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Chapter Text

          “Take deep breaths and concentrate on something pleasant.” That is what I am supposed to do when I feel anxious. I suppose it would work if thoughts didn’t keep flooding into my mind constantly.

          The bar at Portland International Airport seemed friendly enough, but I was having trouble concentrating enough to lift my drink to my lips. Deep breathing didn’t help.

          I pulled a flyer out of my bag and read it

Blackwell Academy

Arcadia Bay, Oregon.

Grand Reopening

Special guest: Maxine Caulfield

Artist in residence, Caledon University.

I squirmed. Arcadia Bay was the last place I wanted to be. I remembered the choice I made that destroyed a town. Would have been better to visit my mom and dad in Seattle instead. But after I finished my drink, I headed towards the car rental agency.

 Blackrock contacted me and asked me to be a part of their reopening celebration. I could have easily told them that too much was going on at Caledon to take time off, only there were things that happened  there I needed time away from, and maybe there was some other reason I accepted the request.

Ok, no matter what happens I will not use any powers. I am an artist, and I am only here to please Ms. Grant, the new principal.

My stomach tightened as I passed the sign. “Another Great Day in Arcadia Bay.” The original sign survived the storm. They replaced it with a new aluminum sign. Wanna bet the old sign lasted longer than the new one will? I know a survivor when I see one.

          I found myself in front of Blackwell Academy, all shiny and new, none of it using Prescott money. There was a Crisis Counseling service next to the school. I wish it had been there for  Kate when she needed it.  On the other side of campus was the hotel where I had reservations.

“Wowsers,” I said. It looked as if nothing ever happened to Arcadia Bay.

          I checked in and went to my room. Everything was being paid by Blackwell. The event would be tomorrow night, but the room is paid up for 5 days. That will give me time to see what Arcadia Bay had become.

          I was about to do some work for tomorrow night when the phone rang. It was Amanda.

          “Hey Caulfield, did you make it to where you were going?”

          “Yes, you would love it here. Blackwell is paying for all my expenses.”

          “Freeloading huh? Nice work if you can get it.”

          “I am not freeloading. Some of my photographs will be on display. You know I am not comfortable on stage.”

          “Don’t give me that. You know you want your photos to be seen by the world. Max, you are just a closet extrovert.”

          “Am not.”

          “Am so.”

          “Am not.”

          “Then why are you there?”

          Amanda. What a sweet, and sassy girl. I could care about her, but she has some issues. So do I. Too many things happened. We’re sort of on hold.   

The other night I watched X-Men 3, the one where Rogue takes The Cure so she could safely hold a boy without harming him. I wish I could get rid of my powers. Maybe I could have saved Chloe without them, no storm, Joyce and the others still alive.

I went to Caledon to get away from everything, but it keeps following me around. Here I am, back where it all started. The Miranda Inn had an excellent restaurant menu.  The eggs and bacon looked delicious, but I chose hotcakes instead.

          I had a nightmare last night. The nightmares had started to settle down since arriving at Caledon. It was an excellent opportunity to develop my own artistic style while being in contact with the art community. This was a new one.

          No waking up screaming, but I was crying. It wasn’t finding myself in the Darkroom with Jefferson, nor was it watching Arcadia Bay being reduced to rubble by the storm I caused. It was Chloe kissing me and telling me she loved me. And having to wake up to the reality we were no longer together.

          I looked at the main entrance to Blackwell. It looked different from the way it did 10 years ago, but not enough. For a second I imagined I was walking into the mouth of a dragon. Let’s see, a close shot of the door, upward angle from ground level to make it look huge and menacing.

          Ms. Grant welcomed me into her office.

          “Max, good to see you again. You were one of my best students. I am so sorry about all the bad experiences you had. However, it seems you are in a good position at Caledon.”

          Max, we received your photos and followed your instructions. Everything is set up for tonight.”

          “Thank you. I am glad you survived the storm.”

          “We have a shelter in the basement. Most of the students and faculty that were on campus weren’t seriously harmed.”

          “How did Arcadia Bay get the money to rebuild?”

          “Disaster funds mostly, but there were many former students who loved Blackwell and wanted to see it better than it was. The wonderful thing was that Prescott left. I guess He didn’t want any of his association with the psychopath Jefferson discovered.”  

          I checked backstage. Everything was as I requested. I thought it would be easier to overnight ship my photos to Blackwell than it would be to take them on the plane.

          Leaving Principal Grant’s office, Max noticed the office across the hall. “Counseling”.

          “Max, she is available Tuesdays and Thursdays for Blackwell students and any other time at the Crisis center. She’s also on call for emergencies.”

          Was it possible that Arcadia Bay was better than it was before the storm?

          I walked back to the hotel when I saw her coming in the opposite direction. It was Kate Marsh. I walked up to her and gave her a hug. She looked different from the friend I knew 10 years ago.

          Her hair was down on her shoulders. She was not wearing the minimizer bra she always wore at Blackwell, and the most noticeable thing, she walked with a confident step.

          “Kate, you look great,” I said
          “So do you, Max. I was hoping to see you while you were here.”

          “Is there any place  we could go talk?
          “Sure Max.”

                   I was puzzled. Kate walked to the main entrance of Blackrock. She turned and unlocked the Counsoler’s office.

          “I’m a licensed counsoler Max. I work with Dr. Masters at the Crisis Center, but I am here twice a week.] for the students.

          My jaw dropped open. I couldn’t believe this was the Kate that had been bullied by Victoria Chase.

          “How did you …?

          “The night of the storm. The hospital I was at was not in the direct path of the storm but there was significant damage , and it was being evacuated. There was this small girl crying. No one was available to help. I wrapped a blanket around her, and I stayed with her until the responders from Tillamook, Bay City, and Portland arrived.”

          Later I told Dr. Haynes about the girl. She was pleased. I told her I wanted to learn to help people. My family had other wishes for me, but I convinced them this was God’s will.  I got my Masters and my license in Portland. My first thought I had was to return to Acadia Bay and make myself available for Blackwell student’s”

          “That is wonderful, Kate.”

          There were a few hours before my presentation. Kate said she would be there, and we could talk afterwards. I needed to be alone for a bit.

 There were two places I needed to visit before I would accept the storm had been the godsend it seemed to be, washing away the influence of the Prescotts and turning Kate Marsh into someone who could take care of herself and others.

          I wasn’t surprised all traces of the Two Whales Diner were gone, replaced by a franchise restaurant. Of course, what I missed was Joyce.

          The lighthouse seemed to be drawing me up the steps, to the place I made the decision to save Chloe. Guardrails had been erected so no one would fall, unintentionally or deliberately.

          I looked out over the bay. Everything was calm and peaceful, but I knew that could be a deception. Storms can sometimes appear in an instant.

          It was time. There were other presenters. Now it was my turn. I was anxious walking on the stage. I calmed and started to enjoy the presentation I was giving. Perhaps Amanda was right. The crowd was pleased and so was Ms Grant.

          After the presentation I took Kate to my room and ordered a salad and a glass of wine for both of us. Kate told me about her work as a therapist and the sadness she sometimes felt for her clients.

          I told Kate about my work at Caladon, teaching and staying in touch with other artists. I also mentioned a certain barista.

          “What ever happened to Chloe Price? I seem to remember you two were very close.”

          “Uh, it’s complicated. Very complicated.”

          “Max, you saved my life. I am your friend and if there is anything I can do…

          I looked at Kate. My eyes started to water.

          “It was my fault. I caused the breakup.”

Chapter Text

I spent the morning shooting locations around Blackwell and Arcadia Bay. Perhaps someone would be interested in a photo layout of a town rebuilt from the rubble of a storm.

Perhaps the photos would remind me that Arcadia Bay needed a cleansing that incidentally resulted from my choice to save Chloe.

          I glanced at the cemetery where Joyce Price and others lost in the storm were buried. David had chosen not to use the Madsen name on the tombstone for Chloe’s sake, not wanting to come between Chloe and her mother. There could have been a different Price in the grave.

          I saw Kate walking up to me. I was still amazed by the change in her personality and the way she dressed.

          “Max, I was hoping I would find you before you left for Vermont.”

          “Kate, I won’t be leaving until tomorrow. would you like to go somewhere and have some tea?”

          “I’d like that Max.

I followed Kate to a tea shop near Blackwell. We sat in a quiet booth and shared hot tea.”

          “Kate, something you might be interested in. I have a Japanese student named Miyoko. I told her I enjoy drinking tea with friends. She told me about the Japanese Tea Ceremony. Look it up, you might be interested in it. Something you can do with a friend.”

          “Like you. Thanks. You were telling me that Chloe Price broke up with you. What happened?”

          “I guess I wasn’t good enough for her.”

          “Good enough for her? Max, look at me. How can you say you’re not good enough? You saved my life. If anything, she’s not good enough for you.”

          “Don’t say that” I insisted. “Its … complicated. I left her when she needed me, and I was too ashamed to keep in contact with her. Then there was the storm.”

          “What has the storm have to do with it?

 After staying with my parents for a bit, we traveled to different places. She wanted to explore before we decided what to do. All I could think about was the people back in Arcadia Bay. I would sometimes ignore her and...”

          “Sounds like survivor guilt, Max. Tell me, did you think you should have died in the storm?”

          “I don’t know, maybe.”

          “My family went out of their way to load me with guilt so I would be a  ‘good Christian girl.’ I had to learn to deal with it and what being a Christian really was. Max, guilt isn’t your friend.”

          Kate gave me her card. I told her I would keep in touch. I had said that to Chloe. Uh guilt is not my friend. I will try and remember that.

          One place left to visit. I didn’t want to visit the darkroom. Yet I knew I had to face my last demon while I was here. My body tightened as I approached the place where I was abducted by the psychotic teacher.

          The barn was gone, just a worn concrete step that led to a dark, empty, damp room. The steel door was gone. A small fragment of crime scene tape still hanging from one side of the entrance.

          Of course, I knew what had happened. Rescuers found David Madsen guarding Mark Jefferson  securely bound to a chair. I would have loved to have been the police photographer, especially the booking photo. Mark Jefferson being perfectly captured in a moment of desperation. Karmic justice.

 Truth was, neither Chloe nor I felt any satisfaction when we heard Jefferson had been murdered in prison. It changed nothing. Rachel was still dead, and I had recuring nightmares of the darkroom.

          After stopping for a drink, I returned to my hotel and packed my things for the trip home. What does that mean, home? Somewhere I belong? Somewhere I’m loved? Why am I asking these questions?

          I checked out of my hotel. I stopped by Blackwell to say goodbye to Ms. Grant and to thank her for Blackwell paying for my room and food. She gave me a quick tour including the Performing Arts and the new foreign language department.

          “We would love to have an experienced photography instructor, Max”

          “I already have a … Maybe I will think about it.”.

          The sky was clear. I left Arcadia Bay heading to Portland for my flight home. A couple of stops on the way at places which reminded me of my time with Chloe. I wasn’t totally anxious to get back to Caledon.

          Kate Marsh was right. Guilt has never been my friend. I don’t know what it was, always thinking I wasn’t good enough. There were times when the only things I enjoyed was taking pictures and playing pirates with Chloe.

          The flight back to Vermont was uneventful. I was thinking about how Arcadia Bay changed for the better.

          I walked into the Snapping Turtle and walked up to the bar.

“Look what the cat just dragged in,” Amanda said.

“What cat? I could use some help getting around. Do you know how long the trip from Arcadia Bay was?”

          “No, but if you hum a few bars … How did the trip go?”

          “Not bad. I saw an old friend I haven’t seen for a long time.”

          “Did you get laid?”
          “Of course not. Kate is a Christian woman. She is working as a therapist.”

          “About time you got some help, but you didn’t need to go to Oregon to get it.”

          “Maybe I did.”

          I went back to my room to finish my unpacking. Can’t wait to work on my Arcadia photos. But I am tired. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

          Ok, time to get to work. Unpack clothes and get to work. First thing I want to do is send Ms. Grant a copy of my Blackwell shots. I notice my room is a little messy, so I stop what I am doing and clean up.

          It catches my eye. The letter from Chloe. Maybe I should have put it somewhere I would never find itagain. I try to put it back, but it is was making me uncomfortable, even though it has been a while since it was a problem.

          Suddenly a perfect storm of emotion exploded within me. The fight with Chloe, the breakup played back in my mind, as if I were watching a movie. It didn’t have to happen. But it did because I couldn't focus on my life with Chloe. And it happened because it was always too tempting to avoid conflict by rewinding.

          I thought of making an appointment with the college counseling service, but I remembered the card Kate gave me. I sent her a text and asked her to call me when she was free. About 30 minutes later the phone rang. She asked me what was wrong. I sent her a picture of Chloe’s letter.

          Kate was patient with me. At one point she had me wait a bit while she consulted Dr. Masters about something.

          “Max, I don’t know what rewinding is, but it sounds like you were avoiding dealing with problems. You two obviously needed to communicate better.”

          “You’re right.”

          “Do you know where she is?

          “I am not sure.”

          “Maybe you should try to contact her. Worst that could happen is she won’t respond.”

          “I couldn’t. Not after all this time.”

          “Guilt is not your friend, Max.”

Chapter Text

Friday evening. Classes are over but not for the teacher. I put away the items I was grading until tomorrow. Remember, “never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.”
Just joking. Everybody is excited about tomorrow evening. Ladybug is making a special appearance. Ladybug is a popular group. Zoey and Jan met at Caledon and formed a girl group. They put on a performance once a year for the students. Chloe would love …

I froze. Once again, I thought about… Kate was right. It was time to stop thinking about the past. Maybe I can still get something going with Amanda if I don’t… Chloe is doing whatever she is doing, wherever she is. and she is with whomever she… Maybe I will finish up my work. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

The Snapping Turtle was starting to fill.
“What do you want?” Amanda asked.
“Something,” I replied. “Busy day. Doing catch-up. Did you know when you take time off, the work you left will still be there when you get back?”
“Well no. Patrons of the bar don’t line up and wait for me to get back when I am off sick or something.”
“Maybe I should have a job like yours.”

“So how did the trip go, other than you didn’t get laid?”
“Better than I expected. Everything was rebuilt better than it was before the storm. Oh, I got an offer to be the photography instructor at Blackwell”
“Wouldn’t that be hard doing two teaching jobs and unless you have a two-way portal to Oregon and, no that would be too much even for your powers”
“I didn’t say I was going to take the job.”
“You didn’t say you weren’t.”

The thought flashed through my head. Maybe returning to Blackwell would be a good idea. I could hide from Safi, maybe. I am not interested in using powers again, ever. It cost me and others too much. And according to Chloe it was a part of the reason she left me.

The performance was about to start. Of course, I would be photographing the event in an official capacity for Caledon. Ladybug was unique. This was their way of expressing gratitude to the school. The admission was free, but only for Caledon students, faculty or alumni. Fortunately, that included me.

The house lights dimmed, and the performance began. This was a challenge. Photographing a performance is different from what I was used to doing. The performers were moving, and I had to compose and shoot on the fly. I needed emotional energy that I usually didn’t possess.
I was also having trouble keeping my eyes off Zoey. She had black hair like Amanda’s only it was shoulder length slightly curled. She was expressive, occasionally glancing at Jan. If I had her energy maybe I would have to be a performer.
The crowd was going wild, moving with the music. If I didn’t have a camera I would be moving with the music too. The show ended with the crowd screaming LADYBUG, LADYBUG!

Zoey waved at me to join her and Jan backstage.
“Ah I am Max Caulfield. I am the Artist in Residence…”
“We know about you Max,” Zoey said. “We were told you were kind of special here and we are happy to meet you.
“Uh I’m not special, but you two. I could never get up on stage and …”
“You never know, Max. What if I told you we stay to ourselves mostly. When we are on stage it’s like we get this superpower that lets us come out of ourselves. Who knows Max. You might have a superpower. You just have to find what you want the most.”

Superpower. That was my problem.

It was getting near 3 in the afternoon. Kate wasn’t comfortable working on Sunday, but she understood my schedule and she doesn’t think of me as a client.
Ironic. I talked Kate down from the roof at Blackwell. Now she is talking me out of the discomfort I have been feeling ever since I returned from Arcadia Bay.
I connected to Kate’s client portal and waited. The screen came on and there she was, not the shy, quiet, Christian girl I knew from Blackwell. She was someone I could be attracted to if it wasn’t for…
We talked about Ladybug and then we got to what I really wanted to talk about. I missed Chloe. I thought I had forgotten the pain of our breakup, but I had just suppressed it.

“And what do you want to do about it, Max?”
“What can I do about it? She left me and I haven’t heard from her since.”
“Have you tried to contact her?”
“What good would that do?”
“I don’t know, and neither do you. I am not saying you will reconnect with her, but you will not if you don’t try.”
“I guess you are right, Kate.”

Kate closed the connection, and I disconnected my end. She was right. Chloe wasn’t going to come back to me if I did not make an effort to find her and let her know I still loved her.

Monday class went ok. Miyoko is my best student. She showed some of her work from when she lived in Osaka. It was amazing. Another student asked about traditional film and darkroom photography and if it was better than digital. I explained the process of developing films and producing prints. What I didn’t explain was my visible discomfort over discussing darkrooms.

It was time. No more procrastination. I took out my phone. Chloe’s number was still in my contacts. I couldn’t bear to delete it. I sent the text.

Max>: “Chloe, I miss you. I visited Arcadia Bay recently. It is completely rebuilt. So is Blackwell. Wells is gone. Ms Grant is Principal. Being there made me think of you and reminded me what we were to each other. If you are ever in Vermont, come to Caledon University. Miss you”

No response. Her number could have changed. She could have me blocked. Maybe she doesn’t care about me anymore. Maybe she’s…

I waited a week. I knew what Kate would say. “Max, you have to let her go.” I sent another text.

Max>: “Chloe, did I ever tell you why I ghosted you when my family moved to Seattle? I was ashamed of leaving you, especially when you dad had just died. I felt guilty. You know me and guilty feelings. The more I waited the harder it got to respond . I needed you too, but I couldn’t say it.”

Thinking about Chloe was starting to affect my teaching. This was not the thing I was supposed to be doing. I tried forgetting Chloe, but I couldn't. One more try.

Max>: This is the last time I will bother you. I saw this weird movie. A boy built a time machine to help win a girl he was interested in. Didn’t work
When I got my rewind power at Blackwell I sometimes used it to make friends. Sorry Chloe. I should have thought more about us.
Sayonara as a student of mine would say.