Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They had been through their ups and downs. Mostly downs in the last, well, Lucy couldn’t even bring herself to do the math on that one. Most of her life. Hell, probably all of it, because she couldn’t remember being an infant, or before that. But some part of her knew, always that at least a sliver of her existence was unwanted, uninvited, unwelcome, it has just become more evident, more spoken in actions since she decided that she wanted to be a cop. Since she realised this was something that she could do, and that she was helpful to the people of Mid-Wiltshire and Los Angeles; it became a bit more vocal, and her dad had joined in on the disappointment train her mother happened to command.

Arguably, she’d done fine on her own. More than fine. Great. She was a sergeant in the LAPD, in charge of the dream team (it’s really not important why they called themselves that, right now) for a few months. She’d moved back to the day shift after a certain, brooding sergeant was hit by some falling rubble in the line of duty and had to take medical leave, then light administrative duties due to said shoulder injury. She had survived a serial killer putting her in a barrel in the middle of nowhere, and buried alive. Not to mention the fires, gunfire, explosions and stupidity of certain pathologically lying rookies. So, why was she completely stunned and mute when Kojo barked at the end of her and Tim’s bed on a random Sunday?

Lucy saw Tim attempt to bolt up to react to Kojo’s barking, and instantly regret the movement, followed by an incoherent sound. Kojo continued to bark, scrabbling to the front door in response to what sounded like constant knocking. Reluctantly, Lucy pulled herself out of the bed, gently patting Tim on the hand, so as to say, ‘no stay here, I got it’, grabbed Tim’s old metro t-shirt and slid it over her petite frame. She carefully, but quickly dodged the clothes around the bed, and padded along the hardwood floors to answer the door. Hair strewn everywhere. “Kojo, back.” She commanded, as Kojo relented, still barking, but moved to let her open the door. As the door swung open, hinges creaking, before even being able to comprehend any sound that came out in what was supposed to be a greeting, her blood ran cold, her mother standing there, arm raised to continue knocking incessantly.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vanessa stood, lowering her hand, raising her eyebrow at Kojo, who was growling now, and then moved to look at her daughter, hair strewn like she had just gotten up, unclothed, evidently wearing a man’s t-shirt that was way too oversized to fit her. “It’s eight thirty, why aren’t you dressed, Lucy?” She asked, feigning a slight chipper note in her voice. As if there were any indication why she was there. “You have a dog.” She quipped.

Lucy stood there for another couple of seconds, just trying to get her head around the scene in front of her, as her mother invited herself into the house. “Kojo, stop.” She managed, as Kojo looked at the two women for another second, then flopped down between his bed, and the entrance to the bedroom. “Good boy.”

“What, you’re not even going to say hello, invite me in?” Vanessa asked, glancing around the house.

“What are you doing here, Mom?” Lucy asked. “How did you even know I was here?”

“I stopped by your apartment, as it had been too long since we saw each other. Your, apparently former, roommate, Selena told me.” Vanessa answered, with an air of nonchalance. “She didn’t seem particularly happy to be interrupted-“

“Celina was probably about to go to bed, because- you know what, doesn’t matter.” Lucy shook her head, she wasn’t going to add more fuel to the fire, when it wouldn’t matter. “What are you doing here?” She raised her voice slightly, noting Kojo’s nails against the floorboards to enter the bedroom.

“Can’t a mother want to see her daughter on a Sunday?” Vanessa chirped. “You haven’t even asked about your father.”

Lucy rolled her eyes, pushing her hands against her face. “The last time I saw Dad, he gave no indication that either of you wanted to talk to me. What do you want?” She could hear Tim groaning in the next room, normally a sound she would welcome when her boyfriend decided to join the world, after her.

“He’s fine, as am I, even if you didn’t ask.” Vanessa quipped. She regarded, yet again her daughter’s taste in décor, even if it was mostly Tim’s furniture with colourful accent pillows and a blue woven throw draped over the back of the couch. She went to go to the console table now, looking at photos of Tim and Lucy, her daughter dressed in a green wrap dress, and Tim in a blue suit, surrounded by happy looking individuals. One photo of the two, and Kojo near a beach, looking awfully happy. Then a photo of just Lucy, holding a certificate, a couple of small patches that would then go on her uniform, and a man slightly behind her, looking prouder than either of her parents had ever looked at her. “So, you’re with someone?” Vanessa asked, as if that man was not standing near the doorway, his left shoulder covered in bandages wearing a concerned look on his face.

Tim didn’t say anything, just holding Kojo’s collar with his free arm as he sat between his legs, wearing some grey sweatpants he found on the floor. His eyes, hard, but his gaze softened looking at Lucy, waiting for her to react, say something, do something, enough to let her know he was there if she needed, but not intrusive enough to take over the situation.

Lucy ran her hands through her hair, gently, taking a moment to pause, glancing at Tim. She gave him a slight nod, not saying anything about her mother’s presence, she bit her lip, then nodded once more and turned to her mother. “I’m glad.” She said quickly.

Tim took one look at Lucy, knowing this was not the time to bring anything up, or jump to her defence, not when she seemed to be handling it. He could tell she was a couple of questions away from saying something, but he had known and been trained over years in the military, and as a police officer to not escalate a situation. “Mrs. Chen.” He greeted curtly, there was nothing sweet, or nice in his tone, if nothing it was the same way he greeted his boots. He moved slightly. “Kojo, outside.” He commanded softly, swiftly following Kojo to the back door, and joining him outside.

Vanessa nodded back at Tim, not saying a word, looking at him momentarily, before shifting her focus back to her daughter. She waited for a second, before Tim had left the vicinity. “You are sleeping with your training officer.” She observed.

“If there’s no reason for your visit, I really don’t see a reason for you to stay, Mom.” Lucy could see her mother’s mouth open to retaliate. “I’m fine. Better than fine. Good, actually.” She told her, moving slightly in hopes to move her mother closer to the door.

“I was disappointed you didn’t take the offer for the embryo freezing.” Vanessa said, her tone had changed, much more judgemental. That was it. “Even if you used it with him.”

Lucy took a deep breath, that was it. She was done holding back, done being a disappointment. “My body is my choice, and honestly, it’s not up to you what I do with it.” She said cooly. “He, Tim, that man, that I love with my whole heart, thank you for asking. Is my… you know what… that’s not what this is about.” She stammered. “What do you want? To go and get me to freeze my eggs so you can have grandchildren?” She practically yelled. “No.”

Vanessa stumbled slightly, seeing her daughter angry, not that this was the first time, but it made sense to her. “I’m not getting any younger, your father’s not getting any younger.” She pointed out. “You’re not getting any younger, and you could do so well for yourself Lucy-“

“I am doing well for myself, Mother.” Lucy said cooly. “My decision regarding children is not yours to make. It’s mine. And I can have a kid with whomever I want.” She added. “I am a sergeant in the LAPD, living with the man I love, helping people-“

“Detaining people that need help-“ Vanessa quipped.

Lucy shook her head. “No, you don’t get to do this.” She said carefully, measuring each word. “I’m done. I’m done disappointing you. You made decisions in your life that you regret, they’re not my fault. You slept with a patient, and that resulted in me. Stop punishing me.” Lucy yelled, not hearing Tim sliding the back door, to come back inside.

Vanessa stopped, fully stopped in her tracks, looking at her daughter. “I don’t…” she started. “Amy.” She finished, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

“When, if I decide to have a child or children, that is my decision. And they sure as hell, will never feel like a disappointment to me, like they have to prove that they deserve love.” Lucy finished. “We’re done.”

Vanessa made a movement, she wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point. Lucy knew that she did love her, right, even if she never really showed it. She had been trained to deal with situations, with people who didn’t feel loved, but here her daughter was standing in front of her, telling her that, and she didn’t have the words to refute her. She noted that Tim moved to her daughter’s side, still not saying much, or really anything. But she knew she was unwelcome. “Just, think about it.” She muttered.

“I think you should go.” Tim said quietly, but it was the loudest noise in the room as he moved to be in line with Lucy, but didn’t touch her, just being there to support, no pushing.

Lucy nodded in agreement, then moved to usher Vanessa out the front door. “Goodbye. Mom.” She said curtly, opening the door, and gently giving her many non-verbal cues to leave.

Vanessa turned, standing in the doorway. “Well, this visit was a disappointment.” She said, in that usual tone, pretending that everything had gone, just as well as she planned. “Lucy.” She greeted, then turned back for her car.

Lucy shut the door, exhaling deeply as she waited for the car to pull out of the driveway, to be free. Once she was no longer in sight, her body relaxed slightly, her shoulders slouching, her breathing slowing, and singular tears falling down her face as she made her way into Tim’s right side.

Tim held his arm open, gently rubbing circles into her hip. “You’re okay, Luce.” He said softly, gently, after a moment leading her to the couch.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucy nodded, sitting down, leaning into him as she let the tears roll down her face. Her mother always had to have the last word, it didn’t matter what it was. But she had told her off. She had confronted her and not backed down under her wuthering gaze. She stayed there, in his embrace for a couple of minutes, him gently cradling her head, as well as he could. “Our kids never have to prove that they’re loved.” She said quietly.

“I know.” Tim said, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I know.”

“And we’ll support them in whatever they want to do.” She added, moving her tear soaked face from his now wet torso to look at him, as he nodded, moving his useful hand to gently tilt her face towards him, and placed a gentle kiss to her lips. He slipped his arm around her waist, his hand settling on her stomach lightly. She gently broke the kiss with a watery smile, and nodded. “We’ll be okay at this.” She said, meeting his gaze.

Chapter Text

The house, their house looked like a warzone. And having been through a couple, it was not a term Tim Bradford used lightly. He normally hated when people used that term as it would often minimise the horror and overall turmoil that lived in those haunted places. No place he’d ever lived had looked in quite this level of disarray. His father would have never stood for it, the army never stood for it, and most of the time Tim Bradford wouldn’t stand for it. He stood in the entry way, front door ajar, trying to get some level of understanding as to what had happened here. Kojo stood in front of the couch, staring back at his owner, sock dangling from his mouth. Kojo stood there for one more second, as if he were waiting for an instruction before trotting off to the bedroom, valiant in his triumphant success in the procurement of the sock.

Tim gently shut the front door, put his keys on the entryway table and walked slowly to assess the damage. Structurally intact, however multi-coloured cushions were strewn about the living room, Kojo’s toys in the weirdest crevices, a rope toy flung, hanging off a tv cabinet where it had landed, a tennis ball perfectly placed on the coffee table. A photo album open to photos of his fiancée’s first few days of life sprawled on the floor, seemingly abandoned. The archive box labelled ‘photo albums’ that normally lived in the spare room open, lid on the couch next to Kojo’s kong. Tim glanced around, noting the singular dish on the bench, half a veggie patty with what looked to be a banana caramel sauce dripped next to it left abandoned. “Lucy?” He asked tentatively. Getting nothing in response, the man left the carnage to enter the spare-room turned nursery.

“Lucy?” He asked again, leaning against the door frame, crossing his arms against his chest.

The brunette turned slightly, dishevelled, his metro t-shirt draped over her small frame, her seven-month bump poking out. Her hair swept into a messy bun, dark circles weighing under her eyes, eyes frantic as she gave a short wave to indicate that she’d heard him but didn’t stop her eyes wildly darting around the closet.

He raised an eyebrow, in a way that normally would have her asking why he was smirking. “Luce, what are you doing?” He asked, a hint of joviality in his voice. He moved slightly to stand in the room they’d painted, well; he’d painted, Lucy had picked the colour, and said she’d help, before taking a well-deserved nap. He leant against the door frame adjusting slightly to enter the room, watching her flit around the yellow and sage green room, avoiding the crib in the middle with the tiny combat boots hanging over it on a-yet-to-be-completed mobile. “There’s a veggie patty in the kitchen.” He added, still not receiving an answer.

“Yeah, I’ll get to it.” She said, shaking her head, grabbing a box, slamming it on top of the changing table, and rifling through it.

Tim gave a soft sigh, crossing the small room, and moving a small tiger out of the way. One that was once his, that they’d pulled out of storage, well Genny had pulled out of storage when they’d told her they were expecting a little girl. Hoping to give it some new memories, happier memories. He gently moved behind her, placing a hand on her upper arm. “What are you doing?” He asked her again.

“I just need to find it.” She said, shrugging his hand off gently, riffling through the box. “She has to have it.” She added, turning to face him for a split second, her brown eyes, threatening to let the tears fall.

“I can’t help you look for it, if I don’t know what it is.” He pointed out. He knew this was rough, clearly something had upset her.

She gave him an exasperated look. Clearly, he wasn’t going to leave her alone to look, and she’d been searching for six hours now. Was it really six hours? “I was looking at old photos, you know. Since I don’t talk to my mother and can’t talk to bio-dad, who didn’t even know I existed-“ She started, shaking her head, ensuring the tears stayed put by sheer willpower. “There was a necklace. Bio-dad clearly gave it to my mother, since it appeared in photos not too long before she got pregnant with me, and then it was on me in one of the photos not long after I was born.” She rambled. “I stole that necklace when I went to college. Since it was mine anyway.” She added, noting the small look of disapproval. “Statute of limitations.” She added, lifting her finger as she flitted about, an attempt to stop an argument before it even started. “I put it in a box, I know I had it at the apartment, and I know I packed it when I moved.” She said, glancing around again.

“So, why do we need to find it now?” He asked, his tone gentle as he crossed his arms over his chest. Normally, the comment about stealing the necklace would have gotten some remark, but tonight, it wasn’t worth it. “She’s not going to be here for a couple of months, we have time.” He said, attempting again to get closer to her.

Lucy paused, turning towards him again. “Because I need it. What if she comes early?” She shook her head, avoiding eye contact. “Because it’s all there is.” She said quietly, finally relenting, brown orbs meeting blue.

“You haven’t slept properly in at least a week-” He started.

“Your fault.” She countered. Huffing. She didn’t completely mean that, she knew her own part to play in how they got where they were, and they did want a family. They had been overjoyed, scared out of their living minds, but overjoyed, nonetheless. And she knew he was going to be an amazing father. She was determined to be the mother she never had, but had always wanted, and knew she could be.

His fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing before he responded, he didn’t deserve that, she didn’t mean that. “Lucy…” He said softly “It’s not all there is. You are here.” He said, arm outstretched. “She’s here.” He added quietly, placing a gentle hand on her stomach. “I’m here.”

She melted slightly under his embrace. Her hand taking its place on top of his heart. She stopped for a second, breathing deeply, letting her chest rise and fall, hearing the steady thumping of his heart against his grey t-shirt. “I know.” She murmured, stray tears finally rolling down her cheeks. “I wonder, sometimes. What he was like, what type of parent he would have been, if she’d have let him.” She said, resting her chin against his chest, looking up at him. “Whether he would have been the type of grandfather to buy heaps of toys?”

He nodded, gently bringing a hand up to cradle the back of her head, keeping the other one on her stomach. “I’m sure he would have loved to have known you.” He said gently.

“She didn’t let him.” She said, shaking her head.

He nodded. “Hell, even my father-“ He said, a tightness in his jaw. “Despite everything he was. Bought toys for the boys.” He added, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. He didn’t like to talk about him, he didn’t like to go back that far, but he remembered Genny telling him, and Austin and Tyler proudly showing him when he went to visit them before they’d moved. Little stuffed tigers. “He would have loved you more than anything.” He said, nodding slightly.

She nodded, gently rubbing circles into his chest, reminding him that she was there, that he wasn’t back there, and everything was good. “It should be in a red jewellery box, it has a small constellation engraved in it.” She spoke, barely above a whisper. “The necklace, not the box.”

“The one in your nightstand in the second drawer down?” He asked, his brow furrowed, looking down at her.

Her head collided gently with his chest, followed by a groan. “The one place I didn’t look.” She nodded, then moved swiftly, waddling slightly to the crash site formerly known as the bedroom.

Tim shut the lid on the box before following her, moving it back onto the top shelf of the wardrobe next to the stuffed dog that resembled Kojo. The bed was unmade, sheets everywhere, the mattress overturned, lamps askew, the wardrobe emptied onto the floor. Storage boxes everywhere. The fact that she’d even been able to make it through the carnage to stare at the red box in the dresser was honestly astounding. He stood there, mouth open, agog. “Found it?” He asked, his eyebrows raised as he assessed the carnage in front of him.

She nodded, giving him a watery smile as she held the box up. “Mhmm.” She said, biting her lip. Kojo looked up from his secluded corner of the room, sock still hanging from his mouth. “What would I do without you?” She asked, wading her way through the debris, and kissing him on the cheek.

He thought of several different remarks, like Be lost in the Cave of Wonders, Eat takeout most of the time, and Still be looking for a necklace, but thought better than telling his pregnant fiancée his musings. He enjoyed the bed and would like to sleep in it once he reverted it back to its normal form. He rolled his eyes playfully, grabbing her hand. “Pop it back.” He said, then attempted to lead her out of the chaos. “Food.” He said simply. He led her to the kitchen, grabbing the discarded veggie patty and banana caramel sauce concoction that only a pregnant woman could dream up, and chucked it in the bin.

She made a noise, halfway between a grumble and a groan as he threw away the lunch she never got to. “I would have eaten that.”

Tim simply turned for a second, shook his head, then went to start making dinner. It wasn’t particularly common knowledge that Tim enjoyed cooking, and he particularly enjoyed cooking for Lucy. It was something that sometimes, helped him think. There were a couple of times after they’d gotten back together, when he couldn’t sleep that he’d crept out into the kitchen, careful not to disturb her and started baking. Although if Angela or anyone were to ask, Lucy made those cupcakes. “And in about half an hour, you would be throwing it back up.” He could hear her give a very soft, reluctant laugh as she padded her way to the couch, looking at the destruction she’d caused. “Spaghetti Bolognese.”

“I just want her to have something from him. Like I owe him that much, to at least ensure his granddaughter knows that his name was Patrick.” Lucy said, sitting on the couch and shutting the photo album to put it away. Her hand moved slowly, raising to her bump. “To know that no matter what happens, we tried.” She added, a slow tear running down her already sodden cheeks.

“And she will.” Tim said, grabbing a saucepan and the mince out of the fridge. “She will know that she is loved and has the best mom in the world.” He said, smiling slightly.

Lucy nodded, biting her lip. She sat there quietly, glancing at the carnage as Kojo padded over and sat on the couch, nose to bump.  She didn’t say much, shutting her eyes for a couple of moments on the couch and soon enough, she was out like a light.

As Tim served up the pasta, he pulled the bowls, making as much noise as a man could possibly make in the kitchen without banging pots and pans together in a subtle attempt to wake her. She stirred gently, moving Kojo, as he brought the bowl to her, and slid the box away from her. “Eat.” He said simply, popping the fork in the pasta to join the spoon.

She nodded, taking the bowl. “Thank you.” She said softly before twirling her fork in the spaghetti.

He grabbed his bowl, and made his way over to join her, turning on TopChef, and eating in comfortable silence. He ate quickly, then pulled away to put the dishes in the sink. Wordlessly, he went to go straighten up the bedroom, putting the bed back together, so that if she wanted, she could basically fall into it, and attempt to get some sleep before the sciatica well and truly set in.

It didn’t take long before Lucy came to watch, having finished her pasta, leaning against that same door frame. “I really did tear the house apart.” She commented as he attempted, for the second time to get the bottom sheet to stop popping off a corner.

“Yup.” He said, adding a nod. “Definitely not how it looked this morning.”

“I’m sorry.” She said softly, her eyes melting into what Tim would never outwardly describe as pools of chocolate. “I just had to find it.”

He nodded, grabbing the quilt and shaking it out to remove any bumfles between the quilt and the quilt cover, then laid it on the bed. “Why?” He asked, somewhat exasperated before realising that this may have been a mistake.

She sighed, adjusting so the doorframe wasn’t poking into her back. “We talked the other night about letting your mother know, and decided to not do anything until after she comes.” She started as he pulled up the pillows around the bedroom. “Then last night, I was thinking about how I left things with my mother-“

He straightened the last pillow “Right…”

“And, well, I’m happy I stood up to her, and our kid will never, ever be looked at that way… But she and Dad are all there is, really, on that side, I mean, Aunt Amy knows, and she was happy for us.” She continued, starting to ramble.

“Luce…” He sighed, grabbing the lamp on her side, and straightening it, and shutting the open drawers.

“I was thinking about telling her, but I don’t want to have that conversation, and I don’t want you to talk to her and have to have that conversation.” She breathed. “She can know after she’s here. Like, sending a traditional ‘It’s a Girl’ card, or something. She’ll be mad at me, but, well, what’s new?”

Tim stood there, just staring at her. He loved her, he really did, with all his heart, but sometimes, when she spoke in streams of consciousness, it took her so long to get to the point. He opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it.

“I started thinking about him, and how he never got a chance to be a dad. And I thought he should have some representation.” She continued. “So, when I couldn’t sleep last night-“She yawned “I wondered if there were any pictures or any proof in the photo albums of anything regarding his existence.” She finished. “Then the hunt began.”

Tim nodded. He hadn’t ever really thought about it that way. Sure, he was there when she was considering freezing her eggs, and her whole questioning whether she should find him, but she’d never really talked too much about how that had actually impacted her. He took a couple of large steps, wrapping his arms around her. “Okay.” He said simply, nodding. That was enough. “We know where it is now.” He pressed a small kiss on her forehead.

“I love you.” She whispered after a small moment of silence between the two.

“I love you too.” He whispered, a soft smile danced across his lips.

She stayed there for a moment, just breathing, pressing her body gently into his. “Not like them.” She whispered, tilting her head to look back up at him.

“Not like them.” He agreed, nodding, her eyes meeting his. That they were both sure of. Their kids, no matter how many they would end up having, would know love, laughter, understanding and safety. That they could agree on.