Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regulus knows, he can never escape from his brother' comparison for his whole life. Because, no matter how good he is, people will always have the audacity to compare him with his brother. Who happens to be the 'perfect Sirius Black'. But that's okay, because finally, at the age of fourteen, Regulus decided that this should never bother him again. He is grown enough to not spend his life craving people's attention anymore. He is okay with being the shadow of his brother, and if he is not... what can he do?

"So, are you joining or not?" asks Pandora, while looking at Regulus, who's busy writing something in his notebook. They're at the canteen for their break. Not only the two of them, of course—there's also Barty and Evan. Dorcas should be here too, but as far as Regulus knows, she's probably on some "date-or-not" moment with a blonde senior whose name Regulus can't remember.

"I don't think I should join, because, you know..." Regulus lifted his gaze from his notebook and looks at Pandora, "I don't have time."

"C'mon, we know you like this idea, Reg." Barty said, then eats some apple from the plate at the table in front of them.

"You can always make time for yourself, Reg." Evan added, joins his twin sister and Barty to persuade Regulus. "This is the one thing you love the most, and you happen to be good at it."

Regulus loves his friends. He loves the fact that they all care about him more than they should. Regulus knows why his friends want him to join the Painting Club—because, of course, they know how much he loves painting and how good he is at it. But this is just a hobby in Regulus's defense, and if he decides to join... he might lose focus on his studies, which he's been obsessed with since primary school. He and his friends were a junior, but he already knows what priority he should hold onto the next year when he finish his high school.

"Why do you all want me to join a club that you can't join?" Regulus asked, confused. "I thought we don't want to join  any club in high school?" which, according to Regulus there was no club they would join together since they had nothing in common.

Barty laughs softly and puts his hand on the back of Regulus' chair because he's sitting beside him. "Who says we won't join?"

"But you all don't like painting? Not as much as I do, at least?"

"Yea, we know..." Pandora sighs as she smiles at Regulus, then holds his hand with so much care it should be illegal because how lovely she is right now, and it almost melts Regulus' heart, as always. "But we want you to have the moment of your life since we almost finish our high school."

"I do have my time. Whenever we're together, I always have the moment of my life." Regulus murmurs.

"We knew you would say that," Dorcas shows up and sits beside Pandora, grinning at Regulus. "So we just made you to join the club already." Dorcas gives a paper to Regulus. It's an brosur from the club, whose name is 'Wizards Painting'.

"What the fuck? Dorcas, what is this?" Regulus asks, confused, while his hand reaches out for the paper and reads the words on it carefully.

"We already joined the club." Dorcas laughs. "And the bad news is the first meeting is right after school today."

"Seriously? Argh. Guess I should cancel my date plans again." Barty groaned.

"You have a date?" Pandora asks, surprised.

"Yeah," Barty said at Pandora with a pout, "with your twin." he burst into laughter after saying that.

Evan lightly smacks Barty's back for the joke "Shut up, Barty." he says under his breath.

Everyone laughs except Regulus, who's still busy reading the paper. He reads all the rules, the short explanations of the club, and the schedule of meetings, and...

"Reg, stop reading with that face." Pandora says as she takes the paper from Regulus's hand. "You look like someone who just got divorce papers at this point."

"But.." Regulus wants to protest.

"No, Reggie." Barty squeezes his shoulder, making Regulus look at him. "We're gonna have the best time until next year."

"Together." Evan added with a smile to Regulus. Everyone nods in agreement.

This is it. The friendship and the family that Regulus has. The one thing he doesn't have to share with Sirius.

Finally, it's time for the meeting. And the club is so... quiet. There are only a few people here. Maybe because most people think this kind of club is only for nerds. Most boys will join sports clubs, and most girls will join cheerleading clubs. Or, if not that, most boys and girls end up in music clubs together, which are very popular these days.

The only people in the room are Regulus, his friends, and like three others who Regulus thinks are his senior in school.

"Hello everyone." says a boy appeared from the door behind them. The boy shuts the door and walks through the club members to the front of them all. "I'm sorry I'm late, I had a class at the last minute."

The boy is very tall at least taller than Regulus. He is wearing a long-sleeve knitwear sweater in brown color. His face has a few small scars. To be honest, Regulus knows exactly who this boy is.

"My name is Remus Lupin." the boy says as he introduces himself. "I'm gonna to be your club leader for a while, at least until I'm not here anymore."

Remus scans all the faces in the room. He already knows the three students. The last that survived. The five new faces is the one that he's actually curious about. Not because he doesn't know who they are, but exactly the opposite. He knows very well the boy with pale white skin and black curly hair, who is shorter than him and has very familiar eyes and a familiar face.

"Didn't think you'd join this type of club..." Remus says, "all of you, actually."

"Well, is it good to have us here? The club seems like it almost shut down, though." Barty says—not harshly, but still.

Remus let out a small laugh hearing Barty. "Yeah. You're right, Barty. Thanks for saving my club, though."

"Should we introduce ourselves, Remus?" Dorcas asks.

"Yes, that would be great. All of us should introduce ourselves because we'll be together for as long as it takes." Remus says.

And they do as Remus says. They introduce themselves one by one, starting from the old members. The senior students apparently named Frank, Alice, and Emmeline.

"Thank you, Pandora." Remus says as she finishes her introduction. He looks at Regulus, who's the last member left to introduce himself.

Regulus sighs softly and starts rethinking his decision to follow his friends' idea. "My name is Regulus, and I'm a junior, like my friends."

"Do you mind telling us the reason you joined this club, Reg?" Remus asks politely.

It's been a long time since Regulus was in this kind of situation, but he's not nervous at all because he lost the ability to feel nervous a long time ago. "I was forced by my friends, who happened to make me joining without me knowing."

Remus let out a small laugh hearing the answer. This is what Regulus doesn't understand. How can people laugh at what he says? He's not even joking. He is not a funny person. He is not his brother, who was the funniest and most charming person he had ever seen in his life.

"Well thanks for the honestly, Reg." Remus says finally. "I think, today is just for introductions, but next week we can start. But for that, I need you all to draw me something that describes yourselves. We'll all show it at the next meeting and explain the meaning of the drawing. Is that okay?"

"Yes." the members answers together.

"Great. We can disperse then."

So they leave the room one by one, and before Regulus can join his friends, Remus stops him. "Reg, may i have a word before you go?"

Regulus glances at Remus. "Is there a problem, Remus?" he asks not bothered.

Remus walks closer to him. "Not really a problem, but I was wondering since I saw you here. Tomorrow, your brother and his band have a show at the local café. I thought maybe you'd care to join me to watch them?"

Regulus remembers. Sirius told him about it before, about the show. Almost a month ago.

"I don't think I have time for that, Remus because I have a few assignments with deadlines coming up." Regulus answers.

"I just thought you might want to catch their first show."

"I'll think about it." Regulus knows the possibility of him going to a café and watching his brother's band is very little—almost zero—but he doesn't like the idea of shutting down his brother's best friend slash Remus Lupin. "Remus, I thought you were in the poetry club. I never knew you were part of this one." Regulus speaks his mind curiously to Remus.

Remus rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah. actually I'm in two clubs, Reg. I used to be a member here before, and when the previous leader got busy, he asked me to take over. Last-minute duty before I graduate." 

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Hope that doesn't make you lose interest with the club."

"Nah. I'm not a kid. I was just wondering why you were here." Regulus denies Remus's assumption.

"I'm happy to see you here." Remus says. And Regulus knows he's being honest. Regulus can't read minds, but he just knows when people are being honest or just polite.

"Yeah. I hope I feel the same." Regulus mutters, then looks at his watch "If you have nothing else to say, I'll go."

Remus nods.  "Sure, I need to wrap some stuff up here. Thanks for chatting with me and please think about the invitation."

"I'll think about it." Regulus glances at his phone where he sees a message lights up the screen from his group chat with his friends:

WELCOME TO THE NERD CLUB

Barty Junior

Reg, we're waiting for you at the parking lot.

In case you still want to go home together. 

Regulus

Typing...

Regulus focuses on his phone as he walks out of the room where' Remus leaved behind. But when he just passed through the doorway, someone bumps into him. Hard. His fault—for focusing on his phone and not paying attention to where he was walking. His phone slips from his hand and drops, but before it hits the ground, someone catches it midair.

"Oh my God." Regulus gasps.

"I'm so sorry, I was in a rush... Regulus?"

Someone. The person who just bumped into Regulus turns out to be none other than James Potter. Yep, The Perfect James Fleamont Potter.

"Potter." Regulus sighs softly as he locks eyes with the taller boy, glasses slightly crooked and dark curly hair in chaotic disarray.

"Sorry, I didn't see you..." James looks confused. He sneaks a glance at the sign on the door behind Regulus came from. Trying to confirm he's in the right place. All he sees is that, yes, it is the room he needs to be in. "Coming from painting club?" 

"Yeah. Just joined." Regulus mumbles, eyes flicking briefly to James' hand—the one that had miraculously caught his phone before. "Accidentally."

"Accidentally?" James asks, curious.

"Forced by the gang, you know..."

"Oh yeah. They definitely seem like the type who'd do that to you" James laughs softly at Regulus' answer. His eyes squeeze shut for a second as he laughs, revealing his perfect teeth. And Regulus doesn't know what it is, but everything about James just falls into place: his laugh, his face, his—well, everything. It's a crazy thought, and Regulus immediately tells himself to delete it. Regulus hates how effortlessly handsome James is.

"Can I have my phone back, Potter?" Regulus ask once James finishes laughing.

James blinks, "Oh—yeah, sorry." He says, handing it back to Regulus.

Regulus pockets the phone, ignoring the message from Barty before. He figures if they've already gone home, he'll just call an Uber. Or walk. He's gone home alone plenty of times before, not that he can't do that again.

"I'll go, then." Regulus says quietly, starting move past James, who's still standing by the door.

Regulus nearly reaches the school's front door when he hears footsteps rushing behind him.

"Regulus... wait!" James calls, jogging lightly. Followed him. Regulus glances at James confused.

"Did I forget something?" Regulus asks as James reaches him, now standing close enough for eye contact.

James breathes slowly, recovering. "No, you're not." James answers finally, he looks at Regulus with eyes under his messy hair. Regulus hates something messy, that's why he is hating on himself because somehow he believes that his life was a mess.

But James messy hair, with a few sweat grains on his hair is something that Regulus will never anticipated. Regulus feels he kinda lost right now.

"I just, wanted to ask if you want me to drive you home."

Okay. Something is definitely off today.

First: Why did Regulus even join a high school club? A Painting club? That's not his priority.

Second: Why was he even talking to Remus like they're old friends? They're not. Remus is Sirius's best friend and not his. That's it.

And now, the weirdest thing and the third: James Potter. Wants. To. Drive. Him. Home.

James Potter. Wants. To. Drive. Him. Home.

Let's not forget, this is James FUCKIN Potter. The guy half the school would line up to date—boy or girl, it doesn't matter. Because yeah, he's the James Potter.

"I actually wanted to go to your place to pick up Sirius. Since you're still here... I thought maybe I could drive you home at the same time." James explains, maybe noticing how confused Regulus looks. because he sees how confuse Regulus are looking at him. Being taller makes he has to glance downward to meet Regulus's eyes.

Regulus blinks. "well if it's the case."

Regulus pulls out his phone and checks the group chat he'd ignored earlier:

WELCOME TO THE NERD CLUB

Barty Junior

Hello Reg, why on earth did you stop typing?

Pan-Pan

Reggie, are you okay?

Barty Junior

What Remus do to you?

R WE SUPPOSED GO BACK AND PICK U UP????

Evan Junior

Reg, I told them you were okay and maybe just needed sometime to talk to Remus so...

Sexiest Dorcas

We went first, Reg.

Barty Junior

But if something happens to you,

we'll pick u up and plan to beat Remus

eventho he's taller than us.

Regulus sighs, and finally types back:

Regulus

I'm alive and thanks Evan for shutting that crazy Barty up.

I'm going home. See you tomorrow, guys.

Regulus puts his phone back in his pocket and looks at James, who's waiting for his answer.

"If you don't mind." He says.

James grins, but quickly wipes the smile off—maybe thinking Regulus didn't see it. But Regulus did. And even though he's trying to not hype up whatever the hell is happening, he tells himself there has to be a rational explanation for all this.

He knows for sure—if he didn't want to become the 'pathetic Black brother'—he needs to think sanely. No wishful thinking. They say aim for the stars, so if you fall, you'll land among them. But for Regulus, falling anywhere still means falling—and it still hurts.

"After you..." James says, giving Regulus space to walk.

They walk together toward the school parking. Regulus sneaks glances at James, wondering how someone can be stupidly perfect in every category imaginable. Good at sports. Guitarist in "The Marauders" (his band, with Sirius, Peter—whatever his name is—and that blonde girl Dorcas won't shut up about). Good enough at school to get into a decent college. But also—somehow—he's warm and kind.

Is it normal for someone to check every single green flag box?

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"What?" Regulus kind of blushes when he hears James' question, then quickly looks away.

"What are you thinking?" James ask gently as they approach closer to his car.

"Nothing." Regulus replies. Nothing that you should know, he thinks.

"I think about you." James says, looking at Regulus' face.

Regulus turns to James too. They lock their eyes.

"What?"

Yeah. Something is definitely not right.

And Regulus has no idea what it is.

Chapter Text

"I think about you."

"What?"

Regulus knows very well that his brother is the prankster type who likes pranking people around. And he also knows that James Potter is his brother’s number one best friend, who very much looks exactly like his brother. Too into pranking people. Even if it involves other people's feelings. Just typical crazy bastard like they should be. But as Regulus thought before, their pranks were never too much—never enough to make James any less perfect than he is now or was before. At least that's what Regulus knows as someone who's not very close with his brother or his brother's best friend.

"Not in a bad way, though." James says as they stop walking, almost reaching his car.

Regulus looks away from James, finally breaking the eye contact between them. He is not nervous at all. He can't be... remember? He has lost that ability a long time ago. Not even James can make him as pathetic as before. Regulus has changed. He is better. Better at everything. Better at hiding his thoughts and feelings, and that's happened because he's trying to be a better person—for himself.

But, if he already lost the ability to feel nervous with anyone... why is his heart pumping faster after hearing James's thought? Is he crazy or what?

"Reg, are you okay?" James asks worriedly, waving his hand lightly in front of Regulus’s face.

"Yeah.." Regulus answers quietly. "Sorry, what did you say before? I got distracted—this is really late for lunch time." Regulus continues, gathering back his soul and thoughts.

"Oh yeah, sorry for making you late. C'mon." James walks quickly to his car, passing Regulus.

Regulus stands for a while before joining James at the car. Please, don't be pathetic again... we need to restart and be a better person, and we're almost there. Don't let this fail us. Regulus enters James's car as the owner finally sits in the driver's seat.

"Do you want to go grab food first before going home?" James asks. He's already wearing his seatbelt and then looks like he wants to help Regulus with his.

"Potter." Regulus stops him. Now their faces are very close. James looks into his eyes like there's something wrong there. And time seems to stop for both of them. They could kiss at this point, but that's not going to happen—not as long as Regulus still has a sane mind.

"Sorry..." James whispers as he moves his face back to where should be.

Regulus looks at James, confused. Especially when he sees James rubbing the back of his neck nervously. No, he's not nervous... you're just hoping he is—but he's not. Don't be pathetic again, Regulus, please.

"Just go home." Regulus says.

Now James looks at him, confused.

"I don't have to grab any food. I'll lunch at home." Regulus continues as he finishes putting on his seatbelt. He's not looking at James, because why would he?

"Oh okay... right." James finally comes back to earth.

James starts the car, and they finally move. It feels like forever in the parking lot for both—no, maybe only for Regulus.

The car is very quiet. No music, no radio and no conversation too between them. It's almost like they're both busy with their own thoughts, which is okay because they don't have anything to talk about.

"So, are you coming tomorrow?" James finally asks, breaking the silence.

"I don't know." Regulus answers while laying his head against the open window. He looks around at the street they’re passing and feels the breeze caress his hair and face.

"Has Sirius already ask you?"

"He has."

James goes quiet. Maybe he doesn't know what else to say—not when Regulus looks like he doesn't want to talk at all. But it's not James Potter if he gives up easily.

"Reg..." James murmurs, but Regulus hears it.

"Hm?" Regulus looks at him while still lazily laying resting his head in the window. Regulus's eyes are hidden behind his messy black curls. His hair isn't longer than Sirius's, but still...

"May I know what happened?" James asks, still focusing on the road.

"What?" Regulus asks back.

"Between us."

Silence. It's almost like they're not breathing. Both of them.

"What're you talking about?" Regulus finally asks. He no longer leans against the window. He sits up straight in his seat.

"I don't know..." James answers. "It just feels like you’re avoiding me, and I don't even know why."

"I’m not avoiding you, Potter. I’m literally in your car right now."

"I know. But still... we used to be close. We’d always mess around." James stops as the red light comes on and then looks at Regulus with his soft eyes. "These past couple of years, you act like you can’t even breathe the same air as me.”

James isn't lying about that. These past two years, Regulus has been avoiding James Potter. Not by accident, but on purpose.

"You're thinking too much." Regulus doesn't look at James, even though he knows for sure the boy is still looking at him.

James drives after the green light comes on, and they're moving again. He doesn't look at Regulus anymore—he's focused on the road. He sighs a few times, like he wants to speak his mind again, but he's holding back. Regulus isn't sure what James wants to say or what's on his mind. Regulus doesn't want to know. He can't let himself want to know what James is thinking right now because... once again, he can't be pathetic forever.

"We're here." James says, stopping the car at the side of the road in front of a house—Regulus' house.

"Thanks..." Regulus hesitates. "Potter."

"You can call me James." James says, looking at Regulus face. "Like you used to."

"Yeah, thanks James." Regulus takes off his seatbelt and prepares to get out of the car. "Do you need me to tell Sirius that you're here?" He asks as he opens the car door.

"Um..." James looks nervous. "It's okay. Looks like he already left." James murmurs.

"What? Weren't you supposed to pick him up?" Regulus asks, confused.

"Yeah. I was, but it's kinda late, and we should already be somewhere to practice for tomorrow. So maybe he's already there with the others." James answers.

Regulus is so confused right now. Because, if James knew that Sirius would be gone when he arrived, why on earth did he still drive him home? But he doesn't want to think more than he should, so he just nods lightly and gets out of James's car.

He doesn't look back and just walks straight to his house—because there's no need to look at James again. After all, he already thanked him. At least he's not an ungrateful bastard. Regulus doesn't know if James looks at him or not, but then he hears the sound of James's car driving away. James is gone from his sight now.

Regulus looks for a moment at the street where James's car had been parked earlier. He sighs, then enters his house.

"Why are you so late, honey?" asks a soft voice from the kitchen. His mom.

"Hello Maman. Didn't know you there." Regulus puts his bag on the first stair before joining his mom in the kitchen.

"I want to make cookies. Do you want to join me?" his mom asks, looking at him.

Regulus can tell that his mom has probably already spent hours in the kitchen at this point. She looks like a bit of a mess—but in a good way. And the smell of her cooking is amazing. Regulus wonders if his mom ever decided to open a bakery, restaurant or café, maybe it would work. She definitely has the talents for it.

"I'm kinda tired, Mom, but I want to eat before going back to my room. Is that okay?" Regulus sits down in the dining chair, eyeing the food his mom has laid out on the table.

"Do you want me to prepare it for you?" Walburga asks as she walks over to Regulus. When she's close enough, she gently caresses her young son's hair.

"No need Maman, I can do it myself." Regulus replies, then serves himself some food. Not much, but enough to satisfy him.

"Merci, mon chéri." Walburga returns to her baking.

"Has Sirius been gone for long, Mom?" Regulus asks as he eats.

"Siri? He's not back yet. I think it has something to do with his show tomorrow." 

Regulus stops and looks at his mother, confused.

"But James said..."

"James? You saw him earlier, mon chéri?"

"Yeah, he drove me home before and looked like he wanted to pick up Sirius." Regulus keeps his gaze on his mom.

"Well, that's strange." Walburga says as she places a tray full of dough into the oven and then turns to look at Regulus. "Because Sirius said they'd be practicing at school, and based on my instinct, they should have seen each other—especially since they're in the same class."

Regulus is confused. So confused.

James should have known Sirius wasn't home. He was supposed to know. What Walburga said made sense—they're in the same class, so how could they not have met or talked? In fact, why did James go to the Painting Club room earlier? To pick Remus, of course.

Why hadn't Regulus thought of that earlier.

But... how was he supposed to know that his brother wasn't home? And if James did know Sirius wasn't home, then why the fuck did he drive Regulus home in the first place? That meant, James wasted his time. He chose to be bothered—especially when his band was supposed to practice at school, and James was already there.

Well... at least until he decided to drive Regulus home.

What the hell is going on right now?

"Reggie, are you okay?" Walburga asks, concerned.

"Uhm, I'm okay... I'm just kinda tired, Mom. Sorry." Regulus says quietly, then walks to the sink and washes his plate. He isn't done eating, but he's already lost his appetite. At this point, he just wants to go back to his room.

"You can just leave it, honey." Walburga says gently, caressing his shoulder.

"It's okay." Regulus replies. "Sorry for not helping you, Mom."

"Nah, you can go to your room, and after you've rested, you can have some cookies." Walburga turns back to the oven.

"I'm honored to do that, Ma'am." Regulus kisses his mom's cheek before heading up the stairs to his room.

Regulus had already changed his clothes and put his bag where it belonged. He was a very neat person—not like he had OCD, but yeah, he wanted to be a better person. Less messy, maybe.

Right now, he was lying on his bed. He looked up at the ceiling, and then his conversation with James began to replay in his mind.

“It just feels like you’re avoiding me and i don't even know why."

"I’m not avoiding you Potter, I’m literally in your car right now."

"I know. But still... we used to be close. We’d always mess around. These past couple of years, you act like you can’t even breathe the same air as me.”

He wasn't confused because he was avoiding James. He was confused because—how did James even know he was avoiding him?

Two years, Regulus had felt okay tho. And since James was his brother's best friend and not his, why did James seem sad about the fact that they weren't as close as before? In the past, James only played with Regulus for the sake of his brother. So what difference did it make that they weren't close now? At least James still had his brother, right? In fact, they'd never really been friends—except through Sirius. And now, Regulus had his own friends, so he didn't have to cling to his brother, or his brother's best friend. Again.

All those sane facts, and Regulus still couldn't get James' sad expression out of his mind.

"Don't be pathetic Regulus." he whispered to himself. "You've come this far not to fail again."

Regulus rested the back of his right hand against his eyes. He felt overwhelmed right now. But why would he? How could two years of effort be swept away in a single moment with James Potter?

He peeked from behind his hand to look at the ceiling—the painted sun beside the stars. The sun was painted right at the center, where the light fixture was.

"You don't need my company, James." Regulus murmured. "You have Sirius, and Remus, Peter... and everyone else you want."

Regulus sighed.

"And me? I'm not someone who's easy to be around. Not for you."

That was the most sane thought Regulus could come up with right now, even though his heart refused to accept it.

"You don't need my company... and yet, why do you look like you do?"

Why do you do this to me? Again and again. Do you like the idea of everyone orbiting around you? Do you pity me? I'm almost miserable because of you. When can you just let me live free from your shadow. You don't even think of me like that.

There were so much things Regulus wanted to say—or scream—at James. But he couldn't, of course. He couldn't even scream at himself.

Regulus didn't like the way his memories of the past screamed inside his head. But the world usually doesn't give you what you want. And that's exactly what was happening to Regulus now.

"James, look at this!"

"Oh, that's so cute, Reggie."

"Reggie, stop picking things like that... maman won't like it if you come back covered in dirt."

"Shut up, Siri!"

"Why my brother so annoying?"

"Just let him, Sirius. We can clean him up. He looks so happy."

"Yeah, what else can he do at eleven years old?"

"James, come here!"

"What did you find, Reggie?"

"Why does he always call you and not me? I'm his brother!"

"It's because you're evil to me!"

"Watch your mouth, Reg!"

"This is so cute, Reg. Do you want me to clean it for you?"

"No, I want to give it to you."

"Why? Don't you like it? This is the prettiest shell I've ever seen."

"It's for your birthday, i don't have a present for you before because I didn't know what to give."

"You don't have to. We had the best party, because the three of us were together. That's more than enough."

"But Sirius gave you something."

"That's because I'm his best friend, Reggie. That's what best friends do."

"Am I not?"

"Of course—"

"No you're not. Go find your own best friend when you're older."

"Sirius..."

"What, James?"

"Reggie, don't listen to him. You're my best friend too—especially because you gave me this pretty shell."

"Hey! I can find a shell even prettier than that!"

"Just try, then, Sirius."

"Just wait here, both of you!"

"Do you think Siri will find a shell  prettier than this, James?"

"Of course not, Reggie. Just let him. C'mon follow me—I'll clean this and wash your hands."

"Thank you."

"Thank you for what?"

"For taking care of me."

"You like my brother, so of course I'll take care of you. Especially after you gave me this pretty shell."

"I don't want to be your brother..."

"Why?"

"I want to be your best friend. Like Siri."

"You can be both. How does that sound?"

"Hmm."

"You like it?"

"Yeah. Does that mean  I'm more important than Siri?"

"Yes you are—but don't tell him, okay? He's kind of a jealous person."

"Okay."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

That day, when he was eleven years old. James made him first pinky promise. He was so young and didn't know anything besides his brother and his brother's best friend. At that moment, they had their first secret. And at that moment, Regulus felt so happy—happy enough to believe he was important to his best friend slash James Potter. James made him his best friend and told him their bond was deeper than what he had with Sirius, right?

That's what Regulus thought almost five years ago. Now, grown enough to think more clearly, he knows James was lying back then—maybe because James wasn't cruel like his brother, or maybe for some other reason Regulus still doesn't understand. Regulus remembers when James' birthday is. And to be honest, James still always invites him to his parties. The parties that used to start with just the three of them have now become much crowded, especially since James entered high school. His popularity made him famous, and now lots of people want to celebrate with him. Regulus stopped coming to James' parties two years ago. He's not going to this year party either.

James has a lot of company right now. More than he should have.

Regulus feels frustrated right now. He should not.

Right now, he thinks the possibility of him coming to Sirius's show is closer to zero than, before because if he does go tomorrow... how can is he supposed to handle James? He can't. That's what he thinks.

Would Sirius be angry if he didn't show up?

He doubts it. Sirius is a very careless brother. They don't even hang out anymore, and Sirius doesn't really seem to need Regulus for anything he does. It's like there's just a formal bond between them—the kind that makes Sirius invite him to every event he has, but not because he wants Regulus there anyway. Everyone knows Sirius Black is 'the perfect Black brother'. He doesn't need anyone to shine.

And if Sirius does happen to need someone, he already has James by his side. So, basically, he's totally fine. More than Regulus could ever be.

Regulus felt his phone buzz. Someone texted him. He thought maybe it was one of his friends, or their group chat. So he didn't check it. He was too busy staring at his ceiling. Staring at the sun he painted there. Regulus is the one who painted his own ceiling—maybe about a year ago. And now, when he looks at it, he realizes the sun is already there. He's just couldn't help himself, maybe. So even though he's not talking to James anymore, he still ended up painting something that reminded him of James. The Sun. Because James shines like the sun. That's what he thought.

His phone buzzed again. Okay—maybe this was something important. So he looked at the screen, confused.

Unknown

Regulus?

Unknown

Is this Regulus?

Regulus

Who's this?

Unknown

It's James.

Silence. Well, Regulus was basically alone, and no—he wasn't talking to himself like he used to, obviously. But this silence wasn't just his. It belonged to the other boy, too—the one who was once again, somehow... James Potter.

What was James thinking? Why did he always push Regulus to the edge like this?

Unknown

Are you there?

Regulus

Yea. Is there any problem with Sirius?

Regulus could win a competition in sanity at this point—constantly trying to come up with the most rational explanations for everything happening to him, including this.

Unknown

No, actually no.

Is it a problem if I text you and it's not about Sirius stuff?

Not about Sirius stuff? Then... what else?

Unknown

Is it okay if we text as James and Regulus

and not as Sirius's something?

Regulus sighed. This was insane. Isn't it a bit late, James, to try being friends again? They were supposed to be friends—since that day on the beach. They were supposed to stay friends until they were grown. But two years ago they stopped being friends. So what is it that James needs now?

Regulus

We can't.

Unknown

Why? Did I do something before?

Regulus

No. But I don't want to fight with Sirius just for you.

Silence.

Regulus put his phone down. Suddenly, he felt drained. So he shut his eyes and tried to stop thinking—including about James Potter.

He wished sleep would let him escape. It was supposed to work that way.

But once again... the world doesn't give you what you wish for.

So Regulus dreamed about that memory—the beach, Sirius, and James—as if he hadn't already been thinking about it all evening. But this dream felt real. Regulus could feel it. He was that eleven-year-old boy again.

And the three of them were so happy, playing together.

All three of them looked happy.

Didn't they?

Chapter Text

It's already late, and Regulus has just woken up. It's midnight, actually. Why did he sleep so soundly that he didn't even wake up for dinner? Regulus rubs his face lightly before checking his phone.

Dead.

Maybe the battery was already low earlier, and he forgot to charge it. He wonders if James has texted him again or not. But that shouldn't bother him, right? Whether James texted or not? In fact, it would be better if James didn't text him. It'd be easier for him to... to what? Move on?

"You're gotta be kidding me." Regulus mutters, frustrated by the fact that he just admitted—at least to himself—that he had feelings for James before. But that was long gone... like, two years ago, maybe? He hopes it's gone. But if it's really gone, how is he supposed to explain his behavior today? Does that look like something someone with gone feelings would do? Well... Regulus hope so.

So, he plugs in his phone to charge and, then because of the sore feeling in his throat, he decides to get out of bed and head downstairs to the kitchen. He needs something to drink. Maybe eat something too. His stomach hurts a little—maybe from hunger? He barely ate anything at lunch earlier, all because of thoughts about James.

Oh, James can easily make Regulus miserable... just like today. Does Regulus want to be miserable for James? No. No way. Not again, at least. He's not volunteering for that kind of life anymore.

"You're awake?"

Regulus turned his head toward the voice of his brother. Of course it's Sirius at this hour. It can't be their parents.

"Yeah." he answers quietly.

"You haven't eaten yet?"

"I'm going to eat now." Regulus says, already reaching for the freezer door. He looks for the leftovers their mom usually keeps there.

Sirius is already sitting on one of the bar stools, sipping coffee quietly. Isn't it kind of late to be drinking coffee?

"You're just drinking that?" Regulus asks while working the microwave to heat up the food he found in the freezer.

"Yeah. I already ate, to be honest." Sirius replies.

His brother still wearing the same clothes from earlier this morning. That must mean he just got home. Typical. Sirius coming home late isn't unusual—in fact, this hour is kind of early for him. Regulus rarely finds him in the kitchen at midnight.

"Are you worried?" Regulus asks, moving to sit beside Sirius at the bar with his late-dinner.

"Yeah, kinda." Sirius says, glancing at Regulus's plate. "Is that gonna be enough for you?"

"This is all I need... maybe." Regulus replies, starting to eat.

"Up to you." Sirius murmurs, taking another sip coffee. "I'm kinda stressed about the show, I don't think our practice is tight enough, and what if we mess it up?"

"But, it just like..." Regulus stirs his food, hesitant. "a café?"

"Yeah, but you know—Stranger? Not just school homies?" Sirius looks over at Regulus. "It's more formal than ever."

Regulus continues eating. "Hmm."

Sirius sighs, "James was late, and we had to wait for him for a while. That made us start practice late."

Regulus stops eating. He stares down at his food. "Didn't you tell him when practice was?"

"I told him yesterday, and the day before, and even after our last class today. But you know how James is—he lives in his own world sometimes."

James knew. From the start, he knew Sirius wouldn't be home.

"He wouldn't even tell me where he was going, even when I tried to make him to. It's like he's hiding something."

"Maybe he needs some privacy." Regulus finishes his food and moves to wash his plate.

"But you know—we're like twins. How could he have something going on that I don't know about?"

"You're grown enough to have privacy. Both of you, actually."

Sirius stands beside Regulus, washing his glass. "Are you coming tomorrow?"

Regulus dries his hands with a paper towel. "I don't know."

"You don't have to, if you don't want to."

"Remus asked me earlier. At the club."

"Remus?" Sirius looks at Regulus, curious.

"Yeah. Your other best friend."

"What did he ask?"

"To come with him to watch your band tomorrow?"

Sirius goes quiet, now drying his hands too. Regulus notices a strange expression on his face, but he can't quite figure out what it is.

"Wait. What club?"

"Oh, painting stuffs." Regulus replies, avoiding his brother's gaze.

"Wizard' painting?"

"Yes."

"Didn't know you'd join something like that." Sirius looks confused.

"Me neither." Regulus moves torward the stairs. "I hope your show goes well."

"Thanks."

And then Regulus goes to his room, leaving Sirius who's still in the kitchen. He locks his door and then goes back to his bed. Regulus and Sirius are not enemies. If they were, interactions like that would never have happened. But are they close? Regulus can't answer that because he doesn't know either. He knows what Sirius's favorite stuff is—his hobby, his birthday, obviously, or his best friend. But he also doesn't know Sirius at all especially what Sirius thinks about him as a brother or what Sirius feels—his true feelings.

Not like he's nervous for the show but more like why he makes such a weird facial expression when hearing Remus's name. Something like that. And this has been happening for a long time because, as Regulus remembers... he never knew what was inside Sirius's head since then. Never.

Sirius barely spoke to Regulus about stuff back then and when they grew up enough to not fight like little kids anymore, Sirius still barely spoke about his stuff. He only talked about formal things like music, school life, homework, his hobbies (in the lightest way, not in the deepest way). Like what they did in the kitchen before the silent conversation like that, without laugher or jokes like what family should have... that's the most normal thing they can do for each other.

But the point is, they don't hate each other. Or aren't enemies. They're just them. The Black brothers.

Regulus picks up his phone, which is already turned on, and looks through the messages. There are messages from his school group chat about assignments and stuff, and also from his friends' group chat, which contains an invitation from Dorcas to join her in watching her crush tomorrow. Which is the band's show that his brother is in. They all agreed, except Regulus, because his phone died earlier.

WELCOME TO THE NERD CLUB

Regulus

Can't promise.

Silence. It's normal because it's almost 1.30 a.m. They should be sleeping.

Regulus looks at his phone again. No messages from the unknown number slash James Potter. Good. Isn't this something Regulus wished for? Finally the world gave him something he wanted. Is this really what he wished for? Should he save James's number? But it looks like James isn't going to text him again, right? But if he saves James's number, what's the worst thing that could happen? Maybe he needs to save it for some emergency stuff, like if Sirius somehow goes missing and he needs to find him, he could text or call James maybe. It's not like it ever happened, but still—the possibility is never zero. So, he saves James's number. For emergency reasons only.

Regulus isn't sleepy but he doesn't want to feel more tired than he is now tomorrow. So he puts back his phone and tries his best to shut his eyes. But before he can sleep, suddenly his phone buzzes.

Barty must be crazy for not sleeping at this hour. Regulus thought as he grabs his phone.

James

Why would you fight?

Regulus squints his eyes, trying to read the message right because maybe his eyes are having some mirage moment.

James

We're best friends too, remember?

At that beach?

Okay. Apparently Regulus isn't the only one who thinks about that beach and those memories right now. And apparently this is not a mirage.

Regulus

It's like almost 5 years ago.

James

SO?

Regulus

Kids make promises that don't have meaning.

James

I'm not.

I never make a promise that don't have meaning.

Regulus is confused. What should he reply now? He knows James's promise at the beach was a lie and didn't have meaning at all. It was just that James couldn't be cruel to a eleven-year-old Regulus at that moment. Regulus dealt with that two years ago and he's fine now. He's alive and grown. And better.

With this message, is James trying to tell him that all his thoughts before about their past were completely wrong? Has James always thought of Regulus as his brother and his best friend? Was their bond deeper than what James had with Sirius.

Regulus doesn't think so.

Regulus

Stop being a kid, Potter.

James

If I became that 13-year-old James again,

would you call me like you used to

and hang out with me like you used to?

Can this be more insane than it already is? What does this message even mean? Is this like a prank? Is James doing this with Sirius?

But Sirius doesn't know they talked today after a long time. Sirius doesn't know. If Sirius knew, he would have told Regulus when they were in kitchen before because there's nothing that can ever stop Sirius from speaking his thoughts. Ever. Including Regulus—or maybe James.

Regulus

Are you drunk?

James

No. Why would I be??

Regulus

It's better if you were drunk.

James

LOL. Am not.

But maybe will be after this.

Regulus

It's almost 2 a.m.

Kinda late if you want to get drunk.

James

There's a time for getting drunk?

Regulus

Don't know. Never done that before.

James

LOL.

Silence for a while.

James

Can we be like in the past, Reg?

Regulus looks at his screen. Confused. Frustrated. But also, happy? Is he happy? Is he crazy? Normal people would easily accept this offer. Why wouldn't they?

It's James Potter. Regulus thinks—what is the reason he's not accepting this offer. For Sirius's sake? But James denied that reason. Because his parents don't like James? That's such a lie—their parents were like best friends. They even spent summer together most of the time—and not only summer, but also Christmas, and some Thanksgivings. That's why they played on that beach four years ago—to spend summer together.  The Potters and The Blacks.

And then because his friends don't like James—this is an even bigger lie. His friends DO like James. Too much. That's not healthy, Regulus thinks.

Regulus can't find any reason. And if he has to think about the only reason he would refuse James's offer, it's that he a had crush on James before, and now he doesn't know if the feelings are gone or not. He can't tell James. It's too humiliating for himself—and maybe for James. Because of course, besides the fact that he is A BOY, he's also James's best friend's brother, and their families are basically best friends.

Regulus's feelings could destroy everything—not only his relationship with James but also Sirius's with James, and last but worst, their families' friendship. So, he can't tell that reason. Not if he's sane.

Regulus

Whatever, don't tell Sirius.

He's kinda a jealous person.

James Potter does know how to make people give up and do what he likes. It's just his typical move. And Regulus knows that.

James

Why do you use my own words against me? LOL

Regulus

That's one of the things I've learned from you.

James

I won't tell Siri, if that's what you want.

Regulus

Good.

James

Why aren't you not sleeping?

Regulus

I would if I didn't have to reply messages at this hour.

James

LOL. You can ignore me. You’re best at doing that, aren't you?

Regulus

So you do know, I can ignore you.

James

Please don't. Two years is enough.

Regulus

I'll ignore you if I find a reason.

James

So you did have a reason before, mind to share?

Regulus

I told you.

Sirius.

Regulus lies. It's not Sirius. Maybe Sirius helped him in some way to try to move on but it wasn't fully because of his brother. But yeah, he can't tell... remember?

James

I want to force you to tell me but

I don't want to give you

another reason to ignore me, so...

Regulus

That's the best thing u could do, Potter.

Atm.

James

If I didn't have a show today with your

emotional brother, I'd very much 

like to talk to you and not end it.

But yeah, it's not happening.

Regulus

Just sleep, Potter.

James

Will do. You too Reg.

Regulus doesn't reply. He puts his phone back but it buzzes again so he picks it up to see...

James

Is it too much to ask as a BESTFRIEND

would you watch me later?

I need support from my BESTFRIEND.

Regulus holds back his smile. That crazy James Potter is going to be his problem. Maybe starting today.

Regulus

If I'm awake, maybe I can go.

That's not a promise.

So don't hope too much.

James

TBH, it's more than enough.

Thanks. Bye.

Regulus puts his phone back and this time there's no buzzing, but it's not necessary because Regulus's head feels like it's buzzing. He covers his face with both palms, trying to hide his smile. Why does he suddenly feel like he's become his younger self again—the one who used to misbehave because of James's actions.

But the difference is, in the past is James wasn't doing anything that made him blush directly. But today—what just happened is something that personal to Regulus. It's something that only belongs to him. This interaction doesn't include Sirius. Just James and himself. No one on this earth knows about this. And Regulus doesn't mind keeping this as their secret. It's not like they've never had secrets before. Behind Sirius's back or their parents's backs.

But secrets when they were kids and when they're grown... are kinda different, right?

Regulus somehow believes this is going to be a problem in the future for himself. How can he move on from James as a teenager? He's maybe going to have some break-down moments because of this. But, how can he refuse James? When that boy alone is asking him?

Regulus is not a heartless man who can hold his feelings forever. He's just a man who happens to have a crush on his ex old best friend—who happens to be his best friend once again now. And he's not brave enough to hope for more, but he will enjoy this (whatever this is) for a while until his time is finished and he has to once again move on from the same person, just like he did at age fourteen.

Regulus lets out a small yawn before finally falling asleep. Somehow, he hopes he's going wake up in time to watch James's show.

Oh. James already fucked his life right now.

Regulus, somehow, wakes up two hours before the show is scheduled. It's because his crazy friends kept calling him for hours. Is it already too late to stop being friends with all of them?

He finishes getting ready, and now it's around five p.m. The show is supposed to start at six p.m., if he's not mistaken.

"Thanks for the tea, Mrs. Black." Regulus hears Barty's voice as he comes out from his room and walks downstairs.

"There you are, honey." his mother's voice greets him as he gets closer to them. Everyone is here—no one missing.

"Hi, Mom." Regulus says, kissing his mother on the cheek.

"Are you ready, Reggie?" Evan asks while munching on his mom's cookies—the ones she made yesterday.

"Yeah. Let's go."

"Tell Sirius I'm proud of him, would you, honey? I'm sorry that we can't go there." Walburga says softly.

"It's okay, Mrs. Black. We'll sent you a video." Pandora says kindly.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Dora."

"I'll tell him, Mom. Don't worry." Regulus assures her.

"Take care, all of you."

"Thanks, Mrs. Black." They all reply.

They all pile into Barty's car. Barty and Evan up front, and the rest in the back.

"Your mom is a very lovely woman." Barty says as he starts the car, pulling away from the street towards their destination.

"You really have to stop having a crush on my mom." Regulus says flatly.

"What? Why would you say that?"

"Regulus is right, Barty. We're starting to get concerned about your behavior around Mrs. Black at this point." Dorcas says jokingly.

"Shut up, Dorcas."

"Hahahahah."

The car is filled with laughter and jokes about Barty's supposed crush on Regulus's mom. Everyone laughs—even Regulus allows himself a small chuckle.

Regulus needs this.

A distraction from what's waiting for him at the café.

The café is kind of full, apparently. Maybe because the café itself isn't actually big enough?

"Hello, Remus." Evan says as he greets Remus, who's sitting alone with his sketchbook.

"Mind if we join?" Barty asks.

"Hello, guys. Nah... just sit, I'm alone after all."

"Oh, you're a savior." So they all sit on Remus's table.

Regulus sits beside Remus.

"I'm glad you're here." Remus says softly—so quietly that only Regulus can hear.

"Yeah. They forced me again. It's kind of their habit at this point."

"Huffs." Remus lets out small laugh. "I bet it is."

Remus is a very polite man, Regulus thinks. He always gives that awkward look and is always busy with his sketchbook most of the time Regulus sees him—but besides that, Remus is actually a charming person. He look like a nerd, but in a good way. And he's also... kind of handsome, actually. Regulus has heard rumors that a few people in his class that have a crush on Remus—and that's normal. Who wouldn't melt for a soft-spoken boy who's tall, has dark brown hair, and is good at painting and writing poetry? Remus looks like that one character who's stepped right out of a novel at this point.

"So, you're here to watch Sirius?" Regulus ask quietly. But honestly,  all his friends are already busy with their own things, so they don't care or even notice that Regulus and Remus are talking like this.

"What?" Remus looks confused, and Regulus wonders if he said something wrong.

"I thought you wanted to watch my brother?"

"We're not that close." Remus answers. And Regulus, once again, sees that weird expression on Remus's face—an expression he can't explain. The same kind he'd seen on Sirius before.

"I thought..."

"No... I'm closer to James, actually. Not to Sirius." Remus looks kind of nervous now, shifting uncomfortably in his sitting position. He slides his sketchbook back into his brown sling bag, then pulls the bag close to him—almost like he's hiding something or afraid someone might try to steal it.

"I kinda saw you with my brother very often, so I thought you two were close."

"Yeah, that's because your brother is always with James. Most of the time we all end up hanging out together."

"Yeah. They've been like that forever."

"Good for them, though."

"Yeah. It is."

"So you're here for your brother?"

Regulus stays quiet for a moment. What's the real reason he's here? Of course, because his friends forced him to come. But the real truth?It's because of James.

Is Regulus a bad brother? How could he forget that maybe his own brother also needs support?

"Yeah. I am."

"Good. I'm here for James and Peter, then. Since Marlene already has her own fans." Remus says, glancing slightly at Dorcas.

"Yeah. She does."

"Okay everyone! This is finally the moment we've all been waiting for!" a woman announces from the small stage in front of them. Regulus just realizes that their table is right in front of the stage—so they'll be able see the show perfectly. Remus is really good at picking the right table.

"This band is kind of famous in the neighborhood, and we're so happy to have them here! This is their first performance outside of school. We can definitely hope this band will become famous in the future!" Such nice words, Regulus thinks. It would be awesome if 'The Marauders' really became famous one day and had their own tours. "So without further do, here are... The Marauders!!!"

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." The crowd cheers and hypes up as The Marauders come onto the stage.

Regulus sees his brother, the vocalist, then Peter the drummer, and Marlene the guitarist. Last, he sees James.

James looks so handsome as always. He's wearing a white shirt with the first one or two buttons open. Baggy jeans, or at least jeans that look a bit loose. His hair is messy—like always. His eyes shine behind his glasses. His guitar is black. Regulus can't see clearly what color of James's shoes are—maybe black? Or some other dark shade.

This look of James's should be illegal.

"Hello guys, thank you for coming today! Like Ciara said earlier, this is in fact our very first show outside of school—and we're kind of nervous." Sirius says into the mic standing in front of him. His brother really does look like a rock star. His long black hair shines under the stage lights. He's wearing a white crop top—not too cropped, just enough to reveal his belly button. With how good he looks right now, Regulus completely understands why Sirius has so many fans at school. A few of Regulus's own class friends have even asked him to set them up with Sirius. And that's not just the girls. Sirius definitely pulls both guys and girls.

"This isn't our original song, but we hope you like it." Sirius finishes his little speech, and then the instruments start playing.

Regulus doesn't catch the title of the song—but that's okay. He's not into music the way his brother is, so the song itself is the last thing he really cares about.

James, Peter, and Marlene... they really do have talent. Regulus thinks so, watching them. They play instruments so well.

"Have you got color in your cheeks?

Do you ever  get that fear that you can't shift the type

That sticks around like summat in your teeth

Are there some aces up your sleeve?"

Regulus thought he wouldn't care about the song.

But why did the song fit his feelings so well?

He and James hadn't made eye contact yet—maybe because James was too focused on tuning his guitar properly. Sirius's voice was so good, blending with the instruments perfectly. His brother was literally born to be a rock-star.

Regulus didn't look at his friends. He was too invested in the stage. And judging by the silence at their table... he believed he wasn't the only one who was focusing solely on the performance.

"Do i wanna know?"

"If this feeling flows both ways?"

"Sad to see you go."

"Was sorta hoping that you'd stay."

This part—both Sirius and James sang it together. James sang backup for Sirius. His voices was... perfect? Not too heavy, not too light. Regulus didn't know much about music—or close to it—but he knew this: their voices blended perfectly.

"Crawlin' back to you

Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?

'Cause i always do

Maybe i'm too

Busy being your to fall for somebody new

Now i've thought it through

Crawlin' back to you."

Regulus just realized that James was apparently looking at him. They looked at each other, making eye contact from a distance.

James smiled while focusing on the strings of his guitar.

He smiled at Regulus.

Only at him.

Regulus blushed. Of course he did. Imagine your ex-crush, who happens to be a member of a popular band, standing on the stage, and concentrating on the strings of his guitar, but still managing to look straight into your eyes from distance. And don't forget how annoyingly handsome he looked in that white, unbuttoned shirt. It should be illegal.

And the glasses and messy hair?

Okay—maybe the glasses and hair were the paid actors that completed James's perfect look.

Regulus wanted to break the eye contact—but how could he? With those eyes of James's looking at him like that. So he simply let James be the one to break it, especially since Sirius apparently gestured with his guitarist. Regulus turned his gaze at Sirius now.

His brother was so perfect. How could he be this perfect? Regulus knew he could never be even half of what Sirius was.

He and James looked like that kind of duo, who made everyone feel small around them. Both of them seemed almost unreal—as if they weren't even real people.

Regulus felt like he was standing outside, looking into someone's else window.

Like an outsider.

Like he didn't belong in the world of the people he was watching. In this case, it was his brother and James—the ones on the other side of the glass.

Regulus would always be someone who just looked into other people's windows. Never the being looked at. Not even James would want to look at him. His brother didn't even need to acknowledge him.

He always felt small whenever he was near his brother or James. He felt... kind of insecure.

People clapped and cheered as the song finished. Sirius gave his thank-you speech before they all left the stage to head backstage.

"It's so good. How Sirius does that?" Barty asked Regulus.

"You should just ask him." Regulus answered lazily.

"Your brother is look like he's not a real person, Reg." Pandora said—and maybe after this, Dorcas and Evan would say something exactly like that.

"Do you like the show?" asked Remus.

Regulus looked at him, "Yeah, it was a nice show."

"You're so quiet. Are you okay?"

"I am... thanks, Remus."

"Hello, guys." Marlene said as she reached their table first, followed by the others.

"It was so perfect, Marl." Dorcas said quickly, standing as if to reach Marlene if Pandora hadn't moved to make more space for all of them.

"Thanks, Dora."

"Thank you for coming, guys." Sirius says happyly.

"You're so perfect. Is there any particular secret to that?" Barty asked, making them all laugh.

"Thanks, Barty." Sirius said. He glanced at Regulus, who was just looking down nervously. "Thanks for coming, Reggie."

"Yeah... Mum said she's proud of you. And she's sorry she couldn't come."

"Thank you for telling me." Sirius looked at Regulus's face but said nothing. Then he moved closer to Barty and the others to talk with them.

Regulus realized that Sirius and Remus hadn't spoken at all. But somehow... he could feel something between them. He still didn't know what it was. Would it be a problem if he asked them directly? He'd think about it.

"Hi..." James said as he lowered his head close to Regulus's face. Everyone else was busy with their own stuff, so no one noticed. Remus and Peter were deep in conversation. Barty, Evan, Sirius and Pandora were absorbed in their own talk. Marlene and Dorcas were even worse—they almost seemed like they weren't even there.

"Potter." Regulus murmured. "My brother is here."

"Well, I'm just keeping someone company who needs it." James said, unbothered, then sat beside Regulus in the empty space.

"You really are insane." whispered Regulus.

"How was the show?" James asked, lying his head down on the table and making eye contact with Regulus.

"It's good."

"Just good?"

"What else am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

Regulus couldn't believe this man. He was so... annoying.

Yet so... Regulus shook the thought away. James was annoying.

Just that.

"I don't want to play." Regulus said quietly.

"Me neither." James said with a grin. "How about I ask something else?"

Regulus just looked at him, not answering.

"How about... me?"

DEG. DEG. DEG. 

Their faces were close enough that Regulus could see James's face perfectly. James didn't stop looking at him. It felt like they were in their own little world now. Everything else around them seemed to stop. Only they remained—only they had awareness.

Regulus's heart pounded. He was so nervous he couldn't hide it.

He bet his cheeks were already turning red—and James must have noticed.

"What are you two talking about?" It was Sirius.

James broke the eye contact and looked at Sirius.

"Well... the same as what you guys were talking about. Music stuff." James said without hesitation.

He lied. So easily. To Regulus's brother. To his best friend.

Regulus just nodded slightly at Sirius. Agreeing with James's lie.

"Okay... boring."

James laughed. His laugh was so magical that Regulus wanted to paint that sound forever in his mind.

This was what he meant by watching people through a window.

James's window. He'd been looking through James's window all along.

Chapter Text

They hung out at that café for a while before deciding to go home.

James and Regulus split up, having silently agreed not to draw Sirius's attention to their interaction. It was for the best. Or at least, that's what Regulus thought. He wasn’t sure if James felt the same way. Did James also like the idea of keeping their interaction a secret? Regulus assumed he did because... maybe he just believed he was the kind of person who was easier to hide than to show off. Not that he wished James would display their friendship or whatever but when your brother happened to be Sirius Black, maybe you couldn’t help but wish that someone would notice you too. That you could have a life of your own, a piece of something that wasn’t just handed to you by being ‘Sirius Black’s little brother’.

Regulus knew most people around him looked at him and couldn’t help but compere everything he did to Sirius. No matter what Regulus achieved, it always seemed like Sirius had done it first. When they were younger, Regulus used to be grateful for that. Grateful that Sirius had already done everything so he could just follow in his footsteps. But as he grew older, he realized that he would never truly escape Sirius’ comparison. Not ever.

"Are you into this subject? You do like your brother. Sirius is really good at it."

"Wait, you don’t like music? But your brother is really good at it?"

"Why are you friends with your brother' friend, Regulus? Can’t you find your own friends?"

Wait. James isn’t friends with him just for Sirius again, right? Regulus thought as he looked at James who was talking with Peter and Remus.

Somehow, James seemed to sense that Regulus was looking at him so he stared back at him. He lifted one brow, like he was asking: what?

Regulus didn’t say anything. He turned his gaze away, cutting off the unnecessary eye contact between them.

"Are you sure we can trust you to bring our Reggie?" Barty asked Sirius as they were all heading out.

"He’s my brother? Why wouldn’t you trust me?" Sirius scowled.

"He's just joking, you can ignore him." Evan said, trying to calm Sirius down.

"See you tomorrow, Reggie."

"Okay guys, see you tomorrow."

"I'm gonna head out." Peter said, nodding to the rest of them. "You coming with me, lover girl?" he asked Marlene.

"How could you leave me behind?” Marlene giggled, doing a small jump as she grabbed Peter' hand. "Bye guys."

They went to Peter' car. Now the only ones left’ were James, Sirius, Remus and Regulus. This is SO AWKWARD. Regulus had never hung out with his brother' friend group since they’d grown up.

"We're gonna drove Remus off first, that okay?" James asked Regulus.

"Yeah." Regulus replied.

So then, they all went to James's car—the same one Regulus had ridden in yesterday. James sat in the driver’s seat as expected, Sirius took the passenger seat beside him, while Regulus and Remus sat in the back. Just like Regulus had imagined, the silence was thick. Awkward. For the first few minutes, no one said a word. It felt like they were all strangers. Regulus couldn’t help but wonder: what exactly happened between Remus and Sirius? Because they definitely didn’t act like friends at all.

"What did you guys think of the show?" Sirius finally asked, trying to break the silence.

Remus leaned his head against the closed window. Eyes shut.

"It was good. No trouble." Remus replied, sounding utterly unbothered with his eyes still shut.

Regulus caught James’s eyes through the rearview mirror. His look was wondering: what happened between them?

James sneaked a glance at Regulus. Probably because he was still focused on the road. His eyes said: I don’t know.

"Yeah, thank God for that." Sirius muttered, throwing his gaze back to the street. "Thanks for coming Remus."

"Yea, sure Sirius." Remus said flatly.

And that was it. Silence again. Regulus didn’t mind, though. Unlike Sirius, he wasn’t terrified of a few moments of quiet.

"I didn't know you two talked?" Sirius suddenly turned his head to look at Regulus.

"We’re in the same club, I told—"

"You and James."

"Oh." Regulus blinked. Nervous now. He’d thought his brother was still talking about Remus.

"Not that we can't." James cut in, eyes still on the road. Now Sirius looked at James. Thank God.

"That's not what I meant, Prongs. But you know what I meant."

"C'mon Pads, we just happened to talk. What's the issue? It’s not like we’ve never formed some trio before?"

"I wouldn’t call it a trio..." Sirius replied, thinking aloud, "Reggie’s like my plus one. So he doesn’t count."

"Oh to be honest? I liked Reggie more than you at that moment." James said with a smirk.

Okay. Regulus blinked, hard. He glanced between his brother and James.

James hasn’t called him Reggie in a long time... maybe because they're not friends anymore.

And yet, Regulus hated to admit that sometimes he kind of missed hearing James call him Reggie. And what James just said caught his attention.

James liked him more than Sirius back then.

James liked him more than Sirius.

James liked him.

"Shut up, Prongs!” Sirius laughed, lightly punching James’s shoulder. “How can you say that? We've been together since we were basically fetuses." They joked. They laughed. Regulus glanced at Remus who still hadn’t moved. Eyes closed. Is he asleep?

"You guys want to grab drive-thru?" James asked, glancing at Regulus in the mirror. Again.

"I’d like to if they agree." Sirius replied shamelessly. "Do you want to grab something, brother?"

"Up to both of you." Regulus said, glancing at his brother who simply nodded.

"Remus?" Sirius asked, this time not just through the mirror but turning to look directly at Remus. 

Remus opened his eyes, looked straight back at Sirius. They held eye contact. Regulus watched their faces, their expressions.

It looks like they were holding something in. Like they were one second away from screaming at each other but instead, they say nothing.

"Whatever you like, Sirius." Remus said quietly, his voice soft on Sirius' name. Sirius stared at him for a moment. Silence.

Regulus knows, something is wrong. But what is it?

"You're not asleep yet, right, Remus?" James asked, breaking the silence Sirius had failed to.

"No James, I’m fine. Just go grab something if you want." Remus answered, breaking eye contact with Sirius. Sirius turned away, finally.

So they went. Drove to the nearest drive-thru. Picked up their meals. Then parked, so that they could eat in the car.

"This is so good." Sirius murmured through a mouthful of food.

"Hey, Reg?" James turned to look at Regulus for the first time since they got in the car. “Can I taste yours?"

Regulus stared at James. Screaming in his head. Can I taste yours? Did James really just say that? Then he glanced at Sirius, who didn’t seem to care and just kept eating.

"Don't be stingy with me." James reached out and grabbed Regulus' drink without waiting for a response, took a sip. "This is actually good."

Regulus stayed silent. He didn’t know what to say. James could ruin his whole life so easily. And he knew it.

James could make his life miserable. He understood that, truly. Now. Loving James will ruin his life.

Regulus couldn't help but think about the straws. James' lips had been there before. Was this... some kind of indirect kiss between them? Should he keep using the same straw? Or just throw it away and drink straight from the cup? What should he do? Would it be weird if he just used the straw like nothing had happened? Was anyone even  paying attention?

"Reggie, are you okay?" Sirius asked, worried, because his brother seemed frozen in place.

"I'm okay." Regulus replied, then slowly—carefully, trying not to draw more attention—he took a small sip from his drink.

Is this James's lips feel like? NO! Of course not. It's just a straw. Just an ordinary straw that happened to be used my James—but it wasn't like touching his lips directly. Well... it's just a straw, right? It was a straw. Not a mouth. But James's lips had been there before.

In the past—when he was younger—Regulus had always carried an unhealthy obsession with James. He didn't even understand what it meant back then. He just thought he liked James because that boy was so kind to him—unlike his brother. Regulus never knew at that time that maybe he had unconsciously developed feelings from James.

It was when he was twelve, just as puberty started—that was Regulus first realized that he had never really thought of James as just a brother.

And sadly... he couldn't stop dreaming about James. Not just in that kind of way—puberty's way—but also in other ways too. Like his unconscious mind wanted to replay every moment they'd ever shared, every time he closed his eyes. That was also when Regulus realized how often he dreamed of kissing James's lips. Sometimes, he would purposely share drinks with James, so they could use the same straw and—just like that—Regulus could feel James's lips without making it obvious that he wanted it. No one ever suspected him of doing that because the three of them basically grew up together, and sharing food or drinks was just a normal routine.

"Does the drink taste better?"

Regulus froze, the straw at his lips. He looked at James. Silence.

James... smirked at him? James bloody Potter was smirking at him!

"What do you mean, Prongs?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Nothing. Just thought Regulus's drink must taste better since he won't stop sipping it." James explained casually.

Wait—what? He'd been sipping for that long? For how long? Was James watching him this whole time? Since when?

Was James... Regulus glanced at him again, and that boy—oh that bot—was definitely toying with him right now.

"Maybe he's just thirsty?" Remus said to James. "Is that so strange?"

"Yeah. Could be." James replied with a small smile, then turned away, no longer looking at Regulus.

"Hey, guys. I think I'll head to the toilet. Wait here, okay?" Sirius said as he got out of the car and walked towards the public restroom.

"I'll clean up the trash first." Remus said, gathering their food wrappers into a plastic bag. "Be right back." He followed Sirius outside.

Okay. Now only James and Regulus were left.

Was this going to be another awkward moment tonight?

"Reg." James said softly, turning his head to look at Regulus, who hadn't moved. "Thanks for coming to the show."

Regulus blinked. "Yeah." he answered hesitantly.

"It really meant a lot to me, you know?" James's voice wasn't teasing. "That you were there—it matters to me. So... yeah. Thank you."

Silence. Regulus's heart pounded. Should he say something? James' words were so kind... He'd be lying if he said they didn't make his heart race.

"Yeah... that's what best friends do, Potter." Regulus said quietly. Best friend? Regulus, seriously?

James smiled gently. "You're right. But you know who else does that?" he asked.

"Who?" Regulus asked warily.

"Well... boyfriend do that kind of stuff too."

DEG

DEG

DEG

DEG

Regulus blinked. Hard. His cheeks burned; they had to be bright red. Their eyes locked. How long had this been going on? Why hadn't Sirius or Remus come back yet?

Regulus was the first to break eye contact, turning his head to the side. "Yeah. Whatever, Potter."

"Hey, are you mad? I was just joking, you know?" James said, a hint of guilt in his voice. "Don't be mad at me, Reggie."

"Why shouldn't I be?" Regulus replied.

"Because you used to liked me before."

James was so fucking annoying.

"When we were kids, you liked me more than Sirius. Remember? Because I always took care of you." James declared, shamelessly.

Why do people like him even exist?

"We were kids, Potter." Regulus kind of wanted to punch him in the face at this moment. "Do we look like kids now?"

James tilted his head. "Do you stop liking me?"

That was it.

Regulus flung open the car door and got out, leaving James behind, who was calling after him, insisting he was joking.

But Regulus wasn't mad. He left because he couldn't hide his feelings anymore. If he stayed—like he said—they weren't kids anymore—he could easily lose his sanity and grab James's face to actually kiss him. And that's dangerous. So he had to get out of the car. Before he lost his mind because of James. Oh God, how he wished he could lose the ability to control himself. To kiss James, just once. But he couldn't imagine what would happen afterward. James would probably look at him in disgust.

But...if it was for James, maybe it'd be worth the risk. Right?

Regulus went to the restroom, he needed to wash his face at the sink to gather his sanity back.

Where's Sirius? he wondered as he reached the restroom. The restroom was empty. He wasn't kidnapped, was he? Then he splashing cold water on his face at the sink, trying to regain sanity. After that, he went out, trying to find his brother.

"Aren't you feel cold?"

Then he heard voices—Remus's voice. It sounded like he was talking to someone, so Regulus sneaked closer to the source of the sound. When he was close enough, he hid.

"Yeah. Kind of cold."

It was his brother's voice. Oh. So Sirius was with Remus right now? Regulus squinted to see them clearly, and then he saw them. They were smoking, leaning their backs against the wall.

Wait, his brother smoked? Well, that wasn't surprising, to be honest.

"Why didn't you bring your jacket?" Remus asked Sirius. They weren't looking at each other—more like they were staring at the night sky. Or maybe the moon?

"Well, I forgot. But if you cared enough about me, you could give me yours." Sirius teased with a small laugh.

Sirius was literally the most shameless person Regulus could even think of.

Silence. Then Remus took off his cardigan. Wait, what?

"Remus. I was joking." Sirius glanced at Remus.

"Well, I'm not." Remus said, draping the cardigan over Sirius's shoulders.

"You could get cold, too." Sirius murmured.

"Not as easily as you, apparently." Remus replied, blowing smoke again. They still weren't making eye contact.

Remus stared at the sky while Sirius stared at him. And Regulus stared at both of them—hidden. They didn't know—so yeah.

"Thanks." Sirius whispered.

"Did you know 'Sirius' is the brightest star in the sky?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius still glanced at him before finally turning his gaze to the sky. "Yeah. My parents used to tell me that."

"Have you ever seen it?"

"Maybe when I was a kid. But lately, I haven't seen it again."

"Lately, I've been learning about constellations and stuff." Remus explained. "If you don't mind, I'd like to ask for your help—to teach me how to find them in the sky."

Sirius froze. Regulus couldn't see their faces clearly in the dark, but their voices were clear—maybe because it was quiet enough around them. But he could tell his brother was freezing right now.

"You want me to teach you the stars?"

"If you don't mind."

"You know that that can't be done over the phone, right? It'd be easier if we—"

"I know. We can hang out when you have time, whenever you're free." Remus cut him off.

"Just us?"

"Do you want to ask the others?"

"No!" Sirius blurted. "Not that I don't want to hang out with them, but if we all tried to watch the stars together... I can't do that alone. It's not easy, you know. James would ask weird questions, Peter too, Marlene would be worse—she'd probably bring Dorcas and then—" Sirius started rambling.

"Okay. Just us, then." Remus interrupted gently. "Sounds good?" he asked softly while looking at Sirius, who was shorter than him.

"Yeah. Sounds good."

They fell silent.

"Reg, what are you doing?" James's whispered voice made Regulus turn to him.

"James? Why are you here?" Regulus whispered back, grabbing James's hand so he would crouch down and get closer.

James blinked—and their faces were so close now. Close enough that James could tell what color Regulus's eyes were.

"What are you doing here? Hiding like this?"

"I'm hiding so I can see my brother. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be in the car?"

"I needed to pee, and since you kind of disappeared. I was looking for you." James replied once he gathered himself. Regulus's eyes... are they blue? Or maybe grey? James would have to pay more attention to Regulus's eyes after this.

Regulus shook his head, seeing James's expression.

"Why are we such pricks?" James asked, looking in Regulus's direction.

"We're spying Potter."

"Spying on your brother?"

"Yes."

"Wait. Isn't kinda of rude?" James glanced at Regulus, who was right beside him. Their shoulders touched.

Regulus looked at James too. Wasn't he the one who told Sirius he deserved privacy earlier in their kitchen? And now, he was the one breaking into Sirius's private life?

"You were right." Regulus whispered. "Okay. We'll go back to the car, then."

"Well. If you say so." James shrugged.

They both snuck away from their hiding place, leaving Sirius and Remus behind, heading back to James's car.

"Wait, Potter." Regulus held James's hand—their first skin contact since they'd talked again.

James seemed surprised but held himself back from flirting. Somehow, he believed Regulus had the capability to ignore him again.

"What?"

"Promise me you won't tell Siri what just happened?"

James blinked at Regulus, not answering. He seemed mesmerized by Regulus's face. They'd been friends for so long. James was there when Regulus was born even though they just one year apart, always there until they were now in high school. Even when they weren't friends anymore, James always noticed him. He knew where Regulus sat in the canteen, what mall Regulus liked to hang out with friends.

As he looked at Regulus now, all he could think of was that little eleven-year-old boy on the beach. The one who demanded James put him before Sirius. The one who always called his name and followed him everywhere. His face might be older. His jaw sharper. His hands colder. His words less kind. But his eyes—oh, his eyes—were still the same. Sparkling and full of hope. Like a puppy's. The cutest one.

Regulus might wear a new skin now—as the quiet, dark, mysterious Black brother—but for James, Regulus was still Regulus. The softest boy he'd ever known. Always his Regulus. No matter what.

"James?"

"Oh. Yeah. What?"

"Why are you freezing? Are you sick?" Regulus touched James's forehead. Checking on him. His hand was cold. But James's body heated instantly at the touch.

"I'm okay, Reggie." James grabbed Regulus's hand. Their eyes locked again.

"Uhm. Promise you won't tell Siri?" Regulus asked.

James want to laugh—not because it was funny, but because he didn't know how else to express the joy in his chest. "Yeah. I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Regulus asked, holding out his pinky.

James chuckled softly. This was the Regulus he always knew. The only Regulus he'd ever known.

"Yeah. Pinky promise."

They made the promise the way they used to when they were kids. The secret gesture that only they knew among their families. Their secret.

How many secrets would they end up keeping?

Chapter Text

Finally, they all went home. The last part of the ride was filled with jokes and light conversation among the four of them. The atmosphere inside the car felt warm and relaxed—no longer awkward like before.

Regulus kept sneaking glances at Sirius, who was wearing Remus's cardigan. His brother looked oddly... happy. Happier than usual. But couldn't possibly be because of the cardigan, right? No way. His brother wasn't gay. At least, not as far as Regulus knew. Or... was he?

"Thanks, mates." Sirius said casually as he and Regulus stepped out of the car.

"Yeah. Rest well, you two." James replied, his gaze lingering on Regulus after Sirius had already towards the house. "See you tomorrow, Reggie."

"Yeah. Potter." Regulus hesitated, then added quietly. "Thanks."

"For what?"

They weren't standing too far apart, so they could speak softly without drawing attention.

"For keeping my secret."

James's expression softened. His eyes gentle, his voice low. "I'd do anything for you, Reggie. Just say the word, and I'll do it."

Regulus fell silent, locking eyes with him for moment too long. Was James just teasing? But... why did his eyes seem so sincere?

"Reggie! What are you doing?" Sirius suddenly called from the front door, throwing him a curious glance.

"Nothing." Regulus muttered, breaking the eye contact and quickly following his brother inside.

"Bye, Prongs!" Sirius shouted to James before closing the door.

James drove off, unaware that Regulus was watching him quietly from his bedroom window, following the car with his eyes until it finally disappeared from view.

He sighed, turning away to clean himself up and get ready for bed. Lying under the covers, staring at the ceiling, his mind refused to rest.

Why did James act so strangely today?

Was Regulus the only one who felt James was... flirting with him the whole time? Or was it just because Regulus liked James too much that he wanted to think so? Maybe he was just imagining things again. But the thought made his heart race and his chest tighten uncomfortably. He had class tomorrow, but his body refused to sleep.

"I'd do anything for you, Reggie."

"Just say the word, and I'll do it."

What did James mean by that? They weren't kids anymore. There was nothing James needed to do for him. What else could Regulus possibly want from James, anyway? Oh—one thing came to mind. Something he probably shouldn't even think about. Something that would never happen. 

"You're going to be the death of me, Potter." Regulus whispered.

He grabbed his phone and opened his gallery, scrolling to the two pictures of James he'd secretly taken earlier.

The first one—James focusing on his guitar, head bowed, messy hair falling into his face looking unbearably hot. God, he looked beautiful. James look so naturally handsome without even trying.

The second—James and Sirius, leaning back against each other as they sang, smiling wide. Looking so perfect together.

Whoever ended up marrying James—or even Sirius—would be a damn lucky person. Waking up to that face every morning? Unfair.

Regulus sighed and put his phone down to charge. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to sleep. But just as he started to drift, his phone buzzed. His heart jumped. He grabbed if fast, hoping...

James

I'm home, in case you wanted to know.

A small smile crept onto Regulus's face. James had texted him—even though Regulus hadn't asked.

Regulus

Then, go clean yourself before bed.

James

I will... but you know it'll take time.

James replied quickly, and so did Regulus.

Regulus

So?

James

If I clean up... I can't text you.

Regulus paused, staring at the screen. Did James always text people like this? Always sounding like he was flirting? Wait—did James even have a girlfriend? Regulus had never really thought about that before. Was he even dating anyone? This was James's last year before college, after all.

Regulus

Go clean yourself.

I want to sleep anyway.

He put the phone down, closing his eyes again. The phone buzzed once more, but he ignored it this time. His mind was spinning. He knew he couldn't have James. But it still hurt to think of James possibly being with someone else. Some lucky girl...

"Morning, honey." Walburga greeted warmly as Regulus finally came out of his room, fully dressed.

"Morning, Mom." He kissed her cheek, then moved to his father. "Morning, Dad."

"Morning, Reggie." Orion muttered from behind his newspaper.

"Why didn't you kiss me too?" Sirius whined playfully.

Regulus glanced at him—and immediately noticed he was wearing Remus's cardigan again. "I see you're wearing Remus's cardigan." He said flatly.

Sirius coughed awkwardly, glancing at him in mild panic. "Shut up."

"Remus? Isn't that your new friend with James?" Walburga asked. Sirius shot Regulus a glare before turning to their mother.

"Yeah, Mom. You remember him?"

"Of course. But I haven't seen him yet." She handed Regulus a plate full of breakfast. He thanked her quietly. "Why hasn't he come by?"

"He's busy. And I'm hardly home either." Sirius said casually.

"He's right, Love." Orion chimed in. "We're lucky to have this rock star home for breakfast." Orion teased Sirius.

"Stop it, Dad." Sirius pouted. "You didn't even watch my performance yesterday."

"Oh. Siri we wanted to—but work. And Pandora sent the video, so technically we did see you." Orion reasoned.

"But it 's not the same, Dad!"

"We'll come next one. Okay, honey?" Walburga soothed, stroking Sirius's hair gently. "Maybe with the Potters? Effie said she was upset she missed seeing James, too."

Regulus quietly ate his breakfast, listening carefully—especially whenever the Potters were mentioned.

"Yeah. James was so hot yesterday, Mom." Sirius grinned. "But obviously, I was hotter."

"I believe you, Siri. I don't know how James could outshine my talented, handsome son." Orion teased—but with a real pride. Regulus knew how much their parents adored Sirius. He was the perfect son in their eyes—good at everything, loved by everyone.

"Who's hotter, Reggie?" Walburga suddenly asked with a soft smile. "James or Sirius? I'll believe whoever you say."

"It's me, right, Reggie?" Sirius grinned widely.

Regulus glanced at his brother, then awkwardly coughed. "James, of course." he muttered.

"No way. How could you betray me like that?!" Sirius gasped, dramatically clutching his chest.

Regulus ignored him and returned to his breakfast—but he caught Walburga smiling softly at him.

"Then James it is." she said lightly.

The rest of breakfast went smoothly, like every morning. They chatted and joked—well, everyone but Regulus. He stayed quiet, listening.

"I might be late again tonight, Mom." Sirius said as he grabbed his bag. "I'll bring the key."

"Of course, honey."

"I'm going too." Regulus said, kissing his parents on the cheek before following Sirius out the door.

His face stayed calm. But inside, everything was still quiet mess.

Regulus sat beside Sirius in the car as they headed to school. Sometimes, when Sirius decided to drive himself, Regulus would join him. But most of the time Sirius was too lazy to do that, and he'd just ask James to pick him up instead. When that happened, Regulus usually got a ride from his father or from Barty. Something like that.

"How can you said James is hotter than me?" Sirius was still protesting from the driver's seat.

His brother was so dramatic.

"Well, can I have my own opinion?"

"But you know I'm always hotter than him, right?"

"Not in my opinion."

"Reggie... you should back up your brother."

"Sirius cut it out. It's not even a big deal."

"It is! How can James be hotter than me? Explain."

Regulus sighed. He couldn't believe that, this early in the morning—after barely getting enough sleep—he was being dragged into feeding Sirius's ego.

"His hair is messy, his shirt is cool, his guitar's good, his voice is good, his eyes are sparkling—"

"How the hell do you know that? You can't even see James's eyes when he's on the stage!"

Regulus stopped, thinking. Wait. Did he just... accidentally confess how hot James was? Out loud? To Sirius of all people? Oh no. This could spiral out of control fast if he didn't stay calm.

"You're hotter. Satisfied?" Regulus grumbled quickly, trying to cover his slip before his sanity cracked further.

"Correct answer. Make sure you tell our parents when we get home." Sirius grinned.

Regulus rolled his eyes at his brother's silliness. Then he said. "Why are you wearing Remus's cardigan?"

Sirius let out a little cough before answering. "He lent it to me last night."

"Oh. And you just agreed? What a prick." Regulus muttered.

"Hey. Don't say that."

"How could you let Remus go home without his cardigan."

"I'll give it back today."

"Hm." Regulus mocked his brother in silence. He could've asked was really going on between Sirius and Remus, but he was too tired to deal with his brother's drama on top of everything else, especially after such a lack of sleep.

His mind wandered to the last message he'd received from James—the one he'd purposely left unopened because of unnecessary overthinking.

"Sleep well then. I'll clean myself, not because I want to, but because you told me to."

Was this what James meant when he said he'd do anything Regulus told him? This was weird, right? What kind of friends did stuff like this? Not even he and Evan or Barty acted like this. Did Sirius and James act this way too in their friendship? If so... they definitely looked like a couple.

Regulus hadn't replied to James yet—because he genuinely didn't know what the hell to say.

"Okay. We're here." Sirius said, snapping Regulus out of his thoughts.

"Thanks, Sirius." Regulus muttered as he got out of the car.

"Okay, bye." Sirius waved before driving of to the parking lot.

Regulus felt absolutely exhausted today. Two days without sleep properly had worn him down completely. And all of this? All of this was James's fault. Two days, and James had already managed to ruin his life. How long was this idiot planning to keep ruining it? Regulus couldn't help but wonder.

"You look soulless." Evan said, walking beside him toward the cafeteria for break.

"Yeah. Barely slept."

"Is something wrong? You're not the type to stay up late like this."

Regulus considered telling Evan that someone had completely fucked his mind—but of course he didn't. Instead, he simply muttered. "I don't know. Maybe it just happened."

"Is something bothering you?"

"Not really. Do you usually stay up late when something's on your mind?" Regulus asked, turning the question back on Evan.

Evan went quiet a moment. Yep. Evan definitely the type of person who couldn't sleep when thoughts invaded his head.

"Yeah. I do." He admitted quietly. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone?"

Regulus looked at Evan as they stopped walking in the corridor. The others had already gone to the canteen to grab seats—just the two of them here now.

Great. Another secret. But this time, not his own..

"What is it, Evan?" Regulus asked gently.

"Can we... go somewhere else? Somewhere quiet, so we can talk?"

Whatever this was, it was really weighing on Evan's mind. He needed someone to hear him.

"Yeah. Let's go."

They walked outside to the school yard and sat beneath the big old tree where they usually hung out. Regulus watched Evan with quiet care—as much as he could show, anyway. He was never good at expressing emotions. That was Sirius's speciality.

Evan let out a heavy sigh, staring at the ground like he was struggling with what to say.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me. We can just sit here in silence." Regulus said softly. He didn't want to force Evan into anything. That wasn't his way. Maybe Barty's—but not his.

"No. I need to get this out." Evan's voice was barely above a whisper as he looked at Regulus with an unreadable expression. "Have you ever... thought about someone?"

"Like... someone I liked?" Regulus asked cautiously.

"Yeah. Something like that..."

"Well. We've all done that, haven't we?"

"Hm." Evan hummed, lost in thought. "But what if... it's not a girl you're thinking about."

Silence.

Regulus blinked. Wait... what?

"Like... thinking about a boy?" Regulus said quietly.

Still silence. Their eyes locked. And then Regulus knew. He could see it in Evan's face. The thing that had been bothering him—Regulus knew it, because he'd been struggling with same thing for years.

"Yeah... that." Evan muttered, breaking eye contact and staring down at the grass.

"I have." Regulus admitted softly. He could trust Evan with this, right? Evan was trusting him too.

"You do?" Evan looked at him again, hope flickering in his eyes.

"Yeah. Well..." Regulus fumbled for words. "We can feel things like that, right?"

"I don't know..." Evan looked sad. "I keep thinking about him, and I haven't slept well for in days."

"Yeah. Not easy stuff." Regulus said. God, this was sad but... also beautiful. Pure. As a friend, Regulus felt the weight of Evan's feelings—but he was also glad they could share this. Come out to each other like this. It felt real. Honest.

"Why don't you just tell him?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Well... He's not into boy, I think?"

"Oh." Yep. They were both totally screwed.

"How about you? Have you told... him?" Evan asked gently.

"Same problem." Regulus said with a bitter smile.

"We really are messed up."

"Yeah. We are."

"Can this be our secret?" Evan asked.

"Yeah. Sure, mate." Regulus chuckled. "Not like I was planning to come out anytime soon."

"Same, dude." Evan laughed softly.

And just like that, they laughed together at the messy disaster that was their lives. But to have someone in this moment—it was the best thing they could've asked for.

They hurried back to class, not having enough time to stop by the canteen in the end.

"Hey, why didn't you two show up?" Barty's voice shot toward them as they entered, his eyes narrowing, clearly annoyed.

"We had... stuff to do." Regulus muttered as he slid into his seat.

"What stuff?" Pandora asked, concerned.

"Noting important, sis." Now Evan replied.

"Look like they've got a secret without us." Dorcas muttered, eyeing them curiously.

"It's nothing, Dorcas."

"Whatever." Barty was clearly the most pissed among them.

"Oh yeah. Reggie, someone looking for you before." Pandora said, making Regulus perk up.

"Who?"

"Well... kinda unusual but—yeah." Pandora handed him a plastic bag containing bread and strawberry milk.

"What's this?"

"That someone gave it to you." Dorcas added, her tone teasing.

"Who?" Regulus asked again, taking the bag.

"James bloody Potter." Barty sneered.

"What???" Evan looked at Regulus. Okay. This was definitely not normal. Not even Regulus understood what the hell was going on.

"James said you might need it, since you skipped the canteen."

"What's happening between you two?"

"I don't know. He's insane." Regulus shoved the bag onto his table. "You know, he likes acting like a big brother? That's his type."

"Never saw him done that before." His friends were all staring at him, wide-eyed. But they weren't the only ones wondering. Regulus was wondering too.

"Alright, class!." Their teacher's voice broke the tension, forcing the group to abandon their speculations as their turned their attention to the front.

Regulus spent the lesson ignoring everything, sneaking glances at the bread and milk hidden under his desk. It was fine—he'd already learned this material. But he couldn't focus. He needed answers. So he raised his hand and asked to go to the restroom.

Once there, he pulled out his phone to text James. But before he could type a word, someone tapped his shoulder.

He turned around.

Well. Guess he didn't need to text James after all.

"Reg?"

"Potter?"

"Why are you here?"

"Why are you here?" Regulus shot back, trying to stay calm.

"Well... I was walking past and saw some mysterious pretty boy rushing to the toilet, so I followed him."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was why Sirius and James stayed friends so long. Same shamelessness gene in their DNA. Because who the hell said something like that?

"Have I told you how shameless you are, Potter?"

"I thought we were past the Potter stage." James grinned. "But you still haven't told me how shameless I am."

"You're a very shameless person. Now, I understand how you and Sirius can stand each other this long." Regulus folded his arms, staring at James. Locked eyes.

James smiled, leaning casually against the wall, still watching him. Why did he always like he was flirting these days? Was it in Regulus's head? Or was this real? Who could he even ask about this? Sirius? No way.

"But you know, Reggie..." James smirked. "Why haven't you told me about the part where I was hotter than Sirius?"

Regulus nearly chocked on air. He wanted to sink into the floor. What the actual hell? Had Sirius already run his stupid mouth about their morning conversation? Damn Sirius for telling James about that stupid conversation.

"I was just trying to piss off Siri." Regulus answered flatly, his glare sharpening into pure ice.

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Reggie." James murmured, stepping closer—too close—titling his head with that infuriating grin. "By the way... you're blushing.”

James smirked, brushing past Regulus with casual ease, heading toward the door like he hadn't just detonated a nuclear bomb in Regulus's chest.

Regulus froze, breath caught somewhere in his throat. Goosebumps rose along his arms. He couldn't speak. Couldn't think. Couldn't barely breathe.

"Oh, and don't forget to eat the bread." James called smoothly over his shoulder before slipping out the door.

The bread.

James didn't even wait for an answer. Maybe he knew Regulus couldn't give one. Regulus gripped the sink, trying desperately to calm storm inside him. He struggled to pull himself together. He knew his face was burning red. What the hell was happening?

So many things swirled in his mind.

Mysterious pretty boy.

Why haven't you told me about the part where I was hotter than Sirius?.

By the way, you're blushing.

Oh, and don't forget to eat the bread.

With this much chaos... which should he think about first? Too much clues. Too much teasing. What the hell was happening?

He was kind of sure—James was flirting with him.

This wasn't normal.

But if James was flirting... what was his goal? Did he really want to date Regulus?

Should he ask Sirius if James had a girlfriend?

Wait.

James... into boy?

Oh, no.

Now Regulus was definitely freaking out.

Chapter Text

Regulus wishes he could bang his head against the wall and then pass out. Because right now, he feels so embarrassed by what just happened to him. He finishes the rest of his class trying to focus on the lecture, even though it doesn't go as well  as he hoped.

"Reggie, you look like you're about to vomit." Pandora says, touching Regulus's shoulder after the class ends.

Regulus looks at Pandora and doesn't even try to deny the vomiting part—because honestly, if he could, he would've thrown up already. He would do anything to clear his head at this point. What's happening to him now is so far beyond anything anyone could have imagined.

Evan, Barty, and Dorcas are all looking at Regulus concern, circling around his chair like anxious satellites.

"Are you sick?" Barty asks, placing the back of his hand against Regulus's forehead.

"I'm okay. Just didn't sleep enough." Regulus assures them as he stuffs his belongings into his ransel. Then he sees the plastic bag from James. His stomach churns just at the sight of it. 

"Oh, and don't forget to eat the bread."

James's voice echoes in his head like a broken radio.

"Okay. We'll drive you home then." Evan offers warmly, and the rest of the group nods in agreement.

"But... weren't you going to the mall?" Regulus asked confused. It's because before they all had planned to go to the mall on Monday after school. And Regulus feels not well, he decided to skipped the hang out for today.

"It's okay. We'll drop you off first." Dorcas says, smiling at Regulus.

Regulus can feel how deeply his friends care for him. They don't want to leave him behind when he's clearly not doing well.

But that's the problem...

Regulus kind of not sure that he needed them right now. His mind is kind of thinking about someone else right now. Someone he shouldn't be thinking about.

"It's okay, guys." Regulus says at last, grabbing the plastic bag and slipping it into his backpack then stands up. "You can go. I'll head home on my own."

"Regulus, it's fine. Let us drive you." Barty insists, trying to get him to accept their good intentions.

"No, Barty. The mall's closer to school than my house—don't waste your time." Regulus stares at him, stubbornly refusing his offer. "Have fun, all of you." He glances around at his friends' faces and smiles.

"Why are you so stubborn?" Evan asks softly. If it were Barty, his face wouldn't be that soft—because Barty kind of can't hide his true feelings. So, when you annoy him, it's obvious. But this is Evan—he's the softest boy Regulus has ever known.

"Evan... I'm not a child." Regulus replies with a sigh. His friends exchange silent glances, clearly discussing the matter with their eyes.

"Well... if you say so." Pandora says at last. It's like they all agree to let Regulus win. Maybe they don't want to seem overprotective to someone their age. Clearly, Regulus isn't a baby.

"Thanks for understanding." Regulus smiles at them. "Have fun, okay?"

"How are we supposed to have fun if you're not there?" Barty says with frown, folding his arms.

"But... you have Evan." Regulus says, trying to joke. "Didn't you say you had to cancel a date with him? Now's your chance to make up for it."

Pandora and Dorcas chuckle after hearing Regulus, but Barty and Evan look like too stunned to speak. Which is weird because, as Regulus knows, Barty is so invested in flirting with Evan—it's part of his personality. They just got used to with Barty and his flirts stuff with Evan.

"Don't tease my brother like that, Reggie." Pandora said finally, and then went out first, followed by Dorcas.

"Nice one, baby Black." Dorcas adds as she passes Regulus.

"You shouldn't have done that." Barty pouts at last. "I'm the only one who gets to tease Evan, not you."

"Hey, Barty. Who said you had exclusive rights?" Evan fires back, glaring at him.

"Hey. How could you say that? After everything we've done."

Regulus just watches the drama unfold.

"Maybe I'm just tired of your flirting." Evan shrugs. "Maybe I'm looking for someone who's better at it." It's clearly a joke... or at least it's supposed to be. But Evan's voice doesn't sound like he's joking. That's what makes Regulus freeze.

"Don't even think about getting bored of me, Evan." Barty warns, wraps his arm around Evan's shoulder and somehow closes the distance between them—but not in a way like he wants to kiss Evan.

"Fuck off, Bee." Evan muttered. "Bye, Reggie." Evan said and he walks pass Regulus, followed by Barty—of course—because his hand still around Evan's shoulder.

"Bye, Reggie." Barty throws over his shoulder before the two disappear down the corridor.

Regulus lets out a heavy breath and steps out of the classroom. His head is full—too full. Most of it is about James, of course.

"At least I won't have to see him again." Regulus murmurs under his breath.

But of course, Regulus rarely gets what he wishes for. Because now, he can clearly see James Potter leaning against his car, which is parked right in front of him as soon as he reaches the school yard. James looks like he's waiting for someone. Oh, Regulus wishes that he isn't the one James is waiting for.

So he just walks casually, passing James like he used to before their recent interactions.

"Not so fast, Black." James now stands in front of him, blocking his path.

Regulus stop, then look at James. Feeling... well, he doesn't know what he feels.

"Potter."

"Why did you ignore me like that?" James grins, folding his arms across his chest. His body is bigger than Regulus's, of course—he's good at sports, after all.

"Is it just me, or do you seem a little obsessed with me lately?" Regulus asks sharply, glaring at James. He has to say it, because he doesn't want to be pathetic. He doesn't want to hope too much, especially when he's the only one who feels this way.

Clearly, James Potter doesn't like him—not in the same way he likes James.

James looks at Regulus, kind of shocked, clearly unable to hide his expression. He doesn't seem to have the ability, maybe because he's an expressive person.

Seeing James stay silent, Regulus is grateful he finally managed to shut the boy's lips—even if not in the way he wished.

Then, Regulus uses that moment of silence to walk past James, uninterested in staying a second longer than necessary.

"Wait, Regulus." James grabs his wrist, making Regulus look back at him. Now he's the one who's shocked.

James blinks, suddenly realizing he'd touched Regulus without asking. Regulus blinks too—caught off guard by the gesture, and by whatever the hell it meant.

"Potter..."

"Listen, I'm sorry." James releases his hand, gaze dropping for a second before meeting Regulus'e eyes again—eyes that are still waiting, unyielding. "Why can't we talk like we used to?"

"Potter." Regulus says his name like a warning, sharp and tired.

What the hell does James want from him now?

"We promised we'd stay friends, didn't we? Best friends?" James tries again, almost pleading, referencing those stupid text messages they sent each other before—messages Regulus never thought meant anything real.

"What do you want from me, honestly?" Regulus sighs, his voice flat, shoulders tight. If he could crack open James's head and read his thoughts, he would. It would be easier than this. So much easier than guessing.

"You." James says it like it's obvious, like it's the simplest thing in the world.

Regulus frowns, hard. He prays he's not turning red.

Because once again—what the actual hell, James Potter?

"You're more insane than Sirius." Regulus mutters, turning to leave again before—

"No, wait—I mean, Regulus... can I have your company?" James's voice is softer this time, stopping him in his tracks.

Regulus stops.

"I just need your company." James repeats, steadier now. Like he's sure.

Company.

Regulus thinks. Just two days ago he was lying on his bed, spiraling, telling himself James didn't need him. That James already had every kind of company he wanted. The whole world orbiting around him.

And now, here James is, standing in front of him, asking for him. And saying it like he means it. As if Regulus is something he doesn't already have. As if Regulus is needed.

He sees it in James's eyes—clear and desperate:

Please.

Regulus stares at him, hard, trying to decipher the chaos behind that expression. He wishes he could read minds. Just for one second. But all he sees are scrambled signals, layered meanings, and feelings James probably doesn't even realize he's showing.

"You're such a baby." Regulus mutters, quietly, almost fond despite himself.

James glances at him, deadpan, before letting out a small breath. "When have I ever not been a baby around you?" he says with a chuckle, his eyes closing briefly as he smiles.

God. He's so goddamn handsome.

"Aren't you supposed to be the mature one here?" Regulus mumbles. "You always acted like my babysitter." He fighting every stupid feeling inside him.

"Well, Reggie." James steps closer—not too close, but enough that Regulus can feel the shift in the air. His eyes never leaving Regulus's. "Maybe now it's your turn to babysit me."

"I never asked you to babysit me in the first place, James."

"You sure?" James grins, and Regulus feels that grin like a punch to the chest.

Regulus thinks—What a curse. What a blessing. To be dating someone this handsome. Wait, dating?

"Whatever." Regulus whispers, breaking eye contact. "Why are you still here? You're not waiting for me, are you?"

"Well, in fact, I am." James answers shamelessly. As it it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Where's Sirius?" Regulus asks, narrowing his eyes.

"He's probably off doing his own thing. We split up. But honestly, even if he didn't have plans, I'd still be here. Waiting for you."

Regulus has no idea how to respond. Is there ever going to be a day when James Potter doesn't catch him completely off-guard? He doubts it. But maybe—just maybe—he's starting not to mind.

"Why?" he asks, finally.

"Because I want to go home with you." James says it with a smile. The real kind.

Regulus thinks back earlier—how he turned down his friends earlier because he wasn't feeling great, sick with something he couldn't name. And now, just from standing here with this utterly shameless boy, he's already feeling better. Which makes zero sense.

It doesn't make sense. But it doesn't have to.

"Okay." Regulus says, giving in. Too drained to keep resisting.

"Okay?" James sounds surprised by how easily he gave in. Like he wasn't expecting that.

"If I have to say it again, I'm leaving you here." Regulus replies with a glare.

"Okay, sir." James grins, already walking toward the car. Regulus follows with reluctant footsteps—and an unwilling heart that keeps speeding up.

And as Regulus follows, he wonders—why even try to keep his composure or act normal when the one who threw his whole world and heart into chaos is standing there, arms wide open?

Maybe this is it. Maybe he should just give in. Let go of the tightrope walk and allow himself this weird, chaotic slice of life that wasn't handed to him by Sirius Black.

Maybe—just maybe—he can have his sun after all.

What's the worst that could happen, really, if Regulus just keeps mouth shut and doesn't say anything stupid to James?

...Right?

He wasn't going say anything stupid.

Right?

So here they were now—in James's car. And surprisingly, there was no awkwardness at all. It felt natural, like slipping into an old, familiar rhythm from when they were younger. Even though Regulus clearly had a thousand things running through his head, none of it showed on his face. He'd gotten good at hiding his emotions. Too good.

"Have you eaten the bread yet?" James asked, his eyes focused on the road but sneaking occasional glances at Regulus.

Regulus blinked, almost forgetting about the bread. "Not yet." he muttered lazily as he pulled the bag out of his backpack. He unwrapped the bread and took a bite without much thought.

James let out a quiet laugh when he saw him. There was something about the way Regulus ate that amused him.

"What?" Regulus asked, casting a glance at James, confused by the soft chuckle.

James turned to look at him when the car stopped at a red light. "It's been a long time since I've seen you like this again." he said, offering a small, warm smile. The kind of smile that Regulus secretly hated— because it made him want to tuck the moment into the deepest part of his memory, keep it forever.

"Like what?" Regulus asked, trying to keep his face flat. It was hard, but he managed.

"Like... Regulus. Not the one who always has sharp eyes and rarely speaks kindly. The other Regulus—the one who used to smile, pout, and be... cute."

Their gazes locked. Regulus wasn't sure why, but lately, it felt like he and James were locking eyes far more than he could count. Did they always do this when they were younger?

"Well. Apparently, both are Regulus. So good luck handling both sides." Regulus muttered, feeling a faint, unwelcome flush creep up his neck. It was embarrassing how James describe him—as if James had always been paying attention. That alone was overwhelming.

Always smiling, pouting, and cute.

But also:

Sharp eyes and rarely speaks kindly.

It wasn't supposed to feel this deep or emotional—but for Regulus, everything felt a little emotional. Maybe because he valued feelings so much.

"Never felt otherwise, though." James murmured as the light turned green and the car moved forward.

Regulus sneaked a glance at James—his messy hair, glasses slipping down his nose, the red t-shirt that fit perfectly against his body. His arms were muscular now, and Regulus couldn't help but notice them under the short sleeves. When did James get this... big? Sure, James always loved sports, even back then. But seeing him this close after all these years—it hit differently.

"Reg?" James repeated, pulling Regulus from his thoughts.

"What?" Regulus blinked, startled. Was he daydreaming again? James was already looking at him, clearly trying to get his attention for a moment.

"There you are, sweetheart." James said casually, making Regulus's stomach twist uncomfortably. "I said—can I have some of that bread, too?"

Regulus blinked again, then—without thinking—held the bread up to James's mouth, feeding him without hesitation, like muscle memory. His body moved before his brain could stop it.

"Oh. This is good." James said as he chewed happily.

Regulus froze for a moment, stunned by the sight of the boy beside him. God, James was gorgeous. Not just handsome—gorgeous. And 'gorgeous' didn't even feel like a strong enough word—but it was the best he had.

"You should've bought your own, Potter." Regulus finally managed to say, forcing himself to stop staring. He quietly took another bite from the bread—right where James mouth had been. Another indirect kiss. Regulus bit back a smile, praying James wouldn't notice.

"You like it?" James asked, his tone light. Even though he wasn't looking at Regulus, the younger boy could feel the weight of his attention. Paranoia—or maybe just the truth. Maybe he was definitely going insane.

"Yeah." Regulus whispered.

"Okay." James smiled. Regulus didn't even need to see it—he just knew.

"So... you know where my brother is? It's strange seeing you two apart." Regulus asked, desperately trying to shift the conversation and distract his racing heart.

"Well... I don't know but he did mention something about needing privacy." James tried to recall what Sirius had told him. "He said it was some privacy thing you taught him. For... us."

James hesitated, unsure if he was explaining it right.

Regulus chuckled. Then, unexpectedly, he laughed—a bright, genuine sound he rarely let out. James glanced at him, mesmerized by the rare sight of Regulus laughing so freely. Merlin, he'd missed that laugh. Regulus was so pretty. Always had been. And James knew it. Always.

"What's so funny?" James asked, curious. Could he keep that laugh forever?

"Nothing." Regulus said after catching his breath. "I just never thought Siri would actually take my advice. Especially, when he once said you two couldn't possibly have privacy because, apparently, you're twins."

"What? He said that?"

"Yes. He did."

"Why would he even say that? Not that I'd mind being his twins, but... I need context, please."

James's question left Regulus momentarily stunned. Because the reason Sirius had said that... was because he upset clearly frustrated that he didn't know why James was late to their last practice. And the reason? Because James had been driving Regulus home. Should he ask James about it, then? About what actually happened that day?

"James..." Regulus whispered, turning to look at him—only to find James already looking back. When did they arrive at house? He hadn't even noticed.

"Hmm?" James hummed, waiting.

"That day." Regulus began softly. "When you drove me home... Why did you lie about picking up Sirius?"

Now it was James's turn to freeze. He clearly hadn't prepared for this question. He blinked nervously.

"I... uhm." he rubbed the back of his neck, awkward. "I just couldn't help it."

"Couldn't help... what?" Regulus asked, hesitating but locking his gaze on James. The older boy was struggling to meet his eyes,  his breath shallow, swallowing hard, nervous. Regulus knew this look—he'd seen James nervous before.

"When I saw you that day..." James said quietly, pausing. Regulus waited. "I just—missed you. And there you were... easy to reach."

Silence. Heavy, pulsing between them. They could almost hear their own heartbeats.

"I..." Regulus breathed, debating if he could say this. James glanced at him, waiting. "I guess I missed you too, James."

Idiot. Fool. Stupid Regulus Black. Wasn't he the one who swore himself not to say anything foolish or reckless? And here he was—spilling nonsense because James's damn sincerity.

"You did?" James asked—softly, like he was hoping. Too hopeful. Or maybe Regulus imagined that.

"Well. Yeah. We used to be best friends, after all." Regulus muttered, cringing at his own cowardice. Best friends? Really, Regulus? What a lie.

James looked... unreadable. Not happy. Not sad. Like he'd expecting—hoped—for something else. Or maybe not. Maybe Regulus was imagining things. Maybe he wanted James to hope. But maybe James didn't.

"Yeah. We did." James said quietly, clearing his throat. "Anyway, we're here."

Regulus nodded, reaching for the door. Before he stepped out, he glanced at James one last time. "Thanks, James." he said softly.

James's eyes sparkled at the gentle words. "Yeah..."

Regulus stepped out, but before he got far, James called after him. "Hey, Reg!"

He turned, waiting.

"Is it okay if I... do this again tomorrow?" James asked, bold and unhesitating.

Regulus blinked. His whole body felt hot; his cheeks burned. "Sure... If you want to." He replied finally.

"I want to." James smiled, then drove off.

Regulus stood there, stunned but smiling shyly. What was happening to them? This wasn't just him anymore.

Could he survive something this dangerous? Sure. He'd done it before—clinging to James while hiding feelings deep inside. This wasn't new. This was terrifyingly familiar for Regulus Black.

He could survive this. He had to. He hadn't forgotten how to pretend.

He could handle this shit again... right? Like before?

Surely he hadn't forgotten how to fake it or how to bury feelings alive.

Chapter Text

Regulus finished his meal and was already in his room after chatting for a while with his mother. He had changed into comfortable clothes and prepared to do some assignments—because that's what he always did in his free time. He thought about his friends, who were probably having fun at the mall right now.

Regulus kind of thought about how he felt so much better after being with James. Very pathetic of him, really—but what could he do? He took out his books and stationery, ready to start working, but his eyes landed on the strawberry milk James gave him earlier. He hadn't drunk it yet because he'd only eaten the bread. So maybe now was the right time to drink it.

Regulus smiled. Not many people noticed how much he loved strawberry, especially in milk. Maybe just his mom. He even doubted his brother knew. But how on earth James know? Was it a coincidence? Did James just randomly pick a flavor? He didn't know, and he wasn't going to ask. He'd keep that thought in his secret box inside his head. The box he labeled as James Potter—a box filled with all his memories with James since they were younger.

After a while, busy with his own thought, Regulus finally took a sip of the milk, feeling a strange kind of joy. Why did this milk taste so much better than usual? He had no idea. Maybe he'd buy the same one again tomorrow. Just as he began his assignment, his phone buzzed. It wasn't a message—more like someone was calling him.

Maybe one of his friends was checking on him? Regulus picked up the call without checking who it was, still focused on his notes. He could do that—he was used to multitasking when it came to schoolwork.

"Hello?" 

Regulus paused and glanced at the screen. Oh—he realized who it was. It wasn't his friends.

"James?" he asked carefully, his heart starting to race.

"Didn't think you'd pick up that fast." James said. Regulus could hear the teasing in his voice from across the line.

"Why are you calling me?"

"Well... you didn't text me back earlier, so yeah."

Right. Regulus remembered now—he hadn't replied to James's message from last night.

"You needed a reply?" 

"I don't know. But if you don't reply, I wouldn't know if I should keep texting you."

Sure... of course. This was James Potter, after all. Shameless and always straight to the point. And even though Regulus couldn't see his face, he could still feel it—when James was teasing, when he smiled. It was so weird, being able to feel that, but maybe that's just what being friends was like.

"I'll reply. Even if I don't know what to reply." Regulus said honestly. He wasn't good at debating with James, so it was easier to go along.

"Yeah. Appreciate it." James replied. Maybe he was feeling relief. Regulus couldn't really tell.

"Anything else, then?" Regulus asked. Of course, he liked hearing James's voice—but he wasn't going to admit that. Not when he didn't know what the other boy was thinking.

"What are you doing?" James asked, not sounding like he wanted to end the call.

"Nothing, just checking on my assignment." Regulus replied. He wasn't sure if he should ask James back. He never had phone calls like this, especially with someone who wasn't from his usual friend group. He never had this kind of interaction. He never had a crush—besides James, of course. And they've never had a phone call before, so yeah, he was clueless about what to do next.

"Is it a lot?" James asked again, not bothered by the fact that Regulus didn't ask him anything back.

"Not really. Just want to finish it so I'll have more free time soon." Regulus replied again. Now he felt more relaxed. He didn't even know why—maybe because James didn't push him. He just called and talked naturally, like they used to do this before. Even though they didn't.

"Okay. Have you had lunch?"

"I have..." Regulus replied, feeling something under his skin. Something crawling, warming up. "Have you?" he finally asked, for the first time, something about James.

James was silent at first. Maybe Regulus wasn't the only one surprised by his own action.

"I have. Ma made something good and I just couldn't help myself—I ate as soon as I got home." James replied, with the most natural tone Regulus had ever heard. 

"Yeah. Your mom is really good at cooking. I bet it was delicious." Regulus ignored his assignment completely and moved from his chair to his bed. He lay down, trying to calm the excitement he felt in his chest.

"Your mom too... I miss her cooking, you know." James complimented his mom. James was always the type of person who gave praise back when someone complimented him.

"It's not that long since you last came over, though." Sure, James usually came to pick up Sirius, but rarely stopped by. And since he and Sirius were seniors now, they barely hung out at home anymore—more at school or elsewhere. That was also why Sirius was rarely home. But besides that, just last month James had dinner at his house. So it wasn't that long.

"Sirius rarely invites me to over lately." James muttered, not agreeing with Regulus.

"Yeah. Probably because seniors are kinda busy, huh?" Regulus tried to breathe calmly from his excitement.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

"But I wouldn't mind stopping by."

Regulus paused. Was this James trying to ask for an invitation? That didn't sound like him. But Regulus's mind was already messed up, so he just gave it a try—wether it was a joke or not, he didn't know.

"You can come. I can invite you."

DAMN YOU REGULUS! His skins felt itchy.

"Sure. I'd be glad to come over." James said. And even though, Regulus couldn't see his face, he could tell the other boy had a big smile while speaking.

Wait. Was James the one fishing? Or was it him? Did James bait him first and Regulus just bit it, thinking he was the one fishing?

DAMN YOU POTTER! This couldn't be a flirting game, right? James wasn't into him. Not that he wished he was... well, maybe he did.

"Yeah. Just..." Regulus hesitated. What if Sirius found out? He wouldn't be happy if Regulus and James were talking like this. James was his, after all—not Regulus's. "What about my brother?" he asked.

"I'm okay with that, to be honest." James sounded like he really was. Regulus didn't doubt him.

"I just don't want him to think I'm stealing you from him." Regulus said quietly. That was the last thing he wanted to happen between them.

"Is there a problem, Reg?" James asked, hesitant. "I feel like there's is something I don't know between you and Sirius..."

Regulus went quiet. His thoughts drifted back to that moment.

"Why does Regulus have to have everything I have?"

"Not like that, Sirius. He's your brother, after all."

"Yes. I know, but why does he have to take everything? I don't like him stealing James from me."

"Oh, honey... it's not stealing"

"No, maman... James is the only one I have—the only one I wish I didn't have to share with Regulus. Ever since we young, I had to share everything. Even James... I can't do that again."

"Siri..."

Regulus remembered hearing that behind the closed door. That day, his mom and brother didn't know he was home. He was supposed to have a sleepover at James's, since Sirius can't join because he was sick that day.

Regulus froze. He never thought that's how his brother felt about him joining them. Even though he was fourteen and Sirius was fifteen, he suddenly felt like a twelve-year-old boy who didn't know how to react about things.

Was he stealing everything from Sirius all this time?

He never told anyone what he heard. He just faked being sick that day, canceled the sleepover, and never talked about it. That day was supposed to be the first time he sleep over at James's house—but it didn't happen. Maybe it never would. Because that day, Regulus decided to distance himself from both James or Sirius. He couldn't stand it. Even though he had a huge crush on James... he decided to erase it and pretend it never existed. It shouldn't have happened anyway. Maybe it was the way to get over James.

"Nothing." was all Regulus said in the end. He couldn't tell James the truth. About why he ignored James all these two years. But he always believed it wasn't completely Sirius's fault—because in a way, his brother had helped him find a way out, even without realizing it. Regulus planned to bring this truth to the grave. No one would ever know.

"Then why should we hide this from Sirius?" James asked, but not in a pushy way.

Regulus let out a deep breath. "How about I bring you my mom's cooking and we eat it at school?" he said instead, dodging the topic.

"You want to do that?" James sounded surprised. Apparently, it wasn't that hard to distract him. He didn't seem to care much about the drama anymore—not when Regulus made that offer. James really acted like a baby sometimes, and Regulus felt like he was babysitting him.

"Yeah. Sure, I can do that for you." Regulus's cheeks flushed and his body felt warm. He knew the signs. He just couldn't help it when it came to James. So pathetic. But he'd allow himself to feel it for a while. He was only human, after all.

"How about tomorrow?" James asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah. I can. So... I'll meet you during break time?" Young Regulus would've thought this was a date. Even now, he wasn't sure what it was. Was it a date? A date needed both sides to agree, right? Their conversation didn't exactly say that—so maybe it wasn't.

"Yes. I'll meet you tomorrow. Do you prefer the canteen, or you want to keep hiding?" James asked, making sure Regulus would be comfortable with it.

"I'll text you where to meet me tomorrow... if it's okay with you."

"It's okay. I'll wait, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay."

They fell silent for a while, lost in their thoughts. Regulus didn't know how to explain what he was feeling. This is something he hadn't experienced before. Was he happy? Shy? Nervous? Enjoy? He didn't know.

"So, I'll end the call, if you don't have anything else to say?" Regulus finally asked. If you asked him, he didn't want to end it. Who would? But that's not how world works—he had to get back to reality.

"If I have something to say, would you mind if I called again?" James asked, wanting to make sure.

"Sure. Why wouldn't I?" Yeah. If James wanted to talk, why wouldn't he let him? Regulus was happy about that—so long as he wasn't the one doing the chasing.

"Anytime?" James asked again.

"Yes. James. As long as I'm alive, you can text or call me anytime." Regulus said with a smile. He hoped James doesn't know since he can't see his face. "But only if you have something to talk about." he added.

"Okay, then." Regulus knew, James was giggling. He just knew it by the sound of his voice. He knew James too well.

"Okay..."

"Okay."

"So, I'll end this?"

"Yeah. You've got assignments to do, anyway." James said, sounding thoughtful.

"Mhm..." Regulus nodded, even though James couldn't see him. "Bye, James."

"Bye, Regulus."

Silence for a while.

Only their breathing matched on both ends.

After collecting all his courage, Regulus ended the call. His face was red like a tomato. He threw his phone away, buried his face in his pillow, and screamed.

He hoped his mom didn't hear it.

DAMN YOU POTTER. He screamed in his head, because he didn't dare say it out loud.

"Are you flirting with me?" Regulus whispered into his pillow, still hiding his face.

Well... Regulus wasn't stupid. He didn't need to deny it anymore. He couldn't think of anything else but flirting for what James had done.

What he didn't understand was why.

Because obviously, it wasn't because James liked him. No way.

Then for what? A Prank? No—it was too much effort. And Regulus was Sirius's brother. James wouldn't risk hurting him like that.

Then what? Couldn't be some identity crisis, right?

"Fuck." He whispered again. He had no energy left to do his assignment.

Regulus just got back to his room after dinner with his mother. Only his mother, because his father was still at work, and Sirius—like he said earlier this morning—would be back home late.

He had already finished his assignments in the evening after he was done dealing with his thoughts. The ones about James bloody Potter and his flirty nonsense. Now, he was lying on his bed, busy with his phone. He was occupying himself by scrolling through social media because he didn't know what else to do right now. He wasn't sleepy yet—it was still too early to sleep, actually.

Regulus looked at a story that Dorcas posted earlier. He saw how his friends seemed to be having fun at the mall. He couldn't help but smile slightly when he saw the story. He saw Evan's face, wrapped under Barty's arm. Evan looked so happy—they all did—but especially Evan. Regulus thought about how he wished Evan could have the love he needed and wanted in his life. That boy was too precious. He was so soft and kind. He was literally quite the opposite of Barty. Not that Regulus liked Barty less than Evan, but Evan just had a special place in Regulus's heart. Even before the conversation earlier today, Evan always had a special place for Regulus.

"Hi, I'm Evan." A boy with blonde hair offered his hand to Regulus, asking for a greeting.

"Hi, I'm Regulus." Regulus shook the boy's hand.

Then, Evan sat beside him. Regulus was kind of confused. It was his first year and his first day, too, as a freshman. He had thought about wanting to make friends, but based on his experience, it wasn't supposed to be this easy.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" The other boy seemed to know what was going on in Regulus's head—or maybe his expression just showed exactly what he was thinking. Regulus wasn't sure which the correct answer was.

"It's okay." he answered quietly. Maybe Regulus didn't have the ability to communicate with human after all. He had never realized how bad he was at this because he always had Sirius to do it for him. But of course, since 'that day', Regulus had realized he couldn't cling to his brother anymore.

"We can be friends, if you like." Evan said, and Regulus looked at him for a second before finally nodding in agreement.

"I have a twin. Her name is Pandora. Since we're friends now, I figured you should know that." Evan was like an open book. He told Regulus everything, even when Regulus didn't seem all that interested.

For the first time, Regulus felt like he had a chance to be a better person—without his brother. If only everyone were as easy as Evan.

"Cool. I have a brother." Regulus said, trying to be kinder. He realized he hadn't responded to Evan the right way before.

"Oh. Is he here too?" Evan asked. He looked genuinely curious—not just trying to make conversation.

"Yeah. He's a year above us."

"Cool." Evan nodded.

And even though they weren't talking anymore after that, Regulus felt some kind of comfort around Evan. He didn't feel forced to do anything he didn't want to do. When he didn't feel like talking, Evan just knew—and sat quietly beside him. Evan was the first person Regulus made friends with on his own without his brother. Evan was one of the first people Regulus knew in their soon-to-be friend group.

Regulus snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his phone buzz. He looked at the screen and squinted his eyes.

"Hello?" He said as he picked the call. "James?"

"Oh, Regulus. Thank God you answered." James said on the other end of the line.

Why was James calling him? This was the second time for today. 

"What happened?" Regulus asked, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"I just wanted to ask if you could help me." James said. His voice didn't sound panicked—actually, it sounded calmer than expected for someone who supposedly needing help.

"Help with?" Regulus still didn't get the point.

"So... you know my mother is a very impulsive woman," James began, "and she found this nice yogurt drink at the Korean store, and now she says she needs that yogurt. Right now. Can you believe it? At this hour?"

Regulus raised his eyebrow, frowning in confusion. Last he checked, he didn't work at a Korean store—or live near one. So what did this have to do with him?

"Okay, James... I'm not following." he said, clearly confused.

"Well, I can't go by myself because it's kinda far from our house." James explained in that casual voice of his.

"Are you saying you want my company to go to the Korean store to buy your mom's favorite yogurt drink?" Regulus wasn't clueless. He was smart with academics—he didn't radiate dumb, confused energy about things like this. He was direct. Logical. Even if he valued emotions, once he had a logical explanation, he stuck with it to the death.

"There you go. You're not clueless after all, Black." James said, sounding proud of something that had nothing to do with him.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Regulus asked, making sure James wasn't planning something stupid.

Regulus was pretty sure James wasn't pranking him, but still... it felt easier to believe this was all a prank than not.

"Regulus, how could you say that? I'm not that kind of person. At least, not with you." James said, pretending to sound hurt. Regulus thought that was very dramatic of him.

"It's kinda late for you to go and still have to pick me up." Regulus pointed out, sighing. Of course he liked the idea of a night drive with James. Just the two of them. But still, he wasn't that desperate. "It's better if you go now so you can get back earlier."

James didn't respond. Regulus had to check if the call was still connected. It was. So where the hell was James?

Knock-knock.

Regulus heard a knock on his door. Why was his mother knocking at this hour? Wasn't she supposed to be in her room by now? Regulus knew she always spent her nights watching series after dinner—her 'self-care-routine' as she called it. So why was she—

Knocking his door?

"Wait, Mom—" Regulus opened the door and nearly choked on air when he saw who was standing there.

"Hi." James stood in front of Regulus, phone still held to his ear in the same way as Regulus.

They stared at each other, locked in eye contact.

"James? What the hell?" Regulus gawked at him.

"So... can we go now?" James asked calmly, like this was normal—which it absolutely wasn't.

"How did you—" Regulus looked down the corridor. No one was there. How did James get into his house? Into his room? At this hour? Regulus couldn't even begin to process what the hell was happening right now.

"Your mom let me in, of course." James smirked. This boy knew exactly what he was doing. "If you think that I'm sneaking into your home, you must've lost your mind."

"Sure. Even if you weren't, I already have lost my mind from the fact that you're standing in front of me of all places." Regulus snapped sarcastically.

"You lost your mind because of me?" James smirked again. Oh, maybe Regulus really would punch this boy in the face someday. "What an obsessive thing to do, Black."

"Seems like you're the one acting like an obsessive prick right now, Potter." Regulus shot back. "I'm not the one who showed up at your room."

James let out a small laugh and leaned his body against the edge of Regulus's doorway. He was wearing a blue flanel shirt with a few buttons undone, revealing part of his upper chest. His hair was messy, and his glasses hung on his annoyingly perfect face.

"You were right, Black." He said finally.

Regulus confusedly looking at him. He was right? Right about what?

"What?" Regulus frowned.

"I am the obsessive one. Not you." James said, shamelessly. Calm. Smiling—or smirking? Regulus couldn't tell.

Regulus gawked at James and stared at him. Completely speechless. He still had the phone to his ear, even though the person who had called him was now right in front of him. He felt like James just taken control of his whole life.

"Aren't you two want to go somewhere?" It was his mother's voice that snapped him back to reality. Regulus stopped looking at James and turned to his mother, who was coming from the stairs.

"Mom?"

"Thank you for letting me come, Auntie." James greeted Regulus's mom politely.

"Oh. It's nothing, James. Kinda surprised that you're not looking for the other boy of mine, but as I remember you two were friends too." Walburga said with a soft smile.

"Yeah. I'm just get used to being rolled around by Sirius and Regulus now." James answered Walburga with his charming energy—which should honestly be illegal.

"You two better be going now because the store is kinda far." Walburga suggested. "And, Regulus. Please, buy me the one that Effie likes too, because I want to know how good it is." Walburga winked at Regulus—or James. Regulus wasn't sure what the hell was happening anymore.

James nervously coughed after hearing Walburga, which Regulus thought was another one of his weird reactions.

"Okay, Maman." Regulus answered quietly before going back to his room, and grabbing a random jacket and his wallet. His mother had already disappeared from sight—probably back to her activity.

"Are you ready to go?" James asked as he pocketed his phone back into his loose trousers.

Regulus didn't answer. He just grabbed James's wrist and dragged him out of the house.

"Calm down, Black." James said with a light laugh, completely giving in to Regulus's action.

"What was this?" Regulus asked as they finally stepped outside.

"What was what?" James asked back, acting innocent.

"Showing up at my door now, Potter?"

"That's what best friends do, Regulus." James smiled at him, titling his head closer to the shorter boy, "Aren't we best friends?"

Regulus felt goosebumps crawling all over his body. Since when did James become like this? So... flirty?

"You're completely insane, James Potter." Regulus muttered before heading to James's car. He couldn't think straight. He just needed to buy that damn Korean yogurt and get back to his peaceful room as soon as possible. Then maybe he could deal with whatever crazy thing this was.

James followed him to the car, and once he was seated in the driver's seat, he reached over—without warning—and helped Regulus with his seatbelt.

"James, you don't—"

"I know." James cut him off and did it anyway. Their faces were so close this time. Closer than they had been a few days ago when James was trying to help Regulus with the seatbelt too.

Regulus could smell James's shampoo. It smelled like lemon or mint—something fresh. Or maybe orange? Regulus wasn't sure. But he knew one thing for sure that James smelled really good. His cologne too.

"I have to make sure you're safe with me, since I asked your mother's permission to take you out." James said after he finished securing the seatbelt. Then he looked at Regulus's eyes, who happened to be looking at him too.

Their faces were still so close. Based on Regulus's inner calculation, they only needed to move a few inches to reach each other's mouth.

"I'm not a kid." Regulus whispered, still nervously holding James's gaze. James's eyes were sparkling. Amber or brown? Regulus couldn't tell—too dark. But definitely not blue or grey like his own.

"I know. But don't you like it when I take care of you?" James whispered back.

Why were they whispering? It's not like someone could hear them. They were alone in the car. Hell, there wasn't even anyone on the street right now.

"I—" Regulus bit his lips nervously. Of course he liked it. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't like being taken care of by someone they'd crushed on for years?

"Then let me do this, okay?" James cut him off again, soft smile playing on his lips. Their faces still hadn't moved—still that same dangerously close distance.

Regulus's heart pounded so hard, he thought James could probably hear it. He couldn't focus on anything else but the sound of his own pulse. He didn't even know if James felt the same—nervous or otherwise. Probably not.

"Look how pretty you are when you're not putting on your cold face." James said softly.

If words could kill, that one might be the reason for Regulus's death.

Pretty? Who? Him?

Said by James fucking Potter, of all people?

Okay. Regulus realized it now. His feelings for James had never really gone. Just buried. They'd just been hiding under his cold new skin he'd built—to look strong, not weak. He'd been lying to himself for two years about his feelings because that was the only thing he could do with them.

But now, with James right here—right in front of him—and doing all of this... how could Regulus deny it any longer?

He was, in fact still in love with his brother's best friend.

He wasn't even sure if there had ever been a day without this feeling.

Maybe this was Regulus's sin. The one sin among all the things he'd tried to do right in his life.

But if he never had James and only admired him from afar...

How could he be guilty as sin, then?

Chapter Text

The car was already moving, leaving Regulus's neighborhood behind. Regulus wasn't a fan of Korean food or drinks—not because he hated them, but because he had never tried them before. He simply never thought of buying any of it. In fact, Regulus wasn't a fan of snacks. He wasn't the type of person who looked for snacks while doing something. He even barely bought popcorn when he was at the cinema. So easy to maintain, if someone were dating him. But since Regulus didn't have any plans to date someone who could maintain him, he kept this trait for himself.

James, surprisingly, didn't talk much in the first few minutes. But since their trip was rather long, in the end, James tried to break the tense air between them.

"You don't hate me for kidnaping you, right?" James asked with a chuckle.

"Aren't you supposed to ask first before kidnaping me, if you're really worried about my anger?" Regulus answered—not angrily more playfully. He just somehow enjoyed teasing James, especially now that he realized how scared James looked of pissing him off. Regulus just knew that boy was paying attention to his feelings. What Regulus didn't know was why James did that.

"You're so funny, you know that?" James let out a small laugh. His eyes stayed on the road, squinting every time he laughed.

Regulus enjoyed sneaking glances at James. Oh. His younger self would never have believed this kind of thing would ever happen in his life. The twelve-year-old Regulus would've called him a liar if they could talk to each other right now. Even his present self still found it hard to believe this was real.

Regulus never thought that his actions a few days ago would lead him to this moment—with James beside him. Was this good luck or a bad luck? Whatever it was, Regulus couldn't lie to himself about how happy he felt in this moment.

"You're the only one who thought like that." Regulus murmured, turning his gaze to the road. He pulled a small smile, hoping James wouldn't notice.

"It'd be good if I really was the only one who thought of you like that." James said, teasingly, with a small smile.

Regulus noticed how much James had been teasing him lately, and he didn't want to be a party pooper. So he decided to fight James the same way—with just as much teasing and flirty remarks. He wouldn't lose anything anyway, because they didn't have anything. Remember: you can't lose something if you never had it in the first place.

"Sure. It's only you. In fact, there's never been anyone besides you since we were kids." Regulus shot back while throwing his gaze to James. He wondered what James's reaction would be.

As expected, James let out a small cough. Seemed like he wasn't ready for Regulus's words. Maybe James thought he was the only one allowed to tease with his charm. But even, without charm, Regulus could do that kind of thing too—especially with James. No—in fact, only with James could he do this sort of thing. He wouldn't do something like this with anyone else.

"You're really good at doing this, Black." James said finally, trying to hide his nervousness.

"Good at what, Potter?" Regulus asked, confused. Joking? Was that what James meant?

James sighed for a moment before sneaking a glance at Regulus, who was still looking at him. "Well... making me speechless or—" James let a smirk across his lips before saying, "making my mouth shut for a moment. Although not in the way we wish it would."

Regulus gasped, almost choked on the air. His eyes widened. His heart almost leapt out of his chest. His soul—his soul probably left his body for a second.

James looked extremely pleased with his win over Regulus's reaction. Apparently, being shameless could help you win a teasing contest, especially if your rival was Regulus and you were James Potter, of course. Because there was no one on earth Regulus would let treat him the way James did.

"Is that why you've been teasing me lately? Because you desperately need someone to shut your mouth?" Regulus tried to gather his sanity. He wasn't planning to lose this easily. He never planned to lose at all.

James didn't look at him again, his focus back on the road. "Well, you've got it wrong there, Regulus." He said casually. He loved giving Regulus puzzles to solved through his words and actions.

"What part did I get wrong?" Regulus asked, confused. He didn't understand what James meant.

"You said—and I quote—'I'm teasing you because I desperately need someone to shut my mouth'," James sneaked glance at him again. Regulus could see how soft James's gaze was. "Yes, I'm teasing you. You're clever. There's zero possibility you didn't figured this out. But how could you say I need someone to shut my mouth? Of course, I'm teasing you because I need you to shut my mouth. Doesn't that seem obvious to you?"

Regulus's soul left his body again. He blinked hard at James, who was now smirking. His cheeks burned red. No, not just his cheeks—his whole body felt like it was burning from the inside. He felt itchy all over. His heart—oh, don't even talk about his heart. It stopped beating for a second.

"What?" Unconsciously, Regulus let the word slip from his mouth. His mouth moved faster than his brain at that moment.

"See? I thought you were clever about this, Regulus." James said again, turning his attention back to the road.

The road was quiet—maybe because it was already late in their area. Then again, not everyone wanted to buy Korean yogurt at this hour.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Regulus asked again. He really couldn't take this. He couldn't let himself suffer and wonder any longer. Not when the one he needed to ask was right beside him—easy to reach.

"Why would you think it's a joke?" James asked back, confused. He didn't look at Regulus, who was still staring at him with an unreadable expression.

"James, are you fucking with me?" Regulus asked again. Well, maybe they were going to spend this trip just throwing questions back and forth without answering any of them.

"Well... Regulus, I would like to—if you wanted it," James replied hesitantly—which was weird. "But I'd prefer it if you weren't underage. Because I want you to have a safe experience." Okay. James was definitely rambling about something Regulus hadn't meant.

Wait. What the hell was James rambling about?

"James... that's not what I meant!" Regulus shouted. Was this a safe moment for him to punch James in the face? But the boy was driving—so maybe not. That punch could kill both of them.

 "Oh, it's not?" James gasped nervously. That really didn't help whatever was happening between them right now.

Was James just rambling about having sex with him? With Regulus? What the hell was happening? Was this still part of the teasing game they were playing?

"James, I will pretend I never heard that. That's so fucking weird, you know?" Regulus turned away, squeezing his own hands nervously. That was kind of evil—how James played with his feelings. Even if James didn't know, how could he say something like that? That's not a normal conversation. Did James joke like that with everyone? Was Regulus just one of many?

"Regulus," James called softly, then—without warning—he grabbed Regulus's hand, which was resting on his lap. James still wasn't looking at him. Only one of his hand reached out.

"James, don't—" Regulus whispered, but he didn't pull his hand away. He just let James hold him. He just stared at James's hand, which was bigger than his and now resting over his own.

James didn't say anything at first, just squeezed Regulus's hand. After a few seconds, he finally said, "I'm sorry. I was joking."

Regulus took a deep breath. Of course he was joking. This was James Potter we were talking about. What else could it have been?

"Don't do something weird like that again." Regulus whispered and gently pushed James's hand away—but not harshly.

Okay. Are we going to ignore the fact that James just held his hand? Is that a normal thing to do? Between friends? Has Regulus ever held Evan's or Barty's hand before? No. Regulus wasn't that type of person. He wasn't the type who used physical touch to comfort people.

But was he against someone with that urge? No. He never opposed how people tried to comfort others in their own way. And if this was James's way of showing that he was sorry about the joke, Regulus didn't mind at all. Even though this action of James's might stay longer in his mind after this. He's fine, though.

"Yeah. Won't do that again." James said, almost like a whisper.

The moment grew awkward for a few seconds before James broke the silence, "I noticed your brother's car wasn't home earlier?" James said, more like asking.

Regulus sighed, relieved to return to a normal conversation, "Yeah. He's not home yet." He replied, trying to calm his mind.

James nodded lightly, "Weird."

"What was that?" Regulus asked, curious as he looked at the other boy.

James looked... so defined. His messy hair, his firm body as he steered the car. He was just using one hand while the other rested on the open window. What a stylish idiot, Regulus thought.

"He didn't text me at all today. Not like him." James said, eyes still on the road. His glasses hung lower on his nose, but Regulus guessed it didn't affect his vision—that boy wasn't bothering to adjust them.

"Maybe he had something to do and needed privacy." Regulus said in the end. He wasn't looking at James anymore; he threw his gaze toward the road.

The breeze was cold, but Regulus liked cold things, so it didn't bother him at all.

He just remembered how James's hand was slightly warm. How could his body feel warm in this cold? Regulus didn't know. But he couldn't stop thinking about James's hand, the one that had just held his for a few seconds. Maybe he wouldn't forget the way that hand had felt. Could he ever feel that hand again in the future? Probably not in the same way as today. Maybe just slightly, through a light accidental touch. But it's okay—as long as it was James's skin. By accident or not, Regulus would like that.

"That's also the problem." James said again, clearly trying to keep the conversation alive. Maybe he was scared Regulus would avoid him again after this trip. Who knew what was going on in his head?

"What?" Regulus asked once more. Actually, he was curious too—about what his brother was doing right now. Like he'd said earlier, he knew the bond between Sirius and James had been inseparable since the day he could remember them.

In fact, as Regulus recalled—when he was younger, maybe three, four, or even younger than that (he couldn't exactly remember the age)—he once thought that his brother and James were the same person. But when he got older, he learned that they were different people. His brother was the one with pale skin like his. Not the other one with the bigger body—yes, James had always had a bigger body than them since they were younger—and wore glasses. 

But honestly, even back then, Regulus could already tell that James had taken better care of Regulus more than his brother ever had. Of course, that only happened when they were together, because James didn't always come to their house and the opposite. Mostly, they met during holidays because their parents decided to spend holidays together.

Point is: Sirius and James did look more like brothers than Sirius and Regulus ever did. Had Regulus ever been jealous of that? He couldn't remember. But he did remember that he was jealous of how close Sirius was to James, because he had wanted to be the one close to that sunshine boy—before he realized he had a crush on him.

"Your brother kinda doesn't have a concept of privacy when it comes to me." James said with a small laugh—maybe he was remembering some stupid memory between them. Regulus couldn't tell.

"What does that even mean?" Regulus asked, curiosity bubbling again. Maybe he could get more insight about Sirius from James. His brother's best friend seemed like an easier source than Sirius himself, who rarely talked about anything.

"Well, would you believe me if I told you Sirius once forced me to hear about his wet dream?" James asked, half-joking, half-serious. "Isn't that supposed to be, like, private?" He continued as if he was asking Regulus for his opinion. 

Regulus blinked. Okay. Sirius was a dumbass. Regulus could confirm that now. No wonder he told James about their earlier conversation. He wasn't just stupid when it came to other people's rambling—he was also a dumbass about his own. Who the hell shared that kind of thing? Even if it was your best friend, that still doesn't count as a normal thing to do. Sirius wasn't just dumb—maybe also insane.

"I knew Sirius was dumb. Never really knew he was that kind of dumb." Regulus finally said, not knowing how else to react to this dumb conversation. Hey—but at least they weren't awkward like before. The air wasn't tight anymore and everything was back to normal. Thanks to Sirius's stupidity.

"Yeah. I had to force him to stop because I couldn't listen it any longer." James nodded in agreement with Regulus. No wonder that boy was laughing quietly before. It must have been because of that kind of memory he was thinking about.

"That's the best you could do, actually." Regulus replied, casually.

But thinking about Sirius and James's bond made Regulus realize some ironic fact about his relationship with his brother. Sirius was an easy person when it came to James. Regulus always thought about how hurt he was trying to break the wall between him and Sirius, trying to be the kind of brother he should've been before. But Sirius never told him anything.

Regulus used to think maybe it was because Sirius wasn't the kind of person who talked about himself like an open book. But now Regulus knows that the problem wasn't that Sirius didn't like to talk about things. It was simply because he didn't want to talk about those things with Regulus.

Look at how easily he talked to James. Even about some stupid stuff. Well. Guess Regulus couldn't be more surprised when it came to his brother.

"You didn't tell anyone else about that stuff too, right?" James asked, his voice casual, but the question dumb enough to make Regulus blink at him.

"Do I look like a dumb person, Potter?" Regulus asked back with disbelief. Yes, does he look stupid?

"Of course you're not, Black." James chuckled. His eyes squinted again when he laughed, and Merlin, what a nice view that was. "But who knows—maybe you share things like that with Evan or Barty."

"Even with all the craziness in Barty's DNA, I've never heard him say anything that fucking dumb." Regulus muttered. Of course, even with Barty's character, Regulus had never heard anything this foolish from his mouth—so something was definitely not right about Sirius's brain.

"Wow. That surprising. I thought Barty and Sirius were the same kind of person." James admitted, clearly surprised by what he just heard.

"No. Barty's not a dumb fuck like Siri." Regulus corrected flatly.

"Not even about how the dream went? I mean, it's normal not to say who we dreamed about, but you know—"

"I don't." Regulus cut off James's words. Seriously, who talks about this? This is kind of embarrassing, right? It's supposed to be.

Wait... Does this dumbass who's sitting next to him also talk about this stuff?

"James, are you implying that you talk about your wet dreams too?" Regulus asked, genuinely curious. He just wanted to know how dumb his crush really was.

"Well, at least I'm not saying who I dreamed of." James answered, trying to sound calm even though Regulus could clearly see his nervousness as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Every second that passed with James just made Regulus realize how dumb, fucked up, and ridiculous both James and his brother were. No wonder they could stand each other for all these years.

"You two suit each other," Regulus replied shortly before adding, "very dumb."

"Hey, it's not that bad though! It's normal conversation!" James argued in his defense.

"Is it?" Regulus asked with a mocking expression. Normal my ass, he thought.

"At that moment, I need some insight about the dream from someone who'd experienced the same thing." James was literally trying his best to defend himself.

That was actually cute for Regulus. But he wouldn't show his thought about James's cuteness. So he just tried to wear his cold mask.

"What insight do you need from a short, graphic adult dream, exactly?" Regulus thought about how easy it was to make James talk about anything. If he were an interviewer, he would've gathered a lot of information about this boy. Should he consider selling this to James's fans? Could he actually get money from that? But how could he let anyone else know this side of James? Of course, he wouldn't.

"I just wanted to know if it's okay to dream about a boy too, and not just a girl—"

Regulus looked at James, frozen. James was also frozen as he stopping mid-sentence. They weren't making any eye contact. He just kept staring at the road.

Did James... have a wet dream about a boy?

"I mean—it's not really important who we dreamed about, right?" James was trying so fucking hard to sound casual and hide his nervousness. Regulus could see how much effort he was putting into that.

James didn't even want to make eye contact with Regulus, even though the street was quiet. Not like his usual behavior, where he always sneaked glances at Regulus whenever he had a chance.

Regulus thought for a while. He should say something, right? So, things didn't get awkward again. This was just a stupid conversation. He didn't have to take it that seriously.

"Yeah. It's not really a big deal." Regulus was also trying so hard to hide his nervousness as he said that to James. He desperately wished he could squeeze his own hand tightly or maybe bite his tongue just to stay grounded—because this conversation was literally getting out of control.

"That's what I thought." James replied, almost like a whisper to himself—but Regulus could hear it clearly.

Okay. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal. It doesn't mean James is into boys, though. It was just a dream that happened years ago. Maybe it was because James spending most of his time with Sirius.

Wait—did he dream about Sirius?

Okay. How could Regulus think this isn't weird? It's weird as fuck. But who was he to judge? And by the fact that they both seemed like normal best friends until now... Regulus could tell that the dreams probably didn't mean James was into boys after all. Even though Regulus wasn't close to his brother or James the way they used to be, he could certainly be sure they weren't dating. So yeah, still a straight-normal James Potter.

"Okay. We're here." James said as they arrived at their destination. He parked and turned off the engine.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Regulus." James said as he finally had the courage to look at Regulus, who was still sitting quietly.

Regulus turned his gaze to face James, trying so freaking hard to look and act normal. "Nah, it's okay. There's nothing to worry about." He said awkwardly. He was trying his best. James shouldn't notice his expression or tone. They weren't that close to know each other's body language.

Right?

"Yeah. I hope so." James whispered, and Regulus could see the flicker in his gaze. James was definitely thinking about something right now. Maybe it was bothering him so much that he almost couldn't hide it. Something heavy, maybe.

But Regulus didn't have to want to know what that was. Right?

"It's nothing James." Regulus almost forgot how good he was at hiding emotions—but now he remembered. So he lightly patted James's shoulder—trying not to do it awkwardly—and said gently, "Maybe you should treat me something, and I'll completely forget all your weird stuff."

James's eyes widened as he smiled. Oh. Look how gorgeous this boy was. Even if their distance wasn't as close as when James had helped him with his seatbelt, Regulus still saw that the possibility of a kiss was just a few inches away. What would it feel like to kiss James's lips? His lips looked so pretty. Maybe soft. Would his mouth feel as warm as his hand? Regulus bet it would.

"Sure. Whatever you want." James said finally, unable to hide his joy.

There you go. How easily Regulus could make James feel upside down emotionally. But he didn't think it had anything to do with him. Maybe that's just the way James was. Easy to maintain too—like himself.

"Okay."

"Okay."

Then they stepped out the car and headed inside the store.  The store was probably open for 24 hours, but because it was late, there were only the two of them and the cashier inside. Good, then. Regulus didn't like crowds.

"This one is better." James said as he showed a strawberry drink to Regulus. Now, they were both standing in front of the drinks chiller in one corner.

Regulus looked at the drink that James held, "Do you used to go here?" He asked, curiously. Because it seemed like James knew very well about Korean snacks.

"Not really, but my parents—my mom—she loves exploring food or drinks from other countries, and that's how I found some good stuff." James explained with so much excitement.

Regulus nodded. He loved listening to James's rambling. That boy seemed so happy while he explained things he knew. Regulus remembered when they were younger, James always explained stuff to him, and he was always so glad to listen to all of it. James was the best storyteller Regulus had ever known in his life.

"Alright, then." Regulus said, putting the one he was holding back into the chiller and then grabbing the one that James handed him. Their fingers brushed. A flick of electricity sparked between them.

When would this stop? They had touched each other's skin a few times by now, but the excitement that came with it never left Regulus's mind.

"Your fingers are so cold." James said like a whisper.

Regulus snapped out of his head. "Yeah. Maybe because the weather's cold too?" He said, more like asking.

James nodded lightly. "Is there anything you'd like to try?" he asked, with so much caring. He also adjusted his glasses, which seemed a bit loose because they always slid down his nose. But to be honest, Regulus loved it when James did that. There was something artistic in how James used his middle finger to push them up.

Regulus was down so bad for this boy. His brain had completely stopped working.

"I'm not really quite fan of snacks, so maybe this one is enough." Regulus said. Well, Regulus was almost literally not quite a fan of food either—that's probably why he looked skinny. But he guessed that this behavior still hadn't reached some mental health issues like eating disorders or whatever.

"Let me pick some for you." James smiled and walked toward another corner with a basket in one hand.

Regulus just followed him slightly. He tried so hard to control his breathing rhythm.

This wasn't a date.

This wasn't a date.

He kept reminding himself.

Regulus felt so nervous actually right now, he just happened to be very good at hiding it. He just watched whenever James grabbed something and explained, "why this good" or "don't buy this, maybe you will not like the taste of it" or "I think you would like this one, it suits your taste."

How did James know what Regulus liked or didn't like? They had never done something like this before, and they hadn't talked about their favorite food or drinks either.

"I know you love strawberry, and I think you'd like this one." James said as he showed Regulus some strawberry-based snack.

Regulus looked at it and couldn't help but wonder... James knew that he'd love strawberry stuff? How? So, he didn't pick a random flavor for the milk earlier?

"How'd you know?" Regulus asked in the mid-air while James was rambling about the snacks.

"Know what?" James asked back, confusedly and looking straight at Regulus, who was standing next to him.

"About strawberry." Regulus replied while locking his gaze with James, "I never told you, wasn't I?"

James's eyes widened for a second. He looked like he was trying hard to hide his nervousness. At the end, he just let a small cough out from his throat and then awkwardly smiled, "Who wouldn't love strawberry?" He said finally. Clearly, just saying something that he thought was the safest answer he had.

Because, what the hell even does that mean? No one could guess something like that just by thinking 'everyone loves strawberries'! NO! In fact, some people might hate that fruit. Because honestly, strawberries didn't always taste as good as they looked. Most of them taste bitter and hard to enjoy. Does Regulus love the snacks or drinks based on strawberries with some sweetness and modification? Yes. He can bear with that. But does Regulus also love the real fruit, where it tastes bitter and makes you squint your eyes while eating it? Yes. He does too.

That's how Regulus could tell that strawberry might be his favorite fruit. Because he could bear with it—with sweetness or without it. Just like when you like someone. When you can bear with all the good stuff and the bad stuff in someone, that's how you can tell how much you like the person. That's how he felt about James.

"Yeah." But in the end, he just could say that. Because clearly, whatever James's reason was for knowing how he loved strawberry, it seemed like James wasn't ready to talk about that right now. It's okay. James could have his own privacy or secrets. Because Regulus has too—about James.

"Yeah." James nodded lightly before adding, "I think this is all. Let me pay this first, okay?" James then went to the cashier, leaving Regulus.

Honestly, Regulus's mind was a mess. He didn't even know where to begin untangling it. It felt like he missed something about all of what was happening right now. But he couldn't tell what that was.

After paying, they went out from the store and headed to James's car. James was the one who carried the bag of their stuff. He didn't let Regulus to help him, and Regulus didn't insist to.

"Hey, Regulus." James called him as Regulus was about to get in the car. He stopped and turned at him. James had already put the bag in the trunk.

"Hm?"

"Want to watch the stars first?" James asked. He was eating one of the snacks that he had bought before. It was like a stick with a chocolate on it, but in strawberry flavor.

"Watch the stars?" Regulus repeated, confused. Then he looked at the sky. There weren't many stars there.

"We don't have to go back this early." James said again as he stepping closer to where Regulus stood.

Regulus checked his phone. Early? It was nearly ten p.m. And Regulus never—as he remembered—had been out until this hour. Even though he wasn't an early sleeper, he preferred spending his time studying in his room rather than going out. He was not like his brother, who often went out rather than being home.

"This isn't early." Regulus narrowed his eyes at James, who now leaned his body on the car next to him. The snack stick was between his mouth, looking like a fake cigarette.

"It isn't?" James asked back, raised a brow. Clearly not agreeing with Regulus.

"Maybe for you." Regulus said, leaning beside him. They were standing side by side now.

"But you're not an early sleeper either, right?" James looked down at him.

Regulus turned his gaze to James too. He needed to look up because that boy was taller, "But it's not normal for me to be outside at this hour."

"Hufts—" James chuckled after hearing Regulus. He looked so pleased with Regulus. And Regulus decided this would not bother him any longer. He just let whatever this is happen.

"Are you still looking at the stars then?" James asked, still smiling.

"Not really." Regulus answered. Yeah, he didn't really have time to do that now. But that made him remember how often he and James looked at the stars together when they were younger.

"Do you want to?" James asked again. His eyes still looked at Regulus with some unreadable expression.

Regulus thought for a moment. Did he want to look at the stars now? Not really. But, did he want to if he was doing that with James? Maybe.

"Why do you asked?" Regulus wanted to make sure—was this some kind of invitation or was James just trying to make conversation.

"Well, consider this as an invitation for you—" James smiled softly—not smirking like he used to. "From me."

"Are you inviting Sirius too then?" Regulus asked, curious. Was this going to be like when they were younger? The three of them sitting under the sky and counting stars together?

"I don't know if this will disappoint you or not, but this is only for you."

Why did James look so handsome even during a silly conversation? With the stick between his lips. Or was it just because Regulus was the one who looking at him now? No. Anyone who looked at James now would know how handsome he was. Then, Regulus looked at his neck by accident and realized something that he hadn't before.

That boy was wearing a necklace. It looked like a black rope. But that wasn't the one that drew Regulus's attention. The pendant was the one that stole Regulus's attention.

Was that?

Regulus blinked, trying to look more clearly.

Yes. It was.

James was wearing the shell that he had given to him years ago as a pendant on his necklace. How could Regulus not realize it before?

"Regulus, what happened?" James asked, worried, because the other boy seemed frozen now.

"Uh—no," Regulus snapped back and then looked back at James. Should he ask about the necklace? But why would he? The shell was his present for James. It's up to James to use it however he wants. Regulus just didn't know that James would use it as a pendant. Has he worn that all this time? How could Regulus never realize it? Maybe because he wasn't looking at that boy's chest or neck often.

"No?" James lifted his eyebrows, confused.

"I mean, yeah—" Regulus said, nervously. God. Why he always caught off-guard with this boy?

"Yeah?" James asked, looking even more confused by Regulus.

"Yeah. I accept your invitation." Regulus nodded slightly, trying so fucking hard to gather his soul back.

"Good." James widened his smile. Literally not doing any efforts to hide his joy. Then James broke the eye contact and looked straight ahead while still busy with his stick snack.

"Hm." Regulus just hummed in reply. James was his biggest puzzle at this point. Regulus felt there were so many things he had to solve with this boy. Because all of this didn't look normal for Regulus. None of this was.

"Oh. This is so good." James said as he praised his snack, then he looked at Regulus. "Do you want some?" he offered that boy.

Regulus looked at the stick. Which one was James offering him? The one between his lips? Or the one in the pack? Clearly, Regulus's mind was totally fucked up right now.

"Hmm..." Regulus nodded slightly for the offer. Maybe he would just receive whatever James gave him—even if he gave him the one that was in his mouth.

James looked at the pack that he held, "Oh—" he gasped and then looked at Regulus, "Looks like only this one is left." He said, referring to the one in his mouth. James had finished all the sticks. Did he know that when he offered?

"Oh. Never mind then," Regulus replied in a small voice. He didn't have the courage to do what he had thought before.

"This is long enough." James said disagreeing with him, and then he lowered his head, closer to Regulus.

Regulus eyes widened, clearly shocked. "James, what—"

"Just bite here." James said, cutting his words as their faces were facing each other now. The stick was in front of Regulus's mouth, still on James's lips.

Regulus looked at him, thinking—was this some kind of joke? But James didn't show any signs of joking at all. Why didn't they just part the stick and do it like normal friends would? Why did they have to do this stupid thing?

But Regulus wasn't smart at this either. So he just titled his head closer to James. He opened his mouth and bit the stick with his inner calculation so they didn't end up kissing—or at least brushing their lips together.

Regulus didn't close his eyes. Of course, it didn't have to be more weird than it already was. Neither did James. Basically, they were looking into each other's eyes at a very dangerous distance. Maybe if someone passed them right now, they would clearly look like a couple in the middle of something.

Regulus pulled his face away. His cheeks must be burning right now. So he didn't bother to look at James—more likely, hiding his face while acting busy chewing the stick.

"Good, right?" James asked in the end, he already fixed his posture. Regulus still hadn't looked at him.

"Yeah. It is." Regulus said softly. Oh. This was not right. He was very good at hiding emotion. He shouldn't be acting like this.

"I'm glad if it was." James said softly. And even though Regulus wasn't looking at him, he knew that the other boy was smiling right now.

Regulus was smiling too, but he hid it from James, of course.

"Yeah." He said finally. He couldn't hide the joy that he felt.

Oh. The twelve-year-old-Regulus would be furious if he knew that the-present-Regulus had this chance. This was even better than the straw one.

"Okay. Guess I should drive you home now?" James said, more like asking.

"Yes, you should. It's your responsibility after kidnaping me." Regulus answered, finally looking at James again, after he fully got his sanity back.

James was... blushing too?

Yes. He was. His cheeks had turned redder than normal. It couldn't be because of the weather, right?

Guess Regulus wasn't the only one with limits here.

"Okay." James said with a chuckle before heading inside the car first.

Regulus held his chest for a moment, to feel. His heart was pumping. Of course it was.

Please, quiet, he whispered—to himself, or to his heart?

Then he headed inside the car too.

Chapter Text

The trip back home was full of talk and jokes. James was telling Regulus a lot of funny stories about what Regulus had missed over the past year.

"No way." Regulus gasped at one of the stories James told him.

"I knew you wouldn't believe it." James said with a small laugh. He was fully invested in his own story.

"So, like, Sirius was dumped after two days of dating?" Regulus confirmed once more.

James had told him about how Sirius got dumped by a girl in their second year. And Regulus found it hard to believe because they were talking about Sirius—the most perfect and charming person that Regulus had ever known—besides James, of course.

"Yes. I think Sirius was, like, a bet between the girls?" James said, trying to remember the story.

"Wow." Regulus nodded in understanding. So, his brother could get dumped too.

"But you can't tell him about this, okay?" James sneaked a glance at Regulus while staying focused on his drive.

Regulus looked at him and nodded, "Okay. I pinky promise you." He said in agreement.

"Good." James smiled when he looked at how cute the other boy was.

"Hm." Regulus hummed as an answer while James went back to the road. No one could ever know how his heart was pumping so hard right now. No, not just right now—but since they got back in the car after the stick snack moment, his heart had never stopped beating fast. It just kept getting faster as time passed by.

"So, remember when you were sneaking out on your brother?" James asked Regulus.

Regulus, who wasn't looking at James at the moment, turned his gaze back to the other boy, "Yes."

"What did you hear then? What were they talking about?" James asked in curiosity. He wasn't looking at Regulus.

Regulus tried to remember the point of Sirius and Remus's conversation. But thinking about it now made him realize that they weren't talking about anything important. In fact, it just sounded like some flirty talk.

"I don't know." He said finally. He wasn't even lying to James. He just really didn't know what the point of their conversation was.

"You don't?" James asked, confused. Maybe he was a little disappointed? Regulus couldn't tell.

"Well. Not like I don't know, but more like... I don't know?" Regulus used two different tones when he said that. And it didn't help James with the confusion.

"Maybe you could tell me what exactly the 'you don't know' part is?" James copied Regulus's tone.

It made Regulus let out a small smiles when he heard it, "They were talking about cold and—" Regulus paused a moment before continuing, "the stars?"

"The stars?" James repeated Regulus's words to make sure he hadn't misheard.

"Yeah. Weird, right?" Regulus asked for James's opinion.

"Hm." James hummed a moment before saying, "not really."

"What does that even mean?" Regulus narrowed his eyes in confusion toward James.

"Well, I think it's some 'Black brothers' effect?" James said as an answer—which was not helpful at all.

What the hell is 'some Black brothers effect'?

"I don't understand..." Regulus said with a lower voice, hesitating.

"It's okay if you don't." James smiled while he said that. And then he parked the car because they finally arrived at Regulus's house.

It really didn't feel like a long trip, even though it was. James made the ambiance in the car so warm and fun during the ride back. Regulus was grateful for that because, at first, he had thought they might fall back into awkward silence again because of the 'stick snack' moment. But it turned out they didn't.

James turned his gaze to look at Regulus, who was still looking at him. Regulus didn't even know how long he had been staring at James at this point.

"What?" Regulus asked, confused, because James didn't say anything for a few seconds—just locked eyes with him.

"Nothing." James smiled and then leaned closer to Regulus.

Regulus's heart stopped beating. James wasn't going to kiss him, right? Without realizing it, Regulus suddenly closed his eyes. He was a very awkward person whenever James was around. But don't blame him. Because look at James! That boy didn't help at all with all the weird stuff that's been going on between them lately.

"Okay. It's done." James said more like a whisper. Regulus could feel the air brushing his ear from James's breath. They were so close at that moment. And Regulus believed if he hadn't closed his eyes, he could've really told what color James's eyes were.

Suddenly, the silence made Regulus realize—James didn't kiss him. No. There were no lips pressing on his. Oh.

Regulus opened his eyes slowly, sneaking a look at the other boy, who was apparently looking at him with a... smirk?

"What is baby Black thinking right now?" James asked with amusement. Oh.

That boy looked so pleased with Regulus's reaction, and that made Regulus want to shoot himself in the head so he wouldn't have to experience this embarrassing moment in his life.

"There was dust in my eyes." Regulus said awkwardly and let out a small cough. That's the best he could do right now. God. How could he look like this stupid?

"Oh." James leaned closer again, but the smirk had already left his face. Now he looked worried.

"James, what—" Regulus was shocked as James's hands cupped his face, making him look straight at him.

And then Regulus could feel the soft breeze touch his face—most likely the breeze was directed at his eyes. James was gently blowing some air at Regulus's eyes.

What another crazy thing that just happened!

"You feel better?" James asked mid-air, pausing his blowing. He was looking straight at Regulus from a very close distance, and don't forget—his hands were still cupping the other boy's face. If Regulus had thought a few seconds ago that things couldn't get weirder than they already were, he was wrong. Because right now might the weirdest thing that's ever happened between them.

The only thing that could top this was if James or Regulus decided to actually press their lips together. Besides that, this was the top of weird things that had ever happened between them. In fact, in all their interactions since they were younger.

"Uhm, yeah—" Regulus said awkwardly. How he wished the ground would swallow him whole so he didn't have to face this moment.

"Okay." James whispered before letting go of Regulus's face and returning to his normal position in the driver's seat.

"Okay." Regulus nodded and whispered too. He was so nervous that he started grabbing for his seatbelt—which was supposed to be across his body—but then he realized the seatbelt was gone. He looked to his side.

Oh. You dumb-fuck. He screamed inside his head.

James had just been helping him with the seatbelt before—not planning on kissing him or whatever the hell he'd been imagining.

Regulus probably would never recover from his stupidity right now. Maybe he should disappear forever. How could he face this in the future?

"We should do this again." James said, snapping Regulus out from his thoughts.

Do what exactly? What was this boy talking about?

Built more unnecessary tension between them?

Why didn't he just shoot Regulus in the head right now?

Because all the things they had just done felt like a way to kill Regulus slowly.

"Shopping, I mean." James continued when he didn't get a reply from Regulus, who was busy with all his... mental-suicide attempts. No, not in a literal way. He just thought maybe death would be better than facing the embarrassment that was waiting for him in the corner.

"Yeah." Wait—what? Why the hell was he saying 'yeah'?

"Yeah?" James gave him a big smile. And Regulus didn't like the idea of losing that smile. So he just nodded in agreement, even though he knew this action might kill him in the future.

"Okay. Let me help you with the bag." James said as he got out, leaving Regulus behind.

Regulus held his chest. He could feel his heart racing, not slowing down at all. But that totally made sense. Then he realized and looked at the garage. Oh. Sirius wasn't back home yet. Thank God.

Slowly, Regulus got out of the car and followed James to the trunk. James was busy sorting their stuff. He was choosing which one was his and which was Regulus's.

"You don't have to give me lot of this." Regulus said as he saw James putting more snacks in what was supposed to be his bag.

"I want you to try them." James said, not agreeing with Regulus.

Regulus sighed, but he didn't refuse James either. He just gave in to whatever the other boy said or did.

"Okay. Let me walk you." James said, and then they walked together to Regulus's door.

It wasn't far. But Regulus was very happy with their small walk. He looked at their feet and saw James's shoes. The color was black. These must've been the ones he wore to the café earlier.

"Thanks." Regulus said when they finally reached the door. Now Regulus was facing James while standing on the front steps. And because of that, their height was close enough that he didn't have to lift his head too high to look the boy in the eyes.

"Yeah. I think I'm the one who should say that. Since you were the one who kept me company." James said with a chuckle.

James Freakin' Potter was so handsome. Nothing else Regulus could think of. And that black rope necklace—with the shell—was so perfect, resting against his neck, exposed because he hadn't buttoned the top few buttons of his shirt.

"Okay. Thank me then." Regulus said, almost with a smirk. He loved whatever this was between them. A teasing game? A self-crisis? A journey of self-discovery? A—well, he didn't know what to call it. But he would enjoy this ride, whatever it was called.

"Okay. Thanks for going out with me, Regulus Black." James said with a grin. And Regulus knew—James was also enjoying this ride.

"Okay then, James Potter." Regulus replied with a smile.

James gave him the bag.

"Oh. By the way, you can't pick me up if Sirius is home." Regulus said, before he forgot.

"So, we're like a secret couple who's hiding?" James asked, and that was definitely a joke. But Regulus loved that joke.

"Yeah. Kinda like that." He said without correcting the 'couple' part. Because why would he correct that?

James smiled. A big smile. Maybe because Regulus didn't correct him at all? Who knows what the cause was. But the point is—he looked so happy and had zero effort to hide his joy. It looked like he was wanted Regulus to see how happy he was.

"Okay. I like it." He said in the end, with a small nod.

"Okay." Regulus nodded too. I like it too. He said to himself.

They were acting like that couple who had just gone out on a date and were being awkward—but not in a bad way. Quite the opposite, actually.

"I'll go then." James said, giving Regulus a small wave as he started walking backward so he could still see Regulus's face.

Who the hell couldn't see how dumb they looked for each other? Not even they themselves could ignore it now. Regulus just smiled at James's stupid action. What kind of friends did this kind of stupid?

James was almost at his car before he stopped because of Regulus's call. He looked back at Regulus, confused.

"Don't forget to text me." Regulus said afterward.

James smiled. His heart rising. Of course, he wouldn't forget. That might be the first thing he did after he got into his room.

"Yeah, Black." He said in the end, giving a small wave again before finally getting into his car and driving off.

Regulus held his chest again. Okay, the pounding hadn't stopped yet. But it was alright. It was normal. Then he went into his house.

Regulus walked straight to the freezer to put away the Korean yogurt for his mother. As he looked into the bag, he found a few snacks and drinks. They were all strawberry-flavored. James had really paid attention to how much Regulus loved strawberries. That made him smile a little. He arranged the snacks and drinks into the deepest part of the freezer, hoping no one else would eat them—because they were his. Then he grabbed one of the snacks to bring to his room.

He wanted to know how good it was.

Regulus had already cleaned up himself and changed into something comfortable. He was sitting on his chair while eating the snack he had just opened. Surprisingly, the snack wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was kind of delicious.

James really knew what he was doing. Regulus thought.

Regulus brought out his phone and then started to scrolling, busying himself. Then, he heard a sound from outside, so he sneaked a glance at his window. He saw his brother parking his car.

Where was he before?

But Regulus didn't really want to know his brother's business. He just thought it was very not unusual that Sirius went out until this hour without James. It just wasn't his behavior.

'Bzzz'

Regulus threw his gaze to his phone because of the buzz. And he smiled.

James

I just arrived at my room

Regulus

Have u cleaned yourself, then?

James

But I wasn't dirty either?

Regulus

But u were just back from outside?

James

Don't you think that you kinda a clean-addict?

Regulus chuckled a little after reading James's message. No. Of course, he wasn't a clean-addict. Didn't everyone do that? Cleaning before touching the bed? It just felt like natural behavior. Maybe Regulus hadn't always done it that way, but most of the time, he would.

Regulus

I'm glad that I didn't invite you to my room

James

Typing...

Typing...

Regulus looked at his screen, curious because James kept typing and undoing his messages. What was he thinking about? It better not be something stupid like in the car earlier. Regulus held his smile when he remembered their conversation before. To be honest, he wasn't angry about all the jokes James was making. He was just upset that it was all just jokes to James, while it wasn't for him.

Regulus just felt like he was the only one thinking about that seriously and James wasn't. But he wasn't mad at James either, because of course that boy didn't have a reason to think that the jokes meant something serious—he wasn't the one with those feelings here.

James

You should invite me so I can have some motivation for cleaning myself 😏

Regulus looked at his phone in disbelief. What was with that emoticon? Prick.

Regulus

I can't find any good reason to invite you in

James

Not even because it was me?

Regulus laughed a little. James freaking Potter was so annoyingly acceptable with this unbelievable text. If other people talked like this to him—even if it was Barty or Evan—maybe he would block them because of the cringe. But, with James... not only was James the one who was cringe, because sometimes Regulus thought he was cringe too—and it scared the shit out of him, actually.

Regulus

Apparently, you need more reason than that to be invited.

James

What a shame

I thought it was enough if it was just me

It is, Regulus thought. Of course, it was enough—more than enough, actually. Regulus would be so freaking happy to invite James over to his room. Whatever they'd do would be fine for him. Talk nonsense, tease each other, lie down and stare at the ceiling—maybe James would ask about the painting if he saw it—or talk about Sirius's weird behavior. Whatever it was, Regulus would love it.

Regulus

You should clean yourself

James

Typing...

Regulus looked at the pack of his snack and realized that he had finished the whole thing. What an unexpected thing. So he went to the corner of his room to throw the empty pack into the trash bin. He left his phone on the table, but then he heard it buzzing.

"James?" He answered the call. James was addicted to calling him, maybe.

"I was tired of texting. Why can't we just call?" James asked.

"I never said that we can't." Regulus replied, and then he was lying down on his bed with the phone pressed to his ear.

"Wow. Why have I never thought about that before?" James said, maybe with a grin? But they had just started calling each other today. So, of course, he hadn't thought of that before.

"But, you can only call me if you have something to say. Remember?" Regulus said with a small tease. He wanted to know what James's idea was this time. Because the other boy always seemed to surprise him.

"Of course I have. I always have something to say though." James answered, and Regulus could hear the sound of water running—was that the shower?

"You're not showering right now, are you?" Regulus asked, curious.

"But I am." James replied, not bothered.

Regulus's face heated up. What the actual fuck? Now they were calling each other while showering? What's next? A sex call?

Regulus looked at his ceiling in silence. He was thinking.

Was James naked while showering? Of course, why wouldn't he be? 

Regulus bit his bottom lip nervously. He shouldn't be thinking about James that way. It's not appropriate.

"You really have no shame." He said finally, trying so hard to control his breathing.

James chuckled from the other line when he heard Regulus. Regulus bet that boy was pleased with what he just said.

"You know what, Reg? I think I never have any shame whenever I'm around you." James said, teasing Regulus as always. No one knew what his goal was.

"Sure. No doubt about that." Regulus replied with a smile. Maybe he was special in some way for James. He didn't know in what way, but definitely not just some friend. Well, best friend... remember?

"So... tell me." James said, and Regulus could hear that the shower had been turned off. Maybe he was done.

"Tell you what?" Regulus asked, confused. Wasn't James the one who needed something to say if he wanted to call? Why was Regulus the one being asked now?

"When will you invite me to your room?" James asked in a tone that was one hundred percent shameless.

"When you give me a reason to." Regulus answered. Yeah. Why would he invite that boy so easy? No, baby. If you want this cookie so bad, then earn it.

"I love a challenge, you know?" James said with some excitement. Yeah. That prick always love some weird challenge since they were younger, no doubt.

"I know, that's why I gave you one." Okay. That's it. Let's see how the game plays out. Whatever this game was, just say that Regulus wasn't a loser either. So, let's see how James would try to win over this.

"Damn. You really do know me so well, don't you, Black?" James was definitely grinning right now.

"Wait... did I?" Regulus said with a small smile. Oh, who was he lying to? He had been smiling since the start of the call, actually. "Maybe, I did, Potter." He said finally, teasing James back.

"I love smart people." James said, and of course, that made Regulus's cheeks flush. But James didn't see it. What a loss. Because the other boy might feel pleased with his job affecting Regulus's cheeks. Just his typical.

"I am smart." Regulus said. Oh, now he was shameless too? Good. What a shame. Maybe because of the bad influence from hanging out with James too much.

"I knew." James said. Sure. Of course, he knew. "That's why I like you."

Regulus held his smile—his heart, and his soul—while pressing into his blanket with nervous energy. He shouldn't be losing it over something cringe like this.

"That's new. Never heard about it." He said after gathering his composure. James wasn't the only one who was good with flirty talk.

"It because I never had a change before, you left me, remember?" James said—no, he was asking.

They were playing a game, right? Not actually confessing anything? Of course not. Don't be silly, Regulus.

"I don't want to get blamed for what happened in the past." Regulus said with a chuckle, trying so fucking hard to act like a strong person with these damn jokes. But James wouldn't know either, so it was okay.

"I wasn't going to blame you either, baby Black." James said with a small laugh. Regulus wished he could see James now, to know what his expression looked like.

"I see that you already cleaned yourself." Regulus said, trying to shift the conversation because he was kind of nervous now.

"Yeah. Now, I'm lying in bed. You must be too, right?" James asked.

"Yeah..." Regulus locked his gaze on the sun painted on his ceiling while talking with the other sun on the phone. Great.

"I'll invite you." James said sudenlly, snapping Regulus from his thoughts. Invite to what again now?

"Invite me to where again this time?" Regulus asked in confusion. James was never not gonna make him confused.

"To my room. Since it's not easy for me to be invited to yours. Maybe I should be the one inviting you over to mine."

James's room. The room he never had a change to sleep over in almost two or three years ago? Had the room changed a lot? Did James still wear red all over his room? Maybe not.

"But you should give me a nice reason to come over too." Regulus said, even though he wanted so badly to go to that boy's room.

"Shit. I should find a reason so you want to come over too? Winning over you is so hard, I see it now." James said with amusement.

Regulus shook his head slowly and smiled, "It should be hard, so you don't let me go easily." Regulus's mind was totally not working as it was supposed to be right now, because what was that? What was that supposed to mean?

James went silent at first. Totally too stunned to speak, of course. See, Regulus was totally very good at shutting his mouth—even it it wasn't in the way he wanted to. Or as James joked earlier—not in the way they both probably wished to.

"Fair point. Even though I never planned on letting you go easily." James said as he gathered his sanity back, maybe? Then he added, "You really are good at shutting my mouth, Black."

"I know, Potter." Regulus said. Definitely he was the winner of this call. Because, he had more sanity than James, and James was more too stunned to speak than he was tonight. Maybe he got the confidence miraculously from their interactions before? Or maybe it was the sugar rush from the snack? Or the dopamine he just got from spending time with James? No one knows—not even himself.

"Don't forget that we have a 'date' tomorrow." James said, and Regulus could tell that he was smiling, maybe a big one.

"I don't remember agreeing to a date?" Regulus asked back, teasing of course.

"Oh. This is a 'best friend date'. You've never had that before?" Sure. Best-friend-date... what the hell even is that?

"Not as I remember." Regulus said. Not that he wished it was actually a real date—or maybe he did?

"Good. I'd be the first one doing that with you then." Yes. Actually, James could be the first one in everything in Regulus's life. He wouldn't mind at all, since James already was for certain things.

"I'll text you where to meet tomorrow." Regulus said casually, trying so hard not to sound like he was waiting for it or very excited about it—he was.

"Sure. I'll wait for the text." James replied. Somehow Regulus could tell that he was excited about it too. It could be heard in his voice. Or maybe Regulus just wished for that.

"Okay."

"Okay..."

"Should we end this now? So we can sleep?" Regulus asked, because this was kind of a late.

"Sounds like a good idea." James agreed with him, "Good night, baby Black."

"Good night, Potter."

But no one ended the call. The call was still connected, and they could still hear each other's breathing.

"Are you trying to sleep-call me now, Potter?" Regulus asked again in the end.

"Oh. I thought you were the one trying to do that to me." Prick! James was actually so good at shutting Regulus's mouth and mind too.

"You're a prick. I'll end this, James."

"Okay, Reggie. By the way, I don't have any issue being your prick." James was still teasing him until the end of the call. Is that normal?

"Yeah, sure. Should I be grateful for that then?" Regulus asked in amusement.

"You could if you want to." James said, shameless as always.

"Alright, thank you for being my prick, James Potter." Regulus thought, they could actually do this until morning. Maybe they should try a sleep-call later. But, of course, he wouldn't ask for that.

"You're welcome, Regulus Black. You better not dream about me."

"Oh. You were the one who shouldn't be dreaming about me."

"But I wouldn't mind if I did."

"Okay. I'll visit you in the dream then." Regulus Black, what is this behavior? Are you crazy?

"I shall sleep now then, so I can meet you." James said. He must've loved that kind of joke.

"Yes. You should." Regulus said.

"Okay..."

"Okay..."

Fuck. Are they gonna do this forever?

"I'll end this." Regulus said, gathering his courage to be the one who ended the call.

"Sure, Reggie."

"Bye, James."

And finally the call was ended. Regulus looked at the ceiling and couldn't hold back his smile. Honestly, he didn't know if this was normal or not—this thing that was happened between them. Was this kind of flirty talk something friends did? Was this what happened between Evan and Barty? Barty always teased Evan in front of them. Maybe behind the closed door it was worse? Maybe this was what Barty was always did to Evan?

Maybe this was normal? Just playing around with each other. It didn't mean anything.

Right?

James found himself sitting with Regulus in one of the abandoned rooms at school. He never thought Regulus knew about a place like this.

"How did you find this place?" James asked. They had already cleared the dust off the area where they wanted to sit. Now, they were sitting on a long bench—maybe this used to be an old classroom before? They didn't know.

"By accident." Regulus answered, then he brought out a lunch box and handed it to James.

"Ow. You really brought it for me." James felt his heart warm. Regulus had really done what he said he would. He opened the lunch box and saw a croissant sandwich with turkey and cheese.

"Yes. If not, why the hell would we be here." Regulus said, rolling his eyes.

"Thanks." James said and took a bite of the croissant.

"Is it good?" Regulus asked.

James ate in a rush, like he was starving. Or maybe it was because it was from Regulus. No one knew—not even James.

"Uh-uhm." James nodded slightly at Regulus because he was still chewing, "It's delicious." He said finally.

Regulus locked his gaze on James, and James paused, locking his eyes with him too. "What?" He asked, confused.

Regulus didn't answer. He simply brushed his thumb against the corner of James's lips. Maybe there was a food crumb there. But what Regulus just did successfully froze James.

James looked into Regulus's eyes. So pretty. Not just his eyes—his whole face was a masterpiece. Maybe James could hang a painting of Regulus in his room and admire it forever. Yeah. He wouldn't mind doing that.

James set the lunch box—previously on his lap—to the side before cupping Regulus's face with both hands. He couldn't wait any longer.

Regulus's eyes widened, "James, what—"

"You can stop me if you don't want this." James whispered before titling his head closer to Regulus's face—his lips, exactly.

Regulus didn't pull away. So maybe... maybe he wanted this too?

James's lips pressed against Regulus's—soft, tender. He kissed him so gently. James thought, 'So this is what Regulus's lips feel like'. They weren't cold at all. James's whole body burned from the contact. He wanted more—he wanted to be inside Regulus's mouth, to map it with his tongue.

At first, Regulus didn't move at all. Did he not enjoy the kiss? Should James stop?

James began pulling away, realization crashing down. Did he just kiss Regulus Black? His best friend's brother?

"Regulus, I'm so—" He started, but his words were cut off by Regulus's movement.

The other boy grabbed James's face and kissed him quickly. God. Regulus's kiss was so sweet and soft. That boy treated James's mouth so holly, like it was the most precious thing in the world. Regulus's hands were cold, but it was okay because honestly—James's body was on fire from his touch. There was no logical explanation for what just happened. And James definitely didn't need one.

"Hhh, fuck—" James moaned into the kiss, then he kissed Regulus even harder. He never saw himself as a lust-driven person. But we were talking about Regulus Black here. Even when they weren't kissing, James always felt the tension when the other boy was near.

James mapped Regulus's mouth this time, his tongue exploring, craving every inch. And the best part was—Regulus' tongue moved too. Their tongues tangled in a messy, breathless rush. James kissed harder, rougher, and Regulus followed his rhythm. James could hear moans slip from his own mouth—and from the other boy he was kissing.

The kiss was so intense that James had to take off his glasses to kiss properly—no, to kiss harder. They didn't know how long it went on. But, James didn't care. He could stay here forever as long as Regulus was by his side.

"James, hh—" Regulus let out a small moan from his pretty lips, and that was enough to make James completely lose his mind. Because whatever Regulus needed when he called James's name, James answered it with a kiss that was even more harder, rougher, and more fiery.

James was letting all the fire between them burst loose. All the longing, all the waiting—for this. He needed Regulus to feel it in the kiss. He needed Regulus to know how badly he had wanted this—soft, hard, whatever. He just needed this kiss.

James didn't even give them time to breathe. Oh. James was down so fucking bad for this boy.

"James. Honey." Someone tapped James's shoulder.

James snapped awake from his sleep. He opened his eyes in shock.

"I was trying to wake you up. Don't you have class?" Effie asked, confused by her son's dazed look.

"Y-yeah. Thanks, Mom." James said, blinked and then rubbing his face hesitantly. It was all just a dream?

"Okay." Effie left James's room. Had he forgotten to lock the door?

Then James looked under the blanket.

He looked down at himself.

He could see, that he was hard.

Fuck.

This was so embarrassing. What was he? A thirteen-year-old James Potter again? He hadn't had a wet dream in years. Maybe not since high school?

Fuck me.

You are so pathetic. And a lunatic.

He groaned in frustration before heading to the bathroom. He needed to clear his mind—and his very pathetic life.

I really am a disgusting person.

James glanced at his reflection in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed. The heat hadn't left his body. Then, unconsciously, he bit his bottom lips.

Trying to remember.

Was Regulus's lips as soft as they were in the dream? Or even softer than that?

And if they were to kiss in real life... could James do it with the same passion as in his dream? Because, Merlin helps him, he wanted so badly to recreate every second of what he just dreamed.

James wanted to hear Regulus moan his name while he kissed him—rough.

"Fuck me." He whispered again, stepping into the shower.

He needed so fucking badly to snap back to reality before the dream scene completely rotted his brain—and his soul—from the inside out.

Chapter Text

Regulus had finished getting dressed and went downstairs to the dinning room to have breakfast with his family. They were already there—his father, mother, and Sirius. Kind of weird how Sirius always managed to be at the table first, even though he was the last one to get home every night. Did he even sleep at all?

"Morning, mon chéri." Walburga greeted her younger son with a warm smile as she prepared Regulus's plate.

"Morning, Maman." Regulus replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Then he glanced at his father, who was—unsurprisingly—busy with the newspaper. "Morning, Papa." He added as he sat down on one of the chairs.

"Morning, Reggie." His father replied behind the newspaper with a nod.

"What about me?" Sirius said with protest. Regulus knew his brother was enjoying teasing him during breakfast—it was just his typical move.

"Morning, Frère." Regulus said, unbothered.

"Morning too, mon petit frère." Sirius replied, definitely enjoying teasing his little brother.

"So, what time did you get back last night, Siri?" Their mother asked as she sipped her tea.

"Can't quite remember, Mom. Maybe around midnight? I'm not really sure." Sirius answered. Regulus remembered Sirius coming home a little past midnight, but he didn't bother to comment. He just focused on eating his breakfast in silence.

There was something that bothered him so much at this moment. What if their mother told Sirius that James was hanging out with him last night? He was kind of scared about that.

"Where were you, then?" Now their father was the one asking Sirius. Yeah. It's not a surprise, actually, that their parents were always deeply invested in Sirius's activity. Of course, because they were talking about Sirius here. The golden child. Regulus realized that his life was not that interesting to be asked about. Because seemed like he didn't even have a life besides school, home, or his little group of friend who didn't hang out that much.

Compared to Sirius's life, of course, everything in Regulus's life felt plain.

"Just helping some friend." Sirius replied. But somehow, Regulus could see that he was kind of nervous. Why?

"Helping James?" Their mother asked.

Now, Regulus stared at their mother full of confusion. Didn't their mother remember that James was picking him up last night?

"No, it was Remus." Sirius answered, focusing on his food.

Helping Remus? Until midnight? What kind of help?

"Oh, Remus—the poetry boy?" their father asked.

Regulus sat silently, listening. And maybe he could gossip about this with James later.

"Yes, that one. Wait—how do you even know that, Dad?" Sirius blinked at Orion, surprised.

"From your Maman, of course. Where else?" Orion answered and shook his head slowly, feeling amused by Sirius's words.

"So you two gossip about me now?" Sirius asked, glaring at both parents.

They laughed softly. "It isn't gossip if you talk about your own son, right?" Walburga said playfully.

"But still, though." Sirius pouted his lips. What a dramatic person.

"You should invite Remus over sometime. How could we never meet him in person by now?" Orion suggested enthusiastically.

Regulus wondered if there'd be a day when Sirius's life wasn't fascinating to their parents. Probably not.

"Well, I'll tell him that you invited him, and we will see if he accepts your invitation or not, Dad." Sirius replied with a grin. Such a lively conversation in the morning.

But back to the main focus—why did their mother lie about James earlier? Was she just helping Regulus keep it a secret?

Regulus looked at their mother in silence. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on.

Walburga might have felt that she was being watched by her young son, so she looked at him and then gave him a little smile and a... wink?

Wait, what was that wink for?

"Mom, why is our freezer full of Korean snacks?" Sirius was now standing in front of the open freezer as he looked around inside.

Regulus turned his gaze to Sirius. Oh, please don't touch his snacks. But he couldn't say it out loud. He just wished that his brother could read his mind for not fucking touch his stuff.

"Oh, honey." Walburga walked closer to Sirius, "So, yesterday, I was shopping for myself."

"You did?" Now, Orion raised his eyebrows as he looked confused at his wife.

Walburga looked at Orion with some unreadable expression and Regulus watched all that, thinking what a dramatic scene in the morning. Then Walburga continued, "Yes, love. I was shopping a little to buy some snacks for myself." That one was for Orion. And their father nodded hesitantly, trying to agree with his wife—who was lying to him.

"You bought all of this for yourself? I didn't know you love snacks, Mom?" Sirius narrowed his eyes in confusion at Walburga.

"Well, sometimes I do, honey." Walburga turned back to her son and smiled, "The point is, you can't eat these."

"Wow, Mom, how could you be petty at me?" Sirius said with a dramatic voice and expression, as always.

Wait. Did their mother just secure Regulus's snacks from Sirius? What the hell is happening right now?

Regulus had lost his appetite to finish his food. He just kept looking at Walburga and Sirius, who were still standing in front of their freezer.

"Oh, Sirius—you hate strawberry, don't you?" Walburga asked.

Sirius threw his gaze inside the freezer, checking the snacks, "Wait, this all was strawberry? Uh—Mom, how can you love that stuff?"

No. Of course it wasn't their mother. At least, Regulus knew that Sirius really didn't know he was the one who loved strawberries.

"Don't judge me—I wasn't judging your weird jacket." Walburga shot back with a tease.

Sirius widened his eyes and gave their mother a disbelieving look, "Mom... How could you say that?"

Very dramatic. But at least his snacks were safe now.

"Okay, okay." Walburga chuckled and then closed their freezer.

"Don't say that again, or I'll actually cry." Sirius warned Walburga dramatically.

"Oh. I wouldn't mind. Been a while since I saw you cry." She teased Sirius.

"Mommmmm...."

"Alright, alright, Sirius."

"My son is so strong that I doubt I'll ever see him cry again." Orion said, teaming up with Walburga to annoy Sirius.

"Nice joke, Dad." Sirius looked at Orion with a pout.

Regulus stood and walked to the sink to wash his dishes. Walburga stood beside him, cleaning something too. After finishing with the dishes, Regulus leaned closer to Walburga so he could whisper to her.

"Merci, Maman."

Walburga looked at her son with a soft smile and then whispered back, "Anytime, petit chéri."

Regulus would be forever grateful for his Mother's help—whatever reason she did that.

"Are you coming with me?" Sirius asked Regulus.

"You driving again?" Two days in a row—what a record for Sirius driving himself.

"Yeah. I need to help Remus again." Sirius replied casually and nodded at Regulus.

Help with what, though?

"Yeah. Wait for me?" Regulus said with a little beg for his brother. But still in a cool way.

"Sure, I'll wait outside. Bye Mom, bye Dad." Sirius waved a little to their parents before he went outside.

"Mom, can I bring some food?" Regulus asked Walburga.

Walburga looked at Regulus, confused, but she didn't question it, "Okay. Let me help you, honey." Then Walburga helped Regulus prepare some food into a lunch box and handed it to him.

"Here, baby."

"Thanks, Mom." Regulus said and then he kissed Walburga's cheek. "Bye dad." He added, and then followed Sirius outside with the lunch box.

"You bring food now?" Sirius asked Regulus in confusion as he looked at the lunch box.

"Yeah." Regulus answered shortly before going inside the car.

"Weird." Sirius mumbled a little before following his brother into the car.

"So... are you coming home late or what?" Sirius asked Regulus while focusing on driving. He didn't bother to look at his brother.

"No... why?" Regulus asked, not bothering to look at his brother either.

"Because you bring food? Looks like you're eating out." Sirius said.

Regulus sighed a moment, "Well. I just lost some appetite before, so I brought it in case I get hungry later."

"But, you could've gone to the cafeteria, though?"

Sometimes, Regulus wondered why they had to do this kind of conversation. They didn't really want to know about each other's life but still managed to act like they did.

"The food was delicious." Regulus answered in the end.

"Okay, then." Sirius nodded in understanding.

"Are you going to drive every day?" Regulus asked. Because if Sirius was going to do this every day, maybe he should prepare to always join him.

"I didn't know. But let's say that it might be kind of often than before." Sirius answered, hesitant.

"Okay."

"You can join me, if you like to." Sirius said, offering Regulus to join him.

"Yeah. I would like to." Sure, why not? So he didn't need Barty to pick him up or ask their dad to do that.

"Hmm.." Sirius hummed as reply.

"What did Remus ask help for?" Regulus slipped out the question inside his head to the right person to ask.

"Hmm?" Sirius sneaked glances at Regulus—maybe he was surprised by the question.

"Ce n'est rien d'important." Sirius replied. Clearly, he didn't want to talk about that to Regulus, as expected.

"Ouais." Regulus didn't want to ask more.

If his brother didn't want to tell him, it's okay. They weren't that close anyway. They had never even shared any personal thoughts before. Even Sirius never knew that his brother had a huge crush on his best friend and had already sneaked out to hang out with that boy last night. So, for Regulus it was totally fine that Sirius didn't want to share his secret stuff with him. Regulus didn't want to share his either.

"Okay, here we are." Sirius said as they finally arrived.

"Thanks, Sirius." Regulus said and then he went out of the car.

"Okay, Reggie."

Regulus walked out to his class with his lunch box in one hand while the other held his phone. He looked at his screen, wondering why James hadn't texted him. Oh. He was waiting for a text from that boy now?

Someone bumped into him, but not in a hard way, Regulus looked at the person, ready for snap. But he stopped mid-air, because the one who bumped into him was the one that he was thinking about just now.

"Hi." James said softly with a smile. A nice way to start a day.

"You didn't have to bump into me like that." Regulus said, slipping his phone into his trousers pocket.

"Yeah. But I have to make our interactions look accidental, remember?" James replied with a teasing grin. Yeah, he would definitely be teasing Regulus. No wonder about that. Maybe, Regulus was used to it now.

"Fair point." Regulus muttered in agreement.

They both kept walking toward the building, because if they stopped, they might get caught by Sirius. Who knows what could've happened?

"So, I see you brought the food." James said, glancing at the lunch box in Regulus's hand.

"Yeah. Do you want to keep this?" Regulus asked.

Honestly, he would love to have a-best-friend-date with James as they talked about earlier. But, he didn't want to seem like he was desperate for it. He wanted to play it cool, like he was supposed to be. So, if James wanted to just eat the food by himself, Regulus would let him.

"Then it wouldn't be a date, would it?" James said with mock disapproval.

Of course. Why had Regulus assumed he was the only one excited about this date? Because the other boy didn't even bother to hide his joy whenever they talked about this.

"You should ask me properly next time." Regulus murmured. Definitely, he had been lose his mind by this point. At this point, he was just as shameless as James and his brother. But it was fine, it was only James. The other boy was far more shameless than he'd ever be.

"Ask you on a date?" James seemed a bit confused but not really in a bad way. Didn't seem like he was ready for another shot of a dumb joke.

"Yeah." This wasn't a joke at all for Regulus. He just slipped out by accident before he realized what he had just said. His eyes widened in panic, "I mean, like, as a best friend. Treat me like one." He added quickly, as he cleared his throat awkwardly. He regretted how serious his words sounded earlier.

James seemed to lock his gaze on Regulus, while the other boy didn't. They just kept walking without stopping.

"Oh." That was all James said.

Regulus didn't know what James's expression was. Was that 'oh' a bad way or good way?

"Bad joke." Regulus said in the end, hoping to save the moment. He felt bad for ruining their conversation.

"No. No it wasn't." James said, chuckling or maybe laughing a little. "Listen, I—I definitely will ask you properly one day."

Regulus stopped his steps. He threw his gaze at James, who had also stopped. He knew his cheeks must've been flushed right now, but it was the last thing he should worry about. Because what James just said was something that he never expected, even as a joke.

"And I hope you'll accept my invitation, when I do, one day." James said again, not bothered by the other boy's stare at him. He also smiled, a warm one. He didn't look nervous at all. He just looked like he was already prepared for this kind of conversation.

"Uhm.." Regulus just hummed a little, awkward again. Then he continued walking and James followed his steps.

"So, don't forget to text me?" James said again. They were nearly at the point where they'd have to go separate ways because they were both heading in different directions.

"Okay." Regulus nodded quietly.

"See you, baby Black." James said, and he was heading in his direction, leaving Regulus behind, not waiting for any reply from the other boy.

"See you, James." Regulus whispered, watching the other boy's back before heading off in his own direction.

"Morning, cutie patootie." Barty greeted as Regulus walked into class.

"Morning too, Junior." Regulus replied, and then he sat on his chair.

"Woah. Is that a lunch box?" Evan asked as he leaned on Regulus's desk.

"Hm." Regulus nodded as a reply.

"Wait, why did you bring that?" Barty asked, joining Evan to get closer to Regulus.

"Why? I’m not allowed to?" Regulus answered with a question to his two best friends.

"It's not that you're not allowed, but why did you bring that?" Barty insisted. Clearly, he had an obsession with other people's business—Regulus's. Because Evan, he always knew some boundaries, especially with Regulus.

"I don't think it's any of your business, Bee." Evan helped Regulus handle Barty. As always. Honestly, Regulus didn't know what he could do if he didn't have Evan for handling the other boy.

"Oh. It's not? Then what is my business, Mr. Rosier?" Barty threw his gaze to Evan. Maybe he was ready for another teasing conversation.

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" Evan replied, looked amused.

"Okay. Wrap it up, you too. Just get a room already." Regulus said with a shake of his head. These two bastards would never not bother him with their weird conversations. But, wait... did he and James look like this too when they were talking?

Oh. This might be Regulus's lowest point. For having some weird friendship like Evan and Barty was.

"You're just jealous of us." Barty said with a smirk to Regulus. Made him want to punch that boy.

"I'd only be jealous, if you actually got a room." Regulus replied, mocking Barty right back.

"Wow. Is this a challenge, Black? Who says we can't get a room?" Barty said, gasping like drama queen. Oh. This bastard was almost as insane and dramatic as his brother was. Maybe, James was right about Sirius and Barty earlier.

"Yeah. It is." Regulus replied, and then he glanced at Evan. The other boy's expression was unreadable. Did he hate the joke?

"Evan, honey, looks like we have to take this challenge seriously." Barty said as he leaned his chin on Evan's shoulder.

"Enough, Crouch." Evan shook his head, trying to play along, but Regulus could see something was happening. He just didn't know what it was.

"Haven't even started, how could you already tell enough?" Barty pouted as he glanced at the other boy in the face, still totally one hundred percent leaning his head on the other boy's shoulder. Why was Regulus's life filled with shameless people?

"So, what should I say to your nonsense?" Evan looked down at Barty's face too now. They locked their gaze in a very weird and close distance.

Regulus saw them in confusion. He'd never suspected anything between them before. But why now did he feel like he saw something that wasn't there before? Were they always like this? Or was it because he had some weird situation with James that he started to notice things he normally wouldn't, around him?

Wait, is that why he noticed something between Remus and his brother?

Was he becoming a... psychic?

No. He must've been crazy.

"Okay. I'll pay for your room, just tell me when you need one." Regulus said, trying to break the tension.

"You better pay for a nice one, Black." Surprisingly, it wasn't Barty's voice. It was the other boy's. And Barty just grinned at what Evan had just said.

"Okay. Evan. You have my word about that." Regulus nodded, and then he took out his book. "Where's Dorcas and Dora?" He asked.

"Oh. They were probably at Marlene's or something." Barty replied and looked at Regulus now, still leaning on Evan's shoulder.

"Barty, can you stop leaning on Evan?" Regulus asked and pointed at Barty's position.

"Just let this prick do what he wants, Reg." Evan answered for Barty. Did he just defend the prick boy?

"Regulus, you should find someone to date so you don't get jealous of us again." Barty added with a familiar annoying tone.

"Barty. I'd rather kill myself than be jealous of whatever you two have." Regulus replied with a mocking face.

"You better not kill yourself, darling." It was Dorcas's voice. She had just gotten back with Pandora.

"Oh. The lover girl already back, so how's it going on?" Evan asked Dorcas, not bothered that Barty was still in the same position. They both were probably just as crazy.

"Well... yeah." Dorcas smiled, a big one.

"Hi, Dora." Regulus greeted Pandora, who was now leaning her arm on Regulus's shoulder.

"Hi, Reggie."

"Wait, what was going on?" Barty looked confused at Dorcas. And Regulus followed him to look at Dorcas too. Clearly, they both didn't follow what was going on.

"Oh. Remember the story I told you before? About the Halloween party?" Dorcas reminded them both.

"Oh. The one at your lake house?" Regulus asked.

"Yeah. That one. I think I just asked Marlene if she cared to join us." Dorcas said with a grin.

"And she said yes?" Evan turned to ask now.

"Well, she said she'd think about it."

"It'll be fun if she does." Pandora said with a soft smile.

"Wow, Dorcas... You're really doing everything for that girl, huh?" Barty said, impressed.

Yeah. Dorcas was very gentle about this. She wasn't scared of showing her sexuality, since the first day Regulus knew her. And the most adorable part about it was her parents knew about it and seemed okay with that. Then, she leaned her eyes on Marlene when 'The Marauders' were guest stars for some school event before, and since that day, she had constantly liked Marlene. Not in a weird, stalker way. But in an appropriate way. With small gestures and small attention.

Regulus wasn't surprised if Marlene eventually fell for her. Who wouldn't? Dorcas was an amazing woman and her way of showing love was adorable.

"Well... you're all invited too, remember?" Dorcas said, and Regulus could see her cheeks were flushed.

"We should come, Evan." Barty said to Evan with full excitement.

"Yeah." Evan nodded. Seemed like he would do everything Barty said—weird.

"Sure, Dorcas. We'd love to, right, Reg?" Pandora asked Regulus.

Regulus looked at Pandora, before he realized everyone was looking at him now, waiting for an answer. "Well, I'll think about it." Regulus said finally.

Sure, like he'd said before. He wasn't a really fun person. He didn't like parties or hanging out. He didn't like the idea of leaving his home for a very long time. His life was kind of boring. But he was fine with that. He wasn't complaining about that either. Besides that, now he had something to do with his boring life—something that involved James.

"Let me know if you decide to join, okay, Reg?" Dorcas asked him, and Regulus nodded.

Then, they all returned to their own seats because the class was starting.

James

You better be joking.

Regulus lifted his eyebrows in confusion. His class for the first section had just finished, and he just texted James where they would meet for their best-friend-date. But the other boy replied like that to Regulus's text.

Regulus

Why did you think this was a joke?

James

Are you for real?

Regulus

I am, why wouldn't I?

James

Library? Of all the places?

Regulus

Yeah?

James

Regulus, we're not even sure if we're allowed to eat in the library

"Reg, are you not joining?" Evan asked Regulus as the group headed toward the cafeteria.

"No, Evan, thanks." Regulus replied with a small shake of his head and a smile.

Evan nodded, and followed the others, leaving Regulus behind.

Regulus

Trust me, Potter

Just meet me there

James

Fine

Regulus stared at his phone in disbelief. What was so bad about the library? Besides, there is no one in the library at this hour, and Regulus knew the library keeper. She was a very lovely woman. So, Regulus grabbed his lunch box and then went out to the library.

"Hi, Myrtle." Regulus greeted a woman behind the desk who was busy with something.

The woman—Myrtle—looked at him and smiled, "Oh, Regulus. Haven't seen you for a long time." She said gently.

"Yeah. Kind of busy. Is there anyone here?" Regulus asked curiously.

"You know that not many people like this place, right?" Myrtle asked, meaning no one was here.

"Hmm.." Regulus hummed, and then he looked in one direction toward a corner, "I need some private space with my friend. Can we stay here for a bit?" Regulus asked Myrtle.

"Sure. Go ahead." Myrtle nodded, didn't seem like she minded at all.

"And is it okay if we eat here?" Regulus asked again as he showed his lunch box to Myrtle.

"Oh, Regulus. You could do whatever. No one cares anyway." Myrtle replied with a wink. What a lovely woman.

"Thanks, Myrtle."

"Sure, anytime."

"Regulus..."

Regulus looked at the source of the call and saw James Potter looking like he was just running for a mile.

"We'll go then. Bye Myrtle." Regulus nodded slightly at Myrtle before walking in his direction, followed by James.

"You know her?" James asked when they had already far enough from the woman.

"Yeah." Regulus nodded.

Then he sat himself in the one corner—the most rarely visited aisle in this library. The Psychic aisle. And James sat beside him. They both leaned their backs against the wall, and their shoulders were touching.

"Here." Regulus handed the lunch box to James.

"Thanks." James said as he took it from Regulus. And then he handed Regulus a plastic bag, "And this one's for you."

"You bought this for me?" Regulus asked as he took the bag from James and looked inside. It was a bread, strawberry milk and a bottle of water.

"You should eat something too." James said, smiling at him.

Don't ask about Regulus's feelings right now. Because there will be no days without joy if we're talking about James. His heart will forever pound because of this boy. Regulus couldn't imagine if there was one day that he stopped liking James. James would always hold something in his life.

"Thanks." Regulus said and nodded at the other boy.

Then they both started to check on their food. Regulus had just opened the wrapper of his bread when he heard James chuckle a little as he saw the food that Regulus brought.

"What's so funny?" Regulus asked James.

"Nothing... Just had a dream you brought me a croissant with turkey and cheese, and now you've actually brought almost the same thing—except it's ham." James explained and showed the lunch box to Regulus.

"Well, my mom made croissants yesterday, and we had a bunch of them for breakfast." Regulus explained why did he brought that to James. Then he thought... James dreamed about this?

"Your mom's cooking is always a masterpiece. Has she ever considered opening a café?" James asked as he started to eat his food.

"I don't know. She never talks about that." Regulus answered as he ate his bread too. This bread was same like the one that James bought for him earlier.

"Uhm.." James hummed, busy chewing.

"So..." Regulus said hesitantly, and James just looked at him when he heard him. They locked their gazes right now. "What did you dream about?"

"Oughh-ough." James choked on his food. Regulus was shocked enough that he started to open the water bottle and handed it to James.

"Slow down, Potter." Regulus said as he patted James's back slightly. How stupid James was—why was he chewing food so messily that he chocked that hard?

"I'm okay." James said finally. And Regulus didn't know what happened, but somehow he felt the air was tightening and kind of heated up. Regulus looked around—this room wasn't supposed to be warm like this because, besides the cold weather, the room was empty, so it was supposed to not feel tight.

Regulus looked at James, who... looked weird. Regulus knew James was always looked weird sometimes, but this was weird-weird.

"What is it?" Regulus asked, confused. James didn't make eye contact with him; he just looked down at his shoes. The food had already been put back in the box and seted away.

"Uhm... remember when you said that you'd visit me in my dream?" James asked in a small voice, hesitating.

"Yeah. Did I pay a visit?" Regulus asked, trying to make a joke so James might feel better. But it didn't seem to affect the other boy. He still looked like he couldn't breathe.

"Yeah... you did, actually." James's voice was so close to a whisper at this point.

Regulus kept looking at James. He had never seen James like this before. Mostly, he was the one that felt awkward between them. James was always good at throwing stupid jokes and melting a cold situation. They had proved that in the car last night.

"Was it a bad dream?" Regulus asked. Maybe it was kind of a bad dream and it made James nervous just thinking about it.

"It isn't... kind of a nice one." James said again, still not looking at Regulus.

What the hell did this boy dream about? If that dream was 'kind of nice' but he acted like he was full of terror—what was the dream about, exactly?

"Okay... you look like just saw a ghost." Regulus said, voicing his thoughts.

James chuckled. See? Regulus Black could make jokes too, apparently.

"I wasn't." James said, and then he looked at Regulus, who was still looking at him, focused.

James's smile faded when he realized that they were locked in eye contact. Their distance was close enough, even if it wasn't that close.

Regulus could see that James's face was kind of heated up? His cheeks were flushed. Was he sick?

"Are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up." Regulus asked, worried. Then he touched James's forehead with the back of his hand to check if the other boy was sick or what.

"Um... Regulus." James whispered as Regulus's hand touched him. Their eyes still locked with each other.

Well... James probably was sick. Because his body seemed warmer than usual. Regulus could tell that he wasn't feeling well right now.

"I think you're sick." Regulus said as he pulled his hand away.

"Hmm... yeah, probably. What a shame." James said. Then he cleared his throat nervously. What was happening again now? This boy seemed so fucking weird this time—not like his usual self.

"Maybe we should go back?" Regulus asked James, suggested.

James was still looking at Regulus, and so was Regulus. They didn't know how long they'd been doing this. James didn't say anything at first, and Regulus really didn't know what the fuck was happening.

"Y-yeah." James said in the end

"Okay." Regulus said, and then he broke the eye contact. He cleaned up their mess and then stood up first. Then he looked at James, who was still frozen in his place.

"C'mere." Regulus said as he held out one of his hands to James so he could grab it.

James looked up at Regulus as he still crouched in the same position.

"C'mon, don't ignore my hand." Regulus said again because James didn't reach for it.

"Yeah." James said, and then he grabbed Regulus's hand so the other boy could pull him. But because James was bigger than Regulus, the other boy somehow lost his balance and almost fell if James hadn't grabbed his waist.

They locked their gaze in shock with a very fucking small distance. Their eyes were widened. And time seemed to stop for both of them.

Regulus could tell what James's eyes color now. James's eyes were a soft hazel.

"I-I'm sorry." James said as he pulled his hand away from Regulus's waist.

Regulus snapped back from his thoughts too, "No. No, it's fine. Thanks, though." Regulus said awkwardly.

"I shouldn't have let you pull me." James said, and he totally couldn't hide how nervous he was.

"Yeah." Regulus said in agreement, "But thanks—it could have been worse if you didn't... catch me." Grabbed my fucking waist!

"S-sure..."

Now, they both looked like dumb-fucking-people. The worst part is Regulus didn't follow what exactly happened just now.

"Can I just take the croissant?" James asked finally after he gathered his courage to look at the other boy.

Regulus nodded. He was looking at James, trying to look for a clue. Whatever clue he could find in that boy's expression. But he didn't find any, besides James looking like he was ill.

"Thanks, Regulus—I mean, Reggie." James said awkwardly as he grabbed the lunch box that was still on the floor.

"Okay... James." Regulus replied, and he grabbed his bag from James earlier.

"Uhm... so, I'll head out first?" James asked for permission to leave, and Regulus just nodded.

"Yeah."

"Thanks again." James said again, and then he left Regulus.

Regulus still stood in his position. What the hell just happened? Why did James look like that? Was there anything wrong?

James was always playing around him and very good at some teasing game. So what the hell happened that made him look terrified like that. As far as Regulus remembered, he didn't do anything that might terrify James. He didn't show any signs of crushing on that boy in a weird way. If he had leaned closer and kissed that boy, it might have terrified him, but he didn't do that.

James was the only one who loved jokes about something uncomfortable like that. Not Regulus.

So, why did James look like he just saw ghosts?

"Weird." Regulus said in a low voice before heading out and leaving too.

"What did you do with the other boy, Reg?" Myrtle asked, still sitting behind her desk.

"Hi Myrtle." Regulus nodded slightly at her, "I think he was sick?" Regulus leaned his body closer to Myrtle's desk.

"I think... he liked you." Myrtle said with a wink to Regulus.

"Now, that sounds so crazy." Regulus shook his head with a light laugh from Myrtle's jokes.

"I wasn't joking, Reg." Myrtle protested at him, "I could see that—I mean, everyone could see that."

"I can't." Regulus said with a smile. Yeah. What a crazy thought of her. He would know if James liked him. He had known James since they were younger. Zero possibility that he didn't know if that boy showed any signs of liking. All he could see from James was that boy seemed to enjoy so fucking badly annoying him with all his teasing behavior.

Just like what Barty did to Evan. If someone told Evan that Barty might like him, Evan probably would punch them in the face.

"You are blind then." Myrtle shook her head with disbelief.

"I think there are reasons that you were the one who used glasses, Myr." Regulus said, teasing Myrtle.

"Oh, Regulus. I have nearsighted, Regulus, not blind." Myrtle rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, if you say so. I'll go then, thanks Myr." Regulus said before heading back to his class. He could hear Myrtle still insisting about what she said before, but Regulus just ignored it.

Myrtle couldn't know James more than he did. Myrtle wasn't the one who spent thousands of hour with James since they were very little. She hadn't spent years with James, hadn't grown up beside him. No. Myrtle knew nothing about James, not like him. He knew a lot of stuff about James. And one of those was—James fucking Potter didn't like him.

He wasn't even into boy. James was straight as fuck. He wasn't Regulus.

And if he was. Regulus would know.

And they probably would go on a real date.

And maybe—just maybe—they'd put Sirius and their parents last.

How dare you think about that? Regulus thought to himself. How dare he think that he could put Sirius and their parents last.

Both of those were supposed to be in the front line. In front of his feelings for James—or as Myrtle recalled—James's feelings for him.

Which was—thank Merlin—that James didn't like him that way, so he didn't have to handle all that shit since it won’t be happened anyway.

Admiring James from afar was Regulus's plan until he died, maybe. He wasn't planning on having someone else either for now. He enjoyed his own company.

Admiring the Sun from Earth.

Chapter Text

Regulus had checked his phone a few times by now. Class had finished minutes ago, but he still hadn't left the classroom. Neither had his friends; they were all still chatting with each other.

"Hey, Reg, I noticed you've been checking your phone a few times. Is something wrong?" Dorcas asked Regulus, curious as she glanced at him.

"Nah. Just checking the time." Regulus replied, shaking his head, trying to act casual so he wouldn't draw attention.

"You got something to do?" This time, Barty was the one who was asking. This small circle of friends always noticed things—even to something that was none of their business. Sometimes, it terrified Regulus.

"No. We should probably head out now." Regulus said, trying to cut off the conversation. He stood up and got ready to leave the classroom, hoping his friends would go along with it.

"Yeah. It's not like we like being here anyway." Evan nodded in agreement with Regulus and then walking over to his side.

"Okay." Everyone else finally agreed, and they all went to leave the classroom.

Dorcas, Pandora, and Barty walked behind Regulus and Evan. The three of them were busy talking about some assignments, while the other two seemed quite busy with their own thoughts.

"Reg..." Evan called quietly, making sure only Regulus was hearing his voice.

"Hm?" Regulus hummed in reply and glanced at the other boy who was quite taller than him.

"Want to come with me? I can drive you home." Evan asked as he looked at Regulus.

"You're driving?" Regulus asked back, because Evan didn't often drive himself to school. Mostly, he just took a ride with Barty. Barty was the one who consistently brought his vehicle to school.

"Yeah."

Regulus knew James wouldn't always be there to drive him home from school. But sometimes, he wished that the other boy wanted to. Which was, of course, something that would only happen in his imagination. They didn't have any kind of agreement to do such things anyway.

Regulus believed, James was somehow just bored of his monotonous life, and that's why he decided to mess with him for a bit. But seeing what just happened in the library... James might already be bored with his toy.

That boy hadn't texted him either. Why did it feel like he just got ghosted by James?

"Sure, Evan." Regulus nodded finally.

Guess his life was about to return to being just as boring as it used to be—without James Potter. Who would've thought it would end this quickly? But nothing lasts forever anyway.

"Evan, can you tell Mom I'll be back late?" Pandora asked from behind.

"Sure, sis." Evan nodded slightly, understanding.

"Hey, you two aren't sharing secrets without us again, right?" Barty said, stepping between Evan and Regulus to separate them.

"And what if we are?" Evan asked, amused with Barty's jealousy. Somehow, Regulus believed that Barty's issues with them being caught a bit closer were because he was jealous that Evan was close to anyone else besides him, even if that person was Regulus.

"Then I might have to steal you from Regulus." Barty said as he grabbed Evan's arm and leaned on it as they kept walking. Very obsessive.

"Just take him, I don't want him anyway." Regulus said, hoping that his voice could remind Barty that they weren't alone, because he was still there.

"Whoa. Don't say something like that, Reg." Barty glanced at Regulus as he gasped after hearing the other boy.

"Something like what?" Regulus lifted his eyebrows. He didn't feel like there was anything wrong with what he had just said earlier. He didn't want Evan. Not in the way that Barty should worry about, probably.

"Everyone wants Evan, how could you say that about him?" Barty said with a disbelieving look, which Regulus thought as a joke at first, but he started to doubt it a few seconds later.

Sometimes, with all the teasing Barty did around Evan, Regulus couldn't tell what was a joke and what wasn't. Because Regulus believed that not all that Barty's said about Evan was a joke as it sounded. Some things felt... real.

And that wasn't an issue at all for Regulus. Because people could admire their friends in their own way. Like what he did with all his friends—admiring them. But after what he'd recently learned—about Evan having a crush on a boy—Regulus kind of worried about Barty's action around Evan. He didn't know who the boy was that Evan had talked about earlier. He didn't think it was Barty, of course.

But... the possibility was never zero. What if it was Barty?

Imagining what Evan might've gone through all this time with Barty, it couldn't be easier than what Regulus just experienced with James these days. And he just happened to spend time with James intensely for less than a week, and it had already felt like going through hell. What about Evan's feelings? He and Barty had already been doing this type of shit almost forever.

As Regulus knew, they were even friends before high school. Maybe not like his situation with James, where they had grown up together. But it didn't make it less worse than it already was. But, yeah, probably Evan wasn't talking about Barty earlier. And if it wasn't Barty, then, whatever that was, it probably didn't look like hell. Regulus hoped so.

"I think... You were the only one who things about Evan that way." Regulus said finally, hoping that this didn't offend any of his friends. Because Barty was his friend too, and he didn't want to think that Barty was less important than Evan.

"You think?" Barty asked as he narrowed his gaze at Regulus. Looked like a boy who wanted to know what their parents thought about their drawings.

"Hey. Can you two not talk about me like I'm not here?" Evan now joined the conversation. Of course, he was. He was the main character in all of this. Barty and Regulus had some kind of weird conversation that made Evan look like he didn't exist there.

"Yeah. Barty. I think." Regulus nodded, ignoring Evan and just focusing on what he needed to right now—convincing Barty and validating whatever thoughts he had.

"What are you talking about, guys?" Pandora asked from behind.

"Just how obsessive Barty is with your twin." Regulus answered as he glanced at Pandora.

Pandora and Dorcas looked amused by the words that had just slipped out of Regulus's mouth. They always loved teasing each other in their friend group.

"That what's I've been saying for 24/7!" Dorcas shouted with a laugh. "Barty has some obsessive behavior toward Evan, and that's not healthy anymore." She added, clearly wanting to live this conversation—or joke.

"Hey, Dorcas. Don't say that it's not healthy! I never say stuff like that about you and Marlene." Barty protested to Dorcas. They both would always forever enjoy teasing each other.

"But I don't act like you do." Dorcas replied with protest too. Because sure, like Regulus thought earlier, her obsession with Marlene wasn't even categorized as an obsession for Regulus. Quite the opposite of what Barty had toward Evan. But again, Dorcas loved Marlene. It shouldn't be compared like that—especially from Barty's own mouth.

It was kind of weird when he does that. He didn't imply that he was pinning for Evan right now, right?

"Again, guys, I'm still much here. Can you talk like this when I'm not around?" Evan glanced at both Barty and Dorcas, cutting off the joke about him.

"Sure..." Dorcas nodded with a light smile.

"Yeah. Poor my twin." Pandora added with a little shake of her head and a warm smile as she looked at Barty, maybe with amusement.

"You always cutting off the fun." Barty muttered, not loudly, to Evan. Regulus could hear it because he was walking side by side with them.

"You can save more fun for me." Evan said with an unreadable expression.

Now, this is the thing—Evan didn't sound like Barty. He never had. When Evan talked, even if he was joking, people would believe he wasn't. He could always convince people that everything he said was serious and from the bottom of his heart.

Quite the opposite of Barty. Barty had this special talent of turning every conversation he had into a joke, even if he didn't mean to. You couldn't tell when Barty was joking or not, because he sounded like he was joking all the damn time. And you couldn't tell when Evan was serious or not, because the boy was serious all the damn time.

What a matched pair they were.

Maybe what Evan just said was a one-shoot joke. Maybe it wasn't. Only God and the two of them knew what it meant. Regulus clearly had fucking zero clue about it.

"Okay Mr. Rosier, you always know how to turn bad things into good ones." That was definitely a joke from Barty and supposed to have no meaning at all.

"Glad that you're the one who said that." And that was also supposed to be a joke from Evan as he shot back in the teasing game with Barty.

"I definitely would pay for two nights of a room for you two." This one was a hundred percent a joke from Regulus, who couldn't hide his annoyed face as he always being the third wheel to Evan and Barty. They always seemed to forget that Regulus was there with them and very much alive to hear all their nonsense.

"You better be serious." Barty said as he chuckled and put his arm around Regulus's shoulder. Evan just shook his head with a light laugh too.

Yeah. Probably, Evan and Barty didn't have something going on between them. Probably, Regulus's mind was just being fucked by James Potter. That he started seeing everything and thinking about love all the time. Maybe he would end up thinking like he was in some ridiculous rom-com movie by this point.

When they reach the schoolyard, Regulus didn't see any sign of James's car. That boy had probably already gone home—not waiting for him, as he should of course. James had really ended something they never even had. And that was kind of sad, or at least it reminded Regulus how pathetic he was. Why was he always the one left behind—by his brother or by James? But then he remembered that he was the one who left James before. Two years ago, he had been the one to walk away—to end their friendship without a single word.

So maybe this was James's turn to leave him. Well, Regulus could bear it. It wasn't something he hadn't expected. He could get over James again, like he did when he was fourteen.

But... being dumped after giving James a croissant? Yeah, that wasn't on his bingo card. What a fucking fool.

"Reg, do you want to grab something before we head to your place?" Evan asked.

Now they were already in Evan's car, and it had left the school's parking lot.

Regulus looked at Evan, "Nah. I'm good. Do you want to?" He asked back. It had been a long time since they had driven home just the two of them, without the rest of their friends. And Regulus was glad that they always shared this kind of quiet moment when it was just them.

Their friendship was rather quiet sometimes, and it was really nice—comfortable—to have someone you could enjoy silence with and do nothing at all.

"I think I don't need anything neither." Evan replied, focusing on the road. He didn't look at Regulus at all, which reminded Regulus how often James used to sneak glances just to look at him.

Regulus sighed, weighed down by the memories of James. How had that boy already corrupted his mind in just a few days of fooling around? And how could Regulus have thought it would be as easy as before to get rid of him? He had totally played with fire when he let James back into his life. What a fucking reckless thing to do. Not like him—but nothing to regret, anyway. He just needed to get over it.

"Reg, is it okay if I ask you something?" Evan asked, still not making any eye contact with him.

Regulus, who was still occasionally glancing at Evan—despite his mind spiraling elsewhere, somewhere forbidden—managed to answered, "What is it?"

"Are you okay?"

Regulus focused fully on Evan. His face was unreadable—not just his face, but his mind too. Because even Regulus wasn't sure how to answer that.

Was he okay? Well... he didn't know. But he should be, right?

"I'm..." Regulus paused mid-thought. Lying about his feelings was supposed to be his speciality, but somehow, he didn't want to lie this time. But, in the end he just nodded slightly at Evan, who still wasn't looking at him, and said, "Yeah, I'm okay."

There wasn't much more to say. He didn't even know how to describe what he was feeling.

"You can talk to me. You know that, right?" Evan asked again. One hundred percent, he knew Regulus wasn't fine at all. Evan always had this sharp sense for Regulus's emotions. Sometimes it terrified him, but sometimes—it felt like someone actually cared about his feelings. And he was grateful that someone was Evan.

"I know, but I don't have much to say about it." He replied. He hoped that was enough for the other boy. At least he tried—he'd done his best to show Evan that he wasn't really fine.

"Was this because of James?" Evan asked, and now he tried his best to sneak a glance at the other boy who seemed stunned by his question.

"What?" Regulus's eyes widened in shock. How did Evan know?

Evan sighed a moment before turned his eyes back to the road, "I know about James."

"How?" Regulus gasped. This wasn't what he wanted to happen. No one was supposed to know about James. Not even Evan.

"I've been paying attention since our first year." Evan said again, trying his best not to freak out Regulus—who was clearly freaking out right now, "At first, I thought it was just my assumption, so I didn't think much about it at that time. But then, a few days ago, I saw you two share some weird togetherness when no one was watching," Evan glanced at Regulus, who still hadn't said a word, "I just knew it when I saw how you looked at him. Because that look was the same as mine."

Regulus's expression softened—not shocked anymore. Now, he realized that no matter how well he acted, some things were simply out of his control. Like the instincts of his best friend.

"Well..." Regulus hesitated, unsure what to say to Evan.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." Evan cut in, as his turning his gaze back to the road.

"Thanks." Regulus said quietly. He didn't look at Evan now. He turned his eyes to the passing streets.

"I liked Barty."

Regulus snapped his head toward Evan instantly after hearing the other boy calmly murmur his secret. Wtf?

"You know we've always done this since we first met, right?" Evan asked Regulus.

Regulus knew what Evan was talking about. They always shared something equally. Like when Evan told Regulus he had a sister, and Regulus told him he had a brother. They'd done that ever since. Whenever Evan shared something, Regulus would too, and vice versa. It wasn't usually anything serious—they once had a whole conversation about how annoying their siblings were.

This was Evan doing that again. Regulus had made him know about James, so Evan told him about Barty. Just like always.

"I've suspected." Regulus chuckled a little.

"I wasn't trying to hide it anyway." Evan said with a chuckle too.

Then they both laughed—not loudly, but genuinely.

"We're so pathetic." Regulus said after a moment.

Evan shook his head, "No. Why would we be?"

"We liked someone like them." Regulus explained. Why wouldn't they be?

"But to feel love—that's never pathetic, Reg." Evan replied, disagreeing, "Even if it doesn't end well... at least we ever felt it."

Regulus was silent for a moment. To feel love? He had never thought about it that way. He had always seen this part of himself as a flaw. Some kind of sin. Some kind of disability. He'd never thought of it as something beautiful—or something that he should be grateful for.

But for the first time—after hearing what Evan just said—somehow Regulus did feel grateful. That he ever felt love at all.

"You're right." Regulus said softly. God. How grateful he was to have Evan in his life. How Evan viewed the world always amazed him in the best way.

"At least you liked someone who wasn't a bastard like Barty." Evan added, maybe trying to lighten the mood with some jokes about his shit situation.

Regulus laughed a little, "You know what? James was no less of a bastard than Barty. They both are." Regulus told Evan his shit situation too.

"How so? He looked like he was so into you?" Evan raised his brows in confusion.

"What did you just say, Ev? He didn't like me." Regulus frowned. That was the second time today someone told him that bullshit.

"But..." Evan glanced over, confused, like he wanted to say more but he was holding himself.

"What? Do you know something?" Regulus asked. What did Evan know that he didn't?

"Never mind, Reg. Maybe I just misjudged something." Evan said in the end, cutting eye contact.

Regulus wanted so badly to force Evan to tell him—but that wasn't his style. Besides, maybe Evan was right. Maybe it wasn't anything important. Remember, James would never like him the way he liked James. End of story.

"James is straight." Regulus said, finally, trying to convince himself to not imagining more than he already had about James. In fact, he needed to stop imagining things about James.

"How do you know?" Evan asked.

"Well, I would know if he weren't, right?" Regulus shot back.

Yep. That was he always told himself. If James wasn't straight, he would've known. But because he didn't know, then, James had to be straight, as he should be.

"But you can't make that assumption without asking him, right?" Evan said—something that almost made Regulus want to throw up.

Asking who? Asking James? He rather kill himself.

"You know that's not gonna happen, right, Ev?" Regulus asked Evan, hoping the other boy was just joking about what he just said.

"At least you could try?" Evan said, hesitant. Of course he was. His idea sounded like a suicide mission.

"Then you ask Barty." Regulus said, bold. He wanted Evan to know their situations were equally terrifying.

"I want to."

"Evan, what?"

Who was this guy? How could Evan say something that shocked Regulus multiple times in just one drive home? This not like Evan that he knew. Was he poisoned or something? That made damaged in his brain with some craziness's virus.

"I want to, Reg." Evan repeated his words, like those words weren't batshit insane.

"You know that means..."

"I know." Evan said with a small nod. He didn't look hesitant at all.

"You could lose him too." Regulus said, reminded him one of the most fact about what could've happened if Evan chose this. That was their reality.

"But... what do you think? Is it better to speak, or die?"

Regulus went silent again.

Of course, better to die, right? No way it's better to speak.

"Just think about it first, Ev. You know I care so much about you, right?" Regulus didn't answer Evan's question directly. But he did, in a way. And he knew that Evan had to know that.

Evan sighed before said, "I know. Thanks, Reg."

"You have to tell me how you love someone as insane as Barty." Regulus said, trying to lighten the mood again. He didn't want Evan to think too much about all the heavy stuff they went through right now.

"Well, should we share stories then? Like, you tell me how you fell for James?" Evan shot back and making Regulus roll his eyes.

Of course he didn't want to talk about James. It was embarrassing for him. Besides, he couldn't talk about James right now. It still hurt.

"Maybe. But not know." Regulus said, then added, "I just got dumped."

"Whoa. Black." Evan laughed after hearing Regulus.

Regulus smiled a little. Evan probably wasn't overthinking anymore. He was glad he could make his best friend laugh at their heavy situation and feelings.

"Apparently you know how to joke." Evan said after his laughed calmed.

"I actually don't." Regulus replied.

The rest of the drive was filled with laugher—teasing each other about their crushes, about how annoying Barty and James were, and other stupid things.

The one thing they didn't joke about was how deep their feelings were and how much they both wanted so badly to loved back.

Because that part was so sacred to talk about.

And because they couldn't joke about something as holy as that.

Regulus just entered his house, and Evan's car had already driven off from the driveway a few minutes ago. He was in a better mood now. Not thinking about James as much as before, even though he still thought about him.

Evan had promised him that he would keep Regulus company through his breakdown moment—and that he would be the friends who stayed for Regulus's move on journey. This was something Regulus never thought he needed, but he was grateful for it to be happening like this.

Maybe it wasn't that scary—to share your vulnerable moment with someone you trusted.

"Mom?" Regulus said as he saw his mother busy packing something in the kitchen.

Walburga looked at Regulus, "Oh, honey, you're home."

Regulus walked closer to his mother, "What happening?"

"Nothing, I'm just pack this to give to Effie." Walburga said as she finished sealing up a container.

"Effie?" James?

"Yes. Would you join me?" Walburga asked as she packed the boxes of food into some tote bag.

"Join you where?" Regulus narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"To the Potters." Walburga answered, looking at her son with excitement.

Regulus went quiet. What?

To the Potters? James's house? He hadn't been there in... approximately two years, maybe more. And going there now, after getting dumped by James? Didn't that seem like the most pathetic move possible?

"Oh, honey. This shouldn't be a question—I need you to come with me." Walburga said when she didn't get an answer from her son. Then she pulled Regulus's hand and guided him toward the garage, to her car.

"Mom, I don't think you should bring me." Regulus said quietly when they got to the car.

"Reggie, I need your company. Besides, you and James were friends, weren't you?" Walburga said, already unlocking the car as if the matter was settled.

"But..." Regulus hesitated. Because, at some point, he wanted to go there.

"Okay, honey, help me hold this." Walburga said as she handed Regulus the tote bag, then slid into the car. She didn't give him a chance to say no.

Regulus sighed. He didn't even have time to change his clothes. What if he was stinky? That was not what he wished to happen when visiting James's house. So, he knocked on his mother's car window so she could roll it down.

"Can I at least change first, Mom?" He asked when she glanced at him in confusion.

"Oh, honey, d'accord, change-toi d'abord, Maman va attendre ici." Walburga said, giving him permission to change his clothes first.

So, Regulus went back inside and left the tote bag on top of his mother's car. He changed into a black t-shirt and some black flanel pants. This was the best he could manage—not too formal, not too comfy. Because he didn't know what kind of outfit was best for visiting James's house—meeting his parents again!

But it wasn't like Regulus hadn't seen Effie and Monty these past two years. He just hadn't seen them in their house again. Besides, their families hadn't gone on another holiday trip in over a year. Not since he was fourteen. In fact, he had personally asked his mother not to include him in any holiday plans with the Potter. She had been kind enough not to ask why—but somehow, the shared holidays stopped altogether.

Did she do that so he wouldn't feel left behind? Regulus never knew. But he was grateful no one brought it up. Besides, Sirius spent most of his holidays at the Potters anyway. No one really cared.

Regulus grabbed the tote bag again and got in the car, locking the door behind him.

Walburga looked at him and smiled, "Black suits you very well, Reggie." She said, turning her gaze to the road and pulling onto the car.

"Yeah." Regulus wasn't sure how to respond. He held the tote bag in his lap and thought for a moment—why were they even going to the Potters?

"Why do you want to go there, Mom?" Regulus asked quietly, glancing at her.

"Well, Effie just called and said she needed my help." Walburga explained, eyes fixed on the road. She added, "She asked if I'd made croissants and whether we still had some. Maybe she just missed me— you know... women friendship." Walburga said the last line while glancing at Regulus with a warm smile.

Croissant?

James?

It couldn't be, right?

There was no way James told his mother about the croissant.

Regulus swallowed nervously before slightly nodding, "Hope Sirius isn't mad about this." He murmured quietly, loud enough for Walburga to hear.

"Oh, he's not home either. His own fault though." She said calmly, her voice cheerful as ever.

"But why did you lie to him earlier this morning?" Regulus asked. Maybe he'd get an answer now that they were alone, "You knew James was picking me up. And about the snacks?"

Walburga glanced at her son, her face softening. She gently caressed his and said, "That's something you'd do if you were the mother of two boys born only a year apart." Then she returned her eyes to the road. Her hand had already left his hair.

Regulus looked at her, saw the gentleness in her touch. Even though her answer didn't explained much, it was enough to know she cared about him and Sirius' relationship. Maybe, in her own way, she knew everything. Even the issues involving James Potter.

Maybe she'd been watching them all this time. Without them knowing.

"Thanks, Mom." Was all Regulus could think to say to his mother in the end.

"You don't have to, baby." Walburga said with a small laugh, "It's my job. As your mother. As a mother to both of you." She added.

"Thanks for doing your job... nicely." Regulus said as he glanced at her, hesitant. Believe him, he wasn't trying to joke.

Walburga burst into laughter, "You're so funny, Reggie. Didn't know you could joke like that." Walburga said after her laughter calmed.

"I wasn't joking... Mom." Regulus kept a plain expression. Because he wasn't. Why did people always think he was joking? It was just a thought that slipped out—and somehow, it always made people laugh.

"Oh. It wasn't?" Walburga raised her brows in confusion. Maybe she needed to learn about her son again. Learn what Regulus looked like when he was joking.

"No. But I'm glad if that amuses you." Regulus said. He was genuinely glad that even though he wasn't as charming as his brother, people still found some kind of joy around him. Laugher was supposed to bring joy, right?

"Yeah, honey." Walburga replied.

They arrived at the Potters. Regulus felt the nerves creeping up his spine. What if he just stayed in the car? He could pretend to be sick.

"Come one, honey." Walburga said as she opened his door.

"Is it okay if I stay here?" Regulus asked quietly to his mother.

Walburga looked at him, confused, "Is this a joke, Regulus?" she asked.

"No?"

"Okay, you better step out of the car now, honey." She shook her head, "Bring the food. Don't forget to lock the car." She handed him the key and headed toward the house, beige and cream—clearly repainted. Two or three years ago it was still brown or similar.

Regulus breathed heavily, stepped out, and locked the car. He reminded himself to inhale and exhale. He was kind of worried he'd forget how to breathe.

"It's not that bad." He said softly to himself as he walked to the door.

The door wasn't as big as he remembered. But somehow it felt bigger. Maybe it could swallow him whole into another universe. What was waiting for him inside?

He opened the door with too much effort, trying his fucking best not to shake too much.

"Hallo, Effie." He said, walking toward Effie and Walburga, who were sitting at the barstools.

"Oh my God, is this our Reggie?" Effie beamed, stepping forward to hug him tight. Regulus was taller than her now, but Effie's hugs were still as warm as ever.

"I told you, they grow up so fast." Walburga muttered with a smile, "Remember how short our kids were, Ef?" Walburga added.

"Of course they grew. We fed them well, Wally." Effie replied, now inspecting Regulus's face like he was a painting. He was so fucking nervous right now. Remember when he thought he'd lost the ability to feel nerves during painting club? That only applied when the Potters weren't involved.

"Are you doing well?" Regulus asked nervously, not sure how to start a conversation—especially one he didn't want to have.

"I am doing well, especially with your mother here." Effie answered and smiled, "Come here, Reggie, you must not have had lunch yet, right?" She gently pulled his hand toward dining table.

Yes. He hadn't eaten. But, truthfully, he'd lost his appetite the moment Evan talked about James in the car. In fact, he kind of wanted to throw up right now from nerves.

"Let me serve you." Effie said as she sat him down at one of the wooden chairs. Regulus knew the Potters—well, mostly Effie—had an obsession with wood furniture. They hadn't changed since childhood.

"I can do it myself, Effie. Thank you." Regulus said, politely refusing. He stood and served himself what he thought he could finish. He didn't want to waste food—especially not in James's house.

"You're so sweet, Reggie. Just like you always were." Effie muttered softly to him, "You're right, Wally. I see the difference between them." That was for Walburga.

Walburga, who was busy sipping her tea, answered, "Yeah. I told you."

Regulus wanted to ask what they were talking about, but he didn't have the courage or the energy. Maybe he'd ask his mother later. For now, he just wanted to eat lunch. And maybe disappear before James knew he was here. James was the last person he wanted to see right now.

 "I should tell James." Effie said.

Regulus choked on his food.

"Uhm. You don't have to, Effie." He said nervously, his eyes wide. Oh. How awkward he was right now. How could he call Effie by her name? James used to call his mother 'aunty', didn't he? Okay. Regulus was probably going to kill himself after this.

Effie looked at Regulus with unreadable expression, "James must be happy to see you, Reggie. He told me about the croissant."

Regulus gasped in disbelief. That fucking Potter.

"What croissant?" Walburga asked, confused from her chair.

"Oh. You didn't know?" Effie turned her gaze to Walburga now, "Reggie brought James food today. That was the reason I asked you to bring me one." she explained.

Regulus really wished something—anything—would happen right now. Maybe an earthquake would save him. Or the ground would just swallow him whole. Anything, anything, but this.

"Oh... I knew it." Walburga murmured. She didn't look shocked at all. Looked like she just asked just for fun, not for gather information she didn't already know.

Regulus looked at his mother with a terrified-awkward face. Walburga chuckled a little at the sight.

"You have to stop teasing your son like that, Wally." Effie said with a shake of her head.

Yes. See... this is one of the weirdest things about their families.

James loved joking and teasing everyone, while his parents were calm. Regulus didn't know where James got that part of his personality. It couldn't be from Orion and Walburga—who loved teasing their sons so bad—right?

"It wasn't a tease, Ef. It's just a mother's nature toward her son." Walburga explained, sipping her tea.

"Your mother never changes." Effie said to Regulus.

Regulus nodded a little in agreement, "Yeah she is."

"MOM!"

DEG

James FUCKING Potter came down the stairs wearing a maroon sleeveless-shirt and dark-grey shorts.

Why the fucking hell did Regulus never get the one thing he wished for in life?

James was looking straight into his eyes. So was he.

They both clearly looked shocked to see each other.

"Hi, James." Walburga said, waving slightly to James, who was still completely focused on her son.

"Regulus..." James whispered.

Regulus couldn't hear him, but he could read his lips from afar.

"I just wanted to tell you that Regulus was here." Effie said to her son, who still looked stunned.

"Why do our sons look like they've seen ghosts?" Walburga asked casually.

Hearing his mother's voice snapped Regulus back to reality. He tore his gaze away from James, cutting off the unnecessary eye contact between them. His heart was pounding so hard he was sure it might explode.

Regulus tried so hard to swallow. His whole body had turned cold. Maybe he'd throw up.

"Hi, Aunty." James finally said to Walburga. Maybe he'd just come back to his senses too.

Regulus tried so fucking hard to keep eating. He prayed James wouldn't sit with him. They didn't have to do anything reckless in front of their mothers. Especially not after what had just happened at the library. They must be kind of awkward right now. And even though Regulus knew James could be stupid, he really hoped James wasn't that stupid about this.

"Hello, James. Does my son look like a ghost?" Walburga asked to James, her voice plain. She didn't sound like she was joking, but Regulus knew her.

"N—No, of course not." James replied nervously. Regulus could tell how much effort James was putting in just to talk to his mother.

"James, sit with Regulus." Effie said, and Regulus shot her a look, trying to silently beg her not to.

But there was no use. Either Effie didn't understand—or maybe she didn't care.

"Okay." James said quietly.

"Effie, don't forget to warm the croissant if you want to eat it." Walburga said as she stepped away from the barstool, organizing the container they brought into the freezer.

Yeah. Their families were so close now that Regulus couldn't even see the boundaries anymore. It was like the Potters were also the Blacks.

"Thanks, Wally." Effie said as she stepped closer to Walburga.

Regulus hadn't moved. Still pretending the food held his entire attention. James hadn't sat down yet. Maybe he was trying to escape too.

"Okay. We'll leave you two here." Walburga said.

Regulus froze.

"Mom." He looked at her,  his tone barely protesting. But Walburga would understand.

"Reggie. Effie and I have business. We'll be back soon." She said, and it sounded more like a command than reassurance.

"Yeah, James. Take care of Reggie like you used to." Effie added, as if assigning her son a chore he didn't ask for. Regulus didn't need babysitting.

"Yes, Ma'am." James said.

And Regulus? He couldn't decide which part of this was the worst. Everything felt horrible.

"Bye, kids." Walburga waved gently before heading off with Effie.

Regulus didn't even glance at James. He sighed and went back to his food. Damn.

Why did he always end up in these kinds of situations? He wasn't Sirius, who loved to challenge himself with reckless decisions. He was just... himself. A careful person. Safe. The only real risk he'd ever taken was loving James Potter.

Fuck my life.

"Hey, Reg." The other boy seemed to have stepped closer to him, and Regulus's head was full of sore.

"Don't mind me, Potter." He said, unbothered. His face was cold—well, his whole body actually felt cold.

"Back to 'Potter' again, aren't we?" James was now sitting in front of him, but Regulus would rather kill himself than look at that boy or bait any of his nonsense. Regulus was too tired of this unbelievable life he had.

So, what Regulus did was not answer James and stayed busy with his own stuff—with this damn food that seemed like it would never be finished. How much did he serve himself?

"Reg..." James said again, maybe because Regulus didn't answer him.

"Just ignore me, Potter. That's not a hard thing to do." Regulus said sharply, and he still hadn't fucking looked at the other boy.

"I can't." James replied, and Regulus didn't know what his expression looked like, but his voice sounded damn sincere. But isn't James good at making himself look sincere when it's something he wants? That's what James did to him earlier—made him believe things he shouldn't.

"It's not fucking hard. You already did it today, didn't you?" Regulus said—and maybe that was kind of harsh, but honestly, Regulus didn't have to hold himself back anymore.

They couldn't lose something they didn't have.

Regulus couldn't lose James since he never had him in the first place.

The worst thing that could happen after this was they'd act like they didn't know each other—which wasn't the worst at all, since Regulus had done that before.

"Reg..." James's voice sounded like he was surprised by what Regulus just said.

Even Regulus was surprised by his own words too, but it didn't show.

"Listen, cut all the nonsense you have toward me." Regulus said. He wanted to end this so bad. "We don't have to be friends. You already have my brother. Just be satisfied with that. I don't need you in my life." Regulus sighed heavily. This wasn't an easy thing to say, but he needed to say it, "My life was better when we're not around each other."

Silence.

Was that too much?

How could Regulus say that?

They haven't gone on another shopping-date. What about their best-friend-date? What about the invitation? To look at the stars together or to visit their room?

This is the best. At least the best for me. I couldn't bear it if James ignored me again in the future. So, I was the one who needed to step away. This has to end right now.

At least before he thought he had something with James. Because if that happened, it would be too late for him to step back.

He just couldn't be hurt if he hadn't had anything at all. If he had, he would be hurt so bad. Not even Evan's company could help him. So even though this hurts too, it's easier than what could've happened in the future.

"Reg." James said again, but this time his voice was firmer. Like he was commanding Regulus to look at him, to listen.

"Potter."

"Listen. I know you're probably mad because I left. And because I didn't text you at all." James said it firmly—firmer than Regulus had ever heard from him. James always talked softly, or with jokes, or teasing smiles.

Regulus was usually the one who talked sharply, firmly. Not James. So this... this shook him a little. It felt like James was angry at him. Kind of scary, honestly. No one had spoken to him like this since high school.

But thankfully, Regulus was good at hiding emotions. Even though he wanted to cry, he could hold it in behind that cold, practiced mask.

"But if you wanted it that bad, you could've texted me too, and I would've replied. You could've asked me to drive you home, and I'd do it." James said again, and it shocked Regulus, "I'd do anything you ask for. You just have to tell me what you want." James added.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL NONSENSE WAS JAMES TALKING ABOUT?

Regulus wanted to scream at him. James was getting under his skin, deeply.

"I don't fucking want anything from you." Regulus snapped, the harshest he could manage without yelling.

"Then we shouldn't have a problem. But it looks like we do—so it means you want something from me. And you wish I knew what it was. But I don't. You know why? Because you left me with no fucking clue. Again. Just like you always do." James's tone was sharp now.

WHAT A SHIT THING FOR THIS BASTARD TO DARE TO SAY?!

Remember when Regulus considered punching James in the face? This might just be the right moment.

Regulus stood from his chair, unable to take another second of this, "Fuck you, Potter." He spat before heading toward the door. He was going home. Anywhere was better than here.

"See? This is what you always do. Run away. Like always." James called out from behind him.

Regulus paused. He knew James was bigger than him—but he wasn't weak. He'd learned to defend himself. Maybe now was the time to use it.

Still not making eye contact, Regulus turned and looked straight at James with fury in his eyes. How dare James speak like he could give Regulus what he wanted? As if he had anything Regulus could possibly need? As if he had the right to demand anything?

What a bastard.

James was staring back—furious too. Both of them looked furious right now. Looked like ready to explode.

"Don't you fucking judge me, Potter. You don't even know me. All you know is that I'm your best friend's little brother." Regulus hissed, mocking him on the last line.

"I know more than that, Regulus." James replied, stepping closer to Regulus. Still angry. Maybe even angrier than before.

"Bullshit."

"You like it, don't you? Running away. Leaving me without a single clue." Their distance was nearly gone. The air between them thick with heat and tension and rage. Regulus didn't know why.

"What I like or I don't like is none of your business." Regulus said, quieter now—but still cold. No less cruel.

"Keep saying that to yourself." James muttered.

Who even was this guy? Why was he acting like this? So different from the James Regulus knew.

"You better not to come back into my life again, Potter." Regulus warned. Maybe he would punch James this time.

"Or what?" James asked, and now they were just inches apart.

Regulus looked him straight in the eyes. James didn't look away. Their closeness was unreal. Regulus's folded arms brushed against James's chest slightly. Maybe James wanted to be punched. Maybe that's why he got this close.

Regulus considered it. If he punched him, the glasses might shatter. Might even make him blind. So maybe he'd toss the glasses aside first. Then punch him.

"Or..." Regulus blinked at James's intense stare. Yeah. Or what? "Or I will fucking punch you." He finished.

"Punch me then, if that's what you want so bad." James said, his voice lower, heavier—maybe because of how tense the air was, "Because like I said, I wasn't planning on letting you go. Not that easy."

Regulus stared at James, disbelieving.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS PIECE OF SHIT TALKING ABOUT?

"Your nonsense is way out of line, Potter." Regulus hissed. If he could, he would've spit on him. James always shocked him with this kind of bullshit. And Regulus? He wasn't going to fall for it again.

"You say that's nonsense, Regulus?" James replied, voice taunting, smirking. And Regulus... Regulus was kind of scared of this version of James. But also—fuck—maybe kind of... turned on?

Okay. Maybe James really had fucked up his entire mind.

"What else would it be?!" Regulus shouted, not loud—but loud enough.

"Huh..." James sighed roughly, turning his head for a second before locking eyes with Regulus again. Then he titled his head down, closer—much closer.

Regulus's eyes widened, but he didn't move. He didn't know what the actual hell was happening. He just stared back, wide-eyed, unmoving, locked onto James's face.

"Nonsense would be if I said, 'I'm going to kiss you.'" James said it low—almost whispered.

Regulus's face went red, burning hot. His whole body froze, eyes still locked on James in disbelief. Maybe even more shocked than before.

The air got tighter. Regulus couldn't breathe properly. He only remembered to breathe because James's breath hit his skin—soft, real, intimate.

The tension was unbearable.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?

Chapter Text

Regulus didn't know what was going on right now. James's face was really close to him—this was the closest they had ever been. It almost looked like James was about to kiss him, which was nonsense. It couldn't be possible.

Regulus's whole body was frozen. He couldn't move at all.

"Reg?" James whispered in a lower voice, his lips almost brushing Regulus's. His eyes narrowed at Regulus's, almost as if he were asking for permission.

Permission for what? For kissing him?

Regulus looked James in the eye, hoping he could find an answer to what the fuck was going on right now. But he didn't find any. The only thing he found was that they were standing there, with barely any space between them, their lips nearly touching. Which explained nothing about what was happening.

"Potter..." Regulus replied with a heavy breath. Now he realized the reason for the thick air surrounding them. He realized it now—the tension they created with each other was tightening the air. But he had never considered that their tension was that kind of tension before. Not until now.

"I'm about to kiss you. You can stop me, if you don't want this." James said, his eyes still locked on Regulus's. His gaze almost looked like it was undressing Regulus.

Okay.

Okay.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

"Don't fucking play with me, Potter." Regulus replied sharply. He was trying so hard to sound sharp, because the truth was—he was confused about what was happening. And the truth truth? He was kind of hoping this wasn't a joke.

"I'm not." James replied, and then his gaze drifted to Regulus's lips with a desirous look. "If you let me."

Regulus didn't want to know what his face looked like right now. Was his face red? Or pink? Or even pale, maybe, because of the shock of what was happening?

His appearance was the last thing he was worried about.

James FUCKING Potter was asking him for a kiss.

A KISS?

A KISS WITH A BOY?

JAMES WAS INTO A BOY?

WHAT THE FUCK!

"I..." Regulus paused mid-air, his eyes locking with James's, who was now looking back at his eyes—not his lips anymore.

CLICK

Regulus heard the door click—someone was entering the house. And because they were standing so close to the door, the sound came through clearly.

He was so fucking shocked that he shoved James hard enough to make the other boy stumble backward onto the floor.

"Ouch." James moaned in pain.

Regulus moved to help James, but he stopped—because why would he help that boy? Then he looked behind, to check who was coming.

"Oh. Boys. What happened?" It was Monty.

"Hi.. Hi, Monty." FUCK! Now he was calling Monty by his name too?

"Hi, Reggie. Oh. I thought you were Sirius for a second." Monty said as he stepped closer to Regulus and James.

"Hi... Dad." James said to his father, still crouching on the floor.

"Why you on the floor, James?" Monty asked as he finally stood beside Regulus.

Regulus looked at James with his cold, sharp eyes. His eyes seemed to be warning him not to say something stupid.

"Nothing." James said, understanding what Regulus wanted him to say, "Just... chilling?" he added, hesitant.

Regulus sighed. It wasn't convincing, but at least it was better than if he had told his father what the fuck had really been happening.

"Chilling? Weird." Monty said, but he didn't seem bothered by his son's weirdness. Then he looked at Regulus, "It's been a long time since you were here, Reg." He said.

Regulus looked at Monty and smiled awkwardly, "Y...yeah. It's been a long time." He replied nervously. Monty was aging like fine wine. He had been handsome then and was still handsome now. Maybe James would age like his father too.

"Had lunch yet, both of you?" Monty asked as he walked to the kitchen. He brought in a paper bag—probably just got back from shopping.

"Can I get a help?" James asked quietly to Regulus, now that they were alone. He offered his hand to Regulus, asking him to pull him up.

"Prick." Regulus replied, but then he gave his hand and pulled James up.

Thank God they didn't stumble this time.

"Thanks." James whispered to Regulus, and Regulus swore James did that on purpose to tease him. Because why the fuck did his breath brush Regulus's ear in the most inappropriate way he had ever known?

"Fuck you." Regulus replied, looking sharply at James.

James folded his arms and smirked, "Yeah. It would be my pleasure."

THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

Regulus was about to snap before Monty's voice stopped him.

"Had lunch, boys?" Monty repeated his question.

"Yes, Dad." James answered, his eyes still locked on Regulus, "Almost twice if you hadn't shown up." He added with mocking.

Regulus knew what the fuck he meant by saying that. He wasn't stupid.

"I swear to God, James..." Regulus paused as he made a fist, preparing to punch James.

"I swear to God too, Regulus." James cut him off with a titled head and that fucking teasing smile.

"What does it mean, James?" Monty asked from the kitchen, confused by his son's answer.

"Nothing important." James yelled at Monty, still staring at Regulus. Looked like he was planning to stare at Regulus forever now. Neither of them broke the eye contact. "So... when will you fuck me again?"

SMACK

Regulus punched James in the face. Not too hard. But still. Just enough to shut the other boy up.

"Ouch, Reg? Seriously?" James winced, touching the spot Regulus had punched. It didn't hurt much, but he was still shocked.

"Next time will be harder than this." Regulus said, warning him.

But James was crazy. Because that boy just smiled—or smirked, Regulus couldn't tell. He'd put on his teasing mask again. "I can bear with that as long as it's you, hard or soft."

Regulus would kill James. Yeah. He would.

If Monty wasn't home. He definitely would.

He hoped what he just thought was what he would actually do. Because the fact that he doubted himself and started thinking about what else he would've done if only the two of them were alone in this house... terrified him.

Regulus titled his head closer to James's ear and whispered, "I'll fucking punch you harder next time."

"As long as you say 'fucking', I'll let you do it." James whispered too.

They were probably already fucking each other's brains by now. Because there was no way this was a conversation between friends.

And Regulus didn't bother to think about James's sexuality anymore. It was the last thing he was concerned about right now. Maybe he didn't even need to be concerned anymore. Like he told Evan earlier, he'd know if James wasn't straight. And now, he knew.

"In your dream." Regulus said with a mocking face. The game was on.

James sighed, mocking too, "Yeah. You've done that a couple times—I'm starting to need a real one."

Regulus gasped. His eyes widened in shock.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

"Why look surprised, Baby Black? Did I fuck you in your dream too?" James whispered to Regulus, voice playful.

Regulus's whole body was spiraling right now. He wanted to throw up.

"I definitely will punch you harder next time." He said, trying so fucking hard not to collapse.

"Boys?" Monty peeked at them from the kitchen.

Breaking the tension between them—now they both looked at Monty too, trying to hide their little chatting and the entire situation.

"Yes?" They both answered nervously.

"Want to help me?" Monty asked, looking like he was completely unbothered by both of them.

"Okay." They both answered together again before heading to the kitchen and helping Monty with whatever he needed.

Regulus tried his best to breathe properly. He felt heat all over his body. He didn't need any explanation about what was happening to him now. He tried so hard to calm the fuck down—including his lower self.

And Regulus somehow knew—the other boy was trying his fucking best to do the same thing.

They were both fucked up and messed up right now.

"So, Regulus..." Monty said mid-pause. Regulus looked at him, "Are you still into painting?" He asked.

Now the three of them were sitting on a bench in the backyard, with tea and snacks. It was Monty's idea.

"Yeah." Regulus nodded. He felt so nervous. He never thought he'd be in this house again, having small talk with James's parents again. Not after everything that had happened.

"Well, that's good. You can use my painting room." Monty said with a big smile.

Regulus almost chocked on air if not for trying so fucking hard to calm the fuck down. He smiled—awkwardly, "Um... Y-yeah." He said finally, because he didn't know what else to say. Should he refuse it? No—how could he say no? All he had to do was say yes and never come.

"Good. I love it. You know James and Sirius weren't as good as you at this—and I've missed your company so bad." Monty said with joy and sparkling eyes, "Remember when we always painted together, when you were younger?"

Regulus nodded again, "Hm-mm." He hummed.

"We should do that again." Monty said. Another invitation from the Potters.

"Okay." Regulus knew his answer was a mistake. But he had nothing else to say except agreeing. He missed Monty too.

"You two look like you suit each other." James said, leaning his head on one of his hand. He'd been watching their conversation without interrupting—looking very proud in a very strange way.

"Of course we do." Monty replied with a warm smile. James must've inherited his warm smile from his father. "Regulus was my favorite between all of you three."

"Dad, how could you say that?" James gasped in disbelief.

Which was funny for Regulus to witness—and he tried his best not to chuckle.

"I'm just trying to be honest." Monty replied with a shrug, teasing James a little.

"Sirius would be angry if he knew this." James said, shaking his head dramatically.

Sirius...

Regulus felt something in his chest. Had he stolen them from Sirius again? Oh. No. What should he do?

"Nah, he wouldn't. He loved Reggie so much he wouldn't be angry about this. Probably he'd be happy about it." Monty said, disagreeing with James. Looked like he knew Sirius better than any of them—though Regulus wasn't so sure about that.

"Of course he loved Reggie." James said, then looked at Regulus's face—Regulus, who was sitting in front of him beside his father—and smiled slightly, "I love Reggie too."

Regulus glanced at James in disbelief, mouth almost falling open.

This fucker wasn't playing with him while his father was here, right?

"We all love Reggie." Monty said warmly, probably with a big smile.

Regulus couldn't look at Monty right now—he was too focused on his son, who was getting under his nerves.

"Yeah." James said, his gaze still locked on Regulus, who was doing the same.

"So, Reg, I'm serious about that invitation." Monty said, and that pulled Regulus's mind back to earth.

Regulus looked at Monty, "What invitation?"

"For coming here and doing some painting together." Monty replied.

Regulus felt sore all over his body, "O... Okay."

"Good. You should pick Regulus up, James." Monty said, turning his gaze to his son.

James answered with such energetic excitement that it made goosebumps rise all over Regulus's body, "Of course. I would love to."

Regulus didn't know how to respond in this situation. He just stayed silent—busy with his own mind. Too much to think.

Where should he even start?

Regulus looked around at Monty's painting room. The owner of the room had invited him to take a look. He knew Monty loved painting—honestly, Monty was the one who taught Regulus in the first place, when he was a kid. But as far as Regulus knew, Monty hadn't painted much once they grew up, mostly because he was busy with work and other stuff.

But what Regulus saw in his painting room was amazing. The space was filled with blank canvases and all kinds of paint. He was amazed by what he saw in there. It looked like heaven to him.

"I rarely use this room, because I haven't had time lately." Monty explained to Regulus as they stood in front of an unfinished painting. It looked like Monty had been trying to paint a garden full of flowers.

"This room is amazing." Regulus said, unable to hide the look of amazement on his face.

"You think? I've changed the setup a few times before deciding this one was the best. The window brings in natural lightning." Monty said, stepping toward the large window that faced the center of the room.

Monty was very good at designing rooms—well, that made sense, since it was his job. He was an interior designer.

"Yes. This is the best I've ever seen," Regulus said, praising Monty's work. Then he added, "But honestly, this is the first time I've ever visited a painting room. But... you know—you nailed it." Regulus hoped his words didn't sound as awkward as they felt.

Monty chuckled a bit, "Thanks for saying that, Reggie." He said, and then headed toward the door, "You should use this room—because I need someone to help me watch over it when I can't." Monty added.

Regulus followed behind him. Monty wanted him to take care of his painting room? What should he say to that? He would love to. Who wouldn't? The room was filled with everything he needed as a painter. Not that he was a pro, but still... he didn't have a space like this at his own house. He'd never even thought about it before. And even if he had, he probably still couldn't make one like this.

"Are you serious or just trying to make conversation?" Regulus asked carefully. He couldn't tell if Monty was seriously offering him this job or just... yapping.

Monty chuckled again, "I'm serious, Reg." He said, smiling at Regulus with amusement.

Regulus looked at Monty, and he could feel the sincerity in his voice—and in his gaze. Then Regulus said, in a small voice, "I would love to."

"Nice then." Monty replied, nodding slightly, clearly having heard him.

Regulus had almost forgotten the real issue behind the offer was that the one offering was James's father. Which meant that if he came to this room... he would also, possibly—surely—would encounter James Potter often.

"Reg, could you call James for me?" Monty asked, requesting that Regulus help call James from his room.

James had separated himself when they decided to visit the painting room earlier—probably because he got a call from one of his friends, Regulus guessed. So, if Monty was asking him to call James, that meant... Regulus had to go to James's room.

That was a fucking terrible thing to happen right now.

"Uhm... You sure?" Regulus asked hesitantly. Honestly, this was one of his weakness. Since he was a kid, he had never really learned how to refuse people. He'd grown up as someone who could barely say no—especially to older people. Sure, maybe he could ignore people he wasn't close to, but the Potters were almost like family. Monty and Effie had taken care of him when he was little—in the same way his own parents had.

He couldn't refuse them.

"Yes, I need his help with something." Monty answered with a slight nod. Then he added, "You still remember where his room is, right?"

Regulus swallowed nervously and nodded, "Yes..."

"Okay." Monty said, and walked out leaving him behind.

Regulus looked toward the staircase—the big one in the center of the floor. The stairs were made of wood and aesthetically matched the rest of the house's interior. He walked slowly toward the staircase, heading up... to James's room.

Damn.

Calm down.

Don't let James know what you're feeling.

This couldn't be that bad, right?

Monty was home.

James wasn't that much of a bastard.

Right?

At least not when his father was home?

Okay.

This couldn't be that bad.

Regulus swallowed hard as he stood in front of an unfamiliar door. Maybe it had been familiar two years ago—but not now.

He took a deep breath before knocking slowly, "Potter." He said, voice low, as he leaned his head closer to the door—trying to catch any sound from inside. Listening to check if James was still on the phone.

"Potter?" Regulus repeated.

CLICK

The door opened, and James Potter leaned his body against the frame, smirking at Regulus, "Didn't think you were this kind of person, Black." He said, mocking.

Regulus glanced at James with an unreadable expression, "What the fuck do you mean?" He said.

James folded his arms, "Well, very direct."

Regulus took a deep breath. He just couldn't understand—how could he possibly love this kind of bastard in the first place?

"Direct in what?" Regulus asked, narrowing his gaze at James.

James love it. He loved when Regulus bit back at whatever he threw—especially the stupidest things. He lived for it.

James titled his head closer to Regulus, whispering in a lower voice, "You know what I mean, don't you?"

Yes. Regulus knew.

But he was no better than James in this. He was enjoying it too, even if he tried so hard not to show it.

Regulus bit his lip softly before leaning in to James's ear and whispering in the same low voice, "Do I?" He was teasing James back.

They both were insane.

James glanced at Regulus, a little shocked—but quickly composed himself, "Do you want to come into my room?" He asked Regulus. No. It wasn't a question, it was practically begging.

Regulus chuckled in a mocking way, making James look at him, confused.

"What's so funny, Black?" he asked.

Now Regulus was the one who closed the distance between them—just inches apart. He was sure James must've had goosebumps from how close they were now. He looked at James's red face, intensely. He felt a dangerous joy from it. Nothing could top what he felt in that moment.

Regulus brought his lips close to James's ear, "You want this so bad, don't you, Potter?" he whispered. His voice probably sounded like a mockery—but deep down, what he really wanted was to hear James say "yes".

"Haah..." James sighed, then smiled. He didn't move. He was absolutely enjoying this. He loved it when their bodies were this close.

"Does it look that clear to you?" James asked, playing along with Regulus.

Regulus just gave a small shrug before whispering, "It looks like that... but I don't know if I see it right or not."

He wanted so badly to hear James beg. He didn't want any more mixed signals. He wanted that boy to beg for whatever he'd been fantasizing about them.

James threw his gaze at Regulus. Their distance was basically zero now. He locked eyes with him in a look Regulus couldn't read. Then he lifted his eyebrows and said, "You can't see how much I've wanted you all this time, Black?"

Regulus couldn't hide his shocked expression. How could James say something like that so easily? It wasn't supposed to be this easy. Nothing about them was supposed to be easy.

"How could you say something like that?" Regulus asked, full of confusion and disbelief.

Was loving James really this simple? Had this always been possible between them? Had it always been this easy?

"Why couldn't I?" James replied, smiling, "How can you not see it, when I've seen yours so clearly?"

Regulus swallowed nervously.

What did James see in him?

His feelings?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Regulus said, trying so hard to sound normal—to not sound nervous.

James chuckled a little, clearly amused by Regulus's flustered expression. Then he said, in a soft voice—the James was Regulus most familiar with—the gentle one, "Are you sure you don't know? Not faking it because you're denying something in your head?"

"I..." Regulus bit his lip. Now he was the one covered in goosebumps. He couldn't even finish his sentence. He didn't know what to say.

James knew him too well.

How the hell did he do that?

"Hey, don't bite that too hard." James reached out and held Regulus's chin, gently stoping him from biting his lip.

Regulus's eyes widened at the touch. His brain just... stopped. He didn't know what to say. He was frozen right now.

JAMES FUCKING POTTER WAS HOLDING HIS CHIN.

"Don't bite these pretty lips, Reg. Let me do that, if you want it so bad." James said, smiling. Not smirking. Smiling. A real, nice smile. Honestly, James was always something nice to look at—but this? This was one of the nicest things Regulus had ever seen.

"Potter..." Regulus whispered, his whole body barely able to stay upright.

James, still holding his chin, looked at him again with that same look—the same one from earlier when they were fighting. That desirous look. Like he wanted to swallow Regulus whole. Like he was undressing him with his eyes, consumed by want.

"You're lucky we're not alone." James said, finally pulling his hand away.

Regulus was stunned by what just happened. His mouth nearly dropped open.

James smiled again before closing his door behind him and walking toward the stairs, "C'mon. My father was looking for me, right?" He asked, sounding completely normal—like they hadn't just had the most insane moment.

Regulus looked at him in disbelief, "You've gotta be kidding me." He muttered.

But then he joined him. Yes—Monty was looking for James. And he'd already taken too long just to call the other boy. It was better they go now—before someone else came looking and saw something that wasn't supposed to be seen.

"We have a lot of time. No need to rush." James said quietly as he leaned his arm across Regulus's shoulder so they could walk down together.

Regulus shook his head in disbelief, "You're a crazy fucker." He said.

"Yes. With you, I can be anything." James replied—shamelessly.

Regulus didn't answer. His cheeks were burning red now. His whole body was on fire. He couldn't think. He was just praying he wouldn't collapse from everything that had just happened.

JAMES FUCKING POTTER WAS SOMEHOW ACTING LIKE HE LIKED HIM.

WAS HE?

What the hell was Regulus supposed to do with this fact?

Should he be happy? Or sad? Or what?

What about their families? What about Sirius?

DAMN!

WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?

But...

This was James.

His James.

His only crush.

SHIT.

Regulus had been back to his house. Later, after they helped Monty rearrange some furniture, Walburga and Effie had also returned from their private business. So after that, Walburga and Regulus went back to their house too.

And Regulus didn't give James any chance to speak with him privately. Because of course, unlike James, he didn't want to draw any attention from their parents. He's just not that insane.

"Thanks for coming with me, honey." Walburga said to Regulus the moment they entered the house.

"Yeah." Regulus said with a a small nod.

"So what did you two do after we left you?" Walburga asked Regulus, who was already preparing to head into his own room.

Regulus swallowed nervously.

Almost kissed?

No. Of course he wouldn't say something insane like that.

"Just chilling." Regulus answered. And before his mother could come up with another question, he added, "Mom, can I go to my room? I'm kind of tired."

Walburga looked at her son with an unreadable expression. Maybe she wanted to ask more. Who knows what she was thinking about? But then she simply nodded, "Okay, honey. Just take a rest."

"Thanks Mom." Regulus nodded and then rushed into his room, because he didn't want to stay with his mother any longer.

After he changed and cleaned himself up, he lay on the bed. He looked up at the sun painting on his ceiling. Then he held his chest tightly—to feel the beat of his heart.

His heart was racing so badly.

He thought about a lot of things.

"I'm about to kiss you. You can stop me, if you don't want this."

Regulus remembered every single word James had said, perfectly—without forgetting a thing.

JAMES WAS TRYING TO KISS HIM!

It's not a dream! It's real!

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?

Maybe he couldn't think straight while he was still there, but now—now that he was in his own room—he was freaking out.

"Fuck me." Regulus muttered, covering his face with both palms.

No... He shouldn't have let that happen.

It shouldn't be happening.

Remember what he had just thought in the library?

He had felt grateful that nothing had happened between him and James. So he wouldn't have to think about what could've or should've happened in the future.

He was supposed to just adore James from afar. Not like this. Not almost kissing each other's lips.

"I screwed up." He whispered to himself in desperation.

BZZ-BZZ

He felt his phone buzz. He knew exactly who it was. He picked up the call without even looking at the screen, then just placed the phone next to his head on the bed—still staring at the ceiling.

"Hello, Love."

"Love now, Potter?" He asked the bastard on the other end of the line.

He could hear James chuckle. It made Regulus's body heat up again—with joy.

"Can I?" James asked after finishing his soft laugh.

"You can't." Regulus replied with amusement.

"What a shame. I think we have something." James said—probably with a grin—teasing him.

"We had." Regulus said. He couldn't hold back his smile, but James wasn't looking anyway, "We're best friends. That could mean something."

James sighed. Regulus probably knew what he was thinking. Maybe happy from the teasing, maybe upset that he didn't get what he wanted. Just two of the possibilities. That's the kind of bastard James was.

"Whoa, best friends? Couldn't be more?" James asked shamelessly.

Regulus realized now: all the insane stuff James told him earlier probably wasn't a joke at all. How could he have been so blind when James was being this clear? Maybe he was just... in denial? No. Who would've thought James was serious? James never looked like someone who was into boys.

Or maybe... maybe James was just into him? Like how he was into James?

He didn't know. Or maybe it was because they weren't that close in high school?

Maybe James was into boy—but Regulus never knew. And his brother wouldn't exactly go telling him something that reckless. Understandable.

Then he thought about what James had just asked him.

Couldn't more?

Couldn't more?

What is the 'more' that could happen between them?

Is there anything more that could happen between them?

"What do you want?" Regulus asked the right person. Yeah, since James was the one who wanted 'more', he should know what that 'more' meant.

"Oh, am I the only one who wants something here?"

THIS BASTARD! He never fails to get on Regulus's nerves.

"You were the one who mentioned it first. So you should explain it." Regulus muttered, not bothering to deal with James's nonsense. Besides, he really didn't know what 'more' meant for them.

"Well, more than friends... it means..." James paused mid-sentence. He sounded hesitant. Regulus waited for whatever stupid thing James was about to say.

James finally added, "Something that lets me call you 'Love'."

Regulus sighed in disbelief. This bastard didn't know how to explain what he wanted either. This idiot was no different from him.

"I can let you call me that as a friend. I don't care anyway." Regulus replied with a little shake of his head.

Sure. If what James wanted was just a relationship where he could use a dumb nickname, friends or best friends would work just fine for Regulus. Either way, James was the one who needed it so badly—not him. As long as this dumb fuck didn't call him that in public or in front of family and friends, Regulus could deal with it.

"Oh, you want me to say something, don't you?" James finally caught on to what Regulus was trying to do.

YES. He wanted to hear something from James. Because, again—he didn't want to sit around wondering what exactly they were trying to be.

He knew it looked like James liked him—but in what way?

Was it just fun? Or serious?

Once he knew what James wanted out of this, he could figure out what he should do next.

"Maybe..." Regulus said hesitantly.

He knew James was smiling over there. He couldn't see it—but he just knew.

"Okay, Black. You know how to get me..."

Did he?

"Listen carefully, because I probably won't repeat this." James said it like he was meant it, but Regulus knew he was teasing.

"Hmm." Regulus hummed in response, tired of James's antics.

"Regulus Acturus Black," James said—and Regulus's eyes widened.

What the hell? Why was he using his full name for this kind of conversation?

"Don't you think that's a bit too much?" Regulus cut in, unable to stand the drama. James was as dramatic as his brother, apparently.

"Sttt. Let me finish." James shushed him. And that made Regulus rolled his eyes in disbelief.

What a prick.

"I like you." James said it short, firm, and somehow soft and serious.

Regulus froze.

James liked him.

James liked him.

James liked him.

"As your little brother?"

Regulus couldn't believe what he just said.

What kind of response is that?

How could he say something like that?

James just confessed and that's what came out of his mouth?

THAT'S THE BEST HE COULD DO?

WHO THE FUCK KISSED AS BROTHERS?!

Regulus, in fact, was stupid. Not as smart as he claimed. And he did that on purpose.

Because now that he knew what James meant, he could finally figure out what to do next. He needed time to figure this out.

Just give him time.

"Are you serious, Reg?" James sounded like someone who definitely didn't believe what he just heard. He sounded confused, as he should.

"Hallo, Potter? Your voice's cutting out. Oh... I think it's the signal. Hallo? Hallo?"

"Reg, I know you're trying to run away again. Don't fucking play—"

"Potter? Potter?"

Regulus ended the call. Then turned off his phone quickly. Cutting off James's access to him completely.

Okay. Now that he knows what's happening between them, he could figure out his next move. But it wouldn't be an easy decision. So he needed time.

Yeah.

He'd probably run away. Just like James said earlier. That's what Regulus always did. And for now—that's the best he could come up with.

He had to think carefully about what came next.

The safest and easiest way was to say 'no' to James.

But... this was James Potter. His only desire all this time. How could this be an easy decision?

Of course it was the safest. Because then he wouldn't have to deal with family drama—or Sirius.

Oh. God.

What about his brother? No. Sirius would be furious if anything happened between the two of them.

But if he said no... He might lose his only chance. He might lose his only dream. How many times had he fantasized about this? And now that it actually happened—he couldn't just say 'yes' like he did in his dreams.

In the dream, he had nothing to lose. But in reality, he could lose everything.

So, please. Give him time. He just needed time.

James should wait for him.

Please, wait.

Chapter Text

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Wait."

CLICK

"Reggie?" Sirius asked confusedly when he saw his brother standing in front of his door at three in the morning.

Regulus knew his brother had just gotten home. Sirius had some serious issues regarding what time he returned—this hour was nowhere near normal for someone to come back to their house.

"Can I talk to you?" Regulus asked, seeking permission. His brother was still looking at him confused.

"S-sure." Sirius let Regulus come inside his room.

Regulus had never entered his brother's room before. Maybe he had when he was younger, like ten or so, but never as an older teen. This was the first time in years he was stepping into Sirius's room again.

Sirius's room was quite different from his own. The room was kind of messy, but in a good way, because even though the wall was covered in all kinds of posters, it looked like his brother had arranged them neatly, one by one. Regulus could also see his brother's guitars and his leather jacket thrown casually on the floor.

"What happened?" Sirius asked as he sat on the side of his bed, while Regulus took a seat on a chair facing him.

"Uhm..." Regulus hummed a little, kind of confused about where to start.

He hadn't slept at all after the call with James. He had been thinking too much about everything, yet hadn't figured out any real solution to his problems. The only thing he had figured was that he needed to find a way to give himself time. But how?

Then he came up with some crazy idea—asking for help from his brother, who also happened to be James's best friend.

Sirius could give him the time he needed, while he tried to figure out his next move.

And here he was, in his older brother's room.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sirius asked, concerned about his little brother. Of course he was.

Regulus had never asked for help—not from Sirius, not as they got older. Sirius knew his brother always figured things out by himself, so this moment naturally made him worried. What was the big problem that happened to Regulus, that he would come to him for help?

"So..." Regulus looked at his brother with an unreadable expression, "I was going to James's house today because Maman asked me to." He started, finally sharing the reason he was here.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, confused, "Okay?"

"And then..." Regulus looked at his brother seriously. He had prepared what to say to him, but he was scared Sirius wouldn't believe a word of it, "I'm kind of having a fight with James...?" He added with a questioning tone, hesitant about his own story—which made sense, since he was lying.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, still confused, "Okay... so?" He asked. He seemed to believe what Regulus said; he just didn't see how it involved him.

"I need help." Regulus said, nervous as hell. God. He hoped Sirius wanted to help him and didn't think this was stupid.

"What kind of help? You want to make up with him?" Sirius asked, looking very sincere when asking.

Regulus was kind of shocked by what Sirius had just said. His brother wanted to help him make up with James? Didn't he hate that they were friends?

But he gathered his thoughts quickly. Thinking to tell Sirius what he needed from him was exactly the opposite of what had just been offered.

"Actually, I need you to make him stay away from me..." a moment. Regulus added the last part to himself.

Sirius looked even more confused, "Wait... you want James to stay away from you?" He asked, repeating what Regulus just told him. As if unsure of what he had just heard.

"Y...yes?" Regulus answered with a questioning tone, scared his brother wouldn't buy it. Did it sound that weird?

"I thought you liked him?" Sirius said, maybe just guessing.

Regulus's eyes widened in shock.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DID HIS BROTHER JUST SAY?

He froze for a second before regaining control.

"I'm sorry?" He looked at his brother with a neutral expression, hoping Sirius hadn't noticed the shocked expression from earlier.

"I mean, like, as a friend. You've liked being friends with him back then, haven't you?" Oh.

If that was what Sirius meant, then it made sense. Regulus felt a quiet relief settle in his chest after hearing what his brother just told him.

"Yeah. But you know..." Regulus paused mid-sentence, then added calmly, "I just want to give us some time apart... from the fight...? You know, I just don't have the energy right now." He hoped Sirius would understand what he was trying to say.

Sirius glanced at him for a moment with an unreadable expression, then nodded.

His brother nodded.

"Okay. I'll make sure he stays away from you." Sirius agreed to Regulus's request.

WAIT—THAT EASY?

"You want to do that?" Regulus asked, a little. Of course, he was hoping his brother wanted to help him, sure, but didn't expect it to come this easily. But of course, he was glad.

"Sure. That's my best." Sirius said with smiled to Regulus, his face looked so much more caring.

Regulus felt warmth bloom in his chest at the sight of his brother's smile.

"T-thanks, Siri." He whispered a little, but he knew Sirius heard him.

"Sure, petit frère." Sirius ruffled Regulus's hair gently.

"I'll go then..." Regulus said quietly, standing up from the chair. He was so nervous because, as he remembered, he and Sirius had never had an interaction like this before.

Or did they?

Before Regulus could leave the room completely, his brother stopped him with a few words.

"Thanks, Reggie." Sirius said.

Regulus turned back at his brother, confused, "For what?"

Sirius smiled and said, "For asking my help."

Regulus froze for a moment. He stared at his brother intensely—his older brother. His Sirius. He had always been there. He always in his room. It was Regulus who had never asked anything from him. Simply because he thought Sirius didn't want him to. He had never planned on asking Sirius's help, not unless he was cornered like now, in this fucked-up situation with James.

"Uhm. I should be the one thanking you." Regulus said awkwardly—and that made Sirius chuckle with amusement.

"Yeah. And you did." Sirius replied.

"I'll go then?" Regulus asked again, seeking permission to leave.

"Sure. By the way, is it okay if sometimes we grab coffee and just chill? If you didn't mind, of course." Sirius said stepping closer to Regulus.

Regulus looked at his brother. They had never done something like that before.

Chilling with Sirius?

Of course he'd love to. Why wouldn't he?

"S-sure." Regulus nodded, then added quietly, "I would love to."

"Okay. That's a deal." Sirius nodded, still smiling—warm and sincere.

"I'll go?" Regulus looked like he was asking Sirius again.

Sirius chuckled once more and nodded, "Sure. Get some rest even though it's basically morning." He let Regulus head out.

Regulus nodded slightly, "You too."

Then he left his brother's room, and he heard the door close behind him.

Regulus headed back to his own room.

He lay on his bed. Then his mind spiraled for a moment again.

Sirius had said something—about how he knew Regulus liked being friends with James back then.

Did that mean Sirius had seen how intense—or obsessed—Regulus was with James when they were younger?

But his brother was always the kind of clueless person. Even though they weren't that close, Regulus just knew his brother wasn't the type to guess at things. He was more the type who needed to be told what was going on.

Maybe that's why Sirius never knew how hard Regulus was crushing on James. Even though, thinking about it now, it was probably obvious.

Was that also what James meant earlier? When he said he could see Regulus clearly?

GOD.

Too much was happening in his life right now.

If you had asked him a month ago, he wouldn't have believed any of this could happen.

What if Sirius found out he wasn't straight? What would he think if he knew his little brother loved a man, and that man was his best friend? What would Sirius say if he knew James and Regulus had almost kissed?

What would Sirius look like when he found out all of that? Disgusted? Furious? Would he be disappointed with Regulus? Would he blame Regulus?

Regulus didn't know. He didn't know anything right now. He didn't know how to help himself anymore.

What should he do?

Loving James was actually ruining his life.

But he couldn't stop.

He was so selfish—and he hated himself for it.

KNOCK-KNOCK

"Reggie?" Sirius's voice came from in front of Regulus's room.

Regulus was still lying on his bed, looking like he was sick. Maybe he was. Since he barely slept all night and was stressed about everything that happened. Yeah. He was rarely involved with something that took all his attention—he was the type of safe person who played it safe. When he saw problems, he was supposed to avoid them. That was his best.

He had been avoiding James for a moment now. But since he didn't say ‘no’ to James, it meant he wasn't thinking to avoiding of the mind problem that he should've avoided in the first place.

"May I come in?" Sirius asked again, since he didn't hear any answer from Regulus.

Regulus couldn't get up from his bed. His whole body was sore everywhere. He hoped he had forgotten to lock his door so Sirius could just come in.

CLICK

The door clicked. Meant he had forgotten to lock his door before, since his brother seemed to be entering his room now. Then he heard Sirius close the door again and step closer to his bed, to him.

"Whoa. You're sick?" Sirius asked, but somehow Regulus could feel that his brother was mocking him. Yeah. A few things didn't change just because you grew older. Including how Sirius enjoyed mocking his little brother sometimes.

"Hmm.." Regulus just hummed as an answer. He couldn't even open his eyes.

Regulus felt Sirius sit on the edge of his bed, close to his body. Then he felt Sirius's hand touch his forehead gently. His brother was checking his temperature.

"Yep. You're sick." Sirius said surely after he checked Regulus.

"I don't think I could go to school." Regulus whispered after he gathered enough energy to speak.

"I don't think you could either." Sirius replied, maybe with a soft smile—Regulus could feel that even though he couldn't see it.

"How can you do that?" Regulus asked, one of his question about his brother slipping out.

"Do what?" Sirius asked back, clearly not knowing what his brother was talking about.

"How are you always the one who's latest back home but still manage to at the dining room first? Do you sleep at all?" Okay. Just asking that question almost made Regulus choke on air because of how weak he was now. But he'd wondered about this for a long time, and since now he could ask the one he should've asked, he didn't throw that change away.

Sirius chuckled after hearing what Regulus just said, "Well, I slept of course. For a couple of hours. And I set an alarm to wake me up so I wouldn't be late." Sirius answered, his hand gently brushing Regulus's hair with care.

Regulus felt so much comfort from Sirius's caresses on his hair. He felt like he was a kid again, and Sirius was just caring for him so much. Besides, he didn't remember Sirius ever doing this kind of action when they were younger. Because Regulus remembered more about their fights than any other things from their childhood memories.

"Cool." Regulus replied shortly because he didn't know what else to say. But at least he could solve one of his big mysteries about Sirius.

Regulus could smell Sirius's perfume. It smelled like sandalwood? But the scent also had a smoky accent. It made sense since his brother was smoking.

"So, I'll tell Maman and Papa that you're sick?" Sirius asked permission from Regulus. Older Sirius seemed to know something about privacy with his brother, since young Sirius would've done anything without asking Regulus first.

"Hm..." Regulus hummed because he didn't have much energy again.

"I'll tell them to give you some time first." Sirius said with so much understanding toward what his brother needed. Maybe he knew that Regulus didn't have the energy to deal with their parents checking on him now.

"Thanks, Frére." Regulus said quietly.

"Sure. And I'll make sure to protect you from James." Sirius added.

When Regulus heard that, he almost opened his eyes wide and sat up on his bed. It almost gave him the power to not be sick anymore. Thanks, Merlin, he didn't do anything that stupid, because it would've confused Sirius.

"Hmm..." Regulus just smiled a little, very little—he wasn't sure his brother saw it.

"I always knew James was kind of obsessed with you back then. Didn't know that he still is until now. It must've been bothering you all this time." Sirius yapped about his best friend with a slightly complaining voice.

Regulus listened to everything Sirius had just told him.

Obsession?

What was Sirius talking about?

"What does that even mean?" Regulus asked quietly, confused.

"Well, didn't you know about that? He was kind of obsessed with you. Probably jealous of me for having a baby brother since he didn't have any." Sirius murmured something that confused Regulus more than it helped him.

"I don't understand." Regulus said as he opened his eyes slightly and squinted to see his brother. Sirius's hair was in a messy bun and he was wearing his black T-shirt with some singer's face on it. Regulus didn't know who the singer was since he wasn't like his brother, who knew a lot of musicians.

Regulus could see how handsome and pretty his brother was. He looked like an unreal person. He had a star-shaped piercing on his ear. He was aesthetically gorgeous in his own way. Totally smashed like a rockstar.

"One of the weirdest things I know about his obsession with you—which again, I told you was so much that it sometimes creeps me out—is that he used your gift as his pendant. Remember the shell you gave him when we were on that beach? How old were we back then?" Sirius told a story without stoping mid-air.

A story that Regulus already knew since he'd seen the necklace before. He just didn't know how long James had worn that necklace—or his shell as a pendant. And it turns out his brother seemed to know a few things about James since he was his best friend.

"Eleven and thirteen." Regulus answered Sirius's last question about their age on that beach.

"Yeah. That's it." Sirius said and slightly nodded.

Regulus saw his brother's face clearly. It looked like Sirius was totally clueless about everything—and thank God he was. Because Regulus couldn't imagine how Sirius would react to James trying to kiss Regulus, or to the fact that Regulus had been crushing on James all this time.

Sirius would've freaked out.

"Maybe because he didn't have anything else to make into a pendant." Regulus said, trying to calm Sirius's thoughts about how creepy what James had done with the shell was.

"Yeah. Probably. Poor Jamie, he just wants a brother." Sirius said with a shrug.

Regulus looked at his brother. Thinking, what would happen if Sirius knew that James probably didn't see Regulus as a potential brother? James, in fact, saw him as anything but a brother. James had almost laid his lips on Regulus's and even seemed to give a hint earlier about some inappropriate dreams towards Regulus? Which was... creepy for Sirius, but not for Regulus.

Well, of course it was creepy.

But since Regulus also dreamed about that stuff toward James, it was fair for both of them. There's no possibility that James just yapped about things like that earlier, right? He really had dreamed about that? Or was he just playing with Regulus since that was his favorite thing to do?

No one knows. Not even Regulus. Maybe James was the only one who knew the truth behind those words.

"Yeah, he is." Regulus agreed with his brother, because what else could he do? He couldn't tell Sirius about what had just happened between him and James. Hell no.

"I still have a lot more creepy things about his actions if you want to know." Sirius offered Regulus something he totally wanted to know. He could sell his soul for that.

"I don't mind hearing your stories." But Regulus couldn't show clearly to his brother how much he really wanted to know that, since he had to play it cool. His brother was probably clueless, but Regulus didn't know if he might slip up and Sirius would manage to solve the puzzle about it.

It was a nightmare.

"I'll tell you later, when we grab some coffee and chill." Sirius said with a warm smile. He caressed Regulus's hair once more before pulling away. He added, "Okay, looks like it's my time to head out. I'll visit you again soon, if that's okay?" Sirius stood up and still glanced at Regulus, who was still in the same position. Sirius was really asking Regulus's permission for everything. He looked like he didn't want to step over Regulus's boundaries. What a nice thing he did.

Regulus nodded as a reply and said quietly, "Thanks, Siri."

"Sure, Reggie." Sirius smiled again before finally heading out of Regulus's room.

Was his relationship with his brother supposed to be this easy? Was it supposed to feel like this? Was this what it felt like to chat with an older brother?

Regulus never thought they could've done something like this. Before, if one of them was sick, they didn't visit each other's room like this. Maybe Regulus would come to Sirius's room with food or medicine ordered by their parents, and the opposite for Sirius. They didn't talk much and just gave some affirmations to feel better soon. Then they left the room.

This was the first time Sirius came to Regulus's room first, without any orders from their parents. Their parents didn't even know Regulus was sick at this point. And Sirius offered him a lot of things earlier.

He offered to tell their parents not to visit him now so he could rest well for a moment. He offered him a stupid story about James, which Regulus loved hearing. He offered to tell him more about that when they met for coffee and chilling. And last but not least, he offered to visit again.

Was their relationship always like this? NO. But now, it seemed so easy for them to be brothers. Maybe because they both had grown up? Regulus didn't know. But his brother wasn't like his brother before. Not like the old Sirius, who seemed to hate him for so many reasons—including the ones involving James.

Could Regulus finally have the relationship he always wanted to have with his brother?

GOSH.

There were too many things happening in his life right now. And this all started because he agreed to join the painting club in the first place earlier.

Should that be considered a blessing or a curse?

He didn't know.

But he felt so much joy right now, so probably he'd call it a blessing for now. He hoped it would last as a blessing forever.

Then he went back to sleep, hoping he would dream about something nice. Maybe dreaming about James? Who knows if they'd finally go out on a date in that dream?

Sirius walked to his class and happened to pass Evan on the way, so he stopped the blond guy to have a little chat.

"Ev," He called his little brother's friend.

Thankfully, Evan looked at him immediately, "What's up, Sirius." Evan asked.

Sirius stood in front of Evan, one of his hands holding his book, "I just wanted to inform you that my brother's sick, so he can't attend class." Sirius told him.

Evan looked at Sirius, confused and maybe a little worried, "Oh. So how is he, then?"

Sirius knew Evan and Regulus had some kind of deep relationship as friends. He figured that out on his own—not because Regulus had ever told him anything. But he could see how much Evan cared for his brother all this time. He was grateful for that. There were a few times when he'd thought Regulus wouldn't have any friends and would probably be all alone. Thank God it didn't turn out that way.

"He's resting in his room. I don't know if he wants visitors, but let's say he needs time to rest right now." Sirius said, giving a hint to Evan not to visit his brother just yet. Because he knew that sometimes Regulus didn't have the energy to deal with people. Especially at times like this.

Evan nodded, understanding. It seemed like he got what Sirius was trying to tell him. Then he said, "Yeah. Thanks for telling me. I'll just text him later."

Sirius smiled and nodded slightly. He always knew Evan was the kind of person who understood things easily. In fact, Evan looked like a smart person. He matched Regulus's energy at some point, and that made Sirius understand why they'd lasted as friends all this time.

"Okay, I'll head out then." Sirius said, seeking permission from Evan before going his own way.

"Okay, Sirius." Evan nodded.

Then they parted ways to their own classes. When he walked past the painting club's room, Sirius couldn't help himself from peeking inside through the glass part of the door. He knew it was still early, but he also happened to know that Remus was a morning person. So, probably... that boy was in there for some reason Sirius didn't really understand.

"Looking for something, Black?"

"Oh." Sirius's heart almost dropped from the shock he got when someone whispered in his ear from behind.

He threw his gaze to that person—who turned out to be the exact one he was trying to find in the painting club's room earlier.

"You shouldn't do something like that, Remus. I almost punched you." Sirius told the other boy, now that they were standing face to face.

Remus just smiled slightly, "Won't do that again." He said, then rubbed the back of his neck, almost like he was nervous.

Sirius realized how awkward Remus had been since the day he first met him. Remus was a friend of James, who later James introduced him to everyone during their first year. Sirius couldn't remember exactly how James and Remus became friends, but if he wasn't mistaken, it happened because they met at some summer camp or similar public activity by accident. And since Remus was also attending the same high school as them, they eventually became friends.

Even though Sirius couldn't say that he and Remus were close like Remus and James, lately—since Remus had asked for his help with constellations and stuff—their friendship had grown closer somehow. But of course, Remus was still as awkward as ever. And somehow, Sirius enjoyed that.

Remus gave off the vibe of someone clever but awkward. And that made it even better, because he was handsome and tall. People must've loved that kind of person. He had a low voice, but it always sounded gentle and caring—at least that's what Sirius could tell based on their interactions. And don't forget, he was really good at poetry and painting.

Kind of perfect, in a nerdy way.

"Are you going to class?" Sirius asked Remus, who still seemed kind of awkward. That was somehow his favorite thing to start a day with.

"Yeah. But I want to check something first." Remus answered as he glanced at the door behind Sirius. Then he asked, "Why are you here?"

Sirius blinked for a moment. Sure, why was he here in the first place?

For sneaking a look at Remus?

Sirius chuckled at his own silliness, then shrugged, "Well, looking for you." He said honestly. Because that's who Sirius was. He wasn't someone who thought things through before speaking. He always said whatever came to mind first. Sirius was an easy person.

Maybe that was the main difference between him and Regulus. Regulus seemed like a very careful person. The type who thought about everything and considered every decision carefully. Very much the opposite of Sirius, who was more like a walking disaster. He didn't understand why people needed to be so careful? Where was the fun in that?

Remus looked at Sirius with an unreadable expression—maybe kind of shocked? But not really. Then he asked, "Why's that?" Clearly confused by Sirius's answer.

Sirius shrugged again, "Because you're always here." He said casually.

But honestly, that probably wasn't the kind of answer Remus needed. Sirius was anything but insightful like that. It was more likely Regulus who could guess what people needed to hear—not Sirius.

"Okay..." Remus said hesitantly, but didn't ask anything more. Instead, he stepped closer to the door, "You want to come? Then we can walk to class together?" He asked, offering Sirius to join him inside the room first.

Sirius nodded without hesitation, "Sure."

Then the two of them entered the room. While Remus busied himself with what he needed to do, Sirius also busied himself looking around. The room was filled with a lot of canvases—some already painted, others still blank.

Sirius wasn't into painting stuff, even though he'd grown up around it because of Monty. But he didn't enjoy it as much as the other things he was into now. Of course, sometimes he did some painting, but it wasn't his favorite. He knew his brother loved painting so much.

"Wow..." Sirius gasped at all the painted canvases he saw, thinking about how some people really had talent with this stuff. Then he noticed one small painting tucked in a corner, maybe meant not to be seen based on where it was placed.

He crouched down to look more closely. It was a painting of a boy with long black hair. The face was familiar. Of course it was—because that painting was basically of him.

Sirius looked closer, thinking maybe he was mistaken. Maybe it was some other boy or some artist? But the more he looked, the more certain he was that it was him. He recognized the white shirt the muse was wearing and knew exactly what event that painting was from.

Probably second year, when he and his band had a small show at a school event. He remembered wearing that white shirt and letting his hair down. His hair wasn't as long as it was now, but still long.

Why was there a painting of him in this room? Who the hell painted him?

"Sirius?" Remus called from across the room, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Sirius glanced at Remus, "Coming." He said as he stepped closer. He wanted to ask about the painting, but somehow he didn't feel like he should.

For the first time, he felt like he was thinking before doing something. Which was weird, considering how he usually acted.

"What were you looking at?" Remus asked, curious.

Sirius just shrugged, trying to stay chill even though he felt a little nervous. Then he smiled usual, "Some painting."

"Oh." Remus nodded, then led the way as they left the room together.

"Are you done with your stuff?" Sirius asked as they walked toward class.

"Yeah." Remus said, looking straight ahead.

Sirius nodded. His interaction with Remus were usually like this. They talked, then went quiet—but not in a bad way. It was comfortable. Sirius was the type of person who loved to talk about everything, and Remus was always listened. It seemed like he was genuinely curious about Sirius's stories. Sirius loved his friendship with Remus.

Not that he thought Remus was better than James. Of course he loved James with his all of his heart. James was almost like his mirror because they had so much in common. And James had always been there for him since they were kids. James was irreplaceable.

But Remus... Remus was different. Sirius didn't even know how to explain it. The comfort he got from Remus was something he hadn't felt before. Not with anyone else.

"Sirius..." Remus called him quietly as they were about to enter class.

Sirius stopped walking, and so did Remus. They stood close to the classroom door, looking at each other.

 "Hm?" Sirius hummed in response.

"Do you want to grab something after school?" Remus asked carefully, like he was worried about how Sirius would react.

Sirius—who wasn't the overthinking type Remus assumed he was—just nodded slightly.

"Sure, Remus. Let's go later—just the two of us." He said with excitement.

Remus glanced at him for a moment, looking stunned—but also grateful.

"Okay..."

"C'mon." Sirius said as he grabbed Remus's hand so they could enter class together since it was probably about to start.

Remus just followed him, looking like he gave up on resisting. Maybe... he even liked it when Sirius did that.

Who knows?

Now they had finished the class and were on break for the canteen. Sirius closed his book. He didn't know what he'd written earlier in his notebook because his mind was still spiraling around the painting of him he found earlier.

Did he have some kind of secret admirer at school? Well, that wasn't new for him. He knew he was quite famous anyway, so he did, in fact, have fans. A lot, probably. But he just never thought someone would paint him. It was the coolest way of crushing on someone, Sirius thought.

"Say that again to me." James begged Sirius to repeat what he'd just told him earlier about Regulus.

"That my baby brother was sick?" Sirius said—or almost like he was asking which part James wanted to hear.

James sat on Sirius's desk and folded his arms, "The one about how he wants to stay away from me." Now James looked like he was demanding.

"He just needed time from your fight. You should give him one." Sirius said with a little shake of his head.

"He told you that we fought?" James asked, confused. Sirius didn't seem to care.

Sirius nodded, "Yes. Weren't you, Prongs?" He asked James.

James sighed and then pinched his temple, disbelief creeping in, "Regulus would never not shock me." He muttered, maybe more to himself than to Sirius.

Sirius looked at James, confused. Why did James's reaction seem completely different from Regulus's story? James didn't look like someone who'd just fought with his little brother. But Sirius didn't really care. James and Regulus were both older. Whatever the hell happened between them, they could solve it their own way.

Besides, Sirius still had something else to his mind. The painting.

"Just give it time. For both of you." He said again as he stood up and tapped James's shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Sure." James nodded, finally agreeing.

"Hey guys, want to go to the canteen?" Peter asked as he stood near them with a lollipop in his mouth.

"Yeah, Pete." James nodded walking toward him.

"Where did you get that?" Sirius asked about the lollipop.

"From my girlfriend." Peter answered casually, like it wasn't something that would shock them all.

"What the hell, Pete!" Marlene who hadn't been paying attention, gasped and grabbed Peter's shoulder, "Who the hell is she?!"

"It's a secret lover girl." Peter smiled at her.

"What? Why would that be a secret?" James asked, baffled.

The three of them headed to the canteen. Sirius stayed behind, waiting for Remus, who was still writing something in his book.

"Why you didn't go first?" Remus asked, without looking up as Sirius sat beside him.

Sirius looked at what Remus was writing—it was probably material from class earlier. Remus really was smart. At least he was seriously studying. It never failed to impress Sirius.

"Can I wait for you then?" Sirius asked as he laid his head on the desk and looked at Remus, who stayed focused on his notebook.

Sirius looked at Remus's face. There were a few little scars on it. But honestly, they didn't make him any less attractive. Sirius could tell, one hundred percent, that no one gave a damn about Remus's scars. If anything, they made him look mysterious, and maybe even kind of... hot?

"Sure, you can." Remus replied, still busying himself.

"Who do you think Peter's girlfriend is?" Sirius asked Remus, trying to make a conversation. Sirius was exactly what Regulus thought he was—someone who couldn't really stand not talking about stuff. Probably he could bear not talking too much when he was with Remus, which had just happened recently.

"Probably the girl from the next class." Remus answered. Miraculously, he was the kind of who could multitask. He could do a few things together. That's just how he was in front of Sirius.

"How cool to have a girlfriend in your last year." Sirius murmured, still watching Remus. Sirius had dated a few times earlier, but somehow it never ended well. Most of the time, he got dumped. The most heartbreaking one was when he was in second year, where he was just some kind of bet between some girls and got dumped after a few days of dating.

Turns out, when you were quite famous, it didn't really mean that people liked you in a serious way. Most of them were maybe just curious about you—wanted to taste dating you for fame or personal advantage.

Lately, he wasn't into dating anymore. Kind of scared of what might be waiting if he decided to do that again.

Remus stopped writing, then glanced at Sirius—intensely.

"What?" Sirius asked, confused. Had he just said something wrong that caught Remus's attention?

"You want to date?" Remus asked, locking eyes with him.

"Don't we all want that?" Sirius asked, also narrowing his eyes back at Remus. Yeah. With their distance so close, Sirius could tell how handsome Remus was. With his brown messy hair and his dark brown eyes that somehow looked like they were sparkling.

Sirius bet millions of girl would line up for Remus.

"Hm... I don't." Remus answered, awkwardly returning to his notebook. Sirius could see Remus swallow nervously, trying to focus again.

"I bet a lot of people want to date you." Sirius said, now not looking at Remus, more likely lost in his own thoughts.

"Lots of people want to date you, too." Remus replied, still busy with his work—but after a pause, he added, "Female or male."

Sirius turned his gaze to him again.

Male?

Sirius had never thought about that before. Not that he was against it. He didn't really care about people's preferences in love. He believed love could come from whoever. It wasn't limited by gender.

But personally, he had never thought about it for himself. Because he had never had that kind of connection with a male. Of course, some people joked about he and James were dating, but they weren't. Sirius loved his relationship with James, which he thought was more than best friends—James was probably his soulmate at this point. And he never had that kind of intimacy toward James, not in a romantic way.

He didn't even judge James when his best friend told him a weird story when they were younger. It happened probably when they were twelve or thirteen, when James admitted to him that his wet dreams happened to be with a male, not a female.

Of course, Sirius was confused at first. But he and James came up with some kind of deal—that they could dream about anything, and that was normal. He didn't know if James had some preference loving male or not now. But if James did, Sirius didn't care either, as long as he was happy.

James was his best friend—also his family and his soulmate. Whatever made him happy, Sirius was okay with it.

"I've never dated a male. Have you?" Sirius asked Remus, curious.

Sirius knew Marlene was into girls—she told him so, said she hadn't liked any men since high school. But Peter was straight—just into girls, which was also good. James was... well, Sirius didn't think he was into anything lately. Neither male nor female. And Remus...? He didn't know.

"I have." Remus nodded slightly—looking too calm for someone who just came out to his friend.