Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Blood.

Blood was staining Gihun‘s hands, running down his fingers and dropping to the ground with a sickening sound.
It formed a red puddle beneath him and he could do nothing but stare.

By now he should be used to the sight, he thought. He almost giggled, the sort of noise that could only come from a truly insane person.

When was the last time his hands had been clean? With no blood, no death staining them?

Gihun could not tell.

Sangwoo might have known. He had always been smarter than him.
But Sangwoo was dead.

Dead because of him.

They were all dead.

455 people.

Saebeyok, Ali, Sangwoo

All dead just so he could live.

And now their blood was staining his hands, growing thicker and more and the puddle at his feet was growing and growing.
And then it was no longer a puddle but an ocean, an ocean full of blood.

And Gihun was drowning, the metallic taste burning in his mouth while arms grabbed him from underneath, pulling him down, farther and farther till blood was swapping over his head and he was drowning, he was dying, dying like all of them had -

“GIHUN!“

He shot upwards, ready to attack.

His eyes searched for a threat, any sort of danger while he instinctively scooted backwards till his back hit the wall.

“Gihun, stop. You‘re safe.“

He blinked. The voice was familiar.
It took him another minute till finally - “Jungbae?“

“Yes, idiot.“ The face of his friend appeared in his vision, followed by Young-il‘s.

“What happened?“ Gihun was still tense, his body not having accepted the apparent fact that he was in safety.

“You had a nightmare.“, Young-il answered, his dark eyes tearing into Gihun, making him feel strangely vulnerable. “You were mumbling and thrashing around so we woke you up. I hope that was not the wrong thing to do?“, he asked with a concerned look on his face.

Gihun swallowed and nodded before pulling himself up. “Of course not, thank you. I‘m sorry for worrying you.“

Jungbae opened his mouth to say something and Gihun was incredibly relieved when the electronic voice ahead signalled them that it was time for dinner. Before anyone could say something, he had already slipped away.

During dinner, Gihun noticed the concerned glances being thrown in his direction by Jungbae and Young-il. He acted as if he couldn’t see them. Maybe they would stop worrying.

What had he said during his dream that led them to be so concerned? The details had already gone blurry, only the image of blood remained - and the overwhelming feeling of guilt pressing down on him.

But that feeling wasn’t new. It was a constant companion since he had left this place three years ago as the only survivor and 45 billion richer.

He wished he had never gotten that money.
He had not earned it and he did not deserve to have it.

Not after he watched an innocent young girl slowly bleed out on one of the beds he was sitting on right now, begging to go home.

Not after he had watched his best friend since childhood kill himself before his eyes just so he wouldn’t have to go home with nothing.

Not after he had -

“Hey! Earth to Gihun.“
Someone snapped a finger in front of his face and Gihun looked up.

“Yes?“

“You were completely in thoughts. Couldn’t even hear us anymore.“, Jungbae explained. “You sure everything is okay with you?“

“Of course. I just spaced out for a second.“ Gihun took a bite from his food, even if it tasted like ash in his mouth.

“Mr. Seong?“
Junhee‘s soft voice made him look up again.

“Please, call me Gihun. This makes me feel even older than I am.“ He smiled. She reminded him of Saebeyeok in a way.

She nodded, smiling, one hand covering her stomach.

He thought of the baby and he wanted to scream at the unfairness of her being here when she deserved to live so badly. Why was life so unfair to the ones who least deserved it?

Junhee started to talk again. “Gihun, what were your games like?“

He froze at the question. Memories threatened to swallow him, drown him but he stared at Junhee‘s innocent face, at the hand on her stomach and he forced himself to stay calm.

She had meant no harm by the question.

“Yes!“, another voice chimed in and when Gihun tore his eyes away from Junhee, he saw that it was Daeho who looked at him with curiosity written all over his face.

“You never talk about them. What were they like? Maybe the information can help us in the future games!“ His look was open and full of optimism and he reminded Gihun so much of Ali that it hurt.
They would have been friends if they had ever met and that thought was almost enough to tear him apart.

A hand landed on his shoulder and when he turned his head, he looked in the calm eyes of Young-il. “You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to but I think we are all curious. After all, you are the winner. We want to know how you did it!“

Gihun pressed his eyes shut for a moment. He did not want to talk about it.

He would avoid thinking about it if he had any say in the matter.

But a tiny voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Sangwoo whispered: What if there is some information they will need later on? If you don’t tell them and they don’t know, they could be in danger. They could die and it would be your fault.

He swallowed, closing his eyes for a second.
How could he recall all those memories? In this place, especially?
But he needed to save these people. He could not bear to lose any more friends because of his own mistakes.

He let out a shuddering breath. He needed to do this. For them.

“Okay, I can tell you. But only so all of you understand the dangers of this, understood? And afterwards I don’t want to talk about it again, please.“

The group nodded hastily and he felt Young-il press his shoulder before letting his arm fall down.
Gihun missed the warmth.

“Sir, excuse me?“

He spun around to see an old woman - player 149 - stand there, smiling awkwardly. Behind her stood a young man - her son if Gihun was not mistaken - and two girls, player 120 and player 095 as he could see on their jackets.

“Yes?“

“I‘m sorry, but I just overheard you speaking and wanted to ask if we could listen by any chance? We really need every information we can get in order to win and -“

She was cut off by her son's attempt to silence her. “I‘m so sorry Sir, she doesn’t know what she‘s say-„

“Yes I do!“ His mother glared at him and swatted his hands away. “Don’t interrupt me when I’m…”

Gihun could not stop a tired smile from appearing on his face as he watched them bicker. Oh how he missed his own mother.

He sighed and turned his attention back to the players in front of him. Mother and son were still arguing and the two girls looked like they would rather be anywhere else than here.
“It’s fine. You can sit down and listen. If this helps in any way, I‘m happy if more people can hear it.“

Player 149 smiled at her son triumphantly and then proceeded to bow in front of Gihun. “Thank you Sir, thank you.”

Their group scooted apart to leave space for the new people who introduced themselves. The old woman was named Geum-ja and her son’s name was Young-sik. The tall woman introduced herself as Hyung-ju while her smaller friend mumbled that she was called Young-mi.

After everyone introduced themselves, talking died down quickly and all eyes fixated on Gihun..

He swallowed, closing his eyes for a second. Where could he even start?

At the beginning, Sangwoo’s voice whispered. Gihun almost rolled his eyes. He was really going insane, talking to himself like that but he was far beyond caring at this point.

The beginning.

Chapter Text

“I came to the games after the salesman played ddakji with me in a train station. I guess he found you as well?”
The round nodded and Gihun saw flashes of embarrassment in their faces. He remembered how it felt like to play against the man, desperate for money and humiliated at the same time.

“It was the same as it was this year - we were given a card with a number on it and then a place and time to wait. They came in their cars, drugged us and we woke up here.”

Gihun swallowed. How should he even start to explain what the first game had felt like?
The fear and panic, people being shot down while running for their lives, the uncertainty and constant threat of death…

But he needed to try. If they were to vote again, he needed to be sure that the people around him knew of the brutality of the games.

They only had one chance to go home alive.

“The first game was red light green light.”

“That's why you knew about it, right? That we had to hold still?” Daeho asked.

Gihun nodded and continued. “We had no idea what would happen. When the round started two younger boys ran ahead and one of them didn't manage to catch himself. He was shot.
But since he was so far ahead, we didn't see what happened.”

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes, remembering the panic that had followed. “Only in round 2 the first people were eliminated and people noticed what was going on.
A mass panic broke out.

No one knew that we were playing death games. People were trying to run away and shoved other player who fell to the ground and got eliminated. They were trying to get to the doors but they were locked so they were just getting killed one after the other.”

He looked at the shocked faces in front of him. “It was a massacre, half the players died.
I was lucky and another player shoved me down but when I fell I must've been hidden from the doll. ”
He heard a shocked gasp coming from Geum-ja.

“How did you get out?” Hyun-ju asked, her voice calm and steady as always. The girl next to her was staring at the floor with wide eyes and Gihun watched how Hyun-ju pressed her hand to calm her down.

He smiled sadly. “Luck and the help of friends. If Sangwoo hadn't noticed -”

“Sangwoo?” Jungbae interrupted him with a gasp. “You can't mean the Cho Sangwoo you always talked about, right? The one who went to SNU?”

Gihun nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat that always formed when he thought of his former friend.

“What was he doing here? Isn't he a rich businessman or something like that?” Junbae asked.

“He was. His company got in debt and he needed the money for himself and his mother.”, Gihun explained.

“Who was he?” Geum-ja asked, her voice soft as if she knew that the topic was a hard one for Gihun. She probably did - it was not hard to guess that Sangwoo had died during the games. “How do you both know him?”

Gihun did not want to talk about it. Why the hell had he ever agreed to telling them about all the shit that had happened in the last game?

He just wanted to forget everything and act as if it never happened - especially the things that haunted his thoughts every second.

But Geum-ja smiled at him, genuine worry and care in her eyes and she reminded Gihun so much of his own mother and that HURT so how could he tell her no?

He clenched his teeth but kept his voice soft and steady when answering.

“He was a childhood friend of mine. We got out of touch for a few years and met again in the games. He -” Gihun clenched his eyes shut for a second, the image of Sangwoo dead with a knife in his throat appearing in front of him. “He died here.”

“I'm so sorry for that.” Geum-ja said, genuine care laced into her words.
Gihun couldn't force himself to answer, and just nodded. A warm hand landed on his arm, squeezing and Gihun relaxed slightly, smiling at Young-il thankfully.

“I wouldn't have survived without him.”, Gihun continued. “He noticed the motion detector in the eyes of the doll. He was the one who told me to hide behind someone bigger.” He took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “He is the reason I ever got that far.”

‘But not the only reason, right?’ Sangwoo whispered in his head. ‘You need to tell them about Ali.’

He was right.
Not because Gihun wanted to - Hell, he wanted nothing of this. He just wanted to shut up and go back to pretending that nothing had happened.

But he couldn't. Not with Daeho staring at him and sucking up every word he said, with Junhee looking at him with big eyes, listening carefully as he spoke, not with Young-il's warm presence next to him.

They trusted him to give them information on how to win.
And even if he didn't have that, he couldn’t tell them no.

And Ali deserved to be known. He deserved that the people in front of Gihun heard of the brave, kind man who had risked his life to save Gihun’s.

“I was almost at the finish line.”, he started again. “There was only half a minute left on the timer but I was confident I would manage it. But then I tripped. I was falling and the doll turned around. I was sure that I would die when suddenly someone grabbed me.”

He heard a gasp coming from Daeho and felt a light smile dance around his lips. Oh how he wished he and Ali could have met.

“A man had grabbed my jacket and he was holding me with one hand. He saved my life that day.”

“Who was he?”, Daeho asked, his eyes practically gleaming with admiration. Gihun almost laughed. It had been so obvious that Daeho would be obsessed with this story.

His heart clenched painfully when he looked at him. He was still so young.

“His name was Ali. He was the friendliest, kindest person you could ever imagine.”, Gihun explained, carefully keeping his voice from breaking. “After he saved me, we became teammates.”

He did not need to explain that he died. From the look on the faces of the people around him he knew that they could imagine it.
Talking about the marble game would come later. He did not want to even think about this right now.

“What happened after the first game?”It was the small girl next to Hyun-ju who started speaking this time. “Did you get to vote as well?”

Gihun clenched his teeth. He had hoped to be able to leave the voting part out. He didn’t know how to explain that they had been free - free to go and do whatever they wanted but instead of using it, had decided to come back.

For a moment he thought if he should just lie. Tell them that they didn’t have the chance to vote or that the majority wanted to stay.
He immediately felt awful for thinking about it.

Was he really still trying to keep up a good image? After everything?

No, they needed to know everything. He started to speak again. “Yes, we got to vote as well. But we did not have the option to leave with the money.”

“What do you mean?” Yong-sik asked. “You couldn’t have the money?”

“All the money would be split up between the families of the dead players.”, Gihun explained. “We had to leave with nothing or stay.”

“But that’s so unfair!” Daeho exclaimed. “How should you ever convince enough people to leave? We get to keep the money and still most of the people want to stay!”

“Well… we actually managed to leave.”Gihun explained.

For a moment, there was a stunned silence.

“What?” Junbae was the first to speak up but the other players stared at Gihun just as shocked. “But - but if you got to leave, what happened to you?”
“How did the other players die?”
“What happened then?”
“How did you win?”
“Why did you go back?”

Questions over questions were raining down on Gihun and he clenched his eyes shut.
Breathe, he told himself. They did not mean any harm with their questions. They had a right to be curious.
But it was too much. It was all too much.

“Stop!”

For a second, Gihun thought he had been the one to lose his composure. He was about to apologize when he noticed that no one was looking at him and instead, all eyes were fixated on… Young-il?

“I am sure Gihun will explain everything but let him have the time to talk.”, the man continued, staring at the other players.

They mumbled apologies but Gihun's eyes were fixated on one person: Young-il.

“Are you alright?”, the man asked, concern written over his face.
“Yes. Thank you.” Gihun tried to smile but by the look on Young-il's face it was far from convincing.

“You don't have to do this, you know?”, he whispered and Gihun could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting over his skin when he leaned in. “I understand why you do it but you can stop anytime.”

Gihun swallowed and looked down onto his hands. “I know, Young-il. And I appreciate it but I need to do this. Don't worry about me.” He forced a smile and hoped it looked more real than before.

It obviously didn't but to Gihun's relief, Young-il just nodded and pressed his shoulder a last time before settling back down.

“Gihun? I'm truly sorry if our questions were too much. We are just trying to understand everything but we were overstepping.” Junhee looked at Gihun apologetically.

“Nono, please don't apologize. You have every right to have questions.” He shot her a smile before taking a deep breath and starting to explain.

He told them about how they were thrown out of the vans with nothing and how he had tried to settle back into his life somehow.
His voice broke when he told them of the illness his mother had caught and of her medical insurance that was gone because of the choices he had made.

“They offered us a way back in.”, he explained. “Another card, a second chance to play the games. I was desperate and I took it. So did over 200 other people.”

He heard gasps coming from around him. “So many people went back? Even knowing what awaited them?”Geum-ja asked.

Gihun nodded. “They were all desperate and this was a way out. It was their last chance to change their lives.”

“So… Ali and Sangwoo came back as well?”Hyung-ju carefully asked. Gihun nodded.

“We formed a team together when we met again. Together with an old man we met here.” This part was gonna be hard. Whenever Gihun thought of Ilnam he felt a confusing mixture of rage and anger, of grief and guilt rushing through him.

He had no idea how to tell them about the way Ilnam had snuck into the games without them getting suspicious of every single person here.

They needed to trust each other. Even though the betrayal still stung painfully, Gihun could not get lost in bad memories and allow them to direct his actions in the moment.

He needed to trust his teammates so he did. He couldn't allow any doubt.

“The second game was Dalgona, right?” Jun-bae asked, tearing Gihun back to reality.

“Yes, you already know about that. We had to choose a shape without knowing the game and then carve it out.”

“And there were really some people who chose umbrella?” Young-il asked, barely concealing a grin on his face.
Gihun shuddered.
“There were more than enough.”, he answered vague.

If he was lucky no one would ask…

“What did you choose?”

Daeho.

Of course. That boy was far too curious for his own good.
Gihun suppressed a groan. “Umbrella.”, he mumbled.

Stunned silence followed his words.
Suddenly Jung-bae started to laugh.

“Of course you did.” He hit Gihun's shoulder and heaved with laughter. “That's so typical of you - choosing the hardest one of them all. Probably for some stupid reason like ‘I like umbrellas’, right?”

Gihun stared at him before a small smile started flickering around his lips. He shoved at the other man's shoulder. “As if you would've been any better!”

“I definitely would have!”
“You wouldn’t! You barely survive without me here!”

“And this ladies and gentleman,” Jungbae dramatically gestured at Gihun who raised one eyebrow. “,this is the true Seoung Gihun. An asshole.”

Daeho started laughing so hard he choked and started coughing. The others were not better and suddenly Gihun felt laughter bubbling up inside him.

For the first time in forever, he was laughing. A free, genuine laugh. He had almost forgotten what it felt like.

He could feel eyes on him and when he turned to the side, he saw Young-il staring at him with an expression on his face that Gihun could not decipher.

Once the other man noticed Gihun looking at him, a smile formed on his face. “I’m sorry for my comment on how no one who chose the umbrella could survive. Obviously you have proven me wrong.” His voice was light, no trace of the strange energy Gihun had noticed before.

Gihun shook his head. He was probably imagining things. “It’s all good.” He smiled at Young-il who returned it a moment later.

Chapter Text

“Ahjussi, how did you manage to survive?”, Junhee asked. “I played Dalgona as a child and I know how hard the umbrella is.”, she explained.

“Don’t ask.” Gihun groaned. “Seriously, you don't want to know. And it's not important since we won't be playing this game.”, he added quickly when Daeho opened his mouth to protest.

“The important thing is that I survived and so did Sangwoo, Ali and the old man.”

Gihun noticed Hyunju looking at her hands with a light frown on her face.
He waited for a moment for her to start speaking. “You call all of them by their names besides the old man… why? Who is he? Why do you avoid using his name?”

Gihun’s heart sank. What should he tell them? Should he tell the truth now? Or leave it for a later moment, when he himself had learned it?

No, he should be honest with them from the start.

He opened his mouth and tried to get the words out, to tell them about the man who had started all of this -

And he closed it again.

He couldn't. Not right now, not after the mood had finally lightened a bit, not when their group was growing together, trusting and depending on each other.

He would tell them.

Later.

“His name was Il-nam.”, he explained. “I only learned his name later” ‘after you tried to get him killed’, his brain whispered “ in one of the games.”, he finished.

“We called him either just “old man” or by his number - he was number 001 as well.” He nodded at Young-il.

He could still recall the eerie feeling he had gotten when he had first seen the number 001 printed on his friend‘s back.
The whole moment had felt like one big deja vu - the voting, the decision relying on one single player. On player 001. Just like last time.

Gihun had been suspicious for a short time. The betrayal by Il-nam still stung painfully and for a second he had thought: What if this is the same?
What if he was doomed to get betrayed by someone he trusted again - by number 001?

Was this all a sick game to terrorize him?

But that was before he had gotten to speak with Young-il.
Before he had met the honest and kind man he was. Gihun had let his suspicions fall away quickly. He would trust Young-il with his life and he knew the other man did the same.
He had shown that when he asked to play the second game with him days ago.

Gihun looked at his friend and when Young-il noticed, he shot him a quick smile. No. The mere thought of him ever doing anything to harm Gihun was impossible.

He shook his head and settled his eyes back on the players in front of him. They were still waiting to hear more about Il-nam. Gihun could see that they were curious of the players from the previous game and wanted to hear more of them. Gihun could not fault them for it but out of all the memories, those were the hardest to recall.

Not because he was forgetting.
Gihun would never forget them. It felt impossible to do, as if the ghosts of the ones that died had become a permanent part of himself.

With Sangwoo whispering in his head, with Saebyeok haunting his dreams and the constant reminders of Ali all around him… maybe they had.

Maybe Gihun was nothing but a living memorial of his dead friends.

And still, talking about them hurt - a physical pain that carved through his chest and made him shiver.
He just wanted to shove the feelings, all the guilt and pain away and hide them in the depths of himself.

‘But that’s not an option, is it?’ Sangwoo whispered.

Gihun sighed and agreed.
Sangwoo was right. He would talk about them. He needed to.

“There was … another player in there with us. She joined our team a bit later.” He smiled sadly. “Her name was Saebyeok. I actually met her before the games once - I ran into her at a mall and she stole my money.”

He saw Daeho barely suppressing a grin. The boy obviously tried not to be rude and ruin the moment.

Jungbae didn’t look any better but then his face changed to a sudden realisation.

“Hey, do you mean the pickpocket who stole the money you made from that one horse bet?” He gaped at Gihun. “You met her again? In here?”

Gihun nodded. “I have to admit I was angry at her at first. When we got out of the games we were dropped off together and I was trying to get her to give me my money back - not that I had any real chance against her.” He thought back to the way he had pathetically jumped after her, trying to get her to give him his money back while she just laughed and avoided him easily.

He wished he had seen more of this side of her. Of the young, happy girl that laughed at him from the picture on her younger brother’s nightstand. The girl who had just dreamed of her family reunited, living happily together.

He swallowed and shoved the grief that threatened to overtake him away. “I noticed her when she was fighting with another player.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice. “His name was Deok-soo and this guy was basically a combination of player 100 and 230. He was awful.”

“That’s the worst combination ever.” Junhee laughed and Daeho nodded agitated.

“Why did Saebyeok fight him?” Hyun-ju asked. “Did they know each other?”

Gihun nodded. “I don’t know everything but they worked together once. I think they were in a gang together, but she left. He was still very angry about it when they met again and he was threatening her constantly.”

He took a deep breath. “He was also the one to start trouble first. Once we got back from the dalgona game, we were given lunch. But it was very few, nothing compared to these portions.” He nodded at the trays still sitting in the middle of the circle. “We only got one egg and a bottle of water. Naturally, people were still hungry and some of them went back to get seconds.”

Geum-ja scoffed. “And this horrible player was one of them, right?”
Gihun nodded. “Since they got a second portion, some players were left with nothing. One went to Deok-soo and his group and started a fight.”

He let out a shuddering breath. “Deok-soo attacked him. He punched him to death.”

For a second, horrified silence settled over their group. “He just killed him? Was that even allowed?” Young-mi asked, her voice trembling slightly. Hyun-ju put an arm around her shoulder and Gihun saw how the younger girl relaxed at the contact.

He nodded grimly. “The guards just watched and did nothing to stop him. And when his body was taken away more money fell into the piggy bank.”
Instinctively, he looked up at the golden globe. The money inside seemed to mock them, every bill the result of someone’s death.

“But… that would mean killing other players…” Hyun-ju mumbled. “Gives you more money.”, Gihun ended her sentence.

“That’s why it’s so important for all of you to stay careful, especially during the night. I don’t know how many have figured out killing each other is a way to win quicker but they will.”

“But they wouldn’t do that, right?” Jungbae asked. “Playing these games is one thing, but killing someone…”

Gihun let out a shuddering breath. “They would. And they have.”

Chapter Text

“After we saw that there are no consequences for killing another player, we knew what would happen.”

Gihun took a deep breath to prepare himself for what he had to talk about.
The killings that happened that night were still one of the things that haunted his nightmares almost daily.

“Before the lights went out I went to find Saebyeok. I offered her to join our group so she would be safe from Deok-soo. She didn't accept back then but I told her where we would be staying during the night and to join us.”

“That's very kind of you.”, Geum-ja said with a smile. “Yes! Especially if she robbed you before!” Yong-sik added.

Gihun smiled at them. “I saw how Deok-soo stared at her. It was obvious he would try to attack her. I was doing what everyone would do.”

“You're wrong.” Young-il suddenly spoke. Gihun turned to him with a frown. What was he talking about?
“Most people would've left her alone to die. You are a good man for helping her, Gihun.”

His dark eyes stared at Gihun and he felt heat rising to his face.

“Thank you.”, he mumbled, keeping the strange eye contact for another moment before finally tearing his eyes away.

He cleared his throat and started to speak again.
“None of us slept this night. As soon as the lights went out we were laying there, waiting for something to happen.

For a few moments, everything was silent. Then the screaming started.”

He looked at the faces of the people around him. They stared at him, faces a few shades whiter than usual.
Gihun knew he was a good storyteller (he had loved to tell stories to his daughter but he shoved those memories away) but that was not the only reason for the fear on his friend‘s faces.

It was the reality that this could happen to them as well. It was only a short amount of time till lights out, barely an hour if Gihun was correct.

Talking of the massacre that had happened in this room years ago sent shivers down Gihun's spine - and he knew his friends felt no better.

Still, he continued. They needed to be aware of the danger.

“It was pure chaos. There were people screaming everywhere, fighting against each other. Then the lights started to flicker so we could barely see anything. The beds were pushed down, falling to the ground and trapping players under them.”

He closed his eyes, remembering the scene. The screaming and fighting, the fear and panic lingering in the air. The smell of blood.

“Me, Sangwoo and Ali tried to stay out of the fight but it didn't work. I barely remember what happened but there were people everywhere- attacking, defending themselves, it made no difference. They were all slaughtering each other.

We were trying to group together but with the flashing lights and all the chaos it was difficult. Especially since we couldn't find the old man anymore.”

He looked in the worried faces in front of him and felt a sick feeling of guilt churn up in his stomach.
Why did he make them care about Ilnam just to then later reveal who he really was?

Why did he willingly force them to live through the same betrayal as he himself had?

Gihun couldn't say why.
He just knew that he couldn't bear to tell them the trust now.

“What about Saebyeok?” Junhee asked carefully. “Was she with you?”

Gihun shook his head.
“Not in the start. I don't know where she was but she appeared next to us all of a sudden, with blood smeared all over her face.
Deok-soo was right behind her.”

He heard a gasp coming from Geum-ja.

“He tried to go after her but we got in his way. Ali had this giant metal log and he was good at using it.” He smiled. For someone so kind and gentle, Ali had been more than capable of defending himself and the ones around him.

“Sangwoo and I had tried to arm ourselves as well and we managed to keep Deok-soo and his group away at least for a few moments.", he continued. “All around us the fight was still going and we could hear the screams and cries. I honestly did not think we would survive that night.”

“How did you?”, Hyun-ju asked carefully. “Did the guards intervene?”

Gihun nodded. “Not at first. The next thing that happened was that all of a sudden the old man - Ilnam - appeared again.
He had climbed on one of the highest beds and screamed at people, begging them to stop. He was screaming that we would all die if this didn’t stop.” Gihun shuddered at the memories.

“Did it do any good?” Daeho asked and Gihun nodded.

“The players stopped and stared at him - more out of surprise than because they really took his words to heart. But that was also the moment when all of a sudden the lights were turned back on.
Soldiers were storming into the room, carrying weapons and forcing the players to the ground. They took the dead bodies with them and announced that fighting was prohibited for this night.”

“Only for this one night?”, Geum-ja gasped. “What about the next few nights? How were you supposed to sleep if you could get killed any second?”

Gihun nodded grimly. “Only for this night. We kept watch every night and barricaded ourselves into a corner of the room in order to stay safe. But this was the worst night of them all, the next were more peaceful.”

His explanation did nothing to soothe Geum-ja’s worries, but the older woman only nodded and didn’t ask further questions. Gihun shot her a thankful smile.

“How about we stop here for now?”, Young-il asked. “Lights out will be soon and after hearing this I suggest we try to find the safest place to barricade us in.”

Gihun nodded, thankful for a break from reliving the events.

He looked at the players that had just joined his group. With four women and one of them being the elderly Geum-ja they would be an easy target - even if Gihun knew all of them were capable of defending themselves. In case of a fight they would be among the first to be attacked.

Gihun nodded at them. “We are safer if we are more people so let’s stay together for the night. We can set up a camp somewhere in a corner. It’s gonna be the best protected place.”

Young-mi let out a sigh of relief and Hyun-ju shot Gihun a thankful smile while Geum-ja started to thank him profusely.

Gihun waved off their thank. The more people the better and especially Hyun-ju seemed like a good addition. She held herself with a determination and fierceness that reminded Gihun of himself after the games. Like she had seen terrible things and somehow made it out.

“Let’s go. We don’t have a lot of time left.”, the woman said and got up. Gihun nodded and they made their way through the room towards the unoccupied beds in a corner.

They carried some of the mattresses to the ground, putting them underneath the beds for them to sleep on. Since they were so many, a few would have to sleep out in the open. Gihun had already made clear that he would be one of them, shortly followed by Young-il and Hyun-ju.

Gihun let himself sink onto one of the beds, rubbing a hand over his eyes. He felt worn out and exhausted, like all energy had been sucked out of him. Memories he had managed to shove down for years were coming back, faces and voices racing through his head. He felt the familiar guilt return in its full might, pressing down onto him.

He closed his eyes, trying to shove the memories away.

“Ahjussi?” A voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to see Jun-hee standing next to him, one hand pressed against her stomach. He smiled and gestured for her to sit down next to him.

“Do you really think those attacks will happen again?”
Her voice was shaking ever so slightly and Gihun’s heart broke.

She was so incredibly strong being here, especially while being pregnant that he almost forgot how scared she must be.

That was another reason he was relieved to have the other group join theirs. If Jun-hee had any complications due to her pregnancy, none of them would have been able to help her.
Gihun hadn’t even been there when his own daughter had been born so he had no idea what to do. Young-il’s wife was currently pregnant so maybe he would have some knowledge on it, but the risk would still be too big.

Geum-ja in comparison had the knowledge needed and she obviously cared for Junhee. Gihun had watched her give the girl a part of her food before and walk with her to the bathroom at night.
If something happened, she would be able to help.

He looked back at Jun-hee and sighed. How he wished he could tell her no, reassure her that they would be safe.

But he couldn’t. Tensions were already rising and even if it wasn't as bad as last time yet, Gihun did not doubt that it would get even worse.

“I think it’s important for us to be prepared. I can’t say what will happen, but we can’t risk anything.”
She nodded, looking down to the ground. He sighed and put a hand on her shoulder.

“I promise I will do my best to protect you, okay? You will get out of here and Junhee?” She looked at him, tears glinting in her eyes. “You will be an amazing mother.”

A tear rolled down her cheek and out of a sudden, she surged forward and wrapped her arms around him.
He froze for a second before pulling her close.

She reminded him so much of his own daughter and seeing her like this broke his heart. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her and keep her safe.

He wouldn’t survive losing her or anyone else from his group. Not again.

Gihun looked up and found himself facing one of the security cameras. He glared at it, pulling Jun-hee closer, hoping that whoever was behind it would understand his message.

He would get these people out of here. No matter what he had to do.

Chapter Text

Gihun looked in the mirror and sighed. He had decided to go to the bathroom, needing a moment to himself.
He loved the other players and being around them, but he needed to sort his thoughts and to feel like he didn’t have the fate of half a dozen people resting on his shoulders.

He splashed water into his face and shivered at the cold. His eyes fell on himself in the mirror.
He halted, staring at his reflection.

He had let the red hair grow out and wore his black hair short for nearly a year now but some days he still struggled to recognize himself.

Though, that most likely had nothing to do with his hair.

Gihun knew he had changed. He saw how Jung-bae looked at him, like he was a stranger. He knew the other man worried. Maybe he had a reason to.

Gihun had always been the stupid friend. Maybe it had stemmed from his friendship with Sangwoo - everyone looked dumb next to him.
But even after Sangwoo had left to SNU, nothing had changed. Gihun was the happy friend, the one who tripped over his own feet, who got everyone laughing and who was up for the most stupid shit.

His life had not been perfect, far from it. He had made stupid decisions, decisions that nearly cost him everything. He had been ungrateful, gambling with money that was not his own and putting the people around him in danger.
He carried the guilt for the way he had treated his mother and daughter with him every day and he wished nothing more than to change his former decisions.

But even then, deep in debt and at the risk of losing everything, he had still moment of joy and happiness, be it drinking with Jung-bae or quiet talks with Sangwoo‘s mother.

All that had changed three years ago.

Gihun could count the moments he had smiled during the last years on one hand - and none of them had been of true happiness.

Finding joy in the everyday life had suddenly become impossible and every moment when he had felt even the lightest spark of happiness had immediately been swallowed by guilt.

How could he dare to be happy when he was the reason hundreds of people were dead? The reason Saebyeok‘s brother would never see his sister again, the reason Sangwoo‘s mother would forever wait for a son that would never come home? The reason Ali‘s family did not know why he had never returned to them?

Over the years he had become cold. Setting himself a single goal: to stop the games.
He had never thought about what would come after.

To be honest, he had never believed there would be an after. Not for him.
He would stop the games or die trying. At this point he no longer cared which one it would be.

But now - now there was another goal. Another duty he had to fulfill. People he needed to protect, needed to keep alive and safe.

Gihun let out a sigh. How should he ever succeed? How could he protect them all?

“Gihun?“ A voice rang out from behind him and Gihun spun around. When he saw who was standing there, he relaxed.
“Daeho.“ He forced a smile on his face.

“Is everything alright?” The ex-marine studied him. “You were staring at your reflection forever.”

“Yes, don’t worry. Everything is alright.” Gihun tried to make his words sound light and optimistic but they came out defeated. The frown on Daeho’s face deepened.

“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Don’t worry about me.” Gihun started to walk towards the exit, wanting to put an end to this conversation. “Are you coming?”
Daeho nodded and quickly followed him. He didn’t say anything else and Gihun was thankful for it.

When they returned to the group, everyone was engrossed in conversations. Gihun slipped onto his bed, letting his head rest against the hard, cool metal frame. He closed his eyes when he suddenly felt a hand touch his knee.

He opened them and found Young-il sitting next to him. “Are you alright?”, he asked in a quiet voice so only Gihun could hear him.

His first instinct was to lie and reassure him that everything was perfect.
But something in the way the other man looked at him - his eyes full of understanding, with no pity made him stop.

“Not really.”, he confessed. “It’s a lot. Talking about … everything.” His voice nearly broke and he swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat.
He could get emotional later - when everyone was sleeping and no one could see the quiet tears staining his face.

Young-il nodded, an unreadable expression on his face. He swallowed and scooted a bit closer to Gihun, resting one hand on his shoulder. The man instinctively leaned towards it.
“You don’t have to do this, you know?”, he mumbled. “You can say no if it gets too much. Everyone would understand.”

The understanding in his voice almost made Gihun break. How desperately did he want to say yes. To hide himself from reality, to forget about everything and let himself rest. Just for a bit.

But he knew he couldn’t. If anything happened …

“I could never forgive myself.”, he whispered. “If something happened to any of you because I kept information for myself. I can’t do this, not…not again.”

He took a deep breath and felt how Young-il squeezed his shoulder. The other man didn’t say anything but when Gihun looked at him he could see understanding in his eyes.

For a moment, Gihun allowed himself to stay in this moment, to enjoy the comfortable silence and Young-il’s simple presence next to him.

Then, he forced himself to move.

He cleared his throat to get the attention of the people around him. They stopped talking and looked at him.
“We have a bit of time left before the lights go out. If you -“ he swallowed “if you want to I can tell you a bit more. It might help us in the third game tomorrow.”

He felt Young-il‘s hand that still rested on his shoulder tighten. “Are you sure you want to do this?“, the man hissed.
Gihun nodded. “We both know I need to.”, he whispered back before returning his attention to the other player.

Jungbae watched him with a worried expression on his face. “You sure? We can just stop for today you know?”
“Yes.” Daeho agreed. “It’s okay if we continue tomorrow!”

“No.” Gihun shook his head. “We won’t have enough time before the third game starts and I need you to know as much as possible.” He forced a smile on his face. “I’m alright, don’t worry.”

“If you say so…” Jungbae mumbled, obviously not convinced.

“In this case, let’s start. We need to be finished before nighttime.”
Gihun looked at Young-il in surprise. He hadn’t expected the other man to agree with him but he was thankful for it.

The players scooted together again, forming a circle on the ground. They were shielded from the rest of the room by the bed frames and it let a feeling of safety appear in Gihun. He knew how fake it was - nothing in here was safe but it made it easier to start talking.

“Before the third game we had to split up in groups of ten.”
“Oh, like us before the pentathlon!” Yong-sik said and Gihun nodded.

“We were already a group of five - Sangwoo, Ali, Saebyeok, Ilnam and me. We each went and searched for a second person.”

Geum-ja frowned. “It must have been difficult to find people, right? I had trouble finding someone for the second game because of my age and I can imagine that most men didn’t want to have any girls on their team either!”

Gihun nodded grimly. “Yes, sadly it was. But we did it and in the end we were a group of seven men and three women. Saebyeok brought another girl, I think her name was”

He froze.
Had he forgotten her name?
No. No, he had vowed to remember them - remember all the people he had met here, all the people that had died here.

What had been her name?

Gihun shut his eyes, concentrating. He remembered mumbling the names of all the players every night before falling asleep to make sure they were remembered.

Something with I? No. No, her name had started with J.

“Jiyeong! Her name was Jiyeong.”
He let out a sigh of relief.
He remembered. She was not forgotten.

He noticed the worried looks on his friends faces at his outbreak and cleared his throat.

“They became friends after.”, he explained. ‘Friends - before they were forced to kill each other’, Sangwoo whispered. Gihun shoved him away.

“Once every team was complete we were led into a different room. When we stepped through the door we stood on a platform.” He swallowed.
“We were several meters in the air and when we looked ahead, we could see an even higher, second platform.
They had us sit down and announced the third game.
Tug of war.”

Chapter Text

“Tug of war?”, Jung-bae echoed and Gihun nodded.
“There were six teams. Two each had to compete against each other.”

“But that would mean half of the players die!” Yong-sik exclaimed.
Gihun nodded. “The players were reduced to only thirty after this game.”

Instinctively all of them lifted their heads to look at the billboard hanging above them.
225
225 people were left alive.

Would almost 200 people in this room be dead by tomorrow?
The question made Gihun shiver. He tried to reassure himself. There were a lot more people left this time than it had been the last time. Their number wouldn’t drop that fast.

But it would drop. People would die, again and again till the games stopped. Till Gihun managed to stop them.
Every second he was here, time was wasted. Every game they played, every death was on his account. He had come here to stop the games, to save the people here - and now he was watching them being slaughtered, unable to do anything.

Not for the first time, regret grabbed him, cold and unforgiving.
How did he fail that bad? How had he ever thought he would be able to succeed? That he was strong enough to change something, only because he had somehow survived the first games? Because of a victory that wasn’t even his?

He hadn’t survived because of anything he had done. He had survived because of Ali and Saebeyeok and Sangwoo and even because of Ilnam.

But this time no one would save him. This time he had to save the people around him.

“Do you think there will be this few left after tomorrow?” Gihun heard Young-mi whisper. He couldn’t answer her. He did not know what he could possibly tell her.

“No, I don’t think so. We are a lot more people this time and we will protect each other. We will be alright.” Hyunju answered instead of him and Gihun could see the smaller girl relax slightly.

His heart ached while he watched the interaction between the two girls. He remembered two other girls who had become friends in this place, three years earlier.
He remembered how it had ended.

He remembered the way Saebyeok had lost all hope once Jiyeong was dead. The grief and guilt that she should've never been forced to carry.

Would it end the same way for them?

No. No, Gihun would not let that happen.

He shook his head to shove away the thoughts. He needed to finish telling them about the game before lights out. Maybe this would give them a chance.

“Our team wasn’t among the first two to get chosen.” He started. “We watched how they were led onto the higher platform. A rope was strung across it and all of them were chained to it to prevent anyone from escaping.” He swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat.

“One of the guards fired and the game began. Both teams started to pull.” He saw how Geum-ja gripped the hand of her son.
“It only lasted for a few minutes before one of the teams made a mistake. They got pulled forward till they slipped off the platform, still all dangling from the rope.
Then the rope was cut.”

He heard a gasp coming from one of his friends but Gihun stared onto the ground, trying to push the screams of the losing team out of his mind.

“They fell to their death?” Daeho asked, voice hoarse. Gihun nodded silently.

“We were the next team to get chosen.” He just wanted this to be over with. Please.

“I don’t want to sound rude but weren’t you a pretty bad team for this game?” Yong-sik asked, throwing a glance towards his mother. “With the old man and a few women this game must’ve been harder for you, right?”

Gihun knew what he was worried about. His mother was old and immediately seen as weaker because of that - even though Gihun could see that she was not to be underestimated.
Still, Yong-sik must be worried out of his mind about how to keep her safe. Especially in games like these, where pure strength seemed to be the only way to win.

Finally a question Gihun could actually answer.

“We thought so as well.”, he explained. “I was sure there would be no way to survive this. But in the end, it was the old man that made us win.”

And Sangwoo, he added silently. He would talk about him later, but for the moment he needed to reassure Yong-sik and Geum-ja.

“Really? How?" Junhee asked.
Yong-sik leaned forward so he wouldn’t miss a single word and Gihun could see the interest burning in Geum-ja’s eyes even though she kept it hidden better than her son.

“He showed us a strategy on how to play and win even though we weren’t as strong as the other team.
He explained how to sort the team the right way - the strongest, most reliable one in the back, everyone sorted so every second player stood on opposite sides of the rope. Ali was the one in the back.”, he added.

Daeho smiled. “Of course he was! He caught you with one hand, he must’ve been the strongest one out of all the players!”

Gihun nodded, swallowing against the tears that threatened to appear in his eyes when he thought about his friend. “He was.”, he said, choking on the words.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his back, bringing a comforting weight. Gihun didn't need to check to know it was Young-il, who once again seemed to magically know exactly what Gihun needed at the moment.

Gihun took a deep breath and focused on the warmth of Young-il’s hand before he continued to speak.

“Il-nam had other tricks as well.”, he started. “When the guard fired the gun, we all leaned back as far as we could. We did not pull, only tried everything we could to stay in our place while the other team tried to pull us forward.
As soon as they made a mistake, we started to pull.”

The group was dead silent, all eyes on Gihun. He felt Young-il’s hand rubbing circles on his back.

“For a few minutes it seemed to work. We managed to take a few steps back and the other team was struggling. I thought we had won.” He paused for a second.
“But then they managed to organize themselves once more and really started to work together.
They were stronger than us and we lost ground quickly till I was mere steps away from the ledge.”

He saw Jung-bae gripping his water bottle tight enough that Gihun was scared it might break any second.

“Sangwoo was the one to save us. He told us to go forward at his signal.”
“Go forward?” Geum-ja exclaimed. “Was he crazy?”
Gihun shook his head. “For a second I thought he was, but he was far more clever than anyone else there.

He counted to three and we let go, going three steps forward. It was close - I was dangling over the edge, but it worked - the other team hadn’t expected the sudden loss and they fell backwards.”

He could see the realization dawn on the people around him.

“Once they had fallen it was no longer hard for us to pull backwards. They couldn’t get up anymore and slipped off the platform.”
He stared onto his hands, imagining blood dripping off them …

“Then, they cut the rope.”

For a second, deadly silence was hanging over their group. Gihun swallowed, images rising in front of his inner eye. The way their bodies had swung through the air, the screaming, the silence after the screams stopped…

“They died?” Junhee asked, her voice quiet and comforting.

Gihun nodded, eyes still fixated on his hands. “All ten of them. They had no chance to survive the fall.”
He closed his eyes, clenching his teeth together.
“I can still hear their screams," he whispered.

They served as a constant background noise in his nightmares, together with Saebyeok’s pleas to go home and Sangwoo’s rasped “I’m sorry.”

He did not mention that part.

Actually he wondered when he had even become this comfortable with the people around him. He told no one about his nightmares, about the guilt or the panic attacks. He hadn’t opened up to anyone in years.

You didn’t have anyone to talk to. Sangwoo’s voice mumbled. Then, even quieter: Maybe now you do.

Gihun opened his eyes again and was met with sadness and understanding written in the faces of his friends. Young-il’s fingers were still rubbing over his back, providing a comforting link to reality that Gihun clung to with all his might.

“If you ever need to talk about this - you know, really talk - you can come to anyone of us.”
Geum-ja’s voice was laced with care and so motherly that Gihun nearly choked on his own grief.
He managed to croak out a hoarse “Thank you,.” and she shot him a kind smile that he knew he didn’t deserve.

He didn’t deserve any of them caring for him, worrying for him.
He was supposed to look after them, not the other way around.

But he did not manage to tell them off. And even if it threatened to choke him with guilt, a part of him was yearning for this - to finally be understood, for someone to acknowledge what he had gone through. He wanted, no, he needed someone to care for him.

He did not deserve it, he knew that.
But that didn’t stop him from wanting.

Chapter Text

“Should we stop for today?” Jung-bae asked, shooting a worried glance in Gihun’s direction. He nodded, pretending to not notice the concern in his friend’s voice.

“Lights out will be in a few minutes. I’m gonna take the first watch.”, he mumbled.
He knew Young-it wanted to protest but he shot him a look and the other man stilled.

“Wake me after a few hours. You need to sleep.”

Gihun gave him a nod and pulled himself up. They both knew he wouldn’t wake him if it wasn’t completely necessary but to his relief, Young-il stayed silent.

“Lights out in ten minutes.” The generic voice announced from the speakers and the group rose, making themselves ready for the night. Gihun pretended not to notice the worried glances thrown in his direction and stretched, feeling his muscles ache.

He was really getting old.

With a groan he lowered himself onto his bed and leaned against the metal headrest. His body ached for sleep but he would not risk another nightmare. He would be fine.

He always was.

A weight settled next to him and Gihun opened his eyes, expecting to see Jung-bae or maybe Young-il.
He blinked in surprise when he saw Hyun-ju settling down next to him instead.

For a moment they sat in silence, before she started to speak.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but you can talk to me, okay?”

He opened his mouth to reply but she interrupted him.

“Let me finish, please.” Her voice was firm but kind and he nodded, slumping back against the rail once more.
“I get it. I served in the army before, you know, this.” She gestured to her body and he nodded.
She was talking about her becoming a woman. A faint part of him wondered if he should find this strange but he was far beyond caring about things like this.
She was a good person, man or woman. Good people were getting hard to find these days.

“I was not only a soldier, I was also an army medic. A psychiatrist, to be exact. Believe me, I have seen a lot. So, I get it. And I won’t judge. I - I know what it feels like.”

She looked at him and once again Gihun felt this feeling of familiarity. Like they shared similar experiences.

He smiled. “Thank you Hyun-ju. I -“ He stocked “I will come back to you, okay?”

“Thank you.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just remember that you’re not alone, okay?”

She left before he could answer.

“Lights out in 10, 9, 8,...” the voice started to count and Gihun moved to the front of the bed so he was facing the open room. Behind him he could hear his team mates scooting under the beds and whispering goodnights.

Then, the lights went out.

Gihun held his breath. Maybe it were the memories of the massacre that had happened during such a similar night that made him feel this tense.
Maybe it was just his usual paranoia.

Whatever it was, he was almost suprised when the darkness wasn't followed by the sound of screams and panic.

A deep silence had instead settled over the room, only interrupted by hushed whispers and the creaking of the beds when a player moved.

Gihun dared to relax.

He leaned back, careful to stay in a position where he could overlook the whole room.
He wasn't scared to fall asleep - sleep hadn't come easy to him in years - but he still didn't dare to get too comfortable.

If he fell asleep and something happened he would never forgive himself.

Hours ran by like sand.
The night was quiet, the players deep asleep, exhausted from the race for life and death.

Gihun stretched, trying to get rid of the tiredness in his muscles when suddenly, a sound made him freeze.

A barely suppressed sob.

He stood still, trying to hear where the sound came from.
All his muscles were tensed up, the mental image of a player being killed in the night, struggling for their last breath racing through his head…

More sobbing.
Followed by whimpering and laboured breathing.

Gihun relaxed slightly. This was not the sound of someone dying.

He carefully stood up, making his way towards the sound.
Someone was having a nightmare.

And he will be damned if he didn't check on them.

It was Daeho.

Gihun kneeled down next to the mattress the younger man was laying on, careful not to hit his head on the bed frame he was hidden under.

Daeho had originally protested to take one of the secure spots underneath the beds, saying that he didn’t need it and someone else should be sleeping there instead. But Gihun, Young-il and Hyun-ju had very quickly made clear that they would be the one to take the open spaces and no one else.

Watching Daeho now only confirmed Gihun that it had been the right decision.

The young man was tossing around, sweat running down his forehead, letting strands of hair stick to his face. His eyes were scrunched close, tear tracks running down his cheeks. He was still mumbling to himself, occasionally flinching backwards and whimpering as if he was attacked.

Gihun‘s heart broke at the sight.

He carefully extended one hand, lightly touching Daeho‘s shoulder. He had been woken up from enough nightmares himself to know not to scare the other man.

“Daeho? It’s Gihun. You are safe, open your eyes.”, he mumbled, careful to keep his voice calm and steady.

Daeho didn't react to his words, his mumbles becoming louder, interrupted by broken sobs. Gihun carefully shook his shoulder, keeping a steady streak of calming words going.

“Daeho? Open your eyes. You are safe. Daeho. It's Gihun. You are safe. You are safe.”

When the younger man once again showed no reaction, Gihun sighed and shook his
shoulder slightly harder till finally Daeho’s eyes flew open.

He jumped up and would've hit his head on the metal frame above if Gihun hadn't placed his hand there at the last second.

Still, Daeho flinched at the impact, scooting away from Gihun as far as possible.
His eyes were racing through the room, still haunted by the nightmare.

Gihun raised his hands, careful to keep a calm demeanor to not frighten the boy even more.
“Daeho, it's me, Seoung Gihun. You are safe.”

Daeho blinked, his eyes clearing a bit. “Gihun?” His voice wavered like Gihun had never heard before and his inside clenched painfully at how broken he sounded.

“Yes, it's me. Gihun.” He lowered himself even farther so Daeho could completely see his face. The younger man was panting, sweat collecting at the rim of his shirt. One of his hands was tightly curled around a metal frame of the bed, the other raised in a futile attempt to fend off an attacker.

Gihun carefully extended one hand towards his teammate, searching his eyes for any reaction. “You are safe, Daeho. It’s Gihun, you are safe.”

He remembered waking up from nightmares, blind to reality, thrashing around in his bed to fend off invisible attackers. No one had been there to calm him down and often it took hours for him to find his way back into reality.
After nights like these he had often refused to sleep for days, keeping himself awake with coffee and alcohol till he broke down and the cycle repeated.

He didn’t know what Daeho had experienced for him to suffer from terrors like this, but Gihun would make sure the boy would not live through that same hell.

Daeho stared at his hand. Moments ran by while Gihun’s mind was racing with thoughts. How could he help him? What was he even doing? He was not equipped to help someone in a position like this. Why hadn’t he just got Hyun-ju? The woman would have known what to do. Instead, Gihun was sitting here, with no real idea how to help, probably making everything worse -

Daeho took his hand.

For a moment neither of them moved. Then, Gihun slightly extended his arm, inviting him to come closer.

Daeho scooted towards him and then, he let himself fall forward into Gihun’s arms. He caught the younger man, pulling him close as his body was racked by sobs.

Helplessly, Gihun started to rub circles on his back, hoping to soothe the other man in any way. His heart broke at the heart wrenching sobs that came from him. What had happened to him?

After a few minutes, Daeho’s sobs died down and he pulled away from Gihun.
He wiped his hand across his eyes, trying to dry the tear stains that still remained on his cheeks. Gihun silently watched him, wanting to give him the space he needed in the moment.

“I’m sorry.”

Daeho’s voice was so quiet, Gihun almost couldn’t understand him. He blinked, debating whether he had heard right.

“Daeho, you have no need to apologize.” He carefully laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to catch Daeho’s eyes, but the man kept his head down.

“I had no right to worry you, I was fine.” He still didn’t look up.

Gihun frowned. “Daeho, with all respect, but you were not fine. And that is okay.”, he tried to soothe the younger man, but he scooted back, away from Gihun.

“You can go back to keeping watch, I don’t want to disturb you. I will be fine.”

“Daeho.” Gihun said, sharper this time. Finally, the younger player looked up.
“You don’t have to be ashamed of this. You had a nightmare, there is nothing wrong with that but I will not go back and leave you like this.”

Daeho fumbled with the ends of his jacket. “I shouldn’t have nightmares.”, he mumbled, quiet enough that Gihun almost missed it.

Finally, the realization dawned on him. Daeho was obviously feeling ashamed for his outbreak - probably because someone in his life had led him to feel like this. The thought made Gihun’s blood boil.

“Daeho?”, he asked again. The younger man’s eyes shot up, the redness of his tears still staining his face. He looked so much younger like this and Gihun’s anger at whoever made him feel like this only tenfold.

“You don’t have to be ashamed for having a nightmare.” Daeho opened his mouth as if to protest but Gihun silenced him with a single look.
“You don’t. I get nightmares. Almost every night.” He swallowed, feeling the familiar need to stop talking, to let no one see his vulnerability. But this was not about him. This was about Daeho.

“I also get panic attacks. Sometimes I forget where I am, or what year it is. I haven’t slept a peaceful night in years.”, he admitted, feeling Daeho stare at him.

“I am not any weaker because of this. And neither are you.”
He felt like he was. Every time he was having an attack or a nightmare he felt the humiliation, the fear of being too weak to protect the one’s around him. But that was not what Daeho needed to hear.

The younger man stared at him, shock and understanding written over his face.
“Thank you.”, he said, voice still raspy from the tears he had shed earlier. “I - I don’t want to talk right now but can - “ he stocked for a moment. “Can I just hold watch with you?”

Gihun knew what he was saying. He didn’t want to be alone.

He nodded, extending a hand to the other man to lift him up from the ground.

Walking back to the front, Daeho stayed silent, but he shot Gihun a thankful smile after they settled down.

That was everything he needed.

Chapter Text

The morning came slowly.

There were no windows in the sleeping quarters, so the only way of indicating the time were the lights that turned off at night and on in the morning.

As far as Gihun was aware, the game makers could be playing tricks on them the entire time.

Altering the time as another method of torture.

Make the nights shorter, the days stretching longer and longer and everyone feeling unrested.
Or the opposite: shortening the days and making the nights an unbearable length, during which the players were forced to lay awake and wait in the darkness, unsure whether to hope for the return of the day - or to dread it, knowing what it would bring.

If they were changing the length, this night was definitely a long one.

It felt like Gihun spent days sitting alone in the darkness, Daeho long asleep on one of the beds.

When finally the lights flared up and classic music flooded the room, Gihun didn’t know whether he should cry from joy or terror.

The night was over.
A new day full of slaughter and death has started.

Around him, his teammates were slowly waking up. Hyun-ju stretched and shot Gihun a questioning glance. He smiled back. No use in her worrying about him.

Something touched his arm and Gihun turned around. He saw Daeho sitting up next to him, his hair tousled by sleep. His eyes were wide open and he stared at Gihun with a pleading look.

He understood and slightly nodded. He would not tell anyone about the previous night. The younger man sacked together in obvious relief before putting on a smile and jumping off the bed.

Gihun watched him hopp over to Jun-hee and start a light conversation, laughing and joking. He wondered, briefly, how much of his behaviour was faked, a carefully constructed perception of happiness.

He probably didn’t want to know the answer.

Gihun flinched when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. He looked up and found Young-il standing over him, an unreadable expression in his face.
“You didn’t wake me." he said, quiet enough so only the two of them could hear.

“I didn’t.”

“Did you wake anyone else?”

Gihun shook his head, not looking away from the other man . He could see a range of emotions flicker over Young-il’s face.
Finally, he sighed and shook his head, breaking their eye contact.

“You can’t do this. You need your strength to survive here and for that you need sleep.” His voice stayed calm but Gihun felt the hold on his shoulder tightening.

“I am fine. I wasn’t tired so there was no use waking anyone else.”, he hissed back.

“Stop this!” Young-il shouted.

Geum-ja shot them a questioning glance and Young-il grit his teeth, lowering his voice again.
“You are not invincible. I will take watch tomorrow and you will rest. Understood?”

Gihun sighed but he nodded regardless. This was neither the time nor the place for a fight. “ I will get something to eat. Are you coming?”

Young-il nodded but his hand stayed on Gihun’s shoulder, even when they gathered the rest of their group for breakfast.
He did not protest.

Gihun stared at his food. It wasn’t much, barely enough to fuel the worst of his hunger. But the mere thought of eating made his stomach sturn.
He dreaded the knowledge of what was awaiting him today.

Not only the next game - the dozens of deaths, the responsibility of keeping his team alive, the fear of losing another person.

No, worse than that was the knowledge of what he would be forced to talk about.

He knew the others would want to hear more. The next game.
The marbles.

He was not ready to talk about it. He did not want to talk about it.

He still felt guilt every time he thought back to the day.

He knew Il-nam was not who he had pretended to be. He hadn’t died, had never been at the risk of dying. He was at fault for everything that had happened.

But that was the whole problem, wasn’t it? He knew. NOW, he knew.

But not back then. Not during the games, not when he had cheated and tricked to save himself.

He had been willing to kill an old, innocent man to win and save himself. Worse than that - he had used his weaknesses, the trust he had placed in him and tricked him.

Even though he had never died - the blood was still in his hands.

If he was capable of that, what else was he capable of? Had he any right to look down on any other player who had killed to save themselves? Was he any different?

He knew the answer to this question and it made him feel sick.

But he had no way of avoiding talking about it. His team deserved the truth - the whole truth. Not only about the games but about Gihun as well. They needed to see what he was capable of, who he really was.

And if it led to them kicking him out of the team, he would accept it. He knew he deserved nothing less and the thought of using them, exploiting their kindness any longer made him shiver.

They needed to know.

Determined, Gihun set down his plate. He cleared his throat and noticed the eyes of his fellow players wandering to him.

“We still have time before the next game begins. I will tell you about the next game. It's something you deserve to know.”

Geum-ja placed a hand on his leg. “Are you sure? You don't have to rush yourself, we have enough time.”

The care in her voice twisted his inside and he had to close his eyes. She had no idea of what he had done. He did not deserve her kindness.

“It's alright.”, he managed to croak. “I need to tell you.”

Jungbae shot him a worried look but to Gihun's relief he stayed silent. The group scooted closer together and Gihun could feel the apprehension and nervousness hanging between them.

He started to speak.

“Before the game started we were all asked to choose a partner.”

Yong-sik's eyes lit up. “A game in pairs?”

Gihuns stomach knotted. “Something like that.”

He cleared his throat and continued. “We had to shake hands to choose our partner. Sangwoo and Ali got together as a pair and I chose the old man.”

He saw Geum-ja smile at him and his guilt felt like an ice cold knife cutting through his heart. He had to close his eyes before he could continue.

“We were led into another room. It was built like a town - there were different streets and houses and every pair was led to another corner or alley.”

He saw Hyun-ju frown and he knew she had figured out that something was wrong.

“A guard gave each of us a pouch with ten marbles inside.”

“Are there any pair games with marbles?” Daeho asked, furrowing his brows.

“No, there aren't…” Hyun-ju mumbled. “This wasn't a pair game, was it?”

Gihun shook his head. “There was an announcement.”, he whispered. “We would have to play a game against our partner. Whoever managed to take all of their marbles first would win.”

He saw how the realization washed over his team.

Jun-hee covered her mouth with one hand, the other automatically wandering to her belly. Geum-ja gripped Yong-sik's hand, who looked like he might be sick any minute.
Hyun-ju closed her eyes in defeat, wrapping an arm around Young-mi.

Young-il didn't react. He only looked at Gihun with a sadness in his eyes that seemed to run much deeper than Gihun could ever understand.

“You had to play against each other?” Daeho croaked.

“But - they didn't tell you! You would've picked someone else! Not the person you are the closest with!” Jungbae shouted.

“That was their goal.”, Gihun sighed. “They tricked us to make it more interesting.”

“This is sick! What kind of people would ever do this?” Geum-ja looked pale and gripped the hand of her son hard enough that it must've hurt.

Jun-hee had stayed silent but now her eyes locked with Gihun's. “What happened?”
There was a trust in her eyes, a belief that Gihun had somehow figured out the game, that he had managed to save the old man and himself.

He wanted to scream.

He did not deserve her trust in him. He had blood on his hands, so much blood.
He knew that they deserved to know, that they needed to know, but selfish as he was, he wished he could delay the moment just a bit longer.

He didn't want to see the disgust in their eyes. The betrayal. The disappointment.

“We started playing. Odds or even.” His voice was merely a whisper and he half-mindedly asked himself if the others could even hear him.
“Il-nam was winning. He was winning and I only had one marble left.” He closed his eyes.

“I tricked him. He guessed the right answer but he forgot. He asked me what he had guessed and I said even.” He wanted to gag.
“I didn't stop. I kept playing and I kept cheating.” He could feel the eyes on him but he couldn't look at them.

“I tricked him and I won.”

For a moment, everything stood still. It felt like the whole room was holding its breath. Gihun still had his eyes clenched shut.
“I just wanted to survive.”, he whispered.

He hadn't wanted to do this - to search for explanations and excuses but the silence was so loud that the words just kept flowing.

“I didn't know how badly I wanted to survive till I thought I was dead. I didn't want to trick him but I just wanted to live. I just wanted to live.”

It seemed so stupid now. He had been so willing to do anything, to sacrifice every part of himself that was good just to survive - only to come back now, years later and risk his life again.

A hand landed on his arm and Gihun flinched back.

He tore open his eyes and found Young-il sitting in front of him.
Gihun stared at him, expecting anger and disappointment in his eyes - but to his surprise he found nothing like it.

Instead, Young-il looked at him with concern.

“Gihun - you didn't do anything wrong. You were trying to survive, it's what anyone would have done.”

Gihun blinked, unable to process the words.

Jungbae nodded. “Not to say that it was good or something but you were trying to survive. We really can't blame you.”

“But - I killed him.” Gihun's eyes raced through the members of his group.
He could see sadness in their eyes, fear and anger - but no accusations. No disappointment.

“This is the fault of the gamemaker.”, Young-il continued. “They killed him. Not you.”

Gihun felt something drop on his hand. He lifted it up to his face and only now noticed that his cheeks were wet. Had he started crying?

“But -”

This time it was Hyun-ju who interrupted him.

“What you did was wrong but no one can blame you for wanting to survive. You came back, years later just to help other people - to help us. You're not a bad person. You were forced to do horrible things but his death is not your fault.”

Gihun could see the others nodding and he swallowed.
He didn't know why they forgave him. He would probably never be able to forgive himself.

But looking into their kind faces, he felt thankfulness rise in himself.

He didn't deserve these people.

Chapter Text

What about the others?” Jun-hee didn’t look at Gihun, instead staring down at her hands folded in her lap.
“If everyone was put into pairs…” She didn’t finish her sentence. She didn’t have to.

“Saebyeok and Sangwoo survived.”, Gihun whispered. He swallowed, fighting against the tears threatening to rise to his eyes.
“A - Ali and Jiyeong…t- they…” He broke off, pressing one hand against his mouth to stifle the sob threatening to tear itself out of him.

Why did it still hurt so much?

It had been three years. He should be able to talk about their death without breaking down. God knows, he had thought about it every night in said three years, replaying the events again and again to try and find a way to save them.

Then why did it still hurt so much?

“Because you never mourned them.”, Sangwoo’s voice whispered.

Gihun wanted to protest. Of course he mourned them, he hadn’t spent a day not mourning them.
But…

“You never allowed yourself to mourn them. You let yourself be swallowed by your guilt and regret and didn’t allow yourself to process their death. Of course it still hurts.”

Gihun stifled another sob.
He was right, of course he was.

Every time the pain felt even a bit less severe, every moment he didn’t spend in regret, he felt the guilt wash over him worse than ever before.

How dare he be happy when they could never be happy again?
How dare he smile, laugh, or even just spend a minute in peace when they died because of him?

How dare he be alive when they were dead?

Gihun pressed his hands into fists, feeling his nails break through the soft flesh of his palms.
The pain felt good.

It felt right. Deserving.

He had caused so much pain. No matter what happened to him he would never be able to repay it all.

His nails tore deeper. He felt something warm run down his palms.

All he could see were their faces.
Ali; smiling, waving at him. Trusting him.
Saebyeok; her eyes tired and exhausted but still so full of fondness when looking at Jiyeong.
All fondness gone, replaced by grief mere hours later.

It was his fault. He could have found a way to stop this. He could’ve…

“-hun! Gihun!”

He felt a hand wrapping around his own. Prying open his closed fist.

“Gihun!”

Someone… someone was calling his name. What - ?

Gihun opened his eyes.

He could see Young-il stare at him, his face mere inches away from his own, but the image was blurry and unfocused. He could still see Ali’s face, smiling and happy.

“Gihun. Are you listening to me?”

He blinked, trying to focus on Young-il's face. Only after a moment did he registered the question and forced himself to nod.

“Good. I need you to breathe, okay? Calm and deep breaths, you understand?”

Gihun wanted to protest. He knew that Young-il was trying to get him out of a panic attack but that wasn't necessary. He was fine.
To show Young-il, he took a deep breath.

And almost choked when the air hit his lungs, throwing him into a coughing fit.
He hadn’t even noticed how shallow his breathing had become and how desperately he needed the fresh air.

Young-il was still looking at him, a hand on Gihun's shoulder he only now started to register. “Good. Come on, again. Breathe.”

Gihun nodded, forcing himself to take another breath. And another.

Finally, after what may have been hours or seconds, he felt his racing heart calm down.
He smiled at Young-il, silently thanking him for his help. He felt his shoulder getting squeezed in return.

By now, his senses had returned in full which mostly meant that he was extremely aware of the dozens of eyes tearing into his back.
Even though Gihun dreaded it, he turned around to face the others.

The first eyes he met were Daeho's and the look in them made him pause for a second. It was full of sorrow, understanding and… relief.
Gihun felt thrown back to last night, when he had calmed Daeho from his own panic attack, reassuring him that it was nothing to be ashamed of.

And now Daeho had watched him being thrown into panic. He felt a strange feeling of joy wander over him. If this would make Daeho feel better about himself and help him open up about his own issues, there was at least some good in him freaking out like this.

Gihun smiled at the young man and Daeho returned his smile after a second.
He cleared his throat, trying to remember where he had stopped his… story? It felt wrong to call it a story but wasn't it exactly that to anyone but himself?

“I'm… sorry.”, he started, choosing his words carefully. If he acted ashamed over his attack, it would only make Daeho feel worse. “I didn't want to stop like this, but… the memories can be hard.” He swallowed, trying to keep the memories at bay.

“A - Ali and Jiyeong didn't survive. Ali was teamed up with Sangwoo. I - I don't know what happened.”
That wasn't the whole truth. Gihun had a theory, a theory so terrible he didn't even let himself think about it. He didn't want to believe it.

“Jiyeong, she - she sacrificed herself for Saebyeok.” He shuddered, remembering how Saebyeok had told him, spitting out the words dripping with self hatred.
“It broke her.”, he whispered, seeing Young-mi shudder.

“Ah-jussi… do you believe they will make us play a game like this?” Jun-hee's voice was shaking ever so slightly and she held one hand protectively over her stomach.
Gihun wanted to tell her no. He was praying to every god he had never believed in that they would not be forced to play another game like this.

But…

“I don't know. I hope not, I really do. But I don't know.”

Chapter Text

A heavy silence had settled over the group. Gihun kept his head lowered, not looking anyone in the eyes. He heard a shuffling from next to him but before the person could start speaking, they were interrupted by the speaker turning on.

“All player, please gather by the entrance. The next games will begin shortly.” The terribly cheerful voice announced.

Gihun felt his heart starting to hammer.

This was it. The third game.

He lifted his head and looked around his group. Geum-ja gripped the hand of her son tightly, her face set to a expression of determination.
Hyun-ju looked very similar to her, her eyes fixated on Young-mi next to her.

Gihun could see her eyes wander down to her blue O badge and a flash of guilt wash over her face before it set back into a stoic mask.

He had thought about asking her why she had chosen to stay here rather than leave but it would've been no use.
The damage was done. They just had to work with it.

They just had to survive.

Daeho cleared his throat. “Let's do this!” his voice was cheery but Gihun could hear the tremble barely hidden behind his smile. “This will be easy, right? We are such a good team, this won't be a problem!”

Jung-bae nodded, joining Daeho in his motivation. “Come on, let's go!”

He and Daeho wandered ahead, talking and laughing in an attempt to cheer each other up.
Gihun felt a smile wash over his face before the fear returned, cold and unforgiving.

Would this be the last time he saw them laugh? What if -

No. No, he would not fall into desperation. Not now, with people who needed him.

“Let's go.”
He stretched out a hand towards Jun-hee to help her off the ground and the group made their way towards Daeho and Jung-bae who were waiting a few steps away from the entrance.

The guards led them through the all too familiar maze of pastel coloured stairs and hallways.
The happy colours and shapes seemed to laught at Gihun, making fun of the fear and panic settled in his chest.

He tore his eyes away and fixated them back on his team.

His team.

It felt strange to think about them like this.

When he thought of his team, he still had the image of Ali, Sangwoo and Saebeyeok in front of his eyes.

He had promised himself not to get this close to other players. He would not survive grief like he had felt the last time.

But now…

Now he had found them and grief seemed inescapable.

He swallowed and focused on setting one step in front of the other.

They would survive. He needed them to survive.

The room they were led into was one Gihun didn't recognize.

He had expected nothing else but still let out a heavy sigh of relief seeing that they were not playing tug of war again.

Instead of platforms floating dozens of meters over the ground, the room was round and designed to look like a circus.
Almost the entire room was made up by a big, round platform in the middle. In the centre stood a carousel with 4 hourses alongside it.

Slowly, the player walked into the room, scanning it carefully.

Gihun studied the doors in the wall all around it. Numbers were written above, going from one to fifty.
Would this be some sort of sorting game?

He was thrown out of his thoughts by the mechanical announcement starting.

“The game you will be playing is Mingle. All players, please step onto the center platform. When the game starts, the platform will begin to rotate, and you will hear a number. You must form groups of that size, go into the rooms, and close the door within 30 seconds.”

Gihun stood there like frozen, his eyes racing over the different doors. Fifty.

People would be fighting for a place. He scanned the room and saw the players grouping together, whispering to each other.

Everyone had found teams, friends, alliances.
This was the perfect way to split them up. To make them break.

His eyes wandered back to his own group.

Nine

They were nine people. That was not good.
They couldn't split in groups of four or two without someone being left out.

Maybe they could find others to join if they were too few, but…

There was so much that could go wrong.

He shook his head, breaking out of his mind spiral.
He wouldn't be able to protect them if he was busy panicking.

“Come on.”
Together, they stepped onto the platform, grouping together.

Gihun nervously tapped a finger against the fabric of his jumpsuit. The silence in the room felt deafening, only interrupted by a few whispers.

Suddenly, Young-il turned around, extending one hand. “We can do this.”

One after the other, they extended their hands, putting them on top of eavh other.

“One, two, no defeat!”

The words tasted stale in Gihun's mouth and he felt his heart bleed at the fear in the eyes of his team.

“Let the game begin.”
With the words of the announcement, Gihun felt a sudden ripple go through the platform.
He saw Yong-sik stabilise his mother as the ground started to move, rotating them around in a circle.
At the same time, music began to play.

Gihun recognized the childrens song almost immediately and it sent shivers down his spine.
Once more he cursed the gamemaker for destroying any happy or comforting memory he had left.

He had once thought back to his childhood with fondness. His mother had always been poor but his childhood had still been a happy one, full off friends and games and playing outside all day.

Now he got sick whenever he thought back to playing Squid game together with Sangwoo and the other children from his neighborhood or marbles with his mother.

The song played on and Gihun felt his anxiety grow with every passing second.

He could feel Young-il's presence next to him but it did little good to ease his panic.

When the platform finally stopped, Gihun was almost relieved.

“Ten.”

Immediately, panic broke out. Gihun's eyes raced across his group.
They were 9, they just needed one more person. Just one more.

At this moment, Hyun-ju turned around and pulled a woman towards their group. It was the Shaman, the woman that had joined their group during the second game.

“Lets go!”, Jungbae screamed and then they were running, Daeho in the front and Gihun last, watching everyone while being painfully aware off their time running out.

Young-il pulled open one of the doors and held it open. One after the other the ran inside, Gihun throwing himself forward to make it inside at the last moment.

Young-il slammed the door shut and he could hear the lock clicking in.

For a second, the silence was filled with nothing but the erratic, rasping breaths of his team members.

Then the shooting started.
And the screams.

There was a little window in the door.
Gihun felt like his legs were moving on autopilot when he walked over and crouched down to look through it.

He could barely see anything, his vision restricted by the small frame.
But it was enough.

He could see the blood. The people trying to run away from guards, begging and pleading only to be answered by a shot in the head. The corpses strewn out on the floor.

He felt bile rise in his throat but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the massacre.

The massacre he could have stopped.

Suddenly, Gihun could feel a hand on his shoulder and when he turned his head he saw Young-il staring at him.

He stared back, unable to look away. Seconds went by without any of them saying a word.

Only when the Shaman started talking, triumphing about their win, did he tear his eyes away to check on the rest of his team.

Daeho was talking quietly with Jun-hee, making sure she was okay. Hyun-ju was staring at the Shaman with a look so full of annoyance and fury, Gihun almost snorted.

Yong-sik had his head leaned back against the wall, his hands visibly trembling. His mother has a expression of sheer determination in her eyes and she smiled at Gihun when she noticed him checking in on her.

“We managed to succeed in round one, so we can do it again, right?
And then we will get out of here!”
Her voice wavered noticeable but her eyes showed no hesitation.

Gihun smiled back and forced himself to nod.

They could do this. They just needed to survive this game. Just one more game.

Chapter Text

The first thing Gihun saw upon stepping out of the door was blood.

It was covering the entire room, red puddles and splatters where minutes earlier a person had stood.
He absentmindedly wondered if they had died quickly. If it had been painful.

He hoped it hadn't but he knew otherwise. He had heard the screams.

The voice ordered the player to step back onto the platform and after a moment the players complied.
Gihun’s eyes wandered over his group once they had all returned to their place.
They had been lucky in the first round. 10 had been a large enough number for them to all stay together but they won't be this lucky every time.

The platform started to rotate again and the singing returned. From the corner of his eye, Gihun could see the purple haired boy dance around, interlinking his arm with his teammates and spinning in a circle.

He shook his head and looked away. They would not survive long here acting like this. Picking up fights, not concentrating on the games - those were the worst things someone could do in their current situation.

But they were not his responsibility. Instead, Gihun focused back on his own group.

The singing continued, seconds stretching endlessly long. Gihun's entire body was tensed up, ready to run, to fight.

With a jolt the platform came to a halt, leaving the players stumbling and holding onto each other for balance.

“Four”

For a second, time seemed to freeze.

Gihun stared at his group.
9.
They were nine people.
Someone would be left out. There was no way around it.

Hyun-ju, Young-mi, Geum-ja and Yong-sik had already grouped together, staring at the rest of their newly formed team, not wanting to just leave them behind.

“Go!”, Gihun screamed. They hesitated a second before Hyun-ju pulled the others forward, throwing one last glance back before disappearing in the crowd.

Now only the five of them were left.

Gihun took a step back. He would leave. Maybe he would find another group. Maybe not. But they needed to stay alive.

The words were on his tongue but before he could leave, Young-il interrupted him, declaring that he would be the one to leave.

Before Gihun could even process what had happened, Young-il had disappeared and they were running towards a door, Jung-bae in the lead.
Gihun was last and thought he knew he was wasting time, he KNEW that he should go inside - he stayed.

Eyes racing through the room, he tried to catch a glimpse of Young-il.
Was he already in one of the rooms? Was he still searching for a team?

The timer was counting down, second racing by. Still, no glimpse of Young-il.

Finally, moments before the time was out, Gihun gave up.

He slammed the door shut and seconds later the locks clicked.

Gihun immediately turned back to the window, squinting as he tried to see anything on the other side.
He could see people running, being gunned down, dying on the floor but in the dim lightning he could barely make out their shapes.

No faces. No numbers.

No way to know if Young-il had managed to get into a room in time.

It seemed to take hours till the locks finally clicked open again. Gihun had to hold himself back from storming outside the second the door opened.

His eyes raced through the room, scanning it in the desperate search for their friend.

Please, please let him be here somewhere. Please let him be alive.

“Young-il!” Jungbae shouted next to him, Daeho joining him. Gihun stayed silent, heart racing in his chest.

Not again, he couldn’t lose someone again.

Then, finally, he heard a familiar voice.

He felt his body relax as Young-il appeared between the other players, walking towards their group, smiling.

Alive. He was alive and well.

Jungbae pulled him into a hug and Gihun could see the tension disappear from Daeho and Junhee as their team was finally reunited.

Young-il turned towards Gihun and smiled. He smiled back.
“I'm glad you're alive.”

“I am a very charming person, I'm good at this game.”, Young-il joked and Gihun could feel the rest of the tension in his body disappear as he huffed a laugh.

They had all survived. His team was still complete, he still had a chance to save them all.

They walked back to the platform, still laughing and joking.
When they found Hyun-ju's group, Gihun breathed a sigh of relief.

They were all okay.

As the next round started, he looked between the players of his team, trying to figure out ways to divide them for the upcoming numbers.

Three would be perfect. Five would be doable as well, but once they got to six, there would always be people left out who were too few to form a proper group.

He just had to hope…

“Three!”

Gihun nearly yelled out loud.

This was perfect.

It only took a few moments for groups to form before they started running.

Geum-ja, and her son were staying together and Junhee quickly joined them.

Hyun-ju and Young-mi formed a group with Daeho, which left Jungbae, Young-il and Gihun together.

They were running through the room, catching barely a few glimpses of the rest of their team.
Young-il managed to secure them a room and Jungbae and Gihun followed him in, leaning against the wall, trying to catch their breath.

Jungbae groaned. “This game would have been easier a few years ago. I'm not as athletic as I once was.”

“Were you ever athletic?” Gihun joked, earning himself a chuckle from Young-il and an eye roll from Jungbae.

He smiled. Maybe it would all be okay.

Outside they were rejoined by Hyun-ju, Young-mi and Daeho. Young-mi waved as she saw them and he could see a genuine smile on her face.

Gihun was relieved to see her like this. He had watched her during the voting earlier today, and the fear and pain in her voice still made him shiver.

She was far too young to be here. She should be at home, living her life. She didn't deserve to be in this place.
On the other hand, who deserved to be here?

Geum-ja, because she wanted to help her son out of his debt? Junhee, because she was trying to give herself and her child a good life? Jungbae because he gambled too much?

No. None of them deserved this. No one here did. He would have to stop these games, once and for all.

The platform started to turn once more and Gihu looked at the number on the billboard above them.

141

Their number had already declined a lot.
How many more rounds would they be forced to play? How much longer till they were finally safe?

“Six!”

The next number was called out and once more, time seemed to slow down.

“I'm going!” Gihun declared. He was followed only moments later by Young-il‘s and then Jungbae.

That left Geum-ja, Hyun-ju, Young-mi, Daeho, Yong-sik and Junhee.
They turned around and started running while Gihun scanned the room.

Three people. They just needed three more people.

Gihun felt as if the seconds ran by faster than any other round before.

Young-il managed to find two more people but they still needed one more person, just one more -

There were only a few seconds left on the clock.
Jungbae had already secured a room but Gihun was still outside, searching for another person.

Out of a sudden, he heard a scream that seemed to float above the noise all around him.

“YOUNG-MI!”

Gihun whirled around and saw the young girl laying on the floor, the rest of the team already in their room.

He started running.

The timer read two seconds left. Behind him he could hear Jungbae and Young-il scream his name but he didn't turn around.

Not till he reached Young-mi and grabbed her arm, pulling her behind him.

He threw himself through the open door. Behind him, Young-il slammed it shut and the lock clicked.

For a moment, Gihun stayed on the ground, gasping for air. When he finally dared to look up and count the people in the room, he sacked together in relief.

There were six people.

They had done it. They had all survived.

“Are you okay?”

He turned back to Young-mi who was still laying on the ground, shaking.
She was obviously in shock, but nodded shakily at Gihun’s question. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”, she whispered. Gihun could only smile at her, heart still racing.

She was alive.
She was alive and that was all that counted.

As soon as they stepped out of the door, they were surrounded by the rest of their team.

Hyun-ju was hugging Young-mi, the younger girl shaking in her arms. From the look on Hyun-jf's face, she didn't intend on letting her go anytime soon.

When their eyes met, Gihun could see the tears running down her face.

“Thank you.”, she croaked.

He only smiled. "She saved us. We needed another person.”

When they stepped on the platform again, someone touched Gihun’s arm, stopping him.

He turned around and recognized one of the other two players with them in the room. The number on his shirt read 246.

“I wanted to thank you for saving me.” The man smiled earnestly at Gihun. “I would be dead without you.”

Gihun smiled. “There is really no need for thanks. You saved me just as much.”

“Still. Thank you. And you did good saving that girl. Not everyone would have done that.”

“Thank you.”, Gihun smiled. “What’s your name?”

“Park Gyeong-seok”

“Nice to meet you Gyeong-seok. And good luck.”

“Good luck to you as well.”

Gyeonh-seok disappeared back into the crowd and Gihun made his way towards his own group.

One more round.
Then, maybe it would all be over

Chapter Text

Gihun walked next to his team, earning himself a questioning glance from Young-il and a whispered “where were you” from Jungbae.

Gihun just shook his head. Later.

The platform started turning and Gihun stared once more at the number written above them.

126.

His eyes scanned the remaining doors.

“What number do you think will it be this time?” Jungbae asked from behind him.

Gihun opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Young-il‘s voice.

“Two.”

He looked at the other man. “There are 50 rooms. 100 players will survive, the rest will be killed.”

“Two”

The voice ahead confirmed Young-il's words and pure chaos broke out.

Gihun didn't have time to watch his team.
He saw Young-il grab Jungbae and start running. Saw Hyun-ju and Young-mi sprint towards one of the doors.

He grabbed Daeho’s arm and started running.

All around them people were screaming, pulling each other backwards, fighting for a room.

His hand was clenched around Daeho's arm, pulling the younger man alongside him, aiming for a free door.

Just a few more steps.

Just a few more…

They reached the door and threw themselves inside, slamming them close behind them.

Gihun leaned his back against it, holding It closed till - finally - the locks clicked shut.

He closed his eyes for a moment, letting his head fall against the door.

But when he heard the racked breaths coming from Daeho, he opened them again, glancing at the younger man worriedly.

“Are you alright?”

Daeho had sunken to the floor in a corner of the room, his head resting on his knees.
Gihun could hear the stuttering breaths he was obviously trying to supress.

“I'm alright.”

Daeho’s voice was shaking but when he raised his head he shot a smile at Gihun.

He smiled back, trying to reassure the younger man.

“It’s over now. This was the last round.”
At least Gihun hoped so. But the number of players had already more than halved - this had to be the last round.

Daeho nodded.

“I just want to get out of here.”

Gihun could hear the fear in his voice and his insides clenched.

“I promise I will get you out.”

He shouldn't promise things like this.
He had promised Saebyeok the same - and now she was dead. He had failed her.

But I won’t fail them.

He swore it to himself, repeating the words in his head over and over again.

He would keep these people alive, he would keep Daeho alive no matter the cost.
He would bring them back home.

Daeho nodded, before straightening and smiling. His voice was still shaking but he sounded determined when he started talking:

“We already came this far! We survived three games, we can easily do this!”

Gihun forced a grin on his own face. If Daeho could be optimistic, he could do the same.

Behind him, the lock clicked open. He extended a hand towards Daeho.
“Let’s go and get out of this place.”

The man smiled gratefully at him and let himself be pulled up, swinging an arm around Gihun's shoulder.

Gihun jokingly offended shoved him off, making Daeho laugh as they walked back into the main room.

Like Gihun had hoped, this was the last round and instead of being led back onto the platform, the players were ushered out of the room.

Gihun was relieved to leave the place behind himself, with the smell of blood and the red puddles spread all around.

Daeho was at his side and both of them were trying to find the rest of their team in the crowd.

Gihun felt the familiar knot in his stomach return when he couldn't immediately find them.

What if some of them had been too slow? What if he had already lost them and didn't even know?
What if some of the puddles of blood on the floor belonged to them?

“Over there!”

Gihun’s eyes followed Daeho’s extended hand and finally, he could see the rest of his group.

They were all there, standing together and looking around in an effort to spot Daeho and Gihun.

Gihun felt the weight lift off his heart at the sight.

They were all okay. They had all survived another game.

Daeho started to wave and shout while he and Gihun made their way through the crowd towards their friends.

When they saw them approach, Gihun could see the relief appear in their faces.

Jungbae hurried towards Gihun and pulled him into a hug which he reciprocated with a smile.

“Oh thank god you are alive!” Geum-ja was beaming at Gihun and when he looked around the group, into their smiling faces, Gihun felt a warmth rise inside him that he hadn't felt in years.

This was his group, his team.

His family ?

Chapter Text

The walk back to the sleeping hall was quiet.
The remaining players were slowly dragging themselves forward, feet shaking from exhaustion and the slowly disappearing adrenaline.

Some had blood splatters on their clothes, many were walking with tear tracks drying on their cheeks and the numbing coat of grief hanging over them.

Others were strolling ahead, looking proud and almost ecstatic to have won another game.

Gihun was walking in the back, keeping an eye on the people in front of him.

Junhee had a hand pressed over her stomach and Geum-ja was shadowing her with a worried look on her eyes, whispering things Gihun couldn't hear.
Hyun-ju was watching the two carefully, staying a few steps behind them.

Gihun let out a sigh.
He was exhausted.
The euphoria from a game won and having his entire group stay alive had disappeared and was replaced with the well known layer of grief and guilt.

He had managed to protect them - why hadn’t he protected Saebyeok? Ali?

And even now - even though his team was alive, so many more weren’t.
Over half of the players had died, so many people Gihun had once sworn himself to protect.

“Stop it.”

Gihun turned his head and looked into the face of Jungbae.
His friend frowned at him, shaking his head.

“What?”

“Stop with this look! You're beating yourself up over something again. It’s not good for you to worry so much.”

Gihun opened his mouth to protest but Jungbae elbowed him in his side.
“Hey!”, he protested, rubbing over the spot.

“No but. Stop worrying for once!”

“I'm just say-” A shove from Junbae.

“Fine.”, Gihun finally grumbled. Jungbae turned away with a smug expression on his face.
Gihun lightly pinched the other man, grinning when he jumped back and yelped. Before Jungbae could revenge himself, Gihun sped up and followed the other players.

Back in the main hall, they settled back down in their corner. Gihun was leaning with his back on the bed frame, scanning the room.

There were so many empty beds. So few players left.
The piggy bank above them was glowing in a sickening yellow light, the pile of money filling up more than half of it.

He forced his eyes away from the ceiling and looked back at his group. They had stretched out, laying in the beds or talking quietly with each other. Jungbae and Daeho were laughing about something in the back, trying to suppress their voices when Geum-ja shot them a look, her son asleep next to her.

Gihun flinched when a hand touched his shoulder. He turned around and saw Young-il lowering himself next to him. He shot him a quick smile before turning his eyes onto the room.

Gihun watched how he took in the number of players left, just like he had before.
„How do you think the next voting will turn out?”, he asked.

“I'm not sure.”, Young-il answered, furrowing his brows. “The numbers of X and O seem to be very similar - it’s going to be a close round.”

Gihun nodded, worry churning in his guts. They had played three games. So many people had died and now the remaining players had the chance to go home with the money and their life.

Last time, they had not been granted this. They hadn’t had the chance to leave and still get enough money to at least help themselves out a bit.
Maybe everything would have turned out differently.
Maybe Saebeyeok would still be alive. Maybe Sangwoo wouldn’t have died in Gihun’s arms after being forced to become a murderer.

But this hadn’t happened. The had not had the same chances as the these people had and Gihun just wished they would take it.

He glanced back to his team members.

Red batches were blinking in his direction, but among them were blue ones - too many blue ones.

He didn’t know why they had chosen to stay. He couldn’t directly blame them - he had once made the same decision and though it had turned out to be the worst mistake of his life, he could understand their reasons.

But now - after hearing everything Gihun had told them, had they changed their mind? Had it been enough to show them the true horrors of the games?
Or were some of them too hyped by their win in mingle, too sure in their own survival and would vote to stay once more?
Gihun could not risk it.

“Young-il, can you get the others? I want to tell you about the fifth game.”
He felt the man next to him stiffen. “Are you sure? We have time. You can do it after the voting.”

“No.” Gihun insisted. “It needs to be before the voting. They need - I need them to know.”
Young-il mustered him for a moment before slowly nodding and getting up.

Gihun stayed seated for another second, mentally preparing himself for everything that was to come.
The glass bridge. And then - and then …

“Gihun?” Young-il’s voice brought him back to reality and he glanced over to see his group sitting together, looking at him with varying shades of worry and expectations in their faces.

He slowly got up and sat down in the free space between Young-il and Jungbae.

“I want to tell you about the fifth game while we have time. After the voting we either manage to get out” - please, oh please “or night will come soon. I want to use the time we have if that is okay with you.”

The other nodded, though some shot him worried glances that he tried to ignore.

Gihun took a deep breath and started.
“Before - before the fifth game we were all back in this room. There were only 17 players left.”

He expected gasps of worry and fear but instead he could only see resignation, worried and sad glances downcast at the floor.

Had they already expected the many deaths after everything he had told them about?

“In the morning, the guards brought in another casket.”
He swallowed.

“One man had killed himself. He was hanging from the bed, strangled by his jacket.”

Geum-ja sucked in a breath and Gihun could see how Hyun-ju cast an arm around Young-mi, obviously still in shock at how close she had come to losing the other one earlier.

“He - he was here with his wife. They had played the marbles game together.”

“She died?” Daeho asked. Gihun nodded.

“I don't know how. I never talked with him.”

Something he had regretted the moment he had seen the lifeless corpse dangling from the bed.
He knew that he couldn't have convinced him to stay alive, not after what the other man had lost.
But maybe he would have been able to offer some sort of comfort before his death.

He shook off the thought and forced himself back to reality.

“Before the game started we were led into a white room with vests with the number from 1 to 16 printed on them. We were told that we have 5 minutes to each choose a vest. It would be our order in the next game.”

“The middle would be the best. In the front and in the back you could have a pretty big disadvantage.”, Hyun-ju mumbled.
Gihun nodded. “Most players thought like that. The middle ones were almost immediately taken. Sangwoo and Saebeyok only got numbers 14 and 15.”

“What number did you get?” Daeho asked.

“I was too slow. When I was stepping forward to choose, there were only two numbers left: 1 and 16”

“The first and the last… that’s the worst options.” Jungbae groaned.

“I chose the number one. But then - shortly before the time ran out - the other man left asked me to switch. He - he said that he wanted to be brave for once. That he wanted to go first.”
He closed his eyes..

“I let him go first. He died because of me.”

Chapter Text

The silence that followed his words was hanging in the air heavy.

“He - he died because he went first?”,Yong-sik finally asked and Gihun nodded.

“Once we got into the next room, we were standing on another platform. In front of us was a bridge made out of glass. Always two panels right next to each other.
The voice told us the rules: The bridge was made out of real and fake glass. Every player had to cross the bridge and decide which panel to step on. The right one could hold up to two people. The fake glass -” he swallowed. “it would break immediately.”

Geum-ja raised a trembling hand to her mouth, her son staring at the ground as if he would see the scene in front of him.
Next to Gihun, Jungbae let out a huff of air.
“So… if this man hadn't switched with you…”

“I would be dead.”, Gihun finished his sentence. “Going first was impossible - there were more than a dozen choices to make and you would have to choose wrong at least once.”

Young-il rested a hand on Gihun's shoulder. “I hope you are aware that the death of this man was not your fault.”, he said, voice stern and serious. “He chose to go first. It was not your doing.”

Gihun nodded, though he couldn't agree with the other man. Maybe he wasn't directly responsible - but again, he had survived because of someone else's death. Like he had done the entirety of his games.

He shook off the thought and continued. “We had 20 minutes for all players to cross the bridge. The number one had to start.”

“Wasn't the time a problem?” Young-mi asked.

Gihun nodded. “It was. Especially because everyone hesitated a long time before stepping onto the glass - you had to make a choice and if it was the wrong one you would be dead.”

He took a breath to prepare himself.
“The first player managed to step onto the real glass at first. But the next one broke and - and he died.”

He could still somewhat remember his face but the image was blurry - like it was for most of the people by now. It hurt to know that no one would remember them in their last days, that their friends and families would never know what had happened.

“There - so many people died there. I honestly can't even remember everything. Deok-soo also died in this game - the guy who threatened to kill Saebyeok in the beginning. He was killed by another woman, they died together.”

“Serves him right.”Junhee mumbled and Gihun looked at her in surprise. She blushed “I’m just telling the truth! He deserved it!”

Gihun huffed a laugh but didn't protest.

“In the end there were only four players left. Saebyeok, Sangwoo, I and one other man. He told us that he worked as a glass smith and he could tell the real tiles from the fake ones.”

Daeho grinned. “That's amazing! So all four of you made it?”

Gihun shook his head. “The frontman - he is responsible for these games, the person behind everything - must have thought that it would be too boring with someone who can see the fake tiles. He turned off the lights, just as there was only one step left.”

Geum-ja shook her head. “Who would do such a thing? What kind of person do you need to be to spend your time killing other people in such terrible games?”

Gihun frowned. “I have no idea but I will find him and I will stop these games. This can't keep continuing.”
He saw his friends nodding, anger and exhaustion in their faces.
Gihun nearly smiled. They would not vote O this time. Maybe they could leave soon.

“After the lights were turned off, the player could no longer see which tile was the right one.”, he continued.
“He tried to hear it by throwing something onto them but he was still unsure. And time was running out, we only had about 20 seconds left.”

He could feel Young-il's hand that was still resting on his shoulder tighten. Daeho leaned forward, hands fidgeting nervously with a loose string in his jacket.

Gihun cleared his throat. How should he tell them what happened next?

“Sangwoo - Sangwoo was directly behind him. He was yelling at him, telling him to choose. But he couldn't. He - Sangwoo didn't wait any longer. When the man didn't decide, he shoved him forward and he landed on the fake glass.”
Gihun closed his eyes. “He fell to his death.”

After a moment of shocked silence, the group erupted into chaos.

“Sangwoo just killed him?” Daeho exclaimed, anger and confusion in his voice. “How could he do this?”
“But - he was your friend, why would he ever do this?” Geum-ja asked in dismay.

Gihun felt torn apart. He had been so angry with Sangwoo, he still was - but now he felt the overwhelming need to defend him.

He had never forgiven his friend for this and he most certainly had never forgiven him for killing Saebyeok. He would never be able to forgive him.

But Sangwoo had sacrificed himself for Gihun. He had died so he could win and with the amount of grief Gihun felt whenever he thought of him, it was hard to stay angry.

His anger was directed at the people behind all this, at the frontman and all his helpers. Not at Sangwoo, who had been forced to do terrible things to stay alive.

“He was trying to stay alive. Because of him, I am alive now.” His voice rang through the mess of voices and discussions around him.

“We only had a few seconds left. We were running over the last few tiles and I barely made it onto the other platform in time.”
He sucked in a breath.
“Then the bridge exploded. Glass was falling down everywhere, we were trying to shield ourselves but it was no use.”

“Did any of you get seriously hurt?”Junhee asked and Gihun felt sick.

Yes. Yes, Saebeyeok had gotten seriously hurt, she had died because of this wound.
But he had not known this at that time.

“I was fine and as far as I could see the others were as well.”

“Wait, were only you three left?” Jungbae asked, staring at Gihun.
He nodded. “We were the only ones still alive. The three finalists.”

Chapter Text

„This is so unfair.“, Daeho exclaimed suddenly.
„We got the option to leave with our share of the money, why didn’t you? You could‘ve just left together! “

Gihun sucked in a breath, trying to keep his voice steady.
„I don’t know. I don’t understand what the frontman is trying to achieve, but “ - he swallowed - “I think about this every day and I wish nothing more than that we could’ve left together. Maybe it’s just a way to torture me - to show me what could have happened.”

He looked down at his hands, desperately trying to keep the image of Saebeyok’s and Sangwoo’s dead bodies out of his mind. He could see his hands shaking and pressed his eyes closed, concentrating on every breath. He could not have another panic attack now. Not again after every-

“Congratulations to all players for surviving the third game. Please gather in the front for the next voting process.”

The voice of the square guard tore Gihun out of his thoughts, and he managed to shove the image of his dead friends away to the back of his mind once more.

“Let's go.”, he said, voice still shaking. He deliberately ignored the looks thrown in his direction when he made his way towards the middle of the room, the others quietly following behind.

Before they could reach the other players, Gihun turned around once more.

“I don't know why you chose to stay.” He nodded at Hyun-ju, at Jungbae and Yong-sik. “But I am begging you to change your mind. I have enough money and I will give you enough to cover any debts you have. But please vote for us to finally leave this place behind.”

Jungbae nodded profusely. “I want to get rid of this as soon as possible!” He looked at his blue patch like it was a sort of disease.
Yong-sik joined him, talking about how much he already regretted his decision.

He glanced at Hyunju. She answered his look with a steady face. “I want this to end as soon as possible, I will definitely vote to get out. Don't worry.”

Gihun nodded, feeling his shoulders relax. He had managed to convince them.

A hand touched his arm and Gihun turned to Young-il. He motioned him to continue walking but his hand stayed on Gihun’s shoulder, warm and secure.
Once they were far enough ahead so the other players couldn’t hear them, Young-il leaned into Gihun, his breath ghosting over his ear.

“Are you alright? Your hands were shaking and I can only imagine how hard it is to talk about all this. Say something before it gets too bad, you understand?”

Gihun nodded shakily but before he could form any words, Young-il had already disappeared again, walking a few steps ahead of him.
Gihun followed, trying to convince himself that his racing heart was a mere effect of the anticipation before the voting.

“The voting will go from largest to lowest number again. Player 456, please step forward and give your vote.”

Gihun could feel the eyes of his fellow players resting on his back as he made his way towards the Podest and the two glowing buttons.
He pressed the red X, but felt no satisfaction as the number jumped to 1:0
There was so much that could go wrong.

The voting felt like it took hours and went by in seconds at the same time. He watched one player after the other step to the podium, their faces illuminated by red or blue light.
Only a few batches were changed. Most people had made up their mind and would stay with their decision no matter what.

Gihun watched with growing pride and thankfulness how one after the other, his team voted X, Jungbae ripping off his old badge with such fury like it had attacked him personally.

They grouped around Gihun, standing together while they watched the numbers on the billboard change again and again.
When Yong-sik ripped off his blue badge and waved the red one around in the air, the count was standing at 47:48 with the blue team in the win.

The next vote evened out both player counts and Gihun formed his hand so tightly into fists that he could feel his nails tear through his skin.
Another vote for red. They were in the lead.

Next to him he could hear Geum-ja mumble something like a prayer under her breath, her son’s hand gripped into her own.

A vote for the O’s.

Then another one.

Gihun let his head fall back, staring at the ceiling and the money hanging above them.
A wave of disappointment and fear was wandering through the red group while the blue group was cheering, excited for another chance.

He looked at the last player to cast his vote and found Young-il already looking at him.
When his number was called, he nodded at Gihun and made his way forward, walking towards the podium.

Gihun felt a sense of Deja-vu when he had last watched the man with the number one step onto the platform, everything depending on his vote.
But this time he was not scared of him dooming them to stay again. Now he knew Young-il. He trusted him.

When the red light illuminated his face and the numbers jumped to 50/50, Gihun let out a sigh of relief.
Young-il turned back, smiling and raising his thumb before making his way towards them.

The players stared at the guard expectantly, waiting for what this result would mean.

“Since the voting did not come to a clear result we will repeat the process tomorrow. I advise you to go to sleep and think about your decision again.”, the guard announced before they walked away, leaving the players alone once more.

Dinner was served shortly after. The moment Gihun folded back the wrapping, he felt cold dread wash over him.

In the package lay a fork. A metal fork with very long, very sharp spikes.
Gihun carefully looked around and saw the other players stare at the shining metal.

The pit in his stomach grew.

He turned around, motioning his group to come closer.

“There will be an attack tonight.” He gestured to the fork.
“They didn't give us those without a reason. Both teams, but especially the circle ones will try to kill people from the other team tonight. They want to win the vote and for that they need to be more people than we are.”

Junhee closed her eyes and Gihun Saw how Geum-ja grabbed one of her hands and pressed it.

“But we will survive, won't we?”, she asked, voice shaking slightly. “We are a big group and you already survived once so we will all be alright!”

Gihun sighed, feeling the guilt and pressure on his shoulders.
They were still trusting him. Why were they still trusting him?

“I need to tell you about the end of my games.”, he said instead of answering.
He felt the energy shift and the curious eyes of his friends falling onto him.

He took a breath and swallowed. He could do this.

“I need to tell you about Saebyeok and Sangwoo's deaths.”

Chapter Text

“Are you sure?” Hyun-ju asked, her eyes mustering him with a concerned look. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I'm sure.” Gihun insisted, though they both knew it was a lie.
But this was necessary and he would do it. He would do anything to keep these people safe.

“We, the three finalists, came back into the room. It was completely empty. No bunk beds, no sign that there had been over 400 people living here. Just three beds, one in every corner of the room.”

He absentmindedly turned the fork between his fingers.
“The guards came to greet us to our win. They told us they had prepared a gift for us for coming this far.”
He scoffed. “It was a suit. They brought us suits to play and die in dignity.”

“So you had to keep wearing them for the last game?” Yong-sik asked. Gihun nodded.
“I can only guess why they chose to do this. To make the finale feel more special?”

He shook his head. “I don't really know. We all changed and were then led away for our second gift: A final dinner.”

“They served you food?” Daeho asked, mouth agape.

Gihun nodded grimly. “I think this was another way to torture us. Letting us eat before we would ultimately walk away to die.”
He sighed.
“After the food was finished, only one thing was left on our table: a single knife.”

“They wanted you to kill each other?” Junhee asked, looking at the fork laying in front of her.
Gihun swallowed and nodded, trying to keep the image of Saebeyok’s slashed throat out of his mind.

“But - but you all were one team. So you would work together, right?” Young-mi asked and Gihun’s heart broke.
He couldn't find it in himself to answer so he just continued, hoping to get this over as fast as possible.

“I stopped trusting Sangwoo during the last game." He admitted. “I was so hurt and betrayed when he just killed the other man and I didn't know whether I could still trust him.
I went to Saebyeok instead.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to keep the tears away.
“I walked over to her bed and I offered for us to be a team. We talked and she - she told me about her little brother. I told her about Ga-yeong - my daughter.” He choked down a sob, trying to collect himself and continue.
“We promised each other to look after our loved ones if one of us got out.”

He took a deep breath, staring straight ahead so he didn't have to look at anyone else.
“I promised her that she would survive. I - I wanted to kill Sangwoo. I wanted to kill him so us two could leave together.
She - Saebyeok, she stopped me. She said I wasn't this kind of person.”

A tear ran down his cheek but Gihun barely noticed it.

“I tried to go to him and kill him in his sleep. But I stopped. I - I couldn't do it. I turned around and when I looked back at Saebyeok, she had sunken together and was laying on the bed. She hadn't looked healthy before but - but now she looked almost dead.” His voice had turned to a whisper.

“I ran back to her and I could see blood. Her - her entire stomach had been ripped open by one of the glass shards in the former game.”
He muffled another sob behind his hand.

“She had been hurt the entire time. She was dying and I did not notice.” Something wet was dropping onto his hands but he kept his eyes pressed close.

“She told me that she - that she wanted to go home. I couldn't - I ran to the door and I begged the guards to come and to help her. I was screaming and then the door finally opened but - but they weren't bringing medical devices. They - they were carrying a coffin.”

Gihun’s voice broke and he only half-mindedly felt a hand at his back, rubbing circles into it.

“I turned around and - and I saw Sangwoo standing over her bed. He - he was holding his knife and there was so much blood. Saebyeok, she - she was dead. He cut her throat open.”

He pressed a hand against his eyes, feeling the tears running down his face.

“I remember running. I was so angry and I wanted to attack Sangwoo, I wanted to kill him but a guard knocked me to the ground before I could reach him.
I - they carried her into the coffin. That was the last thing I saw before I went unconscious.”

He sobbed.
“I - I couldn't save her. I promised I would save her and I failed.”

He pressed his eyes closed, tears running down his face as memories raced through his head.
He felt as though he would choke from the feeling of guilt.

Why? Why hadn’t he noticed earlier that she was hurt, why hadn’t he stayed with her, why hadn’t he protected her when the bridge exploded?

She was so young. She was so young and she deserved to live so badly.

He didn't know how long he had sat there, tears streaming down his face, his body wrecked by sobs.

At one point his awareness of what was happening around him returned. He could hear people whispering. He could feel eyes stare at him in concern and could feel a hand still rubbing his back.

When he finally straightened himself, he was met with eyes full of concern and pain.
A tear was running down Geum-ja's face.

He turned to the side and was met with Young-il looking at him with grief and a sort of understanding in his eyes that made him want to start crying all over again. His hand was still resting on Gihun's back, rubbing comforting circles.

Gihun cleared his throat, his voice still thick with tears when he finally found the words to speak.

“I - I need to apolo-”

“Hey! Don't apologize now!” Jungbae stared at him.
Geum-ja nodded profusely. “You do not have to apologize for showing emotions! It's important!”

Gihun swallowed, looking around his group. He could feel understanding radiate off Hyun-ju, her eyes offering comfort and sadness while she tightened her arm around Young-mi.

Daeho was looking at him with sadness and respect he did not feel he would ever be worthy of.
Junhee had scooted closer, her knee touching his own, offering a silent comfort.

He felt fresh tears well up in his eyes and blinked furiously to keep them away.

What had he ever done to deserve these people?

“Thank you.”, he croaked.

“Gihun.”

He turned towards Young-il again, finding the same sympathy in his eyes that he had found in all of the others.

“It was not your fault.”

He laughed, hoarse and broken. Of course it was his fault. Of course.

“No, look at me!” Young-il grabbed his hand forcing his eyes on him. “It was not your fault.”

He didn't react.

Another hand landed on his shoulder and Hyun-ju looked at him, eyes full of unshed tears.
“He is right. Gihun, you did not kill her. You did everything you could.”

He felt bile rise in his throat and another sob tear out of him.
“It was my fault.”

He wiped one hand furiously over his eyes.
“I - i need to tell you the rest. Please.”

Maybe, if they heard how he had let his childhood friend die in his arms, if they heard that he had killed every person who had ever meant something to him they would finally understand.

Understand what kind of person he was.

“No, you don't have to do this. You -”

“You have to hear it.”, Gihun interrupted Daeho's protest.

He took a breath, trying to collect himself enough to start talking again.

Just get it over with. Just get it out.

“We - the finale. It was Squid game.”

Geum-ja paled.

“We had to throw a coin to decide which position we got. I chose attack.”
He took a shaky breath.

“I wanted to kill him. I was so, so angry and I wanted nothing more than to make him suffer the same fate Saebyeok had.” He swallowed, tear tracks still drying on his cheek.

“I walked into the last game with the goal to kill my childhood bestfriend.”

Chapter Text

“We were led outside, to the same field where we played Red light Green light.” 

Gihun remembered the doll standing in the back of the field, watching them. He remembered the cold of the rain seeping into his clothes and the weight of the knife in his hands. 

“The guard explained the rules. They - the game could either be won if offense would cross the final line or -” he broke off. 

“Or if one of you killed the other.” Hyun-ju finished, voice hoarse. 

Gihun nodded, trying to find his voice again. 

“We used to play this game. Me and Sangwoo.” He looked back up at the ceiling, images of a happier, a more carefree time playing before his eyes. 

“We grew up together. It was one of the games we played all day long.”

He shoved the thoughts of joy and laughter away, trying to force back the tears and concentrate again.

“I had managed to pick up a handful of sand when Sangwoo wasn't looking. I don’t know how he didn't notice it - he was so much smarter than me. 

When he attacked me, I threw the sand at him to blind him and I could cross the first line.” 

Daeho had straightened, listening carefully to every word. 

Gihun hated the thought that he might need these information one day. 

“I remember how it started to rain. It was just us two and one guard alone in this open field and it started to rain.”

He sucked in a shaky breath. 

“Sangwoo he - he talked about Saebyeok. He said that he needed to kill her because - because we could’ve voted together to get out.”

The tears returned, staining his cheeks but Gihun had stopped caring a long time ago. 

“He said he couldn't go back with nothing. I attacked him. I was so angry, so terribly angry. We fought and he - we hurt each other. Both of us.”

Junhee carefully motioned to Gihun's hand. “Is this how you got your scar?”

Gihun raised his hand, the hand Sangwoo had torn a knife through almost exactly three years ago. The scar was white and had faded over the years but the pain had stayed. 

He nodded, eyes fixating on the faint lines as he continued. 

“I managed to get on top of him. I was punching him, again and again and I screamed at him. I - I told him it was all his fault. That he had killed Saebyeok, that he had killed everyone - that everything was his fault.

How wrong had he been? How selfish, to put the blame on Sangwoo when he himself had been no better than his former friend. 

“I still had the knife. I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to die in the same gruesome way as Saebyeok had.”

He pressed a hand against his face, muffling a sob. 

“I couldn't. I tried to stab him, to finally kill him but I couldn't.

I - I stood up to cross the finish line. I thought - maybe if I wasn't the one to kill him I could bear it.”

He spit out a broken laugh. “I was so angry and so full of hatred and grief but when I stood at the line I still couldn't kill him.” 

Another sob shook his body and he instinctively curled together, pulling his knees up to his body. 

“I wanted to save him,I tried!

I tried to save him! I told the guards to stop the game. I was hoping - if we were in the majority we could stop the game and go home!”

He remembered Sangwoo’s face, bloody, smeared with mud and tears. He remembered the look in his eyes when he had offered him a way out, a way home. He remembered the longing in them, this desperate wish to survive.

“I begged him.” Tears were streaming freely over his face and he curled together even tighter. 

“I begged him to leave with me, to go home together. He - he almost took my hand. I thought, I thought I had done it. That I had managed to save him.

But - “ Another sob tore out of him. “But at the last second he reached for the knife instead. Sangwoo, he - he killed himself and I could do nothing but watch.”

He felt hands on his back and shoulder, comforting him but he didn't care enough to even raise his head. 

“He - he apologized. He apologized to me before he killed himself.” 

Tears were dropping on his hands and he wanted to scream, to cry out his anguish and pain like he had done in this empty field, Sangwoo's corpse in his arms. 

“I can't even hate him.”, he whispered. “I should hate him and I did but when he died - I couldn't hate him anymore.”

He didn't tell them about the following weeks. 

How often he had found himself alone outside at night, wandering through the streets where they had played as children or sitting at their secret meeting spots after school. 

How he had cried. How he had screamed into the night, cursing Sangwoo, blaming him for killing Saebyeok, for killing himself and leaving Gihun alone. 

How he had blamed Sangwoo for everything so just for a moment, he could ease the guilt on his shoulders only for it to crash back down harder than ever before. 

Instead, he wiped a hand over his eyes, trying to no avail to wipe some of his tears away. 

“They announced me the winner afterwards. I - I had done nothing to deserve it. I am no winner.” 

He looked up, seeing his friends’ shapes, blurred through the veil of tears. 

“I won because again and again, other people died instead of me, died for me. I did not deserve the price and I don't deserve to be alive now.”

He could feel the people around him wanting to argue but before anyone could say something, he held up his hand. 

“I - can I just get a minute, please?”

Before anyone could answer, he was on his feet, hurrying towards the bathroom as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself by the other players. 

He heard noise coming out of the bathrooms so instead of going in, he made a sharp turn and walked into one of the other hallways leading away from it. 

He walked till he was sure no one could see him before letting himself sink to the ground.

He leaned his head back and let his tears stream freely down his face. 

He had once thought that grief would shrink with time but he had long realized that was a lie.

It hurt. The memories, the pain, the guilt. It still hurt, just as badly as it had hurt back then. 

It was just not fair. It was not fair that Saebyeok had died, leaving behind a little brother who would never know why she had left him.

It was not fair that Sangwoo had been turned into a murderer, that he had been forced to kill for a chance to get back to his mother only to then die himself. 

It was not fair that Ali's family would forever be left wondering where he had gone and what had happened to him with not even a body left to mourn. 

And it was not fair that he had been the one to stay alive, the one who had received money and a title he would give anything to have taken away from him.

He felt his hands close into fists and made a silent promise to himself

He would make them pay. He would make the person, the monster behind this, pay for everything they had done. Even if it cost his own life. 

Chapter Text

“Gihun?”
He looked up to see Junhee standing in front of him, her hands nervously fidgeting with the hem of her jacket.

He wiped a hand over his eyes and motioned her to sit down.
She crouched down next to him, pulling her feet up to her body, and resting her head on her knees.

For a few moments they just sat there, tear tracks still drying on Gihun's face.

Junhee was the first to break the silence.
“What was she like?”, she asked in a quiet voice. “Saebyeok, I mean.”
Gihun closed his eyes. How should he ever begin to describe her?

“She was… brave. She was all alone, caring for her brother and trying to find her mother who was stuck in North Korea. She joined the games to make enough money to bring her over the border.
She - she was not scared of Deok-soo or anyone else. Or maybe she was but she did not show it.”
He smiled sadly.

“Saebyeok - she was also kind. For tug of war she picked a girl who was sitting in a corner all alone and convinced her to join our team. And during the glass bridge, she helped me survive.” He huffed out a laugh.
“I had forgotten which tile was the fake one and which one I could jump on. She was in front of me and she helped me. I don't think many other people would have done this.”
He sighed and looked over at Junhee who was carefully listening to every word he said.

“Sometimes you remind me of her." He admitted.
Junhee smiled and they fell back into silence.

Once again, it was her who broke the silence after a few minutes.

“I am glad you won.”

He turned his head, not sure whether he had understood her correctly. She answered his eyes without hesitation.

“Without you, I would be dead. I would have been killed in the first game and even if I had somehow survived, I would have died in the second one or during mingle. You saved me and you saved my baby.”
Gihun shook his head. “No. You would have had the others. They would have helped you.”

Junhee smiled sadly. “Gihun. You made this group. Do you really think we would have become a team without you?”
He wanted to protest but stopped himself when he saw the earnest look in her eyes.

Was she telling the truth? Everything in him wanted to protest. Of course the others would have been alright without him. Everyone was.

She continued. “You are friends with Jungbae. Daeho and Young-il joined you because of you.” Because he was the former winner, he silently added, the thought leaving a foul taste.
“And the others - we really only formed a team after you started to tell us about your past. You formed this group, Gihun.”

She smiled at him, tears standing in her eyes.

“I know you wish that you had died but you are doing good by being alive.”

He didn't know how to respond so he just stayed silent while Junhee continued talking.
“I was all alone before the games. I - I was hoping that the baby would be my family.” A single tear rolled down her cheek.
“I had no one and now I have people who care for me and who look out for me. Because of you.”

Gihun looked at her and felt his heart break at the look in her eyes. “I am glad.”, he croaked.

“Please - please just remember that it’s important for you to stay alive.” Junhee wiped a hand over her face and pulled herself up.
Gihun watched as she walked away, back towards the sleeping hall.

He let himself sink back against the wall, Junhee's words still playing in his head.
It had been a… very long time since he had last felt like he was doing anything good. The last time he felt useful, important.

Hearing her words - they felt wrong. The feeling of guilt and grief was still too painful to even consider that she was telling the truth.
Gihun shook his head to try and stop himself from thinking about it anymore.

He knew he needed to go back to the others soon, face their concern, their comfort and questions. He sighed. He didn’t know if he would ever be ready to face them.
This had been the first time he had ever talked about his games in this length. Even Jun-ho or the men he had hired to look for the recruiter had only gotten a short summary.
Never more. Never personal.
He felt like he had been stripped bare, all his feelings out in the open. He didn’t know how he should feel about it.

Finally, Gihun pushed himself upright with a groan, wiping away some of the last tears.
Just as he was about to walk back to the sleeping hall, he found himself face to face with another person.

“Hello Gihun.”
“Young-il” Gihun greeted the other man with a small smile. “Are all of you coming one by one to check if I'm still alive?”

Young-Il chuckled. “Sort of. I wanted to make sure you are okay.” His dark eyes mustered Gihun worriedly. “It seemed like talking took a lot out of you.”
Gihun sighed and let himself sink back onto the ground, patting the space next to him. Young-il carefully sat down, his leg brushing Gihun’s.

For a moment they sat in silence till Gihun started to talk.

“I have never told anyone about my games before. It wasn’t even to forget about them - I just couldn't.”
Young-il nodded. “I - I can understand why.” He was silent for a few moments. “But you survived. You got to go home to your mother and daughter.”
Gihun choked out a laugh. “I was too late.” Again, those damn tears were collecting in his eyes, and he tried to blink them away to no avail.
“When I got home, my mother was dead. She - I found her on the floor in the bedroom.” He choked down a sob.

“I don't even know when she died. I left her alone. I couldn’t help her, and everything was for nothing.” He let his head fall back against the wall.
“All the pain, every single death was useless in the end.”

Young-il stared at him silently for a moment. Gihun could see grief and pity in his eyes and another emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
Finally, he put a hand on Gihun's arm. “I am sorry for your loss.” He mumbled, fingers once again tracing patterns over Gihun's skin.
He smiled at Young-il, shakily. “Thank you.”

Once again, silence returned. Gihun felt himself slightly relaxing. Young-il carried a calmness with him that always seemed to ease the mess in Gihun’s mind, if only for a bit.

“Why did you return, Gihun?” Young-il finally asked. “Just for revenge?”

Gihun hesitated. A part of him wanted to say yes. Of course he wanted to avenge his friends, to make the person responsible pay for everything they had done. Let them feel the same pain his friends had felt.
But… “There is more to it.” Gihun admitted. He took a breath.

“One year after I had won the game I got another card. I - I was in a very bad place. I was depressed, drinking all day long and I saw no use in staying alive for any longer.”

He felt Young-il scoot closer, the feeling of his body pressed up against Gihun’s offering a comforting warmth.

“It was night. I was sitting next to a river, probably drinking again. They delivered me the card with flowers. Flowers!” Gihun shook his head.
“I wanted to throw it away the second I saw the symbols. I didn’t want anything else from them. I hadn't even touched the money.” He let out a tired laugh. “I don’t know why I opened it but there was an address written in it. I - I can’t remember how I even got there but it was a penthouse - I don’t think I have ever been in a building this expensive.
I walked into the flat that was written on the card and there was just a single bed in there, standing next to the window. I - there was a man laying in the bed. Young-il, you have to believe me - it was Il-nam, the old man from the games.” Gihun didn’t turn his head. He didn’t want to see Young-il’s face.

“I was almost numb at this point. I tried to get him to answer me - who he was, why he was still alive, what had happened. Instead, he told me to play a game.
He showed me a homeless man laying outside in the street. He would be dead soon if no one helped him. Il-nam told me, if no one came to help him he would have won. If not, I won.
I - I didn’t understand what was going on so I just complied.
He - god, Young-il, he told me he was the creator of the games. That he had been bored because he had too much money and didn’t know what to do with it. So he created the games to have some fun.”

Finally, Gihun looked at Young-il, tears blurring his view. “Everything we are going through, all the people that got killed - it was all just for fun.
I asked him why he had joined the games and he said again that he wanted to have fun! He - he believed that everyone here deserves this. That humans are inherently evil. That’s why he played the game with me: he wanted to show me that no one would help a dying man in the streets. That no one cared.”

Gihun sucked in a shaky breath. “But I won. Someone came by and they helped the man. But when I turned around, the old man was dead.”
Young-il continued to rub small circles on his arm and Gihun let out a sigh.
“That’s why I need to stop the games. Because they will never stop, they will always continue. More people will suffer, more people will die and for what? The fun of some rich men? They don’t even see us as humans!”
He clenched his hands into fists.

“I - I talked with the frontman. He was in the car after I had won, and I asked him why he was doing this. Why he was letting all these innocent people die.
He told me that we were horses to him. He was betting on us, letting us die for his own entertainment!” He let out a helpless laugh.
“They don’t care about us, they never will! They will just continue to kill and if I don’t stop them - I don’t know who else will.”

Gihun let his head fall onto his knees, burrowing his face in his hands. It felt like the weight of his responsibility was pressing down on him, burrowing him beneath it.
How was he ever supposed to stop this horror?

“I’m not sure if I can do it.” He confessed, voice muffled by his hands. “I’m not strong enough to change anything and - I'm scared. I’m scared I won’t be able to protect anyone. I’m scared I will fail. Again.”

Young-il did not answer.
Instead, Gihun felt himself getting pulled forwards till his face was buried in Young-il’s neck and his arms were securely wrapped around his body.
For a moment he froze. Then his body relaxed and he melted into Young-il’s embrace.
His own arms wrapped themselves around the other player, his finger gripping Young-il’s tracksuit as if he might disappear any second.

Young-il’s arms provided a comforting warmth and when Gihun closed his eyes he felt cared for and safe like he hadn’t felt in years.

He felt fresh tears rise up in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried this much but it almost felt good. Cleansing.

He sobbed, the sound muffled in the fabric of Young-il’s track suit and when the other man started to carefully run his fingers through Gihun’s hair, he finally allowed himself to break down.
His tears fell freely as he let out all the pain, the grief and guilt he had kept buried for over three years. Young-il was mumbling comforting words and he pulled Gihun even closer till he could no longer tell where one began and the other ended.
Gihun didn’t know how long they stayed like this.
At one point his sobbing ebbed down and his tears stopped but still, Young-il held him. Gihun didn’t even dream of telling him to stop.

When Young-il finally loosened his grip, Gihun had to force himself to let go. The air in the corridor felt unbearably cold without Young-il pressed against him and he shivered.

But all complaints on his lips died down when Young-il slowly brought up a hand to his face and cupped Gihun's cheek. His dark eyes carefully studied him and Gihun felt his heart race. It felt like Young-il could see every part of him, understand him down into his soul.

Young-il’s eyes shone with tears of his own and a strange mixture of grief, wonder and … regret?
His thumb traced over Gihun’s cheek bone and he could feel his breath catch in his throat.

“You won’t fail.” Young-il mumbled, his voice hoarse. “I promise you will get out of here. You deserve it.”

Gihun swallowed. “So do you.” He answered, blood rushing in his ears.

Young-il closed his eyes, the regret now written over his whole face. He let his hand fall away from Gihun’s face and he immediately missed the touch.

His words were slow as he started to speak, as if saying them physically hurt him.
“Gihun, I - I am not a good person. I have done bad things, things I don’t think you could forgive me for.”

Gihun frowned, eyes racing over Young-il’s face.
“Don’t talk like this!”, he protested. “You think you are the only one to make mistakes? Everyone here has things they regret. It doesn’t change that you deserve to get out of here, just like everyone else!”

The other man didn’t look at him, staring down at the floor. Gihun lifted his chin, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

“You are not a bad person, Young-il. I won’t believe that.”

The other man blinked, tears standing in his eyes. He opened his mouth to respond but a painful expression wandered over his face, and he closed it again.
Gihun felt his heart shatter at the grief and guilt written in his eyes. He didn’t know what Young-il had done but he knew he never wanted to see this look on his face again.

Without allowing himself to overthink his actions, he let his hand wander up to cup the other man’s face. Young-il instinctively leaned into it and Gihun felt something inside him melt at the sight.
“You are a good person.”, he mumbled again and as Young-il opened his mouth to protest, Gihun leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss.

For a second, neither of them moved. Gihun felt his heart race, cold regret washing over his body. Oh god. Had he just ruined everything?

But then Young-il let out a sigh and he deepened the kiss. His hand wandered up till it rested in Gihun’s neck, pulling him down, closer and closer.

Young-il’s lips tasted like salt. The kiss was slow and so gentle that Gihun felt the hairs on his arms stand up at the sensation. Fingers were combing through his hair, and he brought up his second hand to cradle Young-il’s face in between.

When they finally separated from each other, foreheads rested together and their breaths mingling between them, Gihun could see a tear run down Young-il’s cheek. He used his thumb to wipe it away and saw the other man smile.
“I will find you.” Gihun promised, voice merely above a whisper. “Once we get out of here, I promise I will find you again.”

Young-il stayed silent but he pressed a kiss to Gihun’s hand still resting on his cheek and that was answer enough.

Chapter Text

Gihun and Young-il stayed seated in the corridor for another few minutes. Neither wanted to break the moment, to leave their protected space and be forced to confront reality again. 

Finally, Gihun pushed himself to his feet, extending a hand towards Young-il. The other man groaned but let himself be pulled up, pressing his hand before letting go and walking the hallway along. 

Gihun blushed before shaking his head and hurrying after him.  

They walked back to the room in silence, both deep in their own thoughts. 

Suddenly, the quiet was broken by the metallic voice of an announcement. 

“Player 230 - eliminated. Player 305 - eliminated. Player…”

Gihun stared at Young-il, seeing his own horror reflected in the other man’s eyes. 

Without a word they started to run, racing down the colorful halls and stairways. 

A million thoughts were rushing through Gihun’s head, his heart beat drumming in his ears. A fight. There had been a fight and players had been killed. 

Oh god. Gihun felt like he was reliving a nightmare, racing to Saebyeok’s side, being too late, too late, too late.

What if someone had gotten hurt? What if Daeho or Jung-bae had intervened, trying to stop the fighting players? What if Junhee had been attacked, not able to defend herself because of her pregnancy? What if his friends were hurt, dying and he had left them alone? 

What if he had again failed someone relying on him? 

The way back to the sleeping hall felt endless. He was trying to listen to the announcement, scanning it for any familiar numbers, praying there would be none. 

But he could barely hear anything but the blood rushing in his ears and his footsteps thundering over the stairs. 

When Gihun finally stormed in through the door into the room he felt sick with fear. He could spot a few players with fresh blood stains on their uniforms, bandaging their injuries but Gihun did not care for them.

His eyes immediately raced towards the sleeping quarter of his group as he made his way towards them as quickly as possible, Young-il right behind him. 

He could see people now; Junhee, Geum-ja next to her, Hyun-ju on her other side. But even though each face he recognized lifted a weight off his heart, the fear did not disappear. 

“Gihun!” Geum-ja was the first to see him. “Are you alright?” 

He hurried towards her, eyes scanning her body for injuries, then Junhee’s as well. “Are you okay?”, he panted, ignoring the older woman’s question. “Where are the others? Is anyone hurt?” 

Jung-bae appeared from behind a bedframe, looking at Gihun in concern. “We’re here, don’t worry! What’bout you? What happened?” 

Daeho appeared next to Jung-bae and Gihun felt himself able to take a full breath again. His eyes scanned the area and he finally saw Young-mi and Yong-sik as well, leaning against the beds, Hyun-ju’s hand resting on the younger girl's shoulder. 

Gihun let himself fall onto a nearby bed, closing his eyes in relief. 

“What happened?” Young-il had arrived, just out of breath as Gihun was. “We heard the announcement and - “ 

“Oh!” Realization lit up in Geum-ja’s face. “Oh, no! Nono, we are all alright, don’t you worry!” 

Gihun opened his eyes again, checking all of his friends for wounds, despite Geun-ja’s words. He needed to see with his own eyes that they were all okay. 

“What happened?”, he finally asked, still slightly out of breath. 

“We are not sure.”, Hyun-ju answered, her eyes scanning the room. “We think a fight broke out in the bathrooms, some players came out covered in blood.” She nodded towards a young man with black hair and a bloody jacket wrapped around him sitting in an opposite corner of the room. 

“His friend got killed.” Daeho noted, leaning against the bedframe next to Gihun. “The crazy guy with the purple hair.” 

Gihun nodded though he could find no sympathy in himself. Judging by his behaviour the rest of the games, he had been the one to start the fight - and Gihun had enough people he needed to worry about. 

His priorities had shrunk down to protecting these people - no matter the cost. 

“It will be even worse tonight, won’t it?” Young-mi asked quietly, staring at the fork in her hands. “The attacks?” 

Gihun nodded.

Geum-ja closed her eyes in defeat and her son scooted closer to her. Junhee had one hand laid protectively over her stomach while Hyun-ju looked like she was ready to kill every single person who dared to come too close to her or Young-mi.

Next to him, Gihun could see Daeho swallow, one of his hands starting to pick on the skin around his fingernails. 

“What are we gonna do?”, Jung-bae finally asked. 

Gihun let out a breath. It was time. The Rebellion. 

He had always been aware of his final goal, of the only way to put a stop to the games for good.

But now with the opportunity right in front of his eyes he felt fear rise in his stomach. 

There was so much that could go wrong. So many people he was responsible for. 

If any of them got hurt because of his plan … 

And still. What was their alternative? Staying here and hoping that by some miracle the next vote would end in their favour? 

The risk was too big. Junhee was coming closer to her due date, even Gihun could tell that much. There was no way she would be able to survive the birth, not here in this hell on earth. 

And the child? How was an infant supposed to stay here?

No. No, they needed to get out and they needed to get out fast. 

Gihun swallowed. “I have a plan.”, he said. “I - It’s gonna be dangerous. Stupid, even. I need you all to promise me not to risk your life, okay?” He scanned his group who had scooted closer together, eyes fixated on him. 

“I - I need to stop the games. Once and for all. If I don’t succeed, this will never end and people will continue to die, again and again.” He took a breath, lowering his voice so none of the microphones hidden all over the room could pick up his words. 

“I want to do it tonight. If we are enough people we can overpower the guards and make our way towards the control room. We - I will kill the man who is behind all this. The one who is responsible for the games.” He looked at his friends, saw their worried eyes, the way they glanced at each other in fear or stared at him with a silent determination. 

“It will be dangerous but I think it will be our only way to get out. I - “ he closed his eyes feeling his heart being ripped apart as he spoke the next words. 

“I will try to protect you but I can’t guarantee your survival. Please don’t feel obligated to follow me. I - I can’t lose any of you because of my mistake.” 

For a minute they sat in silence. Then Jung-bae straightened. 

“Well, I think you are absolutely insane but that's not exactly news, is it?” He chuckled. “Of course I’m gonna come. Someone has to make sure you don’t die.” 

Gihun smiled at him but instead of thankfulness or relief he felt ice cold terror wash over him. 

This was real. He was about to lead his best friend into a death trap with nothing but mere luck to survive. He was not sure how he should ever go on if Jung-bae died. 

Hyun-ju was the next to talk. “I will help you.” Gihun shot her a smile and she reciprocated it, straightening her ponytail. 

Yong-sik opened his mouth but when his mother sent him a pleading look and rested a hand on his shoulder, he deflated. He didn’t look at Gihun, staring at the floor instead. 

Gihun did not even think about blaming him for staying. One person less he had to worry about. 

“I - I’m gonna come.” The shaky voice came from next to him and when Gihun turned his head he saw Daeho trying to put on a smile. 

“We are marines, o - of course we can do this!” 

Jung-bae nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulder but despite his grin, Gihun could see the concern behind his eyes. 

He felt no different. He didn’t think Daeho was weak, no - the opposite. But he had seen the fear in his eyes, the way he flinched at every gunshot. He remembered the nightmare, the terror written in the younger man’s face. 

Gihun didn’t know what Daeho had gone through but he knew it had been bad. 

But as the younger player looked at Gihun, he could see the silent plea in his eyes. He closed his mouth again and vowed to talk to Daeho again. Later, in private. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Young-il who rested a hand on Gihun’s shoulder. 

Without him even having to say it, Gihun knew that he would follow him. He felt sick. 

His eyes wandered over everyone who had decided to help him and he couldn’t help but imagine their lifeless bodies in front of him. 

Was he leading them all to their death? 

Chapter Text

They did not talk about the plan. Not yet, not with so many eyes and ears on them. Instead, Gihun told everyone to spread out, to rest and make sure they were prepared. The group scattered, talking to each other quietly.

He himself had another goal. He needed to talk to Daeho. 

Gihun found the younger man sitting alone behind the beds, his back against the wall and his knees drawn up to his body. He carefully lowered himself next to him, mirroring the other’s posture. 

For a few minutes they just sat in silence. Daeho stared ahead, eyes fixated on a point on the opposite side of the room. 

Finally, Gihun broke the silence.

He sighed. “I don’t want you to feel like I'm interrogating you, Daeho. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I need you to know that you can, okay? I will listen.” 

Another minute passed in silence. 

“I also need to know whether you are ready for tonight.” Gihun said, even though he hated every word. He didn’t want to pressure Daeho. The boy had obviously been through something terrible and judging by the fact that he had been a marine once, Gihun could only begin to imagine what it was. He did not want Daeho to feel obligated to share his trauma with him. 

And yet. He could not risk bringing Daeho into a fight when he wasn’t ready for it. When there was a chance he might shut down and get hurt. Gihun would never forgive himself for it. 

Next to him Daeho had visibly tensed at his words. Still it took a few more minutes of silence till he finally started to speak. 

“I lied.” His voice was hoarse and as Gihun turned to look at him, his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.

“I was never in the marines. I - I lied to you all. I’m sorry.” He continued to stare into the air and it was not hard to guess that he was scared of Gihun’s reaction. 

“What happened?”, Gihun asked, careful to keep his voice calm. He could not risk Daeho thinking he was angry at him or the younger man would immediately shut down. 

“I …” Daeho closed his eyes. 

“I have four older sisters. When my parents finally got a boy, my father was so happy. He - he always told me I would be the pride of the family. That I would be able to protect them. He wanted me to be strong, he wanted me to be a real man.” Daeho spit out the last word.

“But I - I was never enough for him. I wasn’t strong. I cried when I hurt myself as a child; I was the best at Ggongi and I was never good enough at the sports he picked for me. He was disappointed. He - “ Daeho swallowed, blinking rapidly.

“I was six when he hit me the first time. I - I had broken one of my favourite toys and I was crying. He - he was screaming at me, telling me to man up. When I didn’t stop, he - “ 

Daeho didn’t continue his sentence but he did not need to. 

Gihun felt sick. 

“It didn’t stop afterwards.” Daeho continued, voice shaking. “Whenever I cried, when I was slower than my sisters in a race, when I lost at one of his games. I - I was the only one. He screamed at my sisters, at my mother as well but he never touched them.” A tear rolled down his cheek and Daeho angrily wiped them away. “I never understood what I had done that made him hate me so much.” 

Gihun could no longer just sit and listen. He carefully lifted his hand, making sure Daeho was aware of every single movement. When the younger man didn’t react, he slowly lowered it on his shoulders, starting to rub comforting circles into the skin. 

Daeho finally looked at him, a wobbly smile on his face. 

“Over the years I - I became paranoid.”, he continued, voice shaking. “I would be in constant fear around him, I would flinch at loud noises and I started to have panic attacks and nightmares.” Daeho closed his eyes, shame written over his face. 

“I could tell no one about it. My - my parents got divorced when I was ten. He - my dad got custody over me.” Gihun felt an ice cold hand grab his heart.

“I don’t even know why!” Daeho continued, a broken laugh spilling over his lips. “He always told me he would rather have anyone else as a son than me. My mother tried to get custody, she really did, but the judge was a sexiest asshole and he said that a son needed to be raised by his father.” He brought up a hand to wipe away another tear. 

“It - it got so much worse afterwards. My mom and sisters had always protected me but then I was alone and he - he could do what he wanted.” 

Gihun felt his hand ball into a fist. He felt the need to punch something. Preferably the asshole that called himself Daeho’s father. 

“As soon as I turned 18 he forced me to enlist into military service. At - at first I was even relieved! I thought that it would give me a chance to get away from home and maybe, if I did good enough - maybe I could make him proud.” 

Gihun wanted to scream. 

“B - but they made tests. And they told me -” he swallowed. “They told me I could not enlist because of my mental health. That I had signs of PTSD and that I needed to do second citizen service instead.” Daeho started to pick at his nails again, evading Gihun’s eyes. 

“I couldn’t tell my father. If he found out I was too weak to join service … I really think he would have killed me.” He whispered and Gihun’s heart broke. 

“I decided not to tell him. I did my service and I stayed away from home, lying to him every time he asked how training was going.” He let out a broken sob.

“I told him I was learning to become a Marine. It just slipped out but - for the first time ever he was proud of me. I - I couldn’t tell him the truth. And when I had to return I knew I needed to prove somehow that I was really a Marine. I - I went to a tattoo shop and I asked them to copy the original design.” 

Finally, Daeho turned and looked at Gihun. His eyes were wet with tears and there was such a deep look of shame and fear in his face, Gihun felt like his heart was torn apart. 

“I never wanted to lie to you, I promise!” Daeho’s voice was frantic and his eyes stared at Gihun, pleading for forgiveness. 

 “But when Jung-bae looked at my tattoo and accepted me into your group, I - I couldn’t tell you that it was fake. I wanted to be in your team, I knew that maybe” - he sobbed - “Maybe if I was staying with you even I had a chance to survive. I should have told you. Gihun, I am so sorry.” 

Gihun couldn’t take it any longer. He carefully wrapped one arm around the younger man's torso, pulled him forward and enveloped him into a hug. 

Daeho trembled in his arms, broken sobs wracking his body as tears dampened Gihun’s uniform. 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Gihun mumbled, running one hand over Daeho’s head. “You did nothing wrong. You don’t have to apologize.” 

The younger player had his fingers clenched around Gihun’s uniform, hands trembling. Gihun pressed him closer to himself, feeling his heart break all over again. 

Sometimes Daeho reminded him of his younger self - a happier, more optimistic version of himself. He had only hoped that other than himself, Daeho had not yet gotten to know the worst of humanity. 

Maybe Gihun had been foolish to hope. No one here had ever been granted even a chance at happiness. 

Chapter Text

After a few minutes, Daeho’s body stopped shaking. Gihun continued to hold him, knowing how desperately he needed it.

Finally, he looked up at Gihun, tears drying on his cheek.“I don’t think I can join you tonight. I’m sorry.”
Gihun carefully stroked a hand over his hair. “That’s no problem, thank you for telling me.” Remembering their conversation last night he added: “You don’t have to be ashamed, okay?”

The younger man loosened himself out of his arms, carefully avoiding his eyes.
“Daeho.” Gihun repeated. “There is nothing wrong with you. There is no reason for you to feel any shame. I am proud of you for telling me this.”

Daeho nodded, though his eyes were still directed at the floor. “Thank you.” He mumbled. “I - I don’t want to be rude but is it okay if I’m alone for a bit?”
Gihun nodded and pulled himself up. “Of course. If you need anything I will be right there.” Daeho shot him a tired smile and Gihun turned around, leaving him sitting alone.

He slowly made his way back to his bed, letting himself sink onto the mattress. He closed his eyes and a sigh escaped his lips. This day really felt like it would never end.

Daeho’s words were running through his head, the confessions of the younger man making him feel sick to his core.
How could any father do something like this to his own child?

His mind immediately wandered off to Ga-yeong, the image of his little girl and her big joyous smile making his heart clench painfully.
Never in a million years could he imagine treating her like this.

“Gihun?”

He opened his eyes to find Young-il sitting next to him. He sat up and looked at him questioning, feeling the other man shift so their arms were touching.
“What are you thinking about?” Young-il asked, his dark eyes studying Gihun with concern.

He sighed. “My daughter.”
Young-il tensed at his words, the look in his eyes far away. Was he thinking about his own family?
Gihun knew that his wife had died but otherwise he knew almost nothing about the other man.

“What is her name?” Young-il finally asked. Gihun smiled. “Ga-yeong. She turned 14 this year.”
Young-il smiled. “Must have been a pretty big party.”

Gihun looked at his hands. “I wouldn't know. I haven’t seen her in years.”
He avoided Young-il's eyes, staring instead at his hands. The torn off skin at his nail beds, his bitten down nails…
Suddenly a third hand appeared in his view, fingers slender and a single silver ring around his thumb.

Young-il carefully interlocked their hands and Gihun felt his nerves calm down. It was almost scary how strong of an effect Young-il had on him.

“Why?” The other man asked, his thumb rubbing circles into Gihun’s skin.

“I - I couldn't bear it. After the games. She lives with her mother in the US. I thought about going after them with the money I had won. But - but I couldn't. I had already ruined so many lives… I couldn't risk ruining hers as well.”

Gihun sighed. “I still can't imagine myself doing anything different but - I don't think I have ever regretted something as much as not contacting her when I had the chance. Now -” he swallowed “now I might never get a chance to.”

Young-il tensed up and his grip on Gihun's hand grew tighter. “Don’t say this. You will get out of here and you will see her again.”

Gihun let out a tired laugh. “Young-il, we both know the odds. Don't act as if it wasn't a wonder I ever came this far.”

Even surviving the games once was almost impossible. But twice…

Maybe his rebellion would work. Maybe he could really stop the games. But even so… he knew if it came to protecting the other players he would do whatever was necessary. Even if it meant he would never get to see his daughter again.

Gihun rubbed a hand over his eyes.
“I just wish there was someone to let her know of my death. I - I don’t want her to live her life thinking I abandoned her.”

Young-il nodded silently. His grip on Gihun's hand was so tight it almost hurt.

“If - if this happens” - the words seemed to be almost painful for him to speak aloud - “I promise I will tell her. I will find her and I will look after her. I promise.”

Gihun felt tears rise to his eyes. “Thank you” he croaked. Young-il only pressed his hand before leaning back, his thumb continuing to rub circles into Gihun’s skin.
He copied Young-il's position, allowing himself to relax. Just for a bit.

Gihun couldn't say how long they had sat there like this. Finally, Young-il loosened himself from Gihun, announcing that he would go and check on Junhee.

He nodded and let himself fall back onto his bed, closing his eyes.

With Young-il gone his mind had returned to chaos. A thousand thoughts were racing through his head, horror scenarios about what was to come.
There were so many things that could go wrong. It was crazy to even try.
How was he supposed to just walk into the Frontman's room, hoping to somehow overthrow him?

And even getting there… they were outnumbered 40 to one, even if more players joined them.
Images of the dead bodies of his friends rose once again in his mind and he had to use all his strength to push them aside.

He sighed and opened his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face. Now was not the time to worry about things he couldn’t change. He could not risk letting his own fear come in the way of stopping the games.

He sat up and flinched, almost hitting his head on the bedframe, when he found a face hovering inches away from him.
“God, Jung-bae!”, he groaned, swatting at his best friend. “Do you want to kill me before this place can?”

The other man huffed out a laugh and backed up. “Hey, you were laying there looking all mopey for almost five minutes! I was being a good friend and checking on you.”
“Yeah, yeah I’m alright.” Gihun grumbled, sitting up.

Jung-bae got quieter, shooting a look over to Daeho, who had made his way away from the floor and was now sitting in one of the beds a few meters away. Junhee was next to him, the two quietly talking.

“What’bout Daeho? Is he…” Jung-bae asked, eyes not leaving the younger player. Gihun sighed. He knew the two had become close friends during the last few days. But he couldn’t tell him why Daeho would not be joining them tonight. This was something he had to do himself.

“He’s … fine. I asked him not to come tonight.”

Jung-bae opened his mouth to protest but Gihun cut him off.

“We don’t know what’s gonna happen in here after we are gone. I asked him to stay in case Junhee or the others need any help.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. Gihun had thought about the safety of the rest of his team and though he knew that they were very capable of looking after themselves, knowing Daeho would be here to help just in case was a relief.

Jung-bae nodded though he was still shooting concerned looks towards the other player. Gihun didn’t mention it. There would be time to talk. Afterwards.

He let his eyes wander through the room.
There was no clock but it couldn’t be much longer till lights out. They needed to be prepared.

He called for his team to come closer and the grouped around him and Jung-bae. Daeho shot Gihun an anxious look but he just sent him a smile. He would say nothing.

Instead, Gihun started to explain.

He laid out his plan.
The attacks at night. Waiting for the guards to interfere and posing as dead, surprising them. Taking their guns. Attacking.

“If we manage to disarm every guard in this room, I will talk to all the players. I will ask them to come with me. Hopefully a few will help.”

“Oh!” Geum-ja raised her hand, waving for Gihun to let her talk. “Mister, you have to remember to check the soldiers’ pockets, okay? Maybe they have bandages or extra ammo or something like this!”

Yong-sik turned to her with an open mouth. “Mom, how do you know all that?”

She smirked. “Oh, don't underestimate your old mother here. Remember, I survived the Korean war. You pick up certain things!”

Gihun smiled and bowed his head at her.
“Thank you a lot.”

She smiled. “Ah, don't thank me too much! You're the ones going out there tonight to get us all out of here. I am just doing what I can!”

Junhee nodded. “She is right. Thank you a lot for doing this. But - please be careful.”

Gihun shot her a smile. He had not forgotten their conversation earlier and her words played on a loop in his mind.

You are doing good by being alive.

“We will be careful. Don't worry.”

He wanted to continue but was interrupted by the announcement.
“Lights out in ten minutes!”

Gihun felt icecold dread wash over him and his heartbeat accelerated.
“Okay, we don't have a lot of time left. During the attacks our main goal is to keep each other safe. Do not attack anyone on the blue team. It's too dangerous.”

“What about the other X's?” Young-il asked, his dark eyes sending a shiver down Gihun's spine. “They will be attacked. Should we just watch and do nothing?”

Gihun hesitated. It was dangerous to help. They could get hurt and their whole plan might not work out.
“Sometimes sacrifices are necessary,” Sangwoo whispered.

But - “We will help them. Don't bring yourself into unnecessary danger but if you get a chance to, help as many as you can. We are not sacrificing anyone.”

Young-il continued to stare at him for a moment before his eyes softened. Gihun imagined something akin to… pride shimmer in them.

Then Young-il turned away and Gihun was left trying to somehow calm his racing heart.

Chapter Text

The night came and Gihun did not feel prepared.
Time was running out and they barely had the time to arm themselves and hide the more vulnerable players beneath the beds as the lights were already turned off, shredding the room in darkness.

Gihun wouldn’t have taken it from the gamemakers to fasten up the process, especially with the attacks waiting to happen.

He felt sick when he remembered Il-nam’s words about his rich friends who enjoyed to watch these games for “fun”. They were probably sitting in front of their screens right now, eagerly awaiting the massacre.
Gihun hadn’t thought it possible to hate anyone more than the Frontman. But the image of these rich men and women who used their abnormal wealth to bet on people dying to earn enough money to survive made him feel a rage he had never felt before.
They were the real monsters behind all this. The ones who made this hellhole even possible.

He felt his hand tighten into a fist and Jung-bae shot him a glance. “‘You alright?” he whispered and Gihun just nodded.

He and Jung-bae were cowering in a corner of the room, hidden behind bedframes, forks ready in their hands. A few meters away Young-il and Hyun-ju were in a similar position, staring into the darkness.

The room was shrouded in dead silence. No sign of the usual whispers of players talking to each other, no creaking bedframes, not even a shuffling of sheets.
It felt like the entire world was holding its breath.

Gihun shifted his weight slightly. This was the part he hated the most - the waiting. The knowledge that something terrible was about to happen and he could do nothing but wait for it to start.

He turned to Jung-bae, who sent him a lopsided smile. Gihun opened his mouth to answer but flinched when a noise suddenly broke the silence.

A scream echoed through the room. Gihun tensed up, gripping his fork tightly. For a second, silence returned. Then all hell broke loose.

He could see figures running through the dark, throwing themselves at the sleeping players, metal shining in their hands as the lights began to flicker. The sickening smell of blood started to coat the air and Gihun felt thrown back three years ago, his whole body stiffening in fear.

Then he heard another scream. Closer. Too close.
He jumped to his feet, his fork raised. His eyes found a man on the ground, the blue O patch seeming to glow in the dark. He was reaching under one of the beds. The bed Junhee was hiding under.

Gihun didn’t think. He threw himself forward, grabbing the man’s jacket and tearing him backwards. He yelped and swung his fork at Gihun, who barely managed to evade the deathly spikes. He grabbed the player’s arm and pulled it backwards, leaving him to scream out in pain.
His other hand tore wildly through the air, reaching for Gihun’s face. He felt long, broken nails tear through his skin and howled in pain, trying to fight off his attacker.
Suddenly, the hand was ripped away from him and he could hear the man scream.

Gihun wiped the blood away from his eyes and in a flash of light could make out Young-il, grabbing the man by his hair and throwing him to the floor. He was trying to get back up but Young-il forced him to the ground, pressing him down with one knee.

He raised his fork, the spikes gleaming deadly in the flashing light. Before Gihun could react, he tore his arm down, stabbing the metal through the player's throat, sending blood flying everywhere.
The man let out a horrific gurgle, blood gushing out of his torn open throat. Gihun’s blood ran cold as his scream of agony mixed with the dozens of other players dying all around them.

He stared at Young-il in horror as the other man tore out his fork, wiping off the blood on his uniform. When he noticed Gihun, he hurried over, a hand coming up to cup his face, studying the claw marks the dead player’s nails had left.

“Are you alright?” he asked but Gihun could only stare at him. Young-il’s face was sprinkled with red droplets, forming a horrific imitation of freckles on his pale skin. His eyes studied Gihun and the deep contrast between the care and comfort in them now and the blind rage he had seen mere seconds ago made him shiver.

“Why did you kill him?” Gihun shoved away Young-il’s hand, feeling the dampness of blood remaining on his face.
Young-il frowned, his dark eyes tearing into Gihun’s own. “What else should I have done? He was trying to attack us. I stopped him.”

“Yes, but - “ Gihun didn’t know what to say. He was right. Of course he was right, but still - the ease with which Young-il had killed the other man, the dark look in his eyes… It made Gihun shiver.

“We can discuss this later.” Young-il was back at his feet, impatiently offering a hand to Gihun. “We have bigger problems right now.”
Gihun took his hand and allowed Young-il to pull him up. He was right. They had a lot bigger problems.

Once standing, Gihun could make out more of the chaos around him and what he saw and heard was making his blood freeze.
In the short flashes of light, he could see players running around, fighting, many with blood all over them. Corpses were strewn out over the ground and all around them the screams and cries of people fighting for their life could be heard.

Gihun turned around frantically. Where were Jung-bae and Hyun-ju? He had been so caught up in his own fight, he had lost sight of them. His heart was racing as his eyes scanned the room, the flashing lights making it almost impossible to make out single people.

“Get back!” Young-il tore him backwards and Ghun flinched when something crashed down at the ground where he had just stood. When Gihun saw what the shapeless form was, he stumbled backwards, sick rising in his throat.
The corpse of a woman was spread out on the floor, her limbs distorted in terrible ways, chest and stomach ripped open and bloody. Her face was contorted into a silent scream and her dead eyes seemed to stare at Gihun accusingly.

He felt sick. He had come here to protect people. Instead, he was watching them die one after the other, just like he had three years ago.
So many people had already died. His friends were out there somewhere. Were they hurt? Were they even still alive?

Gihun turned back to Young-il. “I’m searching for the others! And maybe I can still help some of the X’s!” he screamed, eyes still racing through the room.
The other man shook his head furiously. “It’s too dangerous! You said it yourself, you can’t just abandon the plan!”

“I don’t care!” Gihun snapped. “I’m going! Stay and protect the rest!”
Without waiting for an answer, Gihun was hurrying away into the chaos.

It was worse than he had believed. He tried to search for Jung-bae or Hyun-ju or any other X but the lights made it almost impossible to see. The thick stench of blood muted all his senses and made him feel sick.

Gihun stumbled through the room, his fork still clutched in his hand. He turned around himself, trying to see anything in the massacre. His eyes fell on a row of beds next to him and he stumbled forward, hearing a scream and strings of curses ringing out to him.

Gihun hurried towards the noise.
He could see a player kneel in the alley with his back turned to him. The number on his shirt read 124. Gihun remembered seeing him earlier, sitting on his bed after the fight in the bathroom. His jacket which for some reason read the number 230 was tied around his hip, the fabric stained with dark spots of blood.

Beneath him Gihun could see the shape of another player, 124 pressing his knee into her stomach, holding the girl to the ground. She tried to fight him off but her movements were sluggish and uncoordinated. As Gihun watched, 124 raised his fork, ready to deliver the final blow.

Before he could let the deadly metal rush down onto the girl, Gihun was behind him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him backwards.

Not expecting the attack, the player stumbled and fell to the ground, immediately trying to get back up.
Gihun grabbed his hair, forcing his face back and pressing his fork to the younger man's throat.
“Leave.” he growled.

“Fuck you!” the man spat. “This is none of your damn business!”

Gihun pressed down harder, the metal spikes tearing into the player’s skin. 124 scuffed, trying to shake him off but Gihun would not make the same mistake twice.
“You have three seconds before I tear your throat out.” he warned, feeling a cold satisfaction watching the blood run down the player’s throat.
Finally, 124 complied. Spitting out a string of curses, he backed up, disappearing into the chaos.

Gihun looked at the girl, relieved to see she was mostly unharmed. He offered her a hand and helped her to her feet, checking for any injuries. “Are you alright?” She nodded and bowed, wiping away the blood on her face. “Thank you.”
“It's no problem. Look out, okay?”

With these words, Gihun turned around and made his way back into the main room.

He hurried through the room, evading the O's and trying to look for anyone who could need his help. All around him people were screaming and fighting, shoving against each other and anyone else. The ground was a maze of puddles of red blood and corpses, leading to Gihun almost stumbling to the ground.

He turned around himself to try and find his friends when another player ran into him, shoving him backwards. He tried to catch himself but slipped in a puddle of blood, losing his balance. Gihun fell backwards, bracing himself for the impact but in the last second a hand gripped his shirt, steadying him.

Gihun looked up at his saviour and a sigh of relief escaped his lips. “Hyun-ju!”

The woman smiled at him, carefully letting go of his shirt. She looked him up and down. “Oh god, are you alright?”
Gihun looked down at himself, seeing his clothes soaked in blood. “Yes, it’s - it’s not mine.”
He studied Hyun-ju. Her pony-tail was ruffled, strands of hair sticking to her face. Her skin was spattered with red. “What about you? And where is Jung-bae?”

“Gihun!”

His question was answered by Jung-bae himself who threw his arms around Gihun. “There you are! What were you thinking to just run off like that?”
Gihun felt a weight lift off his heart. Thank god. They were both okay.

“I was looking for you!” He defended himself.
“Well, you really didn’t do the best jo-” Jung-bae’s words were cut off by the sound of the doors opening.

Gihun didn’t waste any time. He let himself fall to the ground, ignoring the jolts of pain shooting through his limbs. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Jung-bae and Hyun-ju doing the same.

He closed his eyes, forcing his breathing to calm. Then the lights were turned on and Gihun could hear the footsteps of the guards rushing into the room.

He stayed perfectly still, even as harsh footsteps came closer to him and a gloved hand touched the skin at his neck. He felt his muscles tense up, ready to jump, ready to attack.

This was it. The first part of their plan was starting.

Chapter Text

Gihun felt cold metal being pressed to his neck and heard a high beeping sound.
He decided he had waited long enough. It was time.

His hand shot up, smashing into the helmet of the guard.
Not expecting the attack, he stumbled back and Gihun jumped to his feet, immediately reaching for the gun the man had been reckless enough to abandon next to him.

Gihun managed to grab the weapon just as the guard had recovered from the shock. He grabbed a knife from his uniform, slashing at Gihun but before he could even get close to him, Gihun had already raised the gun, pressing the trigger.

The guard fell to the ground in a boneless heap, blood spraying all over Gihun's face. Other gunshot going off told him that he was not the only one to have started the fight.

He turned around, shooting another guard still from his position on the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a third soldier aiming his weapon at him. Gihun tried to lift his own gun, but he was too slow. A shot fired and he flinched, expecting pain to shoot through his body.
Instead, he watched the guard crumble to the ground, the top half of his head blown away.
Gihun spun around to see Young-il, his weapon still aimed at the lifeless man. He smiled at his friend, sending him a silent thank you. Young-il reciprocated the gesture before turning away, aiming his gun at another guard.

Gihun pulled himself up, gripping his own weapon tightly in his hands.
Next to him Jungbae had also managed to secure himself a gun, two more guards laying motionless on the ground.
Hyun-ju was standing only a few meters away, wielding the gun in her hand with an ease that Gihun had rarely seen before.

She shot him a smile before shouting something and firing at a guard to her left. Gihun spun around and saw dozens of more soldiers stream into the room. He stepped forward and raised his gun.

The next few minutes were rushing by in a blur of adrenaline and fear.
The room echoed with the sound of gunshots and screams, corpses in red uniforms joining the dead players on the ground.

Gihun was at the front, leading his team behind him. Hyun-ju was a deadly whirlwind, killing guards left and right, never missing a single shot.
Jungbae was on Gihun's other side, cussing out the guards and proving that he was more than scary enough with a gun in his hand.

Gihun's world was a mix of shooting, ducking and attacking. With every new soldier that fell through his gun he felt a sick sense of satisfaction rise inside him.
He had watched people being killed by these men for so long. And now he could finally do something about it.
He could finally get revenge for his friends.

The fight was surprisingly short.
After mere minutes, the gunshots died down and the remaining soldiers were either dead or had surrendered, their weapons collected by Hyun-ju.

Gihun allowed himself a sigh of relief.
They had done it. The first part of their plan was complete and all had gone well. His friends were still alive. He didn’t get any more blood on his hands.

Jung-bae walked over to him, hitting Gihun on the shoulder with a wide smile. “Hey, we really did it! Maybe your plan wasn’t as crazy as I thought!” Gihun grinned back, the relief and adrenaline leaving him feeling slightly dizzy.

Another gunshot rang out and Gihun flinched back. Had he forgotten something? His eyes raced around before landing on Hyun-ju, who was aiming her gun at a security camera. A second shot rang through the air and Gihun felt himself relax. She was making them invisible to the other guards.

He turned back to Jung-bae only to find the other man walking away. Gihun followed him with his eyes and saw that he was making his way towards the corner of the room where the rest of their team had emerged from under the beds.
Gihun smiled and tried to follow him but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey.” Young-il’s voice was quiet and Gihun felt a shiver run down his spine as his breath tickled his cheek.
He turned towards the other man with a warm smile. “You saved my life. Twice. I have to thank you.”

Young-il smirked, looking down at the gun in his hand. “You can buy me soju when we get out.”
His eyes met Gihun’s and he felt a warm tingling in his stomach. Was this what he thought it was?
“Deal.” His voice sounded raspy and Young-il’s eyes sparkled with amusement.
Gihun swallowed but before he could say something else, Young-il’s eyes seemed to darken. His gaze dropped back to the floor.

Gihun cocked his head, wanting to ask what was wrong but a third voice interrupted him.

“Oh thank god you are all okay!” Geum-ja stood in front of them, the older woman’s eyes shining with relief.

Gihun turned to her with a smile, feeling guilty for only now checking in on her and the others.
“Yes, we are okay. What about you?”

She waved him off. “Oh, don’t you worry about me. I’m alright! So are the others.”

Gihun smiled in relief, feeling a weight being lifted off his heart.
His eyes wandered over to the beds and he saw Jung-bae talk to Daeho, the younger man nodding at something Gihun’s friend was saying. Junhee was sitting next to them, Hyun-ju who had one arm wrapped around Young-mi checking in on her. Yong-sik was a little next to the group, carefully watching his mother.

Gihun felt fondness rise in him as he watched the scene in front of him. His resolve that he was doing the right thing was only growing stronger. Those were the people he was fighting for. He could not fail them.

He took a few steps back so he stood in the middle of the room. “Hey, listen to me!”

His voice echoed through the room and the remaining players slowly made their way out of their hiding spots. Gihun could see that a lot of O’s were left, some with blood all over them, clearly showing what they had been doing earlier in the night.
Gihun felt rage rise in his stomach but he shoved it down.

To his relief, there were quite a few X’s left as well. He could see the girl he had saved earlier in the night standing next to a smaller boy, one hand resting on his shoulder. She smiled at Gihun shortly.
He smiled back before starting to talk again. He didn’t know how much time they had left.

“I need you all to listen to me! I need people to join me. I have a plan to stop these games and I need your help! We are going up to the control room to end this hell once and for all!”

No one moved and Gihun swallowed. But it made sense. The players here were scared - and they had every reason to.
“I know you are scared but this is the only chance we have to stop this madness! Look around yourself! If you stay here, you will end up exactly like they did!” Gihun let his eyes wander over the players, making sure to address them directly.
“Please join me. Look at the guards we already defeated. If we work together we can stop the games forever!”

He saw players exchange awkward glances with each other. No one moved besides Jung-bae and Hyun-ju who had made their way back up, standing at Gihun’s side now. He smiled at them, thankful for their silent support, but then his eyes returned to the remaining players. They needed more people.

“Hey!” Now it was Jung-bae who raised his voice. “Listen to him! This is our last chance to get out alive! I understand why you’re scared and I’m just as scared but I want to finally go home! Don't you? Don't you have a mother at home? A partner? Children? Don’t you want to see them again?”
Finally, a player moved. Gihun looked at his uniform, reading the number 015 on it. He remembered the man, he was one of their fellow X’s. His name was - “Han-nam!” Jung-bae grinned and Gihun saved the name in his brain. Jung-bae had always been better at remembering names than he was.

Han-nam nodded at Jung-bae before turning to Gihun. “I hope you know what you’re doing. I have a family at home. I would like to meet them again before I die.”

Gihun bowed his head at the man. “Thank you. I promise, I will do my best to get you home to your family.”

Another player made his way out of the crowd of people. Then another. And another.
Gihun closed his eyes, allowing himself a breath of relief before addressing the players, seeing who had decided to join.

The first face was one he recognized immediately. “Gyeong-seok!”
The man he remembered from playing mingle together smiled at him. “I still owe my life to you. And I have a daughter. I want to get back to her.” Gihun smiled back, trying to convey his thankfulness. “What is her name?”
A smile spread over Gyeong-seok’s face, his eyes softening. “Na-yeon. She’s six.”

Gihun smiled. “I truly hope you can see her again.” The other man smiled and nodded. “Me too.” he mumbled and Gihun’s stomach clenched painfully. Another life he was responsible for. Another person so undeserving of being stuck in here.

He felt his heart ache as he thought back to his own daughter, Ga-yeong. His grip around the gun tightened. He would see her again. He would apologize and maybe she would give him a second chance. No matter how little he deserved it.

Gyeong-seok had made his way into the line, coming to stand next to Hyun-ju. Gihun’s eyes wandered over their group. They were a group of about a dozen players now. Not as many as he had hoped but maybe it would be enough.

During his talk with Gyeon-seok, Jung-bae and Young-il had given out the remaining guns to everyone who had joined them. Gihun watched the men fumble with the weapons in their hands, obviously unfamiliar with them.

Gihun couldn’t fault them. Had it not been for his training with Junho he would have had no better idea than they did. His mind wandered back to the younger man. Was he still searching for Gihun? Or had he already given up?
He shook the thought off. There was no way of knowing and wondering about it was useless.

He was about to step forward to try and brief the men on how to use the guns in their hands when he noticed someone else had already taken in his spot.
Hyun-ju was standing in front, explaining in simple words and with trained hands how to use the guns, how to reload and fire.

Once again, Gihun found himself in awe of her skills. The way she held herself in front of the group, confident in her knowledge and skill, the ease with which she handled her weapon, the cleverness of shooting the security cameras - Gihun was incredibly thankful to have her on his team.

A tap on his shoulder tore his attention away from Hyun-ju and he turned around. Behind him stood Junhee and Young-mi, their arms full of black squares - ammo, Gihun noticed after a second.
“We checked the soldier’s pockets like Mrs Jang said.” Junhee smiled at him. “We found these.”

Gihun felt a wave of thankfulness wash over him. In the chaos of the fight he had completely forgotten the advice of the older woman. “Thank you so much!” he breathed out. Young-mi smiled before making her way along the line of players, handing them the ammo.

Junhee stayed standing in front of Gihun for a moment longer. “Promise to stay careful.” she said, her brown eyes staring up at Gihun. “I want my child to be able to meet you.”

Gihun felt a lump in his throat and he swallowed harshly. “I promise.”

She nodded, wiping one hand over her eyes before handing him two boxes of ammo. He took them with shaking hands and she stepped away, following Young-mi’s example.

Gihun carefully pocketed the ammo before turning back to the other players. Young-il pressed his shoulder and Gihun sucked in a deep breath, blinking away the tears that had threatened to rise during the short exchange with Junhee.
His eyes wandered over his team, standing ready with guns in their hands and the ammo safely secured in their pockets.

His voice was hoarse but loud enough to catch the attention of them all.
“Let’s go and stop these games! Forever!”
They cheered and Gihun could even see some of the players that had decided to stay, join in.

Then, Gihun turned away and walked towards the doors, Young-il at his side and his group behind.

Chapter Text

The first thing Gihun noticed as they stepped out of the sleeping area was the silence.

He had expected the place to be overrun by guards. There was no way the attacks had gone unnoticed for so long.

But instead of soldiers swarming the halls, the pastel coloured alleys and stairways seemed almost abandoned. Gihun felt a shiver run down his spine. The quiet should have been reassuring but instead it felt almost threatening. Another thought wandered through his head. Did the frontman think their attempt at escaping was not important enough to even react to?

Gihun swallowed harshly. They would show him how wrong he was.
He carefully set a foot on the first step of the staircase, his gun ready in his hand.
The moment his foot touched the pastel pink stair, a bullet rushed by his head, causing him to jump back. His eyes shot up and he saw a guard stand a few stairways over, already aiming for his next shot.

He tore up his gun, aiming at the attacker and shot.
The guard screamed in pain before a second bullet hit him in the head, leaving him to crumble into an unmoving heap.

Gihun gasped for air, hearing the blood rush in his ears.
He swallowed and cast a glance back at his group before setting his foot back onto the step.
When everything stayed silent he started to walk up the staircase, carefully watching the upper levels.

A wise decision it turned out, as Gihun spotted another figure in bright red.

“Get down!”
Hyun-ju's scream came at the same time as his own and Gihun let himself fall to the ground as shots started to fall, leaving his ears ringing.

He gripped his gun and carefully lifted it, making sure to stay in the safety behind the railing.
Others were doing the same, aiming their guns at the guards while trying to keep themselves hidden.

Shots rang out and Gihun could see the guards falling, either crumbling together or stumbling forward, some falling over the railing and into the depth.

“Come on!”

Gihun jumped to his feet and they started to run up the steps. Being quiet was no longer useful, now they needed to be quick.
Young-il was next to him, taking out guard after guard with trained movements. Behind him, Gihun heard Jung-bae's steps, showing him his friend was still alive.

Hyun-ju was once again targeting the security cameras - allowing them to move somewhat in secret.

Despite all of their effort, bullets were still rushing past Gihun. His heart was pounding and he could feel adrenaline rush through his veins..
Behind him he heard a scream and he spun around, feeling sick with fear.

One of the men of his group had been caught by a bullet, a deep gash along his shoulder. Gihun recognized him - he remembered him sitting in a group with other X's, telling with elaborate hand movements about his son and the games they used to play together. His eyes had shined and he had laughed so loud he had caught Gihun’s attention.
Gihun felt sick as he watched the very same man now sink together in pain, holding his wounded arm.

The player next to him was already trying to stop the blood rush with his own jacket, the green fabric staining red.
Gihun ducked, barely dodging a bullet which buried itself into the wall next to him.

He gritted his teeth. As much as he wanted to go back and check on the hurt player, they needed to keep going.
He aimed at another guard and watched with satisfaction how the figure crumbled together.

They continued their run up the stairs, ducking behind every barrier they could find. Guards were attacking from every direction and bullets were flying around them, barely missing Gihun more than once.

He could hear another scream from behind but forced himself to keep going. His heart hammered with fear and he felt sick. This was all going wrong!!

Ahead, Gihun could see a small platform, which was surrounded by a wall - enough to give them cover long enough to regroup.

With his new goal mere meters away from him, Gihun ran up the stairs. He was nearly there. They could look after the hurt players, they could discuss their further plan and get a few seconds of rest. He turned the last corner.

And found himself face to face with a troop of four soldiers, guns in their hands.

“Look out!”
Gihun managed to scream out the warning and threw himself back, hiding behind the wall as shots rang through the air.
He grabbed his own gun, leaning around the corner and aimed at the men. He pulled the trigger and nothing happened.

„Shit!“ His ammo was out. And he had no time to reload, the guards were already turning the corner.

Gihun made up his mind.
He threw himself forward, uncaring for the bullets rushing through the air next to him and managed to tackle one of the guards.
The man tried to reach for his gun but Gihun grabbed it and threw it aside. He tried to reach for the man's mask and pull it down, but the soldier was faster.
Before Gihun could react, he had a knife in his hand, slashing after Gihun.
He was too slow to dodge it and felt pain shoot through his shoulder.

Gihun yelped up in pain and the guard immediately used his short moment of carelessness. Suddenly Gihun was on his back, leather gloved hands wrapped around his throat, pressing.
He tried to trash against the man but his arm had gone almost mute due to the pain and his movements were uncoordinated and slow. The hands tightened.

He desperately struggled against the pressure on his throat, desperately fighting for air. Black spots started to dance in front of his eyes.

Suddenly, his flailing hand hit something hard and for a moment, Gihun’s brain cleared. The gun. He grabbed it, pressing the muzzle upwards and blindly pulling the trigger.

The body atop him immediately slumped together and Gihun felt blood spray all over his face. Finally, the grip around his neck disappeared and Gihun shoved the guard's hands away, clawing at his throat, desperately sucking in air.

He closed his eyes, gasping. His arm throbbed with pain and Gihun could still feel the phantom hands wrapped around his neck.

“-hun! Gihun!”

Suddenly the weight on top of him disappeared. Someone was shaking him but Gihun’s eyes were so heavy. He really wanted to just stay here and rest.
“Gihun! Oh for fucks sake, wake up Gihun! Come on!”
The voice was relentless and Gihun groaned as he was shook once again. He slurishly opened his eyes, blinking against the light.

Floating above him, Gihun could see a face. It took him a few seconds to recognize the person staring down at him. But once his eyes met those dark brown ones, he shot up. "Young-il!"

“Oh thank god.” the man breathed out, his eyes frantically scanning every inch of Gihun’s body.
“Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

Gihun shook his head and tried to stand up. Where were the others?
Immediately the black spots in his vision returned and he felt dizzy, swaying.
Suddenly, Young-il's hand was on his back, secure and steady.

“Maybe you should wait a moment -”

“No.” Gihun gritted out, pulling himself upwards. “We don't have time.”

Young-il looked like he wanted to protest but nodded, draping one of Gihun's arms around his shoulder, half dragging, half carrying him as they hurried up the last of the steps.
Out of the corner of his eye, Gihun could see the other guards on the floor, blood pooling around their dead bodies.

His mind was racing. Where were the others? Were they alive? Hurt?

Finally, they reached the small platform and stumbled inside. Gihun’s eyes quickly scanned over the room, counting the people. Only when he was sure they had lost no one did he allow himself to close his eyes, leaning heavily against Young-il.

“Gihun!”
His eyes snapped back open and he saw Jung-bae rushing towards him. “Oh god, what the hell happened? Hey, are you okay?”

Gihun nodded, rubbing a hand over his face. Slowly his mind gained back clarity. Sadly that also meant the wound in his shoulder had started to ache three times as much as before.
“I’m fine,” he said and swallowed around the unpleasant scratch in his throat.

Jung-bae handed him his gun. “Found it on the stairs,” he explained. Gihun gave him a thankful smile and took the weapon from his friend. He carefully reloaded it, once again thanking Geum-ja for thinking about the ammo.

He checked the weapon once more but his thoughts were already drifting off. They were not safe here. Every second another group of guards could be storming in and their hiding place would turn into a trap.
They needed to keep going.

Gihun carefully loosened himself from Young-il and walked through their small hiding place. “We can’t stay long,” he announced, his eyes wandering over the players around him. Hyun-ju was watching him carefully, her eyes clouded with worry. He shot her a quick smile.

Then, Gihun turned to the two wounded men. They leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. Makeshift bandages soaked with blood were wrapped around their shoulder and arm. Gihun sighed.
“I’m sorry but you have to stay here. I can’t promise it’s safe for you, but - “ but it was safer than outside. They all knew that. The two nodded, sharing a grim look. Gihun just prayed that once they emerged, the guards would be focused on them instead of the wounded.

“Is everyone else okay?” he asked, feeling relieved when they agreed. “Then let’s go.”

As soon as Gihun had made the next step, Young-il and Jung-bae were back at his side. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you had a stab wound in you shoulder,” Young-il mumbled, shooting him an accusing glance.
“It’s nothing. We don’t have time.” Gihun waved off his worry.

“That’s why we’re staying here.” Jung-bae announced, following Gihun with every step. “We’re making sure you don’t break.””

Gihun rolled his eyes, gripping his gun tightly. His hand wandered to his pocket, feeling for the ammo. “Look after yourself first,” he grumbled, though he couldn’t suppress a thankful smile.

They walked into another corridor. A multitude of passages were leading away from it, each with more doors leading away.
Gihun stared at the maze in front of him.

What way would lead them where they needed to go? It was a gamble - choosing the right passage, the right way. If he chose wrong they might end up in a dead end, trapped for the guards to find.

He stared at the entrances; the colorful frames seemed to almost laugh at him. Gihun could feel the eyes of his team tear into his backs. He needed to make a decision.
On instinct, Gihun turned towards one of the doors on the left. He was about to walk in when Young-il touched his shoulder.

The man motioned towards the door on the far right end. “Let’s go this way.”
Gihun frowned, staring at his friend. “Why?

“The staircase where the other guards stood was to our left earlier. We risk running into them if we go there,” Young-il explained, looking up at Gihun with an almost desperate look in his eyes. “Trust me, please?”

Gihun nodded. In the end he was only guessing. Why not take Young-il’s idea?
He walked through the door, the other players following at his feet.

Chapter Text

The corridor quickly split into another intersection. Again, Young-il suggested where to go and Gihun complied easily. So far they hadn’t come to face any more guards so whatever Young-il was doing, it was working.

They continued like this, making their way further and further into the maze of doors and stairs. If Gihun was honest, he was already terribly lost. He cursed himself. They should have left some sort of marks on the walls so they could find their way back.
‘If they survived long enough to go back’, his mind provided unhelpfully and he did his best to shove the thought away.

They would be fine. He had the best group he could wish for and for whatever reason, they had been able to avoid any guards for quite some time now.

Gihun turned around and shot a quick glance at Hyun-ju who was walking behind him, her gun ready in her hand. She had destroyed every security camera they had found so far, keeping them hidden from the guards.

Gihun could only imagine the chaos that must be happening in the control centre at the moment. Was the frontman aware of what they were doing? Was he already on his way to find them?

Gihun was shaken out of his thoughts as Young-il suddenly stopped in front of him. He stumbled, nearly falling into him but the other man steadied him with one hand. “Careful,” he said, smiling softly at Gihun.
He felt blood shoot to his head and replied with a shaky smile.

Jungbae stopped next to them, tearing Gihun out of his thoughts. "What's going on?” he asked, patting one hand on Gihun’s shoulder.

“It’s another intersection,” Young-il responded, taking one step forward so they could oversee the multitude of doors they had stopped in front of.
Almost on instinct, Gihun looked towards Young-il, waiting for him to choose.

His friend took a few steps forward, scanning all the doors carefully. “Let’s go this way,” he decided after a few seconds, motioning to a door painted in bright yellow. Gihun nodded, but before he could take a step forward, he was stopped by Jungbae’s hand still resting on his shoulder.

He turned around, frowning at his friend. Jungbae grimaced, pulling Gihun a bit closer and whispering: “I really don’t wanna sound like an asshole but … how does he know where we have to go? Are you sure he knows what he’s doing?”

Gihun frowned. “Are you not trusting him?” he hissed back, glancing over at Young-il. The other man was waiting patiently, smiling at Gihun.
He looked back at Jungbae. His friend rubbed a hand through his hair and let out a huff. “No, it’s not that, just – how do you know he’s not leading us in the wrong direction?”

“We haven’t met any soldiers yet, have we?” Gihun nervously tapped a foot on the ground.
“It’s strange,” Hyun-ju suddenly threw in. The woman had appeared next to the two, the other players waiting a few feet behind, watching them. “I had expected there to be a lot more guards, especially with the amount of force we met when we first left the sleeping quarters.”

Gihun nodded. “Exactly. Young-il knows what he’s doing. I say, we are going his way unless you have a better idea?"
He looked at Jungbae but his friend just shook his head, smiling sheepishly. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s go.”

He made his way past Gihun, following Young-il as the other man carefully opened the door, disappearing behind the frame. Jungbae followed him on his feet but Gihun hesitated for a second, taking the moment to look over all the players, making sure they were still alright.

To his relief none of them were injured, only anxious and nervous, their weapons gripped tight. One after the other they followed Jungbae and Young-il till only Gihun and Hyun-ju remained.

The woman shot him a short smile. “It’s going good so far but Jungbae is right,” she said, eyes resting heavily on Gihun. “Don’t forget to listen to your own judgement.”
He swallowed and let out a sigh.
“I know but it’s Young-il. I trust him and I don’t see why I shouldn’t. Nothing bad ha -”

A scream echoed through the halls, cutting off Gihun’s words. He froze, feeling his heart race in his chest.
Another scream, accompanied by the sound of gunfire. Gihun shared a look with Hyun-ju, the terror in her eyes mirroring his own.
Without another word they started to run.

Gihun felt his blood pulsate in his ears as he ran through the winded corridors, feet hitting on the ridiculously coloured pavement. What had happened? Were the others okay? God, were Young-il and Jungbae okay?

They ran through the yellow door Young-il had chosen earlier. As Gihun rounded the next corner he felt himself freeze in shock at the sight in front of him.

Guards. At least a dozen of them, maybe more.

Some had their guns in hand, shooting at the players around them. Others were fighting directly against Gihun’s team, knives flashing in the cold light. On the ground, Gihun could see lifeless figures, some dressed in red but far too many wearing the player uniform. He felt sick.

Gihun tore up his gun, starting to shoot at the soldiers, bullets tearing into the walls and ceiling. One screamed out in pain, falling to the floor but others spun around, guns aiming at him, shots echoing through the air.

He let himself fall to the floor, evading the first hail of bullets. He could hear shots being fired from behind as Hyun-ju joined the fight.
Gihun reached for his gun again, trying to aim at the soldiers but had to lower his weapon.

It was too much chaos. He was not as skilled of a shooter as Hyun-ju was and he couldn’t risk hitting any of his teammates.

Instead, he darted forward, grabbing a knife off the ground and threw himself into the fight.

His eyes darted through the chaos, trying to find Jungbae or Young-il. Instead, his eyes fell on Gyeong-seok. The man was on the ground, getting strangled by a guard on top of him just as Gihun had earlier. He darted to his side, ramming his knife into the back of the soldier, blood splashes hitting his face.
The man collapsed and Gihun tore his body away from the other player, helping Gyeong-seok stagger to his feet.
“Are you okay?” he asked. The other man was gasping for air but he nodded shakily, wiping over his face and leaving behind a stroke of blood.

Gihun nodded in relief, trusting the other man to hold his own for now. He gripped his knife tighter, redirecting his attention to the fight around him.

The next few minutes went by in a whirl. Gihun fought his way through the waves of guards, stabbing and slashing in every direction. His team was at his side, guards falling one after the other under their attacks. Hyun-ju was somewhere behind him, soldiers collapsing under her shots.

But luck was not on their side. The guards had an advantage in number and unlike them, they were not drained from days with little to no sleep and constant fight for survival. They were strong and slowly but surely, they overpowered their team.

More and more players fell and Gihun could only watch in silent terror and pain as lifeless bodies hit the ground, green uniforms stained with red.

Han-nam was among the fallen and Gihun felt guilt and pain tear him apart as he helplessly watched the other player break together with a gunshot wound in his chest.

He had promised this man that he would return to his daughter.
He had promised all of them that they would survive and leave the games. And now they were dying one after the other in front of him.

Gihun felt his movements get slower. His injured shoulder was burning with pain and he felt himself growing dizzy.

Suddenly, his eyes fell on a familiar figure a few meters away from him, slumped against the wall. His blood froze.

“Jungbae!”

The scream tore itself out of Gihun and then he was kneeling on the ground, eyes racing over his friend.

“Oh god. Oh god, no! No no, please, no!”

He was mumbling under his breath as his hands shakily wandered over the still body in front of him. A large spot of red blood had formed on his uniform, spreading across his stomach. Gihun felt bile rise in his throat.

“Come on, come on, come on, please!” His fingers were shaking so much it took him three tries to find Jungbae’s pulse point.
When he felt the faint pulsing under his skin, Gihun almost collapsed.
He was still alive.

His hand immediately pressed onto the wound in Jungbae’s abdomen, red blood staining his hands. “Come on!” he gritted. “You are not leaving me, do you understand? You are not dying here, you can’t die here!”
His friend’s eyes stayed closed and the ashened look of his skin made Gihun want to vomit.

This was his fault. Oh god, Jungbae was dying and it was all his fault!

“Please, please, plea -”

Something cold pressed into his neck and Gihun froze.

Hands still resting on Jungbae’s body, he slowly turned his head till he found himself face to face with the muzzle of a gun.
“Step away from him,” the guard ordered, his triangular mask hiding his face.

“No.”

Gihun felt his heart race but he didn’t move. From the corner of his eyes he saw his teammates on the ground, guns aimed at their head. Some were staring at him, others slumped together lifelessly. He swallowed and continued to apply pressure to Jungbae’s wounds. He couldn’t let him die. Not him as well.

“Step away from him.” The guard’s voice left no room for arguments but Gihun didn’t move a muscle.

“No.”

The gun pressed harder into his temple, the pressure making his heart race. Gihun hadn’t thought he was still scared of death but right now he was the only thing keeping Jungbae alive. He felt sweat dripping into his eyes.

“I am not warning you again.”

The finger of the guard moved to the trigger and Gihun coiled back, his body instinctively forming a shield over Jungbae’s lifeless body.
He pressed his eyes closed, waiting for the shot, for the pain.

Instead, a voice rang through the silence.

“Stop.”

Gihun slowly opened his eyes, heart pulsating in his throat. He knew this voice.

Young-il stood in the middle of the room. His uniform was darkened with blood and he stared at the guard standing over Gihun.
For a moment Gihun felt pure relief. He was alive and well. Oh thank god.

“Leave them alone.” Young-il ordered, voice cold as ice. The guard stared at him for a moment and Gihun felt his heart tighten in fear. The guard lowered his head and then – stepped away.

“Wha -” Gihun tried to catch Young-il’s eye, tried to get a reaction out of him, an explanation, something. But his friend didn’t even glance in his direction.

“Leave them unharmed and guard them. Take 456 up to the control room.”

Finally, Young-il looked at Gihun. He felt a shiver run down his spine. The eyes of the other player were empty. No trace of the caring, loving man Gihun had gotten to know over the last days.

Then, Young-il turned around and walked out of the room.

Gihun stared after him, his brain scrambling to make sense of the situation. What was happening here? Why was Young-il –

He forced himself to shove the thoughts away. By now, the guard had redirected his attention to Gihun. He wiped away his confusion, his pain and fear and stared at the man defiantly.

Protect Jungbae. Everything else came second.

The guard reached for Gihun and he jumped forward, knife in hand. But before he could even attempt to hurt him, he was tossed away. Someone was holding him, pulling him backwards. The knife fell out of his hand and landed on the floor with a clatter and he felt his arms getting pulled onto his back.

Gihun screamed, fighting against the hold, thrashing in the grip of the guards.

“Stop! Let me go, I need to go back, leave me ALONE!”

They dragged him out of the room, away from his friends, away from Jungbae.

“No! Leave me alone, get off me! Jungbae! JUNGBAE!!”

Gihun kicked and fought but it did nothing. “Please!” he sobbed, tears streaming down his face as the lifeless body of his best friend disappeared behind the corner. “Let me go!”

He felt something sharp punctuate his skin.

His last thought was the knowledge that he had failed. Again.

Chapter Text

Gihun awoke with a drumming headache and the feeling of utter hopelessness.

His eyes opened slowly, sluggishly. He forced himself to sit up, every muscle protesting while his eyes wandered through the room, taking in his surroundings.

He was laying on a couch, the clean, soft material feeling strange in comparison to his grimy, ragged uniform. In front of him stood a big screen which took in almost the entirety of the wall. It was turned off and Gihun could vaguely see his own reflection in the glass.

The rest of the room was entirely made out of a metallic, golden material. On one side a large cupboard filled with different bottles filled almost the entire wall. A chandelier emitted a soft light from above.

The room looked beautiful in its own cold and distant way but Gihun couldn’t care any less.

His memories had returned in full, rushing through his head and Gihun felt his stomach cramp together.

The fight. The dying players, falling one after the other. Jungbae – oh god Jungbae. Gihun pressed his eyes closed, feeling his hands tremble.

He had left him behind. His best friend, the man he had known for years, the only one who still remembered the real him. Gihun had left him when he needed him the most.

Was he already dead? Bled out alone on the cold floor, with no one by his side, his body packed in a casket, forever lost on this island?

Gihun wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, to fight, to mourn for his friend. But he couldn’t. No tear ran down his cheek, no sound escaped him.
He had lost the privilege to mourn for him.

“You are awake.”

Gihun jumped to his feet and spun around.

In front of him stood Young-il. His player uniform was covered in blood and his hair was ruffled, just like Gihun had last seen him.

Only his face was pristine - not a singular speck of blood, nothing similar to the grime, the mixture of blood and tears that stroked lines down Gihun’s face.

Gihun hurried towards the other man, relief rushing through his body.
Young-il was here. He was alive and unharmed and this alone made Gihun’s shoulders sack together in relief.

They could leave together, fight against the guards and get away. Maybe they would even reach their group fast enough, maybe they could help Jungbae –

Gihun stopped.
No – no, something was wrong.

He remembered. He remembered the way Young-il had commanded the guards, the way they had followed his orders.
Take 456 up to the control room.

He took a step backwards. Young-il still hadn’t moved, his dark eyes watching Gihun, an unrecognizable expression on his face.

“Young-il,” Gihun’s voice was hoarse and he hated how desperate his words sounded. “What happened? Why – what did you do?”
He stared at his friend, begging him to answer. To provide an explanation, an apology, a secret plan. Anything.

Young-il stayed silent. He didn’t look at the floor, didn’t evade Gihun’s eyes. Only stared at him, all the warmth vanished from his face, only leaving a blank mask.

Gihun took another step back. “Young-il?”

“In-ho.”

Gihun froze. “What?”

“My name is not Young-il. It’s Inho - Hwang Inho.”

Gihun felt his stomach drop like he was standing at the edge of a cliff.
“What?” he croaked, repeating himself but unable to do anything else.

“I took the name Young-il in…in the games. To hide my real identity. It was – safer.”

Gihun stumbled backwards, hand reaching for a weapon he no longer carried.

“Who are you?”

His words were hoarse and quiet but they seemed to ring in the silence like gunshots.

Young-, no Inho sighed and on some level Gihun noticed that he looked tired – worse than he ever looked during their last few days together.

“Look around, Gihun. Don't – don’t you already know it?”

Gihun let his eyes wander over his surroundings. The expensive room. The TV-screen. The - oh god.

On a table in the back, one Gihun hadn’t noticed earlier, lay a mask.

Before he knew it, he was walking towards it, his body feeling strangely numb, moving almost on autopilot.

His fingers gripped the mask, raising it to study the firm black metal, the geometrical shapes.
Gihun knew this mask. Hell, he had seen it every night in his dreams for three years.

His eyes fell back on Inho, who was watching him with an expression of utter sorrow.
A horrible suspicion rose inside Gihun.

He thought back to their conversation in the hallways, a conversation that felt like years ago.

I have done bad things. Things I don’t think you could forgive me for.

The mask clattered to the floor.

“No.” Gihun’s voice was breathless, pleading. “No – Young-il – Inho… No. Tell me this is not true.”

He lowered his eyes and Gihun felt his world crumble together around him.

He wanted to sink to his knees, wanted to scream and wail in grief and betrayal. This couldn’t be true. Please.

“Gihun – I am sorry. I really am.”

Gihun felt rage rise up inside him and he relished in it, relished in the burning hatred, because it was better than the overwhelming grief he had felt before.

Suddenly he was in front of Inho. He shoved the other man backwards, pressing him to the wall.
He had no weapon, nothing to attack with but Inho made no move to defend himself. He was almost limp in Gihun’s grip, dark eyes staring at him.

“Sorry? You – you are sorry? After – after everything you've done?”
Gihun had wanted to scream, to curse and spit but instead his words came out as a whisper.

“You tricked us! Jungbae is dying because of you, because we trusted you! Because I trusted you!”
A tear ran down Gihun’s cheek and he angrily wiped it away. He didn’t want to cry. Not – not here. Not in front of Inho.

He thought back to the last time he had cried in front of him and felt sick. Oh god, he had told him so much. About his depression, his grief, had opened himself up about his fear and pain like he never had before … all of this in front of this – this monster?

His grip tightened as he spit out his thoughts, his rage. “I opened up to you and you – you… Did you like it? Did you relish in my pain, in my grief? I told you about everything, I KISSED YOU!”
His voice broke and he felt his grip on Inho's uniform loosen.

“Was it all fake?” he whispered, feeling a part of his heart break, the stupid part, the part that had trusted Inho, that had cared for him.

For the first time, Inho looked up. His eyes were big and Gihun imagined seeing the remnants of tears in them. But that was impossible. There was no way he was actually–

“Gihun – I – let me explain. Please. I can’t offer you an excuse for my actions but I can try to give you an explanation. If you let me.”

Gihun wanted to say no. He didn’t want to hear another word coming from the other man’s mouth, didn’t want to hear any more lies.

Also…

“Jungbae. I can’t just leave him there bleeding to death to listen to your … your sob story!”

“The guards will not harm him any further. You have my word.”

“Your word means nothing to me!” Gihun spat. He stared at Inho, daring the other man to make a move. Inho stayed still.

“Do I have any say in this?” Gihun muttered bitterly. He started to pace around the room, unable to sit still. “I’m basically trapped in here with you, ain't I?”

Inho slowly shook his head and sighed. “Gihun… I understand why you don’t trust me, but I am not forcing you to listen to me. I am asking you. Because I want you to understand.”

Gihun stayed silent for a moment. Everything in him wanted to storm out of this room, find his friends or even better punch Inho in the face. Let him bleed.

But Gihun knew that he had no chance. Inho could go on about “asking” and “his own choice” as long as he wanted, Gihun knew that he was dead once he did one wrong move. There was probably a gun directed at his head this very second.
So instead of screaming and fighting, Gihun let himself sink onto the couch.

“Talk,” he mumbled, feeling utterly helpless.

Inho sat down next to him and Gihun scooted away from him as far as possible. He glanced at the other man and found Inho looking at him, his eyes full of something akin to … sorrow. Gihun quickly looked away, pressing his hands into fists, nails tearing into his flesh.

It hurt. Fuck, it hurt and Gihun hated how much it hurt. It hadn’t even been a full day since he had cradled this face between his hands, since he had felt like he had found something truly beautiful in the other man.
He hadn’t thought he had enough parts of himself left to feel his heart break like this.

“I was a police officer.”

Inho’s voice tore Gihun out of his thoughts and it took him a second to register the other man’s words. Whatever he had expected as a start it was not … this.

“It had been a dream of mine my entire life and I was so proud of myself for achieving it. It wasn’t a bad job and the pay was good – but not good enough.”
He sighed and Gihun felt resentment rise in him. If he told him he had taken the job because of the money …

Gihun understood making bad decisions because of money. Hell, he had done it himself often enough. Bad this … this was something entirely else.

“My wife, she – she got sick. Liver cirrhosis. It was acute and she needed surgery but while we did the ultrasound, we found out she was pregnant.”

Gihun remembered this story. Young-il had told it to him during their first night, had told him about his wife’s death and the debt he had gotten himself in because of it.

He had expected it to be another lie. But now … was there a chance he was telling the truth?

“I begged her to terminate the pregnancy, begged her to live. But she didn’t listen.” Inho let out a wet chuckle. “She was always so stubborn. I wasn’t able to change her mind on anything.
I took out a loan to pay for her treatment. It was a stupid idea – borrowing money from a criminal. My employer heard about it and thought I had taken a bribe. I couldn’t do anything – I was immediately fired.”

He sighed and wiped a hand over his face. A part of Gihun felt bad for him but he didn’t allow himself to feel it. This man didn’t deserve his pity.

“The bills just kept stacking themselves up. I knew that I had to do something, anything if I wanted my wife to survive. And god – I couldn’t imagine a life without her. I didn’t want to imagine it.”

The look in Inho’s eyes was fond and so full of love that for a split second, Gihun felt jealousy creep up inside him. He shoved the feeling down, disgusted with himself.

“The recruiter found me on a saturday. I was on the way home – looking back it almost seems like a wonder he ever found me. I barely left the hospital anymore.
Back then it was a different recruiter, a woman. The recruiters have to get replaced often – the job is dangerous, you know that better than most, don’t you?”

Gihun thought back to the game of russian roulette he and the salesman had played. He remembered the flicker of terror in the man’s eyes before he had shot himself in the head. He didn’t find any pity in himself.

“I was sceptical at first but once she showed me the money I didn’t hesitate. Nor did I when she gave me the card, telling me there was a game with more money to win – I needed it. I joined the games as a player.”

Gihun stared at him. “But – but if you were a player, why would you ever work for them? Why?”

“Because I saw it!” Inho snapped, raising his voice for the first time since he had entered the room. “Because I lived through the entirety of the games and I saw what they did to people! Because I experienced first hand how it changed the people around me!”

He wiped a hand over his face, looking more exhausted than ever before.

“Half of the players got eliminated during red light, green light. We didn’t get to vote, the third clause was only added later. We were stuck, left to die with no chance of escape.
The – the fights started during the first night. They hadn’t given us food, not like you were given. Scraps were thrown in, all around the room and players were fighting for it like animals.
I had a team – people I thought I could trust. We stayed together for the next few games while more and more people died around us. After the second night they stopped giving us food at all.” He sucked in a shaky breath.

“On the fourth day, people started to – “ he swallowed. “They left the corpses in the room. When we got no food, not even water, they – “

He didn’t finish his sentence but he didn’t need to. Gihun could imagine enough. He felt sick to his core.

“My team lasted till the fifth day. We were six people – well, we started out as six people. Once we reached the fifth game, four of us were left. I, a woman named Jung-eun, and two men, Song-min and Yejun. I thought I could trust them – I was sure of it. We had planned to escape together, to win and leave this place behind. But our – our last game together was Hide and Seek.”

Gihun straightened. A new game – why was Inho telling him this? Because it wouldn’t be played this time? Or had he already decided to kill Gihun so the information was useless to him?

“One group had to hide themselves and the others had to find and kill them,” Inho continued. “The teams were decided randomly. I got seeker – so did Jung-eun. Yejun and Song-mi had to hide.
I didn’t want to kill anyone but I had to get back to my wife. She was my only goal, I knew I had to make it out alive and I was ready to do anything.”

Gihun swallowed. He thought back to his mother – the way he had been so determined to win, to save her with the money. He felt like he could understand some of Inho’s thoughts and he hated himself for it.

“The place was a maze. I was wandering around, the knife they had given us seekers in my hand. I tried to tell myself I was only looking for my teammates but it wasn’t true. No, I was looking for another player. I was looking for prey.”

Gihun felt shivers run down his back.

“I found another player. A hider. He tried to defend himself but he had no chance and I was ready to kill him. I was about to stab him and get another step closer to getting back to my wife but then I heard a scream. Yejun.”

Inho let out a sigh, eyes fixated on his hands. Gihun felt a strange sense of Deja-vu. Merely a day ago they had sat together like this and it had been Gihun who had talked about his former games.
Now the roles were suddenly reversed.

Inho continued.
“He was barely 20 years old, basically a kid. I never got out of him why he had joined the games. He had been terrified before Hide and Seek and I had promised to protect him.”

Inho balled his hands into fists but he couldn’t hide the way they trembled. Gihun wanted to reach out, to comfort him – but no. He wanted to comfort Young-il. Not Inho. Not the Frontman.

“I was too slow. It didn’t matter that I started running the second I heard his scream. It didn’t matter that I tore my knife into the seeker who had attacked him before I could even see their face. None of it mattered because once I got to Yejun, it was too late.”

Inho closed his eyes. “He was still breathing but there was so much blood, so much goddamn blood. His stomach had been ripped open and he could barely breathe because some of it must have reached his lungs and … “

Gihun’s fingers tore itself into the cushions of the couch because, fuck, this story reminded him so much of Sae-byeok and … and if Inho had lived through this, if he had experienced the same pain Gihun had experienced then why had he become the Frontman?

“I killed him.” Inho’s voice was barely a whisper. “He begged me to, he told me I had to survive. And I did it. I had promised to protect him and in the end I killed him myself. The only goddamn good person in that year’s games.”

Inho kept his eyes closed as he continued to talk. His voice was hoarse and full with the sort of pain that had been suppressed for too long.

“Only then I checked who the player was who killed him. It was Jung-eon.”

Gihun felt his heart drop.

“She had been in my team. I had protected her and she had protected me. Yejun had trusted her, they had been friends! And she had killed him.
I don’t know how Song-mi died in the end. I just stayed there, between the corpses of the friends I had killed and waited for the game to be over. He wasn’t there when we were led back.”

He let out a shivering sigh.

“The other players were a team. They had formed a group and offered me to join but I stayed aside. I knew how little a team protected you.”
He let out a hoarse laugh. “I thought I had learned my lesson but I was wrong again.
Before the last game, they told us we only had to eliminate three players and the rest would be free to go. We would get to choose who to kill ourselves.

It was obvious. I was the outsider, the only one not part of the group. I wouldn’t be able to fight against them all, not half dead from hunger and exhaustion. I thought I was already dead.

But I – I got a chance. During the night, a guard approached me and told me to follow. He led me here.”

Gihun frowned. “What? Why?”

“Il-nam – the man who you got to know as number 001 was expecting me and he offered me a chance. A chance to survive and to see my family again.
He gave me a knife. He told me to kill the other players – cut their throat during the night so I would be the only winner.
I asked him why and he told me I had potential. I didn’t know what he was talking about but I recognized what he was offering me: The only way to see my wife again.”

He let out a slow breath and when he continued, his voice was firm. Not even a trace of regret.

“I did it. I killed them, one after the other and in the end I was announced the winner.
They packed me into a van, half dead with exhaustion and only held upright by the promise to save my wife and unborn child. Before I was left on the street, Il-nam talked to me again. He told me that he hoped to meet again soon.

I didn’t know what he was talking about and I didn’t want to know either. I just wanted to get to my wife. But – “

His voice broke and Gihun looked over at him. Tears were standing in Inho’s eyes.

“I was too late. She was laying dead on the floor of my flat. I later asked the doctor – she had been dead for at least two days.
I never had a chance. She had died and I hadn’t been with her.”

Gihun felt sick. The story was so similar to his own, so terribly similar in all the wrong ways.

“I received the invitation three months later. An invitation back to the games – but not as a player this time.
I went there with no intention to join. I was planning on confronting Il-nam, maybe to find information for the police, maybe to kill him myself.
He asked me whether I had learned my lesson. Whether I thought, the people in the games deserved to live. Whether I thought I deserved to live.
I told him no and he offered me a place. A place next to him, designing the games, running them. Giving the players what they deserved – either a chance to survive or an end to a life not worthy of living.”

Every ounce of sympathy Gihun had ever felt for the other man had disappeared. His mind wandered to Saebyeok, to Sangwoo and Ali, to Jun-hee and Jung-bae, Daeho, Hyun-ju and Young-mi, to Geum-ja and Young-sik.

They didn’t deserve this. They had never deserved what happened to them.

“And now?” Gihun’s voice was quiet. “Do you still think we deserve this? Do you think I got what I deserved?”

Inho looked at him for a long moment.

“No. No, I don’t.”

Chapter Text

“Why?” Gihun spit out. “Did you suddenly develop a sense of morality after years of just — not caring?”

Inho sighed. “Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“No.” Gihun folded his arms and glared at the other man.
“What do you want? Why bring me here, why did you even allow the rebellion to start? You could have stopped it the moment it started — but you waited. Now dozens of your soldiers are dead and … “

He broke off and swallowed. Forced himself not to think about Jungbae.
“What do you want from me?” he repeated, cursing himself as his voice broke.

Inho stayed silent for a few moments, his face a perfectly blank mask. He looked like he had all the time in the world while he was debating an answer.
Gihun himself felt everything but calm. His leg was anxiously shaking and he was well aware that every ounce of nervosity was easily readable on his face. He had never been good at hiding his emotions.

Finally, Inho started to speak. His words were slow, careful. Like everything he said could be used against him.

“I want to help you. It's the reason I brought you here, the reason why I told my guards not to further hurt your friends. You want to end the games and I want to help you.”

Gihun let out a dry laugh. “Am I supposed to believe this?”

Inho’s face stayed blank. “I am not lying to you Gihun.”

“No.” Gihun leaped to his feet, pacing around the room. “This - this is completely insane. How are you expecting me to just believe you? After everything you have done? After lying to me for days?”

The frontman sighed, looking annoyed in a way that made Gihun’s blood boil. “I understand why -”

“No!” Gihun cut him off. “No, you don’t understand! You lied to me! You lied to me for days, you manipulated me just for your own fun! You are the reason thousands of people are dead, the reason my friends are dead! And now — now you just sit here talking about believing you? About trust? Because you what? Want to end the games?”
He huffed out a dry laugh.
“You could have ended the games ages ago if you wanted to! You don’t need me! You never needed me!”

Gihun's words broke off with a half sob and he clenched his hands together, forcing the lump in his throat down. His whole body was shaking with rage and grief but he. would. not. cry.

Not here. Not in front of Inho.

The other man was watching him and for once, Gihun imagined to see a crack in his perfect mask.

“Gihun.” He held out his hand, an almost pleading look in his eyes. “I’m asking — no, I’m begging you to hear me out. This might be our only chance.”

Gihun stared at the hand in utter distrust. But … what else was he supposed to do?

“Talk,” he commanded and let himself sink back onto the couch. He very deliberately ignored the outstretched hand.
Inho cleared his throat. “Okay. I want to start with … I never completely believed in the games.”
Gihun scoffed but Inho ignored him and continued.

“At least I don’t think I did. The first few years … I barely remember them to be honest. I was in a very bad place.
And then … at one point I just accepted them. Humans can get used to so much and the brutality, the horror became just — just another part of my life. Something bad but not bad enough to change it. A rule of life of sorts.”

He sighed. “I tried not to really think about it. Like it wasn’t … wasn’t real. Sometimes moments made me pause. Players showing real compassion, love and sacrifice. But overall… they were just numbers. They disappeared.
Your first game. It was different. Il-nam had decided to take part in the games and for the first time I was responsible for everything alone.
Il-nam … he talked about you. After the first game was paused and everyone went home. He was already very sick but he was so … adamant about getting you back into the games. Enough for him to go and find you himself.”

Gihun shuddered. He felt sick. What had caused Il-nam to search for him? What made him interesting to monsters like this?

“He piqued my interest in you. I was watching you more closely once the games restarted. I wanted to know what Il-nam saw in you. And … something changed. Maybe it was the first time I had allowed myself to pay any attention to the games but it was harder and harder to get back into the usual… watching. To not care about what was happening.”

He sighed. “Also… Okay this is gonna take some explanation. My brother found me? “

“What?”

Inho nodded. “He's a police detective. He managed to sneak in — disguised as a guard I presume. I think he was searching for me but I don't know exactly. At first I didn't know that he was the intruder, just that someone had found the island. We hunted him down and when we confronted him and I found out who he was, I begged him to join me. He was… everything to me. The only person I still had left. But he refused and I… I shot him.”

Gihun stared at him, pieces slowly falling into place in his head.
“What is your full name again?” he asked slowly.

“Hwang Inho,” Inho answered, frowning at the question.

“Junho. You are Hwang Junho’s brother!” It came out more accusing than Gihun had anticipated, but … of course. It made so much sense in hindsight.

“Did he know?” Gihun pressed on. “Did Junho know it was you? That you were the frontman?”

Inho nodded, eyes clouded in memories.

Gihun groaned. Junho had lied to him. Has anyone ever told him the truth?

“Do you know him?” Inho asked carefully. Gihun nodded. “Yes, we –” he stopped himself. Maybe Inho didn't know about the rescue mission. Gihun would not risk giving them away.

“We knew each other … shortly,” he finished. Inho looked unconvinced but didn't ask further questions.

A minute of silence passed until, finally, Inho started to talk again.

“The last few years I … I stopped caring for the games even less. I was watching you.” Gihun felt a shiver run down his back. “From the moment you stepped away from the plane, I was keeping an eye on you. I — I think I saw myself in you. No… I saw the version I wanted to be in you. And when you went back into the games, I — I followed. I needed to.”

Gihun couldn't decide whether it was nausea or… something else that rose in his stomach at the words. He decided not to further analyse it.

“It was hard. To be back in the games. Hell, I don’t have to tell you about it. Suddenly everything felt… real. Not like the videos I have watched but like real danger. Real people. Because they were real, of course they were. It just took me too long to realise it.”

Inho took a deep breath and turned towards Gihun. His oh so familiar dark eyes seemed to burrow into his soul.

“Gihun, I didn't stop the games any earlier because I couldn't. Not with the VIP's, who had all the money in the world to hunt me down and kill me. They would just put someone else in my place once I made the wrong move. And I didn't have the need to, the courage before… before I met you.
I was always telling myself that the people in the games deserved to suffer just as much as I did. That if they went through the same thing they would make the same decision as I made. But you went through the same and you didn't. You are kind and loving and trusting and good. Gihun, you are good and you reminded me that maybe I could be the same.”

A tear was running down Inho’s face. Gihun was frozen into his seat, unable to move, unable to speak.

“I heard you talk about your games and god, I never wanted anyone to go through something like this again. I am not taking any blame off myself. I am not a good person and I never will be but if you just let me help you I could at least try to do a single good thing with my life.”

Gihun swallowed. His mouth was dry and he felt weirdly dizzy. God, he really wished he had a drink.

His thoughts were racing, unable to make sense of the words he had just heard.
Was Inho serious? Could he trust him?

That was the question, wasn’t it? Could he trust the man responsible for every bad thing that had happened to him in the last three years?

Every instinct in Gihun screamed at him not to believe a word Inho said. That this was another manipulation, another trick, another game.
But… “Do I have another chance than trusting you?” he asked, voice shaking slightly.

Inho let out a sigh.
“You could go back into the games. Your friends will return unscathed – at least the ones who are still alive. The games will continue as planned and tomorrow half of them will be dead. You won’t be able to protect them all, Gihun.”

Gihun felt his stomach cramp together.

This was it. Either he laid his own life and the ones of all his friends in Inho’s hands … or they all died.

It wasn’t a decision. Not really.

Gihun let out a sigh, feeling dread rising in him before he had even spoken the first word.

“What is your plan? How do you want to help?”

Inho sat up straighter, the hint of a smile on his face.

“The VIP’s have arrived a few hours ago. They are in a safe room at the moment but they’re getting impatient and are expecting me to talk to them soon.
Before I join them, I will give out a command to my soldiers to escort the remaining players towards the exit where ships will be waiting for you. I will distract the VIP’s, tell them about the games, the rebellion, whatever they want to hear. You can escape without them noticing.”

Gihun frowned. “You are trusting the guards to just … let us escape?”

Inho nodded. “They aren’t much better off than you. Most of them took the job because they needed the money. They don’t care about what they do and they know that disobedience will lead to their death.”

Gihun swallowed. “Got it.”

“The whole island is full of hidden explosives.” Inho continued. “It was originally a safety measure — in case of an emergency, the VIP’s can get escorted off the island, it explodes and all the evidence of the games gets destroyed. But there is also a second modus … one they don’t know about.”
He let out a slow breath. “It’s silent and instead of half an hour it only takes five minutes for the bombs to be activated. Once you are all safely on the boats and far enough away, I will press the trigger. The island will explode and the VIP’s will die. The games will finally be over.”

Gihun stared at him. “But … what about you? If you are with the VIP’s …”

Inho huffed out a dry laugh. “Don’t pretend to be worried for my safety. I am as much at fault as the VIP’s are. Hell, even more. If it takes my death to end this, once and for all, I will not hesitate.”

Gihun felt ice cold dread wash over him. Why was he feeling this way? This was the man behind the games. The monster he had wanted to kill for three years.
But now…

“Is there any other way?” Gihun asked, hating how vulnerable his voice sounded.

Inho shook his head. “Not if you don’t have a different idea. The trigger needs to be released from inside the control room. There is no way I can make it to the exit in time and you can’t wait for me. Not without risking everyone's life." He smiled bitterly.

Gihun let out a shuddering breath. He hadn’t expected the way his insides knotted together at the thought of Inho’s death.
This man was his enemy. The cause of death for so many.

But…

“I am staying with you,” he heard his own voice say. A bitter grin appeared on his face. “I want to press this button. I need to end it. If you stay alone, something could go wrong and everything continues like it did. I can’t let that happen. And I — I never really expected to get out of this. Not alive.”

Inho stared at him for a long minute. Gihun half expected him to protest but instead the other man stretched out a shaking hand.

After a moment, Gihun took it and slowly shook his hand.

The deal was sealed. They would end the games — together.