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Chapter Text

"You'll be okay, Ryuunosuke."

Akutagawa looked over at Gin in the changing rooms after training, raising his eyebrows. Why they would ask him that seemed preposterous. Of course he was going to be 'okay'.

"I know. Why did you say that?" He replied, his tone curious.

Gin shrugged as they spoke in a quiet voice:

"You look stressed. More stressed than usual."

"Well, thanks for the concern, but I'm not." Akutagawa replied, shrugging on his jacket.

Gin was right about Akutagawa being stressed, but it wasn't anything more than he would usually get after a bad practice. He wasn't stupid, he knew exactly why. 

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was a winner. Bad practices were the antithesis of that, and he associated them with losing. Because, in a way, they were. 

Winning was a core part of his identity, with his determination for victory propelling him forwards, time and time again, no matter what the personal cost. It was his drive to be number one that granted him a position in his dream sports school, it was that ambition that made him the person he was today. And Akutagawa didn't see that changing any time soon.

Though his ambitions weren't specifically tied down solely to his sport, hurling was the main aim of his life, with him having had aspirations to be the best ever since he was a small child.

It was an old Irish sport that Japan had adopted close to twenty years ago in some kind of cultural integration movement started by the president at the time. The sport was played on a field, where hurlers would try to hit a tennis ball sized sliotar into or above two goal posts using long wooden sticks called hurls. 

Hurling sounded simple enough, though Akutagawa was all too aware of how violent it could be. One of the negative aspects of his own determination was how many injuries relentless practice caused. Akutagawa originally wanted to play in goals, but resigned to a midfield position after the countless times he experienced a ball to the stomach, or shoulder, or head, with his helmet deflecting little of the impact. He moved to playing centre, labelling whoever would replace his position to be a madman.

The injuries he experienced on the field were all worth it though, to be the best there was.

Akutagawa and Gin walked away from the changing rooms and back into the main building of the school to finish their classes for the day. 

Akutagawa attended a high school in Yokohama called Kiai, which was ranked in the top five hurling schools in Japan. Ryuunosuke, as a second year student, was on the right path to get everything he wanted, and nothing or no one was going to get in his way.

Akutagawa didn't do friends, with the closest one being his sibling. Maybe he'd count Tachihara and Nakahara as acquaintances on a good day, but Tachihara was more of Gin's friend, and Nakahara had his own group to spend his time with. Not that this lack of friends bothered Akutagawa at all. In fact, he reveled in it. People were weights, destined to drag him down and block his path. He was better off alone. 

This mindset persisted on his first day of second year at Kiai. Akutagawa was all too familiar with the schools confusing layout from last year, and so he found the second year homeroom class with relative ease. He and his sibling walked in there together to find they were the first ones there, if you didn't count their teacher, Fukuzawa. 

Fukuzawa wasn't someone that Akutagawa hated per say: he felt pretty neutral about him, as he did with the majority of the people around him.

"Good morning, Akutagawa's." Fukuzawa greeted. Gin just shook their head while Akutagawa mumbled something in response. 

Akutagawa wasn't like the others on the Kiai team. They were all here to get better at their sport, but there was an element to the other boys that Akutagawa just simply didn't have. They would see school as something to be enjoyed while he just saw it all as a means to an end. 

There wasn't even that much pushback to his stale persona. The team just accepted that was how he was, and rarely if ever invited him to anything outside of school. But that was completely fine with Akutagawa: he liked it like that, and wouldn't want it any other way. 

One of the reasons why Akutagawa spent all his time around his sibling was because of how quiet he was. Gin never really spoke partially from dysphoria and partially because of how similar they were to their brother. Akutagawa loved Gin more than anything - if you were to ask him, Gin was the only person he ever really let close to him. 

The rest of the class joined shortly, being a mix of the hurling team and the girls football team.

Akutagawa hated how cliquey they all were. The first group to enter was Nakahara, Shirase, Yuan, and Albatross, which Akutagawa knew to be at the top of the Kiai hierarchy. They weren't terrible people or anything; Akutagawa knew Nakahara and Yuan since middle school, and he had vague encounters with the other two.

Nakahara nodded to Akutagawa, who was his partner in the midfield. 

"How was your summer?" He asked, and Akutagawa shrugged. He spent the summer like any other; training with Gin and being shipped off to different foster homes, but that was neither here nor there.

"Fine, I suppose. Did you do anything interesting?" Akutagawa replied, hating the monotony of small talk. It was unnecessary and a waste of time, if you asked him.

"Nah, pretty much the same as every year." 

Nakahara let out a small smile as he looked at Gin, knowing their distaste for conversation while being completely unaware of Akutagawa’s shared sentiment. 

The other groups followed in after that. Kunikida, Tanizaki, and Miyazawa, Poe and Ranpo. Then there were the people who walked in alone, Sakaguchi, Izumi.

Kyouka Izumi was someone that Akutagawa related to, though they scarcely spoke. She was a foster kid just like him, with a similar background. If there was one person, other than Gin of course, that Akutagawa could choose to be friends with, it would definitely be her.

Fukuzawa cleared his throat, demanding attention from the bustling class. All nineteen heads turned to him at once.

Akutagawa didn't pay that much attention in homeroom, and mentally dismissed the new student that Fukuzawa had announced. He was demanding of no attention whatsoever, apart from his terrible bangs. Akutagawa went back to staring out of the window and onto the hurling pitch, his thoughts drifting elsewhere.

The year started as it always did, with Akutagawa silently going from class to class, never leaving his siblings side. This was how things were, and how Akutagawa liked it.

He had been thinking over all of the mistakes he made at practice that morning when he heard the principal Mori’s voice over the loudspeaker, making an announcement.

"Would Akutagawa Ryuunosuke please make his way to the principals office."

All of the heads in the classroom turned to him at once, with them all being just as confused as him. He hadn't done anything to get himself in trouble, and that was usually what Mori called people out of class for. 

His teacher gave him permission to leave, and Akutagawa silently made his way to the office, taking a deep breath before entering the room. He stared at the gold kanji on the door, and pushed open the handle.

Mori intimidated everyone at Kiai, with Akutagawa being no exception, but when he looked at who else was sitting across from him, he knew exactly what he had been called in for.

The kid with the terrible haircut, whose name Akutagawa had already forgotten.

"Akutagawa. Please, take a seat." Mori ordered, gesturing to the empty chair in front of him. 

Akutagawa did as he was told and sat down. He didn't look at the boy next to him, but he could tell he was being stared at. Akutagawa hated this already.

"I bet you're wondering why I called you in here, Akutagawa-kun."

No, I know exactly where this is headed, and I already hate it, the boy thought. 

"Don't worry, it has nothing to do with anything you've done. You're still one of the top students we have here, and I applaud you for that."

"Thank you, sir." 

"Anyway, I called you here for Atsushi-kun. As you know, he's a new student here, and doesn't know his way around yet. I assume you know the protocol for new students?"

"I don't, sir."

Akutagawa could feel the new boy Atsushi's eyes burn into his skin, though he tried to avoid any contact of his own. 

Mori leaned back into his chair. "We typically assign one of the students in the new person's class to look after them, like a mentor. You know, show them around, help them out where they need it. Seeing as you are a diligent and hardworking student, I'm choosing you to look after Atsushi-kun here, if you would be so kind."

Akutagawa knew all too well that whenever Mori said 'if you would be so kind', that meant there was no room whatsoever for negotiation. 

Akutagawa finally met Atsushis eyes. The boy was smiling at him, though again, Akutagawa didn't return it. He wanted absolutely no part of this, and was practically given no other choice. 

"Yes, sir. I’ll show him around the school."

Mori smiled. "Many thanks, Akutagawa-kun. Atsushi, if you could wait outside the room for a moment."

"Of course, Mori sensei." He said, getting up from his chair and leaving the room. Even the kids voice annoyed Akutagawa. 

"Now, Akutagawa-kun. I understand that socialising with the other boys is not something you spend a large amount of time doing."

That's a fun way to put that I have no friends, Akutagawa thought.

"But one of our core principles at Kiai is friendship and teamwork, and I think you could really benefit from being friends with Nakajima."

"Are you telling me to be friends with him, sir?"

"Not necessarily, but I do think that a friendship between you boys would be of great benefit. As important as it is to be there for your family, I think you should really spend time with people other than Gin here."

"I can try, sir, but I'm not sure if we can be."

"As long as you try, Akutagawa-kun. You may leave. Please show Nakajima around to the dorms, he already has his room number."

Akutagawa nodded and left the room, only to be met with the boy grinning maniacally at him.

"Akutagawa, was it?" He asked. "My name is Nakajima Atsushi."

"I already know that." Akutagawa replied, guiding this new kid down the hallways to get to the dorm building.

"This place is so cool, isn't it?" The boy breathed, staring up at the high ceilings.

"I guess." Akutagawa mumbled in response.

"I mean, it's amazing! My aunt was going to sent me to Jigoku High after we moved to Yokohama, but this place looks way better. I went to an open day in Jigoku and all of the boys there were so mean, since it's a boys school and all."

"Stop. Please." Akutagawa ordered, his head reeling. How could this boy say so much in such a short amount of time? 

"Sorry. I know I can be a lot." Nakajima mumbled, staring back at the ground.

The two walked down the maze of corridors in silence for a while, before the kid spoke up again. Of course he did.

"What's the hurling team like? I heard you're a midfielder, does that mean you're the team captain? They're always midfielders."

Akutagawa sighed. "No, that's Nakahara."

"Which ones that? Is it the guy with the braid and the sunglasses? He seems like a midfielder."

"What makes you say that?" Akutagawa asked, hating how he was prolonging this stupid conversation. 

"He looks really confident and plus he's super tall."

This kid was going to be the death of him, Akutagawa swore to himself. 

"Albatross is a forward. He's friends with Nakahara."

"Ahh, okay." Atsushi said in realisation. "I play in goals, I've never been that good at running fast."

Nakajima was annoying, talkative, ultra hyper, and he didn't like running around all the time?

"You look like you don't believe me, Akutagawa. Or can I call you Ryuunosuke?"

"You may not."

"Ah, okay."

"Hey, Akutagawa?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you like hurling so much?"

"I just do."

"Yeah, but there has to be a deeper reason!"

"Is mine not enough?"

"Nope."

Akutagawa stopped in his tracks, glaring at Atsushi, who was pissing him off more and more by the second. 

"Look, I didn't ask to be your tour guide around this school. Mori just put me here so you can find your classes. It definitely doesn't mean we can be friends."

Akutagawa wanted to feel bad at how the kids face fell upon hearing that, but he pushed through it. He didn't do friends, and some guy with a shitty haircut wasn't going to change that anytime soon.

"Right. Sorry, Akutagawa. "

"Don't be sorry, just stop talking."

"Got it. Sorry." 

Akutagawa sighed. He was glad they were approaching Atsushis dorm, as he spent this entire interaction waiting for it to be over.

Atsushi stood in the door frame, debating whether or not to speak.

"Hey, Akutagawa?"

"What is it?"

"I know you don't have to, but can you meet me outside here in the morning before class? I don't know where to go."

"Don't you have a timetable?"

Atsushi nervously laughed, and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Funny thing about that...I kind of lost it."

"What do you mean you kind of lost it?"

"I didn't mean to!" The boy protested. "I was outside and it blew away in the wind!"

"Fine, fine. I'll meet you outside here tomorrow. Go unpack your things or something."

"Right. Thank you, Akutagawa. " the boy nodded, and Akutagawa walked away. 

When he returned to the dorm he shared with Gin, they looked at him quizzically. 

"What was the announcement about?" He asked.

"The new kid." Akutagawa replied. "Mori wants me to show him around the place and to keep him company."

"Oh." Was all Gin replied with.

Akutagawa collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the white ceiling. 

This was going to be a long year. 

Chapter Text

It had been less than twenty four hours at Kiai, and Atsushi was regretting not choosing to go to Jigoku instead.

Everything at this new school was terrifying. He hadn't played hurling with the team yet, but Atsushi had a constant, nagging feeling in the back of his head that they were all better then him. At least physically, they all seemed stronger than him, and apart from the captain, they were all taller than him too. And then there was Akutagawa.

Atsushi had at least in part looked forward to making new friends, but the only person he really spoke to seemed to hate him from the start. He had never been told so overtly to stop talking like that before, and he didn't even think he spoke all that much.

Great. The one person forced to spend time with him didn't even want to.

Atsushi knew he should be unpacking, but he instead opted to try and familiarise himself with Kiai by himself, not wanting to bother Akutagawa more than he already had.

This task soon proved to be impossible, as he was lost within the first ten minutes.

Atsushi initially thought that it would be fine, but the more he ventured into the school, the worse his direction became. Panic soon started to overcome him, and he searched desperately for a person to help.

Thankfully, it only took another ten or so minutes for Atsushi to find such a person.

"Hey, you're the new kid, right?"

Atsushi nodded at the boy, recognising him from homeroom.
"Yeah...I'm sort of lost. This school is really intimidating. Do you know where room S068 is? I'm trying to get back to my dorm."

"Room S068?"

"Yeah, it's on the third floor I think?"

The boy slapped Atsushi on the back.

"So you're my new roomie!"

Atsushi knew he was going to be put with a random roommate, but he didn't expect it to be this guy of all people. Still, he wasn't complaining.

"I guess so. Can you help me? I'm really lost here."

"I was actually looking for someone to help me out of this corridor. I may be the top scorer in this school in exams, but I'm completely hopeless with directions."

Atsushi stared blankly at him. "Are you new here too?"

The boy shook his head. "Nope. I just never bothered to learn where everything is. Name's Ranpo Edogawa."

"Nice to meet you, Ranpo. I'm-"

"Atsushi Nakajima, I already know who you are."

"But you don't know how to get out?"

"Precisely. Now come on, I think Edgar said he was somewhere around here, he usually helps"

Atsushi followed Ranpo with caution, since he was just as lost as he was. This school was going to be the death of him for sure.

They ran into a girl soon after, and thankfully Atsushi both recognised her, and she had a sense of direction.

The girl looked a bit younger than him, and had dark blue hair tied in two ponytails with flower hair clips.

"Ranpo, I thought Kunikida gave you a map of the building?" She said frustrated, hands on her hips.

"I have it, Kyouka, but I can't make any sense of it." Ranpo said with his eyebrows furrowed, producing a slightly crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.

"Ranpo."

"Kyouka."

"You're holding it upside down."

"...I knew that."

"That's a relief." She sighed. "Come on, I'll bring you two back to the common room."

"Thank you Kyouka~"

Atsushi followed Kyouka with Ranpo trailing lazily after them.

"How are you finding Kiai, Nakajima?" She asked, turning a corner.

"Not with a lot of success, as you could probably tell." Atsushi joked, eliciting a laugh from Kyouka.

"Don't worry. I got lost here a bunch when I first started. It didn't help that I'm younger than everyone else here."

"Did you skip a grade?" Atsushi asked.

"Two, actually. I'm still fourteen."

Atsushis jaw quite literally dropped. He had heard how difficult it was to get into this school; he himself had only gotten the choice between Kiai and Jigoku because his middle school team won nationals two years ago. A fourteen year old here was unheard of.

"You must be really good, Kyouka-chan."

The girl smiled. "Thank you, Nakajima."

"Call me Atsushi."

"And call me bored." Ranpo called out. "There's no way the way to the dorms is this long."

"Well it would be shorter if you hadn't walked to the complete opposite end of the school! Never trust Ranpo with this sort of thing, Atsushi."

"Noted." Atsushi replied.

They soon reached the door with both Atsushi and Ranpo's names printed next to the handle. Atsushi turned back to Kyouka.

"Thank you so much, Kyouka. I don't know what I would have done without you."

The girl shrugged. "Don't mention it. I know you have Akutagawa to give you directions and that sort of thing, but I'm a couple of doors down if you ever need me. S071."

"Got it." Atsushi smiled, as he followed Ranpo in through the door.

Atsushi stared at the room in silence for a moment as Ranpo flopped down onto his bed. The two different sides were day and night.

His own was bare, obviously, with a suitcase and a couple of boxes by his empty desk. Ranpos seemed to be the complete inverse of that.

Chaos would be an understatement. The room was lined with various crime books, though there wasn't a single bookshelf. Ranpo's half of the dorm was painted a bright blue, and his desk had its entire surface covered by candy wrappers.
"Welcome to your dorm, Atsushi~" Ranpo hummed, pulling a book from underneath his pillow. "You're not technically allowed to paint the walls, but Fukuzawa persuaded Mori that it was okay for me. One of the perks about your uncle being the homeroom teacher."

Atsushi nodded, reaching for his boxes before pausing.

"Hey, Ranpo?"

"Hmm?"

Atsushi took a deep breath. "Do you know anything about Akutagawa Ryuunosuke?"

Ranpo leaned back onto his bed, looking puzzled.

"Let's see, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. Age sixteen, his blood type is O negative, he's related to Gin, whose also in our class, he's in foster care, he-"

"Not that kind of stuff!" Atsushi protested, waving his hands in the air. "I mean, what's he like personally?"

"I think knowing someone's blood type is pretty personal."
Atsushi sighed again, trying to rephrase.

"Does he get along with the other boys, or am I the only one he hates?"

Ranpo put down his book and stared at Atsushi with a warning expression.

"Atsushi, you don't understand any circumstances want to make an enemy of Akutagawa. He's..."

"He's what, Ranpo?"

"Dangerous. I don't usually believe in rumours, but I've heard a lot about him that seemed believable."

"Like his blood type?"

"Jeez, Atsushi, we did a blood typing workshop last year, I'm not a creep for knowing."

"That's good, at least." Atsushi said, still a bit cautious about the guy he would be sharing a room with for the next year at least.

What kind of rumours could there be about Akutagawa? If his personality was as dark as how he dressed, then Atsushi was screwed over if he had to spend time with him in the way Mori wanted.

"What are the rumours?"

"Hmm let's see. There's one that he's actually a vampire, but that's obviously not true. I really shouldn't get into them all here, they're probably all wrong. But be careful around him, Atsushi."

Ranpo returned to his book, leaving Atsushi with more questions than answers. Who was Akutagawa? Why did he hate him so much from the beginning when all he did was talk to him? Why was he so shrouded in mystery? What were the rumours that Ranpo had eluded to?

Atsushi, naturally, was a very anxious person, with that side of him coming out now more prominent than ever. He was going to get to the bottom of all of this Akutagawa stuff.

Though, Ranpo and Kyouka were at least nice to him. He had them, and maybe others to make potential friends with. He didn't need Akutagawa to glare at him and he could be free to detest Atsushi from a distance.

Because Atsushi was going to keep his distance. Maybe he was overreacting, but from the way Akutagawa looked at him to his tense body language, but Atsushi was convinced the boy hated him.

-

Later on that night, Atsushi got a call from his aunt, asking how he was getting on for his first day.

"It's really great here." Atsushi said. Though he was starting to like Kiai, it would be an exaggeration to say it was great. "Most of the people here are really nice."

Atsushi could feel his aunt's eyebrows raised from her apartment twenty miles away.

"Are you sure, Sushi? No one's bullying you here, are they?"
"No, no it's nothing like my old school. My roommates really nice, and I think I can actually make friends here."

Atsushi watched Ranpo smirk to himself from across the room, listening to the conversation.

"Just be yourself, remember? Anyone who hates you for that isn't worth being around."Atsushi thought about that for a moment, applying the sentiment to Akutagawa. He wasn't worth being around anyway, if he hated who Atsushi was so much."I know, auntie. I'll be fine here, I'll let you know how things go."

"Alright. Forgive me for worrying, Sushi."

"It's okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I love you.""Love you too." Atsushi said, hanging up.

"Your aunt calls you 'Sushi?" Ranpo called from across the room."...Yeah?"

"Interesting."

"You think it's dumb, don't you?"

Ranpo sat up. "I don't think it's anything, Sushi." He said, grinning again.

Atsushi ended his first day at Kiai with his face burning red into his pillow. He entered the school with a lot of secrets, but his nickname was one of the ones he had really wanted to keep.

Chapter Text

To Atsushi's delight, Ranpo's friend Poe came to bring him to training half an hour before Akutagawa was supposed to come over, so Atsushi could just follow the two of them to the pitch instead.

Atsushi quickly found out that he liked Poe; the two came from similar backgrounds, with the brunette having moved schools half way through last year.

"I understand what it's like to be the new guy, Atsushi." He reassured him as they approached the field. "But everyone here is really welcoming. At my old school, everything was so cliquey, but there's less of that here."

Atsushi nodded. "Thanks Poe."

"Just don't trust Ranpo for directions. I made that mistake when I first got here too."

"Being bad at directions doesn't even mean anything!" Ranpo protested, folding his arms, making Atsushi laugh.

"I know it doesn't. Anyway Atsushi, don't stress out about the match or anything. You play goals, right?"

"Yeah."

"Ranpo and I are both backs, so we'll be relatively close by. Plus the guys won't go too hard on you."

Atsushi felt a little better as he headed into the changing rooms, but all of that disappeared when he was met with Akutagawa glaring at him.

"Where were you? I thought we agreed I would pick you up from your room?" The boy sneered, folding his arms and scowling at Atsushi.

"Oh yeah, about that." Atsushi nervously laughed. "I didn't want to bother you, so I came with Ranpo and Poe-"

"I stood outside your door for twenty minutes. You could have told me you were going with someone else."

"I'm so sorry, Akutagawa-"

"Stop. Don't say my name."

Atsushi raised his eyebrows.

"What should I call you then?"

"Nothing. I don't like talking to any of these guys on a good day, and you keep proving yourself to be worse than them all. If I talk to you, it's because of Mori, and nothing else. Got it?"

Atsushi nodded, and sat at the opposite end of the changing rooms, next to a group with oddly colourful hair.

"Ranpo wasn't joking then, huh." Another boy with grey hair spoke up.

"What did you even do to him, Nakajima?" The boy Atsushi remembered to be the team captain added.

"I didn't do anything!" Atsushi blurted out. "He just hates me for no reason!"

The third boy in the group next to him sighed as he shrugged on his shirt. "It has to have been something, dude. I mean, Akutagawa doesn't get all pissy like that for no reason."

"Albatross, he can hear you!" The captain hissed, looking over to a livid Akutagawa.

"Right, sorry Chuu. But seriously Atsushi, what happened? You punch him in the face or something?"

"I keep telling you, I didn't do anything! Maybe he's mad because he has to help me with my classes. Mori told him to."

"That doesn't check out though." Poe added. "He had to mentor me when I first joined, and he wasn't nearly that bad."

"Am I just that hate-able?" Atsushi questioned, running his fingers through his choppy bangs.

"Don't say that." Albatross reassured. "Akutagawa’s always got a stick up his ass about something."

Nakahara shot a warning glare at him, but the boy didn't seem to mind.

"You may not get along with him, Atsushi, but you have the rest of the team." Nakahara said, putting his hand on Atsushi's shoulder. He smiled in return, feeling a little bit better about the whole ordeal.

-

Akutagawa knew training today was going to be bad, but he hadn't anticipated it being like this.

The day had already gotten off to a bad start, with Akutagawa waiting outside of the new kids room for minutes on end just for him to never show up. He didn’t know why he even bothered to wait for that long. He should have left as soon as he didn’t hear an answer.

Akutagawa rarely disliked a person as much as he did with Atsushi. The kid clearly knew nothing about him, and how he operated. Maybe it was irrational, but every time Akutagawa looked at the boy’s face, all he felt was an intense surge of anger.

He pulled on his helmet and quickly left the changing rooms, leaving with Gin, who didn’t even attempt to diffuse the situation. Whenever Akutagawa got like this, there was no stopping him.

He wanted training to go as usual, but of course everything today was centred around Atsushi. Sakunosuke, their previous goalkeeper, was more than happy to switch to forwards to let the kid play in his preferred position. Why he couldn’t just suck it up and play forwards was beyond Akutagawa. But of course everyone had to accommodate him.

They didn’t even play a proper match that day, it was just the forwards trying to score against him.

Chuuya, who had been standing next to Akutagawa on the sidelines, picked up on his frustration.

“I know you want an actual match, but it’s just for this one practice.”

Akutagawa scoffed. “I just hate how we have to accommodate him like this. Mori has me ‘looking after’ him like he isn’t sixteen years old and fully aware how to read a timetable.”

“I don’t know why you hate him so much, Aku. You were fine with mentoring Poe last year.”

“That was entirely different.” Akutagawa protested. “Poe didn’t uproot everything.”

“Atsushi isn’t either.” Chuuya butted in. “He told me himself, he has no idea what he did wrong.”

Akutagawa sighed. “Do you ever just look at someone and instantly dislike them?”

“No?”

The black haired boy turned his head to Chuuya. “Seriously?”

“I may have a reputation for holding grudges, but I’ve never hated someone from the first interaction. Not unless they’ve done something really uncalled for.”

“Yes, well I feel that way towards the new kid. He just gets under my skin.”

Chuuya raised his eyebrows.

“Why are you looking at me like that, Nakahara?”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“No there isn’t.”

“I mean, there has to be a reason why you hate him so much! It makes no sense.”

“Maybe I just hate people like him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nakahara! Akutagawa! You’re up to score against Nakajima!” Fukuzawa’s voice echoed out across the pitch. Akutagawa wanted to slap himself.

“But sir, I thought it was just the forwards-”

“You’re both midfielders, you should practice scoring no matter what. And please, show Nakajima some more hospitality. You remember your first day at Kiai, I assume?”

Akutagawa’s fists tightened around his hurl as he walked over to Atsushi, with the latter boy looking terrified.

Akutagawa kept a straight face, and took a deep breath as he raised the ball, hitting it with all of his strength to the back of the net, right beside Atsushi’s head.

Akutagawa had near perfect aim when it came to scoring: he knew exactly what he was doing by having it barely miss Atsushi. The last thing he wanted was to spend even a second more with him, and so Akutagawa employed the tactic of scaring him.

“You're not going to go easy on him?” Chuuya questioned from beside him.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because he's new and probably scared of you?”

“He should be.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Save it.”

The redhead took his turn at a penalty shot, and Akutagawa could tell it was done with a lot less effort than usual. Atsushi quickly blocked the ball, face still screwed up in concentration.

In fact, during the entire practice that day, the only goals scored were by Akutagawa. The fact that Atsushi was an actual capable player in goals just made him more detestable to Akutagawa. He knew that Kiai wouldn't let in any dead weights to the team, but maybe it would have been easier if the boy wasn't just someone else to become better than.

Akutagawa rose the ball to take his third penalty, and locked eyes with Atsushi. He was surprised to see the lack of fear on Atsushi's face while he glared at him.

Another surprise of that practice was how Atsushi blocked the goal. Admittedly, it was barely blocked, but the boy still got a round of applause all the same.

“Hell yeah, Atsushi!” Albatross called out. “Even Oda can't block Aku's goals, you're incredible!”

Akutagawa scoffed as he passed the ball over to Chuuya, rolling his eyes.

-

Atsushi took off his helmet in the changing rooms, worn out from practice. He exchanged small talk with Ranpo and Poe, and even Albatross came up to him to congratulate him on his playing that day. Atsushi was glad that the majority of the reception to him joining the team was positive.

“Hey Atsushi, can I talk to you for a second?”

Kyouka whipped her head around the door, her hair tied in one ponytail instead of two, and dressed in a football jersey. Atsushi was alarmed when she walked straight into the boys changing rooms. He was even more surprised when the rest of the team didn't even bat an eye. Atsushi supposed she did that often.

“Um, yeah, sure.” He replied, standing up to leave with her.

“I watched your training today.” She admitted by the closed door. “Well, parts of it since we have training at the same time. I just wanted to say something about Akutagawa. I've seen the way he talks about you, and I'm going to give you some advice.”

Atsushi laughed. “Be nice to him?”

But Kyouka shook her head. “No, don't. Niceness isn't going to get you anywhere with Akutagawa. If he's going to keep being an asshole, you have to put your guard up. It's going to be difficult, but you have to let him know that you're not going to get walked all over.”

“So what, I insult him back?”

“Not necessarily.” Kyouka pointed out. “Just match his energy a bit more. He says he doesn't want to talk to you, say you don't want to talk to him either. He says he only spends time with you out of obligation, agree with him. Just put up space, or this year's going to be really difficult.”

The two were interrupted by Akutagawa himself walking out of the door, still glaring at Atsushi.

“I suppose you don't know where the psychology classroom is?” He said bitterly.

Atsushi stood up straighter. “I don't need your help, Akutagawa. I can find it by myself.”

“Is that so? Please, enlighten me, where is it?”

Atsushi didn't actually know where their psychology class was, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let Akutagawa speak down on him like that. Not anymore.

“I don't know what I even did to you in the first place!” He protested. “Why do you hate me so much?”

“Because you don't belong here!” Akutagawa spat. “You only blocked one of my goals today, you don't deserve to be at Kiai!”

“But you hated me before that! Tell me what the hell I did to you!”

Akutagawa’s hands balled into fists, and Kyouka slowly backed away.

“You act like no one has ever disliked you before. And I find that hard to believe.”

Atsushi could feel every heartbeat in his chest reverberating throughout his entire body. He wasn't going to show his weaknesses like that.

“I find it hard to believe that people like you!” Atsushi shouted, feeling his anger rise up. Why did Akutagawa have such a problem with him?

“I don't find myself occupied with things as trivial as friendships.” The boy scoffed.

“Quit being overdramatic and answer me!”

“Why can't you just accept that some people don't like you? I have absolutely no reason to. You're loud, you're annoying you can't even block goals properly-”

“Akutagawa-kun.”

Akutagawa felt his heart drop through his stomach.

“Mori sensei.”

The principal stared at him with ice cold eyes.

“I expect to see the two of you in my office in ten minutes. I implore you not to be late.”

And with that, the headmaster walked off, leaving Akutagawa and Atsushi staring at each other with loathing on the damp grass.

Chapter Text

“I actually hate you.” Akutagawa glared, his rage towards the person who was supposed to help him seeping through to his tone.

“Yeah, well the feelings mutual.” Atsushi spat, crossing his arms.

The two of them were in the library, forced to do nothing as part of their detention, just sit and marinate with their ‘bad decisions’. The only other people in the room were two girls, one with pink hair and one with red braids. Technically, the two boys were supposed to stay silent, but the teacher supervising them disappeared within five minutes.

Atsushi couldn’t believe he ever had a chance at being friends with Akutagawa. He was on his second day at Kiai, and he was already in detention. Atsushi feared what his aunt would eventually have to say about all of this.

He shouldn’t even be here; it had been Akutagawa who had done the majority of the arguing. This was all his fault, him and his unreasonable hatred. Why couldn’t any other student show him around the school? Why did it have to be Akutagawa?

The girl with pink hair behind them leaned forward on her desk.

“So is that why you guys are here? You get in a fight or something?”

“You could say that.” Akutagawa scoffed.

“Yeah, a fight that I didn’t even start!” Atsushi protested. “It’s all his fault.”

Akutagawa turned over to Atsushi. “How is it my fault? You were the one who started yelling.”

“Because you hate me for no goddamn reason!”

“Ladies, please, quit fighting.” The girl sighed. “It’s getting old.”

“Stay out of this, Yuan.” Akutagawa barked, still glaring at Atsushi. The boy glared back, his violet yellow eyes glowing with hatred.

“Don’t tell her what to do. God, you just hate everyone, don’t you?”

“Is there a problem with that?”

“Yeah, actually, there is! Quit being an asshole, Akutagawa!”

“I’m not being anything.”

Atsushi pressed his hands against his face in annoyance.

“Is he always like this?” He asked the girl, Yuan.

She shrugged in response. “He’s always annoyed at something, if that’s what you mean.”

“Because you people are annoying! Now please, can you guys shut up?”

“Fine.” Atsushi gave up. “Be like that. See if I care.”

Atsushi stood up from his seat, and walked to the back of the room by the two girls, wishing to be anywhere else.

-

“So how did detention go?”

Ranpo met Atsushi outside the door when the hour was finally up. Atsushi’s face conveyed all of the annoyance in the world, and he doubted he needed to actually articulate an answer.

“That bad, huh?” He mused, putting his arms behind his head. “Mori doesn’t usually give detentions out that easily, he’s just stressed because of his family.”

Atsushi raised his eyebrows. “He has a family?”

“I know, crazy since he looks like a loner and all. I looked through his computer the other day, apparently his nephew’s in hospital or something.”

Atsushi just stared at Ranpo

“You looked through his computer?”

“Yes?”

“Why?”

“I was bored.” Ranpo admitted nonchalantly. “It’s weirdly easy to log into. His password is literally just ‘elisemylove’. His daughter, if you didn’t know.”

Atsushi nodded cautiously. Everything he learned about Ranpo made him more and more of a strange person in Atsushi’s mind.

“Have you ever gotten detention before?” He asked after a minute.

“Oh yeah, tons of times. Mostly for eating in class. Pretty much everyone’s been in detention at some point or other, apart from Nakahara and Kunikida. Albatross is practically a regular there.”

“Kunikida’s the blonde one, right?”

“Yep. And speaking of…”

Atsushi soon noticed a tall, blonde boy storming down the corridor, directly over to the two.

“Ranpo!” He called out in a deep voice.

“Kunikida!” Ranpo smiled. “How’s it going?”

“Were you in detention just now?”

“Oh no, I’m just picking up Atsushi here. He’s new.”

“Yes, I know that. Why was he in detention?”

Atsushi felt ten times smaller under Kunikida's glare, but still tried to hold his ground.

“Akutagawa and I got into a fight.” Atsushi admitted.

To Atsushi's surprise, Kunikida didn't immediately jump down his throat.

“Oh. Just don't let it happen again, Nakajima. Nakahara may be the captain, but I'm a prefect, and I won't hesitate to report anything to Mori.”

The blonde stormed away again, leaving Ranpo and Atsushi alone in the hall.

“What was that about?”

“Typical Kunikida. He's always got a stick up his ass about something.” Ranpo sighed as they resumed walking.

-

Atsushi wished things would change between him and Akutagawa after that detention, but they really didn't.

The next month was full of Akutagawa’s bitterness and hatred towards Atsushi, with the latter partially returning some of the vitriol. It got to a point where they didn't say a word to each other apart from some passing snide comments.

“Only someone as useless as you would let that goal in!”

“At least I have friends other than my brother!”

“You missed another homework assignment? Why did they let you into this school in the first place?”

“God, are you ever not miserable all the time?”

Even thinking about Akutagawa made Atsushi’s blood boil. He was just glad he had other people in his life now to make up for it.

Speaking of, Atsushi found himself in a friend group for the first time in…well, ever. Kunikida seemed to take the hint about Akutagawa’s relentless cruelty, and would often defend him during their quarrels. The blonde was extremely protective over Atsushi, and introduced him into his group of friends.

First, there was Kenji. Atsushi thought that he was the most similar to himself, and they would often pair up for school assignments.

Kenji grew up in the Irish countryside, and moved to Japan to pursue hurling properly. Atsushi learned a lot about the country, specifically how devoted everyone there seemed to be towards farming. He didn't mind it, but farming would find a way into every single conversation they had.

Then there was Junichirou. Junichirou went to the same middle school as Albatross, and both seemed to have a uniquely chaotic energy to them. Kunikida had told Atsushi that if there was any party involving the Kiai team, Junichirou and his friend were sure to be involved.

Lastly, there was Kunikida himself, whose favourite pastime seemed to be reminding absolutely everyone that he was a prefect. The boy was meticulous about every aspect of his life, and carried around his notebook like it was his own personal bible, which, in a way, it was.

Atsushi was surprised at how well he fit into this group of boys. He would compare Kiai a lot to his old middle school, and what his classmates were like there.

Atsushi only spent a year at that place before his aunt pulled him out due to severe bullying. Everyone at that school seemed to have it out for Atsushi, not unlike Akutagawa. They would constantly remind him how he was never good enough, and didn't deserve his place in a sports school like theirs.

He didn't want to admit it, but Atsushi had internalised a lot of their comments. But if he could choose between having fourteen boys that loathed him for who he was, or just one, he would pick the second option any day of the week.

Atsushi's first month at Kiai passed in a relatively positive fashion. He had friends, he liked his teachers, and he knew all of the names of his classmates by heart.

He had been sitting in the cafeteria with Kunikida, Kenji, and Junichirou one morning in early October, just listening to Kenji talking about how great autumn was for farming when the Akutagawa siblings walked past them, with the older one glaring at Atsushi in his usual fashion.

“He still isn't leaving you alone?” Junichirou asked, noting the interaction.

“This is actually quite tame for him.” Atsushi remarked. “No insults this time.”

“You two really ought to sort whatever is going on between you.” Kunikida said, his voice full of its usual authority. “You can't go through the rest of high school like that.”

“I really don't see it ever changing, Kunikida.” Atsushi sighed. “He hates me. I don't like him. End of.”

“I think it's pretty justified.” Junichirou commented to the surprise of Atsushi.

“What, Akutagawa hating Atsushi?” Kenji asked, confused.

The redhead shook his head. “No, Atsushi not liking Akutagawa. I've heard some messed up things about him.”

Atsushi leaned forward into the table, while Kunikida sighed.

“Baseless rumours aren't ever going to result in anything of worth.” The blonde spoke up, pinching the bridge of his nose behind his glasses.

“Not all of them are rumours though.” Junichirou replied. “Gin told me that Akutagawa used to bully the kids in their own foster home. The only part of it that was a rumour was that he knocked a kid's tooth out.”

“Wait, Akutagawa actually did that?”

“It's a rumour!” Kunikida protested. “It's more than likely not true!”

“It does check out though.” Kenji said, looking up. “He nearly broke my finger in first year, and he didn't even seem sorry about it.”

Atsushi’s perception of the boy was starting to shift again. Was he really that violent? He had seen Akutagawa on the field, and he was by far the most ruthless player, but Atsushi didn't take him to be the kind of person to straight up punch a kid in the face.

The grey haired boy vented his frustrations regarding Akutagawa for the millionth time to his roommate, who listened apathetically.

“I know I shouldn’t be all caught up on him, but I just don’t know what his problem is!” Atsushi complained, running his fingers through his hair as he sat down on his bed. “Maybe everyone is right, and he’s some kind of vampire who feeds off tormenting people.”

Ranpo sighed deeply, finally turning his head over to Atsushi.

“Maybe he’s just goth, Sushi.”

“Or maybe he’s just a prick.” Atsushi scoffed.

“You have to find a middle ground here somewhere though.” Ranpo mused. “I can’t keep dedicating my evenings to listening to the relentless pining you have towards Akutagawa.”

Atsushi blushed bright red. “I’m not pining!”

“Mmh, sure. But you can’t hate him until the end of time.”

“I can, actually.” Atsushi remarked. “I’m going to hate that guy for the rest of my life.”

Chapter Text

Akutagawa took a deep breath before clicking the ‘call’ button on his laptop, mentally preparing himself for the upcoming conversation. 

His foster parents had only let him go to Kiai in the first place on the agreement that both him and Gin would call at least once a week, leaving Akutagawa’s Friday evenings consumed by two people he really couldn’t care less about.

Akutagawa had been told by pretty much everyone in his life for as long as he could remember that he really should be more grateful for the things he did get in life, but the sentiment only seemed to enrage him further. He should be grateful? For what? His parents abandoning both him and his sibling when they were both toddlers? The whole thing was ridiculous. 

The couple that were currently ‘taking care’ of Akutagawa and Gin, the Watanabes, seemed sweet on the outside, but that proved to be to their detriment. They were a sickening kind of sweet, an overbearing amount if you were to ask Akutagawa. It was all gummy smiles and false positive words in a desperate attempt to get their two new kids to feel at home around them, though both knew it to be impossible. 

Gin would often try to defend the Watanabes, saying that they had good intentions, even if they were a bit- well, a lot to deal with. Akutagawa would shrug it off, call them out for who he knew they truly were: two idiots who thought it would give them good person points if they took in two orphaned siblings. It only supported his case that the two were religious freaks.

As they always did, Akutagawa’s foster parents picked up the call at seven p.m. on the dot. The siblings were met with squinted eyes behind glasses - they still hadn’t figured out the mechanics of the app yet because of course they didn’t. 

Once they saw their foster children’s faces though, their expressions brightened.

“Ryuunosuke, Gin!” Their foster mother, Sakura, announced with joy. “How have you two been!”

Though Akutagawa was always the one to speak for both of them in almost every other context, it was Gin who did the heavy lifting when it came to these calls. 

“We’ve been alright, just trying to adjust back to boarding school life.” They said with a polite smile. That particular expression of Gin’s was a staple of any interactions with the Watanabes.

“You’ve got to tell us more than that, Gin!” Matsui Watanabe asked, leaning in closer towards the camera. 

“Things have been really quiet here recently.” Gin mused. “There’s a new kid in our year, but other than that, nothing special.”

“A new kid?” Sakura piped up. “That seems pretty exciting! I hope you guys are being nice to him.”

Akutagawa just folded his arms and scoffed, feeling the sharp poke of Gin’s elbow in his bicep.

“The principal actually chose Ryuunosuke to help him adjust to Kiai.” Gin beamed, with Akutagawa resenting them more with each passing second. “It’s nice seeing him make friends.”

Akutagawa’s foster parents turned to each other in an amazed sort of confusion, before turning back to the camera, both being equally as shocked as the other that Akutagawa had made any attempt at friendship.

“That’s wonderful news! Tell me, Ryuunosuke, what’s his name-”

“We have our first match next week.” Akutagawa blurted out, desperate to change the conversation in literally any other direction. “The opening game is against Kibou High School.”

The four of them talked about the start of the season, and other inconsequential things, with Akutagawa shutting down every single sentence that even remotely connected back to Atsushi. Eventually, Gin gave up with it altogether.

When the call finally ended, Akutagawa trained his sharp grey eyes onto his sibling, staring daggers at them.

“Why did you have to mention him? We couldn’t be further from friends, Gin.”

Gin sighed in return. “Maybe it’s because I think you should be.”

“ What?! ”

“It’s true!” They defended. “I sit next to him in physics, he seems like a really decent guy. God knows you need someone to talk to that isn’t me.”

“You’re one to talk!” Akutagawa countered. “You and I both have the same number of friends.”

“Not necessarily. Tachihara and I get along quite well, but I doubt you even noticed that!”

“Since when were you and him friends?”

“God, Ani, if you stopped ruminating over your hatred for Nakajima, you might pick up on things! I really think he could be good for you. You need someone not-depressing in your life.”

“I’m going to bed.” Akutagawa said sharply, ignoring how it was only half eight in the evening. 

“You can try and avoid the problem all you want, Ryuunosuke, but at some point you are going to have to realise you need people a lot more than you think you do.”

“Tch.” Akutagawa scoffed, pulling his blankets over his head as he turned to face the wall.

Gin was an intelligent person, but they really didn’t know when to leave him alone sometimes.

-

Atsushi soon discovered that his favourite place to be in the entire school building was the common room on the first floor of the dorms.

He had initially spent a lot of time in his room, and though he still enjoyed the space, there was something that got to him about spending too much time with Ranpo. Specifically how he and his boyfriend, Edgar were practically glued at the hip, and the majority of time spent in their bedroom was time spent among three people.

The common room, however? No awkward third wheeling. It was a large space, with deep blue carpets and chairs and sofas of the same deep hue. Granted, there would always be at least three other people there, but Atsushi didn’t mind it. The whole thing felt familiar and strangely comforting. 

On that particular day in late October, Atsushi found himself sitting cross legged on one of the sofas, adjacent to Kyouka. She also had a distaste for her own dorm, though it was mostly based on her roommate's obsession with antique dolls. The younger girl had told Atsushi that they deeply creeped her out, and she avoided the room as much as she could.

“So what do you think about the match next week?” Kyouka asked out of the blue, tilting her head at her friend.

Atsushi shrugged. Don’t get him wrong, he was worried about the match just as much as he worried about the ones at his previous school, but there was a strange sense of hope in him towards him. Maybe ‘hope’ was the wrong word, but Atsushi wasn’t nearly as nervous as he could have been.

The people in his class - with the exception of a certain person with oddly dyed hair - were all really welcoming to him. Atsushi had his friends; Kyouka, Ranpo, Kunikida, Junichirou, Kenji. And even outside them, he got along astonishingly well with the others. The most surprising out of all of them though was Akutagawa Gin. Though they looked similar enough to be twins, they were nothing like their brother. Ryuunosuke himself was a different subject altogether.

“I’m strangely looking forward to it, actually.” Atsushi confessed. “I did some research on the team. They call themselves ‘The Guild’.”

“I’ve heard.” Kyouka chimed in. “Obviously I won’t be able to play with you, but you can find me on the sidelines all the same.”

“You go to all of the matches?”

“Most of them, if I don’t have exams to study for. I honestly regret not joining the camogie team here, Atsushi.”

“You seem amazing at football, anyway.” Atsushi praised, causing his friend to blush bright red.

“You’re great at hurling too.” Kyouka admitted. “I don’t know how goalkeepers manage in hurling. I feel like you’d get hit a lot.”

Atsushi laughed. “That still happens. But still, I can do this, I just can’t let anyone get in my head.”

The two of them both knew who Atsushi was referring to without him having to bring the person in question’s name into the conversation. 

“I just wish my aunt could be here for my first match.” Atsushi sighed. “She’s never missed one before.”

“You live with her, right?” Kyouka asked, remembering her friend mentioning it in passing.

“Yeah, ever since my parents died a couple of years ago.” Atsushi admitted. 

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I don’t remember much of them, anyway.” Atsushi said, staring at his hands.

“Still, it’s never easy to go through.” Kyouka said, grabbing onto her friend's hand. The boy looked back up at her.

“I mean, I try not to think about it. It never ends well, but…”

“How did it happen?” The girl asked before immediately wincing. “Sorry, that was a bad thing to say-”

“No, it’s okay.” Atsushi smiled weakly. “Someone broke into our house when I was thirteen. They were stabbed in their sleep.”

Kyouka stared blankly at him, not knowing how to respond. 

“Addiction.” She said plainly. “It took out my father. I know it’s not the same, but I know the pain of losing a parent. It feels like your whole world is collapsing.”

“I’m sorry, Kyouka.”

“ I’m sorry, Atsushi. None of this should have happened. I have my mother, at least. She’s been there for me through it all.”

“Same with my aunt.” Atsushi added. “She’s been my biggest supporter, through quite literally everything. I have a duty to make her proud at the match on Friday.”

Suddenly, Atsushi felt two hands grip his shoulders from behind, with the boy flinching at the foreign touch.

“You won’t have to do much, Atsushi, we’re going to crush the losers at the guild.”

The grey haired boy turned around, and was met with his own reflection radiating off of black sunglasses.

“How many times do I have to tell you to stop creeping up on people like that, Albatross?” The voice of the team captain reprimanded. “It creeps people out.”

“Sorry!” Albatross called out, walking over to sit in front of Atsushi and Kyouka. “Seriously though, don’t worry about it. We’ve practically already won.”

“Overconfident much?” Chuuya said, crossing his arms. 

“Don’t make little Atsushi here doubt our abilities, Chuu. I mean, what’s Fitzgerald and his gang got against the likes of us, right Atsu?”

Atsushi smiled and nodded. Nothing was going to get in the way between them and winning the match, not himself, not his anxieties, and certainly not Akutagawa. 

Chapter Text

Atsushi stepped onto the bus that was to bring the team to their match against the Guild, fully intending to sit beside Kunikida for the journey, noting that it would be a long one to say the least. That was until he caught sight of someone else. 

Akutagawa was sitting towards the back of the bus, earphones in and staring out the window with a look on his face that made Atsushi’s heart twist.

He looked…sad.

Atsushi had never really seen Akutagawa without his usual anger induced expression, and the sight of his face without it, in such a vulnerable light made Atsushi feel bad for him. 

It had to have been exhausting. Being alone all of the time. 

Before he could process what exactly he was doing, Atsushi decided to sit next to the boy anyway, consequences be damned. 

Atsushi was met with the exact reaction he had been expecting from Akutagawa once he sat down next to him on the empty aisle seat.

“And what exactly are you doing here?”

“Sitting down. It’s a bus.”

“Yes, I know that. My question is why next to me? Does Kunikida not want to be friends anymore?” He said with a mocking tone.

“Is it so impossible to believe that I just want to sit down here?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

Atsushi sighed. “Can we start over?”

“What?”

“I mean we leave all of this bickering in the past. Reintroduce ourselves. Start over.”

“And why would I want to do that?”

“Because it’s getting exhausting.” Atsushi admitted. “Fighting all the time.” 

“I don’t find it exhausting.”

“So what, you’re not even going to try?”

“I don’t see why I have to.”

“Alright, fine! Forget I asked!” Atsushi gave up, with the two spending the rest of the hour in silence. He tried to think of anything and everything that wasn’t related to Akutagawa in a desperate attempt to not make things any more strained and awkward then they had to be.

-

All in all, the match against the Guild had turned out a lot better than Atsushi had ever expected it to. He wasn’t anticipating some sort of debilitating loss or anything, and while the win they did achieve as a team was narrow, the shock of it all was still a surprise. 

The rest of the boys seemed to share a similar sentiment, what with the confused but excited looks plastering each and every one of their faces.

All except one, but that one in particular knew only how to scowl and how to look like he would rather be anywhere else but here.

As Atsushi walked to the centre of the field to shake the other team’s hands, he was suddenly and aggressively pulled into a bear hug by Kenji, who was smiling so hard his eyes were barely visible. 

“You did so well, Atsushi!” 

As soon as Atsushi was able to breathe again, he smiled back at the blonde as he undid the clasp of his helmet. “You too, Kenji.”

- 

Outgoing call 

Auntie 

• 353 555 1820

“Hello?”

“Sushi! How did the match go?”

“Really well, we ended up winning. I let a couple goals in though.”

“Well done!!! I knew you could do it, I’m so proud!”

“Thanks, auntie.”

“Other than that, how have things been going? You make up with that boy of yours yet?”

“Auntie, don’t say that! He’s not that boy of mine.”

“ Sorry, sorry. Any luck with him though?”

“Not really. I tried to make up with him but it didn’t really go anywhere.”

“Just remember what I always told you, Sushi.”

“I know, I know. Be kind.”

“Exactly. And don’t forget to-”

“What are you doing here?”

Atsushi turned his head around so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash. Standing behind him was Akutagawa, arms crossed and looking impatient. 

“Sorry, Auntie, I’ll be back in a second.” Atsushi apologised, hanging up the phone. “What is it?”

“Miyazawa noticed you disappeared, and wanted someone to find where you were. Of course I got given that job, unfortunately.”

Akutagawa took out his own phone to text the boy back, letting him know where Atsushi had gotten off to.

Akutagawa 

He’s behind the school to talk to

his aunt

Sent 14:09

Kenji 

And you’re with him?

Sent 14:09

Akutagawa

I guess so?

Sent 14:10

Kenji

Great! We’ll see you back at Kiai :)

Sent 14:12

“What’s that face for?” Atsushi asked as he watched Akutagawa stare blankly at his phone.

“You’re getting driven back by your aunt, right?”

“What? No?”

“Fuck.”

“What the hell do you mean, Akutagawa?”

“I mean we’re stuck out here.”

-

“None of my calls are going through.” Atsushi sighed, sitting down on the damn grass. “What are we supposed to do?”

The two had begun to walk to the nearest bus station, though unfortunately for the two of them, it seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. Atsushi figured that if they couldn’t contact anyone at school, they might as well wait for a public bus back, though since the two of them were in an unfamiliar town, they were completely and utterly lost.

“I think you should be the one to figure that out, since we would be back with the others if it wasn’t for you!” Akutagawa retorted, crossing his arms. 

It had been nearly two hours since they were separated from the rest of the hurling team, and Atsushi was getting increasingly more desperate and increasingly more annoyed. Things would almost be better if he was stranded out here alone- at least then he wouldn’t have to listen to constant moaning and cutting remarks. 

And of course it had to be Akutagawa he was stuck with. The one person who hated him more than anything. 

“Don’t act like you didn’t have any part of this, Akutagawa!” Atsushi argued, looking up from the ground and into those steel grey eyes. 

“Remind me again how this is my fault?”

“I get it, I was the one who walked away, but none of that would have happened if you didn’t start criticising every move I made relentlessly! You didn’t do that to anyone else!”

“I didn’t have to! You let three goals in!”

“And I blocked six! What point are you trying to make here, Akutagawa!”

“Don’t say my name.”

“Oh, grow up.” Atsushi scoffed, crossing his arms. He was growing to resent the person he was around Akutagawa, but the frustration he felt towards him felt never ending. He picked at a wad of the dew soaked grass, feeling it stick to his fingers. 

“I’m going to try and call Ranpo again.” He muttered after a moment of aching silence. Atsushi didn’t know which was worse, the times that they would talk or the times where they wouldn’t.

“Please, don’t let me stop you.” Akutagawa said sarcastically as the boy next to him stood up.

By some miracle, the call went through, and Atsushi was met with a bored ‘who is it and what do you want’ from Ranpo.

“It’s me.”

“Sushi!” He exclaimed, energy levels double what they were a moment previous. “We were wondering where you got off to!”

“Yeah, sorry, 

Akutagawa observed the phone call from a distance, physically seeing some of the anxiety lift off of the boy he was stuck out here with. 

“He said they can get us in an hour.”

Akutagawa raised his eyebrows. “Seriously?”

“I swear to god, if you start complaining about this again-”

“I think I have every right to.”

“If I apologised, would you leave me alone?”

“Perhaps.”

“Too bad I’m not going to.”

“Now look who’s the childish one.”

Atsushi ignored Akutagawa as he began to mutter to himself as began pacing the short stretch of grass by the roadside. He had always been an anxious person, even before the incident that killed his parents. There was constantly something to stress over, something that needed overthinking, and now he was being presented with a situation where panic was actually justified. 

His thoughts turned to his aunt, and the panic increased tenfold. Atsushi had promised her that he could take care of himself, and here he was, losing his mind about not catching the bus back home. 

How pathetic. 

“Auntie’s going to kill me.” Atsushi continued to pace, knowing that she wouldn’t, but still feeling like he had failed her somehow. “She’s going to homeschool me all over again like she did right after Mom and Dad died and I won’t get to talk to Kunikida or Ranpo anymore and-”

“Can you please shut up?” An agitating, grating, but all too familiar voice called out.

Atsushi could practically feel a vein in his forehead twitch as he stopped dead in his tracks. 

“As much as I would love to hear your depressing backstory- actually nevermind, I don’t want to hear your depressing backstory. Period.” Akutagawa added. 

“It’s just constant with you!” Atsushi snapped. “You never give me a goddamn break over anything! I keep trying to be nice to you but you keep acting like this! Either you tell me what the hell I did wrong or you stop hating me so much!”

Akutagawa pursed his lips into a thin line and stood up.

“Why do you always need a reason?”

“Because I don’t want you to hate me!” Atsushi blurted out. “I wanted to get along with you, and I wanted to be your friend, but you keep giving me reasons to not like you! I haven’t given you a single one!”

Akutagawa shot a look of ice at Atsushi, though he stayed silent.

The truth was Akutagawa didn’t have a proper reason for hating Atsushi in the way he did. The worst the boy did was annoy him, and if that was the only basis Akutagawa had to intensely hate someone, he would be at odds with half the hurling team. 

He didn’t want friends. No, he didn’t need them. He had his sibling to keep close, and that was already risky enough.

The thing they don’t tell you in foster care is how fleeting every single relationship in your life becomes. Any good foster parents that Akutagawa and Gin had, any friends they actually managed to make - they were ripped away from, time and time again until the very thought of getting to love another couple or another few friends at a new foster home seemed completely and utterly pointless. 

Gin was the only constant in Akutagawa’s life. Sure, he got on with Nakahara and Tachihara well enough to exchange casual conversation, but they couldn’t become his friends. No one could. It was just him and Gin against the brutal, fucked up world.

He couldn’t be friends with Atsushi. But he could hate him. Hate came easy to Akutagawa - it was practically all he had known.

“I can’t be your friend!” He burst out in response. “I don’t need you, or anyone.”

To his surprise, Atsushi laughed dryly. 

“That’s it? You won’t be friends with me because you ‘don’t need anyone’? Well, reality check, Akutagawa. If you go through the rest of your life hating people and pushing them away, all that’s going to do is make you miserable.”

The words struck the black haired boy as if he had been stabbed in the neck, but he pushed those emotions that were beginning to surface way down inside him to their rightful place. 

“Why are you so obsessed with me?”

“I’m not! If you had bothered to pay attention to anything, I have other friends! Kunikida and Ranpo and Tanizaki and Miyazawa. I have people I care about. Both my parents are dead, Akutagawa. I could use that as an excuse to not get close to anyone ever again, and I did, but all that ever did was make me miserable. I could try and convince you not to think like that, but since you’re so determined on hating me, I’m not even going to bother!”

Atsushi slumped down onto the grass after that, staring intently at the grass, avoiding Akutagawa’s eyes as if his life depended on it. 

He hated how much Atsushi was right. 

-

Atsushi knew that Ranpo’s boyfriend Poe had a driver's licence, but what he didn’t expect was a sleek, black, luxury car with tinted windows to pull up to collect them both. He was even more surprised when the person who rolled down their windows to collect them wasn’t Poe or Ranpo.

“Jesus, Ranpo wasn’t lying, you two really are stuck in the middle of nowhere.” Albatross laughed at the two of them, taking off his sunglasses. 

“I thought he was going to pick us up?” Atsushi questioned.

“He was supposed to.” Nakahara called out from the passenger seat. “I believe his exact words were ‘do I have to?’. He’s got a really big habit of making other people do things for him by whining loud enough.”

“ That, my dear Chuuya, is a massive understatement.” Albatross joked. “Now are the two of you just going to stand out there or what?”

Atsushi had never felt awkwardness quite to the extent of sitting in the back of Albatross’s car while Akutagawa sat with his arms crossed to his right. The two of them were desperate to continue avoiding eye contact, and both stared out the window with frustrated expressions. 

Akutagawa was right in a way though. Why was Atsushi so insistent that he and Akutagawa be friends? He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his hostile classmate, and sure, a part of him felt drawn to the boy, but he had no idea why. 

Maybe he should give up on the whole ‘friends’ thing. Maybe it was for the best that the two of them stayed at a distance. 

But Atsushi wasn’t quite sure if that’s what he wanted. 

Chapter Text

The church was empty and cold, as it usually was on any given weekday in November, which was exactly how Akutagawa liked it. Too many people meant too many distractions, and church was the one place he could address his thoughts fully as they came to him.

Akutagawa had been a Christian for as long as he could remember. Gin had abandoned the religion years ago, but a part of Akutagawa had always held on to it. He had no idea how his sibling could go about life believing that their mother and father weren’t still out there, and that they would never see them again. This belief was all Akutagawa had left to hold onto.

As soon as he walked through the double doors, Akutagawa walked over to the candles by the side of the wall, and lit two as he always did. It was an established routine by now. Go to church every Thursday and Sunday. Light candles for his parents. Sit at a pew near the altar and allow himself to think.

Usually the thoughts would be about his parents, but now he had a new occupant in his mind.

An occupant by the name of Atsushi Nakajima.

Why did he hate him so much in particular? Akutagawa asked himself that question over and over, but couldn’t quite reach the reason. What he did know was that the boy was right about what he said to him after they got stranded last week.

Akutagawa could let his pain overwhelm him, cause him to push everyone away, or he could embrace it and allow people to get close to him again.

But getting close to people was a risky endeavour. Relationships were fleeting, and Akutagawa had no idea when they would end. Because it had always been a ‘when’, not ‘if’. These sorts of things never lasted long anyway.

He started to picture what his life would look like if he allowed anyone other than Gin to get close to him. Having friends to do homework assignments with, to hang out with after school, to tell every excruciating secret to.

Atsushi Nakajima.

Akutagawa imagined what life would be like if he had agreed to be friends with Atsushi. What would friends even talk about? What would their conversations consist of? It was different with Gin. They already knew everything about him.

This whole idea was stupid. Why bother going over every painful detail of the most mundane and depressing life just for someone who could get up and leave at any moment.

You’d swear I was in love with him or something, Akutagawa thought, looking up at the cross at the centre of the altar. He would be concerned about that if not for the knowledge that he was as straight as a person could get. And glad about it too. Homosexuality was a sin, and there was no way Akutagawa would risk getting sent to hell and being separated from his parents for all of eternity.

Akutagawa didn’t date girls or anything, though. Again, that would mean he would have to get close to them, and he didn’t do that. The closest he had gotten to a relationship with a girl was with one of the other foster kids at his old centre. She had kissed him on New Years Eve, and that was it. Akutagawa didn’t speak to her after that. He forgot her name entirely.

No, this obsession with thinking about Atsushi wasn’t based on any romantic attraction. Thank God.

But still, it was an obsession, one that spanned long before their conversation on the roadside last week. Gin had even called him out for it on numerous occasions, since he would spend so much time devoted to talking about him.

They were in the same class, and spent hours every day in the same room as each other. Akutagawa had learned a lot about the boy from eavesdropped conversations with Kunikida’s little gang.

Atsushi was sixteen like him, and both his parents were dead, again like him. His favourite colour was purple, and he had a deep love for chazuke. He loved dogs too, and the rain, and reading, and drawing, and spending time with his aunt and-

Akutagawa cut himself off mentally. Since when did he know so much about Atsushi? It’s not like he cared about him or anything. Far from it.

He heard the doors of the church swing open again, and was taken aback. This place was usually empty on Thursdays.

Michizou Tachihara stood in the doorframe, and from the look on his face, he was just as surprised as Akutagawa.

“Ryuunosuke? I didn’t know you came here?” He smiled, walking over and sitting next to the boy in the same pew.

Great.

“Akutagawa.” He corrected. “And yes, I come here every twice a week.”

“Weird.” Tachihara remarked. “I come here all the time and never see you here. It’s usually on Fridays, but I figured I’d come today since it’s my brother’s death anniversary.”

This shocked Akutagawa greatly. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”

A beat of silence.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Normally, Akutagawa didn’t like to prolong conversations longer than he absolutely had to, but he couldn’t just leave what Tachihara had told him. Losing a loved one had consumed so much of his life, his thoughts, his energy, and so a large part of him felt empathy for those with the same lived experience.

“Don’t be. It happened six years ago.” He replied plainly.

“What was his name?”

“Shunzen. He jumped off the Yokohama Bay Bridge. It happened right after my mother kicked him out.”

Akutagawa just stared at his hands, not knowing what to say. He didn’t hate Tachihara, but they never really interacted more than a quick ‘hello’ in the corridors or asking which class was next.

“Sorry, I know that’s a lot.” Tachihara apologised.

“No, it’s fine. I get it.”

“Thanks.”

“You could light a candle for him.” Akutagawa suggested, though his voice was quiet.

“What was that?”

“I said you could light a candle for him.” He gestured to the two lit ones by the altar. “I’ve done two for my parents.”

“Oh. Yeah, I think I will.”

Tachihara and Akutagawa walked over to the tray, and the latter watched as the former held a match to the wick.

And then Akutagawa did the most out of character thing imaginable.

He listened to Tachihara talk about his grief, and had a conversation.

Akutagawa would be a liar if he said that it didn’t have anything to do with what Atsushi had told him about not pushing him away. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt too badly to get even just familiar with someone. He would gently indulge in it all, but not too much. Never too much.

-

The more surprising part about that evening in the church was the fact of Tachihara going with Akutagawa every Thursday and Sunday. Things escalated in a way that the black haired boy had never expected nor anticipated. They wouldn’t talk much when they were actually inside, but on the way there and back, the two boys could hold down a conversation.

Akutagawa found that he didn’t hate talking to Tachihara. And a part of him acknowledged that he was fun to be around. They wouldn’t go out of their way to hang out with each other after school outside of their weekly church visits, but it was more socialisation than Akutagawa had experienced in the past year.

In mid December, Gin spoke to Akutagawa about it.

They looked up from their phone in the siblings shared dorm one evening and commented on it.

“You look better.”

“What?” Akutagawa demanded, confused more than anything.

“I mean, you don’t look like you want to kill everyone as much. Is this because of the thing going on between you and Tachihara?”

“You make it sound like the two of us are dating.”

“I don’t know, are you?”

“Of course we aren’t! Who do you think I am?”

“Jeez, it was just a question, Ryuunosuke. No need to get defensive.”

“I’m not getting defensive. Just drop it.”

“Okay. I am glad you’ve made a friend though.”

Right. Because he and Tachihara were friends now. The concept was strange, but Akutagawa had begun to embrace it.

He would have to thank Atsushi. No, he couldn't do that. Maybe he could be less harsh on him in return. Their relationship was still strained, but maybe it didn't have to be.

-

“There has to be something fundamentally wrong with me.” Atsushi groaned into his hands during a free period.

“What makes you say that?” Junichirou asked from the seat to Atsushi’s left.

“He's practically giving me the silent treatment as a way to torment me. He barely even insults me anymore.”

“I'm pretty sure he gives everyone the silent treatment.” Kenji added.

“Kenji’s right, Atsushi.” Junichirou pointed out. “I thought you'd be happy with him not insulting you anymore?”

“I am but… this whole Tachihara thing is weirding me out.” Atsushi sighed.

“Tachihara thing?” Kenji questioned.

“The two of them being friends now.” Atsushi pointed out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“And that's a problem how?” Junichirou asked.

“I don't even know!” Atsushi exclaimed, letting his head hit the desk. “If he can be nice to Tachihara, why does he have to be the way he is to me?”

“Do you like him or something?” Kenji asked earnestly.

“What?! No!” Atsushi blushed, though he wasn't quite sure why he did. He didn't like Akutagawa. End of. No more discussion.

“You certainly act like you do.” Junichirou nodded. “What with all the staring and everything.”

“I do not stare!”

“Yes you do!”

Atsushi could admit he was keeping tabs on Akutagawa, mostly to see if he took in anything he had said to him, about wanting to be friends, about letting go of grudges, about letting go of all the anger he had inside of him.

There was that pull again, that drew him to Akutagawa, that morbid curiosity that made the boy a main character in Atsushi’s thoughts with little to no interference.

“I just find him interesting! That's all!”

“interesting in what way?” Kenji pressed.

“How long are you guys going to keep at me over this?” Atsushi groaned.

“We can drop it if you want.” Junichirou suggested, and Atsushi confirmed that this was what he wanted.

Truthfully, he had no real idea why he was so peeved at Akutagawa and Tachihara's friendship. Maybe it was because Atsushi had wanted to be friends with Akutagawa so badly at first, and he had been rejected in the hardest way possible.

Akutagawa proved to Atsushi that he could make friends. Just not with him.

Why do I care so much? Atsushi asked himself for the thousandth time. Why am I acting like a damn six year old? Wanting someone to be my friend? Grow up, Atsushi.

Atsushi looked across the room at Tachihara and Akutagawa sitting beside each other, a change from the latter being near constantly at his siblings' side. The two were just talking, and it made the annoyance in Atsushi surge.

Why did he care so damn much?

Chapter Text

Life with a friend beside him was a lot stranger than Akutagawa had ever anticipated.

He was hesitant to call the relationship between him and Tachihara a friendship at all, but anyone else wouldn't think twice before calling what they had just that. Before he could even process what was happening, Tachihara had squirmed his way into his life, and Akutagawa didn't know quite how to feel.

Gin had called him out about it one day when they walked back to their dorms after training one evening, both shivering in the late November air.

"So..." They said, smiling. 

"What?" Akutagawa demanded.

"You and Tachihara? Where did that come from?"

"I thought you wanted me to have friends." He said, raising an eyebrow.  

"I do, of course I do. It's just unexpected."

"I wouldn't really say we're friends." Akutagawa resigned.

"Dating?" Gin questioned.

"How many times do I have to tell you??"

"Okay, okay! I just thought I'd ask."

"You know you've been super weird about my dating life recently." Akutagawa questioned.

"Well, the winter formal is coming up and..." Gin trailed off.

"And? Are you going to it or something?" 

"I might have been asked out, yes."

Akutagawa stared at his sibling, completely dumbfounded. "Who? Who asked you?"

"Higuchi. From 2D."

"..."

"You don't like her, do you?"

"I think you'll find that I don't like most people."

“True.” Gin sighed. “But you don’t mind?”

“Why would I?”

"Hey, Aku!" A friendly voice called out from behind them, with the owner lightly jogging to meet the two siblings. 

"I thought I told you not to call me that." Akutagawa protested, folding his arms in annoyance. 

"Right, sorry." His best friend replied. "You going to the party on Saturday?"

"Party?"

"Yes, a social event where people go to-"

"I know what a party is, Tachihara. I just don’t go to them."

"Oh, I go every time Junichirou and Albatross throw one." Tachihara smirked. "You should come with me."

"No." Akutagawa responded immediately. 

"And why not? It'd be fun~" Tachihara teased.

"I. don't. do. parties."

"And you also didn't do friends, but now look at you!"

"I still don't know how that even happened." He scoffed. 

"Because you couldn't escape my irresistible personality, Akutagawa."

"Tch."

"I think you should come, though. It'd be good to get out of the house- erm, dorm."

“I agree with Tachihara.” Gin added. “God knows I need another night of your relentless snoring.”

-

"If I fall I swear to god I’m blaming you guys." Atsushi called out, feeling the probability of his face colliding with the matte black tiles below him increase with every passing second.

"You'll be fine!" Albatross called out from the other side of the room, not looking up from his phone. "The lights only take a couple minutes to put up!"

Atsushi, Junichirou, Albatross, and Shirase were all at Albatross’s house, decorating for the party tomorrow, though Atsushi seemed to be doing the majority of the work.

"If it's so easy, why don't you help?"

"I'm needed on the ground, obviously." He called out, now staring up at Atsushi.

"Atsushi’s right, Tross." Shirase said, walking into the room with several bottles of beer in his arms. "You gotta make up for Chuu and Yuan not being here. "

"It's not my fault they're off on a date!" Albatross protested.

"Wait, Nakahara and Yuan are dating?" Atsushi asked, hopping off the chair.

"They're not." Junichirou added, grabbing the box of thumbtacks he left on the ground. "Tross just loves saying that because he's bitter about Chuuya."

"I feel like I've missed a couple of chapters."

"And no one needs to fill him in!" Albatross frowned.

"He's had a one sided crush for the past year on Chuuya." Shirase whisper-yelled. "We keep telling him to go for it but he's convinced Chuu has eyes for Yuan."

"Let's change the subject!" Albatross clapped his hands. "You dating anyone here yet Atsushi?"

Atsushi made a face. "No."

"Now that I think about it, Lucy's been giving you some looks." Junichirou spoke.

"What?? Lucy??"

Lucy Montgomery was on the football team with Yuan, Kyouka, and Higuchi, and Atsushi had spoken to her probably around four times. He barely knew anything about her, let alone that she may potentially like him. 

"Yeah, Lucy." Shirase scoffed. "You not like her or something?"

"He's probably saving himself for Akutagawa." Albatross joked, though Atsushi wasn't fully sure if it was one.

"Don't be ridiculous." 

"Why not? You could have an enemies to lovers thing like Poe and Ranpo."

"Did Poe make fun of Ranpo for months and treat him like shit?"

Junichirou cleared his throat. "Well actually it was more like Ranpo making fun of Poe-"

"That's not the point, June!" Atsushi frowned. "It doesn’t matter.. It's not like he's even coming here tomorrow anyway.”

-

Akutagawa stared at his reflection in his bathroom mirror for at least ten minutes longer than was socially acceptable. 

He ran his fingers through his hair, overanalyzing everything about how he looked, the white dyed tips of his hair, the grey of his eyes, how thin his eyebrows looked. Over analyzing himself wasn’t a new thing by any means. If anything, it helped ground him.

Gin was staying over at Higuchi’s dorm for the night, and so Akutagawa was left to prepare all alone. He usually wouldn’t mind, but his nerves were eating him alive.

This whole thing was idiotic in and of itself. Akutagawa had never been to a party before, and his expectations were skewed to say the least. Hell, he had never even drank alcohol before. He was probably the most antisocial person alive, and it wasn’t a secret to anyone.

He had adamantly refused to accompany Tachihara until the last possible second, and that was mostly due to Gin’s intervention. And by ‘intervention’, they had threatened to tell their foster parents about Akutagawa’s uninviting behaviour- a last resort, according to Gin.

He knew that Gin was just trying to look out for him, but he wasn’t used to it. Akutagawa was always the one to take care of Gin, and the other way round felt fifty different kinds of wrong. They told him that they both were out of the bad situations now, and that Akutagawa didn’t need to constantly have his guard up anymore.

The trouble was, letting his guard down was easier said than done. And Akutagawa was scared in a way. If he let himself relax, he would become a person he himself was entirely unfamiliar with, and if he didn’t know himself, he didn’t know anything. 

After picking apart his appearance in the mirror for another five minutes, he moved onto his and Gin’s shared wardrobe, which was almost entirely black. What would he even wear? What would he even do? Why did he even care?

He settled on a black button up shirt, black trousers and a white tie, and shrugged on a beige coat. 

He knew that people didn’t like him all too much. He was certain of it. This was his first real effort at being in any way social, and it was mostly because of Tachihara. Akutagawa knew the rumours about him, the endless speculation. 

Whatever. He could always leave if he really hated it, right?

-

Tachihara told him that he’d find him at the party, and so Akutagawa drove up to Albatross’s house alone, parking inside the two pretentiously expensive double gates. He resented people with that level of wealth more than anything, but he decided to ignore it for the night, for his own sanity more than anything else. 

Just for one night.

Though that proved to be more difficult than anticipated when the door opened on Akutagawa to reveal Tanizaki, already drunk or possibly high, accompanied by aggressive house music.

The redhead looked more confused than anything, and Akutagawa was starting to wonder if this was an invite only sort of thing.

“Akutagawa!” He said, surprised. “I had no idea you were coming! Come on in, it’s freezing outside.”

Junichirou ushered Akutagawa inside, with the two of them now being surrounded by the chaotic atmosphere. 

“Do you want a drink?” Tanizaki called out over the music.

“Alright.” Akutagawa agreed. It’s not like he was being offered drugs or something that extreme. He was seventeen years old, he could handle alcohol. It wouldn’t be how it was with his parents- Akutagawa was sure he could control himself. 

Junichirou presented him with some kind of beer, after which Akutagawa thanked him stiffly. He saw a red and white straw on the kitchen counter, and plopped it in the glass rim of the bottle, taking a deep sip. 

Alcohol was disgusting. Why did anyone do this?

Akutagawa had no idea where Tachihara was, or if he was even here at all. He found the whole ordeal to be strange; he recognised the faces, but didn’t know anyone well enough to talk to them.

Was he just that unapproachable? Or did they hate him that much?

Akutagawa took another sip from the disgusting beverage in his hand. If alcohol did what he heard it did, it would take a lot more drinks for him to get through the night.

-

Atsushi wasn’t always the most sociable person, in the sense that he had absolutely no idea what to do at parties. He had been to a couple at his previous school, but he was always clueless as to who to talk to, what to do with his hands, where he should be.

Whenever Atsushi usually went to parties, he would hang around outside with the smokers, despite not smoking himself. It was an excuse to break away from the crowds, to get a breath of fresh air, to just exist. 

He found himself in Albatross’s back garden, sitting down alone on a lawn chair. The evening air felt nice against his face. Atsushi sat there undisturbed until a frantic looking Tachihara ran over to him.

“Have you seen Akutagawa?” he panted.

“No.” Atsushi stated plainly. “Why would I?”

Tachihara paused, as if the answer was obvious. It wasn’t to Atsushi, and he didn’t get the chance to question it.

“This is his first party, and I haven’t been able to find him. I’ll check inside again.”  

And with that, Atsushi was left outside alone again, with nothing to accompany him but his own thoughts. Atsushi gulped in lungfuls of oxygen, already feeling the effects of the vodka he had been drinking running through his veins. 

Maybe he should give Akutagawa some space after all. Maybe Atsushi needed space too. He seemed to be in a constant state of hating Akutagawa to wanting to be around him to hating him again. 

Things used to be so black and white in his old school. There were his two friends, his aunt, and his grandparents. Those were the people he loved and cared about. Then there were the bullies, the tormentors, the people out to get him. The line between love and hate was so set in stone, Atsushi’s feelings towards people never felt complex in the slightest.

That is until Akutagawa came along. 

Atsushi was so lost in thought, he failed to notice the girl sitting down next to him, staring at him with her green-blue eyes.

-

I can’t feel pain. 

Akutagawa was shocked at his new revelation, but the shock itself manifested as a fit of giggling. His senses were so distorted, it felt like his skin was numb to any outside interference. He bit down on his lip hard. Still nothing. 

He had resigned to sitting in a corner, pulling his knees up to his chin and fiddling with a damp paper straw, bending it back and forth until the colour started to fade. 

A familiar voice snapped him out of his daze, and he looked up to meet Tachihara’s face.

“Akutagawa? You okay man?”

The boy in question nodded sloppily before getting to his feet. The world swooped around him.

“I’m peachy.” He smiled.

This feels weird.

I shouldn’t be smiling.

I should be serious.

Akutagawa dropped the smile.

“You must be drunk.” Tachihara smiled. “In the fourteen months we’ve been going to the same school, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.” 

“Probably the last too.” Akutagawa hiccuped. “I feel sick.”

Tachihara’s expression changed in a millisecond. “Let’s get you to the bathroom.”

Unfortunately, every bathroom in that massive house was occupied, and had lines stretching out of them. 

“I’m gonna puke.” He mumbled.

“Uhh.” Tachihara stalled, trying to find a solution. “You can puke in Tross’s bushes, just don’t make it too obvious.”

Akutagawa nodded, walking down the stairs and out the patio door, before pausing. He took in the scene around him, trying to block out the blaring music behind them. 

Atsushi was talking to Lucy Montgomery through a cloud of smoke, the sunset hitting both of their faces and bathing them in gold. Lucy must have said something funny based on the smile shining through Atsushi’s lips.

Akutagawa couldn’t look away.

He was definitely drunk.

“No bushes.” He protested. 

“Aku, I hate saying this but it’d be better to get it out then keep it in-” Tachihara began, but Akutagawa just walked back inside.

“Akutagawa?” Atsushi called out, causing the boy in question to stop dead in his tracks.

Out of the corner of his eye, Akutagawa saw Tachihara gesture to Lucy to follow him inside, and to leave the two boys to talk. It would take Akutagawa a long time to figure out why he did that.

Atsushi repeated his name, gesturing himself to come over. Atsushi’s voice was softer than Akutagawa remembered it being before, but there was a good chance that it was just the alcohol. He had cleared five bottles in a relatively short time, after all. 

Why am I so awkward?

Play it cool, Ryuunosuke. 

“Na-ka-ji-ma.” Akutagawa sounded out slowly. “What?” 

Atsushi laughed dryly. “You called me by my actual name. You must be drunk.”

“Mmnot.” He mumbled in response. 

“I thought you weren’t coming.”

“Why,” Akutagawa hiccuped, “do you think of me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like some weird freak that just hates people.”

“I don’t think of you like that at all, Akutagawa.”

“You make me so mad…and I don’t even know why.”

Atsushi blinked at Akutagawa before taking another sip of his own drink. 

“I still hold that offer, you know. At least I think I do.” He said after a while.

“Offer?”

“Of us being friends. Of course, you’d kinda have to stop hating me first.”

“Why should I?” 

Atsushi froze in place, heart beating loud enough that he could hear it in the already crowded atmosphere. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t give Akutagawa a reason. 

“You look weird.” Akutagawa said, breaking the silence.

“Thanks.”

“I think it’s a good weird though.”

“I could say the same for you.” Atsushi added.

“Why?” Akutagawa asked, confused.

“You really confuse me, you know that, Ryuunosuke?”

Akutagawa was taken aback by the use of his first name, but for some strange reason, in this instance, he didn’t mind it. 

“Uh huh.” He mumbled. 

And with that, Akutagawa puked all over the patio.