Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sometimes Emily wonders how she might be doing. Would they still be together? She still thinks about her & lord knows she shouldn't. She's her ex girlfriend for crying out loud. It just wasn't meant to be. Emily misses her along with their years long friendship before everything went sour. Perhaps one day when she's better and up to having contact with her again they could press the refresh button and start again. Best friends like before.

Emily's POV:

I am in a new relationship with a woman I adore completely. I admit I never saw myself being with anyone other than Alison. She was my everything. Alison & I, we fought all the time. We challenged each other, drove each other crazy! Being with her was what I believe to be the closest thing to heaven and hell at the same time. We loved each other like we were each other's oxygen. We couldn't breathe without each other. I guess looking back on it we were somewhat toxic together. I never thought about us like that before. Maybe what they say about love is true. Love is blind. I must of had rose coloured glasses on throughout the entirety of our relationship. My guess is she probably did too but man alive I moved heaven and earth for her. She did the same for me but that's all in the past now. My current girlfriend is amazing. Honestly I don't know how she puts up with a basket case like me? I was a complete wreck when our paths crossed again.

I was such a mess during mine and Alison's rough patch but she was there for me. Mona was there for me. I don't even remember what happened but I'm pretty sure tequila was involved. My worst enemy, her's too if I remember correctly. At the time she was having troubles with Mike. We didn't mean for anything to happen it just did. Ali & I had recently decided to take a break and Mike broke up with Mona. It wasn't strictly cheating but the haze of alcohol probably masked our abilities to think straight.

NO POV:

When things went south with Ali & her friends Spence, Aria & Hanna were no longer in Rosewood Mona was there every night letting Emily crash on her couch. Feeding her decent meals instead of letting her drown her feelings in copious amounts of pizza and ice cream like she wanted. She guessed all that cancels out when you add it to the numerous shots of tequila they shared.

I remember her making me laugh. I laughed a lot! Mona Vanderwaal of all people getting me to laugh not mention fall in love again. It's so strange to think about. It's crazy. I Emily Fields fell for Mona Vanderwaal.

Emily's mouth curls upward. Just thinking of Mona makes her smile but as the memory of Alison once again invades her her heart to feel 10 times heavier making it harder to breathe like she's been swallowed by a black hole. Alison. She remembers how she used to kiss her. The softness of her skin, the slight fruity taste of her lips and those eyes.

Damn those blue eyes. Every time she touched her it sent shivers up her spine but fuck those blue eyes had the power to make you want to spill your most deepest & darkest of secrets. Luckily Emily didn't have any secrets damaging enough to instill such fear. The type of fear that hits when you can sense someone watching or following you as you're walking home in the dark of night. The type of fear that makes the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up.

Thankfully Alison hadn't used that power since high school when she terrorized their classmates. Those eyes were the very thing that drew her to the blonde. The way Alison would gaze in her direction made her weak at the knees.

Once again her mind had circled back to the blonde. She shouldn't be giving herself permission for this. She's dating someone else now & Alison is miles away. Emily has tried so hard to move on from her but it remains a challenge. It's like she has no say, no control over her own thoughts. She hopes that one day things will be better. Alison deserved a full, happy life like everyone else. It had taken Emily quite some time to get her life back on track after Alison but somehow she had managed it.

"Babe, your dinner's going to get cold if you don't get in here."

Emily was in the living room chilling out after a hard day's work when her girlfriend peered into the room wearing an apron and a spatula in her hand.

"Yeah I'm coming," she called back rising to her feet.

"Honestly Em. Sometimes I wonder where your head goes. It's like you're away with the pixies or something." Mona laughed tossing her hair back behind her ear retreating into the kitchen. Emily gave a grim smile. A part of her felt extremely guilty for thinking of the blonde so often but it seemed she couldn't stop.

"Yeah sorry about that just work stress." She lied "What's on the menu?" upon sitting down a familiar aroma filled her nose- a french dish she couldn't pronounce without getting tongue tied. Emily's smile disappeared. It was a dish she'd had many times before - with Alison. The other woman busied herself serving each of them a plate full.

"Mmm smells great," Trying hard to sound enthused even though the aroma and the vision of Alison cooking it for her in this very kitchen made her head feel whoozy.

Mona chuckled "Do I need to remind you of the time you almost burnt the house down?"

"It was just toast." Emily corrected shrugging her shoulders

The shorter brunette smirked "Exactly babe. How does one screw up cheese on toast?"

Emily shifted uncomfortably Rubbing her exposed arms as goosebumps appeared on her skin.

"Are you alright babe?"

"Yeah, it's nothing Mona. Just..." she paused, scratching the plate with her fork.

"Just what?" Mona asked sweetly. "You can share anything with me Em. You know that," sipping her wine.

Emily swallowed, ignoring the lump in her throat "Ali used to make this for me." She paused studying Mona's expression.

"Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have made it if I'd have known. I can make you something else if you like?" Jumping up from her chair Emily caught her wrist.

"It's ok it doesn't matter. I don't mean to bring you down but I've been thinking about her a lot lately." she confessed. Emily expected Mona to look a little more surprised but instead she took her hand giving it a light squeeze.

"It's fine. Actually I'm kind of glad you brought it up. I've wanted to talk to you about this for a while but I've been wracking my brain as to how I should approach this with you."

"Approach what?"

Mona cleared her throat "Well, the Rosewood Wellness Centre called earlier this week. Alison's family have allowed her to have visitors now. Jason also called today while you were at work. He thought you'd want to know. Actually when he called here he was confused when I picked up the phone. He told me he didn't know you were seeing anyone."

Emily hung her head "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell them but they were in such a state after Ali was admitted that it never felt like the right thing to do, rubbing my happiness with you in their faces."

"It's fine. Honestly I probably would have avoided the whole 'I've got a new girlfriend talk' with my ex girlfriend's family too if I were in your position."

Emily took a bite of her food "What did they say exactly? The doctors at the centre?"

"They said she's doing better. She's really improved a lot. She's still got a few more therapy sessions with Doctor Sullivan. She's very good. She helped me so much when I wasn't doing so well." she informed recalling the phone conversation from earlier.

"Are they having her released?"

"I didn't ask. Maybe you should call Jason. I'm sure he'd be happy to tell you."

The rest of their meal passed by smoothly with random small talk. Later that night Emily's mind was elsewhere- again with Alison. She was now well enough to start seeing visitors outside her family. Which meant she was on the home stretch to return to her life in Rosewood. Turning down the covers of their bed she climbed in next to Mona whom was currently engrossed in her favourite book.

"You know how much I care about you dont you?" Emily asked bluntly

Mona sighed in defeat placing her book on her lap realising her goal of finishing her book tonight wasn't going to happen. "Must we keep rehashing this Em?...is this about Ali?"

Emily nods hesitantly

"Hearing she's about to be released has really shaken you up hasn't it? I should not have told you. I knew it would weird you out."

Emily shakes her head "No not at all. Ok well maybe a bit but it doesn't change the way I feel being with you. I just need you to understand that." Mona hugged Em tightly fighting her tears. "I'm not niave Em, I knew this day would come-"

"What day? What are you talking about?"

Mona finally released the brunette "You still love her don't you? I think I knew that even before we moved in together. Honestly I get it. She was your first love & nobody forgets their first love-even if they wanted to. To tell you the truth if Mike expressed wanting me back I'd do it in a heartbeat. Alison was your epic love. I know I can't compete with that".

"Don't do that Mona." Emily spat crossly

"Do what? Be honest?" Her voice gaining volume, her bottled frustrations bubbling to the surface. She had never really gotten over how insecure Alison or the memory of being tortured by her made her feel.

"Don't put yourself down like that. You came into my life when I really needed someone to talk to. When Hanna, Spencer and Aria all moved away from Rosewood I had nobody. No one but you was there for me." She said in low whisper connecting their foreheads. "None of what I feel for you is going to change just because I want to see her. I swear."

Mona's face cracked a smile, though behind her glasses her eyes were misty.

"You should go back to her. She'll need you when she gets out of there. I'm betting you're the reason she even admitted herself to that wellness centre in the first place. Now let's get some sleep. You'll need a good nights rest if you are to drive all that way" Mona suggested snuggling down on her side of the bed making herself a cacoon out of Emily's warm embrace.

The taller brunette gently squeezed Mona kissing her shoulder blade in an effort to silently thank & reassure her of her feelings. Closing her eyes she drifted off leaving Mona to lay there awake.

"I wish I didn't have to lose you." Mona whispered to her girlfriends sleeping form. Ultimately Mona knew the second she and Emily became official that she shouldn't get so attached as it was inevitable that Emily would return to Alison again one day. She had just hoped it wouldn't have come so soon.

Chapter Text

"Miss Dilaurentis?" the woman from reception desk called over the top of her computer. Alison was in the reception area at Rosewood Wellness Centre twiddling her thumbs awaiting Dr Sullivan.

"Yes?"

"Please if you would just follow me." The young woman spoke "Dr Sullivan sends her apologies. She has been a little delayed getting back from lunch. She's informed me she won't be too long away. Are you happy to wait? Or would you like to reschedule?". She explained.

"No it's fine I'll wait. Thank you."

Rounding the desk Alison followed down a short hallway, doors scattered either side with various doctors names etched on them.

"Please make yourself comfortable. She'll be with you shortly." She gestured moving aside allowing Alison entry. Closing the door she retreated back down the hallway.

Stepping over the threshold to the dimly lit room she gathered herself. For the briefest of moments she wondered if she had she done the right thing in coming here. Upon sitting down the stiff leather couch crunched under the weight of her bottom. It was cold and uninviting. Her pleated skirt almost fighting with the leather to stay seated instead of sliding off. How was one supposed to sit and discuss their inner thoughts if they were continuously adjusting themselves?

She would of much preferred to discuss her inner musings with Emily but it seemed the brunette had reached her limit of her constant belly aching. Her spine pinched uncomfortably at the eerie silence of Dr Sullivan's office. Alison took a breath in. Short and uneven in its execution she was beginning to sense another of her recently brought on panic attacks. Panic attacks she had become accustomed to ever since the incident. The incident that had landed her and her relationship with partner Emily in hot water, not with the law - yet, but with each other.

Stealing a hard toffee from the small dish nestled on the coffee table she allowed herself to breathe. Consciously. Again she took a breath, holding it for a few seconds and releasing it a few seconds later. A technique she had learned from her many searches over the internet 'Ways of relieving & dealing with stress'. Peeling off the wrapper she tossed the candy into her mouth. It's sickly sweetness mirroring the way her insides felt coming here in the first place. Her thoughts were interrupted at the jostle of the door handle.

"Alison, I do apologize for my lateness." The woman greeted shuffling into the room shedding herself of winter layers; overcoat, tartan scarf and gloves. September had kicked off the start of Fall. "I'm Dr Sullivan," she said extending her hand. Alison shook it. "Now tell me, what brings you here?" Settling herself in the armchair across from Alison with a notebook & pen at the ready.

At the question Alison almost cracked her teeth on the toffee in Dr Sullivan's eagerness to jump right into things. Instant tears stinging her eyes at the searing pain in her mouth. Quickly swallowing the shards of toffee she subtly licked the inside of her cheek soothing the flesh.

"Well it's hard to know where to start. My life is out of my control right now. Everything is just unraveling and no matter what I do to knit it back together it unravels even faster. I can't seem to get a grip and pull through it this time."

"This time?" Dr Sullivan questioned, making a few scribbles in her notebook that Alison couldn't see. "You mean to say you have felt like this before?"

Alison pressed her lips together "Um, well I guess I have had my moments. Everyone has days where they don't cope with things, right?"

Again Dr Sullivan scribbled more notes. "So tell me a bit about yourself Alison." She spoke. Crossing her legs comfortably, balancing her notebook skillfully on her knee. "What is it you do for work?"

The blonde rearranged herself on the lounge among the multitude of cushions there. "I'm an English teacher at Rosewood High. I've been working there since I myself graduated."

"Mmm hmm," Dr Sullivan hummed "Do you enjoy working there? I know from personal experience how raising and working with teenagers can be. I myself only have one at home. Working with multiple teens at the one time must be hard?"

Alison nodded "It can be stressful at times but it's what I enjoy doing. English literature has always been a passion of mine. If I could I would work everyday teaching it."

Again Dr Sullivan scribbled. "Why?"

Alison's brow creased "Why what?"

"Why do you wish to work more? Is there reason behind working so much? How's your home life? How's your relationship with family members or friends? Would you say you have a tendency to use work as a way to avoid people getting close to you and yourself to them?"

Alison swallowed "No I wouldn't say that. Maybe in the past I kept people at arms length." She paused "Believe me if you grew up in my family you would understand. My family was never the nurturing type. So i guess. I learned to keep people at a distance from a young age. It wasn't until i met my partner-"

Dr Sullivan referred to her notes "A Miss Emily Fields is that right?"

"Yes that's correct." she smiled

"How is your relationship with her? How would you describe it?"

"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. She's the love of my life."

"I can see she makes you very happy." seeing the smile on the blondes face "How did you two meet?"

"How's that relevant?"

"Just answer the question Alison." Dr Sullivan spoke kindly "I'm just getting a feel for who you are and the possible factors that brought you here to see me today. I need as much background information as possible from you to get a sense of where we can take further sessions if I feel you would benefit from that. I'll also need records of your family's medical history from your GP if we are to refer you to treatment options if necessary."

Treatment? she scoffed. She wasn't crazy. She just needed someone to talk to and have them actually listen. Maybe this whole things was - stupid. Did she really think therapy would fix things?

"So...How did the two of you meet?" She repeated

"We've been friends since we shared a sandbox together. We've grown up together with the same group of friends going through both elementary and high school together to now working at our former high school together."

"You work & live together?" She questioned "That must put quite the strain on your relationship. You mustn't get much time apart from each other then? You must miss your own space at times?"

The blonde ummed and Ahhed silently to herself "It's not easy sometimes but we work it out. We talk to each other. Like any relationship communication is key." She answered finally.

"That's good to here. It's important for couples to communicate with each other. Do you think Emily would consider sitting in on a session herself? I'm not exactly qualified for couples counseling but it might be beneficial to you to have this space to voice your feelings."

Alison wasn't the least bit convinced. "...I don't know."

"Alright. So back to my original question. What brings you here today?"

Alison scrunched her toes inside her shoes at the question.

"Emily & I have been fighting lately-" she began

"Fighting? About what?"

Alison neglected to look to Dr Sullivan "I'd rather not say."

"Alison I can't help you if you keep things from me. This is a safe space. Anything you tell me does not leave this room unless I think in my professional opinion that whatever you reveal poses risk to yourself or others around you." Dr Sullivan informed.

"A few months ago Emily & I were driving home from a friends anniversary party. We had been drinking-not a lot." She said quickly. "And-" she paused having noticed Dr Sullivan's pen make contact with her notebook again. "-If you don't mind I'd like this to remain off the record."

"Alright then." She replied placing both items on the coffee table between them. Alison squirmed in her seat her eyes darting around the room, her mouth dry as a desert. Finally she found her voice again.

"...No I can't do this, I'm sorry to have wasted your time Dr Sullivan." Alison hastily gathered up her own coat and bag disappearing out the door. "Alison wait!" Dr Sullivan called after her but she was gone.

"Is everything alright Dr Sullivan?" The receptionist asked seeing the other woman looking dazed and confused staring out the window to the street after the blonde.

"I'm not sure. Do let me know if Alison calls by again wont you?"

"Of course."

"Em I'm home!" Alison called out moving her way through the house after her run out of Dr Sullivan's office.

"Hey Babe, how was your day? Get much work done?" The tanned woman asked pecking her girlfriend on the cheek. Alison had told her this morning she was going to do some work at the school and not a therapy session with Dr Sullivan as she knew it would just start another one of their fights….

"It's in the past Alison. The damage has been done! IT WAS A FREAK ACCIDENT! We can't change things. Their car come out of bloody nowhere!" she recalled Emily shouting during their argument.

"It was fine. I was just planning my lessons for next week ahead of time. Then had a few coffee's at Lucky Leon's. How was your day?"

Emily moved toward the kitchen fetching them both a cup of tea. "It was alright I guess. I just took Pepe for a walk, paid some bills, chatted to mum on the phone for a while just to catch up & practiced my culinary skills with her chicken pot pie recipe."

Alison's eyes widened. "You didn't. Did you?"

"What?"

"Cook!"

"Hey, I can cook." Emily spat jokingly

the blonde laughed. "Ha! Let me guess, you had your mum on the phone the whole time talking you through it."

Emily sighed knowing she couldnt get anything past her girlfriend "Ok you caught me. I can't cook for shit on my own and I like having dinner ready for you when you come home."

Alison took Emily's hands kissing her knuckles. "And I appreciate it babe. At least you had parental supervision.,"

Both women laughed. Moving into the lounge room they snuggled on the couch. Just being together was something they loved. Just being in each others company & each others arms like always. Emily's soft hands raking through Alison's gold locks massaging her scalp. Alison's hand curled around her whilst the other tickled Emily's legs with her fingers. This was their normal before the accident and as much as they tried to be the same with each other after it just wasnt. A storm had cast itself over Rosewood. It sent Alison's mind back to that fateful night. The wind, the rain, the thunder and lightening.

That same night of the accident a storm not unlike this one right now had been going all night. Driving in it was in retrospect the dumbest idea they'd ever had.

"Em?" she whispered cautiously

"Hmm," Emily murmured half asleep on Alison's chest

"Do- Do you ever worry someone will find out what we did?"

Emily shifted sitting upright "Alison please, not this again. I can't keep having this same fight with you. Its too late! We can't change what happened that night. Its too damn late."

"Em-"

"No Alison. Please just let us move on. Please?" Emily pleaded softly.

"We killed them Emily. How can you be ok with that? We killed a family. A father, A mother and a child. How can this not be tearing you apart?"

Emily stood up, "Of course I'm not alright with it. I kick myself everyday for what we did but we did what we had to do to protect ourselves." Her eyes connected with Alison's. "We didn't have a choice!"

Alison was pacing nervously "We covered up a crime Emily! We're bad people. We did a terrible thing and I can't handle it anymore. We have to go to the police and tell them what really happened."

It was then that Emily grabbed Alison by the elbows staring her straight in the eye, her voice calm but stern.

"Listen to me. We are not terrible people." she said speaking slowly. "We are good people who did a terrible thing. it's completely different to being a cold blooded killer! We aren't criminals Ali. Just please promise me you won't go to the police." she begged

Alison eyes fluttered closed briefly, her blue orbs shimmering with tears "I-I can't promise you that Em. I can't go to the grave with this on my conscience."

Emily released her roughly "Well get good with it Ali. If you don't we're as good as dead. We'll go to prison."

"You don't understand. How could you? You were as drunk as I've ever seen you that night."

Emily snorted "So were you!"

"I barely had two glasses of wine." Alison protested "I saved your ass that night Emily. You owe me. You forgot your damn license so we switched seats. What if that family had been us or our friends? What would you have us do then? Just forget about it and claim it was an accident. If someone had hit our friends you would want them punished wouldn't you?" Alison challenged

Emily's mouth fluttered open and closed "W-Well yes bu-"

"See. You agree with me. If it had been someone we loved in that car and they died we would want justice for them am I right?"

"Yes but this is us we're talking about here. It won't bring that family back Ali and it won't change anything. So please I'm asking again please don't tell anyone." Both women were almost to breaking point. Both angry, both frustrated, both crying. Lie to keep their freedom? Or tell the truth?

"This secret is killing us Emily. How long do you think we can keep this up? We haven't been the same with each other since."

Emily slumped down on the couch letting her pent up emotions escape her "We did what we did because we love each other. Right? It was ruled an accident Ali. Whats done is done."

Alison hugged Emily close leaving no space between them. "It was ruled an accident because we lied Em. You mean the absolute world to me Emily Fields you really do but it really hurts that you're asking me to lie."

"You never had a problem with lying before." Emily bites back pointedly. Alison's jaw clenched tightly.

"I'm not even going to touch that statement." she replied coldly "I'll keep our secret Em but just know I'm only doing it for you. I thought I'd left that life behind me and now you're asking me to do it again." Her voice softened before continuing "It took me years to undo all of my bad habits. Lying was like a drug for me Emily. Once I started I couldn't stop and people got hurt. A lot of people. Myself and you included."

Emily stood silent. "I know what I'm asking of you Ali. I know I don't have the right to ask it but I am anyway. Please just keep this one secret so we can move on with our lives. For me." she said, softly sweeping Alison's hair away from her face. Alison's gaze fell to the floor before meeting with Emily's once more.

"Ok, I'll do it."

Emily let out a breath she hadn't noticed she'd been holding in. "Thankyou."

"If anyone comes knocking about the accident I'll stick to our original story. I was driving. The car came out of nowhere and we hit them." she said mechanically. Like she had rehearsed every word of it.

Emily squeezed the blonde tighter "Thanks Ali." She repeated.

Chapter Text

"Babe it's gonna be fine." The smaller brunette said giving Emily's shoulder a light squeeze.

"I hope so. She hasn't seen me in months Mona. Whose to say she will even want to see me. She's probably been harboring a full on grudge against me for landing her in here with these psycho’s."

Mona scoffed lightly "Number 1: You aren't at all responsible for Alison being here. She did that herself of her own free will and number 2 this isn't a place for psycho's Em you're confusing it with Radley." Mona stated.

"Sorry. I didn't mean-"

Mona smiled softly, "Don't stress hun, it promotes wrinkles." 

Emily rolled her eyes playfully, linking arms, the both of them approached the desk.

"Good morning, how can I help you?" The woman behind the desk greeted monotonously. Emily stood silent chewing her bottom lip.

"We're here to see a patient." Mona stated.

"Name?"

"Alison Dilaurentis." Emily replied. The woman looked down at her computer typing away on the keyboard.

"Very well. These are your visitors badges" she informed, handing the items over after rummaging in a nearby drawer "We also ask that you leave all personal belongings here in reception. It's a policy I'm afraid. There are lockers to your left."

Quickly dumping their bags in one of the available lockers they made their way to Alison's room when Mona stopped short of the door. Emily's hand on the doorknob.

"Go on" Mona coaxed, gently nudging Emily's elbow

"You mean you won't come in with me?" Emily's stomached curdled "I can't go in there without you."

"You can do this. She won't bite. Just talk to her, ask her how she's doing. If all else fails make a joke about how horrible the food must be. At the very least you'll get her to laugh. Break the ice." She winked. Pecking Emily on the cheek she turned on her heels and headed back to reception. "I'll wait for you out front."

Emily nodded before turning the doorknob. Please let this go well. There she sat. The blonde she had once sworn to marry someday. The one she had spent a decent chunk of her life wishing she could have much sooner than she did, if she had gathered up the courage to express her feelings for much earlier on in their friendship. The same woman she had wanted to travel the world with and see everything there was to see. The same blonde she had wanted to come home to every night and make love too for hours on end for no other reason than because she loved her so much. The same woman she had wanted to dance with, laugh with, cry with (of which they did a lot towards the end) have children with. Alison Dilaurentis was or had been that elusive one that everybody searches for. That one true love that everyone dares to dream about. There she was curled up on an armchair with a book nestled between her slender fingers in jeans and a pink sweater.

At the intrusion, the blondes head snapped up from her page in the book. For a moment the room was still. Alison sat motionless for a minute or to. Her eyes steady and unblinking. Emily gave a small wave of her hand. Her insides froze & tingled with warmth simultaneously. Alison looked...well. Emily had somewhat expected Alison to resemble a crazy Mona; unkempt hair, pale complexion, and tired eyes. Instead she looked-radiant almost glowing. Her hair fell in soft golden waves down her back and her cheeks had that rosy quality Emily had always loved. She inwardly cursed at herself for thinking this place would be anything like Radley Sanitarium. This place was completely different to Radley it actually helped people.

"Hi Alison." 

Alison immediately closed the book she had been reading. The slam of the cover seemed to echo off the walls around them. Emily glanced down at the book. "Great Expectations. You've always loved that book."  She recalls many moments when they'd sit together and devour chapter after chapter out loud to each other. Whilst the other would rake their fingers through the others hair.

Alison's mouth curved upward slightly "It helps pass the time I guess. It's more interesting than listening to people drone on and on in group therapy."

Emily made a move to sit in the chair opposite Alison. "Group Therapy?"

"It's supposed to help the healing process. By sharing and expressing our inner demons to others can our minds and bodies begin to heal. " She said mechanically like she had memorized it, like it was some philosophical mantra or similar to the prayer that alcoholics recite after every meeting.

"And does it- does it help you?"

"I guess." Alison's grip on the book tightened slightly.

"So..."

"You look well Em. How's life outside?"

Emily shifts uncomfortably "Fine. I actually um, I met someone." Minutes go by without a single word falling from either woman's lips.

"-I'm happy for you. Might she be the one-this time?" Alison's voice falters, without even taking a second to think Emily's hand flies out for Alison's to comfort her like nothing's changed. Wrong of course. Everything's changed. The brunette's eyes meet Alison's. Both follow their line of sight down to their connected hands. Alison’s hand tingles, wanting so badly to entwine her fingers with Emily's. The brunette smiles running her thumb over the back of Alison's. It's warm and so familiar. She remembers loving the way they used to do this just for the hell of it. Watching tv, eating dinner, walking beside each other on the footpath. Even when making love. As soon as this thought enters Emily's mind the blonde pulls back like she too was transported to the same memories. She clears her throat awkwardly "What's her name?" Alison asks

"Huh?"

"The woman you're seeing. I assume it's a woman."

"Yes i am seeing a woman. She's great," Emily replied purposely avoiding Mona's name.

Alison's insides drop, a knot forms instantly and not in the fun way it does on a roller coaster but when you've received bad news. It's hard to hear Emily has found someone else considering she's still completely in love with her. She came into this place to get better, confront her mistakes and to start fresh - with Emily once she was to be released from care. She was free to leave at any time technically given she wasn't a danger to anyone unlike some of the patients here but she hadn't wanted to. Not until now. Seeing Emily had all those memories and feelings flooding back but Alison had put up a wall. It was too painful to open up to that, being hurt again. Alison shivers as a sudden chill runs down her spine.

"Are you cold? I can close the window if you like?" Emily offers having noticed the open window beside them.

Alison nods gratefully. "Thank you for coming to see me. It means a lot to me."

Emily half smiles, "I'm sorry it took me so long to visit Ali. Things have just been so crazy."

Alison blushes, hearing her nickname roll off the brunette's tongue so effortlessly and tenderly warms her. "Honestly I hadn't expected to see you at all. I'm just glad you came. Jason told me he invited you to do so."

"Yes. He called me and told me you were ready for visitors. At first I wasn't sure I should." She mumbles. Again Emily notices Alison's fingers clutch the novel tighter in her hands like she's holding something back. Alison in this moment wants more than anything to tell Emily she still loves her but knows she can't. She had her chance with Emily before and she blew it. Emily's happier now and that's how things should stay. If you love them set them free. 

"How's the food here?" Emily asks quickly filling the silence. "Is it as terrible as cafeteria food?"

Alison laughs. To Emily's surprise its not at all strained or a half baked laugh. It's a full beautiful laugh. It was beautiful.

"Nothing is as terrible as Rosewood High's cafeteria food Emily." For the first time in months Alison finds herself laughing. Its all because of Emily. She could always be trusted to make someone laugh whether intentional or not. Emily peers at her watch as subtle as possible but Alison catches her.

"Do you have to go?" Alison's shoulders slump

Emily scoots to the end of her chair reaching over again for the blondes hand "I do but I'll come back soon." Their eyes meet again.

"Em?" Alison begins as her fingers crawl over the brunette's once more

"Yeah?" Her own fingers caressing the blondes in response

"I truly am happy for you. whomever this new woman of yours is, I hope she knows just how lucky she is."

Again for a second time Emily's actions were instant. So fast that her mind hadn't the chance to stop her. She found herself leaning over Alison kissing her forehead, hovering there for a moment breathing in her vanilla scent. 

"I'll come back soon." She said again.

Alison exhaled "I'd like that." With a final wave goodbye Emily retreated the way she had come leaving Alison to continue reading. After watching Emily go Alison dumped the book and stood at the window looking out to the front garden. Waiting to see Emily again. A few minutes pass by and she appears again hand in hand with a smaller brunette who is wearing a very nice pantsuit. She must have come from work somewhere to support Emily. Suddenly the two women in the garden share a hug before parting ways. As the shorter of the two disappears the blondes attention falls back to Emily.

"I wish I didn't love you still but I do. I want you back Emily Fields."

"Now Alison, you know that woman was a major factor in admitting yourself in here. Do you think it wise to be romanticizing such things as getting back together?" A voice said behind her. Startled, the blonde turned "Dr Sullivan? Did we have a session today?"

"Yes and it appears you missed it because the past was calling. We've spoken about this Alison. You must look to the future. We haven't come all this way for you to lose focus now."

"You don't understand!" Alison spoke heatedly "I have no future without Emily. She is my future. That's why I'm here. I came here to clear my head and get some distance. I thought I had moved on but seeing her today just had all these memories flooding back."

Dr Sullivan seats herself down on the chair "What memories Alison?"

Alison has managed to keep herself from telling her and Emily's secret. Just barely but she's done it. "Just little things. Like dates she took me on and the day we moved in together and things like that."

"I imagine those memories are painful reminders of your time together. Given your strong feelings towards her."

Alison nodded. "Dr Sullivan, have you ever loved someone so much that you'd do anything for them. And do anything to keep them."

Dr Sullivan's brow creased "I suppose so. I'm not sure I know what you mean."

Alison shook her head "Never mind. I was just curious is all." Inside, Alison's mind was swimming with memories of her time with Emily and how happy they had been before the accident. Had they split to soon? Surely they had tried their hardest to stay together but maybe not?

Dr Sullivan's phone bleeped in her jacket pocket. Checking it she placed it back.

"Sorry to cut this short Alison but I must be getting on to other things. I'll see you soon for another session this week alright?".

"ok." With that Dr Sullivan left Alison alone. Reopening her book she reread the page she had been stuck on since before Emily had arrived.

'I loved her against reason, against promise, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be '.

Maybe just maybe she and Emily could find their way back together. Quickly she tore the phrase from the book tucking it under her beds pillow.

Chapter Text

"So how did your visit with Ali go?" Mona finally asked.

"It was fine. Nothing groundbreaking." the taller brunette replied from her spot on the couch. Her eyes glued to the television.

"Are you ok? You were pretty quiet all the way home?" Mona asks, sitting down next to her.

Emily nods silently, her eyes still glued to the screen. Her mind is a whirlwind of memories; the good, the bad and the ugly. All centred on Alison. 

"You've never been a great liar Em. Even when you were one." placing a hand on her knee.

"I'm fine Mona." Emily answered bitterly, jerking her knee away.

"Em, sweetie. Come on, just talk to me." she pleaded softly. Emily was at times tough to crack, especially when the topic at hand was Alison and Emily’s feelings toward her.

It was clear to Mona that the visit with Alison had stirred unresolved issues. Emily was clearly far from fine.

"Hungry? I could fix us something to eat if you like."

"No thanks. If it's ok with you I might just go take a nap. The drive took a lot out of me." Emily stood up pecking Mona on the cheek before retreating to the bedroom leaving Mona concerned.

Brilliant idea Mona. Make Emily see her ex girlfriend after everything they went through together that brought her here to your apartment in the first place. Yeah brilliant. Mona thought, mentally cursing at herself.

"Ok." she called after her. 

The next few days passed slowly for Alison. Time seemed to be standing still. Her mind was trapped, stuck in the past.

~:~

(FLASHBACK)

It's Saturday morning Emily & Alison are still in bed enjoying a trouble free zone for the weekend. They had somehow managed to get some alone time without their fur baby Pepe getting in the middle. He never liked being alone, especially when they were together. Cece had out of the blue offered to take him for the weekend.

She had been crushing hard on her next door neighbour. Fireman Bobby (Robert) Green & was hoping to score some brownie points with him by bonding with his Dalmatian, Rocky, by way of Pepe.

Not a sound or soul to disturb them. The blonde curled over to the other side of the bed. Being naked amongst the bed sheets feeling deliciously sore. Their skin covered in bruises from passionate love bites, making their morning complete and total bliss. Alison allowed her fingertips to softly trace the curves of the brunettes back and the side of her breast as she lay sleeping.

Her toned muscles are so prominent yet subtle from all that swimming. Inspecting every dimple and freckle she happened to come across with her lips. With every feather light touch the brunette stirred. Emily was all hers and no one else's. Her mermaid, her knight in shining armour, her love, her life. All of her. The blondes gaze swept over the image in front of her. The sheet pooled so erotically between her lovers tanned legs and just below the swell of her hips. Alison delivered kisses to Emily's spine with her mouth and tongue pulling her slowly out of sleep.

'Morning beautiful, you missed the sunrise earlier. It was so perfect from our bedroom window.'

Emily's eyes fluttered open. One eye was greeted by a golden waterfall over her face. The other falling on Alison's nakedness.

'I hope you didn't stand at the window like that,' Emily commented 'You know the neighbours can see you. Plus creepy Craig across the street has a telescope. I'm pretty sure he uses that to see into our bedroom.' Emily adds, her voice still heavy with sleep, half moaning when Alison kisses her mouth. Slow and tender.

'That's what the sheer curtain is for.' Alison replies. 'Besides, he's just jealous because I have the most beautiful woman in the world.' Emily chuckled softly at the compliment 'I want to stay here forever.'

~:~

"Alison? Talk to me, please." Dr Sullivan probed sitting opposite the blonde in the same chair she always occupied when they had their sessions. Alison stared blankly completely lost deep in thought. "Alison?" Dr Sullivan said again.

"Sorry." Alison apologised after being so far away in her mind's eye "Can we skip this session today I'm not feeling up to it."

"Hmm, this wouldn't have anything to do with a certain visitor the other day would it?"

Alison shrugged. 

"I think you want to talk about her but you're not quite sure what to say."

"Where would you start Dr Sullivan? If you knew someone so intimately. If you knew all their secrets, hopes, dreams and worst fears how would you begin to talk about them when they're no longer in your life? Tell me because I've got no clue."

"You still love her- don't you."

"I'm not sure that matters anymore"

"Why do you say that?"

"Too much pain." was all Alison could say, her voice cracking slightly.

"Pain is a necessary part of life, Alison. It helps us appreciate the good things when they come along."

For a moment Alison pondered Dr Sullivan's words.

"Dr Sullivan, do you believe in second chances? True love and all that?"

"We're not talking about what I think Alison. We're talking about you, but yes I do believe in second chances. I think if someone has proven that they deserve it then yes. Now let's talk about the moment you and Emily ended your relationship."

"I don't want to talk about that. I can't-not yet. I'm not sure I ever want to talk about that."

Dr Sullivan sighed in frustration "Alison, if you can't face the issues of your past, you can't move forward. Making all this that we're doing here pointless. I'm not sure if I can help you if you aren't willing to help yourself."

“You're right. You can't help me. Which is why I've decided to leave. I need to go home. The things that I want to say. That I need to say, I need to say to Emily and I'm not going to find her here. So I need to go home to Dr Sullivan. I'm sorry to have wasted your time these past weeks.”

“Well, before you make any rash decisions, what if Emily was here right now in this chair instead of me. What would you say to her if you could? What would you tell her? Don't over think it or analyse it just say the first thing that comes to mind.”

“I thought seeing things that aren't there was a sign of madness?” Alison jokes

“Just humour me ok? If Emily were here. What would you say? What emotions does the vision of her sitting here provoke in you?”

Alison closed her eyes and without much effort envisioned Emily sitting across from her. Beautiful - as usual. Hauntingly so. Staring back at her with those soulful, brown eyes. 

“Now pretend I'm Emily. So keep your eyes closed and tell me what you're thinking. What are you feeling as Emily sits across from you? What is your brain and body telling you about her?”

“She's wearing her favourite ripped jeans and flannel top. I smell Chlorine. I always hated that smell but on Emily it's like I can't get enough of it. 

Alison could hear Dr Sullivan's pen scratching against the paper of her notebook again.

“Now Alison, before we keep going I'm going to ask you to breathe in three deep breaths for me. Can you do that?” Dr Sullivan asked calmly

Alison nodded her head. Her eyes still closed.

“Good. Now take your first breath. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Make sure you feel that breath reach into your chest and feel it with your whole body. Let it relax you. Feel it fill you up and let your mind empty as you slowly exhale. She repeated this twice more allowing herself to become still and peaceful.

“Alison, I want you to tell me more about Emily.”

Alison is silent for a moment before she speaks again.

“Her eyes are puffy and red but she's still beautiful. We've been fighting."

"What have you been fighting with her about?"

Alison doesn't answer. She bites her bottom lip hard, drawing blood.

"Alison, I need you to tell me out loud. What were you fighting about?"

Alison's face scrunches, tears slip from her lashes as her eyes are still closed "I can't. I promised her I wouldn't!" Alison's breathing has become ragged and uneven. Clearly distressed.

“Alison, you are in a safe space. Now tell me, what are you fighting about?”

Alison is sobbing, her eyes still scrunched closed tightly. Dr Sullivan speaks again soft but stern.

"Alison, I'm going to count to three. After three you will open your eyes and become still and calm again. Nod if you understand me."

Alison nods.

"1,2,3"

Alison opens her eyes. "Where am I? What happened to me?"

"Alison, you're in my office."

The blonde's eyes scan the room as if regaining her bearings.

"I need you to walk me through what happened with Emily."

"No. I can't Dr Sullivan. I just can't. I have to go." hastily Alison gets to her feet. Upon returning to her room she grabs her suitcase from under the bed immediately throwing her belongings in it. Tomorrow she would call Jason to come pick her up and take her back to her old house which he had been looking after since she had been in here. She was getting out of here (since she wasn't forced to stay).

~:~

It was Saturday again. Emily's day off. She loved her job but she loved it even more when she didn't have to go in. She could sleep in until 11, go for her morning run, stop for a coffee and a pastry or two (rendering her run totally pointless). Then return home and chill about the house until Mona got home later. Today however much like the rest of the week was not so great. She hadn't been able to function or focus. Alison had consumed her thoughts yet again. Without a second thought she grabbed her keys off the kitchen bench and headed out the door. If you asked her if what she was about to do was a good idea she probably wouldn't have an answer but she had to do it. She had to. Her mind racing, her heart thumping wildly in her chest as adrenaline pumped through her body. Backing out of the driveway she took a breath.

Chapter Text

Alison stood on the sidewalk with her few bags of belongings waiting for Jason. He had agreed to collect her at 11am, glancing at her watch he was over 20 minutes late.

"Come on Jason. Where the hell are you?". Her decision to leave the wellness centre had been a hasty one. She didn't see the point in it anymore. It wasn't helping. it wasn't helping her come to terms with the accident she and Emily had caused resulting in the death of a family. it wasn't helping her forgive herself, it wasn't helping her move on. So she was getting out. Shielding her eyes from the sun she spotted her brother's car approaching.

"Sorry I'm late Al. Traffic was a bitch getting here." he explained, giving her a quick hug. "So how have you been?" taking her bags and throwing them into the back of the car.

"I'm fine. Just ready to go home and get back to life as normal. How's Pepe been?"

"Fine. I can tell he's missed you though. He just sat in your arm chair all the time. Can dogs get depressed?" Alison's mouth curves upwards. Pepe had been a great addition to her life. He was always there to keep her company and make sure she had something to smile about.

"Aww poor thing. He's such a sook."

"So how was it back there? Did it help to talk to Dr Sullivan?" Jason asked, pulling away from the curb. "You never told us exactly why you admitted yourself. Other than breaking up with Emily. I'm worried about you Ali."

Alison's gaze was unblinking, focused on the passing view out the window "I'm ok, really. I needed to get away and have some time to myself to think about things. Splitting up with Emily was difficult and I just felt I shouldn't be by myself so I came here. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Why didn't you just call me or one of your friends at work? We would've been there to help you. You shouldn't have to go through things on your own Ali. I'm your brother. You're supposed to come to me for stuff like this." Alison smiled. Her brother being so supportive even though he didn't know the details of the situation was heartwarming. They hadn't been this close back in the day when they were kids but now it was really comforting to have him there.

"So tell me. What happened between you and Emily? One day you were tripping over yourself full on head over heels in love with her. The next you aren't even speaking to each other and Emily moves out." he paused "Oh and speaking of Emily. It might be hard to hear but- actually never mind."

"What is it? Is she ok?". She still deeply cared for the brunette. "Please, tell me,” she pleaded softly. Jason smiled sympathetically.

"She's fine. I just thought you should know she's dating someone now." Alison slumped down in her seat.

"Oh. Yeah I know. She told me when we talked." Alison replied, biting the side of her cheek. "I'm glad she's happy."

Jason glanced sideways at her "Then how come I don't believe you."

"-Just leave it Jason." Alison sighed. "Ali" he began. Finally after endless driving they had arrived at Alison's house. "Look, I still love Emily. How could I not? She's the perfect woman."

"Then what the hell happened? If she's the perfect woman, how are we having this conversation right now?"

Alison shrugged.

"I don't understand Ali. What went so wrong that you couldn't work it out? How much of a perfect woman can she be if she's not here waiting for you to come home? She must have done something. Did she-Did she hurt you? Which leads me to think she wasn't the perfect woman you made her out to be. " Jason states pointedly as Alison moves about the house like she's getting reacquainted with everything she left behind.

"Enough of the third degree. I can't deal with this right now. No, Emily did not hurt me. At least not physically. Emily means a great deal to me. She always will and I won't have you trash talk her in front of me." She scowled.

"Seriously? The woman leaves you. In a mess I might add, and I'm not allowed to be pissed at her for being the cause of it all? I mean you admitted yourself!".

Alison was losing her temper and fast. "Stop! Yes, Emily and I had issues, but they weren't just her fault. I made mistakes too. We are both to blame for how things ended. Regardless I will not stand here and listen to you disrespect her like this in front of me. You got that?"

"Fine. Just do me a favor and start fresh. Start a new chapter in your life without her." Again Jason consulted his watch. "Look I've got to get going but I'll check in on you later ok?". Alison wanted to argue further in favor of her making an attempt in gaining Emily back somehow but could only swallow her feelings. Was Jason right? Emily had started her new life with a girlfriend. She should do the same. Try to move on. Really try this time. Hugging her brother she said goodbye.

~:~

The car screeched to a halt in a no parking zone but Emily didn't care. She had more important things on her mind. Just one thing. Alison Dilaurentis. Not bothering with reception she headed down the same corridor like the last time she was here to Alison's room gasping for breath. She thought she was fitter than this. Obviously she had let her exercise routine slide a bit. Making a mental note to pick it up again she found Alison's door wide open. "Al-" she began but stopped mid sentence when she spotted a woman in a nurse uniform changing the sheets on Alison's bed.

"Uh excuse me, Where's Alison Dilaurentis?"

The woman snapped to attention at the intrusion "Sorry Miss, she's no longer with us. She checked out earlier this morning."

"How long ago? Did she say where she was going?"

"No, I'm sorry Miss. I'm sure she'll contact you when she's ready." the woman replied, continuing to make the bed. Emily's stomach dropped. Was this a sign? A sign that she shouldn't see the blonde again. A sign that she should stay away. Let go of all that had come before and focus on her new life with Mona which was going pretty well. Not perfect but good enough that it made Emily feel sane at least if nothing else.

"Thanks for nothing." Emily muttered under her breath, turning back the way she came. Walking out the front doors her pocket vibrated startling her a little. She had forgotten she had switched it to silent mode. It was Mona calling. Emily sighed half expecting for a split second for it to be Alison calling which was ridiculous as they hadn't been in contact by phone or other methods of communication for quite some time. If you didn't count that one visit at the centre. Even more so she doubted whether Alison still had the same phone number. Still, a tiny part of her hoped it would be. Minutes had gone by and Emily still hadn't answered Mona's call that was still buzzing in her hand. Mona had arrived home early from work to spend time with her girlfriend but had opened the door to the apartment to find it empty.

"Em I'm home." dumping her bag and jacket down moving through to the bedroom. Emily wasn't anywhere. Perhaps she'd gone to pick up dinner. Friday night was takeout night. Quickly texting Emily she jumped in the shower. Emily had left the centre and was seated on a bench in town square a short distance from home. Her phone beeped. A missed call and a text from Mona she opened it. Where are you? Again she ignored it. Instead dialling another number.

"Come on pick up. Please pick up." She muttered. "Hello."

"Hey, It's me. We need to talk." She said simply.

"I'm free now. Name a time and place. I'll meet you there."

Emily ran her hand along the back of her neck "Town Square. Now." Quickly hanging up before she could change her mind.

Short time later,

"Emily."

"Thanks for coming,"

"So..."

"I went to see her this morning. They told me she'd checked herself out. Is she really ready for that?"

"Look Emily. Your concern for my sister is touching but I have to ask you to leave her alone. She's been through enough. I don't even know what it is but I know it was devastating enough to lose you over it. So I'm asking-no telling you. Don't try to contact her. Just leave her alone. Besides you have a girlfriend and I don't want to see Ali get hurt again."

"That's not my intention Jason. It never was." the brunette protested.

"It may not have been but somehow Alison always gets hurt."

"You have to tell me where she is. Is she back home? We have things to sort out."

Jason shook his head "Do me a favor Emily. Don't contact her. Let her come to you if she wants to. She's still fragile. She wasn't unstable by any means but I'm worried she will be if you keep chasing her down like this." He explained.

"Don't give me that crap Jason! I saw the look on her face when she saw me. I've seen Alison once since she went into that place and she seemed happy to see me. So if I want to see her I damn well will." Standing up she stormed off in the direction of her car.

Hey M, just picking up some Chinese food. Be home soon. - E xx.

Can you pick up my favourite Peking Duck? - M.

After bidding her brother goodbye Alison had taken an extra-long bubble bath in an attempt to de-stress herself. Although her most trusted furry companion, Pepe effectively ended it after jumping into it with her. Tying her robe in place she entered the kitchen perusing the takeout menus.. "What do you think Pep? Pizza, Chinese or Thai?". Pepe barked once, licking the blonde's hand. "Good choice buddy." After ordering delivery she was told the delivery guy's car was on the fritz so she was required to go and pick it up. "Urghh, I just got into my pajamas." she groaned to herself. Quickly changing into something more suitable she left the house, the chilly evening air sweeping across her face. When she arrived the place was packed with diners and people waiting for their takeaway orders but at least the heat from the kitchen had warmed the place up a bit. Squeezing past the crowd of people she managed to find an available seat when her elbow collided with another customer "Oh I'm so-" she began when her voice was suddenly caught in her throat when her eyes met with those of a woman.

"Sorry I should ha-" the woman apologized, stopping mid-sentence when their eyes met "- Alison?"

Alison cleared her throat; a lump had formed "H-Hello Emily." For what seemed eternity the two women stared at each other, not saying a word. Had anyone else in the restaurant bothered to pay attention to them they would have sworn time was standing still. The hustle and bustle of the restaurant continued around them. people grabbing their orders then promptly leaving. Emily had so much to say, so many questions but nothing was coming to mind. Her mouth opening and closing like a fish as her eyes studied the face of the blonde that had been her whole life. Her deep blue eyes sparkled, soft rounded cheeks and the few but adorable freckles on her nose. Alison's head was spinning out of control. Her cheeks grew warm from the brunette's gaze upon her. She hadn't expected to run into Emily so soon if at all.

"Order for Alison Dilaurentis?" the cashier said, holding up a takeaway bag. "Order for Alison Dilaurentis!" the man repeated. Upon hearing her name Alison blinked several times like she had been competing in a staring contest and won.

"Uh, Yes, that's me. Thank You." she replied, moving toward the front counter taking the bag. "I'll see you." She grabbed Emily's hand for only a moment before passing, releasing it on her way to the exit.

"Yeah definitely." Emily swallowed as her voice returned. Emily watched the blonde exit and followed her movements down the street and round the corner. It seemed she had walked here. She hadn't noticed any keys on her. Emily's fight or flight response was in full swing. Stay and wait for her order or go run after the blonde?

Yeah great idea Em and say what? She thought to herself tapping her foot nervously. Biting her lip hard she stayed put. Mona was waiting for her back home.

"Emily Fields," her order was ready.

"Yep right here. thanks. Keep the change." handing him a fifty dollar note she turned to leave.

"Wait!" he called, catching her arm. "Do you know that woman that just left? Alison Dilaurentis?"

Emily nodded "Why?"

"She left her wallet behind. Could you return it to her?" he asked, giving it to her.

Was this the universes' way of telling her she and Alison had to meet again or was that what she was hoping for? Or was it just the forces of the universe setting her up for a fall?

Chapter Text

"Hey, finally. I was about to send out a search party. I've called everyone we know looking for you." Mona said, taking one of the bags of Chinese food from her girlfriends hand.

"Sorry I got held up. I had to take a detour. That's all."

Mona's brow creased "Detour? Why?" Moving to the kitchen Emily unpacked the takeaway boxes while Mona retrieved some plates.

"This is why." She replied placing Alison's wallet on the small island bench.

"Who's wallet?". Mona's gaze shifted from Emily to wallet and back again. "Em, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day; dodging my calls. What's going on?"

"Just open the wallet."

The smaller brunette did as she was told. Her fingers clasped around the cold leather. Instinct told her she wasn't going to like this. Sliding open the zip she peeked inside. A few coins, two $20 notes were nestled there, An old movie ticket, stamps and receipts. A few cards sat neatly in a row on one side. Sliding each out she viewed them; a video store member ship, grocery store coupons and library card that seemed to be about a decade old for...Rosewood High. A drivers license as well the photo hidden from view. Alarm bells were blaring in Mona's head. Not even needing to look further for confirmation she closed it. "This is Alison's isn't it?".

Emily nodded "I ran into her getting our order. I literally ran into her. She was like a deer in headlights when she saw me. She bailed so quickly she forgot her wallet."

Mona was stunned. "What happened? Did you talk to her?"

"I wanted to but I didn't know what to say. She left before I could get a single word out." she explained taking a seat at the table. Emily was pushing her food from one side of the plate to the other with her chopsticks.

"Em, you should really eat something." Mona encouraged

"I'm not really hungry. I could use a drink though, have we got any tequila?" The smaller brunette shifted forward on her chair, her hands on top of Emily's.

"You know I love tequila as much as the next girl but -. Anyways, you were saying you took a detour. Where did you go?"

"I went to Ali's house to return her wallet." she replied. "I knocked on the door but she wasn't home. I stayed there in my car for an hour just waiting like an idiot. I don't even know why."

Mona stroked Emily's hand, "I do."

Emily's head snapped up, her eyes slightly misty. She did know why. The expression on Mona's face suggested what Emily knew in her heart,

"What? No, that's not-" Emily began when Mona interrupted.

"Who are we kidding Em? This isn't what you want. You and me. We just keep going around in circles." she paused visibly swallowing "It's never been what you want. We are the direct result of two broken hearts, bottles of tequila and a one night stand."

Emily's composure was beginning to crumble. Hearing Mona reduce their entire relationship to abuse of alcohol and poor choices was too much. She gripped Mona's hand

"Please Mona don't say it please don't say it. I need you." Mona's face was also stained with tears.

"You may need me Emily but you longer want me. It's her you want. We both know the truth. It's always been her. It's high time we both stop pretending."

Emily shook her head "Mona please no. I can't. I can't go back there. Too much has happened." The brunette's lungs felt as if they were going to explode, like someone was squeezing the life out of her. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think.

"That's exactly what you said that night. The night you broke up with her and I tried to convince you to go and talk it out."

"We didn't break up. We decided to take a break. It's completely different." Emily corrected, her voice just audible through the sobs.

Mona nodded "Exactly. You never really ended things with Alison. You both pressed pause because it was easier than calling it quits. I've loved every minute of it but its time-."

Emily pleaded "Mona please. I'm begging you don't do this."

Mona looked away fighting the fresh tears that wanted to escape her eyes "J-just not enough." she whispered, pulling her hands from Emily's hold. In the minutes that followed Emily didn't look up fearing that watching her girlfriend walk away would push her further over the edge. Mona's chair screeched. At the sound of a zipper it was clear. She was packing. Emily shut her eyes tightly praying that this wasn't happening. A few short days ago she visited an old flame feeling free but none the less content with how her life was now. Now it was in shambles because new flame said she thought her feelings for said old flame had not yet extinguished. When Emily finally found the strength to lift her head up the silence was deafening, the apartment stood still. Slowly wandering into the bedroom her eyes swept over the emptiness. The space on the dresser where Mona's perfumes sat was now vacant, now only dust residing there. The closet bare. Her clothes that hung neatly in seasonal order were no longer there just empty hangers. The few photos of the pair them that hung on the wall were gone. It was like Mona hadn't existed.

"Mona?" her voice came out only as a hoarse whisper, her throat had dried from crying so much. Mona emerged from their en-suite bathroom with her things throwing them into her suitcase. Mona inhaled deeply moving past the brunette avoiding her eye.

"I really let myself fall for you. For us. I thought this was really something. I'm going to miss it."

"No-Mona come on, we can work this out. We're good together. Alison is my past. I promise you that. She's better off without me but I'm not better off without you. Please stay."

"I cant." Without even a goodbye she left.

Emily what have you done? You've managed to screw up yet another relationship. All the pent up emotion seemed to spill out of her at once. She didn't know how long she had been crying. Laying there curled amongst the pillows her girlfriend had used. Her face red and blotchy. Her eyes almost indistinguishable behind the tears that had dried there.

"Emily? Are you alright?" Emily sat up straighter hearing her name. She'd been slumped over the bar for the past hour hour drinking herself stupid.

~:~

"Huhh? W-w-whose asking?" The brunette slurred. Her vision slightly blurred as result of her drunken stupor. "It's Mona. You look about as good I feel right about now. Bad day?" the smaller woman asked sliding herself onto the stool next to Emily.

"What'll it be Miss?" The barman interrupted.

"Tequila shots & keep'em coming." the bartender quickly lined up half a dozen shot glasses pouring the liquid from a height.

"Thanks," she said handing over some money. "Keep the change." Another customer hollered for him and he promptly left for the other side of the bar leaving the two women alone. "So what's got you all dark and twisty hun?" Mona asked downing one shot of tequila, quickly sucking on one the few lime wedges in front of them.

"My girlfriend and me. You remember Alison right?" Emily took a swig of her beer she'd been drinking Mona nodded. "Oh yeah, I bet she's a handful." she laughed downing another shot.

"You have no idea how much. One minute everything is fine. The next she's breaking it off with me."

"Been there sister." Mona spat,

"Wanna join me in my misery?"

"Honey, I'm Madam Mayor of misery!" Mona said raising her shot glass to clink it with Emily's beer bottle. "You know Aria's brother; Mike and I we've been fighting."

Emily chuckled outloud "Who knew I'd have something in common with my old high-school enemy?"

Mona laughed, throwing back another shot, "urgh relationships who needs them right?"

"I'll cheers to that!" In the hours that followed Mona and Emily had ended up at Mona's apartment eating pizza and throwing back some more tequila, until...Emily found herself the next morning completely naked in Mona's bed with Mona next to her and equally as exposed. Her head throbbing violently and no memory of how it had really happened. As it turned out Mona had not only been the shoulder she had cried on many times that night but a valuable source of company as well.

~:~

Emily's eyes fluttered open, she'd fallen asleep. it was midnight. Wandering into the bathroom she started the shower wanting to wash away the emptiness she felt. The water hitting her like knives to the chest. Mona was gone & probably not going to come back. What was she to do now? After showering she returned to bed having made her bedroom into a cave. Complete with netflix, junk food a plenty and sadly more alcohol. Watching hours of sappy movies criticizing and throwing shade at the characters whenever the romantic leads whenever they shared a moment falling in and out of sleep. Her restless sleep was disturbed as violent knocking occurred at her front door.

"Who the hell is knocking at-3 in the morning!". Doing her best to ignore it she rolled over dumping a pillow over her ears. "Go to hell, Go to hell, go to hell!' she chanted under her breath. Still the knocking continued, louder and more deliberate than before. Emily was just about to reach boiling point and tell whoever was to stop but before she could even sit up the knocking ceased. Emily sighed in relief enjoying the silence-if only for a moment. Voices reached her ears. Voices in an argument. Not audible enough to hear the conversation but loud enough to know they weren't exchanging pleasantries in passing one another. As quickly as it started it stopped. The incessant knocking at her door began again.

"For god sake." Emily growled stomping out of her bedroom almost ripping the door of its hinges "Will you please stop! Some of us are trying to-" the rest of her words were lost in her throat at the sight of her visitor.

"You've been drinking again haven't you? You always were a potty mouth when you drank heavily. Either that or you could flirt for America." that voice, that face. Emily squinted tilting her head to the left, the light from the hallway blinding her view a bit. She couldn't be sure she was seeing who she thought she was but she was almost certain Alison was standing in her doorway.

"Alison?" the person was dressed in an overcoat and heels. "God it looks like a bomb hit this place. When was the last time you had it cleaned?".

Emily rubbed her eyes forcing herself to open them wider. It was true. The place was a mess. Her and Mona's takeout still sat untouched on the table giving off a stale smell, numerous junk food wrappers hung out of the bin, empty alcohol bottles littered the kitchen and bedroom. Anyone else walked into the apartment they'd think it was the coming apocalypse.

"Jesus Emily. I thought you were better than this? I thought you had your life together now. You had started over. It's like you've gone backwards in the space of a day." Emily snorted through her haze. "That's rich coming from you. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Mona called. She said you have something that belongs to me."

Emily crossed her arms over her chest "What would that be?"

"My wallet." she said sternly.

The brunette headed toward the kitchen grabbed the wallet throwing at the blondes chest "Here, you got what you came for. Now get out!".

Alison caught the wallet shaking her head "If you think for one minute I'm leaving you alone in this mess you're wrong. I'm not leaving you alone to do something stupid," the blonde said throwing her overcoat down and had begun picking up the mess.

"Haha, doing something stupid is how we ended up here Alison. Or did you forget?" Emily snaps. Alison glared at Emily for a second but almost immediately softened.

"Go take a shower and go back to bed. I'll clean this up." Emily opened her mouth to argue but the blonde only forced her toward the bathroom. As Alison cleaned the apartment Emily went into her room grabbing her mobile.

You called Alison! What the hell Mona? -E

A second or so later her phone beeped with a voice message.

It's for your own good you know. Bottom line is you love her whether you admit that or not. If she's turned up at your door it means there's still a good chance she loves you too. -M.

Emily got back into bed, a bit more sober than before. Alison had successfully cleaned the apartment having it look almost new again. It dawned on her that she had wanted to confess to the crime but perhaps confessing to Alison first that she had been wrong in wanting to cover it up was a good start.

"Do you need anything? Water? Aspirin?"

"No I'm fine. thanks." Alison smiled turning to leave "Ali?" Emily said quickly.

Alison's ears had to be deceiving her, her nickname had rolled off the brunette's tongue again. Her stomach flipped nervously "Yes."

"You don't have to babysit me. I'll be fine on my own. I'm sure you'd much rather be somewhere else."

"There's no place I'd rather be. Now get some sleep."

"Will you-no never mind."

"What?" Alison asked curiously

"Would you stay with me until I fall asleep again? I mean you don't have to."

Surprisingly to Emily, Alison smiled. "Of course. I'll just get you a bucket first, you've had quite a lot to drink."

Emily blushed hiding her face under the sheets of her bed. Quickly Alison was gone and back with the bucket and sitting by Emily as she closed her eyes.

Drifting off she mumbled "I'm sorry I screwed things up Ali."

Alison's heart melted "I'm sorry too." leaving a gentle kiss to Emily's forehead she turned out the light. She was exhausted too having busied herself cleaning the mess. It wouldn't hurt to close her eyes for just a minute right?

Chapter Text

Alison's awakened yet again by the gentle thud of the apartment door closing. She's been sleeping on Emily's couch for the past three nights over the past four. The first night she shared the bed with the brunette but it felt so normal to be back there that it felt strange. So she decided it would be better to rough it on the couch. Keeping an eye on the brunette was proving quite the challenge. Yet therapeutic at the same time. The passed few days had been exactly the same. Alison would wake up on the couch, her neck stiff and muscles sore to the sound of Emily closing the door behind her as she left for work. When Emily arrived home Alison would be asleep having spent her day cleaning the apartment and prepping meals for the brunette so she had decent food.

What am I even doing here?

Emily wasn't even conscious half the time. Sometimes she was sleeping and others she was in a zombie like state getting ready for work. They'd barely said two words to each other since Alison arrived. Unbeknownst to them both that was about to change. Call it fate, destiny or the universes idea of a joke but mother nature was about to intervene.

Emily was spread out on the couch with her feet up dead asleep having drifted off halfway through a movie. Alison was in the kitchen tidying things up after dinner when the sound of the TV caught her attention.

We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin. A severe weather warning has just been issued. Residents of Rosewood, Ravenswood, Philadelphia and some areas of New York are urged to prepare themselves. A severe storm is expected to hit tomorrow. We aren't sure exactly when. As you can see a few low pressure systems are moving swiftly toward the coast and across most of the major metro areas of Philadelphia, New York and Boston. Gusty winds, torrential rain, hail and isolated thunderstorms are expected. We urge caution and we urge all to act now! We urge everyone to be prepared. Gather up supplies; blankets, bottles of water, food, batteries, first aid supplies. Assist your neighbors where you can. Secure your windows with strong tape, take refuge in a bathroom, garage or cellar if possible. Please stay indoors! Stay together. Do not attempt to outrun the storm by travel! This is a severe weather warning. We'll bring you updates when we can. Stay safe everyone. 

The newscaster finished.

"Oh my god." Alison gasped. "Em. Wake up." she said nudging the brunette firmly. She didn't stir. Usually it didn't take much to get her to wake up but on this occasion she wasn't budging. Alison rolled her eyes attempting again to wake her "Em, wake up!". Again the brunette stirred, mumbling slightly in her sleep.

"You haven't changed one bit. You're still the same stubborn girl you always have been." she muttered to herself covering Emily's sleeping form with a blanket. Brushing her teeth, Alison's mind wandered.

"I can't believe it. Of all days it chooses to rain today." the blonde huffed peering out the window at the relentless downpour. it was miserable outside. We had a whole day planned. Our date hasn't started and its already been ruined by this damn weather".

The brunette smiled."Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit? We can still have our date right here in the house."

Alison scoffed "Yeah right. How are we going to have a picnic inside Em?"

"Easy. Put a blanket in front of the fire place and snuggle together listening to the rain. Come on Ali where's your sense of adventure?" Emily teased. 

"I wanted to go to Paris! Don't you remember? I asked you in high school to come with me." Emily smiled absentmindedly remembering that day. Had they not been in high school and won the lottery she would have said yes in a heartbeat. She moved over to her girlfriend squeezing her tight from behind "We don't need Paris when we have each other Ali." her lips leaving a kiss to her girlfriends cheek.

After cleaning her teeth she found Emily still on the couch so she decided to sleep in the bed which was miles more comfortable than the couch. Laying her head on the pillow she began a list in her head of all the things they would need to wait out the storm. Her list was only about ten things long before sleep overtook her.

The brunette yawned stretching her limbs, her joints cracking. God my neck kills. How is Ali sleeping on this thing every night?

 It was kind of weird to have her ex girlfriend staying with her - out of sheer pity because Mona left. Emily's head was pounding again. She'd spent the previous night out with work mates getting plastered again. I can't keep doing this. I'm too old for this shit. How the fuck did I even get home? She vaguely recollects having one of the girls she was out with put her in a cab. Her mouth is dry. The after taste of bourbon lingers traveling to her nostrils. Upon standing she wobbles a bit in her attempts to walk to the kitchen. Usually she can without much fuss reach the glasses on top shelf of the cupboard but today with her hangover it seems higher. Going up on her tiptoes she extends her arm. Her fingertips touch the glass but cannot grab it. Her butt cheek peaks out from under her long T-shirt and her underwear that read 'mermaid' in cursive on the back earning her a small giggle from behind. Her long dark hair falling effortlessly in haphazard curls from last nights outing.

Mermaid indeed!  Alison had to stop herself from going over there and pinching her there. it was proving a struggle to keep her autopilot setting in check.

"Well that was a little more than I needed to see." The blonde states albeit a little smugly. Hearing the blonde's voice startles Emily mid stretch to the shelf. One of her legs give way. The brunette squeals. Alison watches the scene before her in slow motion. Emily's hand knocks the glass falling until it hits the floor shattering in pieces. Emily follows after "Emily!". The brunette has disappeared behind the island bench. Before she knows it, Alison is at her side of the bench. Emily isn't moving but she's conscious. "Are you hurt?"

Emily attempts to move off the floor but crumples, pain clear on her face. "I think I landed on some of the glass. My side really hurts."

Alison carefully maneuvers her bare feet through the mine field of glass to kneel down beside Emily. "Try not to move and I'll take a look OK?"

Emily can feel Alison soft slender fingers land on her hip searching her injury. Alison's eyes scanned the brunette's body trying to ignore how good the tanned woman's legs look in the underwear. Emily notes the sudden change in the blondes expression. "What? What is it? Is it bad, efft" she winces in pain as Alison's hand reaches a tender spot on her back. "It's not that bad. The wound looks superficial but you are bleeding a little bit. We should get you to a doctor."

"Relax, i'll be fine. I have a first aid kit around here somewhere."

"Emily. This needs medical attention. Besides you could have concussion. You hit the deck pretty hard there. Also I know its not the best time to bring this up but...blood makes me squeamish." Emily manages a smile. Alison being squeamish around blood was kind of adorable. She'd of never admitted that when they were together. She was a person of pride and hated admitting weakness. Emily can see Ali's trying not to vomit as she grabs a tea towel hanging on the oven and presses it to the small wound.

"Ali you don't have to help me. I can go to the bathroom and patch myself up." the brunette attempts to push off the floor but fails miserably. Alison gags again as a few drops of blood hit the floor and her own hand. "Jeez Ali what are you going to do when you have kids?" Emily laughs, "Kids come with all sorts of bodily fluids."

"I don't know." is all she can say. Herself and Emily had talked about kids once or twice before the accident. Since then kids and love had been a distant memory. Being in the wellness centre had her thinking and overthinking each and every possible direction her life could take. Some good and some not so good. Back there avoidance seemed the best cause of action. With some help from Alison, the brunette got of the kitchen floor.

"Even with your aversion to blood, you would make a great mother Ali."

Alison's mouth curved into a subtle smile. "Ok now I know you have concussion. If i didn't know better I'd say this whole incident was your way of seducing me." Emily visibly bites her lip as the blondes assists her into a kitchen chair. Her skin tingles with goosebumps. The blonde quickly goes in search of the first aid kit leaving Emily alone for a minute or two with her thoughts. Was Alison flirting? Quick as a flash the blonde is back. Their bodies so close that Emily could feel the blondes breath on her face. For a moment their eyes lock. Not a word is spoken. Brown meets blue and for a moment the world is still. "Take off your shirt,'

Emily shakes her head, "What?"

Alison's voice is low, the corner of her mouth kinks into a half smile "I need to get a better look at this thing. Take off your shirt & turn around."

Emily's brows knit together, her expression curious. Slowly she lifts up her over-sized T shirt. It slides over he head with ease. Her cheeks flush pink as she realizes she hasn't worn a bra. Her arms make to cover her exposed chest but Alison stops her. "Em, I've seen it all before. There's no need to be embarrassed."

Emily ignores her and covers herself the best she can. "We were dating then. Things are different now."

Alison tilts her head sympathetically. "Sweetie, all I'm concerned about right now is the gaping wound on your back. So get over yourself and turn around." The words salty but sweet rolling of her tongue. There's that Ali spark Emily remembers. It resurfaces every now and again. As Alison works on cleaning the wound, she finds her fingers lingering on the brunette's skin. She hasn't been this close to Emily in so long. It feels surreal. It would be so easy to just loosen the reins for a moment and take the half naked brunette in her arms and kiss her until her knees buckled where it would then escalate to a full on make out session. Emily's mind was in a head spin too, she wanted to turn around and look into those blue eyes again like so many times before but something was holding her back. Gripping her chair with her fingers she tried to think about anything else than the blondes hands on her.

Suddenly the tension between them is broken by Emily's clock radio.

We bring you another update on the storm. The wind has picked up and there have been reports of fallen trees and power cut to some areas already. We urge caution! Everyone is expected to take shelter now! Wherever you can! Stay safe. We will bring you news again when the storm has passed. 

"What storm?" Emily questions. Its then that a light bulb goes off in Alison mind. "Shit, i forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what? That a storm is coming? What's the big deal?"

"No, Emily you don't understand. It's a severe storm. We had a severe weather warning last night. I tried to wake you to tell you. We haven't got any supplies or taped up the windows or anything." the blonde fumbled over the words as she spoke. Clearly this wasn't your garden variety storm. It was serious.

"Ok well lets not panic ok. Ive got blankets, food, a camp stove, bottled water in the pantry, flashlights and batteries in the kitchen drawer. Matches and candles in the bathroom and as you know a fully stocked first aid kit...and plenty of booze."

Alison laughs at the last item. "Yeah I don't think you need that." Alison rolls up her sleeves. "Ok we can do this. Where do you keep the duck tape?"

"Laundry cupboard." The two women work together taping the few windows of the apartment to secure them the best they can of course after ridding the kitchen floor of the shards of glass. Noting the dark rain clouds and blustery wind outside, trees were already bending over in the street and a few people struggled against it to rush to the safety of a building. Up until this point the two of them had barely talked and much less talked about their issues about the past and their still lingering feelings. Being stuck in the confined walls of the apartment together was going to be a challenge. Finally after everything was in place they decided it would be best to bunker down in the bathroom with everything they would need to wait out the storm.

"Hey i thought since we don't know how long we'll be in here i thought some board games and a pack of cards would help us pass the time." Emily suggested carrying a mountain of games in her arms.

"Here let me help you." Alison offered taking some of the load placing them on the tiled floor of the bathroom.

"Thanks. What should we start with first?" Emily sat cross legged across from the blonde whom had back against the bath. Before the blonde could answer Emily's cell phone was blaring. "Hello?"

"Oh thank god! Emily, It's Jason, have you seen Ali? I know i said to stay away from her but please tell me you know where she is right now. The storms coming and I can't find her anywhere. Ive been to her house, her friends, the people she works with haven't seen her either. I've tried her cell phone and she's not answering! I'm freaking out. I just want to know she's safe. Please tell me you've seen her." his voice shaky.

"Woah dude, slow down. Relax, Ali's fine. She's here with me at home." Emily yelled down the line blocking her opposite ear from the noise of the wind outside. Seconds later rain pounded against the roof. As Emily's apartment was on the top floor it sounded like gun fire.

Jason releases a deep sigh "Thank god i tracked her down. Hang on- Why is she with you? Is she hurt? Is she ok? Let me talk to her." he demands. Emily passes over the phone to a confused blonde. Why would her brother be calling her cell phone. "It's your brother," Emily shouts.

"Jason?" Alison yells into his ear "What up?"

"I was worried about you! No one has seen or heard from you in a few days! You weren't answering your phone."

Alison looks at her own phone in her pocket. It had gone dead. "I'm sorry. My phone died."

"St-Where-ou-Are. I-co-et-you" the phone crackled making it hard to hear jason's reply.

"Jason! I can't hear you!"

"Stay where you are! Stay Safe!". Alison handed the phone back to Emily.

"I know you two are stuck together right now but try to keep your hands to yourself." He said sternly.

"Yeah you too Jason, bye".

"What did he say?"

"He just said stay safe ." Emily lied. "Are you hungry? I've got potato chips or protein bars?" changing the subject quickly.

Alison shot Emily a knowing look, "I can always tell when you lie. What did he really say?".

Emily pressed her lips together tight pretending to button them up.

Alison scowled at her playfully. "You know I'll find out from Jason anyway so you may as well tell me what he said now."

"Ok fine. At the risk of opening a can of worms. He told me to keep my hands to myself." she replied not meeting Alison's eye.

"Well I for one was never one to listen to Jason. I can't promise anything. It could get cold in here. We might have to keep each other warm all night." raising her eyebrows and poking her tongue out between her teeth in cheesy grin. This was getting ridiculous. They were trapped in a bathroom with a bloody great storm outside and Alison was putting the moves on Emily and it was in no way subtle. Emily had to be dreaming. Closing her eyes she willed herself to wake up. counting to ten in her head. She heard movement and felt something brush against her arm. Opening her eyes she saw that the blonde had moved to sit right next to her.

"I think we should play a game."

"Sure. Which one." Emily gulped.

Alison had a twinkle in her eye. "I think you know."

"Ali I don't think strip twister is the way to go. How about a game of Go Fish or Monopoly or just talk?"

Alison sat back throwing her hands up in frustration. "Come one Emily! I am basically throwing myself at you here. It can't have been just me in that kitchen earlier. I know you felt something back there. We had a moment. Or at least I did." Raising her voice over the storm. Thunder had begun shaking the entire bathroom. The two women squealed and moved to squeeze each in a tight hug. Dust from the ceiling shook falling down on them like snow flakes. Rain pelted the bathroom window.

"Fuck this storm is scary.' Emily said

"You said it. Remember when we used to hide under my bed when we were little and afraid of storms?"

"Yeah I remember. I wasn't really that scared I just went along it so I could hold your hand." It was then that Emily realized the grip she had the blondes hand. A vice grip making it go white. "S-sorry. Maybe I am a little scared-this time. The answer to your earlier question is yes. We did have moment. It's basically why Mona left." Suddenly Emily's whole mood changed. "In fact I think we've had many moments since being in each other's orbit again. Like when I went to see you at the centre. The time we bumped into each other at the chinese restaurant. And yes back in the kitchen." Somehow in the midst of all the talking Alison's hand found Emily's and wiped away a few idle tears from the brunette's face with the other. "Ali - I. There's something I have to say."

"Shh, it's ok Em. Please don't cry."

"I'll do it."

"Do what? Me?"

Emily laughed, using a corner of her shirt to dab her eyes dry. "No not you. Are you offering?" she joked

"No its something I should have done a long time ago." Alison was confused but had a gut feeling she knew where this was going. "Can you pass me one of those protein bars, I'm starving I forgot to eat breakfast!". In attempt like Emily to change the subject. Emily grabbed one opening it and splitting it in two. Handing the bigger half to Alison to which she shoved all in her mouth.

"I'm going to go to the police and tell the truth about what happened." Emily told her. Alison coughed uncontrollably. She was choking for real. Spitting out the contents of her mouth into the bin nearby. "Woah Emily slow down! You cant do that now."

Emily's brow rose. She thought Alison would be happy to hear these words after so long. She had begged Emily for months after the accident to come forward with the truth so why was she against it now?

"I thought you'd be relieved?" Emily asked

"During my time at the wellness centre realized a few things Em. The past is the past. We can't change it. Look. I know we have lots to talk about but-" She didn't even bother finishing her sentence before moving in toward Emily. By this point they'd totally forgotten about the storm that still raged outside. Alison's face inches from the brunette's. Alison was losing to her autopilot switch again. Her inner self was screaming out to plant one on the brunette. At the last second she pulled back. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife it was that thick. Emily bit her lip before capturing Alison's in a lip-lock. Finally they broke apart.

"So what does that mean?" Alison asked bewildered.

"I don't know."

Chapter Text

Emily woke up the next morning on the bathroom floor alone with a few pillows under her head. Scanning the room she realised the blonde was nowhere in sight. Thinking hard Emily shuffles through the pieces of last night. She hadn't been drinking at all but somehow the memories didn't seem quite real. Like she had just made them up and the absence of the blonde in question wasn't helping matters. Flashes. Of talking the night away with her reminiscing of the good ol' days. Kissing her and Alison kissing her back. Did any of it really happen? Where was Ali? Had the kiss scared her off? Searching the apartment. No sign of her. It dawned on Emily where Ali used to go when she was scared or confused and needing answers.

"I thought I'd find you here. You always came here as a kid when you were looking for answers." Emily whispered, sliding into the pew beside the blonde. Alison was silent with her head bowed whispering inaudibly. Appearing to not have heard Emily. "Ali?"

Finally the blonde spoke, "Shh."

"Sorry." Sitting in silence she watched the blonde and a few others scattered amongst the pews.

"I've been meaning to come too. I just didn't-." she paused mid sentence when her gaze fell on the large alter at the front. "How could I step foot in this place? Me? I used to think myself a good person. What we-What I did to them- because of my carelessness. What I did to you."

"Em." the blonde uttered, gripping the brunette's hand, their eyes meeting "You didn't do anything to me. I did. I chose to lie for you. I made the decision to cover it up. Just as much as you did. We can't continue to let it hurt us. We've been there & done that. I don't know about you Emily but I'm done punishing myself. I want to be happy & I would really love it if you would be happy with me. A long time ago I would have died before admitting this-" she paused momentarily "My happiness is and always has been linked to you. I've been holding on to you for dear life Emily. I have never loved someone like I love you. It freaks me out to this day how much you mean to me. That's why I let you go but I never for one second wanted to do it."

"...God why does it have to be this hard." Emily's voice broke. "I love you like everything I am."

Alison smiled weakly, her eyes sparkling in the low light. "We have survived so much together over the years and last night we survived a storm. I guess I just came here for answers. I need to know why we survive so much and others don't. I came here asking for forgiveness. I also came here after mum died for the same thing. I'm forever wondering why terrible things happen to good people & why good people do terrible things by accident or not. Something about this place just helps somehow."

"How?"

"I don't know. It just does. Why did you come here?" turning the conversation back on the brunette.

"To find you." she said simply. The blonde shot her look suggesting she didn't believe that for a minute. "...and I like watching people come here. Everyone comes here to ask for guidance and forgiveness for the things they've done or things they're trying to make sense of. It might sound selfish but I think it lessens my guilt if just the littlest bit to know I'm not the only one that's a little lost. Stupid isn't it? None of it matters though. It makes no difference. No one has secrets as dark as mine. I'm not worthy of forgiveness. I'm no different from a cold blooded serial killer." She said, still whispering.

Alison threw an arm around the brunette's shoulder. her forehead meeting the other woman's "What you're feeling right now makes you different." Alison said firmly "Remorse. It's what makes you human Emily."

"Yeah, well human beings don't kill people. Monsters do. I'm a monster! A villain! Everyone knows monsters and villains don't get a happy ending Ali. So let's cut our losses now. I couldn't bare to hurt you-again."

Alison sat back against the pew still gripping Emily's hand for dear life in a last attempt to make her understand "Em. I just got you back. Please don't bail on me again. I want us like we always promised. Forever."

"You're not making any sense Ali."

"You came here to find me and because you feel guilty for still having feelings for me and that kiss. You don't want to drag me down again."

Emily didn't respond which told Alison she was right on the money. "Please let's move on from all this."

"I can't Ali. It's not that simple."

"It could be if you tried."

Emily shook her head, turning her gaze to the ceiling to stop the tears brimming her eyes from falling.

"Come on Emily. Just take my hand and we'll walk out of here together and start fresh."

Emily nodded silently "Ok but first I need to tell you something."

"Tell me what?"

"After the accident I did some research."

"Research?"

"I went through the articles in the newspapers, online and stuff. I found out the family still has a few living relatives. The wife has a sister in New York. She's a single mother and she's got three kids. I've been sending them a check every month to help her out. She was grieving for her sister's family. I didn't want them to worry about money as well."

"What did the woman say when you started giving her money?"

"I just told her my family had been through similar circumstances and I wanted to help even just a little bit. I wanted to be a kind Samaritan and not a murderer." she whispered into the blonde's ear.

"Emily Fields, you are the most compassionate and loving person on this whole planet. I wish you could see that as much as I do and always have. Are you still sending them money now?"

"No. They're doing better now."

"I think it's time we went home. Don't you?" Alison stands bringing Emily to her feet. Leaving the church Emily takes a breath of the fresh air as the doors open. For the first time in a long time she felt like she could breathe again. Looking over at the blonde smiling she knew she felt the same way. What was this fresh start to bring them?

~:~

A little flashforward...fluffy stuff.

"When you said let's go on a date this isn't exactly what I had in mind Emily."

"Clearly." Emily said eyeing the blondes feet in her favourite heels. Alison's face soured. "You could have told me to change before you blindfolded me."

"I thought you could use the challenge. Now swing those hips and hit that ball." Emily encouraged from behind the fence.

"I'm standing in a batting cage in skinny jeans and high heels. How am i supposed to do this?"

Emily laughed.

Alison's eyes narrowed. "Now you're laughing at me. You are so not getting laid tonight."

"Ok I'm sorry!. Ill behave i promise. To be fair though, blindfolding you was the only way I could get you here."

"Cause you know I wouldn't be caught dead here otherwise! I hate baseball!"

"Then you really didn't me a choice then did you? Besides you used to love baseball. You never missed a game before much less a chance to come to the batting cages. What's changed?"

Alison lowered her bat to the ground dragging it behind her before exiting the cage. Narrowly escaping a pitch from the ball machine. "Coming here now just bums me out. This was something Jason and I did with dad."

"Let's remedy that shall we. It can be something you and me can do together. Maybe we can bring our kids here one day."

Alison raised an eyebrow, smiling "Our kids huh? I'd like that. One day." Emily pulled Alison to stand huging her tightly.

"So do you want to stay? I've spare clothes and sneakers in the car if you want to change or would rather go home?"

"Ill stay on one condition."

"What would that be?"

"You kiss me." The blonde replied pointing to her heart shaped lips. Emily happily followed through with the request. Taking the few steps between them she sauntered over taking the baseball cap from her own head and placing it over the top of the blondes curls her lips gently merging with Alison's.

"There. Now you look the part. We even now?"

"Another kiss like that and I might just change my mind."

"You look so sexy in my hat."

"Shut up & show me how its really done." Alison laughed handing Emily the bat. Stepping up Emily took her stance waiting for the ball. Thwack!

"You've got the talent there Em. Must be all that swimming paying off."

Chapter Text

'You don't understand Dr Sullivan. She won't touch me. We haven't...I can't.' Alison struggles to get the words out 'Every time we start to become intimate she stops. I don't know why it's like she just freezes up.' The two women had tried to be together for weeks maybe closer to a month or two since the night of the storm and then again after leaving the church with the faith that they would be alright again. That they could be happy again. Unfortunately every attempt had been anything but perfect. Either one would find an excuse or both would totally freeze on the spot before anything had even happened. It was like they were in limbo. None of it made sense. Sex between them had always been great. They'd never had issues before. Both would get there and enjoy getting there several times but now?

'And you?' Dr Sullivan asked

'Me?'

'Do you find that you freeze up also? Perhaps you are both afraid to open yourselves up to each other again. To be vulnerable again. It will take time to return to the people and the couple you once were Alison. There's no shame in that ad on that note no one is saying you even have to be those versions of yourselves.'

'You know, sometimes I wonder can she love this version of me even when I don't even know this version of myself?' She admittedly sadly.

'Does Emily feel this way also? Maybe she feels you won't love the new version of her. The one that got by without you for so long, like you did her. I still don't know the details of your breakup but I can gather that you love her very much. I'm sure she feels the same for you. Only in moments of total vulnerability can you both conquer your fears. Have you tried talking to her about it?'

'Sex was something we did to avoid talking. Not all the time but some and to avoid fighting. We've never been great at the talking thing. I guess that's why I'm back here with you.' Alison answered

Dr Sullivan's clock chimed on the wall. 'Well, as our session is up I have some homework for you. The next time you start to become intimate I want you to take a mental note of when it happens.'

'I'm not sure I follow.'

'For example, is it a spur of the moment romantic gesture. Have you just had an argument. What ever it happens to be take that mental note and we'll discuss it next time.'

'What if we don't? Become intimate I mean. What do we do then? What does it matter the how and when we have sex?

'That's what you have to find out for yourself. Shall we say same time in about 2 weeks or so but I'd like to see both you and Emily next session alright to see how your relationship has progressed.'

~:~

'Hey, how was spin class?' Emily asks seeing Alison walk in the front door. That's where Alison had told Emily she was going.

'I didn't go to spin class. I went to Dr Sullivan again. I'm sorry I lied. It's just she's good to talk to.'

'Seriously? Ali, we said we would try to talk with each other this time round. We promised remember? No more secrets. No more lies.'

'Fine but I might need some wine to get through it.' Emily disappeared into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of red and some glasses while Alison made herself comfortable in the sitting room.

'So?...start talking'' Emily probes handing her the glass and taking a seat.

Alison took a long sip before swallowing, placing it down on the coffee table next to Emily's glass 'I went to see her again. I needed her advice.'

'About what?' Emily snapped. 'I thought we were going good. We are aren't we?'

Alison avoided Emily's eye ''Yes of course we are but one thing isn't like it was and she suggested that we see her together for another session. Would you be open to that?'

Emily's silence was deafening so the blonde spoke again. 'We've been back together now for almost 3 months and we haven't-' Alison paused as her cheeked flushes pink.

'I know.' Emily said 'It's just gonna take some time for us to get back there. I don't want to mess this up again & I know you don't either. We can take it as slow as we want. There's no rush but if you're really worried about it-do you really think Dr Sullivan can help us? I mean she's not a qualified sex therapist or anything. What she could she possibly do or say that could help us?'

'Please Emily we need to do this. It's worth a try isn't it?' Alison begged her hand squeezing Emily's that rested between them. 'If we can get back to some form of a normal life not to mention sex life I think it's worth trying. Don't you? Just one session?'

Seeing her girlfriend so deflated like this was more than enough to get the brunette to agree. 'Alright I'll go. When's your next session?'

'In a few weeks.'

'ok.'

~:~

A flashback to Emily's time with Mona.

A naked Emily lay in bed staring at the moon from the open window of her third floor apartment. Her mind wide awake and ticking over the events of earlier this evening. She and Mona had gotten drunk again and slept together again. It was going fine and they were in the zone until it happened. Emily had said Alison's name. Although being this drunk may have given anyone else a free pass at saying wrong name during casual sex it didn't however for Emily. For Mona it had been downright humiliating but ultimately wasn't surprised. A drunken slip of the tongue was still a slip of the tongue. It meant something to Emily. The owner of the name still held her captive. Her whole being was imprisoned by the dilaurentis woman and it was not going to give it up easily. She went over the conversation again in her mind. 

' Mona I didn't mean-she means nothing to me now. It's over.'

' I think if it were over between you two you wouldn't have whispered 'i love you Ali' in my ear. It's not over for you Emily. It's been what? A few months? She may have left you but she's not gone.' Mona paused taking a beat 'look, call me if you ever wanna talk ok? Just give it some time.' Emily just tightened her grip on the almost empty tequila bottle she'd found amongst the sheets of the bed. 

' And no more booze. You drink any more You'll take the gold for America.' Mona said harshly retrieving the bottle from Emily who fought to keep it. After successfully taking the bottle Mona slipped on her jeans and tank top with a 'Bye Emily.' and was gone. Ending this whatever it was with Emily as quickly as it had started was the right thing to do. This was the first good decision she had made in as many days. 

Emily's slip up had woken Mona up. Who was it helping? Nobody. What they were doing wasn't healthy. It was time to go home, take a shower and sober up. Hence why Emily lay in bed alone wide awake with only her plagued thoughts for company. 

Here she was again alone, sad and hungover. It was becoming a habit and a bad one at that. However this wouldn't be the last of Emily and Mona. They would go on a few more months on and off until Mona would leave for the last time taking a suitcase and all her belongings. 

—

Emily and Alison were seated in the waiting room of Dr Sullivan waiting for her to return from an errand for their session and Emily was on chewing on her bottom lip. The past week had her recall an incident with Mona where she had said Alison's name during sex and now here she was again having problems. Sex used to be the easiest thing in the world. It was the feelings connected with it that were the problem and now it was the opposite.

'Ali can we please go? This whole thing is so stupid. It's totally stupid. Can we just try to get passed it in our own way by ourselves?'

'I think that ship has sailed Em. We need help.'

Emily scoffed. 'Maybe you do.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing just forget it. I'm out of here. I need a drink.'

'It's 10am Emily. You can't go a single day or better yet an hour without wanting a drink. You really think I'm the one that needs help? Let me remind you that I was the one to pick you up after your countless benders after Mona left you because guess what you still loved me. That's why we're here. We love each other-'

'I thought we loved each other too but we keep fighting like this I'm not sure what to do anymore. We obviously are beyond help and I refuse to do therapy. it's for crazy unhinged people and I am not unhinged. I'm going home. The only question is are you coming with me?' Emily replied angrily

'You are so bloody stubborn!. I don't want to believe I wasted so many days thinking of you at the wellness centre. Dreaming of the day I might see you again and be with you again. I hope to god I've not wrong in still wanting a future with you.' Soft tears appeared in the corners of her eyes.

'You think I'm stubborn? Well you're a complete control freak. As for wasting time it's this right here. You're always the one that makes the decisions in this relationship-'

'Because you refuse to!' Alison interrupted 'I'm done with this.' She huffed rising time her feet 'Call me when you decide to grow up and have an actual adult conversation about where this relationship is going. Until then don't call. Don't text. Don't come by. I'm going home grabbing a bag and I'll be staying at the Hilton.' Alison said finally storming out.

'Fine by me. I can't stand to look at you right now.' Emily yelled after her. It was then that Dr Sullivan turned up 'Hello, you must be Emily I just saw Alison leaving is this now a solo session or a rescheduling?'

'I'm sorry we've wasted your time Dr Sullivan but we won't be needing the session. I have to go.' Emily swiftly grabbed her belongings leaving Dr Sullivan totally perplexed.

Having been left without a car she headed on foot for her favorite bar a few blocks away. It was drinking time again. Bad habits die hard they say. She didn't care.

~:~

'Hey Jay, can I get a refill over here?' She beckoned to the bar tender.

'Fields.' He greeted with a smile. 'I wondered when you'd be back. Where's your cute girlfriend? Pretty brown eyes. I haven't seen either of you in here for a while.'

Emily knew it wasn't a good thing to be on first name basis with bartenders but at this point what did it matter? Nothing seemed to go right or matter anymore.

'We aren't together anymore. I got back together with my ex girlfriend before Mona and now I think that's gone to shit too. Maybe I'm better off alone?'

'No one is better off being alone Fields. Trust me on that. Now I'll give you a piece of advice someone once gave me.'

Emily lifted her head from the bar 'ok I'm listening.'

'Go home. Take some aspirin. Get some sleep. Tomorrow's a new day. Make it count for something. If you want things to swing your way get off your ass and do something about it.'

'You know I think you're right but what should I do about my girlfriend? It's too damn hard.'

'You're preaching to the choir. Go work it out, it's no good sitting here feeling sorry for yourself.'

Emily downed her last shot determinedly, her head buzzing she knew what she had to do.

~:~

Alison hung her head as tears fell without pause. A heaviness in her chest one she was all to familiar with. Yet again her and Emily had come to stop.

'Why can't we make it work?' She cried 'why can't we get it right?'. They'd hit another iceberg. It was always the same. They'd be fine and then without warning iceberg dead ahead. She had checked in to a hotel and sat in a ball on the on the floor letting it all out. Her shoes kicked off to the side and a bottle of red wine at the ready no glass in sight. Just an open bottle not yet touched but she wanted to down the whole lot. It took everything in her to leave it there next to her. Her thoughts muddled. Her emotions all over the place, a lump in her throat and the very cure to help her forget today's awful events was sitting in the bottle.

'Screw it.' without hesitation gulped it down only stopping to take a breath when she downed a quarter of it. Ignoring the burn in her throat as it made it's way down letting each mouthful erase her mind. 'At least one thing in my life is consistent.' She said to herself 'To being constantly disappointed and depressed.' She said charging her wine bottle clumsily into the air sloshing some of its contents on the shag rug and her white and jeans. She'd pay for that tomorrow-literally.

Getting to her feet not at all gracefully, a knock at the door drew her attention. 'I don't need r-room service' she slurred managing to turn the handle.

'I'm not room service but I'll service you anyway.' A drunk Emily was hanging off the wall next to the door her eyes dark with lust.

'Oh go away. It's late and I don't want to see you.' Emily pushed the blonde aside staggering into the room and turned trapping Alison between the now closed door and herself crashing her lips hard against the blondes. Alison was frozen but her lips moved against Emily's loving how it seemed to awaken those intense feelings she'd had for her way back in school she thought had disappeared. Her head foggy, her body on fire. Whether it was the alcohol working its magic or her lusting after the woman before her she wasn't be sure . 'Em,' the blonde said breathlessly.

'Anything y-ou want it's yours baby.' Emily purred assaulting Alison's neck with soft but passionate kisses. The blondes hands fumbled for Emily's waist pulling and tugging at her shirt feeling the skin underneath as goosebumps rose underneath her fingertips. Emily moaned appreciatively and Alison smirked against her lips.

'Tonight there's only one rule. No talking and no thinking.' The brunette said firmly moving her way down the blondes neck to her exposed cleavage continuing to unbutton the rest 'that's two rules'

'Fine two rules. Now kiss me.' Alison complies with the request unbuttoning the brunettes jeans pushing them off her hips leaving her standing in underwear, not once breaking contact with Emily. Within seconds Alison tip had found its way to the floor as they moved swiftly to the bed. Tangled limbs, a flurry of heated kisses, skin against skin, guttural moans and sweat….

'I'd forgotten about your mermaid tattoo Emily.' Alison smirked eyeing it on the other woman's hip tracing with her finger as her head lay on the other woman's bare chest. Both buzzed with alcohol lay naked and entangled together, breathless and finally satisfied in the sheets.

'That was amazing. I think it's my best work.' Emily laughed stretching her limbs feeling deliciously sore all over. Alison giggled 'Can't argue with that. That's the most fun I've had getting there in a long time.'

Chapter Text

It had been a tumultuous few months. With the accident, the multiple fights, the storm, therapy sessions, the times apart and then reunions when together again.

The drunken passion of last night was intense, a desperate attempt from both to feel something other than guilt. Heated kisses of passion mixed with pain and regret. The long list of their mistakes hanging over them both, a constant reminder of the night that changed everything. Three lives lost, a terrible price to pay for their reckless decision to drink and drive. That whole night had caused everything else since then to go wrong.

Emily lay awake most of the night revisiting every bad decision she had made since that horrible night with Alison. The alcohol haze slowly disappeared and Emily was seeing clearly again.  The weight of her actions hit her like a ton of bricks. She realized that their tryst, though comforting, could never fix what was truly broken. She knew that the only way to find redemption was to face the consequences of her actions head-on. Her mind was made up.

She looked at Alison, still sleeping peacefully, her naked form so ethereal, and felt a surge of love mixed with sorrow. She knew that her decision would change their lives forever but it was a sacrifice she was willing to make. With a heavy heart she dressed quietly, finding a pen and a scrap of paper and left a note on the bedside table.

Ali, I can no longer run from the truth. This isn't working anymore. We can't go on like this. It's been my fault. Since that awful night. I have to take responsibility for what I've done. I'm going to the police to confess. I know this might mean prison time, but it's the only way I can live with myself. I love you. I hope you can forgive me for putting you through all this. I hope one day when enough time has passed you will have forgiven me for all that I've done wrong. You deserve everything good.

-Emily.

Emily's hands trembled as she penned the words, her heart aching at the thought of losing Alison again probably for the last time. But she knew this was the right thing to do, not just for herself but for the memory of the lives they had taken. Justice must be served.

Grabbing her phone and hitting the speed dial she waited, "Hey, I know it's late but I need a favor. Can you meet me on the corner of West and River Street?" she asked,

"I asked you not to contact me again, Emily. You better have a good reason for waking me at this hour."

"It's important." was all she said before hanging up. Standing on the street shivering, goosebumps rising on her arms, she waited. Lost in her thoughts she didn't notice a car pull up to the curb.

 "You wanna fill me in or do we have to play 20 questions?"

"Thanks for coming, Mona. I appreciate it, I just needed someone to talk to."

Mona scoffed "Seriously? You asked me here in the freezing cold, dead of night to-talk! Talk about what? You should be talking to Alison, remember her? Your girlfriend?."

"She's not-We aren't working. I made a mistake a long time ago and our relationship has been paying the price ever since."

"I need to know why I am here Emily?"

It was then that Emily asked Mona to drive them both to the 24 hour diner a few streets over and she'd explain everything. After initially refusing Mona agreed.

Making themselves comfortable in the corner booth Mona waited, Emily swallowed nervously. Trying her best to find the words. Upon seeing Emily's clear discomfort Mona reached out across the table squeezing her hand as a waitress placed two cups of coffee in front of them.

"Em, whatever it is it can't be that bad. You and Ali will work it out. You'll see, you are meant to be together. You're just going through a rough patch."

Emily's face cracked a weak smile. The whole story spilled out of her starting from the accident and all the trouble she and Alison had had since. Making sure to keep her voice at a whisper so none of the few other customers or diner staff could eavesdrop. Finally Emily finished explaining. Mona's mind swirled with so many questions she didn't know what to ask first or whether she even wanted answers.

"I don't know what to say,"

"You don't have to say anything. Do you remember I asked you for a favor when I called you earlier tonight."

Mona nodded.

"I need you to take me to the police station. I'm going to confess." Emily said, her fingers playing with a chip on her coffee mug.

Mona gasped quietly "I admire your courage Em but are you sure you know what you're doing? You know that confessing to something like that means-"

Emily nodded sadly "It's the right thing to do. Those people deserve justice and I deserve to pay for what I did. I owe it to them and I owe it to Alison. I made her suffer too because I asked her to lie for me. I have to make it right. Will you help me do that?"

Mona was silent for a moment, "Of course. I'm glad you called me. No one should do something like this alone. You're so brave Emily. You should know that."

Emily didn't feel brave at all, she was beyond terrified.

As she walked towards the police station, the weight of her decision bore down on her shoulders. Her feet halting every few steps. Her mind is full; fear, regret, and a strange sense of relief. Gently Mona urged her forward, pushing open the front door. Emily inhaled a breath as best she could, ready to face the consequences of her actions. The air around her felt thicker somehow.

"My name is Emily Fields and I am here to turn myself in for a crime."

"Take a seat. An officer will be with you shortly." the officer at the front desk behind glass replied and he went back to scribbling notes down and typing on the computer.

Emily turned on her heel with Mona close behind opting to find an empty row of chairs but seeing none took the two seats, between a woman who was scantily dressed in fishnet stockings, mini skirt & heels and a large bald man with a truckers hat on in handcuffs. At first she thought that she didn't belong here among such people biting her lip in response to such thought. Of course she belonged here.She had committed a crime and for all she knew these two people she sat between were upstanding citizens that had been wrongfully accused and detained. A half hour or so passed, Emily has resorted to shifting in her seat every few minutes.

"Emily Fields? Will you follow me please?" An older woman greeted Emily not even making eye contact with her, Emily gulped. This was it. This was the end of her life. Mona squeezed Emily's hand reassuringly. After this she'd be charged and locked away for the rest of her life. As her feet continued to follow the woman, hot tears threatened to fall as her emotions began bubbling to the surface. Her chest felt heavy.

Goodbye Ali. She thought to herself. Picturing the beautiful woman she loved, reading the note she had left behind. Emily could almost hear own heart breaking inside her.

Alison had woken up and had found the note, her eyes skimming over it carefully. Rereading three times to make sure she had read it correctly. Her mind racing. Her heart sank as she realized what this was. This is what she had wanted for so long but now that it was happening she didn't want it too. She'd lost too much already. She couldn't lose Emily…again. She lost her to the guilt, she lost her to the alcohol, she lost her to another woman possibly a few more. She couldn't face losing her to prison too! She had to do something and fast! How and what?

She rushed to the police station, her mind racing with thoughts of Emily's well-being. When she arrived, she saw Emily being led away, a small woman standing next to her holding her hand, Mona, her face pale.

Alison's voice trembled as she called out, "Emily, wait! I love you!"

Emily turned, her eyes filled with tears. "I have to do this. I can't live with the guilt any longer. Maybe this way you'll forgive me. I have to face the consequences."

Alison's heart shattered as she watched Emily being taken away to be interviewed. Mona then joined Alison's side placing a consoling arm around her shoulders as the blonde broke down sobbing.

Tears escaped Mona's eyes. Alison leaned into Mona, her knees weak. Emily's actions were brave, but the thought of losing her was almost too much. She stood there, frozen as Emily disappeared down the hall with the officer Mona whispered "You should know she's doing this for you.”

The second Emily disappeared from sight, Alison's world blurred, her head spinning. Her knees trembled giving way underneath her, if not for Mona doing her best to keep her upright she would have crashed to the floor.

"Alison!" Mona shrieked

"Emily." the blonde muttered, barely conscious.

"Ali, you have to be strong. For Emily." Mona said firmly, shaking the blonde gently. An onlooker approached them with a styrofoam cup of water and quickly assisted in placing Alison into an available chair. "Are you alright dear?" the kind onlooker asked as Alison slowly came round.

Mona thanked them and handed Alison the cup "Here, drink this."

Alison took a few sips along with a few deep breaths.

"How can I go on? What am I supposed to do now? I've got no answers Mona, please tell me what to do."

"First, I'm going to take you home. I will text Aria and Hanna to meet us there."

Alison's mind was in a whirlwind again. Mere hours ago she was in bed with the woman she loved, naked, buzzed and happy to be so. Feeling like they had once again cemented their bond with one another and now it was in shambles once more.

The thought of what Emily would now be facing-in prison, terrified her.

The following days went by in a flash. Emily's confession sent shock waves through their social circle and the wider community. Their friends Hanna and Aria, although shocked at first, were understanding and offered what they could in support of Emily and casserole dishes of food for Alison -not that she was even wanting to eat. Spencer as expected started spouting legal advice and offered up her mother as Emily's legal representation to help in any way they could. Which Emily and Alison were grateful for. After all, Veronica Hastings was the best.

It wasn't long before the media caught wind of the whole saga and ran with it for the days and weeks that would follow. Rosewood's leading newspaper: The Rosewood Observer was the first to have the whole story in print and on the front page. No one was sure how they had gotten the details but this was Rosewood after all and scandal always spread like wildfire.

~:~

"When will you be out on bail?" Alison asked, sitting across from Emily in a plastic chair with a glass window between them. Though they were seated across from each other, like miles stood between them, she may as well have been on the other side of the planet. Struggling to keep her composure Alison squeezed her hands together on her lap.

"I'm not sure. Mrs H is working on it but I don't know. Hopefully in a few days."

"I'm so sorry Emily. I know you're tired of hearing it just as much as I'm tired of saying it." was all the blonde could think of to say.

"Don't be sorry," Emily said.

"I'm scared for you Emily-" Alison paused, her voice catching in her throat "I feel so useless. I can't do anything."

Emily half smiled as her lip quivered, "You are doing it right now. You're here. That's all I need from you. Just be here for me." She said, pressing her hand against the glass barrier wanting so badly to touch the blonde across from her to reassure her but the barrier between prevented it.

Alison stifles a sob pressing her hand to the glass mirroring Emily's. "I will I promise"

"I-I love you Ali"

Before Alison could respond a guard entered on Emily's side of the barrier "Times up Fields."

Emily peered over her shoulder at Alison as she left with the guard. Her eyes are misty.

Tears stung Alison's eyes.

Please keep her safe. She is everything to me. I know we have done terrible and unspeakable things but she's paying for it now. Please, please keep her safe and bring her back to me. She pleaded quietly to herself as she stood up to leave.

~:~

A few days had passed, it was evening and Aria and Hanna were staying at Alison's keeping her company. It had been rough.

"Ali, sweetie, I brought you some dinner. Mac & cheese with toast and my famous herbal tea." Aria whispered entering the room with a tray in hand. The blonde half smiled, wiping the tears from her face. The room was dark. Alison had gone to bed early. It seemed to her friends that's all she wanted to do. Although they were fairly certain she wasn't sleeping at all.

"I know you probably don't feel like eating but I remembered it was your favorite thing when we were younger. I thought it might cheer you up a bit. Silly I know but-"

"Thank you Aria," Alison said, moving swiftly off the bed to hug her friend. Alison's stomach growled loudly as they parted. Aria couldn't help but notice the bags and dark circles under the blonde's eyes. "I am a bit hungry."

"Emily's going to come out of this. You'll see. If you need anything else Hanna and I are just downstairs ok?".

Alison nodded, she was indeed hungry but not hungry enough to devour it. Taking a piece of toast and dipping it into the mac and cheese she took a bite. Immediately placing it back on the plate when Aria Aria had left.

"Ali! Aria! Get down here quick!" came Hanna's voice from downstairs, making her jump almost knocking over the cup of tea.

The panic in her voice had her rush down the stairs a few steps behind Aria. "Hanna! What is it?" Aria called as they reached the first floor. The front door was wide open. Alison could see Hanna on the front porch "Look!" She said, a broad smile on her face. Following Hanna's line of sight up the road Emily was stepping out of the passenger seat of a car, Mrs Hastings was getting out of the driver's seat.

Emily had been granted bail on the conditions that she remain on house arrest, didn't drive and could only leave the house to attend AA meetings, community service and counseling sessions with Dr Sullivan. Veronica had put forth these suggestions to the judge and Emily was happy to do so if it meant being at home again with Alison whilst waiting for the trial date.

"What's going on?" Aria asked Hanna

Alison beside her didn't waste a second before rushing out the door into Emily's arms. Squeezing her so tight the brunette felt like she couldn't breathe. She didn't care. Squeezing Ali back with equal pressure burying her face in the blonde's shoulder.

"Are you ok?" The blonde said into Emily's neck.

"I am now. I missed you." her lips finding Alison in a hungry kiss.

Entering the house they all sat down at the kitchen table. Alison's meal upstairs lay forgotten.

Upon sitting down with the coffee pot that Aria had brewed, Mrs Hastings looked to Emily who was pouring her own cup.

"Now Emily I need to make it quite plain that your bail conditions are in place until the trial. So no leaving the house-for any reason other than your AA meetings and therapy sessions with Dr Sullivan. No driving. Strictly no drugs or alcohol. Also do not attempt to remove your ankle bracelet. If you do breach any of these conditions your bail will be overturned. Do you understand?"

Emily nodded "Yes."

Then Mrs Hastings turned her attention to Alison "You might also benefit if you follow these rules too but I'll leave that up to you."

As the legal process unfolded, they began to heal in ways they never imagined. The therapy sessions became a sanctuary, a place where they could confront their guilt and work towards forgiveness. They realized that while they couldn't undo the past, they could strive to become better people and make a positive impact in memory of those they had harmed.

The journey towards redemption was not without its challenges. They faced setbacks, relapses, and moments of self-doubt. But with each hurdle, their bond strengthened. They leaned on each other for support, finding solace in their shared pain and a shared desire to make things right.

In the midst of their struggle, a surprising twist of fate brought them an opportunity to make a difference. They became advocates for drunk driving awareness, sharing their story to educate others about the dangers of reckless behavior.

~:~

"So last we spoke you both had joined Alcoholics Anonymous. How's that going for you both?" Dr Sullivan asked.

"I think it's really helping us stay on track to change." Emily said, squeezing Alison's hand beside, Alison smiled at her nodding in agreement.

"The day Emily came home I went looking for any bottles to throw them away but realised I'd already done that after I found out Emily was turning herself in. It's been hard but we are in this together. I think sharing our story in AA has been therapeutic for us and is helping others face their own mistakes too."

Dr Sullivan smiled taking down some notes in her book "I'm glad to hear that. So what's next for you? Where do you go from here?"

The trial. That was the next thing.

Emily shifted uncomfortably, truth be told she wasn't sure. In fact she was downright terrified of what the future held but she would wear it whatever happened as long as she had Alison in her corner she'd be alright. "Well, the trial is coming up soon. I'm scared but I'm ready to accept my fate whatever it may be,"

Alison though teary eyed, beamed proudly at her girlfriend. She wanted to say something in support and agree but her stomach had been in constant knots as the day of the trial loomed ever closer each day. She remained quiet. Dr Sullivan glanced at her but remained focused on Emily "Well, keep it up. One day at a time."

Their journey from perpetrators to advocates in AA meetings inspired other members, and they found purpose in helping others avoid the mistakes they had made.

~:~

A few more days passed and the trial date had finally come round…

"Jury, have you reached a verdict?" the judge asked.

Mrs Hastings pulled Emily with her to a standing position. The courtroom was silent, the only sound in Emily's ears was her own heartbeat. Her mind wanted to escape to the night she had turned herself in. To the events before that. Alison, beautiful, naked and in her arms again. The tender way her hands had explored her body. The scent of her lingering perfume, the soft moans that escaped her own mouth as Alison's fingers pleasured her, leaving love bites to her neck but she forced herself to stay in the present moment. Standing there beside Mrs Hastings waiting. Digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands.

A jury member at the end of the bench stood up, a sharp and tall looking man, his face stoic.

"We have your honor,".

Emily swallowed, the large lump in her throat not even budging. She wanted to turn around and find Alison but she couldn't.

"We find the defendant guilty on all counts."

Emily heard a woman behind her scream, almost blood curdling. She was sure it was Alison.

The brunette's knees felt weak. She had prepared herself for this moment-or so she thought. Breaking down in tears as she was immediately handcuffed. Turning around her eyes found her friends, Hanna, Aria, Spencer doing their best to comfort her girlfriend. Alison was inconsolable, her face red, crying. Toby and Caleb seated a row behind not knowing what they should do.