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Chapter Text

Persistence

Chapter One

“And you, Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?”

Rose was no longer sure about anything. The Doctor, the man she loved – the only one she loved – would love forever - he was driving her away, after everything? She wanted to slap him, kick him, cause him all sorts of physical pain – but all she could do was to keep her façade and pretend to be stronger than this. She, Rose Tyler, was not going to cry in front of them. In front of him.

The other Doctor was hurrying to Rose then, whispering something to her. In all this shock, his soft words were barely understandable to her. “I'm sorry. So sorry, Rose! You must stay with him… where you belong! Go, get inside the TARDIS before he sees you!”

This, she understood very well. What?

Rose could barely understand what was happening. Was he leaving her? “What about you?” What about our future?

The not-really-her-Doctor shook his head. “I am going to evaporate, like a dust in the wind… in an hour or two. The planet's atmosphere – it's killing me, and there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry...”

Rose could see the unpleasant changes in him already. Could feel them. His life, slipping away, little by little… His eyes, losing the admirable hazel shade… She held her breath, not wishing to know where the dreadful knowledge of someone's existence coming to an end has come from.

“It's obvious you love him. Not some sort of – let's face it - a magnificent alien born from a hand!” He grimaced. It wasn't fair, he knew. Not fair towards him or her… but was life ever fair? If anyone has deserved happiness, it has been her. Rose Tyler.

The girl gave him a brief kiss on the lips on impulse. If this has indeed been the end – he has sure at least deserved a pleasant one.

“See… it was worth living for a day for this kiss alone,” the half-human Doctor smiled at her sadly.

“Go now, Rose Tyler. The TARDIS will know where to hide you until the worst passes. Go, go! I will say your goodbyes for you.”

With her eyes full of tears, Rose went to the TARDIS. Somehow, she knew this was going to be the last time of her having seen her family. Rose knew the ones closest to her would understand.

Rose has found herself in a cosy little room to hide in almost the moment she stepped onto the clever ship again. Thank you, thank you...

But being thankful was not it. All she felt like doing at that moment was crying her eyes out. For the Doctor who could not have stayed by her side until the end of their days. For the Doctor who had died just to save her... But most of all - for the Doctor who was right here on the TARDIS. The one who seemed to have preferred living his life utterly alone.

It was then she heard him pacing. To and fro, to and fro. Rose believed she could sense his distress and sorrow through all these walls separating them... but she was afraid the Doctor would send her away the moment she showed herself. With her tears still flowing, Rose covered her ears with a pillow and cried herself to sleep.

The Doctor believed that has been the best alternative for Rose. Leaving her with the mortal version of him must have been the only right choice... Why, then, he felt like damning himself?! He should have felt relieved about having come up with such a terrific plan... but all he could feel was emptiness. All he could blame was himself, the look in Rose's eyes he remembered blank and resigned. She has finally understood who he was. Someone unable to love.

He sighed heavily. This was it – he has done the right thing. Rose was going to be happy with the meta-crisis version of him, possibly get married and have children… No, now he has just made himself sad. He needed to find something to do, some planet to save, perhaps… But it was too soon for that. Not when all he could think of was the blonde woman he had left without as much as a goodbye.

She had the other Doctor to herself now. They were going to be happy together… he wouldn't be afraid to tell her these three words, and-

“Oh, Rose-” the Time Lord breathed her name as if it were a prayer. He was not ready to let go. Even if she were in someone else's arms now, even if-

The TARDIS could not take this foolishness any more, buzzing in disapproval. This had to end. Right now.

Rose Tyler awoke to the ground shaking under her feet. She was not one to get frightened easily. What is it, old girl? Is someone trying to get inside? The Londoner could remember very well the Doctor kept boasting about his ship being unbreakable. “Are we in danger?”

The ship remained quiet. The meta-crisis version of her Doctor had come up with a plan much more acceptable than her Time Lord. Self-inflicted torment was never something she approved of.

The vessel gave away no sign of having heard her. “What is happening? What is wrong? Tell me, old girl! I need to know- is the- is the Doctor all right?”

She could have shown Rose straight to the Time Lord's chamber, the one she'd needed to have taken certain measures to get him into. Something to tire him down enough to crave for his chamber and his bed – the one thing even the clever ship has not expected for was Rose's name on his lips before the induced sleep took him over. This was only for the better…

With both of her subjects asleep, it was just about time for the TARDIS to take matters into her hands.

The Doctor could feel something was wrong – but the induced sleepiness would only have left him completely in three minutes and thirty-three seconds. He knew his ship liked to do this whenever she was angry at him for something.

“I am angry at myself for this, old girl! You needn't have bothered! And I get enough nightmares without your help, thank you!”

Usually, the enforced sleep meant nightmares were even more horrific than the ones from the War. But never so devastating as this one. Rose was calling him, all bloody and on the verge of dying in some winged beast's arms- but this was not the worst part. Rose was laughing at him. Laughing at his inability to save her, even when the beast was biting parts of her body off. He is still better than you, she pointed.

“No, no! Rose!” His mind was slow to let go of the dreadful nightmare. Then, he remembered.

What have I done? The Doctor stared at the ceiling for a painful moment, before he understood the TARDIS' flooring was unstable. All he needed was an earthquake, with one already in his mind as it were.

Besides, such happenings were impossible on his TARDIS. No earthquake outside could have had such an effect inside! She was his ship. He knew what could happen on his ship. Well, mostly anything, but earthquakes were not included in the list.

“What is it, old girl? Is there something I need to check in your circuits?”

Silence.

“Tell me. Please, TARDIS! I'm sure we can work this out together!”

“She won't tell. Trust me, Doctor, I've tried everything.”

The very eyes from his nightmare were now laughing at him.

Chapter Text

Previously…

“She won't tell. Trust me, Doctor, I've tried everything.”

The very eyes from his nightmare were now laughing at him.

Persistence

Chapter Two

The Doctor backed away instantly, staring at her in disbelief, holding his breath. This couldn't be!

The next moment, he approached the young woman, his cool searching fingers softly touching her face. At least Rose did not seem to be covered in blood and seemed to have had her body intact... all fingers in place, no visible bruises…

Rose was watching him curiously, her worried expression having brought him back to reality at once.

Fool! That has only been a dreadful dream! The Doctor would have preferred to have quite different dreams about her, if he were being honest… But this was not the time.

He took some steps back, his eyes wide. There had to be some logical explanation to this. The ground shaking under his – under their feet was of no importance all of a sudden. Rose was here. Rose.

She spoke after a while of fruitless waiting for him to say something. “Are you going to help or are you going to gape at me like this for another hour?” Rose Tyler smiled at him softly, traces of light teasing heard in her voice. As if on purpose, her smile was touched by her tongue – but he was not going to allow this to have any effect on his reasoning. He was used to that smile. Perfect, wonderful, irresistible smile.

“I don't understand,” he has finally admitted, after having tried and failed to find some rational explanation to Rose's being here.

“Why are you here, and not with-” his eyes bore a certain hope in them. One he should not have had, in the first place. Rose was no longer his. Was never his.

“He's gone,” she sighed sadly. “Said the Earth's atmosphere was toxic to him, or something like that,” Rose explained, growing impatient.

“Do something. Or is the earthquake not something worth of our consideration?”

The Time Lord ignored her most recent words. “What do you mean, the Doctor's gone?”

“Gone, like a dust in the wind. That's what he's told me.”

“Dead,” the Time Lord was not in the mood of softening his expressions. Even in front of Rose Tyler. “A part of me, dead and gone,” he sighed, frustrated. “Everyone… everything is gone in the end.”

"I'm still here,” Rose smiled at him soothingly.

Still…

“The point is, I have nowhere left to go. My family's gone. My home in the parallel universe is beyond reach. Not that it was ever my home.”

If it weren't Rose talking to him, the Doctor might have got upset about her bluntness.

“Stuck with you,” he exhaled, his lips curling into an involuntary smile. Maybe this time, he would be allowed some happiness, maybe this was how it was supposed to be all along?

Rose did not dare to approach him. He did try to send her away, after all!

“Bet you'd rather be alone right now, though. I'll try not to be a bother,” she spoke to him sincerely, ready to return to her room... perhaps even to her old one?

He came up to her, having something different on his mind. “Rose... You should know I-”

What  was it she should have known? If there was one thing Rose knew for certain, it was that the Doctor was not going to use that tactics on her again.

“I know you never say it. Whether you love me, hate me or are indifferent towards me… I will never know, yes?” She had known back then. But much time has passed since that dreadful farewell in Norway.

The ironic thing was he had been about to leave her in the very same god-forsaken place again… Her anger returned. “I'll just be off to my room, while you're dealing with the ground-shaking situation, yeah?”

The Time Lord found Rose's hand and took it in his. “I'd rather you stayed,” he muttered.

Before she could either say something in response or to remove her hand, he thundered at his ship. “Will you stop, TARDIS?”

Rose giggled. “You know she can't-”

She stopped.

The Doctor shrugged at Rose knowingly. She grinned. If there was anyone who could do this…

His intense look was almost making her feel as if he were seeing her through. If anything, this deep stare was making her uncomfortable. And it hardly ever did, not since-

“You'd been crying,” he stated with assurance.

She shrugged, keeping her eyes locked with his. Rose has been dealing with all sorts of aliens in Torchwood alone, never afraid to look them in the eye. Why was it taking so much strength out of her to look at this one? This was the Doctor. The Doctor. She never looked away. He did.

“Over me,” he continued slowly, never allowing a trace of doubt slip through.

Rose's lips formed a wry smile. Lying to him was of no use. They were both well beyond that. “Even if so, what of it?”

The Doctor could think of a variety of reasons why a woman would be brought to tears because of a man. As for Rose… he dared not make a guess.

“You shouldn't have,” he said instead.

Her response was brief, dry and provoking, just like the look in her eyes. “No?”

“I don't deserve your tears, Rose.” Don't deserve you.

She sent him a thoughtful glance. “Nobody deserves my tears, you're right, Doctor. As for deserving me…”

He stared at her again.

“Stop it.”

“But you can't- can't have-”

“You'd be surprised about what years of working at Torchwood does to you,” Rose shrugged. “But, really, you should not have left your thoughts so bare and undefended,” she teased him softly. “You are not a human to allow yourself such silly mistakes.”

“You are not some sort of agent for that hole of a place, I dare hope?” He countered.

She grinned at him, relieved about the turn of conversation. “No. Besides, it is a hole of a place. Particularly for someone who's had the misfortune of having fallen for-”

The Doctor smirked at her, not once doubting whom she was having in mind. “Hmmm… I wonder just who that might be?” He was completely at ease all of a sudden. His Rose was with him again, and this time-

The companion rolled her eyes at the Time Lord. “Does it need saying?” she echoed his today's words perfectly.

This has worked as a much-deserved slap for him. Before he could say anything, very likely one of his useless apologies, Rose turned away from him – but did not leave the room.

“I have missed you,” he said. So much.

You should have. “Have you, now? It did not seem that way to me when you'd almost sent me away into the arms of somebody else, yeah?”

Trying to send her away was a mistake, a terrible mistake. “I know I shouldn't have tried to keep you away. But this other Doctor was so-”

“Lonely?” Rose finished for him. “Aren't you?”Aren't we all? Because someone wouldn't speak his mind?

The Doctor believed to have known what was coming. But instead of a Tyler slap her mother must have taught her well, her lips were on his. Only this kiss was nothing like the brief one she'd given the other him just today… he was thankful for that. That much, he certainly didn't deserve. Not from a certain Rose Tyler… but he would have been a fool not to have allowed her entrance. He has never said it, that was true. But with their lips and tongues connecting and colliding with all this incomparable ferocity…

I know, Rose breathed into him.

Chapter Text

Previously...

But with their lips and tongues connecting and colliding with all this incomparable ferocity…

I know, Rose breathed into him.

Persistence

Chapter Three

Rose moved away the next instant. "This won't do," she muttered. "If I'm keeping my promise, we need to slow down."

The Doctor stared at her, puzzled. "Why?" And what was the promise she was having in mind? She can't have meant her heated promise of forever? Or has she?

"You still haven't said anything," she shrugged, having given him a wry smile. No words of love. No words of devotion. "We can't proceed unless-"

Oh, Rose… The Doctor wished he could… Knew he should not. Wanted to, though.

She sighed at him. It was clear to her she was to keep her feelings to herself… Somehow, it has only brought up sorrow and anger within her. But she was a Tyler - even slapping him had to be justified.

"I'm off to prepare us both a cuppa," Rose said instead. "Any new preferences?" After all this time?

"None. My preferences haven't changed." I have you by my side, at last- "Have yours?"

The girl – just the same as he remembered her… and yet so very different – shook her head, hurrying to leave. Was this it, she wondered. Has the glimpse of love the passionate kiss gave away was just that? A glimpse? No-one should have judged anything from a momentary sensation. It could have been a mere physical reaction to her closeness. If he won't say anything, least of all do something – neither would she.

The Doctor grabbed Rose by the arm. "Don't go."

She stopped, surprised. "I'll be next door!"

"Too far," he muttered.

"You might join me, if you want," Rose suggested, incredulous. That much would not have been a surprise, really – they were used to doing these tiny things together, close that they were. Not close enough. Never close enough…

"I will, but first-" the Doctor pulled her close. I'd like to know more about this.

She breathed out, frustrated about the sudden effect this had on her. Intimacy was certainly not something the Doctor seemed to have had any idea about. No matter what he'd told her. On the other hand, understanding personal space was also an issue. "You are the Time Lord. I guess you don't really need to know what telepathic communication is," she tried to free herself from his embrace, but he didn't let go of her.

I don't, he agreed. Mastering this kind of communication to have been able to use it with such an ease would have taken at least fifty years for a human, if one were exceptionally talented and gifted with… languages, for one thing. Rose seemed to have been struggling even with French... Before they've begun travelling together, at least.

She closed her eyes.

"Look at me, Rose," he asked. "If you won't tell me how this is even possible, how are we going to return to how we used to be?"

This was a very wrong thing to say. Rose freed herself from him without a word. She has changed. If the Doctor were going to poison their forever with reminisces of their past, however pleasant it might have been…

"What is it, my Rose?"

"So I am yours now, is this it?" Her voice bore no light teasing in it this time. No glee. Instead, she sounded flustered.

He was confused. "Have I done something wrong to have upset you so, Rose?"

The recent memory was comfortably here to have offered her a sufficient reason for her grumpiness. "Let's see. You have left me… Or would have, had the other you not fallen victim to something beyond his control. You want our relationship to return to how it used to be-"

He scratched his sideburn, thoughtful. "What's wrong with that?"

What's wrong- Rose exhaled, suddenly feeling inexplicably exhausted. "When a woman kisses a man and he answers the kiss eagerly, the woman is naturally expecting for him to-" She was being foolish… no, she was being utterly stupid to address these things when talking to him, not when they- were going nowhere with this.

His response has maddened – saddened – the fair-haired girl further. "What's a man to do, when the woman in question is so utterly kissable?"

She slapped him. "Make the bloody cuppa yourself, Time Lord." The woman was gone out of his sight in less than a second.

"Rose?" He didn't mean to hurt her! He loved her! The fact he never said it didn't mean- besides, she knew…

"Rose?!" This couldn't be. Was she playing some sort of a twisted game with him? He went straight to Rose's room, only to find she wasn't there. She had to be somewhere!

Just like the Doctor, Rose was pacing to and fro in the chamber provided to her by the clever vessel conveniently on her side.

The Time Lord has eventually decided to try the telepathic communication. I'm sorry, Rose!

The answer came at once, as clear as day. She chose to ignore his apology, at least for the time being. Hasn't your tea grown cold, Doctor?

The alien remembered only then he was supposed to make himself some tea.

Have been too busy looking for you. There's no tea to speak of. Not that I can think of a sufficient reason to have my tea without my forever-companion, yes?

He knew, then. At least some of it… This has both made her tense and relieved at the same time.

The next thing he knew was Rose Tyler coming up to him. "Can't have that, can we?"

He grinned at her, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. Don't do that again, please, Rose. It makes me uneasy, losing you in my own TARDIS. The Doctor seemed truly concerned.

"Or what?" She was using her soft teasing voice on him again, as if nothing had happened. And that grin, that grin… All of a sudden, all he wanted was to push Rose against the wall and snog her breathless.

She smirked.

The Doctor locked his eyes to hers, at the same time taking both of her hands in his and planting kisses on her fingers, one by one, no trace of lust in this action. I'm so glad you're with me, safe and unbroken, my beautiful Rose…

This time, Rose has only smiled.

Chapter Text

Previously…

The Doctor locked his eyes to hers, at the same time taking both of her hands in his and planting kisses on her fingers, one by one, no trace of lust in this action. I'm so glad you're with me, safe and unbroken, my beautiful Rose…

This time, Rose has only smiled.

Persistence

Chapter Four

Her smile was wiped off her face the next instant by none other than the Doctor. "This has turned out nicely, don't you think, Rose?"

"No," she was glad he was too stunned to try and keep her from getting away. How could he even think of it like this?

The Doctor gulped. "You know what, Rose Tyler? You are not the only one suffering here, so you could just do me a favour and keep quiet. You are not the one who's had to make sure Donna forgets everything about me and about our travels and-"

Rose gave him a sad smile, before getting off to her room. She knew the Doctor had to live through this devastating loss all on his own. Just in case he felt like talking about it, she's made two cups of tea.

He did come to find her, not long after. The tea was still steaming. "I am sorry, Rose. I didn't mean to frighten you with this outburst, it's just-"

"It's fine," she assured him. The hard look in her eyes, however-

The Time Lord was not used to be given such looks... Especially not by Rose.

"Are you still angry at me for-" He knew what he'd attempted to do had been wrong in so many ways, but Rose could not sulk at him for this forever! She was the one making him… And everybody around – happy! That was what his- his- that was what his persistent pink and yellow human had to be! Happy!

Rose spoke with an unnatural calmness, having put her cup aside, only barely noticing him having done the same. "With no tears left to cry I have no choice but to be angry. You have hurt me. Even after all this, after I have returned…"

To him, above all –

"You have chosen to- to give me away, as if I were a… a slave, or… or some useless thing!"

The Doctor understood she was right, guilt embracing him like an old friend. "Never again," he breathed into her fair hair before kissing her softly on the lips.

Rose backed away from where she was sitting, startled. "Is this only so much I deserve? A kiss from pity? Or is this a I am so sorry kind of-"

She was furious… And very, very sad. Not even the TARDIS could enlighten her mood. Even if she tried.

"I won't... I can't give you anything more, Rose... Would if I could- I'm sorry," he muttered, hardly able to meet her wide eyes, full of unmasked sorrow. There it was, the hard look in her eyes again.

She breathed in, succumbing to the inevitable. Only this time, her pain was deeper and stronger than ever. The Doctor did not need to know any of this, of course.

Rose cleared her throat, having made sure her mental barriers were truly up first.

"Sure thing. I'm sorry, too," the Londoner spoke drily, unable to control the sarcasm seeping through her words. "Sorry the only thing to make you say it is when it's too late." And even then, you hadn't… You should have, could have-

The Doctor panicked. "A second more, just a moment… And I would have! I swear it, Rose!"

Keep your oaths for someone else… She turned and left the room without a backward glance.

This time, she did not reply to his inquiries… Knew there was no way for him to find her, unless she chose otherwise. Or believed it to have been so… Until the Doctor did find her, a wide grin on his face. Obviously, Rose did not need to know just how much pleading and bribing it took to have convinced the TARDIS to lead him to her.

"You have never told me how you did happen to acquire the telepathic ability, Rose."

The girl was too surprised to even be mad at the ship. "Oh. I have acquired a great many things. The TARDIS... She's never really left me." Kept me going, even when I have begun doubting in everything.

He eyed her fearfully. Curiously. "You almost have, Doctor, but the old girl remained here with me, always," she placed her hand on her heart.

As you were in mine, the Doctor allowed his thoughts reach her mind, not really caring to hide anything from the pink and yellow girl. Not any more.

Rose pretended not to have caught that, even if she was trying her best not to grin at him.

"I have answered your question, Doctor. Answer mine. Can you promise me you won't run after every beautiful highborn lady there is?"

The Doctor shrugged, amused. "Still mad at me about Reinette?" He smirked.

She slapped him. Hard.

"Ow!" He whined, knowing full well this was well-deserved.

"Reinette was too good for you," Rose stated.

Having momentarily forgotten his reddened cheek, the Time Lord could not stop the biting words from escaping his lips. "Or are you, Rose Tyler?"

"I could never have abandoned the man I love, for one thing," she spoke with a shrug, her eyes void of emotion. The Doctor's breath froze in his throat. How much was she capable of now? How much didn't he know? How different was this woman from the unbelievable companion he has grown to love?" The Time Lord realised he didn't care. Rose Tyler was here, and nothing else mattered.

"You never have," he smiled. Rose, his Rose… She has returned to him, for him, the Doctor knew that now. The unexpected kind of a smile she sent him – he has not dared to expect any smile from her at this moment, if he was being honest – was challenging.

The Time Lord has had a lot of choices before him, Rose knew… But she was not going to stand in his way now, whatever the reason. She had no right.

The conflicting emotions in Rose's mind were hard to decipher – because of her conscious efforts to make them so, very likely – but the Doctor did not want to go back now. Did not want to stop, not with her. Not ever again. Only go forwards, wherever that was going to take them.

"Rose, I-"

She looked at him, the raw emotions on his face making her want to either slap him again or kiss him… Up until there was no way back.

Rose did none of that.

"Oh, Rose-"

"If you want to tell me something, please, go on," she muttered, having uselessly attempted to keep the uninvited and unwelcome uneasiness away from her mind.

"I can't… I simply cannot do this, I-"

Do this. Why did this ring a bell? Rose sighed, expecting for the worst. Of course he couldn't. "Do you want me to leave, is this it?"

"No. Anything but that."

She couldn't leave. Not in the forever she'd promised him, not-

The Doctor eyed her pleadingly. "Can't you just stop?" His words have turned out harsher than intended. "For a second?" He hurried to add, almost uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Rose nodded. She knew she could probably find all the most important answers in his mind… Even if merely considering this felt incredibly blasphemous. With no words said openly, no confessions made to ease the process, her hands were tied.

The Doctor had to think of it himself, Rose knew. But he has been so close, it was so easy to-

Show me, she encouraged him softly, not daring to as much as touch the Doctor.

Taking a breath, he approached her. Her words have apparently affected him greatly. 

"You know I'd never leave you for any high-born woman. Ever. For any woman, for anyone, Rose."

This was unexpected. She could barely utter something in response. "Ever?" She echoed, afraid to breathe.

The Doctor was now impossibly close to her, his words only heard in her mind now. You are too important for me, Rose. I have lost too much already. Could not risk losing you.

This was very beautiful. She was almost ready to give in. Almost. "You mean you can kiss whomever you choose, as long as I stay by your side? Is this how you see it, Doctor?" Rose had to force herself not to back away from his embrace.

Then, he gave up and placed his hands on her temples ever so softly.

Chapter Text

Previously...

The Doctor was now impossibly close to her, his words only heard in her mind now.You are too important for me, Rose.I have lost too much already. Could not risk losing you.

This was very beautiful. She was almost ready to give in. Almost. "You mean you can kiss whomever you choose, as long as I stay by your side? Is this how you see it, Doctor?" Rose had to force herself not to back away from his embrace.

Then, he gave up and placed his hands on her temples ever so softly.

Persistence

Chapter Five

Rose exhaled, tension and relief battling in her mind, as she placed her hand on his, as if asking him to stop.

He glanced at her.

She stuttered to reply to his unworded question for an instant. "W-what is- What is going to happen now?" Rose believed to have known this was going to have some irreparable effect on them both – and took a heavy breath.

Are you afraid, Rose?

The question took her by surprise. As did her answer. Yes.

He smiled at her tenderly. Merely admitting this meant more than he had hoped for. The Doctor's words were barely audible now. "Know what, Rose Tyler? I don't know what is about to happen. Not an inkling there," he touched his own temple. Before she could react, he continued. "And I don't care. For once in all those years, I don't give a damn."

"No?" Rose did not know whether she should laugh or cry about this admission. But he was not done yet. "I don't know if this will bind us together even more or will it make you despise me. Hell, I don't even know what we are to each other at this moment!"

The companion – she was one again, was she not? – took her hand away from his, ready for anything.

Could you open yourself a bit more to me? The Doctor demanded her softly, his words feeling like a soft caress in the parts of her mind Rose did not think of closing away from him. You seemed to have had most of your brilliant mind closed off, the moment you have kissed me, he explained.

"There have been reasons. I was ready to strangle you there and then," she hissed, remembering.

"And now?" The Time Lord was watching her, hopeful.

"I'd rather not," Rose said simply, trying to somehow mask the mixture of feelings inside her.

"I won't get you to open yourself up to me, then?" he shrugged. "Or do you no longer hold the wish to physically hurt me?"

The Londoner sighed at him impatiently, not answering. The sooner this was done, the better… Just promise you won't use any of this against me, Doctor. Or else she'd be over and done with.

Never. I could never-

Rose gulped, still unable to fully trust him… But encouraging him to enter her mind all the same, because what choice did she have? There was no-one else. No person for him to send her to this time… Not knowing what the late version of him - but not him, not really - has said to her family, she could only hope that at least that Doctor has not betrayed her trust.

"He hasn't, you know," the Doctor whispered at her with assurance. "He is- was – me, after all. Surely, I do know myself!"

Fighting the nagging wish to snap at him about how much he didn't know, she stayed silent.

The Time Lord cleared his throat… Without any apparent reason. I am about to enter your mind now, Rose.

She closed her eyes, ignoring his unuttered demands for her to face him. This was going to be huge. All of a sudden, she felt the need to apologise… But the wish was gone as soon as it appeared.

Having finally dared to enter her mind, the Doctor was overtaken with an eerie silence.

Haven't done what I'd asked of you, Rose? He was expecting as much, but it was unlike Rose to keep everything at bay… It was enough to send a pang of sadness through his hearts.

Oh. She seemed to have remembered herself. Try the pink door. The pink door was not one to be missed, indeed. It was the widest and the one almost screaming her name. I'm so sorry.

He had wished for her to give away something more. Rose believed she had nothing to lose... And offered him everything instead. Following his uncertain steps without a sound, she was more than prepared for what was waiting for him inside her mind.

As for the Doctor… He opened the door and was overtaken with smells and feelings. Of roses. Of sadness. Of pain. And love. Love so desperate it almost hurt.

Rose…

Go on. See everything, Rose was urging him forward almost angrily.

He stopped mid-step, never even getting through the threshold of the room with everything Rose has had to show him.

Hurts, doesn't it?

It does, the Doctor admitted, suddenly aware just how much pain he must have caused her in one day or other. Does this include what you'd experienced today? He had to ask.

No. You'd need to go deeper inside for that. Everything meant everything. The Doctor reminded himself he was a Time Lord and stepped inside…

It was only natural he jumped back as soon as he faced it, today's date burning in front of him. The pain seeping out was still fresh and torturous.

At least you're not screaming, Rose comforted him mockingly. He, a Time Lord, being made fun of by a human? The Doctor didn't care. How did you survive? He asked her instead, almost ashamed to admit to himself he was honestly curious.

You are not the first to have betrayed me, Time Lord. Hopefully, the last one.

Rose… The Doctor was petrified. It was best he left her mind as soon as possible, but she was forcibly making him stay. Is there anything else you'd like to see, Doctor? She spoke with an unnatural sweetness. He stared at her. The dreadful things she'd gone through must have been inhuman.

About that… Suddenly, she was leading him to a different room in her mind. It won't be as painful, promise. The Doctor had no choice but to enter. The blinding golden light took his breath away. You don't have to enter this one, Rose smiled at him, not surprised he has got as far from the chamber as possible at once.

Rose… Can we leave now? He grew tired of pretending this did not affect him. Just how much didn't he know about his pink and yellow girl yet?

She removed his hands off her temples with a nearly practiced ease. It was surprising to her this was only so much he managed. "You could have done so much better, Doctor," Rose chastised him playfully. "We haven't even got to Jimmy Stone yet."

How do you manage? His admiration for Rose grew even more, even if he'd thought it was impossible.

She sighed. "The same way you do. Pain, loss, torment… Let's not forget determination." Rose has not moved away from him. It was likely he was going to be the first one to break down this time.

Who are you, Rose Tyler?

"It's complicated."

Oh, how he hated when she used his words this way… But he was not going to give in.

"Try me?" The Doctor was just as good at this as Rose was.

She wrapped her arms around him instead, suddenly feeling as if having allowed him in was the most stupid thing she'd ever done. This has only made it worse, yes?

He has breathed a reply into her ear then, making her shudder at the contact. "On the contrary, dear. My brave, brave Rose." Will you ever forgive me?

Her eyes enlightened then and she knew. Knew that no matter his barely forgivable actions, no matter the feelings he was likely never going to admit... They were going to be fine. At least in the way they used to be.

No matter how much it hurt.

Chapter Text

Previously...

Her eyes enlightened then and she knew. Knew that no matter his barely forgivable actions, no matter the feelings he was likely never going to admit... They were going to be fine. At least in a way they used to be.

No matter how much it hurt.

Chapter Six

If the Doctor was expecting something to happen then, he was sorely disappointed. Rose has backed away from him without a word.

"Is something amiss, Rose?"

Too many things. "No."

He did not question further. Maybe she was regretting having opened up to him.

"I'm tired," Rose said. Having let down her mental barriers, for however short a while, had been strangely relieving. However, she was not wishing to risk it again. Not any time soon. At least not showing the Doctor anything had been safe.

"Do you want me to lead you to your chamber, Rose?"

The hope in his question startled her. "No. I know the way. Thanks for offering, anyway," she gave him a forced smile. Rose realised she should have expected the feeling of emptiness within her. Returning to the way they used to be was going to be hard, she knew. Perhaps even impossible… But she was willing to take chances.

The Doctor realised the foolish step he'd almost taken with Rose was biting back at him. "Wait, Rose-"

She turned back at him mid-step, as if having expected this. "Hmmm?"

"Are you going to hate me for this almost-leaving-you thing for good?"

"No." Rose wanted to hate him. But she could only hate herself for not being able to say something as uncertain as 'maybe'…

"Good," he managed, relieved.

"Yeah? What about discussing this tomorrow? My head's killing me…"

The Doctor believed to have known the reason of this. "I know what might help!"

"Sleep? Or aspirin?" Rose giggled at how he shuddered at the latter. "Really, though. Just leave a poor exhausted human be."

Instead of that, the Doctor laughed at the girl mirthlessly, his voice quiet. "Oh. Might I remind you, my precious Rose, that no ordinary human can do what you have done? I don't think the people in Torchwood are capable of ever learning of such thorough mental communication, let alone teaching the techniques of it. Spill it, Rose Tyler."

Shit. She should have known some part of this was going to get out of her hands. "I have shown you more of myself than any reasonable person would have. This won't happen again. Now, would you please excuse me?" She was flustered.

The Time Lord nodded at her. "Yes. Have your rest. See you tomorrow, Rose."

The final word felt like a juicy innuendo. Rose hurried out, not ready to face anything of that sort. Not from him, and most certainly not now.

The night has been long for the Doctor. At least sleepless nights were no news for him. This time, the alien was determined not to waste it. He has spent the majority of the night trying to extract some part, some trace of Rose from wherever their bodies have touched during the day. Knowing them, this has happened quite often. The Gallifreyan has had to admit distracting his cells from hers was both time consuming and painful – and that meant something for one able to survive insurmountable amounts of pain without as much as a wince.

Must I go through this? He asked the TARDIS when the level of pain has increased considerably.

The ship's reaction was puzzling. She gave out a sound that resembled laughter.

"Sure, old girl, I may be daft at times." The pink and yellow human has taught me this, all right. "But what's so funny about my efforts to know something more about Rose?"

The vessel's emotion eased to one of mere amusement the moment he went to the TARDIS laboratory with what the Doctor believed was sufficient for analysis. No results would have been ready until the next day. The Time Lord glared at the TARDIS… But let her have her way.

The Doctor has got up early and went up to check the results. The result table was blank.

"G'morning, Doctor," Rose startled him, winking at him slyly. "I don't exactly enjoy people getting to know more about me than I allow them to."

"What does that mean?" Haven't you shown me all there was to know about you?

"I might have asked of the TARDIS to wipe out everything you might have collected about me last night from her storage banks, yeah?"

The Doctor gaped at her. Why?

"Because maybe, just maybe… All you needed to do was ask, instead of making yourself go through all this unnecessary pain." Too late now, Rose shrugged, gone from the research room as soon as she'd appeared.

The Time Lord was not letting the subject go. Not this time. It took him no time to catch up with Rose. Whoever she was now, her walking or running speed seemingly had not increased.

"Rose. You have opened yourself to me fully just yesterday!" Why, then, he felt as if he knew almost nothing about her yet?

"I have. Won't happen again, I've told you."

"But why do I feel as if I knew next to nothing about you?"

The girl sighed at him heavily, welcoming his hand in hers. It couldn't harm her, with her mental walls safely back in place. He couldn't harm her. Never again.

The Doctor shuddered at the sudden lack of response from her. It was always there. Even without her conscious knowledge, something was always there. "What have you done, Rose?"

"More like what you have done, Doctor. "Do you think I wanted this?"

"What?"

"When I'd promised you forever, I meant it with my heart. But never have I imagined so did the TARDIS. I can't have imagined, can't have hoped…"

"What? The Doctor stared at her blankly, afraid to expect for the impossible. What?

Rose did not seem to have heard him. "I have done so much in your name, Doctor. Yet it seems the next time you get the chance you are running away from me again."

He was startled. "I have promised, Rose!"

"You have. Back when Sarah Jane was there with us, you have."

Never to you, she recalled his words bitterly. "But what do the Time Lord promises mean? Really? What do your promises even mean?" She knew what those were. Nothing but empty words. And she was stuck with him. Only this time, the phrase did not have any trace of hope in it.

"Listen to me, Rose-"

"No, you listen to me, Doctor. I have sacrificed everything for you, that's true."

"Rose-"

"But I have done so willingly. Would do it again, if given the chance. But-" She grew pale all of a sudden. "But the forever I have promised you-"

"I can't stop you if you choose to leave me, Rose Tyler," he spoke heavily.

Bloody Time Lord. Suddenly she wished she had not placed the walls up so soon. "I am trying to tell you something, Doctor!"

"Why not show it to me, darling?"

Rose averted her eyes. She has done it, all right. All it's done was leave her feeling utterly exhausted and mentally devastated. The Doctor has visited her mind's palace, surely. But never the rooms she'd hoped he would.

"What for?" She managed, dismissing the unpleasant thoughts.

"I could help you!"

The girl shook her head, ignoring him. "You'd told me you could not risk losing me."

"I remember."

"That's the funny thing, though, Doctor." My Doctor.

The Time Lord caught her eyes. "I meant it, Rose!" Can't you understand it? He inhaled heavily, suddenly uncertain if she could even make out the words not uttered out loud, with her inner walls brought up so high it was getting more and more uncomfortable trying to reach for her mind.

I understand. Some of her protective shields were lowered just enough for that kind of telepathic communication. There is more to it.

Holding her hand was not enough all of a sudden. He wanted to hold her in his arms... But didn't dare. Tell me. "Tell me, Rose!" The Doctor was growing anxious.

"Why don't you ask the TARDIS?"

"She is on your side. Up to the point where- You tell me what is wrong." Please.

Rose sighed. "Your precious ship might have taken my promise of spending forever with you seriously." Almost too seriously, as it comes.

The Doctor was once again left staring at her, incredulous.

"That's what I thought," she offered him a tiny sad smile. "But it's too late to do something about it."

Whether we want it or not, we are bound to stay together for a very, very long time.

Chapter Text

Previously…

"Your precious ship might have taken my promise of spending forever with you seriously." Almost too seriously, as it comes.

The Doctor was once again left staring at her, incredulous.

"That's what I thought," she offered him a tiny sad smile. "But it's too late to do something about it." Whether we want it or not, we are bound to stay together for a very, very long time.

Persistence

Chapter Seven

The Time Lord was afraid to consider the possibilities. Afraid to hope. He went for asking her bluntly, even if he believed to have known what this meant. "What do you mean?"

Rose felt unwelcome tension rising inside of her, but chose to ignore it.

The Doctor clarified his question. "What do you mean, 'whether we want it or not'?"

She bit off a sigh, frustrated. "So, now you're asking. I have things to do, Doctor. Sorry. Meet you later?"

"After you've had your morning cuppa?" He was hopeful. She half-smiled, still unable to be angry at him. Not in the way she believed she should have been. "Perhaps."

"Mind if I join you? For a cuppa? Just like all the times before? We could-" The Doctor was trying everything he could to make the suddenly heavy atmosphere between them lighter.

"Fine," she spat sharply. Because why not? If the rebuilding of their relationship – a strong overstatement, perhaps – had to begin somewhere, this seemed a safe enough place.

This sounded anything but fine. Something was wrong, but she would not say. The Doctor was afraid he knew just what that was… He grinned at her instead, pretending not to have heard the dismissive tone of her voice. "Allons-y !" He chirped excitedly.

She bit her lip. Some pain might have helped, but none came. "Have you not been listening to me at all, Doctor?" Rose stopped him. "I don't know about you, but this situation terrifies me."

"What? Having tea together? I swear, the tea the TARDIS provides us with is just as delightful as always. The way you like it!"

Rose giggled at him bitterly, shrugging. "You know that's not it."

Talk to me, his voice reached for her mind expectantly. Please, Rose.

The girl wrapped her arms around herself instead. I know nothing about this. Nothing! You talk to me, Time Lord. And leave nothing behind this time! Rose has had way too many things left unsaid by the Doctor. "It's much too late to hear whatever you can tell me of the unexpected emotion this fills me with, but I'd rather face it now than later. As this clearly plays some crucial part in my life. One you have comfortably forgotten to inform me about, she hissed.

The Gallifreyan paled. "Rose- trust me, I know as little of this as you do!"

That was the problem. She trusted him with her life, even when it was clear he was keeping something important from her.

Rose shrugged at him. She realised it was likely she knew more of this than he did. It was dread-inducing. "Yeah?"

The TARDIS enveloped her in trust and assurance. It has been her doing, in a way. Only now, there was no way back for either of them…

The Doctor smiled at his companion softly, feeling some of the emotions aimed at Rose himself.

"Yes."

"The thing is," Rose spoke quietly and calmly, as if afraid the pleasant sensation of belonging was to be gone any second, "you have not shared a thing with me yet, Doctor."

Haven't I? The Doctor looked sincerely puzzled. He would have sworn differently. "Oh," he realised what she meant. "I'm afraid it would be too much for you to take, Rose. My mind, my memories, my-" feelings.

She smiled sadly at him. "I understand."

He shook his head, No, Rose. You don't.

The four words bore such intensity in them it took great strength from Rose to keep herself on her feet. The girl eyed him searchingly, unable to back away a gasp. What was that, her wide eyes seemed to be asking. She had to admit to herself there was a lot she still had to learn about the Doctor.

This is what sharing myself with you would feel like. Only it would be much, much stronger. Devastating for ordinary humans, even. But she was capable of dealing with telepathic communication. With the most difficult kinds of it. This can't have meant she wouldn't be able to deal with this. The things he'd seen in her brilliant mind implied something entirely different.

Something incredible.

Rose's eyes sparkled in excitement and disbelief at his revelation. She has barely remembered to breathe. This felt like something unreal. Would you, Doctor? Would you do this for me? Share this with me? She knew, knew he would.

He nodded.

"That was what the analysis has been for," the Doctor explained, catching the glimpse in her admiring brown eyes. "It has not been successful, as you must know," he smirked at her. "You would need to allow me enter your mind again someday," the Time Lord muttered almost apologetically.

Why? Why would I do that? Rose has almost choked at the unexpected certainty in his words, sending him a – not at all heartfelt - grimace.

"Because we would need to do this."

Do what? The young woman chose to look ignorant. Maybe then, the Doctor would open himself to her more.

Rose… The Doctor glued his eyes to hers, never losing patience. My dearest, sweetest human being…

It took Rose all the strength she had not to wrap her arms around him in relief. His words were soft and tender and felt honest. She smiled at the Time Lord uncertainly. "You do realise it's the human part I am no longer certain about?"

Rose- It was clear he was fighting himself in order to either tell her something or not to.

Rose sighed. "Whatever it is, I can take it. If you feel it's not worth my consideration, let me go."

He stared at her, startled.

"To my room," she clarified, a wry smirk on her lips. Rose sighed, noticing his look was suddenly nowhere as tense.

Don't go? The Doctor asked her quietly. "I have been meaning to ask you if- if-"

If she has forgiven him? If she needed any kind of favour from him? If the open love inside her mind were not an illusion? Her mind was filled with possibilities, one more dreadful than another.

The Time Lord has kept his worried eyes on her. Only when the unpleasant emotions seemed unlikely to leave her thoughtful expression for a while much too long for someone as joyful as Rose Tyler did he put an end to it. "Stop it, Rose," he whispered at her kindly. "It's going to be all right. We are going to be all right."

All right is not good enough, Doctor, she smiled at him sadly. You know it as well as I do.

The Time Lord sent her a foolish smirk. You are right, my Rose. Everything is better than that whenever you're here, he admitted.

The Londoner gave him her most sincere smile since that dreadful almost-goodbye on the last day, finding no reason to delay it further. "What was the question you'd been meaning to give me?"

Are you sure you would be able to handle this? Living with me? Every day? Every moment?

"I don't know," Rose admitted in a small voice. But I'm willing to try.

Chapter Text

Previously…

"What was the question you'd been meaning to give me?"

Are you sure you would be able to handle this? Living with me? Every day? Every moment?

"I don't know," Rose admitted in a small voice. But I'm willing to try.

Persistence

Chapter Eight

"Rose…" The Doctor did not know what else to say. He was ashamed of his own actions, aware the girl has had every right to be mad at him. For as long as she felt like it. It was up to him to fix the situation – however impossible.

"Let's… start all over again?"

The woman looked at him searchingly. "Surely, you don't mean right from 'Nice to meet you, Rose'?" She smiled fondly at the memory.

He returned the smile. "No, I don't think going this far would be a good idea."

Rose knew it wasn't. "Of course not," she agreed. "What was it you've had in mind, Doctor?"

He couldn't, simply couldn't step on a wound so fresh. Merely trying something this stupid might earn him another sight of Rose in pain. Pain caused by his own foolishness. The Doctor was afraid every reminder would only increase her sorrow… And he did not feel ready to meet even a glimpse of the devastating feeling – one threatening to eventually win over her unquestionable, all-consuming love for him that he has met in her mind. One his stupid words have planted in there.

"It's not important from where we start, as long as this renewed relationship of ours-"

Rose has said nothing against it, which was good, very, very good – "-doesn't make you sad. I don't want you sad, Rose!"

She sighed. "I don't want to be sad. It just comes." The memories just return to me.

The Time Lord was confused. Surely, his brilliant girl must have taken the possibility into consideration. "But you'd told me- are you sure, completely certain you are ready to share my woes, my sorrows? Learn about and go through the impossible things I have done? Ones I will blame myself for until the end of my long, long existence?" His eyes darkened, face now contorted in pain at the memory of his planet burning… of his planet dying.

Rose took the Doctor's hand and held it, aware this was helping him to compose himself. "It's all right to be sad sometimes, Doctor. But there are things that cannot be changed. Gallifrey was bound to be destroyed."

The Time Lord stared at the girl incredulously, almost breaking away from his companion in shock. "I don't remember to ever have told you-"

Its name? Rose was honestly surprised. "It might have slipped your lips once or twice in your sleep, Doctor."

"Has it?" He couldn't believe it. It was easier for the Doctor to believe that yes, she might have seen him asleep – even Time Lords needed sleep - but he never would have allowed her into his room, never! Not if he had a choice in it, which wasn't the case yesterday… Maybe he should have become worried when Rose did not seem surprised one bit when in his chamber, not with all the unusual equipment, not even with the photos of the two of them here and there… There have been more photos of them on the walls than those of him and other companions. Of course, this could always be fixed... Not that he wanted it to be. Not any time soon. Not while Rose was with him…

"You should have warned me beforehand, Doctor," the companion exhaled, having assumed the Time Lord was still uneasy with her increasing abilities to sense his emotions and catch his thoughts. Rose had to admit to herself this saddened her.

Her tone has suddenly changed into a lighter one. "Besides, it was so long ago I cannot actually remember any of it," she lied. Rose had the TARDIS to thank for the fact the alien could not remember her visits to his chamber. Could not remember her holding his hand and whispering soothing words into his ear whenever the nightmares became too much for her Time Lord. He had been whispering names of those he had lost. Apologising. Praying. Regretting.

"You shouldn't worry about it, Doctor," Rose assured him. "I could ask the TARDIS to stop warning me about your outbreaks. I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Strangely, the ship did not react.

He was speechless. "When I was in your head… why haven't I seen any of that? One trace?"

"You weren't looking in the right places. Besides, these are your nightmares. My mind is filled with those of my own. Ones you still cannot decipher. Anyway," she breathed out. "I will avoid your room from now on, don't you worry, Doctor!"

The Doctor shook his head. "You don't have to, Rose. I have nothing to hide from you."

This has been a start. "Yeah?" Then, she remembered. Even though he's just claimed this simple fact, the Londoner knew what she has still wanted to hear from him… those three words she never would.

He grew annoyed all of a sudden. "For God's sake, Rose Tyler! Why won't you stop!"

She was puzzled. "Wha-"

I am trying. Trying so hard!

If this was how he wanted it… What?

I know what you want to hear! I simply cannot. Not yet.

Rose sighed. "Don't say it, then. I surely could wait for several more years," she gulped, knowing her words have only made it worse.

Maybe one day. Maybe he would tell her he loved her. Maybe not.

His hand was still in hers. "How are you, Doctor?"

"I'm fine."

That has been a lie, it was clear from Rose's sad eyes she saw it. "Do you want anything? We can't stay trapped in this unpleasant situation forever," Rose breathed. "I'm sure there is something that could brighten your mood-" She didn't dare suggest they went travelling somewhere. He would have to be the one suggesting it.

Unwillingly, the Time Lord let go of Rose's hand. "How about you change your clothes, for a start?"

She gaped at him in surprise, but composed herself the next moment, her voice filled with expectant teasing. "Any preferences, Doctor?"

"Why, yes," he shrugged at her, his voice emotionless. "Something bright. Maybe the bright yellow dress?"

Oh, she remembered that one. Her surprise was evident. Having bought it after some particularly nasty experience on a cold and gloomy planet, Rose has made sure it was hidden somewhere far, far away inside the TARDIS for the Doctor not to see. It was bright, of a very thin texture, almost see-through and very, very short. Much shorter than what was considered acceptable in places other than one's bedroom, as well. At least the Doctor did not seem affected by such things.

"Why?" How do you know about this one?

This is my ship, Rose, he shrugged, amused because of the startled expression on her face.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Why would you even want me to wear this particular dress? It's very-"

"This is exactly why I want you to wear it, Rose. This far into the future, nobody cares."

Rose knew she should have been happy they were travelling the universe again.

The girl blinked, as a realisation hit her. "You care."

He sent her a wolfish smirk. "Oh, yes!"

Chapter Text

Previously…

The girl blinked, as a realisation hit her. "You care."

He sent her a wolfish smirk. "Oh, yes!"

Persistence

Chapter Nine

Rose has countered his smirk with her own. "Only if you promise to wear something as revealing, hm?"

The Doctor froze, not having expected something like that from Rose. "I don't-"

"Don't do that sort of thing?" Her smirk widened.

"Er-"

"Yeah. I might have guessed as much."

"Oh, just you wait, Rose Tyler!" He took his suit-jacket off.

She pretended to be shocked. "How dare you… such… such indecency! Such nakedness," her eye-roll was very much in place.

"I have only just started," the Doctor winked at her. "But do you really think you are capable of withstanding that? He almost mewled at her seductively.

She blinked. Surely, he knew she loved him. Knew she wanted to-

Now, he was simply being unfair. I'm sure you know how to deal with drooling companions just fine, Doctor, Rose bit harshly, suddenly annoyed.

"As a matter of fact-" He understood the implication perfectly. "No." It was not his fault this body of his was so attractive! The Doctor froze. "Is it what you intend to do? Faint? Just to prove your point?"

Rose grinned at him. "Not unless you are actually as sexy as you secretly think you are," she rolled her eyes.

The Doctor was obviously enjoying himself. "You find me sexy, Rose."

She sighed heavily, not bothering to deny the obvious. "As does every other human wherever we go. Whenever we go. That's hardly an advantage."

"But the fact I am always by your side helps, surely?"

"You try to be, I'll give you that," the girl grimaced. Which you succeed in for approximately… twelve minutes.

"Anyway," she shook her head at how much this resembled a domestic chat. "What is the planet you are taking me to? What is it famous for? What sort of species live there? Are they friendly?"

There was his Rose, always with the right questions. "Well- they might look a bit- spotty at first. And, well, a bit clammy. But you'd be fine, as long as you don't come to close contact with them," he assured. "As soon as they are aware you are my beloved, we would be safe."

"Is that so?" Rose eyed him with mistrust, suddenly unsure about his definition of safe. "What about the nobody cares part?"

"The moment they understand you belong with me, darling-"

It did not feel encouraging in the slightest. "And what is it we need to do to make them believe we are, in fact, a couple?"

"Couple's not the word that society approves of. They find it's nowhere as defining as- he said an alien word, then shuddered.

"Why wouldn't the TARDIS translate that word for me?" Rose was suddenly less and less in the mood to travel there.

"Well- The TARDIS wouldn't translate that." The ship squeaked angrily. "She thinks-" The sound was twice as loud now. "Fine, fine, old girl! I get the idea! You are absolutely right," he touched the coral almost soothingly.

Rose was having none of that. What is it that is so wrong about the word? Of course, she knew the ship well enough to make a more or less correct guess as to why some word would not be translated. "If I ask the Doctor very, very quietly?" She bargained. "If he responds to me in an equally quiet fashion?"

Apparently, the ship thought it best to simply ignore their discussion. "If not a couple," Rose was determined to learn what it was either way, "what is it? How would they call us? Or can't you say?"

"Well-" The Doctor was clearly uncomfortable. "A very, very loose translation would label us as "shagging mates," he did not look at her.

"And that is the place you want to take me to? Why?"

Because this is the only planet where I can easily proclaim you as mine. Because that is the place where staring at you shamelessly would only be encouraged.

Oh. The Doctor must have lost himself in his thoughts deep enough to forget-

Rose shrugged at him instead, amused. Would I be allowed to stare at you shamelessly, too?

If you promise not to pass out in front of me, he teased.

Do you promise to wear something worth looking my eyes out, Doctor? The seduction in Rose's voice augmented with every word.

Both Rose and the Doctor were, if anything, looking for an adventure.

She was a bit uncertain… and a bit curious. He was determined… and quite a bit terrified.

"We need to register as shagging-mates first," the Doctor has never let go of Rose's hand, looking daggers at every being that seemed to be even the tiniest bit curious. He did not lie about people not caring about what one was wearing. But the looks they kept giving Rose - his Rose - were just a bit too intrusive.

The moment they entered what seemed like an office, the Doctor almost sighed in relief at there only being one other creature in the room.

"Oooh, another one!" A creature, looking more or less like a grey sticky mess of spotty skin, just as described, smiled at them – if that could be taken as a smile – encouragingly. "A couple? Or shagging mates?"

"Is there a difference?" Rose asked innocently.

The one responsible seemed excited all of a sudden. It was likely nobody bothered talking with it more than necessary. "Couple is the newest title they have come with. Stupid philologists. I still think-"

"Language is bound to change over time," the Doctor sighed, seemingly agreeing with the approach expressed. "Anyway – do we need to do anything, or the usual procedures would do?"

Rose's eyes widened. Even the Doctor's half-open shirt – it was indeed hard not to start drooling, she had to admit – was not enough to shake the sudden dread away from her. Usual procedures?

The TARDIS has apparently been too furious at them both for deciding to risk the trip anyway to even imply her existence in their minds…

"These should do, yes," came the answer. However, the visible mixture of relief and excitement was gone off the Doctor's face almost as soon as it appeared. "I hope you are prepared to pay the fine for so shamelessly taking a fair-haired creature – human – female for a shag mate?"

What? The Time Lord stared at her, not understanding.

"Another one…" The tone of the creature's voice was pitying now. "Does anyone read pieces of legislation any more?"

The Doctor felt like slapping himself. Although that would not have been enough. I'm so, so sorry, Rose!

"We're kind of lost. Have been away for a while. I am sorry… what year is this?" He managed.

I am so going to kill you.

The grey being was not at all surprised. "In which calendar?"

"Earth… if it is still called so – London?"

"Ah. Of course you are not aware of the law, then," the words were almost soothing. It's 8527. But this does not excuse you from breaking the law. You still owe us fifty thousand. Another fifteen if you wish your blonde possession to be marked as untouchable."

"So it's all business and money nowadays," the Doctor noted sadly, handing the credit stick.

The creature seemed friendlier after having received the money. "You must really love your fair-haired friend. Do you need a reminder as to what usual procedures entail?"

"No, thank you. It was nice talking to you!"

The moment they left the building, Rose was afraid to take one step outside. "What was the reason of bringing me here, exactly?" She was walking towards the TARDIS briskly, with the Doctor nearby, too shocked to even respond to her inquiries. This was never supposed to happen. All right, so they have missed his intended year just by a couple hundreds of years…

Maybe, just maybe, he might have got too excited about the chance to take his Rose to this particular planet… One which was bound to be destroyed in a couple of years, by a fair-haired creature, as a matter of fact… But that was not the point. Historical facts were not what mattered.

Back inside the TARDIS, Rose was staring at him, wide-eyed. Doctor! We have not… you have not… Then where does this weird feeling of  belonging come from?

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Previously...

Rose was exhausted, he could see that. Once she was awake after the well-deserved deep sleep, the connection between them was going to kick in.

But first of all, he was going to have a serious talk with his ship, now conveniently quiet.

Persistence

Chapter Eleven

Having seen to Rose coming to her room to finally have her rest, the alien has addressed the vessel. I am waiting, the Doctor was expecting for a response from the old girl. Maybe even an apology. None came.

Honestly? Do you think allowing Rose to go through the excruciating process on her own has been a justifiable decision on your part?! Even if we, Rose and I, might have some disagreements from time to time, as does every living being, you shouldn’t have left Rose alone with this! Who’s to say, she might end up loathing her new nature, one you have forced upon her so brutally!

The old girl has thought it best to allow her Doctor to vent freely. She, someone making sure the lives of her Doctor and that of her golden girl were only getting better every day. Of course, for that, she needed them to be together.

Instead of responding to him in one of the endless ways she knew the Time Lord could understand, the old girl has directed his attention elsewhere, showing him his Rose, sleeping peacefully.

The Doctor sighed in relief. At least one of us is not filled with guilt, he noted to himself.

The Time Lord didn’t expect for the thing which followed.

Rose has come to him.

“What is it, dear? Weren’t you supposed to be relaxing?”

The girl shook her head, her voice mistrusting. I don’t… I can’t- Can’t- bloody hell, my mind keeps urging me to stay close to you, at all times! What is happening?

The Doctor understood this might be frightening.

“We are likely the only two remaining members of an extinct species, Rose. It’s only natural we are supposed to be taking care of each other,” the Time Lord finished quietly, reading unease inside Rose’s eyes.

“Tell me we are supposed to revive this extinct species and I’ll be the one making sure this won’t ever happen,” she exhaled.

The alien shook his head, soothing her. “I don’t think it’s even possible to re-create the means to make something like that possible, my dear!”

Rose exhaled, relieved. “I’m so sorry I can’t tell you I wanted-”

The Doctor nodded at her, understanding her unworded wishes and desires incredibly well. “Your altered nature is likely going to stop you from ever getting the chance to even-”

He knew changes in Rose’s nature, however close to that of one born a Time Lady they have now been, have had the miniscule difference stopping her from getting a chance to ever become a mother.

“It can’t and won’t happen,” the Time Lord grabbed her by the hand, pressing it. “Not to us,” he said. “Has this suddenly become a problem, my pink and yellow Time Lady?”

Rose shook her head. “That’s a relief, Doctor,” she admitted, changing the subject right away.

”You have never explained the inexplicable connection the visit to the blondes-hating society has given to us, not properly-”

They have only awakened and strengthened the ever-present connection between us, one formed previously when-

She nodded, knowing without his saying this was his way of telling her they were to stay together under whichever circumstances. Rose’s face has enlightened with a tongue-touched smile. “We have forgotten our tea!”

The Doctor beamed at her, happy to see acceptance and delight on her face. “Is this all you care about, Miss Tyler?”

“No. I want us to live our lives to the full, Doctor. To stop pretending, for one thing. If telling, showing or at least implying our feelings to each other is a problem, I-”

The alien shook his head. “I want to. But the still raw changes within you might affect the way you see things, might hurt you anew, and I can’t-”

Rose gulped. Hurt me more than your not being there with me when I was going through the excruciating processes of my nature, my physiology changing? I doubt it. I wanted it all pointed out to me. Explained, if you like. I know how much you love your scientific babble, Doctor… I have been waiting for you to tire me down with your incessant gob, one I was likely never going to understand fully either way. I needed you. You weren’t there.

The Gallifreyan was pale like the freshly-fallen snow. “I am here now!”

“Avoiding me, I can see,” Rose sighed heavily. Having gone through the change without the help of the one she has loved more and more every passing moment, the Time Lady was afraid of nothing now. However, the unwelcome doubts were eating her from the inside.

“I am avoiding to cause you any harm, Rose!” The Doctor spoke, sounding unconvinced. Maybe, just maybe, his upcoming - he was ready to, that much felt completely natural - love confession was going to make things right… But Rose’s safety has been above everything-

“I-”

Rose bit her lip. Tell me. Or has making me one of your kind has been all you needed? Not to feel alone in the world? The girl was not sure where the bitter words were coming from.

No! You don’t understand, Rose! The Doctor panicked. I am worried, startled, terrified I would not be good enough for you and-

The young Time Lady sent the Doctor a burning look. I love you, my Doctor. How could you be not good enough?

He exhaled, determined. I can only show you what you have shown me, Rose. If this meant he was finally freeing and admitting his feelings for the Time Lady in the most drastic and open way he could think of, now has been the time. This is it, Rose Tyler. I am opening myself to you… If you still want, he finished shyly.

Rose sent him a loving look, knowing right there and then she would have waited for years, ones possibly filled with hours of tense disillusion every day… But here she was, feeling the Doctor placing her cold hands on his temples and allowing her to finally dive into his troubled mind.

Chapter Text

Previously…

Rose sent him a loving look, knowing right there and then  she would have waited for years, ones possibly filled with hours of tense disillusion every day… But here she was, feeling the Doctor placing her cold hands on his temples and allowing her to finally dive into his troubled mind.

Persistence

Chapter Twelve

“Oh, Doctor…” was what has escaped her amazed and startled mind after barely getting to experience a second there.

This mind, it’s all yours. I am yours.

The complicated parts of his mind began to clear up, showing Rose the feelings once hidden deep inside now surrounding her like a protective shield of love, trust and happiness.

What are you afraid of, Doctor? Is there something you don’t want me to see?

The Time Lord shuddered at the very thought of making Rose see his dreadful actions during the war. Gallifrey has been burnt, destroyed… Not without my doing, the Doctor spoke darkly. I don’t want you to see it. You may find I’m a monster.

To me, you’re not.

The Doctor gulped. “Because you have been the one changing me for the better, Miss Tyler,” he said quietly. “Even after all of my mistakes and missteps, you’re still here with me! I don’t think I deserve someone as perfect as you keep proving to be.”

Rose inhaled. “I’m not perfect and neither are you. But we’re still here, unable to be apart. I’d say that’s good enough.”

The alien sighed. “ Good enough is not sufficient, Rose.”

“Oh?”

Assuming this is a start to our forever, my Time Lady, I won’t take anything less than perfection with you.

The girl was staring at him, her mouth open, the realisation she has been inside his mind hitting her anew. The Doctor has trusted her enough to open his mind for her!

I love you, Rose sent him. Try to remember that, whenever you feel like hurting my feelings.

The Time Lord was stunned. Did she really think he has ever wanted to intentionally hurt her?

I am trying to keep you from pain, Rose.

Instead of saying anything in response, she kissed him, If you want to hate me for daring to actually do what I feel like doing, even in this sacred mind of yours, I’m sorry. 

The alien did nothing to stop her. I don’t feel I deserve your love or your kisses, Rose.

The girl was persistent. “Lead me into your darkest memories, Doctor. I have already shown you mine.”

The Gallifreyan shuddered. “I’m afraid for you, Rose. This dark part of my mind includes corpses. Fire. Hatred. And so, so much death.”

Take me there, Doctor,  she asked him sweetly. I think the things you’re hiding from me the most are what keeps us apart, she reasoned.

He could see the untarnished logic of a child, in this case, the logic of a Time Lady with her freshly born insights no human mind could ever think of. The Doctor couldn’t even think of a believable reason not to allow her to see the death of his home planet, believing this alone was going to drive her away from him, maybe for good… But keeping secrets from her, from his brilliant companion, his Rose Marion Tyler has suddenly felt like a sacrilege.

My secrets I myself want to forget, the darkest of my sins… It’s all here, the Doctor inhaled and joined Rose inside the darkest memories, hidden in the darkest corner of his tormented mind.

Rose found his hand. We’re in this together, my Doctor, she breathed, suddenly feeling her face wet with tears… She has never let go of his hand. Not once. Blood, Corpses or just the remains of them, Fires likely never completely extinguished inside his mind.

The dreadful sight of his planet’s agony appeared to be infinite. Whenever the Doctor wanted to take her away, she shook her head and kept going. Even if this meant infinite nightmares for her from this very moment, Rose has only held the Doctor’s hand more firmly.

It seemed the journey has lasted for centuries. For both of them.

My Rose… My dear. Why are you crying? was the first thing which the Time Lord has said, once the old girl has finally decided they have had enough horrors for the day and has led them both into some part of his mind with the traces of loving thoughts about Rose all around them.

You have gone through so much. All by yourself. My Doctor.

The alien was ready to begin convincing her he has been but a murderer, but Rose stopped him. This it it. You keep clinging to the most dreadful of your experiences. Do they make you feel better? Stronger?

The Doctor gaped at her. “Well, not as such, but I can’t pretend these things have never happened,” he tried to justify himself.

Rose smiled at him, realising what has driven them together in the first place. “Have I ever tried to ignore Jimmy Stone happened? I have told you about him on our first date,” she reminded him. “You have told me about your planet being gone. even if without all the gory details. Doesn’t this make our situations at least a tiny bit similar? Had I not left him, I’d likely be living as a penniless vagabond up to this day. Had you not destroyed all the evil I now know as Daleks, do you honestly believe your home planet would still be there, safe from harm?”

The Time Lord inhaled. Rose. My Rose, I… I think I’m in love with you.

Before Rose could respond, she realised the old girl has brought them back into the real world.

Rose realised she couldn’t talk, with her throat feeling completely dry from spending time inside this other, the Doctor’s reality.

The Gallifreyan couldn’t find it in himself to negate anything. Of course, he should have known welcoming Rose inside his mind was going to break apart some of the limits the reasonable part of himself was putting up whenever the possibility to admit his feelings has arisen.

“Rose,” he managed, “You shouldn’t think I can only speak about my feelings for you when I’m safely protected inside my mind.”

The Time Lady looked at him encouragingly.

“I… I want to kiss you, to show you the depth of my love, I-”

Rose smiled at the Doctor lovingly, not daring to say a word.

Chapter Text

Previously...

“Rose,” he managed, “You shouldn’t think I can only speak about my feelings for you when I’m safely protected inside my mind.”

The Time Lady looked at him encouragingly.

“I… I want to kiss you, to show you the depth of my love, I-”

Rose smiled at the Doctor lovingly, not daring to say a word.

Persistence

Chapter Thirteen

I really can't find the words, the Doctor admitted.

“Thank you,” Rose said. “For everything.”

The Doctor shuddered. It sounded like a good-bye.

Don't. Don't do this. Please.

Rose blinked at him. What?

He grabbed her by the hand almost feverishly. Rose! I am trying to express my feelings. Feelings I have never named before! Yet what do you do? Try to lessen my efforts by-

“Sorry? Look, I could kiss you instead. That way, you may finally start believing that the love we share, expressed or not, could actually lead us to where and how we have always wanted to be. Aboard the TARDIS, together.”

Oh, yes. Allow me to be the one initiating the kiss, Dame Rose Tyler?

Rose grinned. With pleasure, Sir Doctor!

The kiss the Doctor has given her has been a revelation of feelings suppressed for so long he has almost forgotten how it felt to let them free.

Rose, I must have been making the same mistake over and over again. I should have been-

The Time Lady smiled at him kindly. I think you should probably kiss me just like that, without  any unwanted thoughts entering your mind. Can you do it?

For you, Rose Tyler, I can do anything, the Doctor sent her.

She beamed at him. “I know!”

The smile which followed bore so many feelings inside it that the sudden need to kiss him again has become an almost painful necessity for Rose. Maybe this time, everything was going to work out without complications?

Rose. My Rose.

She kissed him tenderly, still afraid their love story was nothing but a dream, with the Doctor only accepting her back because he felt guilty.

Don't you ever think that, Rose. I may have trouble expressing my feelings, that's true. But you must know what you are to me!

“I do.”

“Maybe we should do nothing but kiss for hours, knowing we have missed so many chances to?” Rose suggested.

“Sounds brilliant, Rose!”

She sent him a small smile, never forgetting it could only be an effect of their visit to the blondes-hating planet.

The Doctor sent her a passionate look. My Rose. Allow me to-

She did, self-consciously keeping the attempted snogs relatively timid.

The Time Lord was puzzled. “Is this your way of punishing me?” He understood he wouldn't even be surprised.

Rose exhaled. No. Not at all.

The Doctor thought it best to allow Rose to continue, but she didn't say another word.

What is it, Rose? He wanted to know, no matter what the reason for her uncertainties may have been.

I can't talk about it.

The Doctor wasn't giving in. Why? 

I know I wouldn't be able to resist you otherwise, Rose spilt out emotionlessly. 

He smiled at her. Funny. Do you know how many hours, days, months I have spent imagining us together? Every day, every night, only us.

The TARDIS let out a displeased sound, but the Doctor didn't react to it, too involved in admitting something beautiful to the woman he loved.

Dame Rose and Sir Doctor, sharing kisses and touches freely, whenever-

She inhaled, sending him his favourite tongue-touched grin.

“Are you sure this was it?”

“No. Of course not,” he blushed. “I may have had some, er, fantasies about you, the woman I was ready to do anything for.”

Rose blinked at him, the past tense used in his words terrifying her.

The Doctor realised his mistake. “With you here, I no longer need to fantasise,” he explained uncomfortably.

She smiled at him. “Nobody forbids you to.”

“We are Time Lords. We should know how to stop ourselves.”

Rose smiled at him wryly. “Tough! If the last of the Time Lords says so, who am I to object?”

The Doctor understood she was expecting something from him. “You know I’m no longer the last of the Time Lords. Does your being a Time Lady change anything?”

“How should I know?”

He chuckled. “Sounds fair. But you must have already noticed some difference, something your human self hasn’t had a chance to experience, yes?”

She exhaled. “Other than being afraid to move and accidentally invoke a flood of could have beens? Nope.”

The Doctor pulled her into an embrace, worried. “You will learn to live with it, I promise! Soon, you won’t even notice it without concentrating on that thing in particular!” He spoke passionately.

“Aren’t you only being optimistic?”

“I know it. First-hand, as it comes!”

Rose shrugged. “You already are a Time Lord. I-”

“The first thing you should do is stop doubting yourself, Rose! You are perfect, never forget that!”

Rose bit her lip. “But something could be done to make the ever-present possibilities everywhere disappear? I don’t know if I could take such an amount of information into my mind.”

The Doctor calmed her down with a touch of her hand. “It’s nowhere as scary as it looks. It’s almost like learning to talk, to walk, to run.”

Rose welcomed his efforts, but was terrified. “I am… have just been human. I don’t see how-” 

The Time Lord smiled. I have been waiting for this. Rose’s changed nature, still so raw and without any fully-mastered protective shields, at least when the TARDIS wasn’t there to help her, with the times of them sharing their deepest thoughts with each other, has allowed them to welcome the other’s mind inside theirs in a blink.

Rose couldn’t see it, too involved in keeping the wandering thoughts at bay to notice.

Rose. The Doctor’s voice inside her mind has made her return to herself.

She inhaled, backing away. I really don’t think we should. Not right now. Not right away. Rose didn’t want to admit that this new life, while wonderfully exciting, was terrifying her much more than she tried to convince herself it did.

Chapter Text

Previously…

She inhaled, backing away. I really don't think we should. Not right now. Not right away. Rose didn't want to admit that this new life, while wonderfully exciting, was terrifying her much more than she tried to convince herself it did.

Persistence

Chapter Fourteen

“Of course, Rose. Of course. I will wait for as long as you need me to.” The Doctor didn't show his displeasure, fully aware the drastic changes within her needed time to be truly accepted and appreciated. Something as ordinary as his wishes could be ignored in front of an occurrence as majestic as a change of species.

“You must know I'm always here to help you, Rose!”

“I know!” Even if there are things you won't give me. Words you won't say.

The Doctor gulped. I'm sorry. So sorry! 

She exhaled. “Are you sure being sorry is enough at this point?”

“Yes. For me, it is,” the alien spoke passionately.

Rose didn't feel like responding. She should have known falling for someone unable to reciprocate could never end well. Heck, even Mickey had warned her about that! She exhaled, ready to face everything, no matter how unpleasant it might get.

The Doctor was concerned. Rose was supposed to react angrily or to at least throw some kind of a bitter remark his way! He hated not knowing whatever’s happened.

Rose?

“Eh?”

“Shouldn’t you be upset with me, considering?”

She sighed. “Honestly? I’m tired of pretending. You know what I have always wanted us to be and your preferences differ drastically from mine. Please, let everything be as it is now.”

The Doctor paled. “Is this how you want it?”

“You know that's not it.”

Je t'aime. Ti amo. “These won't do, will they?”

Rose blinked at him, surprised. “It's the same phrase in different languages.”

“Exactly! But you won't accept them coming from me, simply because-”

“You can't know that!” She shouted, feeling annoyed. “I may not have received my A-levels, but that doesn't mean I'm an idiot.”

The Doctor gulped. “I don't deserve you, Rose Tyler. Nobody does.”

“How brilliant you're stuck with me, then!”

“Oh, yes!” The Doctor's honest excitement made her shrug.

“Does this amuse you?”

“Oh, just stop it, please. I know what needs to be done and I intend to show it to you, Rose Tyler!”

She could feel his excitement and grinned at him, not sure what to expect.

The Doctor began talking to her in Gallifreyan. Rose gasped. Her mind kept telling her she didn’t understand a word in this unfamiliar language and shouldn’t get so unimaginably excited, but some inner part of her understood every word said. The tender language seemed to enchant her and Rose Tyler realised she wasn't entirely ready for it and shook her head, backing away.

“I love you, too. But I'd rather wait for until you finally manage to word your feelings without coating them in this miraculous language of yours.”

The Doctor stared at her, feeling puzzled and kind of hurt. He had just said some of the most heartfelt things to Rose, some of these not even having an equivalent in the English language!”

“What if I never do? What if fully and properly expressing my feelings for you won't ever happen?”

“I'll learn to live without it,” she shrugged, her eyes sad. She could pretend it didn’t affect her. The girl was determined to, but the Doctor could see the Time Lady through.

Will you?

“I- I won't talk about it,” Rose dismissed his question.

The Doctor pulled her to himself, determined. “We must. I won't let go of you until this matter is settled!”

Rose gaped at him. “Are you this upset I didn't listen to your monologue in its entirety?”

He exhaled. How little did she know of his language and of what employing it in that tense situation actually meant…

“That's not- It was not- that's not what it was!”

“Tough! I don't understand one word in Gallifreyan.”

The Doctor knew not understanding the language hasn't been the case. “Ah. That. I am more than willing to teach you,” he spoke softly, not intending to let go of her. Rose's primary reaction to his words had been so honest, so pure! This time, she wasn't eager to move away from his embrace and that felt like a start of a new beginning.

Tell me, Rose. Tell me everything you feel. The good things. The bad things. Everything.

The companion shook her head, afraid the Doctor might find ways to make use of her words further on, even if his previous admissions suggested otherwise. “Nope. I think we have shared enough of our hidden feelings for one day, hm?”

“Rose!"  Rose… Won't you ever forgive me my misstep?

She exhaled. Which ones do you have in mind?

“Stop it!” The Doctor gulped. “I don't know how else I could say sorry to you. I'm ready to give you anything and everything! I have shown you some of the things no other person has ever or will ever see! Don't you think having allowed you into my mind has already made me more vulnerable than-”

Rose exhaled slowly. “I know and appreciate it, my Doctor. Do you think I could ever forget what you keep doing to make me feel-”

Do you know bringing you inside that planet has always been my intention? Heck, Rose, I have been expecting for them to somehow bring us closer together and never find a way to undo it? Now, with the planet soon to be destroyed, no-one could take this deep connection away from us. 

Rose paled, then blushed. He has done it all intentionally! She realised it didn't even surprise her. 

“Okay.”

“What do you mean? Are you not upset? Angry?”

“You have done it all for me, yeah? How could I be angry?”

The alien sighed in relief. “Thank you.” He didn't want to tell her too much, but his excitement was shining through. Maybe this time, he would even manage to tell her these silly three words… The Doctor knew Rose understood his reluctance, but she was aching to hear the words uttered and he knew he needed to finally say it.

“Er… Rose, I-”

Chapter Text

Previously…

“Er…Rose, I-”

Persistence

Chapter Fifteen

Rose froze, never truly knowing what the Doctor's changing moods may bring her this time.

The alien understood now has been the time to face the music. 

“I've been a bloody fool! An idiot! Even my brilliance didn't help, I’m so sorry- I have planned it all. Have made sure our connection won't ever fade! With some help from aside, of course,” he blushed.

Why? Rose was afraid to hear his response, likely one of his indecisive and uncertain ones.

“I love you, that's why! Want to have you by my side forever!”

Rose burst into tearful laughter.

“Rose? Love?” the Doctor sent her a worried look. Maybe he has spoken too soon?

“Doctor…”

“Rose?”

The companion didn’t waste another second, pulling the Doctor into a snog, one answered eagerly by the Time Lord. 

Soon, they were both lost inside the world of timid sensual almost there pleasure neither of them understood they'd needed all this time.

The Doctor exhaled, letting go of her embrace unwillingly. He needed to have her close, but one question has been nagging him for way too long and now, when the words have finally been said…

“Tell me, how much longer seems like a sufficient amount of waiting to you?”

“Waiting for what?” Rose asked innocently. She didn't want to believe the Doctor would hurry up with the matters a lot of human men favoured above all else. Besides, hasn't she been secretly waiting for this long due confession of his for years? Hasn't falling into bed after such an admission of feelings been a natural outcome, at least in poor romantic fiction Jackie told her she despised, yet secretly adored?

“Rose, I want to do everything to make you happy. I’m ready to apologise for my mistakes for as long as-”

Do, she surprised him. Tell me you're sorry yet again.

Funnily, she had been so set up on hearing those three magical words the actually important things had become barely noticeable.

The Doctor was incredibly uncomfortable. He believed nothing he intended to do was ever going to redeem his mistake. “Oh, Rose. Could I, I don't know-”

“I imagine you’ll need much more than this,” she said seriously, yet her eyes were sparkling. “Clearly, making up for every single teardrop I have shed because of you is out of the question. But you should, could-” 

The Doctor smiled at her uncertainly. No matter what it is. I’ll do anything. Anything.

Rose understood she was about to fall for his assurances all over again. Kiss me, Rose asked. They have been through so much together. Some agreements needed to be reached for their relationship to prosper, but sometimes, it's been too hard to let go of the constant denial and ignorance from the Doctor. Who could guarantee his mood wasn't going to change any second now?

The Doctor smiled. Allow me, my love.

Rose didn't object to his trying kisses, but didn't answer them.

He eyed her curiously. Is everything all right, my love? 

She inhaled. Yes. Don't mind me. I love you. Want to be with you, crave to kiss you whenever, just give me a little more time!

The Doctor was gaping after her like a fish. After he has finally admitted his feelings, Rose has gone away from him, why should she do that? He imagined she has gone to her room and he knew visiting his conpanions’ chambers has been a huge no-no, it has always been a rule set up since the moment someone new, usually a companion, has begun travelling aboard with him.

However, with Rose Tyler, everything has been completely different. Her visiting his room, no matter how well-hidden from his companions he has thought it to be. The TARDIS has always allowed Rose to find his room. Never to his other companions. It seemed only Rose Tyler has been allowed to see some of his mostly well-kept secrets. And still, Rose has shown him she could ease his concerns and worries by simply being here, her supportive smile making his distress fade away. 

But he didn't dare to call his beloved back to himself. Up until the old girl has told him he absolutely should. Right away.

Rose exhaled, unable to contain herself. She couldn't stay in the same room with him, could she? Not at that moment. A new start in their relationship? Luckily, the closest door has been the one to her room. Feeling completely safe here, she burst into tears. The Doctor, instead of asking her why, has simply allowed her to go away.

Rose didn't dare to imagine he would think of entering her room without a reason. It was likely he would come up with a billion of excuses why he couldn't.

However, she was mistaken. Her Doctor has been waiting for her inside her room without a word.

“Rose… I couldn't wait any longer.” He saw traces of tears on her face and kissed them away, not asking what had happened. The Doctor knew.

Let's return to our room. If you're up for it. If not, we can always stay here, my darling…

“Doctor,” she uttered his name quietly, yet it sounded like a teasing complaint. “You should never enter a girl's room without knocking first.”

“Tough! You keep entering mi- ah, yes. You are free to do whatever you choose on board, my Rose! The TARDIS is at your disposal,” he smiled. “Our TARDIS!”

The girl inhaled. “I know. My Doctor!” Rose didn't object to being led by him to the room she realised she has known more of than the Doctor.

It seemed the old girl hasn't been into watching them taking one step forwards and two steps backwards this time, or at any time in future. Not when she realised so much has already been done. Even love confessions had been uttered!

Kiss her, idiot. Or should I say- a Gallifreyan insult followed. They have both been behaving like two young teenagers in love and the old girl adored that. But they couldn't be alive solely on uncertain kisses, ones that they might have postponed for only Rasillon knew how long…