Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Karin pov
Sasuke... He didn’t get out of the building we stay for almost 4 days, he either doesn’t talk or just say a few words like “I’m okay.” or “I already ate.”. Nobody in three of us bealive what he says but we don’t know what to do either. He was never like that. Yes, I do remember the times he is sad, angry. I do remember times he did things that I don’t think I would ever be completly forgive him but this, this...

I don’t know why but it hurts more than when he destroyed himself with anger. Again he was never empty, he always had another motive, another reason to live: his clan, his brother, the village... But now it looks like he has nothing going on, always looking at outside.

Now we need to go out again to get some food, Suigetsu still tries make him came with us “C’mon, you are not gonna sit all day on your ass while we do all the work.”
He doesn’t even answer, just looks at the void.
“You know what, this team and this leader was a mistake. I should never join you guys.”

Well. Despite hating him with all my heart, I know he is not serious; I know if Sasuke would decied to do a sucide mission he would came with his own knife, maybe would joke about how dumb Sasuke is or how he thinks we would do everything he told us to do but he would still be with us. Me and Juugo wouldn’t even discuss. He would just give a nod while I would try to hit on Sasuke for one last time. Giving one last shot haha.
That doesn’t change the fact I’m mad at him for what he just said. There is things you should say and you shouldn’t.

Just when I was about to punch him, Juugo intervenes “Well you still can, but you don’t.”
My punch still hits him anyway, but at least I could saw his shamed face before it all became water. Instead of yelling back at me as usual, just moved to some other place.
“I can’t.” He says before leaving, very silence but I think we all heard it. Juugo leaves after him.
I wait for a moment to looks Sasuke. “Please, just eat something.”
...He doesn’t answer me.

Suigetsu pov

I know, I know I shouldn’t say that. But I bealived in him. I actually thought he could had done something to this shitty place we live in. After all the thinks we did for him.
And I do know that I’m not a good person; I do love killing, maybe a little sadistic and neither Karin is ,Juugo might be better than us maybe but would he even go out of that cage without him , but the think is that I felt a hope after all this years: Years I spent with Orochimaru maybe even before that. I actually thought we could live in somewhere better.

And now he is just... Empty. And I hate this. At first I thought I hated him for giving up on everything like that, then I noticed my anger is not to him. I cared about him, a lot more than you would just feel towards your leader. Maybe I didn’t want this but my anger was because I couldn’t do anything while he let himself rotten in that old, rusty building.
Maybe I lost chance to get a better world and that’s okay, I always lived in a world that sucks ass, but can’t do anything while he dries like a flower, that’s the part that drives me crazy.
And there is annoying pinkie and blondie too. Acting like staying at village is actually good for Sasuke. Their face when Sasuke chosed to go out of village with us was unforgetabble. I’m still angry to remember those. The way pinkie cries and tell Sasuke how much he hurts her -Karin literally went insane when that happend juugo was barely able to hold her back- and blond, that fucking blond. He had guts to say we manipulate Sasuke to stay away from him. Only think stoped me from punching that guy was the way Sasuke looked at him, it was like I don’t know it was just something that is just pure.
He told blondie that, he doesn’t deserve to live here after all he did. I don’t think he bealives that, he just tell that to go away without making that guy sad. But I do think he does think he bealives he does not deserve to live, after couldn’t make Itachi’s final wish. I don’t think he would ever atack there either, again for Itachi. So he torture himself in some kind of way. Itachi... I hate that guy so much but I would never say something about that. He is just a dumb bitch but it looks like he also is Sasuke’s last stable nail in his brain and he wants to bealive he did nothing wrong.
Pretty sure only reason he didn’t killed himself is just he doesn’t want us to be sad. And blondie too.

And with all I just stood there. Go get some food. With the rest of my sad, pitiful team mates. Then go back to that rusty building, ironic that we are getting rotten and sad as much that shitty place.

Juugo pov

Sasuke was already sleeping when we came back, or at least act like he is. We go to sleep too, nobody has a want to do another thing. Well maybe I do because I’m still awake, I need to feed the animals. While one of the birds eats from my palm, I watch them. Suigetsu is at floor and Karin is at little sofa, we don’t sleep in same bed with Sasuke anymore. At first it was just for a while, giving him space after all that happend but now it just makes everyone even more sad. Not just see but also feel how cold and empty he is.

I watch Sasuke too, I always loved watching him sleep. At first it was just because he remainds me of Kimimaro. But then I noticed how his face softens when he sleeps, he looked beautiful, calm. Even when I thought he completly gone his face was always calm when he sleeps, his body would relax and he would look so peacefull.

Now he always looks like he is about to die, there is huge black bags, his body never relax.

Food on my palm is finished. Maybe I should sleep too.
I can’t help myself but miss sleeping with Sasuke. It started when we had to stay at cheap places or obended buildings where there is barely space to sleep. Karin and Suigetsu were always fighting about who is gonna sleep with Sasuke, so he just said there is enough space for all of us. When I said I would be too big and make everyone more uncomfortable he just told me then all of us would sleep at floor. First night was not exactly good, I had no problems but Sui and Karin were always kicking each other. At some point Sasuke said if they would not behave me and him would share the bed and those two would sleep at floor at diffrent sides of wall. After that we just had a way. I would lay Sasuke would sleep towards me, Karin would hug him from behind and Suigetsu would be up of Sasuke. It was somehow comfortable.

Maybe that’s why I go to Sasuke now instead of sleeping at floor. I quietly lay next to him and put my arm around him. I was afraid of scaring him or wake him up but he didn’t. He quietly melted in my hug, I thought there was a few drops of tears from my eyes when I felt his body relax and his face has a peacefull look...

Karin pov

Well I wouldn’t go far as saying everything is amazing. But since we got back to sleep with him the drowning mood got away. Sasuke still refuses to got out but he finally eats. Not much, light things and only when we all look at him but he eats. Which is good.

...

Who am I kidding. I was happy that he start eating but there is nothing more. He still just looks at the void. At least his eye bags are gone. I guess.
Maybe he start getting better sleep and eating made our hopes so high, we got so disapointed.

He is better but that doesn’t mean he is close to being okay.
At least he lets Juugo to take care of him. See Juugo bridecarries Sasuke to little metal container we use as bath could had been so cute back then but now it just looks like Sasuke is another animal he takes care of.

I still had to kick Suigetsu’s ass -whoever said you can’t kick water is a liar- out of container because of course he decied to be there.
Suigetsu pov

There is a few person I’m gonna hate until the day I die and that snake and his four eyed bitch are at the top.
And the think about my hate about them is that I couldn’t do something about them. We can’t get some rice from the small village we live close without getting weird looks because some so called “ex-shinobi” said we are a bunch of terrorists while that snake can go around and make his human experiments. I killed the 3th hokage who? We really should had been kill all of those guys. I mean it.

And for last of my hate about him is that he always knows what to offer you. Which also happens right now.

We shouldn’t had been follow him to his new “lab” but again he knows what to offer you.
“Hmmmmmm.... Ssssssooo Ssssasuke-kun is wasting his young beautifullll body.”

Fucking creepy old man. Being the creep he is.
I can see Juugo sits closer to Karin, almost hiding behind her. See a huge man hides like a little kitten...
I really hate that fuckass snake.
“We had this conversation before. That’s why we are here, just tell us what you offer to us.”
He chuckles at this, or the closest thing he can come to it. His eyes are sharp “You should be paitent. Didn’t I teached you this?”

YOU DIDN’T TEACH ME A SHI-
Karin grabs my wrists so hard they probably bruise. Even thought I do not love it, message is clear “Sit still, do not cause problem we are here for Sasuke.”

“Ha ha, you three is cute as when I found you...”
Yeah when you found us when we were like 12 at most. Bitch.

“Just tell us why you invite us and what you can do for Sasuke.” I won't admit it on my deathbed, but sometimes I have to be thankful for Karin's composure.

“Karin. My beautiful student, glad to see I at least teached you some manner.”
I can see Karin's eye twitching, but she doesn't show it too much.

That snake laughs again “Okay, okay don’t get mad you all. I will tell now, actually Karin it is going to be a really special new to you.”

This is not gonna end up good.

Juugo pov

I-I- that was not what I expect. We are at the way that goes house and none of us talked a word. We do not talk a lot when Sasuke is not there but this. This is just silence, I can hear the sound of soft grass being crushed.

Karin looks horrified. Her arms are wrapped around her body as if to protect herself. And I understand that or I can’t because what would I do if Iearned my eggs were fertilized in a laboratory with the sperm of someone I cared about very much and I found out that I had a child.

That man is... Really a monster.
A monster who knows how to sell his product.

His talk is still in my ear, the way he talks. The way he chuckle. Hissing sounds coming from him when he talks. But most of all, the topic of conversation.
“Well Sasuke-kun is a pretty family focused creature isn’t he? His whole motivations. Wouldn’t you think he would start to move that beautiful body again when he heard a baby Uchiha. Not just that, would he let a baby live with me? Hmmmmmm?”

He said he would give us time to think, I think he just wanted to see us in more pain.

When Karin finally spoked and said we should told Sasuke this, neither me or Sui answered. It felt like a decision she should make.
Rest of the way was silence as it was before but before we enter house Sui turned to Karin. He looks uncomfortable “Look, if you don’t want that, it’s- it’s okay.”

Karin avoided his gaze “I can’t let him dry like that... Orochimaru is right about something.”

We didn’t said anythink after that, we let Karin say that.
.
Sasuke said something that is not “I ate” “I slept” in a long time.
“Baby..?” His almond eyes rounded in shock, his mouth turning into a small "o".

He didn’t talked after that in whole night but maybe I just trick myself but I swear I saw a shine in his eyes...

Karin Pov

Maybe it’s bad I actually don’t want that thing. Since it has to be my child..?
I couldn’t lie about this to Sasuke but I still want to bealive he wouldn’t want it either.
When we arive old house hear him say that he doesn’t wamt that thing. Maybe I should be hopefull about he actually having some happiness or life but I do not want it, or at least this way...

But when we go back. Sasuke is not where he lays. I can’t exaplein the panic we had. What could happen. Did he went to Orochimaru? Or maybe that rats from Konoha come to get him? Or-

I am suddenly distracted by the sound of falling, when we open the door Sasuke is there.
We are so used to him lay down there, expect when Juugo wants to bath him, that it never even occurred to us that he could get up.
He is at kitchen of the house -which we almost never used, we are used to make rice at camp fire also there is no fire there either, it’s an old house- trying to pick up some boxes he droped. Seeing him struggling to lift a few boxes makes you realise how thin he has become.

“Sasuke..?”
He looks suprised when he saw us. Then he goes back to what he was doing.
“A baby can’t live a place like that.” Only think he says for next a few hours while he tries to clean and fix this place...

How should I feel?

Chapter Text

Suigetsu pov

Dude. I mean I’m happy as hell but see Sasuke gets crazy on housework fells so weird. He never cared about what kind of place we stay but suddenly he turned into most tidy person ever.

Yesterday he asked us to fix doors. So we are doing that.

Not gonna lie I actually love this change we actually has things to do expect just go out to buy some food. Also it turns out Sasuke remembers a few foods his mom used to make and I don’t think I enjoyed a home made food in years. It was just some miso soup, fish and rice but it was good. When we were travel we just ate to stay alive, I won’t call them bad but they were not like this. Sitting on a table together, in a kitchen.

Maybe I would buy him a stupid apron to make fun with him hehe.
“What you are grinning at stupid shark.” Karin looks at me with suspicion

My grin probably got even bigger “Wouldn’t Sasuke look good with some cute aprons, don’t you think so? Maybe a little bit of a frilly on-“

And that hammer in my head. Karin looks red as her hair heheheh.

“Hmmm, be would look cute...” Juugo says while Karin is still hammering me.

Karin stops hammering me and looks at him thoughtfully “It would actually... Also since he cooks it might be helpfull too.”

Oh come on. I might do it to annoy you but you don’t need to agree him now. It’s my idea. “YOU JUST THREW A HAMMER AT ME FOR SAYING THIS”
She ignored me.

“Do you guys know baby’s gender?”
Sasuke asks, hard to tell but there is some expression on his face that can be read as hope.

And I also noticed we only told Orochimaru we would take the baby and run fast as we can without even asking any questions about it.
Parents of the year huh.
Juugo and Karin seem to have noticed this too. They both look as embarrassed and ashamed as I do.
“Uhhhhh...”

Sasuke doesn’t seem to care “Well if it is a boy I thinked about naming him Itachi. I wanted you to know that. I didn’t want to chose that without telling you, especially Karin. After all, you have as much say in this matter as I do.”

Oh shit. Please let that baby be a girl. PLEASE
No matter what Sasuke says I do not like that guy. Others also look a little weird, we never talked about that but I know they also feel like that about him.

Also Karin barely accepts that baby so she looks even more uncomfortable after Sasuke said she has right on that name much as him.

“Sure... I mean. But wouldn’t that make it hard for you to exaplein when he asks where his name came from?”

“Hmm...” He quietly returned to the meal. Probably thinking about how much he would tell the baby.

We returned too and DAMN that oyakodon is good. I’m almost about to get mad at Sasuke for not cooking good things for us while travel. He looks damn cute while cooking too.
...
AM I TURNING TO KARIN?! OH PLEASE NO!

Juugo Pov

Sasuke looks like an eagle making a nest. He collects and place things. We already know he enjoys to sew but lately he makes a lot of things like little blankets, baby clothes, he actually did a few new things for us too. Even after getting out of cage there was not much of clothes I can wear that fits me good but the one I have right now even has a little bird motif close to my chest.

He also start wearing that apron we bought to him. Not a frilly pink one though- Karin tried to tear Suigetsu apart just for suggesting it- it is a light a little brownish blue. I think he liked it because he almost wear that all time.
Karin literally went crazy when we got home and saw him wearing this for the first time.

“SASUKEEE! YOU LOOK SO CUTEEEEE!” She hugged him back so fast that she almost dropped her glasses. Sui also went to hug them, of course under the pretext of "preventing Karin from being too naughty with Sasuke".
I didn’t had a pretext like him, I just went there and hug them. It just feels so nice to have him with us like that after that months.

Maybe Sui and Karin didn’t saw but I noticed he had a little smile too.

Karin Pov

We are at Orochimaru’s “lab” again. This time to get that thing...
Karin you shouldn’t call that baby a thing.
But I can’t. Ughhh it’s not even about me. I mean it kinda is but it’s not like they are gonna force me to be a mother.
But I will know.
...
“What makes you so sssssssad my beautiful student?”
I can hear the joy in that damn man's voice.
He knows what makes me think, actually that’s the worst think about him. He knows you. He knows what to say to you. He knows what would upset you. He knows what would calm you. He knows everything. Even thought you don’t want it at all.
When you were with him you would never have any individuality, everything would be under his knowledge.

That was a nightmare and I know that baby is also one of his plans to keep us under his palm.

He giggles at me.
“Also I thought you would love to know, it’s a beautiful baby girl.”
...
I hate that fucking smile.