Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“NO!!!! I DON’T WANNA GO!!!!!”

“Jessica, that’s ENOUGH,” a stern voice rang out from the driver’s seat over the young girl's screams. “You’re eight years old now, act like it. Any more of this nonsense and you can say goodbye to those goddamn dolls of yours. We’re nearly there anyway; you’re going to this camp and that’s FINAL.”

Unsurprisingly, the panic of possibly losing her prized possessions only made Jessica’s wailing worse. Despite her father’s threat, there was no way she was going to let them do this to her. Jessica hated the outdoors; it was gross and dirty and full of scary bugs and animals. She hated her parents for making her go on this thing when they KNEW she hated even going on picnics. Worst of all, she was going to be stuck there for twelve days with a bunch of kids she’d never met before. If Karen was going with her it might be different, but Jessica had never been good at making friends. The boys were always so scary and rude, and the girls were mean to her for being quiet. She was sure it wouldn’t be any different here, that she'd just end up being bullied like usual. All she wanted was to go home and curl up on the couch in front of a movie with her mom.

“PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME GO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I DON’T WANT TO I HATE YOU!!!!”

“THAT’S IT JESSICA, I-,” Her father started to yell before he was interrupted by a gentle tap on the shoulder.

“Please go easier on her,” Jessica’s mom said gently before glancing at her daughter worriedly.

“FINE!!! YOU SHUT HER UP THEN IF YOU THINK I’M DOING SUCH A BAD JOB!” he shouted angrily, fuming as he stared at the road ahead of them.

“You better watch your language Chris, or we’re gonna have a problem,” she growled, sighing and turning back to look at her daughter after her husband responded with what was barely a grunt. “Jessica, honey, do you remember what we talked about before?”

“YEAH AND I SAID I DIDN’T WANNA GO THEN AS WELL AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN!!” the young girl screamed.

Smiling, her Mom reached back, beckoning the young girl to take her hand. She reluctantly grabbed onto it, clutching onto the warm and comforting presence as she slowly calmed down, her screaming replaced by quiet sobbing.

“Sweetie, I know it’s scary, but I promise you’re going to have a good time. There’s going to be so many fun activities and lots of other kids to make friends with. Then once you’re back you can have as many sleepovers with Karen as you want, okay? You just need to show me how brave you are, and everything will be fine.”

Jessica sat there for a few seconds, mulling her options over. She had a much harder time staying angry at her mother, despite how betrayed she felt. She never raised her voice or threatened her like her dad did, and aside from Karen she was basically Jessica’s best friend - not that she had any others. She knew her mom had her best interests at heart doing this, but that didn’t make it any better; she still hated the idea entirely. But as she sat there thinking, she realised that she hated disappointing her mother even more than the idea of going to the camp.

“...Ice cream,” the young blonde muttered.

“What was that Jessica? Speak up please,” her mom smiled, squeezing her hand.

“I want ice cream on the way home. And the sleepovers too,” Jessica grumbled, avoiding making eye contact as she blinked back tears, doing her best to stop herself from crying any further.

“Of course we can do that darling,” her mom replied happily. “We’ll have the best summer ever once you’re back, and I promise you can have all the ice cream you want.”

“...Fine, I’ll go.”
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It’d been less than an hour since Jecka’s parents had left at the campsite and she already couldn’t stand it. The other kids were way too noisy for her, screaming as they ran around tackling each other into the dirt, or excitedly chattering by the firepit while they played some stupid game with one of the camp leaders. The leaders had tried to get her to join in, but she’d stubbornly refused, instead sitting alone on a nearby log. She wasn’t interested in talking to any of them.

”Why are you wearing a dress?”

Jessica jumped in shock at the sudden interruption, turning to look at the voice’s owner. Standing next to her was a girl who’d been leaning in so close to her ear that their noses were almost touching now. She had an enormous grin plastered on her face alongside almost as much dirt as there was covering her ratty t-shirt and jeans, making her look almost identical to all the boys running rampant across the campsite. The only distinguishing feature between her and them was the long brown hair flowing behind her, messily tied up into a ponytail as it glowed in the sunlight. Jessica could already tell this wild girl was almost her complete opposite.

“Because I like dresses and I wanted to. Do you have a problem with that?” Jessica huffed indignantly, eyeing the dark haired girl closely.

She had to be making fun of her, right? Why else would this girl, who was clearly having the time of her life, stop what she was doing to come talk to the miserable kid? She was well aware of how strange her light pink dress and ballet flats made her look amongst all the kids much better prepared for a week and a half outdoors. She knew they’d all been staring and whispering, but she’d hoped it’d take at least a day or two before anyone started picking on her.

“Nononono! No problem at all!” the girl waved her hands in panic, and Jessica could’ve sworn she noticed a slight blush beneath the grime on her face. “It looks really pretty! I just thought that it didn’t seem very fun to camp in, that’s all.”

“Well camping isn’t fun and I hate it, so I may as well be pretty if I have to be here.”

The strange girl audibly gasped at the statement before grabbing onto Jessica’s arm, her huge blue eyes wide with shock. “You don’t like camping?? Why not?? It’s the best thing ever!!”

“How is this fun?? You’re covered in dirt and you’ve got holes all over your clothes, you’re going to need to get new ones! Didn’t you like those?” Jessica snapped, pulling her arm away from the girl, whose shock had quickly turned into confusion as she looked down at her clothes, apparently only just realising what she looked like right now. Was she stupid or something?

“Oh, these holes? I’ve had those for agessssss,” she shrugged absentmindedly, meanwhile Jessica’s eye was beginning to twitch as she watched the girl mindlessly fiddle with a loose thread, worsening the tear it had been peeking out of. “Mom says it just shows how much fun I'm having. Oh! I remember now! So this one I got when I fell out of the tree down the road, this one I got at our old place when I fell over chasing our cat Newport, this one-”

God, this girl was such a nuisance. Her antics were quickly burning through the already little patience Jessica had for others. As the girl continued to recap her entire life story through the remnants of her torn up shirt, Jessica stood up and started to leave; desperate to find literally anywhere else where she could sulk in peace. She only managed to get a few steps away before the dark haired girl dashed in front of her, blocking her path.

“Where are you going??” she asked earnestly, a confused expression clouding her face.

“Can you just leave me alone?” Jessica growled. “I was perfectly fine by myself, I don’t know why you had to ruin it for me.”

“I… I just…” the brunette trailed off, a torn look on her face as she hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad or anything. You just… looked lonely. I wanted to help.”

Jessica felt herself falter. She’d already realised that the girl wasn’t trying to bully her, but it was unbelievable how annoying and overly confident she was. Who did she think she was, not only making that assumption but also assuming that she would be the one to fix that? She was just so frustrating. But still, seeing how disappointed the strange girl looked, Jessica felt bad, which only infuriated her more. Somehow she’d ended up being the villain here, upsetting this poor girl who’d only been trying to help; at least that’s how everyone else would see it.

“...Fine, prove it,” she sighed, folding her arms. “You’ve got four days to prove camping is fun or you have to leave me alone forever.”

“R-REALLY??” It took less than a second for the girl to perk back up, her enormous smile returning to her face as she grabbed Jessica’s arm again, dragging her along. “I’ll do it! I’ll show you everything I love about being here! Come with me!”

“Where are we going??” Jessica asked confusedly, doing her best to keep up with the girl’s jogging.

“We’re gonna move your stuff to my cabin! Let’s have a sleepover… uh… oh! I never even got your name!” The girl giggled. “I’m Nicole, and you’re…?”

“Jessica,” she muttered. “I hate it though.”

“Hmmm... what if I call you Jecka? It’s like Jessica but it sounds way cooler.”

“Jecka???? Where did you get that from??” Jessica laughed. People had tried to call her things like Jessie or Jess before and she’d hated them just as much as her name. But this ridiculous nickname, suggested by Nicole, the most ridiculously annoying girl she’d ever met… It didn’t seem so bad.

“HEY!! YOU CAN LAUGH!!” Nicole said excitedly, her eyes lighting up as her smile somehow widened even further. “Jecka it is then! Now come on, let’s go!”

“Okay, okay, I’m coming!! Stop pulling so hard!”

She couldn’t help but feel a little bit of Nicole’s infectious energy flowing through her as the brunette dragged her towards the row of cabins. The idea of this insufferably loud and obnoxious girl being the one to help her enjoy camping was almost laughable, but for some reason, Jecka couldn’t help but hope that it would really happen.
____________________

“Jeckaaaaaaa come on!” Nicole groaned impatiently. “Come on, come on, come on!!! You promised!!!”

“No! I didn’t say anything about water. I can’t swim, I’m not doing this,” Jecka huffed, turning away before Nicole grabbed her by the arm, a move the blonde was quickly getting used to.

“You don’t need to swim in the river, it’s really shallow! You can walk and everything, and it feels really nice in the water. I promise you’ll have fun.”

“...Fine, I’ll come with you, but I’m not going in.”

“That’s fine! Now let’s go, come on!” Nicole replied slyly, and Jecka could tell the brunette was planning something. It didn’t matter though, there was no way she was getting in the water, shallow or not.

The river was close enough to the campsite that they were allowed to visit during their free time between activities. In fact, the camp leader encouraged it - the cool water was a refreshing break from the summer heat. So with Nicole running as fast as she could while dragging Jecka behind her, it wasn’t long before they got to the sandy riverbank.

“WOOHOO!!!!” Nicole screamed as she cannonballed straight into the river, while Jecka jumped backwards to avoid the ensuing eruption of water.

“Nicole watch out! You nearly got water on my dress, dummy!”

“It’s just water,” Nicole laughed. “It’ll dry in like, two minutes.”

Jecka sighed before taking a seat right on the shoreline. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re so mean to me,” Nicole replied sarcastically and stuck her tongue out before laughing again. “Here, watch this!”

Almost before she got the words out, Nicole was already diving down into the water. Jecka watched incredulously as her feet splashed around ridiculously in an attempt to keep herself from resurfacing, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. As annoying as Nicole was, Jecka couldn’t help but admit that she was just a slight bit entertaining. Just as the brunette started to come back up, she caught herself and did her best to revert back to the broody, bored expression she usually wore.

“Did you see me touch the bottom? How cool was it?” Nicole asked excitedly, staring at Jecka with huge eyes and a wide smile until she rolled her eyes and shrugged.

“It was alright,” Jecka sighed, doing her best to contain her smile. “You looked pretty stupid splashing around like that.”

“As long as you found it entertaining I don’t mind!” Nicole laughed. Jecka didn’t understand how nothing ever got to her. Compared to Jecka’s moodiness and prickly personality, Nicole was an unending ray of sunshine, taking everything in stride and seemingly capable of enjoying literally anything. Before she could reply, Nicole was wading towards her, holding her hand out. “Here! I got you something while I was down there.”

Trying to get a better view of what the girl was holding, Jecka moved closer to the water. It was a shell of some kind, shining white and pink, almost glittering in the sunlight. As much as she hated to admit it, she loved it, and was flattered that Nicole had seen it and thought of her right away. As she reached out to grab it, Nicole’s smile shifted to a mischievous grin as her other hand snapped forward to grab the blonde girl’s wrist, pulling Jecka forward into the water as she shrieked.

Jecka panicked as she plunged face first into the river, struggling to breathe as water flooded her ears and eyes. She closed her eyes as she flailed around desperately, all she could hear was the sound of her own frantic breaths bubbling to the surface, until a pair of arms wrapped around her and pulled her up to the surface and she was met with Nicole’s worried gaze.

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I TOLD YOU I CAN’T SWIM!” Jecka screamed as she caught her breath, trying not to cry. Luckily being drenched in water was hiding the tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

“I’m really sorry Jecka,” Nicole whined, tearing up as she forcibly pulled the blonde into a hug. Watching the brunette cling onto her sobbing like this, Jecka felt a rush of not only discomfort and guilt, but also envy at her inability to be open with her feelings the way Nicole could. “I just wanted to get you into the water, I didn’t mean to pull you under like that.”

“...Don’t worry about it,” She sighed, awkwardly patting Nicole’s back, wondering why she was even bothering to comfort the brunette. She hated how much the overwhelmingly annoying figure currently latched onto her was growing on her.

“Y-you like it though, right? It’s nice in here isn’t it?” Nicole asked shyly as she stepped back, staring nervously at Jecka, waiting for her approval. “See I told you, you can stand and everything.”

“It’s fine I guess,” she replied, stubbornly refusing to admit defeat. As she waded further into the river, her eyes lit up with glee as inspiration struck her. “The water does feel pretty HMPFHHHH!”

“JECKA??” Nicole panicked, wading as quickly as she could towards the spot where her friend had sunk below the surface once again. Jecka waited underwater, watching her shadow getting closer and closer until she was almost on top of her before leaping out and spraying the brunette with water.

“Gotcha!!” she cried out happily before catching herself again, this time not fast enough to stop Nicole from noticing her expression.

“YOU SMILED!!!” Nicole screamed happily. “You’re enjoying yourself!!”

“I did not,” Jecka complained, before splashing Nicole again. “You’re making it up.”

“You did so!” Nicole grinned as she splashed Jecka back. “You're still smiling now!!”

“Shut up!!”

Before she knew it she was laughing and enjoying herself right alongside the brunette, who was somehow able to not only drag Jecka along at her pace, but get her to enjoy it. And the more time they spent together, the more she couldn’t deny it - even if she wasn’t ready to admit it outloud. After what felt like a few minutes but was close to an hour, one of the camp leaders called for them from the riverbank.

“Kids!! Time to get out and make your way back to camp! It’s time for dinner!”

“Ughhhh, do we have to?” Jecka muttered, and Nicole giggled in response.

“Come on, let’s go get a spot close to the fire! We can dry off and toast s'mores and stuff.”

“...Okay fineeeee, let's go.”

The pair climbed out together, and Jecka did her best to contain her happiness as Nicole yet again dragged her back to the campsite. She still wasn’t ready to let her feelings out freely like the brunette did, but maybe someday.
____________________

Jecka sighed happily as she made her way back to the cabin. The cool night breeze flowed through her showered wet hair soothingly as the soft glow of the moon illuminated the path ahead of her. They were five days into the camp, and she was actually managing to settle into a rhythm; even beginning to enjoy herself a little. She was still unable to connect with anyone but Nicole, but whatever. None of the others were worth her time, and it was clear that they’d all made up their minds about her anyway. She was practically skipping up to the cabin steps as she thought about her new friend, when the girl in question suddenly stomped out of the room before turning around to slam the door behind her.

“Nicole? What’s going on?” Jecka asked confusedly, before seeing the fresh bruises peppered across her arms and cheek. “Oh my god are you okay?? What happened in there?”

Nicole jumped at the sudden noise, turning around to face Jecka. “Jecka!!! Hi!!! I’m okay, everythings okay, don’t worry. It’s nothing, I promise.”

“You’re bleeding! How is that okay?” Jecka refuted, pointing at a bite mark on the brunette's wrist. “Which one of them did that to you??”

“You should see what she looks like,” Nicole snickered. “Come on, come on, let’s go for a walk! It’s so nice out here tonight and I wanna watch the stars.”
Nicole moved to grab Jecka’s hand, a motion that had now become the norm between the two of them - only this time, to Nicole's confusion, Jecka pulled her hand away. “Only if you tell me what happened.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll tell you as we walk, now come on already,” Nicole groaned before reaching for the blonde's hand again, pulling her along as she’d done so many times before by this point. “I got in a fight with Alice. I was winning and everything but then she cried and Yvette and Stephanie started treating me like the bad guy so I left and I ran into you and now we’re going for a walk!”

Of course it was Alice. All of the other kids were awful to Jecka, but Alice had been the ringleader, and it was just her luck that they were sharing a cabin. Alice made her life hell every chance she could get without Nicole around, and apparently she was taking her hatred out on the brunette too.

“Anyway, like I said, don’t worry about it! I’m fine,” the brunette was grinning like usual; but Jecka had been around her enough to tell that this one was forced.

“How could I not worry? You’re my friend, dummy, of course I care.” Jecka could feel herself blushing as the words spilled out. Friend. It was impossible to deny at this point, but saying it out loud was a big step for her. If she wasn’t so in her head coming to terms with the gravity of what she said, she would have seen Nicole’s face turning an even deeper shade of crimson than hers in the moonlight.

“Friends!! You admitted it!” Nicole sang. “You like hanging out with me~.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re friends. And being friends means you’ll tell me what started the fight, right?”

“...Fine, she was insulting you and I got mad.”

…Oh. Nicole had been defending her. Somehow that reveal made Jecka blush even more, if that was possible. But why? Why would Nicole go out of her way to do that, putting herself in danger for her of all people?

“They all insult me Nicole, It’s fine. I’m used to it. You didn’t need to do that for me.”

“Of course I did, we’re friends right?” The brunette stopped running and smiled, holding Jecka’s hand tightly. “Besides, I’m sick of it. They all treat you awfully and say you deserve it without even bothering to get to know you. It’s not fair, I hate it. I really, really, really hate it. You deserve better than that.”

The two stood there in silence as Jecka processed what Nicole was saying. No one had ever stood up for her like that, believed in her the way Nicole did. She was sure that back home, the endlessly optimistic girl holding her hand was like this to everyone, but a part of her hoped that all of this attention and care was just for her.

“You’re so stupid Nicole,” she sighed, wishing she could muster up the courage to express how she truly felt. At the very least, she knew Nicole would understand what she was trying to say. “...Thank you.”

Nicole hugged her tightly, giggling like usual before pulling her further down the path until they reached an open field, far enough away from the camp to enjoy the peace and quiet, but close enough to sneak back to the group before the camp leaders noticed.

“Here’s perfect!” She said excitedly, laying down and beckoning Jecka to do the same. “Do you know how to spot the constellations?”

“No, I’ve never done this at all. They all just look like little specks to me.”

“Hmmm… Well do you see that one over there that’s more red than the others?” Nicole pointed into the sky, as Jecka did her best to follow her direction, eventually spotting a cluster surrounding one distinctly coloured star.

“That one?”

“That’s it! That’s the heart of Scorpius which is why it’s so red. And the three really bright ones there are its claws and head. Then if you look to the other side there's a bunch of them that make a hook shape, and that’s the tail!” Nicole babbled excitedly, turning to Jecka to watch her reaction.

The blonde laid there confused for a while, mapping out the stars in her mind. How was this meant to look like a scorpion? It was just a bunch of stars. But finally after a minute or so of squinting, she saw it and squealed as she turned to look at Nicole, her standoffish persona evaporated instantly by her excitement.

“I see it, that's so cool Nicole!! Show me another!”

“Yay, I know right!! Okay, do you see that triangle over there of a bunch of really bright stars?” she asked, grabbing Jecka’s arm with one hand while pointing back up at the night sky with the other.

“Yep!”

“That’s the summer triangle. Now we use the second brightest one, that one there, and you go up there to that one. That’s the head of the eagle - I think Mom said it’s called Aquila? Now you go back that way, and all those stars over there make the body and the wings!”

All Jecka could think about while she stared at the sky was how cool Nicole was, and how much stuff she knew. She could lay here watching the stars forever while she listened to Nicole’s endless rambling.

“Oooh, yep I see it. This is so much fun!” Jecka laughed.

“Yay, I’m glad you like it!! Hey, hey, does this mean I win our bet?” Nicole asked slyly, giggling as she turned to look at Jecka.

“...I have no idea what you mean,” the blonde replied innocently, relenting quickly once she saw Nicole’s pout. “Fineeeeeee, you win; I’m enjoying myself.”

“WOO HOO!!!” Nicole yelled. “Now you have to keep hanging out with me!”

“Ughhhhhh, you know that I would anyway Nicole, whatever.” Jecka rolled her eyes before trying to divert the conversation back to the stars. “Did your Mom show you all of those constellation thingies?”

“Yeah, we go camping every year, just me and her! We don’t have as much money as the other families so we always do stuff like that during summer when everyone else goes away. It’s okay though, I love it, and I get to spend time with her.”

“...Why are you here then? Instead of camping with her?” Jecka asked, confused.

“Oh, she’s too busy this year. But it’s okay, she promised we’d go extra long next year instead so everything’s fine!” Nicole smiled again, but just like before, Jecka could tell it was forced. “Plus I got to come here instead and meet you, so I think it’s a good thing. It feels like, I don't know, we were destined to be best friends or something.”

Before the brunette could react with anything but a shocked squeak, Jecka pulled her into a hug. “...Yeah, it really does. I’m glad I met you too, Nicole. You’re the most amazing friend I’ve ever had.”

Upon hearing those words, Nicole pulled Jecka in even tighter, and the two laid there together under the stars, both pretending not to notice the other’s quiet sobbing.
____________________

“NO!!!!! I DON’T WANNA LEAVE!!” Jecka screamed, trying to pull her arm out from her Father’s rough grip. “LET ME GO!!”

“Jessica please, we need to go honey. I’m glad you had a good time, but we can’t stay any longer,” her Mom pleaded, gently stroking her hair.

“I’M NOT GOING. I’M STAYING HERE WITH NICOLE FOREVER.”

“THAT’S ENOUGH JESSICA, YOU WERE ENOUGH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS ON THE WAY HERE, SO YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN AND BEHAVE YOURSELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR DAMN LIFE AND GET IN THE CAR!” her dad yelled at her, and Jecka flinched, expecting a slap that luckily never came.

“CHRISTOPHER YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!” her mother bellowed, catching her husband's free hand and pulling him away from Jecka, before glancing apologetically at the onlooking children and parents and turning back to her daughter. “Jessica, honey, who is Nicole? Would it help if we say goodbye to her?”

“NO SHE NEEDS TO COME WITH US OR I’M NOT GOING. AND STOP CALLING ME JESSICA, I TOLD YOU MY NAME’S JECKA NOW.”

Her mother shook her head and sighed, but before she could continue a voice called out amongst the surrounding chatter.

“Jecka, I found you!!!” She turned to see Nicole pushing through the crowd. Instantly she broke away from her parents, running towards the brunette and almost tackling her to the ground. “It’s so busy; I was worried we wouldn’t get to see each other before we go home!”

“I DON’T WANNA LEAVE NICOLE I WANT TO STAY WITH YOU!” Jecka cried, clinging to Nicole for dear life as she sobbed into her shoulder.

“I want to stay with you too Jecka. I’m gonna miss you. I’ll tell you what, let’s make a promise,” Nicole comforted her as she pulled away, a big toothy grin on her face as she reached into her pocket.

“A-a-a promise for what?” Jecka sniffed, wiping her eyes and looking back up.

The brunette pulled a crudely made friendship bracelet out of her pocket, before revealing a matching one on her arm. They each had a detailed pattern across their length, and a number of small shells from the river glued to the top; the only differences being she’d made a pink one for Jecka and a blue one for herself. “I made this for you during craft time yesterday, and look! I have one too, so we’re matching! If we both have one it means eventually we’ll meet again, and we’ll be best friends forever, okay?”

Jecka slowly reached out to take the bracelet. It fit snugly, and there was a comforting weight to it, as if Nicole herself was tugging on her wrist like usual. It was a nice feeling, and she could feel a weak smile forming on her face as she looked back at Nicole. “You promise?”

“I promise,” Nicole reassured, as the two embraced again. Jecka couldn’t understand how she could be so confident in this, but it made her want to believe it too. It had to happen, there was no way she was going to live the rest of her life without her new best friend.

“...Okay. You better not be lying or I'm going to get really mad at you,” she replied stiffly as the two finally pulled apart, trying not to cry further.

“I promise! I would never lie to you, we’re best friends forever,” the girl smiled, waving before turning to walk away. “See you later Jecka!”

She couldn’t muster anything more than a wave; she was barely containing her tears as it was and she knew that dam would break again if she even tried to say goodbye. As Nicole disappeared back into the crowd as quickly as she’d appeared, Jecka felt her Mom’s gentle hands on her shoulders. “Okay sweetie, are you ready to go? We’ll get ice cream on the way home like I promised.”

“...I want strawberry,“ she mumbled, her fingers clasping tightly around her Mom’s hand as the two turned back towards the car, her father following closely behind as he muttered.

“That sounds yummy, let’s go get you some. I love you, Jessi- sorry, Jecka,” her Mother replied, squeezing her hand and smiling.

“...I love you too, Mom.”
____________________

It’d been nearly nine years since Jecka had last seen Nicole, but their time together had never truly left her mind. They’d only spent a couple of weeks together, but she’d never connected with anyone else to the same degree. Even her friendship with Karen, who’d been her best friend until that trip, had felt hollow after that - not that it mattered since she’d gone and blown that up like she did everything. She’d spent every day hoping that she’d wake up and the happy go lucky brunette would be back in her life, giggling as she dragged her around, flashing that brilliant smile as she excitedly showed her every little thing she could.

But over time, she’d gotten closer and closer to giving up on that possibility. It’d been a pipe dream in the first place; she didn’t even know where Nicole had lived, and even if she did it would’ve been pointless - the brunette had told her about her family's constant moves. Still, it was hard to accept that that promise would never come to fruition, that so much of her hopes over the last almost nine years were based on a childish conversation with a girl she’d known for less than half a month.

But then she saw her. There she was, on the first day of junior year, sitting in her science class. Nicole. She had to pinch herself to make sure, convinced this was some kind of delusion, but it was her. She’d changed a lot since then - she was deathly pale, her face was now stuck in a permanent scowl, and her cheekiness seemed to have developed into a penchant for psychologically torturing everyone around her. Jecka spent the whole period watching her old friend's antics in shock as she got into a total of three arguments with Mr Burleday, tricked Kyler and Hunter into nearly killing each other and took jabs at anyone who even tried to introduce themselves to her.

She couldn’t believe some of the things she’d overheard Nicole saying to Jeffery, or that the person they were coming from was the same optimistic and kind to a fault child she remembered. But aside from the physical resemblance, there was a mischievous glint in her eye that Jecka would never forget. It really was Nicole, and she was here to fulfill their promise.

Jecka planned to make her move at the end of class, but before she could even start packing her bag Nicole had already made straight for the door and escaped. She felt a pang of disappointment; was Nicole avoiding her? Had she lost interest in their friendship after all this time, and running into Jecka again was just an uncomfortably awkward coincidence? No, it couldn’t be that. Nicole just hadn’t noticed her, she’d been distracted the whole class after all. They’d have plenty of time to reconnect later.

That opportunity finally came at lunch, when Jecka saw a familiar skinny figure, clad in a blue hoodie and dark jeans, wandering aimlessly through the cafeteria. This was it, she could do this. She took a deep breath, and steeled herself before walking up to Nicole and tapping her on the shoulder. “Hey, uhhhh… Nicole, right? The lunch line’s on the other end there.”

“Huh?” the brunette spun around to look at her, a confused expression on her face paired with that same scowl as before. Jecka flinched; it didn’t feel right seeing Nicole look like that, especially when it was directed towards her.

“You’re trying to find where the lunch line starts right? You got here a little late so it’s pretty long now.”

“Oh! Fuck, for a sec I thought everyone else was skipping too,” Nicole rolled her eyes. “That makes more sense though.”

“Where’d you come in from?” Jecka could feel herself getting antsy, waiting for Nicole to realise who she was talking to her, to remember her. She just had to keep this conversation going.

“Like just outside. There was this annoying guy who wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“Like, annoying how?”

“I don’t fuckin know.”

“Is he like ‘somehow managed to call you three different slurs while trying to get in your pants’ annoying? Or like ‘takes one look at you and picks something about you he can pretend he’s obsessed with and use to hit on you’ annoying?”

“Um… the second one.”

“Oh, yeah… Crispin. He’s like, mostly harmless; like he won’t do anything to you but he will hit on you every chance he gets and if you don’t run away he’ll talk out of his ass for hours trying to impress you.”

“Yeah, he seemed like the type,” Nicole muttered. “Wanna get a seat with me?”

“Yeah sure, all my friends got put in a different lunch period,” Jecka lied, trying to keep the excitement in her voice under wraps. She didn’t have any friends at all, but it didn’t matter. Nicole was here, and just like back then that was all she needed.

The two made their way to a free table nearby, and Nicole sighed with relief as she slid onto the bench “What’s your name? I’m Nicole.”

“I’m Jecka,” she replied instantaneously, watching cautiously for the brunette's response. She had to remember now.

“Jecka? That’s like, on your birth certificate?”

The offhanded joke was like a shot straight through Jecka’s heart. She didn’t remember her. Nicole didn’t remember the nickname she’d come up with that summer. It was just a random weird name to her like any other, the same way Jecka was nobody to her; just some random girl at her new school.

No. No no no no no no no.

This wasn’t meant to be like this. She could fix this, it was easy. All she had to do was say ‘hey, did you go to this summer camp when you were eight where you spent the whole time making friends with this gloomy blonde girl? Well, that was me!’ It’d be so easy, and then everything would be fixed; surely that would make Nicole remember. But try as she might, she couldn’t get the words out.

“...It’s short for Jessica, obvi,” was the only response she could muster.

It didn’t feel real. She didn’t want to be here anymore, or anywhere for that matter. She heard Nicole make another snarky comment that she couldn’t quite make out, as well as herself laughing in response. The world around her was swirling, as she tried to recollect herself. No, she could do this. She didn’t need Nicole to remember her. She was fine before they’d met, and she’d been fine all alone after. She was still her, and Nicole was still Nicole, even if she’d changed, even if she never smiled the same way she used to. She could make this happen again. Fate had put Nicole within arms reach for a second time; all Jecka had to do was make Nicole hers again, and this time she wasn’t going to let go.

Chapter Text

Despite not seeing each other for almost ten years, Jecka and Nicole clicked almost as quickly as they had that summer. Even if Nicole didn’t remember her, their chemistry was undeniably still there. Despite the brunette having traded her enormous smile and infectious laughter for a permanent scowl and a seemingly endless amount of snide comments, beneath it all Jecka could tell she hadn’t completely changed. Her mischievousness, sense of adventure and excitable nature were all intact, just channelled into an apparent desire to ruin the lives of as many people as possible. Just like when they were kids, she was constantly dragging Jecka into her plotting, and despite the blonde's reservations, she couldn’t help but give in when she saw that familiar glint in Nicole’s eye.

With how fast they had clicked back together, Jecka was able to convince herself that she was okay with the brunette not remembering their time together. After all, that seemingly impossible promise had been fulfilled, whether Nicole knew it or not, and they had forever to get to know each other properly. The pair quickly became inseparable, whether that was sitting in the back of the classroom together as they mocked their teachers and classmates, skipping to go to the mall, drinking and messing with the guys at Kelly’s parties or just getting high in one of their rooms. It even got to the point that midway through their junior year rumours started floating around that they were dating. Nicole seemed to find the whole thing hilarious - after she’d broken Crispin’s arm for somehow simultaneously congratulating and hitting on them.

Unfortunately, the rumours weren’t as funny for Jecka as they were for the brunette.The affection and admiration she’d had for Nicole as a child had long since evolved into complete infatuation. Every day, all she could think about was Nicole, and it took all her energy to try and behave normally around her. But now that every single asshole in their school thought it was the most hilarious thing ever to call them slurs after failing pathetically to hit on them, she was more self conscious than ever about her feelings showing through. She was scared of what would happen if they found out it was true; how much worse the harassment would become. Even worse than that was what Nicole would think - right now the whole idea was an amusing joke to her, but if she found out how Jecka truly felt… she was too scared to even think of the look of disgust Nicole would give her if she ever discovered the truth.

So Jecka buried her feelings. They were just friends. Friends who shared smokes, friends who sat drinking alone at the back of a party, friends who shared a bed when one of them was too high to go home. She knew she was Nicole’s number one, and that was more than enough for her. It’s not like the self-proclaimed sociopath even bothered enough to try with anyone else for there to even be a chance of her losing that position. Even if, god forbid, Nicole started dating a guy, Jecka knew her best friend would put her first without question, and she didn’t care how narcissistic the thought sounded - she knew it was true. She knew everything about Nicole, and no one was taking her place.
____________________

“So, I have a girlfriend now.”

Nicole’s singular, offhand comment, spoken almost like an afterthought between drags, struck Jecka to her core. What the fuck? Nicole was dating someone, and it was a girl??? Who the fuck was this bitch? When did this happen? How had she heard none of this before??

“What the fuck? You? Dating?” Jecka forced a laugh, trying her best to keep control of her voice. “Who’s the poor girl so I can apologise to her?”

“Fuck off bitch,” Nicole sneered before taking another drag and breathing out a thick cloud of smoke. “It’s what's her name; the redhead with the horrible box dye.”

“...You don’t even know your girlfriend's name??” Jecka asked incredulously as she snatched the cigarette out of Nicole’s hand, ignoring her complaints. “It’s Ari, by the way. If you can’t even be bothered to remember that why the fuck would you even date her??”

“If you gave me another minute I would’ve gotten it,” Nicole moaned. “And what’s it to you? She asked me out and trying out being gay for a bit sounded fun. Plus, I wanna see how much I can get away with before she’s had enough.”

“I… just wow, Nicole. I’m not even sure what I expected from you,” Jecka replied blanky, staring daggers at her friend who reciprocated in kind.

“What the fuck is wrong with you today bitch? Since when do you care about what I’m doing like this? It’s fucking annoying,” Nicole growled, her frustration clear in her tone; she’d grown so used to Jecka’s blind support for her shitty behaviour that she obviously didn’t know how to react to the pushback.

“Maybe it’s just a little less entertaining to me when instead of toying with any of the scumbag guys here you wake up and decide you want to play with the heart of a poor gay girl who’s done NOTHING to you,” Jecka replied furiously, her voice slowly raising as she got increasingly upset, fueled by a mixture of jealousy and sympathy for Ari.

“She’s done nothing to me? She stole my depression excuse!! Do you even listen to me at all?” Nicole was yelling now, the look on her face making it clear that she was somehow taking her own ridiculous argument seriously; as if another girl claiming to be suicidal to get out of homework was the worst thing in the world.

“OH MY FUCKING GOD NICOLE CAN’T YOU JUST BE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING FOR ONCE?? WHY IS YOUR FIRST INSTINCT AT LITERALLY ANY ANNOYANCE TO RUIN SOMEONE’S LIFE? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU SINCE-” Jecka was screaming now, the cigarette in her hand long forgotten as it burned closer towards her fingertips, only catching herself as she felt tears welling in the corner of her eyes. She had to get out of here; she couldn’t cry in front of Nicole, so she cut herself off as she turned to escape. “Nope I can’t do this, I’m going. See you later Nicole.”

“SERIOUSLY???” She heard Nicole yell frantically behind her as Jecka marched away to her car, refusing to turn back and acknowledge her best friend.

She barely made it into the driver’s seat before she completely broke down into a sobbing mess.
____________________

Jecka never meant for their argument to blow up as much as it did, but in the end it took over a month before the pair spoke to each other again. In the meantime, Jecka was left completely alone, aside from the occasional lunch where Kelly decided to sit with her uninvited and talk her ear off. Nicole on the other hand had her new girlfriend to play with, and from what Jecka could tell, seemed completely unphased by the whole thing. It pissed her off how little their fall out seemed to matter to the brunette, how little it felt like she mattered to Nicole.

It didn’t help that no matter where she went, she constantly seemed to run into Nicole and Ari; apparently a year of spending nearly every waking moment together had led to them developing similar tastes in hangout spots. Jecka quickly found out that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting towards the emo girl no matter where they were.

She watched in horror as the brunette slowly twisted the initially awkward but enthusiastic redhead into her meek, obedient pet; following Nicole around quietly and doing literally anything she asked. Jecka felt a little bad for Ari, alongside shock at the new low Nicole had reached in her search for new and exciting forms of sadistic entertainment. For the first time, she found herself questioning if the Nicole she’d known as a child was still in there at all. Maybe she’d let her crush get the better of her, blinding her to how much Nicole had really changed.

No. She knew the Nicole she remembered was still a part of the current Nicole, she’d seen it. Their friendship was proof of it, and despite how horrible she was normally, she could be weirdly sweet sometimes. She refused to believe that her best friend was too far gone; the kind, wonderful parts of her that Jecka knew had to be there still, no matter how warped they’d become.

The one thing Jecka couldn’t excuse was Nicole dating a girl, or as she’d so nicely put it, ‘trying out being a lesbian’. If Nicole had been open to that this whole time… Why couldn’t she have chosen her? Jecka really had accepted that it would never happen, but that was when she’d thought that she didn’t have a shot at all. Now that she knew Nicole was, at the very least, willing to date a woman, it was a huge hit to her pride that she apparently hadn’t even been a consideration. Even if it was some weird revenge sadist thing, Nicole was still more willing to date a girl she’d only ever seen as a nuisance than her. Jecka begrudgingly admitted to herself that it was probably a good thing; a new reason to continue seeing herself together with Nicole as an impossibility, to convince herself that everything was fine.

Then, on an otherwise unassuming Tuesday, Nicole sat down across from Jecka in the cafeteria and stared at her; and suddenly it was all over for the blonde. She felt pathetic; literally one glance was all it had taken for her to fall right back on Nicole’s hook.

“Hey,” the brunette muttered cautiously, carefully watching Jecka and studying her reactions. “Been a while.”

Jecka wanted so badly to dive across the table, pull Nicole into a hug and never let go again, but she had to play it cool. She wasn’t going to humiliate herself or give Nicole an inch before she knew what exactly was going on. “Thought you’d be sitting with your little girlfriend still. What happened; did she finally get sick of you or something?”

Nicole went silent for a few seconds, an annoyed look flickering across her face before she finally replied. “Yeah, she dumped me. Honestly, I didn’t expect it to last this long, but at the same time like…” her voice drifted off before she muttered something inaudibly.

“What was that?” Jecka smirked, taking some enjoyment in how uncomfortable this conversation was clearly making Nicole.

“I don’t know, it fucking sucks, okay??” Nicole moaned, flopping down onto the table dramatically. “It’s not like I want to get back with her or anything but I guess I feel like, bad or something. When she dumped me she said that I ‘scared her out of dating women ever again’, like what the fuck? Way to put your bullshit on me, bitch.”

“I feel like it’s pretty fair for her to put that on you,” Jecka’s eyes narrowed, her voice tense as she tried to keep her annoyance at Nicole’s whining from showing. “You abused her to the point that even though she has literally no other options as well as being like, the definition of codependency, she still managed to bring herself to dump you. You took your shit way too far this time and you know it.”

“No fucking shit, I just wasn’t expecting to feel bad about it, that literally never happens. Maybe you were right, I shouldn’t have done this to a girl. But whatever, it happened and now it’s done.”

Nicole lifted her head to grin at her, and Jecka felt her heart skip a beat. “Anyway, it’s over for good now; so can we be friends again? It’s boring as fuck around here without you.”

Jecka wanted to give in so badly, to tell Nicole exactly what she wanted to hear and forgive her, just like that. But no matter how much control the emo girl had over her thoughts, she had to make it clear, both to herself and to Nicole, that she refused to be a pushover.

“Apologise to Ari first.”

“What??” Nicole said, a confused look on her face as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard Jecka properly.

“You heard me. Apologise to Ari for abusing her, and tell her she shouldn’t give up on dating women just because you’re a piece of shit. Then we can be friends again.” Jecka replied as coldly as she could manage with her brain racing a hundred miles an hour. “It’ll be good for you too as well, Nicole. You said you were feeling bad? This is what you do.”

“UGHHHHHH, whatever MOM,” Nicole complained as she stood up. “Fine, apology then you’re ditching with me, okay? I’m gonna need some fries after this.”

“Sure, sure, i’ll meet you at my car,” Jecka snickered, doing her best to conceal her smile as she watched her friend trudge away in search of Ari, finishing her lunch before getting up and heading towards the parking lot.
____________________

The rest of the year passed in what felt like an instant for the duo now that they were back together. Nicole was still dragging Jecka into her messes, but ever since the whole Ari thing she’d at least promised to keep her anger directed at men - a promise she’d actually managed to keep for the most part, aside from her apparent need to try and make Megan’s life hell at any chance she got.

In the end, their fight had only served to bring the two closer. Nicole finally opened up about her past, and Jecka was finally able to put together how the Nicole she had known as a kid had become the Nicole she knew now. The brunette told her about how her parents divorced when she was really young, but she’d been close with both of them until her mother had started a pattern of rushing into marriages, before getting divorced just as quickly and moving across the country. When Nicole started getting upset about their situation, her mom had only yelled at her for being ungrateful. Eventually Nicole’s behaviour had only gotten worse and worse to the point where her mom could barely stand being around her, so Nicole had turned to her dad for support, especially because they’d moved back to their hometown and she could see him in person. But then he’d killed himself and blamed her, and Nicole lost the last supportive adult in her life.

After hearing that story and watching Nicole struggle to maintain her stone-faced facade, Jecka couldn’t stop herself from pulling her best friend into a tight hug as she promised that she’d never abandon her. That if Nicole ever needed anything, she would be there to help. That Nicole was and would always be the most important person to her.

Nicole wordlessly pulled herself further into the blonde's arms, and for the first time since they’d come back into each other's lives, Jecka heard her best friend cry.
____________________

It happened at one of Kelly’s parties.

After graduation, the ditzy girl had excitedly thrown together what she’d called ‘the biggest party ever thrown in Virginia,’ which, considering the level of chaos and destruction that occurred regularly at her events, was a worrying description. It made sense why she was going all out this time; it was probably the last time everyone in their year would be all together before people left for college, work, or whatever they were moving on to. Jecka herself was leaving in a week for college in Florida, and Nicole was coming with her. They’d made a promise to move away together, soon after they started talking again. Any time Jecka asked her what she’d do with herself after they moved, Nicole would just dismissively tell her not to worry and that she’d “work it out,” a response that stressed the blonde out to no end.

The pair hadn’t originally planned to go to Kelly’s party, but at the last second they’d realised this might be their last opportunity for who knows how long to see the people they actually kind of cared about, like Emily, Ari and Karen. It was also, at least in Nicole’s case, one last chance to fuck with everyone she hated. One last night of fun before they finally got out of this hellhole and could move forward with their lives.

And then they kissed.

It hadn’t been her intention, but high on whatever Emily had handed her as a parting gift and tipsy off of the shitty wine coolers she’d brought with her, Jecka had impulsively reached over and pulled Nicole into a kiss. She was shocked at how passionately the brunette responded, leaning into it as Jecka pushed her into a wall. It wasn’t long before the pair made their way up to one of the countless bedrooms in Kelly’s family's mansion, their lips barely parting as they stumbled up the staircase and towards the bed.

“Are you sure you want this?” Nicole asked as she pulled away and threw her jumper off before pushing Jecka onto the bed.

Jecka grinned as she reached up to pull the brunette’s top over her head. “Fuck yes.”

***

Jecka’s head was pounding as she finally managed to wrench her eyes open. She didn’t know what time it was, but the light from outside felt nearly blinding. She laid there, reflecting on the night before and smiling to herself. Finally, she’d taken the step; she’d gotten her feelings across to Nicole, and now they could be together, just as they were moving away to start their new lives.

“Good morning beautiful,” she sang as she rolled over, before her heart dropped into her stomach.

The bed was empty; Nicole was nowhere to be seen; she hadn’t even bothered to wait for Jecka to wake up before leaving.
____________________

“I’ve gotta run, band practice in twenty at Sarah’s. Are we still getting dinner or what?” Nicole asked, as she hopped up out of bed and got dressed, leaving Jecka to lay there dazed, recovering from the workout she’d just endured.

“S-sure,” Jecka replied foggily, before realising what was going on and pulling herself together. “No, wait. Before you go can we just like, talk about this for a second Nicole?”

“About what?” Nicole replied dismissively.

Jecka hated it when the brunette talked to her like that. Nicole knew exactly what she was talking about, she just very much didn’t want to have that conversation. “About us. This keeps happening Nicole, how many times do we need to sleep together before we can sit down and work out what this is?”

Nicole sighed as she finished pulling her tank top over her head and turned back to look at Jecka, rolling her eyes. “What else is there to talk about? Friends with benefits, right? Nothing more, nothing less.”

Even though she’d expected them, Nicole’s words still felt like a knife had been plunged straight into Jecka’s heart. She didn’t know how to argue back; Nicole was right after all, the brunette hadn’t hidden anything from her. She wished that she’d said no, that she’d stayed strong and refused this kind of relationship, but after kissing her at that party over a year ago, she hadn’t been able to keep her overflowing feelings in check.

They’d been like this ever since; making out at parties and sleeping together pretty much every week. She’d once again tried to fool herself that it was all she needed, and that there wasn’t much difference between a girlfriend and a best friend that you slept with. But, just as always when it came to Nicole, Jecka always needed more.

She knew she could just cut it off now; she could tell Nicole that she couldn’t do this anymore, that if she wanted to keep sleeping together they’d have to take this seriously.

But Jecka was scared that she’d lose Nicole forever if she did that.

Ever since they’d moved to Florida, Nicole had been thriving. She had friends, she was in a band, she had a reliable bartending gig; she honestly had more of a life here than Jecka did. As she struggled with the change, Jecka realised that a part of her had liked how aimless Nicole had been before, and had hoped that living together would only make Nicole even more reliant on her.

But it was the complete opposite; no matter how hard she tried, Jecka felt completely empty around anyone but Nicole; who in turn seemed to be only drifting further out of reach with each day. The situationship they had going on was the only way Jecka could make sure Nicole would stick around; so she had to grit her teeth and bear the pain.

“Yeah, sorry. That was stupid. I’ll see you tonight,” she finally replied, turning away to hide her tears from Nicole, only receiving a grunt in response. Jecka laid there in silence, staring blankly at the wall until the door slammed shut, before breaking down into tears.
____________________

“I got a boyfriend.”

The spoon Nicole had been holding dropped out of her hand, falling into her bowl of cereal and splashing her chin with milk, making the dumbfounded face she was making while staring at Jecka look even more ridiculous. It almost made this whole thing worth it by itself.

“What the fuck? A boyfriend? Why the fuck would you do that???” Nicole squawked in disbelief as she lifted up her ratty top to wipe her chin.

“You better wash that top now or it’s gonna stink even more than it already does,” Jecka complained as she slumped down onto the couch across from the brunette. “And why wouldn’t I? I’m twenty-one, Nicole. It’s time for me to start thinking about the future a bit more.”

“Who is it?” Nicole asked, her tone carefully controlled, though Jecka could hear the undertones of annoyance.

“His name’s Ryan; we go to college together,” she replied nonchalantly, studying Nicole’s face for any hints of the jealousy she was so badly hoping for.

“Ryan Sheckler? Wow, congrats on living your dream, bitch. Not many of us get to date the awful crush we had as a teenager for real,” Nicole sneered sarcastically.

“Shut the fuck up Nicole, he’s not Ryan Sheckler. His last name is like, Thompson or something else generic. And you’ve definitely met him at some of the parties you’ve been to with me. He’s the blonde guy who really likes F1 or one of those other car racing things.”

“That guy?? He’s literally the most boring person I've ever met. You’re hot as fuck; you could have your pick of literally anyone and you pick that loser??”

“Watch it Nicole; he’s not a loser. He’s actually like, kind of nice. More than all those other guys anyway. And even if I wasn’t interested, do you see anyone else asking me out?” Jecka growled pointedly, glaring at Nicole, hoping she got the message. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We’re dating, and it’s really got nothing to do with you so can you just shut up and be supportive for once?”

Jecka knew she was dancing around saying that she liked Ryan, but she just couldn’t bring herself to utter the words. Sure; he was better than pretty much every other guy she’d run into, not that that was a high bar. As far as things went, he wasn’t the worst future she could imagine for herself. She honestly wasn’t sure if she even liked men, but the idea of coming out as gay and dating a woman was so much scarier. The only woman worth dealing with all of that judgement and discrimination for was Nicole; so if it wasn’t her, a rich guy like Ryan would have to do. At the very least she’d get to live the luxurious lifestyle they’d always joked about. First and foremost though, she was using him to make Nicole jealous enough to take her feelings seriously, desperately hoping that the brunette would ask her to dump him and date her instead.

“How does it not have anything to do with me when we’re literally fucking every week?? What happens with that now?” Nicole’s face lit up incredulously, the girl clearly struggling to process what Jecka was saying.

“What do you mean- ugh, I can’t with you,” Jecka groaned exasperatedly as she pinched her nose. “I’m in a relationship, Nicole. That means that whatever this was, it’s over. You’re still my best friend, but we’re not doing this anymore.”

Nicole sat there silently for a few seconds, her scowl more intense than Jecka had ever witnessed, before putting down her bowl and sliding across the couch towards the blonde.

That’s it. Please realise. Realise that we should be together.

“Is that what you really want?” She whispered, placing her hand softly on Jecka’s thigh, slowly drifting further upwards. “Cause your eyes have been telling another story.”

Jecka whimpered at Nicole’s touch as her body instinctively leaned into the brunette’s grasp.
She knew she shouldn’t; it wasn’t meant to go like this. She was supposed to be standing her ground, reclaiming control of the situation as she finally set a boundary with Nicole, but here she was playing right back into her grasp. She’d told herself again and again that no matter what, their casual relationship was ending here; whether they got together for real or not. But she couldn’t help but feel herself melt at Nicole’s touch.

“You can keep that dumbass boyfriend of yours,” Nicole continued, now whispering directly into Jecka’s ear; she shuddered at the feeling of the brunette’s breath. “But I’m the most important person to you, right? You promised, remember? So why would we stop, when we both clearly want this?”

She did. Jecka wanted this so bad. What was left of the logical part of her screaming at her to pull away, but her body was on fire, desperate with need. If she let Nicole have her way here, it was all over. She’d lose the only card that she had left, and the brunette would know that even dating someone else wouldn’t loosen the grasp she had on Jecka’s entire being; but with every second she could feel her resistance fading.

“If I’m wrong and you don’t want this as much as I can tell you do, all you need to do is say stop, and It’ll never-”

Nicole couldn’t finish her sentence before Jecka pushed her down onto the couch and kissed her. She could feel the corners of Nicole’s lips curving upwards into a smile, which only fueled her anger as she grabbed the back of Nicole’s head, pulling her in further. She didn’t care that she was throwing away the only power she had left here; she needed this, needed Nicole. It was far too late for anything else to matter.

“One last time,” Jecka lied, attempting to convince herself more than Nicole. “Then this is over for good.

Nicole only laughed in response before pulling Jecka down into another kiss.
____________________

Jecka knew Nicole would have laughed at how pathetic she looked, sitting alone at a corner table by herself at her own 26th birthday party. If only she’d actually been here to do it, maybe Jecka wouldn’t have been feeling like absolute shit. It’d been three months since Nicole had said a single word to her; the longest they’d been apart since their spat over Ari in high school. Compared to the nine years they’d been apart as kids it should’ve been laughable, but the pain and loneliness she Jecka felt now made all of that seem like a cakewalk.

She really had begun to believe that the two of them were going to be intertwined forever. Each time they met up Jecka would say it was the last, only to go straight back to Nicole at the next opportunity. Whenever she tried to pull away and move on from Nicole, the brunette managed to rope her back in. Over time, she’d finally accepted that she was never going to be strong enough to pull herself away from Nicole, and forced herself to enjoy their twisted relationship for what it was; and so their years-long fling continued.

The pattern the two of them had fallen into had quickly become a game as things continued to escalate. Jecka and Ryan would get more serious, she’d tell Nicole she couldn’t do this anymore, and Nicole would dig her claws in tighter, refusing to let go. It had gotten to the point where Jecka was pushing her relationship forward just for material to use to keep Nicole’s attention trained on her. But that day, it’d gone a step too far.

Ryan proposed. It hadn’t been anything special; there were no big spectacles or romantic moments like Jecka had always dreamed of. Instead, Ryan had half-heartedly proposed in the middle of dinner at a restaurant that he would’ve known she hated if he ever actually listened.

But Jecka had said yes anyway. They’d been together for just over four years now, and it’s not like there were really any issues between them; at least aside from Jecka’s cheating. Sure, the slight bit of fire she’d once felt had been long since extinguished and the couple had settled into a monotonous pattern, every interaction between them essentially scripted to the last word; but at least they weren’t like her parents. She might feel nothing for Ryan and their underwhelming relationship, but she was sure he’d never do to her any of the awful things she’d seen her father do to her mom.

This engagement was just the next step. That’s just what you do, Jecka had told herself; you find a guy who isn’t awful, date for a while, get married, and live quietly together for the rest of your lives.

This is normal, and that means everything’s fine.

But of course, there was always another reason behind her choices; Nicole. Like always, she’d looked forward to seeing Nicole’s frustrated expression when she told her, as well as what they’d get up to afterwards. Jecka barely felt any guilt for cheating on Ryan anymore; he never paid enough attention to her to notice what was happening right beneath his nose, and it’s not like he made her feel one bit as alive as she felt with Nicole anyway.

The next day, right after he left to go hang out with friends, Jecka drove straight to Nicole’s place to tell her the news, a gleeful look on her face as she ran through her usual spiel about how they couldn’t keep this going, how it was unfair to her fiance and she didn’t want to keep lying to him, all the while imagining what they would be doing in just a few minutes.

But instead of biting back as she always did, Nicole sat there silently, even long after Jecka had trailed off. Finally, she uttered two words:

“Get out.”

Jecka hadn’t heard a single word from Nicole in the months since. She was confused and upset, angry and hurt, trying to understand what had happened. What the hell had been the difference this time? A ring? A wedding? It’s not like it changed anything about their little game. Jecka had no intention of putting an end to their trysts; and it was Nicole herself who’d made it very clear that she had no interest in anything beyond a physical relationship. So what the fuck was that?

Now it was the night of her 26th birthday party, and Jecka was praying more than ever that Nicole would show up. Nicole had never missed her birthday before, and despite everything, they were still the most important people to each other. Jecka just hoped that Nicole saw it the same way she did. It was lonely without her.

Plenty of people had shown up; colleagues, friends from her college days, even some people she still knew from high school had managed to make the trip. By all means it should have been an amazing night; but between the basic pleasantries, repetitive conversations about her engagement, and the lack of Nicole’s presence Jecka couldn’t help but feel empty.

“Well if your asshole fiance isn’t gonna keep you company, I’ll just have to do it for him.”

Jecka looked up from her drink to see Karen sitting down next to her, a soft smile on her face. Most of the guests had been swimming around the venue from conversation to conversation, but until now Karen had spent the whole night stuck to Emily, who’d accompanied her. Jecka was thankful to get the chance to chat alone with her best friend outside of Nicole. They’d reconnected towards the end of high school, and had spent the years since exchanging book recommendations and video chatting long into the night. Karen had gotten so much more confident since their school days, and she looked absolutely stunning in her velvet green cocktail dress.

“Don’t worry, I prefer your company way more than his,” Jecka laughed half-heartedly. “Honestly if he were here he’d probably just make it worse.”

“He’s such a dick, no offense,” Karen said annoyedly as she wrapped her arm around Jecka’s shoulder. “I know you guys are engaged and everything - congrats again by the way - but he’s just like… I don’t know. It just sucks that it's your freaking birthday but I’ve only seen him beside you once all night, does that make sense? I hope it does.”

“I get you,” Jecka leaned into Karen and sighed. “And I mean yeah, that’d be nice, but I’ll survive. Men are all monsters anyway, so you may as well pick one of the least awful ones, right?”

“Honestly I’m surprised you even ended up with a guy; I kind of figured it’d be Nicole. You guys always seemed like you were meant for each other to me.”

“That ship sailed a while ago,” Jecka muttered, taking a big sip of her cocktail. “Besides, she won’t even talk to me anymore. I’m probably never gonna see her again.”

“...Jecka, you know she’s here, right?” Karen asked, turning to stare at her confusedly.

What?? Nicole’s… here? And she didn’t even let me know?

Jecka pulled away from her friend in shock; she didn’t want to believe what she’d just heard, but there was no way Karen would have lied about this, and Nicole was way too distinct of a presence for her to mistake anyone else for her.

Unbelievable.

Ghosting her had been one thing, but the audacity Nicole had to show up to her birthday and not even say hello? She hadn’t even bothered to send her a fucking text to say she’d be here. Jecka wasn’t having any of this; once she’d tracked the brunette down she was going to make Nicole regret even showing up. She sat up straight and steeled her gaze, doing her best to hide the rage she was feeling as she turned to look at Karen again. “Where did you see her?”

“Well she was over by the bar before. I stopped to say hi before coming to sit with you,” Karen babbled thoughtfully, looking upwards as she tried to retrace her path mentally. “That would’ve been about ten minutes ago? So hopefully she hasn’t gone too far; she looked pretty comfy with her date so I’d say there’s a good chance they haven’t moved.”

“...Date?” Jecka asked, a dangerous undertone to her voice. Now that definitely couldn’t be true; Nicole didn’t date. There had to be some kind of mistake; maybe Nicole had just been talking to someone and Karen, ever the romantic, had just assumed they were together.

“Yeah! Nicole introduced me and everything, they looked really cute together! Honestly I’m happy for her; I hope it works-” Karen fell silent suddenly, cut off as Jecka stood up wordlessly and quickly downed the rest of her drink before starting to walk away in the direction of the bar. “Jecka? Is everything okay?”

Jecka didn’t bother replying, instead marching single-mindedly towards her destination, too angry to think properly. She should just leave it; who cares what Nicole was up to? The brunette had made it pretty clear that it had nothing to do with her. But just thinking about Nicole was making Jecka’s heart ache and her blood boil. She couldn’t help herself; she needed to talk to her, to understand what had happened between them. She needed Nicole to tell her that Karen was wrong and that she wasn’t seeing someone. Because if she was… why had Jecka spent the last nine years learning to accept that the relationship they had was all it would ever be? For the first time since Nicole had told her about Ari all those years ago, a thought reappeared in Jecka’s mind.

Why couldn’t you have chosen me?

She recognised Nicole instantly as she closed in on the bar. Between the messy ponytail exposing her undercut, loose tank top, and the tattoos littering her arms she cut a striking figure; standing out even more than usual amongst the other fancily dressed guests. Jecka’s heart sank as her eyes fell on the mousey girl standing beside Nicole; she couldn’t remember the girl's name, but she recognised her right away as the vocalist from Nicole’s band. She really had brought someone with her.

“Oh, Jecka, hey!” Nicole smiled, noticing Jecka right away as she reached the bar. “Come have a drink with us, they’re free apparently!”

“They’re ‘free’ because we’re paying for them Nicole,” Jecka growled unamusedly, folding her arms as she glowered at the brunette. “How about you tell me what the fuck you’re doing?!”

“What are you talking about?? We’ve been right here since we arrived,” Nicole answered confusedly.

“‘We’, huh?” Jecka spat, her tone dripping with venom. Fuck, this wasn’t good; he could feel the alcohol getting to her, fueling her rage, but she didn’t care anymore. All she wanted to do was scream at Nicole until it made the whirlwind of emotions writhing in her brain disappear. “That’s a great place to start. You don’t talk to me for MONTHS and then you show up to my birthday out of nowhere? And with a date???”

“What the fuck are you talking about?? YOU invited me, and the invitation said I could bring a plus one,” Nicole snapped as she stood up, clearly shaken by Jecka’s visible fury. “So what the fuck is your problem??”

“That’s not the problem and you know it, bitch,” Jecka growled, stepping closer to Nicole and pressed an accusatory finger against her chest. “What, are you trying to use her to get back at me or something? That has to be it right? Why else would you show up here WITHOUT A WORD?”

“Nicole? What’s she talking about?” her date interjected confusedly, sitting there awkwardly as she tried to follow the argument.

“Sar-” Nicole started before she was cut off by Jecka pushing past her.

“Oh don’t you worry your pretty little head about it,” Jecka sneered at the other girl. “In fact, let me give you a few pointers with her, okay babe? She reallyyyyyy likes it when-”

“OKAY, OKAY JECKA, STOP!!” Nicole panicked as she interrupted Jecka and grabbed her hand before flashing her date an apologetic glance as she started pulling her away. “I’m so fucking sorry Sarah, just let me sort whatever this is out with her and then I’ll be back, okay?”

“Oooookay?” Sarah replied, more lost than ever as she sat there watching the only person she knew leave her to fend for herself. Jecka couldn’t help but look back and poke her tongue out at the confused girl before Nicole caught her attention back.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying, but let’s find somewhere quiet to do this,” Nicole whispered cautiously as she pulled Jecka along with her, ignoring her complaints. “If you keep losing your shit out here everyone’s going to find out about you cheating on your fiance, and I don’t think you want that.”

“It’s your fault anyway,” Jecka murmured stubbornly, and the only response from Nicole was a frustrated groan as the two made their way to a quiet room away from the main function area.

Once they arrived, Nicole made Jecka sit down, taking a swig of a drink she must have brought with her as she sat down on the couch beside her. The slight flush in the brunette's cheeks was only made clearer by the room's warm lighting, and Jecka could tell that the glass hadn’t been her first tonight.

“Okay, let’s talk. Can you tell me what the fuck your problem actually is?” Nicole groaned in frustration, breaking the awkward silence.

“What?? I told you my problem pretty clearly, are you dumb??” Jecka laughed incredulously. “So cut the bullshit and EXPLAIN YOURSELF. You ghost me for months before showing up at my birthday without a single word, AND you bring some fucking bitch to what? Make me jealous??”

“Don’t fucking call her that,” Nicole snapped. “Besides, I can date whoever I want, it’s got nothing to do with you; get over yourself for once.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s got nothing to do with me; you just happened to bring her to my birthday on impulse,” Jecka sneered mockingly. “Don’t even try that bullshit with me Nicole; do you have ANY idea how I’ve felt the last few months? Does what we have mean nothing to you??”

“THERE IS NO ‘WE’ JECKA!” Nicole roared, slamming her empty glass on the table before shooting up out of her chair. “YOU. ARE. ENGAGED. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? NOT TRY TO MOVE ON?”

“FUCK YOU, NICOLE. ARE YOU SAYING THIS IS MY FAULT? HOW DOES THE ENGAGEMENT CHANGE ANYTHING? WHETHER OR NOT I’M MARRIED TO HIM IT’S STILL CHEATING, AND I’M FINE WITH THAT. SO WHERE’S THE ISSUE?”

“It’s just… It’s different. It changes things,” Nicole mumbled as she slumped back down, the fire fuelling her voice vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. “Ugh, I can’t do this right now. We just have to stop, okay? That’s all there is to say.”

“...You’re lying. It’s not that something changed; you just hate that I’m getting married, don’t you?” Jecka asked carefully as the pieces in her head clicked together. The sudden flicker in Nicole’s eyes all but confirmed it, giving Jecka the confidence to press forward. “Say it then. Tell me you don’t want me to get married. Tell me you want me to leave him.”

Nicole sat there quietly for a few moments, and Jecka could see the war of emotions going on inside her printed across her face; she was so easy to read sometimes. Eventually she opened her mouth, her face and voice completely emotionless. “I don’t have anything to say; if that’s what you want to do, go do it. Congrats on getting the life you always wanted.”

It took everything Jecka had left in her to not scream in frustration and start breaking things. Nicole could NOT be serious. Finally she’d gotten one up on Nicole; she finally had a tool that got to her, but still she couldn’t get the answer she’d always wanted. Even now, Nicole stubbornly refused to look her way.

Whatever. Even if that didn’t work, Nicole’s reaction was more than enough to show Jecka that she could use this to keep the brunette within her grasp.

“Fine, but I’m still not happy with how everything is right now, and you aren’t either, are you? So just stop throwing your little tantrum and kiss me, bitch. I know you want to; you’ve had your eyes on my lips the whole time we’ve been up here,” Jecka smirked seductively and leaned in towards Nicole, seizing her chance to finally take control of the mess between them. “Or, you can just tell me to fuck off, go back out there to your little girlfriend, and we never have to see each other again.”

Jecka’s grin continued to grow as she watched Nicole attempt to process the situation, her confidence clearly wavering. After a few seconds of silence, Jecka slid closer again, almost directly on top of Nicole this time, and grabbed the emo girl by her top. “Fine, I’ll do it for you.”

Nicole squeaked as Jecka kissed her, but it only took a second for her to reciprocate, wrapping her arms around Jecka and pulling her in tighter. They had never been gentle with each other, but this time the forcefulness was on a whole other level, Jecka desperately fueled by the need to make Nicole hers again.

“Je-Jecka, we need to stop, people are gonna be looking for you soon,” Nicole gasped as she pushed away from the blonde.

“I promise that no one’s even noticed that I’m gone,” Jecka laughed before pinning her best friend down. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me you’re not done with me. I don’t give a fuck that I’m engaged; I NEED this. I need you, Nicole.”

“I… I need this too, Jecka,” Nicole faltered, pulling the blonde into a hug. “But please not right now; Sarah’s still out there, and your fiance… this is insane.”

“Fuck both of them” Jecka growl, as Nicole’s eyes widened in surprise. “Honestly, we could do it in our living room and Ryan wouldn’t notice. And what about Sarah? You got what you wanted, right? I’m pissed and I want you, so break up with her; and don’t you EVER flaunt another bitch in front of me again.”

“That’s not- ugh, whatever. Fine, I’ll dump her,” Nicole sighed exasperatedly before yelping in surprise as Jecka bit down into her neck.

“Good,” Jecka lifted her head up and grinned before passionately kissing the brunette again, taking pride in how easily she’d gotten her to give in. “Now come on, let’s get out of here.”

“What? You can’t just ditch your own party Jecka, everyone’s here for you,” Nicole mumbled as she caught her breath before making another embarrassingly high pitched squeal as Jecka grabbed her by the hand and led her out of the room.

“Fuck this party, fuck all of them, and especially fuck Ryan,” Jecka growled as they made their way down the stairs. “I already told you Nicole; none of them are going to notice, and I just need forget all of that exists for one fucking night. Right now, all that matters is you and me.”

Jecka could feel a part of her dying in that moment; the voice in the back of her brain that had held out hope for her and Nicole’s future together, begging her to stop and reconsider what she was doing as it withered away.

Why are you doing this?? This isn’t what you want, you idiot!!!

It didn’t take long for the futile pleas to fade out, smothered by the resigned acceptance she had for her situation. She may never truly have Nicole’s heart, but she’d die before she let go of everything else. Nicole was hers, and she’d always be hers; no matter what shape their relationship had to take.

Chapter Text

If Nicole Yu could choose one word to describe herself, it would be ‘coward’.

She hated herself for that. She was supposed to be the one who made people scared; the type of girl who wouldn’t back down to a fault. The type of girl who would rather everyone think she was insane than not say exactly how much of a disgusting piece of shit a guy was to their face. Yet when it came to her feelings for Jecka, Nicole had never been able to stop herself from running away.

It started on the first day of junior year, just after moving to a new state for the twentieth time. She’d moved so many times that she’d become numb to the process. It didn’t matter what she did, how she treated people, whether they liked her or not; either way she wouldn’t be here for long. Even if her mom finally decided to stay put, she was getting out of here as soon as she graduated. It’d only taken a single morning of dealing with the annoying guys trying to get in her pants for her to write the place off as a predator breeding ground; at least until Nicole saw her.

A blonde girl, sitting in the back of one of Nicole’s classes, staring vaguely into the distance as she ignored the chaos around her. Nicole felt a flicker of recognition as they briefly made eye contact, sparking the memory of a camp so many years ago, before her life had gone to shit. Before the mother who’d been by her side every second of the day started leaving her to fend for herself for weeks on end, before she’d given up on caring about anyone or anything, before her dad had offed himself and made sure the whole world knew it was because of her. Back when she smiled so much that thinking about it made her face ache, and right beside her was the girl she’d promised would be her best friend for the rest of their lives. A girl that had looked so, so similar to the otherworldly beauty before her.

She’d shaken her head and moved on, finding a seat as far away as possible and sighing as she slumped into her chair. There was no way it was her. Nicole’s life never worked out that nicely; this was just some cruel trick, rubbing one of her last happy memories in her face in an attempt to break her. But things like that could only hurt you if you let yourself care; Nicole had learned that lesson a million times over as she’d numbed herself to the world around her. Life couldn’t disappoint you if you expected it, people couldn’t let you down if you drove them away first, and nothing could hurt you if you’d already done ten times worse to yourself. She’d been living like that for years and it hadn’t let her down yet, and she wasn’t going to let some minor resemblance ruin everything she’d built up; at least until the blonde approached her in the cafeteria.

It was so long ago now that Nicole couldn’t remember what they’d talked about, only the feeling of pure panic that had overwhelmed her. She was used to feeling annoyed and angry at people who approached her out of nowhere, but nervous? That was new.

“I’m Jecka.”

Nicole remembered the jolt that hit her as she heard that unique, one of a kind name. The name she’d given the girl at that camp; the girl who was now standing in front of her. It would have been so simple for her to bring that up and ask Jecka if she remembered their time together as vividly as she did; to reconnect with her old friend after so long apart. But the twisting feeling in her stomach gave way to another new and much scarier feeling - fear.

Nicole knew she wasn’t the same kid Jecka had met back then. With anyone else she wouldn’t have cared about that one bit; she’d been forced to confront what the world was really like, and she’d become what she needed to be to survive in it. But for Jecka to know that the girl she’d met back then had become the monster standing before her… what if she was disappointed? What if Nicole couldn’t meet the expectations Jecka might have attached to their reunion?

Maybe it was better for them to start fresh; for any memories Jecka had of their time together to remain untarnished by what Nicole had become. So, she’d decided not to say anything, instead acting like it was their first meeting; taking her first step into a lifetime of cowardice.

The pair quickly slid back into being close, so close that it had started to worry Nicole how much Jecka’s feelings and opinions mattered to her. Even if she’d wanted to, she could barely bring herself to spare a thought for anyone else around her, but the second Jecka got mad at her Nicole was so wracked with nerves that she couldn’t sleep. The degree to which she was at the mercy of the blonde’s whims was aggravating, but Nicole just couldn’t help herself when the only time she even kind of enjoyed herself was around Jecka. So like anything else that was painful, she’d pushed it out of her mind.

Then Jecka kissed her, and all those little pieces finally clicked together. The feelings were overwhelming, hitting Nicole all at once as they broke through the layers of walls that had been building up for so long. She needed Jecka, needed her attention, her affection, her everything. Nicole realized why it was so lonely without her, and why she felt so uncomfortable whenever Jecka looked at anybody else. So she’d kissed her back, the two of them desperate and hungry to finally relieve the tension between them. It was the perfect night, right before the day Nicole ruined everything.

Nicole still hated herself so much for running away that morning, and for everything she’d done afterwards. She’d never wanted that kind of relationship and she’d known Jecka hadn’t wanted it either, at least at first. But Nicole knew who she was, and she was sure that if they dated for real, she’d have blown it up somehow. It could have been a week, it could have been a year, but Nicole was a ticking time bomb and at some point Jecka would have had enough. She didn’t deserve that. She deserved the world, and Nicole couldn’t give it to her; she’d never be able to. Even continuing their situationship had been greedy, far more than Nicole deserved; but she could never bring herself to fully let go. It didn’t matter anyway. She’d accepted that Jecka would move on at some point once she’d found someone better, and Nicole would be right there at her side to support her. No matter what happened, they’d be the most important person to each other.

But when it actually happened, Nicole felt something snap inside of her. She couldn’t handle the idea of Jecka being taken away from her. Why did some piece of shit get to swoop in and keep Jecka all to himself? Why had she been so FUCKING stupid, thinking that this would be fine?

Why couldn’t she have just stopped being scared for long enough to ask Jecka out in the first place?

Nicole had known she’d lost her chance, but still, she refused to let go. Jecka was hers; she’d always be hers. And even if Jecka had moved on romantically, Nicole could tell from the look in her eyes that she wasn’t over her physically; and she was willing to use that if it meant she could dig her claws into the blonde for just a little bit longer. It wasn’t Nicole’s proudest moment, but she’d long accepted what a pathetic person she was.

It took the engagement for it to finally hit home to Nicole what she was doing, how selfish and disgusting she was being to the one person in the world she cared about. She was a 25 year old still acting like a bratty teenager, taking advantage of her best friend as she clung to the idea of a relationship she’d thrown away her chance at long ago. It’d been fun, but Nicole realized she needed to move on; for herself and for Jecka. This time though it was Jecka who refused to let go, and Nicole was forced to face a horrifying realization - she had broken her best friend. All the lies and manipulation, every underhanded thing she’d selfishly done to keep Jecka close had ruined her best friend's chance at a normal relationship. All Nicole could think as Jecka had come onto her, refusing to let go the same way Nicole had done so many times, was that this was all her fault, and she would spend the rest of her life making up for it.

From then on, Nicole was Jecka’s. Whatever she needed, Nicole was there. Whenever she needed a distraction from her life, her marriage, or whatever else, Nicole would be that for her, in any way she could. She had never considered dating, or even seeing another woman, since that night; Jecka didn’t want that, she’d said as much, so that meant it was off the table. Being whatever Jecka wanted her to be was the only way Nicole could keep herself attached to the woman she loved more than life itself. Whatever Nicole needed to give of herself she would offer willingly, as long as it meant she could stay in Jecka’s life for an extra second; even if it left her with nothing left to give. They’d been entangled for so long that Nicole had forgotten what life was like without Jecka, and was far too afraid to let go and face it without her.

Even now, standing at the doorstep of Jecka’s sizeable two-storey home, Nicole could feel the emptiness dwelling inside of her. If it wasn’t for the love she held for the blonde she would have given up and let go a long time ago, but she owed it to Jecka to stick around and make up for everything she’d done; to bury her feelings and be whatever her best friend needed her to be. This was her punishment, and she’d long since accepted it.

*Ding Dong*

It didn’t take long for Nicole to hear someone running for the door, an excited and clumsy series of footsteps quickly getting louder and louder until it flew open and she was faced with a young child who looked so, so agonizingly like her mother. The child shrieked excitedly as she leapt towards Nicole who lifted her into a tight hug; hiding the pained expression painted across her face from view as she pulled the young girl in close.

“Aunty Nicole, you’re here!!!” Jecka’s five year old daughter squealed, and Nicole could only grimace sadly at the title, a reminder of the barrier that stood between her and the love of her life.

“Hey Isobel, long time no see.”

Chapter Text

“Aunty Nicole, you’re here!!!” Isobel squealed as she snuggled into Nicole’s chest, wrapping her little arms as far as she could around her neck.

“Hey Isobel, long time no see,” Nicole smiled weakly, trying her best to keep her emotions in check. At the very least, she couldn’t let the mask slip in front of Isobel; the kid deserved a shot at holding onto her innocence for as long as she could. Hopefully much longer than Nicole had been able to. “What’s been going on with you, sweetie?”

“I lost a tooth, look!!” the young girl babbled excitedly, pulling her mouth open to reveal a gap where one of her bottom front teeth should’ve been. “Mama said to leave it under my pillow for the tooth fairy, so I did and when I woke up it was gone!!!”

“Oh wow!” Nicole replied as enthusiastically as she could manage, holding Isobel securely as she stepped into the house and closed the door behind her. “And did she leave you anything for it?”

“YEAH! I got… uh… ten dollars!” Isobel smiled, stopping to think for a second before answering.

“Only ten?? She’s gotta be paying you more than that for those extra special teeth of yours,” Nicole teased, tickling Isobel as she walked until the girl started giggling uncontrollably. “You should leave a note demanding at least twenty for them next time.”

“Please don’t say that Nicole, you know she’ll do it if it’s you she’s hearing it from.”

Nicole looked up to see her best friend, if you could still label their relationship that, walking towards them. She looked tired. Every time Nicole saw Jecka she looked more worn out, the seemingly permanent bags under her eyes growing and her smiles becoming increasingly strained. Despite that, she was still the most beautiful, perfect thing Nicole had ever laid eyes on.

“Hey you,” Jecka sighed wearily, leaning in to hug Nicole. Once she was close enough for Isobel’s vision to be obscured, Jecka planted a soft kiss on Nicole’s neck, causing her to shudder.

Fuck.

If Jecka was antsy enough that she was willing to risk doing even that in front of her daughter, things must be bad. Nicole knew that her marriage had been struggling, even since before Isobel had been born. But lately every time she visited, their time together became less about enjoyment and more and more about Jecka’s desperate need for an escape. Nicole quickly shifted away from Jecka, staring at her intently as she mouthed “not now”. If there was one line she wouldn’t cross, it was allowing Isobel to find out about this.

Jecka’s face flickered with annoyance before returning to her tired smile as she continued. “How was your little trip?”

“It was a guest spot, not a fucking vacation; I wish,” Nicole moaned as she followed through to the living room. “I was so busy that I barely saw the sun outside the studio and after paying for the ink, needles, and my rent I have like, almost nothing to show for it.”

“Oh yeah, as if you get any sunlight in general,” Jecka snorted, smirking as she stared at Nicole’s exposed arms and her skin’s sickly shade of white; though you could barely tell through the littering of tattoos that left barely any of it exposed. “I thought the point of living right above your studio was so that you never had to go outside and could keep the whole vampire thing you’ve got going on.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nicole sighed before sitting down and letting Isobel loose, who in turn spun around on her lap and grabbed her hand, studying her Auntie’s tattoos and humming softly to herself as the two adults continued talking. “What about you? What’s been happening back here?”

“Nothing, Nicole; nothing ever happens,” Jecka replied blankly, before leaning in to tickle Isobel. “The only good thing is that I get to spend every day hanging out with this little gremlin. Speaking of; what would you like to do now that Auntie Nicole’s here, Izzy? You’re in charge until bedtime.”

Isobel sat up as she struggled to stop laughing, her eyes glowing with excitement as she squealed, “Tea party!!!”

“You heard the little lady, let’s get going,” Nicole looked at Jecka and grinned as Isobel sprinted towards her room, the two of them taking their time to get up and follow. As she was walking, Nicole felt Jecka grab her arm and cling to her, resting her head on the brunette's shoulder as the pair made their way through the hallway. Nicole was wary, but managed to convince herself that this was okay. Anything for just a little more time in Jecka’s arms.
____________________

It was uncomfortable being alone in this house, surrounded by family photos and mementos, all reminders that Jecka was someone else’s. Luckily for Nicole the moments she spent unaccompanied here were few and far between, but right now Jecka was putting her daughter to sleep after a long afternoon of excitement. In the meantime, Nicole had been left to her own devices, which would have amounted to her slumping down on the couch and fiddling with her phone while she waited; at least if it hadn’t died almost instantly. She probably should’ve expected this when she’d barely stopped home for twenty seconds before heading over to Jecka’s after her flight, but Nicole had never been the most organized.

There had to be a charger around here somewhere, Nicole figured. Normally she would’ve just waited until they moved upstairs to Jecka’s room, but depending on how stubborn Isobel was feeling tonight it could be a while before Jecka emerged. Nicole had figured it wouldn’t be a huge deal if she checked the drawers on the coffee table; figured that she knew Jecka so well that there wasn’t anything that would be so shocking that she couldn’t just pretend not to have seen.

But there was nothing that could have prepared her for that bracelet.

She recognised it instantly; hell, she still had the other half of the pair in a box back home. The pink was so faded that it was only barely recognizable and the detailing had long since disappeared, but the decorative shells made sure that the piece's identity was unmistakable.

It was the one she’d given Jecka 26 years ago.

What was it doing here? Why did she still have it after all these years? Did that mean that she remembered? How long ago had she put it together?

Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe Isobel found it in an old box, pulled it out to play with it, and left it here when she got bored. That has to be it.

“You really need to learn to ask before going through my stuff.”

Nicole jumped to her feet in surprise before turning around to see Jecka; arms folded and an unamused expression on her face, which soon twisted into one of shock as she saw what Nicole was holding.

“Give me that!” she snapped as she panickedly snatched the bracelet out of Nicole’s hands, leaving the brunette stunned as she tried to process what was going on. If Jecka was this freaked out about Nicole seeing the bracelet… there was no other answer. She remembered everything.

“I didn’t think you’d still have it,” Nicole whispered nervously, avoiding Jecka’s gaze as she confronted the topic she’d been avoiding for so long. “Fuck, I didn’t think you remembered at all.”

The room fell silent, the air dripping with tension as Nicole braced herself for whatever onslaught was coming her way. Instead all she was met with was laughter as Jecka fell to the sofa, cackling incredulously.

“There’s no way this is happening right now,” Jecka mumbled to herself, before glaring at Nicole, a level of frustration on the blonde’s face that she’d never seen until now. “YOU REMEMBERED??! FOR HOW LONG??”

“...Since the first day of junior year.”

“YOU-” Jecka caught herself, pinching the bridge of her nose as she took a deep breath before continuing, her voice wavering. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I-I… I just…” Nicole stuttered, pausing as she slowly sat down next to Jecka, taking her hand before continuing. “I was scared that you’d see how much I’d changed and be disappointed. I’d changed so much that it kind of felt like a lie, to say the me from back then and the me when we met again were the same person.”

“...Nicole,” Jecka sighed, squeezing Nicole's hand and reaching up to brush the loose brown hairs away from her eyes. “You’re such an idiot. I was so excited to see you again, you know? I had literally dreamed of the day I found you again, and you not recognising me absolutely destroyed me. And now I find out it was all for some stupid reason like that. You couldn’t even bring yourself to tell me once we were friends again?”

“By that point it would have been so awkward,” Nicole murmured embarrassedly. “Like ‘hey, you know how I pretended I didn’t recognise you? Well surprise, I did!!’ How the hell do you even say that to someone?”

“Literally just the way you said it now??” Jecka rolled her eyes. “Nicole, I’m trying SO hard to be patient right now, but you’re unbelievable. If you didn’t want it to be fucking awkward, you should have just stopped being a bitch and said it from the start!”

“I mean, you could have said something too, bitch,” Nicole snapped back. “I don’t know why this is all on me.”

“I feel like saying ‘Hi, I’m Jecka’ should’ve been enough,” Jecka glowered, pulling her arms away and folding them again, clenching her fist tightly around the bracelet. “How many people do you know with a stupid fucking name like that? ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GAVE ME IT???”

“You still could’ve said something though??? Like if I’d actually forgotten, a fucking reminder would’ve been nice,” Nicole muttered annoyedly. She knew that it was her fault, but she still couldn’t help but be mad that Jecka hadn’t at least tried a little harder. Silence fell around them once again for a few seconds, before the blonde eventually replied.

“I didn’t think there was a point. Either you forgot about me, or you didn’t care enough to bring it up. Whichever one it was, it felt like I didn’t matter to you. So I just left it,” Jecka murmured, her voice tight with restrained anger. A part of Nicole was shocked that Jecka could even think that, as if she wasn’t the most important thing in the brunette’s life bar none. But she knew that she had never done a good job of showing that. The idea that she’d made Jecka feel like this, when all she’d ever wanted to do was protect her, made Nicole want to throw up. She didn’t know how to respond, how to explain all the feelings rushing through her mind; so in the end it was Jecka who spoke next once again.

“I loved you, Nicole. And that moment was the first of so many times that you broke my heart,” the blonde whispered. Nicole could hear how fragile Jecka was, her voice shaking as her knuckles turned white from how tightly she was gripping the bracelet. “That’s why this is out here. Usually it’s in a safer place but sometimes I like to… reminisce.”

She just couldn’t make sense of it. Nicole had accepted that Jecka might have had some feelings for her when they’d first hooked up, but love? From the very beginning? Long enough for her to have hurt Jecka as many times as she claimed? There was no way. How could someone as perfect as Jecka fallen so badly for someone as awful as her? A normal person would probably feel some degree of excitement at the revelation that their feelings had been reciprocated, mixed with the pain of missing out on what could have been. All Nicole could feel was horror, the idea that Jecka could love her so outlandish and painful that she wished it was a lie.

“For so long I was so upset that you wouldn’t date me,” Jecka continued, closing her eyes as the tremor started to disappear from her voice, replaced by an air of wistfulness. “I couldn’t figure out why you wouldn’t look my way. Don’t worry; I accepted it a while ago, but still… I want to know why, Nicole. I need to understand why you were so fine with playing with my feelings and leading me on even though you didn’t love me, but somehow at the same time you were lying to protect me? How does that work??”

“...I did love you. I do love you,” Nicole whispered, her voice so quiet that if the room around them had been anything other than dead silent it would have been impossible to hear. She could barely bring herself to look Jecka in the eyes, at that shocked and incredulous glare, dripping with venom, daring her to continue. “There’s no one in the world who means more to me than you, Jecka.”

“Then WHY,” Jecka growled, the barely contained fury underlying her words as she loomed forward over Nicole. “Do you enjoy it? Is torturing girls you’re into really the only way you can get off? I knew you were fucked in the head after what you did to Ari, but this?”

“NO!!” Nicole cried, throwing her hands up in frustration at how impossible it seemed to get her point across, how she couldn’t seem to find the right words to explain how she felt. “I-I never wanted to hurt you; that’s why I couldn’t date you. I’m toxic, Jecka. I’m a disgusting fucking freak, and you deserved better; someone who can provide for you, a family, a real life. And just like I knew you would, you got that. Without me.”

*SNAP*

Nicole jumped at the sudden noise, her heart dropping as she looked down at its source; the pink bracelet, or what was left of it after Jecka had snapped it in half. She closed her eyes, expecting Jecka to explode, to scream at her and berate her until she got all of her anger out. But then Jecka started crying.

“J-Jecka?” Nicole approached her carefully, reaching out to hug her before Jecka pushed her away roughly.

“Don’t. Just don’t, Nicole,” she mumbled, her head in her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably. “I’m SO glad that you got what you wanted. After all you’re just SO selfless, aren’t you? Sacrificing for me, as if you have any idea what’s good for me or what I want, when YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.”

Before Nicole could even think of what to say to defend herself, Jecka continued. “You want to know what my perfect life is like???? I’m so fucking tired all the time from taking care of this piece of shit house for my husband who’s always on a fucking business trip, and even when he IS here he barely talks to me other than to call me useless. I gave up my job, my CAREER, for a child I didn’t even want; and now I hate myself for thinking that because she’s an angel that never asked for ANY OF THIS. BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER BECAUSE I’M TERRIFIED THAT I’M TURNING INTO MY MOTHER AND I’M GOING TO RESENT HER JUST LIKE I ALREADY RESENT MY ASSHOLE OF A HUSBAND WHO I NEVER EVEN LOVED IN THE FIRST PLACE.”

“I… I never realised. I mean I figured things were bad lately but… you never loved him?? Then… w-why?” Nicole stammered, reeling from all of the revelations. All of the suffering Jecka was going through, and she’d never opened up about it. Until recently it really had seemed like everything was fine, good even; and it was so painful to realize that Jecka just hadn’t trusted her enough to confide in her. “I don’t get it. Why did you marry him? Why didn’t you tell me this before??”

“Because I was young and stupid and I was trying to make you JEALOUS, idiot,” Jecka cried, tears streaming down her face from her bloodshot eyes. “And when that didn’t work, which I had no idea why I thought it would because you’re such a fucking self-absorbed asshole, I just figured why not? At the very least I could use him for his fucking money.”

Nicole flinched at the insult, made even worse by the fact that she knew it was true. She’d been so busy convincing herself that what she was doing was the right thing for Jecka, that she’d never even stopped to consider what Jecka wanted for herself. “...I really thought things would be better for you this way. If I wasn’t an option.”

“Yeah you’re right this was such a great outcome for me,” Jecka mocked, trying as hard as she could to wipe the tears from her face as she glowered at Nicole. “Fuck off Nicole, don’t you DARE keep acting like this was for me. You did this for yourself. Because you’re a pathetic person who’d rather push away the people close to her than accept that it’s okay to feel things.”

It was true. Nicole knew it, she’d always known it really; but she hadn’t had to confront that truth when she’d thought it’d worked out for Jecka. When it hadn’t really mattered what Nicole’s motivations were. But now, with the discovery that the love of her life had been miserable for so long alongside the fact that it was thanks to her, Nicole’s whole world was collapsing around her.

“I’M TRAPPED NICOLE. I HATE MYSELF AND MY LIFE, BUT I CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE IT. I HAVE NO MONEY, I HAVEN’T WORKED IN FIVE FUCKING YEARS, SO NO ONE IS GOING TO CONSIDER ME, I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO, AND I HAVE A KID TO TAKE CARE OF. SO YEAH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING ME ALL OF THIS NICOLE, YOU’RE SO FUCKING GENEROUS.” Jecka spat, screaming so loudly that Nicole couldn’t help but worry that Isobel might wake up. She didn’t deserve to have to hear this. “DO YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN’T ENDED IT ALREADY IS BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LEAVE ISOBEL ALONE WITH THAT MAN.”

The room finally fell quiet, with only Jecka’s muffled sobbing to break the silence as she cried into her hands. Nicole couldn’t take this any longer. The guilt she felt watching Jecka cry like this was going to eat away at her forever if she didn’t do something. If she didn’t finally push through her fears and stop being a fucking coward. Leaning forward, she wrapped her arms around Jecka gently in an awkward effort to be reassuring.

“Run away with me.”

Jecka froze for a moment before lifting her head and staring at Nicole, her eyes bloodshot and raw. It was too late for Nicole to back down now; so she took a deep breath before continuing. “Tonight. There’s enough space in my apartment for you and Izzy to stay however long you need. Forever, even; if you’d want to of course.”

“...What?” Jecka whispered, her voice hoarse after all of her screaming.

“You said you don’t have anywhere to go, but you do,” Nicole answered, trying not to let the fear that was currently overwhelming her show in her voice. “I’m here for you, and I’m so sorry; for everything. But I’m not going to leave you here alone now that I know all of this. I… I love you Jecka. I always have and I always will.”

“...You’re kidding me right?” Jecka laughed weakly, causing Nicole to flinch; it was the same hauntingly cynical laugh that had started all of this. “After all this time, you finally give a fuck. It’s too late though. I don’t fucking trust you, especially now that I know how much you’ve been lying to me. I’m not risking my daughters safety hoping that you won’t wake up one day and abandon us. So you know what? You can fuck off.”

“Jecka, I'm serious. I won’t do that to you, I swear. I-I won’t hurt you again,” Nicole pleaded, the panic in her voice rising.

“The worst part is that I believe that you believe that; but how the fuck am I supposed to trust you? It doesn’t matter whether you mean to or not; you know that right?? It’s too fucking late for this Nicole. We’re not kids anymore, and I can’t bet everything on love or some other bullshit. It’s not just about me now. You missed your chance a long time ago,” Jecka scoffed, turning away. “...I think you should leave.”

“...What?? No. Nonononononono; Jecka please, I promise I can do this. I can make us work; just give me a chance,” Nicole pleaded, gripping Jecka’s hand tightly and pulling it close before the blonde wrenched it away from her.

“Don’t you remember, Nicole? There is no ‘us’.” Jecka smiled sadly as she stood up, as the weight of the words hit Nicole like a ton of bricks; memories of the night that she’d committed to this twisted path flashing before her eyes. “Please just leave. Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.”

Holding back tears, Nicole stood up wordlessly before marching towards the door mechanically. Nothing felt real, it was like she was watching someone else piloting her body as Jecka slammed the door shut behind her, leaving her on the street by herself, emptier than she had ever been before.
____________________

It’d been two months since Nicole had seen Jecka; and in that time, she’d barely even left her apartment. Aside from the occasional trip downstairs to her tattoo studio to see a client, she’d basically been holed up inside with only alcohol and takeaway to keep her company. Her place had never been tidy, but with the littering of empty food containers, trash bags and beer cans? It was more comparable to a garbage dump than an actual liveable space. It didn’t matter to her though. Nothing mattered anymore. Nicole wasn’t really even sure what she was hanging onto now that she didn’t have Jecka.

Some of her old bandmates had tried to check in on her, but after a couple weeks of leaving them on read and dodging their phone calls, they’d all given up. It wasn’t like they’d stayed close since the band’s breakup anyway. She’d never been good at holding onto any of her relationships other than with Jecka, and now that she’d fucked that up as well, she had nothing left.

Now it was only 8 p.m. and Nicole was already five cans deep, a half-eaten pizza on the table as she laid on her couch staring listlessly at her phone. She wasn’t even sure what day it was; they’d all started blending together a long time ago. The only reason she even knew the time was because it was right there at the top of her screen. Not that it mattered; aside from her appointments, the time had zero relevance to the way she lived nowadays. Nothing else ever happened to her anyway.

*BZZZZZZZT*

That was strange. Nicole was sure she hadn’t ordered any more food; she couldn’t really afford to at the rate her savings were dwindling ever since she’d started taking fewer clients. Groaning, she pulled herself up and staggered over to check the intercom camera and see who the hell would be visiting her this late.

It was Jecka, her daughter in one hand and a travel bag in the other.

It couldn’t be real; there was no way Jecka was really there. Nicole had just passed out after drinking way too much, and this was all a dream. A delusional, torturous dream to remind her that Jecka would never rely on her again. She tried pinching and slapping herself, but no matter how much it hurt, Jecka was still there. Whatever. She’d just need to check the door to prove to herself that she was imagining things.

Grumbling all the way down the stairs, she pushed through the mess that was her studio and threw the door open, ready to go back upstairs and fall asleep after she’d dispersed her delusions.

“Hi Nicole.”

Instead, she was met with the familiar face of the woman she would never be able to get over. Jecka looked even more tired and lifeless than the last time they’d seen each other, but that wasn’t the main issue. She’d been beaten. Jecka’s right eye was swollen to the point that she could barely open it, and there were red marks streaked around her neck where she’d clearly been choked. The shock and fury Nicole felt almost sobered her up completely.

“Did he do this?”

“...Yes,” Jecka whispered nervously, clearly trying not to wake up Isobel. Nicole moved to take the young girl from her, and Jecka breathed a sigh of relief at the weight off of her hands. “Look; I know I said all that stuff before, but now that… this is happening, Isobel can’t stay there. I won’t let him hurt her. So, you’re the lesser evil; at least if we’re still-”

“Yes,” Nicole replied instantly, not even waiting for the question to be finished. “Always. Forever. Like I said; I’m never going to leave you alone anymore.”

“Thank you,” Jecka cried as she wrapped her arms around Nicole before wincing in pain. Nicole couldn’t bear to think about what else had been done to her. “I promise I’ll chip in where I can, and once Isobel gets settled I’ll start looking for work and-”

“Don’t worry about it; seriously. “I can make things work. You just worry about what you’ve got going on.” Nicole said gently, before grimacing awkwardly. “I should probably warn you that the place is like… a serious mess right now.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you,” Jecka giggled quietly. “It’s fine, I’ll clean up tomorrow. It’s the least I can do.”

Nicole took Jecka’s free hand and led her through the studio and back up the stairs to her apartment. Before letting her in though, Nicole turned to face Jecka and looked her in the eyes seriously, squeezing her hand tightly. “I love you, Jecka. More than anything else.”

“...Yeah. I know.”

Chapter Text

*Bzzzt* *Bzzzt* *Bzzzt* *Bzzzt*

Every bone in Nicole’s body was screaming at her to stay under the covers and get at least another couple hours of sleep. A 5 a.m. wake up was basically torture to her, but she’d gotten better at it over the last half a year. It wasn’t like she really had a choice now that she had a kid to help out with. Now that Nicole was taking more clients again, it had just made sense for her to wake up extra early and get all of her preparation done quickly so that afterwards she could help Isobel get ready for the day.

Groaning, Nicole fumbled for her phone and switched off the alarm before stumbling out of bed, blinking groggily until she could see properly. She grabbed a baggy band shirt from her closet, throwing it on before she circled around the bed to stroke the hair of the blonde who she’d slept beside. Nicole smirked as Jecka grunted and pushed her hand away before falling back into sleep, enjoying the quiet, domestic moment. The pair had shared a bed many times before living together, but never as peacefully as this. Even if they never dated, Nicole was just happy to see Jecka happy.

Despite the added stress of financial issues ever since she’d separated from her ex husband, Jecka looked more youthful and energised than she’d looked in a decade; in part the result of getting actual support raising her daughter and more than just a couple of hours of rest every night, but also due to the simple fact that she was no longer weighed down by a loveless marriage. Finally, she was free; and it was so beautiful that Nicole was happy enough to just witness it.

After leaving the apartment, Nicole stumbled down the stairs to her studio, making herself a cup of coffee in the back before stepping out into her station. She quickly ran through her checklist - checking that all her equipment was working, mopping the floor, wiping down, sanitizing and wrapping the whole station, and finally prepping her inks and cartridges for the day. Once that was done she took a quick rest, grabbing her tablet and taking a seat as she scrolled through her schedule and printed out her designs before pulling up the shutters, stretching, and heading back up to the apartment.

She finished setting up at around 6:30, which meant that it was time for Izzy to wake up and get ready. Nicole carefully pulled open the door to her spare room, which had been hastily converted into a bedroom for the young girl, and crept up to the bed, grinning as she shook Isobel awake gently.

“TIME TO GET UP ISOBEL,” Nicole growled in a low, cheesy monster voice as Isobel woke up, her groggy confusion slowly shifting into excited giggles as she realized what was happening. “YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE GIRLS WHO DON’T GET OUT OF BED BEFORE THE MONSTERS GET TO THEM, DON’T YOU?”

“DON’T EAT ME!!!!!” Isobel screeched as she jumped to her feet and hugged Nicole tightly, still giggling. “Good morning Auntie Nicole!”

“Morning Izzy,” Nicole smiled as she knelt down to look her niece in the eyes. “Do you need help getting dressed? Or can you handle that while I go make you some breakfast?”

“I can do it!” Isobel said proudly, before diving towards the pile of cardboard boxes in the corner of the room that were currently substituting for a wardrobe. Nicole couldn’t help but chuckle as she watched the kid gleefully digging through the boxes before leaving for the kitchen.

Nicole pulled the fridge door open, taking stock of what options they had; which turned out to be very few considering the current state of their finances. Sighing, she ended up settling for plain cereal. Ever since Jecka and Izzy had moved in she’d developed a penchant for cooking, it was cheaper than getting takeout every night after all, but for now this would have to do.

Eventually Isobel ran out of the room, smiling gleefully as she twirled in the ballerina skirt she’d picked out before leaping into her chair, her breakfast waiting for her. Her outfit looked every bit as chaotic as her personality; a green top that had no business going with that skirt, mismatched stockings and a tiara resting atop her blonde curls. She looked absolutely ridiculous, but the smile on her face was all Nicole needed to see. What was the harm in letting a five year old enjoy and express herself, anyway?

“So did you have any dreams last night?” Nicole asked her niece in between scoops of cereal.

“YEAH! It was me *munch* and you and mummy, *munch* and we were fighting a giant *munch* alien!” The young girl ranted excitedly as she ate.

“That sounds exciting; did we win?” Nicole grinned as she reached across the table with a napkin to wipe Isobel’s mouth.

“Yep, we convinced it to stop attacking and then we became friends and then it started living with us!” Isobel answered, smiling widely before lifting another scoop of cereal to her mouth.

“Wow, that’s amazing! It must have been scary; how did you do it??” Nicole asked, an exaggerated expression of surprise and awe on her face as she continued listening to Isobel’s recounting of her dream.

One of the reasons Nicole had elected to take care of Izzy in the morning was because it was… refreshing to witness the young girl’s unbridled enjoyment of life. It reminded her of simpler times, back when Nicole was her age, before everything had started going downhill. She’d always thought she hated kids, but at the very least, being around Isobel was nice.
____________________

Once she’d walked Isobel to school and then returned to the store, Nicole checked her schedule again, reminding herself that her first appointment was set for 11, which meant she had a chance to catch her breath and relax for a couple of hours at least. A few months ago she would have spent the whole time laying on the couch and doom scrolling, but recently she’d picked up the guitar again; practicing for as long as she could before Jecka woke up; which was usually around 10. Nicole couldn’t afford to let Jecka hear the songs she’d been writing; after all, they were all about her.

Of course, things never went to plan for Nicole. She’d lost track of time, completely absorbed in the sound of her instrument as she mumbled the lyrics she’d written out, and hadn’t noticed Jecka standing in the bedroom door frame watching her until the blonde spoke up.

“That’s a nice song, Nicole,” Jecka grinned mischievously as she strolled over and sat down next to her. “Who’s it for?”

“N-no one,” Nicole replied, as she set her guitar down and grabbed her notes, pulling them close to her chest as she turned away to hide the blush on her cheeks. “Just a song I heard on the radio.”

“Really? That’s strange, I don’t think I’ve heard it before,” Jecka said, feigning confusion. “It was nice though, could you play it again? I want to get a good listen so I can keep an ear out for it.”

“... Fine, you can drop the bullshit; I know you know it’s mine. You’re such a bitch, you know that?” Nicole groaned. “Just don’t hate me afterwards, okay? I’m not expecting anything; I was just trying to work through my feelings or whatever.”

“Don’t worry about what I’m thinking and just play, Nicole,” Jecka smiled reassuringly.

Sighing, Nicole lifted the guitar up and took a deep breath before bringing her hands down to the strings. It’d been a long time since she’d played in front of anyone, and she was still shaking off the rust. But the anxiety she was feeling had nothing to do with that. Her band had sold out more gigs than she could count, and even though they’d never had a major breakthrough, they’d done decently well for themselves before they’d all gone their separate ways. This performance, for Jecka’s ears only, was scarier than any of the stages she’d played on. Being vulnerable was still a terrifying prospect for Nicole, but with Jecka and Izzy’s help, she was slowly getting better at it.

So, Nicole started strumming; letting the music flow through her as she put all of the feelings she’d built up over nearly three decades of yearning into the words she sang. It wasn’t her best performance, her singing voice still wavering from years without use and her fingers clumsily missing the occasional note, but all that mattered was that the emotion of the song got through. It didn’t need to be perfect, it just needed to be her.

Finally, she looked up warily, scared of what Jecka’s reaction might be. They hadn’t talked about their romantic feelings for each other even once since she’d moved in, and Nicole honestly wasn’t sure where they stood. But once she saw the look in Jecka’s eyes, she knew instantly that the spark was still there, that she had another chance. This time, she wasn’t going to throw it away.

“Jecka, I want to give us a shot, a real one this time. I want to take you on a date, show you the time of your life, and prove why I deserve another chance. Will you let me?”

Nicole waited patiently, watching Jecka contemplate her options. She’d expected this to be nervewracking, for a wave of anxiety to wash over her, so overwhelming that it would take everything she had not to run away again. But instead, she felt a sense of serenity. Finally being truthful with her feelings, felt right; like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. A weight that had been there for so long she’d forgotten what life felt like without it. Whatever Jecka’s answer was, at least Nicole could be proud of herself for once in her life. Finally, the blonde looked up, a nervous smile on her face as she answered.

“Sure; I’d like that, Nicole. Let’s give us a shot.”