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Chapter Text

Terriermon had not been looking for Impmon.  Not really.  They’d all tried really hard to find him after he’d been pummeled by Indramon, but the search had stopped a while ago.  Renamon said that if they hadn’t found him then he didn’t want to be found, and they should respect his wishes.

Terriermon thought that the last time they’d respected Impmon’s wishes he’d gotten the data beaten out of him and had nearly gotten himself deleted.  And privately Terriermon thought that the reason why they couldn’t find him was because he’d been deleted anyway, but he knew better than to say that out loud.  It would just make Henry and Rika yell at him, Takato would probably cry, and Renamon would be both furious and devastated, and she’d probably give him the silent treatment for weeks.

So Terriermon kept those particular thoughts to himself.  This just wasn’t a hill worth dying on.

He’d stopped thinking and worrying about Impmon.  He thought that whatever trouble he’d gotten himself into, well, he’d kinda gotten himself into it, didn’t he?  Terriermon felt bad for him, but Impmon had delusions of grandeur and tried to take on more than he could take.

Terriermon had only been out and about because he needed a break.  Susie was home from school with a small cold, and she just wouldn’t stop playing with him like a doll.  There was a lot that Terriermon was willing to tolerate when it came to Susie, but there was only so much pretty princess he could take.  He’d wanted Henry to get him out of the house, like he usually did, but he’d been told to not bring ‘toys’ to school anymore, so Terriermon was left behind.

Just because he couldn’t go to school didn’t mean he had to be stuck at the Wong residence all day.  Sneaking out was all too easy, and Terriermon had experience evading attention from humans.  He may not be as sneaky as Renamon was, but he wasn’t as oblivious and obvious as Guilmon.

It had been a long time since Terriermon had gone out on his own, just for the sake of it.  It was maybe a little bit boring, because nobody was there to react or respond to anything clever he might say, but it was pretty exciting too.  Terriermon didn’t think he was doing anything wrong, exactly, but he had still snuck out, and he was still doing something risky that he knew Henry would disapprove of.  It was a little thrilling.

He didn’t really know why he went to the old water tunnels.  Maybe it was because he could run around and be as loud as he wanted, because it wasn’t like there was anybody else around to hear him.  He hopped around the tunnels, skipping in a way that he’d seen Susie do sometimes, and he would never admit to Henry that he wanted to  do that too, just to see if it was as fun as it looked.  He talked to himself, just giving a voice to all the things he’d been keeping to himself because it was all too intense to actually say in front of the others.

He was pretty deep in the tunnels and was about ready to turn back when he heard something.  At first he thought it was an echo, but with a tilt of his ears he could hear a bit more clearly and he could tell that wasn’t his voice.

“-upid, useless.”  Terriermon stopped where he stood and frowned.  He knew that voice.  Even in the echoey tunnels he definitely recognized it.  “Complete waste of data.  Better off absor-”  Terriermon stiffened and gasped every so slightly.  He doubted he’d been heard, but the sound kept him from hearing the end of that sentence.

Though, maybe that was a good thing.  He took a step back, and then another, pressing his ears firmly against his head because he didn’t actually want to hear more.  He’d heard enough to get a bad feeling about this.

That was a digimon.  They’d mentioned data, and possibly insinuated being absorbed, but he didn’t want to think about that part.  It was a horrible thing for any digimon to say.  They were programmed to seek out strength and power, and this random digimon was talking about weakness.  About giving up.  That wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Random digimon.  That part wasn’t true, Terriermon just didn’t want to think about it.  He was confident it was a digimon down there, but he couldn’t smell them.  There was no sense of there being a rival or enemy around.  That meant the digimon was one he was familiar with.  One whose voice he recognized.

He could count on one hand the number of digimon he knew closely, and one of them happened to be missing.

Impmon.  Terriermon had found him here in the water tunnels.  He should be pleased with himself about it, but he just felt slightly ill.  He wasn’t supposed to be the one to find Impmon.  He wasn’t his friend, not really.  Terriermon tolerated him, and messing with Impmon could be a lot of fun.  But he didn’t need to be messed around with right now, he needed help.  He needed to be taken care of, and that just wasn’t Terriermon’s specialty.

He hadn’t seen Impmon’s physical state, but those words he’d heard him say…it wasn’t right.  None of this was right.  Terriermon knew he couldn’t help him, and he was scared that if he tried he would just make things worse.

Impmon needed a gentler touch, and Terriermon didn’t think anybody had a gentler touch than Henry.  He quickly left, hoping he could find his tamer before something else happened.  Impmon had lasted this long.  He should be fine for another hour or two.

Impmon felt like trash, both physically and in a metaphysical sense.

He’d tried to be strong.  He’d tried to prove that he didn’t need anybody.  No stinking tamers who were too young to know the meaning of the word power.  No self-righteous vixen  who refused to get off of her high horse.  No stupid mule-faced Devas who got a kick out of pushing someone when they were already as low as they could get.

Impmon shuddered at the memory of his encounter with Indramon, and just that small amount of movement made the pain flare.  He clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut tight as waves of agony seemed to pulse through his body.  What wasn’t in pain was completely numb, and he didn’t think that was any better.

Eventually the pain subsided to something more tolerable.  It still hurt.  A lot.   But he didn’t feel like it was actively killing him.

A part of him wished it would.

He didn’t want to die.  Not really.  But he wanted to stop hurting.  He wanted to be able to stand without feeling like his feet and legs and everything was being bombarded by pins and needles.  He wanted to rest.

More than that, he hoped that if he was deleted then maybe when he came back it would be as someone better.  Someone stronger.  Someone who was worth more than just being a waste of data space, and hurting those who were stupid enough to think that he could ever be good enough.

But he was scared of being a digitama again and starting over.  What if he didn’t change?  What if he was just the same old useless Impmon.  What if what was wrong with him went down to the very data he was made up of, and he just couldn’t be fixed?  He didn’t think he could take it.  So he tried to get stronger as he was, and it just wasn’t working.  He didn’t want to give up.  He wasn’t a quitter.  But he just couldn’t do this anymore.

He was so tired.  He didn’t want to be alone, but he couldn’t bear to be around anybody else.  He’d just end up ruining them, because screwing things up seemed to be the only thing he was good at.  Impmon knew the others were looking for him, and multiple times he’d considered revealing himself and letting them pamper and take care of him, but he’d held himself back and slank down to the water tunnels.  All he had left was his pride.  He didn’t have a lot of it, but it was something.

Impmon knew what the humans would do if they found him. They'd pretend to care.  They would act like they were friends.  What he didn’t understand was why.  Did they just pity him and consider him their new project?  Did they want to use him as a test subject to see if they could actually tame a digimon?  Had Renamon told the others that he had tamers, and the brats wanted to take him back to his own kids, because none of these kids seemed to be able to wrap their head around the idea that he might not want to be around his tamers.

And they probably didn’t want him around either.  If he was in their shoes he definitely wouldn’t want him around.

If he wasn’t stuck in this pathetic body he would leave himself behind too.  But since he couldn’t do that he instead left everybody else, because it was all he could do to spare everybody else from needing to deal with him.

Impmon knew that wasn’t usually his motivation for leaving, but at this second it was all he could think about, and he couldn’t really remember what it felt like to not feel like this.

In the water tunnels, fading in and out of consciousness, he didn’t know how much time had passed.  Had it been two days?  Two weeks?  He didn’t feel any better, physically or otherwise, and he just didn’t know how it could change.

“Impmon?”  He blinked, his ears ringing.  Had he just imagined something?  It wouldn’t be the first time.  He’d been hearing echoes of Ai and Mako’s voices constantly, and the ghost of Renamon refused to leave him alone.

This would be the first time he had hallucinated Henry’s voice though.

“Impmon!”  The voice was clearer this time.  Impmon blinked, his vision focusing.  He hadn’t realized that he was looking without really seeing.  He turned his head to the side and felt something inside of him break when he saw Henry running down the tunnel, Terriermon’s annoying wings flapping in the air behind him as he clung to the boy’s shoulders.

What were they doing here?

“Buzz off.”  Impmon tried to growl and sound threatening.  He may not be strong, but he liked to think that he could be intimidating.  He knew how to show people that he wasn’t to be pushed around.  But he was tired, shocked, and not at all ready for any of this.  His voice barely sounded more threatening than a whimper.

Henry didn’t even falter in his steps.  He continued running towards Impmon, not stopping until he was right in front of him.  Henry reached out to him.  Impmon wanted to hit him with the old Bada Boom and show him what happened when he tried to underestimate him, but he couldn’t even summon a little flame.  He barely had enough strength to weakly knock away Henry’s hand.

“I don’t need your pity.”  He said.  That short sentence left him feeling breathless.  He couldn’t even talk.  Just how pathetic could he be?

Henry drew his hand back, his brow furrowed.  “I’m not pitying you, I just-”

“Don’t even try lying to me.”  Impmon tried to push himself up to his feet, because sitting sprawled on the ground was not doing him any favors to feel stronger.  His arms gave out under him and he almost crumbled to the ground.  White spots danced in his vision.  He wanted to give in to unconsciousness, but he felt gentle hands on his arms and it was too much.

“Back off!”  He pushed Henry away.  He fell to the ground again, but this time Henry didn’t catch him or help him up.  At least he’d finally gotten the message.  “I don’t want your help!”  He tried yelling.  It was ruined a bit by the coughing fit he fell into immediately afterward.  It was annoying, and it hurt.   His chest and throat were burning and tickling.  He felt like he needed to cough more, but that would just make the pain worse again.

“Who are you kidding?”  Terriermon hopped off of Henry’s shoulders, just so he could stand right in front of Impmon.  He wished he could punch the patronizing look off of his smug little face, but all Impmon could do was glare.  “You can’t even move.  You really think you’re strong enough to get over this on your own?”

Impmon seethed.  He knew he was weak, but just because he knew it didn’t mean that he had to sit here and hear it from this dumb rabbit.

“I’m strong.”  Impmon snapped.  But…but he wasn’t.  He wanted to be.  He’d tried to be.  But it wasn’t good enough.  He wasn’t good enough, and the knowing look that Terriermon gave him made it clear that he knew it too.

“S-shut up!”  Impmon screamed.  He ducked his head, unable to see Henry’s pity and Terriermon’s knowing look.  “Shut up.”  His eyes were filled with tears, not from the physical pain he was in, and it made him feel sick.  As though he wasn’t pathetic enough.

“I’m strong.”  Impmon said, his voice quiet and frail, contradicting his words.  Why couldn’t these two just leave him alone?  Did they not think he’d suffered enough?  They needed to bear witness to just how far he had sunk for themselves?

“...Prove it.”  Terriermon said, his voice sounding way too casual.  Impmon heard the light sound of his footsteps as he walked away.  Curious, Impmon lifted his head and watched as Terriermon walked a few yards away before stopping.  Terriermon turned and looked at him, a challenging look in his eyes.

“Get up.”  Terriermon said, as though it was the easiest thing in the world.  “Walk over to me.  Show me you’re strong enough to do this easy thing, and I’ll admit you’re right.  I’ll leave you alone, and convince Henry to back off.”

“Terriermon!”  Henry snapped, sounding horrified.  Terriermon didn’t so much as glance at his tamer to give him an apologetic look.  He only looked at Impmon expectantly.  He didn’t know what the uppity bunny-dog-whatever thing was waiting for.  He probably wanted to see Impmon fall flat on his face, because why wouldn’t he?  Or maybe he wanted Impmon to just lay there and silently admit that he was too weak and pathetic to do something as simple as walk.

Impmon would show him.  He’d wipe that self-righteous look right off the jerk’s face.

Seething, Impmon forced his arms under him.  He was shaking and slightly out of breath already, but he gave one final push so he was on his knees.  He would have fallen the other way, but the wall was in the way.  He didn’t want to accept help, but the wall wasn’t going to judge him for leaning on it.

He clenched his teeth and took a deep breath before he adjusted himself and, still leaning against the wall, started to push himself to his feet.  It hurt, but his body always hurt anyway.  A sliver of pride was all he had left, and he wasn’t going to let Terriermon take it from him.

Henry reached for him, but Impmon glared at him harshly.  The boy probably would have happily ignored him, but Terriermon interjected.

“Don’t help him.”  Terriermon said sternly.  “He needs to do this himself.”

Henry made a sound of protest, and Impmon hated it.  He didn’t know which of these two infuriated him more right now.  Terriermon was being insufferable, but Henry’s pity was painful.  The kid didn’t think he could do something as easy as stand up.

He took a step towards Terriermon.  Another step.  It hurt.  It was all too much.  His feet felt like they were on fire.  His back somehow felt like it had been crumpled like aluminum foil and unfolded again, leaving it full of bumps, nudges, and wrinkles that would never be fully smoothed out.  His head was spinning.

He had to move slowly, but at least he was moving.  His vision was swimming, and he felt like he was going to fall.  A part of him wanted to just give up and let the darkness that was swimming at the edge of his vision take over.  But that would mean letting Terriermon win, and Impmon refused to let that happen.

His mind drifted.  He felt a little separated from his body, though he was still in just as much pain as ever.  It was all really weird, but he was halfway there.  He could do this.  He could reach Terriermon.  He could…he could…he…

Impmon took a step and his back leg gave out on him at the same time as his front ankle rolled slightly.  He put more weight on his already burning ankle, and his vision went white as he was overcome with absolute agony.  Impmon tried to scream, but he didn’t even have enough energy for that.  All he could manage was a strangled guttural whimper.

The pain seemed to take ages to die down.  Eventually it returned to a manageable level.  He blinked, wondering why he was on the floor.  And then he wondered why it mattered.  He was as bad as the dirt under his feet, so why not be a part of it?

“Come on!”  Terriormon’s irritating voice said.  Oh, yeah.  That was why he didn’t want to be on the ground.  “Are you really going to give up now?”  He didn’t sound taunting anymore.  He almost sounded encouraging, but why would he be encouraging?  Why would he care?

Impmon couldn’t push himself up.  He couldn’t even lift his head.  He tried really hard to stretch his arm forward.  He had to do this.  He would make it to Terriermon, even if he had to drag himself the rest of the way.  He stretched his arm out, but that was all he could do.  It slumped on the ground and suddenly felt like it weighed a million tons.

Defeated, Impmon grew limp and laid his head on the ground.  His eyes grew heavy and he just couldn’t fight it anymore.  He closed his eyes, feeling like he was floating away as he did so.  The last thing he felt was gentle hands around him, and he felt something inside him break.  He suddenly realized that he’d been played.

Henry and Terriermon had come here to pity him.  To take care of him, even though he didn’t want it.  And he’d let Terriermon goad him into draining himself of all his energy so he couldn’t resist.

Well-played, rabbit-ears.

He finally gave in and embraced the oblivion that had always been right there waiting for him.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe you.”  Henry shot a glare over his shoulder, trying to express just how disappointed he was to Terriermon.  He regularly disagreed with his digimon partner, not really understanding why he was so determined to fight.  Henry got annoyed with Terriermon, but he didn’t think he had ever been so angy with him.

“Why did you have to go pick a fight with him?”  Henry looked down at Impmon in his arms.  The mischievous digimon was unconscious, but still clearly in pain.  He didn’t really get along with Impmon much, and barely knew anything about him besides his tendency to lash out and pull pranks.  But that didn’t mean that he wanted to see him so hurt.

Henry tightened his grip on Impmon and picked up the pace.  He’d be home soon.  He didn’t really know what he would do with Impmon once they were there, but home was a safe place.  It was where Henry wanted to be when he was hurt or sick.  If Impmon had a home of his own Henry would take him there, but he didn’t think he did, so the Wong residency would have to be good enough for now.

“Why did you have to push him?”  Henry had been angry and stern as he scolded Terriermon, but now he just felt quiet and mournful.  Seeing Impmon be brutalized had been frightening and painful, and seeing him still suffering from that sorry excuse of a battle just made Henry feel even worse.  “He was already hurt.  He needed help, and instead you poke at his pride until he ended up hurting himself.”

“You don’t understand.”  Terriermon said, his voice strangely subdued.

“You’re right.  I don’t.”  Henry gave Terriermon a look that was a cross between scolding and pleading.  “So tell me.”

Terriermon climbed higher up on Henry’s shoulders, looking down at Impmon from his perch.  “He’s hurt, but not just on the outside.  Indramon didn’t just attack him physically.  He attacked his, well, his spirit.”  Terriermon made an odd face, like it wasn’t quite the word he was looking for, but he didn’t know how else to say it.  Henry always tried to understand digimon, but he couldn’t help but see things through his human lens.  Henry knew that digimon didn’t exactly have spirits or souls in the same way that humans did.  They had something else, though he didn’t exactly know what.  This word was close enough and got the point across.

“When I found Impmo he was saying…things.”  Terriermon said.  “Concerning things.  I was worried that if we didn’t help him soon then we might lose our chance to help him at all.”  Terriermon narrowed his eyes at Impmon, glaring at him.  “Let him be mad that we didn’t respect his wishes.  At least he’s around to be mad at us.”

Henry felt a chill go down his spine and he tightened his grip on Impmon.  He didn’t completely understand what his partner was saying, but Terriermon sounded so solemn.  So tense.  It gave Henry the feeling that something terrible would happen the second he let Impmon out of his arms.

They didn’t talk anymore as Henry continued home.  He didn’t want to scold Terriermon anymore because it was clear that he didn’t really understand the situation completely.  He needed to get Impmon settled and make sure he was okay, and they’d go from there.

He went to the front door and adjusted his grip on Impmon so he could hold him in one hand, freeing up his other to open the door.  “I’m home!”  He called out, listening for a response.  He wanted to know who in his family was here.  Did he need to expect his older brother to tease him for finding a new plush toy to add to his growing collection?  Could he ask his mother for advice on how to take care of someone who was so seriously hurt?  Did he need to keep Suzie away from Impmon, for both of their sakes?  

Although, what Henry was most worried about was if his dad was here.  He knew eventually he’d probably have to explain to his father why the digimon that had attacked him in the park was now in their home.  That was unavoidable, but he wanted to delay it for as long as he possibly could.

“Henry!”  He heard Suzie’s voice.  Of course she was home.  She was rarely anywhere else, and especially when she was sick.  “I wanna play with Terriermon!  You said I could play with him today.”

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry.”  Henry closed the door.  “But I need Terriermon just a little longer.”

Suzie had been reaching up to take Terriermon from him, but her face got scrunched up at the denial.  She wasn’t used to being told no, and Henry’s stomach twisted in guilt.  He never knew what he was supposed to do with Suzie.  Was he supposed to tell her no and teach her that the world wasn’t always going to give in to her desires, or was he supposed to say yes and let his sister know that she could always count on him, no matter what?  He hated that he didn’t know, and he couldn’t worry about this today.

“Mom!”  Henry called out.  She wasn’t always home during the day, but if Suzie was here their mom wouldn’t leave her alone.

“There’s no need to shout, Henry.”  He heard his mom say from the kitchen.  He walked past Suzie to better talk to their mom.

“Can you take care of Suzie?”  Henry asked desperately.  “Please?  I-I have something really important I gotta do.”  He looked at Impmon in his arms.  “A favor for a friend, but I can’t do it if Suzie won’t stop bugging me.”

Their mom’s mouth thinned and she set down the dishes she was working with.  She crossed her arms and gave Henry a careful look.  She didn’t like it when any of the siblings didn’t get along with each other, but she knew that there were some things that just couldn’t involve anybody.  She let Henry put in place the rule that Suzie wasn’t allowed to touch his computer, even though in general he was supposed to share his things with his little sister.  There were exceptions to all rules, and Henry needed his mom to see that this needed to be one of those exceptions.

“What’s the favor?”  She asked.  Henry wished she knew about digimon and he could just be honest with her.  If she knew that he was just trying to help someone who was hurt she would say yes in a heartbeat.  Unfortunately, that was just too much to get into right now.

“My friend’s stuffed animal got really messed up.”  Henry held up Impmon.  “I said I’d fix it up for him.”  Not the complete truth, but not a complete lie either.  “It’s really important to him.”

His mom’s eyes softened.  She looked at Impmon, who had scuff marks all over him.  “Do you need help?”

Henry relaxed.  She’d bought it.  “I think I’m okay.”  He said.

“You remember how to wash stuffed animals?’  She asked.  As far as she could see that was probably the most obvious problem.  Fortunately, giving Impmon a bath had already been pretty high up there on Henry’s priority list, and bathing an unconscious digimon seemed similar to carefully washing a stuffed animal.

“I remember.”  Henry said.  She had shown him when Suzie had spilled tea on Terriermon and Henry had insisted on being the only one who could clean him.  Terriermon preferred to wash himself, but Henry hadn’t forgotten the lesson.

His mom gave him a small smile.  “I’ll leave you to it then.  Call out if you need anything.”  She turned her attention to Suzie, who was pouting and crossing her arms defiantly.  “Why don’t I make you some rice?  You haven’t eaten much today.”

“But I wanna play with Terriermon.”  Suzie whined.  Their mom took her hand and brought her to the table.

“You can play with Terriermon after you have a snack and take a nap.”  Their mom said.  “You don’t want to get him sick, do you?”

Terriermon shuddered slightly.  Henry didn’t know if digimon could get sick the way that humans could, but he didn’t want to find out.  He bowed his head to his mom in gratitude and took the two digimon to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him so they wouldn’t be suddenly interrupted.  Henry carefully laid Impmon in the tub and started to fill it with warm, nearly hot, water.  He’d seen Impmon throw flames, so he assumed that the little guy preferred warmer temperatures to cooler ones.

Henry let the tub fill as much as he dared without risking completely submerging Impmon.  He knelt at the edge of the tub and grabbed a small hand towel.  He soaked it and gently brushed it against Impmon, trying to wash off the smudges that he was completely covered in.  Impmon whimpered and shied away from his touch.  Henry froze and grew still.  Impmon didn’t seem to be conscious, but he was still hurt.

“Sorry.”  Henry muttered.  He had no idea what he was doing.  He gave Terriermon a desperate look, but his partner looked just as in the dark as he felt.  “I don’t want to hurt him more.”  Henry had seen digimon get hurt, and it never got any easier to see.  He was still trying to get used to seeing Terriermon and the others fight the devas.  He didn’t like violence.  He hated that kind of display of power.  But sometimes it was necessary, as much as he didn’t want it to be.

But Impmon hadn’t gotten hurt because he’d been fighting for something honorable and right.  And it hadn’t been a fair fight at all.  It hadn’t been a physical battle of ideals, it had been bullying, and Henry wondered if that difference in motivation could be the reason behind the difference in recovery.

Terriermon had gotten hurt before.  Hurt enough to de-digivolve, because he just didn’t have the energy to maintain his stronger form.  But usually he just needed to sit and breathe for a few minutes and he could jump right back into the fray.  Sure, he needed a big meal to get his energy back when the fight was over, and Terriermon preferred to take it easy for a day or two after a big fight, but he was always fine.

Impmon definitely wasn’t.  It had been several days since his encounter with Indramon, and he still looked like he’d crawled away from the fight just a few minutes ago.  If he’d gotten hurt that badly why hadn’t he de-digivolved to his in-training form?  During the fight Henry had seen that Impmon’s data was about to scatter.  He had almost died.   But his physical form had felt as solid as ever now.  Henry didn’t think he was at death’s door.  But he didn’t understand why he was so hurt.  Could this really all be in his head?

Henry’s sensei was always telling him that the mind and body were linked.  That when one’s emotions weren’t at peace, then it was reflected in their body.  It was why whenever Henry was having an off-day at practice his sensei sat him down and had him talk about how he was feeling.  He believed that if one’s mind was balanced, their body would be as well.

Henry didn’t really know how much he believed, or understood, the sentiment.  But it was the only reason he could think of as to why Impmon wasn’t getting better.  Because he wasn’t healing emotionally.

Either that or digimon without tamers healed completely differently than those who had a partner, but he didn’t dare mention that particular idea.   Impmon wouldn’t hesitate to throw a fire ball in his face if Henry implied that he would be stronger with a tamer.

Henry sighed.  He wasn’t cut out for this.  He went back to trying to clean Impmon up.  He hoped the water was soothing for him, or maybe the gentle contact was providing a little comfort.  “Should we tell Rika and Renamon?”  They had been the ones searching the hardest for Impmon.  Henry didn’t really know why Renamon cared about him so much, but it wasn’t his job to question someone’s friendship.  His job was to support Renamon and do what he could to make sure her friend was okay.

Terriermon shifted uncomfortably.  “I don’t know.”  He admitted, and that just made Henry feel even more lost.  Terriermon was supposed to be confident and sure in what he was doing.  “We should probably tell them, but sometimes it’s a lot easier to show weakness to an acquaintance than a friend.  Impmon doesn’t care what we think of him, but I think he does care about Renamon’s opinion.  I don’t want him to try to run off when he’s not ready.”

That would make sense, but it didn’t make Henry feel any better about what he was supposed to be doing now.  Cleaning Impmon up and trying to get him as comfortable as he could was all he could do.

Impmon didn’t shy away from him anymore.  By the time Henry was done Impmon had finally started to look relaxed and almost calm.  If Henry didn’t know better he would think the digimon was at peace.

It wasn’t going to last though.  Getting clean was not going to be enough to erase the anger and feelings of inferiority.  As soon as he woke up he was going to be furious and defensive again.  He might try to walk away from them again.  Maybe Henry could convince Impmon to stick around and hear him out just a little bit if he had some food or something to bribe him with.

Henry stood up, hanging up the wet towel.  “I’m going to get a snack for Impmon.  Keep an eye on him.  If he wakes up and starts a fight try to get him to stay, but be gentle.”

“Momentai.”  Terriermon said.  “I’m not going to beat him while he’s down.  I’ll at least wait until he can fight back.”

“No fighting.”  Henry said seriously.  He gave Terriermon a warning look and got up.  He went into the kitchen, scouring the fridge, trying to think of what Impmon would want to eat.  Would he want something familiar?  Or maybe something new would intrigue him enough to convince him to stay.  Henry decided to put together a snack that he usually liked to share with his dad.  He didn’t know if Impmon had ever had Chinese food before, but it never failed to make Henry feel better when he was upset.

He really wasn’t in the kitchen for too long.  Maybe just a few minutes.  As he made his way back to the bathroom though he heard Suzie’s voice and he felt like his heart stopped.  He almost dropped the snack plate as he ran into the bathroom, nearly tripping over Terriermon, who was sprawled out on the floor, playing dead like he always did when Suzie was around.  Terriermon’s eyes reflected the same panic that Henry was feeling.

Suzie was supposed to be taking a nap or being watched by their mother.  Instead she was in the bathroom, talking cheerfully as she reached into the tub and grabbed Impmon’s hand, waving it around a little bit.  She thought he was a toy, like Terriermon, and Henry didn’t want to think about what could happen if she tried to play with him.

“Suzie!”  Henry said sharply.  He grabbed her hand and, with maybe a little more force than necessary, pulled it away from the tub, making her release Impmon.  “What are you doing here?!”

“I wanted to say hi to your friend.”  Suzie said.  “He doesn’t look dirty anymore.”

“You’re not supposed to be here.”  Henry started to push his little sister away and out of the room, but he froze when he heard Impmon groan.  He looked into the tub and saw vibrant green eyes.

Impmon’s eyes were unfocused.  Henry didn’t know if he was even registering what he was seeing.  He wasn’t looking at Henry.  Impmon was looking at Suzie, which was exactly what Henry had been afraid of.  He didn’t want the mischievous digimon anywhere near his sister.

Suzie recovered from her shock a lot faster than Henry did.  She smiled and pulled away from Henry, leaning over the tub to get closer.

“Hi!”  Suzie said.  Impmon blinked and just stared at her.  He looked confused and a little frightened.

“A-Ai.”  Impmon’s voice trembled.  If Henry didn’t know better he would say that Impmon was about to start crying.

“I’m Suzie.”  She climbed into the tub, completely uncaring about the water and getting her clothes soaked.  “What’s your name?”

Impmon blinked.  It was a really long moment before a little clarity came to his eyes.  “Suzie, huh?”  He started to push himself up.  Impmon groaned and grimaced, but he was able to sit up with a lot more ease than earlier.  Maybe a little real rest had done a lot more for him than Henry thought it would.  “I’m Impmon.”

Henry swallowed thickly.  Why was Suzie acting like everything was fine?  He would have thought that she would start crying and run off to tell their mom that there was a demon in the bathtub.  And why was Impmon just casually talking to her?  He hated humans.

“Impmon.”  Suzie beamed.  “Like Terriermon?”

Impmon scoffed.  “I’m ten times tougher than that fluffball.”  Henry had to bite his tongue and refrain from saying that Impmon had been thrashed by a deva, while Terriermon had played a hand in defeating numerous of them.

“You don’t look tough.”  Suzie said.  Henry grimaced.  His sister had a tendency to be blunt, and he doubted that Impmon would take her observation well.  Sure enough he growled and stiffened, his ten standing on end.  He looked about to attack Suzie, who was oblivious to the danger she was in.  “Are you sick?”

“...Huh?”  Impmon’s confusion defused some of his anger.  

“I’m sick.”  Suzie said.  “It makes me feel sleepy and grumpy, and you look sleepy and grumpy.”  She scooted closer to Impmon, who drew back from her ever so slightly.  “A snack made me feel better.  Are you hungry?”

Henry knew his cue when he saw it.  “I brought some food.”  He offered the plate to Impmon, who flinched ever so slightly before scowling and pushing the plate away with so much aggression that Henry almost ended up dropping it again.

“Stay away from me.”  Impmon growled.  Henry had expected this kind of reaction, but he was still annoyed.  He was just trying to help.

“Henry, stop scaring him.”  Suzie gave him a scolding look.  She turned back to Impmon.  “Sorry about my brother.  He can be really mean sometimes.”

“Mean?”  Henry was aghast, but his reaction was nothing compared to Impmon’s.

“Brother?!”  He looked scared out of his mind.  “You…you two…”  He made a strangled sound.  “Do all humans come with a sibling?”  Why did he sound so frightened about the very idea?  Henry got annoyed with his siblings sometimes, but they weren’t that bad. 

How did Impmon even know what siblings were?  Henry didn’t think that digimon had siblings.

Suzie giggled.  “I have two big brothers and a big sister, so there’s four of us.”

“F-four.”  Impmon looked like he was about to faint.  Henry may not know what the problem was, but he thought that pushing him so soon after he woke up was not what they should be doing.

“Suzie, Impmon needs to rest and take it easy.”  Henry said.  He reached for Impmon, intending to take him to his room and get him somewhere comfortable.  The digimon flinched back and actually hissed at him.

“Don’t touch me.”  Impmon said.  Henry drew back with a sigh.

“I’m not just going to keep you in the bath.”  Henry said.  “I just want to get you somewhere more comfortable.  I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I don’t care.”  Impmon sneered.  “Stay away from me.”  They were at a bit of an impasse.  Henry didn’t want to push Impmon’s boundaries, but he needed to get him taken care of.  What was he supposed to do?

“What if I helped?”  Suzie piped up.  Henry and Impmon stared at her.  “I can help get you to bed, and Henry doesn’t have to get too close.”

Henry frowned.  He didn’t like this.  “I don’t know-”

“...Sure.”  Impmon said quietly.  He refused to look at Henry, keeping his eyes on Suzie.  “You can help.  But if I say stop, you stop.”

“Okay.”  Suzie agreed easily, though Henry didn’t think she actually understood what boundaries were.  She was just a little kid.  Impmon didn’t seem to know much about kids, because he easily took her at her word.

Susie stood up and Henry held his hands out to help her out of the tub.  When Impmon glared at him he took several steps back, giving Suzie room to hold her own hands out to help Impmon.  It was a much clumsier series of motions than what Henry had done with Suzie, but eventually Impmon to his feet and helped lift him out of the tub.

Suzie tried to pick Impmon up, but he was too big for her to hold him comfortably.  If he wasn’t hurt she could probably manage it, but every grip on him made Impmon flinch and shudder.  He tried to bear through it, but when she tried to wrap her arms around his middle to lift him like she would Terriermon Impmon finally had enough.

“Stop!”  He nearly shouted.  It was so loud that it sounded full of either panic or pain, and Henry didn’t really understand it.  Suzie immediately let him go, and Impmon almost looked surprised about it.

“Why don’t you try walking?”  Henry suggested.  Impmon hadn’t managed it well earlier, but he would have help this time, and he looked better than he had before.  Suzie stood close to Impmon, letting him clutch tightly to her arm as he tried walking.  It was slow progress, and clearly painful, but it was progress.

Henry followed behind Suzie and Impmon, keeping a close eye on them in case something happened.  He grabbed Terriermon as they slowly made their way down the hall and to his bedroom.  Suzie was able to get him to the bed, but whether they liked it or not Henry needed to help him get up there.  Suzie wouldn’t be able to lift him without hurting him, and Impmon definitely couldn’t do it by himself.

“I know you don’t trust me.”  Henry put the plate on the bed and knelt to be closer to Impmon.  Maybe if he wasn’t lording over him he’d relax a little bit.  “You don’t have to trust me, but I need you to let me help you just for a few seconds.  Let me get you into bed, and then I’ll back off.”  He couldn’t promise how long he’d leave Impmon alone for, but it could be at least for a little.

Impmon glared harshly at him.  Henry was expecting a loud refusal, but Impmon just looked hesitant.  Henry kept quiet and just waited.  Finally Impmon seemed to droop slightly, though his glare was just as stern.  “You try anything and I’ll make you regret it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”  Henry said.  He slowly reached for Impmon, who had squeezed his eyes shut tight.  Maybe slow and steady wasn’t what he needed.  He just wanted to get things over with.  Henry sighed and quickly swept Impmon into his arms.  He deposited impmon on the bed before he really had the chance to freak out.

“There.”  Henry said.  He stepped back.  “Do whatever you want to get comfortable.  The food’s there, if you want it.”

Impmon was pointedly not looking at him, just glaring at the bedding instead.  He didn’t lay down or pull the blanket close to him.  He wasn’t going to let himself relax, and Henry didn’t know if it was because he was here or because Impmon just didn’t want to show any weakness even to himself.  Henry would back off and just hope that he eventually relaxed.  Ate something.  Laid back.  Anything.  If Impmon was still this stiff in ten minutes then Henry would have to try something new.

“Just take it easy.”  Henry said.  “You’re not going to get stronger if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“Stronger.”  Impmon scoffed and glared at the wall.  He wrapped his arms around himself.  “Right.”  It was hard to tell if his anger was directed at Henry or at himself.  Henry was too afraid to ask.

“Get better.”  Henry sighed.  He took Suzie’s hand.  “Come on, let’s let him rest.”

“But-”  Suzie started to object, and Henry didn’t let her start.

“No.”  Henry said sternly.  “You can check on Impmon later if he’s feeling up for it.”  And if Impmon didn’t make any indication of doing Suzie any harm.  Impmon may be behaving himself right now, mostly just acting a little grumpily, but Henry couldn’t forget that he’d attacked his dad.  He wasn’t going to give Impmon the chance to hurt anybody else in his family.  They left the room, and not for the first time Henry wondered just where the line was between helping Impmon and putting his family at risk.  He hoped he figured it out before somebody got hurt.

Chapter Text

Impmon didn’t need to be taken care of.  He didn’t want to be taken care of.  There was a window right there.  He should just climb out, sit on the roof until he got some energy back and everything stopped hurting, and just leave.  He fantasized about doing that, so why didn’t he?  Why did he just sit on Henry’s bed, glaring at the wall?

It wasn’t because of the snacks.  Sure, Impmon nibbled on some of it when he was feeling particularly bored, but he also threw some of it at the wall.  It tasted fine, and a part of him wanted to devour all of it, but his pride refused.  Henry wasn’t listening to anything he had to say, which meant that he needed to get his frustration across in another way.  Sure, he was just being petty and spiteful, but he’d never claimed that he wasn’t.  If Henry wasn’t expecting something like this then that kid was more stupid than he thought.

Impmon just didn’t understand how humans worked.  All of them were so dumb, but it was always in their own special way.  Some of them were so trusting that it bordered on idiotic.  A lot of them considered themselves, or at the very least their species, as the center of the universe.  Then there were the humans who were so scared of their own shadow that they had zero ambition and just never did anything.  No matter what flavor of stupid a human had it all disgusted Impmon and made him feel sick to his stomach.  He couldn’t stand them, and Henry was one of the worst.

He was cautious to the point of it being cowardly, but he was also so ‘nice’ that he invited a threat into his home and then left them unattended.  It was the worst of both worlds and infuriated Impmon to no end.  He wanted to yell at Henry and tell him to wise up before he got himself hurt.  Not that Impmon cared if the brat got hurt, because he didn’t, but this was just pathetic.

What made it all worse was that Henry was helping him.  Impmon didn’t feel like his data was going to deteriorate if he breathed in wrong.  Everything still hurt, but moving didn’t make it worse.  His pain felt like old aches that would be here for a while, but weren’t anywhere near as bad as they'd been just a few hours ago.  He felt cleaner than he could ever remember being.  He hadn’t really cared about being a bit messy and scruffy.  He wasn’t a pampered little digimon who was afraid to get his hands dirty.  But though he’d never admit it, having the dirt and grime wiped off made him feel brand new.

Of course, he still felt like a failure of a digimon whose very data and being was so corrupted that he could never be completely clean, but at least now nobody would know how useless he was just by looking at him.

Impmon felt really weird, like he was being pulled in multiple directions.  On the one hand, he wanted to wrap himself up in Henry’s blanket and protect himself from anybody who might want to hurt him again.  On the other hand, he wanted to hide out of shame.  He didn’t want anybody to see just how pathetic and weak he really was.  But then there were the parts of him that wanted to push away the blankets.  One part wanted to do so out of defiance, because he just didn’t want to admit to anybody, not even himself but especially not Henry and Terriermon, that he needed help.  Another part of him wanted to get away from the blanket because he didn’t deserve softness and comfort like this.  He wasn’t nice, or strong, or brave enough to be treated like this.

Impmon didn’t want to feel conflicted.  He didn’t want to be stuck in his own head at all.  He didn’t want to be around humans, but if they were good for nothing else they were always a pretty good distraction.

In an attempt to turn his brain off just for a bit, Impmon pushed himself to the edge of the bed and tried to ease himself off.  His legs were too weak for him to catch himself if he just slid off the bed, so he tried to use his arms to climb down.  It made his arms burn , and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to lift them for a while after this, but he was able to get himself to the ground in a relatively gentle way.  He landed on his feet, and while his legs shook they didn’t feel like they had pins and needles shooting through them.  He was able to walk out of the room to find something to distract himself.

He didn’t see Henry around, but he wasn’t going to go looking for him either.  He considered Henry to be the most boring of the so-called ‘Digimon Tamers’.  He was so self-righteous, and knew nothing about digimon culture, but talked like he knew everything.  Besides, he thought that Impmon was weak, and if he never saw the look of pity in that boy’s eyes again it would be too soon.

Impmon heard giggles and childish words from a little girl.  Suzie, she’d said her name was.  He wasn’t sure how he felt about her.  On the one hand, she was a little kid, and little kids were a pain.  On the other hand, her trusting nature wasn’t as infuriating as Henry’s.  It felt genuine from her.  She was just nice, even when Impmon knew his behavior didn’t deserve it.

He’d pranked a lot of little kids in his time, and in his experience they reacted in two different ways to him, or anything remotely new or frightening in their life.  A lot of kids screamed and cried in a way that was so piercing that it could almost be a weapon.  They were scared of him long before he did anything to deserve it.

But there were also a lot of kids who weren’t scared at all.  They would see a creature who could summon fire at will, a creature that those around them wouldn’t hesitate to call a demon, and they would just smile and say hello.  They looked at him and just saw a new friend.  Impmon didn’t know what to do with this kind of interaction, but he didn’t think he hated it.

Suzie hadn’t been afraid of him.  Neither had Ai and Mako.  Those kids had caught him sneaking into their house to steal a quick snack, and they had just beamed at him and asked if he wanted to come look at their new toys.

He hadn’t meant to stay there, just like he hadn’t meant to stay here.  Impmon hadn’t had the excuse of being injured back then.  He still didn’t know why he’d stuck with the kids for months.  He’d tried to leave them multiple times, but somehow he kept ending up back with Ai and Mako.  He just felt drawn to those kids.

It really hadn’t been that bad at first, which was what made it that much worse towards the end.  In the beginning the kids had just been happy to have a new friend.  And then that excitement became something they might get when they got a new toy, but he didn’t realize it until later.

They went from just wanting to eagerly show him around their house and tell him ‘fun’ stories about the most mundane things to wanting to play games with him.  The games themselves weren’t so bad, but it soon became clear that they didn’t want him to join them as a playmate, they wanted him to participate as a toy.  Or a prop.

He was just a way for them to get what they wanted.

Impmon had been a fool to fall for the tricks, and he couldn’t even blame them.  They were only four years old.  They weren’t even trying to trick him.  They were just being obnoxious little kids.  The fact that he got burned was solely on him.  He just hadn’t realized how hot the water had been getting until he was already cooked.

It had started small.  Both of the kids had wanted his attention, but neither of them had wanted to do what the other wanted to.  Impmon said they would take turns.  He would play with the dolls and action figures with Mako while Ai got things ready for her tea party, and then he would join her for that.  The problem was that Ai’s ‘tea’ was ready during the ‘best’ part of Mako’s game, and she hadn’t been happy when Impmon said he would join her in just a few minutes.  She calmed down when Impmon joined the tea party and let her dress him up in some silly outfit, but several minutes in Mako realized that her tea party was taking a lot longer than the prep for it had, and he’d been unhappy that she was getting more of her time.

Impmon hadn’t been able to stop their fight.  He knew they were fighting because of him, and he had no idea what he should have done differently to stop this mess from happening in the first place.  And the fights just kept happening more and more after that.

Ai and Mako didn’t always fight, but when they did it was loud.  And heartbreaking.  He always felt like it was tearing him apart.  The twins wanted him to fight for them, and as a digimon he was supposed to be strong and fight, but who was he supposed to fight against when the only enemies they had were each other?  He didn’t want to fight Ai or Mako.

Even now that he had run away and was doing his best to avoid them like the plague, no matter how much he still felt drawn to them, Impmon still didn’t want to fight them.  He couldn’t.

He shuddered, a sharp pain shooting through his arm.  He didn’t know if it was phantom pains from the final incident with Ai and Mako, an echo of a reminder of why he left, or if it was genuine pain from straining his arm earlier.  Either way it hurt a lot more emotionally than it did physically and he desperately needed a distraction.  He couldn’t think about his kids… not his kids.  They weren’t his.  He didn’t need them, and they certainly didn’t need him.

Impmon followed the sound of Suzie’s voice.  He didn’t want to hang out with a little kid, but it felt like these stupid feelings of his were tearing him apart and he just couldn’t get them to shut up.  He may not want company, but he needed it, and he didn’t think Suzie would hold it against him.

He went into the living room and saw Suzie sitting on the floor playing with Terriermon.  Impmon stood in the doorway for a long moment and just watched for a bit.  It looked like an innocent enough sight, but it was still an incredibly odd one.  Terriermon wasn’t really playing along with her.  He wasn’t joking around and being a pain.  He was completely limp as he just let Suzie move him around as she pleased.

Impmon just stared at the confusing sight for a long moment.  His brain felt kinda muddled and weird.  He couldn’t think.  Not really.  Terriermon made eye-contact with him from across the room, and Impmon couldn’t bring himself to look away.  There was a weird look in the other digimon’s eyes.  If Impmon didn’t know any better he would think it was pleading, but why would Terriermon ask him for anything?  Maybe he was silently asking Impmon to not interrupt the game.  Or he didn’t want him to let Suzie in on the fact that Terriermon was not, in fact, a doll.

Impmon just stood there for a long time having a bit of a staring contest with Terriermon, not being noticed by Suzie at all.  He probably would have been stuck like this for a while, but then Suzie did… something .  Honestly, Impmon didn’t know exactly what.  Every part of her playing with Terriermon felt the exact same, but something changed.  He saw Terriermon flinch and squeeze his eyes shut tight.  He bit his lip, probably to keep himself from making a sound.

Impmon felt his hackle’s rise.  He felt like he couldn’t breathe.  Terriermon was in pain.  Maybe he wasn’t in agony, but that wasn’t the point.  Suzie was hurting him, and she either didn’t notice or she didn’t care.

Impmon saw red.

He didn’t like Terriermon.  He had no interest in being friendly with him.  But in that moment he understood him.  Impmon knew what it was like to be in the hands of a small child who didn’t really know what they were doing.  A child who barely understood empathy.  They were so busy exploring the world around them that they didn’t stop to think about how their actions might be hurting those around them.

It wasn’t the kid’s fault.  Even when Impmon was at his most resentful he knew it wasn’t really their fault, but that didn’t make it okay.  The people around them were supposed to tell the child ‘no’.  They were supposed to teach the child and guide them so that they could know better.  Impmon hadn’t known what to do with Ai and Mako.  He didn’t know how to say no to them, and he didn’t understand why it had to be his job to do so.

Impmon still didn’t really know what he was doing, but he wasn’t going to just stand here and do nothing.  Not this time.  Terriermon was hurt, and Suzie didn’t seem to know any better.

He had been terrified of trying to teach Ai and Mako a lesson when he was with them, because what if he hurt them?  What if he hated them?  He wouldn’t have ever been able to forgive himself if he’d made them cry.  But Impmon didn’t care about Suzie’s opinion the way he cared about Ai’s and Mako’s.  He wasn’t terrified out of his mind of messing her up.  And if he did do this wrong, well, She had plenty of siblings around who could coddle her and fix his mistake.

Impmon felt a fire build up inside of him.  Not a burning fury, but a passionate spirit.  It was the same determination that he felt when he threw himself into a fight that he knew he wouldn’t win, but he wouldn’t let that stop him from trying.

He steeled his nerves and approached Suzie.  Terriermon narrowed his eyes and glared at him.  His silent warning was coming through loud and clear, but Impmon ignored it.  Suzie needed to learn, if not for Terriermon’s sake then for her own.

She looked up as Impmon came closer, giving him a bright smile.  “Oh, Impmon!  Do you want to play with us?”  He scowled.  No, he didn’t want to play.  He went right up close to Suzie.  “We’re playing-”  She trailed off with a shriek as Impmon curled a hand around one of her little pigtails and gave it a tug.  It wasn’t too hard of a pull.  He didn’t want to hurt her.  But she burst into tears anyway, her crying grating on his ears.  

Now, Impmon was familiar with kids crying.  He was definitely used to them crying because of him.  There was a difference between a kid crying because they were hurt, and them crying because they were startled and upset.  Suzie was definitely upset, but she wasn’t in pain.  It didn’t seem to make a difference to Terriermon.  The self-righteous twerp finally stopped playing dead, getting up just so he could harshly push Impmon away.  He glared at Impmon like he was an enemy, and he was getting ready for a fight.

Impmon smirked and tried to feel for his inner fire.  He didn’t summon his flames yet, and he didn’t know if he even could right now, but he wasn’t afraid to try.  Let Terriermon try something.  Impmon had been looking for a distraction, and a fight was just what he needed.  Maybe he’d lose, but if nothing else the physical pain would distract from the guilt and pains from the past that just wouldn’t stop haunting him.

Chapter Text

Terriermon knew that he was quick to violence. It was something he tried to work on, just because he knew it bothered Henry. But what his tamer didn't understand was that it was in a digimon’s nature to fight.  It was a core part of their instinct.  So when Terriermon saw Impmon pull on Suzie’s hair for no good reason he felt a familiar urge to fight and protect, and he didn't even think about pushing it down.

He knew that Impmon didn't like humans, and it would take a lot of patience on all of their parts to adjust to things, but this wasn't something that he could just let slide.

Impmon had been acting moody and ungrateful since he got here, and Terriermon thought they'd given him more than a fair chance.  If he thought he could get away with hurting a little girl he had another thing coming.

Terriermon didn't start a full on fight with Impmon, partially because he knew the other was still really weak and Henry had specifically asked him to go easy on him.  Mostly though Terriermon just didn't want to risk Suzie getting caught in the crossfire or damaging the Wong’s property.

So even though he was furious, and he thought Impmon deserved it, Terriermon pulled his punches.  He didn't use any actual attacks on Impmon.  He just shoved him away, kicking and clawing at him, maybe knocking him with his ears once or twice.  Nothing serious.  It wasn't his fault that Impmon was so weak right now, getting pushed to the ground from a simple hit.

And it definitely wasn't Terriermon’s fault that Impmon didn't stay down.  He pushed himself up again, giving Terriermon a sneer as he tried to summon his fire.

Tried.  He failed, and ended up having to resort to punches that he couldn't even land.  But Terriermon thought it was bad enough that he was trying to use an attack when Terriermon himself was specifically avoiding using them.  Impmon just wasn't playing fair, and Terriermon felt no guilt in knocking him down a few pegs.  He deserved it.

Impmon took in a strained breath and lunged forward to try to hit Terriermon, who dodged and wrapped an ear around Impmon’s arm.  He wanted to pull the other digimon down, because one of these times it was going to have to stick and he’d either stay down or faint.  Going for the legs would probably be more efficient, but Terriermon was feeling spiteful and petty.  He wanted to make Impmon hurt, and he’d noticed him favoring his arm.

The small tug shouldn’t have been too painful, but when Terriermon pulled, Impmon's eyes widened and he screamed.

What was going on?

In his shock Terriermon let go of Impmon, who just stood there, his arms wrapped around himself.  He was shaking.  It was possible that Terriermon had hurt him a lot more than he had meant to, but he didn’t think so.  This didn’t look like it was physical.  Impmon didn’t look hurt, he looked scared.   Horrified even.

Terriermon swallowed thickly.  Something had happened.  There was no way that Impmon was scared of him.  His gaze was distant, like he was seeing something that wasn’t really there.  What was he seeing?  Terriermon’s first thought was that brutal attack from Indramon, but he didn’t think the Deva had gone for his arm, or grabbed him, and Terriermon’s grip couldn’t have possibly been strong enough to remind Impmon of the way Indramon crushed him.

Terriermon was curious, but more than that he felt contrite.  He hadn’t meant to trigger anything.  This kind of damage wasn’t the result of the inherent need to fight that many digimon felt.  This was the result of cruelty, and Terriermon didn’t want to be cruel.

He took a step towards Impmon, reaching an arm out.  He didn’t know what he would say.  Did he want to apologize?  Offer comfort?  He didn’t really know, and he didn’t get the chance to find out.  Before he could touch Impmon he felt arms wrap around him and harshly pull him away.

“Leave him alone!”  Suzie squeezed Terriermon hard enough to push the air out of him.  He knew she wasn’t trying to hurt him.  She was just looking for comfort.  The way she buried her face in his fur made that clear.  “Stop scaring him!”

Terriermon’s stomach clenched, both with guilt and frustration.  He hadn’t meant to hurt Impmon…well, okay, maybe he did, but not like this.   But he was trying to protect Suzie.  Why was she acting like he was the bad guy here?

“He hurt you.”  Terriermon protested.  “He’s always picking on little kids and anybody he thinks is weaker than him.”  He glared at Impmon, who was still shaking and he wished he knew why.  He wanted to pull him out of his own head, but the only way Terriermon knew how to do that was by making Impmon mad.

Well, it wasn’t like he could make Impmon hate him more than he already did.

“Does it make you feel powerful?  Bullying others?”

Impmon blinked and hissed.  “I’m not a bully.”

“You coulda fooled me.”  Terriermon tried to wiggle out of Suzie’s grip, but she just tightened her grip.  “When was the last time you talked to a child without making them cry?”

Impmon’s arms were still wrapped around himself.  He was trembling more.  Terriermon nearly flinched.  Impmon was supposed to be getting angry.  He was supposed to be snapped out of his own head.  He wasn’t supposed to be getting more upset.

“S-shut up.”  Impmon said.  He sounded mad, but also a bit distraught.  What was wrong?  How was Terriermon supposed to fix this?

Whenever he was feeling uncertain about what he should do or say Terriermon would just do the first thing that came to his mind and speak his mind.  Henry was always getting at him for being reckless and tactless.  He knew he needed to do better, but he was confused, frustrated, and desperate to say anything that would pull a different reaction out of Impmon.

“You can’t help but hurt kids, can you?”  Terriermon sneered, feeling a bit better when Impmon matched his gaze, looking angrier than upset.  That was a step in the right direction.  Let him fight him.  “Maybe it’s a good thing you don’t have a human partner.  You’d only hurt any tamer who got stuck with you.”

His words were harsh.  He knew they were.  He knew he went too far, but he needed to pull that anger back.  He needed Impmon to fight, for their own good.  He didn’t want Impmon to end up back in the state that he’d found him in, where he barely had the will to keep his data from scattering.  But also, Terriermon was selfish and angry.  He was mad at Impmon, and he really wanted to punch him in the face for making Suzie cry.  If Impmon fought back, then Terriermon wouldn’t feel bad for hurting him.

But Impmon didn’t look mad.  He looked hurt.  More than that, he looked absolutely devastated.  That was not what Terriermon had meant to do.  He had just wanted…honestly, he didn’t really know what he wanted.  He wanted a fight, but not like this.  Never like this.

“I-I’m sorry.”  Terriermon stammered.  “I-”

But Impmon didn’t want to hear it. Let out a growl that sounded more like a whimper as he tried to run away.  He stumbled and almost fell more than once, but he was too proud and too desperate to let that stop him.  Impmon ran to the nearest door and fought with the handle for a long minute before he was able to open it.  He dashed inside, slamming the door closed behind him.

It was just lucky that the closest door led to the bathroom, and the window inside was too small for Impmon to climb out of.  Terriermon was sure if he had an escape route he would be gone.

He knew he needed to apologize, even if he didn’t know exactly what he needed to apologize for, but Suzie was still clinging to him, holding him back.

“S-Suzie.”  Terriermon choked out.  “Can you let me go?”

“No!”  She nearly screamed in his ear.  “You’re just going to be mean to Impmon again.”

“I’m not trying to be mean to him.”  Terriermon said, though he supposed that was part of the problem.  He didn’t know what had upset him so much, so he didn’t really know how to avoid repeating his mistake.  “Why are you defending him?  He hurt you.”

Suzie shook her head.  “It didn’t hurt.”

“He made you cry.”  Terriermon reminded her, as though she had forgotten.  “For no reason.”

“What if he did have a reason?”  Suzie asked.  Terriermon shook his head.

“There’s no good reason for attacking someone.”  Terriermon said.  Henry told him as much over and over again.

“But you attacked him. ”  Suzie pointed out.  Terriermon felt both defensive and sheepish.

“That’s different.”  Terriermon said.  “He hurt you.  Or, at least, he didn’t treat you nicely.”

“You said there’s no good reason.”  Suzie said with a pout.  How could such a young kid know so much and nothing at all.  

“It’s okay to fight if you’re protecting someone.”  Terriermon said.  He knew Henry had mixed feelings about it, and he’d probably be furious with Terriermon for telling Suzie this.

“What if Impmon was protecting someone?”  Suzie asked.  Terriermon shook his head before she even finished her question.  Who could Impmon have been protecting?  Yeah, he looked disgusted, and maybe a little scared, when he’d seen Suzie playing with Terriermon, but surely that was just because he didn’t understand how Terriermon could stoop so low as to let a little kid play with him like that.  He couldn’t have actually been trying to protect him or something.  Impmon didn’t even like him.  Why would he try to intervene when Terriermon was feeling just a little uncomfortable?  It didn’t make any sense.

“He was just acting out because he’s scared of letting anybody think he’s nice, because he knows he’s going to end up disappointing them.”  Terriermon said with a confidence that he didn’t really have.  He didn’t know Impmon enough to actually make such a claim about him.  Maybe Renamon would know.

Maybe she would know how to talk to Impmon without making everything worse.

Terriermon tried to squirm away from Suzie’s grip again.  “You gotta let me go.”

“No!”  Suzie said.

“I’m not going to hurt Impmon again.”  Terriermon said, because he knew that he really had hurt him, even if he hadn’t meant to.  “I want to make things right.  I’m not good at talking to Impmon, but I know someone who is.”

Suzie loosened her grip a little, but didn’t quite let him go.  “You’re not going to be mean anymore?  Promise?”

“Promise.”  Terriermon said.  She finally let him go.  Terriermon resisted the urge to run to the bathroom and demand answers or just start apologizing over and over again.  But that would accomplish nothing, and probably just lead to him messing things up again.

Terriermon was getting better at admitting when he wasn’t good enough at something, and this was definitely a skill he wasn’t suited for.

“I’m going to go get Renamon.”  Terriermon said.  “Just…don’t try to talk to Impmon while I’m gone.  I think he just needs alone time right now.”  And he also didn’t need to be given the opportunity to take his distress out on someone else.

Terriermon didn’t feel bad about leaving Suzie on her own.  Her mom was somewhere in the house, probably reading or taking a break before making dinner.  Her older siblings would be home soon, and Henry had just left to meet up with Takato and tell him they’d found Impmon, and he shouldn’t be gone long.  Terriermon would have gone with him, but they hadn’t wanted to leave Impmon unsupervised.

It probably would have been better if Terriermon had just left him alone.  He just hoped that Renamon would be easy enough to find.  That fox could be really sneaky when she wanted to be, and more often than not she definitely wanted to be.

She was definitely worried about Impmon though.  Maybe that’ll be enough to drag her out of hiding.

Chapter Text

Renamon had never intended to care about anybody.  Not other Digimon, and certainly not humans.  She had never been heartless or lacked empathy, but there was a specific way that the Digital World worked, and empathy and kindness weren’t priorities.  The world was harsh and cruel, with the very landscape and terrain often making survival a constant fight.  If one wanted to live then they needed to be strong and look out for themselves.  After all, looking out for your neighbors just meant that there were less resources for you.

The most valuable commodity in the Digital World was power.  If you were strong then you were able to defend what was yours.  All digimon, even babies, coveted strength and power.  That was why Renamon had been drawn to Rika in the first place.

It wasn’t common knowledge, but there were plenty of Digimon that knew that if they wanted to reach their highest potential they needed a human partner.  There was something about the humans that increased a digimon’s power-levels.  None of them understood exactly why, and a lot of digimon were too proud to believe that they needed that help at all, so it wasn’t something that many digimon pursued.

Renamon had always been proud, but her desire for power was stronger than her desire to do it on her own.  When she had found Rika, a child who was so much like her in so many ways, Renamon had felt drawn to her.  For so long she’d tried to convince herself that she’d only been interested in power.  It had taken her a long time to admit, even just to herself, that there was something else that drew her to Rika.  Something even stronger than power.  Her and Rika’s connection made Renamon feel stronger than she ever thought she could, and not in the way that she had thought she would either.  If someone had told her that she would come to value her friendships she would have scoffed and said that they were being overly sentimental and weak.

And she didn’t just care about Rika, the human that she felt an actual and tangible connection with.  She cared about the other human children and their partners.  In a way she cared about humanity as a whole.  And she cared about Impmon.

She’d been drawn to him at first because she thought he was fascinating in a way.

Impmon was hungry for strength and power, just like so many Digimon were, but he didn’t have the power to match his ambition.  He was all bark and no bite.  Renamon could think of many ways that he could make himself stronger, even in the human world without a partner, but Impmon never did any of it.  He spent his days wandering around causing mischief.  How could someone who cared so much about power be so blind to all the ways they could get stronger?

That was why Renamon had started following Impmon around, just because she wanted to understand him.  She had slowly started to care about him without really meaning to.  She considered him one of her closest friends now, and she couldn’t really say when exactly those feelings had developed.

Maybe it was when she had seen Impmon on the roof, staring at two small children as they played.  His body language showing a lot more vulnerability than Renamon could remember seeing in any digimon.  Maybe it was when she’d seen him playing with Calumon, still acting teasing and harsh, but not cruel.  He genuinely played with him.  It was sweet.

Renamon cared about Impmon, and it had been almost physically painful to see him get hurt by Indramon.  She still felt guilty for just standing to the side and watching him get hurt.  Pride was a powerful thing.  Impmon’s pride had always been battered and bruised, but he clung to it like it was the only thing he had.  That pride was the reason he had insisted he could fight the Deva in the first place.  If Renamon stepped in and saved him it would shatter not just his pride, but also his dignity, and she hadn’t wanted to hurt him in that way.

Perhaps she should have though, because Impmon had been missing ever since that fight and Renamon couldn’t shake the fear that he had been deleted.

She spent most of the following days searching for Impmon.  She only returned to Rika’s home to keep her partner from worrying about her, or thinking that she’d left again.  Though Rika hadn’t said as much Renamon knew that she didn’t like her going out and searching the city.  Every day that she returned with no news Rika would be equally disappointed that Impmon hadn’t been found, and relieved that they hadn’t learned that he was dead or deleted.  The conflicting emotions were a lot for a girl to take, but Rika never said a word of complaint.  She let Renamon go, and she always asked how it went at the end of the day.

Renamon really did have the best partner that she could ever hope for.

She planned on continuing to look for Impmon every day until she either found him or found a good reason to believe that she wasn’t going to find him.  Today had been another fruitless search, but there was always tomorrow.  Renamon went to check on Rika, only to find her tamer sitting in her room and talking to Terriermon.  They both looked somber, and Renamon knew something was wrong.

“What happened?”  Renamon appeared out of nowhere, shocking Terriermon.  Rika didn’t flinch at all.  Renamon still didn’t know if that was because Rika could sense her presence, or if she had just gotten so used to it by now that she couldn’t be surprised by it anymore.  Rika just turned to look at her.  The usual cold indifference in her eyes was missing.  Rika looked a little excited and very cautious.

“Terriermon found Impmon.”  Rika said.  There wasn’t a lot that could have thrown Renamon off, but that certainly could.

“Is he okay?”  Renamon asked.  She sounded far more desperate than she usually felt comfortable with, but she was concerned.  She couldn’t help it.

“He’s okay.”  Terriermon muttered.  Renamon wasn’t convinced, and she gave Terriermon a sharp look.  He shifted uncomfortably.  “Really, he’s okay…physically.”

“He’s hurt.”  Rika said.  “But Terriermon says he’s already doing better.”

“So what’s the problem?”  Renamon asked. 

“The problem is that he’s too stubborn to let me and Henry help him.”  Terriermon said.  “I tried, but I’m really not good at it.  Impmon gets on my nerves, and I get on his.  We push each other, and not in a good way.”  He was dancing around something, avoiding saying something more.  Renamon did not like this kind of nonsense.  She had been worried sick about Impmon ever since the fight.  If something was wrong, something that she could help with, then she needed to know.

Terriermon sighed and fidgeted with his ears.  “I-I think I said something wrong.  I didn’t try to, but I hurt him.  And I am not the right digimon to make things right.  He doesn’t like me, and I just know I’m going to mess up and chase him off again.”

“What did you say?”  Renamon asked.  Impmon had far thinner skin than he liked to pretend he did, but he was tough.  He wouldn’t hide himself away just because his feelings got hurt.

Terriermon gave her an apologetic look.  “I was mad at him.  He was picking on Suzie, and I called him out.  I called him a bully.  And I-”  Terriermon grimaced.  He didn’t feel shame about a lot.  Whatever he’d said he felt bad about, which meant that he felt that it was really bad.  “I said that it was probably a good thing he didn’t have a tamer after all, because he’d just bully them too.”

Renamon felt a chill.  She knew the truth about Impmon.  She knew he had a tamer.  She didn’t really know why he had left them.  That was Impmon’s business and his alone.  She believed that he did care about his tamer though, and was just afraid of admitting it.

To care so deeply about someone and be told that you would only ever hurt them, that would hurt anybody.  Especially when Impmon was probably in such a vulnerable state of mind after the fight.

Terriermon didn’t know exactly what he had said.  He couldn’t.  But that didn’t make Impmon’s pain any less real.

“Where is he?”  Renamon asked.  

“Henry’s home.”  Terriermon said.  “Probably still hiding in the bathroom.”  That was all the information she needed.  She didn’t waste any more time.  Renamon turned on her tail, slipping right back into the shadows.  She travelled quickly, moving unseen.  She’d never been to Henry’s home before, but she knew where it was.  She had learned where both Henry and Takato lived, as well as all of the other children that Rika had started to spend more time with.  They were all under her care, if in a distant way.

Renamon slid fluidly out of the shadows in the Wong residence.  She saw Henry sitting on the floor with his little sister, who was leaning against a door, crying and talking to someone inside.

“Is that Impmon?”  Renamon asked.  Henry looked up at her, standing up and pulling Suzie out of the way.

“Yeah, he’s in there.”  Henry said.

“No!”  Suzie screamed and kicked at her brother.  “Leave him alone!”

“I’m not here to hurt him.”  Renamon said as gently as she could.  She wasn’t in the habit of providing comfort, but she wanted to.  She really did.  She knelt on the ground and put a hand on Suzie’s head.  The girl sniffled and leaned in to her touch.  “Impmon is my friend.  I simply want to make sure that he’s okay.”

Suzie looked at her with wide, tear-filled eyes.  “Promise?”

“Promise.”  Renamon said.  Suzie stopped her squirming, giving Renamon access to the door.  It wasn’t locked.  Renamon didn’t know if it was because Impmon didn’t know how to lock doors, or if he couldn’t reach the handle, or if he simply hadn’t tried.  Whatever the case she was glad to have easier access.

She opened the door, stepping inside and closing it behind her.  The bathroom was small.  There was nowhere for Impmon to hide.  She immediately found him curled up in the tub, his legs drawn close to his chest and his head buried in his knees.

“Go away, Fox Face.”  Impmon didn’t even try to growl.  It came out as more of a whimper.

Renamon ignored his complaint.  She sat on the ground near the tub, still giving him his space.  “Terriermon was out of line.”  Renamon said.  “He didn’t mean it.”

Impmon scoffed.  “That doesn’t magically make what he said untrue.”

“You don’t honestly believe you bullied your tamer, do you?”  Renamon asked.  She wasn’t trying to sound condescending, but Impmon was already on edge.  He growled and threw a bar of soap at her.

“Shut up!”  He snapped.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You’re right.”  Renamon admitted.  “So tell me.”

“You…huh?”  Impmon blinked and just looked at her.

“Tell me about your tamer.”  Renamon said.  “What are they like?”  She didn’t think that making him talk about why he felt like a bully was a good idea.  Instead she would get him talking about his tamer.  Maybe help him to realize that he did care about them, and that he knew little facts about them that he wouldn’t take note of if he didn’t care.  If he wouldn’t listen to her then maybe he would listen to his own feelings.

Impmon swallowed thickly and looked away from her.  He didn’t say anything for a long minute, and she was starting to think that he wouldn’t answer when he spoke up.  “A-Ai is sweet.  She likes to color and play with her stuffed animals.  She gave them all really stupid names that I could never remember.”  A small smile crept onto his face, though it was strained and her eyes were still full of pain.

“She’s a kid that knows what she wants.”  Impmon said.  “I can respect that.  But she also doesn’t understand why things can’t always go her way.  Their parents never really said no to them, so I guess that was kinda my job.  Which just made me the bad guy every time we played.”

“That doesn’t make you a bully.”  Renamon said.  She knew children didn’t understand responsibility and sacrifices.  Not the way that the adults around them did.  “How old is Ai?”

“Four.”  Impmon said, and Renamon was stunned.  She didn’t have the best grasp of human ages, but she knew that four was a lot younger than Rika was.  From what Renamon understood, that was barely older than a baby.  She had seen parents in the park struggling with their children that age, and Impmon had just been thrown into it.

“It’s a tough age.”  Impmon muttered, and of course he would know.  “Old enough to know what they want, and not nearly old enough to realize the world doesn’t revolve around them.”  He turned away from Renamon, looking at the wall instead.  “I would have given anything for those kids, but it never would have been enough.  They would always need more than I could give them.”

Kids.  Them.  He was talking about multiple children.  Why?

“They?”  Renamon said pointedly, pushing for more information.    Impmon hunched his shoulders.

“Ai.”  Impmon said stiffly.  “And Mako.  Twins.  M-my tamers.”

Tamers.  Plural.

“You have two?”  Renamon couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice.  She’d never heard of such a thing.  Then again, digimon having human partners was a relatively new thing.

“Tch.”  She could practically see the way he raised his guard.  “I know what you’re thinking.  I would ruin one kid.  How is a wimp like me supposed to handle two of them?  Well, obviously I can’t.”

“That’s not what I believe.”  Renamon said honestly.  “I think you were overwhelmed by a situation that you weren’t ready for.  That doesn’t make you weak.”

Impmon let out a loud laugh.  “Then we have very different meanings of that word.”

“You know we don’t.”  Renamon said.  That was why she’d been drawn to Impmon in the first place, because they had very similar philosophies when it came to strength and power.  Impmon deflated as he recognized that she was right.

“Your other tamer, what’s he like?”  Rena asked, changing the topic before he closed himself off again.  

“Mako.”  Impmon said as he tapped the side of the tub.  “He’s fun.  He’s always running around and bouncing off the walls.  He’s so hard to keep up with.  He’s got the fighting spirit of a digimon, and he’s just a kid, you know.”  Impmon smiled.  “I can’t wait to see the kind of human he grows up to be.”  He suddenly stiffened, his smile slipping away as though he’d been hit with a jolt.  Impmon ducked his head, his horns drooping.  “I-I mean…”

“You miss them, don’t you?”  Renamon asked.

“I…what?  You…s-shut up.”  Impmon’s face went red.  “I don’t.  I don’t!”   Why would I miss those brats?  I’m glad I’m gone.”

“I missed Rika when I left her.”  Renamon said.  It wasn’t something she’d admitted to anybody else.  But she knew that Impmon could understand in a way the others couldn’t, and she thought he would find comfort knowing that she understood him.  “Have you thought about going back?”  

“Of course not!”  Impmon said defensively, making it clear that yes, he had.  Often.

“There’s no shame in wanting to go back.”  Renamon said.  “Nor is there shame in leaving again if you find that it’s too much.”  Renamon had come to learn that sometimes walking away and needing space didn’t mean fleeing from a battle.  It meant gathering oneself so they could be at their best to face the challenge.  Even if that challenge was just facing two four year olds.

Renamon had struggled to face her feelings.  She knew that Rika had a hard time with her mother.  The both of them had needed space, and then they had tried again, facing what they feared just a little bit at a time.  It was a journey, and it was difficult, but if Impmon was strong enough to fearlessly face Indramon then he was strong enough to face his feelings about his tamers.

Impmon was quiet and still.  “What if they don’t want me back?”  He asked almost inaudibly.  It was a fair question, and there was just one argument that she had.

“What if they do?”  Renamon asked.  Impmon curled in tight on himself.

“M-maybe I might wanna see them.”  Impmon admitted very reluctantly.  “ Maybe.   But I can’t.  Not yet.  I just…I can’t.”

“That’s your decision.”  Renamon said.  She knew she couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, and he would fight her every step of the way if she tried.  He didn’t need somebody to tell him how to live his life.  He just needed a friend, and Renamon could at least try to do that.

“If you ever decide to return to your tamers I would be honored to accompany you, if you want the support.”  Renamon hoped the offer didn’t come off as awkward as she felt.  She was still getting used to caring, let alone showing it.  Impmon’s snort made it clear that she sounded as awkward as she didn’t want to be.  It made him relax a little bit though, so maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that.”  Impmon said with a small laugh, but he sounded sincere.  It was a step in the right direction.

They didn’t talk a lot more after that.  They fell into silence.  It wasn’t uncomfortable or quiet.  Renamon thought that this might be the most natural and comfortable  had been between just the two of them.  There was a lot more that could, and probably should, be said.  Maybe it should be good for Impmon to talk about exactly why he had left his tamers.  Maybe Renamon should tell him that she’d missed him and had worried about him.  But there was no reason why they couldn’t talk about it later.

Impmon was here.  He was okay.  They could figure the rest out later.  They had time.

Chapter Text

Rika frowned slightly and crossed her arms.  She felt weird.  She didn’t want to admit that she felt awkward or uncomfortable.  Those were emotions she associated with weakness.  Vulnerability.  Things that she wasn’t supposed to show.  She was starting to realize that she didn’t have to have a thick skin all the time, but acknowledging that and actually accepting it were two very different things.

 And this wasn’t a situation where she should be uncomfortable.  They were just at the park.  She was watching Takato and Guilmon drag Henry into playing games with some other boys at their school.  They were all acting like such children.

…They were acting their age.  Sometimes she felt like she had forgotten how to do that.

She didn’t really want to be here.  Watching the boys play like it came so easily to them just felt like a slap in the face.  She felt like a failure for not knowing how to relax like that.  Rika was tempted to turn on her heels with a scoff and tell Henry and Takato to come find her when they were ready to talk about the Deva problem, like they’d come here to do in the first place.  There was one thing holding her back.

“I hate this thing.”  Impmon huffed.  Rika rolled her eyes.  She sat on the grass and gave the digimon an unimpressed look.  His stiff horns showed how uncomfortable he was, but he refused to look at her or admit it.  Apparently they had that in common.

Impmon had a simple crutch under his arm, leaning heavily on it to keep himself from falling.  He was doing better, but he wasn’t okay.  Rika hadn’t known that digimon might need time to recover.  Had Impmon really gotten that hurt?  When was he going to get better?

He refused to let himself rest.  Renamon had thought that some fresh air would be good for him, but how good could it be for him to insist on standing?

“If you hate the crutch that much you can sit down and stop using it.”  Rika said not for the first time.  Impmon’s eye twitched.  He tightened his grip on the crutch and straightened.  Henry had found or made the crutch for him or something.  Impmon hated the thing, but not as much as he hated admitting he needed a rest.

It was stupid.  And Rika knew it was something she would probably do herself if she was in his position.

“Nobody’s even watching.”  Rika said.  She spoke quietly and kept her voice gentle.  “Nobody will look down on you.”  But they would definitely look at him with pity if they saw the way that he insisted on torturing himself like this.  

Did Impmon prefer to be pitied than to be looked at like he was weak?  That was something Rika couldn’t relate to.  She would much sooner accept a loss than do anything that would make somebody look at her the way all of them, including her, had been looking at Impmon.

“I don’t care how any of you look at me.”  Impmon growled.  A clear lie.  She didn’t know who he thought he was fooling.  She didn’t think he was even fooling himself.

She didn’t understand Impmon.  It was a little painful to try.  But Renamon had asked her to keep an eye on him during this little outting.  Make sure he didn’t do anything to hurt himself or any of the others.  Renamon would probably happily take up this task, but she thought it would be good for Impmon to not rely so much on just her.  He needed other support.  Rika didn’t know how good of support she could be, but she didn’t want to fight with Renamon about this.  They’d just reunited, and they were doing good, but there was that little voice in the back of Rika’s head that told her that Renamon would leave her again if she wasn’t good enough.  So she stayed with Impmon.

It was awkward to just be sitting there, but it wasn’t long before they got some company.  Without any comments or explanation Jeri came to sit next to them.  Rika just watched Jeri as she sat on the grass, straightened her dress, and very pointedly didn’t look at either her or Impmon.

Rika didn’t know Jeri well.  She’d seen her around, same as Kazu and Kenta.  Those boys were louder than the girl was though, more used to making themselves heard, whether what they had to say was wanted or needed.  Those two always managed to force their way into the center of things.  Jeri had a tendency to linger back, watching from the sidelines.  A quiet but pretty constant observer.

Rika felt like she should say something, but she didn’t know what.  She was barely getting used to talking to the guys in a casual, friendly way.  Was talking to girls the same?  Did Jeri even want to talk to her?  Rika had only ever seen her hanging out with the guys.  Girls like that typically felt a bit uncomfortable talking to other girls.  At least, that was how Rika was.

“They’re all having so much fun.”  Jeri said, her voice full of longing.  Rika frowned and just watched the guys.  They just seemed to be chasing each other around.  It didn’t even seem like a game.  Rika didn’t see what the point was.  They really did look like they were having fun though, so maybe Rika was the one who was missing something.

Why don’t you play with them?  Rika couldn’t said, internally wincing at her tone.  It sounded like a dismissive scoff.  She wasn’t trying to be distant, but she was so used to brushing others off.  Jeri didn’t flinch, and her small smile didn’t shrink, but hershoulders hunched just a little bit.

“I’m not very good at that kind of game.”  Jeri drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees.  “It looks like it would be nice though, to have a digimon partner.  A friend who’s always there no matter what.”

Impmon scowled and clenched his fists in the grass.  Rika could see scorch marks left behind as he, intentionally or not, used his fire attack.

“Digimon aren’t toys or imaginary friends.”  Impmon growled.  “We don’t just sit around and twiddle our thumbs, waiting for some pathetic child to decide they want to play with us.”

Jeri looked alarmed and even a little frightened.  Rika frowned and glared at Impmon.

“She didn’t mean it like that and you know it.”  Rika snapped.  Impmon rolled his eyes, but he didn’t start up a fight agin.  At least there was that.  Giving him one last warning look Rika turned her attention back to Jeri.  “It is nice.  It can be hard sometimes though, to let someone in.”  It was what She and Renamon still struggled with.  For some reason these words were what made Jeri flinch.  She drew in on herself, almost like she was trying to hide.  Maybe Jeri also had a hard time opening herself up.  Rika felt like there was something she should talk to Jeri about, maybe give a little advice, but she didn’t know where to even start.  Instead she just turned and watched the boys again.  Why did it seem like everything came so easy to those guys?

The three of them sat in uncomfortable silence for several long minutes before Renamon appeared.  Just by looking at the way she was carrying herself Rika knew that something serious was going on.

“A digimon is nearby.”  Renamon said.  Her tone made it clear that she wasn’t talking about a friendly digimon.  It might be a threat.  Maybe even a Deva.  If it was a Deva it made sense why she wouldn’t just stay as much.  There was no reason to scare or anger Impmon.  He was in no shape to be anywhere near another Deva, and Rika just knew that he would kick up a fuss if he knew they were making that decision for him.

Which was why they just wouldn’t tell him.

Rika got to her feet and looked at her partner.  “Get the others.  I’ll be there in a second.”  Renamon nodded and dashed off.  Rika took a deep breath and turned to her companions.  Impmon was staring at her suspiciously.  He at least had an idea of what was going on.

“We’ll be back soon.”  Rika said.  “We’re just going to look into what’s going on.  You two stay here.”

“You’re not my tamer.  “Impmon scoffed.  You can’t tell me what to do.”

“I can, and I am.”  Rika said.  She was not in the mood to deal with his stubbornness.  If she had to play dirty so be it.  “I’m going to need Renamon at her best, and she won’t be able to focus if she’s too busy worrying about keeping an eye on you.  So, for her sake, stay here.”  If anything Impmon’s scowl deepened.

“That sounds like a her problem to me.”  Impmon sneered.  “Why would I care?”

“I don’t know, Impmon.”  Rika said.  “Why would you?”  Her response stunned him into silence.  That didn’t mean he would listen, but maybe it was a step in the right direction.  It would have to do.  She started to step away, only to stop and give him one more stern look.

“I don’t pretend to be an expert in digimon, but I know a thing or two.”  Rika said.  “And I know that it takes more energy to maintain higher forms of digivolution.”  That was why so many digimon remained in rookie or champion forms.

Impmon hissed at her like a cat would.  “If you’re telling me to let go and dedigivolve to Yaamon-”

“We already established that I can’t tell you to do anything.”  Rika said.  “But we both know you’d heal faster.”  That was why dedigivolution happened most of the time.  If a digimon reverted to a simpler form then their data could focus on repairing the damage, instead of focusing on keeping up appearances.

Ultimately though it wasn’t her choice, and if she was in Impmon’s position she wasn’t sure if she’d feel comfortable with taking on a weaker and smaller form, even just temporarily.  Especially when she was already feeling vulnerable.  This conversation was already making her feel uncomfortable, and she wasn’t even the weak one here.

Speaking of.

“Jeri.”  Rika said before walking away.  “A word?”  She then continued to leave, trusting that the other girl would follow.  She stopped when they were out of ear-shot, though could still see Impmon.

“Can you keep an eye on him for us while we take care of this?”  Rika asked tensely.  Jeri blinked and stammered over a response so much that Rika didn’t even know what she was trying to say.

“I don’t think he’s dangerous.”  Rika said as she carefully watched Impmon, who stared intensely back at her.  He had the potential to be a threat, even when injured, but she didn’t think he wanted to hurt anybody.  He might lash out if aggravated though.  “But if you don’t feel safe alone with him you can ask Kazu or Kenta for help.  I just don’t want Impmon to be alone right now.”  For a multitude of reasons.

Jeri’s stammering fell to silence very suddenly.  Confused and slightly concerned Rika looked at the other girl.  Jeri’s head was hung low and for a moment there was an alarmingly distant look in her eyes.  Before Rika could ask what was wrong Jeri smiled and lifted her head, looking as casual and comfortable as ever.  Maybe Rika had just imagined it.

“Don’t worry.”  Jeri said cheerfully.  “I’ll keep him company.”

Rika nodded her appreciation before running off to catch up with Renamon.  They had a job to do.

Chapter Text

Weak.  Weak.  Jeri was so weak.  Even Rika could see it, and Jeri barely knew her.  She tried so hard to act happy and cheerful.  She hadn’t been able to figure out how to actually feel that way, but if she acted like she was okay then everybody believed it, and then nobody wasted their time worrying about her.

She’d been doing so well.  Or, at least, she thought she had.  She didn’t feel like she’d been doing anything differently lately, but her friends had started looking at her like they knew something.  Not always, but sometimes, and that sometimes was still far too often.  And now someone who was little more than a stranger was talking to her like she was a little kid, reassuring her that if she didn’t ‘feel safe’ with Impmon, who was relatively harmless, then she shouldn’t be ashamed to ask for help.

Rika had asked her to do a very simple job, and she didn’t even think she could do that.  Jeri knew she wasn’t strong.  No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t manage it.  And now she was failing at even pretending.

She wanted to go home.  She wanted to hide behind her puppy puppet and never talk with anybody again.  But if she left then she’d just be confirming everybody’s suspicion and concern.  And then she would never be able to hang out with her friends, because they would know how weak she was.  They’d never look at her normally again, and she wouldn’t be able to take it.

Rika hadn’t asked that much of her.  Jeri just had to stay here with Impmon and make sure he didn’t hurt himself.  She could do that.  She had to.

Jeri returned to Impmon’s side and sat down next to him.  He was looking at her in a way that she wasn’t really familiar with, and she didn’t like it.  He wasn’t pitying her, and he wasn’t worried that she was about to fall apart.  She still felt like he could see right through the mask she tried so hard to maintain.  If he wasn’t pitying her, what exactly did he see?

She stared back at him, trying to read in him what he read in her.  She knew her eyes were unfocused and somewhat glazed over.  She could feel it, and she could do nothing to make it stop when she felt like this.

She knew that when she felt like this, when her eyes were unfocused, it made people concerned and uoncomfortable.  It made them think that something was wrong with her.  Something that needed to be fixed.

She already knew there was something wrong with her, but she didn’t think she could be fixed.  Trying just made things hurt more.

Impmon didn’t look unnerved or worried.  He just continued to stare at her.  “What’s your deal?”  He asked.  Jeri was confused for a long moment.  The words could mean the same thing as him saying there was something wrong with her, but it didn’t feel this same.  This was the kind of thing that she’d heard boys at school say to each other when one of them wasn’t acting like themselves.

But Impmon knew her even less than Rika did.  He didn’t know she wasn’t acting like herself.  He just thought she was acting weird.  But a normal kind of weird that everybody gets sometimes.  She thought she might be able to handle that.

“I’m fine.”  Jeri said instinctively, though she didn’t even try to smile.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to right now.

Impmon snorted.  “Kid, take it from someone who has been trying to use that excuse for forever, it’s not gonna work.”  He looked to the side, and now his eyes looked unfocused, like he was looking at something that wasn’t really there.  Was that what she looked like when she felt bad?  “No matter how much I say I’m fine, all anyone sees when they look at me is how pathetic I am.”

Jeri felt like she was listening to her own reflection.  Coming from Impmon’s mouth the words didn’t seem nearly as scary and agonizing, somehow.  They were just sad.

“I know how that feels.”  Jeri admitted for possibly the first time in her life.  She didn’t know why she said it, but it felt a little nice to put into words the weakness that she tried so hard to hide.  “I mean, nobody really says it.  But I can tell they’re thinking it.”

Impmon smirked.  A self-deprecating look that was oh-so relatable.  “Really makes your skin crawl, doesn’t it?”  Jeri nodded.

“I never know what people want from me.”  Jeri said quietly.  “But I’m too afraid to ask, because what if they don’t want anything from me at all?”  She would rather be pitied and wanted than just pushed away.

Impmon shuddered and looked away from her.  He looked shaky on his legs, but she knew he wouldn’t sit.  For some reason this was a line that he’d drawn for himself, and it would take a lot to get him to cross it.  Maybe someone else could talk him over it, but she didn’t think she could.  Even if she could, she wasn’t sure if she should.  Impmon related to her.  She related to him.  They didn’t know each other, but at the same time they did.  Jeri would ruin that if she pushed when she shouldn’t.

“Y-you don’t have a digimon partner, right?”  Impmon asked.  Jeri held back a flinch and just shook her head.

“N-no, I don’t.”  She said shakily.  She didn’t like the reminder, but she thought he was trying to open up to her, and he would close himself off if she gave him any reason to think that he’d done something wrong.  Or, at least, that was what Jeri would do.

“But you want a partner.”  Impmon said.  It wasn’t a question this time.  Tears came to Jeri’s eyes.  She clenched her hands into the fabric of her dress, willing herself to not cry.

“Yes.”  She whispered.  She did want a digimon partner.  Real bad.  She had thought she’d found one, but…but…

She had been useless.  It was a tamer’s job to help their partner fight with the modification cards and such.  Jeri had tried.  She’d tried so hard, but it hadn’t worked.  She’d failed, and she hadn’t done anything but just stand there and watch as Leomon struggled to fight.  He could have gotten seriously worse, all because she hadn’t been able to manage to do anything to help him.

She had thought she’d felt a connection to Leomon.  A bond.  Something that would grow into something beautiful and strong, just like Takato’s relationship with Guilmon.

And Leomon had just walked away after that, and she hadn’t seen him since.  If he could leave that easily, then he must not have felt anything for her.  At least, nothing more than pity.

He’d seen her as someone weak and small who just needed to be protected.  He was strong, like a guardian, so Jeri hadn’t minded it so much.  She wanted someone to protect her, after all.  Someone who could be strong for her when she couldn’t manage it, and who could show her how to be strong herself.  But clearly that was wishful thinking on her part.

“What…what do you want from a partner?”  Impmon asked.  His voice sounded a little vulnerable, and if Jeri wasn’t so busy feeling bad for herself she would probably look at him in concern and shock.  Maybe it was good that she didn’t.  Her lack of reaction might have made him feel unjudged.  “Like, if you had a digimon, what about them would make them a good partner?”

“He wouldn’t leave.”  Jeri said numbly.  She was talking to Impmon, but she felt like she wasn’t anymore.  She felt like she was just listening to her own mean thoughts, but they were just being said in a different voice this time.  She heard Impmon make a short pained sound, and then a louder pained sound.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw him lose his balance and tumble to the ground.  She knew she should care, and probably check that he was okay, but she felt stuck.  She felt like nothing mattered except for the fact that she was alone.

“I can’t blame him for leaving though.”  Jeri said.  That much was clear.  “I pushed him away.  Of course he left.  Everybody leaves.  I make them leave.”

“Maybe…maybe he left because he thought he wasn’t strong enough.”  Impmon said.  That jerked Jeri out of her spiraling.  She whipped her head around and glared at him.

“Leomon is the strongest digimon ever.”  Jeri snapped.

Impmon struggled to push himself onto his arms, only for them to give out under him.  He groaned and just tried to make himself more comfortable on the grass, trying to look like he was choosing to lay there instead of falling.  

“It don’t matter how strong a digimon is.”  Impmon said.  Having a little kid thrown at you just…it makes you feel like you’re the weakest digimon in the world.”

“I’m not a little kid.”  Jeri pouted.  She hadn’t felt like a little kid since her mother had died.  But she didn’t feel grown-up either.  There had to be a lot of middle ground, but the way that people talked about it she felt like there wasn’t.  You were either a baby who couldn’t do anything, or you were a grown up who could do everything.  Because Jeri didn’t fit into either group she just felt like she was failing at being human at all.

“Yeah, you are.”  Impmon said.  “All of you are little kids, and you’d have a lot more fun if you acted like it sometimes.”

“I do too act like a little kid.”  Jeri said.  Impmon snorted, and it took Jeri a long moment to realize what he’d made her say.  “Hey!”

“You make it too easy.”  Impmon smirked at her.  He then sighed and looked away again.  He rolled over so he was laying on his back, arms spread out as he looked up to the sky.  “Look, digimon aren’t really used to dealing with kids.  Only a handful of us actually take care of the baby digimon.  It’s so hard to know what to do with you guys.  Like, if something’s wrong, is it just a normal human thing?  Is it a normal kid thing?  Or is it not normal at all, and we should get some serious help?  We don’t know.  And it’s a lot to try to figure out all at once.  Some digimon don’t know how to handle all of it.  Maybe…maybe that’s why he left.”

Jeri blinked.  “Because he was overwhelmed?”  Leomon was so big, and brave, and strong.  Had she really scared him away with her crying and neediness?  That didn’t really make her feel better.”

“Or maybe he just felt like he wasn’t good enough to give you what you need from a partner.”  Impmon said.

“That’s silly.”  Jeri wrapped her arms around herself.  “I just wanted him to be there.”  A friend that she could trust to not leave, no matter what.  That was what she had spent years refusing to hope for.  But she couldn’t deny it anymore.  She wanted it.  She wanted it so badly.

Impmon made that pained sound again.  Jeri looked at him.  He looked like he was about to start crying.  But was he hurt?  Or was he sad?

“We aren’t used to having friends.”  Impmon said quietly.  Not the way that humans are.  If we get close to anybody, they’re usually more allies than friends.  Digimon who live in packs are kinda looked down on by a lot of us.”

Jeri grimaced.  “That sounds lonely.”  She isolated herself from people, but at least she was still with them.  And she was jealous of people who could actually be with each other without walking on eggshells all the time.

“I didn’t think it was.”  Impmon said.  “Until I came here and got a taste of what I’d been missing.”  He closed his eyes shut tight.  “But getting close to people hurts.”

“Yes.”  Jeri sighed.  “Yes, it does.”  The two of them sat quietly for a long minute.  Finally Jeri took a deep breath and scooted closer to Impmon.  She nudged him until he looked at her, and then offered her hand out to him.  He glared at her, but took her hand.  She pulled him to a sitting position, but when he didn’t make any move to stand up again she didn’t push it.

It seemed he had decided that being seen sitting was not nearly as humiliating as being seen sprawled on the ground.

“The others said you didn’t want a partner.”  Jeri said.  “But if you had a tamer, what would you want from them?”  Impmon didn’t answer for a really long time, and she was starting to think that he was just ignoring her, and the only reason he hadn’t gotten up and walked away was because he was too hurt to do so.

“I…want them to want me.”  Impmon eventually said, though it was so quiet that she could barely hear.  “Not because of what I can do for them, but because I’m me.”  And Jeri realized that, in a way, she wanted the same thing.  If she had been able to be useful to Leomon, maybe he would have stayed, but would it have felt right?  Jeri would have spent so much time worrying about when he would decide that she just wasn’t worth it.  She could barely even imagine any kind of relationship where she didn’t have those fears at all.

Jeri wiped some stray tears from her eyes.  “You know, I’ve always felt like I was broken.  Everybody else is just able to do everything so easily, and I just can’t.  I-I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone like me.”

Impmon eyed her.  “You callin’ me broken?”

Jeri’s eyes widened.  “No!  No, of course not, I just…I mean, I just meant-”  She cut herself off when Impmon laughed loudly and playful kicked her leg.

“I’m messin’ with you.”  Impmon snorted.  “A’course I’m broken.  Just don’t you go telling nobody.  I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

Jeri giggled.  “I don’t think your reputation is what you want it to be.”  She said.  Impmon made an offended sound, but it sounded playful.  Maybe he was okay with joking with her about being broken, because he was broken too.  Or at least he felt like he was.

Impmon gave her a small smile, and she felt like this was the first time she’d seen him look so genuine.  “Look, I’ve already got a surplus of tamers.  But for the record, I probably wouldn’t hate being your partner that much.”

“I think somebody would be lucky to have you as a partner.”  Jeri said.  Impmon’s face went red, and Jeri giggled again.  For someone who tried just as hard as she did to hide weakness, Impmon sure wore his heart on his sleeve.

Jeri sat on the ground next to him again, and the two of them just sat side-by-side and watched the boys do whatever it was that the boys were doing.  It looked like Kenta and Kazu were just talking right now, since Takato and Guilmon had left to deal with the latest digimon emergency.  They even made talking look really easy.  Jeri could never.  Although, she felt like she might have gotten a little close with Impmon.

Talking hadn’t fixed anything.  Impmon was still hurt.  Jeri still missed Leomon.  But at least both of them felt like they weren’t completely alone anymore, and that helped more than Jeri knew how to explain.

Jeri didn’t mention the possibility that maybe Impmon’s tamer actually did want him for him.  He didn’t tell her that Leomon might come back.  Neither of them needed to say anything else.  They just sat there, somehow finding strength from someone just as weak as they were.