Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

False hope, falling.

These are the first things Nam-gyu remembers as he regains consciousness. He blinks, his vision blurry as he sits up and feels a sharp pain on the back of his head.

“what the fuck…..” he mutters, his hand reaching to touch the back of his head.

He yanks his hand back and holds it close to his face after feeling some form of liquid on his hand.

As he sees the blood, his mind reels, memories of his final moments coming back to him. Before he can process, he hears a voice from behind him.

“Nam-su, is that you bro?”

“shit.” Nam-gyu knows that voice.

The man who never ceased to annoy him, who treated him like nothing more than dirt under his shoes. The man who for some strange, wicked reason, Nam-gyu still cared about.

“and he had the… “

Nam-gyu rushes to his feet, struggling to run to the source of the voice, tripping over his own feet, when he suddenly hits a solid surface.

He looks up, only to see that stupid fucking face grinning down at him.

“woah, didn’t know you missed me that much.”

Nam-gyu doesn’t pay attention, his hands grasping around, feeling for something that’s supposed to be around Thanos’ neck.

”fuck….where is it..” he mumbles, his hands rushing over every area that damn necklace could possibly be, memories still flooding back.

“that little cunt… he threw it.. I could’ve..” he looks around, eyes wild, and falls to the ground, taking Thanos down with him.

His entire body shakes, tears starting to form in his eyes. He feels pressure slowly enveloping him, quickly processing that its Thanos’ arms wrapping around him.

“you dirty piece of shit..get off me-!“ he exclaims, his voice cracking as he claws at Thanos’ arms, trying to push him away.

“Boy… calm down, it’s okay .” Thanos mutters, attempting to console the man currently thrashing around in his arms.

Namgyu mutters unintelligibly, slowly losing energy and fighting against the other man slightly less.

Eventually, he calms down and gives up after wearing himself out, resting in Thanos’ arms, a gentle feeling slowly washing over him at the warmth he had long been without.

…

“well,at least I’m not alone.”

Chapter Text

Thanos sighs, looking down at the now resting figure on top of him.

He looks over his body, which has a large gash wound over his back, complete with even more blood in his hair.

Thanos had come to realize a while ago that whatever had killed you stays with you in…whatever this place is, made obvious by the gaping holes in his own neck.

He looks over Nam-gyu’s resting figure, trying to figure out what could've done this to him.

Thanos sighs, looking down at the now resting figure on top of him. He looks over his body, which has a large gash wound over his back, complete with even more blood in his hair.Thanos had come to realize a while ago that whatever had killed you stays with you in…whatever this place is, made obvious by the gaping holes in his own neck.He looks over Nam-gyu’s resting figure, trying to figure out what could've done this to him. 

“It doesn’t seem deep enough for just the wound to have killed him… could he have fallen?” “or worse …” 

Thanos stops that thought before he can finish it. The Nam-gyu he knew wouldn’t do that. He’s nothing if he isn’t persistent.

 Snapping Thanos out of his contemplation, Nam-gyu stirs slightly, making Thanos notice his hand had been resting over the other man’s wound. He quickly pulls his hand away, feeling the all-too-familiar sensation of blood still lingering on it.

“shit, that must’ve hurt..”

Thanos knows the pain would probably fade from their wounds, though the cold blood might never dry, but he figures he shouldn’t be causing Nam-gyu any more pain in the state he’s already in.

Somehow, Thanos’ free hand had found its way into Nam-gyu’s hair, gently resting on his head.
He figured Nam-gyu is likely asleep right now, or isn’t able to feel much anyway, so he doesn’t move his hand.

Nam-gyu stirs a bit  from his rest again, blinking tiredly, but instead of swatting Thanos’ hand away, he moves himself closer to him, closing his eyes again.

Thanos looks down at the other man, not knowing how to react and slightly dumbfounded, he’s never seen Nam-gyu act anything like this.

“what happened?”

Chapter Text

Finally, Nam-gyu wakes up.

Stretching and drowsily looking up at Thanos, he realizes the position he’s in , and snaps awake, immediately sitting up, not separating the distance between them, but stopping whatever “laying-on-his-lap” thing he had been doing, hugging his knees to his chest.

Thanos looks over at him, a mildly concerned look on his face.

“You must’ve been pretty damn tired, huh?”

“shut it.” Nam-gyu replies, his hands shaking slightly, scratching at his wrist.

Thanos winces internally, a knot growing in his chest. He’s never heard Nam-gyu be so…blunt towards him.

“so…what wound you up here?” Thanos asks gently, trying not to elicit a strong reaction from Nam-gyu.

Nam-gyu scoffs. “Really? I don’t even know what ‘here’ is, much less what brought me here.”

Thanos crosses one leg over the other, propping his arm up on his knee, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“Okay, sorry. If you want an explanation, i think this is- god, it sounds so weird to say it out loud..an…afterlife?? I mean the last thing I remember is….y’know . So, it’s really the only explanation I could think of.”

Nam-gyu is silent after a while, his breathing starting to get slightly more rapid, seemingly thinking over what Thanos had said.

Thanos had seen the effects of drugs on people before, but how Nam-gyu was acting seemed different. It seemed almost like how he was before the drugs, close to the start of their second game. The shaky hands, the heavy breathing.

But if Thanos couldn’t get a reason for it out of Nam-gyu, he would only be able to speculate, probably coming up with worse answers than the truth.

After a while, Nam-gyu finally speaks up.

“Then, I guess, what sent me wherever we are is..dying in one of those fucked up games.”

Nam-gyu explains what happened, Thanos listening intently the whole time. Thanos moves his hands to hold Nam-gyu’s, noticing him scratching at his wrists as he speaks.

Nam-gyu jumps at the touch, but doesn’t pull away, finding the contact with him slightly comforting.

But he’d never admit that to Thanos.

“After all, he hates him, right?”

Chapter Text

After Nam-gyu finishes talking, they fall into an unusual silence, neither man knowing what to say, and obviously having a lot on his mind.

Nam-gyu eventually pulls away from Thanos, going back to hugging his own knees. He rests his head on his knees, staring off into the vast nothingness.

“Well, guess I didn’t win the games.”

He thinks to himself, scratching at his arms. His symptoms seem to have gotten a bit better since he…died, but he still has a pretty bad headache, and he’s still shaky.

Nam-gyu clenches his hand into a fist, attempting to stop himself from shaking, and lies his head down on his knees.

His thoughts eventually trail to Thanos, who seemed to be the only other person here.

He thinks over Thanos’ actions in the past minutes, or..hours? He wouldn’t know either way.

Thanos had been more noticeably kind towards him, which Nam-gyu wasn’t used to, considering he remembered Thanos damn near neglecting him.

He hates to admit it, but this is the nicest he’s been treated by anyone for a long while…

Nam-gyu sighs softly, starting to doubt himself. Was he too caught up in Thanos interacting with other players to notice he did really care about him? Was he too harsh on him? Did Nam-gyu just completely miss all of this?

A final, strange thought about the situation comes over him.

Could I have had a chance to be with him?

Nam-gyu pushes down the thought. Where had that even come from?

Sure, Thanos isn’t the worst person he’s met, despite everything Nam-gyu says,

After Nam-gyu finishes talking, they fall into an unusual silence, neither man knowing what to say, and obviously having a lot on his mind.

Nam-gyu eventually pulls away from Thanos, going back to hugging his own knees.

He rests his head on his knees, staring off into the vast nothingness.

“Well, guess I didn’t win the games.”

He thinks to himself, scratching at his arms. His symptoms seem to have gotten a bit better since he…died, but he still has a pretty bad headache, and he’s still shaky.

Nam-gyu clenches his hand into a fist trying to stop himself from shaking, and lies his head down on his knees.

His thoughts eventually trail to Thanos, who seemed to be the only other person here.

He thinks over Thanos’ actions in the past minutes, or..hours? He wouldn’t know.

Thanos had been more noticeably kind towards him, which Nam-gyu wasn’t used to, considering he remembered Thanos damn near neglecting him.

 He hates to admit it, but this is the nicest he’s been treated by anyone for a long while.

Nam-gyu sighs softly, starting to doubt himself. 

Was he too caught up in Thanos interacting with other players to notice he did really care about him? Was he too harsh on him? Did Nam-gyu just completely miss all of this?

A final, strange thought about the situation comes over him. 

Could I have had a chance to be with him?

Nam-gyu pushes down the thought. Where had that even come from?

Sure, Thanos isn’t the worst person he’s met, despite everything Nam-gyu says, he isn’t truly that unbearable, he can be sweet when he wants to, and…he’s kinda pretty too.

“But that doesn’t mean anything.”

Nam-gyu sighs again, closing his eyes. He shouldn’t be thinking about this in the situation he’s in anyways.

Chapter Text

Thanos lets out a small sigh as they both fall silent, feeling Nam-gyu's hands pull away from his own.

He thinks about the story that Nam-gyu had told him, he didn’t really believe that Min-su could’ve done that, the shy kid that he remembered. But, he guessed being in a place like that could change someone.

He decides not to worry further about that, seeing as he may never see Min-su again anyways. A tight feeling remains in his chest though, as he stares over at the black-haired man next to him.

He’s noticed Nam-gyu being a lot more distant and cold toward him since he got here.

As much as he hates to admit it, it hurts.

He was used to Nam-gyu always being by his side, clinging onto him, and Thanos had honestly enjoyed that. He wasn’t completely sure what happened.

He thinks over his time spent with Nam-gyu,thinking of what could’ve caused this. Maybe he wasn’t paying enough attention to him? He had forgotten his name a few times, though he’d started calling him Nam-su as a joke after a while.

Thanos hopes Nam-gyu wouldn’t hate him too much, despite the way he’d sometimes acted. The truth was, he cared a lot about Nam-gyu, more than anyone else he’d met in the games. Whether it was in a “friend” way or… another way that Thanos didn’t want to think about —He’s pretty sure that could never happen anyways— Thanos had grown to love him.
It pained him to think actions he had never noticed had hurt the other man.

He stares over at Nam-gyu once again, seeing the way he curled into himself, looking so small, like an animal cornered.

“I never meant to hurt you…”

Chapter Text

After a while in the uncomfortable silence, Thanos speaks, his voice cracking slightly.

“Nam-gyu?”

Thanos says softly.

Nam-gyu lifts his head up.

“Hm? Didn’t know you knew my real name.”

Nam-gyu says, attempting to stay cold towards Thanos, but he feels conflicted now that he’s thought it over, and a hint of warmth slips into his voice despite himself.

Thanos stays silent for a while, before finally speaking again.

“…I’m sorry.”

Nam-gyu looks over at him, dumbfounded by the softness in his voice. He doesn’t respond for a while, processing.

Somehow, though he isn’t completely sure what Thanos is apologizing for, he feels comfort wash over him at those words. Words with care, words without any emptiness left in them.

“I’m sorry too.”

He finally says, in a much gentler voice than he had been using before.

Thanos nods, noticing how much of Nam-gyu's nervousness had toned down. Instead of an awkward, tight silence between the two of them, with too many words left unsaid, the silence shifts to something calmer, with only a few words.

Nam-gyu eventually moves closer to Thanos, pulling him into a gentle hug. Thanos smiles softly, the first hint of a positive sensation he’s had in a while as he hugs him back.

Somehow, they both can feel a warmth from the hug, even without blood circulating through their veins. Neither of them pull away, eyes closing in comfort, something hardly received by either man. Though there are still many things left unsaid, it’s as if they don’t have to say them anymore, an understanding held in the warmth created between the two.

If this is how they can spend whatever’s left of their lives, they’ll be okay.