Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prologue

Something had gone wrong.  Badly wrong, and the worst thing was that Zack didn't understand exactly what had happened.  As he fought his way through monsters on the slopes of the Mount Nibel he wondered what, exactly, had just happened and whether he'd ever even get to find out.

He cleared a safe path for their guide, Tifa, who was supporting an injured Cloud on her shoulder.  She'd confirmed that she was fine, and Cloud– well, he'd been shot down by a Genesis copy up at the reactor, but he'd used a potion or two and he was walking so that was good.  Well, not exactly good, as such, but at least it meant it was unlikely that there were any bullets stuck in him or any gaping, bleeding holes.  Zack wanted to stop and check him over and find out how badly hurt he was, or at the very least take his helmet off for a moment and talk to him properly, check he was still lucid.  But Cloud had made it clear the previous day that he didn't want to be recognised.

Which was another mystery, but not a pressing one at the moment.  Not that Zack would hesitate to expose his face if it was necessary for his safety, but right now?  Given the circumstances, and the fact that he could still, with support, walk? Well, it felt like the safest thing to do was to get back to the village before worrying about Cloud's injuries.  The fact that he didn't want to be recognised by the people he grew up with was none of Zack's business.

That didn’t stop him from thinking about it, though.  Because it was weird, right?  It wasn’t like the people in Nibelheim seemed to hate Shinra, not like people did in some of the places Zack had been to.  They honestly seemed friendly enough– they didn't seem to see Shinra as their enemy and didn't seem like the sort of folks who would disdain one of their own for joining up. A few of the people he'd spoken to around town had mentioned sons, or brothers, or friends who worked for Shinra. It didn't seem like something anyone around here would consider shameful. So what was Cloud's problem?

Zack drew his sword and slashed effortlessly through another monster.  He could see Tifa and Cloud up ahead, getting to the edge of the village, and he breathed a sigh of relief.  Another swipe of his sword saw the final creature of the bunch defeated, and he ran to catch up.  

"Hey, Tifa.  You want me to take him from here?"

She pointed to a spot near the inn. "It's okay.  We can sit him down over there."

Zack watched uselessly while they made their way awkwardly across the village square.  "Thanks for helping him, Tifa.  Where did Sephiroth go...?"

"Sephiroth? Why? Something the matter?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you."  Mostly because I have no fucking clue what's going on he thought, bitterly.

"I'm not surprised.  I'll ask around town about Sephiroth."

"Thanks, Tifa."  Sephiroth was nothing if not distinctive.  Someone would have seen him, noticed him, would know where he’d gone. And it wasn't like Sephiroth wasn't more than capable of looking after himself. He wasn't a priority right now.

They exchanged numbers so that Tifa could let him know if she found anything out.  Then she left and Zack pulled Cloud to his feet.  "C'mon, buddy.  Let's get you to the room.  See how badly hurt you are."

Zack half-supported and half-dragged Cloud as they hobbled up the stairs to their shared bedroom in the inn. Sephiroth had the room next door all to himself, and they'd been sharing with the other trooper until… well, the less said about the incident on the bridge the better. Suffice to say it was now just the two of them.

The room was spacious and bright– definitely one of the nicer places Zack had stayed while out on an assignment. Zack sat Cloud on the edge of his bed and pulled his helmet off.  Cloud shook his hair out and looked at Zack, confused.  He really didn't look good at all.  His eyes looked dazed and his skin was greyish.

Zack sat down on his own bed opposite and looked at him intently.  "Do you know your name and where we are?"

Cloud blinked a few times, then his eyes appeared to focus on Zack as he looked at him. That was a good start. "Cloud.  We're… in Nibelheim.”  He glanced around the room.  “In the inn."

Phew.  "Do you remember who I am and what happened?"

He nodded again.  "You're Zack.  We're– we hang out together sometimes. You're with SOLDIER. We were… attacked at the reactor.  I tried to stop them from hurting Tifa, but I– I–"

Cloud sniffled and looked like he was going to cry.  Zack got up and moved to sit on the bed next to him, putting an arm around him.  Cloud let his head fall onto Zack's shoulder.

"You did great, Cloud.  I'm glad you were with us.  She couldn't have asked for anyone better to watch out for her. Listen. You probably need to lie down.  How hurt are you?"

Cloud catalogued gunshot wounds, cuts, and bruises; but there was nothing broken. And thanks to the potions he'd already used up at the reactor, the worst of the damage had already started to heal, leaving nothing that another potion or two and a good night's sleep wouldn't cure.

"I can give you more potions or I can use magic to heal you.  Do you have a preference?"

Cloud shook his head, so Zack cast a spell over him.  And, when he still looked pretty terrible, cast a second one.  Finally some colour came back into his cheeks.

Zack scrutinised his face a bit more. "Can I take a look at that cut over your eye? The magic should have mostly taken care of it, but head wounds bleed a lot and it needs cleaning so I can check it properly."

"Sure. I guess."

Zack found his seldom-used first aid kit in the bottom of his bag and found some gauze. He wet it and started dabbing gently at the mostly-dried blood, rinsing the dressing out in a bowl of warm water.

"Where'd you learn to do this?" Cloud winced as Zack's ministrations started to sting.

"Hey. Hold still." Zack put the fingers of his left hand under Cloud's chin and tilted his head to give himself a better view. "I had to learn when I joined SOLDIER. Partly because I'm often sent on missions where it's just me, especially since becoming first class. I need to be able to look after myself. But also, if I go into a fight alongside a bunch of troopers, and they get hurt, there's a good chance I'll still be operational. So all SOLDIERs do some field medicine training. If I'm the last man standing and finish off a fight, then afterwards I might be able to help out with some healing of people who got hurt. It's not all about killing, you know."

He put the gauze down and looked carefully at the gash on Cloud's head. "There. I think it'll be okay as long as you're gentle with it and it doesn't open up again, but if you feel woozy or sick let me know. You could be concussed. Since I already cured you I can't be sure how bad this was." He tilted his head and looked at Cloud's face again. "You want me to clean up that split lip too? It's gonna be sore, not much we can do about that. But I can at least get the blood off."

"Oh, it's fine, I'll go sort it out in the bathroom." Cloud put a hand down on the matress to push himself to standing.

"Nah, I don't think so." Zack put a hand on his shoulder to push him back down. "You're not getting up if you don't have to. You still look pretty rough. Here." He reached for Cloud's lip with another wet gauze pad. Cloud winced again. "Sorry. I'm trying not to hurt you. I'm not the best at this but it's better than leaving it all bloody and nasty."

"No, it's fine," mumbled Cloud. "Just stings a little."

"Mmm. At least the magic should heal it up fast. It looks pretty clean. There." He sat back and looked at his work with a satisfied nod. "I think you're all good for now."

Cloud prodded his lip experimentally with his little finger, then nodded. "Thanks."

Zack clapped him on the shoulder. "Any time. You feel better?  I mean, not completely better,  you won’t feel completely better, it’s still going to hurt.  I can’t make the pain completely go away, and actually it’s best to–”

Cloud interrupted him.  “I know, Zack.  I know how it all works.  I’ve been with Shinra for two years.  This is not the first time I’ve been shot and healed.”

“Right.  Sorry.  Do you…”  Zack made a conscious effort to slow down, stop and think.  He took a deep breath. He knew he talked too much, especially when he was nervous, and the events of today had been enough to freak anyone out.  He had a sudden bright idea.  “I could go get your mom, since she's right here? Bet she'd love to fuss over you."

"No!" Cloud looked horrified at this idea. "No, she'll just worry.  I haven’t even been to talk to her yet, so seeing me might be a bit of a shock, especially in this state."  

Cloud had a point.  He looked a lot better than he had earlier, but his uniform had bullet holes and blood stains that would no doubt send his poor mother into a panic.

Cloud was obviously also considering the state of his clothes.  He looked down at his jacket and wrinkled his nose in displeasure. “I should probably take a shower and get on to mending this.”  He started to get up but Zack pushed him back down, again, with a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Not tonight. I've told you already, don't get up.  You need to get some rest.  I don’t want you passing out in the shower from shock or blood loss.  And the potions should stop anything from getting infected.  I can take a look at the rest of you in the morning. So lie down and try to sleep.”

Zack really hoped he’d listen.  Because if it came down to it, he was Cloud's superior and he had the right to give him an order and expect him to obey it.  But he didn’t like pulling rank, especially not with a friend.

He didn't have to.  Cloud sighed and flopped back onto the bed, looking like he didn’t have much fight in him right now.  “Fine.”

Zack sat down at the table with pen and paper and made a very half-hearted attempt to jot down some of the day's events for the mission report he'd have to provide at some point. But when he was satisfied that Cloud was sleeping, he gave up on that and took a shower before going downstairs to grab a snack. Cloud was still asleep and looking okay when he got back upstairs, so Zack flopped down onto his own bed and finally looked through his messages.  He’d noticed his phone buzz a few times over the last day but hadn’t had a chance to check it since they got here.  

Most of the messages were from his fellow SOLDIERs, but there was one from, of all people, Cloud.  Cloud, who was sleeping in the bed right there.  Why was Cloud sending him a message when he could just, you know, talk to him?

Subject: I wanted to tell you

From: Cloud

We’ve been on a few missions together, and there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.

I was thinking about telling you once we were in my hometown, but it’s a little embarrassing, so I’m going to write it out and send it to you.

The day you changed your hair, when you wished us rookies good luck before our sortie– I’ll never forget your words.

Remembering what you said that day gives me the courage to stay strong.

So… thanks, Zack

Oh.

Zack needed to think about this.  He wasn’t a person who got embarrassed easily, so the thought of not being able to tell a friend something out of embarrassment made no sense to him.  But at the same time he knew that most people were not like him.  He wasn't always the best at picking up on social cues, so there could well be something fundamental he was missing. Was he supposed to talk to Cloud about the message, or would that just embarrass him even more?  It had taken some nerve to send that message in the first place.

He felt like he was so close to understanding something about Cloud, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.  

He looked over at him, sleeping, and thought about what to do.

The golden light of the lamp hit his face just so.  Zack didn't realise he'd been staring until Cloud woke up with a start, like someone who'd felt he was being watched.

Which had not been Zack's intention.  He wasn't some creep who goes around watching other guys sleeping.  

Cloud sat up and looked confused.  "What– Tifa, she’s–"

"Tifa's safe, don't worry."  

Cloud hung his head low and looked despondent.  He looked vulnerable and honest and very, very young in the low light of the lamp.  "If only I were SOLDIER."

Zack wished he had a good response to that, but he didn't.  He knew there were several things he was supposed to say.  It wouldn't have mattered, there was nothing you could've done.  Obviously not true, because if he's been a SOLDIER Cloud could likely have taken down those Genesis copies without even breaking a sweat. 

Or don't worry, keep trying, you'll make it some day!  Also probably not true.  Despite them being the best of the best and all that, Shinra wasn't all that picky about who they took into the SOLDIER ranks, and they were always struggling to find enough recruits who were willing to go through the whole process.  They didn't reject anyone lightly.  If Cloud hadn’t made the cut, there was obviously a major reason and there wasn’t much chance of him getting another shot.

Besides.  Cloud was… somehow Zack hated the idea of Cloud in SOLDIER. Especially with everything that had been going on lately.

"Zack?" Cloud's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"SOLDIER is like a den of monsters.  Don't go inside."

There.  He'd blurted it out without even thinking about it. 

Cloud, to his credit, didn't even look all that surprised.  Sort of pained, and confused, maybe.  He leaned around on his bed to face Zack.  "What happened?"

"I don't know, man.  I thought I knew, but…" Zack flopped back onto his own bed again with a frustrated ahhhhhhhh.  

He'd been trying not to think about what had happened, partly because he couldn't make much sense of it and partly because he didn't like where his thoughts went when he got to thinking about it too much. And after today? He definitely wasn't in the mood to think about it now.

So. Change the subject. “By the way, do you know Tifa?”

Cloud abruptly turned away again, folding in on himself, head to his knees.  “Sort of.”

"Talked to her?"

Cloud gave a little shake of his head, not much more than a flutter of his hair.  “No.”

Zack pushed up onto one elbow.  “I’m sensing some issues here.”  Well, issues was putting it mildly.  Like the fact that you grew up here but you haven’t talked to anyone since you came back, not even your mom.  Like the fact that we've been here for more than a day but you haven’t left the room once without that stupid, uncomfortable, Shinra helmet covering your face.   “Shouldn't you do something?”

Cloud didn’t answer.  Just stayed hunched over, head down.  So Zack, always keen to fill a silence, kept talking.  “I’m one to talk.”

He got up and walked slowly over to his sword.  “I’m with SOLDIER, so fighting’s all I do.  Sorting things out is someone else’s job.  What’s going on, who’s the enemy… it makes no difference to me.”  He grabbed the sword and raised it above his head, frustrated by his own powerlessness.  It felt like it was a bit late to start asking questions now.   He pressed the buster sword to his forehead, feeling grounded by the cool of the metal, and took a deep breath.  He thought about telling Cloud everything, getting an outsider's perspective, but it seemed like a huge burden for someone who clearly had issues of his own going on right now, not to mention someone who obviously felt some inadequacy about failing to make the cut for SOLDIER.

Cloud’s voice pulled his thoughts out of the spiral he’d been going into.  “Hey, Zack.  I really like that sword.  It’s impressive.”

He seemed so genuine, made everything sound so uncomplicated.

Zack thought of Angeal, and what the sword had meant to him.  His own dreams and honour, and what Cloud had said in his message.  The words he'd been too shy to speak out loud to his face.

Maybe things weren’t so bad, after all.  If Cloud felt that way, then he must be doing something right. Regardless of his doubts about Shinra, he could still make things better.

“This is a symbol of my dreams and honour. No.  It’s more.  That’s right… I had almost forgotten.”

He felt more relaxed already when he turned to face Cloud.  “Thank you, Cloud.”

“Huh?”

All of a sudden exhaustion caught up with him, and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and sleep. He put the sword back down.  “Right!”

He stretched and did a couple of squats for good measure before announcing, “I’m gonna crash.  Night!”  

He just about registered Cloud, sitting up and looking confused, before he closed his eyes.  Never mind– let him be confused.  They’d have plenty of time to talk tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Zack: From that day, Sephiroth shut himself inside Shinra Manor... …and proceeded to review document after document, like a man possessed. The lights in the basement never went off...

[And on the seventh day…]

In the morning Cloud looked a lot better. Zack was already up and dressed when he started to stir. He paused doing his morning squats and dropped into a final deep squat by Cloud's bed.

Cloud squinted at him through one half-open eye and looked confused. "Zack? What are you doing?"

"Checking to see if you're okay. Looking for signs of concussion. Can you look at me for a moment?"

Cloud, still barely half awake, pushed himself up on his elbows and yawned again before complying. Zack nodded in satisfaction. "You seem okay. So, how about you strip down and let me check out your other wounds from yesterday?"

Cloud suddenly sat up straight and looked much more awake. He blinked a few times, sceptically. "Excuse me, what? Is that really necessary?"

"Hopefully not, but it's best to be careful. You could still be full of bullets for all I know. What's wrong? Surely you're not shy after all the locker rooms you must've changed in by now? You've changed in front of me before."

"Mm. But that's not the same as being looked at, you know? And, I'm just… not full of bullets, for one thing. If you'd thought I was full of bullets you would have checked last night, surely." He yawned again. "Zack, I'm just waking up. And I'm fine. Really. I feel okay."

Zack frowned, but conceded. "Right. You're probably not full of bullets. But I would like to have a proper check of your injuries. Ooh, or I can get Sephiroth to check you over if you prefer? When we find him. He's surprisingly good at that sort of thing. I sometimes feel like he should've been a doctor or something."

And with that, Cloud was suddenly wide awake. "No! Definitely not. Can't I just… how about I take a shower and have a look myself, in the mirror, and I'll let you know if there's anything I'm worried about?"

Zack reluctantly agreed. "Okay, I guess that works. I'm gonna have to trust you to tell me if anything doesn't look or feel okay. I healed you up pretty well last night, you shouldn't have much pain or anything. If anything hurts a lot it probably needs looking at again."

"Zack," said Cloud, exasperation bleeding through into his voice as he got out of bed. "I'm not in pain. I'm fine. I've had worse. I just need to get cleaned up and changed out of these clothes."

Zack let him go to the bathroom and continued his squats while he waited for Cloud to return from the shower. "So– everything okay?" He tried and failed to sound nonchalant, but the shower seemed to have cheered Cloud us and he didn't seem to mind Zack's concern.

"Yeah, I think so. There's honestly not much to see. Everything seems to be healing up nicely. The one that looks worst is a bullet graze here–" he rolled up a sleeve and showed Zack his forearm. "Other than that I'm doing good."

Zack took hold of Cloud's wrist, looked at his arm and nodded in approval. "That's not bad at all. You coming down to get some breakfast?"

"Nah, you go. I'll eat later. I'm gonna sit here and fix up my uniform."

Zack winced in sympathy, remembering his days as a trooper, when he too was expected to sew up tears in his own uniform while on missions. He'd never really mastered the skill, and when he'd joined SOLDIER the state of his clothes had been a source of despair for Angeal. Angeal, of course, had taken meticulous pride in his own uniform. There'd been something almost meditative in the way he would sit by a camp fire in an evening, fixing up his uniform as they evaluated the day's events. Despite Angeal's patient efforts, Zack had never gained more than the most basic level of competence with needle and thread. Fortunately, as a First, his speedy reactions meant that he seldom took much damage; and if needed he could usually wait until he got home and send his uniform to get mended by someone else.

Zack left Cloud in the room while he went to get some breakfast downstairs.  He'd almost finished when a message came through.  

If you'd like... - Cloud

Hey, do you want to come over to my house?

I want you to try Mom's cooking.

The thing is, I haven't been home yet since I've been here. I hadn't been able to make up my mind about it, but I decided that I should show my face... but going home alone is a bit uncomfortable, so I was hoping you could join me.

What was with Cloud sending him all of these messages? Okay, Zack could kind of understand why the one he sent yesterday might've been embarrassing to say to Zack's face. But this? Zack had literally been upstairs chatting to him just a few minutes previously. It would've been totally normal for him to say oh, hey, I was thinking about calling in on my mom, you wanna tag along? And on that subject– why was Cloud so nervous about the people of his home town knowing he was there?  He'd been undecided about whether to visit his own mother? Zack thought about his mom.  He hadn't been home in the four years since he joined SOLDIER, and… now that he thought about it, he wasn't completely sure how he'd feel if he had the opportunity to do so. But surely if he was sent to Gongaga on an assignment he'd be straight round to see his mom the moment he got some free time. Wouldn't he? Zack's relationship with his parents was complicated, so...

Before he could figure it out his phone buzzed again.

Is he all right? - Tifa

Is that guy all right? I'm a little worried, because it looked like he got hurt pretty bad.

I'm glad you were there. Thank you, Zack.

I had heard of SOLDIER and how tough they are.

I hope we can talk a little bit more about SOLDIER one of these days, because there's something I want to ask you.

Zack hit reply.  

He's fine.  Looking much better this morning. We'll be around for a couple more days at least, so I'm sure there'll be a chance for me to answer your questions.

Thanks for all your help yesterday.

He hit send and sighed. All of that had taken way longer than it should have. It was past time he headed out to see if he could track down Sephiroth. 

*

As Zack left the inn after breakfast, Tifa was about to enter. 

"Sephiroth is apparently at Shinra manor."

"That big mansion?"

"Yes.  Shinra has owned it for a long time."

Huh.  What could he be doing there?  It just looked like a creepy old house, probably semi-derelict.  Why would Sephiroth be there, of all places?

Well.  Zack ought to go take a look around.  But then his phone rang.  He looked at it and smiled.  Aerith.

"Hell-lloooo?"

"Aerith?"

"I finally got through!" Zack thought guiltily of the missed calls from the last couple of days.

"Yeah…" He glanced around to check nobody was listening.  "Uh, listen... Now's not the best time. I'll call you later."

"No, no, you don't have to…"

"Okay, I'll come visit.  I don't think I should be here too much longer, though I don't really know…"

"I'll be here."

"I'll see you, I promise."

The conversation felt unfinished.  Like there was something else she wanted to say.  Zack bit back a sigh, and thought just wait a little while longer.  

Then he noticed Cloud running past.  

"Shinra Manor is up the stairs straight ahead, then to the left.  Come with me!" Well. At least he seemed to be doing better.

His phone kept buzzing as he ran, so as he approached the mansion he stopped to check if it was anything important.

A message for you - Kunsel

Working hard at your assignment, I assume.

I guess it was longer than we thought it would be.

I thought I'd look after Aerith while you were gone, but the Turks were already there guarding her.

I don't know why.

Anyway, she says the tire came off her flower wagon, and now the thing's useless.

I offered to fix it for her, but she refused.

She's waiting for you to come back and fix it, so hurry up and get back here already

Zack sighed again, and read another message from Tifa.

I can fight, too - Tifa

Sephiroth– I don't get him at all.

Is everyone in SOLDIER like him? Oh, and are there any blond guys in SOLDIER?

Well, it's just a dream... Any girl would love to have a blond SOLDIER guy protect her when she's in a pinch.

Well, it's no good just waiting for my blond knight in shining armor to show up, so I've started learning how to fight, myself.

My teacher tells me I've got a knack for it.

Why were girls so weird?  First Aerith not mentioning the broken flower cart, and now this.  Why did this Tifa girl have a strange obsession with blond SOLDIER guys?  That didn't make any sense.  There were a lot of guys in SOLDIER. Yes, some of them were blond. He couldn't see any reason why that would make any difference to anyone. If it was blonds she had a thing for, she didn't need to look in SOLDIER. A lot of the people in Nibelheim were blond. There was Cloud, right here, who fitted the bill perfectly.

He resolved to worry about it all later.  Cloud was waiting at the bottom of the manor stairs.  

"Sephiroth apparently went to the second-floor room on the right." He headed inside and Zack followed.

The mansion was even creepier on the inside than it was from the outside.  It gave him the shivers.  He caught up to Cloud in the room he'd mentioned before.  

"Something's wrong with Sephiroth. The door to the underground passage was unlocked, and I think he went in, but…" Cloud shrugged.  Zack didn't blame him for not following Sephiroth himself.  The passageway led to a sinister-looking cave.  It was a typical Shinra facility– the mansion was just a front for what was really going on behind the scenes– in this case, undergound. 

Not that Zack had any idea what was really going on here.  As he explored he found a lab, and a library.  Some rooms with coffins in.  The equipment, books and papers looked like the rest of the mansion– like they'd been untouched for some time but not completely abandoned.  Something about it made Zack very uncomfortable, so he swiftly continued through the underground complex to find Sephiroth.  

He was in the furthest corner of the library and looked completely preoccupied, muttering under his breath as he read a report.  

Jenova Project approved. Mako Reactor 1 authorised for use… My mother's name, Jenova... The Jenova Project... Could this be a coincidence...? Professor Gast... Why didn't you tell me? Why did you die...?

Zack stomped noisily through the library, pretending he hadn't heard anything and making sure Sephiroth would hear him coming. "Hey! Sephiroth. There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. Everything okay?"

Sephiroth didn't even look up from his reading. "I would like to be alone."

"Oh. You sure? Did you even come back to the inn last night?"

"I'm sure."

Sephiroth seemed weird, but Zack couldn't put his finger on why. He thought about doing a few squats but settled for nervously shifting from foot to foot. "Right. Um. Can I bring you anything?  Lunch, maybe? Coffee?"

"No, Zack.  Leave me."

Well. That was okay. The mansion may have been creepy as hell but Sephiroth wouldn't come to much harm reading a few books and papers. No doubt he'd come back to the inn when he was done, or when he got hungry. Zack shrugged and went back outside.

*

By bedtime Sephiroth still hadn't returned and Zack was still none the wiser about what was going on.  He was lying on his bed reading yet another message from Tifa.

Don't tell anyone - Tifa

I almost forgot.

Please don't tell anyone in SOLDIER that I asked about the blond guy. Okay?

Huh. Could that girl and her obsession with blonds get any stranger? This town seemed to bring out the weird in people: first Cloud and his reluctance to take off his helmet, then Sephiroth and his disappearance into the creepy library, and now Tifa with her bizarre obsession with blonds.

He was weighing up the merits of blocking Tifa's number when Cloud came in, taking off his helmet as he walked through the door.   Zack looked up from his phone and smiled. "You finished for the night?"

Cloud nodded as he put his rifle down on the table.  "I think so, unless you need me to do anything else? I've done a patrol of the whole town and there doesn't seem to be anything happening. No sign of monsters, nothing. No sign of Sephiroth leaving the manor, either."

Zack wasn't really sure what the protocol was in these circumstances, but it felt like a time to be decisive. "There's no point one of us staying up all night on guard. Sephiroth doesn't need a babysitter. We should get some rest.  I don't know when we might have to do something."

Cloud didn't question the fact that Zack was making the decisions. He nodded as he removed and organised his armour and equipment. "Right."

"Are you bored yet?  It's not been the most exciting mission today." Zack was bored, for sure. Monsters he could deal with, but sitting around not knowing what was going on drove him crazy.

Cloud turned around and smiled. "Yesterday was more than enough excitement for me."

Zack suddenly remembered he hadn't replied to Cloud's message earlier. "Oh! I got your message, by the way.  That'd be great, I'd love to.  If you think your mom wouldn't mind.  She'd probably rather have you to herself after all this time."

"Yeah, maybe.  But I'm sure she won't mind.  She'll be pleased I made a friend.  I mean– not that I– I understand if we're not really–" Cloud looked at the floor and fiddled nervously with the scarf he'd just taken off.

"Of course we're friends!  Let's go see your mom tomorrow."

"You mean it?" He looked up at Zack as though he didn't quite believe him.

"Sure I do! But sit down and let me take another look at that cut above your eye, first. Your face is way too pretty for scars."

Cloud sat down on the edge of his bed and his eyes went to the X on Zack's jaw. "You have a scar on your face."

"Yeah, but that scar means something, so I need it. I'll tell you about it some time. Besides, I wasn't as pretty as you to start with, so it's no great loss."

"I don't think that's true," said Cloud, looking at the floor again.

"Well, nobody's ever kicked me out of bed for being ugly, that's true. But you have this whole…" Zack gestured to Cloud's face. "You know. This whole thing going on."

"No, I don't know."

Zack laughed and sat down next to him. "You're blushing. C'mon, don't be embarrassed." He took Cloud's chin in his hand. "Are you trying to tell me girls don't love this? You don't think Tifa's gonna go for this?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't. Anyway. If we're going to see your mom tomorrow, I have to make sure your face isn't going to scar. Imagine if I let that happen to her precious baby. What sort of a friend would she think I was?" Zack held Cloud's hair out of the way to get a good look at the cut. "Hmm. Don't think that's going to be a problem, though. It's looking great, actually. Another day or two and I think it'll be gone." He let Cloud's hair fall and jumped to his feet, dropping into a triumphant squat. "Zack Fair, first aider extraordinaire, strikes again! Oh yeah!"

"Excuse me- her precious baby?" Cloud looked… well, he did not look happy.

Zack shrugged. "You said you're an only child and it's just your mom on her own. So I bet you're her precious baby."

"She let me go to a whole other continent when I was fourteen, to join the military. She's not really the sort of mom to be precious baby-ing me."

"We'll see about that." Zack grinned at him and sat down on his own bed.  "Hey– so, did you talk to Tifa yet?  She seems really nice, though honestly?  Kind of weird, too.  She says she wants to ask me something about SOLDIER. I wonder if she wants to join? They don't really let many women in, though."

"No, I didn't talk to her.  I'm not planning to talk to her."

"Why not?  You… wait." Zack leaned forward in interest.  "Do you have a girlfriend back in Midgar? You do, don't you? How come you never said anything when I told you about mine?"

"Zack, I've lived in the Shinra barracks, in a room with a dozen other infantrymen, since I was fourteen.  Where would I find a girlfriend?"

"Or a boyfriend, then?  It's all the same to me. I'm in no position to judge if that's what you're into."

"No!  I don't."

Zack sensed that Cloud was starting to switch from embarassed to annoyed, and he briefly considered leaving him alone but decided to see if he could push him just a little further. "But you like Tifa, right?"

"I… we grew up together, that's all.  But things were… complicated, when I left, and I don't think she'd be impressed if she saw me right now."

"Oh, man, I know how that feels.  Sometimes you just can't do anything right when it comes to girls. Actually, I was just thinking how weird girls can be when you came in."

"You were?"

Zack sighed.  He could really do with someone to talk to right now, and although Cloud had, just now, as good as said he had no experience with girls, it might be nice to just vent for a while.  "You see, I have this girlfriend, right? I told you about her the other day."

Cloud nodded.  "Everyone knows that."

"Right.  So anyway, I- wait.  Everyone knows?"

"You're a SOLDIER, First Class.  People gossip about you and your private life."

"They do?!" Zack wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted. He decided to go with flattered, because really, being worthy of gossip was kind of cool. "Do you gossip about me?"

"No, that sort of thing doesn't really interest me.  But other people do, and I'm mostly pretty quiet so I hear a lot of stuff."

Zack bounced on the edge of his bed in excitement.  "What else do they say about me?"

"Um… nice things, mostly."  Cloud looked flustered.  "People say you're nice to everyone, and friendly.  They say you're, um, approachable?  And you can be trusted.  A lot of people want to be like you."

Zack nodded thoughtfully. "Huh.  Interesting. Do they say anything about my hair?"

"Um... not really?  Not that I've heard? But I've never heard anyone say you have bad hair, so I guess that means people like it.  You know you have a fan club, right?  They probably talk about your hair more."

"Hell yeah I do!  Are you a member?"

Cloud laughed.  "No, Zack, I'm not a member of your fan club."

Zack didn't quite believe him. "Aww, that's a shame.  Don't worry, though. I'm not offended. I know you're a member in spirit. You should join! I bet it's a ton of fun."

"I thought you wanted to talk about your girlfriend, not your fan club."

"Oh, right.  So." Zack clasped his hands together. "I have this girlfriend and today she called me.  Which is fine– great, even– but also sort of… not great." He sighed. "I don't think I'm explaining this well. It's just that… I feel like she doesn't understand what I do when I'm working. I felt bad about telling her I couldn't really talk when she called today, but I couldn't exactly explain how weird things had been yesterday and how I was looking for Sephiroth and everything."

Cloud nodded. "I don't know how anyone who hasn't done this job could ever understand what military life is like."

"Exactly! Yeah, that's it." Zack stood up and went to gaze out of the window. It felt like such a relief to talk to someone who got it. "It's hard to explain to outsiders. Sometimes I think I should date someone from in the company, but at the same time that's part of the reason why I like her, you know? Because she's so separate from all of the work stuff. Being around her is like what normal people's lives must be like. It's just hard sometimes when there's no way for her to understand things."

"Makes sense. But you like her, right?"

"Yeah, of course!  I like her a lot.  But sometimes I feel like…  I don't know why I'm telling you all this."  He turned back toward Cloud. "Do you want me to shut up?"

"I don't mind, Zack.  Though I don't think I have anything very helpful to say."

"If you're happy to listen, that's great.  So. Here's the thing." He sat back down on his bed, facing Cloud, and leaned back on his elbows.  "Aerith and I made this flower cart, so she can sell the flowers she grows.  Took me aaaaaages to get the stuff we needed.  But it was a lot of fun, and when we were done I thought it was really good.  But the first thing she said was it's not what I had in mind, I want a nicer one.  Can you believe that?"

"Oh. Was it any good?"

"Honestly?  It was pretty nice.  And I wouldn't want her to lie to me, to pretend she liked it when she didn't.  But it felt like she was dismissing all the work I did on it, like I didn't care about it at all.  Like she didn't get that I'd spent all my free time for weeks working on the damn thing. In the end we ended up building not one, but two more.  So now she has three flower wagons.  Three fucking flower wagons, Cloud.  And then?  To make things even worse, I've been away from Midgar literally two days, and I find out the damn thing's broken.  You know, the only one of the three that she actually likes and uses. But she didn't tell me that herself, oh no.  I had to hear about it from Kunsel, who's been keeping an eye out for her.  I got a message from him just after she called me. Why didn't she tell me about it when we were talking on the phone?  I know I told her I couldn't talk for long, but she could've mentioned that. Or sent me a message! Why do I have to hear about it from someone else?  And why can't she just use one of the spare wagons?  There are three of them, in case you didn't remember. The others might not be as pretty as she'd like, but they still fucking work."

Just the thought of it was making him annoyed. He couldn't sit down any longer, and started to pace around the room again.  "Urgh, it's so annoying.  And it all got me wondering- what sort of a relationship is this supposed to be anyway?  It's been over a year and I know I haven't actually seen her that much, what with assignments and everything, but we haven't even slept together, and you know what’s worse than that?  That I don't even mind.  I mean, I'd kind of like to, but I feel like I should be going crazy for it by now after waiting all this time, and I'm not. That can't be right, can it?  I think deep down I'm starting to see that she and I are really only meant to be friends."

Zack found himself staring out of the window again.  "Fuck. I think I need to break up with her, don't I?"

"I… I don't know. I can't answer that." Zack turned back to see Cloud looking at him, eyes wide in what looked like mild panic.

"Shit, Cloud.  I'm sorry to dump all this on you.  You don't need to try to give me advice, I just needed someone to listen. And you don't even know her.  I do like her, I do.  Love her, I think.  But maybe… not in the way you’re supposed to love a girlfriend." He sighed and collapsed back onto his bed. "So, you know what you could do to help me? Do you wanna distract me by telling me about Tifa now?  What’s the story?”

“Much as I'd like to distract you, there’s nothing to tell.”

"C’mon.  I just told you all my relationship problems.  So spill. You and Tifa.  What happened?"

"At least you have relationship problems. I have nothing interesting to say about Tifa, or anyone else. Really."

"Oh, c'mon. Pleeeeease? Doesn't matter if it's interesting or not, I just wanna know."

Cloud sighed in resignation. "Fine. A couple of years ago, everyone our age was leaving.  All the boys we grew up with.  And before I left I talked to her and… I thought I might kiss her, you know?"

Zack leaned forward eagerly. "So did you?"

"No!"

"Well… why not?" Zack tilted his head curiously.

Cloud shrugged again. "I don't know, I just chickened out."

"So kiss her now!  You saved her, back at the reactor.  Girls love that sort of thing."

"No, I don't think… and anyway.  It's not like I'd even know what to do if it came to… any of that stuff, really. It's not like I've ever…" he tailed off and looked at his feet.

It took Zack a moment to catch on. "Wait. Cloud, are you saying you've never kissed a girl? Never?"

"Can we not talk about this?" It came out muffled, as Cloud had hidden his face in his hands in embarrassment.

"Don't be embarrassed.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  Hey, I can show you how?  You'll be a pro in no time.  Then tomorrow you can talk to Tifa and who knows?"

Cloud peeked at Zack through his fingers. "I don't know…"

"Well, it'd be one less thing for you to worry about.  Because you're clearly worrying about something, and it doesn't need to be a big deal. It's just kissing."

Cloud took his hands away from his face and looked at Zack. "Won't it be weird?"

"For me to teach you to kiss?  Nah, course not, it's fine.  We're friends, right?"

Cloud nodded slowly, so Zack went and sat on the bed next to him.

"Okay.  So."

Zack took Cloud by the shoulder and turned him so that they were face to face.  

"Um."  This was really difficult, actually.  Kissing was more a thing you just did, not a thing you explained.  "Maybe start by wetting your lips?  Just a little."

Cloud's tongue poked out and he rolled his lips between his teeth and Zack tried not to stare at his mouth, but it was surprisingly difficult to look away.  

"Zack?  Are you okay?  Maybe we shouldn't–"

"No, it's fine, sorry.  I was just thinking how best to explain this.  Maybe we should just go for it. You'll pick it up as we go along. So how about you, um, close your eyes?"  Zack rested his hands on Cloud's shoulders and leaned in slowly and– stopped.

"You didn't close your eyes."

"I'm nervous."

"You don't trust me?"

"I do, it's just… like I said.  I'm nervous. I've never done this before."

"Don't be.  Cloud," he put a hand under Cloud's chin and stroked his cheek with his thumb, voice barely above a whisper, "trust me.  Close your eyes and just let it happen.  I'm pretty sure you'll like it. If you don't, we'll just stop. No pressure."

And when he finally saw Cloud's eyes flutter closed– those long, golden eyelashes resting on his cheeks– he leaned in and closed the gap between them.

Slowly at first.  Just a brush of his lips against Cloud's.  The second time, a little harder and a little longer.  And then he let himself linger, and Cloud started kissing him back, tentatively.  Oh.  That was nice.

Zack's hand was still resting on Cloud's cheek and he didn't notice himself moving it to cup the back of his head, tangling his fingers in Cloud's hair.  And Cloud must've liked that, because he inhaled sharply and started to kiss Zack harder.  

And then he stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I…" Cloud was breathing faster, but then so was Zack.  "I thought, um… was that okay?"

"Yeah, you did great.  You're a natural."  That must be why Zack was feeling a little flustered, right?

Cloud was looking at him expectantly.  Zack thought for a moment and came back to his senses.

"You liked it, right? Do you wanna try again?"

Cloud nodded and closed his eyes.

This time things soon settled into a very pleasant stride, with Zack giving hints in between kisses.  "Don't forget to breathe. Open your mouth a little more."

And then Zack slipped his tongue into Cloud's mouth and felt him tense up.  Zack pulled right back.  Cloud's eyes snapped open and his mouth was wet from kissing Zack, and if Zack didn't know better he'd have said that he looked like he very much wanted more. 

"Sorry.  I should've asked you.  Or warned you.  We don't have to do that if you don't want to."

Cloud blinked.  "No. I mean yes, I do.  It just took me by surprise.  I think.  Let's try it?"

"Right.  So the trick is, not too much tongue, but not too little.  Too much and it gets too wet and sloppy, kinda like being slobbered on by a dog, and too little is… well, you know what, it's kind of difficult to explain.  How about I start and you just join in when you feel comfortable?  That might be easier."

Cloud bit his bottom lip nervously and nodded again, looking sweet and trusting, and Zack turned back to face him.  

"Great!  So, um…"

Zack wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so he just left them awkwardly by his sides on the bed as he leaned in.  This time Cloud's eyes drifted closed and his mouth opened slightly in anticipation.  Zack felt himself getting inexplicably nervous.

Cloud was definitely more confident this time.  Zack let the kiss go on for a while until Cloud pulled back again.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing.  It's just… I thought you were going to, you know."

"I am.  Just be patient.  There's no hurry, and it can be good to wait a while to, you know, build it up.  The anticipation can be a lot of fun."

"So you think I should–"

Zack cut him off with another kiss and didn't give him a chance to think about what was going to happen, slipping his tongue between Cloud's lips almost straight away.  Because while anticipation could be nice, surprise could be a lot of fun too.

This time Cloud definitely wasn't stopping, and he definitely wasn't pulling away.  After a moment's stillness Zack felt Cloud's tongue start to move against his own.  Tentative at first, then more confident.

Zack focused on breathing and kept up the intermittent hints in order to stop himself from losing himself in the moment.  "A bit more… slow down, that's a bit wet… that's better."  And oh, it was better.

When they broke the kiss, Zack took stock of the situation. Cloud was breathing heavily.  His arms were around Zack's neck and one hand was tangled in his hair.  And Zack's– huh. That was interesting. He didn't remember it happening, but somehow he'd ended up with one hand on Cloud's lower back, pulling him close, and the other on the back of his neck.  

This was not what Zack had had in mind when he suggested teaching Cloud to kiss.  This was getting out of control, and fast.

He took his hands off Cloud and moved them onto his knees, where they couldn't get into any trouble. Cloud seemed to have had a similar thought, because he'd let go of Zack and was sitting back with his own hands beneath his thighs.

But Zack didn't want to stop, and it was all pretty innocent still.  Harmless, really. Could it hurt to do a little more?  Cloud seemed to be finding it useful. He'd certainly improved a lot already.

Zack tried to get back into teaching mode.

"So, that was good.  Maybe a bit… overenthusiastic at times?  Not that enthusiasm is bad, because it's not.  But if you get carried away, then, you know, you can get chapped lips.  And beard burn.  Not that kissing Tifa would give you beard burn, of course.  It's more a worry for girls, unless you're… although you probably don't need to… do you even have to shave yet?"

Cloud shook his head.  "Barely."

"Great! So that's one less thing to worry about when you do kiss her!" he said triumphantly.

Cloud did not seem to share Zack's triumph. "So you think I should be worried about kissing her?"

"Oh, no, no, you'll be fine.  Did you… d'you want to practice some more?"

"Okay."

So Zack leaned back in.

Several minutes must have passed when suddenly Zack realised that he and Cloud were basically just making out.  Cloud could still do with some pointers, but on the whole it was all pretty good.

Focus, Zack.  You’re supposed to be teaching him how to do this, not just making out with him for the fun of it.  He ended the kiss and pulled back a little, turning away in an effort to not notice that Cloud was breathing fast, mouth open and eyes still closed.  He clapped him on the shoulder as a reminder to both of them that this was just a friendly lesson.  “So, yeah.  That’s pretty much it, really.  I think you got the hang of it.” 

Cloud looked slightly dejected.  “Still too wet, though?”

“Huh?  Why d’you say that?”

“Because you just wiped your mouth with the back of your hand.”

Dammit.  He’d tried to be subtle about it.  “Well, maybe a bit.  But, you know.  That doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying it. It was good! And you’ll get better with more practice.  I’m sure you’ll do great when you do it for real."

They sat there awkwardly for a moment, until Cloud stood up. "Right. Um. I should go brush my teeth. We should probably get some sleep?"

"Oh. Yeah. Yeah, of course. I already used the bathroom before you got back, so… I'll just…" He waved a hand in the direction of his own bed.

Zack stripped down to his underwear and got in to bed while Cloud was in the bathroom.

As he drifted off to sleep, still trying to make sense of the events of the day, he could've sworn he could still taste Cloud's kisses on his tongue.

Chapter Text

Zack woke up early the next morning, full of energy.  He dragged Cloud out of bed to go for breakfast.

“I don’t wanna… I’d prefer to eat in here?”

Oh, of course.  Because he wouldn't take his helmet off around anyone who might recognise him.  At some point Zack would have to get to the bottom of that. “No problem, I’ll bring up food for both of us.  Then we’ll go see how Sephiroth’s doing.  See if he’s still in that creepy library.”

Zack loaded up a tray with bread and preserves, along with some slices of meat and cheese, and of course a pot of coffee. He thought about whether there was something else Cloud might prefer but then decided that if Cloud wanted anything else, he should have said so before Zack went out to get the food.

Zack shoved aside the things that had accumulated on the table to make room for the tray, and poured out coffee for them both before tucking in to the food eagerly. “This is so good,” he mumbled around a mouthful of fresh bread and jam.  "Why does the bread not taste like this in Midgar?"

“Mmm.  I dunno, but you're right. It's not the same. I do miss the food from home.”

Zack grabbed a slice of some sort of ham. “Yeah, me too.  It’s one of the worst things about moving away from where you grew up.  Unless you hate mushrooms, in which case you'd be pleased to leave Gongaga behind. Hey– so, speaking of which, should we go see your mom later?”

Cloud looked nervous.  “Sure.  I guess so.” 

“Cool. So, what else are we going to do today?” He looked at Cloud over the top of his coffee cup.

Cloud looked confused and said nothing for a while, until it became clear that Zack was waiting for a response.  “Um… is that an actual question? I mean… I don’t know?  You’re basically in charge of the mission now.  You’re supposed to tell me what to do.”

Oh. That was true. But Zack was not made for this sort of responsibility.  Soldiers were trained for strength and speed, not logistics and organisation.  He knew he had charisma and could lead people, but the actual small stuff of thinking about what people are supposed to be doing?  That was not his forte.  

He thought out loud.  “Well, it’s not like Sephiroth needs a bodyguard.  And the monster problem in the reactor has been dealt with.  So… there’s not really much to do.  As long as we stay alert, we can probably just take it easy until Sephiroth’s ready to head home. He's still in charge overall, so…” he shrugged.

“Even Sephiroth must be getting tired by now.”

Zack thought about it.  He himself didn’t need a lot of sleep compared to normal people.  He could happily stay awake for 48 hours or so before starting to feel tired, and for considerably longer before he'd really feel exhausted, which all was pretty standard for a SOLDIER.  He wasn’t sure how much sleep Sephiroth needed, with his extra enhancements and all, but he’d missed two nights of sleep now, so he had to be starting to feel at least a little tired, right?

“I don’t know.  Maybe?  He’s not like other people.  But you’d think he’d be hungry, at least.”

“We should take him coffee.”

“You’re right,  we should. That's a great idea.”  Sephiroth didn’t have many weaknesses, but he did like a good cup of coffee.  “And some food.”

Zack had no trouble charming the inn owner into packing up some food for Sephiroth, along with a flask of coffee.  He wandered up to the manor and wondered, again, what its real purpose was and why Sephiroth seemed to be so fascinated by whatever it was he'd found in there.

Sephiroth was right where Zack had left him, but this time he was sitting at a desk and facing Zack's direction as he approached. Was he starting to look tired, or was it just Zack's imagination? Could he see dark circles starting to appear under his eyes?

Zack decided to go for upbeat and cheerful and see if that might rub off on Sephiroth. He put on his brightest smile. “Sephiroth! Good morning! Still busy, I see. So… how’s things? All going well?”

Sephiroth put down the folder he was looking at and picked up a different one. “Go away, Zack.”

So much for upbeat. Well, at least he'd tried. “Anything I can help you with?”

“Yes. You can go away.”

“Are you sure?  I can get Cloud in to help too, we can organise some of this stuff for you." He picked up a book from the table and turned it over in his hand. "I can probably–”

Sephiroth slammed his fist onto the desk.  Zack swore he felt the whole room shake with the impact.

“I said– go away. Can't you see I'm busy here?"

Sephiroth looked up at him, though only for a moment. It was enough for Zack to see his eyes flashing with anger.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll leave you to it. I'll just put these down here." He found an empty space on a cabinet. "Coffee and food. Gotta keep your strength up, right? I can see you're busy, but if there's anything we could do to help you only have to ask."

Sephiroth ignored him, so Zack left.

*

Zack was bored. So bored. He flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling, trying and failing to think of some way to amuse himself in this place. Maybe he should just give up and have an early night.

Well, at least Cloud should be back soon and then he'd have someone to talk to. All day they'd been taking it in turns doing patrols of the town and as far as the manor, but honestly? It seemed pretty pointless. He hadn't bothered Sephiroth again, not after this morning's frosty reception. Cloud had swung by around dinner time with some more food and coffee, and Zack had resolved to try to talk to him again tomorrow. See if he was in a better mood.

He heard footsteps on the stairs and sat up in anticipation. Sure enough, Cloud came in moments later, pulling his helmet off and fluffing up his hair as he walked through the door.

"Hey. You okay? You've been gone for ages, I was starting to worry."

Cloud put his gun and helmet down on the table.

"Oh. Well, I dropped by my house for a bit. I thought I'd better check with my mom if it's okay for us to go over for dinner tomorrow– I mean, if you still wanted to. You don't have to, she won't mind if–"

"Cloud, why would I not want to? I've been looking forward to it. Though I thought you didn't want to go see her alone?"

"I didn't, but I figured it'd be best to drop by just to let her know I was here and would come for dinner and bring a friend along. She said that'd be great, and could we make it tomorrow? And then after we'd talked about that I was planning to head straight back here, but you know how moms are– I ended up staying for a while. She nagged me about not eating properly and not having a girlfriend."

"Urgh. This is half the reason why I don't go back to see my parents. Moms are all the same."

"I guess so."

"So what did you tell her?"

"There's not much to tell. I eat fine, and as for the girlfriend thing, well, I just ignored that and let her talk at me for a while."

"Good shout. Hey, if it'd make things easier you can tell her you're dating me."

"I… don't think that'd work."

"Oh, right. She wouldn't want you to date a guy?" That seemed logical. Nibelheim wasn't exactly the most progressive town he'd ever visited.

"Um, no. Probably not. But not because she's prejudiced. Just because she thinks a nice, older girl would… I dunno actually. Cook for me and do my laundry and stuff. I think that's what she had in mind?"

Zack nodded in understanding. "Not prejudiced, but kind of old fashioned. My mom's the same. Wouldn't expect another guy to be able to look after her baby boy in the way he deserves. She'd expect another guy to be just as useless as she thinks I am."

"Yeah, something like that," he agreed, with a nod.

And then Zack did a thing he sometimes does. Where something totally random pops into his head and he just says it without thinking. It was an unfortunate habit that had gotten him into trouble on many occasions in the past. "Personal question– you don't have to answer, by the way– are you a virgin?"

"What sort of a question is that?!"

Zack immediately regretted his impulsiveness. "Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't have asked. In my defence I did say you didn't have to answer! We're friends, right? I kind of hope we can ask each other personal stuff and feel comfortable enough to either answer or to say we don't want to, and know the other person isn't going to mind. And I don't. Mind, that is. If you don't want to answer. I'm sorry."

"That's not what I meant. I'm not offended by the question." He did look a bit offended, actually, but Zack wasn't going to tell him that. "It's just a really weird question to ask, given that this time yesterday you were teaching me how to kiss, because you knew I'd never done it before. Do you honestly think that in the 24 hours since then I've been out and about on the streets of Nibelheim putting my new-found skills into practice, to the point that I've actually got as far as to lose my virginity? You're a good teacher but you're not that good. Not to mention the fact that we're in Nibelheim, a village of a couple of hundred people where I refuse to show my face. Who do you think I've managed to seduce, exactly, and how? I have so many questions right now about the way your mind works, Zack."

Zack laughed heartily, relieved that he apparently hadn't offended Cloud after all. "I didn't think that. Though honestly that would've been pretty cool. I could leave SOLDIER and start a business– teach people to kiss and have a 'get laid within 24 hours or your money back' guarantee. Sadly, as you said yourself, I'm not that good. But– at least tell me you've managed to talk to Tifa?"

Cloud shook his head and Zack ruffled his hair affectionately. Cloud ducked away in irritation.

"Okay. I get why you're confused. I didn't want to assume you hadn't had sex just because you hadn't kissed anyone, because I've lived in Shinra barracks and been in the locker rooms and I can confidently say that there are definitely situations where guys skip right past kissing and go straight to other stuff."

"Oh. I… hadn't thought of it like that. You probably think I'm really naive now, right?"

"Nah, not at all. It wasn't clear what I meant. Also it's none of my business. Sometimes you have to tell me to shut up. I won't be offended, okay?" Cloud looked unsure, but Zack was used to that. "Seriously. You just need to say Zack, you've gone too far, shut the hell up. It's that simple. I won't mind." Cloud nodded but still didn't look convinced.

Zack decided it was time to change the subject. "So you've been all around the town about ten times today but you still didn't speak to Tifa? What's up with that?"

"I… dunno. I don't know if I even want to talk to her, really. I don't know what I'd say. And I'm still nervous, I guess."

"Is this still about the kissing thing? Don't worry about it. You'd be fine, really. You had fun last night, right?"

"I… it's not that. I just don't…"

"We can try it again, if you're not sure."

"Oh, I don't know–"

"C'mon, what are friends for?" He sat down next to Cloud on the bed. "Why don't you start it off this time? Pretend I'm Tifa, and you've been talking a little, and now you're just going to lean in and kiss her. Nothing to it."

"How do I know if someone's okay with me doing that? What if the other person doesn't want me to?"

Zack scratched his head. "Hmm. Maybe we should've started with some lessons in what to do before you get to the kissing part. Well, let's say you're sitting with her. Um, you probably want to look into her eyes. But don't make it too intense and freak her out. You can take her hand, or put an arm around her. Or if you're about to kiss her you could… put a hand on her waist, or push her hair out of her face? Something like that. That way you get to lay the groundwork, you know? It's obvious you're about to kiss her, but if she doesn't want you to then she has a ton of chances to stop it without it being too much of a big deal. Go on, give it a try."

"Seriously?!"

"Sure." Zack lowered his voice. "Imagine I'm Tifa, and we're just sitting here on the bed talking…"

"Wait, what? How did I get to be on a bed with Tifa?"

"I don't know, Cloud. That's not really important." Zack suppressed a sigh of frustration. "Maybe you're not on a bed. Maybe you're on a… bench, or something. You can be sitting anywhere you like in this scenario. Or standing, if you like. It doesn't matter. C'mon, focus on the important stuff. I'm Tifa, we're talking, you're thinking about kissing me, and you want me to know that you're thinking about kissing me."

Cloud took a deep breath and put a hand tentatively on Zack's waist. "Like this?"

"No, not like that. For one thing you seem terrified of me, and for another– you gotta make it sexy. Set the mood. More like this." He slid his hand on to the side of Cloud's waist and let it rest there. "See what I mean? If you just grab her, she's going to say hey, what the hell are you doing? But if you do it like this, even if she doesn't like it she's probably not going to yell at you."

Cloud was looking increasingly doubtful. "So do people often yell at you in… these kinds of situations?"

"No, never. Because I take my time, and read the signs, and if I got the idea that the other person wasn't into it, I'd stop. And it works both ways. Let's say I just put my hand here and you're not into this. You can just move away a little, or take my hand off and move it out of the way, and then we'd both know where we stand. No yelling, no awkwardness, no fuss. See what I mean?"

The look in Cloud's eyes suggested that he was indeed starting to see it. Zack took his hand away. "Now you try."

"It feels so fake."

"Well, yeah, that's 'cause it is. But when you do it for real, you won't be thinking about all this stuff. You'll just know what to do and get on with it. Now c'mon. Look deep into my eyes and show me you wanna kiss me."

Cloud slipped his own hand around Zack's hip and up onto his waist. Zack nodded. "Yeah, that's better. That's pretty nice. Now do the hair thing." Zack shook his head like a wet dog, hanging his hair forwards over his eyes. Cloud burst out laughing.

"C'mon, take this seriously," Zack whined. "I'm trying to teach you all my moves here."

"Do you know what you look like right now? It's impossible to take you seriously." Cloud shook his own head forwards and mussed up his hair until it bore some resemblance to Zack's current look. He looked up at Zack through his curtain of hair.

Zack laughed too. It was kind of ridiculous. "Okay, okay. I see your point. But, see…"

He looked into Cloud's eyes and curled the fingers of his hand around a lock of Cloud's hair, pushing it behind his ear, and was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath. "See what I mean?" he whispered. He leaned in slowly and stopped, teasing, with his lips close to Cloud's.

Cloud nodded and started to lean in even closer, but–

No way. Zack wasn't having that. He pulled back and put his fingers over Cloud's lips. "I don't think so. That's cheating. I did all the work. You have to start over. But you see what I mean? It works, right? I didn't even have to kiss you in the end, you were about to finish the job for me."

Cloud said nothing, but as Zack sat back a little he took the hand that was still on Zack's waist and moved it up higher, around his back, and used it to pull Zack back in closer. Then he used his whole hand to gently rake Zack's ridiculous hair back from his face, before leaning in and kissing him.

Zack had been prepared for Cloud to take longer to go for it, so he wasn't really expecting it, and it took him a moment to catch up and start kissing him back. Cloud noticed his hesitation.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just… you took me by surprise. Not complaining though. Definitely not. You want to go again?"

Cloud nodded and leaned back in, a bit more hesitant and slightly clumsy this time. They bumped noses and Zack smiled at the awkwardness before Cloud got his head at the right angle for things to work.

And things did just… work. Kissing Cloud was fun, and easy, and something about it just felt right.

Zack paused after a while to make a suggestion. "Don't forget the tongue."

"I'm working up to that."

Zack's eyes widened in surprise. "Okay, as long as you know it's allowed."

"Don't be impatient. Give me a moment."

Zack resolved to just let Cloud do his thing, even if he did, in fact, feel impatient. It was almost like Cloud was teasing him, maybe? Though Zack wasn't sure that it would even occur to Cloud to do that. Wahtever was going on worked, though, because he was starting to go crazy with waiting for it before Cloud finally slipped his tongue against Zack's. Finally. Zack nearly moaned in relief.

Zack could have kept on doing this for a really long time. All night, probably, or even longer. But eventually he remembered that they weren't doing this because it was a fun way to spend the evening, but because he was supposed to be teaching Cloud the things he'd need to know if he was going to do all of this for real. So– he should probably try to suggest something different. Right?

"You wanna change things up a bit?"

"How?"

"Oh. Well… to start, how about other places to kiss?" Zack started kissing his neck and was thrilled to hear Cloud gasp in surprise as he tilted his head back to give Zack more room.

"That okay?"

"Yes." Cloud tangled his fingers in Zack's hair and sighed contentedly.

*

Zack had happily kissed all the bits of Cloud he could easily reach without taking off any clothes, reminding himself as he did that it wouldn't do to suck hickeys into his neck if they were going to meet Cloud's mother tomorrow.

And Cloud had happily reciprocated, although since Zack was wearing his uniform turtleneck there wasn't really that much fun to be had. Zack thought about taking it off. If this was a normal situation this would definitely be about the time to start taking clothes off.

Actually, if this was a normal situation? Zack's hands would've been under Cloud's shirt long before now.

Zack reminded himself that this wasn't a normal situation. It wasn't a date, or even a hook up. It was supposed to be a lesson.

Maybe it was time to stop?

But then Cloud moved his mouth back up to Zack's and the idea of stopping disappeared from his mind, like he'd never even thought about it in the first place.

*

Zack couldn't have said how much time had passed, but he realised that a while ago he'd stopped giving Cloud hints. Somewhere, thinking about things had disappeared and instinct had taken over. At some point Cloud had shuffled back on the bed, and they'd ended up lying down, side-by-side, Cloud with his knee hooked over Zack's. Zack was conscious that things had moved on and he hadn't told Cloud to do any of it.

Cloud rolled onto his back and, to Zack's astonishment, pulled him over on top of him. "Cloud, are you–"

Cloud's hand tangled in his hair and pulled him back down to continue kissing, and Zack wasn't about to ask questions where, clearly, none were needed.

Because from this position– bodies aligned on the bed– it was abundantly clear just how much Cloud was enjoying this. It was obvious when Cloud because aware of just how much Zack was enjoying things too. His eyes flew open in surprise. Zack looked back at him and grinned. "What, you didn't think I liked this?"

"Didn't really think about it. I wasn't thinking much at all. I–" Zack stopped him in his tracks with a movement of his hips that made Cloud let out a whine and move back against him.

Zack thought about going back into teaching mode again. Suggesting where a hand might go next– under a shirt would be nice, or around to his ass, maybe even unbuttoning a waistband. But this had to be the most fun you could have with your clothes on, and it seemed a shame not to just roll with it.

So he flipped them both, ending up on his back with Cloud on top of him. "You okay?"

Cloud nodded and stopped moving, breathing fast. "Zack, I… we should probably slow down. I–"

"You okay? Sure. We can slow down, or stop, or whatever you want. Just say the word. You need me to stop?"

"I need– Zack, I don't know, I–" he went quiet.

So Zack started to kiss him again, very gentle and slow, hesitant, giving him time to think, but Cloud kissed him back hard and thrust down against him, harder and faster and–

Zack felt him tense, pull away, bury his face in Zack's neck with a moan as he moved against him erratically. "Zack, fuck, I– oh, fuck."

It didn't take a genius to work out what'd happened.

They both lay still and panting. Zack stroked the back of Cloud's head.

Cloud rolled to the side, and when he spoke his words were breathless and muffled in Zack's shoulder. "Sorry, Zack, I'm sorry–"

"Don't be. It's fine." But Zack was fighting to keep control, so instead of being lighthearted and reassuring and sounding fine his voice just came out as whiny. "Lesson's over, I guess. I'm– I should probably hit the shower." He stroked a hand back affectionately through Cloud's hair one more time before hopping off the bed and into the bathroom.

He turned the shower on cool and had hardly even stepped beneath the spray before he took himself in hand and finished himself off in with few quick strokes and a whimpered moan.

He let the water run over him and finally started to think straight again.

So. That had been… really hot. Unexpectedly. Zack couldn't remember the last time he'd been so turned on without anyone having taken off a single item of clothing. He wondered if Cloud was thinking the same–

Wait.

Shit. Cloud. Sweet, never-been-kissed (apart from by Zack, and that didn't count), sensitive, straight Cloud. Who he'd just left there on the bed, most likely right now feeling confused and unpleasantly sticky, because Zack was here hogging the shower.

Zack soaped up and rinsed off quickly, then shut off the water. Thinking about how if things were different they could've been in the shower together, cleaning up and– fuck. He was starting to get hard again. He gave himself a stern talking to while he towelled off. What the fuck is wrong with you, Zack? Get it together.

He tucked the towel around his waist and headed back into the bedroom. "Hey. I'm sorry. I should've let you have the shower first. Didn't think. But go ahead, it's free now."

Cloud could've taken the first shower. Zack would've rolled into his spot on the bed, still warm from his body, pillow smelling of his hair, sheets rumpled from where he'd moved his hips against Zack's. Zack could've taken his time getting himself off, teased himself a little bit. Probably made a bit of noise, knowing Cloud wouldn't have heard over the sound of the shower, where he'd have been naked and wet, cleaning himself up because of how he'd come from kissing Zack and–

Zack chastised himself: Zack Fair, you are a horny piece of shit and a terrible friend. He looked down at the traitorous bulge in the towel he still had around his waist. For fuck's sake, Zack. You literally came about five minutes ago. Get a grip. He snorted. Getting a grip on himself sounded like a great idea. What would be even better would be if Cloud wanted to get a gr–

No. Get a mental grip on yourself. Have some self control.

He took a deep breath and imagined doing squats until he was calm enough to get dressed.

*

By the time Cloud came out of the bathroom, already wearing pyjamas, Zack was lying in bed getting sleepy. He watched Cloud dejectedly climb into his own bed. "Cloud? What's wrong?  Is everything okay?"

Cloud lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. "This is not how I imagined my first sexual experience would go."

Zack rolled onto his side so he could see Cloud properly. "Oh, Cloud.  I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have let things get out of hand.  I didn't mean for things to get so…" he couldn't think of the right word.

"Embarrassing?  Because honestly? That's my main issue."

"Hey, don't be. It happens.  If we'd kept going for much longer I would've had the same problem myself." Would it make Cloud feel better if Zack told him just how quickly he came in the shower? By Zack's estimation it'd been about eight seconds.

"I feel like it's supposed to be a bit more reciprocal."

Well, he wasn't wrong.  It was a good rule of thumb that if one partner has an orgasm the other one should too.  But Zack didn't really feel like it applied in this situation, and even if it did, it definitely wasn't what Cloud needed to hear right now.

Zack decided to settle for honesty. "Listen. This whole thing was my idea in the first place and it felt like it'd be kinda rude to offer to teach you to kiss and then demand you get me off. I didn't want you to feel like I was taking advantage by suggesting it, or make you feel obligated to do anything, so I thought it'd be best to, um…" There was no easy way to put this.  "To deal with things myself. You know, in the shower. I didn't stop to think about how that might make you feel.  I'm sorry."

"Oh. Well, I don't feel like I would've been taken advantage of, more just… sort of useless."

"Don't be.  It was a lot of fun. I liked it a lot." He turned onto his back and stretched. "Feel pretty great now, actually. Like I could definitely get some sleep." He yawned dramatically and turned to glance at Cloud again. He was looking very… pink, still. "Hey. I told you- don't be embarrassed."

"I'm not. Not now."

"So why's your face all red?"

"I dunno?" He ran a hand down his cheek and across his chin. "It does feel sort of… sore. And hot."

Zack's fingers went to his own chin and understanding dawned on him immediately.

"Ah. Ooooookay. So, another thing to know about kissing. You remember yesterday when I mentioned beard burn? If you're not clean shaven, you can do that," he gestured towards Cloud's chin, "to the other person."

"Beard burn?"

"Stubble burn. 'Stache rash. Basically what I've done to you. Girls do not like it, in my experience." He sat up and looked at Cloud more closely. "Aw, man, your chin is going to be really sore tomorrow. Do I need to get the first aid kit out again?"

"I really don't think that's necessary."

Zack leaned over and looked some more. "You're probably right. I don't think this is too bad. It can get really nasty and infected, but I don't think this has broken the skin. Hopefully if you leave it alone it'll get better pretty fast." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I'm not doing a good job as a kissing teacher here. Showing you what not to do. Try to remind me to shave in the morning, okay?"

"Why? Are we going to be kissing again?"

"I–" Zack was flustered now. "Um– I don't know. I guess not. I mean– if you want me to show you anything else I could, but I think you've got it covered. You'll probably want to go talk to Tifa tomorrow, right?"

Cloud looked intently at a loose thread on his pillow. "Oh. Yeah, maybe."

"Cloud, look at me. This hasn't made things weird, has it? We're okay, right? Friends?"

Zack was just starting to think that maybe it was too late, that they had made things too weird, when Cloud finally turned and met his eyes. "Absolutely."

And yet Zack couldn't shake the feeling that something was definitely not right.

Chapter Text

The next morning dawned bright and fresh, and Zack felt like today was a day for action. He got up and tiptoed to the bathroom. When he came back Cloud was still fast asleep so he dressed quietly and prepared to head down to get breakfast, deciding to let Cloud sleep a little longer. There was nothing to get up for, after all.

He took a moment and looked at Cloud. Asleep, curled on his side, breathing easily. Zack felt the weirdest urge to reach over and run his fingers through his hair. In his imagination Cloud would wake up and Zack would be the first thing he'd see and he'd smile sleepily. Say Zack? Oh, hi. And Zack would say good morning, you sleep okay? And Cloud would tug him closer and then they'd kiss and–

Zack shook his head to force the vision to dissipate. What the fuck is wrong with you? Get it together, Zack.

As though he could feel Zack staring at him, Cloud started to stir. He rolled onto his back and stretched and yes, maybe Zack's mouth went dry at the sight of him arching his back and the little satisfied, sleepy grunt that he let out.

Get it together, Zack.

One eye cracked open. "Zack?" And, yes, that was how his little fantasy had started, but instead of reaching over to Zack and kissing him, Cloud pushed himself upright and yawned whilst giving Zack a look that could best be described as suspicious. "Were you watching me sleep?"

And that was not at all how things had gone in Zack's imagination. Watching you sleep? Kind of? "Nah, I was just trying to decide whether to let you sleep in or wake you up for breakfast. I was just about to head down, myself."

"Oh." Cloud yawned again. "Go on without me, I need to get woken up. Hey– did you remember to shave?"

Zack stroked his own chin. "Sure did. Smooth as a baby's bottom." Not that there was any way Cloud was likely to find out. Or care in the slightest. He was just asking because Zack had asked for a reminder, after all. "You want me to bring you anything for breakfast?"

"Maybe just some coffee?"

"C'mon, Cloud, you have to eat. What do you want? Fruit? Pastries? Eggs? Gotta keep your strength up for all this… well, all this sitting around waiting for something to happen. Doing nothing is hungry work."

Cloud smiled. It wasn't the smile Zack had been fantasising about, but it was still pretty cute. "Okay, then. Just bring me a pastry, or some toast or something. I'm not very hungry."

"Sure thing." Zack turned and headed for the door.

"Oh, and Zack?"

He turned with his hand on the door handle and looked back at Cloud.

"Thanks. For putting up with this. With me hiding up here and everything. I know it must seem stupid to you, so I just wanted to say I appreciate you going along with it. It means a lot to me that you've helped me out and haven't made a fuss about it or anything."

Zack strode back to his and ruffled his hair. "What are friends for? If you want to talk about it, I'll listen. But if you don't want to, that's fine too. I'll bring you some food, okay?"

While he ate his breakfast Zack came to a decision. He bounded back up the stairs of the inn to share the news with Cloud, who was fussing with his damp hair in the bedroom mirror. "Here you go. Eat up, Cloud, 'cause we got work to do!"

"We do? I thought you said we were going to be doing nothing?" Cloud sat down in front of the food. "Thanks for this, by the way."

"No problem. Okay, so, here's the plan." Zack sat down opposite Cloud. "Today's the day. No more putting things off. I'm going to go see Sephiroth and get him out of that creepy place. And I'm going to call Aerith and break things off with her. You're going to go talk to Tifa, whether you feel ready or not. Okay?"

"I… guess so?" Cloud did not look convinced.

"What time are we going to you mom's?"

"Oh. She didn't really say a time. Just that we should go for dinner. I guess we should head round there a little after five? Maybe I'll go round and ask her a bit later."

"Right. So if we end up being busy until then, I'll meet you back here around five." He pushed his chair back and dropped into a squat. "I have to go, the food they were packing up for me to take to Sephiroth should be ready by now. See you later?"

Cloud nodded around a mouthful of pastry.

*

Zack had no luck whatsoever with Sephiroth. He'd drunk yesterday's coffee but the food appeared to be untouched, apart from a weird row of little black seeds.

Ew. No, wait, those weren't seeds. Zack pulled a face in distaste. "Sephiroth, you know mice have been eating the food we left for you. Can you at least keep it covered up if you're not eating it?"

Sephiroth pulled another report from a shelf without even acknowledging Zack. Zack paced around the room. "Just talk to me, Sephiroth. You can't just sit here forever. They're gonna be expecting us back in Midgar before long. How long are you going to be here, anyway? There must be something we can do to help you?"

Sephiroth let out a very long sigh. "I'm pretty sure it's rats, actually. Don't worry about that. Just keep bringing the coffee."

It wasn't much, but it was progress. "Okay! Yeah, we can do that. Sure. Anything else? Anything you want to talk about?"

Sephiroth just looked at him, eyes narrowed. "I guess that means no, leave me alone. Okay. I can take a hint. Call me if you need anything! I'll bring more coffee later. And food! You should eat something! Don't let the rats have it!"

Sephiroth's fist visibly clenched around the pencil he was holding as his eyes narrowed further.

"Right! I'll leave you in peace, then. See you later!"

Overall, Zack felt like the interaction had been sort of positive. Sephiroth had acknowledged that the coffee was helpful, had actually asked for him to keep bringing it. That had to be a good sign, a sign that they were approaching a turning point. He resolved to go to the store before he returned, and see if he could buy some rat traps.

Speaking of turning points– he found an old, half-rotten bench in the garden outside the manor and sat down to call Aerith.

*

"I just… I guess I don't feel like this is going anywhere. As a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of thing. You know?" He silently, desperately hoped she'd know what he meant. So he waited.

Just as he was starting to worry that she wasn't going to say anything, Aerith finally responded. "I feel like I should be hurt– no, I am hurt, Zack. But I can't pretend I'm surprised. And I can't deny that a part of me has been thinking we should break up for a while. You're right. It isn't going anywhere. If it was going to go somewhere it would've happened by now, right?"

"Yeah. I think it would." Zack was so relieved that they seemed to be on the same page, because this stuff was really hard to explain. He didn't really understand it himself, had no hope of putting it in to words. In his head it was just a mess of I like you so much, and I love you but I don't think I love you like that, and I find you attractive but I don't desperately want to sleep with you and I can't explain why, not even to myself. I mean I would, but when we're together we're happy doing other stuff and I don't particularly want to change that.

Aerith seemed to be having a similar thought. "Sometimes I think we took things too slow and got to be too close as friends, maybe."

"Yeah, it could be that." Zack had never really taken things slow before, never really been friends first and then something more, and he wasn't sure how it was supposed to work. Not like this, though. Not to the point where you couldn't imagine doing anything more than being friends.

"Is there someone else?"

"We always said things weren't exclusive between us, Aerith." An image of Cloud, waking up in the bed just next to his, flashed into his head. "I don't have a good answer to that."

"Give me a bad answer, then. We may not have been exclusive but we were… something. Something important, to me at least. You owe me an answer of some sort."

"You know it was important to me, too. I… okay– firstly, even if there is someone else, that's not the reason why I'm ending this. What are we even doing? We've been kind-of-dating for two years and we haven't even slept together, and I'm pretty sure that's because neither of us are really that bothered. We hang out a lot, when I'm in Midgar, but we don't do couple-y stuff much. I love you, but I don't think we're attracted to each other in that way, you know?"

The silence at the other end of the line went on for a bit too long. "Aerith? You still there?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking. I know all of that, all of the things you said. I love you too. But you still haven't really answered my question. Does that mean there is someone, then?"

"I honestly don't know. I'm not deflecting, really, I… there's someone… but not really. It's kinda complicated. I don't know what's going on."

"Girl or guy?"

"A guy. We're not even… all we've done is make out a little, but I don't think it means the same to him as I think it might do to me. I don't even know what it means to me. Maybe nothing, maybe a lot, I don't know. But I do know he likes this… girl, actually. Shit, Aerith, I'm so stupid. What am I even doing? I have no reason to suspect he might even be interested in guys at all."

Why did it feel so much more normal to talk with her like this, about other people, than it ever did to talk about their own relationship?

"Let me get this straight– ha, straight, you, as if!" she snorted in a most unladylike manner. "Sorry, sorry. Got distracted there. Where was I? You've kissed him, but you don't know if he likes guys, let alone you in particular, and you do know he's into some girl. So, obvious question: what's he doing kissing you if he doesn't like guys?"

"I said it was complicated, and that's the sort of thing I meant. We've kissed, but not because we wanted to be kissing each other. More like…" Zack thought about it. He wasn't sure he should be telling other people that Cloud hadn't kissed anyone before. The reason why they'd been kissing wasn't his business to tell. "Sort of like if we'd been kissing for a dare. Not that, but that kind of thing."

"Ah. So he was kissing you for a dare, or that kind of thing, whereas you were kissing him because you like him."

"Well… no, not really. Definitely not at first. I was kissing him for the other reason too, but the more I think about it the more I realise that I think I like him."

"Wow, Zack. I'm afraid I can't offer any advice, because that just sounds like a mess. You're a mess. You dated me, but it took you two years to realise you don't like me like that. And now it's only after you've kissed this guy for some other, allegedly non-romantic and non-sexual reason, that you're realising you do like him like that. Have you thought about– and I know you're going to think this is a crazy idea, but hear me out– have you thought about talking to him?"

"I probably should, but I'm not sure if I dare."

"I know you can't tell right now, but I'm shaking my head in despair, and rolling my eyes about how useless you are."

"Good to know. And I know you can't tell right now, but I'm grinning at you."

She laughed. "Oh, I could absolutely tell. I can see it in my head as clearly as if you were standing right in front of me. So. Are we still friends?"

"I think that's all we ever were, so I hope this won't change anything. Oh, and let Kunsel help you fix that flower wagon, okay? I'd be happy to do it, but I think I might be stuck here for a while."

"In that case, maybe I will."

"He's cute, right? You could do worse. You should see him in the gym. He has abs to die for."

"Zack! You're still in the middle of breaking up with me and already trying to set me up with your cute friend? You really are awful. Get your own shit sorted out before you do that." But he could hear the smile behind her indignation.

They were going to be okay.

*

By the time darkness was falling and they were heading out to Cloud's house, Zack decided that the day had been pretty successful overall. Sephiroth has spoken to him. He'd broken up with Aerith, which was something he probably should have done a long time ago. And he'd managed to get a bunch of flowers to give to Cloud's mom when they went there for dinner.

Cloud's mother– Claudia– was charmed. "My, aren't you a gentleman?"

Zack, now in full-on charm mode, grinned in a way he knew moms loved. "I do my best, Mrs Strife."

"Cloud, you could learn a thing or two from Zack."

"Don't worry, Mrs Strife. I'm working on it. I've taught him a couple of things already."

Cloud turned red and sputtered, like he was trying desperately not to choke on his drink.

His mother looked at him with vague concern before turning back to Zack. "Maybe you should teach him some table manners, Zack, since I've obviously failed in that department."

Zack grinned again and patted him on the back. "Take your time, Cloud. You don't have to inhale it."

*

Claudia cornered Zack while she sent Cloud to serve up dessert, ignoring all of Zack's offers of help. "You're a guest, Zack. Finish your wine while Cloud does that." After Cloud had disappeared she lowered her voice. "Is he doing okay? He tells me so little and I do worry. I don't think life in the big city has turned out quite how he hoped. He doesn't seem very happy, though it can be hard to tell with Cloud. Not that he seems unhappy, but… well. You have no idea how relieved I am that he's brought a friend to meet me."

"Yeah, he's fine. I mean, the work can be hard and dangerous, I'm not going to lie to you about that. He's been sent on some difficult missions, more than I would've expected given his rank. I worry about him too, but I'm keeping an eye on him. I've been on a few missions with him and sometimes we hang out in Midgar when neither of us are on assignments. And I know there are a few other guys in his platoon who he's friendly with. He's kind of quiet, a lot of the time, but I think he's doing okay."

Claudia nodded. "He was always so shy. Withdrawn, even. And when he did hang out with the other kids he was always getting in to fights. I don't know why– it's not like he was big enough to be bullying the smaller kids, because he was the smaller kid. I think it was hard for him not having his dad around, and maybe he felt like he had to prove himself."

"Maybe. I bet he never lost those fights though, right?"

Claudia smiled. "He did usually come out on top, fortunately, despite being half the size of some of the other boys. And I'm pleased he wasn't getting beaten up, but I just wished he'd calm down. I'd hoped that being in an actual army would be an outlet for all of that. But… I don't know." She looked at Zack and her expression brightened. "But if you say he's doing okay, that puts my mind at rest somewhat. I know it's dangerous, and I won't stop worrying about that, but if you think he's happy enough then that's good enough for me."

Just then Cloud walked back in, balancing bowls and spoons in his arms as he opened the door from the kitchen with his foot. "It's okay, folks, don't mind me, you just sit there and drink wine and gossip about me while I struggle with all of this."

Zack put on his most indignant expression. "That's unfair. I offered to help, but your mom wouldn't let me."

"Right." Cloud put a bowl in front of him, a little aggressively. "I bet that's 'cause she wanted to grill you with all sorts of prying questions about me and what I get up to when she's not around."

Zack ignored him and looked at Claudia. "Is he always this sassy when he's at home? Because he's normally very sweet and quiet and polite." He grabbed a spoon and tucked in to his dessert.

She looked at Cloud affectionately and shrugged. "This seems normal to me."

"Huh. Interesting. What is this, by the way? It's delicious. You're a great cook, Mrs Strife."

Cloud rolled his eyes.

"What? You don't think this is great?"

"I know it's great. That's not up for debate. You just don't have to be all… you know. All oh, Mrs Strife, that's delicious, you're such a great cook and everything. Sucking up."

Zack ignored Cloud's mocking tone. "I'm just telling it like it is."

Claudia gave Cloud an affectionate whack to the back of the head. "Don't you listen to him, Zack. I think you're very polite. If Cloud keeps on like this I'll get the baby pictures out. That'll shut him up."

Zack's eyes positively lit up at the thought. Cloud dropped his spoon and groaned in despair.

Claudia ruffled his hair with a laugh. "Okay, baby, we'll stop picking on you. Let's change the subject. Do you know when you're leaving town?"

Zack answered without looking up from his bowl. "Not sure yet. We're waiting for Sephiroth to finish up some work in the old manor house."

"We always wondered if he'd ever come back here. I wonder if it brings back memories for him. Probably not. He was so young when they took him to Midgar."

Cloud and Zack looked at each other, puzzled. "What are you talking about, mom?"

"Sephiroth. He was born here. Though he wasn't much more than a baby when he left, so he won't remember any of us. But he used to play right here, in this house, with my sister. Your aunt Josephine, Cloud, who lives over in Rocket Town. She and Sephiroth were babies together. More wine, Zack?" She held up the almost-empty bottle casually, as though she hadn't just said something that changed Zack's entire world view.

"They… were?" Cloud was looking more and more confused. He'd given up on eating and dropped his spoon on the table.

"Yes. Sephiroth's mother left right after he was born– well, they told us she'd died, though that turned out not to be true– but that's not the point. He was left motherless, so they looked for someone in the village to nurse him. And my mother was still nursing Jo at the time, so she took care of Sephiroth for a lot of the time until he was weaned, and nursed them both. That makes them as good as siblings, you know. He was like my baby brother. That's how I knew how to look after you so well, Cloud. I'd had Sephiroth to practice on. He may not ever have been back here but he's family, whether he likes it or not. Do you think he'll want to come round for dinner tomorrow? What does he like to eat?"

Zack and Cloud were staring at each other, dumbfounded.

"Boys? Are you listening to a word I said? I asked whether Sephiroth would like to join us for dinner tomorrow?"

Cloud regained his composure first, although he was looking at his mother as if he was concerned she may have completely lost her mind. "Um. Yeah, we heard you. We just didn't… mom, are you sure about all of that? And how come you never mentioned it before?"

"I'm very sure. And I didn't mention it because, well…" her eyes flicked towards Zack as though unsure of how much to say in front of him. "When Sephiroth became famous you seemed to have almost… well, I wondered if you might have had a little crush on him, Cloud. Remember you have that poster on your wall and everything? So it felt like it would've been weird to mention it. Plus, it's not like he ever came back here, so it didn't matter. I don't know if he even remembers anything about it. He was so young."

Zack looked at Cloud again and shrugged. "I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know he's ever been here before. As far as I know, he doesn't know anything about his parents. Except– what was his mother's name?"

"Lucrecia."

*

Cloud slipped his helmet back on just before they left.  He was a little tipsy from his mom's wine and Zack grabbed him by the arm as they crossed the village square back towards the inn.

"So. You're really different when you're talking to your mom. You're way more confident, and you have a really strong accent."

"No I don't."

"Yes, you do. You absolutely do. Say something with a Nibel accent."

"How about you say something with a Gongaga accent?"

"Say what, exactly? I can't just do it on command like that."

"Exactly. Me neither. It just… happens, or not, depending on who I'm talking to."

"Aw, Cloud, c'mon. You're right here, at home. Of course you can do the accent, you were just doing it back there at your mom's. Pleeeeeease?" Zack stopped in front of him with his hands pressed together and his widest, most pleading puppy eyes, and blinked at him.

"No, stop it! You stop it right now, Zack, with the– with the eyes and stuff. I'm not falling for that." He batted Zack's hands down and kept walking around him. "Hey, so, do you think Sephiroth knows all of that stuff?"

Zack scampered to catch up. "About being born here and his mom and everything? No way. I know for sure that he doesn't know who his parents are. And he says he was born in Midgar, so if what your mom says is true, it'll definitely be news to him."

"Well, mom said she'd look for some old photos, so maybe we'll have some proof. Though if she says it, it must be true. She wouldn't make something like that up."

Zack grinned. "Hmm. Photos of baby Sephiroth, or photos of baby Cloud… hard to say which I'm more excited about."

"Be very careful. For all you know, our next mission could be to Gongaga. And then it'll be your baby photos we're looking at."

"Oh, god, I hope not. It's hot in Gongaga. Little kids spend a lot of time running around naked."

Cloud laughed.

Zack turned serious. "It's all pretty crazy stuff. But honestly, everything seems crazy ever since we got here. I don't know what to think about it all, or what to do."

"Is this to do with the weird stuff going on at SOLDIER, that you mentioned the other night?"

Zack nodded as he opened the door of the inn. "You told me before that you wanted to join. Don't. Stay well away."

"I couldn't even if I wanted to. I got rejected because… well, for one thing, I had a really bad reaction to mako."

Well, Zack had heard a story that could put a positive spin on that.  "Yeah, some people can't tolerate it. But it could've been worse.  I heard about this one guy who reacted so badly to the preliminary mako trial- not even the injections, you know when they just give you that nasty liquid stuff to take for a week?  Anyway, he had to stop after a few days and spent a week in the infirmary.  He-"

Cloud buried his head in his hands.  "Yeah, I know, that was me."

Zack kept walking up the stairs. "No, no, you're not listening.  It was this guy who took the liquid then got so sick he passed out during a patrol and had to be carried back to the barracks, then-"

"Zack.  Wait.  That was also me."

"And he threw up on the nurse, and they had to-"

As Zack opened the door to their room, Cloud grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him.  "Zack.  Listen.  All of those things were me.  It was my own stupid fault. I started feeling sick almost straight away, but I kept taking it because I wanted to push through and figured I'd be okay, and then, well, it was like you said. I blacked out on patrol. And then I went to the infirmary but I got worse before I got better, probably because they gave me some sort of mako medicine while I was unconscious, before they realised that's what I was having a reaction to. It was really unwell. They asked me if I had a message to pass on to my mom, in case I died from it." He kicked off his boots and walked into the room, leaving Zack standing by the door.

Zack started taking off his own boots but ended up with one lace knotted, hopping awkwardly on one leg whilst following Cloud into the room. "No shit?!  Cloud, that was you?  Ooh, I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity! Everyone knows that story." He looked at Cloud's disapproving gaze and changed his approach. "I mean- are you okay? That doesn't sound good." He finally managed to remove the offending boot and threw it across the room to join the other one.

Cloud put his helmet onto the floor and stripped off his jacket and scarf before flopping on to his bed. "You mean, am I recovered from my reaction to the mako?  Physically yes, but the embarrassment?  No.  Especially now I know you and everyone else knows about it."

Zack perched on the edge of his own bed and looked at Cloud as he pulled off his socks. "Wow.  It was pretty bad, huh?"

"It wasn't the best experience of my life.  I remember being so cold, then so hot.  And vomiting a lot.  But after it got really bad, I don't remember a lot of it, honestly.  I was pretty out of it in the hospital." He looked away.  "I remember crying a lot.  Does everyone know about that, too?"

"I never heard anything about the guy crying, no. Awww, if only we'd been friends back then. I would've come to visit. Cheered you up, brought you snacks." Zack laughed in disbelief.  "I can't believe that was you." Then he realised the implications of it all and became serious.  "But– that's pretty serious.  And it means you can't try again to join SOLDIER later on. The mako enhancements are kinda… non-negotiable."

"Yeah, I guess it's pretty serious.  They gave me medical alert dog tags and everything, to make sure I don't get given any mako-based medicines." He pulled his tags out from under his shirt and sure enough, he had an extra one. Bright red with his name at the top and ALLERGIC TO MAKO stamped at the bottom.  "And I definitely can't try out for SOLDIER again.  So that's that dream out of the window." His voice had the tight quality of someone who was trying to make light of something they actually cared deeply about.

Zack ran his thumb over the raised words, the end of Cloud's dream marked irrefutably in metal and hung around his neck, unsure what to say. He posted the tags back inside Cloud's shirt. "I'm sorry. But you'll stay with Shinra?"

"I don't know.  Maybe.  Like I said, I cried a lot when all this happened, but the guy in the infirmary was really nice about it all.  Said I showed a lot of promise and they need people like me. But I'm sure they say that to everyone."

"Wow, Cloud.  This isn't like you.  You're really opening up tonight." Zack was delighted that Cloud was so chatty, but it didn't feel appropriate given the subject matter. He tried to push it down by changing the subject to something decidedly less delightful. "Maybe now's the time to go call on Tifa, huh? Since I bet you didn't do it again today."

"I– um, didn't, no. But I think it's probably kind of late for that now?" Cloud lay down on his bed, looking very much like he had no interest in going anywhere.

Zack hid his relief with a sigh. "I suppose so. Tomorrow, then."

"Yeah, maybe," Cloud said, unconvincingly.

"Why didn't you talk to her?" A part of Zack (a small, hopeful part) was starting to think that maybe Cloud didn't really want to talk to Tifa after all. He must have had a ton of chances to go find her by now. Must've walked past her in the street. But he was still wearing his helmet around town, so it's not like she'd recognise him unless he went to speak to her.

Then Zack had a thought. "Wait- is this about last night? Are you still freaking out? 'Cause I told you– there's nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens. And besides– if you think that was fast, wait til you feel how good it feels when you get someone else's hands on you. You're probably gonna come so fast…"

Cloud sat up slowly and looked at Zack with a horrified expression.

Zack scratched his head sheepishly. "Huh. That probably wasn't a helpful thing to say, was it?"

"It's true, though, isn't it?" said Cloud, with a hint of panic in his voice.

"Oh, well, yeah? Maybe? I mean, it's really impossible to say." He focused on unbuckling his armour so he didn't have to look Cloud in the eye.

"No it's not. It's not impossible at all. You literally just said wait til you feel how good it feels. You said you're gonna come so fast. That's exactly what you said."

"I mean… yeah. It's different from when you do it yourself. It's… different in a good way! Obviously in a good way."

"The sort of good way that means I'll… you know… even more embarrassingly fast than yesterday?"

Zack opened his mouth to speak and thought better of it. "I'm going to take some time to think about it before I answer that, because I keep saying the wrong thing."

So he thought about it. Then thought a bit more, trying to work out how to balance honesty and reassurance. "Okay. Look. I don't know how to explain it, but I'll try. Yeah, it feels different to when you do it yourself. Better, in some ways. But not always? Because you know how you like it, and you're used to jerking off however feels best for you. Another person isn't necessarily going to get that right away, even if you're good at telling them what you want. Also– sometimes with another person you can get kind of lost in your own head and do too much thinking and not enough… letting go. Especially if you're nervous. And then it can last a long time, but maybe not in such a good way? There's no way to predict how it's gonna go for you, really. But what I do know is that when you do do that, it'll be fun, and you probably won't mind how fast it is. Seriously. You don't need to worry. When it's the right time, with the right person, it'll just happen and it'll all be good."

Cloud still didn't look convinced. "You know what? I don't like the sound of this much. I think I'll just keep my dick to myself for the time being. That's probably for the best."

"Noooo, no, don't say that. It's fine! You need to get out there and enjoy yourself. Don't listen to me, I don't know what I'm talking about. And when I do know what I'm talking about, most of what I say is stupid anyway." Zack swept his hair back and sighed in frustration at being unable to get his point across in the way he wanted.

Well. There was one way he could think of. "You know what? Why don't you just take your pants off and I'll show you."

"I… what?"

Well, okay. So that had been another really dumb thing to say. Zack had to decide whether to backtrack or double down. He thought about it very briefly and decided that yes, he said things without thinking and that was just who he was and he might as well just own it. "Yeah, and it's only me, so no pressure, right? Doesn't matter if you come in thirty seconds or thirty minutes. Though… if it takes thirty minutes my wrist is not going to be happy."

Cloud's cheeks had gone pink. He looked like he was giving the offer serious consideration.

Zack figured it couldn't hurt to make the offer one more time. "Like I said, no pressure. Totally up to you." Maybe shut up now, Zack?

To his shock, Cloud nodded, slowly. "Okay."

"Oh. Really?"

Cloud nodded again, with determination. "But only if you let me do you too, this time."

"Cloud. I'm not offering this because I hope you'll reciprocate." Obviously that would be nice. Obviously. Zack's not exactly going to complain about a hand job. But that wasn't the point here.

"But if I want to?" Cloud asked, sort of nervously.

"As long as you do want to. You're not just saying it?"

"No. I do want to. Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

That was good enough for Zack, despite the whisper in the back of his mind that said maybe you wouldn't want to because you have a thing for Tifa, a girl, because you're straight, and that'd be a weird thing for a straight guy to want to do. "Your bed or mine?"

Cloud shrugged. "I'm already here, so…"

"Good point." Zack finished shrugging out of his armour and dropped it on the floor by his bed before moving on to unzip his pants and wriggle them down to the floor too.

"You wanna take yours off?" He nodded in the direction of Cloud's trousers, whilst pulling his uniform top over his head. "It'll be one less thing to think about."

Cloud obliged, throwing his own pants onto a pile of clothes that he seemed to be accumulating steadily in a corner of the room.

"Right." Zack, stripped down to his boxers, briefly wondered whether this was too much, whether he should've kept a shirt on… but it'd be weird to put one back on now, so he decided to just get on with it. He bounced down onto Cloud's mattress and palmed him through his underwear, fingertips just barely grazing his balls. Cloud gasped quietly and bit his lip between his teeth. Zack grinned. "Kissing first? That doesn't have to be how you start this sort of thing off, but, you know. It's always nice."

Cloud nodded, dumbstruck– though that was most likely because Zack hadn't moved his hand. To Zack's surprise and joy, Cloud didn't wait to be kissed. Just as Zack was about to lean in, Cloud leaned right over and met his mouth.

Zack didn't feel any urge to offer kissing tips, now, because this was undeniably good. There were still hints of inexperience– it was a bit wetter than Zack would've preferred, and something about the pacing was a bit off– but nothing Zack felt the need to correct. He could do this all night and not get bored.

Zack still didn't move his hand. He felt Cloud become fully hard, felt his hips push against Zack's hand involuntarily. Zack reminded himself that they weren't supposed to be doing this all night. Kissing was good– great, actually, but it wasn't the main part of the plan. He had one simple aim, which was to give Cloud a hand job, and there was no reason not to get started on that now.

When Zack finally lifted his hand from Cloud's underwear, there was a noticeable damp patch beneth his hand and Cloud was breathing heavily and looked mildly disgruntled.

Zack wasted no time in pushing Cloud's underwear out of the way and taking him in his hand. He was rewarded with the sight of Cloud's head falling back against the wall as he sighed an oh .

Zack moved his hand, frustratingly gently and slowly at first, until he couldn't ignore Cloud's squirming. "You want more?"

Cloud nodded, and Zack obliged, gripping him harder and moving faster.

"Zack, wait. Can I…?" He didn't finish the question but he did slip his hand under the waistband of Zack's underwear.

"Oh. You wanna do that. Mmm. Sure, go for it. That's– or, wait, I have an idea–"

Cloud waited, looking confused as Zack lay down, pushing his own underwear down beneath his hips, and coaxed Cloud down onto his side on the bed so they were face to face.

Zack moved his hips closer and Cloud's eyes widened as he realised Zack's intention.

Maybe this was going to be too much. Zack hadn't really thought about it but now he was doing it, it seemed somehow so much more intimate than just giving your friend a hand job while you sat next to him on his bed. He was sort of regretting being basically naked while Cloud was still half dressed, and he felt very aware of being in Cloud's personal space. Zack half expected Cloud to ask him what he was doing, but he seemed happy enough as Zack wrapped his fingers around them both at once and started moving with firm strokes.

Cloud kissed him again, and everything was suddenly even better. Zack thought back to what he'd said to Cloud before. He decided to follow his own advice and just let it happen.

*

"Zack…"

Cloud had given up on kissing a few minutes ago, too lost in sensation for the concentration it required. Zack was hyper aware of Cloud's breathing and the little noises he was making and was fairly certain he was getting close to the edge, and fast. He slowed his pace.

"You close?"

Cloud made a noise that sounded sort of like mmmnnghhaaaahh. Zack took that as a yes.

Maybe it was selfishness, because he didn't want this to end yet. Maybe he was just trying to protect Cloud's self-esteem and reassure him about his worries of finishing too fast. He thought about what might work to distract him and make this last. "Try thinking about…" He didn't know what was going on in Cloud's head but it was probably Tifa, right? What was the opposite of Tifa? "…me?" and something that always helped him focus– "doing squats."

It did not have the intended effect.

It seemed a reasonable assumption that thinking of Zack doing squats would pull Cloud back from the edge, but he must've left the distraction too late because mere moments later Cloud stiffened, thrust up into Zack's hand and grabbed his arm in a white-knuckled grip and came with a shout of something that sounded like Zack's name but was muffled in Zack's shoulder.

Zack stroked Cloud's hair with his clean hand and met Cloud's eyes with a grin. "See? That wasn't so bad, right? That wasn't too fast at all."

"No, but you didn't…"

"Not yet. Didn't expect to come at the same time. That's waaaay more advanced level stuff. Takes a lot of coordination and pacing and stuff. Nah, this is fine."

"Can I take over?" Cloud didn't wait for an answer, reaching a hand down between them and grabbing Zack's cock with determination.

"Oh. Mmm. You don't have to do this. You already know how to jerk a guy off, I'm sure you've done it to yourself a ton of times. And– aah, Cloud– this is absolutely nothing like touching a girl, so I'm not sure it'll be much use to you as a learning experience."

Zack mentally slapped himself. Was he really trying to talk someone out of giving him a hand job? Because that seemed like a really stupid thing to do.

Cloud just ignored him and tightened his grip. "Is this okay?"

"Absolutely okay. More than okay. Maybe a little faster?"

Zack covered Cloud's hand with his own, squeezed a little tighter and showed him the pace he liked. Cloud nodded and kept it going when Zack let go. Zack closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling.

Zack reached over and tangled his fingers in Cloud's hair. He looked into those blue eyes, dazed and trusting and wanting, and that was enough to push him over the edge.

When he came to his senses Zack kissed Cloud lazily. Cloud stopped and looked at him with an expression of concern. "It was okay, right?"

"Are you just fishing for compliments? You know it was okay. Better than okay. The actual, physical evidence that I had a good time is literally right here." Zack swiped his hand down his stomach, glistening in the low light. He kinda wanted to lick it, but he couldn't think of anything likely to freak out a straight guy faster than licking the come off your hand after a quick mutual jerking off session, so he contented himself with wiping it on his underwear. He needed to do laundry anyway.

"Did you want a shower?"

Cloud looked down at the stains on his t shirt. "Nah. I'm pretty tired. I'll just put a fresh t-shirt on for now, and shower in the morning." He rolled out of bed and startyed looking through his bag.

Zack stood up and headed for the bathroom. "Right. Well, I should go get cleaned up."

"Wait- Zack, I wanted to say something. About what you said, about it being different with a girl."

Zack yawned and, leaning back out around the bathroom door, threw his messy boxers onto his ever growing pile of laundry at the end of his bed. "Sure. Remind me tomorrow, I'll draw you a diagram and talk you through the main points."

"No, I–"

"It's fine. You look wiped out. Get some sleep."

Cloud looked like he wanted to say something, but when Zack came out of he bathroom he was fast asleep.

Chapter Text

The next day passed uneventfully. Zack took Sephiroth food (which he ignored) and coffee (which he drank). Cloud went to spend some time with his mother, and arranged for himself and Zack to go back there for dinner again that evening. Zack spent most of the day bored and was relieved when evening fell and it was time to return to Cloud's house.

Zack managed, to his own glee and Cloud's horror, to get his mom to bring out a family photo album.

"Huh. I thought you looked just like your mom, but now I've seen a picture of your dad I think you look just like him too."

Claudia hummed in agreement and pointed to the picture. "He would have been a little older than Cloud is now, in this one. Probably about your age, Zack." She turned the page. "Oh, look. Here's Cloud in the bath."

"Mom, no!" Cloud put his head down on the table in despair.

Zack laughed. "It's okay. If we ever find ourselves in Gongaga I'll take you to my mom's to see my baby pictures. I already warned you– I grew up in the jungle. It was hot, so little kids mostly don't wear many clothes. I think almost all the pictures of me before I was five or so are naked pictures."

Caludia looked at them fondly. "Gongaga's very remote. I bet you don't get back there to visit often. I hope you write to your mother more often than Cloud writes to me."

"Definitely not. I'm a terrible letter writer. I'm sure my mother despairs of me."

Claudia ruffled Cloud's hair. "Well, I suppose that's boys for you."

"Did you ever wanna swap him for a girl? I sometimes think my mom would've preferred a daughter."

"Absolutely not." She kissed the top of Cloud's head. "I wouldn't change him for the world."

"Mom!" Cloud looked embarrassed but happy, and Zack found himself smiling too.

*

After dinner they started heading back to the inn, but Zack suggested taking a detour. "You want to take a walk? I need to burn off some of that dessert. Have I told you how much I love your mom's cooking?"

Cloud laughed. "You may have mentioned it once or twice, yes. So. Let's go this way– if we head out of town along the main path, we can walk along the river. Come on." He led the way down a gravel track. Once they got out of town he took his helmet off and tucked it under his arm.

"Your mom's great. It's really nice of her to let me tag along when she probably just wants you to herself."

"I think she's happy I made a friend. And relieved. Back when I lived here there weren't many other kids and I didn't really get along with them, so she was worried about me."

"What about Tifa? You got along with her, right?"

Cloud thought about it. "I didn't not get along with her, but we weren't exactly close. When we were really little we played together, but then… I suppose you could say she got close to some other kids who didn't like me."

"So you just ended up having a crush on her from afar?"

"Mmm. Something like that."

"And you didn't talk to her today?"

"I spent most of the day at my mom's, so no."

Zack wanted to push, to ask what exactly are you waiting for? But even he could sense that it wasn't something Cloud wanted to talk about, so he let it go for now and changed the subject.

"Was your mom really only seventeen when she had you?"

"Yeah. By the time she was your age she was raising me alone. It's crazy, right? I mean, she had family around when I was really young , so it's not like she had no support, but she was basically doing it alone."

Zack shook his head in disbelief. "When I was born, my parents were older than your mom is now."

"That'd be considered pretty old to be having your first kid in these parts."

"I bet. It's the same in Gongaga. That's country living for you, right? My parents were considered really weird for not having their first kid til their mid-thirties. But they married late and had almost given up on the idea of having kids when I finally came along." Zack skipped ahead a few paces and walked backwards, looking at Cloud. "What do you think happened to your dad, anyway?"

Cloud looked at the ground, not meeting Zack's eyes. "I think he left us. Don't tell my mom I said that, though."

Zack shook his head and fell back into step next to Cloud. "Course not. Why d'you think that?"

"I just think… he would've been about your age when he met my mom. A little younger, actually. He'd left home and was out having adventures, exploring the world… next thing he knew he was married at eighteen, with a kid on the way, living in some backwater shithole even more boring than the place he grew up in himself. It hardly seems like something he'd have really wanted, you know? But I do think he was in love with my mom, so I guess he gave it a try for a year or two, being settled down, and it just wasn't for him. Living here with a baby must've been pretty boring to someone like that. So he decided to take off again. At least he made it look like an accident. That made things a lot easier for my mom, I think. So he can't have been all bad, right?"

Cloud veered off onto a smaller track next to a stream, and Zack followed him.

"I doubt he was all bad. I don't think there are many people who are . I think it sounds like him and your mom were both really young and in love and maybe they didn't make the most sensible decisions. Though honestly? I'm kinda pleased they didn't, because otherwise maybe they wouldn't have had you, and then I'd never have met you. And your dad… well, when you explain it like that, it makes sense. But if he did leave you, I bet he always regretted it. I bet he could never really enjoy the places he went and the things he saw, because a part of him would always know that he missed seeing you grow up."

"I dunno. Maybe."

"Have you ever thought about trying to find him?"

"Nah. It'd feel like betraying my mom, you know? Admitting that I think he might still be alive. Which, of course, he may well not be. So it could all be a waste of time anyway. And I'm not interested in knowing him, so there's no point. Though sometimes I see a guy who looks like him and it's… I don't know how to describe it. It's a weird feeling."

"Yeah. I bet."

Cloud stopped at a spot on a small bridge by some trees, and started picking up stones to throw absentmindedly into the stream. "What would you do? If you got a girl pregnant? Would you leave SOLDIER and marry her and raise the kid?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'd like to have kids some day, but I don't think I'd want to do that now. I know what the right thing would be, but I can't say for sure that I'd do it. You can't be married in SOLDIER– Shinra basically owns you– and I have no idea what else I could do to make enough of a living to support a kid. So… I don't know."

Cloud nodded. "Me neither. Though I like to think I wouldn't abandon a kid, especially since it happened to me and I know what it's like to grow up with that shadow over you. Maybe I should just stay a virgin forever, to be on the safe side."

Zack took a moment to consider him. "I don't think you'd abandon a kid. Though you are a lot like your dad- you look a lot like him, for one thing. And you wanted to get out of your small town and go do something bigger, so you did. That sounds exactly like your dad."

"My mom wanted to get out of here too, you know, so maybe I get that from her. It was me who kept her tied to this place, because when you have a kid and no husband you don't have a lot of options. You can't just up and leave."

Zack threw a stone into the river. Too hard, and it missed the water, bounced off a tree and started a pair of ducks. "Oops. Aw, man. I still can't believe your mom had you at seventeen. She's thirty-three. Shit, I've slept with women who are older than your mom."

Cloud gave him an indignant shove. "Zack! What is wrong with you? I'm going to add that to my list of things you shouldn't have said. Along with hey Cloud, are you a virgin, and wait and see how fast you'll come when someone else touches you, we now have I've slept with women who are older than your mom. I'm writing all of these down when we get back to the inn."

Zack leaned against the railing on the bridge and held up his hands in apology. "I'm sorry! I know, I know, sometimes I just say things without thinking."

Cloud sat down with his legs hanging over the edge of the bridge, swinging over the water. "It's almost like you left home too young and never got properly socialised."

"Urgh. Now you sound like Angeal." He lowered his voice to an approximation of Angeal's. "Zack, you're like a feral child. Zack, not all thoughts are meant to be said out loud. Zack, were you raised by wolves?"

"Angeal was right."

Zack sighed in resignation and threw a stone into the river. "Yeah, I know. He usually was. But I do know I say stupid things. It used to drive my dad crazy, and I tried to do better, but I just…" He threw another stone before sitting down next to Cloud. "Things like that are part of the reason why I left home. However hard I tried, I'm still like… well, like this. Like me. So I only say these things because I feel comfortable around you. Like I can let my guard down, I don't have to worry about every little thing. I know that if I say something stupid you'll just call me out on it and not be offended. I'm not like that with everyone, believe it or not."

"So you're saying I should be pleased that you say weirdly I appropriate things around me?"

"Yes! Exactly!" Zack bounced happily. "See, I knew you'd get it. This is why we make such good friends, right?" He turned serious. "But you're not offended, right? Promise me you'll say if you are. I can be more careful. I don't want to upset you."

"I'm not offended. Does it upset you when I tease you about it?"

"No, because I know you mean it, um… I don't know how to explain it. You mean it affectionately, maybe? You mean it the same way Angeal did. He said those things that could've been mean but they weren't, because he liked me and he didn't try to change me, not really. He knew that was just the way I was and made sure I knew that I needed to be careful, because some people might not be so understanding. It's a good life lesson, you know? Some people will just get you, and some people just won't. You have to find the right people who you can get along with and who will like you as you are."

"Huh." Cloud swung his legs. "This has turned unexpectedly deep."

"Do you mind?"

"No. Sometimes I feel like a lot of people don't really get me, either."

"I do. I get you."

"I know you do. Other people say things like Cloud's so shy and quiet, or Cloud, you seem bored, or you're always so miserable, would it kill you to try smiling once in a while? But I don't think I am miserable, not really. This is just how I am. I don't feel miserable, I'm okay, happy even, but I don't show it in a way that makes sense to other people."

Cloud tilted his head back to look at the sky, and Zack followed his example. Dusk was falling, and the first stars were starting to show above the mountains.

Zack couldn't remember the last time he felt so comfortable around someone. Even with all the weird stuff going on with Sephiroth, and SOLDIER, and the reactor, being around Cloud was just so… safe, and easy.

Cloud turned his head to look at Zack. Zack looked back and Cloud held his gaze.

The stars shone and the stream burbled gently, and for one brief, shining, euphoric moment Zack thought Cloud was going to kiss him.

Then Cloud flicked his eyes away and picked up another stone to throw into the river. The moment was broken.

"Well, I don't think you're miserable." Zack put his arm around Cloud and squeezed his shoulder.

"And I don't think you were raised by wolves."

"You haven't met my father. But-" Zack hopped to his feet and reached out a hand towards Cloud. "That's a story for another day. We should get back to town before it gets completely dark, and take Sephiroth his evening coffee."

Cloud grasped his hand and let Zack pull him to his feet.

*

Cloud insisted that it was his turn to take food to Sephiroth, giving Zack some time to reply to a few messages, take a shower and do a few squats to tire himself out before bed.

Zack had barely got started with the squats when Cloud came back, clutching his arm. When he took his helmet off he looked deathly pale.

“You okay?"

“I think so.  But–”  he took his hand from his arm to reveal a trickle of blood.  “Sephiroth swiped me with his sword.”

“Shit. He did what?!”

“He said the coffee was cold, and he had more important things to worry about than people who can’t even make good coffee.  Then as I went to take the cup back so I could get a fresh one, he…”

“Right. Okay.”   It was far from okay. That didn’t sound like Sephiroth.  A lot of powerful people treated their underlings like crap, but it wasn’t Sephiroth’s style.  Zack put that aside to think about more later, after dealing with the more urgent aspects of the situation: like the fact that blood was running down to Cloud's elbow and dripping slowly on to the floor.  “Let me see that.”

It was bleeding a lot because Masamune was so sharp, but at first glance it didn't appear to be a particularly deep cut. In the heat of a battle Zack would’ve left it be, or healed it with materia. But everyone knew that if you could, it was best to deal with things the old fashioned way.  And that meant cleaning it up properly.

“Sit down.”  He guided Cloud to the edge of his bed.  “Does it hurt?”

“Not really.  Stings a little.”

“Okay.  Take your jacket off.” Zack went into the bathroom and washed his hands, leaving the door open and watching Cloud the whole time.

Cloud started to take bits of his armour and uniform off, dropping them on the floor by the bed.  He winced when it came to twisting his arm around to pull his hand through the bloodstained sleeve of his jacket.  

“And the shirt.  Come on, take it off.  It needs washing and mending anyway. I’ll get bandages. I've first-aided you before, you know I can do a good job.”

Zack grabbed his bag and started rummaging through it for his first aid kit, leaving Cloud fumbling with his shirt buttons, holding his arm at an awkward angle and eventually pushing the shirt off his shoulders and throwing it onto the floor.

And.  Huh.  

It wasn’t like Zack didn’t often see other young men without their tops on.  The gym, and the training room, and the locker room… but he didn’t normally feel so much like he was looking at something he shouldn’t be.  Maybe it was because Cloud looked kind of uncomfortable, or… 

Deep breath.

Zack looked at the cut. Cuts, actually- the sword had swiped across the top of his arm and then onto his chest, just below his collarbone. Zack's initial impression had been correct- it really wasn’t that deep, but it had the sore look to it that comes from a cut by something seriously sharp.

He ripped open an antiseptic wipe.  “This is gonna sting.”

Cloud winced, and hissed through his teeth, and clenched his fist.  Zack felt bad, even though it was necessary. “Sorry.”

“You could’ve just cast some magic on it.”

“I could, and if I thought it needed it I would, but this is better.  It'll heal more nicely if we leave it to itself and let nature take its course. Trust me.”

He continued cleaning up the wound, talking to himself to distract Cloud.  “The cut on your chest isn't much more than a sharp scratch. It's scabbing over already. I don't even think you need a dressing on that, though you'll need to keep it clean and keep an eye on it. He got your arm a lot deeper, though, and it's still bleeding quite a bit." He looked at it critically. "I can't leave it like this. I can stitch it if you like? Or casting a cure should get it closed up a bit so it can start healing."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Zack, but honestly? I don't particularly want you to stitch up my arm. I suppose I could get my mom to take a look at it, but she'd drive me crazy with fussing and worrying. Try curing it."

"That's probably a good choice. I've never done stitches on an actual real live person before." Zack's healing materia was in his sword, so he reached out a hand to grab it and cast a cure. Immediately– and fortunately, Zack thought, because he really didn't want to have to stitch Cloud's arm up– the cut looked like it was going to stay closed. "That should do it, but you’ll have to go easy and try not to pull at it for a day or two. Here, hold out your arm and let me bandage it up.”  He opened up a bandage and tied it around Cloud’s arm.  “There.  Good as new.”

“Thanks.”

Zack gestured towards Cloud's bag. “You want me to pass you a clean shirt?”

“I don’t have another.  I, um… I took my laundry to my mom this morning.  That–" he looked down at the torn, bloody mess on the floor– "was my last clean shirt.”

Zack laughed.  “You took your laundry to your mom? Good call.  I’d do the same if I was back in my home town.”  He grabbed his own bag again and raked through it until he found a clean t-shirt.  “Here.  Borrow this.”

The shirt was big on Cloud, but that was no surprise.  Zack had a good six inches of height on him, not to mention many pounds of mako-muscle.

So yeah, Zack's shirt was big on Cloud, but… not as big as Zack expected.  He filled it out surprisingly nicely.  And if it was that, and not the expertly-applied bandage, that Zack found himself looking at when he stood back to admire his handiwork, so what?  That didn't mean anything.

He did a few squats in an attempt to distract himself.  Just for good measure.

But there was Cloud, sitting on the edge of his bed wearing Zack's shirt. And there was more muscle on him than Zack had thought, not that he’d thought about that, or was thinking about it, or–

Maybe talking about it would make it less of an big deal? "I don't know why you're so shy about getting your clothes off. You've got a really nice body, you know."

"Don't, Zack. That doesn't make me feel better." Cloud looked more embarrassed than flattered.

"I'm not saying it to make you feel better, I'm saying it because it's true."

"It's not exactly close to your level, let's put it that way."

"I'm not sure that's true. And besides, you're two years younger and unenhanced. The six pack basically came free with the mako. Hardly had to work for it at all." Zack splayed out one hand over his abs as though to make his point.

"When you put it like that, it hardly seems fair."

"Well, you're doing okay without it, that's all I meant. I feel like most people who saw you shirtless would think, you know, positive thoughts. Take the compliment."

“Thanks, I think? I spend a lot of time in the gym, but that's mostly because I don't have a lot of friends so I don't have much else to do." He looked down at the bandage on his arm. "I really need to stop getting myself injured around you."

"Yeah. About that. You're not going to take Sephiroth's stuff any more. In fact, I'm going to go talk to him again first thing in the morning. Would you mind coming along to wait outside in case I need backup?"

"I'm not sure how much help I'd be, but sure."

"Great! You and me, after breakfast tomorrow. We'll go get this whole mess sorted out." It was past time to get some answers about what was going on.

Cloud nodded and yawned. "Sure. I'm gonna go take a shower before bed."

"Okay, but keep that arm dry and don't run the water too hot. I don't want you passing out from blood loss."

"I just want to get the blood splashes out of my hair, Zack. I'll be quick and I'll be fine."

"I'm warning you- I'll be waiting out here and if I think you've taken too long and you're not answering when I call you, I'm coming in."

Cloud laughed. "That won't be necessary, but fine."

*

It felt like they'd been lying there in the dark forever. Every time Zack felt himself finally drifting on the edge of sleep, Cloud rolled over or wriggled around or thunked his head back onto his pillow, and eventually Zack had to say something.

"Can't sleep?"

Cloud sighed. "No. Sorry, am I keeping you awake? I usually sleep on this side but it's sore and I just can't get comfortable."

Zack couldn't see which side he meant but presumably it was the side where he'd been cut. "You want me to grab you some painkillers?"

"Thanks, but I already took some before I got into bed. Hasn't made much difference." Zack heard him rolling over again. "And I'm so tired. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should go for a walk, get some fresh air. But I 'm too tired to get up. I just want to lie here and sleep." Cloud sighed in frustration.

Zack, impulsive as always, said the first thing that came into his head: "I can think of one thing you could try that always sends me straight off to sleep."

"What?"

Zack didn't say anything. He didn't have to wait for long before understanding dawned on Cloud.

"Oh. Right. That."

It may have been too dark to see well, but Zack got the impression that Cloud was probably blushing. He rolled over to face Cloud and propped himself up on his elbow. "Listen, if you wanna jerk off I can make myself scarce for a while."

"What, you're gonna go sit in the bathroom and wait, and when I'm done I'll just call you back in? Hey Za-ack, I'm done masturbating, you can come back in now. Bring tissues."

"I– well, no. Not like that. I don't really know, I hadn't thought about the details. I can go out for a walk or something, if you want some privacy?"

Zack's eyes were adjusting to the darkness now, and he could see Cloud had buried his head in his hands. "You're just making things weird."

"Would it work, though? Will having an orgasm make you drop off to sleep? Last night you were really sleepy after we did that stuff."

"I mean… yeah, maybe. That's normally how it works, and I'd probably give it a shot if I was alone, but I'm not, and… like I said. It's weird."

"I could blow you, if you like?"

Cloud's bed creaked as he pushed himself upright. "Excuse me?"

"Blow you. You know, suck you off. Oral sex." It'd been a while since Zack got to give a blow job. It wasn't his motivation behind offering it, but now he'd got to thinking about it he really missed having a dick in his mouth.

"I know what you mean, Zack, I'm not that naive. I meant… seriously?"

"Sure. And I'm pretty sure you get more sleepy hormones and stuff if someone else gets you off compared to when you do it yourself. Right?"

"Um… I don't know? Is that true?"

"It always seems to work that way for me, so yeah. It makes scientific sense, right?"

"I don't think that's how science works."

"Worth a shot, though? And besides– I guess you haven't done it before, and you are gonna love it. Seriously. It'll be good practice, so you'll know what to expect when you try it with a girl, right?" Zack privately suspected that not many girls could suck cock half as well as he does, and that Cloud expecting it to be the same would only be setting him up for disappointment when he tries it with a girl further down the line.

He kept that thought to himself. It's not his problem if he's a hard act to follow.

"Would you… would you want to do that?"

"Sure. I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't something I liked doing. Besides– I've had it in my hand, I can put it in my mouth."

"Please tell me that's not a rule you apply to everything in life."

"No, of course not. " He stopped and thought for a moment. "Though honestly, now that I think about it, I'd say it's a pretty good rule of thumb in the bedroom. So: you wanna try it or not?"

Cloud thought about it for what seemed like a really long time. "Yeah, but only if you let me do it to you too."

That was… unexpected. But not unwelcome.

"Okay... if you're sure you want to. But not tonight. I'll talk you through it tomorrow."

"Tomorrow. Sure." Cloud nodded. "Right. So. Um. What do you want me to do?"

"Oh. Underwear off? I mean, I can work around it if you like, but it's easier if you just get rid altogether. Plus that's right where my face is gonna be, so underwear or not, I'm basically going to see everything anyway." Zack got out of his bed and sat down on the edge of Cloud's as he shuffled out of his boxers.

Zack wanted to kiss him, because isn't that how these things usually got started? You kissed a little, then things got a bit more… intense and that's how you ended up sucking cock. And yes, maybe he wanted to make this good, and make it last, but he had to remind himself that he wasn't exactly aiming for romance here. This was supposed to be a functional blow job, and there was no point in pretending it was something else.

You're doing this because Cloud can't sleep, and also because he should probably try out what getting sucked off feels like so he knows what to expect when he does it for real. You don't need to kiss him to make either of those happen. Just get on with it.

Zack ran a hand up Cloud's thigh and heard his breath catch. "You ready?" He looked up and saw his eyes catch the light from the town square outside as he nodded.

So. Functional. Zack wasted no time with teasing. He took Cloud in his mouth and set to work. Cloud immediately let out a sigh of pleasure.

Getting him fully hard took no effort on Zack's part. He was already most of the way there just from talking about it. Zack listened as his sighs turned into moans that were downright filthy.

Zack fumbled for Cloud's hand in the darkness and found a fist crumpling the sheets. He took his hand and put it in his own hair.

"Zack?" Cloud breathed, "Everything okay?

"Yeah, just… hand in the hair. If that's okay with you." Cloud complied eagerly as Zack sunk back down onto him, running his fingers through Zack's hair gently at first, then less so, before tangling his fingers in Zack's hair and tugging in a way that made him lose his pace for a moment.

Cloud stopped, releasing his grip on Zack's hair, and sounded concerned. "What's wrong?"

Zack paused again and took the opportunity to roll Cloud's balls in his hand while he answered. "Mmm. Nothing's wrong. I'm very much okay." Cloud just moaned again and tangled his fingers back into Zack's hair.

Zack had never expected this to last long. He'd been with enough guys to know when the noises Cloud was making changed from meaning oh this is nice to meaning this is not going to last much longer. A particular cry of oh, Zack, caught his attention and he stopped for a moment to say, "Just come in my mouth, okay?"

He didn't pay attention to whether Cloud responded or not, but seconds later, with a few expletives and an almost-shout of Zack's name, he did exactly what Zack had said.

Zack swallowed, caught his breath and suddenly became aware of just how hard he was right now. He resolved not to think about it. Cloud gave an insistent tug on his hair.

"Zack, get up here."

Zack moved up the bed and lay down beside him. Without hesitation, and to Zack's great surprise, Cloud reached down straight under the waistband of his sweatpants and took Zack in hand.

"Cloud, you don't– mmm– have to. Really. I'm… oh… that's–"

Ignoring Zack's protests, Cloud spat in his hand and continued. "I want to. Just let me."

Zack wasn't about to argue with that. Cloud touched him with a confidence Zack wouldn't have expected, and he only just had the presence of mind to grab a handful of tissues from by the bed to catch his release as he came over Cloud's hand with a satisfied moan of his name.

Cloud looked down at Zack's handful of tissues as he reached over and grabbed some to wipe his own hand. "That was very… organised? For want of a better word."

Zack shrugged. "You were already having trouble getting to sleep. Didn't want you to have to sleep in a wet patch."

"Huh. That's very thoughtful. Thanks."

"You're welcome." Zack threw the tissues onto the floor to deal with later. "This may be a weird question, but how did you know I'd be hard just now?"

"You said you enjoyed doing it. I figured you meant you enjoyed it… you know. Enjoyed it in a sexual way." Cloud finished wiping his fingers and reached across Zack to drop the tissues on the floor, bringing his injured arm to rest exhaustedly around Zack's shoulder.

"You didn't think I was only offering it because I'm some creep out for sexual gratification?"

"No, I just figured it was going to turn you on. And I was right," he said smugly, closing his eyes contentedly.

"Mmm. You were. I think you've got the hang of all of this."

Zack wrapped his arms around him. Just hugging a friend who's had a crappy evening. Just for a moment, then I'll go back to my own bed.

He listened to Cloud breathing for a few minutes and thought he'd fallen asleep, was actually about to drag himself out of Cloud's arms and into his own bed when–

"Zack?" he mumbled, sleepily.

"Yeah?" Zack whispered back.

"I don't think I have the words to describe how good that felt."

Zack half-breathed, half-laughed, and ran his hand gently over the back of Cloud's head. "Good. Now go to sleep."

At that moment Zack decided he must already be asleep and dreaming, because Cloud leaned closer on the pillow and kissed him, which was definitely not a thing he'd do in real life.

Zack kissed him back and figured if he was already asleep, he might as well stay in Cloud's bed. He tugged him a little closer and listened to him breathe.

Chapter Text

Zack awoke feeling disorientated. Something was… off. He opened one eye. Squinted. Saw his own bed, which was odd, because he was looking at it and therefore clearly not in it. Which meant he must be–

Oh. Memories of the previous night came flooding back. Cloud, injured by Sephiroth and then sleepless. Zack, suggesting a blow job as the answer to that particular problem. And then Cloud, jerking him off and… kissing him? That couldn't be right. Definitely not.

Zack opened his other eye and leaned over the edge of the bed. Well, the clumps of tissues on the floor were consistent with somebody jerking off, so that part seemed accurate at least.

But the kiss? Nah, that definitely seemed like something Zack had imagined, on the edge of sleep.

Speaking of the edge, he was going to fall out of bed if he didn't move a bit further onto the mattress. He shuffled towards Cloud and immediately regretted it. Hadn't he intended to move to his own bed? He shouldn't be moving further into Cloud's space.

As he moved across he became aware of several things: that he didn't really have a space to move into, that there was a weight on his chest (Cloud's head), and another on his thigh (Cloud's knee). Evidently the problem here was that Cloud had pushed him over onto the edge of the bed in an attempt to… snuggle?

Zack definitely wasn't about to complain about this turn of events, but it was a lot to think about for a man who was only, at most, half-awake.

Cloud stirred, and Zack held his breath, hoping that if he was quiet enough and still enough then Cloud might not notice him, an imposter, there in his bed.

His hopes were in vain. "Zack? What're you doing here?" slurred Cloud, sleepily.

"Sorry, I meant to go back to my own bed but I guess I just… fell asleep."

"Huh." There was a flash of blue as Cloud half-opened his eyes, just for a moment, before settling back down. "Mmm. S'okay." And then he burrowed his head down further on Zack's chest and seemed to fall fast asleep again.

Zack lay still for a few minutes, trying and failing to work out what was going on here. But the longer he lay there the more confused he was and the more he needed to pee, until eventually he decided he'd have to get up. He extricated himself from Cloud's grip and slid out from under the sheets, averting his eyes quickly when he couldn't help but notice that Cloud was wearing nothing but one of Zack's t-shirts, his underwear dropped on the floor as yet more evidence of the previous night's antics.

Cloud frowned in his sleep and wriggled. Zack covered him up back up and watched his face relax as he wrapped his arms around the pillow with a contented little sigh.

Zack reluctantly tore his gaze away and headed for the shower.

*

"Sephiroth. I need to talk to you."

After their usual breakfast in the room, Zack had taken a look at Cloud's injured arm. It looked to be healing well, so he'd put another bandage over it for now before they headed out together to the manor. Zack was determined to find out what was going on with Sephiroth. After Sephiroth's actions yesterday, he couldn't put it off any longer.

Sephiroth didn't even look up when Zack approached. "I'm busy. I've asked you– told you, multiple times– to leave me alone."

"Yeah, I know that, but it's been days now and you honestly don't look so good."

It was true. Sephiroth was starting to look decidedly pale, and the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced by the day.

"You're starting to annoy me, Fair. Get out of here or I will make you."

Zack took a deep breath and stood his ground. "No. Sephiroth, I'm worried about you. You hurt Cloud, just because he brought you cold coffee? That's not like you. I feel like there's something really wrong. Angeal wouldn't want me to leave you alone right now. Please. Just talk to me."

"Angeal is dead. You know that better than anyone, don't you? What he would want is hardly of any importance any more. I'm busy. Leave me. Don't make me ask you again."

"If you're busy, let me help you. That's what I was sent here for, right? To support you on the mission?"

Sephiroth sneered. "Look around at what I'm doing, Zack. How, exactly, do you think you can help me? Summarise some scientific papers, maybe? Perhaps take notes on the findings of some of these company reports?" He finally turned around to face Zack and looked him squarely in the eyes, pupils more catlike than Zack remembered. "Zack, let me be clear. You're here to provide extra muscle and nothing more– because that's all you're really any good for. What I'm doing here is way beyond your abilities." His eyes narrowed even more and his lips twisted into a smirk. "Everyone knows you can't even read."

Zack gasped before he had a chance to stop himself. It was like a punch to the gut. No, way worse. Sephiroth could've run Zack right through with his sword and it wouldn't have hurt so much.

Zack wanted to answer, but anything he said would have felt like trying to justify something he just couldn't. It was true, and he had no excuse. So he turned and walked away, ignoring the smirk on Sephiroth's face, before he could make himself look any more stupid than Sephiroth obviously already knew he was.

Cloud was waiting outside, his head tilted curiously. "Everything okay? What did he say?"

His usual bright-eyed enthusiasm grated on Zack. Zack nudged him out of the way and walked past. "Nothing much. Let's just leave him alone. Look, buddy– I have to make some phone calls. Why don't you go spend the day at your mom's, or go talk to Tifa?"

Cloud followed him. "Zack, about that. I've been meaning to say–"

Zack cut him off, trying to hide his impatience. "Listen– not now, okay? I have to work, and I'll get on better if you just stay out of my hair. There's nothing I need you to do, so just go do what you gotta do. I'll catch up with you later."

Zack walked out of the manor, squinting and rubbing his eyes in the bright light outside. He headed briskly down the path to town without looking back, leaving Cloud behind.

*

Zack went back to the inn and locked himself in the room, but once he got there he realised he didn't actually know what to do.

He tried to think about what he knew, but it wasn't much. He did some squats to help himself focus. He was upset, yes, but he tried to put that aside for now, because it was so clear that something was wrong with Sephiroth. His casual cruelty was so out of character. But what, exactly was the problem? The other day he'd said things about his mother, and Jenova, and professor Gast, so Zack could surmise that maybe that was what he was researching. But even if it was, none of that shed any light on the situation. There was no chance of Zack being privy to information that even Sephiroth didn't know.

He could feel the niggling beginnings of a headache.

He'd told Cloud he had phone calls to make just to get rid of him. But now he thought about it, making some calls seemed like a good idea. Whatever was going on seemed to be way beyond what he could deal with alone. Was it something to do with Genesis and Angeal? Or something completely different? Would anyone even tell him anyway?

Calling Tseng might be a good idea. Turks always knew what was going on (although they didn't always share it) and unlike SOLDIERs, they were trained as much for thinking as they were for combat. Though actually getting to speak to Tseng might be a long shot– most of the time he was too busy to pick up his phone. Worth a try, though. If nothing else he could leave a message and Tseng would get back to him if he had anything worth saying.

When Tseng answered almost immediately Zack was too shocked to be coherent. “Oh, Tseng, hi, I, um…”

“Zack!  What’s happening out there?  We expected you all back by now.”

“Listen, Sephiroth’s acting really weird.  I don’t know what to do.  Can you come over here?  Or send someone to help me out? I'm worried that things are going downhill fast, and I don't know how to handle this."

There was a pause before Tseng responded, his voice low as if he was worried about being overheard. “I would if I could, but I can’t, Zack. I’m kind of in the middle of something, and I don’t have anyone to spare to help you out right now.  Just– work it out.”

“Just work it out?  Look, Tseng, something’s not right here.  It’s starting to kinda scare me, honestly.”

There was silence at the other end of the line.  

“Tseng?”

His voice was low and furtive.  “Listen, Zack, you’re not supposed to know this, but Shinra are already sending some people.  They’ll be there in another day or two.”

“But Shinra already sent– us?  Two SOLDIER firsts! If two firsts can't deal with something, nobody else is gonna stand a chance. So who are they sending now?  And why?  We dealt with the monster problem already.  Sephiroth is what I’m worried about.”

“They’re sending a platoon of infantrymen, I believe.  But also some big shots from the science division. Professor Hojo, and–”

“That Hojo guy?  Why?  Tseng, c’mon, man, you have to help me out here. Gimme something to work with.”

“That’s really all I know.   I don’t know any more than you do about what’s going on, but there’s definitely something up, and honestly? It doesn't feel good.  I really hope I'm wrong, but… I suspect you're right to feel concerned. Trust your gut feelings and be careful.  Watch your back."

“Tseng. I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”

There was another pause. “Nor do I, Zack.  If I know more, I’d tell you.  I've told you all I know.  I'm sorry it's nothing concrete. I’m keeping my ear to the ground, and I’ll call you if I hear anything else, okay?  But other than that, you’re on your own. Be careful." There was a sound in the background. "I have to go.” The line went dead.

*

Zack didn't know what else to do. For want of a better idea, he went for a walk outside town and took down a few monsters just to burn off some tension, but it didn't seem to help. He headed back to the inn to clean up and was dismayed to find Cloud sitting in their room.

Not wanting to talk, Zack grabbed some clean clothes and went straight towards the bathroom. "Hey. I just came back to take a shower."

"I wondered where you were. I'm going back home in a few minutes but my mom said to ask you if you wanted to join us for dinner again."

"I think I'll pass. I've got a ton of reports to write, so I could do with a quiet evening alone. Stay out as late as you like. Don't worry about waking me when you get back. Sleep over at your mom's, if you like."

Cloud narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Are you sure?"

Zack pasted on a grin and dropped into a reassuring series of squats. "Absolutely. I've got so much to do, I'll be busy til late. 'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Cloud frowned. "Tomorrow? Oh. Well, sure. Okay." Cloud waited for a moment and when Zack didn't say anything else he stood up and headed towards the door. Zack didn't look at him. As it closed behind him Zack let one final squat take him right down to the floor. He sat with his head on his knees and wondered what the hell he was going to do to fix everything that was wrong.

*

Cloud ignored Zack's instruction to stay out for the night. It wasn't even dark when he came back to the room, opening the door softly and walking in like he wasn't sure he was wanted.

He'd walked in on Zack just sitting at the table; thinking, maybe even panicking a bit if he was honest with himself. "I wasn't expecting you back so early."

Cloud pulled out the chair opposite him and sat down. He chewed nervously on a fingernail for a moment before he said, "I was worried about you, Zack. You've been acting strange all day." Cloud looked at the table. "You're not writing reports."

"Oh, well, that's… that's because I already finished. It didn't take me as long as I thought."

Cloud looked up at him. "You already finished? So… can I read them?"

"No. They're classified. They get sent directly to Lazard."

"Lazard? Isn't he missing right now?"

Zack fought back the urge to clench his fists in frustration. "Then I guess they get sent directly to whoever the fuck is in charge around here now," Zack snapped. "I don't actually know. But I can't let you read them, so don't ask."

Zack knew he was being an asshole. Reluctantly he looked up at Cloud, expecting to see anger or hurt in his face, but all he saw was that all too familiar, blue-eyed concern.

Cloud reached out a hand as though he was going to take Zack's, then thought better of it and pulled it back. "Zack. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"That's not true. You're upset."

"Am not. I'm fine. Ignore me. I'm just in a bad mood. I'm tired, I'm worried about what's going on with Sephiroth, and I had a weird conversation with Tseng earlier."

Cloud nodded slowly. "Zack. I already knew you were worried. You're basically always worried about something, but this isn't how you normally act when you're worried. Something's got you upset. You keep saying we're friends. So you should tell me what's wrong." Cloud said it more with hope than with conviction, but it worked. Zack stopped to think.

It was true. He was upset. And he hated being vulnerable, but spending the day alone and thinking about things hadn't made things any better. Maybe he needed to talk about this. There wasn't really anything Cloud could do to help, or any advice he could give, but maybe that wasn't what Zack needed anyway. Maybe just having someone to listen would make things feel just the smallest bit better. He took a deep breath.

"Okay. There's something I sort of want to talk about, but it's something I don't really tell people. But I figure… we've talked about a lot of things, maybe some things you don't usually talk about? Like the other day, when you told me you'd never kissed anyone before, that must've been something you don't normally tell people, right?"

"I mean… yeah? It was pretty embarrassing. I've never told anyone else that. But… I didn't mind telling you?" He looked at Zack and nodded encouragingly. "It was okay."

Zack stood up and paced for a moment before settling by the window. He took another deep breath and looked out of the window, not wanting to see Cloud's face when he found out what a loser Zack really was. That he couldn't do a basic life skill even as well as a little kid. "Right. So I can probably tell you this? So. Um. The thing is, I can't really read and write well. Not well at all, actually."

Silence. He waited a moment then snuck a look at Cloud, who looked a bit confused, but that was all. He wasn't laughing at Zack, at least. "Oh. How come?"

Zack had expected disbelief, or awkward laughter, or Don't be silly, Zack, I'm sure it's not that bad, everyone can read, it's not hard. Not this quiet acceptance and gentle curiosity. He shrugged. "I'm not sure. A few things, I guess? There wasn't much school back in Gongaga, and when I went there, which wasn't much, I didn't like it. But mostly I just always found it really difficult. We didn't have books and stuff at home when I was a kid. When I joined SOLDIER, Angeal tried to teach me. He never stopped trying to teach me, actually, but I just can't do it. He said that I needed to keep trying, but that he thought it was something I'd never be able to do easily, that there was something going on in my head that just couldn't make sense of it."

Cloud just nodded thoughtfully.

"So you… you don't think this is weird?"

Cloud shrugged. "Not really. A lot of people in Nibelheim don't read and write, or they only have the basics. You know, just about enough to get by. I guess it's the same where you come from. There's not much of a school, and a lot of folks don't have much need of it. But I can see that it'd make life hard when you moved to Midgar. How bad is it for you?"

"It's… honestly, it's bad. But it could be worse! I mean, I can read the stuff I need to. Slowly, at least. If you send me a message I can read it, though it probably takes me longer than it'd take most people. Like… when you're reading something, I think you're supposed to just sort of see the words and then hear them in your head? Just as fast as if you were hearing someone say them? Is that how it is for you?"

Cloud thought about it. "I don't really know how to explain it, but yeah, I guess it's kind of like that."

"Well, I don't just see the words and hear them in my head, I have to really think about it all the time, if that makes sense? Some words I know, but a lot of the time I have to look at all the letters and work out what a word says."

Cloud was leaning forward on the table and looking at Zack as he spoke, but rather than feeling scrutinised Zack found himself weirdly comfortable talking about this.

"So what about writing? That must be really difficult."

"Oh. My handwriting is awful, and my spelling is even worse."

"So how do you write your mission reports? I thought there was a lot of paperwork in SOLDIER."

"There's ways around a lot of it. You know- typing things is a bit easier, though it's slow, and even spell checkers don't make things great. And yeah, I have to write mission reports, but… well, mostly Angeal used to just do them for me. I asked him if it was cheating, but he said there was no honour in pointless paperwork anyway so it didn't matter who did it. And then when you make First you can just dictate the reports and send them in to a secretary to get them typed up. You just have to check and sign them. Angeal used to help me read through and check them, said that was good reading practice. But since he's gone I just assume they're okay, sign them off and send them back. Kunsel knows about it, so he helps me out a bit sometimes, but I don't like to lean on him too much, you know?"

Cloud nodded. "So were you really writing reports tonight? Do you need me to help you out?"

Well, there wasn't much point lying about things now. Zack shook his head. "I was just sitting here, thinking about things and feeling sorry for myself."

"Why is this bothering you today, anyway?"

"Sephiroth brought it up. I'm really worried, because he's Sephiroth. He's kind of scary, but he's not usually mean, and that was a reeeeeeally low blow. He knew it'd hurt me, and that's why he did it. And even worse, he knows how to hurt me because Angeal trusted him enough to tell him those things. I know Angeal would never have told him if he'd thought for a second that Sephiroth might use it against me."

"Yeah, that does sound weird. But I don't know what we can do about him. I know he's kind of a… friend, of yours? But he's still Sephiroth."

That was exactly the problem. "I think… I think in the morning I'm going to have to go back and talk to him again. Properly. Whether he likes it or not. Even if he threatens to forcibly remove me from the room again."

"If he attacks you, can you beat him?" asked Cloud, practical as always. "Because I'm not going to be any help whatsoever if you end up fighting Sephiroth."

"Could I beat him?" Zack took some time to think about it. "Probably not. But I can hold my own for a while, I think. I hope it won't come to that. I don't think he'd start a fight with me, as such. He might throw me across the room out of his way, something like that. I don't really know. I'll just have to be careful."

Cloud's face brightened as he remembered something. "Oh, I almost forgot. Do you want to know the real reason why I came back here so early?"

"Uh, sure?"

"My mom wants you to come over for dessert. She made Apfelstrudel. It takes a lot of time to make the pastry from scratch, and she wouldn't have gone to all that trouble just for me, honestly. I think she's kinda mad that I didn't bring you over tonight. I told her I'd try to persuade you to come for dessert."

Zack was feeling much better now. He could eat dessert. "Well, I don't want to disappoint your mom. And honestly? I'm starving. I was too miserable even to eat dinner. Do you think she'll let me have a double portion?"

"Probably not, since you haven't had any dinner. She'll say you're not allowed to have a double helping of dessert when you've had no vegetables."

Zack sagged in his seat. "Aw. That sucks."

Cloud smiled, and nudged Zack under the table with his foot. "I'm kidding. She loves you. If she thinks you need feeding, she'll probably give you my share too."

Zack leapt up triumphantly. "Oh yeah! I told you before– moms love me. Let's go."

*

They stayed at Cloud's house until it got late, and immediately got ready for bed when they got back to the inn.

Cloud used the bathroom first then sat on the edge of his bed as Zack paced the room, brushing his teeth with one hand whilst using the other to look for a clean shirt in among the piles of clothes he'd left on the floor.

"So, are you going to teachme how to give a blow job?"

Zack nearly choked on his toothpaste. He ducked into the bathroom and spat it out. "I– Cloud, you don't have to do that. I know I said I would, but I never intended to hold you to that."

"But you said I could. I did intend to hold you to that."

Nobody with even the smallest amount of common sense would turn down that offer. Zack was starting to get a little bit hard just from the mention of it. He looked at Cloud, trying to work out whether he was just being polite, but he seemed completely genuine.

Well. Zack could give him some pointers and see if he changed his mind when push came to shove.

"Okay. If you're sure you want to do this, here's some tips."

Cloud nodded eagerly.

"One: suck, don't blow. Two: no teeth."

Cloud looked unimpressed. "That has to be common sense, surely?"

"You might think so, but you'd be surprised how many don't know it. Three: pay attention."

"I am!" exclaimed Cloud, indignant.

"No, I mean pay attention to what's going on. A lot of guys will give you some warning before they come, but you can deduce a lot from the noises he's making, the things he's saying, what he's doing with his hands. Stuff like that." Zack paced for a moment then stood by the window, doing squats, while he thought.

"Three and a half, because it's related to three: communicate. If you don't want the other guy to come in your mouth then you can, and probably should, tell him that. I mean– it's polite for him not to, unless he knows you're okay with that, but not everybody is particularly polite and some guys will just assume you don't mind it if you don't tell them otherwise. Also, don't forget that when you're getting blown it can be kind of hard to think straight, and not everything you do is completely voluntary: so sometimes you might need to tell him to slow down or stop. But you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. That goes for anything to do with sex, honestly. If he has a problem with that, don't blow him. He's not worth it."

Zack halted abruptly, briefly struck by what weird advice this was to give to a straight guy. Still– Cloud seemed interested, and a bit of advice about consent would be useful regardless of who he ended up sleeping with.

So he continued. "On the same note, you can spit if you don't want to swallow. It's fine, though you have to think about where you're gonna do it. Oh and if he tells you he's going to come and you're not finishing him with your mouth, get your face well away. You do not want to get come in your eyes. Well, maybe you do, and it's fine if you're into that, but that's a whole other conversation to have. Personally, I wouldn't recommend it and it's definitely something you don't want to happen when you're not expecting it.

"Four: use your hand. You know how to give a hand job, so, you know, a bit of that." Zack made the appropriate gesture and Cloud nodded.

"Five: your gag reflex is your best friend. It's your body's way of telling you do not put that thing any further into your throat, and it exists for a good reason. It's going to step in and tell you you're going too deep and if you don't listen to it you're going to choke a bit at best and vomit at worst, and there's nothing less sexy than that."

Cloud looked vaguely nauseated at the thought. "Has that happened to you?"

"No, and it's not going to happen today either. Speaking of which– there are things you can do to work on your gag reflex so you can take it deeper. Today is not the day for that. If you want to do this, then today you take it easy, do what feels right, see how you go. I'll tell you when I'm getting close, and you can pull off and finish me with your hand, if you like. There's no prize for swallowing come, and it's not going to offend me in the slightest if you don't want to do it. If you do want to suck me til the end, bear in mind that even if you're expecting it, it's still gonna take you kinda by surprise. You ever tasted it before?"

"You know I haven't. I've never done any of this before."

"You could've had a taste of your own."

"Well, I haven't."

Zack shrugged. "That's fine. So, it's warm, obviously, and sort of feels like it looks, and tastes… weird. Kind of salty but also… it's difficult to describe. I don't find it unpleasant, really, but… well, let's just say there's probably a reason nobody's ever invented spunk-flavoured ice cream."

Cloud smiled a bit at that, but mostly looked overwhelmed. "This is a lot to take in. I feel like I should've been writing notes."

"It'll be fine. Just remember point two and you can't go far wrong, honestly."

"No teeth. Got it. Let's do this." Cloud rolled his teeth between his lips and nodded. The sight of it sent another rush of blood straight to Zack's cock.

He stepped into Cloud's space and put an arm around his waist, pulling him in close and letting him feel his erection against his hip. "So… how do you want to do this? If you wanna be on your knees I can sit on the edge of the bed, or lean against the wall. But the angle can be weird, sort of depends how tall you are when you're kneeling…" The image of Cloud on his knees flashed into Zack's head. It was… a lot. He pushed it aside. "Or we could just take things to the bed, keep it simple."

"Yes. That. The bed. Let's do that."

Zack rolled his hips once, just because, and was gratified to hear Cloud let out a quiet oh. Zack let him go and went over to the edge of his bed, legs spread wide and leaning back on one hand, with a grin that was equal parts cheeky and inviting. "Come on, then. What are we waiting for?"

Cloud stood in front of him nervously. "Um. Do you want me to get straight on to that?" His eyes glanced down to the very obvious bulge in Zack's sweatpants. "Or can we kiss first?"

Something in Zack's chest did a little flip at that. "Oh we absolutely, definitely can kiss first. There's no rush. Come here." Zack took Cloud's hand and pulled him onto his lap. Cloud put his knees either side of Zack's hips and cupped his face between his hands before leaning down to kiss him deeply.

He was getting good at this. Zack would never have guessed he'd had his first kiss only a couple of days ago. Having him up there, where Zack had to tilt his head back to kiss him, was really hot. It wasn't often Zack kissed anyone who was taller than him, but he could definitely get used to this. And he was hard, so hard against Zack's stomach. But as he reached a hand between them to touch, Cloud stopped.

"Everything okay?" Zack asked, breathlessly.

"Yeah. I want to– can you–" he started to undo Zack's pants and move them down around his hips, along with his underwear. Zack, always happy to oblige, raised his hips off the mattress to make space for his clothes to slide off. When they got down to his knees he kicked them off and onto the floor.

And now Cloud really did look pretty nervous.

Zack had seen enough dicks to know that has was on the bigger size, though definitely not huge enough to inspire terror.

However.

This was probably nothing to do with size at all. Just the idea of putting someone's dick in your mouth was sort of a lot to take in when you'd never done it before.

"Hey. If you've changed your mind, it's not a problem."

"No!" Cloud shook his head emphatically. "No, definitely not, I haven't, I just… not sure where to start."

Hmm. Zack wasn't sure what to say. Giving general tips had been okay, but there was no step-by-step guide to actually doing this. You kind of had to just, well, get on and do it.

"Just… do what feels right, I guess? There's no one right way." He looked at Cloud's face again, those blue eyes both full of apprehension yet sparkling with determination, and had an idea. "Would it be easier if I wasn't looking at you? I can close my eyes." Zack flopped back onto his pillow and felt the mattress shift as Cloud changed position. He felt a hand on his thigh. "Hey, and remember, you don't have to if–"

Zack's sentence was cut off by the wet heat of Cloud's mouth. He bit back a moan and glanced down to see blond spikes of hair flopped around Cloud's face, where his mouth was on Zack's cock and–

He closed his eyes again, because the sight of it was just too much.

It was inexpert, but it was warm and wet and sort of sloppy and Zack kind of liked that. A blow job's a blow job and at the end of the day it pretty much always feels great. Until–

Zack tensed and hissed, lifting his head off the pillow. "Careful with the teeth, Cloud."

Cloud pulled off. "Sorry. Sorry, did that hurt?"

Zack propped himself up to look at him. "Nah, doesn't hurt, It just gives you a tiny, scary jolt of adrenaline. It's an instinctive reaction. You're doing great. Feels really good."

He reached down and took Cloud's hand and wrapped his fingers around his cock. "Use that for what you can't reach with your mouth. Don't worry about taking it in deep."

Cloud nodded and took Zack back into his mouth. Zack collapsed happily back against the pillow again and let himself get lost in the sensations. For a straight guy, Cloud really was approaching this challenge with an impressive amount of gusto.

Zack's enhancements gave him an enviable amount of stamina in the bedroom. If he deliberately held off from coming he could go for a really long time, which had been a lot of fun on many occasions in the past.

But this wasn't the time for holding back. Since Cloud had never done this before, it wouldn't take long before his jaw would be aching, and probably his neck too from holding his head in an unusual position. Zack wasn't planning on making this last, although the focus required to keep his hips still, when he really wanted to fuck Cloud's mouth, was keeping him from getting there too fast.

In the interest of speeding things up, he raised his head back up to look at Cloud, and allowed himself the indulgence of playing with Cloud's hair. "Oh. You're doing so great, sweetheart. Feels so good. Keep doing it just like that. I'm getting close."

It was true, because the sight of Cloud with his lips and fingers wrapped around Zack's cock was insanely arousing. It would take a lot of effort on Zack's part to bring himself back down now. "Cloud. Baby. I'm gonna– do you want to stop? And just use your hand?"

Clearly he did not. He did a little shake of his head, so he'd definitely heard Zack, and he'd had fair warning about what to expect. So Zack let go and came with a cry so loud he almost shocked Cloud right off the bed.

Cloud sat up and swallowed and Zack had to make an effort not to laugh at the face he pulled.

"Sorry. I did warn you it's not the nicest taste." He brushed Cloud's hair back from his face with his fingers.

"I don't hate it. It's…" Zack watched him as he swallowed again. "Hmm. Like you said. It's just sort of weird."

Zack sat up.

"Get back up here."

"Huh?"

"Just do it, Cloud."

As soon as Cloud was back up on his lap, Zack kissed his neck and pushed his clothes just far enough out of the way to reach his cock, and took him in hand with confident strokes.

It didn't take long at all before Cloud threw his head back and moaned as he spilled over Zack's fingers. He dropped his head onto Zack's shoulder and laughed while Zack wiped his hand on a tissue.

"Did I do okay?"

It was Zack's turn to laugh. "Didn't you notice? Yeah, that was great. Really." Zack, dopey, twisted his fingers through Cloud's hair. "Wow. Now go brush your teeth."

"Who are you, my mom? I already did it."

"I know, but that was before you got a mouthful of my spunk."

"What if I like the taste?"

"The expression on your face said otherwise. And even if you don't mind the taste now, it's gonna be way worse stale in eight hours' time. So go brush your teeth. You can thank me later."

Cloud stood up with a reluctant huff and disappeared into the bathroom.

Zack pulled the covers over himself and settled back onto the pillow, relaxed and satisfied. He closed his eyes.

Cloud padded back into the room a few minutes later, and Zack opened his eyes sleepily to smile at him. Cloud looked at him and smiled back, and there was a moment of uncertainty when Zack wanted to turn back the covers and invite Cloud into his bed. But Cloud didn't even seem to be thinking about it. He got into his own bed with an exhausted yawn.

"Goodnight, Zack. That was fun." He leaned out of bed and turned out the lamp.

"Yeah, it really was."

And then. In a spectacular case of not-thinking-before-speaking, Zack said something phenomenally stupid.

"With the way things are going, I'm starting to think we should just go ahead and have sex."

As soon as he said it Zack knew it was was a gaffe fit for Cloud's list of Stupid Things Zack Said. He waited for him to say so.

And waited.

"I mean… we could? If you'd want to do that. It's not a terrible idea."

Not wanting to say anything else stupid, Zack thought for a long time before responding.

"I… listen. I know I said it, but actually, I sort of do think it's a terrible idea."

Cloud looked away. "Oh, well, yeah. Obviously. I didn't mean–"

Zack cut him off.

"No, no. I just meant… you gotta save something for yourself, Cloud."

Cloud didn't say anything, so Zack explained.

"Some time soon you're going to fall in love with someone, and they're going to love you back, and when that happens you're going to wish you still has something you could do something for the first time with them. You're going to think man, this person should've been my first, I wish I hadn't done all of this already, back when I was fooling around with my friend Zack. Trust me. You don't want to do anything you'll regret later."

Zack hoped that Cloud would get that, and take it at face value, and not dig any deeper. He should've known that was too much to ask. Cloud always, somehow, seemed to see right through him. "So… do you? Have regrets?"

And Zack knew that he could say he didn't want to talk about it. That would be okay. But at the same time, it felt mean. Cloud had been so open with him, after all. And it'd been so easy to talk to him about the reading thing. It'd been obvious he was sort of talking about himself, so obviously Cloud was going to have questions.

The gap between their beds felt like a reassuring separation in the dark, making it feel so much easier to talk.

"Okay. So. You've seen all of the posters and stuff, you know that SOLDIERs are supposed to be the best of the best and all that. We get invited to all sorts of Shinra corporate functions. You know, paraded around, showing off the pride of Shinra's military program and so on. You don't have to go, but it looks good if you show your face at some of them at least. It's mostly really boring stuff with really boring people, but the food's usually nice. A couple of years ago, when I was around your age, I found that when I went to these events I was very desirable to a certain type of slightly older woman.  Pretty ones who work for Shinra.  And men, sometimes, too. They liked the fact that I was young and they liked my body, which is, you know. It's part and parcel of the whole SOLDIER thing. I know it's nice, I'm not going to pretend it's not.  None of them wanted anything else, which was fine.  I learned a lot from them– and I mean, a lot.  But mostly, after a while, I felt sort of used.  I didn't mind it so much at the time, but after a while it started to feel kinda gross. I suppose it wasn't, not really. It's just sex, after all. It's not a big deal. But honestly… yeah, I guess I regret a lot of it.  I'd dated a bit, and messed around and done some stuff with people before all of this happened, but not… everything. So there were definitely some firsts that I feel like I should've done with someone who actually mattered to me.

"So I guess what I'm saying is… all of this has been a ton of fun, but imagine how great it'd feel with someone you really cared about. I don't wanna take that from you. Not that we don't care about each other– I care about you a lot, you're one of my best friends, and I don't know how I would've got through these past few days without you. But it's not the same as it will be for you when you fall in love with somebody."

Cloud didn't say anything for a long time. Zack wondered if he'd talked too much and bored him to sleep.

"Cloud? You awake?" he whispered, feeling pretty foolish for having said so much to someone who probably wasn't even listening.

"Sorry. I was just thinking. Zack– all of that stuff– how do you even know? When it's the right person? How're you supposed to know what that feels like, if you've never felt that way before?"

"When you're falling in love? I know it sounds like a cliche, but: you'll just know. Honestly, you will. Sometimes you don't realise it at first, but even if you don't, you'll get there in the end."

"Huh. Okay."

It felt incomplete, like Cloud was going to say more, but Zack waited and he didn't. So Zack, always terrible at sitting with silence, continued.

"I'm guessing you're thinking about Tifa, right? I mean... you like her? Sometimes it takes a while to figure out if it's something more. And you're never going to work it out unless you talk to her. You've really got to talk to her, Cloud. Give it a chance." Something about the words left an unpleasant taste in Zack's mouth, and he couldn't work out why.

Cloud yawned. "I dunno, Zack. I… I know I've been meaning to talk to her. I know I should. Things just feel so… complicated, right now."

"Sorry. I know I talk too much, I'm probably not helping things. I'll let you get some sleep. Good night, Cloud."

"Good night, Zack."

Zack lay in the dark, once again listening to Cloud breathe. It took him a long time to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Zack woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep, unable to stop turning last night's events over and over in his head.

He didn't know what to think. He'd done stuff with straight guys before. Guys who'd fuck anything young and with a pulse, or guys who weren't really into it but were down to try anything once. But Cloud sucked cock with a relish he'd never come across from anyone who was even pretending to be straight before. Nobody who wasn't at the very least questioning their sexuality behaved like that. Did they? And Zack wanted to ask, he did, but it wasn't his question, was it?

For Zack it had been easy. He'd been attracted to girls, sure. And then boys, and that was a little surprising at first but no big deal and definitely not a bad thing. More a case of huh, so that's how it's going to be, rather than agonising over am I or could I be or is this feeling what I think it is?

But he knew that for a lot of people, maybe even most people, it was a lot more complicated. He'd been in Nibelheim for less than a week but it was more than enough to get a feel for the place. People weren't so open about things here. He didn't know enough to know whether things like that were considered taboo here, but these people didn't feel like the sort to talk about sex the way people did back in Gongaga. Zack had grown up in a place where everything was hot and the people were loud and everyone was outdoors all the time, laughing and talking openly about pretty much everything, sex included.

Nibelheim wasn't like that. People here were quieter and kept more to themselves. Cloud himself was quiet (by Zack's standards at least), and easily embarrassed. So it seemed likely that even if his sexuality was something he might be thinking about, it might well be something he didn't want to talk about.

But dammit, Zack really wanted to know. And not just for curiosity's sake, for more… personal reasons too. It was becoming more and more difficult to deny it.

In the end he gave up on getting back to sleep. With a sigh he swung his legs out of bed and went for a shower.

*

"Can't you just cast magic to make him sleep?"

Cloud and Zack had been discussing how to deal with Sephiroth over breakfast. They were in agreement that he might be a lot better and less mean if he had some sleep, but they were unsure of how to make that happen.

Zack poured himself another cup of coffee and shook his head. "Nah, Sephiroth has wards for that sort of thing. You want more coffee?"

Cloud held up his still-full cup. "No, thanks. I'm feeling a bit off this morning, actually."

Now Cloud mentioned it, he did look a little off colour. "You should go back to bed. Get some more rest. It's been a tiring week, and I don't think there's anything you can do to help with Sephiroth. I think I need to talk to him alone. See if I can persuade him to come back here and rest up for a while."

"What about some herbs?  My mom knows all sorts of plants and stuff.  We could put something in his drink." 

"Cloud." Zack put his cup down with a clunk. "Are you suggesting we poison Sephiroth's coffee? The Sephiroth?"

"No!  Well, yeah.  Maybe just a little bit. It wouldn't really be poisoning him, if you think about it. Kind of the opposite, really."

Zack stood up and paced.  Thinking.  "I mean… he does need to sleep.  It would do him a world of good to be knocked out for a bit. But if he realised what we were doing, it'd be a disaster. Priority number one has to be not getting killed, after all. Let me go talk to him first. If that doesn't work, we'll try to put him to sleep."

*

Zack went to the manor deliberately empty-handed.

Sephiroth didn't look at him. "I thought you might have come to your senses and decided to leave me be. Well, since you're here just leave the coffee and go."

"I didn't bring any. Caffeine is the last thing you need right now. You need to come back to the inn and get some sleep."

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you. You're determined to make sure I don't find out the truth. Who put you up to this? Lazard? Tseng? Hojo? I could tell you things about that man that would make your skin crawl."

Zack scratched his head. "Yeah… well, he's a creepy guy for sure. Listen– nobody put me up to anything. I'm not trying to stop you from finding anything out. In fact, I have a lot of questions myself about what's been going on this past year or so. If you know anything, I'd love to hear it. But listen– Sephiroth, I don't care if you think I'm stupid. I'm not leaving til you talk to me. Properly talk to me."

Sephiroth turned to Zack and glared, eyes cat-like in the gloom of the library. He really didn't look at all well. "Oh, really? And how do you think that's going to work, exactly? How do you propose to make me talk to you? Or are you just going to stay here until you starve?" He shook his head as though Zack was beneath his notice. Then he pulled a document out of a pile in front of him and started pacing and muttering under his breath, ignoring Zack completely. "I know I'm close to a breakthrough. My mother…"

But Zack wasn't going to be put off. "I can't make you talk. I don't know what any of this stuff's about. Your mother? This is all to do with your mom? I don't get it."

Sephiroth looked at him, bitterness in his expression. "You don't get it because you have a family. You know who they are, and you grew up with them. You can't understand. So go, Zack. I've been very patient with you this morning. Don't make me ask again." Sephiroth's tone had turned menacing, but all he did was turn his back to Zack, deliberately, and start reading again.

So Zack talked to his back. "I may be dumb about a lot of things but I know a lot about family. Sephiroth, family doesn't have to be the people who gave birth to you. Yeah, I have a family. I love my parents and I know they love me, in their own way, but that's not enough to make someone a good parent. I left home when I was thirteen to join SOLDIER. No kid leaves home at thirteen to join an army unless they're from a crappy family. They just don't. In the six years since I left home I've only written once and I've never been back, not even once, so make of that what you will. It tells you everything you need to know about the family I grew up with."

Well, Sephiroth wasn't attacking him, or even threatening to attack him. Zack had no way of knowing whether he was listening, but he kept talking.

"When I joined Shinra, Angeal picked me out nearly straight away. I may have been young, but I was tall for thirteen– I mean, I was one of the few kids who enlisted who was used to having three good meals every day, so I stood out. Angeal must've told you some of the stuff he saw, training up new recruits. A lot of the kids who join up are scrawny and underfed, you know? I didn't come from a great situation, but there were a lot who came from worse. So many of the guys I enlisted with had these awful stories of being poor and hungry. Their families might've been nice– well, actually, some of them really, really weren't, but that's a whole other story– but what good's a nice family when they can't keep you fed and clothed? When you have to send a kid or two to join Shinra so they can send back money to buy food for the younger ones? And I'm not saying this to minimise your situation– because, yeah, it must suck not knowing your family. I can't even imagine that. I just mean that the family you're born into isn't everything."

Sephiroth said nothing. Zack couldn't even tell if he was listening, but he continued anyway.

"You were right about the reading thing. I can't do it much. At first I tried to hide the fact that I couldn't really read, but Angeal soon saw through that. He tried to encourage me, and teach me, but it never stuck. Angeal… man, he tried so hard to teach me, and because he cared so much I tried really hard to learn. We tried all sorts of things. Angeal was infinitely patient, but I just couldn't do it. So I guess if you think that makes me useless, or stupid, or whatever, I'll just have to accept that that's how you see me.

"Angeal may not have succeeded in teaching me to read, but he taught me everything else I needed to know. Some of it was fighting and so on, but that's not what was important. When I'd not long enlisted, the first thing I really struggled with was the boots. Angeal taught me about wearing boots and how to tie my laces. I'd hardly ever bothered to wear shoes back home. It wasn't that we were too poor for it, I mean, I had shoes, it's just that there wasn't much need for 'em. So I could tie knots, everyone in Gongaga can tie knots, but I'd never tied bootlaces and I definitely wasn't used to wearing boots all day long.

"I was thirteen, basically a gross, sweaty, just-about-teenage kid, and Angeal taught me about the necessity of showering after training and the importance of deodorant. So… yeah. That was fun."

Zack couldn't see Sephiroth's face but he could see the book he was reading and he hadn't turned any pages for a while, which meant he was probably still listening. Zack carried on talking.

"When I was a bit older Angeal taught me how to shave. Said he knew it should've been my dad showing me, but he wasn't there and Angeal was. He pierced my ear for me, too. He walked in on me one day, while I was holding a needle in a lighter flame. Knew right away what I wanted to do. I thought he was going to tell me not to do it, but of course he didn't, he just sighed and said wait there a moment, Zack, I'll go wash my hands. When he came back he sat down in a chair opposite and said let me do it for you, it's much easier to do a good job than if you do it yourself. Now where do you want it? You just want the one for now? Then he grinned and said I'm not sure you're physically capable of sitting still for the time it'll take to pierce your ear. Which made me panic, because I thought that meant it was going to take ages and hurt a lot. And he said a couple of seconds, hold still… and then it was done." Zack twisted the earring in his fingers. "And he did do a good job, never had any problems with it. Probably because he nagged me all the time about keeping it clean. I never bothered to get any more. He was gonna do a tattoo for me but we never got round to that. I've thought about getting one done since then but I just can't seem to go through with it, knowing it should've been Angeal doing it."

"When I first started seeing girls, he gave me the talk about condoms and, you know. All that stuff. Just like with the shaving, he said he knew it should probably be my dad having that talk with me, but again– he wasn't around and Angeal was, so it might as well be him. And I thought nothing could be more embarrassing, until I started seeing boys. Then he gave me a talk about lube. I don't know how he knew so much about it, because he really was the straightest guy you could ever imagine. I was mortified but he didn't care at all. Just said Zack, you may not want to hear this from me but it's better you hear it from someone. And, sorry if this is too much information, but he was right. I was really grateful for that knowledge when the time came to need it.

"The first time I got my heart broken he sat with me while I cried and just let me wallow in it all. And you know what he said? He said Zack, you're a lot to take, sometimes, and not everyone is going to like that. So you have two choices. You can try to change yourself, and be someone more… palatable. More easy to be around, but less yourself. Or you can just be yourself and wait to find someone who will love you for all of the messiness. You can probably guess what I'd recommend, but if you choose the other path I'll still be here for you and I won't judge you. That wasn't easy to hear, but it was advice I needed, because, well. He was right.

"The first time I killed someone, he sat with me all night long. Said he remembered how hard it was. Said that if I decided this life wasn't for me, he'd find a way to get me out of it. I don't know if he could have, really. I mean, you can't just leave SOLDIER. By that time I was in way too deep and he knew it. But he said he'd get me out if that's what I wanted, and that meant a lot to me.

"He tried to keep me out of all the Shinra bullshit stuff that happened, all that stupid stuff I did. He knew that I was sleeping with older women, and older guys, and it was all fun to me but it creeped him out. He tried to stop me, but at the time I didn't feel taken advantage of and, like I said, it was all good fun. Until it wasn't. And when I did start to regret it, he never said I told you so. He just said that everyone did stupid things when they were young– although i have no idea what stupid things he ever did himself. I never asked. Probably should've. But I did promise him that from then on I'd only sleep with people my own age or people I cared about, preferably both. That was a… weird conversation, to put it mildly. Probably even weirder than the lube one, honestly." Zack wiped his eyes. "Fuck. He put up with so much of my shit. Still don't know why he bothered. There was nothing in it for him. All I ever did was get myself into trouble."

Zack took a deep breath and took a moment to calm down, fearful that if he didn't, he'd break down and sob. "Angeal was my family, and I know he was your family too, and not a day goes by that I don't miss him." He wiped his eyes again and looked at Sephiroth.

Sephiroth still hadn't turned the page. As Zack watched, he saw a single wet drop fall, and sit there for a moment before soaking into the paper. Zack put a hand on Sephiroth's shoulder.

"I understand why it matters to you, and why you want to know where you came from. That's okay, and if there's anything I can do to help I will. But don't forget– there's so much more to family than who gave birth to you. I'm not Angeal, but I know he'd want me to be here for you. I can't help with the documents and stuff, I know that, and I'm sorry, but… just talk to me. Please talk to me."

Sephiroth didn't say anything, but nor did he shrug away from Zack's hand on his shoulder, and Zack took all of that as a good sign. He waited.

Sephiroth didn't turn to face Zack, but he did, eventually, speak.

"I knew your story. Parts of it. Perhaps even most of it. There was a time when Genesis and I were good friends to Angeal, and you were one of the most important things in his life, so of course he talked about you. Talked about you in the way anyone might talk about a brother, or a son. Angeal would've loved a family and a couple of kids. He would've been a great parent. But then you already know that better than anyone.

"He liked working with the new cadets. Genesis and I always thought it was crazy, the time and energy he spent on it. It takes a particular sort of person to work with adolescents, particularly when many of them are somewhat… troubled. Not many SOLDIERs wanted to do it, so Angeal ended up doing a lot of that. I remember when you came along.

"He said there was this child– and you were a child, don't argue– who he was worried about. Very young to be a cadet. He said he didn't think you'd make it. Too much energy, too independent. He wanted to send you back to your parents, but that wasn't his decision to make and besides, he figured out right away what you said to me: if a child of thirteen has left his family behind, they've probably not come from a good situation. So he pulled you out of basic infantry training and brought you straight in to SOLDIER, which wasn't the way it was usually done. You'd have come to us soon enough anyway, no doubt. Even then, he didn't think SOLDIER was a good option in general– he was the first of us to really have doubts– but it was the best option for you, at the time. It was something you wanted to do and would be good at, and a way for Angeal to keep a close eye on you. He actually wanted to send you for officer training, originally, but then he got you to do the practice exam and it was... well, that's when he found out about the reading issue. He wasn't entirely surprised– we all know education is very hit or miss out in the countryside– but it was clear that your difficulties weren't just a matter of not having had access to good schooling."

Zack remembered that all too well. "Yeah, I knew I flunked all those practice tests he gave me. He never said anything though."

"He always was very kind. Well, you were much too smart to be a good infantryman, but you'd never have made officer without being able to read well. So that brought us circling back around to SOLDIER. Angeal knew you'd have been unfulfilled and probably have gotten into a lot of trouble left in the infantry. Taking you directly under his wing was the best course of action.

"And you were good. Really good. You were eager to train and do better and you tolerated the physical enhancements very well. Angeal said you'd make first by the time you turned seventeen. We told him it couldn't be done, not by someone who wasn't born to it, but you did it. And you liked it, and the other SOLDIERs liked you.

"I can tell you who told him about gay sex, because I was there when they discussed it. It was Genesis, obviously. You probably suspected that already." He chuckled at the memory. "If Angeal was the straightest guy ever, Genesis must surely be the gayest. One day Angeal said Genesis, remember when you were young and innocent? What do you wish you'd known about gay sex? And you know how Genesis was, he started out all flirty and said oh, Angeal, darling, have I finally convinced you to come over to the other side? But then he was serious, and he put down his copy of Loveless and he and Angeal had a very surreal, detailed conversation with Angeal asking questions and Genesis giving these thoughtful, genuine responses and recommendations for the best lube brands. He offered to talk to you himself, but Angeal said he'd rather do it."

Sephiroth looked at Zack then, really looked at him, and his face crumpled. He shook his head. "It always struck me as odd, just how much you look like him. Sometimes when I look at you, all I can see is him, and it hurts so much."

Zack pulled him into his arms.

*

It felt like an embarrassing amount of crying for two grown men to indulge in. They avoided meeting each other's eyes as Zack blew his nose and Sephiroth wiped his eyes.

Zack thought about it. It shouldn't matter. It didn't matter. This was a horrible situation. It wasn't the first time he'd cried over Angeal's death, and he was pretty sure it wouldn't be the last, and he wasn't going to be ashamed of it. "Man. I hate it when I cry, but that felt really good, right?"

Sephiroth laughed gently. "You're not wrong. It does feel better." He sniffled and wiped his nose.

"Is that an actual handkerchief? How old are you? Even Angeal didn't use handkerchiefs, and he was super old-fashioned about most stuff."

"A gift from Genesis. He said that a gentleman should always carry a silk handkerchief. Said it added a timeless elegance to one's demeanour."

"Okay, well, I didn't understand any of that."

"Don't worry. I'm not convinced it makes any sense. But that's true of a lot of what Genesis says, so…" he shrugged.

Sephiroth looked around at the mess of books and papers scattered all around him and sighed. "I suppose I should…"

But he didn't seem to know quite what it was that he should do. Well, Zack could help there. He knew exactly what Sephiroth needed to do right now, and it had nothing to do with a bunch of old Shinra reports.

"Hey, so, we're invited for dinner at Cloud's house this evening. You said you wanted to know about your mother? Well, Cloud's mom says she knew her. You should talk to her, but you should sleep first. Maybe take a shower, too. Will you come back to the inn?"

Sephiroth took a shaky breath and cast his gaze around the library one more time. Zack thought he was going to refuse, but he looked at Zack with a new resolve and half a smile. "Okay. That could be interesting. Let's go."

*

That evening there were three of them heading over the village square to go to Cloud's house for dinner.

“Come in, come in!”  Claudia smiled.  “I don’t often get so many guests for dinner.”  She grabbed Cloud, kissed his cheek and tousled his hair.  “Before I forget– do you have enough underwear left?  I can do some more laundry for you if–”

“Mom, no!  I’m fine.”

Zack considered asking if she'd mind doing his laundry but decided better of it.

“Sit down, everyone, sit down.  Zack, it's lovely to see you again.  And you–" she turned to Sephiroth with a smile– "Well, I know who you are.  Perhaps even better than you do yourself, from what I've been told.  Sit down, Sephiroth.  Over there. Goodness, you're tall. Mind your head on that beam. Can I get you something to drink?  Wine?”

“Oh, that would be lovely.  Thank you.”

“It’s wonderful to see you again after so many years.  All grown up.  Look at you.  Do you know, when I saw you last you weren’t even walking.”

Sephiroth tilted his head quizzically. “Excuse me?”

Claudia busied herself pouring drinks. “You know that you were born here, in Nibelheim?”

“Yes, I do now, but I only found out very recently and… nobody really told me anything about my parents.”

“Well, that’s terrible. A child should know where they came from." She handed him a wine glass and sat down opposite Sephiroth.  "But I can tell you a little, at least. I remember your mother, Sephiroth.  

He sat up, eyes wide. “You… you do?  You knew Jenova?”

“Jenova?  That ugly old thing they keep up at the reactor?  How could that be your mother?  Silly boy.  No, your mother was a scientist.  Lucrecia, her name was.  She was very pretty.  We used to see her all the time down in the village when she was pregnant.  Back then the scientists used to come down to the village to use the shops and the bar, things like that.  I was just a little girl at the time, maybe five or six.  She loved children.  Used to come down here, hands on her bump, ready to pop.  But then, well, things took a tragic  turn.  We heard that she had her baby but died giving birth.  It was a few days later that one of the scientists brought the baby down to the village.  The head scientist, believe it or not, had been trying to feed the baby mako out of a bottle, but he wasn’t doing well on it.  Mako, I ask you.  As if a baby could eat that!" She shook her head in disbelief.

"My sister was just a few months old at the time, and my mother had plenty of milk.  So she offered to nurse the baby, and that’s what she did."

Sephiroth frowned. “That doesn’t sound like something I would do.”

Claudia laughed. “It's what babies do, Steve.  It's just human nature."

Zack looked at Cloud and Sephiroth. They both looked as confused as he felt.

"Um, Mrs Strife, I think you must be confusing Sephiroth with someone else."

"No, no. That’s what we all called him." She turned back to Sephiroth.  "The Shinra people wouldn’t tell us your name.  They just called you baby S.  So we had to give you a name, because we had to call you something. A baby needs a name. I don't know where Steve came from. Probably one of the children suggested it. Anyway- in the village you were baby Steve."

Zack looked at Sephiroth and snorted in an attempt not to laugh at the thought of anyone calling Sephiroth baby Steve. Sephiroth scowled at him before turning his attention back to Claudia.

"Um… excuse me?”

“Baby Steve.  That’s what we called you.”  She turned to Cloud.  “Like I told you the other night: my mother nursed him, so he’s basically my milk brother.  That makes him sort of your uncle Steve.”

“Mom, no. Sephiroth is not my uncle Steve.”

Claudia was nonplussed. "Uncle Sephiroth, then, if you prefer."

Cloud dropped his head onto the table. "Please, ground, swallow me up now. I just want to die."

Zack bounced restlessly on the edge of his chair, looking positively delighted at this development.

Claudia turned back to Sephiroth. "How did you now know who your mother was? Have you not seen your birth certificate?"

"I don't have one. Professor Hojo told me I didn't have a birth certificate. He said it's not necessary, and besides, do I look like a man who has the time to organise birth certificates for every lab specimen? What next, birth certificates for the rabbits and the mice? He seemed to think that was very funny, but I… didn't, not so much."

Claudia squeezed his arm. "Hojo? I remember him, too. He wasn't a nice man. We were afraid of him, all of us children. There was something wrong about him."

Sephiroth nodded slowly. "I was afraid of him too. He… raised me, for want of a better term."

Claudia smiled sadly, as though she didn't like that thought. “I didn't finish telling you about your mother, did I? Well. It would've probably been a year or so later that Lucrecia came back, looking for you.  We couldn't believe our eyes– I thought she was a ghost at first and ran screaming to my mother.  Lucrecia looked terrible.  She said she’d been searching for you, that Shinra had taken her baby, that her husband had taken you from her. She was inconsolable, but nobody here could help. The scientists had all gone by then and taken you with them."

"Her husband? She was married? My mother was married to who?"

"I don't know. Another one of the scientists working here, I believe."

"Hmm. Another dead end, maybe."

"Or maybe not. They likely got married here. There'll be a marriage certificate filed in the town hall, I should think. We can go there in the morning."

*

After they'd eaten they walked back to the inn without saying much. Claudia's revelations had given them all a lot to think about.

When they returned to the inn and were about to enter their respective rooms, Zack took Sephiroth by the arm. "So… are you okay?"

Sephiroth stopped by the door and smiled. "It's a lot to think about, but I think I am okay. Sort of. I'm better than I was. I think I was starting to lose it for a while, up in that mansion. I still feel something… tugging at me. I don't know how to explain it. But it's not as bad after the distractions of the evening. There are a lot of things I wish I hadn't read. No, that's not true. I'm glad I read them, but I wish they weren't true. Can I ask you something?"

Zack nodded. "Sure."

"When you got your enhancements done… how much do you know about what it actually was that they did, and what they used?"

Zack shrugged. "A ton of mako, I think. They don't exactly tell you much, you know? They gave me a lot of stuff to sign, but I didn't exactly read it."

Sephiroth sighed and nodded. "Right. You'd better come in. I need to tell you some things that I strongly suspect apply to you."

Zack glanced at Cloud and Sephiroth tracked his gaze. "Oh, yes. You, too. We're going to need your help with things and you need to know what we're up against."

He unlocked his door. "Go ahead, sit down. I have a lot of things to explain."

*

"So are we agreed?" Sephiroth looked up from the notes he'd been making on a scrap of paper.

Zack sighed. "I don't like it, but I think we have to do it. I can't see another way. I don't know who we can trust with this, so I think it's best if we just destroy it all, and fast." He looked at Cloud with concern. "Are you sure things'll be okay here in town?"

Cloud nodded. "The reactor is old and temperamental. People are used to losing power in the winter, so they have oil generators as backup. And the houses here were built long before the reactor, so they're equipped for life without mako power. People still have fireplaces, and they'll have wood stored ready for the winter in case the power goes out. It'll be a nuisance, but people will adapt. Better to have to rely on other forms of energy for a while than to have Shinra keeping its monsters so nearby. I can't claim to speak for the townspeople, but I think that if destroying the reactor stops even one kid from being taken by monsters, that's a price people would be willing to pay."

Sephiroth nodded along. "So we're decided. We destroy it all in the morning. Cloud, you'll be our guide up the mountain. Zack, equip your strongest materia. We leave after breakfast." He stood up to walk them out.

Sephiroth smiled, cat-like, as he closed the door. "Now go. Get some sleep. Tomorrow, we burn things."

*

Zack unlocked the door to their room. "And speaking of tomorrow: tomorrow you have to talk to Tifa. Cloud, you have to. What's stopping you?"

Cloud shrugged miserably. "I don't know, okay? I don't want to talk about it."

Zack wanted to talk about it himself, actually. Well, maybe not about Tifa as such, but about Cloud and what he might be interested in and his own chaotic feelings.

He tried to say Cloud, can we talk? But what actually came out of his mouth was Do you want to fuck me? which was not the same thing at all, and showed what can happen when you've had such a stupendously awful week and everything is messed up and you let your dick take control of your mouth rather than using your brain like you're supposed to.

Cloud, despite everything they'd done that week, looked shocked. Zack expected him to say something along the lines of there you go again, Zack, saying something truly idiotic. But he didn't. He flushed pink and started saying, "Zack, I…"

So Zack didn't give him the chance. He backtracked as best he could. "Sorry, I meant– I actually thought we should–"

But Cloud interrupted. "Yes. I mean, if you want to. But you said, before, that we shouldn't…"

Probably true. Oh, but Zack really, really did want to. He was scared and confused and had a horrible feeling they might all die in the morning. Tonight he wanted to feel alive and in–

Not thinking about that. No way. He wasn't in anything. Just… confused and afraid, that's all. He was just looking for a fun way to forget all of the problems he had right now.

"Oh. Right. Well, maybe yesterday that was just me saying something stupid, again. Probably. And honestly, you know, it's not the same as doing it with a girl anyway. Most girls won't wanna do it like that. So." He nodded, trying to convince the both of them, and the part of his brain that was screaming talk to him first, Zack, you have to talk to him, receded into nothing as he took Cloud in his arms and kissed him.

They found themselves shuffling towards Zack's bed as they kissed.

As they started to sit down Zack had a thought that was, for a chance, important and sensible. "Wait, wait. Before we– okay, there's things we need if we want to do this." Zack had learned the hard way about the consequences of throwing sex stuff in the bottom of his bag, having had to upend it and throw all of his clothes out when he needed it in a hurry on more than one occasion in the past. He kept his lube and condoms in a zipped side pocket for fast access. He grabbed his bag, found what he needed and dropped them on the nightstand before Cloud had even had a chance to get comfortable.

Cloud was staring at the stuff on the nightstand, looking distinctly nervous now. Zack sat down next to him and took his hand. "Hey. You sure about this? Remember what I told you yesterday? You can always say no, or change your mind. I might be going back on some of the other stuff I said, but that one always holds true. Always."

"I remember. But I'm sure. Definitely sure." Cloud nodded, and Zack detected no doubt in his words or in the gesture, so he kissed him again and pulled him down onto the bed.

And things just… happened. Zack didn't offer hints and Cloud didn't ask for reassurance as he started to take Zack's clothes off. Cloud pulled Zack's shirt over his head, then undid his pants, and Zack was more than happy to cooperate by wriggling out of them. By the time they were both stripped down to their underwear, Zack was breathless and giddy with desire for more.

He checked in with Cloud again. "Still okay? Still want to do this?"

Cloud nodded again and kissed him, impatiently. Zack reached down and started to take his underwear off. "Okay, just… lemme take these off, then I can get myself ready. Oh. Wait, I can't reach…" Something wasn't right. "Hang on. I need to sit up for a moment." Zack's boxers had got stuck around one foot. He sat up, freed his foot from his tangled underwear, and took the opportunity to grab the lube.

Cloud looked like he was trying not to laugh.

Zack grinned. "Go ahead, laugh at my misfortune. If anybody told you that sex was going to be elegant, they were lying. There's usually a lot of awkwardness and silliness and mess involved, so you'd better make your peace with that. Don't worry though, it's all good fun. And speaking of mess…" he squirted lube onto his fingers before lying back down beside Cloud.

Zack kissed Cloud some more, as he started to work himself open with his fingers. it'd been a while since he did this, and while he didn't want to wait, he also didn't want to condemn himself to soreness in the morning.

After a while he stopped to add a bit more lube, but Cloud grabbed his wrist as he reached for the bottle.

"Can I do it?"

Damn, it was hard to refuse those blue eyes. "Yeah, soon. Patience, sweetheart. Give me a bit more time."

"No, I mean, can I try, um– the fingers."

That wasn't something Zack had expected. He tried to hide his surprise. "Oh. Yeah. Sure."

Zack squirted some more lube into the palm of his hand. Cloud watched, mouth open, Zack's hand slick and wet. "Gimme your hand." Zack took hold of Cloud's wrist in one hand and used the other to spread lube from his own hand over Cloud's fingers, and found himself exhaling shakily. This was way sexier than it had any right to be.

"Okay. So. Um." Zack swallowed. "Have you ever done this to yourself?" Cloud shook his head. That was a shame, both because it was a pretty hot thought and because it would've made this simpler. "Right. Firstly, lots of lube. Use however much you think you need, then add a bit more for good measure. I'm already pretty wet with it, and I've been using two of my own fingers, so I'm getting sort of loosened up. So there's no need to go slow or anything. Just…" He folded some of Cloud's fingers away into his palm. "Go ahead with these."

Cloud nodded stupidly.

"Cool. Okay." Zack thought for a moment then flopped down onto his back, so he could see Cloud, and moved his legs as much out of the way as was possible.

Cloud put a hand on the inside of his thigh, and that in itself was a lot, but then, without hesitation, he slid two fingers inside Zack and started to move them. His eyes widened. "Zack, I… you… is this okay?"

Now it was Zack's turn to nod dumbly as he resisted the urge to hide his face in the pillow.

"You sure? You seem… a bit weird."

Zack laughed. "Yeah. Not gonna lie, this bit always makes me feel a bit vulnerable. For obvious reasons. We're good, though. Keep going."

"Really? You? Vulnerable?"

It was true– though it didn't usually bother him this much. Zack felt weirdly self-conscious, way more than usual in this sort of situation. Wasn't sure whether to try to be quiet, or tell Cloud what to do, or what. Why was he finding it so hard to be normal? Hadn't he been telling Cloud– teaching him– to go with the flow and just do what felt right? And here he was, stuck in his own head, unable to just relax and enjoy himself.

"Can we talk about this later? I promise I'll tell you if anything's wrong."

"Oh. Sure. Sorry."

Zack closed his eyes and focused on breathing slowly and it didn't take long at all before things settled in to a very pleasant rhythm. Zack let himself sink in to the feeling and enjoy it for a while before making a request.

"Cloud? Can you do this with your fingers?"

Zack gestured with a curl of his own fingers. Cloud copied him and– "Oh. Fuck. Yes. More. Keep doing that. Cloud, that's… " Good. Really good. But Zack was getting beyond the point of words, so he just let out a moan instead.

Before long, Zack's impatience got the better of him. "Okay, Cloud, stop. That'll be enough." He panted. "You know how to put a condom on?"

He should do. Shinra didn't give their young troopers a lot of education, but they were nothing if not pragmatic: they made a solid effort to teach them how not to get girls pregnant, in the knowledge that a lot of young men with babies would leave the military to go raise a family instead.

Cloud nodded, so Zack handed it to him and left him to it while he grabbed a pillow and positioned it under his hips. "If you're going to sleep with a girl, you'll probably want to start out with missonary, so let's go for that. Though it doesn't quite work the same with a guy– things aren't in the same place, you know? The angles are a bit off. You might need to mess around with pillows and stuff to get it to work easily, which you don't with a girl. I still think it's the best place to start, though. It's nice 'cause you can see them, and good for easy kissing access and everything. Although," he frowned, "I'm not sure that's gonna work with our height difference."

Cloud rolled on the condom with a hiss of sensitivity, before smiling at Zack. "Do you always talk this much during foreplay?"

It was the closest Cloud had ever come to cheeking him. It made Zack really, really want to kiss him again. "No, I'm just… let's do this, okay?"

He didn't have to ask twice. Cloud moved into position and Zack took his cock in his hand to spread on some more lube and line it up. Cloud's mouth fell open, and Zack nodded. "Just go for it."

Cloud did, tentative at first, pushing in agonisingly slowly until he was fully inside Zack. He let out a long, shuddery breath and held very still.

Zack stroked a hand over his hip. "Um… Cloud? You know you're supposed to move, right?"

"Can't," said Cloud, through gritted teeth. "It's… so much, Zack. If I move now, this'll be over right away."

"Oh. Okay, well, take your time. I'm good here, so… you know. Whenever you're ready."

Cloud breathed slowly and deliberately for what felt like forever before finally starting to move.

Zack was desperate to be touched. He put a hand into the gap between them, on his own cock and started to stroke. Cloud swatted his hand away. "Let me do that."

Concentrating on jerking Zack off seemed to distract Cloud nicely, because things lasted way longer than Zack had expected. Zack rolled his hips up to meet Cloud's thrusts and that made Cloud moan delightfully. Zack took Cloud's hips in his hands and moved him slightly, getting him at just the angle he wanted to make everything even better. "Can you keep doing it exactly like that?" Cloud nodded and did as Zack said. Zack thought, briefly, about how he had been an excellent student right from the start, but was soon distracted again. "Mmm. Yes, Cloud, so good, don't stop."

Cloud didn't stop, but eventually his hand on Zack became erratic as he moved his hips faster and– "Zack, I'm…"

Zack didn't need to hear the rest of the sentence. He took Cloud's hips in his hands again and guided his thrusts, hard and deep, until Cloud shuddered and cried out Zack's name.

He collapsed his weight onto Zack. Zack would have given him a moment to recover, despite the fact that he was so close and so desperate for release, but Cloud had other ideas. He propped himself back up slightly and took Zack in his hand. It took almost no time before Zack was coming in messy spurts between their chests.

Cloud was still panting. He ran a hand through Zack's sweaty hair and smiled. "That was… Zack. I'm not sure what to say. Is it supposed to feel that good?"

Zack laughed breathlessly. "I don't know what it felt like for you, but yeah. It's supposed to feel pretty good."

"And, um, did it? For you, too, I mean? Was it okay?"

Zack pulled his head down and kissed him lightly. "Better than okay, for me. Wow. It was really good, sweetheart."

"What's with that? With the sweetheart?"

"Does it bother you?"

"No, I just… "

"It's nothing deep. It just felt right, that's all."

Cloud looked like he was secretly happy about it. He leaned down and kissed Zack again.

Zack wanted to stay like this forever. But reality was calling. "You need to pull out. But hold the condom on while you do it, otherwise it'll slip off and there'll be a ton of mess."

*

Cloud lay with an arm across Zack's back, tracing patterns with his fingers and giving Zack the shivers.

That's when Zack realised that somewhere along the way, something had gone horribly wrong.

He'd known he had a stupid crush, known that since the day he'd met Cloud, and it had never been a big deal because Zack had stupid crushes all the time. On boys, on girls… it wasn't usually a problem.

But there was no longer any denying it: that wasn't what this was, not any more. At some point in the past few days he'd fallen in love with his best friend, who was lying naked in his bed after they'd just spent the night doing something that had definitely, against all his better instincts, meant way more to Zack than it had to Cloud.

Cloud, who was a straight guy and who had a thing for a girl, a girl who just happened to be very attractive and who Cloud had known since they were kids. Zack didn't stand a chance.

Zack banged his head against the pillow. Idiot.

Cloud looked at him in amusement. "What was that for?"

Since Zack's realisation had pulled him thoroughly out of his contented stupor, it seemed like as good a time as any to ask him. "I know I've done this before, but… can I ask you something that might seem kind of personal? And you don't have to answer, but… but I'd like it if you would."

"Zack, we're both naked and I'm not sure anything's really personal any more after what we just did."

"Okay, well it's just… it's about the… the stuff we've been doing. Because honestly you seemed really into it, sort of more than I expected, and I… I know sex is fun, and great, that's kind of the point, and we've talked about how you feel about Tifa and everything, but… has it occured to you that you might be bisexual?" It sounded like a question. Zack had framed it as a question and voiced it like a question but it wasn't, not really. Really it was a plea, just pretending to be a question. Please tell me I'm not imagining this thing between us. Tell me it's not just me. Please tell me there's a chance you might… that this could, maybe, be something more.

Cloud had gone very still. He said nothing for a long time. Zack tried to wait, but patience was never his strong point and eventually he had to say something. "Cloud? Have I upset you?" He reached out a hand to touch Cloud but changed his mind and pulled it away at the last moment. He tried not to sound like he was pleading. "Talk to me."

"Please, Zack, can we not talk about this? I'm really sorry, I am, but I just… I can't talk about this right now. I know I should, I owe it to you, but I… I can't."

Zack felt kind of torn, honestly. A part of him thought you know what? An honest answer of some sort isn't too much to ask for. But a bigger part could see that Cloud was obviously genuine– not just deflecting, but upset about this. Which could mean he regretted what they'd been doing. But it could also mean he was trying to work through some confusing stuff in his head.

Zack sighed, in a way that he hoped was understanding. "Oh. That's okay."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Mad at you? No, Cloud, of course not. Why would I be mad at you? I said it's okay and I meant it. You don't owe me anything, Cloud. If you want to talk about things, you know where to find me."

Cloud nodded, tight and small. "I really am sorry. I know I should probably talk to you, but it's not that easy, and I…"

"Aw, no, it's fine. Cloud, it's fine," Zack soothed. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." He decided to give Cloud a way out.

"You want a quick rinse in the shower? I was gonna take one before bed, but you can use it first if you like?"

Cloud looked relieved. "Huh. I probably should."

"You go first."

The bed was cold without him. In different circumstances Zack would have joined him in the shower. Or at the very least, he would've watched him walk to the bathroom. But Zack was a gentleman, and Cloud was his friend. He averted his eyes and sunk back onto the pillow.

Though he tried to stay awake, Zack fell asleep listening to the shower running.

Chapter Text

They were woken by an insistent pounding on the door. Zack caught on first and managed to utter a groggy hello?

A familiar voice called through the door. "It's me. Sephiroth. Are you up? I know you've spent the last week lazing around doing nothing but I'm back in charge now and we have a busy day ahead of us. The town hall opens in twenty minutes, and after that we have things to burn. Remember?"

Zack was trying to work out what time it was. "Huh? Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll be right there."

"We need to discuss things. Shouting through the door is a bit undignified, shall I just come in?"

Cloud had clearly woken up, because Zack heard him whisper no no no no no as he hid himself under the covers. Zack leapt out of bed and started frantically searching for some clothes, any clothes, to throw on. "No, really, Sephiroth, hang on, I'll just be one moment…" Zack ducked down under the table to grab what appeared to be his pants, but ended up hitting his head with a resounding thunk. "Oh, shit. Ow."

"What's that banging? What's going on in there? I know you were having sex last night, the walls here are extremely thin and my hearing is– regrettably in this case– superb. You'd better not be doing it again while I'm talking to you."

Zack heard a despairing whine come from the bundle of blankets that contained Cloud, but ignored it for now in favour of dealing with the more pressing issue that was Sephiroth. "What the hell, man? Of course we're not. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just…" he pulled a t-shirt over his head and opened the door. "Good morning. I trust you slept well?"

Sephiroth strode past him without acknowledging him, and stood by the window looking out.

"I did, thank you, once it was finally quiet. I'm sure you slept well, after those… shenanigans." He scrunched up his nose in distaste. "How do you put up with the smell in here?"

"The smell?"

"You can't smell it? It's… mostly hair gel. A lot of hair gel. But also teenage boys– you know, sweat and testosterone– and sex."

"Dunno what you're talking about, man. But we had the window open all night. Must be a smell that wafted in from outside." Zack was still in the doorway, hoping that if he got Sephiroth back out fast enough then maybe he wouldn't notice the human-sized blanket pile in the very rumpled bed, or the other bed that clearly hadn't been slept in. Which was…

Wait.

The last thing Zack remembered was getting really sleepy while Cloud was in the shower. Which meant that Cloud must have got into bed with Zack. Of his own accord, and because he… wanted to?

There was a lot to unpack there. But Sephiroth was standing right there, and Zack's priority was to get him out of the room, so he headed for the door.

"You wanna go get some breakfast? I'm ready now. Starving, in fact. C'mon, let's go."

"What do you mean, you're ready? You're not ready. You don't have any socks or shoes on, for one thing. Besides, I already ate. I've been up for hours. Come here, sit down. We need to discuss strategy." Sephiroth sat himself down at the table.

Zack was back in the room, looking for his boots. "Oh, I figured we'd just take our strongest fire materia and go wild, you know? Not exactly much discussion needed."

Sephiroth shook his head solemnly. "That's not a plan. This is why you're not in charge. We need to come up with an actual plan."

"Yes, yeah, totally…" Zack hopped on one leg, trying to put his second boot on. "So let's talk over breakfast. Come on, let's go. I think I'll pass out if I don't get some sugar soon. If you've been up for hours I guess you'll want another cup of coffee by now, right?"

He tripped on Cloud's helmet and would have fallen flat on his face if Sephiroth hadn't grabbed him by his collar. "Thanks, man."

Sephiroth looked pointedly in the direction of Cloud, still hiding under the covers. "Breakfast it is, then. Obviously, um, anyone else would be welcome to join us if they wished. Let's go." He examined Zack more closely. "Did you want to change into some better fitting pants, first? Unless this is a new fashion I'm not aware of?"

Zack looked down at himself. The sweatpants he'd grabbed were, on closer inspection, definitely Cloud's. He weighed up his options and decided that, in the interest of getting out of the room fast, the best idea was just to go with it. "Yeah, this is how all the kids wear their pants now." He resisted the urge to tug the crotch down to make a bit more room.

Sephiroth smirked knowingly and flicked his eyes to Cloud again. "Come on, then. Let's go get you caffeinated. Not that you really seem to need it."

Sephiroth went ahead as they descended the staircase. Feeling a weird instinct to defend Cloud from potential embarrassment Zack said, "Phew. My hamstrings have been so tight. Thank goodness Cloud helped me stretch out last night. That's probably what you heard when you though we were having sex."

"Oh, really? Cloud, so good… but he was… stretching your hamstrings? Well, at least we can both agree that he had you flat on your back."

"Yup. Exactly. Flat on my back, 'cause of the stretching."

"Huh. Well, that's a relief." Sephiroth looked serious as they headed for a table in the inn's restaurant area. "You need to be careful, Zack."

Zack sagged down into a seat with a sigh of defeat. "I know. He's probably going to break my heart, isn't he?"

"He is? Oh, no, that's not what I meant. I meant that you outrank him by a long way, and there's potential for abuse of power. It would definitely be best if Shinra didn't know– though, of course, as long as he was just helping you stretch, that's fine. So it's a good job that's all you were doing."

"Shinra finding out is the least of my worries. I mean… what are they gonna do? Send me to horny jail?"

"No, they could send you to actual jail. You know, court martial you for sexual misconduct and send you to military jail. It's unlikely that they would, but if the company were ever looking for an excuse to get rid of you, then that would be an easy win for them."

Zack scratched his head nervously. "Huh. I did not know that."

"It's in the employee manual. Did you not read– oh. Sorry."

Zack smiled sheepishly. "Don't apologise. Angeal would have been tearing his hair out, wouldn't he? He would've said Zack, you may not have read the policy but common sense should've told you."

"Well, maybe. But common sense and affairs of the heart rarely go together. And if you're worried he's going to break your heart, it sounds like you're already in pretty deep. With the stretching, I mean."

"I… I just like him, you know? And common sense should tell me not to fool around with straight guys, that it's only going to end with someone– me– getting hurt, but…" Zack dumped such a huge quantity of sugar in his coffee cup that Sephiroth visibly winced. "…I dunno."

"Why would you think he's straight? I mean– well, I know I shouldn't stereotype, but– Zack, have you seen him? With your actual eyes?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know he's pretty. He's basically the twinkiest twink you could ever wish for. Apart from the fact that he's all hung up on Tifa– you know, the girl who guided us to the reactor."

"Yes, I know who Tifa is. Well, if you say so. I'm not seeing it myself, but I suppose you know what you're talking about. Speaking from experience, though, I feel compelled to warn you that falling for a straight man is a recipe for getting hurt. Even more so if there's a friendship you want to preserve."

It felt sort of like an invitation to ask, so Zack did. "You're talking about Angeal, right?"

Sephiroth sighed. "Yes. Of course. Though it's not something I usually talk about. There's really not much to be said on the matter, all things considered."

Zack knew when he was being shut down. "Right. Sorry I brought it up."

"No, it's fine. That particular aspect of my friendship with Angeal was over and done with a long time ago."

"Did he know how you felt? Did you ever tell him?"

"Oh yes, we talked about it. All of the complicated mess that it was. Angeal loved us both– Genesis and myself– deeply, but platonically. Like friends and brothers. Genesis loved both of us in the way you love a lover. I loved them both romantically but not… sexually. Clearly this arrangement could never have been anything other than disastrous. Angeal hated that he cared about us both so much but couldn't reciprocate our feelings. I hated that I didn't want Genesis in the way he wanted me. We gave it a shot, Genesis and I, we tried to make it work, but… there are things that he wanted to do that simply don't interest me." Sephiroth must have seen Zack about to interrupt because he held up a hand. "I don't mean weird kinky stuff. Just… sex generally doesn't interest me. And when you're doing those sorts of things that you don't really want to do, just to make the other person happy… well, I don't think you can save that."

"Shit."

The corners of Sephiroth's mouth almost quirked into a smile. "Shit, indeed." He looked at Zack thoughtfully for a moment.

"What? Why're you looking at me like that?"

"You know, Zack, sometimes you seem very young. Which you are, of course, but… well. I know as well as anyone that this company has a way of cutting short your childhood. Sometimes it's easy to forget how young you are, and at other times there's no escaping the fact that you're– and don't be offended– scarcely more than a child. For a moment I thought this was one of those times when you're too young to understand. But I don't think it is. I think shit sums up the whole situation perfectly. I feel like no amount of life experience could give a person a more concise way of expressing the reality of the situation than shit."

"Mm, yeah, I can be surprisingly wise," said Zack earnestly, around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.

Sephiroth smiled indulgently. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far."

*

Claudia met them in the lobby of the inn and they all went to the town hall together. In such a small town there were only a handful of weddings each year and it took no time at all for the clerk to find the marriage certificate.

"Lucrecia Crescent– that was definitely your mother– and…" Claudia held out the certificate for Sephiroth to inspect.

"Hojo. That's… I'm not sure what to say."

Zack pulled a disgusted face. "Hojo? Professor Hojo? No way. This doesn't mean he has to be, right? He might've been married to your mom, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's your father. Not that I want to accuse your mom of getting knocked up out of wedlock, obviously. Not that there's anything wrong with it if she did! It's totally fine if she did. No judgement. But– Hojo? You don't exactly look much like him." Zack tilted his head to the side and scrutinised Sehiroth. "You don't look anything like him at all, actually." Claudia put a hand on his arm and he didn't need to look at her expression to know that the gesture meant calm down and probably also shut up.

Sephiroth seemed to be taking this in his stride. "It seems as likely an answer as any, though. If not him, who? Besides– if they were married when I was born then I believe that makes him legally my father."

"Yeah, but you don't care about that, right? You're looking for your blood father. Being married to your mother doesn't mean anything, especially given, you know. Your relationship with him. After everything he did to you." He turned to Claudia and asked, "Do you think he was Sephiroth's dad?"

Claudia thought about it before answering. "Well, to the best of my recollection he never behaved as though the baby– you– meant anything to him, but– and I'm sorry to speak ill of the man who might be your father, Sephiroth– he was a strange and unpleasant man at the best of times. If he was married to Lucrecia then that does make him the most likely candidate, but who can say for certain?" She put a hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Sephiroth. This doesn't really answer your question."

"That's alright. I know more than I did before. That's a good thing. Now." He folded the marriage certificate carefully and handed it back to the clerk. "If you'll excuse us, Mrs Strife? We have one last job to do up at the reactor before we can call our mission complete. I'd like to get up there and back before evening."

"Of course. Will you all come for dinner again tonight, before you go?"

"That would be wonderful. Zack, Cloud, let's go. Mrs Strife, we'll be back in time for dinner. I look forward to it."

*

Once they got well past the village on the way to the reactor Cloud took his helmet off. Sephiroth strode off ahead of them so it seemed like a good opportunity for Zack to ask something that had been bothering him all week. "I've been holding off on asking about this, because I knew you didn't want to talk about it, but I have to say something– well, ask something, really. Why don't you want anyone in town to know who you are?"

"Oh, you know." He shrugged. "Just because I feel like an idiot, and I don't want people to know what a huge loser I am."

Zack didn't really know what reason he'd expected Cloud to give, but it wasn't that. "What?! I don't get it. What d'you mean, a huge loser? Who's gonna think that? What people?"

"All of the people. Everyone in town. Tifa." Cloud looked away. "You."

"Me? What do you mean? Why would I think you're a huge loser? We're friends, right?"

"I don't know how to explain it, but I'm not exactly popular around here. You'd probably have seen it for yourself if I'd taken my helmet off in town."

Now that he thought about it, Zack felt like he did sort of know that. Cloud had implied before that he didn't really have friends in his hometown, but Zack hadn't thought it was a big deal.

Zack bumped his shoulder affectionately. "I don't know why not, and I don't care anyway. I don't think you're a loser. Actually I think you're pretty great, and I'm a good judge of character."

Cloud didn't look up, and Zack couldn't tell whether he was avoiding looking at him or just concentrating on where he was putting his feet on the stony ground. Eventually he spoke. "It's mostly because of something that happened years ago. There was an accident, and Tifa got hurt, and I ended up being blamed for it. So if you talk to people in town about me, that's what they'll tell you. So… yeah."

"And this accident… was it your fault?" asked Zack, gently.

Cloud took a deep breath in and out. "No, not at all. And the other kids knew that, but they let me take the blame and wouldn't say what'd really happened. We weren't friends even before that, and we definitely weren't friends after. So I was kind of… hostile to people, I suppose. Aggressive, even– I was pretty stupid, I used to pick fights with the other kids, sometimes. And when I left to join Shinra, I made a big deal of how I wasn't going to be like those other boys moving to Midgar. I made out like I thought I was better than them, because I was going to join SOLDIER and be the best of the best. So of course now I haven't done that, now I'm just another grunt with a rifle, I'll look like a huge loser when people find out. Or they'll say well, we always knew he wouldn't amount to much. And it'll be shameful for my mom, too. So that's why nobody here can know this–" he held up his helmet and gestured to his infantry uniform– "is me. Bet you're not so sure I'm not a loser now, huh?" He finally looked up at Zack, a defensive glare in his gaze as though daring Zack to disagree.

Suddenly Tifa's messages about a blond SOLDIER guy made a lot more sense. She was asking about Cloud, wondering if Zack knew him, wanted to know if he'd made it. It also strongly suggested that she was into Cloud, otherwise why would she be asking about him?

"I'm still pretty sure. But you're gonna talk to Tifa, right? I bet if you ask her not to, she won't tell anyone else that you were here. Not that you should be embarrassed, by the way. You protected her up at the reactor the other day, for one thing."

"Zack, I got myself shot up at the reactor the other day. Tifa practically had to carry me back down to the village. It wasn't exactly a heroic moment."

"Yeah, but you got shot protecting her! Bet she thinks you're awesome. And I can talk you up, if you like. Or you could borrow some of my spare uniform stuff, and pretend you're in SOLDIER if you want. That'd give them all something to talk about."

Cloud shook his head vehemently. "No way. Thanks for the offer, but… no. As much as I'd love to see the looks on everyone's faces, I'm not going to lie and pretend to be something I'm not."

Zack grinned. "That's cool. I didn't think you'd want to, but the offer's there. You'd look good in the uniform. Not that you don't look good in this uniform! And I do think you should tell people it's you. Tell them how well you're doing, and the cool places you've been and things you've done. Hey- I could tell them you were gonna join SOLDIER but I talked you out of it, so you changed your mind. Speaking of which- please tell me you're not still considering it, after everything Sephiroth said yesterday?"

"I already told you, Zack. I can't apply again, even if I did want to, after the reaction I had to the mako." He stopped for a moment, and sounded reluctant when he continued. "And… it wasn't just that. There's something I did, as well."

"What d'you mean?"

"After the mako incident put paid to any dreams I had of being in SOLDIER, I was feeling sort of down." Cloud paused, and for a moment Zack thought he wasn't going to continue. Eventually he shook his head and carried on. "No, that's not it, sort of down is a huge understatement– I was feeling really, really low. I couldn't see a way things could get better. The one thing I'd dreamed about doing, and told everyone I was determined to do, was no longer an option. And I was stuck in a strange city where everything was so different to back home, and I didn't have any friends yet. I kept thinking about… well, you can probably guess."

"I'm guessing but I'm not liking the answer I'm coming up with."

"That's the right answer then. I told you- I wasn't in a good place. So I was feeling really bad, and instead of doing something stupid, I made an appointment with a doctor."

"Good. That's really good. Must've taken some courage, too."

"No, Zack, it wasn't good. It was a huge mistake. For one thing I was really nervous– I didn't have a lot of experience with going to the doctor's. We don't have one in Nibelheim, so you only send for a doctor from Cosmo Canyon if someone's really sick. Otherwise there's a healer, and my mom helps her out. They deliver babies and deal with minor stuff, but it's not the same as a doctor. So I was pretty scared. Anyway– I called the Shinra employee services helpdesk and set up an appointment and saw this doctor. I told her how I'd been feeling and the things I'd been thinking about and she sent me to this psychiatrist who sees infantrymen." He turned and looked at Zack. "This is way harder than telling you about how I'd never kissed anyone. I've never told anyone this story before."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, I do want to. It's fine. So. Turns out there's just the one psychiatrist who deals with the whole of Shinra's infantry. And he trained at the have some antidepressants and pull yourself together school of psychiatry. So I told him how I was feeling, how homesick I was– although I didn't want to actually go home, I just missed it and was finding it hard to adjust. And I told him how I'd been thinking about doing something to make it all go away. And what I got was a talk about pulling myself together, and a prescription for antidepressants, plus a strong implication that if I didn't pull myself together there was a good chance I'd find myself shot before too long. Then finally he said that it was for the best that I'd had this problem when I did, because there was no place in SOLDIER for that sort of mental weakness."

Zack was outraged on his Cloud's behalf. "What the fuck, Cloud. Fuck that guy. He should've discharged you from Shinra and sent you home to your mom. You were fourteen."

"Yeah, I know. Even now, that seems really young. When I read the information leaflet that came with the pills, it said they weren't licensed for use in children under sixteen. But they worked, I guess. Or maybe things just got easier as I settled in, I don't know. I got to know some of the guys in the regiment a bit better. I got sent on some more interesting missions, which was fun, although a part of me suspects that the plan was to send me places more dangerous than I could handle and get me killed off."

"I want to be mad about that, but I guess that's how you met me, right?"

Cloud finally smiled. "Yeah, so I guess things worked out. I got myself a friend, plus a reputation in the barracks for being a scrappy little thing who just won't die."

Zack stopped walking and turned to face Cloud. He needed to see him, to know he understood what Zack was saying. "Cloud. What that doctor said, about you being a bad fit for SOLDIER. All that mental weakness crap. I feel like you should know that that's not true. I know people in SOLDIER who've had some really tough times, mentally. Angeal, for one, though… things didn't end well for him. And I have a friend in SOLDIER who doesn't really go out on field missions any more. He got completely paralyzed by panic attacks the last few times he tried, so he stays in the office now and does all sorts of computer stuff and logistics. He found it difficult at first, thinking about everything he went through to get so strong all gone to waste. But then he said he realised it's not a waste, that he can plan and organise things in ways that only someone who's lived it can do. So I know it's not a case of mental weakness– whatever bullshit thing that's supposed to mean. Whoever told you that shouldn't be doing that job. Man, I've half a mind to find that guy and show him–"

Cloud cut him off. "Zack. That won't be necessary. Should he be doing that job? Probably not. But what else was he supposed to do? Sign me off on sick leave so I could sit around doing nothing for a while and feeling even more sorry for myself? Send me to someone to talk to? Shinra isn't set up for that sort of thing. And besides– things worked out okay, more or less." He grabbed Zack's arm and looked at him. "Please don't tell my mom."

"Oh, hey, no, of course not." Zack grabbed him and crushed him into a tight hug. "Thanks for telling me. You gotta promise me– if you ever feel like that again, even a little bit like that, you'll tell me."

Ahead of them, Sephiroth had paused. "Hurry up, you two. Stop messing around. This is neither the time nor the place."

Zack released him and they jogged to catch up.

*

Things were burning nicely. Sephiroth had started the fire in the area where the alien specimen was contained, and thanks to a pile of dry wood hauled in by Zack and Cloud it soon became a very cheerful little blaze indeed and they had to retreat to the outside of the reactor for safety's sake.

It was while they were there that the commotion happened. What they'd assumed from a distance to be some of the villagers drawn to the smoke turned out to be a group of Shinra troopers and their commanders, guided by Tifa. Zack thought he could hear a helicopter somewhere in the distance. This must be the reinforcements Tseng had said were on their way, although Zack was still none the wiser as to their purpose. Cloud slipped his helmet back onto his head and stood to attention.

As they drew close, the figure of professor Hojo became apparent. He split from the crowd and ran towards them, gesticulating wildly and shouting in consternation. "What is happening here? Why aren't you doing anything? This reactor is on fire!"

"Ah! Good morning, professor Hojo," said Sephiroth in his most professional tone. "We had indeed noticed that this reactor is on fire, and I assure you we're doing all we can. We've tried to enter the reactor but have been unable to do so due to the high temperatures and concentration of smoke inside. So we've regrouped here, and you've come upon us discussing strategy so that we can proceed in due course."

"Strategy? In due course? What are you talking about? Just do something, now! It looks to me like you were just standing around watching it burn."

Sephiroth managed to look affronted as he responded to the accusation. "I assure you, professor, that's not the case. This is a delicate situation and we don't want to make things worse by taking action with too much haste. You know how volatile mako can be."

Hojo turned to the troopers' commander. "You. Get some water up here. Get everyone on to it. Get in contact with Reno in the helicopter." He turned back to where Sephiroth appeared to be contentedly watching the flames. "And you. Do something! You must have some water magic. Use it!"`

Sephiroth turned to Zack. "Do you have anything that summons water?"

"Hmm, I don't think so. It's not something the monsters in this region are weak to, so I didn't pack anything. What about you, Sephiroth?"

Sephiroth started turning out his pockets. "Hmm, a blue one… purple… that's a green, what could that be…" He held it up to the light and gripped it in his fist. "Nope, that's just a gravity. We could try that? It might pull the reactor in on itself and stop the blaze, at least. Though the reactor would likely be completely destroyed… oh, what to do, what to do…" He shook his head theatrically before reaching into a different pocket, pulling out another handful of materia and a fifty gil note. "Oh, look, Zack, fifty gil. Don't know where that came from. And chewing gum! I really should clear out these pockets more often. Gum, Zack? Cloud? Tifa? Professor?" He offered the packet around the group.

Zack grinned and took a piece. "Thank you, don't mind if I do. The air is awfully smoky here, I could do with something to take the taste of smoke and mako away."

"There are important specimens stored in that reactor. If we're not going to be able to put out the fire before it explodes, you'll have to go in and retrieve them."

Sephiroth, to his credit, looked genuinely incredulous. "Don't be foolish, professor. That can't be true. Who would keep specimens in a reactor, of all places? And in such a remote place as this, too. Nobody in their right mind would consider that a good place to store anything of value." He shook his head hopelessly. "No, I think it's best we wait here until we come up with a safe plan to control the fire."

Hojo chose to ignore that. "Just get in there, you idiot!"

Sephiroth shook his head again, more seriously. "Oh, I'd love to help, Professor, but that would be against company protocol. My fire safety training has lapsed, and until I re-do the course I'm unauthorized to enter a burning building. I'd been meaning to catch up on it but I just haven't had the chance. You know how it is. Always busy. Zack, do you have a valid fire safety certificate?"

"I'm not sure. I'd have to check my personnel record. Let me find my phone, I'll see if I can load it up." He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and squinted at the screen. "Huh, would you look at that. Battery's dead again. I'd better not take the risk– I don't want to be in trouble with HR again. Do you have the requisite clearance to enter a burning reactor, Professor Hojo?"

"Useless. No better than failed experiments, all of you. Clearance be damned. You will go into that reactor and extinguish this fire. That's a direct order. If you don't–" he grabbed Tifa with an arm around her neck, "–I'll go myself, and take the girl with me. Do you understand?"

Tifa had been taken completely by surprise. She clawed at Hojo's arm to no avail as he dragged her, with surprising strength, backwards towards the inferno by the arm hooked around her neck. Zack froze in panic, aware of the troopers and their guns and not wanting to do anything that might make the situation worse.

Before he could work out what to do, Cloud had already taken decisive action. At a speed Zack would never have expected from someone without SOLDIER enhancements, Cloud crossed the space to where Hojo and Tifa were approaching the bottom of the reactor steps. Zack winced at the crack, audible over the sound of the fire, as Cloud, with no hesitation, whacked Hojo on the head with the butt of his rifle. In his determination, Hojo didn't let her go completely, but he did loosen his grip enough to allow Cloud to wrestle her free.

Cloud pushed Tifa to safety behind his back and squared up to Hojo.

Hojo looked at Cloud, considering, before looking again at the burning reactor and deciding not to pick a fight. He ran up the reactor steps without looking back, and disappeared inside. Cloud turned around to Tifa and took off his helmet, dropping it onto the ground.

Tifa looked shocked, then happy to see him. She pulled him into a tight, tearful hug then stood back, with her hands on his arms, and laughed at the sight of him before hugging him again and rocking him in her embrace. Cloud held her tenderly and Zack watched their exchange with a strange combination of feelings that he couldn't quite make sense of.

Cloud said something earnestly and Tifa nodded before going over to the troopers she'd just guided up the mountain. Cloud went to stand by Zack's side.

"You okay? You had me scared for a moment there."

"Mmhmm. I'm good."

"Go over there and talk to Tifa properly. Now's your chance!"

"Not now. She's fine. I told her to get out of here. She's going to go home and fetch her dad and some other people. I'll talk to her after this is sorted out." He gestured towards the burning reactor looming above them. The three of them stared at it.

"Well, we should really get back to trying to put out this fire, I suppose," sighed Sephiroth, with a shrug and a distinct lack of enthusiasm.

Sephiroth tilted his head towards Zack and said, in hardly more than a whisper, "Blow it up, Zack."

Zack put a hand on his arm. "You sure? That's probably your father in there, you know. I'll come with you if you want to go in and drag him out?"

Sephiroth was staring at the burning reactor.

"I know. And if he dies, the answers to some of my questions– and maybe some of yours, too– will die with him. But I think it's more important that we destroy the Jenova sample in there. We don't want Hojo to save it and do… whatever he might be considering doing with it. Anything that happens now to hasten the destruction of the reactor would be a good thing."

Zack understood. Maybe Hojo was Sephiroth's father, or maybe it was someone else. If he was Sephiroth's dad, he wasn't a very good one and didn't deserve the title. He was also, to put things mildly, a terrible person and an unethical scientist. His death would most likely be a good thing for humanity. Maybe he did have the answers to some of their questions about what SOLDIERS were and how they got to be that way, but he couldn't be the only one. And there had to be other people out there who knew the truth of what had happened right around the corner from here over twenty years ago.

Zack nodded, once, in Sephiroth's direction, and started searching through his pockets once more.

Sephiroth beckoned the commander of the troopers over. "We're trying to work out the most effective way of putting out the fire. We may need your men to assist. We've tried–"

He was interrupted by Zack. "Ooh, I found another materia! Lemme try this one!" Zack held out a hand and closed his eyes for a moment in thought to cast the spell.

An almighty blast of lightning hit the reactor right in the middle of where the blaze burned brightest.

Zack just had time to say "oops" before everything exploded. As Zack turned to look at Cloud he saw him being thrown off his feet by the blast. On instinct he threw himself over Cloud, but the whole world went white before he hit the ground.

Chapter Text

Zack opened his eyes to find himself lying on his front in an unfamiliar wood panelled room, with an equally unfamiliar woman, probably in her sixties, by the side of his bed. He lifted his head groggily and tried to find some words. His head was fuzzy and his mouth was dry. The woman helped him to drink some water through a straw. "Who are… where am I? Wait–" he rolled over, yelped in pain and sat up suddenly. "What the– ow– where's Cloud?"

The woman called in the direction of the door. "Claudia, can you come in here? Zack's awake." Then she turned back towards Zack with a reassuring smile. "Hey, Zack, calm down. Everything's alright. I'm Sara, I'm the healer here in Nibelheim, I work with Cloud's mother. You're in Cloud's house."

"Is he okay?"

Claudia walked through the door just in time to hear him. She smiled at him warmly. "Cloud's going to be just fine, largely thanks to you."

"Going to be? What do you mean, he's going to be? Does that mean he's not okay now?"

Claudia sat by the side of the bed and took his hand, stroking the back of it in a way that was presumably meant to be comforting but did nothing to ease the feeling of dread in the pit of Zack's stomach. "Cloud's doing okay, Zack. I promise. You don't need to worry about him. Do you really think I'd be here talking to you if he wasn't okay? Tell me– how are you? Any pain? You were badly burned. The mako explosion burned away most of your clothes, and what passes for armour, as well as a lot of your skin. You're doing a lot better now, but you've been in pretty bad shape. You had us worried for a while."

Zack tried to keep it together but as he twisted his torso to face Claudia better he couldn't help the pain showing on his face. "I guess that explains why my back feels like it's on fire. It's…" Zack took a moment to take in the state of his body. "Shit. That's pretty bad." It was very unpleasant, but Zack was no stranger to pain. He swallowed and took a deep breath in and out. "But I'm okay, really. Don't worry about me. Tell me about Cloud. Where is he? Can I see him? I need to see him." He tried to move his legs around to get out of bed but Sara put a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Zack, you're getting worked up. Don't even think about trying to get out of bed. Here. Drink this first, then we'll talk properly. It'll help with the pain and help you feel calmer. This'll work fast, though it may make you sleepy again."

Zack, always good at following direct orders, took a glass of strange smelling liquid from the healer and drank it down in one go.

Claudia started to explain while Sara leaned over to look at his back, peeling off some sort of dressing. "Cloud was badly concussed and had some hearing loss, though that seems to have mostly cleared up now. Also some burns, but you took the brunt of the blast, so that could have been a lot worse. He had some mako exposure, and he's not good with that, so he's been quite unwell because of it, but he's getting better. He hasn't been awake much, but all the signs suggest that he'll make a full recovery. He mostly just needs rest now. You still haven't really told us- how are you feeling? You were badly burned, but you heal fast."

Sara nodded in approval at the state of Zack's back. "It's amazing, really. Your skin still looks rather raw and feels slightly hot, but nothing like I'd expect given how badly burned you were just a few days ago. I don't even think it's going to scar. I'd expect you to be screaming in agony right now, not sitting up drinking painkillers and asking after your friend. It's–"

"A few days? I've been out cold for days? How come I'm not healed by now? It usually doesn't take this long."

Claudia shrugged. "Well, I'm not entirely sure, but it's been almost a week. Sephiroth has a theory about it, so I'll leave it to him to explain. But I will say that you did wake up once before, but you were in a lot of pain. We– myself and Sara and Sephiroth– decided it would be kinder to keep you asleep to give you time to heal. Sephiroth has been a great help with that. We were worried at first about the strength of the spell but Sephiroth has a lot of control over the magic. He's sat in here a lot of the time and kept an eye on you while we've looked after Cloud."

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Sephiroth himself entered, looking more worn and tired than Zack could ever remember having seen him before, yet somehow healthier than he had last week in the manor. "I thought I heard you talking, Zack. How are you feeling?" He leaned over and peeked at where Sara was re-bandaging Zack's back and winced sympathetically.

"It hurts, and I…" Zack felt himself getting woozy already from the medicine. He could feel his thoughts getting fuzzy. "Cloud… I'm worried about him, and I miss him. I miss him so much I could cry. I wanna see him right now." He started to straighten up as though he was going to attempt to get out of bed again.

Sephiroth put his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back down with a reassuring smile. "Well, soon, once you're feeling a bit better and can be up on your feet, you can go and see him."

"But I love him, and I never told him. I need to tell him." Zack started to cry. It felt like the only thing to do.

Sephiroth looked bemused. "Zack, what the– Claudia, what did you give him?"

"Just a painkilling draught. It's made from plants but it's very powerful and works almost instantly. Though we did give him quite a strong dose, on account of his size and his fast metabolism… and occasionally it can make people, well, like this." She gestured towards Zack, hunched over now, weeping inconsolably with his head in his hands.

Zack continued to wail. "I love him, and I never told him."

Sara knelt down beside the bed and pried Zack's hands away from his eyes. "Zack, listen to me. Honey, look at me. Cloud is going to be just fine. Right, Sephiroth? You've seen him."

"She's right. He's looking a bit rough at the moment, but–"

That brought on a new round of tears from Zack. "He's going to die, isn't he, and I never told him how I feel. He's so pretty, Seph, so pretty, have you seen his eyes? Have you felt his hair? You should go feel his hair. I wish I could feel his hair. If I can never feel his hair again, I might as well just die right now. Just go ahead and kill me. I have nothing left to live for."

Claudia held his hand. "Cloud is doing really well, Zack. He's certainly not going to die from this. That's the drug I gave you talking, it's making you irrational. It can make you feel a bit paranoid. Why don't you lie back down and try to sleep again? When you wake up I promise you'll feel a lot better, and we'll take you to see Cloud."

Zack completely ignored her and looked at Sephiroth. "And he's so sexy, you know? He looks so sweet and innocent, like an actual angel, but once you see what's under those clothes… and I taught him everything I know about kissing, and some other stuff besides, a lot of stuff, and it was so good, it was the best thing ever, even though you wouldn't think it to look at him. And I know it was good, because I have a lot to compare to, I really do, I should probably be ashamed but I'm not, not even a bit, so I don't care if you judge me."

Sephiroth pushed Claudia gently aside to block her from Zack. "Okay, Zack. That's enough talking for now. You need to sleep." He gave Zack a a look that was clearly meant to mean something, but Zack was in no state to work out what it was.

Then Zack came to the realistation that this was Cloud's mother he was talking to. He blinked a few times. "Not that I know how good it was, or would be, I mean we basically hardly had any sex at all, me and Cloud, I mean none, we definitely had none, we didn't do it, I would never, he was a virgin a week ago and he definitely still is, I swear, it's not like we did it when–"

Something glowed green and Zack knew no more.

*

Zack dropped back onto the bed like a stone. Claudia looked quizzically up at Sephiroth, who had his hand extended towards Zack and a green materia in his bracer still aglow. He shrugged innocently. "The insane ramblings of a drugged man. No truth in it, I'm sure. Nobody wants to hear that. He was upsetting himself. Thought I'd put him back to sleep for a bit."

Claudia rolled her eyes and gave Sephiroth a slap on the arm. "Oh, don't be silly, they've definitely had sex. I wasn't born yesterday. I don't mind, you know. Cloud is old enough to have left home, moved to the city, got a job. He's old enough for a boyfriend, and all that entails. Or not a boyfriend, I suppose… I mean, from what Zack said it seems like maybe they're just… well. I'm honestly grateful not to know the details. Though Zack does seem rather enamoured of Cloud."

Sephiroth laughed. "Certainly seems that way."

Claudia busied herself tidying the room. "It was obvious when they came over for dinner that last time. Cloud was telling me something, but I had my back to them, just listening while I was busy. And when I turned around, there was Zack, biting his lip and staring at Cloud like he thought he was the most beautiful, wonderful thing he'd ever laid eyes on. And there was Cloud, completely oblivious. Chatting away to me, not noticing Zack looking at him at all."

"You don't think he likes Zack back?"

"Oh, I'm sure he does. I know the signs to look for when Cloud likes somebody. Whether he'd ever manage to muster the confidence to say anything about it… well. I don't know. I'm sure they'll work it out, whatever it is they have or haven't got going on." Her tidying finished, Claudia was back at Zack's bedside. "Help me roll him over? His back is still too sore to sleep on." She brushed Zack's hair out of his face and put a hand on his forehead. "He's still running a slight fever, too. Poor Zack, he's going to be so embarrassed about this when he wakes up."

"That's what you're bothered about? It doesn't bother you that it's starting to seem as though Cloud isn't going to come back here with a nice girl and live next door and raise your grandchildren?"

"Oh goodness no. I hope he doesn't. I always wanted to leave this place, you know. And Cloud's father was an adventurer. He was never truly happy here, he wasn't the sort to settle in a small place like this. So I hope there's something more out there for Cloud. I want him to see the world and experience all sorts of things. I'd be happier if he wrote more often, but at the end of the day I just want him to find happiness. Isn't that all any parent really wants?"

"Working on the assumption that Hojo was my father, I can say, with absolute certainty and speaking from bitter experience that no, sadly, that's not what all parents want for their children."

She hugged him. "You'll always have family here, you know. It's a slow life here compared to what you're used to, but you'd be welcome to stay a while. If you're lucky, we'll even remember not to call you Steve."

Sephiroth laughed, surprising himself with how light he felt. "I think there are things I have to do back in Midgar, but I may just take you up on that when I get the chance. It might be nice to take some time out from life in the big city. And I think I need to get to know more people who aren't part of Shinra. Even if they do call me Steve."

Claudia laughed too. "Oh, Steve isn't so bad. He was a very cute baby." She stopped and looked Sephiroth up and down. "I still can't believe how tall you got." She hugged him again. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too."

*

When Zack awoke again, Sephiroth was sitting by the bed.

"Good morning, Zack. You're looking much better. Claudia left you something for pain, if you need it. But a much lower dose than last time."

"Last time?"

"You don't remember?"

"I remember… being awake, and talking to you. Then it hurt, and I was drinking something, but after that things got fuzzy and I think I feel asleep?"

Sephiroth shrugged. "Oh. Well. That's close enough. Something like that, yes."

"What happened? With everything?"

"Hojo was the only fatality of the reactor fire. None of the specimens he spoke of were recovered. The fire burned long and hot before it could be extinguished and although the Turks have combed the area thoroughly no biological matter was found. The town has got its backup oil generators up and running without too many problems. Shinra is sending in more fuel to keep things running. Whether they will wish to rebuild the reactor is anyone's guess.

"I had some minor burns from the blast but that was all. A few of the troopers who arrived with Hojo had minor injuries from flying debris, but nothing significant. Tifa was well out of the way by the time the explosion happened. You and Cloud were right in the blast, and he would almost certainly have died if you hadn't thrown yourself over him. His mother is very grateful. I think she'd forgive you anything. Probably doesn't even mind that you told her you were boning him."

"I… what?! When? But I–"

"It's fine. You were drugged out of your tiny, horny mind, and like I said– she'd forgive you anything right now."

"No, I mean I… I haven't actually done that. Not as such."

"Zack Fair. Are you honestly trying to tell me you could look that woman, who has nursed you tirelessly back to health over the last week, in the eye and tell her that her precious only child is still a virgin?"

"Well… I… look. Now, hang on. I never said that. I just said that I wasn't boning him."

"Ah. I see. Knowing that little detail has not improved my life, but I do see. Semantics, Zack. Doesn't matter anyway– like I said, she's so pleased you saved him that I don't think she cares who is or is not putting whose dick in who."

"My brain hurts."

"Yes, it's a lot to take in. Forget dicks for a moment: how's your back?"

Zack sat and took a moment to think about it and process the sensations. "Sore, but okay. It's bearable, I think."

"You want the painkillers?" Sephiroth held up a glass.

"Not right now. Maybe some water, though?"

Zack's sick room was well equipped. Sephiroth poured him a glass of water from a jug and handed it to Zack who downed it gratefully. "So, um… what happened when I woke up before?"

"Like I said– you told us things. A couple of days ago was the first time you'd really been conscious for any length of time. We got talking and you had a lot of questions. Understandably. But it became clear that you were experiencing some distress, both physically and emotionally. So Mrs Strife gave you some painkilling medicine, which you did not react well to. You said some things that… well. Some things to do with the boy troubles you'd talked to me about in the inn on the morning of the fire."

"Oh god. In front of Cloud's mom? So does she– wait, you know Cloud is the boy I'm having trouble with, right? And his mom knows? What does she know? Does Cloud know?" Zack became increasingly frantic.

Sephiroth was clearly trying not to laugh. "That's a lot of questions, so I'll answer them in turn: obviously, yes I do, yes she does, more than you'd probably like, and finally: no, not as far as I'm aware."

Zack whined miserably. "I don't know what any of that meant. I don't remember all the things I asked you."

Sephiroth chuckled. "I'm sorry. Listen. It's fine. I know, Claudia knows, neither of us have said anything to Cloud. Somebody should say something to him. And by somebody I mean you, in case that wasn't clear. A desperate desire to speak to him was one of the things you were so upset about, actually."

"I really like him."

"I got that impression, yes. You said that you loved him, actually."

"I did? To you, and Cloud's mom? What the fuck is wrong with me? I just… I don't know about that. I think I've messed up. He's all hung up on Tifa. If Angeal were here he'd say here I go again, making inappropriate sexual and romantic choices."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not sure he would. Have you talked to Cloud at all? I suppose not, I suppose you wouldn't have had a chance since we talked about this at breakfast the other day. It does seem very Zack-like to finally find someone who's a good choice for you and who likes you back, but to decide he doesn't like you back without even talking to him about it."

"Like I said to you before– I'm pretty sure he's straight, so what'd be the point? And you saw how he ran to save Tifa up at the reactor, without a second thought. So… man. I dunno."

Zack felt thoroughly dejected. He was tired, despite having just woken up, and he was in pain, and he couldn't see any hope for the situation with Cloud. His eyes felt tight as he tried not to cry with the sheer misery of it all.

Sephiroth took his hand. "Hey. Don't get upset. Things'll work out. Things will look brighter when you've fully recovered. And I really, really, really think you should talk to him. Even if it feels pointless. I told you before– I don't see any reason to suspect he's straight. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance to find out."

Zack didn't want to think about it any more, so he changed the subject to something else he'd been wondering about. "How come it's been so long since the fire? I've just been lying here recovering for almost a week? What's that about? I should've been healed and back on my feet days ago."

"Oh. Well, that's an interesting question. I'm not completely sure about everything, but after the fire, you and I were both quite unwell for a few days."

Zack frowned. "I got sick? You got sick? How come? We never get sick. I guess it must've been something we picked up in the library. Though Cloud was there almost as much as I was, did he get it too?"

"No, he didn't. I have reason to believe that this was something more about what you are than where you've been."

Zack must have looked as confused as he felt, because Sephiroth rolled his eyes as he continued. "It's a SOLDIER thing, Zack. My theory is that when the Jenova specimen was incinerated, the small quantities of cells in you– us– were destroyed too. I believe they were controlled by the mother source, and somehow became unstable and couldn't survive without it. I think we were going through some sort of withdrawal-type process as the alien cells died off. When I find a doctor we can trust, I'll get some blood tests done, but, well. I'm not inclined to trust any doctors who are affiliated with Shinra right now, so it might take some time to organise that. I suspect that if you talk to friends in SOLDIER you'll find they've all been unwell. More so those with higher levels of enhancement, I would think, too. Your high mako levels likely helped you to get better faster, but it's taken you longer than me because your body was already working so hard to heal up the burns. The mako means that you do still heal fast, but the Jenova cells had added to the effect and without them, that's slowed down somewhat, compared to what you might've been used to."

Zack's brow creased as he tried to make sense of it all.

Sephiroth patted him on the shoulder. "Try not to worry about it. You're going to be fine. Oh– and I charged your phone. It keeps buzzing. You might want to take a look." Sephiroth handed him the phone. "Why don't I go ask if it's okay for you to take a shower? Then maybe you'll feel up to visiting Cloud?"

Zack brightened immediately. A shower sounded amazing, and visiting Cloud would be even better. "Really? Thanks. That'd be great, actually."

Most of his messages had been from Kunsel, so he typed out a short message in reply, to let him know that things were okay. It wasn't completely true, but it was close enough, and he'd call him and catch him up on the details when he felt up to it. He got a reply just moments later.

From: Kunsel

Glad things are okay out there. Thank goodness you weren't here. We all had this flu-type thing. A few of the older guys didn't come down with it, but it swept through most of us in SOLDIER like a wildfire and everyone was laid up for a couple of days. We all seem fine now, though. Are you coming back soon?

*

Zack felt immeasurably better when he managed to get out of bed and take a quick shower, although he was irritated by everyone's insistence that Sephiroth stay in the room in case he collapsed or something.

Sara had been stern. "You can have a lukewarm shower– not too hot, because your burns are still healing. And you can have Sephiroth keeping an eye out, or you can have me. You choose. What you cannot do is take a shower unaccompanied. You haven't been out of bed for a week, and there's a good chance that being up on your feet and under the warm water will make you dizzy. It's your choice, young man."

Well. Zack had been in plenty of locker rooms over the past few years. That was fine, but it was weird having someone specifically there to keep an eye on him, and he said as much. "Don't be silly. I'm not literally going to watch you, Zack. I'm just there to make sure that if you black out or something, there's someone there to notice it and to help. Don't worry, I'll keep my back to you and if I hear a thud I'll know you've collapsed."

Zack felt so much better after showering and washing his hair, but it still wasn't enough. "Can I go see Cloud now? Can I, can I, can I?"

"Yes. But both of you need to stay calm, so behave yourself."

Zack was relieved to see Cloud sitting up in his bed. He looked pale and drawn, but his face lit up at the sight of Zack, which was reassuring.

Zack had to put his hands behind his back to resist the desperate urge to touch him, hold him, reassure himself that Cloud was okay.

He stood there awkwardly. "Hi."

"Hi." Cloud smiled.

"Can I... I want to hug you but I don't want to hurt you."

"Oh. Yeah. As long as you avoid…" Cloud looked down at his heavily bandaged right shoulder and raised his arm so that Zack could slip his own arm underneath it and avoid his injured side. "I think your burns are more healed than mine."

It was difficult to have him so close and not be kissing him. It was amazing how quickly Zack had got used to the level of intimacy they'd shared. Zack settled for smelling his hair (clean, fresh, very nice) and pressing his lips to the top of his head, hoping it wouldn't be noticeable. He sternly reminded himself that they'd never been dating, or anything like that.

"Thank goodness you're here, Zack. I've been getting so bored. My mom won't let me get out of bed except to go to the bathroom."

"Oh, I thought it was just me! This is the first time they let me get up. They wouldn't let me shower without having a babysitter."

"Right? Me too. What's that all about?"

Zack took on a lecturing tone. "Well, you did have a head injury. So I can kind of see their point."

"Oh, okay. I get it– so you think it's a stupid rule for you but it's okay for me?"

"No, I… I just meant… well, I heal really easily, so there's no need to worry about me. But I was really worried about you. I still am worried about you. You don't look great."

Cloud sighed. "I know. I don't feel great either, but I'm okay. Really. I'll be better when I get up and about and get some sunshine and fresh air, I think. I think now they're letting you in to see me, they might let me get up soon."

"So this is your childhood bedroom? It's nice. A bit bare looking, though. Kinda impersonal. Did your mom clear it out when you left?"

For some strange reason Cloud glanced at a large bare patch on the wall and looked embarrassed. "Oh, it's just… you know. I grew out of some stuff, I guess, and then I left for Midgar so things didn't get replaced."

Zack grabbed a plush chocobo from the end of the bed and hugged it tight. "I like this little guy, though. Does he have a name?"

"That's Mango. Don't ask me why, I don't remember. It must've felt like a good name when I was four."

There was a knock on the door and Claudia came in with a tray and some bowls of soup. "Time to eat, boys. How are you doing, Zack, now you're out of bed? You must be hungry. Do you need anything for pain?"

"I'm doing fine, really. That pain liquid stuff really helps. Can Cloud get out of bed? He's bored."

Cloud looked at his mother in outrage. "Are you kidding me? That's not fair. You've let him get up out of bed and you're giving him the good painkillers?"

She ruffled his hair. "We'll take a look at the dressing on your shoulder in the morning, and after that I think you can get up and about. But humour your poor mother for today and stay in bed. As long as Zack feels up to it, he can stay and entertain you this afternoon. I can bring you some card games and things."

"That'd be great, Mrs Strife."

They had a very pleasant afternoon, Zack sitting with his legs crossed at the end of Cloud's bed, chatting and playing games. Claudia came in twice to tell them to calm down and threatened to send Zack back to bed if they kept getting overexcited.

Zack knew he had to talk to Cloud, really talk to him, at some point. He should just tell him. Get it out in the open and out of the way. Maybe. But they were both still recovering from the incident at the reactor, so he told himself it wasn't the right time for that sort of serious conversation.

I'll definitely tell him before we leave to go back to Midgar. Definitely.

Chapter Text

Over the next few days, with plenty of fresh air and Claudia's hearty home cooking, they all recovered quickly. So much so that Sephiroth started to make plans for their return to Midgar.

"I've spoken to the President and although I did my best to stall him, we can't draw this out much longer. We need to get back. I've arranged transport for three days' time. But I'm hoping I can find a way to get back here before long. I think we need to take a look at some other things in and beneath that old manor house, and possibly burn it down as a precaution."

"Wait– as a precaution?" Zack, for once, was the voice of reason. "Burning things down can't be the solution to everything, Sephiroth. I'm sure some horrible things have gone on there, because, you know, Shinra. But maybe we could just destroy the bad stuff and keep the building and use it for something good? It's a pretty cool old house, don't you think? It'd be a shame to destroy it all. And also- there's some guy asleep in a coffin in there. Probably need to move him on before we burn the place down, right?"

"What are you talking about? A guy asleep in a coffin? I think you must've imagined that, Zack. Still. Could be interesting. We should probably check that out some time. And you could be right about keeping ithe building. I'll think about it."

To Zack's great excitement, once the villagers got wind of their departure, a festival was arranged in their honour.

"It's to celebrate you and Sephiroth, you know, as returning sons of the village or whatever. And to celebrate the destruction of the monsters from the reactor," he told Cloud when he came in after hearing the news whilst at the village store. "Should be fun, right?"

Cloud did not look convinced. "I guess? Though honestly I'd rather have spent my last night here having a quiet dinner with my mom. Like I told you before: I'm not exactly popular in town."

"Not exactly popular?! Have you spoken to anyone since you saved Tifa up at the reactor? You're a hero, Cloud. That's what people are saying. After all this time, little Cloud Strife came back and stepped in to save Tifa with no thought of his own safety. Stuff like that."

"I don't think they're saying stuff like that, Zack. I was only gone for a couple of years, for one thing." But he looked pleased, nonetheless. Looked like maybe, with a bit of convincing, he might actually believe it.

Zack and Cloud hadn't talked. At least, they hadn't really talked. They'd talked all the time– playing cards on Cloud's bed, sitting in Cloud's mom's kitchen, out walking in the foothills of the mountains when she'd shooed them out of the house to get some fresh air and exercise.

They'd chatted, like friends do, like they'd always done. And it'd been fine. No, better than that– it'd been really nice, actually. But they hadn't talked about the thing Zack was supposed to bring up. They hadn't talked about everything they'd done, before. Or about how, on the morning of the fire, Zack had woken up with Cloud unexpectedly in his bed. Zack hadn't said hey, remember last week when I taught you how to kiss and everything, and I don't know about you but I thought it was pretty great?

He definitely hadn't said have you thought that maybe it could all mean something? You and me?

And the longer he went without saying anything, the more difficult it felt.

He'd promised himself he'd say something before they went back to Midgar, but time was fast running out.

*

The atmosphere in town was just as festive as had been promised. Sephiroth had declared that the Shinra company wanted to not only fund the celebration but also to allow them to use the manor's gardens, which had duly been decorated with lanterns strewn among the trees. There were tables laden with piles of home cooked food as well as various delicacies Sephiroth had arranged to be flown in from further afield, despite many complaints from Reno about how I'm a Turk, not your personal fucking delivery boy. Children ran around squealing, and a band was playing under a canopy. Zack had overheard several townspeople commenting on how nice it was to see the old house surrounded by light and liveliness.

As dusk fell, Zack and Cloud stood under a tree drinking cider from plastic cups. Zack had already sampled all of the different foods on offer, and had declared everything amazing while Cloud had just smiled and rolled his eyes at Zack's unquenchable enthusiasm.

Zack felt happy– full of good food, in good company and just the right amount of relaxed from the drink. He looked over at Cloud, his eyes glinting in the gentle light of the lanterns in the trees. It felt like this might, finally, be the right time to talk to him.

But when he followed the path of Cloud's gaze, he saw him watching a group of young people from the village, with Tifa standing among them. She brushed her long hair back from her face and smiled, and talking to Cloud no longer felt like such a good idea.

Cloud was his friend. He'd confessed to having feelings for Tifa. Why was Zack spending so much time thinking about confessing his own feelings in the first place? It suddenly felt completely futile. It could only result in confusion and upset, and god, the last thing he wanted was to lose Cloud's friendship.

Zack knew what the right thing to do was. He steeled his resolve and took a deep breath. "Cloud. You have to go talk to her. I see the way you look at her. You've been thinking about it ever since we got here. Go on. You got this." Zack gave him a gentle shove in Tifa's direction, determined to ignore that fact that it made his own heart feel like it was breaking into pieces.

"Zack, I-"

Zack gave him a slightly-less-gentle shove of encouragement, determined to get this over with. "Go."

He could see how things were going to go. Cloud pulling her aside from the group, talking to her, taking her hand, probably leaning in and kissing her under the soft light.

Cloud turned to him and shoved him gently back. "Has anyone ever told you that you are terrible at listening?"

"I'm a great listener, actually. It's not the listening that's the problem. The problem is you need to get me paying attention first, and then…"

He tailed off, looking at Cloud's raised eyebrows, and scratched his head sheepishly. "Right. Yeah. Not paying attention. I get it. Okay. I'm listening. What did you want to say? We were talking about you going over to talk to Tifa, right? I still think you should go talk to her now. You can catch up with me later."

But Cloud hadn't moved. He looked stricken. "I don't– Zack, please, will you just listen? Please. This is really difficult for me to talk about, and I– actually, it's you I need to talk to. I can't not talk to you any more. It's killing me, Zack."

Zack had no idea what Cloud was talking about. "I don't understand."

"Let's find somewhere we can talk, okay?"

Zack looked around and spotted the water tower in the square, well past the edge of the night's festivities. He pointed towards it. "We could head back into town and go up there?"

They walked there without speaking, climbed up, and sat on the ledge. Cloud swung his feet restlessly. When it became clear that he wasn't going to say anything, Zack did. "Wow, the stars out here are just… something else. I don't think the sky has ever been more beautiful." When Cloud didn't respond, Zack nudged his shoulder with his own.

"I… okay. Zack, I think I've messed up. I owe you an apology."

"You… do?" Zack couldn't think why. "I don't think I know what you're talking about."

"So. You know the night before the fire, what you asked me about…" He took a deep breath and tipped his head back, looking at the sky. "I don't think I'm bisexual. I think I might be gay, though."

"You… I don't get it."

"I didn't mean to be dishonest with you! I've wondered about it for a while, but then we got talking about Tifa and I did have a thing for her back when I lived here. At least, I thought I did? And once I told you about it one thing led to another and then you and me were… you know. And I didn't feel like I could tell you. And tonight, I've been looking at her all night. Looking at her so hard, because I thought if I tried hard enough and looked long enough I might be able to make myself feel something about her, because wouldn't things be easier if I could feel for her even the tiniest bit of what I feel when I so much as glance at you. That'd be so, so much easier than feeling like this about my best friend. And I'm sorry, Zack, I know I shouldn't have let things… happen, the way they did."

"I still don't understand. Are you saying that…" Zack hardly dared to hope that Cloud might be saying what he seemed to be saying.

Cloud hid his head in his hands. "I'm sorry. I know I've been stupid. And I know this is going to make things awkward between us. I didn't want that. I figured we could just do all that stuff and then it'd be over and I'd find a way to forget about all of this. But then things happened, and you said all of that stuff about how I'd fall in love with someone and I just thought… what if that someone was you? And I get it, I know you don't feel the same way, I mean, why would you, I–"

Zack interrupted. "It doesn't have to make things awkward."

"I think it already did. I can't even look at you right now."

"So don't look at me. Cloud. It's okay. Close your eyes."

Cloud blinked a couple of times before complying, and even Zack– stupid, oblivious Zack, blind to what was right there in front of his eyes– could see that he was close to tears. Oh, Cloud. Zack cursed himself for not noticing sooner, because in hindsight, all the signs had been there, hadn't they? He stroked Cloud's hair gently. "Hey. It's okay. It really is. So, remember when you asked me how you're supposed to know what it feels like, when you're falling in love with someone?" He didn't wait for Cloud to answer. "Well, it feels like this. Exactly like this."

Zack leaned in and kissed him under the stars.

*

They didn't bother going back to the festival. Cloud had looked at Zack shyly as he said, "Do you want to come stay over at my house? My mom had to leave the festival in a hurry to go deliver a baby. She won't be back for ages. A few hours, at the very least."

They hadn't shared a room for the night, let alone anything more, since the accident. Zack had gone back to the inn when he was recovered, but Cloud had stayed at home.

Zack nodded. "I should probably swing by the inn to get my toothbrush. Meet you at your place in two minutes?"

Cloud was lighting candles when Zack arrived. "We don't know how long the oil supplies will last, so it's best to use candles if we just need some light," he explained.

Zack nodded. "Makes sense." Setting the mood may not have been Cloud's intention, but it was definitely working that way. Zack stepped closer.

Cloud took Zack's hand and said nothing as he led him upstairs.

He lit some more candles in his room, then went back to where Zack was standing, still just inside the door. "So this is my bedroom."

Zack smiled as he looked around. "Yeah, I know. I've been in here every day this past week."

"Right. You have."

"You seem a little nervous."

Cloud looked down at their joined hands and laced his fingers through Zack's. "Um. Not really? Well, sort of?"

"If you need time, I get it. We can just… whatever. We don't have to do anything, or– or be anything. I don't expect anything from you, you know? I can go back to the inn if you like."

"No! Don't go, I… I was actually going to ask if we could try something."

"Something?"

Cloud let go of Zack's hand and twisted his hair nervously. "The thing we haven't done yet."

Zack looked at him, puzzled. "Which thing we haven't done yet?'

"The thing that I've done to you, but you, um, haven't done to me."

"Oh. Oh. That thing." Zack didn't really know what he'd expected Cloud to ask for, but it wasn't that. "Yeah, we can absolutely try that. If you're sure you want to? It's…" Zack thought about how best to explain. "It's not always a lot of fun the first time, though. Sometimes it takes a bit of practice before it gets really good. And some people just never take to it. I don't want you to think we have to do it that way, 'cause we don't."

"You don't want to?"

Zack took his hand again. "Oh, I really do. You have no idea how much. But only if you want to. Honestly, I'd be just as happy with other things."

"No, I do want to." Cloud looked down at their hands again, squinting as if he wasn't sure how they'd got to this point. "So, this is probably a stupid question, but… is it gonna hurt?"

Zack moved closer to him and slipped his hands around his waist. "Cloud, in the past couple of weeks you've been shot, concussed, burned, and slashed open with a sword. So: no. Compared to all those things, sex isn't gonna be painful. Though honestly? It'll probably be a bit uncomfortable and it'll definitely feel weird at first. But yeah, Cloud, I'd love to do that with you. I'll make it so good for you. You're sure your mom isn't coming back? We can go to the inn if that's better?"

"What, and have Sephiroth hearing everything through the walls? No thank you. And mom said she won't be back. So. Here's better, I think." He nodded emphatically and sat down on his bed.

*

Zack held himself perfectly still and scrutinised Cloud's face, making a deliberate effort to ignore just how overwhelming it felt to be deep inside him.

"Cloud?" he whispered. "You okay? Is this okay?"

Cloud visibly thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yeah. I think so."

"You think so? Does it hurt?"

"I– no. Like you said, it's… weird. But it's fine. It's good, Zack." He nodded again, emphatically.

Zack looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of discomfort. "Really?"

"Really. Really, really, honestly. I promise."

"If you want me to stop, just say. Or to go slow, or wait, or whatever."

"I want you to stop talking and just do it Zack. I told you– it's good."

Zack leaned down and kissed him, deep and slow.

Cloud wriggled impatiently. "C'mon, Zack. I'm not pretending to be an expert about this, but I think you're supposed to move? I seem to remember that's what you told me."

Zack moved around to the side of his head and kissed his ear, his neck, down to his chest. "I'm just taking it slow. Don't want to hurt you. I promised I'd make it good."

"I told you– it is good. It's taken forever to get this far, Zack. It doesn't hurt. Please?" He squeezed Zack's shoulder, hard. "Please. Could you just– stop talking."

Zack took a deep breath and really looked at Cloud. His eyes were wide and trusting in the low, gentle flicker of the candlelight. Zack's thoughts kept drifting back to the water tower, and the things Cloud had said, but every time his mind went back there it felt like too much to think about. He couldn't quite believe it, wanted to check did you really mean it all?

Zack gave a long, slow thrust which elicited such a delightful noise from Cloud that he was thankful they were in an empty house. The chatter in Zack's head fell silent and he finally found himself speechless.

*

"I don't think I've ever been this naked before."

Cloud lay on his front, contentedly basking in the come down.

"Hmm. Yes, you have." Zack lay next to him, leaning over to trail kisses down his spine. "You most definitely have. I, for one, have definitely seen you exactly this naked before."

"It feels different, though."

"Hmm. I wonder why?" Zack smiled as Cloud shivered beneath his lips.

Cloud yawned. "If I wasn't so exhausted, I'd ask if we could do that again," he mumbled.

"You liked it, then?"

"Mmm. I liked it."

"Better than the other way?"

"Um..." Cloud thought about it. "No? I don't know. I think I'd need to try both ways again before I can decide whether I liked one better."

"Well, you can definitely do that," Zack said, between kisses. "If you're gonna be Zack Fair's boyfriend, you can do it whichever way you like, whenever you like."

Cloud went very still.

Zack stopped kissing him. "Sorry. Too soon for that?"

"No, I just… hadn't thought about it. But being Zack Fair's boyfriend sounds really nice."

"Because of the unlimited sex I just offered?"

"No. Just because. Just… it's you, Zack." Cloud sounded like he was finding it hard to believe. "I don't feel like I should get to be Zack Fair's boyfriend."

"Well, you do get to, if you think you can put up with me. I still can't quite believe that Cloud Strife might want to be my boyfriend."

"I do. I definitely do. That's something I'm totally sure about."

"That's a relief." Zack leaned down and kissed Cloud's shoulder.

"Do your parents know?"

Zack didn't recognise the abrupt change of subject, still too fucked out to really make sense of much. "Do they know what? That you want to be my boyfriend? How would they know that?"

"No– do they know about you?"

"What about me?"

Cloud paused. "About… this. About you liking boys. Or, being bi. Whatever you are."

Zack shook his head slowly. "I… no. When I left I didn't really know about it myself. I was all crazy and hormonal but it was more… aggression and shit. Horniness, but it wasn't directed at anyone in particular, boys or girls. It was just sort of… there. So there was nothing to tell."

"Will you tell them?"

"I dunno, actually. I haven't seen them in five years. Five years, Cloud. I think my sexuality would be the last thing on their minds if I turned up back at home."

"Right."

"Did you know before you left home? Or suspect, at all? About yourself?" Zack thought about boys he'd met in the barracks, boys for whom Shinra and the big city far from home had been a welcome escape from people and places who wouldn't accept the things they were feeling. Cloud could easily be another one of them.

"No. But with hindsight, I knew something, I think. I wonder if the kids in town knew it too, or at least they knew that something was… off, about me."

Zack didn't much like the wording, but he knew what Cloud's point was and thought it'd be kind to get him there rather than continuing to beat around the bush. "You're thinking about coming out to your mom before we go?"

"Mmhmm. Thinking about it." Cloud looked faraway. "If she even gets back before we leave. She could be gone for days if it's a long labour."

"You don't think she'll mind about you, do you? 'Cause I don't. She's really cool. And also– though this may not be true, I heard it second hand from Sephiroth– and don't be mad, by the way– apparently I, um… I sort of might have told her we'd been doing some things, back when I was high on those painkillers she gave me. She hasn't been weird about it."

Cloud smiled at the image. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure she knows. Or suspects, at least. But saying it out loud?" He shrugged. "I just don't know. Just thinking about it makes me nervous. Like it might change something between us. It was always me and her against the world, you know."

"Things between people change all the time. I think things between you and your mom are already different to what they were when we arrived here. Just little things. She's really proud of you, you know."

"Yeah, I know. No idea why, but I know she is."

Zack snorted in disbelief. "If you can't work out why she'd be proud of you, then it's definitely not your intelligence she's proud of."

Cloud didn't say anything. His eyes were closed and Zack could see that he was starting to fall asleep.

"Cloud? Can I stay here? Will it be okay if your mom comes back and walks in?"

"Umm…" he stifled a yawn. "Well, she wouldn't just walk in. And she won't be mad or anything. Though I hope she doesn't… although it would save me the job of telling her. She'd definitely know if she walked in on us like this."

Zack pulled Cloud around and into his arms and kissed the top of his head with a contented sigh.

*

Zack woke up alone in Cloud's bed. Before he had time to wonder where Cloud was he heard voices downstairs, so he threw on some clothes and went to investigate. Cloud was drinking coffee and Claudia was lacing up her boots. "Zack! Good morning. Sit down. I just need to pop to the store, I'll be back in five minutes. Cloud will get you something to drink, and I'll make breakfast when I get back."

She closed the door behind her and Cloud stood up to get coffee for Zack. "So… I just talked to my mom about you, you know. She got back an hour or so ago and I woke up when she came in, so it seemed like a good time."

"About me in general or… about me?"

"The second one, I guess."

"Was she okay with it?"

"Sure. She just sort of hugged me and said you seemed really nice and we should look after each other."

"That's cool. Your mom's cool." He waited then went on. "And… are you okay with it?"

Cloud sat back down. He thought about it for a really long time and Zack, for once, let him without interjecting. "I'm getting there. I mean… a part of me's known for a long time, but that doesn't make it any easier when you finally admit it to yourself and find yourself in bed with another boy. Oh– and my mom did give me a lecture about safe sex, specifically with you. I didn't like that part so much."

"What do you mean, specifically with me?"

Cloud had turned pink and taken a sudden, intent interest in the grain of the wood of the table. He traced it with his finger. "So… she said I presume you are either in, or are intending on shortly entering into, a sexual relationship with Zack. This was after she'd said how nice you are and all that, by the way. Then she said you know, Zack's blood glows green with mako, when the light catches it just right. Which I guess she would know about, having treated you after the accident. She said she was worried about you, actually, and she got distracted talking about that for a while. You know, how it can't be good for you and so on. Then she basically got back to talking about safe sex– said it's safe to assume all of your, um, bodily fluids are full of mako. And that since I'm so sensitive to it, we need to make sure we always use condoms. And then I was so mortified I dropped dead on the spot and it took three phoenix downs to bring me back."

Zack smiled. "Oh, really?"

"Well, no, not that last part. But it was almost true. Sort of wished I could just drop dead, at the time."

"Huh. I can see that'd be kind of embarrassing. But… you were okay after you blew me, right?" He waited for Cloud to look at him. "Cloud– right?"

When Cloud met his eyes he was biting his lip nervously. "Um, no, Zack. Not really. I was sick as a dog all the next day. I didn't want to tell you 'cause I knew you'd feel bad. And you were busy with Sephiroth at the time, so there didn't seem to be much point in telling you."

"Aw, man. That's not good. No more cock sucking for you."

"I think I could do the sucking, just not the swallowing. Maybe. You know, if I spit fast and rinse my mouth out? And actually, it's only really sucking SOLDIER's cocks that'd be a problem. And–"

Zack put a hand over his heart. "Cloud, you wound me. It's been, what? Twelve hours? Since you said you'd be my boyfriend. And you're already thinking about sucking someone else's dick?"

"I'm not! Of course not." He looked at Zack, evidently concerned. "Do you mind, though? About the condoms?"

Well, Zack wasn't exactly thrilled about it, that was true, but it was far from being a dealbreaker, and he meant it when he reassured Cloud. "Absolutely not. It's not a problem at all." He moved around to face Cloud and kissed him.

The door opened and they sprung apart.

"Mom! You're back."

She smiled. "I said I wouldn't be long. Now, come on. Let's get you boys one last decent meal before you have to head back to Midgar. Zack, come and help me out. There's something I want to talk to you about, before you go."

Zack looked at Cloud with dread, so Cloud stepped in. "Mom, no, you don't need to–"

Claudia cut him off with a stern look, and shooed him away. "Don't worry, this has nothing to do with you. Go tidy your room and leave us to talk." She turned her attention back to Zack, handing him a towel and a bowl to dry. "Now then, Zack."

Zack looked at her, bemused and a little apprehensive.

"When we treated Cloud after the explosion, we noticed that he'd had some other injuries recently. I presume it was you who treated him for those?"

"I– um, yeah." Zack put the bowl down and scratched his head nervously. "I know I didn't do the best job, but you have to work with what you've got, and–"

"Sara and I both thought you'd done a very nice job, actually. Where did you learn to do that?"

"Oh. Thanks? I just learned some bits at Shinra, you know. Everybody in SOLDIER has to do some first aid type stuff. And I use magic for a lot of it. So it's not proper healing, really. Not like what you'd do."

"Well, I'd probably go as far as to say you have a knack for it. Magical healing can be a very valuable asset to draw on, if you have the power and the skills. The difficulty is in knowing when to use magic and when to use traditional methods– and you seem to have a natural aptitude for that. Did you ever consider apprenticing to a healer?"

Zack laughed and picked up a handful of spoons to dry. "Oh, I couldn't. There's too much to learn, and I can't really read very much, so I don't think I'd be much good at it."

"Zack, healers have been sharing their art since long before things got written down. You seem like a fast learner to me, so being a poor reader might not be as much of a barrier as you'd think. If you ever decide you've had enough of Shinra, I'd be happy to help you find someone to learn from."

"That's really nice of you, Mrs Strife. But fighting's all I do. It's all I know."

Claudia grabbed him in a hug so sudden it took him by surprise. "Oh, Zack. You're, what, eighteen?"

Zack nodded.

"And you've been with Shinra since you were…?"

"Thirteen."

Claudia nodded sadly. "Thirteen. Well, then. Of course fighting's all you know right now. But when you finish growing up you'll know yourself better, and I think you'll find there's more to you than you think right now. Trust me. Of course I don't expect you to drop everything right now– just promise me you'll think about it."

*

Most of the village had turned out to say goodbye and wish them a safe journey. It was a stark contrast to how things had been when they arrived. The mayor shook hands with all of them and thanked them profusely for their work. Tifa's father pulled Cloud into a tight squeeze and thanked him, with tears in his eyes, for keeping Tifa safe. Tifa hugged all of them and promised to come visit them in Midgar some time.

Sephiroth was pleased to see Claudia. "I heard you'd had to go to a birth last night, and wondered if you'd make it to see us off. I trust everything went well?"

"A healthy baby boy. Everyone's fine, just tired. When you're all gone I'll go get some rest."

He pulled her into a hug. "I'll be in touch soon about that visit."

"You do that, Sephiroth. And you, Zack– you know you're welcome any time. Think about what I said. Now– you boys all look after each other, you hear me?"

Zack grinned. "Absoultely, Mrs Strife."

"Cloud– did you remember to take that medicine I gave you for motion sickness?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, mom."

She laughed as she gave Cloud one last hug and whispered something Zack couldn't hear, before they picked up their bags and were on their way.

Zack couldn't believe they'd only been here for a couple of weeks. So much had changed– mostly for the better, but he knew there was still a lot of work to do. Leaving Nibelheim felt like an ending, but it was really only the beginning. And if everything Sephiroth had said about Shinra was true, it was probably going to be the beginning of some difficult, dangerous times.

Well. He was used to that. Things had been difficult and dangerous for a long while. At least now, he had people he could trust by his side.

As they passed under the village sign Cloud turned, smiling, and waved to his mother one last time.

Zack took his hand and they left the village together.