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Chapter Text

Darkpaw had been an apprentice for two moons, and he already found himself covering his fur in stalks of sweet smelling lavender. Barkface found it amusing, more than anything, but sweet that his apprentice was taking a liking to a plant so much to keep it in his fur the whole time.

Darkpaw, although he did like the flower in general, kept it for its calming properties. It was easier to chew on the purple buds than to deal with a racing heart at the prospect of anything unfamiliar.

Plus, the dreams of Darkstripe had been frequent, and horrifying.

Deadpaw had invited Darkpaw out on a walk, while the sun was setting. Darkpaw knew it wasn’t anything special, just a walk with a friend, but he couldn’t help to expect something. He took it as a time to look for herbs and find bones. He had grown an interest in taking some of the bones, namely the skull, of his prey and keeping them in a newly-hollowed hole in the medicine den. Another thing Barkface found funny, but Darkpaw didn’t laugh at his small collection of smooth rocks.

Darkpaw didn’t ever expect that he’d like another cat. When his brothers talked about crushes, Darkpaw found the idea foreign and confusing.

But there was something about Deadpaw.

Darkpaw knew his feelings for Deadpaw were outside the medicine cat code, and he didn’t plan on taking it further than what he was already doing.

Unless…

No, I don’t think he’s reciprocating.

“I’m going to be a warrior soon!” Deadpaw repeated excitedly to Darkpaw. “Finally, caught up with Morningflower and Ashfoot!”

“I’m proud of you. You’ve been working so hard for this!”

In the following moon, Morningpaw and Ashpaw had been given warrior names, and were called Morningflower and Ashfoot. Plumclaw was expecting Aspenfall’s kits, and Flylight had taken over Tornpaw’s training, as her pregnancy was posing some complications.

And Darkpaw had saved a life.

Wrenflight’s youngest kit had come earlier than he was supposed to. Darkpaw had been scared out of his mind, remembering the pure terror and grief that had followed after Redtail was sent into early labor.

Wrenflight wasn’t as early, but it was still concerning. Darkpaw’s main job was to keep Stagleap out of Barkface’s way. Darkpaw remembered how frustrated he was when Leapardfoot kicked him out of the nursery during Redtail’s kitting. Now, trying to keep Stagleap away, he knew that any other cats were a nuisance and a stress factor.

Onekit, named for a distinctive whisker curling long and dark off his muzzle, had been delivered unresponsive. Barkface didn’t think he could save the tiny kit, but Darkpaw could. He sat for what felt like moons, massaging the kit’s chest, giving him small compressions, blowing into his mouth, as Barkface had taught him. And finally, Onekit squealed, and started to squirm. Darkpaw could almost hear the feeling of relief and joy that flooded off of Onekit’s parents. He remembered how proud Barkface had been of him, and he hadn’t been praised harder since that day, a quarter-moon ago.

Surges of pride hit him every time he entered the nursery now, watching Onekit feed and grow. Due to being premature, his development was delayed, which required the medicine cats to give him supplemental herbs.

“-Be named Deadfoot. Or if I die before then I could be Deadfur.” Deadpaw brought Darkpaw back from his memory.

Darkpaw stared back at his friend. “That’s morbid…”

Deadpaw cuffed him over the ear. “I’m kidding! I don’t plan on dying, and I’m sure StarClan’ll spare me.”

“So Deadfoot then?”

Deadpaw nodded. “Deadfoot for sure.”

Darkpaw had another question. “If you’d have kept your original prefix, what do you think your suffix would be?”

Deadpaw stared for a moment, thinking. “Hopfoot. What about you? Any suffix you particularly want?”

Darkpaw stared at the sky. Anything but Darkfur or Darkpelt. That sounds really boring.

Maybe Darkflower or Darkheart.

“Well, because you’re always covered in and smelling of lavender, you can be called Darklavender!”

Darkpaw chuckled. “That sounds silly! I don’t think lavender is even a possible suffix!”

Deadpaw shrugged. “Anything is a possible suffix.”

“Darkdove then, maybe,” Darkpaw responded again. “But that sounds weird too. I think I’d rather be named after a flower. Like Darkheather, or Darkiris!”

“Darklavender,” Deadpaw insisted, plucking a lavender stem from Darkpaw’s fur. “Why are you always covered in lavender, anyway?”

Darkpaw sat in silence, staring into Deadpaw’s curious amber eyes. He felt nervous at the idea of revealing his odd spikes of fear. “It just smells good.”

“Yes?”

Maybe he won’t judge me too hard. I mean, he is my friend. “Also, it helps to calm someone down. And I-” he stopped, feeling the familiar thud. “I don’t know why, but I feel afraid all the time. And I am right now.”

Deadpaw’s eyes softened. “Oh, that’s unfortunate. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Darkpaw shrugged, feeling better after hearing no disdain nor mean-spirited teasing in the older cat’s tone. “I don’t know.”

“Well,” Deadpaw mewed softly, “If you think of something, let me know. You’re my friend and I care about you, and I want you to feel alright too.”

Darkpaw’s face flushed, and he hid the sudden rush of glee in his fur by a quick shake. “It’s warm tonight.”

Deadpaw gave him a weird look. “But it’s almost leaf-bare.”

“My ThunderClan pelt is a bit thicker than yours, I think,” he excused, feeling embarrassed.

“Let’s get back to camp,” Deapaw said with his nose lifted to the darkened sky. “We don’t want to be caught out in the night, with leaf-bare so close.”

“Is leaf-bare pretty?”

Deadpaw nodded. “Yes, I think. The older cats say the moor’s covered with snow and the sky’s a nice grey color, and when the sun comes out, the snow’s all sparkly.”

Darkpaw closed his eyes, imagining the moor coated in a thick pelt of fluffy snow. “That sounds nice.”

“But there’s a prey shortage, so leaf-bare’s only enjoyable for the first moon. It’ll be my first, because I was kitted near the end of last leaf-bare.”

Darkpaw bounded ahead of Deadpaw, catching sight of the camp. The smell of fresh-kill was entrancing, and his belly growled. “Then we better fatten up while we can! C’mon, I bet I can make it to camp before you!”

He didn’t wait for Deadpaw to respond, and tore down the rise. Wind rippled his fur, and scents of the moor flew into his nose. He could hear Deadpaw pounding just behind him, slower because of his limp.

We’re both at a running disadvantage, with his limp foot and me, being mostly ThunderClan and a medicine cat.

But I’m sure I’m still faster than he is. He leapt into the camp, and nearly barreled into Aspenfall. “Woah, slow down little one,” Aspenfall scolded.

Darkpaw sat, heaving, smiling up at the older warrior. “I beat Deadpaw to camp.”

Aspenfall smiled. “Good job.” He glanced over his shoulder and his amusement turned into instant concern. “Deadpaw!”

Darkpaw whipped his head around to see his friend limp into camp, breathing heavy, blood gushing from his limp foot. Aspenfall was checking the apprentice, sniffing him down. Deadpaw collapsed in a heap, and Darkpaw was on him in an instant.

“I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!” he apologized over and over, licking his face and examining his paw. Deadpaw yelped as Darkpaw lapped at his gushing blood. “Get Barkface,” he ordered Aspenfall. “What happened?” He demanded of Deadpaw.

Deadpaw gasped for his breath. “I think I stepped on a rock. My paw hurts real bad.”

Darkpaw was suddenly nosed away harshly, but Hickorynose. “What in StarClan have you done to yourself, son?”

Deadpaw starred at his father. “I stepped on a sharp rock.”

Hickorynose stared at Darkpaw. “Will he be okay?”

Darkpaw nodded, knowing Barkface would be able to fix Deadpaw up. He wasn’t so confident in himself.

Barkface arrived right away. “Out of the way, Hickorynose,” he mumbled between herbs. “Darkpaw, come here.”

Hickorynose raced away and alerted Meadowslip of their son. Her eyes widened in fear as Hickorynose whispered into her ear.

Barkface coaxed Deadpaw to show his paw. “Your paw is more susceptible to major injury, because of the defect.”

Deadpaw hung his head. “Will I need to wait longer for my naming ceremony?”

Guilt stabbed Darkpaw through his heart. This isn’t fair! His folded paw isn’t even that big of a deal!

Barkface beckoned Darkpaw over, and nosed a heap of marigold towards him. “No, Deadpaw, I don’t think this will hold you back. It’s only a cut, but it is very possible that if left untreated, you can lose feeling in this paw forever.”

Darkpaw, chewing up the marigold, lurched with fear, but Deadpaw didn’t look as if he cared. “Easier on me then,” the black tom growled.

“Stay back for a moment, Meadowslip,” Barkface snapped at Deadpaw’s mother, who had come over to investigate.

“Is he going to be alright?”

“Yes,” Darkpaw mumbled, plastering the marigold over Deadpaw’s cut. Deadpaw sighed as juices trickled down into the cut.

The grey she-cat ran her tongue over her son’s ear. “Be careful out there.”

Deadpaw returned the gentle lick. “I’m being as careful as I can, Mother.”

Barkface wove a wad of cobweb over Deadpaw’s poultice. “Stay off duty for a day or two, and you should be back to normal. Meadowslip, take him to his nest and get him something to eat. Darkpaw, go give Onekit his supplements.”

Darkpaw began to walk to the medicine den to get the chamomile and borage, but Barkface called him back. “I brought them out already.”

“Thanks,” Darkpaw said as he carried the herbs into the nursery. The second he stepped in, he was flooded with memories. The smell of milk and new kits reminded him of the ThunderClan nursery. The soft earth pressed against his paws, and he remembered play-fighting with Mudkit and Tornkit.

Plumclaw’s nest was empty, and Darkpaw suspected she was out hunting. Most queens found the nursery confining, it wasn't uncommon for them to head out on typical patrols around their kits nursing and nap times.

Wrenflight’s light green eyes opened wide, and shone with affection as she laid eyes on Darkpaw. “Come so early?”

Darkpaw settled himself at the edge of her nest. “I think I came late, actually.” He sniffed at the small fur body of Onekit. He was curled up, his tiny paws held close to his face. His curly whisker poked between them. “He’ll grow up to be Onewhisker, because of that whisker,” Darkpaw commented. “Like Tornpaw and Deadpaw, his name's set for him already.”

“That’s what his father says,” Wrenflight replied. She took the blue flowered borage and swallowed it. “Be careful with Onekit. He wasn’t swallowing as well today.”

The heat of worry washed over Darkpaw’s pelt. “Should I get Barkface?”

Wrenflight shook her head, giving a smile. “Give him the camomile, and we’ll see how he is in the morning.”

Darkpaw had already begun chewing, and chewed the flowers as small as he could, so they’d fit into Onekit’s tiny mouth. Wrenflight gently nudged Onekit to Darkpaw’s paws. Onekit awoke, and mewed loudly in protest. His pink tongue stuck out of his mouth, and Darkpaw slowly placed a drop of camomile paste in Onekit’s mouth, massaging his throat to make him swallow. Onekit squealed, his nose crinkled at the taste. Wrenflight nudged him closer to her belly, letting him feed.

Darkpaw stayed near the nest, watching the kit suckle. Knowing he had saved this kit, he felt bonded to him. He’d even gotten closer with Stagleap, who had resented him when Darkpaw had first arrived. Now the warrior was nothing but kind, and did any favor Darkpaw asked of him.

He must’ve fallen asleep in the quiet and comfort of the nursery, because the next thing he knew, Ryestalk was shaking him awake. “Come on, Onekit will keep you up all night if you sleep in here,” she whispered. Darkpaw blinked and yawned, stretching out his limbs. Wrenflight was asleep, curled around her kit. Plumclaw was back in her nest, Aspenfall already nuzzled into the soft moss and snoring.

Darkpaw followed his mother out of the nursery, and Stagleap slipped in to sleep with his mate and kit. He gave Darkpaw a respectful lick on the shoulder. Darkpaw returned the notion, and Ryestalk watched with pride.

The two had left, and Ryestalk let out a long sigh as she stared up at the sky. “One of those stars should still be down here,” she muttered.

“Shrewclaw?” Darkpaw guessed, staring up at the glittering stars of Silverpelt.

The grey she-cat nodded. “He would’ve loved to meet you and your brothers. I didn’t even know I was expecting when he died.” Darkpaw pressed closer to his mother. She wrapped her tail around his back, and rested her muzzle on Darkpaw’s head. “You would’ve liked him. He was a little overbearing at times, but he would’ve been a great father. I miss him a lot.”

Darkpaw didn’t know if he could confirm it, but the way Ryestalk spoke of Shrewclaw, he could believe it. His own father was so excited for kits. Excited enough to even convince Willowpelt , he thought with a silent growl.

“I know I’ll see him in StarClan,” Ryestalk concluded quickly. “You get a meal, and go to sleep. It’s late.”

Darkpaw’s belly growled. He hadn’t eaten in a while, he was busy with herb gathering and sorting. Barkface had taught him about three new herbs, burnet, catchweed, and parsley. He could only remember that parsley could stop a queen’s milk, and he only remembered it because he was glad Willowpelt never found any of it. I would've been worse then starved then--I’d be dead! Sometimes it seemed like he had gotten the medicine cat thing down, and then Barkface would introduce more herbs and he thought he would never learn. 

Barkface was very patient with Darkpaw. He said that medicine cats learned through time and not through stress. Darkpaw would get stressed, sometimes, with all the memorizing.

The fresh kill pile was picked clean, but there were two shrews left. Darkpaw chose the larger of the two and settled down to eat. He tried his hardest to ignore the sudden flash of Stonefur, lying under Darkstripe’s bloodied paws, screaming with rage. Darkpaw’s belly lurched suddenly, and he didn’t have any appetite left to finish his meal.

Chapter Text

Bright red berries rolled in Darkstripe’s paw. “You’ve been a very good little kit, finding that ShadowClan warrior on our territory,” he mewed, purring. He kept his voice sweet as honey, betraying nothing as he sat the kit down by the bush of deadly berries. The tortoiseshell kit at his paws looked up with shimmering amber-green eyes stared back at him, sparkling with excitement and trust.

Willowpelt will pay for everything she did to me, Darkstripe thought with triumph as he showed the kit the deathberries. “You’ll love them.”

The kit looked on with awe before taking a berry without hesitation. “Thanks Darkstripe!” She chirped, chewing the red berry, juice spilling down her jaw.

In just a moment, she will be dead. Tigerstar will love me, and Willowpelt will pay. The sweet feeling of satisfaction and revenge flooded Darkstripe’s pelt, and he purred.

The kit’s face turned from one of delight to one of pain and terror in an instant. Her eyes bulged and her legs buckled beneath her body. Blood spilled from her mouth and nose, staining the pure white snow into bright scarlet puddles. She let out a cry of terror and pain, her limbs twitching and her jaws opened wide in a second scream of panic.

Yes, suffer. Suffer for all the wrongs anyone has ever done to me. Suffer for all the pain I have ever felt, pathetic kit.

“Aren’t they tasty?” He cackled at the kit once more, grasping her chin in his paws, covering her mouth and hissing in her face. “Deathberries taste of revenge, don’t they?”

The kit’s eyes closed and she screamed once more. Darkstripe sat back and watched. He would’ve run, but he wanted to watch her die. He wanted to watch her suffer. He wanted to laugh at the corpse of the kit, and leave her out for the crows to find her.

Crow-food. It’s all anyone is worth in the whole of ThunderClan. Rotting, stinking, worthless crow-food.

Darkpaw’s eyes flew open, and he gasped for air. His claws unsheathed and ripped at his nest, and his pelt was spiked up with fear. It was only a dream, it was only a dream, he repeated to himself, trying to take deep breaths. His heart was beating so fast, he thought it would burst from his chest and start flopping around on the floor.

From the looks of the camp outside the medicine den, it was way after moonhigh, but still too early to be dawn. Barkface was lying on his back, his belly exposed and his paws twitching in the air. The faint hungry mews of Onekit sounded in Darkpaw’s ears. He swallowed down a wave of vomit in his throat, the terror of his dream making him feel nauseous. He closed his eyes tight as tears spilled down his cheeks. I’m alright, I’m alright. Nothing’s going to happen to that kitten. She’s not even born yet, and may never be.

He tried to focus on the surrounding noises. The wind sighing over the hills. Onekit’s hungry chatter. The snoring of his Clanmates. The owls hooting to each other, all the way from the forest. Barkface’s steady and peaceful breathing.

There was a lavender stem stuck on Darkpaw’s scruff. He snatched it up and chewed it quickly, hoping it would calm him down. The sharp yet soothing tang bathed his tongue, and his belly settled for just a moment. Darkpaw wiped away his tears and focused on his breathing. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Deep breath in, slow, deep breath out.

As hard as he tried to forget, the image of the dying kit still lay, engraved in his mind. He didn’t want to go back to sleep, for his qualms of having another dream. He glanced over at Barkface, who looked peaceful in his deep slumber. Lucky him. I bet he doesn’t have torchering dreams about some deranged alter-self.

He couldn’t go back to sleep, even if he tried. He was wide awake now, on high alert. Every thought, every sound that passed Darkpaw’s mind was a potential threat. What if Darkstripe’s out there and comes for me?

Darkpaw, that’s silly. Darkstripe is not real. He’s not coming at all.

Stonefur died. That kit might as well die. Who else died at my paws?

Darkpaw, it was Darkstripe who did that. No need to blame yourself.

That kit is dead! I know she is! I killed her!

You’d have known if she had died. It’s all going to be fine. You can choose to believe for the best, because you don’t know what else happened.

What if she did die though?

Stop worrying about things that won’t happen!

My destiny is being re-written. Nothing has been planned! It could still happen!

Of course it won’t. You can still decide your destiny for yourself. Do you want to become like him?

Never!

Then there’s no reason to worry.

What happens if something happens that makes me end up like him?

Ryestalk’s there, she’ll protect you. She’ll keep you safe from danger, especially danger like Darkstripe.

Ryestalk can’t do everything. She can only protect me from physical danger.

She is capable of more than you give her credit for.

He debated with himself for what felt like moons. It felt strange, to be the one there to comfort his crying mind; to be the mother to himself. It made his heart cry out for Ryestalk. It made him wish to be nothing but a helpless kit, his entire life dependent on his adoptive mother. He didn’t have nightmares of Darkstripe as a kit. Under Ryestalk’s care, the only thing he ever needed to worry about was if Barkface would let him become a medicine cat. As a kit, things were simpler.

“Good morning, Darkpaw,” Barkface mewed, yawning. Darkpaw jumped, being awoken from his stupor. He stared up at his mentor, and gave a curt nod. Time sure flies when I’m scared out of my mind!

“It looks unpleasant outside today. Hopefully the three didn’t freeze out there, sitting vigil,” Barkface noted, nodding his head to the grey sky and frosty ground. The air outside was sharp with cold. The cats sleeping outside had their pelts fluffed out, and were huddled together for warmth. 

Darkpaw nodded and rose to stand by his mentor. His fear of the dream was briefly forgotten by the surge of pride for his friend. In only a half-moon after his injury, Deadpaw had finally become Deadfoot, and Sorrelpaw and Pigeonpaw were Sorrelshine and Pigeonbreeze. They had held a Singing last night, Darkpaw singing as loud as he could manage, hoping Deadfoot would hear his voice alone.

“You’re looking glum. Are you feeling alright?” Barkface questioned, examining Darkpaw’s face.

“I’m okay,” Darkpaw lied, but he didn’t think he sounded convincing. His voice quavered, and ended on a higher note. Barkface looked at him skeptically, but said nothing more on the subject.

“Well, we’re not going to learn about herbs today. We’re going to learn about poisons.”

Darkpaw felt heat rush into his head. “P-poisons?”

“Yes, poisons,” Barkface replied, stalking to the back corner of the den. “They are very dangerous, and you must know what they do to a cat, as well as how to treat it.”

“Okay,” Darkpaw answered, following his mentor to the concealed corner. There were wraps of leaves, tangled in a bunch of vines.

Barkface unwrapped the first leaf wrap and gave Darkpaw a long look. “These are called holly berries.” The bundle of leaves revealed several shiny red berries. Darkpaw jumped, thinking that they were the same berries Darkstripe used to poison the kit. But these berries were smaller, and redder.

“Yarrow, to make them sick?” Darkpaw questioned, resisting the urge to poke at the colorful, bright berries.

“Yes, but usually the berries will make a cat vomit on their own. They’ll have bad belly and digestive problems for a day or two afterwards.” Barkface winced. “Watermint and juniper berries are usually the best remedy.”

“Why are they so red?”

Barkface rolled the leaf again before answering, “To let other animals know that they’re dangerous.”

Darkpaw sniffed the wrap again, entranced. Plants can do that? What else can a plant do?

“Every cat knows the danger of the plants, but we still must be cautious. If a kit finds any of these, there is a high chance that they may try to taste them.”

That kit didn’t know the danger. If she had been just a little older, Darkstripe wouldn’t have been able to touch her. She would’ve known the dangers immediately and she would run screaming for her mother.

A sudden jolt of shock hit Darkpaw as he remembered what Darkstripe had snarled. Could that kitten be my sister?

Why would Darkstripe ever harm a kit? And his own sister, even! She did nothing wrong!

“Darkpaw! Focus!” Barkface mewed hastily, pointing with a claw at a pink flowering plant with dark berries. “You need to know stuff like this!”

Darkpaw hung his head in shame, and gazed upwards at Barkface’s frustrated yellow gaze. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

Barkface didn’t answer, and pointed at the plant again. “This is nightshade. It’s also known as Belladonna.”

“Does it cause vomiting?” The younger cat guessed.

“Vomiting, tremors, drolling, bad belly, and rapid dehydration,” the older responded. “We use yarrow and give them tons of water.”

“All of these sound the same,” Darkpaw observed. “And we treat them the same way.”

Barkface nodded. “Exactly. What we can do is limited; yarrow is the most efficient method. We give it to them and hope for the best.”

Did Spottedleaf or any other medicine cat give the kit yarrow? Did she make it?

Stop worrying about things that aren’t going to happen, Darkpaw!

Barkface was eyeing Darkpaw suspiciously, his nose twitching. “Are you alright?”

Darkpaw nodded, and he unwrapped another roll. “What’s this one?” The poison had flowers shaped like cups, and a long stem with many of the cupped purple flowers.

“That is foxglove, and this one is also used as a medicine,” Barkface explained with a chuckle. “Used to treat heart problems.”

“Heart problems?” Darkpaw questioned, a sudden rush of excitement flooding into his mind. “Does that mean we could’ve saved Swiftbreeze all those moons ago?”

What if Swiftbreeze was still alive? Would I still be in ThunderClan?

Would I be happy in ThunderClan with her, if not on my own?

Barkface bit his lip. “I’m not sure. I don’t know how she died, but Spottedleaf did suspect it was a heart issue.”

“So the next cat who has heart problems can take foxglove things?”

Barkface shrugged. “That’s what Yellowfang says, but I’d rather not risk it. Because we can’t really confirm it.”

“I wish we could,” Darkpaw mewed. “Then no one would have to die a painful death like Swiftbreeze died.”

He could hear the shriek of terror that Swiftbreeze had screamed as she died. ‘StarClan, have mercy on me!’ She had howled. Darkpaw shuddered and forced the traumatizing memory from his mind.

“And the last one here is a deathberry.” Barkface had his paw over the wrap. He was holding the wrap with such caution, Darkpaw knew immediately that it was seriously dangerous.

This must be it. Darkstripe said it himself.

Barkface uncovered the wrap slowly. “Do not touch it. It is so poisonous, a kitten will die in mere moments from eating just one.”

And that kit ate three.

Darkpaw dared to peek at the poisonous berry. He opened up his eyes, and took in the sight for the second time that day. Lying on the was leaf a single red deathberry, just as Darkstripe had used in Darkpaw’s nightmare. It was about the size of Darkpaw’s toe, and a hard black seed poked out of an opening.

“Deathberries taste of revenge, don’t they?” Darkstripe’s voice snarled in Darkpaw’s mind. “Perfect for getting rid of pesky kits and settling old scores.”

The medicine den suddenly seemed very small and confining. Darkpaw panted, the single red berry taunting him with the dream of his original destiny. “ Scared, aren’t you?”

Darkpaw scrambled to the back of the den, his vision going dark as pure terror coursed his body.

“Darkpaw! Darkpaw! ” Barkface shouted, in his apprentice’s face, shaking his shoulders, and waving a dark brown paw in his face. “Calm down!”

Darkpaw shook his head, panting so hard he thought he was dying. “Get that berry out of here,” he choked.

Barkface covered the berry, folding the leaf over with a hindpaw. “What’s wrong? Is it something Willowpelt did to you?” Darkpaw shook his head again, the panic beginning to ebb away. Barkface looked into Darkpaw’s scared honey eyes and his ears pricked with realization. “What did Darkstripe do?”

Barkface was well aware of his apprentices horrible dreams.

“Poisoned a kit with those,” Darkpaw pointed to the leaf wrap. “She threw up blood and then collapsed, and Darkstripe just sat there and cackled like a murder of crows.”

The brown tom closed his eyes tightly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Darkpaw felt ashamed immediately. “I don’t know!”

“I had good reasons. You would understand,” The voice snarled, confirming in a flood of sickening pain that Darkstripe was there.

But I thought he was nothing but a dream.

  Go away Darkstripe! What are you trying to accomplish here?

“It’s okay to be frightened,” Barkface assured. “Yet you could’ve let me know.”

“I’ll tell you next time,” Darkpaw mewed plainly. Terror wasn’t pulsing through his pelt anymore, although fear still gripped at his limbs and slammed against his heart. One day, the dreams will stop. I won’t be tortured in my sleep from the snarls of Stonefur, or the screams of kits. Darkstripe will go away, one day.

I can make it.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, small one,” Darkstripe mewed with a voice dripping with honey before going silent as Barkface did his best to distract Darkpaw from his memories. “How do you feel about having new kin?”

Spottedleaf had told them at the medicine cat gathering, last night, that Robinwing was expecting Patchpelt’s kits. “I don’t know, really,” he admitted. “I won’t see them as kits, but I’m excited to see them at gatherings.”

“I bet ThunderClan’s very antsy to get new kits in the nursery. They’ve had some bad luck lately.”

“I bet Runningwind and Mousefur will be glad to finally be let off of apprentice tasks.”

Barkface laughed. “They’ll get to sleep in. That was my favorite part of becoming a full medicine cat.”

“Except you still insist on waking me up at the crack of dawn,” Darkpaw retorted. He sighed, feeling not fear, but peace. Barkface is good at distracting me.

Perhaps Darkstripe was just a strange manifestation of sorts. I’m safe.

Barkface stared into Darkpaw’s eyes with a look of concern. “Are you okay now? Or do you want a break?”

Darkpaw shrugged. “I’m alright, but I’d rather not learn poisons now.”

Barkface nodded respectfully. “I’ll discuss the deathberries later. Let’s go get some breakfast.”

Maybe I can eat with Deadfoot! Darkpaw trotted out of the den into the cold morning air. A dusting of snow made the ground sparkle, and Darkpaw had to squint from the brightness. Some of the cats were still asleep, and Stagleap and Wrenflight were organizing patrols. Onekit’s pelt was fluffed up against the cold and he was jumping in the snow with little squeals of delight. Whiteberry and Lilywhisker were chatting with Tornpaw as he dropped soft feathers near them to line their nests. Deadfoot had already woken from a short nap, and was speaking with his mother. 

The fresh-kill pile was already stocked. Darkpaw spotted mainly rabbits, but also a few thrushes and even a kestrel. Flylight, Mudpaw, and Aspenfall dropped off two rabbits and Mudpaw eyed one with hunger in his eyes.

There was a sudden tap on the dark tabby’s shoulder. The cat whipped around and felt a sudden rush of warmth as his friend smiled down at him.

“Deadpaw! I mean-Deadfoot! How are you?” He stuttered.

Deadfoot smiled wide. “I did it! I’m a warrior now, and with no setbacks!”

The older tom led Darkpaw away from the leader and medicine cat, towards the fresh-kill pile. Darkpaw followed tentatively, wondering if he would be able to hang out with his friend still, now that he was a warrior. Mudpaw had taken a rabbit and was carrying it off towards the nursery, and he and Darkpaw nodded in greeting. Then he turned back to Deadfoot and sighed. “I’m proud of you. You’ve been working forever.”

Deadfoot yawned, and stretched out his legs. “It’ll be your turn soon. And you’ll be Darklavender.”

Darkpaw imagined himself as a full medicine cat, with his proper name, and felt overwhelmed. I’m not at all confident in my abilities yet! I hope Barkface will be there to help me. He’s a whole lot better than I am.

Deadfoot tossed a thrush at Darkpaw’s paws. “I heard you at the Singing last night. You still need to work on your pitches.”

Although Darkpaw knew his friend was only teasing, he couldn’t help but feel flustered. “I’m not good at singing!” He bristled back.

“I can teach you to be better,” Deadfoot said, wrapping his tail around his paws. “It takes practice, like memorizing a hunter’s crouch, and what herbs are for which coughs take practice.”

Darkpaw gnawed at the foot of the thrush. He spat it out, disliking the texture of the scales on his tongue. “I’ve only sung twice in my life, I don’t think I’ll get time to ‘practice.’”

“Silly, you can just sing on your own time. Anyhow, what happened at the half-moon gathering last night? Any news about the other Clans?”

Darkpaw strained his memory. The previous night seemed ages ago. “Well Yellowfang gave Runningpaw his name. He’s Runningnose now.”

Deadfoot interrupted with a snort of amusement. “Runningnose? That’s weird.”

Darkpaw felt defensive for his other friend’s sake. “He can’t control it.”

Deadfoot nodded absently and shook out his short black pelt. “Now that I’m a warrior,” he went on, dropping the question he asked Darkpaw originally, “I’m going to prove to everyone that I’m more than my name.” He held up his twisted foot and shook it, the paw flopping around numbly.

Darkpaw grinned. “You’re so much more than your paw. You’re funny and smart and-” he broke off abruptly, realizing that he was about to blurt everything he’d felt and thought about Deadfoot for the past moons. He ducked his head and hoped Deadfoot didn’t see the obvious affection in his eyes.

Deadfoot laughed, “Were you giving me an inspirational speech?” He looked Darkpaw in the eye, and a look of confusion crossed his face. “Are you alright?”

“Fine, thanks!” Darkpaw mewed hastily, standing up from his meal and pushing it towards Deafoot. “I, uhh, need to get back too, um, training! I can’t be a medicine cat if I don’t know medicine, right?”

He walked away briskly, Deadfoot looking befuddled at his friend’s statement. “Oh, alright then! I’ll see you later!”

Darkpaw slipped into the medicine den, comforted by the scents of herbs that he’d associated with home. He waited for the nervous fluttering to disappear, but when it did, he felt a stab of regret, a dismal feeling wrapping his heart.

Being a medicine cat means I must never take on a mate. Yet, I think I love him.

I don’t know. Do I love him? I shouldn’t be making decisions like that yet. I’m only 10 moons old, and he’s a warrior now. That’s not good at all.

It doesn’t matter anyway. He’ll never reciprocate. I’m surprised he hasn’t even guessed with me yet. I’m rather obvious.

He took a deep breath in, filling his lungs, but not his mind. “No use fretting about it,” he whispered to himself, although the words lay heavy in his mind. “As a medicine cat, I’ll be saving lives, just as I always wanted.”

“What are you convincing yourself of?” Barkface mewed, making Darkpaw jump in shock. The brown tom had snuck back into the den without Darkpaw’s hearing.

“Oh, nothing,” Darkpaw lied again. “Just nerves, I guess.”

Barkface hummed, satisfied with the answer. “Remember I’m always here, if you want to talk.” Worry edged his voice, but he kept a smile on his face and a pep in his step as he made his way to the back of the den.

Barkface wouldn’t know what I’m going through. He’s not tormented by the shadow of his former destiny or torn between affection and rules.

Darkpaw tried to ignore the nagging, and he settled deeper into his nest, exhaustion suddenly overwhelming. He so desperately wanted to close his eyes, but the thoughts of another nightmare was just enough to keep alert. I shouldn’t get another one so soon. It should be safe to rest.

Barkface murmured, “Go to sleep. I know you didn’t sleep after that dream.” Darkpaw began to protest against it, but Barkface cut him off. “I insist. I’ll wake you up if I think you’re having a nightmare.”

Feeling somewhat safer, Darkpaw curled up in his nest, thinking only of things that brought him glee; Playing with his brothers, playing with Onekit, walking with Deadfoot, and herb collecting. Barkface hummed an old hymn, further lulling the scared apprentice to sleep.

The stillness of sleep had almost overtook Darkpaw, but there was one whisper in the back of his mind, a voice that sounded almost identical to his own, but with a harsh snarl. “I’ll come around. Just you wait.”

Oh. So it’s not just a manifestation.

This… this is real.

Chapter Text

Heartbeats lasted moons. The silence in the nursery was deafening. Smells of pain and blood were all too familiar, and the wet figure beneath Darkpaw’s pads was too still, too lifeless.

Barkface gave Darkpaw a small shake of his head. “There’s nothing we can do,” he almost said. Plumclaw’s eyes were stretched wide in terror. Aspenfall’s jaw trembled, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

The brown kitten lay still as a stone.

I can do it! Just like I did with Onekit! Darkpaw tried to tell himself, and began pressing down, hard, on the newborn kitten’s chest.

“Darkpaw, stop!” Barkface ordered in a harsh bark. “Stop it right now!”

Darkpaw ignored his mentor, determined to save the kit. He pressed down on the brown kit’s chest again, and heard Aspenfall stifle a sob. He pressed down on the tiny tom’s chest once more, heat flaring through his head as fear overtook him. Come on, little kit! Breathe! Please breathe!

“Darkpaw! Stop!” Barkface ordered again, a more urgent edge in his voice. Darkpaw didn’t look up. The kit will breathe, any moment now. He pressed down again. I just need to get his lungs working!

Plumclaw’s voice, filled with fright, pain, and exhaustion, sounded next to Darkpaw. “I…don’t think this is work…working.”

Barkface, now ever close, hissed, “Darkpaw! Listen to me! Darkpaw !”

“Hush,” Darkpaw snapped right back, feeling frustration seep into his voice. “I can save him!” He rubbed the kit’s back and pressed again. “I did it with Onekit! I can do it again!”

“Darkpaw, listen! You’re going to-”

Darkpaw shoved down again, but froze as a quiet, almost silent crack sounded under the apprentice’s silvery paws. Darkpaw dared to look, and saw that the kit’s body had been smashed. His tiny chest had collapsed, and a trickle of blood ran from his parted jaw. His body and limbs were askew, and Darkpaw felt horror stronger than he had ever felt in his life.

No cat spoke. Darkpaw’s heart thundered with adrenaline. He could hear his pounding against his ribs, his lungs working desperately for air. The only other sounds were the whimpers of Aspenfall and the small mews of the little tomkit’s living sisters.

I killed him. I killed him. Me. I broke his ribs.

Plumclaw let out a scream of grief, scaring Darkpaw enough to get him moving in his stupor. He tumbled backwards, feeling more fear than he had ever felt in his life. His head reeled, his belly churned, his heart twisted into knots, it hurt to even breathe. Darkpaw gasped for air, feeling as if there wasn’t enough to satisfy his lungs.

 Barkface looked at his apprentice, sorrow raw in his eyes. He turned back to the grieving parents; Aspenfall in utter dismay, sobbing unto his mate’s chest, and Plumclaw letting out shrieks of grief.

I killed a kit. I killed a kit! I KILLED A KIT! Darkpaw’s mind swam as he backed out further, millions of emotions pelting his heart and mind so quickly, Darkpaw wondered for a brief moment if he was dying.

Cats had gathered around outside, having heard the commotion inside the nursery. Darkpaw recognized the voices of Flylight, Wrenflight, Doespring, and the curious chatter of Onekit. Yet he heard none of what they were saying, it was all just a buzz, like a swarm of bees was just in the air above Darkpaw’s head.

I… killed him. Me. I did it. I killed him and so many new generations. WindClan might die! Because of me! I killed him! I killed him!

More clearly, Darkpaw could hear the concerned mewing of his mother, Ryestalk. “Darkpaw, love, are you alright?”

He shook his head numbly, emotions so overwhelming, he could barely comprehend what she had said. The fear was overpowering, he felt as if he was on fire, although an ice cold rain was soaking the whole camp. Head down, eyes screwed shut, he charged out of camp, away from the dead kit and the wails of the kit’s parents. Away from the curious chattering of his Clanmates. Away from the stress. To be alone.

Wet snow caked around his paws as he sprinted, and yet he felt nothing. His pelt was soaked and plastered down at his sides, making him appear as a skinny rat. And yet, he felt nothing. He couldn’t feel the pain as he stepped over a sharp rock, nor the frigid cold of the icy wind and rain of leaf-bare. He couldn’t even think straight, his thoughts only on the kit. Barkface warned me! I should’ve let him do it! Oh, this is all my fault! I killed the kit! I killed that kit!

Suddenly, he felt his belly heave. He stopped running, and vomited the contents of his stomach, wasting the fresh-kill that was already scarce. His belly ached horribly, and he could barely get air into his lungs. The tabby tom flopped onto his side, trying to catch his breath and keep his belly settled. He could feel the cold now, and he felt colder than he had in moons. But more than the cold and the pain, he could feel grief.

“I can’t do it!” He gasped out loud, shouting to the sky. “I can’t do it!”

“You see, we are alike. We both have a kit’s blood on our paws,” Darkstripe whispered, his voice scratching like claws on bark.

Go away, Darkstripe! Why are you even here? Where did you even come from?

“A place of your darkest fears. Yet you shouldn’t be afraid of me. We are the same.”

“Shut up!” Darkpaw shouted out loud, feeling hot tears on his face. “Shut up! Leave me alone! We are nothing alike!”

“We are the same cat. We will be, if you just listen to me.”

Ignoring Darkstripe, Darkpaw closed his eyes shut again, and whispered, “I can’t be a medicine cat anymore. I killed that kit. I can’t do it.” He ripped off the feather and wing stuck onto his fur, and it felt as painful as if he had torn away his own limbs.

“Perfect. Now that you’ve left that disgusting part of you behind, maybe you’ll listen to me.”

Darkpaw knew Darkstripe was talking again, but he didn’t care. He curled up into a shivering ball, and sobbed. He sobbed until his eyes burned and his nose streamed, and everything ached all over again. Being a medicine cat is my dream. But I killed a kit. I can’t be a medicine cat if I kill kittens.

Darkpaw absently reached for a stem of lavender, but he couldn’t find anything. I must've eaten it all before leaving, he concluded. Now I just need to calm down on my own.

Calming down, however, was practically impossible. Darkpaw’s thoughts always circled back to the kit he’d killed, or the dreams he’d had of Darkstripe.

“I had a reason,” Darkstripe countered, as if he thought he was being helpful. “Stonefur was half-Clan, and Tigerstar ordered me.”

Shut up! Shut up!

“I don’t think so. You would have done the same.”

“Stop talking! Stop it! Leave me alone!” Darkpaw shouted aloud, although he didn’t think he made any sense. He was crying too hard to form any words.

“You should understand my pain. No one cares for me. No one cares for you, either.”

Ryestalk loves me. Redtail loves me. Tawnyspots loves me, Darkpaw argued.

“You shouldn’t trust so easily. Fool.”

Darkpaw was too exhausted to even rebuke. Guilt and extreme grief made him shudder, and fear wracked every last part of him, until he couldn’t even remember where he was or how long he’d been out in the cold. The sour smell of his vomit made Darkpaw feel sick all over again, so much so that he would’ve rather died than be out in these conditions any longer.

But will StarClan take me?

Oh Tawnyspots, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

Suddenly, a soft, swift paw shoved something into Darkpaw’s mouth. “Chew,” the voice commanded. Darkpaw obeyed, not knowing what else to do. “Now swallow. Good job.”

Darkpaw swallowed the thing, forced his eyes open, and saw Barkface. The brown tom was holding a stalk of thyme in his claws, and his other forepaw was rubbing Darkpaw’s head gently. “You’re okay,” his mentor assured. “You’re alright. Deep breaths, deep breaths.”

Darkpaw tried. He tried his best. But another sob choked him and he couldn’t breathe deeply anymore. “I can’t…” he moaned.

“Yes, you can,” Barkface snapped. “You must.”

Again, Darkpaw tried. He heard Darkstripe’s voice, but drowned it out with the sound of his own breathing. Air rattled in his chest, yet satisfied his screaming lungs. He tried again, and again, and a fourth time. Barkface stayed right next to him, whispering encouraging words.

Finally, Darkpaw could think straight. He got to his paws, shivering with cold. Barkface helped him up, and then cradled his apprentice’s head against his mostly dry chest. “Everything will be alright. Aspenfall is fine, Plumclaw is fine, and her two living kits are fine.”

“No,” Darkpaw moaned, burying himself deeper into Barkface’s fur. “I quit. I can’t be a medicine cat that kills kits. I quit.”

Barkface’s heart quickened. “You can’t quit. This is what you said you wanted.”

“I killed the kit. I can’t be a medicine cat if I kill.” I do want to be a medicine cat, it’s all I ever want. The thought of leaving his calling gave him a feeling of grief, but if anything else, kits would be safe.

But then I could hurt another cat. I can’t hurt anyone.

Yet I just killed one.

“Nonsense. The kit was dead already. That’s why I asked you to stop with the chest compressions,” Barkface explained, his paws rubbing Darkpaw’s drenched back. “I promise that you didn’t kill him. You don’t have to leave your calling.”

Relief warmed Darkpaw, just a little, before sorrow overtook him again. “I saved Onekit. Why couldn’t I save the other kit?”

“Yes, you saved Onekit,” Barkface agreed. “But he just had some aspiration. I am surprised I didn’t catch it, yet you did. Onekit wasn’t born dead, only unresponsive.” His pink tongue rasped over Darkpaw’s eyelids, licking up the salty tears.

Darkpaw sighed. “I became a medicine cat because I wanted to prevent deaths. But then I just caused-”

“Stop it. You did not kill him,” Barkface barked harshly. More quietly, he added, “It was a hard lesson for me to learn too; You cannot save every cat. I know how tough it is, but it’s important. Don’t beat yourself up. Move on, and learn from your mistakes.”

“Will Aspenfall and Plumclaw hate me now?” Darkpaw questioned, sniffing and wiping at his eyes.

Barkface gave a short laugh. “No, no. I spoke to them just before I left to find you. They know what your intentions were. They know he was stillborn. They even gave him a name. He’s called Adderkit.”

“Adderkit,” Darkpaw repeated. He liked how similar the name sounded to Alderkit. Maybe all three of them will be friends in StarClan. Darkpaw smiled at the thought. Three kittens, who never got a chance to live, growing up and living as kits forever. Being the parents to each other until their families came to join them.

“On that subject, I need to get you home,” Barkface mewed briskly. “You’re soaked, and it looks like you got sick just a while ago,” Barkface gestured to the puddle in the snow. “Ryestalk is waiting for you, in your nest.”

Darkpaw’s heart warmed at the thought of being warmed in the paws of his mother again. She’ll make everything alright. She’ll lick my dry and keep me warm, and no dreams of Darkstripe will come. He wiped his eyes as dry as he could manage, and followed after his mentor. Grief lay heavy in his heart still, however the unbearable pain of fear and guilt was mostly gone.

“Barkface?” He called to his mentor once more, teeth chattering from the chill. “Will the pain ever go away?”

Barkface turned his head back, compassion warm in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Dark. It won’t go away, but over time, it’ll be easier.” He turned back so he was walking side-by-side with his apprentice, both of their soaked pelts brushing up against each other.

Darkpaw relaxed, leaning against Barkface and resting tail over his mentor’s shoulders. “Thank you for finding me, out there. I don’t think I would’ve made it alone.”

Barkface licked his apprentice over the ear. “I’d never leave you alone.” He sighed once more, and emotion choked in his voice. “Plus, you are my apprentice, and I love you. I’ll always be there for you.”

Warmth swelled in Darkpaw’s chest, and he couldn’t feel the bite of the rain as hard. “I-I love you too,” he mewed awkwardly. “But not in that way, you know.”

Barkface chuckled. “No, no of course not. I’d be sent to the Place of No Stars in an instant if that was the case. Besides, I’ve never loved in that way. And not just because of the rules.”

“You’re kind of like a father to me,” Darkpaw ventured, and Barkface nodded.

“Yes, I love you in the way a father would love their kit.”

The two cats walk the rest of the way in silence. Silence for Barkface, at least. For Darkpaw, Darkstripe was still yakking away.

“You shouldn’t trust him so easily!”

Darkstripe, go away.

“No, no I will not.”

Are you jealous of me? Is that why you won’t leave me alone?

“Jealous?! No!”

Darkpaw rolled his eyes. I’d seriously appreciate it if you'd go away. Why are you even here? We are the same cat. You’re biting yourself in the rear right now, what are you trying to accomplish? Do you want to be miserable?

“I was happy. Once. And I will be. Someday.”

Darkpaw ignored Darkstripe, he had other things to worry about. Then the memory of the prophecy jumped into Darkpaw’s mind, overwhelming as the blasts of ice-cold winds against his already soaked pelt.

Darkpaw shuddered. This was why Darkstripe was still around. His destiny was undecided, and Darkstripe was just taking advantage of it. Somehow, another version of him had taken root in his mind and wouldn’t let up until he had gotten his way.

I won’t be safe, not for a long time.

With that thought, he pressed closer to Barkface, the relief he’d felt prior was gone, and nothing but trepidation was left.

Chapter Text

Darkpaw fidgeted in his place next to Barkface. Gatherings were a drag. And Redtail couldn’t even stop to speak long, he said he had a spot to be. When Darkpaw asked, Redtail told him that it was a surprise.

I hate surprises, Darkpaw growled inwardly. How is this “surprise” more important than seeing me?

“-The recent outbreak of greencough has devastated our Clan,” Bluestar mewed in a voice heavy with grief. Darkpaw felt her pain, Greencough had already stolen away two of their own cats: Redclaw and Mistmouse. His mother and Tornpaw were still sick. “We have lost Leopardfoot, our deputy Thrushpelt, and our medicine cat Featherwhisker. Fuzzypelt was severely ill, but he is recovering well now.”

Darkpaw’s ears shot up at the mention of Leopardfoot. Oh no! Not her! She had so much in front of her! She can't be dead already!

Darkpaw glanced at Tigerclaw, and saw that his ears were twitching from the mention of Leopardfoot’s death. Whitestorm nuzzled up to the tabby’s side, and Tigerclaw relaxed. Darkpaw wondered if he would ever feel that was over the death of Willowpelt. Ryestalk definitely, but what about Willowpelt?

“And ThunderClan’s new deputy is the young warrior Redtail,” Bluestar added. Stunned, Darkpaw turned to face Redtail. So that was the surprise! Redtail smiled at Darkpaw’s gawking expression. “Yup, I’m the new deputy,” he mouthed.

Darkpaw lifted his head and left out an excited yowl. "Redtail!" He shouted.

Several other voices joined in, along with mews of sympathy for ThunderClan’s losses. Barkface pressed his nose into Spottedleaf’s flank, sharing her grief over Featherwhisker’s death.

“Moving onto happier news,” Bluestar continued once the crowd had quieted down, “Five days ago, Robinwing kitted three kits: Chestnutkit, Cherrykit, and Longkit. ThunderClan has been kitless for seasons, and we are all ecstatic to hear the patter of kitten paws in the nursery again.”

Robinwing, who had come to the Gathering, raised her head high with pride.

Runningnose, beside Darkpaw, whispered, “Aren’t those kits your kin?”

Darkpaw beamed proudly. “I can’t wait to meet them!”

Tallstar took Bluestar’s place at the great rock. “WindClan has also lost cats due to Greencough, but with the turn of newleaf, we will grow strong. We have two new kits in the nursery, born to Plumclaw and Aspenfall. Their names are Whitekit and Runningkit.”

The rest of the Clans began to cheer for the new kit, and Tallstar waited for them to quiet before he continued, more threatening and angry. He flashed a sharp look at the ShadowClan leader. “Raggedstar, I must ask for you to keep your warriors to keep off of your territory,” he growled.

Darkpaw looked to Barkface, and then to Runningnose. Runningnose looked as confused as Darkpaw, and Barkface bowed his head knowingly.

Raggedstar’s tail lashed in outrage. “My warriors have done no such thing!”

Crookedstar of RiverClan rolled his pale green eyes and pointed with his tail to the moon. “Make no such accusations at a Gathering. StarClan will be angry!”

Darkpaw's heart quickened. Yet neither Tallstar nor Raggedstar backed down. “Your scent was strong on our side of the Thunderpath, Raggedstar! Your warriors should know where the borders are!”

“My warriors do know! In fact, we’ve scented WindClan on our side as well!” Raggedstar hissed back, fur fluffed out and fangs gleaming.

“I have names! I know who they are!”

The WindClan and ShadowClan warriors now turned on each other, hissing. Mudpaw unsheathed his claws and growled a short-tailed ShadowClan apprentice, who in turn curled his lip. The other two Clans stood watching in bewilderment. Darkpaw gasped. Storm clouds were rolling over the moon!

Please don’t anger StarClan. Please, please, please don’t make them angry.

“Stop it!” Barkface shouted at Tallstar. “The moon!” Darkpaw squeezed his eyes shut and shivered with fear. Was a fight going to break out?

Barkface stood over Darkpaw’s form protectively. “It’ll be alright. They’re just being aggressive.”

Why do they have to be aggressive? Why can’t everyone just get along and not fight with each other?

“Are you really that naive?” Darkstripe input his own opinion. “You’re more pathetic than I realized.”

“ Enough! ” Bluestar’s voice thundered. “ Tallstar! Raggedstar! Deal with it later! Everyone, we have all shared the news, there’s no need to stay, let’s go home.” She hopped down from the rock and called her warriors away. Redtail glanced longingly at Darkpaw before following reluctantly after his leader and Clanmates.

Runningnose stared at Darkpaw in bewilderment. “I mean it when I say, I have no idea.” Darkpaw nodded absently. Runningnose turned to Yellowfang. “Do you-”

“No,” Yellowfang mewed. “No, I know nothing of what is going on.”

Runningnose turned back to Darkpaw and shrugged. Darkpaw looked over at Barkface, but his mentor was urging him to follow the Clan away from Fourtrees and back to the moor.

“Barkface, what happened? Why was ShadowClan accusing us of trespassing? Why were we accusing them?” Darkpaw questioned, hurrying after his mentor and Clanmates.

Barkface glanced behind his shoulder, checking to see that no ShadowClan cats might be listening. Then he lowered his voice and spoke into Darkpaw’s ear: “Clawface, Brokentail, and Stumpypaw had come into our territory. Their scent was strong, and we found prey remains.”

Darkpaw stared at Barkface. “Why?”

Barkface shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Darkpaw plodded over the hills in silence, his thoughts circling around his head. Why can’t we all get along? Medicine cats get along just fine, why can’t warriors? Why must warriors be so aggressive to each other? What does it accomplish?

“I know what you're thinking,” Barkface said briskly. “No, warriors can’t get along because they are needed to defend their Clans. They need to defend their Clans because some warriors and leaders are overly aggressive and like picking fights. Why they’re like that, I do not know.”

Darkpaw leapt over a heather clump that had popped up unexpectedly. “Why can’t the warriors have a rule like us medicine cats?”

Barkface sighed patiently. “Because some cats may try to take advantage of that. There are rules that we follow because it keeps us safe.”

“But StarClan doesn’t have any such rules? Why is that?”

“StarClan is a mysterious force.”

“StarClan. A group of liars and hypocrites,” Darkstripe put in. “I can’t even begin to explain the amount of innocent cats that are sent to the Dark Forest. Not that I feel sorry for them. Weaklings.”

Why?

“Why?! Well apparently you can abuse a kit, but get into StarClan. Yet if you dare watch one die, straight to the Dark Forest for you. No questions asked.”

Darkpaw stopped short. Maybe Darkstripe was just being cranky again, like he always was being. But abusive parents sounded like something he would hold a grudge against.

“Barkface, does StarClan ever make mistakes?” Darkpaw asked tentatively.

Barkface looked into Darkpaw with shock. “What are you implying?”

“Well, I-”

“We don’t question StarClan.”

Darkstripe scoffed in Darkpaw’s mind. “See? StarClan is awful. Look at them brainwashing you.”

Barkface said nothing of that sort. I believe Barkface over you, you know.

“I know more about StarClan’s doings than any medicine cat.”

Barkface sighed again, heavy and long. “Darkpaw, I shouldn’t lie to you. StarClan is not perfect. Even they make mistakes. Some are worse than others.” He leaned in closer to Darkpaw’s ear and whispered, “Some of the ones who make the decisions are overly cruel. I don’t know who they are, but that is a very good thing.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Darkpaw whispered back. “You just went to a straight lie.”

“I didn’t want to scare you."

"What?" Mewed the tabby apprentice. "Scare me? I can handle anything!"

Well that's a little bit of a lie.

"I know, I know," his mentor replied. "You're not a kitten anymore, so I shouldn't keep it from you. But does it really matter?"

"Of course it does," Darkpaw replied, confused. "You could totally end up in the Dark Forest for no reason at all because some cruel StarClan cat said so."

"Can we please move on?" Barkface pleaded, and Darkpaw nodded quickly. If Barkface is worried, I should be worried too.

"Good." The medicine cat relaxed, and spoke to his apprentice in an excited voice. "I've decided that you are almost ready for your name. Quicker than most medicine cat apprentices, so I am very impressed with you."

Darkpaw’s jaw dropped open. “Really?”

Barkface nodded. “You’re a fast learner, and you are very excited about your role as a medicine cat. I say that you’re ready.” He ruffled Darkpaw’s fur with a brown paw. Darkpaw gave an excited bounce.

"Yes! Finally! My name!" He shouted with the excitement of a kit, leaping around the moorland like a little rabbit, with Barkface laughing.

Barkface already has a name picked out from me then. I’m so excited to find out! Maybe Deadfoot was right and I will be Darklavender!

Darkpaw slipped down the rise and into the camp, bubbling with excitement. He couldn’t wait to tell Ryestalk and Tornpaw of the news. The two cats had been sleeping in the medicine den, sick with greencough, but they had been recovering. Darkpaw had been lucky enough to have stayed healthy during the outbreak, because Barkface already had enough work to do without Darkpaw falling ill as well.

The apprentice slid into his den and winced at the sound of Tornpaw’s hoarse coughing. His brother and his mother had been sharing a nest; Tornpaw had gotten violent coughing spells and Ryestalk wanted to be near him if it happened again.

Ryestalk’s eyes opened a sliver and Darkpaw saw a warm glow of yellow. She looked better than she had been for the past week, and Darkpaw breathed a sigh of relief. Barkface dropped a bundle of catmint at her paws. He then moved on to Flylight at the other end of the den.

Darkpaw tucked his paws underneath his chest beside Ryestalk’s nest. “Is Tornpaw okay?”

Tornpaw, who was curled asleep against Ryestalk’s belly like a young kit, was breathing in a sickly manner. Darkpaw’s pelt crept with anxiety. He turned back to Ryestalk, who answered, “He’s doing better. But he’s awfully warm, I’m roasting over here.”

“Well, that means that your fever has gone down, if you’re not feeling so cold,” Barkface commented from Flylight’s nest. The black-eared tom was lapping up at a bundle of watery moss.

Tornpaw whimpered and snuggled closer to Ryestalk, shivering. Ryestalk licked his forehead and frowned. “He’s really warm.”

Barkface, who was now standing over the two cats, placed a paw on Tornpaw’s head. Tornpaw’s ragged ears flicked at the touch. “Don’t worry, he’s alright. I’ll give him some feverfew when he wakes up.”

Ryestalk nodded and turned to her adoptive kit. “How was the gathering?”

Darkpaw’s spine pricked with the memory. “Tallstar and Raggedstar got into an argument. They each say that the others’ warriors have been trespassing.”

Ryestalk’s ears folded back. “ We? We haven’t trespassed! It was all ShadowClan!”

Barkface held out his paw to signal for silence. “Yes, I know. I don’t believe that Raggedstar knew of what his warriors were doing, and was only speaking in defense.”

Ryestalk's eyes rolled impatiently. "I am sick of ShadowClan's shenanigans. Due to them, I lost my mate."

Barkface solemnly dipped his head. "We won't forgive or forget them for a long time, because of it."

Darkpaw's heart ached for the pain of the two cats he loved. Losing a mate sounds awful. And a brother? If I lost Tornpaw or Mudpaw, I think I would be lost as well.

Barkface nudged Darkpaw abruptly. "Let's stop being sad," he whispered. "Tell Ryestalk what I told you, about your name." 

“Mother, guess what?” Darkpaw mewed, not exactly excited to change the subject while his mother was hurting, but excited to share the news.

“What?” Ryestalk answered, giving her full attention to her excited kit. Her eyes cleared up and she didn't look so sad anymore.

“Barkface says I’ll get my full name at the next half-moon gathering!” Darkpaw gave another bounce of glee. “I’m going to become a full medicine cat!”

Ryestalk beamed. “Oh, I’m so proud of you! You’ve been working so hard, you deserve this title!” She licked Darkpaw’s forehead with a rough tongue. “You’re so grown up now.”

Darkpaw smiled wide. “Barkface says I’m a fast learner and I have interest in what I’m learning! And that’s why he thinks I’m ready already!” 

Barkface nodded in agreement. “You’ve raised a good one, Ryestalk.”

Ryestalk opened her mouth to speak, but Tornpaw awoke suddenly, coughing. His lungs heaved as he fought for air and Darkpaw's pelt prickled with fear. Tornpaw sounded as if he was in pain.

Barkface rushed to the back of the den, Flylight's eyes tracking him with concern. Ryestalk lapped her tongue over her sick kit's face. Darkpaw shivered.

"I don't feel good," Tornpaw whined, sounding just like Onekit when he didn't want to come inside the nursery for his nap. "My head hurts and my throat hurts and I'm so cold."

Darkpaw slipped into the nest next to his brother. Tornpaw felt hot as the moor ground during greenleaf. The toms' mother wrapped her tail around her two sons, cradling them closer. "You're going to be okay, Tornpaw. Barkface and Darkpaw are taking good care of us."

Darkpaw rested his head on Tornpaw's shoulder. Barkface had now come back with honey to soothe Tornpaw's throat. Tornpaw licked a few drops unenthusiastically. Darkpaw cuddled closer. "Please be okay soon," he finished with a yawn that felt like it split his face in half. The day had been long and gatherings usually left Darkpaw feeling burnt out and exhausted. His eyelids felt heavy and Ryestalk's gentle licking made him feel like a young kit again, curling up for a nap after a warm meal of milk. He faintly heard Barkface's mews to Ryestalk. He yawned again, and snuggled closer to his brother before slipping into sleep.

Darkpaw had long since learned that here in ThunderClan, no one was his friend. Maybe if Swiftbreeze hadn’t died. He didn’t understand why no one in ThunderClan paid him much mind. Both pairs of siblings on either of his parent’s sides were polite, yes.

But did they care? No.

It was an unfortunate truth. After Darkkit was old enough to eat fresh-kill, it seemed the Clan assumed he would be fine.

And after Windflight had died, Darkpaw had no one to talk to.

He would look longingly at his family. Wishing they would look up from their lives and help.

Something told him that somewhere, somehow, they did.

Maybe things would be different if he died.

Everyone loves a dead cat.

Sometimes, all alone, he would go and stare at the various deathberry shrubs around the forest. Tantalizing, almost mocking. “Taste us,” they seemed to tease. “The worst that can happen is you live.”

He couldn’t bring up the courage to do that. His jaws would stiffen and his heart would race.

He knew at least that Tigerclaw wanted that of him. The powerful tom had left many deep and aching scratches on the pelt of the younger cat.

“No one loves you, remember that when you try to tell anyone,” Tigerclaw snarled each time his claws met the flesh of his apprentice.

Most apprentices seemed to learn from gentle pressure and praise. Not Darkpaw. He learned from fear. 

To avoid pain, get it right the first time.

It worked, for the most part. At least the blows were less frequent.

The insults weren’t, however.

So what if no one cares for me. I don’t care for anyone, then.

Ha. I’ll show them.

Darkpaw snapped awake and gasped for air when the dream ended. For just a second he was worried about Tigerclaw and then he realized that he was still curled up in the nest with his brother and mother. From the faint light from the den entrance, Darkpaw guessed the sun was only just beginning to rise. Darkpaw was grateful for Tornpaw's feverish heat, as the cold leaf-bare air was nipping at his ears.

Darkstripe? Darkpaw called out, regretting his decision after hearing Darkstripe's response.

"Shut. Up." Darkstripe's voice was scathing and dangerously low. "Leave me alone."

Darkpaw's face wrinkled in confusion. Me? Leave you alone? Last I checked, you were the one who was intruding. You should leave me alone.

"It isn't so simple."

Darkpaw rolled his eyes, privately wondering again how in StarClan Darkstripe was in his brain, when they were supposedly the same cat.  I see, Darkstripe. You are jealous of me. That's the reason why you are trying to get me to follow your path.

"What part of 'leave me alone' do you not understand?" Darkpaw was shocked to hear hurt under Darkstripe's anger.

Why did you even support Tigerclaw after he hurt you so bad?

"Because I love him."

Darkpaw almost laughed. He dropped the catmint at Flylight's paws and the white tom woke up, giving Darkpaw a smile before lapping the herbs and falling asleep again.

You loved him? Are you serious? After he did all of that?

"He was the only one who actually noticed me and cared about me."

Darkpaw blinked in confusion several times. That is toxic. I dreamt of it, and you lived through it. I wouldn’t call that caring.

"Of course you would say that. That was before he cared, anyways.”

Seeing no point in arguing with his other conscience, Darkpaw ignored Darkstripe's babbling and shook Ryestalk awake. His mother's eyes opened and she gave her adopted son a quick lick on the cheek. "Good morning Dark. Sleep well?"

Darkpaw struggled to answer. "Alright, I guess. Tornpaw's coughing woke me up a few times."

Tornpaw didn't cough at all during the night.

Ryestalk nodded. "Oh, I'm sorry kitten. Hopefully he gets better soon." The grey tabby rested her head on her sleeping son's, cooing something softly to him.

Darkpaw debated telling his mother about Darkstripe’s presense, but he didn't know what she might do in response. He hadn't even explicitly told Barkface about Darkstripe, even though he was sure Barkface would know what to do about it.

Instead, Darkpaw curled up next to Ryestalk again, almost begging for comfort. The dream about Darkstripe had brought back memories of Willowpelt and made Darkpaw miss Redtail all over again. Ryestalk sighed and lapped at her older kit's ears. "You're getting a little big for this," she mewed softly. "You're as big as me now."

Darkpaw nodded absently. He had gone back to listening to Darkstripe's rambling; the other cat was saying something that left Darkpaw feeling on edge.

"-he was a bad deputy anyway. He had to go. Tigerstar was always the right choice. Oh that foolish Bluestar."

Which only left Darkpaw to wonder, Who is 'he?' And what did Tigerclaw do?

And another wave of fear washed over him as Darkstripe said Tiger star. That means he might be a leader.

I think this is more than just my problem.

Chapter Text

Darkpaw sat patiently, waiting for the Clan to finish the song before he and Barkface could leave for their meeting. I’m going to get my name! I’m going to get my name!

Deadfoot was sitting next to Darkpaw, singing the song loud and clear. Darkpaw kept his jaw shut, certain he would most likely ruin the entire Singing and make a fool of himself on his special night. Instead he sat back and let the others’ voice control his thoughts.

I’m in the sky. It’s a nice bright blue, and there are fluffy white clouds everywhere I look. I’m soaring, flying towards the sun. It’s so bright, so warm, so free-

“I was going to interrupt you earlier but I was curious to see where it would go,” Darkstripe broke in abruptly, with a mocking laughter. “This is quite hilarious.”

Says the cat who falls in love with their abuser, Darkpaw shot back, rolling his eyes. Darkstripe was incredibly annoying. But I’m not going to let him ruin my special day.

“Well at least I have taste. Deadfoot is-”

Will you stop talking?! Darkpaw snapped. Please. You are driving me half-insane already.

Darkpaw opened his eyes to see Deadfoot smiling encouragingly. “Good luck out there, Darkpaw-lavender.”

Darkpaw’s face flushed. “Thank you.” He hid his face under his paw and hoped Deadfoot didn’t catch anything.

Barkface led Darkpaw away from the Clan as they cheered their congratulations, wishing him luck. “How are you feeling?” Barkface mewed.

Darkpaw gave a bounce of excitement. “I can’t wait!”

Barkface stared into the sky. Night came early in leaf-bare, so the medicine cats had to leave earlier to catch the moon. By now, the half-moon light was just peaking over the WindClan side of the mountains, giving the group plenty of time to make their journey to the moonstone.

“I hope you’ll enjoy the name I picked out for you,” Barkface whispered. “I think it suits you well.”

“Tell meeeeeeeee!” Darkpaw drew out the statement, long and pleading. “You’re teasing me.”

Barkface snickered. “My tongue’s tied, I’m sorry.”

Darkpaw huffed and plodded after his mentor impatiently. He’s making me all excited and then teasing me about my name and not telling me anything. 

“I remember my naming ceremony,” Darkstripe said. “It was rather uneventful.”

For you boring old warriors, maybe. But medicine cats are just special like that. Darkpaw couldn’t help but brag a little.

“Medicine cats are, too put it lightly, cowardly. Too afraid to fight, too weak to hunt. They sit around and tend to the wounded, essentially undoing the others' hard work."

What? Was Darkpaw's only response. How is that even supposed to make sense?

Sure, I'm not terrific at hunting, and I have never fought but I don't think that makes me a coward.

"Too afraid, too passive, too gentle," Darkstripe went on scornfully. "Why are they even honored if they do nothing?"

Well maybe I’m just braver than you, Darkpaw shot back, haughty. It would take a lot of bravery to deal with the things I have dealt with.

“Bravery you never had in the first place.”

Darkpaw assumed that Darkstripe was trying to get a reaction out of him, so he said nothing and followed Barkface through the moorland, hurt from Darkstripe’s statement laying heavy on his mind.

Darkstripe had been right, Darkpaw was in no way brave, but at least he was trying to get better. Darkstripe himself never seemed all that brave, but yet again, Darkpaw knew everything from only the dreams, and could guess little.

The dark apprentice stumbled from the haze, tripping over a small rock. Why am I even letting that cranky alter-self ruin my special day? I should be happy!

So, proudly he walked onward, noticing for the first time how tall he had gotten. He could now look directly into Barkface's eyes without needing to look upwards. He was a little leggier than Barkface, which made him look more awkward and kitten-like, but easier to navigate the high grass. He stepped over plants, and bounced like a rabbit over a clump of tussocky grass nearing the thunderpath. "There's lots of weeds over here," he commented, landing on his paws with a grunt.

"Yes," Barkface responded, not really interested in the statement, obviously lost in thought. 

"Well if it isn't the two moordwellers," Runningnose's voice mewed. The two ShadowClan medicine cats seemed to come from nowhere.

Darkpaw curled up his tail in excitement. "Hi Runningnose! Hello Yellowfang!"

Yellowfang eyed Darkpaw with bright orange eyes. Which only made Darkpaw wonder why she was called yellow when nothing about her was yellow. "Well I assume something exciting is, or has, happened to you. You are bouncing around like a rabbit and your eyes are glowing as bright as the moon."

Darkpaw beamed. "I am getting my name tonight!"

Runningnose's eyes widened. "Congratulations! That's a huge milestone!"

Darkpaw felt his face flush with pride. But Yellowfang was watching Barkface with suspicion. "He's still is very young and childish. Isn't it too early?"

Barkface sighed. "I believe he is ready. Despite him being a little distracted at times, he is smart and knows a lot."

Yellowfang grunted and said nothing more. Darkpaw felt a little let down, feeling suddenly like the immature young tom the other warriors saw him as.

"Lucky," Runningnose sighed. "I had to wait much longer than my siblings to get my name." Jealousy glinted in his rhumey yellow eyes.

"Well, I know how great you are because you had a longer apprenticeship," Darkpaw assured, paws feeling heavy and heart pounding. Yellowfang's remark made him feel less excited for earning his full name, making him wish that Barkface would keep him as an apprentice for a little while longer. I'm positive that I'll forget something when Barkface is gone. What if some cat dies because I was too inexperienced? What if I have to give up my medicine cat calling because I let someone die?

"Hey," Runningnose whispered softly into Darkpaw's ear, "I know what you're thinking, but I know that you are going to be amazing. And if you need any help, Barkface is going to be there, and he will step in. Trust yourself, alright?"

Darkpaw took in a deep, shaking breath. "Okay. Okay."

"Don't listen to Yellowfang," Barkface added, stumpy tail flicking up as the scent of ThunderClan and RiverClan cats wafted into the air. "I trust you and that's why I'm doing this. I know that you're ready."

Darkpaw smiled weakly. The support from the others was uplifting but it didn't drown the constant nagging of ‘what if's’ in his mind.

Spottedleaf and Mudfur were on the other side of the thunderpath, a little ways ahead of the rest of the group. It wasn't until the WindClan and ShadowClan medicine cats arrived at the highstones when the two groups met up.

"Oh you're so grown up!" Spottedleaf mewed when Barkface informed her of the special ceremony they would be performing for Darkpaw. "It's hard to believe you are that old, it seems like it was only a moon ago when you were kitted."

Darkpaw flushed. "You sound like," he paused, trying to find the right word, "like Ryestalk . "

He had wanted to respond, ‘You sound like my mother,’ but assumed Spottedleaf would think he was talking about Willowpelt and not Ryestalk.

Spottedleaf laughed shortly. "Of course I do. Now let's go, you have an important ceremony on the way!"

Mudfur mumbled his words of affirmation, but they seemed empty, which worried Darkpaw. Mudfur usually wasn't so detached from reality as he was tonight. Darkpaw wondered what was on his mind that was making him so hollow.

The cats climbed in near silence, Barkface keeping close to Darkpaw, helping the smaller cat up the steep and rocky terrain. "Don't be so nervous, kitten," Barkface mewed. "You will not be alone in the duty, I will be there to help you if you struggle."

Darkpaw trembled. "There's so much I still need to learn and figure out, I don't know if I am ready."

"Shh," Barkface contradicted, lowering his voice and stepping down the boulder he was perched on to where Darkpaw was. "It's perfectly okay to be unsure. And I am not like Hawkheart, I know that you still will need reminders and help from me. But, if you truly believe you are not ready, I won't make you do this, alright?"

Darkpaw felt a little better, and he nodded slowly. "Alright."

Barkface smiled warmly before slipping up ahead, and he turned to speak with Yellowfang, Darkpaw guessed he was telling the stubborn cat to lay off a little and trust Barkface's judgment. Runningnose, who looked as if he picked up a few words, silently laughed, turning to face Darkpaw.

After what felt like the longest climb yet, the medicine cats stood at Mother Mouth, sniffing around for a moment. Barkface motioned for the others to go on in but stayed outside with Darkpaw for a few extra seconds. "Take a few deep breaths if you feel nervous, and just remember that you have been doing so much better than you think you've been doing." A warm, rough tongue rasped over Darkpaw's cold ears. "Love you, Dark."

Warmth spread throughout Darkpaw's cold body, giving him a surge of confidence. "Love you too, now let's do this."

"I, Barkface, medicine cat of WindClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice." The medicine cats huddled around the lit moonstone, in respectful silence as Barkface spoke the ritualistic words of the naming ceremony. "He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help he will serve his Clan for many moons. Darkpaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?"

Do I? This is my last chance to change my mind. To do this later when I'm ready.

But, what is ready, by my standards?

Barkface knows what he's doing. I trust him, I always will trust him.

"I do."

Barkface breathed a sigh of relief, loud enough Darkpaw was sure the others could hear it. "Then by the powers of StarClan," he continued strongly with a booming force, "I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Darkpaw, from this moment you will be known as Dark lily . StarClan honors your dedication and humbleness, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of WindClan."

Darkpaw sat in a stunned silence, not knowing what to think of an entirely new name. Do I accept it? Is it too late to turn back?

"No, never too late."

I don't need your input, Darkpaw thought at Darkstripe, feeling much stronger. I am my own cat. I'm Darklily, a medicine cat of WindClan. And you, Darkstripe, have no say in the matter .

Darklily gasped, just now realized he had been holding his breath. He wanted to cry out in excitement but was not allowed to speak anything other than the ritualistic words of the ceremony inside of mothermouth. But he could faintly see the other medicine cats, faces shining with approval. Even Yellowfang looked proud, although Darklily could still tell she was skeptical. Well, whatever she thinks, I will not let it stop me. I'm a full medicine cat now, whether she likes it or not.

Barkface nodded to the moonstone and Darklily rushed to it, excited to see who might greet him in StarClan. Maybe it will be Swiftbreeze! Or Tawnyspots!

Sleep came quickly, and within moments, the cave had disappeared and was now a huge, green, lush land with a bright sky full of stars. Darklily gave a yip of glee, but was suddenly startled out of his fur when he saw what was next to him.

It was a cat, or at least it looked like one. However, instead of fur, it was like smoke, dark and wispy, bits and pieces curling away from the figure and into the sky. Two large, hollow yellow eyes pierced into Darklily's nervous golden eyes.

"So, this is the place where everyone wants to go," it snarled, voice scathing.

Darklily jumped. "Darkstripe! What are you doing here!?"

Darkstripe's smoky figure weaved around Darklily. "I'm tethered to you, mostly against my own will. I go where you go."

Darklily felt anger prick in his paws. This is supposed to be just for me! I don't want him here!

Darkstripe seemingly was intimidated by StarClan's hunting grounds and had crouched down low, ready to spring. The smoky substance wafted around Darklily's paws. It was cold and made Darklily's paws feel numb. He breathed some in on accident and felt light-headed.

Then Darklily noticed the two kits. A small, red spotted one and a pale brown tabby with a red tail. They both had large green eyes that made Darklily's heart ache with emotion. "Alderkit and Rowankit," he choked.

Rowankit bounced happily. "Yup! You got it!" Alderkit rubbed against Darklily's legs. 

Darkstripe scoffed, and Darklily gave him a glare. If you lay a single claw on them I will do anything under the sun to make sure you disappear forever, Darklily thought hard at the black cloud with burning eyes.

"We have a message for you, a prophecy," Alderkit said in a serious tone. Darklily's heart quickened with dread. He had only had one prophecy but it was enough for him. He was done with prophecy business.

Rowankit was the one who delivered it, her eyes glowing white and speaking with the voices of hundreds.

Shadows conceal your enemy of all

He will rise, and the other will fall

Away from the stars, broken he stands

Those who follow are powerless to his commands

Wind that rips through the moor

Forced away in unfair war

In the shadows lurks a peril

Until sunlight breaks, wind will be made feral

The echoing continued on for what felt like moons, and Darklily stood silent, trying to comprehend what he had heard. Obviously it's something about ShadowClan and WindClan.

Rowankit and Alderkit’s tiny bodies became faint in the misted air. “Wait!” Darklily cried out, trying to hold onto the kits, but finding nothing. “Don’t go yet!”

“Pssh,” Darkstripe sneered, but Darklily ignored him.

“I still have questions for you!” Darklily cried out desperately to the disappeared kittens, trembling with uncertainty.

“And you’ll get the answers,” Darkstripe replied, standing up, his cloudy form fading, Darklily’s as well. His body was waking up. “You’ll get the answers soon enough.”

Then there was a blood-curdling cackle that was the last thing the new medicine cat heard before he awoke into the pitch black.

Chapter Text

In the moon following after Darklily’s naming ceremony, the new medicine cat had grown used to tormenting nightmares and Darkstripe’s increasingly violent thoughts, and he gained a pretty blue jay feather to his neck. What now troubled him was a constant sense of discomfort and dread of hearing others’ perceiving him, and of his own body; the reason why, he was not yet sure of.

Darklily had spent more time with Deadfoot, the two of them often eating together, sharing tongues, and going on walks. Darklily’s feelings didn’t cease, in fact grew stronger, althemore hurting him with the realization that it could never be. I chose to be a medicine cat. I have a duty to follow, and I can never, never take a mate.

Stupid feelings. Stupid heart. Stupid love.

He had also told Barkface, after moons of putting it off, of the prophecy and of Darkstripe, nearly breaking into a meltdown explaining past nightmares. Barkface had listened respectfully, and comforted his apprentice with warm words and gentle assurance. “You’re a strong little cat, and I will always be at your side; you're never alone."

His words were about as comforting as a halfhearted smile, but Darklily accepted it. There's really not much he can do about it, other than say he'll be there. I shouldn't expect so much of him.

What Darklily really craved was the comfort of Deadfoot, but was unsure of how he would react to Darkstripe. Although he knew it was silly, Darklily often thought that Deadfoot would hate him if he figured it out. And Darklily couldn't bear that outcome.

"Not a bad observation," Darkstripe would chime in. "Lots of cats hate me, I'm positive your pathetic little tomfriend would too."

It was the scornful remarks made in Deadfoot's direction that really angered Darklily, and Darkstripe knew that. Don't you dare speak of him like that! Plus, he's just my friend!

Greenleaf was arriving, and with that arrived loads of new problems to add to Darklily's ever growing pile. He had always been inattentive and forgetful, Barkface often needing to repeat orders several times before Darklily could follow through with them. But it seemed more of a nuisance now than when he was an apprentice. 

"StarClan help me," the medicine cat mewed quietly, so Darklily couldn't make it out, "My apprentice is just getting more difficult by the day."

The younger medicine cat heard it, of course. The statement nearly made him cry.

He must hate me now. But I don't blame him. I hate myself too. Why can't I just focus and remember like everyone else? I'm such a mouse-brain and I don't try hard enough.

Darklily was often lost in self deprecating thoughts, which Deadfoot caught onto quickly.

"Darklavender," he mewed, using the silly nickname, "I know what you're thinking about yourself. Just stop, alright? You should be proud of yourself and all of your accomplishments. You are enough."

Darklily wanted to be proud of himself. But that felt nearly impossible. "I can't focus and I forget everything. I’m emotional and I cry all the time, and I keep messing up. Barkface says I’m difficult so he probably is really upset with me, and disappointed with me."

Deadfoot wrapped his paws around Darklily's shaking form. "Shut up." He wiped away a tear that had crawled its way from Darklily's eyes. "Barkface is not disappointed in you, he loves you very much and that will never change."

Darklily shook his head, stomach fluttering and heart knocking against his ribs. "But I’m a code breaker," Darklily's mouth spilled out. “And Barkface could never love a code breaker.”

“How?” Deadfoot purred and then added, “And I’m sure that he’d always love you, or any code breaker.”

“I…” Darklily’s head felt hot and his stomach flipped. Stupid. Now I'm going to get my heart broken because my stupid mouth thinks I haven't been through enough pain already. StarClan, just make me disappear.

“You what?” Deadfoot ventured, staring Darklily down with large, deep green eyes.

“There’s someone that I like. A lot.”

Oh StarClan is this really happening? What should I do? I can't let this happen. Oh no. No no no.

Deadfoot looked nervous. “Are they from another Clan?”

Darklily meowed, “From here, but I’m a medicine cat and I can’t have a mate.

Darkstripe scoffed inside Darklily's mind. "This is tremendously embarrassing. I’m about to melt from the heat in here, could you just get this over with?"

Oh, now you're acting a pinch decent?

Darklily trembled as Deadfoot mewed, “Is it… me?”

Embarrassment, shame, fear, and sadness pulsed through Darklily’s heart, flooding his veins, his head, and his eyes with emotions that were too much, too big to handle. He could barely choke out a “Yes.”

Deadfoot now was shaking. “You mean, you like me? Me?”

Darklily nodded, shrinking to the ground in guilt. Idiot, now you’ve ruined the friendship, and broken the code in one fell swoop. Some medicine cat you are.

“I… I think I like you too. Well, I’ve thought that for a long time,” Deadfoot mewed, more calmly now. Darklily felt the tom’s twisted paw touch his head gently. “It’s okay, really. I mean, I don’t think that medicine cats should be forbidden from having a mate. But if you don’t think it’s a good idea, then I won’t make you do anything.”

Darklily tried to calm himself, but the embarrassment and fear were ebbing away now. He could breathe easier again. “I had no idea that you thought anything of me,” he ventured with a shaky breath.

Deadfoot shuffled a bit. “I’m not sure how well I was at expressing myself.”

Darklily stood up, staring at the stars. They glittered in judgement. Bad, they seemed to mock. “Well, what now?”

“Do you want to try something?” Deadfoot mewed softly. “Not being official mates, just courting?

Darklily paused, eyes locked on the tiny lights of the dark pool of night in the vast sky. On one paw, Deadfoot made him feel so happy. On the other paw, StarClan would be angry.

“Herb dancer, you can’t even have kits. Don’t get your dumb tails in a twist.”

Maybe you are right.

He exhaled. “Yes. I think I would like that.”

That night, Darklily returned back to his nest with a weird, fluttery feeling. But sleep was easy, happy, and light with dreams of warmth and bright smiles. Deadfoot was there the whole time.

“Well, someone is in a good mood today,” Barkface said the following morning, a mouthful of juniper branches muffling his words.

“Oh, me?” Darklily responded, bouncing on his toes, almost dropping his honeycomb onto the new, cold earth. The two medicine cats had been lucky enough to find a hive of docile bees, with mounds of the sweet golden liquid. Darklily had only two bee stings, which itched now. They had plenty of blackberry leaves to treat the strings.

Barkface smiled with warm eyes, the color of the new grass sprigs across the moor. “I’m glad you’re so happy today. To be honest, I have been worrying for you.”

Guilt laced Darklily’s mind. He never intended to worry his mentor. “I’m sorry,” he whispered meekly.

“Oh, don’t be sorry! I’m just glad that your spark is returning!” The brown tomcat nudged the black tabby’s shoulder, or at least tried to. Darklily had grown taller than his mentor, sporting long, spindly legs. Barkface had never been tall, he had short legs to match his stumpy tail.

I wish I could tell you why I’m so happy, Darklily lamented. I doubt you would be too angry with me.

The two slipped into camp and into the medicine den. Darklily searched the camp for Deadfoot, and was disappointed that he wasn’t there. Probably out hunting or on patrol.

“Dark, come in and let me treat your stings,” Barkface called from inside the medicine den. “And I have a few questions for you.”

Darklily’s pelt pricked up. “Oh, uhm, okay.” He plodded over to Barkface and turned the stung side over to Barkface. “I got stung on my shoulder and behind my ear,” he informed. “What do you want to ask?”

Barkface chewed the blackberry leaves slowly, increasing Darklily’s anxiety. “Darklily, you’ve been having nightmares frequently, I hear you whimpering. Are you doing okay?”

Darklily felt somewhat ashamed. “It’s… not exactly me . Having nightmares.”

“I see.” Barkface lathered Darklily’s stings with the chewed leaves, and the nagging itches softened. “Darkstripe?”

Darklily dropped his head and nodded once.

“I’m so sorry. It must be terrifying.”

He’s worrying about me again. “I can manage, for the most part. I’ve learned to drown him out most of the time!” Please don’t worry about me. Please, I don’t want to hurt you. Darkstripe’s presence really had been getting easier to drown out, Darklily noticed that as long as he felt in control of the situation, the din of Darkstripe was nearly silent or gone altogether.

Barkface raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Positive.”

“I can prove that ,” Darkstripe stumbled in at the most ironic of times. “I have to work extra hard to get through to you.” He sneered.

Shut up, I did not ask for you. Darklily clouded Darkstripe’s words, listening to only his mentor. “Anything else?”

Barkface rocked back and forth on his paws, clearly nervous to ask the next question. “Redtail brought this up to me at the last gathering, and I’m worried about it too. Does your short life in ThunderClan ever… torment you?”

For this, Darklily had to think. The two moons in ThunderClan were nothing but fuzzy memories of hunger pains and grief. Darklily didn’t think too much about it, only holding onto the happier memories of Swiftbreeze and Redtail.

“No,” Darklily answered after several long moments. “No, it doesn’t.”

Barkface sighed in relief. “Good, very good.” He flicked the stump of his tail happily, and went to work organizing the new herbs gathered from the morning.

“Do you want anything from the fresh-kill pile?” Darklily questioned, hoping Barkface wouldn’t ask him to help organize the herbs. “I think I saw a moorhen.”

Barkface shook his head. “Not hungry, but you can go eat if you like. Come back and help me reorganize this-” he waved a paw to the crevices stuck full with withering plants, “-this lot of gross herbs.”

Darklily suppressed a sigh; organizing herbs was easily the most boring chore, but it was his duty as a medicine cat. “Alright, Barkface,” and he pranced out. Maybe Deadfoot’s back.

Darklily scanned his eyes across the hollow, he saw the many colored pelts of his clanmates, but none belonged to Deadfoot. 

Disappointing.

A rather excited grey mound of fur slid into Darklily’s path, making his pelt puff out in surprise. Tornpaw had a huge grin on his face, paws bouncing in anticipation. “Darklily, Darklily, Darklily!” He laughed with eyes of the bright sky. “Guess what happened today? Guess!”

Darklily shook out his pelt, and slowly walked to the fresh-kill pile, purposefully dragging out time to tease his brother. “Hmmmmm.”

Tornpaw’s eyes bulged with impatience. 

“Well…” Darklily grabbed a rabbit, and exchanged greetings with Stagleap and Pigeonbreeze who were dropping off their catches onto the pile. “Did you catch something big?”

“Nope!” Tornpaw shook his head. “Guess again!”

Darklily suspected that he had passed his warrior’s assignment and was getting his full name that evening, but kept it dragging, a smirk crossing his face. “Did Tallstar supervise your training today?”

Tornpaw huffed in annoyance. “No, silly! I’m getting my name! Like you! And so is Mudpaw!”

Darklily laughed and rubbed Tornpaw’s head with a paw. “Good job! I’m proud of you!”

Tornpaw bounced in several small circles around Darklily, who was trying to eat his rabbit. “I know my name already, it will be Tornear, but that doesn’t matter! I’m finally an important warrior to WindClan! I can do so much more now!”

“Mhm,” Darklily mumbled with a mouthful of rabbit. He was proud of his brothers, but was more excited to see Deadfoot at the moment. Maybe we can go for a walk later tonight after my brothers’ warrior ceremony. Or just staring up at the sky. I like doing that, watching all the warriors sparkle in the night. It’s beautiful.

“Ooh, you’re looking dreamy,” Tornpaw commented, voice drawing out in a sing-songy way. “Darklily’s in looooove.”

“I am not!” Darklily objected, blood rushing to his face.

“You are too!” Tornpaw smirked and stuck out his tongue. “Who is it?” He tried to track Darklily’s eyes for a clue, but Darklily kept his vision glued to the rabbit. Pesky Tornpaw , Darklily huffed. 

“Who is it? Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

“Not exactly someone that you would expect,” Darklily said, feeling more embarrassed by the second.

Tornpaw’s face scrunched up, thinking hard. “Ashfoot? She brought you here!”

Darklily stifled a laugh. He didn’t talk to her much, apart from short conversations with Deadfoot in the middle; the two were good friends.

“Aren’t medicine cats not allowed to like other cats?” Tornpaw asked.

“Well no one can really help feelings, but we’re not allowed to take a mate.”

Tornpaw took a bite of Darklily’s rabbit and spat out a bit of fur. “I think that’s kind of dumb.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Mind if I join you two?” Asked Deadfoot, who had appeared so suddenly, Darklily gasped in surprise, nearly choking on his meal.

“Sure,” he coughed. “Share with me.” He pushed the rabbit towards Deadfoot’s paws. But Deadfoot shook his head rapidly.

“I’m… not hungry.”

 Darklily sat, a bit confused, but said nothing more as Deadfoot sat down beside the brothers. Tornpaw stared at Darklily, then at Deadfoot, and suddenly his eyes lit up with realization. “Oh. I see who you mean.”

“Hush,” Darklily said. “Don’t say anything.”

Deadfoot’s brow wrinkled. “What?”

Tornpaw’s grey fur fluffed up indignantly. “I wasn’t going to! I’m not that dumb!”

Deadfoot still looked confused. “What are you two talking about?”

Darklily’s heart was pounding and he felt hot in his paws. “Us.”

Deadfoot nodded. “Figures.”

Unlike Darklily’s original prediction, Tornpaw didn’t look at all shocked or confused, learning it was Deadfoot who was his brother’s “love.” The apprentice went right back to his excited chatter of his warrior ceremony. “I’m so excited! I’m finally going to be a warrior! I can have my own apprentice and I don’t have to take orders from anyone, and I can wake up as late as I want!”

Deadfoot gave Darklily a glance, a smile on his face. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” he whispered. Darklily held back a laugh.

“Are you jealous of me, Darklily, for being a warrior?” Tornpaw asked his brother, staring deep into Darklily’s soft honey eyes with his own deep, rushing river of blue eyes.

Darklily shook his head. “I like undoing the damage you warriors inflict on each other,” he replied. “So, you should be jealous of me.”

Deadfoot’s ears drooped. “But us warriors can have mates. And you can’t.”

Well, good job making me feel regret, yet again.

“True,” Darklily responded neutrally. “You do get that privilege.”

“Tornpaw!” Mudpaw yelled from across the clearing. His call was shrill and full of both excitement and fear. Flylight and Wrenflight appeared behind him. Wrenflight had a scratch over her eye.

“ShadowClan’s attacking,” she said gravely. “We can’t hold them back much longer, there’s so many of them. We’ve left Sorrelshine and Doespring out there.”

Darklily’s pelt fluffed with fear. Tornpaw leapt to his paws, seemingly excited for battle. Deadfoot, however, looked just as nervous as Darklily. “This can’t be good,” the warrior said, leaping to his paws and racing to join the crowd of WindClan warriors rushing to Mudpaw, Flylight, and Wrenflight.

Darklily’s mind raced with scenarios of the battle. He imagined the moor coated with the red blood of his Clan, dead cats everywhere. He shuddered and tried to block it out. It will be fine. It will be fine.

Tallstar was the last to leave the camp. “Darklily! Barkface!” He called, and Darklily jumped at the sound. Barkface peeked out of the medicine den. “I anticipate it will all be fine, however, do prepare for it to go downhill.” He then ran away with the rest of the Clan. The only cats left were the kits, elders, and one queen. Darklily swallowed hard and turned to Barkface.

The hollow was eerily quiet with the absence of rowdy warriors and boisterous apprentices. Onekit, Runningkit, and Whitekit stayed close to Plumclaw. Lilywhisker stared anxiously from the horizon to the medicine cats. No cat spoke. The only warriors left were Larksplash and Woollytail, and they disappeared through the tunnel to guard the entrance. Palebird, the permanent queen, followed them out.

“Mama,” Whitekit finally spoke, breaking the silence. “Why did everyone leave?”

“Because ShadowClan wants to kill us all!” Onekit replied for Plumclaw.

Plumclaw’s fur fluffed up. “Onekit, that’s absurd. We’ll be fine.”

The uncertainty of Plumclaw’s words made Darklily all the more nervous. He remembered the fight between Raggedstar and Tallstar during the gathering. He remembered the aggression of the ShadowClan deputy and the warriors at the gatherings prior.

“Barkface? I know ShadowClan doesn’t want to kill us, but what are they trying to do?”

Barkface seemed lost, and frightful. “I don’t know! I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

Darklily remembered the prophecy given to him the night of his naming ceremony. Shadows and wind, they mentioned. Shadows conceal him , someone broken from the stars.

Forced away in unfair war!

“Barkface,” Darklily gulped. “Remember the prophecy I told you about a little bit ago?”

Barkface’s eyes glanced around in wild panic. Seeing his mentor look in such a way made Darklily even more nervous. Why? What’s happening? I’m scared. What will happen?

A stir from Darkstripe, and Darklily clouded his mind again. In a moment like this, Darklily wanted nothing more than to shake in fear. But he couldn’t, and instead suppressed his nerves by nibbling on a lavender stalk.

“It’s Brokentail’s doings, I’m sure of it,” Barkface sighed, and he too ate some lavender. “Well, I’ll get started with making dressings. You go check on the remaining cats in camp.”

Darklily nodded and turned to make his way to Plumclaw. She was standing over the kits, who looked frightened but excited over the concept of battle. Onekit was explaining eagerly to Runningkit and Whitekit about how battles worked. “They use their teeth and claws but for real, and then they hurt the other Clan so they run away.”

Runningkit listened with stars in her eyes. “Woah, that’s so cool!”

Plumclaw looked at the kits. She looked at Darklily. “Nearly the whole Clan left.”

Darklily nodded and tried not to think of the aftermath. “Yes.”

Plumclaw laid her paw over the medicine cat. “It’s worrisome, yet WindClan is strong. I’m sure that we can settle whatever ShadowClan is planning with us.”

Darklily gulped. Or we can be forced from our home. He absentmindedly scratched at his beestings which had begun to itch again.

Onekit said, “I can’t wait ‘til I can battle like the warriors!”

Plumclaw gave him a stern look. “Onekit, listen to me.” All three kits looked up to the queen. “There is nothing fun about battle. This is how many of our clanmates are killed . It’s not some fun and games like your playfights. This is serious.”

Onekit’s ears fell to the side of his head. Whitekit’s eyes filled with fear.

“Maybe that was a little harsh,” Darklily said to Plumclaw. “They’re so young.”

Plumclaw sighed. “Better have them learn now than in the midst of battle.”

The medicine cat stayed with the comfort of the queen and the kits, worrying. He worried about his two brothers and his mother, and he worried about Deadfoot. We’ve just started to understand each other, I can’t lose him now.

“Pssh. You care too much about him.”

And you don’t care about anyone, and that’s what got you where you are right now, Darklily retorted. Darkstripe just makes me angry. I wish he’d just leave, or whatever sent him would take him back.

“Ever considered the fact that I don’t want to be here either?”

It’s obvious, with all the time you spend complaining, actually.

“Darklily, dear,” Plumclaw mewed, “Are you alright? You’re looking a bit disoriented.”

Darklily nodded. “Yeah, fine. I’m just a bit preoccupied.”

Plumclaw stared down at her two kits and Onekit. “You three go and play, I want to speak to Darklily.”

Onekit quivered. “I’m scared that my mother won’t come home,” he squeaked.

Plumclaw laughed. “Your mother’s the deputy, darling. She will come home safe, I promise.”

Onekit smiled and he and the two she-kits ran into the hollow. Plumclaw looked back to Darklily. “Barkface seems a bit shaken up.”

“Yes,” Darklily replied, looking towards the medicine den Barkface had disappeared into. “He’s lost some family from ShadowClan battles.”

“I’m aware, I witnessed both their deaths,” Plumclaw said. “I worry for Ryestalk as well.”

Darklily hadn’t even thought of how his mother would take this. She had always been rather aggressive towards ShadowClan, and feisty in general. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he responded. “She’s smart enough.”

Plumclaw sighed heavily and watched her kits and Onekit playing together in the hollow. The elders, Whiteberry, Cloudrunner, Appledawn, and Lilywhisker, watched from their den in a huddle. “I certainly hope it all goes well. We can’t lose anyone in this beautiful clan.”

Darklily nodded and rested his head on the queen’s shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Barkface wander over to the elders and sniff them over. He closed his eyes and thought of his clanmates and family. He didn’t want to think about losing any of them. The clan just wouldn’t be the same.

The stressed silence stretched on for what felt like hours in the deserted camp. The kits didn’t seem to worry too much, but the adult cats kept a wary eye on the edge of the hollow, where the clan would be returning. The cloud overhead had morphed from a butterfly, to a newborn kit, and to a rabbit before Barkface’s voice rang over the hollow, “They’re back!”

Tallstar in the lead, with Wrenflight and Stagleap right behind. Tallstar’s white patches were spattered with blood, and his left eye was swollen and red. The deputy and her mate had several deep wounds, and Stagleap was limping. Darklily glanced at Barkface, who was racing towards the incoming clan. He followed after, and Plumclaw came along with the kits trailing behind.

“Is anyone seriously injured?” Barkface yelled into the crowd, nervous. “Any dead?”

Tallstar’s ears fell to the side of his head as the hoard parted to reveal the hidden sight. Darklily’s heart dropped. Meadowslip and Hickorynose were carrying the still, lifeless bodies of two of their three kits. Deadfoot’s siblings, Sorrelshine and Pigeonbreeze. Plumclaw let out a small, muffled scream. The parents of the kits looked at the two with eyes distant and cloudy, and the rest of the clan was shivering in shock. Darklily frantically scanned the crowd for Deadfoot, but he wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“It wasn’t their time,” Tallstar growled with a voice hollow with rage and hate. “This was all preventable.”

Darklily felt Tornpaw fall against his shoulder. “I thought nothing bad would happen,” he said.

“Are they the only ones?” Darklily asked, tentatively. He immediately felt bad, worrying about Deadfoot when there was a more pressing matter.

Tornpaw was shaking and eyeing the rest of the clan as they moved into the hollow with the bodies of their clanmates. “Yes, just them. Just them. If you’re wondering where Deadfoot is, he ran off after the battle. He’ll show, I’m sure.”

Darklily sighed heavily, and gave his brother a lick on the face. “I’m glad you and Mudpaw and Mother are safe then. I’ll be back in a moment with herbs.” He began to walk away, but Tornpaw followed.

“I want to stay with you,” the grey tom mewed.

Barkface pulled away from the crowd and caught up with the two younger toms. His mood made the air feel like a thunderstorm, despite the hot sun beating down on the hollow from directly above.

"Barkface?" Tornpaw asked gently, "Are you alright?"

Darklily expected Barkface to plaster on a smile and lead him and Tornpaw into the medicine den, but Barkface started shaking.

Darklily turned to look Tornpaw in the eye. "There's several bundles of herbs in the back, grab them and give them to those injured. They should be chewed already, but if not you can chew them and put them on wounds." He felt Barkface press into his chest. "We'll help you out in a minute."

Tornpaw nodded and scurried into the medicine den. Barkface was shaking against his apprentice, and appeared to be having trouble breathing.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He gulped for air and pulled away, eyes wide and frightened. "I'm so sorry, Darklily. I'm so, so sorry." The brown tom curled into a trembling, wheezing lump of fur at Darklily's paws.

Darklily was shocked, Barkface never lost his temper nor his composure so Darklily had no idea what to do. He was relieved the rest of the Clan was distracted by the silent vigil, so there weren't any extra eyes on the panicked medicine cat.

"Barkface, you don't need to be sorry, you haven't done anything wrong."

Barkface either didn't hear his apprentice, or didn't have the ability to respond, as he didn't react. He stayed, breathing heavily, trembling. Darklily sat next to his mentor, and laid his tail across his back. Barkface shook it off, and whimpered.

The stress from the rest of the Clan was getting to Darklily, as well as the worry for Deadfoot and for Barkface. Stay calm, I can break down later. Stay calm, and help Barkface. "Barkface, it'll be alright, whatever it is. Do you want to talk about it?"

Barkface uncovered his face and stared at Darklily with desperate pairs of amber-green eyes. He gasped for air, coughed, and shook his head.

Barkface always knows how to help me. I just wish I knew how to help him.

He tucked his legs under his body. His beestings began itching again from the tingling sensation running along his pelt.

Barkface makes me breathe deep. Maybe that can help.

“Breathe with me, Barkface,” Darklily mewed into his ear. He made loud, deep sounds and blew out the air onto his mentor’s pinned ears. “Come on, in, hold, and out.”

It took a moment, but Barkface eventually breathed with his apprentice. Darklily became aware of Tornpaw standing close, watching with apprehension. Darklily flicked his tail towards the crowd of cats around the bodies of Sorrelshine and Pigeonbreeze. “Take the herbs to them, we’ll be with you soon.”

After another several rounds of deep breathing, Barkface calmed. “Panic attack?” Darklily asked.

Barkface nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” Darklily licked his mentor’s ears. “We all have our moments. Besides, you don’t allow me to be sorry when this happens to me.” Darklily stood up and motioned for Barkface to do the same. He did, reluctantly, wobbling on his legs.

"I really miss my brother," Barkface ventured cautiously. "I miss my mother, and I'll miss Pigeonbreeze and Sorrelshine. ShadowClan took them all too soon. Shrewclaw never even knew he had kits."

The short tom didn’t mention his father, Redclaw, who had died last leaf-bare from greencough. The two weren’t close, Redclaw hadn’t been very supportive of his son wanting to be a medicine cat seasons prior, Darklily knew.

But he hadn’t died in battle, like everyone else he’s speaking of.

Darklily gently leaned against Barkface, and the tom didn't pull away this time. "You've been a fantastic medicine cat for them all, I'm sure they appreciated it deeply."

“It’s my passion. I hope I’ve made a lasting impact on them.”

The two made their way to the medicine den, where they saw Tornpaw struggling to apply chunky poultices on deep wounds. The grey apprentice was queasy around deep wounds, as well as vomit, and seemed to be struggling to apply a poultice onto Doespring’s shoulder with his eyes screwed closed.

Darklily smiled. “Thank you, Tornpaw. We can take it from here.”

Tornpaw nodded his head and nearly fled from the den. Darklily and Barkface started inside, looking upon their grieving clanmates with nasty battle wounds. Deadfoot was still nowhere to be found.

“Darklily,” Barkface whispered, scooping up the misplaced poultice from Doespring, “I worry a lot. About our animosity.”

“Me too,” Darklily responded softly, chewing celadine for Tallstar’s swollen eye. The prophecy echoed in his head. “This could end up going terribly wrong.”

Chapter Text

“Mudclaw! Tornear!”

It had been the most melancholy ceremony Darklily had ever been a part of. It felt wrong to name new warriors after two had just been killed, but it happened anyway. Tornear and Mudclaw stood between Tallstar’s rock and the half-arc of the Clan, looking just as down as everyone else. Not even a fox length away was the bodies of Sorrelshine and Pigeonbreeze.

Deadfoot had returned just in time for the naming ceremony, and he smelled faintly of vomit. “Are you sick?” Darklily whispered gently. Deadfoot hesitated, but shook his head.

The singing was somber all around. Mudclaw looked somewhat disappointed for his and Tornear’s special day being overshadowed by the death of their Clanmates. Tornear’s face was distant and blank.

“I’m all my parents have left now,” Deadfoot blurted. His head was nuzzled on Darklily’s shoulder, eyes fixed on the ground. 

Darklily didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry I ran off,” Deadfoot continued.

“As long as you’re still here, that’s all I care about,” Darklily assured. “I don’t think your parents want all three of you dead.”

Deadfoot sniffed and lifted his head gently. “True, yet-” he stopped abruptly and said no more. Ache pierced Darklily’s heart.

The night was long, sorrowful and cold. Anger was tense and thick in the hollow, so thick one could slice through it with their claws. Deadfoot stuck by Darklily, the quietest whimper escaping his throat as the elders dragged away the bodies. “Shh,” Darklily whispered. “It’ll be okay.”

Deadfoot’s voice was low and broken, but there was no mistaking of the pure rage nipping the edge of his words. “I hate them. The next time those ShadowClan foxhearts see my face, they best believe it’s the last one they see.”

His harsh words made Darklily’s coat prick, yet he tried to remember Deadfoot was speaking only from grief. One tends to speak irrationally in times of such sorrow.

Darklily was growing weary of ignoring heartache, and yet it was the easiest way to avoid Darkstripe’s turmoil, it wasn't easy to feel better control his negative feelings. Darkstripe seemed to never shut up, a constant broken voice who believed the only way to feel peace was to get revenge. Darklily worried; Deadfoot was thinking the same now.

Revenge, however, was a shared thought among the majority of WindClan. The next morning, tauntingly warm and colorful, Tallstar was grumbling to Barkface.

“I can’t keep losing my clanmates, it’s about time they see how it feels,” the leader snarled, a sadistic glint in his narrowed eyes.

Barkface looked too worn down to object. He was aware of the most recent prophecy, and seemed to realize that ShadowClan might drive them out, and they’d be powerless against their advances. Tallstar, if he knew, obviously thought that WindClan would prevail. They had to prevail, there was too much to lose.

Ryestalk and Meadowslip stood together at the edge of the camp. Darklily could make out the two talking, softly. “Don’t worry, your kits will not be forgotten, it was a time ShadowClan will remember as their last mistake,” Ryestalk said.

Meadowslip replied, “I hope so. I truly hope so.”

Darklily’s mother, as he had been told, had a strong temper and was quick to anger. She was fine around him and his brothers, but even to them she would get frustrated over seemingly nothing. Her anger made her a strong fighter and brave warrior, however led her to make irrational decisions in the heat of a moment, often yelling and spitting out in angry bursts. Meadowslip was a bit calmer, yet in no way even tempered.

No warrior in the Clan had an easy-going personality, stubborn and fierce, quick to anger with sharp tongues. This was the main difference Darklily had noticed between his WindClan companions and ThunderClan upbringing; WindClan often showed no mercy, ThunderClan would often be more reasonable.

The two medicine cats had more sense, however sometimes even Barkface would act likewise to the warriors.

Mudclaw brought his opinion to Darklily bright and early that morning, “I hate everyone,” he said plainly. “The other Clans suck .”

Darklily only nodded, words did not come to his tongue, too distraught to make a sound. Tornear greeted his medicine cat brother without a word, following meekly behind Mudclaw.

Deadfoot was curled in a troubled sleep near his parents, obviously he had been through a difficult night of restless sleep. Darklily took a closer look at him and noticed he was still as thin as he’d been in the scarce time of food in leaf-bare. It was new-leaf now, and most cats now had been gaining a healthy plump to their bones.

Barkface pulled away from Tallstar and joined his apprentice’s side. “And to think, we have the half-moon gathering tonight.”

Dread dropped into Darklily’s stomach, and his heart felt heavy. No, please. The thought of facing ShadowClan, even though it was just Yellowfang and Runningnose, was frightening.

“At least the medicine cats didn’t attack us, but I’ll be having an angry word with them about their Clan.”

But it’s not their fault!

“They can at least learn how to talk sense into everyone!”

It was probably out of their control.

Barkface seemed frustrated with Darklily’s lack of an answer. “Don’t tell me you think they’re completely innocent!” He reasoned, exasperated.

Darklily stared into Barkface’s wild eyes. Amber-green and angry, but mostly frightened. There’s nothing that could have been done on their end, I’m sure.

Barkface let out a long, heavy sigh. “I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I’m a medicine cat, and I make peace. I will put aside all prejudice for the sake of upholding companionship and empathy.” He then looked up at the rising sun and sighed, “Only StarClan can judge ShadowClan now.”

Medicine cat gatherings, Darklily had come to discover, were more of a chore than an adventure that he had enjoyed as an apprentice. It seemed rather nonsensical to traverse across the territories, and climb up into the foothills to a glowing blue rock to speak with the dead.

I can do that on my own time, the dead lives in my head.

Well, not exactly dead, per say, but it’s close enough.

Barkface waited with Mudfur and Darklily, both looking just as uninterested as Darklily felt. If anything, the meetings were a time to learn of the small parts of the other Clan’s life. The several injuries that kits had received, odd prey that made someone sick, and the more exciting of kit announcements.

Spottedleaf was the next to join the group, rather excited compared to the others. “Darklily!” She exclaimed happily. “It’s so great to see you again!”

Darklily smiled politely. If anything, he had a chance to catch up with his ThunderClan family once again.

Barkface immediately broke the news of ShadowClan’s attack the previous day. Mudfur’s head whipped around in shock, and Spottedleaf's ears flattened back in confusion.

“Barkface,” Mudfur inquired, “Why is it important to bring this up now?”

Barkface huffed, “Because they killed some of our warriors.”

Darklily shifted his feet awkwardly, obviously Barkface would not remain as courteous during the meeting. “Barkface, please don’t take it out on Yellowfang and Runningnose, they almost certainly had no part in this!”

“Darklily is right,” Spottedleaf agreed. “Barkface, I understand that you’re upset, however, please don’t do anything irrational.”

Barkface’s eyes weren’t on Spottedleaf or his apprentice, they were fixated on three shadows coming towards them, with ShadowClan’s scent.

“Oh, a new apprentice!” Mudfur said. “They look a bit larger than a ‘paw, must be a former warrior.”

Barkface’s stump of a tail flicked back and forth rapidly. “That’s Brokentail. ”

Darklily looked behind his shoulder, and indeed it was. The ripped up ShadowClan warrior was walking in front of the medicine cats, looking rather smug.

Spottedleaf scoffed as the ShadowClan cats met up. “Yellowfang, why are you bringing a warrior with you?”

Runningnose tilted his head nervously. “Well, he’s gaining his nine lives tonight.”

“ What? ” Barkface barked harshly, teeth bared.

Mudfur laid a paw on the furious cat. “Calm down, it’s alright.”

Brokentail sniffed hautily. “Besides, I can’t have my medicine cats unprotected around WindClan .”

Any cool Barkface had remained completely left his body, in a flash of brown, the small and soft-spoken medicine cat was on top of Brokentail. A fury of claws and teeth.

Darklily screamed and Yellowfang desperately tried to rip Barkface away. Brokentail didn’t have to do much to get the enraged cat off him, he just shoved him off his back and pinned Barkface with a huge paw, sharp claws piercing Barkface’s chest. The small medicine cat looked like a mouse under Brokentail’s giant paws. Barkface flailed aimlessly under his grip, kicking helplessly at the bigger cat’s leg.

Spottedleaf and Mudfur stood back in fear and confusion, Runningnose pleaded, “Let him go! He’s not trained in fighting, please!”

Yellowfang bit Brokentail’s paw and the moment of shock brought the large tabby’s paw up and off Barkface. Darklily darted forward and dragged his mentor away before he had the chance to leap up again.

Yellowfang stood in front of Brokentail and shouted, “That was mighty uncalled for, Barkface! You are a medicine cat!”

Barkface was bleeding and smelt of fear, however he stood his ground next to Darklily. “We’re leaving. I will not share my time with pondscum!”

Heat flashed through Darklily’s heart. “No, Barkface, no, we have to go.”

“No,” Barkface growled.

Brokentail’s eyes glinted with malice, he seemed to be pleased to have angered and injured the medicine cat.

Spottedleaf argued, “Barkface, it’ll be fine. Nothing will happen!”

Mudfur mumbled, “When did Raggedstar die anyway?”

“Last night, during the WindClan attack,” Runningnose whispered back.

The realization flooded into Darklily’s head. “ We killed Raggedstar? No one ever told me that!”

Yellowfang’s eyes were angry and narrow. “Brokentail dragged his body back to camp, claiming a herd of warriors attacked while he was fleeing, and ruthlessly took all of his lives away.”

Barkface hissed, “That didn’t happen!”

“Of course,” countered Brokentail, “A WindClan foxheart would say that.”

Darklily lashed out at Barkface. “So both sides participated in killing! That’s that! We both can be angry, fair enough, so can we please just get to the moonstone?”

Mudfur nodded, “Yes, please. We’re losing moonlight by now.”

Barkface was shaking, blood was soaking his fur. “I won’t be going. Neither will Darklily. Goodbye!”

Darklily scoffed. “Why me?”

“Because you can’t seem to understand truth from lie,” Barkface snapped, teeth bared.

“You’re punishing me?” Darklily questioned. “For believing in Brokentail?”

Runningnose glazed at Darklily sadly. He looked disappointed to see his friend needing to leave. “It’s complicated,” the grey tom said. “I’d be confused to. Barkface just has a bad relation-”

“ Darklily! ” Barkface roared, already on the other side of the thunderpath. “Get over here right now!”

Spottedleaf crossed over to Darklily. “I’ll see you across,” she whispered. “I’ll be with the rest of you in a moment,” she added to the others, looking cautiously on both sides of the thunderpath before quickly walking across. Defeated, Darklily followed. Best try and talk Barkface onto my side than get him more upset by me staying with them.

When they were halfway across, Spottedleaf said, “I was hoping to tell you this on our walk up, but it seems that won’t happen.” Both cats leaped onto the grass of WindClan’s territory, safely on the other side.

Barkface sat, staring down at his paws, fur pricked, eyes distant.

“What?” Darklily asked.

“Redtail,” Spottedleaf smiled, “Is going to have more kits.”

News, this was, that shocked Darklily. He didn’t know how to even react. There was excitement, yes, but also a hollow feeling. A feeling that he couldn’t place. “Wow,” was all he mustered out.

“Let’s go,” Barkface said roughly. “Goodbye, Spottedleaf.”

Spottedleaf nuzzled Darklily one last time before sprinting across the thunderpath. Darklily watched her join up with the others, and they immediately restarted their journey. Only Brokentail stayed for only a moment, yellow eyes piercing through the night, glaring across the thunderpath, before he too followed after the others.

“Barkface!” Darklily chased after his mentor. "What’s going on with you?"

Barkface didn't answer, blind rage silencing his words, pushing him back home.

Darklily's fear and confusion was close to overwhelming. Darkstripe, do you know what happens?

"Truthfully, not a clue. But I know it’s bad," Darkstripe replied smugly. "You're about to find out for yourself, herb dancer."

Well, you're no help. I guess that's what I get for consulting with the shadows.

Barkface plodded onward, the wind whipping his clotted fur. The scratches and punctures were deep, and Darklily knew Barkface would be in a ton of pain once the adrenaline left his body. “Barkface?” Darklily tried again.

Still, nothing. Barkface was walking, fast, across the moor. Darklily followed at a swift trot, stealing occasional glances at the mountains where the rest of the medicine cats would be.

Closer to the camp, the medicine cats met up with Deadfoot, alone with a mouse. “Darklily! Barkface! What are you doing here, so early?” He sounded startled. “And Barkface, you’re hurt!”

Barkface let out a rumbling growl.

Darklily shouldered closer up to Deadfoot. He smelled of vomit. “There was a bit of a scuffle tonight between Barkface and Brokentail. It seems that our warriors killed Raggedstar last night.”

“What?” Deadfoot questioned. “He wasn’t even there.”

Barkface’s attention snapped. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Deadfoot continued. “It was just Brokentail and several warriors, like maybe ten? Raggedstar was not among them.”

Barkface nodded, and continued with pain showing on his face, the wounds were getting to him now.

“Why was he attacked?” Deadfoot whispered.

“It was Barkface who attacked, and he made us both leave in a hurry,” Darklily explained. “Brokentail’s getting his nine lives tonight. I don’t know if it’s okay that he’s getting them as the medicine cat’s are speaking with StarClan, but who am I to judge? I wouldn’t want to get ShadowClan even more upset with us.”

“Guess so,” Deadfoot reasoned, reaching the camp and stopping at the top of camp to look out on the warriors sharing tongues. Barkface was already down and talking to Tallstar. “Is it possible that Raggedstar was killed by rogues and ShadowClan mistook their scent for us? We chased off a small group of rogues from our territory yesterday morning, before the battle.”

Darklily descended the hills into the camp, watching the stares of the confused warriors. “But would the rouges really kill him nine times? And why wouldn’t they try to kill our patrol?”

Deadfoot shrugged. “One Raggedstar, three rouges, five WindClan. Maybe they were feeling more confident and hungrier.”

Darklily didn’t think that was the case, but it was the most reasonable explanation. “Yes, I guess so.” He sniffed at Deadfoot’s fur. “Are you sick?”

Deadfoot hesitated. “No?”

Darklily was about to counter, but Barkface rejoined, fire burning in his eyes. “Darklily, come with me.”

Darklily held a paw up to Deadfoot. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Barkface glared and stalked off towards the medicine den, Darklily following behind. “Barkface, I really just want you to think of this before you explain too much to Tallstar, you know, Deadfoot just said-”

“Shut up!” Barkface yelled, shocking Darklily and making him jump back. “You’re over there, thinking you have some moral high-ground because oh, you think he’s innocent? Well listen here!” Barkface’s teeth were showing, gleaming, and Darklily was crouching lower, beginning to shake. In that moment, it wasn’t Barkface yelling. It was Willowpelt. “We lost our warriors, and Brokentail lied . He is a horrible cat, undeserving of understanding.”

Darklily gulped. “Barkface, I’m only asking-”

“I don’t want to hear it!” Barkface hollered. His teeth flashed the same way Willowpelt’s had moons ago. “Just, shut up! Okay? You don’t know everything .”

Heat raged through Darklily’s body. “Get him Darklily!” Darkstripe shouted gleefully.

Darklily felt sick and weak. But he would not cry, not now. He stood up tall, staring down at Barkface. “To think,” he whispered, trying not to let a hint of hurt into his voice, “That I looked up to you. I thought you were there for me.”

Barkface’s eyes narrowed. Cats behind them were starting to murmur.

“But it seems I was completely wrong.”

“Haha, good job!” Darkstripe cheered. “I knew you had it in you!”

Darklily didn’t feel confident though, and, like after most unfortunate happenings in his life, he took off running.

“Darklily, come back!” Tornear yelled after him. “I’ll listen to you!”

Darklily didn’t answer, he didn’t want anyone to come after him. Well, maybe Deadfoot, but Darklily didn’t think he was in the right mind to talk to even him.

“That’s what you get when you look up to someone.”

True , Darklily agreed, shocked to be resonating with Darkstripe. Some little part of him knew that he was overreacting, and both him and Barkface needed to calm down, that it would blow over if Barkface only had space for a while.

“So, you really think I’m all that bad?”

Well, sometimes, I feel kind of sorry for you.

Darkstripe barked out a laugh. “That’s funny! My own life was alright, eventually. I made it through.”

I guess so.

“You and I will be good friends someday, Darklily. I’m sure of it.”

Darklily didn’t think this was true. He didn’t want it to be true.

A short while of running later, Darklily was shocked to notice he had run right onto ThunderClan territory. He could feel Darkstripe’s excitement. He felt immediate unease, but took a few deep breaths. I guess I can stay here until I figure everything out.

It was odd, traversing on territory he once called home. Trees that covered the sky, but once made for a comforting shelter. He’d only been on this path once, as a little kit. That day was still a vivid memory, the emotions and scents ingrained in his mind forever. The trees looked the same, even after several moons had passed. ThunderClan scent was still as strong as it was then, he could smell Patchpelt, Robinwing, Frostfur, and even a ShadowClan warrior. Bluestar’s scent occasionally crossed his nose.

If he wasn’t taking in the nostalgia, he would’ve heard the ThunderClan leader herself, as well as Redtail coming in his direction. But he didn’t hear until Bluestar’s commanding voice questioning, “Hey! What are you doing here?”

Started, Darklily jumped back.

“Darklily?” Redtail mewed, running up to greet him. “Why are you here? You should be at the moonstone. Or in WindClan? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Bluestar’s ears twitched. “Redtail, back off a bit. Darklily, what are you doing?”

Darklily gulped and stared at Bluestar’s intimidatingly blue eyes. “Barkface thinks I’m incapable of getting involved with clan affairs and that I should just stop talking and he hates me.”

Bluestar cocked her head. “Really now? All of that?”

Redtail nodded. “He doesn’t seem to be the type to do that.”

Darklily shrugged, starting to feel afraid and alone. “I don’t know what to do, we had a fight with ShadowClan yesterday, and Barkface attacked Brokentail today, and he yelled at me before I ran away.”

Redtail looked towards Bluestar. “What should we do?”

Bluestar looked in the direction of WindClan’s territory. “Darklily, what do you want to do?”

Darklily shifted awkwardly. “I’m scared to go back because Barkface hates me.”

Bluestar sighed. “I suppose,” she mewed reluctantly, “We can keep you here for the night.”

Redtail smiled wide.

Darklily shivered. “I’m sorry Bluestar, I didn’t really expect to end up here.”

“I normally wouldn’t allow it,” Bluestar said. “However, you’re a medicine cat and a former ThunderClan member. I can make an exception just this once.”

Darklily breathed a heavy sigh. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to return the favor.”

Bluestar turned around and started walking again. “Camp’s this way. Tell me what happened. Redtail, thank you for telling me you’re expecting. I’m happy for you.”

Oh! I’ve practically forgotten that!

“Of course,” Redtail said. He walked next to Darklily, and Darklily could smell the distinct but faint scent of an expecting cat.

“Yesterday,” Darklily began, “ShadowClan attacked us. Two of our warriors were killed, and the Clan has been very torn up about it. As we were heading to the gathering tonight, we figured out that Raggedstar had been killed. Brokentail would be getting his nine lives as we shared tongues with StarClan. Barkface jumped on Brokentail and after that, his anger was too much to control. Me and Deadfoot suspect that ShadowClan attacked us because they thought we killed Raggedstar, but Deadfoot said some rouges were chased off and it could have been them.”

Bluestar nodded. “I see.”

Redtail asked, “What was up with Barkface then? Why does he hate you?”

Darklily gulped down a lump in his throat. “I guess it’s because I tried to argue that there was a misunderstanding and if we could just explain it to ShadowClan, this fight could be stopped. But he told me to shut up and that the world isn’t as nice and friendly as I think it is.” Tears pricked Darklily's eyes and he desperately tried to hold them in. “But I tried my best to make everything okay again, but he just blew up.”

“I don’t think he hates you,” Bluestar reasoned. “Everyone just has their moments.”

I hope he doesn’t hate me, because I still care about him a lot.

Redtail whispered something to Bluestar. Bluestar nodded and continued to Darklily, “It’s best you’re kept separate from Willowpelt, luckily she is out right now. But we’ll make sure she doesn’t bother you.”

Darklily reasoned, “I, uh, I really don’t care too much.”

In reality, he hadn’t considered Willowpelt, but wasn’t going to make himself a further inconvenience to anyone in ThunderClan by refusing to interact with one of their warriors.

Inside the camp, most warriors were finishing up their meals when their leader and deputy returned with the WindClan medicine cat.

“What’s Darklily doing here?” Brindleface questioned, with confused green eyes. She was licking a white and red kit clean.

“Darklily?” Rosetail mewed happily, purring as she trotted over to her half-brother’s kit. “What a nice surprise!”

“Hi,” Darklily replied nervously. He had his eyes on Tigerclaw, who was eating with Whitestorm and Lionheart on the far end of camp. He was watching suspiciously. While Darklily felt uneasy over the tabby’s watch, Darkstripe was flooding with excitement.

“Darklily?”

“Why’s he here?”

“What happened?”

“Does he want to come back to ThunderClan now?”

ThunderClan cats that Darklily once knew so well, in a place he once called home. They didn’t look hostile, but rather curious.

Bluestar climbed on top of the high rock in the middle of the Clan. “ThunderClan, we are taking in Darklily of Wind Clan just for tonight. When Spottedleaf returns, if she isn’t too tired, I will select one of you to politely escort her to WindClan so we can let Tallstar know that we have their medicine cat.”

“Bluestar!” Frostfur shouted from the bottom of the rock. “Why is he here?”

“That’s something he can explain for himself,” Redtail replied instead. “We’re offering hospitality, not judgment.”

Frostfur’s cold eyes watched Darklily. Not concerned, but not totally trusting. One of the two kits pried herself from Brindleface’s paws and tongue and ran up to the medicine cat bravely. “Hi!”

Darklily smiled. “Hello.”

ThunderClan slowly went back to their meals. Darklily was amused by how late they were eating, WindClan ate mid-sunset. They stole quick glances at him but overall seemed uninterested.

The kit, who Darklily guessed was Robinwing’s, looked to be about three moons old. She was friendly, not shy at all, unlike WindClan kits.

Robinwing stood up and another kit followed after her, sticking underneath her belly. The kit in front of Darklily mewed, “I’m Cherrykit, and my brother is too scared to say hello.”

Darklily nodded. Robinwing joined up with them and leaned next to Cherrykit. “Did you know he’s your kin?”

Oh right! They’re Patchpelt’s kits!

Patchpelt, during Darklily’s time in ThunderClan, hadn’t seemed to have any mates, but several moons ago, Spottedleaf explained that he had two mates, Fuzzypelt and Robinwing. Darklily didn’t even think something like that was possible.

Cherrykit shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”

“He’s a part of your father’s family,” Robinwing explained. “It’s nice to see you again, Darklily.”

Darklily nodded. “Yeah, it’s just a bit odd to be back.”

A pale tan and black-stripped kit peeked out from under Robinwing. “This is Longkit, he’s a bit shy,” his mother explained.

Cherrykit craned her head to face her brother. “Kin, Longkit!”

Watching the only kits in ThunderClan made Darklily feel a sense of guilt all over again. ThunderClan had struggled, the last apprentices they had gone through had been Mousefur and Runningwind, who were well grown now. Darklily, and Bluestar’s three kits would’ve kept the roles going, however Bluestar’s were killed and Darklily was moved. Cherrykit and Longkit were the first kits in seasons that ThunderClan received. Next would be Redtail’s.

Longkit stepped out to take a few curious sniffs before running back to where his family was. Cherrykit chased after him, hollering. Robinwing chuckled and started to return to the rest of her family. “Have a good night, Darklily. Happy to see you again!”

Darklily didn’t remember much of Robinwing during his time in ThunderClan, even though she and Fuzzypelt were now both Patchpelt’s mates. He saw her occasionally, on various nights when he was out and about. There was remorse as he gazed out at his would-be Clan. He knew everyone, save for the two kits, but almost no one he knew well. A camp that was almost home, a territory he would’ve once reigned with ease and comfort. 

“It’s home,” Darkstripe breathed. “This is the place where I hailed. Where the trees cover the sky, where the foliage is lush and green. Here, I learned very quickly how to survive.”

Darklily didn’t know how Darkstripe would’ve survived longer, how little the other Redtail and Spottedleaf must have cared. Or maybe, the other Clans never said they would take him.

This little fact made Darklily pity Darkstripe a bit more, but he refused to let him know that.

Redtail took Darklily inside the medicine den. “Surreal, isn’t it?” He questioned inside.

“Yes,” Darklily replied. ThunderClan made him feel uneasy and isolated, but he couldn’t go home. He doubted anyone in his clan wanted him back. Tears started to fall.

“Hey, hey,” Redtail whispered, rushing to the younger cat’s aid. “If Spottedleaf isn’t too tired, I promise I will go with her to WindClan and we can get you home, alright?”

“I want to go home,” Darklily began, “But I don’t think Barkface wants me anymore.”

Redtail shook his head slowly. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to say anything that he did, sometimes cats just get angry.”

Darklily sniffed. “I still love him so much, but he doesn’t want me around.”

“No,” Redtail repeated. “He probably just needed some time to relax and recollect himself. You did him and yourself a favor by removing yourself. That’s what me and Runningwind are doing right now, in fact.”

“Wait,” Darklily snapped his head up to stare into Redtail’s bright amber eyes. “What?”

Redtail laughed a bit. “Yeah, me and Runningwind got into an argument. He wants me to stay at rest until the kits come, but both Spottedleaf and Bluestar say I’ll be fine as long as I don’t strain myself.”

“Oh,” Darklily mewed, drying his eyes.

“The thing is,” Redtail began again, “All the other expecting cats I’ve seen go about warrior duties until a moon and a half in, but Runningwind is too worried about it going wrong again.”

Darklily offered up some of his own advice. “Our deputy gave birth a few moons after she became deputy, and she still did everything she was supposed to until Onekit was born, and was back to her duties a few days afterwards. But Plumclaw was my brother’s mentor, and because of complications, Barkface advised her to rest much longer. It’s nothing really against the exertion, just the cat.”

“I understand,” Redtail responded. “It’s just Runningwind doesn’t want to lose our kits again.” Grief was raw in his voice. “I want to be a good deputy, but I have to keep my unborn kits safe too.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Darklily assured as a yawn split his face in two.

Redtail sighed. “You’re exhausted.”

Darklily reluctantly nodded. Tired as he was, he wanted to stay up until Spottedleaf came back, just so she could explain anything important. And yet, he was exhausted.

Redtail fluffed up a spare nest. “It’s new, it was cleaned out last moon when Robinwing had to spend the night with her sick little ones.” He hung his head. “When we lost Chestnutkit,”

Darklily’s heart ached, he hadn’t remembered that Robinwing had a third kit. Poor Patchpelt , was all he could muster to think. It felt biased to only care about his direct kin, he scolded himself silently for that.

“Poor little Chestnutkit, his back legs didn’t work, and he died of a terrible bellyache. We thought we would lose Longkit too, but he seemed to have pulled threw,” Redtail explained as Darklily curled up into the nest. “We all miss the little thing, he was a ray of sunshine.” (a/n: see the notes below to learn about irl medical conditions and not warrior cats "you live or you die from throwing-up-and-hurting-belly-disease")

Darklily didn’t feel good enough to be talking about dead kits he was supposed to know, so he instead asked, “If Barkface doesn’t hate me, tell me so I can race home and apologize?”

“Of course, but I am certain he does not hate you,” Redtail replied. “Goodnight Dark.”

“Goodnight,” Darklily responded, feeling homesick all over again. This medicine den was darker and the herb smell was less pungent, and he could barely smell the forest around him. Back home, herbs were sharp and spicy, and the short entrance made for a more lit-up den. Sleep, however, came easier than expected and he was lulled away by thinking of an evening on the moor with Deadfoot.

“Dark, wake up,” someone whispered. “Please, I’m sorry, I believe you.”

Darklily’s eyes flew open, but the ThunderClan medicine den had very little light. The only thing he could see was faint shapes, but he could tell it was Barkface standing in front of him.

Relief.

“It’s way past moonhigh,” Spottedleaf breathed somewhere behind Darklily. “Me and Redtail came and brought Barkface back here.”

Barkface exhaled shakily. “I’m so sorry, Darklily. I never should have said any of that.”

Darklily, still half-asleep, mumbled, “I forgive you.”

Barkface continued, “We sent cats after you a few moments after you took off, and they had trouble tracking your scent. We worried-” he broke off suddenly, and continued, “that you’d been hit on the thunderpath somewhere, or fell off the gorge.”

“But it’ll be alright now,” Spottedleaf said. “You’ll be returned home, and you and Barkface can settle your differences there.”

Darklily stood up and stretched. He could see a bit better, just enough to make out a clear outline of the walls and floor. Spottedleaf could get around with ease, and Darklily assumed ThunderClan had been well adapted to the darker nights under the thick cover of trees. Back home, the moon was bright and colors were still visible most nights. WindClan’s night vision was less adapted than the ThunderClan cats. If Darklily had grown up here, he might’ve had the same vision level as ThunderClan.

Spottedleaf sighed and Darklily could hear her walk towards the exit. “I’m happy I was able to help you two. Now you best be heading home, wouldn’t want to be caught out in the dangers of the night.”

Barkface shook out his fur. “Thank you for taking care of my apprentice, I am sorry my actions brought him back.”

Darklily felt hot with guilt.

“No worries, Barkface,” Spottedleaf assured. “Just be sure to work through all of your disagreements so Darklily doesn’t run off again.”

Darklily stood up, tail between his legs, guilty. He stuck close behind Barkface and stepped back outside to the ThunderClan camp.

“Goodbye,” Spottedleaf mewed. “Make it home safe, and don’t do anything like that again, Darklily. Such a silly little tomcat.”

The word tomcat made Darklily feel odd, for reasons he couldn’t explain. In fact, many times when he was referred to in a more tom-like manner, it felt wrong.

But, he said his goodbyes to Spottedleaf nonetheless, and hurried his way after Barkface. The older medicine cat was purring again.

Chapter Text

The main attack had been the worst, but only the start of a relentless downpour onto WindClan. Less devastating these times, WindClan held up a good fight. The worst of the fights resulted in a severe injury to Flylight. The young tom had a deep scratch inside his ear, which had become horribly infected, and wouldn’t heal. Barkface gave Flylight poppy seeds, and as Tallstar and Darklily held him still, removed the dying flesh. Darklily didn’t know how Barkface was able to do so, and didn’t want to know. The smell and screams were enough to keep the curiosities at bay.

“It” was a word Darklily liked. And along with “he”, the Clan called Darklily “it” too. It was an odd comfort, the new words. The discomfort was less of a problem for Darklily now, it felt less like a tom, and more like a cat. Just a cat. Nothing else.

Onekit was now Onepaw, and Darklily was thrilled to see that Deadfoot was his mentor. The new apprentice was taking well to the responsibilities of Clan duties.

Darklily also had decided to interact with more of its Clanmates. Even though he’d lived in WindClan for seasons now, his social circle was rather small. Mudclaw and Tornear had more friends within the Clan, and Darklily was slowly getting to know them more. Being shy wasn’t helping its case, and guilt flooded it to learn of all the Clan affairs that hadn’t crossed its side of life. I’ve been somewhat of a social shut-in my whole life.

Morningflower and Ashfoot, Wrenflight’s older daughters, were the fastest friends Darklily made. Ashfoot and Deadfoot were already friends, and Tornear had stuck around Morningflower often. They were boisterous and fun, Darklily found himself crawling out of his shell around the two she-cats. 

Deadfoot was acting atypical from any cat Darklily witnessed. He’d disappear after the sundown meal, after having eaten near nothing, and would return in the dark of night smelling like he’d been sick, sometimes with prey. “I like to go hunting, alone, at night,” he muttered when Darklily questioned one night during the evening meal.

“This is new,” Ashfoot added.

Deadfoot shrugged it off. “It’s nice to get away from everyone.”

Worry stabbed through Darklily’s head. Even get away from me?

Onepaw, who sometimes joined his sisters with Darklily and Tornear, asked Deadfoot if he could come sometime.

“No,” Deadfoot sighed. “Ask someone else, I’m sure they’d be happy to.” He was lost in thought, licking his fur as if in ritual.

“What about me?” Darklily asked gently. “We used to go on late night walks, I can come, maybe?”

Hurt flashed in Deadfoot’s eyes, but he shook his head. “I’m sorry.” He walked away, into the dirtplace, tail dragging on the ground. “I’m sorry.”

Darklily slowly sat back on the ground. Tornear looked up into its eyes. “Did you have a fight?”

“No,” Darklily choked, trying to hold back the tears. “We didn’t.”

“He probably hates you,” Darkstripe said. But he wasn’t teasing. He sounded genuine.

Darkstripe’s words made sense to Darklily, only it still felt uncomfortable and it clouded out its mind again.

Morningflower remarked, “He’s been acting odd on patrols as well. He seems quite thirsty.” Ashfoot nodded as Morningflower added gravely, “And it seems he’s trying to walk on his lame foot.”

“I’ll talk to Barkface,” Darklily responded. He didn’t have any other idea, and had no idea what Barkface could do. Ideas were only temporary comfort.

Mudclaw was not much of a fan of Darklily’s new pronouns, he said it was weird and uncomfortable to him. Ryestalk tried to explain, but to no avail. Darklily watched fearfully as she tried to keep her temper back each time Mudclaw said something snarky. “Mudclaw, please have some empathy and understanding. Sometimes cats don’t feel comfortable with their genders, and that’s alright.”

“He’s not an it ,” Mudclaw said.

“Not all the time,” Ryestalk said with gritted teeth.

Darklily blurted out, “It’s okay, really, it is.”

“It’s weird,” Mudclaw said. “You’re a he. A tom.”

“Mudclaw,” Ryestalk warned.

“I’m not a kit anymore. You can’t get that mad at me.”

Ryestalk’s claws dug into the ground as Mudclaw pranced away with his tail held high. “I should have mentioned this when he was younger. We haven’t had a cat like you tell us this in a very long time,” she explained. “I should have told him all about it.”

Darklily shivered. “It’s-” he shook out his fur. “You did your best. And as long as you support me, I’ll be happy.”

“You’ll always be my kit,” Ryestalk said. “And I’ll always accept and support you.”

Darklily nuzzled into Ryestalk’s fur. She felt warm and safe, a shelter from all things bad in the world. It loved her so much it was an ache in his heart. It wished to tell her about the issues it was having with Deadfoot, but that would mean telling her that the two were breaking the code together. Tornear was already enough.

“I love you, my little Flower,” Ryestalk whispered. “You’ve been so brave through it all, and I am so proud of you.”

“I love you too, Mother,” it responded, pressing hard against her. “Thank you for everything you have ever done for me.”

“I’m so glad they asked me,” she responded. “You’re a star in my sky.”

Darklily purred, closing his eyes softly and breathing slowly. Ryestalk was swaying back and forth with her kit in her grasp. If nothing else, there was always her. Always Ryestalk.

Slowly and surely, the Clan repaired from the losses, but they never forgot. The warriors were angry. Vengeful.

“Warriors, how silly,” Darklily gently teased.

“No. Not silly,” Barkface objected. Even if he accepted a disagreement for the worst of the attacks, the small ones had put everyone else on edge. One gathering had taken place since then. Brokenstar was announced and a cat Darklily had never met before, Blackfoot, was their deputy. Tensions were high, RiverClan and ThunderClan seemed rather off-put by the raw hostility between the two.

The new ShadowClan apprentices were smaller and squeakier than Onepaw.

“They look like kits ,” Barkface had whispered to Darklily. The ShadowClan medicine cats looked uncomfortable. Runningnose had avoided eye contact and Yellowfang removed herself from the sides of the others.

Routines were set up among each member of the Clan. Even Barkface and Darklily had to take on hunting roles to make up for the heavy patrols and watches on the ShadowClan border. Darklily was not the best hunter, Barkface did much better. It had managed to bring home a mouse only every other time, but Barkface could get a rabbit almost every outing.

“You see, hunting is a crucial skill for any cat to learn. I’m surprised you aren’t any better by now,” Barkface told his apprentice.

Heat flushed Darkliky’s paws. “I’m not sure. I’m just bad. I don’t know.”

Barkface gave a breathy chuckle. “Well, you can catch some things, sometimes. You're alright.”

I'm not good at my claws or teeth. That's why I'm a medicine cat.

Back home, the atmosphere was more friendly than it had been for the last several days. The two kits, almost apprentice aged, were eagerly listening to Onepaw as he explained all he learned from Deadfoot. Stagleap and Hickorynose had gathered soft goose-down for the nests of the warriors in the clearing. Lilywhisker was deep in conversation with Plumclaw about the old tunnels of WindClan. Darklily gulped as Plumclaw recalled the cave-in that killed Sandgorse.

“Who’s Sandgorse again?” Darklily questioned as Barkface dropped his vole on the prey pile - it had nothing for the pile itself.

“Your memory is an odd one, kit. Tallstar’s father,” Plumclaw answered for him before continuing on with Lilywhisker.

Darklily felt embarrassed. Some Clanmate I am. I can't remember anything they tell me.

Barkface could tell her remark had hurt his apprentice. “She didn't mean it, Dark. It's probably been a while since you've been told that story.”

Darklily nodded, still ashamed. “A while, yeah.”

“Well, no matter!” Barkface chirped. “Let's get to making Flylight’s poultice, I'm sure his patrol will come home soon.”

Flylight’s ear was still healing, but Barkface said he can go on one patrol a day just to keep the young warrior stimulated. The medicine cats would apply a concoction of herbs on it daily to help with the healing and any pain.

Barkface entered the medicine den first. Darklily stayed outside for a moment to breathe in the calm chatter of the Clan. For now, things were okay.

Before Darklily could enter the medicine den, Barkface reemerged. He plopped down on his stumpy tail and gazed upwards at Darklily. A gaze the younger cat knew all too well. Barkface was frustrated with him.

“Darklily, I asked you yesterday to restock our yarrow supplies. I asked multiple times.”

Anxious confusion clouded Darklily’s head. “But I-”

“This attention, and this memory problem of yours, it's really getting to be an issue!” Barkface exclaimed. “I mean, now I have to go find some yarrow, or see what other replacements we have available to make the poultice.”

“But Barkface, I swear I brought some yesterday! Honest!”

Darklily had remembered Barkface asked several times as a reminder, and in the end, the yarrow was restocked before sundown, after Flylight’s poultice had been made.

Barkface sighed heavily. “Then where is it?”

“I don't know!” Darklily yelled, beginning to panic, sinking to the ground. “I'm sorry, please let me try again, I'm sorry!”

Barkface’s tone shifted and he crouched down to Darklily’s level. “Hey, hey, it'll be alright. Shhhh. You might have placed it in a neighboring storage hole. I'll go check, okay?”

“I'm a bad medicine cat,” Darklily whimpered in response. He knew he had put the yarrow in the right spot, just that previous day, but what if he was only imagining? Remembering a different time? Lying and actually believing the lie?

“Yup. Bad,” Darkstripe chimed in.

“No,” Barkface said calmly. “You're not bad, we all make mistakes. And if I can't find it then we will have a fun mystery of the missing yarrow adventure. It's going to be alright.”

Darklily sniffed. Breathed a few times, and regained his feet. “Okay. Okay.”

“Good job,” Barkface praised. “You're getting better at calming down, and I'm proud of you.”

Praise wasn’t something the younger medicine cat felt worthy of. I know I put that yarrow in there, but it's gone and it's probably all my fault.

Barkface couldn't find any yarrow in the medicine den, even after checking twice. Darklily chewed together the rest of the poultice, anxious and guilty. “I’m sorry Barkface, I thought I did, I swear I did.”

“It’s alright Dark,” Barkface mewed in a calm and soothing voice. “Just use some horsetail instead, okay? It won’t work as well, but it’ll do the trick for now.”

Darklily nodded and took the horsetail from its hole next to the tansy. At least an accidental swallow of horsetail wouldn’t lead to vomit all over the floor. Although part of medicine cat training was learning how to correctly chew and then wash out the herbs from the mouth after completing a poultice. 

“Mystery of the missing yarrow then,” Barkface joked. Darklily shivered. “Listen, I believe you. We’ll get it worked out just fine.”

“I guess we will.”

Guessing was the only thing it could do now.

Chapter Text

By an odd twist of events, Darklily was yet again inside the ThunderClan camp. Redtail’s kits would come any day from now, and he had requested Darklily come to assist the birth. Darklily knew that Redtail just wanted Darklily close by again, just as they were so many moons ago.

Barkface had let Darklily go, he wasn’t one to say no to family matters. Deadfoot didn’t show much of a reaction to Darklily’s departure, which hurt worse than any amount of hornet stings it could imagine. He doesn’t like me anymore.

Cherrykit was playing with a leaf beside Darklily, Longkit was still a little wary. “Come on over, Longkit,” Cherrykit begged. “Darklily’s so nice!”

Darklily laughed. The kits were 5 moons old, soon to be apprenticed. Cherrykit was more similar to a WindClan apprentice, much like Onepaw. She was stubborn and spunky, with a fierce attitude. Longkit seemed quiet and shy, much like the WindClan kits.

“I knocked some sense into that one,” Darkstripe boasted. “He was my apprentice, you know.”

Darklily grimaced at the thought of Darkstripe being a mentor.

Willowpelt was across the clearing, paying some attention to Darklily, and it was uncomfortable. It seemed most of the Clan had either forgotten or just didn’t care about her treatment of her kit, and a friendly conversation between her and Whitestorm commenced. Runningwind and Redtail were inside the nursery together, Mousefur and Frostfur were weaving together leaves over the warriors den, and the kit’s three parents were reentering camp with fresh-kill.

“My mama’s going to have more kits soon!” Cherrykit told Darklily. “I will be a big sister!”

“What?” Darklily whipped his head around to face the little red kit. “But you aren’t even out of the nursery!”

“Yeah,” Cherrykit replied. “We get to be apprentices early. Very soon!”

Longkit nodded slowly. “I’m scared.”

Darklily’s heart melted, remembering when it was apprenticed. “It’s not so bad, Longkit,” he assured. “You’ll be great.”

“Don’t worry Longkit! You can just be with me the whole time!” Cherrykit offered, and then whispered to Darklily, “He’s too scared of everything and just likes to stay with Mama all the time.”

“Well, that’s alright. He’s still young, after all,” Darklily explained. Robinwing stood over her kit and the WindClan medicine cat, smiling. “Hi, Robinwing.”

“It’s great to see you again Darklily,” she purred as Longkit ran under her belly. “Redtail’s been talking about you being there for the kitting for a while now, it’s so nice it worked out!”

Darklily nodded. “I’m excited. And also, congratulations for your next littler!”

Robinwing beamed with pride. “My last one, we're all very excited.” Cherrykit giggled and scampered away with her fluffy red tail sticking up high. Robinwing smiled. “Longkit, have you said hello to Darklily yet?”

“Pathetic thing, I definitely trained him to be less of a wimp.”

Darklily inwardly rolled its eyes. Longkit squeaked out, “No.”

“Well, he is very nice, and a medicine cat like Spottedleaf,” Robinwing explained to her kit. “There's no need to be shy.”

Longkit stared up at Darklily with big green eyes. Darklily gave him a kind smile, and Longkit looked down and meowed, “Hello.”

Patchpelt came up behind Darklily and cuffed his ear gently. “WindClan? In my territory? Well you better get out of here, trespasser!”

Darklily stood up and nuzzled against Patchpelt’s cheek in greeting. “I've missed you,” it whispered.

“Me too, kit.” Patchpelt’s voice was gruff yet warm, and white fur had started to fleck his black muzzle.

Darklily noticed that Robinwing was getting greyer, and Fuzzypelt too, who was chasing after Cherrykit. The whole Clan has gotten much older.

“I'm getting new kin left and right it seems,” Darklily continued. “Too bad I don't live here to see them anymore to grow up with them.”

“Well,” Robinwing added, “We're happy to see you anytime. And we're happy you're safe.”

Darklily nodded and looked to the sky. Again, it was difficult to see when ThunderClan was under a blanket of leaves. At least in camp there was more evening sunlight streaming through the camp. WindClan would be eating now. Darklily thought of Deadfoot, probably gone missing yet again. He'd mentioned the disappearance to Barkface, who agreed to keep an eye out while Darklily was away. Thinking of Deadfoot made it shake a bit.

Longkit seemed to have found more bravery when Redtail came outside from the nursery. The kit followed after the deputy and asked questions regarding the kits.

But one couldn't ignore how Redtail’s plumy red tail was tucked between his legs, hugged against his body, covering up any sight of a growing belly.

Patchpelt called his brother over and took his kit in his paws, licking the top of his head and purring.

Redtail curled next to Darklily, and rested his tail over his belly again, and he looked only as if his tail was thick and bushy.

Patchpelt frowned. “You don't have to hide it, you're still a tom without or without the ability to be pregnant and have kits.”

Redtail sighed a little before answering, “I know I shouldn't really be anxious, but I can't help but feel like everyone sees me as nothing but a she-cat.”

Darklily tried to lift Redtail’s sprirts. “ I would never see you as a she-cat. I've only known you as a tom and it's just natural to think of you as a tom.”

Patchpelt nudged Darklily and whispered in its ear, “Most cats here are older and can remember when Redtail was a she-cat, many, many moons ago. It's only you and my little ones who grew up with Redtail being only a tom.”

“But why should that matter?” Darklily questioned.

Redtail gulped. “I don't know, frankly. But it's like I can almost touch their disdain.”

Darklily knew that disdain well. Mudclaw, although getting better, was still judgemental, and the elders, although respectful, were confused.

Longkit pulled away from Patchpelt and stood in front of Redtail. “Why are you a tom, Redtail?”

Redtail reached out a paw and placed it on the kit’s head, tussling his short fur. “Because that's what my brain tells me, even if my body says otherwise.”

Longkit's brow furrowed in thought. “So your brain can think different from your body?”

“Yes,” Redtail purred. “You're correct.”

Longkit smiled and looked at Darklily, not as shy as before. “And Darklily isn't a tom either?”

Patchpelt nodded at his kit. “That’s right. Darklily isn't a tom or a she-cat. He's just a cat.”

“Can I be just a cat?” Longkit mewed.

“If that's who you think you are,” Patchpelt responded.

Longkit, having the attention span and disinterest in adult conversations like any other kit his age, went on to start batting at his father's twitching tail. Patchpelt sighed and swished his tail faster, and the tabby kit leapt at it with quiet giggles of delight.

Redtail seemed to relax a little and he turned inward towards his nephew and brother, resting his tail on the ground now.

His belly's not even that big. Poor thing is letting worry take over.

“Darklily, you do that as well.”

Darklily stiffened as Darkstripe sneered. At least I'm trying.

“Not very well,” Darkstripe replied hautily.

Darklily figured the apparition was only trying to get a rise out of him, and paid no further mind to his taunts. I know my limits and I can work harder to make myself better.

Dusk drained into darkness, and Darklily’s belly was screaming from hunger. ThunderClan preferred to have their evening meal when the rest of the Clan was back home in camp, something it didn't remember from its kithood there. WindClan ate way earlier in the evening, and Darklily refused to take anything until the Clan had started eating together, out of respect.

Redtail didn't take anything to eat himself, and Darklily and Spottedleaf exchanged a knowing look. The kits would be coming very soon. 

“Eat with me, eat with me!” Cherrykit begged Darklily. She had a squirrel in her jaws. “I have to share with Longkit because Mama says I can't finish it on my own,” she huffed as Darklily poked through the fresh-kill pile. There wasn't much prey left, it had waited for the majority of ThunderClan to make their selections before taking any. “Those are the yucky ones,” Cherrykit commented about the selection of birds.

Birds were some of Darklily’s preferences, but none of them looked familiar to the ones back home. He settled on a robin and followed Cherrykit to where her family was. “I actually like birds,” Darklily replied to her.

Robinwing, Fuzzypelt, Patchpelt, Brindleface, Frostfur, and the kits were in a group. Close by were Runningwind, Redtail, Mousefur, Spottedleaf, and Willowpelt . Darklily slithered in-between Robinwing and Frostfur, keeping an eye on its birth mother. 

“Where’s Lionheart today?” Brindleface asked Frostfur with a mouthful of vole.

Frostfur responded, “He went to sleep early, he didn’t get a good rest last night.”

“Lionheart's in love with my sister, “ Cherrykit teased. “They say ‘I love you’ all the time!”

Frostfur rolled her eyes playfully. “We are mates, yes,” she added to Darklily.

Darklily nodded and thought of Deadfoot again, trying hard not to make the pitiful whimpering sounds of crying with a hard crunch of bones from the robin.

Robinwing's belly wasn’t very large, and she was only halfway through pregnancy, Darklily suspected that there were no more than three kits in her. Spottedleaf said Redtail couldn't have more than two in him either, leaving ThunderClan with 4 or 5 new kits. A great jumpstart for a Clan gone kitless for moons now.

“Very soon” until the kits came was a correct prediction; Darklily had only just barely finished eating before Spottedleaf approached him. “It's time.”

Darklily shot up and ran towards the medicine den in a hurry. Behind, Robinwing was ordering her kits, “Go with your fathers to the elder’s den, you'll be staying there until Redtail’s kits are born.” She then followed up beside Darklily. “Raspberry leaves and sticks, correct?”

“Yes,” Darklily gasped, reaching the medicine den. Raspberry leaves had been freshly replenished earlier that day, and he grabbed one half of the pile as Robinwing grabbed the other. Spottedleaf was waiting for the two outside the nursery.

“Thank you, both of you,” she smiled, urging Robinwing inside. “Redtail wanted her too,” Spottedleaf explained. “Just as extra support and experience. In case Runningwind gets too worked up and we need to kick him out.”

Darklily took in a deep breath with Spottedleaf. “Alright. Let’s deliver some kits.”

Inside the nursery, Redtail was already in his nest. Although laboring, he was sitting up and looked not to be in any serious pain. Yet. “I knew it was time when I just felt weird and quivery, and my belly clenched,” he explained to the younger medicine cat.

“Sounds like labor,” Darklily replied. Although it would never have that experience, working with the birthing queens back home had taught it some general signs. Low appetite, hot flashes, pacing, nest digging, shaking, and muscle cramps were some of the common signs of labor.

Runningwind looked damp, as if he'd fallen into a river recently, and his eyes were wild. “It’ll be okay this time, right?”

“Of course it will,” Spottedleaf answered.

“Try and remain calm and collected to minimize the stress levels in here,” Darklily added. Robinwing, next to Redtail, was teaching some breathing exercises and pain management to him. He listened and followed along, teeth gritted.

“So are we just playing a waiting game for now?” Darklily asked Spottedleaf. “I'm not sure he's far enough along to actually start the delivery.”

“Pretty much.” She headed over beside her brother and licked his forehead. “So actually, until anything major happens, can you get some water?”

Darklily didn’t think it was a bad idea, but he wanted to stay for Redtail’s sake. But Redtail smiled and nudged his ears to the entrance. “Go on. I’ll be alright for a little while.”

Guilty but defeated, Darklily left. With his head towards the nursery, he didn’t see the cat in front and smashed right into their chest.

“Oh my! I'm so sorry!” It started to apologize before looking up and seeing the familiar icy eyes of Willowpelt.

She didn't look much different than she did the last time it had seen her up close, as a little kit. The biggest difference was she didn't radiate hatred.

“Darklily,” she meowed. “How's Redtail? Everything going okay?” She sounded uncomfortable and nervous.

Darklily stared down at the ground. Darkstripe screamed profanities inside its head. He, too, was angry. “As of right now, Redtail is fine.”

Willowpelt seemed dissatisfied with the short answer. “He's not in pain or-”

“Nope.” Darklily stood up and started speed walking to the camp entrance. “Excuse me, I have to collect water for him.”

“Darklily, wait! I want to talk with you! Please?” Willowpelt begged.

Darkstripe hissed, “Absolutely not! She doesn't deserve any of us, nothing!”

Darklily didn’t want to speak with her either, but curiosity of what she could possibly want to share overrode the fear and bitterness. He turned around and faced Willowpelt, her eyes were like glowing stars in the darkness of night.

If anything bad happens, I can go back to the nursery, and send Robinwingfor water. I'll be safe there.

Willowpelt looked suddenly uncomfortable with her birth kit staring her right in the eyes. “I, well, I wanted to, uh, I want to say that-” she broke off. Darklily sighed.

I shouldn’t expect an apology from-

“I'm sorry.”

Well. Nevermind.

“Pssh. Sure she is. Don't believe any of her deceit, Darklily. She's a horrid cat.”

“I'm sorry for everything I ever did, everything I ever said to you,” Willowpelt continued. “I was young and foolish, I shouldn’t have ever taken out my anger on you. I wish I didn't agree with Tawnyspots' proposition. I had all the opportunity there was to tell him to ask someone else, but I didn't.” She stared at the ground, but Darklily held his eyes on her figure still. “You were just a kit, you didn't ever ask to be here,” she finished. “I'm sorry.”

Darklily’s tail tip twitched. Nervous energy was flooding its muscles and fur. But it dared not show her anything. 

Willowpelt did look remorseful, but Darklily didn’t want to give her the luxury of forgiveness. As much as he wanted to be forgiving to all, Willowpelt was the one exception.

“Okay.” It was the only answer it could muster. Willowpelt looked shocked, as if she expected an entirely different response.

Well she's not getting it.

He yet again turned to leave towards the camp entrancd when Willowpelt trilled out a second time, “Wait!”

It was getting impatient. I have more pressing matters than making you feel better about yourself merely because of an apology.

“I'm happy you're living your best life in WindClan.”

Pssh.

It only nodded and ran outside into the forest. Willowpelt didn’t matter today. Today, it was Redtail’s time. Redtail needed his attention and affection.

She doesn't deserve what I can offer.

There was a bubbling stream close to ThunderClan’scamp, and Darklily soaked several bundles of moss into its cool waters. It relished the cold and woodsy flavor. Water in WindClan was almost never cold, the direct sunlight would keep it cool at best.

Cold water was something Darklily missed.

It didn't take long for the WindClan medicine cat to return, and by then, pian yowls were echoing through the camp. He fled quickly into the nursery, where a completely different Redtail awaited.

“Breathe with me, Redtail,” Robinwing instructed in a warm and soothing voice of a mother. Her breaths were deep and heavy. Redtail’s were unsteady and shaky.

“Darklily,” he choked. “I need you.”

Darklily crouched down on the other side of his head, dropping the soaked moss at Robinwing's feet. “Keep breathing, just like Robinwing. You're going to be alright.”

Runningwind whimpered and Darklily laid a paw on top of his. “Don't fret, stay calm, things will be okay soon.”

Runningwind gulped and nodded but still looked distressed.

Spottedleaf coached Redtail through contractions, encouragements getting louder as each ripple tightened and gripped his haunches before passing. “You're getting close. Keep persevering, you can do it.”

A loud yowl pierced through the nursery. Runningwind jumped and tears fell down his eyes.

This is going to be too much for him, Darklily realized with a jolt as he watched the brown tabby's breathing get faster, and he couldn’t keep still.

“Runningwind, I want you to go find sticks. Thick, strong sticks, the more the better,” Darklily instructed. Runningwind looked hesitant to leave but scampered out regardless.

Redtail watched him go, stretching out a paw as if to catch his fleeing tail. “Don't go,” he gasped out.

Darklily began chewing a wad of raspberry leaves. “He'll be back soon, I promise.”

“It hurts,” Redtail gasped. “Help me, it hurts.”

Robinwing's calm voice answered, “I know it does. It hurts very bad. But you can do it. You're brave and very strong. You can do it.”

Darklily wedged the chewed leaves between Redtail’s gaping jaws. “This will help take some of the bite off the pain- no don't swallow them yet,” he scolded gently. “Just suck on them, the effects will last longer, and your stomach won't hate you for it.”

Another few contractions passed. Darklily checked and he wasn't ready to start pushing yet. Spottedleaf soaked his head with damp moss. Runningwind came tearing in with a bundle of sticks, some of which would be barely useful, but it showed his dedication; how much he hated seeing his mate in distress. 

Spottedleaf was telling stories for comfort, Runningwind was licking his head and holding him close, Robinwing kept coaching breathing and strength preservation.

With Spottedleaf closer to the front, Darklily felt a spark of fear knowing that it would be taking more charge with this delivery. It would be his first time, Barkface was the main help back home, he'd take the back end as Darklily would help up front.

It was another while before the time to push came. Darklily said he was ready before he even was, but advised, “Start pushing when you feel ready.” In hopes Redtail could feel more control over all that was happening.

Barkface’s words echoed in Darklily’s mind, “They'll often know it's time unconsciously, so we really don't need to tell them when to start.”

And it was true, by the time Redtail was physically ready, he was emotionally ready too.

Spottedleaf joined Darklily as Redtail yowled but pushed hard. “Good job!” Robinwing praised. “You got it, keep going!”

“I'm right here, I'm not leaving,” Runningwind whispered.

Darklily held his breath through the next several pushes. Please StarClan, let those kits live.

Unlike his last birth, Redtail had more strength and pushed consistently despite the growing pain. Things were looking up and encouraging words were being shouted by all four cats.

“You got it!”

“You're doing so good!”

“I'm so proud of you!”

“Keep going, you're doing so good!”

Darklily’s eyes welled as a kit slid out. “Kit! Kit born!” It cut the kit free and licked their chest. A loud, mighty mew echoed.

Runningwind screamed in delight. Redtail seemed dazed but looked pleased. Unlike Redtail’s first litter with underdeveloped, furless kits, this little one was large and covered in pale ginger, faintly striped fur.

“A she-kit!” Spottedleaf informed. She dropped her off at Redtail’s belly. “I think we have one more coming, you're almost there, keep going!”

Redtail’s brow furrowed and the stick snapped between his clenched teeth, but the second kit came out just then. And it was all over.

“Tom!” Darklily confirmed. Redtail gasped, looking exhausted but mighty proud. The tomkit was breathing, but quieter than his sister. His mewling was soft. He too had pale, faintly striped fur.

“Oh,” Runningwind exhaled. He was crying, the biggest smile on his face. “Oh Redtail, look at them.”

Redtail craned his neck, and Robinwing pushed his daughter closer. “They’re here. My kits.”

Spottedleaf took the tom and placed him next to his sister. “Healthy and strong. Good job.”

Darklily wiped at its teary eyes. Births were always emotional events, and after these two had been born completely fine, he was reassured from Adderkit's death many moons ago. I'm not a kit killer.

The she-kit was brighter than her brother, and larger too. The tom wasn't as loud but still had a promising fire to him. They had both had stopped fussing over their work of existing outside of Redtail’s belly, and were greedily suckling. Another wave of relief washed over the dark tabby medicine cat, Redtail had milk for his kits this round too.

Runningwind was still crying, a fit of purring and tears, he couldn’t stop smiling. Redtail was taking huge, heaving breaths. His eyes were wild but he had an unmistakable smile of pure joy. “We have kits.”

Spottedleaf nodded. “You do. Good job.”

Robinwing was still at Redtail’s side, making sure he had water and in general making sure he wasn't too weakened from the ordeal. This care was typically performed by the cats’ mother, but Swiftbreeze wasn't there to take care of her postnatal kit.

Redtail collapsed his head against the red chest and neck of Robinwing, and she licked him gently. “You did wonderfully, Red.”

Robinwing and Redtail’s kits would be growing up side by side, and Darklily hoped they would all be good friends and play nicely together.

He peeked outside of the nursery and saw a crowd of ThunderClan huddled at the entrance. 

“Well?” Rosetail questioned from beyond Darklily’s eye view, “Is everything okay?”

Spottedleaf called out, “A she-kit and a tom. Alive. Healthy.”

The crowd erupted into cheering and praise, and Redtail’s ears folded back. “Thank you,” he called out to the Clan, voice strained. “I'm very proud of them.”

Darklily, both overwhelmed with the noise and wanting to leave Redtail and Runningwind alone to bond with their kits, left for its temporary nest in the medicine den. There, it could think and cry all it wanted.

The new kits were a blessing and a miracle to ThunderClan, and Redtail was so happy, but Darklily kept thinking of Deadfoot. It seemed everything had changed after they confessed their feelings. Deadfoot became distant, and caught up in routine after routine. Always smelling sick and growing skinnier and skinnier. Disappearing often, constant grooming, and walking on the bad foot.

Maybe his mind is sick.

Cats sometimes had minds that were sick, and the medicine cats didn't always know what to do about it. Some cats were always scared or always sad, but at least the medicine cats found those issues easier, for the most part.

Deadfoot did look sad a lot now, Darklily realized. Maybe that was the problem.

Well, we'll have to take good care of him when I get home. Me and Barkface will make it okay again.

Darklily fell asleep soon after, he was exhausted from being up all day and late that night for the kits.

Dreams that evening were of Darkstripe, but they weren't frightening. More sad, but calm. 

Dreams of just Darkstripe’s daily life as a young warrior intrigued Darklily. Darkstripe seemed so lonely. Wretched as he later became, it was hard not to feel sorry for the younger version of him. Alone, sad, wishing for death than to live another day of scrutiny from everyone.

“They cared about you,” Darkstripe said conversationally when Darklily awoke later, before the break of dawn. “No one gave a shit about me in my lifetime. Whenever that was. If it ever even happened now.”

Not even Redtail or Spottedleaf?

“Not even them. Swiftbreeze was the one cat, but she died, so then I had no one. Until Tigerclaw saved me.”

But he hurt you. 

“But he loved me too.”

Darklily’s heart hurt. Darkstripe, I'm not sure if that's the case.

“He did love me! As long as I pleased him, he loved me! Even if I got hurt, even if he punished me!”

Loving someone is sticking through with them, even if you're upset with them. And you don't punish your mates.

“You don't know him, herb dancer. You don't have any clue what he was actually like.” His tone was angry then. He sounded more like he was desperately reasoning.

Darkstripe’s own life was interesting; the more Darklily heard, the sicker it felt. His Redtail and Spottedleaf didn't care.

So why did mine?

When the sun was peaking through the leaves, the WindClan medicine cat took a visit to the nursery again. Inside, it was warm and comfortably crowded. Runningwind and Redtail snoozed, their kits tucked in between the two. The kits had tiny pink mouths and noses, and were breathing quickly like newborn kits often did. “Welcome to life,” Darklily whispered.

Cherrykit woke up and scrambled over to Darklily happily. “You're still here! You have to stay for my apprentice ceremony today before you go home!” She pleaded, a little louder than a whisper. “Please?”

Darklily smiled and tousled her fur. “I'll stay as long as I can.”

That seemed like a good enough answer for her, and she ran back to her nest with her parents and brother. “Mama! Longkit! Papa and Dada! Wake up, wake up!” She yowled.

Runningwind jumped awake and swiveled his head around to stare at her. “Cherrykit, be quiet. Redtail needs his sleep.”

Cherrykit giggled and pranced around her family's nest. Patchpelt seemed defeated and he stretched out before standing up and leaving the nursery with her. “Remember to keep quiet when others are still sleeping,” he scolded his energetic daughter.

Fuzzypelt and Robinwing lifted their heads a little bit.l and watched their mate and kit leave. Longkit sleepily buried his head into Fuzzypelt's long, kinked coat.

Cherrykit and Longkit, although only a moon away from the proper apprentice age, were still small and skinny like kits. A typical apprentice would reach the shoulder of their mentor in height, the kits were only a bit higher than an adult's belly. Longkit could still fit under his mother when he wanted to.

Redtail’s eyes opened up a little. “Darklily, you're here,” he purred. “Look, I have kits.”

Darklily smiled as glee flooded his heart. “You have kits,” it repeated.

“Their names are Sandkit and Quietkit,” Runningwind added. “They'll be the finest additions this Clan has ever had.”

“My Quietkit was born dead,” Darkstripe imputed. “This will be an interesting thing to witness, his life.”

Why is mine alive then?

“Maybe you have a magic touch.”

Darkstripe was actually being nice for once. It was baffling, of course, but Darklily didn’t say anything about it. He'll immediately go back to his normal taunts. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Darklily cozied up near the new family. Runningwind was whispering to the kits about their older siblings, “They kept you safe from their home in the stars,” he cooed. “Me and your father love all four of you so much, sweets.”

“And we always will,” Redtail continued. “Always.”

Always.

Just before sunhigh, Darklily watched the two kits prepare for their apprenticeship. Cherrykit could barely contain her excitement, Longkit was clinging onto his mother and staring at highrock with nervous eyes.

Bluestar mewed next to the WindClan cat, “It's been a pleasure to have you, thank you for helping my deputy and pleasing the kits.” Her voice was level headed, the sound of a wise and experienced cat, just like Tallstar.

Darklily nodded politely. “I am here to help when someone needs me.”

Bluestar smiled and leaped up upon her rock. Her voice bellowed loud and clear throughout camp. “Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey, join here beneath highrock for a Clan meeting!”

While the Clan began filing below the rock, Spottedleaf, besides Darklily, asked, “You're going home after this, right? Do you need an escort?”

“No,” it replied. “I can handle it just fine. And ThunderClan has done its fair share of escorting me from place to place,” it added with a bit of a laugh.

Some of ThunderClan were out on patrol or hunting, but the vast majority of them gathered in their numbers, their eyes on the new apprentices. Even Redtail came out of the nursery, even though he was slow and still bleeding some, he stayed by the entrance and tiredly smiled at the kits. Cherrykit beamed, Longkit rubbed his face but tore from Robinwing. She nuzzled both her kits and leaned back against Patchpelt. Fuzzypelt snuggled on her other side.

“Cherrykit!” Bluestar began, and Cherrykit's eyes sparkled with anticipation. “You are ready to become an apprentice. From this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Cherry paw . Your mentor will be Mousefur.”

Mousefur didn't look surprised, she was told she'd have an apprentice beforehand. Cherrypaw bounded over to her and collided with Mousefur's nose. “Oops,” she whispered as Mousefur winced. She carefully touched her mentor’s nose afterwards.

“Mousefur, you are resourceful, intelligent, and a creative problem solver. I expect you to pass on these qualities to Cherrypaw.”

“Cherrypaw! Cherrypaw! Cherrypaw!” The Clan cheered, smiling faces and happy bounding all around.

It's sweet how excited they are for new apprentices after seasons without them. Young ones are the highlight of the Clan, after all.

“Longkit!”

Longkit nervously looked towards his leader. Even though he wasn't quite ready for it.

“Longkit, you are ready to become an apprentice.” Longkit's mouth pursed as if to say, ‘Not really.’ “From this day forward, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Long paw . Your mentor will be Goldenflower.”

Goldenflower approached her apprentice and gently touched his nose. He smiled a little.

“Goldenflower, you are patient, calm, and agile. I expect you to pass on all of these qualities onto Longpaw,” Bluestar continued with pride.

Darklily scanned the crowd as they chanted, “Longpaw, Longpaw, Longpaw!” He couldn’t see Tigerclaw or Willowpelt, and assumed they were out. Bluestar leaped off her rock and congratulated the new apprentices and their parents. Cherrypaw was already begging Mousefur to take her outside camp. Longpaw curled his long tail around his body and watched Goldenflower with cautious curiosity.

Redtail had limped over to where the two medicine cats were. “Darklily,” he inhaled sharply, “I hear you're leaving now.”

“Yes,” Darklily responded. “I'm happy I was able to make it to help you kit.”

Redtail purred. “It was all I ever hoped for. Have a safe trip home. Love you.”

Spottedleaf added, “Be safe! We love you!”

“Love you all too,” Darklily called over its shoulder, heading out of camp. Cherrypaw butted ahead just as it was reaching the exit.

“Awwh, I like you, you're fun,” she grumped. “And I won't get to see you again until forever from now.”

“Well, it'll make gatherings all the more exciting,” Mousefur said before Darklily could, shoving her apprentice out of the way. “Now stay close to me out here.”

Cherrypaw bounded ahead, too excited for her new adventure to be saddened further by the departure of her new friend. Goldenflower and Longpaw followed closely behind. Longpaw looked more eager after seeing the wide, open forest of ThunderClan’s territory and cautiously joined his sister's scampering about.

Darklily gleamed at the apprentices. ThunderClan was finally getting back together, new kits and new apprentices on the way. Willowpelt at least apologized, and the cats there got along with him.

And now, with a new idea of helping out Deadfoot, the future was looking bright as the sun that very morning. Full of warmth and chance.

And everything, everything, will be okay.

Chapter Text

Darkstripe could only remember the teeth in his throat before fading into nothingness. That was it. Second death. Just as the many others of the Dark Forest went.

Just how Tigerstar had gone.

That wretched kittypet.

But at least now, Darkstripe wouldn't have to miss anyone. He would feel only the sweet release of nothing.

But there was no “nothing.”

He felt warm and saw there was pure light from his closed eyes. The endless bleeding and never-to-heal wounds were closed. No pain, no blood.

He opened his eyes.

And in front of him, an orange cat. Almost un-cat-like, from the way it flowed and carried itself.

“Who are you?” Darkstripe spat at the cat. “Why am I here? I’m supposed to be gone. ”

The cat blinked its huge white eyes. “There is a phenomenon among twolegs, Darkstripe, nature versus nurture, they say.” The deep, gravely voice revealed one of a tom.

Darkstripe didn't want to have any of it. “So what? The hell does this have to do with me? Just let me go already!”

The tom continued, “I am Thunderstar, the founder of ThunderClan. And I have a proposition for you.”

Darkstripe scoffed. Yada yada, stupid twolegs and stupid kittypets, just leave me already.

“Many wonder whether our birth or our upbringing is the final telling of our outcome, and truth be told, it is some of both. And I, as founder of ThunderClan, am giving you a chance to learn a lesson.”

Darkstripe’s ears perked. “Excuse me?”

Thunderstar stared forward. “This idea, I believe in some way, you could have had a better life. I’ve done so before, what I’m about to do to you, with other cats too.”

Darkstripe felt angry and confused. “Can you just get on with it? Make sense?”

Thunderstar had a great load of patience, seemingly so for dealing with violent and brash cats such as Darkstripe himself. “I think I can teach you a lesson. Give you another chance. I’ve messed with the time a little, and soon you’ll be with your old self as one. Well, as two.”

“What?”

“You’ll learn from this new you, and hopefully it all works for the best. This is purely experimental.”

Darkstripe didn’t understand at all. “If you’ve already created a new me, what’s the point of me-me being here?”

“To learn and grow from the new you,” Thunderstar repeated as if it was something easy to understand. “I trust that everything I planned will go just as smooth as I hope.”

Darkstripe felt himself dissolving into nothingness again. To a different world. “Wait! I don’t understand!”

“You will, in due time,” Thunderstar repeated.

Darkstripe felt his memory of the event fading, as his spirit left and his eyes became cloudy. Before it was all black once again, he couldn’t even remember the orange cat’s name.

He could barely even remember the time after his first death, for that matter.

Dormant, he stayed in a younger cat’s mind. No voice, only thoughts and trickery. He didn’t want to be there.

Until his eyes had finally opened once more, and saw again the strongest memory he had left.

Deathberries.

And the rest of his life came flooding into his memory.

I am back.

Chapter Text

     WindClan

Clan Council:

Leader:

Tallstar- black and white tom with a long tail

Deputy-

Wrenflight- brown she-cat

Medicine cats:

Barkface- small dark brown tom with a short tail

Darklily- dark tabby tom with tawny accents

Warriors:

Hareflight- pale brown tom

Dawnstripe- yellow tabby she-cat 

Larksplash- cream she-cat with darker brown spots

Woollytail- dark grey tom

Aspenfall- grey and white tom

Hickorynose- black tom

Meadowslip- grey she-cat 

Doespring- pale cream tabby she-cat 

Ryestalk- grey tabby she-cat 

Stagleap- dark brown tom

Flylight- white tom with black tips

Ashfoot- grey colorpoint she-cat

Morningflower- calico she-cat

Deadfoot- black tom with a twisted paw

     Apprentice-Onepaw

Mudclaw- dark brown tabby

Tornear- grey tabby with ripped ears

Apprentices:

Onepaw- golden brown tom with a significant long, curly whisker

Queens:

Plumclaw- dark grey she-cat

Kits:

Whitekit- white she-kit (daughter of Aspenfall and Plumclaw)

Runningkit- grey tabby she-kit (daughter of Aspenfall and Plumclaw)

Elders:

Whiteberry- white tom

Cloudrunner- grey and white tom

Lilywhisker- light brown she-cat with paralyzed back legs

Appledawn- pale cream tabby she-cat

     ThunderClan

Clan Council:

Leader:

Bluestar- blue-grey she-cat

Deputy:

Redtail- small red and black tortoiseshell tom with a plumy red tail

Medicine cat

Spottedleaf-dappled golden tortoiseshell she-cat

Warriors:

Speckletail- golden speckled tabby she-cat

Fuzzypelt- long-furred black tom

Patchpelt- black and white tom

Lionheart- golden tom with a mane of fur around his neck

Goldenflower- golden tabby she-cat

     Apprentice-Longpaw

Tigerclaw- large, dark brown tabby tom

Whitestorm- large white tom

Brindleface- grey speckled tabby she-cat

Frostfur- white she-cat

Mousefur- dusky brown she-cat

     Apprentice-Cherrypaw

Runningwind- brown tabby tom

Apprentices:

Longpaw- pale brown tabby tom

Cherrypaw- red and white she-cat

Queens:

Robinwing- brown she-cat with red patches

Willowpelt- pale grey she-cat

Kits:

Sandkit- pale golden she-kit (daughter of Redtail and Runningwind)

Quietkit- mute, pale brown tomkit (son of Redtail and Runningwind)

Dustkit- dull brown tabby tomkit (son of Robinwing, Fuzzypelt, and Patchpelt)

Ravenkit- black tomkit with small white accents (son of Robinwing, Fuzzypelt, and Patchpelt)

Greykit- long-furred grey tomkit (son of Willowpelt and Whitestorm) (a/n Whitestorm is the placement father, Greykit is half-Clan and his real father is Stonefur (drama ooh))

Elders:

One-eye- white she-cat with a missing eye

Halftail- brown tabby tom with a missing tail

Smallear- grey tom

Dappletail- calico she-cat

Rosetail- grey tabby with a pale red tail

     RiverClan

Clan Council:

Leader:

Crookedstar

Deputy:

Timberfur

Medicine Cat:

Mudfur

Warriors:

Rippleclaw- black-and-silver tabby tom

Apprentice: Mallowpaw (tortoiseshell tabby and white she-cat)

Voleclaw- gray tom

Cedarpelt- mottled brown tabby tom

Frogleap- gray tom

Owlfur- brown-and-white tom

Blackclaw- black tom

Ottersplash- white-and-pale-ginger she-cat

Sedgecreek- brown tabby she-cat

Apprentice: Dawnpaw

Beetlenose- tom with crow-black fur

Reedtail- pale gray tabby tom

Softwing- white she-cat with tabby patches

Skyheart- pale brown tabby she-cat

Whitefang- white tom with brown paws

Leopardfur- unusually spotted golden tabby she-cat

Piketooth- dark brown tabby tom

Petaldust- tortoiseshell she-cat

Lakeshine- mottled gray-and-white she-cat

Oakheart- reddish-brown tom with amber eyes

Loudbelly- dark brown tom

Graypool- dark gray she-cat with yellow eyes

Stonefur- pale blue-grey tom

Mistyfoot- pale grey she-cat

Apprentices:

Mallowpaw- calico she-cat

Dawnpaw- ginger and white she-cat

Queens:

Sunfish- pale gray she-cat

Kits:

Whitekit- black tom with white paws (son of Sunfish and Beetlenose)

Vixenkit- black she-kit (daughter of Sunfish and Beetlenose)

Grasskit- brown ticked tabby she-kit (daughter of Sunfish and Beetlenose)

Silverkit- silver tabby she-kit (daughter of Willowbreeze and Crookedstar)

Elders:

Fallowtail- brown tabby she-cat

Birdsong- brown tabby and white she-cat

     ShadowClan

Clan Council

Leader:

Brokenstar

Deputy:

Blackfoot

Apprentice: Dawnpaw

Medicine cats:

Yellowfang- long-furred grey she-cat with a flat muzzle

Runningnose- sickly grey and white tom

Warriors:

Brackenfoot- golden tom with darker legs

Featherstorm- brown tabby she-cat

Rowanberry- cream and brown she-cat

Nutwhisker- brown tom

Hollyflower- dark grey and white she-cat

Newtspeck- calico she-cat

Frogtail- dark grey tom

Ashheart- grey she-cat

Deerfoot- yellow she-cat

Tangleburr- grey tabby she-cat

Flintfang- dark grey tom

Apprentice: Badgerpaw

Russetfur- dark ginger tabby she-cat

Boulder- grey tabby tom

Clawface- brown tom

Scorchwind- ginger tabby tom

Stumpytail- brown tom

Queens

Brightflower- orange and white she-cat with a flat muzzle

Apprentices

Dawnpaw- golden brown she-cat

Badgerpaw- black and white tom

Elders

Nightpelt- black tom, retired early due to breathing problems

Ashfur- grey tom

Finchflight- black and white tom

Blizzardwing- mottled white tom