Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The bookshelves seemed to go on forever, row after row their fresh veneer shined under the candlelight. Made from wood only taken from the finest trees, and with ornate engravings marking their section, it was without a doubt the nicest library Subaru had ever seen. Even someone such as himself, with a limited grasp of the local language, could imagine parking himself down and reading the entire library in one of the several cozy chairs placed throughout. However there was another reason it was so easy to imagine reading every book within it.

“Beako, did we really need all this for five books?” Subaru said as he placed the last book on its proper place, standing alone in the 'A-F non-fiction' shelf. Beatrice had sorted the rest of the library but this one had needed to go on a top shelf. Which she could have reached with ease of course, but Subaru insisted.

“It’s not my fault we only have five halfway decent books, I suppose.” Beatrice dismissed him as she inspected the now “fully stocked” library. “It took me 400 years to fill the last one, and I inherited a lot of the best ones from Mother. Give me another few decades and I’m sure we’ll have a book on every shelf, I suppose.”

“Well, as packed as that sounds, I still think you could have used one of the bookshelves in the study. Wouldn’t that be nice? I could see you reading whenever I walk by.”

“The study next to Emillia’s room? I will not be used as an excuse for you to camp out in front of her.”

“Ack, you wound me Beako!” Subaru said, hunching over as if he’d been stabbed through the heart as he spoke. “I would never use you as just an excuse to see Emilia. My scheme was that she would see how much fun we were having together and then ask to join!”

“I will be no part of any schemes, I suppose.” The spirit said, crossing her arms in a pout. But she never could last long in a stare down with Subaru. Breaking, she blew a stray hair out of her face and turned back to her books.

“Besides, my library isn’t just any old room.”

“Yeah, why was that again? I mean this mansion is huge, you could have put your library in a dozen of the unused rooms. You could have put 5 libraries in some of them.”

“Did Betty’s Subaru really think she wasted a week of her time preparing a spell to create this room that is no better than the southern annex? This isn’t any old storage room, I suppose.”

“I thought that was to do the door spell thingy.” Subaru said, plopping himself down in one of the new chairs.

“The door spell thingy. Book number six is going to be on elementary school magic terminology.” Betty scoffed, before turning to her contractor with a smug grin. “No, that part is relatively simple. The spell I was labouring over is one that creates my own domain.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot the old library was in a parallel dimension or something.”

“It’s a domain, in fact. Because the very rules of reality bend to Betty’s domain. Sorcerers of the past for generations have used this spell to create the ultimate sanctums. Worlds where people float like clouds in meditation, or realms that always smell of the finest Oolong tea.”

“Ah, so what did my Beako do with her realm? A room with unlimited empty shelves? Or maybe if you ask for headpats, they will magically be given.” Subaru said with a smirk. “Actually, you’ve already got that.”

“What would head pats have to do with a library?” She said, ignoring his playful remark. “No, this is a domain of the strictest privacy imaginable. Absolute sound proofing.”

“Absolute sound proofing? Couldn’t we have just put some pillows on the walls?”

“In what way are pillows at all “absolute”, I suppose? This soundproofing is essential for someone with ears as refined as mine. The mansion could explode outside and I wouldn’t even hear a peep.”

“You’re exaggerating.” Subaru said, suddenly a bit more interested in the room itself.

“I could have the royal orchestra play music down the hall and not even Reinhard would hear a thing from within these walls. It’s the reason for my domain.” Betty said proudly, expecting to be scooped up any second now for a congratulatory hug from Subaru. One that she would tolerate, she supposed.

“And vice versa?” Subaru said, calmly. A forced calm that did not set Betty at ease in the slightest.

“Pardon?”

“What about the reverse? If Reinhard was outside and the orchestra inside, he still wouldn’t hear?”

“I suppose. It may be tiny but my rule over this space is absolute. There isn’t a being alive that could eavesdrop on us here.” Beatrice added, waiting for praise that was still not arriving. Instead Subaru, seemingly deep in thought, mumbled something quietly.

“What was that?”

“I can return by death.” He said with an odd sense of gravitas.

“Huh?” Betty was confused, and Subaru’s slackjawed expression wasn’t helping clear anything up. “Return by death? What is that, some power from an anime you read? Or were those called manga.”

“Honestly it’s more of a light novel thing…” he said on autopilot, his brain running a mile a minute. A hundred questions raced through his head at once. Does this mean he finally can talk about what he has been hiding for so long? What was Beako saying right now? Should he even burden his friend with this knowledge? Could he tell everyone, as long as they stepped in this room? Beako looks annoyed with me, where is she going now? What happens when you leave the room?

What happens when you leave the room?

As the door creaked open, Subaru turned in a panic to see Beako stepping back into the mansion proper. With speed he didn’t know he had, he lunged and tried to stop her from leaving the room but it was too late and they slid into the hallway in a pile.

“Gaaah!” the great spirit of Yin squealed as she found her bearings. “Have you lost your mind, I suppose?”

“Beako, this is important. What were we just talking about!”, he said with no trace of jest in his eyes.

“I was getting you a glass of water I suppose, you were acting quite odd. You had just … “ Beatrice trailed off. “Well, whatever it was that started all this you’re still acting insane I suppose!”

It took a few beats, but eventually Subaru exhaled and regained a bit of his lighthearted energy he had a moment ago. Before he could scoop Betty into a surely to be passionate hug, she pushed him away in annoyance.

“You are being ridiculous today. Betty will fetch you some water and you better keep quiet when I come back to christen the library.”

As Betty scurried off to the kitchen, her contractor couldn’t even stand up off the ground.This recent revelation had bowled him over. And the fact that Beatrice had lost her memory of return by death, it must mean …

“I guess I’ll take this as your blessing, Satella.”, he said quietly to himself with a small smile.

Just like any gift from Satella, Subaru was sure he would come to rely on it. And that it had the potential to cause him an endless amount of trouble. But isn’t talking things out the solution to every trouble?

Or was it the cause?

Either way, he was going to be spending even more time in the library than he initially thought.

Chapter Text

After a night with much thinking and little sleep, the next day arrived like any other. And within a few hours, both the boy and his spirit were back in the newly constructed library.

Although initially the library had a distinct new book smell to it, It wasn’t long before the scent was overpowered by an aroma of freshly baked cookies. It was a pleasant, but overpowering smell that wasn’t going away as nobody was eating any of the batch Subaru has dropped off. It had started on a table near the entrance, before Subaru moved them to a more central area, before finally putting them right beside Beatrice as she read. Before he could pick up one of the cookies and try to use the airplane trick, Betty finally put down her book.

“Subaru, if it wasn’t made clear by my polite lack of acknowledgement, there is absolutely no chance I am going to eat one of those cookies.”

“Oh come on, I didn’t bake them this time!” It was true that Beatrice had good reason to hold back based on her past experiences. “And really, that time was a joint effort with Ram. But these were a special favour I cashed in with Frederica. It’s even got chocolate chips! Or, maybe even chunks!”

“Chunks, I suppose …” Her resolve wavered for a moment. “Regardless, we are in a library! What will Betty’s Subaru do when I get crumbs over one fifth of the entire collection?” With a great deal of will, Betty stood up and moved to a seat far away from the steaming fresh batch and made sure to start subtly breathing through her mouth. “Please pass on my thanks to Frederica but I’m happy enough with my books for now, I suppose.”

With an exasperated sigh, Subaru put a cover back onto the tray of cookies and sat down beside his diminutive partner.

“Is that really true? You’re happy enough right now that you don’t need any of the delicious cookies?”

“I’m reading a wonderful book in my own personal library, and Betty’s Subaru is waiting on my hand and foot today.” She made eye contact and flashed a soft but sincere smile. “I’m having a wonderful morning.”

“Well, here goes nothing…” Subaru thought to himself as he took a deep breath. The conditions couldn’t be more ideal, and he had a plan he spent all night on how to best broach the topic. Return by Death was a little too on the nose. But maybe they could both enjoy a conversation about something more watered down.

“Beatrice, what would you say if I told you I had the power to travel through time?”

“I’d ignore you and keep reading my book”, and that she did.

“You’d ignore me? This is a magical world we live in Beako. I know time travel is a little far-fetched but you certainly can’t rule out the possibility of it existing!”

“Time travel? Unlikely but anything is possible, I suppose.” Beatrice said, lowering her book an inch so she could see Subaru. “You being a time traveler? Impossible.”

“And why is that?” he said, a bit of offense leaking into his tone. “I actually think I’m exactly the type of person who could have an incredible magic power. The mysterious, handsome stranger who is constantly underestimated. In fact I think - “

“If Betty’s Subaru could travel through time, then I would have been freed from my library 400 years ago.” the spirit said without a shred of doubt. “I know you too well. If you could travel through time then there wouldn’t be a hardship anyone in this mansion could remember, in fact.”

It was the subtle conviction in her words that threw Subaru for a loop. She was probably right about his actions, but how automatic her answer came gave him a small pause. He really was a lucky contractor.

“Right, fair point. Well, let's say that the time travel has limits then! For example, I can only go a few days into the past at most.”

“You’re really into this hypothetical, I suppose. This is equally as absurd as before.”

“Beako, at least put down your book when you rebuff me!” he whined. “Why is this idea so impossible?”

“Because you would have told me about this already.” Beatrice said with a sigh. “To think how much nonsense comes out of that mouth and you wouldn’t have mentioned you were a time traveler? Truly impossible.”

“Ok, well one more detail I forgot to add. I can’t tell anyone about my time traveling. Or, uh, a big shadowy hand will caress my heart!”

“Caress your heart? Is that a bad thing, I suppose?”

“I mean, in this context it most certainly is!”

“Very creative Subaru, but this is becoming a waste of Betty’s time.” Beatrice replied, trying yet again to return to her book and stop discussing such things. Nonsense was one thing, but this was turning unpleasant.

“Oh come on, this one makes sense at least.”

“It has actually never made less sense, in fact! You just told me about time traveling! Where is this ‘shadowy hand’?“

“Ah right, that's the piece that ties it all together! The shadowy hand can’t hear us, because we’re in your library. Absolute soundproofing as you so eloquently said.”

A moment passed as Subaru could see the gears turning in his partner’s mind. Shaking her head, she finally gave a reluctant response.

“Ok then, if that’s the case then Betty would like to see it.”

“What? Right now?” Subaru said, off balance.

“Yes, show Betty right now if you are the time traveler you claim to be.”

“Believe me, you don’t want to see that.” he said with a nervous laugh.

“So you’re a time traveler who can only travel a few days in the past, I suppose. And you can’t tell anyone about it, I suppose. And none of that matters because you seemingly have an aversion to doing it in the first place, I suppose!” Betty’s forehead was wrinkled in frustration, regretting not having a cookie earlier when she had the chance. “Can you just get to the point so I can return to my book? I was hoping this library could be a place I could occasionally read in.”

“I guess, my point is just… if everything I said up until now was true… what would you say to me?”

“I would say thank you for telling me, and to forget this time travel nonsense ever existed. And before you take that the wrong way, Betty is still playing along. Even if you could time travel, I would prefer you wouldn’t. You really don’t have the constitution for a power like that. I doubt anyone does.”

“Heh, you might be right there. Maybe it would be easier if I could just choose not to sometimes.”

“Ok, enough is enough. You can’t just keep adding new conditions onto this hypothetical, I suppose!” Betty got up, placing her book down before storming away from the desk. And then looping back for the cookies. “I’m taking these back to Frederica!” she said, her hand already wrapped around the largest cookie as she exited the library, leaving Subaru alone with his thoughts.

It certainly could have gone worse, but it hadn’t felt like he expected it to. Talking about his problems, he thought it would feel like a weight off his chest. Instead he felt like all that had changed is he had realized the weight had always been there, pulling him down with every breath he took.

In retrospect, had he even talked about any of his problems? The deaths he’s experienced, the memories only he remembered, none of that came up at all. It was doubtful Beatrice had even considered his scenario as truthful for a moment. To Beatrice it was just an annoying hypothetical, and was it really any different to Subaru?

But this had gone well, right? Maybe this was proof that he could be a bit more direct next time. Return by Death is a bit of a shock to anybody, but he had gotten used to it eventually. If Beako could as well, then they could talk about it together.

About how they both had gotten over it and how it was no big deal. That would be therapeutic, certainly more so than today. With a rumbling stomach and a racing mind, Subaru decided Betty had the right idea and hoped he could catch her while there were still cookies left.

Tomorrow he’d bring something you could eat in the library, and he’d finally get the weight off his chest. Smiling to himself, he was almost tempted to pat himself on the back. This trial run had been a great idea, and tomorrow would only be better.

Chapter Text

“Can I tell you something important?”

“Of course, I would be offended if you didn’t. It is my job to hear your problems, I suppose.” Beatrice said, just finishing the last lines of one of her favourite passages before marking her page and listening to what Subaru had clearly been working up to all day.

Doting on her had always been a hobby for Subaru, but most days didn’t include a massage, a tasting of fine candies, and a complimentary hair brushing like today had. Most days at the spa didn’t have all these luxuries frankly. So whatever he wanted to talk about was likely something he had put a lot of thought into. It was probably some ridiculous idea for wooing Emilia, but on the off chance it was something more substantial she would be ready to offer her wisdom.

“I died, Beako.”

“What?” Beatrice squawked out in a confused yelp, her tiny arms throwing her book a few inches in the air in alarm. She quickly scurried over to his seat, her hand first grabbing his arm, and then his forehead.

“What are you talking about? Are you implying Betty’s eyes are lying to her? And her hands and ears and nose and … everything? You’re sitting right in front of me, I suppose!” His temperature was normal, so what was he going on about this time?

“No sorry, that must be confusing.” he said awkwardly, a slightly strained smile on his face. “I’m not dead right now. It happened a while ago. I’m all good now!”

“Subaru, I think we’re having one of those ‘cultural differences’ we’ve talked about before. Here in Lugunica when people die they don’t get better, I suppose.” Betty said, her hand rubbing her forehead in annoyance as her heart rate ever so slowly began to drop back to normal.

“Right, that’s the interesting part! I don’t stay dead. I’ve got this power, I call it-”

“Wait, you really did die?” Beatrice replied, barely following her contractor’s thoughts as her mind was pulled in a dozen different directions.

“Well, yes but it’s like I was saying that isn’t the interesting part. I mean everybody dies right?”

“Stop.” the spirit said quietly and firmly, holding until Subaru made eye contact with her glare. “Stop talking like that right now. You are not everybody. You are not allowed to even talk about dying for at least another 200 years.”

“Beako,” he said a tad softer, “I’m probably not going to make it to 200 years even if I keep up the radio calisthenics.”

“Ok, 150 years but that’s as low as I can go.” she said with a pout, her eyes already tinged a slight red. “I know you won't be around forever, believe Betty when she says that. And I will come to terms with it. But you need to give me at least a century or two to prepare.”

“I’ll do my best.” he said, because what else could he say. Beatrice could see him take a step forward, but she turned away. She was a great spirit, she didn’t need a hug just because she had misunderstood some poor taste joke her contractor was telling. She would take a deep breath, and everything would be fine once he started making sense.

“Let’s start over, I suppose. You ‘died’, and then got better. If I were to play along with this morbid exercise, what did that entail?” Betty turned back to face him, from a distance.

“Ok, right this is the important part! Without this part I understand why you got so upset. I mean, why you needed clarification.” Betty was used to her contractor being the more enthusiastic one, but never had there been such a canyon between the two of them.

“When I die, I can go back in time a few days.” he said, his arms splayed out as if he had just performed a magic trick.

“Well why would that matter?”, she said with arms crossed over her chest.

“Beyond the fact I can travel through time? Well, I guess from a practical standpoint it lets me change the past so I don’t die. We like that part, right?” He said, fishing for anything Beatrice would bite onto.

“It seems meaningless. It would be nice that you could say your proper goodbyes, I suppose. But Subaru will pass in his bed, of old age at a ripe 250 years old. You can’t really go back and stop yourself from aging, in fact.” She said with a sigh. No books in the old library had anything close to that magic, and she was sure the new library was lacking on the subject as well.

“Oh, uh I guess that is one scenario…” he replied awkwardly.

“How would that even work, I suppose? Would Betty’s Subaru just relive the same few days forever on his deathbed? I don’t think you really thought that through.”

“Well, I haven’t had to because I didn’t die of old age. I died a few months ago. Actually I have no idea what would happen if I died of old age. I really hope she had a plan for that or else-”

“Stop!” Betty said, her composed voice betraying a slight plea. “Please, stop. We said we wouldn’t talk about you dying. You’re so, so young! There is so much more to Betty’s Subaru that is yet to come. If something were to happen to you and cut it all short? I just, I just can’t think about it, I suppose.”

“Right, that’s why this is a good thing! I can’t die!” He paused for effect, and Beatrice put her hands on her temples.

“But, you just said…”

“Ah, sorry! I did die. And I can’t die. Death doesn’t really work for me like everyone else anymore. Which means you don’t have to worry about losing me for another 100 years! Or maybe a bit less, we really do need to talk about lifespans a bit more.”

“If this is an attempt to make me feel better it is having the opposite effect, I suppose. I’ve always worried about you, that something might happen in the far future. But now you’re telling me I have to worry about the past as well?”

“No you’re not quite getting it, Beako. It’s ok, it took me some time too. You don’t have to worry about me, I can’t die- I mean I can but-”

“How did you die?”

“Hm?”

“How did you die in this ridiculous story, that if you ever wrote into a book I would burn down this whole library before adding it to my collection. How did you die in this nightmare that I was supposed to find comfort in?”

“Hmm, well I could answer that a few ways.” he said, taking a moment too long to think about it. “I died of a mabeast bite I didn’t know I had, peacefully in my sleep. Just like you hoped actually.”

“Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that, in fact!” Betty cleared the distance between them in seconds, pointing at his chest for emphasis as she spoke.

“Sorry, you know what I mean!”

“I don’t need to know what you mean, I suppose! I don’t have any idea what any of this means, I suppose. All I have is a horrible feeling.” It was a feeling that was closing in on her, one she couldn’t seem to shake no matter what she tried.

”Let’s stop, right now I suppose! We can talk about anything else. How’s Emilia, tell me about that, I suppose!”

“Beatrice, I’d love to talk about Emilia any other time. But this is important.”

“Why couldn’t you have said anything other than that.” Beatrice said, taking a step back and slowly sitting down on the freshly carpeted ground of the library. She had spent so much time choosing what it would look like and never once thought she would find herself sitting on it. “Why else would Betty’s Subaru torment her with such a grim fantasy? Why would he punish me with this macabre delusion? Because it isn’t just a story, is it? It’s important?”

“It’s my job to hear your problems I suppose.” she looked up at him, a stray tear running down her face. “None of this makes any sense,” she said for her sake more than his, ”but, please carry on I suppose.”

This time nothing could stop Subaru as he swept her up in a warm hug.

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok. I know, it sounds worse than it is. But believe me, I’m here, I’m alive and I’m doing a-ok! So don’t worry too much about me.”

“You say that, but it’s clearly been bothering you, in fact.”

“Beako, I swear to Od, when it happened I fell asleep and I hadn’t even realized I went back in time for a few moments. I almost wish I felt some pain so I could have realized what’s going on.”

“Do you promise?” Beatrice wasn’t confident she could believe the nod from her contractor. He had never been the type to open up easily. To tell her something so shocking, so disturbing, she knew that meant that some part of him needed to let it out. That there was something he couldn’t process by himself.

And that was why it was so important that she stop crying right now. She had to be tough for Subaru to make him believe she could share his burden. Because if she kept crying, he might never bring this up again. With a large sniffle, she steeled her resolve as her contractor kept unloading his thoughts on her.

“I honestly shouldn’t complain about that death though, better than being stabbed. Or eaten alive of course.”

“What did you just say?” Betty quietly asked as Subaru froze, before slowly placing her back down. Finally, the library was quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

“A slip of the tongue.” He said, his anxiety replaced by a cold, fake smile. It seemed practiced, and lacking any of the vulnerability from a moment before. “I’m sorry Betty, I didn’t mean to make you so upset. I should leave for now.”

“How many times?”

“None, it was a bad joke that I will make sure Ram scolds me for appropriately.”

“Subaru, please don’t go, I suppose.” Beatrice said, grabbing his sleeve as he tried to leave the library. “I, I can handle it. I have to handle it, in fact. Please just give me another chance.”

“Give you another chance?” He said, genuine confusion breaking his facade for a moment. “Beako, I’m the one who’s been speaking nonsense this whole time. I need to go back to the drawing board.”

“Just, just promise Betty that we will finish this conversation.”

“I promise. And it will go much better the next time.” He said, the faintest hint of a comforting smile creeping onto his lip.

As her contractor walked out the door, Betty tried not to think about what he had just said. She could do that when he was out of earshot. For now he needed to know that she was here for him, no matter what he had to tell her. It would be better next time.

Well, ‘next time’ didn’t have to wait.

***

As Betty burst out of the library, she must have been so focused on speed she forgot completely where she was going.

“Ah, Beako!” Subaru turned toward her with a smile and tired eyes. “What splendid timing. I was going into town to get you that new tome you mentioned. Were you up to anything or…”

“I-I was not, I suppose.” she said after a moment’s thought. “But you’ve already done so much for me today. I don’t need to be spoiled, I suppose. And I don’t know if I’m up for a trip into town.” She suddenly remembered how drained she was. Her eyes puffy from … one of her books apparently.

“Believe me Beatrice, I owe you more than you know.” he said, scooping her up onto his shoulders. “Let’s forget about our problems for a bit.”

And with the help of willpower and magic, they both almost did.

Chapter Text

“As much as Betty is enjoying your newfound interest in reading, you might want to try one of the books from Roswaal’s library.” Beatrice said from her usual spot. “The books in my library require great effort for even me to truly comprehend, and well, Betty didn’t learn to read last month.”

“I knew how to read, alright!” Subaru said, a slight tinge of frustration seeping into his reply. “I actually was quite good at it! I could burn through a good book a day back before I came here.” It was true that for better or worse, both parties of the contract had experience reading their days away.

“Of course Betty believes you, I suppose.” she said, genuinely. “But, you are still on the first page.”

“Is it my fault they got right into the meat and potatoes on the very first page? You said yourself it takes a lot of time to understand what they are saying in these books. I’m just making sure I fully understand how everything written applies to Yin Magic.”

“The first page is a dedication to the author’s wife, I suppose.”

“Are you trying to say that I can just ignore that? Behind every great man is an even better woman, or would you disagree Beako?” he said, now entirely bluster.

“I guess not, I suppose.” She said with a relaxed sigh. She really didn’t know what it was about the new library that had turned Subaru into such a bookworm, but she wasn’t going to complain.

“If this really is a dedication, no wonder this book is a thousand pages long. You don’t need all of these fancy words to get your point across. Whatever happened to a simple, ‘thanks’?”

“That’s my line, Barasu.” Ram said, wheeling in a cart with fresh tea and library approved refreshments.

“Ah, Ram!” Subaru flinched, spinning around to see the oni maid. “Thanks! I don’t think you can really call me out for not saying thanks before you arrived though?”

“There is never a moment in this mansion that Barasu shouldn’t be thanking me.” She said as she poured an indifferent Beatrice a cup of tea.

“How harsh!” he proclaimed melodramatically. “But regardless, I’m surprised that you were able to find us for this impromptu treat. How many doors did you try before this one?”

“This is the opposite of impromptu, I suppose.” Beatrice said as she slowly sipped her tea. “I arranged with Ram where the door to the library will be at noon each day for exactly this purpose.”

“Ah good thinking Beako!” he said in between bites of a lovely dessert. “And Ram of course, let me thank you again now that I know what you actually did.”

“That is more like it Barasu.” Ram said, beaming with pride.

“Betty would like to remind Ram that she made this standing arrangement a week ago. And this is the first time we’ve seen you, I suppose.” The spirit’s comment did nothing to rattle Ram’s confident aura.

“Wait, actually?” Said Subaru.

“I’m a very busy maid Barasu. Do you know how long it took to make this tea?”

“A few minutes?”

“Oh well aren’t you just the perfect tea master.” Ram said, rolling her eyes and finishing unloading the tray.

“Ram, how long are you spending trying to make tea?”

“My dearest apologies Beatrice, the past few days I have been unable to make satisfactory tea before your door shifted to a different part of the mansion. It is only my high standards that trumps my commitment to comfort for all residents of the manor.”

Subaru and Betty shared a glance as they sipped their tea. “This tea is … not good.” their eyes seemed to communicate, unbeknownst to Ram.

As Beatrice returned to her tome, Subaru had an idea. Still in the pursuit of the right way to discuss Return by Death, he wasn’t sure how much he could say without being a burden. Last time had been a disaster, but maybe that was because it was just the two of them? It was worth a try with a buffer.

And maybe this time he wouldn’t start with “I died”. He’d walk back into it a bit.

“Hey Ram, have you ever thought what it would be like if people were like cats?”

“If?” She said with a confused stare. “Go ask Ferris if you are that interested. Or Garfiel, or Frederica.”

“No, no, not a cat person. A person who’s like a cat.”

This time both Beatrice and Ram stared in confusion at him.

“I mean, a person who has cat-like traits. Specifically, nine lives!”

“Barasu, do you think Ferris has … nine lives?”

“No, that was just a thing people would say back home!”

“Barasu, please refrain from sharing the weird prejudices of your homeland against demihumans.”

“Alright, alright enough!” Subaru said, on the defensive. “Let me be very clear! I am not talking about Ferris, or anyone else who walks on two legs! I just mean house cats.”

“And house cats in your home country were killed 8 times over? How barbaric, I suppose.” Beatrice said with a slight shudder.

“No, it’s just a saying. I think it was supposed to mean they were lucky or something? Like they should have died so many times they had 8 extra lives.”

“Makes sense if your people were killing them so much.” Ram said with a repulsion.

“Why did I even bring this up?” he said, throwing his hands up in the air. At least this failure had only blown up in his own face.

“I wouldn’t like it.” Ram said after a moment of reflection.

“You wouldn’t like it? I thought it would be more of a thought provoking question to be honest, not a pass-fail. Isn’t it all upside? I guess you’d have to kill your enemies 9 times over. Geez, killing Sloth at that point would become an algebra problem.” Subaru trailed off at the end.

“I wouldn’t like it.”

“But why?”

“It’s quite simple, but I guess that might still be too much for Barasu.” Ram said smugly. “There is death, and dying. Dying hurts, I think it’s fair to say. But death, Ram has always assumed, is like a peaceful sleep. The dead don’t feel any pain, or sadness. They just rest.”

“All you’ve done is add 8 times the suffering to the equation. We’d all still live and die in the grand scheme of things.”

“Well yeah, I guess. If we zoom out far enough we’re just a speck of dust that will one day be swallowed by the sun. But I think you’re underplaying the impact those extra lives could make in the middle.”

“Why does Barasu even ask me when he clearly has an answer he wants in his head already?” Ram said with a huff. ”Ram has given you the correct answer, do with it as you wish.”

“The question wasn’t even if this was a good thing or not!” he sighed, turning to his spirit. “How about you, Beako?”

“Sorry Subaru, but Ram was right, I suppose.”

“Et tu Betty?”

“Mortal lives start and end, it’s just the way it is, I suppose.” Beatrice sighed. “I see no reason to make them suffer more.”

“You two really can’t see the forest for the trees. I doubt you’d see a tree from its leaf at this point.” Subaru said, grabbing his book in exasperation.

“I’m going to go pick up a book I can actually read, hope you don’t mind if I tag along Ram.” he said, as he skillfully loaded the cart for her.

“I’ll be able to tolerate it.” Ram said with a smile as they bid farewell to Betty. “I warn Barasu, the picture book section is quite sparse.”

“Why does nobody believe I can read? And .. why are we on the other side of the mansion?” Subaru looked up, surprised to be nowhere close to where the cart had to be returned to in the eastern kitchen after leaving the library.

“Maybe the door moved while somebody slowed me down by regaling me with his bigoted opinions on Ferris?”

“Please don’t say it like that Ram” he said with a hand on his temple.

“Subaru?!” A voice that sounded like silver bells squeaked in surprise. “I thought you of all people would be understanding of how Ferris chooses to live his life.”

“Emilia?” His head pivoted like it was on a swivel. “I do, I do! Ram is saying it in a confusing manner. It was because he’s a cat!”

“Subaru, that’s just as bad!”

It was a long conversation in the hallway that day before things were straightened out.

Chapter Text

“I know I could have probably had this conversation with you months ago. But I always have to be very cautious before telling anybody about this. You wouldn’t believe what can happen if I’m not careful.”

Although fully illuminated with artificial lighting, the library did dim at night. It was only at the tables there was a candle providing enough light to get any reading done. Or to have a halfway decent conversation.

“But I think it wasn’t just that. I wasn’t scared something would happen if I told you my secret… I was scared nothing would happen if I did. Because it would mean that you really couldn’t hear me.”

“And maybe that’s for the best. I don’t think you need to know how much I’ve relied on you. How much your hero has leaned on you in the middle of your deep sleep. But we’ve talked so much these past few months and I can’t hold back what I want to talk about the most with you anymore. You deserve to know the truth, even as a dream you’ll never remember.”

There was no reason other than nerves as to why Subaru was pacing back and forth as he spoke. Rem, as always, slept before him. She was sitting in a wheelchair Subaru had helped develop, looking at peace. Her head of course never followed Subaru as he stumbled through a monologue he had been preparing for days, but he made sure he never strayed far from what would have been her line of sight.

“The first thing I want to say is, there is nobody I wanted to tell more than you about my powers. You had every right to mistrust someone with a “blessing” from the witch of envy, someone like me who reeked of Miasma. If only I could have explained things to you, well everything would have been different. Maybe it was for the best the way things turned out. But I want you to know I don’t blame you for anything that happened.”

“And that’s why we don’t need to get into all of the nitty gritty details about my power. But if I were to describe it, it’s like the waves in the ocean. Well, it’s nothing like that really but I want to impress you so let me have this analogy.” Subaru said with a small chuckle.

“I have this power that wears down at everything it touches. Any obstacle I face, I can chip away at slowly and steadily until I can pull through somehow. It’s the reason a shut-in like me can defeat an archbishop. By throwing myself at my enemy, continuously until even the hardest edges wear away.”

“But, I'm not immune to its effects. After just a few weeks of using this power I could feel myself eroding. My beliefs, my integrity, my own self was being ground down. Smoothed over. And eventually I was going to become unrecognizable.”

“I wouldn’t be here without you Rem, and I mean that in many ways. I’m sure I would have run away, a thousand miles from here. And when I looked in a mirror from a far off land I wouldn’t recognize the man staring back at me. You were the one who shielded me from the waves and kept me together. And I hope you know that.”

It would have been too much if Rem shifted in her chair, or the wind blew through her hair. Subaru had hoped that maybe he'd see some sign of comprehension in her as he spoke, but that only happened in fairy tales.

“If you don’t… well, we’ll have this conversation again when you wake up. And maybe I’ll be pacing less then. I can do some grand gestures as I speak. And maybe Beatrice can set off some fireworks at the big emotional moments. And you can leap out of your chair and into my arms at some point, or maybe I’ll leap into your arms! Platonically of course!” Subaru caught himself quickly.

“I guess I just wanted you to know that even the most fantastic power in the world would be wasted on me without your love and friendship.” With that, he stepped forward and crouched down to give an awkward, but emotional hug.

“It’s a lot easier talking with you Rem. I’ve tried this a handful of times now with Beako and it always is a mess. I know that you’re sleeping right now, but honestly I think you would have made this easy even if you were awake.”

“Maybe that’s wishful thinking though. I doubt anyone would let me skirt around the issue as much as I can now.”

“Finally you’ve said something that makes sense.” a stern voice said from across the library, stepping out of the shadows.

“Ram!? How long have you been there?” Subaru nearly jumped out of his skin.

“If Barasu thought he could sneak my sister out of her room in the middle of the night for an instant without being caught he is sorely mistaken.” Ram said, the light of the candle projecting menacing shadows dancing across her face.

“It wasn’t like that, I promise! I even left a note so you wouldn’t get worried!”

“I know.” she said with a tired sigh. “I know you would never do that. I know you too well, or at least I thought I did.”

There was a pause as Subaru’s mind raced trying to figure out what Ram had understood. But before he could figure anything out she continued.

“This room… you brought Rem here because it’s safe to tell her your secret here. Why was that?”

“It’s the only place I’m allowed to talk about it. And whenever anyone else leaves the library they’ll forget all about it.”

“Present company included?” Ram said with a raised eyebrow.

“... Yes. I’m sorry Ram but you’ll never remember this conversation after we leave the library.”

A moment passed as the flame crackled, before the maid walked directly up to Subaru. He tried backing away but he hit a bookshelf, and Ram placed both hands on his shoulders, her eyes boring into with a determination he hadn’t seen before.

“Look at me Subaru. It doesn’t have to be tonight, it doesn’t have to be me. But you need to have this conversation with someone who’s awake. Someone who can ask the tough questions. I might only understand a fraction of what you were talking about but … it did not sound healthy.”

“Ram, I, uhm, did you just call me-”

“Promise me Barasu, and don’t think I won’t punish you for breaking the promise even if I forget!”

“I will! I will, jeez you’re scaring me!” Subaru said, unable to look Ram in the eyes. “I’ve been trying to, I promise. It’s just a really difficult conversation.”

“Then try not to repeat it a dozen times.” She waited until he matched her glare, and finally pushed off of him. She went and grabbed the handles to her sister’s chair.

“Have we had this conversation before?” Ram asked as the thought entered her head.

“No, never! This is all a recent development, I really am trying to talk to somebody quickly.”

“Ha, I should have known. One conversation with Ram would be all Barasu will need.” she said with her typical pride, before softening for a moment. “But if Barasu still struggles, Ram is used to fixing your mistakes. You can always ask Ram for a push in the right direction. Heaven knows you need it.”

“Thanks Ram, I will.” He replied nervously. “Or I wont, because I wont need to. But, well you know what I mean.”

As she pushed Rem towards the door, she paused briefly at the exit.

“Barasu, when I leave what will I think I was doing? How intense is this memory loss?”

“Well, you’ll remember why you came here. And then probably some fake memory about finding Rem in here. I guess we should come up with some sort of alibi of why I brought her here or you might tear me to shreds. Can you think of any idea why I brought her here that wouldn’t end in you dressing me down in the hall?”

Ram pondered for a moment and then raised her finger as if she had just thought of an idea. She then threw a pillow out on the floor of the hallway.

“Interesting, what is that for?”

“It’s so when you grovel before me to apologize that your knees don’t get too sore.” she said with a mischievous smile before wheeling her sister out of the library.

Subaru’s heart fell into his chest as she walked out the door, and immediately yelled out.

“Barasu! Get out here right now!”

At least he got a pillow.

Chapter Text

Beatrice’s library had been designed for limited capacity. There was her chair of course, luxurious and regal. There was another chair, much more plain, to be used when her Contractor visited. And that was it. There was of course room for more chairs. In fact the library even had several tables with no places to sit. They were left as a statement, reminding whoever was visiting that they shouldn’t plan on getting comfortable.

However, the interior design was ignored today as Subaru stood before a small crowd that had pushed their way into the Library. Emilia sat in his usual chair, with Ram and Otto standing beside her. Petra knelt down on the floor, and Garfiel sat beside her. Subaru felt like the Emilia camp had come together for story time. Which wasn’t necessarily a lie.

He had meant to invite Emilia into the library, and finally tell her about his ability to Return by Death. But on their way they ran into Garfiel and Otto, and when Emilia mentioned “Subaru’s exciting secret” they of course insisted on tagging along.

“You guys realize this is a complete violation of the bro code right?” Subaru had said, annoyed.

“What, was Cap’n going to confess his love to Emilia for the 15th time? That ain’t a secret, don’t try and pretend this is some lovey dovey meetup.” Garfiel and Otto both chuckled at that. The most frustrating part for Subaru was how Emilia was clearly stifling her own giggle.

Once Ram and Petra saw the convoy marching through the halls they of course “had to clean the library next”.

“I’ve never seen you clean the library once Ram.” Subaru said in exasperation.

“All the more reason for Ram to get started now.” The maid said with a smirk.

Subaru considered making a final stand outside the library, but seeing Patrasche heading towards the group from the hallway window he decided to cut his losses and quickly ushered the ensemble inside.

“Well, thanks for coming here everyone. Or mostly Emilia, but I guess this is something you all deserve to hear.” Subaru said, awkwardly standing in front of the group like he was about to present his homework to the class.

“I have a secret, something I’ve never been able to tell people until now. It’s going to be a lot to wrap your head around, but I promise it’s all the truth.” The audience for the most part was listening closely, curious what had made their friend so serious.

“I have this ability, it’s called Return by Death. I mean, I guess it’s just me who calls it that but let's move along. It means that if I ever were to die, I am instead transported back in time so that I can act differently.”

There was silence from the crowd. Otto was stunned, Garfiel was struggling to understand what his captain had just said, but Emilia was the most focused of the bunch. Her eyes were wide and locked on Subaru.

“You promise this isn’t one of your jokes? I reaaaaaally wont find it funny if this is a prank! ” She said as she glared into his soul.

“I swear on my honour as your knight Emili-tan.”

“Oh thank goodness!”

In all the scenarios Subaru has planned for today, not in his wildest dreams did he see Emilia reacting so positively. She was giddy, bouncing in her seat as her eyes started to tear up.

“Uh, I’m glad you are ok with this Emilia…” her knight awkwardly responded.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, brushing her eyes and trying to bring her smile under control. “It’s just, I’ve been so, so, so worried about you!”

“I owe you so much, but it just eats me up imagining you going out there and fighting the witch cult with nothing but a whip! You truly are a miracle worker, but every time you fight I feel like you’re never coming back. But now even if the worst were to happen, heaven forbid, you’d be ok!”

“No wonder Cap’n is so reckless.” Garfiel said with a hearty laugh. “I guess this power gives you the extra confidence to live life on the edge!”

“Wow, another incredible thing about Subaru.” Petra said, elbowing a much less enthusiastic Ram. “Although it honestly sounds like a bit of a waste. If even the archbishop of sloth couldn’t kill you, who knows when he’ll ever use this ability?”

“If Barasu keeps trailing mud into the kitchen we’ll find out soon enough.” Ram said light heartedly.

“Still, this is no excuse to go and get cocky Subaru!” Emilia said, trying to calm herself down. “I don’t want you going out there and putting yourself in a position where you could ever… what’s wrong?”

Subaru was flop sweating, his hands awkwardly shifting together in front of him as he tried to explain himself. But Otto beat him to the punch.

“Natsuki-san, Return by Death isn’t a one time use ability is it?” He said cautiously. Subaru shook his head in affirmation.

“Oh. I guess that is… better?” Emilia said, confused by Otto, and even more so Subaru’s, dour mood.

“Natsuki-san, how many times have you used it?”

There was a long pause. Every mind in the room was racing as they waited for Subaru’s answer.

“Oh my god he’s counting.” Ram said in disbelief and horror. “He doesn’t remember.”

“It’s less than 50, ok!” Subaru quickly shouted out.

Emilia let out a shriek of horror.

“You d- you … 50 times! Subaru! No, no no no. I lied, I lied earlier. I won't be mad, just tell me this was one of your jokes!” Emilia said, shaken and shaking.

“50 times in 18 years? You’ve been dying 2 times a year?” Garfiel said, confused beyond anything else.

“It’s actually a lot closer to 3” Otto said grimly.

“Less than 50! I said less than 50.” Subaru said, his hands raised and trying to calm everyone down.

“You died three times a year as a baby?” Petra said, ugly tears and snot already beginning to stream down her empathetic face.

“No, that would be crazy. I only got this power a few months ago!”

“You’ve died 50 times in a few months!” Ram shouted in disbelief. “Barasu, you need to get it together!”

“Oh, yeah because staying alive is sooo easy.” frustration seeped into his response.

“Has anyone else here died 50 times? How about just once! Anybody?”

“It’s completely unfair for you of all people to be saying this to me.” He mumbled to himself, a little too loudly.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She said, enraged before a thought hit her. A dark, twisted thought she hadn’t had since the early days of Subaru in the mansion.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked softer, with the slightest traces of panic in her voice.
“Guys, calm down ok?” Garfiel stepped in the middle, trying to calm everyone down before turning to Subaru. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but the ability to rewrite life and death? Countless times? How could you possibly do this?”

“Well, uhm, I think it’s an authority. One I got from Satella.”

“Sorry, what?” Garfiel now was the one staggering back in shock. “You’re on a first name basis with the witch of Envy now? When did that happen? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Oh my god, I didn’t even cover that part.” he slapped his forehead. “Why do I practise so much if I’m just going to keep fucking it up from the get go. Uhm, long story short I can’t tell anybody outside of this library. Satella’s rules.”

That was the last straw that broke Emilia. She fell to her knees in the library, looking up at her knight through tear stained eyes.

“Subaru, this isn’t a power. You’ve been cursed by a witch! We’ve all been cursed, to unknowingly send our ally, our friend, to his death. Over and over and over.”

Looking around and taking stock for a moment, it was clear this had been a bust. Emilia was destitute, Petra looked even worse. Ram seemed to be fighting her own inner demons, and Garfiel was about to start punching books. Otto seemed like he took it pretty well. But even though he was trying to stop messing around and actually finish this conversation, even Subaru knew he had to throw in the towel.

“Ok, we’re through the tough part. Now, if we all go to the kitchen I’ve drawn up some plans on how we can fix this.”

“That’s my Cap’n!” Garfiel said, looking for any reason that things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

“Really, you’ve got a plan?” Emilia said, her emotions suffering from severe whiplash.

“Yes, but we need to go now. Come on, let's go!” Subaru said, corralling and pushing his friends towards the library entrance.

“But what would solving things at this point even do? The best we could do is make it so you die for real next time.” Otto said, confused as Garfiel picked him up over his shoulder. “I guess we could make you forget about your suffering?”

“You’re so close.” Subaru said with a sad smile. His friends left the library with tears and determination. Subaru had no idea what fake memory would explain their march to the kitchen but he hoped it was a happy one.

“There is nothing in the kitchen, I suppose?”

“No, but it doesn’t matter. Once they leave the library they lose all their memories of my power…” Turning rapidly, Subaru saw his spirit suddenly standing beside him, her face turned away.

“Then Betty won’t be leaving this library until you explain everything, I suppose.”

Chapter Text

“So, how much of that did you hear?” Subaru asked sheepishly, his hand awkwardly stretched behind his neck as he tried to read his spirit’s expressions.

“Betty heard everything.” She said calmly, with only a slight edge. “I tried to block it out at first as I was in the middle of a fascinating passage when your entourage began yammering, but before I could I heard you say that you could, what was it… return by death?”

To anyone else in the mansion she might have seemed composed, but Subaru knew her too well. Her eyes though dry were a shade redder than normal. Her tiny hands were balled up in uncharacteristic fists. And her voice had the slightest tremble behind it.

“Tell me more about this power of yours. I’m not going to make a scene or go into hysterics like the rest, I suppose.”

“Beako,” he said quietly after a long sigh. “Are you sure? There are going to be some parts that you won’t want to know. I don’t want to burden you with things that never happened.”

“Then don’t!” she said indignantly. “Betty has no interest in ‘what never happened’. But Betty wants, no demands, to know everything about her contractor. Tell Betty everything that happened, every time, I suppose.”

“Well, ok. You might want to sit down for this then. It’s going to take a while.”

“You first, I suppose.”

And so Subaru sat down, and Beatrice climbed onto his lap. And they talked for a long, long time.

“The first day? You died on the very first day you arrived in this world?”

“I mean, isn’t that the day that makes the most sense? I had no idea what was going on! I had no money, no friends, no literacy, and a bag of potato chips. It was a bit of an uphill battle!”

“But you didn’t die of starvation, I suppose. Betty’s Subaru was cut down by an assassin!”

“Right? Even more of a reason!”

“Normal people don’t run into assassins on their first day in a new city, in fact!”

“Since when have you ever wanted me to be normal?” he said with a soft hand brushing her hair.

“Just continue the story, I suppose”

“How many times are you going to die on your very first day!”

“Look, I get better at this as I go, I promise.”

“Betty certainly hopes so!”

“So she killed you.”

“Yes.”

“With her morningstar.”

“Yes.”

“But it’s ‘not that big of a deal’?”

“It was a big misunderstanding, I was being so suspicious at the time. If anyone was at fault it was me, it’s tough to understand if you weren't there.”

“If she ever wakes up, Betty might have to have a meeting with her.”

“A calm friendly meeting where no one gets hurt, right?”

“If they did, Betty can assure you it would be ‘no big deal’.”

“You were the only one who stood by me that time, Beako. I’m so glad I could tell you this part because I never could thank you enough for helping me then.”

“Betty knows how you can repay her.” she said quietly.

“How so?”

“Never, ever make any version of Betty watch as you take your own life. I promise you the pain you felt when you hit the ground was felt tenfold by that girl watching you. By me.”

“I… I’ll try my best.”
“Can’t you just humour Betty for one moment?” She said, frustration seeping into her tone. “What will it matter when I leave this room and forget everything anyways. Just promise me for now, I suppose. Betty won’t remember when you break it.”

“I would.” Subaru said calmly. “Don’t think I treat these memories only I remember as any less important than those we share. Every version of Beako I’ve met is special to me.”

“As they should be, I suppose.” Beatrice said, choosing not to add that her current self should be the most special of all.

“We can jump ahead at this part, Betty doesn’t wish to know how many times it took to defeat the whale.”

“Actually we pulled it off on the first try.”

“Wandering around the capital took 4 tries, and slaying the white whale of legend took 1? Explain that to me, I suppose.”

“I guess I just got the swing of things?”

“So was that the last time you died then?”

“... ok I mean I didn’t say I was perfect.”

“In one of your ‘loops’ you died to the Great Rabbit?”

“Yeah.”

Betty hopes it was quick, I suppose.”

“It wasn’t.” He said, his mind elsewhere for a moment. “It really wasn’t.”

“Subaru.” She said gently, grabbing his hand in hers.

“I hope you don’t mind that I had a bit of practice getting you out of the library back then. I always feel like I’m cheating when it works out like that.”

“Betty’s contractor did in a handful of tries what she failed to do every morning for 400 years. Betty will never be able to thank you enough, let alone be upset with you.”

“You know that you also helped me so much ever since I came here right? Don’t act like you are in my debt or anything.”

Betty just nodded noncommittally.

It had taken hours but he had finally gotten everything off his chest. And Betty had done a wonderful job listening. They had taken breaks when it got too difficult, he had brushed her hair when she couldn’t hold back her tears. She had even managed to console him on the occasional moment he couldn’t justify as just a part of the job. She had done a magnificent job of keeping it together. She was sure more tears would come later, when he had left and she could truly process what had happened. Because she had no plans to ever forget what she had heard today.

“It’s not that big a deal, Betty loves her new library. She wouldn’t mind spending more time here.”

“I’m not going to let you close yourself off to the world again, we just worked through all this!”

“It was a wonderful few months, I have satisfied my curiosity for the outside world!” She said, crossing her arms. “And if I have any further itches to scratch, you can tell me all about what happens outside of my library when you visit.”

“Beako, if I have to pick you up and throw you I’m not above doing so. I refuse to let you throw away all of the progress you’ve made.”

“And so Betty should just let you throw her away? Subaru, we only scratched the surface today. Betty wants to have this conversation again, and again until you know that she understands.”

“If we want to have this conversation again, I promise I’ll try again in a few days after your memories-”

“No! That’s not what Betty meant! These conversations need to build on each other, I suppose! You’re never going to get anywhere doing the same thing over and over with little differences.”

“You’d be surprised,” he said with a smirk. Beako’s frown turned into a scowl. ”I won't let you turn into a shut-in who can’t even join me for dinner. It’s a non-starter. And you’d do the same thing if the roles were reversed.”

The standstill lasted for an uncomfortable moment before Beatrice sighed.
“You really never would accept it, I suppose.”

“Never.”

“Well then, Betty’s contractor is fortunate she has a ‘plan b’.”

“Betty’s contractor is fortunate for every little thing Beako bestows on him.” Subaru said with a growing grin on his face.

“Betty will not be leaving the library for a few days still. And she will require a journal, and lots of ink.”

Chapter Text

One might think that a spirit who locked themselves in a library for four centuries would tire of books, but Beatrice never did. They had been her escape, a way to live vicariously on the page as her real world drew ever smaller. But even now as her world had grown, she constantly found more reasons to read. And none brought her more joy than reading to her contractor.

Well, the funny thing is that she could barely remember the actual act of reading to him. It was more the impact she could feel it had on Subaru. It had started on a whim a few months ago, when he had been having particularly bad dreams. For some reason, she thought maybe a calming nursery rhyme would soothe his restless mind. After they left the library that night, he slept like a log.

So whenever she saw the weight of the world bearing down on her contractor too much, she would whisk him away to the library. And through the magic of books, or something (it really was quite fuzzy), he would soon be much, much better. She loved that she had the ability to help him. A small way to pay him back for all of his help to her.

As luck would have it, it was looking like one of those days. This time his sour mood seemed to hit him like a brick. One moment he was going on and on about him and Garfiel’s plan to clear out the local Mabeasts over breakfast, and then in an instant he was all shaken up. He tried to play it off, and he was annoyingly good at doing so, but Betty could see the hesitation in every word he spoke. But things were different now, and Subaru eventually just sighed and threw his arms crossed over behind his head.

“You noticed huh?”

“Of course, I suppose.”

“Alright, I know I don’t have any choice at this point. You go pick a story and I’ll meet you in the library in a few moments.”

Betty triumphantly scurried off to her library as her contractor finished his meal. She was always the first one there, and it made sense as she knew where every book was. As she started scanning the rows she realized two odd facts.

There are only 5 books in this library, why on earth would it take anytime at all to scour them?
There were absolutely no suitable books for nursery rhymes and fairy tales. They were mostly Yin Magic tomes with the odd historical war text.

And then she realized the most puzzling fact of all. Tucked off to the side, right at her eyeline was a 6th book she had never seen before. In fine engraving down the spine it said “Beatrice’s Journal”. And in ugly chicken scratch on the cover it said “BEAKO’S EYES ONLY”. Carefully she picked it up, and in big, bold letters the first page simply said.

“Do not flip through this book. Read each page in order.”

Beatrice was not one to be told what to do, but she made an exception for this book. Especially as the author appeared to have her handwriting.

The next page had a few simple rules on it.

“Before turning the page, make sure you are sitting down and comfortable.”

“Do not let any tear drops land on the book. Those add up over time and these pages are difficult to write. There is a tissue in the back sleeve, please use it.”

“You’ll understand everything by the time you’re done.”

Sure enough, in the back of the book was Beatrice’s handkerchief she lost months ago. She could feel dread seeping into her, but her curiosity overpowered it. She took the book to her chair and sat down. After a moment of great trepidation, she flipped the page again.

This page was the most surreal yet. It looked like a guest book, and it was one Beatrice had signed a dozen times. She followed the instructions on the page, writing her name and the date. Her writing was a perfect match for the row above it, but she had no memory writing it. On the other side of the guest list was one more note addressed to the reader.

“The rest of this book is many things, but above all else it is the truth.”

With absolutely no idea what was coming next, Beatrice turned the page and found journal entries in her own writing. She could tell there had been revisions, and then revisions upon the revisions. The journal spoke directly to her, acknowledging how odd this situation must be. And it gently, carefully walked her down the path of returning by death.

***

When Subaru entered the library an hour later, he brought with him a cup of hot cocoa just like always. Betty always tried to act like she was fine, like her journal had broken the news to her in the perfect way so that it wasn’t even that bad, really. And while he was sure there was a shred of truth in that, he still knew she needed the hot chocolate.

“Now it all makes sense, I suppose.” Betty sniffed as her contractor gently took her seat so she could climb back on his lap. “I never understood why you were bringing me hot chocolate when I was the one cheering you up.”

“Hey, you’re still the one cheering me up!” he said with a half chuckle. “It’s just, with a few extra details in the middle.”

“So, was it the Wolgrams?” Betty asked after a long pause.

“Heh, you’d think so.” He said with a slight wince. “I mean, they were there of course. But I slipped, and we were on a cliff, and well, you know how it goes.”

“Betty wants to hear it from you. Let Betty listen to your story, I suppose.”

“Ok, well I guess it was a bit different this time. I mean, I’ve fallen off cliffs before.” A quick glare from Betty reminded Subaru of his promises. “Just one cliff! Before today I mean. It’s not like a hobby of mine.”

“Go on.” She said with a slightly forced eye roll.

“But that first time, I died instantly. This time, it took longer. I was still conscious when Garfiel carried me back to camp. And– and I could see everyone’s reaction.” He managed to say with a slight stutter.

“Oh Subaru, that must have been horrible.” Betty said gently, readjusting herself to be slightly more snuggled into his lap.

“It was. It really, really was.”

They sat in that chair, together for another few hours, working through memories not quite lost.

***

Beako had done it again. She couldn’t remember anything specific, not really, but she had managed to read such a fantastic story she could almost see the weight lifted off Subaru’s chest. She truly was a miracle worker.

“We should do this more often.” She said with a proud smile as she walked with Subaru through the mansion.

“Heh, we’ll see about that.” he said with a nervous laugh, before taking a moment to think. “Beako, I used to worry about how I could open up to you.”

“As if Betty needs her contractor to tell her that.” she scoffed. “You’ve always been the type to hide your true thoughts close to your chest. Hidden behind all your ridiculous proclamations.”

“You’re not wrong.” he laughed. “I used to worry about the right thing to say, thinking I could just figure it out if I just kept trying hard enough. But you know what I learned?”

“To stop worrying and just talk to Beatrice, I suppose?”

“Exactly. There is no right thing to say. Or maybe there is, but if I have to try a hundred times that’s just part of the process.”

“You are always surprisingly profound after we read our nursery rhymes.” Betty commented, perplexed by her partner.

“Look at that, you’re still learning new things about me every day.” he said with a toothy smile lighting up his face.

“As if, I suppose.” she thought to herself with a small smile of her own.