Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Dad is a filthy betrayer! I've had enough. Nobody in this house cares about my true feelings. Farewell (sarabada*) to NO FREEDOM in the Yorozuya and the days of wild abandon!"

Shusetsu finishes reading the short message, completely emotionless, then a vein pops out on his forehead under his messy natural-curly front bangs.

"The hell was she thinking writing this inexplicable meaningless shi...thing! What do you mean sarabada?! And why the hell'd a girl use such an outdated farewell phrase in a runaway note!!!" He crumples the note into a ball in rage and throws it with his full strength at the man who lies beside where he stands. The man lying on the ground is still asleep with the quilt in his arms, half of his body rolled out of the futon, and is wearing only a pair of boxers, drooling.

"Hey, seriously are you listening or not?"

"Ah~ Honey~ Didn't we agree not to use violence in front of the kids already..." The man who got hit on the head just slightly groans in response, and pulls the quilt over to cover his head that is full of whitish-silver natural curls, "I'll get up soon, in a moment, just five minutes..."

Filthy betrayer.

The natural curls inherited from the filthy betrayer on Shusetsu's head now have all puffed up in annoyance and fury, to the degree that the originally soft, fluffy curls are standing up straight and sticking out in every direction, making his head look like a inflated pufferfish.

"Wake up! Sakata Gintoki!" Without any hesitation, He mercilessly delivers a kick right on the strawberry boxers that only cover half of the man's butt.

"Shut up!! FIVE MINUTES!!! I only ask for another five minutes and you won't let me rest for even just five minutes?! Are there still freedom, equality, justice and lawfulness in this fucking house?! And who gave you the courage to call me by my full name you stinky lil brat yet without hair on your balls! I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Gintoki finally rises up in rage from his previous state, which was hiding like an ostrich. When was the last time he beat this little son of a b...astard to teach him a lesson? Such disrespectful and aggressive attitude towards his own precious father.

"From Mom and you." Sakata Shusetsu just walks over and picks up the paper ball that he threw and rolled away a few seconds ago, completely ignoring the furious murderous intent behind him. He knows well that his father's wake-up grumpiness will dissipate in less than a paragraph. No matter how threatening the words sound, once you realize they're from an almost-unemployed, unshaven ossan in his early forties who still wears pink strawberry boxers and sleeps until 10:30 in the morning, those words just become completely ineffective and lame.

"So fucking annoying... Ah- I knew I should have listened to Shinpachi's advice and got the vasectomy thing done." Gintoki sits up and yawns, then pushes aside the quilt from his arms. "Why is it me that became your father? Such misfortune that I'm shortening my life range every day... What is this?"

He uncovers the wrinkled paper Shusetsu just slapped on his face.

"A declaration of running away from home. Not mine."

Shusetsu has already passed through the washitsu* and entered the bathroom next to it, closing the door.

"Huh?..." Gintoki's head begins to hurt now. Not a migraine caused by hangover. He had stopped drinking years ago, just to raise these two life-sucking rascals.

Rubbing his eyes and wiping off the saliva, he concentrates a little and begins to read the words on the paper himself.

--Filthy betrayer?? Where the fuck did she learn such dirty words? The hell have I done to receive such words?! And since when did Gin-san become a betrayer... And what the hell is sarabada at the beginning of a sentence? It should be saraba, right? And what is this out-of-logic reference from?? Was she watching Porco Rosso recently?...

"For god's sake you haughty little... what are you trying to mess around again this time..." Gintoki throws the note on the ground just like Shusetsu did earlier. Feeling vexed, he reaches one hand into his hair and scratches irritably, making the natural curls that were already messy like a bird's nest even messier. But soon, he begins to worry about something else.

She didn't... see it, did she? Although it is said that children nowadays generally enter puberty much earlier than before, isn't it still... a bit too early? To start sex education at the age of 10... Uh, why such a hurry in such a hassle.

Come on, that girl is the fearless "Dia" who came out from his silver balls (which had been through so many torments and had such a rough life)! Gintoki's frantic hand stops and drops down. He pokes one elbow on his thigh to support the hand on his cheek.

When did she leave?... During nighttime? Did she do her braid? And not forget to bring the key and some money?

Gintoki exhales, reluctantly and heavily from nostrils, then closes his eyes. His head hurts so much now. Such a hassle to have kids of your own.

"You didn't fall asleep again, did you?" Shusetsu opens up the door. He has finished tidying up himself.

"The hell I would after knowing this." Gintoki pulls out his pajamas from under the quilt and puts them on. "Who else had seen this thing--"

"--I didn't tell Mom," Shusetsu interrupts him, "so you'd better find Hio back before she finds out. I'm all counting on you, captain." He passes by Gintoki and pats him on the shoulder.

"Hey! Don't tell me that you feel completely unburdened as a sibling, first mate?" Gintoki stands up and follows him out to the empty public area. It was the place where Yorozuya treated their clients when there was a business, and a living room when there was no business. After the twins were born, part of the space was divided and renovated into a children's bedroom; since then the whole room had become much smaller than before.

"I found it here at 5am when heading to the bathroom." Shusetsu points at a typical spot in front of him and Hio's room, "The note was already crumpled up and thrown on the ground. It felt too deliberate."

"Nah, maybe she just wanted to throw it away, but didn't want to turn on the lights or go to the trash can, so she just dropped it." Gintoki looks up to the child bunk bed through the open room, the quilt on the top bunk is still unfolded. Lazy little girl, despite that indifferent attitude and the silvery natural curls, how could she also have inherited those private characteristics that he absolutely doesn't want to share with others. Well, maybe except MADAO and the old dude who looks like Musashi.

"Oh now what shall I do, Mom? *sniff..." He leans on his son dramatically, pretending to be aggrieved, then covers his face with his palms and cries, "Dia has become this rebellious at this young age, ran away from home and became a chinpira*... Uh, such family misfortune! *sniff *sniff..."

"Here you go." Shusetsu has already taken out Gintoki's cell phone and dialed their mother's number, then stuffs the phone to their father's hand, who immediately gives up the false cry.

Sakata Gintoki finally shows a trace of panic on his face. He snatches the phone and hangs up the call that's still waiting to be answered (the number labeled "honey"). The next second he turns off the phone.

"Hey!! Didn't you agree with me to keep that a secret from Mom, Block!!? Do you want to see your own father being threaded into a human kebab that bad?!" Gintoki has felt cold sweat all over his body, that he grabs his son's shoulders and starts shaking him back and forth."A-a-anyway, let's calm down and think of a so-solution first..."

"It's only you who needs to calm down, Dad." Shusetsu pulls his father's hands off but does not just let go. Instead he holds one of them gently with his own.

Although Dad's sweaty hand is a little disgusting, he can feel that Gintoki is really shaking.

"Oh, is that so... Well since it's come down to this already, why not help me get some strawberry milk first--" "--It's already half past ten, Dad." Shusetsu changes his mind. He lets go of Gintoki's hand and starts to wipe away the cold sweat on his pajamas with a look of disgust.

"Eh?! Then is it really not a problem for you to be absent from the book house?"

"It's Saturday today."

At the same time, the public telephone placed on the corner of Gintoki's desk starts ringing, ending the incoherent conversation between the Sakata father and son.

Gintoki hurries over and grabs the receiver: "Hello, Yorozuya Gin-chan."

"Oh, it's Gintoki! Good. I was thinking it'd be better to tell you... Anyway, you should come over first." The hoarse voice of the old inventor Hiraga Gengai came out. "Big trouble now, it's your little girl. She really is..."

"... a total troublemaker just like you." Shusetsu is now leaning against the desk, shakes his head and says in unison with Gengai on the phone.

Chapter Text

Let's go back to 5:30 am. The sun hasn't risen yet, and by the horizon it's just beginning to show a glimmer of light. In Edo, the late-spring-early-summer morning is still chilly, but the sakura trees along the streets and in family courtyards are already blooming, decorating the city with pale pink clouds of blossoms from here to there.

On such streets of Kabuki-cho that strewn with sakura petals, a girl in a green suikan* is running, to the direction of Yorozuya.

Who'd thought that Gengai-an (or Karakuri-dou as they called) was a garbage dump 12 years ago… The little girl thinks dejectedly. Although her clothes still look clean, seemingly not stained by the trash, she can still feel a foul smell around her, reeks of garbage.

Ah, better hurry home, take a shower, and change the clothes then.

No, wait. What the hell is she expecting with such a carefree mind?

Now it's 12 years ago, you fool! She wasn't even born yet at this timeline! As a result, there wouldn't have any clothes of her own at home, right? Were her parents married then? Or were they just acquaintances? Hio wonders. She wants to find someone and ask. But according to the time-travel rules, she shall not speak to anyone whom belongs to this timeline about the future, or else, uh, what is that phenomenon called? It would change the future.

Sakata Hio pouts and slows down. She looks up at the two-story wooden building-- she has arrived at the front of Otose Snackbar, and above that, the Yorozuya, with no big changes even after over a decade. By the railing of the second floor there hangs the familiar yet less faded signboard, written with black lettering on a white background and framed in dark blue: Yorozuya Gin-chan.

If Dad hasn't become her dad yet, then is her home still her home?

Uh... so complicated and troublesome. She can't figure it out. Hio looks down on the ground. Should've picked the sneakers instead of this pair of delicately embroidered creepers. They were her favorite, but maybe not anymore now. Her toes and heels hurt.

"Just why did I run away from home?..." She tries to recall the reason for those furious thoughts and the determination she made before bed, but the memory of both the mood at that time and the note she wrote had vanished, gone with the time... She couldn't remember anything, only being mad at Dad.

Will anyone notice she had run away? Will anyone know she secretly used a time machine?

Most importantly, will anyone come and look for her?

Hio suddenly feels fear taking over her entire body and mind. Terrified. This is awful.

What if, just what if, what if she can't go back to when she belongs??

Oi, what are you still standing there for? Come up already!... What, do you want me to carry you upstairs? I don't remember spoiling you like this while raising you up--

How Hio wishes that fantasy could become reality. She looks up, sighting the second-floor railing again, hoping that a familiar figure would appear, would notice her standing alone on the deserted, desolate street below, and shout at her to come home.

Then, under the still hazy sky, a silhouette appears by the railing. Hio's eyes widen in surprise--

Her wish has become true!!! IT'S HER DAD!!!!!! Dad has appeared and--

The man with a head full of whitish-silver natural curling hair looks like he's in pain, hunching over the railing, not exactly as how she pictured just then. Then he opens his mouth:

"Ugh, blarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh—"

Hio instantly freezes after only taking two steps forward.

Oh. So that was how that disgusting stain on the "Gin" character came from.

After that one hell abomination of regurgitation, with mosaic hanging down like a waterfall for a few seconds onto the first-floor eaves, the man collapsed, lying on the railing, motionless.

Hio climbs up to the second floor, enduring the stench of alcohol and vomit, quietly approaches his side.

The previously faint light of dawn is growing brighter. It casts a shimmering lining on his unruly curls.

Hio stays silent, carefully observes this Sakata Gintoki who hadn't yet become her biological father.

Remembering when your father I really decided to quit drinking? It took one freaking hell of tremendous determination and countless effort...probably the hardest challenge I've ever taken... Oh no no no no, the hardest one might still be marrying your mother. Well despite her tsundere manner, she was indeed very popular back in the days, but still couldn't compare to Gin-san hahahaha-AH!!!...

His hair is this short back in the days, and his clothes are sloppy, giving off a strangely vibe that she cannot tell if he is cold or hot. Maybe half-half?

Slovenly, still. Hio sighs inwardly and turns around. She pulls out a key.

What had attracted Mom to this guy?

She fumbles around the doorframe for a while, only unable to find the keyhole, but soon figures out that at some point in the past there might not have been locks for Yorozuya. Hio awkwardly puts the key away, and gently slides the door open.

A pair of small shoes made of plain black cloth lay by stair at the entrance.

"...Aunt Kagura!" she whispered in surprise and joy. "Tada-ima*...me and Dad-oh no, Gin-san's back."

It took her quite some struggle to pull the drunken, half-asleep man down the railing, but carrying him indoor was easy.

So light, Dad. Hio thinks. He looks so tall and strong, however, is underweight.

Gintoki leaning against her murmurs something unconsciously, as if he's echoing her thoughts.

Hio brings him inside the house, then slides the door close with her foot. Very slowly and quietly, she lowers him down on the wooden floor, laying him flat on his back by the entrance.

There is a closet room to the right of the door, it was once Aunt Kagura's bedroom when she lived in Yorozuya. Hio removes her shoes and places them neatly by the stair. She then comes forward, crouches over and slides the closet door open a little. Her ability to move and act in silence is something she's very proud of.

A soft, continuous snore slips out the closet room. In the dark, Hio can vaguely see the back of a head with some pinkish-orange hair pouring down on the pillow, peeking out from the quilt, which covers the body, rising and falling slightly with it by each breath.

Hio smiles and slides close the closet door.

Abruptly, she detects a razor-sharp, almost murderous gaze from behind.

She can almost feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

"Put up your handsp and turn around slowly." Sakata Gintoki has already sat up, leaning against the wall, holding his wooden sword Touyako in his right hand, and points it directly at the back of her head. "You've come to the wrong place for stealing."

Although his tone is serious, his drunken lisp reduces much of her momentary fear. Hio obediently raises her hands and slowly turns around as was told. The blunt, unbladed, almost smooth tip of Touyako jabs against her cheek.

Daylight is gradually growing.

"Oi oi, why can't kids these days learn to be well and just screw around instead of committing crime? Stealing wallets or burglarizing houses? ...Gimme a rest already! I've had enough of that."

Gintoki sounds disappointed. He has dropped his arm, using Touyako to support himself and tumbles to his feet, then adroitly tucks it back into his belt. "By the way whose kid are you? You look a bit familiar... And your natural curls, those are even curlier than mine! Truly formidable for the younger generation..."

Hio remains crouched sideways, not moving her body at all. This man is indeed her father! Though he's still a bit scruffy, and beardless, and drunk, and just vomited profusely like a water hose by the door of his own house, his eyes, his voice, and his languid manner of speech are all unmistakably suggesting he is the man she always knows: Sakata Gintoki.

Now Hio feels like crying. She wants to apologize for running away from home just over some tiny strife that she herself can't even remember. But she can't tell those future things to this "Dad" in the front of her.

"...Anyway, you better return home now, okay? If your mom finds you missing, she'll probably cry or you will get beaten."

Gintoki has kicked off his boots. He waves toward the direction of door and starts to walk inside.

"...There's nowhere for me to go back to," she squeezed out a lie, blushing. But was that really a lie? There is no time machine at this timeline-- she truly can't go back now.

Yorozuya is not her home anymore. And Sakata Hio is just an aberrant existence that doesn't belong to this timeline. A foreign entity.

The fading sound of footsteps stops.

"Excuse me, but could you please take me in temporarily?"

She pleds with little hope and all of her courage.

"..."

"Please! I... I have money. I can pay the rent. It's not much..." Hio approaches the suggestion hesitantly. "I can work too! This is Yorozuya, right?"

Huh? Yeah, Yorozuya Gin-chan, we work as jack-of-all-trades. No no no no! Not a jackoff-all-trades! Where the fuck did you hear that from?!

The sound of her father griping on the phone once answering a client's call echoed in her ears.

"Ohhh, come on..." The shuffling footsteps returns.

"This place ain't an orphanage, you know?"

"Look at you, whose kid wears this conflicting tacky and trendy clothes? And this weird outfit? And the way you said you have money? ...Are you toots actually a runaway spoiled brat from some rich or noble family?"

"If whom you ran into was a human trafficker, your life would be over."

Gintoki staggers back. Then he sees that she is still crouching down by the entrance, only hands down and holding herself now. He comes closer, mirrors her posture and scooches down, but loses his balance due to drunkenness and falls flat on his buttocks. He doesn't really care tho, just simply sits down instead with his legs crossed, and pulls away Touyako that is now a bit uncomfortable around his waist, tossing it aside.

"Let me be clear, first, Gin-san I don't hire children for labor. Second, even if I do, I don't have more money for wage. Third and last, if rumors spread that I'm secretly raising a loli, I'd be hunted down by those tax thieves and female mountain gorillas as a lolicon pedo... So, considering all those potential hassle, would your highness please just go home and spare my life?"

Gintoki pauses and closes his eyes. He doesn't want to see a female shed tears, including little girls. Despite the alcohol he'd been drowning himself in all night, his head is unusually clear at the moment. Was it because he just realized that little girls were harder to appease than women?

Gintoki breathes out, and continues: "Well, if you live in or around Edo, I may still able to sent you back myself; but if your home's somewhere too far away, like maybe Okinawa, Hokkaido, Hawaii, or Rio de Janeiro, I'll have to wait until dawn to take you to that damned police station and ask those worthless idiots to give you a ride. Don't misunderstand that! It's not that I'm stingy or selfish and don't want to take you in, Gin-san just simply don't have more money or energy to care for a third child now. So be a good girl, don't cry, and don't crouch by the doorstep crying like I'm kicking you out..."

"I'm not crying."

He opens his eyes. The little girl with that silverish natural curly hair frowns, her eyes are red now. Though she has no tears falling down her cheeks, her nose is about to drip down some snivel. Sensing the gaze from his side, she stubbornly lowers her head, hunches over more and buries her face between her knees, like a kitten curling up in a cold weather.

Her appearance reminds Gintoki of someone and something he once said to her at some point. In that cold, dark, empty room with nothing but dust and sticky spiderwebs.

Damn it. Why is he thinking about those things at such a peculiar moment... Gintoki scratches the hair at the back of his neck, a bit anxiously. It's not even daylight yet, and unlike 7-11 or those gas station convenient stores, Yorozuya doesn't run 24/7 and isn't open yet. But...

He resists the urge to say more and starts to observe her more carefully. She is in defense position in the monster card zone now, letting out a sniff or two sometimes. The silver curly hair really does look like his, even more than that still-milk-suckling brat* (what was his name again?) from that infamous Infant Strife Arc years ago. It's more in gray, maybe duller than his whitish-silver color, yet shiny, and the hair volume is fluffy to a satisfying level. But somehow she chose a weird hairstyle, growing one side longer on the right and braided the hair into a small three-strand pigtail topped with a frilly bow and a bunch of shiny ornament pieces... Eh? Wait, is that a Dragon Ball on the rubber band by the end of the braid? It's a Dragon Ball, isn't it?! It's small but it IS a Dragon Ball, right??! And it looks like a four-star ball... The fuck's with that dressing interest?!? Who do you think you are?? Gohan?!?? But Gohan is a boy, right? Gosh...could this kid have some perverted cross-dressing hobby already at this young age? Then could she actually be Zura's child... Gintoki shakes his head violently. No, impossible. The girl looks like she's about 10, if that's true then it was during the time them still busy fighting the Joui wars. That couldn't be possible. Besides, Zura has the worst shooting technique amongst them, not only sluggish but also low accuracy as hell... Okay, okay, stop overthinking about it now! The longer the silence goes on the more awkward it gets! If this goes on, the morning broadcast of Chibi Maruko-chan on TOS* will be over soon-- wait, that's it. Why not just let her watch some TV shows and rest, and then take her to the police station later? But do kids still watch Chibi Maruko-chan these days? It should be suitable since this is a girl, right?

"Ahem," Gintoki clears his throat and gathers his wild ass thoughts. "I didn't mean to kick you out earlier, so stop crying."

"Yorozuya isn't the Room of Requirement* that grants every request, but we do our best to help clients. You can rest in the living room until it's fully daytime."

The curled-up, natural curly kitty finally raises her head, with a gorgeous silver thread of snot escaping from her nose to her knees. Gintoki exhales out a sigh of relief, hands supporting onto the floor to stand up, then reaches out to where Touyako was left-- he had previously tossed it away to the foot of the wall.

"Go and wipe your nose now, there's some tissue on the tea table. If you want to watch TV, keep the volume down. My employee here gets grumpy when she's waken up by noise..." He pointes to the closed closet door on the right. "Kitchen is on the left side. Go get something to eat if you're hungry. Strawberry milk is fine, but don't take the pudding on the second level!"

Finishing that, Gintoki begins to walk back inside along the hallway. Involuntarily, he turns back to see why the runny-nosed natural curly kitty chan hasn't made a sound, but in next second he is pounced upon, crashing to the floor for a second time.

"Ow, ow, ouch-- what are you doing you little brat!?! Don't get too cocky! No matter how handsome Gin-san is, it's too early for a chit of a girl like you to fall for! Hey! Don't wipe your nose on me!! Are you listening?!" Gintoki is already starting to wonder if this kid is the offspring of some perverted glasses stalker--

"*sniff... Daddy... I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Hio no longer cares about the time-travel rules now. Screw those rules, this man IS her father. No matter if he's 12 years younger now, or he stinks of alcohol at the moment and makes one want to puke, or he doesn't have a cool mustache (huh?) or slicked-back hair (wait what?), or takes off his eyepatch at the beginning of every ring match, sticks his pinky in the air with the microphone and yells "Gundam fight, ready go!"* (Hey, wait wait wait, whose dad is this?!?), he's still her father! She's just a normal ten-year-old who made a mistake, she can be forgiven after she apologizes, right? Right, Dad?

"Wait, wait, who are you calling Dad?!" If Gintoki was only about 80% sober before this, now he's completely out of alcohol influence, 100%, no, 1000‰.

Well, the plot of an illegitimate child had already been used by the gorilla once, so using it again won't have the same shocking and hilarious effect as the first time! That's the dullest trick in anime! What? you said it's a fanfic so it's okay? Get out of town you dork 694MonHun (author: It's 6H4M9)!!! Why don't you go grab some shit and shut your big mouth?! Mufukin...ah, farewell, Gin-san's innocence--

"W A I T!! Oi! I said wait! Listen-just listen to me for a second would ya?! First stop rubbing your snot on me and-- no wait, who the hell's your dad?!!!"

Chapter Text

Okay, let's just pause for a moment. It's 5:48 am now on a Saturday morning, only 11 minutes before Chibi Maruko-chan ends on the weekly broadcast on TOS. Eh? You ask why Edo TV sets are capable of receiving TOS channels? Who the fuck knows and who cares? That's not important! What's important RIGHT NOW is that the protagonist of Gintama, Sakata Gintoki (single), born on October 10th and currently aged 27, 5'10'' in height and 143 lbs in weight, whose upper shirt is now stained with a brat's snot spread allover! And the owner of snot, the troublemaker, just called him "Dad"!!!

"Let go! Let me go! Do you hear me! HA☆NA☆SEEEEEE*-- "

Gintoki desperately struggles to pull away the curly-haired snoting girl from him, but she clings to him as if she is an organ grown on his body! Oh shit… Now he feels an uneasiness grumbling and groaning from his stomach, a burning acidic taste is rising, and what's worse, the closed closet door is now violently pushed open:

“Gya-gya-gya-gya the HELL ARE YA BEING SO NOISY ABOUT HUH?!!!! I can't even SLEEP!!! I don't care if it's a talk show or a soap opera rehearsal, get the hell back to your OWN room YOU ASSHOLE!!!”

The Yorozuya employee named Kagura who was woken up by the noise, irritably bursts through the door and delivers a kick landing right on her boss aka Earth’s temporary guardian in the face, whom instantly pukes out like a bottle of coke that had been shaken too much (SFX: *coca-cola espuma~), except that what comes out of him isn’t some fizzy drinkable foam.

“Look at you! Drunk to this wasted half-dead again and not coming back till dawn! Mommy has worked me ass off to raise you and this is how you thanked me??! Just when'd you stop embarrassing me you unemployed money-wasting curly loser!?” Kagura rubs the foot that hit Gintoki against the hem of his kimono in disdain, pinching her nose and finishes yelling at him, whom now lies half-conscious on the floor, with his face half-down in his own vomit. But then, she notices the little snot-wiping pendant hung on her boss's waist.

"Wha...? Wow! What a cute little kid! On a second thought you look quite like Gin-chan!" Kagura leans over still with her nose pinched. "There, there, come over here to big sis Gura~ Don't stay with that good-for-nothing ossan. You'll catch his stink."

"Dad...?" Hio finally rises her head and releases her arms around Gintoki, a little scared, pokes the half-dead body on the floor.

"Huh? DAD? Seriously?!"

Kagura is in astonishment now. She immediately picks Hio up and jumps back away from Gintoki, as if she's trying to avoid some radioactive contamination source.

"*Tsk, had you tarnished some poor girl's innocence out there again? You rancid, smelly, useless dirty bastard!" She spits on Gintoki's face-- who just regained some senses and tries to get up-- yet again sends him back to unconsciousness on the floor. "Rotten from the inside out! Stink like a dead fish! I'm calling Shinpachi and have him scold you together!"

"Aun-Sister Kagura," Hio whispers, suggesting Kagura to put her down. So this was how Dad and Aunt Kagura got along in the past. It hasn't changed at all.

"Eh? How do you know my name? Do we know each other?" Kagura puts her down, her curious eyes widen. She soon begins to scrutinize Hio's appearance in the dim hallway: "Hmmmm...the curly hair does look a lot like Gin-chan, it's not a wig plucked from Gin-chan's permhead, is it? And the dead-fish eyes too... but your eye color is different. And much bigger than Gin-chan's tiny tiny tiny red-beany eyes! Must be away from the hopeless hell of the Uji Catfood Jigoku Don*, right? But just looking at your face, you look more like--"

"--Stop kidding me for damn's sake!!" Gintoki interrupts once he regains consciousness for the 3rd time. "Why did you immediately accept the assumption that she's my child?! Huh?!" He has already climbed to his feet and now is wiping the vomit from his hand onto his clothes, then wiping his face with the right sleeve, which the side of clothes is hanging down from waist. Screw it, now he really wants to take a shower to get off the smell. As for laundry he'll call Shinpachi to do it later.

"Hmm? Well, this kiddie seems to know me, and how would such a cute little girl lie? Hadn't Gin-chan yourself said in the title of the first lesson/episode? That 'there are no bad people among those who have natural curls' or something like that..."

"Oi oi, don't get me wrong, I'm asking why you're so easily convinced this kid is related to me! Seriously, are you still asleep? Gin-san and his comrades were still on the battlefield a decade ago! Those were exhausting days-- so lethal that in a single moment of distraction your dick or balls could be chopped off at any time! And how could we have the time and energy to fuck around under such a condition of absolute death?! Only in those fucking dreams! We didn't even have enough time to take a shit!... You lucky kids of younger generation who hadn't experienced the ravages of war would never understand... Hey! Are you listening to me or not?!"

Apparently not. Kagura is already leading Hio to the left side of entrance.

"...Your clothes are already stained with Madao's stench, so let's change out and take a nice shower-- I can lend you some clothes! You can take any pieces you want! Hey, and by the way, what's your name?"

"Thank you, Sis Kagura... My name is--"

*Thud. The bathroom door is slid open then shut, cutting off their voices.

The apparently ignored Sakata Gintoki now is seething with rage. All of a sudden, he reaches out and smashes open the dimensional wall, dragging out the author 6H4M9: "Oi. You son of a bitch 694MonHun, do you want this lousy pulp fanfiction to be cut and ended right here right now, HUH?"

"Don't be mad Gin-san, isn't this better than being constipated? And it's 6H4M9, not 694MonHun, and my mother is not a dog," the alien humanoid quibbles, hardly able to hide its smile.

"You mean you want to die huh? 964HoMo?" Gintoki thrusts two fingers upward into its nostrils, ready to throw 6H4M9 over the shoulder. "Are we familiar?! I don't think you are close enough to call me Gin-san!"

"Threats won't work on me, Gin-san. And it's 6H4M9 not homo. Although my pronouns are it/its, I'm considered heterosexual in this planet's culture."

"6H4M9? So the thing whose name looks like a Steam verification code turns out to be an Amanto?" Gintoki lets go of the author-- who has a yee-yee-ass haircut and whose art style resembles much of Beavis and Butt-Head-- with disinterest: "Now speak, what the hell are you trying to mess around this time? Gintama is not Kasou Taishou* and can't just make up some blood-related OC children out of thin air-- "

"Well, you may consider that the selling point of this fanfic; otherwise it wouldn't attract readers on the modern internet."

"Uh, you're joking... just of which outdated remote countryside of the universe do you come from? In this day and age, writing fanfiction this incoherent won't attract any readers! No matter if you have the face of Ketsuno Ana and the body of Scarlett Johansson, or you're a pole-dancing female gorilla that has shaved down even her butt hair, it won't have any attraction to the opposite sex, understand? The same principle suits for every clout chasing promotion online including fanfiction. And the theme of a new generation is so old with so many recent examples of failures already... Do you think you still live in 20 years ago?"

"It doesn't matter. The whole point of a fanfiction is to write whatever you want, isn't it?" 6H4M9 has removed the vomit from the canvas layer, then re-sketched and re-colored Gintoki's hair and face of his right side, like a makeup artist retouching an actor's makeup. "You know, I just can't stand the fact that you're already this old and still don't have a partner, offspring or stable physical and mental health."

"And speak from someone who's younger than Gin-san and who is also forcing me to go on blind dates... you damn bold one. You know you are not General Kenobi, do you?" Gintoki's mouth corners drop down. He walks to the left as well, enters the kitchen and starts searching in the fridge for some strawberry milk. He lets the author hide his regular clothes canvas layer and reveal his light green pajamas layer. During the slight moment of nudity, however, there is neither mosaic nor anything explicit shown because the author was too lazy to draw Gin-san's Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, not even the ass creek, the entire crotch is blank, and somehow Gintoki is not mad at this.

"Nah, I'm just some hungry cp fans fueling up my ship. It's the same thing you guys did when you snuck into Hemorrhoid Zenzou's house late at night to make fried rice. So please, spend some time with Hio-chan. She'll leave and return to when she belongs soon." 6H4M9 takes a glance at the messily-stuffed fridge, then decides to move the canvas layer that has the strawberry milk to the top. "Here you are. Ah, it's expired. No big deal, I'll just change the expiration date."

"Thanks 'bout that." Gintoki reaches for the milk carton. "And remind Shinpachi to do the laundry, will you?"

"Tell that to Pattsuan yourself, Gin-san."

"Tsk, it's just another trivial thing so why won't you help me with that too? Okay whatever, I get it... One last question, this worldview doesn't have some weird setting such as omegaverse or homosexual childbirth, right? Gin-san didn't drink some weird sleeping aid, get fucked into a creampie, and have a child pop out of his ass, right?" He smiles a bit anxiously and much awkwardly, rubbing his anus with a hint of fear, which had been destroyed carelessly for multiple times in both the manga and anime, but currently doesn't exist on the canvas for the same reason as the other private parts of his crotch.

"Ah of course, no worries. Although we haven't gone into revealing the other half-- whom is someone you know-- of your ship yet, this fanfic is for normal heterosexual relationship, while Gin-san is the normal dominant side. And since I've studied gross anatomy in college, I can confidently ensure you that those rectal orgasms in pornos don't exist in reality. The mucous membrane above the pectinate line is innervated by autonomic nervous system and is hence insensitive to sensation. This is also the scientific explanation for why Gin-san you didn't faint from the pain when you were stabbed by the sword Amanto into rectum in the Excalibur Arc, if it wasn't for the gorilla being too lazy to explain. After all, I'm a serious materialist who enjoys rambling." 6H4M9 now is passing across the hole in the dimensional wall that Gintoki previously punched through. "Well, you know, there were still successful new generation sequels 20 years ago or older, like Getter Robo Arc-- and what I wanna do is to just create some oc children. It doesn't matter there's no popularity whatsoever. This is not even official or canon sequel, so the gorilla won't care, and the audience won't either, for most of them won't even know this exists; so don't worry too much."

"Heh, speak from one who is not suddenly burdened with responsibility for a daughter coming out of nowhere. All this trouble just for a sudden spark of idea... you people are the real troublemakers." Gintoki's face draws long as he watches the hole in the dimensional wall slowly disappear. He returns his gaze to the strawberry milk carton in his hand, slightly shakes the carton, and drinks up the rest all in one gulp. "Sure. Fine. Whatever. Who cares."

"Gin-chan, what are you mumbling about at the door?" Kagura just stepped out the bathroom. She passes by Gintoki to return to the closet room to get some of her clothes.

"Nothing big. The alien humanoid typing on the Word document just came over and kept nagging me. Can you believe that it said it's no big deal if you got something stuck in your butt?" Gintoki throws away the empty strawberry milk carton into the trash bin. "And showing off those nonsense. Who care? And who does that thing think it is? There are things better not to say out loud, bringing it all out at once would just break the mood recklessly. No wonder that thing is so unbearable and has no friends--"

"Gin-chan, casually judging on someone's education and social status is rude. Even I know that..." Kagura finds out a smaller set of pajamas and runs across the kitchen again. "Next time when 694MonHun-san visits, remind me too. I want them to draw me some saki ika* for snack."

"It's ruder to call someone by a wrong name," Gintoki follows her into the bathroom. He turns on the faucet at the sink, gathers some water in his mouthwash cup and begins to brush his teeth. Ignoring him, Kagura goes forward to the smaller door that separates some room for bath and knocks: "Hi-chan, I've left your change of clothes by the door. There is a Madao brushing teeth outside now, so wait until I kick him out, then you can come out and get dressed."

"Who the hell are you calling Madao?" Gintoki spits the foam into the sink, a bit irritated. "Stop polluting other people's kid's brain with those words!"

"Gin-chan's kid is Yorozuya's kid, right? And family members can have whatever the way they want to raise their own kids." Kagura snorts, shoving Gintoki away from the bathroom canvas layer group into the kitchen layer group and collapses the layer folder. "All dads in the world are equally useless, so me as a reliable big sister will take good care of Hi-chan! No peeping! Or you're no difference to Zuraki Zura*!"

"Who would peep at the naked body of a kid who hasn't even reached puberty yet?!" Gintoki angrily slams his mouthwash cup into the kitchen sink. "First, I am not fucking J*seph J*estar, I DON'T peep into keyholes-- and second, don't fucking ever compare Gin-san to those harem-obsessed male protagonists from the 80-90s anime who only had 35 episodes in TV series! They have no competence to compare with a long-running, stable Weekly Shonen Jump manga protagonist like me!! It's an insult to my image and I take it personal!"

He mutters some more curses as he drags his tired body out of kitchen and into the hallway, picking up Touyako from the floor where he previously dropped it. The vomit on the floor along with the unbearable smell had both already vanished.

Gintoki stares at the wooden sword in his hand, then looks back to the closed door separating the kitchen and the bathroom.

"A daughter, huh?..."

He tucks Touyako under his arm, yawns, and shuffles across the living room into the washitsu. A daughter of him and whom...?

Well forget it already, better not to know than knowing too much. It'll just bring unnecessary trouble.

Reminding himself of this, Gintoki slides into his futon. "Gosh...why did I take a sick joke this seriously?" Finally, he shuts close those heavy dripping eyelids, forcing himself not to think about the little girl with a head-full of silver curly hair and eyes shiny like grapes.

Now that things have come to this, he might as well just get some sleep first...

Right...

Just sleep...

"?!!" Gintoki suddenly feels his external anal sphincter tightened. Shit!

Don't be a fool fooling yourself! The quality of expired strawberry milk will never magically be re-freshened just by changing the expiration date on the package.

He immediately launches himself from the quilt, dashing to the bathroom at lightning speed, flips open the toilet lid, pulls off his pajamas trousers and steadies his buttocks on the seat in one fluent take. Gintoki relaxes and exhales, with his hand holding his chin in relief. The diarrhea hits his ass too fast... Goddamn it why would he poop right after swallowing those expired milk?! Is he a fucking bird?

"Oi, Gin-chan..." "--Don't speak to distract me now! Gin-san's rocket is just about to ignite! Mmmmm…"

Gintoki hunches over, head bowing down, hands clenching into fists, elbows resting on his thighs--WAIT. He suddenly realizes something, looks up, and catches the disgusted gazes from the girls standing by the sink.

"...Gin-chan, next time at least warn the others in the bathroom before going inside, will you?"

The door is slid close again, separating the kitchen and bathroom.

Fuck, It's over. Gintoki now sweats profusely. The countdown for his anus to explode into the toilet water and send him up into the sky is no longer important. Moreover, it seems that he might have just revealed the potential place of origin to his potential daughter, no matter inadvertent or not.

This kind of thing wouldn't be ethically acceptable on a fanfic site even for AO3, would it? OOOOOIIIIIIIII!!!!

Has Sakata Gintoki really become a lewd exhibitionist? And to a minor, an underage of the opposite sex?

Turns out we're all no difference from the gorilla.

Chapter Text

Back to the timeline in the future. At 11:30 am, Sakata Gintoki's Vespa scooter-- the same one that had been used for decades, only with one more rearview mirror added on the left handle-- finally lands safely in front of an old factory on the outskirts of Tokyo City (formerly known as Edo). On the back seat, Sakata Shusetsu takes off his helmet and jumps down, full throttle heading towards the already open iron gate once his feet touches the ground.

"Oi slow down! You'd fall!" Gintoki yells from behind as he turns off the engine and locks the scooter. Since when has his son got so fast in sprinting? Like a bullet right out of a gun.

"You hurry up!" Shusetsu has run out of sight already, only his voice and footsteps echoing deep from the factory.

"Gintoki! You are too slow!" Inside the factory, Hiraga Gengai is operating something in front of a huge translucent holographic electro-screen. Hearing the footsteps, he turns his head 180 degrees like an owl to look behind, then a broad smile spreads on the rest of his face that is not covered in beard: "And little Shuki* is here too? Welcome!"

"Good afternoon, Gramp Gengai." Shusetsu stops beside him. "We arrived a little too hastily today and didn't bring you some soy-sauce-flavored senbei*, sorry for that."

"No need for that, no need, hahaha. I'm perfectly fine without that, and satisfied enough only if you little rascals come visit this fogey's from time to time." Gengai stands up from his seat, his mechanical legs making some small metallic cracks. "Hey, Gintoki! Why you look so listless? Did you leave the engine running all night again? How many strokes this time?"

"Don't distract the topic, you old coffin-dodger." Gintoki scratches the back of his head impatiently. "Where's Hio? What did you find?"

"Your extra-work little missy has secretly learned how to use a time machine." Gengai extends his robotic arm back to the mouse on the desk, and clicks play a piece of surveillance footage on the large screen. It shows that about 6 hours ago, a familiar small silhouette appeared inside the dim factory-- unmistakably that was Hio. She tiptoed to a large chunk covered in some canvas ("that's a one-way time machine still awaits for repairs," Gengai explains, "so I placed it at the corner."), lifted the cover cloth, and crawled inside.

Then, only a few seconds later, a bright flash accompanied by continuous crackling noise and violent shaking came out from beneath the canvas ("A time machine that functions properly would not make such noise or shaking," Gengai adds, shaking his head). The canvas slowly slid down and fell to the ground, but the girl who crawled underneath it earlier had vanished.

Even worse, the falling fabric got snagged on some protruding part of the machine, ripping it off its tripod stand and bringing it along to crash onto the ground with a loud clunk. Numerous parts from the machine, large or small, all scattered and rolled far away in every direction across the floor.

“…”

“…”

“…”

The three in front of the screen stare silently at the surveillance footage, which has reached to the end and stopped playing.

“Speaking of which, old coot, since you already have robotic body and limbs, why don't you also place a remote control inside your head instead of having the unnecessary trouble of reaching for the mouse…” After a long pause, Gintoki speaks up first, referring to something completely unrelated to the surveillance footage.

“Bullshit! What do you know about? That's called nostalgia!” Gengai lashes back hastily, some drops of saliva (actually it's machine oil) fly out of his mouth. “If it were that convenient, people then wouldn't have to wear fancy clothes but using a 3D holographic projection instead! You short-circuited-brain idiot!”

“Tsk, says the boomer whose brain got so rusty that can't think of magnificent ideas anymore, you hear me? You useless-work old coot.” Gintoki retorts without batting an eyelid.

"It's called extra work! You illiterate who flunked physics!" Gengai fondles his full beard. "But at second thought, that does sound a good suggestion..."

"Holographic projection, huh?... Sounds cool, handier than body painting..." Gintoki also rubs his chin covered in sparse, curly silver beard*, not noticing a dark red trickle running down from one of his nostrils. "It sure will be a big hit on the market. Say, gramps, after you invent that out, call me to try out first before putting on public, will y-- "

Shusetsu kicks him down from behind mercilessly, his face gone completely dark in annoyance and suppressed rage. In the next move, he quickly sits down on his father's back, intertwines his fingers under that sparsely covered chin and twists the large whitish-silver permhead backwards in a not-very-standard camel clutch: "Is there any other useful information besides the footage, Gramp Gengai?"

"Well, fortunately I was still able to extract some data from that broken machine after I found out some anomaly," Gengai nods, "your daughter at least bought and paid for the time-travel ticket, unlike the father..." Through his protective goggles, he watches that middle-aged man whose face now flushed red as he's using all his strength slamming on the floor begging for a release, while his head is being bent back by his angry ten-year-old son. Gengai looks away without any pity and continues: "However, there's something odd-- whether a malfunction or an error in construction is still unknown-- but the destination time Hio chose had changed from 12 years to 14 years ago in the past. In other words, now she's probably at the day when the 266th episode aired on TV."

"*cough *cough... 266..." Gintoki, finally freed from the submission hold, catches his breath and tries to recall the exact broadcast date. "The beginning of Season 3? No wait, that's not correct... First episode of Gintama° was aired on April 8th, 2015, wasn't that supposed to be 10 years ago? Today is April 8th, 2025, right?" He turns to look at Shusetsu, who's now checking on his watch, and receives a reassuring yes nod.

"Yerr not wrong... If it was 14 years ago, it should have been 2011, the closest would be shortly after the first season of Yorinuki Gintama-san* ended. What was going on..." Gengai scratches his bald head in frustration. He returns to his seat in front of the big screen, swiftly re-enters the usage record of the damaged time machine, and runs the calculation of destination time on the program for a second time.

"Could it actually be the manga's timeline then?" Shusetsu calculates on his fingers, "April 8th, 2011... The closest Weekly Shonen Jump were the 17th issue released on April 4th, and the 18th one on April 11th, right? So would it be that special edition collaborating with SketDance*? You two were even on the magazine cover that time, a 27-year-old unemployed ossan vying with a high school student for the lead role... what embarrassment. As for the single volume... it'd be Volume 39, I think?"

"You kid, why do you memorize those insignificant details that clearly..."

"That's not my fault! Hio always brags about how good her memory is and asks me to challenge her about the lessons and episodes..."

*Beep. In less than half a minute, the result date is shown on the screen: 'April 8th, 2015.

“The hell?" Gengai pounds one fist on the desk, almost sends the keyboard flying. "Is there an error in the calculation program? Tsk..."

"Wait a minute," Gintoki leans closer towards the screen and pokes at the unnoticeable punctuation mark before the date: "What's this? Why is there an apostrophe before April?"

"Huh?" Gengai notices it only after hearing Gintoki's words. He then hovers the mouse arrow over the unusual symbol. A small secondary window soon pops up:

[This mark is added in order to distinguish the Gintama Main Universe timeline from the Gintama FANWORK_GT#1086-FD Universe timeline you are in.]

"..."

The three in front of the screen fall silent again.

Waht? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS??!!!--

What kind of incredible inner information have we just learnt?!!!!!!!!! The worldview has been rebuilt!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The protagonist of Gintama^, Sakata Gintoki (married), born on October 10th and currently aged 41, 5'10'' in height and 154.1 lbs in weight; as well as his son Sakata Shusetsu, born on December 23rd and currently aged 10, 4'6.7'' in height and 72.97 lbs in weight; also the old inventor Hiraga Gengai, born on-- "Who cares?! That's not important right now!!!"-- The three of them stand frozen in place, too shock to deliver any words.

"G-growing up and old to this age, I was totally unaware of that, not till today..." After a long pause, Gintoki finally is able to say something. He suppresses down his trembling voice and tries to speak as calmly as possible: "S-so the Gintama universe we're in isn't the main universe, is that it? Well no-no-no wonder how time flows is di-different, right, Shu-chan? I was wondering so hard, that since both the manga and the anime had finished for so many years, why did they suddenly update it with a happy ending that I am married, have my own kids, and build up my own family? WELL IT TURNS OUT THIS IS JUST SOME UNOFFICIAL UN-CANONED UNREMARKABLE FAN-TASY... Not the manga drawn by the gorilla, not even original arc made up by the Gintama anime staff group, but some random fanwork typed out in a Word document on a laptop by some extraterrestrial humanoid life, hehe, heh..."

"This is truly some consequential shocking discovery..." Gengai has removed his goggles, his little round eyes widened in awe. "I didn't expect the theory of parallel universe to be proofed true... My god, no wonder it's a programming system from the Amanto technology..."

"So, to sum it up, my dumbass sister not only traveled through time and space, but also arrived in a parallel universe?" Shusetsu begins to pick at his left ear with his pinky, looking bored. "So what do we do now?"

"Where're your manners?! Don't call your own twin sister dumbass you blockhead!" Gintoki finally finds an excuse to punch his son in the head ("Ow!"), then drops to his knees, hands clutching his head, and begins howling in despair: "Don't you understand how catastrophic this situation has become right now?! Our world isn't the main universe, which means nothing here is official! In other words, NOTHING IS REAL!!! Damn it all!!! That's said all those happy couples/families of my generation and the existence of children of your generation are all just pipe dreams... In other other words, if the main universe timeline hadn't frozen like that of Sazae-san's, the Gin-san there'd be in his late 40s by now! And still addicted to alcohol and gambling, deep in debt, on the verge of unemployment and most importantly, still single... And by the way the main character role and the anime broadcast being taken over by Ginpachi that doppleganger bastard* recently... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH-- IT IS NOT REAL!!! I don't admit it!!! To state that in canon Sakata Gintoki is Middle-Aged Drossy Ass-broke Ossan the Second, biggest joke and loser succeeded after the Sunglasses, exactly like what Kagura used to taunt me...ATROCIOUS! DEPLORABLE! How could the main universe Gin-san have been this way... and my sex life......"

"Wait, so what you mean is that...I actually DON'T EXIST?!?" Shusetsu seems to have finally got some point. A massive existential crisis has hit him like a mountain and sent his legs limp, as he kneels down beside his father: "...So this entire world is fabricated? Dad and Mom were never married since the beginning, and Hio and I were never actually born... everything is a lie, even Hideko-chan's existence?!" He cries out the last sentence with tears and desperation.

"Oi. Just wait a second, you're not talking about that Hideko*-- t-that creepy little freckle moppet of Zura who looks like a cursed porcelain doll out of horror movie?!" Gintoki shudders at the thought of that little girl who enjoys collecting and reading post-mortem photograph albums. "Ah--! No way! you lil brat couldn't possibly fallen for som-*mmmmm--"

Shusetsu blushes and covers his father's mouth at once: "That has nothing to do with anything right now!"

"Shuki-chan is right, Gintoki! Pull yourself together!" Gengai has come out of the shock and puts his goggles back on. "Whether this fanwork universe is real or not, the most important thing at the moment is to get Hi-chan back! Since she's not a canon character, who knows what consequences will be for her, the main universe, and us if she stays there for too long..."

"Right, right..." Gintoki trembles and climbs to his feet. Existential crisis aside, it's no doubt that everything he currently owns still exists and won't disappear anytime soon. Regardless of whether it's the main universe or some fanwork universe, what he simply has to do is to cherish the things he already had. The main universe can do whatever the fuck it wants and that has nothing to do with them, right? Right??

If he didn't find Dia and bring her back before his wife found out, then everything would truly be over!!

Reassuring himself with those ideas, Gintoki scoops up Shusetsu from the ground, who's still troubled by his own thoughts in dismal: "Listen, Shusetsu..."

Shusetsu is surprised by his father calling his full first name. Gintoki rarely addresses him by that way, usually just kid, Block, you lil brat or Shu-chan from time to time, well, unless he is calling from a distance. He raises his head up to look at his father, who now appears more determined.

"I'm giving you a very important mission now, of Class-1 level, a matter of life and death."

"...Dad?"

"I'll use that wrecked but still-together junk to travel back, to when Hio went in the main universe, and find a way to bring her back. You stay here... Actually no, go find your mother right now and tell her what had happened. Be prepared for the worst to come."

"W-what are you saying..." Shusetsu understands his father's words, but suddenly feels afraid to confirm the meanings behind. That's not gonna happen, right? No...

He thinks he may have heard a snap. Of something tighten up being torn apart.

Seems like the world around them has been crumbling silently for ages under cover, piece by piece, but didn't show any obvious sign until just then. Now a huge crack has become visible on the surface-- perhaps beneath that crack everything was already in jeopardy, poised to truly fall apart at any moment.

Is this how it feels like to walk on thin ice?

"The worst to come..." he forces himself back to reality, swallowing hard. "Does that mean... neither you nor Hio will be able to come back?"

"...You can say so."

Gintoki looks downwards at his son. The boy always gives others a tough, reasonable impression, like a precocious little adult. Despite of occasional short-temper and violence, he rarely complains or throws tantrums, not even giving those puppy eyes to get what he wants when adults are around-- just like his mother, but maybe a little better, because he doesn't know how to hide his feelings, at least not as good and as much as his mother does. Sometimes Gintoki feels relieved that he expresses himself no different than other children of same age, honestly showing out whatever his current emotion is, without hesitation.

"Well, it's not definite." He steps forward, reaching out an arm to gently lead Shusetsu closer, and his fingers of the other hand slowly brush through that handful of light-colored hair, a tint of pale yellowish green between celery and honeydew, which is a mess of fluffy, tangled natural curls like a faded broccoli (or a cauliflower?).

Shusetsu's head rests against his upper abdomen, and in return to his embrace, reaches out his arms to wrap around Gintoki's waist. Like a koala clinging to a tree trunk.

A child's body temperature usually is higher than adult, but Shusetsu's had always been an unusual tepid 97~98℉ since birth. The examinations taken in the hosptial revealed nothing abnormal. Some children are just born that way, the doctor told them, it's not a serious problem.

Gintoki sighs, almost inconspicuously. At this age, even someone like him would begin to occasionally, and unconsciously recall these insignificant daily pieces of memories. 

"It's okay. Don't worry too much 'bout that," he picks up the conversation in a soothing tone, one hand rests on Shusetsu's back. Since when had those shoulders grown wider than his open palm? "Look, as we've prepared for the worst coming, we should also expect the best outcome, don't you think?"

Shusetsu doesn't answer him, only raises his head and stares into Gintoki's eyes with his own, and of the same color.

His shape of eyes is exactly the same as his mother's, Gintoki thinks.

"Hey Gramps! Can you build a inter-universal walkie talkie in an hour?" He turns to find the bald old silhouette of Gengai afar, and calls out in that direction.

Gengai has already brought over the time machine that Hio previously used, which still needs much further repairment.

"An hour? You boaster!" He bursts into laughter. "You're looking down on me, the old man had already invented and completed that little gadget long ago! Just never tested before..."

"It's fine. I trust your skills. You're the best inventor in Edo... no, the best among entire Japan. Besides, if anything goes wrong, I may just go and ask the other you in the main universe for help, right?"

"Ha! You arrogant cocky bastard!" Gengai wipes his nose with his thumb. "You haven't changed at all... Gintoki, speaking of this, you should probably pay extra attention to your identity after that-- once you enter the main universe, you're not the Sakata Gintoki anymore, not the No.1 main protagonist of Gintama, but Sakata Gintoki of a parallel universe. Don't forget that fanwork universes like ours are based on the original one-- the main universe. If anything is changed in the main universe, especially in the already-happened past, all the parallel fanwork universes will be affected to various degrees... I don't know what your 27-year-old self will think of you from a parallel universes, or how he will act and treat a 'doppelganger', no matter what, you must absolutely not trigger existential crisis to anyone in the main universe! --If the main universe begins to collapse, all the fanwork universes will follow that too. So mark my words, try to avoid dealing with yourself as possible as you can." He extends his robotic arms, one hand snatches a square-shape device from a pile of mechanical parts on a nearby workbench, the other grabs a small object that looks like a USB flash drive. He then handles both to Gintoki: "Don't forget the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17*."

"I know." Gintoki nods and receives the special device-- it looks like a normal handheld transceiver, except for a large display screen on one side-- and the latest flash memory compressed version of Patriot. He pats on Shusetsu's shoulder, who's still holding onto him, and gestures him to let go.

"Father!...” Only for time like this would the boy call him father.

“Now, now. Be a good kid, you can act whatever way you like after I bring Hio back.” Gintoki ruffles his son’s natural curly hair again, feeling much better.

Shusetsu lowers his arms and looks away, but hasn't stepped away from him yet. “When Hio's back," He mutters to himself with a slight hint of complaint, "there won’t be a place for me to act childish anymore.”

“You’re just alike your mother too much, caring and carrying all those moral burdens and pride of an adult!” Gintoki chuckles and gently pushes his head away with a finger pointing on his head. “As long as I’m still alive and still your dad, you can always act childish to me, even when you’re in your sixties or seventies.”

“Then we must both live to that age, right, Dad?” Shusetsu shakes his head, letting his natural curls return to its normal and less-messy style, and gives Gintoki a smile. “Well, Captain, I wish you a safe trip!”

"Hey, hey, as the first mate, you shouldn't wish me the best before the captain instructs to set sail, are you?" Gintoki pretends to adjust his nonexistent captain's hat with his hand on the supposedly brim. Children are truly the cutest when they smile carefreely.

"Nah, wait a minute," Gengai, watching the father-son conversation aside, grows a little bored and interrupts, "60,000 yen for round-trip tickets of two."

"HOW MUCH??? Are you kidding me you stinky old coot?! Why does a round-trip ticket cost 30,000 yen while a one-way only costs 3,000?!!" Sakata Gintoki immediately explodes with all his mature fatherly demeanor gone with the wind, pointing furiously at Gengai, who is rolling his eyes and picking his nose. "Shouldn't that be 6,000 at most?! And for the child, it should be only a one-way ticket, right?! And why aren't there any discounts when it should be for children's ticket?! Are you blackmailing me right now?! Hasn't the government compensated you enough through those contracts?!" He tosses the inter-universal HT and the Patriot into an inner pocket of his kimono and storms over to the rickety time machine on its tripod, resisting the raging urge to kick it over.

"Gintoki, there's something I forgot to mention—if the Bureau of Space/Time Administration finds out, it won't just be 60,000 yen or that easily dealt," Gengai warns him, then walks behind the time machine to start it up.

"Tsk... you old weasel! How dare you having the balls to blackmail Yorozuya Gin-chan... It's always been Gin-san who gets to rip others off, never the contrary! I'll make you fucking remember and regret this!" Gintoki curses as he pulls out his wallet, flips it open and takes out a credit card. With the strength that feels like he's trying to slice or drag the card reader apart, he swipes it down the slot. The vintage green LCD screen-- which is the only relatively modern part on the entire time machine now-- shows a successful transaction. He watches the machine print out a small receipt, it has a ridiculous amount of payment including taxes listed in strong-contrast black and white, so fierce that it hurts his eyes to read. And he doesn't even want to tear it off.

"Shusetsu, get that thing off!" Gintoki growls spitefully, shoving his wallet carelessly back into his back trouser pocket.

Shusetsu follows his order, comes over, rips off the receipt from the time machine, crumples it up and stuffs it into his nobakama*'s pocket. He takes a step aside and looks up to his father's gradually cooling face, then to the time machine in preparation. Apparently the previously shattered machine had been reassembled to the best in a hurry, but due to limitations on replacement materials and some other unknown reasons, its appearance has changed drastically, now more of a shrunken classic wooden camera obscura than a large recording digital camera. The original electronic flashlight had been replaced with a large, antique bulb filled with fine magnesium filament.

"The destination time has been set up," Gengai informs Gintoki briefly, and waves to Shusetsu, indicating him to walk away. "Stay away, Shuki-chan, and protect your eyes!"

"Go ahead." Gintoki says to him, gently pushing him to go: "Remember to contact Mom right away... but don't tell anyone else about this."

"I will." Shusetsu nods, then runs behind the time machine to stay next to Gengai.

"Dad--! Come back soon with Hio!" he shouts at Gintoki the moment Gengai clicks the shutter.

Sakata Gintoki (41) of Gintama FW_GT#1086-FD universe smiles and waves to them. His figure is then engulfed in a powerful white flash, disappearing amidst the faint sound of the burning flashbulb.

Chapter Text

The alarm rings at exactly 7 o'clock. In less than one second, it's pressed stop by a hand, deftly.

Shimura Shinpachi sits up from his futon and stretches out his arms. Then he reaches for his glasses case, which is placed next to the alarm clock.

"What's this feeling of something odd going to happen today..." he mutters to himself as he puts on his glasses, standing up, then begins to tidy up and put away his futon.

At 8 o'clock sharp, after breakfast, dish cleaning and putting everything away neat and done, Shinpachi locks the front door and heads out to his working site, Yorozuya. Their house is not too far away from Yorozuya, but no one knows exactly how far, or how long it takes to get there on foot. Even the gorilla hasn't mentioned any details from the beginning to the end-- Oh that's no big deal, they are all located in Edo City anyway, everyone would probably say that, and Shinpachi occasionally thinks the same on his way to work or back to home.

After crossing some streets, turning left and right for who knows how many times, Shinpachi spots a man wearing a sedge hat at the next intersection, and his attention is immediately caught by that distant figure. The man's back resembles much to Gintoki, and is walking towards the same direction he's heading to.

Eh? Isn't Gin-san usually still in bed at this hour struggling with his hungover?

Shinpachi is a little surprised. Or can it be someone who just dresses like him?

The more he thinks about it, the more curious he becomes, so what Shinpachi decides to do is to follow that man, approaching for a closer look. Maybe he's wrong or maybe he's not, and that is actually Sakata Gintoki, somehow walking on the street at this unparticular moment, it doesn't hurt to give it a try.

As he gets closer, Shinpachi notices that the man's attire is different from Gintoki's usual ones. While far from a distance it looks almost the same with that similar red, black, blue, and white color combination of clothing, as well as a wooden sword tucked by his left side of waist, a closer look reveals many more differences in design. The right side of the kimono isn't lazily taken off and hangs above his obi (a broad, brown one, very Western style, probably made of leather and has brass buckles), but is normally worn, only sleeveless comparing to the left side; the inner top isn't a short sleeve with red dotted linings, but a more formal black dress shirt with the sleeve neatly rolled up to the elbow. The collar isn't popped-up either, but a high-rise turndown style with a straight red lining. And the pattern on his kimono has different designs. On Gin-san's usual attire, it presents more of a swirling wind and clouds, but on this man's kimono, it somehow has two different hues of blue, and more like the complicated undercurrent under the surface of a stormy ocean.

Oh, it's just someone who dresses similar to Gin-san. Shinpachi saves his tsukkomi* thoughts instead of speaking out, slowing down his pace. But the man ahead of him seems to find out his following-- he suddenly turns around, warily.

With no time to hide, Shinpachi has no choice but to hurry to the side of the street, hiding behind a powerline pole and tries not making a sound.

"Oi, come out." And comes the deep, slightly nasal voice of a middle-aged man, sounding exactly like Gintoki when he gets serious. "You've been following me since the 2nd ave of Kabuki-cho. What do you want?"

Shinpachi nervously presses himself closer against the rocky surface of the pole, then again stays motionless.

Wait. Why is he hiding? He hasn't done anything wrong. This is weird.

Thinking so, Shinpachi steps out from behind the pole, for he suddenly feels an urge to see who this person is: since he dresses and sounds like Gin-san so much, could he actually look like Gin-san as well? Speaking of which, it reminds him how rarely Gintoki has spoken about his past to the people around him, let alone his own family... Shinpachi recalls, a little dejectedly. Neither Otose-san, who had taken him in since so long ago, nor Mr. Katsura, his old acquaintance and comrade, knows anything about those private things, like parents, or siblings. It was as if he had been alone since date of birth.

"...I was wondering who it was, but turns out it's only Shinpachi, huh?" The man who has already come closer to him takes off the sedge hat.

"Ah, Gin-s... eh?" Shinpachi's words abruptly stops. Who is this?

The man does have natural curly silver hair like the Sakata Gintoki he knows, but his appearance is completely another person: a broad, round face with sagging double chin, pair of resolute golden eyes piercing with a gleam, and two kindly smile lines running from the sides of his nose to the corners of his mouth-- no no no no no! Who the hell is this?! At this point, the Shimura Shinpachi who hasn't been through the Rakuyou Decisive Battle Arc yet internally screams, but soon forcing himself to overcome the urge of tsukkomi and holds back his maybe excessive expression, and apologetically explains himself: "sorry sir, I didn't mean to follow you. I think I just mistook you for someone I know... eh?"

Shinpachi blinks in surprise. The man's appearance just changed, right in front of him. This time even the round face is gone; his neck and chin merges together into a single, perfectly cylindrical shape with strangely protruding veins, his once piercing eyes have shrunk to tiny pinpoints, even more dead-fish-like than Gintoki's. He now has scowl-like eyebrows, mustache in the same shape resting above a pair of swollen lips, and his indecent haircut looks as if it needs to be censored...The hell??? Who do you think you are??! At this point, the Shimura Shinpachi who has already experienced the Yorozuya Forever movie, finally can't hold back himself but lets out his tsukkomi: "Um, sir, you just changed your look without any attempt of hiding it, didn't you? If you're cosplaying Chinpo-san, you're missing a mole right in the middle of your forehead... Anyway that's not important!!! Seriously WHO ARE YOU?! If you are someone I know, why are you pretending to be others and hiding your true identity?! And if you're a stranger why do you know my name?!"

The man he is questioning stays silent for a few seconds, scratching his now smooth, round-cut hair. Then, as if he chooses to give up, he slowly presses one finger on the temple area. The holographic camouflage projection that surrounds his head instantly vanishes, leaving only a translucent hood covering his head and neck.

"Your troublesome personality hasn't changed at all, Pattsuan... Whether it's towards male or female, getting tangled up with strangers on the street will really lower much of your charisma," the man finally speaks up in a familiar reluctant tone, and pulls off the hood.

It becomes clearer than ever.

"G-Gin-san?!!! But, but-- " Shinpachi now is walking around him in circles, looking up and down on his full figure but not knowing where to begin his tsukkomi: "What-what's with this attire that looks both formal and informal, and this sophisticated and mature style?! And the beard… So Gin-san's beard is also silver in color and with natural curls?! And this super-mature adult-style necklace-- wait, is the pendant a wedding ring? What's going on Gin-san?! Why are you in this outfi-*eppppuuuh..."

Shinpachi's endless blow of questions ends the moment he is hit in the head with the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17. He loses consciousness at once, and falls to the ground.

"Sorry, Shinpachi."

Gintoki (41) puts away the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17 and puts the camouflage hood back on. He kneels down on one leg, lifts the unconscious Shinpachi up and holds him on his back. "If I don't do this, we'll just waste more time on explaining unnecessary things... The lesser you know the better."

"You are still too light."

He adjusted his stance of carrying Shinpachi and continues walking towards the direction of Yorozuya.

"That's a bad sign. You won't grow taller and stronger if you don't eat well, Pachi."

Back to the FW_GT#1086-FD universe. Both the bright light from the time machine and the figure of Sakata Gintoki standing in front of them has completely disappeared.

Shusetsu stares at the empty spot where Gintoki was standing a few minutes ago before being teleported away, losing himself in thought.

Did you disappear with anger in the same way too, Hio? He wonders. A helpless smile growing on the corners of his mouth.

Such a grand escape show between home and parallel universes, leaving everyone worried, bewildered, not knowing what to do for you and your runaway alone, silly sister. Apply for the Guinness World Records on it. I'm sure no one will ever be able to break yours.

Suddenly, the voice from Gengai jolts him back to reality from those chaotic thoughts.

"...By the way, Shuki-chan, isn't today Tuesday? Even with all this drama, is it okay for you to miss the classes at the book house?"

"Yeah, it's fine... I'll explain to Mr. Yoshu* later," Shusetsu replies vaguely, pulling out Gintoki's phone that he had given to him earlier and turns it on. After one second or two, the phone is fully booted up. Dozens of missed call notifications pops up on the screen, mostly from a number noted by "honey".

Shusetsu closes his eyes. How am I going to tell Mom about this? That Hio angrily ran away into another world not telling why, and Dad just went after her as well? Will she believe in those nonsenses?...

No. He doesn't have more time to waste. Shusetsu snaps his eyes open, quickly enters the password to unlock the screen and clicks on the calling record for a dial-back. The phone call is connected almost instantly.

"Hello? Mom, it's me," Shusetsu speaks first before the woman on the other side could release her anxiousness and fury.

"Sorry for not picking up the calls, something happened at home. I'm at Gramp Gengai's place right now. It's hard to tell you exactly over the phone. Can you come pick me up please?"

"...Okay, I will."

Shinpachi slowly regains consciousness from the unknown faint.

"Uh... what is... Why did I......?" He opens his eyes, only to be greeted by the familiar wooden ceiling of Yorozuya.

Shinpachi sits up, then finds out that he was lying on one of the long couches in the center of the living room.

"Are you finally awake, Shinpachi?" Kagura's voice comes from the corner of the room. Shinpachi turns to her direction and stands up from the couch, seeing her sitting on the floor hunching over towards the TV, watching a rerun of Ladies 4, there's a piece of sukonbu between her lips as usual.

"But I remember I was... I was...... ??" Shinpachi rubs the back of his head, where he was hit earlier, in confusion. He remembers running into someone on his way to the Yorozuya, and then... then what happened? How did he end up inside Yorozuya?

How odd, he can't remember.

It couldn't be a cattle mutilation incident* again, could it?! Shinpachi feels a bucket of ice-cold water was just poured down his entire body from head to toe, and now he is soaked in apprehensiveness and shivering. He immediately begins to anxiously check and feel every part of his body. Thankfully, nowhere has been altered into a screwdriver or something weird by some retard Amanto from who-knows-where in the fucking universe.

"Oi Pattsuan, why the hell are you touching yourself all over and everywhere?" Gintoki's voice appears behind them, accompanied by the shuffling of his footsteps. "It's gross. Have some control over yourself and don't do that in front of kids, will you?"

"Ah, Gin-san! I was-- I--" Shinpachi turns around. The way Gintoki just called him by that nickname seems to rekindle a spark in his dim dazy head, and pulls out a thin string that chains up the lost memory. Fragmented images flash before his eyes, one by one-- he was about to grasp and put together those clues, but in the next moment, the shock of seeing the other two people with almost the same silver natural curly hair-- one adult and one small kid, walking in behind Gintoki-- completely overwhelms his attempt of recalling the event.

"Um, Gin-san, who are these people behind you..."

Shinpachi has never felt his eyes need to be so busy before. His gaze darts uncontrollably back and forth between the three that all have the silver natural curly hair: no, to say it's a miracle of these many silver-haired natural curls inside the same frame is no better than stating it as a family reunion of silver-haired natural curls... has Gin-san finally found his long-lost kin?!

"Tsk, stop staring at us like that! It's rude!" Gintoki walks past him to Kagura, turns off the TV ("Ah! What are you doing!"), and is dragging Kagura, whom now is fuming and very unwillingly, over to the long couch Shinpachi was lying on. The other two people, an adult man and a young girl, both with those silver, natural curly hair that shocks him, sit down on the other long couch across the tea table.

Are they father and daughter? Shinpachi instinctively has the idea, he can't help checking the two people in front of him.

The little girl looks no older than 10. She is wearing some clothes obviously lent by Kagura, and she is not looking at him, the man beside her or anyone/anything else in the room, only looking down at her feet in silence with a tint of guilt and fear. The middle-aged man next to her looks almost identical to Gintoki in appearance, except for the slightly longer hair, the eye color and the sparse beard around his mouth. His age and demeanor are noticeably different as well, and he shares the violet-colored eyes with the girl. For some reason, Shinpachi thinks his clothing look familiar, as if this isn't the first time he sees someone dress that way, except that... something seems to be missing around his neck.

The middle-aged man Shinpachi is gazing at soon notices his probing sight and returns a deep(?), fixed look right into his eyes. Shinpachi realizes his behavior is brusque, so he awkwardly lowers his head and apologizes: "Please forgive me sir, I shouldn't have stared at you like that. It's just..."

"It's fine. If I meet a stranger who looks 90% or more like someone I know, I will do the same." The middle-aged man says calmly, to his surprise. His voice is similar to Gintoki's, though lower and somehow with an Idaho accent* out of context.

"So, you're..." Shinpachi pushes his glasses. Perhaps this gentleman is a client who came to visit with a commission?

"That's Mr. Nicotine Get'ahtkatdone from the Planet Quirk Whine of the TTGN Nebula of the 6081-Damn F*** Galaxy," (abbreviated and censored for the sake of underage presence) Gintoki finishes in one breath, finally drags the resisting Kagura here, plops his ass down beside Shinpachi, and drapes an arm leisurely over the couch. "The girl next to him is his daughter, Hio."

He's an Amanto... Shinpachi instantly gets more nervous. It was not like Yorozuya had never served Amanto clients before, but only a handful that could be counted on one hand. And looks like Gin-san just completely misrepresented that man's name and place of origin, and he is still picking his nose! Oh come on... Wait, why is there a big bump on his head? Never mind, he will ask him later in private.

"It's Planet Twerk Fine of the Gran Turismo Nebula of the 6801-Dawn Free Galaxy," The man corrects with a straight face, "And my name is Ikotin Gatakas, not Get-that-cat-down. Although Get-that-cat-down is delicious, I still think Gatakas is better in quality and value."

YEAH OF COURSE GIN-SAN GOT IT ALL WRONG!! Shinpachi screams helplessly back in his mind, feeling even more nervous now. He can't tell from Mr. Ikotin's expression whether he has any change in current mood, but can only pray that Gintoki's usual nonsense (or perhaps unconscious malice towards Amanto? After all, Gin-san was a former Joui-shishi*...) didn't anger their clients. By the way, what's Gatakas? Something like Dom Peri?

"So... what is Mr. Ikotin's request today?" Shinpachi opens up with courage, intending to change the topic. He slightly glances at Gintoki, who is sitting next to him, and notices that he has stopped picking his nose. Kagura has already sneaked back to the TV, turned the volume to the lowest, and continues her rerun of Ladies 4.

"Well, Hio, my daughter ran away from home after a quarrel and ended up on this planet. She accidentally mistook this gentleman and head of Yorozuya for me, for obvious reasons," Ikotin pauses purposefully, clearly having some other indication, shifts his gaze from his daughter to Gintoki. "Hio is still young and inexperienced, but for the fact that she has caused so much trouble for everyone at Yorozuya, I sincerely apologize for all."

"So...it seems that the matter has been mostly resolved, Hio-chan has been found back by Mr. Ikotin. That's great news." Shinpachi exhales a sigh of relief. Glad that it is not some kind of family dispute or anything similar that needs them to mediate.

"No. Actually, there is something else that was unexpected," Ikotin's unenthusiastic voice dampens his relaxed mind right away. "We both traveled in a hurry to Earth and were unaware of our spaceships' status, that they had been overused and are now in need of extensive repairs. As a result, Hio and I will have to stay on Earth for a few more days."

"I see... So you're looking for some good, affordable accommodations nearby, is that it, Mr. Ikotin?" Shinpachi realizes and takes a guess. This conversation is giving him a strange feeling-- why is he the only person from Yorozuya's side that has done all the talking for now? Kagura is watching TV, never mind, but what about Gin-san? Why has him been so quiet? Is he still hungover? He can't resist but glances back on his boss again. This time he sees Gintoki staring at Hio, somewhat offhandly or pensively, he can't tell.

"That's not necessary. I can stay temporarily at the embassy of my planet. It's just that I noticed Hio seem to really like Yorozuya, and has made friends with the other girl named Kagura here."

"So..."

"So, Mr. Dickotin's request is for us to temporarily take in his daughter and take care of her until the spaceships are completely fixed." Gintoki finally speaks, summarizing the key points succinctly. "In fact we had already discussed this before you woke up, Shinpachi. I'm just repeating this to you now."

"Oh." Shinpachi smiles, feeling a little bashful. "Okay, I get it. By the way how did I lose consciousness and end up here? I remember I was on the way here... uh..."

"You fainted on the street and Mr. Jigoku-jin brought you here." Kagura has finished watching the TV show and walks over. "Seriously, Pachi-boy, no matter how much sister-complex you have, you can't eat those dark cuisine of Ane-go every meal and every day. That's why you're short in height and short in sight, and always look like one of those sickly, unattractive school romance anime heroines- constantly fainting. Completely unmanly."

"Oi—! Don't say me like that in front of the clients!" Shinpachi finally lets out a small outburst, but at the same time, contemplating to believe in the explanation and dispelling his earlier doubts. So the person he saw before fainting was probably Mr. Ikotin. That explains all... no wonder he looks familiar.

"Well, I am eternally grateful for your help, Mister." Shinpachi stands up from the couch and bows to Ikotin. "We'll do our best to fulfill your request and return your favor, so don't worry about it."

"Of course! No need to say that, as long as Hio-chan is happy, I'll do anything!" Kagura has already moved closer to sit next to Hio, offering her a piece of sukonbu. "Here, try this, it's my favorite snack."

"Thank you, Kagura-nee." Hio finally speaks out.

"Hio-chan is such a cute and polite child," Shinpachi compliments with a friendly smile. "Your daughter looks just like you, sir."

"That is correct," he sees one side of Ikotin's eyebrow raise with a hint of pride, but notices his sight is still on Gintoki: "And that probably explains why Miss Kagura mistook her as Mr. Sakata's daughter."

"Oh, well..." Shinpachi is a little confused by his answer. Was he thinking too much? But that intension between Gin-san and... Mr. Ikotin clearly is holding onto some unknown persistence towards their boss... could it still be the concerns on their similar looks?

"Are you wondering why Mr. Sakata and I look so much alike?" Ikotin suddenly speaks to him as if he can read his mind. He is smiling. "Mr. Shimura, your thoughts are all written on your face."

"Uh...? Really? I mean, sorry about that."

"No need to feel sorry. This is the first time I've encountered someone who looks just like my identical twin brother, if I ever have one. Hadn't I known that I was an only child, and that all the people of Twerk Fine race have silver hair and purple eyes, I would have thought Mr. Sakata was blood-related to me but had been lost outside in the universe. "

"Well, we can't rule out the possibility of Gin-chan being a hybrid of the Towork-free people with someone on Earth," Kagura joins the conversation with a grin, "after all, that gorilla had always used the excuse of letting fans use their imaginations freely to avoid giving an official explanation, leaving even Gin-chan himself clueless about his origin. And you two really look alike!" She holds up the index fingers of both her hands and points at the faces of the two adults looking at her. "See? Eyebrows, eyes, nose, ears, mouth, face, hair-- the more I compare you two to each other, the more I think you look exactly alike! Except for the eye color and the beard..."

Ikotin can't help laughing, while Gintoki just stares at her reluctantly and aggrieved.

"Oi oi, what do you mean by that? I'm the protagonist okay!? There's only one person that can be this handsome and striking as Gin-san, that's Gin-san himself and that's enough for the world! Don't bring up another arc like Tama Quest, we don't need a second Leukocyte King!" He closes his eyes, annoyed and leans back on the couch, resting both hands on the back of it now: "Besides--"

A strange beep accompanied by a strong vibration sound emitted from Ikotin's inner kimono pocket, instantly interrupts Gintoki's complaints.

"Excuse me, please." Ikotin's expression suddenly changes. He stands up, now more serious and walks out of the living room in a haste.

Only Gintoki caught the barely perceptible flicker of panic and unease on his face that appeared and faded away in less than a blink. He suppresses the urge to follow this doppelgänger outside and snoop on what he's on.

Something caddywampus is going on.

Chapter Text

It's a late spring's morning, under the large piles of thick, lead-gray clouds, the little sunlight that has escaped through clouds' gaps lands on the vibrant array of flowers blossomed across Edo City, including at a garbage dump site at the outskirts region. However, the ones blooming here aren't from plants, but some momentary, transparent yet murky splashes of sewage, caused by a mannequin fallen from the sky into a trash water puddle.

The abnormally loud falling noise has disturbed the hobos living in garbage dump. A few early scavengers nearby bravely approach to the puddle, which now is emitting white smoke and bubbles on the shallow water surface, being curious about what kind of mannequin could release such power in a fall— if it's some "junk" secretly discarded by Amantos passing by, perhaps it'd still have some value being collected and sold on the black flea market.

The hobos gather in front of the puddle in silence, waiting. The white smoke gradually fades away, revealing a naked, drenched middle-aged man, lying facedown in the filthy water, bubbles rising from between his now grayish-silver, natural curly hair, and float out around on the water surface.

The hobos exchange their glances. Everyone's face shares the same expression.

"Tch! I thought it was some treasure."

"Who the fuck do you think you're? T-800? Kyle Reese? Stinky bastard!"

"Next time I hope it's a Getter D2..." "--Takuma-chan, that'll be hundreds of years after."*

The hobos dismiss, walking away and cursing.

The man lying in the puddle pretends to be dead, and waits until all the hobos had left before finally raising his head and taking in a sharp breath— "*cough *cough! Ugh, it stinks! bleh... yuck."

Sakata Gintoki (41) climbs to his feet from the puddle, retching. He then begins shaking his head frantically and trying to wipe away the stains from his body.

"Damn that's cold... the hell is with that, old coot?! Now is not the time to cosplay Terminator okay?... And this is fanfiction with no illustration, so it doesn't matter if Gin-san is naked or not since there are no pictures, right??"

Gross. So uncomfortable with the wet pubic hair stuck on his dick and balls... Gintoki looks downwards, gazing at the other smaller ball of damp, silvery permhead on his lower part of out-of-nowhere naked and soak-wet body, and thinks passively. More important than that, where did the inter-universal walkie talkie, the Patriot, and the round-trip tickets go? If they hadn't been sent through time together with him by the precarious time machine, it would have been the real big problem.

He shuffles slowly along the trail in between the piles of garbage that are higher than him, hoping to find some scrap paper or usable rags to wipe himself clean and dry.

Even if it's spring breeze, blowing on a body splashed with sewage gives no warmth.

What a wonderful haiku, Gintoki thinks. Like something Hasegawa-san would have written.

The power of being the protagonist, maybe with only one bar of power remaining now, still did not disappoint him. After finding his way out the garbage dump, and thanks to the author's behind-the-scenes efforts, the dirty water and stains on Gintoki's body soon went away as if they had never been on him. The rancid odor also gradually dissipated. Then, one by one, his clothes, his wooden sword Touyako' and other belongings reappear. Looks like the temporary overhaul was not enough to avoid some minor errors, as a result the time machine had him—the organic lifeform [Sakata Gintoki]— and the inorganic appendages [Sakata Gintoki's belongings] transported separately. Gintoki breathes out a sigh of relief, for he no longer has to hold a passerby hostage and deliver the emotionless, blunt phrase "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle". He reaches into the 4D pocket of his kimono (no it's really just a regular pocket okay?) and fumbles around: good, everything he needs is still there. He feels in his trouser pocket at the back: very good, his wallet is still there too.

Gintoki fumbles a bit longer, pulling out the inter-universal transceiver, activates it and tries to establish contact: "This is Chirico*, this is Chirico. Gotho, please reply. Over."

The screen on one side quickly connects and displays two faces, one old and one young, huddle close together. "Dad, your hairstyle is more suitable for cosplaying Ypsilon. Over."

"That guy isn't the protagonist! And for someone lucky and tough like your dad, his level is suitable for an abnormal survivor, 'kay?" Gintoki raises his head with pride, as if he has completely forgotten what Gengai had told him before the time travel.

"Anyway, I arrived here safely... supposedly? The main universe..." He stands by the road, looking around and to the far distance. The winding gray highway stretches into an direction, and he knows Edo is there at its end, not far away. The city has yet to experience the chaotic wars of the last few arcs and has not yet required more than a decade to rebuild and develop into the prosperous metropolis called Tokyo.

"Gintoki! Remember to hide your identity and try not to have too much contact with you...*sss-elf... the main..." Gengai was about to remind him of those important time travel rules, but the signal somehow gradually weakens as Gintoki begins to move.

"I know. Don't worry. Over." Gintoki glances at the two people on the screen again and sets the transceiver into standby mode for battery saving.

The clouds that were once almost stationarily hanging by the edge of the sky like curtains, now have begun to surge and swell tempestuously, under the urging wind.

Feels like something's going to happen today, Gintoki thinks, quickening his pace.

It's really inconvenient to travel without his scooter. After walking for almost two hours, Gintoki finally enters Kabukicho, panting a little bit with his soles of feet soring, thinking to himself with a sense of exhaustion. Gin-san too will eventually age and become weak, you jerks. Don't think everything will last forever!

…Now to what he can recall, although those scenes only appear occasionally in OP and ED credits, or only a few frames in the animation, Shinpachi always walks from home to work at the Yorozuya. He also mostly walks when he's on the road investigating for their entrusted commissions.

“What am I nostalgic for?” Gintoki mumbles to himself. Suddenly, he notices some footsteps approaching from behind.

Someone is following him. The sound of footsteps tells him it's an inexperienced rookie with not a single thought of concealing their whereabouts… Then it definitely isn't the glasses stalker female pervert or the an-pan/badminton zealot from the tax-thieves. Gintoki pretends to be oblivious and continues walking ahead towards the direction of Yorozuya. Passing by a glass-fronted store, he finds out from the reflection that the person following him is Shinpachi.

Oi, oi, Pachy, how can someone be so unprofessional in stalking, huh? Attempting to approach but soon hesitates again? That's too typical behavior for a cherry boy incel who has zero experience in relationship… Oh. He forgot. At this exact point of time the Shimura shinpachi is a 16-year-old glasses teenager, definitely inexperienced in any aspects of relationship. No, that's not right either. It can only be said that all experiences/relationships he has are tragedies. And this Shinpachi is still the Captain of Terakado Tsuu's Imperial Guards, who stubbornly tries to distinguish the concept of groupie from otaku.

—Pattsuan must have recognized him by first sight and instinct, but he wasn't sure about it, so he chose to follow him.

Gintoki suddenly has the desire to tease him for this.

Sure. Ever since Shinpachi joined the Shinsengumi… while it wasn't a complete parting-away like the start of that 2-year gap, and they can still see each other whenever they are free, they no longer meet up every day or very frequently. Even after completely growing up, Shinpachi still loves tsukkomi, Otsu, and advertising his dojo everywhere. But things that needed changes would change, and eventually did change. Overall, it was heading for the better… NO no no it wasn't that kind of change as if Yorozuya was infiltrating the Shinsengumi, spreading roots in the dark and taking over! Although Shinpachi does often help him by using his advantages on the job in commissions.

Don't assume that everything will last forever, Gin-san! Shinpachi was once telling him that, blushed, while sitting by his side and chugging beer. That was the night when Shinpachi openly announced his engagement, and a group of people gathered at Otose's bar to celebrate for him. Kagura even cried, sitting on the table, completely unladylike, and banging her legs against the surface, loudly complaining about how could him, or how dare him to get married first among all three of them, way before her and Gin-san.

Pattsuan, was the blushing back then because of the drink, or because of shyness and excitement?

Gintoki turns around. He can see the familiar 16-year-old teenager with glasses in a short distance, immediately bewildered, stands solid for 2 seconds and hides behind a nearby powerline pole as quickly as he can.

He lowers his sedge hat, barely able to conceal the smile on his face.

"Oi, come out." Gintoki deliberately presses down his voice, walking up to the pole and pretends to threaten with seriousness: "You've been following me since the 2nd ave of Kabuki-cho. What do you want?"

Don't be the loincloth mask*, Shinpachi. Even if it's the present you of two years ago, you surely are much braver than the two-years-later me, right?

As he expected, Shinpachi shows himself soon, but somehow lost in his own thoughts. He is quiet, neither looking up to the man in front of him nor saying anything.

"...I was wondering who it was, but turns out it's only Shinpachi, huh?" Gintoki smiles, removing his hat and activating the holographic camouflage projection— Shinpachi at this timeline hasn't heard about the Pakuyasa yet, right? Let's tease him with that one first.

"Ah, Gin-s... eh?" He watches Shinpachi abruptly stops in awe, his expression frozen in place.

Ooooohhh what a photogenic moment and why hasn't he bring a pinhole camera for this, damn it!! Gintoki is actually shaking under the hood, trying to contain his almost-burst-out laugh. What a revenge*, I told you it's because that time has yet to come, Pachy!

Shinpachi struggles for quite a moment before calming down and speaking again: "Sorry sir, I didn't mean to follow you. I think I just mistook you for someone I know... eh?"

Hey, it's been a while since the last time you met Chinpo-san, Pachy, come and say hi! Gintoki now is really chuckling, enjoying Shinpachi's expression as it changes from shock to petrification to speechlessness.

 "Um, sir, you just changed your look without any attempt of hiding it, didn't you? If you're cosplaying Chinpo-san, you're missing a mole right in the middle of your forehead..." —Oh come on, what's that puny, dull, flaccid line that anyone can say and almost unqualified as tsukkomi, Shinpachi? Bring it on harder! Bring out the dignity of Sakaguchi Daisuke*! "—Anyway that's not important!!! Seriously WHO ARE YOU?! If you are someone I know, why are you pretending to be others and hiding your true identity?! And if you're a stranger why do you know my name?!"

That’s right!!! That's the tsukkomi I was waiting for!! Very nice, very dynamic! But not exuberant enough in diversity, Pachy. You still have a long way to go.

"Your troublesome personality hasn't changed at all, Pattsuan... Whether it's towards male or female, getting tangled up with strangers on the street will really lower much of your charisma." Gintoki rips off the camouflage hood. Disguise clearly doesn’t work on Shinpachi, it probably won’t work on Kagura either. Not to speak that Sadaharu can recognize him by scent alone.

They are too familiar with him. Tricks like sleight of hand can only fool some idiots like Zura when his IQ is normally off the charts.

Come meet Gin-san of 14 years later, Shinpachi. Even if he's from a parallel fanfic universe. Go ahead and pour your tsukkomi on me. Let me just immerse in that immature rants for a little longer... just a little more. Gintoki closes his eyes, enjoying the 360-degree gaze and chatter from the young, curious, 16-year-old glasses with the voice he hadn't heard in a while. Then he pulls out the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17.

"Sorry, Shinpachi."

The moment the Patriot hits him in the head, Shinpachi falls to the ground with a muffled groan.

Gintoki glances at the "murder weapon" in his hand. Who could have imagined that this once meaningless "invention", as pointless as a second-grade art assignment project, would be regenerated into a requirement for time travel? While its look might not be as portable and concealable as the memory eraser stick in Men in Black, but enough Gintama-ish already as Just-A-Way. So why ask for that much? Gintama isn't... well, while it's broadly classified as sci-fi, it's still primarily a period drama (of fictional worldview)/comedy. Not many would notice the sci-fi elements anyway.

"If I don't do this, we'll just waste more time on explaining unnecessary things... The lesser you know the better." Gintoki belatedly realizes he's saying it out loud.

Who am I talking to?

He turns his head to look at the unconscious Shinpachi on his back.

"You are still too light." Why hadn't he noticed that back then? He surely had carried him more than once before.

"That's a bad sign. You won't grow taller and stronger if you don't eat well, Pachi."

Gintoki takes his time and walks his way to the Yorozuya. Arriving right in front of the building he's so familiar with, he looks up, then immediately notices the fresh stain right in the middle of the "Gin" character on the Yorozuya Gin-chan signboard that is hanging on the second-floor railing, seemingly still emitting the stench of vomit.

"Gosh... today is that day?" Gintoki quickly lowers his head and looks away. "Why did this happened in the main universe too..."

Then at this point, the main universe Gin-san had probably been chewed out and raked on the coals by Otose. He still remembers how the old hag had clamored in rage, threatening to let Tama pull out all his natural curls and make them into a mop to clean the eaves of the first floor... Wait, was she saying to make it into a mop, or just use him as a human mop to clean up the vomit?

Gintoki shakes his head helplessly and climbs up the stairs to the second floor, carrying Shinpachi on his back. At the gate of Yorozuya, he dedates his thoughts whether to knock, ring the doorbell, or just walk in as usual. Finally, overcoming the choosing difficulty, he presses his own doorbell button for the first time in his life.

"Shinpachi! Guest coming! Go open the door!" He can vaguely hear Kagura yelling from inside through the door, probably from the living room. Then Sadaharu's barking.

Shinpachi is also out here. Gintoki can't help smiling, then rings the doorbell again.

"Gin-chan! We have a guest! Go open the door!" Kagura's voice gets louder.

"Huh? I'm busy now! You go!" He hears his own voice coming from closer distance, and suddenly, for no apparent reason, he becomes nervous.

What did the old man say earlier? Don't engage with your main universe self too much... Gintoki feels his palms that are holding Shinpachi's legs begin to sweat.

Please, Kagura, please come and open the door! Anyone is fine! Even Sadaharu is fine! As long as it's not myself...

Gintoki, still brainstorming, is then startled by the sound of the door sliding open.

...Oh. It really is Sadaharu.

Sadaharu sits on his hindlegs, quietly at the door, like a stone lion. The only thing moving is his slightly moist dark-color triangular nose, twitching to smell better, trying to determine if the Sakata Gintoki (41) in front of him and the Sakata Gintoki (27) inside the house are the same person.

They smell the same... so they must be the same thing, right? Sadaharu thinks. With this conclusion, he pounces out excitedly.

Of course! This thing called Gin with white fur on the top has the best taste for chewing!... Hm? It seems a little different from usual. Sadaharu sticks out his tongue and licks the part that Kagura had taught him, which humans call it "face". He is happy to see Gin's reaction back, as the expression on the "face" shows a "smile", something that Kagura often show to him.

"Woof!" Sadaharu loves "smiles". He licks the "face" again and hears Gin make a muffled, happy sound that Kagura would make when she has "smile", something that's called "laughter". He also hears Gin start to call his name and make other sounds he couldn't understand.

Sadaharu is even happier. He loves "laughter" just like "smiles", especially Kagura's. Gin's "laughter" isn't as pleasant to hear, but he rarely have the chance to hear it, so it is precious. As a result, Sadaharu decides to give him a special treat that he hasn't done for a while— opening his mouth and swallowing the top, round part with the white fur and the "smile."

"Sadaharu——————"

Gintoki is almost going to shed some tears with his head now fully inside Sadaharu's mouth. The last time he'd been "treated" like this was... was it 3 or 4 years ago? Although Kagura brings Sadaharu back to Earth every time she returns, while every time means several times each year, the Sadaharu of his timeline— no, rather, the Sadaharu of his universe— no longer bites anyone he knows.

Perhaps because he finally reached adulthood and his teeth stopped growing, Sadaharu no longer needs a teething stick.

"Aaaaaaaaah! Sadaharu!" Even Sadaharu's warm oral cavity cannot block out Kagura's loud voice and the approaching clattering of her footsteps. "Spit it out, NOW! Don't eat dirty food from outside! You'll get diarrhea and Gin-chan's going to get mad again!"

Hearing that, Sadaharu obediently spits out his head, retreating his front paws from his shoulders. Instead, he starts to gently lick the saliva-soaked hood that is still on his head, trying to clean it.

Gintoki can't hold it in any longer. He takes off the hood (somehow also quick enough to stuff it into his kimono's front inner pocket) and hugs Sadaharu, who in tacit understanding once again swallows his head whole. Miraculously, the unconscious Shinpachi remains firmly on his back without falling during all this messy movements.

Ah, it's time to realize some life lesson again. It's been like this a lot lately. I'm really getting old.

A tear falls from the corner of Gintoki's eye, mixing with Sadaharu's saliva and the blood from his head.

The real growing-up means inevitable separation, but he always believes that no matter where in the world or even in space they would go, the hearts of the Yorozuya members would always be connected.

But, but... besides separation, longing is also inevitable. When the other family members are away and he's alone, he can't help but think back to the Yorozuya of the past, the days when he had a gormandizing bun-headed violent geroine* and a non-standout-too-ordinary snarky tsukkomi with glasses by his side, and also not to forget a giant white dog that loved to crawl on people and used his head as a chewing stick. Unconditional trust in each other, yet ready to betray for personal benefits. Wherever one of them wants to go, the others will follow, to the corners of the world or even the universe, even if just to buy a copy of Weekly Shonen Jump magazine.

Am I a little too greedy? Gintoki often thinks to himself. That he already has a real family.

No, they're part of a family too. Kabukicho, Edo City, Japan, Earth, even across the universe, no matter where the idiots are from, isn't it all just one big family?

As Shoyou-sensei had taught them to sing, "Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state," although he had no idea what the language was back then, everyone was singing happily, "...then nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started. Wait...*"

WAAAAAAIT!!! Are you seriously going to interrupt me at such a touching moment? 649MonHun you bastaaaaaaaaard!!!

"—Uooohhhh Sadaharu get out of the way!!!! You arrogant Gin-chan IMPOSTER!!! Not only did you kidnap Shinpachi but also putting your filthy claws on tempting and abducting Sadaharu huh??!!! Are you trying to break Yorozuya's fame you asshole?!!!!"

Sadaharu moves out of the way compliantly, but Gintoki behind him doesn't.

Oi, oi don't get me wrong! This isn't because Gin-san is from a parallel universe, with a human-shaped glasses frame on his back, a giant dog just blocking in front of him, and already 41 years old, about to step on the final stage of life called climacteric— ABSOLUTELY NOT! It's just Gin-san I don't want to get out of the way! Just that!!!!!!!

Gintoki doesn't even grunt as Kagura's kick lands on him, is sent flying out along with the still unconscious Shinpachi behind him. Shinpachi's body hit the wooden railing and stops, but the glasses themselves continue to fly out with Gintoki, whom the latter spins for countless circles in the air before freefalling, landing face-first in the still-uncleaned vomit on the first floor eaves.

"... Do you really think so?"

The author 6H4M9 suddenly appears, with the falling scene frozen in the background. Just like the monkey that finally typed out a complete collection of Shakespeare's works in an infinite amount of time, 6H4M9, typing in a Word document on its laptop, now plays this line from a Broly MAD frequently-used famous quotes video. Then, 6H4M9 interlaces its fingers, places them under its nose, and a subtle, eerie smile appears at the corners of its mouth.

"Of course not." Another line is played from the bugged Golden Wind video(funny)* from nearly decades ago!

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE how many more words do you have to waste, how many irrelevant, obscure old jokes do you have to throw into this piece of shit before you're satisfied?" The Gintoki of main universe can't stand it any longer, so he throws the comb that he's been doomed to use for the whole morning on Hio's braid at the author like a dart. "I'm begging you! I'll give you 300 yen so please fucking end this pointless blabber now, right away, in one paragraph! Okay!? Gin-san's going crazy on braiding a little girl's permhead! If you keep doing this it'll never end! Not in 3,000 words, let alone 5,000! This isn't a scientific essay so why is it dragging on so long and boring??!!!!"

"S-sorry, I'm leaving now..." "Get OUT!"

Thus, to summarize, Sakata Gintoki (41) from a parallel fanfic universe's present condition isn't kicked by Kagura and sent flying out like how that was portrayed a few paragraphs ago. Having survived the Final Arc and accumulated ample experience fighting with kids— real kids, his two little curly balls at home, Gintoki reflexively blocks Kagura's attack, then grasps her ankle and slings her lightly onto Sadaharu.

"...What?" Kagura is confused when she realizes she is lying on Sadaharu's soft, thick white fur. The "target" she had just attacked— no, tried to attack— is now standing behind her, pulling out a "weapon" from the inner pocket of his kimono...

The situation has reversed, with the attacker becoming the target.

With two loud knocks, Kagura collapses on Sadaharu again, drooling. The latter has already flopped down and yawns.

This time, Gintoki doesn't immediately put away the Patriot. He walks inside and places Shinpachi against the wall by the entrance. Then he drags Kagura inside as well, lays her down next to Shinpachi.

"Sadaharu, come in to sleep. You'll catch cold sleeping outside even it's late spring," He calls to Sadaharu, who is dozing off in the doorway under the influence of the Patriot. Hearing Gintoki's words, Sadaharu wobbles in with half-closed eyelids, lies down beside Kagura, nuzzles her cheek, and falls asleep as well.

"Alright. Everyone's been nice kids. So the only one left..." Gintoki leans against the wall, his hands tightly gripping the rod of SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17, fully prepared for a strike, silently waiting for himself on the other side of the wall.

Speaking of which, this will be the first time he truly faces off against "himself"—not an inner Hollow clone, not some training session by Mr. Popo at God's Temple, or some mental illusion created by Kurama, but the very real 27-year-old Sakata Gintoki, protagonist of a continuous manga on the Weekly Shonen Jump magazine!

A person's greatest enemy in their life would certainly be themselves. He has always wanted to see just how much of a sadist he can be, being called Shiroyasha, in the eyes of others— that's something one's unable to see just by glancing into the mirror. He will need abundant imperilment (or coercion and inducement) and patience (or knowing his nature really well) to force Shiroyasha's unwilling claws and fangs from beneath the indolent exterior shell called Sakata Gintoki. Of course, for a fickle person like Gintoki, his actions are unpredictable, he may shilly-shally for one moment but then raids the next.

The 41-year-old Sakata Gintoki thinks he is qualified as a challenger.

Countdown in 30 seconds... ONE!!!

The moment he senses the murderous intent, Gintoki swings the Patriot with no hesitation—

*Bam! "—Beeeeeeppp..."

It did hit the target. But almost by the same time, the Patriot sends out a low-battery warning.

"Oi." Sakata Gintoki (27) of the main universe, who was hit in the face, murmurs through the tissue box of the Patriot. "The hell you think you're doing?"

Sakata Gintoki (41) of the FW_GT#1086-FD universe, who stopped dead in his tracts, now is sweating profusely. Falling short at this critical moment!!!!!!! (How? How??) ...There's no other way!!!!

He does not answer, but uses the Patriot as a normal weapon and launches a violent barrage of blows at his main universe self until the latter falls to the ground with a big bump on his head and loses consciousness.

Heh... It is indeed best for a family all to be together. Gintoki (41) wipes off the sweat with a tissue from the blood-stained Patriot. The next moment, he notices Hio standing by the bathroom door in absolute dead silence, she was about to enter the kitchen.

"Hio-chan~" He throws away the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17, which is already half-damaged, and opens his arms wide to his daughter, "Daddy is here to take you home!"

*Thomp. The door is shut closed, once again separates the space of kitchen and bathroom.

Chapter Text

Ikotin Gatakas hurried out of the living room to "answer the phone", he closed the door when left.

"What's the need for sneaking out like that?" Gintoki (27) was already suspicious of him, but due to the adult concerns of respecting other's privacy, he didn't follow Shinpachi and Kagura to eavesdrop by the door. "Did his wife find out? Hey listen, mini permhead, how many people in your family know that you ran away from home?"

"..."

Hio's head is still down and does not give an answer. Her mind is full of images of two worlds getting closer and closer, colliding with each other, and then causing a huge explosion and everyone is dead everything is gone...Her real father had found her, but the big mistakes had been made. The SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17 was not only out of battery but also scrapped. At this point, she could not spoil anything more, or else...

Stop the loss in time... Gintoki (41) was cleaning up the scene with bloodstains on his body, mumbling to himself before everyone woke up.

She has been too willful.

Hio, it's not your fault. At that time, her father's voice came to her through the door. The situation has worsen to a point like this, and he still had the boldness to understate it that way.

It's dad's fault for not able to notice your feelings at once. I'll explain it to you when we get home. So let's solve the problems first, and then go home together, sounds good?

You can be angry with dad, but you can't be angry with yourself.

"Hey, how long are you going to keep your head down like that? It's not good for your cervical spine, you know?" The younger Gintoki, now also eavesdropping in front of the door with Shinpachi, Kagura and Sadaharu, turns his head to look at her again. Seeing that she hasn't moved a bit, he just continues his persuasion: "If it's self-introspection, it's long enough already, okay? I forgive you... ("Gin-san! Ssssh...!") Oh shit..."

Ikotin clearly has noticed that they are tapping by the door, so he decides to walk down the hallway and proceeds to go outside.

Gintoki (41) walks out of the living room and slides close the door behind him. Soundproofing of walls in Yorozuya is not very good, so closing the door feels like wasting effort, but that's not what he cares about right now.

He takes out the inter-universal transceiver and tries to establish connection, it succeeds at once. However, the screen somehow malfunctioned and blacked out, turning the conversation into voice-only that is no different from a normal voice call on the phone.

"Hello, this is Chirico, please speak."

Just as he switches the calling mode to intercom mode, the voice that he least wants to hear at the moment comes from the other side: "Darling, what's goin' on?"

"Ah! Ah...hon-honey... have you already picked up Shu-chan? Um, well, I've also reached—"

"Sakata Gintoki."

"A-a-at your command—!"

"Set tha' thin' back to callin' mode."

"Yes ma'am..." Gintoki (41) switches the button with a slightly trembling finger, mentally preparing himself for the storm.

"First 'f all, what's with tha' 60,000+ yen bill on the credit card?"

"It's... for the time-travel tickets. The smaller amount above 60,000 is for the tax."

"--Huh?! WHY WOULD A ROUND-TRIP TICKET FER ADULT 'N A ONE-WAY RETURN FER CHILD CAUSE 60,000 YEN?!" He hears his wife's furious and then more heavy-accented roaring voice faded to one side. She probably turned around and is now yelling at Gengai aside, "Don-fucgin' kiddin' me! Even black-mailin' has a limit!"

"Uh, well..." "--M-mom..." Gintoki wipes the cold sweat from his forehead and waits quietly for the noises on the other side of the transceiver to end. One thing he can always be sure of is that, it's always a right choice to leave disputes evolve money to his wife.

"Today, no, in 3 hours, return all the money tha' ya shouldn't hav' taken! This is the last respect I have on ya, Gramp."

No wonder that's his woman, she doesn't even need to mention any consequences while threatening the others.

"--Gintoki."

"I'm here!"

"Do ya still have the tickets? The'er both there alright?"

"Yes, I'm holding them in my hand right now." Gintoki fumbles out those round-trip tickets: 2 pieces of small, translucent, light green sheets. The time-travel tickets are made in acrylic and can be recycled after use, for environmental protection. They are also made into various colors for distinguish— the one-way tickets are blue for adults and pink for children, while the round-trip ones are light green for adults and light yellow for children. Besides the colors, another difference is round-trip tickets being foldable from the middle. When the locating device inside those tickets detects a time travel happening, the [departure] half will lose its color and automatically fold behind the [return] half. It will not be reset into fully-available until the entire ticket is used and deposited into the time machine for recycle.

The existential crisis surely is horrifying... Even someone like him was scared out of his shit and lost his wits back then, compromised after being threatened so lightly like that, and then got ripped off... That old coot! Gintoki (41) stares at the still blank [return date] box on the ticket. All of a sudden, he grows a strong desire to drink some canned iced strawberry milk.

Damn, I really wanna go home. Just go back and have a drink with Shinpachi tonight... When will Kagura be back? Is it next week or... Oh, next week is the, um, the how many years reunion for the Joui-shishi survivors?  Okay. He'll wait until then to drink.

Then, he unconsciously notices 4 pairs of totally undisguised, straightforward gazes from behind.

Geezes cries*...what do you think you are doing you dumbasses??! Don't bring out unnecessary troubles at this critical moment!

Gintoki (41) scratches his hair that has grown some length to cover half of his nape in annoyance, then decides to simply walk outside.

"... I'll urge Gengai-gi* to repair tha' time machine as soon as possible, then notify ya two ta return atta' correspondin' location."

"Okay." Gintoki (41) has already come to the outside balcony of Yorozuya and slides shut the wooden gate(?) behind him.

"Where's Hio? Have ya found out what she's upset 'bout?"

"Not yet... But our little girl is quite clever, running back 'home' on her own. It's just...the Patriot is out of battery now." Gintoki doesn't dare to tell her the truth. "Well, honey, the following is just pure speculation, just my own guess..."

"What? Stop being so coy. If ya have something ta say, just say it."

"I... I have a feeling she might have accidentally seen it... Um, has Shu-chan told you about the note?"

"What note?" He hears her voice turns to the side again and is asking their son: "Shusetsu, what's the note Dad was talking about?"

"Ah, um..." The transceiver can only vaguely pick up a faint sound from the surrounding.

"On a second thought, forget that. It's no big deal. I'll explain to you later after I get back... Anyway I've found Hio safely, so everything will be fine. Um, is Gengai-gi still conscious? I need to talk to him for a sec."

"...Shusetsu." He hears the rustling sound of handing the transceiver to someone else.

"Dad, Gramp Gengai got nailed to the wall by Mom in rage just then, and he's repairing his mechanical limbs now... I can tell he's not in the mood."

"Serves the old coot well! Heh! Still a hundred years too early to be ripping off Gin-san no matter who you are!...Alright now, give the walkie-talkie to him. If the old man doesn't have a spare hand to hold it, help him hold it for a while. I have something urgent to ask him."

"'kay, I got it." Shusetsu's helpless voice comes out of the transceiver along with his footsteps. Then, the noise of welding approaches from afar.

"Gramps, Dad said he has something urgent to ask you." The loud welding noise almost drowns out Shusetsu's voice.

"Eh? What now? I don't want to talk to him now!" The welding pauses briefly, replaced by the hoarse, impatient voice of old Gengai. "What kind of trouble are you looking for this time, Ginnoji*?! Seriously... I've had enough! Your little girl, your wife, your whole family is a freaking mess of trouble! Only Shuki-chan is better and stays out of the mud..."

"Woah, it's been ages since I've heard you call me that, old coot! That's for one, remember to buy me a drink after we're back."

"Cut the crap!" Gengai's mood doesn't sound any lighter. "If you have to fart, fart!"

"Well, the Patriot is out of battery, and... well, it seems... a little... how should I put it? Uh..."

"Blah! No big deal! Charge it with a USB cable! If nothing else I'm hanging up!"

"No, no, wait! I mean... it seems like I may have broken it. Don't get me wrong I only mean it seems okay? It seems broken! I'm not a professional so I can't tell! As a result, can you consider, like, maybe sending another one over for me?"

"What!?! The fuck you mean broken you absolute idiot!? That's the latest model!!! Do you have your butt and your brain switched places growing up?!"

"Hey, hey hold it Gramps! Don't make a fuss in front of my kid you old mecha zombie! Haven't you heard that it's ill manner to scold a father in front of his son?!" Gintoki (41) closes his eyes. He can almost see Shusetsu's expression at the other end. The hell is wrong with the old man today?

Ikotin went outside, so there is no point in peeping and eavesdropping through the crack of the door now. In addition, at this point, there is no need for the three of Yorozuya to continue eavesdropping.

"Gin-san/Gin-chan..." Shinpachi and Kagura look at the younger Sakata Gintoki of their universe and speak at the same time.

"I think I remember something now..." Shinpachi rubs where he got hit by the SD Patriot ZZZ-MK17 on the head again. Turns out that breaking the spell of short-term memory loss is very simple— it just needs that person to admit he is "Sakata Gintoki", and then all the fragments that were once quick-frozen and blurred by the thick, artificial "ice layer" would naturally melt, becoming as clear and transparent as a stream of flowing spring river.

He now recalls, at that time, after pulling off the translucent hood, the expression shown on that man's face was a smile of nostalgia.

"Yeah... me too," Kagura shakes her head, the two light purple tassels on her hair ornaments sway with the movement.

The sound the man made when his head being swallowed by Sadaharu was the same as the satisfied murmur made by Gintoki after replenishing his sugar content, although this Gintoki (27) standing next to them would never make the same sound whenever Sadaharu bites him.

"Oh really?" Gintoki (27) touches the big bump on his head, still careless, "why do I only remember being attacked by a patriot-looking Amanto... really caught Gin-san off guard for once huh? At first felt like a rookie, then that thing gobbled some rubbish as if mocking me, then it—" "—Gin-san!" Shinpachi interrupts him at once. "The most important thing is that person— he can also be Gin-san... He is you isn't it?! Gin-san!"

"—Because that is Gin-chan from the future, it makes sense why Hio-chan calls you dad!" Kagura has figured something out and now is very sure of it, saying out loud, "So even people like Gin-chan can have a happy, bright future... That's great news! Gin-chan you were right, one can't judge a person by mere appearance!"

"If that's the case then we have nothing to do with it now, okay?" Gintoki (27) walks back to the couch and sits down, puts his right foot on his left leg, leans back, and starts picking his nose: "So, just let my future self handle the shit and then everyone can all go home and find their moms. Good to hear. The end. Bye! Hey Shinpachi, if you have nothing to do, go start on the laundry."

"Gin-san/Gin-chan!!!" Shinpachi and Kagura both rush over to him at once, one grabbing his shoulders and the other pinching his face and shout: "Aren't you curious about this at all?! The time machine! The time travel! The future!"

"Shut up! Geeze you two are some noisemakers... Gin-san has already experienced that kind of hassle once in the movie okay! Leave me alone!" Gintoki (27) splits the booger he had picked out into two and quickly sticks them on the foreheads of Shinpachi and Kagura respectively. Ignoring their disgusted complaints and screaming, he continues on his own: "Traveling through time and space is something only adolescents like you who still have a lot of blank to be filled in in life would be interested in. Life is not that easy to change just because you want to, you hear me dumbasses! If one could really use a time machine at will, everyone could have any of their wish come true! But really, think about it, how could such thing be possible to achieve? It would only cause chaos, calamities! —Just like knowing the contents of Weekly Shonen Jump in the next 10 years will leave no one interested in buying it anymore, knowing what will happen in the future will make time, effort, process and many other things become completely meaningless! That's something too pathetic and horrifying to happen!"

"That's right."

"See?" Gintoki (27) closes his eyes and nods. "...Eh?"

The person who agreed with him turns out to be "himself". The other Gintoki (41) has already come back into the living room and again closed the door behind him.

"When did you come back?!" Gintoki (27) is startled. He directly stands up from the couch. "You—"

"Looks like neither the Patriot nor the lame trick is able to deceive anyone but myself." He sees that other self blink his violet eyes and smile helplessly. Then, that man presses one side of the temple area lightly with a finger, and his entire head and neck instantly turned into a blurry block of colors.

"All this effort but just a waste of time...knowing that himself has a head hard as a rock but still insisted on using an almost dead Patriot, in the end, both'd be scrapped." He mutters to himself as he pulls off the translucent hood and finally reveals his true face in front of the Yorozuya members of the main universe. In comparison with the disguised appearance of "Ikotin", the only change is the color of his eyes.

The violet returns to the dark red of burgundy wine. And the man with familiar look smiles.

"Damn it, those hits hurt as hell!" Gintoki (27) frowns and starts complaining loudly, "It fu-frigging hurts so much! You did that on purpose didn't you! Bastard! To be that cruel to yourself?! Freaking beardo!"

"The one who did not hesitate to kill both his future and past selves in the movie has no right to criticize another self," Gintoki (41)'s smile does not fade away. He sits down next to Hio and continues: "Besides, you are the Sakata Gintoki 14 years younger than me. If a man like that can't even take a Patriot strike, I don't expect him to be capable of fighting those final battles in the future."

"Tch, that's none of your business, graybeard." Gintoki (27) turns his head away, deliberately not looking at the older version of himself.

"But Dad..." Hio is pulling his sleeve with worry. She has been holding back for a while and didn't dare to speak.

"It'll be alright, don't worry." Gintoki (41) carries her up to sit on his lap. "Sorry, Hio-chan, Daddy was being over exaggerated earlier. It won't lead to that kind of serious consequences if we let it slip."

Right. He was stressing too much over the existential crisis after the revelation of worldview, and he sure did underestimate the other self's ability to accept such a world setting, especially ever after the Yorozuya Forever movie.

"—Since it's a parallel universe."

"Eh...eeehhhhh——??!"

Since Gin-san (41) himself meant it was not a big deal, Kagura and Shinpachi no longer hold the concerns anymore. They both squeeze forward to him to start a long list of Q&A: "What do you mean by parallel universe?—" "—Is that an alternative world? So multiverse?" "—Can time machine actually travel between parallel universes? Then which world are you from?..." "Hey, hey, don't hurry and talk at the same time! One question one time..."

Gintoki (27) yawns and watches the crowded couch across the tea table.

It's becoming hard to watch.

What? What is it? Surrounding that asshole...what’s so good about an ossan with naturally curly hair and naturally curly beard anyway?

He simply stands up and speaks out loudly on purpose: “I’m leaving. Need a nap.” No one seems to care or react at the moment. Seeing that, Gintoki (27) just goes back into the washitsu without a glance back.

Taking off his kimono and not even bothering to change the clothes under that, he lies down, back to his still-unmade futon, pulls the quilt over his head, and curls up inside the dim space he had created for himself.

Who cares about a happy, bright future that graybeard is boasting about? Screw it. Screw you all. Didn’t Gin-san teach you all that cherishing the present is the most important thing? Besides, it’s only 14 years, it’d be gone in a blink. Why so impatient about the future? What’s so tempting huh? Gintoki (27) covers his ears with his hands. He had hardly slept earlier since that curly-haired little girl arrived. Right, only because of that natural curly, snotty kid (and maybe the hangover too). Anyway, since there are no commissions today... He carefully closes his eyes and tries to regulate his breathing.

That damned graybeard and all this mess are just a dream. Just treat those as a dream. They will all disappear when he wakes up.

Gintoki (27) opens his eyes again. He soon notices the sky outside the window frame had been dyed orange-red by the falling sun.

The endless, fiery-like clouds are rushing and rolling away, towards one direction under the dusk wind.

He sits up from the quilt. It had been a relatively sound sleep without any nightmares, which was rare for him.

Not even a single dream. No familiar hauntings by ghosts from the past.

Gintoki then gets to his feet and walks to the other side of futon to pick up his kimono, obi and belt he had thrown on the floor earlier, but finds them neatly folded and placed together.

"Hio helped arrange them together." The door of the washitsu slides open a crack, and the light from the living room leaks in, but much of it is then quickly blocked by a tall figure.

"You are still here?" Gintoki (27) hides his frustration. He puts on his kimono, ties the obi then the belt, and comes out. Compared to the darkening sky outside, the bright light from the bulb on the living room ceiling is too dazzling.

"The time machine hasn't been fully repaired yet. Even if we want to go back, there's no way." Gintoki (41) walks back to the couch and sits down, picking up an opened Weekly Shonen Jump magazine left on the tea table earlier: "Tea? If you don't mind it a little cold now."

Gintoki (27) ignores him and picks up one of the teacups on the table, finishes the rest left in it, all in one gulp.

"That was my cup of tea." "Does it matter if they belong to the same person?"

"...You are not wrong."

"Hey, that's my Jump issue, right?" "Do you remember what you just said? Does it matter if they belong to the same person?"

"..."

Gintoki (27) frowns deeply now. He stares at the other self, supposedly another him from a parallel universe who is only 14 years older. And married. And has a fucking kid or two. He doesn't hate his own look, but that doesn't mean he doesn't hate his face after growing a beard, which makes the appearance look even older as the beard is in a whitish-silver color, well, the same color as his hair, and it wasn't very thick.

What?! What is this fuss?! Pretending to be a respected, intellectual, mature adult figure... Has life worn down your blades you fucking imbecile? Even your dick and balls included I think! The sword or screwdriver or whatever in your heart has become limp like an uninflated long balloon haven't you! Have you entered climacteric early? You puny coward, uxorious, henpecked fucking graybeard!

Of course. Why not? The annoying face is still annoying no matter if it's the first time or after many years.

Gintoki (41) detects the strong gaze from his other self in silence and puts down the Jump magazine in his hands.

"You seem to have misunderstood something." He starts the conversation first.

"I'm not here to steal your main protagonist role. I'm here just to take my daughter home."

"Heh! You think I'd take a man seriously when he can't even take care of his own daughter?" Gintoki (27) finally sits down on the long couch on the opposite side. Speaking of stealing the protagonist's spot just reminds him of Kintoki that asshole, whose appearance, voice and actions are all infuriating. "This is so annoying. How long are we going to keep putting the brackets and age after name? You know I'm not the only one who's tired of it!"

"Well then, how about you nicknamed as Gin-chan and I as Gin-san?"

"There's no need for the kind of nicknames that have no difference at all! Ossan, have all your brain cells died like the hair follicles of Kagura's baldy dad?! Can't you come up with a better idea?"

"Sounds like you are confident enough to give some, so how about you come up with one?"

"Piece of cake! How about I'm the handsome Gin-san and you the beardo weirdo?"

"Hey, you know we're actually the same person, right?"

"What? You unhappy now? Well that's unfortunate. I'll just call you Dickotin again then. Satisfied? After all, Gin-san is just that unique, there can only be one Gin-san."

"That would confuse the already confused readers even more." Gintoki (41) feels a twitch at the corner of his lips.

Goddamn it could you please stop harping on that awkward pseudonym I came up with on a whim, my other self?!? Nobody told me that a 27-year-old Sakata Gintoki could really need a good beating! Who is this arrogant, conceited, coxcomb bastard abusing the protagonist's power to do whatever he wants!? Was I really that annoying in the past days?

As expected, no matter how many years has been since the last time seeing that annoying face, seeing it again still gives the same annoyance.

Finally, after wasting a few minutes (thankfully not hours), the 2 Sakata Gintokis reached an agreement on nicknames to distinguish themselves in front of the readers. Gintoki (27) of the main universe will still be Gintoki or Gin-san, and Gintoki (41) from the the FW_GT#1086-FD universe will be Old Gin.

What? You ask why not call him Toki-san? Well because it sounds nothing like a Jump manga/anime protagonist but like someone from a light novel*. And it sounds weird, vulgar. It's no better than Graytoki, or Beardtoki, or graybeard, or beardo weirdo or silver flavor savor or permustachio or pubic cunt face or MADAO junior or whatever the fuck comes out the brainstorm. I swear. 

"...Actually, the person I most want to share my experiences with, is you— after all, you are the past me. Although it's a parallel universe, the past history is essentially the same as the main universe. So I've experienced everything you've experienced in the past, and all the other things you will experience in the future."

Old Gin takes a sip of cold tea from another cup.

"Oi, NO SPOILERS. I don't wanna hear any of that."

"Don't worry about that. I won't tell you anything about the main universe's future."

"Main universe?..."

"Yes. The Gintama universe you are in."

"Then you are..." It reminds Gintoki of the entire parallel universe thing Old Gin was mentioning the whole time.

"I am Sakata Gintoki from the FW_GT#1086-FD universe."

"The hell is that trashy long number and code? What in tarnation... It's not a production number is it?"

"Of course not! According to the humanoid alien author typing on a Word document, it's the 1086th fanwork of Gintsu created from a final delusion, therefore a parallel universe of the Gintama fanwork category. You should have met the author before, right? Didn't it mention anything about this to you?"

"No, that thing just said it was a normal straight relationship, and the other half is someone I know..." What is this weird ambience... are him and the graybeard getting acquainted now and going into some weird aibo and the other me* vibe? Gintoki gets a chill thinking on that with some resisting mood.

"If you don't want to know, I won't tell you." Old Gin says, staring into the same burgundy eyes of him, his younger, main-universe self.

"Uh... what a hassle! You know, I'm not really that interested..."

"Then just ask indirectly, I'll give concise hints, and you can sort it out yourself."

"Do we really have to be this secretive? The readers would complain it's too long and boring." Gintoki leans back, now is putting his legs on the tea table. "You know, I actually don't care that much..."

"It's fine. The humanoid author said it was just some fanfic for its own enjoyment with no popularity."

"That kind of comment shouldn't be shown on TV anime or in Jump manga... But somehow I feel like that damned gorilla had left something similar before."

"Whatever. It's not a big deal anyway—" the two both say in unison.

"Okay then... I'll ask now?" Gintoki nervously scratches his cheek with a finger. "Ketsuno Ana—"

"No." Old Gin interrupts firmly at once, almost unable to hold back his disappointment.

"…knew it!" Gintoki slams his fist on the tea table surface, nearly knocking over the teacups. "I don't want to continue anymore."

"Really? What about the rest…"

"...Okay when?"

"2 years after the end of the main universe timeline."

"And she is not Pinko*, right?"

"Come on, that's a virtual game character, relatively nonexistent in physical world, even in our universes."

"Are you sure you're not dreaming—" "—I'm a living person just like you. Hio wasn't adopted, cloned, or asexually reproduced by mitosis."

"...How many?"

"Fraternal twins, a boy and a girl. Actually I was thinking about a third child lately…"

"So the person who called earlier was…"

"Bingo. Shusetsu(柊刹) was there at the time."

"What the hell is that name?! Why is it pronounced like that and written into those two kanji characters?!"

"Because the kids were born on a snowy day, but it came and went just as quickly*, as a result…"

"No no no my point is why are the boy's name and the girl's so different in...in the fucking style?!" Gintoki stares at the older self across from the table with bewilderment. "Tell me you didn't come up with that lousy name yourself!"

"Well you are not wrong, wasn't me. Zura picked the kanji character 柊 for 'Shu' and... Oi, OI! Don't brag on your own taste okay?! You once named a noble a scat-thrower*!"

"Because that's the truth!!! —No, don't fucking distract me with that cursed craptapult monkey now!! Besides, that doesn't explain why the naming styles between the boy and the girl are so different!"

"Because we had to split in two groups, her side came up with the name Hio... Man, you have no idea how devastated I was at first. They both have natural curls—BOTH! TWO OUT OF TWO! I thought it might be from soaking in their mom's womb for too long that they had the hair curled up, and that they would just be fine, fine normal straight hair after drying out. But after drying the hair became even curlier! Are you fucking kidding me?! So fluffy and lush! AND CURLY! It's like a perfect copy-and-paste, scaled-down, and re-colored version of my own natural curls... And yet her hair is so beautiful, smooth and straight like silk, but it DID NOT got inherited to the fucking permhead pubs."

"Speaking of that, is there any woman we know who doesn't have straight hair?" Gintoki asks, resting a hand on his cheek. He has already laid down on his side on the couch.

“...No? Oh wait, but I can only think of one person.” Old Gin crosses his arms on the chest, head bows down and tries to recall more possibilities.

“Yeah, yeah, count Ikezawa* as one. Uh, that doesn't kick out any candidates at all.”

“You want a direct hint?”

“......”

“—Hio’s eyes. They’re only a little dead-fish, but the color resembles much to her mother’s.”

“Based on that pattern of inheritance trait, I assume your son'd have the color of her hair and that of your eyes? Such a clichéd CP-child model... It’s really a stretch to describe blood ties with such weak and pale words.” Gintoki sighs, blowing away a small piece of earwax he had just dug out on his pinky. “And your hint is too straightforward! It was not a straight shot but a home run.”

“Isn’t that convenient? Now there's no need to bother guessing around blindly and wasting words.” Old Gin has finished reading the Jump issue in his hands, so he stands up from the couch, walks over to the bookshelf, and puts the magazine back between the other copies.

"So it's that person..." Gintoki turns to his back, folds his arms to put his hands under his head, and lies flat on the couch.

He closes his eyes, stays silent until after a long pause: "...Your taste is awful. Choosing an aggressive violent hellcat who's like a ticking time bomb?"

"Nah. You got it wrong. It was the other way around."

Old Gin walks back to the couch and sits down. Somehow his tone is quite calm.

"I was the one being chosen."

"Huh?! No way! It couldn't be— you're lying..." Gintoki suddenly sits up from the previous lying-down position. It couldn't be. She is...she's too... No way.

"Believe it or not but it was true."

"Hey, it was not the type of situation that you two got drunk and had sex and then got her pregnant, right?" Gintoki is getting a little frightened now. Even though it was a parallel universe, the personalities of the same characters wouldn't be that different, right? He, and she...

...neither of them was easy to deal with. And still is.

"...more or less."  To his surprise, Old Gin is blushing now. Oi what the fuck, get your shit together, aibo!!!

"No fucking way, you..." Gintoki almost loses to contain himself. You're definitely kidding! No matter how ridiculous and outrageous Gintama is and has been, it's always the main protagonist Sakata Gintoki as the dominant side isn't it?! How could someone like him being forced into... Impossible! He absolutely doesn't believe it! Even if it happened in a parallel universe...

"For the love of...please! Please tell me that wasn't real! Besides, neither a Gundam nor Gin-san's wood could rise upon and stand on the land* in that plastered state, right?! So—could it be that she just dragged you out and got you beaten for 10 minutes? That's it! It was just a 10-minute beating, and then came back crying and ragged*, right?"

"Honestly I can't really remember. It was over a decade ago after all. I think it was at a party at a Karaoke box... After that, the more sober folks put it down to just some kind of cajoling and brawling, and then we got kicked out because the noise was too...well, wild I guess. It wasn't a shotgun marriage though. Otherwise what's the difference between me and Kagura's baldy dad?"

"Then...then what about the two hundred million?"

"..."

"Oi? Don't fall silent all of a sudden? It's scary you know..."

"Hmph." Old Gin suddenly laughs once, now with a complacent smug on his face.

"You have no idea how many hundred millions had she squeezed out of me."

Chapter Text

While the two Sakata Gintokis are still heatedly discussing how to simplify their names on the second floor, dinner had already been served at the Otose Snackbar on the first floor. After Kagura and Shinpachi explained the situation to the old landlord lady ("Huh? A guy like him could find a partner, get married, and have children?! God bless you poor kids... Little girl, your father didn't abuse you, did he?"), the tavern made an exception this evening and closed early to accommodate a special little guest with silver natural curly hair.

Hio is sitting between Kagura and Shinpachi in front of the bar table. Seeing that their dishes have been placed on the front bar surface one by one, Hio clasps her hands together, joins the two younger Yorozuya members to deliver the phrase before meal: "Itadakimasu*." She then scoops a large spoonful of steaming omelet rice from her plate and blows on it for a few times before shoving it into her mouth.

"How does it taste? Good?"

Otose is standing behind the bar, watching her exhale the heat as she covers her mouth. Usually the regular customers of her tavern, aside from the teens of Yorozuya, are mostly adults. It's been quite a while for another child customer, the last time she cooked an omelet rice dish was for Seita.

"Issa bita hot... but delicious. Thank you, Granny Otose!" Hio swallows her food and shows a kind smile. "It tastes better than both Dad's and my brother's version..."

"Eh?! Hio-chan isn't the only child of the family?"

Kagura and Shinpachi exclaim in unison, both put down their dishes, the rice cooker and a normal-size bowl.

"Well... I have an elder brother. Actually, we are twins only born by 5 minutes apart." Hio swallows another mouthful of omu rice before speaking. "Dad didn't want me to talk about it because he was worried that I'd spoil too much information and it would affect the fates of the worlds."

"So Gin-san and Tsukuyo-san have two children," Shinpachi concludes, taking a sip of tea from his cup. "I wonder whose looks and personality your brother takes after... Can you introduce him to us, Hio-chan?"

"Yeah, sure." Hio imitates him and takes a sip of the miso soup.

"My brother's name is Shusetsu. The 'shu' kanji 柊 has 'winter'(冬) beside 'wood'(木), and the 'setsu' kanji 刹 has 'kill'(杀) beside a 'standing sword'(刂) *," she says, writing in the air with her finger: "it was going to to be written as 終刹 (終 meaning the end of something) but I heard that Dad made a mistake when filling out the form, so it ended up being this kanji 柊 instead. Mom said they were debating over the names for too long, that they had to name us separately by two groups, Dad and his side of friends figuring out the boy's name while Mom and her side thinking about the girl's."

"So it's read as 'shū-setsu'(しゅうせつ) and written as 柊刹 in kanji..." Shinpachi has asked Otose for a piece of paper and a pen to write down the words for Kagura to understand. "This feels...bizarre. To have such a name...it feels like a name Gin-san would give but also not. A bit out of context if you don't mind."

"It feels intense murderous, no?"

"Well that's because the name literally has the kanji 刹 that has 'kill'(杀) as part of it..."

"I think the name fits him well... If you ever have a chance to meet my brother you'd know what I mean. He has red eyes like Dad, but the corners of his eyes are sharply pointed up like Mom's. He's also fierce and bossy. If you resist him he gets physical... though we'd never fought before."

"That still sounds better than my baka-aniki... he gives a very responsible impression don't you think?" Kagura nods. "Just as expected of being a child of Tsukki— talking about taking the essence and discarding the dross within the genes, yes?"

"No, he's childish! At least more childish than me..." Hio seems not approving on that. She takes the paper and pen Shinpachi left on the table and begins to draw: " He's no older than me but always getting the upper hand... I mean come on, even I don't wear pajamas that have cartoon patterns on them now, but he's still wearing Totoro pajamas..."

She soon stops drawing, seemingly disappointed that the doodle isn't good enough to show what she meant, so she crosses it out.

Kagura and Shinpachi lean over to take a look at the portrait that has a cross on it, as the paper now has been tossed on the table: beneath the messy natural curls are a pair of tightly knitted eyebrows and upturned eyes with two very obvious lower lashes, a closely-shut mouth and a small pigtail fluffy like a mini feather duster.

"Brother's hair is in the same light green color as Mom's," Hio says, pointing on the head of the portrait, which was drawn as jutting out in all directions: "And because of that as well as his red eyes, Uncle Katsura thought it resemble the flowers and berries of holly, he came up with the kanji character 柊."

"Speaking of which, it's probably a leftover problem from the animation team's coloring..." Shinpachi takes over the conversation and adds, "Tsukuyo-san has blonde hair in the colored pages of the manga."

"It's the gorilla's fault, no? —Just like the problem with Gin-san's eyes. Coloring in the wrong way that often in those colored pages, sometimes gray, one time blue, other times black or red... just like a cosmetic contact lens commercial, no?"

"Oh? So this was happening in the main universe before..."

"Yeah, and not the first time— that gorilla thought he could do whatever he wanted just because it's a black-and-white manga, bastard!"

Upstairs in the Yorozuya, the two Sakata Gintokis, now Gintoki and Old Gin, are locked in a standoff in the kitchen.

Gintoki (27) looks at his parallel-universe self (41) in horror, as the latter drinks up some indescribable mixture from a glass. After finishing in one gulp, he lets out a refreshing sigh like the celebrities would do on the TV commercials after having some iced beverage.

"Is this... is this really something a human being can consume?!" Gintoki takes a step back, clutching the carton of strawberry milk in his arms desperately. "I-I know strawberry milk is delicious, and sake is delicious too, just like sushi and ramen are both delicious, but mixing sushi and ramen to eat together is abominable, right? Right?! Are your tongue and stomach stilI functioning?! You won't die from food-poisoning right?!"

"Tch, c'mon, I don't remember being such a coward when I was younger. Gimme that!" Old Gin has already adeptly poured a little sake in the glass— only a thin layer at the very bottom— and continues: "Alcohol is one of the things that's basically impossible for a man to completely quit! In a year or two, you'll find some new drinks in Kabukicho called cocktails. Most of them are very low in alcohol content— in fact, they've been around in Edo for a while, but the stick-in-the-mud mooks in this crappy town-village are all too stubborn to accept something new as mixed drinks. Well, you can say the same for Tsukki... Now gimme that you dumbass!" He reaches out and snatches the strawberry milk carton away from Gintoki, this time successfully.

"Cold strawberry milk and a mild liquor, 9:1 in volume. I invented it myself, it's called 'affair'..." Old Gin's voice volume comes down as if he's muttering to himself, while he pours the strawberry milk into the glass. "It's not as strong as the real affair cocktail served at the bar or a strawberry daiquiri, but one or two shots are enough to satisfy your cravings while keep you sober at the same time. Tsukki is very strict on drinks but she can't smell the alcohol out of this, hehe."

Gintoki watches him put down the milk carton on the kitchen table with a distressed look. Judging from the sound there's probably none left.

"Don't be shy, come and try this. It's not as bad as you think." Old Gin has finished stirring, and now is pushing the mixed drink into his hand. "In some way it's even money-saving on drinks... You know, raising those two spendy brats isn't any cheaper than the cost you have on your two chowhounds right now."

Gintoki stares into the glass. The light pink, obscure liquid inside looks no different from regular strawberry milk. Again he looks up and back at Old Gin, who had already finished a full glass of the stuff. He still seems sane and okay.

He decides to trust himself for once.

Downstairs, the teens had finished their dinner. After Otose told Tama to put away the used dishes for cleaning, she and Catherine sat behind the bar, together with Shinpachi and Kagura, to listen to the story on the twin's naming as Hio had started talking about it.

"…But then Uncle Kondo refused to accept that too, constantly clamoring about something on not letting the evil flames of joui corrupt the next generation... He almost got into a fight with Uncle Katsura, so Dad's side abandoned the name 'Tenshu' (sounds similar to Tenchū/天誅 or punishment from heaven, a phrase used by the Joui-shishi)."

"Hmm...I agree. It's definitely not suitable." Kagura first agrees.

"It's too personal, even for naming your own child. Too emotional." Otose shares the same opinion.

"Men are really unreliable, all of them, am I right?" Catherine just shrugs and shakes her head.

"Well, then Uncle Hijikata and Uncle Okita on the other side were no different than that." Hio shrugs too and begins to imitate their conversation:

-Boss, I've got an idea. How about 'Touji' (similar to Toshi)?

--Oi you brat, stop whatever the fucg you are thinking! My dad's dead for long!

-Sounds like you have better ideas, Mr. Hijikata? If not then please just shut up and die—

--Who says I don't! Um...eh... Tou-Tougo (similar to Sougo)!

-That's actually not bad. I wouldn't mind being Boss' son's godfather—

"Oi, why does taking over my name meaning I'm calling someone else Dad while taking over yours means someone else is calling you Dad?!" Hio even mimicks the sword-drawing move of a certain someone in rage at that moment: "Believe it or not I'm really going to kill you!!!"

"And I heard from Aunt Kagura of my world that Dad didn't say a word the whole time, but just kept drinking beer in silence..."

"*Pfft—HAhahahahahahahaha!" Kagura and Shinpachi, imagining Gin-san's expression, can't stop themselves from laughing with one slamming the bar table surface and the other leaning on it. Catherine is almost going to roll on the floor. Even Otose can't help but turns around and breaks into pressed laughter.

"Later, Mom told me that Dad was drinking because he was still struggling to accept the fact that both my brother and I have natural curls. Although he had never mentioned it before us, Aunt Kagura and Uncle Shinpachi both said he used to complain about how his natural curls shoo away girls."

"Haha, Gin-san does like to complain about that at times..." Shinpachi finally gets to hold himself to wipe away some tears. "Ri-right, what about us? Had we in your world come up with any interesting names?"

"I agree! After all, those were still just a bunch of ossans talking nonsense—even if Pachi can't bring out a decent name, Ane-go can come up with something nice, right?"

"Well... to be honest, Aunt Tae was insisting on naming Shusetsu after Mr. Inaba from B'z*, but she couldn't come up with any good ideas, so she just settled on 'Shikou'— "

"Isn't that just Koushi (Mr. Inaba's first name) but backwards?!! You've got to be kidding me Aneue.. In the end you are no better on creativity than the dudes!!! And that name sounds terrible!! Why does it sound like a complaint (shikou/shikō can take in kanji form of 歯垢, meaning plaque in Japanese) or it was an accidental birth (shikou also sounds like jiko/事故, 'accident' in Japanese)?!!" Shinpachi cries out his tsukkomi loud with both his hands clutching on his head: "It's no better than Isaac Schneider I swear!!! What about-what about me? I might not have much creativity but I'm on the more reliable side right?? "

"...Uncle Shinpachi, ever since you successfully named Aunt Kagura's child after Otsu-san*, you've been trying to add the kanji 通 or the pronunciation tsu into names for other's child, only to be completely rejected by everyone else and even roasted by Aunt Kagura saying that it's like taking after the Gintsu shipping name."

"Heh, I knew it. No matter which world he's in, Pachi is Pachi, always a groupie nerd." Kagura is finally getting tired on laughing that long time and just asked Tama for a glass of water. "It's a pity I didn't use the name Ginraku*, yes?"

"I remember Aunt Kagura came up with the same name as Uncle Sakamoto and it was 'Manjiro'*. But Dad got mad and tore up Uncle Sakamoto's letter, yelling that real thugs should be named such as Dia or Block... and those later became our nicknames." Hio grumbles in a small voice with her cheek resting on her palm, slightly distressed. "I mean I don't have problems being a diamond, but my brother being a brick is just too boorish, right? We're twins after all."

"Then..." Shinpachi tries to recall who else might have been involved in the boy's naming: "Oh, what about Kyubei-san and Sarutobi-san?"

"Auntie Kyu couldn't really think of one."

"Yeah, that's true. Just think about Jugem-jugem...(the rest omitted) and it'd make sense."

"And Auntie Sacchan was literally banned from participating by Dad. It's said that she was trying to name Shusetsu after the pronunciation of her own name, just with different kanji characters, and then got kicked out."

"...Huh, I can certainly imagine that scenario." Shinpachi adjusts his glasses. "Wait, what about Gin-san himself then? How did he think?"

"...Dad was in a state of collapse since the beginning, drinking non-stop. In the end, he got too drunk and cried, hollering, 'FINE!! Just call them Paa-ko and Paa-nosuke*, 'kay?! You happpy now??! Idiots that don't understand human language!'" Hio tries her best to imitate a drunk Gintoki. Nevertheless, since she has never had the chance to really see her father got inebriated, the imitation is just bad. "Then I heard that because he got too loud, Granny Otose asked Aunt Tama to knock him out."

"Thank god it was not Paa-ko and Paa-nosuke..." Otose shakes her head in relief, suddenly having a craving on getting some cigarette, but she holds it back. There are things like smoking (and many other else) that should not be done or mentioned in front of children.

"It was said that Dad got over it a little the next day he woke up. And he said he had come up with new names: Ginko and Getsu-nosuke*. But Mom didn't like the name Getsu-nosuke (Getsu-no sounds similar to Ketsu-no, referring to both Ketsuno Ana and also literally meaning something "of butt"), so those were given up too. As a result it ended up asking Dad's and Mom's friends and families to come up with names separately. Dad's side taking responsible of my brother's name, and Mom's side in charge of mine."

"In the end it was the same kind of mess just as usual, huh. We were not creative at all. No?" Kagura has stuck her little finger into one nostril, making the "it can't be helped" face. "So Zura nailed 'shu' with the kanji 柊, who came up with the 'setsu' and kanji 刹 in the name?"

"Well... it was Uncle Hasegawa who first determined on the pronunciation of the whole name. He said since the day we were born had a sudden snowfall(驟雪) and soon stopped(終雪), maybe the pronunciation shū-setsu with kanji 柊雪 was best suitable. But Gramp Gengai and Gramp Katakuriko who met at the gate both disagreed, saying that using 雪/snow is too weak and unmanly for a boy's name. Gramp Gengai insisted on 'Shu-toki' (柊時), while Gramp Katakuriko liked the pronunciation 'Shu-setsu', stating it sounds like shū-ketsu/終結, meaning 'the end'... Eventually he came up with the kanji 刹 for 'setsu'."

Oh. So it was from the God of Destruction. Everyone sighs inwardly. No wonder the murderous name. That makes sense now.

"Later Dad also agreed on using 刹 in the name, saying that the kanji is also used in 'Kshatriya' of another language*, despite a different pronunciation. But he never explained to us what a Kshatriya is."

"In compare, it went pretty normal on my side of naming without many twists and turns... Maybe Mom had seen how much a fuss it was on my brother's naming and she decided she had enough. At first, it was said they wanted to start my name with the same kanji 柊 just like my brother, and write it as 柊紀, but Dad didn't like that, saying using the same kanji would make the name less unique, ended up discussing for a longer while... In between Seita nissan had the idea of using kanji 椿 as corresponding to 柊*, but Dad turned that down at once, claiming that the kanji brought back bad memories*, so they discarded it. Finally, Aunt Hinowa thought the kanji form 灯央 look elegant and were easy to write, so it was decided." Hio smiles sheepishly, "actually that was a misunderstanding. Aunt Hinowa thought it was for my brother... Luckily the name is unisex*."

"...What a story, no?"

"Indeed."

Back to upstairs in the kitchen of Yorozuya, or more precisely, on the kitchen floor. Two half-drunk, natural curls sprawl out on the floor, leaning against the cabinets and fridge, surrounded by empty strawberry milk cartons and sake bottles.

"So-so! It must be a curse, y'know? A curse... that all mah kids are born with natural curls... Do you have any idea how we... I-uh, when we were first naming them... *hicc," Old Gin grips his glass by the rim, swirling the liquid inside while mumbling incoherently, "you have no idea how-how devastated I was! Two natural curls! Two out of TWO!"

"Huh? What's wrong with two out of two? Two are also... eh... what is it again?" Gintoki glances downwards at his glass, which is almost empty by this point. Odd, wasn't it 9:1? When was he able to smell alcohol? "It's... it is your fault! Your own bad genes, bastard! How can you blame Tsukki for something like that, aight?! You uxorious henpecked graybeard!...*hig!"

"So!... Back then, I yelled at those idiots who can't even comprehend human language, 'For fuck's sake goddamn it, just call them Paa-ko and Paa-nosuke, you happy now?! Fuck you all!' And then, then..." Old Gin can barely hold his glass, the shaky liquid is spilling out— Gintoki quickly steadies the glass by the bottom with one hand, and soon starts to pry his fingers apart from the rim with the other hand: "Gimme-giff me daht..."

"And then what? Huh? Speak!" He loudly slurs for distraction, finally managing to snatch the remaining "affair" cocktail from Old Gin's hand and pours it down his throat without any hesitation.

"And then, everyone rejected it!!!" Old Gin suddenly breaks into wailing and lets out a punch on Gintoki's shoulder. "Paa-ko and Paa-nosuke weren't okay, and neither were Ginko and Getsu-nosuke... Why was everyone being such a jerk! I can name my children whatever I want, and it's none of y'all-your fuckin' business... Of course, don' get me wrong, it's because Tsukki said no, we can't have names like that so those two were not used... Yeah, whatever Tsukki says goes." He tilts his head, finally quiets down a bit and starts slumping down against Gintoki slowly.

"And guess-guess who came up with the kanji 刹 in Shusetsu's name?" Old Gin holds up 4 fingers right into his main universe self's face: "Betcha' 300 yen you can't figure out who, hehehehe..."

"Don't get cocky you old fuck!" Gintoki pushes the silver permhead that was resting on his shoulder away. "Wh-who do ya think Gin-san I am? Huh! The man is the Sa-sakata Gintoki okay!?"

"Oh wow, how bold of you to make such promise, Sakata Gintoch-ki!" Old Gin shakes his head and sits up, a familiar playful smile appears on his half-drunk face. "Come on then! Make a mile!"

"Emm... Ketsuno Ana..."

"NO! Idiot! You'll never be able to marry Tsukki at this rate!" Old Gin slaps his face into his hand in total disappointment.

"Then, then Ketsuno Ana's elder brother..."

"No!... The direction! The direction is completely wrong... Are you just fucking blind on navigation?"

"Bullshi-Don't compare me to that mayonnaise maniac*! Then...uh, Kyubei!"

"Oh my heck you absolute idiot! An idiot is an idiot and that won't be changed!" Old Gin is violently shaking his head now, feeling that he's about to sober up soon. "Kyubei couldn't even name a damned monkey that is full of shit! And you expect her-*hicc-to name your child?!"

"Yurr not wrong... *hig."

"Think again! You mfkin...use your brain!"

"Shut up!... Well... Zura and Sakamoto that furry ball definitely couldn't come up with such a domineering kanji... not even Baka-sugi that chūnibyō... He, he... damn it, does he even manage to live to that point? Could it be, *hig-I mean could it be from Shouyou-sensei in a dream?"

"Bakasugi? Hahahahahahaha... You'll never know what happened to him... I, eh, I can't tell you 'bout that now but...Shouyou-sensei, damn I hope it was Sensei who gave it..." A tear suddenly slides down from the corner of Old Gin's eye, disappearing into his sparse beard. Soon, more tears stream down his cheeks like a meteor shower across the night sky. "Sensei... SENSEI!! Ah..."

"Oi, oi! Don't cry! Those ossan's tears are gross!" Gintoki stares at him with disdain through his wasted eyes. "Stop crying! You hear me? It's RE-VOL-TINGGGG--!!"

"Shut up! I just haven't dreamed of Sensei for a long time..." Old Gin starts wiping his face with the left sleeve. "Go-go on."

"Ehhh...eh, setsu...sha...Kshatriya... Was it Tsukki that came up with it?"

"No, I already said it was from the dad's side!"

"Then who else reads Jump issues... Hemorrhoid ninja? It can't be Shinpachi for sure!"

"The heck is it with that logic! Besides, when did MSG Unicorn's manga ever make an appearance in Jump huh you idiot? With that kind of crappy plot... Heh, haha, I told you you'd never guess out who came up with it!"

"Then who came up with it?" Gintoki's face and tone of voice falls recentfully. What's the point of making this fuss and keeping it like a national secret? Who cares about shit like that?... Damn graybeard.

"300 yen." Old Gin reaches out a hand palm-up.

"Don't fuckin' mess with me!" Gintoki instantly slaps his hand away: "How could someone ask for money from themself?! I'll pull out all your beard if you dare ask again!"

"Oi oi, you were willing to take the bet then but refuse to accept the failing now? That's cheating," Old Gin just withdraws his hand with a smirk and stands up. "Okay then, I won't tell you and you can guess it yourself."

"You...!" Gintoki's face flushes with anger in a second. No, he can't be fooled by himself!

Old Gin pretends not to notice and begins to clean up the mess on the floor, picking up the empty strawberry milk cartons and sake bottles scattered around, even humming a tuneless song, seemingly enjoying himself.

Gintoki glares at him in silent rage, his hand is clenching the empty glass tighter and tighter.

...Ughhhhh you annoying graybeard!

"You fuckin'...just wait and see!! I'm gonna..." He scrambles to his feet as well, but the alcohol in the system is making him losing the balance. And as a result, Gintoki stumbles back agaginst the fridge, the glass in his hand slightly hits the edge of the countertop and gives a clear clanging sound.

"...It was Old Pop Matsudaira." Old Gin has already collected all the empty cartons and bottles and thrown them away into the trash can, even closing the lid.

"The Destroyer Pops?" Gintoki drops both glasses he was holding onto the kitchen's counter. Oh, that certainly was an option that no one would guess out.

"Yep."

"So, the details?"

"Hasegawa-san nailed the pronunciation shū-setsu from the terms for sudden snowfall(驟雪) and soon end of that(終雪), Zura gave the kanji 柊 for the first character because his hair and eyes match holly's flower and fruit. Old Pop Matsudaira said boys needed masculine names, so it's the kanji 刹 with a standing sword radical. In Buddhism, it also means a pagoda or temple where Buddha's bones are enshrined. In Sanskrit, it means land of the nation or a flash of moment... That kid is a miraculous existence that can make my wish come true."

"Miracle? Huh. Bold of you daring to say that. You..."

"Him and Hio are the hope in my life. Children are what that keep adults alive." Old Gin walks to him closer and leans against the counter, mirroring his stance.

"--Just like Kagura and Shinpachi mean to you now. I don't intend to match you with anyone else in this universe, because the main universe's storyline officially concludes in two years. The gorilla doesn't have any plan on putting up a final fantasy*, just to let you know. "

"Then what's the point of you saying all this..."

Old Gin sighs.

"Works as a reminder. Because... there's someone who's always thinking about you, but she won't say it. You know, for that damned personality. Maybe she's already told you, but you two'll assume it's just a friendship and won't move forward any further."

"......"

"To put it bluntly, just blame that gorilla! Sorachi that gorilla... he didn't dare determining a canon partner for Sakata Gintoki because the female fans in the real world were too scary, everyone wanted to take Gin-san for their own or for their ships..."

"I didn't know I was that popular with the opposite sex in the real world*."

"C'mon, have some confidence in yourself. Anyway, my advice to you is, don't use it's for someone's sake as an excuse, don't leave her hanging on a cliff. Whether you'd accept or refuse, you should give her an answer at some point in the future. Don't keep her waiting too long."

"...You really are such an old man nagging so much," Gintoki (27) rubs his messy bangs on the forehead. "I see. I have my own plans..."

"...Gimme a break, this is much too a hassle." They glance at each other, then tacitly look away into opposite directions, but say in unison.

Chapter Text

After dinner, the Yorozuya teens leave Otose's tavern and lead Hio upstairs.

"Em?... Gin-san's out?" Shinpachi notices that a particular Vespa scooter— usually parked in the open area between the buildings— is now gone. "Where did he go at sometime this late..."

He's about to turn around and ask Kagura and Hio, that if any of them know what their leader would be heading to, when he happens to catch the two girls almost finish sprinting up the stairs in a race.

"No-no wonder you are Aun-eh, Sister Kagura..." Hio is panting heavily, leaning herself against the swcond floor railing. "I can't catch up with neither of you, in this world or mine." Her sight catches the mosaic pack of vomit inadvertently, which is still uncleaned on the first-floor eaves. Hio instantly feels nauseous and quickly turns away.

"Haha, that is a racial talent just like eating for us Yatos, so don't mind it Hio-chan." Kagura has already built up the tolerance and just ignores the mosaic. Then she shouts to Shinpachi who is still downstairs: "Ooooi! Shin--pachi--! What are you still standing there for? Quick come up and do the laundry already! Hio-chan is still waiting!"

"Uuuuuh, come on... Kagura-chan! Don't jump into heavy exercise right after a meal will you?! It's a bad influence on younger kids..." Shinpachi shouts loudly towards them in discontent as he climbs the stairs, "and what's with laundry? Didn't I just do it yesterday? Also, Gin-san he—"

"Because clothes get dirty and need to be changed every day, no?" Kagura has already entered the house, kicking off her shoes by the entrance, and casually pushes them aside with her foot. "Sadaharu— eh? Gin-chan's not here? Had he fed you before he left?"

"Not listening to me again..." Shinpachi mutters his little complaint in a low voice, feeling a little resentfully as usual. He goes inside, following Hio, rearranges Kagura's shoes by putting them neatly just like his, and enters the kitchen by the left to wash his hands.

"Ugh!..."

The moment he steps in, the sweet, cloying smell of strawberry milk mingled with the stench of alcohol hits him right on his face. Shinpachi frowns a little, has his nose pinched as he walks to the trash can and opens the lid. Unsurprisingly, he spots several empty strawberry milk cartons and sake bottles.

Fuddling himself again. The 16-year-old glasses teen thinks reluctantly. Gin-san is still Gin-san— no matter what world he's from, how old he's now, whether he'd finally matured, grown up mentally, or got married and has his own children, as long as the man is Sakata Gintoki he could never give up sweet things, alcohol, and probably pachinko.

Shinpachi turns on the kitchen light and walks to the window to open it widely, trying to ventilate the room and dispel the two odors that have mixed together and became even more unpleasant. Then he notices two empty glasses on the counter, a few drops of the familiar, opaque, pink liquid still left at the bottom of their volume.

Shinpachi sighs. Though unwillingness appears on his face, he swiftly and adeptly puts them into the sink, turns on the faucet, and begins the cleaning.

He hasn't noticed a sticky note dropped on the floor next to the fridge. On one side it writes, in a flamboyant style, "No strawberry milk left so we're out to get some. Dinner outside too", and "Tell Hio-chan no need to wait for me. Just go to bed early with Kagura if tired (Dad)"

[author's note: again, the plot below is NOT a promotion to DUI but only for funny purposes, please do not imitate any dangerous actions mentioned.]

It's almost nine and there are almost no vehicles on the highway to the outskirts of Edo City, only a small silver-colored scooter, an oldtype Vespa, is speeding through the dark and darker night at a high speed reaching 80 mph. The two men riding on it are not wearing helmets, as their silverish natural curly hair flying in the strong wind, along with the drunken whistling and laughter.

A drunk Sakata Gintoki (27) is driving, with another drunk Sakata Gintoki (41) at the backseat, both laughing uncontrollably while speeding on the road. Dim highway street lights are left behind them one by one, so soon that it feels almost like continuous lightening. The two men look nothing like a male protagonist of Weekly Shonen Jump, but much alike those young, unruly bosozoku* thugs instead. The only traits missing are the exaggerated appearance and outfit (of both the driver and the vehicle), some noisy heavy metal music, and deliberately driving in the wrong direction.

Normally Gintoki (27) would never allow the speed to hit above 15 mph for the sake of gas, but today is different. Strawberry milk mixing sake hits higher than the fucking Viagra, he swears. He can't even hold his overexcited wild thoughts, that if he hadn't drunk it all and saved some, he would definitely try pour some into the gas tank and see if his Vespa would get as high as they are now, maybe even taking them up in the air like that stone from Laputa*.

Cocktails are really good stuff. They don't make you want to throw up or lose your balance, but they don't disappoint you as if you were having nonalc either.

Remember, drink less means more enjoyment, and drink too much damages your stomach and spleen, so hold your drink in moderation. Somehow Shouyou-sensei's smiling face bobs up in his hyped head along with some inexplicable memory. Huh? When did he ever say that? Sensei had never once talked about alcohol or had any in front of them, right? Also, Gintoki, after drinking, do not ever...

"Eh? Do not ever what? Sensei, don't leave us mid-sentence—" Gintoki doesn't even care whether it's something wrong with his memory, or it's the intoxication confusing his brain and fabricating non-existent memories, just like he doesn't care at all that he is yelling his thoughts out loud to the deserted highway right now.

Sensei... where are we going and what are we doing now?

"Sensei? You saw him? W-where is he?" Old Gin suddenly stands up from the back seat, putting his hands that were originally holding his other self's belt on Gintoki's shoulders, and begins to check around wildly: "Oooooooooiiii--! Shouyou-sensei----"

"IDIOT! Put your ass down!" Gintoki has to fetch some of his not-much-left rationality back and slows down the scooter in a hurry, "Do you wanna fucking fall down and die you reckless unhinged bastard?!"

"Oh. Okay. Cranky." Old Gin looked around for quite some time but didn't see any sign of sensei showing up (fortunately not or it'd be a horror story*), so he plops down and back to grabbing Gintoki's belt again with both hands and gives a swing: "Why is the speed slowing down? Trot!"

"Trot your mom! Am I a fucking horse?!" Gintoki now wishes he could just pull out his helmet, put it on, and headbutt his other older self in the back seat, "Don't get so close ossan! It's disgusting! Stay away from me! Seriously you are more annoying than Shinpachi when he's singing*..."

"Huh? The hell are you gya gya gya gya about? Does Sakata Gintoki really hate himself that much?" Old Gin just clicks of his tongue, letting go of the thin black belt and grabs the handle part of Touyako instead with one hand, rocking back and forth like he is shifting gears. "Speed up! Or we won't even make it to the convenient store by dawn at this rate..."

"Then stop yelling by my ear!! Keep yelling and you take the drive! Mfker gas today is too expensive don't you know!?" Gintoki realizes that his head is gradually becoming sober as he begins to get more angry. Right. That was a bit too dangerous... drunk driving, speeding, no helmet, and even no headlights on. Better finish snapping up and get back home before he accidentally hit someone or get caught by a tax thief...

The alcohol, along with body warmth and engine noises are all being tossed away by the cool wind combing his hair.

"—Oi, you're awake, aren't you?" The sudden silence behind him makes Gintoki feel a little uneasy. So he starts up again just for a check.

"What?" Old Gin pulls back the handle of the Touyako again, as he's still holding it in his hand. "What's wrong? Ohhh I know, you're feeling lonely now, soooo quickly without someone paying you attention, no? Or are you still scared of being alone at night?"

"Stop the bullshit! I'm just worried that you'd fall asleep and fall out of the scooter... I don't want to be your pesky daughter's stepfather!"

"Oh? My apologies then... didn't realize you were this caring and thoughtful," Old Gin chuckles, covering his mouth with his hand imitating a JK*— it indeed is fun teasing himself, but enough will be enough. He reaches his right arm forward, goes around Gintoki's waist in the front to pull out Touyako, and holds it in front of his abdomen, grasping the wooden sword with both hands: "Is this okay now? Stop worrying so much, or it'll age you soon..."

"That's something I'd expect to hear from anyone but you." Gintoki snorts.

And so, Old Gin stops following up to argue with him. Once again, only the sound of wind and the roar of the engine fill the air around them.

The night and the highway suddenly feel so endless.

Turning a corner, there is a section of the highway where the streetlights are off. Gintoki has to turn on his headlight.

"Hey, say something."

"Of what?"

"It's boring. It'd be fine if I'm alone, but it's weird when we're alone and no one talks."

"So... do you want me to spoil the latest issue of Shonen Jump?"

"NO! Are you kidding me— you are not a fucking demon are you?"

"Ugh, stop being so picky, no wonder you can never find a girlfriend." Old Gin flattens his lips, then shouts out mimicking Zura's tense voice, "It's not demon, it's Devilman*!"

"That's too cold even for a weird neither-fish-nor-fowl dad joke."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."
"I TOLD YOU to say something! Who are you showing all these ellipsis marks to on the screen?! You're not from the Uchiha clan* you know!" Gintoki turns back impatiently and shouts at Old Gin in the back seat. This is too annoying! The graybeard weirdo who can't read the mood is becoming unbearable!

"So what do you want to hear anyway? You want me to sing?!" Old Gin isn't going to just sit there and bear his anger either. To show his unwilling to give in, he grabs Touyako and yanks back a bit harder: "Oh I know now, you are really that bored and lonely that you wanna hear Gin-san sing that bad, isn't it? Then how about 'A Thousand Winds'*?"

"No!!! Then I'll become a thousand winds too*!" Gintoki shakes his head desperately as if there's worm on his head. No more mentioning of the dark history! He doesn't want to hear another call from that certain someone behind-the-scene's mother* again! "And stop pressing on my belly already! I'm going to throw up for real!"

"Hahahahahahaha..."

"How can you still laugh like that! Gosh... is this my future?? Turning into this old loser, this graybeard weirdo ossan..."

"Oi, oi, I see that you've been calling me graybeard since the fifth chapter of this fanfic, What's wrong with having beard huh? I only grow it because my honey and my little honey like it! Unromantic brat..." Old Gin's right hand lets go of Touyako, retracts back and touches his chin. "Don't have to shave every morning is really a relief. After all I've retired from the position of male protagonist of an on-going manga on Weekly Shonen Jump. There's no need to appear younger than real age."

"Eh... I think it's just an add-on setting to differentiate you from me, okay? Since this is a literal work rather than illustrated one. You know, drawing beards in manga is incredibly difficult, which is why so few male characters have facial hair. Those who do have them are just simple toothbrush mustache or a small goatee, and that type of characters don't usually have many scenes..." Gintoki shakes his head, nudging Old Gin with his elbow to hint him to go back hold onto the Touyako safety belt. "Maybe it's a stereotypical image on dads, or some weird fetish that alien humanoid author has..."

"Makes sense... hmmm, how about a little shave tomorrow morning?" Old Gin mumbles, resolving himself to the decision.

"Um, this isn't anime or manga. It doesn't matter whether you shave or not, okay? The readers won't be able to see the difference anyway."

"That makes sense too... This isn't anime (アニメじゃない)!*" Old Gin suddenly bursts into singing without any hint: "This isn't anime(アニメじゃない)—"

"Hey, hey, why are you suddenly singing?" Gintoki has to lean forward to save his ears from the loud sound. It's too noisy! If this continues he'd sober up completely soon.

Old Gin just ignores him and turns himself into a humanoid MP3 player at full volume: "—It's all true (本当のことさ)*!"

"Change! Another one! Seriously... when you're riding a late-night trip, listen to some late-night music!"

"So what do you want to listen to? Speed of Flow? BEYOND THE TIME? Lonely Way?* Eh, forget that one, I never manage to hit the high notes..."

"Blue Forever*!"

"Oi oi! I told you I can't hit the high notes!"

"Then... Harmony Love?"

"Ah, you classy guy! This one is meaningful!" Old Gin suddenly becomes excited. He leans closer and whispers mysteriously into Gintoki's ear: "Remember what I told you about that KTV day?"

"Waht-what about it?" Gintoki feels a sudden tingle of discomfort at someone's breath behind his ear, goosebumps rising all over his skin: "Hey! Stay back! It's gross."

"Heh, Tsukki ordered the song herself that day." Old Gin leans back nonchalantly to give his other younger (and hence more sensitive) main universe self some space. He has sobered up for a long ago, but the emotional upheaval brought on by the memory is even stronger than intoxication, making his eyes dizzy and his ears hot. 

"For real??... We are talking about the drunk terminator, right?" Could she? Gintoki glances back at him with deep concern. Holy shit what was that noise just now? How could someone already stepping into climacteric still be this horny?! Is it that terrifying this less-than-beast fucker!

Old Gin waves his hand carelessly, almost lying down on the back seat of the scooter. "That's because you're ignorant! Tsukki sings heavenly! Surprisingly heavenly... You'll believe me if you ever get a chance to hear it. Oh wait, your chance is here!" He sits up in a second, reaching into the inner pocket of his kimono.

"I secretly recorded a clip back then... Although Tsukki smashed my phone when she caught me recording, later I asked someone to recover the storage in the memory card." He finally pulls out a transparent pendant-like device, roughly the size of a fingertip. Inside the device, there stores a small chip looking like a mobile phone SIM card and a small energy supply unit. Old Gin adeptly activates the device. A holographic projection appeared upon the transparent casing, listing the contents stored on the chip. An MP3 audio file simply named by date appeared in the information bar, and a voice code unlock verification window pops up.

"Play." Old Gin says. The verification window shows match of the voice code and begins loading the audio file.

"Clean your ears and listen carefully," Old Gin reaches over again, this time has his left hand holding the device and hangs on Gintoki's shoulder: "This is the first time I'm playing this for someone else... Well, you're not really a 'someone else', though."

The file begins to play. At first, it's a chaos of cacophony, with several familiar voices he recognizes, all arguing in the background about who shall sing next and which song to pick. Then he heard the heartbeat-like drum beats at the intro and the sound of the one holding the recording device sitting down on the sofa.

"ハーーー~ モニーラヴ~ みつめられていたい (haaaaarmony love~ I want to be looked at)..." A female voice, at first almost identical to the original singer Rie Fujiwara, comes out faintly. The noisy voices in the background suddenly quiet down, and the muffled female singing becomes a bit clearer.

"ハーモニーラヴ~ かなうならば (Haaaarmony love~ If it comes true)..."

It's unexpectedly pleasant. Not exactly the same soft and sweet as the original singer, but it's a voice that could make people fall for it without hesitation. Gintoki suddenly remembers the time he half-jokingly teased her about her girlish mind.

Why on earth did I tease her like that back then?

"愛していると~ 上手に言える(If I could say 'I love you' well)..."

"Wow, Tsukki..." He hears Kagura's more mature voice exclaim in admiration, accompanied by a proud quiet laugh. He knows well who it was without having to think.

"心だけが~ 欲しいのに (All I want is your heart)..."

Red Alarm. It's too vacillating.

…

偶然出会った

met by chance

あなたは異邦人(エトランゼ)

You are étranger (French for "stranger")

昔と違う声 返事が返せない

A different voice than before, that I cannot respond

思い出色のピアスに

Earrings with the color of missing

思わず髪をおろす

I let down my hair not-knowingly

 

ハーモニーラヴ ひとりきりのままよ

Harmony love~ I always stay alone by myself

ハーモニーラヴ あのときから

Harmony love~ ever since that moment

やさしい愛はさざ波のよう

Tender love, just like ripples

今もそっと打ち寄せる

even now still patting me gently

 

逢いたい気持ちが

The thought of wanting to see you

ことばを奪うのよ

Takes away the words (I want to say)

ごめんと言ったきり

Only saying sorry

背中を向けたひと

The person who turned his back

ふたりをつなぐことばが

Words that connect two people

愛だと信じたいの

I want to believe this is love

 

ハーモニーラヴ みつめられていたい

Harmony love~ I want to be watched

ハーモニーラヴ かなうならば

Harmony love~ If it ever comes true

愛していると上手に言える

if I can say "love you" so well

心だけが欲しいのに……

All I want is your heart...

"Ah, Gin-san..." As the singing voice somehow grows closer, he suddenly hears what must have been Shinpachi's exclamation on the recording.

"Harr-umm..." Her voice muffles off, leaving only the karaoke music playing in the background, followed by the shutter sound of someone taking photos and the small noise of the recording device falling to the ground.

A few more crunch and click noise, and something heavy pressed down on the device, ending the recording.

Old Gin soon withdraws his hand once the recording ends, turns off the device, and carefully places it back into his inner kimono pocket.

"How's that?" he asks, almost boastfully.

Gintoki does not answer him. The Vespa scooter gradually slows down, until it comes to a complete stop by the side of the road.

"Hey? What's wrong? You still good?" Old Gin noticed something's not right with him. That's not how Sakata Gintoki would normally act.

"...Swap seats." After a long pause, his main universe self in the front seat finally utters in a quiet voice, "You drive. Put on the helmet too."

"Sure." Old Gin tucks Touyako back into his belt and gets down from the scooter. He watches as the other Sakata Gintoki, who has his head turned away and refuses to look at his direction, inches his way into the backseat. "Oh whaaaat now? You fell for Tsukki's heavenly voice too?"

"Shut up. Hush and drive!"

"You get up first! The helmets are under your butt," Old Gin beckons him to get down. Come on big boy, don't be so shy.

Gintoki still gives no response to him, not even a glance. He stiffly stands up, pulls up the leather cushion of the seat and grabs out the helmets, all movements by his muscle memory and no attention at all. He then just tosses one to the approximate direction of his fourteen-year-older self standing beside him.

Old Gin almost missed it.

"What? If you like someone, just admit it. You're not being honest at all... even too shy to admit it to yourself." He puts on the helmet (the one Shinpachi usually wears) and climbs back onto the scooter.

"...I remember someone said earlier that he DOES NOT intend to match Gin-san with anyone else from this universe, no?" Gintoki now is sitting in the back. He didn't pull out his Touyako or his other self's and use it as a seatbelt, instead, just adjusts the position of the wooden swords (yes, there are two of them, each Gintoki a sword) and tugs at a very large, obvious brass buckle on Old Gin's wide leather belt.

"I wasn't matching, I was just showing off." Old Gin gives him a sly grin that Sorachi had drawn for countless times. "Other than that, you've found the right grabbing spot. That's why I told you from the beginning that it'd be better to let me drive."

At night, the highway remains deserted. Silent, looming between the darkness and street lights, with nothing around but cool wind.

"You know, the gorillas got married." Old Gin glances once at the gas gauge and decides to keep the speed around 40 mph.

"..."

“The glasses got married.”

"..."

“The ruthless sadistics got married.”

"..."

“The perverts got married.”

"..."

“Even Zura had hooked up with that young widowed boss lady.”

"..."

“So no worries, you’ll definitely end up married too. Maybe Tsukki, maybe Ketsuno Ana, maybe someone new. You'd never know.”

Old Gin turns around half-way and gives Gintoki in the back seat a thumbs-up, and then goes back to driving.

Gradually has himself calm down to rationality, Gintoki holds his face in his hand and sighs.

"...In the end, the final fantasy is still unavoidable isn't it."

"People do what they feel like doing when it's time. It's normal— just like when the latest issue of Jump comes out, people buy it. We're all the same. After going through so much chaotic events, when it's finally settled down and time to start a family, we find a partner, get married, and have kids." Old Gin waves his hand again, "but if you don't want to, you don't have to. I'm not rushing you or implying something, even though it sounds like that. I'm just... well."

"Just what?"

"..."

"?..."

"Finish your sentence!" Gintoki knocks on his helmet really hard. "Stop leaving me on the cliffhanger!"

"She has always been extreme in handling her own feelings," Old Gin opens up again after a long pause. "Maybe her thoughts are influenced too deeply by that damned pervert. After the KTV thing, she wrote me an apology letter. There was actually nothing to apologize for, but she said that we shouldn't see each other again."

"I felt something wrong the time when the letter arrived... Something very wrong, and I ran into the ambulance right after arrivng there."

"......"

"Fortunately, Hinowa was quick enough to notice and stopped her while she was still hesitating."

"...That dumb woman."

"She was indeed dumb to do so. Well, if you and I claim to love everyone fairly and equally, then she's incredibly selfless and sacrificial to the point of being abnormally distorted."

"She's never been able to completely forget those words that should never be said to anyone. Those words were more devastating than actual blades and bullets. I had no idea after all this time, she still wanted to 'abandon the social identity as a woman', or even 'abandon the identity as a human being'... Perhaps she was not ready, or perhaps it was completely different from her expectation for what a first time would be like, or perhaps it was both, and the shock was too ovewhelming for her to contain, that she didn't know how to face or resolve it. In the end, she decided to follow that psychopath's ideas, 'killing' the identity of 'Tsukuyo' and abandoning everything she owned once for all... becoming a nameless shadow guardian that has no identity, seeking nothing more than to protect Yoshiwara."

"...Why." Gintoki knows he doesn't need to ask. It's not a question. He just wants to confirm some thoughts.

"Wasn't it obvious? She thought she had 'got' too much, yet didn't deserve everything the ordinary people deserve, including love. As a result, every possible way to avoid it was tried, until she finally buried herself alive, in a place so deep down there, that not one ordinary person dares to go and reach for her. Doesn't that sound familiar?" Old Gin finally enters the urban area, passing a small sakura woods at the entrance and heading straight for the gas station.

"...Ah. Indeed." Gintoki picks off a few sakura petals that have fallen onto him and his other self, looking back at the entrance behind him. If they hadn't passed straight through but turned west, they would have reached the above-ground entrance of the underground district Yoshiwara by now.

"Haaaarmony love (ハーモニーラヴ)...... I was always staying by myself alone (ひとりきりのままよ)……" He hums softly. Voice low enough for only himself to hear.

Chapter Text

On the outskirts of a city in Kanagawa Prefecture, among the sparse shrubs, there lies a small, unobtrusive sanatorium* for the disabled and the mentally-disabled, its grayish stands out just like a wormhole in a leaf. If only judging from the appearance— the low-slung concrete building and in sharp contrast, towering exterior walls, coupled with the ubiquitous surveillance cameras, stainless steel gates, and barbed wire along the top of the tall walls— it looks more like a prison than a care facility, only lacking only watchtowers and patrolling guards to be a real one.

Even the land beneath and the sky above seem lifeless.

By dusk, the sanatorium staff members begin their 3rd (and hopefully last) daily round of checking the patients' wards, wrapping up the day's work.

"Speaking of that new guy who came in a few weeks ago..."

"You mean Sakata?"

"Yes, that man with scars on his face and the scary mad-man look in his eyes. You can tell he's... abnormal."

"It's said that he was a soldier before, right? Then for some whatever who-knows reason he went nuts, the army kicked him out and dumped him here. What a pity, lost his marbles and became wrecked at this young age."

In the empty hallway, the voices of two employees chattering come closer alongside their footsteps.

"I heard that he was always trying to escape when just arrived, saying that he had a sister or something... But lately he finally settled down, hiding in his room every day writing incomprehensible things."

"It's the recent trial drug taking effect, right? That helps a lot! I mean, we don't even have to try so hard to coax them taking the pills anymore... Sometimes I just can't understand, why the government spend so much money to still raise these trash people who are more useless than mere cattle... Wouldn't it be better to just throw them away in the wilderness like how it used to be with the geezers*?"

The younger worker holds one arm out and gives a swing, gesturing the motion of throwing away a garbage bag.

"Hey, Uematsu! If the manager ever hears you say that, you'll be fired!" The elder worker, furious at his dismissive tone, is about to strike him over the head to teach the young brat a lesson, but his movement is interrupted by the shrill blare of a smoke alarm in a distant room, and it makes him froze in mid-air.

"What's going on?!" another worker rushes out of a nearby ward in a haste. "Fire?! Where is it??"

Some mentally unstable patients in the room also begin to stir and screech. In less than a second, the entire floor erupts in a swirl of clamor, a stark contrast to the previous silence.

The two workers who were chatting in the hallway are now sprinting in their full speed towards the ward where the alarm went off. Puffs of thick, gray smoke tinged with a pungent smell of burnt things drifts from the crack under the door.

The elder worker hurriedly pulls out his key to unlock the door. The younger worker beside him runs to the nearest fire extinguisher cabinet, shatters the glass, and brings out a fire extinguisher.

The door is soon unlocked and pushed open. What greets them is the scene of burning paper pieces everywhere on the floor. Flames are dancing, flamboyantly hopping higher, reaching the ceiling. A choking smell of burning along with thick smoke fills the air, coming to blind their eyes and taking away their breaths.

The young worker is too stunned to act, clutching the fire extinguisher in his hands, the safety pin already pulled out, but he is unable to move even a finger. The elder worker reacts first, snatching the extinguisher from him and starts spraying at the flames closest to the door.

"Patient... Th-the patient..."

By the time the young worker realizes what is happening in front of them at the present, his face has turned complete pale. All he can do is pointing a trembling finger at a flaming mass of what shapes like a person beneath the wall, the flames raging and dancing maniacally.

More employees quickly gather outside the hallway, some calling the fire department and ambulance. One worker looks up at the patient information card on the wall next to the ward door:

Name: Sakata Shusetsu

Age: Unknown               Sex: Male

Diagnosis: Moderate schizophrenia, dissociative disorder

Allergy history: None     Nursing Level: 1

"...Bullshit! My sword is as strong and tough as the Imuraya azuki bar*!"

Sakata Gintoki (27) quickly takes the last skewer of takoyaki balls from the box and immediately stuffs it into his mouth.

Old Gin sits sideways on their silver-colored Vespa scooter right next to him, only shoots a glance at him.

The two of them have parked their fully fueled scooter at the entrance towards the road outside the gas station, each holding a large plastic bag full of strawberry milk cartons, and say nothing more to each other.

At a time this late at night, there are no pedestrians or vehicles on the streets even in the urban area.

After a long while, Old Gin pushes up his left cuff to take a look at his watch. Then he asks Gintoki who's just returning from throwing away the food package: "Say, when will the designated driver arrive? The strawberry milk will go bad if we don't take them back soon."

"Zip it loudmouth! You are not Sakamoto you know? Having the nerve to egg someone else on going out and doing shopping in the middle of the night..." Gintoki (27) frowns, gives his natural curls a fairly good scratch, then saunters back to his scooter and sits down: "Dunno... soon I guess? Just be quiet and wait!"

"Oi, who was the one that got too intoxicated and went nuts for going out earlier?"

Now Gintoki is staring in silent annoyance at his other self of a parallel universe, who's 14 years older and just turned around to hide some chuckles. He sees him picks up the bag that had slipped down and puts it back on his lap. The sparse, curly silver beard on his upper lip and chin shines inconspicuously under the streetlight just like his hair, but it's even more illusory than the vague shadow cast on his skin. As if to confirm the reality of the seemingly illusory facial hair, Gintoki can't help but reaches out a finger, and pokes it. The texture of a beard surely is harder than hair.

Old Gin doesn't stop him. He just gives him a strange look, then turns away as if it recalls him of something.

"Hey! What does that mean!?" Gintoki's face immediately blushes and grabs his older self's shoulders: "Stop laughing!"

Why is he still laughing? He has been laughing this whole evening.

"Nothing, it's just that you reminded me of Shusetsu when he was still a babbling brat." Old Gin takes his time to calm down and regain control on his facial expression. "The kid was innocent and terrifyingly treacherous at the same time in his preschool age... that was back when I hadn't grown a beard yet, and Shusetsu was about two or three. One day during a nap, he somehow started pulling out my leg hair! For real! It hurt so much... so painful that it woke me up instantly with tears."

"Did it hurt as much as the one time your balls got smacked into your body*?" Gintoki touches his calf still covered in his boots. Usually in the trolling plots, only his hair and nose hair are pulled for the jokes. The hair on his butt, legs, armpits— yes there is hair existed there, it's just never been drawn to create a better image, somehow— and this and those other parts of his body, are all kept safe under his clothes and shoes, miraculously, as no one, including Sorachi that gorilla, has tortured him over those hairs.

"Well, those're two incomparable kinds of pains," Old Gin replies after taking some moment to think. "If you're that curious about it you can try it out yourself."

"What kind of idiots'd try something that stupid?!... And then what? What happened next?"

"Once I was awake, I immediately stopped Shusetsu and asked what he was doing, like, how could you abuse your own father in such outrageous way? And guess what he said in reply? He actually asked me instead of answering: 'Why do other dads and uncles have beards on their faces while Dad you have yours on your legs?' He even offered to help me grow a beard with the hair he just pulled out. I was so angry that I burst into laughter."

"Tch, kids indeed are scary as hell..." Gintoki folds his arms in front of his chest, and sighs with an even more decrepit air than Old Gin: "Seeing how you look like you're entering climacteric in advance, I've decided: no kids. No a single chance."

"As you like," Old Gin shrugs. Says the guy who once stated he wanted to die surrounded by his children and grandchildren. Who are you playing pretend to? Yourself? At the moment, he notices a pickup truck slowly passing by, it soon stops ahead of them on the road. A man jumps down from the driver's seat. Judging by the figure and movements, probably a young one. And now he is coming quickly to their direction.

"Is that the designated driver you called earlier?" Old Gin stands up, then manages to place the large bag of strawberry milk cartons from his lap onto the seat of the scooter. "Why is it a pickup truck?"

"Idiot, do you want me to leave my scooter here, come again and drive it back tomorrow? That's much too a hassle! And what if it gets stolen?" Gintoki follows his moves, placing his bag of strawberry milk on the seat and pushes it over to Old Gin: "Don't slack off! These two bags plus the scooter are all the property I have now! Carry them carefully!" Finishes demanding, he kicks up the kickstand and pushed the scooter towards the pickup truck.

"Are you sure anyone is interested in stealing this shabby broken old Vespa?" Old Gin has been a little tired, so he chooses not to argue anymore, just picks up the two large bags of strawberry milk from the seat and follows him by the side, walking forward together.

"Hey, come to your senses. Don't forget that there are still unreasonable tax thieves and perverted stalkers in Edo."

"—Mr. Sakata Gintoki?" The young man who was driving the pickup truck has come up to them. He only looks up once, then pushes down the brim of his cap, turning his eyes back to the dim screen of his mobile phone in his other hand.

"Yes, you are the designated driver?" Normally Gintoki (27) probably wouldn't care that much. But today, maybe because he has gotten over the influence of alcohol, or because he has been habitually more alert at night when sober, Gintoki senses that the "timid" designated driver in front of him is a bit suspicious: not only did he not offer to help lift the scooter onto the load bed of the pickup truck, he also deliberately covered his face, and did not even come under the street lights to talk to them. He exchanges a quick look with Gintoki(41) in tacit understanding, and decides to continue the conversation to see if they may find any clues: "Hey kid, already a DD at this age?"

The young man lowers his head and puts his phone back in his pants pocket, only realizes to respond after a while: "...Y-yeah, right. Pardon me..." He heads back quickly to push down the tailgate, then returns in the same haste manner, goes behind them and clumsily lifts up the rear wheel of the scooter.

"...Eh, kid, is this your first day at work?" Gintoki hasn't even thought about lifting the front wheel yet. He glares at the young man who is still holding his scooter's butt in awkward silence, then reluctantly points at the tailgate that has been put into a horizontal stage: "Look, that panel can be lowered down to use as a ramp."

"Oh. I-I am terribly sorry. Please forgive me. This is my first time working a pickup truck order alone, I'm just a little overreacting."

The young man still doesn't look at him, or Old Gin who has already stopped by the door of the back seat, only apologizes for a few times while running back to the driver's seat, opens the door, and gets in. Soon, the sound of the hydraulic lever starting and the beeping alert sound appears in the air.

"Something's wrong with that man."

Old Gin had finished stuffing the two bags of strawberry milk into the back seat. Through the rear window glass, he sees Gintoki crouch down to lay down the scooter sideways on the uneven surface of the truck bed floor. He comes over to help secure it with the ropes.

"Those two scars on his face... are cut wounds by sword." Gintoki (27) tightens the knot that fixed the front wheel and wraps the rope over the pedal. "They are specifically meant to injure eyes and damage sight. I had met such hesitant guys before... long ago. Some soldiers could not make up their mind to kill the enemy, so instead they chose to disable them— injure the limbs, or the face, eyes most commonly— made them lose the ability to fight on battlefield. But they never thought about the consequences. That was not mercy, but just another torture for the injured... In the end, no matter how mild or serious the wound was, everyone got killed."

"Really? I didn't catch that. It was too dim." Old Gin has fixed the back wheel and rises up, hammers a few times with his fist on the back: "Speaking of getting old."

"Oi oi, are you kidding me?" Gintoki finds out he just accidentally tied an overhand knot, and now he has to pick at it, feeling irritated: "You are only 41 years old, still very young for wearing reading glasses, okay?? Pull yourself together, Sakata!"

Luckily the knot is not too tightly and he loosens it without too much effort.

On the way back to Kabukicho, the young driver does not speak up to them again, not once. Gintoki argued with Old Gin over who taking the front seats and who the back, but eventually reached an agreement and quieted down after a while.

By the time the pickup truck arrives in front of the now-closed Otose Snackbar, Gintoki occupying all the back passenger seats has already fallen asleep in a bizarre posture, with his head resting on one bag of strawberry milk and the other bag cradled in his arms. On the other hand, Old Gin in the front shotgun seat is nowhere better than him: his head has tilted aside, leaning against the car window and drooling ungainly as he dozes off.

The young designated driver parks the vehicle slowly and smoothly, then quietly removes the key, and glances up at the half-asleep silver-haired man right beside him.

He looks exactly the same as the day he left 10 years ago, with that slightly scruffy, tangled hair and the sparse beard, in sharp contrast with his somewhat formal-looking outfit, and a exhausted face.

Some rustling sound comes from the back. The driver alertly takes a glimpse in the rearview mirror. What he sees is the other silver-haired man, sprawled out in the back seats, struggles to turn over, together with the large bag of strawberry milk hugged in his arm, his loud snoring undiminished at all.

The young driver lowers his head. He has only less than a moment to relax

Finally, the true safe zone.

The entire way back had been filled with anxiety, he had spent every minute carefully considering how to begin the conversation, thinking of a normal way to express his unfathomable memories and thoughts… But even when he has finally returned to Yorozuya, he still cannot take the first step.

Since that day, he had lived like a walking corpse— not to mention the mixed-up, multiple versions of memories that have recently begun to overlap and conflict each other… 10 years had passed. At first, he had waited with hope, such childish hope, fantasizing about the day he would hear this person's voice again, until he lost patience, and then hope, gave up with melancholy after learning about the truth, and fell into seemingly endless despair. Then, at some moment he regained an opportunity that couldn't be more excellent, picking up the shattered pieces of hope again, desperately trying to piece them all together—

When he was sent to that asylum, he doubted if he did have truly lost his mind.

But now… finally. It's all worth it only if he can... only if they can...

"Since that day, everything had changed," the young man suddenly blurts out in a strangled voice. "Do you know how much I want to tell you about all of this? But time is about to run out. This is my only chance..."

If he can successfully change what is going to happen in the next tonight, that nightmare-ish 10 years will disappear, the contradictory, overlapping, chaotic memories will only have that glamorous, to an unreal degree version left...

A tear drops and hits on the back of his clenched fist. At the same time, the young driver feels a weight being removed from his head.

He bends down, uncontrollably trembles all over.

Sakata Gintoki (41) in the shotgun seat has woken up and reached out to take off his low pressed-down cap.

You are not from this universe, are you?

Are you sent by the Space/Time Administration*? What do you want?

What do you want me to do?

However, when the man next to him finally speaks, it's not what he had assumed at all— only one word, even too short to be called a sentence.

"Shusetsu."

He suddenly raises his head and turns to look at the man on his left. The 41-year-old Sakata Gintoki isn't looking at his direction, but eyes fixed on the cap he's holding in his hands, as if he was talking to it.

"What happened in the future..."

He watches Gintoki (41) pick out a white curly hair from the brim of that cap, his voice is so low that it's almost inaudible.

If it were the 27-year-old Sakata Gintoki, he might have asked half-jokingly and half-complainingly if the "white plague"* had returned.

"It's been 10 years, father." Sakata Shusetsu, who is now 20 years old but has a head full of pure white hair, lowers his head again to wipe away some tears. "I thought you wouldn't recognize me in this miserable state."

"How could a father not recognize his own son?" Gintoki (41) unbuckles his seat belt and reaches out to touch that headful of natural curly hair, which was and should still have been in that beautiful, light green color like broccoli cream soup, but is now snow-white, and cut extremely short.

To be honest, he had seen that scarred face clearly— oh god, why are there scars on his face, and such huge and long, and even 2 of them... it shouldn't be like that, never— at that moment, even earlier than his 27-year-old self. Heck, he even saw those crimson eyes he could not be more familiar with. He only hadn't spoken out due to some concerns that now seem insignificant.

No matter how old you get, what looks you have become, as long as I'm still alive, and still your father, I'll definitely recognize you in one way or another, even with my memory lost.

"The future... no, I should say this way, what happened to our universe?" His hand can't help but moves down, almost forcelessly, tracing one of the scars on Shusetsu's face, as if he is touching a piece of snowflake that would soon melt at the touch.

This time, Shusetsu finally turns himself fully around to face him. That two long scars cut by sword, extending from his forehead to his chin, twist bitterly in his somewhat stiff smile, as if they will dehisce and bleed if forced to twitch the muscles any further. This strange yet familiar face overlays with the face of his wife from a certain moment in his memory.

Everything in front of his eyes becomes blurred, but in one blink, they return to clarity again.

Gintoki (41) leans forward and hugs his son tightly. When he gets closest to him face to face, he sees his own face with light traces of tears, being reflected in that pair of very realistic but yet artificial mechanical eyes of Shusetsu.

The two father and son lean against each other silently, letting their tears soak each other's shoulders. But soon, Shusetsu retreats, breaks the hug and pulls away a little.

"A lot of things had happened, many people passed away... but it doesn't matter anymore now." He forces the stiff smile again, feeling the scars on his face ache slightly, and then takes back the cap from Gintoki (41) and puts it back on.

"Father, we don't have time to reminisce about the past. I came here for only one purpose: to send you and Hio back, to the time and space you belong to, before something happens. If I can succeed this, everything that once happened will be rewritten." Shusetsu says, and takes out two small pieces of translucent, acrylic sheets from his pants pocket, which are so faded that the original color is almost indistinguishable. He then hands them to Gintoki (41): "The return time is in approximately ten minutes. Please go upstairs and find Hio now."

Gintoki (41) takes the aged time-travel tickets from him. They are both one-way tickets, one for an adult and one for a child. Looks like they were bought from a long time ago. Except the large "one-way ticket" words printed on the tickets and a row of numbers in the return date box— seemingly being carved into the acrylic surface by some sharp object— everything else on the tickets are already faded out and become unrecognizable.

"But then, what about you..." Gintoki (41) puts the two tickets into the inner pocket of his kimono, still very concerned about how his son had become like this, his fingers touches the other two tickets he had bought earlier— those two light green round-trip tickets for adults, one of which was already half used.

"It's okay, please don't worry about me." Shusetsu has opened the door and steps out. "I will use the Patriot to erase the memories of everyone here who had come into contact with you and Hio." He opens the back door, grabs Gintoki(27)'s legs, slowly dragging him halfway out, removes the bag of strawberry milk from his arms, then puts him into a sit-up position and steadily lies the still snoring man on his back, finally carries him up and out of the pickup trunk in swift movements.

"When the 'present' for you returns to normal, my existence will naturally disappear from this 'past world' and return to the 'future' when I should exist." Shusetsu says as he starts walking upstairs. Gintoki (41) picks up the two bags of strawberry milk and follows him up the stairs. He was about to say something, but the words stopped at his lips.

The way Shusetsu just carried his main universe self is a common way to carry the wounded on the battlefield.

If the main universe begins to collapse, all the fanwork universes will follow that too. So... try to avoid dealing with yourself as possible as you can. Gengai that old coot's words echo in his ears untimely at this moment.

Damn it. What on earth had happened? Gintoki (41) curses himself in his mind.

How could he let such same experience happen again on his own son...

Sakata Gintoki, for those two bags of strawberry milk's sake, what on earth did you come here for?

Hio is very unwilling when she is woken up, but she still sits up from her temporary futon, reaching for the washed-and-dried clothes that are placed beside the futon with her eyes still closed.

Kagura lies right aside with all her arms and legs sprawled out, still sleeping soundly, not react a bit even with the Patriot knocking her head. Obviously, with Gin-san's absence, she took Hio and occupied the larger washitsu for the girls' bedroom, occasionally enjoying the luxury of sleeping in an ample room.

Gintoki (41) stands up from his daughter's side, turns around and treads softly towards the door of washitsu, leaning against the doorframe to watch Shusetsu use the whatever generation of new Patriot, which is only the size of a claw hammer, to gently knock on the heads of the other two males and one dog of the Yorozuya. For some reasons, Shinpachi chose to stay overnight at the Yorozuya today, which saves them the potential and unnecessary risk of meeting more acquaintances.

As soon as he finished, Shusetsu quickly puts away the Patriot and paces downstairs to erase the memories of others, including Otose, Catherine and Tama on the first floor.

Hio has changed back to her own clothes, still dozing off and let her father carries her to the armchair behind the desk and lie her down to rest on it. Gintoki (41) then goes to the gate to get their shoes. By the moment he gets there, he spots Shusetsu rushing down the stairs: "Shusetsu! You... aren't going to at least see your sister once?"

"I'm afraid not... It's okay. Don't worry. Once everything is settled, I will be able to go back and meet Hio over there." The silhouette on the stairs pauses for a second and continues going down, implying that he doesn't want to cause any more trouble.

For real?... Gintoki (41) closes his eyes and stands at the entrance, feeling the late-spring-early-summer night breeze that gusts in through the open door in silence.

Shusetsu, what had you been through by yourself? Even if the future will be changed once the past has been changed, the painful memories cannot be rewritten so easily the same way, right?

Even he himself has not yet figured out a way to completely forget his own painful memories.

Shusetsu, why are you so similar to me in this aspect... Why won't you let me help you share some of the burden? I am your father overall, no?

He trudges back into the room, already wearing his boots and holding Hio's in his hands. Fret grows like wines to tangle around his heart, tight and tighter.

After helping his daughter to put her shoes on, Gintoki (41) takes out the two faded one-way tickets that Shusetsu had given to him earlier, and places them side by side on the desk. The tickets are gradually emitting some light, growing brighter, indicating that the power of time travel is already taking effect.

"Finally leaving? Took you long enough."

Gintoki (41) jumps a little at the abrupt yet familiar voice, turns around and sees that his 27-year-old self of the main universe has got up from his previous posture of lying face-up on the long couch of the living room.

"How are you...?!"

"I was wondering why there were such stupid settings of one-way and round-trip tickets for time travel. So, this is how it works?" Gintoki (27) gets to his feet and saunters towards his other self of a parallel universe. The streams of light emitted from the two one-way tickets on the desk have grown into two intense luminous beams that are barely possible for anyone to look at directly. The lights shoot straight up onto the ceiling, seemingly to have even penetrated that and extend infinitely upwards into the sky.

"Hey, it's rude to leave without a goodbye, don't you agree?" Gintoki (27) has come to his side, but his attention seems to be drawn to the glowing tickets, picking up one of them and checks on it curiously: "12:00 AM, April 9th, 2025... So after midnight, everything will return to the way it is? What is this? Is your entire family Cinderella?"

"Regardless of why neither the Patriots work against you... me, Shusetsu, and Hio are all entities that should not exist in the main universe." Gintoki (41) rubs one of his temples. Till this end, this moment, he still has to explain all of this to his other self. No wonder that is Sakata Gintoki of the main universe. He picks up the other glowing ticket from the desk and holds out a hand towards Gintoki (27): "Hio felt wronged and ran away rashly because of me, but she secretly used a time machine that was still under repair, and with unknown reasons it sent her to this past timeline of the main universe... Everything was an accident that should not have ever happened, for the reason why parallel universes are called 'parallel' is there should not be any intersection among one another at all... In theory, all of these had definitely caused disorder in time and space already. It's unusual, and I wonder why the Space/Time Administration has not intervened yet."

"Anyway, all this has already happened. And you are not that ignorant to understand that it's no use to regret." Gintoki (27) flicks the still glowing acrylic sheet into the air with his thumb, like flipping a coin, then catches it in his fist. The strong light of the one-way ticket leaks through his fingers like small streams of water.

"Although it's only one day, I'm actually very happy, being able to meet another Sakata Gintoki from the future of a parallel world, that sounds awesomely cool. In fact, getting to know that he lives a decent life, has a family that's no worse than his current one, getting a little better with his business, and still gets along well with his friends... I think this is an unparalleled experience, something that I will never forget just because of some indescribable future technology."

At last, he hands over the one-way ticket to Gintoki (41), whose body is now gradually shrouded in the still increasing light.

"Take care of the people around you," Gintoki (27) says, "next time when come and visit in your spare time, remember to contact first."

"Huh, with such a supercilious arrogant bastard here, who would want a second visit?" Gintoki (41) takes back the ticket from him and laughs. Then he treads over to pick up Hio, who had fallen into a light sleep again. "I have only one last request... Please, just for a little while, keep an eye on Shusetsu for me till he returns."

"You had noticed?"

"I have an ominous premonition... Please, Sakata Gintoki."

"Among all the miscellaneous commissions I have taken all these years running Yorozuya, this feels uniquely rare... to receive a commission from your own," Gintoki (27) watches the two figures gradually become transparent as the lights surround them start to become thinner and dimmer, he slowly walks behind his desk and sits down, "So, what's the remuneration?"

"And why are you demanding so much while doing some good for yourself?" Old Gin rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face is still there. He uses one arm to steady Hio in his hold, and with the other hand, reaches into the inner pocket of his kimono, then tosses two things towards Gintoki. "60,000 yen it is then, enough? I'm spending my fucking original capital for this now."

"With this little amount? I can't even pay for a night at Snack Smile*." Gintoki catches them steadily and opens his Palm to see. They are two pieces of translucent, light green acrylic sheets with the words Time Travel | Adult Round-Trip Ticket printed on, one of which is folded in half.

"Things like feelings are priceless, you know."

He watches the last ray of light and the figures in the center disappear completely before him, then rises up and walks outside.

Chapter Text

Feeling that boots are too troublesome to be put on again, Gintoki simply dons the slippers from the bathroom— yes, that same pair of slippers, sometimes colored green, sometimes pink, one time black when he had to use one of it to fight against giant alien cockroaches*, so usually no one is willing to wear them— and dragging his feet, flip-flopping down the stairs. His left arm is withdrawn from the sleeve and hangs on the kimono in front of the abdomen, as usual; his right hand, however, has already taken out Touyako and leans the wooden sword body against his shoulder, like how a baseball player carries a bat. Around the corner of the stairs, he notices Shusetsu pushing his silver Vespa scooter down the load bed of the pickup truck, heading into the small alley between the two buildings.

"Just leave it behind the stairs."

Gintoki peeks over the handrails, his gaze meeting Shusetsu's, as the latter looks up towards his direction at the same time. But within a second, their gazes shift away, the eye contact ends.

Those aren't the eyes of a dead fish. Gintoki thinks. They are more likely of a still living yet lifeless fish, that clings to life only with few persistence of thoughts, but is able to face and accept death with equanimity the next moment... those eyes are only slightly better than his back then.

He scratches at a tuft of hair that's prickling uncomfortably behind his ear, brushes it back, and continues downstairs in his slippers.

"Your family had already left."

He says, going around to the back of the stairs. There he sees Shusetsu crouch down, one hand on the body of scooter to support its balance, the other hand clumsily trying to pry the kickstand down.

Before he gets up, Gintoki reaches forward and takes away his cap, which is no longer pressed-down very low to cover his face.

"!......"

"Weird, I remember your old man told me that it's the same color as Tsukki's..." Gintoki ignores his surprised expression and goes further to flip that head of cut-short, natural curly hair in white— the dull strands feel dry, dehydrated, and look completely lusterless. "It's not dyed or a wig, is it?"

"...Please don't tease me, mister."

Shusetsu soon gets up from the ground, his tone has become rigid, ice-cold distant.

"Oi, oi, are you throwing a tantrum at Gin-san? What is this? Adolescent rebellion?" Gintoki slams the cap back to him, a bit provocatively, and taps Touyako on his shoulder: "I don't care why you refused to talk to graybeard for a bit longer, but you should know at least one thing: I'm not your dad, and I'm not gonna tolerate your temper or let you mess around whatever you like— besides, you just chased your dad and sister away like it was costing your life for them to stay any longer, and yet you alone are still here... What on earth do you want to do?"

"Please don't ask any further."

Shusetsu puts the cap back on and walks away from Gintoki. This younger version of "father" from the main universe is clearly more difficult to deal with than he presumed.

He decides not to talk again, then shifts all attention to the surroundings with heightened alert.

"Sorry but that won't stop me. I don't know if your old man had taught you or not, but this is Yorozuya— be loyal to someone who has entrusted you with a task, take money from someone and help them eliminate the problems, that's the rule here." Gintoki followed him out the alley, and now the two stop under the eaves of first floor, right outside the closed Otose Snackbar. "The graybeard was so worried about you that he paid me a total 60,000 yen to babysit you before he left."

Shusetsu closes his eyes and sighs slightly in distress.

Once again, something unexpected happened... How could this happen?

Sakata Gintoki would keep his promises to others even at the cost of his own life. He knows that all too well.

Be prepared for the worst to come...

Look, as we've prepared for the worst coming, we should also expect the best outcome, don't you think?

"Father, had you truly prepared for the worst at that time?" He whispers to himself, then brings out a heavily-worn, plain silver ring from the welt pocket of his working uniform.

Gintoki, with enough self-awareness this time, doesn't make conversation but gets closer to take a look at the ring on Shusetsu's palm. It has no carvings or gemstones for decor, so plain to the point of penury, but with no doubt is a wedding ring; however, judging from the size and degree of wear, it obviously doesn't belong to Shusetsu. At a closer look, a faint line of markings, perhaps a date, was engraved on the inside band.

Gintoki raises his head to look at Shusetsu again. This kid truly does look like her… the scars on his face make the resemblance even more pronounced. At the moment, he also discovers that those pretty crimson eyes are actually mechanical prosthetics.

Has science and technology in the future advanced to this point, where it cannot be distinguishable that easily from the original, real thing? It reminds him of a certain baldy's robotic arm*. Is this something brought by Amanto, or technology developed by ourselves?

Shusetsu ignores him, simply holding the ring in his palm and staring at it for a while, as if he's waiting for something to happen. The ring remains unchanged. It didn't vanish, explode, or become brand new or change color. He sighs again, with a little disappointment, still no words to tell.

"So, what exactly are you waiting for?" Gintoki can't help but wonders, so he asks again.

Seriously, c'mon... don't leave everybody hanging on a cliffhanger will you? People like the Riddler are not welcome in Kabukicho.

Shusetsu finally gives him some response: an impassive glance. He carefully stores the ring away, then threateningly brings out the claw-hammer-sized, who-knows-what-generation Patriot from one of his pants pocket.

"Save it, kid. That thing does not work on Gin-san," Gintoki waves one hand with his eyes closed, somewhat proud of himself: "Hasn't your old man told you about this? When Gin-san was a bit younger, he was the creator of the Patriot and chief of the Patriot factory!... Ah, but with that personality of us, he probably had never mentioned it to you kids."

"That just adds another reason for me to refrain from telling you more, sir." Shusetsu finally replies to his words, and he puts the claw-hammer-sized Patriot away.

"Oi oi oi! Why are you so stingy like this?! Keeping it all to yourself is not what you supposed to do now okay??! The readers will complain being too plain and boring if you keep procrastinate without any elaboration on plots! And how long has this meaningless trashy dialogue been going on? Over 1,000 words, has it? That's reached almost a third of the usual length, no?! Stop wasting the paragraphs! Is it because it's been so long since last update that you can't think of anything interesting? You humanoid maggot!!!" Being stirred up with pressure of a main protagonist, Gintoki's grievance is already becoming apparent through the screen. "I'm begging you! Pull yourself together and do something! What the hell have you learned after four years of college!?"

"My sincere apologies Gin-san, but I'm merely in an agricultural science major, so my writing skills aren't that great..." The author being harshly criticized has finally showed itself in front of the computer screen, smiling awkwardly but looking as if it actually enjoys the scolding.

"If your writing isn't that great then what's the point of writing huh??! Stop coming up with excuses!..."

While Gintoki is still busy pointing fingers and picking faults at the alien humanoid author at a hole on the dimensional wall, Shusetsu has sensed something and grows wary. His entire body has tensed up, as if some formidable enemy is arriving the next moment.

"What's wrong?" Finishing his complaint, Gintoki stands up. The moment he rises up from the closing dimension hole, he instantly feels a silent, invisible, yet powerful energy blast spread like a shockwave, from a location just ahead of them. In less than a flash, he grows a weird sense of his entire body benumbed and his movements are a l l   s l o w e d     d  o  w  n        t    o          a    l    m    o     s     t            a                    p           a           u           s           e           .

"Wh......a......t......

                           ......w......a......s.......

                                                          ..…th...a...t......

                                                                                 ...THING?! Heavy acceleration*?!" The unknown effect lasts only a couple seconds, to all appearances, before Gintoki returns to normal. He turns to look at Shusetsu in surprise— why was this kid not affected just now?

But soon, Gintoki notices that he isn't the only one being surprised: Shusetsu seems even more shock at the fact of how quickly he managed to break away from that unknown effect; but still, he keeps his mouth shut and doesn't offer any explanation. Instead, he refocuses his attention, bends down to reach for the back of his safety boots, and pulls out a thin, long, dark, chopstick-like rod from one heel. He gives a press at the end of the object, and it expands itself rapidly, shapeshifting from a rectangular cuboid to a more cylindrical shape, and into a size of a small handheld flashlight.

From the way he grips it, Gintoki assumes that is probably the handle of a sword. A weapon.

"Is that a beam saber*?" he asks half-jokingly. If it weren't for the extended season episodes, the last time he saw that kind of Amanto weapon would be nearly ten years ago*.

Again, Shusetsu gives no answer to him. He is now focused and merely mumbling something under his breath, but what is being chanted out is in an incomprehensible language and of very high speed.

"...Akālaṃ-mṭtyu pari-trāṇa-karīṃ...Sarva bandhana mokṣaṇīṃ...Sarva duṣṭa duḥ-svapna nivāraṇīṃ..." *

Gintoki only is able to hear more clearly when he gets closer. It sounds like some kind of religious scripture or incantation. And rather, more like giving himself some mental comfort for composure than casting a spell or saying a prayer.

"What are you—" He is about to ask when at almost the same time, a second round of still silent and invisible, yet even more powerful shockwave of unknown energy rushes over— Gintoki is caught off guard, this time even thrown back half a step under the strong impact, that the only thing he manages to do (with his reflexes sparking the best) is raising his arms to block it; but in the next second, he hears an air-piercing, scratchy sound, like if a honed blade has just sliced through thick fabric— unlike the "sluggish" effect of the first impact, this time, everything around them is dimensionally reduced*. The streets to both sides, the nearby Otose Snackbar, his Vespa for god's sake and the parked pickup truck all have lost their colors, then gradually even the contours of object become transparent.

Shusetsu stands not far away from Gintoki, and remains in the position of gripping the unknown weapon— like he just swung down a sword to deliver a chop— with both his hands. Turns out the previous sound of air-piercing was probably from the unknown weapon being wielded by him. The weapon apparently grants some special power, it neutralized the effect of the second impact on them, because besides the two of them, now only a small leave-shaped patch of the ground beneath their feet retains color and some three-dimensional texture.

Apart from those, everything around has become completely blank, vacant, none.

The entire world is only endless vacuity now, a vast emptiness, devoid of anything.

Gintoki is surprised at his own reaction. Why wasn't he really astonished at all of these? Not even shocked. Just like yesterday, he easily accepted the existence of another "himself" from a parallel universe, and the possibility of a future with marriage and children.

"...Sir, I don't know why you're still able to move freely, but this as well as the intersection between parallel universes, should not exist under common sense," Shusetsu suddenly offers to explain while his body prepares for a second strike. "At 12:15 AM, midnight of April the 9th, Year 2015, the Japanese detachment of the Intergalactic Bureau of Space/Time Administration on Earth, [Shinchougumi], was given an order to destroy this intersection at all costs and restore the time curvature... If necessary, they were authorized by the upper jurisdiction to bypass legal procedures or conventional morality, and execute the suspects who caused the intersection on the spot."

"Suspects?! So 'back then' they were..."

Gintoki immediately realizes what he meant, but chooses not to speak it out loud.

"Even the child was not spared." Shusetsu lets out a derisive snort, coldly. "They are no different from the most callous Ezurearu Amantos who'd take out anyone standing in their way with no room of negotiation. Supposedly there were plenty of alternative solutions, yet they opted for the most extreme method."

"I've always wondered, perhaps someone was manipulating inside, interfering and abusing their power to avenge personal grudges... but that does not matter anymore now." He looks up at the approximate starting site of the two impacts. A small wormhole has been created and appeared midair, gradually becoming stable and expanding into an entrance big enough for people to come through.

A line of soldiers, stiff as lifeless corpse, wearing metal masks and identical dark leather uniforms, file out of the wormhole with the clatter of synchronized footsteps, marching to form a circle around Gintoki and Shusetsu. Each soldier holds a rifle equipped with bayonet.

"Oya oya*, last time was a father and daughter, this time father and son? Hymn? Wait..." A synthesized male's voice drifts from the end of the march. "What is this?"

The voice came from a man who oozes an air of bureaucratic arrogance. He soon enters the encirclement of soldiers and stops in front of Gintoki and Shusetsu. Two other soldiers, presumably lieutenants, follow closely behind him. The ["Commander"] wears an attire not very disparate from the surrounding soldiers, except he does not have a metal mask on his face. Instead, his entire face resembles much of "Lockdown" from the Transformers 4 movie, including his “beard” and other “hair”, are all made up of countless pieces of components, large and small, of various materials.

"..."

Shusetsu knits his brows and takes a step to the left, shielding in front of Gintoki. His move immediately triggers the surrounding soldiers to react: over twenty rifles all simultaneously point at him.

The [Commander] raises up a hand, signaling the soldiers to hold their fire. His condescending gaze, filled with intense scrutiny and overbearing attitude, merely glances at Shusetsu for a split second, but then sweeps back and forth over Gintoki for quite a time, as if he wants to cut open his skin, rend out his internal organs, peel him down layer by layer and turn his inside out completely, to examine him thoroughly until nothing remained hidden.

That's a man who would not dirty his hands when commit homicides. Gintoki averts his gaze in disgust, his right hand clenching Touyako tighter. A classic bureaucrat.

"So... that was the performance of 'Katanai'?" Not after a long while went by has the [Commander] withdrawn his poisonous stinging gaze from Gintoki, and reverts his attention to the oddly unknown weapon in Shusetsu's hands: "Larceny! Possibly accompanied by burglary, and misappropriation of a highly classified weapon still under-development as a non-staff individual...what a great example of concurrent punishment for several crimes! Very well! All units on my command!" He waves his hand vigorously. "Ready!"

"No wait! You're not—" Gintoki suddenly feels his stomach contract like it's being squeezed altogether. He can see all the rifle muzzles that had aimed at him and Shusetsu are starting to generate energy, as more and more red dots of light are concentrating— obviously more than ready to fire some kind of high-energy beam.

Bad, very bad! With this awful situation of potential attack from all directions, even Touyako... no, even his protagonist power of the Gintama main universe wouldn't be able to stop all those, those firings, right?!

These people are true nutjobs, completely unreasonable... just like what Shusetsu had told him earlier. They only concern about removing obstacles or eliminating problems, probably have no longer regarded Shusetsu and him as human beings from the very beginning.

"Aim—!" And of course, the [Commander] ignores his shouting and continues giving the next order to the soldiers.

Just as Gintoki is debating to himself whether to duck down or leap upwards to avoid the incoming linear all-round attack, he hears Shusetsu whispering to him: "Gintoki-san, please get down the next time I deliver the slash."

"Oh you've already figured out a solution by now? That's..." Gintoki chuckles, "That's very smart of you, much better than your old man."

"You're flattering me, sir." Shusetsu's face twitches in a very unnaturally rigid way, as if he's trying to smile at his best.

"Fire!" The final command is dropped as [Commander]'s arm swings downward, the same moment, over twenty beams of intensely hot, red energy are shot towards the two men at the center of the encirclement.

Gintoki immediately ducks and lunges forward, now all he can see in his horizontal field of view is Shusetsu's body spinning quickly in clockwise as his feet move. The air-piercing sound of honed blade ripping through thick fabric rings out again.

He only dares head up a little to scan around. Following the strange sound is the bizarre view of the energy beams disappearing while still flying towards them midair, all of them disappear in a flash. The hilt-shaped weapon named Katanai seems to function similarly to the "eraser" in painting software, capable of "erasing" or "neutralizing" some levels of attack within a certain range.

He is about to stand up, when Shusetsu stops him with a hand.

"Don't act like you're the only ones armed with Rica plasma beam weapon..." There are subtle clinking noises in his voice, of mechanical components activating and shifting while he's speaking.

Gintoki looks upwards to him, and is surprised to see Shusetsu's facial "skin" separate— several pieces moves apart along the two long scars, like petals of a blossom blooming. Beneath that layer are not muscles and soft tissue of what a normal human being has, but some kind of titanium-white alloy, gradually transforming into a fairly large-caliber cannon muzzle and extending, protruding outward.

"You're... RHX-891-B14?! How... How is that possible!" The [Commander] cringes, and takes a step back; his previous high-handed manner has been replaced by shock and fear. "How could a project still under-discussion and unimplemented by the Imperial Army be already completed... Sh-shoot! Fire—"

Before the [Commander] could finish his orders, the two lieutenants standing behind him suddenly push him forward like pinning down a suspect to the ground— the next second or less, a high-heat, large, continuous beam of green light brushes past the tip of his peaked cap, sweeping clockwise at high speed. It devours all the red beams of energy flying in from every direction, surpassing them, and reaping the heads of the surrounding soldiers, blisteringly melting everything it touches with unimaginable heat.

The ostensibly nonexistent "blank" ground now is littered with countless broken, scorched limbs and scrapped rifle pieces, but there is no blood split, nor stench of burnt flesh in the air.

The [Commander] remains his kneel-down posture on the ground, clutching his head, his legs are all trembling. In his peripheral vision, he peeks the torsos of his two lieutenants not far away, one of their heads still rolling forward on the ground. Puffs of black smoke rise from the burnt circuitry at their snapped necks.

"This, this is... no..."

"Nakayama Nobuhira, Shinchougumi Commander, 10 years ago in here, you disregarded common laws and ethics when it was not under necessary conditions, and you gave the order to execute... no, murder a father and daughter who had not resisted even once. Do you ever have the memory of this?!" Shusetsu approaches him step by step. The titanium-white alloy cannon muzzle has overheated and is just cooling down from white-hot to red, emitting a large amount of white steam; his bright red, shinning mechanical eyes stare through the steam screen and fix intently at that delicately-assembled face, which has begun to tremor uncontrollably as he gets closer and closer: "No, of course not! How could you have possibly remembered any of it... after all of those years abusing your authority for countless times, no?!"

Somewhere not far behind them, Sakata Gintoki stands up, wanting to say something, but eventually didn't.

It's never too late for a gentleman to revenge, even with a ten-year's preparing, again, Shouyou-sensei's voice echoes in his ears, but as your sensei, I hope that none of you would ever let hatred waste and ruin your whole life...

But Sensei, can one really let go feuds of family and bloodline with merely the passing of time?

It's been ten years, Sensei, and I still cannot comprehend that.

"Shusetsu!..." He finally calls out to the figure that's increasingly resembling more and more of his younger self.

Shusetsu's grip on [Commander]'s neck temporarily stops applying more force: "Please don't try to stop me."

"He's a government officer isn't he? It's not worth getting your hands dirty... besides, it would easily get intractable." Gintoki comes closer to him. "I can..."

"It's not like I haven't killed people before, sir... nothing to pity about." Shusetsu's face has reverted to its previous "normal" form, but his grip eventually loosens on [Commander]'s neck. "...Perhaps you're right. I was never given the rights to take another's life. Even for such a scumbag... let the law judge him and handle the punishment."

He turns away, his voice sounds disappointed and powerless like if he is just tired of everything in the world.

Gintoki, somewhat feeling guilty, averts Shusetsu's gaze, which has grown emptier. Neither of them speak, nor notice the transformation happening on [Commander]'s face, which begins under the cover of his intended coughs as he still lies curled-up on the ground—

*rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat

Shusetsu can't even turn around to throw one last fierce glare at that shameless man, who is still pretending to curl up on the ground right behind him. Surprise, anger, and resentment freeze on his face as he collapses forward.

The [Commander] had fired a full 50 rounds of Micro Gatling bullets at him within a single blow. While not imminently fatal, it has successfully destroyed over 90% of his body functions. All the parts below his head— including his neck— are paralyzed now.

Blood, mixed with component shock-absorber and coolant fluid, flow out of the freshly created bullet holes. Loud, strident system alerts are shrilling repeatedly in his head. And the only thing Shusetsu is still able to do is controlling the facial system to expand the outer shell, and barely turns his head around a few degrees. His neck joints ache with the creaking sound of circuit failure. The worn, silver ring in his welt pocket had also got hit and become deformed by the bullets, it flew out when he fell down, and landed in a small, still-expanding pool of body fluids.

Then, he sees Sakata Gintoki paces past rapidly, leaving a small trail of blood drops behind his steps. Shortly after, [Commander]'s pompous agitating laughter comes to an abrupt end accompanied by the raspy noise of perforation.

Gintoki expressionlessly severs the [Commander]'s head, lifts it up with Touyako, and then kicks on it with his full strength. The metallic head instantly shatters into dozens of pieces in the air, scattering to the ground, some rolling away to a distance.

Gintoki closes his eyes. The fury didn't subsided when his sword struck and penetrated [Commander]'s throat, neither does now after all of... this. He turns away and hurries back to Shusetsu's side.

"Sorry." He helps Shusetsu to roll over and lets him lie on his back, "I shouldn't have stopped you."

"Please don't mind it... *cough... Those weren't their real bodies to begin with, they aren't even human beings anymore... just some terminal hardware consumables. Afterall, for them beings of higher dimensions, physical existence... or bodies... are merely tools created to *cough... manage the worlds. They may have as many as they want."

"But then, you..."

"How I also wish I have access to the higher dimensions. That would be so less troublesome, I wouldn't even have to come here, to this time and space..." Shusetsu's voice fades out, but his gaze remains fixed on the deformed, bloodstained silver ring that is still on the ground— it's slowly disappearing.

"I did it." He hears his own voice not as pleasant or surprised as he expected, but rather filled with exhaustion.

I finally got what I wanted, but why can't I smile?

Shusetsu blinks once. A drop of coolant fluid trickles down from the corner of his eye.

Chapter Text

A short glossary on certain sci-fi setting terms in alphabetic order:

[Intergalactic Bureau of Space/Time Administration]

As the name suggests, this is the "behind the scenes" interstellar organization that manages dimensions like time (4d) and space (3d). Founded by higher-dimensional beings, it establishes and stations armed forces (Ahhhhhh the space/time police everyone run!!! by Gintoki) at various locations in space (galaxies or planets) and runs under its own independent legal system. Officers assigned to their locations select qualified natives to join the local branch and undergo string (of the String theory) transformation surgery, which Shusetsu described as granting them "access to higher dimensions." The chosen individuals/employees can choose to:

1. detach their minds (or soul, spirit, the abstract entity of cogitation, all the same thing) from their physical bodies, and then upload the mind to the basic higher dimension, while retain and seal away their bodies (like in the Matrix); and/or

2. accept surgery to transform their bodies into a "terminal hardware" (like in Expelled from Paradise) to adapt to the high-dimensional travel required for their daily working routine, which helps maintain their sanity.

For example, the [Commander] had chose to detach his mind and transform his body into a "terminal hardware" that is also capable of transforming into a weapon. Notably, these chosen individuals/employees are unaffected by any changes in space and time.

[Katanai/形無（かたない）]

A grammarly-incorrect word I made up from the term 形無し, which means "no-form" or "shapeless" in Japanese. It's also a small homonymic joke as the name includes "katana"(sword) and "nai" (none). (That's too cold for a name joke. by Shinpachi) The inspiration is Seitō Hakari (誠刀・銓) from Katanagatari.

It's a foldable weapon developed by future technology, similar in size and appearance to a small flashlight when fully unfolded. As its name suggests, the "katana" does not have a physical blade, or rather, its blade is composed of high-dimensional strings (*inserts X-file music, by Tama), rendering it invisible and intangible. Katanai belongs to a highly classified project under the Space/Time Administration and is still under development. Nevetheless, the weapon itself is usable. Its current capabilities include (but are not limited to) the ability to negate or neutralize any form of energy attack (move name Dead Angle) by a certain degree and within its swing-range, as seen in the two strikes delivered by Shusetsu. Originally I intended set it as completely silent, but with that description it'd lack traction and become less impressive, so I decided to describe its sound as "an air-piercing, scratchy sound of a honed blade slicing through thick fabric".

[RHX-891-B14]

Full name "Remote Humanoid eXperimental model-Version 8.9.1-Blast type No.14". A humanoid mechanical weapon unit of a certain in-development weaponry project under the Imperial Army's direct monitor and management, which the army belongs to the Great Japan Militarism Empire, (the WHAT empire????! WTH what have you done to our background settings!!! How am I going to start my routine intro now?!?!?! by Shinpachi) a new name of Land of the Samurai to be called among the galaxies.

The name is a reference to one of my favorite real robot units the Genzu Gundam RX-78-2 (abbrev of Renpou eXperimental-78-2, the 2nd of 3 Gundam prototype units constructed since U.C.0078). The "base" of the weapon unit is Shusetsu. Or in other words, after a series of body modification surgery (oi OI wtf are you writing Shu-chan into?? A showa kamen rider or a Ghost in the Shell character?? There are too many references and you are not creative at all you humanoid maggot!! by Gintoki) there is 55% of the whole body replaced by alloy machinery and modified into transformable weapons, while the rest is still human flesh (yes you heard me right this is human body experiment). Some major modifications include a main weapon inside the head— the transformable Rica plasma beam cannon (refers vaguely to Shin Getter-1's attack move face Getter Beam in SRW T, oh and here comes HEATS in the background: 熱くなれ~! 夢みた明日を~~~);  brain control, and some other weapons normally hidden inside body.

Being designated as the 14th unit of experimental weapon, due to the fact that he could not be completely put under remote control and still retains much of his own thoughts, Shusetsu is considered a failed unit and has been abandoned since the last time he was found "rebellious" and his "bugs" could not been "fixed". Most of his armed weapons had been removed from his body by this time, except the cannon inside his head for he might actually die if it was removed. The Shurangama mantra is the authorization code for the use of Shusetsu's head cannon (yes he still needs to verify to use it even though he is not under control, for the system programming's fault, and the code can be changed remotely by the control side). It will be locked again after 30 minutes.

[Rica Plasma Beam Weapon]

RPBW in short. A high-heat energy beam, name referred from the mega-particle beam of the UC Gundam series. (wow you really don't have any creativity of your own, no? this is boring. by Kagura) The beam rifles of the Shinchogumi soldiers and Shusetsu's head cannon are all different versions of this weaponry.

[Shinchougumi/真懲組]

A branch of Intergalactic Bureau of Space/Time Administration on Earth. They are in charge of Japan region for management of space/time travel. The name is based on Shinchōgumi (新徴組) in the real history. You can call them the space/time police too. The minor antagonist [Commander] Nakayama Nobuhira (中山 信平/なかやま のぶひら) has his name borrowed from Nakayama Nobuyasu (中山 信安/なかやま のぶやす) but the character is not based on the historic figure. Another character of this organization has also been mentioned in previous work and will appear in the future, scavenger hunt is welcome lol (Woof woof! by Sadaharu, excitedly)

[the 1st impact wave]

Commonly known as 4D Braker or Time Braker among the employees of Space/Time Administration. It is inaudible and invisible, spreads like a shockwave in 360 degrees once it is released. Its function is to restraint all the movements in 4-dimensional space except the movements of the "foreign entities" that do not belong to this space-time location, or in other words, to stop the time of this space-time location. However, by possessing or carrying certain special objects (that are also considered "foreign entities"), individuals that belong to the designated space-time location may still be able to move under certain levels. Take Gin-san as an example. (Eh?? by Shinpachi and Kagura)

[the 2nd impact wave]

Commonly known as Remover among employees. Its physical properties are similar to 4D Braker but functions differently: it works to remove the "foreign entities" from the 3-dimensional space (of the space-time location) where it does not belong to; or relatively speaking, to eliminate the surrounding 3-dimensional space around the "foreign entities". It is confirmed that Katanai can be used on neutralizing this type of impact wave.