Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was no secret Mickey loves Ian no matter what. Ever since they were younger and was scared to admit it, he knew deep down he loved the man Ian Gallagher was. Even when Ian was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, he didn’t think twice about leaving him, he couldn’t.

Throughout his life he’d sacrificed so much for Ian and he didn’t regret any of it, from getting shot in Kash n Grab, coming out to a room full of people, almost killing Sammi, going to prison, escaping prison and so on. Never once did he regret it because it meant one step closer to finally being with the man he loved.

Now he was living with the man for christ sake, married. It all still seemed unreal to Mickey because of how he grew up, he would have never expected to end up with such a happy, domestic life. If he told younger Mickey this is what his life would be, he’s sure he would’ve got the shit beat out of him.

He’s learned over the years no matter how hard it was for him to realize, he would be okay, he had the man he loved right by his side and Terry wasn’t around anymore to terrorize them. He could finally be happy for once in his life. But sometimes there are bad days that affect both him and Ian.

One of those days ended up being today, Mickey could tell something was wrong the minute they both woke up. Ian was curled up in front of him and was sleeping soundly but wouldn’t wake up when Mickey kissed his head and rubbed the side of his bicep, he just groaned and rolled over. Mickey’s heart dropped, he knew this was a possibility to happen due to Ian’s new meds but he wasn’t fully ready for it to happen so quickly.

”Hey sleepy face, wake up.” Mickey said shaking him slightly and running his fingers through that orange hair that he always loved so much. As he was doing this he just got more mumbles out of Ian and a small, “m’go away…” Which completely shattered Mickey, he hated seeing his husband so helpless.

He knew deep down he couldn’t control it and all he could do was to provide him with the most comfort he can.

”Fuck… I know E, I’m gonna make us some breakfast.” Mickey said giving Ian a final kiss on his forehead and walking to the kitchen where he breathed in and out throughly, he knew this would be a long few days for both of them but it didn’t matter to Mickey, he signed up for this, through sickness and health.

Mickey knew Ian thought he was a burden during his episodes and Mickey always did his best while he was in them to comfort him because that’s what a good husband does.

He started making eggs and bacon for them, Mickey wasn’t a great cook but he knew the basic stuff… thankfully.

After he was finished he grabbed Gatorade and Ian’s meds for him to have. He arrived back into their room where he still saw Ian lying down motionless under the covers.

“Hey sweet-face I got you food… you wanna try and have some?” Mickey spoke out softly trying to pull the covers that Ian pulled over his head but just received a groan in protest keeping a firm grip on the blanket.

This made Mickey sigh and just run his hand down Ian’s leg delicately.

”Can you at least try and have your meds for me then…?” Mickey tried as he poured the meds into his palm holding the Gatorade in the other before successfully pulling the cover off Ian’s head.

Mickey could tell Ian knew what he was saying but physically couldn’t do anything besides provide a small hum, stare at the wall in front of him before slightly opening his mouth.

”That’s perfect E, thank you.” Mickey said softly as he poured some of the drink into Ian’s mouth before giving him the pills.

He saw Ian swallow them which made him extremely happy in the moment. He remembered they didn’t have work today, so eventually he curled up in front of Ian under the covers wrapping his arms around his waist tightly. He just stared at his face and ran his tattooed fingers down his cheeks.

“I love you so much Ian, you’re gonna be okay.”

The next few days were worst than the first, Ian still didn’t eat his food and Mickey had to force him to take his meds. He was stressed out, he didn’t expect it to get this bad from just new medication dose.

He knew none of this was Ian’s fault but he forgot how much it messed him up to see the love of his life like this. He was currently trying to get Ian to take his meds like usual but this time, Ian wouldn’t budge.

”Leave me the fuck alone!” He yelled covering himself with the covers again.

Mickey just sat there in shock and all this reminded him of the first time he witnessed Ian acting this way. He stared at Ian’s face before it was covered by the blanket and all Mickey could do was spiral. What could he do? He hadn’t gotten this bad in years and wasn’t prepared. He just sat up and walked into the kitchen to pace before he went and punched the wall with so much force it started to bleed.

”Fucking christ!” Mickey yelled as he started sobbing, he hated this, he hated this for Ian. He knew he couldn’t do as much as he thought he could so he panicked and dialed Lip’s phone number. It started to ring and Lip picked up.

”Mickey?”

“Look Lip I don’t know what to do, Ian started new medication and he hasn’t gotten out of bed in fuckin’ days. He’s been able to take his meds but he wouldn’t fucking do it today- he just yelled and I don’t know what to fuckin’ do!” Mickey was clearly freaking out, during his rant he slipped down to the floor with his bloody hand on his knee not caring about it dripping down onto his sweatpants.

”Hey- hey Mickey slow down, did you say days? Why the fuck haven’t you said anything?” Lip countered seeming pretty concerned.

”Because he was fine! He was taking his fucking meds and he seemed to be getting better but he won’t fucking get up! Fuck- I need help Lip please I’m so worried about him.” Mickey was clearly crying now from the other line and he could hear Lip sigh.

“I’ll be right there man okay? Do you need anything?” Lip asked as Mickey could hear him picking up keys.

“No- no I don’t, thank you.”

Mickey had never been good at feelings towards anyone, he was raised to not have any emotional feelings and that really stuck with him. The only time he really showed any emotion was with Ian, if anything had to do with Ian, he would immediately flip his demeanor. Everyone around him knew him as the South Side thug that beat everyone’s ass, and maybe they were right, but he knew deep down Ian was the only person that could flip that behavior around with a snap. He still was so shocked that someone actually loved him, not just casual fucking but real love and he was married for fucks sake.

There are days like this when he feels like he doesn’t deserve Ian. Mickey had constantly let him down ever since they were teenagers fucking in the back of Kash n Grab, getting caught by Terry, getting married to Svetlana plus having a fucking kid with her, he could go on and on. He hates when Ian is so fucking helpless and Mickey can’t do a thing about it no matter how hard he tries. He should be able to help him the way Ian helps him but sometimes it seems fucking impossible and he feels like he can’t do anything right and he knows it isn’t either of their faults but it still haunts the back of his head that he should be doing more for him but can’t.

As he was thinking hard, he heard a knock on the door and he knew exactly who it was so he slowly got up to walk to the door and grab the handle with his non bloody hand.

He opened the door and saw Lip looking as scared as he was. ”Hey dude where’s he at?” Lip asked walking inside to take off his shoes.

“He’s in our bedroom… sorry for calling you I just don’t know what to fuckin’ do.” Mickey spoke out staring at his bloody knuckles.

“Alright- what the fuck happened to your hands?” Lip asked staring at them.

“Fuck off it’s nothing, just go check on him.” Mickey retorted back leading him to their bedroom. When they opened the door to the bedroom Mickey immediately bit his lip as he stared at his husband motionless in their bed.

”He- he won’t get up…” Mickey spoke as Lip slowly walked toward Ian to see him.

“Hey Ian, you alright?” Lip asked softly resting a hand on his arm covered by the blanket.

“Fuck off…” Ian roughly whispered as a tear slipped down his nose. Lip looked up at Mickey who was rubbing his nose with clear stress. Lip looked back at Ian and wiped the tear that fell.

”What do you need Ian?” Lip asked kneeling down. Ian grumbled and softly spoke, “mick…” Mickey heard his quiet word and immediately sat right next to him to place a hand on his scalp to massage it.

“Shit, I’m here E… we need you to take your meds.” Lip took that as a cue to grab them off the nightstand and pour them out onto his palm and hand them to Mickey.

”Baby can you please take them?”

Mickey said squeezing his arm not tightly but comfortably. Ian opened his mouth slightly again and Mickey’s face lit up so he slipped the meds into his mouth. They both watched him swallow them and Mickey immediately ran a hand down his face sighing. “Fuck, thanks Lip…”

”Don’t mention it, call me whenever you feel it’s necessary. Need me to stay longer? Do you have to work?” Lip asked standing up from his kneeling position.

“I’m gonna take off work, I’m not leaving him. Could you call his shrink and let them know what’s going on though?” Mickey asked leaning down to kiss Ian on the head softly, he felt him slightly lean into it which made him smile.

”Of course dude. I’m gonna get going then, call me if anything else happens.”

Lip started to walk out and smiled at the two of them curled up together. “Thank you for saving my brother, I know we don’t really get along but I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for him, he deserves it.”

Mickey just stared at him and couldn’t even think of a rude comeback like he would usually use so he just smiled and said, “We saved each other, he really does deserve it. And um- thanks for saying that…”

Lip just let out a small laugh and nodded before walking out of the house leaving him and Ian alone again. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around Ian’s waist to whisper in his ear.

”You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I-I know I don’t say it a lot but I love you so much and you really don’t understand how much you mean to me. If it wasn’t for you, I would probably still be in my father’s house, never figuring out that I could find someone like you out there. I probably would’ve gotten with someone I didn’t even like to appease my father and would’ve ended up dying on the street from a robbery gone wrong. You really saved my life Ian and I can’t thank you enough for how much it meant to me when we finally got married, it’s stupid to admit but I thought about it since we first started hooking up. I knew you were the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with- I just wish my life was different so I could just live life with you without Terry wanting to fuckin’ kill us for loving each other. I wanted to tell you I love you ever since we kissed for the first time in that fucking van but I- I was so fucking scared Ian, I still get scared sometimes and I hate that you have to love somebody who can’t even fully come to terms with the fact he loves a man. I hate how fucked up I am and fuck- I hate that you have to love someone like me. I know you would say you are ‘just as fucked up’ but I am the reason for some of that. I know we haven’t really talked about that day Terry caught us but fuck- it haunts me every fucking day. I hate that I put you in that situation, we shouldn’t have even been fucking in the living room if we didn’t know for sure he was gone, you wouldn't have had to witness me fucking Svetlana. I-I never told you this but I was sick for fucking days thinking about it. I fucking hated the way she smelled, felt, I couldn’t handle it and I thought I was a little bitch for it and maybe I was, but I still have nightmares about it. Then you kissed me in the back of my stupid wedding and everything was clear to me, you loved me like I loved you. I wished for years every time we would have a rough patch that we would eventually work out in the end and we fucking did and I couldn’t be happier you are my husband and my best friend. I wish I could save you from your illness but I know it’s always gonna be a part of you and I love you for who you are, through sickness and health, I love you Ian.”

Mickey hadn’t looked at Ian’s face once during his speech, but when he heard sniffles he looked and saw Ian crying. He understood that he couldn’t move or say much, but he knew Ian heard the whole thing and processed it fully so he just kissed the top of his head a fell asleep behind him.

A few more days passed and Ian was definitely getting better this time, Mickey could tell he wasn’t on the verge of going down again. Ian was actually getting up to go to the kitchen with Mickey to watch him make breakfast from the couch.

Once Mickey finished with breakfast, he walked over to Ian with the food and two drinks in hand. He noticed Ian making eye contact with him and giving a weak smile.

”Here baby,” Mickey said sitting down next to him, curling up by his side biting a piece of toast.

”m’thank you mick…” Ian sighed out leaning on Mickey’s shoulder giving him a small kiss on his neck.

”You don’t need to thank me E, through sickness and health remember?” Mickey said leaning into the small kiss on his neck, he was so glad Ian was moving today.

”I ‘member… best day of my life.” Ian croaked out and Mickey has to bite his lip to stop himself from crying for the third time this week.

”m’sorry for yelling at you… I didn’t mean it, I never want you to go away…” Ian whispered leaning down to rest his head in Mickey’s lap.

“I fuckin’ love you Ian…” A tear finally slipped down Mickey’s face and he wiped it super quick, but Ian caught it, he notices everything about his husband.

“I heard everything you said a few days ago… m’sorry I couldn’t say anything to comfort you, it gets so foggy ‘n can’t talk…” Ian just leaned his head farther into Mickey’s lap, wrapping his arms around his waist and inhaling his scent that he loves so much.

“Don’t fucking apologize Ian, I-I think it was better that you didn’t say anything, I would’ve chickened out and told you to fuck off.” Mickey laughed at his own words, “I’m sorry I can’t express my feelings that well, it’s just so fuckin’ hard for me, but I’m trying… for you E.”

Ian was listening to him when he noticed Mickey’s bloody knuckles and immediately grabbed it softly. “What happened…?”

Mickey realized and sighed. ”I just got stressed out that you wouldn’t take your meds and I didn’t know what to do… so I punched a wall and cried on the floor like a pussy.”

Ian looked up at him and looked back down to kiss above his bloody knuckles.

“m’sorry baby… I wish I wasn’t fucked up.”

Mickey’s whole demeanor changed and he grabbed Ian’s face softly.

“Don’t ever say that, you know I don’t think of you any differently just because you’re bipolar. I love you exactly for who you are and if we hit a few bumps in the road so be it, it’s worth it to be with you forever.” Mickey said leaning down to kiss his forehead.

”I love you Mick… Lip was right, you saved my life.” Ian spoke out staring right into Mickey’s bright blue eyes.

“And you saved mine E.”