Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Her entire life, she’d been taught to hate demons. She was raised to fight them, kill them, without an ounce of hesitation or sympathy. They were unfeeling, uncaring entities, agents of chaos and misery that could only bring doom upon the world. They were vile. Disgusting. Evil. That was the simple truth that she and all who came before held as gospel. That was the very foundation of their purpose, to protect the unseeing public from forces that sought to destroy them at every turn. So if those were the principles she believed to be true, in all her youthful innocence and naivete, how was she supposed to feel about herself? With the patterns that marred her skin from the day she was born, with the blood of human and demon intermingling within her, how could she ever be anything more than horrid? She was meant to be a hunter, a demon slayer. Her destiny was to seal the Golden Honmoon and purge the world of demons forever. Her future was one devoid of patterns, where she could finally be open with the people she loved most. So what future was there for a half-demon in a world purged of monsters? Where else could her story end but at the tip of a hunter’s blade?

It was easier to separate herself from the demon rather than face that cruel possibility. To see it as a parasite, a disease to be cured, an unknowable “other” set in place to thwart her true destiny. If she separated herself – her human self – from the demon that plagued her, it could be killed without robbing her of the life she dreamt of. It could be ripped away without a second thought, and she would move on without the shackles of patterned skin holding her back from all the world's joys.

She would finally be free.

Then it happened. They won. Gwi-Ma was defeated, his armies scattered, and instead of the gold they’d expected an Iridescent Honmoon was born anew. Secrets were revealed, bonds were betrayed and mended all within the same harrowing night. Rumi learned the hard way that freedom was not found in denial. It was found in self-acceptance, in forgiveness, in trust shared with those you hold closest. It was found in love.

The love of her fans, the love of her friends, was enough to bridge the impossible gap she had to contend with when she still struggled to love herself. The patterns did not vanish like Celine promised through all her childhood years, but she didn’t detest them as much as she once had. They’d lightened from harsh, neon purple to near pale white stripes across the majority of her body, and the fans had readily fawned over her “edgy new look.” They didn’t know they were once marks of shame across her skin. The patterns were not the only thing that had lingered, however. There was another change that happened that night, something deep in the core of her being that would rob her of her newfound peace.

In the absence of two decades of shame and self-loathing, pain filled the void within her. She’d accepted her demon, yes, she embraced it as a part of who she was and who she would always be. And all at once the presence of that demon was ripped away from her, burned away by Gwi-Ma’s wrath, and traitorously sealed by the strengthened Honmoon. She couldn’t feel it any more, only an unending ache in its stead.

Rumi was no stranger to pain. She was a hunter after all, they’d gone through rigorous training in their youth to prepare for what could have been an eternal struggle against hell itself. She and the girls had fought countless battles, nursed countless wounds, all for the sake of protecting humankind. After all their struggles and victories, was it really so selfish to want to enjoy a peaceful hiatus? Hadn’t she dealt with enough problems without having inexplicable pain tear through her? It pulsed through her in waves with every step she took, sending prickles up her legs, rattling her spine, crushing her skull at its peak. The brightness of the day felt like needles behind her eyes, and even with sunglasses to shield her she couldn’t fight off the headache mounting in her temples.

Mira nudged her with a pointed elbow, causing a new ache to flare along her arm. “Rumi, you good? You’ve been weirdly quiet today.”

“Yeah! Sorry, I’m good. Just a little tired I guess. That conference really wiped me out.”

She was referring, of course, to the press conference Bobby arranged to dispel the last lingering rumors of their “breakup” at the Idol Awards. They wanted the world to see that HUNTRIX would hold strong for many years to come, that the girls were closer than ever and ready to take their next big leap after a well deserved rest.

“Reporters are always a hassle,” Zoey sighed. “But! At least all that boring stuff is out of the way now, right? We can finally relax!”

“It’s about time,” Mira added.

“I have so many shows to catch up on! We are going to flatten that couch, like, ‘not getting up for three days’ flat.”

“Might as well be on the floor flat.”

“EXACTLY!”

Rumi nodded along, barely listening beyond the pounding in her head. “I just can’t wait to be home.”

“Word.”

The trio stepped out of an alleyway and onto the main street a few blocks away from their tower. They’d been driven about halfway from the conference before opting to walk the rest of the way by foot, wanting to pick up a buffet’s worth of food to parse out throughout the night. They already had two bags each, and would likely come home with three more by the time they made it home. Despite changing to something more casual to blend in, someone still recognized them as they crossed the street. Within moments a crowd had circled them with raucous energy, a joy that the girls would normally embrace with enthusiasm. Today, unfortunately, Rumi just wasn’t in the mood for it. She’d hoped the walk would help her loosen up for the rest of the evening. Instead, pain clustered at the base of her spine the longer she stood there with her plastered-on smile. Her fingers went stiff as a group of younger girls begged her for an autograph, joints seeming to creak through every motion. Her signatures were sloppy but legible; her facade was even sloppier. It was getting harder to mask her discomfort, especially as she removed the shades for a photo.

Their fans didn’t seem to notice the falter in her every step or the short, unsteady breaths she drew in, but Mira did. It didn’t take long for Zoey to pick up on it too, and the girls shared a worried look as their leader slumped in the pause between requests. It seemed unending, the stream of fans bounding over from every street corner and alleyway to say hello to them. Somehow Rumi kept grinning through every silent protest her body gave.

It was when her shoulders started to tremble that Mira finally intervened. “Sorry guys, as much as we’d love to stay and chat with you all our manager is calling us away,” she strode up behind Rumi, gently pulling her away from the crowd, “urgent meeting, I wish we could skip it but you know how it is.” Rumi balked at the sudden announcement.

“What? We don’t have—“

“But we promise to set up another meet-up soon!” Zoey chimed, stepping between her girls and their fans. “We love you all and we want to show our appreciation for supporting us all these years. So be on the lookout for future events, we’ll make more time for each and every one of you!”

Mira flashed a peace sign, then continued to usher Rumi away. “Yep, we really have to run but we’ll see you all soon!”

Before anyone could get another word in the pair ferried their leader away, ducking through a few alleys and side streets before Rumi finally forced them to stop.

“Wait, just — just wait a sec,” she gasped, bracing herself against a wall. “I… I need a minute, please…”

Zoey and Mira shared another look. This wasn’t just fatigue like they’d hoped, this was something worse.

“Rumi? What’s going on?” Zoey asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I don’t… know. I just… I don’t know.”

“Hey, you promised you wouldn't hide things anymore,” Mira scolded.

“I’m not! I promise you I really don’t know what’s happening, it just hurts, all the time and I — I thought it would stop but it keeps coming back and I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”

Rumi finally heaved out a sob as a fresh wave of pain rocked through her. She sagged to the floor, holding herself together as her body threatened to tear itself in two. The girls closed in on both sides to shield her in her moment of vulnerability, uncertain hands braced on her shoulders or otherwise floating uselessly in the air between them.

“How long has this been going on?” Mira asked.

“When we restored the honmoon… that’s when it started,” she sniffled. “I thought I was sore from the battle but it never got better. Some days are manageable but today it's just... it's too much.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, Mira scowled at her own ignorance in the face of Rumi’s suffering. It had been weeks since the Idol Awards, weeks of Rumi silently working through unknown maladies, weeks of their friend carrying this weight alone. How did she not see it sooner?

“Look, I’m not mad at you okay? But I have to ask, why didn’t you tell us earlier?”

Rumi wiped a tear from her cheek, eyes trained on the ground as she found herself unable to meet Mira’s gaze. “I wanted to, but I was too afraid and confused to get the words out. I didn’t know how to explain what was happening to me, all I know is it hurts, and it doesn’t stop hurting no matter what I do. What if… what if my whole life is like this? What if this never heals?”

Zoey leaned down to lock eyes with Rumi, grinning up at her. “Don’t think like that! We’ll find a way to fix this, no sweat. There has to be a way to heal you. And until we find it we’ll be here to support you however you need us!”

“We’ve got your back,” Mira added with a nod.

For a moment, Rumi let herself believe in them. Not in the possibility of a solution or in the promise of healing, but just in them. Even if this was her life, her future, it was worth it if she could just hold on to this time together. Of all the awful things she’s suffered, she feared losing them the most.

“Thank you, both of you. I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

“Of course!” Zoey beamed. “So, what do you need from us right now?”

“I think… I need help standing. Moving on my own right now is hard.”

Mira stared at her for a moment, then held her bags out for Zoey to take. Shuffling to crouch before Rumi, she presented her back with arms stretched out behind her. “Hop on.”

Rumi couldn’t help but blush. “Oh no,” she said, waving her hands in front of her, “it’s ok, I can still walk.”

“You can. But you don’t have to.”

“Mira —"

“Rumi.” She peered over her shoulder, brows furrowed but no less kind. “Let me do this for you.”

It seemed like an impossible request. She wasn’t supposed to be vulnerable, wasn’t supposed to want or need help from anyone. Rumi wasn’t allowed to be weak. If she was too weak, too needy, the demon would gain control. If she wasn’t the perfect vigil Celine groomed her to be, the world would fall before she could even think to be sorry.

“Dude, my arms are getting tired. Are you moving or not?”

Then again, Celine had been wrong before. The world was safe now. Maybe she could let her perfect visage slip, just for today. Rumi groaned as she shifted onto her knees, wrapped her arms around Mira’s shoulders, and allowed herself to be hoisted up onto her back. The tallest of the three had no issues standing for the both of them, having built up strength through dance and battle alike. The three began to move towards home once again.

“Thank you,” Rumi muttered, holding a little tighter. “You’re sure I’m not too heavy?”

“It’s not like I’d put you down if you were. I’m not a quitter.”

“Still… thank you.”

“Any time.”

For a short while, the pressure on Rumi lightened. The pain in her spine faded to background noise, the headache dulled to nothing more than an echo of a throb. She could almost remember what it was like to feel normal. Rumi allowed herself to hope that maybe things would be okay after all.

Chapter Text

It was wishful thinking on her part to expect even one night of peace. One night of comfortable sleep. One night without interruption. Just. One. Night.

Truthfully, she hasn’t had a night of peace since her patterns began to creep down her arms. She was always afraid of being exposed, losing her friends, losing everything , because of one slip up she couldn’t take back. Maybe it was foolish to think that she could finally rest after the Honmoon was restored. No, now she had the pain to contend with, and it reminded her with every shift in positions that it would never leave, not without a fight. 

Rumi rolled onto her back painfully slowly, whining as she tried to settle in. Her whole body was sore for no reason at all. Even with the painkillers Mira bought for her it lingered. Minutes turned to hours, night drifted into an unwelcome morning, and the rising sun robbed her of any hope for sleep. With a heavy sigh Rumi rolled onto her side again, taking on the daunting task of getting out of bed. Deep breath in, one leg over the edge of the bed, deep breath out. Then the next leg. Another deep breath. A shuffle to the edge that drew a hiss from her teeth. Another breath. And another. Another.

Was it too late to crawl back under the covers?

The next breath made her ribs ache; the exhale gave no relief. The floor, unforgiving, felt as though it might cave beneath her when she finally stood. Rumi didn’t bother changing out of her pj’s, simply pocketing her phone as she left the room on unsteady feet. She half assed brushing her teeth, elected to ignore her nest of hair, and shuffled out to the living room long before either of her friends would wake. She expected to be alone for a few more hours, which suited her just fine. She preferred it that way. 

In the lonely dawn she could admire the sunrise few ever saw. Tints of pink and orange chased away the dark, and as the sun took its place on the horizon the skyline glittered with light. From their penthouse atop the tower she always got the best view. Now with the shimmering veil of the Honmoon adding to that view, it couldn’t be more perfect.

Slumped on the couch, Rumi was content to just… wait. Wait for her friends to wake, wait for the world’s attempt to distract her from the endless ache, wait for the sun to make its bed once again so she could try to join it in sleep. Wait for the pain to quiet itself, though she knew deep down that it wouldn’t. When her friends eventually did wake up to join her, they were shocked to find her half awake on the couch. 

“Rumi, did you sleep at all?” Zoey asked, setting a hand on her knee as she sat beside her. Rumi could only shake her head no.

Mira draped herself over the back of the couch to Rumi’s left. “Do you, like, want to nap here?”

She shook her head again.

“We’ll have an easy day then! No going out, no activity, just couchrotting and animal videos until you’re ready to sleep again.” Zoey furiously tapped at her phone with a grin. “I already have a whole playlist of bird clips to show you both!”

“Sounds perfect,” Rumi sighed.

Tilting her head to look, Zoey already had the first clip of a dancing parakeet teed up while Mira busied herself in the kitchen. For a brief moment Rumi could almost ignore the burning in her shoulders and the pressure in her spine, sufficiently distracted by a dozen different clips of pets bobbing their heads to songs of their choosing. It was adorable. Even in her exhaustion she found herself aweing and cooing at each one along with Zoey.

When Mira returned with three plates of buttery toast and a little bowl of fruit, Rumi grimaced. “I don’t know if I have much of an appetite…”

Shrugging, Mira set it aside. “Well it's there if you want it. Now show me these birds you’ve been gushing over.”

Oddly enough, Rumi found some relief in her friend’s indifference. The last thing she wanted was to be coddled. She didn’t want to give any sort of leverage to the feeling of helplessness haunting her mind. There was something relieving about her girls just acting normal with her, passing the time with silly videos and banter about nothing at all. It was so wonderfully mundane. 

Rumi did eventually eat her breakfast, though it had long since lost its crunch, and felt sated all through lunch. Bird videos turned to full on movies, and as they discussed dinner plans her eyes grew heavy with fatigue. Head drooping, she slumped further where she sat despite the pain in her back and began to doze off. 

The conversation grew quiet. Someone – Mira she guessed – pressed into her shoulder and waited. They nudged her gently at first, then with more insistence, as if inviting her to lay her head there. Unable and frankly unwilling to resist, Rumi let herself lean against them. It stretched her neck uncomfortably, and aggravated her back, but somehow she felt herself drift off to sleep.

The whole day passed with her resting against Mira, then Zoey, then Mira again, shifted between the two as they each got up to tend to other things around the apartment. Not once did they allow themselves to leave Rumi alone. Her head was laying on Zoey’s lap when she finally woke to the sound of crinkling bags. Glancing up through bleary eyes, she spotted Mira entering the penthouse with two bags of takeout.

A hand threaded through her hair, moving a few strands out of her face. “Heyyy sleepyhead, feeling better?” 

“Mhm. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep so long.”

“Didn’t bother me.” Zoey directed her attention to Mira, who’d rejoined them on the couch. “You?”

“Nope.”

Rumi shifted onto her back to look up at them. “Still, it was rude to fall asleep on you two – literally . You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

“I mean, if we really didn’t want you here we could’ve put you to bed,” Mira said, “but you looked comfy, and we wanted to make sure you actually slept. It really wasn’t a problem, Rumi.”

“Plus you’re suuuper cute when you sleep,” Zoey beamed. 

“Like unfairly cute. Almost criminal.”

With a chuckle, Rumi strained to sit up. “Well thank you both for being my pillows for the day. I really do feel better now.”

“Better enough to eat?” 

At her jubilant nod, Mira grinned wickedly. “Good, I bought a lot. We’re eating like queens tonight and passing the fuck out.”

After a series of escalating cheers they tore into the bags, mumbling through bites of food and choking down mouthfuls far too large for the average person. Rumi, for her part, ate with far less enthusiasm than her friends. She still cleared most of her plate but it was clear her appetite wasn’t all there. 

At the end of their meal Mira sprawled out on the floor in a star, limbs splayed with just a hand on her stomach. “I overdid it. I’m dying. Dead. Never wake me up again.”

“Seconded,” Zoey groaned, face down on the couch.

“Third.” Rumi raised her hand, then let it flop back on her lap. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m ready for another nap.”

“Good, that was the idea. Hopefully we can get you to sleep through the night this time.” Rolling into a squat, then onto her feet, Mira stood swiftly. She held out both hands towards Rumi. “Bedtime?”

“Definitely.”

She was easily pulled to her feet, shoulders straining as she worked unused muscles for the first time all day. When she moved to clean the table, Zoey smacked the back of her leg.

“Leave it! We’ll clean it up.” 

Rumi didn’t have a chance to protest before Zoey continued, “we’ve got it, don’t worry.”

This was exactly what she wanted to avoid: the coddling, the extra attention, the special treatment, all the little things that would prove she was a burden to them. No, there was no excuse for her to leave it all for them to take care of. They’d done everything else for her today, the very least she could do was clean the damn table. 

Ignoring the blatant concern from her friends, she quickly gathered everything into two precarious stacks and moved all their trash to the kitchen, sorting and cleaning as she went. The longer she stood the more her back protested each movement, and before she could wash even a single dish she’d lost her drive to do anything. How pathetic was she? She couldn’t even wash the damn plates?

Zoey’s hand brushed over her forearm, stopping the train of thought as soon as it took off. “Rumi? I’ve got it from here okay? It’s my turn anyways.”

It wasn’t her turn. Rumi always kept track in her head, Zoey had done the dishes last time so tonight it fell on her to take care of it. But her body was so tired, and the pull of sleep was so tempting, and Zoey was giving her those puppy dog eyes she couldn’t refuse… she relented, backing away from the sink with a quiet “sorry.”

“Don’t be, I don’t mind. You go get some sleep.”

At this, Rumi relented as well. She wished the girls goodnight and shuffled off to bed, but sleep didn’t find her that night either. The combination of steady pain and guilt kept her from resting easily. She didn’t deserve to sleep. She hadn’t done nearly enough to earn a peaceful night. Rumi tossed and turned with no relief, stared at the moon with equal parts anger and envy as it disappeared from sight, and shied away from the sun when it greeted her once again. 

Another day passed in the same fashion… then a third… and fourth.

The fifth time around she didn’t give the sun a chance to peer through her window before she’d moved to the living room. It was fine, she decided. It had to be. She had to be. Rumi wasn’t allowed not to be fine. In fact, she was so fine that she was going to make them breakfast as thanks for all the attention they’ve given her. They had enough ingredients stocked to make a quick stew, a perfect hot meal to start the day. Rumi busied herself for the next hour and a half while she waited for them to wake, movements stiff but swift despite the exhaustion weighing her body down. It was a pleasant distraction from the headache pulsing behind her eyes. 

She nicked her thumb chopping the veggies, and by the end of it every joint felt as though it were on fire, but she’d done it. She made breakfast, and it actually looked decent! 

“Morning Rumi! How did you sleeee -” Zoey grimaced when Rumi turned to face them. “Uh… sleep – did you… sleep? At all?”

Pouting, Rumi crossed her arms over her chest. “Why’d you make that face?”

“Your eyebags could carry all of Korea, dude.” Mira held up her phone, screen facing out so Rumi could see her reflection in the camera.

Sure, she looked a little rough but it wasn’t that bad. Dark circles cradled bloodshot eyes, underscored by eye bags and a complexion far more pale than it should have been. Nevermind her messy hair now half undone, or the hollows in her cheeks. 

She pushed the phone away. “Okay, I didn’t, but I’m fine! Look, I even cooked for us and didn’t burn anything this time. See?”

Rumi presented two steaming bowls to them with a proud smile, which they couldn’t help but return in kind. Still, Mira wouldn’t let the meal distract her from more pressing matters. She rounded the island to stand beside Rumi, setting a hand on the small of her back.

“That’s great, and we’re grateful to you for doing this, but we really need to talk about your sleep issues. It’s getting worse, Rumi. We need to find a doctor or… I don’t know, someone that can fix this. You need help.”

They’d discussed it before, the idea of consulting someone. A doctor – a real doctor – and not a quick-fix clinic selling “health tonics” for every condition under the sun. They’d spent two days talking in circles, planning for contingencies, figuring out how to hide Rumi’s condition from the larger public. Even Bobby had no clue what was going on, and if Rumi had it her way he’d never find out. She didn’t want to burden him with this.

Ultimately that’s all they ever did. Talk. Rumi was never ready to take any step further than simply talking it over, too afraid of something going wrong to take action. All her life Celine had only taken her to doctors she’d thoroughly vetted, studied and bribed, in order to hide the circumstances of Rumi’s birth. They simply ignored her demon physiology in favor of caring for her human side, all at Celine’s direction. Now that she’d embraced her demon blood she wasn’t sure if they were still trustworthy – if they were ever trustworthy to begin with. And she especially didn’t want to go to Celine with this new information, not after their fallout. 

There were too many uncertainties, not enough assurances. Rumi shook her head, leaning against the counter as she rubbed the soreness from her fingers. “Not yet… I need to be absolutely sure it’s the right person before I do that. It can’t just be any doctor, I can’t risk being exposed.”

“You won’t be,” Zoey reached out, fingertips barely brushing her arm. “We’ll protect you no matter what. But we can’t keep stalling, we need to talk to someone today Rumi.”

Logically, she knew they were right. The answer to being pain free again could be something so simple, so easy, and yet… Rumi feared the opposite, that there would be no solution, no medicine, no cure. She feared what the finality of her condition would do to her mind. 

“Can we just eat, please?” She whispered, voice small.

There it was again, that look. That pitying look. She could feel their eyes on her as she hung her head low, forcing herself to focus only on the meal before her. Already Rumi felt her hunger waning in the face of a mountain of dread. She didn’t bother looking up to see if Zoey and Mira were even enjoying theirs, she just wanted to be done and isolate herself for as long as she could. Everything felt so overwhelming, she just needed to get away for a moment. Just long enough to calm her racing heart.

Polishing off her bowl, she quickly cleaned the counter and set her dirty plate aside before retreating to the safety of anywhere at all. Rumi half mumbled the excuse of a shower to avoid any protest, and shut herself in her room. 

“Okay… okay. It’s fine,” she muttered, “this is fine. We can figure something out.” Rumi rifled through her dresser for fresh clothes. “Maybe if I fix it myself I can avoid a doctor altogether.” She unfolded and refolded the clothes in hand. “One good night of sleep should do it… just to prove I can handle this myself.” 

Rumi rushed into the bathroom, pausing in front of the mirror. In the privacy of this space she could look at herself, really look at herself, and see what the others were trying to show her. She was forced to look at every detail, made harsher by fluorescent lights. Her expression didn’t carry the dignity of a hunter, nor the glamour of a pop star. She looked small, and tired, and broken. She looked defeated. 

Unsightly .

She couldn’t be seen like this, haggard and disheveled as she was. The fans, the network, no one could see her in such a sorry state. Rumi had to fix this. Her friends were right; she needed help. 

She needed help today.

Chapter Text

It was night once again. There was no moon to keep her company this time, and only a handful of stars dotting the sky that she traced over and over again. Rumi lay on her side as she had for hours, having skipped dinner, eyes burning with the lack of sleep as time ticked onward. Her hips and shoulders ached worst tonight, but truthfully every part of her felt some level of discomfort. There were two little bottles of pills on her nightstand that invaded her periphery, a bright orange eyesore that only served to remind her of the awful news she’d been given.

They couldn’t identify the cause of her pain. At the end of a litany of tests, examinations and consultations spread over the course of four days, there was no answer. And with no answer, there was no solution. No cure. 

Of course there was no cure. How could there be? She was half-demon, with a body now absent of said demon, figuring out how to be human again. There’s never been another person like her in all their history, so why would any doctor in the world know how to fix whatever was wrong with her? Everything was wrong with her. You couldn’t just replace the whole person, as much as she wished she could. All the doctors could do was offer her medicine and exercises to “manage” the pain, but it would never truly leave her.

Beyond the buzzing in her head and her own aching heartbeat, Rumi heard a noise on the balcony. A sharp, hollow thunk like… 

A pot falling.

Sitting up far more quickly than she should’ve, Rumi slid into her slippers and rushed outside, stumbling as she went. Sure enough, Jinu’s tiger was around the corner playing with the pot of flowers while the magpie watched from its perch. Rumi couldn’t help but gasp in relief at the sight of them, alive and well, somehow free of the Honmoon’s grip. The tiger slowly turned its head to her, pupils blown wide and mouth stretched into a grin. Despite the flare of pain in her legs Rumi knelt to greet him with a hug that barely reached around his broad head. Nuzzling against her in turn, the tiger purred happily in her embrace. Even the magpie chirped its greeting as it descended to land on her shoulder. Three eyes studied her warily, with something akin to scrutiny when it saw the state she was in.

Rumi rolled her eyes when she caught the look. “I know, I know, I look awful. I’m having a hard time okay? Don’t judge me.”

The tiger butted its head against her chin, peering at her with curious eyes. Rumi scratched behind its ears as she sighed.

“It must have been hard for you guys too, huh? I’m… I’m so sorry, about Jinu. I wish I could have saved him, I never wanted him to sacrifice himself for me. He shouldn’t have…” Shaking her head, her hands froze in dense fur. “I couldn’t keep my promise to him.”

A heavy paw settled on her lap, drawing her attention back to vibrant sunset eyes. Despite her grief she smiled. “At least you two are still here. I’m glad the Honmoon didn’t take you away, too.”

The magpie warbled in her ear as the tiger purred in her hands, and for the moment her pain faded to background noise. The relief, however fleeting, was a godsend. 

Standing once more, Rumi looked out across the skyline. “I think I need to get out of here, just for a little bit. I’ve been cooped up in the apartment too long. Would you like to join me?”

Without hesitation the tiger bowed to her, inviting her to climb onto his back. Together the trio descended the tower to the street below. At street level Rumi slid off to walk side by side with her animal companions, finding the roads silent and empty in the dead of night. Just a short, brisk walk and she’d head home. She just needed some air. 

The further they went, the louder her fatigue shouted from different areas in her body. From the soreness in her knees to pins and needles in her feet, to the mounting pressure at the base of her spine. As nice as it was to get out for a while on her own – mostly on her own – it was becoming evident how much weaker she felt. Even with their worst injuries in the past they had no issues powering through. Now Rumi could hardly walk a block without feeling winded. Two weeks of fragmented sleep surely didn’t help with her energy, either.

A loose paper scuffed underfoot as she rounded a corner. Upon closer inspection Rumi found it was a missing person flyer, one of many that had been posted to a nearby bulletin. There were hundreds of flyers filling its surface, stacked atop one another, each face seeming to glare down at Rumi as she studied them all. Some were complete strangers. Some she recognized as fans she’d met at events, after shows, on the streets… a girl with large round glasses and dark hair stood out to her as someone unforgettable. At the joint signing with the Saja Boys that girl had openly shipped her and Jinu, donning a homemade shirt, happily giggling at the sight of their banter. 

She was gone, vanished, taken, just like so many that they’d lost to Gwi-Ma. The revelation weighed heavy on her with all her other sins. Rumi dropped to her knees, weeping in the face of her failure. So many people lost because she wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t good enough to preserve the old Honmoon. The flyer crumpled in her hands as she folded, clutching the headshot tightly to her chest. Someone she never had a chance to know or meet, someone who may have had no connection to them whatsoever, gone because she fucked up. 

Pain clawed at her heart the longer she knelt there, and absentmindedly she wondered if this was her penance. For all the people she failed to protect, all the lives she failed to save, maybe this was her punishment. She would live with this pain indefinitely. Rumi wasn’t allowed to forget. Her tears never dried, but she willed herself to look at their faces again. In the darkness their features warped, smiles turning to roars of rage, kind eyes made bitter with loathing. She whispered apologies to each and every one – to any lost souls who weren’t shown on the board – and prayed for some semblance of peace to find them in the afterlife. It was all she could do.

Eventually the tiger forced its head under her arm, staring up at her with concern. Her body shivered from the cold, and her knees throbbed from kneeling on the concrete for so long. Rumi nodded at him, draped herself over his back, and allowed him to carry her away from the street, bounding back up to the top of the tower where her bed beckoned to her in the dark. In the safety of her room her companions made themselves comfortable. The magpie settled at her headboard, a watchful guardian through the night. The tiger, with far less subtlety, curled up on Rumi’s bed.

Not having the energy to scold him, Rumi simply flopped down on her back and tried to settle in. The weight of hundreds, maybe even thousands, threatened to crush her chest. Grief burned through every inhale. That self loathing she’d tried to abandon grew with each breath like a flame caged within her ribs. Fresh tears fell in steady streams down her cheeks as she forced herself to sit with it, confront it, the way no one else could. The world didn’t know that she was responsible for so many people disappearing; no one else could hold her accountable but her.

The bed shifted. The tiger’s grinning face centered in her view, and with a single paw on her chest it plopped down to lay on her. A gentle purr kicked up as he simply stared at her with pupils wide as saucers.

“Get… off!” Rumi groaned, trying in vain to shove him. “Bad tiger! You’re not even supposed to be on the bed!”

It purred louder, eyes slowly blinking at her. The persistent ache throughout her body faded little by little. Somehow the combination of vibrating rumbles and demonic warmth forced the pain into silence, but Rumi didn’t want to be comforted. She didn’t deserve it, didn’t earn it. She pushed harder, barely moving the beast above her.

“Enough! You need to get off now, I’m serious. I don’t…”

The magpie cooed and chittered a soft, sweet sound, and the noise in her head quieted. Voices that had screamed their rage just moments ago may as well have been nonexistent. Her body once tense with anxiety now loosened, sagging deeper into the mattress with weeks of exhaustion pulling at her. Rumi draped an arm over her eyes and cried harder.

“Stop…” she muttered, hiccuping through her next words. “I don’t… deserve this… it isn’t fair.”

For the first time since this whole ordeal began, she was pain free. It was temporary, she knew, but the relief was undeniable. She felt normal again. Rumi should have been leaping with joy at that momentary peace, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t allowed to relax now of all times, having seen the consequence of her weaknesses. It wasn’t fair to the people that had died on her watch. It wasn’t fair to the thousands that were nearly devoured by Gwi-Ma because she let herself fall apart. 

But the magpie sung, the tiger encapsulated her in its rumbling warmth, and her body let her be comforted. In the dead of night Rumi finally joined the rest of the city in sleep – real sleep – without dreams or nightmares to haunt her mind. 

When the sun rose hours later, she did not rise with it. When a knock rapped on her door in the morning, she did not wake. Even far past lunch when the girls called out from the hallway, she slept through the noise.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Zoey asked, wringing her hands. 

“I don’t know.” Mira leaned against the doorframe, subtly trying to listen through the wall for any signs of trouble. “After yesterday, she’s probably not doing great.”

“That was just one doctor’s opinion, he probably just missed something! There has to be some answer for her… it can’t just be nothing.”

Scowling, Mira grasped the door handle. Normally she wouldn’t invade Rumi’s privacy like this, but today she had to make an exception. This was the first day in weeks Rumi wasn’t up first, she just needed to know that she was still there and still breathing. Cracking the door open, she quickly peeked in to see a…

Bird?

“What the fuck?” Mira muttered, waving Zoey over to look with her.

Zoey’s head tucked just under hers, spotting the magpie snoozing on the nightstand. “Is that a bird… with a tiny hat?”

“That’s… weird.”

Mira opened the door further, spotting the blue tiger next. At their synchronized gasp he turned his head to them, eyes not quite focused on either of the girls as it cocked its head. When the hunters finally noticed that Rumi was splayed out beneath it, they sprung into action.

“GET AWAY FROM HER,” Zoey shouted, throwing two knives just above its head. She wanted to scare it off without hurting Rumi, but it remained unfazed on its perch. The magpie, however, screeched in alarm.

Rumi jolted awake at the sound, hand immediately coming to rest on the tiger’s massive head as she surveyed the room. At the sight of Mira and Zoey in their pj’s, weapons in hand, she lurched. 

“Wait! Wait wait, it’s okay, really! They’re not dangerous!” Rumi nudged the tiger, who begrudgingly let her sit up. “They’re friendly, I promise.”

Mira’s grip on her gokdo slackened, but she didn’t send the weapon away just yet. “How do you know?”

With a wince, Rumi slung an arm around the tiger, eyes falling to the floor. “They were Jinu’s…”

At that admission the girls finally dropped their weapons. Rumi pulled the tiger aside to make room on the bed and invited them to sit, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as her friends sat across from her. The beast nestled its head comfortably in her lap, purring as she scratched behind its ears.

“I thought they were sealed away by the Honmoon,” Rumi continued, “but I guess they managed to stay on this side. Last night was the first time I’ve seen them since the Idol Awards.”

Zoey hesitantly reached out, letting the tiger sniff her hand before it shoved its face closer to invite her to pet it. She couldn’t help but coo as its tongue flopped out of its mouth.

“Awww, it’s actually kinda cute!”

The magpie hopped onto the bed, and further until it was at the center of the circle. Three eyes stared up at Mira expectantly, and as she reached out it tucked its chin against her finger. The magpie settled into its spot as she gave it the scratches it desired.

Brows raised, Mira watched the strange little demon with fascination. “Sick… so they’re actually chill? They don’t do anything?”

Rumi’s eyes angled upwards in thought, then she shrugged. “The tiger would bring me messages sometimes, but now… I think they’re just wandering.”

The girls studied her face, her eyes, her body – she didn’t look so stiff and drained. Her skin had regained some color, even in the patterns that framed her face. She actually looked rested for once. Mira glanced back at the two animals, then back up at Rumi.

“How’d you sleep?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

A flash of guilt crossed her face, but she smiled nonetheless. “I slept great, actually. I’m not sure what they did, but whatever it was it calmed me down enough to rest for once. My body hasn’t hurt all morning.”

“That’s great, Rumi!” Zoey sprung forward to wrap her in a hug. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Do you think you’re healed, now?”

She shook her head. “I wish I was, but I can already feel it building again. It’s not too bad right now, but I have a feeling it’s going to come back later. I… still have to live with it.”

Eyes haunted, Rumi busied herself with running her nails through the tiger’s fur, tracing the stripes, ignoring the burning stare she felt from Mira.

Leaning forward, Mira placed a hand on her knee. “Something else happened last night. What’s wrong, Rumi?”

The question hung between them on a tense line that threatened to snap if they weren’t careful. Rumi promised she wouldn’t hide things anymore, and in turn her friends promised they would be open with her with everything they faced in the future. But the grief was still raw in her chest, and she didn’t know how to confront that again without breaking down.

Rumi shifted to take Mira’s hand in her own, then reached out for Zoey’s too. She couldn’t bring herself to meet their gazes, but maybe she didn’t need to. They would understand, she had to believe that.

“I had to get away, just for a little bit. My room was getting so… so stuffy. I couldn’t sleep, and it was getting too frustrating to try. I went for a walk with these two to clear my head but…” Rumi held onto them tighter, tears already gathering in her eyes. “I didn’t realize how many we lost. All the missing persons, so many flyers up all over the city… I failed them, all of them. I screwed up back on the train, I screwed up at the Idol Awards – so many people died because I wasn’t strong enough!” 

“Celine was right,” Rumi whimpered, “my faults and fears… I let them take over, I let them win, and our fans suffered for my weakness. I don’t deserve –”

I don’t deserve to live.

She clamped down on the thought before it could leave her mouth. It was too overwhelming to admit that to them. No matter how much she trusted them to support her through the darkest aspects of herself, she didn’t trust herself to keep what was left of her sanity. Admitting it aloud would give it finality. Speaking the words would give them power over her. Rumi couldn’t give in, no matter how much she wanted to. 

“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” she finished, meeting the thought halfway. “I deserve this pain… after all my lies and failures, I earned this.”

All three were wrapped in uneasy silence. Tears streamed down Rumi’s cheeks as she waited for the other shoe to drop. Maybe they would decide she was too much to bear. Maybe they would agree that she was to blame, and realize that she wasn’t worth helping. Maybe they would give voice to the one thing she didn’t want to say.

Maybe her anxiety was just especially aggressive today.

“This isn’t all on you Rumi.”

Glancing to her right, she felt Zoey squeeze her hand as she continued. “I’ve seen them too… all the missing person reports. It’s awful, but it’s not your fault. You don’t have to take all the blame. We’re a team, we fight as one, we sing as one. If you have to shoulder any blame for what happened, we all have to carry it, together. Mira and I are just as responsible as you are.”

“If anyone is to blame here it’s Gwi-Ma and his demons,” Mira spat. “You didn’t invite them to come steal people’s souls, you don’t deserve to feel guilty for their actions, and you definitely don't deserve the pain you're feeling now.”

Shaking her head, Rumi muttered. “I’m the leader, I have to take responsibility.”

“And we’re your teammates. We’re family! Somewhere along the line, we made you feel like you had to deal with all of this alone.” Mira traced the patterns along Rumi’s forearm with her free hand. Her eyes were glossy with tears as she studied them. “We were taught all our lives to hate demons… and when I saw these, I let those stupid teachings blind me. You were never supposed to be the target of that hate. You never should have feared that we would love you any less for being part demon.”

Zoey gripped her hand tighter, holding it close to her heart. “We love you, Rumi. All of you. I’m so sorry we made you doubt that.”

She was raised to be ashamed of her demon heritage, her patterns, everything that set her apart from the people around her. For years Rumi isolated herself out of necessity, to protect herself and the rest of the world from what she really was. She spent her youth lonely in the company of people who tried so hard to love her, but weren’t allowed to love her fully. She spent years shutting people out, keeping her friends at arms length so they’d never have a chance to detest her as much as she did herself. All at once a new sort of grief took over, one that mourned a childhood she never got to have. 

Chuffing to itself, the tiger left Rumi’s lap and settled behind her, pushing his whole weight into her to force her closer to her friends. His weight lightened but never left her as she reached to hug them, two pairs of arms wrapping around her as she crumbled. It was raw and painful to face, but letting her walls down felt relieving all the same. At least this time she knew the arms around her were only there to comfort and heal, not to break her down. She could cry as openly as she wanted, knowing she wouldn’t be the only one.

Together, the three allowed themselves to let go, if only for the day.

Chapter Text

The nights had, thankfully, gotten easier. With Derpy (lovingly named by Zoey) and Sussie (jokingly named by Mira) aiding her through the nights. Daytime was a different story, however. Despite being on hiatus, the girls still had to maintain their physiques and routines to prepare for their eventual comeback. The world may have been at peace, but that didn’t mean they could slack on their duties. Derpy and Sussie’s presence in their apartment alerted them to the possibility that other demons may have clung to this side of the veil, demons that were far more violent than their beloved companions. They had to remain vigilant, for the sake of their fans and for the sake of the Honmoon. If they spent too much time away from the public eye, the connection between fans and hunters would whither. The joy they shared would fade, the barrier would weaken, and the demon realm would spill through once more. 

Rumi couldn’t stand the thought of losing anyone else; she had to be ready for the next threat. That meant getting off her ass to train – both in combat and dance – no matter how much it hurt. The trio spent their first two hours going through old dance routines while Mira devised new moves for their comeback tour. Every so often Zoey would step away to frantically scribble in her notebook, having thought of a new lyric to riff off of during their next recording session. Rumi was content to let them take the lead in both respects, having little energy to spare for any input or critique.

Their third hour consisted of light sparring and strength exercises prescribed by Rumi’s doctor. Her muscles burned through every motion, but at least she chose this ache. She could connect it to her growth and dedication rather than some untraceable mystery. This was progress, she told herself. The sweat dripping off her chin was proof that she was still trying; the trembling of her legs was her sign that she wasn’t useless yet. She was still standing. She could still fight. She was still –

Falling. Dizziness rattled her brain. The room flipped on its head and Mira’s practice staff swept her off her feet before she could understand what was happening. The ceiling swirled in her vision as her friends knelt on either side of her. Distantly, she heard their voices. The words made no sense, but she heard them. She tried to speak but no words left her lips, only a quiet wheeze. 

Right. Breathing. She was supposed to breathe . 

Rumi drew in shallow breaths, nausea building as the world continued to spin. 

“Fuck, what did I do –”

“It was an accident Mir –”

“I could have broken her leg!”

“You held back! Sh-she’ll be okay right?”

A pair of hands cupped clammy cheeks. Rumi tried to focus on the softness of them but couldn’t get past the pounding in her skull.

“Rumi talk to me please, can you hear me?” 

Mira’s pink hair became ribbons twirling in the air before her. It might have been pretty if her face wasn’t so horribly distorted. 

Heaving from her spot on the floor, Rumi clasped a hand over her mouth as she tried to fight the inevitable. Zoey scrambled to grab the nearest trashcan and placed it beneath her before she lost the battle with herself; Rumi threw up, and kept throwing up for a minute in between gasps for breath. Mira kept her hair pinned back while Zoey tried to rub soothing circles against her back. By the end of the spell Rumi had never felt so drained. Tremors wracked her body, and the world still spun in an unforgiving dance around her.

“I-I don’t kn-know what happened,” she stammered, trying not to vomit again. “I – my eyes are – I can’t focus I can’t –”

Mira shushed her, sweeping loose strands of hair away from Rumi’s forehead. “Easy, just breathe. We can figure it out later okay? Just keep breathing through it.”

She shut her eyes tight against another wave. Without the visual of blurring colors and swaying floors, Rumi could almost center herself once more. It still felt like the studio was spinning around her, but it wasn’t so overwhelming as it was seconds before. She spat out a mouthful of saliva and hissed, feeling a shudder from the soles of her feet up through her spine. In the back of her mind a tingling sensation crept across her skin in intentional lines, following the path of her patterns. She couldn’t even begin to wonder what the hell that meant.

“I… think I’m done,” she mumbled. “I’m done for the day.”

Zoey’s hand wrapped around her waist, voice soft in her ear. “That’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself. We’ve got you.”

She huffed in annoyance at her own weakness, but nodded nonetheless. Mira’s hand shifted from her hair to her cheek, the backs of her knuckles pressing gently against her skin. 

“Your face is hot. Were you feeling sick before this?”

Rumi almost shook her head, but the slightest movement made the spinning worse. Squeezing her eyes tighter, she could only utter a quiet “no.” Zoey and Mira exchanged worried glances over her head, and the latter of the two took it upon herself to sling one of Rumi’s arms over her shoulder.

“Can you stand up?”

Rather than respond, Rumi tried to get her feet beneath her with Mira’s support, only to sink back down on her knees as the floor swayed. Her head was pounding, spinning endlessly in perpetuity. She could hardly think past the overwhelming whirlwind centered on her brain. 

“Is it your leg?” Zoey asked, tucking beneath her other arm.

“No my – my head. I can’t – everything keeps moving , I can’t keep my balance.”

“Oh, geez, okay… just tell us what you need, we’ll help you walk.”

What she needed was for everything to stop spinning. She needed the world, her head, whatever this was to give her peace so she wouldn’t burden her friends anymore. Rumi didn’t know what would help, if anything even could. So she simply choked out the first word she could think of that might offer some comfort.

“Couch?”

Her girls smiled softly, though she wouldn’t see it, and parroted in unison, “Couch.”

With careful steps they led her from their private studio in the apartment, down the hall and into the livingroom, pausing often to let Rumi reorient herself. Zoey kept a constant stream of assurances flowing, letting her know where they were each step of the way, warning her of any turns or oncoming rugs that might trip her while she kept her eyes shut. More than anything Rumi was just grateful for her voice to focus on to keep her grounded when all her body wanted to do was float away.

Her foot knocked into something soft as they all came to a stop.

“We’re in front of the couch,” Zoey told her, “do you need help sitting down?”

She didn’t have an answer. Cracking one eye open, the world blurred in her vision once more. Rumi could hardly tell what was up and what was down, let alone how far she actually was from the cushions. 

“I… need help,” Rumi whispered, shutting her eye again.

Careful hands guided her down until she was seated. Rumi let her head tilt back, testing her vision again against the ceiling. The ceiling was broad and empty enough that it didn’t spin so harshly, but the lights burned swirling lines across her vision. The couch sagged and shifted beneath her as the others sat on either side of her, and she could feel their worrying stares on her face.

Taking a few steadying breaths, she addressed them. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I lost my balance and then everything just flipped… something about the way I fell messed with my head, I don’t know how else to explain it. It made me so dizzy.”

Nodding along, Zoey chimed in. “I think I get it. It happened to me once when I was first learning to skate. Vertaaah… vertee… something. My head was spinning for hours after that, it was awful. It went away though! I just, y’know, couldn’t do anything about it… sorry, Rumi.”

“That’s… reassuring,” she sighed. “At least I know it’s temporary.”

Mira draped an arm over the back of the couch, turning to face them fully. “But how does the rest of you feel? Good? Bad?”

“Bad.” Shoulders sagging, Rumi braved a look at her from the corner of her eye. “Hurts. My whole body is burning”

“Do you need your meds?”

She’d taken some before breakfast, long before they began training for the day. It dulled the ache, but never quite erased it. Rumi hoped they’d ease some of her discomfort, and calm her mind down enough to focus again. She gave a curt nod, and felt the cushions shift as Mira stood. Footsteps grew quieter in the distance; a hand wrapped over Rumi’s fist, clenched tightly in the fabric of her sweatpants.

Zoey got her to loosen her fingers as she spoke. “You can lay down if you need to. It helped me back when I went through this. I think it made it easier for my head to, like, rebalance, if that makes sense.”

Rumi squinted at her, focused solely on the flash of teeth from a caring smile. She didn’t trust her head or the rest of her body to cooperate, but she trusted Zoey to help her through the worst of it. The mere thought of tilting to lay down made her feel as though she would spiral out of control, but at least her body would be resting then. When Zoey patted her lap in invitation, that was the final push she needed to lean over. Rumi settled onto her elbow, then shoulder, then her friend’s lap, keeping her neck stiff for the whole descent. 

Her head was throbbing, but comfy. With a quiet sigh she let go of all her tension, pressing her cheek into Zoey’s thigh. Mumbling a barely audible “thanks”, Rumi settled in for what looked to be a long, inconvenient evening.

Mira returned shortly after, bottle in hand, skimming through the guide given about how and when to take them and what side effects to look for. Already she bore a deep scowl as she flipped through the long list of warnings, anger bubbling over as she sat on the edge of the coffee table. 

“Zo, what was that thing you mentioned earlier?” She asked, eyes never leaving the page.

“It was uuuuuh…” Zoey angled her eyes upward, tapping a finger to her chin. “Something with a V? I can’t remember the name, sorry, but it sucked .”

Mira huffed, slapping the papers down beside her. “Vertigo. It’s fucking vertigo.”

“Oh my god yes, it’s awful! How’d you know?”

“It’s one of the side effects apparently,” Mira growled under her breath. “Would’ve been nice if he’d actually warned us before Rumi took any.”

A beat of silence passed before Rumi spoke up in a hushed voice. “So… what, I either stay dizzy the rest of my life or deal with the pain?” She chuckled bitterly to herself. “I actually can’t decide what’s worse.”

Mira slid off the table onto her knees, sitting eye to eye with Rumi so she wouldn’t have to turn her head. “We’ll find something else that works. It won’t be like this forever.”

Rumi wanted to believe it, but with each day that passed it was getting harder to envision that pain-free life she wanted. Every time she thought things were improving a new problem sprung up. She was getting tired of hoping. 

“I don’t want them,” she muttered, turning to her other side. Burying her face in Zoey’s stomach was the closest she could get to some semblance of stability. A new wave of nausea kicked up with the motion, but she choked back every urge to vomit again. She just wanted to weather through it without any other surprises.

Surprises like their manager, calling for what was apparently the third time that day. Mira yanked her phone out of her pocket as it chimed and cursed at the name on her screen. 

“It’s Bobby,” she announced, thumb hovering over the buttons. “Should I…?”

Zoey peered down at Rumi and frowned. Locking eyes with Mira, she slowly shook her head with a haunted expression. Her loose tanktop was already damp with tears as Rumi buried her face deeper.

Despite her best efforts, Rumi couldn’t fight the pulse of anxiety surging through her. She’d curled up into a ball and held her trembling form, knuckles white with her bruising grip. Bobby wasn’t yet aware of the persistent aches she’d felt the past few weeks, and though she knew he’d be unabashedly supportive through this she also worried about how he might berate himself for pushing them forward through event after event. He always left the options open, allowing them space to breathe when needed. As their manager, though, he also didn’t discourage their drive to maintain their public presence. Rumi didn’t want him to think that he somehow caused this decline in her health.

The call went to voicemail, with a new ringtone immediately after. Now it was a facetime request, which they’d normally respond to with enthusiasm. Now Mira could hardly fake her smile and tone as she answered solo with their signature greeting.

“Hi Bobby…”

She could feel the excitement radiating off him as he responded. “Oh Mira, perfect! I’ve been trying to reach you girls for hours! Are the others there? I have big news!”

“They’re, uhh,” Mira eyed her girls warily, then stood to move the conversation elsewhere. “Busy, sorry. What’s up?”

“You won’t believe who I met at the airport today!” 

Bobby had taken a well deserved break, spending a large chunk of his own vacation on a solo trip through Europe. The girls insisted that he take some time for himself after his stellar work handling the chaos that was their lives as of late. He certainly came back invigorated, though in the moment they all wished he would have stayed in vacation mode a little longer.

Bouncing on his toes, he continued with a grin from ear to ear. “I met Lie Sangbong, in the flesh! We got to talking about work and pop culture and when I pitched the idea for a collaboration with HUNTR/X, he jumped on it! He wants to meet tonight over dinner to see you three and discuss it further, so grab the girls and start getting ready. This is going to be huge Mira, HUGE!”

Her expression betrayed her. As happy as she wanted to be with the prospect of such a project, she couldn’t look past the elephant in the room. Rumi wasn’t okay. She wasn’t even close to okay. No matter how much they actually loved his work, or how exciting a collaboration would be, it simply wasn’t the right time for any of them, least of all Rumi.

Her well being had to come first.

“Bobby… I’m sorry but no, we’re not doing it,” Mira said, trying to soothe the bite from her tone. “Ru — we need more time to rest. This isn’t a good day for it.”

His face fell, but he quickly regrouped and tried again. “I know, I know it’s short notice, and you’re still on hiatus, but just think about when you three come back. A new single, and a collab with one of Korea’s hottest designers? The fans will eat it up!”

Zoey’s voice came out in a harsh whisper, calling Mira’s attention back to them from across the room. In a panic the dark haired girl pointed to another trashcan close to Mira’s feet. Arms flailing, she motioned back and forth between Rumi and the trashcan, then mimed a gagging face.

Whatever else Bobby said to try to convince her was lost as she grabbed the can, bringing it over just in time for Rumi to turn over and hurl. With the little she had for breakfast and the contents she’d lost already, all that came up was bile. It burned in her throat, leaving her sputtering with rasping coughs that only irritated it more.

“Mira? Mira what’s going on? Was that Rumi? Is she okay?!”

She remembered with some frustration that he was still on the phone with her. She loved Bobby to death — they all did! But right now she was on a razor’s edge and Mira needed him to hang up or she’d explode.

Raising her phone, she glared at the camera to avoid seeing his eyes directly as she seethed through gritted teeth. “We’re not meeting anyone right now, period. I don’t care what anyone thinks. It’s not. A good. Time . We need to be left alone for a while, alright?”

Before he could respond she ended the call, silencing her phone and sliding it to the furthest corner of the table to be ignored for the rest of the night. She only took a second to compose herself before her gentler nature shone through once more. Down on one knee, Mira cradled Rumi’s cheek with one hand while the other pressed against her forehead. She felt hot , hotter than before, and it worried her that their leader wasn’t recovering. 

Zoey was having a similar conflict as she rubbed Rumi’s back, the small act serving to soothe herself as much as her friend. The girl was a live wire forced to be still as a statue, else the smallest motion may send Rumi into a fresh spiral.

In the looming quiet a string of jumbled words spilled from Rumi’s lips. Most of it was too slurred or soft to make out, but they heard a long string of apologies mixed in. 

Leaning closer, Zoey murmured in her ear, “Sweetie listen to me, focus on my voice. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? You’re sick. You put so much effort into training today and I’m so proud of you for trying so hard, but you need rest. You’re allowed to take it easy now. Let us take care of you.”

Words slurred, she responded, “He was so excited though, I feel like I’m letting everyone down –”

“You’re not.” Mira’s thumb swept across her cheekbone. “I promise, you’re not. Don’t worry about Bobby, he’ll work his magic and reschedule, or score another deal for us later. Whatever happens, we’ll be fine.”

Little by little, Zoey undid Rumi’s braid to let her hair fall loosely on her lap. Nails carefully glided across her scalp, giving Rumi another point to focus on besides the constant spinning of the room. “You’ve been our rock for so long, let us be yours now. We’re here to support you.”

“For however long you need it.”

As much as she wanted to protest, Rumi knew there was no dissuading them. How could she deny her girls when they were being so tender with her, when Mira’s cool hands soothed her burning skin, and Zoey’s nails felt like heaven gracing her head? She spent the majority of her life being touch starved. Now that there was an endless font of attention being poured over her, how could she ever say no?

Then the hands on her face left her and all she could do was whine. Mira chuckled low in her throat in response. Something about the sound twisted Rumi’s insides; she blamed it on the nausea and chose not to dwell on her desire to hear it again. 

“Ssh, just gonna make you some tea, ok? I’ll be back.” 

In the interim Rumi reclaimed her previous spot on Zoey’s lap, the only difference being her facing outward to greet Mira whenever she returned. A contented hum echoed through her as nails skimmed lower, scratching steady lines along the back of her neck where her hairline ended. It sent goosebumps down her arms. 

Minutes later Mira returned with three cups of tea; black for herself, green for Zoey, and a mix of green and ginger for Rumi. They helped the latter sit up slowly so she could drink. The worst of her vertigo had passed, so she could actually stomach the fluids she so desperately needed. The cramping in her abdomen settled, the nausea waned, and she finally felt some semblance of control. If she moved too fast the dizziness would rebound, but it was getting easier to manage as time passed.

Her eyes slowly drifted open to look at the pill bottle, and the pamphlet splayed out beside it. “I don’t think I can take those anymore… throwing up on stage really isn’t a good look.”

“No kidding.” Mira flicked the bottle spitefully, watching it tumble off the table. “Fuck it, we’ll find something better. We still have a whole list of other doctors to try, right?”

“Twenty three to be exact,” Zoey chimed, producing a notebook seemingly out of thin air labeled ‘Helping Rumi’. 

It put a smile on her face, seeing how hard they were trying for her sake. She’s caught them poring over the contents of that notebook numerous times in hopes for a solution to jump off its pages. They always discussed it away from her, maybe out of a desire to protect her from false hope, or to protect themselves from admitting how lost they truly were when it came to handling this. Rumi could see it sometimes in the way their faces pinched, in the shadows over their eyes. They felt discouraged, too, at the way this was progressing. How could they not? They carried Rumi through her worst days and worse ones still; the good days were few and far between. For all the care they gave her, she couldn’t even return the favor.

Rumi was a burden to them. They would never say such, but they didn’t need to. It was the truth, plain and simple.

“Good. One of them has to have an answer for this,” Mira muttered, eyes still fixated on the bottle. If looks could kill, Rumi imagined that doctor would drop into hell if Mira so much as looked at him again.

Her friends began rifling through Zoey’s notes once again, putting stars and question marks by names of physicians that stood out, aggressively scratching out the details of the one they’d never revisit. In the time it took for them to narrow down their options day turned to night. 

Rumi couldn’t help but wonder how lovely the day might have been if not for her. Training would have concluded without any drama. Maybe they could have taken a trip to the bathhouse, or treated themselves to barbeque, or done anything other than deal with the parasite that was her body as of late. Their break was dwindling away, wasted on trying to make her well again. She didn’t feel worth the effort.

She could almost hear Gwi-Ma in her ear the way Jinu described, chittering away, taunting her with the words she’d already repeated to herself all her life:

You’re a mistake.

You aren’t supposed to be here.

You don’t deserve them.

You don’t deserve to li —

The elevator dinged. Three sets of eyes bearing different levels of exhaustion settled on Bobby as he stepped into the living room, cradling a bag to his chest. 

“Uhh… hi girls.”

Chapter Text

Part of her wished it was Celine entering the apartment. She could handle Celine. 

Celine already knew all her darkest secrets, more so than Mira and Zoey, who still didn’t understand the depths of Rumi’s self-loathing. They still didn’t know the desperate plea she made to their mentor before their final battle at Namsan Tower. The request – the implications of it – still squirmed in her chest uncomfortably, too raw to truly face again. But she could feel the tendrils of shame creeping up her throat any time she thought about it. 

She could handle Celine because there were no other ways to disappoint her, because she’d already seen Rumi at her lowest.

But Bobby?

She couldn’t handle Bobby, not when she was too much of a mess to don the mask she always wore with him. Not when she was too exhausted to hide every imperfection that screamed for attention across her body. She could feel his eyes on her, on the patterns that looked so dull against sickly pale skin, on the small scars that littered her arms and back from countless battles over the years. Rumi was mortified. She couldn’t remember the last time she looked so unkempt in front of him — hell, she couldn’t remember ever being less than put together around him. 

Mira could feel the swell of panic from her and stepped between them, fully blocking Rumi with her body. “Bobby, I already told you –”

“I’m not here about the collab.” He looked devastated at her anger towards him, but stepped forward nonetheless. “This isn’t about work, this isn’t your manager talking it’s… it’s just me, just Bobby, checking on you girls because I’m worried! Things have been really stressful the past few months, you three have been distant lately and I need to know that you’re okay.”

Mira exchanged a look with Zoey over her shoulder. Her eyes were red rimmed and glossy as she fought back tears, desperately trying not to lose the little composure she had. Rumi had gone eerily still in her lap, but Mira could see the tension laced throughout her body. One wrong word, one misstep and she’d break.

Solemnly, Mira moved to meet Bobby where he stood. He shrunk under her stony gaze and held out the bag with a sheepish smile.

“I brought dakjuk! Rumi sounded sick on the phone so I thought… I don’t know, maybe this would help. Anything for my girls, right?” He chuckled. 

Her eyes softened at the gesture. She took the bag with a nod, silence hanging in the air between them as she battled with herself over how to handle the situation. Why was this so hard? This wasn’t the same as arguing with her parents, or placating their mentor. This was Bobby. He didn’t have an agenda, he had no ulterior motives. He was always supportive, even with their craziest ideas.

Why was trusting him with this so difficult?

Shoulders drooping, Bobby was the first to relent. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here. You wanted space and I didn’t respect that. I’ll go –”

“We’re not.” 

The words left her before she could even process them. She wasn’t used to trusting anyone outside of her friends with that kind of transparency. When she met his eyes, however, there was no judgement there. There was no disappointment or pity. Bobby looked genuinely hurt, not because he was shut out but because he didn’t catch on sooner. He was hurt for them, not by them. That distinction was enough for Mira to let her own walls down for once. 

Mira hugged the bag closer to herself, letting its warmth soak into her. Voice clipped and shaky, she repeated, “We’re not okay…”

Before he could utter a single word, Mira ushered him to the couch to join them. He took Mira’s seat at the table’s edge while she sank to the floor, easily within Rumi’s reach if she needed her.

“Hey tiger,” Mira placed a hand on her hip, “I know it’s been a long day but… it’s time. Bobby needs to know.” 

It took some effort, but Rumi unfurled herself and turned over to face him, not bothering to sit up amidst the ache and dizziness that reared its head once more. Her throat clamped shut at how crestfallen he looked, how lost he seemed having been kept in the dark for so long. She was tired of hiding. If he was going to know about her pain, she wanted him to know everything tied to it.

So with a deep, shuddering breath, she started from the beginning. 

– –

The moon was high above their heads when their story concluded.

When she’d made it clear that she wanted Bobby to know everything , Zoey and Mira hesitated. Their whole purpose was to protect people from the reality that crept beneath their feet, the truth that hell waited just a hair’s breadth away. Once Bobby knew, there was no going back.

He assured them he could handle it, however awful or farfetched it might have seemed.

So with some uncertainty, they trusted him. Where Rumi faltered, the others tapped in to continue on her behalf. They could see the shifting emotions in his eyes as their words flowed together. There was confusion at first, hearing talk of magic and demons and barriers woven through song; realization, as one by one he connected the dots between strange occurrences throughout their rise to fame; anger, as he understood why Rumi was forced to hide for so long; sorrow, knowing how long Rumi had been in pain without him knowing.

The girls weren’t even sure if he’d believe them. Who would? It was clear after the events of the Idol Awards that the greater public didn’t remember how close they were to oblivion. As far as they knew it was just an over the top performance, an encore of sorts to truly cap off the HUNTR/X world tour and the ‘Golden’ release, one last big show to build hype around another new single that had yet to be named. Ignorance was bliss, and the public would indulge in it for as long as the hunters lived and breathed. People didn’t want to believe in demons. They didn’t want to see the supernatural. So they didn’t. 

But Bobby did. Now that he knew he couldn’t unsee it, because as much as Bobby was skeptical of all things mythical, he could never doubt his girls. 

Never again.

“So the private jet being wrecked –”

“Demons.” Mira confirmed.

“And the guys in the demon suits?”

“Actual demons,” Zoey nodded.

“The crazy wall of flames?”

“The king of demons,” Rumi sighed.

Mouth agape, Bobby’s eyes flickered back and forth between the three of them. He wondered for a moment how often they must have covered up wounds or worked through injuries in order to hide this secret. The thought of any of them suffering in silence threatened to bring the man to tears.

“I know this is a lot,” Rumi said, finally sitting up to meet him eye-level. “I understand if you don’t want anything to do with us after this…”

Holding a hand up, Bobby took a moment to gather his thoughts before responding. “It is a lot. Frankly, it’s terrifying to know that this has all been going on behind the scenes. But I would rather face down giant flame demons or water monsters or whatever else is out there than abandon you three! I’m committed to this team. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

Motioning to Zoey, he held a hand out to her as he continued. “You said you were looking into some doctors?”

Misty eyed, she nodded, and handed him the notebook. Zoey sniffled as he scanned through it with laser focus, hmming and mumbling to himself at the list she’d made.

“Can I take a picture of this?” He asked.

When she answered in the affirmative he did, and stood swiftly as he typed something out rapid-fire on his phone. “I don’t want you girls to worry about a thing. I’ll take care of vetting these doctors and get your approval on someone tomorrow. For now just try to relax, get some rest if you can, and let me take care of the busywork.”

“You don’t have to trouble yourself –” Rumi began, but he wasn’t having it.

“Making sure you three are taken care of is never trouble,” Bobby chided, tucking his phone away with a curt nod. “This is what I’m here for. My job is to make sure things go smoothly, and now more than ever you need smooth sailing and low stress. I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

Zoey sniffled louder, on the brink of tears at his unabashed kindness. She shot up to hug him, letting a few half-laugh half-sobs escape as she thanked him for being so understanding. 

“Yeah, thanks for being so cool about this, Bobby,” Mira drawled, fist-bumping his shoulder. “Sorry for being a bitch earlier.”

Chuckling, he patted Zoey’s back as he shook his head at Mira. “Don’t be. You’ve been dealing with a lot, literal end of the world stuff. I can’t be mad at you for being a little snippy.”

With a grunt Rumi forced herself off the couch, shambling forward to give him a hug of her own. She held him a little longer than normal, and secretly relished the gentleness with which he hugged her in return. Even Celine wouldn’t hold her like this.

“Thank you,” she whispered, wishing those two simple words would transmit all the gratitude she had for him.

Bobby gave her one last squeeze before backing away with the softest smile he could muster. “Anything for my girls.” Clapping his hands together, he exclaimed, “Alright! I’m gonna get to work on this. Enjoy the porridge, get some sleep, I’ll be back around 2 –”

Zoey and Mira frantically shook their heads.

“3 o’clock! We’re gonna figure this out Rumi, no sweat!”

“We’ll walk you out,” Mira offered, flashing a pointed look at Zoey. “You get comfy Rumi, we’ll be right back.”

They walked him to the elevator, and in the moments it took for the doors to open Bobby turned to look them over. Quietly, he asked, “How are you two doing? Honestly?”

The doors slid open with a ding, but he wouldn’t leave, not until he had an answer.

“We’re… I don’t know.” Zoey held herself, glancing off to the side. “We’re trying to stay hopeful for her but it’s getting harder to stay optimistic. She just keeps getting worse, nothing we do really makes it better. It’s just…”

Leaning into her, Mira added on, “It’s hard to imagine a happy ending here… I mean worst case, Rumi might have to stop performing. Otherwise she’ll just keep pushing herself past her limits, hurting herself… I don’t know if she – if any of us can handle that.”

“Then we’ll do everything we can to make sure that never happens.” Hand over his heart, Bobby met their uncertainty with his own determination. “I’ll move mountains if that’s what it takes. I’m here for you – all of you! Whatever you need just call me and I’m there. If we have to extend the break then so be it, I’ll handle everything. Just make sure you take care of yourselves too, okay? Your health is just as important here.”

Teary eyed, the girls nodded their agreement, giving him one last hug before he left. With him, some of the weight on their shoulders lightened. All three found the atmosphere lighter for the remainder of the night, and were able to enjoy the light dinner he brought them with renewed vigor. When they each fell asleep in their own time it was peaceful. Zoey and Mira woke the following morning somewhat refreshed.

Rumi, unfortunately, felt the lingering effects of the previous day's struggles as soon as she woke up. She couldn’t rely on either of her medications. The full rebound of full body pain as well as the pounding headache was nearly crippling when the knocks came around noon. Groaning to herself, her hand nudged against Derpy’s chest to wake him.

“Can you go get them?” She asked, motioning to the door.

He licked her hand with a chirp, hopping off the bed to slope into a quick stretch before padding over to the door. Instead of opening it like Rumi hoped he would he stuck his head straight through, sending rippling blue waves across the wood. The yelp and scream that followed made her laugh harder than her body could handle at that moment, but it was worth dealing with the stabbing in her sides.

“Glad you thought that was so hilarious!” Mira shouted, cracking the door open. “Can we come in or what?”

She tamped down the last of her giggles. “Yes yes, come in!”

Derpy scrambled back to the bed as Mira flung the door open, stomping inside with an angry pout. She took her spot near Rumi’s head with her arms crossed over her chest, scowling at the wall. Zoey followed soon after in a different state of bewilderment, hand clutching her heart as she sat on the edge of the bed. 

“I keep forgetting he can just do that,” Zoey reached to rub his forehead, more to comfort herself than anything. “Like phase through walls and stuff. Does he ever scare you with that?”

“Not anymore. The first time we met he really got me, but after that I was never really scared of him.”

“A little warning would’ve been nice,” Mira muttered. 

Rumi sat up with a hiss, shuffling over to wrap an arm around Mira’s waist. Cheek pressed to her shoulder, she flashed her best puppy dog eyes up at her. “Sorry Mir, I really didn’t think he’d spook you like that. I just wanted him to open the door for you.”

Mira was never good at staying annoyed at them. Only a few seconds passed before she snickered, dropping the angry facade. “You wanted the tiger to open the door for us?”

“... ok, point taken.”

The pink haired woman took the chance to study Rumi closely. Her skin was clammy, but when Mira pressed the back of her hand to Rumi’s forehead she wasn’t overheated. Small tremors echoed through both of them as their leader tried – but failed – to mask the pain she was in. Still, she kept a brave face through the onslaught of stimuli. Mira easily saw through the guise, however.

“I’m guessing it’s gonna be a rough one today,” Mira surmised. Without another word she adjusted their positions, propping herself and Rumi against the headboard so she wouldn’t have to hold herself up. Rumi nodded in confirmation to her statement before sagging against her once more.

Zoey, in turn, slid over to sit directly in front of them so their knees were nearly touching. “Buuuut Bobby is coming by later! Hopefully he found something that’ll help.”

On Rumi’s other side, Derpy rumbled curiously. “Sorry buddy, I don’t think he’s ready to meet you yet.”

“Oh nooo. No definitely not. Let’s not scare Bobby today.”

“Definitely not,” Mira repeated.

The rest of the afternoon passed with the girls getting ready for his arrival. Showered, dressed, and comfortably glammed up for the day, they settled in a triangle at the kitchen counter to share lunch – courtesy of Zoey – while they waited for their manager to arrive. Mira helped Rumi braid her hair; Zoey tested a new hairstyle on Mira; both humored Zoey as she cycled through a dozen different hats to find the best match for her outfit.

Bobby arrived with four coffees and a grin, eyes concealed behind shades, opening with his signature greeting that they returned readily.

“Good news!” He began, passing each cup out. “I got you girls a new jet!”

They exchanged a confused look between them. 

“Not what I was expecting, but sick.” Mira shrugged, taking a sip.

“Here, let me explain.” Rifling through his coat, Bobby produced a folder with several loose pages nearly spilling out of the side. “I was looking through doctors here in the city, but then I thought, why limit ourselves here when we can extend our range?”

He splayed the papers out across the counter, the largest of which was a map of the greater region. “Part of your struggle before was finding a doctor that could help you avoid being exposed to the public. Part of why that’s so difficult is because here in the city, everyone knows you're famous! It’s impossible to get anywhere around here privately when the world knows this is where you come home to. Sooo, I started looking outside of the city.”

Bobby gathered up a stack of notes, handing them to Zoey. “I still vetted the doctors you suggested, but I think our best shot at anonymity is to go somewhere more… suburban. An area where people don’t expect to see international celebrities walking around. There’s a small city down south” he tapped two fingers against a red circle drawn over the map, “that should be a good place to start. Nice and quiet. A few homey inns if you’d like to keep things a more low-key compared to the glitzy resorts you normally stay in. Aaaand…”

Fanning out a series of tourism brochures like a deck of cards, he concluded, “apparently it’s a pretty spiritual area, lots of temples and cultural centers, places that supposedly help you cleanse and heal from every possible ailment without the need for modern medicine.”

“Never took you for the superstitious type,” Mira teased, flipping through the first brochure she got her hands on.

“I’m not. But I also wasn’t the type to believe in demons before last night,” Bobby explained.

“Hm, fair enough.”

Rumi leafed through a pamphlet of her own, interest piqued at the idea. “You really think one of these places can help me?”

Their manager gave a wobbly shrug. “To be honest, I have no clue. But I don’t want to leave anything to chance, I mean, you were dealing with the supernatural before right? Maybe there’s a lead there that a doctor wouldn’t think of.” He chugged the rest of his coffee, slamming the cup down on the countertop after. “Or, maybe there’s no leads and we just take a nice tour of the temples!”

Mira eyed him suspiciously, and rounded the counter to look at him more closely. Bobby leaned further and further back until he nearly tipped over, and in the split second it took for him to balance again Mira snatched his sunglasses. His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles marking a very clearly tired expression. 

“Not you too!” Mira handed them back with a frown. “How long were you working on this?”

Cover blown, Bobby simply tucked the glasses away instead of wearing them again. Despite his own fatigue he squared his shoulders and stood tall, hands on his hips as he declared, “ALL NIGHT!”

Mira groaned, but didn’t have a chance to nag him for it before he continued.

“I can handle one all nighter if it means Rumi gets to sleep peacefully the rest of her life.”

Her anger melted away then. How could she stay mad when he was being so sweet? Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Mira pulled him into a strong side hug, punctuated with a good-natured jostling. 

“You’re too good for us Bobby. Thanks for being so thorough.”

Zoey giggled from across the counter, while Rumi simply grinned at the two. They didn’t say it right away, but they shared Mira’s sentiments as well. 

Humming thoughtfully, Zoey picked one page out of her stack to hand to Rumi. “Well just to cover our bases, this doctor seems like a good bet. She’s got a lot of experience, good ratings, and apparently she helps a lot of people with ‘pain management’… I have a good feeling about her.”

“You had a good feeling about Dr. Han too,” Rumi joked. 

“Okay but this time she really is legit! Look!”

Truthfully, she didn’t have to look at the doctor for more than a few seconds to agree; she was legit. From the moment she read her name, from the moment she saw her headshot, Rumi felt confidence stir in her chest. Whether it was instinct or just blind hope, she felt like she’d be able to trust her. 

“I guess we have our winner,” she mused, setting the page aside. “When do we leave?”

“Tonight!”

The girls turned their attention to Bobby, who was grinning in earnest at their surprise.

“What? The sooner we can get Rumi on the mend, the better. I’ll make all the arrangements while you girls pack. Let’s plan to stay foooor… three days?”

All three nodded, excited for the prospect of a mini-vacation. They rarely travelled for reasons other than work or tours. Even if the circumstances weren’t ideal, getting out of the city would still be a welcome change.

“Great! Let’s make the most of this trip!” 

Zoey and Mira cheered with fists raised high. Rumi, however, wouldn’t celebrate just yet. Part of her wanted to believe, for even a fraction of a second, that this venture would truly help her onto the right path to healing. The larger part of her gnashed its teeth at the small flickers of hope burning through her soul; like embers smothered underfoot, they were quickly ground into dust. No, she wouldn’t set her expectations too high this time. Every time she did, a new knife twisted in her back.

Rumi was tired of bleeding herself dry.

So when they boarded the jet that evening, she let her team carry the burden of hope in her stead. When they checked in to their hotel at midnight, she let herself stay comfortably numb. It wasn’t until they were settling down in their rooms that her anxiety kicked in. 

She didn’t have Derpy or Sussie to help her through the night. Rumi hadn’t slept without them for nearly a week. Dread coiled through her gut the longer she stared at her bed, wondering how long it would take for her to fall asleep, or if she even could. Moonlight through the windows threw shadows across the room like the bars of a cage. Everything was foreign, unfamiliar, dangerous . There were no trusted comforts here beyond what she could pack in a suitcase, only stiff sheets and pillows plump enough to suffocate the strongest of lungs. Rumi couldn’t stand the thought of spending another minute alone. It felt as though the darkest corners would smother her the second she let her guard down.

Tip-toeing across the hall, she hammered at Mira’s door urgently as she failed to keep herself stable. Two hushed voices stopped abruptly, and shortly after the door squeaked open. There were no words exchanged, only a hand extended to invite Rumi in. Mira didn’t need to hear a single word to know she needed some company then.

Her room was dimly lit by a small, ornate lamp on the nightstand, bathing the space in a soft orange glow. There were a number of skincare products lined up across the corner desk, a pile of clothes strewn across the floor, and a half-unpacked suitcase by the foot of the bed. The flatscreen across from the bed played a movie in silence, existing more for eye-candy than actual entertainment. 

Atop the king sized bed Zoey was laying on her stomach with notebook in hand, pen twirling in her fingers as she kicked her feet back and forth in the air. Upon seeing Rumi however, she shot up to make space for her.

“Are you okay? Couldn’t sleep?”

Silently, Rumi shook her head. She didn’t sit on the bed right away, holding herself at the edge like she would somehow ruin it the moment she touched the sheets. Mira came up beside her, hand coming to rest on the small of her back.

“If it makes you feel better, we couldn’t either,” Mira said. “We’ve been thinking about what Bobby mentioned earlier.”

“About the temples?” Rumi murmured.

Nodding, Mira put gentle pressure against her to usher her forward. Another invitation to join them, a metaphorical welcome mat telling her she was wanted there. Rumi shuffled onto the bed, pain flaring up until she settled against the headboard. A chair rolled over from the desk for Mira to sit on it backwards, arms folded across the back as she motioned for Zoey to continue. 

“Right. Well Bobby mentioned spiritual healing, and it got me thinking, maybe we aren’t the only thing that can affect demons.” Zoey pointed the pen at Rumi. “Do you remember when Celine would have us perform those rituals when we were younger? To like, ‘purify’ us and connect us to the Honmoon?”

She remembered the imposter syndrome more than the rituals themselves. She never felt like she had a right to take part in them, like she was too filthy to ever be counted as worthy of the title passed to her. Sometimes that younger version of her wondered if the Honmoon had made a mistake in choosing her for such a mantle, if it would punish her for daring to think she was ever fit for the role. 

“Well we were wondering, did you ever feel… off, when we did those?” 

“Off?”

“Like sick or uncomfortable. Did the ceremonies ever hurt you?”

Oh.

Rumi brought her knees up to her chest, chin resting atop as she wrapped her arms around them. Her hands clasped the silky fabric around her ankles to work the cloth between her fingers. She stopped trying to recall the rituals and instead focused on what came after.

She remembered growing pains, creaking joints and achy bones that seemed to linger far longer in her body than it did in other children her age. She remembered headaches triggered by burning incense, the cloying scents that clung to her clothes for days on end. She remembered a buzz beneath her skin that made her want to claw her arms open just to silence it; her patterns grew further down her arms after the feeling passed. 

A broken bone that healed overnight, with a burn that lingered for months after; muscles fatigued through training that never quite recovered, but compounded discomfort until the day she stopped noticing their ache; a tear in her right shoulder, searing pain beneath her skin, healing just a week later as the patterns crept down her bicep.

In the back of her mind an old agony whispered at the edge of recall. A sharp wave through her body like touching a live wire, intense and searing through muscle to her very core, to her soul , so severe that her mind wouldn’t let her remember it in its entirety. Rumi shuddered as the echo of it sliced up her spine. 

“It’s… hard to say.” She huffed, breathing through the sudden jolt. “The more I think about it, the more I realize I was in pain a lot as a kid. I don’t know what to connect those pains to though, they just… were . I thought it was normal.”

Zoey winced, taking a steadying breath before she tried again. “Let me rephrase then. Did the ceremonies make you feel safe?”

For that, Rumi had an answer.

She held herself tighter as she admitted it. “Not really, no. They always made me feel… wrong. Out of place. There were a few times I actually thought –” Rumi’s stare drifted to the wall, eyes burning “– thought… the Honmoon would reject me. I always wondered if I’d be banished by it some day, or… worse.” 

Brows furrowed, her friends regarded her with empathy at the new revelation. Each had their own brush with thoughts of rejection, fleeting hypotheticals of what might become of them if they were suddenly isolated from all they’d ever known. They understood the fear of abandonment all too well. Silently, they wished they could go back and assure little Rumi that they would never be the cause of that fear. The best they could do was close in around her, wrap her in soothing arms and hope that gentler hands could reach through time to soothe the child that didn’t know how to love herself. 

Sighing in their embrace, she pressed her cheek into Mira’s shoulder as she met Zoey’s grief-stricken eyes. “I don’t think I ever felt safe until I met the two of you, but even then it felt like… like I was standing at a cliff’s edge, trying not to fall off. You were my tethers – you still are. The only reason I’m still here is because I have you to keep me grounded.”

There was so much more she wanted to say. Words hung on the tip of her tongue, but she choked them down as that old shame rose like bile in her throat. She still couldn’t admit the deeper implications of her words, and in her heart she hoped they wouldn’t read between the lines.

One of Zoey’s arms dropped, free hand now grasping firmly onto one of Rumi’s hands. “It’s the same for us. I had such a hard time fitting in for so long, but with the two of you it just came naturally. It felt like…”

“Like coming home,” Mira finished.

Zoey’s smile could light up the whole room. “Exactly.”

Home. The concept should have been more familiar to Rumi. She had a house she lived in as a child, sure, but it never felt like home to her. There was no warmth or welcome there, only a cold longing that never seemed to leave. In that place, ‘home’ was nothing more than a ghost. ‘Home’ was dead and buried long before Rumi ever had a chance to know it.

“Do you think…” Rumi trailed off, watching the colors shift and blur on the tv as her eyes fell out of focus. “Do you think something in my childhood just… broke me, and never healed? Is that why I’m in pain now?”

“I don’t know, Rumi. But if there’s something to that, we’ll find out tomorrow.” Mira pressed her lips to the crown of her head, not quite a kiss but tender all the same. “For now, you need to get some sleep. It’s gonna be a looong day.”

Tensing between them, she let out a heavy sigh through her nostrils. She didn’t want to leave the warmth of their arms. Here everything didn’t feel so overwhelming or hostile; she didn’t feel the ache of solitude. But they needed their sleep as much as she did, Rumi wouldn’t hog all their time. As she moved to get out of bed, their hands tightened on her.

“Y’know,” Zoey blurted, “this bed is preeeetty big. And comfy. Makes me want toooo… I dunno… have a sleepover?”

Rumi and Mira both stared at her with eyebrows raised, but Mira was the one to break into a grin first. 

“Presumptuous of you to make my room the sleepover spot. You didn’t even ask first.”

“Well we’re all already here!” Zoey flailed her arm towards the door, pouting. “What’s the point in moving to another room to get re-cozy in another big bed? Besides, it smells like your lotion in here and I really like your lotion!”

“You could just like, put some on?” Mira teased. Beside her, Rumi giggled.

“Noooo it’s different when it’s on me, you wouldn’t get it!”

“So that’s an invitation to smell you next time you borrow some?”

“Buh – wha – no!” Zoey sputtered.

“What do you think, Rumi? Did that sound like an invitation to you?” She whispered in her ear, making the girl shudder. Rumi cursed her body for being so sensitive.

“Hate to say Zo, but I have to agree. We’ll have to test it tomorrow.”

Blushing, Zoey quickly packed up the few things she brought in and began to shuffle off the bed. “Okay fine I’ll just leave and go to my boring, stinky room now –”

“NO.”

Rumi grabbed her wrist, releasing it at the responding gasp and stare from her friend. She clutched her traitorous hand to her chest, muttering apologies as she tried to figure out why she did that in the first place. The gap between them felt too long somehow. The distance felt cold. 

The corner of Mira’s lips curled upward in a smirk. Feigning indifference, she made a show of rolling her eyes and groaning. “Fine, we can have a sleepover here. But you two are making the bed in the morning.”

Squealing, Zoey pumped her fists in the air victoriously. Rumi wouldn’t admit how relieved she was, but it was clear to her friends in the way tension seemed to melt from her bones. They didn’t talk about her outburst, the desperation of that singular plea. They could tease her for it when the dust finally settled; today, they just needed her to feel cared for.

Lights shut off, but the tv remained on at Rumi’s request as they shuffled under the covers side by side. Rumi stayed in the middle with Mira to her left, and Zoey to her right. Zoey turned over to lay on her side and face them with a sleepy smile, yawning in the silence.

“Goodnight girls,” she mumbled, already dozing off.

“Goodnight, Zo,” they answered in unison. The two shared a look, chuckled, and slowly drifted off themselves. 

She didn’t have Derpy’s comforting purr on her chest, or Sussie’s soothing songs to quiet her troubled mind. But somehow, to Rumi’s surprise, sleep found her easily that night. With careful hands holding her in the space between, and soft breaths breaking the silence in the room, Rumi slept soundly in a different kind of peace.

Chapter Text

The following morning Rumi woke first, as she often did, to chirping birds and pleasant heat surrounding her. The girls were a tangle of limbs beneath the blankets. Zoey had an arm draped across Rumi’s stomach, cheek resting on her shoulder, with a leg thrown over one of hers in a near leg-lock. Zoey’s hand came to rest atop Mira’s, which was hooked around Rumi’s forearm. Rumi’s right arm had found its place under Zoey in the middle of the night, and wrapped around to limply hold her by the waist. 

Glancing to her right, Rumi studied Zoey’s expression as she mumbled in her sleep. She took her time tracing the freckles dotting the bridge of her nose, tracking every twitch of her lips, pondering on what their maknae could possibly be dreaming of. Squeezing her tighter, she used the little strength she could muster to pull the girl closer to her, and relished in the soft, sweet sigh as Zoey clung to her. 

“Cute, isn’t she?”

Rumi turned her head, finding Mira half awake on her left. She blinked the sleep from her eyes with a yawn, thumb idly tracing lines in the crook of Rumi’s elbow. 

“Not surprising that Zoey is a cuddler,” Mira murmured, “but she does kick in her sleep sometimes. Got me good in the shin once or twice.”

She let go of a quiet laugh and took the chance to study Mira, too. People who didn’t truly know Mira would accuse her of having a ‘resting bitch face’, but Rumi had always known that wasn’t the truth of who she was. Mira felt deeply, and kept herself guarded to avoid being wounded by anyone that might threaten to wrench those emotions out of her without care. She wore a scowl as often as a smile, but it made her no less kind to the people who mattered. In the sleepy morning hours, without the need for rush or routine, Mira simply looked content. There was no tension above her eyes, no pressure dragging the corners of her lips into a hard-lined frown. She allowed herself to be soft in the presence of the people she trusted most in this world.

“How’d you sleep?” Mira asked, trying not to let her face burn at the intensity of Rumi’s gaze. 

“Honestly? I slept great. I didn’t think I’d feel this rested,” she admitted.

Mira wanted to be snarky, but she didn’t have the heart. The last thing she wanted was to spoil Rumi’s good morning.

“And your pain?”

Eyes drifting shut, Rumi took a moment to evaluate herself before answering, “Quiet, but there. Not as bad as yesterday.”

Rumi gasped quietly under her breath as Zoey’s hand shifted away from Mira’s, finding new purchase on Rumi’s stomach. Beneath her shirt. Turning over, she found the girl still fast asleep, but sporting the tiniest smile as fingertips pressed to tender skin. Rumi’s breathing hitched as they hiked further up to graze the edge of her ribcage, and found their home in the broiling heat there. 

Grinning wickedly, Mira leaned in to whisper directly in Rumi’s ear, “we can wake her up y’know… if you’re uncomfortable.”

Rumi didn’t turn to address her, too invested in watching their slumbering friend with a mix of embarrassment and glee. “No, no. I’m good. Let her uuh… let her sleep.”

Hand now free, Mira decided to push it a step further. Propped up on an elbow beneath her, Mira brought her other hand up to trace the patterns on Rumi’s cheek, across her cheekbone, up to the ones framing her forehead. They almost seemed to glow under the attention, shimmering in the soft morning light. 

All Mira could think was how beautiful Rumi looked in that moment, and she decided to make her thoughts known. That got her to finally turn her head again. Rumi stared at her wide eyed and blushing, but not unhappy. If anything, she looked thrilled at the praise.

“You… really think so?” She asked shyly, more awestruck than skeptical.

“Of course I do.” Her hand cupped Rumi’s cheek, skimming a gentle path along her other cheekbone. “I’ve always thought so. Guarantee you Zoey thinks the same.”

“Zoey zhinks hwhat?” Slowly, the last to wake joined them, barely catching up to the conversation at hand. She blinked at them slowly, trying to recall what was said just seconds before.

“That Rumi is a total hottie –”

“MIRA!”

“Oh totally,” Zoey agreed, sleepy grin stretching across her lips. “Like suuuuper hot… literally… OH!” She pulled her hand out from Rumi’s shirt, holding both in the air as if in surrender. “I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to invade your space like that!”

Rumi’s hand, still on her waist, gave her a squeeze. “It’s fine Zoey, I really didn’t mind it! It was… kinda nice.”

A tense silence passed between them, but it wasn’t unpleasant. All three waited for the others to break first, to continue the teasing, the touches, the mild flirting, only to be interrupted by a series of knocks at the door.

Bobby called out from the other side. “Hey Mira, are Zoey and Rumi with you? They weren’t answering when I checked on them! We’ve gotta be out of here in thirty to get to Rumi’s appointment!”

Three sets of eyes glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Three groans in differing pitches rumbled in harmony.

“Don’t worry Bobby, we’re getting ready!” Mira called back, sliding out of bed. 

“Okay great, perfect. See you girls in a bit!”

Arms stretched high above her head, Mira missed the way Rumi and Zoey’s eyes traced over her abs as her shirt lifted up. When they caught each other, however, both blushed furiously. They conveniently left the room one after the other to quickly dress for the day, leaving Mira confused at the speed with which they left. She shrugged it off though, knowing they’d be back soon.

With all three physically ready, but mentally unprepared, they met in the lobby where Bobby already had a car ready and waiting. He elected to drive them himself, wanting to keep as few people “in the know” as possible on this trip, and made it to the clinic with plenty of time to spare.

“Alright girls, here’s the deal.” Bobby put the car in park and turned in his seat to face them all. Mira sat up front, with Zoey and Rumi comfortably lounging in the back. “Dr. Seong had a sudden vacancy today, so we lucked out getting an appointment with her so soon. Depending on how things go, she might be able to squeeze us in tomorrow too. Hopefully she’ll have some better answers than the bozo you saw before. You ready?”

Mira gave him a thumbs up. Zoey hummed in affirmation. Rumi could only shrug, uncertainty building as time ticked down to her check-in. 

They only waited in the lobby for a short time before the receptionist called her in. As the four were led down a hall to the examination room, Bobby slowed Rumi down to talk to her privately. 

“Just checking in. How are you feeling right now?”

Arms wrapped around her stomach, she tried to swallow the bundle of nerves that threatened to choke her. The pain was already steadily growing in her lower back, and spread downward to her legs. “Honestly? I don’t know, Bobby. I’m worried about what’ll happen by the end of this visit… if I can’t get answers here, then –”

“Then we’ll find them somewhere else,” he assured her. Hand on her shoulder, he added, “whatever happens, we’re with you.”

Nodding, she took a deep breath to calm herself before entering the room. It was rather spacious, with a number of posters and diagrams lining the walls for any with wandering eyes like Zoey, who immediately took interest in a giant display of the nervous system. There were several chairs lined up against one wall, with a side table filled with magazines and short books for people to pass the time. Mira sat nearest to said table, skimming a little book on anatomy with a well worn cover. 

Bobby lingered in the doorway, seeming almost as nervous as Rumi. “Do you want me to stay? I can leave if you want some privacy, I’ll just wait in the lobby or the car until you’re done here, I mean, I don’t want to intrude –”

“You’re not.” Rumi held the door for him with a welcoming smile. “I’d like you to stay, at least for now. If it gets really in depth you might want to step out, but for now, I…” her voice grew quieter, more fragile, “... I need all the support I can get.”

And what chance did his nerves stand in the face of her needs? Bobby puffed his chest with a nod, entering the room without a second thought and plopping down next to Mira. The receptionist informed them with a small bow of the head that Rumi’s doctor would be with them shortly, then left to tend to her other duties. 

They passed the minutes with idle chatter about plans for the evening, places to visit, sights to behold. Rumi gave little input, unsure of how willing she’d be to participate depending on how things went for this visit. She twiddled her thumbs as she sat on the exam table, waiting, waiting, waiting …

Two knocks rapped on the door, then a woman entered. Dr. Seong was about Mira’s height, sporting a short bob and square rimmed glasses. Her lab coat was pressed and pristine, slacks devoid of wrinkles; there was hardly a crinkle as she sat in a rolling chair set up by a small desk and computer. She greeted Rumi first, then each of her companions, did a quick scan of Rumi’s file, then began with a smile.

“Miss Ryu, how are you feeling today?”

“Just Rumi, please. I’m… tired, I guess? And…”

No more hiding.

“... a little scared, to be honest.”

With a nod, she urged her to continue. “May I ask what it is you’re specifically afraid of?”

Rumi took a shuddering breath. “I think… I’m afraid to find out what’s wrong with me? I’m afraid it really will be permanent and I – I won’t know… how to live with it.” 

I won’t WANT to live with it.

Dr. Seong glanced at her over her glasses, then made a note. Hands folded in her lap, she straightened her posture a little more and nodded at Rumi. “That’s a very reasonable fear to have, especially given your career. I understand you’ve been in pain for quite some time. When did you first notice it?”

“About… two months ago?”

Another note.

“And is that pain localized to just one place, or is it spread across your body?”

As if answering for her, fire blossomed in her spine, sending a ripple through already tense muscles. Back rigid, she eked out a single, poignant “Everywhere.”

Setting the clipboard aside, the doctor regarded her with quiet alarm. “What is your pain level right now?”

“It’s… a six?” She responded, one eye screwed shut. Her fingers gripped the hem of her sweatshirt tightly, joints throbbing with the strain.

“Is that your honest answer, or is that what you think the ‘right’ answer is?”

Rumi was taken aback. “Honest” and “right” walked hand in hand in her mind. What other answer could she give? Surely her pain wasn’t that bad. It hurt, but she could handle it.

Seeing her confusion, her doctor explained, “In my experience, I’ve noticed people sometimes undersell their pain in order to avoid being perceived as weak or burdensome. I don’t say this to accuse you of any misdirection or dishonesty, this is a safe space for you. I just want to know what your pain level is so we can proceed with more caution if needed. So tell me again, Rumi, where are you at now?”

She took a moment to check herself. This wasn’t the worst she’s felt by a long shot, but it was quickly becoming an aggressive pain day. The longer she sat there, the greater the pressure felt on her spine. Her nerves were electrified, and stabbed at her skin from the inside out. It was painful, and the more she dwelled on it the less she could tolerate the waves of discomfort.

“... eight.”

Eyes softening, Dr. Seong nodded at her. “I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t offer much in terms of medication until we complete the examination. Is there anything I can do in the meantime to make you more comfortable?”

She scanned the room. Bobby gave her a reassuring nod. Zoey and Mira exchanged glances, then met her drifting gaze as if to ask whether she needed them beside her. They were on the edge of their seats, waiting to spring forward at her signal. She didn’t want to inconvenience them.

“I think… if I could lay down, that might help,” Rumi settled on.

“You’re more than welcome to, then,” her doctor adjusted the table to let her lounge, laying back at an angle. “Now, if you’re alright with it I’d like to run through the initial health checks. Can you take your sweater off for me?”

She wished she didn’t have to, but there was no point in hiding it. The patterns were on her face and neck as well as her arms, they would be seen one way or another. Her doctor seemed taken aback at the sight of them, but made no comment. Blood pressure, heart and lungs, vision, ears and throat; Dr. Seong checked the boxes with satisfaction.

Gloves changed. She rolled a little tabletop over and began to set up a needle and vials. “Do you have any aversion to needles, any history of fainting while getting your blood drawn?”

Memories played at the edge of her mind, but she couldn’t grasp them. Something fought to be remembered, but met resistance. 

Rumi’s arm ached, but it was sharper, pinpointed to the junction of her elbow. She fought the urge to soothe the spot. “No fainting. I’m just a little uneasy but I think I’ll be okay.”

In her periphery, Zoey whispered something to Mira behind her hand. The two nodded, and soon enough Zoey was at Rumi’s side to distract her.

“You’re braver than me. I hate getting my blood drawn, my arms always bruise afterwards.” Zoey smoothed a hand along Rumi’s hairline, drawing her gaze up and away from the tourniquet being tied on her arm.

“I’d say that’s more of a flaw on whoever draws your blood than on you.” Dr. Seong swabbed her inner elbow, the same spot Mira had rubbed that morning. A few taps on Rumi’s arm and she was ready to go. “Any good physician knows how to stick without causing that kind of damage. Now, make a fist for me, please.”

She did. Rumi felt the prick and whined, screwing her eyes shut. It wasn’t so painful that she couldn’t handle the sting, it was the memories, the sensation of life bleeding out of her that gave her trouble. She could feel it more deeply than she should, the loss , like part of her body being yanked away from her. It made her stomach churn the more her focus shifted towards it. It felt wrong. It felt invasive. And just when she was starting to chastise herself for panicking over a little needle, it dawned on her that this wasn’t the first time she felt this so intensely. 

It was Rumi, no more than six years old, crying that they were stealing something she couldn’t name.

It was Rumi, age ten, lashing out at the stranger threatening her very life force.

It was Rumi, twenty four, feeling the essence of her demon being ripped away all over again. But that wasn’t possible, was it? Her demon was gone, nothing more than ash on the wind. What more was there to lose?

She felt Zoey’s hands cradle her face and realized distantly that her breaths were coming in short, choppy bursts. Her doctor had to pin her arm to stop the tremors that wracked her body, and finished the draw with five vials filled. When she pulled the needle away Rumi could swear her vein was ripped away with it.

All she could do was babble Zoey’s name as she clung to her, burying her face in her chest while she tried to force the sensation out of her mind. She could feel it clear as day, the loss , the absence , the emptiness where warmth and life should have been. The remainder of Rumi’s blood was frigid in her veins.

“Sssh, it’s done, you’re okay,” Zoey nuzzled her temple, eyeing the doctor warily. “You’re okay Rumi, I’ve got you.”

She tried to explain what happened, tried to explain the turmoil in her mind, but she couldn’t string together anything coherent. The best she could manage was an apologetic look at her doctor, who seemed to be chastising herself for triggering her panic.

“I’m very sorry for causing you distress,” she began, voice measured and cautious. “I should have taken more care with how I handled that. If there’s anything I can do to help you –”

“I j-just – I – I n-need time,” Rumi stammered, struggling to catch her breath.

“Of course.” She stood and bowed low. “Again, I’m truly sorry for any pain inflicted. I’ll give you some space and send these to the lab.”

As soon as her doctor was out of the room the pressure on her lungs lightened. Rumi didn’t feel that sense of danger anymore, only a vague hollowness in her body. Breaths evening out, she leaned heavily into the girl beside her as she searched her memories for that feeling again. What was that? 

“Rumi? Are you okay?” Zoey asked, hand coming to rest on her head.

She nodded, though she wasn’t sure if that was true or not.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Her immediate answer would have been yes, if only she knew how to explain it. So she shook her head, having nothing else to offer.

“Do youuuu want Mira to hug you?” 

At this, Rumi barked a short laugh. Eying the girl across the room greedily, she nodded with a little more enthusiasm.

Mira rolled her eyes at their antics, but she was at her side with the speed of a hummingbird. Soon two pairs of arms encapsulated Rumi, Mira’s fingers finding purchase in the hairs at the base of her scalp. 

Growling low in her throat, Mira let her anger fly. “Just say the word and we’ll book it out of here. I don’t even care, this place can suck my –”

“No no, it’s okay, really! It wasn’t her fault, my body just reacted weirdly, that’s all. I’ll be alright.” 

“Are you sure? You don’t have to force yourself Rumi, we can leave.”

Deep breath in… and out. Rumi tucked her face into Mira’s shoulder, nodding, “I’m sure. I’m okay. It just… I got this feeling that I can’t explain right now, it still doesn’t make sense to me.” At their questioning looks, she added, “We’ll talk about it, I promise. I just need time.”

The eyes that studied her softened, and little by little their arms retracted. She was grounded again. Whatever happened, whatever the results were, she knew they’d keep her safe. From his seat, Bobby flashed her two thumbs up with a nervous smile, and she raised two right back. 

Dr. Seong returned shortly thereafter with two bottles – one water and one juice – and a hospital gown that gave Rumi pause. Bowing her head once more, the woman set all three on the counter as she took her seat. The girls, in turn, stepped away to take theirs as well.

“Miss Rumi, how are you feeling now?”

“Better,” she responded. “I’m sorry for freaking out, I really don’t know why that happened.”

Holding up a hand, her doctor shook her head with a morose expression. “Don’t ever apologize for something beyond your control. We can’t always choose how we react to things that hurt us. I assure you, you did nothing wrong. Are you alright to continue?”

Once Rumi nodded her understanding, Dr. Seong continued. “Excellent, just let me know if it gets too overwhelming. We can stop whenever you need.” She flipped through several pages on her clipboard, tutting under her breath. “Now, I noticed your medical history is… limited. Has there been any history of anxiety or panic disorders in your family? Or any history of chronic illness?”

Eyes downcast, Rumi fussed with the sweater in her lap. “I don’t know, I… I never knew my parents. My mother was one of the Sunlight Sisters, Ryu Miyeong. All I really know is that she died of an illness.”

“And your father?”

A demon. A mystery. Trapped in the depths of hell or floating in eternal nothing as a puff of smoke.

“... gone. I’m not really sure.”

“I see…” She made a note, adjusted her glasses, and straightened up. “I’m sorry to bring up difficult memories like this, but when it comes to potential chronic conditions it can be helpful to find genetic markers that can narrow down the possibilities. In your case we’ll have to run a larger spectrum of tests to find what applies to you, if anything.”

Rumi cocked her head at that. If. What else could it be if she wasn’t sick?

“There is always a chance that we’ll find something treatable. Curable. The hope is always that our patients can walk out of here pain-free, but sometimes it’s just not in the cards.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sometimes,” her doctor continued, “we are predisposed to certain illnesses, mental disorders or deficiencies due to genetics. Being predisposed doesn’t automatically mean you’ll develop that condition in your lifetime, but it does put you at higher risk. I say this to assure you that if it is the case of a chronic condition, you are not to blame for this… hiccup, in your health. Sometimes, even when you do everything right in caring for yourself, it still triggers.” 

“But, how? ” Rumi asked, shrinking into herself. “How does that happen?”

“Environmental factors are a big one. Exposure to certain chemicals or viruses in your day to day can lead to chronic illness depending on how your body responds. Although…” Leaning back, she crossed her legs and scanned over Rumi. “There are plenty of cases where people develop chronic conditions after stressful or traumatic events. Again, something they can’t really control. For all the progress we’ve made in the medical field, we’re still learning all the ways the human body processes trauma. And I’ll be honest, sometimes the ways our body chooses to handle it are just… unfair.”

Trauma. A small flame flickered to life in her chest, simmering under the surface as she mulled over that word. Trauma. It wrenched open something inside her painfully and made a nest for itself in her bones. It hurt, but it sounded right somehow.

“What, uh… what kind of trauma would do that?” 

Her face paled. Rumi dreaded the answer, but she needed to hear it; the twisted thing inside her demanded it.

Her doctor rolled over to grab the two bottles, handing both to Rumi without any explanation. In the pause, Rumi felt compelled to take a drink, and chose the juice. The woman seemed satisfied with that.

“It could be any number of things. Physical injuries, long-term infections, even the state of your mental health can be a factor.”

Her stomach writhed at the words. She took another drink.

“Can you… can you explain that more?”

Dr. Seong’s eyes almost burned as they studied her, slowly softening into something akin to understanding. “Physically, it’s fairly straightforward. A foreign threat damages your body, or invades your person, and your body does whatever it deems necessary to protect itself. Sometimes, wires get crossed between your brain and the rest of your person, and in it’s fight for self-preservation the body can damage itself instead of healing.”

Rumi felt the bottle buckle in her grip, but she didn’t care. She needed an anchor and right now, that was all she had nearby. “And the mental part?”

A quiet sigh. Her doctor settled back in her chair, already seeming to know where this was going. “The brain-body connection is just as important in this regard. Mental and emotional trauma can have very lasting effects on our physical health when left unaddressed. Maybe it was a single, large-scale event in your life that hurt you – the loss of a family member, for example. Maybe it’s a number of smaller events that chain together over time to wear down your mental state. The way you perceive yourself, and the ways others perceive you, can take a toll on your body if those perceptions are largely negative. Caring for your mental health is just as important as the physical in my eyes. Stress can and will kill if we don’t take measures to manage it.”

Do hunters kill all demons?

Yes.

So everything that has patterns?

Celine never told her no. Instead, she told her to cover up. She denied her demon blood. She denied her.

Skimming a finger along her forearm, Rumi traced the patterns absentmindedly as she wondered if it was always meant to be this way. If she was destined for pain from the moment she was born, if her body was always going to betray her like this. Was there no way to stop it? No way to avoid this endless ache? Hunters kill all demons, that was the code she lived by.

Maybe this was her roundabout way of fulfilling that oath for the one demon trained to be untouchable.

“Why now,” she whispered, more to herself than anyone else. “Everything was finally ok… why now?”

Carefully, her doctor placed a hand on the table beside her, not quite touching but somehow still comforting. “I wish I had an easy answer for you. We could speculate on it all day if you wanted to, I have no shortage of time. But I think that’s something you have to find for yourself.”

Rumi nodded, staring blankly at the wall. 

“If it’s alright with you, I would still like to run a few more tests. Your pain doesn’t stem from nothing . I’d like to help you find the root of it, and treat it so you can get back to enjoying your life. Does that sound like a plan, Rumi?”

With nothing else to go on, she nodded again, trying and failing to smile at her. Her doctor rolled away again to retrieve the hospital gown, and walked it back to her. 

“For the sake of transparency, I’d like to conduct a PET scan, and get an MRI to check your neural activity. Maybe an x-ray as well to look for any abnormalities in your skeleton. If you’re still feeling up to it afterwards we’ll do a pain test as well to pinpoint which areas of your body are most affected. You’ll need to wear a gown for the time being, no metals on your person that might interfere with the machines.” She motioned to a corner of the room where a long curtain was bunched against the wall. “There’s a partition here for you to change. We can leave you alone as well if you’d prefer total privacy.”

“No, it’s… it’s fine. Thank you.”

She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friends, whose worried glances make her skin itch. When she was stripped down to just the gown, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything as she handed the bundle of clothes to Zoey. When Mira’s hand brushed against her wrist, she made no move to return the gesture. Bobby gave her another thumbs up, and she couldn’t bring herself to smile.

Rumi didn’t believe there was a cure at the end of this. Treatments, maybe, but not a cure. Never a cure.

There is no cure that will change the very fabric of her being. 

In her mind this was nothing more than a show, a grand act to let her friends believe in a happy ending. She was resigned to the truth she always knew: she didn’t deserve peace, not with an imperfect body such as hers.

Dr. Seong interrupted her thoughts with an apologetic bow. “I’m sorry to say, but for the remainder of her tests I will need to have Rumi alone. You’ll have to wait in the lobby while we finish.”

Zoey and Mira opened their mouths to protest, but Rumi cut them off before they had the chance.

“You three go, get something to eat or… go sightseeing, or something. Don’t wait for me, I’ll call you when we’re done, okay?”

They looked doubtful. They looked like they wanted to handcuff themselves to her so she’d never be out of reach. She couldn’t quite meet their eyes, but she tried her best to feign confidence through her smile. 

They didn’t believe it.

Mira reached for her, hand hovering in the gap. “If you need us for anything, anything at all –”

“I know. I’ll call you.”

“Don’t hesitate! I will literally bust down doors if I have to,” Zoey promised her.

Despite the heaviness in her chest, she chuckled. “I know you would.”

Bobby ignored the way she held herself at arms length in favor of hugging her, arms comfortably crushing in the way they held her. “I’m proud of you,” he told her, and broke away to address her doctor. “Please call us if anything goes wrong.”

“I will,” she assured him.

They all stepped out into the hall, splitting up to take different paths through the hospital. Rumi trailed behind her doctor as they wound through stark white halls, the atmosphere around them heavy with a looming question hanging above them. Even if her doctor didn’t look at her directly, Rumi could feel the woman observing her, sizing her up, gauging when the right time would be to speak again. They turned into a small waiting area, and with a sweep of the hand she was directed to the elevators on the adjacent wall.

“Forgive my lack of honesty, but I needed to get you alone for a different set of questions.” Dr. Seong ushered her into an empty elevator, forcing the doors to shut earlier. “I apologize for my lack of decorum here, but there’s no easy way to ask. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression, Rumi?”

Your faults and fears must never be seen.

She almost laughed at the question. As if depression was ever an option for her, the perfect hunter, the rising star, the golden child,. She was too busy saving the world — fixing herself — to be depressed. 

“No,” Rumi said, voice hollow. “Never.”

The silence between them felt like claws around her throat. She could see Dr. Seong turn to her, eyes studying her with clinical precision, but Rumi couldn’t bring herself to meet her gaze.

Then the next question hit her like a sucker punch. “Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself?”

She froze. Her eyes drifted upward to the level indicator above them, wondering why it seemed to tick by so slowly. Fists clenched at her sides, she honed in on the sting of nails digging into tender palms and relished in the distraction.

“If you’re a danger to yourself, or to anyone else…”

“No.” Rumi held herself, trying to come up with more reason to defend herself. She had none.

Her doctor watched her from the corner of her eye, but didn’t voice her doubts. “I know how overwhelming it can be to face this sort of thing. If you start feeling any change in the future, even the smallest small thought of self-harm –”

“That won’t happen,” Rumi snapped. 

“... regardless, I would encourage you to seek out a therapist after today. I can give you some referrals if you need any.” Her doctor pivoted to face her head on, looking at her over the rim of her glasses. “Recovery is a long, arduous process. Taking care of your mental health is by no means easy, but it will help your overall quality of life. But you’ll only get as much out of it as the effort you put in.”

Rumi finally met her gaze, eyes dimmed and tired. She just wanted the day to be over. “Okay… I’ll… I’ll try.”

The next hours passed in relative silence. Rumi spoke little beyond the usual “yes”, “no” or “okay” exchanged between screenings. By the end of it she was utterly exhausted, body heavy as if gravity was turned up on her and her alone. Dr. Seong let her know that they’d need the night to evaluate, and would give her the results in person the following morning. Truthfully, Rumi didn’t want to come back.

Her condition wouldn’t go away. That was the only answer she needed.

She left with a new prescription of pain medication to tide her over while her doctor worked up some treatment plans. When it came time to leave, the trio that departed before was already waiting for her in the lobby. In fact, they never left. None of them wanted to risk leaving her alone in her grief.

She wished they would’ve.

Wordlessly, she redressed. She allowed the girls to chat her ear off about a local restaurant they were dying to try, and distanced herself as they all ate. Brick by brick she could feel those walls build themselves up again, but didn’t have the will to break them down. Her friends could tell she was pulling away, but she wouldn’t allow them to bridge the gap. They didn’t deserve that burden.

The grief she bore was a parasite, and she didn’t want to pass it on to people who deserved better than a pitiful, broken thing like her.

Rumi let the medication sit on her nightstand, untouched. 

Sleep didn’t find her right away, she wouldn’t let it.

She told the girls she needed space, and gave them no choice but to agree to leave her be for the night. In the solace of her room, in the darkness that haunted the edges of her vision, she sought out the one person that couldn’t overwhelm her with too many questions, too many comforts, too much gentleness. 

Rumi sought out her mother.

Her mother, who she forced herself to ignore in her need for self-preservation. Her mother, who was now dragged to the forefront of her mind by questions of heritage and birthright and shame. Her mother, who may have unknowingly passed this agony onto her when she was born.

Through music videos and interviews, she reached for the ghost of a woman she never knew. Rumi internalized her voice, isolated it from the harmonies, and imagined what it might have been like to have that voice all to herself in the privacy of their home. She studied her eyes, her smile, and dreamt of how often she might have enjoyed the warmth in them, had her mother survived. 

Rumi wondered if her mother would be proud of her, of how far she’s come.

Rumi wondered if her mother knew how hard this life would be for her little half-demon child.

Rumi wondered if her mother saw her as a mistake, too; if that was yet another curse passed down the bloodline.

In the silence, Rumi mourned the fact that she would never know the answer, lulled to sleep by an echo of her mother’s voice.

Maybe that’s all she deserved… the remnant of a life she’d never know.

Chapter Text

The whisper of a dream played at the frayed edges of her mind. She could see the sanctuary, the ancient tree Celine often had her meditate under in her youth. Speckles of light filtered through the foliage, through the ribbons that twirled on the breeze. Distantly, she recalled being held – cradled, even – as someone sang a lullaby to her. Little hands reached up towards… something. Words tried to reach her ears, but she couldn’t understand them. All she could hear was a hollow thump thump thump –

Rumi was roused from fitful sleep to pounding; pounding in her skull as she barely opened her eyes, pounding at the door that made each throb in her head feel that much worse. Patting the bed, she found her phone face down where she left it the night before, dead from playing music for hours without pause. With a groan, she rolled onto her back. She could see a thin beam of sunlight stream in between the curtains, but it did little to tell her the actual time.

The heels of her palms pressed into dry eyes as she called out, “What’s up?”

Zoey’s voice filtered through, muted and upbeat. “Hey Ru, we’ve been trying to reach you for a while now. You okay?”

Right. The follow up. She set an alarm for it, but without her phone…

“I’m fine. What time is it?”

“It’s –” Zoey murmured to someone else in the hall. “12:42. We need to go soon, are you –”

“Okay.” Rumi turned over, shutting her eyes tightly. “Thanks. I’ll be out in a sec.”

There was shuffling behind the door. Two voices spoke in a quick exchange that she didn’t bother to listen to, before Mira broke through the silence.

“If you need help getting ready, we can –”

Rumi cut her off, her own voice clipped and jagged. “I’m good.”

She didn’t want to see them just yet, and she didn’t want them to see her, either. She didn’t even want to get out of bed. All that waited for her was more bad news; Rumi was in no hurry to hear it.

“I’m good,” she repeated. “Just give me a few minutes.”

For a while, no one moved. She could taste their worry in the air like honey, tempting in its pull, tempting in the feelings of longing it stirred up in her chest. Rumi could recall the times she wished she could be doted on, all the sick days spent alone in her room, the injuries self-treated so they wouldn’t see her patterns… Rumi wished they could have been closer sooner. Even now she wanted them to be closer.

“Rumi?”

She couldn’t bring herself to answer them. She feared that a single word would break her resolve to shield them from her own misery.

“We’re here for you. You know that, right?” Zoey asked, the barest tremor in her voice.

Rumi buried her face in the blankets, hands gripping the fabric like a lifeline. She wouldn’t break, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t burden them with her pain today. 

The doorknob rattled, followed by a grunt of frustration from Mira. “I know this is probably the last thing you wanna hear right now, but… fuck, Rumi, you’re scaring us. Can you please let us in, just to check on you?”

Please just go –

“I know you didn’t sleep well, I could hear it in your voice.”

Please drop it please let me deal with it –

“You don’t have to be good or perfect or even okay right now, we just need to know you aren’t hurt.”

But it always hurts.

“Mira, maybe we should just go –”

“Not until she says something!” The doorknob rattled again. “She was awake and now she’s silent, that’s really not reassuring when we don’t know what’s wrong. What if she passed out in there?”

Part of her wished she would have. Maybe then she could forget the despair chaining her to the bed. Maybe she would forget the way her bones seemed to buckle and bend without breaking, how every motion mimicked the grind of rusting gears in her body. 

Soft hands tapped against the doorframe, Zoey’s voice following after. “Rumi? Just give us a word, please? Just so we know you’re still awake?”

Rumi could hear it. The tremble. Anxiety simmering beneath velvety sound. She had already failed to keep the burden off their shoulders. Her friends, as stubborn as they were kind, wouldn’t let this go. Wouldn’t let her go. As much as she wanted to hide and ignore the storm brewing in her head, she knew there was no point dragging it out. 

No more hiding .

She promised them she’d do better. She promised she’d trust them. 

“I’m here,” Rumi called out, tensing at the sighs of relief she heard in response. “I’ll open the door, but… give me a second. I’m moving slow right now.”

Little by little, she pulled herself out of bed. Her entire being, body and soul, felt like it was sinking below murky water, and suddenly the idea of drowning didn’t seem so terrible. Anything to avoid the confrontation they were about to have. Sluggishly she crossed the floor, dragging her feet the whole way, a door that practically oozed tension. As soon as she unlocked it Mira was in front of her, hands gripping her shoulders with desperation. Rumi went stiff under her touch, but allowed herself to be checked over before taking a step back.

Mira huffed, hands tensed into claws in front of her, and spoke through gritted teeth. “Why weren’t you – why – I’m really trying not to be mad, I am , but I don’t appreciate the silent treatment. You know that.”

The bite in her words was deserved, Rumi thought. They knew all too well how Mira’s family would often meet her with silence, whether it was as punishment for “bad behavior” or in response to her trying to talk about her interests. Her parents preferred to ignore her rather than make the effort to understand. In the rare times Mira fought with her friends, she’d much rather hash it out on the spot than be met with silence. At least then she knew they cared enough to try.

“I’m sorry,” Rumi said, voice small.

Mira’s pinched the bridge of her nose, letting go of another long exhale. She reached for Rumi and Zoey and brushed them with a featherlight touch, beckoning them with an unsaid question. With a nod, Rumi waved for them to follow her to the bed.

The door drifted shut. Below, the bed creaked as they all sat side by side with Rumi in between. She kept her hands in her lap, droopy eyes boring a hole in the floor as she braced for the incoming barrage.

Zoey was first to break the quiet. “Are we okay?”

… not what Rumi was expecting. Her face pinched in thought, but she didn’t have an answer to that.

“You’re putting up walls again. We’re scared of what that means… for you and for us. If we did something wrong –”

“No. No, it’s not… it’s not you, or Mira, it’s… I need…” She buried her face in her hands with a groan. “I’m not… trying to scare you, I’m just feeling a lot right now and it’s all so… overwhelming. I don’t know. There’s too much happening in my head.”

“Okay…” Mira placed a hand on the small of her back, rubbing slow, soothing circles. “Start with this morning, then. Your phone was sending us straight to voicemail, which really isn’t normal for you.”

“My, uh… phone died. Sorry.”

Arching an eyebrow, Mira tilted her head at her. “Aaaaand?”

Her eyes burned as she dropped her hands, blowing out a shaky exhale. “I… stayed up late, watching videos about my mom.”

The girls beside her stilled. It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop from down the hall. 

Rumi sniffled, blinking back tears. “After what Dr. Seong said about family history and genetics I… I kept thinking about her. How different things might be if she were still here. Celine and I, we barely talk about her, and I tried not to think about her so I could focus on us, on the Honmoon, but I still… I still miss her. I never even got to know her and I miss her. I don’t know what to do with that.” 

“You’re still grieving,” Zoey said. 

“I don’t understand why though, after twenty years I should be over this!”

“You’re still allowed to hurt, Rumi. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, you’re allowed to mourn whenever you need to.”

“Especially if Celine never, y’know, helped you with that,” Mira added. “You were just a kid. She should have helped you process, instead she threw you right into training to be the next big idol. Not exactly helpful for a loss like that.”

Rumi nodded, chewing her bottom lip as she sorted through the other dozen emotions swirling through her chest. Something blazed beneath her skin the longer she dwelled on it. “There’s something else though, not just the grief. I think… I think I’m angry, too.”

“At Celine?”

Rumi brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she tucked her chin into the crook between. “No… I think… I’m angry at my mom.”

Another hand joined Mira’s on her back. The steady pressure eased the knot in her stomach, coaxed out the words that had been building in her over years of suppression.

“I’m angry at her for leaving.” She hid her face, heaving as she continued. “I – I know it wasn’t her choice, she didn’t want to leave us, but she did, and everything fell apart after. I know it’s awful, and selfish, but I… I blame her… for this, all of this, the patterns, the lies, the pain .” Rumi held herself tighter, fighting for self control, trying and failing to tamp her voice down. “She didn’t know what she was leaving me with, I know that. She couldn’t have known! But she still made that choice she – she chose to have me, now I have to live with her mistake!”

Breathless and panting, Rumi choked back sobs as comforting hands left her. Without that anchor she was left to drift, floating into an inky void that filled her lungs the way air somehow couldn’t. It burned in the way ice sears skin when held too tightly. Her patterns, her skin, all felt frigid, rejecting the familiar warmth that tried to wrap her in whispers of love and home .

She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve the kindness, the comfort. She was a mistake, an error never corrected, a glaring wrong that slipped through the cracks. Nails dug into biceps, hissing through her teeth, Rumi swallowed the rancid feeling of shame that bubbled up within her. It was all she could stomach, even as her friends tried to offer her sweetness.

Mira’s hand came to rest on her arm, hooking on her wrist. “Rumi… is that what you think? That you’re a mistake?” 

She berated herself for revealing too much. They’d talked about everything that happened, hashed out all the conflict of the Idol Awards and everything that came before, but some things she still kept close to her chest. Things that were too fragile, too raw to say out loud, one of which had just clawed its way out of the little cage she’d in her heart. 

Mistake . 

That secret was supposed to die with the one person that knew about it.

It was just the first cobblestone on her own personal path to oblivion, one she dared not tread in the presence of those closest to her. They weren’t supposed to see it – weren’t allowed to see it. They weren’t allowed to see how worthless she really was. 

“Sweetie, I need you to look at me.” The hand on her wrist tugged ever so softly, Rumi’s grip on herself loosening. “Please?”

She let herself peek, but didn’t open herself to them. Not yet. Mira met her with heartbreak and healing in equal measure, gaze filled with as much love, as much tenderness as she could pour out. “You are not a mistake. You never have been, never will be, no matter what anyone tells you. I know that’s hard to believe right now but please, trust me when I tell you that nothing in our lives would be right if you weren’t here.”

Zoey leaned in, resting her chin atop Rumi’s shoulder. “We harmonized from the moment we met – even Celine was surprised at how quickly we clicked. Do you think that was a mistake?”

“... no,” Rumi muttered.

“Was it a mistake when we won our first Idol Award? Or the next four in a row?”

She allowed herself the smallest chuckle. “No.”

“Was it a mistake when you saved us when we couldn’t save ourselves?” Zoey asked, hand once again finding its place on Rumi’s back. “Mira and I… we gave up. We gave in to Gwi-Ma’s voice. But you brought us back – you Rumi – not the Honmoon, not the fans, not Celine. We messed up when we pushed you away but you – you came back! You brought us all together again! You brought the world together again! How could you be a mistake if you did all that?”

A sniffle. A shrug. “I don’t know…”

“I think you do.” Wrapping her in a careful hug, Mira pulled Rumi into herself with a sigh. A second later, she beckoned Zoey to join them with an arm outstretched. “Because you aren’t a mistake. I can’t speak for your mom, but I do speak for us when I say that we will always be grateful to have you here. Doesn’t matter what you’re feeling or when or why, we just want you here with us. We love you, okay? Even if you doubt yourself, don’t ever doubt that.”

Slowly, the rotten feeling inside her emptied, leaving space for affection to fill the void. It was still unbelievable to her that she could be anything other than wrong , but if her friends could still love her regardless, maybe that was enough for now.

Rumi wanted nothing more than to return that declaration, the ‘I love you’ that constantly hung off the tip of her tongue, but it was never the right time. She wasn’t worthy of it yet, wasn’t deserving enough of a sentiment as all encompassing as love. At one time, she reasoned that no one could love a half-demon disfigured by patterns. Over the years it shifted to something deeper, defined not by her appearance but by her specifically. It was no longer the thought that ‘no one could love Rumi, the half demon’, it was the thought that ‘no one could love Rumi’, period. That’s just how it was.

Zoey and Mira were worth so much more, more than Rumi could ever possibly give them. They were beautiful and fierce, endlessly kind and nothing short of dependable. She wanted to be someone they could depend on, too. Someone that could carry them through the hard days as they have for her, time and time again. She wanted to shower them in love and adoration the way they deserved, without limits, without hesitation, and Rumi just wasn’t good enough yet.

She couldn’t even muster up the will to love herself without conditions attached. How could she ever dream of a life where they could love each other openly, when she couldn’t picture herself making it through the year? No, she wasn’t worthy of their love, if they even felt the same way. That feeling was a gift, sealed tight and shelved away in her soul until she could earn the right to open it.

With popping limbs and sore muscles, Rumi broke from their embrace. The pity party was over, she decided. Today would be different – had to be different. If not for her own sake, then for theirs. She had to be better for them.

“You still up for this?” Zoey pulled out her phone, grimacing at the missed messages from Bobby. “We might still make it on time if we go soon.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Rumi smiled at the admonishing look Mira gave her. “I’m actually good this time, I’m not dismissing it.”

“Good. Let’s get you ready so we can get this over with, then the rest of the night is ours.”

As much as she wanted to protest, Rumi couldn’t deny the helping hands that quickly guided her through routine. Their combined effort made up for the drive she lacked. Her hair was tied in a quick, messier braid unlike the style she normally wore; a light swath of makeup was applied to hide the worst signs of sleep deprivation plaguing her. Rumi kept her outfit loose, baggy, uncomfortable at the thought of anything clinging to her overly-sensitive skin. Arm in arm the three made their way our of her room – having sufficiently cleaned Rumi up for the day – and met Bobby down the hall. He waved them down without much preamble, fussing with his watch anxiously as the time ticked closer to their appointment. 

The drive was tense, silent. Even Bobby wasn’t up for much conversation. They arrived at the hospital in record time, and stayed in the waiting room for just a few minutes before Dr. Seong came out herself to greet them. They were led back to the examination room, ran through the usual questions, repeated the same pleasantries. It quickly became evident that Rumi wasn’t in the mood for small talk, so without stalling, her doctor moved on to the bulk of their discussion… Rumi’s diagnosis.

It shouldn’t have been so surprising, really. She’d expected the worst, she’d accepted it was permanent, there was no changing that. The conclusion they came to was fibromyalgia, not at all ideal but not the worst thing she could have, either. Luckily — or unluckily, in Rumi’s mind — it wasn’t fatal. She’d live through it, live with it, for a long, long time.

The promise of longevity might have been comforting. But as months stretched into years, stretched into decades in her mind’s eye, Rumi couldn’t help but wonder how long she could really last in the face of such a burden. Without any say in the matter she’d traded her demon for a lifetime of pain; somehow, she missed the days when all she worried about were her patterns being seen. 

Now her worries centered on a different set of patterns she didn’t know she had. 

Dr. Seong pinned several x-rays to a light board, as well as the results of her MRI. She tapped her fingers against a broad scan of Rumi’s torso, showing threads of white laced across her back and midsection like spiderwebs that tapered off at the junction of her limbs. Another scan showing Rumi’s back specifically showed a larger, denser cluster between her shoulder blades, as well as a matching set at the base of her spine.

“There’s quite a bit of internal scar tissue. Seems it healed in this pattern a long time ago, I’ve never seen anything present in this way before. Do you remember what might have caused this, since it’s not in your records?”

Rumi thought hard about all her fights over the years. Demonic claws piercing her flesh, brick-breaking impacts of her back against walls, blunt force clubs knocking the wind from her lungs…

Breathlessness. Pressure too large crushing lungs too small. A hand — a human hand — searing into her spine, pulsing in time with a rhythmic chant that drowned out her own pounding heart. Electricity danced along her ribs, through her veins, searing her bones, boiling her blood until she screamed her throat raw —

“Rumi? You with us?”

Her eyes, wide with fear, flickered over to Mira. There was fear in her eyes, too.

“Where’d you go, hun?”

She didn’t have an answer. The memory was too fleeting, too obscure. All she could remember was how close to death she felt back then. 

“I don’t know.” Rumi’s voice was so quiet, Mira almost didn’t hear it. “I don’t know… who did it.”

Something crackled in the air around them. Her friends tensed as if gearing up for a fight; Bobby’s shoulders sagged with the weight of her words; her doctor, barely holding her composure, sighed heavily through her nostrils. It wasn’t a what, a when, it was a who . An unknown who that wounded a child so severely that her body didn’t know what else to do but continue to hurt, as if spreading the pain over a lifetime would somehow lessen the blow.

Voice stiff and clinical, Dr. Seong looked at the scans again. “There is… no good way to confirm whether or not this was the catalyst for your… current state. But I think it’s safe to say this was a contributor.”

She cleared her throat and pointed to several spots along Rumi’s skeleton as well, to old cracks long healed after years of fighting. “There are signs of quite a few breaks and hairline fractures as well. This one near the base of your spine is worrying –”

Her eyes zeroed in on it, the knot of scars just above her tailbone. It was fresh in her mind, the overwhelming pressure pinning her down, crushing her. Her cheek ground into the dirt. Her tears staining the earth. Her patterns burning with terror, with rage, with… betrayal?

“– ould have caused paralysis. They healed quite cleanly, all things considered, but the quantity worries me. This much injury to someone so young… it’s not surprising that there was a lasting effect.”

Rumi went deathly silent, head hung low as she stared at a single spot on the floor. She tried and tried to recall moments of her childhood long buried, but something blocked her. Every time she seemed to skim the edge it would slip away like sand between her fingers.

The voices around her faded out to white noise. 

Every breath was strained, laborious.

Rumi felt impossibly small. 

She was a child again, scared, confused, and lonely. An orphan. A demon. Damaged. How does a child reckon with being “broken” before she ever knows the meaning of the word? How does she fix something as intangible as her DNA?

It was a losing battle set upon her before she ever threw her first punch.

Warm breath fanned over her neck. Somewhere far, far away from herself, an incoherent voice pounded at her ears. Then a second. And a third. The words were more shape than sound, recognizable, but not in the way they should be. But she could feel them penetrate the thick fog around her mind. They guided her back to herself, back home, amidst people that loved her unconditionally.

“We’re right here, sweetie.”

“We’ll get through this together.”

“You’re not alone, Rumi.”

The last threads of her composure snapped, and all that was left was Rumi, as raw and vulnerable as she didn’t want to be. Exhaustion wrapped around her like tangled sheets, inviting slumber in one moment and threatening to choke the life from her in the next. She was tired, so unbelievably tired. If she were being honest with herself, there hasn’t been a day in the last decade of her life when she wasn’t tired. Before when she had a goal in mind, it was easier to push through that fatigue. It was easier to grin and bear it. 

But there was no goal anymore. They’d already achieved everything there was to be achieved. Gwi-Ma was gone. The Honmoon was the strongest it’s been in centuries. Everyone was safe. What was left for her then without a goal to reach, without a purpose to justify her existence? Why was she still here? Why was a mistake like her still alive?

Rumi returned to herself, to the body she despised, but to the person her chosen family adored all the same. She came back to the present, to Mira’s lips pressed against her temple, whispering affirmations only she could hear; to Zoey, tracing her patterns, humming a tune that touched her so deeply her soul couldn’t help but harmonize with it; to Bobby knelt before her, hands clasped around her own, an anchor in a tidal wave of emotions. 

They still wanted her here. Despite her messy life, despite all the wrongs in her body that she looked at with contempt, they still wanted her here, alive , even when she didn’t want to live for herself. They chose to be here with her, with all her pain and struggles. They chose her. 

If they could love a mistake, maybe she could learn to do the same.

Slowly, Rumi unwound taut muscles. She let herself breathe in air that wasn’t tainted with bitterness. She let herself be loved, just enough to carry her out of the pit she’d fallen into.

“ – ou still with us?”

She blinked owlishly at the voice beside her. Zoey was watching her, brows knit with worry, as she cocked her head at her. How long had she been trying to talk to her?

“I’m… here. Still here.” Rumi answered.

“Are you okay?”

The question made her skin itch. Guilt and shame slithered around her bones, coiled around her throat like a serpent squeezing the life from her. The longer she sat with it, the harder it was to force herself to nod. She really wasn’t okay, was she? Her friends knew it. Her doctor knew it. Even her own body knew it as she slowly shook her head, the motion feeling entirely right somehow.

She shut her eyes tightly against the tears that formed. A pair of small hands cradled her face, forehead meeting Zoey’s as she let herself be pulled in. “That’s perfectly fine Rumi, it’s okay if you aren’t right now.”

“But I want to be,” she whimpered, tucking her face into Zoey’s palm. “I just want to be okay. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I – I’m so tired, Zo.”

Zoey let go of a shaky exhale, heartbreak clear as the tears in her eyes. “I know, I know you are, and that’s okay too. We’ll help you through this.”

“Whatever it takes,” Mira said, wrapping her arms around both of them.

Bobby gave her hands a squeeze, nodding. “However long it takes.”

It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough. The darkest parts of herself couldn’t help but shrink under the light instilled by their unwavering surety. Rumi smiled at each of them in turn, eyes just shy of defeated. She was stable – not good, but stable. The arms and hands surrounding her slowly withdrew, sensing that she was well enough to hold herself together. Bobby returned to his seat but hovered at the edge, ready to move again if she needed him.

Rumi’s eyes drifted back to the scans glaring at her. “I don’t remember… how any of that happened. Why?”

“I’m sorry to say, but that’s not quite my field of expertise. But if I had to guess…” Dr. Seong motioned to the largest scars on Rumi’s upper back, rapping on it with two knuckles. “It may be another trauma response. When you’re subjected to severe enough pain, or a stressful enough situation, your mind may deem it necessary to suppress the sensations and emotions tied to it. It’s a way to distill that pain, make it more manageable. Your mind may block out certain memories until it feels it’s ready to finally confront them, when you feel ‘safe enough’ to process what happened.”

Rumi didn’t feel totally safe, but compared to before…

“I guess that makes sense,” she relented. “But… what am I supposed to do about that?”

Dr. Seong studied her for a moment, as curious as she was cautious, honing in on the way Rumi’s hands drifted to her friend's laps, the way digits locked together as each gave her a tiny squeeze; the way Rumi squeezed back in return, tension leaving her with the gesture. 

Smiling, the woman leaned back, her own stiff shoulders beginning to relax. “Well, what do you want to do?”

Rumi was taken aback by the question. She wasn’t allowed to want things outside of fulfilling her duty. Desire was a weakness. Desire opened the door for demons to “corrupt” her and thwart her destiny. So she kept them hidden, all her wants and wishes in life, in order to protect the Honmoon. With the freedom that peace brought, with the new Honmoon that finally let them breathe , she could finally explore all those repressed parts of herself. So what did she really want?

Seeing the internal debate play out across her features, Dr. Seong decided to give her an out. “It’s alright if you don’t know right now, there’s no rush. You have all the time in the world to figure it out. There are infinite paths forward and no wrong answers among them, only what does or doesn’t quite work for you. And figuring that out will take time and exploration.”

“Ultimately the one thing I want you to walk away with today is this: you are not your illness,” She stated plainly, as if it were a simple fact of life. “What happened in your past, the things other people inflicted on you – or projected onto you – don’t have to define who you become.”

One by one, she yanked the scans off the wall, tucking them away into a folder. “It’s unfair to expect anyone to handle pain with any sort of grace. That pain can change you, make you bitter or cruel, hateful even. It can make everything feel hopeless, even on gentler days. Finding your way out of that despair can be a daunting task, but I promise you it’s always worth the effort. This is your life, Rumi. You choose what you want it to look like. So…” she met watery eyes with a gentle smile. “Let me ask again. What do you want to do?”

Two squeezes. Rumi let herself smile at the grounding gesture.

Maybe the answer was just that simple. She wanted more of this , more tender moments with the people she loved more than anything. She wanted the time and space to enjoy their company in a way she never thought she was allowed to. She wanted to love them unabashedly, without fear, without doubt, with the confidence that they could love her with the same passion as she did them. 

Rumi wanted to live.

Something in her chest detangled, a feeling she’d suppressed ages ago when she first began to hide herself. She finally dared to hope.

“I want to get better,” Rumi said, sitting a little taller. “I want my life back.”

For the first time, Dr. Seong grinned. “Excellent. Let’s get started, then.”

Chapter Text

She saw it again – the tree. Ribbons dancing in the air above her. A song, a lullaby, soft and sweet, swaddling her in a love she couldn’t remember fully. Little hands, reaching up, uncoordinated fingers grasping for silky fabric over a steady pulse.

Words, muddled together, overlapping, then separate. Two voices, both familiar, one frightening. 

A smile. A frown.

Then nothing.

Rumi woke to a burst of heat between her shoulder blades, above the scars she now knew to be hiding beneath her skin. Arms draped over her midsection, with hands limp on the bed beside her or otherwise tucked against her stomach. She recognized Zoey’s green nails and traced a path from her fingers, along her arms, over her own patterned shoulder, to the girl barely visible behind her. 

Zoey kept her face buried in her back, snoring softly as the morning passed. Rumi couldn’t help but smile fondly at her, finally piecing together that the source of heat was her steady breaths soaking into her skin. Whatever soreness she might have had stored up overnight didn’t stand a chance against such forgiving heat. This kind of pressure, she could get used to.

Behind Zoey, Mira had taken the role of big spoon, sandwiching the smallest between them. She kept one arm tucked beneath the pillows, face comfortably smushed, while her other arm stretched over the two women in front of her. Her eyes flickered beneath unbothered eyelids, watching a dream of her own play out behind them. 

Rumi carefully twisted in their loose embrace, settling back down with a sigh as Mira’s hand tightened on her waist. Things were… different… but not in a bad way; she no longer shied away from lingering touches or wandering eyes. Without the fear of her secret eating away at her she was allowed to just… feel. She was allowed to enjoy the sleepy quiet surrounding them, she was allowed to bask in the warmth radiating off her friends. She was allowed to be close, truly close, in a way she never thought she could be.

Tucking a strand of hair behind Zoey’s ear, she let her hand hover there as the slumbering girl turned her head to seek it out. Her heart fluttered at the thought that she might actually want more contact between them. They’d always been touchy, sure, and Zoey most of all, but Rumi was always hesitant to reciprocate. 

She brushed her knuckles across Zoey’s temple, jumping a little when her eyes suddenly fluttered open. Beautiful brown blinked at her once, twice, then softened with a grin. “Mmmornin’ Mimi.”

With a quiet snort, Rumi narrowed her eyes at her. “Mimi?”

“What? It’s cute,” Zoey yawned, rubbing her face on the pillow beneath her. “Like a little kitten err… something.”

Letting her hand drift lower, Rumi settled her palm on Zoey’s waist, thumb rubbing gentle circles along her ribs. “You can go back to sleep if you’re too tired,” she murmured. “Mira is still out cold.”

Twisting to glance over her shoulder, Zoey grinned wider. “Heh, she’s cute too. Being in the middle kinda rocks.”

“Can’t disagree,” Rumi chuckled.

Zoey let her eyes linger a little longer before looking back at Rumi, studying her face with careful scrutiny. With a bemused glare, she stated simply, “You aren’t going back to sleep.”

Nodding, she wobbled her head in begrudging agreement. “Probably not, no. I need to do some stretches if I wanna function today.”

Part of her treatment plan was consistent stretching or exercise. It didn’t have to be anything nearly as rigorous as their former routines, but any amount of movement would supposedly help in the long run. Being hunters and dancers, this was something they would have to maintain anyways to prepare for the comeback tour; Rumi didn’t have to feel guilty adding another step in their daily routines.

“Uuuugh, but we barely had any cuddle time,” Zoey grumbled, sticking her bottom lip out to pout dramatically. “I only got to enjoy this for like two minutes!”

“We can cuddle more later?” She offered, starting to sit up.

“Fiiine. I guess that’s good too…” Zoey gave herself one more second to lounge before turning back to their third. In a sing-song voice, she hummed her name. “Miiiraaaa.”

She grunted in response, gripping the sheets where Rumi was supposed to be. Curling inward, Mira hid her face in Zoey’s shoulder. “Five more minutes…”

“Sorry, can’t, it’s stretchy time.”

“You two can stay in bed, you don’t have to –”

“Nope! We’re joining you!” She bopped Rumi on the knee, then with the same hand reached back to knock on Mira’s head. “C’mon, wakey wakey! Big day needs big stretches!”

Mira groaned in exasperation, and continued to hold the one-note groan as she slowly sat up like a zombie rising from its coffin. Head knocked back, she rolled her neck to glance at the two of them from the corner of her eye. “Fine, I guess I’ll participate. But only because being alone in bed feels really lame right now.”

Rumi blushed at the implication of that. Little by little she compiled a list of new, exciting things in her mind, with the top two being that Zoey likes being smushed between them, and Mira likes lounging in bed with them – both of them. As much as she wanted to indulge in the growing physicality between them, she needed to focus . They were still friends – just friends. She couldn’t get greedy.

Rocketing out of bed to put space between them, Rumi stood and stretched her arms out wide, letting a muted whine slip at the satisfying pull in her shoulders. It wasn’t the time, yet. They would have plenty of chances to explore… whatever was happening, or whatever she hoped would happen between them, but it wasn’t the time for it. Rumi had too much on her plate and too many issues to sort through; all the affections she had saved up could wait until she had her life in order again.

One by one the girls went about their morning routines in their own rooms, converging in front of Rumi’s door once they were all ready. The trio slipped a note under Bobby’s door, just in case he happened to come looking for them, and left the hotel. It was only a short walk around to a shady garden area adjacent to the pool in the back, and after playfully debating over a spot they finally settled in. There was a flat, grassy patch nestled between two oak trees. The patch of green was walled in by neatly trimmed rose bushes that cut off about waist-high, with flowers ranging from stark white to speckled pink, to a few that were nearly solid fuchsia. Pin-pricks of sunlight dotted the ground as they sat in a triangle, a steady breeze at their backs. 

Together, the girls ran through slow, measured stretches, holding each motion and flex a little longer than usual. They were out of practice, they realized, and far more stiff than they should have been. Days spent lounging or otherwise carrying a truckload of tension were bound to have some lasting effect. Some stretches flowed with practiced ease, allowing Rumi to feel some pride in herself. For others she needed a helping hand to help her bend, or encouraging pushes to make her hold the stretch as long as she needed. It darkened her eyes whenever those difficulties came up, but the girls never let her feel ashamed for it.

About forty minutes had passed when they finally felt limber enough. Rumi ached, but in the right ways. It wasn’t the sharp pains or crushing burns she dreaded most days. These were nothing more than a pleasant hum around her joints, a sign that she was trying , a sign that she was alive.

Leaning back on outstretched arms, Rumi shut her eyes and breathed in deep, savoring the fresh air laced with the faintest traces of perfume from the women beside her. For once she felt at peace with herself. For a few moments in time, it felt like a body she didn’t mind living in. The pain didn’t claw at her insides like a rabid beast, or cling to her skin like a stubborn parasite. She felt next to nothing, and it was pure bliss.

“Someone looks happy,” Mira remarked, balancing her chin on a bent knee. She watched Rumi from beneath the brim of her hat with fondness as the girl smiled dreamily. 

“I am, actually. I can’t remember the last time I just sat outside and enjoyed the day. It feels good.”

“We should do this more often.” Zoey sprawled out and let her fingers rake through the grass. “Just like… go outside. We don’t even have to stretch every time, we can just go for a walk for the fun of it.”

“Aaaand then we get spotted, do an impromptu meet and greet, take a hundred photos –”

“Okay but at least our fans are nice, Mira! It’s not the worst thing in the world when we get recognized!”

Mira shrugged, adjusting her glasses. “True. I’m just saying, there’s been a lot happening lately, and I for one don’t feel like socializing yet.”

She didn’t have to say anything more for them to understand the unsaid truth in her words; their break hadn’t been nearly as refreshing as they hoped it would be. Rumi needed more time to adapt to her new normal, and to the new habits she’d need to form in the days to come. Conversely, Zoey and Mira didn’t want to admit that they weren’t faring much better. Watching their leader struggle day in and day out – physically and emotionally – was taking its toll on them. They needed as much time as they were allowed to regroup before their inevitable return.

Nevermind the fact that they were woefully unprepared for their comeback. Zoey had scraps and half formed ideas, but no songs. Mira had all the steps in mind but no flow between them. Eventually they’d have to double down and work on some sort of plan, but for the time being they had higher priorities on their minds. 

“Well, we can at least enjoy it for today,” Rumi said, “being outside, I mean. It’s our last day here, might as well make the most of it right?”

Zoey, still flat on her back, craned her neck to look at her. “Yes, totally! Got something in mind?” 

“Let’s see… something outside… Bobby mentioned the temples before we flew out here. I think that’s something worth looking into.”

“Finding your spiritual side?” Mira smirked.  

She rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Exploring my options. Like he said, there’s always a chance the temples have something we wouldn’t have thought of. Maybe this is still a demon thing that can be fixed.”

Rumi didn’t believe that, not really. As nice as the idea was, she knew there wouldn’t be such an easy solution to her problems. Still, something about the idea of visiting the temples pulled at her core; from the moment Bobby mentioned them it was like a lightbulb dinged above her head. Something stirred in her chest, but she couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. If there was anything even remotely important about the temples, she couldn’t afford to ignore it.

Zoey was the first on her feet with a dramatic flair. She raised her legs up to nearly fold in on herself, then swung them back towards the ground, springing forward into a squat. Hands on her hips, she grinned from ear to ear at the impressed looks her friends gave her.

“We can play cheesy tourists for the day!” She clapped her hands to her cheeks and gasped. “We can get matching shirts! And hats! And ask a bunch of silly questions –”

Rumi and Mira were caught somewhere between on-board and bemused.

“Okay I’ll ask silly questions! This’ll be so fun!”

Chuffing a short laugh, Mira stood as well and brushed herself off. “Sure, why not? I’m down to see where this goes.”

They each extended a hand to Rumi, and she took them both gratefully. The odd feeling dissipated, soothed by touch alone, and allowed her a little more time to breathe easy. There was no telling how this venture would turn out. In her mind, she hoped that the thing squirming in her chest was just nerves, nothing more.

– – 

Something tugged at her legs like unseen puppet strings lifting her feet, one after the other, ushering her up the steps to the temple. It wasn’t the sight of Zoey excitedly pulling Mira upward ahead of her, or Mira’s good natured ribbing as she humored her, but something intangible, deep within the temple they almost didn’t choose. 

It was the Honmoon that first brought her here. In the process of deciding on which of their several options to explore, fate decided for them. There was a ripple in the barrier, not like the echo of tears as demons broke through, or the shimmering gold they saw when connecting with fans, but something new. Something only Rumi could sense. A wave of ocean blue danced at her feet, bounding down the street, up the mountain and through an outcropping of trees. The wave dispersed, and regathered itself to settle over the ornate rooftops of the temple.

Thus she found herself treading the veil of blue, trying to decipher what exactly it was supposed to mean. Glimmers of iridescence still flashed at her like sunlight glittering on the water’s surface, but the otherworldly blue remained. It was strange, seeing something the other girls couldn’t. Frankly, it was starting to worry her.

She heard the poomph of a parasol, and shortly after felt the sun’s warmth disappear above her. To her left, Bobby wore a cheeky grin as he jostled the handle up and down. “What? Sun damage is very serious to me.”

The parasol itself was a deep violet, with tiny turtles dotting the fabric. Rumi giggled at the sight of it. “Zoey might steal that from you if she ever gets the chance.”

“Eh, I think I can live with that.”

He definitely bought it for Zoey specifically.

Ahead of them, Mira cracked a joke that made Zoey cackle. The taller of the two lurched to cover her mouth, embarrassed as several strangers whipped their heads in their direction. The Honmoon rippled at their feet, the wave spilling down the steps in a waterfall to the base of the staircase. Bobby’s steps faltered for a split second, but it was enough for Rumi to notice.

Seeing the barrier swell around them, she decided to take a chance.

“Bobby? I have a question, if you don’t mind.”

He raised a curious brow, but his smile never wavered. “Shoot!”

Rumi stopped just a step behind him, troubled as she asked, “Can you… see it? The Honmoon?”

His smile slowly relaxed into a hard line, eyes studying her – studying behind her. He shuffled his feet uncomfortably, leveling his gaze at her again. “Not always, but… yeah, sometimes. If I really focus on it, I can see those little threads you three described. Not the whole thing though, I’m uhh, not skilled enough for that, I guess.”

“... what color?”

Bobby blinked as her tone shifted to something more serious. “It’s… all of them? Like a pale rainbow, almost. Why? Is something wrong?”

It was still blue to her, but why? Why was she different?

Shaking her head, Rumi sighed. “No. No, if something was wrong Mira and Zoey would see it too. Just… keep this between us for now? Please? They really need a chill day, I don’t want to stress them out over nothing.”

He was hesitant to hide anything, but with a little extra pleading from Rumi he agreed. Truthfully, he didn’t have enough experience with the Honmoon to know what was or wasn’t right. If Rumi said it was alright, he just had to believe her.

They eventually caught up with the other two, finding Zoey cackling again as Mira wiped her hand furiously against her back. 

“– can’t believe you licked me –”

“YOUR FACE! YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN YOUR FACE!”

Mira wrapped an arm around her heaving shoulders to hold her in place, using her free hand to poke at Zoey’s sides. The surprised squeal and yelp that followed had Mira grinning maniacly as she dragged out her little act of retaliation, long enough for joyful tears to gather in the corners of Zoey’s eyes. 

“Okay uncle, UNCLE! I’M SORRY!”

“Yeah that’s right .” Mira scoffed, finally letting go. Arms crossed over her chest, she glanced over at Rumi with a smirk. “She never stood a chance.”

Zoey, hunched over and panting, raised a finger at Mira. “I totally… could’ve taken you. Easy.” 

“Oh you can, huh?” 

Mira’s predatory grin was all Rumi needed to see to intervene. She stepped between the two with hands out to block from either side in case one of them happened to lunge. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get kicked out of the temple before we even make it inside!”

The girls shared a look, an unspoken challenge, as if testing the other to see who would break first. Somehow, it was neither. Zoey straightened up and stuck out her fist, bumping it with Mira’s in a silent agreement to pick this back up later.

“Truce,” they said in unison, and fell into step either side of Rumi as they all crossed into the temple’s inner courtyard. 

Right away she could feel something was off about this place. Static danced along her spine with every step, and the feeling of eyes on her had her tensing as she scanned around them. The first area they stopped in was constructed with open hallways framing an open-air, rectangular courtyard, with the large gateway on one side and another staircase across the yard from it, leading up to the main hall where its most sacred artefacts were stored. Wooden rails and support beams sported a fresh, brick-red paint job that looked to be recently done, the hue made brighter by the sea-green tiles lining every rooftop. Either side of the path cutting through the center of the courtyard, two massive stone pagodas towered over awestruck visitors below, weathered by time but no less sturdy. 

Something was watching them — watching her — but whether it was human or demon, she couldn’t tell. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t let her settle down. She remained tense as she followed her group, splitting her attention between engaging with them and looking out for potential threats that could ruin their peace.

She smiled for the photos, laughed through the jokes,  but kept her ears open all the while. There was something muted droning in the background, a whimper gagged and smothered; a cry buried in the sand. Rumi couldn’t trace the source, but she knew it was trying to reach her.

They moved through the main hall and came out on the other side to a large, intricate garden. Cobblestone paths wove their way through neat crops of underbrush, little flowers and ferns and thick blankets of moss decorating the floor in coordinated patches. The trees above were trimmed to make a tight-knit canopy that let just enough sunlight through to keep things warmly lit. 

Zoey pointed out a vibrant bushel of lavender and, with a smirk, whispered to Rumi, “Almost as pretty as you.”

It wrenched Rumi out of her stupor with an honest laugh. She gave her a playful shove, tapering off into giggles as the girl skipped away to bounce into Mira. Watching Zoey giggle at another one of Mira’s comments, she wondered just how much she was actually missing, preoccupied as she was. This day was supposed to be for all of them, not just the girls or Bobby, but her too. Rumi was supposed to be enjoying this, enjoying her life, instead of playing guard dog for the few people that didn’t need one.

Rumi inhaled deep, letting all her tension and worries cluster in her chest, and exhaled them in one long breath. She refused to waste this day with them. 

For the rest of their time she was determined to ignore the odd flickers of doubt or worry. She would forget the feeling of eyes digging into her soul, the odd breeze that sent prickles down her spine, and the Honmoon that insisted upon her with every step. Nothing mattered more than making this day a good one, the kind of day her beloved people deserved.

Even as the muscles in her back spasmed painfully, she told herself it didn’t matter.

Even as Bobby was pulled away by an urgent phone call from “the network” as he often stated, she kept herself upbeat.

She wouldn’t let any little mood change ruin her experience.

The third area carried over the relaxed energy of the gardens, offering a place for people to sit together and reflect. There was a little tea shop that offered a variety of drinks and small cakes to its patrons, inviting all to stop and commune after their “spiritual” journey through the temple. It was a perfect spot to pause while they waited for Bobby.

Mira handled the bulk of the ordering, picking a few things she knew their manager would appreciate whenever he returned, then slumped into a shady table while they waited. “I wore the wrong shoes for this,” she moaned. “Worth it though. There’s a lot of good inspiration here.”

“I thought so too!” Zoey produced a mini-notebook from her pocket, already half filled with bullet points and scribbled lyrics. “Okay actually, some of this might not be that good but I think I got a couple bangers in!”

Rumi blinked, mouth agape. “When did you find time to write all that?”

She shrugged nonchalantly, tucking it away again. “Here. There. Everywhere. Half of it is barely legible ‘cause I was writing so fast.” 

In a similar vein, Mira held up her phone and waved the screen at them. “Same. Got a ton of photos back in the little artefact section, I feel like some of it might work for a concept album.”

Rumi’s face pinched in guilt for about half a second before Mira poked her square in the forehead, making her blink again.

“Don’t even start.” Mira smirked. “ You have plenty of time to help us hash this out. It’s our turn to be the workaholics for once.”

Zoey nodded enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear as she patted Rumi’s knee. As much as she wanted to stress and assure them that she would pull her weight in the days to come, she also didn’t have the will to fight them on it. Enjoy the day, she told herself. The time to worry would come later; for now, she was just grateful to have people she could lean on.

Their order finished, and as Zoey took the initiative to grab it something shifted in the air. The hairs on Rumi’s neck stood on end, and the Honmoon gave her a sign she simply couldn’t ignore anymore. The blue shades that veiled every surface condensed into one singular line, a lone blue thread that cut through their table to dart back through the garden. The line pulsed like a heartbeat, drawing Rumi’s attention to an imposing mass that she could feel, but not see. 

Zoey and Mira couldn’t see the glaring sign right in front of them.

Rumi shot up from her seat. At their bewildered looks, she pointed to the main building. “I just need a bathroom. Plus, I’m a little worried Bobby won’t be able to find us. Go ahead and start, I’ll bring him back as soon as I find him.”

Rumi gave each of their hands a squeeze before departing, turning on her heel to venture deeper into the temple. Casually as she went, she passed the restrooms, passed the areas that the public stuck to most, and followed the little path that was laid before her. She followed that feeling, that tug in her chest that urged her forward, the call to hunt. It led her through the main building, along the back walls to a narrow hallway blocked by velvet rope. 

The line pulsed again. 

… God damn it.

She snuck through. Consequences be damned, she was getting to the bottom of this so the Honmoon would stop bothering her and let her enjoy her afternoon! 

Rumi ascended another staircase, and was let out on a plateau that overlooked most of the temple grounds. She could see all the way down to where they entered initially, the trees that formed a neat little rectangle between the rooftops, even to the plaza where her friends were currently waiting. Rumi looked down the slope and spotted Bobby pacing the outer perimeter, shouting animatedly on his phone with broad, sweeping gestures of his hand. Maybe she wouldn’t bug him just yet.

The Honmoon called to her again, sending tingles up her legs as threads of it brushed across her ankles. Growling to herself, she turned on her heel to face it. There was one lone building tucked in the woods that blanketed the mountain face, with a domed top and walls that curved into a cylindrical shape. Inside, a large bronze statue of a god she didn’t recognize smiled down at her. Other gods and figures adorned the walls surrounding him, and for a moment Rumi let herself admire the works of art. Then she saw that royal blue again, darting up to bisect the enormous statue in front of her. She almost reached out again to trace its path from the heavy stone base, but a frail hand shot out to grab her wrist. 

An old man wearing a dark blue jumpsuit patted the back of her hand, then stepped away. He was a foot shorter than her, hunched over and supported on a flat-headed cane, bearing a serene smile and wrinkles formed over decades of peace. The hand that tapped her curled around to rest against the base of his back, and distantly Rumi felt her own spine throb. 

“Please refrain from touching,” he said. “Surprisingly, bronzework can be quite fragile.”

Rumi’s skin tingled, but she ignored the feeling as she bowed to him. “I’m so sorry! I meant no disrespect, I just… I don’t know, I felt drawn here for some reason.”

Nodding sagely, he turned his eyes to the statue’s face. “Yes, yes. Many are drawn here for one reason or another, I cannot fault you for that. If you are meant to be here, then you are meant to be here. So what troubles you, dear?”

“Nothing!”

He raised an eyebrow at her. He seemed pretty harmless as far as people went. Rumi felt a tug in her chest, as if something were trying to pull the words from her throat. Maybe he was the reason she was here?

“Okay, I guess… I was looking…” She sighed, rubbing her arm sheepishly. “I was hoping I’d find answers. So many things have changed in my life lately, I just want to understand why .” 

His gaze shifted back to her as if urging her to continue. He didn’t scold or admonish her for trespassing, nor did he seem to be in any hurry to kick her out. If anything he actually seemed to welcome her presence. And yet, the hairs on her neck and arms still stood on end. A feeling deeply unsettling had taken root in her stomach and wouldn’t leave her. There was still something to be found, there had to be. Why else would that little blue line still be winking at her from the corner of her eye? 

“There has to be some reason for all this, something I’m supposed to learn or, or fix , it can’t just be nothing.” Rumi’s voice tapered off at the end, conviction wavering. What the hell was she doing here? What was the point?

“Not every problem needs a solution. Some things aren’t meant to be fixed.”

“But I –”

“Need fixing?”

She winced. That was the point, wasn’t it? The whole idea behind them coming to the temple in the first place was to search for answers – unconventional answers – to the issue of her broken body. The intent behind following the Honmoon’s signals was to find a tear that needed to be mended, or a demon that needed to be slain, something tangible that she could fix. Maybe that was never the plan, though. Maybe there really wasn’t anything to fix this time.

Maybe, in some odd way, the Honmoon was telling her she didn’t need to be fixed.

She didn’t know if she liked that any better.

“It can’t be easy, always being in the public eye as you are.” At her confusion, he chuckled. “I’m old, not dumb. Your disguise isn’t as good as you think it is.”

Rumi let go of a disbelieving laugh, shaking her head. “Caught red handed. I’m guessing you’re a fan?”

His smile stretched a little wider. “Something like that.”

Hands in her pockets, Rumi centered her gaze on the blue line again. It held steady in its position, splitting the statue in perfect halves as it pulsed once, twice, then faded, leaving the faint shimmers of pearlescence in its wake. There really wasn’t anything here, was there? Just a waste of time.

Beside her, the man shuffled to face her head on. “The world is always telling you to be perfect, flawless, yet the world fails to attain its own perfection. We are hypocrites by nature, critical in the same breath as we are forgiving. Why should we torture ourselves over the world’s expectations?” 

Shoulders sagging, she sighed through her nostrils as she let his words soak in. He had a point, she had to give him that. Still, Rumi couldn’t imagine a world where she just stopped caring what everyone thought of her. She wasn’t allowed to relax when one wrong move could destroy the lives they’ve built for themselves. And however awful it may have been, her self criticism was part of how she managed to achieve such heights. She had no choice but to torture herself, it’s the only way she knew how to exist. 

Her hand skimmed across her neck, tracing the jagged marks that once silenced her song. “I’ve spent so long trying to fix everything — fix myself — because that’s what I was told I had to do. I never imagined a life where I could just… be me. I don’t know how to just be ok with what — with who I am.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder, patting her gently. “Give it time. The longer you live, the more you realize how little those things matter. Other people’s opinions only last so long. Your opinion of yourself is what truly sticks with you.” Giving her a squeeze, he added, “your patterns are nothing to be ashamed of.”

She smiled back at him, nodding resolutely. It was still hard to accept some days, that she could be loved and cherished exactly as she was. Instead of looking at herself with disgust, or wondering who would be next to sneer at the marks on her skin, maybe one day she could finally learn to love her patterns —

Patterns…

Rumi twisted away, brows furrowed. “I never mentioned being ashamed of my… why did you use that word? Patterns . Why call them that?”

His mouth still formed a smile, but his eyes lost any sense of warmth. They were cold and calculating as they bore down on her soul. Still, that smile, that fucking smile , continued to taunt her.

“You know, I really enjoyed your show at the Idol Awards. I could feel the energy all the way from here.”

Rumi tensed at the memory of it. The demons taunting her, her secret revealed, Mira and Zoey turning their blades on her –

His smile grew wider. Why did it feel so wrong?

“That second song was so… so visceral, so… hateful. How did it go… whole life spreading lies, but you can’t hide … I could feel that shame burn you up when the world saw your real face.”

Rumi lowered into a fighting stance, fists raised as she tried to swallow the dread rising in her throat. “Who are you?”

In a sing-song voice he mocked her, voice distorting. “A demon with no feelings don’t deserve to live… it’s so obvious.”

Her back went rigid as he began to morph. Behind red and blue smoke she saw a silhouette grow to three times her size, too many limbs crackling to life, jaws snapping with an otherworldly hunger that made her skin crawl. An enormous, clawed hand shot out to swipe at her, and Rumi realized too late how unprepared she was for this fight.

The demon took the form of a white-furred ape, with four tusks emerging from a yellow-toothed grin. A second pair of arms sprouted from its ribcage, disfiguring a torso that stretched and rippled beneath coarse hairs. Blackened claws tipped each massive paw, glinting at her like blades waiting to flay her open.

An open palm caught her left side, the impact lessened but not fully stopped by her guard. There was still enough force behind it to send her flying, skidding to a stop in the doorway. Eyes blurry, ears ringing, she tried to feel the familiar pull of the Honmoon at her fingertips to summon her sword. Before the blade could form he bounded over in two short strides, bringing a heavy hand down on her spine, caging her in, pinning her down. The ground cracked as its claws flared to lock her down. Its palm easily covered the expanse of her torso as it added steady pressure on the stunned huntress. 

All at once Rumi was small again. Small, and frightened, and lonely, and broken – vertebrae buckling under unforgiving hands, lungs deprived of space to breathe the way a strange voice demanded her to. Little fingers scrambled for purchase in the dirt, trying to claw herself away – no, trying to claw her way towards someone. Towards Celine, watching on the sidelines with hope, and horror, and shame . 

In the present, Rumi began to hyperventilate as the pressure grew. She could feel its rancid breath as it leaned in to growl at her, the sound warping into a cackle in her ears.

“Theeeere it is, there’s that fear. That’s what made your show so tantalizing to me.”

In her memories, a voice murmured to her, don’t be afraid, little one. I’m here to help you.

“That pure, unadulterated terror. I could almost taste it all the way here in my little sanctuary.” He breathed in deep, flicking her braid aside with contempt. “I would have been so angry if Gwi-Ma devoured you in my stead. So I suppose I should thank you, little hunter, for destroying him.”

We’ll destroy the demon that possesses you, just trust me.

“With Gwi-Ma gone the rest of us can finally feed .” He dragged the back of one claw down her cheek, delighting in the way Rumi flinched. “See, Gwi-Ma’s flaw was that he was too greedy. He stole from his armies for centuries, left them starved, left them weak . That’s why he could never win. But me?” He pressed his palm down, pulling a wheeze from Rumi’s lips. “I decided to bide my time. To gather my strength here, little by little, away from his influence, to prepare for the day when I could finally take the throne for myself. And you did half the work for me!”

You may feel weak at first, but you will come out of this stronger than ever before!

“With him gone a new king will rise, and my greatest triumph will be slaying the hunter that purged that pathetic flame from both realms.”

Now, let us purge you of this evil.

The pressure on her back became unbearable. Her patterns roiled under her skin, burning, screaming at her to run, or fight, or do anything at all, but how could she when she was trapped between time? The child in her flailed helplessly at the crackle of fire and electricity tearing into her skin; the present day hunter raked at the barrier helplessly, sword refusing to respond to her call.

“It’s almost too easy. Luring you here with illusions and sweet words… where’s all your fight, little hunter? Where’s the resistance? Could it be…” he sneered, meeting her fearful eye with twisted elation, “yes, you’ve always wanted to die, haven’t you?”

Rumi heard a crack and wondered if it was her spine breaking or her ribs. 

The beast above her snarled. A mangled mass landed in front of her, the broken half of a purple parasol with tiny turtles forcing her mind to catch up to the present.

No

As much as she could she turned her head, craning her neck to look up at Bobby, who was still holding the broken umbrella handle like a dagger in front of him. His knees trembled beneath him. The fear in his eyes betrayed all attempts at bravery. Yet, as Rumi pleaded with him to run away, he never took a single step.

“I’m n-not leaving you, not until you’re safe!” Bobby adjusted his grip, raising the jagged piece of wood a little higher. 

No no no

“Little man… you think that will kill me?” The beast bellowed a long, spiteful laugh. “Even the old hunters couldn’t kill me!”

Rumi’s breath caught in her throat. “C-Celine?”

The pressure lightened, only slightly. He laughed again. “Miyeong. Her and your traitor of a father – lovesick fool, he should have joined me when he had the chance.” He shrugged, licking his teeth. “Well, doesn’t matter now. He died with your whore of a mother –”

Bobby lunged to stab his arm, hoping to force him off of her, only to be grabbed by an uncaring hand. He was easily lifted off the floor, arms pinned to his sides in a vice grip. The demon moved to slam him into the ground and something in Rumi snapped .

The Honmoon answered her call at the same time as a plume of red smoke surrounded her. For the second time in her life Rumi teleported, sword materializing in her hand as she reappeared on top of the demon to stab into his shoulder. With an angry cry he dropped Bobby, and used his free hand to try to dislodge her from his back. Her patterns darkened from their pearly white to a sickening violet, glowing unnaturally bright, and a single amber eye flashed with her roar of defiance. Her clawed hand wrapped around to scratch his cheek open. Fingers hooked on one large tusk, then forced his head to twist unnaturally. Once he was off balance she kicked off of his back, landing beside Bobby as the demon staggered away from them. 

Life and rage and pain toiled under her skin, and all she wanted to do was break something. Her own fangs dug into her tongue as she fought to maintain some shred of composure.

“Rumi?” Bobby called, clutching his chest.. 

Her head snapped to him, the pupil of her discolored eye narrowing to a slit. “Why… are you here?”

“I – the barrier the – the Honmoon! It led me here, I think, the colors were going crazy then there was this blue line and –”

The Honmoon. The fucking Honmoon.

If it made itself loud enough for Bobby to see it, Zoey and Mira wouldn’t be far behind. Rumi just needed to bide her time until they could find them.

“Bobby.”  

He audibly gulped. 

“Go.”

She teleported without another word, behind the demon a second later swiping her blade towards his knees. He managed to dodge, but only barely, and rolled into the treeline. The beast easily snapped a limb off one of the trees above, swinging down as Rumi closed the distance between them. There was no care for the threat of death above her, no concern for the makeshift club that barely missed her skull. Rumi was pure instinct and nothing more, ferocity without strategy. 

Her precious time, wasted on a wannabe king. Her fragile heart, manipulated because she let her guard down. Her beloved friend, nearly killed because of her negligence.

Her mother’s honor, insulted by someone who claimed to know her. She didn’t even know her. 

What gives him the right to say her name?

Rumi teleported again, again, again , aiming for tendons, slicing through flesh and fur, crippling two of his limbs. She felt her blade lodge in bone and abandoned the weapon that failed her. She didn’t need it, didn’t want it.

She didn’t want it to be quick, she wanted it to hurt.

The half-demon barreled into his stomach to knock him back and, with knees firmly planted in his chest, began to swing. Distantly, she realized her patterns had darkened more than when they were first exposed. Her right hand was purple, not with bruises but with an energy she couldn’t contain. Her left was swathed in red – whether it was from herself or from the demon, she couldn’t tell. 

Fangs pricked her bottom lip. Blood dripped off her chin and she grinned, feral with years of pent up hurt and rage that she never let herself feel fully. But here, hidden away in the trees, away from eyes that judged her every step, away from eyes that beheld her with love she didn’t deserve, she could just be .

She could be angry.

She could be unhinged.

She could be a demon .

Rumi never felt so alive.

So when a solid pole pressed into her chest and yanked her back, she was livid. Rumi leaned into it, leaned into the asshole that was trying to deprive her of the outlet she so desperately needed, and sent them both tumbling into the grass. She felt something brush her hand, like strands of silk on across her fingertips, and grabbed.

And paused.

Because the color was all wrong. The strands were pink . 

Rumi saw the faint blue glow of a gokdo she knew as well as her own sword, then her hand twisted into long, pink hair… and Mira pinned below her, guard down, tense but unafraid. 

“Rumi? You with me?” She asked, palms up in surrender.

Another illusion? Another TRICK?

“Heyyy tiger, it’s just me okay? I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. Just needed you to stop.” Slowly, her hands drifted up to cradle Rumi’s face, thumbs swiping across her cheeks. “It’s me. Come back to me Rumi, please. We need you here with us.”

If it was a trick, it was a damn convincing one. Rumi inhaled, the scent of grass and moss and jasmine and Mira filling her lungs. The heat of palms soothing her face was undeniably Mira . The smile given didn’t taunt her, didn’t deceive; there was only love there.

Rumi loosened her grip, letting Mira’s hair fall as she sat back on her haunches. Her breaths were stuttered, shallow, but felt like they held all the fire of the sun in them. She was still angry. She couldn’t remember why, but she was angry. Her knuckles throbbed; her patterns pulsed with too much light in time with her thundering heartbeat. 

A deep, throaty laugh sounded somewhere behind her, reigniting the rage simmering in her stomach. She finally recalled that there was still a demon to maim, and she was poised to do just that when Zoey dropped in from one of the pine trees above them. In a plume of red smoke, the demon vanished, slain by two glowing knives and the raven haired woman wielding them.

A piercing blue line formed in the Honmoon, tearing open just an inch, and all at once Rumi felt the heat leave her body. It was so sudden, so violent that she had to let go of a scream that echoed harshly across the barrier. 

The half-demon – no, the huntress – fainted as the line blinked once, twice, and faded.

Chapter Text

You’ve always wanted to die, haven’t you?

She saw it again — the tree. Ribbons dancing in the air above her. But there was no lullaby this time, rather, a hollow groan as the Honmoon ripped at her feet. Pink embers of spiritual energy swirled through the air, flickering off of every surface, disintegrating in the atmosphere, bathing the world an unholy neon pink. 

She saw her mentor, the tension in her shoulders, the fear dripping off her soul. Sickle in hand, she spun on her heel with a furious cry to face the demon creeping toward her.

Instead, she found Rumi. Her daughter.

Rumi couldn’t meet her eyes, instead fully focused on the sickle in her hand. Will that be enough? she wondered. 

Celine cast the blade aside, and Rumi shuddered where she stood. No, it wouldn’t have worked anyways.

It had to cut deeper than flesh and bone. It had to be more permanent. Rumi drew closer, conjuring her sword against the Honmoon’s protests, and dropped to her knees before her mentor. Head bowed, she offered the sacred weapon back to her.

“Do what you should have done a long time ago… before I destroy what I swore to protect.”

She heard a gasp, but refused to look up. Was it disappointment? Sorrow? Or maybe there was something sweeter to it, something relieved, as if it were breathing out “finally” at the proposition.

“Please… do it.”

The Honmoon cried at her demand.

Rumi was tired. Her friends despised her. Her mother figure looked down at her with disdain. The Honmoon was broken, ripped apart by the voice that should have protected it. She’d failed in every possible way. Her only choice now was to make a graceful exit, and hope that the people she left behind could fix her mistakes.

A hand reached out, deft fingers slowly wrapping around the hilt. The hands were manicured, familiar… they weren’t Celine’s.

The world turned bloody as Rumi forced herself to look up. Painted in shades of red and teal, cold stare made sharper by the glowing blue in her hands, she saw herself wielding the blade. 

Rumi studied the sword curiously, skimming her fingertips along the flat surface, grinning from ear to ear. There were no patterns marring her skin. Her eyes were not mismatched, her hands remained pure and clean. She was human. Just human.

“Celine… do hunters kill all demons?”

Her mentor’s face appeared over Rumi’s shoulder, looking down on the half-demon with contempt. “Yes.”

“So everything that has patterns?”

Rumi looked down at her skin, at the jagged patterns glowing neon purple, pulsing in time with her racing heart. Her clawed hand twitched uselessly in her lap, bracing for what was coming.

“… yes.”

Mismatched eyes drifted shut, and as the sound of her blade slicing through the air drew closer, Rumi smiled.

Finally.

— —

In the waking world she bolted upright with a scream. The room was almost familiar, the bed was almost comforting, but her body felt inexplicably wrong. Empty and cold, out of place, missing something vital that she could have sworn she’d grasped just moments before. 

Her memories came back to her in bits and pieces. The temple, a purple parasol, the thin blue line… the parasol again, crumpled on impact with something too solid to bat an eye. A crushing hand on her back —

No, a gentle hand?

“Rumi?”

The voice was far away from her, muffled by too many walls, too much static in her brain.

“Breathe baby, come on, I’ve got you.”

Breathe? How could she when there was so much pressure on her lungs, when her back felt like it was being wrung out like a towel soaked through with —

Blood.

She remembered blood. Fists and claws bearing down on the demon that fueled her anger. Years of repressed rage, poured out on an unwitting punching bag that offered itself to her like a neatly wrapped gift.

“Can you hear me, Rumi?”

Fingers wrapped in pink hair. The gokdo, lying in the dirt beside them. The gokdo pointing at her, trembling, uncertain —

No no, that’s not right.

That was further, months ago even. Mira wouldn’t do that again, Mira wouldn’t hurt her like… like she wanted to hurt herself.

The dream clung to her with sticky heat, juxtaposed by the cold sweat soaking every inch of her skin. Her heart pounded in her ears as the image of dying by her own hand invaded her vision. She could almost feel the blade slice through her core, splitting her soul in two.

The hand on her back rubbed careful circles over her shirt as a soft voice cooed beside her. “Take one deep breath. Can you do that for me?”

Rumi coughed, letting go of the stale air she was holding, and sucked in a fresh breath greedily. Sputtering, she exhaled and tried again. Was breathing always this hard?

“That’s it, you’re doing great. Just a few more.”

A hand found its way to her diaphragm, warmth coaxing a few more steady breaths out of her. She was coming back to herself slowly, guided by Mira’s patient support, until she didn’t feel so close to passing out again. Rumi leaned into the woman beside her as her eyes clamped shut, trying to will away the mental images haunting her.

Mira pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting go of her own sigh of relief. “Hey you. You had me worried for a second there… how are you feeling?”

Rumi didn’t know how to answer. She felt nauseous from the dream, sore from her fight with the demon, hopeless as thoughts of death whispered to her from every corner of the room. She felt guilty, dreaming of what dying would be like after she was so determined to get better. 

The pain flaring along her spine screeched, lungs spasming as it nearly knocked the wind out of her. Stars obscured her vision, eyes blurring as she blindly reached beside her for something, anything to hold on to. Mira’s hand found hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“Hurts,” Rumi eked out, voice raspy. “Bad. I need, uhm, need my meds, please.”

Mira just barely twisted to reach behind her, grabbing the pill bottle and a water bottle in one hand. “Gotcha covered, just drink slow okay? The last thing we need is for you to choke after you just got your breath back.”

Nodding, Rumi took a few careful sips and got her meds down, stomach still queasy as she sagged into Mira. Dr. Seong had taken her previous bad reactions into account and switched her to something with fewer debilitating side effects.  It would take some time for the pain to subside, but at least she knew these would actually work. 

Her memories were another issue, however. She remembered parts, but not the whole. She didn’t know how they ended up back at the hotel.

Cheek to chest, Rumi peered up at Mira to ask, “What happened to me? Back at the temple, I was fighting…” She recalled getting a handful of Mira’s hair and grimaced. “I’m so sorry, did I hurt you?”

She seemed taken aback by the question, hand reaching up to touch the spot. “That? No, I barely even felt it. Don’t worry, I’m fine.”

Mira adjusted their positions so Rumi could rest against the headboard, and shuffled herself to face her so she wouldn’t have to crane her neck. “Zoey and I were waiting for you and Bobby for a while. She started getting impatient and called Bobby first to see if you two had met up, and that’s when we felt it. The Honmoon practically screamed at us, and Bobby… Bobby knew. He knew you were in trouble and hung up before we could figure out where he was. We knew he’d be gunning for you though, so we just tried to get to you as fast as we could.”

“Is he…?”

“His umbrella is trashed but Bobby is okay, not even a scratch on him. He and Zoey are out getting food right now.”

Relief washed over her as she tilted her head back, knocking against the wood. For once, she did something right. She kept him safe.

“We’re worried about you though, Rumi.” 

Tensing, she forced herself to meet Mira’s steely gaze, finding a mix of fear and apprehension in her expression.

“You changed. Your patterns changed like… you went demon again.” Mira put her hands up defensively. “And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, just… you told us you couldn’t, y’know, feel it anymore. We didn’t think you could still use those powers.”

Eyes wide, Rumi stared down at her hands, scraped and bruised, resting in her lap. They were back to normal, but she could vaguely remember the emergence of claws and demonic energy buzzing between her fingers. It was familiar, like seeing an old friend for the first time in years. The patterns across her arms were back to pearlescent, but she remembered the wrath that darkened them during the fight.

“I didn’t either,” she admitted, flexing her fingers. “I did all that without thinking, it just happened.” Feeling a shiver rip through her, Rumi held herself. “How did the fight end?”

Mira studied her warily, sighing through her nostrils. “I pulled you off while you were beating the hell out of that demon. Zoey slayed it before you had a chance to pounce again, then… I don’t know, you just shrieked Rumi, I’ve never heard you scream like that, even back at the Idol Awards.” Misty eyed, she grabbed a fistful of the blankets to ground herself. “God, it sounded like you were dying. You passed out, and all your demon features receded. Then we brought you back here. It’s been a few hours now… the Honmoon has been quiet. I don’t think there will be any other attacks.”

So they won, but not without a struggle. Rumi could live with that. 

Her demon made an appearance, then vanished again. That was harder to stomach.

She searched herself, heart and soul, trying to find any little wisp that might remain of the inhuman presence she’d lived with all her life. 

Not even a trace.

“I don’t… I don’t feel it, not anymore. I did during the fight but now…” Sitting a little straighter, Rumi combed her nails through her hair, finding it down and loose from the braid it was in before. “What does that mean? Why would it come back just for that?”

“I don’t know, Ru, I really don’t. We’ll figure this out though okay?”

“I… okay.”

“Good.” Mira’s face flashed with something darker — guilt? Dread? “We’ve got more to talk about, but it can wait. You’ve been shaking for a while now, are you cold? I can run a bath if you want.”

She looked down at herself again. Fuck, she really was shivering. Nodding sluggishly, Rumi pulled the blankets up over her legs. “Please.”

Mira let her gaze linger a little longer before standing, leaving Rumi alone while she disappeared into the bathroom. In the time it took for Mira to fill the tub, Rumi let her mind wander. Of all the memories plaguing her then, the nightmare continued to invade the forefront of her mind.

You’ve always wanted to die

It wasn’t always the thought of killing herself. Some days it was more passive, a fleeting thought of a demon getting the best of her, or an accident claiming her life. Some days, she wondered if it would really be so bad if she just didn’t wake up. It would be easier that way, wouldn’t it? Painless. Quiet. Peaceful. She could just… disappear. 

Going to Celine that day was the one time she acted on those desires. 

Her friends didn’t know how close she came to that point of no return. Rumi was still hiding, and as always those secrets were rearing their ugly heads without her having any control over them. Her secrets were being uncovered against her will, by people that existed outside of her inner circle. 

How long would it take for another demon to come along and tell them how she begged to die?

Terror dug a pit in her stomach and settled there. What if this was the final straw, the last crack in their foundations that would tear them apart? What if this secret was the one that would break them?

Rumi shuffled to the edge of the bed, fingers digging into the plush material as her vision tunneled. She had to tell them, she had to! It had to come from her. If they found out from someone else first, she didn’t know how she’d handle that — how they would handle that.

She could control this, she just had to be honest.

But fuck this was hard to face.

Unbeknownst to her Mira had settled beside her once more, a careful hand finding purchase on Rumi’s back. “Hey, hey, you’re alright. Breathe with me.”

Rumi nodded once, then switched to shaking her head, more and more aggressively as she struggled to calm down. Head hung low, she whispered, “I need help.”

The words carried double-meaning that she couldn’t quite convey. She didn’t know how to handle the twisted, vile truth that broiled in her chest, nor the panic that was building as she committed herself to finally telling them what happened. The arms around her burned with too much love, too much care. She didn’t deserve them.

“I’m gonna pick you up, okay?”

Rumi choked down sobs and nodded, unable to form words. Shortly after she was lifted into steady arms, and ferried off to the bathroom where hopefully she could forget her worries for a little while.

Mira set her down on the counter, hands coming up to cradle her face as she brought their foreheads together. “Ssh, here you go, I’ve got you. Whatever’s going on in your head, we can take care of it later. For now, let’s get you warmed up. Can you change on your own?”

If she were being honest, she didn’t trust herself to stand on her own two feet. Rumi slid off the counter, swaying as she leaned into Mira. Burying her face in her neck, she clung to the taller woman and waited. She could almost feel the tease coming, but Mira held her tongue as she helped her strip down. Careful hands skimmed across her skin along with murmurs of encouragement, and Rumi found herself enjoying the contact a little too much. She was blushing down to her shoulders by the time she was ready to climb into the tub. Bubbles frothed at the surface along with a sweet, floral scent, and Rumi could feel her body warm up from the moment she submerged herself. She rested her head against the edge of the tub as she let her breaths even out again.

Fingers combed through her hair; unconsciously, she pushed her head into the gentle touch. “Feeling good?”

“Mmhm.”

“Want me to stay?”

Rumi blushed but didn’t hesitate to say, “Please.”

She didn’t need anything more than that. Mira settled in on a short stool, legs stretched out and crossed parallel to the side of the tub as she leaned back against the wall. Her fingers continued to comb along Rumi’s scalp, sending pleasant shivers down her spine that slowly worked the tightness out of her. She still felt heavy, but the pain was receding as the hot water and medication worked in tandem.

They let the quiet hang between them, comfortably basking in each other’s company. Rumi let herself study Mira, who was busy typing something rapid-fire with a single thumb on her phone. The corner of her mouth was quirked up ever so slightly, a playful glint in her eye during the brief exchange.

“So…” Rumi began.

“So?”

“You called me baby earlier. That was new.”

Mira nearly dropped her phone. Face scrunched, she peeked at Rumi from the corner of her eye. Pulling her hand from Rumi’s hair, she slowly turned toward her. “You heard that?”

“I did. Was I not supposed to?”

She scanned Rumi up and down, letting her tense posture relax a little. “You were… but did you… y’know, like it?”

It wasn’t like Mira to be so shy about something. Rumi was tempted to tease her about it, but seeing the small ting of worry on her brow, she decided against it.

“I certainly didn’t mind it.” Rumi tilted her head towards her, a silent request forming. “I’ve noticed a lot more pet names lately, especially from you. It’s a nice change.”

Mira could read her like an open book, not that Rumi made it very difficult. Her hand found its way back to her wavy hair, combing through as Rumi melted into her touch with a pleased sigh.

“Soooo I can keep using them?”

“Depends, do I get to use some too?” Rumi asked, batting her lashes.

A faint blush tinged Mira’s cheeks. Her hand froze for a few seconds before returning to their task. “I mean yeah I guess, if you want…”

A loud ding sounded in her lap. Mira snickered and pointed the phone at Rumi, showing her ongoing chat with Zoey. Beneath a gif of three dancing turtles, their friend said “TELL RUMI TO GET HER TUMMY READY! WE GOT KIMBAP FOR DAYZZZ!!!”

It warmed her chest more than the bath ever could. “Aww, tell Zoey I said thanks… baby.”

Mira flushed as pink as her hair. Rumi had to bite back every urge to giggle as her friend floundered beside her. Her heart swelled with so much love, so much gratitude, she almost couldn’t contain it. 

Soon, she told herself. I’ll tell them soon.

A little while later the suite door clicked open. Zoey and Bobby announced themselves with a shout, and Zoey peeked her head into the bathroom a few seconds after.

“Hey you twwhOAH!” She covered her eyes with a nervous laugh, realizing Rumi was still naked in the tub. “Sorry, uuuuh, didn’t mean to — we got — there’s food! On the table!”

Chuckling, Rumi waved her over. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked, Zo. Don’t be so modest, come here.”

Eyes uncovered, cheeks flushed, Zoey poked her head back out to say something to Bobby, then shut the door. She tiptoed toward them and carefully sat on the edge of the tub, taking a moment to study Rumi’s face. She looked troubled, like a thousand worries sat on the tip of her tongue.

“Hey, sooo Mira told me you had a rough wakeup. How you feelin’, Rumi?” Zoey asked, letting her fingertips skim the water.

Rumi reached up, hooking her pinky with Zoey’s as she shrugged. “M’okay. I think… I’d like to talk about it, later, I just need some time to get my thoughts together.”

One thing would lead into the other. She’d talk about it, all of it, she just needed to find the right words.

“Of course! No rush at all, we can eat and relax a little before we get into it!” 

Mira exchanged a look and nod with Zoey, tucked her phone away, and stood. “I’m gonna get you some clothes, Ru. Be back in a sec.”

“Oh… okay. Thanks.”

Zoey shuffled to take Mira’s place, down to combing her fingers through Rumi’s hair. “Do you want help washing this?”

As nice as it was to soak in the warmth, Rumi was a little tired of staying hunched up in the bath. Nevermind the fact that her stomach was grumbling uncomfortably. She agreed, and Zoey happily busied herself with washing the luxurious locks she shamelessly fawned over. 

She was in the midst of lathering shampoo into her scalp when she posed a question with a playful lilt. “So… baby, huh?”

Rumi laughed in earnest. “She actually told you that?”

“Uuuum, YES? You better believe I want in on this too!”

Leaning into her touch, she let her shoulders sag and tilted her head back, somehow more relaxed than when she first got in. “Wouldn’t dream of leaving you out, Zo.”

It took a while to wash in its entirety, but by the time Zoey was done with her hair Mira had returned with a bundle of clothes and a soda in hand, sipping away as she watched Rumi tilt her head back for one last rinse. She finished the bath and let it drain, rinsing the last suds off before silently extending her arm for a hand out of the tub. 

She dried and dressed on steadier feet, layered in soft, baggy clothes that helped her hold the heat of her bath just that much longer. It took her a moment to realize most of the clothes weren’t even hers. The pajama pants, yes, but the t-shirt was definitely Zoey’s, and the sweatshirt over top was unmistakably Mira’s. Amused and only slightly bewildered, Rumi raised a brow at Mira and pinched the fabric as if to ask “why?”

She only shrugged in response, averting her gaze as a smug smile formed on her lips.

They’re really not making this easy for me, are they?

With one last helping hand to bundle her hair up in a towel, she left the bathroom with the girls on her heels. Bobby was waiting at the desk by the windows, one leg crossed over the other as he wrapped up his phone call.

“ — yes, I’m sure. This extension is non-negotiable! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other matters to tend to.” Phone shut off and silenced, Bobby greeted Rumi with a little more exuberance than usual. “There’s our superstar! Doing a little better?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. Something was wrong. His smile strained at the edges, shoulders stiff with the weight of unspoken worries. Sorrow dimmed his eyes as he schooled his features into a tragic, desperate grin that she recognized.

She’d seen it in Celine, once upon a time.

The timeline finally clicked in her head. Bobby came to her rescue not long after the demon revealed that twisted truth. 

He heard everything.

It should have been more unsettling, but somehow the revelation was comforting to her. He knew the implications behind the demon’s taunts. He knew, but he still stayed. He knew, but he was still being supportive. 

There was no judgement in his eyes, just an overbearing sadness that made Rumi’s chest ache.

I’m sorry I put you through this.

Slapping his hands on his thighs, Bobby carried on as if nothing was wrong. “I don’t know about you girls but I am starving! Eat up, it’s been a long day and dinner is calling our names!”

Rumi hung back as her girls tackled the food first, giving one last grateful look to Bobby before digging in herself. There would be time to talk after. For now, she was just happy to have one last peaceful moment for the day.

— —

Surprisingly enough, Rumi wasn’t the one to bridge them into the heavy talks after they finished eating. 

Leaning forward in his chair, elbows propped on his knees and hands steepled in front of him, Bobby addressed Rumi first. “So… while you were resting, the girls and I talked. We agreed to extend the hiatus a little longer. I already made the call, that’s what you heard when you came out of the bathroom.”

Sputtering on her drink, Rumi gawked at him. “What?! Bobby, we still had a whole month, that’s plenty of time for us to work on the comeback tour!”

“Maybe, but that’s not why I extended it.” With a grave expression, he clasped his hands together as they trembled. “We need to talk, Rumi.”

She inhaled sharply, letting her eyes flicker to Mira on her left, and Zoey on her right. They were all seated in a diamond shape, with Rumi at the head of the bed, Bobby at the foot, and the girls spread out diagonally from them. All their eyes were on her, and in a fleeting thought she wondered if her girls knew, too. The thought alone made her chest seize. 

Zoey was the first to speak. “You just got your diagnosis. With how we work, a month might seem like a lot of time to get used to this, but be honest, Ru. Do you really feel ready to go back to performing right now?”

They didn’t have a choice, they had to go back, slacking wasn’t an option. Clearly the events of the day proved that the new Honmoon wasn’t fool-proof; demons on this side were still able to roam free. The hunters were still needed after all. This was the life chosen for them, a life in the limelight uniting the people while also protecting them from the unseen realm. 

“We can take our time,” Zoey continued, seeing the conflict play out on her features. “We’ll make sure our next tour is perfect for them, the fans will understand. Rushing it while you’re still getting back on your feet just won’t work, you know that.”

Mira leaned back, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Plus, we need to plan things in a way that will let you rest between shows. We don’t want to push you too fast too soon when you’re still getting used to… you know.” Her face pulled into a grimace. “And now we need to figure out what’s going on with your demon half, too. Find you a healthier way to channel it.”

“If I even can,” Rumi muttered.

Zoey brushed past the bitter comment, placing a hand on her shoulder to ground her. “The point is, we’re juggling too much right now. We need more time to figure all of this out.”

She chewed her lip as she mulled it over. What they were saying made sense, it did, but she didn’t like it. She didn’t like that they were forced to reschedule because of her.

Brows furrowed, she looked to Bobby again. He was quiet, contemplative, watching her cautiously as he stewed in his own thoughts. “Your well being is the most important thing to us right now, Rumi. If anything is jeopardizing your health, physically or mentally, then… then we need to discuss that, and figure out how to move forward safely. I’m not letting any of you perform until I have that assurance.”

At this, the other two turned to him with confused stares. He never shifted his gaze from Rumi, carrying out a whole conversation with her without another word. He knew of the implications that demon made, the hint to her being suicidal, but the girls didn’t. He was opening the floor to her, inviting her to speak only if she felt ready to. He wouldn’t force it, even as that hopeful spark in his eyes begged her to tell him he was wrong.

She couldn’t.

This conversation needed to happen. Rumi couldn’t stall anymore.

… but damn did she want to.

With a shaky breath, Rumi set her drink aside to free up her hands. She extended one to Zoey, the other to Mira, trembling all the while. 

I don’t want to do this.

She could already feel the tears forming.

I don’t want to let you down.

Her friends laced their fingers with hers, giving her a squeeze. 

“We’re with you,” Zoey told her, smiling softly.

“What’s going on, Rumi?” Mira asked, bringing her hand into her lap.

She looked at Bobby one last time. He smiled too, steadfast, nodding at her with a prideful tear in his eye. 

Rumi struggled for a starting point. There was no easy way to say it, no perfect start that would make the pill go down smoother. She just had to do it.

“I didn’t tell you what happened… after we…” She paused for a shaky breath. “Before I found you at Namsan, I went to Celine. You know that part. But you don’t know why I went to her.”

Deep breath in. Out. In again. Keep it together.

Rumi swallowed the lump in her throat. The darkness swirling in her head was forced down with it, caged in her chest and covered with a blanket of numbness. She shut down, just like she always did. Just like she learned as a child. It was the only way she knew to stay in control of the emotions thundering through her.

Voice flat, dejected, she began again. “A long time ago, Celine told me… she — she promised me, the Golden Honmoon would fix everything. My patterns would be erased and… I would be free. Free of my demon, my sins, my shame… but that was never going to work. This,” she pulled her hands away to gesture to her patterns, then clutched her chest. It felt like her heart was going to burst. “This is a part of me whether I like it or not. And when you two saw, when they grew out of control, when I broke the Honmoon, I — I couldn’t see another way out.”

Stop stalling!

“I went to her because… b-because, I… you have to understand, I thought I had no choice! Everything was falling apart because of — because of me. There was only one thing I could do to fix it…”

Mira inhaled sharply, sitting a little straighter. Zoey was still puzzled, but a quiet terror gripped her heart when she saw the look on her face. 

“What did you do,” Mira asked, voice barely a whisper. 

There was something pleading to it, a different question layered beneath that Rumi felt more than heard. Mira, perceptive as she was, had figured it out.

“Hunters kill all demons, all demons.” Rumi shut her eyes, recalling the old mantra bored into her from the time she was a child. “That’s what we were all taught. So when the world saw me for what I really was… when I saw how destructive I could really be… I told Celine to kill me, before I could destroy anything else.”

The silence between them was oppressive, crushing, sucking any feeling of warmth or comfort out of the room. Rumi’s heart pounded in her ears as she waited for them to respond, to lash out in anger or disgust, to reject her the way Celine always told her they would. She bit the inside of her cheek, mouth filling with a coppery taste as she slowly dragged her eyes upward. The sight of her friends nearly sent her reeling, with pinpoint pupils and eyes brimming with tears, barely containing their heartbreak. It almost shattered her resolve. Almost.

Rumi had already uncorked the proverbial bottle, there was no stopping this now.

“She wouldn’t do it — couldn’t do it. She refused, but I was supposed to die, I was always supposed to die! I knew it from the moment Celine first started training me. I shouldn’t even exist!” She was grinning, manic and joyless as she rattled out a half-laugh, half-sob. “I mean come on, a half-demon huntress? I’m a mistake, I’m not supposed to be here, I wasn’t supposed to be born, I don’t —” 

I don’t deserve to live.

Sniffling, Rumi dropped her head, vision blurring at the edges. “I don’t know how to live with this, how to… how to live with myself… how can anyone? It feels impossible to love anything about me.”

“It’s not!” Mira lurched forward to hold her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Sweetheart, loving you is the easiest thing in the world to us.”

“B-but Celine —“

“Fuck Celine!” Zoey shouted, making both girls gawk at her. Somehow Rumi found it in her to giggle.

“Yeah, fuck Celine,” Mira agreed. 

Zoey hardened her expression to something stubbornly determined. “Rumi, no matter what she told you, no matter what she let you believe all those years, you are not impossible to love, okay? Maybe that’s hard to believe right now but it’s the truth. We wouldn’t lie to you about that.” She pitched forward onto her knees and wrapped Rumi up in a hug, hand cradling the back of her head. “You belong right here with us.”

Mira joined shortly after, arms stretching around both to squeeze them all together. “You’re not a mistake. You never were.”

“I know it’s hard, it’s really fucking hard, but please,” Zoey’s voice cracked on her honest plea, “don’t think so badly of yourself anymore. You don’t deserve that.”

Rumi clung to them, face tucked in the crook between their shoulders as she shook. She was barely holding it together, fighting back the urge to weep in the face of an unconditional love she’d never experienced. “I’m trying, I am, but I’ve only ever known how to hate myself, and the thought of you two hating me that same way… I don’t blame either of you for how you reacted back then, none of this was your fault. Everything just felt so hopeless,” Rumi whispered, voice hoarse. “I was so afraid of hurting you two, l-losing you two, I didn’t know what else to do. I just needed it all to stop.”

“You’ll never lose us,” Zoey assured her, “we won’t leave you again.”

Mira peppered kisses over her head. “We love you, all of you. If we do anything that makes you doubt that tell us, please, I can’t stand the thought of you going through this again.”

Nodding, Rumi clung to them tighter. “I will.”

It was a little bandaid on a gaping wound, but it was enough. Rumi relaxed into their embrace, letting relief settle into her bones as the heavy atmosphere lightened around them. She pressed a kiss to each of their shoulders before parting from them. 

Her body was thrumming with nervous energy, but for the moment she was content in their company. The rejection she was bracing for never came; all she felt was love and understanding, enough to fill all the crags and cracks in her being. For once, Rumi didn’t feel so lonely in her grief.

Bobby passed a box of tissues across the bed, wiping the last of his own tears away as he straightened his jacket. Meeting Rumi’s eyes, he gave her a proud nod. “Rumi, I can’t imagine how difficult things have been for you. Those kinds of feelings, they’re awful to deal with alone. So whatever you need, we’ll be here for you. Just… please, tell us right away when you’re feeling like this. We’ll drop everything if we need to —”

Rumi’s face pinched with guilt.

“ — and don’t feel guilty asking for help! I mean it!”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. “Okay, okay, you got me. I’ll tell you, promise.”

“Good!” Bobby checked his watch. “Zoey? Mira? Are you two okay?”

Mira gave him a wobbly shrug. Zoey shot him two thumbs up, still hiccuping through sobs. 

“Alright then… I think we’ve all had enough excitement for one day. I’m gonna head to bed. You three get some rest too when you can, we’ve got an early flight back to Seoul tomorrow.”

He gave each a loving hug, letting Rumi’s hug linger a little longer before backing away. Making his way for the door, Bobby briefly turned to wave on his way out. “Love you girls! See you in the morning!”

“Goodnight Bobby!”

As soon as the door clicked shut, Zoey was back on Rumi in an instant, bringing Rumi’s hands up to kiss her knuckles. “Tell me that was the only time.”

“I — what?”

“Tell me that was the only time you t-tried to…”

“Oh!” Rumi’s eyes softened, and she cradled Zoey’s hands to her chest. “Yes, that was the only time. I’ve never tried to… I never made an attempt, before that. And I never hurt myself either if that helps.”

“Ohthankgoodness.” Zoey deflated, groaning in relief. 

Mira gave her a comforting pat on the back as she took over. “Bobby already said it but thank you, for confiding in us. I know that wasn’t easy. Are you… how are you feeling right now?”

The question made her pause. She was numb, but not unpleasantly so. Pouring out so much of herself at once left her feeling drained, exhaustion starting to set in around her eyes. Rumi felt lighter though without the weight of that last secret bearing down on her. 

“I’m okay, no dark thoughts or anything. I’m just glad it’s finally out in the open.” Glancing off to the side, she rubbed the back of her neck as she added, “I don’t think I could’ve handled it if you didn’t hear all that from me.”

Mira shook her head slowly, anger simmering at the thought of their mentor. “It makes sense why you’ve been avoiding Celine, now. I’m sure she would’ve been real helpful.” She said, voice dripping with venom.

“Yeah, about that…” Rumi felt both of their eyes snap to her immediately. She put both of her hands up in a placating gesture. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. But I think… I do need to talk to Celine when we get back. Not just about this but about my past, too.”

Zoey and Mira exchanged a look. 

“Is it about your scars?”

Nodding, Rumi continued. “That, my memories, my mom… there’s too many gaps to fill, and she’s the only one who can help with that. I can’t move on until I know everything.”

I can’t heal until I know why I’m broken in the first place.

“I guess we know what our next trip is,” Mira said. 

“I can go alone if you don’t want —”

“Nope.”

“NO WAY!”

“Absolutely not.”

Rumi blinked at the quick-fire responses. 

“We trust you, but we are not letting you go alone,” Zoey said, fresh tears brimming. “Not again.”

Mira put an arm around her, rubbing her shoulder as she tacked on, “We don’t have to be there when you two talk, if that’ll make you more comfortable. But you better believe we’re staying close until you’re done.”

She relented with a single bob of her head. Frankly, she didn’t want to go without them anyways, she just needed to give them an out. Force of habit, she supposed.

“NOW!” Mira clapped her hands together. “I don’t know about you two but I need some serious skin care. I demand spa time before we knock the fuck out.”

Zoey squealed in excitement despite the formerly heavy atmosphere surrounding them. Before they knew it the girl was zipping out of Rumi’s room, likely off to gather beauty supplies. Mira took the chance to plant a firm kiss on Rumi’s cheek, smirking at the blush that tinged her face as she parted from her.

“Thank you for staying,” she whispered, and rose from the bed. 

Rumi was left stunned as the girls cleaned what was left of their takeout, then set up for their own personal spa session. Together, the trio unwound in a way only they could, helping each other through familiar routines with new touches made possible by the closeness they now shared. Mani-pedi’s, face masks, and every possible eye treatment to combat the puffiness they each carried… they went through the whole nine yards to pamper themselves for the night.  

It was quiet. Intimate. Things were still tense between them as uncertainty haunted their every touch, but they never strayed too far from one another. They all needed it, the assurance that none of them would disappear.

As they all piled into bed for the night, Rumi relished in the way she was held between them. Zoey and Mira snuggled in on either side, legs tangling with hers, arms anchoring her in place as if she would float away if they didn’t. The darkness didn’t feel so oppressive with them shielding her.

Rumi wanted to tell them. She wanted to tell them how much they meant to her, how much she loved them, but it wasn’t the right time. 

There was one more hurdle to cross before she could, one last grievance to clear before she would feel ready.

Tomorrow, she would face Celine.

Beyond that, well… the rest of her life was waiting to begin.

Chapter Text

Tall grass swept across her legs as she trudged up the hill. The incline was slight enough that she could climb it without getting winded, and there was a constant, pleasant breeze to balance the sun’s heat. The scenery hardly ever changed; a wildflower here, a weed there, and every once in a while a stray critter scampering through. By all standards it was a beautiful day.

The trek never got any easier, though. It was never the terrain, the weather or the distance that made it difficult; the struggle was the destination, the person waiting for her at the end. 

The ever-present reminder of her failures.

Celine had been coming back here every week for years, and her steps still weighed heavy each visit. 

Teapot in one hand and a picnic basket in the other, she found herself in front of Miyeong’s grave once again. She set everything out on a short folding table, pouring a cup of tea for herself as she sat cross legged before her old friend. Incense was lit, and a little plate of fruits were left at the base of her headstone.

She took a sip, letting the warmth seep into her soul, then chuckled joylessly. “You must be scolding me right about now… I’d imagine you have been for a while. I certainly deserve it.”

Celine tilted her head back, watching a wispy cloud roll by to shade her from the sun. “I wish you were here to tell me in person how wrong I was. About all of it.”

The Honmoon shimmered beneath her, making her clutch the cup tighter. “Do you think she’ll forgive me, Miyeong? Or will I lose her, too?”

Three mismatched sets of footsteps crunched through the dirt, coming to a stop just a few feet behind her. Celine gathered herself and stood, already knowing who to expect. They didn’t need to call or announce themselves, she always felt the shift in the air when they stepped foot in the sanctuary.

For her adopted daughter especially, the Honmoon seemed to sing whenever she was near.

Rumi stood at the center, Zoey and Mira stone-faced on either side of her. Celine let go of a sigh of relief seeing that they were still holding strong despite Rumi’s patterns being on full display. 

“I was hoping you’d come back,” she admitted, hands folded in front of her. “After what happened last time, I wasn’t sure…”

Her eyes flickered to Mira, whose brow furrowed with quiet anger, then to Zoey, crestfallen as she shuffled her feet. Rumi took each of their hands, the gesture comforting them as much as it did her. Rumi gave their mentor the smallest nod, lips pressed into a hard line at the memory of their last meeting.

“I see. So they know, then.”

“They do,” Rumi responded. “They know what I asked of you.”

“Rumi –”

“We’ll talk about it, we – we will, but I have another reason for being here.”

Standing a little taller, Rumi braced herself for resistance, for the patronizing deflection she’d grown so used to. Instead Celine stepped aside, showing the girls a little table with four teacups and a plate stacked with treats. 

“I had a feeling I’d need extra today. Come sit, please. Let’s talk,” she said, waiting with bated breath for the girls to move.

Slowly, they obliged. Rumi sat with her back to her mother’s grave, giving her a quick bow before she settled in. Zoey sat to her right, Mira to her left, and Celine across from her. Their mentor poured a cup for each of them before setting the teapot aside, folding her hands in her lap neatly as she turned to her adoptive daughter.

“How are you doing, dear?” She asked, the unsaid question dangling between them.

“I’m… better. Mentally, at least. Zoey and Mira have been helping me with that.” 

The breeze almost seemed to whisper in Celine’s ear, ‘helping me where you couldn’t.’

Celine nodded to herself, eyes slowly drifting over Rumi’s shoulder to land on her mother’s grave. I should have been there, she thought, for both of you.

“I’m here today to assure you that that won’t happen again.” Rumi tugged at the edge of her sleeves, face falling with guilt. “And to apologize. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you for that.” Before Celine could offer any comfort or retort, she continued. “But I am going to ask you for something else today, and I need you to answer me honestly. No more hiding, no more lies. If you can’t give me that, then… then I don’t think there’s anything more to be gained here.”

Celine took a long drink, coming away with sagging shoulders and a nod of resignation. “Okay. Tell me then, what do you need?”

The woman’s readiness stunned her. There was no deflection, no delay. Rumi didn’t know how to respond to the level of receptiveness she was being given. Little by little the tension in her chest unknotted itself, and she found the words with some trepidation.

“I – I need…” She took a breath. “I need you to tell me everything . About my mother, my father… and me. Something happened when I was a kid, something you won’t talk about, something I can’t remember.” A shudder raked its way down her spine at the vague sensations she could recall. “I had to see a doctor, and we found something I can’t explain.”

Brows knit together, Celine leaned in closer. “Not one of our doctors?”

“Would they have given me a straight answer if I did?”

The poignant pause said everything.

“Exactly. No, Bobby found someone that could be more honest with me –”

In the back of her mind, Celine filled in the words unspoken. ‘The way you refused to be.’

“ – and she figured out that I have fibromyalgia.” Celine’s face fell, and Rumi couldn’t help but sneer. “Yeah… we don’t know exactly what caused it, what the ‘trigger’ was, but she found scars along my spine that have been there since I was a child. There’s a chance that’s what did it but we can’t know for sure. The thing is… I can’t remember what left those scars in the first place.”

Dread crept up the woman’s ribs as her old secrets began to surface. One of her greatest regrets – right up there with failing Miyeong decades before – had made itself impossible to ignore. She wished she could take it all back.

“What happened, Celine?” Rumi held herself, eyes wild as too many questions tumbled out of her at once. “What happened to me when I was little? What happened to my mother, my father, wh-why don’t we ever talk about them? What aren’t you telling me? Why couldn’t you trust me with the truth?”

The ache behind every question was palpable. Zoey and Mira slid closer, hands coming to rest on her back as she crumpled in on herself.

What have I done to you, my sweet girl?

Celine reached across the table, palm up, and waited. Rumi was wary at first, but took the hand that was offered to her. 

“I can answer all your questions now and that can be the end of it, if you want it to be.” Celine’s eyes flickered to Miyeong’s grave, then back to Rumi, who was squeezing her hand like a stress ball. “Or, I can start from the beginning, and all those answers will come with time. What would you prefer, Rumi?”

“... the beginning. Please. ”

Celine breathed in deep, and let the Honmoon’s light soothe her as she pulled away. “Okay.”

Hands skimming across the dirt, she felt the Honmoon rise up to greet her, threads draping over her fingers as she began. “We were young, not much older than the three of you are now. We were just starting our second world tour when a large tear opened in the Honmoon, right here in Seoul. The three of us fought for hours to slay all the demons that poured through, and we thought we took care of them all, but… we were careless. Two snuck away in the fight, and after we mended the tear they hid themselves in the city. We were overly confident, too cocky, and that lack of attentiveness on our parts would ultimately lead to our downfall.

But that fall comes later. After that setback the rest of the tour went off without a hitch. No other major tears opened in the veil. It wasn’t until we returned for our final show here in Korea that things started going wrong.”

The threads glowed harshly for a brief flash before quieting again. “Miyeong met someone – a fan, supposedly – when we were leaving the airport. They were talking for so long we almost missed our car, god, she was so upset when we had to rush away… but they found their way back to each other, somehow. He watched our last show, attended a meet and greet that we hosted the week after just so he could give her his email, and from there they just clicked. She would sneak off at night to meet him during our break, and every time we would scold her for being too trusting, too reckless, too… smitten.”

Sighing, Celine looked up to see Rumi focused intently on her, posture rigid as another question hung off her lips. Celine smiled despite herself, and said, “Yes, it was your father.”

Rumi blinked. “She didn’t know he was a demon?”

“Not right away, no. None of us did. Surprisingly, he was rather exceptional at masking his presence. We didn’t discover what he – who he was, until much later.”

A broad cluster of clouds rolled by, giving them a greater swath of shade. How fitting, Celine mused, that the world would dim as she uncovered all her shame.

“Time passed. Our break ended, then it was right back to working towards the Golden Honmoon. All was going well for the Sunlight Sisters, but behind the scenes things became tense between us. Miyeong was present in the shows, but at home she was… distant. Cold. She stopped talking about the mystery man as often. They kept their relationship hidden fairly well, even from us. It was easier back then without the internet or cellphones to spread gossip around, and it was easier when he kept disappearing for months at a time.”

“It was during one of his absences that everything came to a head.” Celine chuckled bitterly to herself. “The fool should have known before any of us did…  but he was off taking care of something important, ” she bracketed the word with air quotes, “though I don’t hold any stock in how much more important that could be compared to what was coming.”

Celine plucked at threads of the Honmoon like guitar strings, letting the gentle hum soothe her spirit. “Before a live show, Miyeong was hunched over in the bathroom vomiting. In the moment we thought it was just a stomach bug but she knew… she knew it was something else. Something bigger than all of us.”

Misty eyed, she looked up at the girls with a broken smile. “It was you, Rumi. She was pregnant with you.”

Rumi sucked in a breath.

“We refused to accept it at first. It took a lot of arguing for us to come around, but Miyeong held steady through it all. She was so determined to make it work, to give you a life, that she took every bit of anger with grace while we berated her. For days on end she just kept quiet and let us burn ourselves out.” Laughing softly, she added with a little more reverence. “I don’t know how she was so patient back then. We were insufferable.”

A breeze swept over them, blowing the last wafts of steam from their cups. Their tea remained untouched, all three too enraptured by Celine’s story to remember the drinks. 

“We were all unsteady, but we learned to adapt. We kept performing right up until she began to show, then from there the Sunlight Sisters took a long hiatus. Miyeong had some trouble with the pregnancy, the symptoms took a great toll on her physically. She was adamant about avoiding the hospital, though. She insisted it was just to hide her pregnancy from the public, but she was hiding something from us, too.”

Celine’s expression darkened, eyes unfocused as she stared into the distance. “Patterns, forming along her stomach and chest like stretch marks. They started faint, not far off from the color yours are now. But they were undeniable, and once we saw it everything fell apart.” She sighed heavily through her nostrils. “She finally confessed the truth to us, about your father and… and you… and without him there to even try to convince us he had any good intentions, we pushed Miyeong to… to terminate the pregnancy.”

Mira slammed her fist into the table with a growl. “You bitch!”

“Mira!” Zoey’s eyes flickered back and forth between them, bracing for the admonishment that normally came with such language.

“No, no that’s… that’s fair.” Celine responded. “You have every right to call me that. Miyeong said the same thing.”

Taking a deep breath, she continued. “She was justifiably angry with us, more so than when we first fought. Miyeong stormed out, and didn’t return or contact us for about a week. We tried to reach out, tried to search for her in the city, but she just didn’t want to be found. It was your father that eventually brought her back to us, a ‘show of good faith’ if you will. He convinced her to give us another chance, and in return all he asked was that we give him – and you – a chance as well.”

“We couldn’t stand the thought of losing Miyeong, so we agreed. Things remained tense through the last few months, but we stayed together through it all. We spent every day trying to make it up to her, trying to get over our fears and teachings so we could be there for her – for both of you.”

Celine perked up suddenly, gaze softening with a memory. Smiling, she locked eyes with Rumi as she sighed. “I tried to understand. I tried to make sense of how she could fall in love with a demon, and why she would have a child with one. Do you want to know what she told me? She said,

Does there need to be a reason? We are allowed to be so much more than our duty, Celine, we have that choice. And I choose love. I choose her. 

Rumi is proof that we are allowed to just exist. ”

Something unknotted itself in Rumi’s chest. Like a drain unclogging, rotted feelings of self-loathing and rejection flowed out of her in one large wave. Before she could stop it, tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t bother wiping them away as she turned, staring at her mother’s grave in disbelief. More than ever she wished she could just reach out, just once, just to feel her touch.

“She wanted you, Rumi. She loved you so much, from the moment you were conceived right up until we lost her. All she wanted was for you to live happily.”

“She loved me,” Rumi whispered, voice nearly silent under the weight of her grief. “She chose me.”

She didn’t think I was a mistake, Rumi thought to herself. The doubt that haunted her for so long seemed so trivial now.

“She never regretted her decision to have you, even at the very end.” Celine said. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and offered it to Rumi, who took it gratefully. 

“What… what happened to her? How did she…” Her voice cut off, too choked up to finish the question.

Celine clenched her fists in her lap, frowning as too many memories assaulted her all at once. She focused on the breeze, on the birds chirping in the trees around them, and on the Honmoon bleeding warmth into her palm. Breathing out steadily, she began again.

“She had a home birth, and there were… complications. We had help, but Miyeong struggled during labor. It took 18 hours to deliver you, but we, along with your father, stayed by her side through it all. You arrived late into the night, but your mother was very, very weak. We didn’t think she would make it,” Celine cleared her throat, blinking back tears “she seemed so close to death. But after a few days, she started to recover. We thought it was a miracle.”

Slouching, Celine rubbed her eyes and scowled, keeping her expression hidden as she continued. “I don’t know how it all went so wrong… we were so blind, so… so arrogant, we let ourselves think we were untouchable, and your mother suffered the consequences.”

Rage boiled over as she looked up again, eyes shadowed by hate. “She was never quite a hundred percent, but she was alive. Nothing was more important to us than that, even as the Honmoon began to weaken across the city. While Miyeong stayed at home with you and your father, the two of us remaining staved off the demon attacks. We blamed it on the hiatus, on our lack of attention towards the fans, but there were darker forces working behind the scenes. I mentioned before that two demons escaped us… it was the influence of those two demons that degraded the Honmoon as they hid in plain sight… hid among us , and chipped away at the barrier over time. A year after you were born, one of them finally showed their true colors.”

“... what did my father do?” Rumi asked, already resigned to the harrowing revelation. The demon she fought had already hinted at it; she didn’t think she could be surprised anymore.

Threads of the Honmoon turned red beneath Celine before she could school her emotions. She stopped bothering to hide the venom in her voice. “He let his… partner … get close enough to breach the sanctuary. Together, they opened a tear too large for us to repair without your mother’s help. From what I understand, the original plan was to drive a wedge between us, to break the unity between us hunters so the Honmoon would fall.” She growled, clenching her fists in her lap. “And yet, somewhere along the way, he fell in love. Falling for your mother, having a child with her, that was never part of his plan. I suppose he never foresaw a world where he could have a family. He loved you, in his own way. He did. But that love was his undoing, as it was Miyeong’s. He tried to take you two away before the fighting began, he practically begged her to leave with him, but she knew what was coming. She was determined to stay and help us repair the barrier.”

Celine’s breaths came in erratic bursts as the memories played out in her mind. “Then he just… disappeared. His patterns flared, and he was yanked away without another word. The demon king had seen through his treachery, it seemed, and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse: a promise of safety and longevity for you and your mother, in exchange for the lives of the remaining two hunters.”

“He loved you both… so much that he was willing to do anything to keep you safe from the one thing he feared most. He let the demons in, let them overwhelm us, and fought with everything in him to kill us, all while we struggled to protect your mother. She tried to fight, but there were just too many. They were getting too close to the room where we hid you. Miyeong pleaded with her love one last time to try to break Gwi-Ma’s influence, to convince him that we could keep you safe without bending the knee to him, and all he could do was repeat the same damn excuse. ‘I have no choice’ he would say. ‘I’m doing this for our family.’ When he ultimately broke through to your room, Miyeong was forced to fight back.”

Choked up, the former hunter finally let go of a sob. “She refused to wound him in a way that mattered, even as he began to overwhelm her with brute force. So I took it upon myself to protect my family. Before he could hurt her, or you, I struck the killing blow against your father.”

Rumi’s heart skipped a beat –

“... and with it, we finally figured out how your mother recovered.”

 – then stopped. She held her breath as the heavy hand of understanding came down to strike her. 

“It was no coincidence that patterns appeared on Miyeong’s skin… somehow, their souls were bound to one another. So in killing your father, I… I doomed her to an early death,” Celine choked out, hands cupping over her mouth. “I never wanted to hurt her, I-I didn’t know what we were dealing with, what the consequences would be… if we just had more time, if I had been more diligent maybe – maybe we could have saved her. Maybe she would still be here if I hadn’t been so careless! You would still have your mother…”

Face hidden in her hands, Celine fought for composure as the truth laid out before them; she shouldered the responsibility for what happened back then. 

“What happened next?”

The voice that reached her ears then was hoarse, and echoed across the Honmoon with a rumble. Vibrating where she sat, Rumi stared daggers into her mother – mentor – as claws dug into her right thigh. A glowing, amber eye sent shivers down Celine’s spine.

“Keep. Talking.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, seeing the sweet girl she raised come undone before her. “... Miyeong didn’t pass right away. She was able to hold on long enough for us to strengthen the Honmoon, one last time. The demon fighting alongside your father escaped once more, but compared to everything else he was low priority in our eyes. We brought healers from all over the world to try to fix the damage… the damage that I caused. But it wasn’t enough. If there’s anything in this world that can heal a fractured soul, we couldn’t find it. She passed several weeks after the attack, leaving everything in her will to you, and leaving you in my care. All she wanted was a good, peaceful life for you, and I… I failed to give you even that. I’m so sor–”

Scarlet red pulsed through the Honmoon as Rumi hissed. “Don’t.” Fangs glinted for a fraction of a second, then disappeared. “What next?”

 “Rumi —”

“WHAT. NEXT.”

Flinching, Celine pressed her palms into the ground to quell her own instincts to fight back. They may not have been blood, but Rumi was still her daughter, even half shifted and rageful as she was. Celine owed her answers. 

“We… announced her passing, not long after. Many years passed, and we managed to keep the Honmoon intact for a time. Soon enough, though, it began searching for new hunters to replace us, since we were out of balance. You were its first choice.”

The violent aura surrounding Rumi settled, if only a little.

“I didn’t know what I was doing… I was lost when it came to taking care of you. At the very least, I knew I needed to do everything possible to keep you healthy… if you were going to be a hunter, I had to make sure your body would be prepared for the stress that such a duty would bring. I brought you to a hospital, just for a check up. Just to get a baseline for where your development was at.”

There was a flicker of recognition in Rumi’s eyes as a memory struck her. She rubbed her arm absentmindedly, thumb worrying over the crux at her elbow. 

“It was during that visit that your patterns first began to show. They flared along your neck and shoulders, and your left eye held an otherworldly glow. Your right hand formed claws and nearly tore into your doctor when he tried to draw your blood. It took me a long time to calm you down, to bring you back from whatever episode you were having. After that day, though, everything was… different.”

“We tried to make sense of it… a half demon, the Honmoon’s chosen… it didn’t seem possible to us at the time. We couldn’t believe that both could exist in one person. We thought, perhaps… perhaps you were cursed, afflicted by the same thing that weakened Miyeong during your birth. The fear of losing you the same way we lost your mother overwhelmed all other thought or logic. We were desperate to save you. So I – Rumi, I really am so sorry, I thought I was doing what was best for you at the time –”

“Stop stalling. Just… tell me.”

Celine raked her fingers into the dirt. “We called on all the world’s healers… where they failed with Miyeong, we hoped they would fare better with you. Then we tried the hospital again when they couldn’t give us a solution. And when that didn’t work…” Celine squared her shoulders, sitting up straight, no longer shrinking away. Whatever happened next, she felt she deserved. “When that didn’t work, I called an exorcist.”

Zoey gasped, shuffling closer to Rumi to try to offer some semblance of comfort. Mira sat ramrod straight, looking about three wrong words from murder. Rumi had simply gone still; eerily still, and deathly silent. 

“I thought it was our only choice. Every generation of hunters has been raised on the same code, the same beliefs… a half-demon, half-hunter just wasn’t possible in our minds. We forced ourselves to believe you were possessed – by what, we couldn’t explain – but we’d seen it before. Maybe we could have taken care of it ourselves, but damaging you with our own weapons wasn’t an option we were willing to consider. Our next best bet was to hope that we could separate you from your demon, isolate it so we could banish it and free you.”

The corner of Rumi’s mouth twitched, but she said nothing. It made sense now why she, too, tried to see her demon as a parasite, something to be purged from her body rather than a vital part of her soul. It was a safety mechanism, a way to shield herself from the principle that “all demons must die.” She had to learn that from someone , she supposed. Of course it came from her mentor.

“It almost worked. It might have, if I…”

“... if you… what?” 

Celine smiled sadly, letting her head hang in shame. “If I hadn’t intervened.” She swiped another tear from her cheek, unable to raise her head and face her adoptive daughter. “You were so young… you didn’t understand what was happening. You were so scared and confused, and he… he was merciless. He promised us it would be painless. He promised you would be safe, and I let myself believe him.”

“The exorcist had you pinned face down on the ground with a knee on your lower back. Whatever he did, it began to separate the demonic energy from your soul, we could see it being pulled away. It hurt you, of course it hurt you. The scream you let out tore its way across the Honmoon – he couldn’t see it, but we did, we felt the Honmoon tearing at the seams. If I had let him finish separating you, we would have lost everything. I would have lost you . So, I stopped him, by whatever means necessary.”

Another memory flashed in Rumi’s mind, one of Celine beating someone into submission just outside of her periphery. She could remember the sensation of arms cradling her shortly after, and a soft, broken voice begging for forgiveness in her ear. The ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth knowing what Celine had done to him.

As phantom pains danced along her spine, however, Rumi’s face fell. Celine defended her in the end, but she was still the reason that happened in the first place. She couldn’t forgive her for that… could she? Rumi couldn’t navigate the compulsion to forgive her mentor as she always did, and the desire to cut all ties with the woman for letting her be injured so terribly. As a child she forgave and forgave, for every slight or biting remark, for every accidental insult or offense, she forced herself to forgive without even needing an apology.

Rumi wasn’t allowed to bear grudges. She wasn’t allowed to stay bitter over the things that hurt her, no matter how deeply she was wounded by someone’s words or actions. She learned from her earliest days that things went more smoothly if she just… let things go. If she didn’t, she risked giving ground to the demon.  

“The demon will lash out.” 

“The demon will hurt everyone around you if you’re too emotional.” 

Those were the first lessons she learned from Celine. The state of numbness she achieved after was her first triumph.

Part of her despised how little she’d changed. She was still that people pleaser, still trying to protect everyone from an imaginary threat. How could she ever overcome that if she still wouldn’t fight for herself against the person who started it all?

“You could have let him do it.” Rumi said, ignoring the way her friends tensed beside her. “Like you said, it might have worked. Maybe the Honmoon would have been fine. Maybe I would have walked away human. So why didn’t you? What changed?”

Celine let go of a heavy exhale, eyes cloudy as she responded, “You called out for your mother.”

Inhaling sharply, Rumi winced as something twisted in her chest. She could almost feel the echo of that scream that tore its way through tiny lungs, and hear the desperation as she sought the one person she couldn’t have.

“You cried out for her, begging for help, and suddenly everything was just… wrong. Everything I was taught, everything I believed, it all seemed so pointless because you weren’t a demon, you weren’t possessed, you were just a scared, helpless child missing her mother, and all I did was add to that pain. All I could think was how I failed you both. She wanted you to live in peace, to be happy and loved… what I did, what I allowed to happen to you, was unacceptable. And instead of owning up to my mistake sooner, I taught you to hide yourself… hide what you are… I tried to deny your demon blood, because accepting it would mean that, at the end of all this, you would die a demon’s death. I convinced you that the Golden Honmoon would erase your patterns, because I wanted to believe there was mercy waiting for you instead of damnation. My fears clouded my judgement, and you suffered for my ignorance.” Celine closed her eyes, biting back a sob. “And I see now that you’re still suffering for it. I’m so sorry, Rumi. I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.”

Rumi struggled to breathe, throat clamping down on every inhale. Arms wrapped tightly around herself, she trembled with years of despair, hopelessness, and self-loathing. Years of asking why , why she wasn’t allowed to be normal, why she never got to be close with anyone, why she had to be alone. 

“Did I even matter to you?” She spat. “Or was I just a promise to keep?”

Face pinched, Celine’s gaze flickered back to Miyeong’s grave, hovering there a second longer than intended. 

“I can’t –” Wracked by sobs, Rumi huddled in on herself, nails digging into her biceps. “I can’t forgive you, I can’t , I-I was a child, I needed you to protect me, I needed you to love me, why –” breathless and weeping, every muscle in her body rattled with pain “ why couldn’t you just love me? Was it really so hard? I needed you Celine, you were all I had and you rejected me, every single time. I needed you I-I needed –”

Something scraped along the ground. She heard the clatter of teacups on plastic, the slosh of liquids spilling, all before a pair of strong arms wrapped around her. It wasn’t Zoey, steady but yielding in the way she held her; it wasn’t Mira, solid but soft in her embrace. Her girls were there, within arms reach, but withholding familiar hands to give room to the person Rumi needed most right then.

Celine, who’d never held Rumi for more than a few seconds at a time, refused to leave even the smallest gap between them. She held her like a precious treasure, shielding her from everything that threatened to steal her away; nothing and no one would wrench Rumi out of her embrace, not until Celine could convey the two decades worth of love and remorse that she’d held back for far too long.

It was too much, too fulfilling, too whole; Rumi’s heart couldn’t take the emotional whiplash. She wept in her mentor’s arms, clinging to her like she was the only refuge in a raging storm. 

“I was a child. I didn’t need to be fixed, I didn’t need saving. I needed my mom – I needed you!”

Celine didn’t fight the sob that clawed its way up her throat. “I’m sorry, love, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I didn’t love you the way you deserved.”

“You let me feel alone, you let me hate myself – you ENCOURAGED IT.” Her voice echoed across the Honmoon, shaking its foundations, amplifying her rage. “YOU BROKE ME.”

“... I did.”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT?”

With a shaky inhale, Celine parted from her. She cupped Rumi’s cheek the way she couldn’t, back when Rumi had begged to die. 

“You don’t.” Celine gave her a broken smile, swiping the tears off her cheek. “You don’t have to. I don’t expect you to. No amount of apologies will suffice for what I put you through. Nothing justifies the pain you’re in now. I will carry that responsibility for not caring for you better. If I could take the burden off of you entirely, I would do so in a heartbeat.”

She backed away and folded her hands in her lap, holding herself at length even as Rumi twitched to grasp her again. “I haven’t done anything to earn your forgiveness. I should have done better, you deserved better. And if… if you will allow me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make amends for all the ways I hurt you.”

For a while, no one spoke. Rumi sat in stunned silence, bitterness and want and longing warring in her chest. She didn’t know how to balance her anger with the overwhelming desire to try . Part of her never wanted to see the woman again, and yet, part of her wanted nothing more than to be held again by the only mother she’d ever known.

“I don’t know… I don’t know what I want from you.” Clenching her jaw, her bottom lip trembled as she asked, “What if I decide I don’t want you in my life? What then?”

It wounded Celine. As much as she tried to hide it, the question hurt her. 

“If that’s what you need, I’ll respect your decision. I will stay out of your life if that’s what you need to heal.” 

Rumi took a few unsteady breaths, fists balled in her lap as her body pulsed with adrenaline. She could hear the slow rrrip as claws tore into her jeans, and when a hand reached to stop her she jerked away.

“DON’T.” She stretched her fingers, letting her palm lay flat against her thigh. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

She could still see the hand – Zoey’s hand – hovering, waiting, but any touch felt like too much. Her skin was hypersensitive, every nerve ablaze to the point where even the tiniest breeze set her on edge. 

“I need to be alone. Just… give me a few minutes.”

Rumi could feel her friends shuffle beside her, nervous energy pouring off of them in waves. She knew why, but that didn’t matter. She just needed space to breathe.

“Please. I want to be alone with my mom.”

Celine’s heart throbbed. When no one else moved she slowly rose to her feet, gathering up the teapot to bring back; she could deal with the rest later. “Girls, can you come with me to the house? I have a few things to send you home with.”

They heard her, but they kept their focus entirely on Rumi, even as she turned away from them to face the headstone behind her. 

“I’ll be fine,” she whispered, voice strained. “I’ll find you after I calm down. Just go, please.”

It took everything in them not to wrap her in a hug right then. They fell in line behind Celine as all three trudged down the hill, leaving Rumi to grieve; the world fell silent, letting her sobs carry on the wind. There was a taut line, a band stretched to its limits, stretching further still as the distance between them grew. That line snapped though as they entered the house, and far out of range for Rumi to hear them, Mira lost her last bit of self-control.

“How is it that among all the shitty parents in our lives, you turned out to be the worst?” Mira shoved Celine’s shoulder, inches from her face as she seethed. “She was just a kid! You let her be tortured for no fucking reason, no fucking reason! Oh but all to protect the Honmoon, right? Because that’s supposed to justify it?”

Celine sighed, meeting her anger with tired eyes. “No, it doesn’t.”

Stunned, sputtering, Mira growled in frustration. “You are unbelievable, you know that? You goddamn hypocrite! All this time you hid this from her while making her hide herself from us. All for what? To make yourself feel better about what you did?”

“No… it might not seem like it right now, but it really was to protect her. Suppose someone else discovered Rumi was half-demon, someone else powerful enough to slay one. What then, Mira?”

She ground her teeth against the biting retort she had loaded.

“Hiding her patterns was the best way to protect her, along with training her to be strong enough to protect herself. It was unfair, but it was the best I could do –”

“You could have explained that to her instead of letting her feel ashamed of who she was!” Mira shouted, throwing her arms up in the air.

“I… could have.” Celine relented. “I should have.”

They stared each other down, resignation bowing to righteous fury, while Zoey stewed on the sidelines. Mira was waiting, waiting for their mentor to defend herself, waiting for her to deflect, but that fight never came. She didn’t have the right to, nor did she have the will. 

“I was wrong,” she admitted, taking a step back. “I was wrong about her patterns, but that is how we were taught. For generations, we hunters believed that demons were only capable of evil, and to acknowledge that Rumi was part demon… it felt like inviting death to come steal her away from us. I thought I was protecting her from that train of thought. Clearly, I failed in that regard.”

“Yeah, clearly .”

Celine squared her shoulders. “Tell me then, how did you two react when her patterns were exposed?”

Mira snapped her mouth shut. She could see Zoey freeze up beside her, and unconsciously side-stepped to shield her. Zoey, though, had enough in her to answer.

“We… drew our weapons on her. We pushed her away,” she muttered.

Celine’s eyes hardened as she gestured to both of them. “And that is exactly what I wanted to protect her from. You held back because you have history, because you two could still see the human in her beyond the marks of her demon. Other people can’t! Any other demon slayer, exorcist, or whomever else wouldn’t hesitate to strike her down. Yes, that shame was awful, but necessary. It kept her from potentially trusting the wrong people, people that might have tried to kill her for what she was. It kept her safe. ”

Mira clenched her fists, tremors running down her arms even as Zoey sought comfort in her. A small hand skimmed along the inside of her forearm, trailing down to stop at her wrist. With great effort, she opened her hand and let the clammy palm slot with hers. She needed the touch. She needed to stay grounded for –

With a rattle, the door opened behind her. Rumi slid into the house, eyes bloodshot but matching. Her demon features had receded in the time it took to walk over, the only trace being the faint shimmer of purple along her patterns. She didn’t raise her head in greeting, electing instead to cross the foyer to stop right before Celine.

Agonizingly slowly, her gaze panned upward to meet her darkened eyes, seeing the resignation there. The defeat . She knew what was coming.

“I can’t be around you,” Rumi declared, throat raw and gritty. “Not right now. I don’t… feel safe with you… not anymore. You’ve lost my trust, and I can’t decide if I’m willing to give you another chance or not. I-I need time… I need to make sense of all this.”

Jaw tight, Celine nodded. “I understand. Take all the time you need, and… I’ll be here, if you want me to be.”

For a moment, Rumi didn’t budge, caught between a need to put space between them and a need to be held. In the end the former won, and she turned on her heel to rush back outside, clutching her chest as it clenched painfully. The time for talk was over; Mira and Zoey only stayed long enough to collect the box of items Celine packed for them, then Mira was first out the door to chase after their leader.

Zoey hung back in the doorway as Mira caught up to Rumi first, consoling her as she braced herself against a tree. The raven haired girl turned, and the look in her eyes made Celine’s blood run cold.

“There’s a very real possibility that Rumi will give you a second chance some day, because that’s just who she is. But us? Mira and I? We’re done with you, Celine.” The Honmoon swelled to brush against Zoey’s fingertips, the transparent outline of knives half-formed at her touch. “If you ever hurt Rumi again, you won’t have time to beg for forgiveness after. You’ll be taking those apologies straight to her mother instead.”

As the door slammed shut, Celine found herself holding her breath. For the first time, one of her students had instilled a true sense of terror in her, and she wavered between hurt and pride in the face of it. If nothing else, she could at least feel secure knowing Rumi had people ready to defend her, even from those they should be able to trust. 

She’d earned this, this mistrust, this solitude. Celine supposed she had her answer, as hard as it was to accept.

She really did lose both mother and daughter.

– –

The car ride home was silent. Mira drove with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel, letting her anger simmer behind gritted teeth so it wouldn’t affect either of the girls in the back. Zoey sat behind the passenger seat with Rumi’s head in her lap, stroking her hair as she watched the world roll by through the window. Her fingers still buzzed with the feeling of her shin-kal conjuring out of rage; the threat still sat heavy on her tongue, acrid and bitter as she stewed on it.

Rumi, whose face had remained tucked against Zoey’s stomach, rolled onto her back to look up at the roof of the car. “Did I make a mistake? Should I have just… forgiven her, instead of leaving like that?”

“No.” Mira looked over her shoulder with a glare, not directed at Rumi but just at the implication of her words. “You made the right call. If forgiving her didn’t feel right you should trust your instincts.”

They grew quiet again as they rolled to a stop. Zoey and Mira exchanged a look in the rear view mirror, the former nodding before peering down at the girl in her lap.

“Even if you decide you never want to forgive her, you’ll still be in the right.” Zoey cupped her cheek, heart swelling when Rumi leaned into it. “You don’t owe her anything, okay? Celine would have kept this all a secret from you, maybe forever if you didn’t ask for answers yourself! You deserve better than that.”

Humming thoughtfully, Rumi centered her tired gaze on Zoey. “Do you… do you think… my mom would be proud of me?” She asked, voice trembling.

“Sweetheart, she would be over the moon seeing who you are now.”

The assurance was just healing enough for Rumi to smile in earnest, tension leaving her body as she let the words flow through her. Her conversation with Celine had hurt, not the small sting of offhand comments she was used to, but a deeper ache that wounded at a level that couldn’t be soothed. She did, however, feel an old scar mend itself in her heart. 

She knew now that she was wanted, chosen , from before she had even formed. She was not a mistake in her mother’s eyes. She was not an accident waiting to be corrected.

Rumi was loved.

She could feel it in the way Zoey’s hands almost magnetized to her, in the way her eyes sparkled as if Rumi held the stars under her skin. She could feel it in the way Mira constantly stole glances at them from the front, warmth and belonging seeping from every pore even as she put up a mask of stoicism. They loved her, she knew that. 

For once, she believed she was actually allowed to have this. To have a love so filling, so encapsulating that it permeated every fiber of her being. She was not impossible to love. Despite all the struggles of her childhood, despite the contradictory nature of how she was raised, she was loved before she ever knew the meaning of the word. 

Rumi finally felt ready to embrace it.

She finally felt ready to open herself to more .

Now it was just a matter of figuring out how to do so.

Chapter Text

A week rolled by after their visit with Celine, and Rumi was basking in the peace of it. Little by little the cracks in her being mended over time, patched by a mix of patience and care provided by the people she held dear. Zoey and Mira had an endless font of love to pour out for her, and she couldn’t be more grateful for their company as she navigated her new normal. Their routines shifted minutely as she added steps to her mornings and nights, as she altered the way she approached tasks to make sure she was never too strained.

Re-learning how to live in her body was a challenge to say the least. The pain was a constant companion even on good days; on bad days, it was an annoyance she wished she could cut away. Those were the days she clung to them a little tighter, relying on them to banish the darker whims of her mind. 

She was doing better. She was . It was just a very lengthy process, helped along in part by an agreement they all made with Bobby upon their return from the sanctuary. Their manager had taken it upon himself to strongly suggest that they each seek counsel with a therapist, a proposal they each conceded to with some hesitation; they weren’t used to sharing with people outside of their inner circle. The girls were pleasantly surprised, though. They’d already had their own individual sessions with more planned for the future, each coming away with something valuable for themselves.

Rumi came to understand that recovery was not a linear path. There were bends and curves, slopes and unsteady patches that could leave you floundering for stable ground. You could take ten steps forward and still feel like you never moved an inch. But she was learning to take pride in any strides she took, no matter how small it may seem in the grand scheme. 

“Any progress is good progress,” her therapist told her. “Don’t feel ashamed if it seems like you’re not reaching your goals quickly enough. You have your whole life to get there.”

It helped that her girls took it upon themselves to praise her any chance they got, whether it was for completing a workout set without help or communicating any needs when they arose. Her heart never failed to flutter when they shamelessly told her how proud they were to see her trying so hard.

And gods she loved them. She loved them so much her chest ached. 

Rumi was building up to it, to confessing her love to both of them, together, as she hoped they would remain. Of course, that meant planning the perfect way to do it. Her girls held steady through every obstacle thrown their way over the past few months. They deserved to be celebrated, to be shown in a grand fashion how grateful she was to them for helping her through the worst of these changes.

It took another day or two, but she had a plan… kind of. It was a good pain day, the sensations in her body were hardly a hum as she dressed for the afternoon. She’d let the girls know she wanted to go out, but she didn’t specify where until she met them in the living room.

“Sooo,” she began, a playful lilt in her voice, “it’s been a while since we all took a trip to the bath house… would you two want to go today?”

Zoey, sprawled out on the couch watching turtle clips, twisted around to gawk at her. “WAIT REALLY?”

“I… yes?” 

“YOU REALLY WANNA GO?” Zoey gripped the back of her seat like a feral cat, nails digging into the cushions. “LIKE NOW?”

“Yes?” Rumi giggled at her obvious excitement. “Things are finally calming down. We deserve a little pampering, don’t you think?”

Zoey squealed in delight, raising both fists in the air and nearly teetering backwards off the couch. Mira, leaning away from her stray arms to avoid being hit, sagged dramatically.

“Yesssss I’ve needed this so bad, ” Mira drawled, “can’t believe it took us this long to go back.”

Rumi shoulders hiked up, face apologetic. “Sorry about that.”

“What? Dude, no, don’t be sorry, I’m literally exaggerating. You were dealing with like, a million other things. Don’t feel bad.” 

Shrugging her shoulders, Zoey added to the assurances. “Yeah, don’t even worry! Just think of it this way: it’s going to feel even better now that we haven’t been back in a while.”

“True that.”

As they stood and joined her with a little extra bounce in their steps, Rumi let the excitement of their grins warm her to her core. Arm in arm they descended the tower together, and she offered to drive so they could get a head start on their relaxation. 

When they arrived at the bathhouse several minutes later, Zoey was out of the car before Rumi could even put it in park. She was bouncing with glee, fists pumping in the air and legs kicking outward as she waited for the others to join her outside. Mira readily fell in step with her own controlled movements, the two chanting “bath-house, bath-house, bath-HOUSE” in escalating volume. Rumi could only smile at her girls, shaking her head as she let them get their energy out.

“Never a dull moment, huh?” She joked, chuckling softly under her breath as Zoey jumped onto Mira. The taller of the two easily held her up as they continued their chant.

“Psh, don’t act like you don’t love it Rumi!” Zoey shouted, pointing a rigid finger her way. “Now hush and come do the bathhouse dance with us!”

“We don’t have a –” Rumi snickered, striding over with a shrug. “Oh what the hell, fine.”

Bobbing her shoulders, Rumi joined the antics as they crossed the parking lot, finally getting them to settle down at the entrance. Inside, the girls quickly dressed down and washed up, with Zoey and Mira carrying the conversation as they often did. Rumi caught glimpses of dewy skin in the corner of her eye and tried her best not to stare. They’d been naked around each other before, but it was still a new experience for her. The sight of bare backs, bare shoulders, bare anything still left her reeling.

For years she wasn’t allowed to look or desire, but now? Now she was finally embracing that freedom, and it was… a lot. 

Mira met her wandering gaze and smirked, flipping her hair over her shoulder in an obvious show of confidence. She let her own eyes linger on Rumi’s face a second longer before turning back to the task of pinning her hair up.

Looking back, Rumi didn’t know how she managed to last so long hiding her obsession for her bandmates. They were the textbook definition of desirable.

She ended up being first to the bath, unable to stand the pure want a moment longer. If all went well, that would come with time. For now she had to focus on making sure this day was perfect for them. At the very least, she could be sure the mood was neatly set in the positive since they were giggling as they joined her, and god the sound of their voices was addictive. She’d spend the rest of her life pulling those joyful sounds from their lips if she could. 

Zoey and Mira sunk into the water, sighing contentedly as heat enveloped them. Mira kept her arms propped up along the outer walls of the bath, while Zoey elected to submerge herself up to her chin with a happy grin on her face. 

“Is this what heaven feels like?” Zoey mused dreamily.

Mira snickered across from her. “It better be. If it doesn’t feel this good, I don’t wanna go.”

They let the quiet surround them, hot water and gentle steam leaving them boneless and pliant. The bathhouse was relatively empty that day, with only one or two others on the other side of the room chatting under their breaths. All the girls could hear was the occasional slosh of water, and sparse hums of contentment from their group.

“I’m so glad we get to just sit like this.” Rumi didn’t look at them right away, instead choosing to keep her head tilted back to stare at the ceiling. “I missed out on so much growing up… I’m glad I get to share all of this with you now.”

She could feel something brush against her leg beneath the water, velvety smooth as skin pressed to skin. Glancing to her left, she found Zoey eyeing her innocently, with just the tiniest hint of mischief on her lips. 

“It’s kinda nice to just have some quiet time, huh? I know you weren’t totally on board before but I’m glad we extended the break. I for one wouldn’t mind more one-on-one… one-on-two?” She huffed. “More time with you both.”

Rumi almost spilled all the details right then, but kept them caged behind her smile. “More time, and more firsts.” 

“More firsts?” Mira questioned with a smirk.

Zoey slid closer with a coy grin, locking her fingers with Rumi’s. “Firsts such aaas…?”

She couldn’t help but blush. “Well, I can’t spill all my plans just yet.”

Zoey and Mira shared a look. Grinning wickedly, Mira closed the gap as well, letting her fingers brush against the back of Rumi’s neck as she settled on her right side. “You don’t want to share those plans with the class?”

A shiver ran down her spine at the touch. They’re going to kill me, she thought, I’m going to die thirsting after these two before I ever get to say anything!

“J-just a surprise… for you. Tonight.” She stuttered.

“Aww, only Mira?” Zoey pouted.

“Both of you!”

Mira’s breath fanned over the side of her neck as she leaned in to whisper, “Both of us? How generous. ”

“Can’t wait to see what you have planned then, unnie.” Zoey traced her fingers over the top of Rumi’s thigh before backing away, putting enough of a gap between them for Rumi to breathe a sigh of relief; Mira dragged her fingers back across her neck and shoulders before parting as well.

They each returned to their previous states of lounging, leaving Rumi fighting for her life between them. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest. She was blushing profusely, ears burning as she set her hand on the spot that Zoey touched. Somehow her body warmed more from the teasing than it did from the bath, and for a brief moment she wondered how in the world she was going to survive the day at this rate.

– – 

The short answer: she wasn’t. Her girls were absolutely torturing her and frankly, she didn’t want it to stop. Every wandering touch, every whisper to interrupt her thoughts, every lingering stare as they traced over her figure without shame – everything they said and did brought her closer to the edge. She was so close to just blurting it out, just to get it over with.

I had a plan!

Fingernails scratched lightly along her lower back, making her jump. 

THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN!

“You two need to stop doing that!” Rumi chastised, waving the armload of clothes she was carrying. “You’re making me look crazy!”

Mira shrugged her shoulders as she rifled through another rack, picking out a leather jacket with an appreciative hum. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ru.”

Rumi glared at Zoey further down the aisle, walking back toward them with a shirt in each hand. “Don’t look at me, I was waaaay over there. Hey what color do you think looks better on me?”

She held them up one after another, shifting them back and forth across her body. The girls narrowed their eyes and leaned in as if that would help, because the shirts practically looked identical to them. If one shirt caught the light just right it might have been a brighter tint of yellow. Maybe.

“That one?” Rumi said, pointing to Zoey’s left hand. 

“Yessss.” Zoey added it to her pile, prancing off to replace the other.

A chill puff of air hit the back of her neck. With a shudder, she covered the spot with her free hand and turned on her heel to come face to face with Mira, who was grinning smugly at her. 

“MIRA!”

She chuckled low in her throat, cocking her head at her. “You’re so relaxed today, you’re making it too easy for us to sneak up on you… it’s a nice look.” Mira eyed her up and down, something predatory behind her eyes. “You should definitely try this on.”

Puzzled, she looked down, seeing the jacket pressed up against her chest. She took it with a nod, flushed as they ventured further into the store. 

The shopping trip was her idea, part of her plan to treat them to a fun day out as well as take care of one of the “surprises” she had teed up for them. They took their time in the dressing room trying on individual pieces, then creating whole outfits, narrowing down their picks as they went. They spent the better part of three hours repeating that process in every store that caught their attention, ending at a specialty shop with higher end clothing stocked.

Here, Rumi only needed one thing: a new dress, pre-ordered and waiting for her at the counter, concealed in a matte bag. When Zoey hooked a finger on the edge to peek inside, Rumi lightly smacked the back of her hand. “Not yet,” she said, “you’ll see it later tonight.”

Eyebrows arched high on their heads as both gaped at her. Grinning wickedly, Mira crossed her arms and cocked her head at her. “And what’s happening later tonight, Rumi?”

“Nothing too crazy… but you might want to pick out something fancier for dinner.”

“How fancy?”

“Hmm… fine dining fancy?”

Zoey gasped. “Is this like a –”

Mira slapped a hand over her mouth, tucking her chin into her shoulder as she smirked. “Tell you what. You keep your secrets on whatever you’ve got going on today, but, Zoey and I get to surprise you with our outfits too. Sound like a deal?”

The girls shared a look, and like a lightbulb going off in her head Zoey finally picked up on Mira’s game. With her own sly grin she rolled out of Mira’s hold, hands tucked behind her back as she stepped further away. “Yup, no peeking while we pick!”

Rumi had no opposition; at the very least, this meant they wouldn’t be able to tease her while they browsed. “Okay, I’ll play along. How about I get some drinks while you two look?”

Clapping her hands, Zoey bounced on her toes as she responded. “Ooooo yes, extra boba in mine please!”

“Just a latte for me.” Mira sauntered over, whispering in Rumi’s ear, “Can’t wait to see what’s next, baby, ” then walked away with her hands in her pockets, nonchalant and unfazed as Rumi was left smoldering where she stood. 

Zoey took the extra time to walk the long way behind Rumi, tracing a path from one shoulder to the other. Rising up on her toes, she pecked Rumi’s cheek with an innocent smile as if the actions in tandem didn’t thoroughly wreck her.

“Don’t take too long, ‘kay? I’m really looking forward to tonight.” 

Then, like nothing happened, Zoey strolled away with her hands locked behind her head, casual as can be. Rumi’s face burned at her tone, at the knowing look in her eyes. They knew. They had to know and were dialing up the teasing to mess with her. It was the most delightful torment, a level of attention she never thought she’d enjoy. She left the store blushing profusely, zooming towards the ground floor of the mall to get their drinks, and to give the girls time to find outfits for their date –

Fuck, I’m really doing this huh?

Rumi let her eyes drift over the people around her as she descended on the escalator, lingering on every couple in sight. She found herself wondering how those couples found each other, if they had been together for years or if they were as new to romance as she was. And in another beat, she worried about the implications of expanding beyond one partner.

Polycules exist, they knew that. Uncommon as it was, she’d never met anyone that was openly involved in such a relationship, but Rumi had sought answers on more than one occasion. When her feelings for Zoey and Mira first blossomed, she thought it was impossible to even have one love, let alone two . The more she researched on whether or not it was even possible at the time, the more greedy she felt for even considering it.

She tried to fight those desires, tried to ignore them in the years they spent training, fighting, thriving . They dulled, but never left her. In her heart Rumi always felt that pull towards them, urging her to get closer, urging her to talk to them about it, but she never dared to try. Affection wasn’t allowed to her, she hadn’t earned it, didn’t deserve it. 

At least… not before. After the new Honmoon was sealed those old, buried feelings rose again, shattering her resolve to move on. As the weeks passed they burned brighter in her chest, igniting with every touch, roaring with every affirmation shared between them. It became harder to deny how much she truly loved them. 

Leaning into those feelings was dangerous, though. There was a tenuous line she treaded, always skimming the edge but never quite reaching over, fearing whether rejection waited for her on the other side or… something more. The kind of relationship she desired, not just with one but with both of them, was risky. It was risky even without the glaring detail of their celebrity status. If the public caught wind of such a bond between them, she didn’t know what would happen; if HUNTR/X fell apart because she wanted something more, she’d never forgive herself.

At the same time though, she grew tired of the endless fight between her head and her heart. Rumi was finally determined to live her life, yet they were a part of it that she continued to hold at an ever-shrinking distance out of fear. She was tired of pretending they didn’t mean the world to her; she was tired of lying to herself, and to them. She was ready to break that last wall down, let them see everything she was, and everything she wanted to be. Even if they didn’t feel the same, she wanted to trust that this openness wouldn’t change them. She wanted to trust that they wouldn’t love her any less.

Rumi’s phone buzzed a few times as she stepped off the escalator, making a bee-line for the boba shop they passed on the way in. Zoey sent a gif of a cat rolling around in a laundry pile; Mira sent a photo of herself winking with a closed bag in hand, already done with her search. With a quick heart to each message she tucked her phone away, letting her shoulders relax as she got in line. No matter what happened tonight, she wouldn’t lose them. She had to believe that. Even if she was somehow misreading things, even if they didn’t feel the same way in the end, they would still stay together. They would still be HUNTR/X, they would still be friends , and she would learn to let go of her feelings for them. 

It would be hard, but not impossible. 

Drinks in hand, she returned to the store where Zoey and Mira were waiting, peeking into each other's bags with a mix of glee and mischief. Rumi could feel the anticipation building like a geyser waiting to burst; holding back was a point of pride for all three of them. There was a silent competition, a tense pause as they waited to see who would be first to break.

And as her girls glanced up at her with dazzling grins, she accepted that it was going to be her.

… this might be impossible after all.

– –

They returned to the penthouse as the sun began to kiss the skyline. Warm light glittered off the city’s windows like fireflies dancing across her vision; she had to stop and take it in, the overwhelming feeling of home. The feeling of belonging she had sought out her entire life, seeping into the floorboards in the form of golden light, trickling across the threads of the Honmoon, invited her into a peace that only their space could bring. 

Rumi let herself enjoy the view for just a few more seconds before taking a breath, and spinning on her heel to face her girls. Clapping her hands together once to get their attention, she began. “Alright, we have a dinner reservation in one hour! Meet me out here at… let’s say 7:40, then we’ll head over to the restaurant.”

Zoey let out a joyous squeal, gathering up hers and Mira’s bags to dash down the hall. Over her shoulder she shouted, “MIRA HELP ME WITH MY HAIR!”

Snickering to herself, she paused on her way to follow Zoey, shooting one last curious glance to Rumi. “You’re sure you’re up for this, right? Your pain isn’t too bad today?”

The question stunned and soothed in the same breath. Rumi grinned at her, watery eyed at her consideration. “Barely even feel it,” she responded. “I’m all good Mira, don’t worry.”

Eyes lingered, but softened as Mira nodded at her. Together the two made their way down to their rooms, parting with a faint brush of the hands to get ready for the night ahead. Derpy and Sussie kept Rumi company as she flitted about her bedroom, watching the girl as she scrambled to put herself together. She had her outfit planned, but part of her still hesitated to put it on because it was bold , bolder than anything she’d ever worn in the past. So she busied herself with her hair first, undoing the intricate braid to tame some of the flyaways that unfurled themselves throughout the day.

Make-up was a little more of a challenge. It had taken a long time for her to learn to work with her patterns. At first, she fell into the compulsion to try to hide or mask them with concealer, only to realize how futile it was to try when they emitted a soft glow in defiance. So instead, she adjusted her style to compliment them, to lean into the look and embrace them rather than continue to play into that old shame. She was still learning, but she was doing better; she let herself feel a tinge of pride at that.

With everything else settled, Rumi came back to the dress laid out across her bed and groaned. Why did I pick THIS ONE? 

The girls would be stunned for sure, but she wasn’t sure if it would be the good kind of stunned or if it would be terribly, irreparably bad . Blowing out an anxious breath, she pivoted to one of the backups she had hanging nearby.

“No, this is too much. I’ll just go with something else –”

Sussie landed on one of the hangers and screeched in defiance, pecking at her hand when she tried to grab a different outfit. 

Rumi hissed, rubbing the sting away with a growl. “Oh what, you have style opinions now?”

The demon-bird almost seemed to grin. Fluttering past her, it pulled her gaze back to the bed, where Derpy was sniffing at the garment curiously. Sussie landed beside it, chortling as it bobbed its head at the dress.

“I can’t… ugh, you really think they’ll like it?”

Both creatures simply stared at her, unblinking.

Rumi sagged dramatically, rolling her eyes. “Fine! I’ll at least try it on, but if it looks bad I’m changing immediately!”

She faced away from the mirror as she switched clothes, unwilling to reveal the look even to herself as she pulled the dress on. The fabric felt silky smooth to the touch, no errant seams or creases prickling against a single inch of her skin. It was comfy at least, but she couldn’t gauge whether or not it was right. 

Glancing beside her, she caught the approving look in Sussie’s eyes as the bird stared at her with three wide eyes. Derpy’s pupils had blown wide as well, and though the tiger didn’t seem to have an opinion either way he did kick up a comforting purr that seemed to vibrate across the room.

Rumi finally steeled her nerves, turned, and…

Oh.

… yeah, this’ll work.

Her phone chimed on the bed. Mira and Zoey both let her know they’d be ready soon. 

“Hoooo geez, okay, go time I guess. Wish me luck you two!”

Rumi slid her heels on and left the room with two different chirps at her back, making her way down the hall with trepidation. She was beyond nervous, of course she was nervous. She was about to bare her heart and soul for the people she loved most in the world, there was no way she wouldn’t be nervous. 

Taking a few shaky breaths, she splayed her palms out on the kitchen counter to ground herself. 

It’ll be fine, she told herself. This won’t break us.

A door swung open and shut. Joyous chatter drew closer as her heart thudded in her chest. 

Then, all sound stopped.

She waited…

And waited…

And finally turned, only to be as equally floored as the women she beheld.

Mira had her hair half up, pinned back by a thin black clip. She was wearing a sleek, mahogany suit that almost seemed to absorb the light around her. A matching tie hung loose around her neck, calling attention to the fact that her shirt was only half buttoned to expose part of her chest. The shirt fluttered with a deep breath, and Rumi gasped as she saw thin strands of pearlescent threads wink at her from the fabric; the luminance wasn’t far off from her own patterns, and the mere thought of either one of them coordinating to match her skin had her heart skipping beats. 

It didn’t take long for Rumi to find those same accents on Zoey.

Inky black hair sported an intentionally messier look, pulled back with an iridescent claw clip that glittered like a star against the night sky. Zoey had donned a cropped, short sleeved jacket, dark in hue with the barest maroon undertones when it caught the light just right. She had fastened a single button at the center, barely closing the garment over a similarly cropped, pale pink undershirt that left her abs exposed. A dark skirt hugged the curve of her hips, billowing out just enough to give her legs room to move freely. Those same iridescent threads glimmered in waves across the fabric as it shifted, as if the Honmoon itself draped around her. Paired with glossy boots that stopped at her ankles, her outfit was clearly coordinated to spotlight her legs, and Rumi wasn’t complaining one bit.

She harkened back to the fight on the plane, the way Zoey effortlessly pinned that demon with her legs locked around its head; in a fleeting moment of weakness, Rumi had wished she could swap places with it.

She still wanted to be pinned like that.

FOCUS!

Rumi kept her hands tucked behind her as she shrunk under her friend’s gazes, nerves building by the second as they gawked at her with mouths slack and eyes unfocused. They hadn’t even blinked in all the time they stood there.

“Is it too much? I-I can change if it’s too much,” she blurted.

Mira’s shoulders jerked, voice a reverent whisper. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

Rumi had chosen a floor-length dress with a deep v that hooked around the back of her neck, leaving her arms, shoulders and part of her chest bare and the majority of her patterns on full display; when they first walked into the room Zoey and Mira had also noted that the dress was backless , meaning Rumi was truly showing off more of her skin than she ever had before. There was a slit along the left from thigh to ankle exposing her left leg as well, and they had spent a good minute tracing the patterns down to her ankle. Every time Rumi shifted the dress changed from a deep violet to dark red, framing and highlighting her curves as the light glittered off the fabric. 

And her patterns, god , her patterns. The color-shifting dress almost seemed to influence them, too, as they shifted from pearly white to blushing pink to a whisper of lilac across her skin. She was a goddess in their eyes, and it took every ounce of self control for them not to jump her right then.

“Rumi, sweetie, you look incredible! If my mouth wasn’t bone dry I’d literally be drooling right now, that dress!” Zoey clasped her hands over her mouth. “Please do a twirl for us, I need to see the whole thing again.”

Sheepishly, Rumi spun, hearing two pleased gasps behind her as her braid whipped out of the way to reveal more of her back. 

In the second it took for her to face them again they’d closed the gap, with Mira bringing her hands up to cup her cheeks. Starry eyed, she declared, “Do not for one minute think you aren’t stunning. You’re beautiful, that’s never been up for debate and it never will be, that’s just a fact.”

She glanced off to the side, her last traces of doubt stubbornly clinging to her skin. “I just… I’ve never worn anything this… revealing before, are you sure it’s not –”

“It’s perfect,” Zoey tacked on, grasping one of Rumi’s hands. “You are absolutely perfect.”

With that, her fears were finally laid to rest. This was as good a sign as any that things were going well, and that the end result might actually turn out to be exactly what she was hoping for. Rumi beamed at them as she backed away, pulling her phone out of her purse to set up her camera.

“I, uh, promised Bobby a picture of us in our new outfits. Is that okay?”

“More than okay,” Zoey said, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

“I might have to make this my new lockscreen,” Mira mumbled.

Rumi chose to ignore that particular comment for the sake of her poor, pounding heart, which damn near burst out of her chest at the thought of Mira wanting a daily reminder of this night. She stood at the center, and as hands settled on her hips she felt a shiver up her spine. With fewer garments between them she could fully relish in the heat shared, letting it soak into her bone deep to make a new home within her. Even after the click of the photo sounded, no one moved. They didn’t want even an inch of distance between them, hands squeezing her possessively whenever she twitched.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Rumi spoke in a soft murmur. “We should probably get going… we uh, might be late if we don’t leave now.”

Zoey pressed even closer, chin resting on her shoulder. “I mean, we could just stay here… have a night in, all glammed up…”

“But this isn’t the only surprise for us, is it?” Mira asked, fingers tracing along Rumi’s forearm. “You’ve got something else planned, don’t you?”

“I-I do? I… do.”

“Then who are we to spoil that? Lead the way, Ru. We’re right behind you.”

Together, the trio descended the tower and clambered into a car Rumi arranged to drive them, a tinted window separating the front seats from the back of the vehicle. She sat across from them, left leg crossed over her right, trying not to let her face burn under the intensity of their gazes as they sat across from her. The car ride was filled with casual chit chat just to break the silence, but truthfully, none of them were retaining a word of it. They were all dangerously close to their own personal tipping points, trying desperately to contain the words they all wanted to speak. Rumi didn’t want to get her hopes too high, but the more she caught them tracing her figure, the harder it was for her to doubt that this could work out perfectly for all of them. Maybe there really was a future where she could be truly free to love them the way she wanted.

At the restaurant, rumors of HUNTR/X making an appearance had somehow made the rounds despite the care she took in planning this outing. A large group of fans, as well as a number of photographers, had flocked in front of the hotel to catch a glimpse of them. Seeing the crowd, Rumi’s blood froze. She knew they’d be out in public, but she didn’t think it would be this public. Goosebumps prickled along her arms as she stared from behind blacked-out windows. They would see her patterns in their entirety, far less obscured than ever before. The thought of how the public would respond to them left her petrified.

“Hey,” Mira placed a hand on her knee, drawing her attention away from the crowd. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, okay? You can borrow my coat if you really need it, but I guarantee you everyone who matters will love you just the same, patterns and all.”

Her body warmed again at the reassurance. Shaking her head, Rumi smiled resolutely as she stepped out of the car, head held high at the roar of excitement around them. Mira and Zoey followed her out soon after to act as her support on either side. Arms wrapped protectively around her waist, they crossed the plaza exchanging thank you’s and greetings with as many fans as they could pause for, basking in the golden glow of the Honmoon shimmering at their feet. They hadn’t dealt with this kind of crowd in weeks, but they really did miss the energy such outings brought. The girls were positively buzzing as they entered the hotel, and were promptly ushered to the top floor where the restaurant was.

Things were much calmer on the rooftop, all golden lighting and quiet ambience. The three were escorted to a private space Rumi had arranged for, away from a majority of the dining room noise, where they could talk without having to strain or raise their voices. Mira took the extra step of pulling out Rumi’s chair for her, then Zoey’s, before sitting down herself; the gesture sent a pleasant hum through Rumi’s chest.

Settled in a triangle with Rumi once again sitting across from her girls, they shared one last loaded look before their server entered to introduce himself. From there dinner was much less charged, conversation flowing easily as orders were taken, and courses came out one by one. The meal was mouthwateringly good at every stage, paired with different wines as they followed along with the sommelier’s explanation behind each choice. It was extravagant in a way they didn’t often indulge in, but well worth the money spent.

As their server cleared the table to reset for the final course, Rumi gave him the tiniest nod of the head, a hidden signal ushering in the next stage of her plan. He gave her a small, knowing smile, and excused himself with a bow.

When he returned moments later with a bottle of champagne and three flutes, the girls perked up. He poured a glass for each as the music around them lowered even further, and departed once more with a little more haste.

The floor was hers now and gods she was nervous. Rumi wrung her hands in her lap, unable to quell the tremors that ran through her. Things were going smoothly, yes, and all three of them were having a good time. But there was always that what if. What if her next words ruined the evening? What if they took offense to what she was about to ask? What if, what if, what if – it was maddening, all the anxiety over something that she felt so sure about just an hour before!

She started, stopped, started again, trying to find a good starting point for the conversation she wanted to have, and all the while her girls waited patiently for her to find the words she needed. They each reached across the table in silence, letting her take her time to open up to them at her own pace. She was grateful for it, the care, the consideration. And to her, that felt like as good a bridge as anything.

“The whole point of today has been to thank you both, for taking care of me these past few months. You won’t say it, but I know I was a burden on you –”

Both opened their mouths to protest, stopped only by a raised hand.

“ – it’s okay , I know. I’m not saying this to put myself down, I promise. But I know it put a lot of stress on you too, and I want to make sure you know how grateful I am that you helped carry me through all those hardships. I don’t think I would be in as good a place as I am now if not for you. You’ve been my rocks through all of this, so I wanted to make sure you’re appreciated the way you deserve to be.”

She let go of their hands, raising her glass to them with a brilliant smile. “So, cheers! To the most important people in my life, to the women who’ve supported me through thick and thin, to my guiding lights through my darkest moments. Thank you, both of you, for being so understanding, and for all your kindness and patience. Here’s to better days for all of us, more firsts, and new memories!”

They toasted and drank with gleeful smiles, while Rumi quelled the last simmering doubts within her. 

“There’s… one other thing I wanted to talk to you both about.”

Zoey and Mira glanced at each other first, then settled their gazes on her. There was something softer, almost hopeful in their eyes. Something knowing. They opened their hands to her again and waited.

Rumi laced her fingers with theirs, skin buzzing with the contact. Before she knew it her eyes misted over beyond her control.

Zoey reached across with her free hand to cup her cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

She snickered, turning her face into Zoey’s palm. “Nothing,” Rumi muttered, “just nerves, I think. Everything has been so… so good lately, I just don’t want to ruin this.” Gaze averted, Rumi continued. “It’s just… I’ve noticed things are… different now, between the three of us. I’m not as afraid to be open and vulnerable with you anymore, I don’t shy away from your touch the way I used to. And, well…”

Rumi blushed, eyes flickering over them before falling to the table. “Maybe I’m misreading things, but you two have been, well, very flirty, especially today.”

Mira’s hand twitched in hers, a small tsk leaving her lips. “Was it too much? We can dial it back.”

“No no! It’s good – it’s great even! It’s just –” Rumi sighed in frustration, finally forcing herself to look up at them. “You know how I grew up. For a long time, I didn’t think I would ever get to be close like this with anyone the way I am with you two. I didn’t think I was worthy of things like love or affection, I didn’t think anyone could ever love me the way I was… but with how things have been lately and with what I learned about my parents, I’ve been thinking maybe… maybe I can have that, with… with both of you.”

The girls stiffened, but gripped Rumi’s hands tighter. She could see that they wanted to speak, but both kept a tight lip to give her the time she needed to finish. 

“Zoey. Mira. I-I’ve been in love with you two for so, so long. I never thought I’d have the chance to actually tell you, I was so worried about destroying our friendship that I forced myself to ignore those feelings. But I’m tired of hiding. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere, even if –” her heart leapt up into her throat, nearly choking the next words out of her, “even if you don’t feel the same… I still wanted to be open about this, just to clear the air. This doesn’t have to change anything if you don’t want it to! We can just move on, I mean, it’s a lot to ask anyways I don’t –”

A finger tucked beneath her chin, turning her focus to Mira’s teasing smirk. “And what exactly are you asking for, Rumi?”

She blinked owlishly at them, spotting the bright grin from Zoey next. Her mouth dried at the way they beheld her. “I… I’m, um…”

“Don’t be shy, it’s just us. What were you hoping for, baby?” Zoey prodded, bottom lip sucked between her teeth. She was nearly vibrating in her seat as she leaned closer.

The effortless calm they exuded soothed the tension from Rumi’s shoulders. Slowly, her posture relaxed, breaths coming a little more smoothly as she squeezed each of their hands. They weren’t judging her, nor were they put off by her confession. If anything, they seemed to already understand where she was going with this; they only asked for clarity because they wanted to hear her say it out loud. They were waiting for it.

“I want… I want us to be more. I want to be your girlfriend – I want you both to be my girlfriends! I don’t really know how this is all supposed to work with three of us but… I want us to figure it out together.” Rumi shut her eyes as her face flushed, quickly tacking on, “That is, if you both want that, too.”

With that, Zoey retracted her hands to clasp them over her own mouth, squealing as she kicked her feet under the table. In the next second she was on Mira, kissing her cheek as she enveloped her in a bone-crushing hug.

“I knew it, I knew she felt the same!” She gasped, breaking from Mira to slap her hands on the table and stand. “Oh my gosh this IS a date!”

Rumi reeled back in surprise, but Mira remained unfazed as she leaned back in her seat. With a lax grin, she peered at the youngest from the corner of her eye. “As if the sexy dress wasn’t an indicator?” 

Somehow Rumi blushed even redder.

“Oh come on, don’t act like you didn’t know exactly what you were doing with that. Thigh slit, shoulders exposed, backless. You wanted us to look, and we are more than happy to oblige.”

“Seriously, Ru, I might need you to model that for us again.” Zoey said, sitting back down. She propped her chin on both hands as she scanned the bashful girl before them. “Like at least nightly. I want to see you in my dreams.”

Hands hiding her face, she mumbled, “You guys suuuuck.”

“Sorry, not sorry. Teasing comes with the title!”

Rumi peeked through her fingers, eyes narrowed. “What title?”

Together, Zoey and Mira chimed, “Girlfriends.”

She began to groan in annoyance, but cut herself off as the word sunk in. Girlfriends. Was that a yes?

Hands clutched over her chest, Rumi lurched forward. “Wait, so you two – are you – you want this too?”

“Duh.” Mira snickered, head cocked to the side. “If all the flirting and pet names didn’t make it glaringly obvious, yes, we want this. To be honest, we’ve probably wanted this just as long as you, maybe longer. We just didn’t know how to bring it up before, we didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“So are you two already…?”

It was their turn to blush. Mira finished off the last of her champagne as Zoey floundered for a response. “Well, no – yes? Kind of. We talked about it, like a lot , and we’ve, you know, kissed, but it never felt right without you! We wanted you to be part of this before we really committed to anything.”

“Or at the very least we wanted to talk to you first,” Mira added. “We had a feeling – or we were just hoping, I guess, that you might feel the same as we did. Zoey and I agreed that it wouldn’t feel right to take things further if we didn’t at least take that chance on you. It had to be on your time though, not ours.”

Zoey leaned into her, shoulder to shoulder, smiling sheepishly. “We don’t really know how it’s supposed to work either, but it feels right, doesn’t it? The three of us together? It makes sense. I mean, I can’t imagine falling for anyone else like this.”

Heart slowing to a gentle thump in her chest, Rumi finally felt the last of her anxieties wane with their assurance. “Neither can I,” she sighed.

The rest of the evening was lighter than she could have imagined, basking in the company of her girlfriends , wrapping up the last course of their meal with freshly renewed energy. They shared bites, shared laughs, shared in the joy of what they could lovingly call their first date. The golden light surrounding them grew warmer the longer she sat with the feeling of being chosen, wanted even; the sounds, the music, all wove into an orchestra that filled her with life. 

Rumi’s heart was filled to bursting when they eventually left the restaurant, and in the privacy of the elevator the girls rounded on her with bedroom eyes and soft smiles. They were all nursing a pleasant buzz that left each with varying degrees of boldness. Mira was ultimately the first to act, slowly backing Rumi into the wall. 

Hands lightly settled on Rumi’s hips, Mira brought their faces just inches apart. Her eyes flickered down to Rumi’s lips, then back up as she asked, “May I?”

She could only nod in response. Rumi hardly had time to breathe before Mira was on her, kissing her with barely contained hunger as she pulled her closer. It was slow, cautious, but savoring. Mira took her time internalizing the feeling of lips slotting together like they were never meant to be apart, and the breathy whine gifted to her by the girl in her hands. 

Kissing Mira felt like swallowing a flame, Rumi realized. They parted for a fraction of a second to gasp for air before meeting each other once again, and that breath alone was enough to stoke the fire growing in her chest. Heat spread through her veins, scattered across her skin, ignited over every point of contact between them. It was overwhelming in the best way; Rumi wanted nothing more than to let this heat consume her.

Foreheads pressed together, Mira parted with a chuckle. “I think our audience is feeling left out.”

Rumi was only confused for a second before remembering where they were. Glancing beside her, she saw Zoey watching them wide eyed, jaw slack, nearly vibrating where she stood.

Zoey smacked her lips, blinking rapidly to reset herself. “Nope uuuuh, no! No I’m, I’m good. Great. Not left out at all! You two are… really hot, wow, that was… whew. ”

Giggling, Rumi reached a hand out to invite her over. “As fun as watching us must be, I’d really like to kiss you now.”

“Well, if you insist…”

Kissing Zoey then was much less controlled, more charged as the younger girl's energy surged through her. Rumi found her whole body electrified, every nerve buzzing to life as lithe hands skated over her hips, over her shoulders, hooking around her neck to lock her in place. Zoey tilted her head to deepen the kiss and that was all it took for Rumi’s brain to short circuit. Her entire world was centered on the women surrounding her; all her focus was on them, on Zoey , committing every sensation to memory in the safety of their little bubble.

The elevator dinged. Zoey sprung away from her and straightened out her jacket as if nothing happened, smiling a little too widely as she stepped out into the lobby. Hand in hand Rumi followed her girls in a daze as they left the hotel, out to the now empty street where their car was waiting to bring them home. This time, they sat side by side with Rumi sandwiched between them. 

Zoey scanned her face and giggled, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of her lips. “Our lipstick looks good on you, Rumi.”

Eyebrows high on her head, she pulled a small makeup mirror out of her bag to check herself. Sure enough, her lips were smudged red from Mira’s lipstick, made shiny by Zoey’s lipgloss. Flushed head to toe, Rumi buried her face and groaned. “Do you think anyone noticed?” She asked, voice muffled.

“Maybe. Maybe not. Would it be such a bad thing if they did?”

“No… I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready for the world to hear that we’re dating now.”

Mira draped her arm over Rumi’s shoulders, hand reaching to brush Zoey’s bangs out of her eyes as she beamed at them from Rumi’s other side.

“That’s okay, Ru. We can keep it lowkey until you’re ready,” Mira said. “No pressure to rush into anything.”

“Aaand in the meantime…” Zoey leaned in, pressing another kiss just below Rumi’s jawline. “We’ll just have to be sneaky with these.”

Rumi shivered beneath her touch, whimpering when Mira matched her on the other side. Squeezing her thighs together, Rumi tried not to lose whatever self control she had as the car began to move. Yes, they had privacy, but they certainly weren’t alone there. 

“Getting shy on us?” Mira muttered in her ear, audibly smirking.

“M-maybe a little…”

“Don’t worry, we don’t bite,” Mira nipped at the cuff of her ear, chuckling at the responding gasp. “Yet. ”

Zoey reached across and smacked her leg. “Down girl, can’t have her boneless before we even make it home.”

Mira begrudgingly agreed, hands raised in surrender as she slouched in her seat. From there the contact between them tamed, giving Rumi time to cool off as her face burned from the affections they showered her with. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to this, though she was more than willing to try. They had ample time, and years of repressed feelings to explore together. 

Rumi couldn’t wait to see where they went from here.

Chapter Text

For the first time in over a week, Rumi woke alone. Well, mostly alone. Derpy laid atop her with his chin on her chest, eyes shut as a steady purr rumbled through him; Sussie was perched on the headboard just above her, staring down with half-lidded eyes. Rumi patted the bed either side of her, seeking out the women she’d slept beside every night since the temple fiasco, but the sheets were woefully cold.

Sighing, Rumi shifted to rouse Derpy from his slumber. A bolt of pain lanced down her spine as she sat up, nearly grounding her right back down into the bed. 

“Shit that’s bad today.” She blew out a shaky breath, hoisting herself up the rest of the way. Scooting to the edge of the bed, Rumi steeled herself for the rough afternoon ahead. “Okay, just need to take it easy…”

She stood with a hiss, letting the ache in her legs wane before daring to step. She could walk well enough, her movements would just be slow for the day. Rumi could deal with that. It took a little extra time to go about her morning routine, and a little more care with how she moved, but she eventually made her way out to the living room where the lingering scents of breakfast remained. The girls were still nowhere to be found, though.

On a memo pad, Mira had left a note:

Woke up way too early so I made breakfast for us. Went for a jog, be back later. Love you both <3

- M

And below that, a smaller note from Zoey:

Morning Ru! You seemed tired so I figured I’d let you sleep in. Come find me in the recording studio after you eat!

- xoxZo

Warmth blossomed in her chest at their consideration for her. Now that their love was out in the open, every day seemed to bring a new opportunity for them to turn up the romance. Her girls were already thoughtful to begin with, but this new level of intimacy invited them to become even sweeter as they sought new ways to outdo themselves. As much as Rumi was loving all the attention, it left her feeling somewhat lost as well. She wanted to indulge them just as much as they did her, but she didn’t know how to. 

It felt like losing a race she didn’t know she was running.

Logically, she knew they didn’t quantify the loving gestures shared between them. They weren’t so shallow as to base their feelings on what they could receive in return, but Rumi couldn’t shake the thought that she was lagging behind in some way. Wolfing down her breakfast, she set her mind on dedicating the rest of the day to Zoey and Mira. 

That started in the kitchen with putting the rest of their food away, and dealing with the remainder of the dishes. Rumi then collected all the laundry they’d piled up in each of their rooms, starting the wash cycle on their behalf so they wouldn’t have to deal with it later. She swept the floor, cleaned up the living room, and busied herself with all the other menial chores she could think of. Anything to leave even one less task for them to worry about later. 

By the time she was finished the body aches had calmed, and Rumi was feeling much more clear headed. Neither of her girls had come back up, though, so it was time to hunt them down in the tower.

Zoey was easy enough to find. Rumi descended two floors to the recording studio where Zoey had been for several hours already, if the dozens of crumpled papers on the floor were anything to go by. She sat at the sound board slumped in her chair, staring at the blank pages of her notebook as she spun the pen between her fingers. Spaced out and visibly frustrated, she didn’t even hear Rumi walk in.

The half demon paced around the room first, feet kicking through the blanket of discarded pages like fallen leaves, stopping at the trashcan where most of them were piled around. Half buried in the trash she spotted a familiar notebook labeled “Diss Tracks”; the pages fell open to Takedown as soon as she picked it up.

The pages had been furiously scribbled over with black pen, but the lyrics and all their variants still sat poised as arrows waiting to fire away at a moment's notice. Bent and warped, the notebook almost seemed to rip at the seams as she turned it over in her hands.

She could more or less piece together what happened, and if she were correct then her heart ached all the more for her girlfriend. Sighing, Rumi finally made her presence known. She crossed the floor to come up behind Zoey, slowly wrapping her arms around her shoulders, notebook still in hand. Zoey tensed beneath her when she saw it.

“Fuck, sorry, you weren’t supposed to see that again,” Zoey muttered, trying to take it back. “I should’ve just ripped the damn thing up. I’m sorry. I’ll get rid of it, don’t worry –”

Rumi moved it out of her reach. “Hey hey, you’re fine Zo! I’m not worried about the notes, I’m worried about you right now. Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m good, sooo great. Couldn’t be better!”

Rumi wasn’t convinced. She swiveled the chair around and pulled up a nearby stool to sit with her, arms crossed over her chest as she waited. It only took a few seconds for Zoey to cave.

“Uugh, okay, no, I’m not good… I had such a good burst of inspiration when I woke up, but then I found this stupid diss track! And I remembered…” Zoey clicked her pen a few times, free hand rubbing her forehead as she propped her head up. “This was the last song we really worked on together, before… gods, Mira and I were so excited about it, and you – you had to put up with that song for weeks, Rumi, weeks! A song about how much we hate demons, about how we would break them down and destroy them. That’s fucking awful!”

Rumi reached over to place a hand on her knee, the same way Zoey would always do for her. “It’s okay, we’ve talked this through. I know none of that hate was directed at me, the circumstances were just screwed up. Don’t forget, I was on board with Takedown right up until that show. I played my part too.”

“I know, I know we’ve talked about it, we keep talking about it but I just – I can’t – UGH! It’s so frustrating!” Zoey threw her pen, watching it lodge in a cork board like a dart.

“What’s frustrating, sweetie?”

She began bouncing her leg anxiously, eyeing Rumi with a grimace. “You forgave us. You forgave us so easily as if we didn’t make you hate yourself enough to –” the words tapered off with a whimper, tears forming before Zoey could stop them. “You wanted to die, Rumi. We wrote a song that played into that self hatred, then when you told us you didn’t feel right about it we still pushed you to sing it!”

“Zo…”

“I was such an idiot. You were clearly uncomfortable, and I just kept hammering you with different lyrics that all said the same thing: I WANT TO KILL YOU!”

“Zoey!” Rumi looked aghast, but she couldn’t get another word in as Zoey sprung out of her chair.

“I know that’s not what I was actually saying!” She threw her hands up in the air, tears flowing freely now. “I know that, but all I can imagine is how much it must have hurt you to hear us singing that, to hear us harp on and on and on about how much we hate demons. We were hurting you, Rumi! That’s not okay! W-we should have realized, I should have seen it sooner, I never should have written that song!” Hiccuping through her sobs, she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “You were so scared, Ru…”

Rumi’s heart seized as the memory hit her. The shoving, the scathing looks, the exposure as they ripped her jacket away… it wasn’t them, she knew that. But the demons bore their faces, their voices – it was hard to separate that terror and betrayal from the image of them. 

“I saw the videos. I saw how they taunted you, how scared and confused and hurt you were when you were exposed on stage by some twisted, evil version of us! And instead of comforting you in your most vulnerable moment we pushed you away… I just don’t understand.” Arms dropping to her sides, Zoey stared at her with utter defeat. “How can you forgive us, after all of that? After we turned our backs on you? How? ”

The answer seemed so easy, so straightforward, because how could she not? Even in the moment Rumi understood what they were feeling back then, because Rumi had felt the same way at one time. She understood the conflict between the morals they were taught, and the bonds they held dear. She understood how hurt they had been after learning that Rumi had hidden that secret, and the betrayal of learning she’d trusted another demon with said secret before she trusted them.

Even when she ran away, she didn’t love them any less. She was hurt, yes, but she could never bring herself to hate them.

Standing, Rumi held her arms out and invited Zoey in, holding her tight as she broke down. They’ve done this for her plenty of times before, the least she could do was return the favor. After a minute passed with no sign of Zoey calming, the half demon side-stepped to sweep her up into her arms instead. 

“Wait wait, Rumi your back – ”

“I’ve got this, s’fine.” Rumi inhaled sharply, slowly making her way to the couch. “Mandatory cuddle time. You need it.”

She plopped down on the couch with a huff, keeping Zoey on her lap as the girl tucked her face in her neck. The change in positions was enough to rattle her out of her downward spiral, but she was still distraught as she leaned into Rumi.

“I’m so sorry… for all of it. I wish I could take it all back,” she mumbled, lip trembling.

“It’s alright, Zo, I forgave you for all of that a long time ago, and I’ll keep forgiving you until you can believe it.”

“But why? I don’t… I don’t deserve it.”

Rumi ducked her head to meet Zoey’s eyes, brows furrowed as she responded. “Okay first of all, that is fundamentally wrong. Second, I forgive you because I want to. Because I believe that you deserve it, and I love you too much to let this affect what we have now. Yes, you hurt me, but you’ve spent every day since helping me heal. You’ve given me so much love and patience, how could I not forgive you?”

Zoey studied her resolute expression, jaw clenched tight as she wrestled with every protest that sat heavy on her tongue, because Rumi was smiling at her with so much fondness, such surety, she just couldn’t bring herself to fight the pull of comfort.

“Thank you,” she whispered, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Of course.”

Rumi squeezed her tighter, settling in to enjoy the breath of quiet between them. She rubbed circles across Zoey’s back as she gradually calmed down, her other hand laid over her thigh to hold her in place. There was a brief pause to gauge Zoey’s state before Rumi pressed a tender kiss to the crease between her brows; to the tip of her nose; and with one more pause, a firmer kiss against her lips. 

Zoey readily leaned into it, hands drifting up to cup Rumi’s cheeks. They only parted for half a second for air before Zoey pressed in again, hoping with everything in her that she could banish the worst memories of that night from their minds.

They spent several minutes like this, kissing the hurt away, soothing the sting of too many regrets, until Rumi backed away with an amused chuff.

“Y’know, Takedown might’ve been the last song we worked on here, but that’s not the song we ended on.” Eyes sparkling, she grinned at the curious look on Zoey’s face. “We left our fans with a song that was much more memorable. That love, that unity, that’s what I remember most from that night. That’s what helped me move on.”

For a moment, Zoey let herself smile with pride. “We freestyled that, too… couldn’t have been more in sync if we tried.”

“See? Any time the memories of that night bother you, just remember all the good that came after. We have so much to be happy about now, and we deserve to enjoy it all.”

For the first time that afternoon, Zoey grinned, giving Rumi one last urgent kiss. “I love you so much.”

“Love you too, Zo.”

With some reluctance the younger girl slid off of Rumi’s lap, stretching her arms high above her head. She kicked a paper ball towards the daunting pile surrounding the trashcan, sighing to herself and her hands settled on her hips.

“Damn, I missed the trash that many times?” Her head dropped back with a groan. “I have no game, dude.”

“I can help you clean up,” Rumi offered, standing a little more slowly. Turns out lifting Zoey so suddenly did strain her back.

Totally worth it for cuddles, though.

Humming thoughtfully, she angled her head toward Rumi with a tinge of concern. “Actually, hey, did you see Mira on your way down?”

“No. She wasn’t back when you started here?”

Zoey shook her head. Rumi called their receptionist on the ground floor to ask if Mira had come back yet; she had, but made a passing remark about warming up for a long workout. Apparently, that had been over an hour ago.

The Honmoon tugged at her insistently, threads coiling around her legs to tug her towards the door. 

“Mira’s in the gym, I guess…” Rumi frowned.

Zoey matched her expression, shrinking a little as she sighed. “I’m sorry, do you think you could go ahead to check on her? I need to hang back and clean up. And, well, clean up. ” She motioned to her face with a lopsided grin. “I’ll meet you guys down there when I’m done.”

“Alright… just call if you need me back here, okay?”

At the affirmative nod, Rumi kissed her cheek. She left with some hesitance as Zoey began to gather the paper balls in her arms, the Honmoon urging her to move down the hall a little more quickly. Once again it seemed the Honmoon communicated in ways only she could understand. If Zoey had felt this, she wouldn’t have hung back.

Rumi couldn’t understand why though. There was nothing special about her training that would let her feel the Honmoon differently, so it had to be something about her specifically. Was it the fact that she was half demon? Or was it because she was the final nail in the old Honmoon’s proverbial coffin?

Half-joking to herself, she wondered if the new Honmoon grew louder just to keep her on a tighter leash.

As she descended to another floor dedicated to their personal gym and dance studio, a deeply unsettling feeling overcame her. There was something darker swirling in the air, something bitter that sat heavy on her tongue. Goosebumps raised across her arms as it twisted uncomfortably around her. Rumi’s heart skipped a beat when the elevator doors opened to raucous music and impossibly loud thumping of fists against leather.

Mira was poised in front of the floor to ceiling mirrors lining the far right wall, squared up against a punching bag that never seemed to stop swaying. Blow for blow she struck with a ferocity Rumi hadn’t seen in a long time. With Mira’s back to her she could only catch glimpses of her expression in the mirrors, and it chilled her to the bone.

She didn’t bear the intense focus she always had when training. Her expression wasn’t one of lackadaisical ease that came with casual workouts, or of rage on days when anger got the best of her. She looked dead inside, face blank but wide eyed, moving as if she were on autopilot. Each punch was all power and no technique, fully intended to damage rather than practice. Rumi’s heart ached more and more the longer she watched. 

This wasn’t just an outlet for her, she realized. This was punishment.

Rumi cut the music and stepped around to where Mira would hopefully see her without being caught off guard, palms out and passive as she called out to her. “Mira? Love, can you look at me please?”

Mira’s eyes shifted to her for half a second, then back to the bag. The hard line of her mouth curled downward ever so slightly, and threw all her weight into one last heavy punch that nearly snapped the punching bag off its chain. It creaked above them as she staggered, finally dropping her hands to her sides. Rumi noted that she wasn’t wearing any gloves, or even a wrap to protect her knuckles; her hands were already red and raw, starting to bruise from her uncoordinated strikes.

Rumi stepped closer, sullen as her girlfriend shrunk away from her. “Oh, baby, what happened? What’s going on?”

Having finally stopped, she struggled to catch her breath as she shook her hands off, pacing anxiously with a shake of her head. She tilted her head back to stop the tears that threatened to drop any second, hissing through gritted teeth. “I can’t. I can’t calm down, I just, I need this, I need to burn it off okay? It’s too much.”

It’s that kind of day for us, huh?

Sighing, Rumi caught Mira by her shoulders to stop her briefly. “Okay, okay, just… try to take some deep breaths. Drink some water if you can. I’ll be right back, just need to grab something.”

Nodding, Mira furiously swiped at a few tears that slipped. She turned with a growl to find her water bottle while Rumi dashed to find the foam padding they used to spar with. With those strapped on her forearms and legs, and a helmet protecting her head, she centered herself on the sparring mat. 

Mira caught her gaze in the mirror first, whipping her head around to look at her with wild eyes. “Rumi, no.”

“You said you need to burn it off. I can give you a better challenge than a static bag, so get over here! I can handle it.”

“This is a bad idea.”

“Maybe. But you breaking your knuckles is a worse idea.” Rumi tossed her a pair of gloves her way, bracing herself with a defensive stance. “You don’t have to deal with this alone. Just a few minutes, then if you’re feeling up to it we can talk. Or keep working out as long as you need, whatever helps. Let me be here for you.”

At that, Mira relaxed, though only slightly. She was still uncertain as she tightened the straps around her wrists and stepped onto the mat. Shaking her shoulders out, knees bent, she waited for one last signal from Rumi to move in. At her nod Mira lunged into action, throwing a few quick jabs against the flat pads her girlfriend held up. After the fifth hit, Rumi began to dodge and deflect, saying nothing when Mira shot her a questioning glare.

This exchange continued with increasing intensity as Rumi, true to her word, sought to challenge the fighter in order to tire her out faster. Without any warmup or stretches her body was unprepared for the impromptu sparring match, and she sucked in quiet hisses as the aches made themselves impossible to ignore. She wouldn’t tap out though, not until Mira was okay.

“You’re holding back, Mir,” Rumi said, blocking a weak high-kick. “Come on, let it out! You won’t break me!”

All motion stopped. 

Mira froze, arms hanging limp at her sides as she stared at Rumi with horror. 

“Sweetie?”

If she heard, she gave no response. Mira slowly backed away, peeling the gloves off as she stumbled to the nearest weight bench to sit. Her breathing was erratic, shallow, trembling as all sense of composure left her. She squeezed her eyes shut against the wave of nausea that rocked through her, and kept them shut even as she heard Rumi kneel before her. A trail of discarded body armor marked the path behind her.

“Mira, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

The girl simply shook her head, wringing her hands a little too tightly as she shuddered.

Sighing through her nostrils, Rumi took Mira’s hands in her own, carefully massaging her knuckles as she waited. Her girlfriend needed time, and she was more than happy to stay there and wait for her to be ready. 

When that time came, Mira ducked her head to press a kiss to her forehead, coming away with a watery smile. She pulled Rumi up to sit side by side, one hand laced with hers as the other brushed the last stray tears away.

“I… I had a nightmare… a pretty bad one, too. That’s why I woke up early. I thought going for a run would help but I was still feeling antsy, then I wound up here… not sure how long I’ve been down here to be honest. I lost track of time.” She flexed her fingers, soreness already building at the joints. “Definitely been a while.”

Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, Rumi rested her chin there with a pout. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really…”

“... buuuut?”

Mira hung her head with a sigh. “But I probably should .”

Rumi held her, head tucked beneath Mira’s chin as she listened to the steady inhale, the shaky exhale, and every hitch of breath inbetween. “You don’t have to force yourself if it makes you that uncomfortable.” Pressing a kiss to her jawline, she continued to assure her, “I just want you to know I’m here to listen any time you need me.”

“I know you are,” Mira said, peering down at her with the ghost of a smile. Her face fell as she gripped Rumi’s hand a little tighter, hand trembling as she began. “Things went… differently… after the Idol Awards. Instead of letting you run we chased you – hunted you – from a distance. We followed you all the way to the sanctuary and cornered you there. I can’t remember everything we said, or everything you said to us, but I know you were begging for mercy. You were begging for another chance, telling us how much you loved us. And we…”

Rumi clung to her tighter. She more or less knew where this was going already, but listened quietly as her girlfriend continued.

“... no, I cut you down. I killed you. I didn’t want to, I know I didn’t. I tried to fight it but it felt like something else was controlling me. I was just a fucking puppet, and you suffered because I was too weak to resist.”

“You would never hurt me, I know that.”

“I wouldn’t!” Mira exclaimed with desperation. “I fucked up before, I know that. But I-I wouldn’t hurt you, I swear. That’s not who I am! I just — I can’t get the image of you dying out of my head. You were so afraid, afraid of me. You should never feel afraid of me – of either of us! It isn’t right!”

Rumi held her tighter. With a hand on her cheek she coaxed Mira to look at her, looking up at her mournfully as she struggled to hold back sobs. “I’m not afraid of you,” Rumi assured her. “And you shouldn’t be afraid of yourself, either.”

“I don’t want to mess this up, I can’t ruin this Rumi, I can’t —”

“You won’t. Zoey and I are here to stay. Always. You won’t lose us.”

“I almost did —“

“But we’re still here.” Rumi kissed her tears away, whispering, “we’re right here, baby. We’re not going anywhere. Nothing, nothing is going to tear us apart again, I promise.” She pulled her in, letting Mira tuck her face into her neck as they clung to each other. “I’m here. I’m alive, because you two give me so many reasons to stay. You’re everything to me, my whole world. I love you so, so much Mira.”

“I do too, just for the record.”

Unbeknownst to both of them, Zoey had snuck in sometime between Mira panicking and Rumi kissing her fears away. She straddled the bench in the small gap on Mira’s other side, pressing as much of her body to Mira’s back as she could manage. Her arms wrapped around her waist, cheek squished between her shoulder blades, a soft sigh leaving her lips as she joined in the comfort.

It broke Mira even more to have both of them there, steadfast in their love and reassurance. The last of her grief bled out of her bones as she let herself cry in the safety of their embrace.

It took some time, but they eventually eased her back into a state of calm. Together, the three dried their eyes and straightened themselves out, not yet willing to part from each other. Mira mumbled a quiet apology, but neither of her girls were having it.

“Don’t apologize for hurting,” Rumi said. 

“Yeah, it’s not your fault if you got overwhelmed.” Zoey planted a kiss on her cheek, nuzzling into her as she sighed. “Seems like we’re both having bad brain days… that’s nothing to be ashamed of, it just happens sometimes.”

“You too, huh?” Mira’s hand settled atop Zoey’s, which rested against her stomach. “What happened, Zo?”

“Blegh. Writers block. Bad memories. I was thinking about Takedown too much again… Rumi helped me, though. You?”

“Nightmares. The usual insecurities. Still feels a little raw but I’m doing better.” She glanced at Rumi with a pleading look. “Please tell me you’re doing okay at least. You just got us through the shitter, if you’re having a bad mental health day too I’m fighting the universe.”

With a chuckle, Rumi shook her head. “Just the usual body aches for me, I’ll be fine.”

In unison, the girls shouted “WHAT?”

And continuing to speak over one another, they each admonished Rumi in their own ways.

“WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU PICK ME UP WHEN YOUR BACK IS HURTING?”

“You let me spar with you on a bad pain day?”

Pausing, Zoey and Mira stared at each other with jaws dropped.

“You two were SPARRING before I got here?” Zoey questioned, turning her attention to Rumi with a frown.

“In my defense, this one,” Rumi raised one of Mira’s hands, showing how chafed and bruised they were, “was abusing her poor hands before I came down here. She needed an outlet that wouldn’t hurt her anymore. I wore all the padding if that makes you feel better?”

Somehow, Zoey’s frown deepened even further as she reached out, carefully holding Mira’s bruised hand to her lips. “Oh, sweetie… it was a really bad one, huh?”

Mira nodded. Her eyes burned, angled upwards as she blinked away fresh tears. “Sorry. Can we not –”

They both crashed into her once more, holding her together before she could fall apart again. She exhaled in relief at the welcome distraction.

“Thanks. Uhm, you said Rumi picked you up earlier?” Mira asked.

Only a little smug, Zoey’s mouth quirked into a small smile. “Mmmmhm, princess style and everything. Her arms are super cozy.”

“Well now I’m just jealous. When do I get to be carried by someone?”

“I can carry you upstairs?” Rumi offered.

“Absolutely not.” Mira thumped her forehead playfully. “You’re benched for the day, no more physical anything whatsoever. Did you even stretch today?”

“... no.”

“Rumi!”

“Sorry, I forgot! I was a little more worried about my girlfriends than the stretches.” 

Mira shook her head disapprovingly, but pulled her in for a grateful kiss nonetheless. When they parted with a sigh, Mira kept their foreheads pressed together. “Thanks for taking care of us,” she said. “You’re really incredible, you know that?”

Before Rumi could respond Zoey lurched forward to peck her lips, pulling a surprised squeak from her. Settling back, she propped her chin on Mira’s shoulder with a grin. “Wouldn’t hurt to remind her more.”

“You two are ridiculous.” With a bashful smile, Rumi stood. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’d like to take the rest of my lazy day upstairs. You coming with?”

“Definitely!”

Together, the trio took the elevator back upstairs, hand in hand as they gathered in the living room. Zoey broke off to wander into the kitchen and Mira and Rumi sagged into the couch, coming back moments later with an armload of snacks and a pair of ice packs. The snacks were dropped unceremoniously onto the coffee table; the ice packs were placed with a little more care onto Mira’s hands, making her wince at the sting.

“Fuck, yeah… that smarts,” she hissed. 

“They’re not fractured or anything, right?”

“Naaaah, just sore. I’ll be fine. Thanks for the ice, baby.”

Zoey was beaming as she plopped down beside Mira, leaning over to snuggle into her arm. She pressed a kiss to her jawline, reaching across to take Rumi’s free hand as she fiddled with the tv remote. They settled on the first movie they could find, volume low, and basked in the mundanity of it all. 

No one spoke for a while. The moment felt too fragile, too tender to muster any of the usual banter. They just needed the peace and quiet, just to recenter themselves after the rough morning they’d had. 

When Rumi eventually began tearing into the snacks, she offered the first bite to Mira without a word. It made her heart melt, being so cared for. The last whispers of her nightmare were silenced as Zoey, too, shared a morsel of her own. It was insanely cute.

“We’re turning into those sappy couples that constantly dote on each other.” Mira scrunched her nose at the mental image of heart eyes and goofy pet names. “You’re ruining my badass image.”

Zoey offered her another piece of chocolate with a grin. “I mean, we were kind of there already?”

Mira eyed her up and down, then smirked. Leaning in, she took the chocolate and let her tongue dart out to lick between her thumb and pointer finger, making Zoey blush beet red. She kept their eyes locked as she licked her lips.

“Payback, for licking my hand at the temple.” 

Chuckling under her breath, she left Zoey sputtering and turned her attention to Rumi, flushed and frozen on her other side. Mira leaned in to press a soft, languid kiss against her, drinking in the quiet sigh she breathed in response. Mira took it a step further and licked her bottom lip almost questioningly, grinning internally when Rumi parted her lips in invitation.

The kiss deepened, tongues danced with equal parts hesitance and need until Rumi was forced to break away for air. In a daze, she found herself wondering how much more she could strengthen her lungs to prevent this in the future.

Mira caught her attention again with a snicker and a sleazy grin. “Sorry, you looked like you wanted a taste.”

The aftertaste of chocolate sat on Rumi’s tongue, along with the heady burn of desire and clear notes of embarrassment as she covered her face. 

“You are the worst, ” she groaned.

“Oh? Seemed like I was doing pretty well just a second ago. I can try again if you want?”

“Oh my gods shut up,” Rumi giggled, slapping a hand over Mira’s mouth; she could feel the grin against her palm.

“And miss out on all this? Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Shaking her head, Rumi leveled her gaze at Zoey, who was quietly smoldering on Mira’s other side. “Please help me control our girlfriend.”

“No can do, too busy enjoying the show.”

“Got you 2 to 1 Ru,” Mira smirked. “ You are more than welcome to take control… if you think you can.”

Her heart leapt into her throat at the obvious challenge. Uncertainty stilted her movements, but the invitation to shower them with affection was too tempting to pass up. With a wicked grin Rumi swung her leg over to straddle Mira’s lap. She could see Mira’s breath hitch, feel the twitch of hands moving to grasp her hips but stopping just short to fall back to the couch.

Rumi brought their faces just inches apart, letting the tense silence hang between them like a promise, only to hold herself back at the last second. “Sorry,” she whispered, “you’ll have to wait your turn.”

She remained firmly seated on Mira’s lap as she turned to Zoey, hooking a hand around her neck to pull her into a deep, needy kiss. It caught her off guard, but she easily adapted to the shift as lips parted for Rumi to explore to her heart’s content. Mira was as annoyed as she was enraptured at the display before her. As hard as it was to resist pouncing on them, she was happy to exercise patience in favor of letting them have their fun. 

Especially when Rumi clenched her thighs, squeezing Mira’s legs between her own as she ground downward. The heat pooling between them sent a shudder through her, and as desperate hands sought out Rumi’s hips she began to search for opportunities to join the heated makeout session unfolding on her lap.

Zoey broke away to press feverish kisses to Rumi’s jaw, then neck, down to her collarbone, and that’s when Mira finally struck. She took a moment to trace her tongue along the patterns of Rumi’s neck before latching onto her pulse point, nipping and sucking on the spot until she felt their leader arch into her. Hands skated along her waistline, then dared to work their way beneath the baggy t-shirt that was very much in Mira’s way . She wanted more, wanted to feel closer, wanted to see her , but she forgot one small detail in her wandering touch.

Frigid hands pressed to heated skin, making Rumi yelp between them. “Cold cold COLD – ”

Mira quickly retracted her hands as she stammered out an apology, rubbing careful circles over her shirt to warm the spots she just shocked with her ice-cold hands. With a resigned sigh she sagged back into the couch. 

“Sorry, I literally forgot about the ice, that’s my bad.” She rolled her eyes, scoffing at herself. “Just had to cockblock myself, huh?”

Rumi scrunched her nose in distaste, but Zoey laughed from her spot on the couch as she wiped a tear from her eye. “You totally did!”

They couldn’t help it; her laugh was too infectious not to join in. The sound of shared joy tumbled out of them in waves, blending together, encapsulating them in a comfort they all desperately needed. 

Mira clicked her tongue, resting her forehead on Rumi’s shoulder as she jeered. “What a mood killer, huh?” 

“It’s probably for the best. Things were getting pretty heated… good heated, but, you know…” Rumi trailed off, ears burning as her mind wandered to places she wasn’t quite ready to face.

The uptick in intimacy had led to plenty of moments like this, moments where they crept closer and closer to that final act without crossing the line. She felt guilty egging them on like this. The girls were pent up, that much she could tell. Rumi just couldn’t bring herself to take things any further.

As much as she wanted everything with them, she still didn’t feel ready to embrace it.

Still, they always met her with reassurance that they were more than happy to wait. 

“Eh, today wasn’t the day for it,” Mira said.

Zoey bobbed her head with an affirmative hum. “Yeeaaah, as sexy as you two are I think I have to agree. It’s been way too emotional to really get into it.”

“Are you two feeling a little better at least?”

“Getting there.” Mira groaned. “Just hoping I can sleep without any issues.”

“We’ll get you through it even if you can’t,” Zoey chimed, kissing her cheek.

For the rest of the evening a quiet peace surrounded them, and allowed them to ease into the cool embrace of night with few issues plaguing their minds. Tucked neatly in the safety of Rumi’s bed, they lay with Mira in the center, her girls tucked under her arms as they snuggled under the covers. Rumi wondered if she had done enough; if they were ending the day feeling loved, feeling cared for as much as they deserved to be. She couldn’t help but feel that she should’ve been better, should’ve done more , a hundred other scenarios playing through her head for what she could have done differently to make their day better. Somehow, despite the silence of her contemplation, Mira caught the signs of her overactive mind.

“Someone isn’t relaxing like they should be,” she joked, giving Rumi a light jostle.

“Sorry, just… thinking.”

“Clearly. I can practically hear the gears churning in there. What’s on your mind?” Mira asked, giving her an encouraging smile

Zoey blinked the grogginess from her eyes as she propped her chin on Mira’s chest. Both kept their gazes on Rumi, who was chewing her bottom lip as she worried over the best way to ask how on earth to be a good girlfriend.

“Am I… am I doing this right?”

They each arched an eyebrow at her, with Zoey nodding at her to continue.

“I just, I feel — I don’t think I’m doing enough for you two.” Rumi grumbled. “I constantly feel like I’m missing something, like… like I’m not doing all the things a good partner is supposed to do. But I want to! I just don’t know how to get there.”

Propping herself up on one arm, she slung the other over Mira’s stomach to meet Zoey’s on her other side. “Should I be more intimate? More flirty? Or — or less? Should we have gone further by now? Am I holding us back?”

Eyes wide, Zoey took the lead and laced their fingers together. “Oh, sweetie, no, there’s no pressure to rush into that! It’s not… it’s not a box to check off, sex should never be a requirement. It’s a choice we’ll all make together, organically, when the time is right.”

“You’ve been perfect so far, Rumi. If you want to be more intimate, or less, we’re open to all of it. But you don’t have to change a single thing, you’re already an amazing girlfriend.” Mira leaned over to press a kiss against her forehead, chuckling low in her throat. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how the apartment is literally spotless. You do so much for us already and you don’t even realize it.”

Zoey gasped, reaching across to gently smack Rumi’s arm. “You did do the laundry! I knew something was missing!”

Rumi blinked, then gasped for a different reason. “I FORGOT TO FOLD IT!”

The girls couldn’t help but laugh at the momentary panic that flashed across her face. Mira tightened her grip, pulling Rumi in closer so she couldn’t squirm away from them. “Only you would freak out about not folding our clothes for us. Leave it for tomorrow, Ru, you’ve done more than enough for today.”

She pouted, but relented nonetheless. Rumi let herself sag into the mattress as, one after the other, her girls drifted off effortlessly. The exhaustion of the day easily pulled them into dreamless slumber. Rumi, however, couldn’t settle down. Her body was just sore enough to prevent her from getting comfy, her mind a little too active to quell the self-doubts that continued to linger.

Instead, she focused on them. On the soft, wheezy sigh that left Mira’s lips as she turned her head toward Zoey; on the squish of Zoey’s cheek against Mira’s chest as she mumbled in her sleep. She honed in on every inhale, on the comfort she hoped would fill every fiber of her being with every intake of breath. With every exhale she imagined all the bad air leaving them, carrying away the worst of their hurts and worries.

Mira’s nose twitched as a new sound cut through the silence, the muted scrape of fur against cardboard as Derpy pawed at a box on the floor by Rumi’s desk. She waved at him as frantically as she could without shaking the bed, trying to get him to stop so he wouldn’t wake either of the girls. Slowly, Derpy’s head rotated towards her, drifty eyes centering on her as she pressed a finger to her lips.

He pawed the box flaps again, letting them spring back in comical fashion.

With a groan Rumi flopped back against Mira. She could almost feel the pull of sleep. Even if Derpy kept playing with the box, she could almost drift off peacefully.

Almost, if only the damn Honmoon didn’t blink at her from every corner of the room.

Threads of the barrier brushed over them in a gentle caress, one that left Zoey and Mira sagging deeper into the bed as Rumi felt every nerve fire across her body. It seemed the universe didn’t quite want her to relax yet.

Carefully as she could, Rumi peeled herself away from her girlfriends. She tucked her favorite teddy bear under Mira’s arm to take her place as she pulled the blankets over them, leaving each with a kiss on the forehead before leaving the bed. The Honmoon swelled around the box, flashing brightly all the way up until she reached her desk. Derpy tilted his head at her curiously as she picked it up; Sussie, perched on the headboard, twittered quietly to lull the others into deeper sleep.

Rumi sighed heavily through her nostrils as she pried the box open. These were the items given to her by Celine during that last visit, items that she just couldn’t bring herself to look at out of fear for the feelings they might wrench out of her chest. This would be her first time even opening the box since that day. At the Honmoon’s insistence, though, she finally forced herself to face it.

One by one she quietly laid the contents of the box out across her desk. There were a number of old, yellowed notebooks all stacked together, tied up neatly with a piece of twine. In another corner of the box was a leather case full of cd’s and a red walkman with Miyeong’s name scrawled along the side in faded black ink. The third cluster of items consisted of photos, some framed, others shielded in plastic bags; among the photos were a set of paint swatches bound with a paper clip, all in various tints and shades of blue.

The Honmoon schooled itself into a state of calm, lapping across her legs as she sat. She switched on her lamp, adjusting it to the lowest setting possible to keep the light dim, and began sorting through the items before her.

“Alright. Show me what you’re so antsy about,” Rumi whispered.

It gave her no obvious starting point, only pulses of encouragement as she let her own instinct drive her choice.

This is going to be a long night…

Chapter Text

Rumi jolted awake with a gasp, fingers clawing into plush fabric as she tried and failed to sit up. Every muscle was tensed, igniting with fierce aches as she struggled to draw in air. Her nerves were on fire. Pins and needles prickled at every inch of her skin. There was a strange clacking noise rattling through her head, and as she flexed her jaw she realized it was her teeth chattering away.

Curling in on herself, Rumi shuddered as she registered the cold next. Her body trembled at the feeling of ice flowing through her veins, as if a blizzard raged beneath her skin. 

Why can’t I get warm?

The weight of three different blankets was draped over her, and the sweet scent of vanilla wafted off a sweatshirt she knew wasn’t hers as she pulled the covers up to her chin. A light pressure settled on her shoulder, pulling bleary eyes upwards.

“Oh thank goodness you’re awake,” Zoey blurted. “You scared the crap out of us Rumi!”

Forming words was damn near impossible. She could hardly breathe at that moment, let alone piece together a single thought. Her attempt at speaking resulted only in a long, drawn out wheeze.

Zoey was immediately on her knees before her, one hand resting on Rumi’s cheek as the other smoothed her hair. The heat of her palm was a godsend.

Visibly alarmed, Zoey turned her head to call into the apartment, “Mira? Babe she’s still freezing! Did you find the heating pad?”

A string of curses echoed from somewhere Rumi couldn’t see.

“No, dammit, where did we put that stupid thing?”

“Try my room!” Zoey turned back to Rumi, rubbing her thumb over her cheekbone. “It’s okay, don’t worry, we’ve got you. Do you remember what happened?”

It was all she could do to shake her head no.

“Okay, okay that’s fine, we’ll get to that later. We just need to get you warmed up first.”

Through clacking teeth and a jaw that wouldn’t unclench, Rumi finally eked out a few words. “C-can’t… n-n-need, need you.”

It took a moment for her to process, but Zoey eventually pulled up the corner of the blankets to slide under. She held her girlfriend tight, hands nestling under her shirt to rub her back. A combination of friction, body heat and loving comfort helped calm the worst of Rumi’s shivering, gradually soothing the stiffness from her body.

“Thank – th-thank you,” she whispered, tucking her face in Zoey’s neck.

“Of course… whatever you need, just tell me and I’ll take care of it.”

“S-stay?”

Zoey kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”

Mira rushed back into the living room with a heating pad in one hand and a tangled mass of cords in the other. It took some time for her to get everything hooked up, but it was worth it when she hopped over the back of the couch with the heating pad already warming.

“Hey, how’s our girl doing?” She asked, laying the pad across her lap.

“Better, but not great. Here, I’ll take that.” Zoey reached out to take the device, sliding it between herself and Rumi. “Stomach or back?”

“S-s-sto – stom-m –” she growled in frustration at her inability to speak, “he-here.”

Shaking hands grasped the fabric to keep it in place, slowly relaxing as the heat thawed her bones. With a sigh of relief she sagged into the couch, breaths coming a little easier the more her body settled. 

Mira sat somewhere above her head, watching with bated breath for Rumi’s reactions. When the half demon craned her neck to peer up at her, her gaze softened. “Hey cutie, feeling a little better?”

Rumi nodded. Wordlessly she pressed closer to Zoey, opening a narrow gap between her back and the couch for Mira to slide in. She did so without hesitation.

“Alright cuddlebug, you’re lucky this couch is wide,” she chuckled, draping her arms over her girlfriends. “If we move even one inch Zoey is falling on her ass.”

“Eh, worth it,” Zoey shrugged, nuzzling the back of Rumi’s neck.

She couldn’t help but shiver for a different reason at the feeling of lips pressed to her nape. Molten heat spread outward across her shoulders in a soothing embrace, schooling the last of her tremors over time. She still felt chilled to the bone, but at least she had some control back.

“I-I think… I think I’m okay,” Rumi mumbled.

Soft fingers pressed to the small of her back, and Zoey’s voice reached her ears soon after. “Your skin still feels cold, are you sure?”

“Uhm, m’getting there. I’m just really confused… and tired. What happened to me?”

Mira propped herself up on an elbow so she could get a better look at both of them. Brows furrowed, she leveled her gaze at Rumi, who was peering up at her with bewilderment. “Your little experiment went sideways and turned you into an ice cube.”

She blinked once, twice, squinting as she searched her most recent memories. She remembered pulling an all nighter, mind bogged down with too much information to process alone. A sleepy morning spent explaining her findings between tiny bites of food. A revelation triggered by the two creatures that walked the apartment floors like they owned the place. Then…

Oh. Fuck.

She remembered what went wrong earlier that day.

– –

In hindsight, she really shouldn’t have gotten away with it for as long as she had. Rumi had spent the whole night poring over the contents of the box, and would have remained that way well into the morning if her girlfriends didn’t wake early. A teddy bear is no substitute for a warm body, after all, and as sunlight filtered through the windows Zoey stirred, getting a faceful of dawning light and not of her beautiful, lilac haired girlfriend. 

Rumi was still seated at her desk, rubbing the fatigue from her eyes as she scoured through a worn old notebook. The pages crinkled as she flipped back to the front, then to a tab at the very end, and quietly typed out a note on her laptop. A pair of over-ear headphones adorned her head, helping pin back her long hair as it flowed free of her usual braid.

Zoey snuck up behind her with practiced ease, hands gripping her shoulders firmly to spin her around. She slid the headphones down to rest on Rumi’s neck as she stared up at her with bloodshot eyes, frowning at the exhaustion weighing down on the half demon’s body.

“You are not working at the ass crack of dawn,” Zoey mumbled.

Rumi blinked at her exaggeratedly. “Technically no, I’m not.”

Zoey looked over her shoulder at the objects littered across her desk. A stack of notebooks, some old, some new; a cd case flipped open to a blank labeled ‘GOLDEN THEORY’; a walkman churning away, nearing the end of whatever was currently playing.

Sleepy eyes drifted over to the stack of photos next, staring at one of baby Rumi held in her mother’s arms. The overwhelming urge to coo at the sight of it was quickly overshadowed by her concern as Rumi shrunk into herself.

“I uh… couldn’t sleep. My body was hurting and the Honmoon kept nagging me –”

“The Honmoon?” Zoey frowned even more deeply. “What’s going on with the Honmoon?”

Rumi winced. Sighing to herself, she tried to avert her gaze as Zoey leaned closer, and closer, nearly nose to nose to lovingly pressure Rumi to spill whatever secret she was hiding. When that didn’t work, Zoey returned to the bed.

“MIRA!” She pounced, bouncing on the mattress to land squarely on Mira’s thighs. “EMERGENCY MEETING!”

Mira bolted upward with a snort, scanning the room frantically before ultimately landing on Zoey with wild eyes. “Dude, it is way too early for this. Explain.”

She simply pointed across the room to Rumi, who was watching them with a tight lipped smile. Mira narrowed her eyes at the mess on her desk.

“Uuuugh, I’ll go make some coffee…”

Mira shifted Zoey off her lap and padded out of the room, returning with three steaming mugs several minutes later. Zoey had pulled up an ottoman and a beanbag to gather round Rumi, who busied herself trying to organize some of the clutter before even attempting to explain what she’d uncovered. 

Mira flopped down into the beanbag, deflating as she peered up at her girlfriends. “Alright, lay it on me. What’s up?”

“Rumi didn’t sleep at all –”

“Zoey!”

“– and apparently something is going on with the Honmoon.”

With a groan, Rumi set her mug aside along with the headphones, pausing the recording she was listening to. She motioned to Derpy, who was sprawled out on the floor at the foot of the bed. “He kept fussing with that box Celine left for me. I haven’t even touched it since we got home that day, but as soon as Derpy started playing with it the Honmoon reacted like it… like it wanted me to see. So I spent the night going through it all, trying to figure out what the barrier wants to tell me.”

“The Honmoon speaks to you?” Mira questioned, sharing a look with Zoey. She shrugged her shoulders in response.

“Not verbally. It’s just this feeling I get, like the shudder we’d all feel when there’s a breach. It’s different for me though, it’s almost constant . A random nudge, a little brush of the threads, humming across the veil – it’s trying to communicate in its own way, I just can’t decipher what any of it means..”

Perking up, she spun to rifle through some of the items on her desk, turning back to them with a worn notebook in one hand and the paint swatches in the other. Flipping open to a halfway point in the notebook, she pointed out a few journal entries written by her mother.

“Here, look. My mom experienced something like this too. Just like her I’ve been seeing really specific blues across the Honmoon, not all the time but often enough to be weird. I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean but I know it’s important.”

Zoey skimmed over the page, mouthing the words as Mira flipped through the paint swatches, finding notes left by Miyeong on the backs of each that helped narrow down which color seemed closest. Even her best approximation wasn’t exactly right, apparently, but the closest find was a bright baby blue. 

“We saw this at the temple, didn’t we?” Mira asked, tapping Zoey’s knee with the swatch.

Zoey squinted at it, cocked her head to the side, and shrugged. “It was more… electric?”

“Okay, sure, but not what I was getting at.”

“Oh. OH!” Zoey pointed at Rumi with the notebook, wide eyed as she explained, “It was after you fainted! It was almost like a tear but it sealed itself up without us having to do anything.”

“I saw a blue line leading me up to that area, that’s the reason why I came across that demon in the first place,” Rumi responded. “Did the signs of demon activity change with the new Honmoon?”

“It’s possible, but if your mom was seeing this too then that can’t be it.”

“But it’s definitely connected to Rumi,” Mira added.

A beat of silence passed between them. Rumi slouched in her seat, rubbing the tension from her temples as she sighed. “I’m getting a little tired of being at the center of all this. Why can’t I just be normal? Like, one week of nothing happening, that’s all I want.”

“We’ll get there… right now we need to figure out what this is, though.”

Before they could even begin, Rumi’s stomach growled. With a sheepish chuckle, Rumi grinned at her girls. “Maybe we can go over it while we eat?”

“I’ll cook!” Zoey exclaimed, shooting up off her seat.

She scampered out of the room to get an early lead while Rumi gathered everything back into the box to move it all, eyes lingering on the photo of her and her mother as she tucked it away. Her heart felt heavy at the thought of her, and everything she’d learned from studying the objects left behind.

You tried your best, mom… hopefully I can find answers for both of us.

Mira offered to carry the box out, and though it wasn’t all that heavy Rumi allowed herself to be taken care of in this small way. Admittedly, her body was still sore from the day prior. Anything that lightened the physical strain was helpful then.

They joined Zoey in the kitchen and laid everything out on the island, watching with some amusement as she grabbed armfuls of ingredients to lay out on the counter. Even waking early like this, she was somehow full of energy and more than ready to expend it on an indulgent breakfast for them. 

With everything set, they gathered around to listen as Rumi explained everything she found. 

She began with the notebooks, now marked periodically with colored tabs after a whole night of poring over their contents. The earliest entries written by her mother cataloged her idol training, first solo and then alongside the other soon-to-be Sunlight Sisters. There were fewer bookmarks here apart from ones to track notable differences in their generation’s training versus Rumi’s.

The tabs grew in number as they entered the phase where Miyeong figured out she was pregnant, especially towards the last few months when Rumi grew the fastest. Miyeong had made observations about the patterns marking her skin, about an unearthly warmth that clung to her even in the coldest conditions; she noted with some trepidation that the Honmoon seemed to react more strongly to her voice, her song, her summons. 

Two months before Rumi was born, Miyeong felt a compulsion to sing almost daily for her in the privacy of her room, murmuring soft lullabies and wordless melodies that made the Honmoon dance around her. Bright blue waves would ripple around her, envelop her in a shimmering embrace like a proud parent congratulating their child on a job well done. She noted with fondness how Rumi would kick any time threads of the barrier brushed across her stomach, and in the present Rumi had to blink quiet tears away.

There was a long gap between the weeks leading up to Rumi’s birth, and the point where Miyeong had finally recovered enough to write again. In that time she’d noticed the Honmoons particular affinity for the newborn, the way it almost constantly threaded itself into tiny hands or blanketed itself over her slumbering form. When she cooed or giggled, or even cried, the Honmoon would answer.

They were connected on a deeper level than any of the hunters, but Miyeong didn’t know whether to fear that change or embrace it. Her child was half demon. By all intents and purposes the barrier should have rejected her. But even her full blooded father was allowed to linger in the human realm, and could spend longer periods in the sanctuary with his growing family. Things seemed to have worked out perfectly for all of them.

After Rumi’s first birthday, the entries stopped abruptly. The last journal ended with a photo of Miyeong, exhausted and haggard but smiling all the same, cradling Rumi beneath the shade of the tree.

The end of the journal marked her passing.

The next picked up a year later from Celine’s perspective, navigating the loss of her dear friend and the sudden responsibility left in her hands. The weight of parenthood, the weight of the world on her shoulders, was almost too much to bear. She would shoulder it all the same, though, and do everything in her power to protect their legacy while protecting the world as the Honmoon waned. 

When Rumi’s patterns emerged, Celine’s writing grew colder, clinical; her priorities shifted from giving Rumi the happy life Miyeong wanted for her to seeking out a cure. She refused to accept anything less than a permanent erasure of the demon residing within Rumi, fearful of what might happen if the patterns spread further; fearful of what loss and grief doubled over would do to her spirit.

That task became infinitely harder with the Honmoon’s interference, however. 

Beyond choosing Rumi as one of the next hunters, the barrier also began to swaddle the young girl in her own protective veil, amplified tenfold after the botched exorcism. Any other efforts made by Celine to deal with Rumi’s inner demon were thwarted as the Honmoon made itself impossible to ignore. She, too, received clear signs warning her against anything that might endanger Rumi.

Thus the hiding, the secrets, the lies began. 

The Honmoon calmed; the signs changed, setting them on a different path marked by otherworldly blues.

Rumi brought out the final journal, and fanned out the paint swatches across the table as she glanced at the women beside her. “It was here when Celine started seeing that specific blue, just like my mom,” she explained. “When we were first introduced to you two Celine saw a physical shift in the barrier. It shimmered blue at our feet as we all connected, and did it again the first time we tried to harmonize. She thought it was just the Honmoon making it clear that you were chosen as the next two hunters, but I don’t know… I can’t help but wonder if there’s something more to all this. There has to be, right?”

“Like some magical destiny shit,” Zoey whispered, starry eyed.

“I mean, we kind of already did that?” Mira snickered. “We didn’t turn it golden but we sure did something to the barrier. Maybe all the signs were leading to that?”

“But why would it still be happening after we restored it?” 

Mira pursed her lips, staring at the paint swatches as she adjusted her glasses. “What else could we even do though? The Honmoon is the strongest it’s ever been, Gwi-Ma is gone… it’s way too early to train new hunters, isn’t it?”

“Will we even need to?” Zoey questioned, suddenly fearful of the thought of having to raise up the next generation.

Rumi hummed in thought. Celine in her late twenties when she began training them. It wasn’t that outlandish to think that the Honmoon might be urging them to seek out new hunters. But they were entering an era of peace; if the new barrier really was as strong as it seemed, they shouldn’t need new hunters.

Somehow, that thought hurt worse than the idea of passing the torch.

That was always the goal, to create a shield that would seal hell forever. Whichever generation accomplished such a feat was intended to be the last. The age of demon hunters would end. It would end with them.

She should be proud of that. Something about it just didn’t sit right with her, however.

“It’s not time to train anyone new,” Rumi decided. “We’ve already seen that some demons lingered after we reforged the Honmoon. Our work isn’t done, and to be honest, I don’t feel right about putting that responsibility on someone else. No, something else is going on. There has to be something we’re missing.”

Nodding, Zoey turned the laptop so they could all see the screen, along with Rumi’s notes. “Okay, let’s go over it then. This all started when you were conceived, right? I guess the Honmoon formed, like, an attachment to you?”

“Almost feels like it chose you for the next generation before you were even born,” Mira added.

“Literal nepo baby,” Rumi joked. Zoey smacked her arm with an admonishing frown. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll be nicer to myself.”

“Good!” Their maknae scrolled down through the notes, latching onto another point. “Well if we’re rolling with any sort of pre-determined destiny theories, maybe it did choose you, Rumi. The first and only half-demon hunter. You have a connection to both sides of the veil, maybe it was always supposed to be you. Maybe that’s why no previous generations ever turned the Honmoon golden.”

“I… don’t know if I like that. I destroyed the barrier at the Idol Awards. If that really was predetermined, why would the Honmoon want that?”

Mira propped her head up on her hand, eyeing each of her girlfriends in turn. “We maintained the old Honmoon out of obligation, to preserve the legacy the old hunters left behind. But times have changed, like a lot . New age, new Honmoon. It makes sense.”

“Maybe…” 

Zoey scrolled again. “Well what about the blue lines? The Honmoon is trying to lead us to something . If it’s not another demon or the next trio, what else could it be telling us?”

“It has to be connected to me somehow, it always is,” Rumi said. She held up the bright blue paint swatch, holding it close to face as she squinted at it. “Supposedly, this was the closest color mom could find to matching those lines, but it still wasn’t quite right. Is there a… a color finding app, or something? Maybe if I see it I’ll think of something.”

“I don’t suppose you could just ask the Honmoon to show us?” Mira quipped.

“Probably not, no.”

Zoey whipped out her phone to search, quickly finding an app to download. “This’ll take a sec. Keep talking!”

“Uuh. Okay, well… let’s go back to the temple. The blue line led me to that demon, and that demon was connected to my parents… maybe it has to do with them?”

Mira perked up, eyes arched high on her forehead. “Wait, yeah! That whole thing at the temple is what brought us back to Celine in the first place, it has to be connected.”

Rumi nodded in agreement at first, then sighed in frustration. “And that visit led to us getting the box. Dammit.” Rubbing her temples, she growled as she scanned over the items laid out in front of them once more. “We keep going in circles, there has to be something I’m missing, one last puzzle piece that’ll make this make sense…”

Chest tightening, she brushed her hand over the final journal. “Should I… should I call Celine?”

The girls stilled beside her. Neither spoke right away, but Rumi could feel tension mounting as the question hung above them. Mira drummed her fingers against the counter; Zoey kept her eyes glued to the phone. They had their own thoughts and feelings about their mentor, but it was ultimately Rumi’s decision on whether or not to ask her for help.

Still, Mira couldn’t help but offer, “Maybe we save her as a last resort?”

Rumi didn’t respond.

In the heavy pause, the app finished downloading. Zoey aimed her camera at the paint swatch and saved it, then laid her phone flat on the countertop to show them. The tab she had pulled up was a simple color wheel, with a square at the center showing a vast range of blues. She began to drag her finger across it, lightening or darkening the color as she moved from one corner to the other.

“This should work, right? We’ll find the color, then… I don’t know. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Rumi and Mira nodded in turn, but Mira was first to comment, “Well you said more electric soooo… brighter?”

Zoey made the adjustment. It took a lot of trial and error, dozens of miniscule shifts in brightness, saturation, tone – truthfully, none of them knew what they were doing. It was as fun as it was aggravating trying to find the right tint. The color they eventually landed on was a few tints lighter than the one Miyeong tried to name previously, but still a hair away from being perfect.

“We’re so close but it’s like… it’s just not natural, you know?” Rumi dragged her hands down her face. “It feels so familiar, I’ve seen it somewhere else, I just can’t connect it to what. ”

The girls hummed in contemplation as they picked at the last morsels of food on their plates, long since cold after ages of debate over paint colors of all things. Rumi felt a prickle in the air, like static ghosting across her skin. From the corner of her eye she watched Derpy phase through the wall and slope into a stretch, yawning with a gaping maw as Sussie preened on his head. The Honmoon parted like a curtain on their entry, and slowly wove itself shut behind them.

And ethereal blue shimmered across threads of the barrier for a few seconds before fading.

… you’re joking.

Rumi stumbled off of the barstool, marching over to their animal companions with manic glee. On her knees she cradled his massive head between two hands as she exclaimed, “IT’S YOU!”

Her girlfriends, bewildered, slowly rose from their seats to join her. Rumi butted her forehead against Derpy’s, sighing at the comforting purr he rumbled in response. She turned to Zoey and Mira with new excitement igniting her senses.

“They’re the key to all of this, I know it!” Rumi said, nearly getting knocked onto her ass as the tiger continued to bunt into her. “They don’t cross over the way normal demons do!”

With a little more openness, the other hunters lowered to sit cross legged with her, wide eyed as they encouraged her to explain.

“Okay, roll with me here. What happens to demons normally when we slay them?”

Zoey cocked her head. “They vanish?”

“Visually, though.”

Eyes narrowed, she responded in a questioning tone. “Well, there’s usually some smoke when they disappear?”

Rumi bobbed her head. “The same thing happens when they teleport. There’s a puff of red smoke when they apparate, it happens when I do it too. But have either of you ever seen Derpy or Susie teleport?”

Two sets of eyes widened in understanding. 

“Exactly, because they don’t teleport the way other demons do, they –” Rumi gasped, turning her attention back to them. The creatures, still as statues, seemed to grin at her as she put the pieces together. “They don’t push through the Honmoon or bypass it by teleporting, they don’t tear it apart like other demons we’ve faced, they move with it. ”

The gears began to turn in their heads. Every other encounter they’ve had in the past, the demons left neon pink tears in their wake. They parted the threads like gaping wounds that never mended until the hunters came to repair them; the Honmoon uttered an unmistakable groan each time it was shredded.

That wasn’t the case with their favorite bird and tiger, though. 

“So… what? They just have open access to the barrier and we don’t?” Mira pouted only for a moment before nodding at the creatures appreciatively. “Honestly, kinda sick.”

Zoey reached over, scratching Derpy behind the ear. “Maybe that’s why they were able to stay on this side? Because they know how to move freely across the Honmoon?”

Rumi stilled suddenly, holding her breath as a thought occurred to her. Derpy was the one that directed her attention to the box. Whether that was intentional or not didn’t matter; he was still the catalyst. It was no coincidence that the Honmoon glittered that specific blue any time they danced along its threads.

This is what it wanted her to see.

Shuffling to face them head on, her gaze flickered back and forth between Derpy’s glowing irises, and up to Susie’s three wary eyes. “You can take me across, can’t you?”

Derpy’s eyes centered on her, pupils blowing wide as he tilted his head to the side. Susie puffed its chest, disinterest shifting to curiosity as it regarded her. 

Zoey and Mira shared a nervous look. Wringing her hands in her lap, Zoey asked in a shaky voice, “You want them to take you to hell?”

Shoulders tensed. Rumi’s face pinched as she admonished herself, and she tried to give them each a reassuring smile. “I know how it sounds, but think about it. This has to be it, the thing we – and every generation before us – have missed. The golden Honmoon would have separated the realms for all eternity, if the legends were even true, but maybe that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Maybe we’re supposed to be able to travel through it, we just never had a connection to the demon realm until now.”

Reaching down, she let her fingers lace through threads of the barrier, feeling warmth seep into her palm. “We protect the mortal realm, but what if our role can extend beyond that? I mean, we defeated Gwi-Ma didn’t we? Past generations only sought to seal him away, but we took it a step further and destroyed him. Maybe there’s more for us to do down there beyond what we were taught.”

Mira inhaled sharply, and sighed through her nostrils. “I don’t know Ru, this seems dangerous… the whole point of sealing the barrier was to keep evil out. These demons, they can’t be saved. What else could possibly be gained from seeking them out?”

Rumi gripped the threads tighter. Pain lanced through her chest at her words, and though she tried to hide her discomfort she couldn’t keep the wounded look from tightening her brow. “I was saved, wasn’t I?”

“That’s different, you aren’t like them, you’re –” Mira trailed off, looking to Zoey for help.

Zoey’s hand dropped from Derpy’s head to land on Rumi’s knee, giving her a gentle squeeze. “You’ve spent your whole life fighting to protect people, to bring joy to fans across the world! You’re not evil, sweetie, you’re not the kind of demon that deceives and devours, you’re a huntress. You’re different from the demons down there. They were condemned to hell because they hurt people, because they were a threat to the world. There’s nothing more we can do for them, now.”

Rumi’s jaw clenched. She let the threads fall from her hand, shooting up onto her feet with barely contained anger. “Can’t we?! I’m not that different from them! Jinu wasn’t banished to hell for being evil, he was just a normal person, dragged down by Gwi-Ma because he was tricked into selling his soul. How many more must have suffered like that? What if there is a way to save them that no other hunter has thought of? Shouldn’t we at least try?”

Mira reeled at the frustration in her voice, but doubled down as she rose too. “And how many caused needless suffering unchecked? How many committed heinous sins without any record of what they did? We aren’t – we’re just people , Rumi, we don’t decide who does or doesn’t get a second chance. Not with this. Not when we could risk letting the world’s worst evils back across, it’s too risky!”

“Our whole lives have been nothing but risk. Isn’t it worth it to save even one more soul?”

“Save one, lose hundreds more. That’s not a gamble I’m willing to take.”

“You don’t know that it would turn out that way!”

Zoey, last to stand, wrung the hem of her shirt anxiously as she asked, “Rumi, what are you hoping to find? It’s nice and all that you want to try to save who you can, but that’s not all it is, I can tell. Why are you fighting so hard for this?”

The question made her pause. Why was she fighting for this? Was it lingering guilt over Jinu? A desire to learn more about her demon heritage?

Was it a morbid curiosity, just to see if it was possible to cross between the realms unhindered?

Something squirmed in her chest as she pondered it. What was driving her, really? What did she hope to find at the end of this? There was something drawing her downward, intangible weight pressing on her from all sides as if it could force her through the floor with just one push; a tug on her soul, as insistent as it was encouraging, keeping her bound to the thought of descending further and further still.

“I don’t… I don’t know… what I want.” Rumi answered. “Or what I’m hoping for. I just, I feel this urge, I can’t explain it. I’m one step away from solving this, but I’ll never find the answers up here. I have to go down there, I have to try. ”

Sighing, Rumi reached between them with palms open, tension easing as her girls gripped her in return. With two soft squeezes, she continued. “I’m not angry with either of you, you have every right to feel the way you do. But you’re still thinking like hunters and that just doesn’t work anymore. So much of what we were taught was wrong, we know that now. We have to be more open minded, that’s the only way we can move forward. I don’t want to go back to the old ways, I want to hope that there’s something better for us at the end of all this.”

She watched the struggle, the internal debate that played on their features as she waited on their answer. Their expressions cycled through outright denial, to apprehension, softening gradually to consideration, eventually falling with resignation.

Squaring her shoulders, Mira crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. “What’s your backup plan if this doesn’t work?”

“Well, we… we call Celine. There are archives going back a century at least, maybe one of the old hunters left a clue that we can look into.”

“And if it does?”

Rumi’s gaze fell.

“If this does work,” Mira stooped to force Rumi to look at her. “If this works, and we cross into hell, what then? What’s the plan? What’s our goal?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. I’m hoping the Honmoon will guide us on where to go, but I really don’t know what I’m trying to find. My goal right now is just to get there, then after…”

One of Rumi’s hands drifted up to her chest, clutching the fabric of her sweatshirt as a hollow ache echoed through her. The voids within her felt far too vast, far too loud, screaming from the deepest cracks in her being for something to fix them . She was a vessel waiting to be filled, a puzzle waiting for its final piece. 

Rumi was tired of feeling empty. Incomplete.  

She just needed to feel like she was on the right track for once.

“We’ll figure it out once we get there,” she told them, confidence wavering. “I know we’re going in blind here, but please, trust me. We’ll be alright as long as we stick together.”

Finally, Zoey and Mira relented. Arms slowly wrapped her in a loose embrace, gentle hands settling on her lower back, over the scars clustered between her shoulder blades, or cradling her head to rest between her shoulders.

“We trust you,” they assured her, each pressing a kiss to her head.

Rumi leaned into their embrace just long enough for their warmth to soak into her skin. Parting with a determined grin, Rumi directed her attention back to Derpy and Sussie, carefree as they watched the girls from the sidelines. 

She was unsure at first how to approach this. Crouching on one knee, Rumi reached out and placed a hand on Derpy’s forehead, letting his own warmth bleed into her as well. His rumble grew in volume as they stared each other down, and as the seconds stretched on Rumi felt a buzz beneath her skin. Hands settled on her shoulders as the girls knelt either side of her, waiting with bated breath for… something. They didn’t know what to expect.

Slowly, the Honmoon parted beneath them. Threads pulled apart with brilliant blue light, coiling around them, enveloping them in familiarity, in reassurance; their tension eased, knowing the barrier would protect them as it always had.

Derpy’s paws sunk into the floor, body rigid, eyes unblinking. On his head, Sussie twittered in harmony with the chime of the veil.

Rumi froze at a sensation like cool water rising around her, pressure against her skin that was soft and yielding as she began to pass through the barrier. The thoughts in her head were muted, distant. The grip on her shoulders tightened, but the feeling was nothing more than an echo. Warmth faded from her body; an unholy chill invaded her being in its place.

“Rumi?”

“Fuck, wait!”

Their voices were miles away. Rumi was sinking further, further, up to her waist, her chest, her head –

She was gone, swallowed up by the Honmoon alongside their animal companions. 

Zoey and Mira were left behind, watching the veil knit itself shut beneath them. Zoey slammed her hands into the floor as if that would somehow reopen the door for them, calling upon the threads the way she would to summon her shin-kals. 

But the Honmoon was unyielding, unresponsive to her pleas.

“No, no no no come on!” She slammed her hands down again, and the barrier shuddered beneath them. “Bring her back, please , she can’t – she wasn’t supposed to – Mira help me! ”

Mira was stuck, staring at the floor, eyes burning as a thousand worries stormed through her. Her touch was gentler, more cautious, beckoning the strands to open for them, searching for the trilling sound that only Rumi could make whenever she plucked at the barrier.

The silence was suffocating. The cold all encompassing.

Their love was just gone.

“Mira what do we do?”

The Honmoon wouldn’t even grant them the assurance that she was okay, all they could feel was the absence, the emptiness where half their home should be. The distinct shape of her soul, never far from reach, never impossible to feel, hadn’t left so much as a trace when it was sucked away from them. 

It may as well have never existed.

Rage bloomed amidst all the hurt. Mira tore at the Honmoon, forcing her weapon out. If the Honmoon wouldn’t help them voluntarily, she would force its cooperation. 

Twirling her gokdo high above her head she channeled all her power, her entire soul into the very tip of the hilt, and slammed it into the floorboards. Wood cracked and splintered. The Honmoon groaned at the sudden force of being violently warped, but instead of opening like Mira wanted it simply dispersed the energy like ripples across water’s surface.

No portal. No tear. Nothing but the quiet hum of the barrier trying to soothe itself.

Mira leaned heavily against her weapon, knuckles white as she gripped the hilt tighter. Sending out such a strong pulse always left her winded, but she couldn’t think about that now. All she could imagine was Rumi, trapped beneath the barrier, falling to the deepest pits of hell, screaming, clawing, suffering.

Gritting her teeth, she charged up again. They had to find a way to reach her, they had to! They couldn’t leave her alone down there.

With a loud shout she slammed her weapon down, leaving a shallow crater in the floor. This time the Honmoon didn’t groan, it cried a mournful sound as if it too, was disappointed in its failure to part for them.

Mira sunk to her knees, utterly drained, forehead balanced against the polearm as she panted for breath. She stuttered out an exhale, melting into a sob as a pair of arms closed around her. Zoey pressed her cheek to her shoulder, holding herself together only because she needed to use her damn brain and think. What went wrong? Why did the Honmoon reject them? Why couldn’t they go with her?

She glanced at the kitchen island, at the mess of notebooks and photos, the mysteries unsolved, wondering what else they might have missed.

At the end of the massive web of unknowns, Rumi was the one constant. She lay at the heart of it all. She was the anchor that every string connected to. Maybe Zoey and Mira weren’t even part of the puzzle.

“We need to call Celine,” she said, voice flat and jagged at the edges. “She’s the only other person that could help with this, she… she must know something. She has to know something…”

Mira let her weapon evaporate, trembling hands hooking on Zoey’s arms as she leaned into her. “We have to get her back Zo, we have to.”

“We will. I’ll make the call, just… go through Rumi’s notes, check the notebooks again, there has to be an answer somewhere.”

They picked themselves up slowly, hearts heavy as they instinctively sought out their third, palms aching in the emptiness without her touch. Mira busied herself with the notebooks, drying her tears as she thumbed over every little tab and bookmark Rumi left behind. 

Zoey sent a text to Bobby first: “Emergency. Need you ASAP.”

Then Celine. Fucking Celine… the name alone was venom on her tongue. She hated that they needed her help, hated that of everyone in the world, she was the most reliable when it came to issues with the Honmoon. She hated having to depend on her for anything anymore, but this situation was too delicate to stall on.

They had to find Rumi. Her feelings on their former mentor could wait.

Zoey’s thumb hovered over the call button with one last breath of hesitation, and then they heard it: the trill, the wind up of fingers dragging against guitar strings. They felt a soul too large to ignore.

Heads whipped around to watch Derpy lunge not through the floor, but through the far wall instead, with Rumi draped over his back and Sussie nestled up against her head. Gone was the slowness that normally bogged down the tiger’s movements, replaced by an urgency they’d never seen in him before. He padded over to the couch, rumbling as he went. The girls rushed over to his side to pull Rumi away, Mira cradling her in her arms as Zoey tried to rouse her from whatever trance she was in.

“Rumi, Rumi baby, sweetie can you hear me?” Her hands cupped her cheeks for a split second before recoiling. “FUCK she’s freezing! Mira —”

“I know.” Mira held her tighter, ignoring the feeling of ice on her skin as Rumi shivered against her. “She’s — she’s breathing, she’s alive but — god, Zoey, why is she so cold? Her lips are blue, why is she so cold? ”

Zoey pressed two fingers to Rumi’s wrist to check her pulse, present but far too weak for comfort, and pressed desperate kisses to the back of her hand.

“Can you get her on the couch? I’ll get some blankets to warm her up.”

Mira nodded, lifting Rumi up as she pressed her lips to her temple. Zoey sprinted down the hall to gather whatever might possibly help as Mira tried to make their girl comfortable, heart aching the more she watched her shake.

Rumi tried to mumble something through chattering teeth, barely a whisper that Mira couldn’t hear no matter how much she strained her ears.

She balanced their foreheads together, murmuring in a soft, still voice, “You’re okay, Ru, we’ve got you. We’re here. You’re safe. I love you so much, I love you, Zoey loves you, we’ll get through this together just – just hang in there, please..”

Zoey returned with an armload of blankets, tripping over her own feet as she stumbled over to them. “Okay these should — shit — these should help, right? I think these are the thickest ones we’ve got.”

She moved to unfurl one, but paused. With impossible speed she whipped off her hoodie, taking a moment to work it over Rumi’s head and thread her arms through. At Mira’s raised eyebrow, Zoey simply responded, “Body heat.”

They piled the blankets on next, tucking them in as best they could without smothering her, wincing at every flinch and whimper that left Rumi’s lips. 

She still shook violently, but the tension in her expression softened at the comfort surrounding her. Her lips moved with no sound, mouthing words neither of her girls could hear. Zoey settled atop the blankets, over Rumi’s chest, just to feel the unsteady breaths; just to be sure she was breathing at all.

They stayed together, unwilling to leave her side, else the half demon may disappear once more. Derpy sat with them, tucking his cheek against Rumi’s leg with a loud purr. Sussie fluttered up onto the back of the couch, cooing in the silence that stretched between them.

And there they remained, waiting for the girl they all adored to wake. 

— —

From the moment she sunk into the Honmoon, she knew something was wrong. Her hand remained magnetized to Derpy’s forehead, but the rest of her was distant, floaty, aimless as she drifted through nothing. Eyes shut, she watched technicolor light swirl through darkened vision, a kaleidoscope twirling beyond her eyelids. 

Her body felt weightless as if she were adrift in the ocean, rocked by gentle waves with nothing but the yielding pressure like cool waters to assure her that she still existed. She could feel the way that pressure parted for her, swallowing her whole as she descended, wrapping around her with a constant touch that clung without overwhelming her. Steady. Inviting. Luring her further into places no mortal should wander.

It should feel more unsettling, the endless expanse of nothingness she sunk into. She should be more alarmed. She should be fighting it.

She shouldn’t be alone.

Distantly, she remembered that she was supposed to have Zoey and Mira with her, but she couldn’t feel them anywhere nearby. She couldn’t feel them, period. Their souls had always been a constant in her life, wisps of life and love and home that she could hone in on no matter how far away they were. 

The fact that she couldn’t feel them at all should have made her panic. She was schooled into a permanent calm, though, basking in a different familiarity that she couldn’t quite place. It was almost belonging, almost welcoming, but just shy of the mark.

In her free hand, Rumi felt the pressure increase. Smooth fingers pressed into her palm, an unknown hand tightening around her carefully at first, then with more insistence. 

One by one all the empty hollows within her filled with a sense of wholeness. She was falling deeper and deeper still, but there was no fear, no pain, even as the lights around her faded.

The space around her began to warp, pressure swelling beneath as if it were trying to push her out. The hand tightened with a bruising grip, pulling her closer, fighting the void to keep her there — to keep them together . Rumi clung to it, to trepidation at the thought of being pried away from something that needed her so desperately that the feeling mixed with her blood.

But threads of the Honmoon began to coil around her. Curved teeth latched onto her arm, not to pierce or wound, but to drag her out of the darkness. Her body, once pleasantly numb, turned frigid as she was rejected by whatever existed in the space around them.

She was caught in an endless tug of war between two different feelings of home, the waking world on one side and a missing piece of herself on the other. She was so close to… something; a breakthrough, a finish line, a threshold she had every intention of crossing. 

The answers she wanted were right there waiting, but she wasn’t allowed to reach them.

Rumi was ripped away from the hand, and the being attached to it cried out in pain at the loss of connection.

Blood turned to ice in her veins. Pale, fragile, broken, Rumi was brought back to the peaceful world that sat above the veil, back to the penthouse where Zoey and Mira waited for her return. 

Dizzy, disoriented, frozen, she let gentler hands carry through the shock of moving between worlds, rejected by one and embraced by the other, utterly drained and confused as fractured memories fought for attention in her mind.

Rumi didn’t have the energy to think then. She was painfully empty once more, feeling the afterburn of something that filled her so completely just seconds ago. She could still feel that pressure in her hand, hear the scream as it was forced to let her go.

A part of herself, abandoned.

A part of herself, rejected.

She had to go back for it, she had to piece herself back together. But she was so exhausted, she just wanted to sleep away the unending ache. Just for a little while…

— —

“Your little experiment went sideways and turned you into an ice cube.”

Rumi blinked in the present, another shudder running through her as she recalled her venture through the Honmoon. She had almost reached the other side, she was just a few seconds from crossing through before Derpy pulled her back in a panic.

She was so close to feeling whole again. 

Her body creaked and groaned as she forced herself to sit up. The girls, with some hesitation, slid off the couch. Zoey sat on the coffee table in front of her, holding herself as she propped her elbows on her knees. Mira sat on the floor beside her cross legged, fists clenched in her lap as she worked some of the tension out of her system.

Zoey was first to speak. “Ru? You okay?”

She shook her head aggressively. “No… no, I-I need to – I have to try again, I almost made it! It was there, it, I… I was right there, I –”

“No.” Two heads turned to Mira, quietly brimming with barely contained anger as all her anxiety over the past hour boiled over. “You are not doing that again, we’re done!”

“Mira you don’t understand, I-I was so close!”

“You could have died, Rumi! What would we have done if Derpy didn’t drag you back here? What would you have done?”

Rumi’s mouth opened, closed, protests dying on her tongue. She didn’t have an answer, not really. All she could do was try – and fail – to make them understand.

… did she even understand?

“You don’t know what you’re doing, do you? You don’t even know why you’re doing this, you’re putting yourself in danger for no reason!”

“There is a reason, but it’s hard to explain – look that doesn’t matter okay? I know what to expect now, I can make it!” Rumi shucked the blankets off, teetering on the edge of the couch as the room spun. “I’ll be fine if I just make it across, I just took too long this time. I can get there, I know I can, the next time I try I can –”

“Rumi, you’re not listening to us,” Zoey said, placing a hand on Mira’s shoulder before she could interject. “You could have died and you don’t even care. You’re being reckless and it’s scaring us. We can’t rush into this again, we need to understand what happened before we can even think about a second try.”

She shook her head, gripping the couch cushions tightly as she dropped her head. She could almost feel it hammering beneath them, hands like drum beats sending pulses up through her feet, ricocheting through her body, rattling in her skull. 

It was still trying to reach her with a silent cry for help that only she could hear.

And she was failing. She’d been failing all this time, failing to hear it, failing to find it, failing to free it. She wouldn’t fail again.

“I’m doing this,” Rumi said, voice resolute, “I have to. I can’t let this go.”

Sighing heavily through her nostrils, Mira shrugged off Zoey’s hand and stood, fists balled at her sides. “Why, then? Explain it, because all I see is you being self destructive again.”

Rumi couldn’t help but flinch. Her heart clenched painfully at Mira’s scolding tone, but her determination wouldn’t waver. This wasn’t self destruction, this was healing. She had to believe that.

“I think… no, I know, my, my demon — no, no , fuck… part of me is trapped down there.” She had to stop seeing it as something separate, something that didn’t belong. That’s how she got into this mess in the first place. “It has been since we raised the new Honmoon, that’s why I stopped feeling it. It’s been trying to reach me here but it can’t, not fully. I’ve been… disconnected from myself, for so long that I don’t remember what being whole is.”

Tears leaked from her eyes. Warm bodies pressed in around her, constant, comforting, but not enough. 

“I felt it… for just a few minutes, I felt it, I felt complete again! And now my body is just… wrong. Poked full of holes, missing pieces. The emptiness is so loud,” her voice cracked into a whisper, “I can’t stay like this, I can’t , I have to go back, please…”

Zoey wrapped her arms around Rumi’s waist, hands locking together around her hip. Mira laid one hand on her lap, palm up in offering, as the other rubbed up and down the length of Rumi’s spine. The half demon took Mira’s hand and gripped it tight, head falling sideways to rest against Zoey’s. They stayed quiet, uncertain and aching in different ways, but together all the same.

Mira broke the silence with a sigh. “You scared the hell out of us Ru.” She paused, snickered bitterly, and added on, “No pun intended.”

“… I’m sorry.”

Mira gave her hand a squeeze. Glancing down, she locked eyes in a brief exchange with Zoey, resigned but no less wary. An unspoken agreement transpired between them.

“Tomorrow,” Zoey uttered. 

Rumi tensed between them, not out of hurt or fear but out of readiness, as if tomorrow was already upon them. She was already prepared to spring right back into action.

Zoey tilted her head up, nuzzling into Rumi’s cheek. “We’ll try again tomorrow. For today though we need you here. We need you with us.”

“And we need you to rest,” Mira tacked on.

Rumi’s body deflated, but she breathed a quiet “okay” as she sagged into their embrace. She would rest, yes, if only to be sure there would be no other issues when she tried to cross again. And this time, she would make it.

She had to.

Chapter Text

My daughter, my precious miracle, you are loved more than you will ever know. Words alone cannot express how much I love you, but they need to be said.

I wish we had more time… I wish I didn’t have to leave you like this, but you’ll learn that sometimes, fate is unforgiving. I don’t know what this life will throw at you as you grow up. I don’t know what challenges you’ll face. All I can hope is that this world will be gentler with you. That it will be kind as you find yourself, build yourself into the wonderful young woman I know you’ll become.

The days I’ve spent with you have been my happiest. Out of all our accomplishments, all our celebrations, our successes, my greatest joy has been you.

Any time you’re in doubt, feeling down or defeated, know that I am with you, cheering you on from wherever I’ve gone to rest. When the world becomes too cruel, too cold, remember that you were loved from your first breath. You were wanted. You were chosen. And if I had a chance to do it all again, I would choose you every time.

I love you Rumi. I am so incredibly proud of you. 

Don’t be afraid to love yourself, too.

— —

Rumi slept to the soft, broken voice of her mother. The walkman lay on her stomach, hand overtop, headphones snug on her head as she slumbered on the couch. 

There was a cd just for her, untouched by time, with Miyeong’s voice recorded for well over two hours. It began with her speech, parting words delivered in the weeks before she passed; heartfelt assurances bled into hushed melodies, lullabies and songs both familiar and new. Every so often, she’d break into a quiet chuckle between songs to tell a story, or one of her worst jokes, or just to say it again – I love you, Rumi.

It shattered her in the best ways, cracked open the scarred parts of her heart that held the brunt of her grief and shame. In the face of unconditional love all the gnarled, rotten feelings inside her buckled to make space for something far more fulfilling. Her sleep remained dreamless, peaceful, a stark contrast to the agony she felt just an hour before.

Her body was sufficiently warmed, but still achey. Derpy sat beside the couch with his chin propped on her thighs, purring the worst of her pains away as Sussie warbled in the quiet of the penthouse. Zoey and Mira simply stared at the three, quiet, numb and contemplative. They kept their hands laced together to ground themselves in the safety that only they could give. 

They could have lost her. They could have lost Rumi without any sort of goodbye, without anything to soften the burning grief that death would bring.

Even as they watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, that fear never left them. What if she hadn’t come back? How would they have reached her?

How would they have dealt with her loss, had this been more permanent?

The short answer was: they wouldn’t.

Because how could anyone deal with part of their heart vanishing? How could anyone hold themselves together when their very foundations were crumbling?

They wanted to keep her here, in the safety of their arms, far away from anything that could possibly hurt her again. They wanted to shield her from the worst this life had to offer. She’d already suffered more than any one person should. Why couldn’t things just stay peaceful?

Rumi was determined to go back, and no matter how much they wanted to they couldn’t stop her from trying. This was just something she had to do. Part of her soul waited on the other side of the veil, and how could they possibly tell her to leave it that way? They had no right to hold her back, but they could make damn sure she didn’t go alone this time.

They would find a way to go with her, barrier be damned. 

It was in the tense stillness that the elevator dinged, Bobby rushing out before the doors could fully open.

“GIRLS, I GOT HERE AS FAST AS I COULD! IS EVERYTHING —“

Zoey turned sharply with a finger pressed to her lips, shushing him. Glancing at Rumi, she made sure their girlfriend was still sleeping soundly before she stood to greet him, Mira following a step behind.

Before they could say a word Bobby scanned over the apartment, first gawking at the ethereal blue tiger nestled against Rumi. He then saw the broken floor, caved in slightly from where Mira had tried to break the Honmoon open. He eyed the countertop last, seeing a vast array of notebooks, photos and… paint swatches?

“You’re uh… redecorating?” Bobby joked, nervous as the girls rounded on him.

Mira reached out to grasp his elbow, silent as she pulled him across the living room. The three stepped just into the hall that would have led to their bedrooms, just far enough to talk without disturbing Rumi. Mira leaned against the wall, tired eyes watching Rumi from afar. Zoey eyed Mira with an unspoken question that she answered with a curt nod, one arm stretching out to invite her in. Zoey wrapped her arms around her, cheek pressed to her chest, sighing as a hand settled on the small of her back.

She stared at Bobby beside them as he leaned sideways, shoulder pressed into the wall, facing the living room so he could also keep an eye on Rumi. His hands were wringing together with anxious energy as he studied the girls.

They looked messy, they knew that already. Their eyes were red rimmed and puffy, faces haggard from their weight of the morning’s troubles. Mira’s skin was left pale from overexertion; Zoey looked like she was on the verge of collapse.

Bobby swallowed the lump in his throat, voice measured as he asked, “What on earth happened in there? What happened to Rumi?”

And it hurt that he already knew. The girls winced as they wondered when it wouldn’t be Rumi hurting, when the girl would finally catch a break as the world sought new ways to break her down.

“There’s… a lot. A lot to cover.” Zoey’s eyes fell to the floor, hands tracing idle circles along her lover’s back as she felt her tense. “Do you want the easy parts first?”

Bobby nodded.

“Okay… easiest thing, the demons. The tiger is Derpy, the magpie is Sussie. They were companions of Jinu, but formed an attachment to Rumi too. They’re harmless, you don’t have to worry about them.”

Bobby glanced at the creatures from the corner of his eye. Derpy remained unbothered, eyes shut as he continued to snooze beside Rumi. Sussie, on the other hand, blinked open three curious eyes to stare at the group. Bobby let himself be alarmed for half a second before turning his attention back to Zoey.

“Alright, friendly demons. Good to know.”

Zoey half-smiled, but it quickly fell as she continued. “We told you about the visit with Celine a while back, what she did in the past… during that visit she left a box with Rumi. Last night was the first time she really looked at what was in it.”

From there, she carefully explained the events of the morning, from the brainstorming session to Rumi’s revelation, to the way the Honmoon seemed to swallow her whole. The wrecked floor was explained by Mira with the smallest tinge of shame, and an apology as she requested that he help find a team to repair it when all was said and done.

Her voice cracked as she recalled how frigid Rumi was when she was dragged back to them, trembling and unresponsive, and Bobby’s heart broke for them all the more. He could see the terror play on their features, even with the assurance that Rumi was still safe in the living room and not half dead in a mystery dimension. 

Mira pressed her lips to Zoey’s head and remained there, eyes still transfixed on their third with tears brimming at the threat of almosts . 

Zoey took a breath and squeezed herself closer. “She wants to go back, Bobby.”

He blinked, brows furrowing. “Wait, what? Why?”

“The demon –” Zoey shook her head. “Part of Rumi, her demon half, has been trapped below the Honmoon. She’s been split for too long, she needs this. She… she deserves to feel whole.” Her heart clenched as she repeated Rumi’s sentiments. “We just… we’re scared. We’re so fucking scared that something will go wrong again. We got lucky this time because Derpy brought her back early, but if it’s worse next time? What if we can't –”

Tears fell before she could catch them. With a quiet curse hissed through her teeth she hid her face in Mira’s chest. Mira held her steady, shushing her gently as the girl cried against her. Beside them, Bobby had gone pale with the weight of it, the reality that such a heavy loss could be just a step away. 

He pivoted away from that, back flush with the wall, bracing himself against it as he sucked in shallow breaths. He had to keep it together for them, for all of them, but god this was hard to process…

“So… not going to hell isn’t an option here,” he said.

“... no.”

“Even though it’s potentially deadly, Rumi is going to go.”

“She is.”

“And you two really can’t go with her?”

There was a long pause. Zoey turned her head again, fearful as she whispered, “We don’t know.”

Bobby nodded absently, took a deep breath, and smacked both of his cheeks. The girls were reeling as he faced them again, hands on his hips as hopelessness turned to determination. “Alright, show me everything! If there’s an answer somewhere, I’ll help you find it! We’re getting all three of you across, safely , whatever it takes.”

They blinked at him owlishly, quiet only for a moment before breaking out into earnest grins. The girls bobbed their heads in agreement and, with a little more pep, moved back to the kitchen. From start to finish they reviewed everything, speaking in hushed voices as they pored over every detail with Bobby’s fresh eyes to help them.

The color, at least, they understood now. They knew it was Rumi’s demon trying – but failing – to reach across the threshold. The Honmoon was doing its best to aid them in that effort to reconnect, but even it had limits that the girls couldn’t quite understand. 

They went over their training, how Celine taught them to channel the Honmoon to conjure weapons unique to each of their souls. How they let the threads coil into their hands, feeling power and life surge from their fingertips, to their hearts, carrying the desires and determinations of their hearts, culminating in the physical blades they fought with.

With an inquisitive hum, Bobby asked if they could conjure anything else with the Honmoon’s energy. The girls had to pause.

Celine had always warned them not to abuse the Honmoon’s power, to treat its energy with respect and reverence so as not to lose its protection. They understood it as a two way street, a symbiotic exchange where the girls kept the barrier intact, and the barrier in turn gave them strength and presence that few had the privilege to enjoy. They never considered utilizing it for anything other than their weapons.

Hearing all this, Bobby had a thought. “You said the Honmoon chose Rumi, right? Before she was born?”

“That’s how it seems, yeah,” Mira said.

“Well it chose you both too, didn’t it?”

They shared a look. 

“Yes?”

Bobby tilted his head to the side, pursing his lips. “Do you ever… I don’t know, talk to it? Or interact with it apart from summoning your weapons?”

Their lips parted with half formed responses, none of which left their throats. In the beginning, they would spend long hours meditating to strengthen their connection to the Honmoon. Once they had their weapons, though, they no longer needed to spend time doing so.

“No… not really. We haven’t really needed to since we were kids.” Zoey responded. Her eyes blew wide as she bolted upright from her slouched position. “But the barrier is different now! It’s not the same, it’s – it’s ours . Forged from our voices, not the first hunters.”

“New age, new Honmoon,” Mira whispered, parroting her earlier statement.

“Soooo maybe you need to reconnect with this new one?” Bobby offered, mouth slowly curling into a smile.

“That… makes a lot of sense, actually. Is that why we couldn’t pass through? Because we aren’t… I don’t know, synergized?”

Zoey nodded. “It’s possible. We can work on it, we have time before we try again. What about Rumi though? Shouldn’t she have been rejected too if that’s the case?”

Mira thought back to the moment she’d slipped through. She was anchored to Derpy as they sunk into the floor, eyes shut, seemingly at peace as she descended. It didn’t seem forced or uncertain, it was almost instinctual the way she eased into it, like she’d crossed over a thousand times before.

Mira glanced over at the slumbering girl and focused intensely on her patterns. “Maybe… maybe she doesn’t need to reforge her connection. Maybe it’s already there. She’s human and demon, she’s had ties to both sides from the day she was born. She was able to pass through because part of her already exists below the barrier.”

“Oh. Oh, fuck. Are we gonna have to…” Zoey shuddered. “No, no, nevermind. Let’s not think about that.”

“Nope, no more soul splitting for any of us. You and I just need to work a little harder to sync up with the new Honmoon.”

“What if that doesn’t work?” 

Mira frowned, eyes staying locked onto Rumi. She didn’t know what else they could possibly do. Letting Rumi go alone wasn’t an option they were willing to consider, but if that was the only option…

“Well it works both ways, doesn’t it?” Bobby asked.

The girls turned to her with a single raised eyebrow each, titling their heads forward to urge him to continue.

“If you can’t all go to the other side together, maybe you can bring Rumi’s demon here?”

“That’s… not a bad idea.” Scrunching her nose, Zoey sighed through her nostrils. “If we, um, if we make a tear in the barrier ourselves –”

“Dude, no.”

“I’m just saying! Maybe if we tear a hole in the barrier, Rumi’s other half can make it through!”

“Along with who knows what else?”

“We can control it, Mir. You and I can deal with any other demons that spill through while Rumi reconnects with herself.”

Mira’s fists clenched on the counter, the pen in her hand bending with the pressure of her thumb. “That’s exactly the thing I wanted to avoid, Zoey! We shouldn’t let any of them through, period. We don’t know what the consequences of that would be.” She recalled the train, their argument, their failure , and grimaced. “We can’t risk losing anyone else by being careless.”

She could tell Zoey was thinking about it too, and watched as she shrunk into herself with a nod. The atmosphere around them swelled with something heavier, like the darkness that fell before a storm. Across from them, Bobby scratched out whatever note he made last.

He tried to keep things light in hopes that it would pull them out of the downward spiral they were falling into. “No bringing things to this side, okay, we’re getting somewhere. We’re narrowing things down. What else could we try?”

The girls took a moment to think. Mira’s hand found its way to Celine’s notebook, flipping through slowly, frowning as an idea formed. 

“We could try the sanctuary,” she suggested, hand dropping the book to pinch the bridge of her nose instead. “Stronger spiritual connection and all, and that’s where we first learned to channel the Honmoon. But it isn’t fair to ask Rumi to go back there so soon.”

“We’re doing this for Rumi though. It’s not a bad idea, we can float it by her when she wakes up.”

“I don’t want to rely on Celine, though…”

Zoey reached out for her, taking her free hand with a careful grip that assured her she understood. It was still a sore subject; they imagined it would be for a long time. Even if Rumi ever forgave her, they wouldn’t. 

“We don’t have to.” Zoey said. “We can work around her if we need to. The sanctuary grounds are huge , we can avoid her or just… tell her to give us space. We can make it work.”

Bobby quickly scribbled another note. Tapping the pen against his chin, he hummed as he brought up another question. “We could go the opposite direction too. What about weak spots, places where it might be easier to break through to the other side?”

Mira nodded for a moment, then shook her head. “If it was the old Honmoon, maybe, but since we rebuilt it I don’t think there are any weak spots. It’s worth looking into, we just don’t have that much time now.”

“Okay… so how do we get her to wait if we can’t figure this out by tomorrow?” Zoey asked, a tremor in her voice.

“I don’t know, we… we keep her away from Derpy. Send them away so she can’t cross over until we’re ready. Doesn’t matter that we promised her tomorrow; we can’t rush this.”

“You really think that’ll stop her from trying?”

Mira slammed the pen down with a loud clack . “It’s gonna have to! She’s not thinking clearly about this so we need to stall until we find the best option. If we don’t find an answer tonight then she’s just not going.”

“Girls?” They turned to Bobby, who was looking at them with something just shy of frustration. “That isn’t your decision to make. It’s dangerous, yeah, but you can’t stop her from doing this. That isn’t fair to Rumi.”

Gritting her teeth, Mira spoke in a whisper-yell as she leaned across the counter. “You didn’t see her, Bobby, you didn’t feel how, how lifeless she was! She doesn’t care how much it hurts her, she doesn’t care that it might kill her . She’s going to keep charging into this, caution be damned. We’re not just going to stand by and watch her hurt herself!”

“I get how you feel Mira, but this whole situation is delicate. You can’t just take the choice away from her. You can guide her, advise her, but you can’t decide for her. It’s not right.” He held his hand up as she sucked in breath, halting her response. “You two know better than I do how much she’s had the freedom of choice taken away from her. You’re really going to do the same thing?”

Both girls flinched. Their stomachs twisted into knots as the truth of his words sunk in. That is what they were doing, wasn’t it? Choosing for her. Conspiring to take that choice from her before there was ever so much as a discussion.

Gaze softening, Bobby continued. “Just think about how helpless Rumi must be feeling. All her life she’s forced to hide who she is, forced into a role she might have never wanted if she was given the option to choose for herself. Hating herself, wondering when the other shoe will drop, when she’ll be killed for what she is. And then she finally gets to embrace that part of herself, her demon, just for it to be ripped away from her. Now she has the choice to seek it out again – find herself again – and you’re talking about barring her from doing so. I’m sorry, but that’s really shitty. You see that, right?”

Mira squirmed in her seat, glancing at Rumi again; at the arch of her brow as she twitched in her sleep; at the patterns that carved lazy paths across her skin. 

“You’re still thinking like hunters,” she’d told them.

Not just hunters, though. They were still thinking like Celine.

Zoey came to the same realization, hands clasped over her mouth as she rattled out broken exhale. Blinking back tears, she looked back over everything on the counter, a night’s worth of work, of self exploration and budding understanding. Rumi was trying so hard to heal, to choose for herself for once, and they met her with skepticism. With reprimand. With control . 

“We’re so fucking stupid,” Zoey mumbled.

“Hey, none of that.” Bobby frowned at her. “She wouldn’t want to hear that. Your hearts were in the right place wanting to protect her, but you’re going about it the wrong way. You need to walk with her , you can’t drag her down a path she doesn’t want to take. Support her, let her know your concerns and give her the tools to stay safe, but don’t take the choice away from her. Otherwise, she may never want to trust you with something like this again.”

Mira dropped her head into her hands, the heels of her palms pressed into her eyes. “We can’t lose her, Bobby…”

“You won’t. But you need to have a little more faith in her.”

“... we really need to apologize,” Mira sighed.

Zoey bobbed her head slowly, leaning heavily against the countertop. They had to stop thinking like hunters, they had to shift their perspectives away from the old ways. Even when it came to assessing the dangers any demons may present. 

“Put opening a tear back on the list,” Zoey said, finally looking at Bobby again. “Rumi can decide for herself if it’s an option or not. We can’t just assume that demons will attack right away, that isn’t fair to her demon either.”

Bobby smiled with a tinge of pride and rewrote the line he’d scratched out. “Good. Okay, what else? How do we keep all of you safe when you cross? You said she was basically frozen when she came back?”

“Damn near hypothermic,” Mira muttered. “So we need to go in with some way to counter that. Blankets aren’t gonna cut it when we pass through. We need warm clothes, something insulated… our battle suits should help.”

Bobby perked up, palms flat on the table as he sat a little taller. “We could buy some warming gear tonight! Hand warmers, thermal wear… maybe you could bring a thermos with hot water, y’know, heat yourselves up internally?”

He started a separate list of supplies to buy and prep, tongue peeking out between his lips. It made the girls giggle seeing how invested he was in helping them; they made the right call asking him to come. They spent another hour brainstorming, debating, refining, outlining all their options and accounting for any contingencies that came to mind. 

In the living room, Rumi finally stirred. The full force of her pains made it impossible to stay in that comfortable peace she so desperately needed. She attempted a stretch and whined at the uncomfortable spasm of tense muscles.

The muffled conversation outside of her view stopped suddenly, and the silence held a little too long between them.

“Rumi?” Zoey called out.

She took a breath and, voice strained, called back, “I’m awake.”

Three sets of footsteps thundered over to her. Zoey elected to leap over the couch to reach her faster while Mira and Bobby came around the side, all placing themselves squarely in her view. The presence of their manager came as a shock at first, but the more she thought about it the less surprised she was. She fully disappeared in front of her girls, of course they called the one man they could trust to come help.

“Hi Bobby,” she whispered, the ghost of a smile on her lips. 

“Hey you. Scary day, huh?”

“Terrifying. We should do a horror movie sometime, it’d really sell.”

He shook his head, not in disapproval but in a good natured, ‘I can’t believe you’ sort of way. Offering his hand, Bobby helped her hoist herself up with a firm grip and quiet encouragement. She took another shaky breath, head pounding, and turned herself to swing her legs off the couch.

Mira brought a hand up to her cheek to tilt her head up further, noting the way she winced at the motion. “How’re you feeling, hun?”

“Not great. Better than before at least.” She scanned over each of them, gears churning in her mind as they each steeled themselves to speak. With a sigh, she leaned back and resigned herself to what was coming. “I’m guessing we need to have a talk?”

“Yeah… yeah, we do.”

Mira shared a look with Zoey, who nodded at her to go first, then to Bobby, smiling reassuringly at both of them. Mira settled her hand on Rumi’s knee instead, leveling her gaze at her as she leaned in. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you before, and I shouldn’t have pushed back so much against what you were telling us. We haven’t been fair to you. We haven’t been understanding enough, but we’re going to try harder. Whatever you need, we’re with you. Just… hear us out, please?”

It wasn’t what Rumi was expecting. It wasn’t the admonishment she was bracing for. She nodded a little numbly, willing to see how else they would surprise her.

Zoey chimed in next, upbeat with the barest hint of sorrow behind it. “I’m sorry too. You were right before, the way we were thinking was outdated, misinformed. Knowing what we do now, it isn’t right at all to keep saying all demons are evil. We’re still… we’re re-learning, how to be more open minded, how to be kinder with the words we use when we’re talking about demons. Because you are half demon, Rumi. This is a part of you, and we should have been more careful with how we spoke earlier.”

Rumi softened then, the pains a little gentler as her shoulders relaxed. She wasn’t angry with them, not completely, because she knew how hard it was to break from those beliefs, the habits so deeply rooted in them you couldn’t hope to dig them out. Years of hard lessons and hatred couldn’t be undone in a few months, after all. It would take time, time that they had now that the world was calmer. 

“It’s alright,” Rumi assured them. “I get it. I… thank you, for apologizing. For trying. I know this isn’t easy.”

Zoey’s hands clenched and unclenched in her lap, her next words fractured as she struggled to bridge into the next topic. “It’s… not. None of this is. I know we keep saying it but, fuck Rumi, we were terrified before. Literally charting unknown territory and you just, you disappear, and we don’t know why or how to get you back we – ” she sniffled loudly, groaning as she blinked back tears, “ – especially after yesterday, we just, we’re so afraid of messing this up, hurting you, losing you … and it scares us, it scares us that you’re so ready to just charge back in without a plan.”

It wrenched her heart open, and with nothing better to say she gave an apology of her own. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”

“We know.” Mira leaned sideways into Zoey, letting the youngest sag against her. “We know. And we know how important this is. We want you to feel whole, but we need you to be safe, too. There has to be a better way than just… forcing your way through. We’ll find the right path to take, okay? We’re going to make sure you find what you’ve been missing.”

And Rumi wanted to cry at the determination in their eyes, the unwavering love they held. T his is why she was never worried, because she was so sure that everything would turn out okay as long as she had them. 

Rumi stretched her arms out wide, inviting her girls to crash into her before she could cave into herself, limbs tangling together as they held each other close. It was breaking, mending, healing, too much and not enough. They needed the moment to gather themselves, to sooth the sting of misunderstandings and shortcomings. They needed the silent promises that they would grow from this, together.

She kissed each of their heads before parting, but neither moved away. Instead they rose from where they knelt to sit beside her, hands lacing with hers on her lap, wanting as much contact between them as they could manage.

It was then that Bobby cleared his throat, reminding them of his presence. 

Oh woops.

“Sorry, just… had to have a moment,” she mumbled.

“Don’t be sorry, I don’t mind! I’m just glad you three are working things out.” His grin softened a little, more uncertain as he took his turn to speak. “While you rested, the girls and I went over some plans. We have some ideas for how to go about this, if you’re open to hearing them.”

“I am. Show me what you’ve got.”

The girls helped her stand, pressed either side of her to help her hobble to the kitchen, legs still shaking as her strength waned. She eyed the cracked floor with eyebrows high on her head, but didn’t comment when she felt Mira tense beside her; they could deal with that mess later, she decided. Once she was set comfortably on a bar stool, Bobby and Zoey began to reorganize the countertop to present their plans. Mira stepped away to shuffle through the cabinets for something.

“So!” Bobby straightened out his notes, plopping the loose stack in front of Rumi. “Here’s what we’ve got so far. Some of the options we thought of are… less ideal, but we wanted to present them anyway so you could decide how viable they are. Sound good?”

Rumi picked up the stack with a smile. “Sounds good…”

There was a lot , far more than she’d expected. The thought of them doing all of this for her made her eyes water, but she wouldn’t cry. Not yet. They had too much to cover before tomorrow.

Option 1 detailed their theory about needing to reconnect with the Honmoon. It seemed like such an obvious idea when it was laid out before her, how had she not thought of that sooner? They harmonized with each other, sure, but they hadn’t taken the time to harmonize with the new Honmoon together. They didn’t think they needed to now that Gwi-Ma was gone. It made sense though, along with Mira’s theory that Rumi was allowed to pass because she’d split between both sides already.

Maybe that was why it went so wrong, because they haven’t attuned themselves to the new barrier? They were trying to force their way through a door without bothering to understand how it works first, of course it went wrong.

She set it aside in what would be designated as the “good pile.”

Option 2 followed the same train of thought, but suggested a change in locations. Spiritual centers, previous weak points in the Honmoon, anything was on the table as a possible entry point. They’d named the sanctuary, Namsan Tower, even the temple where Rumi was attacked, among other vague suggestions that seemed worth exploring. 

Rumi almost added it to the good stack, but paused with a frown. She set it aside with a shake of her head. “No… no, it has to be here.” Voice constricted, she forced herself to breathe through the ache in her chest. “I want to be here when I’m whole again. Home.”

Zoey hugged her from behind, resting her chin on Rumi’s shoulder. “Home it is, then.”

“Home is more cozy anyway,” Bobby chimed.

The sound of boiling water reached their ears. Rumi glanced over to see Mira leaning against the fridge, waiting for the kettle to finish as she watched them from afar. Four mugs were lined up before her, along with a jar of honey and some cookies laid out on a plate. They met each other with fond smiles, and Mira nodded to encourage her to keep reading.

Option 3 was to tear open the Honmoon by force in order to bring Rumi’s demon to their side, bypassing the need to descend to hell. She considered it, the danger of opening this side to whatever waited across the barrier, the risk of damaging the Honmoon in a way they couldn’t fix. She recalled the scream that echoed through the city, the Honmoon crumbling, evaporating, because her voice had torn it apart. The new veil was stronger now, woven anew by that same voice singing being as raw and honest she could be; woven through love, and trust, and openness. She didn’t want to jeopardize that. She didn’t want to destroy the shield they worked so hard to rebuild.

And, feeling strands of the Honmoon rise up to caress her back, she felt the promise that she wouldn’t have to. The Honmoon would meet them where they were, so long as they were willing to work with it.

Thus, option 3 was a solid no.

“I don’t want to do this so… violently.” Rumi explained. “We can do this without harming the barrier. Like you guys said, we just need to find the right path forward.”

Option 4 was similar, but less aggressive; bringing Rumi’s demon half across not by forcing the barrier to yield, but by summoning it the way they would their weapons. 

Wait, is that even allowed?

Mira returned to them with four steaming mugs of tea, along with the snacks she laid out, and passed their drinks out as she leaned over the counter. “Thank Bobby for this idea. He brought up the question of whether or not we can summon other things with the Honmoon. Your demon-half isn’t an object or a weapon, but it might be worth a shot anyway. It came back to you at the temple, didn’t it?”

“It… did, yeah. I’ve tried to call it back since then, but I could never feel it. Why was that time different?”

“Maybe the barrier was weaker because that other demon was there?”

“Plus, you were away from your sword,” Zoey recalled. “Maybe the Honmoon helped your other half across to protect you?”

Mira went to bite her a cookie, then paused. “But why send it back after? Seems a little counterintuitive if you ask me.”

“Unless…” Rumi traced her fingers over the cool marble, plucking at strings of the Honmoon as they hummed against her skin. Far, far beneath, that same drumming sensation echoed into her bones. “I don’t think the Honmoon had a choice. What if there’s something else keeping my demon bound, something other than the Honmoon that keeps dragging it back?”

The girls froze, and shared a look. Eyed wide, Zoey asked, “Like Gwi-Ma?”

“There’s no way, he’s – we beat him, I know we did! He doesn’t get to come back!” Mira snapped, breaking the cookie between her fingers. She looked at the dropped half and growled to herself in annoyance.

When she went to pick it back up, Rumi stopped her by pinning the cookie with a single finger. Mira looked up at her with a raised brow as Rumi plucked it, holding it in front of all their faces.

“The demon I fought in the temple said something… I didn’t think much of it since Zoey slayed him after, but now I can’t help but wonder… how long will it take for another demon king to rise?” Frowning, Rumi reached for the other half that Mira still held. Rumi held them apart, leaving a wide gap between the two halves. “A power vacuum like that can only last so long. Someone else is bound to try to take over, and when they do… if they gain the kind of control that Gwi-Ma had, and I reconnect with my demon now after it’s been trapped so long –”

Rumi connected the halves and, without a sound, dropped them. They cracked even further into a splay of crumbs and malformed chunks on the countertop.

Zoey sucked in a gasp. Mira stared at the broken cookie, holding her breath at the possibility laid out before them. Bobby, for his part, just looked confused.

“Uuuh… dulled down version for the non-hunter in the room?” He quipped, nervous sweat on his brow.

Rumi tried to smile, but couldn’t quite commit to it. “If there really is a new demon king rising, there’s a chance it could use my demon to get direct access to all of me; human, huntress, idol… I was immune to it before, but now? We have to assume it could manipulate me into doing something terrible. I’m not… I’m not as strong as I used to be,” she admitted. “Maybe staying separated is the safer option.”

Brows furrowed, Bobby reached out to lay a hand over one of hers. “But is that what you want, Rumi?”

She stared at the broken cookie, throat tightening the more she weighed the options in her head. She could learn to live without her demon, learn to tolerate the hollows that groaned in her chest. It would be safer that way, denying a future tyrant the opportunity to take control of her, or use her to control everyone else.

But was unassured safety worth self-sacrifice? Was she really willing to compromise herself again in favor of an outcome they couldn’t even guarantee?

Rumi was tired of letting herself fall through the cracks.

“No. It’s not. I want… I have to do this. Every option we explore leads back to us going to hell, that’s what the Honmoon keeps telling me.”

A thread flicked along her calf, curled over her wrist, pressed against the scars beneath the skin of her back. Yes, it seemed to say, you have to go.

“Okay then… there’s one more option on the table.” Zoey said, shoulders tensing.

Rumi flipped to the last page of notes. 

Option 5 was not a new plan, but a repetition with extra safeguards in place. With Derpy as their guide, the girls would try to venture through the Honmoon again, with ample supplies packed to help them on the other side should they need it. Ways to counteract the biting cold, ways to counteract the heat if hell happened to be bathed in fire the way half the world claims, even navigation tools to keep track of all the ground they’d cover while exploring. They were trying to cover as many bases as they could think of, and Rumi loved them all the more for how hard they were trying for her sake.

There was a smaller note about what to do if all else failed, and Rumi could only go alone.

Oh.

She hadn’t even considered not having the girls with her for this. But if that really was the only option… 

Rumi took the nearest pen and scratched the note out. It wasn’t an option, not for her.

“We’re going together,” she said resolutely. “Even if that means I have to wait a little longer, I’ll live with it. I don’t want to do this alone.”

Zoey squeezed her a little tighter, leaving a firm kiss at her temple. “Damn right we’re going together! Solo trips are lame, it’s way better to have some company.” And a little more seriously, added, “So, how do you wanna do this Ru?”

Sighing, Rumi dropped her gaze to the pages laid out before her. A small part of option 5 was deemed unacceptable, but the rest? The rest was smart. Well considered. She held that page up along with the first, scanning over them before raising her head once more. 

“Why don’t we combine these?” She suggested, handing the list of gear back to Bobby. “The girls and I will work on strengthening our connection to the Honmoon for the rest of today. If you don’t mind, can you help us source some of the stuff you noted here? We should try to cover all our bases before we do this for real.”

Bobby took the notes with an air of reverence, grateful to be trusted with such a task. He was already pulling up addresses on his phone for every possible store that sold camping gear or emergency supplies. 

With that, they all moved with renewed vigor. The girls reorganized everything on the counter in between bites of cookies, exchanging lingering glances to remind themselves that they were still together, in the moment, and didn’t yet have to worry about being separated. Bobby had stepped aside to make some calls, but from the way he paced in tight circles they could tell that Bobby was nervous, too. 

The threat of how things could go wrong constantly hung over them all like a dark cloud, but they refused to acknowledge the shadow closing in. They had to stay hopeful. They had to believe this would work in their favor or they’d lose their momentum.

Eventually, Bobby left the apartment with the promise of new gear and a nice, big dinner to cap the night off. The girls gathered in the living room, laying out a number of blankets and pillows close to the windows to make a little nest for themselves in the sunlight. Zoey played some ethereal, instrumental music from Rumi’s laptop to set the ambience; Mira lit incense all around them, and for a moment Rumi curled her nose at the disturbingly familiar scent; curled up by the grand piano, Derpy rumbled a soft purr that they could almost feel through the floorboards. Rumi stood by him and gave Sussie a quick scratch under the chin, smiling at the murmured cooing as the little bird settled into its perch atop the keys.

And with a breath that seized in her lungs, she took her place.

Celine learned, after much trial and error, that the girls couldn’t sit side by side without one bothering the others. Meditation just wasn’t something any of them could commit to, not entirely. So she got them into the habit of sitting in the triangle, facing outward, so none of them would be tempted to play around. It forced them to focus in a way they weren’t used to, but the results were undeniable. It only took a few more sessions like that for them to conjure their weapons for the first time.

They now held that same formation nearly a decade later, focusing their energies on the Honmoon as it hummed beneath them. Rumi faced the windows, with Zoey somewhere behind her to her right, and Mira on the opposite side. Minds blank, breaths steady, they tuned out the rest of the world – and each other – to devote their attention to the barrier.

More than an hour passed in this way. They honed in on the way threads rolled upward to greet them, brushing over their legs, draping across their backs, bleeding into them as much as it simply enveloped them in familiarity. It was never demanding, never forceful; it only ever gave, and only gave as much as they were willing to take.

There was always a limit drawn in their minds, a threshold for how much they allowed themselves to bear. Celine warned them against getting greedy, taking too much, abusing the power entrusted to them. Even now as the Honmoon urged them to take more, assured them that it wouldn’t weaken by giving freely to them, they held back. They reached the limit, let the energy flow through them, and –

… did nothing.

This was how they conjured their weapons for the very first time, but that wasn’t the goal. They were supposed to test the waters, and see whether or not they could form anything other than the weapons they knew so well. Instead they grasped at empty air, unspent energy buzzing in their palms.

Zoey was first to break the silence. “So… what exactly are we trying to make?”

Mira shrugged, though neither would see it. “I mean, a door would be nice. If we could just waltz right into hell that would solve half our problems.”

Chuckling, Rumi let the tension release from her shoulders. “A door is a little ambitious. Let’s start smaller… not a weapon, but something harmless. Keep it simple.”

They centered themselves again. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Feel the hum of thousands of souls trickling along the barrier, feel their own souls pluck at the strings… they imagined not their weapons, but something incredibly mundane for themselves, items small enough to hold in the palms of their hands. 

The Honmoon tugged at each of them with more insistence as if to tell them, You’re almost there. Just take more. You’re allowed to have this.

But the conditions weren’t quite right. The air was a little too cloying in their nostrils; the music was too stiff, too somber. The distance between them felt like a vast chasm threatening to swallow them whole.

Rumi stood with a huff, finally turning to face them again. And from the way they faced her, she could tell they were thinking the same thing.

“This doesn’t feel like us , does it?” Zoey stated, pausing the music. 

Mira licked her thumb and forefinger, using them to snuff out the nearest incense stick. “Not at all, no. This whole setup is waaaay too structured.”

“Feels too much like the sanctuary, not enough like home.” Rumi leaned against the window, eyes burning holes into her laptop as she chewed her bottom lip. “We need to make this more casual. More relaxed. Can you help make the room smell… not like the training grounds?”

Zoey immediately shot up, already seeming to have an idea in mind. She zipped off to her room while Mira smothered the rest of the burning wicks, moving the remnants to the kitchen to deal with later. When she returned, Rumi was moving her laptop from the floor to the piano bench, giving them a little more foot room to move across.

Rumi pursed her lips as she scrolled through her music folder, looking for the right playlist through narrowed eyes. It was incredibly endearing to see. Mira couldn’t help but swoon as, over her shoulder, she spotted one of her own curated dance mixes get picked.

Sliding up behind her, Mira wrapped her arms around her shoulders as she leaned in to whisper, “I’ve been thinking, we should go on another date when this is over. Let me and Zoey treat you this time.” She kissed behind Rumi’s ear, against her neck, brushed back up against her jaw to nuzzle her cheek. “Let us pamper you – all of you.”

Her heart leapt into her throat, thudding excitedly at the unsaid promises hiding beneath a sultry voice.

We’ll get through this.

You’ll be whole again.

Our love for you will never change.

“... I’d love that.”

She let herself bask in the affections, unafraid to indulge because she knew Mira needed it too. They needed something lighter to offset the anxiety creeping in the shadows, something to soften the tension that threatened to snap at any moment. 

Zoey returned to find them comfortably wrapped in one another in a moment too tender to let pass; she took a photo of them with a grin so wide it made her cheeks ache, and set it as her wallpaper before joining them. 

“Got some candles!” She chirped, laying them out around the blanket-nest. “Goodbye sandalwood, hello cinnamon spice and vanilla!”

Mira chuckled, tossing her the lighter without parting from Rumi. “Yep, that sounds more like us.” She leaned down again, tucking a finger under chin to tilt her head upwards. “Makes me crave something sweeter… I don’t suppose you could help me with that?”

Rumi inched closer, eyes flicking down to Mira’s lips. “Depends, what do I get out of this?”

“Anything you want,” Mira said, breath catching in her throat.

Without another word, Rumi closed the distance. Their kiss wasn’t heated, didn’t leave her nerves electrified the way it often did; it was slower, softer, not intended to tease or rile each other up, but to soothe instead. It tasted like sunshine on a cool day; a gentle breeze amidst grounded heat. It was languid, lingering, never rushed. A moment of reprieve before literal hell could break loose.

They took their time, let their breaths mingle as they parted for air, and crashed together once more to internalize the feeling of being so perfectly entwined. Eventually, though, they felt eyes on them, and giggled at the barely contained ball of energy thrumming beside them.

“Feeling left out, Zozo?” Mira teased, peering up at her with half-lidded eyes and a playful smirk.

Rumi looked over to find her blushing softly, shoulders hiked up to her ears. Before she could respond Mira was on her, a single finger hooked into the front of her sweatpants to pull her in. They kissed with a sharp inhale, bodies pressed together firmly as Mira found ways to close every possible gap between them. Fingers skated over Zoey’s waist, climbed over her ribcage, traced down her spine, all to leave her boneless as Mira finally showed her mercy. Pecking her on the forehead one last time, Mira stood back with a smug grin. 

“Satisfied?” She asked.

Red faced and spaced out, Zoey nodded, letting herself be twirled into a loose hug. Mira draped herself over her, arms dangling loosely around her neck as she took a deep breath of vanilla, cinnamon, and whatever perfume Zoey was wearing.

Now that felt more like home.

“Alright, this is feeling a little better,” Mira grinned. “So what do we do now?”

Rumi hit shuffle and sprung to her feet, arms out wide as she declared, “Whatever we want!”

They looked at her with bemused expressions, lips quirked in restrained smiles as they waited for a better explanation.

“This is our Honmoon. If we’re going to attune to it we should do it our way, so get loose, get creative! Think of it as a casual warm up, not… y’know, life or death experience building.”

Mira rolled her eyes, cocking her head to the side. “Oh yeah, now I’m super relaxed.”

“Just roll with me here,” Rumi grumbled.

She took the first steps, finding her rhythm rather quickly as she moved with the music. It didn’t take long for the girls to join her, movements flowing together effortlessly, unplanned and uncoordinated but fluid all the same. Hands would meet to twirl one another in tight circles. Fingers would skim across shoulders, dance over hips, cradle each other for fleeting moments when they just needed to feel . Zoey was first to start singing along, not in the measured voice used for performances, but in the raw, unfiltered way you would in the shower. Without any warm-up, without any need for perfection, full of skips and crackles and cackles when she stumbled over words.

Mira joined, not quite as loud but just as exuberant, and Rumi couldn’t help but fall into the gravity only they could create. They held their own orbit, existed in their own universe, where nothing could pry them apart. Rumi’s voice joined theirs with an airy lilt, breathless, raw and unhindered. 

Inhibition meant nothing in the face of boundless joy.

Their voices wove together seamlessly, as did every movement, sidestep, touch — when they closed their eyes the lines blurred between where one started and the other two ended. They were not just stars in the night gleaming together, they were their own constellation, connected in a way that transcended everything they knew.

And it was here in the ebb and flow of three hearts beating as one that the Honmoon gave way. It no longer danced at a distance, but rose up between them to weave itself into each motion. It encouraged them to draw closer and closer still, binding all three with threads that could never be broken. It hummed in harmony with their voices, bubbled with the force of their laughter, warmed at the fondess with which the girls held one another.

Beneath their feet, hard floors turned to loose sand.

Mira felt her foot cave through something cool and stumbled back into Zoey, sending them both careening into the pillow-blanket nest on the ground. On her way down, Mira had also snagged a fistful of Rumi’s hoodie, dragging her down right on top of them.

“Ooouugh my back,” Zoey wheezed.

“Shit, sorry —“

“Are you two okay?” Rumi asked, rising to assess her girlfriends.

Zoey remained face down in the blankets, but gave a wobble of her hand. Mira, firmly seated on her lower back, went to give a thumbs up…

Then gasped.

Rumi spotted a twinkle of bright blue reflected in Mira’s glasses, and followed her gaze to the spot where Mira was standing before.

A small, blue hole shimmered, echoing outward in circular ripples.

Mira reached beside her blindly to get Zoey’s attention, smacking her shoulder with barely contained excitement. “Dude, dude look. ”

“Look at what, my giant mountain of a girlfriend sitting on my —“

The words died in her throat as she saw it. No one moved for a while, too stunned and too afraid of ruining it somehow.

That is, until Zoey’s excitement bubbled over. “WE DID IT!”

Mira tumbled off of her as Zoey scrambled to stand, but the moment she had her feet planted the hole winked shut. Zoey’s face fell with a remorseful groan.

“ Nooooo we had it! Dammit!”

Rumi crept forward on her hands and knees, smoothing over the spot in awe. She couldn’t fight the grin that stretched across her face. “But we still had it. Your theories were right, we just had to reconnect with the barrier! All of us, as one! Guys, we can do it again, we…”

Slowly, her smile fell as reality settled in. 

They had done it. 

They can do it again.

We’re going to hell.

Chapter Text

Rumi was drifting down, down, without direction, without pause, without breath, through biting chill and threads that sought to comfort as much as they sought to block her from venturing further. They resisted, not because they wanted to thwart her from reaching her destination, but because they knew what lay ahead for their chosen. The Honmoon couldn’t fight its instinct to protect.

Regardless, she urged the veil to part for her, to allow her entry to a place she hoped would only be a temporary stop. Hand outstretched, she continued to blindly reach for the threshold of the inbetween. She could feel the others too, Zoey and Mira beside her pushing against the barrier in the same way, along with Derpy and Sussie guiding them through. 

Their eyes remained shut as they pushed further and further still, lights flashing, dimming, swelling beyond their eyelids. Dull blues and silvery whites turned to deep violet as they breached another layer, then blood red. Rumi felt something else through the darkness, the distinct shape of Zoey and Mira’s souls drifting away from her. She reached out, trying to pull them back, trying to keep them close, but they were already too far gone. 

She was alone, adrift in a vast ocean with no hope of rescue, shoreline in sight but painfully out of reach. Her body was frigid as she was pulled away from the warmth of home, blood turned to sludge, heart seizing in her chest. Threads of the Honmoon no longer parted gently, but ripped beneath her as the barrier rushed to expel her in a panic; distantly, Rumi wondered how much longer she could have survived without its desperate action.

A swell of hot air met her as she violently hurdled downward, crashing into rushing water that clung like tar and fought every attempt to break free. Rumi’s movements were restricted as she flailed, slowed by a weight that pressed into every ache, until something else yanked her out. Gasping for air as she surfaced, she felt a strong hand drag her out of the water by her arm, damn near ripping it off in the process.

She choked down another lungful of air and nearly screamed at the pain that tore through her. She recognized this pain, this agony, all of it, years of wounds compounded, overlapping, scarring over; an unforgiving knee crushing her spine, pinning her to the ground, leaving her helpless; a hand twisted into the very fabric of her soul, tearing her in two; electricity lancing through her veins, charring her bones, making every inhale feel like fire in her lungs.

Rumi felt the pain of hundreds of battles, decades of injuries, a lifetime of hardships – she felt it all in one crushing blow that struck every nerve across her body. She couldn’t get any air in. Her body crumpled on itself as if that would somehow stop the unseen assault on her senses, but there was no relief to be found. The pain was endless, woven into every vein and nerve, coiled around her skeleton like a serpent choking the life from her very marrow, invading even her fragmented soul as it forced itself to be heard.

Truly, this was hell.

And she was all alone.

Eyes snapped open to search for her girlfriends, their guides, anything that could offer some semblance of comfort, but the sight she was met with smothered whatever hope she might have had. Demons of all varieties surrounded her on all sides, crouched like tigers ready to pounce, looming like vultures waiting to make a meal of her. She was being dragged somewhere she couldn’t see, unable to move as her body shook from the unending cold that seeped through her. Teeth chattering, she tried and failed to call out for someone, anyone, to help her.

The eyes that leered at her flashed with something that was almost unbelievable, something too soft for the world she was in. Was it pity? Sympathy? Or was she forcing herself to see something kinder just to feign some respite?

She was flipped around, hoisted up, slung over a broad shoulder as the demon that previously dragged her by the arm was shoved aside. A deep voice rumbled beneath her, “No damage, remember? I’ll take her from here since you can’t be bothered to be more careful.”

“She’s a hunter, she’ll be fine.”

“I’ve got her.” A growl rumbled from beneath her, and she felt it rattle through her skull. “Just shut up and find the others. And someone with a little more tact, knock this one out before she does something stupid.”

A smaller demon entered her view just long enough to flick her forehead. It was barely a tap, but that alone was enough to send a wave of pure exhaustion on a languid path through her head. It shot straight through her skull, ricocheted off the back, and returned on the same path, pulling her into unwanted sleep by the time it settled behind her eyes.

Rumi’s head fell limp, dead to the world as she was ferried off to the unknown.

– –

Bare feet padded over smooth stone. With a heavy sigh, the demon dropped into a squat beside the figure sitting at the top of the steps.

“Feeling cold?”

… no.

“Why are you shaking, then?”

There was a long pause as she stilled. Arms wrapping around herself, she curled inward as she brought her knees up to her chest.

Hurts. It’s been so long…

“Are you afraid she’ll reject you?”

No, no… I’m worried the surface will reject both of us.

Amber eyes turned skyward, tracing over lines of the Honmoon as it rippled. A single hand reached up, marking a path through the air as if tracing constellations, ending at a point on the horizon. In response, a thread of the Honmoon shone bright blue along that same path, blinking once, twice, then fading.

“You’re always welcome to stay down here you know. No shortage of company, though I can’t promise it’s always the good kind.” 

She allowed herself to glance at him with something close to gratitude, gaze darkening as she felt something stir far below their feet.

… I’m worried hell will reject us too. 

— —

A hard and unforgiving edge pressed into her stomach again, again, again in a steady rhythm. Eyes cracked open, blurred out of focus, world swaying as she tried to recall when and where she was, what she was doing before, and why everything hurt so much?

Her head was pounding. The scars along her spine screeched with fresh anguish as if they’d been inflicted just moments before – no, in the moment, old pains resurging on repeat across her body. They waxed and waned, dulling to a whisper one second and wrenching her open in the next. The feeling of a hand clenched around her vertebrae made her want to vomit; the sensation of bones cracking beneath a poorly placed knee crushed the air from her lungs.

Electricity crackled through her veins, followed by the burn of hellfire, soothed by nothing more than the pause between waves of pain.

Legs blurred in her view. She realized as her back pulled uncomfortably that she was draped over something, looking down at the ground as she was carried to… somewhere. Her messy braid swayed with every step. Arms half asleep dangled uselessly along with it. Rumi tried to move a single finger and lighting shot up her arm.

It wrenched a cry out of her before she could think to stop it.

All motion stopped around her. The legs – inhuman legs, she realized – slowed to a stop as the thing carrying her jostled her with a small bounce. Rumi grunted again and the creature rumbled in surprise.

“There’s one. The other two awake yet?”

A smaller, gravelly voice, called back from somewhere to her right. “Nope, still out cold.”

“Good, let’s keep it that way. Knock her out again.”

A blur of purple and blue entered her vision. The felt a tap against her forehead, a surge of energy pulse through her skull, and a heavy weight over her eyes as the spell began to take root. Before sleep could take her though, Rumi honed in on what the demons had said in passing.

Other two… out cold?

Rumi gasped, raising her head as much as she could to search for Zoey and Mira. It strained her neck and shoulders, squeezed the muscles of her back in a way that choked the air from her lungs. Her girls were alive but unconscious, each being carried by a demon nearly twice their size. She couldn’t see their faces, but she could see the rise and fall of their backs as they breathed. She couldn’t feel safe though, not when they were already captive, not when her girls were vulnerable like this.

She shook her head violently to keep herself awake. Rumi twisted out of the demon’s grip and crashed gracelessly into the ground, grunting as she willed herself to stand. She leveled her gaze at the demons holding Zoey and Mira, lips curled in a snarl as she spoke. 

“Let them go. Now.”

The demons shared a look. They almost seemed to comply, but the moment of hesitation was enough to send Rumi spiralling. Their hands were on her girlfriends, her people. That was an insult she refused to accept. She stretched her arm out beside her to summon a sword that never came; clawed unsheathed from a purpled hand instead. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was enough.

She swallowed every ounce of pain that flared across her body, let it boil inside her with untamed fire, and turned it outward into rage. Rumi charged at the demon holding Zoey first, slashing at its thigh to force it to kneel. She missed the mark, however, and tumbled into the dirt behind it. 

The creatures were staggered by her sudden change. She could see the conflict play out across their faces, caught between the need to defend themselves and a stark unwillingness to fight her. The demon that had carried Rumi – the largest of the bunch – put a single hand up as if in surrender. 

“Take it easy,” he said, voice far softer than it should have been, “you don’t wanna do this.”

Rumi couldn’t back down, wouldn’t back down, not until her girls were safe with her.

“GIVE THEM BACK!” She shouted, a single amber eye flashing as her patterns began to glow.

And they did. The two scrambled to lay the girls down gently –

This doesn’t feel right.

– then backed away to give her space. Rumi surged forward to grab Zoey and Mira, trying to rouse them from sleep –

This is a trap.

– only to be met with two grumbles of discomfort. She glanced up at the demons who regarded her with a mix of understanding and… submission?

“Stay away from us,” she snarled again.

Effortlessly, Rumi hefted the girls onto her shoulders and ran. Where she was heading, she had no idea. She just needed to get away. She just needed them safe. She needed space to figure out what was happening, and how to set everything right again. Her legs were driven by instinct alone as she veered off the dirt road they were set on, onto a narrower path down a steep slope. Even as she stumbled, fell, skidded to a stop in biting gravel, Rumi never let her girlfriends touch the ground.

She’d let her legs snap before she ever dared to drop them.

Demon blood surged through her veins, driving her forward, giving her boundless energy that she shouldn’t have had. It burned inside her, burned for release as she kept running. She could feel her ankles bend and buckle against unsteady stones, but hardly slowed. Her knees and shoulders ached with overexertion, but she didn’t care. 

They weren’t safe yet. They weren’t safe because nothing felt safe. Nothing and everything felt familiar all at once. Her body knew these landscapes but her mind was always ten steps behind. It didn’t make sense. Rumi couldn’t calm her nerves no matter how far she went. The ditch she stumbled through opened to a dead forest; the dead forest gave way to an open field; the open field faded into tattered ruins of moss and stone. 

She was ready to blow right past it when a soft, crackling voice murmured her name.

Zoey was awake.

Rumi couldn’t respond, though. She didn’t trust the ball of wrath nestled heavily in her throat. Instead, she trudged into the ruins and shuffled to one of the few corners still intact, dropping to one knee with an exhausted huff. She loosened her grip on Zoey, letting her slide off her shoulder and onto her knees beside her. With her firmly settled Rumi used her free hand to guide Mira down as well, propping her against the wall.

Mira was still asleep, but Rumi could tell she was moments from waking. Her brow furrowed, and the corners of her lips twitched with silent mumbles. Her breaths were losing the deep, even rhythm they’d had during the trek here. Rumi cupped her cheek with her free hand, feeling an unholy chill on her skin.

What the fuck?

She glanced beside her, seeing Zoey shiver violently as she tried to rifle through her backpack. When she produced a set of hand warmers a second later with a sigh of relief, Rumi felt something lance through her chest. 

No.

Rumi yanked her forward, tucking Zoey into herself and wrapping her arms around her midsection. Without a word, she shuffled them both between Mira’s legs, with Rumi pressing her back into their still snoozing girlfriend. The fire that burned across Rumi’s skin dampened when met with the ice in their veins; heat bled out of her, and she gladly let it so they could feel warmer.

Zoey half gasped, half giggled as she nuzzled her face into Rumi’s neck. “So toasty… can you be our heater all the time?”

Rumi could only smile, snark and sass dying on her tongue. Now wasn’t the time, she decided. She needed them to be comfortable above all else. She could joke all she wanted later when they were back home.

It was in the weighted press of back to chest and simmering heat that Mira finally began to stir. She blinked her eyes open slowly, head knocking into the back of Rumi’s as she mumbled something incoherent.

Zoey tilted her head up just slightly to raise her voice. “A little louder, love?”

Mira cleared her throat, groaned at the sandpaper feel of her own tongue, and spoke again. “Feels like I got hit by a truck.”

“Well we didn’t get isekai’ed if that’s what you’re thinking… at least, I don’t think we did.”

“Didn’t even cross my mind but thanks for the reassurance.” Shivering, Mira wormed her arms beneath Zoey to tuck against Rumi’s stomach, pulling both even closer. “Wow, it’s my lucky day. Two hot girls without even trying.”

“I’m actually freezing but I’ll take the compliment,” Zoey jeered, hand wrapping around Mira’s bicep to give her a squeeze.

Rumi’s voice, ragged and far deeper than it should’ve been, came out in a tired chuckle. “You guys are ridiculous.”

The girls framing her tensed. Slowly, Zoey unfurled herself to look up at Rumi’s face, eyebrows shooting high up on her forehead when she saw her in her entirety. 

The patterns across her face and neck glowed a deep mauve, pulsing in time with a heartbeat that refused to slow. Her eyes were blown wide, both irises burning amber as pupils shifted from thick slits to rounded orbs, staring right back at Zoey with affection that couldn’t be put into words. Purple claws dug into stiff leather just enough to bite without piercing, and a set of long fangs pressed into her bottom lip in the same way. Truly, she was living up to the moniker of “half-demon.”

Heart skipping a beat, Zoey dared to hope that maybe their predicament had been resolved somehow; she dared to hope that the mere act of walking the planes of hell was enough for Rumi to restore her connection. 

A tentative hand rose to cup Rumi’s left cheek, patterns glowing harsher under the careful brush of her thumb. “Sweetie, are you… how do you feel right now? Are you, y’know… whole again?”

It was such a loaded question when Rumi’s brain could hardly function. She tilted her head like a curious puppy, brows furrowing as she tried to form words.

“I… I feel…” she pouted, staring at the far wall with confusion. “Not here. Somewhere else. I’m, I’m here but I’m… not? I feel you, but not enough.” She squeezed Zoey’s midsection, pressing their foreheads together with a grumble. “Need you closer, I need – but you’re here. You’re right here. But, I, you’re not –”

Rumi searched Zoey’s eyes with something desperate, frantic, every breath trembling as panic crawled through her limbs. “Why are you so far away,” she whispered, tears brimming. “I can’t reach you…”

Zoey glanced at Mira, who was instantly more alert at her ramblings. Their grip tightened around Rumi, but it did nothing to soothe her as she spiralled further and further.

“I feel you. I feel you but you’re not here. I can’t – I need – everything hurts.”

Mira pressed fervent kisses to the back of Rumi’s neck while Zoey brushed heavy tears from her cheeks. Her patterns were pulsing brighter, a merciless cadence of strobing lights as Rumi’s heart pounded behind her ribs. She could see dirt beneath her feet, see the way her booted heels pressed into loose soil, but felt the scrape of stone as if her bare soles pressed into concrete. Her hands were pressed into Zoey’s back, absorbing the sensation of muscles tensing and flexing beneath her fingertips… and yet, her hands felt cold and empty all the same, clenching on empty air, yearning for something to hold. 

The scars in her back flared again, wrenching a cry from her throat that echoed off of ancient walls, but faded in stagnant air all the same.

“I don’t know where I am. I can’t feel you – I CAN feel you – I can’t –”

“Breathe, baby,” Zoey murmured, planting a kiss against the crease between her brows. “We’re here. We’re with you. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, we’re right here.”

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Rumi sobbed.

“We’ll figure it out, just breathe for me, please. Stay with us.”

Zoey took a slow, deliberate breath in, held it, and released. Nudging Rumi’s arms, she directed clawed hands away from her back to rest against her ribs instead, pressing Rumi’s palms into the curve of bone as she inhaled again. Held it. Exhaled. On the next inhale she gave the half demon one sharp nod to encourage her to copy the pattern, to breathe with her, guiding her into a gentler rhythm.

Rumi’s eyes flickered over her face, bounced back and forth between her eyes, then drifted over Zoey’s shoulder, panic giving way to confusion. Her hands twitched, loosened, then tightened around her, fingertips internalizing the squeak of leather and the shudder that ignited beneath. She turned her head to look over her shoulder at Mira, who kept her lips pressed firmly to the crux between Rumi’s neck and shoulder. The sensation was so strong, but so distant all the same. She needed them closer but she knew that wasn’t possible; they were right there.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Rumi repeated, voice almost too quiet to hear.

Mira tilted her head just enough that Rumi could see her face fully, a thousand questions dancing on her tongue. The one she settled on was – hopefully – the least likely to make her panic again. “Do you remember what our mission was?”

It took Rumi a long time to process. She still matched Zoey breath for breath, still grounded herself in the ghost of Mira’s lips on her shoulder, but allowed her mind to wander as she sorted through fragments of memory. Frigid skin. Warm blankets. Scrawled notes and contingency plans.

Music, soft at first, turning to something more bass-heavy, flowing into bubbly pop; flourishes, dips and sways flowing into one another, hands guiding, grasping, twirling, reaching.

Her hand, reaching through the Honmoon to part the veil.

A hand reaching back to pull her through.

A connection barely established, already breaking again as she plummeted. Hard dirt, an impact that should have broken bones, and a strangled cry that rippled across the barrier.

Rumi looked up at the Honmoon glittering high over their heads, and something finally clicked. “Hell… we needed to go to hell. We made it?”

Mira nodded against her, grip tightening. “We did. Do you remember why we’re down here?”

Instinctively, one of Rumi’s hands shifted away from Zoey’s ribs to press into her own chest, feeling the hollow within her own soul. “I… I need to find myself.”

“That’s right,” Zoey said, smiling reassuringly. “So? How are you feeling? Is she – are you all together again?”

“... no.” Rumi clutched at her collar as the hollow seemed to groan within her. Distantly, she felt a matching ache far, far outside of herself. “Still split. Still hurts.”

Zoey searched her face for a brief moment before speaking again. “You’re partially shifted, Rumi. Do you understand why?”

For the first time, Rumi studied herself. She was alarmed for a fleeting second before her expression schooled itself to something softer, something relieved. “I don’t… but it feels right.”

“Okay then.” Zoey scooted back to look over both her girlfriends with determination set in her gaze. “You’re not completely connected yet, but that’s fine. We made it to hell in one piece and we’re all still together, that’s what matters most right now. Let’s regroup, rest up. We’ll start looking for your other half once we recover.”

Rumi’s vision blurred out of focus as she nodded. She could hear voices other than Zoey’s or Mira’s speaking somewhere in front of her, but they were alone in the ruins. She could feel anger broiling in her chest even as the calming presence of her girlfriends encapsulated her. The feeling of searching for something registered in her mind, like seeking out the north star in the night sky; like scanning the horizon for the shore as you drift on unsteady waters. And, in the next second, she felt disappointment because whatever she was looking for wasn’t there, and it ached.

Everything ached, really. Without the adrenaline driving her she became far too aware of pains both old and new surging through her body. It all felt too sharp, too biting, too fresh. Rumi’s own body began to shake as the women surrounding her finally stilled, too overwhelmed by the assault on her nerves to stop her tremors.

“Still with us, tiger?” Mira asked, hand tracing the far side of Rumi’s jawline to turn her head toward her. 

Rumi stared at her, but felt no relief. Her hand pressed firmly into Zoey’s side as if testing whether she was still there or not, and she was. She hadn’t moved, hadn’t disappeared, but those facts were hardly comforting. They weren’t what she was seeking out so desperately. Through the haze of pain she could feel something press into her chest to soothe her throbbing heartbeat, rub out the soreness of her shoulder where she’d crashed into the ground, but it wasn’t Mira or Zoey. 

Something else ghosted over her tired muscles, trying to ease the pain from afar. The touch was familiar. Known. 

“I’m here, but I’m somewhere else too,” she responded, tone curling into a question at the end. She clicked her tongue in frustration. “It’s like… my mind is split between here and… somewhere else. Like, I’m present, here, but living a whole other experience outside of here. Sorry, I don’t know how to explain it.”

Mira seemed confused at first, then her eyes flashed with some sort of recognition. “Rumi, can you describe where else you are?”

“Where I… what?”

“You’re here with us, but I think you’re seeing things from your demon half too. If you can tell us what she’s seeing, hearing, feeling, maybe we can find her faster.”

The gears were turning in Rumi’s head, but out of sync. In their company she still felt lost, but far outside of herself she felt the wind whip around her, and a dizziness as if she were spinning in place. A low whine left her throat at the odd sensation.

The feeling stopped.

“This is so weird,” Rumi muttered, pressing the heel of her hand into her eyes.

Zoey’s touch ghosted over her jawline, leading her to lean into her palms. She relished in the softness of her hands, yet mourned it all the same; she couldn’t feel it, not entirely. Even as Zoey pulled her in to kiss her forehead, she wanted more. Rumi pressed herself deeper into gentle hands, rubbed her cheek into her girlfriend's palms like a needy cat demanding cuddles. 

“You’re focusing too much on us, here,” Zoey whispered, thumbs tracing over her cheekbones. “Can you try something for me?”

She nodded desperately, hanging on every word that kept her anchored there with them.

“Close your eyes.”

Nodding again, she followed her direction.

Zoey’s hands left her, as did Mira’s presence at her back, and she whined at the loss.

“Sssh. We’re still here, we won’t leave you. But I need you to focus on yourself right now. Keep your eyes closed, and let your other half guide you. Talk us through what she’s feeling.”

Rumi clenched her jaw and, with some reluctance, let her hands rest in her lap. She turned her attention inward, drowning out the quiet breaths she could hear from her partners, and the occasional squeak of leather as they shifted around her. Her mind wandered to unknown places, away from the dirt and stone and stillness of the ruins to open air and sweeping views of the horizon.

This time, the sensation of spinning in place came slower, more measured. Images flashed in her mind of a sloping staircase, a broad stone platform marred by blackened scorch marks, distant hills and mountains touching clouds that flashed with eternal lightning storms. She turned further, seeing a marsh that bled outward to a massive lake with waters so dark they could swallow the stars. 

Her view shifted to the staircase again, peering down at dozens – hundreds of demons all staring back in rapt attention, not hungry, not hateful, just curious. 

She heard a voice beside her, low and gravelly, almost fearful, and turned toward it. The same three demons that had carried the girls before were facing down Rumi’s other half, telling her something that made rage and frustration boil in her chest. She wouldn’t take it out on them, though; she refused to lash out at any of the demons in her presence.

I am not the same as him.

And Rumi – the human, still seated in the ruins – asked herself who? Who am I being compared to?

She could feel her other half turn, walk, and stop at the center of whatever platform they were on. Her hand stretched out, blue patterns shifting across pure white skin, and conjured a small, purple flame over the stone. The flame warped into something spiteful, violent, then snuffed out.

Gwi-Ma.

Rumi gasped, eyes flickering behind lids still shut as she spoke to her girls at last. “The throne… Gwi-Ma’s throne. She’s there.”

She could feel Mira tense behind her even without the physical touch. “Is he…?”

“Gone. I… feel the heat, where he used to linger. I still feel his hate clinging to every surface. But he’s gone. He’s not coming back.”

“Good riddance,” Zoey sighed. “What else do you see, Rumi?”

“There was a lake… some wetlands. Mountains, far, far away. But in front of the throne it's all… flat plains, maybe some hills. A few buildings, old ones, barely standing. Barely any landmarks that I can see. There’s a road I think, but getting there is…”

Dangerous.

The ground almost seemed to bend beneath them, like reality itself was warping around the trio. A shiver ran down her spine, but she shook the feeling away.

“We can do it,” Rumi told herself.

“We can. We will,” Mira declared. “Do you know what direction to go?”

Rumi’s demon half turned its head back to the lake, glaring beyond the far shoreline. In the ruins, Rumi turned her head to parts yet unexplored. She could almost feel it, like the joy of seeing an old friend from afar; like finding the one familiar face in a crowded room. 

They were finally seeing each other for the first time in ages. It felt like home.

“I do… I know where to go.” Rumi finally opened her eyes again, feeling the connection wane just slightly. “It’s far, but we can get there. We just have to be careful.”

Mira wrapped her arms around her again, chin resting on Rumi’s shoulder with a small huff. “I don’t suppose she could meet us halfway?”

Rumi felt a pang in her chest, a weight on her wrists as if she were chained to the floor. She shut her eyes again, letting visions of the throne, the staircase, the horde of demons dance behind her eyelids. Her own demon’s hand reached out and, with a growl, watched it bounce off an invisible wall. 

With a grunt of pain, Rumi’s hand clenched to her chest. “She can’t, she’s… she’s trapped there. Something won’t let her leave. We have to go to her.”

“Okay then, the plan hasn’t changed. We’ll make our way to the throne, reunite you two, then peel the hell out of here.” Mira rolled her eyes and snickered. “No pun intended.”

Squirming her way into the embrace, Zoey wrapped her arms and legs around both of them and smushed her cheek against Rumi’s chest. “Rest for now. We’ll get moving in a few minutes.”

Without another word, Rumi sagged into them and drifted off, exhaustion taking root as a more comforting weight pressed in around her. Far outside of herself, miles away from her body, she felt her demon purr in satisfaction as it found a spot to sprawl out, arms and legs spread in a star as it soaked in the ghost of their lover’s touch.

And, quietly, the two halves shared a promise that it would be the real thing soon.

– –

“Someone looks relaxed.”

She peered over at the demon beside her, sitting cross legged with his chin propped up on his hand, elbow resting on his knee. He smirked as best he could behind protruding fangs.

Have to be. Our souls are being drawn to one another.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Turning her hands over, she pressed her palms flat into the stone beneath. The world hummed in dissatisfaction beneath her.

… have you ever pulled a rubber band so far that it snaps?

He nodded sagely. “Sure, sure, plenty of times.”

Well imagine…

She pointed to the sky and traced an oval in the air. Blue flames lingered along the path her fingers made, and when the two ends joined she pinched both sides with her thumbs and forefingers. The flames pulled longer as she stretched her arms outward.

We are two ends of the rubber band. Two sides being pulled apart. Our souls are trying to join but our bodies can’t understand, can’t keep up with the stretch. There’s too much resistance.

The flames thinned, strained, dripping fire that faded to embers in the air.

One side will fail if this drags on too long. I worry what will happen to our souls if it comes to that.

Then, with a final tug, the lines snapped. The flames disconnected, one end continuing to burn between pinched fingers as the other fizzled out.

“... half of you will die, then?”

I don’t know. Hopefully we never have to find out. But… if only one of us can live then I hope it’s her. I need her to be free or this will all have been for nothing.

“And if she decides she doesn’t want to live 

without you?”

… if it comes to that, I won’t give her a choice… and I’ll die happily knowing I was wanted.

“Well that’s fuckin’ morbid.”

Shrugging, she gave a half chuckle. 

Welcome to my life, I guess.

— —

Soon wasn’t coming soon enough. They’d left the ruins after a long rest, crossing through a valley that tapered into a rocky canyon with steep cliff faces and unforgiving terrain. Thin black waterfalls broke through cracks to dribble to the canyon floor, running in such a way that they ended up following the flow downstream. Time didn’t pass normally in hell; Zoey tried to measure how long they’d walked and the distance crossed, but any devices they had were rendered useless in the unearthly space. All they could rely on was intuition, but even that was spotty in such unknown territory.

They went over the little they remembered, from them passing through the Honmoon to falling to the planes of hell below, to nearly drowning in water that yearned to hold them deeper. They recalled losing track of each other in the space between realms, losing track of Derpy and Sussie in the transition between worlds, and failing to find them again in the few moments they had before falling unconscious. They had yet to see their animal companions again, even hours later.

Rumi couldn’t get a good lay of the land on their descent, but Zoey and Mira held on to a few details. Most notably, Zoey thought she’d see what might have once been a village, disheveled and left destroyed by forces unknown. At its center was a massive staircase leading up to a raised platform, but she couldn’t make out any details from their distance.

Mira had registered details of the lake more than what they now knew to be Gwi-Ma’s throne. The enormous body of water had a small island at its center, with an ancient dead tree and nothing more. In her rapid descent she traced the path of a river connecting the main lake to the area where they dropped; that same river was the first thing to greet her when she touched down.

They were learning fairly quickly that hell wasn’t what anyone believed it to be. It wasn’t bathed in eternal fire and brimstone, echoing with screams of the damned. It wasn’t frozen over with a chill so deep that no life could exist within it. Hell was a mirror, reflecting another version of the world above. Time didn’t exist here. Everything was too still, too static, suspended in a realm where the usual flows and rhythms of life were smothered. The world within hell didn’t breathe the way the surface did. 

Layers and layers beneath hard soil and bedrock, something else sucked life out of every surface. Something ancient, not quite evil, not at all good, just there. Something that only knew how to take, absorb, hoard, but never give. Rumi felt it prod at her soul as if testing its strength, plucking at whatever bonds it could find to see which would snap first.

Rumi felt herself slipping further and further away from her body, cold and detached, numb to the world around her. No amount of rest helped relieve the all encompassing exhaustion pressing down on her. She was trudging, stumbling, bringing the journey from a steady march to a snail’s creep. When Mira had to catch her for the fifth time, something finally snapped.

“Rumi, sit. Now.”

And she did. She let herself be guided to the nearest rock, plopped down, and shuddered at the way her body almost magnetized to its surface, as if the stones themselves were trying to absorb her lifeforce.

Mira knelt in front of her, a cool hand pressing to Rumi’s forehead, another checking her pulse. They cupped her cheeks, soothed clammy skin that was already overloaded with too much of the wrong sensations. 

“Sweetie, talk to us, please. You’ve been quiet this whole walk, and you keep tripping on nothing. What’s wrong?”

Rumi blinked sluggishly, trying to process her words, trying to form a response, trying to do anything at all. Why did she feel so weak?

The pains were still a constant, yes, but that wasn’t the main cause of her fatigue. She could feel her soul dislodging, loosening its coil around her heart. It still clung, but something kept tugging insistently, trying to coax it away from her. She didn’t know how long it would hold on.

“Losing…” Rumi mumbled.

Mira’s heart seized as she looked up at their third. Zoey sat beside Rumi, taking one of her clawed hands to hold it against her chest. The half demon felt the soft thump of her heart and tried to focus on it, tried to ground herself in their presence, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough, because she was already half gone.

“Something is calling me,” she continued, “pulling me away. I can’t… I can’t fight back. I keep losing ground.”

Zoey gripped her hand tighter, whimpering when Rumi couldn’t quite squeeze back. “What do we do? How do we keep you here?”

Rumi wanted to cry at the fear in her voice. 

“I don’t know…”

“Is it your demon half trying to reach you?” Mira asked, barely masking the tremors running through her.

Shaking her head, Rumi glanced down the path they were heading. “No. It’s not… her. It’s down. Under. Like the ground is trying to swallow me whole.”

The Honmoon rippled above them. Breath catching in her throat, Rumi’s eyes narrowed to pinpoints as her gaze fell to the dirt between her feet. She could feel it, dark and twisted, teeth gnashing greedily, waiting for her to reach her lowest point.

Waiting to devour her.

“It won’t let me leave,” she whispered, voice trembling.

For a moment, neither of the girls spoke. They were too afraid of whatever looming thing Rumi battled with that they couldn’t see or sense. All they knew was that Rumi’s strength was faltering, and they had to act fast.

A wordless agreement passed between them. Zoey tugged on one of the straps of Mira’s backpack with a nod. With her back and arms freed Mira turned and scooted back, arms stretched out behind her towards Rumi.

“Get on. I’ll carry you the rest of the way.”

“… it’s far.”

Mira glanced over her shoulder with a smirk. “I’ll manage.”

Rumi almost turned her down. Almost stood just to prove she wasn’t so helpless. Almost conjured enough sass to bicker with her girlfriend. But she could feel the way her body had suctioned to the stone beneath, unseen chains and covetous hands trying to hold her in place. She was running out of time.

Without any grace she rolled forward into Mira, caught by a pair of strong arms that remained unfazed by her bonelessness. She was lifted with some effort, and felt some relief when her feet finally left the ground.

“I’ll be your buffer,” Mira grunted, hopping once to adjust her grip on Rumi. “If hell wants to eat you it has six feet of bad bitch to get through first.”

Rumi snickered, letting her eyes drift shut as she settled against Mira’s back. “You sure I’m not too heavy?”

Lips curled into grins as they all recalled how this began months ago, with a tearful alleyway confession of pain and a careful piggyback ride home.

As nonchalant as she’d been on day one, Mira responded, “It’s not like I’d put you down if you were. I’m not a quitter.”

This time around, Rumi didn’t answer back right away. She wrapped her arms around Mira a little tighter, guilt and shame and self loathing swirling in her chest at the need to be carried again like a fragile child. As they began to walk out, Rumi told herself that this would be the last time.

“I’m not either…” she muttered.

Zoey cocked an eyebrow at her, nodding at her to elaborate.

Rumi raised her head, gaze locked on the horizon with a little more fire in her eyes. “I’m not a quitter… I’m not giving up. Whatever this is, I’ll keep fighting it. I’ll keep trying.” A little quieter, she added, “I promise, I’ll keep trying.”

With her best smile of reassurance, Zoey reached up and brushed a stray hair away from her forehead. “Then you won’t lose.”

“Damn right,” Mira cheered.

For a moment, Rumi let hope warm her chest again. They were challenged, yes, but they were adapting. They hadn’t failed. 

Just don’t touch the ground again. 

… I don’t think Mira’s pride will let me.

Her demon half snickered. Good. She won’t drop you, then.

Rumi continued to guide them through the canyon, small streams converging into a steady river at their feet. Tip toeing along the edge, they reached a point where the canyon began to break, sheer cliff faces giving way to broken crags and boulders, tapering off into an open field. Ultimately they decided to keep following the river to wherever it led, keeping a good pace even as solid ground turned muddy. Their hope was that following the river would lead them to the lake, and eventually to Gwi-Ma’s throne.

Time dragged on at an imperceptible rate. There was no sun or moon to signal the passage of time, no clouds overhead to show how the world turned independent of them. All they could do was push forward and hope they were still making progress.

Goosebumps raised over Rumi’s arms. The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end as she felt eyes on them, watching from the underbrush, peering over the water’s surface, tracing every movement. She felt Mira tense beneath her, saw Zoey square her shoulders as she picked up her pace to walk ahead of them. 

They knew, too. They were being watched. Stalked. Hunted.

Rumi leaned in to whisper into Mira’s ear, “Other me said I can’t touch the ground.”

Mira sucked in a breath. “Fuck, okay… ‘floor is lava’ rules. Not ideal but we can do that. Zoey?”

Her shin-kal shimmered at the edge of existence, not quite fully formed but ready to appear at the bat of an eye. Scanning over the tall grass, Zoey answered, “I’ve got the range. I can keep them at a distance but if we get swarmed by too many this’ll be a problem.”

“Should we make a run for it?”

Running provokes. Just walk.

“Might not be the best idea,” Rumi muttered, looking towards the river. “They haven’t attacked yet, maybe they’ll leave us be.”

There was too much movement in the tall grass, however. Too much motion, too many bodies, too loud a noise as dozens of footfalls stomped in the dirt. Her girls tried to track the rapid shadows sprinting beside them, but couldn’t quite keep up.