Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

8-year old Shirley came across the channel by pure accident when flipping through her favorite cartoons. But when she saw Marianne Vi Britannia in the Ganymede, Shirley forgot all about them. Seeing the metallic titan dance under the raven-haired woman’s will stirred the orangette’s heart like nothing before.

“Daddy, I wanna be like her!” she exclaimed brightly.

(She never understood her father’s expression until later in her life.)

Since then, Shirley collected as much knightmare frame merchandise as she could… which was very hard, since there wasn’t much at the moment. But her daddy had somehow gotten her figures and books.

And of course, Shirley consumed as much as she could about Marianne Vi Britannia. This would eventually have her stumble upon a family portrait of her and… her children.

Her daughter, Nunally Vi Britannia, was the most darling thing Shirley had ever seen, with Marianne’s bright lilac eyes and sandy hair tied in pigtails. 

And her son…

“He’s… so beautiful,” Shirley breathed softly at seeing Lelouch Vi Britannia, his hair darker than Marianne’s and brilliant amethyst eyes.

(She never could have imagined he would eventually become hers and she his.)

Marianne Vi Britannia was dead.

Lelouch and Nunally Vi Britannia were dead.

Shirley walked about like in a stupor for weeks afterwards. She felt numb and cold. Was she a bad girl for not crying? But the tears didn’t come no matter how she willed it.

She plunged herself into Knightmare Frames. She surrounded herself with books, figures, manuals, posters. Anything to ignite the fierce spark of emotion in her chest once more. 

(She would always love Knightmare Frames, but that moment was when it first became tainted.)

Shirley Fenette. A sweet, naive girl. A kind, cheerful student. An earnest, hardworking historian. 

Shirley Fenette. A Knightmare fanatic. A gearhead that smelled like oil and metal on good days. A piloting prodigy.

So much of a prodigy, a recruiter from Wildhunt, the foremost trade school for Knightmare piloting, was sent to shadow Shirley. Of course it wasn’t for long. Her passion and skill for her craft couldn’t be ignored by her school, and neither could it be ignored by Wildhunt. 

("I have seen pilots board their mounts with determination, honor, arrogance, ambition, fear. But you? You love the knightmare as the warrior loves the sword, the painter the brush.)

Shirley was pushed to and beyond her limits, her passion and love of the craft driving her to always better herself. 

Shirley never felt like it was enough. She always could have moved faster, been stronger, and pilot better. Regardless, she never lost her love of piloting. Days, even weeks would pass without her going to her dorm. Spent in hangers, sheds, there was always something new to learn.

(Would it ever be enough?)

When Shirley was approached by an older woman named Mia Azazel with the offer to join an elite squadron, Shirley jumped at the chance. She was so excited, she signed the papers before even contacting her parents with the good news.

That excitement turned to ash when a knife had been thrown her way as she entered the conference room, opening up her cheek.

“So, you’re the commoner everyone’s been hyping up? You look more ordinary than I expected.”

The Mad Dog. The Father-Killer. The Vampire Of Britannia. Shirley’s Squad Leader.

Luciano Bradely, the Knight Of Ten.

“Please forgive me,” Mia tearfully whispered at Shirley’s stricken look. “I didn’t have a choice…” 

Luciano scoffed at the woman’s clear distress, waving her away dismissively. “Take your cripple of a sister and go die in whatever backwater ditch you came from.”

“Y-yes my lord! Thank you so much!”

She ran out so quickly, it might’ve been comical in any other context. Shirley was a cornered animal, left in the clutches of a monster that could do anything to her.

“What’s the most important thing to you?”

The question confused Shirley. She had many answers, but Luciano Bradely’s expression made it clear he was expecting something she didn’t understand. And her ordinary answers (her family, her friends, her future), she did not want him knowing.

“Knightmare Frames.”

Luciano blinked at the answer before giving a barking laugh. Shirley had no chance to avoid the man as he shot over, looming above her with a barred grin. He grabbed her throat, his fingers digging into the bloody cut; Shirley’s toes just barely grazed the floor as she clutched at his wrist.

“And just what makes Knightmare Frames more important to you than your life?”

Shirley’s head swam, tears burning her eyes. Yet in her minds’ eye, she saw the Ganymede moving so gracefully. Marianne’s shining form, her children.

“They’re so beautiful…” 

Shirley wasn’t sure if it was seconds, minutes or hours that they remained as they did.  Limbo that could be shattered into any number of pieces.

“You’re quite a little fanatic, aren’t you?” 

Luciano leaned in, tongue sliding over the bloody cut before releasing Shirley. She fell to her knees, coughing as spots of light danced across her vision. Luciano looked over her with a thoughtful leer, licking the last droplets of her blood off his fingers as though it was honey.

“Welcome to the Valkyrie Squad.”

It won’t be forever, Shirley tells herself as she gets back on her feet.

(She would always regret the decisions that led her to that room.)

The Valkyries weren’t what Shirley expected when she heard “elite knightmare frame squad”.

For one, their uniforms were so revealing. The cloth often chafed at her armpits, chest and crotch, making it harder to concentrate in and out of the knightmare, and drained her stamina faster. The tights Shirley wore just barely mitigated that.

For another, Luciano Bradely did not give a damn who got in his way. Not even if it was one of Valkyries. Shirley lost count of how many times she had been clipped, grazed or flatout knocked aside during missions because the Vampire of Britannia didn’t want her to “kill steal”.

Luciano Bradely could be distracted easily enough, but what specifically would do the trick could change on a dime.

Marika Soresi and Liliana Vergamon were quick to become the tenants that anchored Shirley down, as comrades and as friends. Mari wanted to distinguish herself from her brother who was part of the Purist Faction. Meanwhile Lily had been promoted through the army due to her achievements.

So unlike Shirley, Mari and Lily had status and experience she didn’t and could potentially leave with less hassle than she could.

“So why don’t you?” Shirley asked during one of their girls' nights out, mulling over the taste of her cider. 

“I can’t just go crawling back,” Mari downed her gin and tonic. “It’s not just my brother. I want to prove to myself that I can fight on my own two feet.”

“I joined the army to get away from my family,” Lily explained, fingertips circling the rim of her scotch glass. “As bad as Bradely is, I’d still choose him over the Vergamons.”

Shirley didn’t fully understand her friends’ motives, but she could sympathize. Her parents had been furious and in anguish after they found out she signed on so impulsively. There had been nothing they could do once Shirley had signed the contract, now at the whims of a madman. 

Despite that, Shirley refused the channels that they offered to escape the Vampire Of Britannia: she still loved knightmare frames and being able to pilot. 

But that only reminded her of the last and worst parts of the Valkyrie Squadron: if you outperformed or outshone Luciano in anything at all, he would make you pay.

Shirley, Mari and Lily weren’t there to distinguish themselves; they were there to obey Luciano, make him look better…  be his eye candy. 

This was the most humiliating part. Shirley could feel his eyes on her and her friends like they were pieces of meat, and there was nothing she could do that wouldn’t end in her getting hurt or worse. She was reminded wherever she might be that she could end up like the Valkyries before her.

Broken or dead.

(“You’re late.”

Shirley stiffened at his voice, feeling his chest against her back. “I wasn’t aware our curfew had tightened, Sir Bradely,” she answered levelly. “My apologies.”

She knew violence from the man was inevitable as his hands closed around her. Learning about the Valkyries that came before her had Shirley mentally preparing for the worst. 

"Sleep like the dead," he whispered in her ear, his breath tickling her ear. "For tomorrow we die."

Did he enjoy toying with her, seeing how she would react? That was almost certainly worse.)

It had started out as an ordinary mission (let Luciano run about like a maniac while they were on cleanup) and had their opponents attempting to retreat. Easy as ever… no, easier even.

Something’s off.

“Sir Bradely-”

His deranged laughter met her comms and were muted immediately. Mari and Lily were busy with their own opponents. Shirley urged her Sutherland forward, following the glint of magenta-pink from the corner of her eye.

“Is that Sakuradi-”

When Shirley came to, her head was bleeding, and her shoulder screamed in protest. She could distantly hear explosions around her, the screams.

Mari’s screams.

An amateur’s ambush and none of them had seen it coming! Were there more sakuradite bombs ready to go off? Shirley moved to get her Sutherland back up before noticing distant frames closing in.

Are they here to pick us off?

Shirley calmed her breathing as they came closer, the opportune moment coming closer and closer, the enemy looming over her with a rifle...

She moved. 

Cut down the legs of the enemy frames, skewered the cockpits, fired apart the sensors. Despite being weighed down by tons of steel, body in agony and vision blurring…

Shirley felt like she was flying.

“Shirley!”

When Shirley was next aware, she was in a hospital bed. Her head had been bandaged, and her arm was in a sling. The head doctor looked over before Mari rushed in. Half of her face was bandaged, ruddy red burned skin peeking from beneath a loose bandage while she could barely support herself with her crutches.

They fell into each others arms, shaking with relief. “You were- that was insane!” Mari gasped out. “You were like- you were-” 

“I just did it without thinking!” Shirley gave a weak giggle. “It must’ve looked pretty insane, huh? I bet it freaked Lily out too.”

Mari wilted in her embrace. 

“... Mari, where is Lily?”

Mari wept. 

“There wasn’t anything left of her."

Shirley slumped out of her sister’s embrace.

Lily was dead.

Lily was gone.

She was just there, and now she wasn’t.

She would never see her again.

“You uppity commoner bitch!”

Luciano grabbed Shirley by the hair, throwing her against the wall and knocking over some of the hospital equipment. 

“Where the fuck do you get off even thinking you had the right to outshine me?! You should be grateful to me I ever looked your way!”

Something snapped in Shirley, her fist connecting straight with the bastard’s face. The crack of his teeth was music to her ears.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE GRATEFUL TO ME!” Shirley roared. “IF IT WASN’T FOR ME, WE’D ALL BE DEAD! INCLUDING YOU, YOU- YOU ARROGANT, TWISTED, WORTHLESS BASTARD!”

Luciano said nothing, still staring stunned from where his head had been punched to the side. His fingers grazed the bruise, slipping over his cut lip. Shirley was too furious to be afraid, her veins too hot to allow adrenaline to harden into dread.

“Move. All of you.”

Shirley’s injured arm was grabbed so harshly, her legs crumbled from the agony. Luciano dragged her out of her room, Shirley struggling the whole time. The medical staff had already moved away in fear, Mari having to be held back from hurting herself further. 

She fought and struggled the whole way, knowing the bloody fate that awaited her and was determined to fight every step of the way. They entered the hanger- was he planning on gunning her down with the Percival?

Luciano pulled her up to the Percival’s cockpit, throwing her inside. She just barely avoided hitting her head on the control panel before Luciano was upon her.

His grinning lips smothered hers. 

Shirley’s eyes widened with shock and confusion, especially at seeing the delighted lust in Luciano’s eyes. “Whu-?” She could barely get out before his tongue invaded her mouth, shoving aside her uniform-

The next thing she knew, Shirley was outside, was standing over a beaten and broken Luciano. Blood and oil flooded Shirley’s nose, covering her and the broken body of the Knight of Ten.

Her body pitched forward only for a strong arm to steady her. She felt a handkerchief (faintly smelling of plums) wipe the blood off her face. A warm cape wrapped around her trembling form and cradled her gently.

Shirley mercifully faded away a few moments later.

Chapter Text

When Shirley next opened her eyes, she was in a bedroom far more ornate than she ever slept within. A maid brought in a light breakfast, which  Shirley was able to finish about half of.

She fell in and out of sleep, time blurring. Until after twenty of those transitions, Shirley could get out of bed and even make it to the bathroom without too much pain.

She received no visitors save for maids and doctors. Her phone and other accessories were out of reach. Her room and window were always locked when she checked them.

Another few days passed until she was finally visited, the familiar scent of plums wafting into her room/prison.

The White Prince, Prime Minister Schneizel El Britannia.

“Luciano Bradely is currently in care for multiple broken and bruised bones. He has yet to awaken. Regardless of his improper conduct, assaulting a member of nobility, let alone a Knight of the Round, is not something that can be overlooked.”

Of course not, Shirley smiled without humor. I’d do it all over again.

“Be that as it may, your efforts saved the lives of your unit, Sir Bradely and fended off terrorists working directly with Peace Mark. Add in your history , knowledge and skills concerning the knightmare frame, and this is also something that cannot be overlooked.”

“So, you will be discharged from the Valkyries and be transferred under Camelot in Area 11.”

Oh. They work with knightmare frames. She won’t have to pilot them. Hopefully.

“I’m sure your family will be very happy to see you.”

Shirley blinked, confused.

“Your father, Joseph Fenette, was given a promotion that has brought him and his wife to Area 11. A remarkable coincidence that my lead engineer has chosen to set up his labs there.”

(Was it all a coincidence, though…?)

For the first time in two years, Shirley met her parents. Mom had sobbed her eyes out and fussed over her. Her dad held her like he did when she was a little girl.

“But… don’t you hate me?”

Mom cried harder. Dad held her tighter.

That was a stupid question in hindsight.

They cooked Shirley’s favorites, looking out on the unfamiliar city of Tokyo under the starry night sky from their home’s balcony. For the first time in two years, Shirley felt at peace.

(The nightmares could be less disruptive, but she's take what she could get.)

Earl Lloyd Asplund felt more like a character in-person. Smart, eccentric, uncaring for anything but his research. He weaved and bobbed between his projects with detachment to everything but them. 

What was more surprising was that the man had heard of Shirley. More specifically, her proccing of the knightmare frame she used in Wildhunt had somehow made waves in the community. The modifications that Shirley had made without much thought so she could move faster and with more control somehow made Asplund drool and his eyes sparkle.

“Now now, don’t overwhelm her so much,” Cecile Croomy admonished the excited man. “This is only her first day.”

Cecile at least was much easier to get along with. Shirley was a bit surprised that such a sweet woman was working in this profession, let alone under Asplund. She hadn’t known how much she had needed another older woman figure in her life aside from her mom.

(Her mom was going through enough as it was.)

Shirley nearly ripped the school uniform she was given in half. What in the world was that hem?! She’d be lucky if there WASN’T an angle that someone could look up that skirt from!

A call to the school later with complaints of the dress code had an older blonde visiting with a notepad. 

“What would you like to wear instead?” Milly Ashford asked. “You’re welcome to wear the boy’s uniform if you’d like, even if I personally think you’re too cute for it. I could always modify the skirt to be shorts, maybe a skort? Actually, it’s not a bad idea to include variations to the uniforms as a whole…”

“Then again, you could make anything work with that 10 outta 10 bod!” Milly laughed as her hands closed around Shirley from behind-

Shirley grabbed the blonde by her collar, slamming her onto the ground hard before placing the pen nub at her jugular. 

"Unhand me or bleed.” 

But all too quickly her mind caught up with her actions and Shirley recoiled, aghast. Was this it? Was her school time over before it began? How would this affect her home and work-

“I’m sorry.” Milly’s voice was soft with remorse. “I won’t do that again.”

Shirley looked at her with new confusion; why was the blonde looking at her like that? Why was she so calm despite how Shirley had attacked her? Despite how Shirley had almost-

“Would you like to join the Student Council? I think you’d be a great fit.”

(She’d only realize why Milly offered her this years later.)

It was strange, being in an ordinary school again. Wildhunt had been centered around knightmare frames and didn’t adhere to curriculum outside of it. And even the memories from her school before then were rather hazy. (Though most things were hazy before the Valkyrie Squad, she found.)

Milly appointing her as the student council historian, meaning she would record their activities, was a big help to Shirley. There were times she forgot things or got lost in her memories. So the entries and photographs helped her retain some of it.

The secretary Rivalz Cardemonde was a happy-go-lucky, lackadaisical boy who enjoyed the little things in life, including a bottle or two of liquor from his bartending job the two would sometimes share. It was a secret the two shared and she found Rivalz was a fun drinking buddy.

The treasurer Nina Einstein was a timid, cautious girl who Shirley was able to bond with over engineering, especially once she showed Shirley the FREAKING GANYMEDE WAS IN STORAGE. Nina had laughed when Shirley had explored the Ganymede inch by inch and the two girls could spend hours trading ideas and theories.

The vice president was Lelouch Vi Britannia, and Nunnally Vi Britannia was an honorary member.

Shirley was fairly certain she had been hallucinating when she first saw the two. But no. 

That was Lelouch Vi Britannia, diffusing an argument between an elderly couple and a cantankerous driver without so much as a word, or hint to his existence. 

That was Nunnally Vi Britannia folding origami in the sunlight, for a wish of a gentle and kind world.

That was Lelouch Vi Britannia, getting hit upside the head with Milly’s paper fan for falling asleep for the umpteenth time during their meetings. 

That was Nunnally Vi Britannia laughing as she pushed her older brother to do his work for once.

That was Lelouch Vi Britannia, barely able to finish a lap around the gymnasium but was able to hoof it when he and Rivalz went out to gamble.

That was Nunnally Vi Britannia able to out-wheel most runners in gym class.

But most importantly, that was Lelouch and Nunnally Vi Britannia, alive and well.

Lady Marianne, your children are alive and happy, Shirley smiled softly to herself.

And I promise I’ll keep it that way.

Chapter Text

Shirley yawned as she finished going over the diagnostics of the white knightmare frame.

The Z01-Lancelot. The magnum opus of Asplund. A 7th Generation Frame. 

A knightmare frame that was so overtuned, Shirley genuinely wondered if it was even meant to be piloted by a human. Considering Asplund’s general apathy towards humans, this was a distinct possibility. 

Still, it was a frame that would have had her eager to try it out. Even if she couldn’t use it to its full potential, to even try a new generation out was an amazing oppertunity. And after nearly a year without piloting, Shirley began to miss it.

She blacked out in the cockpit, and woke to a worried Cecile and an annoyed Asplund who tried to literally throw a hapless analyst onto her.  (“I’m not that kind of analyst, Earl Asplund!” the young woman protested.)

“How am I supposed to get data if you can’t pilot without blacking out?! Get help to get over whatever this is at once or don’t bother climbing in at all!”

Shirley tried again. And again. But no matter what, she could barely get in the cockpit before either blacking out, or being overcome with panic. 

Being forced to constantly follow orders that made what was once her freedom a cell. Mari’s screams of pain and grief. Luciano’s lustful eyes and hands. The physical agony of her injuries. The surrounding frames that wanted nothing more than her death. 

Part of her dearest passion had been cut off from her.

Damn him, Shirley thought not for the last time with anguished fury. Damn Luciano Bradely to hell! 

And damn me for being so stupid!

A young Eleven man was brought in, bleeding from a bullet wound in his back. Shockingly enough, he had made it through surgery and was even offered the chance to pilot the Lancelot. 

Shirley had a fairly good grasp of Asplund’s thought process, but this was strange even to her. 

What was even more incredible was that despite being injured, Suzaku Kururugi was not only able to pilot the Lancelot but he made it dance like Marianne with the Galahad. Shirley’s fingers danced as she wrote and recorded as much as she could on the fight.

Suzaku took out the terrorists with ease, but it was him protecting a woman and her child that made Shirley’s heart jump. 

There were women and children in there, she realized belatadly. Were there others?

Shirley hadn’t given much thought to the people outside the Sutherland when she was on a mission. They had either evacuated or were enemies, with no inbetween. She had to focus on keeping her comrades alive and keeping Luciano from going completely unchecked.

But after seeing Suzaku protect that mother and child…

(Now her nightmares had the mother and daughter’s blood and remains splattered on her knightmare frame.)

It was official: Shirley could not bear to pilot knightmare frames. But she still longed for the freedom and delight it once invoked in her (that being around Lelouch and Nunna gently kindled) If knightmare frames could no longer give her that, then what could?

Shirley tried driving, flying, swimming, sports of all kinds. They were fun in their own ways and Shirley accumulated new hobbies (especially swimming), but it wasn’t the same.

Asplund and Cecile wouldn’t be much help in this regard, considering their expertise was with knightmares. But maybe she could still get better advice from the team.

One of the newer warrant officers, Mariel Lubie- or rather, Elle as she preferred to be called. She was brought on to CAMELOT a bit later than Shirley. 

She was also the poor woman Asplund mistook for a therapy analyst and literally thrown on her. 

“I need a favor.”

Elle’s reddish eyes sparkled, highlighting the golden center. “Of course! Anything for my cool senior~”

Shirley explained her situation concerning piloting. The young woman pondered over this before suddenly dashing out of the room, dark sea-green hair whipping back. Shirley was about to go after her before she came back in, holding multiple notebooks.

“If you can’t pilot frames,” Elle almost shyly presented the books to Shirley,  “maybe you could try this?”

Shirley leafed through, her interest growing by the moment. Elle had been working on a special kind of battle armor and battlesuits. The designs were varied and beautiful, from a pitch black suit with cape and mask, another that resembled the Lancelot and even one that had intricate armor over it.

The same feeling as when she first saw the Ganymede was swelling in her once more. No, this was even brighter. So many possibilities were before her!

“Elle, I could kiss you!” Shirley exclaimed, hugging her tightly. “Let’s get on it right now!”

There were days she could hardly meet Lelouch’s eyes. The way his voice would become so gentle and soothing even when she chided him for gambling (What if they recognized him? What if they hurt him?). The way he looked at her like she was something pure, and to be cherished. 

He has no idea who or what you are, her mind whispered. No idea how tainted. And for what?

But that was fine, as long as he and Nunna were safe, sound and happy. They deserved to live normal, gentle lives after what they went through. And if Shirley could make sure that nothing disturbed them, she would.

(And hopefully she’d feel better about herself in the process)

If there was a problem, it was Kallen Statfeld. 

Not because Lelouch seemed interested in her (because he deserved to have a good girlfriend), but because Shirley could sense that her sickly demeanor was a facade. There was a trained fighter just barely being contained; even worse was that she clearly had been on the battlefield more than once. Shirley had no idea why she had that training, or who she fought.

What if she got Lelouch involved in whatever she was doing? Didn’t he go through enough without Kallen selfishly involving him?

Shirley could tell that Milly seemed to know more about Kallen, having had her join the student council as well. Milly was a remarkably good judge of character, and at the very least she could keep a closer eye on Kallen.

It had been sad and frustrating that Suzaku was accused of murdering Prince Clovis despite being innocent. But there was nothing to be done; not even Prince Schneizel could interfere with regicide charges. 

Then Zero showed up.

“The one who killed Clovis… was me!”

Suzaku had been saved, and he returned to his trial despite everything. Of course they weren’t going to convict him after Zero’s declaration. But the whole situation had soured her stomach.

Suzaku had been clearly innocent, but he was used and thrown away for the agendas of the Purist Faction. Yet he still came back. Shirley didn’t get it at all.

(Even if some part of her was reminded of how she remained with the Valkyries despite the horrific circumstances. And for what? She didn’t remember anymore.)

Chapter Text

There was a green-haired girl wearing Lelouch’s clothes, and he kissed Kallen to stop her from noticing her.

Shirley tried to stay calm. She really did. But Kallen? She didn’t trust the red-haired girl as far as she could throw her. Granted, the green-haired girl was a mystery, but she seemed harmless enough just from how she held herself. A mix between innocence and mischief.

But why was she wearing Lelouch’s clothes?

(Her next few dreams involved both girls crowding over Lelouch, grabbing his arms and trying to pull him towards them before he was split in half.)

-

“Kallen, I know you’re not actually sick.”

The change in Kallen’s demeanor was subtle but powerful: her back straightened, her eyes narrowed. “And I know you’re not just an ordinary highschool student either.”

Shirley frowned. So Kallen had noticed too: they both had pasts of violence, it seemed. “What are your intentions towards Lulu?”

“Wha- ‘Lulu’?”

“I know you two are interested in each other. And I don’t want you dragging him into trouble.”

Kallen was indignant. “Me?! He’s the one dragging me into trouble here! And I’m not interested in him!”

“That’s big talk, considering you didn’t have a problem with him kissing you the other day.”

“HE DIDN’T KISS ME!” Shirley jolted back from the force of Kallen’s roar. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT HIS DEAL IS!”

Kallen was the most sincere Shirley ever saw her; this fire and temper in her, it was so natural she was amazed the red-haired girl could keep it contained.

“Okay. I believe you. Just… please don’t drag him into whatever you have going on. Okay?”

“I could say the same to you. With how you’ve been constantly watching him.”

“All I want is for him to have a life without any trouble!”

“Then none of you should have come to Japan!”

… Japan? Not Area 11?

But Kallen was already pushing past her before Shirley could question her further.

Once more, Shirley was filled with questions.

-

Suzaku was attending school now and Shirley couldn’t be happier for him. He deserved the break and he deserved a chance at normalcy after everything he went through.

But almost no one else thought so.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble,” Suzaku said gently, cutting off her protests when she found him washing the slurs off his gym clothes. “It’s better that you pretend you don’t know me.

It wasn’t fair: Suzaku didn’t deserve any of this.

… But wasn’t this what they were all taught? What she was taught?

Numbers are lesser than Britannians, lesser than proper humans. Savages, barbarians, animals. They needed Britannia’s leadership so they could become more than they were. It was an honor to be under Britannia, to be taught their ways.

(Luciano had taken full advantage of that. She could still hear the screams and sobs of the female prisoners of war that he got his hands on.)

She had fought for Britannia as a Valkyrie. Had killed for them. Had subjugated for them

And for what? So she could be closer to her passion? Her obsession? Shirley’s love for knightmare frames blotted everything else out, even Luciano’s abuse.

There was no excuse: Shirley was just another soldier who put people like Suzaku through pain and suffering.

-

Shirley blinked rapidly, a strange sense of vertigo hitting her. What was she doing again?

Right, trying to find whatever Lelouch had been hiding to keep from kissing a total stranger! (And potentially being the one who could get whatever he was trying to find…) Kallen had been a big held, lending her her school jacket after Shirley didn’t have enough time to change out of her swimsuit.

But she could’ve sworn…

The orange-haired girl winced as she rubbed her head. Was she starting to black out outside the cockpit now?

Thankfully, Suzaku was able to save Lelouch during that crazy chase and even became part of the student council. After talking with him, they both agreed to keep the work at CAMELOT between them.

“I don’t wanna worry Lelouch anymore than I already have,” Suzaku said sheepishly, a sentiment Shirley agreed with.

(Maybe if she had been honest from the start, things might’ve been different. Better.)

But even more surprising (or not), Lelouch had been friends with Suzaku before the war! The two had known each other for years, and Shirley could see it in the ease Lelouch held himself with Suzaku. Even Milly, who knew him longer than the student council, didn’t invoke the same kind of history as Suzaku had.

It was such a relief seeing the two boy so close. Lelouch and Suzaku deserved each other. But...

—

“This is incredible!”

Nina marveled over the designs shared with her. Elle had been ecstatic to meet the bespectacled girl; apparently her grandfather had had revolutionary theories to the scientific community but died before sharing them all… and Nina had inherited that same brilliance.

“If my dad was here, he’d love to bounce ideas off you!” Elle grinned with delight, even as her red-golden eyes shimmered with emotion.

“I would’ve loved that too!” Nina agreed. “I remember coming across some of his essays when I was younger, and he was brilliant!”

According to Elle, her father- Leonard Lubie- had proposed the power armor and suits before, but it had been beaten out by the knightmare frames and fallen into obscurity as a result. The only part of his research that was noticed was the bodysuits that pilots would wear to dampen impact and protect skin.

(Which, clearly, Luciano did not care for.)

Shirley wished she had met Elle and Nina sooner. How different would her life have been?

There were kids who thought about and liked knightmare frames, but not to the extent Shirley did. But to be fair, she could finally acknowledge it was a slightly unhealthy obsession. So it was a hobby/obsession that Shirley participated alone in.

But Nina and Elle understood her in ways she never knew she craved. They could gush over engineering, tinkering, knightmares and, most recently, power armor and suits, for literally hours.

“It looks like the outside of the suit for the power armor specifically Mr. Lubie was working on works similar to a magnet, drawing the armor to clamp in place,” Nina mused. “But the problem with that is the circuitry within the suit could hurt the user if it shorts out.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out insulation for that bit for a while now,” Elle said, gnawing on her pencil. “Rubber so far works the best and latex is easy enough for form, but it also makes it more difficult for the armor to form and increases the risk of it getting smashed off.”

“Why not use Sakuradite on the suit to enhance the circuitry so it can stick better even with the insulation?” Shirley asked.

It just didn’t make any sense: the power suit and armor clearly had ports for energy, but for the life of the three they couldn’t find what that energy was. Even if they used solar, tidal or turbine power, it just didn’t seem to flow properly. Sakuradite was their best guess for power, but…

“Sakuradite-poisoning would become a greater risk, especially so close to the skin.” Elle frowned. “I’ll be honest, the armor being powered by Sakuradite is already a risk since the luminous core is so close to the body. But at the same time, it’s what’s best powering the suit right now.

Shirley’s head was beginning to hurt. Truthfully, she was fine with the poisoning as long as it didn’t interfere with her using the suit. But she also reluctantly understood that she needed her health if she wanted to wear the armor… and especially if she wanted to protect Lelouch and Nunnally.

(She awoke more than once from dreams of her in armor, carrying Lelouch in her arms as they flew across the sky. How he looked at her in wonder and amazement before shyly closing the distance between them-)

“Shirles, you good there?” Elle asked.

“Th-thinking of the vice-president again?” Nina gave a little grin.

The orange-haired girl’s entire face was beet red as she did her best to banish the daydreams and regular dreams. “... is it that obvious?”

“Ohh~?” Elle’s grin stretched further. “My cool senior’s got a crush~?”

“You said something about a convention?!”

“Right! The Sakuradite Convention’s coming up! I’ll be attending and I can bring guests! We’d definitely get some good notes there!”

“But isn’t it outside the settlement?” Nina wilted with anxiety.

Shirley frowned with worry; she didn’t know Nina’s story, but she had a few theories. From her fear-fueled prejudice towards Elevens specifically, to how she flinched away from most boys save for Rivalz and Lelouch…

Suzaku coming to the school confirmed most of her suspicions, and her empathy and solidarity for the bespectacled girl only grew. “We’ll protect you.” Elle took Nina’s hands into her own. “We won’t leave your side.”

“... thanks.”

Still, it wasn’t all bad news: while the plugsuit could be doing better, the armor itself was exceeding their expectations.

The armor was silver in color, with golden trim that would release excess energy. The helmet- which was a stylized knightmare frame helmet with a single horn- covered the entire face with two large cyan ovals acting as factspheres.

Knightmare frames required a great deal of energy to move due to the complexity of design and their size. So there was not a great deal of excess energy to worry about (yet). However, the armor was much smaller and less complicated, meaning that they had yet to find a steady level of energy to power it without something exploding.

But this had opened up even more possibilities for the armor’s abilities, due to having so much energy available.

When the sakuradite first crackled out of the exhaust ports , N ina had noticed the back had formed almost wing-shaped spouts of energy… right before t hey all had to duck from the small explosion.

This led the trio to begin to design constructs to aid in flight in addition to their growing list of ways to burn off excess energy.

Shirley brought up a four-sectioned device that would allow gliding and steady floatation.

Nina had the idea of creating actual wings that would be funneled into sectioned.

But Elle’s suggestion of jetpack-like burst of energy which could be used in the palms and soles, which could double as long-range laser attacks, was the most feasible idea they could realistically apply to the armor (for now)

S till, these were all concepts at best and they didn’t have the resources to make any flight possible (yet) . So what they went for was a propulsion system that could give boosts of speed and strength depending on where it was funneled, particularly in the landsliders and slash harkens- which Nina had the idea of giving them the ability to disconnect and act like drones if the cable got cut.

A nd while the burning of excess energy could decrease the risk of sakuradite poisoning… unless they could figure out the true power source of the plugsuit, the armor couldn’t be put on in the first place without risk of injury or death.

There were also… strange little doodles that resembled birds. Red, blue, cyan, magenta, green, yellow; they all dotted Leonard Lubie’s notes.

-

“Hey, those birds kind of remind me of the golden thingy on Zero’s helmet!” Rivalz remarked one day, startling Shirley out of her doodles.

“W-wait, really?!” Nina looked spooked at that, and Shirley couldn’t help it either: were they really so similar?

“He’s right!” Kallen realized. “It’s a little different, but they look really similar!”

“Ooh, does someone have a crush~?” Milly asked with a grin.

“Don’t joke about that,” Suzaku admonished sternly. “Shirley, there are better people to-”

“It’s not a crush!” Shirley and Nina both burst out, the latter much more furiously, “We would never!”

And through all of it, Lelouch’s silence and blank expression felt so utterly damning for reasons she couldn’t understand.

“Do you know why Lulu was like that earlier?” Shirley asked Suzaku when they had a free period.

“… I ran into Lelouch when I was stationed in Shinjuku. He got caught in the crossfire between the terrorists and the army.”

Shirley’s heart stuttered in horror. The day she had called him, exasperated by his gambling and ditching... all while he was fighting for his life!

“Lelouch never told me how he escaped Shinjuku. But...”

“You think Zero’s the one who saved him?”

“It makes the most sense. They...” Suzaku grimaced. “They have very similar mindsets.”

Lulu, like Zero? Zero, who murdered Prince Clovis? But he also saved them all from the JLF, and said that they held no prejudice in protecting either Elevens or Britannians.

But why would Lulu want to fight Britannia…? Shirley wondered before stopping in the middle of the hall.

Come to think of it, the news said Lulu and Nunna were in Japan to study abroad before they were killed. But they’re clearly alive and well-

Her skin crawled. That means Britannia attacked when they were still in Area 11! They were definitely caught in the crossfire!

This didn’t make any sense: Lelouch and Nunna were both royalty, so wouldn’t finding them and bringing them back to Britannia be a prerogative? Why say they were dead if they weren’t?

… Unless Britannia used the claim of their deaths as a reason to colonize Area 11. And if that were true, then Lelouch and Nunna most likely chose to remain hidden after witnessing their own countrymen kill innocents in service of a lie about them.

How dare they put that on Lulu and Nunna’s shoulders! But why would they do that? Lulu and Nunna are royalty! Does this mean-

“He also might’ve been jealous.”

Shirley’s brain shorted. “Huh?”

Suzaku gave a little grin. “He might’ve felt like you liked Zero more than him.”

“Absolutely not- what would-” Shirley cut herself off, shaking her head in disbelief.

He deserves better than me.

(She never expected he’d think she deserved better than him.)