Chapter Text
He knew they were up to something. He creeps along the tunnel gleefully, aware that this is their big secret. Nobody believed him when he prodded and asked if anyone else shared his view that the Marauders had a massive secret.
No, their secrets were their pranks, that's all.
Severus knew better. They weren’t fun pranksters. They were mean and dreadful and needed to be pulled down a peg. The school deserved to see the real side of them.
He creeps forward, careful as he reaches a small entrance closed by a wooden panel.
Time of truth.
He exits and is surprised when he enters an old house. The furniture is in disarray and he isn’t sure where exactly he is.
It is eerily quiet. He carefully looks around. He is alone. No matter. He will catch them. Just need to be careful.
Sneaking carefully was his expertise. He had to sneak around his father and he knew how to walk carefully on the creaking floor.
He goes onwards, into the hallway. There is noise coming from upstairs and he grins.
He follows the noise.
There is an almost growling sound along with scratching against the wooden panels and he wonders at it. Did they capture a beast of some sort? Illegal perhaps? That would be precious. Even worthy of expulsion.
He is growing more and more pleased at the idea and he approaches the far end room where the growling comes from. Strange. The shoes sit lonesomely at the corner by the door.
Nevermind.
He opens the doors and looks in.
His heart leaps in his throat when yellow eyes find his.
In that split second, terror prevails.
No beast.
A werewolf.
He snaps the doors shut and runs .
The growling increases and he is just started on the staircase when the doors slam and he hears paws scratch against the wood in pursuit.
No, no! He jumps the last two steps and dashes at the doors he finds. They smack open and he leaves the house into the night, running hard and fast.
He can’t think from terror, eyes focused on just running quick enough, fast enough and-
Something slams into him, hard . He is knocked into the ground.
A growling sound at his back.
No!
He crawls for his wand that he dropped, heart hammering as claws tear at his robes. The growling increases and the stench hits him than. Awful, pungent smell and the growling is right there .
Fear increases into pure terror.
Than the weight is off of him and he is frozen for a moment before flipping.
Under the light of the moon he sees a stag, strong and powerful, pushing at the werewolf,forcing him away from Severus.
Heart hammering, he scrambles and runs. He doesn’t have his wand and it is so hard to see. He tries to look back and trips. He falls, falling to the side and rolling.
Pain pierces and he just knows he can easily break his spine now.
He needs to survive.
He whites out.
***
“ I regret it,” the cold voice of the Dark Lord speaks and he is terrified.
Nagini’s fang pierce into him with white hot pain and he collapses. He feels his magic push at the poison, but the snake is magical and powerful and the poison sweeps through his blood mercilessly.
He is left alone.
The last he sees is green eyes of Harry Potter as he gives him the information he promised Albus he will.
Lily
***
Severus shoots up in sheer terror, breathing fast.
It takes a moment to realise he is in the hospital wing and it is the middle of the night.
His arms and face are banged and it is silent. Almost all beds are empty except one in the far corner, closed with curtains.
His heart is still hammering and he slowly gets out of bed, the cold of the stone grounding him in reality.
What was that?
Visions of the future? He had seen his life play out, grotesque and depressive.
He can’t wrap his head about it. They were so vivid, so real.
He moves on shaky limbs to the toilet and turns on the light. His face is young and terrified as he looks at himself.
There is no one bothering him and his neck is free of the bite.
He was a spy. A warrior. A double agent. A hidden weapon.
Lily died. Regulus died. So many. Albus…
Severus stares. He died.
He never had premonitions before like some did. Was it just a bad dream?
The encounter with Remus Lupin almost seemed miles away.
He shuffles back to his bed, feeling cold, cold to the smallest cell in his body. It takes a long, long time to fall asleep.
***
Dumbledore visits him the next morning.
He owns a life debt to James Potter. It stings somewhat horribly at him, just like it always did in his vision.
“My boy, I must ask, if you wish to remain, to give me an unbreakable vow that you won’t speak of what happened or what condition Remus Lupin has.” It fits with the visions, this exact encounter.
Severus looks at him blankly. This man. I killed you, he thinks. You defend Gryffindors despite what they tried to do.
“Sirius Black tried to kill me,” he says, voice raw.
“He made a grave mistake and he will face severe punishment for it.”
“Will he be expelled?” Severus inquires.
“A mistake he regrets,” Albus adds. “He will serve detention for the rest of the term.”
Severus looks away, hurt and angry at the pass. He bet if he did similar, he would be packing that afternoon. After all, his punishment for not complying will be expulsion.
The visions still churn through him, they were so vivid, like he could touch them. He looks back at the Headmaster.
“You would expel me, but not an attempted murderer?” Severus asks quietly. “I made a mistake as well. To trust you.”
He doesn’t feel like himself. The rage is cold, refined. He is used to it burning.
“If you expel me, the world will know who Remus Lupin is. And he can thank his friend for that.”
Albus takes a long time to look at him, looking highly disappointed with him. Once upon a time, a day ago, that would cow him into submission.
He remembers the pain of cruciatus and the sting of poisons. He realises with cold resignation, as the visions play harshly in his mind's eye, staring at Dumbledore’s unyielding eyes, he can survive. He can be expelled. He will take his tests with the ministry on his own. He can do it. He just doesn’t want to.
He didn’t want this knowledge.
But he can. The conviction makes him stare back.
He can feel the probe into his mind and he breaks eye contact, raising clumsy shields.
“Don’t!” He demands harshly, feeling his heart thunder.
He doesn’t dare look at the Headmaster directly, but he can see the frown pulling at his mouth and his wand between his hands.
“I can’t force you,” Dumbledore says finally.
That’s right, you can’t, Severus thinks.
“I can only ask you not to ruin the life of an innocent for revenge.”
Severus frowns. It is unfortunate, but he knows well that Lupin had a difficult life. Not that it really exempts him, but his life after Hogwarts was pitiful.
If the visions were true. But he has a deep feeling they were. There is truth to them that surpasses anything. They were as intimate as his magic.
“I won’t tell if they don’t provoke me,” he says, snippily, wanting to punish Dumbledore as well. He defended them so abhorrently and left Severus in the dust. But it was Severus who he came to rely the most at, wasn't it?
“If the rumour starts that Remus Lupin has an infliction, it will result in his life being very different.”
“He was bit as a child, wasn’t he?” Severus asks quietly. He pretends he is guessing though the visions provided an answer. “Poor him. What about the rest of us? With difficult parents and no opportunities? Are you not going to save us all?”
He dares to glare at Dumbledore for only a second before quickly looking away. “I won’t tell if he and Black apologizes," he says finally.
“A fair request,” Dumbledore says. “Get some rest now, Mr. Snape.”
Severus closes his eyes. He felt old and raw for some reason. He wanted to cry. He raises his occlumency shields and suffocates his emotions.
***
He is released soon enough and he dresses, studying his pitiful robes. He was always aware he was poor. He hated it. But he never truly noticed the state of them until now.
Since entering Hogwarts, he was too preoccupied with learning magic. It was his greatest joy. It made him forget many things and to not pay attention to them.
Ironically, it wasn’t until he saw Lucius Malfoy dancing with his betrothed, Narcissa Black, that he realised the beauty of one's appearance. He always thought Lily was beautiful, but in a way one sees a beautiful sunset. You admire and you never hope to reach it.
Lucius, who recruited him, who tolerated him. Severus truly believed it to be friendship. He only later realised in his visions how crafty Lucius was. He saw Severus' talent and he didn’t mind scruffy second hand robes and poor appearance to utilise it for himself.
He woke up that morning feeling more like an older man than a child. It was like the vision settled and he was having them more like memories. He never felt like a child until now, always thinking himself mature. Now, he can tell clear distinction.
He leaves the hospital wing and he is attuned to his surroundings more, be it paranoia or newfound knowledge. He takes a round about way through hidden corridors and sees the Marauders minus Lupin, frowning and whispering as they pass the corridor.
They looked unhappy.
Severus stares at them, feeling disdain for them before sneering and moving to the third floor.
He enters the kitchen of Hogwarts and asks for a light breakfast. Then he goes to his dorm and picks up his books. His classmates were at breakfast already.
He wants to skip class today.
He shoulders his books and grabs his schedule.
Transfiguration first thing in the morning. With Gryffindors.
He enters the class, seats himself at his usual and gets himself a parchment.
He enchants it, making it look like he is scribbling nonsensical notes.
Money
Mother
Avoid recruitment
Mastery of potions
He stares at the list. His goals changed. He wanted power and recognition, believing it was the way through the Dark Lord.
Now… things have changed.
He feels eyes on him from the Gryffindor side during class. After it, he gets a note to go to the Headmaster’s office.
He takes a roundabout way, not wishing to walk with the two Marauders who he shared class with.
When he does arrive, Remus, shaky and pale and Sirius, angry and glaring, are already there.
Severus takes a seat next to them, blank faced.
“Thank you for coming. Mr, Lupin and Mr. Black agreed to your request.”
Severus doesn’t meet the headmaster's eyes as he turns to face Black and Lupin.
“I am sorry,” Black grits out, glaring.
Remus looks more remorseful, not quite meeting his eyes. “I am so sorry, Snape.”
Severus nods, curtly. “Are we done?” He asks silkily.
“Your promise, Mr. Snape?"
“I won’t tell your disturbing secret, Lupin,” he says coldly, then finds Black’s eyes. “Though with friends such as yours, I am the least of your concern.”
Black stands up, fury in his face. Severus gives him a cold smile.
“Mr. Black, contain yourself,” Dumbledore says. “I expect you have all learned that animosity and rage can have dire, unwanted consequences.”
Severus stares at the portraits of past headmasters and wonders if he ever had one. Probably not. He was probably deleted from history. Not that it mattered. He won’t live that life again if it can be helped.
He sweeps out of the office the moment they are let go.
He is stalking down the hallway, feeling more like a professor than a student when -
“Padfoot, no!”
He turns mid stride and deflects the hex.
“Snivellious! If you speak-”
Severus casts a hex, quick and soundless, and Sirius is thrown in the air.
He stalks forward, meeting Sirius’ eyes. “You tried to kill me, Black. I won’t forget that,” he promises, quiet and angry. He sees Black’s eyes widen and Severus points his wand at him. “Leave me be from now on.”