Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jayce silently sat there, pondering to himself. His fingers pushed against his temples, rubbing as if he could coax his brain to think faster, think better. Asking if it was worth it - really worth it. Will this opportunity come again...? Will something at least like it?

...No. No it wouldn't - he had to do this. Had to at least attempt to, had to at least make a valiant effort, be able to tell his mother that he tried.

He picked up his laptop again off the coffee table - the one he had put down with a sigh as soon as he read the email. The email from a person he had least expected. How did he even get his email address?

He reread the email, put the laptop back down, got up off his couch and paced around his apartment a few times - then sat back down, reread the email (again), got off his couch (again), but this time went into his kitchen to grab one of the cheap flavored canned martinis out of the half drank six pack in his fridge. He sat back down, popped open the can quickly and took a quick drink, grimacing (nobody drank the canned ones willingly unless they were pinching a dime).

He reread the email, fought the urge to again abandon his couch, and made a sigh that was wet with emotion. How did he even respond to this?

He hadn't spoken to him in six years. As far as Jayce knew, they were over. One of them made their choice, and it certainly wasn't Jayce.

But the email was desperate. Pleading. Something Jayce knew his ex-partner didn't do, at least not willingly. He must've been so embarrassed...mortified, even. Jayce couldn't help but smirk at that - quickly pushing down the feeling, guilt overtaking him but he pushed that aside too. No, he must be...neutral.

He picked up the laptop again for the...how many times now? Rereading the email for the final time...

'FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: Require Your Asistance

Greetings, Dr. Talis,

Apologies for the sudden email. I require your assistance immensely. There are too many details to be able to share over email, if you would please join me at the Academy to discuss, I would greatly appreciate it.

If you would prefer to meet elsewhere, reply back with where and I will join you. If it's an establishment with food or drink, I will pay.

If this email is left unanswered for 48 hours I will assume the answer is no and will not contact you again.

Thank you,
Viktor, PhD
Professor of Technology and Engineering at the Academy'

Jayce tapped his fingers nervously on the edge of his laptop. The subject line was misspelled. Viktor would never let a typo evade him. To anyone else, they would think he was looking into it too much. To Jayce, that told him this was important. Viktor never let his nervousness show.

Jayce began typing a response.

'FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: RE: Require your Asistance

Dear Professor Viktor,

I will be there tomorrow. Attach your schedule. I'll meet during your planning hours.

Jayce'

...

Viktor sat blankly. His laptop had made a chime a few minutes ago. He expected it to be an email from a student, or a professor, or the Academy newsletter he never reads.

He sat instead, staring at the screen of the response he never thought he'd get. He showed no emotion on his face, felt nothing internally. He ignored the small, tiny, locked away part of him that wanted to scream, thrash around, throw something. No, he chose to feel nothing.

He took a deep collecting breath, and hit the reply button, rushing to attach a copy of his schedule and hitting send. He minimized the email tab, briefly considered working before shaking his head and closing his laptop.

Six years. Viktor wondered what he looked like now. Did he still have that tiny gap in his teeth? Did he still have that neat hair? Did he still spend a few minutes on it every morning?

He took a deep breath, pushing those thoughts away with a force. It wasn't important. He had a mission. He looked around at his messy office. His curtains were drawn. It was dark in his office despite the light outside - things were strewn on his desk, some of it had fallen on the floor. He'd need to tidy up before Jayce came here tomorrow. His brain immediately complained, he was tired. Exhausted.

He'd do it tomorrow, before Jayce got here. He rested his head on his arm. His palm playing with his hair. Fidgeting...he never used to do that. That was always...a Jayce thing.

He felt exhausted, pretty sure he was getting a migraine. It was the morning, but he held no classes today. He took the week off. How could he work like this? Knowing he was...

He got up, grabbing his crutch and awkwardly shuffling over to the couch in his office, the one he had asked for from Heimerdinger, ever since his illness had gotten worse. He melted onto it, sighing as his muscles stretched, reducing some of the ache deep inside him, it becoming instead a throb in his joints.

Viktor's head touched the pillow, and like that he was out. He should've expected it honestly, he'd been awake for...two days? Tirelessly working on the project he'd just gotten back, the project he was having to give away, out of his pleading desperate fingers. Another part deep inside of him wanting to clutch this, this one thing he could keep to himself forever, he wanted to email Jayce back, tell him never mind. Keep working on the project in the hopes that he'd be able to finish it in time.

He knew he wouldn't.

As he drifted into a deep sleep, his brain calmed down for the first time. He always forgot the comfort of sleeping - would do it more often if he wasn't a workaholic - or wasn't embarrassed about going to sleep at 11 in the morning. He didn't know when he'd wake.

A small, tiny part of him inside - different from the other tiny parts of him he hid, hoped he didn't. Hoped this was the last sleep, the deep eternal forever slumber.

He didn't push this one away.

...

Jayce drove silently on the highway. He'd just pulled out of a gas station, getting a cheap shitty coffee. He'd just barely gotten any sleep last night, too busy overthinking the next day. When the next day became that day, he forced himself to shut off and sleep.

He only slept about four hours, and now he was trying to focus on driving. He didn't drive much anymore and the Academy was three hours away. Usually he'd be listening to music or a podcast or an audio book on the way there, but he could barely hear any of it over his own thoughts. The silence was deafening however. Ironic.

As a person cut him off and he mumbled a few curses and insults under his breath, his car started ringing, startling him and almost making him swerve. He looked at the caller ID. His mom.

He answered it immediately.

" Jayce, ¿adónde vas tan temprano por la mañana?" His mother asked, not accusingly. Shit, he forgot to turn off his location...one would wonder why a 35 year old man would still have Life360 with his mother. They wouldn't know that Jayce had asked for it - to calm the worries of his mother being so far away.
"Ah... mamá, no sabía que seguías despierta... son las 8 de la mañana," he awkwardly said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. He forgot to tell his mom what he was doing...he'd never hear the end of it if he told her, he was a mama's boy though. He couldn't lie to her.

"Mamá. Promete no asustarte." He spoke.
"¿¡Estás en problemas!? ¿¡Qué hiciste!?" She immediately asked, fuck why'd he phrase it like that? He coughed anxiously.

"No, no uhm, voy a la Academy." He mumbled.
"¿Por qué estás...?"
"Me voy a reunir con Viktor." He finally choked out.

His mom was silent for a moment but he heard the almost silent gasp she made over the phone. He didn't comment on it. He instead braced himself for the inevitable lecture he was going to get.

"Jayce," she said, and it was in the most loving tone, immediately making him melt, immediately stopping him from 'bracing for it'. Anxiety left his body, even if just for a moment. It was just him and his mother. He could be vulnerable, he had to remind himself that. "You must be anxious." She said, the swap to English not surprising.

Talks of Viktor were almost always in English. Why? He didn't know. Maybe it was a silent invitation - in case he could hear, even if he wasn't there.

"Mamá, you have no idea." He admitted, a dry chuckle choking out of him, ugly and vulnerable. It was true - six years of zero contact, and they didn't leave on the best of terms, an understatement of the century. Last time they spoke was the ugliest conversation they had ever had. The words Viktor said...and the words Jayce had said back. Jayce didn't know he could have even said such things.

"Mijo... Mijo, I need you to promise me something." His mother finally said after a few suffocating seconds of silence. He cleared his throat before making a tiny 'yes mamá?'

"You need to apologize to him."

He almost hit the breaks in the middle of the highway.

"What!?" He didn't yell or shout but the volume in his voice certainly rose. He took a second to calm down, not wanting his mother to think he was mad or raising his voice at her. No, he just was...shocked. "Má, we haven't spoken in six years. How do you know that's what he even wants? How do you even expect me to...bring 'it' up? How-"

"Jayce, baby, I'm not saying you need to immediately-"

"What if he doesn't apologize to me?" He said, hating the slight venom in his voice.

"Jayce-"

"What if-"

"Jayce Talis." She said firmly, immediately causing the words to get stuck in his throat. The full name made him get that familiar feeling when he was in trouble - a weird feeling to still get in his mid 30s but he would still dare never cross his mother. She could ground him and he wouldn't fight it, even if she never would - she wasn't a helicopter mom. Something he always appreciated.

"Jayce - I taught you to be a kind, responsible man. Whether he apologizes to you or not does not matter. You know that." He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel anxiously. Here it was - the lecture, and usually his mother was the right one in these lectures. She was definitely right on this one. "You do not need to apologize immediately, but you need to apologize. At the very least while you're there. You can even tell him I asked you too."

"Wouldn't that damp the meaning of it?"

"If you need someone to blame I'm willing to take it." He huffed. He knew if he did apologize he'd never tell Viktor his mom practically grabbed him by the ears and made him. Not only would it possibly make the apology less meaningful, but it would be embarrassing.

He tried not to think about how the Viktor he knew before the fall out would never let him live it down. Would joke about it at every opportunity...

"Mijo. You need to promise me." There was something in her voice, something that tugged at his chest. He sighed and sank down a little in his seat.

"Yes, má, I promise." He was glad she couldn't see his face.

"That's my boy." She said, a lilt in her voice telling him this made her excited. He said his love you's and goodbye's before hanging up.

This meeting just became a lot more difficult.

...

Jayce arrived at the Academy. It was just the same as he left it. Older, but no less extravagant. He hoped he didn't run into anyone he knew, choosing instead to quickly rush down the hall. The only person he had spoken to was the receptionist, asking where a 'Professor Viktor's' office was. Thankfully the receptionist didn't recognize him.

He approached the grand, dark wooden door with golden handles. A golden name plate next to it with Viktor's name, and another golden plate under it listing his office and planning hours. Jayce was right on time.

He hovered his hand over the door. Anxiety pounding in his ears. He stayed like that for 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds...a minute. He quickly took over his brain and knocked, immediately making a gasp and putting his hand down. Shit.

He was about to see Viktor for the first time in six years. He had zero idea as to how that didn't hit him until now. Jayce just agreed to see a man he swore he hated, running to Viktor at his first request. Jayce took a deep, shuddering breath. He wish he took his anti-anxiety medication. Fuck.

What did Viktor even need? What did he want? What were they gonna talk about? Was he mad? What was Jayce going to even say-

He heard a creak interrupting his spiral momentarily, a bed spring? Couch spring? A deep, slightly agonized sigh. Slow steps.

The familiar clack of his cane. It made a weight rest on his chest.

He didn't know he missed that noise.

He heard the jangle of the door knob creaking and saw it move. Suddenly, he felt nauseous. He fought back the urge to hurl, anxiety exploding in him. He couldn't have a panic attack right now. He couldn't. He wanted to run, he suddenly felt...cornered.

The door swung open.

'Holy shit,' was Jayce's first thought. The person staring at him. He looked the same but so, so different. They were both silent, staring at eachother. Viktor had only opened the door a crack, the office behind him dark. He looked like...had he just woken up? His hair was touseled in that familiar way, like when Jayce had woken him up from-

'Shut up' he thought to himself. His eyes drifted to Viktor's...heavy eye bags. Somehow worse than before. He was...paler. Thinner. More...

He gulped.

He looked sicker. And what he thought was his cane was now...a crutch.

The silence only lasted a few seconds, all these thoughts only lasting one second. And yet the unspoken words suffocated him. He again fought back his panic attack.

"Dr. Talis." Viktor spoke first. Jayce ignored how he didn't say his name.
"Professor." Jayce responded. He also didn't say his name. Both to avoid it, and also to maliciously comply. He bit that urge back immediately. He couldn't fall back into how they left it.

"Uhm, give me a, er- Give me a moment." Viktor mumbled, Jayce nodded tensely. Viktor closed the door, and heard him struggle with the crutch. Struggle.

Things were being shoved around, he heard a trash can open and close repeatedly. A curtain open. Jayce fidgeted with his hands outside the door.

When it opened again, the door fully opened. Despite what was Viktors obvious attempt to tidy up a little, the office was still disorganized. Messy.

"Come in," Viktor motioned tensely, turning around and walking over to his desk, resting his crutch next to him and sitting down slowly. Jayce followed after him, taking in the office.

The place was covered in plants, wilting. All in desperate need of a trim and water. Various papers littered Viktor's desk. A dusty couch sat against the wall, with blankets thrown all over it. A soft dent in the cushion still there.

Viktor was sleeping there, Jayce put the pieces together. The hard wooden floors in desperate need of a sweep groaned under his feet.

"I.. apologize for the lack of cleanliness. I'll admit I've been busy. I planned on tidying up before your arrival - but er...plans changed." Viktor spoke, his tone a weird mix of tenseness and politeness.

Jayce sat down in one of the chairs sitting opposite of Viktor's desk, his hands resting on his knees, messing with the fabric of his pants nervously. His chest was still tight, still fighting the panic of being face to face with the man he swore he'd never speak to again.

"Well, I guess let's just get into why I asked you here. I know you're probably a busy man," Viktor spoke, Jayce couldn't understand how he seemed so calm right now. Clearly he was at least nervous, Jayce always had the skills to read Viktor that other's didn't have. But even more clearly, Viktor was better at hiding his feelings then Jayce. Viktor could probably read him like an open book right now.

"I'm working on a project. It's a project we both started and never finished when we were partners." Viktor spoke, methodically, almost like a doctor. He spoke as if he didn't just drop an atomic bomb in the middle of the conversation. He couldn't mean-

"This project is important to me. I have full assurance that it's important to you too. Or at the very least was." Viktor continued, Jayce hoped he couldn't see the panic and other mix of emotions on his face though he knew that it was futile.

Viktor took a deep breath in. Jayce knew he was about to get hit with something. There was very few reasons that Viktor would break their code of silence to eachother over a project. He just hoped it wasn't...

"I'm leaving the project to you in my will."

.
.
.
"Wh-"
"I need you to sign the papers of transition-"
"-Viktor wait-"
"-It'll only take a few minutes, the keys to the lab will be given to you as well. I've already had everything arranged-"
"-Viktor-"
"-You can choose to either work here or if you want I can arrange to have things delivered to you at home-"
"VIKTOR." Jayce suddenly couldn't handle it anymore. The tightness in his chest so strained he felt his heart would explode out of him like the tenseness in a mouse trap. Viktor jumped just a little, but stopped talking, looking at Jayce as if he were just another diplomat or professor or co-worker he was meeting with.

"Yes, Dr. Talis?" He waited for him to speak. Viktor still didn't say his name.
"Wh...what do you mean in your will?" Jayce looked at him, the rest of the question going unsaid. He couldn't dare say it. He knew the solemn truth hung in the air. If he was bringing up his will now, how much time did he have left?

"Exactly what it means Dr Talis. The patent, research, materials...it's going to be inherited by you in the will." Viktor kept the blank neutral look on his face, as if he was just reciting a simple fact to Jayce. As if he was just saying 'the sky is blue.'

Two facts jumped into Jayce's brain at the same time, and he had to stop himself from hurling sick all over himself. Not out of disgust, but out of pure unadulterated anxiety.

One, Viktor wanted to include him at all in the will. His full legal name was on there. Viktor had, at some point, gone through the legal process to make sure he was included in it.

Two...

He didn't even want to think about it, but he had to. He had to ask.

"Professor..." Jayce spoke, trying to maintain some shred of dignity after shouting his ex-partners name in his office. Some of the first words to him in years. "I-...How much...time?-"

"Unimportant." Viktor interrupted. That familiar edge, familiar tenseness showing for only a milisecond on his face though Jayce would never miss it even if he were miles away. Viktor pulled out a manilla folder out of a drawer in his desk. Jayce could read the 'End of Life Plans' title, though Viktor wasn't trying to show it off.

Jayce didn't even have time to process that before Viktor cleared his throat and pulled out a few papers.

"This is a copy of your part of the will, just so you know what you're going to recieve. There's also a copy of the patent in there until you recieve the actual one." He handed the papers to Jayce, Jayce eyed over the will.

His eyes read the list of things he was going to recieve, not believing one of the items until he read it more than once.

"Wait- Vik- Professor. It says you're giving me...why are you giving me $50,000?" He couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth right now.

"To continue the research." Viktor stated plainly. The sky is blue. He suddenly shifted in his chair, his voice lowering into something...vulnerable.

"Jayce." Jayce sat up straight. The first time he'd said his name. The first time he said it to Jayce in six years. "You will continue the project, correct?"

Jayce sat there, frozen. Looking into the eyes of the man who years ago he couldn't even think about without wanting to punch a hole in the wall. The eyes of the man who a few weeks ago Jayce would not expect to ever speak to again.

"I-..." Jayce began. The words caught in his throat.

He was still cruel enough to say no. He was still angry enough to say no. He wanted to say no. A massive, overpowering part of him screamed at him to say no. All he had to do was say no, and leave. He could go back to ignoring every little reminder of him. Settle back into his life hours away in a quiet rural town. Do his own research in his small apartment. Tinker.

"Yes."

Jayce didn't know why he did that.

...

Viktor woke up with a stir. A big, gentle hand shaking his shoulder. There was a weird wetness coming out of his mouth. His dull, sleepy synapses firing to make him realize it was drool. He looked at where the trail led to...all over his notes. Embarrassing.

His synapses fired again. Oh, someone had woken him up... He looked at whoever shook him, getting ready to chew into them about touching him when his golden eyes met amber. Jayce Talis. He quickly glanced away.

"Mr Talis..." Viktor said politely. For some reason not understood to him, he couldn't chew him out, at least not right now. Maybe it was the embarrassment of being found in the labs crashed out on his notes with a puddle of drool underneath him. He awkwardly took a tissue and cleaned himself up, avoiding looking at Jayce.

"Mr...?" Jayce began, not knowing what to call him.
"Viktor. It's just Viktor."
"Just Viktor?" Jayce looked at him questioningly.
"Yes. Did you need anything?" He finally met his eyes...well, his eyebrows. A trick he learned from years and years of experience. If he was too scared to meet someones eye's, he'd just study their eyebrows. The eye contact would be close enough for most people not to notice he wasn't actually meeting their eyes, and he at least would still look confident, professional. All the things he needed to be.

"No, I just noticed you'd fallen asleep...I've been there haha, didn't want you waking up with a neck cramp..." Jayce awkwardly explained, shuffling his hands nervously at his sides. Viktor glanced away for a second.

"You're Professor Heimerdinger's assistant right?" Jayce asked, trying to make conversation Viktor didn't really want to have.
"Yes." He hoped his one word response would communicate that, but the kid just kept going.
"Oh, that's really cool...most students don't even get an opportunity to be an assistants assistant." Jayce joked lightheartedly. Viktor just tried to remain polite, but on guard. He didn't really know Jayce, and most of his peers had already included him in the rumor mill. He at least had hope college students weren't privy to that, but he was proven sorely wrong. Viktor was just waiting for Jayce to ask if he sucked any dick to get into his position. As most of his peers believed.

"...Is this your first year?" Jayce asked. Viktor nodded.
"Oh, so you're 18?" Jayce assumed. Viktor nodded, again, not offering much for conversation.
"Me too!" Jayce said, smiling. Viktor tried to figure out if it was genuine. "Most people don't even start their third years here. It's really cool to meet someone else just starting college here...everyone else is so much older than me." And it was true. It was rare to find anyone starting their college careers here. The Academy had a reputation for being the most difficult school to get into. Most people started at different colleges that were still impressive, but not the Academy. Hoping to get their test scores and grades up enough to meet the Academy standards. You'd have to have a completely clean track record in high school to even be considered.

This didn't help Viktor's rumors. He was from Zaun, went to one of the poorest schools in the city, barely had a chance at an education. Not to mention he was homeless and parentless by 9. His chances at getting into the Academy were slim to none. But he did it.

Jayce must have worked hard too. But he was from Piltover. Not as wealthy as some of the other students attending - but comfortable. Able to spend in excess without worry, while still needing to find a job. So when Jayce in this conversation had given Viktor his phone number, and asked if he wanted to study some time, Viktor almost deleted it from his phone immediately and went about his day.

He had no time for study dates with someone who was probably just trying to befriend him to see if any of the rumors held weight. Who was probably hanging out with his group of piltie friends, spilling 'the tea' on every little awkward mannerism he did. He'd probably hear whispers about how that 'one assistant from Zaun was found passed out in the labs! he was drooling on his book!' accompanied by giggles and stares. How immature.

And yet, he was curious. For one of the most popular students at the Academy, Jayce didn't hold that same pre-judgemental look in his eyes like everyone else did. Didn't look at Viktor like he was gum on his shoes, didn't speak to him with that weird tone everyone else did where they were trying to be nice, he was the assistant to the Dean of the school after all, but clearly didn't like him.

He was stuck between thinking about just ignoring the number in his phone - one of his first contacts that wasn't just Heimerdinger or other various school staff - or deleting it, blocking it even. Texting him first was out of the question. He kept debating it the whole day, when eventually his question was answered.

Viktor was sitting at his small little desk, right outside Heimerdinger's office, grading some papers for him. His phone buzzed, and he glanced at it. He expected it to be Heimerdinger or maybe even a different professor, but the contact name 'Jayce Talis :)' popped up on his screen.

He sort of half smiled at the fact that Jayce put a smiley face next to his name, and unlocked his phone to read the message.

'Jayce Talis :)// hey Viktor! it was nice meeting you today. you're an engineering major right?'

Viktor cocked his head a little as he read the message, resting his chin on his palm before typing a response.

'Viktor//It was nice meeting you too, Jayce. Yes, I am an engineering major.'

He put the phone down, continuing grading papers before getting a response shockingly fast. He picked it back up again to read the response.

'Jayce Talis :)//i thought so!! im in engineering as well. do you have Wiring Schematics with prof. hd?'
'Viktor//hd? Is that short for Heimerdinger?'
'Jayce Talis :)//yea!'
'Viktor//Yes, I do.'
'Jayce Talis :)//oh awesome! i know you're an assistant and probably really busy but do you have any free time? im ngl im kind of struggling in his class, and you seem really smart haha'

This compliment, for some reason, caused Viktor to feel a small amount of warmth spread up his cheeks. Nethertheless, he struggled. A lot of him still didn't know if Jayce truly wanted to be near Viktor, or if this was maybe even some elaborate prank.

That didn't stop him from typing yes however, nor did it stop him from making plans.

Viktor had no idea that this small gesture of kindness, of helping one of his peers study for class, would change the next 20 years of his life.

Chapter Text

Jayce didn't know what to tell his mom. He was driving on the way back, a stack of papers in his passenger seat. His mom had called at least 3 times since noticing he had left the Academy, and every time he had let it ring to voicemail. She was calling now actually, his generic car ringtone echoing obnoxiously loud in his ears. He was frozen in his seat, only able to drive. Blood was audibly pumping in his ears and he was currently losing his battle against a panic attack. The ringtone didn't help, but he couldn't even move his hand to turn it down.

He felt super glued in his seat. A walking corpse with rigor mortis, only able to move a small amount.

"YOU HAVE - five - NEW VOICEMAILS FROM - Mom" his car awkwardly spoke.

Instead of listening to the voice messages, or calling his mom back, or even sending her a quick text, he instead pulled off to the side of the highway. He quickly went to unbuckle his seatbelt, realizing that he forgot to even put it on. Slamming his car door open, he pushed himself out of the car and immediately threw up what very little he had in his stomach on the side of the road. He couldn't even make it to the grass.

He panted, leaning up against his car, his head spinning. The entire conversation, the entire meeting finally setting in, causing his brain to unspool. His heartbeat was rapidly increasing, enough for him to hear it, feel it shaking in his chest. He couldn't hear. He couldn't feel.

Hyperventilating, he heard the car begin to ring again. He choked out a cry. He needed his mamá. He could explain everything later, right now, Jayce just needed her.

He picked up his phone from the cup holder, trying his best not to pass out as he crawled up a little to reach for it. He disconnected it quickly from the Bluetooth, and then answered.

"Jayce! ¿Por qué está estacionado a un lado de la carretera? ¿Por qué no contestas el teléfono? ¿Qué pasó?" She immediately spoke as soon as he picked up. Jayce's brain couldn't even scrounge up an answer, causing him to make a small, breathless choking sob into the phone. His mom immediately understood.

"I'll come get you. ¿Tienes tu medicamento?" She asked. He managed to say no.

"I'll bring one of the extras I have here. Stay where you are mijo. I'll be there soon."

The phone hung up, and Jayce immediately dropped it. His brain wouldn't stop repeating "Viktor is dying. Viktor is dying. Viktor is dying."

True to her word, an hour later she pulled up to him on the side of the road. By that time it was dark out, and Jayce was shivering, still sitting and leaning against his open car door. He was still in the throes of what seemed to be rolling panic attacks, in the lull between what was probably his seventh panic attack and his eighth. Still breathing heavily, his heart barely having a break, and despite it being cold outside he was sweating through his clothes. He barely noticed his mother run up next to him. She crouched down in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders.

"Oh, dios mío, what happened to you my love?" She cupped Jayce's cheek, getting him to look at her. His face contorted into one of absolute sorrow as he hugged his mother, slotting his face in between her neck and shoulder blade as if he was still a young boy.

"Mamá..." He took a deep breath, steadying himself, finding it a little easier to talk now that he was in the arms of his mother. "...Can I sleep at your house tonight?" He asked, knowing that the question was null, this was one of the worst panic attacks he's had in ages. He was surprised his mom hadn't gained the motherly adrenaline to pick him up and put him in her car herself.

"You need not ask my love, I was going to make you whether you wanted to or not." She huffed light heartedly, causing a strained smile to come out of Jayce. She rubbed the back of his head for a second before pulling away.

She pulled a pill bottle with Jayce's name on it and a disposable water bottle out of her purse, opening the pill bottle and pulling out a pill meticulously. She opened the water bottle carefully, and then handed them to her son. He took the hydroxyzine and gulped almost half the water bottle in rapid succession, not realizing how parched he was.

After putting the water bottle down, he sighed. His mother was looking at him with the most concern he's seen on her face in years. Six years, as a matter of fact...a lot of things that had happened today could be attributed to six years ago. The fact that this moment was one of them almost made him throw up the antihistamine he just took.

"I won't ask you what happened, mijo. Not yet. We can discuss it later, okay?" She rubbed his shoulders and he nodded. "Are you going to be okay to drive or do we need to park your car somewhere?"

"I can...I should be able to drive..." He responded, his voice hoarse from crying.
"Are you sure?" She looked at him sternly. He knew how strict she was when it came to driving. He could never let her find out he'd forgotten to put his seatbelt on today.

"I'll be okay, má." He got up, brushing off his pants and sighing. He put the half drank water bottle in his car, his mother handing him his phone.

"If you're sure my love." She conceded, and when he turned back around she pulled him into a gentle hug. The last bit of comfort he recieved before they both got into their cars and he began the unexpected drive to his mothers house.

He still didn't know how he was going to explain to his mother that Viktor was dying. It made him think of the promise he had made to her, that he was going to apologize - made him feel worse that he didn't. He realized then that Viktor didn't even tell him how much time he had left.

A very massive part of him was angry at Viktor for that - but he knew that after Jayce's last words to him all those years ago, he couldn't blame him. It pained him then, as he drove, that he had hurt Viktor enough that he was no longer privy to that information - that the person who he had called his best friend, his partner, didn't even want to tell him something as important - as deeply awful as that.

He choked back another sob, he probably shouldn't be driving right now but this was one of the reasons he didn't let his mother drive. He didn't want her to see him break down this bad, no matter how many times she had seen him do this. As he felt hot stinging tears fall down his face, slowly reaching the bottom of his chin and dripping into his lap, he conceded.

He did need to apologize. No matter what. It didn't matter if Viktor apologized to him, it didn't matter if Viktor never looked at him the way he did before, it didn't matter if he never got his partner back. Viktor deserved this one last thing from him, especially if Viktor was going to give him their project back.

One final, true gift.

...

Viktor sat on his couch in his apartment, trying desperately to forget that mornings events. Evening reflected through his window, the dark night sky beckoning him to his balcony.

Jayce's face had cemented itself into his head. He'd for one grown a beard. Viktor wanted to be shocked - but Viktor probably looked like a walking corpse, rotting off the bone. The slightly disheveled Jayce that had appeared at his door was nothing compared to the state Viktor knew himself to be in.

He strained against his crutch, opened the sliding door and fumbled his way out. He leaned against the railing, resting the crutch on it as well. Viktor looked out at the town. Despite his search for a small, cozy, unembellished apartment, the one he chose did manage to have a good view of the city.

He wasn't just looking at the city tonight though.

The alleyway beneath him, the joining of his apartment building and a little convenience store, tempted him. He estimated the distance between him and the ground, about 5 stories up. If he fell just right, it'd be instant...however it wasn't high enough to be instant if he didn't fall 'just right'. There were chances he fell wrong, or landed on something on the way down that cushioned his fall just right for him to maybe break a bunch of things...get a TBI...add a new list of issues to his already long, long, long list. Plus someone eventually would have to find him, and how much more horrible can he be to force someone to encounter him in that way?

Viktor already felt like a monster, but he gave himself this opportunity to at least fantasize about it for a few minutes before he got too cold on his balcony. He gave himself a lot of opportunities to fantasize about many things when he was home alone, and done with housework or grading. Opportunities he never gave himself in public, never let himself think about at work or near others. When he was alone, and distanced from the moment that triggered the want to fantasize, it was easier to remind himself that most of his fantasies were that...fantasy.

He had to input this rule because of Jayce. Most of his fantasies, Viktor had come to realize, were because of him. Fantasies of letting himself cross that line, letting himself get close. Before Jayce and Viktor stopped talking, Viktor fantasized about Jayce making his comforting touches, his smiles at Viktor, his laughter whenever Viktor said anything particularly amusing mean more than what it was. Viktor knew Jayce had only meant it in a friendly way.

Nowadays, Viktor just fantasized about them doing anything together, friend or not, as much as he wanted to be more than that.

Viktor had to try so, so hard when meeting with Jayce to not get on his knees and beg him back. He had to practically force himself to bite back saying anything personal, asking him any questions, answering any of his questions. He couldn't. Viktor had already hurt Jayce, it was a miracle that Jayce even showed. He was half convinced him showing up was so he could get back at him.

There were multiple facets to Viktor. The Viktor that knew he was mean and cruel six years ago, but agreed with everything he did ultimately. Jayce was being manipulated by big wigs, was being selfish, one-sighted.

There was the Viktor that knew he acted out of jealousy, jealous about Jayce being with Mel, jealous that Jayce was getting the brunt of the spotlight (as much as Viktor hated being in it), jealous that Jayce would even live long enough to see their work grow.

There was the Viktor that just wanted his partner back, and the more intense Viktor that would never admit the lengths he would go to do it. The Viktor that would put himself in mortifying conditions, lose all self respect just to show Jayce how much he wanted him back.

And there was the Viktor who knew he didn't deserve any of that. The Viktor who knew himself for the monster he was. The Viktor who couldn't wait for the day his sickness took him, knowing it was the ultimate punishment for his deeds. He didn't believe in a God, didn't believe in a higher power or karma, but he let himself believe that his early death was that. Was punishment for his actions, and his payment was his suffering, his life.

His payment was to never get what he wanted with Jayce, to always be reminded of him in everything he did, to have gotten so, so close and to lose it all in one day, to die an early death. Never seeing any of his work come to fruition.

Viktor sighed, turning around and leaving the balcony. He was crying, and felt selfish for it too. Why cry when this was all his own doing? Why cry when it wouldn't change anything, wouldn't get rid of the truth? And yet, he cried, unable to stop it.

He sat on his couch again, curling up into a little ball (making his hips ache as a result). This was one of the few times he felt happy to live alone. No one to see him unwind, no one to see him and feel pity or concern when there shouldn't be any. It was just him, being selfish for one minute.

The only thing interrupting him being selfish was a buzz on his phone. He wiped his face, looking at the caller ID.

'Jayce Talis :)'

He felt the couch disappear from under him, not even realizing he had fallen off the couch in an attempt to get to his phone as quickly as possible.

He stopped in his tracks. He can't be this desperate. He can't. Jayce probably doesn't even want to talk to him, it was a misdial, or maybe he called him to say he hated him and wanted nothing to do with the will.

He took a deep breath, collected himself and hit the answer button.

"Hello, this is Professor Viktor."

"Viktor, uhm- Sorry for calling. I don't know if you even have my number saved so uh, it's Jayce. Jayce Ta-"
"I still have your number saved. What can I help you with, Dr Talis?" Viktor stopped himself from lilting his voice in amusement at Jayce trying to say his full name. He kept himself neutral, calm - monotone even. He tried to ignore that it was the first time seeing Jayce's contact name on his phone in practically a decade. The smiley face almost taunting him.

"Well - I just. I wanted to talk with you. Can we meet somewhere?" Jayce's voice sounded...exasperated. As if he'd just run a mile. Viktor tried to ignore it, tried not to care.

"We're talking right now, Dr Talis." He responded, mutely. He didn't want to meet him, could barely handle himself at the meeting. His mind was too much.

"I have to speak about it in person." Jayce responded, trying to sound matter of fact. Viktor grimaced. Jayce never made things easy.

"It's 10pm, and from my understanding you are hours away. Could this not wait?" If he couldn't stop Jayce from trying to meet with him, he could at least try to delay it. Give himself some time to hold himself together. His voice expressed frustration, and really he was. Not at Jayce wanting to meet but at Jayce not letting Viktor save him from the hurt.

"I...just. V, please?"

"..." The nickname. He hadn't heard that nickname in years. "Dr Talis, I'm sorry, no." Viktor had to keep the wall up, had to keep it up no matter how much it hurt Jayce, how much it hurt him. He would only hurt Jayce more if he let him get close.

"What do you even want from me?" Jayce responded, his agitation, his anger becoming harder to hide, and Viktor sunk in the spot he was sitting in on the floor.

"I don't know what you mean, Dr Talis." And truthfully, Viktor didn't. He didn't know if he wanted to know.

"You- You emailed me, breaking the silence for the first time in six years. Six years. Made me drive all the way to the Academy, the last place we saw each other before things..." Viktor cringed, forgetting that yea, it was true. The Academy was the last place they spoke. Ironically, it was also the first. "And then you tell me that you're fucking dying! Mind you, you won't even tell me how much time you have left, and then you proceed to tell me that even after what happened, you're putting me in the will, giving me tens of thousands of dollars and giving me back the patent to our dream project. You're giving me the fucking energy project. And you're still treating me like fucking dirt."

"Dr Talis-"

"No, no don't fucking Dr Talis me." Jayce snapped over the phone. Viktor flinched. "You can't even call me my fucking name. You've called me Jayce once. And I- do you even want me to have this? Why won't you even let me meet with you? And don't say anything about the time when you and I both know you don't sleep ever."

Viktor huffed. Everything he said was true, warranted even, and Viktor knew it. It was an impossible situation. Torture. How does he not hurt Jayce? Letting him in hurt him, doing this hurt him. He shouldn't have told him he was in the will - he only did because it was the polite thing to do. Now as a result of being polite, he had to succumb himself to this torture again.

"I-" Viktor began. He sighed. Couldn't believe he was doing this. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Can you drive?" Jayce asked, his voice still dripping with anger, though it was thinning out. As mad as that question made him, he had a point. Viktor couldn't drive anymore.

"No." Viktor answered, doing his best to not let his emotions show, biting his cheek afterwards. Trying to put the energy somewhere. He was furious, angry, depressed, sad, anxious, worried, everything and anything at once. Jayce was good at that still, making Viktor emotional.

"What's your address?" Jayce asked, and Viktor immediately wanted to hang up the phone. The idea of giving out his safe space to the person that was the main reason for him needing one was terrifying. He wasn't scared of Jayce hurting him - no, but Viktor was vulnerable here. Viktor could cry here, Viktor could fantasize here.

"We are not meeting here." Viktor responded and he heard Jayce scoff lightly over the phone.

"I'm picking you up, not forcing my way into your home, Viktor. Just- text it to me."

"I can uber, Dr Talis."

"We both know you wouldn't let me pay." If this were any other situation, Viktor would laugh lightheartedly at the comment, but instead it felt like a twisting knife. Jayce still knew him, knew these things about him. Knew how to approximate his behavior.

"Alright then. I will text you my address. I'll be outside." Viktor had to get off the phone soon, he could hear his mask slipping, hear it in his voice.

"Don't stand outside until like...an hour passes. I'm at my moms, I'll be there in over an hour. I overheard you took the week off so if you don't get home til super late that's okay right?"

"Yes." Viktor tilted his head. At his mothers place? He probably heard him taking the week off from students in the hall. Maybe Heimerdinger got to him before Viktor did. The weasle.

"Okay. See you soon." Jayce hung up before Viktor could say goodbye. Viktor quickly texted Jayce his address before dropping his phone immediately on the floor.

Fuck.

...

Jayce was mad, an understatement, really. He tried to rationalize it in his head any way he could but even then he was still mad.

Viktor was the one who invited Jayce back into his life. Viktor was also the one pushing Jayce away at the same time. Viktor seriously couldn't have expected to drop a bomb of his death on Jayce like that and then expect him to just...leave, did he?

He took a deep breath. Reminded himself of his mission. Apologize. No matter how mad he found himself, he still did wrong. Maybe even, if he apologized, Viktor would be more willing to explain his thought process. Maybe even tell him how much time he had left. Jayce still found himself stuck on that particular detail.

Viktor had never told him, outright refused to. Jayce knew it wasn't immediate - Viktor wasn't in hospice or anything. At least, he didn't think so. He realized outpatient hospice was a thing so he scratched that thought entirely. All he knew was that Viktor had time - enough time to meet with Jayce and get his affairs in order. He didn't need help.

But Jayce knew Viktor didn't have enough time to not think about those things, which left the window from months to years from now. A window he wasn't comfortable living in, until it had defined borders. Jayce then realized why it bothered him so much that Viktor didn't tell him - not including the fact that Jayce was just upset that Viktor hated him enough to not tell him.

Jayce didn't know how long he had to fix this. Didn't know if he had enough time to settle things. His conversation with his mother made him realize a lot about himself.

Mainly, Jayce wanted his partner back. Even if it wasn't the same, and it never would be, he just wanted to be able to talk to him. Have him answer his questions willingly and honestly. Share in his life. Know what's happening. There were so many things new to Jayce that were old to Viktor. His crutch, for one. It was so startling to see something clearly old and well used with Viktor that Jayce had never seen before. Viktor's hair was longer, and maybe due to stress starting to grey. It settled down onto his neck now. It reminded Jayce, painfully of the fact that he was still cut off.

As he pulled up to Viktor's apartment, his anger at the start of the drive had melted into a weird, dull sadness. Something Jayce had felt forever. The aching depression swallowing him into it with force greater than even the strongest soldier alive. He took a deep breath upon seeing Viktor, eyeing him with a vicious annoyance and curiosity, before presumably realizing the look and changing it to a neutral position.

Jayce unlocked his car doors, and sat there fidgeting with the leather of his steerling wheel. Viktor walked up to the car before stopping, pondering just a moment, and Jayce could see what he was thinking about. Sitting next to him in the passenger seat, or sitting in the back?

Jayce reached over and opened the passenger side door, too annoyed to have Viktor choose what level of cruelty he was trying to torture Jayce with. Sitting in the passenger seat wouldn't bother him, in fact he'd much rather it over Viktor in the backseat.

Viktor looked slightly startled with Jayce's actions, scoffed and sat down next to him. He closed the door, put on his seatbelt and stared straight ahead, fidgeting with his hands.

Jayce used to be the fidgeter. If he wasn't planning on apologizing right now, he'd say something about it.

Jayce began driving, and Viktor suddenly turned to him, breaking the thick wall of silence slowly forming.

"Where are you even taking us?" Viktor's tone was ever so slightly cross, but not enough for Jayce to get mad about. All things considered, Viktor was handling this emotionally better than Jayce was - even if Viktor was kind of being an asshole.

"Well- I, don't know. I really was just planning to drive around and talk."

"You what?"

"I don't live here anymore, Viktor. It's not like I can take you back to my place, which I don't even want to." He rushed in that last part, a lie. Jayce knew better than to say things purposely to hurt others, but he was indeed slowly losing his patience. "Even then I talk better about these things driving. Don't ask me why, I don't know." Jayce was a bit exasperated, trying to build himself up enough to spit out the apology, while also trying not to let the anger of earliers argument overtake it (something he was failing at). Viktor just sat, visibly looking at him. Jayce wanted to stare back, look him in the eyes as he did the one thing that hadn't been done, that neither of them had even thought could be done.

But reason Jayce had these conversations better in the car was not just the fact that driving helped him keep his thoughts straight. That the monotonous act of driving kept him grounded. It also meant he didn't have to meet his partners eyes as he admitted that at least part of what happened was his fault. He felt like a coward - and it partly was cowardous - but he reasoned with himself. He had to apologize, and if this was the only way it could happen than god damn it.

"Listen-" Jayce started, breaking some of the tension again. Viktor looked away. "I. Fuck. I don't know how to start this." He sighed. Viktor glanced at him again, confusion on his face instead of the annoyance from before.

"I need to apologize to you, Viktor. I know I should have done it forever ago, it's probably too late now, and I know you'll probably never forgive me which is fine. But I shouldn't have...I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. I shouldn't have said or done those things. You telling me what you did this morning made me realize - I just. You can't die without you knowing that I'm sorry. That I fucked up, that I did things I shouldn't have done and that I regret them, I regret them so fucking much. It's...it's honestly selfish of me, for it to take this for me to apologize." He felt his face heat up, his eyes cloud, his ears fuzz. He was mortified, but he kept pushing through, even if his voice broke from the stress of holding back tears. "But you didn't...you didn't tell me when, and I guess- I don't know. It fucking sucks but it's up to you to share that with me. And I thought. I don't know I know we just started really....talking, I guess...like 24 hours ago, and it's probably too early...I just. I wanted you to hear me say it." Jayce paused, trying to think of what else to say.

"Pull over the car." Viktor said, his voice quieter than Jayce would have expected.

"What?"

"Pull over the car, please."

Jayce pulled over the car.

...

Viktor didn't know what to think.

His first thought was that Jayce was too late. But then he realized that Viktor also said and did some awful things, things he regretted with every ounce of his being, and he also hadn't apologized yet.

His second thought was much crueler. That Jayce was saying it to clear his conscious, that Jayce couldn't live with himself if he didn't apologize before Viktor died and that he was using this to get that out of the way, he didn't mean it. But Jayce, as cruel as he could be, would never be that cruel. Viktor knew that in his heart. As much as Viktor was angry at him, as much as Viktor would love to slap and yell at him - Jayce wore his heart on his sleeve. Would give the shirt off his back to anyone who asked. He was so kind it was ignorant, foolish, naive.

But then - even then, Viktor struggled to forgive. What happened between the two of them changed Viktors entire life. Made Viktor lose his passion.

Viktor struggled to forgive for another reason. How cruel would it be to let this kind, beautiful soul back into his life just to crush it again from dying?

He needed to tell him - needed him to know so he knew how useless it would be to try. Jayce needed to know that Viktor wouldn't hate him if he just left and waited to recieve the papers in the mail letting him know the project was his - letting Jayce know of his fate without words.

Jayce pulled over and struggled to look. Viktor was struggling as well. How does he follow up Jayce's apology with that?

"Viktor?" Jayce asked, and Viktor realized he'd been quiet for five minutes straight. He needed to say it.

"I..." Viktor began, and sighed, trying not to show weakness. "Do you really, truly want to know how long?" He looked at Jayce, meeting his eyes. Those beautiful eyes so full of tears from the apology that Viktor almost wanted to die right then and there.

Jayce took in a sharp breath, and ran a hand through his hair. "I mean- yea, I do, but if it's over stepping I-"

"I don't care the reason, do you want to know? Is that what you want?"

"I- Yes."

Viktor exhaled through his nose harshly, and then opened his mouth.

"I have a year, if I'm lucky. If things get worse - 6 months. I'm running off of the year estimate, but won't be shocked if it's 6 months or less even. I deteriorated really quickly. I'm stable now but who knows - the meds could stop working, the masses in my lungs could decide to grow again, many things could change between now and then." Viktor tried to seem professional, even casual. Explain it the way his doctor did to him the day he got the news. Jayce reacted as well as Viktor thought he would.

Jayce was silent, fidgeting with the steering wheel, deep in thought. He wouldn't meet Viktors eyes, wouldn't even turn his body towards him. Fully closed off, thinking about whatever someone's ex-partner and ex-bestfriend thinks about when they get the news that said ex-partner is dying, really quickly too.

"...Could things get better? Give you more time?" Jayce asked, quietly, with the saddest hope of a child learning about mortality for the first time. It made Viktor want to hug and strangle him at the same time.

"I don't know." Viktor answered, honestly. "Theoretically, yes. Maybe between then and now an experimental treatment could come out that I'd probably be one of the first in line for. Maybe they decide I can do surgery again. Maybe the meds hold it off longer than expected. But- the chances are so..." He felt like he didn't need to finish the sentence. Statistically, he was fucked. And he could feel it - feel himself getting weaker everyday.

Jayce just sat there, his face unreadable, his fingers drumming the steering wheel.

"I really am sorry." He finally said, looking as if he was going to cry again. "I really am."

Viktor felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Jayce." Viktor spoke, not even realizing he'd said his name until it came out. "I...I want to forgive you." He admitted.

Jayce finally looked at him, and it was so, so small, barely noticeable, but Viktor could see the slightest hint of hope, and it hurt him so bad to shatter it.

"We can't be what we once were." Viktor tried.

"I- I know that Viktor but-"

"Jayce, you are not understanding me. It would take forever for us to get back to the relationship we had before, and for what? I will die. It would unnecessarily hurt your feelings for you to get tangled up in me again." Viktor tried to sound clinical, tried to sound as if he were just stating facts - but he couldn't help some of the frustration leaking through. Jayce was so, so full of hope, and it was as if he had no idea how torturous this would be. "Not to mention, Jayce, that I was awful to you. I could never make up the things I did. Not in my short lifetime. You are only going to get yourself hurt."

"Viktor." Jayce said, his voice harsh, immediately stopping Viktor from continuing, his face softened though, as he continued. "I don't care what this becomes. I don't care if you forgive me, but I can't leave you alone to just...die. I want to at least just - just start talking again, please? I can move back down here for a little bit or something and just. Take you to your appointments? Help out? Just let me do that, Viktor. Please. If you never want to be my friend again that's fine but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least help."

Viktor grimaced. Jayce wasn't going to back down. He ignored his own crushing thoughts and embarrassment and decided to look at it from an analytical angle. Jayce driving him to appointments would cut back on uber costs. It would be awkward to talk to Jayce but if it made him happy it wouldn't hurt. Maybe Jayce could help him do things he simply couldn't anymore after some time passed. He ignored how making Jayce happy was a plus for him - he had spent so many years wishing to make Jayce suffer, at least lightly. He wasn't evil - just angry.

He sighed.

"Okay." Viktor agreed, reluctantly.

"Okay." Jayce responded. He looked at the time. "Uhm, it's 2 am. I should probably take you home."

"Are you sure you can drive this late? You look tired." Viktor asked, trying to ignore (again, yet failing) why all of a sudden he was so concerned.

"I should be fine. I can probably get a hotel or something if I'm too tired to go home...Mom would kill me though." Jayce made a strained chuckle.

"Why would she kill you?" Viktor was curious why Jayce would be so concerned if he didn't live with his mom.

"I'm uh - staying at her place tonight." Jayce didn't offer up any reason as to why - and Viktor assumed it was just a family thing, even if he was curious.

"I would surmise I'm not welcome, though I don't wish to get you into trouble with your mother, nor do I wish to have you drive back and forth." Viktor thought to himself ideas of the best way forward - hypothesizing was the thing he did best, after all.

"She would- uhm. She'd love to see you, Viktor." Jayce said, making Viktor's thoughts come to a sudden halt, as if somebody had pulled the emergency break. "She uh- she always wondered about you, to me. Sometimes she'd read the Academy news to see if you were in it...much to my dismay," Jayce said this as awkwardly as a kindergartner at a spelling bee, and Viktor took it like a punch to the gut.

"Jayce...we have only began talking again a day ago-" Viktor was interrupted, trying to explain to Jayce as politely and clearly as he could that meeting his mother again for the first time in six years would not quell the issue of Viktor not wanting to get close to Jayce again.

"-I know! Trust me, I know Viktor. It's awkward as fuck for me too but if I'm not home tonight she's going to mátame and I don't want to fall asleep at the wheel." Jayce was making sense, and Viktor huffed.

"I will remind you this predicament is your fault, I take no blame for this." Viktor closed his eyes and rested himself against the headrest.

"You have not changed," Jayce mumbled, only the slightest hint of venom still there, as he took the car out of park and began the drive to his mothers.

Viktor prepared himself for the war that was about to be waged on the walls he had built - the walls built for a good reason, but the war waged for a good, if not better reason.

Chapter Text

Viktor's study 'group' with Jayce was going swimmingly. They referred to it as a study group, despite the fact that said 'group' consisted of two members. The 'study' was being called into question as well - while plenty of studying was in fact happening, it seemed to bounce around a lot.

They'd start studying, either at Jayce's or Viktor's place, and then it would devolve into gossip that Jayce would start, and Viktor would pretend to not at all be interested in. Afterwards, Viktor would drag Jayce out to get a snack, usually involving Viktor eating massive amounts of cookies or ice cream while Jayce stared at him like he was a shark - Jayce's snack usually involved whatever Viktor was having in much smaller quantities. Then, they'd go back to studying but not for long, as they would get sidelined discussing various ideas or hypotheticals, causing 'arguments' (which Viktor considered himself the victor 90% of the time).

It was one of those 'study' 'groups' they were having now - they were at Viktor's place (as Jayce's mom was busy having a book club meet at her house). Viktor was sipping tea, sitting on the floor in front of his coffee table, hunched over a textbook. Jayce was lying on Viktor's sofa, same text book, appearing much more bored.

Viktor couldn't help but stare at him. It'd been six months now since they'd met - and Viktor had learned quite a lot about Jayce since then.

One, Jayce genuinely respected him, had an interest in what he had to say. He didn't overlook him, didn't let Viktor get overtaken in a conversation. Jayce looked to Viktor for advice sometimes, their brainstorming sessions what Viktor had dreamed of in movies.

Two, Jayce was...interesting. Without knowing him, Viktor could see why everyone, and their dog had taken an interest in him. He was attractive, clean cut, took an interest in his appearance, wore nice clothes, was polite, well-spoken, and was incredibly intelligent - but when you truly got to know him - he was quite eccentric. Jayce could ramble on for hours and hours about anything that interested him, especially things he was researching. Jayce had an incredibly awful potty mouth that rivaled Viktor's mouth when he was tired. Jayce liked shitty sitcoms. Jayce made goofy and awful jokes. Viktor knew Jayce in a way that he felt nobody else knew, and it made Viktor feel...undeserving.

Three, Viktor had hypothesized something.

Viktor, with all the evidence before him, theorized that he was developing feelings for Jayce. Right now, it was a simple crush, a simple reaction that was nothing more than a nuisance - but it was getting worse. Jayce had started to get touchy, an action that was normal considering his personality. If they finished a particularly difficult assignment, it wasn't unusual for Jayce to hold Viktor's shoulder in celebration or give Viktor a comforting hug. Every single time it left him stiff and awkward but also made him feel warm. Fuzzy. It made his face turn a shade of red and he had to play it off every single time as just him ‘not being used to physical attention’ which was true, but so obviously not the entire reason. He just hoped Jayce wasn’t intelligent enough to notice, which had incredibly low chances but so far - he hadn’t said anything.

Viktor decided that he was simply going to ignore it. Keep it to himself. Jayce had no reason to reciprocate those feelings, and Viktor needn't ruin their friendship - especially seeming as Jayce was Viktor's first friend in college. This was an embarrassing fact that he had also decided to keep to himself – Jayce had no idea that he had the title.

So, it was absolutely, stunningly mindboggling when Jayce began talking - and Viktor felt a fight or flight response at her name being mentioned.

"Mel asked me to go with her to the movies on Saturday." Jayce broke the silence, their quiet study session interrupted. Jayce peaked up from over his textbook, directing his beautiful eyes towards Viktor. Viktor rested his hand on his chin to attempt to hide the flush creeping up his neck from the sudden eye contact – and the fact that he was getting jealous for literally no reason.

"Hm? And are you going to go?" Viktor spoke; tone flat but questioning. He tried to remain unbothered.

"Yea, most likely. She's a nice girl, and I don't have anything else to do on Saturday...unless you wanted to do something?" Jayce asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh - no uhm - don't let me interrupt your plans...That isn't necessary." Truth be told, Viktor was wanting to look at one of Jayce's projects. One he was keeping under wraps due to university policy that was likely to deem the project unsafe. If the school found out - Jayce could be suspended, even expelled, and Viktor, despite his attempts at professionalism, loved risk - and the project.

A little battery capable of powering massive machines, and it was the size of maybe a watch battery - rarely needed to be charged. Jayce was even thinking of making it solar powered. It was only the first step, too. He was making it to eventually put it in air filtration systems, weather detection devices, pollution cleansers, nuclear energy factories, things that could help clean Zaun. This was what started Viktor falling in love with him,

...and Viktor getting jealous of a college girl.

"Cmon, V - I know that face. Did you want to hang out on Saturday?" Jayce called Viktor's bluff and sat up on the couch, leaning into Viktor, who was currently trying to repress another blush from the name Jayce kept using on him.

"Well - you wouldn't necessarily need to cancel your plans...I er, I'm interested in your little battery. I was wondering if I could look over your notes. Maybe help just a little? It'd be easier to have you there to explain and guide me-"

"And also, so you can make fun of me." Jayce joked and Viktor couldn't help but giggle a little. It was true – their relationship while doing projects or anything of the like always involved Viktor poking fun at him or acting like a smartass. Jayce tried to reciprocate but wasn’t very good at it, leaving Jayce ‘frustrated’ and cursing Viktor out.

"-Well, that too. But if Mel has already invited you to the theater, it would be unfair to choose my plans over hers, if Mel's came first." Viktor reasoned, mostly to himself but under the guise of reasoning with Jayce.

"...Well, this does sound more...important." Jayce rubbed his chin; a gesture Viktor couldn't help but stare at. "How about this...We go over the notes before the movie, I go, and then whenever the movie is finished and maybe after dinner I stop by and see where you are? I'm sure Mel wouldn't mind only going to the movie and dinner, she's a good compromiser, and from what I told her about you she thinks you're really cool, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind." Jayce spoke all this plainly, as if Viktor ruining his plans wasn't a nuisance, a shock to Viktor, so used to plans being set in stone with others - not ever being important enough to be a compromise.

"...You talk about me with her?" Viktor asked the question before he could stop himself, his tone quiet and meek. He didn’t even realize he had hung onto that – like his brain had asked before letting him in on it.

"Well, yea, Viktor. You're my best friend. Of course I'd tell her about you!" Jayce chuckled, stating it simply as fact. 

Viktor could feel the heat pool in his chest and before he knew it tears splashed on his textbook. It happened so quickly he didn't even notice it, didn't have time to compose himself. Didn't have time to play it off. He made a shaky inhale and quickly wiped the tears off his face, his expression a mixture of confusion and trying to remain neutral as he stared at the wetness on the back of his hand. He avoided eye contact with Jayce.

"Woah, hey, V-" Jayce quickly slid off the couch, towards Viktor. "Did I say something? What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, you said nothing. I don't know why this is happening," Viktor chuckled awkwardly, trying to hide everything spilling out of him suddenly. He made a squeaky inhale as his chest stuttered, more tears coming from him unwillingly. “This is – this is embarrassing, oh my god, why am I-?”

“Viktor…are you sure I didn’t say anything…? This is…” Jayce had his hands up, palms facing towards Viktor in a comforting gesture. A look of extreme worry on his face – as if Viktor would shatter into a billion pieces at any second.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why this is happening.” The tears only got worse, and it was absolutely mortifying Viktor. He could no longer hide the wobble in his voice or the tears and even snot running down his face. There was something in his mind – absolutely screaming at Viktor to come out. Begging Viktor to say something.

“Jayce – Jayce can I ask you something?” Viktor shivered like a leaf, finally looking Jayce in the eyes. Those eyes filled with worry – for him.

“Anything, V, anything. You’re my best friend.” Jayce finally put a hand on his shoulder. A little weight, doing so much to ground Viktor.

“Am I…am I actually your best friend? Am I actually important enough to you for you to…change your plans? Do you actually care about me? We’ve only been friends for…six months, I don’t – I don’t know…” The questions came spilling out of Viktor, one by one, each one detailing something he was self-conscious about. Something he was worried would change or wasn’t even actually real in the first place.

“V…of course we are. Of course you’re my best friend! You’re one of the nicest and most intelligent people I know – hell I wouldn’t have gotten through half of my toughest courses without you!” Jayce pulled him close into a hug, and Viktor sniffled, trying not to nuzzle his face into Jayce’s warm neck. A difficult task – it was calling to him like it was his only home. “Listen, Mel is really cool, but if you need me to, I can reschedule with her and we can spend Saturday going over my project – it seems important to you, and whatever is important to you is important to me.” Jayce continued using language that made Viktor seem like the most important person in the room. He didn’t know how to handle it.

“You don’t have to do that…” Viktor mumbled; he was calming down now in Jayce’s embrace. He felt selfish.

“Of course I can do that.” Jayce pulled Viktor away for a second, moving Viktor’s hair out of his face in a kind and strangely intimate gesture. He looked at Viktor in a way he wasn’t used to being looked at. Viktor glanced at his lips for a second, before tearing his eyes away back up to look at Jayce. Viktor couldn’t let himself feel the way he was feeling right now. “Are you okay?” Jayce asked.

“I’m better. Thank you, that was… kind of you, Jayce.” Viktor pulled himself away from Jayce despite his grasp being the most comforting thing he’d ever felt. Every second spent in Jayce’s arms made Viktor want to risk everything just for a moment of selfishness. A moment of affection he didn’t deserve. He had to remind himself that Jayce was just being a friend. He was just doing what any friend would do.

“Anything for you, V.” Jayce gave him a comforting smile, Viktor tried not to spill his feelings out all over again. “In fact – why don’t we pause studying for now…I can sleep over? We can watch some movies or something. Maybe get an early start on that project look over?” Jayce offered. Sleep overs weren’t unusual to them – sometimes they’d study so late they’d pass out in Ximena’s living room or in Viktor’s living room and wake up hours later in a pile of their own drool and stiff necks. The plus at sleeping at Ximena’s place is if it wasn’t too late, she’d wake them up and shoo them into their separate rooms.

            They’d never just had a sleep over, however, especially not at Viktor’s place. All things considered; Viktor assumed Jayce saw his place as boring. Minimal decoration, cheap furniture from various thrift stores, clean but in a ‘lack-of-use’ kind of way. It was all analytical – this was just the place Viktor slept, ate, and sometimes read. His TV had grown a layer of dust – the only time he ever watched TV was at Ximena’s house. He didn’t even know if Jayce truly wanted to use the thing – it was a cheap, bulky ‘flat screen’ he had spent maybe $30 on at the same thrift store he’d gotten his couch. It only had the title of ‘flat screen’ because it was in the era where any TV got that title because it wasn’t a CRT box tv. It was silver, had the holed speakers on each side, a massive red indicator at the bottom that changed to blue when you turned it on with the remote that had thousands of buttons, and wasn’t even high definition. It maxed at 720p.

Not only that, but it was covered in scuffs, and Viktor when he had gotten bored during summer break had figured out how to hotwire a smart-tv stick into it. It didn’t look great, but when Jayce had asked him what the hundreds of wires sticking out of his ancient television were all about, Viktor went through it individually, using a screwdriver as an instructor’s pointer as he pointed out each wire and converter, explaining what it did. (When it really was just as simple as getting a RCA to HDMI converter, and running it through a box that automatically downsized the smart-tv stick into the correct resolution – despite Viktor’s intelligence it still took him forever to figure out, not to mention the TV didn’t have an internet antennae, and for some reason nor did the smart-tv stick, he had to figure out how to fix that too. So, yea, Viktor deserved to explain it like it was more complicated than it was, god damn it!)

Viktor was rightfully worried that Jayce didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

“Are you sure? My place is…not that exciting, and watching TV? With that thing?” Viktor cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head questioningly, crossing his arms eliciting a chuckle from Jayce.

“I’d have fun watching paint dry with you, V.” He just said, simply.

They spent the evening watching a sit-com Jayce had been begging Viktor to watch for weeks, despite its terrible image quality on his TV. They ate snacks, and laughed and giggled, especially when Viktor made fun of the show for its questionable writing and Jayce tried to defend it.

Viktor let himself have fun, and as he went to sleep that night on his couch, Jayce set up on a dusty cot next to him, he realized maybe it wouldn’t hurt him to let himself get close. It wouldn’t hurt to try, at least a little bit. A big part of him struggling was his lack of experience with positive relationships, but Viktor realized he was young. He still had time to try.

            He still had time.

…

Viktor woke up, his lips parting as he groaned, the usual thing he did when he woke up. He rubbed his eyes, turned over to immediately grab his morning medication just for him to realize it wasn’t there. In fact, nothing he owned was in this room. He sat up quickly before immediately regretting it, his back brace wasn’t on. He hissed in pain, and from the embarrassment of remembering last night. He was in Ximena’s house right now, crashing into her life out of nowhere, as soon as he crashed into Jayce’s.

Jayce knew he was dying. Knew when he was dying.

Fuck.

He stumbled through his morning routine, grabbing the extra medication to dull his pain. He put on his back brace, his leg brace, and glanced in the closet. So many of his clothes, abandoned here. Part of him wondered why Jayce never gave them back, but realized he still had some of Jayce’s things. Not as big as clothes, but small little knick-knacks he couldn’t bear to part with but also couldn’t bear to look at. Tucked away somewhere in a hallway closet, sitting in a box collecting dust.

He took out a simple gray hoodie that swallowed him now – he was always a naturally tiny person, his illness existing within him since he was a child, but recently he had lost so much weight that even his small clothes seemed big on him, let alone clothes that were years old. He’d had this hoodie since his 20s. He then put on a pair of old black, fraying sweatpants. He wasn’t much for dressing nicely, only being forced to because of his job as a professor. Even then, he wore a simple white button-up and some slacks.

He stood in front of the door, not wanting to open it and face the people out there. Straining his ears, he heard music pouring in from presumably the kitchen – and he felt a little less tense at hearing that. Ximena seemed more than willing to just let Viktor back into her life. Viktor always did love her, but was unwilling to believe that she wouldn’t be cautious about him, especially seeming as Jayce was her son – but after last night, he wasn’t so sure now. Maybe if he just stuck near her, and tried to leave as quickly as possible, he could go home and forget any of this ever happened. If he was incredibly lucky, he could avoid an awkward conversation with Jayce, or even worse, telling Ximena the entire reason he was here in the first place.

That would be nearly impossible of course, Jayce wanting to ‘help him’ and all, but god did he need to pretend that he never sent that email, just for a little bit. Another fantasy.

He finally opened the door, crutch in hand, and slowly made his way carefully down the stairs and into the dining room next to the kitchen. Ximena was in there, cooking breakfast and humming to herself, not noticing Viktor behind her. He quietly sat down, trying to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible. Jayce wasn’t down here yet, probably still sleeping.

Ximena turned around for a second to grab something out of the fridge and noticed Viktor sitting at the table. Her eyes widened quickly as if realizing that Viktor was, in fact, real, before smiling at him warmly. Viktor’s heart could’ve grown two sizes if he wasn’t in such an awkward situation.

“Oh, my love, you are awake!” She stepped towards Viktor and rested her fingers on the table next to him. “Did you sleep okay? You were practically falling asleep on me last night! It’s so early too…Are you sure you don’t need to sleep longer?” She was worrying about him like she used to all those years ago. Some things never change, Viktor thought to himself.

“I am okay, Mrs. Talis. Thank you for your concern, though.” Viktor responded politely. He was entirely exhausted still, but didn’t want to keep himself here longer than he needed to be. Again, because he wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible, but also because he didn’t want to invade Ximena’s space. Jayce didn’t tell her Viktor was coming after all.

“Okay. Well, I am making breakfast. Jayce is awake, I thought while you’re here I might as well treat you. We have so much to catch up on! I sent him to go get you some sweet milk…you still like sweet milk, right?”

Viktor couldn’t believe the words he was hearing, almost immediately getting up and attempting to walk home but keeping himself in his seat.

“I uhm, I do Mrs. Talis…that isn’t necessary though…-”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous! The least Jayce could do after driving you all the way out here.” She giggled. “I also needed some more things for breakfast.”

Ximena turned around and went back to focusing on her cooking, continuing to hum to the song playing off the radio. Viktor fidgeted with his hands, before pulling up his phone and playing some stupid phone game to turn his brain off.

After about 20 minutes, Jayce walked in through the door.

“Ma! I’m here!” He heard Jayce shout from the hallway, before hearing footsteps indicating he was approaching. There was an awkward silence between the two as Jayce walked into the dining room. Viktor continued looking at his phone, though his peripheral told him that Jayce was looking at him as Jayce walked into the kitchen holding some bags.

He set them down on the counter, gave his mother a hug and then leaned against the entryway between the kitchen and dining room.

“Smells good, mama, what is it?” Jayce questioned, probably struggling to make conversation as much as Viktor was struggling to avoid it.

“Eggs, bacon, basic breakfast stuff. Though uh, I’m trying to replicate this one Zaun breakfast diner I went to once! What is it called in your uhm, science terms? Field research?” She said, teasingly. Viktor immediately felt a mixture of embarrassment and happiness that Ximena was still trying to be welcoming to his presence despite the obvious tension filling the room.

“Oh, nice, and yea that’s what it would be called, I guess. Uhm. Do you want me to put the sweet milk in the fridge?” Jayce asked, darting an eye to Viktor and then back to his mother.

“Well, breakfast is almost done. Viktor honey, do you want some with your breakfast?” Ximena turned around and looked at him kindly. The difference between glances was staggering. Ximena hadn’t looked at him the way Jayce did, something unexpected. Jayce had this weird mixture of astonishment, mortification, annoyance, anger, sadness, and shock whenever his eyes landed on him. Ximena just looked at him like he was nothing but another member of the family.

“Sure. Thank you, Ximena, and uhm, thank you as well Jayce - for going and getting it.” Viktor may not have been on the best terms with Jayce, but he at the very least would be polite.

“Don’t mention it…” Jayce stumbled out before grabbing a glass and pouring some for Viktor.

“Oh, no Jayce I can get it myself.” Viktor tried getting up but by the time he grabbed his crutch Jayce had already placed it on the table without saying another word. Viktor sighed, conceding and took a sip. He never let himself drink this anymore – reminded him too much of this, but he was already living this, might as well.

He almost smiled at the familiar taste. Nostalgia resting on his tongue, going down his throat like soft honey.

Ximena finally walked towards the table, carrying plates on her arms like a skilled waitress, and put a plate in front of Viktor. Eggs and bacon, shaped like a smiley face. Viktor couldn’t help but smile this time, how childish and yet joyful. An experience Viktor would only get here.

“There’s that smile.” Ximena commented, sitting down across from him, Jayce sitting next to her. “Now, Viktor, you have so much to tell me! How have things been?” There it was, the question Viktor dreaded to hear.

“Well – I guess it’s been…alright. The Academy is a wonderful job, I do enjoy teaching young minds. This new generation is impressive.” He picked at the eggs, not particularly hungry per usual, but knowing he needed to eat.

“Ah yes! A professor. I heard. I won’t lie, sometimes I go and read the Academy newsletter, see if you’ve done anything mentioned in it…you recently held another fair right?” Ximena smiled as she spoke.

“Innovator’s Competition.” Jayce chimed in.

“Right! Innovator’s Competition…anything interesting?” Ximena looked at him, truly interested in what he had to say.

“Yes, it was…impressive. A lot of fun. A student of mine – Jinx. She made quite the spectacle with her remodel of a firework. Despite her…er…explosive personality she made fireproof fireworks. Safe for use indoors. Got her second place.” Viktor smiled, musing about how disappointed Jinx was to get second place – beaten out by a Piltie record player that could play any record despite its quality. Good for archival purposes, but in Viktor’s opinion not as impressive as indoor fireworks.

Either way, Viktor was impressed.

“Woah, you’re quite the teacher, Viktor! I’m sure a lot of students are inspired by you. Are you still inventing?” Ximena smiled at Viktor, and he tried to suppress a grimace.

“Currently…yes, I guess so.” Half-truth. He could see Jayce sink into his seat. Ximena wasn’t a fool; she clearly noticed the tension. She was fishing for the information. Viktor looked at Jayce – not knowing why but made a gesture with his head. A half nod.

‘Tell her. It’s your mother, and she deserves to know.’

Jayce looked back; shock ridden on his face. Was Viktor a coward? Yes. This was cowardly, but the way Jayce sighed. Scrounging up confidence. It was probably the right decision…probably.

“Mama. We actually have – something we need to tell you.” Jayce looked at his mom. The conversation was unavoidable, Viktor realized. This needed to happen.

“Oh?” Ximena looked at Jayce, then back to Viktor.

“I…well. Mom…shit.” Jayce stumbled; Viktor cringed. “I uh. I’m going to temporarily move back to Piltover. Viktor needs my…assistance. We still aren’t on…the best terms, but I feel it’s important. Right, Viktor?”

“…Yes.” Viktor begrudgingly agreed, sighing.

“Well – what are you saying? What does Viktor need help with? I’m glad to hear you’re talking again; I did miss you Viktor…but this sounds–ˮ

“Mrs. Talis. I’m dying.”

The entire table went quiet. Jayce sighed and put his face in his hands. Ximena looked at Viktor, mouth agape, as if Viktor had said a slur.

“Viktor…for how long?” Ximena didn’t cry, didn’t scream, didn’t react the way Jayce had. Just gently took his hand from across the table, holding it palm open as she clasped it with both hands. Jayce looked at the scene, grief on his face.

“Awhile. Jayce and I are talking again. I let him know he was in the will – and I guess he…decided he wanted to help. So…” Something about the way Ximena was treating him, talking to him, not freaking out or overreacting, as if the grim reaper himself were here and yet she was unafraid – it made him want to talk. So, talk he did. “I do not know if Jayce and I will be what we once were, Ximena. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

“Jayce, my dear, can you go make Viktor’s bed?” She turned to Jayce, still clasping Viktor’s hand. It was an obvious excuse and yet, Jayce obliged. As Jayce left the room, rubbing his arm as if his mother had hit him to go away, Ximena turned to Viktor, a solemn look entrenching on her kind, kind face. Viktor hated it, seeing her so grief-stricken.

“Viktor. I obviously wish you and Jayce would be…friends…again.” The way she said the word friends made Viktor’s stomach flip. “But – I know that so much damage cannot be undone quickly…and with the way you two are acting, I surmise you do not have enough?”

Viktor nodded. “A year…if that.”

“Hm.” She hummed, obviously not liking the answer – but accepting it. Something Jayce couldn’t seem to do yet. “I just. I want you to let Jayce try, okay?”

“What do you mean?” Viktor rubbed his thumb on Ximena’s hand, a comforting anchor in the sea of agony that seemed to swallow them both as he ripped off the bandage. Twice, in 24 hours he has ripped this bandage.

“Jayce missed you. He acted angrily, he acted cruel, things I taught him not to do, and he knew better than to treat you the way he did – but he was an injured man. An injured man acting out because of the thing he lost. You.”

He gulped. “Mrs. Talis…I acted awfully to your son–”

“Yes. You both acted awfully with each other. But – I have a feeling this isn’t what you want.”

“It isn’t.”

“I know. It’s…It’s not what Jayce wants either. He wants you back, Viktor. I need you to let him try and fix it. Even if he doesn’t – and that’s a very high possibility…just don’t let your last moments be you wondering what could have been.” She looked at him, her kind eyes replaced with pleading. Pleading with Viktor to let Jayce in.

“I-” Viktor sighed, clutching Ximena’s hand.

“I know it’s hard. I don’t expect you to be buddy-buddy with my son, I just want you to let him help you. Jayce would do anything for you.” Viktor knew she meant that.

“Okay. I’ll…I’ll let him.” Viktor kept conceding, kept losing battles. This was another lost battle – how many more could he lose?

“I have…so many more questions, Viktor – but I don’t want to keep you here, if you don’t want to be. Nor do I want to make you keep talking about it. Jayce will drive you home, and I will stop by to visit. Discuss this more then?” Ximena squeezed his hand. Viktor only needed to squeeze back to let her know he agreed.

Jayce came back downstairs, silently entering the room. It was clear he knew a conversation had happened – an important one at that and timidly approached.

“Uhm – you ready to go, Viktor?”  Jayce was holding his coat and keys.

“Yes, thank you, Jayce.” Viktor got up and let go of Ximena’s hand. “Thank you for having me, Mrs. Talis. I will see you soon?”

“Of course, my love, any time.” Ximena nodded goodbye, and they left.

Getting into the car, they both got in with a sigh. The worst of it was over – or at least, the first ‘worst of it’, many more to come but not now. Not immediately.

“Well, Ma sure was happy to see you.” Jayce said as he started the car, Viktor humming in agreement.

“Likewise.” Viktor responded simply. He thought over what Ximena had said, what she had told him. The words circling in his brain like a hurricane. Jayce was definitely awful to him before – but with the apology, and Ximena’s words…

“I’ll get you home, and I guess I’ll start looking for a small cheap apartment to move in to for the year. I have your address, so I guess I’ll look for one close by?” Jayce spoke, and Viktor sighed again.

“You can move in with me.” Viktor said before he could stop himself from saying the words. Jayce froze.

“Oh.” He stuttered. “Is it not…too-?”

“Everything happening right now is too soon, Jayce. I’m not going to have you spend money unnecessarily when you could save money by living with me so you can do what you need to do.” Viktor reasoned. He honestly hated the idea, loathed it, but he was testing the waters. Testing Jayce on his word, testing Ximena on her trust in her son.

He just hoped it would be right.

The car ride was spent in silence as Jayce listened to his audiobook that Viktor tried not to get sucked into. When they arrived at Viktor’s apartment, and Viktor unlocked the door, Jayce finally broke the silence.

“Where would I sleep?” He asked.

“I have an office. I don’t really use it – I have one at the Academy after all. We can convert it into your…room. I’m not cruel. You will have your own space. Also, it has a bathroom attached.” Viktor walked in, putting his bag on the kitchen counter and shuffling in. Exhaustion resting in his bones.

“Woah, fancy. The Viktor I knew would’ve scoffed at the idea of a two-bedroom apartment with two bathrooms attached.” Jayce quipped. Viktor bit back making a cruel commit about the ‘Viktor he knew.’  

“Well, it was the cheapest apartment within walking distance to the Academy…when I could walk there. It also has a nice view.” Viktor turned to look at Jayce, trying to decipher this weird feeling between them. They were being something between civil, something between friendly, and something between distrustful. Not a lot to work with.

“…Do you want me to spend the night here now…? I could run back to my place to grab my things…seeming as I’m not getting an apartment, I can still keep the place and run back when I need something.” Jayce questioned, and Viktor huffed.

“Might as well get this started now.” Viktor was looking through his bag as he spoke, searching for his painkillers.

“Oh, and welcome back to Piltover, Jayce.”

Chapter Text

“Jayce, I am not trying to get on your case or anything of the sort. Just, are you sure this is a good idea?” Mel looked at Jayce, subdued concern written all over her face. Jayce cocked an eyebrow at her, a little bit annoyed. He eyed his orange juice, the one he was casually sipping on at the outdoor seating area they were in, right outside Mel’s favorite breakfast diner.

“I just told you everything that makes me think this is the right idea, why are you questioning me?” Jayce tried not to come off as rude – he came to her after all – but Mel always found at least one or two flaws in any plan Jayce came up with, always making him second guess himself. Usually it was useful, but right now it wasn’t what he wanted.

“Listen – I’m not saying Viktor hasn’t changed. He was a wonderful man then, and I’m sure he’s a wonderful man now, but rushing to move in with him at the first email back seems a tad bit…” Mel sighed, and Jayce agreed. There was an important piece of context he was leaving out, so what she was saying made sense without that piece of context, but with it – that fact of course being Viktor’s impending doom – it made perfect sense for Jayce to do this. He just couldn’t tell Mel. It wasn’t his place.

Also, Jayce didn’t even know if Viktor really liked Mel. He never bad mouthed her, was never mean to her, was always polite to her; but he asked a lot of questions.

“Are you both even getting along right now anyways?” Mel cocked her head at Jayce, and Jayce averted her piercing glance. She could always see right through him.

“…Well, it’s…”

“Complicated?”

“…Complicated.” Jayce chuckled awkwardly and Mel let him have it, responding with an awkward smile.

“Gosh you two sound like an on-again-off-again couple.” Mel joked and Jayce almost spat out his juice, causing Mel to chuckle loudly. “Jayce! I am only joking.”

“My ex-girlfriend making a joke about me dating my ex-lab partner is not something I expected from today, Mel!” Jayce retorted, only causing Mel to chuckle a little bit louder. Jayce was kind of proud of how they left off their relationship. Mutual, both agreed to some wrongdoing and now they were friends. Caitlyn labeled it a ‘situationship’ or whatever that meant.

“Well, anyways Jayce, without that detail you can’t tell me, I can only warn you that this might not be the best idea, but I can’t stop you and clearly you know what you want. Just keep me in the loop if you can, okay?” Mel looked at Jayce caringly, still with a little hint of amusement in her eyes from earlier, and he nodded. They finished their breakfast over casual chatter, Mel footed the bill (as always, despite Jayce’s attempts to) and Jayce went to go pack up some of his things.

A few hours later at his apartment, Jayce was of course scrambling through it trying to figure out what should stay, and what should come with him. Since he of course decided not to entirely move out of his apartment and just stay at Viktor’s for as long as he needed, not everything was coming with him (and not that it all would fit anyways).

He of course packed his phone charger, some clothes, some bed sheets, his toiletries and hygiene products, everything he needed for himself. He looked at his workstation and tried to figure out if anything was worth taking. He couldn’t of course just bring the entire thing with him, but there were a few things he was working on that he wanted to continue – and he had no idea how busy he’d be attending to Viktor. Viktor seemed fine enough on his own for now, but with how quickly he said he could…’deteriorate’ Jayce didn’t want to be out of town so far away for longer than necessary. He decided that he’d bring a few of his own tools, and some scraps to tinker around with, and maybe Viktor would let him into the Academy work areas as payment for their new arrangement.

Jayce started going through his hallway closet, looking for a specific wrench, when he found it. The box. The dreaded box of keepsakes from ‘before’ that he had avoided like the plague for a long, long time. Only letting himself look at it if he wanted to torture himself. He gulped, realizing now would be a good enough time as any to go through it, but for some reason stopping himself. He almost laughed at how ridiculous it was – he was talking to Viktor again; they had only squabbled a few times since then and sure they might not fit the criteria of ‘friends’ but they weren’t sworn enemies. It was just as Mel had said, they were ‘complicated.’

But Jayce just couldn’t go through the box. It was only when his hand touched the rim of the cardboard, and he was crouching down that he realized that his brain had made the choice, and he couldn’t stop it.

He pulled out the first item – a framed photograph. Jayce and Viktor at a college party, 16 years ago. Jayce was 19, Viktor was 20 (older than Jayce by a month). Viktor passed as old enough to get some drinks without an ID, and they spent the whole ‘party’ staying away from everyone else and drinking through their own stash. Jayce took the picture with a knock-off polaroid camera that he had gotten the week before and took the picture without Viktor realizing it until the flash went off. It depicted Viktor taking a swig out of a bottle of cheap flavored whiskey, his eyes looking at a fire he had started off camera. He’s sitting down in a lawn chair, eyes hazy from too much to drink…and there’s Jayce, in the corner of the camera, his forehead and brow visible, eyes looking at Viktor and his hand pointing at him goofily. He thought it was the funniest picture in the world, Viktor thought it was embarrassing to see himself in such a state but let Jayce have it (because he also found it amusing.)

This picture was a week before they won the Innovator’s Competition after Viktor had started sneakily helping Jayce a year before. Viktor submitted it truthfully, much to Jayce’s fear – and though they were under serious consequences if the project didn’t win, Heimerdinger let it slide just this once due to how hard Jayce and Viktor had tried.

Now the batteries hadn’t gone anywhere. Though they won, and Viktor and Jayce continued to work on it for years after that, it had gotten pushed to the side – Jayce instead focused on wondering what the hell had gotten into his partner, uncovering an entire web of lies, and purposely forfeiting the rights to the project entirely.

Looking at this picture made him depressed, and angry. So angry, in fact, that it was slamming against the floor and shattering before Jayce had even realized he’d done it. He realized then and there that yea – actually he was still incredibly pissed at Viktor, and Viktor still hadn’t apologized for his side of things. Jayce basically groveled on his knees for Viktor’s forgiveness, and all Viktor did in return is give him a deadline to fix shit, something Viktor didn’t even seem to want to do in return.

He threw the things he packed into a bag and walked out the door. He hoped the drive back would be long enough to cool him off before he did anything he regretted.

…

Viktor couldn’t take his eyes off of Jayce the whole party. Maybe it was the drinks, the weed, the way Jayce’s hands curved around the drinks he was going through at a concerning rate. The way Jayce awkwardly stumbled around the place talking to fellow classmates, the way no matter where Viktor went, Jayce always somehow ended up in the same place as Viktor. It didn’t take Viktor long to realize Jayce was following him – or at least trying to stay in close proximity, at the very least the same room. Something in his head was telling him it was a sign, that maybe Jayce liked him too – but there was no way.

It had been a year now since they met and it was clear after some (what Vikor hoped were subtle) questions that Jayce liked Mel Medarda, art student, whose mom literally owned the town. There was no way Viktor could compete with that, so he resigned himself to being Jayce’s nerdy, weird disabled and ill Zaunian best friend who for some reason Jayce wanted to spend his time with. Viktor was sad, sure. Spent way too much time with his hand on himself imagining it was Jayce’s – and spent even more time moping about the fact it wasn’t.

Viktor just chose to believe Jayce was following him because they were best friends, which was definitely the answer – at least, Viktor thought that until Jayce was talking with some friends and drunkenly wrapped an arm around Viktor’s waist, causing him to stiffen.

It was just a friendly gesture, just something he did as a friend. Jayce was always touchy. He was just being more touchy cause of the alcohol, Viktor thought to himself.

After that, Viktor excused himself, stole back the drinks he brought by using his chronic illness to his advantage (that being it made him look older than he was), shoveled them in his bag and walked out the backdoor of the random house the party was being held. The backyard was big, probably an acre of land and he spotted an abandoned firepit way back in the corner of the yard. Bingo.

He shoddily started a fire and sat down in one of the lawn chairs near it. Taking out a bottle of whiskey, he chugged it down and sighed.

Viktor had started using shimmer.

He hadn’t told Jayce yet – well, yet was overstating his ability to tell his best friend he was using drugs. It had started in his dorm – in one of those moments where Viktor was angry, a vicious kind of angry. His doctor had told him his chronic illness was getting worse, he may need to start using a crutch in a few years; something he so desperately didn’t want to do. There was also the vague inference that it was progressing at a rate where Viktor’s lifespan wouldn’t extend past his 30s. Something which terrified him.

Viktor started to question his life – sure, he was successful, he was intelligent, he was the top of his class…but that was it. His best friend was just out of his reach, so close and yet so tethered to someone else. His expected lifespan was so short he would probably never see the success of his projects – or at least ever see them grow.

Shimmer usage was growing around the campus, some new drug that everyone was worrying about, campus police were cracking down on, and something Viktor had very close access due to his best friend dragging him to parties. Sure, Viktor wasn’t the stereotypical partier – engineering students were known to party and show up to class still riding old highs and hungover, however, Viktor usually just went cause Jayce did…but Viktor didn’t pretend to be above the whole thing, and he conveniently had the known drug dealer’s number in his phone…

It was a mistake – something he only did out of desperation and something to distract him from everything. His disability. His illness. His…weird thing with Jayce. He told himself it’d just be once. But then it was twice, and then it was thrice, and then it was happening every weekend, and then it was happening whenever Viktor had breakdowns, and now it was basically every other day. He was able to fit the engineering student stereotype of still showing up to class, still being on top, still getting good grades and passing his tests. Jayce hadn’t noticed one bit, at least Viktor thought he didn’t notice – he had noticed his eye bags were worse, he was more tired, more neurotic about the project. Viktor had just passed it off as sleep deprivation and anxiety.

It felt awful to lie, even more awful to be doing any of this at all. Viktor knew better, that was his whole job – to know better, and yet he foolishly and selfishly allowed himself this one mistake, this one horrible decision. He had been perfectly imperfect his whole life. Coming out on top despite his disabilities, being the perfect poster child, proving himself as smart despite ‘being from that awful place.’ Why wasn’t he allowed this horrible, horrible decision? He thought to himself.

It was just the lying to Jayce. That Viktor couldn’t logically explain to himself. He told himself that Jayce would understand, and he probably would understand – but that didn’t mean Jayce would agree, that Jayce wouldn’t try to stop him, and that wasn’t what Viktor wanted, to be stopped. The shimmer made him feel good, made him feel strong again, like for just a moment his disabilities were gone, the chronic pain was gone, he could breathe right, he could actually take one deep breath and feel his lungs filled with air. He could walk further without his cane. Make it across the room. Logically, he knew it was an addiction. Emotionally, he didn’t care.

He was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t hear Jayce approach, too busy taking a large sip of whiskey. He did notice the bright flash as Jayce took a picture, goofily posing at the edge of the lens. Viktor probably looked like shit, but appreciated Jayce’s looseness from the alcohol, and his shitty attempt at humor.

“Well, hello Jayce. Done fraternizing with the rest of the engineering department?” Viktor noticed how slurred his speech was, cringing.

“Yeah – they aren’t as fun to be around as you. I almost got scared you abandoned me here.” Jayce sat in another lawn chair, next to Viktor. The sun was starting to set, bringing the sky to a beautiful dark navy blue, the air smelling like fire and chill. Crickets started blaring.

“And go where?” Viktor mused. “Back to the sad state of my dorm room?”

“Hmph – I dunno, that one frat guy seemed intent on bringing you home…” Jayce almost seemed…upset when he said that. Viktor couldn’t piece together why.

“Oh, no, you don’t seriously think I’d abandon you for that douchebag Jayce?” He almost laughed; Jayce didn’t smile back. “He was so…infantilizing.”

“I’m…just glad we can both be out here together away from all that.” It was Jayce’s only comment. His words were all tied together as if his tongue was struggling to enunciate. Viktor motioned to the stash he brought, a mischievous look on his face, Jayce finally smiled.

“Oh? Not sharing anymore, Viktor?” Jayce giggled; Viktor tried not to blush.

“They don’t deserve the fruits of my hard work.” He joked, and Jayce giggled again, something Viktor could never get tired of hearing. “Why are we even here anyway? We could do this at one of our dorms…”

“But then I don’t get to hang out with my partner next to a fire outside.” Jayce absentmindedly spoke. Partner. Viktor still wasn’t used to that word. “It’s nice, doing this with you. All those people in there? Even when I’m drunk, and let’s face it I’m shitfaced right now – they all get the top student, future inventor and scientist of Piltover Jayce. But when I’m here, away from all of them, on a beautiful night in some rando’s backyard with you? You get me.”

“Oh. You are so definitely shitfaced. How…sweet of you, Jayce.” Viktor fidgeted with the drink in his hand, suddenly feeling…guilty. He tried to keep up the comedic tone of the awkward conversation but was struggling.

“You’re my…best friend, Viktor.” For some reason, he sounded hesitant as he spoke. Viktor didn’t want to guess why. “…sorry if I don’t say that enough. I am being one hundred percent truthful when I say you’re the best person in my life.”

“…You are for me too.” Viktor didn’t want to say what else he was thinking, not wanting to ruin the moment. But he was honest – Jayce was the best person in Viktor’s life and will almost certainly hold that title for the rest of Viktor’s life. That was the thing, though, not only was Viktor hiding the shimmer usage – he was hiding the prognosis. Jayce won’t have him as a friend for his whole life. For some reason, that felt easier to say than using shimmer.

Baby steps.

“Can I say something, Jayce?” Viktor sighed.

“Anything.” Jayce responded, looking at Viktor drunkenly, his eyes full of awe.

“Er, you already know my health situation – kind of hard to ignore.” He gestured to the cane with a smile, and both Jayce and Viktor laughed. “Well, uhm – I just wanted to say…you might be facing some of this on your own…not anytime soon! But er, in your 30s – probably cementing yourself as King of Piltover by then. And I just don’t want you to…be disappointed…” Viktor was stumbling over his words, the whiskey in his breath making it hard to focus.

Jayce looked at him, a hint of grief in his eyes, but a small smile on his face. He leaned forward, grabbing Viktor by the hands, and looking him in the eyes.

“Guess I’ll just have to flirt with the grim reaper for eleven years then?” Jayce was joking – but oh god, the word flirt was doing things for Viktor. Viktor felt heat rising up his neck slowly, he could smell the alcohol on Jayce’s breath mixing with the alcohol on his – they were so close for some reason. Viktor looked down at Jayce’s lips and then back up.

Jayce noticed. He looked down at Viktor’s. They were both achingly silent.

“I-” Viktor started. Jayce shushed him.

“I promise you I don’t mind. I’m… friends with you because…you’re an amazing person, not cause you’re here on a deadline or whatever.” Jayce broke the tension with a joke. Viktor giggled…and Jayce let go of his hands. Viktor felt…disappointed? “Sorry about the uh, picture by the way. But look!”

Jayce showed Viktor the picture and yea – it was just as awful as Viktor imagined it to be, but he found it…nostalgic, even though it just happened.

“No, I love it. Keep it.” Viktor smiled back at Jayce.

“I love you, Viktor.” Jayce said and then suddenly froze. Viktor froze. They both froze. “I mean, like, as a best friend. I love you, as my…best friend?”

God they were so drunk. Viktor swallowed.

“I love you too, Jayce.”

…

Jayce had arrived at the apartment with his things. He was right, driving definitely did cool him off – he still wanted that apology, but right now his ex-best friend needed his help, so he’d focus on that later.

He walked into the apartment after exiting the elevator, and unlocked the apartment with the spare key Viktor gave him. Inside, he saw Viktor lying on his couch reading a book, his reading glasses resting on the tip of his nose. He banished the ‘cute’ comment his brain was trying to make.

“Good morning, Jayce.” Viktor didn’t look up from his book, as if he didn’t realize how weird it was for Jayce to be standing in his apartment right now, about to start living with him, as if a few days ago they wouldn’t be at each other’s throats if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“Good morning, er, Viktor. So, what are the, I guess, ground rules for the room you’re having me stay in? A bunch of your stuff is in there so…” Jayce broached the topic.

“It’s all yours to move or decorate as you like…can even put some of my things away if you wish. Rooms yours.” Viktor finally looked up at him from his book, taking his glasses off that were now dangling on his chest by a chain. “Not like I get any use out of it anymore.”

“Oh. Okay.” Jayce shuffled awkwardly. He felt intruding, and he kind of was. He did want to do this with Viktor, did want to help him and assist him anyway he could. He owed it to him after everything that happened – but he didn’t expect Viktor to just let him move in like that. After everything. The burning question on his tongue – why.

Viktor had gone back to reading his book, and Jayce took that as his sign to get a move on. He walked into the office, adjacent to the living room, and took a look around. The first things his eyes lay on were the two solid wood, dark oak bookcases, absolutely collapsing under the weight of books, sandwiching a grand desk. The room just smelled of wood, and books, and paper. The absolute grandness stunned him, as Viktor was not one for that type of…aesthetic. He definitely felt like an intruder now.

There was a rug under his feet, covering the vinyl flooring of his apartment. A weird, blue-purple celestial pattern, adding to the eccentric side of the office. In a little nook sat a futon – where Jayce would be sleeping, surrounded by plants. Every type of plant Jayce could think of – and despite Viktor’s condition, all seemed healthy and watered.

Oh, and there was a cat. A little black cat with big green eyes. She almost appeared featureless, and though she appeared to be an adult cat, she was so small. She looked up at Jayce, curiously, and then went back to her nap on the futon. Jayce was almost in awe at the way Viktor was living his life now – so distant from the Viktor he knew before.

He sat the box of his things down, there was more in the car, but he could grab it later. He set up some of his things and sat down on the futon next to the curious black cat.

“Well hello, what’s your name?” He wondered, going to pet her. She let him and purred almost as loud as a motorcycle. “Woah – that’s a lot of horsepower for something so small.” He chuckled.

“That’s Honey.” Jayce heard from the door, looking up and seeing Viktor leaning against the doorway, slumped. “Got her a year ago. Dumpster cat. That futon is her futon, but she can learn to share.”

“She’s sweet.” Jayce mumbled, moving his attention to the cat, absolutely in love with her.

“When she wants to be…” Viktor sighed. “Sorry about all the, er, stuff. You can move it all away in that closet if you wish.” Viktor motioned to the closet next to the bathroom door.

“It’s your office, Viktor…” Jayce responded, almost using petting Honey as a way to fidget. “I don’t want to…intrude.” He finally admitted it, figuring he might as well discuss it now before he let it fester.

“You are not intruding, Jayce. I invited you here.” Viktor sighed.

“…Why?” Jayce sat up. “I know I insisted on helping you and everything but – I mean I’m fine getting an apartment nearby.”

“It would be ridiculous to have you pay money to help me when in that exchange I should be paying you. Offering you a place to stay makes perfect sense.” Viktor looked at him, questioningly. “Does it not?”

“I mean – Viktor we don’t even consider each other friends anymore.” Jayce sighed. The quiet part going unspoken but still loud – why was Viktor offering the person he told he’d never speak to again his apartment?

“I don’t consider you a friend anymore, no, but I do need help, and you are incessant. Saying no would be a waste of energy, and, I do appreciate the help…and maybe we could be friends again someday.” Viktor said that last part quieter. “…It would be sad to die without you Jayce.”

Viktor left the room. Jayce didn’t unpack anything else for a while.

…

Viktor felt like a ghost wandering the halls of anywhere he was. It didn’t matter if it was the Academy, a grocery store, his doctor’s appointments, or even his own apartment. He felt half dead. Like people who saw him could see through him, see the fear in his eyes, see the sunken in meat holding haphazardly onto his bones.

The rot inside of him had started seeping into his brain a long time ago – but now it was really making itself known, a permanent guest that would stick with him until he died. He didn’t know why he was making certain choices, why he was deciding things – things that he was even arguing with inside of his own head.

He hated Jayce, he loved Jayce, he didn’t want to die, he wanted to die, he was scared, he was indifferent – everything existing within him at once. Battling itself out to the death inside of his own cortex – forever and ever and ever.

Jayce being here was another one of those decisions. He kept arguing with himself – did he really believe everything could be fixed within such a short amount of time? Years of hurt? Gone in a few months? Because they didn’t even have the whole year to fix it – by then Viktor would be an unconscious corpse death-rattling on a hospital bed. No, they had months. Months to decide if this was worth it – and during all of that Jayce pestering him like a nurse and being his personal chaperone.

But Jayce was here, right? And is that not a testament in it of itself? Of Jayce’s willingness to try?

Viktor wasn’t even sure if he was willing to try. He was still so angry at Jayce – angry at him for abandoning him, angry at him for not loving him back, angry at him for that stupid fucking smile, his stupid fucking good looks, his willingness to try despite the circumstances. Viktor was angry at him for things years old and everything he was doing right now. Persisting, and what for? He got nothing out of it.

Maybe it was a game to him, a goal, or something to fill the time. Maybe he truly did want to try. Maybe it didn’t even matter anyways, Viktor was still going to end up dead. If Viktor truly got what he wanted – Jayce in his arms, where he belonged, it wouldn’t save him. He’d only be able to savor it for a little while before losing it all.

It made him feel bitter – to know that even if he achieved everything he ever wanted, got it all, he wouldn’t get to savor it. He wouldn’t get to experience it for decades. He wouldn’t ever get to grow old with Jayce, wouldn’t ever get to spend a day with him doing nothing, achieving nothing – just cuddling all day in bed. He wouldn’t get to do laundry with him, wouldn’t get to make meals with him. Wouldn’t get to go out to the town. Wouldn’t get to dance with him. Anything longer than what felt like a second Viktor would never have.

He was sobbing now, in his room. Maybe Viktor keeping Jayce here was some cruel attempt at that – his unconscious brain trying desperately to cling onto what he could. Playing dollhouse with Jayce to satisfy the fantasy before he kicked the bucket. To know he was still so cruel, capable of being so selfish, made him choke on his own spit, cover blankets all in his tears.

All he wanted felt like the whole world – and how cruel, how selfish, how evil it was of him to try and have it when his existence was so temporary? So fickle?

…

Jayce could hear it. Viktor is crying in his room.

Jayce suddenly felt so…small. Insignificant. He came to the startling realization that whenever Viktor had cried about something, which had only happened a grand total of three times in Jayce’s relationship with him, Jayce was always able to comfort him. Always. Jayce always knew what to say, he was allowed to hug Viktor, allowed to hold him.

Jayce couldn’t do that anymore, at least he didn’t think Viktor would want it.

He had started hearing the ‘strange noise’ about 10 minutes after Viktor had walked out of his room, he tracked it down to what was most likely Viktor’s bedroom (he hadn’t been inside of it) and heard the familiar noises of Viktor sniffling – followed by the unfamiliar noise of Viktor doing something that could only be called ‘wailing.’ It was utterly heartbreaking.

Jayce rested his hand on the doorknob. Out of everything in him he wanted to go inside that door and comfort Viktor – but that required Viktor letting him. It was taking every ounce of willpower to not. He was completely disregarding everything negative he felt about Viktor – trying to remind himself of his discovery earlier today but failing to care. Why does that matter when his best friend is-

There it was. They weren’t best friends anymore. Jayce’s hand, still on the doorknob, began shaking and he had to quickly take it off before Viktor realized he was outside his door. Maybe – maybe Jayce couldn’t comfort him but could do something else. He looked at the clock in the hallway, and realized it was past lunch time.

Jayce would make lunch, and hope to god Viktor could see what Jayce was trying to do –

‘Please, I still care about you. Please let me in.’

Chapter Text

Viktor awoke to an unfamiliar smell. It took a moment for his brain to catch up to him, probably about 30 seconds of confusion, before he realized that, oh, right—Jayce Talis lived with him now and had access to his kitchen.

He groaned, annoyed that he now had someone to wake him up from his naps, even if unintentionally. Viktor sat up, hissing, as he had slept on his shoulder wrong. He needed to take his medication, specifically the one that makes all his pain an awkward, dull throb, but just found he didn’t even have the energy to take the 3 steps it took to get to his bathroom and fish it out.

It was then he remembered why he had fallen asleep and realized that was where all his energy went. Crying over his selfishness. Viktor felt like he honestly deserved to be stuck in his bed right now, even if whatever Jayce was cooking smelled delectable. Jayce Talis, who always had a way with cooking. He made even the nastiest, poverty-ridden college meal into a dish that could win awards. Knowing their relationship, however, he probably wasn’t making enough to share.

Viktor just laid back down and stared at his ceiling. The room was almost pitch black – how he preferred to have it, and his humidifier was on. The humidifier helped with the lungs – specifically with whatever his body was attempting to cough up.

Usually blood.

It was after 30 minutes of Viktor just staring up at the ceiling, thinking, feeling as if his brain and body were two different beings, that he heard a soft, polite knock at the door. As if the person knocking wanted to disappear into the wind.

“Viktor? It’s me, Jayce-”

“Who else would it be? Go ahead, Jayce, I won’t bite you.” Viktor immediately regretted the sarcasm, which came out harsher than he expected it to. His voice wasn’t sounding like his own, as if some vile beast had taken residence in his larynx.

Jayce obliged, opening the door and letting in light, immediately illuminating Viktor. Viktor squinted his eyes and looked at Jayce, who looked like a blurry figure as his eyes adjusted.

“I made lunch…did you want any?” Jayce was looking at Viktor like a kid who got his hand caught where it wasn’t supposed to be. Viktor felt guilty.

“That’s polite of you, Jayce, but I’m not hungry.” Viktor was half-lying. He was hungry but also wasn’t – the feeling you experience after eating and your body forcing you to hack it up in refusal. As if it was saying, “Why would we need this? Why fuel a dying machine?’

“You…haven’t eaten all day…” Jayce was doing his best to politely retort Viktor – Viktor could tell. Jayce Talis was an open book, incredibly easy to pick up the pages and peruse. Lightly draw your fingers on the words and ingest them for knowledge. Viktor again, felt guilty.

“I understand, but I am not hungry.” Viktor again tried. Guilt was gnawing at Viktor at the edges of his temple. This food, if anything, was an apology to make up for earlier. An unnecessary apology. Viktor was the one being selfish.

“Viktor, just – I won’t make you but please.” Suddenly, Viktor was hit with those pleading, puppy dog eyes that Jayce had gotten so, so good at. Suddenly, Viktor would feel guilty if he didn’t take this lunch. “You need to eat. I signed up to take care of you…is this not part of it?”

Viktor couldn’t argue with that. He sighed and looked down at his knees, curled up halfway.

“Let me get my crutch.” Viktor mumbled, hoisting his legs off the bed and standing up shakily with his crutch that was resting on the edge of his nightstand. Jayce had already disappeared down the hallway, and Viktor followed his steps into the kitchen.

Laid out on Viktor’s breakfast table was a simple lunch, some kind of stew with noodles in it, and pieces of buttered bread on the side. Jayce sat at the table, fidgeting nervously with his bracelet as he waited for Viktor to sit down, clearly avoiding eye contact.

Viktor sat down at the table, pushing himself in and numbly looking at the food in front of him. He didn’t feel hungry but knew he still needed to at least get a little bit in him. Anything was better than nothing, as his doctor would say. So, he tried – he took a small sip of the broth of the stew from his spoon. Jayce pretended not to watch.

“This is good, Jayce.” Viktor responded simply, Jayce mumbled a small ‘thank you.’ Something was off about Jayce, as if he knew something that Viktor didn’t. He looked smaller than Viktor in his seat, a true feat with the man’s big stature compared to Viktor’s ‘shriveled in’ look. “Is something wrong?” Viktor asked, setting down his spoon and resting his head on his palm.

“I’m just confused about everything, but I don’t know if you want to talk about it right now, or really…ever.” Jayce responded, looking into Viktor’s eyes. Viktor looked at Jayce’s eyebrows.

“That makes sense…I realize I haven’t been the most forthcoming. I guess it isn’t…fair to you.” Viktor spoke lightly. He still felt guilty for this entire situation, for the way he was treating Jayce. It wasn’t exactly fair even with how everything ended between them before – at the end of the day, Jayce still showed up and is doing more now than any sane person would. Viktor did…owe Jayce some answers. “What do you want to talk about?”

“What are we? Or, I guess, how do you feel about me? It’s just…I mean, it’s clear we’re still angry with each other…about what happened, but it just. It honestly shocked me to hear you were including me in anything, that you would reach out to me at all, that you would let me do this.” Jayce started to ramble, “And I don’t know – I guess it just…it’s confusing. You were so mad at me, and I was incredibly mad at you. And I think I’m…still mad at you. I think I’m still furious with you but I’m willing to…help.”

“And I am willing to let you help.” Viktor responded. “It looks like we are both feeling the same way about each other.”

“But you said…maybe we could be friends again someday?” Jayce sighed.

“Yes.” Viktor didn’t elaborate, didn’t know how to put his feelings into words, something he felt a lot these days.

“Can you… I guess…elaborate? It’s just – it’s frustrating having to, er, pull teeth whenever I want to know things, and now that I’m helping you, I feel like I should know these things. Is that okay?” Jayce tried to be assertive – and he could really be assertive if he wanted to be, but he was struggling to.

“That’s okay, Jayce.” Viktor sat up as much as he could, took a deep breath and began his overdue ‘speech.’ “I feel…guilt. I feel guilty that I have brought you into this situation, and I feel guilty that our first meeting in a long time was me telling you that I am going to die. Our first meeting should have been me apologizing to you. I did not, and for that I am sorry.”

“I should have apologized immediately too.” Jayce added, and Viktor shook his head.

“I put you in an awkward position. I guess I just wanted to rip the band-aid off, and I didn’t expect for you to take it as seriously as you did – I thought you hated me so much you wouldn’t have even shown up, and I would not have blamed you either. When you said you were showing up, and within the same night apologized to me, and then begged to help me, it just came as a…shock.” Viktor sighed and prepared himself for what he should have said that night. “Jayce, I need to apologize to you for…everything that happened.”

Jayce shuffled in his seat but looked at Viktor earnestly.

“I…kept secrets from you. I lied to you, and hid things from you. I was selfish, and arrogant, and I betrayed your trust, but I was too deep into my own problems to care. You…you hurt me, but that isn’t an excuse for everything I did, before and after that.” Viktor took another deep breath. “The guilt I feel now is just a consequence of my selfishness bubbling up again. I am…continuing to hide things from you because my situation is causing me to revert back into my old ways. I assure you that I do think I have changed as a person, and I will continue to better myself…for the limited time that I have.” The last sentence was meant to be a joke, but Jayce did not laugh.

Jayce instead shook his head and looked down at the table. “You continue to be better than me…even in apologies.” He chuckled, breaking the tension and Viktor couldn’t fight the small smile appearing on his face. “I…I think I forgive you, Viktor. I’m not…I’m not sure if I forgive you just yet on everything, but…I appreciate it. Thank you.” Jayce smiled and Viktor could finally actually look Jayce in the eyes.

“You do not have to forgive me at all. I was…truly awful.” Viktor looked down at the stew, quickly growing cold. He took a few small spoonfuls, avoiding anything too solid.

“I…think we were both awful to each other.” Jayce responded.

“Yeah.” Viktor sighed, and they both looked at each other.

“Truce?” Jayce cocked his head, his smile almost always causing Viktor to smile. A chain reaction.

“Truce.” Viktor responded, nodding his head.

…

Jayce impatiently sighed outside of Viktor’s dorm room, staring at the door with an annoyed expression. It was the day of the Innovator’s Competition; the day they had been waiting for. Everything was tested; everything was working as intended – their project as far as the data was concerned was a success. Viktor and Jayce had revolutionized Piltover – maybe even the world. The dime size batteries were capable of powering machines 100 times their size and could simply be left out in the sun to charge. The ramifications of this were staggering.

Yet, here Jayce was, fidgeting with the pockets of his pants, waiting outside his partner’s door when the clock was rapidly approaching their time to leave. He had called multiple times, had been waiting outside his door for almost twenty minutes with no response – he was half considering breaking in.

He approached the door and knocked again,

“Viktor? Viktor. Are you even in there? Dude, we need to get going,” Jayce said, exasperated. “If you don’t answer in 2 minutes I’m going to open the door.”

There was no sound coming from inside. Jayce made his promise, waiting 2 minutes before trying the doorknob. To his surprise, the door opened with a soft click.

He opened the door slowly, immediately noticing the inside of his room was dark. Jayce had not been in Viktor’s dorm in a while – despite usually being in it almost every day for even just a few minutes, Viktor had suddenly only wanted to be in Jayce’s dorm, or at Jayce’s moms. It wasn’t the only strange behavior Jayce had been noticing lately.

Clothes covered the floor, discarded food littered everywhere on every surface, and there laid Viktor almost dead to the world on his bed, barely any clothes on, laying on his back with his neck at an awkward angle. Jayce’s first instinct was to immediately make sure he was okay; his second instinct was to be absolutely furious.

“V? V, wake up. Are you okay?!” Jayce shook Viktor with force, causing him to stir and make…weird noises. As if spit had been stuck at the back of his throat for a long time. Viktor coughed hard as he woke up, it shaking his entire body, before his eyes adjusted and he looked at Jayce confused.

“Jayce? What’s going on?” Viktor asked, and the question made Jayce horrifically angry.

“Viktor, what the hell are you talking about? Today’s the Innovator’s Competition. It’s almost 6 o’ clock, you need to get dressed as quickly as possible and then we need to go. Holy fuck you look like shit, what happened to you?” Jayce noticed the eyebags, the sweaty skin, the weird bruises on Viktor’s thighs.

“Shit Jayce I’m sorry.” Viktor produced a frustrated sigh, “I forgot to set an alarm for my nap. I’ll-fuck-hurry up.” Viktor struggled to get out of bed, gripping his cane awkwardly before pulling his freshly cleaned suit out of the closet and fumbling his way into the bathroom to get dressed. Jayce followed him.

“Let me help you, you look awful…are you hungover?” Jayce invited himself into the bathroom, pulling the pants off the hanger and waiting for Viktor to sit on the toilet. Viktor did. Jayce’s eyes couldn’t stray away from the constellations of bruises covering Viktor’s thighs as he helped him pull down his pants, couldn’t stop thinking about the weird way Viktor had been acting lately, how much worse he was beginning to look – if Jayce knew better and had the advantage of hindsight, he’d know the bruises on Viktor’s thighs were track marks. He didn’t.

“I’m…yeah. I’m sorry Jayce.” Viktor apologized, and Jayce sighed.

“It’s fine. I’m going to help you get dressed, we’re going to quickly get you water and a snack from the vending machine on the way there, and it’ll be fine. We can still make it on time.” Jayce was speaking mainly to reassure himself as he helped Viktor button his shirt and pulled the suit jacket over him. He fidgeted with Viktor’s hair, putting it into place, and sighed, finally smiling. “You look great, Viktor.”

“…Thank you. You look er…very handsome.” Viktor struggled to look at Jayce, ashamed. Of what, Jayce didn’t know. Oversleeping? Being hungover? Whatever it was, Jayce was just happy Viktor was going to be there with him. Today was going to be one of the happiest days of Jayce’s life, whether or not they won. A little hiccup wouldn’t ruin anything.

Jayce and Viktor both attempted to speedily make it to the competition. Jayce quickly bought water and a snack for Viktor on the way there, and they…were right on time.

Despite Viktor’s disheveled state originally, they both got up on that stage and for the first time Viktor was sharing Jayce’s spotlight. Viktor had a whole speech prepared, and while he stumbled at first – Jayce looked at him comfortingly to encourage him, and Viktor persevered. If Jayce was being honest, Viktor looked so attractive under that spotlight. It took ages of convincing from Jayce for Viktor to finally agree to be up on stage with him, even more convincing for Viktor to speak. Every word out of Viktor’s mouth made Jayce fall even more.

It didn’t take long for Jayce to fall for Viktor. In fact, the day they met when Jayce had awoken Viktor from that nap in the lab had Jayce hooked immediately. Jayce knew Viktor was hesitant, and Jayce was no stranger to the rumors that followed Viktor around – but Viktor had been one of Jayce’s only true friends. Viktor was one of the kindest souls Jayce had ever met.

Jayce would never forget a few months ago, when Jayce had fallen ill with another case of the college flu – his lackluster college diet causing him to lack the nutrients needed to fight off the flu season. Jayce didn’t even give Viktor the details – just texted him telling him he was sick and wouldn’t be to class that day and then curled into bed shivering like a leaf.

An hour later, a knock at his door woke him up from a sweat-inducing fever dream. The door opened, and in walked Viktor, holding a takeout soup container, a pharmacy bag, and an icepack.

“Do you have a fever?” Were the first words out of his mouth, and Jayce nodded.

“I think so…wait don’t you have class?” Jayce questioned, surprised that Viktor would skip class just to check in on him. Viktor was always punctual.

“Yes, but it was just notes – I can find them online. Let me take your temperature…”  Viktor spent the next hour feeding Jayce medicine and soup, setting him up with an icepack, and then doing his notes in the corner of Jayce’s dorm as Jayce napped.

Jayce had fallen head over heels for Viktor. He had memorized most of how Viktor acted, his colloquialisms, his body language, the way his face looked when he was speaking. Jayce was able to tell when Viktor was joking now, most of the time.

So, Jayce noticed quickly when things started changing, subtly. Viktor was showing up late to class – at first only by a few minutes, but more recently was missing entire blocks of class. His physical appearance looked worse. His clothes looked as if they were going unwashed. Worse, Jayce felt Viktor was pulling away from him.

It hurt Jayce more than he’d admit – but he didn’t know how to broach the topic with Viktor. Especially during the Innovator’s Competition.

He especially couldn’t talk about it when they got first place.

Viktor looked at Jayce with an expression of overflowing joy. Jayce looked at Viktor back with the same expression. They held that trophy – and their grant for the project – as photo after photo was taken of them. Confetti was raining down all over the auditorium. Viktor for the first time in a while looked happy, excited, full of joy. Jayce would not, under any circumstances, crush that.

During the celebratory party, Jayce and Viktor both had a little too much to drink. Jayce couldn’t stop himself – I mean, they won the fucking Innovator’s Competition. The project that almost got Jayce expelled had won him a grant to pursue this project, with Viktor at his side. They were going to change the world, why not get drunk at a party?

Viktor and Jayce were hanging out in a secluded corner away from the buzz, both getting overstimulated and also wanting a moment to themselves. Viktor was hammered, his face red with the flush of alcohol. He looked the happiest he’d been in weeks. Jayce feasted on him with his eyes, the alcohol kicking up the part of his brain Jayce fought hard to ignore sober. Blood rushed to his crotch.

“Jayce…Jayce…” Viktor slurred, leaning against the couch they had found. His voice had a teasing tone. “You look…like the epitome of a college student.”

“You look stunning.” Jayce responded, almost absentmindedly. He had too much confidence right now, his first indicator that he had overdone it. Viktor’s already flushed face got even more red, he nursed the drink in his hand.

“You too.” Viktor finally answered after a little bit of silence.

“Thinking of getting out of here soon…already fighting the nausea…” Jayce admitted. Viktor looked disappointed.

“Oh…think I could come with?” Viktor asked, his drunk hazy eyes staring at Jayce. “Don’t wanna go back to my dorms, n’ it’d be a shame for the night to end here.” Viktor’s accent got thicker when he was drunk, a trait Jayce would thank every deity for if he could.

“Are you sure you could make it back to your dorm that late? And this drunk?” Jayce cocked his head, and Viktor sighed.

“Probably not.” Viktor looked so disappointed, and Jayce felt awful. Luckily, Jayce being drunk and having more confidence had its perks.

“You could sleep with me.” Jayce said bluntly, causing Viktor to turn five times redder. It took Jayce only half a second to see why. “Oh, no no, not like that – I mean like. We could…sleep in the same bed. Share a bed.” Jayce quickly corrected himself, but for some reason that made Viktor blush more.

“You…would let me?” Viktor eyed Jayce curiously, and Jayce almost looked offended.

“Of course, V – why wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend.” Jayce helped Viktor stand up, and they began the trek back to Jayce’s dorm. Jayce stumbled; Viktor had to lean almost all his weight onto his cane. They were both lucky that Jayce’s dorm was so close.

As soon as Jayce and Viktor arrived, Jayce immediately went to throw up while Viktor messed with his leg brace lazily to take it off. When Jayce was done, he walked over to his bed to see Viktor already lazily under the covers, on his side, his leg and back brace haphazardly on the floor. He looked up at Jayce.

Jayce stopped in his tracks – the image in front of him immediately making him feel all sorts of sinful ways. Viktor was mostly under the covers, his mouth and the tip of his nose covered by the blanket, revealing only the bridge of his nose, eyes, and hair. His pupils were fully expanded, and if Jayce wasn’t so drunk he’d swear that Viktor had some sort of…pleading expression on his face.

“You sure this is okay?” Viktor mumbled; his words dampened by the blanket over his mouth.

“Yeah,” Jayce tried not to read too into the scene before him. This beautiful, beautiful man under his covers.

Jayce had never felt this way for anyone before. He knew the way he felt for men was the same way he felt about women, but only in passing. Jayce had never genuinely fell in love with a man. Homophobia was luckily a thing he had never encountered being raised by his loving mother – but part of him still hesitated.

Viktor was so comfortable in his sexuality and gender. He wasn’t openly trans or gay, but Viktor had told him a few months into knowing each other – and Jayce of course, like any reasonable person, was fine with it. However, it led Jayce to think about his own sexuality. So far, he didn’t really have a specific label. He was aware most people saw him as straight, and he was fine with that.

It was when Jayce started feeling these things for Viktor that he knew he was most likely bisexual, pansexual, one of those labels. He didn’t know nor care enough to label it – at this point he was sure the only person who could make him feel this way was Viktor, but that didn’t count as a sexuality as far as he was aware.

Why was Jayce thinking about this right now? Well, he was drunk for one and also realizing he had drunkenly invited his best friend who he was falling for over to sleep in the same bed as him, and his best friend accepted it.

Jayce awkwardly crawled into bed with Viktor. The twin sized college mattress creaking under their combined weight and leaving little wiggle room. Viktor was facing Jayce as he stared at the ceiling.

“You should sleep on your side, especially if you’re throwing up.” Viktor said, face still half hidden under the covers. Jayce groaned but turned to face Viktor. Their faces were so close.

“You reek of whiskey,” was Jayce’s first words, and Viktor giggled.

“Well, your bed provides little space, and I am not getting up to sleep elsewhere.” Viktor mused, and Jayce chuckled.

“…Sorry about the lack of space.” Jayce looked at Viktor, trying to see if he was uncomfortable. His brain foggily reminded him of earlier that night – waking Viktor up from his apartment and the concerning things he had noticed, but Jayce quickly pushed that away. Right now, all he wanted was Viktor in his arms.

“I have slept in worse conditions, and you are also quite warm. It’s nice. Usually, I’m freezing,” Viktor smiled. “It’s like having my own personal radiator under the sheets.”

“I’m glad…” Jayce wanted to risk it. He thought about risking it... and he risked it. Jayce slowly moved closer to Viktor, enough to where Jayce had to move himself up to accommodate Viktor’s space. His head now looking down, above Viktor. Viktor was practically pressed against Jayce’s chest. To Jayce’s surprise, Viktor just snuggled into it.

“This is…nice.” Viktor responded, “Though it doesn’t help the rumors that we are…partners in a romantic sense.”

“If you don’t mind it – I don’t.” Jayce looked down at the man practically in his arms, what was probably a stupid, goofy smile on his face. “Plus…I don’t really mind those rumors anyway. So what if we’re dating? Which we aren’t! But you know what I mean…it wouldn’t like, change anything…” Jayce’s brain was begging him to shut the fuck up.

“Right.” Viktor responded, avoiding eye contact with Jayce. He seemed restless and fidgety – scratching at his wrists. “We aren’t dating,” was all Viktor said after that.

“Right.” Jayce subconsciously copied Viktor. Even if they weren’t dating, cuddling Viktor like this was nice. Jayce pulled him closer, enough to slot Viktor’s head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around Viktor. “This is still okay, right?”

“Mhm,” Viktor nodded, “though you are ruining my plans of staying up late.”

“You look like you need the sleep anyway.” Jayce gently pulled Viktor away a little bit to run his fingers over Viktor’s eyebags. Having Viktor this close was reminding Jayce about how much he cared about this man; how much he loved him and how concerned Jayce was. He thought about how to approach the topic lightly, trying not to ruin the night. “I…just want to make sure, we don’t have to talk about anything but are you okay? You’ve been coming into class late…which is strange because I know how punctual you are. You also look like you haven’t been sleeping and just…I don’t know.”

Viktor felt stiff against Jayce’s arms; he looked like a deer in the headlights. He cleared his throat, and this close up Jayce felt like Viktor wasn’t actually looking at him in the eye.

“I…” Both of them were too drunk right now, that much was clear, but the fact Jayce wasn’t sober just made him all the more anxious about his partner, his best friend. He needed to know Viktor was okay. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”

Jayce thought multiple things at once in very rapid succession. Viktor didn’t think Jayce would notice what? Why didn’t Viktor think Jayce would notice whatever it was? Did Viktor not know how much Jayce cared? Was Jayce that bad at showing it?

“Viktor, what do you mean? What am I noticing?” Jayce looked down at Viktor, pleadingly.

“I…can’t tell you right now. I’m sorry Jayce. I’m not ready…but…” Viktor sighed, “I appreciate you.”

“You don’t have to tell me – but still, I care about you Viktor, and whatever it is will not change that. You are the best person I ever met, I mean, without you none of what happened tonight would have happened. I owe you everything, my entire livelihood. You…complete me.” Jayce didn’t realize how affectionate he was getting, running his hands through Viktor’s hair absentmindedly.

“You complete me.” Viktor responded, seemingly not minding Jayce’s fingers getting tangled into his hair.

Viktor looked up at Jayce, Jayce looked down at Viktor. Jayce suddenly had the overwhelming urge to pull Viktor’s face close to his, firmly place his lips against Viktor’s, cup his cheeks as he showed Viktor how much he cared in a way that couldn’t be communicated with words. Instead, Jayce smiled at him.

“Tomorrow, we start changing the world.” Jayce gently pulled Viktor close to him again.

They slept in the same bed that night, getting tangled up to the point where it was hard to tell whose limb belonged to who, where one started and ended. Jayce woke up the next morning to Viktor asleep in his arms, almost curing the raging hangover immediately. Instead of regretting inviting his best friend to sleep with him in his dorm, he instead looked down at him, and with a soft smile began petting his hair.

‘You complete me.’

…

The morning of the Innovator’s Competition, after Viktor had picked up his drycleaned suit to wear to said event, he had walked to his dorm as normal only to start coughing. At first, it was troublesome, a few coughs separated by gaps of about a minute. Viktor noted that he needed to take some allergy medication.

Then, the gaps in between each coughing fit got shorter, and the coughing fit itself got longer. Soon, the only thing Viktor was capable of doing was steadying himself in his chair as his body attempted to hack up anything and everything out of his lungs. Tears ran down his face, spit shot out of his throat, drool ran down his lips.

Viktor felt useless to stop it – and he began to panic. He couldn’t do this on the most important day of Jayce and Viktor’s lives. He couldn’t disappoint Jayce. He couldn’t leave Jayce to fend for himself as he tried to get their project on the top of the ranks. Viktor promised Jayce he’d go, promised Jayce he’d speak.

As Viktor fought dizziness, oxygen unable to get into his body, he tried to fight the urge to do the only thing he knew would stop it. He had made a promise to himself to not touch shimmer today, at all. He knew he had a problem, but was foolish enough to convince himself that he could manage it. That he ‘knew the time and place.’ Yet, Viktor couldn’t help but think – maybe this was happening because he hadn’t. Maybe, the shimmer was treating his illness; putting it at bay, and now Viktor was used to this new, subdued version of it. One small dose wouldn’t hurt, wouldn’t kill him. Nobody had to know.

Viktor shakily yet quickly drew the dose up, fighting the overwhelming urge to vomit or faint as his throat started feeling raw and hurt from each cough, the saliva coating his throat running thin. His hands shook uncontrollably as he tried to find a new, unused spot to inject – finding none and just picking a random place. He stabbed the needle into himself, pain radiating through him from the overused injection site, but he pushed through, grit his teeth and pushed down on the plunger.

Within seconds, the coughing stopped. Viktor leaned back on his chair, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. He let the euphoria wash over him – the pain in his hips and leg slowly eroding away, and his lungs feeling renewed as if he wasn’t coughing himself into oblivion moments before. The feeling was addictive, giving Viktor the opportunity to fantasize, to pretend that he wasn’t what he was.

Exhaustion set in quickly. Viktor slowly stumbled his way into bed, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. ‘I’ll take a quick nap, and start getting ready for tonight,’ Viktor sleepily thought to himself. In his haze, he forgot to set an alarm.

That night, after Jayce had woken him up and helped him get ready – despite his partner’s apparent anger – Viktor had felt guilty. He was still high but somehow had managed to pull through his speech. He thought it was shoddy work, but the crowd seemed to enjoy it, and Jayce wouldn’t look away from Viktor, a smile absolutely crowding his face.

Viktor didn’t know the effects of mixing shimmer and alcohol, but he didn’t care. Viktor had done his due diligence, mingled with the people he should have, rubbed shoulders with wealthy investors who had come to poach the bright minds of the Academy, and now he was standing at the edge of the party, five high percentage alcohol drinks down and people-watching.

His eyes were scanning for someone specific – the golden boy, the future of Piltover, Jayce Talis. It was when his eyes landed on him that he saw who he was talking to, Mel Medarda.

Viktor watched, interested. He was still confused on how to feel about her – of course, he was jealous of her. Jealous that she could have what he couldn’t, jealous that Viktor would always be stuck as the best friend in some weird platonic grey area, but also, he couldn’t blame that on her. She was beautiful, stunning, and highly intelligent. If Viktor liked women, he would have probably found her attractive as well. Plus, in every interaction they had, she was nice to him. He knew Mel was curious about him – having probably heard every single rumor under the sun about Viktor due to her popularity. He was also the only person from Zaun attending the Academy, why wouldn’t she be curious?

Yet, no matter what she heard or what preconceived notions about Zaunite’s that she held – she treated him kindly, with respect. It was only when he hung around her more that he grew to be concerned about her behavior, and the way she treated Jayce. The way she subtly manipulated the conversation, the way Jayce did things he usually wouldn’t when around her, or when that behavior started occurring even when Jayce was away from her.

Viktor knew this game, but from the opposite side of the coin. Manipulation was a tactic he learned quickly in the Undercity, purely necessary for survival. If Viktor didn’t play the game, he risked his life, however, knowing Mel’s background – Mel was born playing the game. Spoonfed on networking, knowing people to know people to get where you need. Get what you want. Even if it were through no fault of her own, Mel was saying things, things that concerned Viktor whenever she talked to Jayce around him.

Basically, Viktor was terrified that Mel would slowly eat up the Jayce he knew if they got any closer – even if Mel wasn’t aware of it. That he would be forced to watch the Jayce he fell in love with be taken, dissected, and reassembled into Mel’s perfect boyfriend, and of course Viktor couldn’t say anything. Risk overstepping into territory he didn’t belong, because Jayce didn’t feel that way for him; risk being called jealous, which this probably was jealousy.

Of course, when Jayce had invited him to Jayce’s room, and ended up cuddling him on Jayce’s bed – he felt the urge to indulge. The urge to kiss him, beg him to choose him, beg him to love him. This torture, this torture of being so close yet so far, cuddling Jayce, faces close enough to kiss yet still just being ‘best friends’ killed him.

However, he had already resigned himself to being just that. His best friend. Jayce’s awkward, Zaunite best friend, who also secretly used drugs behind Jayce’s back. Who overslept, who was dying. He resigned himself to being just the best friend, because what kind of person would ever choose Viktor to be their life partner? Viktor was dying, Viktor was depressed, Viktor lied and did horrible things behind closed doors to cope with his shitty life. Only a fool would be inclined to Viktor.

Jayce Talis was not a fool.

Chapter Text

It had been a few weeks of Jayce living with Viktor. They had settled into this awkward routine - Jayce drove Viktor to various appointments, various therapies, to the pharmacy, and when Viktor's leave at the Academy was over, he started driving him to work as well. Jayce had stated midway through that he was looking for a job to help out, and while Viktor offered to just pay him, Jayce refused. So, Jayce picked up a part-time job as a mechanic.

The schedule went as follows: Jayce would wake up Viktor as he usually slept through the ten alarms he had set. This part was easy, as Jayce woke up incredibly early. He'd assist him in getting ready; he'd already have breakfast made, or if Viktor was having a hard time getting up that morning, he'd pack up the breakfast for Viktor to take with him. Then, Jayce would drive Viktor to the Academy, drop him off, and sit there to make sure he got inside, and then Jayce would drive to work - he'd work anywhere from four to six hours, nothing super long. When his shift was over, he'd check to see if Viktor had any prescriptions to pick up and if he did - he'd go pick them up, or he'd prepare his medicine tray, or he'd clean up around the apartment, or do any of the other various things that Viktor had started struggling to do on his own, before Jayce.

He'd, at this point, start preparing dinner so that when he left to go pick up Viktor, it'd already be halfway done by the time they got back. He'd eat dinner with Viktor, and then they'd both go off to do their own things until it was time for bed. Jayce, of course, would hover around Viktor as he still had that habit of not telling Jayce if he needed any help. He'd catch Viktor struggling to get up off the couch, struggling to open medicine bottles or jars of sweet milk (whenever he could stomach it), struggling to get back on the couch.

Jayce tried not to be overbearing - he knew that was something Viktor hated, being treated like he couldn't do things by himself. He knew Viktor hated being dependent on someone, and that Jayce being here was a testament that it was getting to that point. So, he refused to tell Viktor to do things that weren't exactly necessary for Viktor's health but still would probably help. He never complained when Viktor stayed up incredibly late to the point where Jayce woke up to Viktor asleep on the couch, book open in his hand, and reading glasses dangling around his neck by the chain. He never pushed too hard on Viktor to eat, even if he only had a few bites. He never complained when Viktor stayed in bed most of the days on the weekends, and they didn't have anything to do that day.

It was a weirdly personal yet interpersonal relationship. Jayce was stepping on the line, yet not crossing it. Jayce had learned how to do Viktor's injections; he had multiple medicines that needed to be delivered that way - and it was strange. Jayce tried not to think about how he had seen horrible, horrible bruising in these same spots he was injecting into. Tried not to think about the scarring that was still there. Jayce tried not to think about how Viktor was probably thinking about that too, and neither of them spoke about it.

It was weird, helping Viktor get dressed on the especially bad days when he needed Jayce to do it - usually Jayce left that to Viktor, not wanting to invade his privacy. Moments like that made Jayce remember their college days, and the days after when he had helped Viktor get dressed as well, back when Viktor didn't really need him to, but Jayce still did. Sometimes Viktor would use Jayce as something to lean on for support, or Jayce would just straight up help him put his clothes on. That felt deeply personal, filled Jayce with warmth; meanwhile, in the present day, it felt clinical, a job to do because it was, and Jayce hated it.

What was worse was that they never really hung out or talked. Most words exchanged were 'did you take your x/y/z?' 'Let me help you with that.' 'It's time to go.' et cetera. They never hung out in the apartment either, both choosing to do their own separate things. Viktor felt miles away when it was really just a few feet. 

Almost a month in, and Jayce felt like he was wasting time, which made him feel selfish. It reminded him of the moments immediately after they stopped talking, when Jayce fell into that deep, deep depression he could barely crawl out of.

Viktor didn't know it, but it took Jayce six months to 'recover' from their falling out - recover, of course, being used loosely. After that final fight, the final 'nail in the coffin', Jayce did the only thing he knew how to do in moments like that - go see his mom. He immediately left the Academy, got into his car, and stayed with his mom. What was supposed to be a few weeks turned into months, and eventually half a year.

During this time, Jayce would barely leave his old room; he basically lived in it. His mother would come up, knock on the door, announcing she had made food, Jayce would say he'd 'come down later' but never did. He'd leave to go use the restroom and see she had left a plate outside his door, already cold. His poor mother would try to talk to him, but that made Jayce angry, causing him to lash out. Afterwards, he'd cry in her arms apologizing, and she'd just look at him understandingly and tell him it was okay, which just made him angrier - because it wasn't okay. Jayce had never felt more like a monster than in those moments, besides, of course, for the way he acted towards Viktor.

Jayce felt like he'd never be okay again. That he was permanently stuck in this spot - lashing out, crying, barely eating, barely going outside, barely leaving his room. He felt like his whole world had been taken away from him, torn up into tiny little shreds, and Jayce was just left picking up the pieces, but there were thousands of them, and he couldn't find which ones fit. He was struggling, resigned to holding the pieces of his life in front of him and having to come to terms with the fact that he'll never know which pieces go where again.

Jayce felt truly like his life was over. He had lost his job at the Academy two weeks into his stay at his mom's due to not showing up, his mother looked at him with this horrible, worried look on her face anytime she saw him, and it seemed truly like Viktor was done entirely with having him in his life. At first, Jayce just hoped it was temporary, that things just got out of hand - but then Jayce noticed he couldn't find any of Viktor's social media accounts, he had been blocked, and Jayce's calls never went through, his texts didn't send.

Jayce wanted to die, and he thought about it a lot. He'd eye the gun case in his mother's room more than once - he knew the code. Imagined himself walking into the wooded area behind his mother's house, far enough away to where she wouldn't find him, find peace within himself inside those woods, and pull the trigger.

He tried, too. After a particularly agonizing day, when his brain could not let him forget Viktor, could not forget those last few words to him, could not drop the subject, Jayce was done. He waited until his mother left, went into her room, threw the gun case onto her bed, and quickly scrolled in the code...and it didn't open. Ximena had changed the code.

His mom knew, at least somewhat, that he was struggling badly enough that she had changed the code on the gun safe. At first, it was agonizing, knowing his one out had been taken away from him, that he was visibly so depressed his mother had thought he would do that, but then he saw 'the guest room' next to his mother's room. Viktor's room. All thoughts vanished from his head.

Viktor had come over so often when they were best friends that the guest room had just become his room. When Ximena had heard that Viktor didn't have parents, she had practically adopted him, doted on him, and accepted him as one of her own. Whenever they had a school project together, wanted to hang out, or were just bored, Viktor would come over and stay, sometimes during entire school breaks. It got to the point where he had left things there - extra medicine in the nightstand, an extra cane in the closet ...clothes in the closet.

Jayce walked into that room for the first time in months - he had been avoiding it. It was just as they had left it months ago when Viktor had last come over. The bed was still unmade, there were still prescriptions on the nightstand that he hadn't put away, and the closet door was still open.

He saw Viktor's extra cane leaning against the wall, old pajamas, and t-shirts Viktor had left from the numerous nights he had slept over. Jayce felt a strange kind of numbness at seeing this scene before him. It felt like he was digging up a grave - invading this sacred space that Jayce was permanently barred from. Jayce let himself invade, let himself trespass.

He grabbed an old pajama shirt off the rack in the closet. It was this cute one, a button up and covered in woodland creatures. It was Jayce's favorite of Viktor's clothes. He mourned the fact he would never see Viktor in it again.

He smelled it - selfishly letting the scent take him back to the days before. Memories he didn't deserve to look back on, and yet he did anyway. Thus, Jayce started a new habit - whenever his mother was gone, whenever the house was empty, and it was just him wallowing in misery, he would sneak into Viktor's room, and he would smell his clothes. His mother once, four months into Jayce's stay, had asked if maybe they should return them - and Jayce knew this was the right thing to do. He knew that he was holding onto things that were not his to keep, and yet he said no. He claimed he was too angry to face the man - and he was - but he also knew that these were the last things he had of Viktor. The last pieces of evidence that Jayce once was in Viktor's life, had shared in it, and had participated. 

He didn't want to feel like he just offered to help Viktor out as a way to become friends again, obviously if Viktor didn't want to be friends again, Jayce would still do this. As much as there was still resentment, there was ten times the incredible amount of care Jayce still felt for his ex-partner, his ex-best friend. Jayce owed this to him - this person had plunged Jayce's life into success, into discovery, and progress.

Yet Viktor had told Jayce that they could maybe be friends - and Jayce clung onto that as motivation to get out of bed every day, much like he had clung onto those clothes. Motivation to go above and beyond what he needed to. He used that motivation to cook dinners that weren't just pasta and store-bought sauce, used it to actually go into that part-time job (which he was honestly starting to hate) everyday so he could get some spending money and help Viktor with his bills, even if he didn't need it, and he used that motivation to start writing notes to put into Viktor's lunches which he had started to pack for him to take to work.

Nothing much, just a little reminder like 'remember to take your meds after eating your lunch', or 'don't forget we need to pick up meds after work', or 'don't forget to eat your lunch.' Sometimes, if Jayce was feeling daring, he'd even write 'have a good day at work!' with a little smiley face. Viktor never said anything about it, but Jayce hoped it'd help bring down those thick walls that Jayce felt tower over them both, dividing them.

Even though Viktor never said anything, whenever Jayce checked the lunchbox, the note would be gone. Meaning Viktor saw it, and even if he was throwing the notes away, at least he possibly read them - at least he knew that Jayce was trying to communicate to him in some way.

Jayce was beginning to have hope, at least somewhat. Jayce never wanted to go back to who he was immediately after they had stopped talking again, and he felt as if he had come a long way since then. He knew in his heart and soul that if he had changed, Viktor had changed too.

This worried and relieved him immensely. If they had both changed and become better people, the chance of them being friends, or maybe more, was incredible. Yet, the chance of them hating each other all over again was immense as well.

Jayce could only hope it was the former…

…

Viktor was receiving the notes.

At first, Viktor stored all of them in his desk at work, in a drawer he never looked in. He didn’t want to admit it just yet, but the notes made something warm stir up in him. Affection, maybe, he wasn’t sure. Sometimes he’d open the drawer to look at a note. Most of them were reminders to take his meds, to eat, to do basic human instincts that Viktor was beginning to forget how to do. He wouldn’t be shocked if Jayce had written him a note reminding him to breathe.

The notes reminded Viktor of the sticky notes Jayce would leave around the lab when they worked together all those years ago. Things like ‘remember to flip switch before pushing button’, or ‘remember that the wirey is fucky’. Various things that made Viktor smile with a mixture of fondness, nostalgia, and regret.

Viktor hated that feeling most of the time, knowing that their fallout was mostly his fault…at least he felt that way. He wasn’t sure how Jayce felt, but he would not blame Jayce for feeling that way either.

After Viktor and Jayce stopped talking, Viktor had gone on autopilot…despite his fuck up, he was allowed to continue researching at the Academy…Jayce had unfortunately made sure of that, despite the fact that if the Academy had ever found out what Viktor had done, he would have most certainly been fired. Their project was done, effectively canned, and Viktor eventually became a professor.

What haunted Viktor the most was how much Jayce had lost, even though Viktor had done most of the damage. Viktor got to keep his job at the Academy; meanwhile, Jayce stopped showing up, resulting in an automatic firing. Viktor never saw Jayce on school grounds, in town, or just anywhere ever again.

Jayce had lost his job and seemingly dropped off the face of the planet; meanwhile, Viktor got to keep everything…but Viktor didn’t have everything. What good was his job if he didn’t have Jayce? What good was his research if he didn’t have his project, or again, if he didn’t have Jayce?

At first, Viktor went about those first few months in almost a fugue-like state…everything was on autopilot for Viktor. He was barely taking care of himself, did the work that was necessary, went home, and slept. He had, at some point in that era, managed to stop taking shimmer.

The one thing Viktor was proud of himself for, post Jayce, was quitting shimmer. Viktor could tell that Jayce still had questions about that, but Viktor was just not ready to answer them yet. Viktor wasn’t sure if he’d be ready to tell Jayce anything, as much as Viktor could tell that Jayce was trying during their reluctant ‘truce.’

All Viktor knew as of now was that Jayce was now living with him, was helping him immensely despite Viktor’s reluctance to accept said help, and was now leaving cute notes in his packed lunch like some kind of soccer mom.

Despite all signs of logic telling Viktor not to…Viktor started leaving notes back. Little notes in his lunchbox when he was done with his food, that he knew Jayce would read when he left the lunchbox next to the sink after work.

Little notes to Jayce saying things like ‘I need more of this medication’, ‘Please don’t pack this food next to this other food’, ‘Thank you for the lunch’. He knew it was drastically stupid of him, but the part of him that wanted to push Jayce away was slowly dying out…he couldn’t really push Jayce away anymore, not when Viktor had let Jayce smother him.

Even if Viktor wasn’t ready to be close to Jayce, even if they weren’t ever going to go back to the sleepovers, the restless nights in the lab, or the thousands of words exchanged with each other every day, Viktor was fine with the little notes, and so that was what they were going to do.

…

…Something was going on with Viktor.

Jayce didn’t know what, but he didn’t like it. After the Innovator’s Competition, Jayce and Viktor were practically rolling in grant money to get their invention off the ground. They had their own laboratory space, graduation was months away, meaning soon they’d have plenty of time to focus on their project, and tests were going smoothly.

However, while some days Viktor seemed like his normal self…most times he’d come into the lab late, stay late, and disappear all morning and afternoon. This awful schedule left Jayce to run things most mornings and afternoons, and when Viktor did show…he looked simply dreadful. Jayce’s girlfriend, Mel, would simply ask if Jayce had spoken to him.

Jayce had, and it was always an ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I’m just feeling under the weather’. This left Jayce more confused and more frustrated. Things clearly weren’t fine…and how long was Viktor going to feel ‘under the weather’?

Jayce was also the one running the PR side of things…Viktor never wanted to attend any of the galas, parties, or other affairs that Viktor had apparently decided did not suit him. Whenever Jayce asked, Viktor immediately shot it down. Jayce knew Viktor was scared of the backlash; he was a Zaunite after all…but the Innovator’s Competition made it clear that Viktor could do it, and people would listen to him…

Jayce was just confused, angry, and worried. He knew Viktor was ill, and knew that the illness could fluctuate, could be worse some days and better others, but this seemed more than Viktor’s illness…if anything, it seemed as if Viktor’s illness was improving some days.

His concern only grew when he noticed Viktor was running low on money. Jayce knew of Viktor’s financial struggles, but he was being paid immensely not only as a star student scientist at the Academy, but after the Innovator’s Competition and their win, there should be no reason for all that money to vanish so quickly…

…

Viktor was low in many different ways.

The dreaded, awful feeling in his lungs was back. He could feel it - that terrible feeling he’d get with his illness, where it felt as if his lungs were filled with cotton and fluid. His leg felt as if it were being crushed by a hydraulic press, his joints feeling as if pins were inserted and hammered into the joint. The pain was agonizing.

He was low on shimmer…but not just shimmer. Money

Viktor was used to being low on money; that was a continuous plot point in the summary of his life, but he was not used to being low on money while he was supposed to be swimming in it, nor was he used to fueling a drug addiction.

He knew things had gotten out of hand; he knew things had gotten further than he had anticipated, but things were too good to let his illness progress any further. Jayce was already asking questions, already clearly worried about him. How was he supposed to help with their beloved project, their baby, their invention, if his illness was getting in the way? He can’t calibrate, can’t program, can’t weld or sauter if his joints were hurting, if he was hacking up a lung…

He couldn’t fix his leg, couldn’t fix his illness, but he could delay it. He could put a pause on his illness this way. He wanted Jayce to see him as useful, a perfectly running cog in the machine, not a rusty, broken cog stopping the whole project. Viktor couldn’t risk this.

Viktor paced his dorm room, as well as he could with his cane, as the crickets chirped outside his window, and the moon gloomily lit the clouds. He had only one dose of his shimmer left…and he was trying to think of where to get the money to get more doses. The only account where he knew he had money was Jayce’s and Viktor’s shared grant account for the project, and that was a line Viktor would simply never cross.

Viktor knew he didn’t have much time in his life. He’d already told Jayce that fact, and while Jayce didn’t seem to mind, Viktor did. This was his creation, too, and he wanted to be selfish. He wanted this project; he wanted Jayce.

Jayce was dating Mel now, and while Viktor didn’t dislike Mel, he disliked the feeling. Jayce was going to all of these parties that Viktor would never feel like he belonged to, and that Jayce would have normally made fun of. Viktor knew it was important to network, but now it was usually Viktor in the lab, working god awful hours as his sleep schedule was in shambles. Jayce usually took the lab in the mornings, and Viktor took it in the evenings. Viktor could never wake up in the mornings anymore.

He was having a hard time telling the difference between what was the shimmer addiction’s fault and his illness. He felt as if he was unraveling at the seams, pulling the string that left him dethreaded and broken, and he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

Viktor, however, was finding it harder not to cross that line.

…

Jayce looked out at Viktor from the kitchen as he finished up on some dishes. It was golden hour, and as the sun was setting over the horizon, Viktor sat in his little chair with Honey in his lap, the golden light making Viktor look almost angelic as he read his book. Over the past month of Jayce’s observation of Viktor, Jayce knew this was Viktor’s designated ‘reading time’. After work and dinner, where Viktor would eat very little, he would read in his little sofa seat near the window. Honey always sat in his lab. A blanket would be draped over him, and he would read for hours until Jayce managed to pester him into bed, or he would fall asleep on the sofa chair.

Jayce had a question burning in his mind, a question that had remained unanswered ever since Viktor had first reached out to him in that email a month ago.

Would they ever open the project again?

As Jayce pondered the question, his thoughts were interrupted by that familiar voice, the voice that could pull Jayce out of any train of thought at whim.

“You’re staring,” Viktor said, not looking up from his book, even with the conversation he was starting. “What’s on your mind?” He asked.

Jayce thought he would never have asked.

“Well…I was thinking about your will.” Jayce admitted, hanging the kitchen rag down on the oven door handle. “...You said you were giving me the project.”

“I did,” Viktor admitted, finally putting the book down and making eye contact with Jayce across the room. “...You’re wondering if you are allowed to continue the project? Because you already signed your section of the will…a little after you moved in. You can start working on it whenever you’d like.” Viktor explained, petting Honey as he spoke.

“Well, that’s the thing. I’d like to work on it…it’s just…” Jayce tried, unable to finish his sentence, suddenly nervous about his words.

“It’s just?” Viktor cocked his head, curious about what Jayce was going to ask.

“I want to work on it with you, again. It’s not just my project.” Jayce finally admitted, rubbing his arm nervously as he spoke. He could see the shock run quickly across Viktor’s face, as much as Viktor tried to maintain his neutral demeanor. “It’s just as much my project as it is yours. It would be wrong of me to work on it without you.” 

“Jayce…I’m sick.” Viktor began, before he was interrupted again by Jayce.

“I know, and I’m not asking you to pull what you used to pull with the sleepless nights and the stints working for days in the lab running on nothing but ramen and coffee, but…I’d at least like to see you in the lab…maybe bounce a few ideas off of each other.” Jayce spoke softly, knowing this was a sensitive topic for Viktor. He continued to fidget with his hands nervously before walking over to the living room from the kitchen, taking a seat on a sofa near Viktor.

“I know how much the project meant to you, and while I didn’t know it then, I do know now that you clearly cared about the project…despite your issues…and I care about the batteries just as much. I want my partner back, even if we’re in this…weird relationship thing where we aren’t really…friends.” Jayce explained, awkwardly bringing up their complicated relationship status.

Viktor looked at Jayce, an unreadable expression on his face as he thought about Jayce’s words. He finally opened up his mouth to speak after a long silence.

“I won’t be as useful. I wouldn’t be able to do some of the things I used to do, and I still won’t attend any of those galas, especially now.” Viktor laid forth some of his boundaries before finally answering. “...but you’re right when you say I cared about that project a lot, and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to begin working on it again, even if it would be more… part-time for me now.”

Jayce felt fireworks explode inside of him. He was getting his partner back.

“I’ll see you in the lab tomorrow,” Jayce said, unable to hide a smile.

Chapter Text

Viktor had done it...and he had felt awful.

He had held out as long as he could, doing everything in his power to not touch that grant money. He made his last dose last as long as humanly possible — and when he ran out, he swore he would never touch shimmer again, that it was going too far if he was considering touching the grant money. That he needed to put a stop to it, that surely there were other ways to make his illness and its symptoms cease.

But then he woke up one morning and began to feel that feeling he had grown to dread — the feeling of his body eating itself alive. The feeling of his leg burning, aching, decaying as if it was a corpse's limb attached to him at the seams. His lungs felt as if he was drowning in himself, his body stiffening and rickety. It was the first time he had not shown up at the lab since the Innovator's Competition.

He had never hated the body he was born in more than in that moment.

He had spent most of that day crying, wallowing in his misery. He curled up in the fetal position on his side, sobbing, begging and pleading for it to go away. He couldn't leave his bed, could barely will himself to move the inoperable machine that was his body to go to the restroom in his dorm. He pleaded to whatever fucking higher being that was up there to kill him, to end it now.

And Jayce had never come to check in on him.

It was such a selfish, agonizing thing to notice — he knew Jayce was busy all the time now. Their project getting funded, and being a team of only two meant that one of them needed to do PR. One of them needed to socialize, to network.

One of them also had a life. One of them wasn't disabled. One of them wasn't a Zaunite. One of them knew how to socialize.

He knew that Jayce would have checked on him if he wasn't busy...and yet he had never needed him more in his life than he had needed him now. He needed Jayce so bad, needed someone to comfort him through the pain and agony.

The only thing that could do that for him right now was shimmer.

The thought was so dangerous, so wrong and he knew it. He knew that shimmer was beginning to eat him alive much like his illness was — knew that it was an addiction. Knew that it wasn't stopping his illness, only masking it…but he began to rationalize it in his moment of suffering, unable to put up walls anymore, willing to do anything to get the suffering to stop.

How else would he operate in the lab without shimmer? His pain fluctuated, there were good days and bad days — but what if this was a sign that there were soon to be more bad days than good days? Shimmer had made every day a good day…even if it meant waking up later in the morning, and looking like shit, he at least could get out of bed and work. Without shimmer, how would Jayce be able to handle the workload? How would Jayce be able to work on their project?

The project was their baby, their life's work. It was so close to completion, so close to rocketing them into the careers of science, of discovery. If shimmer delayed Viktor's decline for at least a few years, Viktor could meaningfully contribute. Viktor could actually help — he would no longer be the sickly, disabled, worthless Zaunite that everyone else in Piltover saw him as.

…Jayce might actually love him. Jayce might be able to see past his illness, his decline. Jayce might see somewhat of a future with him.

Viktor's sobbing turned into soft hiccups on the bed, his pillow thoroughly stained with his tears. He sniffled, desperately wiping the tears off his eyes as he struggled with his morality, with his ethics. He knew in his heart of hearts that what he wanted to do was wrong — knew in his heart of hearts that he would have to lie to Jayce, that he would betray his trust, betray everyone.

But oh, how he wanted to be useful. How he wanted to be loved. How he wanted to pursue his dreams.

He truly, at the time, saw it as the only way. So when he secretly pulled a hundred dollars out of the grant account, he tried to ignore the sickening guilt that threatened to swallow him whole.

The grant money was more money than he had ever seen in his entire lifetime. $500,000. A hundred of that was nothing…and he could replace it. He could easily replace the hundred dollars…he could use his scholarship money, could use any support money he got in from the school. It was just a loan.

He would've paid it back too…if he didn't go to the lab the next evening to see Jayce, waiting for him.

…

Jayce was standing in the lab. A sentence Jayce never thought he would ever think again.

Jayce was standing in the lab with Viktor. Another sentence Jayce never thought he would ever think again.

Viktor was sitting at his desk, dusty and clearly unused, going over their life's work, rereading it to catch himself up.

Getting ready to resume their life's work.

Even though this was the room where it had supposedly ended.

Jayce meanwhile was taking the time to walk around their old lab, thinking of all the memories he had here, all the countless sleepless nights, the countless times spent tinkering, thinking, hypothesizing. The countless laughs, drinks, games and tomfoolery Viktor and Jayce had gotten away with when they weren't busy hunched over textbooks and projects.

He had truly missed it, and he was truly using every single ounce of willpower he had to not break down into tears.

He went over to his old desk, the desk now standing caked in dust, unused, and undecorated. He had not returned for his desk items…so he could only imagine they had been stuffed into a box somewhere, or had been tossed away, long gone.

He went to sit in the chair, and noticed it was not as dusty as the desk. He chose to ignore that.

He sat in his old desk chair, and stared at Viktor from across the room, chewing on his pen as he went over their project, occasionally making notes and humming something in curiosity. Occasionally he'd mumble to himself, Jayce unable to hear what he was saying.

Jayce felt a desperate urge to fill the silence. Despite the memories, this was nothing like their old times in the lab. Usually it was filled with talking, and when it wasn't filled with talking their bodies were moving in tandem with each other…a fluid dance of unspoken words as they worked on something together, or moved around the room. Now it felt as if the life had been sucked out of it.

…or maybe the life had just been sucked out of Viktor. This suddenly made Viktor desperately want to speak.

“Uhm…so how's it looking?” Jayce asked nervously, looking at Viktor, who was only across the room but felt entire universes away.

Viktor glanced up at him, sighing before leaning back in his chair. “Well…we certainly were young when we wrote these notes, weren't we?” Viktor said, his tone neutral but Jayce tried to hope he was making an attempt to be humorous. “...Do you still sign every single page of your notes?” Viktor asked, cocking his head at Jayce.

Jayce flushed in mild embarrassment, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “Well…I don't take many notes anymore, but uh, I only did it at the time cause I thought it was professional, I guess?” Jayce awkwardly chuckled, trying to cut through the tension of the room. “You can't entirely blame me. I was in my early twenties.”

Viktor didn't chuckle, but he nodded his head in a gesture that communicated an ‘I guess you're right’ before he flipped the page.

Suddenly Jayce heard it, the slightest ghost of a chuckle, nothing more than a few nose exhales. His head careened towards Viktor. He hadn't seen Viktor express much amusement at all since they had started talking again.

“What is it?” Jayce suddenly asked, getting up from his chair and slowly approaching Viktor, desperately hoping this was one of the rare opportunities to get close again.

“Oh…nothing. Nothing. You'll find it embarrassing.” Viktor responded, and as Jayce got closer he could see it…the slightest amused smile on his face. Words could not express how much he had missed that.

“Well…I'd like to know…even if it shames me a little.” Jayce responded, taking a seat directly across from his desk in one of the many chairs strewn about the place. Viktor glanced up, suddenly noticing how close Jayce was.

He looked at the page he was looking at, making another slight noise of amusement, before he flipped the book around so Jayce could read it.

His face was absolutely drained of embarrassment as he saw what Viktor was chuckling at — but he was also so, so thankful that they now had something to break the suffocating tension that had filled the room since they both had stepped foot in there.

It was a polaroid, a photo of Jayce at one of the many parties that Viktor and Jayce had attended, similar to the one Jayce had found when he was going through his room. It was him, clearly drunk as all hell, in front of a whiteboard at a party, trying to help fellow classmates with their homework.

The handwriting on the whiteboard was almost illegible, and Jayce had completely blacked out, having no memory of that happening. When he awoke the next morning, several people had come up to him the next day, thanking him for assisting with their tests or their homework. Jayce was confused for the whole day, and Viktor thought it was so funny he had written about it in their research notes.

Jayce couldn't help but smile at the picture, a product of his younger years…and a product of Viktor, ever the person to love documenting such embarrassing moments of him in their early years as partners.

Jayce was just happy that Viktor was laughing, especially at him.

“God, that was so stupid.” Jayce said, clutching his forehead. “I didn't even remember doing that…”

“...You had people coming up to you all day, no? ‘Thank you, Jayce! I passed my chemistry test thanks to you.’ I was there for some of them…had me chuckling the whole day.” Viktor said, his voice taking on a surprisingly amused tone.

Jayce chuckled back awkwardly, still not sure if Viktor was in the mood for friendly interaction, or if he was trying to just be kind. Even though Viktor was smiling at him lightly, Jayce had known Viktor long enough to see the guarded micro expression still on his face.

Time continued to pass slowly — Viktor continued his study of their old notes, while Jayce sat close by, looking around the room and trying to decipher the man in front of him. They had had so many deep conversations since their reunion, and yet Jayce still couldn't figure out what his goals were, what he wanted…why Viktor even wanted to be here.

Jayce used to try and convince himself that Viktor only agreed for Jayce to move in purely to have the care he needed as he deteriorated, but Viktor agreeing to work on their project again threw a wrench into that theory…and yet Jayce had a hard time believing that Viktor was attempting to get close, at least not yet.

He wondered if Viktor still thought about what happened, about what Jayce had said. Jayce knew he could apologize a million times over and it would never take back the hurt he had caused. That despite Viktor's actions, Jayce had been cruel just to be cruel. Maybe this was the karma Jayce deserved — to be right in front of the man he wanted desperately, but constantly have him right outside his grasp. To be tortured, to have all the ingredients to make his fantasy happen and yet never have the capability to combine them together.

He wondered if Viktor ever felt like that too.

They spent the next few hours quietly in the lab, Jayce slowly wondering if his hope for this to help them bond would never work. He felt the progress bar had only moved not even an inch…but progress was progress.

Viktor eventually relinquished the notes back to Jayce, immediately shuffling over to the chalkboard to begin work on the battery, Jayce beginning to sort himself through the notes too.

There were so many pages that Viktor had seen but not mentioned — how most pages had little notes in the margins of the paper, filled with banter, funny criticisms, jokes, and frustrated remarks. How Jayce used to doodle on some of the notes, little pictures of things around him…some of them being Viktor.

Jayce was doing his best to catch himself up on the research they had done before it stopped, but couldn't help himself to getting distracted by the feelings of the memories on the pages. He wished to climb inside of the paper, come out the other side in the time it was written, revisit the period where the lab wasn't this stagnant, dead air.

How beautiful it would be.

…

Viktor tried to ignore the nausea he felt at reviewing the notes, his hands gliding against the chalkboard as he attempted to redraw the schematics of their prototype. He knew that going over their research would produce unsavory feelings, but he didn't expect the melancholic nostalgia, the emptiness and numbness of looking back to a time where his clock was not stuttering agonizingly close to the end.

Looking at the expression on Jayce's face as he reviewed the research revealed that Jayce was feeling much of the same…Jayce was not very good at having a poker face.

Vulnerability was something Viktor was not very good at. Being vulnerable in Zaun meant having all sorts of horrible things happening to you, and so Viktor as a child learned very quickly to build walls as high as a skyscraper and never once let them down. He also learned to never be fooled twice — if you press a button and it shocks you, why would you press it again?

Jayce was the only person that Viktor had ever let past the skyscraper of brick, and it was overwhelming how quickly he had managed to carve a little entryway for himself into Viktor's sanctuary. Viktor could be himself around Jayce, never once feeling as if his guard constantly had to be up. Yet, as quickly as those defenses lowered around Jayce, the quicker they rebuilt themselves as soon as they stopped talking.

Viktor had told himself that he would never push that button again. He blocked Jayce on everything, he hid away all of the items involving Jayce — things Jayce had given him, pictures of Jayce, things that just screamed Jayce even if it didn't necessarily belong to him.

Because amongst everything Viktor had ever experienced in his life, somehow Jayce's absence had hurt the most. It was breathtaking how, out of all of the awful things that Viktor had gone through, in that moment Jayce's shadow loomed over it all, and Viktor was determined to never get hurt in that way ever again.

He had promised himself not to push that button.

But a dying man can only hold onto the past for so long, and things have changed. Jayce, despite how awful Viktor had been, took care of him, and it lacked the usual clinical care that Viktor would have received if he had hired a live-in nurse. Jayce watered his plants with a focus, did Honey's litterbox despite how much Viktor knew he hated litter boxes. All of these tasks were done with the soft gaze of someone who adored the person they were taking care of.

Like the lunchbox notes.

Viktor snapped out of his focus as he drew the diagram, noticing that Jayce was almost done reviewing their notes. He spoke before he could stop himself this time.

“I appreciate you, Jayce.” Viktor suddenly said, quickly trying to hide his shock at his words by keeping a stoic and neutral expression.

Jayce's eyes immediately shot up, his focus fully on Viktor as he sat up in his chair. He didn't say anything for a good minute.

“...Thank you.” He simply replied, clearly taken aback by Viktor's words.

…

Jayce walked into the lab that morning, tired but not exhausted. He quickly got to work as usual, doing his morning routine.

He walked to the coffee machine and made a cup of coffee. Usually he'd make two, but Viktor never showed up in the morning anymore. When his coffee was done, he did checks on all of the machines they needed to ensure they were operational. He walked by his desk, past his open laptop to grab his tool box to begin work before he stopped.

His open laptop.

Jayce was usually never one to notice such details, but something just felt off in that moment, and now he knew why. His laptop was not supposed to be open. He knew for a fact that he had closed it and plugged it in the night before, because that's what he did every night.

He walked over to his desk, looking at his laptop with a sense of mild concern. He wasn't super protective over his things in the lab, and in the back of his mind he knew that it was probably just Viktor needing to borrow it real quick for a task, but something in his brain just compelled him to check, and so he did.

He sat at his desk, rubbing the touchpad to get the screen to turn on. He took a sip of his coffee, rubbing his eyes briefly before they focused onto the page on the screen.

As the page came into view, his concern only heightened. It was the bank account for their grant, a confirmation page confirming the withdrawal of money into another bank account. It wasn't a lot of money compared to the size of their grant, only a hundred dollars, but now he had questions. A lot of questions.

His first thought was that someone must have come into the lab, logged into Jayce's computer and managed to have signed into the bank account…but there were so many safeguards in place to prevent that from happening. Jayce's laptop had a password, the log in information for the bank page was not saved, and it required a pin for every action that could ever be taken with the money.

The only person who knew all that information? Viktor. But why would Viktor take a hundred dollars from the grant money? Why send it to his personal bank account?

Jayce was not angry, no, he was more concerned. Did this have something to do with Viktor's weird, random financial struggles? Why didn't he just ask Jayce for some help?

This further fueled the frustration and fear for his best friend. All of the warning signs of Viktor's decline began to rapidly flash through his brain as he processed what he was looking at…and now he felt like something was being hidden from him. Something big enough to where Viktor felt as if he couldn't ask Jayce for money.

But why touch the grant money? Viktor was not one to steal…was he stealing the grant money? Was this actually for the project, and was Jayce just overthinking it?

Jayce got up and began to pace around the room. He knew this conversation needed to happen eventually, and now he definitely needed to have it. Viktor's weird behavior had been getting progressively worse over the months, and now he just had too many questions to not talk to him.

And so he closed out the tab, got to work and told Mel that he would not be joining her at a fundraiser tonight. That something had come up.

He waited, and waited, and waited…until he saw that familiar head of brown hair walk through the door.

He was standing near the front of the room, working on an equation before he turned and locked eyes with Viktor, and his brain struggled to process that this was his friend.

Viktor had dark eyebags that sagged underneath his half-lidded eyes. His skin was paler than usual, the slight redness to his cheeks simply vanished. His hair was messy, unkempt and he looked as if he was ready to collapse at any second.

Viktor looked just as shocked to see Jayce as Jayce was to finally see his best friend he rarely ever saw anymore.

“V.” Jayce said, turning to fully face Viktor. “It's nice to see you.”

“I didn't expect you to be here so late. I thought there was a fundraiser tonight.” Viktor replied, walking his cane over to his desk, fiddling with some papers on it. He never once looked him in the eye.

“I wanted to talk. Something important.” Jayce replied, putting the chalk in his hands down and slowly making his way over to his partner. “Would you mind?”

Viktor seemed confused and almost…anxious. A feeling Jayce had almost never seen on his partner, rarer than him crying. Viktor had the ability to hide most of his negative emotions on his face, and so for Jayce to see him anxious made him both concerned and more suspicious.

Jayce sat down across from Viktor, Viktor in turn sitting down at his desk. They both were silent for a moment, the tension in the room thick enough to cut with a knife.

“What’s going on with you?” Jayce finally asked, his tone soft yet firm. “I rarely see you here in the mornings anymore, meaning I rarely get to see you at all. You're late to most of your classes or don't show up at all. You look like a zombie…I'm just concerned.” Jayce didn't bring up the grant money, wanting to get a feel on Viktor's state before going into what he found.

Viktor didn't respond, just staring at him with a stoic expression, before replying.

“I’m okay, Jayce. I appreciate the concern. I've just been…sick, more than usual.” Viktor replied, his tone having the slightest warble that only someone like Jayce could pick up on. Jayce furrowed his brows in confusion.

“I've seen you sick, Viktor. It's never been like…this. And if this is your sickness that's fine but why haven't you said anything? You usually tell me when you're having bad days.” Jayce retorted gently, his eyes searching Viktor's face for any clues that could help him in his quest to understand his friend.

Viktor sighed, looking almost…annoyed at Jayce's persistence. He looked back at Jayce.

“Maybe I just don't want to talk about it with anyone.” He said, his tone taking on a slight edge.

Jayce immediately felt frustration rising up into his chest. He knew better than to think he was inclined to every single thing about Viktor's life…but he also knew this was something he could not ignore.

He had to just rip the band aid off.

“Why did you take $100 out of our grant?” Jayce asked, a firm tone. He had his arms crossed over his chest, his expression stern and unyielding. “You forgot to close the tab on my laptop.”

Viktor stiffened, his eyes widening at Jayce's words. He opened his mouth to speak multiple times but could only get out huffs. Finally, he managed to find his words after a few seconds.

“...I needed it for something. I was going to pay it back.” Viktor tried, his tone unusually soft for someone like Viktor. He lacked his usual unrelenting energy.

“What did you need it for? Why would you borrow from the grant instead of using your own money? Where is your money going for you to need the grant?” Jayce asked, feeling a bitterness rising within him. He didn't want to be angry, but he was beginning to be. Viktor never bounced around the topic, always upfront and honest, even if the truth was brutal. Him avoiding the topic pointed to things Jayce didn't want to think about.

Viktor made an agitated noise, beginning to fidget with the tip of his cane. His frustration at the conversation was growing increasingly more obvious.

“I can't just tell you, Jayce.” He responded, his tone sharp enough to stab Jayce with every word. “I am going to pay it back. I just needed it. As soon as I get the money, it will go back into the account. You don't need to worry about it.”

“I do need to worry about it.” Jayce snapped back, shocking himself with how loud he had been. He took a deep, shuddering breath. “You don't get to dictate what I worry about when you're my best friend and begin acting like this.” He said, trying to lower his voice and keep his cool.

Viktor winced, before taking a deep breath himself.

“Listen, Jayce. I just…I don't want to tell you.” Viktor finally replied, his eyes downcast at the floor. “It's…you'll…” He made a frustrated huff at his lack of words, clearly trying to dig around his brain for words that made sense. “I don't know how to tell you right now. I'll pay the hundred dollars back by the end of the week. Can we please just…postpone this conversation for a time I'm ready to tell you?” Viktor asked, his tone pleading.

Jayce immediately felt himself fold. Viktor seemed genuine, and while Jayce wasn't happy about the lack of answer, he knew Viktor was a man of his word. He'd tell Jayce when he was ready…at least he hoped so. 

He nodded, sighing lightly.

“Alright. That's…okay.” He paused, and made a soft smile at Viktor, trying to bring the tone of the conversation back down to a level headed state. He cancelled his plans for the evening, and hadn't hung out with Viktor in awhile… “Do you want to watch something in the lab? Take a break?” Jayce offered.

Viktor looked at Jayce with an unreadable, soft expression, before he glanced away and nodded.

“Yeah…yeah I'd like that. We haven't done anything like that in awhile, have we?” Viktor spoke.

They both prepared a movie, playing it on the small TV they had in the lab. Everything went back to how it was a few months ago, the harsh and tense conversation forgotten. Viktor even laughed and cracked a joke with Jayce.

…

Viktor felt guilty.

He had a problem, and he knew he'd had a problem, but to the extent he knew how bad it was wasn't known until now. He didn't expect Jayce to notice, didn't expect him to question.

He wanted to tell Jayce so bad. Viktor knew that Jayce wouldn't be anything except worried about him if he found out. Jayce would understand.

…But that required stopping, and he was not ready to stop. He was not ready to give up on his project due to something out of his control. He was not ready to abandon his life's work over an unfair draw of cards. How could he explain that to Jayce?

He couldn't, and so he simply wouldn't until he could.