Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Robin Sparkles: Who else is excited for qualifying tomorrow?

The Hair: I’m looking forward to crushing you for real tomorrow @Favourite Child.

Favourite Child: Remind me, you were what? 0.286 seconds behind me?

Favourite Child: You may be peaking a bit to early.

Mum: Did you teach my sone this @The Uncle who won’t leave?

The Uncle who won’t leave: Obviously. He’s becoming too Monegasque.

The Son-In-Law: I would like to remind everyone that I will beat @Dad again. Just like I did last week.

Ka-chow!: You mean by Max not doing his second pit till the last lap so that he could give Charles a good chance of betting you?

Dad: How did you know that?

Mum: I may have told Lewis the plan.

Granddad: I only told Fernando. He’s my fellow Grandfather of the grid.

Abuelo: I told many people.

Did I retire, again?: Why does this seem like something out of Mamma Mia?

Thinks he’s the best: Charles and Max are going to announce they’ve adopted another rookie in a minute.

Mum: Ummmm…

Mum: So Kimi is now our youngest.

Baby: (:

The Hair: Seriously!

The Hair: I sweat Ferrari is just after my teammates.

French™: Anybody want to bet on qualifying tomorrow?

The Son-In-Law: £50 on Oscar

Favourite Child:

Mum: £50 on Max.

Thinks he’s the best: I would never have guessed you simp.

Mum: ???

Abuelo: You’ll admit that you and Max adopt all the rookies but not the other thing.

Mum: I have no idea what you are on about.

Loyal: @Voice Kink, who do you think will place pole?

Voice Kink: As a team principal, I don’t think it’s fair that I place a bet.

The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History: You are a pussy James.

The Baddest and Coolest Bitch in F1 History: £1,000 pounds of Toto’s money on Max.

Food?: Whelp, we know whose fighting now.

Voice Kink: Well in that case £50 on Oscar. Sorry @Thinks he’s the best, @Loyal

Loyal: No you have a point.

Thinks he’s the best: I feel so betrayed, but I can’t bring myself to be mad at you and your amazing voice.

The Lestappen Family

Eldest: When exactly are you going to tell the rest of the grid about you guys @maman @pa

Maman: Soon.

Minore: I know I haven’t been on the grid long but I can’t see a reason for you guys to hide.

Pa: We’re keeping it a secret because of my dad, Toto (He could use it against why Red Bull and Ferrari and doing better than your team) and I’m worried about how Christian will react.

Middle: So who does know?

Maman: You guys.

Pa: Everyone who has been in the second red bull seat. Apart from Yuki and Liam.

Pa: I honestly don’t know how they don’t know.

Maman: And James Vowles. Who I’ll get to add you guys to the chat of people who know about us.

Eldest: How on earth does James Fucking Vowles.

Pa: For reasons we don’t have permission to say.

Maman: And his first season as Team Principal (2023) he walked in on me and Max making out in the middle of the Red Bull paddock when we thought no one was around.

Minore: Why was the Williams Team Principal in the Red Bull Paddock?

Pa: Reasons 

Maman: Reasons. 

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Mum: So this bet. Where am I sending my fifty pounds too?

French™: I say split it between James and Lando as they were the only people to bet on Oscar getting pole.

Voice Kink: @ The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History. Give me my money in cash when we have brunch on Monday morning.

Traitor to the revolution: Wait a minute.

Traitor to the Revolution: Your telling me that James and Susie have brunch.

The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History: Yes. Every Monday.

The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History: We mostly bitch about Toto and then put the bill on his credit card.

Granddad: And I’m not invited?

Voice Kink: I mean you aren’t with Meradles anymore so you can come if you want.

Granddad: Give me the time and location and I will be here.

Robin Sparkles: Sorry about getting last place @Food?. But at least you get to start P19.

Food?: ???

French™: Something you want to tell us Lance.

Robin Sparkles: So I need to have surgery on my hand. 

Robin Sparkles: Which means that I can’t drive tomorrow. I just want to be able to drive again and put my broken wrist behind me.

Mum: Just try and get better soon. And actually have a break this time.

Abuelo: I don’t want to have another team member soon. If your dad tries to get you back to racing soon then I’ll punch him in the face.

Granddad: Me too.

Dad: Just tell us when you plan to beat up an old man, Fernando.

New Chat

James Vowles has added Susie Wolff and Lewis Hamilton to New Chat

James Vowles has changed chat name to Basically Married to Toto

James Vowles has changed Susie Wolff ’s name to The Actual Wife

James Vowles has changed Lewis Hamilton ’s name to Left Him for an Italian Stud

James Vowles has changed him name to Did actually have a crush on Toto

The Actual Wife: I’m assuming this is a chat for communicating about brunch.

Did actually have a crush on Toto: Si.

Left Him for an Italian Stud: How did I not know about you having a crush on Toto! How long did you have a crush on him?

Did actually have a crush on Toto: The only person who knew was Susie. The crush lasted until I met my partner in 2022.

The Actual Wife: Anyway are we going to be grabbing brunch in barcelona or a different country.

Left Him for an Italian Stud: I know somewhere nice here. It’s called Funky Eatery and is about 30 minutes from the track.

The Actual Wife: Sounds good to me.

Did actually have a crush on Toto: I’ve booked a table to 1100.

Left Him for an Italian Stud: Can’t wait to talk shit about Toto with you guys.

Chapter Text

They Know

Walked in on them kissing has added Oscar Piastri, Andrea Kimi Antonelli and Oliver Bearman to They Know

Walked in on them kissing has changed Oscar Piastri ’s name to Joked about wanting to be adopted, given real adoption papers

Walked in on them kissing has changed Andrea Kimi Antonelli ’s name to Secret Love Child

Walked in on them kissing has changed Oliver Bearman ’s name to He drove for Ferrari

The Family Grid

Robin Sparkles: I’m a bit annoyed that I missed the race. It looked like a good one.

Dad: Absolutely not.

Robin Sparkles: This isn’t about you Max. I know you had that problems. This about how @Loyal was also forced to retire.

Loyal: I’m doing okay. Annoyed at @Ka-chow! But theres not much I can do know.

Ka-chow!: It wasn’t entirely my fault.

Voice Kink: Boy’s what is done is done. You can’t changed the past know. @Loyal We have to look over the stats for Canada. So put your phone down and listen to the briefing.

Thinks he’s the best: Ha!

Voice Kink: @Thins he’s the best.

Thinks he’s the best: Fine I’ll pay attention.

Robin Sparkles: I can’t believe that you kept swapping places @Dad and @The Son-In-Law.

The Son-In-Law: I mean if Max’s car hadn’t been so bad then he definitely would have been ahead of me the whole race.

Dad: Het is een waardeloze auto en hij kan de snelheid niet bijhouden. Ik weet niet hoe vaak ik moet klagen om hem te laten repareren. Het zijn elke week dezelfde problemen.

Dad: En ook de harde band. Waarom lieten ze me niet gewoon op de oude banden zitten?

Ka-chow!: I’m still not sure what was going on with the blue flag. I didn’t notice it that much either.

Baby: Sono d'accordo @Dad. È stato orribile, stava andando così bene e come mai proprio a fine gara la mia macchina ha un problema meccanico? Sembra una fanfiction di merda.

Baby: @Voice Kink. Can I join the brunch tomorrow?

Voice Kink: Absolutely, I’ll send you all the details for tomorrow.

Voice Kink: If it goes well tomorrow and you ever have any other problems then send me or Susie a message.

Loyal: You are a hypocrite @Voice Kink.

Voice Kink: The debriefing is over. Your sat across the table from me.

Dad: This was the worse race ever.

Dad: I’m muting the chat and then going to bed.

Dad: But congratulations to @Favourite Child for the win. And @Mum for third.

Private chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

❤️: Do you want to come over to my hotel room and just cuddle?

💙: I’d like to cuddle after that race.

💙: Can I be little spoon?

❤️: Absolutely.

❤️: <3

💙: <3

They Know

They tried to adopt me: James did you seriously add them to the chat while we were racing!

Read a dirty text by accident: I think it might have been while you were having your wing changed. 

Secret Love Child: I don’t get my name?

Walked in on them kissing: Well I didn’t know how you knew about Lestappen being a thing and you look like if they had a child and didn’t tell anyone.

Secret Love Child: Oh.

Secret Love Child: They told me.

Chapter Text

Private Chat Between Pierre Gasly and Yuki Tsunoda

Yuki <3: Pierre. I have to tell you something.

Pierre: What is it?

Yuki <3: I’ve seen something and I need to tell someone.

Yuki <3: Last week after the race I saw Max and Charles. At first I was like, ah that’s nice that they’re making up for the restart after the safety car. And then I realised. 

Yuki <3: I saw them kiss not a kiss in a moment of passion but a sweet kiss of those who have been together for awhile.

Pierre: Yeah I knew about them already.

Yuki <3: You knew?

Pierre: Yuki.

Pierre: I drove in the second seat. I may have also accidentally read their messages to each other.

Pierre: Hang on a moment.

Pierre: I’ll get the admin to add you to the chat with all the people who know about Lestappen.

Private Chat between Pierre Gasly and James Vowles

Pierre: James 

Pierre: James

Pierre: James

James: What?

Pierre: I need you to add Yuki to the group chat.

James: What group chat?

Pierre: You know the one where people know that Max and Charles are together. The chat that you created.

James: Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc are together!!!

Pierre: I’m starting to think that this isn’t James Vowles.

James: Nope.

Pierre: OMG. Do I have his number saved wrong in my phone?

James: Nah. 

James: James is cooking dinner at the moment.

Pierre: Well Max is going to be annoyed that I just told some random person.

James: This is actually James now.

James: I’ll add Yuki to the group now.

They Know

Walked in on them kissing has added Yuki Tsunoda to They Know

Walked in on them kissing: Hello Yuki. I am the admin of this chat and I welcome you to our small group of people who now about Lestappen.

Walked in on them kissing: We like to have the new members guess who we are.

Walked in on them kissing: If you could change your name to how you found about Lestappen being canon that would be nice. We like to remind them how shit they are at hiding it.

Problem No.1: Hey!

Yuki Tsunoda has changed their name to They were domestically cute after Charles podium in Spain.

Walked in on them Kissing: Do you two always kiss in the paddocks?

They were domestically cute after Charles podium in Spain: I know that accidentally read their dirty texts is Pierre as he told me.

They were domestically cute after Charles podium in Spain: I’m going to guess that Problem No.1 Is Charles because his name comes first in the alphabet. And that would mean that Problem No.2 is Max.

Accidentally read their dirty texts: @Problem No.2 I need to send you a message privately.

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Pierre Gasly

Pierre: So I was messaging James to get him to add Yuki to the chat.

Max: And? James is the admin.

Pierre: It wasn’t James!

Pierre: It was someone else.

Max: Okay.

Pierre: Max.

Pierre: I’m freaking out.

Pierre: I may have given your relationship to James hook-up.

Max: I’ll speak to James.

Pierre: Thank you.

Chapter Text

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Pierre Gasly

Pierre: Have you spoken to James yet?

Max: No I haven’t had the time to yet.

Pierre: You’ve had a week Max!

Pierre: You know this has been killing me. What have you been doing?

Max: The majority of my engineers and Christian have been making me practise a lot the past two weeks after the George incident. They don’t want me to get another point on my racing licence and that 1 race ban.

Pierre: Basically their making you focus on the race and you haven’t had time for anything else.

Max: Exactly I haven’t gotten to see Charles that much either.

Max: I’ll message James when I can. But since nothing has leaked to the press I wouldn’t worry too much.

The Family Grid

Mum: @Robin Sparkles.

Robin Sparkles: Shit.

Loyal: You’re in trouble

Mum: I’ll get to you in a minute.

Mum: You did Quali today.

Mum: Didn’t you just have surgery two weeks ago?

Robin Sparkles: Maybe?

Mum: @Abuelo

Abuelo: Yes?

Mum: You can adopt Lance and then beat the shit out of Lawrence.

Abuelo: On it.

Robin Sparkles: Hang on!

Robin Sparkles: Did you also have a bad quali?

Mum: I still came in P8 and not P18. Which while it’s your number is not the number you want to be starting on.

Mum: Anyway @Loyal and @Voice Kink. What happened with the engine cover?

Loyal: I have no idea. One minute it was fine and the next… It was gone.

Voice Kink: I also have no idea and none of our engineers can work it out either.

The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History: Have you asked?

Loyal: ???

Voice Kink: Yeah. They’re looking into it.

Dad: Good.

Dad: Also. Congrats of P4 @Baby. You’re doing very well for your first F1 season. :)

Baby: Thank you Max!!!

The Hair: OMG.

The Hair: I’ve just realised that Max has all but formally adopted Kimi.

Grandad: Isn’t Charles the one who normally adopts the rookies?

The Hair: YES

The Hair: But this has Max written all over it.

Voice Kink: It also seems like Toto has tried to get Kimi to manipulate Max into joining Mercades but it’s backfiring.

The Baddest and Coolest bitch in F1 History: I wouldn’t put it past my husband.

Private Conversation between Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: Well sone on your qualifying today Baby! 

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: <3

🧡🇦🇺: Thank you Sweetheart! <3

🧡🇦🇺: I’m sorry about your laps in Q3.

🧡🇦🇺: Want me to come over to your room?

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 : Yes please.

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: Can you also bring your hoodie?

🧡🇦🇺: Of course. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.

Chapter Text

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Enzo Sanna

The best engineer: Congrats on Second today Max!

The best driver: Thanks Enzo! I may not have been able to do it without you!

The best driver: So Pierre is still freaking out.

The best engineer: Welp I’m sorry that I was having some fun.

The best driver: I don’t care what you are doing to have some fun. Just try not to freak out the drivers.

The best driver: I do have to ask how many of James messages are actually you?

The best engineer: When he’s cooking and driving its me. Also when we are having sex.

The best driver: I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT!!!!

The best engineer: when it’s Toto. It’s me. He may be thinking that James has gone off the rails.

The best engineer: and whenever he’s bored.

The Family Grid

Did I retire, Again?: Congrats @The Hair. That was a well deserved win.

The Hair: Thanks Nico. :)

Dad: Nico I thought I did very well.

Grandad: Yes. But only because you were being cautious because of the race ban that can happen if you get another point on your licence.

Dad: 🖕

Dad: Didn’t you run over a groundhog.

Grandad: Those things are very fast!! 

Abuelo: Fastest thing in all on Canada. And that includes @Robin Sparkles.

Robin Sparkles: Well at lest I didn’t crash out right at the end like @The Son-in-Law.

Robin Sparkles: I mean who does that.

“Okay that’s enough of that.” A voice said as the owners hand grabbed Lando’s phone out of his hand. “But-” Lando said looking over at the other man in his hotel room. 

“I don’t want to hear it.” Lando could clearly see the hand switch his phone into do not disturb and then proceed to chuck it onto the race suit that was spread out on the floor of the opposite side of the room. “I ruined my race. Lance is right.”

“Lance is pissed at everything and everyone. You did not make a terrible mistake.” 

“Even Zak said that it was my fault that I crashed into -” Lando didn’t get to finish his sentence before his boyfriend manhandled him into lying down on his right side. Lando felt the bed dip as arms where wrapped around him and his head was pushed into the neck of the man he loved.

“What does Zak really know about racing? He’s the CEO not team princapell. Now what did Andrea have to say?”

“That it could have happened to anyone and that it’s not my fault.”

“Exactly.” Lando could feel himself falling asleep as he melted into the kisses that were being pressed into his brown curls. “Love you Osc.” Lando mumbled finally feeling better in the arms of his teammate and lover.

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Mama Duck: I am so proud of you Kimi. This is your first of many podiums to come.

Mama Duck: If I’m not careful you’ll be beating my records soon enough.

Baby Duck: Thanks mama.

Mama Duck: Okay. I know you. And even through text that didn’t sound like someone who has just gotten their first podium.

Mama Duck: What’s up?

Baby Duck: George and Toto have dragged me to a party and I want to go home and I can’t find George to get me out of here.

Mama Duck: Where are you?

Baby Duck: I don’t know. Can you come and get me out of here? Everyone’s drunk and it’s too loud.

Mama Duck: This is why I’m happy I have Find My on your phone.

Mama Duck: Charles is driving. Is Susie there?

Baby Duck: Yeah, she’s in the corner on her on.

Mama Duck: Ask her if she can wait outside with you? She probably will. 

Mama Duck: And don’t worry if she finds out about me and Charles.

Baby Duck: Okay Mama

Chapter Text

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Susie Wolff

Mad Max: Hey Susie, thanks for staying with Kimi last week.

Scary Susie: It was no problem Max.

Scary Susie: I do have to say that I didn’t know that you and Chalrles where together.

Mad Max: We’re trying to keep it quite.

Mad Max: It’s nice to have something that the media doesn’t know.

Scary Susie: I totally understand.

Scary Susie: I have to ask why did Kimi ask you to come and get him.

Scary Susie: I get that he’s your child but why did he want to leave?

Mad Max: Kimi isn’t the biggest fan of drinking and parties, especially if the parties are a bout him as well.

Mad Max: He also mentioned at home that there was some creep who kept looking at him all the time he was there. And it doesn’t help that George left him there on his own.

Scary Susie: I told Toto it was a bad idea.

Scary Susie: We should have a chat that is dedicated to the protection of Kimi.

Mad Max: Susie you’ve just given me the best idea.

New Chat

Max Verstappen has created a new chat.

Max Verstappen has added Charles Leclerc, Lewis Hamilton, Ollie Bearman, Susie Wolff, Oscar Piastri, Lando Norris, Sebastian Vettel, Valtteri Bottas and Nico Rosberg.

Max Verstappen has named the chat The Andrea Kimi Antonelli Protection Squad

Max Verstappen: Welcome. We are all here because we have one common interest.

Max Verstappen: To protect Andrea Kimi Antonelli with our lives.

Charles Leclerc: Here Here.

Nico Rosberg: I understand why I’m here but @Sebastian Vettel?

Sebastian Vettel: I’m Kimi’s grid grandad through Charles.

Nico Rosberg: Understandable.

Max Verstappen has changed his name to Protective Mama Duck

Protective Mama Duck: Feel free to change your names if you wish.

Lewis Hamilton has changed his name to The Coolest Mercedes Brother

The Coolest Mercedes Brother: I have to ask why isn’t George in this chat?

Protective Mama Duck: Susie told him to look after Kimi at the party last week and I picked Kimi up because he didn’t like it and was getting overwhelmed.

Susie Wolff has changed her name to Wine Aunt

Wine Aunt: There was also the creep who looked very close to Spiking Kimi’s drink.

Charles Leclerc has changed his name to Lord Perceval

Lord Perceval: And where can I beat them up?

Wine Aunt: I’m still trying to figure out who he is but was most definitely a sponsor.

Ollie Bearman has changed his name to Spy on the Inside

Spy on the Inside: I would also like to join in when we find them.

The coolest Mercedes Brother: Sorry George left Kimi at a party full of people he doesn’t know.

Wine Aunt: Yeah.

Oscar Piastri has changed his name to Australian Brother

Australian Brother: I’m going to run George of the track next race.

Nico Rosberg has changed his name to TV Brother-in-law

Valtteri Bottas has changed his name to The FUN Uncle

TV Brother-in-law: I’ll report it as an accident on the news.

The FUN Uncle: And I’ll get ready to race in his place for Sliverstone.

Private Chat between Lewis Hamilton and George Russell 

Beloved Eldest: George.

Beloved Eldest: Did you leave Kimi alone last week at the Mercedes Party?

Forgotten Middle: Shit.

Forgotten Middle: I swear to you Lewis I can’t remember much from last week. But I know that I would never leave Kimi anywhere with people he doesn’t know.

Beloved Eldest: You drank so much that you forgot about Kimi?!

Forgotten Middle: No No No.

Forgotten Middle: I think I may have been roofied. 

Forgotten Middle: The last thing I remember from that night is talking to Toto about not staying long as I wanted Kimi to be okay. I remember having some of the drink that Toto gave me and thinking it tastes weird. Beyond that I don’t remember anything.

Beloved Eldest: Did you go see a doctor?

Forgotten Middle: I saw the team doctor and they said they couldn’t find anything. 

Forgotten Middle: I’ve been thinking they may be protecting the team rather than my health as this isn’t the first time this has happened.

Beloved Eldest: Shit. George. That is something serious they’ve done.

Beloved Eldest: Nothing like what has happened to you and Kimi has ever happened when I was apart of Mercedes.

Forgotten Middle: What happened to Kimi?

Beloved Eldest: Some creep kept looking at him and trying to get him to drink something.

Beloved Eldest: He’s okay.

Beloved Eldest: Kimi phoned Max and waited with Susie until Max came to get him.

Beloved Eldest: Both Susie and Max want your blood. They’ve even created a group chat dedicated to the protection of Kimi.

Forgotten Middle: Thank god he’s okay.

Forgotten Middle: I can live with being hunted down for sport.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Favourite Child: @French™ Is a bit mean that I want to blame you for me and Lando not get a 1-2?

French™: I would say so.

French™: I spun before I could even do my lap a now I’m starting in P10, and Max isn’t that far ahead of me.

Dad: It is what it is.

Dad: I can probably get 3rd in the actually race.

Favourite Child: You would take Charles out just to get 3rd.

Dad: I would take you out and keep Charles in Second.

The Son-In-Law: So there’s a possibility that I way be third wheeling on the podium.

The Hair: Yep.

The Hair: I’m mostly shocked that Ferrari have done so well.

Mum: Me too. And I’m starting in P2.

Private Chat Between Lance Stroll and Lando Norris

L18: I am so sorry about what I said 2 weeks ago.

L4: Lance. Chill.

L4: I said after you apologised the day after that we were all cool. I know your dad was taking it out on you and you ended up taking it out on me.

L4: Besides I got pole today. Which more than makes up for the tragedy that was Canada.

L4: I’m just glad you haven’t spoken to your dad in these past two weeks.

L18: Thanks Lando.

L4: I have to ask why did you apologise again?

L18: Because the other drivers where all giving me dirty looks today.

L4: And your anxiety spiked.

L4: Don’t worry about it. My anxiety spikes all the time.

L4: And given the stuff with your father as well that won’t help.

L18: That’s just what Fernando said.

L4: And did he tell you this during sex?

L18: Maybe?

L4: He did!

L4: How is it going with you are Fernando?

L18: Absolutely amazing!

L18: I have never felt this way about anyone before. I know we’ve only been together for just over a year but I want to marry him. I moved in after my fight with dad and I just want to commit to forever with him.

L4: You are whipped!

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Mama Duck: How are you feeling after qualifying?

Baby Duck: Pissed about the spin.

Baby Duck: I probably would have placed higher if I was able to do another lap.

Mama Duck: It is so annoying because I probably have been in P3 if I didn’t have to abandon my lap with the Yellow Flag.

Baby Duck: And don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of Gabriel for his highest ever start, but I was sort of looking forward to being on the same line as you.

Mama Duck: Me too.

Mama Duck: Have you spoken to George since Canada?

Baby Duck: He came up to me this morning before quali and asked if he could speak to me after the race.

Mama Duck: And?

Baby Duck: I’m going to hear him out.

Baby Duck: I have to know what happened with him.

Mama Duck: Want me to come with you?

Baby Duck: Not sure yet. I’ll let you know tomorrow.

Chapter Text

World Champion and his Chaotic makeshift family

World Champion: Okay what where you two talking about before the race this morning?

Chaotic Bestie: Nothing.

World Champion: You guys are planning to do something to Lance’s dad right?

Chaotic Boyfriend: What no!

World Champion: Just tell me before you do anything that could lead back to both of you two.

Chaotic Bestie: You got it.

Chaotic Boyfriend: I’m going to make that Risotto you like for this.

World Champion: Good. I need compensation for the terror that is your friendship.

The Family Grid

Thinks he’s the best: Fucking stupid car.

Loyal: Sorry about you’re race mate, the fire was not great especially with you’re gear problems before the formation lap.

Thinks he’s the best: Also about your race. I mean not as bad as mine but still bad.

Voice Kink: I have no idea what happened with the car, I’m looking to look at it with an engineer that I trust.

Loyal: Is that going to be the red bull engineer who look at my car after Canada?

Voice Kink: Message me separately you two.

WINiams? More like DNFiam

Bossman: Yes the engineer is a Red Bull engineer.

Not the original: Why on earth would you let someone from Red Bull look at the cars.

Bossman: They’ve signed a NDA which allows them to know almost all about the Williams secrets.

Technically Senior Driver: How on earth did they let you have a Red Bull Engineer sign an NDA for our secrets?

Bossman: He’s my boyfriend.

Not the original: Right.

Technically Senior Driver: I want to meet him.

The Family Grid

Mum: @Baby. Are you okay?

Baby: As I could be.

Mum: Do you want to talk about it?

Baby: No.

Baby: But congrats on your podium @mum. And for your win @The Son-In-Law.

The Son-In-Law: Thanks Kimi! :)

Private chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

❤️: Is Kimi okay?

💙 has sent a photo

The attached image is of Kimi asleep on a sofa in Red Bull’s hospitality area.

Kimi is in one of Max’s older Red Bull hoodies with his fireproofs still wrapped around his waist.

The young Italian is clinging to the pillow like if he let go of it then the world would fall apart.

❤️ : You make sure that he gets enough sleep.

💙: I’m a bit worried because I know that George and Kimi were going to speak about Canada after the race.

💙: He’s texting Kimi at the moment. Should I send him a message that Kimi is asleep?

❤️: I would. Then George doesn’t think that Kimi is avoiding him on purpose and they can ten speak before Sliverstone next week.

Private Chat Between Max Verstappen and George Russell

Max: Hey Geroge,

Just letting you know that Kimi is currently asleep with me in the Red Bull hospitality area.

George: Hi Max,

Thanks for letting me know. He’ll need to sleep after that race. Please let him know that I will speak to him before Free Practise One on Friday.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Mum: Good Quali today everyone. :)

Take me home: Just wishing that I didn’t have that grid penalty for tomorrow.

Baby: Same. I know that I did all I could do last week and yet I’m still stuck with this shit.

Grandad: That just shows how shitty the FIA are.

Dad: I did argue that both of your penalties shouldn’t be as severe as they were but the FIA justified them both because this is your frist year racing in F1.

The Son-In-Law: Well that’s just shit.

The Son-In-Law: Kind of like the Ferrari’s in Q3. Where did all that pace go in Q3?

Grandad: I have no fucking idea. It finally felt like they were listening to what we were saying only to be let down again.

Grandad: Anyway, @Mum. I need you to go see a different therapist because they are clearly not working. It’s not your fault that Ferrari keeps giving you a shit car.

Mum: Jokes on you I don’t have a therapist.

Grandad: I’m going to get you one.

Mum: Anyway. Max just came out of nowhere in Q3.

Robin Sparkles: He did.

Abuelo: Like Bear Grills in his show on Netflix.

Robin Sparkles: @Dad. 50 euros that I am ahead of you at least once in the race tomorrow. 

Dad: You’re on!

You two need to talk

LH has added Andrea Kimi Antonelli and George Russell

LH has changed Andrea Kimi Antonelli ’s name to AKA

LH has changed George Russell ’s name to GR

LH: @GR. You need to tell Kimi right now.

AKA: Tell me what?

GR: But Lewis. I don’t want to tell him before his race.

LH: George you have been putting of telling Kimi since after his exams. I supported you not telling him before his exams because they are important but it’s been 3 weeks you have to tell him.

AKA: George if it’s serious you have to tell me so that I can help if needed.

GR: The reason I left you alone at the party in Canada was because I was drugged.

GR: I never wanted to leave you, I remember telling Toto that I would be there for long because I wanted to make sure that you were okay and having a sip of the drink he gave me.

GR: I never want anything bad to happen to you.

LH: It’s true Kimi. Not only did he tell me what happened that evening but he was also very worried about you after I told him what happened with that man.

AKA: Are you okay George? Do the police know?

GR: I’m okay for now, this isn’t the first time that it’s happened and I don’t expect it to be that last. I haven’t told the police either but I have been to the medic’s after it’s happened.

AKA: Can’t you show the police the medic’s report of what they found in your system?

GR: That’s part of the problem.

GR: They say there is nothing wrong and the documents have disappeared.

AKA: Shit.

AKA: Here is what’s going to happen. Tomorrow after the race us three are going to meet up and discuss a way to get down to the bottom of this and justice for George.

LH: Agreed.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Bubbles: All hail Nico!

The Hair: All hail Nico! 

Grandad: Fantastic Podium mate!

Take me home: You came out of nowhere.

Loyal: Not nowhere. Last.

Did I retire, again?: It means so much to be given this Lego trophy. I would like to thank @Dad for his spin after the second restart.

Dad: I don’t mind losing my podium to you.

Did I retire, again?: @Grandad for not over taking me.

Grandad: I nearly had you towards the end.

Did I retire, again?: and last but not least @Robin Sparkles for that amazing fight for 3rd after Max spun.

Robin Sparkles: My pleasure.

Did I retire, again?: Let us not forget to celebrate @The Son-In-Law for his first home race win!

The uncle who won’t leave: I’m going to be honest when I raced with you I never thought you would win your home race.

The Son-In-Law: Not going to lie that hurts slightly.

World Champion and his Chaotic makeshift family

Chaotic Bestie: We still on for dinner tonight?

Chaotic Boyfriend: Yeah. Do you want to invite your parents and Oscar?

Chaotic Bestie: Are you guys sure? I thought we would just talk shit about Lance’s dad.

World Champian: We talked about it. Would rather celebrate your win.

Chaotic Boyfriend: It would be best if we talked about my dad another day, don’t want him to spoil the mood.

Chaotic Boyfriend: Anyway dinner is my treat. I’m looking forward to going to Nando’s.

Chaotic Bestie: Oscar is in. So are my parents.

The Family Grid

Robin Sparkles: I believe that you owe me money @Dad.

Dad: I do. My time as a ballerina has lost me money rather an gained.

Traitor to the revolution: I am very pleased that my good friend finished in P7 above the old man as well.

Abuelo: Very well done Lance. Tonight we celebrate!

The Son-In-Law: Lance is getting some tonight.

Mum: What!!

Robin Sparkles: Wrong chat Lando.

Lando Norris has deleted a message

The Son-In-Law: Lance is getting some tonight.

Chapter Text

Those who are cursed + the curser

Patient Zero has changed chat name to Ding Dong the witch is dead!!!

Seat 2 (for now): Finally!

Only lasted 2 days : I gave my Team Principal for this cause.

Seat 2 (for now): At lest he knows how I drive.

BEWARE!!: Let’s hope you get some better results now Yuki.

Didn’t feel the need: I’m having a party later who wants to come?

Patient Zero: I’m getting on a plane should be there in time.

Longest Survivor: Would love to but in Mexico and already had celebration drinks. Wouldn’t be allowed on a plane with how drunk I am.

Left at the starting line: Five minutes away.

Didn’t feel the need: @BEWARE! Are you coming?

BEWARE!!: Can’t cancel these plans.

Didn’t feel the need: No problem mate.

“Only one thing can make this day even better!” Max exclaimed as he put the shopping down on the marble counter top in the kitchen.

Charles looked up from his book, pushing his reading glasses on top of his curly hair. “What’s got you so chipper this morning, amore?” Charles said as he caught the beaming smile on Max’s face. A smile that was normally reserved for Charles and their small family only.

Having put all the perishables away in the fridge Max grabbed his phone a put on some music. “Can’t I just be happy?” He said pulling Charles up to his feet, before he started to sway with the younger in time to the slow song that was playing. “Um. You normally have a reason to be this happy.”

“Horner has been fired from Red Bull effective immediately.” Max whispered in Charles ear before he pulled back to look at Charles face. The Dutchman did let out a small laugh upon seeing Charles jaw dropped open. “Your serious!”

“Yes! I’m so glad that Yuki wasn’t fired.” Max started to explain. “I knew someone was getting fired and it felt like when Christian fired Checo and Liam. So I assumed it was going to be Yuki but I’m glad that it’s Christian instead.”

“And you were worrying about telling Christian about us.”

“I was. But the problem is I don’t want to tell people that you are my boyfriend.” Max said as he pulled away from Charles.  The Ferrari driver looked at Max in confusion, did Max still want to keep them a secret. Then another thought hit the younger of the two men, what if Max wanted to break up with him.

“When I came in earlier I said that only one thing can make my day better. So..” As Max spoke he reached into his pocket to pull out a box all whilst sinking to one knee. “Charles Marc Hervé Perceval Leclerc, the love of my life and my rival on the track. Will you marry me?”

 Charles could only nod, knowing that if he let himself speak it would only be sobs of joy with how much he had dreamed in this moment. Charles sunk to his knees before grabbing Max’s face in his hands and kissing him like it was the last time they would kiss. To both of them it was a kiss that spoke a million words.

Once Charles had pulled back Max slipped on the titanium red band. “How are we going to tell the kids?” Charles asked as he rested his forehead against Max’s. “I just realised something.”

“What have you just realised my fiancé?”

“Today is Kimi’s first day of his life where Christian hasn’t been Team Principal.” Max said with such a straight face and deadpan voice that it sent Charles into a fit of Giggles.

Chapter Text

LandoWDC25?  @LN4WDC

I’ve been sitting on this for the past week due to the news of Horner being fired. I saw Lando out for dinner after Silverstone with his parents, Oscar, Fernando and Lance Stroll.

|

Needforspeed @AmericanF1Fan

Are you sure Ness?

|

LandoWDC25? @LN4WDC

I know what I saw.

DrivingTennis

Alcaraz and Sinner are the Lestappen of Tennis. By this is mean that both will kiss in a moment of passion after one of them wins.

Liked by @CharlesLeclerc✔️

|

DrivingTennis

Mr Charles Leclerc, sir? What are you doing here?

|

Needforspeed @AmericanF1Fan

You’ve peaked! How does it feel?

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DrivingTennis 

Like I just recovered the lost ark.

FanofGR63

Is it just me or has George seemed off a little since Canada.

TifosiFan2020

Okay but do different drivers have different favourite songs or even musicals?

I feel like Kimi would definitely listen to Måneskin

And George seems like a Heathers fan.

AKA12MERC ✔️

I like GOSSIP by Måneskin. Definitely a favourite song of mine. The Lightning Thief Musical is special to me as I learnt English through reading the Percy Jackson books and listening to the musical.

George likes to blast Candy Store as his pre-race hype music. And yes he can sing the Heather Chandler Riff.

ChalesLeclerc ✔️

I don’t really have a fav song at the moment. 

I’ve seen Wicked a few times with @SpanishRookie .

SpanishRookie ✔️

It’s a good musical.

LS18 ✔️

My favourite musical is Falsettos, and my current favourite song is You gotta die sometimes.

@LandoWINS!!! Took me to see Kinky Boots recently and that was really good actually.

LandoWINS!!! ✔️

‘Tis amazing!! 100/10 would recommend.

Chapter Text

The Lestappen Family

Maman: Kids there is something that me and your Pa need to tell you.

Middle: Oh god! You guys are getting divorced.

Eldest: Shotgun getting Charles after the divorce!

Minore: Why do you think that mama and papa are getting a divorce?

Middle: Kimi. When you’re parents tell you they need to tell you something it normally means that they are getting a divorce.

Minore: But I don’t want them to get a divorce.

Maman: NO!

Pa: Kimi, we’re notting getting a divorce.

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Baby duck: Are you and Papa at the apartment?

Mama Duck: I am. Charles is out at shops getting food for dinner. Do you want to come over?

Baby Duck: Yes please.

Baby Duck: I’m about 2 minutes away.

Mama Duck: That’s fine ducky. I’ll message Charles telling his you’ll be staying for dinner.

Mama Duck: What were you doing in Monaco, normally on your holidays you’re back in Italy?

Baby Duck: I was meeting with up George to go over strategy.

Private chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

💙: Kimi’s staying over for dinner.

❤️ : I’ll order him some crispy shredded beef.

❤️: I’m next in the queue. Love you!

💙: Love you too baby!

The Lestappen Family

Maman: As me and Max were going to say is that we got engaged!

Eldest: OMG!

Minore: Best news ever!

Middle: I want details!

Pa: We were at the apartment when I asked. It was the the happiest day of my life so far.

Eldest: I would have thought that when Christian was fired would have been the happiest day of your life.

Maman: Max proposed after we had found out that Christian had been fired. He said that only one thing could make him happier in that moment and that’s when he proposed.

Eldest: That is so cute!!!

Pushing the door open to his and Max’s apartment while balancing the takeaway in one hand. Normally that would be no issue if he was alone, but with the extra food for Kimi as well it was making it slightly more difficult.

Placing the food down on the dinning room table, Charles called out to his boys while going into the kitchen to grab bowls out from the cupboards. Normally once he had returned to dinning room both Max and Kimi would be waiting for him. However, this time Charles was greeted with an empty table.

It wasn’t until that Charles had walked into the lounge that he found his missing fiance and youngest child, if anything Max had adopted Kimi without telling him. The two had been attached at the hip since Kimi had first meet Max when the young italian had done his first FP1 in the Mercedes car, and they were no expedition that night. Charles had found them cuddled up on the sofa, probably waiting for him to come back home with the food. Next to Kimi’s hip led Leo while Jimmy and Sassy slept near the top of Max’s head.

Charles just smiled fondly as he looked at his family, feeling nothing but love for them. He also may have taken a photo of the father and son duo to make his lockscreen., but that was just for him to know.

Chapter Text

You two need to talk 

LH: Welp. Today’s been shit.

GR: Tue.

GR: Are you okay Kimi?

AKA: Cazzo no.

LH: It’s okay Kimi. Everyone has bad days.

AKA: But it’s not a bad day, it’s a bad few weeks. And to make it worse I cried during Media.

LH: I’m coming over.

GR: Kimi. I’ll be there as soon as my media duties are done.

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Andrea Kimi Antonelli

Mama Duck: Kimi are you okay?

Baby Duck: I’m getting better.

Mama Duck: I don’t want you to be alone.

Baby Duck: George is with me and Lewis has just left.

Baby Duck: I’m fine. Seriously Max.

You two need to talk 

AKA: Thanks for you for earlier you two.

LH: Kimi, it’s no problem, you needed people who have been where you are and that’s why we are here for you.

GR: What Lewis said.

AKA: I’ve got to ask where you both serious about bringing the current Mercedes regime from the inside?

LH: Absolutely.

GR: You’re my little brother. I don’t want to see you hurt and how Toto is putting so much pressure on you is hurting you. And I can’t bear that.

LH has changed chat name to The Dream Team

GR: I like this.

GR: But this isn’t the full dream team.

GR has added Nico Rosberg 

GR has changed Nico Rosberg ’s name to NR

NR: What is this?

AKA: The dream team!

LH: Basically, me and Geroge are sick of how Mercedes is being run under Toto now. Especially, due to the pressure that they are putting Kimi under. So we’ve decided to bring it down from the inside and then create a new team with all of us. Hence the dream team.

NR: And you want me to?

LH: Team Principal.

NR: I would have thought that would be your job?

GR: Lewis wants to be my engineer.

AKA: I’m keeping Bono!!!

LH: I’ll announce my retirement from racing once we bring down Toto, just in time for the next season to begin.

AKA: What do you think?

NR: Fuck it.

NR: I’m in!

LH has changed NR ’s name to Team Principal

LH has changed AKA ’s name to Italian Driver

LH has changed GR ’s name to English Driver

LH has changed his name to George’s Engineer

Private Chat between Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg

1xWDC: I like the idea of us working together. Even if it’s not driving.

7xWDC: Me too.

7xWDC: But imagine what the public will say about the Team Principal and George’s Engineer.

1xWDC: It will be a massive scandal.

1xWDC: But it will be so worth it.

Chapter Text

The Andrea Kimi Antonelli Protection Squad

Protective Mama Duck: Anyone else worried about Kimi after seeing his interview yesterday?

Lord Perceval: Definitely.

The Coolest Mercedes Brother: I spoke with him yesterday. He was doing better when I left him and George.

Wine Aunt: You left Kimi alone with George.

The FUN Uncle: After what happened in Canada?!

The Coolest Mercedes Brother: They made up and that’s all I’m telling you guys because it’s none of your business.

Spy on the Inside: That explains why Kimi seems happier at the moment.

British Brother-in-law: How are you guys spending your Red Flag?

The FUN Uncle: George is making tea and me and Kimi are going over strategy for him. He may not get into the points but there will be a great fight in the midfield.

Ferrari grandfather!: Turn on the sky sports coverage!

Lord Perceval: OMG!

Protective Mama Duck: @The Coolest Mercedes Brother is your boyfriend telling the whole world about your relationship?

The Coolest Mercedes Brother: Yep.

The FUN Uncle: You two are the the worst kept secret in the entire history of F1.

The Coolest Mercedes Brother: Nico, baby, did you really have to do a show and tell of our relationship to your coworkers?

TV Brother-in-law: You find something to talk about during this long Red Flag.

Australian Brother: Just heard that the race is going to start in 20 minutes.

Protective Mama Duck: Finally.

British Brother-in-law: Thank god!

Chapter Text

Post Qualifying

Private chat between Nico Rosburg and Lewis Hamilton.

1xWDC: I swear if I hear you same that you are useless again I will wrap you up in a blanket and  won’t let you leave the Greek villa this summer break.

7xWDC: You’re taking me to Greece for the break?

1xWDC: It was meant to be a surprise.

7xWDC: That sounds nice though. Not going to lie.

1xWDC: Honey, you are driving a shit car. You know this. Even Charles knows this and was shocked the car was in P1.

7xWDC: I know. But they try to spin that it’s drivers faults. I can’t wait until we fix Mercedes.

The Family Grid

Mum: While I am very pleased about my pole I have to ask, @Robin Sparkles and @Abuelo Where on earth did that power in the Aston Martin come from?

Robin Sparkles: I have no idea.

Abuelo: Its a miracle! Slightly annoyed that both @The Hair and @The Son-in-law pushed me down from Third to Fifth.

Robin Sparkles: I’m annoyed that my first time was deleted but very glad that I made it to Q3.

The Son-in-law: Lance!! This is your highest start this season!!! I’m taking you out for drinks tomorrow no matter what place you get.

“That’s nice of Lando.” Fernando said putting down his phone, wincing slightly as he turned around to face Lance’s side of the bed. Said man walked through the hotel door with an ice pack in his hand.

“I might not go out with Lando tomorrow. Depends on how your doing.” As Lance said this he passed the ice pack to his romantic partner of just over a year. “Don’t stay because of me.” Fernando spoke, watching on as Lance stripped out of his Aston Martin shirt and blue jeans to slip into his green flannel pyjama bottoms. The bottoms were the same shade as his car, Fernando had gotten them as a joke but they quickly became Lance’s favourite.

“You’re right.” The younger driver said, getting under the covers to cuddle with the love of his life. “I guess you’re at the age where if you sleep weird you’ll get a bad back.”

Lance giggled as Fernando slapped his arm. As the Canadian pressed the ice pack on the Spaniard’s back, the latter let out a hiss and pulled Lance even closer to him.

“Your an old man.”

“But I’m your old man.”

“Fuck yeah you are!”

What Lance didn’t know about was the ring that sat in Fernando’s suitcase.

Pre-Race

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

💙 : Okay. What’s bothering you?

💙 : You got P1 yesterday but something is bothering you.

❤️ : Do you remember the joke I made about Fernando adopting Lance?

💙 : Yeah.

❤️ : Forget it.

❤️ : They should get married instead.

💙 : Why are you saying that? Fernando has clearly taken a parental role with Lance.

❤️ : I just think that Fernando sticking his tongue down Lances throat is not what a father would do.

💙 : OMG!

💙 : When did you find this out?!

❤️ : Yesterday. I went to go and congratulate Lance on his Quali results but got an eye full of them making out instead.

💙 : Did you say anything to them?

❤️ : No. I got out of there as quick as I could. Mostly so I could reevaluate my life.

❤️ : I’ll ask them about it later after the race. They may be keeping it a secret and I don’t want them to be distracted during the race.

💙 : You are the kindest person I have never known. Anyone else would have told them straight away but you’ve waited so that you don’t ruin their race. I can’t wait to marry you.

❤️ : Then let’s not wait.

💙 : What do you mean?

❤️ : 2 weeks from today, me, you, the kids in a city hall in Italy. Then we have the rest of the summer break as our holiday.

💙 : I’m okay with that.

💙 : Let’s do it. I can’t imagine not being married to you for any longer.

Private chat between Andrea Kimi Antonelli and Lewis Hamilton

Left for Italy: I think people are getting suspicious. I saw something online about our chat during the driver parade being theory that we are planning to over through Mercedes because they made you cry.

So they got an Italian: I mean that is why we decided to take Toto’s Mercedes down.

So they got an Italian: All I was doing was giving you an update on where I am with Doctor Who.

Left for Italy: And you’ve only just started David Tennant’s first season.

So they got an Italian: Don’t worry. I’m going to eat Pizza and Pasta and binge.

Post race

The family grid

Bubbles: You where not letting anyone past where you @Abuelo?

Abuelo: No. I might have let Lance through.

Robin Sparkles: No need to. I actually got points this week. And I finished above Max!!

Dad: You did! Redemption for Sliverstone. And congrats @Baby for your first points in Europe.

Baby: It may have been one but at lest I got a point in Europe. Can’t wait for my holiday plans.

Dad: Also I saw you @The Son-in-law moving both yours and Oscars trophy.

The Son-in-law: I didn’t want to break them!

Grandad: Me too @Baby. I’m going to Greece for the majority of the time. Flying out tomorrow.

Private chat between Andrea Kimi Antonelli and Lewis Hamilton

So they got an Italian: Is it still okay that I message you in your holiday?

Left for Italy: Kimi. I’m expecting a face time call every two days.

So they got an Italian: I just don’t want to disturb you and Nico.

Left for Italy: That doesn’t matter Kimi. Both Nico and I love talking to you.

Private chat between Charles Leclerc and Lance Stroll

CLeclerc: Lance are you and Fernando dating? I’m only asking because I saw you guys kissing yesterday.

LStroll: We’ve been dating for a year and I moved in not long after the Canadian Grand Prix. I’m surprised you didn’t know, we’re not keeping it a secret.

CLeclerc : I’m sorry that I said about him adopting you.

LStroll : Don’t we found it funny.

CLeclerc : Is he treating you okay?

LStroll : I love him with all my heart.

CLeclerc : Good. I’ll let you in on a secret. Max and I are engaged.

LStroll : CHARLES!!! I’m so happy for you! I’ve always thought you two deserved to be together. We’ll have to go on a double date at some point.

CLeclerc : That will be amazing. Definitely do this during the summer break.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Ka-chow!: How’s everybody's summer breaks gone? Proud to say that I have upped my viewing of Cars count by 14.

French: Why am I teammates with you?

Ka-chow!: Because Yuki was too good for you.

French: Toche. My summer was nice, I spent it with my family.

Baby: Boring!

Bubbles: Well what did you do @Baby?

Baby: I rented a cottage in Scotland, finished bingeing Doctor Who and am now hooked on Destination X.

The Son-In-Law: I don’t blame you Kimi. It’s Rob Brydon you take one look at him and are hooked.

Grandad: Me and Nico have been arguing over where they’re going next.

The Hair: I believe they are off to just in Spain or France.

Baby: Monaco.

Grandad: Kimi no.

Baby: In the episode teaser there is an F1 car. Hence Monaco.

The Son-In-Law: But it was a Ferrari. Therefore Maranello.

Grandad: Makes more sense than Monaco.

Baby: @Mum Who do you drive for?

Mum: Ferrari.

Baby: And where are you from?

Mum: Monaco.

Baby: Boom!

Grandad: Makes sense.

Food?: What did you do this summer other than watch this show Lando?

The Son-In-Law: I took Oscar Gromit hunting around Bristol.

The Hair: Nice.

Dad: What hunting?

The Son-In-Law: Gromit hunting, as in Wallace and Gromit. It’s a trail that raises money for the Children's hospital in Bristol.

Grandad: It’s a big thing in the UK.

Take me Home: Massive. They had one in London one year. My parents took me to do that.

Dad: That sounds nice and fun.

Favourite Child: It was fun actually. A bit weird when Lando started freaking out after a man got out of a lift before we went in.

The Son-In-Law: It wasn’t any old man Oscar. It was Nick Park!

Take me home: Lucky!!!

Abuleo: Sounds you all had fun. I am looking forward to beating you all.

Loyal: @Abuelo are you watching that James Bond thing on Prime?

Abuelo: Yes. But only when Lance isn’t watching True Crime Documentaries.

Robin Sparkles: It’s always the Mormons! 

Traitor to the Revolution: Now you guys know what I’ve been putting up with all summer from him.

Robin Sparkles: I’m onto on about the O.J Simpson case. It’s mental.

Voice Kink: I just finished it! The amount of evidence they didn’t collect and the witnesses that could place him at the crime scene that weren’t called up to testify.

Robin Sparkles: I’m thinking of going to uni just to do a course in Criminology.

The Baddest and Coolest Bitch in F1 History: I hear the Cardiff Met have a really good course.

Thinks he’s the best has changed his name to Spanish™

Spanish™: Take James with you please.

Loyal: We are sick of hearing about True Crime. We now have a murder board at HQ and in Hospitality.

World Champion and his Chaotic makeshift family

Chaotic Bestie: That was a nice sunset in your video Lance.

Chaotic Boyfriend: Thank you! We should go play Golf together at some point.

Chaotic Bestie: Definitely with that shot.

World Champion: Was it nice with Oscar and your guys family?

Chaotic Bestie: Yeah annoying that I had to hide in the photos where he announced his grandstand.

Chaotic Boyfriend: I wish they would give me a grandstand.

World Champion: Maybe they can at spain?

Chaotic Bestie: What does that mean Nando?

Chaotic Boyfriend: I’ll tell you either Saturday or Sunday.

Chaotic Bestie: I’ll hold you to that.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Spanish™: I’m going to be honest this chat was dead last week, and I am not one to complain.

Mum: Si, the majority of us had shit weeks last week.

The Son-In-Law: Two of us where taken out by Mercedes and then had to sit in the grass for the race to finish.

Baby: I said I’m sorry!

Mum: I know Kimi. It’s not the race any of us wanted on our week back.

Dad: At lest I got a podium and we found out that Checo would be returning.

Confused 24/7: I just hope I don’t have to deal with you and Charles on the podium again.

French™: Let’s be honest @Robin Sparkles will be annoyed after that Quali.

Robin Sparkles: Of course I am after last week.

The Son-In-Law: Don’t worry Lance. Your not the only person who was robbed.

Dad: Not my fault I was better than you.

Private Chat Between Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll

Mi Vida: I think I found the reason I did so bad today.

My Love: Go on.

Mi Vida: I took my ring off. And I didn’t take it off last week.

My Love: If I take off the bracelet you gave me and nothing goes wrong will you not keep up with this theory. That I’m sure Lando is in on.

Mi Vida: Fine.

Mi Vida: You know Lando only knows because I wanted to tell someone that wasn’t in either of our direct families.

My Love: I do know Mi Vida. Why haven’t you told Esteban?

Mi Vida: Because it will be funny for him to find out by just bringing him to our wedding.

Chapter Text

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

Mijn Man: I am so proud of you for getting that win Amore.

Mon Mari: I did it for you Schatje, every time I win it’s for you.

Mijn Man: That’s so sweet. But also total crap.

Mon Mari: True, only in Italy, Monaco and every time I have won the championship.

Mijn Man: Why did I marry you?

Mon Mari: Because you love me.

Mijn Man: Or it’s because of your dick.

Mon Mari: Well I guess what they say about Champions being great in bed is true then.

Mijn Man: Come over?

Mon Mari: Sure.

Mijn Man: See you in ten.

Mon Mari: I’ll show you how fast I can be, be there in five. 

Private Chat Between Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll

My Love: You where right.

My Love: We are cursed by taking these off.

Mi Vida: With that strategy today we should ask James and Alex what temples they visited to get rid of their bad luck.

My Love: We could just cuddle and wait to see what happens next race at the moment.

Mi Vida: That sounds nice.

My Love: Good. 

My Love: Are you going to let me in, amar?

Private Chat Between Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: I am so fucking pissed.

🧡🇦🇺: I know what they did for your Pit Stop was horrible.

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: I meant about giving me the position.

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: I don’t think they would have done that if it had been you with the pit stop.

🧡🇦🇺: I understand, but what’s done is done.

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: Anything I can do?

🧡🇦🇺: Can I be the little spoon tonight?

🧡🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿: Whatever you want Osc.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Spanish™: I got Verstappened

The Son-In-Law: It is truly one of the worst feeling in the world.

Mum: I may just be having to hang around with my son at the back of the grid.

Dad: You mean our son.

Confused 24/7: I am going to be honest and say that I didn’t watch Quali. What on earth happened?

Grandad: 6 Red Flags. Carlos got P2.

Spanish™: And we believe that Brittany has cursed Ferrari.

Ka-chow!: I don’t really know the whole thing about the Brittany curse.

Grandad: When Rosberg commentates on a race he likes to take a self at the track and after the photo is released that part of the track usually has a crash happen.

The Son-In-Law: Like me in Canada.

Grandad: Correct. At the last race Nico took a selfie with the Tifosi. I didn’t make it into Q3 and Charles crashed.

Voice Kink: @Loyal knows domes good Temples to get rid of bad luck and curses. We even took Carlos to one on Thursday.

Spanish™: I think it worked considering I’m going to start in P2.

WINiams? More like DNFiam

Bossman: See we told you the Temples would work.

Not the original: And you two where shockingly correct. How are you holding up Alex?

Technically Senior Driver: I’m doing okay. But you know what would make me a lot happier James?

Bossman: What? 

Technically Senior Driver: Going out for dinner tonight as a team, plus Enzo.

Bossman: You two just want to interrogate him because he’s my partner.

Technically Senior Driver: While that is correct.

Not the original: We do also just want to meet him.

Bossman: Fine. I’ll send you address to an Italian restaurant. Be there for 7.

The Dream Team

Italian Driver: How we could have been faster today.

English Driver: We had the speed but not the time.

Italian Driver: At lest we finished above McLaren. And I above you.

George’s Engineer: You did very well today Kiddo.

Italian Driver: I wanted to prove Toto wrong after his comments in Monza.

Italian Driver: I also wanted to make Bono proud. He was fuming after he heard what Toto said. Is it wrong to be slightly glad that Bono didn’t move to Ferrari with you?

George’s Engineer: Absolutely not. Part of the reason I convinced him to stay with Mercedes was because I knew that you two would work well together.

English Driver: When can we add Bono to this chat?

Team Principal: Kimi, can you tell Bono about our plan after the race tomorrow and once he knows we can add him.

Italian Driver: Can do!

George’s Engineer: How did the meeting with the board go?

Team Principal: They are willing to look at the evidence. BUT only once he have a full new team list.

English Driver: Don’t we have that planned out already. 

Team Principal: We need a reserve driver. And we can’t ask Valtteri because he’s going to be driving for Cadillac.

George’s Engineer: I have an idea. I’m going to add him.

George’s Engineer had added Mick Schumacher.

Mick Schumacher: Hello. What is this?

Team Principal: We are bringing down Toto’s Mercedes and this is some of the dream team to replace it. We would like you to become our reserve driver.

Mick Schumacher: I would love too!! I only left the team because of Toto.

Italian Driver: Yay!!!

Team Principal has changed Mick Schumacher’s name to Reserve Driver.

Private Chat Between Mick Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel

German No.2: I’m going back to Mercedes as their Reserve Driver.

German No.1: I thought you left them because of Toto. And you said and I quote “I will never go back there again.”

German No.2: I’ll explain it more when you get home.

German No.1: Should I expect to have sex tonight?

German No.2: Absolutely :)

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

The Hair: I’m having PTSD flashbacks to 2023.

The Son-In-Law: I believe all of us who where driving back then are. Especially with Carlos also on the podium.

Spanish™: VAMOS!!!!

Spanish™: All I needed to show that I am awesome was for those stupid Papaya cars to get out of my way.

Spanish™: Seriously though I hope you two are okay because that was a shit week.

Favourite Child: I’m not going to lie I really wanted Lando to win so the championship gap can get closer and we can race properly again.

The Son-In-Law: Same. But tonight we drink and bitch about our team with Danny Ricc.

The uncle who won’t leave: Yes we do and I’ve already started.

Mum: My husband did very well.

Mum has deleted a message

The uncle who won’t leave: What was that message Charles.

Mum: I didn’t say anything.

The uncle who won’t leave: I must have drunk too much already if I’m imagining text messages.

WINiams? More like DNFiam

Not the original has changed the chat name to WINiams? More like PODIUMS!

Not the original: Am I awesome or what!!

Technically Senior Driver: You where the smooth operator.

Bossman has changed Not the original’s name to The Smooth Operator.

Bossman: Well done Carlos you deserve the name change.

The Smooth Operator: VAMOS!

The Smooth Operator: So either the sticker is my good luck charm or it’s Enzo.

Bossman: I vote that it was both.

Technically Senior Driver: Of course you would.

Private Chat Between Peter Bonnington and Kimi Antonelli

Team Dad: You did really well today Kimi.

Team Son: Grazie Bono!

Team Dad: I’m still fuming with Toto about what he said.

Team Son: About that.

Team Son: Me, George, Lewis and Nico have put a case forward to the board against Toto and possibly getting a dream team with Lewis as George’s engineer and Nico as our Team Principal.

Team Dad: Why are you telling me all of this before the rest of the team know about it Kimi?

Team Son: Because you are one of the few people who I trust in the current Mercedes team. And because I want you to keep being my race engineer, that is if you want to of course.

Team Dad: Of course I do Kimi. Don’t tell Lewis but you are my favourite driver by far.

The Dream Team

Italian Driver has added Peter Bonnington

Italian Driver has changed Peter Bonnington’s name to Kimi’s Engineer

Team Principal: Welcome to the dream team Bono.

Kimi’s Engineer: Thank you. And well done on the podium today George, even if I think that Kimi should have had it.

English Driver: Thanks. I didn’t really want to drive but the pressure to from Toto was too much. Even though Valtteri said he would drive.

Team Principal: Speak of your podium.

Team Principal: The board are now looking at our evidence. We added George being made to drive while not 100% as the first bit of new evidence they read today and they wanted to read the rest. We should know if they start their own investigation next race weekend.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

Bubbles: How was your drive home last week @mum and @Spanish™?

Spanish™: It was quite, which was nice.

Mum: I managed to do some more research into Greek Mythology.

Favourite Child: I love Greek Mythology. Do you have a favourite Myth? Mine’s Apollo and Hyacinthus.

Mum: I like Pandora’s box.

The Son-In-Law: I knew a girl named Pandora once.

The Hair: Never got to see inside her box.

Mum: wHat?

Grandad: I wanted to finish the quote. Fuck you George.

Spanish™: Okay I can’t be the only one thats confused.

Take me home: Watch Notting Hill. It’s a classic.

The Son-In-Law: Hugh Grant was my bisexual awakening.

Dad: That explains so much.

Robin Sparkles: Okay. Carlos what did you do?

Spanish™: I got a podium the other week and drove home from Nice.

Robin Sparkles: What did you do to the queen?

Spanish™: I thought she was dead.

Abuleo: I’m so confused.

Robin Sparkles: Just listen to The Eldest Daughter.

Mum: What did you do?

Spanish™: I don’t know! Maybe she’s just a fan.

Abuleo: The rumours will be flying. Remember when she mentioned an Aston Martin and everyone thought it was about me and Lance.

Ka-chow!: Still not convinced you didn’t date the queen.

Abuleo: I didn’t. 9 years is too small of an age gap for me.

Private Chat Between Fernando Alonso and Lance Stroll

Mi Vida: Our first dance will be to the Fate of Ophelia by the way.

My Love: I thought it was going to be lover.

Mi Vida: Second dance then.

My Love: Agreed. 

The Family Grid

The Hair: Look at me! Getting Pole!!!

Baby: We are on a role!!!!

Dad: I’m also on a role. 2 Grad Prix wins. Starting on the front row and my GT3 win last week.

The Hair: Yes. Yes. You are on a win streak.

Dad: I’m just annoyed that I didn’t get pole.

Baby: It’s okay mama. Maybe we can get a family podium again. 

Grandad: Does anyone else feel left out of this conversation.

Mum: I thought it was just me.

Spanish™: I’m ready to go sleep for the whole weekend.

Loyal: I’ll join you.

Private Chat between Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc

Mon Mari: If I win this race can we tell the rest of the grid that we got married?

Mijn Man: Of course!!! Want to have a party and then subtly drop it in conversation and see who can figure it out first.

Mon Mari: You read my mind.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

The Hair: I would like to credit my win to Kimi blasting The Fate of Ophelia in his side of the garage this weekend.

Robin Sparkles: I did love hearing it this weekend.

The Hair: Shut up Lance. I saw you trying to steel my son before the drivers parade.

The Hair: It’s bad enough that I have to co parent him with Max, Charles, Lewis and Bono. I can’t deal with another person in the custody agreement.

Baby: You are aware that I am in this chat.

The Hair: Yes.

Mum: Yes.

Grandad: Yes.

Robin Sparkles: Yes.

Dad: Yes.

Baby: Well. I’m going to watch Supernatural with Mama (@The Hair).

The Dream Team

Kimi’s Engineer: George. The Fate of Ophelia is not the only reason why you won.

Reserve Driver: I’m sorry. I know it’s a banger but it’s not the only reason.

English Driver: How did you know about the music Mick?

Reserve Driver: Seb is still in the driver chat. He just reads it and everyone forgot he was there.

Team Principal: I would also like to know what else we credit the win too.

Italian Driver: Me, George, Lewis and Bono decided to blast Cruel Summer and just scream the bridge.

George’s Engineer: It was a nice time in what has been a shit week.

Team Principal: Want to cuddle and watch Matt Smith Doctor Who when you get home?

George’s Engineer: Yes Please.

English Driver: Keep it off the work chat please.

George’s Engineer: 🖕

Italian Driver: I think it’s romantic.

Chapter Text

The Family Grid

The Son-In-Law: I am regretting my life choices.

Grandad: Being in a title fight with your teammate is always hard.

The Son-In-Law: What?

The Son-In-Law: That’s not why I’m regretting my life choices.

Favourite Child: Lando was sent home from the MTC today.

The Son-In-Law: I have a cold. And it’s fucking terriable.

Dad: Partied to hard after the constructors win?

The Son-In-Law: You’re one to talk.

Dad: What does he mean by that?

Abuelo: Do you remember Vegas last year?

Dad: I remember winning.

Grandad: You where so drunk that me and Fernando where worried that you would do something stupid.

Dad: But I didn’t!

Dad: Anyway, party to hard after a win Lando?

The Son-In-Law: Let’s go with that.

Familia! + Nico

Mama: Just to warn you all I have a really bad cold.

Takes after Mama: Do you want me to get you some soup?

Mama: No thanks gabi.

Not a Twin: Can I have some chocolate?

Takes after Mama: No.

Found at a Petrol Station: Lance, you also have a cold?

Better than Tesla: Who else has a cold?

Papa: Lando.

Found at a Petrol Station: But you wouldn’t celebrate another teams win?

Mama: No.

Nico: How come both you and Lando got a bad cold?

Mama: We were at a party. But not to celebrate McLaren’s win.

Takes after Mama: What kind of party?

Mama: A Taylor Swift listen Party.

Nico: A what?

Mama: We went to a club that was just playing The Life of a Showgirl and danced to it.

Mama: I haven’t gotten ill from a TS party since Midnight came out.

Not a Twin: How long has this been going on?

Mama: Since the queen released Lover. The Best album in my opinion.

Papa: True.

Found at a Petrol Station: No wonder you two are getting married.

Better than Tesla: Can I come to the next one?

Mama: Absolutely.