Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

At the Piccadilly station I felt my heartbeat racing

I was accident prone, I fell head over heels with no warning

I wish that I told you then what I realize now

It wasn’t long since our band had been found and it had been the first day of recording songs in London.

We stood at the Piccadilly Station and waited for the tube to take us back to the hotel when the wind of the incoming train ripped the map he was studying out of his hand. “No!”, he screamed and jumped high to try and catch it again with no success.

“Shit”, Adam swore and the other boys laughed hard. I didn’t. I just felt my heartbeat racing, looking at this beautiful dork. I was accident prone, I fell head over heels with no warning and stared at him like he was an angel trying to fly and not an unhandy guy with a talent in loosing things.

He’d looked so perfect, hair tousled by the wind in the tube station, cheeks red because of the jumping and then laughing with his friends over his own foolishness.

I picture this moment when I’m standing in the backstage now, looking at him searching for some sheets of music. Tonight’s our first show as the duo Hurts, after we cut off with the other boys. ‘Back then it might have been easy’, I think. ‘I wish that I told him then what I realize now. Maybe back then we could have become a couple. Could have form a relationship and no one would have had a problem with it. We were just two boys of a whole band, two boys from Manchester.’

Chapter Text

It gets harder to love you, harder to hide what I'm feeling

But only you can make it better

Nothing will be bigger than us

Theo hated it. Every time another tour began he started to feel miserable and it got worth with every tour. When they were at home he didn’t have to see Adam every day, even if they did a new album. He had enough time for himself, could say that he visited friends or anything to get away. In the tour bus he hadn’t this possibility. He couldn’t just run away and hide until his freaking heart would calm.

Adam was his best friend and best friends should spend time together, shouldn’t they? They should laugh and have a great time together. But since Theo finally admitted his feelings for his best friend to himself it got harder to love him, harder to hide what he was feeling.

Theo began to work on solutions some time ago. What he could do, to make it easier for himself, but only he could make it better. Adam in his arms was the only solution he could think of to satisfy his drooling heart. And he was sure there wouldn’t be anything more fulfilling, more satisfying than being together with his friend. Nothing would be bigger than them.

He greeted everyone when he reached the tour bus, smiling a false smile. When Adam hugged him close he felt his heartbeat speeding up and he could just hope, that he wouldn’t hear it. A terrible time would start now. Terrible weeks of him playing friendship with Adam when in truth he loved him so much.

Chapter Text

You're the one I want at my side tonight

You're the one that I want to see

You're the one for me

When we part after the party I want to scream it to you: ‘You’re the one I want at my side tonight!’ But I can’t. I just stand there and watch you turning around and going back to your room with one of the girls. The other one pulls at my arm and makes me look at her. I kiss her and take her to my own room.

It’s not very ceremonial when I tear her clothes away and she bumps to her knees, pressing me back into the wall. She swallows me with one single gulp and I gasp. I wrap my fingers in her hair and push her down again and again. I come closer and closer and finally stare down at her.

And it’s wrong. It should be you. You’re the one that I want to see in front of me on your knees. It’s your lips I want to feel around my waiting cock and your hands I want to feel on my hips.

The girl notices that I stopped in my movements and looks up at me, asking a silent question. I shake my head. “Sorry”, I tell her and she pulls away. “S’Okay”, she says. “I saw how you stared at him all night long.” She gets dressed quickly and leaves.

I lay down in the bed and stare at the ceiling. I’m sorry for the girl, but I can’t change my feelings. You’re the one for me, but I’m afraid you’ll never know.

Chapter Text

In a backstreet bar on the champs elysees

We were in the wrong place

But it was perfect timing

They sat in a backstreet bar on the Champs Elysees, already some glasses on their table, when one of Theo’s favorite songs began to play. “Oh my - let’s dance!”, he shouted drunkenly and slid to the dancefloor. When he saw that Adam wouldn’t come, he came back and pulled on his arm. “Come on you lazy old man.”

With a sigh Adam let himself be pulled to the little dancefloor. It was crowded and the air was hot and sweaty. Theo began to dance and it didn’t take long until some girls were around him. Adam chuckled and moved his body to the beat, too.

After some faster songs the DJ chose some slower ones and with them he played ‘Wonderful Life’. “He’s playing our song”, Theo cheered and turned around to meet his friends gaze. Adam had realized it, too and when their gazes met, something happened.

Some people would call it ‘something big’, ‘something meaningful’, ‘something that could change their lives’.

They stared at each other over the people who parted them. Their gazes locked and both hold back a gasp. ‘How could it be, I never saw’, Adam thought and Theo thought: ‘Why don’t I just tell him?’

Theo studied Adams face. How would he react? Was it possible he could think the same? Did he think it right now?

The moment was broken by the other party-people demanding their attention back and both men thought: ‘We’re in the wrong place. But it was perfect timing.’

Chapter Text

I just wanna hold you close

Rent me your body

I'll pay with my soul

“I just wanna hold you close”, Adam whispers in his drunken state and pulls Theo so fast to him, that he can’t help but crushes into his friend. “You’re drunk”, he protests and tries to push Adam away.

“Yes I am and you know what?”

“What?”

“I wanna fuck you, Theo. Nice and hard and all of your moans just for me.”

Theo can’t hide what these words do to him. His cock is aching hard and he stares at Adam wide eyed.

“Rent me your body”, he groans and crashes their mouths together. Theo doesn’t know what to do. Yes, it’s all he ever dreamed of, but not this way! He turns his head away. “Stop it Adam. You’ll just regret it in the morning.”

“Maybe, but you can’t tell me you don’t want it, too.” With an amazing speed for someone who’s drunk he grabs Theo’s hard-on. “So come on my little demon. I’ll pay you with my soul.” Adam is alluding to the film they’d seen in cinema some days ago, but it also means oh so much to Theo and Adam would never know.

‘It’s my only chance’, he thinks sadly and let’s himself sigh. “All right”, he says and Adam smiles. “I just hope YOU won’t regret it in the morning.” Theo hasn’t much time to think about it, because Adam is already attacking him again. Could there be more weight in this than just drunkenness? ‘Doesn’t matter’, Theo decides. Tonight it is just sex.

Chapter Text

If this is love, then why does it hurt so bad?

If this is over, then why do I want you back?

So tell me that it's worth it cause I'm going crazy here

He awoke the next morning staring at Adams face lying next to his. Appalled he sat up, when he remembered last night. What should he do? How should he react? Maybe he should just go. Maybe Adam wouldn’t even remember?

Theo got up and went to the bathroom. When he got back to the room his friend was still asleep. He picked up his things from the floor and got dressed. Before he left, he let his gaze rest on Adam. ‘How could I let this happen?’, he asked himself silently. ‘How could I ever fell in love with him? And if this is love, then why does it hurt so bad? I got what I want, didn’t I?’ He left the room faster than necessary.

…………………………..

Adam heard the shower when he awoke. “Fuck”, he muttered when he remembered last night. When Theo came back into the room he pretended to be still asleep and he let out a sigh when Theo finally left. ‘It was just one night. I was drunk. Theo would take it as this, wouldn’t he? But if this was just a one-night-stand, if this is over, then why do I want him back?’

He finally got up and went to the bathroom, too. What was this strange feeling growing in his heart? He stood in front of the mirror and stared enquiring at himself. “So tell me”, he said to his reflection. “Tell me that it was worth it cause I’m going crazy here.”

Chapter Text

And she won't apologize

For the cheating and the lies

But she can't stand being this way

Theo knew what would happen. He would act like nothing had happened and he won’t apologize.

He’d run away, slamming the door behind him, when Theo could just stand there, panting heavily and trying to stop his mind from spinning. Adam had hit him right in the face, after he’d tried to kiss him. It had all seemed so right. Adam had been the one who wanted them to kiss. He’d been the one who looked at Theo with eyes so full of… love? At least Theo had thought it had been love. But obviously he had been wrong.

………………………….

After he’d run into his room, Adam had broken down. Hands pressed over his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up. He never had wanted to hurt Theo, but he’d just hit him hard in the face.

It had been unexpected. He didn’t knew how to react. And so it just had happened. And Theo would never ever try again, would he? Adam had never had thoughts about suicide, but right now this thought wasn’t so far away.

His best friend would never forgive him, because he could never tell him the truth. He could never apologize for the cheating and the lies. He was frightened. Frightened of his own strange feelings. Feelings for his best friend. Feelings, that shouldn’t be there.

And that’s why he’d been so angry and aggressive lately. But he couldn’t stand being this way, because he couldn’t stand his own feelings.

Chapter Text

With every joy that you display

A little piece of me just fades away

Don't let me down, don't let me go

For how many years does he love him? ‘Always’, is the only answer he can think of, when he looks at his friend. And with every day it gets harder to stand the urge to tell him, to destroy everything they’d built.

Of course they slept together. Drunken one-night-stands, hurried hand jobs. But it had never been true. Never been something more than simple sex.

Adam is flirting with a girl of the staff and it’s too clear where this’ll lead. ‘With every joy that you display, a little piece of me just fades away’, Theo thinks depressed.

………………………..

The girl is a nice one. She has a beautiful laugh and doesn’t treat him like he’s a big star. It’s easy to talk to her. But something is missing and he is afraid he knows exactly what it is. Every now and then he lets his gaze wander through the giant hall, until he finally sees him. Theo is sitting on a box, searching through some papers, trying to look busy. Adam knows him too well. ‘He’s deep in thought’, he thinks. ‘And he’s so damn beautiful.’ As if Theo could read his mind he looks up from the papers and straight into his eyes.

Suddenly the girls is close to his ear. “Let’s go”, she whispers and pulls him to the exit. He follows but shortly looks back to him, tries to tell him: ‘Don’t let me down, don’t let me go’, but he just sits there, simply watching.

Chapter Text

When she passed by, I didn't ask for nothing

Except her time and that was good enough for me

To serve and protect my love

I emptied the drink in one big gulp. The liquid burned down my throat. I felt numb, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol or the fact that I would never have him.

When he’d disappeared into his space in the tour bus earlier, pulling the girl after him, I’d felt my heart shatter and I fled. If I’d had to stay just one minute longer, I’d go crazy. I’d told them I’d go have a drink and now I was standing in a little club, somewhere in a dubious area.

The alcohol had already clouded my mind and my normally perfect styled hair hang loose into my face, when she passed by. I gripped her hand. “Uh, honey”, she groaned in her husky and also very drunken voice and pressed her body up against mine. Her perfect nails scratched my arms. “You looking for some fun time?”

I nodded and she took my hand, leading me to the back of the club. We passed a hall and stopped in front of a pink door. “You know, what I am, don’t you?”, she asked seriously. I nodded, not able to speak against the lump in my throat.

She looked at me, suddenly concerned. “Are you trying to forget someone?” And I nodded again. “I can do that”, she whispered and let us in. I didn’t ask for nothing, except her time and that was good enough for me to serve and protect my love for him.

Chapter Text

I knew it right from the start

Let's spend this night together

Let me make you mine

I knew it right from the start. Since the first day I saw him, I knew that we belonged together. One way or another.

He slumped down on the hotel-bed next to me. “Man, what a show”, he cheered and smiled happily. I couldn’t help but smile, too. “Yeah”, I replied. “Wasn’t bad.”

“Wasn’t bad? Where were you, Theo? It was awesome. You were awesome.” He said it with such lightness in his voice, but suddenly realized the meaning in it. “I mean, um… You know…”

I felt like teasing and so I did. “No I don’t”, I grinned at him.

“I mean…”, he started again. “You, um, you’re always great and…” I saw his trouble. “You, too”, I said to help him out of his misery.

“No, you don’t get it”, he grumbled. My heart skipped a beat. “I… you mean…”

Adam nodded. “I’m sorry, Theo.”

“No, don’t be”, I said hastily and grabbed his cheek. “Let’s, um… let’s spend this night together, ok?”

He stared at me with eyes big like saucers. “You mean you… you… let me make you mine? You mean you feel the same?” He sounded so unsure, afraid of my answer. Didn’t I show him enough, that he meant the world to me? That I loved him ever since we met?

“Yes, Adam. Make me yours.” He still stared. “Fuck it man, come on now. What are you waiting for?”

He finally reacted to my words and then a very first true kiss happened.

Chapter Text

There was only ever you and me

And there was only ever history

Holding us back, holding us back

He rolls Theo to his back, kissing a burning line down his neck. “Fuck”, he mutters through the kisses. “What do you mean?”, Theo asks huskily between gasps, impatiently fumbling with Adams pants. “There was only ever you and me and I have always been too blind to see that”, he moans into his collarbone.

“And there was only ever history”, Theo adds, “holding us back.”

“Holding us back”, Adam echoes. “But not any longer.” Hungrily he kisses his former best friend and rips off his clothes. Their skin is hot, when their bodies crash together again.

Theo arches his body up, so every inch of them can touch and he grips both of their cocks, lining them up between them. Slowly he starts to stroke them. Adam gasps and after a moment he moans: “Theo, stop!”

“Why? Isn’t it okay?” He sounds unsure, nearly broken, but stops in his movements immediately. Now that it’d seem like they both were sure about their feelings, it hurts more than he expected.

“No… I mean yes? I mean…” Adam is totally overstrained. “I… If you keep on doing this, I’ll come before we even get started…”, he finally gets out and Theo does something he hadn’t expected. He laughs. Long and full heartedly. “Theo!”, Adam protests but starts to chuckle, too.

“You know what?”, Theo finally asks, when he caught his breath again, holding Adam close. “That’s why I love you” and he catches Adams mouth again, crushing their lips hard together.

Chapter Text

Say you'll catch me when I fall

Wrap your wings around my body

When I'm lost in the storm

The light of the early morning sun glittered through the curtains and every now and then with their movements light fell on Theo’s hair. He was still asleep and Adam didn’t want to wake him, but couldn’t resist and combed through the mess which built his hair.

Theo groaned sleepily and tried to push Adam’s hand away. Adam chuckled and pressed a light kiss to his temple.

His friend seemed to like that because a deep, relaxed sound escaped him. “Good Morning, my love”, Adam whispered and suddenly Theo’s eyes flew open and he stared like a deer caught by a spot light. Adam felt how his muscles tensed and that alarmed him, too.

“Is everything okay?”, he asked concerned. After another moment Theo turned, so he could face Adam completely and with the sight of him his muscles relaxed again.

“You’re there”, he said, voice still husky and Adam could clearly hear the relief in it.

“Of course I am. Where else should I be?”

“Don’t know”, Theo murmured. He looked into Adam’s eyes, his gaze full of emotions: Wonder, happiness, incredulity. “I can’t believe that this is really happening”, he suddenly said.

“Me, too”, Adam replied and then he started to sing, bad voice and all: “Say you’ll catch me, when I fall, wrap your wings around my body. When I’m lost in the storm…”

He couldn’t continue, because Theo was pressing a soft kiss to his lips and hugged him close, like he’d never let him go.

Chapter Text

Surrender, Surrender

Give me that faith

I do believe

‘Surrender’, the voice in my head is whispering. ‘Just believe him and surrender!’

I stare at him uncertain. His arm still sprawled out, the ring is glittering in the bright sunlight. With every second that I don’t answer the smile on his face fades away a bit more.

Damn heart of mine! Couldn’t it just give me that faith? He’s standing right in front of me, holding out a ring and asking me to marry him and I’m still unsure about… What? Everything? About him loving me? About the reaction of our family and friends? About the reaction of the fans? About his reaction because of theirs?

When I still don’t answer Adam takes his arm down. “Fuck”, he mutters. “This was too early, wasn’t it? I’m sorry, Theo.” The light in his eyes seems to fade.

“No!” I nearly scream und Adam looks up at me again. I could have said anything - he’d always look back up at me. Would come back to me. Would never let me go, would he? I do believe him. Believe in his love. In the truth behind it.

“I love you”, I blurt out. “And don’t you dare go away with that ring.” The smile comes back to his face and encroaches on mine, too. I snatch the ring from his hand and put it on my finger. “Looks nice”, I comment, turning my hand in the sunlight.

“So that’s a yes?” Now it’s Adam who sounds unsure. “What do you think?”