Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dean lay on his stomach, head turned toward the bright light coming from the open window.

There was a slight breeze that reached his face. It smelt of summer. That earthy scent that was only present when one cracked a window during the warmer months of the year.

Dean slowly opened his eyes.

The sun wasn’t too high up in the clear sky, so it must have been the early hours of the morning.

Dean lifted himself up on his forearms to glance around the unfamiliar room.

Waking up in a random apartment wasn’t a new occurrence for him. It didn’t happen often, but it happened enough that Dean was unaffected.

He turned to look over his left shoulder.

Damn his head throbbed. His shoulders ached. And his ass was sore for some reason.

Seriously, what happened last night? He probably shit out all the alcohol he had ingested.

Dean let out a quiet laugh and looked around the room.

Two large bookshelves took up most of the right wall. Dean’s eyes were pretty shit, so he couldn’t see much of the labels. He did notice that most of them seemed worn though, used and well loved.

There was a white dresser in the middle of the grey center wall, some posters were thrown up for decoration.

The Cure was the only band that Dean recognized. The others were splattered with weird names and even weirder covers.

This girl surely had some odd taste in music.

Dean rolled over onto his back to take in the rest of the room.

A wooden desk was pushed into the corner of the left wall, papers scattered the top of it, along with a computer that was half opened. Dean noticed one of those cheesy triangle university flags pinned above the piece of furniture. Huh. They went to the same school.

Honestly, the room was nice.

Clean, apart from a heap of clothing that covered the floor. It didn’t take a genius to guess where that had come from. His own flannel peaked out from under a pair of jeans and what looked to be white shorts.

Dean suddenly felt a small weight at the bottom of the bed. He noticed a black cat settling down in between the space of his and Mystery Woman’s legs.

He let out a long breath and dropped down onto his back, finally looking to his left at the girl who brought him home.

What he was met with was a small sliver of the top of a head.

Brown hair.

It was short, given the spiky strands that stuck up from beneath the white bedsheet.

Dean usually went for girls with longer hair, but good for him for switching it up.

Now he had two options.

He could quietly leave and never know the face of who he slept with. It wasn't like he hadn't done that before.

Or he could lift the sheet and sneak a glance at the chick with a pixie cut who probably rocked his world last night.

Dean went with option two.

He lifted the blanket carefully.

Yes, short hair and a back. A back that undoubtedly had a few scratch marks running down it. Red, ugly things embedded into the otherwise perfect skin. Dean cringed at that, he must have made her bleed. He'd never done that before.

He also felt bad for thinking this girl was a dude.

That is until said girl let out a deep groan and turned her head to face Dean.

Oh shit.

It was a dude.

Dean froze for a second.

He couldn’t really remember last night, but that was fine.

He knew himself, he would never, under no circumstance, pick up a guy.

So what if he was in bed with a man? That didn’t mean anything.

But it did.

Because Dean knew he was naked under the covers. This guy was shirtless, so that must have meant the bottom half of clothing had made it to the floor too.

“Wake the fuck up, man!” Dean kicked the guy in the leg. He shot up onto his hands so fast that Dean almost fell off the bed at the sudden movement.

The man’s wide blue eyes took him in, and Dean was now moving to sit up completely.

The guy looked freaked. A little confused, maybe?

“What is going on?” A deep voice asked. And yeah, he was definitely freaked. His words were literally doused with fear.

“I don’t fucking know, but please tell me you have pants on under there.” Dean felt his throat tighten. He was not going to cry. This had to be a misunderstanding.

The guy lifted the sheet and his horrified expression was enough for Dean’s brain to let a couple tears fall.

“Shit.” Dean’s voice cracked, “Close your eyes.”

“What are-”

“Please!” Dean pleaded, “I’m leaving. Close your eyes, goddammit.”

The man closed his eyes.

As Dean went to gather his clothes from the floor, he noticed the stranger was breathing rather heavily. His face was pinched and he was noticeably shaking.

Dean honestly felt bad.

They were probably in the same situation.

This guy was panicking as much as Dean was.

He probably needed comfort. Some type of reassurance. But too bad, because no way in hell could Dean provide that for him.

Not that the man would appreciate it. He'd probably shove Dean away and tell him to get out. That's what Dean would have done if the roles were reversed anyway.

Once he had his shirt and flannel on, he reached around the pile to find his boxers. They were under a pair of black dress pants and the white shorts Dean had spotted earlier, which he now suspected were the guys underwear. There was also a tie thrown in the mix.

Not only did Dean sleep with a man, but he slept with a Dork. Capital D.

“Can I open my eyes now?” Mystery Man asked as Dean buttoned his jeans.

“No, shut up!” Dean snapped and slipped on his shoes that he found kicked under the desk chair.

Good thing Dean did one last look over of the room (purposely avoiding the bed), he spotted his phone on the nightstand. He did the most logical thing in a situation like this. He grabbed it and ran.

Honest to God ran.

He didn’t slow down to inspect the rest of the apartment. He sprinted down the steps and flung his body out the double doors that lead to the street.

Dean didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t know where he was or how he got there.

This was a disaster.

Dean began to walk in a circle, it was getting harder to breath and he was honestly about to have a fucking panic attack.

He was so embarrassed.

Dean needed someone. He needed answers.

He wiped his tears and searched through his phone for a certain name.

“Charlie.” Dean whispered as soon as the call went through.

“Dean? Hey are you okay, you sound like-”

“Charlie,” his voice cracked, “I need you. I- I did something. I don’t know. I need-, just please come get me.”

He heard some shuffling in the background. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s alright, Dean. I’m coming. Send me your location, I’m leaving right now.”

Dean muttered a quiet thanks and turned his back toward the apartment building. He noted the university issued name and texted it to Charlie.

She showed up twelve minutes later.

It was quiet when he climbed into the passenger seat.

“Dean-”

“Just drive.”

Charlie did.

They didn’t speak the whole ride to Charlie’s apartment. Dean was honestly grateful. He did not feel like seeing Benny at the moment, given the state he was in.

They were silent as they stood in the elevator. Silent as they opened the door to number 538. And silent as they sat on the ratty living room couch Dean had picked up outside a frat house last semester.

Charlie waited for him to open his mouth.

It took a couple seconds, but he ended up blurting out: “I slept with someone last night.”

The red haired girl raised her eyebrows, a horrified expression slowly took over her features. “Oh God, please don’t tell me you actually slept with a professor!”

“No!” Dean shouted, “Worse.”

He was going to cry again.

Dean hadn’t cried in years, and yet this was the second time in the span of an hour that it became harder for him to see.

He felt pathetic.

Dean didn’t cry.

Boys didn’t cry. He knew that. His father’s words rang in his head as he felt the wet steaks slide down his face.

“Okay,” Charlie trailed off and waited for Dean to tell her who exactly was causing him this much distress.

“It was- a, it was.” Dean shut his mouth.

“An old woman?” Charlie guessed. “That’s okay, not the type I’d go for, but it’s not-”

“It was a dude!” Dean shouted and immediately covered his burning cheeks with his hands.

He shouldn’t be here.

Why was he telling Charlie this?

If no one knew, then it didn’t happen.

But of course he had to run his stupid mouth, which meant it was real.

“Hey,” Charlie scooted closer to him and reached for his arm, “it’s going to-”

“No!” Dean shrugged her hand away and stood up from the couch. “I can’t believe I did that. Oh my God, my dad’s going to kill me. He’s going to-”

It was Charlie’s turn to cut Dean off. “Stop! Who cares what your dad thinks? Is he here?” The girl got up from the couch and started picking up the throw pillows, looking under each one before chucking them to the floor. “John? John, where are you?”

“He’ll find out. He’s going to come to my game tomorrow and he’s going to know. He’s going to find out his son had a dick up his ass.” Dean spun around to face Charlie. He couldn’t stop the words coming from his mouth. “Yeah, guess what? I fucking took it up the ass. I could have at least tried to be less of a girl. Could have fucked him. But no, I had to fucking- this is…Jesus, this is bad. Did he even use lube? This is so-”

“Dean, you’re freaking out. Sit down.” He did.

Charlie was either genuinely interested or trying to help the situation by asking: “How do you know that though, do you remember what happened or-”

“No, I don't remember. Trust me, if I was in control of my actions, this never would have happened. And my ass hurts, like really bad. I’m no Einstein, but I can make that conclusion given the presented facts.” He sounded like such a nerd.

“Dean, can I ask you something without you panicking?”

“Shoot.” Dean said nervously as Charlie sat back down on the couch.

“Did someone slip something in your drink? I know you like to get pretty drunk, but if you can’t remember anything then maybe,” Charlie paused, “maybe the guy put-”

“He didn’t.” Dean sounded sure. “Man, you should have seen him. He was totally freaked out and confused. I actually felt bad.”

Charlie nodded. “Okay, listen to what I’m telling you and don’t interrupt me. It’s okay to like boys-”

“I don’t!”

“Dean.” Charlie snapped. “Okay, you don’t. That’s fine too. People experiment in college, it’s not just some myth people tell you. And that’s okay. So you slept with a guy and didn’t like it. It doesn’t matter. It happened. Whatever. You can move on and sleep with however many women you want and forget about this. Dean,” Charlie took his hand, “it is not the end of the world. Nothing about you has changed.”

“The issue is I can’t remember it.” Dean said. “What if I actually did like-” he closed his mouth and looked at the floor. “Forget I said that.”

Charlie was always patient when he didn’t deserve it. “Okay.”

“If I ask you what his name was, would you tell me?”

Dean’s head snapped over to Charlie, “Shit.”

“You didn’t get his name, did you?”

He didn’t.

“Shit,” Dean repeated. “Now I’m gonna have to track him down and kill him.”

“Dean!” Charlie slapped his arm lightly.

“I’m joking! I’m just going to threaten him. Let him know that if he even thinks about telling another soul, that I’ll hurt him, real bad.” Dean nodded to himself. Yes, that was a good idea.

“No Dean, you’re not going to do that. You said it yourself, he was scared too. Do you really think he would go around telling people if he was just as frightened as you are?”

She had a good point, but, “I told you. Who’s to say he doesn’t go blabbing about it to someone?”

“Even if he does, he probably doesn’t know your name. If he was confused when he woke up, then he doesn’t remember last night either. And if you didn’t tell him your name before you left, then he doesn’t know it.” Charlie reasoned.

“But he can find out! I’m on the starting line, if he went to even a single game, he’d know me. I mean, they announce my name when I score, and I score a lot.” Dean threw his head back against the couch and groaned.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re full of yourself?” Charlie asked sweetly.

“Whatever.” Dean rolled his eyes and got up from the couch. He walked to Charlie’s kitchen to grab a cup from the cupboard.

He put on a pot of coffee and turned back to the girl, who was sitting in the same position, just staring at him.

“What?”

She sighed and got up, walking over to him with a frown. “I don’t really know what to say to you.”

“Wow thanks-”

“No, I mean. I mean, I’d like to think you came to me because I’m your best friend. But I know that spot is reserved for Sam and Benny. So you called me because I’m the only openly gay person you know, right?” Charlie asked.

“Not really. All I know is you’re someone I trust. And come on, you have a spot next to Sam and Benny. You know that.” Apparently Dean didn’t announce his appreciation for this girl enough. Wow he was a dick.

Charlie smiled, “I’m only asking because I want you to know that people won’t judge you for having sex with a man. Our friends wouldn’t mind. You know some of them have slept with the same gender.”

“I don’t want anyone to know though. It’s none of their business. It’s not like I’m going to show up holding the guy’s hand and calling him my boyfriend.” Dean turned to pour coffee into his mug, which he just noticed had a rainbow on it.

Great. The universe was laughing in his face.

“I get that. I just wanted you to know.” Charlie sighed.

“Okay.” Dean took a sip from his cup and Charlie eyed it skeptically.

“Looks like mystery man wasn’t the only thing that fucked me. The universe has to have its share too.” He held up the rainbow mug.

Charlie laughed but tried to cover it up as a cough.

“It’s okay, you can laugh. I’m using humor to cope.”

Charlie nodded, “So if we’re relatively calm now, can I at least ask if the guy was hot?”

Hot?

Dean didn’t really put much thought into the guy's looks apart from the fact that he had a penis. Which he hadn’t seen, obviously.

“I guess. If I was a girl I’d probably be all over him. He had this wild hair and his eyes were really blue.” Dean didn’t say more. He could, but he didn’t.

“Huh.”

“What?” Dean snapped.

“Nothing.” Charlie waved a hand in a dismissive gesture and turned to walk away.

“Make me a cup, I’m going to get changed. We can talk more when I’m not wearing a Star Wars robe.” She said over her shoulder.

“Hey, I like your Star Wars robe!” Dean shouted as he opened the cabinet and reached for another coffee cup.

He set it down on the counter and grabbed the pot off the burner.

"Be Who You Are" the mug read.

Shit.

Chapter Text

Castiel was confused.

Random Guy just grabbed his phone from the side table and sprinted, hitting his hip against the doorknob on his way out of the room.

Castiel was also exhausted, and he felt disgusting.

He kicked the cover off of himself and apologized to Binx when the sheet flopped over the animal’s sleeping frame. “Oh I’m sorry, baby.” He cooed at the cat after he pulled the bedsheet back.

On his way to the bathroom, Castiel picked up his boxer shorts from the floor and pulled them up his thighs.

His apartment had three rooms and a single bathroom that he shared with his brother and his friend Balthazar.

Castiel flicked the bathroom light on and closed the door behind him. He looked as gross as he felt. His hair was tangled, sticking up in every possible direction and his throat felt like he had just consumed sandpaper.

His left fingers felt greasy too. He washed his hands and sighed.

What had happened last night?

Once his hands were washed, he still felt the lingering feeling of uncleanliness.

He really needed a shower.

Castiel stripped off his underwear and stepped into the bathtub, turning the knob to the highest setting. It took him less than a minute to notice there was something wrong.

He turned his back toward the shower head, water spraying in harsh bursts. He immediately grabbed the dial to switch it off.

His back felt like it was on fire.

Castiel swung open the curtain, the rings getting caught on the part of the metal rod that was bent (courtesy of Gabriel when he got a little too into his imaginary concert performance their junior year). Castiel stepped out of the shower and looked over his shoulder in the mirror to inspect what was going on.

Oh God.

Someone had scratched him. Multiple times. And not just the lousy mild things that only left a line of raised, red skin. The kind that bled and left scabs.

What the hell?

Castiel grabbed a towel and walked back to his room, deciding that a shower probably wasn’t the best idea right now.

The apartment was quiet, oddly so. Castiel didn’t like it. It was after seven. Balthazar should have been up by now, and in less than half a hour Gabriel should be barging through his door and dragging him out of bed by his ankles.

Once in his room, he put on a pair of basketball shorts and an old shirt and went about tidying up his room. Trying to clear his racing mind. He threw the heap of clothes on his floor in the laundry basket (noticing an extra pair of socks that were not his hidden at the bottom of the pile) and began to make his bed, which Binx had disappeared from.

He probably went to Balthazar’s room. That was part of the cat’s routine. Sleep on the couch, find his way to Castiel’s room in the morning, sleep some more, and then leave to go bother Balthazar so he’d give in to feeding him.

Castiel pulled up his white sheet to the corner of his bed, beginning to tuck it under the mattress when something fell to the floor with a quiet thunk.

He looked down to see a small jar of vaseline staring up at him.

Huh.

He picked it up and opened the jar, two deep lines were carved into the previous flat surface.

They could have been from someone’s fingers.

Castiel usually kept the jar in his nightstand drawer. Gabriel had got it for him and begged him to use it because his lips were always dry. Castiel never did though. He just didn’t care, the feeling never really bothered him and it’s not like he was going around kissing anyone.

But the finger marks. That must have been what Castiel washed from his hand earlier.

No. His lips were still chapped, he knew that much.

He also knew that some people used vaseline for other activities. When Gabriel had thrown him the jar, he said: “For your crusty face in case you ever want to get some action using your mouth. Or other areas.”

Which didn’t even make sense because the other areas Gabriel was referring to would probably get infected if one used vaseline.

And now he was thinking of other areas.

You used your fingers to open other areas.

Castiel had vaseline on two of his fingers.

Dot connected.

But his ass didn’t hurt so that didn’t even-

“Oh my God!” Castiel dropped the jar.

He probably stuck his fingers in-

No.

There is absolutely no way that he did that with some guy he didn’t even know.

I mean sure, they woke up naked, but Castiel hadn’t really put two and two together.

Honestly, he was too shocked to think about the implications.

And the marks on his back.

Stupid Random Guy!

Now Castiel was told he could be oblivious, but seriously, this was downright embarrassing.

You wake up in bed, you’re naked, the person you’re with is naked and what do you think?

Castiel smacked a hand against his face.

That’s why Random Guy left in a rush.

Castiel was only freaking out because there was a stranger in his bed. Because he didn’t think he’d get with anyone. Ever. Let alone someone he didn’t know.

That hadn’t even been on his mind.

What was he supposed to do now?

Castiel took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of his bed. He would forget about it. Never think about it. And move on.

But he was worried. Why could he barely remember the night before? Gabriel had dragged him to some frat, which they sadly didn’t live far from seeing as though their apartment was part of university housing. They got to the party, paid to get in, and made their way directly to the kitchen. Castiel wasn’t going to drink, but everyone around him was getting drunk and he felt left out. Way to go internalized peer pressure. So Castiel had a few beers, some other drinks in a red solo cup that he didn’t question and-

And he doesn’t know what happened after that, but he knows for a fact that he had no recollection of running into Random Guy.

“My head is killing me and I’m going to die.” Gabriel groaned as he threw Castiel’s door open, jumping face down onto the half-made bed.

Castiel continued to sit in silence.

“You okay?” Gabriel mumbled into the mattress.

Castiel uttered a quiet “Yeah.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Gabriel sat up on his forearms and tilted his head in Castiel’s direction. The man was still in his clothes from the night before. He looked like a mess.

“Did we come home at the same time last night?” Castiel asked.

“No, I just got back. I honestly lost you pretty early on. One minute we were doing shots and the next you’re gone and I’m stuck drinking with some freshman girl who followed me around the rest of the night.”

“Oh,” Castiel left it at that and stood up from the bed. “Get off. I’m trying to clean.”

“Right. I almost forgot about your raging OCD.” Gabriel plopped off the mattress in a graceful roll to the floor.

He sat there, unflinching when Castiel lightly kicked his leg out of the way. “You’re coming to the game today. I’m forcing you.”

“No.” Castiel yanked the last corner of the cover and tucked it underneath the mattress. Running his hands over the besheet to smooth out the wrinkles.

“Come on, Cassie. It’s senior year and you haven’t been to one game! Just go to this one. Do it for your big bro.”

“If I go to the game will you stop asking me every saturday?” Castiel gave Garbiel a hopeful look.

“Yes. I promise.” Gabriel said as he slid a hand behind his back.

“Stop crossing your fingers.” Castiel reached down and grabbed his brother’s wrist to glare at his intertwined digits.

Gabriel had been doing that since they were kids. Making promises and crossing his fingers in secret, sometimes his toes. It took Castiel an embarrassing amount of time to catch on to that trick of his.

“Okay fine. I actually won’t ask you to go anymore if you come to this one.” There was a hopeful look in Gabriel’s eye. Something else too, but Castiel wasn’t sure what to call it.

“Fine.”

This was hell on Earth.

Castiel couldn’t even walk three feet without someone bumping into him. Sometimes harshly. He almost got knocked on his ass when a burly guy shoulder checked them as they were standing in the concession line.

“This is intolerable. I shouldn’t have agreed to this.” Castiel huffed bitterly as Balthazar yanked him by his shirt sleeve in order to save him from getting sun over by a group of middle aged men sporting gear of the opposing team.

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun. There are quite a few hotties on the team and we may even witness a fight!” Garbiel tried to speak clearly around his hot dog and took a seat at the far end of one of the metal benches overlooking the stadium.

Balthazar grimaced, “Do us all a favor and never say the word ‘hotties’ again.”

“As you wish.” Gabriel held out his food for Castiel to try and he almost took up the offer when he noticed relish peeking out from in between the bun and hot dog.

“No thank you.” Castiel pushed the dog back to Gabriel and the man just shrugged and shoved the rest of it in his mouth.

Before Castiel knew it, the game was starting. The teams lined up facing each other at the center of the field and then a ball was being thrown.

Contrary to popular belief, Castiel actually did know things about football. Not very many, but enough that he could follow along without seeming completely out of place.

So he sat there for a while, zoning off on that hot bench that was slightly burning him through his jeans. After a while Gabriel elbowed him, “We scored! Get up!”

Castiel rose to his feet and gave a few claps. “Winchester, the ball carrier, good for thirty yards and a touchdown!” The announcer’s voice rang through the speakers, but it didn’t exactly reach Castiel’s ears.

The man was being broadcast on the big screen, and everything was fine before he took his helmet off to take a sip of water from the bottle that some lady handed to him.

Random Guy had a name: Winchester.

That same golden hair, now darker and matted with sweat. The same green eyes now sending a wink at the screen when he noticed the camera on him.

Jesus.

Castiel slept with someone on the football team.

Which was fine, honestly, he was never one to stereotype. But seriously? If Catiel ever even thought about it, he pictured his first time would be with some nice, boring guy he’d probably meet in one of his artsy classes. Not an athlete, let alone one that was actually good.

Castiel only shut his open mouth when Gabriel pulled him down onto the bench, seeing as though he was the only one still standing.

He was in shock.

“What crawled up your ass and died?” Balthazar asked when he noticed Castiel suddenly scowling.

He wasn’t purposely scowling, that was just his face when he got lost in thought.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

And that was that.

Time seemed to speed up after that.

It was the end of the fourth quarter when a way too energetic red haired girl squeezed her way in between Castiel and Gabriel.

The girl, Charlie, was apparently in the same coding class as his brother.

“Now why the fuck are you taking an advanced coding class, you’re literally a history major.” Balthazar leaned around Castiel to question Gabriel.

“I thought it would be fun. Plus it filled the last Gen Ed I needed.” The man shrugged and went back to chatting away with Charlie about God knows what. Castiel wasn’t really paying attention. He was more focused on the game. Scanning the field for number twenty-eight.

“We’re going to go see one of our friend’s after this. He’s on the team and you’re going to have to meet him because Charlie just invited us all to D and G after this.” Gabriel yelled to Castiel and Balthazar over some chant that was starting up in the student section.

“D and G?” Castiel asked, tilting his head with confusion.

“Dames and Grinks,” Gabriel said.

“I think you mean Drinks and-”

“Gabe’s right,” Charlie interrupted, “during freshman year, our one friend Benny got really drunk and insisted that we play games he’d bought. Bored games, card games, drinking games, the whole shebang. He literally stood up on his desk and told us," The girl’s voice dropped and she started to do some type of accent, “‘This night will go down in history as the first annual Dames and Grinks.’ It was so funny. Dean still has the video saved and he plays it every D and G night.”

“Wow.” That was the only response he could offer. He and Balthazar only met Charlie ten minutes ago and Gabriel had known her for less than a month. He had no idea who Benny or Dean were so he couldn’t really get the right picture in his mind. Sure the story was funny, but if he actually knew these people maybe he’d let out a laugh.

“Good memories,” Charlie looked off into the distance in a way that could be described as the end credits of a life-altering movie.

Cheers broke out amongst the student section and Castiel noticed the final quarter had ended.

Finally.

But now he had to meet yet another new person and endure another drunken night.

Castiel was not excited.

Chapter Text

Dean didn’t think about it.

Not really.

Not when Charlie drove him home and some stupid cheesy love song played on the radio.

Not after his twenty minute shower when he noticed the multiple hickeys (that Charlie somehow failed to point out) scattered on his neck and chest.

And especially not now, when Victor sat next to him on the locker room bench to point out the damn things.

“Looks like you had a nice Friday. Or did that happen at Kappa, cuz you were not sporting those when I saw you.” The man said as he bent down to lace his cleats.

“You were there?” Dean tried not to put too much emotion into his words, but he was eager for an answer. If Victor was at the party, maybe he knew who Dean had been hanging around with.

Victor dropped the laces of his shoe and looked over to Dean, raising an eyebrow in suspicion. “Are you joking? We literally talked for like ten minutes.”

Dean bit his lip and looked down. No, he wasn’t joking. He wished he was though. Not only did he have sex with a man, but he couldn’t even remember it, or anything past the first hour of arriving at the frat house for that matter.

“No, man. I was sloshed.” Now or never. “Who was I with? Was I with someone?”

“Um,” Victor paused like he was trying to recount the memory, “yeah actually. I don't know who you came with, but we were in the middle of talking about the game and then some guy came over and dragged you away. I don’t know what happened to you after that. I tried to look for you later, but I was fucked out of my mind, and you were gone.”

“Did he have brown hair? Blue eyes?” Dean wanted to ask if he went willingly, but decided against it. That would be suspicious and this conversation was already taking a turn in a direction Dean didn’t appreciate. Him leaving with a guy. Yeah, let's skip over that.

“I think?” Victor sounded confused, “Did something happen?”

“No!” Dean said defensively. “Just wondering. I honestly can’t remember much of anything from that party...fucking frats.” Dean shook his head and added, “Woke up in the room of a very beautiful lady though, so I guess it all worked out,” just to be safe.

“Hell yeah, man. Good for you.” Victor clapped Dean on the back and left the bench to go back to his locker.

Dean sighed in relief.

Victor didn’t know.

No one knew but Charlie, he had to keep reminding himself.

Man this game was going to suck.

And to no one’s surprise, it did.

It was the fourth quarter and the score was 27-42.

Take a guess on which team had twenty on their side of the scoreboard.

Dean spit out the mouth guard attached to his helmet and took the damn thing off.

God, he was sweating like crazy.

They started playing during the hottest hours of the day. Some of their games would be night ones, something that the university hadn’t done before. Dean didn’t really know why they were changing it up this year, but he wasn’t complaining. It would be later. Cooler. Easier.

He ran a hand through his wet matted hair and jogged over to the circle formed by the on field players. One of the athletic trainers handed Dean a water bottle and he sprayed it on his face before taking a sip.

They were down to their last time out, and honestly, Dean was glad. He was sick of hearing Bobby tell Walker to block for him and watch the guy do the exact opposite when the other team’s linebacker tackles Dean to the ground play after play.

He was starting to get really pissed off.

Walker had to block fifty-eight in order for Dean to get the ball past him and down the field.

It was not that hard of a thing to do. Walker had to block one man. One man who wasn’t even that much bigger than him.

Of course, Dean had to worry about the rest of the D-line, but fifty-eight was really handing it to him.

He was agitated.

The huddle broke and Dean lined up in position, waiting for the ball to be handed to him and for Walker to once again, be anywhere but protecting Dean from getting knocked on his ass. Waiting for his pants to be covered in even more grass and dirt stains than they already were.

But the hand-off was perfect. Like it usually was. Dean and Young had always worked surprisingly well together.

And what was this? Walker actually holding back fifty-eight?

Dean grinned and took off.

Once he slipped past most of the blocking line he felt that rush of adrenaline he’d been waiting to feel the entire game. Sure he scored in the second quarter, but it was a lousy run that was basically handed to him because the defense was screwed the second they began the play.

The wind hit Dean’s face through his helmet and he felt himself smile big.

He was going to reach the end zone. He knew it.

Just a few more yards.

Dean didn’t dare to look back.

And score!

He did it.

There was only a minute left in the game, but Dean was proud to know he had put the last six points up on the scoreboard.

He says the last six because his team never really scored in the ending minutes. That was one of their faults. They were quick to give up.

So they ended up losing, but it didn’t matter. Dean knew he played well enough and he was going to get drunk with his friends after this.

And his dad was on a trip for work, so it wasn’t like the man was there to hound Dean for losing. He’d probably get a call later, but that didn’t matter. Not now.

Dean was a little upset though. Because no John meant no Sam. Sammy wasn’t allowed to drive out on his own to see Dean play. Well, you win some you lose some.

The team had their little huddle and walked back to the locker room, some looking defeated, others happy that they didn’t lose too badly.

Everyone knew their place in the league. Their team was okay. Not good. Not bad.

Dean talked with a few guys and got a few pats on the back. He showered and said his goodbyes to Bobby, turning down the invitation to go out with the team to an on campus bar (that didn’t ask for ID if you slipped them a five).

Dean had promised he’d do D and G night. He couldn’t bail on tradition.

So Dean grabbed his bag and walked out of the locker room doors.

Charlie had told him to meet her in front of the bathroom’s near the stadium entrance.

A week ago the girl had mentioned someone named Gabe who she’d met in one of her classes.

Apparently she invited him to D and G tonight.

Which was fine. Dean always enjoyed when new people joined their little group. He liked making friends.

He walked through a few crowds, people greeting players or just standing around in the middle of the stadium for some reason.

Dean spotted Charlie leaning against the wall, talking to some short guy. A blond man was standing next him and-

What. The. Fuck.

Oh this was bad.

Mystery Man was staring at the floor, standing awkwardly and not contributing anything to the conversation going on between the three others.

There is no way this was real life.

Dean very noticeably halted in his steps.

He was far enough away that they didn’t notice him yet.

He could turn around now and make up some excuse as to why he bailed. Sure, D and G was being held at his apartment, but he could shut himself up in his room and fake sick.

Or he could be a man, face the group and act oblivious.

He tightened the strings of his hoodie, hopeful that they covered most of the bruises on his neck.

Dean could feel his face flush, this was so embarrassing.

“Dean!” Charlie called once she had finally noticed him walking over.

Dean kept his head up. He was mature. He could act normal.

“Hey,” he said slowly and shot Charlie finger guns.

Screw this. What was he doing?

“Good job, Dean-o.” The short guy clapped him on the shoulder once he made it over to the group.

Dean didn’t dare look at Mystery Man.

“Thanks, uh…” Dean trailed off and waited for the guy to interject.

“Gabriel.” Dean awkwardly shook his hand and gave him a tight lipped smile.

“I’m Balthazar,” the man standing next to Gabriel said, his words laced with an accent. He also stuck his hand out, so Dean shook it and gave another forced smile. He’d never really shook hands as a greeting with people his age. These guys were...different.

Dean put on a brave face and looked over at Mystery Man, who was looking at him with an expression somewhere between 'what the fuck' and 'I’m totally okay right now.'

“Castiel,” Mystery Man spoke. And yes Dean had heard the guy talk, but he had suspected the deep drawl had been his voice darkened by sleep. He was wrong. Apparently Castiel, or whatever the hell he said, just sounded like that.

Dean noticed Castiel lift his hand just the tiniest bit from his side, like he was going to shake Dean’s hand too. He seemed to decide against it though, because he dropped it before it made it past his thigh.

Dean just nodded, muttering a “nice to meet you” and continued to stare. Castiel was an attractive guy, he could admit. That didn’t make him gay though. A man could objectively think another man was hot. It wasn’t a crime.

Dean hadn’t really gotten a good look at Castiel when he had woken up, obviously too freaked - he was still freaked - to put much thought into anything other than his escape. But he took the time to look at him now.

The others had started up conversation again. He could take his time, especially since Castiel was no longer looking at him. Now enthralled with whatever shit Charlie was hand motioning about.

Castiel’s hair was much like his voice. The same. The same way it had been when he’d woken up. Disheveled. Some pieces sticking up while others remained slacked to his head. It was brown. Darker than it had been yesterday, because the sun was no longer shining its golden light on it. Castiel was a little pale and his cheeks were red, a burn peeling on his nose. He was dressed in jeans that looked a little too big on him, a KU sweatshirt hung from his wiry frame. Castiel must be shorter than Dean, but not by a lot. Dean honestly couldn’t tell. They weren’t standing close enough for him to get the full picture. The guy’s mouth was chapped and full, and now Dean was feeling a little sick because-

Because he had kissed that mouth. Probably. Maybe.

No. He didn’t do that, he decided.

And he definitely needed to stop looking at Castiel. Panic was slowly rising in his chest. He was fine. No one knew and he wasn’t gay. So it didn’t matter.

He glanced over at Charlie to find her eye’s already on him. “Dean?” She asked.

“Yeah, what?” He scooted closer to her so he wasn’t standing directly in front of Mystery Man. No. Castiel.

“I asked if you were ready to go. Can we still come over now or do you need a couple minutes to get things in order?”

“I uh,” Dean began, swallowing down some of the anxiety obviously creeping into his voice, “you can come now I guess. The place was clean when I left and Benny stayed behind to get things in order and do some paper, so it should be good to go.”

Charlie literally squealed, clapping her hands together twice. “And I know you said Gabe could come, but would it be alright if Balthazar and Castiel came-” Charlie cut herself off, “I probably shouldn’t ask if they can come in front of them. Wow, this is kind of awkward now-”

“It’s fine.” Dean said, saving the girl from embarrassing herself even more. “They can come. The more the merrier.”

Who even says that?

Dean apparently.

“Who’s all gonna be there?” Balthazar finally spoke for what felt like the first time.

“Me, my roommate Benny, Charlie obviously.” Dean counted on his fingers, “Jo, Bela, Ash, maybe Meg. Hopefully not though. Pam, and…” He paused. “I think that’s all. Wait, actually I think Garth is coming too.”

“I thought you didn’t invite Meg?” Charlie gave Dean a suspicious look.

“Jo may have accidentally mentioned it in front of her. She texted me yesterday to say that she’d try her best to make it.”

“Well if she does show up, I hope she doesn't pregame again. All we need is a repeat of last year.” Charlie shook her head and Dean could see Castiel giving her a curious glance out of the corner of his eye.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who is Meg and why is her name talked of with such disdain?” Castiel’s voice wavered, uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if he should speak or not.

“Charlie invited Meg to D and G last year because they met at some weird club Charlie joined-”

“Cartoon club is not weird.” Charlie glared at Dean.

“Whatever.” The man waved her off. “So Charlie invites her. She shows up at my house, already off her ass. Which was fine. No judgement. She was nice enough. Made a lot of interesting jokes, but she wasn’t rude or anything. The night is going fine. But the next thing I know, there are about fifty people banging on my door. This girl invited her whole sorority and a couple others over. They literally stormed in and fucked me and Benny’s shit up. Someone called the police and everything.” Dean explained and everyone shook their heads in understanding.

It was strange. How easy this was. Dean wasn’t freaking out as much as he thought. He was strangely calm, or more calm than he had been mere minutes ago. No one knew he had slept with a man, and it’s not like Castiel was shouting it from the rooftops. He could do this. He was doing this. And he was doing a damn good job, thank you very much.

“Not trying to rush anything here, but can we go? My feet are really starting to hurt.” Gabe complained and bent down to start taking his shoes off.

“Do you ever stop complaining?” Balthazar pushed Gabe lightly where he was crouched down, the man lost his balance for a second, but quickly recovered.

Castiel huffed in what Dean could assume to be disappointment, “I told you not to wear those shoes. They were too small when you bought them. I have no idea why you believed they would grow from a couple hours of sitting.”

“Whatever, Cassie. Always the worrier of the family. Dad was right when he gave you the-”

“Shut up, Gabriel.” Castiel had said at the same time Dean had asked: “You guys are related?”

“Oh yes, Dean-o.” Gabe replied with a smirk. “Cassie is my baby bro.”

Dean nodded at this information. They didn’t really look alike, but people often told him that he and Sam didn’t either. “Are you a senior then?” Dean asked Gabe.

“Yes.”

“And Cas you’re a junior?” Dean turned to the brown haired man. He looked surprised, either from being once again acknowledged by Dean in a relatively normal fashion or because Dean’s stupid mouth had just given him a nickname.

Castiel shook his head. “No, I am a senior as well. Gabriel is three years older than me, but he didn’t know what he wanted to do in life-”

“Still don’t.” Gabe said.

“-so he took some time off and ended up enrolling when I did.”

“Cool.” Yet another great response from Dean Winchester. Let’s give him a round of applause.

So Cas was a year above him. And here we go again with the nickname. What was wrong with him today?

“This experience has been beautiful, truly. But can we please get going. They’re probably going to lock us inside if we wait here any longer.” Gabe’s shoes were now dangling in the air by their laces, which were tied around the man’s wrist in a messy bow.

“Yes, let’s go.” Charlie began to walk away but stopped and turned over her shoulder.

“How did you guys get here? You have a car on campus?” Charlie asked the three men trailing behind her.

“Yeah about that,” Gabe spoke up, “we rode the student bus. I didn’t know we were going to Dean’s right after the game.”

Charlie looked over at Dean expectedly and he sighed. “Okay. You all can ride in Baby, but there are rules. Don’t complain about my music. Don’t put your feet on the seat in any way, shape, or form. And last but not least. Do not insult her in front of me. It should be, don't insult her at all, but I can’t really control what you do behind closed doors.”

“Alright…” Balthazar looked at Dean like he was crazy. Maybe he was, but he didn’t care. His car meant the world to him.

All five of them walked to Dean’s car without saying a word. They reached the parking lot and Gabe yelled, “Wow this thing is cool as hell!”

“She, Gabriel. The car is a she.” Castiel said quietly, like Dean wasn’t supposed to hear him.

“Thank you, Cas.” Shut up Dean. “You’re my type of man.” Seriously, what the fuck was he doing?

The comment thankfully went ignored as they piled in Baby.

Dean slid into the front and noticed that Charlie had squeezed herself into the back seat along with Gabriel and Balthazar. Castiel was standing completely still outside of the passenger side door.

Don’t be awkward. “The door won’t bite, man. Get in.”

Castiel did.

Everything was going to be fine.

Dean turned up the music and drove.

Chapter Text

Castiel noticed the hickeys on Dean the second he walked over. He could see them more clearly now that he was closer to the man, only separated by a couple inches of car seat.

Dean appeared to be calm, which was the exact opposite of how the man had acted yesterday.

Yesterday. The incident had only been yesterday and they were already thrown back into each other’s orbits.

Castiel didn’t know what he did to piss off God, but he hoped this was punishment enough for whatever terrible sin he had committed.

Castiel didn’t know what to think. He knew deep down that Dean was probably scared right now, and that made Castiel feel shitty. He didn’t do anything wrong, but still, he could practically feel the tension radiating off of the man in waves. Yes, Dean seemed fine, but if Castiel had to go off of the only other interaction they had, he’d say Dean was the complete opposite.

So Castiel wouldn’t bring it up. Not that he’d know what to say. He was going to act normal, because that’s clearly what Dean wanted. Did Castiel want to know what Dean remembered from that night, if anything? Yes he did. But Dean clearly wasn’t in any position to engage with that right now. So Castiel would let it go.

It wasn’t that long of a drive to Dean’s apartment. It wasn’t provided by the university. If Castiel had to guess, he’d say it was around a ten minute drive to campus. Not bad at all.

“And here she is.” Dean got out of the car and shut the door, gesturing to the building complex.

Castiel took note of the way Dean referred to inanimate objects as she.

Once they had trudged the stairs to the second floor, Dean had made them wait outside while he checked that, and Castiel quotes, “Benny wasn’t walking around in his underwear again.”

Charlie thanked Dean with earnestness and the man slipped inside the door.

“I now realize that I didn’t really ask you guys if you even wanted to come,” Charlie was now turned toward Castiel and Balthazar, “I’m sorry.”

Balthazar waved her off. “Trust me, if we didn’t want to be here, we wouldn’t be.”

“Okay,” the worry lines on Charlie’s face disappeared, “that’s good to know.”

Dean opened the door and ushered them inside.

The place was actually quite nice. Not that Castiel was expecting anything less than. But they were in college after all, a crappy apartment was part of the experience.

There was a pile of shoes by the door and a coat rack hanging from the wall at the entrance. The walls were an off-white.

Everyone slipped off their shoes (except Gabriel, whose were already off), because Benny had apparently just vacuumed the hardwood flooring.

The living room consisted of a larger couch and an armchair, which both sat in front of the TV placed on the wooden mantel. The kitchen was off to the right. A fridge, countertop, small table, all the basic appliances.

Castiel noticed three shut doors off to the left of the big open room. He suspected them to be the two bedrooms and bathroom.

Yes, Castiel decided, the place was nice.

A backwards hat wearing man came out of one of the rooms, plastic crate in hand.

“Sorry about that,” an accent, “just had to grab a few things.” The man stopped in front of the group who were now scattered around the kitchen. “I’m Benny.”

“Well darling,” Gabriel was attempting to copy Benny’s accent, “what do we have here.”

Castiel facepalmed as Gabriel took the crate from Benny’s hands, setting it on the counter and beginning to pull out bottles.

“Gabriel, don’t be rude.” Castiel sighed, “My name is Castiel.”

Benny nodded and gave Castiel a once over, “And what were you named after? Some type of storybook character?” Maybe the statement should have offended Castiel, they did just meet and the man was making fun of his name. But Castiel didn’t care, the question wasn’t said with any bite.

“No, no story book character. Unless you would refer to biblical texts as such. I was roughly named after an angel.” Castiel told Benny.

“Figures,” someone muttered from behind them. Castiel ignored it.

“I’m Balthazar,” the blond walked over to Benny and shook his hand. The man raised an eyebrow at this.

“And I’m Gabe!” Gabriel called out from where he was now rummaging through the cabinets with Dean.

A knock.

“I’ll get it,” Charlie said as she rushed over to the door.

“Cas, what do you want?” Dean said and motioned Castiel over to him.

“What?” Was Dean addressing Castiel once again, in a relatively normal fashion?

“To drink. What do you want to drink?” Dean looked a little flustered now. That stoic face he had pulled on the dive long gone.

“Oh, of course. Do you have rum?” Castiel asked.

“Cassie, please tell me you’re not having rum and coke again. Branch out. It’s embarrassing to be related to you.” Gabriel bumped his side into Castiel as he walked away into the living room where Charlie and Benny were talking to whoever had knocked prior.

“We have rum and coke. If that’s what you want. No judgement.” Dean laughed, looking normal and relaxed once again.

This boy was confusing him.

“Yes.” Castiel nodded.

Balthazar walked over to Dean and asked if they had any wine. Dean laughed in his face and handed him a beer.

“Here you are,” Dean handed Castiel his drink in a red solo cup.

“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel suddenly flushed. It was just the man’s name. He didn’t know why it felt like he had just said something profound.

“Uh- yeah. Good. I- actually, I-” Dean started. His nervousness creeping back in, “I need to-”

“Dean!” A feminine voice.

Dean turned, “Meg. You uh, made it.”

“Of course I did. Think I’d miss a chance at seeing your face. And his.” Meg pointed to Castiel.

Meg. The girl was pretty, Castiel could admit. He had always thought women were beautiful, but he never found himself attracted to them emotionally. He didn’t know what that said about him. He also knew he probably liked men, he wasn’t stupid, but he’d never really had the opportunity to be in a relationship. He was homeschooled and didn’t get out much. But Castiel was fine with that. Really, he was.

“You didn’t even know he was going to be here,” Dean rolled his eyes and dug through the crate for a bottle.

“Yes, but now I’m glad I came.” Meg walked over to Castiel. “I’m Meg.”

“I’m Castiel.”

“Cute name, matches your cute face.” Meg smiled and looked at him like she was going to lunge.

“Meg, stop. Leave him alone.” Dean said as he handed the dark haired girl her drink.

“You’re no fun. Do you want me to stop, Clarence?” Meg smirked and took a sip from her cup.

“My name is Castiel. But I don’t, I don’t…” Castiel trailed off.

“See?” Dean pointed out. “You’re making him uncomfortable. Come on, Cas.” Dean grabbed Castiel by the wrist and pulled him over to the living room.

“Oh so you can have your nicknames, but I can’t have mine? Talk about inequality.” Meg muttered as she followed behind them.

There were a couple new faces scattered in the living room.

Charlie and Gabriel were squished together on the pullout chair. Benny and Balthazar were sitting on the couch next to a blonde girl, who was braiding the hair of another girl with darker hair.

Dean introduced Castiel to the two newcomers. Jo and Pam.

A man named Garth showed up seconds later, Ash and Bela rolled in shortly after that.

Once everyone had got their drinks - some people were already a couple in (Meg) - they all sat in a circle on the living room floor.

Castiel had never been to a highschool party, but he had a feeling this is what it was probably like.

Truth or Drink, rules were simple. Kinda. Tell the truth or drink your alcohol, but there was a twist, of course. Not only did you have to drink, but you had to do a dare that the person who delivered the question gave you.

“Okay, I’ll go first!” Jo said. She sat to Castiel’s right, Charlie was on his left. The two girl’s had practically boxed Castiel in with how eager they were to sit next to him.

“All right. Who to choose, who to choose…” Jo’s eyes narrowed as she scanned the circle. “Garth!” She yelled and pointed to the man with the neck of her beer bottle.

Garth sat up straight, his eyes widened slightly. “Why did things end with Hannah?”

“Oh shit,” Ash said as Charlie burst out laughing

“Jo.” Garth crossed his arms. “You couldn’t have started with a lighter question?”

“Not the point of the game, buddy.” Dean said. He wasn’t exactly across from Castiel, a little to his right, but not so far that he couldn’t see the man.

“Fine. You really want to know? She’s moving to Ireland after she graduates. We were never going to work, her words, not mine.” Garth looked at his drink and despite answering the question, took a sip anyway.

“Well…this got depressing.” Gabriel said. Castiel shot him what felt like the one-hundredth glare of the night.

“That sucks, man.” Dean clapped Garth on the back and they moved on.

Benny ended up having to do a strip tease in the middle of the circle because he didn’t answer his truth. Apparently Charlie really wanted to get with this girl named Dorthey, who was president of one of the clubs she was in. And Castiel learned way too much about his brother in the last hour than he’d ever like to know.

“Cassie! Your turn.” Gabriel said with excitement.

“Okay.” Castiel tried to keep a straight face. He could literally feel his stomach flipping with nerves.

“If you could lose your v-card to anyone in this circle, who would it be?”

That smug bastard.

Did he know?

Gabriel couldn’t have, but maybe…

“Uh, no. I-” Castiel began to deny playing into the question.

Give him a dare. He’ll do the dare.

“You’re a virgin?” Meg asked, her smile a little too friendly.

“No, well I-” cut off again.

“What?” Gabriel looked honest to God, shocked. “You had sex and didn’t tell me?”

“Please tell me it wasn’t in our apartment.” Balthazar sighed.

Castiel didn’t dare look at Dean. “I’m not answering any of those questions. Give me a dare.” He bit out the words harshly, but he didn’t care, he was so embarrassed. He wanted to go home.

“Fine, we’re not finished here though.” A smirk made its way to Gabriel’s face. “I dare you to participate in a little game of seven minutes in heaven with the guy of my choosing.”

Dean's voice was quiet. "You mean girl."

Garbiel must have heard. "No. I always say what I mean."

“You’re gay?” It was Charlie who asked him this, loud enough so all eyes were on him.

Gabriel didn’t do anything wrong. It wasn't exactly the truth because in all honesty, Castiel didn't know what he was. But he was out. Out-ish. It was confusing. He didn’t really care who knew, but now there was the strange feeling of humiliation causing his cheeks to heat up. He didn’t know why everything was bothering him so much all of the sudden.

“I guess,” Castiel looked at the ground.

“Okay. Let me think.” Gabriel scratched at his head dramatically and snapped his fingers. “Oh I know, Dean.”

Now Castiel was freaking out. “What-”

“Dean’s straight.” Bela said, cutting off whatever crap was about to spew from Castiel’s mouth.

“Yeah, I am.” Dean finally spoke. “But we won’t do anything, it’s whatever.” He shrugged and stood up. To everyone else, he probably looked unfazed. But Castiel saw the same scared look in his eyes he had seen when they’d woken up in the same bed.

Castiel didn’t say anything. He shot Gabriel a dark glare and followed Dean to-

To his bedroom.

Dean shut the door, not bothering to turn on the lights. The sun had set a while ago, but it was light enough that Castiel could make out Dean’s face and the silhouette of his bed, desk, and dresser.

“Don’t get any ideas.” Dean said defensively.

Castiel could see right through him. “I wouldn’t dare. You said so yourself, you are straight. And I, am not interested.”

“Good.” Dean stood still, back against the door like he was trying to trap Castiel in.

“Sit on the bed.” Castiel tilted his head in confusion at Dean’s words. “No, not like that- just sit so I can explain some things to you.”

He sat and Dean went on. “I don’t know what happened that night, but it was a mistake. I’m not like that. I would never do that.” The shadow reflecting on the door shook its head. “My- I don’t want anyone to know. Don’t tell anyone or I swear I’ll, I will…”

“What will you do, Dean?” Castiel didn’t mean for it to sound patronizing, he was genuinely trying to help Dean get out what he was trying to say. Dean looked angry now. Castiel was told he’d never been great social interaction.

“Shut up! I’ll kill you.” Dean said loudly, not loud enough for anyone to hear unless their ear was to the door. Which, knowing Gabriel, maybe they’d have to be quieter.

“No you won’t.” Castiel cut Dean off when the man began to open his mouth to reply. “I was not planning on telling anyone, so don’t worry. You can trust me.”

“Well, I don’t.” Dean crossed his arms and slid to the floor.

Castiel looked down at him. The streetlamp's glow danced across Dean's face, now noticeable tear streaks shining in the yellow light.

“I can’t remember what happened either. You have to believe me, Dean. If you think that I somehow coerced you into-”

“I don’t think that. I may not trust you, but I don’t think that. For some reason.”

Castiel sighed in relief and slid off the bed to sit cross legged in front of Dean. They were a couple feet apart. A safe distance. “That was actually one of the only parties I have ever been to. Gabriel made me go. ‘Manipulated me’ would suit that statement better. I know he was with me for a while, we did shots, I think?” He couldn’t remember. “Actually, can I ask you something?” Dean looked over to him at this.

Nothing.

“Well ask.” Dean wiped his tears, which didn’t do much because more just followed where the previous ones had rested.

“This is kind of uncomfortable. I am sorry, but I want to know. I want to know if I'm still a-” Castiel prepared himself. “I- well, I found a jar of vaseline and my fingers were um, and my-”

“Shut the fuck up! Shut up!” Dean actually covered his ears. He wasn’t doing it to be petty, Castiel quickly realized, he was seriously trying to block out the words.

Once Dean noticed Castiel had stopped talking, he put a hand up to his mouth, muted crying quickly turning into sobbing.

Dean shook his head. “We didn’t,” he said and repeated multiple times over.

“Okay. You’re right, Dean. You’re right. I’m being stupid.” Castiel didn’t really know what to do, so he scooted closer to Dean. The man finally looked at him. “Nothing happened. It’s okay.”

“It’s not!” Dean got up from the floor, his now very noticeable tipsiness shining though. His pacing was jagged, the hand fisting his sweatshirt shaking.

“My dad-” Dean’s voice broke and his breathing began to quicken more than it already was. “My dad. He’s going to kill me. He’s going to-”

“He doesn’t know, right?” Castiel quickly interjected. “It’s okay, Dean. He doesn’t know.”

“He knows I’m off. He knows.” Dean muttered, continuing to pace.

Castiel was frightened. That’s the only way he could describe this feeling. He didn’t know Dean. He couldn’t console him. He always sucked at helping people. He didn’t know what to do. The man in front of him was clearly having a panic attack, and Castiel, being useless, could do nothing but sit frozen to the floor.

“I’m not gay, Cas. You gotta believe me.” Dean said, finally coming to a stop, back turned so his face was hidden. Dean was begging. Honestly begging. Looking for reassurance.

“I know, Dean. I know you’re not. It didn’t happen, like you said-”

“But it did! You, you and me, we- you put your d-” Dean cried out again, cutting himself off, now fisting his hair.

Castiel’s earlier question was now confirmed. If he had known it would send Dean in a spiral, he would have never asked it. Never.

Castiel now got up from the floor, his legs finally working. “Then it was a mistake. You know that. It will never happen again. It’s in the past, okay? You know you’re straight. I know it. Everyone knows it. It’s alright.” Castiel assured, knowing that Dean’s straightness seemed to be a big part of this problem.

“But-” Dean was cut off by the door opening. Bright light now washed away all of the shadows in the room.

“Seven minutes is up, you two have some fun in-” Castiel pushed Gabriel out of the room and shut the door.

“Dean, I can go get Benny-”

“No!” Dean yelled.

Castiel nodded even though Dean couldn’t see it. “I can see that I am only making things worse. I can go get someone for you. I won’t make it a big deal, either. I’ll say you threw up or something.”

“Charlie,” Dean choked out, “get Charlie.”

“I will.” Castiel opened the door just a crack and slipped through. It seemed Gabriel had the decency to sit back in the circle.

“Charlie. Dean is asking for you.” Castiel said. Nine heads turned to look at him.

“You get some action, Cassie?” Gabriel asked, clearly not being able to read the room.

Castiel ignored him. “Is he okay?” Charlie asked, standing up immediately. Even though Castiel didn’t know Dean all that well, he was thankful that the man had this girl in his life. He had never seen a face more full of genuine concern.

“Yes. He’s fine. He just threw up and thought you’d be the least grossed out by it.” Castiel lied. He hoped the group would buy it.

Apparently Castiel was believable. “That’s true. Remember when Jo-”

“Now’s not the time, Garth.” Charlie said as she rushed to the bedroom door. She opened it, slammed it a little too hard, and Castiel swore he heard the click of a lock.

He should go home.

Chapter Text

From the time Castiel left the room to go grab Charlie, Dean had made his way to the floor. He sat there. Rocking back and forth.

He kept having to remind himself that no one knew. But he felt guilty. Wrong. His dad was going to find out. He was going to see him at the next game, and he was going to know.

“Dean.” Charlie’s voice was soft. She shut the door and locked it, the loud noise made Dean jump. He was pathetic.

“Hey, Dean. You’re going to be okay.” The red haired girl walked slowly over to the man and sat down in front of him.

He didn’t speak.

“Castiel said you threw up, but I’m guessing that was a lie. I shouldn’t have let you come in here. I’m sorry.” Charlie spoke to him the way he figured a mother would speak to their newborn baby. He didn’t want to be talked to like a child.

“Why? You think I was gonna let him fuck me again?” Dean spit crudely, tipsy enough to let the words slip freely. He couldn’t stop himself. Deep down he understood that Charlie was only trying to help him, but he didn’t need help. He didn’t. He was sick of feeling small and defenseless.

“No. No I didn’t-” Charlie cut herself off. Dean didn’t look at her, he was afraid of the expression he might find. “Dean, did you and Castiel-”

“Stop.” He yelled, startled with how loud his voice was. His ears were ringing.

“Nothing happened. I shouldn’t have told you.” Dean fisted his hair, pulling enough to feel the slight burn of pain at his scalp. Charlie sat in front of him and grabbed his hand, tugging it away from his head. He didn’t have much fight left in him. Dean let her take his hand in hers.

“Okay. What do you need from me?” This was the wrong thing to say.

“Nothing, Charlie. I don’t need you.” Dean yanked his hand out of Charlie’s grip and stood up.

He wiped his tears with the sleeve of his hoodie, taking the damn thing off when he noticed snot lines on the blue fabric. Dean tossed it to the floor and pulled his t-shirt down where it had rode up.

“Don’t tell anyone about this.” Dean opened his bedroom door. He noticed everyone was still circled up. Including Castiel. It appeared that they had continued playing. Dean was grateful.

Charlie came out of the room to stand next to him. “All good,” she smiled weakly and brushed his arm as she passed him to sit back down.

Dean plopped down next to Benny. He didn’t care that they all could most likely tell he had been crying. He already knew he was weak. And he was tired, so tired. He just wanted everyone to leave so he could sleep.

“So…” Gabe clapped his hands together. Man, he talked a lot. “Should we play a new game?”

Was the guy trying to help Dean out? Did Cas tell him what happened? He promised. He promised he-

“Whatever,” Dean shook his head and motioned to get Benny’s attention, “hand me a beer.”

Benny reached out to give Dean the pack that sat on the coffee table behind him, but he paused halfway. “Dean, maybe-”

“I don’t need this right now.” Dean grabbed the case and took one, cracking it open and taking a sip.

Benny was always over dramatic. Thinking he had the right to tell Dean what to do. Fuck him.

“Anyone want to play Life?” Pam asked weakly. Balthazar let out an audible sound of disapproval.

They played Life anyway.

A couple hours later, Dean found himself lying on the couch, head hanging off the cushion. He was watching Meg and Castiel play twister. He knew Ash was currently passed out on the armchair, but he wasn’t really sure where everyone else went. He could hear their voices. Kind of. Everything was a little muffled. Hazy.

“Right…Meg. Right foot, yellow.” Castiel said. The girl, clearly drunk, got her leg caught on one of Castiel’s.

“Clarence, you’re cheating!” Meg laughed and pushed at Castiel’s shoulder. Their limbs were slightly tangled and the guy ended up falling backwards flat on his butt.

Dean let out a small laugh.

“What?” Meg turned her attention to Dean. Her smile was telling him something, but he didn’t know what.
“Something funny?”

Dean grinned, not being able to form words. Castiel looked over to Dean then, his eyes lighting up, almost like he just noticed Dean was there. But the man had been watching him and Meg play for about twenty minutes.

“Hello, Dean.” Castiel beamed. He hadn’t seen him smile as wide as he was now. Dean liked it.

Castiel crawled over to the couch clumsily and fit himself in between it and the coffee table, completely forgetting about Meg.

Good, Dean thought. Cas was gay anyway. He certainly wasn’t interested in Meg.

“Hi,” Dean slurred out once Castiel reached him, “you’re up- upside down.”

“Yes.” Castiel nodded, blinking slowly. “Your head is hanging off of the couch.”

Dean couldn’t help it, he smiled.

“I’ll help you.” Castiel reached his hand out, his fingers brushed through Dean’s hair. This was wrong in some way, Dean was sure of it. There was something not right about this interaction. He was too out of it to pull away though.

“Blood,” Castiel cradled the back of Dean’s head with his hand and pushed it fully onto the couch cushion, “your blood’s probably rushin’ to your head. Dizzy?” Castiel’s speech was also drawn out, vowels stretched.

“Yeah,” Dean replied as he looked up at the ceiling. The room was spinning.

Dean tried to sit up when he suddenly felt something on his forehead. He looked over to see Castiel’s arm resting on the couch, his face closer now. Castiel’s hand on his head, and it was ice cold.

“No, Dean.” Castiel hushed and pushed him back down onto the couch. “You’re hot.”

Dean turned his head more to the side and tried to wink. With both eyes. “Mhm. Thanks, Cas.”

Castiel squinted his eyes, which were really blue. “I’m confused.”

“S’okay. Me too” The drunk man rested his palm on top of Castiel’s. “Keep your hand there. ‘M sweating.”

“Okay,” Castiel’s voice was heavier now. Dean felt the cushion under his head dip with added weight, he didn’t feel like investigating though. His eyes were heavy. He wanted to sleep.

It didn’t take long. He closed his eyes and drifted with the feeling of Castiel’s hand on his forehead.

When Dean woke, it was sudden. He opened his eyes and physically recoiled from the bright light of morning.

He felt pressure. Something wrapped around his arm, which was laying over his chest. Dean looked down and saw a hand loosely clutching onto his wrist. He turned his head to the floor and noticed Castiel curled in on himself, mouth slightly open and breathing deeply.

Why did this keep happening?

Dean shrugged the guy off, Castiel’s hand hit the floor with a plop.

Dean sat up slowly. He felt like shit. I guess that’s what you get for heavily drinking two nights in a row. He should be used to it by now, though.

“Hey, man. You’re finally up.” Dean looked over to see Benny sitting at the kitchen table. A not so subtle smirk on his face.

“What’s got you smiling?” Dean grumbled out and wiped his eyes.

“Oh nothing,” Benny sighed and took a bite of whatever was on his plate. Eggs? Pancakes? Something yellowish.

“Found your phone in the cabinet when I was making coffee. You have a couple missed calls. Thought you should know.” Benny got up from the table, walked a few feet, and chucked Dean’s phone at him.

“Ow,” Dean hissed when the device hit him in the side of the head.

Benny shrugged and sat back at the table, continuing to eat his eggs-pancake-whatever.

Dean’s heart sped up when he read his call list.

Three missed calls from John. Two from Sam.

Something happened.

Dean dialed his dad and waited for the man to pick up.

“Dean.” John’s voice was rugged. The call had probably woken him up.

“Dad. I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your call. I lost my phone, just found it and called you as soon-”

“Slow down, boy. And quit your bitchin’. I called to talk about the game, you can take a damn breath.” Dean could hear shuffling on John’s end, like he was getting up from his bed.

“Okay. Sorry, sir.”

“Well?” John sounded irritated now.

“Oh, right.” Dean cringed at the loud tone of his voice. “The game. I know we didn’t win, but I thought I did okay. Got two touchdowns, which I know is not that good, but the team we were up against had a strong defense.”

“You’re right. You did okay. Not great, but at least you put some points on that board. But listen to me Dean, don’t start making excuses of why you can’t score. So what if they had a good defense? You should be good enough to get past it. You understand?” John asked.

“Yes, I understand.” Dean’s eyes made their way to Benny. The guy was pretending to not pay attention, but Dean knew better.

“Good. Talk to you later.”

“Bye, Da-” John hung up.

Dean then noticed he had a couple texts from Sam. They just talked about how sad he was that he had to miss the game, and that he’d be there next week. Dean reassured him it was fine and asked if that’s why he called.

It was only 6:42. Dean knew the kid wasn’t up for school yet, no point in waking him.

“Jo, Bela, and Charlie went home last night at like two. Charlie was sober, don’t worry. One of Meg’s sorority sisters, or whatever, came to get her. Pam and Garth left right before you woke up, and everyone else is here.” Benny said as he got up and put his dishes in the sink.

Dean nodded in response and looked around the room. Ash was still passed out in the armchair. There were two feet sticking out from behind the couch. Dean couldn’t see the rest of the body, but judging by the duck socks, he knew it was Gabe. Looking back at the floor, and yes, Castiel was still lying there. Curled up, but now he was facing away from Dean, head slightly underneath the coffee table.

“Where’s Balthazar?” Dean asked Benny.

The man walked over to the couch and swatted Dean’s feet away. Benny sat down and grabbed the remote on the coffee table.

“He said he couldn’t sleep if it wasn’t in a bed, so I told him to take mine.” Benny turned on a random channel, making sure the volume was on low. “You think your boy is gonna get up anytime soon?”

Huh?

Apparently, Benny could clearly see Dean’s confusion. The guy looked down and Dean followed his gaze to Castiel.

Oh no. Did he say something last night?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean’s voice was a couple pitches higher.

“Uh. I’m just asking if you know if he sleeps in late? I know Ash wakes pretty early, but I don’t know about Gabe or Balthazar. And you’d probably know about Castiel because he’s your friend.” Benny explained and was now looking at Dean like the guy was an idiot.

“Right,” relief, “he’s not my friend. I only met him yesterday. How would I know what time he wakes up?”

“Oh. You guys were talking a lot last night so I thought you knew each other pretty well. My bad.” Benny went to stretch his legs but must have forgotten how close Castiel’s slumped form was, kicking the guy by accident.

Castiel sat up abruptly and hit his forehead off of the edge of the table.

“Shit,” Dean swore and Benny began to apologize.

Castiel’s hand shot to his head and he turned to Dean. His blue eyes were wide, slightly glassy.

He was going to cry, and Dean didn’t know how to deal with that.

“It’s okay, Cas.” Dean sat upright and ushered the guy toward him.

Castiel hesitantly scooted closer, and a single tear fell from his left eye. The corners of his mouth were turned down. He still hadn’t said a word or even made a sound of discomfort.

“Let me see.” Dean removed Castiel’s hand from his head and cringed at the sight. He knew he had smacked it off of the sharp edge but was still surprised to see the small gash on Castiel’s pale skin.

“I’m bleeding,” Castiel muttered as he stared at the red liquid on his palm.

“It’s not bad,” Benny told him. It really wasn’t.

Castiel looked at Dean like he wanted him to confirm. “He’s right. It’s not bad, I promise.” Dean got up from the couch. “Come on, man.”

Castiel picked himself up from the floor and followed him to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet lid when Dean closed the door.

Dean squatted and looked through the cabinet, pulling out a small first-aid kit that Benny had bought after Dean got too drunk and fell face first on the pavement his sophomore year.

“Found it,” Dean announced and rummaged through the thing to find a roll of gauze.

“I think you use this to stop bleeding.” Dean said and gently touched it to Castiel’s forehead.

“Well I think you need to apply pressure if you don’t want me to bleed out and die.” Castiel’s tone was what Dean would describe as sassy. This guy was clearly not a morning person. But he couldn’t blame him. His wake up call was literally slamming his head into a table at seven a.m.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Dean laughed lightly and tried to apply more pressure, but Castiel’s head was going backwards with the force of Dean’s hand.

“I’m fine.” Again, sassy.

This wasn’t working. Dean grabbed the back of Castiel’s head with his other hand to keep it in place.

His hair, while messy, was soft.

After a few minutes, Dean took the gauze off. The bleeding had stopped, not that it was bleeding much to begin with, but the man sighed in relief anyway.

He grabbed a washcloth, wet it in the sink, and began to wipe gently at Castiel’s cut.

“Can’t believe I’m doing this shit hungover.” Dean joked.

It clearly didn’t land because Castiel said, “I didn’t ask you to fix me up.”

“I’m kidding.” Dean tossed the cloth in the sink and once again rummaged through the kit, trying to find the right sized bandaid.

“As am I.” Castiel said and rolled his eyes.

Dean didn’t know how to answer that, realizing their sense of humor was clearly different. If he made another joke, it would just make him look stupid.

He found a decent sized bandage and unwrapped it.

“Do you have any Neosporin?” Castiel tilted his head as he regarded Dean.

“Oh. Yeah, sorry.” Once Dean found the tube, he screwed the lid off and squeezed a small amount onto his fingers. He walked over and smeared the stuff onto Castiel’s cut. When he was satisfied, he finally put the bandage on.

“Good as new.” Dean smiled and put the kit back under the sink.

Castiel stood from the toilet. “Thank you, Dean.” He sounded so genuine.

“Uh- yeah. Sure.” Dean didn’t want to stay in this small bathroom much longer. He opened the door and was met with a sleepy looking Balthazar.

“Well, hello.” Said the blond, leaning against the doorframe.

“Balthazar, move.” Castiel pushed past the two men, into the hallway.

“Oh Castiel, ever so pleasant in the morning.” Balthazar looked at Dean then. “I have to piss.”

“Right.”

The sight Dean was met with when he walked into the main entrance of the apartment was interesting, to say the least.

Ash, who was now snoring, had a penis drawn onto his cheek. That was definitely not there before.

Benny was missing, probably back in his room. Dean didn’t blame him.

Gabe was at the stove in the kitchen and Castiel was standing at his side, clearly pissed off.

“Dean-o!” Gabe yelled when he noticed Dean standing there, taking in the scene.

“Uh, what are you making?” Dean walked over to the two brothers.

“An omelette. Hope you don’t mind. I found some cheese and lunchmeat ham in the fridge. Thought I’d cook something up for you all.” Gabe smiled and flipped the egg in the pan. It was now that the light yellow apron tied around his waist was noticed.

“Cute apron, by the way. Where’d you get it? A girlfriend?” Gabe asked.

“Jo bought it for us when we moved in. It was a gag gift. I think.”

Gabe nodded and slid what looked like the second omelette onto a paper plate. “So no girlfriend for you, then?”

What was this guy getting at?

“Correct.” Dean grabbed a plate and began to walk over to the kitchen table.

“That one is Cassie’s.” Gabe took the omelette from Dean’s hand and passed it to Castiel. “See how it’s cut into a square.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at that. “He gets weird with things sometimes. Like today. His OCD is kicking in or whatever.”

Castiel huffed. “Gabriel, we talked about this. It doesn’t just kick in. It’s always there, but some days are worse than others.”

“So what does that mean? You have a thing about organization?” Dean asked, and maybe it sounded stupid, but he was actually curious.

“No, Dean. I don’t have a ‘thing’ about organization.” Air quotes. “It’s not even that bad and I’ve never been good at explaining myself.” Castiel looked at the ground. “All I can really do is give examples. Odd shapes sometimes bother me, so I have to have things cut to look equal. I have to lock my car three times. If light switches are on the same cover, then they all have to be in one direction. I don’t like certain foods, so I can’t touch them or else I’ll basically freak out because I feel like they won’t come off of my hands. I have to say the same prayer every night or I think I’ll die in my sleep. That’s not all of it, but just so you have an idea.”

“Oh,” was all that Dean could say.

“It is honestly not as bad as it sounds. It’s definitely more on the mild side.” Castiel shrugged and walked to the table.

“Mild, he says.” Gabe handed Dean the other plate and pushed him away.

Dean sat down in front of Castiel and ate his breakfast. It was good, he had to admit. Never in a million years would Dean think Gabe would be able to cook anything halfway decent. Maybe this was a sign telling him to stop judging people.

Gabe joined them at the table and denied knowing anything about the penis drawn on Ash’s face. Balthazar was handed his own omelette, but ate it on the couch instead of in the kitchen.

It was strange.

Dean had just met these weird guys yesterday and now they were eating a home cooked meal together. They may as well be holding hands and singing Kumbaya.

Once Ash woke up, he didn’t even question the obnoxious laughter coming from Gabriel and Balthazar. He just held up a peace sign and walked out the front door.

Benny finally joined them to say goodbye to their overnight guests.

Dean wished Castiel on his way last. “See you around.”

Castiel smiled slightly, “Yes. Goodbye, Dean.”

The three men turned and Balthazar opened the door.

“Wait.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s shoulder to turn him around. “Give me your number.”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed.

“So I can contact you next time we have something.” Dean reasoned. “You didn’t give anyone your number, right?”

“We all live together, Dean. You can have my number if you want.” Balthazar suggested.

“Of- of course! I’ll just get all of your numbers.”

The three men passed around Dean’s phone, and Dean finally let them leave the apartment.

Benny cleared his throat loudly, Dean looked at him at that.

“What?” Dean crossed his arms defensively.

Did he know?

“Oh nothing.” Benny said and walked to the bathroom. Dean heard the shower turn on.

Nothing.

Yeah…nothing, my ass.

Chapter Text

On Monday, Castiel had deep cleaned his room after class.

He put on a record and was in the middle of vacuuming when he found the last piece of evidence to officially confirm that what he assumed happened Friday, really did happen.

A condom. Definitely used and definitely not tied, laying in the small space between his bed frame and nightstand.

Castiel could only suspect Dean had been prepared. He probably shoved the thing into his jean’s pocket on the way out of his apartment that night.

That thought made Castiel feel a little crappy about himself. Dean probably went to the party looking for a quick fuck, and he got it.

Castiel had basically been dragged to the frat kicking and screaming. He certainly wasn’t looking for anything. And yet…and yet he lost his virginity to some random man.

It’s true that Castiel didn’t think much about having sex for the first time, but it was still something secretly special to him. He didn’t even realize how bad he felt about the whole situation until he took a shower when he got back from Dean’s, and finally allowed himself to think.

The issue wasn’t Dean himself. From the minimal interactions they had, Castiel knew he was kind and pretty and caring.

What bothered him was the fact that he had sex with someone he didn’t know. He wasn’t in love and it wasn’t special. It was surprising how much Castiel actually cared.

It was just so, so out of character for him.

The man couldn’t wrap his head around it. He’d forget about the incident, and then have a small crisis when reality sunk in again. He was no longer a virgin.

Castiel never really pictured himself with anyone. He had never liked someone enough to pursue anything serious. The farthest he’d ever gotten was kissing, if one would consider a single peck from his neighbor when he was thirteen as such.

It’s not like romance and sex weren’t interesting to him. They were. He’d just never met someone he wanted to experience those things with.

So after a solid week of gathering his thoughts on the matter, his main takeaway was that he was surprised with himself, a little upset that he had sex in the first place, and terribly confused as to why he, nor Dean, couldn’t remember it.

He’d have to get back to that last part.

As most things go, time dragged on slowly. Castiel’s days were long and lonely. Gabriel and Balthazar were social people. They both had a life outside of their shitty three bedroom apartment. Castiel didn’t hold anything against the two men for not inviting him out. They tried enough and it’s not like Castiel said yes most of the time. People had to stop trying eventually, even if Castiel secretly hoped they never would.

So it was a Saturday night and Castiel was alone, some old movie playing on the TV while he made a sad boxed pizza for dinner. He says sad because he is pretty sure the thing had been sitting in the freezer since last September.

Castiel reached for his phone to set a timer, when the device started to ring.

It was an unknown number, so Castiel ignored it. This clearly didn’t work because the person trying to reach him called again a moment later. And again when the ringing ended the second time.

Castiel answered, “Hello?”

“Cas! Hey, I was getting a little worried. Thought you were gonna ignore me.” The voice on the other end was so familiar.

“Hello, Dean. Are you alright?” Castiel asked, suspicion laced in his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Well not really, can I come over? Are you busy?” The man’s words weren’t slurred, but Castiel had a feeling that Dean was possibly under the influence of something after asking a question like that.

“Are you drunk?”

“Oh, fuck off. I’m not drunk.” There was a very loud sigh on the other end of the line. “Listen, I have a physics test on Monday that I haven’t studied for and I- oh I suck, man. I need to do well, but I have no idea what’s going on. Charlie tried to help me, but she’s a horrible teacher, and then she mentioned that you’re a math genius. Thought you could be of use.”

Oh.

Dean only called to ask for a favor. Castiel couldn’t understand why that fact made his heart ache a little.

“Yes. I am minoring in physics, so I can help. Why you are asking so late though is beyond my comprehension.” Castiel had to retaliate in some way to make himself feel better about accepting the offer of being used.

“Whatever, Cas. I procrastinate. What time can I come over?” Dean asked.

“Now. I also made pizza if you are hungry.” Castiel now realized that he never set a timer. He opened the oven door to get a look at the situation.

“Thanks, I’ll be over soon. Send me your address.” Dean said goodbye and then hung up.

Castiel looked at the call time and subtracted that from the timer recommendation on the pizza box, plugging that number into his phone.

It took Dean around thirty minutes to arrive at Castiel’s apartment. The man had a very aggressive knock.

Castiel opened the door and stepped aside to let Dean in, he kicked his shoes off and stood awkwardly still. A black backpack was thrown over one shoulder and his knuckles had gone white with how hard he was clutching the strap.

“The pizza is in the kitchen, as well as my notes. We can work there.” Castiel led Dean into the small room and they sat at the island.

“Where’s Gabe and Balthazar?” Dean asked as he slid onto the tall stool. He began to take his books out and then stopped when Castiel answered his question.

“They are not here. Gabe is at some bar and Balthazar…I honestly don’t know.”

It took Dean a moment to respond. “So we’re alone?”

“Yes, is that a problem?” Castiel hoped this situation wouldn’t send Dean spiraling again. He didn’t know if he could handle that right now.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” The man’s tone was defensive and he dropped his books to the table with a loud thunk.

“I was just asking.” Castiel tried to soften his voice, but it didn’t work.

“Just because we’re alone doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine.” Dean snapped.

Castiel was not doing this today. He took a deep breath and paused, thinking about how to word his next statement. “Dean, I need you to listen to what I’m telling you. I would say that I am officially friends with your friends, as you are with mine. I have seen Charlie over the past couple of weeks, along with Meg and Jo. I know you and Gabriel have gone out together as well. We are going to be in each other’s space and I need that to be alright with you, because I honestly can’t be worried about you freaking out every time I am near you-”

“I’m not freaking out right-”

“Dean!” Castiel cut him off. “Just be quiet for a moment. I know how uncomfortable you are with what happened, and I know bringing it up again is probably not helping you, but I can’t do this. Gabriel told me that you became cold with him the second he mentioned my name to you. And it seems like you have been purposely avoiding me. I waited for you to text me and you never did, which is fine, but you asked for my number first. You have been talking to my brother and even Balthazar and I-”

“Are you seriously upset because I didn’t text you?” Castiel let Dean interrupt this time. “I don’t owe you anything. I said I'd let you know if we had another get together and we haven’t. You have no right to be mad at me.”

Castiel tilted his head slightly, trying to evaluate the man in front of him. Dean’s eyebrows were pinched and his mouth was twisted down. He was the angry one.

Things like this confused him. Last time they interacted, Castiel had a hard time trying to piece together the thought process of Dean Winchester. He often found it difficult to read people in general, but it had been more of a chore to try and understand Dean. Now everything seemed, dare he say, easy. Castiel could read him now. Could understand him. His thoughts and feelings becoming clear to Castiel in an instant.

“You are worried that I am angry with you.” It wasn’t a question. “I can assure you that I am not. I feel nothing but good things toward you, Dean. If you will accept, I would like to be friends and move past whatever we are doing at the moment.”

Dean nodded hesitantly and his next statement didn’t make an ounce of sense to Castiel. “My dad’s not…he’s not the most- he’s very traditional, I guess.”

“I am sorry?” Castiel’s tone sounded less confused than he felt.

“When I’m around you it’s like I can see his reaction to finding out about…you know.” Dean was quieter now and Castiel had to lean a little closer into his space to hear him. “God, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Let’s just get this done.”

Even though the topic was dismissed by Dean, Castiel began to speak. “I know that-”

“You don’t know anything, Cas.” Dean’s mouth displayed a small smile, but it faded quickly. “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“As you wish.” Castiel said and started to look through Dean’s physics book.

“Did you just quote The Princess Bride?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

Castiel nodded and they moved on.

It hadn’t even been an hour of relentless explanation on Castiel’s part (because Dean asked a lot of questions), when Balthazar basically kicked open the door of their apartment.

He was carrying quite a few bags stamped with the logo of their local grocery store. Balthazar raised an eyebrow when he noticed Dean and Castiel sitting at the kitchen island, papers and books scattering the surface. “You didn’t tell me we were expecting company.”

“Well you never tell me anything ever, so I guess we’re even. I didn’t even know where you had gone. I came out of my room to eat and you weren’t here.” Castiel kept his eyes on Dean’s class notes, rereading them once more to try and understand the man’s brain through the way he had scribbled numbers on the sheet paper.

“Forgive me, Cassie. I only went grocery shopping for everyone in this house. Do not feel like you have to thank me for spending my money-”

“Your father’s money.” Castiel muttered.

“-and asking for nothing in return.” Dean had gotten up from his stool to take a few plastic bags from Balthazar, setting them on the counter to be put away. “And thank you, Dean. At least someone’s parents cared enough to teach them manners.”

Castiel couldn’t control himself when he said: “Shut the fuck up.”

Dean had made his way to the chair next to him, his hand resting on the back of it like he was about to pull it out and sit. The man was now frozen at Castiel’s outburst.

Balthazar looked guilty now, his apologetic eyes focused on Castiel. “Don’t worry about putting these away. I’ll do it when Dean leaves.” Balthazar put the bags down and retreated to his room.

Now Castiel was the one who felt bad. He knew Balthazar’s comment wasn’t personal, and Castiel didn’t usually act out when one brought up such subjects. But he was tired and irritable and it was the way Balthazar had used the words “cared enough” knowing Castiel’s parents hadn’t even cared a little.

It was now that Castiel realized Dean was still unmoving, staring at him with eyes a little too wide for the purpose of just observing.

“I am sorry, Dean. I am just a little frustrated right now. We can continue.” Castiel’s words didn’t seem to help much because the man in front of him still hadn’t sat down.

“You’re frustrated because of me, because I’m too fucking stupid to understand any of this. I’m sorry, man. I can go and try to find-”

“No.” Castiel’s tone was stern now. “Do not say that. I can promise you that you are not stupid or uncapable. You are doing very well.” Something clicked then. He remembered their earlier conversation. “I am not mad at you.”

Now that seemed to make Dean relax, the man finally sat down again.

The two were not interrupted further.

Hours had passed. It was now nearing around eleven and Castiel was honestly struggling to keep his eyes open. Dean was talkative and curious about, well everything. They had gotten sidetracked quite a bit over the past four hours. Topics changing from actual physics, to ice cream flavors, and now animals.

Dean had been telling Castiel about how the one time he had been on a horse, he had gotten thrown and broke his tailbone.

Once Dean was clearly done with the story, Castiel contributed something for what felt like the first time tonight. “I actually grew up on a farm. We had a couple of horses, but my favorite was this brown one. I called her Copper because her coat turned red in the sun, though it was highly discouraged to name any of the animals we had.”

Dean was quiet for a moment. “That’s super cool,” he sounded like he meant it, “but why weren’t you allowed to name any of them?”

Castiel wasn’t exactly sure how much he should tell Dean, how far he should pull back the curtain of his childhood. He didn’t know this man. The only reason Balthazar knew the slightest bit about his parents was because they had been roommates since freshman year. One is bound to pick up on at least something from someone who doesn’t go home for holidays.

Castiel finally settled on simple words. “I am honestly not sure. My father was always trading and selling. I guess he didn’t care too much for attachment.” Castiel wouldn’t disclose to Dean that after he told his father about his love for the horse that the man had sold her for some thoroughbred that they never ended up using.

“My dad was the same way.” Castiel was surprised to find Dean opening up about his father once again. “We moved around a lot when I was a kid and I was always trying to pick up strays.” A bitter laugh. “He hated it.”

Castiel nodded. “We only had one animal that had a name. Casper was what I guess you could call a family dog, even though he wasn’t allowed inside the house. He was a stray.” Castiel then thought about Binx. “How do you feel about cats, Dean? I have never really been able to decide if I like them over dogs, to me they are-” He stopped talking when he noticed the far away look in Dean’s eyes. The man was not paying attention to him.

“Are you alright?” Castiel asked softly.

“I- I prefer cats. I don’t like dogs.” His words were cut, but normal, like he had been listening to Castiel this entire time and not zoning out with a haunted look on his face.

Castiel didn’t know how to respond, but he didn’t have to because Dean began to speak. “Did you name Casper?”

“I did.”

“Do you like Halloween?” Dean still didn’t appear totally there, but at least he was looking at him now.

“It is my favorite holiday.” Castiel knew he sounded a little giddy. He always did when talking about things that interested him.

“I can tell. Your cat is named after Hocus Pocus.”

“He is, that is one of my favorite movies.” Castiel smiled a little and waited for Dean to contribute to the conversation. He didn’t though. Hecontinued to stare at Castiel, green eyes scanning his face a little more intensely than the man liked. Castiel broke eye contact but Dean still didn’t speak.

“I can go get him. I know I already introduced you two, but you can hold him if you would like.” Dean said yes to this.

Binx had been sleeping on Castiel’s bed, and the animal was warm and soft when Castiel scooped him up and handed him to Dean. “He’s so cute.” Dean smiled a little and then snapped into a neutral expression like he wasn’t allowed to be fond of the cat.

“Yes. He’s a barn cat. My brother had gifted him to me for my nineteenth birthday.” The memory was one of Castiel’s favorites. He had never been permitted to have something living be his own. It was exciting.

“Gabe got you a cat?” Dean asked, though he was a little wrapped up in trying to hold Binx comfortably.

“No. My older brother Michael.”

Dean hummed and said, “I didn’t know you had any other siblings.”

“I am the youngest of five, actually.” Castiel laughed a little when Dean’s mouth dropped.

“Wow. And here I thought dealing with Sammy was rough.” It appeared that Dean was clearly having trouble standing and trying to find a position to hold the cat, so Castiel motioned for him to sit down on the bed. Dean did, shooting over a little when his thigh brushed Castiel’s. This was something the man would not comment on.

“Well I bet you were a lot closer to him than I was with any of my siblings.” Castiel reached over to pet Binx. The animal’s eyes were closed now and he looked close to sleep once again.

“What are their names and ages?” Dean asked. Castiel wasn’t surprised by this. If he had said anything about anything, Dean asked for more. It was like he always had a question at the ready. Castiel honestly enjoyed the man’s never ending curiosity and eagerness. But now, he was just uncomfortable.

“I am not sure if you know, but Gabriel is 24. Michael is 34. My sister, I believe she was a year older than Gabriel, maybe two.” Castiel shrugged and avoided Dean’s gaze. “My other brother is 33.”

“I don’t know how to ask without sounding like a jackass, but when you say was, is she-”

Castiel waved a hand to stop Dean. “My apologies. She is not dead. Anna grew up with my mother, who I have never met.”

Dean looked like he was pondering something. “My mom died when I was four.”

“I am sorry for you and your family, Dean. And for your mother. If she was anything like you, then I am sure it was a terrible loss.” Castiel said honestly.

Dean looked at him then, strangely. Like he couldn’t fathom the words. Castiel realized he’d said the wrong thing. “I apologize. I am bad at this. People tell me I’m not too good with words and-”

“You’re perfect.” Dean cut him off. “With words, I mean.” He quickly clarified. “Not that you’re- not that- well I mean, you didn’t say anything wrong. It’s just no one has ever told me they were sorry for her. They kind of skip over the fact that it was her life that ended. Like yeah, we all had to deal with it, but she’s the one who had so much- she had so much ahead of her.”

Dean has cried in front of Castiel multiple times now, but this was the first time that he felt like he could possibly be of comfort to him. “I understand. It is awful for a young life, any life for that matter, to be taken. I do not know if you believe in Heaven, but I am positive that she is somewhere watching you grow. I can promise that she is proud of you.” Castiel is unsure if this had the desired effect because Dean was now in that all too familiar position of a hand covering his mouth to muffle his sobs.

Castiel waited for him to calm down a bit. “I want you to know that you can always talk to me, even if we do not know each other that well.”

“Dude,” Dean laughed, “I just broke down about my mom in front of you. I’d say you have definitely bumped up from acquaintance to friend. And I actually feel like I’m going to pass this quiz, so thanks for that.”

Oh yes, the quiz. Castiel had forgotten about physics completely. “And I consider you the same. I know you will do wonderfully, Dean. You can- if you would like, you can text me after and tell me how it went. I would like to know.”

The man nodded, “I will.”

Dean went home after that, and Castiel went to bed with a smile on his face.

Chapter Text

It was early October.

Two games had passed since the one John had missed, and the man hadn’t really spoken to Dean since then.

Each time, he’d shown up with an energetic Sam in tow, but they’d only exchanged a few clipped words before he’d take off again.

Dean could tell this time was going to be no different.

John stood against the wall near the concession stand, arms crossed with a hard expression on his face. Like he was dreading every second he had to stand and wait on Dean.

They had actually won too, so Dean was more than a little confused by this look.

He thought that their victory would have won John over. He was wrong.

Sam waved Dean over as soon as he spotted his older brother.

“You did so good!” Sam practically threw himself in Dean’s arms, hugging him rather tightly.

The boy was only sixteen and nearly the same height as Dean. It threw him off every time he saw the kid, it was like he grew a few inches in between the week they were apart.

“That last touchdown was crazy, the way you faked right-” Sam began to act out the motions of the play, “-and the guy totally bought it. I can’t even-”

“Oh stop, that's enough.” John said finally as he batted Sam away.

Sam stepped back quickly, but fixed his dad with a harsh glare, his eyes squinted. Dean stood a little straighter and tilted his head higher.

“You heading out? You know how we always used to go down to the Roadhouse after we won.” The smallest smile made its way onto John’s face. The same one he always wore when talking about his old team. Dean knew this already, of course. His dad asked him the same question every week, followed by the same statement. And once again, Dean’s answer was, “Nah. There’s only like five guys going and I’m having some friends over.”

John was definitely holding back when he asked through his teeth, “Benny and Jo?”

“And Cas, maybe Meg and Bela.” Dean resisted the urge to tell him that Benny would obviously be there considering they lived together.

“They nice girls?” John smirked and hit his son’s shoulder lightly in jest.

“Cas is a boy.” Dean blurted, his tone coming out offended.

It was silent for a few seconds and then John said, “That sounds girly.”

“Dad.” Sam was always more brave when it came to talking back. Dean cringed when John glared at the boy.

Now of course Dean didn’t think Cas was girly. If anything, he was just a little…softer?

Yes. Soft, with his messy hair and bright eyes and kind words and baggy t-shirts with jeans that didn’t fit him properly.

“Well I’m just sayin’, what could that be short for other than Cassidy or something.” John defended. He sounded angry. Angry that he was being called out and not having his sons drop at his feet.

“Castiel.” Dean said quietly.

His dad laughed a little and began to walk away, jerking his head to indicate for Sam and Dean to follow him. “Weird name.”

“He’s named after an angel.” Dean didn’t know why he said it. He couldn’t stop digging himself a bigger hole.

Dean watched the back of John’s head shake. “So he comes from bible thumpers, great. Another thing to add to the list. Be careful who you hang around with, boy.”

“He’s not-” Dean shut his mouth when he realized he was about to talk back. “I know, Dad.”

John didn’t say anything else until they got to the truck. “Well, we should be heading back.”

“We just got here!” Sam complained and crossed his arms.

Dean stayed silent as he watched his dad and little brother hash it out in the middle of the parking lot. He was used to this. When he was younger, he would try and defuse their arguments, but like when it came to most things, he only made it worse.

“Get in the car, Sammy.” John was actually angry now, fire in his eyes and ash in his tone. He would often use that nickname for Sam as a power play. Like something about it said: I’m the boss of you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

“Whatever.” Sam gave Dean a small, obviously forced smile, and slid into the passenger seat. He shut the door with more force than necessary, but John didn’t comment. If it had been Dean though, well…

“I’ll see you next week.” The man bit out.

“Yeah, thanks for…” Dean trailed off when John walked past him and got in the car.

The black truck drove away and left the boy surrounded by happy families and proud friends.

Dean didn’t really speak when everyone showed up to his apartment. What was meant to be a select few now turned into the whole friend group, almost.

Jo, Bela, Benny, Meg, and Castiel were sprawled out on the couch. Ash was obviously in the armchair. Gabe had decided to join at the last minute. Him and Dean were sitting on the floor.

Funnily enough, the movie night had been Castiel’s idea. He texted Dean and asked if he wanted to watch Halloween movies and eat a bunch of snacks, and Dean agreed, obviously.

Dean had asked if Benny could join, and then Jo found out, and then Meg and-

And of course, that got out fast. So everyone who could make it was there.

They had watched Halloween and I Know What You Did Last Summer, and now they were on to Hocus Pocus.

Dean knew Cas had been waiting for someone to suggest it, he literally kicked Dean (who was sitting next to his legs) when Dean had asked to watch the movie.

What sucked though about this certain group of people was that they were never really quiet. It was roughly thirty minutes into Hocus Pocus, and there hadn’t been one moment of silence yet.

Dean tipped his head back on the couch a few times, checking to see if and when Cas would tell them to shut up, but he never did. He just sat there, face illuminated in the dark by the TV screen, contentment on his features.

“Why are you judging me! You would too.” Dean looked over to Meg, who was basically pleading with Benny. She was shaking him back and forth by his shoulders.

“I mean maybe the blonde chick, but the main witch, fuck no.” Benny chuckled and brushed her off, turning back to the movie.

"You seriously think Winifred is hot?" Jo added, she leaned over Bela to get Meg’s attention.

The scene on the TV was bright, so Dean could see Meg roll her eyes at this. "I mean, I'd get with her."

"That is interesting." Castiel said, genuinely in thought. "I think the whole point of this movie is to make the witches unappealing."

"Besides Sarah." Ash chimed in from his chair a few feet away.

"Amen to that!" Gabe toasted with his cup of water and there were a few mhm's following that statement.

"What do you think, ladies man?" Meg asked.

It took Dean a few moments to realize the question was aimed at him. "Uh, I wouldn't, personally."

"That's surprising." Benny mumbled under his breath. He was sitting next to Cas, so it wasn’t hard to hear him.

"Why? I don't want to fuck everything that moves." Dean let out a laugh, tried to play it off as a joke, but he wasn't feeling it. Part of him just felt empty and hollow for some reason. Like he wasn’t even sad or anything, he just felt…nothing.

"Never said you did." Benny reached down and patted Dean’s shoulder.

"Whatever." Dean huffed and got off of the floor. “Anyone want a drink?”

Bela perked up at that, “Like alcoholic?”

“Sure.” Dean shrugged while everyone gave their beverage orders.

Dean walked over to the kitchen and grabbed a few beers and a hard lemonade for Bela. He turned around and nearly dropped the bottles when Benny appeared right in front of him.

“Man, what the fuck.” Dean tried to push past Benny, but was stopped when an arm held him in place.

“Hold up.” Benny shoved Dean back lightly. “What is up with you?”

“Oh come on, you know better than to ask me shit like that.”

And that was true. Benny knew Dean didn’t talk about things, and he was usually okay with that, so he didn’t know why the guy was all up in his business right now.

“Everyone can tell there’s something wrong. Cas just asked if-”

“I don’t care.” Dean rolled his eyes, playing into being unbothered. “If he’s so worried, he can come to me himself.”

Benny’s face was doing something weird. It was twisted into slight disbelief and…Dean didn’t know what else. “It’s not just him, Jo asked me to come check on you.”

“So you didn’t come in here out of the kindness in your heart, you wound me.” Benny finally let Dean walk past him. “Now if you’ll excuse me, the drinks are getting warm.”

Not much had happened since Dean left. Everyone was still squished together on the couch and Gabe was now lying on his stomach, munching on a whole bag of salt and vinegar chips. Did he bring those with him?

Dean handed everyone their drinks and sat back down on the floor, a little closer to Cas than last time it seemed, because the guy’s leg was brushing against his side.

Dean tensed but didn’t move, and Cas didn’t move either, so he let it go.

Only he didn’t, because it was the sole thing he could think about for the rest of the movie.

Cas was wearing baggy sweatpants and his leg was warm pressed against Dean.

It wasn’t weird. Dean look around. Jo was practically on top of Bela and Meg had thrown her legs over Benny’s. And Gabe got tired of sitting on the floor, so he and Ash were squeezed together on the armchair.

It wasn’t weird. If anything, it was the most normal seating arrangement in the whole apartment.

They were touching, so what? It didn’t matter.

It didn’t.

But Dean knew that wasn’t true. Despite popular belief, he wasn’t a total idiot. He knew that he was slightly freaking out, because he…because-

“Dean!” Jo’s voice carried through the small space.

“Yeah.” Dean felt slightly breathless when he tipped his head to see everyone staring at him.

“I asked if you had any input on what to watch next, but you were all zoned out and weird.” Jo was holding a couple movies in her hand that she had picked up from the coffee table. She shook them in question.

“Oh, sorry.” He shrugged. “I don’t really care.”

“Well, you have to pick. Either Scary Movie or Sleepy Hollow.” Meg chimed in.

“That’s not even a question.” Bela crossed one leg over the other, her pumpkin pajama pants riding up at the ankles. “Scary Movie. Dean loves that stupid knock-off shit.”

“Well choose one, because Cas wants to watch Sleepy Hollow and Gabe wants to watch Scary Movie and the rest of us really don’t care.” Jo shoved the movies closer to Dean’s face.

Dean tipped his head more to the side to look at Cas’ face. He met Dean’s eyes and gave him a small smile.

Dean made up his mind. “Let’s watch Sleepy Hollow. I’ve never seen it.” He said, attention still on Cas.

“Alright…” Jo sounded confused and got up to put the movie in the DVD player.

Gabe said something that sounded a lot like “get a room,” but Dean ignored it in order to maintain his sanity.

This was going to be a long night.