Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Efnisien

*

In a way, they’d been growing closer to sharing a scene between the two of them. Kadek had watched Efnisien in ropes at his private play parties several times and even participated with a laconic sureness that made Efnisien as breathless as Arden did. When both of them concentrated on him, he felt as though he was being compressed from every direction. He was no longer malleable, he was pushed inexorably into some perfect shape, frightened he wouldn’t manage it, trying not to resist the pressure of their wills against him. And when he thought about that later, remembered the sensations, there was an electricity that felt disturbing and appealing. He knew Kadek felt it, too. 

The excuse was Arden travelling to two kinbaku ateliers - one in Paris, the other in Thailand - for five consecutive weeks. Efnisien had never been away from him for longer than four days since they started living together, and he didn’t want to be super stressed about it, but he was. He tried to hide it, and he couldn’t. The days when he could hide everything from Arden were long gone. 

‘So,’ Arden said one morning as they ate breakfast across from each other at the kitchen counter. ‘Weird suggestion, but since Kadek’s not coming with me this time, and he’s also going to be y’know, lonely...’

Efnisien expected something like: “You can go live with him for a few weeks if you want.” Honestly, Efnisien was open to it. 

‘...I was thinking you two might want to figure out scenes together without having me there as a safety net. Kadek’s a big boy, and he can handle it, and I think you can too.’

‘O-oh,’ Efnisien said, shocked. ‘You- Ah...’

‘We’ve talked about it,’ Arden said soberly. ‘This came up years ago. It doesn’t mean I’m tired of you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want you. It doesn’t mean I want Kadek to handle that side of things. If anything, I’m sad I’m going to miss out on being the voyeur because I think you’ll be spectacular with him. I want him to know you in his own way. Wow! I’m explaining this badly!’

‘You’re nervous.’ Efnisien smiled weakly. 

‘So true, bestie.’ Arden laughed. ‘Kadek’s always gone with me to the long conferences. He’s been my senpai.’ 

‘And now you’re the senpai.’ Efnisien could never unsee all the anime Arden had eventually exposed him to, and by osmosis, Efnisien had picked up some of the words. He accidentally and unthinkingly called Damilola his senpai only a few months ago, and the look she’d given him took about twenty years off his lifespan, before she started laughing and said she’d still prefer that on her business card over Associate Professor. 

‘We’ll be in touch and Facetime and stuff, but instead of me telling you how I think it should go, how about you tell me how you’re feeling about it?’

‘He might hate it,’ Efnisien said, staring down at the counter. ‘And then I’ll be dealing with him hating it, and you not being here, and that’ll suck.’

‘I’m going to bet you a stone cold two thousand dollars that he won’t hate it or you.’

‘What if you get really jealous?’ Efnisien said quietly. 

‘Babygirl, that won’t happen. I know you’re mine. The things you endure for me? I know. Like, in a gross saccharine way. If anything, it’s more like I want to come home to Kadek losing his absolute mind at how amazing you are. And maybe I want you to see that side of him, too. You’ve known him when he’s the host at play parties, but you’ve never done a private scene with him. Not a serious one.’ 

‘A scene...’ Efnisien said slowly. ‘Wait, you think he should dominate me? Like... The shit he does with collars and obedience and stuff?’ 

Efnisien had only seen that side of Kadek once, and only on video, because Kadek didn’t play like that at play parties. The way he explained it, he had two styles of topping. Kadek as a rigger was playful and sadistic, willing to offer praise and support and easy conversation, and his style was what Arden described as “loose.” Kadek liked to improvise rope in between workshopping on models and mannequins. He went with the flow. 

Kadek’s style of domination was serious and focused. It was pretty old school. There were positions for his submissives to hold, commands given, discipline exacted, and even a quick scene could be very intense. Kadek did that privately, though he’d filmed a few of those scenes back in the day.

Efnisien had watched five minutes of one: a younger Kadek in a black suit that was tailored well, dominating a younger woman who was completely naked except for the black leather collar around her neck. In the scene, she was made to kneel on a cushion and serve wine whenever Kadek’s glass went below a certain amount. Efnisien had looked at Kadek uncertainly, because even his voice was different to how he was when tying people in rope. It was colder, firmer, almost restricting. Efnisien had felt flustered, and it only compounded when he saw Kadek staring at him with the same focus he’d given the girl kneeling at his feet. 

Efnisien hadn’t wanted to watch the rest, and Arden flicked to a video of Kadek and Arden working together at an atelier in Germany, back when Kadek toured globally and ran workshops that were in high demand. 

‘The reason I’m suggesting that,’ Arden said carefully, ‘is that it can be challenging, but also very grounding. I think you should talk to him about it. He’s open to it, but he won’t press this on you. Kadek has a soft spot with you. Anyway, think it over. Maybe have a talk about limits before I leave, and then you can decide for sure if you want to try it or leave it until I get back. I just thought... I mean you both love me so much and you’re both going to miss me so much because I’m fucking amazing, so it’s a problem that basically solves itself if I throw you both together to have a pity party about me leaving.’

Efnisien opened his mouth to tease, and then smiled and shook his head. ‘You think it’ll be hot, don’t you?’

‘God, you don’t even know, princess. He’s never been into a dude before, and I’m pretty sure he’s stumbling into some kind of awakening with you. This is the most fun I’ve had with Kadek in years. That dude is laid back on the surface and then so neurotic you can’t resist poking him.’

‘Just so fucking neurotic,’ Efnisien agreed and laughed. ‘Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to him.’ 

Arden looked relieved. ‘Yeah? Okay. See how you go. No pressure, remember?’ 

‘Sure,’ Efnisien said. 

‘I have such big feelings about you, sweetheart.’

‘Same,’ Efnisien said, and shivered. 

After all this time, he never tired of Arden’s declarations, or how big they felt. Once, it was a lot of pressure. Now it was a constant reminder that someone loved him. That was good, because Efnisien felt the same way.

*

‘Did Arden send you my contract thingo?’ Efnisien said. ‘I don’t know, the form with all the limits I have?’ 

Kadek sat on the same couch facing Efnisien, and instead of a tablet like Arden used, he had a notebook. When Kadek opened it, Efnisien caught his own name in black capital letters, written out in a decisive style in fountain pen. It made him feel more nervous than he expected. Especially now Kadek was staring at him. 

‘Ha, babe, no,’ Kadek said. ‘You reset this every time for a new play partner, especially when it’s a serious scene. Your limits with Arden aren’t your limits with me. The endearments you’re comfortable with aren’t the same as with me. My wants and needs aren’t the same as his and my limits aren’t the same as his. We start fresh. We go through it all from the beginning because I need to know you can talk about this stuff with me. Because if you can’t talk about it, we can’t do it.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I seem to remember Arden saying the same thing a hundred years ago.’

‘You look pretty scared shitless for someone pretending they’re old-hat at BDSM.’ 

Efnisien felt a flash of annoyance and looked away, and Kadek nodded to himself. 

‘So!’ Kadek said. ‘I think of myself as a rigger and a dominant, but they’re two separate things. Sometimes, as a dominant, I’m also a rigger. But when I’m a rigger, I’m not a dominant in the same way. I have a structured and formal domming style, and what I’m looking for is obedience with zero bratting. Like, absolutely no tolerance for bratting. No talking back, no intentional silliness, no looking to make me laugh. I’m not saying you can’t feel upset or challenged, or that you can’t baulk or resist something, but if we do any scenes together like that, it’s...’ He paused, sticking the cap end of the fountain pen into his mouth.

‘You want me to respect the spirit of the scene,’ Efnisien said quietly. 

‘Yeah,’ Kadek said. ‘It’s hard to explain, but when I’m interviewing someone to submit to me - which is rare - I tell them I expect them to obey me as if their life is in my hands. You do everything I say, because for those ten minutes, or two hours, I am everything to you. But you’re not always going to feel you’re everything to me. I want the subservience and the respect, but I’ll often be doing work, or watching television, or not seeming fully engaged. That’s part of what I enjoy about that side of kink, but not everyone can hack it, and I know you like to feel special. I like to make you feel like that too, but if I dominated you, that would be different.’ 

Efnisien nodded. That was the impression he’d gotten from the video he’d watched. Honestly, while it was scary, it hadn’t seemed awful. 

‘So...’ Kadek said, drawing the word out. ‘Actually, let’s talk specifics and then loop back on in the bigger picture. When you answer these questions, I want you to imagine that Arden won’t be there, so this is how you feel about something specifically when it’s me. Like, for example, can I tie you in rope when it’s the two of us? In a more relaxed scene, but also in a serious one?’ 

‘Yes,’ Efnisien said. ‘Not suspensions though.’

‘Got it. You’re fantastic,’ Kadek said, his face scrunching up in a smile that meant he was pleased. Efnisien swallowed, feeling pinned by his dark gaze. ‘That’s the specifics I want. So floor work is okay? Good. Seated? Yeah? Good. Hands and feet? Uh huh. What about rope gags or blindfolds?’ 

Efnisien surprised himself when he nodded. Gags and blindfolds weren’t always on the table with Arden, but with Kadek, he felt okay about it. He didn’t know why. Maybe he’d hate it. 

‘Next we’re going to talk about positions.’ 

Kadek didn’t mean sex positions. He wanted to know how long Efnisien could kneel on a cushion for, how often he thought he’d need breaks for his knees, how long he could hold a stretched forward prostrated position like worshipping a god - which made Efnisien’s cheeks heat - and he wanted to know how comfortable Efnisien felt being asked to bend over a desk, or a couch. Efnisien wasn’t actually super comfortable with that at all, but he also said he wasn’t ruling it out. Kadek seemed contemplative, but he was in an information-gathering mindset. Meanwhile, Efnisien squirmed inside. 

This was very different to Kadek and Arden talking about what they wanted to do in a scene with Efnisien and leaving him out of it. 

When Kadek moved to the subject of touch, Efnisien pulled both his legs onto the couch and wrapped an arm around his shins. Everything they talked about evoked some image in his mind. Kadek pulling his hair. Kadek fully clothed and holding him while he was naked. Kadek touching or bathing his hands, or his feet, or Efnisien being asked to do the same. Being manipulated into certain positions outside of rope. And then when they got to sexual stuff, Kadek asked blunt questions, and Efnisien heard himself choke out a “Yes” to way more than he thought he would.

Kadek stopped. ‘Boy, you better not be saying this to me because you think I want it.’ 

‘It’s just- You’re not into guys like that anyway, and I’m- You know I’m ace, and you know me, and I do stuff with Arden sometimes, well, more than we used to. Not like- Not all the way, but still... I don’t know. Maybe Arden would be mad to know I’m saying yes to this stuff?’

‘Arden knows what I’m going to ask you,’ Kadek said. ‘He’s prepared for you to say yes or no to all of these things. Babe, there’s nothing you and I are talking about today that will be a secret from Arden. There’s stuff I’m not going to ask you to say yes or no to, because Arden didn’t want me to ask you at all.’

‘Oh. And that wasn’t sex stuff?’

‘There’s a bunch of endearments that only belong to him, apparently,’ Kadek said, laughing. ‘In good news, I’d rather die than call you “my dove.” So we’re good on that. He let me get temporary custody of babygirl though. If you agree to it.’ 

‘Fuck.’

Kadek’s eyes did something, like narrowing and focusing all on him, a pressure that shoved at him even across the couch. Kadek was noticing everything, liking Efnisien’s responses, and it didn’t feel nearly as playful as when he was doing rope stuff. 

‘Now,’ Kadek said. ‘Brace yourself, we’re going to talk about impact play.’

‘What?’ Efnisien said. For years, that had been completely off the table with Arden, with almost no exceptions. 

‘You heard me,’ Kadek said. ‘You can say no to every question, but I’m going to ask you every question. If I can find a way into that with you, I’m going to take the opening. I’ll be careful, don’t worry, but I’m trusting you to be honest with me, got it?’

‘Got it,’ Efnisien said, his voice strained. 

Questions like: Could Efnisien handle the idea of being spanked over Kadek’s knee, could he handle it being bent over a desk or a chair, could he handle it if it was a reward, a punishment, discipline, or because Kadek wanted to do it? Could he handle a paddle, or a flogger, or a quirt, or a whip, or a tawse, or a cane? What sort of marks would he accept as tolerable? How long should the bruising be allowed to last? What parts of the body couldn’t be touched at all for impact aside from obvious safe zones like the kidneys? 

Efnisien felt dazed. ‘You know this is... This is a hard limit of mine, right?’ 

‘With Arden, sure,’ Kadek said. ‘With me...’ -He dragged his finger down the list of answers he’d received, and smiled softly- ‘...not so much, hm? Sometimes it happens like this. Maybe there’s stuff you never want to fuck around and find out with, with Arden. Because what if he does something like that, and it ruins your relationship? But you can take bigger risks with me. Not because you think I’ll hurt you, but because it’s different when the relationship is different. You do still have a lot of hard limits here, which is great. But I’m not gonna lie, kind of excited now.’ 

Efnisien bit his bottom lip and said nothing. 

There were even more questions about impact after that, including aftercare around impact, which wasn’t something Efnisien had to consider before. 

They talked for another thirty minutes, until finally Kadek sighed and stared at nothing for some time, and then said: ‘I really, really want you in a collar.’

‘No,’ Efnisien said. ‘No way.’

Kadek winced. ‘What about something lateral? Like a necklace or a sash or something?’

‘No,’ Efnisien said. 

‘A cuff on your wrist?’ 

Efnisien hesitated. ‘Leather?’ 

‘It doesn’t have to be leather,’ Kadek said, modulating his voice to be gentle how Arden sometimes did. ‘It could be metal, or fabric, or even some jute. Something I can put on you at the beginning of a scene and remove at the end. Something that means you belong to me in that period.’ 

Efnisien stared down at the carpet. He knew Kadek wanted this because he was all about collars and the ritual. But Efnisien had never liked them, and thankfully Arden wasn’t so beholden to the old ways of doing things he felt the need to use them. 

‘What if...’ Kadek said quietly, ‘I wore one too?’ 

Efnisien stared at him, his eyes widening. 

‘A collar?’

‘Not a collar, but something you place on me before the scene starts and after it ends. Something that symbolises my promise of care towards you, something like that.’ 

Efnisien opened his mouth to say he’d like that, and then something clicked and shifted inside him. With Kadek being willing to offer that, Efnisien realised he didn’t need it. 

‘I want nothing around my neck,’ Efnisien said. ‘But a cuff on my wrist is fine. I don’t care what it’s made of, as long as it’s not that stereotypical, shiny leather. Suede’s okay, I guess.’ 

‘And for me?’

‘I don’t need that,’ Efnisien said. ‘I thought- I thought maybe... But I don’t think I do. It’s nice that you offered, though.’ 

‘It’s nice that you considered it,’ Kadek said. ‘I think it’s only because it’s me, and you love me.’

‘Fuck off. Arden’s so needy I have nothing left over for anyone else.’

Kadek grinned, and Efnisien leaned back against the couch and felt drained. What he’d learned was that a scene with Kadek was going to be fucking intense. Even if they only did two of the things on the list, it was going to be intense. 

‘You can’t make fun of my body,’ Efnisien said abruptly. 

‘We literally have an entire section about how you hate being humiliated. Also, I don’t want to do that.’

‘You can’t point out that I’m... You can’t point out that you’re not into me because I’m not a girl. You can’t try to make me into a girl.’ 

Kadek blinked at him, then nodded and wrote it down. Afterwards, he tilted his head at what must have been the seventh page of notes in shorthand. 

‘I wouldn’t do those things, but I’m grateful you’re telling me. I can hear in your voice how much you don’t like it. Have I ever made you feel that way before?’

‘I don’t know,’ Efnisien said, uncertain. ‘I wasn’t thinking of any time in particular. It’s just people think I have the body or the looks that must mean I want to be feminised or something, and I don’t.’

‘Yeah,’ Kadek said. ‘See? There you go. Here you have a hard limit with me that you don’t have with Arden, because Arden makes you feel safe with this stuff.’

‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said, rubbing at the back of his head. ‘Also, it’s for Arden. It’s different. I’ve never liked it much, you know. It’s like being fucked. I do it for him. He has other ways to make me feel that way, but he chooses that way, because he knows how uncomfortable it makes me. Your scenes already sound fucking hard. I don’t want to be... I don’t know. Gender stuff is a mess. I’m tired of people saying I’d look pretty in drag at your play parties.’

‘God, same,’ Kadek said. ‘You’re right. There’s a few people who don’t cut you any slack on that. It’s like they don’t know how to compliment you, so they jump straight to: “Wow, you’d be so pretty as a girl!” Like damn, you can be a pretty boy, y’know?’

‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said. 

‘Can I add Pretty Boy to the list of endearments?’ 

Efnisien pressed his lips together, and then nodded, resisting the urge to groan in embarrassment. 

God, he was so fucked. So fucked. 

‘I feel like I’m gonna safeword like crazy,’ Efnisien said softly, as Kadek closed his notebook. ‘Feels like you’ll get mad about that.’

‘Then we’ll have to make sure you know I won’t,’ Kadek said soberly. ‘When I say I like my scenes to be serious, it doesn’t mean I want you to feel you can’t safeword, okay? Do we need to go over that section again?’

‘No, it’s... No.’

‘I’ll type all this up for you and send you a copy, and you can change anything you need to. Also, you doing this with me doesn’t mean we’ll actually do anything, okay? It doesn’t work like that. This isn’t a promise to scene, it’s us knowing where we’re at, and what each other’s kinks and limits are. You know a bit more about me. I know a bit more about you. Maybe this doesn’t get off the ground, maybe it does.’ 

It was a relief hearing Kadek talk like that. Sometimes he worried Kadek’s colder dominant side was who he was deep down, and he had to remind himself it was just another facet of him. Kadek was a caring, soft-hearted guy who hated to be seen that way by people in case they used him. 

Still, Efnisien was nervous, because he wanted Kadek to be pleased with him in a scene, and he worried he wouldn’t be able to make it happen. 

Chapter Text

Efnisien was nervous. All of this was different. He took a rideshare to Kadek’s, mouth dry, Iris away with a sitter who Arden trusted with his life. Efnisien fidgeted repeatedly.

On his phone were clear and curt instructions from Kadek:

Let yourself in. Close the door and lock it behind you. Undress completely and fold your clothing and place it and your shoes in the basket provided. Kneel on the cushion I’ve put in place for you and bend your head forward. Text me so I know you’ve completed my instructions and place your phone in the basket, too.

Do this no later than 7:15pm.

Make sure you’ve eaten something light, for god’s sake, before you get here.

It wasn’t easy conversation beforehand like with Arden. He and Kadek had been texting, but it hadn’t been about this until the instructions appeared. Efnisien had a copy of their contract, of the soft and hard limits, and he was still shocked at what he would allow Kadek to do to him.

And scared. Scared as well.

He’d talked to Arden about it before he left, and Arden hadn’t seem too surprised.

‘You’re not…angry? Some of this stuff I don’t do with you at all,’ Efnisien said. ‘I feel like I’m betraying you. Like, this should belong to you.’

‘There’s so much that you give me that only belongs to me,’ Arden said, eyes moving over the contract. ‘Though, if none of this stuff becomes a hard limit, I’m gonna ask very nicely if I can watch Kadek doing some of this stuff to you in the future.’

Arden batted his eyelashes up at Efnisien, who stood leaning against the counter as Arden ate some toast and didn’t seem to think any of this was a big deal.

Arden gave him a faintly toothy, dangerous grin, and Efnisien shivered.

‘What?’ Efnisien said.

‘Just… You have this way about you, when you’re all flustered and nervous, and now I’m not the only one who can do terrible things to you when you get that way,’ Arden said. His laughter was low, and he closed the contract and extended his arm, gaze warm and soft.

Efnisien went to him, leaned against him, then pressed his forehead to the top of Arden’s head.

‘I still think you should live with him,’ Arden said. ‘But I get you need space. He can be a lot.’

‘So can I,’ Efnisien said.

‘Mm.’ Arden reached up and ruffled Efnisien’s hair without looking. ‘Nah. Never you, buttercup. Never you.’

They’d talked about Efnisien’s nerves in a couple more conversations, but now – in the passenger seat of the rideshare, as the driver blasted hip-hop at a volume Efnisien hated, even though he didn’t mind the music – it was like none of it mattered.

The only thing on the list of hard limits Efnisien said wasn’t allowed – out of the options Kadek gave him – was anal penetration or anal sex.

But…everything else…

Efnisien took a shallow breath and stared fixedly out of the window. He didn’t know if he could do this. He remembered what he’d seen on that video of Kadek and that submissive, and he felt too clumsy and uncoordinated to be anything other than a disappointment. Sure, Arden loved him, Efnisien still didn’t know how that happened. But Kadek?

Efnisien’s face screwed up, and he tried not to think about it.

*

The door clicked as he opened it, and he closed it behind him and locked it, heart beating so hard he was queasy.

There was a black wicker basket big enough for his clothes, with a lid. Attached on the side was a piece of printer paper which had a yellow Minion in overalls pointing to a message: Clothes go in here!

It was such a typically goofy thing for Kadek to do, and Efnisien closed his eyes in bizarre relief as he undressed.

The house was warmer than usual. Kadek must have turned the heating up, knowing Efnisien would be naked. But it wasn’t high enough that Efnisien still wouldn’t be cold.

It was easy enough to fold everything and put it in the basket; the shoes going down the bottom. Harder to look at the flat, black cushion and kneel on it with no one else around, gaze darting around nervously for surveillance cameras, even though Kadek didn’t use them inside without explicit consent.

It was 7:10pm when Efnisien was in position, and he didn’t know if he should message early, or exactly at 7:15pm. What if he messaged at the exact right time to show how exactly he could follow instructions, and then there was lag, and Kadek thought he’d messaged late?

But what if he messaged too early?

Efnisien tried to remember it was Kadek. It was Kadek, for fuck’s sake. He should be even less worried about him than Arden. Arden was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Kadek was just…

Kadek was just…

Efnisien shivered. He opened up his phone and texted Kadek, then put the phone on silent and in the black basket without waiting for a reply, fingernails digging into his knees.

He expected Kadek to come from the lounge or the kitchen, expected to hear Kadek’s cheerful voice, or hear quick thuds as he ran down the staircase, sometimes taking two steps at a time, which Arden called dangerous, and Kadek called parkour.

Time trickled by, and without his phone, he couldn’t decide if it was a minute, or five minutes, or three, or maybe seven. Efnisien’s breathing turned shallow.

What if Kadek’s phone was on silent?

It was definitely past 7:15pm now.

What if Kadek thought he was late? What if the text didn’t go through? Efnisien was such an idiot. He should’ve at least checked if the text had gone through. But he’d put his phone in the basket and if he picked it up now and Kadek caught him, maybe he’d think Efnisien was late after all, or…

Efnisien couldn’t believe he already felt this fucking stressed out. He could almost hear Arden asking him for a word. His hands clenched into fists. He was following the instructions. It was Kadek who was late! Just leaving him here. What if someone came to the front door and knocked?

What if this was a joke?

No, it wasn’t a joke. Kadek didn’t play jokes like that. But…

By the time Efnisien heard footsteps coming one at a time – steadily, sedately – down the staircase, Efnisien was cold and shaking, aware he was overthinking everything, not knowing what to do.

When he looked up, he spun into some other dimension. Kadek wore clothing he’d seen him wear before, but only at play parties, and only certain play parties. A black business suit, silver rings, one silver stud in one ear, his hair slicked and fussed with so that it curled just so. Efnisien had watched him spend thirty minutes twisting his curls to make them “just right” in the past, but it was hard to remember that with the way Kadek stared at him like a laser.

His face didn’t light up, it didn’t break into its broad smile, and he didn’t tease. In his hand, he held a black leather box. His black dress shoes were so polished they gleamed.

Kadek stopped in front of him, and Efnisien stared up, wanting to ask how much time had passed, how long Kadek had left him to stew in his own anxieties.

Kadek’s expression changed, softened maybe, and he tilted his head. He considered Efnisien and then looked in the black basket before replacing the lid.

‘Do you need to use one of your words?’ Kadek said as he straightened. He didn’t say hi. He didn’t ask how Efnisien had been. And Efnisien thought this was the point at which Arden would probably safeword on Efnisien’s behalf. Kadek was giving him a choice.

Nothing bad had happened yet. Efnisien was just scared. Maybe he could…try something different.

‘May I ask a question?’ Efnisien managed, hating how his voice broke, how airless it sounded.

‘You may,’ Kadek answered.

It was so fucking formal. Without thinking about it, he looked down at the piece of paper on the basket, the Minion printed on it, and forced himself to take a deeper breath into tense lungs.

‘Are you mad at me?’ Efnisien said.

‘No,’ Kadek said. ‘I’m not mad at you at all. You’ve followed all of my instructions, you’ve been patient, and you’ve waited for me. There is nothing to be angry at, and nothing to find fault with. But I have given you a taste of what it’s like to serve me. If you focus only on yourself, you’re going to be pretty stressed out, Efnisien.’

Efnisien didn’t flinch, but he looked up at Kadek with wide eyes and Kadek stared down with an unblinking intensity.

‘I’m going to absolutely pile you with aftercare once all of this is over,’ Kadek said, lips quirking, ‘but we need to get there first. So I’m going to ask you again. Do you need to safeword?’

Efnisien shook his head.

‘Good,’ Kadek said. His shoulders seemed to relax, and Efnisien didn’t realise he’d been tense as well. ‘When we enter my office, you will start calling me sir.’

Efnisien didn’t think he’d find that hard at all. He couldn’t imagine doing it with Arden, but with Kadek, it was almost a relief to have something to demarcate the difference between regular Kadek and Kadek as a dominant. He nodded in acknowledgement.

‘We will meet two of your soft limits today. I’m not going to tell you what they are. However, you may find they become a hard limit in combination, and if that happens, you are to safeword immediately, or as soon as you realise.’

Efnisien nodded again.

‘This will be a relatively simple scene by my standards that will last approximately forty minutes once we enter my office, but you may not find it easy. In fact, I expect you won’t. So when you wonder if I’m making it hard on you, I am.’

God. Efnisien didn’t know if he could do this at all. It was so fucking different. It was different to how Kadek tied him in rope, different to the comments he made when he observed Arden and Efnisien together.

He didn’t want to fail.

Kadek opened the leather box, and inside was a baby blue leather cuff, about three fingers wide, with a soft, napped finish. It had a silver buckle, and Kadek set down the box and unbuckled the cuff.

‘When you’re ready,’ he said, ‘you’re going to put this on yourself. I’ll buckle it for you. Take your time.’

He held out the cuff, and Efnisien stared at it, thinking about their discussions about collars over the years, and how Kadek had offered to wear something in exchange, and how the colour was pale blue and not…bad.

It wasn’t pink; it wasn’t overtly feminising; it was just soft. Efnisien imagined Kadek putting thought into it, from the texture, to the colour, to the buckle. He knew Kadek didn’t just have things like this lying around. He favoured black.

Efnisien reached out and took the cuff, then placed it on his left wrist, biting the inside of his lip when Kadek stepped closer and took over, buckling it into place. It fit well, felt snug, and Efnisien liked the colour. He had clothes in that colour.

‘Stand,’ Kadek said.

He didn’t reach out to help, and Efnisien winced as he pushed up through aching knees, feeling clumsy and ungraceful, especially compared to the tailored suit Kadek wore.

‘Sore?’ Kadek asked.

‘Ah, yes. Yes, sir.’

‘You’re not holding out on a safeword, are you?’ Kadek said sternly, and Efnisien shook his head. No, he wasn’t. He’d been asked to do far more painful things, and he and Kadek had negotiated in advance how long Efnisien could kneel for, and it was way longer than this.

However long this had been.

‘See that you don’t,’ Kadek said, poking Efnisien in the shoulder once before turning and walking further into his house.

Efnisien followed, feeling like he was seeing Kadek’s house all over again.

The first time he’d come here, he’d realised Kadek had money. It put him in mind of houses he’d visit with Crielle. Soon after, he realised Kadek was just a silly guy who worked hard, played hard, gamed hard, and wanted everything else to be easy. It became a house where Efnisien played piano, video games, participated in casual and serious BDSM, and ate the best food he’d ever had, and laughed more than he’d laughed anywhere else except the house he shared with Arden.

Right now, it flipped once more. Kadek had money. He was a business owner and ran multiple businesses and knew how to delegate, and wasn’t afraid of luxuriating in what he’d earned for himself. He liked expensive food, clothing, watches, and technology. For all Efnisien knew, the baby blue cuff around his wrist might be several hundred dollars, maybe more. The buckle alone looked well-crafted and pricey.

He followed Kadek up the stairs, where Kadek paused at a closed door that had a doorknocker on it in the shape of a dark pewter bear with a ring in its mouth.

Efnisien wondered if he should feel weirder about being naked, but he didn’t. He’d been to enough play parties here, seen enough nudity, that he didn’t mind. Though he hoped Kadek didn’t find him repulsive. He knew Kadek hadn’t played sexually with a guy before, and he couldn’t imagine Kadek would want to touch him that way today.

‘Okay,’ Kadek said, placing his hand flat on the door. ‘We are roleplaying a scenario in this scene. You’re going to be a new hire that I’m vetting to see if you’ll be worthy of my attention and time. I’m going to talk about you, and to you, like it’s an unconventional interview, and you are going to behave like you’re eager to get the job, and uncertain if you’re up to par. Which, going by your general personality, I think will come pretty easily to you.’

For the first time that night, Kadek’s gaze softened properly, and Efnisien felt like he was grabbing onto the small smile that Kadek gave, that glimpse of softness Efnisien had seen in the past.

‘If you ask for mercy,’ Kadek said, ‘the scene won’t break, but I will lighten up on whatever I’m doing. If you safeword, the roleplay will temporarily or permanently break depending on the safeword you use, and we’ll talk about it. Do you understand?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said, clearing his throat a couple of times.

Kadek looked at him for a long time, then his eyes moved to the cuff around Efnisien’s wrist. With that, he opened the door.

He walked in past Efnisien, and waited at the door for Efnisien to enter, pointing wordlessly to a plush, circular sage green rug on the floor that had a thick pile. Efnisien went to stand on the rug immediately, and then as Kadek kept pointing, he knelt down, needing to use an arm to brace himself. He felt so clumsy. He knew some people could just get up and lower themselves like it was easy.

‘So!’ Kadek said. His voice snapped into place in a way that had Efnisien’s attention locking on him. ‘I don’t normally hire men, but you’ve come highly recommended. We’ll see about that, shall we? I’m a busy man and I don’t have the time or inclination to deal with someone who can’t handle my demands.’

Kadek closed the door, locked it, and walked to his desk, which was sturdy, varnished black wood, with two computer monitors on it. Efnisien knew he actually worked in here. There was a large wall of bookshelves to the right, the woodgrain matching the desk. To the left was a long console table with a bottle of whiskey on it and one tumbler resting on a wooden platter. An armchair was behind Efnisien, black and leather, with a small table beside it. The walls were the same sage green as the rug, the floor beneath that was pale cream floorboards, which matched the same cream as the chandelier, as a sculpture of a woman’s naked, reclining body on one shelf.

It wasn’t like the lounge with all of Kadek’s figurines in it, or the lounge with the video games and the TV near the kitchen.

Kadek leaned with his hips against his desk and looked at Efnisien critically enough that Efnisien had to look away.

‘No,’ Kadek said. ‘You look at me.’

Efnisien swallowed. Ah, shit. Had they even talked about eye contact for the contract? They hadn’t, had they? Efnisien looked at him, trying not to clench his hands together.

‘Are you unable to speak?’ Kadek said, his voice sharper.

‘Uh, no, sir. Sorry, sir,’ Efnisien said.

‘That’s something, at least,’ Kadek said, looking unimpressed. ‘I don’t know what you’ve been told about this job, but I don’t want someone who can’t think for himself. Now stand and present, and let me get a look at you.’

Efnisien didn’t know what it meant to “present,” and he stood, wondering if that was something he was meant to know.

Kadek looked annoyed when Efnisien stood there, and after a few frantic seconds of not knowing what to do, Efnisien said:

‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what you mean by “present.”’

‘Seriously?’ Kadek said. ‘God, not another fresh one. I’ll show you then, shall I?’

Kadek walked over and came directly into Efnisien’s space, close enough it was intimidating. Kadek’s hands were warm as they wrapped around Efnisien’s wrists and drew his arms behind his back.

‘Like this,’ Kadek said. ‘Grasp your wrists and hold them in place. Yes, like that. Now push your chest out.’

A hand at his spine, fingers pressing forwards until Efnisien felt like he was thrusting his chest forward in a way that felt very revealing.

He startled when he felt fingers at his inner thighs.

‘Apart,’ Kadek said. ‘Shoulder width.’

Efnisien shuffled into place, his breathing speeding up, staring ahead. It was good to grasp his own wrists behind his back, because it gave him something to hang onto.

‘Head up, look forward,’ Kadek commanded.

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said, looking ahead.

‘This is what I want when I ask you to present,’ Kadek said, walking around Efnisien and studying his body. Efnisien expected insults. He felt oddly like he was back in An Fnwy estate, and Crielle was looking at whatever he’d selected to wear for the opera. ‘Chest forward,’ Kadek snapped.

Efnisien realised he’d been shrinking into himself, and he had to force himself to pay attention.

He remembered Kadek saying he was going to be pretty stressed out if he didn’t focus on what Kadek wanted.

He took a slow breath, exhaled, felt unsteady. Oh, this was going to remind him of Crielle way more than what he did with Arden. Way more.

A safeword rested on the tip of his tongue to call it quits completely. He could say blue, and they could spend the next few weeks just hanging out together. He didn’t have to do this for Kadek, and he was pretty sure Kadek would be okay about it, even if he didn’t understand.

But Efnisien wanted to try, and wanted to be good, and so he focused on the pose, and keeping his chest forward, and waited.

Kadek laughed, low and soft, dragging a finger down the centre of Efnisien’s chest, stopping at his ribs, above the scars on his abdomen.

‘Oh dear, we might as well put you through your paces, pretty boy. I didn’t ask for a greenhorn, but they can be fun. Let’s see if you can handle it, hm?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said, and hoped he could handle whatever the next forty minutes would bring.

Chapter Text

Kadek walked around Efnisien’s body again, making him jump when he grabbed Efnisien’s ass cheeks in his hands.

‘Do you bruise easily?’ Kadek asked.

‘I…don’t know, sir,’ Efnisien said. He didn’t do much impact at all with Arden, and a lot of impact play was a hard limit with Arden.

‘Nothing like breaking in a fresh ass,’ Kadek said to himself, squeezing harder. Efnisien worked on staying in position.

It was a shock when one of Kadek’s hands reached around and took hold of his penis. Efnisien sucked in a breath and held it.

It had taken ages to get to something like this with Arden. Ages. And even now, there were still things they didn’t do without talking about it first. Efnisien hadn’t made it a soft limit to be touched in this way with Kadek, but that still didn’t mean it wasn’t strange and unsettling. Especially the way he was just standing there, naked, and Kadek was just…feeling the length, palpating like a doctor might. It felt so clinical.

Efnisien’s breathing was faster, shallower.

‘You’re acting like a virgin,’ Kadek drawled. ‘I happen to know you’re not one. Surely the person who told you about me told you what I liked?’

‘I- Yes… Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said.

‘This innocence act, is it real?’

Do you want it to be?

Efnisien closed his eyes, glad Kadek couldn’t see it, sure he’d be reprimanded if he’d noticed. He tried not to squirm as Kadek’s fingers pushed back and cupped his balls. It was so familiar and invasive. He’d never act like this if he was watching or taking part in a scene with Arden. It felt like pure ownership.

‘I don’t know if I’m that innocent, sir,’ Efnisien said finally, breathless, ‘but some of this is new to me. I’m up for a challenge, sir.’

‘I don’t know if I am,’ Kadek said, letting go of Efnisien’s balls and penis and walking back around. Efnisien met his gaze, expecting to be told to look away. He wasn’t. ‘You realise you’re here to make my life easier, right? I’m not here to make your life easier. You say you’re up for a challenge. Let’s see how true that is. Get me a drink, will you? And kneel over there.’

Kadek gestured to the side of the armchair – a flat green cushion already on the ground – and walked over to it, sitting and crossing one leg over the other. When Efnisien hesitated, Kadek moved his hand in an impatient gesture.

‘Well?’ he said.

Efnisien broke position, looking around quickly. The only drink he could see in the room was the whiskey and the tumbler glass. He thought he should ask if that was what Kadek wanted, but he felt like he was supposed to know.

He walked over to the bottle of whiskey and didn’t know exactly how much he should pour. One finger? Two? Just one. His hand shook, but he didn’t spill any, and as he turned – holding the glass in his hand – Kadek made a sound like he was unimpressed. Efnisien froze.

‘If you’re going to test my patience this much, you might as well give me more, yeah? Go on, don’t be stingy, now.’

Efnisien turned back and poured more into the glass, filling it up about a third of the way.

Kadek didn’t reprimand him this time when Efnisien approached, and he handed him the glass. Kadek took it without looking at him, scrolling what looked like the stock market on his phone.

Efnisien knelt, and Kadek placed his glass down and was going to miss the table. It bumped into Efnisien’s fingers as he reached up to take it, so he could put it on the table for Kadek.

Kadek looked over sharply, his eyes narrowed.

‘God, you really are new. Take the tray on the side table,’ Kadek said, like he was talking to a two-year-old, ‘and hold it so I have somewhere to put my drink.’

Efnisien looked at the black tray on the side table, which was right next to him. Kadek could literally put the drink there. For a few seconds he baulked, because this was fucking servitude, and he wasn’t a fucking table, and he…

And…

And that was exactly what Kadek said he liked. It wasn’t like Kadek had lied to him, but there was a kind of absurdity in Kadek wanting Efnisien to balance the drink on a tray he was holding, instead of on the table right next to him.

Kadek seemed to sense Efnisien was struggling, because he didn’t push, and he definitely had a window to. Efnisien could tell that if their dynamic was more established, he’d be called out for waiting so long, for thinking it over like this.

Efnisien reached for the tray and held it in his hands, and Kadek placed the glass on it. And great, now Efnisien had to worry about making sure the drink didn’t spill. He was holding his arms up, knew this was a stress position, because he wouldn’t be able to do this forever, and he didn’t know how long Kadek wanted him to hold the tray with the drink on it for.

Time passed, Efnisien’s knees beginning to ache once more, faster this time. He felt the strain in his upper arms after about three minutes and brought them gingerly back towards his chest to brace his elbows against his ribs.

Kadek scrolled his phone, texted occasionally, and reached out and took the drink without even looking at Efnisien to sip and then place it back.

There came a point when Efnisien’s arms burned in a way he could no longer tune out, and he adjusted his hold on the tray so he could grasp it more firmly. Kadek looked over at that, lifting an eyebrow, and Efnisien said nothing and hoped this part wouldn’t last too much longer.

There was no subspace in this, no disappearing into it. Efnisien was acutely aware of himself, his body, his nakedness, his increasingly aching arms, and how little of the drink Kadek had sipped so far. He wanted to look at Kadek’s phone, but it was tilted in a way that meant he couldn’t see the contents. He felt increasingly agitated, and didn’t want to ask for a break, and didn’t even know if he could.

He could safeword, or ask for mercy, but mercy was reserved for when he was nearing a limit.

Did a literal physical limit count?

‘How sore are your arms?’ Kadek said, staring at his phone, fingers moving across the screen.

‘They’re…sore, sir,’ Efnisien said.

Kadek looked over at him, then put his phone face down on the armrest. He took the glass and the tray away from Efnisien and placed them on the side table, and Efnisien got a clear view of the tremor in his left forearm. He didn’t lower his arms yet.

‘Your knees?’ Kadek said.

‘They’re okay, sir,’ Efnisien said.

Truthfully, he didn’t know for sure. The ache had gotten pretty intense, but Efnisien was so focused on the tray and the glass of whiskey he’d eventually tuned the pain out. He had a feeling it was going to hurt when he stood. Worse than before. He’d said on his contract that he could kneel for thirty minutes, but maybe that wasn’t true anymore. Or maybe the cushions were different at Arden’s.

Kadek’s hand came out and slid into Efnisien’s hair, scratching softly at the side of his head, before pulling Efnisien’s hair up in a tight grip.

Efnisien’s eyelids fluttered. God, he’d never tire of that. He forced his eyes back open and stared at Kadek.

‘You are pretty,’ Kadek said musingly. ‘That might make up for everything I’m going to have to teach you. One thing you should know about me is that I like to cause pain, even when it’s not for a punishment. Don’t get me wrong, I will punish you if I feel the need. But you’re being paid so well in this job to accept all of my tastes, and that includes all of them.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said.

‘If I want to fuck you, I will,’ Kadek said. ‘If I want to whip you until you cry, just because I’m having a bad day and want to see someone’s tears, I will.’

Efnisien felt breathless. Fucking him was a hard limit for today, but not next time. Whipping him until he cried was a soft limit, and Efnisien had a moment to think he was crazy for allowing it. This was Kadek. He hated crying in front of Kadek.

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said, his voice strained.

‘Stand and present,’ Kadek ordered abruptly.

Efnisien pushed up, and pain lanced through his right knee. He cried out without meaning to, suppressing the sound only halfway, and he tried to ignore it, then flinched when hands came out and grasped him at the arm, the hip.

‘All right, then,’ Kadek said to himself. ‘So you can’t kneel for thirty minutes.’

‘I’m sorry, sir,’ Efnisien said quickly.

‘Hush. Get your feet under you. Do you need to sit?’

Kadek somehow kept up the persona, even as he gave Efnisien the physical support he needed to stand properly. And Efnisien felt humiliated that he couldn’t manage something basic, like kneeling, when he knew submissives that could do it for longer than an hour. His breathing was audible. He didn’t want to embarrass himself like this, didn’t want to embarrass Kadek.

‘No, sir,’ Efnisien said finally. His knee didn’t hurt as much now that he was standing, and after a few seconds he slipped into the presenting position, even though he felt like he wanted to hide, and didn’t want to have to push his chest forward.

Kadek kept his hand on Efnisien’s hip, his smile more of a smirk.

‘A nicer man would let you sit,’ Kadek said. ‘I am not a nicer man. Go bend over the desk, facing the window.’

Bending over anything – a lap, a desk, a bed – that was all a soft limit. Efnisien mentally ticked it off in his head. That was one. Kadek had one more.

Efnisien considered the large desk, standing in front of a space where – if he bent over – he wouldn’t be bumping into a computer monitor. He hated the inherent shame he felt at the idea of having to bend over and display himself for what was probably going to be a punishment or something sexual. Even the pose made his ears burn.

‘You’re not trying to waste my time by making me wait, are you?’ Kadek said from behind him.

Efnisien sucked in a breath and forced himself down, grimacing, placing his hands flat on the desk.

‘No,’ Kadek said, walking over. ‘That’s not how you do it. When I ask you to bend over a desk, you’re going to do it like this.’

Kadek pushed into the inside of Efnisien’s elbow, getting his arms bent until his forearms were flat on the desk. Then Kadek’s hand in his hair again, pushing his head down until his nose nearly touched the wood.

Kadek let go of his hair and slid one arm down his spine to his lower back. Efnisien yelped when Kadek’s other hand grasped him between his legs – soft penis and balls in one hot palm – and simultaneously pushed up there, while pushing down at Efnisien’s lower back.

‘Arch your back,’ Kadek instructed. ‘Display your ass.’

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He was literally being manhandled into position, and he felt stripped back, fingers scraping against the desk as he dipped his back into an arch and then winced when he realised it wasn’t steep enough for Kadek and the pressure continued. It ached where Kadek pushed his balls up, and he grunted softly, trying to make the position work properly.

By the time Kadek was done, Efnisien’s chest was low, his legs straight behind him, ass as high in the air as it could be without him going up to his tiptoes. He breathed quickly, fogging up the desk.

‘Like that,’ Kadek said. ‘You are not just here to assist me in my work. You are decoration, and you will display your body appropriately. Do you understand?’

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said shakily, and watched as Kadek walked around the desk and opened a drawer. It was so hard to keep the position, not because the position itself was tough to maintain – although it would be if enough time went by – but because Kadek could just move around normally, in his suit, and Efnisien was… He was on display. This wasn’t like hiding in ropes or being allowed to disappear at Arden’s feet. He felt like he had a spotlight on him. Like he was meant to be seen.

Kadek brought out a box from the drawer, and walked back around behind Efnisien, so he couldn’t see what was inside. Efnisien stared at the window and the closed curtains in front of him, then looked back down at the table. He wondered how many people had been here in this position before. He hoped he was doing an okay job; he was sure almost everyone else did it better than him.

He almost wanted to tell Kadek it was okay if he didn’t hire him. Which was stupid, because this wasn’t even real. It was a roleplay. It was just…

It felt real. Efnisien didn’t know if he’d ever measure up as a submissive who automatically knew what to do, how to act.

Efnisien pushed halfway up off the desk when he felt lubricant-wet fingers move between his ass cheeks, eyes wide, and he hissed when Kadek’s other hand fisted up his hair and pushed his face down to the wood.

‘Behave,’ Kadek said, his voice low. ‘You’ve given me no cause to punish you today. Do not give me one.’

‘Sorry, sir,’ Efnisien said. ‘It… It was a shock.’

It was a shock. Efnisien had listed anal penetration and sex as a hard limit for today, and Kadek’s fingers were literally right there, over his hole, stroking casually. Because Efnisien hadn’t barred touch, and it felt like Kadek was right up against that limit knowingly, testing the situation to see how Efnisien would react.

‘I know,’ Kadek said. ‘Nonetheless, you have your instructions.’

Efnisien went back down to his forearms, pushed his ass back up, and made a face into the table as Kadek reached underneath and wrapped slick fingers around his soft penis, massaged his balls. After a while, that whole area felt warm, wet, overstimulated, and Efnisien wasn’t hard yet – he might not get hard at all – but he was still surprised at how…good Kadek was at touching him.

Kadek hadn’t slept with any guys. He’d been candid about it, but he didn’t seem to be shy touching Efnisien like that at all. Efnisien thought he’d ease into it, not act with this level of confidence and ownership.

‘Are you nervous?’ Kadek asked, sounding like he was smiling.

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Why?’

‘I… The…’ His thoughts scrambled. It was a roleplay. He quickly tried to think of how to convey what he was thinking. ‘The person who recommended you to me, told me you didn’t- That you weren’t interested in men, sir. Like that.’

‘I would have thought that once, too,’ Kadek said, and Efnisien knew this went well beyond the roleplay. This was true. ‘But here we are. Tell me, boy, when was the last time someone spanked you?’

Efnisien pressed his lips together. He didn’t know if he could handle that. Not now. Not after everything. His arms ached. His knees ached. He felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, like Kadek had him on a leash and wanted to keep him there, like he could let Efnisien fall at any point.

‘It’s been a long time, sir,’ Efnisien whispered.

‘Even better,’ Kadek said, reaching for something and wiping his fingers on a paper towel. ‘I want you to understand something. I’m not doing this to punish you. I’m doing this because I want to. You’re here for me, understand? Proving that you understand that…well, that would make me very pleased indeed.’

Efnisien’s eyes sank shut as Kadek rested one hand at Efnisien’s lower back, and the other on his ass cheek.

‘Yes… Yes, sir,’ Efnisien said.

Here was the other soft limit. Spanking. Let alone spanking while bent over a table. He suddenly understood why Kadek said two soft limits in combination could become a hard limit.

Efnisien looked inside himself to see if it was a hard limit. Part of him wanted to safeword out, but it wasn’t large enough to pay attention to. He always felt a bit like that during a difficult scene. Kadek said he would be hard on him. Well, he was definitely doing that.

‘Good,’ Kadek said, a word that Efnisien clung to. ‘I won’t ask you to count. Keep position as best as you can.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Efnisien whispered.

The first spank wasn’t overly hard. It didn’t rock him forward, it didn’t really hurt, though Efnisien realised that arching his back up like this stretched out the muscle and fat on his ass cheeks and made it thinner, so the impacts would be more intense, with less cushioning for his bones beneath.

Kadek started with a slow, steady rhythm, alternating ass cheeks, occasionally moving down to his upper thighs. Efnisien closed his eyes and wanted to rest his head on the desk, trying to parse the sensations. It wasn’t as bad as he expected, in terms of humiliation. Though knowing they’d always have this between them made a part of him quake. What if Kadek used it against him one day?

It was one thing to joke about how nice someone looked tied up in ropes. Efnisien didn’t think he could handle joking about this.

‘You really aren’t used to this,’ Kadek said to himself, as he increased the force of the open-handed slaps. Efnisien found it bearable, so far. A faint sting sometimes, but nothing that exploded through his mind. Maybe he could handle it. A small tinge of pride, that maybe he could do this, maybe he could handle Kadek in scenes like this.

It wasn’t the same as with Arden, but it was-

-The next spank was hard, landing with a dull smacking noise that wasn’t as sharp and loud as the others. Efnisien rocked forward from the blow, gasping, a sting awakening as an itchy burn in his skin, a dull ache in his muscles beneath.

Kadek continued, picking up speed, occasionally staying too long at the backs of Efnisien’s thighs, where the skin pulled tighter and hurt faster.

At one particular slap, Efnisien squirmed, his hips twisted sideways. Just for a second. Just to catch his breath.

‘No,’ Kadek said. ‘Don’t ruin it.’

A hand guiding him back into place as the spanks continued over increasingly hot and then burning skin. Efnisien wasn’t crying, but his eyes were screwed up and he was resting his forehead against the desk now, condensation on the wood beneath his mouth and fingers.

Harder than the spanks – which hurt every time now – was the endeavour of keeping position. He couldn’t writhe and squirm like he needed to. He couldn’t kick back with his legs. He knew this position was about endurance, about showing he could handle it.

He didn’t know if he could.

His breathing turned to gasps, and he cried out at one particular nasty strike at the curve of his ass and thigh. He nearly called it quits right then, except a blow followed and smashed the thoughts out of his mind.

‘That is such a pleasant shade of red,’ Kadek said, rubbing his palm firmly over Efnisien’s warm, stinging skin.

Efnisien yelped and bucked forwards when Kadek pinched the skin of his ass up harshly between his knuckles. It was a nasty grip.

‘When I compliment you, you thank me,’ Kadek said. ‘Back into position.’

Ah, everything was falling apart. Efnisien tried to remember how he was supposed to bend over, and stammered out a thanks, even as Kadek kept the skin pinched up cruelly, the pain forcing him to focus on Kadek and nothing else.

‘Thank me for the shade of red, pretty boy. Be specific.’

Efnisien opened his mouth, and then took several deep, quick breaths. Ah, this was really humiliating, actually. It was so much easier to joke about stupid shit with Kadek than to encounter this side of him.

‘Th-thank you for…for the shade of red, sir.’

‘You’re welcome,’ Kadek said smoothly, smug and triumphant, and not someone Efnisien could tease or make fun of anymore. He felt squeezed into shape, back still arched, skin throbbing. It had to be ending soon, didn’t it?

They were done, weren’t they?

Efnisien’s breathing choked slightly when Kadek moved closer to him, suit coat pressing against his side and stinging thigh, and a hand wrapped around his penis again and started moving with slow, firm confidence.

Efnisien’s muscles locked to stop himself from moving away. That touch now, when he was already sore, felt too much, too close. He wasn’t generally a sexual being, he didn’t get hard from this kind of pain, and Kadek’s grip felt good despite Efnisien not really wanting it.

He hadn’t listed it as a limit at all. Handjobs were fully on the table.

Efnisien moaned softly in despair.

‘Does it take you a while to get hard?’ Kadek asked.

‘I might not, sir,’ Efnisien managed, and then made a high, thin sound when fingernails scraped across the sore, reddened backs of his thighs.

‘Interesting. Well, we have time. Bodies are quite simple, really. It’s mechanical. Even if you don’t want it, enough stimulation and your cock will get on board, whether you want it or not.’

Kadek’s other hand started spanking him again, far lighter this time, though it mattered less now that Efnisien’s skin was sore. The lighter slaps were stingy, and Efnisien’s forehead furrowed as he tried to process all the sensations. It hurt, it felt good. He was getting hard slowly, very slowly, and he was trying to keep position, locking his knees and focusing on not sounding like he was falling apart. He was convinced Kadek needed him to not do that.

Kadek played him easily, though sometimes it felt detached, like a boss doing a favour for a worker. It was a new kind of invasive, one that made Efnisien feel objectified and wanted at the same time.

‘There,’ Kadek said, when Efnisien was fully hard in his hand, moving more firmly, persuasively, with a long tug and squeeze at the end of every upstroke that had Efnisien wanting to buckle forward into his grip. ‘See? Doesn’t matter how you feel about it, just takes a willing body.’

Efnisien blinked, dazed, at the words. Arden favoured forced pleasure and uncomfortable intensity. If he was bringing Efnisien to orgasm, it was rarely this gentle. And this wasn’t exactly gentle, but Kadek wasn’t squeezing too hard. He wasn’t spanking him anymore; he was just standing there in his suit, his hand rubbing smoothly over Efnisien’s ass.

Efnisien’s knees wanted to cave, he wanted to bow in, stop arching his back, he wanted to slump fully onto the table. Every position he wanted to fall into, he couldn’t, because he was meant to be good for Kadek. And if he was meant to be good for Kadek…

They hadn’t discussed it at all in the contract, but Efnisien thought he should probably ask, anyway.

‘Sir,’ Efnisien breathed, absently.

‘Mm?’ Kadek said, and Efnisien knew he was smiling. ‘What’s that?’

‘Am I…? Am I allowed? To come?’

‘Oh, aren’t you sweet?’

Kadek kept moving his hand, and Efnisien’s muscles strained as he fought to stop himself from pressing forward. It felt inexorable. Aside from the burn in his muscles, and across his ass, he wasn’t in as much pain as he was used to at this point, and as a result, the orgasm was building faster than he thought it could.

‘Sir? Am I?’ Efnisien said, faintly frantic.

‘Of course you can,’ Kadek said, laughing. ‘Why would I do this to you, and expect you to hold back? Be a good secretary, now, and follow the directions, yeah? You have one job, baby boy, and that’s to hold position, and come whenever you’re ready.’

Despite the building urgency, it took longer than he expected. Efnisien wasn’t good at reading his body, this situation was new, the position made it hard to fall into the pleasure, because he couldn’t relax into it the way he normally did. Arden knew that about him. Efnisien got enough sensory feedback – pain or pleasure – and he couldn’t follow instructions anymore.

Kadek probably knew that, too.

Efnisien groaned in frustration, gasping several times, hands clenching into fists as his arms shook with the force of concentrating, holding himself up.

Kadek didn’t alter his grip or his movements, but he pressed closer, his other hand reaching around Efnisien’s back and grasping him by the opposite hip. Efnisien grunted, realised he felt more secure than before, and canted into Kadek’s grip without thinking.

The pleasure built, strummed his nerves, and a ball of emotions built behind it. Nerves that it was Kadek and not Arden. Amazement that this could happen with Kadek at all, that Efnisien had allowed all these things, survived all these things, and hadn’t used a safeword once. That the approach to orgasm didn’t feel like ascending to a peak, but falling down, faster and faster, until his voice was breaking on thin noises, and he could hear Kadek breathing now, audible and maybe even turned on.

Efnisien gasped again and then held his breath as he crossed that line inside himself, the pleasure breaking acutely into something he was sure he used to feel as a child when he murdered an animal, sometimes, that he felt at chaotic, hard-to-place moments. An orgasm was like a punch.

Sometimes, it was like a knife to the gut.

‘Oh fuck,’ Efnisien bit out, his forehead thudding into the desk from how intense he came, unable to focus as Kadek wiggled a hand between the table and Efnisien’s forehead, even closer now, saying something that didn’t sound angry. Efnisien was aware of tears in his eyes, fingers digging into unforgiving wood, knees shaking, thighs shaking.

‘Down,’ Kadek ordered firmly, and Efnisien had no idea what he meant until he felt the pressure at his lower back sliding around to his flank. ‘Kneel down.’

Efnisien knew there was probably a proper way to do it, but his knees went out from under him, and it was only his arms sliding along the desk – in the condensation his body heat had left behind – that caught his fall.

‘Good,’ Kadek said, crouching by Efnisien’s side, carefully unbuckling the baby blue cuff around his wrist. Efnisien had forgotten it was even there. ‘Good boy. It’s over, babe. The scene’s over. God, it really takes it out of you when you come, huh? That’s-’

Efnisien heard the shift in Kadek’s voice. Viscerally knew it was over in a way that felt more profound than some of the other scenes he’d been in. He opened his mouth to catch his breath, and began to cry, the sobs cutting off Kadek’s words mid-sentence.

Chapter Text

Efnisien didn’t know why he expected Kadek to be annoyed by his crying, but he did, and he tried to turn away only for hands to grasp him around the shoulders.

‘Hey, hey, what are you doing?’ Kadek said, some of that earlier firmness coming back. ‘You don’t need to hide, babe, that was a hard scene for you, and-’

‘-I bet no one else finds it hard,’ Efnisien choked out, rubbing furiously at his eyes.

It was so much easier to let Arden see this side of him, but the reality was it had never been easy, especially in the beginning.

‘Going to start calling you my little whirlpool, the way you spiral,’ Kadek said softly, standing up and grunting softly as he pulled Efnisien up with him. ‘Come on, we’re going to my room for ten minutes so you can decompress somewhere warm. Can you walk?’

‘Yes,’ Efnisien said, annoyed. He immediately winced. ‘Sorry. Shit. Sorry.’

‘Going to give you two options, pretty boy,’ Kadek said, as Efnisien walked on legs that felt more gangly than they had in a while, towards Kadek’s bedroom on the second floor. ‘First option is that I dom you through aftercare, like, gently. Not like the actual scene, but I’m going to be telling you what to do and when to shut up. The second is you can have your strop, and we’ll debrief about it later. Which one? First or second?’

Efnisien had a few choice words to say about Kadek calling his emotional outburst a strop, to the point where he was starting to think they’d never do this again, and finally he choked out the first number to stop himself from yelling and saying something he’d really regret.

He didn’t know why he was so angry.

‘Good boy,’ Kadek said quietly, the words like a few drops of cool water into the heat of Efnisien’s distress. ‘Come on. Let me talk for a while now. You know how much I love the sound of my voice. Now it’s your cue to scoff at me. Perfect. Now, let me just…’ Kadek opened the door handle to his bedroom. He always kept all the doors in his house closed, and Efnisien didn’t know why. Even his bedroom was like that.

Kadek wouldn’t remove his arm from around Efnisien’s waist, and Efnisien wanted to push him away and say that he was taller, and he was stronger, and he wasn’t forty-six years old like Kadek, and he could fucking handle it, actually. He could handle it.

And he knew, distantly, he was in a weird subdrop, and he didn’t know what was happening, because he didn’t react like this to Arden.

‘I can feel you panicking,’ Kadek said, quickly turning down the thick blankets to his bed with a flick of his wrist. ‘Down you go.’

Efnisien winced a little as his naked ass hit the sheets. It wasn’t too bad, in the grand scheme of things, but he still didn’t love the material against his spanked ass cheeks. He didn’t lie down. He didn’t need to lie down. What, he’d gotten there at 7pm and it was probably only 8pm now? Maybe earlier. Efnisien felt a shudder go through him, then another one, and then he was shaking properly.

Kadek yanked the top doona cover off his king-sized bed and bundled it around Efnisien until he felt like he was inside a fluffy fabric cloud. Kadek stood in front of him, and took both of Efnisien’s hands in his, holding them in his warm ones.

‘Listen to me,’ Kadek said. ‘You can tell me I’m wrong later, but I’m going to make some guesses because I’m not bad at this. You’re freaking out because we did some stuff you don’t normally do with Arden. You’re freaking out because you’ve done nothing like that with me before and we just went from zero to me giving you a handjob while pretending you’re my new secretary and I’m your strict, mean boss. You and me are used to having an occasionally snarky banter with each other, and you’re thinking you have to snap back into that instantly, and you’re not giving yourself any goddamned grace after going through a scene like that, which you’re already devaluing by saying that anyone can handle it. Don’t do that to me. I worked hard on that scene.’

Efnisien blinked up at Kadek in shock, eyes wide, because out of everything, he didn’t expect a lecture about that. Kadek’s smile was gentle and reproving.

‘Yeah, there we go, babe. That’s it. I’m part of this too. That scene was hard on you, like I told you it would be. If it was too hard on you, the time to talk about that will be later, after you get some rest, some warmth, something to drink and something to eat. And to head off my dom drop, I need you to understand that I crafted that scene in advance, thinking about different contingencies based on different outcomes, studying that contract, and all your limits, to introduce you to this without babying you. You know I do that, and I definitely think you’re worth that. Maybe you didn’t like it, maybe you hated it, you can tell me that later, ideally with some respect. I’m scared too, Ef. You weren’t the only person doing that wild-as-balls speedrun.’

Efnisien kept blinking up at him, and Kadek reached out slowly and smeared the tears away from under Efnisien’s eyes, the touch careful and sure at the same time.

‘See?’ Kadek said. ‘It’s not me against you. I promise.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Kadek leaned in and Efnisien tensed, wildly thinking Kadek was about to kiss him, but Kadek rested his forehead against Efnisien’s and buried his hands into Efnisien’s hair and sighed explosively. After a few more seconds, he started slowly and gently stroking Efnisien’s scalp with his fingertips, which sent a pleasant shiver down Efnisien’s spine. He was sweaty, and gross, but this was nice.

‘Good?’ Kadek said.

Efnisien nodded.

‘Focus on that for a while.’

Efnisien did, and after another minute or two, sagged forwards without thinking about it, so that Kadek was holding his head up and stopping it from drooping. And that, somehow, became Kadek standing between his legs and folding Efnisien’s head against his belly, stroking Efnisien’s hair and neck and shoulders in long, languid strokes.

Efnisien stopped shaking, and then absently rubbed his face against Kadek’s stomach, wanting the texture of his shirt all over his face.

Kadek squawked out in unexpected laughter and then grasped Efnisien’s hair. ‘Cute, but I’m ticklish.’

Efnisien made a noise of acknowledgement and tensed his neck to stop himself from doing it again. He wanted to keep doing it, now that he’d started. He never understood what he liked about it, only that Arden encouraged it after a scene, and Efnisien found it soothing.

‘Here,’ Kadek said, moving one of his hands so that it was in front of Efnisien’s face. ‘Do it on my hand.’

Efnisien did, rubbing his nose and cheeks into Kadek’s palm, until his forehead rested there instead.

‘Hey presto,’ Kadek said. ‘Turns out I can still land a plane.’

‘M’not a plane,’ Efnisien muttered. His breathing had slowed, and while he didn’t need to sleep, he was feeling pleasantly foggy. Crisis averted.

‘Yeah, you are,’ Kadek said, and smiled. ‘A cute lil’ plane. You hungry? Guess what I made for dinner?’

Efnisien reached up with his hands and held onto Kadek’s wrist, pressing Kadek’s palm harder against his face.

‘Soto ayam,’ Kadek said, like that was an answer.

‘You did?’ Efnisien said, looking up at him.

‘Uh huh,’ Kadek said, smile broadening. ‘Sure did. We have krupuk, and leftover perkedel, and I put extra lontong in just for you. Sambal optional.’

Efnisien thought of Kadek not just planning the scene, but also the food they’d eat during aftercare, and swallowed the new lump in his throat. Soto ayam was one of Efnisien’s favourite dishes, because it was chicken soup, with vermicelli noodles, and it was so comforting and so good. He’d had nothing like it growing up, not even the western version, Crielle would never allow comfort food, and he knew Kadek made Efnisien’s comfort meal specifically because of this.

‘Also,’ Kadek said, and then hesitated. He looked aside for a few seconds and then looked back at Efnisien, decisive. ‘You’re staying the night.’

‘Oh, but-’

‘-Be mad at me tomorrow, but no way am I letting you go home to sleep alone after what just happened,’ Kadek said. ‘You can stay in the guestroom, or with me, or on the couch for all I care, but you’re staying here.’

Efnisien thought he should have put up more of a fight, but in the end, he didn’t want to go home either. He just nodded.

‘Cool,’ Kadek said. ‘Well, we’re going to debrief and talk about all of this tomorrow, okay? I think you need time to process.’

‘Do you…? Do you need anything? You never put any of your limits or safewords or anything on the contract,’ Efnisien said. ‘Arden did.’

‘Arden’s got way more limits than I do,’ Kadek said, shrugging a shoulder. ‘Eh, I kind of half-assed my side of things. I’m already getting a lot of what I want, and I also have zero problems telling you what helps me if I need that. Come on, if you’re feeling well enough to talk like this, you’re well enough to get dressed and eat some food. Do you want me to put moisturiser on your ass, or do you want to do it?’

‘Uh,’ Efnisien said, cheeks flushing red. ‘That’s…’

‘You can do it today,’ Kadek said, opening a drawer and pulling out a pot of moisturiser. ‘If we go harder than that in the future, I’ll be doing it. Actually, I need to add a proviso to our aftercare in the contract, but it can wait. Also, don’t look at me like that, it’s nothing major, I just want to make a note that you need to be dommed out of the scene a bit. It’s normal to make tweaks like this, right? We’re still learning about each other.’

‘Okay,’ Efnisien said, taking the moisturiser. He definitely preferred Kadek being like this after a scene, instead of going straight back to the version of Kadek he saw most of the time.

‘Let me go get your clothes for you. I’ll be right back.’

Efnisien took the moisturiser and watched Kadek go and took a huge breath once he left. He stared at the pot of moisturiser and realised he’d survived the scene. It had been hard, he’d had his meltdown, and now here he was feeling weirdly kind of normal and okay and…like it was amazing he’d handled it at all.

He put the moisturiser on carefully, not too thick, since he hated the feeling of being sticky in his clothing. He winced at a few spots, but he’d gotten worse pain from rope, or Arden’s nails repeatedly scoring him in the same place, or his fucking teeth. The spanking had hurt, but the broad scale ache and burn now…

Oh shit, I think I like it.

He bit into his bottom lip, screwing the top back on the moisturiser and putting it on the black bedside table.

Kadek’s bedroom had seen one major renovation since Efnisien saw it the first time. Now it had sage green carpet, a large black wooden king-sized bed with black and green bedding, including a ridiculous number of decorative cushions, and even throw blankets at the end of the bed. Efnisien knew, as he looked at the side of the room to the large walk-in closet, that Kadek had a large mirror in there he could roll out when he wanted to.

Behind Kadek’s bed was a huge painting of Garuda Wisnu, which was commissioned for Kadek by his parents for his forty-fifth birthday. The power it conveyed when he saw it, the stylised god Wisnu riding Garuda, a giant winged creature, moved Efnisien. He knew little about Balinese Hinduism, and he knew Kadek wasn’t that religious, but he had a shrine and statues in his home, and he’d had no problems putting up a painting that was nearly as tall as he was in his bedroom, painted in gold and silver, striking black ink and vivid reds and greens.

He was still staring at the painting when Kadek returned.

‘An ostentatious guy needs an ostentatious god above his bed to witness all his sins, I’m pretty sure,’ Kadek said, handing Efnisien the basket of his clothes and his phone. ‘I fucking love that painting.’

‘Same,’ Efnisien said, getting dressed slowly, still feeling a bit dazed.

‘How are your knees?’

‘Sore,’ Efnisien admitted, he winced. ‘They’re going to hurt tomorrow morning.’

‘Yeah, cool. We’ll amend the contract.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Oof, no, that’s not what I was going for. Let me know how bad it is tomorrow, and we’ll figure out what your actual limits might be from that.’

Efnisien followed Kadek down the stairs, and curled up on an armchair in the lounge as he watched Kadek move easily and effortlessly through his own kitchen, still wearing the suit he’d been wearing before. Though, halfway through reheating the soup on the stove, he took off his suit jacket, and then took off the cufflinks. He unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt, and stretched hugely, yawning.

‘God, feels so good to scene like that,’ Kadek said. ‘Rope’s great, don’t get me wrong, but that kind of domination like…feeds me, in a different way.’

‘Yeah?’ Efnisien said quietly from the armchair, still drifting.

‘Oh yeah. I know we’re still finding out if you even like it, but if that’s the last time we ever do anything together, I’m glad we got to do it at least once. How hungry are you?’

‘Hungry,’ Efnisien said. ‘Actually…starving. I ate before coming over, but I was worried, so…’

‘Thought so,’ Kadek said, tasting the soup and adding more seasonings to it.

He dished up and Efnisien thought it would be weird – just the two of them eating at the table – but in the end it felt normal, comfortable. Efnisien had spent time at Kadek’s without Arden before, and being fed by Kadek was just part of what it was to visit Kadek’s house. The food was delicious, and the krupuk – crackers – had a texture that always had Efnisien eating a bunch before he realised he should slow down.

Afterwards, Efnisien was tired enough that he went to the couch with Kadek without complaint, as Kadek turned on some car racing program, and Efnisien rested his head on Kadek’s thigh.

Kadek’s arm rested along the side of Efnisien’s body, and Efnisien texted Arden that he’d survived his first scene with Kadek, and that he was doing pretty well, and that he hoped Arden was doing okay and wasn’t upset with him.

After all this time, he still expected Arden to suddenly change his mind and say it wasn’t okay.

I’m so happy for you, Arden sent back. I know it’s scary, and you can change up whatever you want, okay? I’m doing okay. I’m excited for you, and I’m making friends at the atelier, though no one beats you, sweetheart. Big feelings, princess.

Efnisien squeezed his phone.

Big feelings, he sent back.

*

He was still drifting when Kadek took him up to bed. Still drifting when he heard Kadek’s noise generator turning on, rain falling, and thunder rumbling in the background, even though it was dry outside. It was a hushing, soothing sound that made Efnisien feel ensconced in blankets on a cool, stormy night. He fell asleep in less than a minute, right after Kadek wished him sweet, sexy dreams in a way that made Efnisien want to poke him, if he’d had a smidge more energy.

*

Efnisien woke slowly, bent one of his legs and groaned roughly at the pain scratching through the joint.

‘Yep,’ Kadek said, his voice sleep-chafed. ‘That’s your knee, right?’

‘Ow,’ Efnisien managed.

‘You old fucking man,’ Kadek said, turning over.

‘Shut up,’ Efnisien grumped, shoving Kadek lightly with his fingertips.

‘You shut up.’

There was a pregnant pause in the air, where Efnisien expected Kadek to ask him serious questions about the night before.

Instead, Kadek dove beneath the blankets in a moment of surprising agility and pinned Efnisien down – arms on either side of his ribs – and blew a wet, noisy raspberry right into the middle of his sternum. Efnisien flailed, shrieking, and Kadek was already off his bed and laughing like that was the best thing ever.

‘What the fuck?’ Efnisien exclaimed.

‘Raspberry!’ Kadek said. ‘Morning, sleepyhead. I’ve already been up and gotten like three hours of work done. I was napping and waiting for you to get up.’

Efnisien pushed up, could tell from the weird feeling on the top of his head that his hair was doing something stupid, and squinted at the look on Kadek’s face, like he was holding himself back from mocking him for it.

‘Three hours?’ Efnisien said, reaching for his phone. ‘What the fuck? What- Oh my god. It’s ten. Why didn’t you wake me? What the hell?’

‘I wore you out,’ Kadek said triumphantly. ‘I’ve already showered. You slept through that. I made myself brekky, you slept through that. And you just snoozed through all of it. Am I a ten out of ten or what?’

‘Fuck me,’ Efnisien said, collapsing back to the pillows. He rubbed absently at his sternum, which was still wet with Kadek’s spit.

‘What do you want for breakfast, bestie? Never mind, I decided for you. It’s croissants. You want a shower first?’

‘Fuck me,’ Efnisien said, dragging the blankets up over his face. ‘Go away, Kadek.’

Kadek jumped onto his own bed, and Efnisien stubbornly clung onto the blankets as Kadek tried to dig him out from under them.

‘I’m so lonely,’ Kadek cried, bouncing on the bed on purpose. The frame was so well-made it didn’t even creak. ‘Keep me company. Come on.’

‘Arden’s the hyperactive one.’

‘I have to do the job of two men now,’ Kadek said, his voice breaking. ‘Two men! Okay, one man, and a very tiny man who’s in another country right now, so he can’t smack me for that. One-and-one-quarter man.’

‘I’m going to text him you said that.’

‘One-and-one…fifth of a man.’

‘You’re just a bully,’ Efnisien muttered, then grunted as Kadek gave up trying to get him out of the blankets and just laid on top of him, sandwiching him into the mattress. Efnisien could no longer take a full breath as easily, and he was overheating fast after all the movement.

‘Please, can you wake up properly so I can ask you when I can give you a handjob again? Pretty please? Please?’

Efnisien’s brain hiccupped, and then he pushed down the blankets so they could make eye contact. It was too early for how excited Kadek looked. Efnisien took a slow, careful breath.

‘And if I say never again?’ Efnisien said cautiously.

‘Then like, never again,’ Kadek said, serious for about ten seconds before his expression broke into a grin. ‘But, if you say we can again… You know…’

Kadek sat back on Efnisien’s hips and then placed the tips of his index fingers together, thumbs pointing up in the air, as he pouted.

‘It’d be weally, weally nice if you said yes,’ Kadek said.

‘Oh, my god!’ Efnisien cried out, kicking Kadek off him. Kadek landed on his feet, on the carpet, looking unrepentant. Efnisien groaned softly, his knees protesting the movement. When Kadek leaned over him, Efnisien stared up warily.

‘Your knees are bad, aren’t they?’ Kadek said, serious again, and Efnisien felt pathetic, and sorry for himself, and he wanted to be strong and have something fun and witty to say, but he just nodded. ‘Okay, babe. I’m gonna run you a bath. Get some more rest, okay?’

‘You’re walking whiplash,’ Efnisien said, as Kadek walked away.

‘I know, I know,’ Kadek said, waving a hand in the air. ‘Cut me some slack, feels like Christmas morning in here right now. Didn’t think it’d feel this good, if I’m being honest.’

Kadek disappeared into his bathroom, and Efnisien pressed the blanket up to his face as his cheeks and ears burned. Oh no, that was so disarmingly nice, and Efnisien felt like he was filling up with some sparkling thing he hadn’t felt for a while, and certainly not without Arden with him. Apprehension, excitement, fear…maybe even a sense of fun.

As the sound of a bath running filled the air, Efnisien lay back and stared up at the ceiling, feeling surprisingly light given everything they’d done the night before.

Maybe…this could work?

Chapter Text

Efnisien

*

After lunch, Efnisien checked in with the dog sitter, Camille, and stared at all the photos of Iris living her best life out with Camille’s gundogs on her property, then put his phone back in his pocket. He was nervous and stared at the glass of water on the table Kadek had fetched for him.

Kadek had his notebook out, a pen, and it was less than twenty-four hours, and they were already going into more negotiation.

‘Arden waited longer than this,’ Efnisien said, then winced. Kadek didn’t even look up at him as he turned several pages.

‘I’m not Arden,’ Kadek said.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have said it.’

‘You can say it,’ Kadek said, ‘and if you want to wait longer than this, you can tell me. I don’t like waiting too long, personally, for a lot of reasons. I’m confident you’re not in space anymore, and I realised we need to revisit a few things, and add a few things if you’re up for it.’

‘You’re always so serious about this stuff,’ Efnisien said, pressing his lips together. It made him think of the night before, naked and kneeling on the tiles by the front door or bending over a table while Kadek corrected his stance.

‘Yeah.’ Kadek smiled, the lines around his eyes crinkling. ‘Yeah, I am. Because I think this is worth that. And before you ask me about rope, I’m serious about that too, just differently. You good to revisit? Or do you think you want to forget about what we did and never go back there?’

Efnisien cleared his throat, ears burning, and looked away. ‘We can revisit.’

‘That’s what I thought,’ Kadek said, sounding absolutely insufferable. Efnisien forced himself to take a slower, deeper breath. ‘Now, I want an honest answer, please. How many times did you think about safewording last night? It’s okay if you can’t remember them all, and it’s okay if you didn’t think about it at all. But I want to know if you thought about it.’

Outside, magpies carolled their soft and fluting songs, drawn by the verdant abundance of Kadek’s garden and his plush lawn that hid all the grubs they plucked up in their sturdy white and black beaks. The sound of wind chimes, and all the scales they rang in, and how, despite having so many, they always sounded harmonious, like Kadek had thought of that too.

That was easier than answering Kadek’s question.

‘Three times, I think,’ Efnisien said. ‘Maybe four.’

Kadek nodded soberly and didn’t return Efnisien’s sheepish smile at all. ‘When did you think about using them, and why didn’t you?’

This wasn’t…what he’d expected at all. Efnisien nervously grasped the glass of water, then let it go, then grasped it again, and sipped some of it.

‘Feel like I’m in trouble,’ Efnisien muttered.

‘If it turns out you can’t take responsibility for yourself in a scene, you might be,’ Kadek said.

Efnisien didn’t flinch away, but it was a close thing. He felt hurt, but Kadek only kept eye contact for a few seconds longer and then sighed and leaned back in his chair.

‘I’m not trying to be mean, but I think this is the kind of thing we need to get used to talking about frankly. And this part isn’t always playful fun, Efnisien. Your knees are sore today. I know I pushed you hard. I’m surprised you didn’t safeword. I don’t normally give people as many cues to use a safeword as I gave you, so I want to know what’s going on. I’m happy to lead you through this conversation, but I’m a pretty straightforward guy, so let’s go through it piece by piece. When did you think of using a safeword, and why didn’t you?’

Efnisien forced himself to take a breath and nodded. He hated honest communication like this, even with Arden. After all this time, he struggled with it. He could almost hear Dr Gary’s voice in the back of his head, gently explaining he might always struggle with serious communication because of his upbringing, and Crielle filling it with booby traps. Crielle wasn’t Kadek, and Kadek wasn’t Crielle.

But Efnisien had also let himself be vulnerable with Kadek in a way that made him feel really stripped bare, and not quite put back together again. Not because Kadek didn’t do enough aftercare, but because Efnisien was learning things about himself he hadn’t realised existed before last night.

‘Um, okay,’ Efnisien said. ‘Okay. The first- The first time was after a while of kneeling at the front door. I freaked out pretty hard. I couldn’t tell what I was supposed to be doing. I got there early, then thought maybe I was supposed to message you to tell you I was there, but by the time I realised that, I couldn’t tell what time it was anymore, and I was terrified that if I reached to get my phone to message you, you’d come down and see I was failing. And then you- You weren’t on time.’

‘I know,’ Kadek said, nodding slowly. ‘That was the first time I asked you if you needed to safeword. So why didn’t you?’

‘Because…you said I was going to have a hard time if I didn’t focus on you, and I realised I was focusing a lot on myself, and my expectations, I guess,’ Efnisien said. He shrugged. ‘That felt- It was scary, but I’ve had moments like that with Arden too, where I’ve really thought about calling a safeword and then decided it might go against the spirit of the scene to do it in that moment. Like, I was freaking out. I was scared it was a joke. But when you asked me if I needed to do it, I realised you weren’t treating it like it was a joke.’

‘Would it have been a “yellow,” “blue,” or “mercy?”’

‘Yellow.’

‘Gotcha,’ Kadek said, nodding decisively to himself. ‘Okay, cool. Unless you change your mind later, I think you made the right call there. But I appreciate you sharing that with me. It lets me know how to torture you better in the future.’

Efnisien’s eyes widened, and Kadek winked at him.

‘Okay, tell me another time you thought about it,’ Kadek said.

Efnisien shivered, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. Was he always going to be doing this around Kadek? Fucking hell.

‘You… You snapped at me,’ Efnisien said, dragging a hand through his hair. ‘During the- Learning how to do the “present” pose. And it reminded me of Crielle. And I realised a lot of it reminded me of Crielle.’

Kadek’s shoulders rose and fell in what looked like a tight breath. His jaw tightened. Efnisien shook his head, knowing he had to explain why he didn’t safeword, but he didn’t have as good a reason for that one.

‘Which safeword?’ Kadek said, like he already knew.

‘Blue,’ Efnisien whispered.

‘Okay, tell me the reason you didn’t safeword,’ Kadek said, black eyes glinting.

This was way more embarrassing. He worried that his reason wouldn’t be good enough, and he wanted to message Arden and say that while he could scene with Kadek sometimes, he liked doing it way more with Arden, because it didn’t fucking feel like this. He’d had less stressful times being questioned in front of a thesis defence panel.

Efnisien couldn’t make eye contact, and hoped Kadek wouldn’t be mad about that. ‘I just wanted to be good for you.’

Kadek’s next short breath was audible.

‘I’m used to being reminded of- I mean not…like that. But I make calls around stuff like that with Arden too, that he doesn’t know about. Sometimes I have to say something and sometimes I don’t. It was a knee-jerk response. I didn’t want to interrupt the scene just because it was hard.’

‘Cool, okay, we’re going to table that one and circle back round to it. The other times?’

Efnisien flicked his nail at the glass of water a few times to hear the sound it would make.

‘Holding the glass of whiskey,’ Efnisien said. ‘Not because it was- Not because it could have gone on the table instead. But my arms started to burn.’

Kadek frowned at him, and Efnisien’s breaths came quicker. 

‘The last time that I remember was the spanking part, but that didn’t- That was really momentary. I think it was just knowing that it was a soft limit and I wasn’t used to it. It would’ve been a yellow, and…yeah.’

‘Not your knees?’ Kadek said.

‘At the beginning,’ Efnisien said. ‘That was part of it. Kneeling for that long.’

Kadek winced and sighed. ‘Shit, that probably made the kneeling later harder. Okay. I’m going to introduce a new safeword and I want you to use it. That safeword is “health.” I want you to say it whenever you’re not sure you can hold up to something physically, or when you think a joint is potentially going to fail. When you say it, I’m going to decide whether I’m going to listen. Sometimes I might want to push you to joint failure. But I want to know.’

It weirdly helped to know Kadek wouldn’t always act on it just because Efnisien said it.

‘Should I say a “Sir” afterwards?’ Efnisien said.

‘Yes, generally,’ Kadek said, making some notes in his notebook in that shorthand of his. ‘Unless I’ve asked for some other title. Or you’re panicking and forget. It’s frustrating because I think you’re holding back on at least some of these safewords because you’re intimidated by what I’ve done with people in the past. The thing is, safewords for your health and wellbeing are your responsibility, not mine – my responsibility is listening once you express them. I know Arden does things differently, but I’m not him. I want you to step up to the plate a bit more on that front. I can tell you’re overwhelmed by some of this, but if you want to keep going on this path, this is something you have to apply yourself to.’

Efnisien swallowed the knot in his throat. ‘This is a lot.’

‘I know,’ Kadek said evenly. He tapped the pen on the table a few times and then lowered it. But he said nothing else. He didn’t reassure Efnisien. He just considered him, his gaze like pressure on the side of his face. ‘Should I be trying to avoid reminding you of Crielle in those scenes?’

Efnisien tensed. ‘I don’t think you can,’ he said. ‘It’s- The formality of it and the…rules. That’s all very- I don’t know.’

‘Do you think that’s one reason you’re actually drawn to it, at least a little?’

Efnisien shrugged, nodded, crossed one leg over the other and thought about all the things he’d learned about body language and how he was actively trying to put more mental space between himself, and the things Kadek talked about.

It was awkward whenever the past came up around Kadek. Efnisien felt embarrassed, sometimes, that it still affected him the way it did. Especially around someone who – unlike Arden – had a pretty loving upbringing, with no abuse or incest. Even if he was more caring about it than he used to be, Efnisien would always remember the easy and genuine way Kadek would just check out of conversations when something became too emotionally taxing.

That was something he should probably bring up, but he didn’t want to.

‘This feels like it’s going to become a clusterfuck at some point,’ Kadek said finally, making a grumbling sound. ‘But at the same time you could clearly keep going and weren’t thinking about safewording so aggressively that it occupied all your thoughts after that.’

Efnisien nodded. That was true.

‘Mm. Right! Okay, let’s focus on other stuff then. Thanks for indulging me on all of that. You might find this kind of debrief happens a few more times until I’m comfortable you’ll safeword when you need to. And you know, you’re right, sometimes you’re going to want to safeword and then realise after some reflection you don’t need to. That happens! Sweet cheeks, you look like you’re at a meeting with the school principal. Don’t tease me like that.’

Efnisien looked at him in shock, and Kadek grinned.

‘You know I like authority. It’s hot.’

‘Fuck off.’ Efnisien laughed despite himself. ‘Arden’s so much nicer than you are.’

‘He’s so not though!’ Kadek cried out. ‘I’ve seen him! I’ve seen him with you. He’s made you sob. God, he’s like a master at lowering frogs into the boiling pot. He makes you think you’re going down nice and easy, and he just unleashes. You’re a good pair though, right? It works. Like you always forget he’s going to absolutely demolish you. But I think you like it too. So let’s revisit some stuff and find out how much you like it.’

Efnisien groaned, stretched his arms, and settled back into the chair. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d become, talking about safewords like that.

‘Okay! So, I’m going to present you with something new, now you’ve experienced some roleplay. Here’s the thing, sometimes the limits you have in roleplay are different to what you have when you’re working with say, “Kadek, the really cool guy you’re close friends with.” Maybe what you’ll accept in a scenario where I’m a school principal and you’re a misbehaving student differs from what you’ll accept when I’m just Master Kadek, right?’

Efnisien’s brain clicked into a different gear. He’d never considered that before, but thinking back on the scene the night before, he realised it was true.

‘As an example,’ Kadek said, ‘you’ve got “no punishments” as a hard limit. Does that hold true if I was a boss that picked something fictional to punish you for? So it’s not real? It’s not about real Efnisien, it’s about Efnisien-the-secretary. Or if the roleplay was you’re a student cheating on his tests, when we all know real Efnisien would never do that?’

‘Honestly, after last night… It’s funny, because it didn’t last that long, and it was really intense and overwhelming, but there was a part of me that was like- Maybe I handle more than two soft limits. I get what you mean with the roleplay. Arden doesn’t really work that way. But something about being someone who works for you meant even though some of it hit really close to home, some of it was also cushioned in a buffer of being a secretary trying to fulfill that role? The acting part was kind of cool.’

Kadek nodded soberly, and his expression gentled, seemed encouraging. Efnisien wished the safeword conversation had been like that, but he understood why it couldn’t be.

‘I’m going to go through some roleplay scenarios, and you can tell me if you like the sound of them or not. And then, within that, we’re going to talk about shifting limits within those scenarios, okay? Doesn’t sound too overwhelming?’

Efnisien shook his head. Not anymore than all of this had already been.

‘Ef,’ Kadek said, reaching out and squeezing Efnisien’s hand where it rested on the table, ‘it’s important you don’t just agree to stuff because you think I’ll like it.’

‘I know that,’ Efnisien said. ‘No, it’s- Fuck. Last night, after everything was over, I knew I liked it. Liked that I could get through it. It’s scary in a different way. But I also slept really well, and I’ve had a pretty good day. Don’t- God, you’re so fucking smug.’

‘On your behalf too,’ Kadek said, and grinned. ‘That was the two of us. You did such a good job of respecting the spirit of the scene. There were points where I could see you trying to work out where to go next, and as someone not used to roleplay, you took to it like a pro. It was so much fun. Like, I know you clocked that I could’ve just put the glass of whiskey on the table, and then you made an executive call about what I probably wanted in that moment. You did amazing.’

Efnisien touched his cool fingertips to the rim of a hot ear and didn’t know what to do with Kadek’s praise being that enthusiastic, that real.

‘You’re amazing,’ Kadek said.

‘Stop,’ Efnisien said weakly.

‘I’m not going to talk to you like this in a scene,’ Kadek said, ‘but you’re going to have to deal with it outside of one. Let’s talk a bit more about roleplay, okay? That’s my deal in dominance, because I also enjoy being able to put the mask on.’

‘It comes to you pretty naturally,’ Efnisien said. ‘I was surprised. Not- Not because you don’t carry yourself with authority. It was just different.’

‘I know,’ Kadek said, nodding. ‘It is. Once had the sweetest little rope bunny who cried in the first ten minutes of a dominance and submission scene because I was being “too strict” and we’d done basically nothing and it was just the vibe, apparently. She thought she knew what she was getting herself into. And one of the reasons I’m so heavy about the negotiation is because I know what I’m like, and I know it can be a shock.’

After that, Kadek brought up different roleplay scenarios, and Efnisien talked about whether he was okay with it, would be okay with it in the future, or wasn’t okay with it at all. In no universe did he want to be Kadek’s “son,” but being a student blackmailed by a teacher or punished by a principal was apparently okay. Efnisien liked the boss and decorative personal assistant scenario enough he thought Kadek might make fun of him for it, but he didn’t, he just agreed that he really liked it too, partly because he did often get actual work done during those scenes and he liked the way Efnisien looked as decoration.

Kadek ran through many more roleplay scenarios, more than Efnisien would ever have thought of. And from there, they pivoted to shifting limits, and Efnisien felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation at how big it all seemed. It felt like Kadek was going to crack him open, like Kadek was excited to do that.

‘I want to put it in the contract that I’m going to dom you out of a scene,’ Kadek said. ‘I’ll be myself, and not the person I’m roleplaying as, but I think you need a firm hand. I assumed, at first, you’d want to get away from the formality as soon as possible. In retrospect, I think you need some help with grounding.’

‘Not crying all over the place, you mean?’

‘No, I don’t mean that,’ Kadek said. He looked irritated for a moment. ‘Do you have a problem with me seeing you cry?’

Efnisien shrugged.

‘In a scene?’ Kadek added.

Efnisien shook his head after a moment. He sort of did, but it wasn’t the same.

‘So it hit hardest after I said the scene was done? And I saw you then? Even though I’d seen you…literally the entire time?’

‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said. ‘I know it’s stupid.’

‘It’s not stupid, it’s messy, and that’s different. That’s why I’m saying I think it’s a good idea to dom you out of a scene. I also think it’s non-negotiable that you stay with me – at least while Arden’s away – overnight, even if the scene happens in the morning.’

‘You’re going to get sick of me.’

‘Bullshit,’ Kadek said. ‘I have a gigantic fucking house that’s too big for one person. I have a really nice piano. You can do whatever you like with it. And more than that, I remember Arden telling me early on that you crashed into subdrop super fucking hard when you were alone. I think because of our day-to-day dynamic, you’re probably going to do that anyway, and I won’t let you be alone for it.’

‘You sound pretty controlling right now.’

‘I’m being controlling right now,’ Kadek said bluntly. ‘Take it or leave it. That’s my requirement in this. The idea of sending you home last night literally makes me hurt to think about. Like I said, I don’t mind you staying in a different room, another bed, whatever, but I want you here.’

‘You don’t think Arden will get…mad?’

‘Nope. But after this – when I can figure out the time-zones – we’re going to call him together and talk about it, the three of us, so we can all have it out in the open, okay? I think he’s going to be relieved you’re staying here sometimes, and it might help you to know he’s looped in like that. What do you think?’

It felt like they were on the precipice of something huge. It felt as significant as when he’d started committing to scenes with Arden, and that had led to a lifelong, committed relationship. Efnisien knew Kadek wasn’t romantic, and that he didn’t really do relationships like that, so what was this? After Arden came back, would it all just go away?

And did that mean Efnisien should play it safe now? Because he didn’t really want to. He’d well and truly learned with Arden that he was submissive, and that he sometimes craved the excitement, challenge and fear of a good, hard scene.

Surviving one of Kadek’s scenes had felt incredible. The aftercare had been good too, once Kadek had figured out which direction to take it, even though Efnisien would never have known he needed that sternness until it came up.

‘I have some other changed limits,’ Efnisien said finally. ‘Around visible marks and stuff.’

Kadek leaned forward, eyes avid, and Efnisien swallowed.

‘How soon are we doing this again?’ Efnisien said.

‘If you were up to it, not tonight, but like tomorrow,’ Kadek said. ‘And if you weren’t, then whenever you wanted, I guess.’

Efnisien shuddered. This was absurd. He was almost upset they couldn’t leap into something right now. He had a feeling that if he said he wanted to go ahead with something in this moment, Kadek would be on him. It was the strangest feeling. Efnisien wasn’t sexually aroused, but he felt a glimmering staticky sensation across his skin, like he wanted to grasp at experiences that were previously off limits. Like he wanted to learn them enough that he could bring them back to Arden one day.

‘Tomorrow’s good,’ Efnisien said, voice strained.

‘Efnisien,’ Kadek said, black eyes getting that gleam in them again, ‘it’s going to be hard. Yesterday was an introduction.’

‘Yeah,’ Efnisien said, taking a huge breath. ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘You don’t,’ Kadek said, ‘but you will. After all, fucking’s not a hard limit anymore, is it?’

Efnisien’s eyes widened, and Kadek lifted his eyebrows, as though daring Efnisien to change his mind. But Efnisien said nothing, and Kadek just laughed, got up, and walked over, hugging Efnisien tightly around the shoulders with a warmth that didn’t dispel Efnisien’s nervy, uncertain excitement for whatever tomorrow might bring.