Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Regulus had his entire life planned out. Go to a prestigious private school that would ensure he got into an Ivy League college. Attend said Ivy League school. Major in Psychology. Become a psychologist. Open his own business. Get really fucking rich. Retire early. Travel everywhere.

Regulus never accounted for certain things not going according to his carefully crafted plan. Regulus didn’t account for his father losing his job. Orion was ill-tempered, losing his cool at all the wrong times. It didn’t surprise Regulus that his father was fired, but it left his parents unable to pay for the prestigious private school he attended for the first three years of high school, Durmstrang. This left Regulus with no choice but to attend the public school, Hogwarts High School.

Regulus didn’t have a problem with Hogwarts, per say. It was highly ranked in terms of academics among other public schools. But it didn’t feed students directly into the Ivy League schools, which made his goals a bit harder to reach. It was no matter. Regulus could handle a challenge. 

Sirius attended Hogwarts, which Regulus supposed was a bit of a light in the darkness. He hadn’t seen much of his brother since they parted ways for school, though they were still close. Regulus spent his time holed up in his room, studying, while Sirius spent most of his time joking around with his friends. Regulus knew his brother was rather popular, as were his friends. Peter Pettigrew. Remus Lupin. James Potter. They were the main group, dubbed the Marauders by the student body (which Regulus thought was extremely stupid). There were others in their friend group, including Mary MacDonald, Marlene McKinnon, and Lily Evans. Mary was known to be the most popular girl in school, while also being one of the kindest. Marlene was deadly with a guitar in her hand. Lily was Regulus’s competition. Now that Regulus was attending public school, he had to earn the top spot as Valedictorian. Lily was wickedly smart. Regulus spent all of middle school in the same grade as these people, so he knew them all well. 

Sirius was technically two years older than Regulus, but he had a late birthday, so he went to school with the year younger. Regulus skipped a grade, which put them in the same year throughout school. Now they would be entering their senior year together. 

Another bright side of Regulus’s change in schooling was his friends. As soon as they heard he wouldn’t be attending Durmstrang, they dropped out and joined Hogwarts with him. He was eternally grateful for all of them. 

Regulus was shook from his thoughts by the alarm blaring again, though he was sure he had just snoozed it seconds ago. He hated mornings, and he practically tossed the alarm clock across the room by hitting it too hard. He stood up, dressing quickly in plain black pants and a green t-shirt, fixing his hair in the mirror. When he was ready just a few minutes later, he knocked on Sirius’s door, prying it open. “Sirius, you have to get up if you wanna be on time.”

Sirius threw a pillow at the door, rolling over and burying his head in the blankets. “Leave me alone, Reggie, I have first period out.”

Regulus had forgotten that his brother neglected to fill his schedule, leaving his first period empty for extra time to sleep. He cursed himself for not doing the same. Walking down the stairs, he found his mom standing at the table, on her phone. “Good morning.”

Regulus gave her an impatient smile. “Morning. Are you ready?”

Technically, Regulus should’ve known how to drive. He was old enough, but he didn’t even have his permit. He neglected to do driver’s ed, since he spent the time after school doing an intense physical therapy workout program to nurse his most recent injury from soccer the year prior. Regulus had played soccer for over ten years, and he used to want to play in college. Several injuries set him back from this goal, and he no longer wanted the same thing. He had recovered, though, and now that he was healthy and playing soccer again, he still didn’t know how to drive. Another smaller and more embarrassing reason for this that Regulus would never admit was that he was terrified. Regulus dismissed the thought as his mother took her time putting on her coat.

Regulus plugged his phone into the aux cord, his music filling the silent car for the short drive. When they arrived, she gave him a tight smile. “Have a good day, Regulus. I love you.”

Regulus pried the car door open, stepping out. “You too. Love you.”

He cringed as the words fell from his lips before shutting the door as his mother drove away. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her, though sometimes he questioned it. Their relationship was strained by many things including the importance she placed on Regulus’s soccer career. She wanted him to play in college, and after the sixth injury, he gave up. She gave him a hard time for it, encouraging him to continue. Regulus had wanted to quit for a while, but she never really gave him the option. He hated her for it, and at this point, he had said so many empty ‘I love you’s’ that he had forgotten the meaning. He was convinced he had forgotten how to feel everything, his once potent emotions replaced by a numb feeling that remained in his stomach.

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts as he stepped into the parking lot. He had arrived early, just to be safe, and as he stepped through the fence, lifting up his head, it appeared that the entire student body was standing in the parking lot. Cars were colored with neon letters and drawings, and people peaked out from the sunroof as others took pictures of them and their friends. The entire thing was a photoshoot with less than ideal surroundings. 

Regulus scowled, turning towards the building when a hand latched onto his shoulder. He spun around to see Barty grinning at him before he pulled Regulus into a hug. “Happy first day, Regulus.”

Regulus pushed Barty off, which prompted him to start laughing as he pulled Regulus towards the far end of the parking lot, where Pandora, Evan, and Dorcas were waiting. Dorcas rolled her eyes as she looked at Regulus. “Finally. We were waiting here forever.”

Pandora approached a random girl walking by, asking her to take their picture. Regulus fought the urge to roll his eyes as he stood in front of Pandora’s white Jeep littered with cliche sayings like ‘End of Beginning’ and ‘Last First Day,’ posing with his friends. The photo was on his friends’ Instagram two minutes later. Regulus reluctantly posted the photo as well at Pandora’s insistence. The four of them started towards the building, walking together. Evan scanned the app on his phone with their schedules. “What do you guys have first period again?”

Barty pulled the app up on his own phone. “I have math with you, Ev.”

Regulus looked at his own, double checking the room number. “AP Environmental Science. But we still have another twenty minutes before we have to be there.”

Just as they walked into the building, the Dean, Mr. Dumbledore called Regulus over. “Regulus, it’s good to see you. I had heard you were returning to the district.”

Regulus smiled politely, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Good to see you as well, I’m happy to be back.”

Mr. Dumbledore smiled before gesturing for Regulus to follow. He complied, and they ended up in his office. Regulus sat down in the chair as Mr. Dumbledore took his own seat. He scrolled through the computer, clicking random buttons. “I know you don’t know the school very well, so I figured I’d arrange for one of our students to give you a tour. Your friends came for the tour of the school over the summer, but I was sorry to hear you had to miss it.”

Regulus coughed awkwardly, grimacing. “Yes, I’m sorry as well, I wasn’t feeling particularly well that day.”

Mr. Dumbledore waved a hand through the air with an easy smile. “It’s no matter. We still have fifteen minutes so the student can show you around for a bit before first period. Ah, here he is now.”

Regulus turned around to see none other than James Potter stroll into the room. He wanted to scoff, but bit his lip until it bled. Regulus had a complicated relationship with him. When Sirius first bonded with James in sixth grade, Regulus was jealous and proceeded to hate James for the entire year. In seventh grade, James handed Regulus a sunflower he picked for his birthday and apologized for whatever he had done to make Regulus hate him. Regulus couldn’t hate James after that. In fact, young Regulus Black had a small, almost nonexistent crush on James for the next two years, until he went to Durmstrang and hardly saw him. He still saw James around the house and with Sirius, but it was much less often, and his childish feelings faded. Now, he found James slightly annoying, egotistical and confident in the way only popular kids are, especially the athletes who are treated like God’s gift to the world. Being captain of the football team and one of the most popular kids in school, James Potter’s ego could fill the entire school.

He strutted into the room looking way too confident, his tan skin glinting in the fluorescent light, unruly curly hair bouncing atop his head, towering over Regulus with his obscene height. He smiled his signature grin, which was slightly crooked but just as blinding as Regulus remembered. His round glasses rested on the tip of his nose, and he wore a red t-shirt that spelled ‘Potter’ on the back. His smile widened when he saw Regulus. “Regulus.”

There was a teasing glint in his tone as he stood in the doorframe, leaning against it with his arms crossed. Mr. Dumbledore smiled, clasping his hands together. “I figured you two might know each other because of Sirius. Splendid. I’ll let James take over your introduction. Have a great first day, Regulus.”

Regulus stood up, collecting his bag as he followed James out of the office. “You agreed to give me a tour?”

James grinned at him over his shoulder. “I don’t usually give new students tours but I figured I’d make an exception.”

James winked, slipping into the effortless charm everyone adored. Regulus just rolled his eyes, knowing James’s antics all too well. James clapped his hands together, falling into stride with Regulus. “I know you’ve been here before so we’ll skip the basics, and I’ll tell you all the things you really need to know.”

Regulus scoffed, wishing he went to that stupid summer tour. “Oh, good, a personal tour from Hogwarts’s golden boy.”

James winked again, grinning impossibly wider. “Consider yourself lucky. This is the main hallway. It gets insanely crowded literally all the time.” They turned around the corner and to the right. “That’s the English wing. The gym is straight ahead and the athletic fields are out back. To the left is the science wing. You can leave through those doors for lunch, it’s off campus so you’re allowed to go anywhere outside of school as long as you can get back in forty-two minutes. The art hallway is behind us, and the second and third floors are just the room numbers in order, obviously, and the library is on the second floor towards room 200.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, now standing in the gym lobby beside James. “What a great tour.”

James shrugged, leaning against the vacant table beside them. “We only have like ten minutes, I had to give you the compressed version.”

Regulus snorted, looking around and taking in every detail. “I’m starting to see why you don’t usually give tours. You said the library is on the second floor?”

James nodded, hopping up to sit on the table with practiced ease. “Yep, but you’re not going to like it.”

Regulus turned to face James, raising his eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

James hopped down, never one to sit still for long as he paced around the empty space. Most of the students remained in the parking lot for their photoshoot. “It’s like three shelves and then a bunch of tables for studying. Not a ton of books.”

Regulus headed for the stairs, wanting to see it, and James trailed behind. When he reached the doors, he found that James was right. It was extremely underwhelming and could barely be called a library. There were four shelves off to the right filled with books and another one that wrapped around the front of the library, but it was only about a foot tall. The rest of the room was scattered with armchairs and tables. Computers and a printer were pushed against the nearest wall. Empty conference rooms lined the walls, and a librarian sat behind the desk, reading. James stepped in front of him with a sly grin. “I told you you wouldn’t like it.”

Regulus scrunched up his face. After all the time they had known each other, James knew a bit about Regulus, and that never failed to make Regulus’s stomach squirm. “It’s… fine.”

James shook his head with a laugh, earning a shush from the librarian. “It must pain you to lie to yourself like that.”

Regulus threw his hands up as his features twisted in disgust. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “You can’t even call this a library. It’s a disgrace. There’s probably less than a hundred books in here.”

James laughed, gesturing for Regulus to follow him out. “I told you so.”

Regulus shook his head as he followed James out, nearly bumping into him where he was standing in the hall, looking at Regulus curiously. “Are you taking AP Lit?”

Regulus nodded, biting his lip. “Yeah, why?”

James shrugged, starting to walk beside Regulus down the hallway. “The English teachers have access to the storage rooms for the books assigned for English classes. You can get some of the classics there if you ask.”

Regulus made a mental note of that as he fell silent. James was never one to sit in silence, so he quickly filled it. “So, are you trying out for the soccer team?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, a familiar dread pooling into his stomach. “I guess.”

He muttered the words under his breath, and James leaned in, clearly not having heard. “Huh?”

Regulus shook his head, speaking louder. “Yes.”

James smiled softly, though his eyes studied Regulus intently. “Well, good luck.” Regulus forced a smile before James continued talking. “Football tryouts start today, you know. And at the end of the week, we have to vote for captain.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, not wanting anything to do with the conversation. “I’m sure you’ll vote for yourself, Potter.”

James smirked, his eyes falling to the ground. “We’re not allowed to. I think I’m gonna vote for Sirius and Peter.”

Regulus looked up, huffing out a laugh. “Wow, I’m terribly shocked.”

James held up his hands defensively. “They’re good players. Sirius had the most touchdowns of any of us last year, and Peter is a force on defense.”

Regulus just smirked, starting towards the stairs at the end of the hallway. “Yes, I’m sure that’s why you’re voting for them.”

James bounded up the stairs, frowning. “It is!”

Regulus just rolled his eyes as they reached the third floor before realizing he had crossed the hallway for no reason, and was now standing on the opposite side of the building as his first period class. James followed him, and Regulus snapped his head towards him. “Don’t you have a class to get to?”

James just shrugged, eyes fixed on Regulus. “My class is this way.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, muttering quietly. “Of course it is.”

There was a long pause before Regulus broke the silence, remembering that he needed to ask. “Potter.” James hummed in response, turning towards Regulus before he continued. “Where do the buses come at the end of the day?”

James cocked his head to the side as he looked at Regulus. “You take the bus?”

Regulus’s cheeks flushed with shame. He knew he should start learning to drive. He couldn’t bring himself to. “I missed driver’s ed because of a thing with an injury last year, so yeah. Where is it?”

James didn’t answer, opting to pick apart Regulus’s decisions instead. “Why don’t you have Sirius take you? Or one of your friends?”

Regulus scowled, trying to keep his patience. “Because Sirius also has ninth period out. And my friends live on the other side of town.”

James smiled, shaking his head fondly. “I forgot Sirius took so many out periods. I can drive you if you’d like, it’s no problem.”

Regulus glared at him. “You live on the other side of town. No. Why don’t you just tell me where the buses are?”

James still ignored the question. “Yeah, but you’ll get out of practice when I do, so I can just take you.”

Regulus shook his head. “Sirius gets out of practice when you do, so he can take me. I need the bus for after the season. Can you just tell me where it is?”

James frowned before sighing. “Between the middle staircase on the first floor towards the back of the building. Go down those few steps and into the back parking lot.”

Regulus let out a breath, noticing the hallways filling with students now. He really did not want to be caught talking to James Potter of all people, center of all attention. He swore he saw girls swoon as James smiled at them, along with a few guys. This school was pathetic, truly. Regulus was beginning to miss Durmstrang. He stopped outside his classroom, spinning around to face James. “This is my class. You know, I didn’t really need an escort.”

James smirked in a way that made Regulus unsettled. “Just an added bonus. After you.”

Regulus nearly let out a groan of frustration. “You’re in this class?”

James’s smirk spread into a wide grin as Regulus walked inside, and James followed. “Yep. Looks like we’re gonna be spending a lot of time together, Reg.”

Regulus fought the urge to turn around, leave, and beg his parents to homeschool him. Fucking James Potter. 

Chapter Text

When the teacher announced that the seats were alphabetical, Regulus let out a sigh of relief knowing that he wouldn’t have to sit next to James. This teacher’s version of alphabetical, however, was not quite Regulus’s definition. It was a science class, and the desks were set up with two seats at each one. The teacher went alphabetically from the first seat on the right to the last seat in the back, then skipped the left seat and went to the next chair in the second row of desks. This strange order had Regulus sitting in the back of the first row on the left side. As the teacher continued going through names, it was just Regulus’s luck that his partner for the rest of the year for two periods each day was James Potter. Lovely. James grinned at him as he sat. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, gaze fixed on the front of the room. “I’m thrilled.”

James was facing him, his head leaning against the palm of his hand as his elbow rested on the desk. “Regulus.”

Regulus turned his head to look at him, glaring. “Oh, you’re still talking.”

James’s grin grew impossibly wider. “People tend to do that.”

Regulus fought the urge to slam his head against the table. “Not this much.”

James waved his hand through the air in a dismissive manner. “I was wondering-”

Regulus lowered his voice to mutter under his breath. “You’re not done.”

James wasn’t at all deterred. “...if you’re going to the football game on Friday.”

Regulus tilted his head back, calling on the patience he didn’t have. “Why do you care?”

James shrugged, still facing Regulus. “I’ve decided we’re friends now.”

Regulus scoffed, shaking his head. “We are not friends.”

James ran a hand through his messy hair, which he oddly pulled off. “So are you coming?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, pulling out his notebook from his backpack. “Yes. Sirius is playing.”

James’s grin settled into something a little more genuine, his lips pressed together as he turned to face the front of the room. Regulus’s gaze lingered on him for a second too long before he refocused his attention on the teacher. Regulus spent the entire double period trying not to pay too much attention to James, who was fidgeting beside him, making quiet remarks under his breath, and just generally not paying attention. It was infuriating, truly, and Regulus practically ran from the room when the bell rang before James could catch up. He headed down the stairs and to his next classroom, greeting the teacher. “Hi, Mrs. McGonagall. I’m Regulus Black.”

She stood up and extended her hand, which he quickly shook. “Lovely to meet you, Regulus. I’ve heard great things. I sent you the syllabus, yes?” Regulus nodded as she continued. “We’re just doing some brief introductions today and going over the syllabus. I read some of the work you sent me. It’s brilliant, truly. I’m happy to have you as my intern.”

Regulus couldn’t help the way his lips spread into a smile. “Thank you, I’m happy to be here. The students speak very highly of you.”

Mrs. McGonagall smiled as she gestured to the desk on the other side of the room. “You can sit at that desk.”

Regulus nodded and took his seat, looking out at the class. There were five circular tables, but only four were occupied with four students each. They ranged from freshmen to seniors, and Regulus didn’t recognize anyone. He had decided to intern for the Creative Writing class at the school over the summer. It wasn’t an extremely popular class, so he got the position easily. He heard about interning from Sirius, who interned for some sports class last year. It was basically just acting as an assistant teacher in the course, so Regulus decided to do it. He had always loved writing, seeking comfort and an escape in his stories, and he had even finished a first draft of his novel idea, though it was in dire need of editing. This class was the one he was most excited for. 

The period was uneventful, as Regulus introduced himself and Mrs. McGonagall droned on about the syllabus, though she said it was flexible and subject to change. As Regulus headed for the door, she stopped him. “Regulus, if you have any ideas about projects or assignments, please let me know. You are welcome to do all the assignments and present them as examples if you wish, or just help with teaching and grading. This is a new class for me, so I’m just doing it as I go. Feel free to give feedback or opinions or anything. I’m excited to work with you this year.”

A grin spread across Regulus’s face. “Thank you, I’m excited to work with you as well. And I’d be happy to do the assignments as well.”

She smiled as he left the room. A few periods later, Regulus entered the library during his lunch period. The schedule was separated into Day 1s and Day 2s. On Day 1s, he had seventh period lunch with none of his friends, so he opted to spend his time in the library getting work done, where food was strictly prohibited. Regulus didn’t really mind. On Day 2s, he had lunch with Barty, Evan, Dorcas, and Pandora, so he considered himself lucky to be with them at least one of the days. 

The end of the day arrived before Regulus knew it, and he was walking towards the locker room, where Barty and Evan were waiting, bags in hand. Barty bumped his shoulder as they all entered, heading to their assigned row. “Are you excited for tryouts?”

Regulus bit his lip, ignoring the rush of anxiety at the statement. “Yeah.”

He could feel Barty and Evan’s gaze on him, but he opted to ignore it, changing in silence before following his friends out to the field. Mrs. Hooch was rumored to be a great but strict coach, and she lived up to these expectations in practice. They ran two miles and six timed sprints, which Regulus passed, but barely. He had been having trouble breathing lately, and he was supposed to hear from his doctors with the results from the latest test within the next week. The tryout mostly consisted of drills, which Regulus aced, and when it was finally over, he let out a sigh of relief, taking his time to get his things and head off the field. 

When he finally left the field after being the last one there, he nearly bumped into James as he rounded the corner from the other field. “Oh, hi. How were tryouts?”

Regulus grimaced as he readjusted the bag on his shoulder. “Fine.”

James smiled, though his eyes lingered on Regulus’s face. “Most people would ask how my tryouts were.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, gaze trained forward. “Yes, well, I’ve come to notice that most people at this school fall all over themselves for you, so go talk to one of them about your tryouts. I don’t particularly care.”

Regulus quickened his pace, but James kept in stride with him. “My tryouts were great. I voted for Frank and Sirius, for your information. Wormy is a bit shy to be captain.”

Regulus cringed at the stupid nickname. “Why do you and your friends insist on calling each other the dumbest names I’ve ever heard?”

James grinned, taking a long swig from his water bottle. “That’s a Marauders secret.”

Regulus just scoffed at the group name before falling silent. James, of course, decided to fill said silence. “Who are you voting for captain for soccer?”

Regulus shrugged, staring at the ground. “I don’t know. I don’t really know any of the players yet.”

James nodded just as they reached the parking lot, and Regulus turned away from him without another word, walking towards Sirius’s car. He let out a breath once he was shut inside the passenger seat. Sirius raised an eyebrow, glancing in the rearview mirror. “Why were you walking with James?”

Regulus groaned, leaning his head against the window. “He won’t leave me alone.”

Sirius laughed as he pulled out of the parking spot. “He tends to stick.” He rolled down the window as they passed James’s car, yelling out: “Bye Prongs, I love you!”

There was the muffled yell of, “I love you, too!” Sirius pulled out of the parking spot, and they drove home in a comfortable silence. Sirius didn’t ask about his day, likely knowing that Regulus didn’t want to talk about it. 

When they walked in the door, Sirius headed upstairs to shower while their mom called for Regulus from the kitchen. She was standing there with his dad, the phone face up on the counter between them. She smiled when he walked in. “Hey, sweetie, how was practice?”

Regulus slumped into the seat, letting his bag fall to the floor. “Good. What’s up?”

She exchanged a look with Regulus’s dad before turning to him again. “The doctor called. He says you have some sort of vocal cord dysfunction and to make an appointment with a speech pathologist. I set one up for tomorrow morning before school. Is that ok?”

Regulus just nodded as he stood up and walked upstairs, feeling particularly numb.

***

The pathologist’s office looked like every other medical building. They traveled up several floors before entering a waiting room for ten minutes until they were called in. Inside the next door, there was a treadmill with flags of varying colleges plastered across the wall. It must have been a million degrees in the office. Regulus shuddered at the thought of using it. Inside the next door was a traditional office with a bald man sitting beside the desk and two chairs that Regulus and his mom took. The doctor went through a series of medical history questions before asking Regulus to complete several embarrassing vocal cord exercises such as holding a buzzing sound for as long as possible. He clicked several buttons in silence once Regulus was done. “Ok, so you do have this vocal cord condition, it’s called Paradoxical Vocal Cord Motion Disorder. Essentially, when you run, your vocal cords close and make it harder to breathe. The way to treat it is to recreate the exercise that gives you the episodes where you can’t breathe and coach you through them. We can start today. Do you have sneakers on?”

The words echoed in Regulus’s head as he was led into the hot room with the treadmill and instructed to run. It started slow until the pathologist, Dr. Brennan, ramped up the speed until Regulus was straining to keep up. He felt the familiar burn of his lungs, the feeling of shallowness as he couldn’t take a sufficient breath. The room started to spin, and Regulus was gasping. Distantly, he could hear the pathologist telling him to breathe through his stomach, but he stumbled off the treadmill until he was bent over, hands braced against his knees while gasping for air that evaded him. The doctor studied him, taking notes. “It will be like that for thirty minutes every session, though I will teach you belly breathing at the start of the next session to help.”

Regulus looked up to see his mom eyeing him with a disappointed look before turning her attention to the doctor. “How soon can we start the next session?”

The doctor paused, pen tapping against his cheekbone. “Once insurance approves it, which should take about three weeks.”

Regulus’s stomach twisted at the thought. Tears pricked at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He followed his mom to the car, enveloped in a tense silence. Regulus spoke quietly. “I don’t want to do it.”

His mom snapped her head towards him. “Why not?”

Regulus sucked in a deep breath. “I have a lot going on already with soccer and a new school, I can’t add something else. Those breathing episodes are hard enough without someone purposefully triggering them and yelling at me to breathe while I gasp for air.”

His mom shook her head, eyes fixed on the road. “You need this for soccer, Regulus. It would help you tremendously.”

The next words fell from Regulus’s lips before he could stop them. “I wish you would let me quit already.”

She didn’t say anything in response, she never did, always ignoring Regulus’s desire to quit. His dad had told him that she felt it was the only way to connect with Regulus because it was the only time he wasn’t shut up in his writing. Regulus despised her for putting her desire to connect with him before what he needed. Soccer had been weighing on him for a long time, giving him anxiety and worsening his self-diagnosed depression. He was almost positive he had depression and had told his mom so. She asked if he wanted to see a professional. Regulus didn’t want to suffer the scrutiny of a pitying therapist, so he declined. She never mentioned it again. Regulus hated her a little bit for ignoring his problems and pretending everything was fine. He wished he could ignore them as easily. He tried again, cutting through the thick silence. “I just… soccer has already been giving me anxiety, and I’ve been going through a lot with the injuries and school, please don’t add something else to that. I’m not even supposed to run on treadmills because of my back”

She scoffed. “It’s a half an hour once a week, it’s not that bad. And your back will be fine, just let him know if it hurts. The surgery was almost two years ago.”

Regulus leaned his head against the window, the tears threatening to fall. “I’ll be anxious about it for days. Please, I can’t handle that.”

Her grip tightened on the steering wheel. “Sometimes we have to push through things we don’t think we could handle. You need to be able to breathe when you run, Regulus. It’s important for when you want to run with your kids when you’re older or if you want to run a marathon later in life.”

Regulus felt the tears fall, sliding down his right cheek which was hidden from his mom. He had no idea how he managed to learn to cry from only one eye to hide it from her. The thing was, Regulus couldn’t handle even one more thing. He was already cracking, threatening to break. His mental health was at an all-time low. She didn’t seem to care. “I’m telling you I don’t know how to survive dealing with one more thing.”

She glanced at him then with tired eyes. “I don’t know what to tell you, Regulus.”

Regulus didn’t have anything left to say after that.

***

Regulus was quiet later that day at school, the usual numbness replacing the overwhelming sadness until he felt empty enough to scream. At this point, he just wanted to cry until his emotions spilled out, but they festered until he was a shell. He was tired of the endless cycle. He could practically feel the bags under his eyes as he sat down at the desk just as the bell rang. James perked up, eyes scanning Regulus’s face. “What’s wrong?”

Regulus reared back, unsure how James had clocked his emotions so fast. “Nothing, I’m just tired. Stayed up reading too late.”

James’s eyes didn’t leave him for the entire class.

***

Friday had come after a long week of adjusting to a new school and dancing around his parents at home, who had basically told him he had to see the speech pathologist once a week, no matter what he needed. He tried not to think about it. Once tryouts were over, and Regulus could let out a breath, he headed home to get ready for the football game. His mom called up the stairs to him. “Hi, honey, how were tryouts? How was your breathing?”

Regulus fought the anxious feeling in his gut as he lied. “Good. My breathing was fine.”

He shut himself in the bathroom and blasted music while he showered. It consisted of a lot of Conan Gray and Noah Kahn. When he finished, he quickly got ready for the game just as Barty texted him that he was there. Regulus left with a yelled goodbye, sliding into the backseat with Dorcas and Pandora while Evan occupied the front. Barty fiddled with the radio station before handing Evan the aux cord. “Who are they playing again?”

Dorcas looked up from where she was scrolling through Instagram. “Next town over, I forgot the name.”

She was staring at a picture on Marlene McKinnon’s Instagram feed, where Marlene was standing between James and Sirius. It looked like some sort of party. Marlene was leaning forward with her tongue out, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders as she flipped off the camera with both hands. Sirius leaned against the wall to her left, one foot braced against the bricks as he stuck up his left middle finger. James wasn’t paying attention, laughing as his body faced to the left with a red solo cup in his hand. Regulus raised his eyebrows at Dorcas. “Stalking McKinnon’s Instagram, are we, Dorcas?”

Dorcas blushed and scrolled away without liking the picture. “I’m not, she’s just pretty, is all.”

Evan groaned from the front seat. “That’s how it always starts. She’s pretty, but you don't like her. Then, she's ugly, and you hate her. Then you can’t stop staring. Then you kiss her when you’re drunk and obsess over it. Then you get together or move on.”

Dorcas leaned forward to slap Evan on the shoulder. “Shut up, I am not that predictable.”

Pandora laughed from where she was gazing out the window. “Sure, babe.”

The rest of the ride was quiet until they arrived at the game. They had to fight their way through crowded bleachers to get a spot, where they had to stand the whole time since all the students insisted on refusing to sit. Regulus really didn’t understand everyone’s obsession with football. It was a stupid sport. The announcer came online, and he heard a snippet of the words, “Captain James Potter.” Of course he was captain. Regulus was not at all surprised. 

A few rows ahead, he caught a glimpse of Lily and Marlene, who had their heads together as they talked. Lily was sporting the away football jersey with the name ‘Potter’ on the back in big letters. They were Hogwarts’s ‘it’ couple, the couple everyone wanted to be or be with. They got together last year, so it had been a few months, and they had become a beloved couple ever since. It made Regulus want to roll his eyes. Everything about this school was ridiculous. Marlene and Lily turned around and waved. Marlene cupped her hands around her mouth. “Regulus! Come sit with us!”

Dorcas’s eyes widened, and for that reason alone, Regulus dragged his friends along to sit with the girls in the front row. He knew Lily and Marlene, as well as Sirius’s other friends, strictly from seeing them hang around Sirius. He didn’t know them well, but he was friendly with them, he supposed. Regulus maneuvered around until Dorcas was beside Marlene, and he exchanged a mischievous grin with Barty. Marlene smiled, leaning in to Dorcas a bit until their arms brushed. “I didn’t expect to see you guys here.”

Regulus smirked at the way Dorcas was standing rigidly still. “We came to support Sirius.”

Regulus tensed up when Lily brushed against his other side. He despised physical touch, avoiding it as often as possible. He wouldn’t even hug his own parents. Crowded places like football games were not ideal places for him. As the teams lined up, Lily started to yell. “Here we go, James!” She quickly redirected her gaze to the cheerleaders, who were setting up their formation. Mary MacDonald was among them, likely the captain. “Yes, Mary!”

Mary grinned at her from the track before turning back to her team. When Regulus looked up, he saw Remus Lupin squeezing through the crowd as he made his way over. He had a book tucked under his arm and an annoyed expression on his face as he stood beside Lily. “Hey, Lils.”

Lily reached over to kiss him on the cheek in greeting before turning her attention back to the game. She had a red number seven painted on her cheek for James. Regulus glanced down at the book under Remus’s eyes. “You’re reading Little Women?”

Remus nodded, eyes falling to the floral decorated cover of the book. “Yeah, I just finished part one. I’ve read it before, though, this is just a reread. Have you read it?”

Regulus nodded, eyes scanning its cover. “Yeah, it’s one of my favorites, actually.”

Remus turned fully, his body facing Regulus with Lily between them. “Settle something for me. Should Laurie have ended up with Amy or Jo?”

Lily suddenly checked into the conversation, eyes darting between them. Regulus smirked as he looked between Lily and Remus. “In the book, Amy.”

Remus threw his hands up, gesturing at Lily. “Thank you.”

Lily placed a hand over her chest, shaking her head. “No! Him and Jo would have been perfect together!”

Regulus laughed, finding himself enjoying Sirius’s friends’ company more than he thought. “Jo never loved him. Laurie genuinely fell for Amy. He went away, found himself, and fell in love with her. It was pure and requited. The movie does an awful job of portraying that, making it seem one-sided with Amy having loved him all along.”

Remus’s eyes bulged. “Thank you! I’ve been saying that all along! Laurie and Jo would be like James and Sirius dating.”

Lily bit her lip, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. “Well, when you put it that way…”

The whistle blew, and Remus and Lily checked into the game, watching the players. Regulus had always suspected something going on between Remus and Sirius, and the way Remus’s eyes never left Sirius as he played fed his suspicions. He took note of it as he watched the game. It was rather uneventful as Hogwarts destroyed the opponent, though Regulus enjoyed it more than he thought he would. 

The bleachers quickly emptied until Regulus was one of the last ones there, waiting outside the locker rooms for Sirius. He looked up when he heard someone exit. James. He stifled a groan. James came to stand beside him, hair wet from the showers as he leaned against the wall. “Hey.” Regulus just looked up in response before his eyes fell back to the pavement. James filled the silence. “What’d you think of the game?”

Regulus shrugged, kicking a rock beside his foot. “Uneventful.”

James smirked, shaking his head. “Only you would consider our five touchdown lead uneventful.”

Regulus found himself biting his cheek to stop from smiling. “It was boring. I want to see a close game. Make it worth watching.”

James bit his lip, his tongue darting out over his bottom one. “I’ll keep that in mind for the next one. Sirius should be out in a second. I’ll see you Monday, Regulus.”

He stepped away, heading for the parking lot. Regulus found himself watching as James made his way over to his car, which Lily was leaning up against with smudged face paint. James ducked down to kiss her, pulling her closer by her waist. They broke apart smiling, and Regulus felt an odd pang in his chest before he looked away. It was nothing.

Chapter Text

Regulus sat in his kitchen the afternoon after school on Monday, picking at the fruit platter he wasn’t really eating. He had skipped lunch again in favor of the library, but the hunger had subsided, and he didn’t really feel like eating. Sirius sat beside him, pulling a piece of watermelon free from the container. “I swear she has a crush on her.”

Regulus leaned back in his chair, suppressing the urge to text Dorcas immediately. “Yeah, well, she’s still pretending she doesn’t like Marlene, so…”

Sirius groaned audibly, shaking his head. “They would be such a good couple, too.”

Their mom walked into the kitchen a second later, standing in front of the fridge. “Who?”

Sirius spoke through the food in his mouth. “Dorcas and Marlene.”

She turned around, wrinkling her nose as she started to chop up vegetables, presumably for dinner later that night. “I just don’t get being gay.”

The thing was, Regulus had his gay awakening when he was oddly obsessed with Red White and Royal Blue over a year ago. He had known for some time and had told his friends and his brother. He knew most people could easily assume, but it was a big deal to him. His friends were accepting because of course they were, and Sirius hugged him and said welcome to the club. Regulus never wanted to tell their mother. He knew how she would react. She had been making subtly homophobic comments for months, but their dad always said she never meant the things she said. Regulus had a hard time believing him. He knew that if he came out to his mom, she would hug him and say she loved him. He also knew the next comment out of her mouth would be ‘is anyone straight these days?’

Sirius scrunched up his face, shooting Regulus a look. “What do you mean you don’t ‘get’ being gay?”

Their mom just continued wrinkling her nose in what appeared to be disgust. “I don’t know, it’s just not for me.”

Sirius snorted, leaning forward on the table. “No one asked you to be gay.”

She shrugged, clearly unbothered. “It just feels like no one is straight anymore these days.”

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, never one to let it drop. “There isn’t just straight and gay, there are other sexual orientations. Like bisexual.”

Their mom’s expression returned to disgust. “I would never date a bi guy.”

Sirius sighed, locking eyes with Regulus. “Why not?”

She shrugged again, eyes focused on the cutting board. “I just couldn’t like someone who likes…” 

She shuddered, and Sirius started to put the container away. “That’s fine. You’re allowed to have preferences.”

Regulus wanted to push a little, test the boundaries of that statement. “Would you divorce Dad if he was bi?”

She looked up, smiling as if it was funny. “Yes.” She played it off as a joke with a small laugh. “I’m already jealous enough as it is, we don’t need to add any other options.”

Regulus just excused himself from the table, heading upstairs. It took everything in him not to beg her to shut up. The comments were getting to him. They weren’t enough to be outright homophobic, but they were enough to settle under his skin and burrow there. He laid back in his bed, letting his head fall against the pillow. There was a knock at his door, and Sirius let himself in, sitting beside Regulus on the bed. “Don’t let her get to you.”

Regulus sat up, tucking his knees into his chest. “I hate her when she says shit like that. It’s homophobic, but subtle enough that she can excuse it.”

Sirius sighed, leaning against the wall. “I know. That’s why I haven’t told her about me. I’m sure that’s why you haven’t told her about you.”

Regulus crossed his arms, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “I’m not ever going to tell her.”

Sirius leaned forward and ruffled Regulus’s hair, prompting Regulus to swat his hand away. Sirius stood up. “Don’t you have a game soon?”

Regulus checked the time on his phone, cursing. “Yeah, I should probably get ready.”

Regulus moved to look for his uniform in his closet. Sirius hovered in the room. “You should tell them you want to quit.”

Regulus stood up from where he was bent over his clothes. “You think I haven’t tried?”

Sirius sighed, leaning against the wall. “I think you shouldn’t take no for an answer. You look miserable when we mention soccer, Reggie, it’s not good for you.”

Regulus sighed as he pulled his uniform out of the closet. “Yeah, well, maybe I’ll get lucky and get injured again so I won’t have to play.”

Something flashed in Sirius’s eyes that Regulus couldn’t quite read. “Don’t say that, Regulus.”

Regulus pulled his bag out of the corner, unzipping it. “Are you coming later?”

Sirius nodded, hovering in the doorway. “Yeah, we have off today. James is coming with me.”

Regulus paused his movements and groaned. “Do you have to bring him? Bring Remus or someone else.”

Sirius laughed. “I’ll tell him you said hi.”

Regulus stood up, crossing his arms against his chest. “He is insufferable. He won’t leave me alone.”

Sirius sighed, stepping out of the room. “He’ll grow on you.”

Regulus raised his voice so Sirius could hear him from down the hall. “Not likely!”

***

Regulus was standing in the huddle, not at all listening to their captain as he droned on about the game. There was an intense anxiety twisting in Regulus’s stomach as he thought about stepping on the field, but once the team cheer was finished, he did it anyway. Regulus knew he was good, but he couldn’t shake the anxiety every time he was playing. It made him long for the end of the game before it even began. He stepped into the middle of the field, stretching. He chanced a glance over at the sideline, watching Sirius move through the bleacher rows to sit down. There were a lot less students in the crowd for soccer than there were for football. James was with him, and he looked up, locking eyes with Regulus and smiling with a wave. Regulus just turned back towards the center.

The whistle blew, and Regulus was thrown into the dynamic of the game. This was a rough team, and he was taking hits from all angles. As he tracked back on defense, he went for a loose ball, but his heels were clipped by the defender, sending him falling towards the floor. Unable to reach his hands out in time, his head slammed against the ground, and there was a sharp ringing in his ears as his vision blurred. There was a whistle, then someone’s hands on him as they helped him up. 

He felt disoriented, like a fog had come over him and made everything feel like a dream. The lights made his already aching head pound. His coach came running over. “Regulus! Regulus, are you alright?”

Regulus tried to nod, but he got a bit dizzy, stumbling. Madam Hooch latched onto his arm, supporting some of his weight. “Let’s get you off the field.”

As Regulus was escorted off, Barty and Evan came up beside him. Barty squeezed his other arm. “Hey, Reg, you’re gonna be ok, alright?”

Madam Hooch glanced at Barty and Evan. “Back on the field, boys. He’ll be fine.”

Regulus was escorted to the edge of the bench as an athletic trainer kneeled before him. “Hey, kid, do you have any family or friends here?”

Regulus’s parents had some… event he couldn’t remember, so they weren’t there. They were usually at all of his games, but they had to miss this one. “Sirius.”

The trainer nodded and said something to one of his teammates on the bench, who ran around the field to get Sirius. The trainer performed a basic concussion test, which Regulus passed, but he was no stranger to these symptoms. Madam Hooch surveyed him from the other side of the bench. “You’re not going back in, Black. You should probably go home.”

Just as she finished speaking, someone stopped short in front of Regulus, slightly short of breath. He turned expecting to see Sirius, but it was James. Regulus’s head pounded as he looked up at him. “Where’s Sirius?”

James bit his lip, sitting down beside him. “Remus is at the school for mock trial and asked Sirius to help him with something. He’s inside. I texted him but he can’t get away right now.”

Regulus nodded, but the ache worsened at the movement, so he put his head in his hands, leaning forward. Warm hands were on his in a second, pulling his hands away. “You’re gonna make it worse. You need an ice pack and a dark and quiet room.”

The trainer handed James an ice pack, who tentatively gave it to Regulus. Regulus pressed it to the side of his head, which was throbbing. James stood up from the bench, and Regulus watched as James grabbed his bag and water bottle, saying something to Madam Hooch. James sat back down holding Regulus’s bag. “We should go. I’ll take you home.”

Regulus nodded and stood up, wobbling slightly. James held onto Regulus’s arm, making sure he stayed upright. He didn’t let go for the entire walk back to the parking lot. James stayed silent the entire car ride, not even turning on the music. Regulus was grateful for one less thing that would make his head pound. When James pulled in front of the house, Regulus let his eyes fall shut. He couldn’t go in yet. “Can we just, wait a second?”

James nodded, leaning back in his seat. “This isn’t your first injury, is it?”

Regulus scoffed, trying to stop the tears from falling. “My eighth. And my third concussion.”

James winced, turning to face him in his seat. “Why don’t you quit?”

Regulus shook his head, bringing his palm up to rest on his forehead. “They won’t let me.”

It hit Regulus all of a sudden. He was injured yet again, about to be subject to more doctor’s visits, limited screen time, memory problems. He hated it all. And he hated his parents for putting him in this situation. He used to love soccer. He hated himself for hating it now. The first tear slipped down his cheek without warning, and James leaned forward to take his hand. “Hey, Reg, it’s ok.”

Regulus shook his head, turning away from James so he wouldn’t see the tears running down his cheeks, covering his mouth with his hand. “I should go.”

James gently pushed Regulus’s shoulder back towards the seat, leaning forward and hugging him. It was a bit awkward with the armrest between them, but Regulus found himself sinking into the embrace, sobbing quietly into James’s shoulder. He smelled of sandalwood, and he rubbed soothing circles on Regulus’s back, whispering quiet comforts into his ear. Regulus pulled back after several minutes, wiping his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

James gave him a sad smile, his hand resting on Regulus’s arm. “Don’t apologize, Reg, I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

Regulus choked out a laugh at that, running the back of his hand against his cheek. “Why?”

James’s lip twitched before he answered. “I’ve missed you, Reg. We used to see each other a bit in middle school, and then you went to Durmstrang, and I never really saw you. I miss being friends.”

Regulus was rendered speechless at that, feeling the warmth of James’s hand against his skin. “Thank you.”

James just smiled in response, rubbing his thumb back and forth against Regulus’s arm. “Do you wanna go get ice cream or something? That way you don’t have to go in right now?”

Regulus glanced back at the house. He didn’t want to walk in with puffy eyes and have his mom hug him. He didn’t want to tell her he was injured and have her give him her sympathy even though Regulus blamed her for it. He turned back to James. “Are you sure? If you have somewhere to be…”

James shook his head, pulling out his phone. “No, it’s ok.”

He sent a text before placing his phone back in his pocket and pulling out of the driveway. They went to the ice cream parlor only a few minutes away, and James parked in front. “What do you want?”

Regulus reached for the door handle. “I can get it myself, James.”

James shook his head, pressing the lock button on his car door. “You were dizzy and stumbling before. Just let me get it.”

Regulus huffed out a breath, leaning back in his seat. “Fine. Mint chocolate chip.”

James laughed as he got out of the car. “So stubborn.”

Regulus smiled despite himself. When James got back in the car, he was holding two cups of ice cream in their largest size, handing one to Regulus. Regulus’s eyes bulged. “James, you did not have to-”

James shut the door, leaning against it and crossing his legs to face Regulus in his seat. “Hush, it’s my treat.”

Regulus just opened the cover and muttered quietly. “Thank you.”

James had gotten cookie dough, which had been his favorite flavor years ago, not that Regulus was paying attention. Once James started eating, he got particularly chatty. “So. Let’s play a game.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, though the concussion sort of strained the movement. “I’m injured, I can’t play.”

James let out a low laugh, shaking his head. “You’re such a buzzkill. Would you rather be able to teleport or have telekinesis?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, turning to face James in his seat as well. “Why do you care?”

James leaned slightly forward, his eyes glinting in the low light of the ice cream parlor through the windows. “That’s how ‘would you rather’ works.”

Regulus groaned, shaking his head. “It’s a dumb game.”

James leaned his head back, staring out the window. “Truth or dare? Twenty questions? You gotta give me something here, Reg.”

Regulus couldn’t help the small smile forming on his lips. “Or we could just sit here in silence.”

James fell silent for all of ten seconds before shaking his head. “Sorry, I can’t do it.”

Regulus laughed, feeling pure joy run through him for the first time in a long time. “Of course you can’t.”

James smiled, his eyes locked on Regulus’s. “So tell me something. You’re a writer, yeah? How’s that going?”

Regulus bit his lip, leaning his head against the cool glass. “How did you know that?”

James shrugged as if it were the most casual thing in the world. “I remember you talking about writing in middle school. Sirius also mentioned your internship this year.”

Regulus’s heart sang at the fact that James remembered. “Yeah, I am doing an internship. The teacher is really great, she’s basically giving me creative license to do whatever I want. And the kids are really so talented, it blows my mind.”

James scooped at the bottom of his cup, the spoon scraping against the styrofoam. “Will you ever let me read something you write? Sirius says you’re really talented.”

Regulus’s lips twitched upwards just barely. “Maybe.”

James put his empty cup in the side of his door, bending his knees in the seat and looking at Regulus with a more solemn expression. “Are you going to ask her to quit?”

Regulus coughed, his throat suddenly feeling very dry as he set his barely touched ice cream aside. “I don’t know.”

James nodded, turning his head to the side. “I could see it on your face on the field today. You looked anxious. And when you got injured… You looked relieved.”

Regulus swallowed harshly, turning to face forward. “I think we should go.”

Regulus could feel James’s eyes trained on him. “Ok, I’m sorry. But I’m here if you wanna talk, Reg, about anything.”

Regulus fell silent as James started to drive. It was relatively quiet, and Regulus spoke quietly when he broke the silence. “I was relieved. I need to be done. I can only hope this is the last straw for her.”

James didn’t say anything, he just took his right hand and placed it over Regulus’s left without meeting his eye. Regulus couldn’t help the smile on his lips.

When he got home, he pushed the front door open, and his mom peered out from behind the kitchen wall. “What are you doing home so early?”

Regulus rubbed his head, which was now pounding with the harsh light of the house. He explained the entire situation to his mom, who had a heartbroken look on her face. She stepped forward and hugged him. Regulus stiffened at the movement. “Mom-”

She held him tighter, her voice slightly sad. “I know you hate hugs, but I’m just so sorry, Regulus. This is awful.”

Regulus let her hug him because it was the comfort she wanted to give, even if it wasn’t what he needed. When she pulled back, Regulus’s eyes were stinging with tears that he refused to let fall. “I don’t want to go back. This is my eighth injury now, I’m done.”

She reached forward and brushed his hair back, and he fought hard not to flinch. “Ok, Regulus, ok.”

He turned away, heading upstairs as the tears retreated, and the numbness set in. He stared at the ceiling for a long while, hating the loud thoughts echoing around his brain. You’re a failure. You put in so much work, and for what? To quit? You’re a quitter and a failure, and you deserve nothing. 

Regulus turned over, taking his phone off his dresser, although he knew he should avoid screens. There were a few texts on his home screen.

Barty: Hey, let me know how you’re doing.

Evan: How are you feeling, Reg? Do you need anything?

Pandora: I heard about the game, sorry I missed it, I had auditions for the play. Let me know how you are.

Dorcas: Are you ok?

Sirius: I’m so so sorry I wasn’t there, the mock trial teacher wouldn’t let me leave once I agreed to be a stupid juror. Remus told me it wouldn’t take long. I’m sorry, I’ll be home soon, hope you’re ok with James.

Unknown: Hi, it’s James. Hope you’re doing ok.

Regulus wasn’t sure what made him click the last text.

Regulus: Hey. Thanks for tonight.

James: Hey, Reg, how are you feeling?

Regulus: Not horrible, but typical concussion symptoms. I’ll be fine.

James: Are you supposed to be on your phone?

Regulus: …No, but there’s nothing to do when you have a concussion, and reading hurts my brain. I’ll be so bored.

James: Can I call you? That way we can talk without you staring at the screen.

Regulus: Ok.

*Incoming Call from James.*

The line clicked on, and James’s voice came through the phone slightly muffled. “Hi.”

Regulus placed his phone off to the side to avoid looking at the screen. “Hi.”

There was the slight noise of shifting on the other side of the phone. “How are you feeling? Are you still dizzy? Disoriented? Aren’t you not supposed to sleep after you get a concussion?”

Regulus smiled as he stared at the ceiling. “I’m fine, James. I’m a bit dizzy and disoriented, but I’ll be fine. I’m not supposed to sleep for a bit, so distract me.”

There was a momentary pause. “Well, how am I supposed to do that when you won’t play any games?”

Regulus rolled over, leaning his head against his hand. “Fine. I’d rather be able to teleport. Then I could travel anywhere.”

“Where would you go?”

Regulus pondered that for a moment. “Hawaii, Italy, Spain, Australia. I’d go everywhere.”

“You love to travel?”

He smiled at the thought. “Yeah, but I don’t get to do it much. I wanna study abroad in college.”

“Do you know where you’re applying yet?”

Regulus bit his lip, familiar anxiety pooling in his gut. “No, don’t even get me started. I’m stressed just thinking about it.”

“Yeah, me too, I have no clue what I’m gonna do.”

There was a short pause before Regulus spoke again. “Would you rather know how you’re gonna die or when?”

Regulus could hear James’s sharp inhale. “Geez, Reg, that got dark fast. I don’t know, they’re both pretty shitty. I’d either be living with a timer over my head or be terrified of cars or some shit.”

Regulus let his eyes fall shut. “You think you’ll die in a car accident?”

“I’m too interesting to die in a boring way.”

Regulus laughed, and the sound echoed around the room. “Of course you think that, your ego wouldn’t even fit inside the car that would kill you.”

“Ouch, ok, maybe I’ll be in a skydiving accident.”

Regulus shook his head. “Now, why would you ever go skydiving?”

“For the thrill, obviously.”

Regulus snorted. “Some of us like to have our feet planted firmly on the ground.”

“That’ll be hard to do when you’re flying to Europe.”

Regulus paused, fiddling with the ring on his finger. “Fine. That’s fair. But skydiving is so different.”

“Do you think I could get Sirius to go with me?”

Regulus sat up, leaning against the headboard. “James, do not kill my brother.”

There was a muffled laugh through the phone. “Oh, so it’s fine if I die, but not Sirius?”

Regulus nodded. “Yes, exactly.”

“I’d rather know how I die. I don’t wanna live with a timer over my head. I would live in fear of everything instead of just the one thing that kills me.”

Regulus was silent for a long moment. “Me too.” There was another long pause before Regulus spoke again. “I think she’s gonna let me quit. I told her I wanted to today, and she said ok.”

James was silent for a second. “Is this a sad moment or a celebratory one?”

Regulus let out a choked laugh. “A little bit of both. I mean, I was good. I was really good. I’ll miss it in some ways, but I’ve grown to hate it. I just feel like I’m letting my younger self down. He really wanted this. But at the same time, it’s been a long time coming, you know?”

“It’s ok for you to move on from something, Reg. Your goals can change, you don’t have to feel bad about letting yourself down. This is what’s best for you now, and your younger self never could’ve known that. Now you can focus on what you need right now. Or what makes you happy. Like writing.”

Regulus smiled as he stared down at his blankets, wondering how James knew exactly what he needed to hear. “Thanks, James.”

There was a muffled sound of movement from the other end. “When are you gonna read me something you wrote?”

Regulus hated vulnerability, but James seemed to have a talent for prying information out of Regulus and making him glad he opened up. “I can read it now. You have to promise not to laugh.”

“I would never laugh at you. Wait, I’m excited.”

Regulus bit his lip to keep from smiling as he opened his notebook and read directly from it. “What does one do in the face of loss? Revisit old times, go to the place of loss. Clock handles spinning on borrowed time, needles patching crimson lace of loss. Concealed smiles blurred in the mind’s eye, newfound laughter left no trace of loss. Bitter reminiscing, hollow hearts once two, plagued by visions, no erase of loss. Blinding white veils tainted by darkest ink, chapters of stories- just a phase of loss. Clothes stained by the essence of what was, fallen tears locked in a vase of loss. Lights remain dimming, hands remain stilled, forever winning in the race of loss. Flowers wilting in the cold of winter, lungs filling, drowning in the pace of loss. Blood pools, only in imagination, game of cards, deal another ace of loss. Sharp inhales, air of death in summer, what does one do in the case of loss?” He took a deep inhale before adding, “I wrote that as a poem for my Creative Writing internship. It’s called a ghazal, so it has rules and such but yeah…”

“Regulus, that was beautiful. I had no idea you could write like that, holy shit. If you told me Shakespeare wrote that, I would believe you.”

Regulus’s grin spread across his face as he shut the notebook. “Fuck off.”

“No, really. That was seriously incredible, Reg. Can I ask what it was about?”

Regulus inhaled deeply. “Just grief in general. It’s about losing someone you love. It’s not from personal experience, just from… what I think it would be like.”

“It sounds like it’s published. Can I get that in writing so I can frame it on my wall?”

Regulus could hear the sincerity in James’s voice through the teasing. “You are such an ass.”

“I wish I recorded that. It was beautiful, Regulus. If you want someone to share your writing with, I’d love to listen. You’re seriously talented. And I actually do want that in writing, I’m gonna read it over and over again.”

Regulus’s jaw hurt from smiling so wide. “Yeah, maybe I’ll take you up on that.”

The door swung open, and Sirius stood in the doorway. “Hey, Reg, how are- Who are you talking to?”

Regulus schooled his expression to neutral. “What did I tell you about knocking? I’m talking to my friend, get out.”

Friend seemed like the wrong word, but he didn’t know what else to say. James’s voice came through the line. “Oh, so we are friends?”

Sirius gasped dramatically and took the phone from Regulus’s nightstand, collapsing onto the bed. “Prongs, my beloved, is that you?”

James’s laugh echoed through the phone. “I missed you, Padfoot.”

Sirius was practically kicking his feet. “I texted you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t see it, I was busy.”

Sirius frowned. “Yeah, talking to my brother. Traitor.” He turned to Regulus. “And since when are you guys friends?”

Regulus stared down at the blankets, feeling his cheeks flush. “Since today.”

“Well, I’m flattered to have been upgraded to friend status, Regulus, but I have to go, Lily’s been calling me for the past twenty minutes. I’ll see you both tomorrow. Feel better, Reg. Love you, Pads.”

The line clicked dead, and Regulus felt Sirius’s eyes on him. “Regulus.”

Regulus buried his face in his pillows. “Go away.”

Sirius pulled on Regulus’s shoulder until he flipped back over. “Oh, for fuck’s sake. You like him.”

Regulus’s face flushed crimson as he covered it with his hands. “No, I don’t.”

Sirius leaned forward, poking Regulus’s arm. “Oh, you so do. Hate to say Prongs is taken, and he is quite smitten with her.”

Regulus shoved Sirius away. “I know he’s dating her, and I don’t like him. He was just there while you were off eyefucking your other best friend.”

Sirius gasped, placing a hand over his chest. “Lies! I was being a respectable juror!”

Regulus snorted. “If you call respectable staring at Lupin the whole time and having impure thoughts.”

Sirius flipped him off as he started towards the door. “Slander and lies. Besides, it doesn’t matter if I like Remus because you like James.”

Regulus threw a pillow at him, which he dodged. “No, I don’t! Sirius, you better not tell him any stupid lies like that.”

Sirius picked up the pillow and threw it back. “I would never betray your trust like that. And trust me, I get it. Prongs is hot. Sweet dreams, Reggie. Enjoy your fantasies about James!”

He left the room, and Regulus yelled out so Sirius would hear him. “I hate you!”

He could hear Sirius cackling down the hall. “Love you, too!”

Chapter Text

Regulus was sitting in the library around his table, leaning in close to whisper amongst his friends. There were a few minutes left before classes were supposed to start, and they tended to meet up in the library to see each other for a short period of time before school. Barty’s eyes ran across the length of Regulus’s face. “How are you feeling, Reg?”

Regulus shrugged, leaning back in his chair as he felt the eyes of his friends on him. “I’m fine.”

Dorcas raised her eyebrow at him, but he waved her off, changing the subject. “So how’s McKinnon? Don’t you have chemistry with her?”

Barty grinned, leaning his head against his palm lazily. “In what context?”

Dorcas rolled her eyes, though her mouth quivered upward just slightly. “I have chemistry class with her, idiot. Unfortunately, we’re lab partners.”

Evan let out a low laugh, shaking his head in amusement. “Oh, yes, how unfortunate.”

Barty smirked, leaning closer to his friends. “You must be devastated.”

Pandora just brushed her hair back, smiling innocently. “You must not get a lot of work done.”

Evan and Barty erupted into laughter, earning them a shush from the librarian. They really needed to find a new place to meet up before school. Evan and Barty were not made for the library. Regulus opened his mouth to speak when his eye caught on a small movement on the table. A tan hand slid a plastic bag of chocolate chip cookies into the space in front of him. He looked up, blinking confusedly at James. “What is this?”

James raised an eyebrow, his eyes scanning the rest of the group. “Hey guys. Cookies. Has the concussion impaired your eyesight?”

Regulus frowned, crossing his arms petulantly. “I’m surprised you know what the word ‘impaired’ means.”

James just gave him an unimpressed smirk, pulling a chair over from another table and sitting down without an invitation. Regulus spared a glance around the table to see his friends looking between the pair with amused and curious eyes. Regulus just stared at the cookies. He recognized them as the ones from the cafeteria that everyone raved about. He’d never tried them. “Why?”

James just looked at him, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Why what? Why are they cookies? Why do I know what the word ‘impaired’ means?”

Regulus just looked at him blankly. “Why are you giving them to me?”

James’s smile softened a bit as his eyes remained focused on Regulus. “I wanted to do something for you. You just got injured, and injuries suck, so I wanted to do something nice.”

Regulus looked down at the small bag, then back up with James, still feeling a bit dazed. “Well thank you, but I have-”

James interrupted him, leaning his elbow on the table. “A nut allergy, I know. I asked for the ingredients.” He slid his phone over to reveal an ingredient list for a chocolate chip cookie recipe. Regulus blinked at it, scanning the words. “Oh shit, I forgot about the screens. I read it like three times, they’re safe.”

Regulus couldn’t help the small smile on his lips as he looked back up at James. “Screens are fine, just not for too long. Thank you.”

Barty cleared his throat from the other side of the table, and Regulus fought a blush as he bit into the cookie. It was admittedly one of the best cookies he’d ever had. The bell rang, and James was the first to stand, still smiling comfortably. “I’m still waiting on that written copy, by the way.”

Regulus rolled his eyes as he stood up, collecting his things. “Keep waiting, Potter.”

James just smirked, hovering by the edge of the table. “Walk with me to class?”

Regulus just nodded in response, and James stepped away for a moment to return his chair to its original table. Barty raised his eyebrows. “What the fuck?”

Evan smirked, nudging Regulus’s shoulder. “Got something to tell us, Reggie?”

Dorcas bit her lip, giving him an amused look. “You were on the phone with him? When?”

Pandora leaned her head against Dorcas’s shoulder, peering at Regulus with wide blue eyes. “And a written copy of what? Tell me you didn’t read him something you wrote.”

Regulus blushed, shushing his friends as James grew closer. “I talked to him last night. He drove me home from the game because Sirius was busy. We talked, that’s all. It’s not a big deal.”

Just as Regulus stepped away, he heard Barty’s voice low and amused in his ear. “You’re blushing.”

Regulus flipped his friend off as he left the room with James, feeling eyes on him. James was quiet for a moment before speaking hesitantly. “I get the feeling your friends don’t like me.”

Regulus just looked at him, watching the way James was biting at his bottom lip. “They do. They were just surprised, that's all.”

James’s expression turned to a smirk as they stepped into their classroom. “Fooled by your little routine where you pretend you hate me?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, taking his seat beside James. “I do hate you.”

James’s grin grew wider as he sat down. “Sure you do, Reg.”

***

Regulus headed to the library for lunch as usual, sitting down and taking out his notes to get a head start on the homework. He was interrupted by someone sitting down at the table across from him. He knew who it was without even looking up. “Twice in one day? What did I ever do to get so lucky?”

The sarcasm laced his tone, but James seemed undeterred as he grinned at Regulus. “The universe must be on your side today. You have lunch this period?”

Regulus just looked up at him, narrowing his eyes. “Well I’m not ditching class, so that would be the only logical explanation.”

James frowned, his eyes falling to Regulus’s notes. “They don’t let you eat in here.”

Regulus pressed a hand to his forehead, his head pounding. “Do you see any food, Potter?”

James’s eyes narrowed on him, and Regulus was growing uncomfortable with his stare. “I have out now. I usually go home, but I had to print something today.”

Regulus wasn’t sure when he asked for James’s entire life story, but apparently their acquaintance earned him that privilege. “Run out of people who actually like you to go to lunch with?”

James laughed, the sound filling the quiet area around them. “Come to lunch with me.”

Regulus didn’t look up, scribbling something in the margins of his paper. “Can’t. I’m busy.”

James reached forward and pulled the notes out of Regulus’s grasp, turning them around. “Doing the homework for next week? You don’t need to do this now.”

Regulus pulled it back, glaring slightly. “Maybe I want to.”

James gave him a pointed look. “I’m sure the school lighting is bothering your head. We can at least sit in the car where the lights aren’t so bad. Please?”

Regulus looked up to see James’s eyes fixed on him, pleading. He sighed, slamming his folder shut. “Fine.”

He found himself sitting in the passenger seat of James’s car once again. They were parked under a tree, the darkness of the shade doing wonders for Regulus’s headache. He leaned back in the seat, letting his eyes fall shut. James’s voice broke through the silence. “Do you wanna listen to music or talk or does the quiet help?”

Regulus’s heart skipped at the sentiment before he mumbled quietly. “You can talk, it’s fine.”

James leaned back against his car door, turning to face Regulus. “Are you coming to the Homecoming game?”

Regulus pried his eyes open, tilting his head to look at James. “Sirius would kill me if I missed it.”

James nodded in understanding as he rolled the window down a bit, letting a cool breeze flow into the car. “It should be a better game. Closer than the last.”

Regulus’s mouth twitched upwards as he sat up, facing James as well. “Maybe then it’ll at least be worth watching.”

James smirked, eyes falling to Regulus’s backpack discarded on the floor of the car. “You’re not going to eat?”

The hunger gnawed at Regulus’s stomach, but he ignored it. “Not hungry.”

James frowned slightly before studying Regulus’s face. “Do you eat breakfast?”

Regulus turned away from him, breaking eye contact. “That’s not your business.”

He could still feel James’s eyes on him. “I’ll take that as a no. Would you rather eat something else? I could take us somewhere to pick something up.”

Regulus sighed, staring out the window and watching the leaves of the tree sway in the wind. “It’s fine, James, I’m fine.”

There was a small wrinkle above James’s nose, but he fell silent. “Next time can we actually go somewhere? We can try that new taco place by your house.”

Regulus turned to look at him again, frowning. “What do you mean next time?”

James just looked at him with raised eyebrows. “I mean next time.”

Regulus leaned his head back against the cool glass of the window. “This is going to become a thing?”

James just shook his head, smirking slightly. “I’m not gonna let you sit in the library every other day doing next month’s homework.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, fixing James with an unimpressed look. “That’s dramatic. It was for next week. And I don’t need a pity invite.”

James just shrugged, crossing his legs in the seat. “I don’t pity you. I’m sure there are plenty of people you could go to lunch with. I’m asking you to come with me.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows, unable to help the smirk on his lips. “I didn’t hear a question.”

James just let out a small laugh, staring out the windshield. “You’re impossible.” There was a small pause before James spoke again. “I actually do like hanging out with you. If you don’t wanna come to lunch, you don’t have to, but I’d like you to.”

Regulus fell silent, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. “Ok.”

James’s smile sent a wave of butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

Lunch lasted only a few minutes longer, and Regulus was forced to leave the dark, cool car in favor of the bright, loud school hallways. There was an odd kind of serenity in James’s car with a comfortable quiet filled with soft conversations and small smiles. Regulus could feel James’s shoulder brushing against his own as they made their way back towards the school doors. The bell had already rung, and the students who had lunch the next period were making their way out. Regulus spotted Lily’s bright hair as she made her way towards them, books under her arm. “Hey, guys.” Her smile faltered when her eyes landed on Regulus. “I thought you went home seventh period, James.”

He shrugged, leaning in to kiss her cheek in greeting. Regulus looked away as he did. “Not anymore.”

Lily just nodded as she fell into stride with them for a brief moment. “I’m meeting up with Mary. I’ll see you later?”

He nodded, waving as she turned the other way. Regulus turned down the next hallway, taking the long way to get to class.

***

Regulus found himself sitting under the bleachers after school was over, leaning back against his backpack with his friends surrounding him. Now that he was injured, he didn’t have to be at practice and was free to use his time as he pleased. Dorcas and Pandora were beside him, and Evan and Barty were across from them. Soccer was starting a bit later that day, so they had time to hang out before. As soon as Regulus sat down, he was bombarded with questions. Barty was the first. “When were you gonna tell us you were friends with Potter?”

Pandora hummed in agreement, twirling a lock of her blonde hair around her forefinger. “When were you gonna tell us you have a crush on him?”

Regulus crossed his arms, pointedly looking away from them. “I do not have a crush on Potter. We’re acquaintances, and I use that term loosely.”

Evan just cackled, turning over to lay on the pavement face down. “He bought you cookies.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, tilting his head back. “He has a girlfriend.”

Dorcas smirked, kicking a small rock in Barty’s direction. “Don’t sound so mad about it.”

Regulus just threw his hands up and said nothing. Pandora changed the topic, winking at Regulus as she did. “Are we all meeting up before Homecoming Friday?”

Dorcas nodded, pushing her hair away from her neck. “Yeah, you guys can come to mine, and I’ll drive.”

Barty nodded, pushing his backpack further up so he could rest his head on it. “One of you has to get us an invite to the afterparty. Reg, why don’t you do us all a favor and ask your boyfriend?”

Regulus flipped him off, shutting his eyes as his head started to throb again. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and fuck off?”

Barty stuck his tongue out in response, and Evan shoved him. “Seriously, though, can you ask Potter? I’m sure he’d say yes.”

Regulus groaned, rubbing his temple. “I’m not asking him that. You ask.”

Barty rolled his eyes, sitting up slightly. “How about this? You ask him, and I don’t tell him you’re in love with him.”

Pandora batted at Barty’s arm with a stern look. “How about no? James will probably ask anyway.”

“James will ask what?”

James came into view as he stepped over one of the beams, leaning against another. Just Regulus’s luck. “Nothing.”

James frowned, his eyes scanning the group. “Are you staying to watch practice? Do you need a ride home?”

Regulus just raised an eyebrow. “You forget my brother’s on the team. He knows how to drive.”

James just smirked, tapping his fingers against the metal of the beam. “Not very well.”

Regulus snorted, sitting up slightly. “I’ll give you that.”

James ran a hand through his hair. He was wearing his football gear, likely on his way to practice. “But anyway, Sirius agreed to stay late and help Moony with something so I can take you if you stick around.”

Regulus wrinkled his nose, shaking his head. “Sirius is so pathetic. He’d probably jump off a bridge if Remus asked him to. But no thanks, Dorcas said she would drive me home.”

Dorcas stood up, grabbing her bag with a wicked smile. “About that, I actually can’t, sorry. See you later.”

Regulus gave her a betrayed look, and she winked before running off. James just looked at him, and Regulus sighed. “Yeah, ok. Thanks, James.”

James smiled with a small wave before heading off. Barty snorted, shaking his head. “Enjoy your date. You never told us what happened on the last one.”

Regulus shoved him until he was sprawled against the pavement. “It wasn’t a date. He drove me home, I didn’t want to go inside so we went to get ice cream. He texted me, and then we called for a bit. That’s it.”

Evan grinned, nudging Regulus’s leg with his foot. “Sounds like a date to me.”

Pandora smiled at him sweetly. “And then did you read him your poetry about his eyes?”

Regulus scoffed, his cheeks burning. “No, actually, I read him the terms of the restraining order I have against all of you.”

They all stood up, Barty and Evan heading to soccer while Pandora turned to go to her rehearsals. “Bye, Regulus. Enjoy practice.”

Regulus spent the entire practice tucked in the corner of the bleachers, rereading Little Women. The practice lasted for two hours, and he was pulled from his book by the sound of footsteps on the bleachers. He looked up to see James with his bag and helmet in hand, a huge grin on his face. “What’d you think?”

Regulus snapped the book shut, sliding it into his bag. “Boring. You were a little sloppy.”

James shook his head, a smile curving on his lips. “You didn’t even look up from your book once.”

Regulus stood up, walking past him without waiting. “And how would you know that, Potter? Were you paying attention?”

A warmth radiated through Regulus at the way James’s cheeks flushed slightly. They walked in silence to the car, staying quiet most of the ride. James kept the music at a low volume, an Arctic Monkeys song playing from his phone. When they arrived at Regulus’s house, he thanked James, standing up. A dizziness overwhelmed him as his vision faded to black. It wasn’t anything new; Regulus had been experiencing head rushes for a long time. A warm hand holding his arm grounded him as his sight returned to normal. Worried brown eyes blinked at him. “Regulus, are you ok? What was that?”

Regulus pulled his arm free, grabbing his bag and feeling slightly unsteady. “It was just a head rush, I’m fine. Thanks for the ride.”

James placed a hand on the car door to keep Regulus from closing it. He was leaning across the car, still looking entirely too concerned. “Have you eaten anything today?”

Regulus was still in a foggy headspace, and he answered without thinking. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

James bit his lip, shaking his head. “Regulus, get back in the car. Let’s go get food.”

Regulus scowled, readjusting the bag on his back. “I’m not a child, James, I’ll eat when I get inside.”

James’s eyes remained fixed on Regulus, and he found that he couldn’t move. “Will you really? Just come, you can pick the place.”

Regulus glanced back at the house, feeling his stomach rumble. Something about James’s expression made him get back in the car. “Ok.”

James’s lips settled into a soft smile as he pulled out of the driveway. “Where do you wanna go?”

Regulus just leaned back, feeling slightly embarrassed and light-headed. “I don’t care.”

James glanced at him before drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. “Taco place?”

Regulus just nodded slightly, and James pulled in a few minutes later. He locked the door when Regulus turned to get out. “What-”

James twisted in his seat, facing him. “Will you just talk to me? I’m worried about you.”

Regulus sighed, one hand still on the door. “I’m fine, James, really. I promise.”

James stared at him for another moment before getting out of the car. They ordered and brought their trays to a small booth at the back, sitting across from each other. James’s phone began to ring, Lily’s name flashing on the screen. He let out a small sigh before picking it up. “Hi.”

Regulus couldn’t hear Lily, but judging by James’s face, the conversation was not going well. “Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot.” He traced his finger around the tray. “Yes, I’ll be there later.” James furrowed his eyebrows. “At the taco place.” James’s eyes flicked up briefly. “Reg.” Another sigh. Regulus felt as though he was intruding. “Yes, I’m sorry. Love-”

He set the phone down rather aggressively, and Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

James bit into one of the chips on his plate. “There’s just a lot going on lately, and Lily and I haven’t been doing all that well.”

Regulus nodded, not wanting to pry. “I’m sorry. If you need to leave, we can go.”

James reached out and covered Regulus’s hand with his own. “No, no, it’s fine. I’m good.”

They fell into quiet chatter the rest of the dinner, and Regulus found himself enjoying James’s company. Just as they were finishing, the bell on the door rang, signaling the entry of two new customers. When Regulus looked up, he instinctively shut his eyes. This was going to be a nightmare. He could already hear them laughing as they strode over. Barty grinned, looking between the pair. “This is cozy. Mind if we join?”

Regulus bit his lip, gritting his teeth silently. “Yes, actually, we do mind. Kindly, fuck off.”

James just glanced between the three of them, obviously confused. Evan patted his arm gently. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, Potter. It’s a friend thing.”

Barty and Evan made themselves comfortable beside James and Regulus, wearing matching cruel grins. Barty picked a chip off James’s plate, though he didn’t seem to mind. “So Potter, I thought you were just dropping him off?”

James glanced at Regulus briefly, and Regulus’s stomach dropped. He didn’t want them to know the real reason they were here. James just let out a stilted laugh. “Yeah, well I was hungry after practice and asked him if he was ok with stopping.”

Regulus made eye contact with him, thanking him wordlessly. James nudged Regulus’s tray closer subtly, and Regulus picked his taco back up, rolling his eyes. Evan rested his arms on the table, leaning his head down on it. “Is that so?”

Regulus wanted to stab the pair of them. “Oh, look. Your food is ready. Better go.”

Barty and Evan exchanged a glance and a smirk before sliding out of the booth. Regulus finished his food, dusting off his hands as the weight in his stomach sat uncomfortably. Both James and Regulus were quiet on the car ride back to the house. Regulus broke the silence as he pulled into the driveway. “I can take care of myself, James. I don’t need your pity. And you definitely don’t need to ditch your girlfriend to take care of me. I’m fine. Thanks for the ride.”

He shut the door before James could say another word. He headed upstairs, dropping his bag on the floor of his room. He was already done with his homework, and his head was pounding from the excruciatingly long day. Sirius knocked on the door and stepped inside, closing it behind him. He flopped on the bed beside Regulus. “Where have you been?”

Regulus moved over to accommodate him, burying his face in his pillow in a fruitless attempt to reduce the pain in his temple. “Went to get food.”

Sirius nodded, placing his hands behind his head. “Dorcas take you?”

Regulus let out a small noise, hiding his face as he spoke. “No. James.”

Sirius grinned, nudging his side repeatedly. “I told you he tends to stick. So have you admitted that you’re crushing hard yet? Or are we still in the denial phase?”

Regulus lifted his head and slammed Sirius in the chest with his pillow. “Fuck off. You can talk when you admit you’re obsessed with Lupin.”

Sirius jutted his chin out, holding his head high. “Moony and I are just friends. You have feelings for James, don’t bother lying, I know you too well.”

Regulus scoffed, sitting up and pulling his knees to his chest. “Oh, and I don’t know you? It’s like you get hearts in your eyes every time you look at him.”

Sirius grinned. “Who? James?”

Regulus rolled his eyes, leaning back against the pillows. “Yeah, him too. You’re obsessed with all your friends, but you’re in love with Remus.”

It was Sirius’s turn to hit Regulus with the pillow. “Lies.”

Regulus’s phone buzzed from where it was sitting on the bedside table. Despite knowing he shouldn’t, he picked it up and stared at the screen.

James: I don’t pity you, Regulus

James: I wouldn’t hang out with you if I only felt bad for you

James: I genuinely like being around you

James: I know that’s hard for you to believe

James: But I’ll remind you as many times as you question it

James: Hope you’re feeling better <3

Chapter Text

Regulus sat down just as the bell was ringing, not sparing a single glance for James beside him. James turned fully in his seat, ignoring the teacher as he started to drone on about notes. “Hi.”

Regulus still didn’t look at him. The message from the previous night burned a hole in his mind. He couldn’t get it out of his head. Sirius had teased him endlessly about the way he blushed when he read it. Regulus shook his head, clearing his thoughts as he flipped open his folder. “Hi.”

James leaned forward on the desk, his cheek resting on his palm. “Did you get my text last night?”

Regulus ignored the way his heart skipped at that, leaning back in his chair and continuing to avoid eye contact. “I did.”

James raised an eyebrow, and Regulus watched him from the corner of his eye. “You didn’t answer.”

Regulus stared down at the desk, feeling the weight of James’s gaze on him. “I didn’t know what to say.”

James let out a loud sigh, finally turning to face the front of the room. “You still don’t believe me.” There was a short pause before he spoke again. “On Friday, after the game, I’m having a party. You should come. Bring your friends.”

Regulus did turn to face him at that, studying the genuinity on his face. “Ok.”

James smiled, and Regulus’s heart fluttered at the sight. He spent the rest of the double period feeling like he was floating. 

***

Regulus went to lunch with his friends that day, sitting in Barty’s car eating burgers from the restaurant a few blocks away. They were decent burgers, though he’d certainly had better. “Are any of you guys doing the community service thing tomorrow for honor society hours?”

Barty shook his head, mouth full of fries. “No, Ev and I have practice.”

Pandora and Dorcas echoed the sentiment for different reasons. Pandora had rehearsals, and Dorcas didn’t want to. Regulus just nodded, resigning himself to the fact that he’d be volunteering alone for several hours. At least he would complete his community service hours early. Regulus swallowed, clearing his throat. “James invited us to the party.”

He tilted his head down to avoid the expressions of his friends. Barty punched him in the arm. “No way, you actually asked?”

Regulus looked up and glared at him, touching his arm. “No, he asked me and said I could bring you. So technically you’re all plus ones. How about I just don’t invite you?”

Barty grinned, leaning back against the car door. “This is gonna be so much fun, his parties are legendary.”

Pandora nodded along, slurping her lemonade rather loudly. “And you know Marlene will be there.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes, tilting her head back against the glass of the car window. “Would you shut up about her? I actually hate her, she’s insufferable. She doesn’t do a single thing on any of our projects in chemistry. She just mouths off to the teacher.”

Pandora smirked, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Maybe she’s distracted.”

The suggestive tone of her voice prompted Dorcas to slap her lightly on the leg as Evan cackled. “We’ve entered phase two. Dorcas is officially pretending she hates her.”

Regulus set his discarded food to the side, shaking his head. “You really are terribly predictable, Cas.”

Dorcas scowled at him, eyes narrowed. “You wanna talk about predictable? How was your drive with James last night?”

Regulus glared, but felt his cheeks heat up with a familiar blush. “You literally put me in that position! I wanted to go with you.”

Pandora laughed, the airy sound filling the quiet. “I’m sure it pained you so much to sit next to your crush.”

Barty’s eyes lit up as he exchanged a glance with Evan. “We forgot to tell you. Ev and I actually ran into James and Regulus at the taco place after practice.”

Regulus covered his face with his hands, tucking his knees into his chest. “He practically dragged me there, it wasn’t even my idea!”

Pandora’s fingers circled around his wrist, her bracelets clinking together at the movement, and she smiled at Regulus sweetly. “You didn’t tell us that!”

Regulus just rolled his eyes. “It was nothing.” He redirected his attention to Barty, who was grinning. “I hate you.”

Barty just blew a kiss at him.

***

Regulus arrived at the building after school the next day, his mom dropping him at the door. It was a white building, rather bland, and the sign read ‘YES Community Center.’ He pushed the door open, the bell ringing as he stepped into the cool building. Regulus was greeted by the sound of voices in the next room. “Yes, exactly, that’s why we reached out to your school. We needed volunteers for the Halloween event, but a few of ours are sick. The flu’s going around again, and they couldn’t come in.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, that’s awful, I hope they get better soon. I’d be happy to help with whatever you need me to.”

Regulus froze in place. He knew that voice. James was here. Regulus could’ve sworn he was the only one who signed up. The woman organizing the event stepped around the wall and into his view. She had brown hair tied back in a slick bun and tired green eyes. “Oh, hi, you must be our other volunteer. I’m Emily.”

Regulus smiled, shaking himself out of his initial shock and shaking her outstretched hand. “Hi, yes, I’m Regulus, it’s nice to meet you.”

Her smile widened as she gestured to the room she came from. “Our other volunteer is in that room right there. For the next hour, I just need you to organize the clothes and candy on the tables. They’re labeled but come find me if you have any questions. After that, I’ll show you what to do.”

Regulus nodded dumbly before walking into the room, where he was met with the sight of James’s back. James turned around, grinning widely. “Hi.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, moving to the opposite side of the room where clothes were folded in bins. “Are you stalking me?”

James snorted out a laugh, his hands organizing the candy on the table into piles. “Oh, absolutely. I have cameras set up all around the room.” Regulus couldn’t help his smile as he pulled a jacket out of the bin. James broke the silence. “I saw your name on the sign up sheet and decided to volunteer. I need hours anyway.”

Regulus turned around, leaning back against the table. “Don’t you have practice?”

James waved a hand through the air, turning so he was half-facing Regulus. “We had film today. It was only an hour.”

Regulus resisted the urge to ask if he still had a girlfriend. He wasn’t oblivious to the tension between them whenever he saw the couple together. He bit his tongue and fell silent as he moved about the room. James hummed as he worked, though he said something out loud every so often, usually a random thought. “Have you talked to your parents any more about quitting?”

Regulus was caught off guard by the bluntness of the question, and he hesitated. “Um, no, but she kind of agreed already? I don’t know, nothing’s official, but she probably will let me.”

James nodded, pursing his lips. “And the breathing thing?”

Regulus spun around, eyeing James carefully. He was sure he never told him anything of the sort. “How did you know about that?”

Something flashed across James’s face that he couldn’t quite read. “Sirius told me. Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.”

Regulus just sighed, bracing his hands against the edge of the table. “No, it’s fine, it’s not really… I just don’t really talk about it. I can’t do the stupid speech pathologist thing with a concussion anyway.”

James nodded, still working diligently. “Does your breathing only really bother you when you run?”

Regulus shrugged, feeling slightly too vulnerable for his own comfort. “Not always. It’s triggered by anxiety too.”

He wasn’t sure why he was telling James that, but something about him made Regulus feel like opening up. James just flashed him a small smile of support before returning to his own task. They finished their respective piles in the next hour, and Emily walked in shortly after. “Perfect, thank you guys! We had another one of our volunteers bail, so could I trouble you to do the face painting? It’s a Halloween event, and we advertised face painting on our flyers but we don’t have anyone to do it. It can just be super basic designs.”

James and Regulus exchanged a look before nodding in agreement, and she set them up before leaving. They were in a small room just in front of the door with a white table between them. They sat on opposite sides, the face painting materials between them. James drummed his fingers against the table, his gaze wandering. “Maybe we should practice. I’m not the best painter.”

Regulus just smirked, raising an eyebrow. “They’re kids. They won’t care.”

The event was for families in need to pick out some clothes and candy for themselves and their children with some Halloween themed amenities including, apparently, face painting. James just shrugged, locking eyes with Regulus. “Come on, let me do it on you. That way if my first one is terrible, it won’t matter.”

Regulus couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him. “I’m not convinced you won’t mess it up on purpose to make me look bad.”

James just grinned, his smile falling lopsided as he leaned across the table. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Regulus just nodded in lieu of agreement, unable to do anything else when James was leaning so close to him. James dipped the brush in the water, moving his chair closer until their knees were touching. He reached out and gripped Regulus’s chin up, tilting his head so he could paint his cheek. Regulus forgot how to breathe. James’s hand radiated warmth, and Regulus was swept up in his proximity. He could feel James’s breath against his skin as he painted with intense focus. Every time James made a mistake, he brushed the pad of his thumb across Regulus’s face. Each touch sent Regulus’s heart racing. When he pulled back with a grin, Regulus realized he had been holding his breath. James didn’t move his chair any further, their knees still pressed together. “I think it looks good.”

Regulus inhaled shakily, snapping out of his trance. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

He took out his phone, opening the camera and holding it up to his face. He was taken aback when he saw the perfect portrayal of a black cat on his cheek with grey eyes. “Shit, James, that is really good.”

James’s smile softened, placing the brush on the table. “If you were an animal, that’d be you.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows, still studying the painting in the camera of his phone. “And you’d probably be a golden retriever.”

James laughed, the sound making Regulus’s heart flutter. “Nah, I think I’d be a stag.”

Something clicked in Regulus’s brain as he lowered his phone and made eye contact with James. “Is that where Prongs comes from, then? That dumb nickname your friends insist on calling you?”

James smirked, his eyes glinting in the bright light of the room. “We took quizzes to see which animals we were most like. I got a stag, Sirius got a black dog, Remus got a wolf, and Pete was a rat. Sirius came up with the nicknames.”

Regulus shook his head, glancing down at the table and fiddling with the edge of the paint container. “I’m not at all surprised. Those nicknames are horrible.”

James just smiled his signature grin. “I like them.”

Emily stepped into the doorway, and Regulus didn’t miss the way her eyes fell to where him and James were touching. He moved away instinctively. “The kids are coming in in one minute. Are you guys ready?”

James nodded in response, and she disappeared as quickly as she had come. The next hour was filled with kids filtering in and out of the room, asking for various Halloween-themed paintings on their faces. Regulus did a witch’s hat, a pumpkin, a cat, a ghost, and a million other things. The last kid was a little girl who sat down in the chair before Regulus, smiling up at him sweetly. Her thin blonde hair was tied into pigtails, and she blinked at him with wide blue eyes. “Can you draw a skeleton on my whole face?”

Regulus smiled as he cleaned his brush, dipping the end of it in the white paint. “Of course I can.”

He painted quietly, and the little girl- Maddie, he learned her name was- sat very still. After Regulus was halfway done, she spoke. “Is that boy your boyfriend?”

Regulus choked on the air, his brush slipping and leaving a wayward black streak on her face. He wiped it off with a clean paper towel, trying to school his expression. “No, he’s not my boyfriend. Why would you think that?”

She shrugged, grinning slightly. “He keeps looking at you. My daddys say that if someone looks at you like that, they love you.”

Regulus struggled to process that statement. “He’s probably just looking at the painting. He has a girlfriend.”

Regulus wasn’t sure why he added that to this random little girl, it’s not as if a six year-old knew what she was talking about. The girl just shifted slightly in her chair, her eyes darting to slightly behind Regulus. “I feel bad for his girlfriend.”

That made Regulus laugh as he finished the drawing. She smiled and thanked him, running off without another word. Regulus turned to clean up the supplies, his eyes darting to James to find him already looking back. They organized the space in silence before heading for the door. James held it open for him. “Do you need a ride?”

Regulus admittedly had forgotten to text his mom. “Actually, yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”

James nodded, smiling. When they pulled out of the parking lot, James’s phone rang and he clicked to accept the call, the bluetooth connecting to the car. “Hey, Lily.”

“Hey, are you home?”

James turned the volume control up. “No, I’m driving home. You’re on speaker, by the way, Regulus is here.”

There was a loud sigh through the phone. “Hi, Regulus. I thought you had nothing going on after film today.”

James drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, his posture looking oddly more tense. “I decided to volunteer with Reg for community service hours.”

“Do you wanna come over after you drop him off?”

James paused, his gaze drifting out the window. “I can’t, I have a bunch of homework.”

A pause, the next part murmured under her breath. “Of course you had time to volunteer, though.”

James huffed out a breath, leaning his head back against the seat. “I’m sorry, ok? We can hang out this weekend.”

“You mean when we have the homecoming dance with all our friends and an afterparty?”

James bit his lip, glancing at Regulus, who was trying hard to pretend he wasn’t listening. “Can we talk about this another time?”

“Why, James? Regulus is already more involved than he should be, I’m sure you’ve told him everything.”

Regulus didn’t have anything to say to that. From what he’d heard, James had been a pretty shitty boyfriend lately, but he assumed it was because he was just busy. He had no idea what he had to do with any of it. James’s voice was clipped when he spoke again. “We’ll talk about this later, Lily. Goodbye.”

He hung up the phone before she could say anything else, and Regulus winced. That probably wouldn’t end well for him. He opted not to ask, based on how on edge James looked at the moment. The air felt tense and thick for the rest of the ride, and Regulus didn’t say another word.

***

Regulus stepped into the library to be greeted by Lily Evans, leaning against the wall. She stood up when she saw him. “Regulus.”

Regulus glanced over at his table where his friends were sitting before looking at her. “Hi. Do you need something?”

Lily nodded, grabbing his arm and pulling him into one of the conference rooms. They were empty at this time, but Regulus found himself nervous as he sat across from her awkwardly. She stared at him, pursing her lips. “You volunteered with James yesterday, yeah?”

Regulus wasn’t sure why she was asking when she clearly already knew the answer. “Yes?”

Lily nodded, grimacing slightly. “Do you have feelings for him?”

Regulus was so taken aback, he stuttered for several seconds before answering. “What- I- what?”

She sighed, tilting her head back. “I’m not going to tell him, Regulus, though it is a bit obvious.”

Regulus sunk into his chair, wishing he was anywhere but there. “I’m not trying to date him, Lily. I wouldn’t try to break you two up. I’m usually not the one initiating our hang outs anyway.”

Lily’s eyes flashed as she looked at him, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I figured. I’m not angry with you, Regulus, I actually do like you, I just need to know.”

Regulus frowned, trying to follow her train of thought. “Know what?”

Lily just gestured lazily towards him. “That he’s the one always asking you to hang out.”

Regulus couldn’t help but murmur, “Asking is a strong word.”

Lily snorted, her lips pressing together. “Yeah, I know how he can be. Thanks, Regulus.”

She stood up, and Regulus found himself desperately trying to piece together the entire conversation. “Lily?” She turned around. “Are you going to break up with him?”

Lily just looked at him, her eyes slightly sad. “Would I have any self respect if I didn’t?”

He ran a hand through his hair, feeling slightly anxious. “Is it because of me? Because I swear, I’m not trying to interfere with your relationship.”

Lily sighed, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “I know. It’s not because of you. It’s because of James. It’s got nothing to do with you. But also everything. It doesn’t matter; the point is, it’s not your fault. I was going to break up with him regardless of this conversation. Just do me a favor, don’t tell him?”

Regulus found himself nodding in agreement, unsure of what else to do. She flashed him a small, sad smile before leaving the room. 

***

Regulus walked to the parking lot for lunch, stepping towards James’s car. He waited there until he saw James walking over. A second later, Lily appeared at his side, the pair talking within earshot. Lily smiled at him, though Regulus could see it was strained. “Mind if I join you two for lunch?”

James looked slightly surprised, but reached over to hold her books. “Of course not. I thought you had Psych?”

Lily shrugged, handing over her books. “Office hours today, we don’t have class.”

They headed over, and Regulus resisted the urge to groan. How lovely it was to spend a lunch period with his crush and his girlfriend who was planning to break up with him. He climbed in the back seat, smiling at Lily as she walked to the front. The drive was mostly silent, and they sat down at a table near the door. James was the first to break the stilted silence. “So, Reg, how’s your internship going?”

Regulus swallowed his food, glancing at Lily, who was staring down at the table. “It’s fine. We’re still doing poetry.”

James nodded, picking at his chips. “What kind?”

Regulus couldn’t help himself from looking at Lily, who was gritting her teeth. “Sonnets. Like Shakespeare.”

James opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the screeching of Lily’s chair as she moved away from the table, standing up and marching towards the bathroom with a clenched jaw. James sighed, standing up to follow. Regulus dropped his head in his hands, massaging his temple. His head was pounding, either from the concussion or this lunch period, he wasn’t sure. From this close to the bathroom, he could make out the hushed angry voices of the couple.

“You’re staring! And all you do is talk to him! Do you care how my internship is? When’s the last time you actually wanted to have a conversation with me?”

“I’m sorry, Lily! I’ve been busy! And everytime I talk to you, you yell at me!”

“Did you ever stop to wonder why?”

“I’m trying, Lily! He’s my friend, ok? Why is that such a problem?”

“For fuck’s sake, James! I know you’re not trying to be a dick but you are! You cannot be this oblivious!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Just forget it. We have to go back to school anyway.”

“Lily…”

His voice trailed off, but she was already making her way back over, and Regulus did his best to look like he wasn’t listening, taking out his phone and scrolling through it. Lily picked up her bag and walked out, getting into James’s passenger seat without another word. James picked up his garbage, his mouth twisted in a frown. Regulus gathered his things quietly, studying James. “Are you ok?”

James sighed loudly, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Fine.” He paused before speaking again. “I don’t think we’re gonna last.”

Regulus bit his lip, guilt twisting in his stomach. “Maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.”

James’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. “No, Regulus, that’s not… Just- I don’t- I…”

He lost his words, and Regulus just held his hands up. “Ok, sorry. I thought maybe that might help.”

James smiled sadly. “I think that would make it worse.”

Regulus was almost sure that wasn’t true. The drive back to the school was awkward and quiet, and Lily left the car without a word when they arrived. James dragged his feet as he walked back to the school. When Regulus finally got into class, he slumped in his seat, relieved. It was English, his favorite class and most importantly, away from James and Lily and their fighting. Remus turned from beside him. “You alright, Black? You look like shit.”

They had grown acquainted from being in the same class and knowing no one else. “Fine.”

Remus raised an eyebrow, his gaze running across the length of Regulus’s body. “Did James piss you off?”

Regulus slumped further in his seat, wishing he could disappear. “James and Lily, more accurately.”

Remus grimaced, swiveling in his chair to face him. “Yeah, I heard about that.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow, turning his head. “From James? Or Lily?”

Remus just leaned back. “Both.”

The teacher started the lesson, and Regulus immersed himself in the content, trying to ignore everything about lunch that day.

***

Regulus arrived at the Homecoming football game with all of his friends, dressed in red and gold. He hated football, and he grimaced as he started towards the crowded bleachers. They passed Lily and Remus on the way over. Lily was wearing a jersey with ‘Potter’ on the back, ‘JP’ drawn on her cheek in red, though her expression did not match her cheerful outfit. Regulus raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed, shaking her head. “Don’t ask. I wasn’t gonna talk to him before and ruin his game. Not so sure he’d care but still.”

Regulus nodded in understanding and walked past them, heading towards the concession stand. Dorcas raised an eyebrow at him. “What was that about? Are you friends with all of them now?”

Regulus just shrugged and avoided the subject, not wanting to air out James and Lily’s problems. “She’s nice.”

They collected their drinks and food, heading towards an empty spot in the bleachers. It just so happened to be behind where Remus was standing, clearly holding a spot for Lily. He nodded in greeting, turning as Marlene bounded up the steps towards them. She had ‘JP’ on one cheek and ‘SB’ on the other, red and gold lines decorating her under eyes. She wore a crop top detailed with red and gold, and her hair was tied back in braids. Marlene greeted Remus, then spun around to face Regulus and his friends. “Hey guys. I like the outfit, Meadowes.”

Regulus could see Dorcas turn away to hide her blush. Marlene turned back around, likely thinking nothing of it. The rest of Regulus’s friends were smirking. A second later, Lily marched towards them, her face red with anger. She stopped beside Remus, yanking off her jersey. “I swear to God, he’s such an ass.”

She was wearing a plain black tank top underneath, and she turned around and tossed it to Regulus. “Take it. He’d probably rather you wear it anyway.”

She reached up and smudged the paint on her cheek so it was unreadable. With a shake of her head, she turned to Marlene, who helped wipe off the paint with the edge of her shirt, eyes furrowed in concern. Regulus just stared at the jersey in his hands, unsure of what to do with it. He could feel the gazes of his friends on him, so he crumpled it up and shoved it in his pocket. Lily turned around with a freshly clean face. “Sorry, Regulus, I’m not pissed at you, it’s just…”

Regulus nodded, offering her a small smile. He hated how he had gotten so caught up in their relationship drama when he had never wanted any of it. “It’s alright.”

Pandora leaned her head on Regulus’s shoulder, lowering her voice to whisper in his ear. “Is something wrong with them?”

Regulus swallowed thickly. He supposed she would figure it out soon enough, and if he could trust anyone, it would be Pandora. “She’s pissed at him for being a shitty boyfriend because he doesn’t really make time for her, but he does for… other things.”

Pandora pulled back, biting at her lower lip. “Like you?”

Regulus fiddled with the water bottle in his hands. “Yeah. But not intentionally.”

Pandora gave him a sympathetic smile, kissed his cheek, and leaned her head back on his shoulder as the game started. It was comforting, and he leaned closer to her. The game was much closer, as James promised. The other team was rather good, matching most of their touchdowns. James managed to throw the winning touchdown just before the end of the game, giving Hogwarts the win. The plan was to go back to Dorcas’s for an hour before James’s party. Regulus stretched his muscles, following the crowd off the bleachers. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom quickly, I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”

His friends nodded, and Regulus hurried off. When he returned, the bleachers were empty, and there was no one around. He turned his head, staring at the field only to realize it wasn’t completely vacant. James sat on the turf, still wearing his equipment with his helmet in his hand and his head leaned back against the bench. Regulus found himself walking over, unable to help himself. He sat down beside James and didn’t say anything for a long time.

“You were right. It was a better game. That one may have even been enjoyable.”

James cracked a smile, tilting his head to look at Regulus. “I’m glad you thought so.”

His eyes caught on Regulus’s pocket, where the edge of the jersey was sticking out. “Is that-”

Regulus pulled it free and handed it over. It was James’s away football jersey. “Lily sort of threw it.”

James grimaced, taking it from his hand, their fingers brushing. “I should’ve expected that. I forgot to go see her before the game. It’s our pregame ritual. A kiss for luck.”

Regulus let that sit in the air between them for a long moment. “You’ve been a bit of a shit boyfriend lately.”

James leaned forward, tucking his head against his knees. “Yeah, guess I have.”

Regulus raised his eyebrows, turning to face James. “Are you gonna apologize?”

James nodded, his eyes staring off at the sunset. “Yeah. I’ve been pretty bad to her.”

Regulus bit his lip, wondering if an apology would fix their relationship. “You should.”

James leaned back on his hands, staring up at the sky. “I feel awful because she deserves better, but it doesn’t feel… right.”

Regulus frowned, looking out at the distance. “I’m not sure what you mean by that.”

James sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. “Something hasn’t been right between us for a while.”

Regulus didn’t know what to say to that. He picked at the strands of turf, biting his lip. “I’m sorry.”

James smiled sadly, bracing his hands on the ground and standing up. He held out a hand, helping Regulus up as well. The touch sent Regulus’s heart racing. “Do you need a ride?”

Regulus glanced down at his phone, a text from Dorcas reading, ‘are you coming?’

Regulus grimaced. “Maybe. Depends if Dorcas left me here or not.”

The two of them walked back to the parking lot in silence, the sun setting in the sky around them. A bright shade of pink lit up the sky, illuminating James in a golden light. He had a solemn look on his face, but Regulus thought he had never looked more beautiful. When they got to the parking lot, Dorcas was leaning against her car, caught up in a conversation with Marlene. James and Regulus exchanged an amused glance as they walked over. Marlene was leaning forward, closing the distance between them. “You should come some time, Meadowes. I’d love to see you there.”

Dorcas smirked, her eyes darting down to Marlene’s lips. “Maybe I will, McKinnon.”

Their heads snapped up as James and Regulus approached. Dorcas blushed, and Marlene grinned. “Good game, Potter. Where’s Sirius?”

James shrugged, standing next to Marlene. “Off somewhere with Remus, probably. Lily?”

Marlene grimaced. “Home. You might wanna call her. I’m not sure if she’ll come later.”

James sighed, running both hands through his hair and pulling slightly. “Right. Thanks.”

He waved and headed towards his own car. Marlene grinned and saluted Dorcas before getting into her own car. Dorcas connected her music and pulled away. “Thanks for making me wait.”

Regulus smirked, staring out the window as he watched James bring the phone to his ear beside his car. “You looked plenty busy. Where are you going with Marlene?”

Dorcas didn’t even look at him. “I might go to one of her games next week. Wanna come?”

Regulus laughed, shaking his head. “Any opportunity to watch you pine.”

Dorcas hit him for that comment. “James and Lily?”

Regulus leaned his head back, sighing. “Not so good. He’s been an ass to her, she’s pissed. He’s gonna apologize, though.”

Dorcas nodded and said nothing. Regulus spent the rest of the ride wondering how that would work out. 

***

An hour later, Regulus was stepping inside the Potter household. It was huge, practically a manor, and was extremely modern. The house was already packed with partygoers, some people lounging on the grass in the front yard. Just inside the house, there were steps to the left leading upstairs and a main living area to the right. The kitchen was behind it, several drinks sitting on the counter along with cups. The back door opened up into the backyard, where people were playing beer pong and dancing to one of the speakers. Just as they entered, James appeared with a smile. It didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey guys. Drinks in the kitchen, help yourself.”

They all nodded and thanked him, walking towards the kitchen. Regulus paused by the door, studying James. “Did you talk to her?”

James nodded, his smile slipping just a bit. “Yeah, I apologized. She forgave me, we’re good.”

Regulus bit his lip, trying to stop the disappointment swirling within him. “That’s good.”

James nodded, though the air between them was awkward. Regulus walked past, heading towards his friends. He was stopped by Lily, who hugged him. She was clearly drunk, her pupils blown and her words just a bit slurred. “Hi, Regulus!”

Regulus just laughed and awkwardly hugged her back. “Hi, Lily.”

She grinned, sipping her drink. “James and I made up.”

Regulus ignored the pit in his stomach once again. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. “That’s good.”

She frowned, swaying before leaning against the wall. “I don’t know if it is.”

Regulus’s eyebrows flew up. “Oh?”

She shrugged, her smile returning as her eyes moved past him. “Oh look! There’s Mary!”

She moved past him, heading for Mary, presumably. Regulus went to the kitchen, filling a cup with the first bottle he could find and downing it quickly. It burned his throat, but he didn’t mind. Barty clapped him on the shoulder. “Might wanna slow down.”

Regulus shook his head and refilled his cup. “You only live once and all that.”

An hour later saw Regulus several drinks in, staying in the corner like a wallflower. He was propped against the wall to stay standing. He had lost count of how many drinks he had, but he didn’t particularly care. It took away the edge of the pain in his stomach. He placed his newly empty cup down, frowning at it before stumbling to the bathroom. By some stroke of luck, it was empty. He shut the door, staring in the mirror and splashing cold water in his face. 

A second later, the door opened- he had forgotten to lock it- and James stepped inside. He made an ‘oh’ shape with his mouth. “Sorry, Reg.”

Regulus stumbled back in his surprise, nearly falling. James reached out and grabbed his wrist to steady him, the door falling shut behind them. “Are you ok, Regulus?”

Regulus nodded, but he got dizzy at the movement and fell forward. James caught him, his arms wrapping around him. The smell of sandalwood filled his lungs, and Regulus never wanted to move. “Sorry, ‘m a bit drunk.”

He slurred his words as he moved back, leaning heavily against the counter. James laughed, grabbing Regulus’s shoulder to keep him grounded. “Where do your parents think you are tonight?”

Regulus shrugged, glancing at himself in the mirror. He looked like a mess. “They know ’m here. Sleeping at Dorcas’s.”

James nodded, wrapping his arm around Regulus’s shoulder. His warmth immediately made Regulus sleepy. “Why don’t you crash here? You should probably sleep it off.”

Regulus didn’t know which direction was up, so he agreed without thinking, allowing James to guide him through the house. They walked upstairs, and James laid Regulus down on what Regulus assumed was his bed. The room was decorated with football posters. It was clean, the maroon bed sheets neatly tucked into the corners. He snuggled underneath them, already feeling the pull of sleep. James set a water bottle down beside Regulus, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Drink that when you can. You’re gonna have a hangover when you wake up. There’s aspirin here too. I put a bowl by the edge if you need to throw up, ok?”

Regulus just tucked his face into James’s pillow. It smelled just like him. “Ok.” 

James laughed, and Regulus turned over to face him. “I’m sorry.”

James frowned, watching Regulus carefully. “For what?”

Regulus let his head sink into the soft pillows. “She’s going to break up with you.”

Regulus was pulled into the clutches of sleep.

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up to the sound of a door clicking shut. He pried his eyes open, his head pounding. Before he could even adjust to his surroundings, there was a warm hand on his, placing a small pill in the center of his palm. Without thinking, he swallowed it using the water handed to him by the same person. Blinking slowly, the room came into focus, and Regulus could see James sitting on the corner of the bed he was laying in. The room was unfamiliar to him, and he sat up too quickly, reaching up to touch his pounding head. James gave him a soft smile. “Hi.”

Regulus bit his lip, pushing some of the blankets off his lap. “Hi. Sorry, what am I doing here? I was supposed to sleep at Dorcas’s.”

James leaned back on the bed, propped up on his elbows. “You were really drunk so I told you to crash here.”

Regulus grimaced, kicking himself for getting so drunk. “Right, sorry.”

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed, wincing as his head screamed at him for standing up. James followed suit, running a hand through his messy hair. “Do you want breakfast? I can drive you home after.”

Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to alleviate the headache as he grabbed his Converse from the floor. “No thanks, I’m not hungry.”

James just looked at him, his hands tucked into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Regulus-”

Regulus shook his head, tying the laces on his sneakers. “I’m fine, James, I’ll eat later.”

As he stood back up, a memory came rushing back to him, one of him stumbling into this room and saying… He snapped his head in James’s direction, eyes going wide. “Last night, did I tell you-”

James laughed, but the sound was strained. “That Lily’s going to break up with me?”

Regulus placed his hands over his face, turning away. “Shit, shit. I’m sorry, James. She told me she was gonna, but I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but then she said you guys made up so I don’t think she will break up with you anymore, and-”

James’s hands circled Regulus’s wrists, pulling them away from his face. “Relax, Regulus, I’m not mad at you, and she won’t be either. You were drunk, it’s fine. I’m gonna stop by her place after I drop you off. I think we need to talk.”

Regulus let out a sigh, guilt swarming in the pit of his stomach. “Ok. Sorry.”

James just smiled sadly before leading Regulus towards the door. Luckily, his parents weren’t present so they left without any fuss. The drive was quiet as Regulus cursed himself once again for getting so wrapped up in all of this. He really hated it. As James pulled into the driveway, Regulus avoided eye contact and got out. “Good luck, James. I’m sorry.”

Regulus didn’t give him a chance to answer before slamming the door and heading inside his house. His parents were busy and didn’t really care if he drank, so they were nowhere to be found. Regulus walked up the stairs and knocked on Sirius’s door. It was nearly the afternoon, so Sirius would likely be awake. He swung the door open, looking slightly worse for wear. Regulus chewed on his bottom lip anxiously. “Hi. Do you have Lily’s number?”

Sirius just frowned at him, squinting in the light of the hallway. “Yeah. Why?”

Regulus could feel the guilt gnawing at his stomach. “I need it. Please.”

Sirius sent the contact information to Regulus, and Regulus spun around and headed for his room. Sirius’s voice called after him. “I don’t think they’re into threesomes, Reggie!”

Regulus scowled, flipping Sirius off behind him as he walked away. “Fuck off, Sirius!”

Regulus clicked the contact and drafted a new message.

Regulus: Hi Lily, it’s Regulus. I know you’re probably busy, but I just wanted to apologize. I never meant to tell him, I was really drunk and hardly even remember saying it. But yeah, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Hope everything works out.

Lily was typing for a long moment after that. 

Lily: Ohhh, is that why he’s on his way over? No worries, Regulus, I’m not mad at you, it happens. You’re doing me a favor anyway, we technically fixed things last night but it’s not sitting right with me. See you later.

Regulus let out a small sigh of relief, nerves still eating at his stomach as he thought about the conversation James and Lily were likely having.

***

“You told him what?”

Regulus buried his face in his hands as he sat on the bed while Dorcas whipped around from in front of the mirror. “I know, ok? I know it was bad, but I was drunk, and I didn’t know what I was saying.”

Dorcas just stared at him before bursting out laughing, doubling over as she did. “Holy shit, Reg. That is too good. I can’t believe you told your crush that his girlfriend’s gonna break up with him, and neither of them are mad at you.”

Regulus shook his head, laying back down on Dorcas’s bed. “I know, I feel like shit.”

Dorcas sat beside him, taking extra care not to wrinkle her dress. “Listen. This isn’t really your fault. Their relationship was sort of tanking anyway. James has been a dick to her.”

Regulus sighed, sitting up. “I know. But I don’t think he means to, you know?”

Dorcas raised her eyebrows at Regulus. “Maybe not, but it’s still fucked up. She should dump him and switch teams, she’s hot.”

Regulus’s jaw dropped as he looked at his friend. “What about Marlene?”

Dorcas scowled, standing up and smoothing down the creases in her dress. “I told you, I don’t like her.”

Regulus stood up, fidgeting with the buttons of his shirt. He hated school dances. “Yeah, ok, Meadowes. You’re not hopelessly in love with her. Whatever you say.”

Dorcas glared at him, eyeing him pointedly up and down. “You’re one to talk.”

Regulus dropped it after that. A minute later, the rest of their friends walked in the door, all in formal clothing. Barty grinned as he walked into Dorcas’s room, collapsing onto the bed. “I think we should ditch this dumb high school dance and go get drunk instead.”

Evan raised his fist in the air like he was toasting a glass. “I second that.”

Dorcas and Pandora stared at the three boys. Pandora shook her head, her earrings flying about as she did. “I did not wear this dress to waste it on drinking in Dorcas’s room. Let’s go.”

***

They arrived at the dance less than an hour later, music already playing. The room was dark and covered in over the top decorations. A large crowd of students danced in front of the DJ. Regulus wanted no part of it. He turned and walked immediately out of the room, his head already pounding from the loud music. Heading straight for the bathroom, he made several turns down the hallway. He stepped inside, the peaceful silence washing over him. When he looked up, he saw James hunched over the sink, locking eyes with him in the mirror. He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hi.”

Regulus walked over, leaning his hip against the sink next to him. “What’s wrong?”

James stood up, shaking his head. “Nothing, I’m fine.”

Regulus raised both eyebrows, studying James’s face. “You’re hiding in a bathroom at a party. I’m sorry about last night, James. How did it go with Lily?”

James sighed, running a hand through his already messy hair as he dropped the fake smile. “She broke up with me.”

Regulus couldn’t say he was surprised. “I’m sorry.”

James waved a hand through the air, avoiding his gaze. “Don’t be. I deserved it.” There was a long silence in which Regulus waited for James to speak again, sensing his desire to do so. “It was the right decision, I think. Our relationship hasn’t been doing well, and we agreed to be friends. I apologized, and she forgave me. It’s just… there’s a lot going on in my head right now, and even though I deserved it, and it’s the best decision for us, it still kind of sucks, you know?”

Regulus couldn’t say he knew. He’d never been in a relationship before, but he nodded all the same. “I really am sorry.”

James placed a hand on Regulus’s arm, his warmth seeping through the fabric. “Don’t be. This is on me.”

The pair locked eyes, and James made no move to return to the dance. He turned back to the mirror, messing with his hair again. Regulus wasn’t sure why he asked what he did next. “Do you want to leave? The music is sort of hurting my head.”

James looked up, his lips forming a small smile. “Yeah, actually, I’d like that.” There was a long moment in which James just looked at him. “You look stunning, Regulus.”

Regulus stared at the ground, his cheeks flushing pink. When he finally gained the courage to look up, he found James gazing back. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Potter. Now come on. I’m craving french fries.”

James laughed as he followed Regulus out of the bathroom and down the hall. They left the school without any problems, getting into James’s car. Regulus undid the top buttons of his shirt collar, letting himself breathe. James’s eyes appeared to be fixed on the movement before he shook his head, flashed Regulus a weak smile, and started the car. James pulled into the parking lot of a Burger King several minutes later. They ordered their food and sat down at one of the booths in the corner. Regulus bit the plastic straw in his soda. “Isn’t the afterparty at your house?”

James nodded, pushing his own cup between his hands. “Yeah, it is, but Sirius has a key so I don’t have to be there for it.”

Regulus shook his head, smiling despite himself. “Your parents don’t mind? You literally just had a party.”

James shook his head, smiling genuinely. “No, they don’t care. As long as everyone is safe and I clean everything up.”

A silence fell over them, and Regulus was growing uncomfortable with the sad look on James’s face. “You’re quiet today, Potter.”

James hummed in agreement before a grin split across his face. “Would you rather play a game?”

Regulus sighed, shaking his head fondly. “Fine. What did you have in mind?”

James pulled his phone free from his pocket, gesturing for Regulus to do the same. “I have an idea. Give me your phone.”

Regulus just raised an eyebrow, but complied. James opened the text thread with Sirius, drafting a message.

Regulus: Sirius. Call me.

He used his own phone to write a message to Sirius as well.

James: Hey, Pads. Please call me when you get a second.

He sent both messages, and Regulus rolled his eyes at what he was trying to do. A second later, both of their phones buzzed with a notification from a newly created group chat. 

Sirius: Hi, idiots. I’m not playing games. I love you both. Where are you???

James: Hiding.

Sirius: I have both of your locations.

James: Shit.

Sirius: Can you bring me a chocolate shake later?

James: I’m not sure if I’m coming back for the afterparty.

Sirius: NOOOOOOO! It’s literally at your house, where are you gonna sleep?

James: A park bench. I hear they’re pretty cozy.

Regulus looked up from his phone to see James smiling at his own. “You can just stay at my house tonight.”

He wished to take the words back as soon as he said them, his heart quickening at the idea of James sleeping in his house. James glanced up, his smile stretching wider. “Thanks, Reg.”

Their phones buzzed again.

Sirius: Prongs, you are absolutely not doing that. Want me to cancel the party?

James: Nope. Reg said I could stay at yours. See you tomorrow, Pads.

Sirius: I can’t believe you’re staying at my house while I’m staying at yours.

James: We’ve always been tragic lovers, Pads. Two ships passing in the night.

Sirius: Alas, we were never destined to be together. Have fun with my brother, traitor.

James: I love you SO much, Pads.

Sirius: Love you more.

Regulus: Get a room.

James smiled and set his phone down, nibbling on one of the last fries. Regulus’s own phone buzzed with a private message from Sirius.

Sirius: I hope you know what you’re doing there.

Regulus: He’s straight, we’re friends. It’s all good, Sirius.

Sirius: Keep me updated.

Regulus liked the message before placing his own phone down. James stood to throw away their garbage, and Regulus followed him out the door of the Burger King and into his car. James hummed softly along to his playlist until they arrived at Regulus’s house. He hesitated before getting out of the car. “Are you sure it’s ok for me to sleep here?”

Regulus nodded, despite not having asked his mom yet. “Yeah, it’s fine. Trust me.”

James followed him into the house, and Regulus walked into the kitchen, James waiting by the door. His mom was sitting down, watching TV. “Hey, Regulus, you’re back early.”

Regulus nodded, awkwardly grabbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, the music was bothering my head. Is it ok if my friend sleeps here?”

She paused, looking past him. “Yeah, of course. Who is it? No girls, Regulus, unless it’s in a group.”

Regulus bit his lip, shaking his head at his mom’s obliviousness. “It’s James.”

She frowned, standing up. “James Potter? Sirius’s friend?”

Regulus nodded slowly, glancing over his shoulder. “Yeah, we sort of became friends this year, and he needs a place to crash.”

She stepped out of the kitchen and towards the hallway. “Yeah, that’s fine. Isn’t he having a party tonight though?”

Regulus bit his lip, knowing his mom wouldn’t like it if James left his house in Sirius’s hands. “Um, no, they changed it to Marlene’s house instead.”

She nodded, stepping towards the door until James was in view. “That’s fine, then. Hi, James, it’s lovely to see you again.”

James smiled politely, stepping forward. “You too, I’m sorry to intrude.”

Regulus was growing uncomfortable with this conversation. “Nonsense, we’re happy to have you. I just didn’t know you and Regulus were friends.”

James smiled sheepishly, his eyes flicking to Regulus’s. “It’s a bit of a new development.”

She smiled, gesturing upstairs. “Sirius’s room is being repainted right now so he’s been crashing at his friend’s houses, which I’m sure you know. Are you alright staying in Regulus’s room? His bed should be big enough.”

James’s eyes widened ever so slightly, and Regulus jumped in to save him. “Yes, that’s fine. Thanks, Mom.”

She smiled and turned on her heel, heading back towards the kitchen. Regulus stepped closer to James, ascending the stairs. “I can sleep on the floor, Sirius has a sleeping bag somewhere.”

James grabbed Regulus’s wrist, spinning him around. “You are not sleeping on the floor.”

Regulus bit his lip, swallowing harshly. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

James’s expression softened, and he smiled ever so slightly. “You’re not going to make me uncomfortable, Regulus, we’re friends.”

Regulus gave him a shaky smile, his heart pounding as he climbed the rest of the stairs. James immediately entered Sirius’s room. “I’m gonna steal some of Sirius’s clothes, I fucking hate formal clothing.”

Regulus smiled despite himself, slipping into his own room and changing quickly. James knocked a minute later, and Regulus swung the door open. James was wearing grey sweatpants and a band t-shirt, and he looked unbearably soft. Regulus had to force himself to look away as James walked inside and sat down on Regulus’s bed. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

Regulus shut the door and sat down beside him. “You don’t have to thank me.”

James leaned against the wall, tucking his knees into his chest as his eyes scanned the room. “Can I tell you something?”

Regulus glanced around to make sure nothing embarrassing was evident in his room. “Of course.”

James locked eyes with him, his expression hesitant and vulnerable. “I think I have feelings for someone else.”

Regulus’s breath hitched. This was not a conversation he knew how to navigate. “Oh.”

James nodded, turning to face Regulus. “Can I ask you something kind of personal?”

Regulus smiled, picking at small strings on his blankets. “Sure.”

James looked up, then glanced back now. He looked almost nervous. “How did you know you were gay?”

Regulus’s heart stopped. For just a moment, he couldn’t breathe, taking in the boy in front of him and his nervous expression. Regulus fumbled for words. “I- you think- but Lily- I don’t…”

He swallowed and tried to regain his composure. James still wasn’t looking at him. “I loved her. But that kind of faded a long time ago, I think. I’m pretty sure I have feelings for this guy now, but I just, I don’t know.”

Regulus swallowed and nodded slowly. “It sort of clicked when I was weirdly obsessed with Red, White, and Royal Blue. But I think I always sort of knew.”

James smiled, licking his lips. “I just don’t know how to figure out if these are romantic or platonic feelings.”

Regulus knew it was a terrible idea, but a part of him hoped that maybe James was talking about him. He ignored the rational part of his brain that told him that if it really was him, James wouldn’t be talking to him about it. “Do you want to kiss him? Because if you picture yourself doing it, and you’re grossed out by it, then it’s probably just platonic. You can have strong feelings about your friends. You and Sirius take that to a new level.” James snorted out a laugh, diffusing some of the tension. Regulus stared down at the blankets, feeling his cheeks burn. “Does it feel like how you feel about Sirius? Or is this someone you want to date?”

James shut his eyes, his chest rising and falling as he breathed. He looked unfairly beautiful in pajamas, sitting on Regulus’s bed looking slightly nervous. Regulus wanted to kiss him. James pried his eyes open, biting his lip. “It’s not like Sirius. It’s not at all like Sirius. I think… I do want to kiss him.”

Regulus nodded, leaning back against his pillows to calm his racing heart. “You could try to kiss him. See how it feels and go from there. You don’t need a label, James. You can just like who you like.”

James chuckled softly, turning to stare at the poster board on Regulus’s wall. “I could, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me like that.”

Regulus just stared at the side of his face, scared James could hear his pounding heartbeat. “You could talk to him.”

James didn’t answer, just moved from the bed and over to the poster board. It was covered in pieces of paper that held his scribbled writing ideas. He usually covered it when he had people over, but he couldn’t do anything but stare as James read his thoughts. “Is this about a book?”

Regulus squinted to see the paper he was alluding to, walking over to stand beside James. “I wrote a book, it’s actually in the process of being rewritten. I’m writing a second draft. That’s what that’s about.”

James smiled softly, and Regulus could feel the warmth radiating off him. “Can I read it?”

Regulus raised his eyebrows, unable to tear his eyes away from James’s. “Now?”

James shrugged, moving around the room and picking up random things of Regulus’s. Something about the look in James’s eye made Regulus reach for his backpack, pulling the printed first chapter of his book out of his folder and extending it to James. James turned around and took it, smiling as he did. He sat back down on the bed and began to read, his eyes flitting across the page. His heart was threatening to break free of his ribcage as he watched James turn the pages, reading his most sacred work. When James finally looked up, Regulus stopped breathing. “Holy shit, Regulus, this is incredible. You need to publish this, it would be like a Best Seller or whatever. You’re an incredible writer, you have to let me read the rest of it.”

Regulus let out a breath, taking the paper back from James and placing it on his dresser. “Ok, when it’s done, I’ll share it with you.”

James stared at him for a long moment before speaking in a low tone. “You’re amazing, do you know that?”

Regulus blushed, running a hand through his hair to hide it. “Thank you, James.”

Regulus settled back down on the bed, and James moved to sit next to him. Their shoulders were brushing, and Regulus fought the urge to lean into the touch. James leaned his head back against the headboard. “Regulus?”

Regulus let his eyes fall shut, exhaustion overwhelming him. “Hmmm?”

James shuffled slightly next to him so they were pressed up against each other entirely. “I’m really glad we’re friends. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Regulus’s lips curled up, and as the exhaustion clouded his brain, he let himself give in just a little, resting his head on James’s shoulder. “Me too.”

Regulus didn’t remember falling asleep.

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up surrounded by warmth, unwilling to move. He kept his eyes shut, basking in the comfort before the surface beneath him shifted. “Regulus.”

He hummed softly, still half-asleep. Something played gently with his hair. “You’re adorable, but your mom is yelling for us.”

Regulus finally registered the cadence of the voice speaking, and he lifted his head, finding himself half-laying on top of James. He silently cursed himself. “What?”

Regulus moved away from him, sitting up against the headboard and rubbing his eyes. James laughed softly, sitting up as well. “She yelled up the stairs for us to come down.”

Regulus nodded slowly, feeling his cheeks flush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

James just waved a hand through the air, his smile never leaving his lips. Regulus got out of bed, James following him down the stairs. His mom was waiting in the kitchen, organizing plates of breakfast food on the table. “Good morning boys, how did you sleep?”

James flashed Regulus a grin as he sat down. “Great, actually. Thanks for letting me stay over.”

She smiled, and Regulus looked away from the intensity of James’s eye contact. “Of course, James, we love having you here. Help yourself, please.”

She left the room, and Regulus and James filled their plates with the variety of foods she left. Regulus pulled out his phone, checking his text messages.

Dorcas: Where did you go?

Dorcas: Are you ok?

Dorcas: Did you leave?

Dorcas: I thought you were sleeping at mine?

Dorcas: ???

Regulus: Sorry, I just saw these. The music bothered my head, so I left early and went home.

Dorcas: Good morning to you too. Who drove you?

Regulus: James.

Dorcas: I didn’t see him at the afterparty come to think of it.

Regulus: He may have sort of kind of slept here?

Dorcas: And you didn’t fucking tell me?!?

Dorcas: Wait.

Dorcas: I thought Sirius’s room was being redone.

Regulus: It is.

Dorcas: He didn’t…

Regulus: I literally woke up on top of him.

Dorcas: Kinky

Dorcas: Sorry, Barty stole my phone. What the actual fuck, Regulus? Details, please.

Regulus: We just talked, nothing changed.

Dorcas: Rumor has it he and Lily broke up.

Regulus: I cannot confirm.

Dorcas: You are such a dick, I hate you.

Dorcas: Call me later.

Regulus put his phone away, looking up and meeting James’s eye. James glanced around the room quickly before lowering his voice. “About last night… Could you maybe not tell anyone?”

Regulus nodded, swallowing hard. “I wasn’t going to, but yeah, of course.”

James smiled weakly, biting his lip. “Thanks. It’s all very confusing.”

Regulus sipped the orange juice in front of him. “I’ve been there. I’m always here if you need anything.”

James smiled, this one reaching his eyes. “Thank you.”

The sincerity in his voice made Regulus blush. A second later, the door swung open, and Sirius walked in, sitting down at the table beside them. “Well, if it isn’t my idiot brother and the traitor.”

James smirked, leaning back in his seat. “Another dramatic entrance. I would expect nothing less from you.”

Sirius laughed, eyeing James’s shirt. “Is that my shirt?”

James shrugged, biting into a piece of bacon. “I may have stolen it.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows, his eyes flicking back up to James’s face. “And who gave you permission to do that?”

James grinned, a mischievous spark in his eyes. “You’re more than welcome to take it off.”

Sirius just slapped James on the shoulder, his eyes finding Regulus’s. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Potter.” Sirius cleared his throat, spinning around to face Regulus. “So. How was your night?”

Regulus just forced a smile, not enjoying the questioning tone of Sirius’s voice. “Good.”

Sirius directed his next question to James. “You stay in Regulus’s room?”

Something flashed across James’s face as he made eye contact with Regulus. “Yeah.”

Sirius just pursed his lips and nodded. “So tell me something, Prongs. Why is it that I had to hear about your breakup from Evans?”

James swallowed, eyes darting down to the table. “Sorry?”

Sirius leaned in, placing a hand on James’s arm. “Are you ok?”

James looked up, eyes meeting Regulus’s again. “Yeah, I’m fine. It was for the best.”

Sirius bit his lip, nodding slowly. “You wanna hang here for a bit?”

James stood up, cleaning up his plate. “No, I’ve already intruded enough. I have some homework I need to catch up on.”

Sirius frowned, eyes darting across the length of James’s face. “Prongs-”

James was already heading for the door. “Bye Reg, bye Sirius. Thanks for letting me crash.”

He forced a smile before stepping outside of the house. Sirius sat down in the chair beside Regulus. “Explain.”

Regulus placed his head in his hands, groaning softly. “I found him in the bathroom, and he told me about the breakup. I suggested we leave, and he seemed to want to so we went to Burger King, and he said he didn’t want to go to the afterparty so I said he could sleep here.”

Sirius looked off into the distance like he was processing. “He slept in your bed?”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat at that, about to tell Sirius that James was straight when the conversation from the previous night ran through his head. “It’s fine, Sirius. Nothing happened. We just talked. And besides, James is straight.”

Regulus wasn’t sure how much James had told Sirius, so he opted to lie for him. Sirius stared at the door with a frown. “He was acting weird. Was he weird last night?”

Regulus shrugged, following Sirius’s eyeline. “Not really. He was fine last night.”

Sirius bit his lip, eyes flicking from Regulus and back to the door. “Huh.”

Regulus looked at his brother, trying to read his expression. “What?”

Sirius stared at Regulus for a second too long before shrugging. “Nothing. It’s probably nothing. I’ll talk to him later.”

Sirius stole a piece of bacon off Regulus’s plate before standing up and walking away.

***

“You woke up on top of him?”

Regulus sighed and readjusted his phone. “I wasn’t fucking straddling him, Cas. I was laying on his chest, and he had an arm around me. It was completely accidental.”

Dorcas just snorted, shaking her head. “Whatever you say, Regulus.” There was a small pause before she spoke again. “I kissed her.”

Regulus started hysterically laughing, nearly knocking his phone over. “Holy shit, Cas, you are so predictable.”

Dorcas scowled at him, her voice slightly choppy through the phone. “Shut up, Black, you just had a sleepover with your crush. We were drunk, but fuck, Regulus, I think I’m in love with her.”

Regulus smirked, leaning back against the headboard. “Are you gonna tell her?”

Dorcas scoffed. “Are you crazy? No! I kissed her, it’s her move.”

Regulus shook his head, knowing his friend’s antics all too well. “Of course, because why would you take initiative when you’re sober?”

Dorcas flipped him off just as Regulus’s phone started to ring, another call coming in from James. “Cas, do you mind if I call you back? James is calling.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes, a smirk on her lips. “Of course he is. Talk to you later. I want all the details.”

Regulus clicked to end the call and accept James’s. “Hey, what’s up?”

There was no answer, only the soft noise of ragged breathing through the phone. “James? Are you ok?”

Regulus could hear someone move on the end of the other line. “Reg, I-”

He was cut off by the sound of hurried breathing, and Regulus could almost make out the noise of low sobs. “What’s wrong, James? I’m right here. Talk to me.”

It was clear James was crying through the phone. “Can you just sit with me for a second?”

Regulus nodded before remembering James couldn’t see him. “Of course, James, I’m right here, just breathe.”

There were a few deep breaths on the other line before James spoke again. “Can you come here? I know you don’t drive but maybe someone could take you? If you can’t, it’s ok, I get it, but I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

Regulus bit his lip, not wanting to ask his parents or Sirius to drive him. “I’ll find a way, but I have to hang up. Is that ok?”

James sniffled before he spoke. “Yeah, that’s ok. Thanks, Reg.”

Regulus hung up the phone and dialed Dorcas. “Hey, Regulus. What did he call for?”

Regulus stood up, already grabbing his shoes. “I need a really big favor.”

***

Regulus sat in Dorcas’s car just a block away from the Potter's house, sighing out a breath of relief as she pulled into the driveway. “Cas, you are the best person ever, I literally love you, and I owe you one.”

Dorcas just laughed as Regulus got out of the car. “Yeah, whatever, Reg. Text me later.”

Regulus nodded as he walked embarrassingly fast to the door. When he knocked, James swung it open, wearing sweatpants and a football shirt, his hair sticking up at every angle, and his eyes swollen and red-rimmed, tear tracks staining his face. He didn’t say a word, just stepped forward and enveloped Regulus in a hug. Regulus sank into the touch, wrapping his arms gently around James. “Hi.”

James buried his face in Regulus’s shoulder despite being taller, his voice muffled. “Hi.”

They pulled apart several moments later, and James led Regulus upstairs. They sat down on James’s bed, their knees touching, and James picked at threads on the blankets. Regulus placed a hand over James’s leg in a silent show of comfort. James glanced down at Regulus’s hand, taking it in his own and squeezing it. “My grandma’s dead.”

Regulus watched a tear stream down James’s cheek before he leaned forward and hugged James again. James stayed in Regulus’s arms, tucking his head against Regulus’s chest as he sobbed. Regulus moved one hand up to run it through James’s hair, holding him tightly with the other arm. “I’m so sorry, James. I’m so, so sorry.” 

James let out a stuttered breath which fanned out against Regulus’s skin. “My parents are devastated, obviously, and they asked me if I wanted to hang out with them, just so I wouldn’t be alone, but the only thing I could think was that I wanted to be with you. And I’m sorry, I don’t want to put this on you, but I just-”

Regulus shushed him, his fingers trailing down the side of James’s face as he brushed a lock of hair away. “You are not a burden, James. This is what friends are for. I’m here for you, always.”

It hurt Regulus’s heart to see James like that, so he held him just a little tighter, listening as James rehashed memories and cried fresh tears every few minutes. He listened for over an hour, laying back on James’s bed when he grew tired of sitting, James curling up against his chest. After a while, James fell silent, only the sound of his breathing filling the air. “Thank you for listening.”

Regulus gently wove his fingers through James’s hair, smiling down at him. “Always, James.”

James fell asleep a few minutes later, their position a direct reversal of how they woke up earlier that morning. Regulus fished his phone out of his pocket, careful not to stir James as he kept one arm around him. 

Regulus: Thanks for driving me.

Dorcas: I was wondering if you two were still alive. Is he ok?

Regulus: He’s upset. It’s not really my place to share.

Dorcas: Understood. Are you still there?

Regulus: Yeah. He’s asleep right now.

Dorcas: Asleep how?

Regulus: He’s laying on top of me.

Dorcas: What.

Regulus: He’s so fucking adorable, Cas.

Dorcas: Regulus. That boy is in love with you.

Regulus: No, he’s not. He just needed someone.

Dorcas: Then why didn’t he call Sirius?

Regulus: Because Sirius is probably off ogling Remus somewhere.

Dorcas: You are not this oblivious.

Regulus: I can’t get my hopes up, Cas, that won’t end well.

Dorcas: Fine. Be careful, ok?

Regulus: Ok. Have you talked to McKinnon?

Dorcas: Byeeeee.

Regulus: For fucks sake.

There was a soft knock at the door before a woman peeked her head in. She had a striking resemblance to James, with warm brown eyes and chocolate colored hair that fell in waves around her shoulders. Smile lines were evident in her face, and her mouth formed a small ‘oh’ when she saw Regulus. “Hi, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize James had company.”

James was still sleeping, one arm wrapped around Regulus and the other strewn across the bed. “Sorry about that, he asked me to come over.”

The woman Regulus assumed was Euphemia stepped further into the room. “I’m Effie. It’s very nice to meet you.”

Regulus smiled, resting his hand on James’s back as he suddenly felt very exposed. “Regulus. It’s nice to meet you, too. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Effie’s eyes saddened as they flicked to James. “Thank you.”

A second later, James began to stir, sitting up and wiping his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low, a touch of sleep evident there that sent Regulus’s heart skipping. “Oh, hi, Mom.”

Effie smiled sadly at him as she hovered near the door. “Dinner’s ready. Will Regulus be joining us?”

Regulus glanced at James, sitting up slightly. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

James looked at him, his eyes wide and welling with tears. “Please stay.”

His voice was soft, and he reached for Regulus’s hand, holding it in his own. Regulus couldn’t bring himself to look away. “Ok. If it isn’t too much trouble.”

They followed Effie downstairs, James’s father sitting at the table. He looked like an older version of James with round glasses and a blinding smile, even if it was tainted with sadness. “Hello. I’m Monty.”

Regulus smiled, reaching across the table to shake his outstretched hand. “Regulus. It’s so nice to meet you.”

He sat down at the table beside James as Effie whispered something to Fleamont, the pair of them sitting across from the boys. They chatted mindlessly for a while, James rarely chiming in when Effie broke a particularly awkward silence. “So. How long have you two been dating?”

Regulus choked on his food, and James’s head snapped up. “Oh, um-” He glanced at Regulus before looking back at his mom. “We aren’t, uh, dating. We’re just friends.”

Regulus forced himself to swallow, breathing through his nose. Effie just exchanged an amused look with Monty. “My mistake. You’re Sirius’s brother, yes?”

Regulus nodded, sipping his water slowly. “Yeah, I am.”

Monty smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Great kid.”

Regulus just smiled in response. The rest of the dinner was relatively quiet, and James followed Regulus to the door after he thanked Effie and Monty profusely. James leaned against the door, watching as Regulus tied his sneakers. “Will you… come with me to the wake? It’s on Saturday, it starts at three, I can pick you up.”

Regulus stood up, smiling softly. “Of course, James.”

James stepped forward and wrapped Regulus in a hug, the two of them embracing for several seconds. James whispered quietly in Regulus’s ear, “Thank you for coming.”

Regulus smiled as he pulled back, squeezing James’s hand softly. “If you need anything, just call. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

James nodded, and Regulus stepped outside to see his mom’s car waiting. He got into the passenger seat, thanking his mom for picking him up as they pulled away. When they arrived home, Sirius was sitting on Regulus’s bed with his eyebrows raised. “Where were you?”

Regulus pulled his sneakers off and tossed them to the side. “Why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?”

Sirius laid back on the bed, sprawling out his limbs. “How is he, then?”

Regulus shoved Sirius over and sat down on his bed. “He’s fine, Sirius. Don’t sound so jealous.”

Sirius sat up and glared at Regulus. “I am not jealous, Reggie. I’m simply theorizing.”

Regulus frowned, scowling up at Sirius. “What the fuck does that mean?”

Sirius just poked his cheek, standing up. “You shall see, Reggie.”

He skipped out of the room without another word. Regulus rolled over and grabbed his phone.

James: Thank you <3

Regulus: Always <3

***

Regulus slid into his seat during first period, glancing over at James. “Hi.”

James smiled at him, though it was slightly stilted. “Hey.”

Regulus nudged his arm slightly, creating a point of contact between them. “Are you ok?”

James shrugged, leaning back in his seat. “Been better. But better than yesterday.”

Regulus just nodded, flashing him a soft smile in support. The teacher started the lesson, pausing at the end of the class to make an announcement. “We are starting a project for the next three weeks. It’s on the extent of pollution in different countries. Most of the work is to be done at home. You will be working with your desk partner.”

He started to assign countries, giving James and Regulus China. James leaned back in his chair, turning to face Regulus. “You could sleep over Saturday night after the wake, and we could start the project Sunday if you want? I have off practice on Sundays, and my practice is early Saturday.”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat at the prospect of another sleepover, despite his mind screaming at him that it was a bad idea, sounding suspiciously like both Sirius and Dorcas. “Sounds good. I’ll run it by my mom.”

James smiled, standing up and waiting for Regulus as they walked out of the room. They were quickly ambushed by Sirius, who threw his arms over both their shoulders, walking in the middle of them. “Ah, my favorite people. Prongs! Moony and Wormtail are around on Sunday, and we were thinking we should hang out with the four of us. You in?”

James glanced at Regulus over Sirius’s head. “I have plans, sorry.”

Sirius frowned, slowing to a stop. “With who? You don’t have other friends.”

James brought a hand up to his chest, gasping in mock offense. “How dare you? I have plenty more friends. Reg and I are working on a project for science. Maybe next weekend.”

Sirius turned and raised an eyebrow at Regulus. “Of course you are. Sounds fun. Next weekend, then.”

***

“I seriously can’t think of anything worse.”

Pandora laughed and grabbed Regulus’s hand, pulling him towards the center of the gym. “Square dancing is fun! Also, we’re combining with the advanced gym class, so we’ll be with James.”

She wiggled her eyebrows, and Regulus pulled his arm free from her grasp. “Don’t say it like that.”

She grinned as they sat down in the middle of the gym beside the rest of the students. One of the gym teachers, Mrs. Trelawney, clapped her hands. “Welcome to our square dancing unit!” There was a collective series of groans, and Mrs. Trelawney smiled. “Yes, I know, everyone’s favorite unit. But we are switching it up a bit this year. Unfortunately, this activity is required by the state, but I believe it reinforces traditional gender roles and is not at all up to date with the changes in society. So, we are going to get into groups of eight, regardless of gender. Dance with the same gender, dance with the opposite gender, dance with someone who has no gender! I’m tired of outdated state instructions, so we’re changing the game. You may pick your groups, and I will assign whoever’s left.”

Everyone scrambled around to get into groups when Regulus felt a warm hand clasp around his wrist. He spun around to see James smiling at him. “Be my partner?”

Regulus’s heart fluttered as he nodded. “Sure.”

Pandora had run off to her boyfriend, Xenophilius’s group. James pulled Regulus over to where Sirius and Remus were standing, alongside Peter and Emmeline, as well as Mary and Lily. The rest of their friends and Regulus’s were in a different gym period. Trewlaney started instructing the students on the different moves, reminding them about the unit they’d done every year for four years now. James faced Regulus, their eyes locked as they did the movements. They stepped around each other in a do-si-do, their gazes fixed on each other. They linked arms for another move, and James slipped his hands into Regulus’s as they promenaded around the square. Regulus could suddenly understand the appeal of the dance. As they walked in a circle, James placed a hand on the small of Regulus’s back, guiding him in the right direction. With every touch, Regulus could feel his skin on fire, a shiver running down his spine. He had to resist the urge to lean into James’s warmth. Once they had finished practicing for the day, Trewlaney instructed them to bow to their partner as a sign of respect. James and Regulus bowed, never breaking eye contact, and as they stood up straight, James grabbed Regulus’s hand, spinning him around before pulling him in. A laugh bubbled out of Regulus’s throat as he crashed into James’s chest, suddenly surrounded by warmth. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how you’re supposed to do it.”

James looked down at him, smiling genuinely for the first time in days. “It’s more fun that way.”

The pair had to split up to return to their respective teachers, and James waved before turning away. Regulus regrouped with Pandora, slightly short of breath. “You know, I think you’re right, square dancing isn’t all that bad.”

Pandora laughed, shaking her head. “Oh, you are so far gone.”

Regulus shoved her for that comment. 

***

“You square danced with him?”

Regulus threw his hands up as he sat in the passenger seat of Dorcas’s car. “You say that like we aren’t on the way to your girlfriend’s game!”

Dorcas shook her head, turning right onto the next street. “She’s not my girlfriend. And you and James have surpassed dating, you’re practically already married.”

Barty cackled from the backseat. “You’re both pathetic. Cas, you haven’t even talked to McKinnon since you kissed her, and yet we’re going to the game she invited you to weeks ago.”

Dorcas flipped him off as they pulled into the parking lot. When they walked onto the bleachers, Sirius waved them over where he was sitting with Mary, Lily, James, Remus, and Peter. James grinned at him, gesturing to the spot next to him, which Regulus took. Sirius gave him an unimpressed look. “Meadowes, Marlene will be thrilled to see you here.”

Dorcas just raised her eyebrows, sitting directly in front of Regulus. “Oh really?”

Sirius nodded, leaning closer to Remus. “Yep. She doesn’t shut up about you.”

Mary elbowed Sirius in the side. “Black, shut it.”

Sirius winked at Dorcas before leaning back and watching the game. At halftime, James stood up. “Come with me?”

Regulus nodded, unsure where they were going. James turned to the group, speaking louder. “Anyone want anything from the snack stand?”

Sirius looked at Regulus, then back to James. “Yeah, a thousand dollars and a new best friend.”

James just grinned, shaking his head. “You’re stuck with me, Pads.”

He patted Sirius’s head before walking down the bleachers. All of Regulus’s friends gave him looks as he walked past. He waited in line beside James, who ordered two hot chocolates. He handed one to Regulus, who stared at the cup before thanking him. James didn’t move to return to their spots right away, so they stood behind the bleachers, sipping their drinks quietly. “I haven’t told anyone about… what I told you yesterday.”

Regulus was beginning to lose count of how many secrets of James’s he knew. “Ok.”

James flexed his jaw, looking away. “I don’t want their pity, you know?”

Regulus nodded, sipping his drink slowly. “I won’t tell them, if that’s what you want to know.”

James locked eyes with him, and only then Regulus could see the pain in his eyes. “Thank you. I know you’re keeping a lot of secrets for me.”

Regulus drained the last of his hot chocolate and tossed it in the nearby garbage. “I don’t mind.”

James reached up, using the pad of his thumb to brush at the top of Regulus’s lip. Regulus stopped breathing as he did. James pulled his hand back, smiling softly. “You had chocolate…”

The sound of the whistle made them both jump, and they started back towards the game without another word. It was rather uneventful, and Regulus was coming to realize that sports games were only enjoyable when James was playing. When the game ended, Marlene came running off the field. Dorcas was standing near the fence, talking to Pandora, and Marlene interrupted them, saying something Regulus couldn’t hear. The rest of the group made their way down the bleachers, and Regulus and James were walking slightly ahead. When Regulus looked back, he saw Marlene grab Dorcas’s jacket, yank her forward, and kiss her. Regulus laughed, prompting James to follow his eyeline and do the same. “Hopefully they get their shit together.”

Regulus nodded, leaning against the fence. “I think they would be good together.”

James hummed in agreement. “Me too.” There was a small pause before James spoke again, fidgeting with his hands and a nervousness evident in his voice. “I have something to tell you.”

Regulus looked up, watching as James avoided his eye. “Ok?”

James glanced up, then looked back down again. “I think I-”

“Potter!”

James was interrupted by Marlene throwing her arms around James and nearly tackling him to the floor. James laughed, wrestling her off him with a smile. “Great game, Marls, you killed it.”

She released him, a huge smile on her face. “Thanks for coming, James. Did you see that one play where…”

She launched into a play-by-play of the game, wrapping an arm around James and walking off with him. Regulus felt disappointment settle in his stomach as he wondered what it was James was going to tell him. James turned his head, mouthing ‘Later’ to Regulus with a small smile. Dorcas walked up to him, nudging Regulus’s shoulder. “Why do you look like a lost puppy?”

Regulus shoved her, falling into stride with her. “Details, please. What did she say to you?”

Dorcas launched into an explanation, and Regulus listened to her carefully. He could feel eyes on him, and when he glanced up, he saw James already looking back.

Chapter Text

“She wouldn’t shut up about it for three hours. I swear, James, we walked all the way back to her car, she talked about it all the way back to my house, then she called me and talked about her until I fell asleep.”

James laughed from where he sat across from Regulus in James’s parked car. “Marlene wasn’t actually talking to me about soccer. That was a ploy so you wouldn’t overhear. She dragged me to her house to gush about Dorcas for three hours.”

Regulus smiled, leaning his head back against the cool glass of the window. “They’re good for each other.”

James nodded, spooning a scoop of ice cream into his mouth. “I’m glad they finally worked it out. Marlene wouldn’t shut up about Dorcas since that first football game.”

Regulus laughed, the sound filling the empty car. “Yeah, Dorcas was the same way. She stalked her Instagram, then pretended to hate her for a while. The whole works.”

James shook his head with a fond smile, placing his empty ice cream cup on the dashboard. “Sounds about right.”

Regulus fell silent for a while, studying James’s face. He smiled less frequently since the day he broke down in Regulus’s arms, but he seemed to be getting better. “How are you doing, James?”

James’s smile softened as he locked eyes with Regulus. “Better, I think. I’m gonna have a hard time at the wake, I’m sure, but it’s a little easier every day.”

Regulus offered him a small smile in support, shifting slightly in his seat. “I’ll be there the whole time for anything you need.”

James’s expression softened, and he reached across the space between them to grab Regulus’s hand. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Regulus just squeezed his hand in response before shifting the topic to something that had been bothering him. “What were you going to tell me at the game before Marlene interrupted?”

James didn’t pull his hand back, leaving it intertwined with Regulus’s. “Oh, right. So, um…” He trailed off, looking slightly nervous as he averted his gaze out the window. “I don’t know why I’m nervous, this is dumb. I think I’m bi. Like bisexual. Like I like both guys and girls.”

He was nervously rambling, and Regulus started rubbing small circles on the back of James’s hand absentmindedly to sooth him. “I’ve never really figured out what to say when people come out. But I’m so happy for you, James. And I’m glad you’re telling me.”

A blinding grin split across James’s face as he leaned slightly closer. “I haven’t really told anyone yet. It feels kind of… personal? I don’t know, I just don’t think I’m ready for people to know.”

Regulus nodded, running his free hand through his hair. “There’s no rush, James. Do everything on your own time.”

James’s smile softened. “I took one of those ‘Am I Gay?’ quizzes.”

Regulus laughed, leaning back in his seat. “I did too, back when I was figuring it out.”

James smirked, shaking his head. “Was this before or after you watched ‘Red, White, and Royal Blue?’”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “After. But I watched that movie like a hundred times. I can practically quote it by now.”

James’s laugh echoed beautifully through the car. “We should watch it on Saturday night when we get back to my house.”

Regulus blushed, turning his head away as he remembered some of the more explicit scenes that he wasn’t sure he would be able to watch with James beside him. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

James nudged his leg playfully. “Oh come on, I want to see the movie that turned you gay.”

Regulus scoffed, leaning his head against his palm. “It did not turn me gay.”

James just shrugged, reaching for his phone. “I still want to see it.”

Regulus huffed out a breath, unable to argue as James pulled up the trailer and watched it on his phone. “Fine.”

James pumped his fist in triumph, scrolling down on the search page until he came across a news article that discussed a possible sequel. Regulus leaned in, reading the headline. “I’ve been wondering about the sequel. Send that to me?”

James nodded and clicked the share button. Regulus’s contact was the first to come up, and Regulus had to fight not to react when he saw the red heart emoji next to the shortened version of his name. James didn’t seem to notice or care, so Regulus just held his breath until James clicked send. The time was growing later, and they had been sitting outside Regulus’s house for the better part of an hour on a school night. Regulus pulled his hand back, reaching for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

James nodded, waving as he faced forward in his seat. “Bye, Reg. See you tomorrow.”

Regulus was dialing Dorcas’s number before he even stepped inside. She picked up on the third ring. “He has a red heart next to my name on his phone, and he wants to watch ‘Red, White, and Royal Blue’ with me on Saturday.”

Dorcas’s laugh was clear to the phone. “Well hello to you too. That’s actually adorable, and I told you so.”

Dorcas was interrupted by Regulus’s mom calling out to him as he ascended the stairs. “Regulus! Dinner!”

Regulus pulled the phone away from his ear and yelled back. “I ate with James!”

He headed up the stairs, his stomach growling in protest at his lie. Dorcas didn’t seem to notice, continuing to talk. “What are you planning on doing for the sex scenes if the two of you are cuddling?”

Regulus let out a sigh, his cheeks burning. “Dying of embarrassment. I tried to tell him no, but he can be very convincing.”

Dorcas snorted. “Yeah, ok. Listen, I have to head out, Marls is picking me up.”

Regulus collapsed back onto his bed, laughing. “Did you tell her you love her yet?”

There was a small pause. “I might’ve said it yesterday on the phone before I fell asleep.”

Regulus snorted, shaking his head. “Of course you did. She said it back?”

“Duh.”

Regulus rolled over, scrolling through his phone. “I’m happy for you, Cas. Have fun.”

There was the sound of rustling through the phone. “Thanks, Reg. Bye.”

***

Regulus was slightly nervous as he stood in front of the mirror wearing all black. The button-up seemed to choke him, and his pants felt too formal. He swallowed the discomfort, peaking out of his blinds just as James’s car pulled into his driveway. Regulus’s phone pinged, and he stepped out of his room, nearly running into Sirius in the hallway. Sirius eyed his outfit with suspicion written across his face. “Where are you going?”

Regulus shrugged, trying to come up with a lie quickly. “Some art event for Pandora? I don’t know all the details.”

Sirius cocked his head to the side, something flashing in his eyes. “She driving you?”

Regulus figured that if Sirius took one look outside, he would be caught, so he opted for a fraction of the truth. “James.”

Sirius’s eyes flickered again before his mouth settled into a smirk. “Tell him I said hi.”

Regulus just nodded in response before heading out the door, getting into James’s car. “Hi.”

James paused for a second, staring at Regulus. “You look stunning, Regulus.”

Regulus’s breath hitched as he took in James’s appearance, wearing a similar outfit with his hair more tame than usual. “You look good too, James.”

There was a softness to his voice that made James’s lips curl up before he put the car in drive and pulled away. “Sirius says hi by the way. He saw my outfit so I told him you were taking me to one of Pandora’s art shows.”

James just nodded, pursing his lips as he stared at the street in front of them. Regulus rested a hand on James’s right knee, studying his face. “How are you doing?”

James glanced down at his hand, then up at Regulus’s face. “Better than I thought I would be. I might be a bit of a mess in the funeral home, though, sorry.”

Regulus left his hand there, sitting gently on top of James. “Don’t apologize, James, you’re allowed to be upset.”

James took one hand off the wheel, placing it over Regulus’s in a silent show of gratitude. They were quiet the rest of the drive as they pulled into the parking lot. The pair joined a group of people filing into the funeral home. One of the women in front of them turned around and hugged James, holding him for several seconds. Regulus could see the sadness written across James’s face now, his sunny disposition somewhat dimmed. He stepped closer subconsciously. The woman locked eyes with him as she pulled away from James. She had short blonde hair that curled up at the edges and bright blue eyes. “Who’s this?”

James leaned into Regulus’s side where they were touching. “Regulus. He’s a friend.”

Regulus ignored the way the word sent a pang of hurt ricocheting through his stomach as he shook the woman’s hand, smiling softly. She was James’s aunt, though he forgot her name by the time they made it through the doors. When they were just outside the room, they made their way over to Effie and Monty, who hugged James and then Regulus, thanking him for coming. She was Monty’s mother, and they had all been very close according to James. When they finally made their way into the room, James inhaled sharply at seeing the open casket. The woman was old and frail, with short white hair. She wore a long, black dress as she laid back in the coffin. James stumbled slightly, and Regulus placed one hand on his back, slipping his hand into James’s. James shot him a grateful smile with watery eyes as they took their seats in the second row. Regulus rubbed small circles on James’s hand, hoping to distract him. They had to stand up every few seconds to greet new family members and guests. One of James’s cousins who appeared to be just a few years older glanced at Regulus with a smirk. “This your boyfriend?”

James let out a weak chuckle that sounded more like a sob. “He’s a friend.”

Regulus didn’t miss the way his cousin’s eyes dropped to their intertwined hands before smiling politely. They took their seats, and a priest started a small service, reading sermons and giving small speeches. James leaned his head against Regulus’s shoulder, and Regulus wrapped his left arm around James to hold him closer. He could hear the faint sound of James crying against the fabric of his shirt. A few people gave speeches, and when Monty gave one, James started shaking with sobs. Regulus didn’t care how it looked as he pulled James even closer, hugging him until he was nearly in his lap, his face buried in Regulus’s chest. Regulus ran his hands through James’s hair, whispering quietly. “You’re ok, James, I’m right here.”

At the end of the small service, Regulus followed James and his parents up to the casket, standing beside it as friends and other guests stopping by made their way through. Effie, Monty, and James hugged each person who arrived, tears still running down James’s face. After about the fiftieth guest who made their way over, Regulus looked up to see James’s friends enter, and his heart sank. Sirius, Peter, Remus, Marlene, Lily, and Mary all made their way in, dressed in black and whispering quietly. James leaned down a bit to whisper in Regulus’s ear, his grip on his hand tightening. “Did you-”

Regulus shook his head, still staring at Sirius. “No.”

Sirius approached first, hugging Effie and Monty and stopping in front of the two of them. James dropped his hand. Sirius hugged James, though Regulus could see how stiff James was. “I’m so sorry, James.”

Sirius pulled back and looked at Regulus, biting his lip. “Art show?”

James stepped slightly forward, a bit in front of Regulus. “I asked him not to say anything.”

Hurt flashed across Sirius’s face. “Why? I wanted to be here for you, James. Your cousin posted something, so I wanted to show my support.”

James inhaled deeply, wiping the tears away, and suddenly, Regulus understood. For whatever reason, James allowed his walls to fall when he was around Regulus. He allowed himself to be vulnerable and to feel. He shielded that away from his friends, trying to pretend he was fine. That had to be exhausting. “I appreciate it, Sirius, but I’m fine, really.”

Sirius nodded, stepping away as the rest of their friends hugged James. James forced a smile each time. Sirius lowered his voice to talk to Regulus. “Are you coming home tonight?”

Regulus shook his head, glancing at James. “No.”

Sirius just nodded, waiting for the rest of his friends before leaving. When they finally exited, James grabbed his hand again and let out a breath. Regulus looked up at him to see the tears welling again. “James…”

He didn’t say much before James turned around, hugging Regulus tightly and burying his face out of view from everyone else. “Thank you for being here.”

Regulus rubbed slow circles on James’s back and held him for several more minutes until everyone was gone. James and Regulus were some of the last people to leave, and they hugged Effie and Monty on the way out. Effie smiled warmly at Regulus. “Thank you for being here and for taking care of him.”

Regulus just smiled in response. “Of course.”

They exited the funeral home quietly, James driving silently back to his house. He kept one hand on the wheel and the other in Regulus’s as tears tracked down his cheeks. When they arrived and headed upstairs to James’s room, James fished some clothes free from his closet for Regulus to borrow. He emerged from the bathroom in sweatpants that he had to roll several times over to fit and a red sweatshirt that swallowed him. James was wearing something similar, sitting on the edge of his bed with a blank expression. Knowing James well enough to know he craved physical contact, he sat beside James so their hips were pressed against each other, taking his hand and leaning his head against his shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

James leaned his head down to rest on top of Regulus’s. “Maybe later. Not now.”

Regulus just let his eyes close, enjoying being in James’s presence. “Ok.”

James was silent for a long moment. “Can we watch that movie?”

Regulus smiled softly, prying his eyes open. “Of course.”

James led him downstairs, making hot chocolate in the kitchen before entering the living room and grabbing the remote. He pulled a blanket off the table, covering both himself and Regulus with it. He played the movie, the opening credits rolling as they sat side by side. James put an arm around Regulus and pulled him closer until he was leaning against James’s chest, wrapped up in his arms. “Did you know she was gay? My grandma. She divorced my grandpa and married a woman.”

Regulus wasn’t sure what to say to that, threading his fingers through James’s. “So being queer runs in the family then?”

A laugh bubbled out of James’s throat until they were both in hysterics on the couch, tears brimming their eyes. “You are such a menace.”

James leaned his head down on Regulus’s shoulder, resting his chin there. Regulus turned his head slightly to look at him. James’s eyes were fixed on him. “You have such beautiful eyes.” Regulus’s breath hitched as James continued staring at him. “They look like the sky right before a storm, and sometimes, I think I’m going to drown in them. I find it hard to look away from you.”

Regulus couldn’t breathe. There was less than an inch between them, and he couldn’t breathe. He leaned a bit closer, mesmerized by the brown eyes blinking back at him, when they were snapped from their trance by the sound of the door shutting. Regulus leaned back against James, breaking their eye contact. Effie called out to them. “James?”

James paused the movie. “We’re just watching a movie in here!”

Monty’s voice spoke next. “We’re heading up to bed. Goodnight, James. We love you.”

“Love you, too.”

James pressed play on the movie, their moment broken. Regulus could feel his heart racing as he watched the familiar scenes play out. James laughed and smiled as he watched, eyes fixed on the screen. Regulus used this distraction to stare. James was unfairly beautiful with a sharp jawline and warm brown eyes dotted with flecks of green. He had the kindest smile, and the prettiest laugh, and his hair was soft enough that Regulus wanted to run his hands through it all the time. If James was drowning in Regulus’s eyes, then Regulus was coming up for air in James’s. Just being in his presence made Regulus feel like the hole in his heart was being stitched back together. 

When the movie ended, Regulus was nearly asleep, blinking up at James with heavy eyes. “So?”

James grinned down at him, tucking a lock of Regulus’s hair behind his ear. “Oh, I totally get it, they’re hot.”

Regulus laughed, cuddling further into James. “I’m glad you liked it.”

James hummed in agreement, tightening his grip around Regulus. “We should probably go upstairs.”

Regulus let out a small noise of irritation. “I don’t want to move.”

James pressed his face into Regulus’s hair. “Want me to carry you?”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat, and he found himself nodding slowly. James laughed as he scooped Regulus into his arms, standing up with the blanket still draped around them as he walked up the stairs slowly. He dropped Regulus onto his bed before crawling in after him. In his tired state, Regulus had no qualms about cuddling up to James, who welcomed him with open arms. Regulus settled onto James’s chest, counting the rhythm of his pounding heart. “Your heart’s beating really fast.”

James wrapped his arms around Regulus, burying one of his hands in his hair. “I can’t help it, Reg.”

Regulus hummed softly, listening to the rhythmic sound. “Do I make you nervous?”

There was a slight pause before James spoke. “You make me happy. Today was a shit day, and I cried like twenty times, but right now, I’m not sad. I’m just really fucking happy you’re here. Is that wrong?”

Regulus lifted his head slightly to meet James’s eye. “No. It’s better when you’re happy.”

James raised an eyebrow, gazing down at Regulus. “What is?”

Regulus let his head fall back onto James’s chest. “Everything.”

He dozed off not long after that.

***

Regulus woke up to movement beneath him. He pried his eyes open to see James shifting out from under him. “Where are you going?”

His voice was thick with sleep as he forced the words out. James smiled, his warmth fading as he slid out of bed. “Bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

Regulus grumbled in response before sinking his head into James’s pillow, overcome by the scent of him. James slipped back into bed a minute later, his chest pressed against Regulus’s back as he draped an arm over his waist. Regulus moved back slightly, closer to James. “How are you?”

James laughed softly, bringing one hand up to play with Regulus’s hair. “You’re half awake and you’re already asking how I am.”

Regulus turned around so he was facing James, burying his head in James’s chest instead. “Just checking.”

James shifted, moving slightly closer. “I’m fine, Reg.”

Regulus hummed softly as James ran his hands through Regulus’s curls. “Feels good.”

They stayed like that for several minutes before Regulus sat up, wiping the sleep from his eyes. He headed to the bathroom, and James stood up, stretching slightly. They both made their way downstairs after. Effie and Monty were out, according to James, so they were alone in the house. James stood behind the counter, drumming his fingers on the marble surface. “What do you want to eat? Eggs? Toast?”

Regulus leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms. “I’m not hungry.”

James just gave him a look that made Regulus shrink a bit under his gaze. “You are not skipping breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

Regulus scoffed, rolling his eyes. “It’s the dumbest meal of the day.”

James started looking through his fridge, humming softly. “What will you eat?”

Regulus stood up, moving to stand beside James. “James, it’s fine.”

James grabbed a tube from the fridge, holding it up. “Cinnamon rolls?”

Regulus’s stomach grumbled, and James grinned. “Cinnamon rolls it is.”

He started putting them on a pan, preheating the oven. Regulus tried to protest. “You really don’t have to.”

As he placed them in the oven and they started to bake, he took the seat beside Regulus. “Hush. You need to eat, Reg.”

Regulus felt slightly like a scolded child. “Can we go back to worrying about you?”

James laughed, and Regulus relished in the ability to make him do so. “I’m fine, Regulus.”

The cinnamon rolls were done a few minutes later, and James frosted them quickly, pushing a plate over to Regulus. Regulus just stared at them. James sighed, sitting down beside him with feigned exasperation. “Do I have to do everything for you?”

Regulus looked up just as James picked up one of the cinnamon rolls and shoved it in Regulus’s face until he took a bite. “James-”

But the protest died on his tongue when he tasted the gorgeous flavor. “I hate you.”

James just grinned, placing it down in front of Regulus before reaching up and swiping frosting away from Regulus’s lip in an overly intimate movement. When he brought that same finger up to his mouth and licked the frosting clean, Regulus lost the ability to breathe. He quickly focused on eating the rest of his cinnamon roll as his face heated up. When they were finished, Regulus helped James with the dishes before they headed back up to James’s room. They started working on the project, sitting on James’s bed with their knees touching as they talked more than they did actual work. “Regulus.”

Regulus looked up from the computer he was using to edit the slideshow. “Hmmm?”

James shut his computer, leaning back on his bed. “Next weekend is Halloween.”

Regulus just raised his eyebrows. “Are you just letting me know or-?”

James propped himself up on his elbows. “Are you doing anything?”

Regulus bit his lip, half-shutting his own computer. “My friends and I usually go to Spirit Halloween the day before, buy dumb costumes, and grab candy from the bowls people leave outside.”

James smiled, shaking his head. “Of course you do. I’m having a party. Will you come?”

Regulus nodded, reaching for his phone. “Sure. I’ll text my friends. Now we have to get actual costumes. What are you going as?”

James just grinned, opening his computer back up. “It’s a surprise.”

Regulus opened the text thread with his friends.

Regulus: So instead of our usual Halloween tradition, would you guys rather go to James’s for a party?

Barty: I love being friends with James Potter’s boyfriend.

Regulus: Nevermind, you’re not invited.

Evan: FUCK YESSSSS

Pandora: Sure!

Dorcas: Marls will be there, so yeah. How’s your sleepover?

Barty: WHAT NOW

Evan: UMMMM

Regulus: Last time I tell you anything, Meadowes.

Barty: Did you kiss?

Dorcas: You slept in his bed, didn’t you?

Regulus: No, we didn’t kiss. Fuck all of you.

Pandora: You didn’t answer Dorcas’s question.

Regulus: No comment. We’re working on a project, goodbye.

Barty: Have fun with your project ;)

Evan: Hope the project is fun ;)

Regulus: STOP

James just raised his eyebrows as they locked eyes. Regulus sighed and tossed his phone to the side. “My friends suck.”

James just laughed as they continued working. When the day slowly faded away and dinner was approaching, they had made a bit of a dent in the project. Regulus started to collect his things. James laid on the bed, pouting like a child. “Why don’t you just stay? I can drive you to school.”

Regulus just looked at him. “I’m sure that’ll go over well with my parents.”

James pouted even more. “Can I drive you to school at least?”

Regulus sat down on the bed, rolling up the sleeves of James’s sweatshirt. “You live on the other side of town.”

James shrugged, picking at threads on his blankets. “Yeah, but your mom drives you, which is fine, but I’d like to see you before school anyway. And besides, we have first period together.”

Regulus huffed out a breath, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. “Are you sure? I feel bad making you drive that far.”

James sat forward, leaning into Regulus’s space. “I want to.”

Regulus sighed and looked up at James. “Ok, sure. Thank you.”

James lunged forward and nearly tackled Regulus back onto the bed in a hug. Regulus laughed as they pulled apart and stood up, heading for the door. Regulus gestured to his outfit as he looked at James. “I’ll wash the sweatshirt and give it back to you.”

James just grinned. “Keep it. It looks better on you.”

Regulus blushed, wondering if James knew the effect he had with his simple words and actions. He dreaded the ride home, wishing they had more time together. When James pulled into Regulus’s driveway, he leaned across the seat and hugged him. Regulus sank into the touch, a sense of calm washing over him. James smiled as they pulled away. “I’ll see you next Saturday for the party. You should sleepover after. Although a bunch of people are crashing there so it won’t just be us.”

Regulus felt a surge of joy at the slight disappointment on James’s face at that fact. “We’ll see.”

James waved as Regulus got out of the car. “Thanks for coming this weekend, Regulus.”

Regulus’s smile softened at the sincerity in his tone. “Always.”

Chapter Text

Regulus stepped inside James’s car first thing Monday morning. “James. It’s 7am. We don’t have class for another 45 minutes. Why are you here?”

James just smiled as Regulus climbed into the car. “I wanted to see you.”

Regulus buckled his seatbelt and glared at him. “While that is very sweet, I need to sleep.”

James just smiled, handing Regulus a coffee cup. “Here.”

Regulus turned it around, squinting as he tried to read the receipt. “What is it?”

James just raised an eyebrow, taking it and turning it around so Regulus could see the label scribbled in sharpie. “A vanilla chai latte. I picked up coffee and thought you might like that.”

Regulus just stared at James for a second too long before taking a sip. He could barely taste the coffee, the sweet flavor of vanilla sitting on his tongue. “That is really good. Thank you.”

James just smiled, putting the car in drive and pulling away from Regulus’s house. “Oh, I wanted to ask you. Are you around Wednesday after school? We don’t have school Thursday, and I don’t have practice Wednesday, so Sirius and I were thinking of getting everyone together and doing a game and movie night at my house. Everyone can sleep over after.”

Regulus leaned his head against his palm, his elbow propped up near the window. “Everyone?”

James nodded, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. “Yeah, all of my friends and yours.”

Regulus bit his lip, already pulling his phone out. “Yeah, I’m around. Sounds fun.”

He texted the group chat.

Regulus: I already know I’m gonna get shit for this but James is inviting us all over Wednesday after school for a game and movie night. He said we can crash there after. He’s inviting his group too. You guys in?

Dorcas: Duh.

Pandora: Can’t wait!!

Barty: Out of curiosity, are all of us gonna sleep in a basement while you two cuddle in his bed?

Evan: ^^^^

Regulus: Die.

Regulus looked up, sliding his phone back into his pocket. “They said they’ll come.”

The blinding grin James gave him made him smile. 

***

Regulus found himself sitting across from James in his car at lunch, the two of them laughing. “No, he’s so deep in denial.”

Regulus threw his hands up. “Exactly! He keeps telling me Remus is just a friend.”

James’s eyes lit up suddenly. “What if we try to get them together on Wednesday?”

Regulus leaned in, immediately intrigued. “How would we do that?”

James shrugged, leaning back against the car door. “They can be partners for the games, we can make sure they sit next to each other during the movie. We could also do games like Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle or Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat at the idea of playing any of those games with James, even if that wasn’t the focus. “That’s not a bad idea, actually.”

James nodded emphatically, a light forming behind his eyes. “Oh, we are so doing this. Everyone’s coming at 4 but I can just drive you back to mine right after school.”

The butterflies in Regulus’s stomach fluttered before he found himself nodding. “Sounds good.”

***

Regulus was filled with a nervous excitement for the entire day, only calmed by James’s presence at lunch. When the end of the day arrived, James waited in the parking lot for him. His face lit up when he saw Regulus, immediately standing up from where he was leaning against his car. “Hi.”

Regulus couldn’t help the smile forming across his face. “Hi.”

They both climbed into the car wearing matching giddy smiles. “How was your day?”

Regulus fastened his seatbelt as James pulled away. “Not bad. You?”

James flashed him his signature grin. “Better now.”

Regulus’s cheeks flushed as they turned onto a new road, arriving at James’s house not long after. They walked in together, Regulus placing his school bag off to the side. James was already planning, rubbing his hands together in an imitation of some sort of evil genius. “So I was thinking we could start off with like Poker or something totally unrelated because if they suspect anything, the whole plan goes to shit, and Remus is really smart. So Poker, maybe Scrabble, Pictionary, regular games, you know?”

James pulled the games free from his cabinet as he spoke, setting them on the table as he continued talking. “Then we could do things like Never Have I Ever, Spin the Bottle, Truth or Dare. But we have to be subtle about it.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow as he leaned back on the couch. “I’m not sure you would know subtlety if it hit you in the face.”

James picked up a pillow and threw it at Regulus. “Rude. Then you suggest it.”

Regulus scoffed, tossing the pillow aside. “Yeah, because I would definitely suggest Spin the Bottle. That totally sounds like me.”

James shut the cabinet and sat down next to Regulus, their sides pressed together as sarcasm laced James’s voice. “You don’t like kissing your friends?”

Regulus just gave him a blank look, trying to keep the blush off his cheeks. “You do?” Regulus paused, turning something over in his mind. “Have you kissed Sirius?”

James gave him a sheepish smile, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “In my defense, it was a dare. It was more funny than anything.”

Regulus feigned gagging as he leaned forward, putting some space between the two of them. “And it took you this long to figure out your sexuality?”

James grabbed Regulus’s shoulder, pulling him back until they were touching again. “It meant nothing! I never liked Sirius like that.”

Regulus pursed his lips, leaning further into James. “You never told me who the guy you like is.”

James looked away, his jaw flexing as a faint blush colored his cheeks. “I will. Eventually.”

Regulus let it drop, and James expertly changed the subject. “So back to the games. Why can’t you suggest it?”

Regulus shrugged. “It’s just not something I would do. My friends will see right through it.”

Something unidentifiable flashed across James’s face as he looked at Regulus. “Why?”

Regulus dropped his gaze to his lap, fiddling with his fingers. “Because I haven’t… I’ve never….”

James’s hand covered his own, and Regulus looked up to meet James’s soft eyes. “You’ve never kissed anyone?”

Regulus bit his lip hard, turning away to hide the flush in his face as he spoke quietly. “No. I haven’t.”

James’s warm fingers pressed against Regulus’s chin gently, turning his head until he met James’s eye. “Why are you embarrassed, Regulus? That’s not anything to be ashamed of.”

Regulus began to speak, “I…,” but he promptly lost his words when he noticed the proximity between him and James. There were only a few inches between their faces, and Regulus had lost the ability to breathe. “I don’t know.”

James dropped his chin, moving closer to Regulus so they were practically intertwined. “I would never judge you for something like that, Regulus.”

Regulus let out a sigh and relaxed into James’s touch, closing his eyes. He felt a hand softly brush his curls out of his face, his skin lighting up at each featherlight touch. “I hope it’s with someone special. I hope it’s magical, and it’s with someone who really loves you.”

Regulus’s heart was threatening to beat out of his chest as Regulus stayed quiet, only one thing running through his mind: I hope it’s you. 

Regulus finally gained the courage to speak a few moments later. “What was yours like?”

James continued running his hands through Regulus’s hair. “It was in middle school, with a girl named Jen. It was at a party, I had a drink. I was way too young to be drinking, but everyone did. It wasn’t anything special. It was a drunken kiss in the corner of a crowded basement. I don’t think anyone’s first should be like that. Drunk and meaningless. We didn’t even like each other. We just did it for the sake of doing it.”

Regulus just nodded, not knowing how to respond to that. He shifted slightly closer, hoping to convey silent comfort. The sound of the door opening made them both pull apart, looking up. Sirius stood in the doorway, kicking off his Doc Martens. “Let’s get this party started!”

He held up a bottle of tequila, and Regulus and James exchanged amused glances. They put the bottle away for later as everyone else arrived, taking a seat on one of the chairs or couches. Marlene and Dorcas cuddled in a single armchair, and Pandora, Evan, and Barty sat side by side on the couch across from Regulus and James. Remus and Sirius were next to Regulus, and Peter was on the floor beside them. Lily sat in the other armchair, while Mary sat on the floor between her legs. James pulled out the Poker chips first. Regulus watched him deal, studying his movements. “I don’t know how to play.”

James took the cards from in front of Regulus and tucked them back into the deck. “So be on my team this round. I’ll teach you.”

Regulus moved slightly closer to see James’s cards, and he locked eyes with Dorcas, who gave him an amused look. Sirius groaned, sitting half on top of Remus. “There are no teams in Poker.”

James just glared at Sirius with no actual bite. “He can be on my team for one round, Pads.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, raising his eyebrows at Regulus before returning his attention to his cards. Lily won the first round and the next three that Regulus actually played in, but James totally cheated and helped him out. Peter took the next two rounds, then Lily won one after the other until they all declared defeat. They played Pictionary first, and Regulus ended up on the same team as James. When it was James’s turn to draw, he put crooked lines and shapes on the paper that resembled nothing. Regulus just stared at it, then glanced at James’s exasperated expression as the time dwindled. “You have the artistic skills of a toddler.”

James sighed in frustration, setting down his pencil and gesturing at the paper emphatically. “And you have the attitude of one.”

Regulus returned his attention to the drawing, trying to differentiate between the shapes. “If you gave a monkey a pencil. The result of making someone draw with their weak hand. Oh wait, I know, your handwriting!”

The time ran out, and James placed the paper down, shaking his head at Regulus. “You’re so funny. It was a school.”

Regulus looked down at the lines that barely resembled a square. “Do you know how to draw a square, James?”

James tackled Regulus into the couch in response until they were both laughing. Regulus could feel the eyes of the rest of the group on them as they sat up, their faces red and their cheeks flushed from laughing. Regulus leaned into James’s shoulder. “You suck at this.”

James just smiled, his eyes shining in the light. “Oh, I know.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “It’s almost time for step two of the plan.”

He winked, and Regulus’s insides somersaulted as he nodded. When they had finished several rounds of Pictionary, Marlene and Dorcas taking the win, James dragged Regulus to the kitchen to help him gather snacks. James perused the cabinets, pulling out fresh bowls and bags of pretzels. “What do you want to eat?”

Regulus started pouring the pretzels into one of the bowls. “I’m not hungry.”

James stood up and frowned at him from across the table. “You didn’t eat lunch today.”

Regulus shrugged, clipping the pretzel bag so it would stay closed and handing it back to James. “I ate last period.”

James threw the pretzels back into the cabinet. “Liar.”

Regulus rolled his eyes and grabbed a bag of chips, pouring it into the next bowl. “I’ll eat later.”

James’s eyes carefully scanned his face. “I’m holding you to that.”

Regulus carried the bowls back into the room, setting them down and taking his seat back beside James. James grabbed a handful of chips. “Let’s play Truth or Dare.”

Peter looked up at James, shaking his head. “Are we in middle school, Prongs?”

Marlene sat forward, her eyes flicking between James and Peter. “I think it could be fun.”

Sirius ran to raid James’s parents' alcohol cabinet, passing out red solo cups. Regulus trusted his friends enough not to make him do or say something stupid, but the premise of the game still made him nervous. Marlene was the first to go. “Potter. Truth or Dare.”

James sipped his drink, wincing slightly. “Dare.”

Marlene rolled her eyes, and Regulus waited with baited breath as she smirked. “I dare you to kiss the hottest person in this room.”

James’s eyes flicked to Regulus before he crossed the room and hovered near Lily. She smiled at him, the two had become amicable friends, and they exchanged words Regulus couldn’t hear before James kissed her on the cheek. Marlene threw her empty cup at him. “Not what I meant, Potter.”

Regulus’s heart sank to his stomach at the gesture, and James crowded close to Regulus as he sat down again, flipping Marlene off. “Better learn to be specific then, McKinnon.”

Regulus knocked back the rest of his drink, relishing in the way it burned his throat. His spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a quiet, low voice in his ear. “I would’ve picked you, you know. But I don’t want them to know I’m…”

His voice trailed off, and Regulus shuddered at the feeling of James’s warm breath against his neck. “Ok.”

James’s lips ghosted over his ear due to their closeness, and Regulus resisted the urge to shudder. “Sirius. Truth or dare.”

Sirius was already on his second cup, and he raised it at James. “Truth.”

James glanced at Regulus with a wicked gleam in his eye. “If you had to date one person in this room, who would it be?”

Sirius was slightly flushed already, though the blush deepened when he spoke. “Moony.”

Remus’s jaw dropped slightly, and Regulus felt James squeeze his hand before dropping it quickly. They played several more rounds, a stilted silence between Remus and Sirius before James shifted the game to Never Have I Ever. They took a sip for each thing they had done. Dorcas started. “Never have I ever been arrested.”

Both Barty and Evan took a sip. Pandora’s mouth fell open. “What? When?”

Barty raised his cup, shaking his head. “Ask no questions, and we shall tell no lies.”

His voice was slightly slurred as he spoke. Evan was next. “Never have I ever kissed my best friend.”

James, Sirius, Mary, and Lily all drank at that statement. Regulus’s mouth fell open as he watched Mary and Lily exchange a sheepish smile. Marlene practically fell out of her chair. “WHAT?”

Lily stifled a giggle with her hand, glancing down at Mary. “It was pretty recent.”

Mary nodded in agreement, but she pushed herself to her feet, leaning down to kiss Lily full on the mouth. Lily grabbed the back of Mary’s neck and pulled her closer as the rest of the group cheered. When they pulled apart, Lily’s cheeks were as red as her lipstick, and Sirius nudged her leg. “I am so happy for you two.”

In the end, neither James nor Regulus had to suggest the third game. Mary clapped her hands together with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Can we do Spin the Bottle?”

The group relocated onto the floor, Sirius graciously chugging a beer bottle so they could use it. Regulus’s heart thumped in his chest, and he stared at the bottle like it personally offended him. He didn’t want this to be his first kiss. James’s hand rested on top of his knee, squeezing softly as if he could read Regulus’s thoughts. Mary spun first, kissing Marlene. Barty had to kiss Pandora, then Evan had to kiss Dorcas. Sirius kissed Peter, who looked rather disgusted at the idea. The next round, the bottle seemed to move in slow motion as James took his turn. Just as it neared a stop, Regulus was sure the bottle would land on him, and dread curled in his stomach. That wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. He couldn’t- “What the fuck is that?”

His thoughts were interrupted by Dorcas’s voice, pointing towards the sliding door that led outside. There was a small black cat wandering near the door, and James waved a hand as everyone stared where Dorcas was pointing. “A bunch of stray cats wander through this neighborhood all the time, don’t worry about it.”

Dorcas forced a smile, and when Regulus turned back to the bottle, it had moved two people over and was pointing to Marlene. Regulus was sure it was landing on him. When he glanced at Marlene, he made eye contact with Dorcas, who flashed him a knowing grin. As Marlene and James shared an awkward kiss, Regulus’s phone pinged.

Dorcas: I’m not going to let your first kiss be some dumb game, much less your first kiss with James.

Regulus: You are my favorite person.

Dorcas: And don’t you forget it.

They pocketed the phones before anyone could take notice, and Dorcas was the one to make the next suggestion. “Maybe we should do Seven Minutes in Heaven instead. Whoever the bottle lands on needs to go in the closet for seven minutes with that person.”

Everyone murmured their agreements, and Sirius went first. It was pure luck that the bottle landed on Remus, and Sirius helped Remus up, the awkwardness of their silence obvious as they both headed for the closet and shut the door. Marlene started a timer, and James was beaming from ear to ear. “Our plan is working.”

Regulus smirked and shook his head. When the seven minutes were up, a few seconds passed before Remus and Sirius stumbled out of the closet. Their lips were swollen and red, and Sirius was sporting a hickey on his neck that made Regulus want to gag. James started to slow clap, the rest of the group joining in. “Fucking finally, it took literal years for this.”

Marlene cackled as she noticed Sirius’s hickey, nearly falling out of her chair. “You two are so ridiculous.”

James leaned over Regulus and nudged Sirius. “Are you dating now?”

Sirius’s eyes were blown wide as he looked at Remus, who glanced back at Sirius. They exchanged a long moment of eye contact, whispering quietly before Sirius grinned. “Yep. Moony is officially my boyfriend.”

James grabbed Regulus’s hand once again and squeezed it three times. “We are literal geniuses.”

Regulus gave him an amused look. “What did you spell the bottle or something?”

James grinned proudly, his smile stretching across his face. “Maybe I did. Maybe I’m magic.”

And looking into his eyes, Regulus couldn’t argue. It was his turn, so he spun the bottle, watching as the tip of it passed each person. It was a stroke of pure luck, or maybe James’s magic, that made it land on James. James just grabbed Regulus’s hand and pulled him to his feet. Regulus’s heart was beating faster as James led him to the door, shutting them inside. The closet was cramped, not enough room for them to stand without touching. They were practically chest to chest, and James let out a stilted breath. “Your heart is beating really fast, Regulus.”

Regulus choked out a laugh. “I don’t love confined spaces.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t at all the reason for his racing heart. James grappled for the door knob. “Do you want to leave?”

Regulus knew it sounded ridiculous. “That’s against the rules.”

In lieu of comfort, James stepped forward and wrapped Regulus in his arms. Regulus sank into him, returning the embrace and breathing in the smell of him as he rested his head against James’s chest. James brought his hand up to tangle his fingers in the hairs at the nape of Regulus’s neck. When Marlene called that the time was up, James laced their fingers together and squeezed before dropping Regulus’s hand and opening the door. Regulus looked up, eyes boring into him. He gave Dorcas a quick head shake to let her know nothing had happened, and she only nodded in response. 

The group settled onto the couch for a movie, the pizza they ordered resting on the paper plates that James distributed around. Regulus was still sitting next to James, sharing a blanket with him as the opening credits of Jumanji played. He ate barely half of his pizza, his shoulder pressed against James as he wished he were closer. He hadn’t realized how clingy he had become in light of James’s love of physical touch. The two were constantly cuddling, and Regulus didn’t realize how much he craved it until he couldn’t sprawl himself in James’s lap. James seemed to sense something was wrong, so he pulled Regulus a bit closer, subtle enough to not draw any attention. James got up at the end of the movie to get bowls of popcorn, passing them around. He settled back in his spot, half of Regulus’s back pressed against his chest. James’s lips were right beside his ear as he whispered. “Popcorn?”

Regulus shook his head, tilting his head back against James’s shoulder. “No thanks.”

James still held the bowl in his lap. “You barely ate, Reg.”

Regulus turned towards him, noting James’s concerned expression. He glanced down at his hands, which were wrapped up in the blanket. “I’m comfortable right now.”

James laughed, speaking quiet enough so only they could hear. “Ok, then.”

He reached into the bowl, holding up a kernel of popcorn to Regulus’s mouth. Regulus raised an eyebrow, then glanced up at James’s face. “You’re going to feed me?”

James just placed the popcorn against Regulus’s lip until he took it, scowling with no real bite. No one seemed to notice, but Regulus felt his cheeks growing hot. He pulled his hands free from the blankets and took the popcorn himself, prompting James to smile at him until Regulus’s scowl dissipated. By the end of the second movie, everyone else was asleep. Regulus placed the popcorn aside as the television noise lulled in the background. James wasted no time in pulling Regulus on top of him, wrapping his arms around him. Regulus cuddled closer to his chest, but his thoughts got the better of him. “They’re going to think this is weird, James.”

James shrugged, tightening his hold on Regulus. “Let them.”

Regulus let out a small noise of protest. “But my friends.”

James leaned back against the couch, letting his eyes fall shut. “I wake up early anyway. I’ll move before anyone else is up, ok?”

Regulus sighed, relaxing in James’s arms. “Ok.”

James smiled against Regulus’s hair. “Or we could go upstairs?”

Regulus shook his head. “That’s probably worse.”

James just shifted slightly. “Can I tell you something?”

Regulus nodded slightly. “Always.”

James ran a hand through Regulus’s hair. “I’ve never felt safer than I do when I’m with you.”

Regulus lifted his head, his heart stopping in his chest. “What?”

James smiled softly in the glow of the television, running his fingertips across Regulus’s cheek. “You make me feel seen. You make me feel like I don’t have to hide. You’re the only person who I can really be myself around, and I don’t know how that happened or when, but I’m so glad it did.”

Regulus couldn’t tear his eyes away from James’s eyes. “You do the same thing for me.”

James’s eyes widened as though he was surprised. “Really?”

Regulus nodded, covering James’s hand with his own. “Really. And you have beautiful eyes too, James. Did you know they have little specks of green in them?”

James’s eyelashes fluttered, and Regulus reached up to press the pad of his finger under James’s eyes. “You have little freckles here too. You can hardly see them except if you get really close.”

James’s breath hitched as Regulus pulled his finger away. “Regulus…”

Exhaustion often loosened Regulus’s tongue, and he had no qualms about letting the truth fall from his lips. “James?”

James just looked at him, eyes wide and glowing. “Hmm?”

Regulus rested his cheek against James’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. “Being with you feels like coming home.”

Chapter Text

Regulus woke up to the sound of a coffee maker in the kitchen, the low hum of the machine stirring him from sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, feeling much colder than he remembered being when he fell asleep the night before. When he sat up, he noticed his friends sprawled out in the room around him, all still asleep, while James was missing from the room. Regulus followed the noise to the kitchen, slumping into one of the seats and looking up at James, who was leaning up against the counter facing the other direction.

James turned around at the sound of the chair moving slightly, smiling at Regulus from across the table. “Morning.”

Regulus leaned his head against his palm, sleep still clinging to his features. “What time is it?”

James laughed softly, sliding a mug over to Regulus. “Do you know your voice is a little lower and rougher when you first wake up?”

Regulus blushed, peering down into the mug. “I don’t like coffee.”

James smiled, leaning his forearms against the table so there was less distance between them. “It’s hot chocolate.”

Regulus looked up, locking eyes with James for a moment as an odd tension surrounded them. It was broken by the arrival of Dorcas and Marlene in the kitchen, who poured themselves cups of coffee and joined the conversation. Marlene started talking to James, and Dorcas took the seat beside Regulus. “You guys looked cozy last night.”

Regulus turned to face her, raising his eyebrows. “I didn’t think anyone was up.”

Dorcas smirked, leaning back in her chair. “I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. You’re lucky it was me and not someone else. You two look like a couple.”

Regulus ignored the last part of that statement, warmth spreading through him as he sipped his drink. “He made me hot chocolate.”

Dorcas leaned closer, lowering her voice to ensure only Regulus could hear. “Regulus, I’m telling you he’s in love with you.”

Regulus glanced up, despising the hope flaring in his chest. “He’s not, Dorcas.”

Dorcas’s eyes flicked to Marlene and James before settling back on Regulus’s face. “He is. You should see the way he looks at you.”

Regulus’s eyes flitted to James as if of their own accord, watching the way he smiled unashamedly and feeling his heart flutter in his chest. 

The rest of the group got up soon after until all of them were sitting and standing around the kitchen counter. Sirius was planted firmly in Remus’s arms, his back against Remus’s chest while Remus had his arms wrapped around him. Sirius looked quite content there, frequently turning his head up to look at Remus with hearts in his eyes. Marlene was the one to break through the side conversations everyone was having. “What are we doing today?”

James ran a hand through his hair, still leaning against the counter. “We have practice in two hours but I’m free after that.”

Sirius nodded along, and Remus was the first to make a suggestion. “We could go to the movies.”

Dorcas crossed her arms, leaning forward to join the conversation. “What movie?”

Sirius shrugged, placing his hands over Remus’s. “Moana 2 is in theaters.”

Peter raised his eyebrows, giving Sirius a look of disbelief. “Moana 2, really?”

James frowned, standing up and walking around the table. “I like Moana.”

Peter snorted, shaking his head. “I’m not at all surprised.”

Barty nudged Evan from where they were pressed against each other. “What time?”

James shrugged, glancing over at Sirius for approval. “Does 5 work?”

Everyone murmured their agreements, and Remus started to buy the tickets on his phone, sending everyone the link. As everyone flooded back into the living room to get their stuff, Regulus headed to the sink, placing his mug inside it. Just as he turned on the faucet, he was distracted by arms coming around him from behind, overcome by  warmth and a sense of safety. James’s voice was low in his ear. “Hi.”

Regulus’s brain short-circuited at their proximity. It felt too real with James wrapping his arms around him while their friends were in the other room. It felt too much like a relationship, and Regulus was screaming at himself to remember that James loved physical contact, that it didn’t mean anything. He was breathless when he spoke. “Hi.”

James tightened his grip on Regulus, pulling him back towards his chest until Regulus’s back was pressed against him. “Can I pick you up later?”

Regulus was struggling to form coherent sentences when he was so wrapped up in James. “You do know Sirius can drive.”

There was a low humming noise in Regulus’s ear. “Yeah, but he’s probably gonna spend the day at Remus’s.”

Regulus leaned his head back against James’s shoulder. “You live on the other side of town.”

James stared down at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, but the movie theater isn’t far from you. I just wanna drive you.”

Regulus didn’t have the energy to protest anymore. “Ok, fine.”

Regulus stepped away from James’s grip, feeling suddenly very cold as he did. He rinsed out the bottom of his mug while James leaned up against the counter, watching him. The sound of someone clearing their throat made Regulus’s head snap up. Sirius was standing in the doorway with a peculiar look on his face. “Regulus, are you ready?”

Regulus glanced back at James with a small smile. “See you later.”

He turned around and walked towards Sirius, passing him without a word as he grabbed his stuff from the living room. He headed for the door with short goodbyes to his friends. He got into the car without a word before Sirius pulled out of the driveway. The silence was heavy, making Regulus blurt out, “How long were you standing there?”

Sirius cast a sideways glance his way. “Long enough.”

Regulus let out a defeated sigh, wondering how he was going to explain what he knew looked like an affectionate moment. “Nothing happened.”

Sirius drummed his fingers against the wheel. “Ok.”

Regulus ran a hand through his hair, his mind spinning. “We aren’t dating.”

Sirius just nodded, turning the radio up slightly. “Ok.”

Regulus turned in his seat, facing his brother entirely. “Has he said anything to you?”

Sirius glanced at him briefly before returning his focus to the road. “About what?”

Regulus huffed out a breath, turning to stare out the window. “Nevermind.”

Silence fell over them for a long time before Regulus spoke quietly. “Are you mad?”

Sirius frowned, turning the music off completely. “Why would I be mad?”

Regulus shrugged, suddenly feeling very small. “I don’t know.”

Sirius sighed, gripping the steering wheel as he turned. “Listen, Reg. James hasn’t said anything about this, but don’t you think I know the signs?”

Regulus whipped his head around, staring at his brother. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sirius just raised his eyebrows, giving Regulus an unimpressed look. “If he’s said anything to you, I respect the fact that you can’t tell me, but the way he looks at you…”

Regulus shifted uncomfortably in his seat, biting his lip hard. “What are you saying?”

Sirius glanced briefly at Regulus. “I’m saying there’s not a chance in hell that James is straight.”

Regulus’s thoughts were spinning as he wondered if he should tell James about this conversation or not. “I don’t-”

Regulus cut himself off as his words fell short. “You can’t say anything, I know. But Regulus, I would bet my entire life savings that he has feelings for you.”

Regulus’s heart skipped a beat as he stared out the window. “You have like two dollars saved.”

Sirius huffed out a laugh, diffusing some of the tension. “That’s not the point. I would bet literally anything.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, a smile forming on his lips. “I don’t know if that’s true.”

Sirius held his hands up as they waited at a red light. “You don’t have to believe me. But James has never been subtle. You’ll see sooner or later.”

***

Regulus had been trying to figure out what to wear for twenty minutes. His heart hadn’t stopped pounding since Sirius told Regulus he believed James had feelings for him. The admission was running through his thoughts. Sirius knew James better than anyone, but James was good at putting on a facade. Dorcas only saw things from Regulus’s side, but Sirius? Could he excuse that so easily? He rubbed his hands across his face, trying to settle his mind long enough to pick something to wear. He settled on a green hoodie and black pants. It was basic, but he couldn’t agonize over it any longer. Sirius had spent the time after his practice at Remus’s, so James picked him up. Regulus’s heart raced faster as he headed downstairs towards James’s car. He opened the door, James smiling up at him. “That color looks really good on you.”

Regulus blushed, the anxiety in his chest prompting him to blurt out, “I need to tell you something.”

James’s smile faded, replaced by a frown as Regulus shut the door. “Is everything ok?”

Regulus nodded, tugging at his fingers. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, I’m still not sure, but Sirius knows you’re not straight.” He paused, eyes scanning James’s face for a reaction. James bit his lip, eyes boring into Regulus’s as he continued. “I didn’t tell him, he just told me he doesn’t think you’re straight.”

James nodded slowly, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip. “He doesn’t think?”

Regulus ran a hand through his hair, regretting the entire conversation. “His exact words were ‘there isn’t a chance in hell.’”

James’s eyes flicked out the window, his expression turning blank. “And what exactly was the context of this conversation?”

Alarm bells went off in Regulus’s head. “It’s not important.”

James’s eyes found Regulus’s again with a newfound intensity. “I think it is. What did he say to you?”

Regulus shook his head, looking anywhere but at James. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not even true!”

Something flashed across James’s face as he leaned forward. “Reg, what did he say?”

Regulus avoided eye contact, wondering if he should get out of the car and run. “Nothing.”

James brought his hand up to cup Regulus’s cheek, turning his head so he had to look at James. “Reg. Please tell me.”

The softness in his eyes broke something inside Regulus. “He thinks you have feelings for me.”

James dropped his hand, his expression going cold, and Regulus could see the exact moment his walls went up. “Oh.”

Regulus scrambled to recover. “James, it’s fine, I don’t believe him, Sirius doesn’t even know what he’s talking about.”

James put the car in drive and pulled out of the driveway. “Right.”

Regulus leaned his head back, wishing he had never brought it up at all. “I told him the same thing, that it’s not true.”

James was still expressionless, nodding along rigidly. “Great.”

Regulus turned to look out the window, raindrops starting to fall on the glass. “James, will you just talk to me?”

James’s jaw flexed slightly, the muscles twitching as they pulled into the parking lot. James reached for the door, but Regulus pushed the button on his own to lock the car. He had been in James’s car enough to know his way around the controls. “James. Talk to me.”

James just stared blankly at him, no longer reaching for the door. “What do you want me to say, Regulus?”

Regulus sighed, leaning his head back against the window. “I don’t know, but you don’t do this with me. This facade where you pretend you’re fine and act all happy when you’re actually upset. We don’t do this, James.”

James’s eyes flickered before he unlocked the door. “Yeah, well maybe we should.”

He got out of the car before Regulus could say another word, and the fake smile was in place before he turned around. He greeted the rest of their friends as if he was completely fine, and Regulus scowled as he approached Dorcas. She raised her eyebrows at him. “What’s wrong?”