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Chapter Text

Loki smirks looking down as he watches his partner taking him in. Watching how he swallows his dick all the way to his well trimmed pubes. He moans around the shaft he can't get enough of. Loki runs a hand through his hair before gripping his hair tightly. He pulls him back and Steve lets out a whine of disapproval. He looks up at his dom his eyes begging to continue.

"Turn around slut." Loki looks at him with lidded eyes.

Steve smiles and does just that. He turns and puts his ass up in the air. The deity licks his lips and spits on the ring of muscle looking back at him. Without much hesitation he pushes into him. A low moan escapes from his mouth as he watches the hole suck him in. He starts to thrust into his sub whose moans start to bounce off their hallway walls.

The soldier's eyes squeeze shut as the deity slams into his prostate. His back arching as Loki pushes his chest into the wooden floor. He moans out his hands itching to grip on to something, anything. Loki sees this and interlocks their hands. Giving him what he wanted while also pinning him down. This makes Steve's stomach flip, especially when Loki leans over him and hits deeper.

"Shiiiiiit." Steve starts to scream while Loki relentlessly pounds into his prostate.

"That's it bitch. Keep screaming for me. Such. A. Good. Boy." Loki thrust with each punctuation.

The soldier's screams slowly lose constants. Turning into loud whimpers and moans. It's music to Loki's ears. Making him thrust faster. He bites down on Steve's shoulder, sucking a bruise on to the skin. He bites again as his own climax starts to get closer.

"You really are a needy slut. Begging me to fuck you right here. Couldn't even make it to the bed you were so desperate for me. Did you miss me that much, baby boy?" Loki chuckles into his ear.

"Y-yes! Yes! I missed you so much~. I need more of you." the man out of time's voice is wrapped in a desperate whine.

"Yea baby boy, a needy little slut like you. I bet you need Daddy's dick. Isn't that right?" Loki straightens up and lets go of Steve's hands.

"Yeeeeeeesssss, yeess Daddy." Steve's eyes roll back

"Say it. Say you need Daddy's dick." Loki grips his hips.

"Need it, neeed it. Need Daddy's dick. More pleeeaassee, gimme more." The soldier starts to see white dots as he slowly loses his ability to think.

"That's a good boy. So fucking obedient." Loki does just what was begged of him.

He gives him more mercilessly. All thoughts of concern go right out the window as he wraps an arm around his waist and truly slams into him. Using the floor and a bit of magic to give himself more leverage to get as deep as he can possibly go. As deep as Steve's body will allow. The speed and strength of his thrust is brutal it's definitely more than he'd normally do. Steve is loving though, every inch of his mind drowning in pleasure.

"Damn you're so tight. You're really squeezing Daddy. Are you close baby? Are you ready to cum for me?"

Steve nods enthusiastically completely unable to respond properly. So he just nods as those white dots become stars. Covering more of his vision and Steve is completely content with this. Every part of this moment makes his heart beat faster, his brain shuts down, and all he cares to think about is Loki. His only focus is the vicious abuse of his prostate. The pleasure that runs up his spine and drops right into his stomach. Pressure and heat building making him desperate for its release.

"Say my name baby boy. If you want to finish you have to say my name." Loki slows down bringing Steve back just enough.

He whines at the sudden slowing of his pleasure but nods."D-da....ddy~." He struggle to get out.

"No baby, my really name. Tell me who this ass belongs to" Loki spanks him hard his hand print forming, bright red on his ass.

"L-Lo...ki...a-all...yo-yours...Loki..." He moans softly.

"Good job baby, now scream it out as you cum." Loki speeds back up with no warning.

His thrust just a few steps away from violent, but it sends Steve right into a white void. His mind and body basking in the pure bliss of his subspace. His body relaxing as the heat of his release washes over him. He mumbles out something his mind can't even begin to register.

"T-tha...nk...y-yooou...Bu..cky." he lets out one last desperate moan.

Loki freezes, his own climax disappearing damn near instantly. He simply pulls out of Steve and looks down at his subbed out partner. He uses magic to clean him up then lays him on the couch. He ignores the constant pangs in his chest, the way it tightens and constricts, and how his heart aches. Instead deciding to focus on his subs well being. He checks the bruises he left and the bites he did. It was nothing concerning luckily. After confirming he was okay, he heads into the shower. Runs the cold water and finally lets himself cry. He sinks down and runs a hand through his hair. He bites back the sob that reaches the edge of his lips. Swallows down the pain that claws at his throat and blocks out the crushing disappointment his brain tries to remind him of.

After some time he stands up. Drapes himself in his robes and heads straight into the kitchen. He knows Steve will be waking up soon. That hell be hungry and that he probably doesn't remember what he said in his blissed out state. That in the end he thanked him. The prince closes his eyes as the sound of his name fills his head. The amount of desperation and desire it held. How it held more passion than Loki has ever heard in his own name. Even when he was in his subspace, his name never had that much emotion behind it. That's what hurts him the most. Steve hasn't seen Bucky since he went into the ice. Yet his voice still holds a more intense love for him. Like no matter what, Loki will always be second best. It's a recurring theme in his life. He's always second, always runner up, he is always in someones shadow. He's never good enough to be thought of first. Sadly, just like he did with the throne, he accepts he'll never win.

That the moment they find Bucky, Loki will become an after thought if he's lucky. There's no denying Steve will want Bucky more in the end. That he'll choose Bucky or want to choose Bucky. That if the fates are on his side Bucky won't want him back or Steve will feel too guilty to leave him. That he'll be able to see the pain him leaving would cause. But that's wishful thinking with low probability. Because of that he holds on to Steve a little too tight and he won't stop till he makes him leave. He decided a long time ago that he's going to be selfish and never let go of Steve willing no matter who gets hurt in the process.

The deity jumps as Steve wraps his arms around his waist. Steve chuckles a little and places a kiss on his back. His arms squeeze his waist.

"You're jumpy, are you okay?" He rests his cheek on his back and closes his eyes.

"...yes, I'm okay. Are you okay? I didn't go too hard, did I?" Loki keeps his eyes trained on the pan as he seasons the food.

"Yes babe, I keep telling you I handle it. I can handle anything you throw at me." Steve chuckles, nuzzling against his back.

"You're not immortal darling. I just want to make sure." Loki sighs a bit.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're not yourself right now." a bit of concern fills his voice.

"Yes, I'm okay. I just worry about your insides. About the parts I can't see." Loki dismisses him.

"Okay..." They both know its a lie.

Steve decides not to push though. Loki rarely lies to him, he promised not to. So while it does bother him that he's lying. He notices its not the usual lie. There's a fear in this one like he doesn't want to say something.

"So what are you cooking?" Steve changes the subject.

"Nothing too grand, just some dirty rice. Sam showed it to me the other day." Loki nods slowly as he recounts the instructions he gave him.

"You and Sam have been getting pretty close." Steve lets go a Loki. "I didn't know he came over." Steve leans against the counter.

"You must not remember then, I told you he did when you came home. He was looking for you. I told you to call him because he had an update on the winter situation." he stirs the rice then lets it boil.

"Yea, you said he stopped by, you didn't mention him cooking for you." Steve crosses his arms.

Loki turns the burner down and turns to Steve.

"I tried, but you ran off the moment you heard there was an update on Bucky. You locked yourself away in the gym." Loki tries, he really tries to keep his voice calm.

Does his best to hide any emotion he could possibly give off, Whether it came from his tone, the volume he speaks, the emotion in his eyes, or his stance. He really tries to hide it. To appear as calm as he possibly can. Once Steve looks him over he can tell he failed. His face gives it all away.

"I didn't lock-" Steve starts only for Loki to interrupt.

"When I came to get you to eat you refused to open the door. You said you were still on the phone. I came back a few hours later and you were running on the treadmill. When I tried to get you to come to bed with me. You said your brain was too noisy, that you would join me when you were done. You didn't come to bed till seven in the morning. So while you didn't physically lock the door. You confined yourself to that room and definitely didn't want me there." Loki's voice slowly fills with hurt.

"Lo..." Steve frowns as he starts to feel guilt build up in his chest.

"It's okay, you don't need to say anything." Loki turns back to the food to stir it as it simmers.

"No, hey listen, it wasn't on purpose. Sam told me they were starting to zero in on his location. That they spotted him on some cameras and if he stayed in that area they'd be able to finally track his exact coordinates!" There's an excitement in his voice that makes Loki shrink. "I...I don't know...my brain started remembering him...trying to come up with something to say once we found him." Steve tries to explain and it doesn't sound good enough once its out there.

Loki simply nods as he continues to stir the rice.

"Lo, please look at me."

"I'd rather not." He mumbles as he wipes away a tear that escapes him.

"Please." Steve begs.

"The food will burn." He clears his throat to try to hide the slow swell of pain in his voice.

"Lo...did i do something?" steve hesitates as he steps towards Loki.

Loki stays silent as he stirs the rice again.

"I did! Lo, please talk to me. Tell me what I did wrong." Steve shifts.

"You just hinted at me possibly having something going on with Sam." Loki stares at the very little broth that's still bubbling.

"N-no,I...I didn't mean it like that." Steve tries to back track.

"Your tone did, so did your actions. You let go of me the moment I mentioned Sam being here. The moment I said that you immediately assumed I was lying to you. That I tried to hide how long he was actually here from you."

"I..." Steve lets out a defeated huff, he knows he shouldn't lie. "Yes, okay, it crossed my mind. You've been pulling away from me. I don't know why either. So a natural conclusion would be you getting closer to someone else. Only Sam makes sense, he's been calling more, coming over a bunch, and now he's cooking for you. How could you not get emotionally involved with him." Steve stares at his back as it tenses.

"Me!" Loki yells before lowering his voice. "You're one to talk, Steven." He chuckles bitterly.

"What are you talking about?" Steve scoffs as disbelief fills his voice. "I've been trying harder and harder to keep our relationship together. All I've been doing is trying to improve us, make sure we're okay. So please tell me what I've done to make you pull away from me. Please so we can try to fix it." Steve begs and Loki sinks a little.

He has to say it now. He can't come up with a good enough lie. Nor does he want to. Loki can handle a lot of hate and accusations. His whole life has been people telling him what he's done, how he feels, and who he is. Not Steve, at least till now, he always listened and just talked with him. But now that Bucky is getting closer and closer to his grasp. Steve's the one who's been absent, Steve is the one pulling away, while Loki does all he can to keep him focused on them. So for Steve to flip it around, to try to convince him, he's not trying hard enough makes Loki snap.

"You want Bucky." the words leave harsher then he thought they would.

"Yea, he's my best friend. I want to make sure he's safe. He's been on the run and has recently been accused of murder. Can you really blame me for looking for him. For wanting him back." Steve is genuinely confused with what's wrong with that.

He doesn't understand how Loki could have a problem with that. He'd do it for Thor or Wanda. He'd probably be just as much of a mess maybe worse. So Steve does get a little annoyed and a bit hurt that Loki would try to blame that for the downfall of their relationship.

"No Steven, you want Bucky. You want him more than you want me." Loki lets a bit of hurt stain those words.

"Lo, w-what are you-"

"You keep calling out his name while we're having sex." The trickster can't hide the tremble in his voice and starts to embrace the pain that sinks in.

Steve freezes as all the color in his face washes away. He thought he was imagining it the few times he heard it. He had convinced himself that he must of been dreaming since Loki never said anything about it. But it was real and what's worse Loki had just been holding in the clear pain of it happening. That instead of talking to him about it he felt the need to hide it up until now.

"Loki-" He tries to reach out for him and Loki steps away from him.

"Please...just...don't. The food is ready. I'll talk to you later." Loki wipes his eyes as he walks past Steve.

Who grabs his arm and holds him back.

"P-please, don't go. I-I don't m-mean it." Steve begs softly.

"Twelve times Steven. You've called out his name twelve times. For so long I thought it was me. That I wasn't pleasing you enough. That you weren't enjoying yourself anymore. That you need to imagine something better, something involving him. So I started doing more: I went deeper, I went faster, harder. I did it with you whenever you asked me. Even when I really didn't want to, but you just kept calling his fucking name." Loki yanks his arm from Steve's grip before he starts to pace. "No matter what I did. Even when I went in the opposite direction. I kissed you slower, held you longer, praised every single inch of you. You'd still scream his name in the end. So don't lie to me or yourself. You want him more and that's fine. I'll still be here even when you cast me to the side. But right now..."

He stops and finally looks at Steve. He sees the hurt, the guilt, and the desperation in his eyes. He watches as he basically crumbles in front of him. Steve stares at him too scared to speak. Too worried he'll make it worse by saying the wrong thing. So he just waits for Loki to finish talking.

"R-Right now, I need a second for myself." Loki slowly backs away.

"Loki, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. P-Please don't go." He begs one more time.

"I can handle a lot, but for you to accuse me of cheating. When the only reason Sam is here is to tell you about Bucky. The only reason he cooked was for you. For you to question my loyalty to you. That breaks me in a way you'll never understand." Loki holds onto himself.

"A-are you coming b-back?" He ask softly.

Loki slowly walks towards him. He rests a hand on his cheek before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Of course, I'll always come back to you." Loki says so easily that it almost breaks them both.

Loki teleports away without another word and leaves Steve by himself. He stares at the place Loki just was. He closes his eyes desperately hoping this is all a bad dream. That when he opens his eyes Loki will still be here. It isn't, as his eyes open he realizes the apartment is dead silent. It's never been this quiet before. Steve finally sinks to the floor and cries.

He wraps his arms around his legs and puts his head between his legs. He just sits there, and he doesn't even know for how long. He shuts down completely as his brain frantically tries to make sense of what unfolded. Why he keeps thinking about Bucky? If he should leave Loki till he gets his shit together? If that'll hurt him more? If he'll ever be able to get his shit together? If he needs Bucky to do that? If finding Bucky should even matter anymore?

That's not true, he knows the answer to that question. But why was it such a definite yes? Every single time with no hesitation it's always yes. Would he feel the same if it was Loki? Would he actually choose Bucky over Loki? He hates he has to think about that and that he doesn't know the answer. One day he'll have to choose though, there's no doubt in that. He can't pretend it'll never happen.

He wants to believe he'd pick Loki. That he'd stay beside the man he want to marry. That he wouldn't hesitate or regret the decision either. He's happy, so happy with Loki. He's so kind and patient, he encourages Steve to grow, to be better. He's loving and attentive with everything he does for him. He looks out for him and that's why Steve doesn't know if he should stay. If he can even be the boyfriend Loki deserves.

Steve lays on the floor, for who knows how long, till there's a knock on the door.

Chapter Text

Steve hesitantly sits up. He'd like to believe it's Loki. That he came back already and is ready to forgive the soldier. That they can make up and act like it never happened. That Steve didn't say his past lovers name. That it was Loki he screamed out for.

He knows that's not a reality though, that his lover wouldn't knock, he'd just teleport in. That Steve has done nothing to earn his forgiveness. That Loki had every right to leave him. He can only imagine the hurt Loki is feeling. For who knows how long he's been hurting. How long the ghost of his past has been plaguing his thoughts. That it has to be someone he doesn't feel like talking to .

The knock fills the silent room with an uncomfortable repetitiveness. Whoever it was, wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. They instead knock harder and louder against the door making the once frozen man. Who feels just as cold when he first went in, stands up and walks to the door. It's slow and feels like it takes forever to get there. The only reason he keeps moving is because the knocking continues.

He opens the door to see Sam and Natasha. The veteran gives him a mostly contained look of concern while Natasha simply looks him over. She studies him openly causing him to tense while turning away.

"Do I need to suit up?" He ask softly and starts to walk away.

The surprise duo follow him in, but neither of them say anything yet. They just exchange looks with one another. Steve sits on the couch his brain barely able to focus on his unexpected guest. Especially since they've yet to say anything.

"You wanna talk about it?" Sam asks with a hesitance he normally doesn't have.

He casually looks around in search of something Steve won't bother to ask about. Instead Steve closes his eyes and his heart breaks. He sees Loki's face. The pain and sadness etched deep into his face. He groans softly, gripping at his hair.

"No, just...what are you doing here?" The soldier tries to speed through whatever it is they're here for. He was ready for whatever it was he needed to do to get this over with. He wants to go after Loki. To beg him for some kind of forgiveness. To drop to his knees, promise him the moon and the sun, commit solely to him, accept anything Loki throws at him.

"Maybe we should come back." Sam shakes his head.

He looks at Nat who simply crosses her arms, shakes her head, then tilts it towards Steve. "Steve, listen..."Sam sighs, he has a bad feeling of telling him the truth right now. He could tell Steve was hurting and he hated the idea of ignoring it. But he knew this situation was rather time sensitive so he cleared his throat. "We found him."

Steve's head snaps up and he stares intensely at Sam then Nat. He shakes his head for a second before standing up. "You found him and its really him? You're a hundred percent sure its him?" Steve grips Sam's shoulders and his gaze switches between the two in front of him frantically.

"Yes, it's him. We wouldn't be here if we had a shadow of a doubt. We know how important this is to you Steve." Nat finally speaks.

"O-Okay, okay, I need to suit up. We need to leave." Steve mumbles as he heads to their room. He grabs his phone and calls Loki.

It rings for a while but there's no answer. So Steve tries again and again and again. Even as he's walking to the jet he keeps trying. He never gets an answer and that breaks him more. He can't cry about it though. Not right now, he has a mission he needs to complete so he simply sends a text to the prince.

Steve

Loki, I'm so sorry. I really am, please believe me. Sam and Nat just stopped by. I know you probably don't want to hear this. I really hope it doesn't hurt you more but they found him. We're on our way to him now. Please call me when you get a chance.

Steve sighs as the read receipt pops up almost immediately yet no call comes in. Loki types for a second, stops, starts again then stops. Steve's shoulders sink and Sam pats his shoulder.

"Coming up on the location. Are you sure your up for this? I'd hate for this to become a double rescue mission." Sam jokes as he pretends to distract himself with Redwing.

Sam learned a bit early in their relationship that pushing Steve was never a good thing. It was much too easy to push him into shutting down. So while talking about it was a no go. He did all he could to provide support including suggesting things his brain can't focus on. Like eating, getting sleep, letting him know to take a break.

"I'll be fine." Steve takes a deep breath and forces himself to stand up straighter.

"It's okay if you're not. I can keep an eye on him till tomorrow. That would give you a chance to figure things out." Sam throws a side eye in his direction.

He takes note of the shaky breath the man out of time takes before he grips his shield tighter. He doesn't give himself time to think about it. Instead he turns to Sam who instantly meets his gaze. He sees that pain he's desperately pushing down. Sees his bloodshot eyes slowly clearing along with the puffiness around his eyes going down.

"I really need a win right now, Sam. This mission can't be for nothing. This whole thing can't be for nothing. That's not an option any more. So I'm going to get him." Steve mutters and opens the hatch of the plane. "I'll meet you down there." Steve jumps out and Sam trades looks with Nat before jumping out himself.

Loki sits on Wanda's porch staring at the text from Steve. His mind completely blank. He barely notices when Wanda opens her door. Her voice being the only thing to bounce off the still waves of his mind.

"I was waiting for you to come in on your own. Something told me that was a bad idea." Wanda sits beside him on the stairs.

"You made the right choice." He mumbles.

"Are you okay?" Wanda idly plays with her magic.

Loki just sits silently for a while. They end up staring out at the sky together letting Loki sort through his eerily mute mind.

"Steven accused me of cheating with Samuel." Loki breaks through their mute scene.

"He what?" Wanda startles.

"He said his name again. I had a hard time hiding my displeasure this time. He alluded to me having an affair with Samuel. That I've been pulling away from him while he's doing all he can to fix it. He said I had to be pulling away because I was getting emotionally involved with Samuel." Loki runs a hand through his hair pushing it back more.

"What did you say?"She speaks softly.

Loki turns to her, his eyes narrowing a little as he gazes at her.

"Why are you hiding your accent?" Loki says slowly.

Wanda forces a small smile as she meets his eyes.

"I've found people are more comfortable when I sound more American." She mumbles.

"Don't mind them, don't lose who you are."Loki mumbles back and watches as she nods.

"What did you say to Steve?" Wanda relaxes her tongue letting her accent flow freely.

It makes Loki smile and he sighs. He makes a rose appear in his hands and picks at the petals. "I told him the truth. How he's been calling out to James, how he's been ignoring me, and how he's been putting another man before." Loki stares at the rose petals now down by his feet. Using his magic he makes the petals dance in the wind.

"About time, you let this fester for much too long babe. So what happened?"

"He said sorry about a million times. That he didn't realize he was doing any of it. He said he loved me and that he didn't mean it." Loki sighs and watches as Wanda shots a little bit of magic at one of the petals.

They make a small game out of it. Loki using his magic to control every petal while Wanda tries to shoot them down. There's a small bit of peace that comes to the prince because of it. The witch laughs a little as she bumps into Loki to try and throw him off.

"Are you trying to cheat Scarlet?" Loki laughs back letting his magic duplicate the petals.

"Cheating no! I'm simply ensuring my victory." She smirks adding more little magic bullets shooting them all at once.

Before the magic can hit the roses. A blue energy shield appears blocking all of Wanda's magic. Billy laughs softly as Tommy speeds through catching all the petals. The twins step in front of the adults both laughing together. It was a very welcome change to the tense atmosphere they had around them.

"Haha we win." The twins high five.

"Way to work together boys. Did you need something?" Wanda ask her voice softening for her kids.

"No, we were just coming out to play." Billy smiles before gazing at Loki. A small frown flashes across his lips and he steps closer to Loki. Loki perks up at the sudden step towards him and leans forward. "Your mind is quiet, are you okay?" he whispers.

"I will be, once your mom admits she was cheating. She's lucky you guys came and won in the end." He jokes his smile never falls once. "Your magic is improving, you should be proud, you're becoming a great young witch." Loki leans back and they nod at each other.

Billy, just like Wanda has a connection to Loki because of their magic. It's not hard to block Billy from entering his mind. But on days where Loki isn't thinking about it they both can. He finds it a bit comforting at times to have that closeness with more than just Frigga. To have his own little coven as Wanda would put it.

"Thank you." Billy beams before nudging at Tommy. The two turn to leave.

"Don't go too far boys and remember-" Wanda calls out as the boys start to walk away.

"Always look out for each other." They finish for her, talking at the same time with a hint of annoyance. "We will mom." They wave and walk off.

"They're getting bigger, more powerful." Loki smiles softly.

"Yes they are. Billy has a hard time controlling his power sometimes. He's a lot like me when I was younger. That makes me nervous sometimes..." Wanda stands up.

"There's no need to be." Loki follows Wanda inside. "I can help him out. It'll be nice to have a reason to get out of the house soon." Loki mumbles.

"Oh? Loki is this Steve situation worse than you're letting on."

"They just found James, they're on their way to get him now." he stares at his phone. He sees his reflection in the black screen and sighs to himself. "I have a feeling our house will be rather empty because of it. So if I can spend that alone time with my coven. I might be able to get through the chaos that's about to hit." Loki takes a sip of the water Wanda offers him.

"You're always welcome here Loki. You don't need a reason, but I'll talk to Billy and see if he wants that help. You'll make it through and who you'll be when you come out the other side is completely up to you. I encourage you to not let the pain swallow you up babe. To become stronger than before you went in. Your coven will be here for you all you have to do is call or just show up. We'll have your back Darling." Wanda grabs his hand.

He feels tears start to prick in his eyes. "When I was a kid it was just me and Frigga. I was a bother to Thor and his group. They only brought me along because I was a great strategist. I kept them from getting killed and that's all that mattered. When I asked them to help me with something they all would ignore me and tell me it wasn't important enough to help me with. I was always pushed to the side..." Loki pauses and takes a sip of the water. He leans back letting his magic catch him as Wanda sit on the counter. "That is why I fell in love with Steve. Even after the Battle of New York, he still found value in me. He saw me for who I really was. I miss those days when he looked at me with so much desire. With so much admiration, like he couldn't live without me. Now...now he can barely spare me a glance when James comes up. It almost like I don't exist when he's mentioned. I can only imagine how much worse that will be when he finally saves the man he's been after for months now." Loki watches as Wanda weaves her magic through her fingers.

"You should call him babe." she gives him a look and he sighs.

"Yea, I've put it off long enough. I'll be back tomorrow." Loki stands up and kisses her forehead. "Thank you for letting me talk, Scarlet." The two hug before Loki teleports back home.

Chapter Text

Natasha lands the jet and looks back at the men. Sam is watching as Steve checks the magazine of his gun. He's very quiet, more quiet than usual. The counselor looks up as the spy walks up to him.

"You need to go with him." She says softly.

"I know, he's not gonna let me follow him but I'll be close by." Sam whispers back as he continues to watch Steve.

"I know you're talking about me." Steve mumbles.

"We weren't trying to hide it." Nat shrugs and walks towards him."Your head isn't in the right place. You're putting yourself in harm's way. You really should wait like Sam suggested." Nat gives him a stern look.

"He's waited long enough and with all who's after him. He'll probably be gone if we wait. I'm going in there and bringing my best friend back. End of discussion."

With that Steve grabs his shield and dives out the jet. Leaving them no room to argue anymore. He's not stopping when he's this close. Eight months, its been eight long months since they started looking for him. If he gets away it could be another eight months. Maybe even longer if Bucky had caught on at any point. He's going after his best friend, he has to.

The captain rolls to cushion his fall and stands up. With his shield on his back he silently enters the building Sam had told him Bucky was in. He had been living his life the best he could. He moved five different times never really staying in one place for very long. They got lucky this time actually finding the exact place he was staying. He's been here for about a month and a half.

The kind soldier sneaks up the stairway his mind buzzing with a million questions. He doesn't know what to say first. What to ask him first. If they'll even get a chance to talk or if Bucky will just start fighting. If when his longest best friend sees him, if he'll even recognize him. If he'll see him as a friend or an enemy first. Either way he'll do everything in his power to bring him home. He has to come home.

Steve stops at his door. He knows he's not home. He casually picks the lock to the oddly empty stairway. The whole building is silent if not for the occasional light from the windows on the outside of the building you could convince him its abandon. He enters the apartment, a sickly yellow glow covers the room. Once Steve shuts the door he allows himself to look around. Newspapers cover the windows making it clear its the source of the glow.

He approaches a nearby wall also covered in newspaper clippings. He takes the time to read a few of them realizing every quickly its all stories about him and the killings Bucky did. That he also wrote notes on them.

Senator Found Dead In His Own Home.
Bastard deserved it. It was too quick a death if you ask me.

World War Two Hero Found Frozen After Sixty Years of Searching
I wonder how long they looked for me?
Did he dream or was he just in darkness?

Steve sighs softly as he stares the note. Of course he looked for him. He spent weeks out there digging through snow like it was dirt. He ignored his freezing hands and soaked clothes. All he wanted was to find him, to save him again. He closes his eyes as he tries to hold back the memories that flood back to him.

Steve sits next to Bucky as he slams back another shot.

"Save some for the rest of us. We don't know when the next shipment is coming in." Steve jokes as he stops him from filling the cup up again.

"That's easy for you to say. You weren't tortured for the last week." He spits a little bitter. "I'm surprised you aren't drinking. You could've died or worse been caught for going after me."

"Yea, I don't know why but I've always been willing to die for you." Steve shrugs as he pushes the bottle of whiskey across the table.

"When'd you start takin' care of me?" Bucky leans on his hand as he stares at Steve. He's less disoriented now that he's had time to rest. He finally has time to really take in his best friend's new form.

He was a lot bigger now in every single way. His face was fuller and for once he looked healthy. His ribs weren't visible through his shirt anymore. If anything all he could see was his newly broad chest in his way too tight shirt. He even got taller now finally being eye level with him. He's changed a lot and if not for the look in his eyes he wouldn't have believed it was really his best friend.

"I've always been taking care of you jerk. This is just the first time you didn't have to save me because of it." Steve nudges him and Bucky chuckles softly.

"Yea, you're not the fragile kid I used to save every other day. Guess you won't need me anymore." The brunet forces out a laugh to try and hide the pain coming through his voice.

"I'll always need you Buck. We got a war to win after all. We're just fighting together for once. Like it should've been." Steve smiles at him and doesn't hide the affection in his eyes.

"Yea, it'll be easier now that you can actually hold your own. Thanks for saving me." Bucky holds up his fist as he returns to the look.

"Of course Buck, I'll always come back for you. You saved me for almost two decades straight. The least I could do is save you a few times. Don't go making a habit out of it jerk." He side bumps his held out fist.

"Whoa, I never put a limit on how much I saved your skinny ass, Punk. You getting selfish on me Stevie?" Bucky laughs as he shoves the blonde.

"We are in a war after all but no Buck, I'll always save you till the end of the road." He laughs.

"Till the river runs dry." He does his best to hold off kissing the man before him. Knowing they're in public and probably have eyes on them already.

Steve chuckles softly as he shakes his head as he moves on to the next clipping.

Billionaire Couple Howard and Maria Stark Die in Tragic Car Crash
They didn't suffer for long, I remember that much.

Steve frowns at that. He never met Maria but he was friends with Howard. They drank together a few times and spent some long nights in the lab together. To know his life was ended prematurely by his best friend hurts in more than one way. Hearing how Tony was truly devastated when they died made it worse. He still has survivors guilt knowing he should've been there with them that night. That the only reason he wasn't was because he was too intoxicated and his father didn't want to be embarrassed.

When he believed it was a car crash it was just tragic but now knowing it was planned. Who knows what would've happened if Tony had gone with them. How different his life would've been not having Tony with them anymore. All the tech that wouldn't have been built. If they could've won that battle with Loki. To stop himself from spiraling any further he moves on.

New York Saved Thanks to the Avengers
A new group of heroes just appears?(bit convenient)
Their leader looks so familiar? Why can't I remember who you are?

Steve weakly smiles, a new memory entering his mind.

"Ya need to pick your fights better." Bucky sighs as they walk out of an alley.

He had just saved his sickly thin boy from another fight with a man twice his size.

"What kinda man would I be if I ran from a fight cause he's bigger? Everyone is bigger than me Buck. I'd be runnin' till I die if I ever did that shit. If I'm dyin', Imma die fightin'." Steve huffs and looks away from his friend.

"Then ya should probably stop pickin' fights to begin with." Bucky copies his frustration before pulling a paper. "Forget it, listen I'm shippin' out tomorrow so tonight's out last night together." Bucky bumps him gently and Steve huffs.

"I wanna come with ya Buck." He frowns.

"I know Stevie but it's for the best that ya don't. I can't spend the whole war protectin' ya from both sides." He shakes his head with a soft smirk on his lips. "Speakin' of don't get yourself killed while I'm gone."

"I'm never gonna stop tryin'. Ya know that right? That I'm gonna keep tryin' till they let me in or I go to jail tryin'." Steve puffs out his chest.

"I'll make sure to visit ya while your behind bars then." Bucky stops walking and stares at Steve. "Why do ya care so much. Ya won't last a day there with your asthmatic ass." Bucky growls a bit annoyed that his partner, who has an out, refuses to take it. A lot of the men who were drafted would trade places with him in a heartbeat .

"Cause everyone on that field gets to matter. They get to make their families proud and people don't over look them. If they die they get remembered honored in the best way. When I die no one will care. No matter what I'll always be that sick kid. Too stubborn to die and too stupid to run. Might as well bring that somewhere that matters. Try to be a hero." Steve kicks at a rock.

"Ya don't need to go to war to be a hero Stevie."

"But I do to be yours." Steve looks up at the man who’s been saving him for decades, the man who he recently admitted to loving. The man who's been his everything especially now that his ma is dead. "To be worthy of ya." He whispers softly an old guilt returning to his chest.

"Come on punk, there's a fair going on." Bucky sighs, he decides it’s best to address it later in the safety of their room.

Steve stares at his hand writing. It was different, a lot different from what it used to be. It's a small detail that makes Steve's heart break a little. He pushes that pain to the side and stares at the last sticky note. 'Their leader looks so familiar? Why can't I remember who you were?' He frowns at this.

"What do you remember, Buck?" Steve mumbles to himself.

"Cap,he's here." Sam states into his ear.

"Copy." He mumbles and looks around the room making a mental note of all exit points.

There's only one door and the rest are windows. With the newspaper covering the view he doesn't know how safe they would be. He still keeps them in mind knowing his shield can cushion his fall. Steve straightens up once he hears footsteps on the stairs. The door opens so softly it would be imperceptible to normal human ears. He barely hears his footsteps anymore but he does hear the soft click of a gun being taken off its safety.

"Hey Buck, do you know who I am?" Steve asks softly.

He slowly turns around with his hands raised. He's face to face with his past lover and a Glock 19. Which is pointed right in between his eyes. The revived man stares at him for a moment before softly mumbling. "You're some kind of hero...you saved New York in some sorta invasion..." His eyes watch as Steve shifts.

"Is that all? You don’t remember anything else?" The Captain asks softly doing his best to hide the trace amount of hurt building up.

"I don't remember much...You look familiar though. I've been reading up on you. There's a museum about what ya did. Says you saved me. That we were best friends." Bucky's aim never leaves Steve's head even as his gaze shifts to the articles littering the wall. It doesn't stay there very long. He quickly cocks the gun, looking right back into the captain's eye.

"Buck we were a lot more than best friends. You...you really don't remember me? Remember us?" He freezes a bit devastated.

Steve pants looking back at Bucky. Two members of their team are wounded. They're completely surrounded and their communications have been shot. They're sitting ducks for their enemies. Bucky and Jacques barricade the door.

"Shit." Steve pants as he leans against the wall.

"What's the plan Cap?" Bucky tries to get him to focus.

"The plan! The plan is that we all surrender. We're completely out numbered, we don't have enough ammo to shoot our way out, and we can't even call for backup. We're all dead!" James Montgomery yells out.

"No we don't give up. We never give up. We're gonna get out of this. We will." Gabe interjects before Cap can say anything.

"Exactly, we're getting out of this. All of us. How are they looking?" Steve walks over to Jim as he tends to Pinky and Juniors' wounds.

"Pinky's aren't too bad. Bullet never left his body so as long as we don't jostle him too much he'll be okay." He stands up as he gazes at Junior. "I can't say the same about Junior though, he's losing blood fast Cap. If we don't get him help soon. He's not gonna make it." Jim whispers doing his best not to add to the panic.

Steve nods and looks around the room. He notices a vent on the ceiling. He nods a plan slowly coming into view. Bucky notices and stands up quickly motioning every one else to gather around.

"We're gonna split up. One team our evact team is leaving through that vent. I can hear a water source from it heading west. So when you guys make it through all you need to do is head north. You'll get to the temporary camp Miss Carter has set up. The other team, is playing defense. We need to distract the soldiers outside so our men can get out of here with no problems. Their focus will be on us so let's keep it there." He motions to the ceiling then to his shield.

Half of the howling commandos leave through the vent the other half walk towards the door. "Are you sure you wanna stay here Buck? I wouldn't blame you for leaving."

"You kidding me. We said we'd always be there for each other. That we'd always stay and fight together. I'm not breaking my word till I die punk. I'm here till the end of the road." Bucky holds up his fist.

"Till the river runs dry, jerk." Steve pulls him into a hug. "Just in case we don't make it. I love you James." Steve whispers in his ear.

"I love you too Steve." He whispers back with no hesitation.

Steve stares at Bucky barely recognizing the man in front of him. He frowns biting back the emotions bubbling to the surface as his first love looks at him like he's a stranger. The ex-fist for hydra glaring deep into the eyes of the war's poster child. He says nothing simply watching as his shoulders sink more and more. A part of him is confused why it matters so much if he remembers him or not. Why did he go out of his way to track him down? How was he able to track him? What he'll do now that he's found him.

"It's fine, we can work on that later. If you'll...if you'll come with me." Steve shifts his stance and Bucky lowers his gun for just a second.

"Where are you gonna take me?" His voice has a dangerous underlying tone to it. One that makes Steve have to suppress a shiver.

"Somewhere safe. Where we can work on getting you back to normal. Back to the Bucky I grew up with. Somewhere you'll be able to call home. You won't have to run anymore. I'll be there with you. Be able to protect you. Fight with you again. You don't need to run anymore, you don't have to face any of this alone." Steve steps towards him.

"Why, why would you do that for me?" His metal hand twitches as his glare darkens.

"We promised we'd always be there for each other, have each other's back till we die. Clearly we aren't dead yet. Please come with me?" Steve's voice carries a deep desperation one that makes Bucky hesitate.

"CAP! You got company." Sam's voice breaks through with a bit of panic. "A lot of company. You won't be able to take them all. You need to get out of there."

"Shit, James please. Just come with me. I can protect you." Steve holds his hand out.

Bucky uncocks his gun and quickly tucks it into his waistband. He pushes past Steve and smashes his arm into a floorboard and pulls out a backpack. He glances at Steve one more time before jumping out a window and on to the roof of a building. Right then the door gets kicked in. Several men in black military gear aim guns at him. The Captain groans as he grabs his shield. He blocks multiple bullets being fired at him a lot of them bouncing off his shield and going right back to the shooters.

Steve quickly runs after Bucky sparing no time for the sudden enemies. He jumps out the window rolling on to a roof and looking up to spot Bucky at the very edge. Once Steve stands up Bucky starts shooting. Easily gunning down the men with deadly accuracy. It's not enough though. Very quickly, surprisingly quick, almost like they knew he was coming. They're surrounded.

The blonde moves towards the brunet and starts to shield him. Using his own gun he starts to shoot back. Taking out only a fifth of the men closing in on them. As Steve gets closer and closer to Bucky, who's inching towards the edge. They both freeze for a second a small impending doom dawning on them.

They have no way of escape. They're too high up to jump even with the shield and the serum. They don't have nearly enough ammo. Just like all those years ago only this time. This time Bucky won't be fighting beside him. The soldier won't be fighting to keep him alive. They won't be having each other back. That hurts Steve more than any bullet could ever attempt.

He loses focus feeling like he's failed on every possible front. He failed his mission. He failed the man he promised to always protect. The man who always took care of him. Most of all he failed Loki. He unknowingly made him suffer for months and it was all for nothing.

"Sam!" Steve calls out, suddenly remembers his back up.

"Shield up Cap." Sam swoops in and uses his wings to protect him and Bucky.

Meanwhile Natasha uncloaks the jet and releases round after round upon the army. Steve looks at Bucky as he stares at Sam. That dark look returning as he spears Sam. He starts to rain down punch after punch. Sam shields himself and blocks a few of the punches.

"What the hell man, I just saved your life." Sam yells as Steve comes over and pulls him off.

"Buck, Bucky calm down. It's fine he's good. He's on our side." Steve stands in between them as he looks at Bucky. "It's okay Buck. You're safe." Steve gives him a reassuring smile.

Bucky stands down and adjust his metal arm. Untensing it as he simply stares at both the men.

"We just proved we can keep you safe. Get on the jet and come with me. I'll keep you safe. I'll have your back. Till the end of the road." Steve holds up his fist.

That triggers something in Bucky. His glare softens and he gives him the slightest nod. He doesn't know why. He doesn't understand it but those words brought relief to him. Took tension off his shoulders for the first time in a long time. So he decides to trust him. To follow him wherever it is he's trying to take him.

They follow Sam to the rendezvous point. Where Natasha is already waiting with the jet open. She storms out and slaps Steve the moment his close enough. Afterwards she pulls him into a hug then glares at him.

"We told you to wait. You almost died. Are you trying to get hurt?" she screams out.

Sam encourages Bucky to follow him into the jet. Bucky stares at him and Sam gives him a pointed look as Natasha keeps her eyes trained on Steve.

"Trust me, you don't wanna be here for a Nat lecture. Let's go, get you some real food." He mumbles and walks on not checking that Bucky is still following him. He does after Steve nods, signaling its okay for him to leave.

"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to spare. I needed him. I needed to get him back." He pleads his case.

"Yea well now you have him. So what are you going to do Steve?" She crosses her arms.

"Help him become who he's meant to be."

"And who is that Steve?"

"My best friend."

"Your lover." Natasha corrects him.

"No...it's not like that. I saved him cause I promised him I always would."

"So what are going to do when you can't help him. When he can't return to who he used to be. You don't know what he went through. You don't even know if you'll be able to get him back. Will you be able to accept him if he doesn't. Will you be able to let him go and accept a new version of him?"

"My Bucky is in there. I know he is." Steve pushes past her.

He tries not to think about Nat's words. He knows there's truth in them, that there was a warning in them. That if he focuses too hard on who Bucky used to be he'll be nothing but crushed. Of course Steve ignores it. He has Bucky back and he's gonna fix him. He's going to be there for him every step of the way. He's saved him before and he'll do it again and again until he dies.

As he walks onto the jet Bucky is watching as Sam rambles to him about something. The veteran is checking his bruised knuckles. Steve sits beside Bucky and pats his shoulder.

"Does he always talk this much?"

"No, but if I didn't fill this silence with something I'd probably die of awkwardness." Sam mumbles before looking at Steve. "Anything from Loki?" He ask softly.

Steve's eyes widen and he quickly pulls out his phone. He completely forgot about his partner. That he had spent an hour trying to get in touch with him. He was so caught up in the aftermath of the fight that he didn't bother to check his phone. He sees Loki's name in the notifications and can't help the excitement as he clicks on it.

Loki

Good Luck Darling
Call me when you're done

Chapter Text

Steve tears up as he beams at the text. He walks towards the back corner doing his best to get a little privacy. He hesitates for just a second before he clicks on Loki's name. His anxiety spikes at the fear that Loki won't answer. It rings a few times then finally the line connects.

"Hello Darling." Loki's voice comes through smoothly.

He smiles immediately all the anxiety and fear from just mere seconds ago washes away instantly. He didn't realize just how much it hurt him that Loki wasn't responding to him. That he could feel so much relief just from hearing his voice. He stands up a bit taller and wills his mouth into finally speaking.

"Hey handsome." he bites his lip now wondering where they stand.

"So, how did it go?" There's a bit of hesitance in his question. Like he doesn't really want to hear the answer.

"We got him...but we almost died. I think it was an ambush. No it was. They knew we were coming. We all got out completely unscathed thanks to Sam and Nat. They both told me to wait. That I wasn't thinking clearly. I ignored them and I slipped up because of it. I didn't notice how convenient the whole thing was. How easy it all was. That it was too easy. I should've picked up on it. I should've known." Steve huffs.

Thinking back on it, of course it was a trap. They always had a hard time finding Bucky. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, they were able to pinpoint not only the building he was in, but also the exact apartment he was staying in. That there wasn't a single soul in the building. That no one could detect the soldiers that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. That the sheer amount of them wasn't possible in such a short amount of time. Not to mention them only appearing once Bucky was home.

"Steve, don't beat yourself up too much. In the end you all got out safely. You're all safe. That's all that matters." Loki tries to comfort his partner.

The captain bites his lip before nodding and looking over at Bucky. He's in the exact same spot still staring at Sam as he rambles on. He sighs realizing that even though Loki was rightfully angry at him he still wished him good luck. He's still doing his best to support him. Steve looks away and stares at the floor tears starting to brim his eyes.

"Um...L-Loki...are you..."Steve can't help but trail off as he chokes on the question he's trying to ask.

He's absolutely terrified to ask if he's back home. He wishes he wasn't, that he could ask and know Loki would say yes. That it was an easy one hundred percent. But it's not, its closer to a seventy-five twenty-five percent and the higher percent isn't in his favor. He swallows nervously and looks at the phone to make sure Loki's silence is just him being patient. He sees the seconds slowly raising the duration of the call. Of course Loki is just being patient with him. When has he ever been the opposite?

Steve takes in a slow, steady breath before asking. "Are you...home?" his voice had softened and he squeezed the phone tighter as Loki gently replies.

"...Yes, I'm home." Steve hears shuffling before Loki speaks again. "I just needed a few hours to calm down. If I had known you'd be heading out on a mission I would've stayed to wish you luck in person."

"It's alright that you didn't. Loki I'm so sorry I really am. I didn't realize what I was doing. How I was hurting you. If I could go back I wou-" Steve starts to ramble desperately want to convey how badly he messed up.

Only for Loki to cut him off. "Darling it okay, I know how important Bucky is to you. I would probably be the same way if something happened to Wanda or Thor. Look he's safe now so we can put all that behind us. Let it stay back there." Loki tries to sound cheerful but Steve can tell it's not genuine.

"Right...behind us." Steve glances at Bucky and goes quiet.

With how much they put into this mission they never actually had a plan for afterwards. Maybe its cause they always had their doubts about finding him. About being able to save him. Now that it's done, now that he's here they gotta make space for him. Steve is now stuck on what to do. he wants Bucky close. To be able to help him when he needs it but he doesn't want to force Loki to stay with him either. He knows if he ask, Loki will most likely say yes. That the god would think of what Steve wants only. He thought that maybe Sam could take him in, but after he attacked and now won't talk to him. He severely doubts that Sam will say yes. Natasha is currently between homes too so he can't ask her. Everyone else, they don't know Steve did this. That he risked everything for his best friend.

"Do you have a place for him to stay? A safe house or anything?" Loki ask softly assuming his partners silence has to do with Bucky.

"No, this mission was very sudden. There's not many places he can actually stay. Since this is all off the books I can't convince Tony or Fury to lend me a safe home. I was going to ask Sam to take him in but based of how they're interacting now I don't think he's gonna say yes." Steve mumbles mostly thinking out loud.

"Don't worry about it Darling. He can stay with us." Loki sighs a little.

"R-really, are you sure? Cause I can figure something out. I'd hate for you to be uncomfortable or get hurt again." Steve bites his lip as he tries to hide the building excitement in his chest.

Having Bucky so close makes his heart beat faster. The fact that he didn't have to ask, that Loki suggested it instead. He hopes this is the beginning of a blossoming friendship. That with Loki willingly letting him in his home might be the best thing to happen yet. That no one has to be hurt or sacrifice anything. That it's all going to work out.

"I'll be okay. I know you'll do nothing but worry about him anyway." Loki tries not to sound too bitter.

If he did Steve didn't notice whatsoever. He was beyond excited to have his best friend and his boyfriend under the same roof. That everything was going to work out.

"Thank you so much Loki. I promise I'll make this up to you. Whatever you want me to do I'll do. Whatever boundary you set, I'll follow it religiously. Thank you so, so much babe." Steve beams.

"I'll hold you to that Darling." Loki chuckles to cover the pang in his chest. "I'll see you when you get here. I'm going to make sure the guest room is ready for him. Bye Darling, I love you."

"I love you too babe and thank you again. I'll be home soon." He hangs up and walks back over to Sam. Who at this point has resorted to staring aggressively at his phone. He's doing his best to ignore the fact that Bucky is still staring at him.

"Oh thank God." Sam takes off once Steve is standing in front of Bucky.

"Hey Buck." Steve smiles as he sits beside him.

Bucky sighs and looks at him. "You aren't safe with me Steve. You need to drop me off somewhere and never look back." For once that thousand yard stare is gone. His eyes have a pleading desperation in them one that makes Steve frowns.

"It's alright Bucky, I can handle anything you throw at me. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you ever again. I'm with you till the end of the road, till the river runs dry." Steve holds up his fist and Bucky side bumps it, the ghost a smile twitching at his lips.

"Guess we took that promise a bit too seriously huh?" Bucky tries to joke and Steve beams at him.

"Yea I guess we did. Fate wanted us together." He laughs as he bumps his side.

Steve stares at Bucky who looks right back. His eyes still have that distance although he seems a lot closer now. The Captain doesn't quite understand why or what prompts his more distant looks. But he'll gladly take what he can get. If he's becoming more human, more present, then he'll welcome it with open arms. His best friend is slowly coming back to him.

"Ya know I've been curious. How did you get to this decade?" Sam appears out off nowhere.

Bucky's face falls and that far away look comes right back. He stares at Sam before mumbling. "I got too...uncontrollable for them. When I got too human they used to shock me into submission one day it didn't work the way they wanted. So they started putting me under between missions. I was in and out of Cryosleep for years, probably decades. Turns out you still dream when your under. You're actually trapped in them. You can't wake up or change it either. For a while they would bled into my missions. Made the real world indistinct from the dreams. It was hard to determine what was really happening." Bucky looks off to the side.

"I'm guessing you didn't have a lot of sweet dreams?" Sam mumbles.

"I was forced to become the fist of Hydra. I was conditioned into killing any and everyone they told me to. I remember every single killing I've ever done. Some of them replayed in those dreams. Reminded me of the monster I had become. How I couldn't save myself." Bucky offers and Sam nods.

"Listen, I'm a PTSD counselor for veterans. If you ever wanna talk about anything I'm always willing to listen. You never have to go through anything alone." Sam gives him a rather stern look before walking off again.

"He's a lot." Bucky mumbles.

"He's just getting a feel for you. He's a good person, helped me a lot. But if you don't wanna give him a chance maybe Loki can help."

"Loki?" he looks at Steve.

A light blush tints his cheeks before he clears his throat.

"Yea, he's my boyfriend. You'll be seeing him a lot. He can use magic and might be able to help you. If he can't I'm sure he knows someone who can. He's great and I think you'll like him." Steve smiles.

Bucky nods slowly and looks off to the side. His eyes locking onto a metal hook. One very familiar to him.

Chapter Text

Bucky sits on the ground staring at his most recent assignment. Their blood spreading across the asphalt like its reaching out for him. He squeezes his eyes shut desperate for a different image. For new scenery. Preferably one with way less blood and no assignment.

His eyes open and he sees his reflection first. Like always he's in his winter soldier gear minus the mask. He clinches his fist as he starts to hear those all too familiar words.

"Longing." the voice says slowly.

Bucky huffs as he's pushed to the back of his mind.

"Rusted."

Like a video game cut scene he's completely trapped in the moment.

"Seventeen."

His mind becomes wider once more feeling like a prison cell.

"Furnace."

He shivers knowing he's not alone in this cell.

"Nine."

He turns to his left seeing the soldier coming forward.

"Benign."

He steps in front of him desperate to stay in control.

"Homecoming."

The soldier keeps moving like he's not there. Easily pushing past him.

"One."

He stands in front of the control console in his mind.

"Freight Car."

Bucky tries one more time to gain control and doubles over as he hears himself scream. The shock rattles his brain and only hurts him. The soldier doesn't react at all.

"Soldier?" The voice ask.

Bucky finally sees the source of the voice and frowns. It's no one he recognizes. None of the previous people who tormented him for decades. No this person is new. Tall and nonthreatening. Someone he'd never expect to need the soldier's help.

"Ready to comply." He hears his voice respond.

"Perfect. Brief him on his new target. Then set him free, he's already late." His new leader smirks as they walk away.

As he's handed a file with a photo attached. A familiar scene overlays it, slowly integrating till the old scene is all he sees. It's one of his first assignments to be exact. It's a man in his mid forties a politician with the wrong kinda friends. He's tasked with eliminating him however he sees fit. So the Soldier lays on his stomach looking through the scope of his M4A1. He silently lines up the shot completely ignoring the woman sat across from him. He pulls the trigger watching as the bullet flies through his temple. The woman's scream echoes in his mind.

The scene changes once more the soldier walks into a room. He stares blankly at a man tied up to a chair. The blurry face of his commander orders him to get rid of the victim. Without a second of hesitation he steps forward dragging the man to a tub of water. The man begs, pleading at the soldier to stop this. To let him go, his words falling on deaf ears. At least for the soldier, Bucky holds his hands over his ears trying not to hear him. Even with his ears blocked he still know what's being begged of him. A man desperate for someone to believe him. Believe he knows nothing, that he won't tell, and that he has a family. It's replaced with the sounds of gurgling as the soldier holds his head under the water. There's an attempt to get free, a squirming in the chair he's tied to, then he stiffens before falling limp. There's a tense silence filling the air.

The scene changes, Bucky stares out the windows of his eyes. Barely able to understand what he's seeing at first. A man and a woman strung up. Hanging from a light pole. Their screams have already been silenced. No one is begging him to stop anymore but the image still haunts Bucky. Seeing their faces a dark shade of blue. Their necks didn't snap. They were forced to hang there till they ran out of air.

A blurry face steps out of the shadows. "Good job soldier, onto the next." The figure starts walking and the soldier follows. "We have a new assignment for you soldier. We expect the same proficiency." They gesture to a box and it's then that Bucky notices all the guns pointed at him.

The soldier simply enters the box and sits down. He's locked into the chair and the voice keeps talking but it's all muffled as the door shuts. So instead he keeps his head down. Waits like the good soldier he is to be addressed. He feels eyes on him and looks up to find the only clear face in all his memories. Zemo stares deep into his eyes. He's the only one who's ever dared. It's probably why his face is so clear.

"Yes, he's good to go." He's able to read his lips.

The soldier feels the plane take off. So he closes his eyes as a cold mist starts to fill his tank. Bucky is brought to the forefront of his mind as the soldier falls asleep. Once again he's left to relive the continuous killings that seem to be occurring more often.

Bucky screams in his mind. Trying to block out the cries of a family as they watch their father get gutted by the soldier. He moves on to the mother, both parents being a target for him. He squeezes his eyes shut and does his best to block the scene before him. The scene etched into his mind as Zemo and a blurry face tell him to deal with the children. Both stating they can't have witnesses.

Bucky screams so loud he feels himself losing his voice. He's desperate to ignore what's happening. Not to acknowledge the fear in their eyes, the desperation in their pleads, and the devastation deep in their bodies. He tries to block it all out. It's no point though, he watches it all play out. No matter where he looks the scene is there even when he closes his eyes. The reality of being a prisoner of your own mind, is that there's not much you can do to not experience what's happening.

That you can't skip the cut scenes that play. That all you can do is watch and slowly become desensitized to what's going on. Bucky hates to admit it, but that's what he had to do. He started living his life in a trance. Always sitting back seat to what the soldier was doing. Every time he went under he saw the brutal murder of that whole family.

Those words are said again. His mind melts and the soldier comes forward. Zemo looks at him and a bunch of blurry faces point guns at him. The box he's grown a comfort to, opens. A file is handed to him with a picture of a man. His bald and has an eye patch. He apparently is a director of a government agency, one he's been ordered to help take out.

When he looks up, he's no longer on the plane. He's on a street surrounded by chaos. People are screaming and there's gun shots sounding off around him. The soldier is hunting someone a woman. She's not his target yet the soldier is actively after her. He shoots her and watches as she ducks behind a car. He starts to make his way to her, before a blonde comes barreling at him. A shield that looks just a bit familiar collides with the soldiers metal fist.

They stand at a brief stasis before the soldier kicks him then starts shooting. The blonde fights extremely well, actually on par with the soldier. It's been a while since something like this has happened. Since the soldier has ever struggled to take someone out.

The soldier does his best taking out knives and using the blonde's shield against him. After catching it he throws it back and it gets lodged in a nearby van. He twirls a knife as he casually walks towards the man. Bucky finally gets a good look at his face. Finally gets a chance to take him in.

Bucky pushes past the soldier to try and get an even closer look. His mind immediately becomes hazy, as a flood of vague memories hit him hard. He hasn't remembered his past life in fifty years. Fifty years of radio silence from all pleasant memories. Yet this man, wakes up that part of his mind.

He sees flashes of smiles, laughs, kisses. He sees intimate moments shared in secret. He hears whispered promises and hushed confessions. This man is supposed to be important to him. This stranger, he played a major role in his life and yet he remembers nothing specific. He doesn't remember his name, where they lived, when they met. Everything he tries to remember is a complete blur.

It's then that Bucky realizes the man isn't really fighting back. He's instead only using defensive moves. Doing his best to disarm the soldier. Only throwing proper punches to protect himself. He kicks the soldier into the same van then knees him. This is the longest anyone has fought the soldier and he's barely injured. The soldier gets body slammed into the ground. He tries to recover by rolling then popping up on his feet. His mask is gone and once he turns to look at the man. They both freeze.

"Bucky?" he ask so much shock and hurt on his face.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" The soldier ask.

Bucky freezes, its been so long since he's heard that name. Since anyone has addressed him as anything other than Soldier. It's been half a century since anyone has looked at him like he's important to them. Like he's hurt emotionally by learning who he is. Not from the soldiers actions but by Bucky's existence.

He finds it oddly comforting. Knowing he's not completely gone. That there's currently a man who still values him. Someone who actually remembers who he was. Who seems to care deeply for him, for Bucky and Bucky alone.

The soldier pulls out a gun and when he tries to shoot the blonde he gets tackled. A winged man interrupts his shot. Throws a punch which the soldier dodges. He quickly loses all interest in his fight with him. Not seeing him as a worthy opponent. He easily puts him out of commission. He tries once more to shoot the blonde. Only this time the woman he was after earlier shoots him with a grenade launcher.

The soldier knows when to quit. Leaves while the smoke covers his exit. He ends up at the rendezvous spot and goes straight to his box. Bucky freezes realizing the soldier was stepping away from the controls. Bucky hesitates before stepping forward. He sees Zemo who's asking for a report.

"That man on the bridge. I know him. I don't know why or how but I know him. Who is he?" Bucky stares at the men around him.

He's surrounded by guards all with guns pointing at him as he sits up a bit taller. Bucky jumps as the soldier approaches once more. He looks at Bucky and shakes his head waving off the threat they're supposed to pose. So Bucky relaxes a little bit more than looks only at Zemo.

"A threat, someone you failed to take out. Explain soldier." Zemo demands and Bucky simply stares.

Winter takes back over and Bucky is back in his prison. He feels his body go limp and watches as he's strapped into a chair. His whole mind shakes once more while his screams fill his ears once more. Bucky pants an exhaustion taking over him and right before he passes out he sees the soldier step back.

When he wakes up he sees the controls are still empty. That Zemo is trying to call the soldier forward and he refuses to answer. He looks at the soldier who's already staring at him. He tilts his head towards the controls and Bucky looks at him completely confused.

"But why?" He ask softly.

The soldier turns his back on him and Bucky sighs. He takes the controls and Zemo frowns.

"Commander, I think we need to hold off on this mission. The soldier- he's...something's wrong. His eyes are too human." Zemo struggles to explain what's wrong. He knows his eyes are the only tell he has. The only way of knowing when the soldier is in control.

"Well get your pet under control. We're way too close to completing our mission. Our goal. If we fail, if you fail. You know what will happen." The commander's voice holds a threat but also fear.

"Yes sir." Zemo grumbles. "Let's move him. I need the chair on its highest setting. I'll let you know when to stop it." Zemo commands.

"sir, that could kill him." A random guard states.

"Then he better submit quickly." He walks off.

Bucky looks towards the soldier then back out his eyes. He feels himself get strapped to the chair and a mouth guard is forced in. Once the chair turns on he damn near collapses from the intensity. Even the soldier takes a knee. Bucky screams his mind flashing white with pain. It shakes his whole head and before he knows it he's passing out. When he wakes up the room is dark. He feels a cold metal pressing into his back. He struggles for a second trying to understand what's going on.

"Ah you're finally up, soldier. Now your real punishment can begin." Zemo chuckles from somewhere in the room.

Once again a mouth guard is shoved in and white pain flashes in his mind. He feels the metal dig in this skin. Cutting it open then twisting. The serum gets to work heeling him slowly only for a different part of his back to get the same treatment. This goes on for hours, the whole time the soldier is silently staring.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" Bucky yells at him. "Make it stop please." He begs.

Every part of him wishes he could do something to make it stop. But he can't, he has to wait for the soldier to take control. He frowns deeply as he makes his way to the soldier. The off and on pain is still going. A new sensation gets introduced. It burns, he smells his skin and feels how easily the hot metal cuts his skin.

"Winter, please. Please make it stop." Bucky cries.

The soldier looks down at him. Tilts his head and squats in front of him. He grabs his chin pulling him in closer and whispers. "He can't save you." he smiles and pulls away. He walks to the controls and once he grabs them it stops.

Lights flip on and he can see again. Bucky gags, damn near throwing up when he sees how much of his blood is around them. Sees the guards covered in it, the floor, and the table he's on. He feels it start to dry against his skin.

"Ah there he is. Now soldier, you have a mission one you need to completely successfully. If you fail I'll make sure your punishment is ten times worse. I'll break every bone in your body and once it heals I break it again." Zemo threatens.

He's handed the file. It's the blonde from the bridge. He has to take him out. If not, who knows what they'll do. So the soldier does just that. He stands above the man on the helicarrier. His shield halls through a broken window. The soldier is punching him over and over again and yet the man doesn't fight back.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. We grew up together, we served together, you've known me your whole life. You're the most important person in my life. I can't fight you Bucky. You're my best friend and...and my lover." Steve confesses as he and Winter lock eyes.

"You're my mission." Winter responses before punching hard.

Bucky intervenes making the soldier pause. Giving Steve enough time to say what might as well be Bucky's code words.

"Then finish it, because I'm with you till the road ends, till the river runs dry." He states a sad look in his eyes yet acceptance in his body.

Bucky starts to gain control once he hears those words. Then the floor collapses beneath them. The soldier's instincts kick in and catches himself before they fall. They watch as the man falls and Bucky looks at the soldier. Who lets him take over. They drop into the water and with a lot of effort they're able to save the man. They drag him on the beach front and Bucky just stares at him for a second.

"My lover?" He asks softly. "Winter, let's run. They'll assume we died in the crash. Please, we can't keep living like this. We failed our mission. Do you really wanna deal with those consequences?" Bucky does everything he can to try and convince him.

The soldier sighs takes control and cuts the tracker in his arm out. Then he resets his arm and they're off into the woods.

"Buck?" Steve ask softly.

Bucky looks at him and the soldier is right beside him at the controls.

"You're not safe with me Steve. You need to drop me off somewhere and never look back. Please." Bucky tries his hardest to convey the danger he's in but Winter stops him.

Bucky stares at him as the soldier pushes him off to the side. Taking over once more before he can say anything else.

Steve just smiles at him and tells him he can handle it. Bucky knows that's not true though. He hates that the soldier won't let him speak. That he's censoring his every word. Winter stares at him demanding he take a step back. So he does, he backs away settling in the back of their mind.

"We're here." Steve beams as the jet door opens.

Chapter Text

Steve stands up as the quinjet lands. He looks back at Bucky then pats his shoulder.

"We're here. We have to walk a bit but it's not too far." He can't help the smile that spreads across his face as he gets his things together. Sam and Natasha are whispering to each other as they open the door to the quinjet. They leave the two alone as they head towards the house.

"Buck, you alright?" Steve turns once he realizes that Bucky isn't moving. He looks up, that far away look in his eyes again, and nods.

"Fine." He stands up and follows Steve's lead as he walks off the jet. They're not too far behind Nat and Sam. So when Steve looks ahead he watches as Loki comes out of the house. He doesn't miss the big smile that spreads across his lips as he pulls Sam into a hug. Nor does he miss the kiss he places on Nat's cheek and nods at something that's been said. There's a frustrated anger that starts to form in his stomach. He doesn't look away, still watching as they get closer.

Loki looks down the road as he feels eyes concentrated on him. He stares at Steve as he gets closer. He takes note of the angry look in his eyes. He lifts a brow at him but other than that shows no evidence of noticing his frustration. He walks past the other two agents and comes to a slow stop as he meets the two men half way. He looks at Bucky and forces himself to stay neutral.

He takes in his rather empty eyes, his stiff posture, and metal arm. He takes note of his shoulder length hair, how thick it looks. He does his best not to stare too long, not wanting to start finding all the ways he's better. Not wanting to start comparing himself to the man who's had his boyfriends attention for the better half of a year. Instead he locks on to Steve who almost tackles him to the floor.

Steve latches on to Loki's. Holding him in a tight embrace. Scared of what will happen when he let's go. Nervous about their unresolved issues with the subject of their problems not even a foot away from them. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to push away that feeling in his stomach as he presses Loki to him. His eyes pop open as he feels a soft kiss being placed on his forehead.

"I missed you too Darling." He smiles down at him before removing himself from his grip. He turns to Bucky and holds out his hand. "I am Loki of Asgard. I've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you James." Loki forces a small smile.

Winter and Bucky stare at the deity in front of them for a second. They both can't help but be intrigued by him. How he stares at them without a hint of fear or worry. How little time he spends focused on their arm choosing to look them in the eye instead. Then there's the way he looks at them. Like he sees beyond the cover of their eyes. Like maybe he sees them. In the end it's Bucky who takes control. He shakes Loki's hand focusing on how much strength he uses. "It's nice to meet you too. Steve was telling me how you might be able to help me with my...problem." Bucky tenses the moment Winter glares at him.

"That depends on what your problem is." Loki tilts his head.

"Hydra, they...they brainwashed me, conditioned me. Turned me into a killer. I have no real control of myself in that state. I want, no, I need to reverse it." Bucky states a soft plea in his words in hopes that Steve is right. That Loki will be able to help him. That he and Winter could be free from anyone's control.

"I'm sorry James but that's not something I can do. I can alter memories and manipulate ones mind but that's all temporary. You need something more permanent. I have a friend who should be able to help you though. I'll give them a call." Loki looks into his eyes and pauses.

"I'll take all the help I can get. If you believe they can do it. I'll just have to trust you." Bucky shifts as Loki continues to stare, looking deeper into his eyes. As he looks he sees the space behind them. The space where the control panel sits. He sees both Bucky and Winter staring back at him. He tilts his head as he stares a bit longer. Bucky stands at the controls while Winter stands beside him. They both look right back at him.

"You needn't fear him." Loki says softly before turning to Sam and Natasha. "Once again I thank you both for ensuring they both got here safely. I owe you each for it."

"Nah, you don't man." Sam shakes his hand no. "I would've done it anyway. Steve needs all the help he can get." They hug once more.

Both men laugh softly even as Steve glares at them. "Well still, I'm grateful for your help. If you change your mind let me know." Loki's waves as Sam turns to Steve.

He pulls the captain into a hug. "I'll see you later man. Get some rest and make sure you guys talk." He whispers in his ear. When they pull back he looks at Bucky. He offers a small smile. "Look man, I got no hard feelings about earlier. I recommend getting some therapy though. If you don't feel safe with one I'll gladly step in till you do. You're no alone in any of this. Someone's always willing to help as long as you ask." Sam pats his arm and backs up.

"Well you do owe me. I'm thinking, another sparring session." Natasha smiles.

"Why of course dear. Just let me know when." He chuckles softly.

"I want you at your strongest so I'll wait till next week." She playfully punches his shoulder.

"Will do Tasha. I'll see you soon and tell your sister I said hi." Loki waves as he heads inside.

Nat waves back before looking at Steve. She motions him off to the side and keeps a cautious eye on Bucky as Steve follows her.

"What's up?" He ask softly.

"Steve listen to me. Every action you do is going to be extremely important. You need to be aware of all your actions. Watch how you treat the two of them. Always put Loki first and keep an eye on Bucky. If he really has no control of his actions then you need to make sure he's doing the right ones. I don't want your guys' tension to get any worse, okay?" She gives him a stern look.

"Yea...yea I hear you. Thanks for looking out for me Nat. I'll do what I can to ensure everything gets better."

"You got it. If you need a break or space just call me. I'll be around." She pulls him into a hug.

"You really need to settle down somewhere."

"And live like Barton and Tony? Sounds boring" She laughs.

"I think I could use a little boring." Steve laughs and Nat tilts her head towards Loki.

"You both could." She winks. "Let's go Sam."

Her and Sam wave and Steve watches them leave. He sighs softly before looking at Bucky. "Let's go in. I'll show you around." Steve motions him in.

Once inside Steve has no clue where Loki went. But he continues with his tour as planned. "So this is our home. You can stay here as long as you need. Especially till you get back on your feet. There's the usual things, living room, kitchen, and the dining room. Technology has come quite a long way, especially in the kitchen." Steve chuckles a little.

"I hope you're still not trying to cook. You were pretty bad at it."

"I've gotten better. Too many people made sure of that. After I almost burned down Tony's tower a few times." Steve goes to hit him jokingly.

Winter catches his hand and twist his arm. The soldier instincts once again taking over. Bucky gains control again and let's Steve go. "S-sorry about that. Instincts." He says a bit sheepishly.

"D-don't worry about it. I uh came at you too fast." Steve tries to brush it off. "Anyway, I'll um, I'll show you the gym." He walks towards the gym.

Bucky follows a bit slower this time. Leaving a space between them. Nervous that the man he was forced to become will takeover again. When Steve stops inside the gym Bucky stays outside it. Steve looks at him and frowns at the space between them. He tries not to show that though and instead walks towards the equipment.

"Everything in here has been reinforced to support the strength of the serum. So you don't need to hold back. Even Loki doesn't hold back and he's a lot stronger than me." Steve glances at some of the equipment. "If you're ever up for it we can spar together. It could help get rid of that tension or stress."

"That's not a good idea. I don't think I'll be able to hold him back."

"Him? Is he separate from you?" Steve pauses.

"I...I think so. It's hard to explain." He mumbles looking off to the side.

"Then you don't have to. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to." Steve says quickly hoping he didn't upset him at all.

Bucky nods then looks at Winter. He's in the corner of his mind watching them both closely. Winter motions back as Steve comes towards him. Bucky looks out his eyes just as Steve cautiously stops leaving space.

"I'll show you where you'll be sleeping. It's on the other side of the house so you'll have as much privacy as you need." Steve motions down the hall.

Bucky backs up as Steve walks out the gym. They both walk towards the room and he let's Bucky enter by himself. "Thanks, its nice." Bucky mumbles softly.

Nice was an understatement if Bucky was being honest. It was bigger than any room he's ever stayed in. It had light grey walls, a black bed spread, black furniture with gray accents. It has an en suite bathroom and an amazing view. When he turns to Steve he looks confused.

"Is everything okay?" He ask softly.

"Yea, I...I guess this is what Loki meant when he said he was gonna get the room ready. It didn't look like this last time I saw it." he shakes his head.

"Where is Loki?" Bucky asks walking towards Steve.

"Oh um...he's probably in our room. Did you...did you want to talk to him or something?" Steve asks awkwardly.

Bucky looks down feeling oddly tense before Winter nods for them. Steve stares at him for a second before walking back towards the front of the house. He frowns not quite sure how he feels about any of this anymore. He was really happy when he found Bucky. He was excited when Loki said he could stay. Now he doesn't know how he feels anymore. He thought he and Bucky would be in a better state. That things would go back to how it used to be. Back when they had each other's back till the very end of the line.

As they get closer to the front he hears Loki's voice. He assumes he's on the phone with the friend he mentioned. That burning in his stomach comes back strong when they turn the corner. He sees Loki beaming, a wide smile on his face as he laughs. It's so genuine. The type of laugh that makes his nose scrunch and his eyes close. The kind that would have him kneeling over if he was more relaxed. Steve can't help but smile as he hears it though. He just hates it's not him making him laugh like that.

He thinks he looks beautiful. His smile is so wide. His eyes are twinkling and his laugh is addicting. He hopes to make him smile like that soon. Now that his focus can be on Loki he wants to keep it on Loki. Ensuring he does everything he can to keep him happy. Steve looks over and Bucky is staring just as hard. His eyes never leaving Loki even as Steve steps in front of him.

Bucky feels like he's in a trance. The sound of Loki's laugh fills his mind and for the first time in a long time. Bucky feels a bit at ease. At least enough to not realize when Steve steps in front of him. Winter is just as enraptured his eyes never leaving Loki. It isn't until Loki hangs up that the two of them look at Steve. Their eyes quickly darting away before their eyes could meet. Trying to hide the fact that they were staring at all.

"You okay Buck?" Steve ask his voice laced with irritation.

Winter nods staring at Steve. He takes note of the possessive undertones in his posture. The way he puts himself in between him and Loki. Winter finds it intriguing, fascinating to say the least.

"Alright, King T'Challa and Princess Shuri will be coming over tomorrow for dinner. They'll be able to help you with your problem." Loki interrupts their impromptu staring contest. Choosing to ignore it.

"Thanks." Winter says softly.

Loki nods and smiles at Steve. "There's dinner on the stove. I'll leave you guys to connect. I'll be in our room Darling." he walks away.

Steve waves awkwardly as Loki disappears into their room. The Captain looks at Bucky again. "Are you hungry?"

Winter nods and once Steve heads into the kitchen he looks at their bedroom door. He stares for a long time only looking away when Steve asks if he still likes Spaghetti. With that he follows him into the kitchen and the two eat together in silence.

Chapter Text

Steve double checks that all their doors are locked. Both Bucky and Loki are in their respective rooms. Dinner with Bucky was mostly quiet. The two of them chatted here and there but it was rare and always short. A big part of him hates it but he knows Bucky needs time to get back to normal. So he tries not to think too deeply about it instead he focuses on Loki. He looks at their bedroom door, that wave of anxiety coming back.

This is going to be his first time alone with Loki since everything went down. Since Loki left to get some space. Even though it was only a few hours it left an insecurity in Steve that he might leave again. That the next time he leaves he won't come back.

It's going to be their first time alone since they found Bucky. Since Loki allowed him in their house. Something that Steve thought would be great. He doesn't want to assume it'll be bad but Loki immediately left once Sam and Nat left. It never occurred to Steve that Loki might lock himself in the room. That he probably has no intentions of talking to Bucky at all.

The brief thought of the two being friends seems further away now. He thought that maybe it would work out based on their earlier interaction. How calm both of them were. That Bucky seemed to like Loki right out the gate. He thought maybe Loki would like Bucky enough to at least eat dinner with him. He wants to give it time before he says anything about it though.

As he nears the door he remembers their phone call on the jet. That he promised to not only make everything up to Loki. He also promised to follow every single boundary Loki sets religiously. He doesn't even know what that would entail but he knows he won't take it back. That he can't take it back. After everything he put Loki through the least he can do is bend. It might not be as bad as he's imagining anyway.

He takes a deep slow breath. Casually stalling as long as he possibly can before he opens the door. He sees Loki laying on the emerald green chaise lounge in the corner of their room. He looks elegant as he sits in a silk robe. These are the moments he remembers he's a god. A deity, something truly divine. He says nothing as he steps into the room and shuts the door.

Loki peers over the book he's pretending to read and watches as his captain enters the room. His eyes track his movements as Steve moves closer to the bed. He picks up on the nervous breath he lets out before he approaches him.

"H-hey." He says softly.

"Hello Darling." He turns the page.

"L-loki, I'm really-"

"I'm going to stop you right there. You've said sorry multiple times now. I understand you are sorry." Loki looks up.

Steve looks down as he bites his lip. "W-what can I do? I want to make it up to you. I really am sorry." he begs, eyes pleading.

"Then prove it." Loki closes the book, not even bothering to put a bookmark in it. He leans back and openly focuses on his partner. "First, you have to make me feel the truth in you words. Make me feel your regret." Loki stays leaned back.

Someone can say sorry a million times and never mean it once. Loki would know and while he can acknowledge that Steve would never do that. Hearing the apologies does nothing to soothe any of his feelings. As a master of words, someone with a sliver tongue. Words hold no weight for Loki, he needs action for anything to matter. So he simply watches as Steve thinks.

Steve pauses for a second as he stares at Loki. How is he supposed to do that. What could he do to show Loki he's going to be his new focus. His only focus for now on. He bites his lip as a thought comes to mind. He decides not to think about it any further and stands directly in front of Loki.

Loki quirks a brow at Steve as he kneels in front of him. A light tingle starts to build in his gut. He does his best to ignore it though. As much as he loves Steve, he feels like he's earned the right to mess with him. Just a little, not enough to actually cause a bigger rift between them. Just enough to make him worry a little. He'll comfort him after of course. He keeps his face neutral as Steve moves a little closer. The captain leans forward to place a small kiss on his foot. He slowly kisses up stopping at his knee before switching to the other leg. His kisses are light like butterflies. Steve leans back a little and looks up at him.

"I've been so busy apologizing that I never thanked you for putting up with me. For allowing me another chance to treat you better. So thank you sir, for giving me a chance to worship you." He leans up and kisses Loki's hands.

As Loki watches, that tingle comes back strong. He bites his tongue to keep all noises back. Still not wanting to telegraph that he's already forgiven him. Worried that if he does, this will all end much too soon. His eyes lock on to the top of his head watching as he moves up to his thighs.

"Thank you so much my love. My prince. I don't deserve you at all. If you let me stay I'll make sure you never feel neglected, alone, or second best. You'll be my first priority like you should've been from the start. I'll love every last inch of you." Steve takes his time. Getting closer and closer to his erection.

Each kiss, while light, makes Loki's heart flutter. It's so simple yet he takes his time. Making sure to linger after every kiss. Implying the importance of kissing every part of the deity.

"Darling, what are you doing?" Loki ask softly.

Steve doesn't respond, instead he grabs his hand again. Kisses up his arm then does the same for the other arm. Afterwards he kisses down his chest and pauses at his waist. He looks up slowly untying the gold rope of his silk green robe.

Loki says nothing. He just looks into Steve's eyes. He recognizes the regret and pain in his eyes. How it sits behind love and lust. Loki simply nods encouraging Steve to push the robe open. He leans forward kissing his balls.

Gently sucking one ball in before moving on to the other. He drags his tongue around the pair enjoying how Loki shivers as he does so. He pulls back and looks up at him. He strokes his hard on while looking into his eyes.

"I'm enchanted by every inch of you my love. Your smooth porcelain skin, your beautiful long legs, your gorgeous obsidian hair. I can't stand the idea of living without you. You're so kind, smart, and patient. I don't thank you enough but that's all going to change Loki. I love you and I'm going to make sure you know that without a doubt." With that Steve takes Loki into his mouth.

His tongue swirls around his tip. He takes him in as far as he can. Gagging a little when he hits the back of his throat. He doesn't stop though, he keeps going. Happily humming to encourage the small thrust from Loki trying to hold back. His mind is starting to shut off as he continues to pleasure the deity.

Happily drifting into his subspace as Loki starts to thrust a little harder. Loki watches as his eyes start to glaze over. Knowing Steve is barely present allows Loki to drop the act. He no longer hides his pleasure. Instead he leans into it. Thrusting deeper into Steve's mouth. His eyes close as Steve continues to give him head.

Causally sucking and allowing his tongue to collect a bit of his precum from the tip. The salty taste of it makes the captain moan. He works harder to get more. Sucking harder as his hands grip onto his thighs. Gripping them tightly and leaving light bruises where he's holding.

Loki grabs Steve's hair. Forcing his head down lower as he thrust up. That tingle in his gut turns into pressure. He moans out louder his head tilting back as his thrust becomes sloppy. His stomach clinches as Steve pulls him closer to climaxing.

"Darling, shit. You really are working hard. The fates have truly blessed me with you." Loki pants his grip tightening.

Steve moans his mind so far gone he barely notices how much force Loki is using. How tight he's gripping his hair or even how deep his dick is going in his throat. He definitely doesn't notice the drool coming out and down the deity's dick. Even if he did he wouldn't care. He'll gladly drool on and over Loki's dick any chance he gets. He wants to convey that every step of the way.

Loki can barely hear himself, he's so wrapped up in the heat of Steve's mouth. The feeling is enough to make him float. If not physically, definitely spiritually. If he ever needed more convincing. More of a reason to forgive his Captain this is it. It's just head but damn this is the most attentive he's ever been. But it's not just that. His words echo in his mind.

The sweet nick names, the praise he rarely got before now overflowing, his gentle touch and kisses. All of it eases the surface level worries he has. At least for the moment and that's all Loki cares about right now. He wants to stay in the moment. If he zooms out too much he'll remember all the pain he's been feeling. All the sadness that was clinging to his heart for almost a whole year.

He knows everything is not gonna be fixed. That his relationship isn't going to be instantly fixed no matter how much Loki ignores his pain. No matter how forgiving he is with Steve. But thinking about that now is pulling him away from the pleasure he wants. So he shuts his mind off and pays attention to Steve as his nails dig into his thighs.

He takes that as a hint to hurry up a little. So he closes his eyes and thrusts a few more times. His mind focusing solely on the pleasure alone as he reaches his climax. He slowly releases his grip on Steve as the wave of pleasure washes over him. He slowly breathes out as Steve sinks to the floor.

He runs his hand through his hair before kissing his head. "You did so good, Darling." He stands up and lifts Steve into his arms. He's still very much blissed out but snuggles into Loki's chest anyway. He can't help the smile on his face as they both lay down. He pulls Steve in close and falls asleep.

Loki as usual wakes up first. He kisses Steve's forehead before getting out the bed. He heads to the bathroom to get ready. As he looks in the mirror he feels a warmth in his chest. He rests his hand over his chest before grabbing his phone and looking at the date. A wide smile spreads across his face and heads into the kitchen.

He starts cooking and humming softly. He feels eyes on him before his survivor instincts kick in. He hears the scrape of metal then the sound of said metal cutting through air. He grabs a knife from the air and turns to see Bucky staring at him. He casually sets the knife down and goes back to cooking.

"Good Morning James. How did you sleep?" he smiles softly.

Winter stares at Loki's back. Amazed, not just that he caught the knife, but that he feels safe enough to turn his back on him again. No one has ever reacted like that. No one has ever been strong enough to not care about being in the same room as Winter after an attempted attack.

Bucky takes control and sits at the island. He doesn't say anything for a while a bit thrown off by what just happened. He looks Loki over just now realizing that he's shirtless. He watches as his back flexes when he moves, the slight cock in his hip, and the long stretch of his arms as he reaches for something. His eyes follow every single movement he makes.

As Loki turns Bucky's cheeks flush. He's not even sure why. Maybe it's being caught staring, maybe it's the flex of his abs as he stands taller, maybe it's how low his shorts sit on his hips, maybe its even the light bruising on his hips making it clear the activities that were done last night or most likely its the way Loki's eyes narrow at him as he tilts his head.

"James," he says his name teasingly yet so sternly it sends a flurry of emotions through him. Some he never thought he'd feel again. Bucky looks up and Loki's face is completely neutral. "I strongly advice being polite. Especially after trying to hurt someone. You can start by answering my question. How did you sleep?" Loki turns back around.

"Fine, I guess. I don't like sleeping much but I did miss laying in an actual bed." He mumbles softly.

"How are you feeling?" Loki grabs two plates and starts arranging breakfast.

"Fine...confused. I feel like I'm missing something but I can't even begin to figure out what."

"And the Soldier, how is he feeling?"

Bucky looks at Winter, silently asking what to say. He shrugs before turning away and Bucky can't help the frown that crosses his face. A part of him is so confused by Winter. He knows nothing about the man who terrifies him. Why is he here? If he'll ever leave? How much of him is in Winter and vice versa? Most importantly why he rarely talks.

"Winter? I...I think you bruised his ego a little. He doesn't want to look at you right now." Bucky chuckles awkwardly as Winter throws a glare at him.

"Oh why's that?" He looks over his shoulder.

"He's not used to people not fearing him. Steve shook him up a little when they fought. He actually held his own by himself. Then just stop fighting with him all together to try and break through to me. So with you not even bothering to look at him. He's a bit...wounded." He says softly.

Loki chuckles at that and fully turns around. He walks towards him and leans towards him to look into James' eyes. He looks past them again, seeing Bucky at the controls and Winter with his back turned still. He smirks and using his magic turns off the stove.

"My, I didn't think he'd be so sensitive." He chuckles and straightens up as he hears their bedroom door open.

Bucky continues to stare at Loki even as he hears Steve's footsteps. He's so intrigued by the deity. He just can't look away, he really can't help it. He's so drawn to him.

"Good morning Handsome." Steve b-lines to Loki.

They kiss and once they pull away he notices how intense Bucky's gaze is on them. How they never leave Loki. He pulls Loki closer and holds on to him a bit longer.

"Good morning Darling, did you sleep well?" Loki smiles down at him.

"Yea, I missed you this morning." He presses a quick kiss to his lips.

"I was letting you sleep in. You worked hard last night." Loki winks. "Go sit down. I already made breakfast," Loki shoos him away.

"Morning Buck. How long have you been up?" He asks as Loki sets two plates in front of them.

"I heard Loki in the kitchen." He mumbles softly as he starts eating.

"Oh..." Steve pokes at his food before looking at Loki.

Who's brewing a pot of tea. Not even bothering to pay attention to them. He immediately gets to cleaning and keeps his back to them. Breakfast, just like dinner, is so quiet. Steve hates it so much and had really hoped Loki would fill the void this time.

"Hey Lo, you said King T'Challa is coming tonight?" Steve says suddenly breaking the silence.

"Indeed, is there a problem?"

"Well yea, it's small though. You see one of the reasons Bucky was on the run was because he'd been framed." He mumbles.

"Framed of what exactly?" Loki slowly turns around.

"Causing the explosion that took King T'Chaka's life." Steve trails off as a more then deadly look comes to his eyes.

"You were framed?" That deadly glare centers on Bucky.

While Steve is thankful to have that look off him. He hates that it's on Bucky now. That Loki would be this angry for someone as far as Steve knows. Loki doesn't know, sure he knows T'Challa apparently. He does have his number after all and he is coming for dinner. But did he ever meet T'Chaka. Was he close enough with the past king to be glaring flaming daggers at his...his...Bucky.

"Of course he was framed. Bucky wouldn't do anything like that." Steve can't help how defensive he gets.

"I'm not asking you Steven." Loki's voice has an edge to it that makes Steve's mouth go dry. He can't help but look down even though Loki's gaze is still centered on Bucky. "James, were you framed?"

"Yea...I-I remember every kill the soldier ever did. They haunt my dreams still and I've never seen King T'Chaka or the soldier with the bomb that caused the explosion...I really do remember everything" Bucky has a painfully hard time looking at him.

When he first met Loki he never could've imagined him trying to take over New York. That this oddly tame man tried to rule the world at some point. How half the nation still had a fear for him. But this look, the way it never waivers. How much of a threat is in it yet he says nothing. He doesn't have to say a single thing the murderous intent in his eyes is enough. This man, no deity, can rule the whole universe.

"Can you confirm that James? Winter? If I look through your memories I won't see a single fragment of that tragedy." Loki walks towards him.

"Yes, I can confirm that." Bucky nods immediately knowing he had nothing to do with it.

"May I then?" Loki softens his glare. He can tell that Bucky is being honest. That he truly believes Winter didn't do it. But anyone can believe a lie without a shred of doubt. They can believe with every fiber of their being that something is true. Loki has convinced enough people with his tricks to not need proof. So he wants to make sure Winter is really telling him the truth.

Bucky nods and stiffens up as Loki leans forward getting much closer than last time. He slowly brings his hands up and rests two fingers on both his temples. A green glow comes from his fingers and Loki searches his mind. He gets a flip show of his whole life.

He sees him with his family. The day he meets Steve. Them growing up together, Bucky always having his back, and them slowly falling in love with each other. He sees when Bucky joins the army, when his team gets captured. His first round of torture, Steve saving him, then Bucky sticking by his side once again. He sees the two of them fighting together. Having each other's back and their sweet whispers when no one was watching. He sees the train mission, him falling, and Hydra dragging him through snow. He sees his constant torture till the soldier appears.

From there things get blurry, large chunks of time are missing. It always starts with Bucky entering a box, freezing air, then black for a second then the dreams flood in. They're a lot like memories, rehashes of his past as the soldier's kills slowly bleed in. When he wakes up it's to the soldier on a mission. He quickly picks up the cycle that becomes Bucky's life. He wakes up to killing and goes to sleep to dream about killing. Every once in a while he'll see Steve but every time he becomes more and more unrecognizable. He eventually only becomes blond hair with piercing blue eyes.

Loki skims through his whole mind. Focusing only on the faces of Winter's victims. He keeps count of how many there are. He stops once he sees himself and silently pulls away. He stares at Bucky for a bit longer before nodding. He bites his lip a pang of hurt in his chest as the realization dawns on him. They're each other's first loves. One that was cemented in trauma. A love so pure and genuine it got them through a war. One, that if Bucky never fell, would've never ended. One that hasn't ended, not for Steve at least.

Suddenly it all makes more sense than ever. Of course Steve treated him so poorly. Bucky is the reason he became Captain America. He followed his boyfriend into a war, saved his life then spent the rest of said war on a special team together. One where when they were alone spent hours building their love. Making it so much stronger.

Their love is perfect and Loki knows he doesn't stand a chance. That once Bucky becomes his odd self. Once he gets back into the groove of himself. He'll feel that love all over again and the two will be back together in no time. Steve will leave him to be happier with Bucky. He'll forget about him and Loki won't know what to do with himself.

He breathes slowly forcing himself to remember what all Steve said to him yesterday. His promise to follow his every word drifts through his mind. He wonders how far he could push it. That mischievous part of his nature wants to push the boundaries of his promise. See if he would really keep his word.

He continues to look Bucky in the eye as he calms his mind and heart. He quietly watches him, studying how his chest rises and falls with every breath. He looks at Steve who's looking between the two of them. Once he realizes Loki is staring at him he locks eyes with him. Loki nods again and turns to get his tea.

Once again Bucky gets completely lost in Loki's eyes. His eyes hold so much emotion he sees how they swirl. Like a storm or a hurricane lies behind those emerald walls. He stares a bit longer only stopping once Loki turns away from him. From the corner of his eye he sees Steve staring at him. Bucky hesitates before he turns to look at him and sees pure confusion and a little bit of hurt. A silent tension fills the room once more as Loki sits beside Steve.

Chapter Text

The three men sit in silence. Bucky's eyes now trained on the plate in front of him even as Steve continues to stare at him. He still doesn’t know how to act around Steve. Winter tried to hurt him multiple times and they still haven’t talked about it. Now there’s the memories Loki brought to the forefront of his mind.

Why the promise Steve said brought him so much comfort finally makes sense. Even though he didn’t fully understand the depth of it. The true meaning behind the words, his heart knew it was important. His subconscious knew those words meant the world to him. It’s why the soldier lost some sense of control that day.

Now that he has the full context. Those words hit him harder. He watched his 13 year old self say those words to Steve everyday for almost two decades straight. The only time it wasn’t said was when he had been captured and Steven went into the ice.

All those blurry memories are crystal clear. He knows that he loves Steve. That they’re supposed to be together. He knows how he used to interact with Steve but it doesn’t feel right anymore. He’s not who he used to be and trying to be that happier, flirtier person he once was leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Not to mention he has Winter now, he can’t pretend like he’s not there either. He’s too different to be the Bucky that Steve remembers.

Steve looks between the two men he's sat in the middle of, not completely sure how to break the silence. Both of seem so far away from him even though they’re right beside him. Ever since Loki pulled away they’ve both been weird…Bucky stiffened up like an board and now refuses to look at him. Meanwhile Loki is nose deep in his tea pretending the world doesn’t exist. He heard their voices earlier. He knows they were talking to each other before he walked in.

He knows they just came off a tense moment but it’s passed and all is good. Loki didn’t see anything and Bucky didn’t do anything. So why are they both so radio silent now. He feels a tug at his heart as he wonders if it’s him. If they don’t like talking when he’s around.

Did he do something? Did they do something? Maybe he’s a bigger problem than he thought. Or maybe they agreed not to even be friends to begin with. Steve frowns having no clue what to make of the situation and his missing context clues.

Then there's Loki, who's partially in his head as he sips his tea. He does his best not to convey the hurt he's feeling.

When he feels Steve's eyes on him, he's tempted to look at him. Yet the pain in his chest makes that hard to do. He's much too focused on their relationship. He saw it all from Bucky's perspective.

Sure he's missing some details but he's seen enough to know to be uncomfortable. He knows that they could get back together any second now. That him allowing Bucky to stay was a bigger mistake than he thought. That he just let a wolf into his home.

He was so desperate to keep Steve close. It didn't occur to him how much of a threat he could be. He looks down swirling the tea in his cup. Praying for the fates to send him a sign that everything will be okay. That Steve won't leave him.

Steve, who's almost done eating, clears his throat. He leans towards Loki and rests a hand on his arm. "Hey Lo, you okay? Why aren't you eating?" He ask softly.

"Don't worry Darling, I'll be eating later. I'm fasting for a celebration." He says softly.

"What celebration?" he leans away and goes back to eating.

"Veisluna Mikla, the great feast. Centuries ago I used to live on a planet a bit far from here. Right now preparations are beginning for a grand feast." Loki has the whisper of a smile on his lips.

"C-can I join you?" He pushes his, mostly clean, plate away. Only to find Loki finally looking at him.

"No Darling, because of the serum you wouldn't be able to fast properly. You're metabolism is much to fast and I refuse to let you get sick. I appreciate your offer and it means a lot to me that you want to celebrate with me. You'll be part of the feast and that's all I need you to do. You'll be helping me celebrate properly." Loki rests a hand on his and kisses his forehead.

"What's being celebrated?" Bucky asks leaning forward so he can see Loki.

"The end of a famine. It had been going on for five years when I got there. It took me a lot of effort but I was able to put an end to it. After that they started worshiping me and we came up with this celebration. Every year we fast for five days to represent the five years of the famine, then on the sixth day we throw a feast. We sit down at the table with our loved ones as a symbol of withstanding all the hardships we went through. A reminder of our strength and why they worship me." Loki swirls his tea again as the warmth in his chest grows.

"Loki that's incredible." Steve struggles to put his amazement into words.

"It really is amazing. You have to be really strong or powerful to be able to stop something as serious as a famine.” Bucky also stares at Loki in pure amazement.

Loki shrugs as he finishes his tea. “It’s what they needed of me. I’m the God I want people to need. I answer the prayers sent to other Gods. The ones who ignore their people in need. Those people had prayed for years, offering more and more offerings, begging for their God to respond. When I got there they took me in. Offered as much as they could spare. I couldn’t let them suffer any longer. I had to do something.” Loki puts his cup away.

“That’s still really amazing Lo.” Steve stands up.

He steps in the way of his path. Stopping him from trying to leave the conversation. He grabs his hand and kisses it softly. “I’m not lying Loki. You’re an amazing God.” He smiles as Loki stares at him for a second with an indistinguishable expression on his face.

“Thank you Darling.” He says softly before pulling away from his touch and heading to their bedroom.

“Is he…okay?” Bucky ask as Steve stares at his retreating figure.

“Loki has a hard time with compliments…at least ones about his character. He likes to hide the more genuine parts of himself from others. He hides his status as a God from everyone now. He tries not to draw attention to it anymore and does all his good deeds and Godly action under the radar. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the only celebration in his honor. it’s just the first one he’s been willing to share with us.” Steve looks at Bucky. “What do you think of him?”

Bucky stiffens up at the question. He stares at Steve for a moment before clearing his throat. “He’s nice…quiet. We haven’t talked much but his magic was…helpful. He made a lot of things…clear again.” He shrugs awkwardly.

“Yea, like what?” Steve sits beside him. Wanting to give his full attention as Bucky truly starts to open up to him.

”I told you that when I was in cryosleep I would have nightmares. Well that wasn’t the whole truth. I would have dreams in between them and it was always…of you. You were my safe place from all those screams. As years went by I slowly forgot you more and more. Your name, your voice, and your face. At one point you were just blue eyes and blond hair. But when Loki was looking through all my memories he made every blurry detail clear for me.” Bucky stares at his metal arm. “It’s amazing but…Steve…I-I don’t…” Bucky struggles on what to say.

“Buck don’t stress about anything right now. I can only imagine the jumble of emotions you have going on.” Steve shakes his head.

“S-Steve, why’d you come back for me? When you saw me on the bridge you didn’t fight me, in the helicarrier you let me beat you up, and now you somehow tracked me down. Why’d you do all that for…me? You couldn’t have known it would go so well.” Bucky shakes his head.

He hates to admit that he lost all his hope. That the moment Hydra put him to sleep he had no hope of being rescued. He didn’t think he could be found. It was luck that he and Steve ended up in the same decade together. It was luck that Steve was protecting Nick Furry that day on the bridge. It was a shitty mask that caused Steve to see his face. It was faulty wiring that Bucky was able to push pass Winter and spare Steve. It was…something…that Steve found him. And luck that they made it out of their alive.

“I had to keep our promise. You spent your whole life looking after me when I was just a frail sick boy. Whose future was so questionable I’m still surprised I made it. I owe it to you to save you or die trying Buck. You would’ve done the same for me.” He stares extra long into his eyes a slight blush starts to stain his cheeks.

Bucky stares right back with so much uncertainty. He never thought this would all happen. That he would be saved by the one man who’s been by his side from the start. He never thought he’d meet a god who’d steal his full attention. In his brain he should be with Steve it logically makes sense. But a small part of his heart can’t help but feel like he should be with…

“I missed you Stevie. I really did. I didn’t realize it was you I was missing but now…yea…I missed you.” Bucky stands up.

He sets his dishes in the sink and musters a little bit of courage to look at Steve again. He’s already staring at him and actually blushes harder when he gets caught.

“Thank you…for never-for never giving up on me. For…for always coming back for me.” He gives the best smile he can muster.

It doesn’t reach his eyes. It barely shows his dimples. But it’s a smile nonetheless and that makes Steve smile more.

“Don’t mention it Buck. I got your back till the end of the road.”

Bucky stares at him for a second. “Till the river runs dry.” He does his best to hide the tears that prickles in his eyes.

He heads to his room and Steve is by himself again. He stares at both doors they went into. He debates which person he should go after. If he should check up on them. But he feels it’s best to let them be for a second. So he sighs and walks away. He heads to the gym instead. Deciding it’d be nice to blow off some steam.

He starts to run on the treadmill and tries to figure out something to do today. He’s realizing that now that he isn't looking for Bucky. He doesn’t know what to do. He forgot what all his hobbies were. What he and Loki did to pass time. He’s not even sure if they ever did anything to help time go by.

And with it feeling like neither of them really want to talk with him, he just feels more alone. So he runs. He runs faster and faster till his phone rings. He immediately stops and sees it’s Sam. He’s never been more thankful to escape the silence.

“Steve Rogers.”

“I know you do it on purpose.” Sam groans and Steve swears he can hear his eye roll.

“Hey Sam what’s up?” He chuckles softly.

“Hey Stevie, so listen, I was thinking of coming over tonight and trying to talk to Bucky. I know he’s never gonna call so I’m just gonna pop in. Maybe get him a bit more used to me.” Sam speaks casually.

“Oh um… yea you could try. But King T’Challa is coming over tonight. So maybe you should hold off. Save the therapy for tomorrow.” Steve mumbles a bit.

“T’Challa? Oh now I have to come over. I haven’t seen him in a minute. Plus watching how he interacts with someone new could be helpful. All information is good information. I’ll just talk with him, I’ll save the therapy for another day.” Sam laughs towards the end.

“I didn’t know you knew King T’Challa?” Steve pauses for a second.

It seems like everyone knows the King from the hidden kingdom. Not only do they know him they’re all very close with him apparently.

“Well yea, he’s supposed to be a secret. Plus you don’t know everything about me.” Sam laughs softly.

“Well…okay, I’ll ask Loki and make sure it’s okay.” Steve walks out the gym and into their room.

When he looks around he doesn’t see Loki anywhere. He frowns and calls out his name. When he gets not response he freezes. A cold chill going up his spine as his heart rate picks up.

“Sam, I’ll call you back,” Steve hangs up before he can respond. He immediately calls Loki his anxiety getting higher and higher after each ring.

“Hello Darling.” His voice is calm and has no kind of annoyance to it.

“H-hey, where—where are you?” He tries to hide how nervous he is.

“I’m with Billy and Wanda. We’re currently training. Is everything okay?” Worry lingers in his tone and that soothes Steve for some reason.

“Y-yea, yes, everything is fine. I just didn’t know you were leav- going out.” Steve quickly switches words a bit too scared to say the other word.

“My apologies Darling, I’ll make sure I say something next time.” Loki reassures him and Steve nods.

“Thanks…” he quietly breathes out. “Oh, Sam wants to know if he can join us for dinner tonight?” Steve ask quickly.

“Is he aware he won’t be the only guest?”

“Yes, it’s actually one of the reasons why he wants to come.”

“Then yes that’s fine. I’ll be home soon Darling. I love you.” Loki rushes off the phone and Steve can barely say I love you too before he hears the call disconnect.

He frowns again and stares at his phone. He knows better than to distrust Loki. He’s been nothing but loyal to him. Everything is fine, they’re fine, and soon they’ll be back into their old rhythm. He hopes.

Steve jumps awake when he hears knocking at the door. He looks around not quite remembering when he fell asleep. He stands up from the couch and opens the door. Sam greets him with his arms crossed.

“There you are sleepy beauty. I thought I was gonna have to break the door down.” He jokes and pushes past Steve.

“Sorry Sam. I didn’t even realize I fell asleep.”

“Mm, so where is he?” He looks around and Steve points down the hall towards the guest bedroom.

“I’m talking about Loki.” Sam frowns at him and Steve lets out a heavy sigh.

“Of course you are. I called him earlier and he said he was with Wanda. He’s training with her kid…” Steve looks at his phone.

“But.” Sam leads him through his pause.

“I don’t know. He kinda hung up fast. I didn’t even get to say I love you before he ended the call.” Steve mumbles.

“Well what you do?”

“Nothing! I woke up, greeted him first, talked with Bucky for a bit before focusing on Loki again. He told me about a celebration then left. I stayed and chatted with Bucky for a bit and then you called. That’s when I realized he had left without telling me then he hung up really fast.” Steve tries not to let his anger get the better of him but after replaying the events he’s pretty sure he didn’t do anything wrong.

“Really? Nothing else happened?” Sam gives him a skeptical look.

“Well…there was a tense moment. I had told Loki that Bucky was framed for killing King T’Chaka. That that was the reason he was on the run.” Steve mumbles softly.

“Yea, how did Loki react?” Sam sits in a chair while Steve returns to the couch.

“Not great. Apparently he’s really close to the royal family and damn near took Bucky’s head off. When I tried to vouch for him he told me to stop talking and that he asked Bucky. He’s never glared at me the way he did Bucky but I could’ve swore he would kill him.” Steve shakes his head as he tries to get how deadly that glare was out of his mind.

“So what happened?” Sam leans forward.

“Loki used his magic and looked through his memories, I guess. He said it all checked out but he just looked sad. It was a weird moment but it didn’t last long. Right after he gave Buck the all clear he told us about the celebration. Bucky was talking to him and he was talking to Buck. Everything was fine.” Steve leans back.

He rest his head on the back of the couch to try and hide his frustration. Everything was fine, it all seemed fine. Steve can’t wrap his head around how weird Loki was acting though.

“So Loki looked through Bucky’s memories?” Sam back tracks a little.

“Yea, at least that’s what Buck said. He said that Loki looked through his memories and made every blurry detail clear.” Steve says dismissively not seeing the importance of said details.

Sam stares at him for a second before nodding. He decides telling Steve the importance of Bucky getting all his memories back at once and Loki seeing all of them in real time was something he should realize on his own. So he changes the topic completely.

“So what happened before today? What did you and Loki fight about?” Sam tilts his head.

“I thought we agreed to skip therapy tonight?” Steve narrows his eyes.

“I agreed to that for Bucky. You clearly need help with Loki. If I don’t help now I’ll have to help more when he inevitably breaks up with you.” Sam now waves his hand dismissively. “Tell me what happened?”

Steve groans. “We…” he pauses an embarrassment staining his cheeks and drying his throat. He’s talked to Sam about this stuff before. When he first called out Bucky’s name he ran to Sam with so much confusion but having to say it happened again. He’s not sure why it feels so different this time. His eyes subconsciously slide towards the guest room hall then focus back on Sam.

Sam gives him a look. It starts sympathetic then evolves to a knowing glance. It makes Steve clear his throat and adjust in his seat again.

“We were having sex and I called out Bucky’s name again. Loki essentially shut down and we got in a small argument. Long story short I accused Loki of cheating on me with…with you.” Steve avoids eye contact completely.

Sam is quiet for a very long time. He doesn’t move, he barely blinks. He simply stares at Steve in disbelief, utter disbelief. For one second he thinks it might be a joke. That Steve was just trying to avoid talking about what actually happened. But the tension in his shoulders and the guilt in his posture tells him otherwise.

“Are you fucking stupid?” Sam damn near yells. “Loki would never do that to you. I would never do that to you. We would never hurt you like that Steve.” Sam looks at him so dumbfounded it’s almost insulting.

“I know that now.” Steve mumbles.

“Now!” He actually yells this time.

“Yes! Now! I regretted it the moment it came out my mouth okay? I fucked up and I know that. I’m trying to fix it Sam. I really am.” Steve sighs.

Sam rolls his eyes. “How?”

“I’m…ya know. Giving him more attention. Trying to show he’s my main focus.” Steve shrugs awkwardly.

“You’re joking right? You have to do more than that Steve. You fucked up in two different way and all your doing is giving him extra cuddles.” Sam shakes his head.

“Okay so what do you suggest I do?” Steve glares a bit.

Sam chooses to ignore the glare completely. “You need to actually step it up. Plan dates, do the things he normally does for you. Give him a break from your bullshit and just try to love him harder than you already were.”

“Okay, I can do that. I’m gonna fix this. I can fix this, right?” Steve’s anxiety comes the moment he has an ounce of confidence.

“I mean…probably. Loki must really love you cause I would’ve left a long time ago. So as long as you keep Loki as your priority things will more than likely work out.” Sam shrugs

Steve frowns at the lack of clarity. He was really hoping for a more direct answer. A simple yes, everything will be fine but Sam doesn’t lie to him. It’s one of the reason they got so close to one another. Sam was the only person who’d be honest with him no matter what.

So Steve accepts that Sam doesn’t actually know the answer. That it’s up to Steve to solve this and lock in the answer as yes. That he has to do it by himself that even if he follows Sam’s advice there’s still a chance he can mess it up or Loki won’t forgive him in the end.

“What did you and James talk about?” Sam sits back once again changing the subject which Steve almost appreciates since it gets him out his head. But it does put him in a different uncomfortable conversation about the other man in his life.

Steve stares at him for a bit and Sam just returns the stare. He sighs softly before adjusting in his seat.“…he was saying that I was a safe place in between his nightmares when he was in cryosleep. That he missed me and then he asked why I came back for him.” Steve does his best to hold his blush back.

Sam simply nods again. Even as Steve’s eyes search for an answer. He gives none. He once again moves on completely.

“So he's down there right?” Sam jokes as he stands up. He jokingly motions down the hall.

Steve hates to admit it actually makes him smile but he does his best to cover it up by rolling his eyes. “No, Loki is still with Wanda actually. If you're talking about Bucky, then yes. He’s in the guest room.” Steve motions down the hall in the same joking way Sam did.

"Good job." Sam punches him in the chest as they walk down the hall.

"Ugh, shut up." Steve smiles as they stop in front of the door.

"But if I shut up you might say something stupid. We both know you can't handle me being mad at you too." Sam beams as he knocks.

"You're probably right." Steve mumbles.

When there’s no answer Sam knocks again. Still no answer so he slowly opens the door.

Bucky sits on the bed, just staring at the wall. Doesn’t move an inch as the two enter the room. He doesn’t respond when Sam or Steve greets him. Bucky is completely spaced out.

Steve looks at him with so much concern. He subconsciously starts moving towards him and Sam stops him from getting too close. His immediate reaction is to pull Bucky into a hug and Sam stopping him makes his blood start to boil.

Sam slowly steps in front of Bucky and kneels down to get a better look at his eyes. “Hey Bucky can you hear me?” Sam ask softly. He gets a really slow blink in response. Sam tilts his head once it happens. “Can you blink a bit faster if you can hear me?” Bucky does just that and Sam smiles. "That’s great Bucky. I’m going to assume you don’t feel like talking so I’m just gonna ask you some yes or no question. You can blink once for no and twice for yes. Does that make sense?”

Bucky blinks twice it’s not very fast but it’s also not painfully slow so Sam counts it as a win.

“Great, are you okay?”

One blink.

“Okay, do you feel safe?”

Two blinks.

“Do you want to be alone?”

One blink.

“Do you need help moving?”

One blink.

“Do you need anything?”

One blink.

“Do you feel present right now?”

Bucky slowly focuses on Sam. His eyes are not really focusing on Sam's eyes just simply flicking to every feature of his face. “You know about Winter?”

“Winter?” Sam ask softly.

Steve steps up only knowing the little bit Bucky has said about Winter. “He’s like the assassin part of him from what I can tell. He’s who was in control on the bridge.” He speaks softly.

Sam nods and focuses on Bucky’s eyes again. He’s still staring, his eyes never staying on one feature though. At first Sam thought he was still waiting for an answer. Then he realizes with the amount of worry in his eyes, he’s most likely watching his reaction to learning about Winter. So he gives a small smile and a nod.

“Okay, so Bucky are you in control right now?" Sam asks casually.

"For now, Winter...I don't always know what's me and what's him. How much of me is truly left? Where I begin and where Winter ends. I...I don't know ." Bucky looks down as his fist clinch.

"That's understandable you spent decades in and out of sleep. When you were awake you had no control whatsoever. So it makes sense to be confused about who you are. Does Winter scare you?" Sam softens his voice. He can see the frustration in his posture.

"I...maybe. Loki told me not to be afraid of him. The moment we met he immediately knew about Winter. He said not to fear him." Bucky relaxes for a second as he hears Loki's words in his mind.

"Do you trust Loki?" Sam watches as Bucky shifts, how he looks at Steve for a second before focusing on the floor.

"I...I think so..." He mumbles.

"Does Winter?" Sam hides his surprise as Bucky looks straight into his eyes.

"Winter is scared of Loki." He says confidently.

"Do you know why?"

"Because Loki's not scared of Winter." He mumbles.

"Ha, that's not surprising. Loki's not someone to be messed with. Listen Bucky, you have to sit down with Winter and learn as much as you can about him. If you wanna be comfortable with him or not fear him. Once you sit down with him you'll be able to understand exactly who you are." Sam offers reassurance and Bucky nods.

"Okay." Bucky looks down.

"So what's with Winter's staring? Does he know English?"

"Yea, Winter speaks English and Russian. He just doesn't like to talk. I don't know why." Bucky mumbles.

"Do you like to talk?" Sam tilts his head.

"I...I used to. Now..." Bucky takes a deep breath. "Now it just feels wrong." he mumbles.

"Okay, I can work with that." Sam nods.

"Darling! The royal family is here. Come, everyone, let's eat!" Loki calls out.

Hearing his voice makes Bucky and Steve snap up. Both ready to move in an instant. Sam gets up slower than the other two. He watches as they both move eagerly to the front of the house. A smirk settling on his lips. As the three enter the room T'Challa steps past Loki as he greets Shuri.

"Ah there they are. Which of you is James?" T'challa smiles, his Wakandain accent is new to both soldiers ears.

Both soldiers note the three warriors standing at the door. They hold spears and keep a straight face as they watch their King move closer to them.

"I-I am." Bucky slowly steps from beside Steve.

He's nervous, of course he's nervous. He's meeting a King who's suppose to be able to help him properly. Someone who's so close to Loki they're ready to have dinner with one another at the drop of a hat. He knows Loki is powerful so just how Powerful is T'challa.

While trying to lower his heart rate. Time slows down, for Bucky at least. T'challa makes eye contact with him. He watches as the joy leaves his eyes and gets replaced with pure rage. How his face contorts into something deadly. T'challa charges at him, his Black Panther suit quickly covering his body. Winter immediately takes over, making their body move in a way that Bucky can't process.

Chapter Text

"Excuse me honey." Loki smiles at Shuri then teleports in between T'Challa and Bucky.

He smiles at T'Challa as he uses a wall of magic to stop his attack fully. Once he hits the wall, Loki holds up his hands as multiple spears are aimed at him.

"You're protecting that murder?" He hisses with betrayal.

"T'Chall-"

"That man killed our father! The man who insisted we help you. Who welcomed you into our kingdom. You dare disrespect him by protecting that vile man."

"I would never disrespect the late King." Loki stays calm as T'Challa starts to pace the room his claws out and ready to attack.

"Yet here you stand in the way of bringing his killer to justice." His voice booms as his patience starts to run thin.

"T'Challa I can assure you-"

"MOVE LOKI!" He yells.

"I can not." Loki says matter of factly, standing his ground.

"I will take you down with him, if you do not move." He growls giving one last warning.

"I will not fight you brother. I just need you to listen."

"Why would I listen to a traitor like y-"

"Brother enough. Let him speak. He must have a reason for protecting him. You know he loves father and would never betray his memory in such a way." Shuri takes a calmer tone once T'Challa looks at her. "Listen to him before you cause irreparable harm to your relationship." She says sternly.

"Thank you, Shuri." Loki bows to her and she motions for him to go on. "Brother, please, let me explain. James is not responsible for the murder of your father. Steve told me this morning-" Loki starts only for T'Challa to cut him off once more.

"You'd trust anything he tells you. You're blindly loyal to him and thinking with your heart not your brain. This is your last chance to step aside." He steps forward.

"T'Challa, I never think with my heart. I looked through his memories and saw nothing to do with your father."

T'Challa is quiet for a second before giving Loki a demanding look

"Show me." He growls.

Loki's whole demeanor changes as he turns away from T'Challa. His shoulders relax and his face gets a soft smile. In seconds all threats in his stance melts away. Almost like a switch was flipped, triggering his softer side.

"James are you okay with that?" He turns to finally looks at the soldiers.

Steve stands somewhat in front of Buck. Who barely acknowledges his presence as he does so. Sam still stands behind the two watching closely as everything unfolds. It's immediately clear to Loki that Winter is in control. His grip adjusts on the knife in his flesh hand as his metal arm stays up in defense. His eyes stay locked on T'Challa barely acknowledging Loki at all. He slowly walks in front of him blocking his view of the King and making him look into his eyes.

"You did a good job Winter. Bucky is safe, you're both safe I promise. Will you let Bucky come forward or give me permission to show the king your memories. You did nothing wrong and I want to show him that. Just Like I did this morning. It'll be just as seamless and cause no pain to either of you." Loki does his best to comfort the killer in control, a hand resting on his shoulder.

Winter's eyes slowly shift from T'Challa to Loki. They soften as he quietly answers. It's soft and barely perceivable to anyone else. "Start from my creation." He mumbles.

"Of course, thank you Winter. Will you sit down?" He motions to the floor.

The knife gets tucked away and he sits down. His posture is still stiff and that's the only tell Steve has to Winter being in control. He watches as Loki sits beside Winter then pats the spot beside him. There's a tense silence in the room as the Dora Milaje don't lower their spears. If anything they step closer as T'Challa joins the two on the floor. Loki continues to move slowly and Steve wonders who it is for exactly.

Anyone looking in would assume its for the warriors currently in defense mode. Ready to defend their King the moment someone moves too fast. Then there's the just as reasonable response of assuming it's for Winter. After watching how gently Loki calmed him down and how slowly he was moving then. He wouldn't blame you for thinking its only for Bucky's sake.

Steve glances at Sam once Loki touches both the men's foreheads. Both their heads drop as Loki's fingers glow. He steps back towards him as one of the warriors watches his every move.

"Winter is interesting." Sam mumbles once he's beside him.

"He's something that's for sure." Steve mumbles.

"You don't like him." Sam states, not asks. He doesn't need to ask he knows the answer already.

"N-no, I...he doesn't make sense to me."

"Well based off how Loki just treated him. I'd assume he's like Bucky's fight or flight. He just wants to keep them safe." Sam mutters keeping a close eye on the trio.

"But I'm not a threat and he's attacked me before." Steve glares at Winter but all he sees is his Bucky so the glare drops and he feels bad.

"I mean, he doesn't know that." Sam shrugs.

"But Bucky does."

"Does he? The last time he saw you, you were falling out a window after Winter beat your ass. Made he thought you'd want revenge. That you were still angry. You can't assume how everyone feels about everything Steve." Sam shrugs.

Steve sighs, he's right. He's been assuming how both of them feel. Trying to rationalize with himself by saying they're fine. That they're both okay with each other when he has no real proof of that. Loki is polite so of course he'll answer Bucky's questions. Bucky is curious so of course he'll ask questions. There's no real proof that they see one another as friends. Buck said Winter is scared of Loki. So something happened at some point to establish that fear. Something he doesn't know about.

"Did it take this long last time?" Sam leans towards him.

"No, it was actually really fast last time. Maybe two to five minutes tops." Steve mumbles as they enter minute ten.

"You think they're okay?" He tilts his head.

"I'm sure they're fine. Loki wouldn't have done it if it was dangerous for any of them. Just give him a minute." Steve tries to convince him and Sam that its all fine.

But he's burning with questions. Knowing he can't get answers yet till they come out of it makes his anxiety tick. It's possible something bad did happen. That one or all of them are in danger. That they need help and he'd never know till they woke up, if they woke up. That thought alone sends his anxiety through the roof. He fidgets with his hands and just waits. After five more minutes T'Challa lifts his head first followed by Loki and Bucky at the same time.

"What took so long?" Steve immediately steps forward only for a warrior to aim a spear at him. Sam pulls him back and Steve fights back. Wanting answers and not having the awareness to be concerned.

"Both T'Challa and Bucky had questions." Loki smirks as he subtly glances at Bucky.

"You can communicate there?" Steve asks a bit surprised.

"Yes but only when it's three or more. Our minds become linked and we're able to show our memories to each other." Loki chuckles softly.

Before Steve can ask anything else Loki shifts his attention to Shuri as she steps forward.

"Well?" Shuri rest a hand on her brother's shoulder.

"He didn't do it." He mumbles before standing up straight. "James I apologize for trying to harm you and Loki I apologize for calling you a traitor. I should've known you'd never do something like that. You'd never disrespect my father or his spirit." T'Challa bows at them both and Loki bows back.

Loki who's somewhat close to Bucky puts a hand on the back of his neck and forces him to bow. Bucky slowly tenses under his touch but its notable that Winter didn't react to the sudden touch. Once Loki's hand drops Bucky takes his time before standing up straight.

"It's quite alright." Loki looks at Bucky who can't look at either of them right now.

He's blushing hard with his eyes trained on the floor. Loki can't help but chuckle at that.

"Loki do you know who killed father?" Shuri ask softly.

"No, I don't. I haven't had the chance to truly look into it. I promise I'll alert you immediately once I have a clue. We'll avenge your father don't worry honey, I swear on it." He kisses her forehead and she nods.

"You're so irritating." T'Challa playfully hits him in the chest as his Black Panther suit finally starts to disappear. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? You could've given me a warning or something. Instead you made me look like a complete dick." he huffs after hitting him again.

Loki laughs as he takes the hits and smirks at the king. "You wouldn't have believed me if I did. You barely believed me just now. I can only imagine how much worse it would've been over the phone."

"You still could've tried." He mutters and he heads to the table after waving his hand.

The warriors all stand down and take post by the entry ways.

"Come let's eat yes?" he gestures to the chairs and everyone gets moving.

"Ugh finally, I thought that was going to last forever." Sam finally makes his presence known to both siblings, who laugh as they pull him into a hug.

"We didn't know you would be here Sam." Shuri beams as she takes her seat in front of Loki.

"Yea, I was coming over anyway then Steve told me you guys were coming for dinner. I just had to stay."

"So...how do you guys know each other." Steve ask also letting his presence be known.

"Well all black people know each other Stevie." Sam shrugs as he throws an arm around T'Challa's shoulder

T'Challa laughs before hitting Sam in the stomach. "Don't do that to him. He's joking. My cousin introduced us, Sam's father basically raised him." T'Challa waves him off.

Steve laughs awkwardly as he sits beside Loki and Bucky sits beside him. T'Challa sits in front of Steve and Sam sits in front of Bucky.

Loki uses his magic to serve dinner and the group all start eating. After giving the table some time to eat and catch up. T'Challa clears his throat and sets his fork down.

"While dinner is truly amazing, we do have some business to attend to. Loki, will you please explain what's going on? Why do you need help brother?" T'Challa looks at him with genuine concern.

"I mentioned on the phone that it's actually my friend who needs help, James." Loki motions before sitting up a bit. "James was severely brainwashed and because of this has programming he'd like reversed. I pray you're willing to help him, anything I may exchange to ensure it. I'm more than willing to provide."

"Of course we'll help. We need nothing from you brother. You care enough about him to ask us directly, that's all that matters." Shuri reaches across the table to grab Loki's hand.

"Thank you Sister." Loki squeezes her hand.

"I must warn you James. It won't be easy." T'Challa's voice gains a sudden seriousness.

"Or pleasant. It'll be rather painful at times and we'll have to trigger you on purpose. Multiple times to truly understand what we're working with and if our methods are working." Shuri's voice is apologetic.

Bucky snaps up at that statement. A deep frown on his lips. "No." He says firmly. "I'm a programmed killer. I'm ruthless and have no control of myself. The last thing I want to do is hurt either of you. Even if it's against my will. I can't let you see that monster in me." Bucky shakes his head as he stares at his arm. Clenching and unclenching his metal hand.

It's brief. The unconcerned look Loki gives T'Challa. He returns the look just as quickly though and has to stop himself from laughing. He knows that for James being triggered is life or death for the average person. But T'Challa and Loki aren't average and they'd never let him hurt anyone under their watch. So when a soft chuckle slips through Loki tries to cover it by clearing his throat.

"James, we'd never let that happen. Trust me." Loki states calmly, all traces of a smile completely gone.

"You can't promise that." Bucky scowls as he leans forward to look at him.

"We actually can, my warriors are more than capable of stopping you James. It's what they're trained to do. If they can't, I can but if that doesn't soothe you just know Loki can teleport to me in an instant. He can even teleport into Wakanda. If he senses we need help he'll be there in a heartbeat. You're not alone in this and we'll ensure you stay safe during the process.

Bucky doesn't know how to feel. He's pretty sure he should be a little offended by how much they're underestimating Winter. That he should feel a little relief that they're promising the possibility of complete safety for everyone involved. But also nervous that the process will be painful. It's a mixed bag of emotions to say the least. So he simply nods and looks down. Picking at his food.

"James, may I see your arm?" Shuri changes the subject.

James looks up and stares at her for a second before nodding. He stretches his arm out as she makes her way around the table. She studies the metal and taking in the robotic sounds it makes as it moves.

"Was this willing?" She ask softly.

"No, I fell and lost my arm. When I woke this one was there. It's an uncomfortable reminder to say the least."

"Is that from the memories or because it's actually uncomfortable?" Shuri tries to clarify.

"Both, some days it hurts more than others." Bucky stares at the metal.

"What kind of pain is it? Like a swelling or stabbing type of pain?" She tilts her head.

"It's more like a stabbing, aching pain. There's also a soreness to it." He looks around the table. Sam is watching their interaction very closely. Like he's taking notes of everything Bucky is saying. Steve is split between the groups. Focusing on Bucky for a bit before switching over to Loki. Who's talking with T'Challa like it's just them in the room. The more Loki laughs the more it drives Steve insane. It comes off so easily for him almost like they've known each other for years.

It makes Steve wonder how close they've been. If they've been this close how come Loki never said anything. How come he's just now meeting T'challa? They've been together for about three years now. It seems like T'challa is his best friend but Loki's never mentioned him not even in passing. He's never alluded to him either, but their so comfortable with each other. T'challa is more than comfortable to touch him and Loki has rarely stopped smiling.

Steve freezes, it's almost like they've slept together. Like they've been in a relationship. Maybe that's why he never said anything. Is it possible they still have feelings for each other? That the reason he's yet to stop smiling is because he still loves him. The reason T'Challa keeps touching him is because they still want each other. No, he can't keep thinking that way. He thought that way about Sam and he was so very wrong. So wrong that Loki left. He can't do that again, he can't go through that again. He has too much anxiety every time Loki leaves the room. So he focuses on Bucky and ignores Loki and T'Challa completely.

"If you don't mind me asking. May I see where the prosthetic connects?" Shuri watches as Bucky tenses up.

"Here?" He asks softly.

"We can go to a different room if that makes you more comfortable." Shuri smiles.

"Yes please." Bucky says softly.

"Do you mind if I come too?" Sam ask softly.

"Sure, why not? Anyone else wanna come?" Bucky grumbles.

"Oooh, he's getting sassy. I knew he did more than stare." Sam laughs as they stand up.

Shuri laughs softly and the three of them walk off towards the guest room. Now with no one to focus on Steve has to focus on Loki and T'Challa.

He does his best to ignore the heat building in his chest as he once again watches T'Challa hit his hand. Loki smirks as he uses his magic to move his cup out of his reach.

"We are not playing this game again Friggason." He narrows his eyes.

"Oh come on.You become King now you can't have any fun. What a shame." Loki teases.

"This has nothing to do with me being King. It's your inability to play fair." He glares as he crosses his arms.

"I play very fair. I just thought you had more skill. I can go easy on you. Since you're clearly losing your touch." Loki moves the cup closer to T'Challa

He reaches up snatching the cup out of the air.

"Ha me! You're clearly losing your touch. You used to be faster."

"How can you be sure I'm not just moving slower so you can keep up better. I'd hate to embarrass such an important person in front of his peers." Loki speaks with a dramatic flare as he motions around the room. That earns a few stifled chuckles from the Dora Milaje warriors.

"We both know that's a lie." he looks so annoyed it makes Loki burst into laughter.

Steve is beyond jealous. His chest is on fire and he has to clench his fist to keep from saying something. He looks down, trying to rationalize the situation. Trying to frame it from the perspective of friends, brothers, just messing with each other. He does his best to get the lover's angle out of his mind.

Loki glance at Steve. He hears his heavy breathing and how his heart rate is skyrocketing. He knows he should stop. That him messing with T'Challa the way he is. Is only making him angry and jealous. But he doesn't, he likes it. A small part of him wanted a bit of proper revenge for what he had to endure.

A small smirk crosses his face as he leans towards T'Challa. Watching Steve from the corner of his eye. He's looking up and watching them closely. T'Challa doesn't lean away or even flinch when he gets closer. He just chuckles a more noticeable smirk pulling at his lips. He's not fully aware of what's going on but he knows it's a game. So he plays along like always.

"Loki, what are you up to?" He asks his smirk never falling.

"Nothing, just talking. Right Stevie?" He turns to look at him.

Doing his best to hide his jealousy he forces a smile. A forced laughter comes out his mouth. He wraps an arm around Loki and leans towards him. "Yea, he's just talking."

T'Challa stares between the two before laughing. "You two are quite the couple."

Bucky, Shuri, and Sam come back. Sam picks up on the tension immediately. He looks to Steve who's back to looking down. When he looks to Loki there's a smugness as he rubs Steve's back. T'Challa just looks completely amused.

Steve looks up for a split second to glance at Bucky. Who's a bit more relaxed than before. That makes him a bit happier. Knowing that he's starting to feel safer with other people. Not just him.

The moment Shuri sits down T'Challa leans towards her. The siblings start whispering with each other. Doing their best to have a private conversation without leaving the table. Steve can't help but notice how often T'Challa looks at him as he does this. So to distract himself he leans closer to Bucky.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He ask softly.

"Fine, Shuri's nice and I guess so is Sam." he mumbles.

"Yea, I told you Sam would grow on you."

"He's yet to do that." Bucky glares.

Steve laughs as he leans away from him.

"James, where would you like to do the reversal?" Shuri finally turns away from T'Challa.

"Oh, wherever is easiest for you. I'd hate to inconvenience you especially since you're helping me so much." Bucky looks down.

"Thank you James, that's very kind of you." T'Challa smiles.

"And there's no shame in getting help. It's not a burden to anyone involved." Sam keeps his voice soft.

Bucky nods, still looking down.

"We can do the treatment at Wakanda. We have the best labs and the most secure facilities there. We can guarantee your safety during the process."

"How long will it take?" Steve perks up.

"We can't be sure, if I had to guess maybe a year...minimum." Shuri shrugs as she tries to estimate a time frame for Steve. The fact of the matter is she doesn't truly know. She doesn't know what she's working with. She does know that James wants it reversed which does speed the process up.

"A year?" he tries, really tries to hide every negative emotion that boils to the surface. He tries to push down the jealous heat, anger boiling his blood, and the tears threatening to fall.

He just got him back now he might be going away for a year. A whole year maybe longer than that. He knows its for the better but damn if that doesn't hurt him. He's back to looking down. Focusing on his hands as tonight starts to overwhelm him.

Loki gently grabs his hand, rubbing soothing circles on his palm. "It'll be okay Darling." Loki scoots closer to him.

"You guys could visit whenever you want or if it's easier for you guys, we could just get him on the weekends." T'Challa quickly tries to reassure him.

Something about that makes Steve so embarrassed. He quickly realizes everyone is staring at him. With so many emotions coursing through him he runs off. Slamming the door shut as he leans against it. He slowly slides down it and tries to calm down.

Chapter Text

Steve runs to their room, slamming the door, before sliding down it. His head sinks between his knees as he tries to get his breathing under control. Tears burn in his eyes threatening to fall.His cheeks are red with embarrassment. Of course they are. He just embarrassed himself in front of a King. A man who's surprisingly close to his partner. The man who's supposed to be helping his best friend. His best friend who's in a lot of pain, who doesn't really know who he is. It's important to him that he gets all the help he needs.

Steve stands up the tears finally falling. He knows he can't be selfish about this. Sure he just found him but Bucky doesn't owe him anything. What kind of friend would he be if he let Bucky suffer all because he can't let him go. He's not even supposed to be holding on to him so tight. He has an amazing, supportive, and patient boyfriend. One who can only be patient for so long.

Loki teleports into their room and stares at Steve as he starts to pace. He doesn't know Loki is there yet as he starts to mumble to himself.

"Calm down, Steve. You need to do better." He chants softly.

"Darling? Are you okay?" Loki finally speaks and Steve's head snaps in his direction.

"Y-y-yea, yea I'm okay. I um...my emotions got the better of me. I'll be out in a second. I swear." Steve nods and shakes his head. Clearly not sure what emotion he's trying to betray.

"Can you breathe for me, Darling?" Loki takes slow steps towards him.

"Yea, yea,yep." He does his best to slow down his breathing. With Loki so close by he's actually able to start calming down.

They sit in silence, the only sound is Loki. Trying to get Steve to copy his breathing. He follows his lead soon enough and he presses his face into Loki's chest once he's close enough.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me." he mumbles softly.

"I can think of a few things. I'm assuming jealousy is the main reason though." Loki shrugs.

"You're a dick." Steve mumbles and Loki chuckles softly.

"And I can feel yours. Your point?" Loki shifts his hips forward causing Steve to moan.

Steve bites his lip and the couple sit in silence. He press his faces harder into Loki's chest.

"Darling, what's wrong?" He rubs his back as he ask softly.

"I-I want to ask you something but I'm scared you'll leave." Steve confesses.

"Steve, I'm not going to leave you. You can ask me anything?"

"You left before, when I asked about you and Sam."

"You didn't ask about Sam. You accused me of cheating on you with him. You questioned how deep my love is for you. You questioned my loyalty to you. That hurts me in a way I'll never be able to explain. So you asking me a question is nowhere near the same Steve. Please ask what you need to ask, I promise I'll still be here." Loki presses a kiss to the top of his head.

"D-d-did you sleep with T'Challa?" He stutters out.

Steve holds his breath. His heart rate raising as he waits for Loki's answer. He's so convinced that Loki is going to leave now. That he's going to pull back or teleport away. So he holds him a little tighter. Scared that the moment he breathes. That the moment he lets go he'll be gone.

"Yes about six years ago. Before we got together. My family had...diplomatic business to handle with the Wakandians. While we were there T'Challa and I did have a fling. Is that all you want to ask?" Loki pulls back a little.

"How come you never told me?" Steve stares at him.

"Like how you told me about Bucky?" Loki looks right back.

"Bucky is different?"

"Is he? You never told me about Bucky till you started looking for him. You never once mentioned him, not even in passing. You told me about your mom and Peggy, but not Bucky." Loki pulls away completely. "Why didn't you? He's such a big part of your life and I just started to hear about him. Now that he's here, he's a lot more than you led me to believe. So yea, I didn't mention my history with T'Challa so you'd know how it feels. What it's like to see you clinging to someone you have history with." Loki crosses his arms.

"I have not been clinging to Bucky." Steve glares.

"The moment he enters the room, you're right by his side. I'm surprised you didn't follow Shuri and Sam when they went to look at his arm." He huffs.

"Loki... I'm sorry. You're right. It sucks watching you with T'Challa. If you feel the same way when I'm with Bucky then I'm sorry. Do you want Bucky to leave? He can stay in Wakanda. I-I don't want to make you more uncomfortable than I've already been doing." Steve shrinks in on himself.

He doesn't want Bucky to go but it'd be for the better right? It'd make Loki happy which would make them happy. They would be able to work things out easier. So Steve stares at Loki who sighs.

Loki hates the idea of Bucky leaving. He knows it'll hurt Steve in a way he'll probably hide. If he kicks Bucky out, Steve will start to resent him. So he huffs and shakes his head.

"No, Bucky can stay here. I don't mind Bucky being here. I just want you to be more mindful about how you act with him when I'm there. I get it Steve, he's your first love. You can't hide that. You can't help but cling to him. You gravitate to him, but can you just gravitate to me when I'm there." Loki begs, his eyes pleading.

It makes Steve take a step back. He stares at Loki and the moment his eyes drop Steve is right by his side. "Yes, yes. Loki of course. I'm sorry, I'll be by your side. I promise."

Loki nods and kisses his forehead.

"I'm sorry I got so jealous, I didn't mean to cause a scene." Steve mumbles.

"You don't need to apologize for your emotions. I promise there's nothing between T'Challa and I. Everything that happened between us was in the past. We have no interest of starting it up again. We're passed that point in our lives." He rubs his back.

"You swear?" Steve hesitates to look up.

"Yes Darling, I'm yours and your mine. All I need is you." He stares deep in his eyes, making a promise with his eyes.

"Only me?" Steve whispers, a hesitancy grows in his eyes.

Loki runs a hand down his back grouping his ass.

"Only you, you're mine Steven and I'm yours." Loki leans down and kiss his neck. "All mine." He sucks a big hickey along his neck. Smirking as the bruise develops quickly.

"I'm yours." He smiles and looks down. Running his hand over the mark.

"Are you ready to go back out?" Loki motions to the door.

"A-Are they still there?" He stares at the door.

Loki closes his eyes and projects himself to see the four still at the table. They're talking about what exactly they'll be doing to reverse Bucky's brainwashing.

"Yes, they're still here. Do you want to wait? I can ask them to leave." Loki gives suggestions, seeing the nervousness he suddenly gains.

"N-no, I want them to see it. I want them to know I'm yours." Steve nods.

"Would you like to mark me?" Loki smirks.

"It's not about me, handsome. Let's go." Steve opens the door for him.

Loki walks out and takes his seat in front of Shuri. He looks back and watches as Steve takes a deep breath then walks out. He heads to the kitchen first and comes back with a bottle of wine. He pours everyone a glass. Making the hickey the center of attention. When he sits down Bucky is glaring at the mark. It takes everything in Steve's power not to look at him. He actually shifts closer to Loki. This makes Sam and T'Challa smirk.

"T'Challa, I want to apologize to you and Shuri. It was rude of me to storm off like that. We appreciate the help you guys are willing to provide Bucky with. Thank you." Steve smiles.

"Of course Steve, we accept your apology. I also want to apologize. I didn't know that James had entered you and Loki's relationship. If I had picked up on it sooner I never would've suggested separating you guys. So just be clear, you're all welcome in Wakanda and can stay there while James gets his treatment." T'Challa beams.

Sam and Loki immediately start laughing while Steve and Bucky both blush like crazy. Both their faces are as red as tomatoes. Steve starts to shake his head doing his best to deny the King's statement. He stumbles desperately over his words while Bucky just looks down. Steve takes a deep breath before glaring at Loki. Who meets his eyes with an amused smirk.

"Lo, why are you laughing?" Steve whines a little

"That's simple Darling, your reaction is funny. You should see how red you both are." He chuckles softly.

"You know we're not together. You should be denying it, not laughing." He huffs out of annoyance.

"We're not." Loki nods his smirking coming back. "But I'm not afraid of a poly relationship or threesomes." Loki shrugs.

Steve's jaw drops. It's never something they've talked about. They never had to. They never needed to. So...so why is he bringing it up now?

"I can attest to that." T'Challa winks and Steve can't help the anger that starts to bubble up in his chest.

That is until Shuri hits the back of his head. "Gross. Will you shut up, we know you're just trying to make him jealous again." she glares.

He feigns a gasp of shock and surprise. "Jealous, I would never. I'm just extending an invitation."

"One we'll have to reject." Steve crosses his arms.

"Of course, your crossheirs are on James afterall. I completely understand." T'Challa chuckles as he stands up. "I believe our business is done. James, Steve, it was nice to meet you both. We'll be back in two weeks to get James on the weekend." T'Challa smiles.

"Bucky didn't joi-"

"Bye brother." Loki cuts Steve off.

They all hug and say their goodbyes. The Wakandians leave and Sam stops at the door.

"I'll be back in a week Buck. If you need to talk sooner Steve and Loki have my number so just ask one of them. I'll get out of here so you guys can figure out your throuple." Sam laughs as he rushes out the door.

Steve groans softly as he locks the door. He turns around and Loki still has an amused smirk.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Steve sighs as he walks towards Loki.

"No reason, Darling." he glances at Bucky who still hasn't moved.

"I'm sorry for reacting like that."

"You're okay." he smiles.

"I don't think T'Challa likes me." he looks down.

"Don't worry about it Darling. T'Challa was just messing with you. He likes you when he teases you." He chuckles as he rubs his arm.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He asks softly.

"I did and I meant what I said. If our path goes that way. I'm willing to work something out when the time comes." Loki states.

He didn't originally want to bring it up. But he logically knew that if Steve chose Bucky polyamory could be an option. He's more than willing to share Steve then lose him completely. Sure he didn't want to bring it up until he had to. So far Steve has never denied wanting Bucky. He's just been denying that there was something going on between them. Even though it's not the way he wanted to bring it up. He might as well leave it on the table. Make it clear that it's at least an option.

"Loki..." Steve gets quiet.

When he looks in his eyes he sees that uncertainty. That pleading look he had in the room. He doesn't understand why Loki is so convinced something is going to happen. That he's going to leave him. All he's been saying is that he wants Loki. Is it a lie? A lie he's not aware of. Loki knows when people are lying it's a power of his. So maybe Loki can tell he's lying and Steve just doesn't realize it. It feels true to him. He hates the idea of Loki leaving but he also hates the idea of Bucky leaving. Is that why?

"It's okay Darling. When the time comes we'll talk about it." Loki starts to walk away.

Steve grabs his arm and stops him from walking off. "Loki, I only want you. I'm sorry if I haven't made that clear. So I'll make it clear now." With that Steve drops to his knees and looks up at Loki. "I belong to you Loki. Only you." He kisses his hand.

"Steve, you don't need to prove anything." Loki sighs a little.

"But I do. You're still questioning my love for you. I want to change that. I don't know if you know something that I don't. If my words hold a lie I haven't realized yet. But right now. At this moment all I want is you." his tone begs Loki to believe him.

"Only me?" Loki asks softly as he looks deep into his eyes.

"Only you." Steve raises up and starts to undo Loki's pants.

"Steve, wait-" Loki gets cut off as Steve is already taking him in his mouth.

His eyes fall shut as he rests a hand on Steve's head. He moans out and it crosses his mind that he should teleport them to their room. That Bucky was still at the table and might still be there. So he opens his eyes to check. To see if Bucky left or not.

He's still there, not only is he there he's also watching. He makes eye contact with Loki. First he jumps but when he sees no anger, he tilts his head. He leans forward with a blank stare. Loki presses Steve's head, forcing him to take him deeper. Then he wink at Bucky before closing his eyes again.

He's pretty sure Steve did it on purpose. That there's no possible way he forgot Bucky was there that fast. So who is he to ruin Steve's romantic gesture. He can't deny the amount of pure pleasure he gets from watching Steve choose him. Then with Bucky willing watching. Their throuple might not be as impossible as he once thought.