Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Muriel likes the beach. Crowley taught them all they needed to know to enjoy the beach and the sea without drowning. So now, they like it. Muriel loves the sand more than the little rocks. So Crowley gave them sand, on Cliff End’s beach.

Crowley likes it too. The feeling on his feet is great. It would have been better with more sun and less wind but they can’t ask more of England… It also means there are fewer people on the beach. They have the whole place for themselves… The vastness, the beautiful coastline and the cliffs. And those bloody gulls who stole Muriel’s crisps. But it’s all right. The experience amazed the Angel.

And they are lying on the sand, peaceful. The sound of the waves in front of them makes them feel good.

“I have questions.” Muriel begins

“I know. That’s why I brought you here.”

“Why?”

“Perfect setting for difficult questions.”

Over the past few weeks, Muriel has asked Crowley, Maggie and Nina many questions. They are happy to answer and show them more than the Angel asked.

And Muriel can’t stop asking questions.

Crowley knew that one day, Muriel would ask a difficult one. And Crowley will have to answer at all costs, because it takes so much courage for an Angel to ask questions.

“A whole section of Heaven was closed after the War. Why? What happened in there?”

Difficult questions indeed. But now Muriel has people to answer to them.

“Don’t you have a guess?” Crowley tenses in reflex

“Is it because everyone who worked here was Fallen?”

“Kind off.”

“But I’ve seen the reports… There were Angels in this sector who played no part in the Rebellion. And yet, they disappeared.”

Crowley sighs. The Demon looks so old right now… As if the weight of eternity on his shoulders has finally taken its toll on his body. Muriel wonders if his body can laugh again.

“I don’t remember everything.” He admits, with a mixture of sadness and fear in his eyes

“I’ve read about the memory wipe as part of the process to make Angels Fall.”

Crowley wonders how Muriel was able to do this, given their low rank.

“I’m not even sure that everything is caused by the memory wipe.”

“What do you mean ?”

“I mean that Falling, burning and drowning aren’t good for your mental health… It could have screwed up my memories. I’m not sure about what happened in that area. I’m sorry. I really want to give you the truth.”

“But I’ve read you…”

“Muriel… Please. Don’t tell me what you’ve learned about the Angel I was.”

“Why ?”

“I’ve been able to get some… Facts… Memories… Thoughts about it… But I may never be able to get back all the memories I’ve got. I can’t remember. There must be a reason. A good one.”

“Do you think remembering can hurt you ?”

“It could. I’m fucked up enough already. I don’t want to play with it.”

“I’m sorry Crowley.”

Crowley doesn’t answer. She doesn’t want Muriel’s pity. In fact, She doesn’t want them to feel sorry. They shouldn’t be. There was nothing to be sorry for. Crowley wanted to do her work, and to do it well. Questions should have been allowed.

“Don’t be. I told you. Ask questions. I may not have the answer but I can tell you what I think about it. If you really want the truth, you’ll have to investigate, and maybe I can give you some hints.”

“Yes! I want to do that!”

“Something has happened in this sector. I’m the last Fallen. But the last Angels who worked there… They didn’t Fall. They have been taken care of by Lucifer.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. But… Lucifer… Satan… Had a very strange time… He wanted something. He couldn’t have it. So he tried everything he could… He tried to take it by force but it didn’t work. I’ve heard rumours… After his Fall, he tried to get that thing again and he couldn’t so he went mad. The Fall didn’t help I guess.”

“What did he want?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember. I think I know but… It’s… It’s like a black hole. It’s there… But you can’t see it. And if you see it, you are dead.”

“Oh…”

“I think something happened in that area and the Archagels were scared… Like… Like it was something that could spread, you know. So they tried their best to stop the infection. And get rid of the infected Angels.”

“But… Why?! Why the reason of all this?!”

“I don’t know. But I can’t help but think that some Angels might have discovered that they can redirect God’s love to something or someone else.”

“But why is that bad ? Why is love so bad and painful?!”

“Because if you take the love that you have to give to God and you give it to someone or something else… Then you start to worship something else. And you start to love yourself in the process, at least a little bit… Enough so you want to love again, to feel it in your body. That gives you free will. And you can’t give an Angel free will. Because the Angel will start to think by itself… Ask questions.”

They remain silent for a while.

“Aziraphale may have answers to give you about that part.”

“I don't think so. He was reprogrammed after the war. I had to fill the form afterwards.”

Reprogrammed.

Crowley can only imagine what that word means.

What have they done to his Angel? Is the Angel he knew before the Fall still alive ? Aziraphale never told him about his life in Heaven. They never spoke. Crowley assumed that his side, as torture fan, was harsh. But Heaven has its way too. Inside the mind. He has already seen what it has done to Aziraphale.

The Demon can’t help but wonder: what else happened to Aziraphale that he doesn’t know? Why did he become the Guardian of the Eastern Gate? Crowley could ask to Muriel. But Aziraphale may not want this information to be spread.

“What is love?” Muriel asks.

Crowley knows that question means something more.

It always means something more.

The smell on Aziraphale that night. When he found him, in that dark alley, on the ground. Drugs. Something Aziraphale couldn’t probably recognise but Crowley became an expert on the subject.

The group of men completely ruined the young man who accompanied Aziraphale that night. The scene would haunt Crowley forever.

The young man, half-naked, being raped.
Aziraphale on the ground, completely out.
Eight men.

They thought that Aziraphale and the young man were a couple. They thought they were in love.

Aziraphale’s friend was in a bad state so Crowley had to call an ambulance, after dealing with his attackers.

Aziraphale wasn’t hurt yet. They took the “prettiest one” first. But the drug locked him in a cage he couldn’t break. So Crowley took him back to the Bookshop, to nurse him close to his beloved books.

It took three month for Aziraphale to be able to speak again. Two more to be able to leave the Bookshop without being terrorised.

The Angel later explained that the young man tried to flirt with him. Aziraphale wasn’t interested but they developed a nice friendship that they both cherished.

It still haunts Crowley. How could anyone hurt a being of love for loving someone ?

“What do you mean ? Be more precise.”

The Demon gives Muriel time to collect their thoughts.

Muriel tries to say something but their face is indecisive. It’s something big. To big for an Angel.

Crowley thinks she understands what Muriel is trying to say but she can’t steal the Angel’s voice.

Muriel tries but something blocks them. A lot of emotions flourish on their face and Crowley wonders if it’s not too much for them. Aziraphale had that kind of problem… But Crowley knows how to read him and what to do to avoid an explosion.

But Muriel… Crowley doesn’t know their breaking point.

After a while, and much tension on Muriel’s face, the Angel decides :

“This is not important.”

Crowley sighs. She can understand why Muriel is backing down.

“Muriel… I’m a Fallen. I’m literally cut off from God’s love. SHE let me drown, SHE let me suffer. What you want to say to me… You can’t shock me, you can’t sound blasphemous to me...”

She lets Muriel try and waits patiently.

“I love God. Truly. But…”

Muriel seems afraid. Terror crosses their eyes for a few seconds.

“You won’t Fall for learning what you are. Look. I’m the Demon here. I won’t get you to Hell.”

“I… I have other feelings much better than love for God.”

The Angel seems astonished at their revelation. Tears fills their eyes and Muriel miracle a tissue to wipe them away.

“You also have stronger feeling. Stronger than love for God. We… I though… What you are living now… It’s so strong. You feel bad but I’m sure you can feel as good as you feel bad. And… I thought… I thought…” Muriel mumbles

Muriel feels something strange in their mind.

The tears are getting stronger.

“I though I… We…”

“How do you feel Muriel?”

She can see that the Angel is living strong emotions. But as long as they can release them, everything will be fine.

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

Crowley places her hand on Muriel’s shoulder, wanting to comfort the Angel, without overwhelming them.

Muriel takes another step and leans into her torso, for a hug.

“Why am I so sad?!” She asks.

“Because you thought your only purpose in life was to love God and to work in Heaven… Now you are discovering that there is so much more to live.”

Muriel miracle a bigger tissue.

Chapter Text

Aziraphale knows she has received more notifications on her desk because she can feel it in her head, like one tiny buzz.

She ends her conversation with the Metatron to get the notifications faster, before another Archangel does.

Scrivener Muriel miracle a tissu.

What is happening ?

Scrivener Muriel miracle a tissu.

Why ?!

She should check on Muriel when she can… She’s sure that Crowley took care of Muriel… The Angel is new to earthly. Crowley would never leave them alone when they don’t know how to cope with Earthy matters…

Aziraphale miracle Muriel’s files to check the Angel still have the miracle clearance she got them, just in case. No one has touched it. It should be good.

Chapter Text

Crowley wonders if Aziraphale, as a Supreme Archangel, recieves miracles notifications from Muriel.

Maybe she could tempt Muriel to prank Aziraphale. She’s a Demon after all. Twart the ennemy’s plan is her job after all… If Muriel wants to do the prank, they could miracle vibrating dildos in Heaven. At least Archangels would have something productive to do.

“Why are we kept in the dark?” Muriel asks

The Bookshop is empty. Crowley has the curious impression that some books are missing but Jim, sorry, THE FUCKING ARCHANGEL GABRIEL, has messed up with the organisation so she can’t be sure.

“I don’t know.”

When she hit the ground that day… Before she was dragged into the sulfur… She saws the light, up.

“I thought I understood that day. God. Heaven. Angels. Hell. Everything. The fucking-inneffable plan. I had time to think during my Fall. I spent half of the time crying and calling our Mother because it hurt so much. SHE didn’t answer. SHE let me burn. SHE wasn’t there in the end. HER light was far, far away from me. SHE’s not a Mother. A true mother won’t do that to her child. SHE isn’t worthy of our praise and our worship.” Crowley finishes in a low voice.

She can’t help but be ashamed. For her words. For being what she is. She wants to cry. Maybe she is. Everything is too blurred.

Crowley shouln’t be ashamed. She should be proud to have survived everything God has thrown at her. She should be proud for living, for trying to carve herself a little bit of something in all that mess.

Oh God she feels so alone.

“Can I hug you?” Muriel asks

They absorbs Crowley’s emotions like a wrecked, starving plant needing water. Everyone needs that hug.

“Y… Yeah...”

After a while:

“What they did to me… SHE let it happen…” Crowley whispers with a strangled voice 

Standing in the middle of the Bookshop, hugging Crowley, Muriel remembers about THAT day. They don’t want to. They never want to come back there again.

“I thought… I didn’t know. I… I thought at first that punishing the rebels was a good idea. I don’t even remember why.’ The Angel begins

Crowley holds Muriel tighter, for both of them.

“Then the War. I knew it was a bad idea. We were ordered to kill…”

Muriel can’t hold an hysterical laugher.

“We had to kill. I was pretty sure that the punishment was far too high.”

Tears add to the hysteria.

“We had to kill. We had to watch the judgments and the Falls. I wanted to pray that they doesn’t catch the last Fallen. I wanted to pray to God to stop it. It was wrong. But I was so afraid that Archangels would hear my prayers. They cut the energy supply and started controlling our miracles. Everything was changing. We thought the Falls would be death. We didn’t know. We thought… We thought Demons were… We thought… I don’t even know because we couldn’t talk to each other anymore… Why ?!”

Crowley can’t answer and hides her tears behind Muriel.

She doesn’t know. She keeps asking herself the same question.

Chapter Text

Muriel wonders.
Could they have their own place? The Bookshop is incredible. But not theirs.
Could they have their own place? Near their friends?

What does it mean having your own place?
The Bookshop is full of Supr… Aziraphale.

Would Muriel’s place be full of Muriel? What would it be like?
They can have a lots of material objects.
They look at their big teddy bear. They were laying on the sofa and hugging the teddy bear that Crowley gave them. It’s like a hug machine. Muriel can get hugs whenever they like, thanks to the cute teddy bear.

You see? Muriel is quite aware that the teddy bear isn’t real. Crowley explained. The knitter gave them a yarn flower which isn’t real either.
But still… The bear is so alive!

Comfort.
What Muriel feels right now is comfort. They still have troubles to find the corrects words explaining their physical and mental state. Thanks someone they live in a Bookshop full of words now.

And they could have their own place full of them. But they don’t know what they are supposed to put in their place. Maybe they could copy Aziraphale. And Crowley. And Nina and Maggie.

Muriel decides they’ll have a comfortable bed for the teddy bear. And maybe another teddy bear so they can do whatever teddies do when Muriel isn’t with them. They won’t be alone.

It still surprise the Angel how physical objects can have consequences on their mind. Some can make their brain happy, some can make their brain sad. It is also still surprising how these objects can have an effect on the sensorial captors of their now physical body. Muriel isn’t use to it. They love to touch and to note what is good and what isn’t. They love the teddy bear texture and soft objects but other more “rough” materials are also very good.
Muriel bought a lot of stuff, miracling money to pay for it. They played human for a while and to be fair, a big part of what they bought seems completely useless. But somehow, it make their body happy. But they also feel like their brain can’t handle the huge amount of information sometime. That’s pretty normal considering they aren’t use to it. Crowley also explains that the world is getting more and more draining for everyone’s brain. So Muriel tries to cool their brain and copy humans because it seems to be less draining… Except when it doesn’t. But they learn so much and fill their life for the first time in a long time.
It’s exhilarating. It’s so different from Heaven!
Oh! Muriel has to put colours everywhere.

Because… They never told anyone but sometime, the world seems to lose its colours. Everything get whiter, like in Heaven.

Muriel doesn’t like it. It’s scary.
Maybe if they put colours everywhere, in a place full of them, Heaven can’t come back here. 
Except…
They are supposed to keep the Bookshop, as it was ordered by Metatron. They don’t really know what they are supposed to do inside that order. Guard the Bookshop against who ? Demons ? Well… One Demon already lives there, pretending not to, and other Demons can’t get in there without being invited. The other problem were humans wanted to buy the place but Crowley took care of that point, and gave them enough nightmares for the rest of their lives. And the ward against Demons-not-Crowley can be extended to humans-not-Maggie-Nina, as well. Probably.

Except…
Can they really go away? Like Jim-Gabriel and Beelzebub?
Will Metatron get back to Muriel like he did to Aziraphale? Will they be forced to come back to Heaven where nothing exist?

Chapter Text

Aziraphale doesn’t remember the name the Angel wanted to have. The Angel doesn’t remember either.
Everything fades so quickly in Heaven.
Except the little routine they have. Since the first time Aziraphale preened this Angel wings, he has returned again and again to take care of it.

The low ranked Angel doesn’t admit it but she’s been waiting for this moment. It’s become her light in Heaven’s tunnel.

And they talk.
And they don’t talk. What they don’t say screams more than what they say.

This Angel is the closest of what Aziraphale can call a friend. Except you can’t have friends in Heaven. Soon, they will be discovered. But they can’t stop. Or else…

“I can preen your wings.” The Angel offers, for the first time »

She would have been ashamed to make this suggestion but she feels like she can do anything she wants next to the Supreme Archangel. It’s a new feeling. She wants to drown in it.

“No thanks. I already did them.” Aziraphale answers

The Angel can’t hide his deception. The Supreme Archangel gives. She wants to give as well. She needs it.

Aziraphale can’t hide how ashamed he is. 
Another akward silence. They know they are dancing on the brink of destruction. 
If they say the wrong word, they Fall. They know it.
But…
Aziraphale promised himself to give. It was the only way. Give to the Angels. No one give them. Make them feel alive. And hope that they would fight for more.

“I must confess… I…” Aziraphale begins

The other Angel feels fascinated by the vulnerability Aziraphale shows. No one has done that in front of her. No one was alive in front of her.

“I… I attacked my left wing.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like what you do to your wrists.”

The other Angel is shocked. Someone else is doing this. She’s not alone. Her eyes are watery.

“Life in Heaven is difficult, I’m afraid.”

The other can’t agree verbally. She’s afraid to Fall. Aziraphale’s confession is dangerous. But it’s drug running into his veins.

“ I just want to feel something.” Aziraphale whispers
“Me too.” The Angel, on the verge of hysteria 

Because there is nothing here. And sometimes (often) Aziraphale is afraid of disappearing. And that drives him mad. He has to feel something. He needs a physical proof that he exists.

“I’m not afraid of your wings. Maybe it’ll help you feel something else.”
“Thanks you.”

Silence.

The Angel desperately needs to know if there is more. Aziraphale gives. Does more exist ?
“How is life on Earth?”
“Alive.” Aziraphale answers, tears stuck in his throat 

And everything is left unsaid.

It’s alive.
They want. They need.

But they can’t.

Chapter Text

Crowley was able to catch the young trans man who had been so anxiously awaiting Aziraphale’s return. The young man acted like a prey but Crowley knows a lot about prey and was able to pretend to be harmless…

She learns few things :

• the man is 17

• he’s a trans man still in the closet

• his family is horrible to him and he can’t out himself, because it’s too dangerous for him

• Aziraphale assessed the situation and agreed with the danger

• the young fucked up his scholarship, can’t work

• he has a mental illness

• Aziraphale has talked to him a lot and it’s the only contact that makes him feel safe

This little human seems to have a lot of problems. Crowley doesn’t know what strings to pull with miracles. It seems to be a mess.

Still.

The little human agreed to chat with her on Nina’s coffee. He had already bought the little duck a drink from Nina. Nina said she’ll try to help too.

On the day of their meeting, the human arrives a little bit early, to check out the Bookshop and the café.

Crowley gives him time to do all the security checks he wants to do on the Coffee shop. Watching the scene through the window, outside, Crowley notices Nina talking to him.

Somehow, she manages to connect the boy with the knitting girl. The conversation seems to be going well so Crowley doesn’t interrupt them.

She enters into the café. Thanks to a miracle, the boy forgets he was supposed to meet someone and can’t see Crowley.

The Demon winks at Nina, to tell her that she has everything under control. Her targets were talking about embrodery.

“I’d really love to be able to do that, it’s so cool.”

“You can learn, you know. You can practise.”

“I’m too stupid for that.”

“I have dyspraxia. My brain doesn’t understand my hands. It’s a bit tricky but with some adaptations there may be things you can do. And you know… If you can’t manage something, you can try something else.” The knitter explains

“Well. I don’t know if I will like.”

“The best way to know is to try. Maybe you’ll find passions!”

“I don’t really have any passions… I… I want a passion. Something you wake up for.”

“What’s stopping you for trying stuff?”

The young man seems on the verge of tears.

“I have ADHD. I had to fight for a diag. Mister F… The Bookshop’s owner there helped me... I had two months on pills. The best months of my life. I… I could do things. Now… Med shortage…”

“Oh…”

“And yes I can sit still now because I haven’t slept for two days, and I’m not even tired ! Or I will… But no sleep...”

Bloody Hell.

Crowley forgot about the ADHD med shortage. He has some plot to do to solve that problem.

Chapter Text

Muriel looks at Twitter, no Xitter. No Twitter.
Arg it was easier with Twitter! Everyone is saying Twitter anyway.

Crowley showed them several social media and Muriel is pretty fond of Twitter Xitter whatever. They could spend hours to look at it. It’s…
They should read more books and not Twitter...
But…
It was so nice to see what is happening in the whole world!
Unfortunately, they received a lot of “man” part’s pictures. It seems to be a curious tradition. Muriel isn’t sure if they should reciprocate. They don’t have any parts. Maybe they should try the male part one day, now that they have a collection.

Michael Sheen sends them a picture of lama. It’s funny.
Crowley sends them a tiny dancing dog.
Muriel sends them the picture of a blurry fly dancing in the Bookshop.

But the biggest discovery they made was Pinterest. Crowley showed them how to make boards, and pin pictures. They now have tons of boards and pins.
It’s insane !
They are creating a little world in the tiny phone, on a big planet. It’s full of life, colours. It’s incredible !
After many hours, Muriel becomes a Pinterest expert, meticulously organising hundreds of boards on hundreds of differents themes. They even have a notebook where they write down all the styles they need to research, like the cottagecore and the victorian style. Crowley made sure that the phone behave itself and do not show AI crap.
They also have several contacts on Twitter to talk about things and they soon discovered that people are pretty happy to learn them everything that seems to be necessary. Muriel also gets a lot of recommendations for books, musics, films, series…
And their first hater. Apparently, Loki isn’t gay and they should stop seeing gay people everywhere. Muriel doesn’t understand why this person is angry at the woke mind virus. Then the hater starts to be very angry against everyone so Muriel miracles it somewhere else.

Chapter Text

Aziraphale remembers how afraid she was that day.

Crowley was dragged back to Hell after the “Wee Morag incident”.

Days have passed.

Weeks.

And Aziraphale had no news.

She was so afraid. She didn’t know how Hell worked. Crowley had never told her. Sometimes, the Angel is able to see the pain and wounds of her best friend and her heart ached so much.

Aziraphale isn’t stupid. She knows Crowley doesn’t spend his time in Hell drinking tea and playing. She just doesn’t know how far Hell is willing to go.

And one day she found out.

It hit her like a huge feeling of illness from everywhere. It was so sudden and brutal that Aziraphale nearly passed out. Then came the emptiness. The smell was difficult to understand.

St James’ Park.

Aziraphale had the curious feeling that it was somehow related to Crowley. So she turned invisible and flew.

And it was him. Or rather what was left of him, amid the chaos of broken wings and bloody feathers.

Aziraphale miracles them in the Bookshop. This is a nightmare.

They land upstairs. Aziraphale makes a bathroom with a bathtub and drags his friend inside. The smell is awful. Everything is horrible and Aziraphale can’t go mad now. She makes a list :

• first : clean him, to be able to see the wounds.

Aziraphale had never seen anything like that. It’s a mess.

The bath is filling with water. Soon the water turns dark and red.

Aziraphale snaps her fingers and what was left of the clothes disappear. The Angel wants to throw up. So many wounds.

The cleaning process took so long and the water has been change so much that the Angel didn’t bother to turn off the tap.

Aziraphale did throw up. And cried too. But he cleaned him up as best he could.

Then came the healing.

Then…

Years. It took years for Crowley to be able to work properly, without being afraid of his own shadow.

Aziraphale still thinks about that day. And the days after that. And the years after that. And before. The Fall. Sometimes his mind is like an old broken vinyl record replaying the same scenes over and over again and he wants to scream and burn.

Chapter Text

It was a nice day in the beginning.

Crowley spent some time with Maggie at her shop, exploring all the music she had. It was really pleasant. They had a nice chat about artists, and Crowley even shared some gossips that made the human blush.

Then she prepared to annoy Nina, for fun. Nina bites and she admits it’s thrilling.

But she was stopped by a distress mental call coming from Muriel, inside the Bookshop. She’s at her side in a snap.

Muriel shows her Octopus girl, hyperventilating on the ground, against a bookshelf. There is so much distress coming from her that Crowley can’t help but look into her mind.

She sees walking « herself » walking on Westminster Bridge, taking photos of Big Ben and the London Eyes, and showing a strange fascination for street lamps.

Then, in the blink of an eyes, chaos ensues.

She’s on the ground. So are other people. Bodies. In a horrible shape. Tyre squeal. Screaming. Blood.

She doesn’t understand.

The car didn’t stop.

Why ?

Her brain knows. Westminster is nearby. With a lot of people. But she can’t make sense of what she saw.
Her heart understands faster. And she runs. For her life.

Crowley emerges from her memory with a gasp.

“Heal her. Make people enter the Bookshop. Close everything down and protect the humans. Understood ?”

“Ye… Yeah…”

Muriel looks at Crowley, incredulously.

“Say the same to Maggie and Nina, with telepathy. No one leaves until my return.”

“Okay.”

And he disappears with a snap.

Westminster Bridge looks like a battlefield. The car didn’t stop before striking them. There are so many bodies… How does that happen ?! The street is supposed to have a protection against that!

But the protection has disappeared.

Why ? Did the humans put them off ? It looked rather aesthetic… It fitted well.

Did Hell … ?

Hell did that. It’s not the first time.

Crowley become less aware of his surrounding. His heart beat faster. The Demon runs, hoping to see the car.

There are so many bodies and chaos everywhere around him. The screams !

He follows the blood trail and finds the car. The driver had tried to force Westminster’s gate, which was impossible. But he tried did anyway and met his death there.

The smell. Sulfur.

Shock. He can’t save people or Hell will get him. Crowley snaps to the only safe place he knows and land inside the Bookshop, near his couch.

Muriel is shielding the windows with the shelves. Humans doesn’t seems to notice the supernatural being, thanks to a miracle. And they are too busy being scared.

He can’t save the people on the bridge.

Hell is striking again.

“Crowley!”

He can’t save them. Without immediate intervention, the victims will die.

Muriel catches him into a hug. He’s crying.

“It’s Hell. I can’t do anything. The car didn’t stop. I can’t save them.”

“I can.”

“Muriel no!”

Too late. Muriel had disappeared.

Crowley’s anxiety flood his brain. Is Muriel strong enough to fight Hell?

Chapter Text

Aziraphale quickly realises that something is happening. Muriel isn’t supposed to perform so many healing miracles. The Angel is only a 37th rank scrivener. It’s too dangerous.

Aziraphale runs to Metatron’s desk. The big wooden doors are sealed but the Angel doesn’t care. There was a time when she found the pattern on the wood very impressive. But after the War, they changed it for simple wooden doors. Aziraphale can’t remember what the previous patterns was. Humans do better anyway. The doors are big and sad but they open for her when she snaps her fingers.

Seeing the Metatron’s space makes Aziaphale's heart shiver. It was full of shelves containing files, books, scrolls, and further in the back, she knows the Metatron keeps forbidden items. After spending so much time in the emptiness of Heaven, the cluttered space makes Aziraphale uneasy.

Metatron, who is working with three low-ranked scriveners doesn’t look happy about Aziraphale’s interruption.

“What is it Aziraphale ?! You are interrupting my important work.” The Voice of God asks, with anger in his voice while trying to not move his face.

This always disturbed Aziraphale. How were they supposed to read Metatron’s temper if he tries to hide it every time? Couldn’t he express properly his anger so his face is easier to read? But that’s a matter for another time.

She shows her tablet, on which she’s receiving Muriel’s miracles notes that keep happening.

“Something is happening on Earth. Something huge and dangerous. Scrivener Muriel is using miracle after miracle to heal people.”

 “And?”

  “Muriel is only a 37th rank. The number of miracles keeps increasing! Muriel is killing themselves!” Aziraphale answers, worried

“Muriel can make her own decisions Aziraphale. If she discorporates, it’s her fault, and she’ll have to face the consequences!”

“Do you have the intend to help Muriel or not?!”

“Muriel’s actions aren’t mine… I…”

“Then I’ll go.”

“AZIRAPHALE! You have more important work!”

‘Muriel’s security matter!” Aziraphale yells

Aziraphale storms out of the room and runs down the empty corridors. Metatron yells something in return leaving the scriveners shocked. They don't understand how someone so high§ranked could care about them. They didn’t even understand the concept of someone taking care of them.

Aziraphale faces the lift, which still has an ‘Out of service’ sign on it. She opens the door with a snap to make it look like she has used the lift and leaves Heaven with the light…

Muriel throws up in the middle of the road. Everything is spinning around them. Even the sounds. The cars. The screams.

They can’t remember why they are here. They are so tired.

“Muriel!”

Aziraphale takes Muriel in her arms.

“I’m going to recharge you Muriel, don’t worry.”

Aziraphale pushes her energy into Muriel’s body. For an Angel who can manipulate photons and light, this is not difficult. It’s like pushing miracles into another Angel. A younger, more naive version of Aziraphale couldn’t have even dreamt about that. After the War, they were so limited that she were barely feeling Heaven’s energy running through her veins. So pushing this energy into another Angel?! Recharging another Angel like God did before?! But this Aziraphale knows she can do it. Imagination… Crowley's greatest gift.

Muriel can’t help but shiver. Energy particles are running into their skin and inside their body. It’s electrifying! It’s feels good. It tickles a little. It’s intoxicating.

“Now we're going to take care of the humans. You don’t have limitations on healing miracles. If you need to recharge, I’ll help you. Now, let’s go to work.”

Together into the chaos of people, sirens, rescuers, they heal as many people as possible. For two humans, however, salvation is impossible. They’ve been dead for too long… Brains can’t be revived after such a short period of time. 

But it was worth it for the people they saved.

Afterwards, Aziraphale takes Muriel back to the Bookshop, upstairs, to help them save energy and limit the need to hide.

They go downstairs together. People are waiting silently in the dark, inside the Bookshop.

“I think the threat is over now. You can release the people now. But they better go home, just in case.” Aziraphale whispers.

The Archangel looks for Crowley in the Bookshop. She finds him curls on the ground, against a shelf.

Aziraphale kneels in front of him. Her Demon has been through a lot.

“It’s all right Crowley. We solved it, with Muriel. The humans are safe now. Except for two…”

Crowley doesn’t seem to see her. He’s lost between terror and shame. His Angel needed help and protection. He didn’t protect his Angel. He failed. Again.

It’s too much.

Crowley teleports himself out of here.

Aziraphale is shocked and tears flood briefly his eyes. Why did Crowley run away? Why is he refusing Aziraphale’s comfort ?! It’s part of their arrangement! They care for each other. They complete each other. When Crowley couldn’t deal with the situation so Aziraphale did. There are plenty of situations that Aziraphale can’t deal with but Crowley can. 

Aziraphale senses his friend’s presence in Maggie’s shop. Did he…?

Muriel wasn’t looking at them when Crowley disappeared but they sense his teleportation into Maggie’s shop. Why did he … ?

Muriel expands their mind to touch Maggie’s.

“Do you need help?” The Scrivener asks.

One second later Muriel is able to see the shop through Maggie’s eyes. The human is hugging Crowley tightly. The Demon is crying softly.

“I think I can manage. I call if I need.” Maggie thinks

 “Okay. Thanks.”

Muriel is happy that telepathy with humans is so easy. Or at least with those two. In fact, this is the first time Muriel has used telepathy with them, to warn them of the danger. It might not be that easy with the other humans leaving the Bookshop. They don’t know about Angels and Demons friends. Neither telepathy.

Muriel closes the shop after the last human and searches for Aziraphale. 

The Supreme Archangel is sitting on the ground, against a bookshelf, on the verge of tears.

“Why does it have to be so hard?!”

Muriel doesn’t understand. The scrivener knows that Aziraphale chose the situation. Why is he unhappy? 

Muriel doesn’t know what to do. They know how to behave around Crowley. Crowley is a friend. Mr Fell, Aziraphale is kind too. He’s the Supreme Archangel now. But still. It’s the friendly Aziraphale they were supposed to spy on. And he came to help Muriel. How did he know?

The miracles tracking.

Aziraphale knew that Muriel was using a lot of healing miracles and came to help to avoid discorporation to them.

Muriel doesn’t know if Aziraphale can be labeled as a friend. But still, he acted like one nonetheless. So Muriel could try to be friends with him too. They sat by his side.

Later in Maggie’s shop, Crowley feels a little calmer… No. He’s just tired. No energy left to cry. 

The Demon explained the events to Maggie, to complete what Muriel had told her.

“So… I still don’t understand how the woman ran from Westminster Bridge to here… It’s a bit far…” Maggie whispers

“You’d be surprised at the new abilities humans can develop to keep themselves safe… She may have flown to the Bookshop because she feels safe inside… Everyone feels safe under an Angel’s light…”

“Looks like you…” Maggie answers, softly

“Nowhere is safe for me. Hell can summon me from anywhere.”

Crowley briefly explained to Nina, Maggie and Muriel how Hell used to summon him which it wasn’t a pleasant experience. They quickly realised that many of Crowley’s reactions to the world were linked to trauma. But they didn’t have the place Aziraphale had in all this. Were every demons traumatized? Were Hell hurting Demons to make them bad? Is Crowley kind because an Angel keeps the balance?

“Then… Where is the first place you go when Hell releases you?”

Everyone feels safe under Aziraphale’s light…

But not today because Aziraphale has gone and Crowley has failed to protect his Angel.

Maggie rocks her Demon against her chest, trying not to cry too.

Chapter Text

Aziraphale remembers what the room used to look like a long time ago, even if the memory is blurry. Something makes it difficult to remember and she isn’t even sure that her memories are accurate. 

In Heaven, there was a room where they all took their recharge. During this period miracles weren’t limited. They could all go into this room to take a miracle recharge. It wasn’t something you could eat because eating didn’t exist yet. But when you make too much miracles, it’s terribly exhausting and Angels can even discorporate if they go too far. So the room was there for everyone to take a recharge. This meant they could miracle safely again. This meant, they felt « rest » but the concept didn’t exist at that time. It was more like a reset button to avoid discorporation and be able to miracle later if they need.

It was also a room where you were closer to the Almighty’s power. SHE gave the recharge after all didn’t SHE ?
Aziraphale finds it difficult to remember how soothing it was to be so close to God like that. SHE created them. SHE is the mother, who gave them life and purpose. And yet… SHE wasn’t a mother. Not in the human way. But Aziraphale can’t help but craving for HER attention.

During this period, the room was always crowded with Angels which was natural. You go there when you need to recharge. So there was always someone here, because it was a busy time. The room was a corner of joy. You could go there when you wanted to meet your brothers and sisters. When you wanted to talk. When you wanted to belong.

Aziraphale didn’t belong there.
Today the room is empty. God isn’t there. You can’t have recharge anymore. Your power is limited.

Aziraphale sits alone in the empty room, crying silently. No one comes there anymore. God isn’t even there either. Is God somewhere in Heaven ?

Belonging.
Connection.
Power.
Friendship.
God’s love.

It stopped.
Aziraphale is slowly rocking back and forth. The emptiness of the space is terrifying.

She doesn’t remember well, but it seems that they lost their sense of belonging, connection, power, friendship and God’s love after the war. They don’t deserve love after what they did to the Fallen Angels. They only deserve the emptiness of this room. Even Aziraphale. After all she played her part too.

Aziraphale has witnessed a great deal of wars on Earth. She could understand why this room had to be « closed ». Angels don’t have a space to speak or connect with each others anymore. They can’t bond or nurture friendship. And with their power under control they can’t rebel.

The room looks like a tomb. A symbol of what they have lost. She isn’t even sure if anyone remember those days. Is Aziraphale the only one who mourns it? Is she the only one to remembers?! Did they messed up her reprogramming?!

She sighs.
It’s a nightmare. Heaven is a nightmare. It has to stop.

Chapter Text

Muriel is late.
Crowley tries not to panic. Muriel probably wants to try to be late, to do like humans.
But Crowley is sitting on their bench in the park. Waiting again for a late Angel. So of course Crowley is panicking! Of course!

He did panic that day. A lot. Because Aziraphale was late. And of course that bloody Angel DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING SMARTPHONE TO CALL HIM WHEN HE WASN’T IN THE SHOP.

So he panicked. The panic attack destroyed him and he had to run away.

But Aziraphale couldn’t answer the phone that day… Because he was panicking too. He couldn’t answer the phone because he was hiding. He couldn’t breathe.

At least, once their panic attacks had stopped, they were able to connect their last brain cell to miracle themself with the other.
No words were necessary… They understood.

But Muriel is late today. There could be a thousand reasons explaining Muriel being late. But Crowley can’t think of anything other than the worse. Obviously. This Demon has been trained to think that way since the beginning! It was Lucifer’s motto, after the Fall. Crowley understands why. They betrayed God. They are unworthy of Good. So they must only feel bad things. Well. Crowley would have learned this lesson without the beating afterwards. But it’s as if there were two levels of understanding: a theoretical one, and a physical one. Hell’s conditionning bath every of his cells in pure terror each seconds he exists.

Life  itself became a trigger. Muriel is late and he can’t help but worry. And he tried to delay the full mind explosion by reasoning. It won’t work. It never works. Asmodeus made that clear. But at least it would give him two seconds to catch his breath before spiralling into Hell.

Oh Crowley hated that, he hated himself for being so weak and Muriel is late, it’s terrifying. Muriel can’t have been kidnapped by Hell. But Muriel could be in Heaven. And what Crowley saw in Heaven when he was playing Aziraphale terrifies him too. Heaven doesn’t care about Angels. Crowley knew that of course. He had lived with Aziraphale long enough to know that. But he had a glimpse of just how much they don’t give a fuck.
And there is what he saw… And what he didn’t. It’s a state where anything is possible. Especially for an Angel with little experience of Earth.

And now, it’s this strong feeling of solitude drowning him again, all the time, repeating his vulnerability against Hell again and again. THEY can get him. When they want to. Nobody will save him. They think Holy Water can’t kill him but there are plenty of other ways to “play”.

His phone is buzzing. It’s difficult to see the name of the caller through the tears.

“Crowley? I… I think I got on the wrong metro.” Muriel begins.

He could hear the Angel thinking on the other side of the phone.

“Yes… I think I did. How did I take the wrong metro?! I was on the right platform?! There was a loooong tunnel. I’m not sure. I don’t know where I am. At least people are still speaking English.”

Crowley burst out laughing. 
He made the metro lines complicated… It would probably be easy for Muriel to learn to navigate in those lines.

“Get out and teleport yourself Muriel.”
“It’s cheating!”
“I have an ice cream for you!”
“I’m coming!”

Five minutes after, Muriel teleport at St James park near Crowley. Crowley gives them the big ice cream cone and his pot out of his bag. He promised Muriel to test more things. 

They sit on their bench.

“I have questions.” Muriel begins
“Fire.”
“Can I have a house?”
“You can have whatever you want. You don’t even need to ask someone the permission.”
“I am a scrivener. I have to obey orders.”
“Do you want to obey orders?”
“No. Is it bad to want things?”
“For Angels, it’s bad because you are getting further away from God, according to their idea. And you are supposed to work only for God, not even for yourself.”
“As yourself, do you think it’s bad to want things?”
“No. I don’t think it’s good to be in a toxic relationship with God, specially if she can bathe you in sulphur if you displease HER.”
“Oh. I don’t know what to do then. I want everything but I can’t do everything in the same time.”
“Welcome in life… You have now the same problems as humans… Except Heaven is watching you.”

Chapter Text

Aziraphale is alone again. She can’t stop thinking about it.

Heaven’s emptiness is screaming Crowley’s despair. The more alone she is, the more she thinks about it. Because there is nothing else here. Aziraphale isn’t even sure Time exists here. She’s drowning.

Crowley kissed her.

Of course she had loved Crowley for a long time, perhaps even before Time itself but her memories were uncertain.

At first, she was afraid when she realised that none of her thoughts about Crowley were in the Bible, as humans say…

But one day it faded away. Crowley saved her and her books. She was ready to give her everything that day.

Then she remembered that MAYBE Crowley wasn’t into sex and jumping on people like that without the famous « embarrassing » talk isn’t the right thing to do.

But MAYBE Crowley, as a Demon, was already active in certain… Areas…

Is Aziraphale really thinking about that in Heaven ?

“Forgive me God...”

Nobody hears. Nobody ever listens here.

So. Crowley. Maybe the Demon already has some… Tricks… Up its sleeve...

Or MAYBE not.

Too many maybes. Aziraphale didn’t have the social battery for that conversation that day.

And it wasn’t safe. It never is.

Dreaming was.

Aziraphale dreamt about their first kiss. It was beautiful, perfect, emotional.

It should have been perfect.

It shouldn’t have been like that.

And if Aziraphale fails, it would be their last memory together.

Chapter Text

Crowley throws up again in her toilets, miserably curled into her miserable bathroom in her miserable life.

Throwing so much on an empty stomach makes everything miserable.

Crowley should send a miserable letter to that MISERABLE SUPREME ARCHANGEL OF MY ASS!

Everything is spinning.
Crowley wants to die right now.

A phone is ringing. Hers. She doesn’t remember if she had something to do. She can’t even understand if she’s in pain or not because all her body is dizzy.

“Crowley? It’s Muriel. I’m sorry, you are late and you weren’t answering your phone so I want to check if you are still alive.”

Crowley wants to get up but she goes too fast and her body doesn’t have enough blood pressure.

Those bodies don’t even need blood pressure but right now, they need.

Everything is spinning, hurting, “dizzying” and GOD she missed the toilets.

“Oh no Crowley what happened?”

Right.

Now Muriel is witnessing how a pathetic Demon she is, swimming in her own shit and all.

Tired.

So so tired.

“Right. Let me help. I’m gonna clean everything. Miracles. I can do this.”

Snap.

The toilets are flushing themselves on their own and the ground is clean. And the horrible smell is gone.

“Yes!”

Muriel’s happiness makes them handflap. It could be cute if Crowley wasn’t half dead.

“Your turn.”

Snap.

Crowley is clean.

?!

“It’s probably not a good idea to move you. When Maggie were throwing up everywhere, I moved her with a miracle and it wasn’t comfortable.”

No details please.

“Oh I have an idea!”

Muriel leaves the bathroom to get a blanket somewhere and wrap Crowley in it.

Warmth.

Crowley must admit she’s a little less miserable right now.

Muriel sits at her side.

“We are gonna wait until you can move without throwing up everywhere.”

Oh it makes her heart flutter. Only that.

Someone is here for Crowley.

She doesn’t deserve. She wants to cry. She’s a Demon, she shouldn’t be…

And Crowley is sick now, it’s her fault. She knew there are painkillers that don’t mix with others. She knew! But she was too sleepy… She forgot to prepare his pill box in advance… Aziraphale always has her back in this case… (Even if the Angel kept silent the fact that he always refills her pill box when he sees it’s empty…)

And now this shit makes Crowley cry because why the Hell Muriel is kind with her, a Demon and what does Muriel when she cries? She hugs her. And now there is another Angel bringing comfort to a Demon and this is so wrong but Crowley crave that comfort, literally, and hates herself for it. She shouldn’t be a weeping mess in an Angel’s arm. They are supposed to kill each other. Demons are supposed to be failures, pests that contaminated Angels.

“Why are you so nice with me?” Crowley asks, once her eyes stop doing shit

“Why would I be bad with you?”

“Am a Demon.”

“You didn’t smite me on spot. You are my friend. So I am your friend too. It’s like in Full Metal Alchemist and the equivalent exchange. You are a friend so I am a friend.”

It makes Crowley laugh for a while. How strange that outside of Heaven Angels are nice.
How sad that Aziraphale isn’t outside Heaven anymore.

“They are gonna eat Aziraphale aren’t they…” Crowley whispers

And Crowley’s concern for her friend makes Muriel think. Crowley is a friend to Aziraphale, Muriel, and people. Crowley is a friend and cares even if she has to pretend she doesn’t. She’s not really what a Demon should be.

Crowley can’t help but hug Muriel tighter at the thought of Aziraphale alone in Heaven. And with her tiny time on Earth, Muriel can understand why.

“You can’t know. Maybe Aziraphale is gonna eat them.” Muriel argues

“I hope so. But it’s gonna eat him in the end.”

Oh.

Muriel doesn’t know what to think. They should be alarmed at the thought of Aziraphale eating Heaven as they said. But now they are alarmed for Crowley and her friend.

All of them… Angels and Demons… They shouldn’t be friends. With anyone. What are they gonna do?

Chapter Text

Low-ranked Angels speaking to each other. They need to speak to other Angels for work, of course. It’s natural. It’s necessary. Each Angels has one or two colleagues.

Then, the Supreme Archangel came to tell them stories but kept forgetting parts of the plot. They needed to expand their social circle to find out the missing part. They had to interact with Angels they didn’t know.

Some Angels found these interactions pleasurable. It break the sameness of the moment. So they begin to spread the stories that the Supreme Archangel had given them to Angels who didn’t have them yet.

They started exchanging stories. After all, nothing bad could come of this kind of exchange could it? Those stories are only imagination’s work. Stories are harmless.

Soon, all the low-ranked Angels have all the stories that The Supreme Archangel gave them. Is it over? Impossible for them. They need more ! They feel like eating for the first time. It gives colour to Heaven. They don’t understand how yet. After all, imagination, specially the human one, is harmless.

They need more stories.

Some Angels started crafting their own stories by mixing what the Supreme Archangel gave them. They gave them to others. Some of the listeners transformed the stories making them even better.

However, nothing could compare to the shockwave caused by The Supreme Archangel in Heaven who defied the Metatron in order to save a 37th ranked Scrivener on Earth.

It’s happening right now on Heaven. And this story is unbelievable.

Chapter Text

“How can I have style?” Muriel asked a few days ago.

And Crowley thought a lot about it. Muriel wants to have a fashionable style and Crowley is an expert in that field.

However, Crowley also considered, and the plants agreed, that Muriel wants more than just a style. They want an identity that is distinct from Heaven’s mould.

So Crowley started with something simple. To browse through Aziraphale’s wardrobe because Crowley knows the Angel kept some historical clothes. Muriel did, apparently, do some cleaning in it. They had already seen Aziraphale’s clothes, but they could do with some explanation.

It’s also a good excuse for Muriel to have their friend nearby. Muriel understood that Crowley made a mistake with the painkillers. It pains them to know that their friend is struggling so much with the pain linked to the Fall and Hell. Crowley can’t stay in the BookShop because of the flashbacks but Muriel wanted to try to see if she feels better upstairs. They can’t free the Demon from Hell. But if they can give her a few hours of rest, it’s worth everything.

That’s how they ended up on Aziraphale’s bed, submerged in various fabrics. Crowley was a little surprised because most of them weren’t in Aziraphale’s color palette. Some of the clothes were older outfits that he wore before settling on his current style. Some have a sentimental value. But many are black, red, and flashy colours.

There were also lot of beautiful fabrics that hadn’t been turned into clothes. What did Aziraphale want to do with that? Is he collecting? That would not be surprising considering the Angel who collected rocks in the Garden.

Nevertheless, they used these items as an opportunity for Crowley to explain humanity to Muriel through fabrics and memories.

It makes Crowley feel good. Which is weird. She is there, talking to an Angel about fabrics, threads, and the beginning of humanity and he feels good. She always feels bad. Why does she feels good now?

Then she found Aziraphale’s silly tartan in the stash. A piece of his tartan. She can’t help but take it, put it on her nose, and breath it.

Muriel looks at her with confusion. Ashamed, Crowley stops immediately. She puts the tartan back under the fabric, but with a soft movement of her hand, hides it in his sleeve.

The next morning, she feels very stupid. She shouldn’t have done it. This is why she keeps replaying the events in her head, making her feels even more stupid. How could she have been so pathetic? And in front of Muriel, of all people! And you know what’s worse? She saw cute full knitting bags. Oh she wants to know what is inside. She needs them. The Angel was learning to knit. Those fucking yarns might smell like him. She might even be able to make something cute with that bloody thing.

Oh God she’s so…
Is there a doctor for that kind of thing? Or should she dive into it head first?

Hum.

The plan is simple: to do something nice with the tartan. You can’t waste a good fabric like that isn’t it? Obviously, Aziraphale won’t need it. Tartan isn’t part of the Great Plan and good Angel bussinesss.

She doesn’t know what to do with it but she knows someone who is crazy enough to know what to do with it. The octopus knitter, who live half here / half in France. Thankfully, the Eurostar had a last-minute promotion, last week, and the National Theatre decided to put on another performance of Nye.

Strangely, the knitter didn’t spend her time at Nina’s coffee, who has been her spot for few month. It really was a miracle for Crowley to find her at the Tate modern coffee shop…

She seems a little lost. Crowley doesn’t know her very much. She sees her from time to time in Nina’s coffee, usually, knitting. She always gives her the impression of being a tiny rabbit stuck in the headlight of an invisible car. She reminds her of someone.

Today, they talk.

“Out of your autistic routine?” Crowley asks, with a soft smile.

She looks at her confused, while trying to hold the stitches of her sock. Then after few seconds, she answers.

“Yeah. A little bit of change from time to time can’t hurt.”

“Who are you and what have you done to the nerd who knit octopus?!”

Crowley knows she’s part of the creatures that hate change and need to avoid it at all costs. Nobody wants to be between Aziraphale and his morning tea.

(Except whole bloody Heaven)

She laughs and invites her to sit.

“Well… Too much change gives me diarrhea to be honest.”

“Oh. Then why did you change your usual spot?”

She stops looking at him and her face get more sad for few seconds.

“The street isn’t the same, you know.” She whispers

“Oh”.

She thought she was the only one who had noticed.

“I feel like everything is changing too fast and I don’t know what to do.”

“Humans change. That’s normal.”

“I know. But this change…”

“The rise of fascism? Climate change? Carrot man playing with big guns?”

“A bit of everything yes. And new laws making my life difficult here.”

“Oh.”

She feels sad for her and the fact that Aziraphale is losing all his protégés. She explains which laws are annoying her and how Brexit is making her life more complicated here. And capitalism too, because humans need money to live. She also gives her several ways to contact her if she needs.

It’s depressing. And the recession will hit her with full force soon. Humans are suffering and it will get worse.

“How do you even manage to not throw yourself in the Thames?!” Crowley asks, out loud.

Then she realises what she has said. Something she’s trying to contain in a small area of her brain for so long.

“Sometimes I ask myself the same question, to be honest. And I don’t think throwing yourself in the Thames would me the more efficient way.”

The woman answered. And Crowley feels strangely grateful for it. This kind of talk scares people. It scared Aziraphale too.

Who can you talk about it with when it scares everyone?

“But I remember I still have funny stuff to do, among the shitty stuff. And if I don’t have funny stuff to do, I find funny stuff to do because what is the point of living otherwise? I have to create stuff. I have to live experiences, feel things I never felt. I think this kind of things make you feel alive.”

“Make sense.”

“It’s not a magic pill though. I still feel intense despair and anxiety.” She admits.

“What do you do for it? Therapy?”

“Can’t do therapy. I try to find nice stuff to do.”

“I can’t really do therapy either. I can’t go there and tell them ‘Hey people I went through Hell and I have problems ever since’.”

Crowley shouldn’t really let those kind of things slip. But she don’t know why she talks like that to this human. How could she connect this easily?

What she doesn’t understand is that, for obvious reason, their life experiences aren’t the same, but the results are. This common ground turns into a connexion.

“They’ll probably ask you if Hell is a metaphor for your relationship with your mother, or your father.” She jokes.

She nearly chokes with his saliva laughing too hard.

“Both actually.”

“Damned. You’ll send the freudian into a mental ward!”

How could they laugh about that? Somehow they do.

“I can’t talk to them they wouldn’t understand.” Crowley clarifies.

“You’ll probably find kind of therapist working with metaphors so you could tell them ‘I’ve been through Hell’ but they still wouldn’t understand neither.” She adds.

“Exactly. I can’t tell them: well you see, between their session they loved to put us in a cage so that they, or someone else, could pick us for the next game. They won’t understand.”

“Normal people won’t. They can’t grasp the full experience of being scared, waiting for your death.”

“Praying for it...” Crowley adds.

“Yes. But you can find people who could.”

“?!”

“There is people who have been through Hell too. They can understand.”

“Not fully.”

“Yes. I can’t pretend I understand fully your experience. It would be disrespectful. But it would still be closer.”

“Does that exist ?”

“Yes. I was training to be an hypnotherapist you know but I stopped because I met a ton of dickheads. But I can tell you there is a field working with trauma survivor where there is people who can relate to your experience.”

“…”

“You are not alone.”

Shit.

Shit.

Crowley had come there for DIY advice. Shit.

How could…

How?!

Of course it hit a deep wound inside Crowley. A wound that is so deep and rotten that it leaves a dirty hole in her soul.

This hole… Is as deep as the length of her Fall long time ago.

That was when she realised she was truly alone. Perhaps she had been before. But, with the Fall and after, she was alone. Truly alone.

Then came Aziraphale.

Then came the humans.

She can’t break down here.

“Well… I came here to ask you for advice.” Crowley tries, to avoid a breakdown.

“I hope it’s not wise life advice because I suck at it.” She jokes.

“No. What can I do with that?”

She shows the tartan.

“Wow, nice! I suppose you didn’t came here for bow tie.”

“Bow ties are shit.”

“You can make a strap with that. You can either have it like a… Eerrr.”

She lost herself in translation for a while.

“Full. Like a ribbon around your wrist. Or you can cut it in two, and sew it to a charm. I think it’s called a charm. I saw that in a geek convention. It look pretty.”

Pretty eh…

“Oh. Good idea. How do I do that?”

“Do you want to sew it yourself or do you want me to sew it?”

“I’m not a seamstress… I did embroidery too, but more for art… It’s not… Not practical knowledge.”

“I can sew it for you if you want. I have a sewing machine in France. It would make stronger stitches, which are best for something that are gonna rub against clothes. We only need to find a charm if you want this version.”

They stay together for few hours before Crowley find the charms he wants and the patterns and the measures and…

Crowley is tired.

Nervous.

She gave her the tartan and the smells. She won’t see it back until the human goes back to France to sew it and comes back to London.

She gave a piece of her away.

No.

She needs something else: Aziraphale’s project bags. Crowley bet that Aziraphale is so meticulous that each bags stock the project and everything he needs to complete it.

Crowley just needs to rob the Bookshop again.

Chapter Text

Muriel is waiting for Maggie in Nina’s coffee. They buy them beverages and cookies. Nina smiles fondly when she realises that the Angel has organized the table they took for their chat, making a nice moment for them.

The end of the day comes quickly. Maggie joins them. Muriel looks at her as she helps Nina to close the machine with money and clean up. Helping each other. Gravitating around each other.

Then the two humans joins Muriel.

“So Muriel, what’s the emergency?”

“I don’t understand Crowley.”

The two humans try to not laugh.

“Welcome to Earth Muriel.” Nina jokes.

“Explain.” Maggie asks.

“Crowley stole a piece of fabric. I don’t understand why. I thought it was a Demon thing but… Why this? It’s not even a proper clothing.”

“What does it look like?”

“I can show it in your mind.”

“Yes, please.”

And then, they understand.

“It is the same as Aziraphale’s bow tie. Tartan.” Nina notices.

“But why?”

“Because it’s coming from Aziraphale’s bow tie…” Maggie repeats.

The two women notice Crowley entering into the Bookshop. Muriel can’t, because the Angel has their back against the window. But the Angel could see the Redhead in their eyes.

“Yes Crowley is going to steal Aziraphale’s knitting bags.” Muriel explains, having noticed Crowley’s interest in the bags.

“Oh…”

“Why?” Muriel asks again.

“Love.”

“Oh...”

“You didn’t have much of that in Heaven did you…” Maggie whispers.

“You can’t love anyone other than God. It’s forbidden.”

The two humans stay silent for a while. They are sad.

“I think… I would love to have what Crowley and Aziraphale have even if it hurts.” Muriel admits.

“Yeah…”

They look weirdly at Crowley coming out of the Bookshop with two fancy bags slung over his shoulders.

“He’s going to do something with the tartan. Like the feather he gave to all of us.” Nina explains.

“It’s like a teddy bear.” Maggie adds.

The two women look at each other for a few seconds. Muriel wonders if they do telepathy too.

“Muriel there’s something we thought… Maybe we’re wrong… But…” Maggie stammers.

“When you told us about Aziraphale’s apartment, you said it was full of him. But maybe it’s full of Crowley too.” Nina tries.

“Oh. I don’t know.”

“Can we take a look? It might be a dead end… Or you might learn something.”

Learn.

Muriel takes them to Aziraphale’s apartment. They look at the various items and books. Then, Muriel opens the cupboard for them.

The two women look inside, astonished.

“Muriel…” Maggie whispers, shocked.

Nina takes a black knitted sweater with caution and unfolds it on the bed.

“It isn’t Aziraphale’s colours. It isn’t his size or height.”

Maggie does the same with another sweater, this one grey. This one has a V-neck and short sleeves.

“Same for this one.”

A black blanket made of warm yarn.

Black silk.

Other knitted sweaters, with variations.

A black dress.

Golden jewellery.

Other blankets and cushions.

Different styles from flashy to various shades of black.

Muriel looks at the bed, in awe. And realises.

“It was hidden in the cupboard, behind other things. I pulled it out to clean and I placed all of that on those shelves.”

Angels don’t have the right to love.

But they do.

Even their hereditary enemy.

Love is beautiful. And painful. Love is being alive.

“They are like humans. Humans aren’t supposed to bond with someone of the same sex...” Maggie whispers, with tears in her eyes.

“They are immortal. How long have they been forced to hide?” Nina asks, depressed.

The puzzle get more pieces and a more complex shape in Muriel’s mind.

Love.

Such a complicated word. So much to learn.

This make them remember the curious box… Another opportunity to learn.

The Angel put the box on the bed and open it.

“I found that too. What is it?”

The two humans looks at the impressive collection of sex toys in disbelief.

Then notice the amount of dildos.

Nina bursts into laugher.

“Oh Mister Fell I love you...”

?!

Chapter Text

It was a nice day, in the beginning. But then it’s a feeling, pressing against the throat, leaving not enough room for air.

The girls went out for breakfast together. Then, they introduced Muriel to the concept of cinema. The Angel still had little stars in their eyes in the afternoon when they all went shopping. Crowley couldn’t stop smiling at how happy Muriel was.

So why does Crowley feel so strange right now?

Crowley looks at the women’s clothes and wonders. She clears her mind for a few seconds to scan her surroundings. No one. Well, no Demons or Angels except Muriel and her.

“Relax...” Nina says

“I’m relaxed.” Crowley argues

“You look like you’re about to eat someone’s carotid.”

“Why is that bad? I could eat you ex’s.”

“No. You are going to do far worse.”

“What do you mean?”

“Relax.”

But how can you relax at Primark, on Saturday afternoon? How?! There are people everywhere! There are shitty clothes everywhere! People are babbling and…

Nina is still waiting for an answer.

Crowley hisses at her. She smiles.

They stayed in that bloody shop for two hours. Crowley can’t find anything to suit her because there is too much stuff here. And she can’t shop and guard them at the same time. Muriel is having the time of their life playing with the clothes while Maggie and Nina give them something else to try on.

Crowley waits. She can’t help but scan their surroundings. She hadn’t even realised she had been doing that since the beginning of the shopping session. No one can find them here. No one. She won’t give them Muriel. Not Muriel. The inexperienced Angel is like a flower blooming for the first time, out of Heaven. Let them have a little bit of life God please!

Someone bumped into Crowley, making her fall on the ground. She hadn’t seen the man because she were scanning, again.

“OI WATCH OUT!” Nina shouts at the man

Crowley doesn’t hear the rest. She hadn’t seen the man coming. Since the film, anxiety has been poisoning her brain and she weren’t even aware. Because she is intoxicated by anxiety for far too long.

“Hey, Crowley.”

Nina offered her hand to help Crowley gets up.

“Are you alright?”

“Ye… Yeah.”

Her left hip is hurting her now. She wasn’t even aware of that. It might be because of that guy bumping into her.

“You seem a bit off.” Nina notices

“No. I’m not.”

“Okay. If you say so. But I will keep an eye on you. Just in case.”

People keep coming and coming into Primark.

Crowley held herself against a wall, near the fitting room, so she could see her gang and the shop entrance. It seemed to ease her a bit.

But the shop gets more and more people and Crowley gets stuck between people talking and a baby crying and the anxiety and that feeling that…

She can’t break here. She can’t.

“Crowley?”

She can’t breathe. Someone was looking like Hastur but it wasn’t Hastur is it? The baby is crying and the sound is like the things they were putting in her ears when… It can’t be Hastur. It can’t.

She can’t breathe.

Everything is shaking.

The colours are fading away again. All the colours around her. Everything turns whiter. She doesn’t understand.

“Crowley, come with me.”

Maggie grabs her against her and she can’t even feel her, because her touch is losing colours and…

Maggie gets her into an empty fitting room, trying to put angry people away. Some people shout but Maggie doesn’t answer because that will make her shout too. She calls silently Nina, who answers with a nod.

When Maggie is back in the fitting room, Crowley is sitting on the ground, shaking. Maggie sits at her side.

“Hey… Come…”

She takes her in a hug, against her chest, as if she could protect her against the world… Crowley can’t help but laugh awkwardly, before losing her breath again. This human can’t do anything against Hell.

But still. She holds Crowley against her, whispering :

“You will be alright love… You will be alright...”

Crowley can’t hear her. She wraps them in her wings because HE is coming. Maybe if she doesn’t make a sound, they won’t come for her. There are too many humans here. They can’t come here to get her.

“Our friend is having a panic attack. Please, let her calm herself a bit!”

“We have people here waiting for a room, so if you don’t try stuff, get out!”

The security agent opens violently and Crowley, startled, makes her wings disappear. The noise of the shop smashes her brain again.

“Please, you are not trying stuff! You have to get out!”

This is too loud.

She puts her hands on her ears, trying to… Everything is shaking.

“Yes, we are going out, but please, leave us five minutes!”

“No, you have to get out, or I get you out myself!”

The guard gets closer to Crowley and his hand is getting too close to her and…

Fire alarm. Muriel had to take extreme measures.

The sound crashes Crowley’s brain. It’s too much.

Everything goes white around her and Maggie.

Crowley is on the ground, curled into a herself, shaking.

Maggie doesn’t understand what is happening. The little sob she hears wakes her up. Crowley needs help.

“Crowley, you are having a panic attack. You will go through it, I promise. Breathe.”

Anxiety and panic flood her brain and she cries, silently.

There is nothing Maggie can do. She doesn’t know where is Crowley in her mind. She doesn’t know the triggers and she risks to making it worse.

Maggie puts her hand above Crowley’s one, not touching her, but close enough so she can feel her and she lets her cry.

“I’m here, okay. You will go through it.”

Maggie gives her Time. She is feeling like she’s drowning in anxiety and the moment is terrifying because Crowley’s stays silent in her distress. And she can only witness.

In a moment, Crowley begins to calm herself, more because her eyes were dry.

Maggie lay at her side. Crowley seems to be able to notice her. Is she back?

“Do you want a hug?” Maggie asks

Crowley doesn’t answer.
Then she grabs her shirt, shyly, as if she doesn’t allow herself to answer “yes”.

So Maggie takes her into the hug.

She gives her Time again.

The Demon isn’t shaking now.

“Where are we?” Maggie asks

“Sorry… I stopped Time… I… Should get us back.”

“One moment. You know what we are gonna do? I’m gonna hold you okay? And we gonna get out Primark, okay?”

“Y… Yeah.”

“And I’m gonna hold you okay?”

“Yeah...”

They are back in Primark again. Maggie gets up and helps Crowley do the same. Then she holds the Demon against her.

“Are you alright?” Nina asks

“We have to get out of the shop.” Maggie answers

“Okay. I take Muriel.”

Muriel gives headphones to Maggie. She gives it to Crowley.

“Put that on your ears. We are going out, ok?”

Crowley obeys.

Muriel clicks their fingers and a violin begins to play in the headphones. For few minutes, danger is gone, and there is only music.

Maggie guides Crowley outside the shop. The Demon seems to have problems walking so she does her best to avoid stuff on the ground.

But they manage to get out.

Once outside, Crowley holds herself against a wall for support.

“You know… I often do that...” Maggie says

Crowley looks at her, pulling the headphones off, waiting for the rest.

“Put a wall behind me. Then I know danger can’t come on my back.”

Crowley understands.

“Did… Someone hurt you?” Crowley asks, with a low voice

“Well… Hum… It’s difficult… To be a woman… In this world… And a lesbian…”

“Oh…”

Silence.

Understanding.

“Humans are so stupid. I don’t understand what they have against women.”

“I can’t give you an answer…”

“Well...”

New silence.

“Did… Someone hurt you?” Maggie asks

“Well… It’s difficult… To be a Demon… In Hell…”

“You look like this friend I had.”

“Oh.”

“She manages better now but…”

“There’s no escape for me Maggie. I’m a Demon. God sent me to Eternal Punishment Land.”

“Can you escape with us at least? A little bit?”

Crowley is so exhausted right now.

Maggie gently press her shoulder.

“Let’s go back to your flat.”

“But… Nina… Muriel…”

“I’ll call them.”

Crowley pulls on her headphones again. They walk until the next bus station to discover there is no bus because of the strike.

Maggie noticed Crowley had trouble walking :

“I’m sorry… Looks like we have to walk.”

“I shouldn’t have invented the strike. Really. It worked too well.”

Maggie laughs.

“My car is not far.”

“Can you walk? There’s a Boot’s. We can buy a cane for you.”

She shows her the Boot’s behind her.

Crowley looks at that human and wants to cry.

“No don’t worry. I have mine.”

She makes her cane appear from nowhere and they get to Crowley’s car.

When Muriel and Nina come back to Crowley’s flat, after collecting their stuff, they find them wrapped into Crowley’s feathers, playing peacefully with it. They are joined by a pair of white wings and peace grabs them during few hours.

Chapter Text

Aziraphale has been feeling off for a while now.

It’s strange feeling. A strange absence of feeling. Like… Like he isn’t really there. He’s only a spectator watching a terrible film. He doesn’t like that film. He wants to jump on the part where he kisses his love interest.

Kiss.

The feeling has disappeared. His body doesn’t remember it.

It’s like being a blank page. On a blank Heaven. Isn’t Heaven too white?!

It’s something he felt, or rather didn’t feel, several times when he had to report to Heaven. But then he could return to Earth afterwards.

He could explose his ears to loud noises on the busy streets of London.

He could go eat, drink, intoxicate himself and play with Crowley. Oh he wants to feel his skin on his own everywhere, he wants to drown into him.

As the feeling intensifies and turn into a black hole that threatens to devour him, Crowley holds him. After all the Starmaker knows a lot about black holes… The Demon is an anchor.

Everything is too white. It’s not supposed to be that white. His hands shouldn’t be that blank either.

He can’t breath.

Everything is too white. He’s turning mad again.

The loud whistling. No. It’s happening !

He needs stimulation, physical sensations.

He pulls off his wings and begins to nervously chew the left one.

If the archangels see him like that again they will…

Panic explodes in his brain, everything is too white and loud and he needs sensations and it’s not enough, ripping out his feathers is not enough

It’s not enough. It’s nothing. He’s disappearing again.

Chapter Text

Muriel can’t breathe.

Too many people.

Too much noise.

Colours.

Blurry movements.

Screams.

Sounds.

Muriel squeeze Crowley’s arm with force.

“Muriel… We can go out if you want.”

“Noooo…”

“Muriel… Breathe with me…”

“Guh!”

Crowley hugs Muriel against his chest, to hide his little bird from the world. Well… Disneyland. The world may be a little crowded at the infamous amusement park right now.

Muriel is panicking. The Angel may experience that sensation for the first time in their life. They want to live things and Crowley provides.

“Muriel, if you don’t want to go into the Space Mountain, we can go out.”

“Want to do…”

“Do what?”

“Space Mountain.”

“Okay. Then we’ll do it.”

It was a beautiful day in the beginning. Until they reached the rollercoaster waiting line. Now Muriel is shaking like a leaf. They wanted to try Space Mountain. Discover sensations. But now they feel like dying.

“Are you sure you want to do it Muriel? There is no shame in retreat.”

“Want to do… Space Mountain.”

“Alright. I’m gonna use a little trick so we have less time to wait...”

Muriel is too dizzy to understand that time goes faster thanks to Crowley. Why do they feel like they are gonna die? Why do they want to do the rollercoaster if they feel like that? They don’t understand what is going on in their head.

Crowley takes their hand.

“Everything will be alright. You gonna discover a new experience. You gonna be fine.”

Then they reach the rollercoaster in itself. It was a weird train but Muriel likes it. Flying trains were always a splendid invention.

Crowley guides them to sit into the tiny space, and settles the large security harness bar around them.

Muriel’s vision blurry again.

“Muriel, hold the bar with your hands. Glue yourself to the seat. Try to maintain your head as straight as possible. It’ll help you feeling less dizzy. Okay?”

No oxygen gets out of Muriel’s mouth.

“Don’t hesitate to shout as loud as you can. It will help you release anxiety. And the ride is noisy so nobody will hear.”

The train turns on brutally and begin to move.

“It’s not on yet. We have to get to the launching ramp.”

The train stop in the dark.

The ceiling is opening. A voice is telling things. Muriel’s brain can’t understand the sounds.

“We’re going be catapulted soon Muriel.” Crowley explains, neutrally.

The ceiling is closing and everything turns black again.

A red spiral appear.

Number.
3

2

1

Catapult.

The train is catapulted into space, and Muriel is flying into stars, and planets and everything is blurry in their mind and their body.

Nothing makes sense and stars are printing themselves in their retina.

Muriel doesn’t weigh anything. They fly across the constellations at a surreal speed, with the soothing presence of a Demon friend at their side.

Muriel holds out their arms to grab the stars, to bring them back to Earth with them, to give them to Crowley and maybe his friend will be able to see how beautiful...

The landing is brutal and an incredible force projects Muriel against the harness.

They doesn’t understand.

Crowley unties himself and helps Muriel to get out of the train.

Gravity hit the poor Angel with full force and they would crash on the ground without Crowley’s help.

“Ça va Madame?” The train agent asks, to know if Muriel is all right

“Ne vous inquiétez pas, on va faire une pause dehors, sa tension va remonter.” Crowley answers because the Demon knows that Muriel’s pressure will go back to normal after a break (and Muriel probably doesn’t have a blood pressure)

“Eh Mademoiselle il faut vous faire accompagner par un vrai homme …” A young guy guetting out of the train with his friends spits, because apparently he is enough of a man to help Muriel’s out

“Va t’acheter un gode sur Amazon alors!” Crowley snaps

The Demon manages to get Muriel out of the Space Mountain area.

“Don’t feel good…” Muriel whispers, as blank as Heaven

“Toilets then.”

Crowley gets them into the female toilets to avoid them another surprise.

And Muriel throws up. It’s the most annoying and disgusting experience in their long life, and they lived in Heaven!

Crowley holds them so they don’t crash on the ground. The Demon tries to block their hair, for obvious reasons.

Outside the toilets, a woman makes a security area to give them space. Someone offers handkerchiefs to Crowley for Muriel. Another woman gives Crowley mints sweets.

After few minutes, Muriel’s stomach is empty. They begin to feel a bit better and the world around them is more stable.

Then… The taste.

The acid.

A wounded whine escapes their lips. What can they do to stop THAT?!

“Come here. We are going to clean you.”

Still supporting them, Crowley guides them to the sink. Muriel still feels too weak to stand on their own.

“For your first time on a rollercoaster, you survived pretty well.” Crowley offers, gently.

He puts some handkerchiefs under the water, and offers them to Muriel. The Angel is lost, dizzy and the acid disturbs them too much.

“Let me help. You’ll feel better, don’t worry.”

The beginning of their day was too soft, maybe. Crowley should have trained Muriel on another rollercoaster before Space Mountain. But… Crowley was so enthusiastic seeing the rollercoaster! Muriel couldn’t let the opportunity to understand better the Demon go away.

Too fast.

Crowley always goes too fast with Angels.

Still, the Demon tries to stay calm to not disturb Muriel more.

“Look. Wash your hands and use them to clean your mouth.”

Crowley demonstrates the gesture to use to drink water with hands, in case Muriel doesn’t know it.

Muriel follows Crowley’s instruction and soon, the dizziness begins to fade and they use their hands to drink a bit. It’s a bit strange… It’s the first time they use their hands to do that.

Crowley notes how Muriel’s face is colorful again. They can stand on their own.

“Good?”

“Yeah. It really was a very unpleasant experience.” Muriel answers, with a pout

Crowley chuckles.

“I’m so sorry Angel… It was your first time on a rollercoaster. We should have trained you on something more smooth before…”

“I liked the rollercoaster. It’s the… Vomiting part I don’t like.

“Oh. I can understand you. Here… Let me clean the toilet and then I’ll show you something more pleasant to put into your mouth.” Crowley offers

Crowley goes inside the cabin and closes the door to hide his miracles. Then he brings Muriel in a tiny space outside with tables and a shop selling food.

“Sit. Rest. Let me get you something.”

Muriel nods weakly.

When the Demon is gone, they take time to reflect on their experience. Because now they have experiences. And what an experience Space Mountain is! It’s… Vomiting isn’t nice.

The… The thingy in their head isn’t nice too.

But!

It’s an experience.

They never thought something like that would exist. It’s… After so much time with nothing now they have everything and their eyes are watery again!

Why didn’t they have Space Mountain before? What if there is more to experiment?! There is more. So much more!

They want. They shouldn’t. But they want. Will they Fall because they want? Becoming like Crowley isn’t scary. Being hurt like Crowley is scary.

“Oh Angel, I’m so sorry I should have brought you to another rollercoaster...”

Crowley is back with two pink clouds and beverages.

“I liked Space Mountain.

“Why are you crying then?”

They tried to get back to what they were thinking.

“I want more experiences like that. I spent so much time without it.”

“I can understand that.”

So much time without love and care, and now his drug dealer is gone.

Chapter Text

“I shouldn’t want anything. I’m an Angel of the Lord.” Muriel argues, sadly

“Angel… You won’t Fall because you are living experiences.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes. And if God is angry at you because you want to have fun and fly fast, I’ll go talk to Her because everyone should calm down a little bit.”

“?!”

“Here. Eat a cloud.”

Crowley gives a pink cloud to Muriel. They eat it without questions. Crowley feels proud of them.

“OH! Sugar!”

“Yes! It’s called barbapapa in French. I wonder what Freud would say about it...”

Why do people want to eat daddy’s beard?! French people are very strange.

“Does it hurt?” Muriel asks, between bites of pink cloud.

“What?”

“To Fall.”

“Yes.”

Crowley tries to stay calm by eating.

“I like you. I won’t be sad to turn like you.”

“Well… I don’t think you would like the hurting process.”

“No I won’t. I’m pretty sure of it. But… I’m not really sure about what the Fall is. No one knows. We saw the Fall. But not all the process or the landing. I wanted to see files. I had access to some but… Not everything. And it’s not like living it you know. You could have told me what Space Mountain was like, it’s different to be inside it…” Muriel babbles nervously.

They want to know. They are scared about the Fall, sometime (a lot). Maybe they’ll be less scared if they understand what it is.

Crowley knows. The fear they have… Aziraphale had the same. Crowley didn’t answer to him and now Aziraphale is back to Heaven. Aziraphale doesn’t understand how cruel Heaven is because Crowley never told him.

Crowley doesn’t want to answer Muriel. It’s painful. But… Maybe… What if not telling this story was a mistake?

“The Fall is painful. It’s the most painful experience ever. The landing is too. Then…”

Crowley sigh.

“The other Demons get you. They… They… Give you more pain.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. The Fall was pretty efficient… The aftercare is a waste of resources if you want my opinion…”

“So why do they do it if it’s a waste of resources?”

“There is a group of Demons who like inflicting pain. They thrive on the pain and despair they inflict on other living beings. If you see them, discorporate yourself. You better be stuck in Heaven.”

“Why do they do that?!”

Are they talking about torture between chocolate and coffee drink ?!

“I think they don’t know how to live and feel. So they turn into parasites, absorbing life from others.”

“Oh.”

“There is other Demons who obey orders because what else do you want to do? You can see another group that thinks you should suffer as much as they suffered and are suffering.”

“It’s stupid.”

“Completely. But remember… They are Fallen too. God abandoned us. God threw us into Hell, an eternity of torture, pain, despair. We are unlovable, unforgivable. It’s like putting glasses on your nose, dirty glasses so everything you see is dirty and shitty.”

“I’m sorry. I would like to get that out of you.”

“You can’t Muriel. I’m unforgivable. It’s litterally in my DNA now. Unworthy of good things and all.”

“Tsss. What will happen if you have good things ?! You can’t Fall again.” Muriel tackles

“Oh, someone’s cheeky… That’s true but don’t underestimate Asmodeus and his gang. They always are full of ideas.”

“Did they hurt you?”

No answer.

“Can they still hurt you now?”

“They can do whatever the Hell they want.”

Silence.

“I can protect you.”

“What can you want to do against Asmodeus and his mates?”

“I’m an Angel. I have mortal weapons.”
“Don’t fight against them Muriel. It’s not worth it. Discorporate if you cross their path.”

“You worth it.”

“I don’t.”

“My superiors asked me to protect the Bookshop.”

Crowley doesn’t hold the conversation. Muriel doesn’t know how to make it last.

They test other rollercoasters but Crowley can see that Muriel isn’t as happy as they were in the beginning of their day. Muriel is afraid.

Because they were talking about the Fall. Crowley didn’t erase their fear about it. You should be afraid of the Fall. Nothing can erase that. It’s normal to be scared about that.

But. If Crowley can decrease this fear a little bit…

“Look Angel… If you Fall, I’ll catch you. I’ll tell to Hell I made you Fall. I don’t work for them anymore but I’m still a Demon. I could say that I am angry at Heaven because they took Aziraphale from me so I’m making Angels Fall as a vengeance. And I’ll put a claim on you. So you’ll be my Demon, technically speaking. That means we can stay on Earth drink chocolate, read books, and do La Maison des Poupées at Disney again and again.”

“You’ll do that? For me?” 

Muriel can’t believe their eyes.

“Yes.”

“But… Why?”

“Why do you want to fight against Asmodeus?”

Muriel had a lot to think about. It doesn’t solve the Fall problem but they feel better about it. So much better they feign to love La Maison des Poupées and the horrible song so they could drag Crowley inside several times. It took 5 times before Crowley understood Muriel is toying with him and God he’s so proud of his white wings Demon!