Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Just over a month before final exams, standing at the edge of the Genius Agency roof on the coldest night of the recently ushered-in New Year, the heroes Deku and Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight had a clash of ideals. The two interns soon turned to one, as Deku stood silently above the city for hours into the night.

That day, January 25th, Izuku and Katsuki had their first fight. That day Izuku almost lost everything, and that wasn’t even the worst part.

The worst part was that he was absolutely certain he was right, and wouldn’t be swayed for a second even if it meant choosing to not pursue his dream.

January was long gone though, and February was already well under way. Everybody’s life was hell while they prepared for finals and finished the last round of assignments, so there was hardly time to hang out beyond joint studying sessions and meals together. The situation made it far more convenient for him and Katsuki to avoid each other, and all the more difficult for their friends to figure out what was going on between them. Izuku refused to give Ochako more than the fact they fought, and the rest seemed content to let the matter run its course, far too busy with their own lives and workloads to bother.

Izuku wouldn’t lie to himself and pretend that not talking to his boyfriend was just nothing to him. He was gutted every time their eyes met. Of course he wanted to just pull Katsuki back in the middle of class and kiss away that look of perpetual melancholy he directed at Izuku. A look that had been fixed on him whenever Katsuki thought he wasn’t looking, ever since he’d left Izuku alone on Best Jeanist’s roof. Izuku knew as well as everyone that any problem they had could be solved in an instant, and someday this would all just feel like ancient history.

This was too important to gloss over, though. If Katsuki couldn’t see Izuku’s side, and more importantly take it, then…

He said it himself, didn’t he?

“I don’t know if we can be hero partners, Katsuki.”

Izuku said he was right, not that he felt good about what he said.

And he was, no matter how much he hated himself for it.

So he spent most free time doing what he was currently doing. Holed up in his room studying, or training alone or with anybody that wasn’t his boyfriend and training partner of choice for over a year in a row now. He was doing the former at the moment, hunched over an English textbook at his desk. Since there were a few days until Valentine’s, Present Mic included poetry in their curriculum, meaning Izuku had to read some famous poems written by “Romantics”. So, in his predicament, torture.

It was a miracle of restraint unlike any in history how he studied that lovey-dovey crap for two whole hours without going next door to solve all his problems. The words he was reading barely scratched the surface for how he felt about Katsuki, but they were still scratching nonetheless. Scratching an itch that would only get worse if left unattended any longer. 

Deciding he needed some air, Izuku silently slid the door open and stepped out onto his balcony an hour before midnight. And just standing there looking up at the stars helped him free his mind a little, but it certainly didn’t fix anything. Just as tears began to well up and he sniffled, a voice came from his right.

“Izuku?”

Under usual circumstances, he would’ve jumped back in surprise screaming “WAH-cchan!”. Now though, he could barely bring himself to meet the eyes of the man he loved, and he hadn’t quite settled on why that was yet. He felt pretty dumb for not turning to the side to see if he was alone or not, but Kacchan rarely made it past 10:00 at the latest so the thought never crossed his mind.

As neither of them had divulged to anyone in 2-A or beyond what happened that night, Izuku hadn’t had the opportunity to properly work through what was said beyond his own biased thoughts. And he wasn’t about to bring this to All Might and make him mend their relationship again after the hell of their first year. But a lot was said by both of them that wouldn’t, couldn’t and shouldn’t be taken back.

But if they didn’t solve this conflict, Izuku was certain that one way or another the happiest time of his life would be over. Maybe for good.

***

The threat was one of the greatest Japan had seen since the war, and its source was the centre of Tokyo. Coordinated evacuation efforts were already underway in a five block radius by local heroes. 

The incident was caused entirely by one man, an unnamed villain of immense power. Beneath a golden cowl and cape, he wore long-sleeved black, gold-trimmed robes and held a golden staff in his right hand. For all intents and purposes, he was a wizard, and his quirk did nothing to dispel this notion.

His attack began with weather manipulation, which was dangerous enough on its own in the wrong hands. Things quickly escalated when he used magnetic force to bend the streetlights. When a hero first tries facing him, they are transformed into a Macaque. It was unknown just how permanent his quirk might be.

That concluded his and Izuku’s briefing from Best Jeanist as they made their way to the villain. No motives or crimes beyond minor destruction. Just an old dude with a crazy quirk causing chaos.

“We’re the real deal now, Deku,” he scolded the nerd upon arriving at the scene. “Stop getting excited by villains like some extra.”

“But he’s so cool,” Izuku insisted like the child he was. “Come on, Kacchan. It’s not like he’s killing anybody.”

Best Jeanist was sent flying backwards and landed in between them, wrapped in his own threads. At the first sight of blood on his mentor, and Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight launched into battle with a burning vengeance.

“Die, bastard!” Flying with explosions from his feet, he raised his left hand and blew up the dumb wizard's face before he could turn. Right before the impact hit, the geezer finished whispering some gibberish and he was frozen in the air, unable to move out of the mid-attack pose.

He tried yelling at him, but he couldn’t move his mouth either. Couldn’t warn the nerd that the quirk’s source was the wizard’s voice. Katsuki could only listen as Deku called out to him and watch the green flash past him. It was all in vain of course, as not even One For All could surpass this quirk. Definitely not in Izuku’s hands at 5%, that was for sure.

In about a minute, this villain took down the number one hero and his two interns that defeated All For One. If all three of them were rendered powerless so easily, who could win without a specific quirk targeting speech? This was true powerlessness, filling him with a paranoia he hadn’t felt since the last time he was unwillingly suspended in the air. That ended with the tossing aside of his lifeless corpse at the hands of a villain intent on causing the apocalypse. There was no telling what intents this villain could fulfill with this quirk, but they couldn’t let someone else cause that much destruction after just recovering from the war. 

If he could just get out of this bullshit spell, then maybe-

“Argh!”

At the sound of Izuku in pain, the spell holding him broke and he collapsed to the ground. One look at the wizard told him that he was preparing something big and must’ve released him as a result. One glance at Izuku crumpled against a concrete wall, breathing ragged and blood streaming down his face, and he flew without hesitation until his left hand circled around the wizard’s wrinkled throat. Magical voice muted, Katsuki slammed him into the ground using explosive force, his brain shut off to the outside world. Even while the villain was down, Katsuki still shot a blast before gagging him and sprinting towards his unconscious boyfriend. Best Jeanist was soon at his side, and it appeared as though the rest of the villain's quirk effects had reversed. The first responder was no longer a monkey, and even the streetlights had straightened out.

Izuku didn’t wake up for a whole day.

***

“Hi.”

Even now he can’t look me in the eyes.

“Why’re you up so late, Kacchan?”

After these past two weeks, more tortuous than any battle or injury, nothing more healing existed in the world than hearing that damn nickname out of Izuku’s mouth. 

“I don’t know if we can be hero partners, Katsuki.”

That blow left him longing for the touch of Decay to dull the pain.

As soon as he’d heard those words, Katsuki had returned home and laid awake in his childhood bed playing it back over and over. More than anything, he realized his mistakes. And he was willing to do anything within or beyond his reach to mend things between them.

But he wouldn’t say that he’s wrong. Izuku had no right to try and impose that on him, no matter how much they loved one another. Katsuki only does things he wants to do, especially when it comes to hero work.

And especially when it comes to keeping Izuku alive.

“Lot on my mind,” he finally answered, turning back to the view Izuku was so fascinated with. He’d been trying to watch it himself for a few minutes until Izuku came outside, only having noticed him when he started the waterworks. 

“Same.”

Izuku didn’t sound anywhere close to tears anymore. Just that same coolness that had been directed his way since last damn month. A tone Izuku seemingly prepared exclusively for him, since he was his usual dorkish ball of sunshine with everyone else. Something definitely sounded different though, like Izuku wasn’t trying to be rid of his presence as soon as possible. 

And he was calling him Kacchan again. That was one of Katsuki’s top priorities when planning this interaction. Now to get Izuku back to Katsuki, get Deku back to Dynamight, and make it as clear as possible why he couldn’t take Izuku’s side as much as he wished he could for resolution’s sake.

“I’ve missed you, ‘Zuku.”

He checked to see if Izuku had turned towards him, and his heart skipped a beat when their eyes met. Izuku didn’t need to say it out loud for him to know their love was still unshakeable.

“We saw each other every day.”

Katsuki snorted. “Don’t give me that crap. You know what I meant, damn nerd.”

Izuku laughed, and any positive sound out of him was a step in the right direction. 

“I missed you too, Kacchan.”

As warm as he felt on the inside, the winter cold was starting to get to him after all this time. And the distance between their balconies felt like a good thing to get rid of, symbolically and shit.

“Wanna come to mine?”

Izuku quickly jumped the railing, the five stories below irrelevant to him, and Katsuki shivered while shutting the door behind the both of them. He let Izuku take the bed, and sat on the chair across from him. In the back of his mind he wondered why all of their biggest conversations had to happen past his bedtime, while he swallowed down a yawn and pulled himself together. 

“I still won’t accept it,” Izuku began, jumping right into things apparently. “It goes against everything I stand for as a hero.”

“Don’t then,” Katsuki told him bluntly. “I know it does. It’s why I never intended for you to know about it.”

“And how did you plan on hiding it when we’ll be fighting together forever?”

Izuku clearly didn’t like that answer, but he wasn’t putting up walls either. Katsuki wouldn’t be anything but completely honest in this conversation, even if he knew all the words that could get him what he wanted. Even if his truth kept him from everything he ever wanted.

“How can you be so… unbothered by it, Kacchan?”

Once again, just like that night, Izuku’s questions were charged with implications. And yeah, they hurt like hell, but he knew that their long history together didn’t do anything to dismay the things Izuku thought about him. But he’d matured a lot after two years at the best hero school and two months fighting and winning a war, and that included how he felt about villains. 

“I’m not a fucking psychopath, ‘Zuku. I never said I liked it. But if you're going to ask a child veteran who returned from the dead how he can be comfortable around death, I don't know what to tell you. And if you’re going to accuse me of something, don’t drag it out again.”

Izuku wasn’t swayed. Katsuki could see it in his eyes that he was sincerely trying though, a welcome change from the fight when the wound was still fresh. In return, he'd be more patient knowing just how seriously his partner took this matter. 

After all, Izuku's firm stance on this dilemma nearly destroyed Japan.

“I’m not accusing you of anything that didn’t happen. That boy died because of your attack.”

***

“Good evening, Hero Deku.”

Well this was quite a familiar sight, wasn’t it?

“What day is it?” He hoped he hadn’t missed the last day of his internship. Because if he missed it, that almost certainly meant that Kacchan had missed it looking after him, and he’d been so excited to work under Best Jeanist together. He’d hate to ruin that over some encounter with a villain.

“January 25th,” she said, voice unwaveringly cheerful despite the bad news she brought.

Great. He ruined Kacchan’s last day. 

“And, uh, what happened exactly?”

“You were brought in last night. The villain took all of you out, but then Dynamight swooped in and took care of it in one move. No serious injuries on you, so your unconscious state likely had to do with the villain’s quirk somehow inducing sleep even beyond his death.”

“Oh, oka-”

What?

“Death?”

Her cheer was reduced, but the ghost of a smile remained as she informed him that the villain died on the way to the hospital. Izuku would place him in his late 70s to early 80s judging by the short look he’d gotten up close, and his mind began to wander to some very dark places relating to his boyfriend and hero partner.

Kacchan didn’t…

Izuku didn’t ask. This wasn’t something he wanted to hear from the nurse’s mouth, and she likely had other places to be. She soon bade him farewell after asking some questions, promising him that a doctor would come soon and have him cleared.

“In the meantime, you have a visitor,” she said before leaving, and her place in the doorway was soon filled by his Kacchan.

"I heard that recap of yours, lady. It's Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, don't screw it up again." She nodded before rushing away, and Izuku swallowed as his boyfriend walked to his side and sat at the foot of his bed, a scarred right hand lightly caressing his calf. 

“How’re you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” he said, too quickly. He didn’t give Kacchan time to question it though.

“Did you kill him, Kacchan?”

Kacchan’s hand fell from his leg. Izuku watched his face intently, searching for an answer before he spoke. Kacchan’s expression was dead serious when he answered. 

Kacchan didn-

“I stopped him. He died because of it.”

Izuku’s heart shattered.

“Are you okay?”

Kacchan frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be? I stopped a potential catastrophe saving who knows how many people and you’re recovered from what were only minor injuries. I’ve never been better.”

Did he not care at all?

“What?”

Izuku put on a smile. “Nothing. I probably need to head back to the agency tonight don’t I?”

Katsuki didn’t comment on the change in subject despite visibly recognizing it. “I’ll walk you over. Was thinking we could go out somewhere in the city if you’re up to it, before heading back home.”

He’d always figured that “DIE” was a figure of speech. An empty threat to strike fear in his opponents. 

Most of all, he thought Katsuki had changed since then.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Maybe he could just forget about this over time. It was really the villains fault, using such a powerful quirk yet being such a frail old man. Izuku would’ve beaten him when he’d attacked if he didn’t hesitate at the sight of someone so old and frail-looking. Maybe if he hadn’t hesitated, they could’ve taken him safely into custody. 

Maybe it was just his fault. He could certainly live with that.

But that old man would still be dead.

The doctor came in then, and Izuku was alone until he was given the all clear. He walked out of the hospital with Katsuki minutes later in a change of clothes, and they made their way to Genius Agency in uncomfortable silence. Izuku couldn't bring himself to hold hands, the cold providing a convenient excuse to hide them in his jacket pockets. Upon arriving, they were directed to Jeanist’s office for a debriefing on last night’s events. Izuku could see his boyfriend’s hesitance, and the sinking feeling in his stomach told Izuku he wasn’t going to like what he’d hear. 

But he needed to hear it no matter what. If he couldn’t make sense of this, he feared where this partnership was headed.

Nothing could’ve prepared him for what Best Jeanist had to tell them, though the dark look they were met with was warning enough.

“We’ve identified the vil… attacker from last night. His name was Masaki Hoshiga. No criminal record of any kind. What was found upon DNA analysis was difficult to believe at first, but the police have recently made contact with his parents and confirmed it.”

“Parents?” 

Izuku remained silent, his eyes glossing over. Best Jeanist was trying to soften a blow, or at least attempting to give them all the facts before whatever he was withholding eventually came out.

“Yes. His quirk was a genetic mutation, called Imaginarrate. If he speaks in reverse, whatever he said would manifest." Jeanist took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before pressing on, hiding any expression from the two of them. "While Hoshiga's quirk was powerful, its use seemingly drained his life, resulting in accelerated aging. After searching his room, their current theory is that this incident was an act of suicide after overusing his quirk without restraint.”

“How old was he?”

Both heads turned to him, but his eyes remained fixed on the number one hero, whose high denim collar only exposed two eyes filled with deepest shame. This was more severe than he could've ever imagined. He was too afraid to look at Katsuki. Izuku didn't know what reaction he should expect to see anymore, learning just how severely they'd transgressed.

“Sixteen.”

Chapter Text

Katsuki was a little shocked by the way Izuku was reacting to this, but he knew just how sensitive the nerd got when it came to death. He remembered the months where he couldn’t even say a word about his own death without him breaking down and getting clingy with Blackwhip. But from summer up to now was the greatest few months of his life yet which he could only see getting better, and they owed that to the moment they finally talked their shit out.

So best to get this outta the way before Izuku starts getting too worked up about it. He was already brooding on the rooftop for fuck’s sake, and here he’d been hoping for a last minute date night after sitting in the hospital all day. Of course, he realized that it wasn’t going to happen as soon as they walked into that briefing.

“You good?”

Izuku didn’t budge.

“Fine.”

He might be a little more fucked than he’d previously imagined. It would be okay if he was crying and mourning, but this was not only something different but something targeted directly at him. 

“I’d think you’d stop using that word knowing I know it’s bullshit.”

Izuku wouldn’t turn around.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Fucking hell, did he really have to say it?

“I’m sorry that kid died, ‘Zuku. It’s fucked up that any of that had to happen.”

Izuku didn’t respond for a long time, and he took a few hesitant steps towards him before Izuku finally turned around, and he once again wished that Izuku was crying, because it made absolutely no sense to him why Izuku would be mad at him right now. As if he didn’t just hear the old man villain who took out him, his boyfriend with One For All, and the number one hero in less than a minute was some suicidal boy a year younger than them. Obviously he would’ve proceeded differently if he’d known. 

But that was a fantasy. And Izuku getting angry at him over something that was impossible to know in the brief moment the attack took place was bullshit.

“You’re right. It’s really fucked up.”

Katsuki was a little fed up with the cagey act.

“I don’t know what to say,” he echoed, unable to withhold his attitude. If Izuku was going to blow up, he wouldn’t hesitate to push him over the edge. Katsuki really didn’t need this after getting no sleep at the fucker’s bedside unsure when and if he’d wake up. “I’m serious, Izuku. Tell me what you want me to say that will make you stop acting like a child.”

Katsuki didn’t like the harsh sound that came out of Izuku’s mouth, refusing to call it a laugh even though that’s exactly what it was. Cold, mirthless laughter.

“A child, he says.”

Yeah, that crossed a line. 

“You better tell me how you really feel, or I’m gonna punch you in the face you asshat.”

“Because violence has always solved everything, hasn’t it Kacchan?”

His immediate retort caught in his throat. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Izuku wasn’t himself. That alone was all that braced Katsuki for his response.

“Would’ve been better if he’d just swan-dived off a roof, right?”

He knew he couldn’t lose control, even though Izuku was trying to get a rise out of him. Katsuki had to take whatever this punishment was if he was going to get to the bottom of it. That didn’t make it any less painful having this be the first time Izuku decided to hold their past against him. Weaponizing what tormented Katsuki in the back of his mind every time he thought about how lucky he was to love him.

Katsuki would almost prefer that to be what Izuku was mad about, because at least that would make sense.

“I’m not gonna stand around and take shit from you. Last time I ask: what’s your fucking problem implying I’m some kinda kid murderer.”

“I’m not mad about his age, Katsuki!”

That shut him up immediately. At least the dumbass finally said something worth hearing.

“It doesn’t matter if he was sixteen or thirty or even eighty. Every villain has a story that brought them to where they are, so you can’t just go killing them as soon as the fight starts. What if we could’ve saved him?”

Katsuki bit his tongue, no matter how quickly he came up with insults over how ignorant and naive Izuku was being. Who knew that being the leader of one side of a war at sixteen could do nothing for someone’s maturity? Well, Katsuki certainly did. After Izuku still held back against the guy who murdered him and even gave up One For All before he’d kill Shigaraki, which every single member of their team on the floating U.A. had been ready to do. Even the ditzy blue-haired chick for fuck’s sake.

“Well you couldn’t do shit ‘cause he took you out just as easy as he beat the top pro in the country. And I only got free because he was preparing a huge attack that would kill how many civilians? You wanna argue hypotheticals, then how about how many people die because you wanna put another saved soul under your belt? Maybe I was pissed off when I did it, but I wasn’t attacking with the intent to kill him. I don’t try to fucking kill people, Izuku. I didn’t have the time to find any intent beyond winning. His old body just couldn’t take it unfortunately.”

“You can’t just brush off killing someone! It’s not right, period. I won’t debate that.”

Brush off… who the hell did Izuku think Katsuki was? 

“Good. You’re entitled to your views and I’m entitled to mine. Save to win and win to save. We’ve always had our own ideals, Deku.”

If only it were that easy, as he’d been led to believe up until this point. As Izuku had led him to believe after having had thousands of opportunities to bring this up yet never did.

“If that’s what you think, I don’t know if we can be hero partners, Katsuki.”

***

From the minute he stepped onto that roof, Izuku knew they wouldn’t be leaving it together. He’d done what little he could to delay their confrontation, but part of him hadn’t wanted to. Some monstrous part of him wanted to make his boyfriend hurt, and just did so to perfection. Hitting every single weak point he could muster through the emotional flurry inside him, until reaching that point of no return.

Their partnership, played like a card and treated as equally disposable.

Something snapped Izuku back to himself. Out of whatever trance his unconscious put him under, causing that defence of his position with such alien ruthlessness. He felt the deepest shame. Whatever just came out terrified him, and he wanted to lock it away forever. But if it was going to save even one life in the future, it’d be worth it. Anything was worth it. Right?

Then he saw the tears in Kacchan’s eyes.

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

No matter what he was feeling, he went too far.

“I’m sorry, Ka-”

“Shut the fuck up.”

Why hadn’t he just kept his mouth shut until later? When his head was clear and he wasn’t reacting fresh after waking up in the hospital. What purpose was there to be so hurtful towards Kacchan? He was acting like… well, he was acting like Kacchan did a lifetime ago. And Kacchan…

Kacchan was mad.

“You wanna keep pushing, well here it is! Do I have to spell out, Deku? I was trying to hurt him! No fucking shit, it was a damn villain. And you wanna call me a murderer, you’re a year too late because last Spring I murdered a baby with a smile on my face! Was I supposed to hear All For One’s life story before I did that? Or should I have given up my quirk before killing him like you did Shigaraki? You decided to become my partner after all that shit, so tell me what the fuck has changed! And they found no trace of Nine on Nabu Island, so I guess we both killed a guy over a year ago? Didn’t hear his story either ‘cause he was too busy hunting children, so I guess we’re shitty heroes that should quit. And how about your idol All Might? I’ll bet on our partnership, seeing how little fucking meaning it has, that he’s killed more villains than he can count. You go up to Toshi and tell him this same bullshit, and watch him treat you like the dumbass fucking child you’re been since the hospital.”

Izuku had no response. He understood what Kacchan was trying to say, but his stance was still the same. It wouldn’t be a part of his agency. Maybe he should just quit, and become a teacher or an analyst or something. If he felt this strongly, maybe he shouldn’t use something as dangerous as One For All against others. Especially if he was going to be fighting alongside Kacchan, who made Izuku lose restraint whenever any harm, physical or verbal, was done to him.

Now Izuku was the one causing him harm. The man he loved, brought to tears by his words. 

“It’s not about ideals. If we have that power, then so do the thousands of others in our field. I know you know that’s wrong-”

“THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE WE FIGHTING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!?”

His mouth opened in surprise, before closing without a word. Izuku stood in stunned silence, and watched helplessly as his boyfriend stormed off the roof. Izuku watched his back as he walked, as shoulders tense with anger fell limp to his sides with anguish. Upon reaching the door, Kacchan looked back over his shoulder, fixing him with a look of pure melancholy.

“I’m not gonna feel bad for beating an asshole who hurt you, Izuku, no matter what happened to him.”

***

“I know he died, dammit. And I obviously feel like a monster after learning he was a kid, but you heard Jeanist. He was trying to go out with a bang. I was just winning to save who knows how many people. Maybe I was a little more aggressive after what he did to you, but I only wanted to stop him. If you want me to feel the remorse a killer would here, or be depressed for months like you were after not even killing Shigaraki, that’s not gonna happen.”

“That’s not…” It sort of was, really. But he still couldn’t accept it. “We can’t just take lives because it’s our job, though. You know that’s wrong, right?”

Izuku didn’t want to hurt Kacchan’s feelings, but he really needed to hear a few things directly no matter what feelings were hurt. These were the questions that arose after their fight that kept him from talking to Kacchan. Too scared to hear the truth lest it ruin something forever.

“No shit it’s wrong. But there are always gonna be those like this kid, with quirks getting crazier with every generation, who are too powerful to be stopped before they fuck everything up. Sometimes we have to make shitty choices, and do really shitty things. And if I’m a killer for what I did that night, I’m just as much one for what I did to All For One. ”

Izuku remembered the rest, but he was glad that Kacchan decided to not repeat it. Clearly his regrets over their fight were mutual.

“But that was war. I know that it was acceptable for everyone back then and I could accept that without believing in it. But I can’t let that be a part of my agency, Kacchan. You can’t justify it so easily if you’re going to be my partner. You can’t justify it at all.”

Kacchan leaned back in the desk chair, his eye contact never wavering as he considered the proposition. “I’ll do that for you.”

“For me?”

He nodded. “No problem. Unless it’s to stop the end of the world, I will never kill anyone. I’m just as much a hero as you, Izuku. I don’t really try to kill villains anyway and I rarely have to go all out on the losers we fight. If we’re partners, you’ve got nothing to worry about”

Izuku didn’t know what to say except apologize for starting their fight in the first place. It sounded like he had nothing to worry about, and if he just kept his anger in check they wouldn’t have spent two weeks not saying a word to each other.

But Kacchan still hadn’t answered his question.

“What do you mean by ‘for me’?”

He remembered what Kacchan said that night which had really set him off. He remembered the reason Kacchan wound up killing someone without hesitating. That was the thing he couldn’t accept, and which Kacchan wouldn’t back down on.

“It means I’ll have zero issue doing that with you by my side. No killing, period.”

“And if I’m not?”

Kacchan raised an eyebrow, questioning his imaginary scenario.

“We’ll be together forever, no?”

“Of course we will,” Izuku replied immediately, not doubting it for a second. Not even this fight and their two week break from speaking could make him doubt the depth of their bond after thirteen years together. “But this isn’t exactly a safe job, Kacchan. What if I die?”

“I’ll quit.”

“And if I’m killed?”

Katsuki’s eyes darkened, yet the voice that responded was as tranquil as could be.

“Well, ‘Zuku, that’d be the end of my world. Only death would stop me.”

Izuku looked down at his hands, fidgeting between his legs since the conversation began. As much as he wished to renounce it, he wasn’t that much of a hypocrite. Because even deeper within than how he felt about the sanctity of life was the memory of Kacchan’s dead body. And with that, the memory of his own murderous intent.

Intents only dispelled upon hearing that Kacchan might still live.

Intents he knew would come rushing back if his eyes fell on that dreadful sight of Kacchan dead ever again, only tenfold with the love they now shared.

Had Izuku been wrong the entire time, then? Did he cause a fight over nothing?

“Yeah, you did,” Kacchan told him, and he realized he’d started muttering his thoughts out loud by the end. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about this? You could’ve told me normally how important this is to you. I genuinely had no fucking clue, Izuku.”

It was then, of course, that Izuku broke down into tears. This really was all his fault. And he didn’t deserve to have Kacchan shoot to his feet and wrap him in a hug within seconds, nor did he deserve the feeling of completion he felt touching him after two weeks apart. Because he’d put everything on the line over nothing.

All the horrible things he’d said… How many times had he called Kacchan a murderer? Called into question the good of the greatest hero Izuku had ever met? 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed, burying his face into Kacchan’s chest as he was pulled in closer. This was really all for nothing, wasn’t it? Two weeks of torture when they were still on the same page about everything as they’d always been. Of course Kacchan didn’t want to kill villains. Of course it was just an accident in the heat of the moment. Yes, he was on the right side of their argument, but it was only an argument because he alone turned it into one.

He really was a fucking idiot.

“I’ll never do that again,” he promised, pulling back to look into Kacchan’s eyes. Those red eyes that only looked happy to have Izuku back. What had he done to deserve any of this?

“Do what, nerd?”

“Hurt you. Fight with you. This was all my fault, and I accomplished nothing.”

Izuku was still looking straight into his eyes, making it odd when Kacchan’s hand reached up to his jaw, his thumb pressing lightly against his chin. Izuku wondered if he was about to kiss him, and he wouldn’t have minded at all, but Kacchan just shook his head with a smile.

“You don’t have to apologize. For any of it.”

He didn’t even warrant that with a response, just allowing his face to express the disbelief they were both feeling after that load of crap. For some reason, it seemed like Kacchann wasn’t just trying to make him feel better though.

“I want you to talk to me if something’s bothering you like that. Trust me since I’m sadly the fucking best at it too, but every time you try to bottle shit it’s only gonna blow up. If it comes down to it, I’d rather you hurt my feelings than hurt us both with bullshit threats. And I’m sure I’ll fuck it up at some point in our future of forever, but I promise to do the same.”

Izuku nodded and made the same promise, but remained unconvinced that none of this had impacted Kacchan beyond hurt feelings. Kacchan noticed this, and his scarred hand moved to cup the right side of his face.

“Wanna know what I’ve thought about these past few days?”

Izuku nodded.

“As much as it fucking sucked, I’m glad that something real happened to us, ‘Zuku. Being with you has felt like a fever dream, but I want more. I want all of you, good and bad and everything else, ‘cause you’re my everything.”

Kacchan was his everything, too. His best friend, his one true love, his greatest rival, his hero partn-

“I’m so sorry I threatened our partnership.”

As much as he wished to, Izuku couldn’t say he hadn’t meant it. He could at least regret it until the end of time, knowing that it’d be impossible for Kacchan to forget how easily he’d said it.

“Don’t sweat it.” The kiss he’d anticipated finally came, and Izuku forgot about it just as Kacchan had intended. Just as Kacchan wanted to as well.

But unknown to Izuku or anyone else from now until forever, Kacchan would never forget the possibility of their partnership ending. Not because of what it made him feel, but what it had led to just a week later.

***

Katsuki hadn’t left his room all weekend, but if that damn Shitty Hair didn’t stop pounding on his door every few hours he just might leave to explode his ass down the hall.

What? If anyone could take it, Eiji could.

He was fucking done with this stupid fucking poetry, though. Mic was gonna pay for pulling this Romantic crap at the worst time.

He should be training. Or studying something actually worthwhile. Not moping over some dumbass who's convinced that Katsuki is some murderer.

To be fair to the nerd, he could cut back on the whole “DIE” schtick. It was not only getting old, but maybe wasn’t the best look in the new era of peace or whatever the fuck All Might loved to say. 

But he didn’t have to be fair in this fight. For the first time, he was the rational one between them. He’d gotten the last word. Katsuki took all his shit and just gave the bastard a reality check. Now if he’d just come over and apologize, Katsuki would kiss the fuck out of him in a second and wouldn’t stop for minutes, suffocation be damned. He certainly knew there were worse ways to go out.

But that was just a fantasy. And in the real world, Katsuki knew Izuku would only be more ticked off after seeing the recent articles published about that kid and the attack.

Of course they agreed with him. He did the right thing in a shitty situation. Izuku would be drowning in his vindication if he didn’t love the bastard, but he was unfortunately head over heels for the fucker. And obviously with his mopey looks at the nerd every single day, all their damn classmates had assumed it was all his fault and none of them had a clue what they were fighting about. Even fucking Aizawa made a comment when he was the last one out the door a couple days ago.

“Are you both okay?”

That was the first and only time he talked about it.

“You saw our big battle, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Am I a murderer?”

Of course Aizawa agreed with him. Everyone fucking would, because he wasn’t the odd one out.

Right?

Sunday afternoon, Jeanist summoned him to the agency to do something related to the battle. Paperwork or some shit. He didn’t really read the whole message, but was more than ready to get the hell out of the dorm and out of Izuku’s presence. As soon as he’d had breakfast, he was out the door and may or may not have used his quirk to fly over the walls in a rush for the train. Katsuki made it to the Genius Agency in Tokyo just after noon.

When he entered Jeanist’s office, he was met with the same grim look from that debriefing. He sat down with a short greeting, and the hero slid a couple of files across the table.

“What’s this?” He opened the first one and found his and Izuku’s records of their work during the internship. He’d be sure to get that to his dumbass boyfriend if he was ever going to talk to him again.

“Thanks.”

“The other one is the incident report. Nobody blames you for what happened of course, but inside you’ll find a drafted apology for the boy’s parents. Because of your involvement, we were wondering if you’d be willing to sign. It’s completely up to you, though.”

He opened it and read along, remaining silent after he was finished.

“Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight?”

He did nothing wrong, right?

Izuku was the crazy one, not him. Right?

“Bakugou?”

With a quick read of the address on the top of the page, Katsuki looked up and slapped the file shut. He wasn’t angry though, not in the least. He tossed it on the desk and got up.

“That all?”

He left as soon as he saw a nod, and Katsuki wasn’t quite sure if what he was about to do was entirely legal, let alone right. They lived so close though, so he followed his gut and was knocking on the door of a run down apartment a few minutes later.

“Hell-oh.”

Mrs. Hoshiga answered the door, and recognized him immediately.  He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but it couldn’t be anything good.

“I know I’m probably the last person you want to see, but I just wanted to tell you in person instead of some official letter by some intern… I’m really sorry. If I’d known-”

The door was slammed in his face.

***

Katsuki was the one to break off their kiss, and snorted at the involuntary noise Izuku made in protest. 

“What, should I keep going?”

Izuku nodded, but as soon as he leaned in again the fucking nerd yawned and Katsuki’s nose wound up in his mouth instead. It was an important reminder for the both of them that it was well past midnight now, and Izuku was absolutely right: it was way too far past his bedtime. 

“Tired?” The question was pointless, since Izuku had already laid down on his bed. He was probably exhausted after all that crying, and there was seemingly nothing left to discuss. He had Izuku back. The nerd understood where he was coming from. Things were perfect. Katsuki could turn off the lights and snuggle up beside him, burying his face in that fluffy green hair again and pulling him as close as Izuku gladly allowed.

“I love you, Kacchan,” Izuku mumbled. “I’ll always love you.”

“Love you too, babe. Goodnight.”

Izuku was soon snoring into his chest, and Katsuki closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep as well. He was fucking exhausted, so it shouldn’t take too long. Especially with his nerd back in his arms. He had everything he wanted.

Katsuki only fell asleep an hour later, to the sound of a door slamming in his head.