Chapter Text
ISOLATED ISLAND DOCK
According to the official documentary, Noise TV discovered this island and there was no one on it. Anyone who could dispute this had already been forced to face a newly built wall or ran further into the island where no one would attack them. At least, not quite yet.
A filming studio, a dock, cabins, they’d all been built. Theodore didn’t like when things weren’t ready on time, and when they didn’t like something, people tended to get hurt. Though this was likely the biggest project NTV had embarked on yet, it was treated as if it was any other show.
Well, OK, that was a lie. The budget had increased by far as The Noise’s acts had skyrocketed their popularity so much, and they were now able to afford an actual crew. NTV was no longer simply hosting random pranks that some foolish human rights organizations and governments called ‘violations of the Geneva Conventions’. No, this was going to be bigger. But one thing hadn’t changed.
The Noise: When are they getting here already? You know what, fire whoever runs the boats after they get here. But convince them to go on holiday first so I don’t have to pay them.
The Noise was still The Noise.
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THEODORE ‘THE’ NOISE
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU’
Origin: Pizza Tower
Pronouns: They/Them
Noise Thoughts: What a handsome devil. Truly, just a great person all around.
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Finally, the boats started to arrive.
With no one on them.
The Noise: …
A worker came by.
Worker: Uh, sir, you forgot to send out any invitations. The only person that’s actually coming is The Doise. Who, er, you killed.
The Noise: So we have no victims. Goddammit.
The Noise sighed in exasperation. However, they then started grinning.
The Noise: Well… looks like we’ll just have to IMPROVIZE.
Worker: Uh, sir, what are you… WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
The entire workforce had been tied to poles which were embedded in circles of a massive ritual sign.
The Noise: I’m going to get my 29 other contestants. And sometimes, in order to get what you want, you have to make some sacrifices! Don’t worry, it’ll only hurt a lot.
A chorus of pleas rang out from the terrified workers.
The Noise: Five, four, I’m skipping to one.
They threw a match onto the symbol and watched it burn. Sure enough, their wish was granted, as a vortex opened up and all the workers were consumed by the fire. A voice rang out from the vortex.
THE VOICE: WHAT HAVE YOU BROUGHT US HERE FOR?
The Noise: I want 29 people, and for The Doise to be reincarnated!
THE VOICE: IT SHALL BE DONE.
Several different universes. Several different people. All were swiped in the middle of what they were doing, even if it was mid conversation.
The Noise: Also, I’d appreciate it if you could bring them one by one so we can properly introduce them.
THE VOICE: IT SHALL BE DONE.
The Noise: By the way, did you do something with your hair? It looks lovely!
THE VOICE: THANKS, MAN, I’M GLAD YOU LIKE IT.
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The Noise stands at the dock, where the first victim is brought.
A floating black thing with a sword and a grey cloak observes its surroundings.
The Noise: Master of possession, servant of Zero, and secretly lonely, meet Dark Matter Blade, or even just Dark Matter!
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DARK MATTER BLADE
“...”
Origin: Kirby’s Dream Land 2
Pronouns: it/they
Noise Thoughts: It's not a social player, it's overly mysterious, and it's pretty damn quiet. They say not to underestimate your opponents, but as much as this thing can fight, they're probably not going to do that well. Sucks to be them lmao.
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Dark Matter instantly swipes at The Noise with its sword.
The Noise: WOAH THERE, PARTNER! We can’t be having violence against the host!
Dark Matter: (completely monotone voice) Why have you brought me here.
The Noise: Now, now, it wouldn’t be fair for you to know what’s going on in advance! Trust me, you’ll get your answer!
Dark Matter starts charging up a dark energy ball to throw at The Noise.
Dark Matter: Why should I trust you.
The Noise: Well, if you kill me, there’s no way for you to get back home!
Dark Matter: …
Dark Matter lowers their sword and stops charging their energy ball.
Dark Matter: Fine. But you will regret this.
The Noise: Actually, I think you’ll be thanking me once you learn what’s going on!
Dark Matter floats to the side.
The Noise: Next comes the man of the upper class, a man who might choke on his lack of principles, none other than Gerald Croft!
A white man, around 30 years old and in a suit, appears, holding a ring.
Gerald Croft: -thing’s alright now, Shei- what on Earth?
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GERALD CROFT
“After all, y’know, we’re respectable citizens and not criminals.”
Origin: An Inspector Calls
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: A rich guy, yes, but not a completely sheltered one. He may share the same hubris and selfishness as his kind, but he's not going down without a fight, that's for sure! Or maybe he is. He's not as powerful as he thinks.
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Gerald: Where- where am I? I was just-
The Noise: Abupbupbupbupbup, you’ll get your answers later! Stand at the side.
Gerald sees Dark Matter and jumps in shock.
Gerald: WHAT IS THIS?! No, alright, think, Gerald. This must just be a dream. That would explain the whole business earlier with that ‘Eva Smith’ and ‘Daisy Renton’, as well. Likely just guilt. Wait, this means that everything was completely fine! Nothing happened at all! And now I just have to wake up!
The Noise then pinches Gerald.
Gerald: OW, WHY WOULD- no. No, I can’t have felt that. It- it must be one of those dreams where I can feel sensations like that! Of course! This, this can’t be real. I cannot have been transported to… wherever this is.
The Noise: That’s the spirit, kid! Now stand at the side.
Gerald: As it’s a dream, I don’t have to
The Noise makes a horrifying face and Gerald wordlessly steps to the side, next to Dark Matter.
Gerald: Well, my good chap, what would you be?
Dark Matter turns its back to Gerald and ignores him completely.
Gerald: Lovely. Well, I don’t have to be concerned with the behaviour of a dream.
The Noise: And next up is a kid who’s so strong that he can probably beat Goku and Gojo with ease! Give it up for Mash Burnedead!
A muscular teen with a bowl cut hairstyle appears.
Mash Burnedead: Who are you?
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MASH BURNEDEAD
“Mmm, cream puffs.”
Origin: Mashle: Magic and Muscles
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: What he makes up for in strength and moral character, he lacks in smarts. He's gullible and airheaded. And brute forcing his way to victory is a bit less plausible here. I don't have high hopes for him.
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The Noise: I’m The Noise, and you’ve been brought here for something which will be revealed! Please stand at the side.
Mash: OK.
He goes over to where Dark Matter and Gerald are without question.
Gerald: What’s with the mark?
Mash: Magic mark.
Gerald: You’re a magic user? Well, now I know for a fact this is a-
Mash: No. This is fake.
Gerald: …but why?
Mash: I had to pretend to be magic.
Gerald: But… what? Ah, never mind, you’ll be gone very soon anyway. See, small yellow man?
The Noise: I’m not a man, I’m The Noise!
Gerald: Sure you are. Sure you are.
The Noise: Next up is someone’s who pretty competent for a small child! Practically the leader of the Fireside Girls, please welcome Isabella Garcia-Shapiro!
A small girl in a pink dress with a bow appears. Somehow, she doesn’t question this.
Isabella Garcia-Shapiro: -and he’s nice and he’s smart and- Oh, cool, another dimension! Why’d you bring me here, though?
The Noise: You’ll find out.
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ISABELLA GARCIA-SHAPIRO
“Whatcha doin’?”
Origin: Phineas and Ferb
Pronouns: She/Her
Noise Thoughts: She's sociable and very physically competent, and though she's no super genius, she can definitely hold her own on those grounds! But then, that can only get you so far in a cast like what I've got. Let's see if she's up for a different challenge to what she's used to!
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Isabella: O…K? Where’s any of my friends? I was just with them, why weren’t they taken too?
The Noise: Look, I can’t spoil what’s going on until everyone’s here. It would be incredibly rude!
Isabella: …OK, but I’ll kick your butt if you try anything funny!
The Noise gives a deranged grin.
The Noise: Now THAT would be entertaining to see.
Isabella, slightly disturbed, goes to the side.
Isabella: Hi, uh…
Gerald: Hello, little dream girl.
Isabella: That’s… really creepy.
Gerald: No, no, I meant a literal dream, not… I’m engaged!
Isabella: Uh huh.
Gerald: Wait, why am I even talking to you? You’re not even real! But a mere figment of my imagination.
Isabella: …OK? As for the others?
Mash: I’m Mash.
Dark Matter says nothing.
Isabella: OK, definitely… interesting.
The Noise: Next comes… ‘lmao’? What does that
Pink from hit game Among Us wakes up in an abandoned island.
Pink: erm what the frick
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PINK
“i saw blue vent in electrical”
Origin: Among Us (2018)
Pronouns: They/Them
Noise Thoughts: Beyond the ability to track people, they really don't have much going for them. Maybe you should have been an imposter and things would've been easier for you!
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Gerald and Isabella look confused at the astronaut.
Isabella: Is that Among Us?
Gerald: Is that a walking bean? I must say, I’m starting to get more and more glad this isn’t real.
Pink: what’s up gays gals and Hideo Kojima
Gerald: Who’s Hideo Kojima?
The Noise: Not someone who’s here! Pink, please go stand to the side while I wish I had an intern left alive to fire.
Isabella: Wait what do you mean ‘left ali-’
The Noise: And next comes a school principal with a secret!
A grumpy man in a toupee with a white shirt and tie appears.
Benjamin Krupp: Blah, blah, blah! Wait a minute, WHERE AM I?! AND WHY AM I IN MY CLOTHES?!
Everyone looks at him except Dark Matter.
Mr Krupp: Normally I’m in just my underwear when these weird things happen, OK?
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BENJAMIN KRUPP
“You’re in trouble now, bub!”
Origin: The Adventures Of Captain Underpants
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: It's going to be quite cathartic to watch a corrupt school principal have to serve as the only sane man. Now, as to whether that gets him far... short temper, sure, and maybe he's joyless and sadistic, but then, you have to be smart to be a principal, right? So who knows? Maybe he has a chance. I doubt it, but maybe! Of course, that alter ego of his complicates things, heh heh heh...
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The Noise: Lovely to meet you, Krupp, as I would say if I was a liar! Now please go over to the side.
Mr Krupp: You can’t tell me what to
The Noise is now holding two bombs in their hands. Mr Krupp makes the decision to run to the side, scared of what might happen if he runs.
Isabella: YOU JUST HAVE THOSE?!
The Noise: You guys never watched NTV?
Gerald: What is a TV, exactly?
The Noise: Now, next up is a religious girl and bread baker! Give it up for Daphne!
A bored looking, dark skinned girl with dark hair appears.
Daphne: (airy tone) ...oh, I've been transported.
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DAPHNE
“Fresh bread…”
Origin: OMORI
Pronouns: She/They (though she doesn’t realize it yet)
Noise Thoughts: Despite her general demeanour, she's actually an attention whore who gets bored easily! Unfortunately, due to her demeanour, this is going to lead to people taking her quirkiness as potentially threatening. People don't like those who are different, after all! The vibe is very important, but if she can get past it, then we have a potential threat on our hands!
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Daphne: What am I seeing here?
The Noise: Blah blah, can’t tell yet, GO TO THE SIDE!
Daphne: Well, this should be interesting, but where is dear BOWEN or even darling MIKHAEL?
The Noise: Look, ma’am.
Daphne: I’m not quite-
The Noise: Do you all think I would bring you here if I wasn’t going to tell you why at some point?
Daphne: Fair enough.
Daphne walks to the side.
Isabella: Hello!
Daphne: I hope we can get along, whatever is happening. It would be… most excellent… to have more friends…
Isabella looks slightly creeped out but moves past it. Gerald does not.
Gerald: To think that a mere teenage girl would be the… well, nowhere near the strangest thing here. The human mind really is capable of wondrous things, is it not?
Daphne: Yes, indeed.
Dark Matter slightly tilts its head(?) upon hearing the word ‘human’, but does not comment.
The Noise: Well, next up is someone who is, indeed, a dream! But she’s not gonna let that stop her. Give it up for-
???: I can introduce myself, thank you!
A throne is carried in by various sprout moles, who soon all disperse upon placing this throne down. The pink haired woman in the throne spins around, jumps off, and strikes a cute pose.
SWEETHEART: What is life if you can’t find a SWEETHEART?
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SWEETHEART
“OHOHOHOHOHO!”
Origin: OMORI
Pronouns: She/It/They
Noise Thoughts: A narcissist and a sadist who's clearly only out for herself? I can smell the plot armour from here! She may be antagonistic, but in this type of environment, that's probably going to help her get far! She's ruthless and at least somewhat intelligent, but that ego is gonna rrub some people the wrong way. That being said, I have a feeling she'll pull through just fine!
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Daphne: SWEETHEART? Like the show?
SWEETHEART: Not just that, SWEETHEART like the me! Here to gaze upon all my stupid adoring fans yet again!
Pink: who dis lol
SWEETHEART looks at Pink with rage.
The Noise: And already there’s two enemies! Now, let’s see if we can increase that with individual number 9! And that number is very fitting, believe you me.
Gerald: Well, it’s doubtful that we’re going to see anything too strange and disturbing in
A red skull rushes into the dock.
Specimen 9: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
Gerald: WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE GOOD LORD IS THAT THING?!
The Noise: Everyone, meet Specimen 9, or simply Taker! Don’t stay still for too long around this guy!
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SPECIMEN 9/TAKER
“I’m taking all these logs they’re throwing out… and I’m nailing them together.”
Origin: Spooky’s Jump Scare Mansion
Pronouns: It/Its
Noise Thoughts: The only 'dead' thing here is your chance at success.
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The Taker moves to the side, where everyone but Dark Matter and Daphne take a step back.
Daphne instead looks at Taker with a slight twinkle in her eye.
Daphne: How fascinating…
Everyone moves even further back.
Gerald: I no longer like this dream, can I wake up?
Daphne: I’m not a dream…
Isabella: Heads up, you said that in possibly the single creepiest tone you could have.
Mr Krupp: This day is just getting more and more confusing. Why did you bring us h-
The Noise fires a machine gun at Krupp’s feet.
The Noise: Sorry, what was that? Couldn’t hear you over the sound of the bullets that hit people who don’t shut the fuck up and WAIT.
Mr Krupp gulps.
Mr Krupp: Point taken.
Isabella: (now sweating) Are-are you going to kill us? I’m, I’m going to die, I’m going to die and
The Noise: No, I’m not killing you yet.
Isabella breathes a sigh of relief. And then instantly tenses up.
Isabella: What do you mean ‘yet’-
The Noise: NUMBER 10! THE DRUMMER WITH DORITO HAIR!
A yellow haired girl appears.
Nijika Ijichi: …what did you do this time, Ryo?
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NIJIKA IJICHI
“Surviving isn’t living.”
Origin: BOCCHI THE ROCK!
Pronouns: She/Her
Noise Thoughts: The jika.
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Nijika: Wait, no, she’s not smart enough to do this! Where am I?!
Nijika frantically looks around.
Gerald: That’s better.
Isabella: Um, I think maybe you should…
SWEETHEART: You should stop talking, peasant.
Gerald: Now listen here-
The Noise: Heyo, drummer girl! Look at me!
Nijika looks at The Noise, as fear turns to confusion.
Nijika: Who… are you?
The Noise: Go to the side.
Nijika edges to the side, next to Daphne.
Daphne: You are… an extrovert.
Nijika: Huh. Didn’t think I was as clearly extroverted as Kita, but… never mind, do any of you guys know what’s going on here?
Isabella: Nope!
Nijika: Wait, aren’t you from that one cartoon?
Isabella: That one huh?
Gerald: ‘Cartoon’? I have to say, I wasn’t expecting to invent so many new words in my sleep.
Nijika: This isn’t-
Daphne: Let him be. He’ll learn… soon…
Gerald: I cannot decide whether she or the skull is more concerning.
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
The Noise: Welp, next comes one who needs no introduction.
A pig with glasses appears.
Pink: fucking daddy pig?
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DADDY PIG
“Your girlfriend also calls me Daddy.”
Origin: Peppa Pig
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: He might just be looked past and prove to be a sleeper hit, or maybe he'll die practically immediately! What lies in future for an average father with some questionable ideas about life? Will he alienate everyone around him, or will he be able to move past his faults and beat them all?
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Daddy Pig: Oh, dear, I’ve been transported somewhere!
Gerald: …this makes no sense on any level. Maybe I should see if my head is feeling alright when I wake up. From that interrogation to this, it’s… quite odd. But then, entering one of those madhouses sounds like a dreadful experience.
Nijika: I am so lost.
The Noise: You’ll stop being lost soon.
Daddy Pig: Who are all of you WHAT IS THAT THING?!
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
The Noise: You should go to the side quick, the one after this next one is a fun one! But first, we have to get through the actual best one!
Gerald: I wonder what this midget would consider the ‘best’ out of everyone here if not me?
A poop with limbs appears.
Gerald: …maybe I do need to enter a madhouse after all.
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POOP EMOJI
“We’re number two!”
Origin: The Emoji Movie
Pronouns: It/He
Noise Thoughts: He may be 'Number Two', but this guy has the potential to win! He's clever, he's not an overt threat, and so there's a pretty good chance of his survival. If it can avoid the 'gross' factor, this guy could be a charmer and could easily go far!
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Poop Emoji: What foul business have I walked into?
Pink: FUCKING EMOJI MOVIE?!
The Noise: No, just Patrick Stewart! Now go over to the side and I WILL EXPLAIN WHEN EVERYONE IS HERE!
Nijika: But how will we know when ‘everyone is here’?
The Noise: Because then I’ll start explaining? Kinda obvious, get your head in the game already, Ijichi! Man, I didn’t know ‘dumb blonde’ was an actual thing.
Nijika: I mean, I wouldn’t say I’m the smartest, but ‘dumb’ feels like an overstatement, y’know?
The Noise: No. I don’t. Now let’s introduce the next one, who may not be the best but is my personal favourite!
Isabella: How does that even work?
???: BEATS ME!
Isabella jumps and turns around to face a jester in purple and black.
Isabella: Who are
Jevil: OH, SO MANY PEOPLE! WHAT FUN, WHAT FUN!
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JEVIL
“I CAN DO ANYTHING!”
Origin: desolateroad
Pronouns: Xey/Xem
Noise Thoughts: Sure, xey're chaotically insane and insanely chaotic, but don't count this jester out quite yet! Xey're smarter than xey look, and while xey're mostly a chaos agent, xey're also a very good liar! Xey might alienate a few teammates, but hey, I've seen weirder victories.
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The Noise: Yep, this is Jevil! I love this little jester, xey’re awesome!
Jevil: THANK YOU, THANK YOU! NEVER FEAR, I’LL KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED FOR SURE.
Poop: Am I really number two to this thing?
Mr Krupp: Is everything you say just going to be a joke about faeces? What are you, an elementary schooler?
Poop: I’m an emoji, of course.
Mr Krupp: Well, at least it can’t get stupider.
The Noise: Number 14!
A gingerbread man with a ninja headband falls face flat on the floor before getting up.
Ninjabread Man: I am…
He sees people and instantly goes behind a bush.
Ninjabread: YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME COMING!
Mr Krupp: …I stand corrected.
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NINJABREAD MAN
“You call it reusing assets, I call it recycling. So NOW who’s the ‘exploitative’ product? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, STILL ME?!”
Origin: Anubis II
Pronouns: He/It
Noise Thoughts: Paranoid, incompetent, stupid, and overconfident. Maybe he'll get lucky and be looked over as easy fodder or be adopted into an alliance, because I don't see it getting by on its own merits!
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Daphne: This is getting…
Nijika: Yeah, it’s definitely getting…
Nijika/Daphne: Weirder/More fascinating.
They both look at each other.
Nijika: Ehehe, yeah, that’s also a way of looking at it.
Daphne: At least I won’t get… bored, here.
Isabella: Yeesh.
Gerald: Well, I’ve had quite enough of this dream and would like to wake up already.
Jevil: WHAT DREAM? IF IT WERE A DREAM, YOU WOULD BE FREE, FREE! BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, SEE, YOU ARE TRAPPED IN YOUR BODY! HOW SAD! BOO HOO HOO, UEE HEE HEE.
Gerald: I am not going to take that from an odd floating jester thing.
Jevil: BUT HOW CAN YOU NOT TAKE IT WHEN YOU HAVE ALREADY TAKEN IT? NOW, LET US FLY, FLY!
Gerald starts floating.
Gerald: Woah, WOAH, I DO NOT LIKE THIS! EVEN IN A DREAM, I DO NOT LIKE THIS!
Gerald only floats further up.
Isabella: …are you going to do anything about that?
The Noise: He’ll be fine!
Gerald keeps on floating while screaming.
Gerald: LET ME WAKE UP, LET ME WAKE UP!
Nijika: I really don’t think he’s
The Noise: Next up is someone who’s only been in the silly stuff despite being one of the most serious people here! Iiiiiiiiiiit’sssssssss Laaaaaaceeeeeeeyyyyyy!
A blue haired girl appears, clinging to her knees, before seeing people around her and changing position immediately.
Lacey: hi! i’m Lacey! wait, where… am i? wait, where is this? wait, who am i?
Mash: Lacey.
Lacey: oh, cool, thanks!
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LACEY YANI
“But this pain hurts… so comfortably…”
Origin: Laceygames (web series by ghosttundra though a game collection is being developed)
Pronouns: They/She/It
Noise Thoughts: Airheaded enough to be easily manipulated, but unstable enough that it might just turn out badly for the manipulator! Lacey's an introvert who pretends to be extroverted and friendly. And she's also in need of help. Like, really, she needs therapy more than they need a win.
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Dark Matter takes note.
Daddy Pig: Well, you don’t look very happy right now.
Lacey: …uh, i’m sorry for, not, being, happy?
Nijika: You don’t need to apologize for that!
Lacey: yeah, i was really confused. i didn’t even claim to be happy or anything. also, why the fuck is daddy pig here? why the fuck is AMONG US here? and ohmygod JEVIL?! I LOVE DELTARUNE!
Jevil: RECOGNITION! HOW FUN, HOW FUN!
Daphne: You seem fun.
Mr Krupp: I’m surrounded by weirdos! There’s only two others who seem normal, and one’s a pig!
Nijika: Who was the other guy?
Mr Krupp: The guy who was flung into the sky.
Isabella: Did we ever get his name?
Mr Krupp: Keeping your name a secret is generally the smart thing to do! Which is why you don’t know-
Pink: benjamin krupp
Mr Krupp: …oh, yeah, the small yellow being was saying the names as people came in, weren’t they? Blast.
Pink: you’re the kind of person to say ‘why i oughta’ aren’t you
Mr Krupp: Why, I oughta… OH, COME ON!
Lacey: i don’t know what any of this is so i’m just gonna go to this side and hope for the best.
Lacey goes to the side.
The Noise: Now, next up is a girl who lives in a haunted mansion, known for her spellcraft and being a massive tsundere! Give it up for Ashley!
Lacey: give what up?
The Noise: Your money.
Lacey: i only have 4 cents lmao
Mr Krupp: That’s… not a good thing.
Whatever was going to be said next, however, is interrupted by a puff of purplish-grey smoke as a small black haired child with twintails and a red dress appears, looking extremely bored.
Ashley: …can i go now?
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ASHLEY
“who has time for girly things like that?”
Origin: Warioware
Pronouns: She/They
Noise Thoughts: Powerful enough to carry in challenges, but is that going to help when she's so antisocial? She could really go either way!
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Isabella: Is this girl younger than me or as young as me? I genuinely can’t tell. Anyway, hi, Ashley!
Ashley: don’t talk to me.
Ashley walks away completely.
The Noise: Three, two…
Ashley runs back to the group while trying to avoid gunfire.
The Noise: Please wait until I’ve explained what’s going on, which means waiting for everyone to come!
Mr Krupp: You CAN’T JUST try to SHOOT CHILDREN! I’d have done that YEARS AGO if you could!
The Noise: Who’s gonna stop me, Benny boy?
Mr Krupp: Why, you little-
Pink: you’re pulling out all the white guy phrases here
Ashley wordlessly moves to the side.
Poop: Well, this is shaping up to be quite the shitshow, am I right, fellows?
Mash is too busy pumping iron.
Nijika: Since when did he… have that dumbell?
The Noise: Probably not since 1984! But if you want someone who might be from 1984, then look no further than O’Brien!
An unremarkable man with grey hair appears.
O’Brien: …huh.
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O’BRIEN
“They got me a long time ago.”
Origin: 1984
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: He's not the biggest powerhouse, sure, but he doesn't need to be. He doesn't need the intricate plans, because he specializes in how people think. He's adaptive, he's intelligent, he's ruthless, and he probably already knows what you're thinking. Oh, this guy's going to be a fun one!
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O’Brien: What is… all of this?
Lacey: we have no clue.
Mr Krupp: You look like you know what’s what, am i right?
O’Brien: Who are you?
Mr Krupp: Please, call me Benjamin.
O’Brien: I shall do. It is nice to meet you, Benjamin.
Daphne: You are suspicious.
O’Brien: I only just got here, how can I be suspicious?
The Noise: Whatever, get to the-
O’Brien is already at the side.
The Noise: OK, great, now comes someone much more loud, much more violent, much more racist, and much more everything! It’s time to bring the POWER!
A teenage(?) girl with horns, a blue jacket, and a shirt appears.
Blood Fiend: PROSTRATE YOURSELF BEFORE ME, HUMANS! You stand in the presence of POWEEEEERRRR!!
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POWER/BLOOD FIEND
“WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA GO TO A THERAPIST FOR? SO I CAN PAY MONEY FOR SOME BITCH TO TELL ME I’M GAY?!”
Origin: Chainsaw Man
Pronouns: She/It/They
Noise Thoughts: She's violent. Not completely braindead like you might think, but she's so violent, impulsive, and racist against humans, that it might not matter! A shame. I hope she goes far, but... I don't see it happening. Sorry!
-----
Mr Krupp: OW, MY HEAD! Why do you have to be so loud?! Darned kids these days…
Lacey: i second what the among us said earlier
Pink: amogus
Jevil: ALREADY, TROUBLE IS BREWING! HOW ENTERTAINING! MORE, MORE!
Nijika: So that’s gonna be
The Noise: Hey, pronouns! Xey go by xey/xem specifically.
Nijika: …so xey’re gonna be like that the whole time?
Jevil: OF COURSE, OF COURSE! I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN. DON’T YOU WANT TO HAVE FUN?
Nijika: I mean, yeah! But right now, there’s bigger things to deal with.
Power: Yeah, like the fact that you should DRAW THY WEAPON AND PREPARE TO GET YOUR ASS SLAUGHTERED!
Power forms a blood hammer.
Power: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-
She then completely freezes.
The Noise: And I see our next victim is already here. Joy.
A frog head with a floating pointing hand slides in while everyone looks really confused.
Daphne: You must be… a demon. What are you?
Scripulous Fingore: I Am Scripulous Fingore And I Am Here
-----
SCRIPULOUS FINGORE
“You cannot ignore me forever, Mario.”
Origin: Super Mario World?
Pronouns: It/They
Noise Thoughts: Weirdo! Not much is known about this thing, honestly, but I doubt another needlessly cryptic, strange, and annoying being is going to do that well. Then again, they seem to have some tricks up their non existent sleeve that they're not revealing. Who knows?
-----
It is this moment when Gerald falls down. He is caught by Mr Krupp.
Mr Krupp: WOAH, WOAH, WOAH! Can everyone please calm down?! I should never be one of the more reasonable options!
Gerald: Thanks, chap, but if I had hit the ground, I’m sure I would have woken up.
Isabella: You really still think this is a dream?
Gerald: Of course, it simply must be! These kinds of events, these unsightly creatures like that floating head and floating skull, they simply cannot be real! And that person, she has horns!
Lacey: yeah, i’m gonna say one thing. even lucid dreams are honestly dumber than this. you shifted perspective randomly yet?
Gerald: No? Why would I
Lacey: a common part of dreams is that you just kinda shift around. you’ll be there one minute then zoom then zoom again and it’s a whole thing. dreams don’t make sense. this makes too much sense.
Gerald: But it
The Noise: Now, next up, we have a fascist soldier!
A Stormtrooper appears.
DN-58: -IGHT THERE, REBEL SCU- where… where am I? WHERE IN THE GALAXY IS THIS?!
-----
STROMTROOPER/DN-58
“For the Empire.”
Origin: Star Wars: A New Hope
Pronouns: They/Them
Noise Thoughts: When all you know is obedience, how can you ever think for yourself? Their best hope is that someone tells them what to do. They're hopeless without it!
-----
Lacey: a fascist? do we get to kill people, cause i wanna kill this guy.
DN-58: I would like to see you try! I have the gun here, after all!
Lacey: …yeah, so, you’re not really… good, with it.
The Taker rams into DN-58.
DN-58: OW, YOU, YOU WOOKIE BRAINED MANIAC! WHY DID YOU
The Noise: Not explaining yet. Get to the side.
DN-58: You can’t tell me what to
The Noise opens their mouth extremely wide, to a degree where even DN-58 is scared and they go to the side.
Daddy Pig: How many people are left, then? I need to get home to Peppa.
SWEETHEART: As if any self respecting kidnapper would just let people go free! Are you stupid? You seem stupid.
Daddy Pig: I’m not stupid, I have an IQ score of 32 at least!
SWEETHEART: …so, you’re stupid.
Jevil: THE DRAMA, THE FIGHTING! IT FILLS ME WITH JOY.
The Noise: Next up is another Ben!
Mr Krupp: What do you mean, another Ben?
A dog appears.
Talking Ben: -and then I said, WHERE AM I?! HELLO?!
-----
TALKING BEN
“Hohoho!”
Origin: Talking Tom and Friends
Pronouns: He/It
Noise Thoughts: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
-----
Daphne: …a big dog?
Lacey: oh. god. a dog. uh, yeah, a… a big dog, like… i need to go.
The Noise: NO LEAVING!
Lacey: right, right, the… yeah. the dog. yeah.
Ben: Is there a problem? Because if there’s a problem, please let me know so we can move past it. I don’t like having problems with people, you know?
Lacey: uh, no, there’s no, it’s not, you’re not the, are you sure i can’t leave?
The Noise: STOP ASKING QUESTIONS ALREADY!
Lacey: ok, ok, sorry, just…
Daphne: If you need to talk about it…
Lacey perks up at a hot girl talking to her.
Daphne: …then the Lord will listen to you.
She deflates upon realizing said hot girl is not offering to help them.
Lacey: thanks for the support, i guess.
Ben: OK, I see the problem. Lot of humans here, and I’m not a human. That’s fair, that’s fair. Anyway, I’m Ben. Nice to meet all of you!
Fingore: you are not like the internet said you are
Ben: What?
The Noise: Next comes a girl who everyone just can’t stop liking. It’s Kokomi Teruhashi!
Isabella: Why have you only said some last na-
A blue haired beautiful girl with a yellow aura appears.
Kokomi Teruhashi: -course I’ll help you find your missing- huh?
Lacey: oh wow
Isabella: Oh wow.
Fingore: oh wow
Lacey: no, it’s creepy when you do it.
Fingore: oh whoops
-----
KOKOMI TERUHASHI
“Life is in very easy mode.”
Origin: The Disastrous Life of Saiki K
Pronouns: She/Her
Noise Thoughts: Oh, wow! It's a girl who gets the privilege of being hot. Kinda weird how people treat her, including grown ass men, but in this environment, it'll serve her well! That and her insane luck. She's really got the best combination. Then again, things can change in an instant.
-----
Teruhashi: So, what is this place?
Ben: Why are you yellow?
Teruhashi: I am? (No one’s commented on my aura before…)
Fingore: HEY WHY DO WE GET TO SEE HER THOUGHTS BUT NOT MINE
(because the thoughts are an integral part of her character, whereas you are a bitch)
Fingore: um, rude, much
Pink: bro who are you talking to :SkullEmoji: :SkullEmoji:
Mr Krupp: I already hate this weird bean thing.
Fingore: it’s ok, i hate them too
Pink: come at me bro i’m tracker
Fingore: Which works so well here, of course.
Teruhashi: What even is this
The Noise: yada yada WAIT. UNTIL. WE. HAVE. EVERYONE. Caphice?
Teruhashi: Sure! Sorry for making you mad.
Teruhashi pouts slightly, but The Noise has already turned around.
Teruhashi: (Wh-that fast?)
The Noise: Next up is someone who might be the only good CEO other than me!
Nijika: What are you even CEO of?
The Noise: Say hello to Haru Okumura!
Both a fluffy haired girl and a boy in a sweater vest appear.
The Noise: And also say hello to Goro Akechi!
Haru Okumura: Huh?
Goro Akechi: This… was not expected.
-----
HARU OKUMURA
“Sorry about that - we just despise the police.”
Origin: Persona 5
Pronouns: She/Her
Noise Thoughts: She's good natured, friendly, and secretly sadistic, along with having the biggest moral character I've seen any CEO have! Let's see if it helps her.
-----
GORO AKECHI
“I’m going to be entirely honest with you. I hate you.”
Origin: Persona 5
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: As long as his... other job doesn't get revealed, he's smart, charming, and determined enough to make it through! You'd need to sabotage his whole image to stand a chance against him.
-----
Haru: Akechi-kun? You’re… I thought you-
Akechi: Died? Yes, evidently that was not quite as permanent as you undoubtedly hoped.
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
Akechi looks at the Taker.
Akechi: So this is the Metaverse, then. LOKI!
Nothing happens.
Akechi: What? Why can’t I…
Haru: I thought you evolved your Persona or something?
Akechi: I was a bit busy being fucking DEAD.
Haru: Do you… not remember anything with Maruki?
Akechi: Who the hell is- never mind.
Gerald: For someone dressed so smartly, you are quite vulgar.
Daphne: Persona? Metaverse?
Akechi: Irrelevant. Now, who brought us here?
The Noise: That was me!
Akechi: I see.
Akechi points a gun at The Noise.
Akechi: Well, feel free to let us go at any time. Unless you want me to ‘let go’ of the safety and fire a few bullets into… your…
The Noise is already aiming a minigun at Akechi, a shit eating grin plastered on their face.
The Noise: Pardon?
Akechi thinks better of what he was about to say and puts the gun away.
Nijika: WHY DOES HE HAVE A GUN?!
Akechi: Why don’t you have a gun?
Haru: I thought you would-
Akechi: Please understand, Okumura-san, I’m not going to keep playing a role I so utterly despise when there’s no more reason to.
Lacey: i like this guy, he seems as well adjusted as me!
Jevil: YOU’RE FUN, FUN!
The Noise: Well, if you like him, you’ll love this next guy! He’s an absolute riot. It’s POSTAL DUDE!
A greasy man with a receding hairline, sunglasses, a grey skull T-shirt, and a brown leather jacket, appears while holding a map.
Postal Dude: Ah, there it is!
He looks up.
Postal Dude: Well, that's gonna interfere with my errands.
-----
POSTAL DUDE
“I feel like shit.”
Origin: POSTAL
Pronouns: He/They
Noise Thoughts: He's a psychopathic, murderous, apathetic, and all around hateable guy. So basically, your average Arizonan citizen.
-----
Gerald: I wonder what manner of man this is? Other than, of course, fake.
Dude: Am I seriously hallucinating another guy who thinks he’s hallucinating? That’s almost as weird as the big ass dog.
Ben: I’m not weird! I’m a good humoured guy with a love for science.
Isabella: I thought Power would have shouted by now, what’s up with her?
Daphne: Still frozen.
Isabella: Ohhhhh. Thank you!
Akechi: Can we get an explanation as to what this is?
Haru: I would like to know why you’ve put me with him.
Akechi: Ah, still bitter.
Haru: Yes, I wonder why I might still be bitter about you killing my father.
Everyone looks at Akechi.
Nijika: You’re a murderer?
Gerald: You truly are vile! Hmm, maybe this dream is representative of people like Alderman Meggarty? The people who decide they get to act in such an irresponsible way despite their class? Or maybe it’s guilt over my part with Daisy Renton. No, no, that can’t be it! Curse that Inspector who likely didn’t even exist in the first place in any sense. He’s gotten into my head. I must stop him from doing so.
Dude: Didn’t realize you had it in you. Nice job!
The Postal Dude gives a thumbs up.
Isabella: Y-y-you can’t just
Akechi: Please save your stammering for another day. Yes, I’ve killed people. No, I do not regret it. In fact, my big regret is that I didn’t get to the people who really deserved it.
Haru: I swear I’m not affiliated with him.
SWEETHEART: Ohohoho, I really like this guy!
Daddy Pig: How despicable! You’re clearly not a good person, are you?
Akechi: Again. Save it for someone who cares.
The Noise: Well, here’s another person who doesn’t! The ultimate failen angel, it’s Gabriel White Tenma!
Nijika: What do you mean, fai-
A very untidy and bored looking blond girl appears.
Gabriel White Tenma: …are you kidding me?
-----
GABRIEL WHITE TENMA
“yeah we gayming tonight girls”
Origin: Gabriel Dropout
Pronouns: Doesn’t care
Noise Thoughts: Lazy, sociopathic, and hopelessly addicted to MMOs! The question isn't whether or not she can shape up, but instead, it's whether she's even willing to!
-----
Gabriel: You interrupted my MMO.
The Noise: Oh. whoops! My bad! NOW GET TO THE SIDE OR I’LL DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT!
She instantly moves to the side, trembling.
The Noise: I don’t see why people struggle with having NEETs for friends, it’s really easy to get them to do stuff!
Power unfreezes through pure will.
Power: AN ANGEL?! HELL NO, BOW TO ME, ANGEL! YOU STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF POWER!
Fingore: Wait, how did you-
Gabriel: Who are you?
Power: I am Power, the Blood Devil, and I will
Gabriel: Cool.
Power: Yes, I am indeed what you mortals refer to as ‘cool’, in EVERY sense of the word!
Dude: Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, can we get on with whatever this is already? I was in the middle of getting milk.
Mr Krupp: I would also like to move on! I am getting REAL tired of whatever this is already.
The Noise: You want the next person?
Mr Krupp: Ideally, I want no people.
Isabella: Yeah, we’d like the last people, please!
The Noise: So you wanna see the next one, huh?
Daphne: That is what we are saying.
The Noise: Here you go!
A skeleton with a giant axe appears.
Lacey: …what the fuck am i looking at.
Elliot the Skeleton: You’re looking at GREATNESS, because you’re looking at ELLIOT THE MOTHERFUCKING SKELETON!
-----
ELLIOT THE SKELETON
“I’M GONNA KILL YOU”
Origin: My brain
Pronouns: It/Its
Noise Thoughts: It's an evil skeleton who hits people with an axe. You really think they're gonna see it as a threat? No, it's probably going to go far purely because other, more important threats, exist.
-----
Lacey: so you’re just a skeleton?
Elliot: I’m a KILLER skeleton with an AXE! Do YOU have an AXE?!
Lacey: no, just a knife.
Nijika: Why do you ha-
Elliot: Then SHUT UP, you AXELESS HOE!
Akechi: Great. One of those people.
Poop: The quality of this experience is certainly going down the drain.
Mr Krupp: Please can you at least get rid of that weird poop thing? And the skull?
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
Akechi: How many people are left until we can get on with whatever this is?
The Noise: Well, here’s one of them!
A person wearing red and blue spandex appears.
Isabella: SPIDER MAN?!
-----
SPIDER M
-----
The spandex falls off.
Peter Griffin: This is just like that time I was on Noise TV!
Lacey: PETER GRIFFIN?!
-----
PETER GRIFFIN
“Be careful, Lois, because if I’m a child, then that makes you a pedophile, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna stay in the same house as a pervert!”
Origin: Family Guy
Pronouns: He/Him
Noise Thoughts: He's not as obvious about it as Bugs Bunny, but he's very much a gag character! If he can use cartoon logic to his advantage, while also winning as just a funny guy, then maybe he can withstand his alcoholism, his general stupidity, his lack of actual competence, his dimness, his sociopathy, his more annoying tendencies, his unfunniness, his general
-----
Peter Griffin: Wait a second, this isn’t the Halloween costume party! It’s July! I’ve been duped on several accounts. Wait, is that a living poop?
Poop: I’m the Poop Emoji.
Peter Griffin: That’s freaking awesome, man!
Akechi: You have strange standards for what counts as ‘awesome’, I have to say.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, people have always called me weird. Like that time I went to Target wearing a Walmart T-shirt!
Cutaway to Peter in Target wearing no pants as various people look at him funny.
Peter Griffin: What? They’re both shops.
Cut back to present.
Peter Griffin: Aw, sweet, I can cutaway as well!
Lacey: oh my god, i could see that too.
Akechi: This is just like that time I killed Masayoshi Shido painfully.
Nothing happens.
Akechi: Why do YOU get all the fun.
Peter Griffin: I dunno, dude.
Isabella: I am so disappointed that it wasn’t Spider Man.
Peter Griffin: Yeesh, sorry, didn’t mean to upset ya.
Dude: This is the strangest fucking trip I’ve had since last June.
There is a cutaway. You don’t want to know what was in it.
Cut back.
Everyone looks traumatised.
Isabella: Th-th-th-the-th-the-the-the
Dude: Huh. Didn’t realize that would work.
The Noise: Oh, hey, next up is someone who is a dream!
Daphne: Didn’t you say SWEETHEART was?
The Noise; Very perceptive! And only these two are from dreams.
Mr Krupp: Hear that, buddy?
Gerald: Of course a weird lucid dream would tell me it’s real.
Mr Krupp: Whatever you say.
A pale and thin person with long black hair appears.
Masada sensei: …
-----
MASADA SENSEI
“this is the silent character btw”
Origin: Yume Nikki
Pronouns: He/They/It
Noise Thoughts: Silent but maybe deadly? it's hard to tell. He may do well, he may not. I don't know if they can do much without talking, but again, stranger things have happened. Literally, Stranger Things happened, and you're telling me ol' Seccom here can't pull through for at least a few challenges?
-----
Masada sensei looks at The Noise.
The Noise: Don’t worry, explanations are coming soon! Just wait at the side!
Masada sensei nods and moves to the side.
Daphne: You look… nice.
Nijika: I cannot tell whether you were being sarcastic or not there.
Daphne: I would never… be sardonic.
Nijika: Huh.
Peter Griffin: This reminds me of the
Isabella: No more. Please.
The Noise: One more! As in, one more person, and then everything’s ready! And this one? I actually know this person in real life! They absolutely hate me, and you know what? I hate them! So, come on out, you rat bastard, and prove to me you’re worth your salt after all!
Someone rushes past.
???: Oh, please, everyone knows the sequel’s always better than the original.
It is a blue version of The Noise with dark skin.
-----
THOR ‘THE’ DOISE
“Let’s get ready to bring the Doise! Wait, that doesn’t work…”
Origin: Pizza Tower
Pronouns: They/Them
Noise Thoughts: I hope you die first.
-----
The Doise: You know how much I’ve been looking forward to FINALLY kicking your ass?
The Noise: Yeah, how’d that go for you last time?
The Doise: Pretty well until that pink thing-
The Doise shudders while everyone looks at them.
The Doise: What? I’m The Doise. Nothing more to it. And I’m the last person, right?
The Noise: Yes, yes you are.
Isabella: Glad to see that’s universal.
Dark Matter turns its head to the left slightly to look at The Noise.
Dark Matter: Explain.
Gerald: So you have been able to talk!
Dark Matter ignores Gerald.
Gerald: Quite rude, I must say.
The Noise: Well, I’m going to explain why all 30 of you are here!
The Doise: For Survivor!
The Noise strangles The Doise.
The Noise: YOU MOTHERFUCKER, HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY THUNDER!
The Doise: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW I’M SORRRRRYYYYY
The Noise lets go of The Doise, who’s face is now purple.
Nijika: WHAT WAS THAT?!
The Noise: You guys want an explanation, right? So here you go!
A banner is unfurled from the sky saying ‘NOISE TV PRESENTS SURVIVOR!!!!’
Daddy Pig: Was that always there?
The Noise: You guys have been specifically chosen to compete in my little show! You’ll be split into two teams and do challenges to win immunity, with at least one person being voted out each time! You guys will be doing the voting out, of course. You’ll fight for survival, for glory, and for the super secret prize at the end! Thrills! Love! Betrayal! Chaos! Glorious bloodshed! All of you suckers are going to get to brutally crush someone’s dreams for the sake of winning, and there will be tears! Glorious Oscar worthy entertainment! Ahaha, AHAHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
Everyone looks at The Noise with concern.
Peter Griffin: This is like the time I was in CDCAT.
Cut to CDCAT.
Peter Griffin: The author never actually read this, so, uh, don’t know what to put here. Uh, Volo sucks.
Ramune: Gun.
Lugia: angst brfierbfierbf
Harrison Ford: I, too, am in this episode.
Peter Griffin: OK guys the bit’s over you can stop
Cut back to NTV Presents.
Dude: Damn, that reminded me of the
Nijika: NO. NOT YOU, PLEASE.
Dude: Everyone’s a critic.
The Noise: Look, the important thing is that you all understand what’s going on, right?
Everyone gives a ‘yes’ of various enthusiasm.
The Noise: Great! Now, ARE YOU READY FOR THE FIRST CHALLENGE?!
Mr Krupp: Actually, I don’t want to participate in the
The Noise: EXCELLENT!
Mr Krupp: Hey, you didn’t let me
The Noise: So first, we need teams, right?
Isabella: Oooh, are we organizing teams?
The Noise: I have a better idea! We’re going to get two people to choose the teams!
Isabella: Oh, cool! Which two people?
The Noise slams down a turret.
The Noise: Whoever’s left standing.
Nijika: OH MY GAH-
The Noise starts firing, with Isabella, Nijika, Daddy Pig, and Gerald instantly dying.
The Noise: Oh, and who do we have here?
The Noise aims their gun at The Doise.
The Noise: Say goodbye, suckaaaaahhh!!
The Noise starts firing at The Doise, who turns to the camera and gives a cheeky wink.
The Doise: They could at least have taken me out to dinner first.
The Doise is then riddled with bullets and dies.
The Noise: Oh, this is fun! And now everyone’s gone around the island! Oh, this is already getting interesting!
Peter Griffin: This is just like that time me and the Poop Emoji were the only ones left standing right now!
Everyone else is immediately killed off.
The Noise: DAMMIT, YOU RUINED MY FUN! For that, you’re going second, at the very least.
The Noise snaps their fingers and everyone is back to life.
Daphne: That was death?
Isabella: I just- I- I…
Daddy Pig: Oh my goodness…
Daphne: That felt… nice.
Dude: Why the hell was God just a stoner?
Daphne: You saw God?
Dude: Nah, I just wanna fuck with people.
Akechi: Ha, your first time dying. How did that feel for all of you?
The Noise: OK, LET’S START CHOOSING! Poop, you first!
Poop: I believe that the strong man would be a good choice here.
Mash: OK.
Peter Griffin: Oh, my turn! Uh, funky jester dude! Gender neutral dude, before you say anything.
Jevil: WHAT FUN, WHAT FUN! I WILL NOT DISAPPOINT, OH NO, I WILL NOT.
Poop: The girl with the aura seems useful.
Teruhashi: Thank you! (He doesn’t realize just how powerful I can be in a contestant vote. In fact…) Why not let me choose from now on?
She rests her chin on her hands and winks.
Poop: Of course!
Teruhashi: (Easy.)
Peter Griffin: That blue haired girl with the knife!
Lacey: oh damn
Teruhashi: (Who is a good choice? I need people who will like me but also some fodder. So…. start with the obvious.) The blond haired girl! Sorry, I didn’t get many people’s names.
Nijika: I’m Nijika Ijichi, but you can call me Nijika! I don’t really care about that whole ‘last name’ thing Japan has, and also, the fact some people only go by first names.
Teruhashi: Thanks, Nijika!
Peter Griffin: This reminds me of the time I was
Lacey: we pick akechi
Akechi: Ah. I will not disappoint, I assure you.
Teruhashi: (Hmmmm… why not?) Gabriel!
Gabriel: I would really rather not be here.
The Noise: Too bad, so sad.
Akechi: I think we should pick Okumura.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, we pick the other Persona rep.
Haru: Akechi, why did you- never mind. I’ll be happy to help!
Teruhashi: (That’s a bad loss, but we have other options.) The creepy girl!
Daphne: Do you mean me? Because I will help you… to the best of my ability.
Peter Griffin: Damn, this is making me feel like the Stormtrooper.
DN-58: I will serve you for as long as I must.
Fingore: I will also join
Jevil: YOU’RE A FAKE, FAKE! YOU ARE NOT THE ONE WHO WALKS ON STARS, BUT A LIAR, LIAR!
Fingore: nobody caaaaareeeesss, nobody caaaaareeeessss
Teruhashi: Do I get two?
The Noise: Yeah, sure, why not?
Teruhashi: The guy in the suit and the devil.
Gerald: That death… it felt all too… but no, this has to be a dream, or a nightmare, it, this just, I can’t have, what else was, I refuse to, IT’S NOT REAL!
The Noise: Then there’ll be no danger in you still participating.
Gerald: …fine, if I can’t wake up, then I’ll play along. I, I just don’t, I won’t die again. No, I didn’t die in the first place. Why didn’t I wake up then? Why didn’t… it must just be that ‘perspective shift’ thing, yes, I’m fine! I’m fine! Hahahahahaha!
Power: It’s funny to see how delirious you are! Anyway, I’ll grace you with my help.
Peter Griffin: Can we give them the ninja?
The Noise: Yeah, sure.
Ninjabread Man: HEY, HOW DID YOU SEE ME?! No, you know what, I’LL PERSONALLY BEAT YOU TO DEA
Ninjabread Man is sent flying out of the bush by Jevil and into the other team.
Teruhashi: What was… I guess we might as well take the extra help?
Peter Griffin: Anyway, we’re taking the skeleton and the cool dream dude.
The Noise: I’m giving you both dreams!
SWEETHEART: OHOHOHOHO!
Masada sensei says nothing.
Elliot: I’M GONNA KILL ALL THE COMPETITION! With my axe. That I have. Just so, just so we’re clear.
Teruhashi: OK, so, we get three. Thoughts?
Ninjabread Man: The pig and the witch! Because I HATE THEM AND WANT THEM VOTED OUT.
Daddy Pig: Hello, folks!
Ashley: kys
Peter Griffin: Alright, let’s go for the big dog.
Ben: Hey, guys!
Teruhashi: (OK, we’re pretty much out of good ones. I guess I can go for someone who seems)
Daphne: The Taker.
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO
Teruhashi: (She may be a problem, then.)
Peter Griffin: Uh, maybe the small child?
Isabella: OK! I’m here now!
Teruhashi: Guys, let’s let Daphne choose, OK? (I’ve mostly got what I wanted. I’ll probably be able to sweep for a while! Oh, how it feels to be born a winner.)
Daphne: I choose Dark Matter.
Dark Matter wordlessly floats over.
Peter Griffin: Alright, you guys can go, I don’t really mind anymore.
Jevil: PINK!
Pink: sure lmao
Daphne: The Postal Dude.
Teruhashi: (I mean, there weren’t many better options, but…)
Dude: Hi there. Don’t worry, I’m pretty good at surviving where other people don’t.
Nijika: What does that mean?
The Postal Dude grins.
Nijika: No, what the hell does that
Isabella: Wait, if The Doise is a colour swap of the host, then
Jevil: WE’LL TAKE O’BRIEN AND KRUPP!
Teruhashi: (Oh, come on!)
The Noise: And that’s teams decided! Now all we need to do is name them and we’re in business!
Poop: Which reminds me. We should call our team… Official Business.
Dude: That’s not how Survivor works, you fucking idiot. Let’s call it the Gary Coleman Tribe.
The Noise: It’s done! You guys?
DN-58: THE EMPIRE’S GREATEST WARRIORS!
Lacey: nah, let’s call it yuri tribe.
Gary Coleman Tribe: Poop Emoji, Mash Burnedead, Kokomi Teruhashi, Nijika Ijichi, Gabriel White Tenma, Daphne, Gerald Croft, Power, Ninjabread Man, Daddy Pig, Ashley, Specimen 9, Dark Matter Blade, Postal Dude, The Doise
yuri tribe: Peter Griffin, Jevil, Lacey, Goro Akechi, Haru Okumura, DN-58, Scripulous Fingore, Elliot the Skeleton, Masada sensei, SWEETHEART, Talking Ben, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Pink, O’Brien, Benjamin Krupp
The Noise: Welp, that’s it! Now the island is yours to explore until the ACTUAL first challenge. You got cabins, you got confessional booths by going into the eyes YOU’LL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU SEE IT, DON’T ASK ABOUT THE EYES! Hate it when people ask me questions, y’know?
The Doise: Oh, you do?
The Noise: Yes, I…
Cut to The Doise falling into an active volcano.
The Doise: WOOOOOORRRRTH-
The Noise: Oh, yeah, that’s my new volcano! Haven’t renamed it yet, give me time. Now, any questions? That was a lie, no more questions! Have fun!
The Noise speeds off.
Akechi: What did that small being mean by-
He sees a floating eye.
[CONFESSIONAL: AKECHI]
Well, it’s not the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
Daphne: Well, I’m going to… the cabin. To the game of Survivor.
Daphne leaves.
Isabella: OK, so that guy wasn’t sane, but hey, if we can revive anyway, then this Survivor might be fun! I can’t imagine anything too bad will happen, right?
Pink: you realize you just jinxed it, right?
Isabella: Eh, it’ll be fine! Besides, who knows what the prize will be?
[CONFESSIONAL: FINGORE]
the prize is literally just a shoe. that’s it.
Akechi: To the game, I suppose. I look forward to doing combat with you all.
Everyone goes their separate ways, knowing that no matter what. they now have but three goals.
To survive.
To win.
And to take home the glory.
And so, the games begin.
Ben: Uh, is anyone gonna revive Doi
The Noise: Shhhh. Let them stay like this for a bit.
Ben: …huh.
-----
Gary Coleman Tribe: Poop Emoji, Mash Burnedead, Kokomi Teruhashi, Nijika Ijichi, Gabriel White Tenma, Daphne, Gerald Croft, Power, Ninjabread Man, Daddy Pig, Ashley, Specimen 9, Dark Matter Blade, Postal Dude, The Doise
yuri tribe: Peter Griffin, Jevil, Lacey, Goro Akechi, Haru Okumura, DN-58, Scripulous Fingore, Elliot the Skeleton, Masada sensei, SWEETHEART, Talking Ben, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Pink, O’Brien, Benjamin Krupp
Notes:
yep we're doing another one
basically, after reading furvivor (which you'll probably like if you like my stuff), i wanted to make my own purely contestant vote fic, and here we are.
hope you enjoy!
Chapter 2: Crab Hunt
Summary:
The contestants do a crab hunt because what else are you meant to do on a Friday night?
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Noise: Howdy, gals, bros, and non binary hoes!
Last time on NTV Presents Survivor, we… started presenting Survivor. It was the first episode, what were you expecting?
We met everyone, they all organized into teams after some stupid white guy ruined all my fun, and there is nothing else to report on because nothing has really started yet!
It’s currently night here. Around 1:00 AM, so all the contestants are getting ready to acquaint themselves with the cabins.
Let’s see how they’re doing!
-----
The Gary Coleman Tribe looks at the two cabins laid out before them.
Nijika: Are these gendered cabins? Because there’s a few people here who I don’t really think fit that, and a general gender imbalance.
Dude: Eh, we can always split into two groups of 7 and leave The Doise to be dead. They’re doing it already!
Nijika: You know what, sure, that makes sense. But then, how are we
Poop: I believe we should have all the girls partner together and then everyone else in the other group.
Nijika: But there’s only 6 girls! We have one more person needed!
Poop: Hmmm… I believe the sku
Dark Matter has floated over to where the other girls are.
Poop: Oh, how sad. Please, skull, don’t drain my energy further. I can’t stand it.
Poop Emoji enters one of the cabins. Pretty soon, everyone has gone into their separate cabins. We start with the girls + Dark Matter.
Teruhashi: (That stupid turd probably wanted us to be too distracted by that skull thing to even think about forming a coherent strategy, but it didn’t turn out so well for it after all. I don’t know what the blob will do, but it’s been pretty quiet, so we should be fine, and we’ll have enough cohesion/following my lead to counter anything he does!)
Daphne: Where is everyone bunking?
Teruhashi: I’ll bunk with Ijichi, you bunk with the floating dar-
Dark Matter: I don’t sleep.
Dark Matter moves over to a corner.
Teruhashi: …huh. Uh, that’s 6 people and 8 beds! I think, again, me and Ijichi, creepy girl and Ashley, and that leaves Gabriel and Power!
Ashley: that’s dumb.
Nijika: How is that dumb?
Power: I CLAIM THE BOTTOM BUNK FOR MY OWN, ANGEL SCUM!
Gabriel: Hell no.
They both start fighting over the bottom bunk. Well, I say fighting, but it’s mostly just Power trying to drag Gabriel off the bottom bunk where she already is.
Power: I like the air of the bottom bunk more!
Gabriel: I don’t wanna climb the ladder.
Power: THAT’S your reason? You worthless sow!
Nijika: …ok, I see your reasoning now.
Ashley: eh, whatever.
Ashley immediately claims the bottom bunk.
Daphne: I will sleep.
Daphne collapses onto the floor.
Nijika: …why?
Daphne: Beds are for the unenlightened.
Nijika: Fair enough! So, should we discuss strate-
She tilts her head to the side, thus dodging a magic burst thrown at her. She looks at Ashley with a deadpan expression.
Nijika: You could have just said ‘no’.
Ashley: don’t talk to me.
Nijika: Sorry, sorry! I just thought it would be a good idea to
Ashley: don’t. talk to me.
Teruhashi: You’re right, we’re probably going to be too tired for this anyway. (And I need to figure out who’s on my side, no questions asked, before we start anything.) Power, could you please stop attacking Gabriel so we can sleep?
Power: Fine, but it’s not because of your ‘aura’ thing, I swear! This angel is simply beneath me!
Power jumps onto the top bunk. And is met with an issue.
Power: OH, FUCK, THE SMELL OF THIS ANGEL IS UNBEARABLE!
Nijika: You are a devil, I guess you’d…
She sniffs the air. And then starts gagging.
Nijika: Oh, ew, ew, ew, oh, god, that smells terrible! Gabriel, why do you- I feel like I’m dying from suffocation!
Gabriel: Shut up. There’s an event on and I don’t wanna miss it.
She pulls a laptop out of somewhere.
Nijika: DO YOU EVER SHOWER?!
Gabriel: Maybe… once every two months or so? That’s usually when Vigne forces me in.
Teruhashi: That… that can’t be healthy!
Gabriel: Showering takes time away from the important things.
Nijika: What’s more important than basic hygiene?
Gabriel: Someone’s gotta do these quests.
Nijika: You neglect your health for a GAME?!
Gabriel: Yeah? You don’t?
Nijika: No?!
Gabriel: Whatever.
Gabriel keeps playing the game while everyone just accepts their reality.
Except Ashley, who throws a magic spell at the laptop. It then turns into a fish. Gabriel immediately shoots up and hits her head on the top bunk.
Power: Hey, the last thing I want is more of you!
Gabriel: MY MMO! WHY IS MY MMO A FISH NOW?!
Ashley: it’s either the game goes, or your life goes .
Gabriel: Seriously? It doesn’t even impact you!
Ashley: i want to sleep. you are stopping me sleeping.
Gabriel: …
Gabriel pulls out a horn.
Nijika: Now what?
Gabriel: Feeling cute, might start the apocalypse.
Teruhashi: mightWH
We cut to the other cabin. Gerald is banging his head on a wall repeatedly.
Daddy Pig: That seems counterintuitive.
Gerald: I just want to exit this dream already!
Dude: For the last time, this isn’t a fucking
Gerald: It HAS to be! Do you realize just how much it HAS to be a dream? I can’t have died, that skull thing can’t be real, that jester, the dinner
Poop: What din
Gerald: It all MUST be fake! It simply MUST be!
Dude: If you don’t stop whining about this being a ‘dream’, I’ll give you something you’ll never wake up from.
Gerald looks around. He thinks about everything that has led him to this exact moment. And he finally accepts reality.
Gerald: …it really is, all real, isn’t it? Everything is… that dinner was… Sheila, she rejected… the death … everything’s real. Oh, God, this is… this is truly horrid. I, I have to go.
Poop: No, please. We understand that you’re barely holding it in
The Postal Dude brandishes a shovel.
Dude: One more shit joke. Go on! I dare ya.
Poop: …we need to discuss strategy. There’s a reason I tried to get the more stable ones together. Well, the more stable ones and the Postal Dude. I had to come up with an excuse as to why we needed the clearly less intelligent ones together. Without that loud devil horned girl and the antisocial witch, we can really… get down to busin AAAAAAAA-
Poop Emoji is splattered across the wall.
Dude: I warned you.
Gerald: But he was right. If… if this is real, we do need… strategy. I dread to see… what else that deranged monstrous yellow man has.
A loudspeaker blares.
The Noise: STILL NOT A MAN, FUCKFACE!
Gerald: MY EARS-
Ninjabread Man: OW, that was annoying.
Gerald looks at Ninjabread Man.
Gerald: I did not realize you existed.
Ninjabread Man: YOU CAN’T PERCEIVE ME!
Ninjabread Man tries to spin kick Gerald and instead falls on the floor, cracking his head.
Ninjabread Man: AAAAAAAAAAA
The Postal Dude does a slow clap.
Dude: That was pretty damn perceivable, gotta hand it to you.
Poop reforms and brushes himself off.
Poop: We are getting distracted from the main point. I believe that we should form an alliance. All 6 of us, and then let the skull do what it wants.
Dude: This early?
Poop: Look, we only need to take out two people and then we can, at worst, force a tie. Nothing can stop us then. Those girls won’t be as organized.
Daddy Pig: Yeah, women, am I right?
Poop: …no. That’s… misogyny is not very, uh, that wasn’t what I meant at all. I’m just looking ahead to the future, and objectively, we can make this game easy if we keep voting together, while as it is, the other group includes Power and Gabriel, who are clearly not the kind of people who could focus their efforts on defeating us.
Ninjabread Man and Postal Dude have already left to go do other stuff.
Poop: Oh, what arseholes those two are. But regardless, a four person alliance, and why not? We’ll invite the skull.
Taker makes a nodding gesture.
Poop: Excellent.
[CONFESSIONAL: POOP]
The best way to get forward is to start a large alliance. Even if it breaks down, the chances are that you can avoid taking the biggest beating, and instead, everyone else will be left with their chances gone down the toilet, so to speak. This is, factually, the best move, and no one else can compete with me now!
[CONFESSIONAL: TAKER]
They all think I’m a fool. They all think I don’t understand anything. I know what I am. They don’t. I’m not going to let them know. I’ll take their bodies and rebuild my own. And then… I can finally be complete again.
[CONFESSIONAL: THE DOISE]
They’re still dead.
Poop: So, what do you all say to my proposal? Will you wash your hands of the whole business, or will you go far ?
Daddy Pig: I’ll join your alliance!
[CONFESSIONAL: DADDY PIG]
It’ll make some people really mad if I go far. So I guess I’m going to have to disappoint, ha ha!
Gerald: I agree.
[CONFESSIONAL: GERALD]
I have to make sure someone with dignity wins, at the very least, if I’m going to have to stay in this wretched place.
Mash: Sure.
[CONFESSIONAL: MASH]
I wanna eat a cream puff.
Poop: I’m glad we’re in agreement.
Unbeknownst to anyone, a black sphere with an eye fades out of view.
We cut to the yuri tribe.
Jevil: RANDOM, RANDOM! LEAVE EVERYTHING UP TO CHANCE!
Jevil flings random people into different cabins, leading to xem, Fingore, DN-58, Akechi, Haru, O’Brien, Pink, and Ben being separated from the others.
The others go in their separate cabin. We follow them.
Peter Griffin: Heh, this reminds me of the time I didn’t make a cutaway joke.
Lacey: …you did just do that now.
Peter Griffin: Man, I’m reliving so many experiences right now!
[CONFESSIONAL: LACEY]
i really hope he doesn’t go early, i love family guy clip complations! wait, no, compiations. compilatons? why do i keep… com. pi. la. tions. there we go!
As Lacey comes out of the confessional, she is met with SWEETHEART.
Lacey: uh, hi!
SWEETHEART: Hello, soon to be willing peon!
Lacey: uh, n
SWEETHEART: Don’t so rudely interrupt me. Look, we’re both on the same team, right?
Lacey: true!
SWEETHEART: And we’re likely both in danger. People don’t like those who are better than them! Of course, I’ll be perceived as a threat, and you may be treated as nothing but fodder.
Lacey: wait, really? h-how do i stop this?
SWEETHEART: Simple!
SWEETHEART claps her hands together.
SWEETHEART: Let’s form an alliance together!
Lacey: really? because, uh, these alliances usually get screwed over.
SWEETHEART: They usually have more than two people, and they usually get pretty far but lose because of their own hubris. And yes, I may be extremely toxic, arrogant, and malicious.
…
Lacey: was there a but, or-
SWEETHEART: I wouldn’t be as powerful, as loved, and sometimes as hated as I am, if I wasn’t good at what I do. I know exactly how to control people! And you? You look like you could do with a helping hand.
[CONFESSIONAL: SWEETHEART]
Watch this, she’s going to miss the irony completely.
Lacey: ok! sure! that sounds great! thanks, actually, for, helping me out.
[CONFESSIONAL: SWEETHEART]
See? Ohohoho, it’s brilliant to see them fall into the same trap every time!
SWEETHEART: Then it’s a deal! Now, we should get back to the cabin before they suspect anything.
Lacey: yeah, sure, got it!
We cut to the cabin they were meant to be in.
Isabella: Anyone seen…
Peter is chugging 6 beers, Elliot is trying to kill Mr Krupp, and Seccom Masada-sensei is simply standing around.
Isabella: Never mind.
Mr Krupp: WHERE ARE SWEETHEART AND LACEEEEEEEYYYYY?!
He dodges another axe swing.
Elliot: How are you not dead? YOU’RE MEANT TO BE KILLED!
Mr Krupp: WHY WOULD I LET MYSELF BE KILLED?!
Elliot: STOP BEING RUDE AND LET ME KILL YOU!
Mr Krupp: NO?!
Peter Griffin: Man, can you two please calm down? You’re acting more unreasonable than that Iraqi guy in McDonalds that one time.
Cut to the McDonalds.
Iraqi guy: I don’t think my race is really that relevant here, why did that get brought up?
Peter Griffin: Canon accuracy. It’s just what Family Guy does, you know? Sorry, man.
Iraqi guy: OK, but, this isn’t Family Guy. It’s a cutaway gag in a different thing.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, but it’s still canon accurate.
Iraqi guy: I’m just saying, you really didn’t need to use my race as a punchline there.
Peter Griffin: I’m not, I’m just- I’m using it as a general descriptor! W-we do that all the time.
Iraqi guy: I get that, but, I-I feel like there’s a slightly different tone that comes with ‘Iraqi guy’ than, say, American or British guy or something like that.
Peter Griffin: I’m not the one who- you think I wanted to say it like that? It’s just what comes with canon! Again, we do the same thing with all races, all sexualities, it’s not some race issue, it’s just a descriptor.
Iraqi guy: Yeah, but you could have used any other descriptor. I mean, I’m bearded, right? ‘More unreasonable than that bearded guy’. See how easy it is?
Peter Griffin: You don’t get it, man!
Iraqi guy: No, I get it, I-I just feel like the reasoning is flawed. Regardless of how you use it, it still just- it still feels off, you know?
Peter Griffin: This is what I meant by unreasonable. It’s just a descriptor! I-I don’t see what your problem is.
Iraqi guy: My problem is that it’s just not- why are we even still having this conversation? Who came to a fellow_existor256 fic for a cutaway gag?
Peter Griffin: I mean, there’s probably someone.
Iraqi guy: True.
Silence.
Peter Griffin: You gonna finish that cinnamon swirl?
Iraqi guy: You’re not having it.
Cut to the other cabin.
Fingore: idiotsayswhat
DN-58: Huh?
Fingore: ****
Akechi: I can immediately tell that this experience is going to be like no other. And I don’t mean that in a positive way.
Jevil: HE’S LETTING US VOTE HIM OFF EARLY!
Akechi: I didn’t say that. At no point did I even imply that.
Haru: We should vote him off, though.
Pink: no akechi’s my bbg
Akechi: Please, feel free to never speak again.
Haru: I second this statement.
O’Brien: We are talking as if we’re already losing a challenge. Let’s wait and see what happens first.
Jevil: WE SHOULD GET RID OF HIM FIRST INSTEAD!
O’Brien: If you want.
Ben: Wait, you’re not disputing that?
Haru: Who knows how people work? I have a lot to learn.
Akechi: Yes, I’d imagine CEOs don’t have much experience with common people.
Haru looks at Akechi with a murderous expression.
Pink: aw hell nah
Haru: Yes, I inherited a corporation, but-
Akechi: A corporation known for poor working conditions, attacking anyone in a union, and also for contributing to political corruption in Japan.
Haru: That was under my father! I’m NOTHING like that!
Akechi: Well, isn’t that grand? Replace one oligarch with another, I’m sure there’ll be a difference.
Haru: You really want to make me out to be the bad guy here? When you’re the one who’s committed various murders?
Akechi: Mental shutdowns, thank you. And I can assure you, the vast majority of those targets deserved it. Was it not for you and your group’s little operation, I could have taken down Shido with ease.
Haru: You didn’t need to commit murder to do that! At all! You realize that, right? You just gave them the easy way out, so it doesn’t even fit with your morality!
Akechi: I’m sorry that I didn’t have a fucking cartoon mascot helping me and instead had to figure out how the Metaverse worked on my own. You think some walking cat or bear suit told me how to change hearts, that I was suddenly an expert overnight?
Haru: You know, funny thing. You still could have walked away. At any point, you could have walked away.
Akechi: You, out of all the Phantom Thieves, have the least right to tell me that.
Haru: I think I have the most right. You killed my father. I’d finally gotten him back and you just… you just killed him!
Akechi: Do you ever really think he loved you, Haru? Do you really miss the man he was? You just want the idea of a father.
Haru: How can you say that? I thought you were- I know you didn’t have the same choice. But even now, you’re not showing any remorse? Like father, like son, I guess.
Akechi stares at Haru.
Haru: Akechi, I’m sor
Akechi leaves the cabin.
Fingore: …erm, THAT just happened!
Jevil: WHAT A MARVELLOUS SHOW!
Haru: I didn’t mean for it to get that far!
Ben: I have… no clue what I just watched, but, uh, I think you should both stay away from each other.
O’Brien: Now why would either of you do that?
O’Brien leaves the cabin to find Akechi. A good thing he does, as then the loudspeaker blares.
The Noise: ATTENTION, YOU BUNCH OF BASTARDS! WE’RE STARTING THE FIRST CHALLENGE, SO EVERYONE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE BEACH!
Akechi: IT’S 1:26 AM, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS NOW?!
The loudspeaker clicks off with an unbearable static noise.
Cut to Ashley, looking furious, while Daphne simply looks tired.
Nijika: This early? Come on, we barely just got here!
But slowly, everyone makes their way to the beach. Including the now revived Doise.
The Doise: Why did you have to keep me dead?
The Noise: I don’t know, why do you keep SUCKING?! Yeah, answer that, bitch. Anyway, are you ready for the first challenge?
Gerald: No.
A machete flies past his head.
Gerald: YesI’mVeryExcitedIAmVeryMuchLookingForwardToThisChallenge
The Noise: Eggscellent! Now, what will happen is simple. You all have these cages!
Two team cages land down, which capture Teruhashi and Akechi respectively.
Teruhashi: Um, I know people like me a lot, but I didn’t think it was this bad…
Akechi: Oh, joy, the twist to this challenge.
The Noise: You get as many crabs as you can and put them in the cage with your teammate in it! Whoever wins gets a fun prize of having a hot tub, while whoever loses has to eliminate someone! The people in the cages have also lost their vote and will be burned alive if they lose. Your time starts now and ends when I say so! Toodles!
The Noise speeds off.
Isabella: OK, team, let’s get started! Even if it’s in the dark, we’ll find those crabs!
Haru: What if we don’t, though? Just hypothetically, what if we just… let it happen?
Isabella: Huh?
Ben: Guh?
Fingore: bruh
Pink: that shit is OUTDAAAAAATEEEDDDD
Fingore: When The Moon hits your Eye Like a Big Pizza Pie i will Dig It in Further To Get rid of the Eye Completely You Little shit
Mr Krupp: Never mind that, why would we throw the challenge intentionally?!
Haru: Well, we have enough fodder, right? I mean, look at the person in the cage, or Seccom Masada Sensei.
Masada glares.
Haru: Besides, wouldn’t it be… nice, to watch the fire? There’s something transfixing about it, you know?
Ben: I’m mildly concerned now.
Elliot: Yeah, I wanna watch the guy die! That sounds fun! In fact, I’LL KILL HIM RIGHT NOW! GAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Mr Krupp: NO. We’re not doing any of that, alright? I get that you have, from what I’ve heard, justified reasons to hate him, but throwing the challenge intentionally is just going to make you a target! For all we know, he could end up being immune anyway due to not being able to help with the challenge! Let’s get those crabs instead, alright?
[CONFESSIONAL: MR KRUPP]
Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the nicest of people, or the kindest of people, and I’m not even the goodest of people. But if I have to be the voice of reason, then so be it! I’ll carry this team if I have to!
Akechi: I agree with what he was saying!
Haru: Oh, well, fair enough!
Everyone starts looking for crabs.
DN-58: I have found a crab!
They hold one up, and Fingore pokes it out of the trooper’s hand.
DN-58: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Fingore picks up the crab.
Fingore: I have found a crab!
DN-58: THAT WAS MY CRAB, YOU FILTHY LIAR!
Fingore throws it into the cage.
Fingore: ok you know what i’m tired of your complaining you know i’m really tired of your whining stop complaining already
The stormtrooper fires at Fingore a few times, all of them hitting and sending Fingore to the ground.
Fingore: Wait, but… you’re not meant to be able to aim! You’re not meant to do that at all!
DN-58: Do you really think one of the most efficient armies in all of the Galaxy, a literal Galactic Empire, wouldn’t be able to teach its soldiers how to aim? You really are a fool.
Fingore: aaaaaaaaaaaaa
DN-58: Why are you just saying ‘ah’?
Fingore: i’m screaming in lowercase
DN-58: …what?
Fingore: Don’t Judge Me I’m Lazy
DN-58: Ah, another crab.
Fingore fires a finger bullet at the crab and they both watch it fly away.
DN-58: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?!
Fingore: hahahahahahahaha LOOOOSSSSSEEEEERRRRR
[CONFESSIONAL: DN-58]
This frog thing is getting on my nerves right now. All it does is spout needlessly cryptic statements and screw around! I know that Akechi makes sense as a logical target, but I think we should destroy the frog first.
They look around.
Why are there crabs in the confessional area?
We cut to the beach, where most people are looking around. Daddy Pig, Gerald, Poop, Mash, and The Doise are together.
[CONFESSIONAL: POOP]
I don’t entirely trust that skull, so why not give ourselves some extra leverage?
Poop: Thor ‘The’ Doise, I would like to present you with an offer.
Gerald: An alliance shaped offer, if you understand what we mean.
The Doise: So you four are in it? You know what, sure. I’ll accept your offer. Supermajority is on our way!
Poop: Excellent. Now we have no chance of losing, especially with their most powerful member unable to vote!
Gerald: Really, we are clearly the most stable and most useful members on this team.
They proceed to discuss plans for a while, forgetting about the challenge entirely.
Daphne: Hello, friend.
Nijika jumps.
Nijika: Oh, hey, Daphne, was it? Didn’t see you there.
Daphne: No, I wasn’t there until now.
Nijika: How’s the crab search going? I have a few here.
She holds up a comically large bag of crabs.
Daphne: Why would you… keep them bagged?
Nijika: So they don’t escape?
Daphne: Yes, but it makes it easy for anyone to come and
Jevil swipes the bag.
Daphne: take them. Like that.
Jevil: THANK YOU, THANK YOU! AS A REWARD, HAVE SOME DUCKS!
Nijika: I do like ducks!
The two find themselves on a spinning carousel of ducks taking them away from the island.
Daphne: You see?
Nijika: HOW WAS I MEANT TO PREDICT THE DUCKS?! Can you get out? I’m completely strapped in here!
Daphne: I have methods.
Daphne cuts the straps with a knife.
Nijika: WHY DO YOU JUST HAVE THAT?!
Daphne: …I’m a bread baker.
Nijika: GOOD ANSWER!
Daphne: Now to…
She finds that they are too high in the air to go down without dying.
Daphne: talk, about life.
Nijika: We’re not getting down from here, are we.
Daphne: Outcome not likely.
Nijika gives the camera a blank stare.
Nijika: Ryo, I’m going to kill you.
Daphne: Who’s Ryo?
Nijika: Force of habit.
Ben and Ninjabread Man are staring at each other.
[CONFESSIONAL: BEN]
I don’t know what makes me want to eat the cookie. Something does. And the urge is getting stronger! I’m not normally like this! Did this competition somehow decrease my self control?
Ben licks his lips.
Ninjabread Man: I am confused and slightly disturbed so I’m just gonna hit you with a sword. TAKE THIS, MAGGOOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!
Ninjabread Man jumps up and tries to hit Ben on the head with his sword, but misses and instead lands face flat on a crab.
Ninjabread Man: AIIIEEEE wait i need that thing
Ninjabread Man grabs the crab and runs for it while Ben snaps out of it.
Ben: That thing isn’t going to beat our team. I’m sure of it!
O’Brien: Right now, they are.
Ben jumps in shock.
Ben: Where did you
O’Brien: You’re a scientist, yes?
Ben: That’s true, but how did you
O’Brien: You said about being one, remember?
Ben: …yeah, I probably did. Whoops.
O’Brien: No, no, this is good. You want to go far? You want to prove yourself beneficial to the team? Using the skills only you have?
Ben: What are you suggesting?
O’Brien: For a start, don’t let the bread man get away. You can easily create a few bottle rockets, some explosive brews, you can set a lot of traps if you have the technological know-how, and I think you have the know-how.
Ben: Yeah, why not?
[CONFESSIONAL: BEN]
If it’s for the competition, then I’ll do my best!
Ben gets to brewing while O’Brien moves to a cage with a bag of crabs.
And then stops as the barrel of a shotgun presses into his cheek.
Dude: Hey, numbnuts. Mind giving me that bag real quick? It’s for a charity event.
O’Brien: I can’t think of any charities this show is supporting.
Dude: I’m the charity, and me winning is the event. So how about you give me those crabs and you get to leave with your face intact?
O’Brien: Let me think abo
O’Brien grabs the gun, turns it around, and shoots Postal Dude in the head three times.
O’Brien: I’ve been trained.
O’Brien walks off, now with a bag the Dude had collected.
Unbeknownst to him, Haru saw the thing.
[CONFESSIONAL: HARU]
What does he mean, he’s been ‘trained’? Trained by who? I feel like this guy knows more than he’s letting on, but O’Brien isn’t a full name, so I can’t check through Mementos or for a Palace. There’s something… off, about him, though. I guess I’ll have to wait and see! After tonight’s events, Akechi will probably get voted off if we lose, but after everything’s cooled down and Akechi has more of a hand to play, the team will probably get a lot more chaotic, and seeing what he does then will be enlightening. Wait, why am I saying all this instead of doing the challenge?
Haru rushes out of the confessional area to see none other than Seccom Masada-sensei looking at her.
Haru: Hi?
The dream creature does not respond.
Haru: Oh, right, you’re non-verbal.
Masada-sensei does, however, hold his arm out.
Haru: Is that… sorry, I’m not sure what you’re
Crabs start falling out of the hand.
Haru: …they did say you were a dream, but… what?
Masada-sensei starts levitating all the crabs and leaves.
[CONFESSIONAL: HARU]
Yeah, back here. I don’t think I want to announce a formal alliance yet, in case everyone dismisses… Masada-sensei, was it? In case everyone just gangs up on him for being silent. But… opportunities have arisen.
It’s time for Pink!
Pink: now if i was a crab then where would i be
Pink then gets an idea.
Pink starts grabbing a bunch of red leaves, two giant pincers, two sticks, and a bunch of little twiglike things, as well as scissors, glue, and an entire crafting table.
Pink: …wait, they had all this just lying about?
huh
anyway TIME TO GET-A CRAFTING
Pink speed crafts, puts something on, and…
Pink: my mastapeace
Pink is now in a low quality crab costume.
Pink: now i am the crab
Pink is then pinched.
Pink: alright, listen up, you fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me
A giant robot crab looks at them.
Pink: i can explain
Pink is lasered to death by Crabzilla.
The Noise: Well, looks like someone found Crabzilla! That’s great, really, but how is everyone else doing right now?
The Noise: Well, The Noise, it looks like Gary Coleman Tribe is doing a lot worse than Yuri Tribe, but it’s still anyone’s game! After all, the challenge ends when someone beats Crabzilla, and until then, anyone can get more crabs! We’ve had a few people taken out already, though, and there’s five people on Gary Coleman Tribe not doing anything at all!
The Noise: Well, at this point, The Noise, it looks like keeping this going is more of a formality than anything! Still, let’s see if they can turn around their dreadful luck or if they’re doomed to fail!
Gabriel is not helping their case as she just lies on the beach.
Gabriel: No games… no food… this is so boring . I’ll just… go to sleep…
A crab then pinches her.
Gabriel: EH?!
She stands up as a menacing aura surrounds her.
Gabriel: Touch me again and you will spend what’s left of your life wishing I had given you a quick death. I will visit hell upon you, the likes of which have never been seen before. I will not just kill you, I will ERASE you entirely.
Power walks by, grabs the crab, and tosses it into the cage.
Power: So much for an angel, huh?
Gabriel: Aren’t you meant to be hating me or something?
Power: No, I remembered that’s a demon thing. Devils work a bit differently to all your religious crap. Anyway, you seem like you’re pathetic, asocial, and generally fodder for all these humans here!
Gabriel: What do you mean you remem- wait, no, I don’t care. Anyway, whatcha sayin’?
Power: Let’s form an alliance and vote together so that neither of us get out early!
[CONFESSIONAL: POWER]
I say ‘alliance’, but this is a bit... different.
Gabriel: So how would that work?
Power: We always vote against each other!
Gabriel: …what?
Power: Look, I have the strength and the sheer POWER, obviously, and you… are really disappointing me, honestly. I thought an ‘angel’ would be much more ferocious than this! But if we keep voting for each other while the rest of the team does their dumb mind game stuff, we’ll get looked over as making the game easy! Not only will we be easily convinced swing votes for people and therefore go far on that merit, but they won’t think we’re threats until it’s too late!
Gabriel: I zoned out, can you repeat that?
Power: Vote for each other and then others don’t vote us.
Gabriel: OK.
Power: Excellent! Now, I’ll also have to ensure I work as ‘dumb muscle’, more than that weird fungus haired guy.
Power keeps throwing crabs in while Gabriel goes to sleep.
Ninjabread Man is still running as Ben stands at the side.
Ben: Hee hee hee…
[CONFESSIONAL: BEN]
I have come up with a genius trap where he will run with his crab and he will fall into a net! It’s too genius to fail.
Ninjabread Man then trips over a rock and flies over the area where the net is, shocking Ben.
Ben: GHUH?!
Ninjabread Man runs to the cage and throws the crab in.
It doesn’t go more than 2 centimeters.
Ninjabread Man: OH, COME ON!
Grumbling, he walks with the crab and places it in, before sneaking away again.
Akechi: That gingerbread man is quite an odd one.
Teruhashi: It’s not the brightest, but you can’t discount anyone yet! I’m sure he can go far! (I might as well lie and pretend I have faith in my fellow competitors so I can keep my act going further. When that slips, I imagine that the retribution will be immeasurable!)
Akechi: You can drop the act here.
Teruhashi: Huh? I, I’m sorry, but what act do you mean? (There is no way he’s already caught on.)
Akechi: As someone who also played the ‘perfect’ role, though for markedly different reasons, I can tell when someone else is doing it.
Teruhashi: (Shouldn’t you be busy fawning over me right now?)
Akechi: I’m gay.
Teruhashi: …OK?
Akechi: I have done a fair amount of research on everyone before coming here.
Teruhashi: But we all got kidnapped!
[CONFESSIONAL: AKECHI]
Yes, I occasionally watch slice-of-life anime to go with things like Featherman. Closing myself off to something just because of genre preferences would be a foolish move. Variety is the spice of life, after all. Anyway, needless to say, I already know about Teruhashi’s whole act. I never imagined character knowledge would be helpful in a situation like this, but I suppose life can change very quickly. Having advantages is especially good after what Okumura has done to my image.
( yes there was an eye in the cage don’t worry about it )
Akechi: Look, regardless of anything else, I simply wanted to ask, while it’s just us two, if you would be agreeable to a mutual partnership.
Teruhashi: An alliance?
Akechi: No, not a strict alliance. At least, not as rigorous as other alliances. I simply mean an agreement not to target each other and to work together when needs be.
Teruhashi: …so, an alliance.
Akechi: Now that I think of it, yes, that does sound like an alliance. Ah, well. Are you interested?
Teruhashi: Sure, Akechi-san!
Akechi gives a picture perfect smile.
Akechi: Then it’s a de
And then a massive bag of crabs is dumped over him.
Jevil: OOPS, I MISSED!
Jevil flies away to go be Jevil.
Teruhashi: Are you OK there, Akechi-san?
Akechi gives her the same smile as his eyes are obscured by the dark.
Akechi: Oh, I’m feeling just fine , Teruhashi-san.
Teruhashi: (I am really glad I’m not on his bad side now.)
Daddy Pig: And she didn’t see the ball coming!
Poop Emoji, Daddy Pig, and Gerald Croft burst into laughter.
Mash: Uhhh…
The Doise: Oh, let me do one next!
Everyone stares at The Doise.
Poop: Your last ‘story’ is going to keep me up at night. I don’t want to hear more.
Daddy Pig: Wait, I feel like we’re forgetting something.
The ‘Smartest Three’ think for a bit. And then jump up in shock.
Poop: BLAST, WE FORGOT ABOUT THE CHALL
They are then all crushed by Crabzilla.
Except Mash, who is able to lift it up and throw it away.
Mash: Don’t attack my friends. I think they’re my friends.
Dark Matter: They’re not.
Mash turns to look at Dark Matter.
Dark Matter: That alliance is going to vote you the moment you stop being convenient. You should take them out first.
Mash: What do you mean?
Dark Matter: At this point, we are not going to be able to catch up to the other team. Let them win. Let someone else destroy Crabzilla. I have a proposal for you.
[CONFESSIONAL: DARK MATTER]
Zero told me. Zero told me to win when I consulted with them. So I will win. If I don’t, Zero will abandon me. And then I will be alone. Eternally alone…
Elliot sneaks up on Lacey and SWEETHEART.
Lacey: so, how many crabs you got?
SWEETHEART: I really don’t think we need to worry about that right now. We have far more than the other team.
Elliot then prepares to hit them with his axe.
POOF!
He hits them with a fish.
[CONFESSIONAL: ASHLEY]
i missed.
SWEETHEART turns around to face the skeleton.
Elliot: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY AXE?!
SWEETHEART then punts Elliot into space.
Elliot: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-
SWEETHEART: Thank you, child, but I doubt you were intending to help us.
Ashley: i will do what i mu
SWEETHEART: Oh my goodness, is that a fat man in a biker outfit?
Ashley turns around as Lacey and SWEETHEART run off.
Ashley: i really fell for that?
Isabella: Alright, let’s see if
The Doise jumpscare.
The Doise: I am still alive! Mach 20, huh? Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to stop you getting any further! How does THAT feel?
Peter Griffin appears.
Peter Griffin: What the heck is going on here?
The Doise: Perfect! You can die too!
Isabella: Good luck with that!
The Doise: Luck?
The Doise chuckles.
The Doise: I don’t NEED luck.
The Doise starts cackling.
The Doise: I’M ALREADY DESTINED TO WIN!
They are then all knocked to the ground by Specimen 9.
Taker: TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO TAKE THE DEAD TO
Peter Griffin and Isabella get up while The Doise is dragged off by Specimen 9.
The Doise: No, no, NOOOOO-
It’s anyone's guess what then happened next. But it was not nice for The Doise.
Peter Griffin: Damn, that was more brutal than that other guy’s cutaway gag!
The horrors.
Peter Griffin: …that was a mistake.
Isabella: So… many… bodies…
Power faces Crabzilla.
Crabzilla: ROAR
Crabzilla lasers down a few trees.
Power: This will be FUN. Just a shame you don’t bleed, but we take what we can get. Now, prepare to be butchered like the scum you are!
A giant blood hammer is created by Power.
Mr Krupp: B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobba Wah-wah.
DN-58: STOP STANDING THERE CONFUSED AND HELP US FIGHT THE CRAB!
DN-58 starts firing at Crabzilla. The shots do nothing.
Crabzilla looks at DN-58.
DN-58: No harm, no foul, right?
Cut to DN-58 in a trash can.
Crabzilla: L. M. A. O.
Suddenly, a loud noise as Power hits it with a hammer.
Repeatedly.
It does nothing as Crabzilla is just that good.
Power: DAMMIT, DIE ALREADY, CREATURE OF STEEL!
Its right claw aims at Power, charging up a laser.
Power then gets an idea and lays on the top of the robot, watching it point both claws at its own head.
Power: FIRE AWAY, COWARD!
She slips off the crab and lands in a sick ass pose as the crab lasers itself to death.
Mr Krupp finally snaps out of it.
Mr Krupp: WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST WITNESS?!
Power: The reason you don’t mess with me.
The Noise descends from Heaven.
The Noise: AND THE CHALLENGE IS DONE! Everyone get to the cages! That is, if you’re still alive.
Everyone is there. Except Daphne and Nijika who are still on the carousel.
Mr Krupp: What is… that, thing, doing there?
Jevil: BEATS ME!
The Noise: Well, no need to count, because, uh, the Gary Coleman Tribe has failed on multiple accounts. There’s barely any crabs here! You, you just failed. Welp, time to kill Teruhashi, and then you get to come to THE CHAMBER.
Gerald: The chamber?
The Noise: THE CHAMBER.
The Noise throws a lit match into the cage with Teruhashi in it.
Teruhashi: WAIT, NOOOOOO-
She burns alive.
The Noise: Welp, while that happens, I’ll let you decide who you want out amongst yourselves! As for yuri tribe, you indeed have a hot tub at your cabin for use, so go use that. Ta ta for now!
The Noise speeds off.
We start with the yuri tribe.
Ben: Did Akechi ever get untied?
Haru: It’s fine, leave him there.
Isabella: But he’s a teammate!
Haru: Give him a chance to cool down.
[CONFESSIONAL: HARU]
And, more importantly, no chance to improve his social game. Sorry, Akechi, but I can’t, in good conscience, let you get that far in this game. I’m… not really glad you’re still alive. My father’s death… really hurt.
DN-58: This is a nice hot tub!
Fingore: beep boop get frozen outside the tub
DN-58 is encased in an ice block outside the tub.
DN-58: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!
Ben: I honestly forgot that most of us were insane.
O’Brien: This is… interesting to see.
Isabella: Weird way to phrase it, but hey, now we can all make friends with each other!
Jevil then does the unforgivable and throws a scythe into the hot tub before pulling it out, watching all the water leak out and flying away.
Peter Griffin: WHAT THE HELL, DUDE?! NOT COOL!
Isabella: THE HOT TUB!
The hot tub is gone. Despair grips the tribe.
O’Brien: …it’s just a
SWEETHEART: Can’t you see we’re having a moment now?
O’Brien: …fair enough.
Things are, of course, more tense at the Gary Coleman Tribe.
Poop: Well, there is a simple answer to this. The Ninjabr
Dark Matter: Poop Emoji is leading a five person alliance. And is planning on betraying at least one of the members of said alliance. This is with Gerald Croft, Daddy Pig, Mash Burnedead, and Specimen 9, but Poop Emoji shifted course and replaced the Taker with The Doise.
Poop Emoji, Daddy Pig, and Gerald Croft look at Dark Matter in shock.
Gerald: How did you-
Daphne: Bold to immediately confirm it.
Gerald: WAIT, THAT WASN’T WHAT I MEANT! There’s no alliance, I swear!
Dude: You were talking about one before I left with Ninjabread Man. And as incompetent as that biscuit fucker is, I don’t like being under threat of a supermajority.
Gerald: Even if we did have this alliance, which you have no proof of , the dark blob is clearly more of a threat! How would it have known, hmm? If there was an alliance, it just means that the dark blob has a way of spying on people!
Nijika: Deflection isn’t a good look for you.
Gerald: I-
Dark Matter: Croft is overconfident, Daddy does not seem too intelligent, Mash is also not intelligent, and the two swing voters they tried to recruit would likely both leave the moment the leader was gone.
The Doise: I’ve already left.
Mash: I’ve also left.
Poop: You see, this makes us much less of a threat! Besides, I’m going to
Daphne: Say you’ll disband the alliance, discreetly orchestrate a few eliminations, get those members back, and then steamroll the whole way through?
Gabriel: I was gonna vote for Power, but I’m absolutely voting this stupid poop. I mean, come on.
Gerald: C-come on, guys, th-this is preposterous! There is n-no alliance, at all! H-how could you even c-come to that c-c-conclusion?
Poop: I’m sorry, Mr Croft, but I believe you are only digging the knife in further. The fact is, it is too late for me. I accept my loss like a true gentleman. Just… please remember to wipe before you flush.
The Dude pulls out a chainsaw.
Dude: What did I fucking say about puns-
The Noise: Welcome, folks, to THE CHAMBER! This is where votes commence. This is also where all sorts of idol shenanigans can go on! Oh, it’s fun.
Gerald: Idols?
The Noise: I’ll explain it when we get to it! For now, it’s just an elimination. Now, cast your votes in the confessionals!
[CONFESSIONAL: DARK MATTER]
Sinking a massive alliance now is imperative, and the emoji is the only one who actually presents a threat. (Poop Emoji)
[CONFESSIONAL: POOP]
My chances may have sunken considerably, but I may still have what it takes. With Ms Teruhashi not voting, if The Doise and Specimen 9 pull through, and if Mr Burnedead was lying about leaving the alliance, I have a fighting chance. (Dark Matter)
[CONFESSIONAL: ASHLEY]
he stands no chance. (Poop Emoji)
[CONFESSIONAL: GERALD]
I CANNOT allow a clear supermajority to decrease to two people who have been made into targets! Daddy Pig and me need other people with us! (Dark Matter)
[CONFESSIONAL: GABRIEL]
Yeah, me and Power realized that the ‘vote each other’ gambit can wait until we’ve dealt with this alliance thing. I don’t wanna get sent home early, like I would be otherwise because I’m not exactly active. I may be asocial, but I’m not an idiot. (Poop Emoji)
[CONFESSIONAL: DADDY PIG]
Here’s hoping that the other members pulled through. Otherwise, I’m in trouble. Because I doubt that rich kid would let me escape his alliance so early, and I do need allies. (Dark Matter)
The Noise: Now it’s time to see how people have done! Poop Emoji.
Poop: Yes?
The Noise: Your alliance did nothing and proceeded to get exposed immediately. You should be one of the best players, and instead, it looks like you’ll be going home first! Dark Matter.
Dark Matter stares at The Noise.
The Noise: You made a pretty risky gambit, especially as a player who’s pretty quiet and not very social. The Doise.
The Doise: Yeah?
The Noise: I just don’t like you. If I call your name out and throw you a marshmallow, you are safe.
Nijika: This is more Total Drama than
The Noise: Teruhashi! You weren’t able to vote, but you weren’t voted for at all!
Teruhashi: Oh, really? I’m so glad! (I saw this coming. Even ignoring my natural abilities, they were divided on different issues.)
The Noise: SHUT UP. You’re ruining the atmosphere! Specimen 9.
Nijika.
Gabriel.
Power.
Mashroom.
Father pig.
Witch.
TAKER.
The Dude.
Bread man.
Bread girl.
And, sadly, The Doise.
They all catch their marshmallows while Poop Emoji and Dark Matter remain. The former is nervous, the latter is completely still.
And finally…
The Noise: Dark Matter Blade, you are safe!
It catches its marshmallow on their sword. Poop Emoji hangs his head (or whole body, in this case) in shame.
The Noise: Yep, ol’ Poop Emoji is out first! Next time, don’t get caught making an alliance, sucker!
Poop: Well, this is most unfortunate. I would wish my alliance members well, but that would seal their fates and I have a feeling the alliance will be abandoned now. Congratulations, Dark Matter Blade, was it? You outplayed me this time. But I will be back one day, and I will not go quietly. Here, however, I will leave like a gentle
Cut to him decomposing in a whirlpool.
Poop: WHYYYYYYY
The Noise: And Poop Emoji is gone! Yeah, this clearly isn’t the time to be in an alliance, huh? Well, what effect will this have? When will contestants learn what idols are? And will The Doise die? See you next time while I go answer one of those questions right now.
The Noise twirls a pistol as we fade to black.
VOTES
Dark Matter - Poop Emoji, Gerald Croft, Daddy Pig, The Doise
Poop Emoji - Mash Burnedead, Nijika Ijichi, Gabriel White Tenma, Daphne, Power, Ninjabread Man, Ashley, Specimen 9, Dark Matter Blade, Postal Dude
-----
Gary Coleman Tribe: Poop Emoji, Mash Burnedead, Kokomi Teruhashi, Nijika Ijichi, Gabriel White Tenma, Daphne, Gerald Croft, Power, Ninjabread Man, Daddy Pig, Ashley, Specimen 9, Dark Matter Blade, Postal Dude, The Doise
yuri tribe: Peter Griffin, Jevil, Lacey, Goro Akechi, Haru Okumura, DN-58, Scripulous Fingore, Elliot the Skeleton, Seccom Masada-sensei, SWEETHEART, Talking Ben, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Pink, O’Brien, Benjamin Krupp
Notes:
goodbye, poop emoji! honestly, he could have been a good contestant. he had the smarts, the comedy factor, and the literal bullshittery. but he was destined to be a first boot instead because it's even funnier.
what did you think? any predictions or challenge suggestions? just let me know in the comments below!
Chapter 3: this is still alive? well, no, but also yes
Summary:
announcement that is important
Chapter Text
yep, it's me. you're probably wondering what this situation is.
this is not getting cancelled. but for the sake of the ao3 version, it kind of is.
you see, i've kinda lost interest in this show and the way i've done it. this is also partly due to tribe imbalance - i had every idea of where to go next with Gary Coleman tribe, but yuri tribe would just kind of have existed for a while in all realism.
so i'm rebooting the show! but i'm not uploading it to ao3 for a very specific reason.
i wanna make a choose your own adventure show.
something that has been done before on ao3, but i'm doing things differently in a few ways, the main way being that i'm now going to live write this show on discord and you will get choices.
'but where on discord will this be live written?' the people still listening might say, which is why it's a good thing i have a response for that! for the unaffiliated, this show is part of the 'Character Elimination Cinematic Universe', which used to be a closely connected series of competition fics but now just broadly refer to 'a competition fic that's shared with the community', a bit like the various total drama fics out there, or the fanganronpas, but with more of an actual community behind it. ao3 still haven't canonized the tags because they're cowards, but i digress.
so basically, if you wanna read what i'm writing and make choices in this fic, then come on down to the cecu discord server where i will be writing this! the link's right below!
https://discord.gg/n9CJrMVT
see? right there! you wanna read the rest of this, click it!
if not, then don't, i guess. but *do* read Furvivor by ThaCataBoi, the fic which inspired this one's existence, especially as a survivor fic and not a total drama one.
also, just check out other cecu stuff. best way is through that aforementioned unofficial tag that you can find on the fic tags themselves, but there's also this very incomplete collection. it doesn't include many of the works that actually started the cecu, but hey, neither do you, so it balances out.
anyway yeah that's it byyyyyyeeeeeeee
The Doise: Yeah, our show can get semi cancelled, who wanted it anyway, am I right?
The Noise brutally murders The Doise.
ThaCataBoi on Chapter 1 Tue 08 Jul 2025 03:59PM UTC
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fellow_existor256 on Chapter 1 Tue 08 Jul 2025 05:59PM UTC
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SirBob on Chapter 1 Wed 09 Jul 2025 04:09PM UTC
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fellow_existor256 on Chapter 1 Wed 09 Jul 2025 06:19PM UTC
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Kitty (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 25 Sep 2025 03:23PM UTC
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Lilac_ig/June (Guest) on Chapter 3 Tue 16 Sep 2025 09:18PM UTC
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fellow_existor256 on Chapter 3 Tue 16 Sep 2025 09:57PM UTC
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