Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Set just before the Solar System Trials, but after the Moon Revolution.

Awareness jolted Venus awake rather rudely, making his vision swim as he rolled onto his knees. Knees? Why am I on my knees? Venus glanced around at the strange room they had appeared in. It seemed to be trying to imitate space, with dark sides and pinpricks of light scattered along its box-interior, as well as a large glowing screen hung at one end. Venus wasn’t impressed, however, the scattered lights resembled no constellations he knew, and the glowing light was a pale imitation of their Sun’s intense light and radiation. 

Around him lay the other rocky planets, scattered haphazardly in odd positions, in their humanoid forms. Ever since the Earthlings had begun looking to the sky and assigning gods and beliefs to the other planets, they had been able to take humanoid forms from time to time. It was costly in energy and effort, but did allow celestial bodies such as the Sun and Jupiter to move around the solar system without disrupting the balance with their immense gravity. 

“What the heck happened?” Exclaimed the Earth, rising to his feet beside Venus. The living planet glanced around and seemed to come to the same conclusion as Venus. “Why are we in a discount space box?”

“How should we know? It’s your Earthlings that build stuff like this.” Spoke Mars from the floor where he was sat checking over two smaller figures Venus hadn’t noticed before. The red planet patted down his two wriggling moons as they attempted to escape his mothering “Are you both okay?”

“We’re ok! What is this place? Can we explore?” Phobos and Deimos exclaimed, running off without waiting for Mars’ reply. Mars shook his head fondly and staggered to his feet as well. 

“Is everyone here?” Luna’s voice piped up, startling Venus. Moons always seemed to move around so unnoticed. Earth glanced around at the question, and began peering between and strange dark mounds scattered around the room.

“I think so, since there's a pile of the others passed out back here,” Venus lifted his head at the sound of the Pipsqueak and saw him clambering over the mounds to reach the other terrestrials, pointing back at a colourful lump of humanoid forms nearer the back of the room.

Now that all his fellow rocky planets were accounted for, Venus decided he’d stick by them. While things were still a little odd between them all after the mess with the moon revolution, he at least knew them better than the rest of this crazy solar system. Case and point, Venus thought, watching the Sun’s bright form surge out of the pile of planets.

“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!” Sun’s sharp voice echoed through the dark room as the golden celestial shot up and marched to the front of the room, facing the glowing screen. His form flickered brightly in anger and smoke seemed to rise from his pale hair. “WHO DARES CONFINE ME AND MY PLANETS IN THIS PLACE!”

Venus winced at the volume. While he appreciated the loud call for answers, he wished he wasn’t so close to the source. Backing towards the strange mounds again, Venus saw that the gas giants had joined the terrestrials in inspecting the room. 

“I think these are ‘bean bags’,” Earth explained, poking one and demonstrating that it was soft and weighted. “My Earthlings sit on them to be comfy. I’m not sure where the bean part comes into it though.”

“Well, they look squidgy and wobbly, like me!” Neptune piped up, throwing himself down on one. It gave under his mass, flattening and molding around him to form an almost decent looking resting place. “Ah, just as I thought, very squishy. Come on, moons, it's totally fun!” 

At their planet’s encouragement, the various small moons of Neptune bounded over and arranged themselves around him on the bean bag. The largest one, Triton, Venus thought, just settled near to the bag and made no move to get closer to his planet. Odd, Venus thought, but ice giants are always odd.

Before anyone could copy Neptune or ask another question, the screen flickered from a pale glow to a colourful night sky. The Sun took a step back, watching the screen warily as another celestial form appeared on the screen. It wasn’t any Venus recognised, and barely resembled a humanoid at all. The face was all they could see, three pale eyes ringed by a halo of grey-blue feather-like structures. It didn’t appear to have an obvious mouth, nose, or ears. Despite this, a voice came over the room, seemingly from every corner.

“Hello, hello, hello, it is lovely to see you all awake. I apologise, Sun, for this disruption to your solar system, I promise all your physical forms are in orbit and safe.” The voice was kind, but odd, seemingly emoting every word unnecessarily. It sounded almost sarcastic to Venus, but it was too random to be deliberate. 

At these words, the Sun seemed to simmer down, but only slightly.

“Why have you done this? Return us to our bodies immediately!” Snapped the Sun, glowering at the figure on the screen. Jupiter and Saturn, after directing their respective hordes of moon to the bean bags, stepped up beside the Sun. Saturn looked worried, glancing between the screen and the Sun nervously, while Jupiter looked only at the screen, seemingly both cautious and curious. 

“All in good time, I assure you, Sun. You will all be returned safe and sound after my activity is finished.” 

“Activity? I’m not doing some task for you, you feather-headed weirdo!” Venus barbed, indignation rising in his core at the audacity of this random celestial. He’d already had his fill of odd today and just wanted to return to his orbit.

“I’m afraid you have no choice, second planet from the Sun.” the voice remarked, only the twitch of its odd feathers giving away any reaction to the insult, “Not to worry though, the activity is easy! All of you, star, planets, dwarf planets, and moons included, will be watching an Earthling documentary!”

At the mention of Dwarf planets, Venus glanced behind him, and sure enough, the small forms of Pluto and other dwarf planets he didn’t recognise were huddled onto one of the bean bags near the far end of the room. Why have they been dragged here?

The Sun didn’t look any happier at that explanation, resuming his fiery glare. Jupiter, however, seemed curious and stepped forward.

“Why do you want us to watch an Earthling documentary? Is there something we need to know?” 

“No real reason, I just want to.” The being exclaimed, sounding forced and overly cheerful. “I get so bored floating around, so I thought I’d amuse myself. And this system’s life is so good at documentaries!”

The Earth almost looked proud at that comment, then seemed to recall the speaker and the situation. 

“What is the documentary about? Earthlings make them about lots of things, but I don’t think the whole solar system would be that interested in most.” Earth asked, settling down on a bean bag with Luna beside him. Concluding that this was going to take awhile, Venus copied the blue-green planet and sat down on his own bag. It gave to a surprising degree and Venus had to swallow a squeak of surprise at almost hitting the floor.

“It’s about you guys! All the planets in the solar system from Mercury to Neptune, and even some dwarfs and moons.” The being explained, “The humans have been investigating you all for a while, and what they found, you might find interesting.”

Venus looked around the room. Most of the moons looked bored or vaguely curious, but not too enthusiastic at the idea. From what little he could make out of the Dwarf planets, they seemed to be huddled together, talking in hushed voices. The two ice giants had now both settled into bean bags beside their moons. Neptune was staring vaguely off to the side at the stary walls, while Uranus looked stiff and agitated, shuffling around and disturbing his moons as he tried to get comfortable. His moons in turn looked reluctant to get too close.

After a hushed conversion with the Sun that Venus couldn’t hear, the largest gas giants headed back to their moons, sitting down beside them as the small celestials moved out of their planets’ way. Mars had somehow gathered his rambunctious moons and wrestled them onto a bag. Pipsqueak had decided to settle into the bean bag next to Venus, trapping him between him and the Earth. 

The Sun continued glaring at the screen until the image faded away with a call of, “have fun! See you on the other side!”

“The nerve!” seethed the Sun, marching back to a bag between Jupiter and Mars, crossing his golden-ringed arms with a huff.

“Well, this should be interesting…” Earth muttered beside him, grimacing at Luna, who shrugged in return. Venus turned back to the screen as it began to light up again.

The scene opened with an Earthling, a human, walking through some scrubland towards a cliff. As this happened, words appeared on the screen proclaiming the man to be a Professor (whatever that meant). 

“Is a Professor a type of Earthling?” Uranus asked, glancing at Earth.

“I guess? It’s a title really smart Earthlings get, I believe. But only humans as far as I know.” 

“The Night sky is ablaze with stars...many larger, greater, and more majestic than our sun” The voice proclaimed as the screen showed beautiful images of a sunrise within a rocky landscape.   

This is a great start. Venus thought bitterly, as the Sun seemed to puff up in indignation at the Earthling’s words. 

“Don’t worry, Sun, I’m sure the Earthling has no idea what he’s talking about.” Saturn tried to appease the star, “They know so little about space compared to us, stuck on Earth as they are.”

“And you look very pretty in this anyway!” Earth added, gesturing to the sight of the Sun rising above the earthling on the screen. Venus had to admit it was quite a sight. If only my atmosphere was thin enough to let that much light through.

“On the scale of Galaxies and Stars, the planets of our solar system are little more than grains of sand caught momentarily in the light of the sun” The human spoke, seemingly to the watching planets. “But on those moats of dust, for over 4 Billion years, great stories have played out unseen.”

“Unseen by them, maybe,” Mars muttered, “but we’ve been here the whole time.”

“They don’t know we are sentient or sapient, Mars. You saw how Astrodude reacted, he had no idea!” Earth added.

The music swelled to reveal images of a storm, then a moon disintegrating into fractions of ice, and a rain of meteors onto a planet’s surface. The voice-over proclaimed that they would be seeing stories of the solar system's planets. 

The whole room looked disturbed at the rendering of a moon being pulled apart by a planet's gravity. Saturn, especially, glanced nervously at his moons, who returned his gaze warily. I wonder what that’s all about? Venus thought to himself.

“If this Earthling is going to be talking the whole time, we need a name for him. I can’t keep calling him ‘Earthling’.” Mercury piped up after the tense silence, clearly trying to smooth it out. Venus wasn’t sure why he bothered, this whole mess was going to result in more than a few arguments.

“We could call him Brian, since that is his name.” Earth added testily, “It literally said it on the screen a minute ago.” 

“Well, I did not see that earlier, either. And even if I had, that hardly sounds like a name.” Mars put forward with a scoff. Mars’ little moons seem to sense an argument coming as well, and piped up.

“Yeah, what kind of name is Brian? Why not Phobos! It's so much cooler!”

“No! Deimos is even cooler! Phobos is silly!”

The two smaller moons dissolved into muttered squabbling as Mars pulled them back onto his bean bag.

The images showed first Mercury right next to the sun, Neptune and his largest moon, Saturn, and then finally Jupiter. “...we’ve sent space crafts to all seven of the worlds beyond our own” The voice, now named Brian, explained, while images of odd Earthling technology were shown. “These are the stories they return to Earth, the stories of the Planets.”

“Look, Triton, it’s you!” A soft voice came from Neptune’s moons, where a small moon was nudging the larger and pointing at the screen.

“I can see that, Proteus, no need to shout it.” The grumpy moon scolded softly, gently pushing the little one back into the pile. 

“How many bits of space trash have the Earthlings been shooting at us?” Venus grumbled, watching the screen as it showed a variety of odd objects. 

“Enough to make a documentary about all of us, evidently.” Jupiter answered, looking far too interested in the Earthling junk.

After a title screen confirming this as ‘The Planets’, an image of golden dust floating in the air was shown.

“That was a cool title screen though” a voice added from the back. Not one Venus recognised.

‘4.6 Billion Years Ago’ Appeared on the screen. “For the first few million years after the sun formed, there were no planets to see it rise” Brian explained over images of rock, dust and a bright light. “Just dust and gas, the leftovers from the birth of the Sun.”

“It’s like seeing our baby pictures.” Uranus muttered, looking uncomfortable. “This is so weird.”

“...that in time formed the 4 closest planets to the Sun” Brian explained how the rocks and dust formed together under their gravity over time. The camera focused on a familiar grey planet pock-marked with craters.

I guess we’re starting with the Pipsqueak, Venus signed internally, preparing for a dull watch.

“Today, Mercury is the closest of all, enduring the Sun’s full glare.”

The Sun glanced over at Mercury, smiling “That's a sun-sational place to be!”

Mercury signed, but smiled back at the Sun reluctantly.

“Further out, lies Venus, choked by a thick atmosphere.”

“This Earthling is a bit rude.” Mars noted.

“He’s just telling the truth, as far as they can see it. All they know about us is what they can see.” Earth replied.

Venus hoped this documentary wouldn’t linger too long on his own atmosphere. There were plenty of other things about him the Earthling could have learnt!

“Then, Venus’ neighbour, Earth.”

“Ha, you don’t even get a sentence from them!” Venus laughed, watching Earth frown in his direction, which only made him laugh harder. “You’re just my neighbour now.”

“And farthest of all, Mars. A cold, desert world.”

“Definitely rude.” Mars frowned.

“Together they form the only rocky, so called terrestrial planets in the solar system” The screen panned past images of the planets hanging in space, ending on a shot of Earth, the Moon, and the Sun far in the distance, demonstrating their harsh size differences. “And of the 4, one is unique.”

“Take a wild guess who they think that is.” 

“Hey, they can’t help it if it’s true!” Earth replied smugly, seemingly having forgiven the Earthling for the earlier dismissal. From Mars’ unimpressed look, Venus sensed they were of a similar mind, this is going to be a long documentary.

The screen switches to Earth’s surface again, a forest this time, while the Earthling exclaims his awe at the sights and sounds of Earth’s life and evolution. He expresses fascination with the idea that only one planet with the same stuff in it as all the rest, was able to harbour life. “...a lone living planet, in an otherwise desolate solar system.”

“This Earthling is going to give you an even bigger head than you already have.” Venus grumbled, not sure what to make of this documentary already being so focused on life and the habitability of planets. I certainly don’t want to dwell on that right now.

“I think it’s sweet. Your life clearly thinks you’re very special.” Saturn ventured with a kind, hesitant smile. 

“Not all the earthlings feel that way, I can assure you.” Earth mumbled quietly, seemingly only for Luna’s ears, then smiled back at Saturn. “Thanks though.”

“...the thing that brings meaning to the Universe, Life.”

“I can’t tell if you got your ego from the humans, or if they got it from you.” Luna muttered. Venus found himself agreeing, this Earthling clearly thought very highly of Life to proclaim it the meaning of the Universe. Even stars and black holes didn’t know the meaning of the Universe. But, maybe, that’s why Life might be the answer, it’s the only thing mad enough to claim it.

‘A moment in the Sun, The terrestrial Planets’ appeared on the screen as they finally left the Earthling. 

“Has the title screen really only just arrived?” Uranus asked incredulously, already looking bored and ready to leave.

“Earth is a special planet in our solar system, and perhaps even for light-years beyond…” Venus sighed as the voice-ever began listing the conditions for life with awe in his voice. “...but as we’ve left the blue planet and explored our sister worlds, we’ve discovered that each appears to have had a moment when it enjoyed almost Earth-like conditions. Every one of our rocky neighbors has a story of what might have been.”

Venus suddenly felt tense. Was this silly documentary really going to remind him of everything he lost. The conditions he couldn’t contain long enough to have what Earth has. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had Earth-like conditions. I’ve never even had water on my surface,” Mercury exclaimed in confusion. “Maybe the Earthlings really don’t know what they're talking about.”

“They may have just misspoken, or meant it in another way. We should wait and see.” Jupiter spoke up from his seat between Saturn and the Sun.

‘Mercury, 58 Million km from the Sun’ faded into view as the screen showed Mercury, zooming down to the surface. “Mercury is a small, tortured world…”

“Already off to a great start,” Mercury whined, picking at the bean bag beneath him irritably. “This is making me feel great about myself.” 

As the Earthling began explaining facts of Mercury, such as his proximity to the sun and odd orbit, he walked around a dry desert of Earth. The Earthling at least seemed enthusiastic about his words, moving his arms as he explained what it might be like to walk his surface.

“That’s a cool fact about your orbit speed though!” Earth piped up, grinning at Mercury.

“Thanks, Earth.” Mercury gave a small smile back, but didn’t seem terribly cheered by the living planet’s words. Not sure why Earth bothered, Pipsqueak is never happy.

While Venus didn’t mind this analysis of his neighbour, he was painfully aware that the Earthling would likely be doing the same to him soon.

“Mercury is the least explored of the inner rocky worlds…” Brian’s voice explained the difficulties of sending human tech to Mercury. “...is a tremendous challenge.”

“Why are these Earthlings always so determined to go to places they definitely don’t need to go?” Mars asked, likely rhetorically. No one had an answer for him.

The footage cut to an Earthling rocket being launched, named Messenger. 

“It’s cute that they gave it a name,” Luna said, watching the launch cautiously. 

“A direct route to Mercury is impractical…” The Earthling revealed that Messenger was forced to perform flybys of both Earth and Venus to reach Mercury, and even still had to flyby Mercury twice to slow down enough for orbit. “...After 7 years of navigation, it arrived safely in orbit.”

“That is some impressive maths from the Earthlings,” Jupiter admitted, “to calculate all those flybys in sequence and get into orbit that close to the Sun.”

“They certainly are determined little things.” The Sun muttered, watching the screen with interest.

“...and began revealing the secrets of the most cratered planet in the solar system, in exquisite new detail.” Brian mentioned Messenger’s mission to map Mercury's surface. The camera panned over various craters and other features of Mercury’s surface, that apparently the humans had named. 

“How do they know the names of stuff on my own surface that I didn’t even know about?” Mercury exclaimed, looking incredulous at the idea. 

“I think they just make up the names themselves, Mercury,” Luna signed, “they named a whole section of my surface the ‘Lake of Tranquillity’.”

The Earthling was shown walking around a large crater on Earth as he explained what Messenger was doing while orbiting Mercury. The maths of it all went a bit over their heads, but the idea that Earthlings could peer into the core of a planet without even landing on it was both disturbing and fascinating. 

“I can’t tell if I find that creepy or impressive.” Mars said.

“Definitely creepy. 100%,” Uranus added, shivering at the thought of horrible human probes testing his surface. 

Venus already knew the Earthlings had investigated and landed stuff on his surface before, but the idea of it still freaked him out. He didn’t know how Mars tolerated the amount of stuff he’d had dumped on him, let alone Luna.

“...when we do that we find something very strange. Mercury’s core extends out about 85% from the centre of the planet to the surface.” Brian was explaining with his hands again, clearly excited. “It’s almost entirely an exposed planetary core, as if the rocks of the surface were smashed away and removed at some point in its past.”

Mercury’s look of confused horror caught Venus’ eye. The smallest planet was still picking at the bean bag, more frantically now, and seemed very focused on the screen. 

“...I guess that could explain why you’re so small?” Uranus ventured hesitantly, discontent with the silence that had stiffened over the group.  

“Maybe…but how would that even happen?” Mars asked, looking worriedly at Mercury, who was still focused on the screen. 

“...the tiny probe began detecting chemical elements in concentrations that no one had thought possible this close to the Sun.” The screen began displaying various percentages of sulfur, potassium, and other chemicals. 

“I wonder what elements they’d find if they scanned me!” Neptune said, seemingly to himself. Uranus rolled his eyes, a bit of an overreaction in Venus’ opinion, and snapped.

“They probably already have, and it’ll be the same as me, methane and ice.”

Brian began explaining that such elements would not have been able to make up a planet that formed so close to the Sun due to the intense heat. He proclaims that this discovery forced humans to rethink theories of how the planet formed.

“It’s impressive how much they can deduce from just a knowledge of chemicals and physics,” Jupiter said with an air of cautious fascination, “It would be amazing to see what they find in planets outside this solar system, one day.”

“If they get that far. They can’t seem to stop fighting each other long enough to focus on it.” Earth complained, throwing his arms up in frustration.

“Just a few million years after its formation, Mercury was still seething with the heat of its violent birth…” He explained how the volatile chemicals form with the cooling crust of the planet. “But this could only happen if Mercury started out not in the position we see it today, but much further out.”

“Are they trying to say I formed in a different orbit?” Mercury exclaimed in an incredulous tone. “Why wouldn’t I know about this?”

“Planetary embryos don’t tend to remember much of the first few thousand years,” Sun jumped in, forcing a certainty into his voice, “Maybe you just forgot?”

“That doesn't explain how I ended up so close to you, though.” Mercury countered, but received no response from the nervous-looking star. 

Venus didn’t really know what to make of this. Depending on how far out he was, Pipsqueak might have been able to hold Life, if his orbit hadn’t changed. 

“We now think Mercury was born perhaps 117 million km further away, close to the orbit of Mars,” The scene showed a far different Mercury, one with green mixed into his surface. The camera showed waves breaking on the shore of a large ocean. “a place where, if it had stayed, its destiny could have been very different.”

“Hey, we could’ve been neighbours!” Mars said cheerfully, trying to break the staring contest Mercury was now having with the screen. It did seem cruel for the Earthlings to show a rendering of Life on a planet that seemingly never had a chance.

The rest of the room seemed uncomfortable with this revelation. Earth was tense, looking between the screen, Mercury, and the other planets, seemingly trying to find something to say. I hope he wises up and keeps his mouth shut, Venus seethed, no one wants to hear from the only planet with Life when you’ve just been told you missed out on it.

Venus caught himself, why am I so angry for the Pipsqueak, it’s not my problem if he missed out on Life, every one else did too! But he still couldn’t release the knot of anger curled into his core.

“But it wasn’t to be. The young planetary embryo was ripped from its promising position long before it could mature.”

“But how?” Uranus, master of insensitive questions, blurted out into the silence. Next to him, Neptune reached out a hand to mock-cover his mouth, cheered on by his gaggle of moons.

The screen showed Brian walking towards them across a desolate desert of dust, explaining how difficult and tumultuous a solar system with multiple planets can be. How impossible it is to predict the movements of even 3 bodies in a system, let alone nine. “...the system itself, the orbits of the planets, are not stable over very long time scales, so planets don’t necessarily remain in the same orbits forever.”

“Well, your orbits are all stable now, and that’s why you have to STAY IN YOUR ORBITS!” The Sun shouted, startling the room out of their focus on the screen.

“And the evidence we’ve gathered, from the volatiles on Mercury’s surface, and the unusual size of its core, suggests this may have been what happened.”

“So they think your orbit moved? But that wouldn’t explain…” Mars trailed off, seemingly realising he was starting to sound like Uranus.

“My size, I know, you can say it. I’m not unaware of it,” Mercury finished the sentence tiredly, glancing down at the hole he’d managed to pick in the side of his bean bag. Small white balls were now dripping slowly from it.

“I guess that’s the ‘bean’ in ‘bean bag’.” Venus muttered, turning once more to the screen.

“If Mercury began…” The Earthling began to explain that Mercury would have been forming near a young Mars and surrounded by other planetary embryos. “...amongst the chaos, something large kicked Mercury inwards, towards the Sun.”

“Wait, are they trying to blame me? I don’t remember even meeting any other planets, let alone kicking a baby one.” Mars exclaimed, distressed by the idea.

“I don’t think so. There were a lot of rocky planets forming at that time, it could have been any of them.” Jupiter assured him with a shaky smile, glancing nervously back at Saturn. Venus watched this interaction with confusion. I wonder what that’s about.

The screen displayed a glancing collision between two young planets, shredding the surface and mantle of the smaller. “Mercury collided with another embryo. A glancing blow, so much of its crust and mantle lost to space.”

The images of a collision stirred unwelcome memories in Venus’ core. He hadn’t thought of her in millenia, but it still hurt.

No one else seemed to be enjoying the violent display on the screen. Neptune had somehow covered the eyes of all his small moons, with the help of Triton. 

“Much of this material remained behind, perhaps helping to form the early Venus.” 

At the Earthling’s suggestion, Venus balked. The idea that this unfortunate fate of the Pipsqueak could have led to his own formation was hard to swallow. 

Brian continued, “If this theory is correct, then Mercury, now little more than a planetary core, continued towards the sun, and ended up in the peculiar, elliptical orbit we see today.”

“Do you remember anything like that happening, Sun?” Mercury asked quietly, staring at the star who shuffled uncomfortably.

“I…I’m not sure. A lot of the embryos crashed… it was a very unstable time,” The Sun stuttered, “I just remember noticing how close your orbit was, the first time. I didn’t see what happened.”

Mercury looked unhappy with that answer, but dropped the subject with a nod.

“The idea that Mercury’s outer layers were stripped away in some violent collision many billions of years ago is a superficially attractive one,” 

Pipsqueak glanced up at this in offense. 

“But the theory does have problems.” 

“So they don’t even know if this happened? Why bring it up then?” Uranus snarked, clearly bored of this. 

“ It’s their current best theory, but they can’t rule out other ideas,” Earth explained, “That’s how their science works. Nothing is certain, so they’re always open to new theories!”

“I really don’t care, mate.”

“Any collision violent enough…” The Earthling began to explain, with far too happy a tone, that such a large collision would likely have also boiled away the volatile chemicals, and that instead many smaller collisions may have done it or a very lucky large collision. “...the precise nature of Mercury’s formation is still one of the great unsolved mysteries in planetary science.”

“Well, I’m happy to be an unsolved mystery to the Earthlings, if it’ll stop them sending probes!” Mercury complained as the documentary seemed to be coming to an end. 

“It will probably do the opposite, actually,” Luna piped up to add, “they only stopped landing on me after they realised I was just a boring rock. Mysteries make them curious.”

“You’re not a boring rock. You’re their moon, they wouldn't have tides, or seasons, or anything without you!” Earth nudged his moon’s shoulder affectionately. Venus couldn’t remember the last time Earth had been this ready with complements. That moon revolution stuff must have done something extreme.

The Earthling explained that after 4 years of orbits, Messenger ran out of fuel and crash landed on Mercury’s surface. “...and added yet another crater to this tiny world that, just perhaps, could have had a different story to tell.”  

“Kind of sad to see it go, it was cute.” Saturn commented softly.

“Not so cute when it dents your surface.” Venus remarked as they watched the probe’s explosive end onto the surface of Mercury.

Mercury himself seemed a little lost, now that the documentary was finished with him. Those final words clearly running through his core.

The camera panned to a larger, yellower planet, and the words ‘Venus, 108 Million km from the Sun’ appeared on the screen.

Chapter Text

What am I supposed to think about that! Mercury’s mind was still clouded from the overload of new information the Earthling documentary had offered. Even though they had concluded that their theories might be flawed, the evidence of something odd happening at his formation was plain to see. And I might never know, since the Sun doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.

The rest of the planets were focused on the screen again, waiting for the next part on Venus. Mercury could admit he held a bit of curiosity about what the Earthlings would say about his neighbours. Now that his section was done and out of the way, he could relax a bit and focus on the rest. 

Venus looked tense before the talking had even begun, his signature scowl fused onto his face while his red-hot hair smoked, giving away his true anxiety. Earth and Luna were talking quietly with each other, while Mars glanced at them with a conflicted expression. Mercury was proud of the progress his fellow rocky planets had made since the end of the Moon revolution mess, but things could still be a bit tense from time-to-time, especially in odd situations like this. At least there hasn’t been any arguments yet.

‘Venus, 108 million km from the Sun’ faded into view as the screen panned from the Sun to a yellow, cloudy planet.

“50 million km beyond Mercury, shrouded by an unbroken blanket of cloud, lies a world which at first sight has the potential to be far more Earth-like” Brian’s voice explained.

Venus’ expression of tense resignation caught Mercury’s eye. He knew this would likely be a difficult watch for his neighbour, given how close he’d gotten to having habitable conditions. And he clearly still craves that dream, Mercury thought, given that whole mess with the orbit changes.

The screen showed the Earthling walking around in the dark, waving a strange light around. He pointed to the night sky. “See that light out there in the evening sky. That’s Venus. It’s so bright because it’s quite a large planet, about the same size as the Earth, it’s not too far away, and in particular because it’s shrouded in highly reflective clouds.”

“It’s fascinating that they can see us from so far away.” Saturn noted with a smile, “and despite them being so small.”

“They’ve been seeing you guys for ages, that’s why they named like half their gods after you.” Earth added proudly.

“That’s the frustrating, but also tantalizing thing…” The Earthling explained that they could not see Venus’ surface for a very long time and even came to believe it may be a living world. “...so much so in fact, that when we first sent a spacecraft to land on the surface of Venus, we prepared for a splash landing.”

“Must have been a nasty surprise then.” Venus snarked, glaring at the screen.

Images of a rocket being deployed and voices of a different Earthling language filled the screen. The words ‘Venera’ appeared next to the launching rocket.

“What language are they speaking? I don’t understand it.” Ganymede, one of Jupiter’s moons, spoke up. Mercury was surprised by the question; he hadn’t thought the moons of the gassy planets were even paying attention.

“I believe it’s Russian.” Jupiter answered when it was clear Earth and Luna weren't going to. I guess Ganymede must have had something to do with the Moon revolution mess if even Luna is ignoring him, Mercury considered.

“Throughout the 1960s and 70s…” Brian spoke about the Venera program, and how it sent multiple missions to Venus, many failing. “...but with each attempt, we learnt a little more of the extreme conditions on the planet.”

“Might have been a sign to stop trying.” Uranus muttered vaguely from his spot next to Neptune, fiddling with a sketchbook he’d acquired from somewhere.

‘Venera 13, 1 March 1982’ appeared over an image of Venus’ clouds, a small probe heading towards it.

“I knew they sent a lot of probes, but 13 tries seems excessive.” Earth spoke, watching the screen. 

“They really wanted to investigate Venus, it seems,” Mars pondered, “that tracks, with the way they spent so much effort to get to Mercury as well.”

“After 20 years of trying…” The Venera probe fell through the clouds, deploying a parachute. “...the craft was prepared to withstand pressures that could crush a car in seconds, and temperatures that would melt lead.”

“T...that’s pretty extreme conditions.” Luna observed hesitantly, as the probe landed on the scarred surface of the planet. Mercury had to agree, however many tries it took them, no one could argue that probe wasn’t tough.

“...the Soviets took the first full colour picture of the Venusian surface.” The stark images of cracked, baked ground flashed onto the screen. 

Mercury gulped at the sight of the wrecked, broken surface. The grainy quality of the pictures and eerie music gave the images a creepy, almost scary vibe. Of course he already knew what Venus’ surface looked like, the planet made no attempts to hide it, often forgoing his atmosphere entirely to leave only his red surface visible. But, through the eyes of the delicate Earthlings looking for world’s like their own, the harsh reality seemed starker.

Venus himself turned away from the sight, tense and upset. Mercury still remembered the hottest planet’s words during the rocky planet introduction 2.0, about how he struggled to like himself and his lack of habitability. Struck by the desire to offer some comfort, even if it was to his longest tormentor, Mercury hesitantly placed a hand on Venus’ shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. The cloudy planet didn’t shrug him off for a whole minute, which Mercury decided to take as progress.

“Even under the most extreme of conditions, the probe sent its precious data home, to Earth.” Brian said, while statistics of Venus’ surface appeared on screen. ‘Temperature: 457 Degree Celsius, Atmosphere: 96.5% Carbon Dioxide, Pressure: 89 Earth Atmospheres.’ 

The images of the storms crowding around the tiny probe as it sat on the barren surface illuminated the dark room in a dull orange light. 

“Until, 127 minutes after touch down, it finally succumbed.”

“Wow, even all that preparation couldn’t keep it active for very long, that's a shame,” Neptune inexplicably piped up, looking oddly thoughtful for the usually vacant planet. “Wonder if they could make something that lasts longer in the future?”

“Far from a benign ocean-world, Venus is a vision of Hell, where no life can survive.” The screen displayed violent storms of lightning and clouds.

“But how?”

“Yeah, how did it happen, Mars?” Phobos and Daimos asked, looking towards the planet they were currently sitting on.

“If you’re quiet, I’m sure the Earthling will explain.” The red planet chided carefully, nudging them back into their seats. 

“So where did it all go wrong for Venus?” Brian was explaining animatedly again, walking along a barren area of Earth. “That is a good question, and it’s an important one.” 

“Is it? Some planets just aren't habitable, most aren't.” Uranus spoke up. 

“It’s probably important to them, since they seem so focused on habitability and all.” Jupiter put in carefully, watching the Earthling walk across the screen.

“It's been said that we won’t fully understand the Earth, till we understand Venus.” The Earthling explained, “And that’s because the planets are so similar.”

“We’re not that similar!” Earth sounded vaguely offended.

“You are actually.” Jupiter corrected, “I think the Earthlings even call you twins in some literature I’ve read.”

Venus and Earth glared at each other, seemingly coming to the conclusion that they were both offended by this comparison.

“Venus is the same size as the Earth, it's the same composition, as far as we know.” The Earthling said, “And although it’s closer to the Sun, it’s not as close as Mercury.”

“So why is it that one world remained Heaven, while the other became Hell.”

“I imagine it’s to do with the one glaring difference between the two, proximity to the Sun.” Mercury speculated only to receive a short glare from Venus. Shrugging apologetically, he focused back on the screen. It does seem cruel that the only other rocky planet that wants Life seems to be the one that terrifies Earthlings the most.

“Counter intuitively, the surface temperatures today on Venus are hotter than those on Mercury.” The screen showed images of Venus’ clouds, and the Sun rising above Earth. “And the story of Venus’ climate is further complicated by the fact that, over the life-time of the planet, the Sun itself has been evolving. 

The Sun stiffen at this proclamation by the Earthling, shuffling uncomfortably in his bean bag.

“As the Sun gets older…” Brian began explaining how the aging of the Sun from a faint, young star to a middle sequence star meant that Venus was much cooler in the past. “...In fact, temperatures on Venus would have been like a pleasant spring day on Earth.”

“But how does a few extra degrees of heat from the Sun translate to ‘hottest surface temperature’ in the Solar System?” 

At Deimos’ question, Mercury glanced at the Earth. If any of us is going to start ranting about the Green-house effect, it’ll be him.

‘4.4 billion years ago’ appeared next to an image of Venus, sans cloud cover, and with tantalizing spots of green-brown. 

Okay, that’s cruel, Mercury thought, recalling a similar image in his section. These Earthlings loved superimposing their idea of what a planet should be into this documentary.

“Eww, they spread mould all over me!” Venus complained, clearly trying to sound horrified, but it didn’t really work when all the rocky planets were well aware of his desire for life.

“Within a few million years of its formation…” The Earthling explained that Venus had been just close enough to the young Sun. “...to experience a sight familiar to us, here on Earth. The heavens opened, great torrents flooded the surface, rivers of water flowed.”

The images of water rushing and pooling over a young Venus, turning it into an ocean-world, were mesmerizing. Mercury had never really considered what it would be like to have liquid water, being so close to the Sun, but this documentary almost made it seem appealing. I’m falling for the Earthling propaganda.  

“Venus became an Ocean world”

“The planet’s atmosphere…” They explained how the blanket of clouds kept the water from escaping into space, and kept the surface warm. “...thanks to the Green-house effect.”

“Don’t get me started!” Earth growled, accidentally bumping Luna as he threw his arms up in exasperation, “My Earthling can barely agree how it works, let alone actually do something to stop their impact on it.”

“I think the scientists all agree, it's just the rest of them.” Luna offered calmly, not wanting to hear the Earth’s 100th rant about the subject. “Anyway, this isn’t about your climate issues.”

“Fine. But if they start going on about mine later, I’m allowed to talk about it!”

“The Green-house effect is pretty simple physics…” Mercury listened to the Earthling explain how gases such as carbon dioxide and water vapour trap radiated heat from the surface, allowing for warm surface temperatures. “...now, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The Earth would be at a surface temperature of around -18 degrees celsius without the Green-house effect, but there is a thin line between heating a planet up, and frying it.” 

“Damn right there is-” Earth’s incoming spew of words was cut short by Luna aggressively clamping their hands over the living planet’s mouth. 

Ignoring the squabbling, Mercury pondered the words of the Earthling, intrigued by the concept. He himself had an atmosphere (a weak one), but never had anything like the Green-house effect cause him any issues, likely due to the lack of carbon dioxide and his small size. I wonder what it feels like, to be boiled by your own blanket of air. 

It wasn’t a pleasant thought, so Mercury shook it off and refocused on the screen.

“Gradually, over 2 billion years, the young Sun grew brighter…” Intense music was heard in the background as Brian explained how the increased heat boiled the water into vapour that filled the atmosphere of the young Venus.  “...rain evaporated long before reaching the ground.”

“I’m sorry that happened, Venus. It sounds horrible.” Saturn’s kind voice broke the tense air, offering Venus an empathetic look. Venus didn’t seem to hear him, glaring at the ground with smoke rising from his hair and neck. 

“I’m sorry too. I…I didn’t realise how much my heat affected you in your orbit…maybe if you’d been a bit further out..?” The Sun sounded unsure, unused to apologizing and wary of further angering the cloudy planet.

“It’s fine, Sun, I’m over it!” Venus snapped shortly, before glaring back up at the screen, clearly done talking about it.

“Venus had reached a tipping point. A runaway Green-house effect had taken hold.”

Watching the images of Venus’ water disappearing made Mercury feel odd. He himself had never felt liquid water on his surface, but from what the Earth described, it was supposed to be pleasant. Until it boiled away at least. The small planet couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose all that water so suddenly after only just gaining it.

“Venus’ moment in the sun was over.”

“Are they using ‘Moment in the Sun’ as a euphemism for habitability? Cause otherwise, it doesn’t make sense, Venus is definitely still feeling the Sun.” Uranus asked, sounding lost. 

“Have you only just figured that out?” A moon, one of the Galilean moons, replied sarcastically. 

“Its cracked surface today is even hotter than Mercury’s, making Venus the hottest of all the planets.”

“Is that probe still on your surface?” Earth asked Venus, as they gazed at the wrecked form of the Venera probe.

“I guess it must be, unless the winds have shredded it to bits.” Venus answered dismissively. Mercury was no huge fan of Venus, but it was still uncomfortable to see a fellow planet look so down. I hope the documentary moves on soon.

“As the young Sun’s brightness continued to increase, the effects were felt across all the terrestrial planets.” The camera panned away from Venus and hovered over a smaller, redder world, filled with water. “Mars, much further out than Venus, enjoyed its moment in the sun too.”

“Hey, it’s Uranus’ euphemism again!” Neptune cried, smiling at the screen. Beside him, Uranus looked like he’d rather be tossed into a Black hole than be sat in this room. 

“Mate, just… Shut up, please.”

‘3.5 billion years ago’ appeared over an image of the Sun rising above an ocean. 

“Why have they jumped right over you, Earth?” Mars asked in confusion. Mercury agreed, it did seem like the documentary was jumping around a bit.

“Well, this is just the first episode, isn’t it. So maybe they're trying to wrap up this ‘moment in the sun’ theme and will focus on something else next?” Earth speculated.

“With an atmosphere rich in green-house gases, rivers flowed…” The screen showed water flooding the surface of Mars, creating great lakes and rivers. The Earthling explained that Mars, being smaller,  “...couldn’t hold on to its atmosphere.” 

“You know, if you and Venus had been in opposite orbits…” Earth trailed off, seeming to realise that bringing such a thought to its conclusion might not be good for his continued well-being. Going by the increase in smoke from Venus, he was likely correct.

Mars didn’t dignify Earth’s comment with an answer, just shrugged dismissively.

“Much of its water evaporated, and escaped into space.” The screen rendered footage of Mars’ surface being drained of all water, turning red and barren. “Leaving only small traces behind, frozen in patches across the planet. Where missions continue to search for the first signs of extra-terrestrial life.”

“I don’t know why the Earthlings are trying so damn hard. I don’t even think I have Life, yet they’re so sure they might find signs of it.” Mars muttered disbelievingly.

“It gives them hope to think they might not be alone in the Solar System,” Luna piped up quietly, “Wouldn’t you want to know for sure, if you were them?” 

“There’s a crater on Mars called the Hellas Basin…” Brian was sat beside the crater on Earth’s surface again, speculating about the possibilities of microorganisms still living in patches of Mars where pressures allowed liquid water. “...but if Life does exist out there, it will certainly only be simple life, there will be nothing nearly as complex as you, or me, or even this plant.”

“I don’t want to think about a bunch of bacteria crawling out of my surface, thanks.” Mars commented.

“The Earthlings really love bringing up how complex they are.” Venus snarked, looking more himself now that the focus was off of him.

“You would too if you spent 4 billion years evolving!” Earth added in defence of his Earthlings. 

‘Earth, 150 million km from the Sun’ appeared on the screen.

“Ooh, bit of a weird order to put us in, Mars then Earth.” Mercury spoke up, wondering if Earth’s previous theory about there being multiple episodes was correct.

“The story of the Solar System is, in a sense, a story of instability and constant change, at least for the inner rocky worlds” The human walked along a dark-sand beach, moving towards the camera. “Mercury has changed its position radically, its orbit now takes it close to the searing heat of the Sun.”

“It’s not a lot more stable outside the asteroid belt, at least not for moons.” Callisto commented.

“True, so many of us are constantly being discovered or changing our orbits.” Another moon, Titania Mercury thought, added.

“Venus, probably, had water on its surface for around 2 billion years, before it became hotter than Mercury.” Brian walked along, emoting with his hands, “And Mars lost its ocean and rivers perhaps 3.5 billion years ago.”

“Nothing stays stable for very long, no matter how hard you try.” Jupiter said quietly to Saturn, just within Mercury’s hearing range. Luckily, the Sun wasn’t paying enough attention to anything but the screen, to hear this remark. 

Mercury had a vague understanding of the Sun’s paranoid fears around change in the Solar System, and honestly he had his reasons to feel that way, but the endless shouting did get a bit tiring.

“But, unique amongst those worlds, is Earth…” The Earthling began explaining that Earth’s surface had kept its liquid water long enough for complex life to develop. 

“Wow! What are those Earthlings?” Phobos gasped as the screen displayed some earth creature swimming in the water.

“Dolphins! Aren’t they amazing? Their brains are very similar to humans and they can form names and…” Mercury tuned out the Earth, not nearly as fascinated as the moons of Mars appeared to be. 

“Today, our planet is dominated by Life, it's in every nook and cranny…” The Earthling displayed a volcano in the middle of an ocean, teeming with life. “...think of all the chance events that had to happen over 4 billion years just to produce the little creatures in this rockpool.”

“A whole lot of staying still, from the sounds of it.” Uranus commented dismissively.

“Hey! I-” Whatever Earth was going to say was drowned out by the Sun.

“IF YOU ALL STAYED STILL LIKE THE EARTH, MAYBE YOU’D ALL HAVE LIFE!”

No one had the guts to correct the Sun, though Jupiter looked fit to burst with the need to.

“Life has woven itself into the fabric of the planet.” The screen displayed an amazing series of animals, from fish to birds, all hunting, flying, living. “It’s an integral part of every continent and every ocean. It plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of our atmosphere that keeps our planet temperate.” 

“Your Earthlings are beautiful, Terra.” Neptune spoke with a smile, and despite his confusion at the name, Earth smiled back. 

“Can you feel much of the Earthlings on your surface?” Jupiter asked the living planet, “That Earthling makes it sound like they’ve melded with you?”

“In a sense, I guess? I can’t maintain my current atmosphere without the food web, and most of my outer layers are full of fossils of old earthlings.” Earth explained to the gas giant. “And I can feel when the humans do anything big to my crust, like mining or explosives.”

Mercury recalled the Earth’s words during the incident he tried not to think about too much. ‘ I’m in pain, all the time.’ He hadn’t known what to make of it at the time, but clearly the humans were playing a large part in it.

“Of all our terrestrial planets, Earth has enjoyed the longest moment in the Sun.”

“But it can’t last.” Brian atoned quietly. “Earth will, ultimately, follow the fate of the other rocky planets, because even though we don’t feel it day to day, the Sun’s aging process is relentless.”

Mercury glanced at the Sun, who seemed to shrink into the bean bag as much as the golden celestial could. 

“We can say with confidence…” The Earthling continued to explain with awe, that they know the Sun will turn into a red giant at the end of its life. He points to Arcturus as an example of a similar star that has expanded. “...and that’s what we think will happen to the Sun, in about 5 billion years time.”

“...at least that’s not for a while, right guys?” Mercury asked nervously. All the planets shuffled awkwardly, not meeting each other gazes or the Sun. 

It wasn’t exactly a secret that the Sun would become a Red Giant one day, just an unspoken weight hanging over them. It was uncomfortable to think about how much their very existence depended on the finite lifespan of the star. The planets faced a fate of either burning up with the Sun or beginning to be slowly pushed out into space by an ever-weakening star. And I know exactly what’ll happen to me, Mercury thought miserably.

“As the Sun exhausts its hydrogen fuel…” The screen displayed an eerie sight of the Sun, huge and red, looming over an arid planet. “...expanding millions of km out into space.” 

“Well, that’s creepy…” Earth muttered, but the arm he had wrapped around his moon gave away his anxiety at the sight. 

“Mercury will be the first to be engulfed.”

As the screen displayed a huge red wall of fire engulfing the small planet, Mercury felt strangely calm. He’d known it would happen, and now he’s even seen it. And, while it didn’t look pleasant, at least he would be the first to go and wouldn’t have to see his fellow planets suffer.

“Then, Venus’ fate will be sealed.” Siren sounds played faintly as the images of Mercury and Venus being swallowed and torn apart by the expanding red giant played on the screen. 

Venus shivered next to Mercury, looking disturbed by the images. The gassy planets watched with a sorrowful horror, holding onto whichever moons would let them. Worst of all was the Sun, who seemed to dim and shrink before the projection of his future. 

“Earth may just escape the fiery fate of its neighbours, hanging on with Mars beyond the edge of the dying star.” A burnt, molten Earth was shown almost touching the edge of the red giant.

“At least we won’t be alone?” Mars tried hesitantly, looking towards the Earth, who was hugging his moon tightly.

“I…I guess that’s something.” He replied quietly.

“The era of the 4 terrestrial planets will be over.” The eerie red star glowed against the small dots of Earth and Mars. “The lives lived on the surface of one of them, nothing more than a distant memory.” 

“I kind of hope my Earthlings would've found their way into space by then…” Earth pondered quietly, “I don’t want them all going extinct like that.”

“But that’s not quite the end of the story.”

Mercury looked up curiously. He’d never thought much about what would happen after the Sun’s red giant expansion. Obviously not, I’ll be disintegrated by then.

“Right at the end of the Sun’s life, something wonderful will happen…” Brian began to explain that previously icy worlds would finally feel the heat of the Sun.“...these are the worlds that orbit the outer planets, the moons of Jupiter and Saturn.”

At the mention of them, the moons of the gas giants sat up, looking far more interested than before.

“Look, Callisto, it’s me!” The yellow, volcanic Galilean moon exclaimed excitedly as an image of the moon hanging before Jupiter was shown.

“These distant worlds…” The screen showed images of Jupiter and Saturn, explaining how their moons will begin to warm up and melt their icy surfaces.  “...like Saturn’s moon, Enceladus, or Jupiter’s moon, Europa.”

“They got my name right!” One of Saturn’s moons, presumably Enceladus, crowed in disbelief, turning to glare at his planet, “If even the Earthlings can do it, why can’t you!”

Whatever Saturn replied was too quiet for Mercury to hear; instead, he heard the Galilean moons.

“Don’t I look great in that photo, babe?” Europa, Mercury assumed, asked of Ganymede beside her. 

“Of course!” He replied, then added, “I don’t know why they didn’t mention my underground frozen oceans as well.”

“Probably because it’s not your only unique feature. You are still the biggest moon.” Callisto snarked, earning a glare from Europa.

“Amongst all these moons, there is one above all others that we think, perhaps, has the best chance at becoming a place that we’d recognise…” The screen showed a probe passing by Jupiter and Saturn, while Brian explained where this moon was located. “...orbits a gem. Titan.”

“Titan! I always knew you were special! Even the Earthlings can see it!” Saturn smiled excitedly at his largest moon. Mercury was pretty sure that was the moon Earth insulted, setting off the whole Moon Revolution mess. And that was linked to his insecurity at not being the only habitable planet, Mercury thought, this is not going to help those feelings.

Titan himself seemed highly uncomfortable with the sudden attention, from both his planet and the rest of the room. Now that Mercury was looking more closely at him, he could see the moon’s thick, swirling atmosphere. 

“I didn’t know the Earthlings had already sent a probe to him.” Muttered the Earth, seemingly to himself.

“A planet-size moon, bigger than Mercury.” The footage showed the Cassini space probe deploying a device towards Titan as it orbited Saturn. “Surrounded by a thick atmosphere of nitrogen and methane, with a surface that has long remained a mystery.”

That jab at my size was highly unnecessary, the smallest planet thought.

‘Huygens, 14 January 2005’, appeared on the screen as a probe fell towards Titan.

“What did it feel like when they landed that thing on you?” Phoebe, one of Saturn’s moons, asked Titan with curiosity in her pale eyes.

“I…I don’t remember. I don’t even think I noticed it.” Titan answered hesitantly, looking more and more like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“The Huygens probe was our first chance…” The Earthling explained that they sent the probe to look at Titan’s surface. It made a soft landing, and was able to beam back images of the alien world. Brian excitedly explained that the image shown was an amazing feat of space engineering, to land a probe and have it successfully take a picture so far from Earth.

“The Earthlings seem so excited to find anything even slightly resembling their home.” Jupiter pondered, “I wonder if they will ever send such probes to other star systems?”

Earth seemed at once happy and sad about such a future. It was hard to imagine the Earthlings finding a better planet than Earth to live on, but clearly they would need to, to avoid the Sun’s red giant phase. Even if it hurts their planet’s feelings.

He continued to explain that the picture clearly showed a floodplain, with rocks eroded by liquid of some kind. The rocks were super-frozen ice, due to the extreme cold of Titan. “...that raises an interesting question, if it’s so cold, what was the flowing liquid?”

“So it’s not liquid water you have, but something else?” Uranus asked, “Why does that make you more likely for Life than all the other moons with ice?”

“It’s probably a mix of the amount of ice, his atmosphere, and complex carbon chemistry he might have.” Neptune inexplicably answered, before staring vaguely off to the side again. Uranus looked stunned into silence.  

“Huygens detected significant amounts of methane…” Brian stated that while methane is a gas on Earth, the temperature of Titan means it, “...exists as a liquid.” 

“Titan could be wet. Not with water, but with liquid methane, driving rock-like chunks of ice down mountain channels out into open floodplains.” The screen showed a rendering of this liquid methane flowing like water.

“That’s so cool!” Deimos exclaimed.

“Yeah, Titan’s the coolest!” Phobos concurred with his brother.

“Thanks, guys.”

“Huygens survived for just a few hours, but didn’t detect any traces of liquid methane at its landing sight.” The screen showed Cassini, the probe's mothership, passing Saturn. “...a year after Huygens’ landed, Cassini again flew high above Titan’s north pole, and discovered something seen nowhere else in the Solar System beyond Earth.”

“I almost miss that Cassini probe, it hung around for quite a while.” Saturn mused. 

“I’m surprised you noticed it at all!” Enceladus snapped, only to be ignored in favour of the screen by his planet. Clearly things haven’t improved for the moons of Saturn since the revolution, Mercury thought bitterly, the gas planets really need to fix this issue, or we’ll have to deal with another revolution soon enough.

“Liquid, pooling into not one, but scores of great lakes.” The screen displayed a series of lakes and their names given by the Humans. “Cassini discovered lakes of liquid methane.”

“Hey, Earth, what do those names mean?” Titan, looking hesitant to address the living planet, asked.

Earth looked over at the moon in surprise, clearly not expecting the question. Mercury half expected an argument to break out somehow, but instead the Earth just replied.

“Oh, um. ‘Mare’ and ‘Lacus’ are just other words for seas or lakes. ‘Ontario’ just means great lake, so that’s a bit redundant.” Earth thought for a minute, “And ‘Ligeia’ was a mythical figure linked to the god they named you after. ‘Kraken’ just means crooked, but they probably meant it to be a reference to a famous sea monster.”

Seeing how enthusiastic Earth was to talk about this, even with Titan, made Mercury relax a bit more. It seems the Earth really does want to fix things with Titan.

“Earth has a strange, cold twin.”

“You two are very similar.” Luna mused, looking between his planet and the moon. Both celestials seemed taken-aback by the comparison, glancing at each other with wary looks, before Earth shrugged.

“Well, if Luna agrees with the humans, I guess I can’t argue with it.” He spoke, smiling at Titan. “They’ve already given Venus that title as well. I could have two twins!”

“Won’t that make you triplets, not twins?” Mars asked playfully. 

“In some ways you could just imagine…” Brian was sitting in a boat, explaining what it would be like on Titan. He then explained that Titan has the molecules and elements we think are needed for life to evolve. “...so all the ingredients for Life are present on Titan.”

“It would be amazing to have two celestials with Life in our Solar System, even if only at the end.” Jupiter commented, looking thoughtful.

Mercury, personally, thought it was a bit morbid that Titan would only have the potential for Life after the Earth had already been rendered lifeless. He might give the Earthlings somewhere to run to, I suppose.

“Very few scientists think there will be life on Titan today, it is, after all, 180 degrees celsius…” Brian speculated,  “...but, because of the presence of all those ingredients, it might be a very different story if you warm Titan up.”

“Didn’t Astrodude find life under your surface, Titan?” Callisto asked in confusion. 

“He did, but only a small microbe, and it was deep underwater.” Titan explained to the Galilean moon, “I don’t think anything can get more complex than that unless I warm up.”

“Wait, when did Astrodude go on your surface?” Earth asked, but received no answer as the documentary continued. 

‘5.5 billion years in the future’ appears on screen over an image of Titan basking in the red giant’s light. “In the light of the old expanding Sun, the far reaches of the Solar System will receive more solar energy.”

“Hey, that means we all might get liquid water!” A gaggle of moons cheered, excited at the prospect of their ice reservoirs melting. 

Seeing the uncomfortable looks the planets shared, no one had the heart to mention that, for some of the moons, melting their ice would likely shrink them significantly, possibly to death. It was an unfortunate fact that most of the moons of the outer giants were mostly made of 50/50 ice and rock. And their small size will make it almost impossible to hold onto the water, Mercury realised.

“Titan’s atmosphere will begin to warm…” Great torrents of water spilling from melting mountains and running into great seas of liquid water floods the screen.“...mountains will become oceans of water.”

Mercury, and the whole room, watched in awe at the vast amount of meltwater pouring along Titan’s surface. 

“In a strange twist of fate, at the end of the life of the Sun, the Solar System’s last ocean world will wake up to its own biological possibilities.” Titan, transformed into a great ocean, glistened under the red star’s light. “This distant moon will enjoy its brief moment in the sun.”

“Well, that’s at least one thing to look forward to, hey!” The Sun, who had been unusually quiet since the red giant phase was mentioned, seemed excited by the idea of more ocean worlds, and potentially living worlds, at the end of his life-span.

“It’s easy to think of habitability as a permanent feature…” Brian was wandering around a scrub moorland, explaining how quickly habitability can be lost or gained just by strokes of fate. “...so planets that were once Heaven, can become Hell.”

“At least they have some understanding of how lucky they are to have you, Earth.” Jupiter commented. 

“You’d think most of them would, but they don’t act like it.” Earth responded bitterly. Luna nudged his planet and offered him a smile, which the Earth returned despite his mood.

“We now understand that the Earth has been a fortunate world, an oasis of calm in an otherwise changing Solar System. That’s maintained a stable climate, perhaps against the odds, for the 4 billion years it took complex living things to evolve.”

“Damn right I have, and the humans still want to leave and terraform another planet!” Earth complained, scowling at the screen. “They can’t even terraform me properly, what do they think they can do to you, Mars?”

“I think they fired a big laser at me for a bit.” Mars added, sounding mildly inconvenienced by this. “It didn’t do anything though.”

“We don’t know how many planets like Earth there are…” Brian walked towards the camera, seemingly imploring his audience. “...we have to take the possibility very seriously that there might be few, and that would make Earth and us extremely rare and precious.”

“I hope some of the Earthlings listened to this ‘Brian’.” Luna commented to their planet. Earth just nodded firmly.

“I guess we'll wait for the next part to start…”

Chapter Text

Earth was glad that this Brian was at least trying to communicate how lucky the humans were to have such a habitable planet. The whole last episode felt like a tour of the rocky planets just to prove that none of them were terribly nice to live on, except Earth. And while it was sobering to hear that Titan would only have the possibility of complex life after his own life had already been fried, Earth found himself not totally hating the idea. It might mean his Earthlings have a place to flee to. They are in a bit of a rush though, it’s still at least 4 billion years till they actually have to leave me.

Luna, who was paying more attention to the screen than he was, nudged him. Earth glanced up at the lightning screen as the next episode began.

The next episode of the documentary opened to a shot of a probe leaving Earth, before cycling through a slideshow of each planet, names displayed on the screen, while music played (The Void- by Muse). After Neptune had faded from the screen, the music grew more intense as images of asteroid impacts, planet collisions, storms, and satellite destruction appeared on the screen. It ended with an edit of the planets and a screen titled ‘The Planets’.

“That intro was cool!” 

“Yeah! Did you see our planet? He looked so epic!” Proteus called across the room. All of Neptune’s small moons were excitedly recounting the intro. 

Earth had to admit it was a cool edit, but he was a bit annoyed that it hadn’t included him. Stop being so narcissistic, Earth scolded himself, you’re supposed to stop being like that.

The screen cut to Mars, hanging half lit in the void of space. ‘Mars, 230 million km from the Sun’ appeared next to it.

“Oh, I thought we’d be watching the gas giants next? Didn’t they already cover me?” Mars asked, looking annoyed at the idea of another episode about him.

“They said, like, 2 sentences about you, of course they’re not done.” Earth complained. “They’re obsessed with you! They’ve sent so many machines to you, I’m not surprised they have more to say.”

“Our planetary neighbour, Mars, is a cold, barren rock. Its rusted surface, covered in parched sand.” Brian the Earthling spoke once again. “But beneath the dust, the planet bears the scars of a former life.”

“They love calling me such nice names.” Mars muttered, “Your Earthlings really know how to charm a planet.”

Earth just rolled his eyes. It was always a bit amusing that the planet his Earthlings were so desperate to go to didn’t even want them. They’d probably have better luck with Venus, though I wouldn’t like that either honestly.

The image changed to a brief meteor shower and lava plume, before switching back to Mars. “Billions of years ago Mars was just like Earth. A world with a thick atmosphere that supported oceans of water.” While he spoke, flashes of water and rainfall could be seen.

“I’m just looking forward to when we get to the gas planets.” Uranus complained for what felt like the 50th time. “All this focus on ‘habitable rocky worlds’ is getting dull.”

“Well it's a good thing nobody asked, then!” Phobos replied cheerily enough that Earth couldn’t tell if he was trying to be rude or did it accidentally. 

“But today, that world is gone.” The images of a dry, barren Mars appeared on screen. “Mars lies dead, while the Earth thrives.”

“Oi, I’m not dead!” Mars barked, frowning at the screen.

“By their standards, I think you are.” Mercury piped up, looking amused.

“Why the two planets have such different fates is a mystery, one that we’ve only just begun to answer.”

“Probably because they’re different planets? This is like my section all over again!” Venus complained, kicking the air in front of his bean bag.

‘The Two Sisters, Earth & Mars’ appeared on a dark background.

“Look, even more siblings. You’re going to be related to half the Solar System by the time this is over.” Luna said, not even sounding like he was joking.

“I don’t know if I want to join a family with Venus already in it.” Mars joked, glancing over at Titan. “Maybe I’ll join just for Titan. He seems nice.”

“Hey! What about me?” Earth gasped in mock outrage.

“See that pale red point of light in the sky, just there.” Brian was wandering around in the dark again with a torch, pointing up at the night sky. “That’s Mars. Through a small telescope it appears almost Earth-like, our sister world.”

“I like how they had to label you, cause otherwise I would not have seen that tiny dot.” Venus snarked.

“Polar ice caps and dark surface markings that 19th century astronomers thought were vegetation, even canals bringing melt water down from the poles to arid, equatorial cities.” Brain stood in the darkness, explaining. “‘Across the depths of space, the inhabitants watched us with envious eyes’- H.G Wells”

“So they’ve been deluding themselves for a while then.” Mars said with a sigh. Earth couldn’t help but sigh along with him.

“I think I’ve read some of the stuff by that author.” Jupiter mused to himself.

“We now know that there are no eyes looking back at us. Mars is a frozen, arid desert world, but a fleet of spacecraft have revealed that it hasn’t always been that way.” The image cut to a spaceship launching from his surface.

“More spying rockets? Don’t they have better things to build?” Uranus asked, receiving a dumbfounded look from Neptune.

“I don’t know, I like their creativity and determination!”

‘Mariner 4, 1964’ appeared on screen as voices announced its launch. ‘First detailed pictures of the Martian surface’ text read next to a grey photo of camera reels.

“That picture is so grainy I can’t even tell what it’s supposed to be.” Mercury complained, squinting at the black and white photo.

“During its brief flyby, Mariner 4 gave us our first close up glimpses of Mars…” The screen proceeded to show Mariner 9 also taking off. Brian explained that Mariner 9 orbited Mars and took detailed pictures of its surface.

“I’m not surprised they went back for better pictures after seeing that last one.” Earth added. It was always fascinating to look back at how fast his humans had developed, even if it was with the goal of visiting Mars.

“...The Viking program took us down to the ground for the first time.” The screen showed the Viking landing on the surface of Mars after a human explained some of the features of the pod. “And revealed Mars like never before.”

“And thus started a barrage of robots and pods all over me.” Mars lamented, leaning back in his bean bag.

The screen showed the excitement of the humans at getting their first colour picture of Mars’ surface, a dry, red plain of rock.

“Aww, it’s kind of cute how excited they are to land it successfully.” Saturn smiled, turning to Jupiter, “I hope they were excited when they sent those probes to us as well.”

“I’m sure they were, Saturn, they love learning new things.”

“The data gathered over the last 50 years has allowed us to create detailed maps of the Martian surface.” Brian was now standing before a lake on his surface, sitting down with a screen. “And begin to piece together its past.”

Earth took a moment to gaze at the stark, warm landscape where Brian was sitting. Despite literally being the planet he was sat on, it wasn’t often Earth got to see his landscapes from this close and at this angle. 

“Maps of Mars are like story books, you can read the history of the planet written across its surface.” Brian was showing an elevation map of Mars. “And the reason for that is that there's virtually no erosion, there hasn’t been for billions of years, so the scars of events that happened even 4 billion years ago can still be seen.”

“They made a 3D map of me?” Mars seemed to be getting more disturbed by humans’ activities every passing minute.

“I think it’s AWESOME!” Deimos cried, joined by his brother.

“Yeah! A whole map of the best planet!”

“This is…” Brian began to explain how an elevation map worked. “...this region here which is much higher than the rest of Mars is called Tharsis, and it's covered in volcanoes. Including the largest volcano in the Solar System, Olympus Mons.”

Mars looked proud at that proclamation. Despite having many volcanoes, active ones at that, none of Earth’s came even close to the size of Mars’. 

“On the other side of Tharsis is…” Brian went on explaining the regions of Valles Marineris and the Hellas Planitia. He explained that the Hellas basin was so deep you could look down on Everest if it was placed at the bottom.“...and the region surrounding the basin revealed Mars’ former life.”

“The extremes of your surface geography are fascinating, Mars.” Jupiter complemented the small red planet. Mars’ seemed to beam even brighter with pride at the praise from the gas giant.

“Suck up.” Venus muttered quietly next to Earth, who had to stifle a laugh.

“The Hellas basin is punched into the oldest surviving terrain on Mars. It’s called Noachis Terra or the Land of Noah.”

“Who’s Noah?” Neptune asked, tilting his head at the screen.

“Some Earthling from a religious text, I think?” Luna replied. “I believe he had something to do with a lot of water.”

“And that’s a wonderfully evocative name, because its surface is sculpted by flowing water.” The screen showed the dry river patterns on Mars’ surface. “All across the earliest Martian surface we’ve glimpsed traces of what appear to have been lakes and rivers.”

“It looks similar to the stuff they found on me.” Titan, who Earth had almost forgotten was there, spoke up. The moon looked fascinated to see the same patterns on another planet.

“And so a new generation of spacecraft has been sent to Mars to investigate the existence of water.” The images of NASA Maven and NASA MRO floating above the red planet played on screen. “And what happened to the planet for it all to disappear.”

“They really have littered you with robots, haven’t they.” Earth laughed sympathetically, thinking of his own debris-filled orbit. He loved his Earthlings, but he really wished they would clean up after themselves more.

“That’s what I’ve been saying! They keep sending more and more things to look at me, it’s creepy.” Mars ranted in response. 

“Led by the most audacious Mars’ mission ever attempted.” The room watched as the NASA Curiosity Rover was deployed onto the surface of Mars. “To land a 1 ton rover on the Martian surface.”

“I wonder if they’ll ever try to land a rover on me or Venus?” Mercury said as the rover pod fell rapidly onto Mars’ surface.

“Probably not. They seem to have written you two off as hellscapes, if the last episode is to be believed.” Uranus pondered, fiddling with his pen.

Intense music began playing as the pod containing the precious rover fell towards its landing point, deploying a parachute to try to slow its descent. “Its final descent has become known as the 7 minutes of terror.”

“Terror for who? The rover?” Sun asked sceptically. 

“I imagine it was terror from the Earthlings that made it. It was probably very difficult to make.” Jupiter suggested to the star.

The rover was dropped from the pod, and using counter-thrusters, lowered itself onto the surface of Mars. The rover landed successfully, while its thrusters were detached and shot off to crash on Mars’ surface.

“Curiosity touched down in Gale crater, a 150 km wide impact basin, thought to have been home to an ancient lake.” The shadow of the creepy robotic arm of the rover was shown slowly extending to probe Mars’ soil. 

“Robots are so creepy.” Luna shuddered against his side. Earth had to agree, the way they angled this makes it so much creepier. 

“The rover is a 2.5 billion dollar mobile chemistry lab designed to take samples of the Martian surface and analyse its composition.” The little rover trundled across the barren landscape of Mars. “As it explored the crater, Curiosity saw pebbles, polished and rounded by running water in what had once been rivers and streams.”

“That little rover is adorable!” Neptune cooed, watching the rover with interest. “Do you think they’ll send one to me?”

“I think your lack of a solid surface might get in the way of that, mate.” 

“Then, 61 days after landing, Curiosity identified the perfect spot to begin its primary mission…” Brian explained that the rover found a basin to collect samples of soil from, using its equipment to test the samples. “...chemical analysis of the fine, dusty sand revealed something quite unexpected.”

“It actually found something?” Mars seemed sceptical, “Was it just dirt? These Earthlings seem to get excited about anything even slightly like you, Earth.”

“Well, I don’t think they found Life, I’m, like, 90% sure I would have noticed if they had.”

“Even though the surface of Mars appears completely dry, 2% of the soil is still made up of water.” Brian excitedly explained the findings of the rover. “Curiosity had found evidence of just how wet of a planet ancient Mars used to be.”

“Oh, even worse, they found water.” Venus laughed, “They’ll be all over you like fleas in a century.” 

Mars just sighed with his head in his hands, playing up his despair. Earth laughed as well, picturing humans swarming over any area with water like lice. I don’t think they’re that rabid…yet.

“For hundreds of millions of years, Mars was a water world.” The screen played calm music as images of a water-filled Mars appeared on screen. Rain fell onto the red surface and lakes covered the planet. “Rains fell, rivers ran, and in the northern hemisphere water collected in a vast sea that covered a 5th of the Martian surface.”

“I can’t wait till our frozen water melts!” Europa squealed, hanging off of Ganymede’s arm. “It looks so soothing.” 

Ganymede just rolled his eyes, but Earth could still see a fond smile on his face. Would it be weird to say I ship the guys that tried to kill me? Probably…best not to mention it to Mercury then.

“The red planet was once blue.” A blue-red planet hung in space on the screen, dotted with clouds.

“It looked good on you.” Saturn commented. Mars seemed conflicted about this, stuck between wanting to accept the compliment, and reject the idea of looking better with water.

“All the evidence suggests that there were large bodies of standing water on Mars around 4 billion years ago, and the atmospheric pressure was at least that of Earth today, perhaps even higher, temperatures of around 25 degree celsius.” Brian was sitting above a large cliff overlooking a body of water. “So I could have sat on Mars all those years ago, admittedly with a mask to breathe cause there was very little oxygen, but I could have sat there and looked out over a view like that.”

“I don’t think I’d have wanted life, at least not a complex as yours, but it would’ve been nice to keep my oceans just a bit longer.” Mars admitted quietly to Earth, frowning at the screen. The blue-green planet offered his friend a pat on the back, not sure what to say.

Earth had wanted life for so long, it was often hard for him to understand Mars’ apathy to the whole thing. Though, considering what he’s seen it do to me and my personality, maybe he is right to reject it.

“So, you don’t have to imagine what Mars was like in the past, you can experience it. It was pretty much like this.” 

“Do you reckon they’ll terraform Mars back to that, hey Callisto?” Io asked, enunciating terraform like it was a monster to frighten little moons with. 

“I’m sure they’ll try…they seem to have the audacity for it.” 

“But within a billion years, all of Mars’ lakes and seas had disappeared.” An above-planet shot showed the water rapidly disappearing from the surface of the red planet. “In our Solar System, only one blue planet survives. Mars’ sister, Earth.”

“Oh yay, more Earthlings hyping up their planet’s habitability.” Venus complained as usual. Earth himself found it reassuring that at least some of his humans liked his current conditions and wanted to keep it that way. It made a nice change from the constant feeling of cloying CO2 and painful fracking operations. 

“70% of our planet’s surface is covered by oceans.” Bright blue water filled with fish swam across the screen. Dolphins jumped and glided along the water’s surface. “Under the waves, a million species thrive.”

“Oh! It’s t…the…fins!” Phobos excitedly tripped over the word, pointing at the screen. “The smart ones you mentioned earlier!”

“Dolphins! Yeah, that’s them.” Earth smiled at the small moon, happy to see another celestial take a liking to the creatures. 

“I like your oceans the best, they’ve definitely got the best Earthlings.” Luna, leaning against his side, said softly to him.

“You just say that cause you have such an impact on the tides.” Earth teased, earning a laugh from his moon.

“While on land, the rains support Earth’s delicate ecosystems.” Rain fell onto a dense jungle, gibbons climbing amongst the trees. “Providing a home for an abundance of life.”

“What manner of beast is that! It looks like a tiny, stretched out Astrodude.” The Sun asked in mild fascination. 

“It’s a gibbon, I think? There’s so many types of primates, it’s hard to keep track.” The living planet answered.

“I’m not sure Astrodude would take that comparison as a complement, Sun.” Mercury said quietly to the star.

“Good, cause he shouldn’t.” Venus, overhearing, butted in.

“But it hasn’t always been this way.”

“Oh, now we can see baby pictures of Earth too, yay…” Uranus sighed sarcastically, looking at the brown rocky planet on screen. “Is this seriously going to happen with every episode?”

Earth elected to ignore the ice giant, focusing instead on the screen, waiting to see the next part.

*“Earth before life, 4.5 billion years ago, was no nascent Eden; closer to the realm of Hades than the Garden of God…The planet still trembled from the aftermath of a glancing collision with Mars-sized Theia, now fragmented into a ring of debris that, given time, coalesced with the ejected rubble of Earth to form the Moon,”*

“Theia…?”

“Who’s Theia?” Earth couldn’t tell if he’d asked, or Luna.

Earth’s thoughts were drowned out in a swarm of buzzing, coating his core in a strange, numbing sensation. That name…why is it so familiar? I’ve never even heard of this planet.

The whole room seemed to be avoiding his gaze. The Sun wore a shuttered, pained expression, turning his head away from Earth’s questioning eyes. Jupiter and Saturn were still, eyes wandering to the rocky planets and the Sun, trying to decide what to say. Uranus was furiously ignoring the room, scribbling in his book, while Neptune seemed just as confused as Earth.

Finding no answers from the giants, the living planet turned to his rocky neighbours. It hurt to see his friends, who just seconds ago were joking happily with him, avoid his gaze like it was a solar flare. 

“...Earth, I…can we just leave this? We can’t really talk about this right now.” Mars hesitantly asked. The blue-green planet felt his core heat up in indignation. They want me to drop it, why? I just want to know who Theia was. Clearly I was in a collision with her…

“Why not? What happened? Is…was it…” Earth didn’t want to consider the possibility, but what was he supposed to think when everyone was acting like this, “Was it me? Did I cause the collision?”

“No. Of course not, Earth.” Jupiter, seemingly done with waiting for the Sun to take the lead, answered him kindly. “It was a terrible accident, nobody-”

“I caused it.” Venus interrupted the gas giant, glaring at the floor hard before meeting Earth’s gaze. 

“Venus, if you are to blame then so am I.” Mars snapped, stepping towards the cloudy planet. “We both had an impact on her orbit.”

Earth felt himself growing dizzy. The name kept repeating in his head, drowning out any coherent thought he knew he should be having about this situation. Luna looked equally as overwhelmed, darting from Earth’s side to stand between the arguing rocky planets.

“STOP!” Luna barked, glaring the larger celestials into backing away from each other, before wheeling on the Sun. “Just tell us what happened, no guilty confessions or lying…please.”

The Sun, who had been trying to do his best impression of dark matter, straightened up at Luna’s demand. Jupiter stood beside him, looking worried.

“Theia was another rocky planet, as the documentary said, around Mars’ size.” The Sun’s words didn’t help the strange ringing, but Earth began to feel less tension as he and his moon finally got a clear answer. “I’m not sure what caused it, no one is sure, but her orbit became unstable. We thought it was just moving, that happened a lot back then, but it had crossed into yours and…by the time we realised what would happen it was too late.”

“I’m sorry, Earth, Luna, that we kept this from you, but we thought it would be for the best.” Jupiter put in gently. “Earth, you didn’t remember anything and Luna, even less so.”

“...thank you for telling me.” Earth finally forced out. Luna seemed satisfied with the explanation, settling down next to him again. “I…I think I need some time to think about this.”

Unable to get the odd sensation out of his head, Earth decided to try and ignore it. The explanation hadn’t felt like enough, but what more could he ask? At least Luna doesn’t seem to be having as much trouble with this as me. It must be so weird to hear that the death of a planet created you. 

The screen seemed to take his words as permission to unpause.

‘Earth, 4 billion years ago’ appeared on the screen next to a newly cooling rock of toxic lava and gases. 

“The early Earth was unrecognizable from the planet we know today.” The camera panned down into the storms of the planet, yellow in the sunlight. “Its atmosphere is thick with carbon dioxide and its oceans are acidic.”

“Similar to Venus now, then?” Titan, trying desperately to break the awkward air that had settled on the room, spoke up.

“I guess so. It looks almost the same as the footage they used for Venus as well.” Callisto joined in, making an equally stilted conversion.

“4 billion years ago, Earth was a troubled, toxic world.” The screen cuts to a blue Mars. “While Mars was flourishing.”

“Ha, like that changed much.” Ganymede snarked without thinking, only to cower under the disappointed look from Jupiter.

“But both planets were about to be engulfed by a cataclysmic event from space.” 

“Another one? How many cataclysmic events happen in this Solar System.” Titania asked rhetorically. A few other Uranian moons piped up in agreement, trying to fill the quiet.

 Earth knew he should say something to break the tension, but he didn’t really know what to say. And anyway, it’s giving the moons a chance to talk, I guess.

“To understand what happened, we have to look beyond our own world…” Brian explained that due to actions of the oceans, tectonic plates, and erosion, Earth’s surface isn’t good at retaining old scars. “But we have a companion, the moon, which has been inactive for many billions of years.”

Earth gave Luna a quick side hug, both in response to the words and to remind himself that his moon was there. His mind was just playing tricks on him, imagining another planet in his place.

“And so the history of events that happened in this region of the Solar System is written all over its surface.” The screen displayed his moon’s surface as Brian explained. “The most distinctive feature of the moon’s surface is its craters. It is literally covered in a record of impacts from space.”

“I feel like that’s a pretty common feature for moons. I mean, Callisto is covered in them.” Europa commented.

“I’m sure they’ll get round to overanalysing our own craters someday.” Ganymede added, seemingly excited at the idea despite his words.

“And that allows us to estimate the relative ages of different parts of the moon...” Brian held a moon rock, telling the room how an area of Luna with more craters would be older. He then explained that radioactive decay in the rocks at the craters allows humans to pinpoint the age of the impact. “...So the moon rocks allow us to tie the number of craters in a particular region to an absolute age, measured by the rocks.”

“That’s fascinating! I wonder which radioactive element they used? Maybe rubidium-87 and strontium-87, with strontium-86 as a comparator?” Makemake, one of the dwarf planets, suddenly spoke up in an excited voice. “How much material did they bring back to do that, I would love to know!”

The dwarf planet turned towards Luna, seemingly waiting for an answer. Earth watched as his moon awkwardly turned to the dwarf planet without breaking their hug, and replied.

“I…I’m not sure? They’ve sent at least 6 missions to my surface, but I was paying much attention to what they were doing.” The dwarf planet seemed satisfied with that answer, going back to talking with his own group.

“And this doesn’t just allow us to date impacts on the Lunar surface.” Shots of Luna turned to a slideshow of different impact craters on Mars and other moons. “It means that craters can be used to read the histories of worlds across the Solar System. Including Mars.”

“Oh great, they’ve been doing this to me too.” Mars said, then froze, realising he’d broken the silence the planets had fallen into after the last revelation. Earth, even though he still felt angry and confused inside, decided now was as good a time as any. We can’t sit here the whole time, relying on moons and dwarf planets to fill the silence we’ve inflicted on the room.

  “They’ve also been naming all of your craters too, from the looks of it.” The living planet added, earning a surprised glance from his friend.

“When we gathered all the data, we discovered something surprising. There was a peak in the crater formation rate about 3.8-3.9 billion years ago.” Brian was talking with his hands, directly at the camera. “Which signified a period of intense violence in the Solar System. And that is called the Late Heavy Bombardment.”

“Oh, I remember that! I woke up to it.” Luna piped up, happy to have reached events they recognised. 

“I’m not surprised. It was relentless.” Jupiter put in, frowning at the memory. 

‘Mars, 3.9 billion years ago’ appeared over a wide sea on the red planet. Meteors began raining down into the water, lighting up the sky as they flew through Mars’ atmosphere. 

“Countless asteroids fragmented in Mars’ atmosphere, raining havoc across the planet.” Intense music picked up as Mars was bombarded by asteroids. 

“It’s kind of pretty, in a glowing balls of rocks kind of way.” Mercury commented as they watched the long meteor shower. Earth just felt uneasy. Meteorites used to be fairly common, ignorable things; but ever since he gained Life, they spelt danger and death.

“It’s estimated that 53 tons of rock fell on every square meter of Mars.” Huge explosions took place as massive asteroids hit the land. “Over a 3rd of the planet’s surface was obliterated, and Mars was pushed to the brink of death.”

“I wouldn’t say that. It just messed up my nice oceans, I guess.” Mars tried to downplay it, avoiding the screen with his eyes. Earth felt a swell of sympathy, knowing all too well how much damage meteors can wreck on planets hoping for life. 

“While the surface of the moon tells us that the Late Heavy Bombardment happened, it doesn’t tell us why.” Brain was now sitting on the side of a volcano. “For that we have to resort to computer models of the evolution of the Solar System.”

“They’ve gone whole detective on the Solar System, trying to find ‘who done it’.” Uranus laughed, finally pulled out of his sketchbook. Beside him, Neptune looked oddly uneasy.  

“And when we do that, they point the finger at Neptune.” Neptune’s blue form faded onto the screen.

The room echoed with the sounds of many bodies turning to look at the blue ice giant. Neptune himself seemed frozen, eyes wide and uncertain. His gaggle of small moons were looking up at their planet, confusion and worry in their expressions.

“Neptune? Did you throw meteors? You always told us not to!” Galatea asked, sounding distressed. Triton, the largest of Neptune’s moons, shushed her gently, looking at his planet with apprehension.

“I…I don’t remember doing anything like that.” The planet stuttered. “I wouldn’t…my job is to keep the Kuiper belt from doing that, not the other way around…”

“It’s thought that Neptune migrated outwards into the Kuiper belt, a region of ice and rocky objects orbiting at the edge of the Solar System.” 

“Well, I remember that, mate.” Uranus complained. “It’s when you went missing! You suddenly had a way larger orbit, right at the edge of the Solar System.” 

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t remember much from back then.” The icy blue planet was getting increasingly distressed, watching the screen like it might give him answers.

“The resulting gravitational interactions disrupted those orbits and sent many of the objects inwards to the inner Solar System, and that might be the cause of the Late Heavy Bombardment.”

Neptune screwed up his face at the screen, seemingly trying to remember the events depicted. The ice giant let out an uncharacteristic sigh. 

“I…I’m sorry. I don’t remember doing that but I didn’t mean to hurt you guys.” Neptune apologized, turning to the rocky planets and Luna. 

“It’s okay, Neptune, it's not your fault your orbit changed.” Mars accepted the apology easily. It was kind of hard to stay mad at a planet that clearly didn’t remember the event. 

‘Earth, 3.9 billion years ago’, faded into view over a molten planet bombarded by asteroids. 

The ominous music that accompanied the shot made Earth suddenly feel uneasy. What now, another horrible event we didn’t even know about, but somehow my Earthlings do?

“Earth also suffered the onslaught, and for tens of millions of years the fortunes of the two sister worlds hung in the balance” The smoky, barren area Brian was walking was clearly a geyser plain somewhere Earth didn’t immediately recognise. He walked dramatically through the plumes of gases as he spoke. "But just when conditions appeared at their least promising, Earth’s most precious characteristic emerged.”

“That geyser field is amazing! All that steam.” Makemake spoke up again, unable to contain himself it seemed, turning to the living planet. “How did you make them? I’ve always wanted geothermal activity, but the Kuiper belt is rather cold.”

“Oh, um...they usually form in areas where magma is close to my surface and there’s a supply of groundwater.” Earth tried to explain, not prepared to be quizzed on this. “They’re quite delicate, though, I think I only have about 1000 left.”

“Life.”

“Your Life started during the Late Heavy Bombardment?” The Sun asked, looking confused. “I don’t remember hearing about it that early.”

“That’s probably because I didn’t even know at that time.” Earth corrected, excited to see when exactly the humans thought life had begun. He’d not notice it himself until they began producing oxygen.

“There is good evidence that life was present on Earth around 3.8 billion years ago…” Brian dismissed the idea that Life might have been brought to Earth by a comet as a remote possibility. “...that means that life must have begun here.”

“Of course it began on Earth, where else would it have?” Luna, looking oddly outraged at the idea of Life coming in on a comet, spoke up. “Do they think it came from the super-frozen Kuiper belt?”

“I’m sure it’s just a theory of theirs, not something they hold as fact.” Jupiter tried to appease the moon.

“You’d be surprised, these Earthlings can be denser than Earth sometimes.” 

“Hey!”

“So somewhere on this planet there was a transmission from geochemistry, the chemistry of Earth, to Biochemistry, the chemistry of Life.”

The screen showed a slow series of shots over the geyser field. 

“And whilst the precise details of how that transmission occurred…” Brian walked near the bubbling geyser, explaining that they believe warm hydrothermal vents under the ocean was where life first occurred. “...For the chemical building blocks of life to form spontaneously.”

“Ah, a muddy, hot puddle.” Ganymede snarked, “How elegant.”

“He’s got a point, Earth, that doesn’t look very appealing.” Mars’ added at his side, much to the living planet’s outrage. “I certainly don’t want to be covered in that if that’s what it takes for Life.”

Earth just frowned. They could’ve used footage of underwater thermal vents as well! Though getting Brian there would be a bit difficult, I suppose.

“And that means that if similar conditions were to be found elsewhere in the Solar System, it might be possible that life began there too.” 

“That explains why they’re so determined that Life might be elsewhere. They came out of a muddy puddle!” Venus laughed at the screen as it paused.

“Well, we came out of star-leftovers, so I don’t think we have room to talk.” Mercury piped up.

The screen changed to a rocket launch, and the room prepared to keep watching.

Chapter Text

This whole situation was not helping Mars’ stress levels. He’d thought things would finally calm down after the Moon revolution and Earth’s shitty behaviour was resolved. But no, the Sun decided to re-arrange all their orbits and his friend almost froze. Things might have been calming down when the rocky planets had their long-needed talk, but then the whole Solar System was tossed into this room. And, while watching this documentary wasn’t the worst thing that had happened recently, it certainly wasn’t pleasant. 

Every episode seemed to bring up another sore topic or event in their past that everyone would probably prefer to go without knowing. Stars, Mars himself didn’t partially want a play-by-play of how he lost his oceans, or how Venus was cooked by his atmosphere, or…

Mars wasn’t sure what to do about Earth finally being told about the collision. It was like the Solar System had been treating it like a taboo for so long, now that it was out Mars felt like the tragic event had just happened. He still remembered the screams, the explosion of molten rocks, the sudden loss of two beloved friends. But, most of all, he remembered how quiet everything was afterwards. It felt like the Sun had put the Solar System on lockdown. No moving between orbits. That had left Mars stuck between the corpses of his friends and the asteroid belt. 

It had been more than a breath of relief when Earth, and then Luna, had finally woken up. It had seemed easier to just treat them as a new planet and moon, rather than try to explain the events that led to them. It felt wrong to admit, but Mars had mostly expected Earth to never know about Theia. He’d never recalled anything related to the times before, and trying to trigger any memories would be a cruelty Mars couldn’t agree to.

But now he knows, Mars thought while looking over at Earth, who was still acting subdued, he knows I played a part, no matter how small. He knows I lied…our whole lives.  

‘Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter’ appeared on the screen as a large, narrow rocket launched from the Earth’s surface. Background noise of human voices could be heard proclaiming they were investigating the evolution of Mars.

Mars refocused on the screen, shaking himself out of those worries. I can’t do anything about it until this episode is over.

His moons, Phobos and Deimos, had returned to his side after running their energy out. While it was likely impossible to render them tired enough to stay completely still, Mars was still glad they were a little calmer than before.

“So in 2005, NASA embarked on a mission to look for those same environments, on Mars.”

“They really are super determined to find Life on you, aren’t they?” Mercury commented to him, watching what felt like the 100th rocket launch since this began.

“It feels a bit targeted at this point. I mean, Venus is technically closer to them!” Mars sighed, “But no, they send everything to me.”

“I guess Venus scared them off with that probe that barely lasted an hour.” Mercury suggested with amusement.

‘Mars, present day’, held in the corner of the screen as images of Mars’ surface appeared. “For more than a decade, the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter has been our eyes on the red planet. Sending back more data than all the other Mars missions combined.”

“I still think it’s creepy how much they can find out just by orbiting around us.” Uranus shivered, looking in dismay at the screen. Mars could understand the ice giant’s trepidation, but it was a bit of an overreaction for a planet that had only ever been probed once.

“Well, I think it is quite incredible.” Jupiter put in calmly, much to the grumpy ice giant’s irritation.

“MRO has made more than 60000 orbits, mapping over 99% of the planet’s surface.” The camera orbited beside the MRO as it crossed the planet. “Its high resolution cameras have revealed Mars as never before.”

“Damn, that’s more than they’ve mapped on me.” Earth exclaimed.

“How is that possible? You have their satellites all over your orbit!” Luna asked in confusion. Mars had to agree, it seemed weird that the Earthling wouldn’t map Earth first.

“Most of my surface is ocean, and they haven’t mapped all of the ocean floor.” Earth explained happily, “So it's only on a technicality, but they’ve mapped more of Mars’ surface.”

“Discovering polar avalanches, shifting sand dunes, and what could be seasonal flows of sand, or even liquid melt water.” Images of ice, sand, and old water marks on the surface of Mars filled the screen. 

“I can see that discovery must have got them very excited.” Venus grumbled next to Earth.

“Then, in 2017, MRO turned its gaze to one of the red planet’s oldest features.” The text ‘Eridania Basin, 3.8 billion years ago’, appeared over an image of the basin filling with water. “The Eridania Basin.”

“These Earthlings are really terrible at naming our planet!” Phobos sounded unduly outraged, and was soon joined by his brother in scheming up new names of Mars’ features.

“It can be the Deimosian Basin now!” 

“No! Phobosia Basin sounds way cooler.”

“Settle down, guys.” Mars tried in vain to calm the rambunctious moons.

“3.8 billion years ago, the basin was a vast sea, holding 10x more water than the great lakes of North America.” The screen showed a great sea, while Brian continued to talk. “And it was here that MRO found the evidence it was looking for.” 

“They found something?” Mars was immediately confused. He wasn’t sure what they could’ve found that related to their mission. Back when he still had decent conditions for Life, he’d never felt any of the signs Earth had reported. But he apparently had Life long before he noticed it.

“4 hundred meter thick deposits of minerals that, on Earth, form in deep sea hydrothermal vents.” The orbiter’s images show rocks and sand, mixed together like a riverbed. It then cuts to footage of active hydrothermal vents under Earth’s oceans.

“You had hydrothermal vents too? That’s so cool!” Earth exclaimed excitedly, before launching into an extended info-dump. 

Mars was momentarily taken aback by Earth’s response. Prior to the Moon revolution, he’d had expected a blow-out over such a discovery. I guess he really is trying to be better.

“In the Eridania Basin, MRO revealed that conditions on Mars had once been ripe for the emergence of Life.”

I could have had Life and didn’t even know about it? Mars had never partially wanted Life, and was still reluctant to allow Earth’s creatures to infect him, but the idea that he’d possibly held Life and not even been aware of it was oddly upsetting. 

“Enceladus, don’t you have hydrothermal vents too?” Titan asked his fellow moon. The grumpy ice moon seemed surprised at the question but nodded.

“Really! Oh, that’s so exciting! Two moons with the potential for Life!” Saturn excitedly squealed, receiving a fairly cold response from his moons. Not that the gas giant noticed.

“We won’t know for sure whether life began, or even perhaps still exists, on Mars until we go there and find physical evidence…” Brain was sitting on some dark rocks, explaining how similar the conditions were on Earth and Mars when Life first began, and that micros or fossils may be possible on Mars today. “...So it is at least possible that Earth is not the only world in the Solar System where life began.”

“They’re coming for you!” Venus laughed at Mars’ involuntary expression of dismay. “You’ll be swarmed with them in a century, just you wait.”

“They do seem pretty determined to search for any answers.” Saturn mused from his spot next to Jupiter. “I wonder if they’ll do the same with my moons! Won’t that be exciting!” 

Titan looked resigned to this fate, while Enceladus wore an expression of mild horror and disgust. 

“Habitable conditions, during what was known as Mars’ Noachian era, persisted for hundreds of millions of years.” Ice crystals were shown growing. “But then prospects for life on the red planet changed dramatically.”

“Wow, they have names for all your eras, like they do for me!” Earth said, smiling at Mars. This caught the red planet off guard. Why isn’t he angry at me, for lying for so long?

Not knowing what else to say, and suddenly struck by anxiety, Mars just replied, “Yeah, that’s pretty cool.”

Earth must have picked up on his mood shift, as the living planet returned his words with an odd look, equal parts confusion and worry. 

“Around 3.5 billion years ago, the Noachian era drew to a close. Mars entered a more frozen, arid phase, known as the Hesperian…” Brian was now walking in the snow, explaining that most water on Mars froze, and was then melted rapidly by volcanic activity. “...leading to catastrophic flooding.”

“They must have been some of the most spectacular sights in the history of the Solar System.”

“He sounds way too excited at the prospect of massive flooding.” Luna commented critically, frowning at the screen.

“It’s not the same as on my surface, there wasn’t any life running about to get hurt.” His planet suggested, then added, “And anyway, you know what my Earthlings are like about large amounts of water, they go crazy for it.”

“True. I still don’t understand why they enjoy running into the waves I create and sliding about on bits of wood.” Luna laughed. Mars could barely picture what the moon was even describing, but it sounded mad.

“As molten rock pushed upwards through the crust, meltwater poured out onto the surface…” The screen showed vast amounts of water running towards Echus Chasma to flow off the edges. “...it plunged over cliffs 4 km high. Creating the largest waterfall the Solar System has ever seen.”

“You’ve got the largest volcano and the largest waterfall? Leave something for the rest of us, geez.” Ganymede complained from Jupiter’s side. Mars suddenly felt extremely tempted to tell the cocky little moon’s planet exactly what he’d been up to recently. Not now, not here. 

Still, the red planet couldn’t resist the urge to shoot back. “You’ve certainly claimed the title of largest mouth, it seems.” 

“Echus Chasma would’ve been like no waterfall seen on Earth. 350 cubic kilometers of water flowed over it…” Brian was stood beside an icy waterfall, explaining just how much water would have flowed over the falls.“...and that happened in a few weeks.” 

“Do you remember that?” Deimos asked, turning against his side to see his face.

“Um, vaguely? I remember a lot of water suddenly melting after it froze for a while, but I think I was more focused on other things.” The red planet tried to recall that far back. It sometimes feels like I was a totally different planet back then.

“Once the flood subsided, the water disappeared, leaving the evidence of the falls etched into the face of the planet.” The camera panned over the icy waterfall on Earth. “We don’t know precisely why the climate of Mars changed from warm and wet to cold and arid. We’re talking about events that happened 3.5 billion years ago on a planet hundreds of millions of km away, so it is a hard problem.” 

“These Earthlings love a good mystery, don’t they!” Makemake, the dwarf planet from earlier, suddenly spoke up, seemingly by accident. He didn’t acknowledge the rest of the room, just kept speculating to his fellow dwarf planets. “I wonder if they’d like ‘Dungeons and Dwarf planets’! Oh, if only we could invite them!”

“Hey, Makemake, a bit quieter please.” Pluto gently asked, eyeing the watching planets nervously. Makemake turned to look as well. The dwarf planet flushed at the unexpected amount of eyes and instantly quieted down.

“But we do strongly suspect that changes happening on the planet’s surface were driven at least in part by changes in the planet’s interior.”

That dwarf planet certainly has a point, these creatures can’t leave well-enough alone. Mars didn’t like where this line of questioning was taking things.

“Deep within Mars’ core, something was causing the planet to die, and the evidence can be found in Mars’ atmosphere.” The screen showed a water-covered Mars, before shifting to another rocket launch.

“The Earthlings sure seem to think they can define ‘dead’ and ‘alive’ for beings they can’t even comprehend!” The Sun snapped, outraged at the audacity. “How would they know whether any of my planets were dying!”

‘Mars Atmosphere & Volatile Evolution Mission’ appeared as a countdown was heard. The MAVEN spacecraft took off on its mission to test the planet’s atmosphere. 

“How many is that now? This is getting ridiculous.” Uranus sighed, flicking through his notebook for clear pages. “Mars is going to end up with more probes on him than I have moons.”

The pale ice giant glanced at his companion, an oddly hopeful look in his eyes. Neptune still seemed subdued  after the last revelation, staring at nothing in particular. His moon, Proteus, nudged the planet expectantly.

“What? Oh, that’s silly Uranus, they’ve only sent 18, they have a bit to go before they best you!” Neptune rattled off, adding quietly, seemingly to himself, “They’ve already caught up with me.”

“In September 2014, NASA’s MAVEN probe made its final approach to the red planet.” The MAVEN hung above Mars’, shining in the light of the Sun. “Its mission, to understand what drove the planet’s dramatic climate change. MAVEN is equipped with an ary of instruments designed to measure the behaviour of atoms and molecules in Mars’ atmosphere.”

“How does it go from that big space rocket, to such a small floating box?” Mercury asked, watching the screen with confusion. 

“They eject parts of the ship, once they’ve done their part in getting it into space.” Earth answered, then added bitterly, “Then they leave all the bits floating around in my orbit.”

“The spacecraft circles Mars’ in an elliptical orbit…” Brian explained how the probe tested the atmosphere at various altitudes. Using the data, it noticed a pattern. “...found a key to the mystery of what happened to Mars.”

“How did they work out that they needed to look into the atmosphere for clues?” Saturn questioned, glancing at Jupiter for his thoughts.

“If this is about what I suspect it is, they probably based it on what they know about how Earth maintains their atmosphere.” Jupiter mused. Saturn didn’t appear to be totally following Jupiter’s line of thinking, but didn’t ask again.

“Detailed measurements revealed gas has been lost from the Martian atmosphere, escaping to space at a rate of about 2 kg every second.” The MAVEN probe orbited around the red, dusty world.  “Over time, it is thought that this gradual stripping away of Mars’ atmosphere slowly thinned the insulating layer surrounding the planet. Causing surface temperatures to plummet.”

“That can happen?” Titan sounded distressed as he exclaimed.

“Yes, though mostly to planets closer to the Sun. You don’t need to worry about it, my dear!” Saturn comforted the moon.

“Yet.” Enceladus muttered quietly. 

“But what was it that caused Mars to lose its atmosphere, while Earth clung onto hers.”

“HA, all that talk of me being named after a goddess, and your own Earthling calls you a girl!” Venus exclaimed triumphantly.

“So? They’ve been calling me and Mars’ sisters’ for the last 30 minutes, I don’t mind.” Earth snarked back, grinning as Venus seemed to puff up in anger.

“But-Ugh!” The cloudy planet let out a frustrated growl, turning away from the group. Mars frowned. While Earth, understandably, didn’t remember how Venus had been before, Mars recalled well enough to guess at why the planet was so sensitive about the ‘goddess’ comments. I should speak to Earth about it, before this teasing goes too far.

“150 million km away, in that direction, is the setting Sun, a giant nuclear fusion reactor. You’d fit a million Earths inside of it.” Brian was sat, looking out towards a beautiful sunset. “The surface temperature is only around 6000 degrees celsius, but the Sun’s atmosphere, known as its corona, is at a million degrees.”

“Yep, that’s me, the HOTTEST thing around!” The Sun exclaimed happily. “I’m the STAR of the show!”

“Sure, Sun.” Mercury was the only planet that offered a pity laugh to the terrible pun. Mars was starting to understand why Mercury always jumped at a chance to leave his orbit.

“And that means it’s in the form of what is known as a plasma soup of electrically charged particles. And some of those particles are moving around so fast that they can escape, and they stream away in what’s known as Solar wind.” Brian explained to the camera, moving his hands to aid his talk. “They reach the Earth traveling at a few hundred km per second, and if we weren’t protected, they would strip away our atmosphere.”

“Wait, when the Sun expands, will we have to deal with Solar wind?” Europa asked her planet.

“Likely not, Europa. You are close enough to me that my magnetosphere will protect you and my other moons” Jupiter offered to calm the moon’s worries.

“And when the Sun dips below the horizon, there are times when that protective forcefield is revealed.” The night sky of Earth became aglow with streaks of bright green light, twisting and wavering above the head of the Earthling.

The room watched in awe as the bright green streaks spread in the sky, appearing from seemingly thin air.

“Those are beautiful, Earth.” Saturn complemented with a smile. Earth himself seemed to glow at the praise.  

“Just look at that! And there is the Aurora.” Brian was staring up at the lights in wonder, awe in his voice.  “It’s the laws of nature, all of them, written across the sky.” 

Hearing the reverence this Earthling clearly held for this phenomenon almost made Mars reconsider his ambivalence towards the little creatures. What must it feel like to watch beings so much smaller than him stand in awe and wonder at the environment he’d created. No wonder he got such an attitude over the years.

However, Mars had seen plenty of the very real downsides, and weighing them against this adoration did not come out in the Earthlings' favour. What good is awe, when you’ve been stripped of everything.

“Electrically charged particles have been driven away from the Sun, ultimately from nuclear fusion reactions in the core of the star.” The sky continued to glow brightly as the Earthling explained. “They’re crossing the Solar System, hitting the Earth’s magnetic field, stretching it out on the dark side of the planet.”

“It's a bit mad that we need force fields just to avoid being damaged by our own Sun.” Mars mused out loud. Unfortunately, the Sun heard him.

“EXCUSE ME, ARES, THAT SOUNDED A BIT UNGRATEFUL!” The Sun ranted loudly. “YOU CAN TRY DEALING WITH THE COSMIC RADIATION YOURSELF, WITHOUT MY SHIELD, IF YOU LIKE!”

Mars decided his safest bet would be to look regretful and stay quiet.

“The field then has snapped back, like an elastic band, accelerating  all those charged particles up and down the field lines to the poles, here in the skies over Iceland…” Brian was explaining how interactions between the charged particles and molecules in the atmosphere caused the glow.“...and they admit light in characteristic colours.” 

“Oo, can it do other colours?” Phobos asked excitedly. 

“Yeah, at least mine can. They’re usually green, but can be red, pink, blue, and even white.” Earth answered the small moon. 

“When you think about it, this is the only time that we really see the Earth’s magnetic field. It’s one of the reasons why life on Earth has been able to persist for 4 billion years.” Brian was staring up at the green light show again. “In a sense, that’s the reason you exist.”

“It’s not the reason I exist!” Venus snarked at the Earthling’s words. 

“It’s Earth’s magnetic field that protects our atmosphere from the ravages of the Solar wind, and that protective shield has its origins deep in the planet’s interior.”

Oh great, they have made that connection, Mars sighed to himself, why are they so noisy. 

“Thousands of kms down, below my feet (actually below your feet now) is the Earth’s outer core, which is a seething mass of molten iron.” 

“Have they actually drilled that deep?” Jupiter sounded faintly worried at the prospect.

“No, not yet. They haven’t even gotten into my mantle yet.” Earth assured the giant. “They use special devices to work out what my core looks like though!”

“Convection currents cause the molten…” He explained how the rising and spinning of the outer core acts as a dynamo. “...a dynamo generates a magnetic field. And the Earth’s field rises up, not just to the surface here, but out into space, forming our protective shield.”

“That sounds like fun! A giant spinning magnet!” Neptune laughed at the idea.

“We have one too, all the gas planets do!” Uranus snapped at his fellow ice giant, who simply smiled at him.

“I know!” The deep blue planet did not elaborate, much to his neighbour's’ irritation. 

“And that is what you see there!” Brian turned to point at the faint green light above him in the sky.

“And just like Earth, ancient Mars was also shielded from the Sun.” The screen showed a red-blue Mars, ringed at both poles with blue aurora. “Aurora once danced above its poles, keeping guard over the Martian atmosphere and seas below.”

“Wow! Our planet is the best!” Deimos and Phobos proceed to jump on the red planet, who, caught off guard, almost dropped them.

“Calm down guys, I don’t have them anymore, you don’t need to get excited.” Mars said quietly as he rearranged the moons on his lap.

“Just cause you don’t have them any more doesn’t mean they weren't awesome!” Phobos exclaimed, reaching up to hug his planet around the neck. Mars just hummed in faint agreement, enjoying the distraction from the screen for a bit.

“But between 3.5 and 4 billion years ago, Mars’ dynamo switched off.” The image of Mars’ blue aurora began to fade. “The aurora surrounding the poles slowly faded away, as the magnetic field diminished.”

Mars felt his surface burn with embarrassment. The cooling of his outer core was always a source of shame for the red planet. While he definitely wasn’t the only planet with a cooled outer core, the fact that it had happened so quickly compared to his neighbour, and stripped him of his auroras and atmosphere, was a horrible way to be singled out. 

“Aww, why’d they go?” Deimos asked, while Phobos just continued to hug the red planet.

“I’m sure the Earthling will explain in a bit.” Luna, who had seemingly noticed Mars’ reluctance to say anything, had come over to their bean bag.

“Allowing the atmosphere to be stripped away by Solar wind.” The planet was now rendered brown and white as the seas disappeared and ice formed. “Without protection, seas evaporated, the surface froze, and Mars was transformed.”

“Did it strip all of your atmosphere?” Mercury asked in curiosity. 

“No, not all, but most of it.” Mars reluctantly replied, “I think only 1/10th is left at the moment.”

‘Earth, 3.5 billion years ago’ faded onto screen by the young planet. “At the same time, the fortunes of Mars’ sister world were about to take a very different turn.”

“This episode loves dancing between you two.” Uranus commented, “It didn’t finish explaining why Mars’ dynamo turned off!”

“It’ll get back ‘round to it!” Neptune’s bubbly voice replied, “They just love a good cliff-hanger!”

“For the next billion years or so, Earth is indistinguishable from the landscapes of early Mars, barren continents surrounded by oceans.” Brian was walking along a green, rocky terrain. “But in Earth’s oceans, life was beginning to transform the planet. Primitive algae started to neutralize the oceans’ acidity, and replaced the dense red fog of Earth’s methane-rich atmosphere with oxygen.”

“It’s amazing what a few bits of slimy life can accomplish.” Saturn smiled, seemingly oblivious to the offended look Earth was sporting.

“Nah, Saturn’s right, the mold looks beautiful, Earth.” Venus laughed at the living planet. Earth replied with a childish Earthling gesture Mars didn’t recognise.  

“Around 6 hundred million years ago, that oxygen rich atmosphere allowed complex life to evolve in the oceans, colonize the land, and ultimately produce this almost infinitely rich, living world today.” The Earthling said with awe in his voice as the camera showed fish and creatures Mars didn’t recognise. “Of which we are a part.” 

“This documentary was clearly aimed at other Earthlings, but it is a bit annoying that they feel the need to keep emphasizing that point.” Mercury sighed in irritation. 

“I think it’s cute. It’s like they have to keep reminding each other or they’ll somehow forget.” Luna smiled with a laugh, receiving a playful shove from his planet for the comment.

“While Mars died, Earth flourished.”

“Quit telling everyone I’m dead!” Mars snapped with exasperation. For some reason, this comment sent Earth into a giggling fit. 

Just as Earth was beginning to calm down so the documentary could continue, Luna leaned into his planet’s ear and whispered, “Sometimes I can still hear his voice.” This reignited the giggling fit, unfortunately.

“To understand why the two sisters had such different destinies, you have to go right back to the time the planets were forming.”

“Yay, more baby pictures.” Uranus said with mock enthusiasm. 

“Maybe they’ll show our baby pictures one day!” Proteus exclaimed from Neptune’s side. While his planet smiled a bit sadly at the idea, Triton looked vaguely ill. I don’t know what that’s all about, and I don’t think I want to know!

“When Mars and Earth were born, the Solar System was a chaotic vortex…” The explanation of planets forming from the dust and rock, into larger bodies that could survive the impacts played over a visual of the early Solar System. “...including the embryonic planets, Earth and Mars.”

“Aw, I remember how cute all of you were! So tiny and sweet and NOT LEAVING YOUR ORBITS!” The Sun exclaimed. Mars decided the star’s memory was definitely faulty. We may not have deliberately left our orbits, but we were constantly getting hit by stuff and crossing into each other's orbits, Mars recalled sadly, Theia’s fate being case and point.

“But there was one crucial difference between the young planets.” Brian explained carefully.  “Mars formed in a region of the Solar System with considerably less rocky material, and that had a profound impact on the planet’s growth.”

Jupiter flinched at the Earthling’s words, though Mars couldn’t imagine why. Maybe a bad memory? He was basically watching us the entire time while we formed.

“So both Mercury and Mars were doomed to be uninhabitable because of size?” Ganymede asked in confusion. “How are any moons supposed to support Life in the future if being bigger than Mars is a requirement?”

“Mars lost his protective shield, whereas you are covered by Jupiter’s, and my moons are covered by mine!” Saturn tried to explain when Jupiter didn’t step in. The largest gas giant seemed caught up in his mind.

“Mars is a significantly smaller world, it’s about half the diameter of the Earth, and that makes all the difference.”

“Ugh, more of this ‘size = importance’ nonsense,” Europa whined, “It doesn’t matter that much!”

“When it comes to keeping a planet’s core from cooling, it kinda does actually.” Callisto snarked back at her fellow Galilean moon. 

“Although the details are not yet fully understood, it seems clear that Mars’ smaller size meant that its dynamo switched off many billions of years ago.” A shot of Mars’ aurora fading appeared on the screen. “Being smaller meant that Mars’ core cooled more quickly than Earth’s. And this is certainly part of the reason why Mars lost its magnetic field.”

Mars did not like this documentary airing out his business like this. He’d never really told anyone about his cooling core before, and now everyone he knew just heard about it. His embarrassment must have shown in his body language, as Mercury sent him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry about it, Mars, my core is cooling as well, it’s just something that happens to rocky planets.” 

“Pipsqueak’s right. My core doesn’t even move enough to produce a magnetic field.” Venus, uncharacteristically, added to the smallest planet’s attempt at comfort. “If anything, Earth is the weird one for still having a molten outer core.”

“Hey!”

“Even though the planet is further away from the Sun than we are, that meant that the Solar winds stripped away its atmosphere and Mars died.” Brian was sitting on a rocky hillside. “So, even though Earth and Mars are so similar in so many ways, the difference in position and size in the Solar System lead to very different fates.” 

“Another tally for the ‘dead Mars’ counter!” Venus laughed, “How many is that now?”

“Too many.” Mars sighed, hoping this episode would be over soon. He wanted to see what the gas giants’ episodes would be about. 

“It is kind of wild how much size and location seems to impact what happens to a planet.” Luna put in, watching the screen. “It would be interesting to see what happens to other rocky planets, in other star systems.”

“Most star systems I’ve heard of tend to only have a few planets, and most are gas giants like Jupiter.” The Sun added thoughtfully, then said, “Either way, you can’t visit any, because that would mean LEAVING YOUR ORBIT!”

“Long ago, two sister worlds were born. In childhood, Mars was warm and wet, whilst the Earth was inhospitable and toxic.” 

“Why are they suddenly framing this as a storybook?” Earth asked, tilting his head at the screen. “And why are they making me the evil sister.”

“Because you are.” Venus joked, then asked, “What’s a storybook?”

“Never mind.”

“Both young planets survived the violence of the Late Heavy Bombardment, emerging as mature worlds primed with all the ingredients for Life”

“Sorry about that, again.” Neptune piped up nervously, “I…I didn’t know my migrating orbit would cause that.”

“Well, if these Earthlings are right, the Bombardment might have actually helped Life.” Jupiter spoke up, “Maybe our Solar System wouldn’t have life at all if you hadn’t moved your orbit.”

Neptune did not seem partially comforted by this framing of the situation. Neither did Uranus, if the glare he threw Jupiter’s way was anything to go by.

“But deep inside, the smaller of the two was dying. Mars’ seas dried up.” The surface of the red planet slowly lost its water. “And as the planet’s interior cooled, one by one, the fires went out.”

“Olympus Mons, the largest volcano in the Solar System, last erupted around 24 million years ago.” The lava running down from the volcano cooled and hardened. “As the lava turned to stone, Mars was frozen in time.”

“As lovely as this dramatic framing of the situation is, I really don’t want to be called dead for the 700th time today.” Mars grumbled.

“Yeah! Our planet isn’t dead!”

“And so, today, the surface lies rusted and gathering dust.”

“Well, now they’re calling you dusty, is that an improvement?” Earth teased, leaning over to see Mars’ reaction. The red planet smiled at his friend, glad that he hadn’t been treating him differently since the revelation. I’ll pull him aside for a talk after this ends…maybe with Venus and Mercury too.

“But that might not be the end of Mars’ story.” The screen showed various Earthlings getting ready to test spacecraft.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Because the next generation of spacecraft are already on their way…” Brian showed a range of spacecraft being tested for Mars. NASA Orion, ESA Exomars, and SpaceX. “...developed to take humans to the surface of Mars.”

Mars watched in horror as various Earthling machines were being launched into test flights or packed full of astronauts. Astrodude was bad enough, this feels like an invasion.  

“Sorry dude, looks like they really want to land on you.” Earth commiserated. 

“Mars is, in a sense, a failed world. A faded ember etched with the memories of a more enticing past.”

“A fail-A FAILED WORLD!” Mars snapped in outrage, “These Earthlings are impertinent little creatures. Why do they want to land on me so badly if they spend half their time insulting me.”

“That’s Earthlings for you. I gave up trying to understand them ages ago.” Luna sighed, watching the screen with trepidation.

“But, there may have been, and may still be, life on Mars.” Brian was once again sitting on a rocky cliff face. “And the discovery of a second Genesis in our Solar System would have profound philosophical, scientific, and cultural consequences.”

“They balance a lot of things on being the only Life in the Solar System, if finding that out would impact them that much.” Jupiter mused thoughtfully as the Earthling explained.

“It is actually that important to them, they base so many religions and beliefs on it. I think they’d implode if they found Life on Mars.” Earth laughed, though the rest of the Solar System just looked mildly disturbed.

“Because it would mean there was a sense of inevitably about the origin of Life.” Mars watched as the Earthling continued on about life on his surface. “And that would mean the Universe is most likely teeming with Life, that we are not alone.”

“They sound so lonely.” Naiad, one of Neptune’s little moons, mumbled. “They really want other Life to be friends with.” 

Neptune smiled at his moon kindly. “I’m sure they’ll find others, the universe is massive! It just might not be in our Solar System.”

“Well, I hope they don’t have to wait too long!” Proteus piped up next to his planet.

“But equally importantly, I think, is the role that a planet with a history like Mars could play in our future.”

“Here we go. Colonization of Mars time.” Mercury commented while the screen showed Mars’ surface.

“Mars is rich in resources. It has a vast reservoir of frozen water below the surface, and minerals.” The form of the red planet hung in the dark void of the screen. “Iron, hydrogen, carbon, oxygen, all the things you need to support civilization.”

And they’ll drain me like they drained the Earth. 

“I think they’ve skipped a few necessary requirements for a good planet to live on.” Venus snarked, “Like a functional atmosphere and a lack of massive amounts of radiation.”

“They’ll work it out, they’re way too smart not too.” Earth sounded resided to this fact, something that frustrated the red planet to no end.

“And that’s why I think, in my lifetime, there will be Martians, but the Martians will be us.” Brian implored towards the camera, excited. “We will go to Mars, and make it our home. And that old red world will be our first step beyond the cradle and out to the stars.”

“Well that sounded like a threat.” Uranus spoke up into the silence at the end of the episode.

The other planets, dwarf planets, and moons began talking amongst themselves, waiting for the next episode to start. Mars stood up and stepped towards the Earth’s bean bag, gesturing for his moons to wait for him.

“Hey, Earth, can I speak to you for a bit? Before the next episode starts.” Mars asked, oddly nervous now that he was speaking to his friend without the documentary in front of them. “You too, Luna. You both should hear this.”

“Um, sure!” Earth stood up as well, followed by his moon. “I don’t know if we’ll find anywhere private to speak though, this place is kind of packed.”

Mars thought for a second, then said, “Let's go to the front corner, so we don’t disturb the dwarf planets at the back.” 

When the three celestials arrived at the corner, away from the main noise of the room, Mars noticed that Mercury and Venus had also followed them. Now with all the rocky planets, plus Luna, arranged in a huddle, Mars was suddenly deeply unsure of what to say.

“We need to talk…about everything.” Mars started, meeting the Earth’s questioning stare. “If we’re really going to try to be better at communicating with each other and being friends, we need to talk about the stuff that came up over the last two episodes.”

“I agree, we should all clear the air before the documentary moves on.” Mercury nodded, “Anyone want to go first?”

When none of the rocky celestials stepped up, Mercury squared his shoulders and began. 

“Very well, I’ll start. I still don’t know what to think of the Earthlings’ theory of my formation. It sounds plausible, but it is upsetting to think I could’ve been a very different planet.” The smallest planet confessed. “I don’t like the jokes about my size, and I would prefer if you guys at least didn’t make them, even if the others still might.”

The circle all nodded, acknowledging Mercury’s request, even Venus. Mars wasn’t sure how long this pact would last but progress was progress. All eyes turned to Venus.

“Really, we’re going in orbit order? Ok, fine.” The cloudy planet sighed, then began, “You all already know I don’t like my surface and hide my atmosphere. It wasn’t nice to get it repeated to me by one of Earth’s lice. I know I’m uninhabitable, they don’t need to be analysing why!”

“True, but I think they’re just curious. They don’t know we are sentient.” Luna, who looked a little startled to have spoken at all, piped up. 

“I’ll be perfectly honest, I don’t care. If I’m not mad at them, I’ll just be mad at someone else.” Venus admitted, frowning to himself.

“Thank you for sharing, Venus. Is there anything you’d like us to do to help?” Mercury, the local therapist apparently, added.

“Just don’t joke about that stuff, I guess.” The cloudy planet replied dismissively.

“Ok, Earth’s turn next. Luna, you can join in too, if you’d like?” The smallest planet kept the talking circle going.

“Oh, um, I guess I should just be out with it.” Earth hesitated, before pushing onwards. “I’m angry and hurt that you guys kept that information from me. Luna and I had a right to know.”

Mars shamefully turned to Venus, trying to think of what to say without looking at Earth’s eyes. Venus seemed equally reluctant to have this conversion.

“Of course you did, both of you. And I’m sorry, for all of it.” Mars began, glancing at Venus for help, “We should have told you, probably from the start.”

“I think it was just easier for us to pretend it didn’t happen.” Venus took up the apology, which Mars was grateful for. “We lost two good friends, and you two didn’t wake up for quite a while. I didn’t want to dredge everything back up.”

“Thank you for apologising.” Luna said, glancing at his planet, who seemed to be thinking their words over. Earth moved to speak, then halted, only to be nudged by Luna. 

“Yeah, like Luna said, thanks.” Earth seemed to pause in thought, debating with himself. “I have questions, though. I think hearing her name triggered something. I keep seeing and hearing planets I don’t recognise.”

Mercury and Luna looked distressed by this admission, and honestly Mars wasn’t too thrilled about it either. Just hearing her name caused all that? We really messed up…

“Obviously, I can’t know for sure, but you’re probably hearing Theia and Proto.” Mars speculated, not knowing any other planets it could be.

“Proto? Was there another rocky planet we didn’t know about?” Luna asked, confused.

“No, Proto was Earth’s name, before. Though how much of you is actually him is debatable. You don’t act much like him.” Venus replied to the distressed moon, glancing at the planet in question.

“Ok, let me get this straight,” Earth put in, sounding overwhelmed. “I’m hearing and seeing the planets that collided to make me and Luna? Why isn’t Luna also hearing things? What were they like? Did they want Life, cause it sounds like only Theia did? I don’t even know what to ask you guys! Is it too much to ask for things to be calm in this Solar System for a century at least?”

The other rocky planets took a reluctant step back from the distressed planet, not sure how to help. Mars didn’t know how to answer most of those questions, never mind the rhetorical ones. Luna looked on the verge of tears, reaching out to grip his planet’s hands and pull them towards the moon. Earth froze, not wanting to pull away from his upset satellite, but still unable to calm down.

“Breathe.” The grey moon said, repeating the word while his planet began to obey the request. As the Earth calmed down, Mars desperately tried to think of what to say. What can I say that’ll fix this mess? 

“Anyway, we-we should move on.” Earth, still gasping slightly, waved towards Mars. “It’s Mars’ turn.” Luna frowned at this, opening his mouth to protest, before his planet added just to him, “Later, I promise.” 

Luna didn’t look pleased about this, but relented, staying stuck to their planet as the meeting continued. 

“Um…” Mars didn’t know what he had any need to complain about. Sure, it wasn’t nice to be under the microscope of the Earthlings, but they hadn’t uncovered anything he didn’t already know. “I guess I’m not looking forward to the Earthlings landing on me? It wasn’t nice having everything revealed to the whole Solar System.”

The other celestials all nodded in agreement. In the background, Mars could see the rest of the Solar System returning slowly to their seats.

“I’m also quite worried about the next episodes. If the last two are any indication, there’s going to be a lot of emotions.” The red planet fretted. 

“Well, we can all at least rely on each other. Now that we’ve cleared the air a bit, we can enjoy not being the subjects of the episodes for a bit!” Mercury smiled hopefully at his fellow rocky worlds. They returned the smile with one of their own, and got up as a group to return to their seats.

Chapter Text

As all his planets, dwarf planets, and moons settled back down to continue watching the strange screen, Sol noticed that his largest planet, Jupiter, was looking oddly nervous. The gas giant was speaking quickly and quietly with Saturn, but the occasional glance over at the star told him he was likely the subject of conversion. Sol struggled to see why this would be, he had not forced or caused their current circumstance, and he hadn’t even said much during this odd activity. Usually I at least know why my planets are upset with me, even if it’s often silly.

The star sighed to himself, settling back into the ‘bean bag’ as Earth had called it, resided to watching more of this documentary. Sol desperately wished he knew who that mysterious figure who trapped them here was, and how they overpowered him. I am a star, beholden to no one.

The third episode of the documentary opened to the same shot of a probe leaving Earth, before cycling through a slideshow of each planet, names displayed on the screen, while music played (The Void- by Muse). After Neptune had faded from the screen, the music grew more intense as images of asteroid impacts, planet collisions, storms, and satellite destruction appeared on the screen. It ended with an edit of the planets and a screen titled ‘The Planets’.

Though he’d seen the title screen before, Sol still enjoyed the little slideshow of his largest satellites. The Earthlings made them all seem so mysterious and dangerous, it was almost funny.

“Beyond the inner Solar System, past the asteroid belt, lies Jupiter.” The episode began with a close-up shot of Jupiter’s clouds, before panning out to show ‘Jupiter, 780 million km from the Sun’ next to the planet.

“You’re looking good there, big guy.” Ganymede, one of Jupiter’s little moons, complemented. Sol could admit it was nice to see the colourful clouds of his largest planet so clearly. Unfortunately for Ganymede, Jupiter didn’t seem to hear his words.

“The largest of the planets is a giant swirling ball of gas.” Brian was speaking calmly as the camera floated above the surface of the planet.  “Its marbled appearance, generated by violent winds that rage through its clouds.”

“Is this going to be a whole episode on just Jupiter?” Mercury asked. 

“Maybe? The last two had multiple planets, though.” Earth replied speculatively. 

If this was a whole episode on Jupiter, Sol was curious about what the Earthlings had discovered. The last few discoveries had been either things so small he’d not noticed them, or things he preferred to keep in the past. But my gas giants are far older and further away, the Sun mused, I might have missed some major things.

“Jupiter is a world as strange as it is remote.” The Earthling was now wandering down a barren path in the middle of seemingly nowhere. “If you fly upwards, only about 100 km or so, you reach the edge of our atmosphere and the blackness of space. It’s really not that far.”

“But, once you’re in space, the distance scales are incomprehensible.” Walking towards the camera, the Earthling was clearly trying to impart the vastness of these numbers to his audience. “Venus, the closest planet, is 40 million km away. Jupiter, around 650 million km. It takes our fastest spacecraft years to get there.”

“I always considered Jupiter to be pretty close to us, but I guess from an Earthling perspective, he’s quite far.” Mars muttered.

“They haven’t even gotten to you yet, Mars, of course Jupiter is unimaginable to them.” Venus put in with a dismissive tone.

“So, the idea that those planets could have any influence on us, here on Earth, seems fanciful.” The Sun wasn’t sure where the Earthling was going with this, and then he got more confused as he continued. “And, indeed, if you’re talking about your chances of meeting a handsome stranger, or your life plans requiring a moderate re-configuration about a week on Wednesday, then you would be right.”

The rest of the room seemed equally confused by the direction the Earthling went with that sentence. Puzzled gazes passed between them, before Luna suddenly gasped, “Is he going on about that future-telling stuff you mentioned once? The one with Zodiacs?”

“Oh! I forgot they still did that stuff.” Earth laughed, then explained, “Some humans think they can predict the future based on where the stars and planets were when they were born. It’s not terribly precise, though.” 

Sol didn’t understand any of that, but nodded politely with the rest of the celestials, not caring to question it further. Earth’s little creatures are so odd sometimes.

“However, if you ask more profound questions, deep questions, like why is the Earth the way that it is?”

“I ask that every day-” Luna sighed dramatically, only to be shoved off the bean bag by his planet. The little moon exclaimed in mock outrage before shoving right back into his previous space. The rest of the rocky planets appeared to be stifling laughter.

“Why is there life on Earth? Why do we exist at all? Then it turns out planets, and Jupiter in particular, have had a profound effect.” The screen cut from Brian to a dark storm cloud.

“Did Jupiter r-really have that much of an impact on the E-earthlings?” Io asked his fellow moons. 

“I guess he must have. The Earthlings have been right so far.” Callisto replied in a monotone voice. 

“Early in its life, the young Jupiter went on the rampage.” The clouds parted to reveal a glimpse of a young Jupiter, then cut to an asteroid streaking through its atmosphere only to disintegrate. “The giant planet embarked on a voyage of destruction across the Solar System that transformed the destiny of the planets, and the course of Life on Earth.”

Sol felt immediate confusion. While Jupiter had been more rebellious when he was younger, the Sun could not recall anything that could be described as a rampage. Jupiter was one of his most reliable planets, in fact.

As the star turned to ask Jupiter if he knew anything about this, he saw that his largest planet had his eyes squeezed shut, blocking out the screen and the room around him. Trepidation circled Sol’s core. What is going on?

“Destruction? I don’t remember anything like that?” Mars asked, to no reply.

The screen hard-cut to the Chicxulub meteorite slamming into the Earth, dinosaurs visible on the screen.

The abrupt transition startled the room. Earth froze, as Sol had expected, and his moon had a similar expression of shock. The dinosaurs had been a delicate conversion topic ever since their extinction. 

“Was that Earth?” One moon, Titaina, asked her planet. Uranus looked uncertain about whether to answer. Sol doubted the ice planet even knew all that much about the whole event.

“I believe so…I think we’re a bit far out to hear about this stuff.” The pale ice giant told his moon.

“The Earthlings looked cool!” Ariel added quietly.

The brief glimpse of the dinosaurs stirred nostalgia in the star. They were much less annoying than the Earthlings he’s got at the moment at least.

“Jupiter is the Godfather of the planets. Understand it, then you understand how the Solar System came to be.” The screen cut to black. The text ‘The Godfather, Jupiter’ faded into view.

“Interesting choice of title, straight after the dinosaurs.” Mars muttered, glancing at his friend, who was still looking put off by the previous scene.

“I apologise again, Earth, for missing that meteorite.” Jupiter spoke up solemnly, turning towards the rocky planet in question. 

“I..I know Jupiter, you already apologised a bunch when it happened.” Earth began hesitantly, then sighed. “It just caught me off guard, seeing the impact again.”

Away from the rocky planets, beside Jupiter, Sol could hear his moons excitedly discussing the title.

“I wonder what it means? Isn’t ‘father’ an Earthling concept?” Thebe asked the larger moons. 

“I-I guess it must-t be.” Io speculated, “W-we’ve been called gods before. G-Ganymede is named after one!”

“It doesn’t matter what it means to the Earthlings, it sounds cool and awesome.” Ganymede exclaimed with pride.

“On Earth, we can see glimpses of Jupiter’s power,” The Earthling was walking up a slope in a desolate area. “In the scars it’s left on the face of the planet.” A wide, deep crater stretched out before him.

“Is that from the dinosaur extinction?” Mercury asked, staring at the large crater. 

“No, that was ages ago. This one was more recent and wasn’t as big, luckily.” Earth replied, watching the screen with curiosity. Sol supposed he didn’t often get to look at his own surface much. 

“Looks pretty big to me.”

“This is the famous Barringer meteor crater in Arizona.” Brian began to explain the crater in detail. “It is about a km across, 170m from the rim to the crater floor. And it was created about 50 thousand years ago, when a meteorite 50m across entered the Earth’s atmosphere, traveling at about 13 km per second. That means it would have taken around, what, 7 seconds to get from the top of the atmosphere to the bottom of the ground.”

“I always forget how tiny these Earthlings really are, until they start saying ‘100m’ is large.” Saturn mused out loud. 

“That’s true, even Aegaeon is larger than that.” Titan said to his planet, seemingly looking for a sign of recognition at the name. When he received only a blank look, Titan sighed. “Your smallest moon, Aegaeon?” 

“Oh! Of course, Aegaeon!” The gas giant turned to face a group of his moons, pointing at a small one. “Is that you?”

“No, Saturn.” Titan sighed, pointing out a moon on the opposite side of his planet. Sol couldn’t help but find the whole display odd. Why doesn’t Saturn know all his moons? And why is he relying on Titan to point them out?

“And it hit with such force that the energy released was equivalent to 10 megatons of TNT, and that is a very large nuclear bomb.” The music picked up as the camera swung around the vast crater. 

“Ouch.” Callisto atoned in her usual monotone. 

“What’s a nuclear bomb?” Phobos asked, leaning over Mars to stare at the living planet. Said planet seemed to struggle for a way to explain it.

“The Earthlings worked out a way to cause the kinds of reactions that happen in the Sun, just much smaller and on command.” Jupiter volunteered, earning a grateful glance from Earth. “They have only used them a few times, because they’re so destructive.”

“Do they hurt?” Deimos asked, also jumping over his poor planet.

“Um, yeah. But they harm my Earthlings much more. They leave behind lots of harmful radiation.”

“The meteorite that hit the Earth here is thought to have come from the asteroid belt…” The Earthling briefly explained what the asteroid belt is. “...and it was deflected from its orbit, most likely, by the gravitational influence of Jupiter.”

“Damn dude, you’re still throwing rocks at us?” Mars asked incredulously, with a small laugh. Jupiter didn’t seem to pick up on the unserious nature of the question.

“I don’t intend to, and I certainly try not to.” Jupiter hastened to explain. “I can’t be at all parts of the asteroid belt at once.” 

“Hey, it’s ok, big guy.” Mars frowned in confusion at the gas giant’s response. “It was a joke.”

“Jupiter is a completely different class of planet to the Earth.” The dramatic music played over a series of shots of Jupiter hanging in space. “A gas giant. A swirling ball of hydrogen and helium, so large you could fit 1,300 Earths inside.”

“That’s such an Earthling unit of measurement.” Neptune laughed. “Wouldn’t it be funny if we measured ourselves that way! Hi, I’m Neptune, I can fit 57 Earths inside me.” The rich blue ice giant laughed at his own statement for a bit too long, in Sol’s opinion. I really should stop leaving him on his own, he’s gone space-mad.

“That just makes you sound tiny compared to Jupiter, mate.”

“Jupiter can exert such a powerful influence on the asteroids because it’s so massive.” Brian was still sitting at the edge of the crater, watching the sunset. “It’s about 2.5x the mass of all the other planets, moons, and asteroids in the Solar System combined, and therefore it has a strong gravitational pull.”

“Wow! What did I tell you guys, the biggest planet in the Solar System!” Ganymede puffed up, grinning at his fellow jovian moons. 

“That doesn’t help you. You’re still less than half the diameter of the Earth.” Callisto snarked back.

“W-well it i-is interesting t-to know!” Io spoke up, stalling the brewing argument. “I did-dn’t know he was larger than everyone else combined! X2!”

“Not everyone!” The Sun grinned widely at the moons, who for some odd reason, backed away. Strange little guys.

“And this means that Jupiter exerts an influence across the entire Solar System, second only to the Sun.” The Earthing explained excitedly. “And that influence does far more than create the odd crater. It can change the history of worlds.”

“He sounds way too happy about Jupiter having so much power over his own planet.” Luna muttered to Earth.

“I think we’ve already established that this particular human is a bit strange.” The living planet replied with a grin.

“At least he remembers who’s really the biggest!” Sol crowed, satisfied that the Earthling wasn’t ignoring his superiority. 

“To understand how Jupiter rose to such dominance, you have to go back to a time before the Solar System even existed.”

“Star baby pictures?” Uranus frowned, tilting his head at the screen. “They really are going to show this for every single one of us, aren't they.”

Oh…this isn’t what I meant by ‘don’t ignore me’. The Sun wanted to look away from the screen, reluctant to see just how much of his formation the Earthlings knew about, but his eyes remained glued to it.

‘5 Billion years ago’ appeared over a background of nebular clouds, with one large star flickering erratically before bursting into a supernova.

Well, they got that part right, Sol grimaced, still able to recall the painful shock of the explosion, and how far it pushed him from the other stars.

“Was that a star?” Nereid asked innocently, looking in wonder at the supernova. 

“Yeah, a big one! Big stars sometimes put on a show like that!” Neptune sanitized the explanation for his small moon. Others in the room exchanged glances, deciding not to correct the ice giant. It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m…too small to go nova, let alone supernova.  

“Nearly 5 billion years ago, a distant exploding star sent a shock wave across the galaxy.” The shock wave was headed towards a nebular cloud at a rapid pace. “Causing the cloud of gas and dust that would become our Solar System to collapse.”

“Exploding star?” Another of Neptune’s little moons gasped. Well, that lasted all of ten seconds.

While the deep blue ice planet quietly spoke to his moons, Sol glared at the screen. He could see the Earthing rendering of his proto-star form, pulsing with faint light. I guess they had to make me noticeable somehow.

“Do shock waves really cause new stars like that?” Europa asked sceptically, perched next to Ganymede on Jupiter’s large bean bag.

“They can do, but sometimes the gases collapse over time without a catalyst.” Sol decided to answer, as the resident expert on stars, and not wanting Jupiter to explain his own formation to him. Europa looked surprised at his answer, whether because of the contents or because he said it, Sol couldn’t tell.

“As the Sun began to form.” A faint red glow was seen within the collapsing clouds. “But further out, something else was growing.” The camera panned to the side.

“Wait, you two formed at the same time?” Mars asked in confusion.

Before Sol or Jupiter could reply, the dwarf planet Makemake piped up with an excited gasp.

“Wow! I imagine if there was  a lot more mass, you could’ve formed a binary star system!” Sol frowned at the interrupting little planet. He’d had similar thoughts in the past, but luckily Jupiter had not been about to gain enough mass, rendering him just a planet. A binary star system could never produce such a stable system, let alone a living planet!

“After 50 million years,” The red glow suddenly lit up with a zap, illuminating the clouds of dust. “The Sun’s nuclear furnace ignited.”

“It took that long to wake up?” Uranus asked, curious. 

“No, I was awake long before that, as a proto-star.” Sol explained, wanting to make it clear he had not formed at the same time as Jupiter. “My fusion reactions turned me into a main-sequence star.”

“The light of its first dawn, revealing Jupiter.” The young Jupiter was lit by the light of the new Sun. “The Solar System’s first world. A planet born so early, it swept up most of the material left over from the formation of the Sun.”

The Sun smiled at the unexpectedly warm memory. So much of his early Solar System had felt like mistake after mistake; but that first dawn, seeing someone else looking back at him, would always be special to the star. 

“What was he like, back then?” Sol heard Saturn ask quietly to Jupiter. Whatever Jupiter’s reply was, was far too faint for the star to pick up. The star suddenly felt a well of grief stir inside his core. I’ve changed so much, I’d be surprised if he even remembers. It was so much easier to be close to my planets in those days.

“Because of its dominance, Jupiter had a profound effect on the newly forming Solar System.” The Earthling was back at the cliff edge from the very first episode. “And paved the way for our living world to form.”

“How’d he have such an impact from all the way past the asteroid belt?” Phoebe piped up from her spot on the floor near her planet. Saturn didn’t seem to have an answer for the curious moon.

“This is a model of our Solar System…” Using various rocks, the Earthling made a rough model of the star system.  “...this has a pleasing, regular structure about it, all the rocky planets close to the star, the gas giants further out. And we thought that this must be the natural order of things, the way that Solar Systems have to form.”

“How come Mars’ rock was bigger than mine!” Venus exclaimed in outrage. Everyone ignored the cloudy planet in favour of the Earthling’s other words.

“Have they seen other planetary systems? Can we see them too?” Jupiter’s gaggle of moons asked excitedly. Even the rocky planets and gas giants looked interested in the Earthling’s line of questioning. Ungrateful, the lot of them. Half this room wouldn’t exist in other, poorly managed systems!

“Until, we started to detect planets around distant stars.” The camera was pointed directly into the Sun, and he was starting to see why people might get a headache looking at him.  “And then we found that this arrangement is not typical at all.”

“Are we really that odd?” Earth questioned, turning to Sol. The star thought for a moment, before replying.

“As far as I know. But, I can only see a few nearby planetary systems, and many more exist beyond that.” The Earth looked disappointed by this answer, so Sol decided to try and cheer him up.  “However, I have definitely never heard of a living planet in any one of them!”

“Our Sun is just one of around 300 billion stars in our galaxy, and almost every one of those stars is home to its own system of planets.” The screen showed a beautiful array of distant stars.

“It’s crazy that we never get to talk to any other systems, when there’s so many!” Neptune gasped, looking at the screen. “Even in my orbit, I never see other planets outside our system.”

Sol wanted to be angry at the planet. Why do they want to see other systems, isn’t mine more than enough? Instead, the sight on the screen filled his core with relief, relief that he at least had planets and thus someone to talk to. I can’t imagine being a lone star, with not a single celestial to keep me company. 

If the star had learnt anything, it was that while stars could ward off space-madness in others, it did not make them immune. I can’t even comprehend what black holes experience.

“In most other systems, the region where our planet orbits, is empty.” The screen showed Keid B, a large planet from the Eridanus constellation. “Instead, closer to the star, we see super-Earths, vast rocky planets many times bigger than our own.”

“Super-Earths?” Mercury questioned out loud. “Wouldn’t super-rocky planets be more accurate?”

“Probably, but you know what Earthlings are like, always gotta make it about their planet.” Venus snarked as the group watched the Exo-planet on screen. 

“That planet looks epic with all those clouds!” Ariel exclaimed, “How come we don’t have any big rocky planets?” 

“I think the documentary is trying to answer that at the moment, actually.” Titaina replied gently to her fellow moon.

“But crucially, these worlds are thought to have thick, toxic atmospheres, making them completely inhospitable to life.” The screen now passed Janssen, of the Cancer constellation. 

“So, most star systems don’t even have rocky planets anywhere near hospitable?” Saturn asked in confusion, “We had, like, three at one point, according to the Earthlings.” 

“It’s certainly a miracle we had so many chances to sustain Life at all.” Jupiter agreed, watching the screen warily for what the Earthling would say next.

“And that raises a very interesting question.” Now it was back to Brian the Earthling. “Why, then, is our Solar System the way that it is?”

“Because, you all… STAY IN YOUR ORBITS!” The Sun exclaimed, hoping this documentary would at least impart this onto them. The star was certain that other systems must have terrible orbit discipline. Why else would they be so different? 

“To answer that question, we’ve sent spacecraft to every one of the planets. And they’ve uncovered strange anomalies that reveal our Solar System’s past…” The Earthling recapped some of the previous discoveries, such as how much water Venus used to have, and how small Mars is, “...and in the asteroid belt, we’ve uncovered a graveyard of failed worlds, their growth mysteriously cut short.”

Jupiter looked suddenly far more queasy than before. Sol desperately tried to think back to the time before all the rockies had finished forming. Something happened…didn’t Jupiter used to orbit closer? His musing was cut off by Ganymede.

“A graveyard? Isn’t that an Earthling thing?” The moon asked, looking confused. “Why would there be one in the asteroid belt?”

“Graveyard is just a term for an area with lots of bodies, dead ones.” Luna corrected tersely, clearly not in the mood to educate the other moon. “They’re using a metaphor.”

Ganymede didn’t seem happy with his answer, but the glare Luna shot at him when he went to open his mouth again, stopped him in his tracks.

“To cause all these anomalies, it’s thought that something catastrophic must have happened very early in the Solar System’s history.” 

“Wait, they found a reason for why I’m smaller? I thought it was just bad luck.” The red planet sounded beyond confused, looking in Jupiter’s direction, hoping for answers. The gas giant just closed his eyes warily. What is going on?

“All the evidence suggests that around 4.5 billion years ago, Jupiter’s orbit began to change, triggering a period of unprecedented violence which completely transformed the face of the young Solar System.” The Earthling was standing on a rocky plateau. “And we know this because the marauding planet left a trail of destruction in its wake.”

The room was struck into silence at this statement. Sol was trying to piece together the events surrounding Jupiter’s orbit change. I told him to stay where he was, after he moved towards Saturn, going after those rocky planets. Was that what caused this destruction? 

“I don’t-t remember any orbit-t change?” Io asked with worry, “Do-o you, Callisto?” 

The heavily-cratered moon merely shook her head, watching her planet warily.

“Early in its life, Jupiter began to move inwards towards the Sun.” The screen was completely taken up by the surface of a young Jupiter. “And the effects of that journey can be seen to this day.”

Towards me? The star felt even more confused. Jupiter had been closer to him before, but Sol hadn’t noticed if he’d been getting closer. Maybe he was…maybe that’s why all those rocky proto-planets kept crashing? No, that didn’t seem right. He recalled Jupiter telling him that some of the proto-planets left the Solar System. And that other ice giant, Planet X. 

“Was this before X left?” Sol very calmly, thank you very much, asked his oldest planet. The gas giant wouldn’t meet his eyes. 

“I-I’m not sure, Sun.” He quietly admitted, “I don’t remember if my orbit was drifting before you sent me back.” 

Sol frowned. He couldn’t tell if his most trusted planet was even telling the truth anymore. This is getting much too confusing.

‘The asteroid belt, present day’ floated onto the screen as asteroids flew past. “In between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter lies the asteroid belt. A desolate wasteland of debris, leftover from the beginning of the Solar System.”

“Are they trying to suggest Jupiter made the asteroid belt?” Europa questioned incredulously. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe not, Europa, he is a big planet.” Ganymede muttered sullenly. “I don’t like to think it, but these Earthlings seem pretty convinced he did something at least.”

“Rocky bodies too small to be planets in their own right…” The camera tiled nauseously around Brian as he walked through a rocky part of Earth, explaining that the asteroid belt was actually quite sparse and small, only 4% of Luna’s mass and 8x further apart than Earth and Luna. ”...so I could stand on one of those large asteroids and look out into space, and my nearest neighbor would just be a dim star in the dark.”

“And this is the place Mars is so scared of?” Earth questioned doubtfully, grinning at his moon “It’s smaller than you!”

Luna didn’t seem to have a reply for their planet, frowning at the screen thoughtfully.

“But scattered amongst the rubble are objects that are far more than mere rocks.” A rocket launch appeared on screen. “In 2007, NASA’s Dawn mission was sent to explore the two largest objects in the asteroid belt.”

“I can’t believe we were able to hide most of the moons in the Solar System there.” Titan mumbled to himself. Sol wasn’t sure what the little celestial was muttering about, but it sounded like something he shouldn’t have missed. Too much goes on without my say or knowledge, these days.

“After a year in orbit around the giant asteroid Vesta, in March 2015, Dawn made its final approach on a body so large it makes up almost a third of the mass of the entire asteroid belt.” The Dawn probe flew past Vesta, then headed towards a dwarf planet. “Ceres.”

“I told you they were real!” Mars exclaimed so suddenly it startled even Sol. The red planet was glaring at his fellow rocky planets.

“Relax dude!” Venus hissed, then grinned. “That still doesn’t explain why you’re so scared of them.”

“Scared of them? Why?” Pluto, who up to this point had successfully blended into a dark corner with the other dwarf planets, suddenly spoke up. Behind the dwarf planet, a small body was trying to hide from the sudden amount of eyes in their direction. Ceres?

Sol had known there was a dwarf planet in the asteroid belt; how could he not, being so close to it. But, he had never properly seen or spoken to them. They seemed to avoid all other celestial bodies as a rule. However, the small planet now stood amongst the dwarf planets of the Kuiper belt, seemingly having a preference for their company rather than the gazes of the planets.

“Why is Ceres with you guys?” Earth asked, earning a glare from Pluto. 

“Maybe because you didn’t even think they existed? We found them hiding in the corner with us.” Pluto snapped, surprising Sol with his intensity. 

“We’ve been trying to understand who they are, since we’d never met them before!” Makemake added much more calmly, before holding up some paper. “They made us this lovely drawing.”

Sol couldn’t really tell what it was supposed to be, but he was never a very good judge of art.

“That’s not important.” Eris stepped forward, pushing down the paper slowly. “What is important, is why Ceres wasn’t known to all of you? The asteroid belt is small and relatively easy to navigate, but this dwarf planet can barely speak and is terrified of you!”

The rocky planets looked appropriately embarrassed and ashamed of this undressing from the dwarf planet, but Sol’s eyes were drawn to Jupiter. His largest planet looked like someone had ripped up a book in front of him. As he caught the gas giant’s eye, he tilted his head questioningly, hoping for some clarification. Jupiter offered nothing but a heartbroken expression. He’s keeping things from me! HIS OWN STAR! MY OWN PLANET!

Fuming, the Sun turned to the screen. If this traitor wishes to hide things, maybe the Earthlings can shed some light on the subject.

“On arrival, the first images Dawn sent back to Earth contained something entirely unexpected.” The satellite images showed odd spots of white on the dwarf planet’s surface. “Mysterious bright patches in one of Ceres’ largest craters.”

The dwarf planet in question seemed interested in the display of their surface on the screen, creeping forward with the gaggle of dwarf planets.

“Spectral analysis of the images showed that the patches were, in fact, the salty residue left behind by liquid water.” Brian explained as the Dawn probe continued to orbit. “Suggesting there must be large amounts of ice just beneath the crust. Dawn went on to discover over 300 bright spots all over the surface.”

“Water! Water.” The dwarf planet repeated, grinning maniacally at Pluto. The former planet merely smiled encouragingly. 

“And this means…” The documentary explained that Ceres’ has ice and an iron core. “...evidence that the dwarf planet is made up of multiple layers.”

“Why is that significant?” Uranus asked, looking confused by the whole situation. Sol had a horrible idea of why the Earthlings were bringing this finding to light. He told me…he told me they left!

“The interior of Ceres’ is like nothing else in the asteroid belt. The differentiation, that separation into layers, observed by Dawn, is more characteristic of a planet than an asteroid.” The nauseous spinning camera angle was back as the Earthling climbed a hill. “So, 4.5 billion years ago, Ceres was well on its way to becoming a fully-fledged world.”

“A planet? Ceres could’ve been a planet?” Haumea asked in wonder, nervously standing next to Eris. 

“We all could’ve been planets if we’d gained enough mass and cleared our orbits.” Eris muttered, then glared at Jupiter with surprising heat. “The real question is, why was Ceres’ growth stunted.”  

‘Ceres, 4.5 billion years ago’, faded onto the screen as a pale young planet appeared.

“It’s thought that in its infancy Ceres was very different…” Brian explained how the dwarf planet used to be covered in a thin sheet of ice over a vast amount of water. “...Ceres was once covered by a deep saltwater ocean.”

“Water!” Ceres cried again, pulling on Pluto, trying to get closer to the screen. The larger dwarf planet held still, reluctant to get closer to the mass of planets and moons near the front of the room. 

Europa separated herself from the galilean moons, stepping forward to meet Ceres with a smile. 

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you! You know, I have a water ocean under my surface as well,” The moon greeted, offering her hand to the dwarf planet. Ceres looked nervous at first, but a nod from Pluto sent them forward, gripping Europa’s hand. “We could be twins!”

Ceres looked pleased at this, and allowed Europa to guide them to a bean bag just behind the rocky planets. Pluto looked on nervously, before following along with the rest of the dwarf planets. Sol was just glad they’d stopped hiding in the corner.

“Before Ceres had reached its full potential, a great disturbance sent shock waves through what would one day become the asteroid belt and, and cut its development short.”

The room seemed to collectively glance at Jupiter, some reluctantly, some accusingly. The gas giant himself seemed to shrink under the gazes, ignoring even Saturn’s warmer gaze in favor of the floor. Heat rolled and sparked in Sol’s core, driving a frown onto his face. Why did he hide this? Why did he lie?

The Sun remembered the explanation Jupiter had given for his moving orbit. He’d wanted to believe that his planet wouldn’t lie to him, but clearly something else must have happened. His claim that some of the rocky planets ran away was clearly false, if the Earthlings were right about Ceres being a planetary embryo that got disrupted by his movements. 

‘The asteroid belt, 4.5 billion years ago’ appeared on the screen over a dark cloud.

“As Jupiter circled the young Sun, it started to clear a path through the gas and dust that shrouded the early Solar System.” The young Jupiter was gathering up the dust clouds around the Sun. “But that process caused it to do something alarming. 

“What really happened, Jupiter?” Sol asked coldly, glaring at his oldest planet. Before Jupiter could reply, the star snapped, “No, I don’t want to hear it! You’ll just lie to me again!”

Jupiter and Saturn exchanged uncertain looks, and Sol was suddenly reminded of Saturn’s own involvement in this lie. I’ve been taken for a fool!

“Gravitational interactions with the gas made the giant planet spiral inwards towards the Sun. Ploughing straight through the region of space that would become the asteroid belt, scattering the material from which Ceres would otherwise have grown.”

“Grown.” Ceres’ one word contribution to the tense silence seemed to further freeze the room. Europa had been joined by most of Jupiter’s moons at this point, sitting with the dwarf planets, just behind the rockies. Ganymede seemed to be struggling with where to go, his planet or his fellow galilean moons.

The ice giants and their moons appeared to be watching the room with interest, trying to see who would speak up first. Sat nearer to the front, the rocky planets didn’t seem to know where to look, constantly drawn to the sullen gas giant who had been their protector for so long. Stupid documentary, it’s breaking my whole fam-Solar System apart!

“Computer simulations of the early Solar System suggest that the asteroid belt once contained enough material to build a planet the size of the Earth.” The Earthling was still sitting on the hill, but now it was dark and lit by moonlight. “And perhaps that was Ceres’ destiny.”

“We could’ve had five rocky planets?” Mercury asked, then corrected, “Six, if we include Theia, I guess…” He trailed off nervously, clearly uncertain about mentioning her name.

“Probably more.” Sol interjected with a glare at Jupiter, recalling just how many rocky embryos he used to have.

“But, when Jupiter passed through, it scattered 99.9% of the material away, and Ceres’ fate was sealed.” The screen cuts back to the water world Ceres. “Within 100 million years, Ceres’ ocean froze and was buried beneath its crust. The young planet’s development cut short before it could fulfil its promise.” The dwarf planet was now frozen and covered in rock.

The burning in the star’s core was spilling over now, tearing at his sense of control. He lied. Why did I never notice? This betrayal was deep, ripping up parts of the Sun he hadn’t thought could be touched. How do I fix this? I can’t even punish him as long as we’re trapped here!

“Don’t worry, Ceres, you’ll always have a place with us dwarf planets!” Makemake patted the upset dwarf planet on the arm, smiling widely. “We can play Dungeons and Dwarf planets together!”

“But Jupiter’s reign of terror was far from over.” 

“What now? How much damage did he do?” Earth complained, shuffling uncomfortably in his seat. Luna, next to him, just sighed.

Sol was also reluctant to hear more. I don’t think I want to know. I just want this to end so I can think everything over.

“It would continue its journey inwards towards the place our planet was beginning to form, threatening the very existence of Earth.” Brian was now on an Earthling creation, floating across an ocean. “Jupiter had such an overwhelming effect on the young solar system because of its powerful gravitational field.”

“Why is the Earthling in the water?” Uranus asked, frowning at the screen. “What does that have to do with Jupiter destroying rocky planets.”

“I think he’s just moving to a different location, Uranus.” Titaina replied tiredly, watching the screen with trepidation.

“The effects of which we can still witness today.” The screen showed a cloud-capped volcano on Earth’s surface.

“Um…I don’t think Jupiter affects my volcanoes.” Earth muttered, frowning skeptical at the screen.

“That’s probably not what they’re trying to suggest.” Callisto spoke up, “But Jupiter’s gravity does affect his moons ’ volcanoes.”

The Earthling slowly climbed the volcano until he was at the caldera. “Juipter exerts its influence across the Solar System through its gravitational field-” Brian was cut off by a loud burst from the volcano, lava spewing up into the sky.

“Wooh! Lava!” Io gasped, excited suddenly. “It’s like m-my surface, only s-smaller and on E-earth!”

“I can’t believe you interrupted Brian like that.” Luna joked to his planet, who laughed lightly in response. 

“-which is by far the most powerful of all the planets, because Jupiter is the most massive of all the planets.” The Earthling continued to explain. “It’s about 320 times the mass of the Earth.”

“Back at it again with that measurement system.” Neptune piped up, “I feel like it would be hard to apply to the other rocky planets. Saying Hermes is 1/18 Earths is a bit silly!”

“What are you even going on about, mate?” 

“That’s why it was so destructive in the past.” The screen was mostly taken up by the smoke of the volcano he was standing near. “And we see the power of that gravitational field today in its influence on the closest of Jupiter’s largest moons, Io.”

“Oh! A-are they g-going to show me?” The volcanic moon sat up in anticipation, watching the screen intently. 

Sol wasn’t sure why the documentary was diverting from Jupiter’s crimes like this, but the star had no power to change it. I’ll have to corner him after this episode is over. I WANT ANSWERS!

‘Io, present day’ faded onto the screen over an image of a lava-filled plain.

“Yay! Io time!” The jubilant moon cried, followed by the excited chattering of the small moons of Jupiter, and surprisingly, Neptune. Sol, not for the first time, wondered why so many of the normally distant moons seemed so familiar with each other all of a sudden.

The star sighed. It’s probably something else I missed. While he could never say he’d rather be a planet or a moon, sometimes the freedom of movement they had stung jealousy. And, now with the betrayal of his oldest, most trusted planet, the star wasn’t sure where he could turn. Saturn was clearly aware of this already, and as much as he wanted to talk to the ice giants, he didn’t know them nearly as well as the other planets. The rocky planets were out of the question. Times like this, I wish I was in a binary star system. 

Conflicted and still smouldering, the Sun tried to re-focus on the screen. This will all be over, eventually. 

Chapter Text

Stood awkwardly between his planet and the other moons, Ganymede struggled to recall a time he ever felt smaller. All the secrets revealed in this silly Earthling documentary were conflicting with the image he’d held of Jupiter for so long. Even now, he couldn’t let go of his respect for the great gas giant, however tainted it was. The rest of Jupiter’s moons had followed Europa to the dwarf planets, and Ganymede knew he should follow them. But, as he took one look back at his planet, the moon was struck by a deep empathy. Didn’t I almost do the same thing, destroy defenceless lifeforms, for far pettier reasons. Ganymede wasn’t sure. The documentary had not explained why Jupiter did what he did, and since the Earthlings clearly did not consider them sentient, likely never would. I need to speak to Jupiter, get his side of the story.

But, that would have to come later, after the episode ended. With one last reluctant, apologetic glance at his planet, the moon skittered over to the other Galilean moons, settling next to Europa. The pale moon gave him a searching look, but Ganymede just smiled weakly at her. 

“Io is the most volcanic world in the Solar System.” The Earthling began. “Its surface is covered with hundreds of active volcanoes and lakes of molten lava.” 

“Yep, that’s m-me!” Io crowed, grinning at the screen. Ganymede was glad his fellow Galilean moon was getting some enjoyment out of this. Things were still awkward between the four of them, but it was still infinitely better than his current relationships with Titan, Luna, and most of the other traitors. 

“The largest, known as Loki Patera, is more than 200km in diameter.” The screen displayed various scenes of lava and eruptive bursts. “A million times the area of any lava lake on Earth.”

“Isn’t Loki a god to the Earthlings?” Luna asked his planet. Earth frowned in thought, then nodded.

“Yep! A trickster god, I believe.” The living planet replied, much to Io’s delight.

“R-really? That’s a-awesome!” Io turned his grin to Ganymede. “I-isn’t that c-cool!”

Ganymede nodded, trying to look as excited as his fellow moon, but his thoughts were still on Jupiter and the situation at hand. 

“Its surface tormented by waves of molten rock.” The music picked up as two streams of lava flowed into each other before skipping to show Io hanging before the mass of Jupiter. “Io is a vision of hell created by the moon’s proximity to Jupiter.”

“That’s a bit unnecessary.” Europa scoffed. Ganymede had to admit the Earthling was being a bit dramatic, but he could see why a creature so used to Earth’s specific climate might be put off by Io’s volcanoes. Just goes to show how pathetic they are.

“How does Jupiter cause all that?” Pluto, who Ganymede had almost forgotten was sitting near him, spoke up inquisitively. 

“I’m not sure, but I think the Earthling will explain!” Haumea replied, watching the screen with curiosity.

“Volcanism here on Earth is powered by the internal heat down below the surface.” Brian the Earthling was sitting beside the volcano he’d climbed up to, watching more bursts erupt from the top. “Now, much of that is residual heat left over from the Earth’s formation 4.5 billion years ago, about half of it, and the other half is down to radioactive decay of the elements around the Earth’s core.”

“Are you not cooling like the other rocky planets?” Titan asked, looking over at the Earth. 

“I am. Just much slower. My core is solid, for example, but my outer core is still molten, and radioactive decay and constant movement helps keep it warm.” The blue-green planet explained to the moon. Ganymede scowled, watching the two former enemies act like the Moon Revolution never happened, like their argument that sparked it all never took place. Titan always was a suck up to the planets.  

“Now, on Io it’s different. Io’s a much smaller world and so it didn’t retain much residual heat.” Brian spoke calmly. “So, there, the volcanoes are powered by a different process.” The small Earthling continued to explain. “It’s known as tidal heating.”

“Why is it called tidal heating? Isn’t that to do with water?” Mercury asked in confusion. 

“Not necessarily. I know they initially named a lot of things based off my effect on the tides on Earth.” Luna replied in his usual throaty tone, “I think they just found it easier to use the same word for all of it.”

“The energy that drives Io’s volcanism doesn’t come from heat stored within the moon.” The screen now showed the Sun rising over Earth’s small volcano. “It’s generated by gravity because Io orbits just 350,000km from the tops of Jupiter’s clouds.”

“Are you the closest to Jupiter, then?” Mars asked, looking back at Io. The yellow moon shook his head, and Europa replied.

“Nope! That’s Metis, she's the closest, and the fastest!” The pale Galilean moon pointed out the little moon, hidden amongst the others. Ganymede felt a flash of shame that he hadn’t known that fact about her.

“Io orbits at about the same distance from Jupiter as our moon orbits the Earth.” The Earthling was using his hands to visualise his words. “But because Jupiter is so much more massive, Io goes around much more quickly. In fact, it goes around once every 42 hours.”

“I love how excited he seems to be about describing all this.” Saturn said quietly, smiling softly at the screen. The ringed giant looked to his side, at Jupiter, seemingly for a reaction or comment. Ganymede would’ve told the gas giant not to bother, Jupiter was way away in his head, further than the moon had ever seen. Not unsurprising that he’s not listening to facts about his own moons.

“Now, if Io were Jupiter’s only moon, that orbit would be circular, but it isn’t.” The image showed both Io and Europa on screen, passing by Jupiter’s clouds. “The next moon out, Europa, goes round Jupiter precisely once for every two orbits of Io.”

“Hey, babe, looking good!” Ganymede complemented when the pale moon appeared next to Io. 

“Thanks, I can’t believe they’ve mentioned me twice now!” Europa seemed almost excited by this. Ganymede was feeling a bit left out. 

“Which means that every second orbit, Io and Europa fall into alignment.” Brian continued to speak over the images. “It’s what’s known as an orbital resonance.”

“Hey, Europa, why are you resonating with another moon?” Callisto asked sarcastically, monotone as ever. 

“I-it’s not like that!” Europa gasped in offense, “I can’t help it if Io’s half as fast as me!”

Callisto chuckled humourlessly, enjoying the pale moon’s defensive response. Ganymede just sighed. 

“That gives it a gravitational kick, and that moves Io’s orbit into an ellipse.” The screen was back with the Earthling now, still waving his hands around. “Now, that means that the gravitational forces on Io are constantly shifting and changing, and that stretches and squashes the moon and heats it up, by friction.”

“So, Europa is kicking you out of a circular orbit and causing you to get squished by Jupiter.” Titania didn’t seem terribly impressed with this. Io just gave her a wide smile. 

“I-it makes me u-unique at least!”

“Now, that is called tidal heating, and that is the origin of Io’s volcanoes.” Brian turned to watch Earth’s volcano burst one last time before the screen changed. “This process raises the temperature in Io’s interior, which would otherwise be frozen solid, to more than 1,000 degrees celsius, creating its lava lakes and powering immense volcanic plumes that rise up to 300km from the moon’s surface and out into space.”

“Wow! I didn’t know gravity could do that!” Proteus gasped from Neptune’s side. 

“Yeah, gravity can do a lot of things.” Triton muttered with an undertone of frustration.

“Does it hurt? All the squashing and squeezing?” Ariel, one of Uranus’ moons, asked the yellow moon.

“N-not much. It c-can be a bit u-uncomfortable, a-all the volcanic e-eruptions.” Io replied honestly.

“Io provides the Solar System with a vivid reminder of the giant planet’s power.”

“Like a morbid trophy.” Uranus muttered from his seat next to Neptune. 

“Nah. Like a really cool moon!” Neptune countered with a smile directed at Io.

“Jupiter’s intense gravitational field-” The Earthling was once again interrupted by the burst of the nearby volcano. “-is the source of Io’s volcanism today.” 

“You keep interrupting the poor guy,” Mars teased the Earth, “Very rude.”

“I’d like to see you control volcanic eruptions on your surface!” Earth responded confidently, “It’s not that easy.”

“Dude, you know I don’t have any hot magma in my crust, I can’t exactly test it.”

“My point exactly!”

“What point?”

Ganymede watched the childish squabbling with a scowl. These planets act like little moons. I see no reason why they’re more respected than us.

“But we don’t feel that gravitational pull here on Earth, because Jupiter is so far away, but 4.5 billion years ago, Jupiter was migrating towards the inner Solar System, approaching the region where Mars and Earth were forming.”

“Are we finally getting back to explaining this?” The Sun asked with anger boiling his tone. Ganymede rarely interacted with the star, but even he could tell the Sun was at his limit, and wasn’t looking forward to his inevitable explosion. 

“After passing through what would become the asteroid belt, Jupiter entered the inner Solar System, continuing its journey, spiraling towards the Sun.” The screen showed a young Jupiter clearing the clouds of rock and gases as he orbited closer to the star.

“I h-hope the E-earthlings actually h-have an e-explanation for this!” Io stuttered, looking worried. 

“We won’t get the full story till Jupiter tells it.” Callisto replied dryly, “They don’t think we’re alive, they’ll just have a scientific explanation.”

“Back then, the area where Mars and Earth orbit today was densely packed with gas and rock.” The rocks crashed and collided with each other. “But as Jupiter approached, it wrought havoc.” Rocks began falling into the Sun.

“I knew it! You caused those rocky planets to crash!” The Sun snapped, shouting in anger at the largest planet. “YOU TOLD ME THEY LEFT ON THEIR OWN!”

Jupiter had no reply for the star, just dipped his head in shame. This seemed to inflame the Sun’s temper even more, smoke billowing from his golden hair.

Just as Ganymede feared the room would spontaneously combust, the star seemed to deflate, simmering down to a flickering flame. Sounding more tired than he should for his years, the Sun hissed out a cold, “You lied to me,” before falling into a painful silence.

“Scattering the rocky material in all directions, some sent careering into the Sun, others thrown out into interstellar space.” The fates of the rocky material was displayed on screen in vivid detail. 

Watching the rocky material, and if the Sun was to be believed, planetary embryos, fall into the star’s heat or be sent deep into space was dampening the mood of whole room. The rocky planets in front of Ganymede fell quiet, gazing at the screen in horror. 

Ganymede didn’t know what to think. The actions seemed so at odds with the planet he’d known his whole life. Did I ever know him at all?

“And it’s this that may explain our Solar System’s unusual structure.” 

“How? I thought the odd bit was our lack of ‘super-Earths’, as they put it?” Uranus broke the silence with his question, startling the room out of their horror.

“Here’s the Solar System today!” The Earthling was excitedly sitting next to a collection of various sized rocks. “The Sun, the four inner rocky planets, the asteroids, and Jupiter.”

“H-he sure loves h-his rock m-models.” Io stuttered nervously, trying to gain a reaction from his fellow moons. Ganymede wanted to join in, but he struggled to find something to say that wasn’t screaming.

“It’s cute, in a silly, Earthling kinda way.” Europa added, sounding uncertain.

“And what we think may have happened is Jupiter made it inwards, through where the asteroids are, as far in as the orbit of Mars.” The Earthling began to play out his words by moving the rocks. “And that would have cleaned out quite a lot of the material in the inner Solar System, leaving less for the formation of the planets.”

“I don’t remember hearing about any of this, even when I was in the planet club.” Pluto muttered to one of the other dwarf planets.

“It sounds like they didn’t know either.” The other replied. Ganymede was pretty sure her name began with an ‘E’. 

“And that’s why we don’t see super-Earths in our Solar System, those big, massive rocky worlds we see in orbit around so many other stars.” 

“I…I guess that makes sense.” Mercury started, glancing hesitantly at the other rocky planets. “If there was way more material, one of us could’ve gotten really big and damaged the others with our gravity!”

“So, the only reason the Earthlings think that didn’t happen is because Jupiter was approaching the Sun?” Venus asked skeptically, frowning at the screen. “That seems a bit contrived. If he kept going, there wouldn’t be any rocky planets. And why did he stop and go back?”

No one seemed to have an answer to that last question. 

“This also might explain why Mars is so small.” The Earthling resumed rolling the rocks around. “See, if Jupiter was orbiting in the region that Mars was forming, there would’ve been much less material here. And that might explain why Mars is only a 10th the mass of Venus and Earth.”

“Damn, a 10th? I didn’t realize the difference was that bad!” Earth spoke up, only to receive a withering glare from the red planet in question. “...Sorry, wasn’t thinking.”

Mars just sighed, risking a glance over at Jupiter. Not for the first time, Ganymede wondered why the red planet seemed to look up to the gas giant so much. 

“Had Jupiter continued to move inwards, it would’ve had a similar effect on the Earth, meaning the world we inhabit might never have formed.”

“But why didn’t he? Can this Earthling just give us the facts?” Ganymede growled, frustrated by the lack of a clear answer in the face of so many horrible events.

“But just as it looked as if Jupiter would sweep everything away, something stopped the giant planet in its tracks.” The screen cut from a view of the early Solar System, to a storm over a mountain. “Because in the shadows of the outer Solar System, another planet was forming.”

The gazes of the room shifted to the other gas giants.

“The Solar System’s second gas giant,” The screen cuts to the ringed planet, covered by shadow. “Saturn.”

The planet himself raised his head in surprise, as if he hadn’t been paying attention until he heard his name. Not that surprising, from what his moons have said.

“Saturn?” Venus asked incredulously. “How did Saturn stop Jupiter?”

“Did you know about all this, Saturn?” The Sun asked slowly, and from his tone, Ganymede guessed he already knew the answer. It was just as well, because the ringed giant offered no reply beyond a solemn nod.

“And its birth changed everything.” The screen changed back to a cloud over Earth’s surface. “When a planet forms in a disc of material around a star, as Jupiter did in our Solar System, it tends to clear out a gap in the disc.”

“Now, the material tends to fall inwards towards the star.” Brian the Earthling was playing with rocks again, only this time he added sand to the mix. “It’s called accretion, and that drags the whole thing inwards. And that’s what happened to Jupiter.”

“So Jupiter would have been headed towards the Sun because of physics?” The Earth asked, frowning at the screen. “Why didn’t you just say that? If it was involuntary?”

“I-it was more complicated than that.” Saturn began, glancing hesitantly at the fuming star.

“No, go ahead Saturn, explain what you two told me.” The star hissed, looking between his two gas giants. Jupiter seemed to wake up at the sight of Saturn being interrogated, lifting his head for the first time since this began. 

“Leave him alone, Sol. I am the one responsible for this.” The largest gas giant faced his star, eyes shadowed and sorrowful. Saturn looked conflicted, opening and closing his mouth as if to reinsert himself into the argument.

“Well, go ahead…Zeus.” The Sun leaned back, rising to sit taller than the planet. “Explain.”

Jupiter seemed to struggle for his words, but powered through, turning slightly to address the room as well as the star. “When I formed, I was closer to the Sun. I-I don’t know if I was getting closer, I might have been. But the damage I did to Ceres and the other rocky planets was caused by my own actions, I know that much.”

The Sun did not react, merely frowned harder. Jupiter rushed to continue.

“I-I wanted to move my orbit, beyond the area that would be the asteroid belt. I asked t-the Sun but…” Jupiter trailed off nervously, before returning, “I moved my orbit without his say, when the Sun wasn’t watching.”

“I-I didn’t know, then, how much damage my gravity could cause. The rocky planets that were forming suffered from my m-mistake. I-I have regretted my actions every day since, and I have done my best to p-protect the other rocky planets.” Jupiter sounded choked up, surprising Ganymede. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him cry before…

“I’m sorry, Sun, for lying. I-I was scared of your reaction, but lying to you was not the answer.” Jupiter dipped his head to the star. “I-I will accept any punishment you deem fit.”

The star was dangerously quiet, the only movement being the smoke still rising from his hair, as he considered Jupiter’s words. The whole room felt like it was holding its breath and Ganymede was right there with them. 

“I’m glad you saw fit to admit this 4.6 BILLION YEARS LATER!” The star hissed, stalking forward to stand inches from the large gas giant. “I will render my punishment when we have been freed from this box.” 

Jupiter nodded, head still bowed, while the star continued.

“But, until then, you will answer any questions I have, immediately!” The Sun added angrily, “No more evading!”

“Yes, Sun, I will.”

The tense silence that followed was broken abruptly by the screen unpausing itself. 

“But, then, a less massive planet, Saturn, formed further out.” Brian held up a significantly smaller rock. “And it cleared out its own disc and it too fell inwards towards the Sun, but more quickly than Jupiter.”

“How do other planetary systems form then, with gas giants, if every gas giant gets pulled into the star?” Uranus asked, seemingly electing to ignore the agreed upon silence that had settled on the room. 

“I don’t know? Maybe the Earthlings will find out one day!” Neptune added excitedly, following Uranus’ lead. “I mean, we didn’t start moving towards the Sun either. Unless I forgot that too?”

“No, you’re right, mate. If anything, you got further away, not closer.”

“That meant that Saturn got into a resonance with Jupiter.” Ganymede thought it was almost cute how excited the Earthling was about this. “It went round once in orbit around the Sun for every two orbits of Jupiter, and that has the effect of cleaning out the whole region between the two planets.”

“Oh! Like Io and me.” Europa mused next to him. 

“Are you suggesting you and Io have the same relationship as Saturn and Jupiter?” Ganymede teased half-heartedly. Europa smacked him lightly on the arm.

“Not in a billion universes!”  

“And that has the effect, through a series of complicated gravitational interactions, of slowing and stopping the in-fall and eventually causing the two planets to move back out again.”

“So the Earthlings have a scientific explanation, and Jupiter has his account of what happened.” Mercury speculated out loud. “So what actually happened? A mix of the two?”

“...We are still subject to gravitational laws.” Jupiter began hesitantly, watching the Sun warily. “It is entirely possible I would have been moved from my orbit near the Sun eventually.”

“Y-yeah, Jupiter just did it a little earlier!” Saturn’s nervous voice joined in, backing up the gas giant’s statement. “And a bit…messier.”

Ganymede wasn’t sure what to make of this. Sure, Jupiter might have moved eventually, but they can’t know that. And, that hardly nullifies the destruction.

“You still acted in a way that harmed others, my punishment will stand.” The star remarked coldly. 

Jupiter dipped his head, “Of course, Sun.”

“And that is what happened to Jupiter and Saturn in our Solar System. Saturn caused Jupiter to retreat, leaving behind just enough material from which the inner planets could form.” The camera was over Jupiter’s clouds now. 

“Lucky us.” Mars said in monotone.

“I mean, it is pretty lucky, from the Earthling’s point of view.” Luna contemplated. “Their planet just missed being wiped out.”

“Mercury. Venus. Mars.” The planets appeared as they were mentioned in turn. “And our home, the Earth.”

“Come on, that wasn’t even in orbit order!” Venus complained to the screen.

“I’m not sure why you expected anything different, it is their planet.” Ganymede snarked, getting tired of listening to the rocky planets arguing. They squabble so much, yet we couldn’t convince any of them to put Earth down a peg.

“By preventing the formation of much larger super-Earths, Jupiter allowed our planet to grow.” The shot lingered on Earth’s form, hanging before the Sun. 

“I guess some good came out of it, then?” Titan offered, glancing at his planet and Jupiter with worry. The two gas giants looked thoroughly deflated, and not terribly focused on the screen.

Ganymede almost sympathized with Titan’s pathetic attempt to cheer them up. He didn’t want his planet to spend the rest of their time here beating himself up over what happened or worrying about the Sun’s punishment. It’s kinda messed up, how much power the Sun has over everyone. Ganymede tried to shake such thoughts from his mind. No good would come of questioning the Sun out loud, no matter how tempting.

“And even as Jupiter’s reign of terror was drawing to a close,” The Earthling was back in the strange invention, travelling across an ocean. “It provided one last parting gift to our world.”

The Earth glanced up at that in confusion. “A gift?”

“The young Earth formed in an arid region of the inner Solar System.” The Earthling began to explain. “There was very little water that close to the Sun, but as the Earth was forming…” Brian explained that Jupiter passing back out of the asteroid belt caused many bits of water and ice rich rocks to fly back into the inner worlds. “...bringing water back into the inner Solar System.”

“I don’t remember that…” The living planet muttered, frowning at the screen.

“I-it was before the collision… with Theia.” Jupiter explained quietly, like even mentioning this would turn the Sun’s solar flare on him.

“Oh…”

“So, I think it is quite a wonderful thought, that Earth is a water world today because of the motion inwards and then back outwards again of the massive planet Jupiter.”

“It is a lovely thought!” Neptune smiled at the screen, then continued contemplatively. “What happened was horrible, but some good came out of it in the end.”

“This idea does seem quite contrived, almost fantastical, but the more we learn about the formation…” The Earthling explained how, when they try to model planetary systems like this, with four water-rich worlds close to the star, they began to learn that all these things had to happen. “...in order to produce a system like ours and a planet like ours.”

“Do you think all this stuff happened in other systems?” One of the smaller moons, Kore, asked Europa. 

“Maybe? I guess we won’t know till the Earthlings find out.” The pale moon dismissed half-heartedly. 

“I-I hope s-so!” Io spoke up, “I-I think the E-earthlings would b-be really u-upset if their t-the only L-life.”

“I don’t partially care what the Earthlings feel, personally.” Ganymede chimed in with a grumpy tone.

“We already know that.” Callisto sighed, “You don’t need to remind us.”

“So, places like this may be extremely rare.” The camera panned out to a wide shot of the ocean, then to Jupiter.

“I wouldn't be surprised,” Uranus stated skeptically, "If it takes a convoluted series of events to make a living planet, not many stars are gonna have them.” 

The Sun looked contemplative at the ice giant’s words. Ganymede wondered if he would be taking that into account for Jupiter’s punishment. The Sun loves having a living planet, it’s basically the only thing this stupid system can brag about. 

“Today, Jupiter has settled into a regular orbit back beyond the far edge of the asteroid belt.” As the screen slowly got closer to Jupiter, Brian kept talking. “Its days of marauding through the Solar System at an end.”

“I think we’re all thankful for that.” Mars muttered, glancing back at Ceres with conflicted eyes. Ganymede wasn’t sure what the red planet’s deal was with his fear of the little dwarf planet and his hero worship of Jupiter. Not like I’m much better, but I hide it fantastically!

“I am immeasurably sorry for the damage I did back then.” The gas giant sounded far more sure and confident than he had this entire episode. He’d lifted his gaze to the rocky planets and the moon-dwarf planet group behind them; the regret that shone in his eyes making Ganymede shiver. He tried to think what he’d have felt if his revolution had actually succeeded in killing the Earthlings. At the time, they’d seemed like distant, abstract creatures. Easy to ignore. But, after watching this ‘Brian’ who was clearly sapient and aware, it seemed more and more messed up to destroy his entire world.

The Earthling was now wandering around a strange place full of rocks and plant life, with smaller Earthlings Ganymede didn’t recognise. He stopped to crouch down by a river. “Jupiter has been established in a stable orbit for almost 4 billion years. If I was to sit here on Earth 3.8 billion years ago, when Life began, and look up into the night sky, I would’ve seen it shining there as a point of light.”

“Can the Earthlings see all of us in their sky?” Neptune asked curiously. 

“Um, most of you guys.” Earth replied, thinking, “The planets at least. They can’t really see you though, not without a good telescope.”

“Aww, that’s a pity.” The blue ice giant still held his signature absent minded smile as he spoke.

“The same as it looks today, distant and seemingly detached.” Brian’s camera moved from the Earthling to stare at the Sun, much to the displeasure of Ganymede’s eyes. “And it’s remained that way for the vast expanse of time it’s taken for evolution by natural selection to transform those first populations of organisms into all this, to transform the Earth into an oasis of Life in the desert of the Solar System.”

“They always have such nice descriptors for us.” Mars complained, “Weren’t they just desperate to find Life on me last episode? Now we’re all just a desert.”

“Deserts have Life!” Earth argued, then paused, “At least, mine do. But that’s not the point.”

Ganymede struggled to see what ‘point’ the blue-green planet could possibly believe he was making. I almost can’t wait to get back to my orbit, at least there I don’t have to listen to all this.

“What’s evolution ?” Ariel asked. The Earth, for once, didn’t seem to have an immediate answer. 

“Um, that’s a bit too complicated to get into right now…”

“But Jupiter’s influence over the Earth remains to this day.” The screen switched back to the asteroid belt. “And that’s because, despite its great distance from us it retains a vice-like grip over the asteroid belt.”

Vice-like? Ganymede knew his planet had an impact on the asteroid belt, but that seemed a bit of an extreme way to phrase it. 

“It’s easy, I think quite natural, to think of the asteroid belt as a single structure.” Brian was sitting on a rock in a savannah-like area. “A sort of ring of rock surrounding the Sun. but that’s not what it’s like at all…” Brian explained that each part of the asteroid belt has an individual orbit, showing an animation of the asteroid belt and the planets’ orbits. “...but the interesting one is Jupiter, orbiting just outside the asteroid belt.”

“What’s that device he’s using? To show the model.” Uranus asked, looking curious about Earthling stuff for the first time since this began. 

“It’s a tablet!” Earth, as always, was excited and more than happy to explain. “Humans use them to watch stuff, or write, or draw.”

“Draw? Could they be used for painting?”

“I think they can? Not with real paint, but they can simulate painting on them.” Earth finished. The pale ice giant looked intrigued by the concept.

“What you can see is that the asteroid belt dances to Jupiter’s tune.” Brian motioned to the screen with his model. “It’s the conductor of the asteroid belt, if you like.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you had such an impact on it.” Mars said, watching the screen. “I guess I never thought about how strong your gravity is.”

“I have been trying to keep the asteroid belt in-” Jupiter was cut off by an outraged Sun.

“It is not stronger than mine!” The Sun snapped, “I’m sure my gravity has been keeping the asteroid belt in check regardless of Jupiter’s.”

“There are complex patterns here, but there’s also structure. And the reason for that is the delicate interplay between the gravitational pull of the Sun and the gravitational force from Jupiter.” Brian explained further.

“From the sounds of it, both of your gravities are needed, so Jupiter must have been having an impact.” Europa, to the great surprise and horror of Ganymede, suddenly spoke up. The pale moon was glaring at the star. Stars, she’s going to get herself melted.

The Sun slowly turned to stare at the Galilean moon. Ganymede jumped up to her side, not likely to let her do this silly stunt alone. 

“She’s right.” The largest moon stated, trying to imagine he wasn’t pissing off a celestial with a temperature of over 15 million degrees celsius. “You’re not the only astral body that keeps things in check around here. You couldn’t do it on your own.”

Before the Sun could blow both of their heads off, a tentative voice from the dwarf planet pile stepped forward. “He does have a point. Even Neptune’s gravity keeps the Kuiper belt in check, he even pushed it away from the area it formed. That wouldn’t happen if it was just your gravity. If we didn’t have the gas giants, way more asteroids would be flying all over the place.” 

Ganymede didn’t know Makemake terribly well, but he was stunned by the bravery (or stupidity) of the dwarf planet’s words, and his respect for him increased.

The star appeared to be taken aback by the inclusion, frowning thoughtfully, before scowling. “I was going to banish you, Jupiter.”

The gas giants both looked terrified by this proclamation. Ganymede felt like his orbit had been pulled out from under him. Banished! Would we have been banished too? Or just left without a planet?

“But, as your audacious moons and the foolish dwarf planet say, I clearly cannot.” The Sun seethed, glaring at them in turn. Ganymede held his head high, refusing to be bullied. “Instead, I will find a new punishment.”

Once again, the hard silence was broken by the documentary unpausing itself. 

“Now, what can happen is…” The Earthling spoke about the chances that asteroids would collide or get kicked by Jupiter’s gravity.“...and be sent inwards to the inner Solar System. And by that mechanism, Jupiter has a profound influence on the planets closer to the Sun.”

“So that explains how he misses some of them, I guess.” Earth looked profoundly uncomfortable with the energy in the room, drawing closer to his moon and the other rocky planets. Ganymede just settled back down with Europa, tense and angry, and tried to focus back on the screen.

“Around 100 million years ago, an asteroid 10km across was ejected from the asteroid belt.”

“Oh geez…” The Earth shrunk back slightly at the sight of the asteroid floating onto the screen. Luna frowned at his planet in confusion, before seemingly reaching the same conclusion, and tensing up.

“Dislodged by Jupiter’s gravity, it was set on a collision course with the Earth.” The screen displayed the asteroid heading towards the living world. 

The rest of the room seemed to have caught on to what this event was. From the wary looks the other rocky planets were throwing at Earth, Ganymede assumed this was the event that was briefly shown at the start of the episode. The dinosaurs? I think Mars mentioned something like that.

Ganymede was surprised at how small the meteorite looked next to the Earth. We were definitely using larger ones during the ambush…and the attack on Mars and Venus. 

The meteorite swung down onto the Earth’s surface, igniting a ball of heat so strong it vaporized a few flying Earthlings on the screen. “When it struck, it generated a fireball so hot, anything within a 1,000km radius would have died instantly.”

The loud, bright explosion lit the screen and the faces of the celestials watching. Mercury, Saturn, and Neptune looked taken aback by the sight and disturbed by the destruction it caused. Jupiter was watching with that, by now, familiar weight of guilt. Uranus looked mildly queasy at the sight of those Earthlings being vaporised out of the air, and the Sun still looked lost in his own thoughts. Earth had turned his head away from the screen, staring down at his clenched hands, while Mars and Luna looked on in worry.

“The impact threw 300 billion tonnes of sulphur into the atmosphere.” The cloud of ejected material from the Earth rose into space, spreading across the planet. “And during the nuclear winter that followed, 75% of all species were wiped from the face of the Earth.”

Ganymede felt his core drop at the number. 75% of all Life? He tried to imagine what it would be like if 75% of his fellow moons died just as suddenly. It was not a pleasant thought. 

The rest of the room seemed to feel a similar way, as quiet gasps and sounds of surprise followed the statement. The younger moons, who probably barely understood what an Earthling was, clung to their older counterparts in distress. Venus and Mars had identical expressions of discomfort as they watched the habitable planet’s surface become covered in ash. 

“In one fell swoop, Jupiter changed the course of our planet’s history.” The battered Earth hung on the screen as ominous music played. 

It struck Ganymede just then, that he could’ve wrought a similar level of destruction on the Earthlings, if not more, had his plan come to fruition. Would it have felt right? Weighing the grievances of the moons against the billions of lives on that planet, would we have been justified? He knew things still needed to change in the Solar System. The current arraignment was hurting the moons, and from what he’s heard here, the planets as well. We still need to do something, just not our previous plan. 

Itching to discuss this with Europa, the largest moon felt more restless than ever for this documentary to end. Glancing at his planet, he could tell he felt the same. The gas giant was hunched and sullen, watching the destruction from the past with tired eyes. This whole thing has been a slideshow of his greatest hits, in a messed up sort of way.

“There are a few places on Earth today where you can catch a glimpse of lost worlds, you can see Earth as it was millions of years in the past and perhaps glimpse the Earth as it might have been.” Brian was walking down towards a river bank. “And this is one of them.”

“They can see stuff from the dinosaurs?” Mercury sounded confused as he asked. “I thought these guys came way after them?”

“They did, like 60 million years after, but they found fossils and stuff.” Luna replied. “Don’t ask me how they formed. Every time Earth explains it, I get more confused.”

“It’s not that complicated.” The Earth’s muffled voice quietly rebukes from his place beside Luna, head in his hands. Sighing, he lifted his head and glared at the screen. “Is it done yet?”

“Um…I think it’s done showing the impact, but the Earthling is still talking about the dinosaurs.” Mars replied hesitantly. 

“How’d you get new Earthlings, if 75% were wiped out?” Phobos asked curiously. 

“Oh, my Earthlings have bounced back from worse.” The living planet held a tone of pride in his voice, “They’re very resilient!” 

“Today, this is the Colorado Plain…” Ganymede didn’t understand much of the Earthling’s words but he appeared to be explaining where the location was and what it used to be. “...because there are literally thousands of dinosaur footprints.”

“Footprints? What are footprints?” Proteus, the little neptunian moon, asked. Ganymede was embarrassed to realise he wasn’t so sure what they were himself.

“Earthlings leave them when they walk on soft stuff on my surface, like mud or snow.” The living planet didn’t seem too surprised by the question. Makes sense, we’ve basically never ‘stepped’ on anything, let alone left a mark for 60 million years by doing so.

“So these ‘footprints’ let them see dinosaurs?” Titania asked, looking intrigued by the idea.

“In a way? They can see where they walked and what their feet looked like.” The Earth tried to explain, “The humans are very smart, so they can deduce a lot from just that!”

Brian walked beside a scattered, wide variety of large footprints. “And here they are, the dinosaur footprints. I find this absolutely remarkable. This is the footprint of a sauropod dinosaur…” Brian explained what a ‘sauropod’ was.

“WOW! They look so big next to the Earthling!” Deimos laughed, turning to Luna. “Was that the biggest Earthlings ever?” 

“Nope!” Luna happily replied to the little moon. “The biggest are still on Earth. Blue whales!”

“Wooh! Can we see?” Phobos joined in. Both moons were soon devastated to find out they’d have to wait for the documentary to end.

“...what happened here is, probably a herd of them, a group of them came lumbering across this lake bed and then, perhaps that same afternoon, the predators came, maybe following the herd. And that’s these footprints here…” The Earthling reached over to touch a different set of footprints, explaining that they came from an ‘allosaurus’. “...You see a whole story played out here, frozen in time.”

“They had their own little families.” Neptune smiled, looking oddly sad. 

“Yeah, and they got eaten by each other.” Uranus added pessimistically.

“Today, just their traces remain.” The camera switched back to the asteroid. “But, were it not for Jupiter, they might still be here.”

Jupiter went to open his mouth, likely to apologize for the 100th time, but Earth held up his hand to stop him. The living planet spoke in a tired voice, "It's fine, Jupiter, you don’t have to keep doing that.”

“There are so many chance events, not only throughout the history of Earth, but also spanning the entire history of the universe for 13.8 billion years, without which we wouldn’t exist.” Brian was still walking around the river bed. “There’s an unbroken chain of life stretching back 4 billion years here on this planet. You interrupt or interject at any point and life on Earth is different.”

“That sounds overly delicate.” Europa snarked, frowning at the screen. Ganymede wondered if she was thinking about their plan to wipe out Earth’s Life as well. 

“Then they have that in common with you, then.” Ganymede could almost see a geyser pop as Europa resisted the urge to fist fight Callisto for that comment. I’m sure the other major moons don’t fight this much with each other, this is ridiculous.

“But having said that, there are major events that affected life, and one of them is the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs.” Brian explained with a tone of reverence, “And, in that sense, it is certainly true to say that without Jupiter, we wouldn’t be here.”

“H-how come these E-earthlings wouldn’t be here w-without the a-asteroid?” Io asked curiously. 

“Uh, that would probably require a crash course on evolution, which I am not qualified for.” The Earth’s moon replied, much to Io’s disappointment. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Earth would be happy to host one, after we get out of this box.”

“The godfather of the planets paved the way for us to inherit the Earth.”

“Oi, I’m not a family heirloom!” The Earth cried in mock outrage. While Ganymede wasn’t sure what an ‘heirloom’ was, the idea of being owned by the parasites that cover your surface sounded like the start of a horror movie.

“They’d probably keep an heirloom clean, at least.” Luna snarked, so quietly Ganymede almost didn’t hear it. The grey moon received a light shove from his planet in return for that comment.

“And although it occasionally flings rocks from the asteroid belt our way, it also protects us.” The screen changed to a meteorite flying through space.

“That’s a nice summary. Jupiter is great, with the occasional rock hurling at you.” Venus muttered.  

“Because, for objects heading towards the Earth from the far reaches of the Solar System, Jupiter’s gravitational field acts as a shield.” Brian continued, “Around a century ago, a lump of rock and ice 4km across and weighing 17 billion tonnes was hurtling towards the inner Solar System.”

“I don’t remember hearing about that?” Earth asked aloud, watching the screen with trepidation.

From the sound of it, Jupiter had something to do with that. Ganymede was glad the documentary had started to show more positive sides to his planet, after the tearing down of earlier.  

“Until Jupiter intervened.” The screen cuts to a rocket launch on Earth. The Galileo spacecraft took off.

“Yay.” Uranus said in a mocking, monotone voice. “We almost went the rest of an episode without a rocket launch, that would've been a real tragedy.”

“Oh, no need to be upset, Uranus!” Neptune smiled at his neighbour happily, “I’m sure they’ll have plenty more in the next episodes!”

“That sounds…wonderful, mate.”

“70 years later, we witnessed just how effective a shield Jupiter can be.” The NASA Atlantis, carrying the Galileo, rose into the air. “Onboard the space shuttle Atlantis, the Galileo orbiter.”

“They named it after us?” Ganymede exclaimed in confusion. 

“No, I’m afraid not, they named it after the Earthling that first saw you four.” Jupiter spoke up in his usual ‘explaining’ voice. Ganymede surprised himself with how much he missed hearing it. 

“Three years after Galileo launched, comet Shoemaker-Levy-9 had been captured by Jupiter’s gravity.” The rock was shown heading towards Jupiter’s surface. “Locked in the giant planet’s embrace, tidal forces now began to tear it apart. Its journey cut short, the comet now faced annihilation.”

“Damn, that comet didn’t stand a chance.” Pluto watched the comet being ripped apart with a queasy expression.

And that’s why we don’t get too close to planets, or the Sun, or basically anything bigger than us. The frankly stark display of Jupiter’s gravity brought back a lot of the disturbing things Ganymede had learnt about his planet in such a small window of time. I wonder what it’s like, to have so much power, while trying not to hurt anyone with it.

“After crossing the inner Solar System, Galileo passed through the asteroid belt, approaching the spots from where it would witness the comet’s final moments.” The orbiter was heading to Jupiter in the distance. “On July 16th, Galileo saw the first fragments of the comet enter Jupiter’s southern hemisphere.”

“They went all that way to watch rocks burn up?” Ariel questioned in astonishment. “These Earthlings really like finding stuff out about us, don’t they?” 

The uraniun moon turned to her companion, a darker moon with a moody expression, who merely nodded in response.

“Pieces of comet Shoemaker-Levy-9 struck Jupiter over the course of six days.” Spots of light could be seen where the comet entered Jupiter's atmosphere. “It was the first time a comet strike had ever been witnessed. The most destructive impact released energy equivalent to six million megatons of TNT.” The spot where the comet hit swirled black in Jupiter’s clouds. “Leaving behind a giant dark cloud 12,000km across.”

“Those clouds look so cool!” Nereid exclaimed, then asked, “Did it hurt? It looked like a big rock!” 

Jupiter gave the little neptuniun moon a surprised smile, clearly caught off guard by the question. “Huh, I don’t remember if it hurt, but it did leave those marks for quite a while afterwards.”

“By capturing objects and incinerating them on impact, Jupiter sweeps up bodies from the outer Solar System that might otherwise collide with Earth.”

“And what are we, space dust?” Venus snarked, “You’d think Earth was the only rocky planet, the way he talks.”

“Well, considering they talk about the rest of us like we’re hellscapes, I doubt they’d care too much if an asteroid hit us or not.” Mars added in agreement. 

“Jupiter, the oldest and largest of the planets, is the godfather of our Solar System.”

“W-what does G-godfather mean?” Io questioned the living planet. 

“Oh! It usually means a male Earthling who promises to take care of a child or help raise it to be moral, despite not being the father.” The Earth explained. Ganymede thought back on the series of events they’d just watched play out. I guess it makes sense. He’s clearly been trying to care for the remaining rocky planets, even if he destroyed the first lot.

“It can also mean the leader of a criminal gang, like a mob boss!” The blue-green planet added, much to Io’s delight. Considering the mess of this Solar System, that one might fit better some days.  

“In youth, it went on the rampage.”

“Oh, it's doing that summary-storybook thing again, like it did for Mars and Earth.” Luna commented. 

“I still don’t know what you mean by ‘storybook’!” The cloudy planet piped up irritably, only to be as swiftly ignored as before.

“For some young planets, it spelt disaster.” The screen displayed Ceres, then rocky material being sent into the Sun. “But for others, like our own world, it cleared the way for their formation.”

The small dwarf planet looked up nervously at the screen as they were shown. Europa pulled them into a side-hug, smiling at them reassuringly. Ganymede spotted Jupiter watching the interaction, eyes equal parts regretful and hopeful. 

“And in adulthood, it created the conditions that allowed us to rise.” Earth hung on the screen, lit by the Sun. “So, we owe Jupiter a great debt.”

“They’ve got a point there.” Earth turned to face the gas giant. “I guess I never realised how lucky my Earthlings are that you keep the asteroid belt in check. So, thank you, Jupiter.”

While the largest planet looked as if he was about to cry, Ganymede heard Venus mutter under his breath, “ Relatively in check”, and had to fight the urge to punch him. A fist fight would certainly ruin whatever good mood the Earth’s words might instil in his planet. 

“But as the dinosaurs found to their cost, it’s a debt that could be recalled at any time.”

“I don’t intend to repeat my mistakes, not with the dinosaurs, or any of the others.” The gas giant intoned solemnly.

“To the naked eye, Jupiter is one of the brightest points of light in the night sky, and through a small telescope, it is a beautiful banded world.” Brian the Earthling was walking along a cliffside near the crater from the start of the episode. “But it feels distant, eternal, disconnected from events here on Earth.”

“But the more we’ve understood about the history of the Solar System, the more we’ve come to understand that that is not the case.” The Earthling was sitting now, overlooking the crater as he spoke. “Jupiter has played an important and perhaps decisive role in the story of all the planets, including Earth.”

Ganymede got the sense that this episode was trying to wrap itself up. Good, then I can talk to Jupiter and get more information.

The rest of the room also seemed to be anticipating an end, already whispering the start of conversions to each other. He spotted Titan talking quickly with Dione, Enceladus, Rhea, and Iapetus. Probably worried that their planet’s the next on the chopping block.

“So the Solar System is just that, it’s a system, complex, interconnected and interdependent.” Brian was bringing his speech to a close. “So next time you see Jupiter, just hold your gaze, maybe think for a minute, because it is so much more than just a point of light, or a planet, even.”

The Sun didn’t appear too happy with the Earthling’s closing comments on the structure of his planetary system. Ganymede found that he couldn’t care less. He needed to be humbled a bit.

“I wonder if many Earthlings did follow his advice?” Luna pondered out loud. 

“Considering how much time they spend looking at you, I imagine some of them must have.” His planet replied with a smile.

“It is the great sculptor of the Solar System, the destroyer and creator of worlds.”

“Now that is a good title, none of that father nonsense.” Ganymede couldn’t help but add. The ominous feeling of a moody star glaring at him didn’t dampen his enthusiasm either.

The sudden eruption of talking drowned out any other comment, leaving Ganymede swivelling his head to find Jupiter in the crowd. Getting to his feet, the largest moon struggled to extract himself from the gaggle of moons that had formed around him.

After fighting to get free, Ganymede spotted his planet walking towards the corner of the room, following the star himself. Great, how am I supposed to talk to him now!

Creeping slowly over to the pair, Ganymede tried to stay unnoticed by either party. He may not be able to speak to Jupiter, but this conversation may prove insightful.

“-I don’t know what to say, Sun, I can’t change what happened and I regret lying to you every day since it happened.” Ganymede began to hear the conversation, settling down between two bean bags to listen, and ignoring the odd looks he was getting from the other Galilean moons. 

“What I want is answers, Jupiter.” The star snapped, glowering at his planet. “I trusted you, above all the planets. And now I find you a fraud.” 

“Sun-.”

“No, I’m speaking.” The Sun interrupted, then asked in a deathly quiet voice. “What happened that day? With Planet X as well. You said he left too, just like the rocky planets.”

“Sun, I’m so sorry.” Jupiter seemed to be crumbling before his star, confessions pouring out. “We-I lied about that too…Planet X didn’t leave on his own.” Ganymede felt his core drop. What now?

“Go on.” The star was simmering, clearly trying to contain his rising anger, while Jupiter seemed to collapse before him.

“He saw what I did… moving my orbit…damaging the rocky planets.” The gas giant had never looked so small in Ganymede’s eyes. “I panicked, he was going to tell you, a-and I was scared of your reaction. So…so I used my gravity to push him away.” 

The Sun’s expression of anger rose into outrage. Jupiter powered on, not even looking at the star. “I didn’t intend to throw him far, we-I didn’t know he wouldn’t be able to come back.” 

Jupiter straightened his back to look Sol in the eye, the confession seemingly lifting a weight from him. “I’m sorry, Sun, and I will accept any punishment you deem necessary.”  

For a long minute, Ganymede feared the star would simply zap his planet out of existence, so furious was his stare. The Sun’s eyes burned with anger, and underneath… was that sadness ? The moon wasn’t sure, but when the star moved to speak, his voice was strained and wavering.

“Jupiter, Zeus, you are my oldest planet…I thought you of all others could be relied upon.” Jupiter’s head dipped in acknowledgement, before returning his gaze to his star. “And you have been, for over 4 billion years, a steadfast defender of our system.”

“However, this lie that you felt you needed to keep hidden from me, has rotted that trust.” Ganymede was frozen in place, distinctly aware that this was a private conversation he should not be eaves-dropping on. The Sun continued, “Even now, you have hidden things. I admire your dedication to protecting Saturn’s role in all this, but that does not help you now, not with this.”

“I-I’m sorry, Sun, I-” Jupiter stuttered, only to fall silent under the Sun’s glare.

“It doesn’t matter. I understand why you protect him, like you’ve protected my system all these years. If the Earthlings are correct, I owe much to you.” The star hesitated, then powered forward. “However, I-I can’t let this go unpunished. When we return to the Solar System, you will teach Saturn how to control the asteroid belt-”

Jupiter opened his mouth in question, but the star kept going. “-Just temporarily, so that you may leave and try to find Planet X. It will be your task, your penance, to see him re-integrated into the system.” 

“Sol, h-he will hate me. I won’t be able to convince him of anything.” Jupiter spoke.

“Then it is your job to fix that. I believe you can do it.” The star seemed to warm for a minute, just long enough for Jupiter to begin to look hopeful. Then the Sun ended with a sharp, “And if not, you will never have my forgiveness.”  

Scrambling away from his hiding space, Ganymede raced back to his fellow moons, casting one last glance at the two celestials. Jupiter had bowed his head to the star’s decision and the star had in turn placed a hand on his shoulder.  

“What’s the rush for, Ganymede?” Callisto's searching gaze pierced his very core, startling him back to reality.

“Ah-Callisto! I w-was just…” 

“Spying on Jupiter? We already saw. You are not very stealthy.”

“Hey-”

“So spill, what did you hear?” Europa interrupted, dragging Io over with her.

“You guys aren’t going to believe this,” He began, settling down with the Galilean moons. “...there used to be another planet! The Sun called them Planet X…”

Chapter Text

Uranus wasn’t sure who he was supposed to talk to during this gap between the episodes. Neptune was already speaking to his moons and Uranus didn’t want to barge in on that. His own moons had scampered off with a promise to be back before the next episode started, but Uranus wasn’t sure why they bothered. They don’t need to sit near me. Stars, Jupiter’s moons ran off to the dwarf planets last episode, and he’s far more respected by them than I’ll ever be. 

The ice giant sighed, picking up the sketchpad he’d found on his seat when this whole mess began. He’d been steadily drawing major or interesting parts from the episodes so far, as a way to actually focus on the screen, with limited results. Being in a room with celestials he’d rarely, if ever, met was bringing his anxiety to a new, horrible high. He was painfully aware of how bad he was at saying the right thing at the right time or when to keep his mouth shut. Normally, this was only a problem for his moons (who barely tolerated it) and Neptune (who didn’t seem to notice). Now though, he was stuck in a small room with no way to leave or do something else. So, he drew. And drew.

The sketchpad was already dog-eared and messy, with some pages filled with more than one picture. As he held it, he tried to determine if he had enough pages left. Only Saturn, Neptune, and me are left. So, being more than halfway through the pad is probably OK…

Just as the pale ice giant was contemplating this, the light of the screen clicked back on. His moons, who had been engaged in a friendly discussion with the other gas giants’ moons, began to slink back to his bean bag. Uranus wanted to tell them they could stay with their new friends, but he knew if he opened his mouth, anything that came out would be the wrong thing to say. I don’t want them to be scared of me. I haven’t even had a proper chance to apologise yet!

The fourth episode of the documentary opened to the same shot of a probe leaving Earth, before cycling through a slideshow of each planet, names displayed on the screen, while music played (The Void- by Muse). After his fellow ice giant had faded from the screen, the music grew more intense as images of asteroid impacts, planet collisions, storms, and satellite destruction appeared on the screen. It ended with the same edit of the planets and the screen title ‘The Planets’.

Uranus was glad his part of the intro wasn’t treated any differently from the other planets; he looked just as cool and mysterious as Saturn or Neptune. It gave him some hope that when his turn came, they would pronounce his name right and not resort to jokes. The ice giant wasn’t sure he could recover from the entire Solar System laughing at him, all at once. 

Beside him, his oldest moon, Titiana had gathered her fellow moons into a huddle that very deliberately did not lean on him. The ice giant’s core clenched uncomfortably, shame and fear fuzzing over his mind, and he turned back to the screen and tried to ignore it.  

“Beyond the warm worlds of the inner Solar System, beyond the gas giant Jupiter, in the freezing regions far beyond the Sun,” The screen passed by the rocky planets and Jupiter as they were mentioned. “Lies Saturn.”

The ringed planet himself had just finished a very serious-looking, hushed conversion with Jupiter. He still seemed stressed despite the Sun looking significantly calmer than before, by Uranus’ estimation. Similarly, Jupiter looked resided, as if he’d received terrible news but at least now he could act on it. I wonder what happened in the break? Aw, who am I kidding? They’d never tell me, no one tells me anything.

“So, if this episode is just about Saturn, do we have one or two more to go?” The Earth speculated. “The Earthlings haven’t been to the ice giants very much, so I don’t know if they can make a whole episode on just one.”

“Either way, we’re over half-way through this and can be free soon.” Venus sounded relieved at the thought of getting out. Uranus empathised heavily.

Ring particles filled the screen as it zoomed out to reveal the gas giant. “A planet made unique, thanks to a nearly 300,000km-wide ring of frozen water.”

Uranus couldn’t help the sting of jealousy that curled around his core at the majestic sight of Saturn’s ring system. I doubt they’ll even mention my rings, no one ever remembers them. 

“Wow! They’re so huge!” Deimos, one of Mars’ little moons, gasped as the camera panned out further to show their size. 

“Why don’t you have rings? You would look so incredibly COOL!” The second moon, Phobos, asked his planet excitedly.

The red planet looked equally horrified and queasy at the suggestion, and quickly tried to shush the little moons. 

“That’s not something I want. I would be stealing Saturn’s style a bit, wouldn't I?” He said to the young celestials calmly, trying to get them to sit still again.

“Here, trillions of pieces of ice have been sculpted by gravitational forces into some of the Solar System’s most stunning vistas.” The screen continued to zoom around the rings of Saturn, revealing areas where shadows had been cast by risings of the rings. 

“They are wonderfully beautiful, Saturn.” Jupiter emphasized to the planet by his side, earning a blush of embarrassment that, momentarily, got the ringed giant to smile. Goal seemingly achieved, Jupiter smiled back.

Across the room, the Galilean moons appeared to be making gagging noises.

“Here on Earth, water takes many forms- oceans and clouds and rivers, but it's in its crystalline form, ice, that it’s at its most beautiful.” Brian was walking across a white, snowy expanse. “Here, ice just adorns the landscape, but in the Outer Solar System, where Saturn lives, ice is so abundant that, well, it’s become a building material.”

“How come Saturn isn’t an ice giant?” Mercury asked, turning to the gas planet side of the room.

“Because, Mercury, he is made of more gas than rock or ice.” Jupiter explained calmly. “Similar to me. Uranus and Neptune, however, have larger cores of ice and heavy metals in relation to their gas layers.”

“Now, there's no more beautiful sight in the Solar System than the ice rings of Saturn.” The Earthling had grabbed a ball of snow off the ground to hold. “It’s almost as if a god had taken snowflakes and sprinkled them over a gravitational field, so we could see it, but how could something so intricate be sculpted out of something so simple?”

Uranus could appreciate the lovely way the Earthling described the rings, even if he had mixed feelings about the subject. He didn’t think he hated Saturn. The planet was nice enough, if a little absentminded, and hadn’t really done anything to harm Uranus. But the ice giant couldn’t banish the horrible feelings in his core when he looked upon those rings. I need to get a grip.

“Why’d he pick up a ball of snow?” Uranus heard Ariel ask inquisitively. “Is he gonna throw it?”

“I doubt he’d do something that fun.” Uranus replied dismissively on impulse, then quickly checked to see if the little moon reacted negatively. It was hard to find the line between humorous comments and just sounding rude. Luckily, Ariel was as unbothered as ever, already refocused on the screen. 

“Well, as is always the case in science, the true beauty lies in the story.” The camera panned out to show the wide, white landscape he was standing on.

“Oh, they’re going to frame this whole episode as a story?” Titan sounded confused, glancing at his planet for a reaction. 

“I mean, they’ve sort of been doing that for everyone?” Rhea replied instead. “The last one was quite dramatic, so maybe this one will be calmer?”

Neither moon looked terribly convinced of this but resumed watching the screen.

“Saturn is a planet that has undergone some of the most radical transformations in the Solar System.” The screen displayed a storm-filled sky of orange over a rocky landscape. It then cuts to various swirling storms within Saturn’s atmosphere, seen from above.

“Are we going to see how a gas giant forms? I’ve always wondered about it!” Luna exclaimed excitedly, sitting next to his planet. 

“I guess so!” The Earth grinned, “They’ve already described how rocky planets form way too many times.”

“Yay. More baby pictures.” Uranus sighed, seriously hoping that they’d skip his formation in his own section. I don’t need reminding of why I’m so lopsided.

“A planet that has seen destruction and creation.” The image of an ice moon being torn apart filled the screen. Uranus had a horrible suspicion of what that would be about.

The moons of Saturn exchanged frantic, panicked glances, while the planet himself seemed to tense up at the sight. Uranus remembered Astrodude’s little theory about his ring formation and how much it had distressed the larger planet. This isn’t going to be a fun topic.

Uranus was keenly aware that his own rings may have a similar origin. His lack of knowledge to this end was not in itself proof that it did not happen. I hope it was just space dust or leftovers...not a moon.

“A planet that harbours hidden worlds,” The screen showed another ice moon with jets of water ice shooting into the air. “Where, just perhaps, there may exist a second home for Life.”

“T-that’s me!” The ice moon that did indeed closely resemble the one on the screen spoke up in shock. Uranus raked his mind for the name. The one Saturn thinks is named after a salad? I don’t even know what a salad is.

‘Life beyond the Sun, Saturn’ appeared over the images of violent storm clouds.

“Not as cool as Jupiter’s title, I must say.” Ganymede snarked at Titan, who in turn gave him a disappointed look. 

“You don’t need to keep trying to annoy me, Ganymede, you managed it a while ago.” The green-orange moon shot back, before turning back to the screen. Ganymede quickly did the same, likely to hide his expression.

“Imagine a place with no surface to stand. Just an endless atmosphere.” The sight of the ringed planet hanging in the emptiness of space was shown, as the words ‘Saturn, 1.4 billion km from the Sun’ faded onto the screen. 

“Wow, I can’t imagine.” Uranus said sarcastically, scribbling the outline of the ringed giant into his sketchpad. 

“It’s not their fault they're so used to being stuck down by gravity!” Neptune’s cheerful reply came a few seconds too late to prevent Uranus from regretting his attempt at a joke. No one here understands my humour.

“Compared to Earth, Saturn is so alien that it’s hard to imagine how it could have grown from the same ingredients.” The Earthling’s voice explained. “But go far enough back in time and Saturn would appear to be surprisingly familiar.”

“You started as a rocky planet?” Mercury asked in confusion. 

“In a sense, I guess?” The ringed planet frowned in thought. “I don’t remember much, but I do know I have some non-gaseous material in my core, so it must have come from that.”

“I believe the documentary will explain further.” Jupiter put in, “It has been good at explaining things so far.” 

‘4.6 billion years ago’ appeared over a dark, rocky landscape. “Saturn began life as tiny worlds of rock and ice, tumbling chaotically through space.” Rocks floated through space slowly. “Just like Earth, Mars, Venus and Mercury, they began to merge and clump together and grow.”

“Do you remember anything about Saturn’s formation?” Jupiter, looking decidedly nervous to be addressing their star, asked. 

Watching the Sun consider his answer, Uranus felt distinctly left out, and this feeling was not improved by the star’s reply.

“I-I’m not sure. I noticed his gravity once he was big enough, but by then he was already a gas giant. I don’t think I even noticed the ice giants till they introduced themselves.” The Sun sounded thoughtful, but not terribly regretful, to Uranus’ ears. I guess it was too much to expect our own Sun to care about us.  

“But unlike the planets of the inner Solar System, Saturn was forming on the other side of a boundary we call the Snow Line, a place where the Sun is so distant and it’s so cold, water exists only in its frozen, solid state. Out here, trillions of particles of ice behave just like rock, providing huge amounts of extra planetary building material.”

“How much water do you reckon is in the outer Solar System?” Earth speculated out loud, “I’m sure the Earthlings have thought about collecting it. They’re always going on about water shortages.”

“32.5 to 65 billion billion tons, roughly!” Neptune, in his usual, inexplicable way, piped up happily. Uranus wasn’t sure how, but his fellow ice giant always seemed to memorise number values and pull them out of thin air on command, despite his horrible track record with everything else.

“Well, they’d never complain again if they could get that!” Luna sounded shocked by the total.

“Probably not a good idea. Most of that water will be in us, the planets and moons.” Titan corrected. The idea of little Earthlings extracting his water sounded like a nightmare and Uranus was immensely glad for once that he was so far away.

“Under the force of gravity, this abundant ice and rock collided and combined, helping the young Saturn to grow into a giant.” The landscape was a dark, rocky expanse, before showing a back-lit rocky world.

“How come we can’t grow into giants in the Kuiper Belt? There’s still stuff floating around.” Pluto questioned, annoyed. Uranus sometimes missed the little ex-planet, they had been all in a similar position of ‘too far away from everyone to matter’, and often hung out. But, since his demotion, Uranus hadn’t seen much of the icy dwarf planet. At least he’s made friends with the other dwarf planets.

“Probably for the same reason Ceres can’t.” Eris replied tersely, “All that’s there isn’t enough, and we can’t collide with it because it’s so spaced out.”

“You’ve got a point there.” Pluto conceded, then added. “It would probably hurt quite a bit as well, now that we’re already formed.”

“The details of how the planets formed in the Solar System is not fully understood. It’s cutting-edge scientific research.” Brian was walking in the snowy, rocky area of Earth again. “We’re talking about events that happened over 4.5 billion years ago. But it seems likely that Saturn was once a world of rock and ice, perhaps ten or even 20 times the mass of the Earth.”

“Like those super-Earths from the last episode?” Uranus asked, recalling them.

“Must be. And I suppose similar planets form like that out in the galaxy.” Saturn added, “I wonder if any of them stay as rocky planets, beyond the Snow line?”

“There’s likely a factor, like size, that determines that.” Jupiter joined in the speculation. “Our moons and the dwarf planets of the Kuiper Belt are good examples of worlds beyond the Snow line, but clearly they are not the size of super-Earths.”

While the lack of a solid answer was frustrating, the glow of being included in these talks was definitely the upside to being stuck in this box. Otherwise, I’d just be making stilted, awkward conversations with my moons…or sitting in silence.

“And it’s almost possible, in your dreams, to imagine standing on its surface.” Brian the Earthling was looking out over the rocky terrain. “But because of its immense mass and its place in the Solar System, Saturn didn’t remain a rocky, ice world for long.”

“These Earthlings really enjoy imagining what it feels like to walk on us, don’t they?” Ariel, his chattiest moon so far, spoke up. Umbriel, who was sitting silent next to her, nodded in reply. 

“As it grew older, Saturn became a radically different kind of planet.” The camera flew through cloud-obscured rocks. “In the region in which the young world was forming, there was more than just ice and rock, there were large amounts of gas. And Saturn began to gain an atmosphere, but on a scale unlike anything we experience here on Earth.” 

“So gaining an atmosphere is a factor? In becoming a gas giant vs a super-Earth.” Mars questioned the screen, frowning. 

“I don’t think we have enough information to speculate.” Jupiter muttered in reply. “And, certainly not the means to experiment.”

Uranus tried to imagine how a celestial would even go about such a thing. That’s more in the realm of a star’s capabilities, I expect.

“What does an atmosphere feel like?” The tiny voice of one of Neptune’s moons, Sao, spoke up in question. 

“Oh, I guess it feels like a constant, mild pressure all around you. And it keeps the temperature pretty consistent, so I imagine it’s uncomfortable without one.” The Earth tried to explain.

“Yeah, I’ve got some pretty wild temperature changes all over me, cause my atmosphere is basically non-existent.” Mercury added to the Earth’s words.

“I think, for us gas giants at least, it is hard to separate the feeling of an atmosphere from our own experience of existence. I am, in a way, my atmosphere.” Jupiter offered, then turned to Saturn. “What do you think?”

“I can’t say I’ve ever put much thought into it, but I think you’re right, my gassy friend.” The ringed giant nodded.

Uranus found himself agreeing with Saturn. I never really thought of my atmosphere vs my core before. Existential questions are a bit beyond me.  

“It’s not until you see the Earth’s atmosphere from space that you appreciate just how thin it really is.” The screen flew over a slowly spinning Earth, demonstrating the fine, blue line that covered the planet. “And it’s a similar story for the other worlds of the inner Solar System.” The atmospheric depth of each rocky world was displayed beside the planets, except Mercury.

“Wow, you guys really do have thin atmospheres! And so pretty!” Saturn looked intrigued as the screen showed the depths of each. “What about you, Mercury?”

“Oh. Um, my atmosphere is really, really small. And it sorta trails behind me, ‘cause of the Sun’s solar wind.” The smallest planet explained hesitantly. “It’s basically non-existent, especially compared to yours, Saturn.”

“Nonsense, an atmosphere is always interesting, even the smallest one.” The ringed giant smiled in his usual, overly sweet way.

“Despite being relatively thin, these atmospheres can exert powerful forces on the planetary surfaces beneath. On Earth, you can see the effects of an atmosphere with nothing more than a sealed container.” The Earthling was in a strange machine that appeared to be moving him down a mountain. “It’s easy to forget that the atmosphere has a weight…” The Earthling began explaining that atmospheres are filled with molecules “...and it exerts a pressure.”

“What is he riding in?” Hyperion, one of Saturn’s moons, asked curiously. 

“It’s an aerial tramway!” The Earth excitedly explained. Uranus sometimes wondered how the little planet remembered all these things about the Earthlings. “The human Earthlings use them to travel up and down steep areas, like mountains. They work by…”

Uranus ignored the rest of the speech, not even slightly interested in it. Hyperion continued to smile politely and nod along, but Uranus had the distinct impression he wasn’t listening either. Understandable, Earth’s little monologues are difficult to follow.

“You really see it if you look at what happens to this bottle…” Brian was holding a plastic container which he’d filled with air at the top of the mountain. The Earthling explained how the atmospheric density change from the top to the bottom of the mountain would cause the bottle to crumple, as it did so. “...and that is squashing the bottle. Physics in action! It’s brilliant, innit?”

“Would that happen to an Earthling? The squishing bit, if they were full of air?” Uranus couldn’t help but ponder out loud. The Earthlings always seemed so delicate and tiny, and considering how impressed this one was by a simple, small pressure change, it seemed like a fair question.

“Um…I guess? They can have issues with their ears and stuff, if they go up high too fast. And there's less oxygen up there, so that can be an issue.” Earth tried to explain. “But, they wouldn’t crumple like that bottle, as their lungs and stuff are evolved to change air pressures inside them anyway.” 

Uranus was pretty sure he understood maybe 50% of that, but he didn’t want more of an explanation, so he just copied Hyperion’s lead and nodded politely.

“While just a few hundred metres of atmosphere can crush a bottle, if an atmosphere gets big enough, it can transform an entire planet.” 

“Does it crush them?” Proteus asked, jumping around next to Neptune’s other moon, Triton. “Like the bottle!”

“I’m sure it’ll explain, Proteus. Please, just sit still.” The tired-sounding moon chastised the smaller.

‘4.6 billion years ago’ faded onto the screen by the back-lit young Saturn.

“I wonder when you started resonating with Jupiter. Was it before or after this?” Dione asked her planet slowly.

“Oh, I couldn’t say. I would’ve needed a lot of mass…” The ringed giant trailed off, looking out of his depth. When he turned to Jupiter for help, the largest gas giant shrugged apologetically.

“Within just a few million years of its birth, Saturn had grown as large as it could, from rock and ice alone.” The early Solar System appeared on the screen. “And now, it turned to another building material, the hydrogen and helium gas left over from the formation of the Sun.”

“D-did you form t-the same way? W-with rocks and t-then gas?” Io asked his planet.

“I imagine so, but I don’t know for sure.” Jupiter replied honestly, then glanced at the Sun. “And, I don’t imagine the Sun could see, since he wasn’t lit yet.”

The Sun turned at his mention, and frowned in thought. “I-I wasn’t even sure what a planet was at the time, so no, I didn’t see.” Compared to the previous episode, the star seemed calmer, but Uranus was still cautious of another ear-splitting shout. 

“This gas would have been too light for the smaller worlds of the inner Solar System to hold on to. But Saturn’s great mass created gravitational forces powerful enough to draw it in.” The storm covered surface before them reminded Uranus of an old painting he’d never finished, only a few colours and very little detail. “Trillions upon trillions of tons of hydrogen and helium gas began to envelop the planet.”

“Wooh! That’s a lot of gas!” Ariel gasped at his side, gazing at the screen in wonder. 

“How much gas would you need for a star, then?” Oberon’s hesitant voice surprised Uranus. His second largest moon was always one of his less confident satellites, and he had not spoken much since this mess began. “If they’re all hydrogen as well?”

“Star formation is more about mass than just having lots of gas,” Uranus felt a flash of relief when Jupiter moved to answer. “I would need to be over 81 times more massive to ignite like a star. So, the answer to your questions is, a lot.”

“And as this new atmosphere grew, it transformed the surface…” Brian explained how the immense pressure from the gases heated up the rock and ice so much, “...they began to glow.”

“So it really did crush them!” Proteus sounded far too happy at being right.

“Hm, in a way, yeah!” Neptune smiled at his excited moon as he ran around, before the little celestial jumped onto his bean bag for a hug. “Well done, Proteus!”

Uranus looked on with a shameful feeling of jealousy stinging his core. I shouldn’t be jealous. Neptune clearly puts much more effort into his moons than I do, of course they like him so much.

“As Saturn matured, the pressure at the surface rose to ten million times the atmospheric pressure on Earth.” Brian was sitting on a rocky mountainside. “Under those kinds of pressures, matter behaves in extremely strange ways. The very idea of a surface becomes meaningless, and Saturn was transformed from an icy, rocky world into a completely different class of planet, a gas giant.”

“So you guys are very big balls of gas with some super-heated rock in the middle.” Mars summarized, turning to the gas giants. 

“Don’t be reductionist, Mars.” Earth said in a teasing tone. “We could call you a ball of slightly warm rock covered in dust, but we don't.”

“You literally just did!”

“Saturn was now so big, it could contain nearly 5,000 Earth-size worlds.” The chaotic mess on the screen hardly resembled a planet, in Uranus’ opinion. “But this vast, wild protoplanet was totally unlike the Saturn we see today.”  

“Does becoming a gas giant hurt? Like, the crushing bit?” Thalassa, one of Neptune’s little satellites, asked the ringed giant.

“Oh, um, I don’t think so? But, I don’t think I woke up until most of it was done already.” Saturn replied to the unexpected question. 

Uranus had often wondered what determined a celestial’s ‘wake up’ time. It seemed to always happen when they reached a stable mass, but that brought into question the instances of a celestial suddenly gaining mass after ‘waking up’. Obviously, large collisions tended to involve a new personality/lack of memory, which suggested that a new celestial entirely was the end result. In cases like Saturn’s, Uranus wondered if he was a completely different planet before the gases crushed his core. I don’t like thinking about this, too many existential questions.

“To discover how that world emerged, we had to send spacecraft to meet it close up.” The launch of a large rocket was displayed across the screen. Earthling voices could be heard, and Uranus thought he detected ‘Voyager’ in the muffled words. 

“Oh great…” Uranus muttered under his breath. He found these rocket launches to be on the more boring end of possible things to look at. Though, of all of them, Voyager was probably the only one he could try to care about. He fondly recalled the two little messengers flying past his orbit, headed for the outer reaches of the Solar System on some Earthling quest of discovery. 

A slideshow of various points in the Voyager mission appeared on screen, as well as facts such as cost and time taken. A little graphic of Saturn was shown, Titan labelled next to it, as the spacecraft was guided. The room of Earthlings erupted into cheers as the probe reached Saturn. 

“Aww, they look so excited!” Saturn grinned at the screen. “And Titan! They mentioned you as well!” 

“Yeah, that’s great, Saturn…” Titan didn’t seem terribly enthusiastic about the rocket either. Uranus was a bit confused by the Saturnian moons’ reactions since this mess started. I know he probably scared them off, like I did with mine, but I always thought Titan was quite close with his planet. 

“The Voyager probes gave us our first detailed look at Saturn, revealing the planet in exquisite resolution.” The screen cuts to a different Earthling excitedly showing various pictures they took of Saturn. “For the very first time, we were able to study Saturn’s vast atmosphere in detail.”

“Wow! That picture is pretty great compared to what the last few probes got.” Mercury complemented as the screen showed some of the Earthling pictures.

“Definitely better than those black and white ones of me.” Mars added.

“The Earthlings are really good at taking images of space now. They’ve been improving every year!” The Earth chimed in, “They even got a picture of a black hole recently!”

“Really? Which one?” The Sun seemed interested as he turned to the living planet.

“Oh, the first one was Messier 87, I think?” Earth thought for a second. “And they recently got a picture of the one in our galaxy, Sagittarius A*!”

“Voyager showed, beyond doubt, that Saturn’s upper atmosphere was made almost entirely of helium and hydrogen, the very same gases so abundant in the early Solar System.” The screen changed to a coloured image of Saturn’s storms. “But this once chaotic gas was now organised into intricate weather systems.”

“Why is hydrogen and helium so abundant? Is it abundant everywhere or just around us?” Miranda piped up curiously. Uranus wasn’t sure he knew how to answer that, so he looked around for some other celestial to explain.

“To put it simply, they were the elements made during the Big Bang, when protons, neutrons, and electrons began combining. Most other elements need stars to be made.” Jupiter looked like he wanted to say more, but was reframing to prevent this turning into a lecture.

“And one above all others took the Voyager team by surprise.” One of Saturn’s poles was shown, topped with a dark, regular storm. “A huge hexagonal structure in the clouds, so big it could fit our entire planet within it nearly four times over. The atmosphere of Saturn was revealing itself to be stranger and more dynamic than we could ever have imagined.”

“I just love how they use the Earth as a unit of measurement, it’s so cute!” Neptune smiled. Uranus wasn’t sure why his neighbour was so fixated on this aspect of Earthlings, but it did make for interesting running commentary. 

“So they saw a big storm… and got excited?” Callisto didn’t sound too convinced of why this mattered. Uranus was also hoping for an explanation, but instead the screen changed back to Earth’s skies instead.

“Atmospheres are some of the most spectacular and complex planetary environments.” A strange Earthling machine was flying beside a mountain. Uranus was surprised to see Brian within it, talking to another Earthling who appeared to be controlling the thing as they flew over the ‘Alps’, apparently. “It’s so great!”

“What is he doing?” Venus asked incredulously. 

“It’s a glider! It’s like a plane, but with no thrust, it just uses air currents to stay up.” The Earth explained enthusiastically.

“What’s a plane?”

“This IS fun!” Brian laughed in response to the other Earthling, seemingly overjoyed to see the ‘Alps’ from this height. The camera zoomed out to reveal the vast mountainscape they were gliding past. “The atmosphere of every planet takes on its own unique character.”

“Where is this ‘Alps’ they’re flying past? It looks very pretty!” Saturn asked the Earth. The living planet grinned at the complement.

“It’s near the south of Europe, over the top of Italy.” At the blank look from the ringed giant, Earth added. “That’s a continent, usually to the left of my face?” That didn’t seem to help, but Saturn nodded like he understood. 

“But what powers them and the weather systems within depends on where you are in the Solar System.” Brian was explaining from within the machine now. “Most of the weather on the Earth is driven by the Sun…” He explained how sunlight heats the ground, and in turn the air, causing it to rise, creating thermals. “...That’s what we’re exploiting now, to glide.”

“Oh, so they’re just…hoping to find air currents? How do they find enough to not crash?” Luna asked his planet. “I thought humans took ages to take flight?” 

“To take powered flight, there's a difference. Though they did need powered flight to get good at gliders.” The blue-green planet corrected, then added. “They find the thermals by looking for signs, like birds already gliding in them, or areas where they know thermals form. They can also have devices called variometers that tell them if the glider is going up or down.”

“All this beautiful weather is driven by the Sun heating the land and causing air to move around.” The glider continued to float around the stunning landscape. “So, we’re sailing around, sailing around in a turbulent, moving ocean of air. But travel further out into the Solar System and the driving forces within an atmosphere must change.”

“If the Sun causes all that, how come the largest storms are all in the Outer Solar System, like you, Neptune?” Galatea questioned. 

“I mean, the Sun causes some pretty wild storms in my atmosphere, at least. “ Venus interjected. 

“Maybe the little Earthling will answer your question in a bit, Galatea.” Neptune smiled at the moon, encouraging her to refocus on the screen.

“Now, there’s been weather on Saturn for over four billion years, but Saturn is a long way from the Sun, and so those weather systems are not primarily driven by the Sun’s heat.” Brian was explaining in the glider again. “And yet the storms on Saturn are amongst the most violent found anywhere in the Solar System.”

“Who wins out of you two, Jupiter or Saturn?” Ganymede asked. Saturn just looked confused.

“Wins in what way?” The ringed planet asked.

“I believe he means, in terms of storms.” Jupiter sighed out, then answered. “Ganymede, I’m afraid Saturn wins that, if you compare wind speeds. I only get to about 400 mph, compared to Saturn’s 500 mph.” 

“With sunlight almost 100 times weaker on Saturn than it is here on Earth, it means something else is helping drive its weather, and the huge, complex forms that arise in its atmosphere.” 

Uranus had a general idea of what they would find already, given how all the gas planets had a similar setup. I wonder why they’re so fascinated by it?

“By studying the cloud tops of Saturn, and its great storm systems, we can now infer a great deal about the strange world that lies beneath,” The screen displayed more of the hexagonal storm at Saturn’s pole. “And the energy source that helps power this planet.”

“The storm looks very pretty, though.” Titania spoke quietly at his side. “Like molten metal, almost.”

“I’m not sure your boyfriend would appreciate you complimenting other atmospheres.” Ariel teased in a low whisper. Uranus turned his head in confusion. What boyfriend? When did that happen?

Titania didn’t spot his glance, and was instead occupied with holding her hands over Ariel’s mouth in some vain attempt to silence her. Uranus watched, as the little moon wriggled out from her attacker to launch a counter-attack at her hair, vaguely wondering if he should intervene. It’s probably OK, at least until one of them starts crying.  

“Below the upper atmosphere, great clouds of water grow. Lightning 10,000 times more powerful than on Earth illuminates the sky.” Flashes of lightning can be seen through the clouds, “This lightning transforms methane gas into huge clouds of soot. Deeper still, the pressures grow so great that these chunks of soot are likely transformed into diamonds.” 

Uranus was enjoying the dramatic music that accompanied the scenes on the screen. His sketchpad already had the scratchy beginnings of a stormy sky taking shape on it. The pale ice giant slowly doodled a diamond in one corner. 

“Do humans like diamonds? I thought they were pretty common, honestly.” Saturn watched the flashy gems fall across the screen. “I think Neptune has them as well.” 

“The humans love diamonds so much, they’ve found ways to make them in labs.” Earth said with pride. “They use them for all kinds of things, and ‘cause they look pretty!”

“Sounds about usual for them.” Luna added from his seat next to the living planet. “Obsessed with shiny things.”

“But even these diamonds will succumb to the pressures of Saturn, eventually liquefying.” Sparkling diamonds fell across the screen before turning to liquid. “It’s not until 40,000km down that the major source of Saturn’s energy is revealed. Here , pressures are so intense, gases behave like liquid metal. Molten helium falls like rain through hydrogen and releases incredible amounts of heat.”

“How hot does it get? Hotter than Venus?” Mercury asked aloud. 

“Oh, definitely hotter. Venus’ core is only around 471 degrees celsius,” Jupiter explained, “While Saturn’s is around 11,700 degrees celsius.”

Uranus was suddenly curious about his own core temperature. Neptune probably knows. I’ll ask him later.

“And we think that this is the extraordinary heat source that has been helping to drive Saturn’s weather.” 

“So, while the rocky planets are slowly cooling down after being warmed from their formation, the gas giants are maintaining hot cores due to atmospheric pressure?” Pluto pondered out loud, then asked, “What about us dwarf planets? Are we just colder rocky worlds?”

“In a way, yes. Any heat we have in our cores is either from formation, collisions, or radioactive decay.” Makemake replied to his fellow dwarf planet. “Though, if we consider the moons, it gets a bit more complicated, like Triton has-” 

“I’m gonna stop you there, but thanks for the unnecessary extra info, dude.” Uranus wasn’t sure how Triton had gotten from Neptune’s side to the dwarf planet so fast, but he was impressed. I wonder what that was all about?

“Within just a few hundred million years of its birth, Saturn had lived a life of drama.” The young Saturn was back on the screen, sans rings. “Now, it has remained largely unchanged for billions of years, although still very different from the planet we know today.”

Drama is a nice word for it, Uranus thought, if dragging Jupiter away from obliterating the rocky planets is drama. He supposed the massive atmosphere increase also counted as drama in the eyes of the Earthlings, but this Solar System had much more literal drama than they probably expected.

“Yeah, where’s the rings?” Deimos shouted excitedly at the screen. 

“But in time, its great size would lead to one more iconic transformation.” The rings slowly faded onto the screen.

Saturn’s expression grew worried and nervous, glancing down at his moons, who were fidgeting restlessly. His larger moons were already sitting a bit away from him, also exchanging anxious glances and talking in hushed voices. Titan seemed to reach an agreement with the rest, and as a group they faced the screen again, faces carefully focused. Uranus knew Saturn claimed to have no prior knowledge of the ring formation, but if this documentary brought that into question… Maybe there are more skeletons in this Solar System’s closet.

“Saturn is a planet defined by its rings.” Brian was back in the snowy, rocky expanse. “You get a child to draw a planet, and quite a lot of the time, they’ll draw something that looks like Saturn.”

“Aw, that’s kinda sweet.” Mercury commented. 

“And strange. Why don’t they draw the planet they’re literally standing on!” The Earth huffed. 

“Probably ‘cause you’re boring?” Venus suggested in his snarky tone. Uranus ignored the squabbling rocky planets in favour of the other celestials.

All the moons in the room seemed on edge, glancing between each other and the moons of Saturn. I guess they’ve also heard about Astrodude’s theory.

“Close up, they are almost impossibly delicate and intricate…” The Earthling explained that the rings were made of ice of various sizes. “...they reflect sunlight back just as powerfully as the planet itself.”

“They really are very shiny!” Neptune smiled at Saturn. Unfortunately, the ringed giant wasn’t paying attention, focused solely on the screen.

Seeing Neptune’s frown, Uranus piped up. “I think he’s heard that a lot already, mate.” It was supposed to sound friendly, and Neptune at least seemed to appreciate it, but he wasn’t entirely convinced it sounded that way. Ah, maybe silence was the answer? But then Neptune would’ve been left talking to himself? This is too confusing.

“But that raises an interesting question, because the Solar System is full of dust.” Uranus felt well aware of that, considering his own dim rings. “Any ice crystals that hang around for any amount of time will get dirty, and so they won’t reflect sunlight back, they won’t be as bright.”

“Aw, does that mean they’ll get dimmer?” Earth asked in disappointment. “That’s gonna suck.”

“I think you got the wrong conclusion from that, dude.” Mars mumbled, watching the screen carefully. 

“So, the question is, why then are Saturn’s rings so reflective?” The camera zoomed out from the Earthling, to show more of the snow. “The answer came from one of the most audacious and successful missions to the Outer Solar System.”

“Why does it feel like we’re the only ones talking right now?” Mars muttered to his fellow rocky worlds, who in turn glanced around at the room, taking in the nervous Saturn and tense moons.

“Um…Luna, what’s wrong?” The living planet asked his moon nervously, then added in a quiet whisper. “They aren't going to attack us again, are they?”

“No! No, of course not.” The moon chastised his planet. “They’re just…worried about something Astrodude said about Saturn’s rings, a while back….”

“Oh.” The Earth paused, looking expectantly at his moon. When he received no follow up, he asked. “Do we get to hear this thing too?”

“It’ll probably come up in the documentary, if it’s actually an Earthling theory, so just watch.” The moon dismissed, glancing nervously at Titan and the other Saturnian moons.

Uranus was still stuck on that ‘attack us again’ comment. What is that supposed to mean? Why would Earth be worried about such a thing?

‘Cassini, 1997’ appeared on the screen as the rocket took off. “The Cassini probe was designed to study Saturn and its moons and rings up close, to shed new light on their origins.”

“Oh, I remember that little guy!” Saturn smiled, shaking off his nervousness as the documentary focused on the space probe. “He hung around for quite a while!”

“Y-yeah! I remember it too.” A moon, pale grey and slightly over-energised, began rambling. “I k-kept seeing it and seeing it, every day for ages. I-I swear, once it was almost going to hit me, but I-I dodged it and-” 

“Shh! Tethys, now is not the time.” Iapetus scowled, halting the nervous ramble with a hand. 

“But whereas the Voyager probes spent only days at Saturn as they sped by, Cassini was built to enter Saturnian orbit.” The rocket probe was shown losing parts as it got out of Earth’s atmosphere. “And explore the system for years.”

“Why is it called Cassini?” Phoebe asked suddenly, the little moon turning boldly to her planet, despite the discouraging looks from Dione.

“Oh! I think Earth told me once,” Saturn rushed out, frowning in thought. “It was named after an Earthling, I’m pretty sure…Giovanni Cassini, maybe?” 

“You can remember that, but not your own MOONS!” The salad moon, Enceladus (Uranus was pretty sure), shouted at his planet. The rest of the room was taken aback by the anger in the little celestial's voice. He was breathing hard and shaking slightly. This is about more than Cassini's name…I don’t think someone would get so worked up about just that.

“Just-just leave it, Enceladus, he’s not going to listen.” Dione sighed in frustration. The angry moon frowned at her, before scoffing and sitting down hard, just a few feet away from the ringed giant. His other moons cast anxious glances between them, and some of Saturn’s smaller moons moved off the bean bag to sit amongst the larger moons.

“Many times more massive than Voyager, Cassini had to take a different route to enter orbit around Saturn.” The probe was shown flying by planets. “To conserve fuel, it flew by multiple planets, slingshotting past them to pick up speed and change direction over the course of seven years.” 

“Wait, it used our gravity?” Mars asked in confusion.

“Yeah, like that Messenger probe did, to get to me!” Mercury piped up. Uranus was surprised he’d remembered. It feels like eons since this started. 

“As Cassini finally approached its target, it was traveling at almost 100,000km per hour and had to slow itself with exquisite precision.” The probe was slowly approaching Saturn’s ringed form.

Uranus glanced again at Saturn’s moons and the planet himself. The ringed giant was tense and anxious, clearly conflicted about what to say or do in response to the moons’ words. I hope he can get on better terms with them soon, ‘cause the next part of the doc probably isn’t going to be any less stressful.

The mess with Saturn’s moons reminded him of his own. Of his own stupid joke about his rings. Before being teleported here, he’d been searching for them and trying to write out an apology. But, without his old notebook here, he didn’t have anything to go off of. I’d probably have to start from the beginning anyway, with all this stuff happening in between.

He wanted whatever he said to be perfect! It needed to be, to make up for his horrible treatment and tasteless joke. It had taken Neptune’s reframing of the situation for him to even see how wrong it was. The pale ice giant would need to prove he understood now and was willing and ready to change. Uranus wished he could just speak his heart out loud without it coming out wrong, for once. Considering how long the last draft of his apology took to write, the ice giant needed to start soon. I should really start writing this down before it gets to my section.

Chapter Text

Sitting between the furious Enceladus and frustrated Dione, Titan wondered once again how he’d ended up in this situation. One minute, he’d been headed back to Saturn’s orbit with the other moons, and the next, he was stuck in a room with literally the entire Solar System. He would’ve been happy to fade into the background, but in the very first episode he was placed into the spotlight by the Earthlings. Any slow progress he’d made at reducing his status as ‘The Favourite’ quickly evaporated. That, along with the failed revolution looming over his mind, worked together to make a pretty disagreeable situation. 

At first, he’d been worried that the rocky planets would reveal the Moon Revolution to the whole room, but as each episode passed without comment, he started to calm down. He had even spoken to the Earth on far friendlier terms than ever before. Now, however, an entirely new issue was arising. Saturn’s rings.

Titan had been running this issue over in his head since Saturn had decided to announce Astrodude’s theory to his moons. Hearing his planet claim no memory of it, of her, chilled the moon to his core. How can he not remember? It was all I could think of for centuries…

The other moons of Saturn were no better. All except the small moons had been caught off guard by his sudden display of ignorance to the events of his ring formation. Few things could explain such a claim, and fewer still were good. I know we all acted like it never happened… but that was because Saturn always did. I never thought he actually didn't…

The Earthlings were sitting in a room, with ‘JPL Mission control’, in the corner of the screen. There was some faint radio-chatter, then the room erupted into applause. Titan assumed that meant the probe had entered orbit.

Titan shook his head, trying to focus on the screen. Beside him, Dione was glaring a hole into the soft floor, lines of tension stripped across her form. Beyond her, Rhea and Tethys spoke in quiet whispers, casting glances at the ringed gas giant behind them. Enceladus and Iapetus sat on Titan’s other side, both scowling with angry, nervous energy. Mimas was trying to convey something to Hyperion through silent gestures, with what looked like limited success.

“They sound sooo happy!” Neptune exclaimed at the sight of the applauding room with a big smile on his face. The rest of the room seemed torn between watching the screen and keeping an eye on Saturn’s moons. Enceladus’ outburst really let the comet out of the wormhole.

“After its 3.5 billion-kilometre journey, Cassini was now able to see Saturn’s rings like never before.” The small probe was shown next to the mass of Saturn. “What’s more, during its long stay at Saturn, Cassini would be able to take physical samples for the very first time.”

“I love how they went all that way just to look at the shiny rings.” Luna commented. “They love shiny things, chronically.”

“Can’t really blame them for that,” Earth laughed, “You’re the shiniest thing in the sky!”

“By measuring the way that the dust from the Solar System falls onto the rings, Cassini made a startling discovery.” The probe was floating above the rings, which spread out for miles around it. “If the rings have been around Saturn for billions of years, they should have been darkened and dimmed by the dust. But they are pristine and bright.”

Saturn seemed to grow smaller at the Earthling’s speculation, confusion and fear written loud across his face, and looked down disbelievingly at his hands. Is it real? Or just a very good act? One I never thought Saturn capable of?

The major moons had become divided into two theories. One; that Saturn knew, and was claiming ignorance for some unspecified reason. Or two; something had caused their planet to genuinely forget the events of that day. Neither camp was equipped with convincing enough arguments either way, and now they were about to be further confronted by the documentary itself. How he reacts, that’s what’ll decide it, I think. 

“Does anyone remember Saturn without his rings?” Mercury asked, causing Titan to wince, and turned to look at the rest of the room. A few mouths opened to answer, but quickly closed, eyes darting around the tense room. The only ones seriously pondering it seemed to be the outer worlds; Neptune, his moons, and the dwarf planets. 

 “And the reason is because they are young. Nearly 4.5 billion years younger than Saturn itself.”

“H-how?” Saturn trembled, turning in distress to Jupiter. “H-how are t-they so…s-so young?”

“I-I think you should keep watching, Saturn.” The larger planet replied comfortingly, placing a hand on the ringed planet’s own.

“The mystery of the origin of rings is an active area of research.” The Earthling, Brian, was walking along a dark, sandy area. “And the evidence that Cassini delivered hints that the solution lies not with the planet itself, but with the worlds trapped in orbit around it.”

“Saturn’s moons.”

“They better not start blaming us!” Enceladus hissed beside Titan, glaring at the screen. Titan just swallowed nervously, trying to ignore the angry comment from his fellow moon. 

“I doubt they would assign blame, the Earthlings so far have been very neutral.” Iapetus considered in a far calmer voice than Titan would’ve thought, given the tension clear in his body language.

“Saturn has 62 large moons and countless smaller ones, we’re still discovering them.” Brian was sitting on the dark beach now, talking to the camera. “So, it’s like a mini Solar System in itself.”

“A mini Solar System? With Saturn as the Sun?” Venus asked incredulously. Titan glanced apprehensively at the star himself, wondering how he would react to such a comparison. 

“I would hope that Saturn would not claim such a thing.” The star sneered at the screen. The ringed planet shook his head, though Titan wasn’t sure if it was in response to the Sun or denial of the situation. 

“And those moons range in size from planetary-size objects, like Titan, to small, irregular-shaped lumps of rock.” Brian brought up a hand to emphasize the smallness. “And there’s so much diversity in size and form and surface features, that the whole system is like a history book.”

“Lumps of rock!” The outraged hiss of Hyperion echoed in the room. The irregular-shaped moon snarled at the screen. “Just ‘cause we’re not round, don’t mean we’re just rocks!”

He received a few belated calls of agreement from other small moons, but the planets just looked at each other awkwardly. Titan once again wished he’d been able to make any kind of substantial difference with the Moon Revolution instead of just a failed attack on the rocky planets. We will need to keep pushing. Just…less listening to Ganymede and Europa.

“And if we learn to read it then we see that Saturn has had a very violent and changeable past.” The Earthling brought up a piece of paper with a moon on it.

Titan was surprised to see he recognised the small image in the Earthling’s hands. The moon himself also let out a gasp of surprise.

“Look at this, this is Mimas, which is often called the Death Star moon for obvious reasons.” He turned the picture towards the camera, which zoomed in. “It has this huge impact crater, which tells you that once, long ago, there was a very violent impact that almost, but not quite, destroyed the moon.”

“He said my name weirdly…” The moon trailed off, then smiled, “But he actually knows it! And my fun facts!”

Titan felt a smile tug at his face while watching his fellow moon get some of the spotlight. He’d been worried that only a few moons would be mentioned in this whole documentary, given how focused it had been on the planets. Stars, not even Ganymede got mentioned.

“Oh, that’s a Star Wars reference!” Earth, a bit late to this realisation, spoke up. He turned to the moon in question with a grin. “That crater is so cool!”

Mimas didn’t seem to know how to react to that, freezing with a half-scowl, half-smile, so Titan jumped in.

“Yeah, Mimas, it's got to be one of the best in the system!” This just redirected the look at him, but Titan didn’t mind. It was good for the moon to hear some positive attention regardless of how unused to it he was. Maybe Saturn might finally remember some of these things, if the documentary gives him a new way to memorize it.

“And this is Iapetus.” The Earthling produced another picture from behind the first. “It’s a very large moon, almost planetary-size. It’s about 1,500 kilometres across. And half of it is white, and half of it is dark.”

“Oh…I did not expect the Earthlings to know much of me.” The outermost large moon intoned. 

“You are one of Saturn’s largest moons,” Dione corrected. “I would be more surprised if they hadn’t been looking at you.”

“Iapetus also has another distinctive feature, which is this ridge all the way around the equator, and you can see the scale of it from this photograph.” Brian pointed to the ridge excitedly. “And this is clearly visible, it’s one of the highest mountain ranges in the Solar System, 20 km from the peak to the ground below.”

“I...I’m sorry I didn’t know about these things, my moons.” Saturn sounded close to crying, looking at his satellites, with his hands twisting around each other anxiously. “There’s just so many of you…”

Titan tried to subtly glance at his fellow moons to gauge their reactions. The smaller moons shuffled nervously, waiting for the older, larger moons to respond. Enceladus, Hyperion, and Iapetus didn’t appear terribly convinced by Saturn words, still frowning and keeping their distance. Rhea and Tethys were conflicted, not nearly as angry-looking as the others, but still cautious and sad. Only Dione turned to Titan to speak quietly.

“He can’t be serious!” She hissed into his ear. “These are basic facts about his largest moons.”  

“And it’s thought that this formed because a ring that was once around the moon, just like Saturn’s rings, collapsed onto its surface.” Titan didn’t know what to make of that, but the Earthling seemed very fascinated by the discovery. 

“I…what?” Iapetus’ look of bafflement was quickly turned to horror. “How? I…I never had…. Moons can’t have moons!”

“There are other ways to get rings, especially small ones.” Jupiter said calmly to the distressed moon. “It may have just been the debris of your formation.”

“OK, that-that makes sense.” Iapetus was trying to regain his usual, gruff voice. 

“There’s no reason moons can’t have moons. The Earthlings have been speculating about it for ages!” Luna put in excitedly. Titan idly wondered if the Earthlings would ever find such a thing.

“As Cassini continued its journey, it revealed in detail multiple moons made almost entirely of ice.” Black and white pictures of moons flashed on the screen. “And many of them had taken on extraordinary forms in and around the rings.”

The screen showed Pan, Hyperion, and Rhea, alongside their diameters. 

The mentioned moons all straightened up at this, excitement vibrating from their forms, and looked at each other with wide smiles. Even Hyperion seemed to release his tension for a minute to enjoy the sight on screen. 

“Woo! Including a minor moon, just like they should!” Pan crowed, grinning widely at the picture of himself.  

“As Cassini analysed the ice moons in ever greater detail, it became apparent that many of them were made of exactly the same material as the rings themselves.” The flashy grey images were threatening to give Titan a headache. “The rings and moons were profoundly linked.”

“Wait, you don’t think…” Titan turned to Dione, not wanting to voice his sudden thought out loud, but needing to get it into the mind of another who might be able to dispute it. “That the inner moons, the little ones, could be from-”

Dione silenced him with a glare, then frowned in thought, hands clenched into the soft floor they were sitting on. “I don’t know…but it sounds likely.” 

Titan sat back with a sigh, a nauseous feeling in his core, and tried to ignore the growing panic as the documentary continued. 

“But for all the moons that Cassini saw, it now seemed likely that one was missing.” The screen zoomed into a moon, the flashing getting worse before fading to black. 

The ominous music and harsh cut off rattled the room. Any celestial that had somehow not reached this conclusion already was being hit with it now.

“What? They don’t mean that…” Mercury trailed off in horror. The Earth had a sickly tinge to his face as he watched the screen, and his moon looked equally disturbed. Mars and Venus seemed to have anticipated this and mostly appeared to be resided to watching a moon die.

What interested Titan the most was Saturn’s reaction. The ringed planet was staring at the screen, unmoving despite Jupiter’s reassuring hand at his back. Titan peered closer, and was taken aback to see tears shining in his planet’s eyes. He…he can’t have known. I can’t imagine anyone being able to fake this.

But, then, why didn’t he know?

‘100 million years ago’ faded onto the screen alongside a ringless Saturn and a handful of moons. Another, large moon slowly entered the screen.

The sight of her, after so long with just a memory, almost brought Titan to tears himself . 

“When dinosaurs roamed the Earth, we now suspect Saturn had a moon in orbit that no longer exists.” The grey moon on screen was slowly moving by. “A moon perhaps 400 km across and formed almost entirely of ice.”

“It was that recent!” The living planet exclaimed in shock, frowning in thought. “I can’t believe I never noticed!” 

“You were a bit distracted at the time.” Luna also frowned. “I…I didn’t notice either.”

Titan wanted to reassure Luna, tell him that hiding this had been deliberate, at least on the part of Saturn’s outer moons. But voicing such a thing would bring a barrage of questions that Titan wasn’t prepared to answer yet. Maybe I never will be…but can I really stay silent though all of this?

Saturn, still trapped in whatever trance he’d fallen into, was openly crying now. His smaller moons were picking up on his distress and crying as well, only to be picked up by the larger moons in an attempt to sooth them. The ones Titan scooped up didn’t put up a fuss, just settled against his side and hid their faces from the screen. He was half tempted to do the same.

“But this world was doomed. It found itself orbiting too close to resist the immense forces of Saturn’s gravity.”

“Who was it?” Mars boldly asked, turning to the Saturian moons. “Some of you must know?” 

The room was struck silent. No moon moved to answer. Titan felt his already frozen core frosting over in fear. 

“...Chrysalis.” Came the strained whisper from Saturn, the ringed giant now facing the ground, tears landing on the floor beneath. “T…That was her name…wasn’t it?”

He didn’t sound sure, but the fact he recalled her name at all brought a spark of trepidation to Titan. 

“Saturn, what is-” Jupiter started, only to be cut off by Saturn.

“How…how did I forget…” He turned to the largest planet with a pained face. “I-it’s like everything about her is just flashes…I can’t focus on any of it!”

Titan felt a terrible suspicion warp around his core. He didn’t remember anything till he saw her on screen…maybe it unlocked something?

“Gravity is the sculptor of the Saturnian system but also the instigator of change within it.” The Earthling was suddenly on screen, walking beside the ocean of the dark beach from before. “We tend to think of gravity as a force that pulls things together, but it can also act to rip things apart.”

A choked sob from Saturn was all the warning Jupiter got before he found his arms full. The outer moons exchanged pinched glances, all trying to puzzle everything together in their minds.

“I-I can’t see how this is faked…” Iapetus muttered lowly, watching their distressed planet. Rhea nodded emphatically.

“I agree. Clearly, he forgot somehow…a repression or something?” Rhea continued, speculating out loud. 

“I don’t know, it seems awfully convenient.” Enceladus frowned. The icy moon had been the loudest supporter of Opinion One, and didn’t sound ready to abandon it.

“Convenient in what way? We knew he reacted weirdly when it happened, he basically shut down for a whole orbit.” Phoebe snapped. Titan didn’t like to look back on that time, but she was right. After finally responding again, their planet had acted like Chrysalis never existed, like his rings had always been there. What were we, as moons of such a large planet, supposed to do in that situation?  

“Think of the tides here on Earth..” While walking towards the camera, he explained how the tides are caused by the difference in gravitational pull between the Earth and Luna.“...which can be quite subtle, is also powerful, it can move entire oceans. It’s called tidal gravity.”

Luna himself perked up at the mention of his effect on the tides, but still seemed too uneasy with the mood of the room to say anything. The Earth watched this, frowning, before nudging his moon. 

“See, I knew they’d mention your tides eventually!” The living planet injected as much levity into his tone as he could, still painfully aware of the tension in the rest of the room. 

“Yeah! It’s so cool!” Deimos added, either oblivious to the room or rallying against it. Titan wanted to join in, voice a compliment or kind word, but when he went to open his mouth the screen had already begun moving again. Too slow.

“But the Earth also has a tidal effect on the moon, and because the Earth is an entire planet, that effect is much more powerful.” The scene cuts dramatically to an orbit just above the Earth. “The pull of the Earth is enough to deform the moon’s surface.”

“I-deform?” The Earth looked worried now. “I-I didn’t realise.” 

“It’s what happens to most moons, Terra.” Neptune replied in an unexpectedly serious voice. The blue ice giant smiled warmly at the living planet and his moon. “Any two objects with mass will have an impact on each other. There’s not much we can do about it.”

“Oh…I guess that makes sense,” The Earth muttered with a conflicted frown. “I’m still sorry, Luna, that I never thought of that.”

“That’s OK Earth, I honestly haven’t thought about it in a while either.” The moon replied calmly.

“The effect was particularly strong 4.5 billion years ago when the moon was nearly 17 times closer.” The screen showed an up close image of Luna’s surface. “Back then, the pull from the Earth caused a tide of solid rock to rise and fall.”

“Well, I wasn’t even awake when I was that close.” Luna frowned. Titan found himself wondering what it would be like to experience such a thing. Feeling your mantle be pulled at by gravity stronger than your own. Io’s probably the best moon to ask about that.

“If the moon had been any nearer it would have crossed what we call the Roche limit, a place where tidal gravitational forces are so strong, moons can get ripped apart.” 

“And planets!” The Sun crowed with a serious glare. “DON’T APPROACH MY ROCHE LIMIT! EVER!”

“Yes, Sun.” The planets replied in practiced unison.

“Do you have a Roche limit, Mars?” Phobos asked curiously. His planet turned a serious look on the little moon.

“Yes, of course I do,” He explained. “And you must never get that close to me, OK?” 

The little moon nodded, looking confused by the mood shift from his planet. 

“The Romans named the planet Saturn after their god of time and harvest.” Brian was near the ocean again, wind whipping at his hair, as he explained with a smile on his face. “And in one of the more gruesome tales from classical mythology, Saturn actually ate his newborn babies in order to prevent them from taking his power.”

“WHAT?” Saturn, who was still using Jupiter as a way to hide from the room, suddenly turned back to the screen. “W-wh-why would they say that? I w-would never…”

“It’s just a myth, Saturn.” Earth put in, trying to sound reassuring. “They make up all kinds of messed up myths. Like, Jupiter has a whole page on Wikipedia just about his affairs, and Neptune’s is almost as bad!”

Jupiter looked severely put off by this, shaking his head in disbelief. Neptune, on the other hand, just looked confused. 

“What’s an affair?” 

“What’s sort of interesting is that what we’ve learned from Cassini is that, at least metaphorically speaking, they weren't far wrong.” 

Titan wasn’t sure about that. Sure, his gravity had definitely been the death bell for Chrysalis in the end, but the events that led to it had only been partially his fault. And he certainly hadn't orchestrated it for ‘power’. 

“That man is far too happy about this.” Dione scowled at the screen, glaring at the Earthling. 

“H-he probably just thinks it’s neat that his kind got a myth close to right?” Tethys stuttered nervously, “It would be a bit cool, you know, to find out you were right, in a way?”

“Maybe,” Dione snapped, most likely just to get the rambling moon to stop talking, then continued in a harsh tone. “We need to decide what to do. Saturn, if he is only just now remembering, likely doesn’t remember much. He’s going to ask us eventually.”

“We can’t lie!” Rhea sounded horrified at the very idea of it.

“Of course not, Rhea, but we need to decide how much he…needs to know.” Titan said hesitantly, “We all need to be on the same page about-”

“Are you guys going to keep talking?” Uranus interrupted. Titan’s head shot up, glancing around the room. Everyone was watching the little moon huddle, clearly waiting for the screen to unpause. Embarrassment washed over Titan’s core as his fellow moons quickly fell silent, allowing the documentary to continue. 

‘Saturn, 10-100 million years ago’ floated onto the screen as it returned to the moon from before.  “Just beyond Saturn’s atmosphere, our leading theory suggests an icy moon must have approached close to, or even just inside, the planet’s Roche limit.”

“H-how did…” Saturn stuttered, now positioned next to Jupiter rather than on top of him, much to the largest planet’s relief. Jupiter still held his arm around the ringed planet, watching him carefully, while glancing at the screen from time to time. Titan was glad his planet had such a good friend here with him, during what must feel like a breakdown of everything he knows. W-we probably shouldn’t have kept this from him. Even if he acted like he didn’t remember, we still could have pushed a bit more, and tried harder to get an answer.  

“You guys know, don’t you?” A low voice made Titan, and his fellow moons, jump. Behind them, Triton was watching, his eyes analysing them for a reaction. 

“Triton, don’t sneak up on us like that!” Dione hissed, then asked teasingly. “Why aren't you with your planet and his gaggle of moons? I thought you were his babysitter?”

“I go where I want.” Triton droned, fixing his sunglasses. “Also, Neptune can deal with them just fine. Long enough for me to get the gossip you moons have been squabbling about since this started.”

Titan frowned at the Neptunian moon, reluctant to start an argument with the gruff celestial, but even more reluctant to talk about this. Unfortunately, the other moons of Saturn were looking at him for directions. 

“This has nothing to do with you, Triton.” He replied sternly, trying to project confidence. It faltered almost immediately when Triton smirked.

“Sure, sure, if you say so.” He drawled, then raised his voice. “I’m sure everyone in this room has nothing to do with you guys constantly talking and delaying this, furthering our time trapped here!”

Titan felt his core shrink into a lead ball as the room turned to face them. The orange-green moon glared at Triton and hissed, “What the stars was that for?”

“Look, I don’t care what little secrets you guys are muttering about, but keeping them ain’t gonna fix anything, believe me.” The moon sighed, “More importantly, I don’t like being stuck here, so the sooner this doc ends, the sooner I’m out.”

Titan tried to glare at the moon, but Triton was already waltzing back to his planet. The tense silence of the room, as all the planets, moons, and star watched them, was broken by the screen unpausing itself. This documentary has terrible timing.

“As Saturn’s immense tidal gravitational forces acted across the moon, it began to rupture.” The icy moon was held on the screen before the mass of Saturn. Parts of the moon began to rise from its surface as the moon was ripped apart. “Saturn began to devour its child.”

The room was momentarily distracted from the Saturnian moons by the horrific sight of Chrysalis being ripped up and away from her core, torn apart before their eyes. Titan felt himself shaking; he couldn’t tell if it was due to overall stress or the images of his old friend being killed in front of him.

The almost-dried tears on Saturn’s face were once again flowing freely. Unlike before, he couldn’t seem to turn his head away from the screen, caught in its light as it displayed his own moon’s death. Jupiter, similarly, looked sick to his core. The rocky planets had moved closer to each other, and were now exchanging nauseated looks. Uranus was staring at the floor, eyes shining, with his hands clenched. His moons, sitting nearby, watched him carefully. 

The Sun had a mask of indifference across his face as he glared at the screen but his trembling hands betrayed him. Neptune, further back than most of the planets, had gathered his little moons into a reassuring hug. Triton had just about avoided being scooped up as well, but kept a comforting hand in the pile of moons, which they grabbed onto gratefully. 

“This Earthling has some messed up wording.” The quiet whisper of Pluto caught Titan’s ear. The dwarf planets were still in their huddle, very quietly speaking, and still watching the room warily.   

“Up to 15,000 trillion tonnes of ice broke apart in orbit around Saturn.” The moon’s remains were being stretched out. “Because of the speeds the ice fragments were travelling, it’s likely that in just a few days they spread out to encircle the great giant.”

Titan recalled the moment he’d realised what the body of Chrysalis was doing. It had been a sight of wonder, as the icy ring was formed, soured by the grief of its birth.

“Saturn’s iconic ring had been born.” Fragments of ice filled the screen as they spread into a ring around the planet.

As the room watched the ring spread, Titan tried to find something to say. Triton is right, we can’t keep this a secret from him, not if we want to improve the relationships between moons and planets.

“I-I…” He began, horrified to discover his voice was cracking, and turned to Saturn. “W-we-”

“What are you doing ?” Dione grabbed his ear, hissing into it. “We haven’t decided what to say yet!”

Titan moved to shake her off. As he did so, Saturn suddenly looked right at them, turning from the screen.

“Titan? Y-you didn’t know about this, d-did you?” Hearing his planet’s trembling voice, he felt a wave of shame and fear choke his mind. This is it. The moment he finally hates you.

“I-I’m sorry, Saturn.” The orange-green moon lowered his head, too ashamed to look his planet in the eyes. “I-I knew. W-we thought you just…didn’t want to talk about it…”

It sounded lame, pathetic even, and Titan began to shake again. The silence rang around the room as all the celestials present turned their attention to the two talking. 

“T-titan? Y-you-you…why did you never mention it?” Saturn sounded so confused, and as Titan risked a glance up at his planet, the ringed giant had an expression of fear. “D-did…was it my doing? H-how did she get s-so close?”

“It-it wasn’t just your gravity, Saturn.” Titan steeled himself, trying to keep his voice steady. “She was being pushed. Pushed towards you…by me. My gravity.”

Before his words could sink into the room, Dione jumped up next to him, alongside Iapetus and Phoebe. 

“It wasn’t just him!” Dione snapped, staring across at Saturn. “The outer moons and large moons…our gravity was messing with her orbit. W-we didn’t realise until…”

As her words faltered, Titan tried once again to face Saturn, lifting his head. His planet looked almost in a trance, too overwhelmed with all the information to properly focus on it. Jupiter was frowning in thought, watching his friend carefully, while the rest of the room seemed happy to stay quiet during this.

“Why didn’t I know?” Saturn snapped out of his trance, sounding more solid than previously, and gazed at his moons in confusion. 

“We are sorry, Saturn. We were not aware until recently that you did not know.” Iapetus’ strong voice explained, taking some metaphorical weight from Titan’s form. “We had assumed you merely did not want to speak of it.”

“Yeah, after it happened, you d-didn’t seem right…” Phoebe took up the explanation. Saturn’s expression was moving from confusion to misery. “You wouldn’t talk to us, and when you did, it was like she-Chrysalis was never there. Like your rings had always existed.”

“I-I don’t understand…” Saturn muttered, turning to Jupiter. “Why-why did I forget?”

The great gas giant’s frown softened, and Jupiter took one of Saturn’s hands into his own. “I-I admit, I too thought you did not wish to speak of this, my dear friend. Now, I suspect you have been repressing this, locking it in your mind to protect yourself.”

“If it was to protect me, why is it coming out now?” Saturn’s voice rose in distress. “Finding out I’ve been oblivious this whole time is so much worse!”

“Perhaps, this documentary unlocked it? And now that some time has passed, your mind is ready to face it.” Jupiter suggested carefully. Saturn just looked miserable, curling into himself, hands clenched around Jupiter’s. 

Titan watched this with shining eyes, trying to breathe around the panic and fear that had coated his mind. His fellow moons, who stood with him, also appeared to be struggling, waiting for the next terrible sob from their planet. I don’t know how to fix this.

“Today, the giant ring has evolved. Saturn’s powerful gravitational field has helped keep its near perfect circular shape.” The images showed the rings at full size now, through the eyes of Cassini. “But collisions within have caused it to flatten out.”

“It is beautiful.” Rhea’s quiet voice broke the silence as the screen showed Saturn’s rings. “I didn’t know her well, but maybe she would agree?” 

Titan thought back to Chrysalis; her energy, her creativity, and most of all her love for Saturn. It had been both the most infuriating and most fascinating thing about her. She was so proud to orbit the Second largest planet, the one with the most moons, more than all the other planets combined. And, while Titan doubted she’d have wanted it to happen this way, in a strange way she would now always be a part of Saturn’s most unique feature. 

“I-I think so, Rhea.” Tethys, apparently reaching a similar thought, smiled tentatively at the other moon. “She was always saying Saturn was the most beautiful planet.”

“Now this debris forms a disc wider than Jupiter, yet, on average, just ten metres thick.” The grey images of moons from before re-appeared on the screen. “Within, moon-sized chunks of ice orbit the structure clearing great voids. Turning one ring…into many.”

“Moon-sized?” Pan, who had been blessedly quiet up to this point, suddenly exclaimed in outrage. “We are moons! And we risk getting hit by all that ice just to make the rings!”

“Y-you do?” Saturn asked, his voice shaky, as he turned back towards the screen and the moons. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise. Y-you don’t need to orbit within them…I would understand why.”

Pan looked taken aback by that, his outraged expression falling from his face, and he stepped towards the ringed planet confidently. Close behind him, the three small moons Prometheus, Pandora, and Daphnis, also approached, flanking the moon.

“We orbit in the rings to keep them in place! It is our duty!” The stout moon proclaimed. Titan was surprised to hear the seriousness in the little moon's voice. “We maintain the rings, as Chrysalis would have wanted. She told us inner moons, as she died, that she did not want to fade away from us. So, we keep her rings neat and tidy!”

The outer moons gazed in shock at the words of the little moon. Titan had never even considered that, as the innermost moon, Pan would have had a stark view of Chrysalis’ final moments. The idea that they’d been trying to maintain the rings this whole time, it was fitting, in a way. I just wish I had known. We should have talked about her…she deserved better than our silence.

“In places, moons have pulled particles of ice upwards to create strange peaks over 2 km high.” The screen zoomed in on these peaks along the edges of the rings. “And in just the right conditions, they cast spectacular shadows across the rings.”

“Truly spectacular.” Jupiter muttered as the ring ridges appeared on the screen. At his side, Saturn’s expression hardened into resolve, and he faced his moons again.

“My moons...I am so sorry I never remembered, or realised that I had forgotten something so important.” Saturn began hesitantly, gaining confidence as he spoke to his moons. “Like you! I-I know my awful memory has been hurting you, all of you. And, I want to fix this.”

Titan watched his fellow moons for their reactions. Dione, Iapetus, and Mimas seemed to consider Saturn’s words, while the more skeptical Enceladus and Hyperion merely frowned at the words. Saturn seemed to see this and continued.

“I know it will take a lot of work to gain your trust. I clearly have a long way to go till I can remember all of your names.” He implored, sincerity shining in his voice. “I’m only asking for a chance, if you will allow me?”  

Titan exchanged glances with the other major moons. Some, like Enceladus, still seemed hesitant, but as he met the icy moon’s gaze, he nodded. Rhea and Tethys were already nodding emphatically, looking excited at the chance to fix this rift with their planet. Finally, Titan turned to Dione and Iapetus, who gazed at him knowingly. I was pushing for this, a chance to fix things with Saturn, and now it's basically fallen into my orbit. I have to take it! We have to take it!

“We’re your moons, Saturn, of course we’ll give you a chance. We don’t want you to struggle to remember us either.” Titan proclaimed, smiling at his planet, who smiled lovingly back. 

They still had a long way to go. Titan was certain that his planet would ask for more details about the orbit changes that caused the death and he had no good answer for him. But, for this moment, Titan felt more hope than he’d felt in millennia. 

“This once tiny world of rock and ice, that has undergone so many great transformations, has today become the Solar System’s jewel.” The great ringed giant loomed large over the screen as it zoomed over its rings. 

Jupiter tightened his one-armed hug around Saturn, smiling warmly at his friend, who blushed back. Most of the smaller, younger moons began clambering onto Saturn’s bean bag again, and gladly accepted the giant’s arms around them. 

The rest of the room seemed to be slowly defrosting, shaking off the tension of the last few minutes, and finding their voices again. Titan was mildly surprised that the Earth had managed to stay silent that long. To be fair, what could they have said? They were just witnesses to all our drama.

“Cassini had deepened our understanding of the origin and evolution of Saturn. But its mission was far from over. Because just beyond the rings it discovered another treasure.” The image of a moon appeared on the screen. “A place that may hold answers to some of our deepest questions about the possibility of Life in the Solar System and beyond.”

“Wait, that’s the image from the start.” Uranus pointed out as the black and white photo of a moon appeared. “That’s you, isn't it?”

The pale ice giant was pointing at Enceladus, who was also watching the screen in interest, waiting for the Earthling’s next words. 

“Over a billion kilometres from the warmth of the Sun, just on the outer edge of Saturn’s rings, lies the icy moon Enceladus.” The Earthling was walking around on a glacier. 

“I like how they always put Brian in a place that vaguely resembles the topic.” Earth commented. “They had him in a desert for Mercury and dumped him in a dark place full of rocks for the asteroid belt. And now they’ve got him in a glacier.”

“They have to get creative. It’s not like they can send him to our actual surfaces. Earthlings are far too delicate.” Mars muttered at his side. 

“Enceladus is quite a small moon, it’s only about the size of Iceland, actually.” The Earthling was walking carefully, trying not to trip or slip on the ice. “But that does not make it dull.”

“Why would my size make me dull, exactly?” Enceladus snarked at the screen.

“He said you aren’t dull?” Tethys asked in confusion. 

“It was in the implication.” Enceladus insisted to the larger moon, who in turn just looked more confused. 

“It is the most reflective object in the Solar System, over 90% of the light that hits it bounces back, and that’s because its surface is covered in pure ice.” Titan wasn’t sure why they put the camera so far away and made Brian walk to it across the ice. “It’s also crisscrossed by crevasses, like this one you see in this glacier, but on a much grander scale. The largest, known as the Tiger Stripes, are over 100 km long.”

“What’s a tiger?” Enceladus asked, glancing at the Earth and Luna for an answer.

“A type of Earthling. It's covered in stripes that help it hide from its prey!” The living planet gladly answered. “It’s the largest big cat, and it’s one of the best ambush predators on my surface at the moment.”

“Hmm, sounds like a worthy creature to be named after.” Iapetus smiled at Enceladus, who seemed to seriously consider the idea.

“But for all its surface beauty, it’s what’s going on below the ice that makes Enceladus so special.” 

“Oh, is this about my underground ocean?” The moon in question asked, then sighed, “It’s not terribly interesting, I forget it’s there half the time.”

“Mine too, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important. Especially to the Earthlings, they love water.” Titan added.

“What we found beneath Enceladus’ shell of ice must rank as one of the greatest discoveries in 21st-century space exploration.” The screen zoomed in on the ice of the glacier. “But it was a discovery that had been hiding in plain sight.”

“Plain sight? We're 1.4 billion km away!” Dione exclaimed. 

“They probably didn’t mean that literally.” Callisto drawled in her usual monotone. “I think it’s a figure of speech.”

“This is a photograph taken by Voyager 1 of Enceladus in 1980.” He held up a tablet with a grainy image on it. “Now, nobody noticed anything remarkable about…” The Earthling explained that they had enhanced the image to see a blob on the side of the moon. “...It means that something is rising up from inside Enceladus.”

“If that’s what an ‘enhanced’ image looks like, I don’t want to see the first one.” Venus squinted at the screen. “It just looks like a grey blob.”

“It is quite fascinating that they managed to deduce such a thing from such a poor image.” Jupiter mused. 

Titan had a pretty good idea of what the Earthlings had seen, but it would be interesting to see just how much investigating they had done without going to Enceladus in-person, like Astrodude had to. I really need to find that guy and apologise…

“Now, when Cassini got back there 24 years later, it saw the same thing, but this time in much more detail.” The screen displayed the images of the moon, caught by Cassini. “As Cassini approached Enceladus, the anomaly revealed itself. Giant plumes of water vapour and ice were erupting from its surface.”

“That’s amazing, Enceladus!” Saturn smiled at the icy moon. In one hand, the ringed planet was now holding a page of paper, seemingly from Uranus’ sketchpad. 

“Y-you said my name right!” The moon’s expression of shock and confusion prompted Saturn to explain.

“Yes! I’ve started a list, so I can get better at all of your names! Uranus recommended it.” The ringed planet sent a small smile to the ice giant, who was already back to drawing, then turned back to Enceladus and the other moons with a hopeful, tentative smile. “After this episode, I would love it if you all could introduce yourself by name, so I can start practicing.”

As his fellow moons nodded, Titan felt a smile stretch his face. Maybe this can all work out!

“Over 200 kg of material was being released every second. But this material was not lost to space.” The camera panned out to show Enceladus near the rings of Saturn. “It seemed to be feeding one of Saturn’s outer rings, helping to replenish it.”

Saturn looked dumbstruck by this, and Titan couldn’t blame him, it was a bit hard to believe. Enceladus, for all that he came across as angry and grumpy, was surprisingly sentimental at times.

“Little bit odd, considering you’re the angriest one here.” Ganymede, in his usual, unhelpful way, spoke up. Enceladus frowned sourly at him.

“I’m losing the mass anyway, it might as well go to something worth maintaining!” The icy moon hissed, sounding oddly proud. “I just happen to be in the perfect orbit to do it!”

“Oh, thank you, Enceladus!” Saturn looked fit to cry again, gazing at the icy moon with shining eyes. Enceladus himself appeared highly uncomfortable with the attention, hiding his face by turning towards Iapetus. The larger moon had a knowing smile as he patted the smaller on the back.

“And these discoveries inspired an audacious risk. Piloted from over a billion kilometres away, Cassini was guided dangerously close to the plumes.” The little probe passed by the ice moon. The surface of the moon was shown, icy and cracked. “The craft passed within just 48 km of the surface of Enceladus. And Cassini was able to touch the plumes. What we discovered, thanks to a series of these flybys, was breath-taking.”

“Trying to imagine the Earthlings carefully piloting this probe around from so far away is kinda crazy.” Luna commented as they watched it pass by Enceladus. 

“It was amazing to watch. Enceladus was so scared it would hit him!” Rhea laughed, and much to the icy moon’s dismay, she continued. “He tried to hold so still, he almost messed up his orbit!”

“The ice in the plumes was actually frozen particles of salty water. We had found a subsurface ocean leaking into space.” Ice particles floated across the screen. “Far, far from the Sun, Enceladus was harbouring an ocean of liquid water.” 

“It’s actually really weird that I thought I could be the only planet with Life for so long, when so many moons have a lot of the right conditions.” The Earth pondered, then turned to the moons. “I’m sorry I never thought about it before. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have been such a rude jerk to you, Titan.”

“It’s alright, Earth, I already forgave you.” Titan smiled at the planet. While he and the Earth had a long way to go before he’d consider him a friend, Titan was confident that the planet was moving in the right direction, and he was happy to meet him halfway.

“And it was there because of Saturn.”

“Oh?” Saturn let out a small noise of confusion at the Earthling’s statement.

“Enceladus orbits Saturn in an elliptical orbit, which means the gravitational forces across the moon are constantly changing.” Brian explained as Saturn appeared on the screen. “It’s maintained in this orbit by the pull of another larger moon, Dione.”

“Y-you’re like m-me!” Io crowed, grinning at Enceladus. “G-getting all s-squished around! A cold v-version of m-me!”

The icy moon gave him a weak smile. Titan tried to imagine the hyperactive, loud Io being friends with icy, grumpy Enceladus. They’d either murder each other, or someone else.

“These ever shifting gravitational forces stretch and squeeze its heart, warming and melting its icy interior.” The two moons were shown orbiting past each other. “But Cassini’s data had one more surprise in store.”

“Aww, Dione, you’re warming Enceladus' heart!” Phoebe teased, grinning at the larger moon. Dione just scowled back at her, but Titan could almost see a slight blush on her face. 

“As the plumes of water ice were analysed in ever greater detail, we discovered complex organic compounds and silica particles that could only have come from hot hydrothermal vents.” 

“Oh! Yes! I love hydrothermal vents!” Earth exclaimed excitedly. 

“We know! Now shut up, you keep interrupting the Earthling.” Venus snapped, but his harsh words didn’t seem to dim the living planet’s excitement about the vents.

“In the frozen outer reaches of the Solar System we had found a warm, watery oasis.” The camera now showed a melting cave of ice, back on Earth. Brian was walking around in it. “Cassini has given us a glimpse beneath the ice…” Brian explained that biologists believe hydrothermal vents, like the ones on Enceladus’ ocean floor, “...were the cradle of Life on Earth.”

Titan glanced over at Enceladus, curious about the icy moon’s reaction, only to see he was talking hurriedly with Iapetus. Leaning closer, Titan could just make out their words.

“...it can’t happen, I’m far too small.”

“Don’t be silly. Size is not that important, you already have everything you need…” Titan lost the conversion as the room got louder, turning back to the screen, and felt mildly ashamed for eaves-dropping.

“All the ingredients are present…” He began listing the findings of Cassini, the warm water and ice, the gases (methane and hydrogen), and minerals.“...so there really is a possibility that there is life in orbit around Saturn today.”

“Aww, Enceladus, that would be wonderful, wouldn’t it?” Saturn turned to the icy moon. “With both you and Titan, our system might be teeming with Life!”

“If you say so, Saturn.” Enceladus didn’t look terribly enthusiastic about the prospect.

“The prospect of Life on Enceladus is exciting.” Brian explained calmly. “But if it’s there, it’s likely to be only the simplest and most primitive of organisms. And, given how violent and changeable Saturn’s past has been, this word of ice and liquid water may only have arisen relatively recently.”

The reminder of how often moons are damaged, destroyed, or even created in the Saturnian system brought an air of trepidation back into the room. Saturn’s previous excitement vanished in favour of a fearful expression. 

“I won’t let that happen, not anymore.” The ringed planet proclaimed. “Our system can be calm and safe, I’m sure of it!” 

Titan didn’t want to dampen his planet’s spirits, but the orange-green moon found it unlikely that a system as large and moon-filled as Saturn’s could ever truly be considered ‘calm’. 

“Now, we don’t know how long Enceladus has been geologically active, how long its had an ocean.” Brian was still in the ice cave, standing next to a pale wall of ice. “If it was only tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of years, that may not have been enough time for life to get going.”

“How long did Life take to form on you, Earth?” Neptune asked the living planet.

“Oh. Well, the Earthlings seem to think it started 3.8 billion years ago, and I’m only 4.5 billion years old, so about 700 million years, maybe?” The Earth replied, frowning in thought. “Though, that assumes I had the conditions for Life really early on, which might not be true.”

“But, if there is Life there, then we can glimpse its future, because there are still hydrothermal vent systems present on Earth today, and Life doesn’t just survive there, it thrives.” The camera approached a cloud of underwater minerals.

“Looks like we’ll get to see some of your hydrothermal vents up close.” Mercury commented to the Earth, who grinned back excitedly.

“Often found in the deep oceans along fault lines in the Earth’s crust, hydrothermal vents are some of the richest and most complex ecosystems on Earth.” The creatures that filled the screen looked nothing like anything Titan had seen previously, completely different from the Earthlings of this documentary so far. “Feeding off the bacteria that breed there, these habitats support a multitude of strange and complex organisms.”

“They look absolutely nothing like Brian.” Mars remarked humorously. 

“I know, right! It’s amazing how many shapes Life can evolve into!” The living planet smiled at the images on screen, watching the little lifeforms crawl and swim around. 

“While creatures like this will never exist on Enceladus, billions of years from now, it is just possible that this distant world may become home to its own unique forms of Life.” The screen showed some more strange Earthlings, crawling and floating in the water.

“Well, mine will look far more dignified while moving around, that’s for sure.” Enceladus scoffed at the odd creatures of the screen.

“You can’t really influence that.” The Earth smiled knowingly at the icy moon. “Life does what it wants! I could never have predicted the crazy things that have walked on my surface or swam in my seas.”

“But for Cassini, the brave new world under the ice of Enceladus was a bittersweet discovery.” The image of Saturn appeared, with the text ‘September 15th 2017’ next to the planet.

“Oh no, why is it bittersweet?” Neptune asked with a soft frown. Uranus, sitting beside him, just sighed.

“I don’t know why you got attached to it, we know it’s not around Saturn anymore, mate.” 

“13 years after it had arrived at Saturn, Cassini’s fuel finally began to run dry.” The probe was flying by the screen. “NASA couldn’t risk letting this probe crash land on Enceladus and contaminate a potential habitat for Life.”

“They might have crashed into me?” The icy moon exclaimed in outrage, “I thought they could pilot that thing!”

“It sounds like they did. And did it specifically to avoid you.” Mimas snarked. “So maybe you should be thanking them?”

“I’m not thanking the Earthlings for not crashing their spaceship into me, just because I might have Life!” Enceladus argued. “If I didn’t have hydrothermal vents, they’d have gladly crashed into me.”

Titan couldn’t really dispute this logic, but from what he’d seen of Earthlings so far, he thought maybe they’d have still tried to avoid needlessly damaging a moon. Then again, it sounds like they damage their own planet pretty thoughtlessly.

“And so the decision was made to send Cassini on one final journey.” They were back at the Earthlings’ control centre, watching them as they stared at screens. “A journey that would take it into the atmosphere of Saturn itself. A journey from which it would never return.”

“Wow! They sent it into Saturn?” Proteus gasped, wide-eyed as the probe began to approach Saturn. “Did you see it?”

“Yes! I remember watching it getting closer to me.” Saturn replied. “It had been in the system for a while, so I thought maybe it was lost, and crashed into me accidentally. I’m glad to hear it wasn’t an accident.”

“It was cool to watch, though.” Tethys grinned, thinking back. “I loved all the pretty lights it made.”

The probe whistled past the screen, just above Saturn’s atmosphere. As it fell further into the gas giant, the whistling grew louder as the craft struggled to stay together. The Earthling radio voices announced the silence of the spacecraft, before it began tumbling uncontrollably into the planet. “The planet that had borne witness to some of the greatest dramas in the history of the Solar System was now consuming the craft that had told its extraordinary story.”

“I wish they wouldn’t phrase it that way…” Saturn muttered.

“Yeah, they’re the ones that sent it at you, you didn’t ‘consume’ it deliberately.” Mars concurred with Saturn, watching with the rest of the room as the probe was ripped apart.” 

Bits of the craft flew off as it was crushed by Saturn’s relentless atmosphere. It ignited into flame as dramatic music picked up over the scene. “Cassini and Saturn had now become inseparable companions.” The last of the craft fell, broken to bits by Saturn.

“That’s a lovely way to look at it.” Neptune suggested with a soft voice. “They lost their creation, but now it will always be a part of the planet it was sent to study.”

“Yeah…” Saturn sighed, considering Neptune’s words, before smiling softly. 

“We journeyed out to Saturn to experience and explore this great beauty.” The screen switched from Saturn to the rocky, snowy area from the start of the episode. “But in the end we were rewarded with insights closer to home.”

“Yeah, more hot water full of germs.” Venus snarked with a laugh. Earth scowled at him.

“You don’t even know what germs are!” 

“Cassini and her team of scientists and engineers should be counted amongst our greatest of explorers.” Brian was talking to the camera, sitting on a rock. “The mission had all the ingredients, a vessel and a crew drawn by the prospects of beauty and new knowledge across an uncharted ocean to an alien world.”

“Do Earthlings tell a lot of stories like that?” Uranus asked, looking over at the rocky planets’ area.

“Oh yeah, loads!” Earth confirmed. “They get really wild and creative with it, too. They’ve even made up a whole living moon orbiting in the Alpha Centauri A system. And a planet full of spiders!”

“Sounds… lovely, mate.”

“And, as is so often the case in exploration, the real treasure was found in the unexpected shadows. In this case, in the shadow of the rings, where we found this tiny world, Enceladus, that may harbour Life and provide us with reassurance that we are not alone in the universe.”

“Tiny!”

Enceladus’ outburst aside, Titan was almost sad that this episode was coming to an end. He had been dreading Saturn’s reaction for so long, to finally be past it, was an immense relief. And soon they all would be back in their orbits, with a planet that was far more open and willing to change than Titan could have ever dreamed of.

“See? The beauty is in the story.” The Earthling smiled at the screen warmly.

“I completely forgot that was the framing of this.” Titan muttered. 

“Well, it was a pretty harrowing story.” Titania commented, smiling at him from across the room. Titan wanted to go sit with her, but he couldn’t leave his fellow Saturnian moons, and Saturn would definitely get noisy if he saw Titan talking to her. Best not to draw his attention to that…ever.

“Would it matter really if we found life on Enceladus? It would only be microbes after all.” Brian pondered. “Yes, it would matter.

“We are at a time in our history, I think, where we need reassurance or perhaps a reminder that there is beauty and knowledge and perhaps even Life and meaning beyond our shores.”

“What is going on with the Earthlings? That they need that reminder so badly?” Mars asked the living planet.

“Um, mostly just a lot of arguing, like always. But, they are starting to feel the effects of the Global Warming their scientists have been screaming about, so that’s making a lot of things worse.” The Earth sounded resided to this, but Titan hoped his Earthlings would surprise him and figure it out soon. The Brian Earthling seemed pretty smart, at least.

“We will, I’m sure, go back to Saturn and its moons, explore deeper, stay longer, and maybe one day even visit ourselves.” The screen showed a vast, cloudy sky, with the Sun illuminating it. “We don’t know what we’ll discover but we can be sure that the story has only just begun.”

“Well, I’d love to have them back!” Saturn smiled softly at the screen. 

While his moons muttered their own opinions on this matter, Titan quickly glanced around, watching as the room erupted into chatter and chaos. He didn’t know who he wanted to speak to but he knew he didn’t want to stay sitting any longer.

As he escaped the crowded middle area, he heard many planets and moons talking about the events of the episode. All our drama. This is going to keep the Solar System busy for centuries once the documentary is done.

The orange-green moon was walking along the wall of the room, admiring the little dots of light affixed to it, when he heard footsteps approach him.

“Titan! I wanted to talk to you, if that’s OK?” Saturn was now standing before him, looking oddly nervous. Trepidation reawakened in Titan’s core.

“Yes, Saturn, of course.” His traitorous mouth replied. 

“Good. I-I just wanted to say, I’m not mad that you kept that stuff from me. It must have been such a confusing situation, y-your silly planet forgetting about a whole moon. Who even does that!” Titan wanted to interrupt, you’re not silly, but his throat was frozen over by Saturn’s next words.

“Anyway, I was wondering if you would be able to tell me a bit more about what I forgot? You sounded like you knew a bit about what happened…” Saturn trailed off, watching Titan carefully, as the moon desperately tried to make his face neutral. “I-I understand if not. I can’t imagine how much it hurt to see all that again!”

Titan didn’t know what to do. If he spoke about what happened, he’d have to further voice his own part in her orbit change. If he stayed quiet, he would be denying Saturn answers to his own history. I…I can’t keep running from this. He already heard me admit it, even if Dione intervened, so maybe he’s already worked most of it out? 

“I-I’d be happy to, Saturn.” Titan wrestled his voice into a clear tone, facing his planet, waiting for the reply.

“Oh, wonderful! Thank you, Titan.” Saturn smiled at him, then hesitantly, but gently pulled the moon over to a spare bean bag to sit. “OK, let’s start with Chrysalis. What was she like? Did you know her very well?”

“I-I…yes, I knew her quite well. Her orbit was more elliptical, so she’d pass close to me and we would talk.” Titan began, the words getting easier as he gained momentum. “She was so creative, saw the beauty in everything, even spacedust. She always wanted to make things, out of ice or rocks or anything she could grab in her gravity.”

Titan took a deep breath. “B-but most of all, s-she loved you, Saturn.” The ringed giant had a tearful smile for his largest moon, encouraging him to continue. “She was so proud to orbit you, and…she would’ve called you the most beautiful planet, even before your r-rings.”

“Oh, Titan…I wish I could remember her.” The giant sighed, cupping a hand to his mouth. He seemed to ponder for a minute, before asking, “What happened to her. Y-you mentioned your gravity…?”

A fuzzy sound seemed to fill Titan’s hearing. He tried to shake it off, but it only got louder, till he couldn’t even make out the noises of the room. His mind replayed that moment on repeat, nothing changing despite the screaming in his own head. The moon’s core clenched tight, making him feel untethered and dizzy. Soft hands suddenly touched his own, making him jump.

“-itan? Titan?” The voice of his planet sounded distant and nervous, but the hands holding his own were steady and gentle, giant against his own. Saturn was closer to him now, breathing deeply and loudly, trying to encourage his moon to follow along. 

“I-I…” Titan tried to speak, but it failed in his throat and screwed up his breathing again, forcing him to silently try to copy Saturn.

As his mind started to clear, Titan’s embarrassment quickly overtook his panic. Stars, did I really lose it in front of my own planet? 

…At least Titania didn’t see, I hope.

“Titan? Are you feeling a bit better now?” Saturn’s voice broke through his inner turmoil, reminding him that he was supposed to be answering a question. He carefully extracted his hands from Saturn’s, holding them under his legs so they wouldn’t shake. 

“Thank you, Saturn. I-I’m sorry about that.” Titan began, and as Saturn opened his mouth to reply, the moon powered on, wanting to get this out before he lost his nerve again. “M-my gravity…I was just trying to get closer to her. S-she was crying about something, a-and I wanted to comfort her, b-but my gravity…I didn’t think about it. W-what it could do. I-I couldn’t stop her-” 

“Oh, Titan.” He suddenly found himself wrapped in Saturn’s arms, pressed against his chest as the giant hugged him. The moon just held still, not expecting that reaction and still awaiting the anger he’d been imagining for years. Instead, his planet seemed to be trying to comfort him. 

After being dumbstruck for an embarrassing amount of time, Titan realised he should probably hug back, before he worried the ringed planet even more. As he weakly returned the hug, he felt Saturn’s hug wrap even more securely around him, and the weight of it all seemed to fall right off of his form.

“It’s alright, my moon. It’s alright.” His planet muttered, over and over, as Titan felt himself relax more and more into the hug. 

Titan wondered why he’d ever disliked taking this form, if it meant he could experience hugs like this. Before, he would only take a humanoid form for the convenience of moving around, but he’d never thought of it as a way to physically connect with others. I can see why the rocky planets are always sitting together, playing card games. It must be nice to be so close.

After what felt like a millennia, Titan found the strength to gently push his way out of Saturn’s hug, with his planet gently placing him back on the bean bag beside him. The moon still held one of Saturn’s hands, feeling oddly reluctant to completely disconnect from the ringed giant.

“Thank you for telling me, Titan.” Saturn began in a soft voice, starting uncertain but gaining confidence rapidly. “I-I understand that you’ve been carrying this blame for a while, and it will be difficult to let go, but I think you need to, for your own good. It was not your fault.”

The words rang in the moon’s head, almost making him dizzy all over again. It didn’t feel real, that Saturn would ever say these words, that anyone would. He’d never even told the other moons how much his gravity impacted her fate, just let them come to that conclusion on their own. As the largest moon, it was always assumed that he’d had an impact, but they’d never known exactly what triggered the orbit change. Well, they’ll all probably guess it now, after I blurted it out earlier.

“T-thank you, Saturn.” He finally replied, feeling oddly drained and exhausted despite sitting still for hours. His planet smiled widely at him.

“I think we should head back to the others. The next episode will surely start soon, and I want to write down as many names as I can in this break!” Saturn suggested, gently standing up, and offering a hand to Titan. “Are you coming? Or do you want some time alone?” 

Titan returned Saturn’s smile and grabbed his offered hand, being pulled up onto his feet, and the two walked back towards the other moons.

Chapter Text

Honestly, Pluto thought he was doing pretty well, all things considered, and the universe should not be punishing him this way. He’d been reconnecting with Charon, meeting the other dwarf planets, and other good, healthy activities. Maybe he’d even been on the way to healing after his expulsion from the planet club. The Kuiper Belt was boring, sure, but after the drama that was the planets, maybe that was what he needed. But no, the universe wanted him to suffer, clearly.

They had been halfway through a new Dungeons and Dwarf Planets game, soon after Pluto had gotten back from the Moon revolution, and everything had been going relatively smoothly (despite his horrible dice rolls). All of a sudden, they’d found themselves dumped into a crowded room of other celestials; the planets, their moons, and the Sun himself. Pluto hadn’t known what to do, far too panicked at the prospect of talking to the planets again, and had instead encouraged the other dwarf planets to stay together in one corner.

This had gone surprisingly well, despite the odd comment from Makemake, and Pluto had almost imagined leaving this place without incident. Then, the documentary had turned to the Asteroid Belt, and the monosyllabic friend they’d found in the corner was suddenly the centre of attention. Suddenly being in the gaze of the whole room was pretty antithetical to Pluto’s goal of remaining unnoticed, but he wasn’t about to leave Ceres on their own. Ceres was one of them now!

After that had died down, Pluto had started to hope for quiet again. Until Charon helpfully pointed out that if any episode is going to mention him, it’ll be the last one. Thanks, Charon…

The fifth episode of the documentary opened to the same shot of a probe leaving Earth, before cycling through a slideshow of each planet, names displayed on the screen, while music played (The Void- by Muse). After Neptune’s form had faded from the screen, the music grew more intense as images of asteroid impacts, planet collisions, storms, and satellite destruction appeared on the screen. It ended with the same edit of the planets and the screen title ‘The Planets’.

At least one argument against Charon’s little theory was the complete lack of Pluto in the opening title. It made sense. It was called ‘The Planets’ after all. No ex-planets or dwarf planets needed. But, then again, Ceres was mentioned…and they weren’t in the title either.

“Maybe this’ll be the last time we have to hear this title song? It’s been growing on me, honestly.” Mars spoke up. Others nodded in agreement, but all Pluto could think about was the impending end to this. I can’t wait to be back in the Kuiper Belt, and I never thought I’d say that!  

“Far, far away,” The screen opened with Earth, then slowly moved to Mars. “Beyond Mars, past the storms of Jupiter, and the rings of Saturn, conditions become very different.” Each planet appeared as mentioned.

Pluto glanced around at the mentioned planets, who were all back to their bean bags, surrounded by their moons. Even Jupiter’s moons seemed to have migrated back to him after his shocking episode. Saturn was frantically, methodically reading and re-reading a list he had seemingly written in the break between episodes, while his system’s worth of moons settled around him, far more relaxed than last episode. 

The rocky planets were still sitting near each other, having dragged their bean bags a little closer during the break. Mars was watching the screen with interest, but Earth, Venus, and Mercury appeared to be arguing playfully amongst themselves. Pluto couldn’t imagine why.

Lastly, Pluto let his gaze fall on the ice giants. Neptune seemed as spaced out as usual, absentmindedly watching his moons play at his feet. On the other hand, Uranus looked tense, frowning fiercely at the screen. I guess he’s just as reluctant as me for this episode to start.  

Charon nudged him, grinning. “Stop looking so mopy, we’ve been waiting for this episode! We’ll finally see something we live near!” 

Pluto didn’t really want to reply to that, so he just smiled weakly back at his moon. Beside and behind him, the other dwarf planets appeared almost as excited as Charon, turning curious eyes to the screen.

“Temperatures plummet, and distances between worlds are measured not in millions, but in billions of kilometres.” The Earthling’s voice played over the darkness of space. “Here lie the most mysterious planets of them all.”

“Yeah! So mysterious! Like a creepy rogue planet!” Proteus sounded delighted by this, grinning at his fellow Neptunian moons, who all giggled back and began play-acting as this imagined character, all sinister laughs and tumbling fights.

“Kids, let up, please.” Triton sounded beyond exhausted, and as a few of the little moons clambered on him, he sighed dramatically and gently dumped them on Neptune’s lap. “The episode is trying to talk.”

“Ahh! Triton is the rogue planet!” Cried Nereid, launching herself back at him from Neptune, a playful giggle in her voice. The other little moons took up her attack, and soon the poor moon was swarmed.

Pluto couldn’t suppress the smile that grew on his face as he watched the gruff celestial and his fellow moons. I can hardly believe he’s a captured dwarf planet, he seems so at home in the Neptunian system!  

“Uranus,” The pale ice giant’s form appeared on the screen. “A pale blue marble hanging in the dark, frozen depths of space.”

“Huh, he said your name weirdly, Uranus.” Neptune commented playfully to the ice giant in question. Uranus, however, looked anything but playful.

“He said my name RIGHT!” The pale ice planet snapped, glaring at Neptune with narrowed eyes, and barked, “Why can’t you get it right? Even this Earthling can!”

Neptune’s face fell into an almost blank mask as the blue planet lowered his head. Pluto thought he saw Neptune open his mouth to say something, but Uranus had already turned away to focus on the screen. 

Pluto was embarrassed to realise he’d probably been saying Uranus’ name wrong as well. It seemed like the whole Solar System did. It was honestly weirder to hear it said properly.

The moons of the two planets seemed to be exchanging glances, with Titania looking especially put off by her planet’s outburst, and the two groups seemed to come to an agreement to sit a bit closer. The two gaggles of moons situated themselves between the ice giants.

“And, further out, the Solar System’s final true planet,” Pluto frowned at that wording, stung by the reminder. The deep blue form of the second ice giant faded onto the screen. “Neptune.”

They didn’t need to rub it in, Pluto thought, as the screen displayed the true last planet. 

A few of the blue planet’s little moons cheered at the announcement of their planet, but the planet himself still seemed to be recovering from Uranus’ words. He’ll be back to his usual self soon, it’s Neptune after all.

“Beyond, we thought we’d only ever find tiny, lifeless worlds, frozen to the core.” The screen faded to black as mildly ominous music played. “How wrong we were.”

“But we are tiny and frozen?” Haumea questioned, and Makemake frowned in thought at his side.

“They might be referring to our more interesting characteristics, like your rings, for example!” The dwarf planet speculated. “We are still frozen and small, but we are fascinating regardless!”

Pluto wished he could have even half of Makemake’s optimism about this. Knowing his luck, the Earthlings would mention him only for the sake of explaining his demotion. And the other dwarf planets might not even get a mention.

“It doesn’t matter what the Earthlings think, we’re far too far away from them to care.” Eris droned, rolling her eyes at Pluto’s pathetic expression. “Stop giving so much thought to Earth’s silly parasites.”

‘Into the darkness, ice worlds’ faded over the faint image of a rocky planet.

“That sounds like a movie title.” Earth laughed, then repeated in a deeper voice. “ Into the Darkness!”

“Yeah, a bad movie.” Luna muttered, glaring in embarrassment at his planet’s antics.

“Hey, it’s our movie, it's going to be amazing!” Neptune, once again sporting his signature goofy smile, piped up. Pluto was glad to see the ice giant hadn’t remained upset about Uranus’ words. And, while Pluto could understand Uranus’ frustration about the name issue, snapping at his friend wasn’t a terribly likely solution. I’m sure he never used to be this testy about it…but the last time we hung out was years ago now.

“We live at a time when our civilization has unprecedented reach, and we have a near-permanent presence at Mars, both in orbit and on the surface, and we’ve had spacecraft orbiting Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, and Saturn for extended periods of time.” Brian was walking along a dark beach.

“They have a near-permanent presence on me? I honestly thought it was permanent at this point . ” Mars sighed tiredly.

“Well, we know they’re definitely aiming for that. Mars colonies and all.” Mercury commented, not at all helping the red planet’s mood.

“I wonder when they’ll send another probe to orbit me.” Saturn pondered aloud. “It’s been awhile since that last one, Cassini.”

“I’m sure they have plans, Saturn.” Jupiter replied, then added, “They’ve already got another one orbiting me at the moment.”

“But, once we get beyond Saturn, things become much more difficult. The distances are vast. Travel times are measured not in months, but in years, decades, even.” The Earthling was now walking towards the camera, rocky cliffs behind him. “And that means that we’ve only visited the outer planets once.”

“Wait, how are we able to travel all the way from the Kuiper Belt to the inner Solar System way faster, then?” Charon asked at his side, frowning at the screen.

“Unless…it is taking us that long?” Pluto added, very puzzled by the implications that it may have taken 10+ Earthling years to get to the Moon Revolution.

“I don’t think so.” Earth, much to Pluto’s surprise, interjected. “Astrodude’s family haven’t aged significantly while he’s been away, and he’s been gone from my surface since before anything kicked off with the moons.”

“So, how are we so fast?” Pluto asked again, only to receive blank looks from the Solar System, “This is too confusing for me…”

“Each visit is a voyage into the unknown, as we strive to reach the most distant planetary systems ever visited.” Brian explained. “And, when we do get there, our spacecraft are travelling so fast that they fly straight through, only spending a few hours in the system.”

“They can’t slow them down? Like they did with Cassini?” The Sun questioned with confusion. 

“I’m sure they could, but the point of the Voyager missions wasn’t just to visit the ice giants.” Jupiter corrected. “They wanted to get beyond the Solar System entirely.”

“Jupiter’s right!” The Earth said, a redundant statement in Pluto’s opinion as Jupiter is usually right, and with a grin added. “They even attached golden disks to them! With loads of info about Earthling life and what they know.”

“Sounds like a silly thing to shoot into space for no reason. Don’t they value gold?” Venus muttered in reply.

“But that’s the whole point! They sent the records so that any alien Life out there can hopefully find it and maybe even read it! It’s like a welcome invite for the Universe!” The Earth sounded so passionate about this that Pluto almost felt excited as well. Alien Life? Being able to find out about other living planets would be way more interesting than all this Solar System drama!

“Aww, I like that! The Earthlings are inviting them over for a party!” Neptune smiled at the idea.

“But those few hours of precious data have allowed us to begin to understand the mysteries that lie there on the outer edges of the Solar System.”

“This whole episode is based on a few hours of data?” Uranus sounded disbelieving and frustrated. “How would they have found anything substantial or accurate with so little time?”

“They have surprised us before.” Jupiter corrected gently. Uranus just frowned and returned his gaze to the screen

‘Voyager 2, 1977’ was written on the screen beside the launch of the probe. The rocket was thrust into the sky, headed for the outer Solar System.

Pluto saw Neptune out of the corner of his eye, looking over at Uranus expectantly, waiting for the pale ice giant to complain about watching another rocket launch. Unfortunately, Uranus remained silent and still.

“Our first mission into the dark was only possible thanks to some help from the planets themselves.” 

“Wait, what?” Mars asked, “How did we help?”

“Each planet orbits at a different speed.” The images of Mercury, Mars, and Venus passed by the screen. “And, for most of the time, they’re scattered around the Sun. But once every 175 years, something rather wonderful happens.”

Pluto tried to think what event they could be referring to. That length of time was only a bit longer than Neptune’s entire orbit and much shorter than his, so maybe it has something to do with that? I’m not brainy enough for this. Makemake would be the one to ask.

“The outer planets align,” The grainy images of Jupiter and Saturn appeared. “Creating a path that leads from Earth, past Jupiter and Saturn, all the way to Uranus and Neptune.”

“Oh, so you guys didn’t help, it was just the giants.” Earth pointed out, earning a weak glare from Mars. 

“Oh, isn’t it lovely when we all line up like that? I’m glad the Earthlings like it as well!” Saturn exclaimed happily. 

“They like it ‘cause it gives them a free bridge around the Solar System.” Uranus muttered bitterly. Pluto hoped his old friend would lighten up a bit, if not in this part, then after it. I know he can be kinda insecure about things, but this isn’t helping.

“Voyager 2 had been launched at precisely the right moment to take advantage of this rare planetary alignment.” The sight of the Sun faded from the screen as it panned into the dark. “It arrived at Jupiter in a little under 2 years. Two and a half times more massive than all the other planets combined, Jupiter gave Voyager a gravitational kick.”

“You kicked the probe! Rude.” Earth laughed lightly.

“I think the Earthlings wanted to be kicked.” Luna countered at his planet’s side, but Earth just grinned.

“That makes it funnier!”

“Another two years on, and Voyager witnessed one of the most beautiful sights in the Solar System.” The probe floated on, coming across Saturn. “The icy rings of another gas giant, Saturn.”

After all the revelations in the last episode, it felt almost bittersweet to see the rings again. Pluto couldn’t imagine how he’d feel if one of his moons got crushed and destroyed in such a horrific way. While most of his moons, apart from Charon of course, tended to do their own things away from him, he still preferred them not crushed into rings. Thank you very much.

The rest of the room seemed to feel similarly, giving the rings apprehensive or sorrowful looks. Saturn himself appeared painfully moved by the image, holding a few of his small moons in his arms, and his larger moons glanced at him carefully.

“It’s making pretty good time at least. Four years and it’s already past Saturn.” Makemake muttered within earshot.

“And then, on and on, further into the darkness.” The little probe passed by Saturn and continued on. 

“You’re telling me that thing is carrying a record of Earthling history?” Venus sounded sceptical, “It looks tiny!” 

“It’s not all of Earthling history, just some ‘hellos’ in various languages, pictures, and sounds from my surface.” 

“Still sounds silly. What if the aliens don’t understand their languages?” Venus asked probingly.

“That’s what the sounds and pictures are for, obviously!” The Earth shot back, clearly getting tired of this discussion.

“Whatever!” 

“Almost nine years after leaving Earth, Voyager approached an entirely new class of planet.” The small blue dot ahead of the probe got progressively bigger. 

“So, ice giants are different from gas giants because of…their core?” Mercury asked hesitantly.

“In a way, I guess.” The Sun piped up, “It’s more to do with how much smaller their gas-to-core ratio is from the gas giants. And they’re made of different stuff!”

‘Uranus, 2.9 billion km from the Sun’ appeared on the screen as the Voyager probe approached the planet. 

“Yay! It’s our planet’s turn!” Ariel grinned at her fellow moons, but very few of them looked as enthusiastic. Titania cast a wary look at Uranus, who was furiously scribbling in his sketchpad, ignoring the screen.

“*The seventh planet from the Sun sits 2.9 billion kilometres from the Earth, a pale blue marble hanging faintly in our night sky. Barely visible with the naked eye, ancient observers dismissed the object as a star- too slow and too dim to join the family of planets.*”

Well, this is a great start… Pluto cringed at the wording from the Earthling. Uranus’ pencil snapped.

“It’s OK, Uranus! They didn’t discover me till way after you, and I’m much slower than you!” Neptune spoke up with a smile. 

“You’re not that much slower than me!” Uranus corrected harshly, “The difference in our orbital speed is only 1.38 km/s! Just face it, Neptune, we are jokes to the Earthlings!”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Neptune now sounded oddly serious as he gazed at his fellow ice giant. “They wouldn’t plan a whole route of flybys just to see us if they didn’t want to know more.”

Uranus didn’t seem to have a reply for that, just tossed his broken pencil behind him, and glared at the screen.

“...Why, exactly, do they think stars are slow and dim?” The ominously calm question came from the Sun, who was eyeing the screen with disdain. Earth, for the first time Pluto could recall, did not look enthusiastic enough to jump in and explain his Earthlings for once.

“Just like Jupiter and Saturn, the planet’s upper atmosphere is composed mostly of swirling hydrogen and helium gas.” The screen showed a close-up of the ice giant’s atmosphere. “And hidden beneath lies an exotic, icy mix of methane, ammonia, and water.”

“So that’s where the ‘ice’ part comes into it, I guess?” Mars commented.

“Do you have exotic stuff as well, Neptune?” Despina asked her planet curiously. The blue ice giant was still watching his neighbour with a worried look, but glanced back at the moon’s question with a new smile on his face.

“Of course, Despina! How else do you think I shapeshift!” 

“Can you shapeshift too, Uranus?” The small voice seemed to surprise the moody planet, who looked shocked at being addressed by his own moon. The little moon didn’t back down or give up, though. Just watched her planet, waiting for a response. Uranus’ major moons watched over her carefully.

“N-no, I don’t believe so…Portia?” He didn’t sound sure of her name or maybe that she was addressing him at all, but the little moon nodded encouragingly. “I’ve never really tried. That’s more Neptune’s thing.”

“It could be fun to try?” Portia suggested with a small grin, seemingly happy to have received a response from her planet at all.

“Uh…maybe.” Uranus sighed, turning back to the screen with his old frustrated expression. Portia looked crestfallen and scrambled back to Titania, who frowned worriedly at her and gently tucked her back into the moon pile.

“But, unlike the other gas giants, Uranus is almost featureless.” The Earthlings were shown analysing the atmosphere of Uranus. “For all the time that Voyager stared at the planet, it saw just ten cloud formations. And we soon discovered why.”

“These Earthlings sure do love cloud formations. They got excited last time about Saturn’s big storm.” Callisto muttered to her fellow Jovian moons.

“Some Earthlings spend their whole lives on Earth’s surface just chasing or recording storms. They can be strange at times.” Luna put in with an affectionate tone.

“Uranus, at -224 degrees celsius, is the coldest planet in the Solar System, *and with such coldness comes a stillness, the lack of internal heat helping to explain the inactivity in its atmosphere.*” The little probe was pictured near the ice world. “The first of the ice giants, in a permanent state of deep freeze.”

“I guess that’s one way to win a Sun trophy…?” Earth suggested aloud, glancing warily at the ice giant. 

“How come he’s the coldest, if Neptune is further away?” Ganymede snarked. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Uranus didn’t respond to any of these comments, continuing to glare holes into the screen, and ignoring everything else in the room. Pluto wondered how the planet hoped to get through this if every comment was setting him off like this.

“Voyager spent just six hours with Uranus, and as its gaze widened, it took in the entire system.” The thin, dark lines of Uranus’ rings could be seen on the screen. “Just like Saturn, Uranus has rings.”

“Oh, you have rings too? That’s lovely, Uranus.” Saturn exclaimed with a smile. Behind him, his moons looked vaguely horrified by his words, glancing apprehensively at the pale ice giant. Pluto followed their gazes.

Uh oh… Pluto did not like the look on Uranus’ face, scrunched up and crossed with lines of anger. 

“UGH! I told you! Multiple times!” The ice giant snapped, growling at the ringed gas giant in frustration, “I’VE HAD RINGS THIS WHOLE TIME!”

Saturn backed away from the furious ice giant, an expression of confusion and hurt tracing his face, and he opened his mouth to speak. But Uranus got there first, drowning out whatever he intended to say.

“I’M SICK OF THIS SOLAR SYSTEM! None of you know anything about me or even get my name right!” The increasingly distressed voice of the ice giant seemed to spurn the other giants into action, and Jupiter began approaching Uranus.

“Uranus, I’m sorry that we’ve made you feel that way, but you need to calm down.” The commanding voice from Jupiter got the ice giant to finally look away from Saturn. “You’re scaring your moons.”

“I-I…” Uranus’ head whipped around to his moons, all of whom were huddled together, and even the youngest moons looked upset now. Miranda was trying to calm the little moons with hugs, but they weren’t having any of it, not while their own planet was shouting. 

All the fight seemed to deflate from the ice giant as he saw this, and his furious expression collapsed into a devastated and fearful one. Pluto watched in worry as Uranus seemed to struggle for something to say. Jupiter and Neptune were standing near him now, also watching warily, while Saturn’s face was turned towards the ground. The tense silence was seemingly taken as permission for the documentary to unpause, making the whole room jump.

“The rings are so dark, so faint, that they’re very difficult to see from Earth.” Brian was now being driven around a snowy expanse in some kind of Earthling invention. “In fact, we didn’t discover them until 1977.”

“They didn’t-!” Uranus cut himself off with a defeated sigh, tossing his head away from the screen, and continuing in a scarily empty voice. “Whatever, I don’t care anymore.” 

Jupiter and Neptune exchanged worried glances, and both moved forward, but Saturn spoke up first. “I’m so sorry, Uranus. I-I don’t know why I didn’t remember your lovely rings, but I shouldn’t have made you feel so ignored.” 

The pale ice giant looked up warily at the ringed gas giant, confusion mixed with the hurt in his eyes. “I-it’s fine, Saturn, I’m used to it.”

“That’s not fine!” Saturn’s voice replied in shock.

“Uranus, it’s not OK that you feel ignored by us.” Jupiter concurred, gently placing a hand on the ice giant’s shoulder. “How long has this been going on?”

“I-I don’t know…a while, I guess…” Uranus looked distinctly stressed now that the whole room was watching him. He shuffled his feet nervously and glanced at Neptune for help. “We’re just so far away from you guys…it feels like we’ve been a bit…left on our own.”

Jupiter frowned, exchanging a few glances with the Sun, who was now also approaching the scene with caution. Neptune’s expression was confused, and he quietly asked Uranus.

“I thought you were happy with it just being us two?” 

“I-I was, but that was billions of years ago, Neptune.” Uranus sounded pained as he replied. “You disappeared, mate!”

“I-I’m sorry-” Neptune’s reply was cut off by the Sun, who marched up to the gathered giants.

“Clearly, this situation needs fixing!” The star proclaimed. Pluto doubted, given the Sun’s track record, that his fix would be anything good. “I propose we all sit down, finish watching this convenient documentary all about you, Uranus, and then everyone will know more about you. That fixes things, doesn’t it?”

The room was filled with doubtful expressions, but the star seemed to see none of them, only focused on the giants. Jupiter looked even more worried, and the two ice giants merely lowered their heads, clearly not too impressed by the suggestion. The Sun seemed to be waiting for more of a response.

“DOESN’T IT?” The star barked, startling the celestials into replying.

“Yes, Sun.” 

“They must be made of some kind of material that doesn’t reflect a lot of sunlight back, and we don’t know what that is.” Brian explained to the camera while sitting in the strange invention. “It can’t be water ice like the rings of Saturn, because they would be much brighter.”

Pluto turned to his fellow dwarf planet, trying to gauge their reactions to the recent outbursts. Ceres seemed to have barely registered it. While Haumea and Makemake appeared mildly interested in the drama, but otherwise unfazed, Eris was gazing intensely at the Sun. Pluto tilted his head at her, encouraging her to share.

“I don’t like celestials that don’t listen, that’s all.” Eris’ dismissive, snarky voice at least reassured Pluto that he wasn’t the only one troubled by their star’s solution to this problem. Maybe I should… no, he wouldn’t want to talk to me. I’m not a planet, and he clearly wants to be more involved with them, not some silly dwarf planet.

“What is the Earthling in?” The hesitant question came from Titan, of all places, who was still sitting next to his planet. The Earth glanced around at him in surprise before explaining in a careful voice.

“It’s called a car, or a truck, I suppose.”

“*Our best guess is that they are made of ice and some other dark substance, perhaps even organic compounds that have darkened over time. The most likely scenario is that just like the rings of Saturn, Uranus is surrounded by the debris of a moon, a world that once orbited her and that is now broken into the millions of fragments of the ring.*”

Uranus didn’t look too surprised by this information, just tired. His moons shuffled uncomfortably beside the Neptunian moons. One moon, followed by a larger, darker moon, approached their planet with a question.

“Umbriel wants to know! Did you know about this?” Ariel proclaimed her friend’s question, staring up at her planet boldly. Uranus turned a confused look to her, then to the dark moon behind her who was sporting a much more intimidating scowl. 

“I-I suspected something must have happened, but whatever it was, it happened ages ago, maybe as far back as…” Uranus’ voice was exhausted as he trailed off, and he didn’t seem all that focused on the conversion. “I-I think it was a collision, if that’s any help? A moon, or maybe a f-few, got hit by space debris? There’s not a lot of material, so I d-doubt a whole moon was destroyed, but… then again, I don’t know for sure.”

Ariel turned to Umbriel for her response. The dark moon scowled hard at the planet for a few seconds too long for Uranus not to grow uncomfortable, before turning to Ariel with a firm nod.

“You passed! Thanks for telling us, Uranus.” The moons skipped back to their fellows, while the pale ice giant watched them go in confusion. 

Pluto wasn’t sure what to make of that exchange. Next to him, Haumea was worrying his nails in his teeth.

“You don’t think I had moons that got turned into rings too, do you?” He whispered worriedly to the dwarf planet group.

“Maybe? We can’t know for sure!” Pluto wanted to tape Makemake’s mouth shut sometimes.

“They’re also extremely delicate and thin, and again that’s a great mystery, cos you’d expect the particles to collide and the rings to spread out over time.” The snow was being crunched satisfyingly under the Earthling truck as it came to a stop. “That doesn’t happen.”

“Do you think the big planets are going to talk to each other about…all that?” Charon whispered at his side, forcing Pluto’s gaze away from the screen to rest on his moon. She was watching the giants with a sorrowful expression. “I don’t want another revolution getting triggered, just because celestials don’t communicate with each other…”

“I…” Pluto frowned in thought, trying to work out how he felt about the situation. On one hand, it wasn’t really his problem as a dwarf planet not super involved with the outer planets anymore. On the other hand, Uranus was an old friend and he’d clearly been hurting for a while. If the planets could talk things out, maybe things would improve? “I hope they do, Charon. This Solar System could do with some clear communication, that much is obvious.”

When he glanced over at Uranus himself, he was surprised to see him scribbling in his sketchpad again. I guess he found another pencil? He really doesn’t take a break from that poor thing.

“So, something must be holding those rings in place, and the answer can be seen in this photograph taken by Voyager 2.” The Earthling showed a screen with the rings of Uranus on it. “You can see a bright, thin ring, which is known as the epsilon ring, and above it, and below it, you can see two moons.”

The Uranian moons raised their heads at this, attention back on the screen after spending half of the episode talking amongst themselves. 

“Oh! Like the inner moons on Saturn’s rings?” Rhea piped up excitedly. “Pan! You might have some Uranian twins!” 

Pan did not seem overly excited by the idea, but did look over at the moons of Uranus in curiosity.  

“The inner one is called Cordelia, and the outer one is called Ophelia.” Brian told the camera.

High-pitched squeals of excitement from the moons revealed the two, as they pushed their way forward to stare at the screen.

“It’s us!”

“I know! We look so cool!” The two looked almost identical, and distinctly reminded Pluto of Mars’ little twin moons. 

“You two, get back over here.” Titania called sternly as the twins tried to approach the screen for a better look.

“We’ll be OK, Titania!”

“Yeah, we just wanna look!”

The largest of Uranus’ moons did not look happy with this excuse, but only watched worriedly as the two headed away from her group. Pluto doubted anyone in the room would hurt them and Titania should know that too. I wonder why she’s so worried?

“Now, the thing you need to know…” The Earthling explained that when moons orbit in a ring formation, the slower moon or ring particle is closer to the planet. He further explained that the two moons are keeping the ring together by accelerating or decelerating the ring particles back into formation. “...and by that mechanism, these moons keep the ring nice and neat around Uranus, and, for that reason, these moons have become known as shepherd moons.”

Uranus stirred at this explanation, finally looking up from his scribbling, and looking over at his moons determinedly. Pluto was shocked to see a tear track on the ice giant’s face. 

“Cordelia, Ophelia, please come back.” At their planet’s words, the twin moons exchanged glances and hurried back, bumping into Titania on the way. The large moon was watching her planet carefully.

“I wonder what ‘shepherd’ means?” One of the identical moons wondered to the other as they settled back in with the group. 

“I hope it means ‘superhero’!”

“But what does ‘superhero’ mean?” They both dissolved into giggles, oblivious to the tension in their fellow moons.

“Now, we haven’t discovered any more shepherd moons.” The screen was back at Uranus, watching his moons and rings. “Voyager was only in the system for a few hours. But we assume that they’re there, orbiting around Uranus, keeping the other rings precisely in place.”

“My moons, can I speak to you, just for a bit?” The ice giant rose from his seat, but did not approach the wary moons.

Titania looked like she was about to refuse, but her fellow moons protested behind her, forcing her to turn to them. The moon huddle only lasted a few seconds, but Pluto could tell they had only reached a temporary agreement.

“Yes Uranus, what do you have to say?” Titania asked stoically, with the other Uranuian moons surrounding her.

“I-I wanted to apologize, since I never found the time before and now I think I really need to so-” He cut himself off, grabbing his sketchpad with shaky hands. “I-I…no wait, where is the start? I didn’t spell check this, so-”

As her planet frantically flipped through the pages in a seemingly desperate attempt to find where he wanted to begin, Titania’s expression changed to an exhausted one. “Uranus, just talk. We don’t need it to sound perfect.”

“It w-won’t even sound coherent if I don’t write it down!” The pale ice giant panicked. “I-I think I’ve found the page, just give me a second, mate.”

The moons of Uranus looked on in apprehension as their planet shakily began reading out his apology.

“First, I want to say I’m beyond sorry for my thoughtless joke about my rings. I can’t imagine how scary it would be to hear your own planet say such horrible, dismissive things about you. I was careless and you got hurt in the process. I know I have broken your trust, and I never intend to say something like that again…so-” Uranus cut himself off again to turn the page, but his shaking hand ripped the paper in half instead. “Um…OK, sorry, let me just…”

“Uranus, please.” Miranda stepped forward now, “It’s okay, you don’t need the writing!”

“But I do!” Uranus sounded even more distressed, especially because the page in his hand was now in fourths rather than halves. “I always mess up when I speak! Like when I hurt all of you with my stupid joke!”

“Maybe you can just use them as bullet points?” Oberon suggested hesitantly. “So you don’t have to do it completely blind?”

Uranus seemed to consider his moon’s words, gazing down in despair at his tattered apology letter. Gently, the ice giant picked up a piece to read it, then placed it down again. He faced his moons with a determined expression. His moons, in turn, did not interrupt, just waited for him to speak.

“I-I don’t want to keep hurting you guys, I want to do better.” He started shakily, seeming to doubt every word as he said it. “I-I’d understand if you can’t forgive me, but I would like the chance to f-fix this. I haven’t appreciated you properly, and I don’t want this to keep happening, you guys deserve a planet that you aren't a-afraid of.”

As he spoke, Pluto watched some of his moons exchange hopeful glances, directing them at Titania. The largest of the group still looked serious, but her posture was more relaxed and Pluto could almost see a smile growing in the corner of her mouth. 

“I-I know I have a lot to work on. I-I…” Uranus seemed to come to the end of his own memory, reaching down to look at another piece of the letter frantically. Titania stopped him, having walked up to her planet and boldly placed her hand on the scraps.

“That’s enough, Uranus.” The words seemed to send Uranus for another anxious spiral, but Titania quickly added. “I forgive you. And, I hope we can work together to fix this. It will take time to repair our trust.”

“T-thank you, Titania.” The ice giant stammered, watching in shock as his moons approached him again, settling back around his bean bag. Many of the little ones looked relieved, just happy to be back with their planet, while the larger ones seemed cautiously optimistic. “I will try my best, I promise!”

“The missing moons are not the only mysterious thing about the planet.” A close-up of the probe was on screen, which slowly moved to reveal Uranus. “Uranus orbits the Sun in a unique way, a consequence of events that happened long ago.”

Pluto had to admit he’d always been curious about Uranus’ odd orbit axis, but the planet avoided the topic like it was an asteroid. The dwarf planet felt a bit ashamed by his sudden interest in the documentary. This is still a breach of privacy…

Uranus, despite being surrounded by his moons again, was still frowning at the screen. It was hardly a hidden trait that he orbited strangely, but if the whole room was now going to be focused on it, Pluto feared he wouldn’t react well to distasteful comments.

‘4.6 billion years ago’ appeared over the image of the early Solar System, full of dust and debris. “Uranus was born from the vast cloud of material that surrounded the young Sun.”

“How did we get our names, anyway?” Mercury asked suddenly, “It feels like we definitely had them before these Earthlings came along, but they know all our names and talk about naming us?”

“I think the Earthlings believe they are naming us, and maybe something is influencing them in the right direction? But then, how did they name gods after us way before they discovered us?” Mars speculated in confusion. “Maybe they did name us and we just…forgot? Retroactively applied the names?”

The whole room seemed to dislike this theory and head-shakes were the only reply to the red planet’s words. 

“No, I definitely remember forming and knowing my name already.” Uranus muttered, then glanced at the Sun. “Did you name us?”

“I-I don’t think so? Jupiter was the only planet I might have named, but even then I’m pretty sure he just knew it.” The star answered, equally confused by the conversation.

“Not to make this more complicated or anything, but the Earthlings didn’t always get your names right.” The Earth reluctantly interjected with a sheepish smile. “They called Uranus, George or George’s star for a good 70 years.”

“They WHAT!”

“Over time, this material grew together under the influence of gravity, forming each of the planets.” A few snippets of rocks colliding were shown, then a few planets. “All orbiting in the same anticlockwise direction as the primordial cloud of gas and dust. This rotation remains to this day.”

“For some of us, maybe.” Venus mumbled quietly. Pluto heartily agreed. His own tilt wasn’t quite as extreme as Uranus’, but his rotation was similarly antithetical to the norm.

“Almost all the planets spin on their axis in the same anticlockwise direction.” Venus appeared on the screen as the Earthling continued. “But for reasons we don’t yet fully understand, Venus and Uranus spin on their axes in the opposite direction.”

Ouch, Pluto thought, not sure what I expected though, I’m not one of the planets anymore.

“You spin the wrong way too?” Uranus asked Venus, who scowled in response.

“It’s not the wrong way! It’s just…not the usual way.” The cloudy planet finished weakly, then glared at the screen. “It’s none of the Earthlings’ business anyway!”

“And Uranus is even more curious.”

“Curious is a nice word for it.” Uranus muttered sarcastically. 

“But it is! It’s so unique!” Neptune smiled at him, trying to bring some positivity across to the embarrassed planet.

“Not a good unique, Neptune.” The reply wasn’t as angry as previous ones, but still lacked a friendly tone.

“The entire planet is on its side.” The screen held Uranus’ form on it, fully displaying the odd tilt of the planet.

The threatening blush on Uranus' face was now a full expression of deep embarrassment, and the pale ice giant turned his head down and away from the screen.

Pluto glanced around at the room, trying to work out why Uranus was so ashamed of this, no one was laughing. The whole room was just watching the screen, and only looked towards Uranus in confusion at his behaviour. But still, no one said anything or tried to reassure Uranus. Too unsure or too used to ignoring the ice giant, Pluto couldn’t tell, but he knew he had to do something.

As he stood up, Pluto saw Neptune watching him, and as he met the ice giant’s gaze, he nodded. Reassured that at least one planet thought he could help, Pluto scampered over to Uranus. 

“Hey, man, you OK?” Great start, he’ll really appreciate that…

Uranus lifted his head in confusion to eye Pluto. “Pluto? What...?”

“I was just wondering if you were alright? You seem kinda…down?” Pluto was going to blame being stuck in the Kuiper Belt with only poorly socialised dwarf planets for his current fumbling. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, our tilts aren’t something we can really control.”

“Maybe not, but it’s still weird, which makes me weird.” Uranus countered with a sullen tone.

“Why is weird bad? Everyone has something weird about them!” Neptune had joined them now, but sat a span away from the two, smiling gently. Pluto shot him a grateful glance.

“I-It’s not the same…all your weirdness is a part of you. You like being weird!” 

“Why don’t you?” Pluto asked carefully, trying to figure out if he could even be of any help. I am not qualified for this.

The question seemed to give Uranus pause, and the pale ice giant’s eyes swirled in thought. “I-I don’t- I don’t like that my tilt is just…part of being Uranus. I-I wouldn’t mind it, or my featureless atmosphere, if it wasn’t all wrapped up in…that.”

“Your name?”

“Yeah, it’s…pretty terrible, isn’t it?”

“I can’t say I agree, it’s your name after all, and I like you plenty!” Pluto replied as sincerely as he could, trying to balance comforting the ice giant without outright disagreeing with him. Denying his problems with the name isn’t going to change his mind much.

“Well, I don’t like it.” Uranus firmly repeated, “It’s stupid and I hate it. No one ever gets it right, even if I correct them for a millenia. I hate being defined by it.”

“You are not defined by it.” Neptune’s soft voice broke in, slowly approaching his friend with unusually clear eyes. “You’re the seventh planet from the Sun, the coldest planet, and the one with a 97.77 degree tilt. You’re so creative! You can paint and draw and write better than any celestial I’ve met!”

“Neptune’s right, you aren't just your name!” Pluto added at the end, smiling at the pale ice giant. Uranus seemed to be in deep thought, not really looking at anything, eyes towards the image of his tilt on the screen.

“Thanks for trying, guys, but it doesn’t change much. The first thing anyone knows about me is my silly name.” 

Pluto felt frustrated now. Not at Uranus, but at the Universe. Why did they even have the names that they did? Because of the Earthings? Because of fate? It was silly, cruel even to force a planet that did not want a name to bear it. But, I’ve never heard of someone changing their name…

Pluto was reminded painfully of his own crisis after losing his planet status. He’d piled so much of his identity onto being in that group, that when it was taken away he’d felt like his own existence had gone as well. It sounded like Uranus had done a similar thing, piled all his traits and identity, good and bad, onto being called Uranus. But, as Pluto had eventually come to realise, maybe removing that label was the answer? He’d felt lost at first, sure, but with the help of Charon and the other dwarf planets he’d found a new freedom. Labels, especially Earthling ones, shouldn’t have this much power over us.

“Why not change it?” It felt almost sacrilege to voice out loud, and Pluto tensed for a shouting reply from the Sun, but none came. Looking around, he could only see bemused, curious faces. The Sun was frowning, but not angrily, just thoughtfully.

“Change it?” Uranus’ response was laced with disbelief. “I-I don’t think that’s allowed, Pluto.”

“Why not?” Pluto countered, more confident now. He caught Charon’s eye from across the room and she gave him a big smile. “If we don’t even know how we got our names, why can’t we change them?”

“I-It’s not been done before…” The Sun muttered to himself before glancing at his gas giants with a questioning look.

“I don’t see any reason why not!” Saturn smiled, turning to Uranus. “If it’ll make you happy?” 

“It might be hard to communicate it to the Earthlings, but amongst each other I don’t think it would be an issue, it just might take some time to get used to.” Jupiter concurred, nodding to the Sun.

“Very well,” The Sun approached Uranus, locking eyes with him as if searching for something. “If you would like to change your name, you may.”

Uranus’ mouth opened and closed in a stunned manner and he glanced disbelievingly at Pluto. The dwarf planet felt a bit bad for sort of dropping this on him in such a public place, but it needed to be said. He eventually stammered out. “C-can I think about it?”

The Sun watched him for a second longer, then nodded. The star’s signature grin was back and he added. “Of course! Now everyone, BACK TO YOUR SEATS!”

After almost tripping into the bean bag, Pluto was settled back with his dwarf planet group. The leftover fear was making him jittery and even more restless than before, but Charon wrapped him in a hug before he could find a way to work it off. “I’m so proud!”

“It’s not known for certain why Uranus spins in this way.” The Earthling was back in the snowy area from before. “But it seems likely that, at some point, probably in the distant past, it was hit by another planet, possibly the size of Earth or even larger, which knocked the planet over.”

Pluto had suspected that was likely the case, as tilts often happened due to collisions, but he hadn’t really considered the force of such an impact. It would have been exceptionally powerful to push a full/or almost full sized Uranus over onto his side. And spin him in the opposite direction. 

His moons looked similarly thoughtful, glancing curiously at their planet with fresh questions. Even the other planets appeared newly curious. Given the response to Pluto’s historic attempts to ask, they would likely struggle to get an answer. However, Neptune tried anyway.  

“Do you remember anything like that, Uran-” Neptune cut off his own sentence, looking shameful. “Sorry, I won’t mess up your name again. I’m sorry-”

“It’s fine, Neptune.” Uranus still sounded tired, but he had a kinder smile for his fellow ice giant now. “I haven’t even decided if I do want to change it. I don’t care if you still use it.”

“But…I was saying it wrong. I need to apologize for that!” Neptune insisted, continuing, “I am sorry, I should’ve been listening to you.”

“Thank you, Neptune.” Uranus smiled warmly, then added. “I’m sorry too, for being so rude and snapping at you.”

“Oh, that’s OK! I wasn’t angry about it, but thanks anyway!” Neptune grinned, then extended a hand to Uranus with a questioning head tilt. “Cousins?”

“Cousins.” Uranus agreed with a clasp of his hand, then turned back to the screen. “And to answer your question, I do sorta remember it, but it was very early on.”

“Oh…was I still around?” Neptune asked hesitantly. Pluto couldn’t imagine how confusing it must be to have forgotten so many things about your own past. Can’t blame the guy for being a bit ‘spacey’, I guess.

“Yeah, you were, but don’t worry about it.” Uranus sighed and didn’t elaborate, much to the disappointment of his watching moons. I guess they’ll have their work cut out for them, trying to pry the story from him.

Neptune himself still seemed thoughtful, frowning to himself in some attempt to recall an event Uranus believed he should know. The other planets had been talking quietly amongst themselves, too faint for Pluto to make out, but they quickly fell silent as the room quieted and the screen, apparently impatient for the interruptions to end, unpaused itself again.

“And, indeed, modern computer simulations suggest that when you do that to a planet, all the moons follow, and you end up with the planet and its system of moons, and now its rings, sort of corkscrewing around the Sun on its side.” Brian used his hands to demonstrate the motion, grinning.

“He doesn’t need to sound so happy about that.” Miranda muttered, glancing worriedly at her planet.

“It is kinda funny, though.” Ariel suggested, only to be glared down by Umbriel. “OK, OK, sorry.”

“It’s fine, guys.” Uranus interrupted, sounding much calmer and lighter now. “She’s right, it is a bit funny.”

Pluto grinned to himself, glad to see his old friend start to embrace his tilt a bit more. Maybe I should start an ‘odd tilt and spin’ club? But, then I’d have to invite Venus, and he seems a little…fiery.

The screen darkened to show a rocky planet violently colliding with another, before cutting back to Uranus’ odd orbit. It slowly zoomed in on the planet before harshly cutting to black.

“You were still a rocky planet when it happened?” Mars asked carefully, looking the pale ice giant over with his eyes. 

“I don’t think so? I definitely had an atmosphere by then. But the planet that hit me was definitely made of rock and ice.” Uranus pondered for a moment, looking sorrowful. “I don’t even think they were awake yet, and…I don’t think they survived the crash.”

“Maybe they became new moons? Like Terra’s?” Neptune suggested. Uranus didn’t look too thrilled by this suggestion, Earth and Luna even less so.

“You’d know better than me, I was unconscious afterwards.” Uranus said sheepishly, searching Neptune’s eyes for any recollection. After a few seconds of Neptune’s odd blinking, he sighed, “Nevermind.”

Brian was back in the Earthling truck, driving along the snow. “Voyager had taken us to the most distant planets we had ever visited. And now, an almost unthinkable distance of 1.6 billion kilometres of icy cold space lay between the spacecraft and its next encounter.”

“Neptune!” The planet’s gaggle of moons cried excitedly, grinning up at the screen, only to be shh’d by Triton. After the fiasco of their trip back to the Kuiper Belt, Pluto had found himself quite invested in the Neptunian moons’ drama. I hope this documentary doesn’t damage their relationships. Triton is so clearly beloved by the other moons.

“The size and scale of the Solar System is impossible to imagine.” He was now standing near a large light, by the sea. “But, when we scale everything down, then it becomes easier to visualise.”

“Are they going to try to explain our own home to us?” Venus snarked unenthusiastically. 

“Not to us, specifically. To the other Earthlings.” Earth corrected, then added. “But yeah, that’s probably what he’s doing.”

“Oh, great…”

“The Sun is 1.4 million kilometres in diameter. But scale that down by a factor of around 600 million, and it becomes the size of that light.” 

“They shrunk me!” The star gasped, eyeing the light suspiciously. “If they shrunk me that small, I’d be a black hole!”

“And the Earth, Mars, and the rocky planets are about that big on this scale.” He showed a small pebble to the camera. “And the distances are, I think, even more remarkable.”

“A pebble!” Venus sneered, “I’m thousands of times their puny size, and they reduce me to a pebble!”

“I think it’s just for the sake of the Earthlings.” Luna suggested slowly. “They struggle with big numbers.”

“So, Mercury, the closest planet to the Sun, would be all the way over there by the sea.” The Earthling pointed to the shore of the area he was standing on, and he made his way over there. “So, this would be where Mercury orbits. And Mercury is 96 metres away. It’s about just under a centimetre in diameter.”

“They didn’t need to scale me down that much.” Mercury muttered miserably. 

“I doubt the rest of us are going to fare any better, dude.” Mars offered, “We’re all pebbles on that scale.”

“And the next planet, Venus, is somewhere over there.” Brian pointed even further down the shore and also began to walk there. “We’d fly past Venus about 180 metres away from the Sun.”

“Thanks, Brian. ” Venus sneered at the Earthling as he glossed over the cloudy planet and kept going.

“You remember his name!” Earth sounded legitimately shocked by this.

“And then head onwards and outwards towards the Earth.” Brian kept walking. “Here, at the Earth’s orbit, the true scale of our fragility  and isolation becomes apparent. The Sun there, 250 meters away with the twinkling stars of the galaxy beyond, and here’s Earth.”

“They always get so poetic about you, man.” Mars laughed at the living planet as they watched the screen.

“Can’t blame them, I’m poetically beautiful!” The Earth grinned playfully at his friend, who just returned with a louder laugh.

“Two centimetres across.” Brian held out the little rock for the camera to zoom in on. “On that pebble, all of human history played out.”

“You’d think that would dampen the Earthlings’ egos a bit, being so small.” Europa muttered critically.

“Why? It hasn’t worked on you.” Callisto shot back in a completely monotone voice.

“At around 380 metres, we pass by Mars, the last of the rocky planets, and then onwards into the darkness.” The Earthling got into a water vehicle to head to another, larger area of land, leaving the Sun and rocky planets on the island. 

“I guess he didn’t have a smaller rock than Earth’s for me?” The red planet commented as they watched the Earthling travel away from the rocky planet island.

“He didn’t have one for me either.” Mercury muttered at his side. “I think he only had one pebble, actually.”

“Crossing the harbour takes us to the fringes of the outer Solar System. And, now, the distances and the sizes are beginning to get really big.” 

“Beginning to? They’ve already established that their entire planet is two centimetres wide.” Ganymede snarked dismissively. “That seems big enough for these little creatures.”

“Jupiter, the largest planet in the Solar System, is over ten times the diameter of our Earth, and there’s the Sun, 1.3 km across the harbour.” The camera panned out to show the distance between the light of the Sun and where he’d placed Jupiter. Brian then proceeded to get in a truck.

“It does put it into perspective how close we really are to the Sun, compared to even Jupiter!” Earth exclaimed as they watched the Earthling look back at the wide distance that now stood between him and the ‘Sun’.”

“Yeah, but this is normal for us.” Mercury added. “It must be mind blowing for the Earthlings!”

“At almost twice the distance from the Sun to Jupiter, we reach Saturn.” The Earthling explained. “2.4 km on our scale. And we really are now entering the twilight of the Solar System. Light levels are like early morning or late evening here on Earth, but we can still see Saturn in the night sky, because the planet and its rings are highly reflective.”

“I still can’t believe you and Jupiter are in an orbital resonance at that distance.” Dione mentioned to her planet, who smiled at her warmly.

“Me neither, sometimes. It truly is amazing how gravity can affect so many things at such a vast distance.” Saturn pondered aloud, turning his smile towards Jupiter.

“As far again as all the rocky planets, and Jupiter, and Saturn, we reach Uranus.” The Earthling was a significant distance from the town he’d placed Jupiter in. “3 billion kilometres from the Sun, and we begin to fully appreciate the distances Voyager had travelled, on its journey to the farthest reaches of the Solar System.”

“I understand how you would feel separated from us at such a distance.” Jupiter turned to Uranus with a serious tone. “And, I am sorry I have not done more to help you two feel included.”

“It’s alright, Jupiter, I understand. We’re so far away…” Uranus trailed off, then added more hopefully. “I have enjoyed being able to talk to all of you guys more, though. This documentary has been good for that, at least! I wouldn’t mind being able to talk…more?”

“I have enjoyed this as well, and I hope we can try to talk more often, once we’re back in our orbits.” Jupiter finished solemnly, and Uranus gave the large gas giant a wary, hopeful smile.

Pluto had opened his mouth before his mind had even caught up with him, and called across to Uranus. “Hey, it would be good to catch up sometime, too! If you want?”

Uranus looked surprised at his offer, but smiled back to the dwarf planet. “Sure, mate!”

“Journey's end, Neptune, a ball of gas about 7.5 centimetres across. 7.4 km away from the Sun on this scale.” The Earthling was now standing well outside the town, on a hill overlooking it. He pointed down to the harbour in the distance, where the light of the model Sun was barely visible. “And we are still down there on the island in Reykjavik harbour.”

Pluto recalled his trip back to the Kuiper Belt with the moons of Neptune. How Triton had described the distances they would be crossing. ‘ This journey is a completely different beast’. 

“I still struggle to understand how far we are from the Sun.” Pluto muttered to Charon, who nodded vigorously. 

“That Earthling light looks like a speck from Neptune’s distance.” She added, watching the screen in wonder.

“What a ‘Reykjavik’?” Deimos asked, lifting his head from Mars’ lap.

“The capital city of Iceland, which is a country on my surface.” Earth replied enthusiastically. “It can get pretty cold, but the island it’s on is actually really volcanically active!”

“And they still live there?” Mars asked doubtfully. 

“Of course they do! Volcanic soil is great, and they can extract heat from the ground.”

“Your Earthlings are weird, dude.”

“Little, microscopic ants crawling around on the surface of a pebble.” 

“Hey, they said it, not me.” Venus laughed, then asked, “What’s an ant?”

An excited gleam seemed to enter Earth’s eyes, and he moved to answer, only to be silenced by his own moon wrapping a hand over the living planet’s mouth.

“We do not have time for the Ant Essay! I’m being serious this time!” Luna hissed.

“It had taken 12 years, but Voyager had finally crossed the great expanse of space between Earth and the most distant planetary system.” The probe was floating through the blackness, before the screen showed a group of Earthlings clapping and exclaiming in excitement as the image of Neptune appeared.

“Aww, they sound so happy!” Neptune smiled as the Earthlings watched him come into view. 

“Do we finally get to see you now, Neptune?” Thalassa’s quiet voice piped up next to the ice giant, vibrating with excitement.

“I think so, kid.” Triton’s low voice answered, though he didn’t look as enthusiastic as the other Neptunian moons. In fact, now that Pluto looked closer, he seemed almost nervous. Ah, his little dwarf planet secret. He really must be regretting not just telling the others before. Now it’s getting dragged out anyway, and he has no control over it.

‘Neptune, 4.5 billion km from the Sun’ appeared next to the deep blue ice giant. 

As the documentary prepared to show its last planet, Pluto was again hit by apprehension about his own part in this. It seemed silly to assume he would be mentioned, but at the same time, it felt like a distinct risk. The Earthlings had changed their definition to kick him out of the planet club, but they still must remember him, right? Stars, he recalled seeing a probe once…but that hadn’t looked like Voyager. Maybe they had forgotten him?

“Cheer up, Pluto!” Makemake nudged his other side, “Whatever happens after Neptune’s part, at least we’ll be closer to getting back to our game!” 

Pluto smiled back at the dwarf planet gratefully. It would be good to get back, despite the dire situation they’d left their characters in. Back to Makemake’s ill-timed info-dumps, Eris’ sarcastic remarks, and Haumea’s infectious, nervous energy. And they needed to introduce Ceres to the game. Back home. Because Pluto couldn’t deny it; the Kuiper Belt was home and he wanted to return to it. 

Whatever this documentary decided to dredge up about himself or his friends, he knew it wouldn’t matter. What the Earthlings, 4.5 billion km away and counting, thought of him or decided to label him, didn’t matter. He knew who he was, and it had nothing to do with being either a planet or a dwarf planet. He orbited the Sun. He had 5 moons, one major moon called Charon, and a handful of good friends. Anything else wasn’t worth getting worried about. It didn’t matter how big he was, or what his orbit looked like. It was him.

He was Pluto.

Chapter Text

If this is another sign from the Universe, Triton thought to himself, I think I’ve pissed the Universe off. 

The moon (dwarf planet, former dwarf planet, whatever he was) remained sat beside Neptune, trying to reign in the other moons. They’d gotten so excited at the entrance of their own planet’s part of the documentary that they’d been impossible to handle. Neptune, as always, had tried some half-hearted attempts to get their attention, but Triton could tell it wasn’t going to work. He tried not to get too resentful about Neptune’s permissive approach to the kids, but moments like these really tested his patience. This, coupled with his recent inner turmoil about how he even got into the Neptunian system and if he could even stand to stay, were not helping his overall attitude.

He feared a few of the kids, the older ones, had already picked up on his low mood. Proteus had been unusually relentless in his bids for attention, and Galatea had taken to bossing her siblings around a lot more. It wasn’t helping, but it was cute that they tried. Ugh, this is your whole problem, Triton, you can’t stop thinking about them.

He’d originally planned to confront Neptune upon returning to the planet after the Moon Revolution, but those plans had been swiftly changed by this documentary, and instead the moon had bitten his tongue and stewed on it. He still wanted answers, more than anything; but the idea that the little ones would see had stayed his hand, for now. Forcing the kids to watch him argue with their planet. Forcing them to pick a side. It wasn’t something Triton was willing to risk. The other moons were clearly attached to him, sure, but they also adored Neptune. Wrenching a divide between him and his planet would risk more than each other. It would risk the kids, and Triton would never.

Grabbing a stray Larissa as she dashed past him, Triton firmly placed her in the bean bag Neptune was occupying. Her wiggling had dislodged his sunglasses, so he quickly righted them. Trying to channel his voice into a commanding tone, he spoke to the little moons. 

“Guys, the documentary won’t continue till you calm down.” He turned his gaze firmly on Proteus, who had the grace to look sheepish. “Sit. Down.”

Thankfully, this seemed to work. The other moons of Neptune found their places either on the bean bag or beside Triton, watching the screen with anticipation.

“Neptune.” The dark blue planet hung on the screen as the Earthling spoke. “17 times the mass of the Earth, and even more massive than Uranus.”

Triton tried to resist the urge to glance at Uranus. The other ice giant had been quite distressed by his own section, but at least it had settled in the end, as far as he could tell. Now, the pale ice giant was sitting alongside his moons, closer than they’d been previously during this whole situation, and he didn’t have more than a mild expression of resignation. Guess that’s the best you can hope for.

“Wait. How come Uranus is larger than Neptune then? Diameter wise, at least.” Mercury questioned. Ever since the ice giant’s little blow up, Triton had noticed the other celestials were far more careful than usual about the pronunciation of his name.

“Higher mass causes higher gravitational pressures, so his atmosphere is more ‘pulled in’ than Uranus’.” Jupiter spoke up to explain. “This means he has a thicker atmosphere as well.”

“I’m just happy they used their ‘Earth’ measuring system on me. I already knew you could fit 57 Earth’s inside me, but now I know I have the mass of 17 Earths! It really puts things into perspective.” Neptune grinned, and Triton, as always, couldn’t tell how serious the planet was being. 

“Yeah, it puts into perspective how dense Earth is.” Venus snarked.

“Hey!”

“*Even the discovery of Neptune played out in darkness. The last of the planets to be discovered, it is the only one whose existence we predicted before it was ever observed by the human eye.*”

“They couldn’t find you?” Thalassa asked her planet. “You must have been really good at hiding!”

“Nah, they just weren’t looking hard enough!” Neptune smiled at her.

“That’s actually kinda true. The Earthlings think they saw you as far back as Galileo, but just thought you were a star.” The Earth piped up, startling Thalassa. “They only started looking properly after they found Uranus.”

“What did I have to do with it?” Uranus questioned in confusion. “We may be neighbours, but I’m still pretty far away from Neptune.”

“They noticed your orbit wasn’t following their understanding of physics. You were being pulled and pushed by Neptune’s gravity when you were nearer to him.” Earth answered excitedly. “Isn't it amazing how smart they are?”

“Sure, mate.” 

“But, in contrast to its sister planet, Neptune’s atmosphere is bursting with activity.” The screen slowly watched Neptune’s atmosphere turn beneath it. The images of storms and lightning lit the room.

“They love calling all of us sisters, don’t they?” Mars muttered in question. “First it was Earth and me, and now the ice giants.”

“It is a little odd. I mean, apart from Venus, mostly all of you guys are named after traditionally male gods.” Earth added thoughtfully. “Though, my myth-accurate name is usually feminine, so maybe they just think all planets are female because of that?”

 “They could ask.” Venus grumbled his complaint.

“Astrodude barely comprehends our existence. Asking him to relay our pronouns to all the Earthlings is a bit of a stretch, don’t you think?” Luna commented, then added. “Does it even matter? We never have to talk to them anyway.”

“It’s still rude of them.”

“Why do we have genders at all? Aren’t we lumps of rock and gas?” Neptune’s question fizzled the room into a thoughtful, awkward silence. No one seemed to have a reply for him, and soon the screen decided it was quiet enough to unpause.

“What we found was a planet of extreme weather, where high altitude winds whip white methane clouds around at speeds of over 2,000 km/h.” Brian the Earthling was standing in a wind storm, probably just to prove a point, and his hair was suffering for it. “Those are the highest wind speeds anywhere in the Solar System.”

“Why did he feel the need to stand in a storm for this?” The Sun asked, peering condescending at the screen. “He looks very silly.”

“Maybe the Earthling audience needed to be reminded of what wind is?” Saturn offered, frowning in thought.

“I doubt they’d forget what wind is. It's not exactly rare.” Luna remarked, unconvinced by Saturn’s idea. “Maybe they thought it would be funny?”

Triton was momentarily distracted from the chatter of the other celestials by a tug on his arm. He looked down to find Nereid, who opened her mouth as soon as she had his attention. 

“Come sit with us! On the bean bag. It’s so soft!” She implored, gazing at him intensely. He knew what she was trying to do. Nereid was too smart not to have picked up on his worsening mood, but he really didn’t think snuggling up beside Neptune would help in any way. 

“Nah, sorry kid. I’m not in a cuddly mood.” He replied, hoping some honesty would at least satisfy her worry a bit. 

“Why not?” She sounded so confused, Triton was momentarily worried that he’d said something different. “Neptune says ‘hugs help with moods’! What kinda mood is a ‘not hugging’ mood?”

“Don’t worry about it, Nereid. It means I feel fine, and a hug doesn’t have anything to fix, so it’s not as useful.” He fumbled a bit with this poor explanation, but he really, really, did not want to end up on the bean bag. “Thank you for the offer, though.”

Nereid didn’t look convinced. and remained stubbornly sitting by his side. Egh, close enough, I guess.

‘Southern hemisphere great dark spot’ appeared in the corner of the screen over a close up of a dark storm system in Neptune’s atmosphere. “And Voyager saw a great, dark spot, not unlike Jupiter’s great, red spot. A storm system the size of the Earth, that, when we looked only four or five years later, we found had vanished.”

“Aww, it would’ve been nice to keep it.” Neptune commented mildly, then asked Jupiter. “How did you get yours to last so long?”

“I’m not sure, my friend. It is likely due to your much faster wind speeds that your spot dissipated so quickly.” Jupiter replied gently, then added. “Though, that probably means you will have many more spots in the future, for the Earthlings to get excited about.”

“Oh, that would be fun!” Neptune grinned at the larger giant.

“But over the years, we’ve observed more storms raging over the planet.” The blue storm flashed again, then cut to Brian in the wind again. “It’s one of the great mysteries of planetary exploration, why a planet so far from the Sun, with so little energy falling into its atmosphere from sunlight, can have the most extreme winds in the Solar System.”

“He looks like he’s about to fall over.” Titan mumbled with a concerned look.

“It would at least be funny if he does. Aren't Earth’s winds way weaker than anything Neptune’s real atmosphere would do to him?” Enceladus responded in a bored tone.

“I’m pretty sure if they put him in Neptune’s atmosphere, he’d be squished and shredded into bits.” Dione droned beside him, “Then he’d get crushed into diamonds, like Saturn’s atmosphere.”

“Can we maybe stop talking about how the Earthling would die, please?” Rhea asked, looking distinctly nauseated.

“And Voyager made yet another puzzling discovery.” 

Triton already had a likely idea of what had been noticed about Neptune. As he orbited said planet, Triton was pretty sure anything the Earthlings discovered wouldn’t be terribly new to him. No, what really worried him was the distinct likelihood of his own existence being mentioned. While he hated to give too much credit to the Earthlings, it was clear they were intelligent and if they had seen him, they would be able to deduce his origins just like Pluto had. And, as with this whole documentary so far, they’ll let the comet out of the wormhole.

‘Average temperature -214 degrees celsius’ flickered next to the image of Neptune. “Although further from the Sun, the planet is warmer than Uranus.”

“OK, how does that make sense?” Ganymede’s incredulous voice sounded around the room. “He’s way further from the Sun, but he’s warmer?”

“I-I mean, a l-lot more than j-just distance must go into s-such a thing, r-right Jupiter?” Io asked his planet.

“You’re quite right, Io. I’m sure the Earthlings will explain further if we let them.” The great gas giant smiled at his moons. Triton was glad to see that at least this documentary had helped some of the issues the Moon Revolution had been ignited by. I guess it wasn’t all a waste.

“*All of the planets, including Uranus and Neptune, have some residual heat locked deep inside them...This far out, Uranus has rapidly lost this heat and today radiates just 1.1 times the energy it receives from the Sun, so that the heat radiating from its core is too little to drive any kind of dynamic weather system…Neptune, it seems, has a far warmer heart.*”

“Aww, that’s a sweet way to phrase it, isn’t it, Jupiter?” Saturn looked over at his fellow gas giant. Jupiter smiled back, but looked thoughtfully at Uranus.

“Maybe, my friend. But how hot any planet’s core is has no real reflection on their personality or qualities.”

“Oh! Of course not! Otherwise, I guess the rocky planets would be quite mean.” Saturn corrected, then overcorrected, earning him an incredulous look from the rocky planets in question. Triton didn’t know those planets well enough to tell if Saturn was joking or not. Either way, core temperature can’t have an impact, or the little ones would be the grumpy ones, not me.

Triton was momentarily surprised that he hadn’t disagreed with Saturn’s first statement. In all the time he’d known the ice giant, he had indeed been warm; warm to the kids, warm to the other planets, even warm to him. It had always felt uncomfortable though, as Triton would never respond or accept the gestures. The large moon didn’t know what to think. If he did capture me, then why is he so kind to me? I guess I won’t know till I ask…

“The source of this extra heat remains a mystery.” The Earthling explained. “But, for some reason, Neptune emits over two and a half times the heat it receives from the Sun.”

“Will they send more probes? To work out why Neptune is so hot?” Mercury asked, only to be met by a giggling Earth. Mars just sighed and shook his head.

“I’m sure they will, Mercury.” Jupiter finally answered the smallest planet. “They don’t seem like the type to let a mystery stay that way.”

“And this internal heat helps to explain the ferocious storms.” The blue clouds were back, streaked with lightning flashes. “As the heat makes its way from the core of the planet and out into space, it churns up the entire atmosphere, creating winds unlike anything seen elsewhere in the Solar System.”

“Wow! Your atmosphere is so cool, Neptune!” Proteus grinned at his planet excitedly. Neptune returned the smile happily. A wave of deep reluctance swamped over Triton’s core. What am I going to do…I can’t tell the little ones what happened, they’ll be heartbroken. 

“The probable reason that wind speeds can be so high is because there’s no solid surface on a planet like Neptune.” Brian was, once again, in the wind storm, shouting to be heard over the noise. “It’s exotic liquids further down, and gases further up.”

“Just like you, Uranus!” Neptune grinned at his friend. 

“I guess…my winds aren’t nearly as fast though.” Uranus reluctantly replied.

“Ah, what does that matter?” Neptune dismissed. “High winds are overrated.”

“But there’s no rocky surface. There are no mountains and continents to break up the flow of atmospheric gases, and so the winds can just whip around the planet at supersonic speeds.”

“Doesn’t that get annoying? I know my winds get really irritating once they pass the 200 mph mark during storms.” Earth asked the blue ice giant.

“Nope! But, I guess I just don’t notice any difference since my wind speed is pretty constant.” Neptune replied, blinking oddly at the living planet. “Fast, loud winds are what I’m used to!”

Triton wasn’t sure if he believed that. Maybe he didn’t notice any effect, but the moon had always attributed at least part of Neptune’s scattered personality to his high wind speeds. Triton’s own atmosphere was small, but large enough to be significant and even he’d noticed how much pressure changes could impact his thoughts. 

“Voyager 2 had almost completed its grand tour of the Solar System.” The little probe was moving away from Neptune. 

Triton tried not to get his hopes up too high that the documentary would move on without even mentioning him. I could relax a bit, at least.

“Almost? Where is it going next?” Uranus asked, turning to Pluto. “I swear you were nowhere near our orbital line-up when Voyager went by.”

“I don’t remember seeing that little probe, no.” Pluto agreed, then much to Triton’s horror, glanced at him. Ugh, now he’s manifested it.

“But before it began its lonely journey out into interstellar space, it had one last world to visit.” Triton felt his core drop as the probe approached a suspiciously familiar-looking moon. 

Stars, Triton sighed internally, adjusting his sunglasses, so much for relaxing, I guess.

‘Triton, largest of Neptune’s 14 moons.’ trailed onto the screen beside an image of himself.

“Triton!” The moons of Neptune cried in joy, tumbling off of the ice giant’s seat to crowd around him. Triton tried his best to look neutral, but he knew he’d failed when Galatea frowned at his face.

“Big brother?” She asked carefully, and Triton panicked. Stars, get it together dude!

“I’m fine, Galatea, just a bit surprised is all.” He tried. Luckily, she seemed to accept this enough to stop watching him so closely. 

“Well, you are my largest moon, it makes sense that they’d mention you!” Neptune, who had been watching the attack play out with a smile, suddenly added. Triton tried not to frown. It was silly to hope otherwise, given the previous episodes. But I don’t need Neptune, of all celestials, to point that out.

“Mate, don’t you have 16 moons, not 14?” Uranus asked the other ice giant.

“Oh! I guess this was made before they discovered S/2002 N 5 and S/2021 N 1!” Neptune’s chipper voice replied.

“Triton, a vast moon covered in a sheen of frozen nitrogen.” The camera lingered on the image while the Earthling spoke. “We expected it to be a silent, still world, but Voyager was in for one, last surprise.” 

“I’m starting to think these Earthlings will never find a truly ‘silent and still’ world. They seem to find something interesting about everyone.” Triton muttered to himself. He was not looking forward to hearing whatever conclusions the nosy little creatures had come to about him.

“Ah, that’s just a selection bias, Triton.” Neptune unhelpfully put in. “They’re probably only mentioning the ones they found interesting, not every single one they found.”

“Whatever.”

The camera showed some odd grey pictures, then switched to an above shot of a geyser erupting. It slowly panned over Triton’s surface, displaying his own geysers erupting. “But, when Voyager arrived, we saw geological activity on that frozen world.”

“Geysers? Again?” Mars sounded incredulous. “First me, then Enceladus. They aren’t going to suggest that Triton has the conditions for Life too, are they?”

“I doubt it.” Triton decided to nip this one in the bud, just to aid his sanity a bit. “My geysers aren’t water vapor.”

“Ah, that makes more sense. You’re way too far out!” The Earth, who had apparently been listening, piped up.

“We saw geysers erupting up into space 8 km high, and then carrying dark material 100 km downwind.” The Earthling was standing near one of Earth’s geysers as it shot water into the air. 

“That was great timing from the geyser.” Mercury commented mildly as the geyser rose up seemingly on que.

Triton wasn’t sure what to make of this. He knew he had geysers, but he struggled to see why the Earthlings were so fascinated by them. Maybe they really are just obsessed with finding anything even slightly resembling their planet.

“Now, the key to understanding what process caused…” Brian explained that they noticed the geysers were always under the sunlight. They then worked out that the sunlight was heating up darker particles under his surface. “...a difference of just 4 degrees celsius is enough for the heat to radiate up and vaporise the frozen nitrogen, creating gas.”

“Can we have geysers too?” Neso asked with a hopeful expression. Triton’s reply felt automatic.

“Maybe one day.” That always seemed to be his answer to the kids’ excitement about any features they might get. Even if it was likely impossible for such small moons to ever experience such things, he wasn’t about to be the one to break it to them.

“That gas is under pressure, and, ultimately it punches through the nitrogen ice carrying those dark particles up and making the geysers of Triton.” Another geyser burst, covering the sight of the Sun. “In the furthest reaches of the Solar System, the faint light of the Sun is still enough to power the most distant of geological wonders.” 

“Precisely! My power is unbeatable!” The Sun crowed triumphantly. 

“But this can’t explain the rest of Triton’s mysterious features.” 

Oh no. A pit of fear carved its way into Triton’s crust in record time, causing a physical shiver to pass through the moon. Ignoring the odd looks he got from the little moons, Triton tried to play it off as a shrug to dislodge Sao, who had been steadily climbing his back. The little moon flopped back down with an offended humf , but did not attempt to climb again.

“What’s he talking about, Triton?” Halimede turned her searching eyes on him and Triton found himself without an answer. Despite knowing full-well what the Earthling was talking about, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Well done dude, you’ve failed at this already and it hasn’t even begun yet.

‘Surface covered with thousands of cracks and pits’ faded into view beside his image again. “Terrain on this scale could only be created by a much more powerful force.”

“More powerful than me?” The Sun’s outraged statement was the least of Triton’s concerns. Because he'd just seen Neptune flinch. It had been small, unnoticed by the other moons, and certainly not registered as what it was. Neptune’s face was otherwise blank, but Triton knew now, his planet must know.

“Oh! I-I never noticed h-how odd y-your surface looks.” Io commented to him. Triton turned to the Galilean moons with a deadpan expression.

“Maybe you didn’t, but I could see it a mile away.” Europa seemed to be under the impression this was the appropriate thing to say. Luckily for her, Callisto replied instead.

“Guys, you are not adding anything useful to the conversation right now, at all.” Her monotone reply at least took some heavy stares off of Triton’s back. Her eyes met his, and he tried not to look too grateful.

“And a clue seems to be lurking in Triton’s odd orbit.” Brian was walking in a much sunnier place now.

Here we go, I guess. The fear was sinking into his core now, biting away at his composure, as the room’s attention turned to him. OK, I maybe definitely should've just told the kids before this point. I never signed up for a whole Solar System unboxing of my past.

At least the rest of the Solar System didn’t really know him well enough to care all that much. As Neptune’s only major moon, he’d been known, sure, but not well known. The largest moon of the most distant planet wasn’t exactly going to be a celebrity. And, looking around the room, most of the other celestials only seemed curious, gazing at him or the screen as if he was a little oddity to unpack. 

On the other hand, the Neptunian system was very invested. All the little moons, even S/2002 N 5 and S/2021 N 1 who couldn’t even speak yet, had locked their wide eyes onto him. The older kids, Proteus, Galatea, Nereid, and Larissa, were fidgeting and whispering to each other. The worried and confused glances they sent to him only worsened his mood and tightened the fear around his core. Neptune himself appeared to be ignoring everything but the screen, face carefully blank and still. It wasn’t anything Triton hadn’t seen before, but Neptune usually snapped out of it pretty quickly, especially with the kids around. 

“Unlike every other large moon in the Solar System, Triton orbits in the opposite direction to the spin of the planet.” The Earthling explained while demonstrating with his hands. “And that means it’s highly unlikely that Triton and Neptune formed at the same time.”

“B-but Neptune always said we all formed together?” Larissa’s confused question only served to squeeze Triton’s core more, till he felt almost faint with it. Get it together, dude.

“Yeah, he said we all appeared ‘round him one day!” Sao agreed, looking between the large moon and his planet with betrayed eyes. “Why is the Earthling saying that?”

Triton, way out of his depths and sinking deeper, gave a desperate glance at Neptune for help. It was no use. The deep blue ice giant barely seemed to be in the room, let alone aware enough to answer the kids’ questions. Stars, way to pick a time for this. 

Just as he was contemplating if the kids would accept ‘I don’t know’ as an answer, he spotted two familiar celestials approaching the group. Pluto, followed closely by Charon, had left the dwarf planet group to sit amongst the Neptunian moons.

“Hey, guys! Do you mind if we sit here?” Pluto’s polite voice instantly caught the attention of the little moons, who greeted their visitors warmly. Proteus remained for a moment longer, staring far too deeply into Triton’s eyes, before following his siblings. Triton let out the breath he’d been holding in, and flashed Pluto and his moon a grateful look. 

“If you formed a planet and a moon out of the same collapsing cloud of gas and dust, then they tend to spin and orbit in the same direction as the spin of the initial dust cloud,” The Earthling twirled his hands to demonstrate.

"I mean, most moons do follow the spin of their planets, but quite a few don't." Titan wondered aloud, glancing at the smaller moons of Saturn. Triton wasn't familiar enough with any other moon systems to know how true that was. I mean, I can't be the only one...right? 

"Sure, but most of those are small moons, minor moons." Iapetus added with a frown. "Not a major moon, and certainly not the sole major moon of an ice giant."

With Pluto and Charon making small conversions to the little moons, Triton was able to panic without notice. He knew as soon as they realised what had happened, they’d be right back to questioning him. Probably even worse, now that he’d made his evasions too obvious. 

Using the break, however brief, he scanned the room for help. Uranus would’ve been his first bet for someone to snap Neptune out of it, but the pale ice giant was looking away and Triton was unable to catch his eye. In fact, most of the room seemed far more interested in the screen than the Neptunian moons. Usually, I’d be overjoyed about that, but it’s not helpful right now.

One pair of eyes did catch his, though. Callisto was watching him carefully, an odd look of concern trying to invade her expression. Triton quickly looked away and adjusted his sunglasses to more securely hide his eyes. OK, no looking around anymore.

“So the most likely explanation is that Triton is a visitor to the Neptunian system that, unlike Voyager, never left.”

“A v-visitor?” Psamathe’s shaky voice alerted Triton that he’d run out of time. The whole group was focused back on him, expressions varying from innocent confusion to downright betrayal. Triton froze, his mind going unhelpfully blank now that he actually needed it. 

“Are you going to leave?” Sao’s question triggered a wave of fearful cries from the little ones. Triton found himself carefully picking up S/2002 N 5 and S/2021 N 1 to quiet them, as he’d done so many times before. 

“No, I-” The denial stuck in his mouth like dust, choking him. I can’t say I’m not leaving when that is exactly what I’ve been thinking about for years…

…leaving, but I’ve never left. It hadn’t taken long for him to suspect his own origin was suspicious, but in all the time he’s known, he never actually had the courage to leave. Leave them. Proteus, Nereid, Galatea, Larissa, Naiad, Thalassa, Despina, Hippocamp, Halimede, Sao, Laomedeia, Neso, Psamathe, S/2002 N 5, S/2021 N 1,... and Neptune. I’m such a coward, I can’t even make my own mind up about this.

“One theory is that, billions of years ago, Triton was not a moon at all.” The screen was now showing a dark, rocky area in the outer Solar System. “It grew up in a region of space way beyond Neptune, the Kuiper Belt.”

“N-not a-a m-moon?” The tearful stuttering from Hippocamp snapped Triton back to at least a semblance of awareness. He carefully tried to quiet the two moons in his arms and find something to say to the rest. 

“Yes! Pluto told me a bit about you!” The pinkish dwarf planet, Makemake, suddenly spoke up with a wide grin on his face. “He said you looked a lot like a dwarf planet!”

“A dwarf planet?” Proteus’ confusion spread amongst his fellow moons, who all began to question him. “How can you be a dwarf planet? You orbit Neptune!”

“Ahh, you see, he isn’t a dwarf planet anymore.” Triton really, really wanted Makemake to shut up. Glancing at Pluto, he saw a similar sentiment.

“Kids, this really isn't important-” Triton tried to dismiss it, only for Nereid to interrupt him.

“Of course it’s important! You might not even be our big brother!” 

Triton found those words ringing in his head long after she’d said them, stinging his core every time they repeated. His expression must have given something away, because she immediately burst out crying with apologies. 

Triton suddenly found himself crouched down, wrapping his arms around as many of the little moons as he could reach. Some threw themselves at him gladly, but a few, Proteus included, kept a slight distance. Triton’s core pained.

“I-I’m not- this doesn’t change anything.” He mumbled, struggling to find a statement he could consider true. “I-I’m still-”

Still what? If he was still their ‘big brother’ he would never be able to leave. But, the idea of no longer holding that title hurt far more than he’d ever expected it to.

“Here, trillions of frozen lumps of water, ammonia, and methane circle the Sun. The frozen leftovers from the formation of the Solar System.” The rocks slowly floated across the screen.

“‘Leftovers’ is a bit harsh.” One of the dwarf planets, the pale one, snarked quietly behind Makemake. The pinkish dwarf planet himself looked a bit lost, watching the moons of Neptune dissolve into sobs around Triton. 

Triton’s attempts to comfort the moons in his arms were only having limited results. Even when one would calm down, the crying of another would set them off again. I-I can’t deal with this.

“Perhaps Triton ended up on the inner edge of this region,” Ominous music cut in as Neptune appeared on screen and the small form of Triton was being pulled towards him. “And ventured close enough to Neptune to be drawn in by its gravity,”

The faint flashes he’d begun to experience before this mess came back in full force, driving down into his crust with a razor-sharp edge. Bright light, screaming speeds, pain.

“Neptune did that?” Thalassa asked quietly, “Why?”

“Yeah, why would he do that?” Proteus sounded almost angry, gazing at Triton and Neptune in turn. 

“Is Neptune bad?” Neso’s words were almost lost under the noise, but the uptick in cries told Triton they’d been heard just fine. 

Shaking his head, he felt a roaring anger spark into him from the kindling of the kids’ sobs. What happened? I need answers!

“Neptune!” He gently released the little moons and moved them away from him, towards Charon who quickly scooped them up. Turning to his still-inert planet with a glare, he snapped out. “Neptune! Answer me!”

“...” The ice giant’s eyes finally snapped towards him, but he remained silent, nervously fidgeting with his hands. “...yes, Triton?”

“What happened? I know you know! Don’t lie to me!” Triton found himself unable to lower his voice now, seething with all his years of questions. Neptune flinched back slightly, watching him with conflicted eyes. He seemed to fight with himself for a moment, before stuttering out a weak excuse.

“I-I couldn’t say…I must have forgotten…”

“Ugh-” Triton growled, glaring away from the planet and the other moons, trying to calm down. It wasn’t working. I need to get out of here! I need space!

“Fine, keep lying to me, I don’t care!” Triton tried to ignore how much of a lie that was, his core clenching viciously. “I know you don’t forget your moons, Neptune. But I guess I was never one of them.”

Turning harshly, Triton stalked away, towards the dwarf planet corner. His eyes blurred and he struggled not to trip. Settling down a few paces beside the dwarf planets, placing them between himself and Neptune, he tried to surreptitiously wipe his eyes. 

Pluto and Charon glanced between Triton and the other little moons, clearly conflicted about their place in all this. Slowly, after exchanging a loaded look, Pluto began to make his way back to the dwarf planets, while Charon settled down with the young moons. The older ones, led by Proteus, followed Pluto. 

“Until, eventually, it was plucked from the Kuiper Belt, and forever trapped in orbit around the distant, blue planet.” The form of Triton was not alone, other moons were displayed beside Neptune.

As Triton’s eyes studied the screen, he grew more confused. He didn’t recognise those moons. They were larger, rounded by gravity, and much closer together than most of Neptune’s moons. He could’ve brushed it off as the Earthlings getting something wrong, but the stinging in his head told him otherwise. All his old questions about the moons of Neptune returned. Why is our spread so odd? Why am I the only major moon?

“Hey, man, you good?” Pluto’s awkward voice startled Triton from his head, and he opened his eyes to look at him. When did I close them?

“Uh, yeah, I’m all good.” Triton sighed dismissively, not looking for an integration from the dwarf planet again. Pluto frowned disbelievingly, but Triton ignored him in favour of the screen.

Screaming, then a pain, sharp, agony. 

“Today, Triton orbits in a nice, regular circle around Neptune, but it wouldn’t have started out that way.” Brian was explaining things with his hands again. “When it was first captured, it would have glanced past the planet and ended up in a wide, elliptical orbit, sometimes being far away from the planet, and sometimes close.”

Triton didn’t remember much about his early days orbiting Neptune. All he recalled was the pain, the crushing sensation and long orbit. The burning behind his eyes was getting worse and he clenched them shut again to try and stop it. Something happened…but what?

“Did Neptune really capture Big brother?” Despina's quiet whisper to Proteus was picked up by Triton’s hearing. She sounded so confused, and Triton couldn’t blame her. I’m confused too. Why would Neptune, of all planets, do this?

“I don’t know, but I’m going to find out, I promise!” Proteus vowed to his younger sibling quietly, glancing between Neptune and Triton. 

“That means that, as Triton orbited around Neptune, the gravitational pull was constantly changing, and that stretches and squashes the moon, and heats up the interior by friction. It’s a process called tidal heating.” 

“Sounds familiar.” Callisto’s sarcastic drawl crossed the room. Io, sitting by her side, jumped up in excitement. 

“Oh! L-like me, r-right?” Io glanced over at Triton with a friendly smile. “Hey, you could join my club with Enceladus!” 

Triton wrestled his grimace into a smile, not really in the mood for Io but also reluctant to hurt his feelings. Both of his friends looked worried and Triton had to resist the urge to approach them. I need to be alone right now.

The tidal heating at least explained why he’d been in pain for so long. It didn’t explain that first sharp pain, the screaming that didn’t sound like his own. No…I…no.

“The molten interior would have exploded up through cracks and faults in Triton’s crust, creating the ragged surface we see today.” The Earthling spoke over a closer view of his surface. “And what you’re left with is a cooling moon, orbiting in a circle the wrong way around the planet, the dramas of its past hidden from view.”

The rest of the room didn’t seem to know how to react. Awkward and uncomfortable looks were exchanged, with the rocky planets in particular being unusually quiet, and the gas giants watched Neptune warily. Uranus was slowly creeping towards his friend but seemed unsure of what to do when he reached him. Neptune himself was off in his head again, not looking at anything in particular. The few moons that had remained near him were being hugged gently by Charon, who also watched the blue ice giant carefully.

“Hi?” A quiet voice, so quiet Triton couldn’t place its origin at first, piped up. Opening his eyes wider, he saw that one of Saturn’s smaller moons had approached him. She was an irregular-shaped moon, but her size was larger than the rest of Saturn’s irregular moons. “Hi! I’m Phoebe. Moon of Saturn.”

“What do you want?” Triton really wasn’t in the mood for making new friends or entertaining the questions of a random moon. Phoebe, however, didn’t seem put off.

“Well, since you’ve just had your business told to the whole room, I wanted to let you know you’re not alone!” She smiled at him, sincerity shining through. “I’m also a captured moon. Likely from the Kuiper belt as well. Some Earthlings think I used to be a Centaur.”

“A Centaur? Aren’t those two types of Earthlings mixed together?” Luna asked, which only inflicted the poor moon with a Solar System’s worth of confused looks.

“No, a Centaur is like a dwarf planet, only smaller and orbiting between Saturn and Neptune.” Phoebe corrected. “I was likely rounded at one point, but being captured put me very close to one of the rings and collisions reduced my size.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.” Triton wasn’t sure what else to say to this. I’m not the only one? 

“It’s OK, I’m happy to not be alone anymore, at least.” Phoebe added, “I used to be angry about it, but I slowly realised I didn’t miss my old orbit. I was free, sure, but I was completely alone. Maybe I would’ve been larger as a Centaur, but I wouldn’t have nearly as many friends as I do now.”

“Well, I don’t even remember my old orbit, so I can’t exactly say whether I miss it or not.” Triton snapped back, not ready to offer his own issues to this moon he barely knew. Phoebe didn’t seem surprised, just nodded to him.

“I understand. I hope things feel better soon, and I’m always around if you need someone to listen.” With her parting words, she darted back to Saturn, who scooped her up with a distraught look. I guess she never told Saturn all that…or he forgot, I guess.

Her words stuck in his mind though, and he looked over at the other Neptunian moons. Nereid was already watching him, and smiled slightly as they made eye-contact. I-I guess I would be lonely, without them.

“All that remains are the geysers, powered by the faint light of the Sun, painting dark streaks across the now-quiescent surface.” The camera did one last pass over his icy surface, before zooming out to look at Neptune.

Seeing his part finally come to an end, Triton felt oddly numb, like the last few minutes hadn’t even happened. But no, his secret was out and it had scattered the Neptunian moons, and now he had to find a way to fix this. I still don’t have my answers, though, he thought to himself with a sigh, but the kids come first, as always.

Triton risked a glance over at Neptune. The planet was still wearing that vacant expression, but now Uranus was sitting at his side and leaning slightly on the blue ice giant, seemingly in an attempt to ground him. The moon wasn’t sure how successful that would be, but he wasn’t an expert either. Usually, he just snaps out of it eventually, he always has.  

“Voyager had fulfilled its mission, and now headed onwards, out of the Solar System, where it would never encounter another planet.” The probe floated by. “But, elsewhere, another world awaited our arrival, far out into the darkness.”

“Oh, great.” The resided tone came from Triton’s side, where Pluto was apparently still sitting. The other dwarf planets were settled around him and Triton now, watching the screen intently.

“Is that Voyager probe still out there?” Mercury’s hesitant question reminded Triton that the other planets still existed. 

“Um, yeah.” Earth began slowly, glancing warily at the back of the room where Neptune and the dwarf planets sat. “Both Voyager 1 and 2 are still going, but they don’t have much energy left, so they’re just floating and not sending back data anymore.”

Another rocket launch filled the screen. ‘New Horizons, 2006’ appeared as an Earthling voice claimed the rocket was headed for Pluto. Some extra text revealed that this was the fastest probe ever launched and took 9.5 years to get there.

“Do you reckon that’s the last rocket launch we’ll have to see now?” Uranus asked, loud enough for the room to hear but his words were clearly directed at Neptune. Much to the pale ice planet’s disappointment, Neptune did not respond to him. His planet’s eyes had those glassy, deep blue eyes trained on some spot just below the screen. His body was hunched and small, but he was at least leaning some of his weight onto Uranus now.

“So this is the probe you saw?” The pale white dwarf planet asked Pluto, who nodded in return. Triton realised he didn’t know the names of the other two dwarf planets now sat beside him. 

“Um, hi? I don’t think I caught your names?” His voice sounded terrible. That’ll teach me not to shout at people.

“Oh. I’m Eris, and this is Haumea.” Eris, apparently, replied neutrally. “I assume you already know who those two are.” She nodded towards Makemake and Ceres. 

“Uh, yeah.” Even though she reminded him of Callisto, she had a more stern, passionate expression than he’d ever seen on the Galilean moon. The silence that followed his words lingered in his mind as he risked a glance at the kids who had followed him. They were keeping a distance from him, but still watched him with those wide, worried eyes. Proteus’ initial anger seemed to have simmered down, and he now met Triton’s gaze squarely.

“Our ambition to learn more about a small, intriguing world depended on the success of New Horizons.” The screen showed the Earthlings making the probe. “As the tiny probe, less than three metres in length, was sent out into the abyss, most of its electronics and all nonessential systems were shut down to save power. It would hibernate for almost its entire 4.8 billion kilometre trek.”

“It did 4.8 billion kilometres in less than 10 Earthling years!” Makemake exclaimed in an impressed tone. “I mean, it makes sense to hibernate such a thing, it would have to be very light, no room for unnecessary power supplies.”

“What does ‘hibernate’ even mean?” Dione asked, watching the screen beside her planet and fellow moons.

“It’s something a few species of my Earthlings evolved to do.” The living planet answered simply. “They basically shut down their bodies so they use as little energy as possible. It’s usually done to survive winters and stuff.”

“Whilst New Horizons continued its voyage to Pluto, a controversy arose here on Earth about the definition of Pluto itself.” Brian was now in a slightly less snowy area, still covered in rocks. “See, we always knew that Pluto is small, smaller than Neptune’s moon Triton.”

Ahh, this is awkward. He knew Pluto had been intensely interested in him on their way back to the Kuiper Belt. At the time it had been annoying, but now he almost felt bad about it. Was he comparing our sizes as well? If I had stayed a dwarf planet, would I have ended up as the biggest one?

Pluto himself didn’t seem too pleased about the direction of the documentary either. The dwarf planet was frowning at the screen, only to be distracted by Haumea bumping into him. The ringed dwarf planet played it off as a mistake, but Triton had seen otherwise. At least the dwarf planets all seem like good friends. Maybe Phoebe was wrong, and I wouldn't have been alone…

“But, it was discoveries made in the vicinity of Pluto by the Hubble Space Telescope that really challenged its status as a planet.” 

“What’s a Hubble Space Telescope?” Saturn’s question prompted both Earth and Luna to glance up at him.

“It’s one of the things floating around in Earth’s orbit.”

“It’s a huge telescope they put in my orbit to look at galaxies!”

The two responses overlapped so much, Triton wasn’t sure Saturn even got an answer to his question.

“From Earth, Pluto, far away on the inner edge of the Kuiper Belt, is so distant that, even with Hubble, it appears as nothing more than a fuzzy image.” The bright, blurred red image on screen evidently came from Hubble. “But Pluto was not alone.”

“Oh! It saw us too?” Haumea speculated hopefully. “It would be so cool to be seen from so far away!”

“We began to detect other distant objects.” The blurry images held names next to them. ‘Quaoar, 2002’, ‘Sedna, 2003’, and ‘Haumea, 2003’. Lastly, ‘Makemake, 2005’ flashed by as Brian continued. 

“Wow! We clearly haven’t met all the dwarf planets in the Kuiper Belt yet!” Makemake was shaking with excitement. “I wonder where those two are hiding? Do you think they’d like to join our game?”

“I’m sure we could ask.” Eris muttered, watching the screen warily. Triton guessed she was waiting for her discovery to show up.

“Oh wow! They saw my moons, guys!” Haumea pointed unhelpfully at the screen, voice wavering in his excitement. 

“I guess we’ll have a new mission when we get back!” Pluto decided with a determined expression. “We gotta find Sedna and Quaoar.”

Triton wondered if he was being included in this ‘mission’ of theirs. I guess it would be a nice break from the kids- what am I thinking? I haven’t even decided if I’m going back at all.

“Then, Hubble discovered that another world is almost the same size as Pluto.” The screen displayed ‘Eris’ alongside her diameter. “The discovery of these new worlds has forced us to reconsider what we mean by the word ‘planet’.”

“Damn dude, sorry about that.” Eris’ tone made it hard for Triton to tell if she was being sincere, but Pluto seemed to take it as such.

“It’s OK, Eris. It’s not your fault they couldn’t get their definitions right the first time.” Pluto gave her a shaky smile. Across the room, still sitting with Neptune’s youngest moons, Charon was watching her planet with concern. 

“The International Astronomical Union has a three-part definition of a planet.” Brian was walking towards the camera in the snow. “Firstly, it has to orbit the Sun, and Pluto certainly does that. It goes round once every 248 years.”

“By that definition, every little rock flying around would be a planet.” Uranus scoffed. At his side, Neptune was finally starting to look a bit more alive. The deep blue planet gave his friend a small nudge for his comment, then slowly, carefully bent down to offer his arms to the moons being comforted by Charon. 

Triton held his breath, waiting to see whether he’d completely broken his system into pieces he could never hope to repair. The little moons looked hesitant, glancing back at Charon for reassurance. The Plutonian moon only smiled gently.

Eventually, Laomedeia, the largest in the group, reached out to her planet in return. Neptune, after a brief start of surprise, gently scooped her up and placed her on his lap, where she proceeded to claim the best spot. This triggered a chain-reaction of begging hands reaching up to the ice giant, all the little ones desperate to get back to their planet despite the recent blow up. 

One by one, Neptune lifted up each one into his arms and lovingly settled them back onto the bean bag. Once he was done, he whispered something to Charon and the little moon nodded in reply. Before focusing back on the screen, his gaze wandered to the other moons still sitting beside the dwarf planets, and then his eyes met with Triton’s. Triton didn’t know what to make of Neptune’s heartbroken expression, but the look in his eyes told him the giant wanted to talk. Triton merely adjusted his sunglasses. Maybe later, Neptune.

“Secondly, it has to be massive enough for gravity to sculpt it almost into a sphere, and Pluto indeed is almost spherical.” The Earthling explained. “But, thirdly, it has to clear its own orbit around the Sun, and that’s essentially a mass constraint as well. It has to have enough gravity to throw things out from its orbital path. And that’s where Pluto falls down.”

Now freed from babysitting duty, Charon scampered back across to Pluto, giving her planet a quick hug before settling at his side.

“Remember, their silly little definitions mean absolutely nothing!” The moon assured her planet, grinning at him as Pluto returned her smile. 

“I know, Charon. It’s just a bit jarring having it all spelled out.” He admitted to the moon. She only hugged him again in response.

“Now, why that extra idea?” Brian asked rhetorically, “Well, ultimately, it’s because if Pluto is big enough to be a planet, then Eris is big enough to be a planet, and Makemake is big enough to be a planet, and tens or even potentially hundreds of objects out there are big enough to be planets.”

“Dude, I’m not even joking, that sucks.” Eris repeated her sentiment to the other dwarf planet. “Changing a definition just to exclude us from also being planets? Messed up.”

“It is a bit wild, man.” Triton voiced his agreement, “I’m sorry that happened.”

“It’s OK, guys.” Pluto insisted, “If I hadn’t been moved, I’d have been the smallest planet by a wide margin. At least this way, I’m in a group with celestials I’m actually similar to!”

“Like a club?” Proteus, who had approached unnoticed by Triton, suddenly spoke up. 

“Yeah, a club of dwarf planets!”