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Chapter Text

Dear Diary.
Today was the start of my Senior year of high school. And it was eventful. Cousin Theresa and I walked to school together for the first since I returned from the Shadow Land. My therapist said that I should reconnect with her and the other members of ‘Der Monster Klub’. But I still feel betrayed by them.
That bloody doppelgänger was in my body for nearly the entirety of 10th grade. And they didn’t notice anything. The only people who knew something was wrong were my parents and Randall.

Julian looked down at the page he had just written in his. He wanted to feel anger at everyone, he wanted to be able to spew vitriolic venom onto the page. He wanted his wrath, his sorrow and distain to cover the page. He wished to damn every single last one of them for what they did or what they didn’t do. He wanted to be angry at them for leaving him with a permanent reminder that doppelgänger.

But he didn’t have it in him anymore, if he ever had it in him to begin with. “Randall, please listen to me.” He said to himself. He knew that Randy wasn’t around to hear him. In fact, no one was around to hear him. Tears began to gently flow down his face as the feelings, he had been keeping pent up all day flowed out of him. After a few minutes, his body had fully vented the emotional strain that it was under. Julian venture to the bathroom to wipe away the salt stains that trail across his face.

As he entered the bathroom, what his therapist said reentered his mind. “Julian do you know what eisoptrophobia is?” The fear of mirrors. That’s what he developed after the doppelgänger incident. It was only fairly recently that he was able to look into a mirror by himself without panicking. And for one who cares as deeply about his appearance as Julian being afraid of one’s own reflection brought complications into his daily routine. There were days when he would rush the process over fears of that thing returning. The worst part was how a little bit of that thing remained with him. Every time he looked into the mirror, he would see that strand of hair permanently cursed to be a ghostly white colour.

His new found phobia and the constant nightmares did damage to his social life and schooling. He began to struggle interacting with those he used to. His Klub once a refuge for him and his friends became a reminder of their failure. But just as he reached rock bottom a single hand reached out to help him. And that hand belong to Randy, Randy Cunningham.

-The next day at lunch
“So who wants to play DND at my place this weekend.” Randy said as he sat down in his usual seat. The entirety of Der Monster Klub eagerly agreed to Randy’s proposal, with the sole exception being Julian himself. He was impressed that Randy had managed to fully integrate himself into his friend group. The young man was dashing and kind, being Theresa‘s boyfriend also helped.

“Hello earth to Julian.” The voice came from the annoying redhead across from him, brought Julian back to reality. Julian hated Howard, the redhead had been nothing but a pain in the back ever since kindergarten. “Yes Howard.” Julian had to hold back his desire to scream. “What is on your mind?”

Howard shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing really, it’s just that there’s a robot spider.” Julian turned around to be greeted by a large mechanical beast in the shape of a spider. Julian‘s instincts took over as his subconscious began concocting a plan to guarantee survival. Within a millisecond, his subconscious determined that flop and fawn were of little help to him. He wasn’t a fighter and he wasn’t a runner so his subconscious chose to freeze.

The fear induced paralysis took over his body within a second and not a moment later the machine was carrying him away. The next thing he knew was the feeling cold hard steel colliding with his skin as he was tossed into the back of a truck. He felt safer in the dark, in the dark he didn’t have to worry about the mirrors. Soon the truck’s engine came to life and the vehicle began moving. Julian reached for his pocket which kept his phone, only to be created by an empty pocket. His phone either slipped out or the machine had taken it.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, maybe it was 20 minutes or maybe it was five. But eventually help did arrive. He heard the sounds of metal colliding against metal on the outside of the truck. “Ninja ice balls!” The voice of his saviour was all too familiar. Julian mouthed the name of his saviour, “Randall”.

Soon the sound of an explosion could be heard, then fallowed by a banging on the door. “Julian, are you OK in there?” Julian didn’t respond to the question. “Don’t worry buddy I’ll get you out.” Moments later, the door was opened and the ninja hopped into the truck. “Julian, are you OK?” Randy’s voice was full of concern for his friend.

“I know it’s you Randall.”

The words of Julian hit Randy like a freight train, his pupils expanded for a brief second before he regained his composure and tried to lie his way out of this like he had done many times before. “Randall? Look Julian you must have a concussion because I don’t know who this Randall is. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

“Your name is Randy Cunningham, you were born on August 13th, 1999. We first met in kindergarten, you are dating my cousin Theresa Fowler. And you were one of three people who didn’t bully me for being gay in 8th grade.”

“Julian,” Randy reached out his hand to grab Julian‘s, “smoke bomb!” The two were taking away in a puff of foul smelling orange smoke. When the smoke cleared, they were in the forest. “How did you figure out I was the ninja?” Randy was no longer wearing the mask and was once again in his regular day clothes.

“I’ve always had my suspicions. You were never in the same room as him, Howard and the ninja are far closer than they probably should be. And finally you, me and Howard were the only people in the old gym when I was turned into a monster and you mysteriously disappeared when he arrived.”

Randy was stunned. “You really didn’t fall for the bathroom lie?” Julian just rolled his eyes at his friend’s comment. “I believed it up until the end of grade 10. And ever since then I’ve known you’re the ninja.” The forest, went quiet for a moment as Randy and Julian gazed into each other‘s eyes. “So are you going to use a mind wipe ball on me?”

Randy laughed a bit. “I don’t have one of those things. I could use the book.” Julian began, psychologically, preparing himself for having his memories wiped away. “But Howard has already caused enough problems for me and I haven’t mind wiped him yet so, you’re good.”

“Wait, really?” Julian was flabbergasted by Randy’s nonchalant attitude towards a secret identity being figured out. “Yeah, I trust you enough to be honest. Just promise to keep it a secret.”

Julian’s scowl softened into a smile. “I Julian Heisler promise to keep your secret safe. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Thank you, Julian.” Randy slipped the mask back on to his face. “Now let’s get you home, smoke bomb!”

Dear Diary.
Today was an awfully exciting day. One of those robots tried to kidnap me, but the ninja saved me.
I’ve committed to spending more time with my friends and Randall has become more open to me.
In sort, it was an important day.

Chapter Text

“So six o’clock work for you?” Theresa stood by her boyfriend as the school day came to an end. “Yes it does.” Randy gave her his ‘charming smile’ and she blushed. “Good.” Theresa’s ride pulled up to the front of the school. “I can’t wait to see you at the roller rink tonight.” She said to him before giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“So you’re not coming to my place today?” Howard said, his best friend sudden appearance gave Randy a bit of a surprise. “Yah, sorry about that.”

“It’s because of my sister isn’t it.” Randy nodded his head with a bit of shame. He didn’t want to have to avoid Howard, but Heidi had become a bigger nuisance. Her constant prying into other people‘s business became an actual concern for the residence of the city. “Hey, Howard and Freddy come take a look at this.” Speak of the Devil and he shall appear. Or in this case, she shall appear.

“You two won’t believe the scope I have.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed the two of them an image. It was a photo of Heidi and her friends at the roller rink. “It’s just you and your friends, what’s so special about that?” Howard asked his sister. Randy took a closer look at the image and noticed two familiar faces in the corner. It was Bucky and Pradeep and it looked like they had just kissed.

“You’re not going to post that.” Even though they weren’t friends, Randy still felt the need to stand up for people. Even the ones he had had problems with in the past. “Oh relax, I’ve published worst things in the past.” Heidi clearly didn’t care for what Randy had to say. “You can’t just force someone out of the closet before they’re ready.” Heidi just rolled her eyes at Randy’s comment. “It’s not a big deal, everyone already knows Bucky is gay. And just look at Pradeep.”

Her comments weren’t completely inaccurate. Everyone had their suspicions about Bucky’s sexuality. And Pradeep was definitely on the more feminine than most guys‘s age. “I’m not worried about what happens at school, I can fight for them.” Ever since the end of 10th grade Randy had become very protective of his fellow queer students. This was caused by his realization of his bisexuality and his desire to make sure Julian doesn’t end up like the Sorcerer. “I’m worried about what their families will do.”

“Okay whatevs. Now get in the car Howard.”

-Meanwhile, at McFist’s Industries
“So this machine is basically an arcade arm, but instead of getting a stuffed toy you get one of the residents of hell.” Viceroy rolled his eyes at Hannibal’s overly simplistic description of his machine. “In layman’s terms yes. But to be more accurate, it is supposed to pull someone out of the Shadow Lands.” Viceroy pulled out a large info sheet about the Shadow Lands. “If my year of research and information gained through the surveying efforts of at least 17 Robo-Apes is to be believed, then there should be something important around the area where the portal will open.”

“So we get our ticket to world domination back?” Viceroy smiled and looked into Hannibal’s eyes. “Precisely.”

“Then turn on the machine!” Hannibal shouted as he clenched his mechanical fist with all of its hydraulic strength. Viceroy flicked the power switch and the portal opened. The claw quickly dove into the alternate dimension. With in a minute the made contact with something and began pulling it out. After it had fully pulled out from the Shadow Lands the claw dropped its ‘prize’.

Hannibal didn’t know what to make of the strange site before him “Viceroy is that a woman?” The creature that was lying on the ground had green skin like that of the Sorcerer. However it was clearly a different entity. “Where am I?” The Sorceress looked around the room she now found herself in. It was a while before she regained her bearings.

“So the Sorcerer made a deal with the two of you, he then ended up die when his power ball got locked up and now you and now you want to make the same deal with me.”

“That’s basically it.” Hannibal said. “Well I see no reason to oppose your proposition.” Said the Sorceress. “And I could really go for some revenge.” The old hag release a maniacal laugh. “But I have a few things to mention.”

“Me and Viceroy are all ears.” Hannibal wrapped his arm around Viceroy as he spoke. “First I should warn you that I am not as powerful as the Sorcerer. Second I wish to be given a cushy office job so I may remain in my disguise.” In a puff of pink smoke the Sorceress was transformed into her Amanda Levay form. But instead of appearing to be a teenager, she instead appeared to be a grown woman in her late 20s possibly early 30s. “This will make up for my lesser power by giving me one thing, the sorcerer didn’t have, freedom of movement.” Hannibal eagerly accepted the woman’s offer.

-Later at the roller rink
The song She's Triple 6 by And One played over the speakers as Randy and Theresa had a lovely evening. The couple laughed as they rolled around the rink. “Carful Theresa, I don’t want you twisting your ankle.” Right after Randy said that Theresa collided into another couple. “Gosh are you okay?” Bucky said as he reached out his hand to help Theresa up. Pradeep tried to usher away others from the zone of the collision. The couple had matching bracelets. Pradeep had his on his right hand and Bucky had his on the left.

“Yah I should be fine.” Theresa stood up and brushed some dust off of herself. “And congratulations on coming out. I know it’s never easy.” Bucky was taken by surprise. “How did you know?” Him and Pradeep were clearly worried about something. “Heidi mentioned it in her blog.” A look of pure terror crossed Pradeep’s face. “Are nahin.” ‘Oh no.’ He said under his breath.

Bucky quickly tried to comfort his boyfriend. “Don’t worry, we prepared for this. My parents are okay with you moving in.” Tears welled from Pradeep’s eyes as he read the text his mother had sent him. Bucky’s composure began to melt away as the severity of the situation sunk in. “Everything will be fine, let’s just go clean up.” Bucky helped his boyfriend up and then they meekly walk towards the restroom.

“That bitch.” Even though it was just a whisper, Randy instantly regretted it. He had just called his childhood best friend’s sister a bitch. As this was unfolding, a familiar woman was walking down the street when the sounds of sorrow and stress caught her ear. She smiled a sinister smile and unleashed a fog of pink smoke that began making its way towards the scared couple. Nobody noticed the strange woman the monster was too distracting.

The monster was clearly the stanked forms of Bucky and Pradeep. But they had been fused together just below the chest. Bucky’s legs were fused to get their creating a single left leg. And Pradeep’s legs became the right. The beast struggled to move, the two minds waging an internal battle over dominance. “Randy!” Theresa screamed. “We need to get…” she turned to her side where her boyfriend had been just a moment earlier. All that was left in the spot where he stood was a small orange smudge on the ground.

As the conjoined creature stumbled through the building its path was blocked by the ninja who appeared in his usual puff of smoke. “Look I know what happened, I’ll go deal with Heidi if you just simply calm down.” The mention of the journalist name on the angered them. “Heidi!” It screamed in a scrambled voice. Randy duck and weave through the incoming attacks. As they attempted to crush the ninja, one of Bucky’s eyes wandered off and spotted Theresa. The couple’s wrath now change targets. “Theresa!” The distorted voice of the monster said.

“Ok, what could the two of them hold most dear together.” Randy’s eyes are drawn to the bracelets on each one of their hands. “The relationship bracelets!” Upon realizing what they held in their hearts Randy reached into his pockets and pulled out two throwing stars. “Ninja dual wielding throwing stars!” The two stars slice through each one of their assigned bracelets bringing the monsters rampage to an end.

“Hey guys.” Randy said in his most caring tone possible in an attempt to bring comfort to the two students. “I want you both of you to take it easy for a little bit.” The couple just held onto each other. “Homophobia induced monster transformation, zing.” Bucky‘s joke told Randy that he was no longer at risk of transforming again. “Ok you’re good, now I want you to take Pradeep back to your place.” Bucky nodded his head in agreement. “Good, now smoke bomb!”

Randy left the men’s bathroom and approached his date. “So I’m sorry about leaving you hanging there.” Theresa just stared down at her cup of pop. “Don’t want to talk about it.” Randy immediately recognized what she was feeling, guilt. “What happened wasn’t your fault.” She just huffed at her boyfriend‘s comments. “Can you just walk me home. I need to rest.” The trip back her place was relaxing. Each step away from the roller rink brought her mood up. Just before they went their separate ways Theresa placed a kiss on Randy’s lips. After walking down the block, Randy jumped into the bushes and slipped on the mask.

Heidi was wearing her pyjamas and brushing her teeth when she heard a tap from the window. ‘Just the wind’ she thought to herself. Then it came again, but the tap was more powerful. She tried to avoid looking at the window but soon the tap was heard for a third time. She turned to look at the window and got the surprise of a lifetime. The ninja was staring at her with an instant passion in his eyes. “We need to talk.” He said as she opened the window.

“Do you want to do it live or have it be written?” It took Randy a moment to realize what she meant. “No, I don’t want an interview. I want to talk about what you’ve posted.” She could tell that he was angry with her. “Look they had to come out of the closet eventually.” Her defence was weak enough to be broken without any real effort. “You don’t choose when someone comes out.” The anger in the ninja’s voice made Heidi nervous.

“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” She was starting to lose her composure, her previously calm tone was replaced with a panicked tone. “That got stanked because of your article.”

“Ya right! People haven’t turned into monsters ever since you killed the weird green guy.”

“I didn’t kill him, in fact I have never killed anyone.” Randy was on the verge of shouting, the arrogance this woman displayed was astonishing to him. “Stop being a shoob who shares people stuff.”

“Ugh… I can’t believe you just called me that for doing my job.” The wannabe journalist said in a dismissive tone. It took every fibre in his being not to smack her across the face. “You are not a journalist!” He said shouting at the top of his lungs. “Journalist don’t invade the lives of private individuals. You are a narcissistic privileged bitch.” Heidi stared at him, shocked by the words that came out of the ninja‘s mouth. The moment of silence gave Randy an opportunity to calm himself down. ‘Breathe in and out.’ He thought to himself.

When he continued his lecture, he was as calm as the sea on a sunny Sunday afternoon. “Pradeep got kicked out of his house by his parents! Because they are homophobic shoobs. Not everyone can have a parent as accepting as Mort.” The ninja just left through the window, not even bothering to do his usual smoke bomb routine.

“Heidi, are you OK?” The Voice on the other side of the door was her father’s. “I really think you should listen to the ninja’s advice. You really shouldn’t be poking around other people‘s things.”

“He’s not my father, dad! Now leave me alone!” She pulled out her phone and started a phone call. “Hey Debbie. How’s the investigation into the ninja’s identity going?”

Chapter Text

Friday, September 30
“Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Julian.” ‘Happy Birthday Julian.’ That was the first thing he heard on his 17th birthday. His father almost never spoke German to him. “Danke, Papa.” ‘Thanks dad.’ Julian still remembered basic phrases and had a passable understanding of the grammar in his father‘s native language. He got out of his bed and began his morning routine. He tried his best to avoid looking in the mirror too long as he combed his hair and brushed his teeth. The site of his reflection still unsettled him. Especially that damned white stripe in his hair.

“Joyeux anniversaire.” ‘Happy birthday.’ His mother said, as she gave him a big hug. “Je t'aime maman.” ‘I love you mom.’ He said to her before tossing a breakfast sandwich into the microwave. He watched his breakfast slowly spin around, just as he began to look into the faint reflection of his eyes the microwave stopped and dinged.

After finishing his breakfast, Julian left for school. He felt the cool September breeze through his hair. It still felt off, not wearing his hat every day. “Hey Julian.” His cousin ran up behind him. “Happy birthday.” She told him as she gave him a hug. “Got any plans for tonight?” She wanted his 17th birthday to be the start of something new, and a day to finally later to rest the trauma that started on his 15th. “Just a small get together at my place, just like last year.” Theresa should’ve already known the plans for the party, but she still seemed surprised. “You don’t have any plans for the party?” Julian just shook his head. “No we don’t.” He was never a social butterfly, so his parties were never of a size to require some larger preparations. With the solid exception being his 15th.

And nobody wanted a repeated of his 15th.

First, second and third periods all went smoothly. There was no teasing, mocking or bullying to be found. The monster attack the other night put every single last student on their best behaviour. Soon lunch came around, and he sat down with the rest of his friends. “Happy Birthday man.” Dave said as he sat down next to his longtime friend. “Thank you Dave. You’ve all been quite charming today.”

“It is your birthday so it’s the least we could do.” Juggo said in between bites of mashed potatoes. “You’ll totally think the presents Randy got you is the cheese.” Howard spoke with enthusiasm. The red head had warmed up to Julian over the past year. He still would likely never be a close friend, but he was no longer actively referring to Julian as ‘Lord Creepy’. But Julian couldn’t shake the feeling that Howard was only doing it for Randy, and was still a little bit annoying.

A thought suddenly popped into Julian’s brain. “Does anyone know where Randall is?”

-Meanwhile, on the school’s football field
“Aah!” Randy yelled as he got kicked across the field by a robot. The mechanical monstrosity resemble a football player crossed with an elephant. “Gah!” Randy said, as the machine struck him in the gut with its trunk. “I think I’m gonna hurl.” Even though the attacks nearly knocked him out, Randy still had enough strength to block the blows of the incoming trunk. “Ninja metal balls!” The tiny little balls rolled under the robot’s feet, but barely slowed down. The balls just simply sunk into the earth under the machine’s weight.

The machine went in for yet another blow which Randy dodged before slicing off the trunk. In response to the machine, began to close the distance between Randy and itself. Leaving the soft soil and entering under the hard concrete. He tossed yet another rolling ball, but it was unsuccessful. This time they shattered beneath its weight. “What the juice did Viceroy make you out of!” He screamed in frustration.

As the beast began to charge Randy had fallen back to the other side of the street, this is where he would make his stand. He prepared to deflect a below that never came as the machine broke through the asphalt and fell into the sewer. The machine’s weight prevented it from climbing out of the hole, and Randy prevented it from running by tossing dozens of sticky balls at it. “Tangu fireball!” He shouted as he summoned a blast of fire. The sticky substance inside of the balls quickly burst into flames on contractor with the fireball.

The fumes from the sewer kept the fire burning as the machine desperately tried to escape its trap. But the fire weakened the middle enough to where its defensive properties with no longer be effective. And with one strong strike from the katana, the beast was slain.

-Later at Julian’s home.
“Happy Birthday Julian!” The crowd all said in unison. Dave pulled out his Accordion and began to play Happy Birthday. Randy and Theresa tried their best to sing for him. His parents brought out a delicious looking cake. It had beautiful white creamy icing and the actual cake part was a deep dark chocolate flavour. The text on it was written in velvet red icing which read ‘Julian’.

When Dave finished playing Julian spoke up. “Thank you all for coming here today. You’re all the best friends I could ever ask for.” The birthday boy smiled as he delivered his speech.

After they finished eating cake, it was time to for Julian to open up his presents. The first one was from Howard, the gift was a high quality set Tarot cards. “Oh my goodness. These are very lovely.” Julian said as he examined the cards. Theresa passed Julian her present, Julian pulled the wrapping paper away to reveal a book about the history of stage performing magicians. “This will be fun to read.” He said, as he skimmed through the content of the book.

The gift from Juggo was a bat shaped hair clip. “I figured that you would want something stylish to wear.” Julian gave his friend a hug. “It’s lovely.” Dave gave Julian his present next, at first it seemed like a regular cardboard box. But then he opened it. “Oh my.” Julian said as he pulled out a set of 20 Night Lords themed D6s. The second thing in the box was a high quality set of dice for DnD. And lastly the box also had a set of ten D10 dice themed around Vampire: The Masquerade.

Randy was the last one to give his gift to Julian. “Happy Birthday Julian.” Randy passed his friend a kennel with a kitten in it, the cat was a British Shorthair with blueish fur. “This is marvellous!” Tears of joy dripped down Julian‘s face as the kitten leaped into his arms. “I’m going to call him Talos.” The kitchen purred at the mentioning of its new name. “I think he likes it.” Said Randy. Julian gently petted Talos. The kitten adored the affection Julian was giving it. “Randall, did you tell this is my parents about this?”

“Don’t worry.” Randy said with confidence. “I talk to your parents about this.” Julian turns to his father and mother, Mr. Heisler nodes his hand. “Your friend, me and your mother got you everything else you would need.” His Austrian accent was thicker than what the guests had expected. “Now let’s go get the litter box set up.” Then one by one each guest left. First Dave, then Juggo. Soon Theresa would depart from the party fallowed shortly by Howard. Leaving Randy as the final guest remaining. The two young men spent their time waiting for Randy’s parents by playing with Talos.

But even that would come to an end when Randy‘s mom finally came to pick him up, leaving Julian alone again. Julian then brought Talos up to his room. Showing the kitten where his resting place was. “Good night, Talos.” He said as he rubbed the kitten’s head. Yeah, Julian couldn’t shake off a strange feeling. There was something bothering the cat. It seemed to be fixated on the small mirror covered by a cloth in Julian‘s room. Julian took a deep breath and prepared for the worst, but to his surprise there was nothing unusual about his reflection. And Talos seemed to have calmed down. “Haha.” Julian‘s laugh was his typical weird laugh. “I guess we both have problems with mirrors.”

Julian then slipped on his pyjamas and curled into bed. He didn’t even notice the weird blue light coursing through the veins on his right hand. But Talos did, and Talos saw more than just that.

Chapter Text

“So Viceroy, Amanda and Mort.” Hannibal was sitting in his CEO chair as he spoke to his inner circle over a video call. “The ninja.”

“The ninja.” said Viceroy in his higher pitch voice.

“The ninja.” Amanda said in a tone that brought to mind the phrase ‘hell have no fury like a woman scorned’.

“Yah, the ninja.” Mort had no idea why he was here. But he really needed the promotion, being a single father was rough on him and his family.

It was Hannibal‘s turned to speak again. “So does anyone have any idea on how to kill him?” The CEO paused for a moment as he took a sip of coffee. “Because the robots and monsters aren’t working and I don’t feel like blowing up the town.” He paused. “Well I don’t feel like blowing up the town because of this. If another zombie outbreak happens I’m totally going to nuke it.”

“Viceroy.” Amanda hissed. “How are the chemical weapons coming along?” The scientist sighed. “The results are currently, well I should just read them to you.” He pulled out a large pile of paper and began to read through their results. “The Alpha-Gas killed 25% of test subjects, and only enabled possession in 5%. The others were unaffected.” He flipped the page. The Beta-Gas killed 55% of those who were exposed, but it did allow possession in 35% of subjects.”

“Woh, that is bad.” Said Mort. “Can’t we go for something more normal. Like an assassin or a spy?” Hannibal‘s eyebrow perked up at the suggestion. “An assassin would be perfect. I am a genius!” The man shouted in glee. “Now Viceroy I want you to go ask all your buddies from Mad Scientist University about where they get their muscle from.” Viceroy smiled. “I’m on it sir.” He then left the call.

“So I’m off to get lunch.” Hannibal said before ending the call. A few hours had passed by when the call was resumed. “I think I found something that you could use.” Viceroy was clearly very proud of the discovery he had made. “Go on and show us the tea… that’s what the kids are saying nowadays. Right?” Viceroy paid no attention to Hannibal‘s desperate attempt to feel young. Instead, he invited a new person to the call.

The caller was a blond man in his mid to late 50s. “Schönen Tag.” ‘Good day to you.’ The man gave off a feeling of fear that made Mort want to leave the meeting. But before he could do anything, the man began to speak again. “I take it that you’re McFist Industries?”

“Yes we are.” Hannibal said with enthusiasm. “Good, I am Konrad Krenz. I was a member of the NVA up until the fall of the Berlin wall. And I am a what you may call a revenant, but I prefer the term Sin-Eater.” The man snapped his fingering and a shadowy being manifested next to him. “This is Víðarr, he is a Wraith and the source of my other worldly powers. To put it in biological terms we’re in a mutualistic symbiotic relationship.”

“So you have a shadow pet?” Asked Mort. Konrad scoffed at the word pet. “Don’t be insulting to him. He is stronger than anyone in this call.” Amanda rolled her eyes at the showboating. “Why don’t you give us a demonstration of his power?”

“Haha, that’s what I wanted to hear. Víðarr, schlag.” The wraith immediately went on the offensive. Knocking down a tree with only a single ‘hit’ from its ghostly fist. “Zerquetschen!” It began to ‘crush’ the tree. “Scheibe!” The wraith started to ‘slice’ the tree into pieces. Konrad was clearly enjoying what he was doing. “Loch.” He said as Víðarr tour open a ‘hole’ in the ground. “A hole really. That’s your grand final.” Hannibal said disappointed. Konrad just smiled as a vortex formed in the hole. “I hope you found this test satisfactory.”

Hannibal smiled. “You’re hired.”

Later that night the high school’s history teacher would have an unfortunate accident, he survived, but a replacement would have to be found. And Principal Slimovitz was disappointed with the applicants. “Let me see here?” He said, as he looked through the long list of dissatisfaction. “No, nope, not in a heartbeat. Why are all the replacements so horrible!”

The Principal then heard a knock on the door. “Come in.” The door opened to reveal a man with blond hair. “I heard you need a history teacher.” The Stranger, handed Irving a resume. “Well you aren’t on any lists and the last person I hired was a hillbilly who turned into a monster in less than 10 hours. So you got the job.” The principal extended his hand towards the stranger. “When do I start?” The man asked.

“In about 45 minutes.” Said the principal.

The first period bell rang out as Debbie sat down in her class. “I can’t believe they already found a replacement for Mr. Sergeant.” Julian said to Debbie. “I just hope he’s not another freak like that Catfish guy.” She said to Julian. The new teacher then burst through the door. “Good morning. I am Konrad Krenz, but you may call me Mr. Krenz.” The teacher wrote his name on the chalkboard. “Now I will carry out the class ritual of attendance, because I am a responsible teacher.” This man was giving Julian the creeps. “Now, is Debbie Kang in attendance?” She raised her hand and the teacher marked her down as present. This continued until he came across Julian. “Julian Heisler, Heisler? Sind Sie Deutscher?” ‘Are you German?’

The teacher’s question caught Julian off guard. “Mein Vater ist Österreicher.” ‘My father is Austrian.’ Mr. Krenz shrugged his shoulders. “Good enough for me.” The class continue as normal with a fairly boring lecture from the teacher. The only thing unusual was is treatment of Julian and his request for Debbie to speak with him at the end of the day. By lunchtime, he realized the ninja wouldn’t just appear for no reason. He needed a monster or robot attack. Víðarr immediately got to work, it proud the school, looking for the perfect person to humiliate.

Eventually, finding a random student and decided to humiliate him in front of his crush. Víðarr tied his shoelaces together in less than a second causing the student to fall to the ground. The student’s cries caught the attention of Amanda who was enjoying her cushy office job. She could taste the pain that was now flowing through the city’s pipes and ventilation systems. “Fresh meat.” The woman then sent out a cloud of putrid smelling pink smoke.

“Graw!” The stanked student said as he was transformed into a large slug like monster. “That is nasty.” Konrad was repulsed by what the student had become. A student who had been covered in the disgusting slime of the creature, crawled up to Konrad to get into his own locker to hide. “Hey kid, how long does it take for the ninja to normally show up?” The student looked up at the teacher. “30 seconds.” He said to Konrad.

And like clockwork the ninja appeared from a cloud of orange smoke. Now Konrad just had to observe the ninja’s fighting style, he always got a better feeling of someone’s capabilities in person. “Oh you’re probably a freshman and this your first time being stanked.” ‘The ninja was either an idiot or a teenager’ Konrad thought to himself. No one above the age 20 would waste time trying to speak with this student. “I just need to break your junk and you’ll be…” the student lunged at the ninja with great speed. “Ninja slide to the left!” The masked warrior said as he dodged the incoming attack.

“Hey teacher, are you going to run or just honkin' stand there?” Konrad was taken aback by the ninja directly addressing him. But man took a few steps back and just observed from a distance. “Ok that’s better…” the student tackled the ninja covering him with its slime. “I thought you would be better than this ninja, you are quite the shoob.” Konrad was pretty sure he used the word correctly. The ninja quickly brought his sword down on the student’s necklace destanking him. “They we go, I want you to take a breather for a moment.” The ninja said to the student. “I’ve got a teacher to talk with.” The ninja turned to look at the teacher was but the man vanished, which was weird. Because there was no way for him to escape the corner. He was in without entering the combat zone.

A few moments after the final bill of the day, rang Konrad heard a knocking on his door. “It’s unlocked.” He said before Debbie entered the room. “Why did you wish to speak with me?” The teacher smiled. “Well we both share a particular interest, I’ve read your blog posts and I can see that you have a fascination with the ninja’s identity.” She just shrugged her shoulders at his comment. “Yah, a lot of people do.” Konrad shook his head. “What you say is true, but you are the only one actively trying to unravel the mystery of the ninja. You don’t just want to know who he is. You want to be the one who finds out.” Debbie was impressed by her new teacher’s intuition. “Wow, that was on the spot Mr. K. But why do you have a fascination with his identity?”

Debbie wasn’t aware that with every word she spoke, she felt deeper into his trap of manipulation. “Well I’m just worried about his capabilities. You have to admit that today was not his best performance.” Debbie couldn’t help but agree with his concerns. The ninja did often make mistakes that put the lives of others in jeopardy. “Ever since I was a little boy I’ve been fascinated by these Hometown heroes. I have spent my adult years working to make them stronger and build a team. Think of it like a real justice league.”

Every single resident of this town knew that there are things out there stronger than even the sorcerer. “I like the idea.” She said. “But what does that have to do with his identity. Couldn’t you just approach him?” Konrad had to quickly come out with an explanation. “Well I need to know the man beneath the suit. I need to know if he’s a good team player.” Debbie found that to be reasonable. “So what do you want me to do?”

“I just need access to your research.” Debbie extended her hand towards her teacher. “Deal.”

When Konrad returned home from work, he began a voice call with his employers. “Konrad way isn’t the ninja dead.” Hannibal was clearly annoyed by the fact that the masked menace was still alive. “Easy there Hannibal, these type of things take time.” Konrad took a sip of brandy. “I could kill the ninja the moment I see him, but then all eyes would be drawn on me and by extension you.” Hannibal was confused. “How would you killing him be connected back to me?” Konrad pulled out a piece of paper. “Notice how all recommendations on this resume relate back to you.“ Hannibal quickly read over the resume. “Darn it, Viceroy! I why didn’t you tell me about this possibility!”

“I did sir, you just didn’t listen.” Viceroy’s sass hit a nerve in Hannibal. “Ok Mr assassin, how do you plan on killing the ninja?” A dark and evil grin spread across the face of Konrad. “I simply plan to kill the man beneath the mask.“

“That’s actually what we’ve been trying to do as well.” Hannibal‘s mood completely shifted. “Well take all the time you need to figure out who the ninja is.” The meeting came to an end and Konrad was left in his room with an evil smile on his face. “Viel Glück, Ninja. Du wirst es brauchen.”

‘Good luck, Ninja. You're going to need it.’

Chapter Text

There was something off about Julian. Over the last few days he had become more skittish and avoided touching things with his hands. His one lively hand jesters had ceased all together. And Randy was getting nervous. “I really think I should talk to him.” Randy said to Howard. Howard just rolled his eyes and kept playing the arcade game. “Howard this is important.” Once again no reaction from his redheaded friend. “Ok I just going to speak with him.”

Randy hoped on his bike and travel to Julian‘s house. He told Julian‘s father that he was just here to visit his friend. “Yulian has been a little crazy lately.” He said to Randy. “Don’t worry Mr. Heisler I’ll speak with him about it.” Randy then went up the stairs and knocked on Julian‘s room. “Hey Julian, it’s me.” The door open slightly and a hand beckoned Randy inward. “So I heard that you are dealing with something.” Randy spoke with a soft and caring voice. Julian wasn’t wearing his usual purple suits. Instead, he wore a light and dark purple striped T-shirt. The bat hair clip was where he’s usual bow would be found. “I think it would be best to just show you.” The goth boy said as he clenched his fist with all his strength. Then when he released the grip a small flame appeared in his hand.

“Wow Julian that’s the most bruce thing ever!” Randy quickly realized that was the wrong reaction. “I thought you always wanted real magic?” Julian blow out the flame and sighed. “I did always want real magic. Until he showed up.” Julian was trying his best to hold back his tears. Randy wrapped his hands around Julian‘s. “I’m sorry that I reminded you of him.“ Randy gave his friend a few moments to let his emotions out.

After Julian entered a more stable state, Randy pulled out the Nomicon. “Julian I want you to look into this book when I open it OK.” Julian thought the question was weird, but he nodded his head in agreement. Randy then opened the ancient book, and both of their consciousness were pulled into the pages. Julian found himself in a world made of paper and ink. “Randall, where are we?” He said as he moved slightly closer to his friend. “We are in The Ninja Nomicon, a book that is 800 years old.” It was clear to Julian that Randy had a decent amount of experience in this realm.

“Ok Nomicon do you have to have something about Julian‘s condition?” A hallway appeared before them with a sign above it reading “lore of magic”. The two venture down the hallway, looking at the exhibits on display. ‘Sorcerer’ was the title of the very first exhibit. The display featured an all too familiar looking green man. “A Sorcerer is a person who cannot make their own Magia.” The display changed and began showing the man holding a pearl of chaos. “So they must find alternative sources of Magia.”

The next exhibits had two people in it. Both boys were shocked by who was there. “It’s you and Mr. K!” Julian said. Randy looked up and read the title of the display. ‘Warlock’ it said. “A warlock cannot produce their own Magia, but instead of harvesting it from the environment they instead make a deal with a being that can produce it for them entering into a mutualistic relationship.” The figure that looked like Randy slipped on the ninja mask and the one that looked like Mr. K had a ghostly face appear behind him.

They quickly came across the next exhibit. “I think we found what we were looking for.” Randy said with a smirk. ‘Wizard’ was the title and the figure in the display looked exactly like Julian, the two then read the text. “A Wizard can produce their own Magia. This gives them a greater range of abilities compared to ether warlock or a Sorcerer.”

“Well, now that we know what you are we can find a way to work with it.” Randy said before he let Julian to the exit. In their rush to leave, the two boys didn’t even notice the final exhibit. ‘Rune Priest’ was the title, and its display featured a familiar looking redneck with a tiny magic sack.

The two of them awoke to Talos crawling all over them. Julian gave the cat affection by petting it as Randy spoke. “Now we just have to figure out a way to control your power.” Julian turn to look at his friend. “Randall do you know where you would find that kind of information?” It took about a second before Randy realized his small blender. “I probably should’ve done that before leaving the book. Well good thing I can just enter and exit whenever I feel like it.” Randy opened the book and fell into unconsciousness as Julian avoided looking at its pages.

As he waited for Randy to reemerge, Julian‘s mind was turned to the thought of his new teacher. He began to wonder why of all people his teacher was in the warlock section and why was there a shadow behind him? “Fallow the Redneck that’s always by thy side.” Randy blurted out as he regain consciousness. Talos did not take the sudden noise very well, and he ended up scampering under the bed. “Does the book always give you nonsense like that?” Asked Julian.

“That was one of its more coherent messages.” Randy put the book away into his backpack. “And I think I know who it is talking about.” Julian raised an eyebrow. “I wouldn’t call Howard a redneck.” Randy just laughed at the comment. “Funny, but you aren’t completely off. Redneck is an old term for a ginger. And have you noticed how there’s always a ginger stocking around the school and town.” Julian began to look through his memories and realized Randy was uncomfortably, correct. Even back in kindergarten that ginger haired man could be seen. “I don’t know who the creep is but I think he has the answer to our questions.” Randy said with excitement.

“So how do we find him?” Julian asked. “I don’t know where he is Julian. But he seems to show up randomly. So we’ll have to be patient.” The two of them then went down to the arcade. They then went to the mall and the lake. Really they just wandered around town looking for the Creep. “Randall, do you have any idea where we are supposed to be going?” Randy turn to look at his friend. “I told you we have to be patient.” The two of them then entered the park. Julian wished he could be able to just lay beneath the trees for a moment. “Ok, but can we at least do something productive at the places we go to?”

“That would take too much…” Randy’s lecture was cut off by Julian‘s squeal of joy. “Is that him!” Julian was pointing at a redhead with a beard and cowboy hat. And he was just casually sitting on a park bench. “Don’t worry I’ll speak with him.” Randy said with confidence. He then approached the man with an assertive stride. When he reached the Creep, the Creep just tipped his hat like he always does. Randy then cleared his throat and began to speak in his most assertive voice possible. “Good day sir, me and my friend are in a predicament. And we require your assistance.”

This illusion of a calm and cool young adult was broken by Julian‘s first words to the man. “I’ve been cursed by my doppelgänger!” Julian grab the man by his shirt’s collar and began to shake him. “Can you calm down?” The Creep was unusually calm about being shaken by a panic teenager. “Wow you can actually talk.” The Creep rolled his eyes at Randy’s comment. “I’m a man of few words.” He gently pushed Julian off himself. “Now meet me tomorrow at my house by the bus depot.” He then simply got up and walked away.

For the entirety of the next day, both boys were completely on edge. But eventually, the time came and they went to the meeting place. The man was sitting on his porch, drinking a cup of coffee when he noticed the two approaching. He tilted his hat and patted the seats next to him. When both of them were seated, the Creep began to speak. “So I have a feeling that this young man,” he pointed to Julian “knows your secret and got all messed up because of your actions.” Randy confirmed the man’s allegations. “So are going to make me take the ultimate lesson?” The Creep shook his head. “Not yet you still have work to do. And I’ve let worse transgressions pass before. Like you showing your face to that kid named Howard.”

Randy was shocked by the Creep knowing about that. “How do you know that… actually let’s just focus on Julian.” The Creep simply smiled and pulled out a book. “This is for Julian. And Randy your punishment for breaking several rules is to be responsible for him.”

“That is surprisingly reasonable.” Said Randy as him and Julian got up to leave. “Before you go I want you to remember that I am always watching.” Randy turned around to look at a man, but his seat was empty and his coffee cup was gone. “Well he definitely earned the title of Creep, hehe.” Julian‘s laugh was as unnerving as ever. Julian and Randy then went home. “Well Randy today was, a day.” Julian was still trying to process everything that had happened. “I’m just glad I was able to help you, and I’m sorry that I dragged you into this whole mess to begin with.”

When they finally reached Julian‘s house, the goth gave his friend a hug before heading inside. He then began his evening routine of brushing his teeth and cleaning the litter box. Julian then crawled underneath his blankets and began to read the Arcane Journal.

“The Lore of Forces, also known as Pyromancy is the practice of transferring energy. Be that in the form of motion, combustion or discharge. A skilled practitioner is able to remove the heat from a person‘s body with just a snap of a finger or if they so wish burst a man into flames.”

“The Lore of Prime, also called astromancy is a series of practises ranging from future sight, mind and correspondence. The most powerful practitioners have been able to achieve feats such as time travel and flight.”

“The Lore of Beasts is based upon the utilization of the life force within all living beings. Those who partake in this school of magic gain control of anything within the kingdom Animalia.”

Julian was disappointed by the lack of power so to say in this school of magic. He considered just skipping this section outright, but he decided to tough it out and fully read it.

“A select few petitioners have even managed to take the practice further by utilizing chaos magic. The process of devolution is based around unleashing the inner beast found within all life. The practice of Sarcostechen. Those daring enough to participate in it are able to craft horrific abominations from the flesh of mortal men. Both of those practises are only possible because of chaos magic.”

“The Lore of Mater, more often known as alchemy is the practice of manipulating matter. Practitioners have been able to turn lead into gold, water into wine and build elaborate contraptions with ease.”

“The Lore of Shadows, simply known as Obfuscate involves the manipulation of shadows and darkness. Those particularly gifted are even able to form weapons from darkness itself.”

“The Lore of Life revolves around the processes by which life maintains its own existence and the interactions between souls and the mortal world. With the use of life magic wounds can be healed and the souls of the dead restored to their former bodies. Users of the school of magic are also able to control and communicate with Eukaryote organisms not part of the kingdom Animalia.”

“The Lore of Death, Necromancy is the only true schools of magic to be banned. It is the process by which the dead can be brought to unlife. This state of being is not true life. True life requires a soul, and without this vital component all that is remains is a hollow shell.”

“The Lore of Chaos is not true magic as it does not come from Magia. Instead it seep through the veil of reality from a place with many names. Some call it Tartarus, Gehenna, Naraka, Náströnd and the shadowland. Chaos makes true magic stronger, but at a severe cost. It breaks down the human until the practitioner is nothing but a hollow shell motivated by anger, hatred and a desire for power.”

Julian close the book and placed it inside a secret box underneath his bed. He had to give his mind time to process all the information. And he soon found it difficult to keep his eyes open as his body drifted into slumber.

Chapter Text

To day it was Norrisville High’s biannual science fair. We’re all freshmen enrolled in a science class would put their ingenuity to use to demonstrate the most scientific thing they can create. Unfortunately, most were not particularly gifted. The gymnasium was filled with the same few experiments that every student would resort to when they didn’t have any better ideas. Papier-mâché volcanoes, potato batteries, that one where you use vinegar to turn an egg into a bouncy ball. Really it was nothing special. Except today one student named Dean Patrick Weiss had a very special display.

“Ok D.P. show us what your project is.” Principal Slimovitz said as he prepared to give another barely passing grade to a student. “Well Mr. Slimovitz, I’m sure you’ll find my project more interesting and thought out than the others.” Dean Patrick Weiss was an unusual student. He insisted everyone call him by Dean Patrick and that he was the most capable student the school had seen in years. He was also a complete loaner. No one had ever seen him with another human being within 5 feet of him. His chestnut brown curly hair was drier than a bone and he often smelled of garlic and onions. Then there was his quite literal ginger neck beard and the pitiful hair growing over his top lip which vaguely resembled a moustache.

“From the trenches of Europe I present chloramine gas!” Principal Slimovitz nearly shit his pants at what he just heard. “Your science fair project is a chemical weapon.” Dean Patrick nodded his head. “Yes it is. I was also tempted to show off my knowledge of napalm, but it didn’t really fit the world war one theme I was going for.” Principal Slimovitz quickly gave the project a B+. “Yah I’ll be back in five.” The principal, then slowly began backing away from Dean Patrick. “I can also work with metal if that will help improve my grade.” The student said as Slimovitz left the gym.

-5 minutes later, outside the school
“So I feel like going out to night.” Theresa said to Randy. “Going out to a movie would be nice.” Randy said to his girlfriend. She then gave him a kiss on the cheek and went her separate way eagerly awaiting the evening. “I got a feeling that tonight’s going…” Randy’s monologue was cut off by the sound of sirens. He quickly jumped into action by leaping into the bushes and sliding on the mask.

When he jumped out of the bush, Randy saw a swat team with gas masks entering the school. He just watched as they confiscated the science fair project and handcuffed Dean Patrick. “Thank you officers now please put him in my office. I really need to speak with his parents.” The officer agreed with the principle’s request and tried to place Dean Patrick in the office. “You’ll never take me alive you pigs!” The handcuffed student said before running off to somewhere else in the building. Randy just placed his hand on his forehead and sighed. “Don’t worry officer I’ll go find him.” Randy really didn’t want to have the deal with this today, but it was his duty as the ninja to stop crazy people from doing crazy things.

Dean Patrick found a hiding place in some forgotten maintenance room. It was cold, moist and very dark, but he at least didn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. His mom would be pissed for what he did. Not only had he scared nearly scared the life out of his principle, but he had also wasted police resources over a fake chemical weapon threat. “All I did was show how to make the gas. It wasn’t that bad.” He began to cry and a soorcerersess heard him.

“Well that’s what I’ve been waiting for.” She said as a cloud of pink smoke began flowing from her hands into the vent of her office. A minute later, the smoke found its home in the body of Dean Patrick. He soon felt his body twisting as it grew in size. He could feel his bones break and reform as his feet turned to hooves. “What is wrong with me!” His scream turned to a ghastly roar. He felt bull horns burst from his skull as his beard grew in size until it could cover his whole body. When his transformation was finished, he said to work on crafting his next projector to demonstrate his intelligence.

After around 30 minutes the swat team had left the building and Randy had gone back to being a normal high school student. He looked around campus until he found Howard sitting under a tree playing a game on his phone. “So that crazy guy tried to gas the school huh?” Howard said when he saw Randy. “I didn’t get any strange feelings when around his project so maybe?” Randy sat down next to his friend. “I’m just trying to focus on my date tonight.”

“Ah! Not my car!”

“Shoot.” Randy quickly went ninja and began approaching the source of the scream. The monster was destroying Slimovitz’s car and it was attempting to steal some of the cars internal components. Mostly the piping that went from the muffler to the engine. “So I guess that you’re a freshman.” The monster turned to face Randy and attempted to attack him using a plank of wood it had stolen from the shop class. “Ninja tripping balls.” Randy scattered a handful of balls onto the concrete, causing the monster to slip and fall down.

Randy quickly tided the monster up using his scarf. “Now new guy, we can do this two different ways. First you calm down and just let that pink stank out of your body.” He poked the monster in the abdomen to emphasize his point. “Or I wreck your stuff. So which will it be?”

“Nether!” The monster broke free from the cloth that bound it. “Ninja no match for my mech skills.” The monster’s hands turned a bright red as it began to reshape the metal pipe. Within moments, the pipe had been reformed into a far sturdier design. “Now the stock.” It began cutting the plank of wood into a more comfortable and easy to hold shape. It then slapped the plank and pipe together. “I’m pretty sure that the handle should be made out of wood and the head is supposed to be metal.” Randy prepared himself to block any incoming attacks. “This no axe.” The monster pulled out of container which had been stolen from the chemist lab out of his back pocket. A black powder poured from the container in to the pipe.

The monster then grab a handful of nuts and bolts and shoved them into the pipe. “Wait is that a…” Randy was cut off by the bang from the weapon firing. The nuts and bolts went flying into a tree, ripping it to shreds. “That’s a honking blunderbuss!” The creature smiled and ran off into the woods. He quickly pursued the creature following its trail of hairs from its beard.

After several hours of tracking the beast, Randy lost its trail. And to add insult to injury, he was late for his date. And not just laid by half an hour, but an entire movie. Theresa was pissed. “Where were you?” She yelled at him. “I was worried sick about you!” Randy didn’t have anything to say in his defence. He could tell her the whole truth, but she likely wouldn’t have believed him anyway. Many guys at the school had tried to use the ‘I’m the ninja’ pick up line to get girls. “Was the movie at least good?” His voice was meek.

“It would have been better if you were here.” She then left the movie theatre and got in her mom‘s car.

-Meanwhile, in the woods
Dean Patrick still ran through the woods. He wanted a place where he could work in peace. He knew that he would win the science fair and all will be forgiven if he was able to build more machinery. “D.P. do you hear me?” Dean Patrick froze, the voice was bothering inuring and ominous. “I just want to speak with you.” Dean Patrick’s body began to move forward against his own will. “You’re a very smart student and I have a way to put that brain of yours to use.”

He soon found the source of the voice, a puddle. The small bit of water couldn’t be more than 3 inches deep and a square foot in diameter. Dean Patrick stared at his monstrous reflection in the water. It was truly revolting. His neck beard was covered in dirt and grime. His once emerald green eyes had become the same sickly yellow colour that all monsters shared.

Just before he would begin to cry, she appeared in the reflection of the water. “Don’t worry D.P. I’ll give you everything you’ll need to prove how smart you are.” She was speaking to him through a mirror in her office. He would also be the perfect vector to release Viceroy’s Chaos-Stink as the mad scientist had started to call it. Soon a hovercraft appeared over head and dropped some supplies off. Dean Patrick then began to work. He spent all night tinkering with various pieces of machinery, assembling new contraptions to bring down the ninja and anyone who would oppose him.

But the best laid plans of witchs and monsters often go awry. One simple component was missing from the stockpile. A propellant for the gas was no where to be found. Dean Patrick had no other choice aside from going out and finding it himself.

-Start of the school day
“So you blow your date and let the monster get away?” Randy looked at Howard with shame. “Yah, I really did drop the ball.”

“Ah!” The two of them turned to see Bucky running down the hallway screaming. “It’s Dean Patrick! He’s stealing everybody’s hair spray, spray on deodorant and spray cans of paint!” Randy used the distraction caused by Bucky to slip away and ‘go ninja’ as Howard would say.

“Smoke bomb!” The orange cloud appeared behind Dean Patrick as the monster ripped the locker doors off. “Ninja.” The monster’s voice sounded like his vocal cords were covered with mucus. “Ninja you need more iron in your diet. Let me help you.” Dean Patrick told the Ninja before pulling out his blunderbuss that he made the day before.

“Oh boy.” Randy quickly found a way to avoid the attack. “Ninja flash balls.” Dean Patrick was blinded by the bright flashes. His weapon was nearly useless without the ability to see. Dean Patrick had to rely on his hearing until his sight would return, he slowed his breathing and tried listening for the sound of footsteps.

With in a second he could hear lightning fast footsteps from his left side. He waited until the sound was closer before twisting his body to the left and firing his weapon. Randy was luck that Dean Patrick had slower reflexes than the average guy his age. Most of the metal in the shot punched through the locker doors and got stuck in the concrete wall. But some of the metal hit its target. Half of Randy’s left foot was completely destroyed and his right had lost its toes.

Randy got behind cover and used his healing hands to repair the damage to his feet. By the time the damage was repaired, Dean Patrick had fled into the woods. “This week is just not your week, ninja.” Principal Slimovitz said before Randy just smoke bombed away.

Randy sat down in the bathroom. “Ok Nomicon, you must have something about ranged combat.” His mind was mainly brought into the book and he found himself in an open field with targets all around him. He saw a box that sat before him. “Well what do we have here.” He opened the box to find two black powder pistols. “A little old school, but still sweet!”

Bang Bang! The shots from the pistols were loud and punchy. The recoil was a bit more than Randy was expecting, but he would get used to it overtime. Reloaded on the other hand would have been a completely different ordeal, if not for the suits properties. Randy was able to reload just by simply putting them away into whatever sort of pocket dimension the suit has. Then he would just pull them out again and they would be completely loaded. “Ok let’s see what else there is in this box.” He pulled out a crossbow with the name ‘Avelyn’ carved into its side. The crossbow had three separate laths each one was drawn and ready to fire an arrow. The thwack of the laths firing was satisfying.

“This is so bruce!” Randy was like a kid in a candy factory. “Ok box, show me the good stuff.” He pulled out an English longbow and a quiver full of special arrows. Each arrow roughly corresponded with a different type of ball the suit had. Randy fired a hot arrow and watched it explode into fire on contact. He then pulled out an old air rifle. The gun looked like a conventional hunting rifle, but with a lever that pumped air into the pneumatic system in the stock. It took Randy a moment before actually figuring out how to work the pump. But when he finally figured it out, he was able to pump it fairly efficiently. The weapon could only store nine ball bearings in its internal magazine. It was chambered in 15 mm. “This feels like overkill.” He said as he prepared to fire the weapon.

There was a hiss as the gas pushed out the ball bearing, and it went flying towards the target. Completely smashing straight through and hitting another one just behind it. It could fire according to the instruction manual found right beside it at about 78 RPM. Randy noticed there was one weapon left inside the box. “I hope you saved the best for last.” The gun was a seven-barrelled flintlock smoothbore volley gun.

He took a deep breath, aimed the gun and prepared to fire. The recoil was going to be insane, so he began preparing himself for it and counting down from ten to one.

“Ten.” He relaxed his muscles reducing random muscle twitches.

“Nine, eight, seven.” He aimed for the target.

“Six, five, four.” He tightened his grip.

“Three.” He took a deep breath.

“Two.” He placed his finger in the trigger.

“One!” He pulled the trigger and felt the large fireball from the Flintlock mechanism scrape his face as the seven barrels fired in unison. The kickback of the recoil was enough to send him flying into the air, through other pages and back into reality.

“Fuck that hurts.” Randy spent the rest of the night crying from the pain, just letting it all out of his system.

By the start of the next day Gene Levine was working on repairing the damage to the walls caused by Dean Patrick’s rampage. “Intentional students.” Principal Slimovitz spoke over the intercom. “All homeroom teachers are responsible for distributing gas masks to students. If they don’t have a mask that fits you, just go home.”

“We really don’t want to be held liable for any injuries.”

Howard turned to look at Randy. “Have you figured out a plan yet?” Randy smiled at his friend’s comment. “I have a very good one.”

“Good because it looks like he’s trying to break in.”

“I’ll be back in five.”

Dean Patrick had broken down the wall into the gym and began attempting to assemble his machinery. About halfway through the assembly, the ninja appeared. “D.P. what the juice are you trying to do!” Dean Patrick turned to look at the ninja. “Beautiful lady tells me to build this.” Dean Patrick pulled out a large cannon.

Before the monster could fire it, Randy pulled out two pistols and fired both of them. One of the shots hit the lit fuse and the second shot struck part of the machinery. The machine began to malfunction ejecting the gas canisters which were all still completely full. “Ninja crossbow!” The ninja yelled as he fired the Avelyn. Dean Patrick was able to dodge all three shots. “Ha Ninja missed.”

“I wasn’t aiming for you.”

Dean Patrick turned to see his centrepiece of the machinery completely destroyed. The piece wasn’t meant to be functional. It was only supposed to be symbolic. The Ninja had just destroyed his science fair project.

Dean Patrick blacked out and by the time he woke back up, the Ninja was standing over him, and he was in handcuffs. “So, D.P. how you feeling?” The Ninja’s voice was comforting.

“I… I didn’t make gas.” Dean Patrick’s mind was still hazy from the amnesia that was a symptom of turning back to human. “It was just the formula for it. And an inappropriately accurate model of a gas container.” Dean Patrick then felt the officers pick him up and walk him towards their car.

Randy wished he could’ve helped Dean Patrick out. It wasn’t completely his fault that he tried to build a bomb as a monster. But he still did make a bomb, which was substantially worse than what other people have done. Dean Patrick’s future was uncertain, he didn’t bring chloramine gas to the school, but he did bring another unidentified gas to the school. The cops were interested in testing the gas. Its crimson colour was unlike any they had seen before. The sense of dread they felt when around it was just the cherry on the cake.

“Isn’t this like the first time someone who monstered out getting arrested?” Howard‘s comment caused Randy to think for a moment. “Howard I think you might be right. Well time for me to go.”

“Smoke bomb!”

-Meanwhile, at McFist’s Industries
“So you waisted two thirds of the Chaos-Stink I had just made.” Amanda just quietly stared at Viceroy for a moment. “Yes that’s what I just said.” The room was dead silent. “So.” Amanda was the first one to break the silence. “How long will it take you to replenish our supply?” Viceroy pulled out a small notebook and a calculator. “Give me an hour. Or more.”

Amanda sighed. “Just get back to me in the morning.” When the morning finally came, she received a message from Viceroy.

Viceroy: So the flowers that I used won’t be in season for another six months.

After reading the message, Amanda just rolled over and screamed into her pillow.

Chapter Text

Randy talked me into coming with him on the 12th grade boys camping trip.
I’m not particularly fond of camping, but as a friend and as a way of thanking him for helping me deal and understand my ‘gift’ I felt that joining him would be the least I could do.

Julian closed his diary and ran out to the school bus. He was more anxious than usual, he had been developing feelings for Randy ever since discovering he was the ninja. Having feelings for the ninja was to be expected from anyone who liked men. But Randy’s relationship with Theresa made things complicated. Julian knew it was wrong on some levels to have feelings for someone already in a relationship. But his heart still yearned for Randy in spite of the ninja’s current relationship status.

“Oh right, I hope you packed everything that you will need because this is a very serious campaign trip and we will not turn the bus around until the trip is over. Understood!” Miss Wickwhacker said through her megaphone. “Yes mam!” All students said in unison. “Good, now enter the bus only after I say your name.”

Julian stood next to Randy and Howard, the goth held onto his backpack which had a sleeping bag, two sets of clothes and some food from home. Konrad Krenz stood next to Miss Wickwhacker, Konrad wasn’t wearing his usual outfit. Today he had an old blue shirt and a red neckerchief. The shorts he was wearing were pulled up a bit too far. The waistband was around where his belly button should be. “That outfit Mr. K has looks older than us.” Howard said. “I wouldn’t push his buttons Howard.” Randy whispered into his friend’s ear. “His been given me and the Nomicon the creeps.”

“Howard!” Konrad yelled, which gave Howard a mighty fright. “Yes Mr. K!”

“Your name was called by the lovely Miss Wickwhacker.” She rolled her eyes at Konrad‘s comment. “We nearly marked you as absent. You better start paying attention to your surroundings. You never know what is around the corner in the forest.”

Julian sat alone on the bus. He looked over to see Dave and Juggo hanging out together. And Randy hanging out with Howard, Julian yarn for the feeling of Randy’s hand on his and the comfort of his shoulder. But coming between Randy and Howard could end in disaster. Bucky and Dave found that out the hard way. “Is this seat taking?” Julian turn around to look at Konrad Krenz. “No it’s open.” Konrad Sat down next to him. “Julian did you know that I love camping?”

“No, you’ve never mentioned it.”

“Really?” Konrad was surprised he never brought it up before. “Well as a little kid, I was a Thälmann Pioneer. And later I became a FDJ functionary. It was basically the same as the Boy Scouts.” Konrad was more relaxed than usual. He clearly had found members of his youth. “We would have so much fun learning about the glories of the revolution and the power of solidarity.” The teacher just kept rambling on about his childhood for the entire bus ride. The goth looked out of his window to see the view go from city to suburb and then to the countryside.

When the bus finally stopped, and everyone hopped off Miss Wickwhacker began to explain the ground rules. They were the common rules that every camper knew about, also known as common sense. Soon Konrad began to go over the rules regarding student to student contact. “There will be no couple activities that surpass tier three. If you are unaware what the tier dating system is, please watch the American animated series Adventure Time.”

“I’m looking at you, Bucky and Pradeep.”

Bucky then spoke. “Mr. Krenz me and Pradeep have no interest in becoming horror movie victims. Zing!”

“And just to be safe, they’re will be a minimum of three students per tent.” Konrad eyed each student with suspicion. Each one of them could be the ninja. He knew it was safer to be in a group than all alone in the wilderness. So he wouldn’t be able to just snap the neck of the ninja and then dispose the body. But if a student did go missing, the blame could be pinned on the other two.

Even if he couldn’t kill the ninja on this trip, he could still gain information about their identity. They were a total of 15 candidates for the ninja on this trip out of a total of 45 students. Each suspect was to be placed with two others who are not suspects. Ideally the two non-suspects would tell the teacher how their friend went missing. And if the ninja just so happens to appear when he’s missing, Konrad would have his target and could strike when he lease suspects it.

“So why are you out camping instead of destroying the ninja!” Hannibal said over the phone.

“Relax, Hannibal.” Konrad took a sip from the flask he had brought. “The ninja appears when the students are in danger. If you were to release a machine at night I may be able to kill him.”

“Ok, I’ll get Viceroy to do something.” Hannibal ended the phone call and turn to look at Viceroy. “So is your Slasher-Bot ready?”

“It’s been ready since last week.” Viceroy powered on the robot. It was wearing a trenchcoat and hockey mask. It was clearly made out of spare parts from a punk-bot and a football hooligan robot. “I’ve equipped it with almost every slasher weapon imaginable.”

“Why don’t you show me what its got.”

“My pleasure.” Viceroy smiled. “It has a machete, chainsaw, axe, dual knife gloves and a crossbow.”

“You’ve been watching the Walking Dead, haven’t you.”

“Yes I have.”

“Ok,” Hannibal looked down at his watch, “release the robot at sundown!”

-Back at the camp site
“Oh right boys, let’s work now!” Miss Wickwhacker yelled at the campers. “And remember, only three people per tent. And no you don’t get to pick who you are with.”

Randy, Howard and Julian work together to set up the tent. They were making relatively quick progress as compared to Dave, Doug and Juggo. Their tent was still a giant mess on the ground and Juggo had somehow got tangled up in it. “Hey Mr. Krenz, can I have some help?” The clown said.

“Juggo setting up a tent is… mein Gott, how did this happen!” Konrad stared at the sight before him and felt nothing but a deep loathing towards the three musketeers of stupid that stood before him.

The Nomicon began to glow shortly after Randy had finished setting up the tent. “Hey the book wants to speak with me, so you know the drill.” He said to Howard and Julian before entering the Nomicon.

When he entered the Nomicon, he was greeted with a man sitting in front of an unlit camp fire. The man was surrounded by a darkness that kept creeping closer to him, threatening to completely consume him. There were horrible sounds coming from the darkness. The cries of wild beasts, the screams of a woman in pain and an evil laugh. But just as all seemed lost a small and alone spark hit the wood, and a massive fireball was born.

“The difference a single spark can make in the darkest of nights is unimaginable.”

“Thank you Nomicon, I’ll try to find a way to use that.” Before Randy could leave another lesson was shown to him one that he was far more familiar with.

A young man saved an older man from a large bear only to then be stabbed in the back by the older man.

“Beware the enemy who wears a hero’s mask.”

Randy then returned to the real world. The first thing he saw was Julian standing over him. “Oh you’re finally awake. We are about to get a fire started.” Randy took a deep breath in and sighed. “The Nomicon just gave me a lesson about this.”

“Oh right, we will be doing this the old fashioned way.” Miss Wickwhacker announced. “You will have five chances to light the fire before you pass it onto the student to your left. Understood!” Each student gave it their best shot, but one by one they failed. Bucky even managed to break his thumb in the process. When it was Julian‘s turn, he decided to try something else.

‘Focus Julian, just light a small fire.’ He said in his head. He felt the power flowing through his body as he hit the rocks together. The sparks failed to ignite any fire but yet a small fire still appeared just as he wanted. “Congratulations Julian. I didn’t think you had it in you.” Miss Wickwhacker shook the boy’s hand. He couldn’t believe he actually did it. He controlled his powers. He was both impressed with himself and terrified of what he could do. The campers enjoyed the opportunity to just rest by the fire and roast hotdogs. A few ended up burning their hotdogs but still a fun time overall. Eventually, they were even allowed to make s’mores.

The sunset at exactly 6:47 pm. The Slasher-Bot was deployed at 6:48 pm.

The Slasher-Bot began making its way to the campgrounds. Its legs were configured in a digitigrade system to maximize stealth and it took slow and calculated steps. Each one of its movements was perfectly calculated and deemed necessary to accomplish its mission.

“Oh right campers time to hit the sack!” Miss Wickwhacker ordered each student to enter their tent for the night and remain there until sunrise. Aside from the movement restriction, they were free to stay up as late as they wanted. None of them knew what was pursuing them.

“So who wants to share ghost stories, hahaha.” Julian pulled out a large book titled ‘Ghosts, Goblins and Grimoires’. The book was about the same size as ‘War and Peace’. “The book has nearly 500 stories about encounters with everything from ghosts, cryptids, folkloric creatures, demons and magic.”

-In the teachers tent
“So Miss Wickwhacker, I don’t think you’ve told me your first name.” Konrad said as he laid on his side, speaking to the woman in the sleeping bag next to him.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s Wendy.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Wendy, it really rolls off the tongue.”

“I’m a lesbian!” She screamed at him. She screamed so loud it alerted the Slasher-Bot to their location. And the shout also alerted all the students to the unwanted advances of Konrad. He immediately left the teachers tent and a huff. “Sie musste es nicht in die ganze Welt hinausschreien.” ‘She didn't have to shout it out to the whole world.’

-In the boy’s tent
The three of them just sat in silence as Konrad walked by their tent. “Do you think we should check on him?” Asked Randy, his friends didn’t seem to care about Mr. K. “Look Cunningham, if you want to risk your butt making sure he’s ok then go ahead.” Howard told his best friend as he and Julian looked through the book. “But don’t come crawling back to us after you get in trouble.” Randy crawled back into his sleeping bag. “Ok, I’ll stay in here.”

“The valley of headless men!” Howard said with enthusiasm. “Let’s read that one!”

As the snowflake triumvirate read their stories Konrad was still grumbling to himself about being kicked out of the tent. “Verrücktes Mädchen.” ‘Crazy girl’ is what he called her. He soon noticed something was off about the environment. There wasn’t any noise and he could faintly smell motor oil. He turned around to see a machine wearing a trenchcoat with red eyes staring down at him. “Oh you must be Viceroy’s new robot.” Konrad extended his arm, offering the robot a handshake. Slasher-Bot was confused by the jester.

“So you’re the strong silent type. I like that.” Slasher-Bot kept trying to process what Konrad was saying. Its programming left it with one possible solution, ‘kill’.

“So are you just…” Slasher-Bot’s knife missed Konrad’s throat by half an inch. “Oh well… ahh!” Konrad’s scream of terror woke any student who was sleeping. Several students pop their heads out of their tents to see their teacher running around, trying to avoid his head being cut off. “Don’t worry student…” he dodged an incoming crossbow bolt. “I’ll lead this killer…” an incoming knife attack barely missed his brachial artery, “away! Remember me for my heroics!”

Doug popped his head out of his tent to speak. “Miss Wickwhacker a slasher movie villain is trying to kill Mr. Krenz.”

“Shut up Doug!” She yelled back at him.

“I think he needs help. Can you two cover for me.” Randy said to his friends who were thoroughly engrossed in the story they were reading. “Yah sure, now keep reading Julian this is getting good.” Randy slept out of the tent and put on the mask.

“Viceroy, did you gave this thing a camera and recorder? Because if you did, please turn this thing off. Now!” Konrad nearly got decapitated by a chainsaw swing. “Víðarr! Save me please.” The wraith’s shadow magic was able to keep the robot at bay until the cavalry arrived. “Smoke bomb!” The ninja appeared out of nowhere with his signature cloud of orange smoke. “Good now I can sleep.” Konrad begins sinking into the shadows that covered the forest floor.

“What the juice?” The robot use the opportunity afforded to it by Randy’s short attention span to launch into an attack. It went in with a chainsaw swing that Randy dodged by ducking below the arc of the swing. The robot quickly responded by revealing its knife hands and trying to slash Randy to death. Randy tossed an acidic ball at the blades, they quickly rusted over and became useless.

The robot in raged by Randy’s trickery began blindly attacking with its machetes. Its super strength allowed to cut through entire trees in a single swing. Randy tried to block the blades with his sword, but his grip weekend with every strike. Just as it seemed likely Randy would have to fall back an unlike saver appeared.

A blow from a hatchet came down behind the robot’s neck, popping its head off. Randy saw that the below came from Konrad, who appeared to be fully rested. “Your fighting does need some work, ninja.” He said as he pulled his hatchet out from the robots destroyed circuitry. “Phew, you saved me.” Randy stood up and stretched his back. “So that little disappearing into shadows trick you did?”

“I’m more than willing to explain if you help me check to see if there any more of these things around.” Konrad looked over his shoulder to see if anything else was creeping around the forest.

Randy held up his end of the bargain by looking around the trees. “See it all began right after the Berlin wall fell.” Konrad‘s voice was relaxed and lacking its normal assertive characteristics. “I was a guard…” a knife struck the tree right next to Randy’s head. Randy turned around to see that it was Konrad who had thrown it.

“Beware the enemy who wears a hero’s mask.” Randy gasped at his realization. “You’re the enemy the Nomicon warned me about!”

“Oh ninja, don’t you know.” Randy felt a cold piercing void as it sliced into his liver. “All good devils masquerade under the light.” Konrad sunk into the shadow covered ground leaving Randy clutching at his side. “Art of healing.” He said as his hands began to glow.

“So you can regenerate, very impressive. Konrad‘s voice came from all around Randy. “But we can do better.” Randy could see blades of darkness coming out of the shadows and flying towards him. “Dodge roll.” He yelled as he ducked and weave through the incoming blades. “Sterben!” Konrad yells as his attacks failed to land any blows on the ninja.

“Víðarr I need help, hit him with everything you have!” Víðarr began to form a powerful vortex of darkness. Randy wrapped his scarf around a tree and his mind went into overtime, thinking of a way to escape from the vortex. That’s when he realized what the proverb he was told earlier meant. “A single spark!” He said before he ripped a branch off from the tree and tossed it into the vortex. He then did it to another branch and another and another.

So the centre of the vortex was nothing but a pile of sticks ready to burn. “Ninja tengu fireball!” Randy shouted as he fired the fireball towards the Kindling wood. The wraith was able to dodge the bright light from the fireball, but not from the burst of flames that followed it. The shock from the bright light sent Víðarr into shock, forcing it to retreat. With his strength already drained from the fight Konrad was unable to keep the vortex spinning. Causing the large pile of flaming wood to drop to the ground creating a potential forest fire. “Congratulations ninja you just committed arson.”

“Ninja hydro hands!” And with that Randy put out the fire. “Now I would like some answers.” Randy turned around to see that Konrad had ran away. “Why do they always ran.”

Konrad quickly made his way back to the campsite. “Get up campers I need to do a headcount to make sure no one got murdered by the serial killer robot!” The East German yelled into the megaphone. Miss Wickwhacker began doing a headcount of each tent, all of them were accounted for, and the only one left was Randy’s tent. “Howard, check.” She said, Howard had to hold back a ‘nervous’ fart. “Julian, check!” The goth’s eyes were wide open from stress. “And Randy?”

“Here.” Randy said, allowing Julian and Howard to relax.

“Good, everyone is here. Now back to sleep everybody.” She said before entering her tent. “Also Mr. Krenz, you have to spend the night with Doug!” She immediately tossed his sleeping bag out of her tent.

“I’ll just sleep in the bus.” He said before leaving the campsite. When he entered the bus, he pulled over his phone and left a voicemail for Viceroy. “Update your facial recognition database! That robot nearly decapitated me!” He ended the call and crawled into his sleeping bag and fell asleep.

-The School’s news room
“I even came up with a system to guarantee I would figure out who he is, and I found out nothing!”

“Well Mr. K have you considered the possibility that they were lying to protect their friend?” Debbie said to the angry teacher in front of her.

“Fick! Bloody Ami and their little white lies!” He said before opening his flask and taking a shot of beer. “I should have offered a reward for telling the truth. Like if you tell the truth I get you ice cream.”

“Well at least we know that the Ninja has to be one of the 15 suspects on the trip.”

“Oh Debbie.” Konrad said as the anger on his face melted away to reveal a smile beneath. “I like how you think. Always on the positive side.” Konrad began to laugh like a maniac. Debbie slipped out of the room and just allowed Konrad to have his episode.

“Keine Sorge, Ninja, ich werde bald wissen, wer du bist.”

‘Don't worry, Ninja, I'll soon know who you are.’

Chapter Text

It was going to be a very busy week for Randy. Him and Theresa have been disappointed in the lack of time they have been able to spend together so they decided that every night Monday through Friday would be a date night.

Randy explained this to Howard in their usual meeting place, the first floor boy’s bathroom. “Cunningham, you are so going to drop the ball.” Howard said as he washed his hands. “Howard don’t be ridiculous, I am not going to drop the ball.” Randy said with a hint of smug superiority.

“Sorry Randy but you are going to drop the ball.” Accordion Dave said inside one of the bathroom stalls. “Not now Dave.” Randy turned to face the stall that Dave was in. “You know the rules of bathroom talk etiquette.” Dave shut up after realizing he had violated rule number five ‘don’t listen to conversations if you’re in a stall’.

“Look, all I’m saying is that you have a higher chance of getting struck by lightning than you pulling this off.” Howard said as he dried his hands.

“Well, then, we’ll just have to wait and see.” Randy then left the bathroom and headed to class.

-Monday evening
“Isn’t this just the perfect park.” Theresa told Randy as they sat down on a bench. “I know, I’m surprised McFist was this good at designing parks.” He slid his hand over to Theresa‘s hand, he wrapped his fingers around the palm of her hand and she did the same. The young couple leaned in for a kiss, just as their lips were about to touch an explosion could be heard. “I’ll be right back… I have to call… um my mom.”

When Randy arrived at the source of the noise he saw a large robot triceratops knocking over cars. It even destroyed Luigi’s ice cream truck. Randy was able to trick the machine into charging straightforward into a brick wall. The impact broke the robot’s horns and most of its metal armour that covered its face. “Zap-arrow!” Shouted Randy as he fired his bow. The surge of electricity fried the machines internal components.

When Randy returned to the park he saw Theresa on the same park bench that they shared earlier. “Sorry about that, my mom really likes to talk and talk and…”

“It’s fine.” She was clearly lying about how she felt. “I hope tomorrow will be better.”

-Tuesday
The date was supposed to just be a nice little trip through an art museum. Unfortunately, it was ruined when a robot kick down the door and began spraying the paintings with a jetstream of paint remover. “What kind of shoob builds a robot to destroy paintings?” Randy yelled as he ducked for cover.

-In the McHovercraft
“Crazy to think that destroying a bunch of modern paintings would be so fun.” McFist said as he hosed down a painting of an orange nailed to a wall.

-Back at the art museum
“Randy, we have to get to the exit.” She turned to look at her boyfriend, only to realize he had disappeared. She desperately looked around trying to find him, only to instead find the ninja fighting the robot. The masked warrior quickly destroyed the robot, saving most of the art in the museum.

After the panic had dissipated she began heading for the exit. “Wait Theresa!” She turned to see Randy running out of the boys bathroom. “Why do you always hide in the bathroom?” She asked him.

“Because nobody ever goes there when a monster attacks.”

-Wednesday
“Nothing bad has ever happened at an aquarium.” Randy said to his date. He gently squeeze her hand as they walked through the exhibits. All was well until a Giant Squid broke containment and went on a rampage. “Ok I stand corrected, bad things can happen at aquariums.”

“Come with me Theresa, I will take you to safety.” Randy pushed her into the girl’s bathroom before sliding on the mask. The fight was over in a minute, Randy spin kicked the Squid in the eye sending beast flying backwards into exhibits.

With the squid back in its enclosure Randy went to go find Theresa. When the girls bathroom opened, Theresa walked out soaking wet. They were later told that the squids escape had jammed up the piping leading to an explosion in the girls bathroom.

-Thursday
“Are you sure you don’t have any appointments and your mom isn’t going to call you?” Theresa said as she took a sip of coffee.

“I am positive.”

“Good, now as long as a monster doesn’t attack, we should be fine.” As if on cue a monster bat appeared in the air above the coffee shop. Randy avoided, looking up and solely focussed on the beautiful woman in front of him. “Help! The nerd I was bullying turned into a giant bat!” For a millisecond Randy’s eyes bolted upwards and saw that Bash was being carried around by what appeared to be a stanked Julian.

Out of the corner of his eyes Randy could see the Nomicon inside his backpack was flashing. He was at a crossroad, he could do the right thing. Or he could continue the date and let things get worse. “So Theresa, I should have told you sooner, but I have IBS. So I’ll be right back.” Randy immediately ran to the bathroom and put on the mask. He quickly jumped out of the small air vent in the washroom and ran out onto the street, he used his scarf like a lasso. He began pulling back against Julian, Randy’s ashiko popped out and dug themselves into the asphalt, preventing him from being pulled forward.

Julian realized what was happening and quickly changed directions charging straightforward towards the ninja. Just as he was about to be hit Randy jumped up and landed on the back of Julian.

Julian let go of Bash and quickly landed, trying desperately to dislodge Randy from his back. “I’m sorry buddy.” He said before plunging his sword into Julian‘s hat, releasing him from the sorceress’s curse. Julian quickly regained consciousness and began examining his surroundings. “First time I wear my hat in half a year and I get turned into a monster.”

“Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.” Randy gave Julian a reassuring pat on the back. “Ninja, don’t you have a date to night?” Randy instantly smoke bombed out of there. “Sorry about that Theresa, I had one of those quadruple bean burritos today for lunch.” She just stared at him. “I didn’t need to know that.” She didn’t speak to him after that for the rest of the night.

-Friday morning
“So last night wasn’t the worst.”

“I’m sorry, but I have been under a lot of stress lately.” Theresa told Randy on their way to school. “I don’t know how much more I can take before I just.” She paused paused for a moment and rubbed her forehead. “Twirl team is on the brink of being canceled, and my third period teacher is a psycho!”

“Don’t worry about tonight, I’ll make sure everything goes well.” Randy then heard the hum of the Nomicon. Randy did his best to ignore the book until he made it to school when he could finally actually shloop in.

Upon entering the world of the Nomicon, he was greeted with a depiction of a ninja speaking to a maiden. The ninja left the scene and the maiden was left abandoned only to be consumed by a large dragon.

“A promise that one cannot keep is as good as a lie.”

“Oh boy.” Randy said under his breath before being ejected back into the land of the waking. “Tonight is going to be a rough night.”

-Meanwhile, at McFist’s Industries
“Tonight is going to be a good night!” Hannibal yelled to his inner circle. “May I ask why it will be a good night?” Mort said.

“Well tonight is, premier of Grave Punchers 2!” Hannibal was hyped for the movies release. “And will be among the first people in the world to see it.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “I thought we would be doing something more productive.” Mort found it weird that he was actually agreeing with her, albeit for completely different reasons. “Mrs. LaVay is right, I really have to finish filing those documents about the weapons grade uranium we’ve been purchasing.”

“Ok Mort, suit yourself. But everyone else is in?”

Viceroy and Amanda both agreed to his proposal. “Well I going out for lunch.” Amanda said as she got out of her chair. “I just hope somebody would cause a bit of chaos for me.”

-PJ McFlubbusters
“You know the food here is truly revolting, this really is the best restaurant in town.” Amanda said to herself before laughing. Her sinister cackle attract a rat. A rat which was very familiar with this type of laughter. “Squeak.”

Amanda turned to face the rat. “Yes little one.”

“Cleek!”

Amanda gasped. “You knew him?”

“Piep.”

“Well then, I guess you should come along with me.” She picked up the rat and placed him in her handbag.

-The Evening
“Wow, this looks great on me.” Randy looked at himself in the mirror. The suit Julian had picked out for him was Prussian blue and had a dark crimson tie. “But I feel a little over dressed.”

“Well you should dress to impress.” Julian smiled as he finished tying Randy’s tie. “Now want me do your makeup?”

“No thanks, the suit is more than enough.” Randy left the clothing store and headed to the theatre.

-Meanwhile, Mort’s Office
“Ok, that should be everything.” Mort was impressed by his work. He had actually convinced the US government that a former Candy Company was an essential part of the Military Industrial Complex. “Not I just have to log off and… oh boy.” Mort hit the wrong button. “This can’t be that bad.” The button was an activation button for a new robot that Viceroy had been developing.

-Meanwhile, Main Street
“That is straight up a robot Hydra.” Randy stared at the large mechanical monstrosity. One head had a flamethrower, the second had a nasty looking bite, the third one sprayed a corrosive substance all around it. And the fourth head shot out lightning bolts. “Well ninja time.”

Randy didn’t start his attack until he got to the top of a near by building. He didn’t want to ruin his evening by getting the smell of acid or burning cloth on him. He pulled out his air rifle and started firing. The high powered shots were of little use, the robot’s armour was too strong.

The head with the nasty bite spotted Randy. The beast then began moving towards him. “Ok, gotta think of a new plan!” Randy pulled out his bow and began firing random arrows. The Bee arrow did an ok job at distracting the machine, the Bee swarm Randy enough time to find the exact arrow he was looking for. “Acid-Arrow!” The arrow flew towards its target.

Upon impact, the acid began to corrode away the armour protecting the robot. Randy fired three more arrows, each one striking a different head. “Bomb-Arrows!” He yelled as he fired four of them at the robot. Each one destroyed a head. “That could have been worse.” He said to himself.

Just before he could smoke bomb away, the heads began to repair themselves. “What?” Randy pause for a second as he made his ‘I just put everything together’ face. “It’s a Hydra, I really should have seen this coming.” He sighed. “Probably should’ve paid more attention in that mythology class.”

Randy charge straightforward towards where all four heads meet. “Acid-Balls!” he ducked and weave in between attacks as he tossed the balls at the centre of the beast. The acid destroyed it chest plating leaving its internal circuitry vulnerable. He then drew his sword and sliced away at the machinery. Moments later, the robot was destroyed. “Well at least I can now go on my date.” Randy was already about half an hour late to the movie, but he could just say he was stuck in traffic. He then heard a scream of terror. He turned around and saw three more of the robots attacking the city.

-Meanwhile, The Movie Theatre
“This movie is so honkin' cool.” Hannibal said with a fistful of popcorn. On his left sat Viceroy and to his right sat Amanda who was holding a hamster ball with a rat in it. On the right side of Amanda there was an open seat and on the right side of the open seat there was Theresa.

All alone.

Eventually, the movie came to an end and she had to face the facts. Randy had stood her up. She was the first one to leave the theater, bawling her eyes out as she ran out. She entered. The girls washroom slammed one of the stalls shut and crawled into the foetal position. Her cries of a broken heart were carried by the ventilation all the way to the ears of Amanda. The Sorceress had just entered the back rooms with her associates when she tasted the better taste of misery. “Remember earlier when I said, I wanted some chaos.”

“Ya, what about it?” Hannibal said to her.

“I think found some.”

Randy was both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained from the over an hour long fight against the robots. He realize that he wasn’t just late. He had likely missed the entire movie. He was desperately thinking of an excuse to tell her but deep down he knew he had dropped the ball. His relationship was likely over.

When he opened the front door of the theater, he was greeted with pandemonium. A giant moth with a yellow body and blue wings was rampaging through the building. Randy just turned around, walk down into the alley and put on the mask.

The ninja appeared in the centre of the room in a cloud of orange smoke. “Ok giant moth thing I just had to fight several robot hydras.” He pulled out a bō ‘staff’. “So I’m not in a good mood. And I mean that as a warning!” The moth creature charged at him. “Ninja slide dodge!” Randy yelled as deduct below the creature. “Ok now how do I destank you?” in the corner of his eyes he noticed a handbag on one the creatures legs. “Please don’t be expensive.” Randy quickly darted over towards the bag, but before he could do anything to it, he got slapped by the moth’s tail. But the attack also scattered the content of the bag, revealing a photo.

When Randy saw the photo, he instantly recognized it as a photo of him and Theresa. “You think stood you up?” He felt even more guilty than he did before. “I’m sorry for this.” he said under his breath before he plunged his sai into the photo. He saw the pink magic flow out and away from the photo and Theresa. “My date?” She said to nobody in particular.

Randy didn’t know why he began talking to her. Maybe it was a desperate attempt to cover his ass or it was out of the purist form of care any human can show to another. “Hey Theresa… your name is Theresa right?” She nodded her head at his question. “Is it ok if I ask you what happened.”

She sighed before speaking. “Well my date, he stood me up.”

“Wow, that is horrible.”

“Ya I know. Randy…” he quickly interrupted her. “Randy? As in Randy Cunningham?” She nodded her head again. “Well Theresa you won’t believe who I saw tonight.”

“What was he doing?”

“He was cowering in a bathroom, I think he was in there for like two hours.” She was stunned by his answer. “So he didn’t bale on me?”

“He sounded pretty angry that he could be with you.” She stood up and looked the ninja in the eyes. “I want to break up with him. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m starting to think he’s cursed. I mean every time he’s around me and just me things happen.”

Randy placed his hand on her shoulder. “I think you should speak with him after you get some rest.”

“You’re probably right. And my mom should be here soon.” Randy escorted her out to her mom‘s car before he disappeared into a puff of orange smoke.

-Saturday
The second Randy’s phone began to ring. He grabbed it and answered the call. “Hey Theresa. About what you said last night?” His voice was uneasy as he braced himself for what she was going to say.

“I’m sorry, but I’m done.” She was disappointed in both Randy and herself. She truly loves him and he loves her. “Every time I’m in danger you run away like a coward! And I can’t handle having the few dates I’m not in danger getting cut short by your other commitments.” Randy felt a small tear drip down his face. “I think we work better as friends.” She said softly.

“I think so too.”

She smiled at his words. “Good, I’ll see you on Monday.” She hung up a moment later.

Chapter Text

It was Halloween, a Monday and the day one student was to be exposed to Viceroy’s Chaos-Stink. Konrad didn’t have much time to decide which student out of the several possible ninja candidates should be exposed. He really only chose Randy because he found him to be annoying. Konrad had his wraith ‘pick’ the lock for him before he put the device into the locker. When the locker opened Randy would be hit directly in the face by the chemical. He would then lose control over his own emotions and become the perfect victim for Amanda.

There was only about half an hour left in the day before classes were over. So it wouldn’t be long until a monster attacked, and Konrad had to be prepared to deal with the creature if the ninja didn’t appear. Konrad kept a Wieger StG-940, an FB PM-63 and two Makarov pistols in the trunk of his car for just such an occasion. He already had his action plan fully mapped out.

First, he would leave class faster than usual. He didn’t want to be in the building when the monster began to attack. Second he would sit in his car and ether explain that is taking abnormally long to start up today, or he’s waiting for a phone call and doesn’t want to be on the road when it happens. Third when the attack begins and if the ninja is a no-show, use the weapons in his car to kill the monster. After that skip town and wait for payment. But the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

When the bells rang out and Randy was the first student out of his chair. He took some time to admire all the Halloween costumes he saw throughout the halls. Julian was dressed up as a hunter from Left 4 Dead. When Julien saw Randy, he quickly ran over to speak with him. “You seem to be handling the break up really well.”

“Thanks Julien, but I would prefer not to talk about it.”

“Oh, my apologies.”

“Don’t worry about it Julian.” Randy placed a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good friend.” The two quickly made their way to Randy’s locker and saw Howard dressed up as a member of the Death Guard. His large belly being partially revealed and covered in a pink paint. The light green armour that he wore was made from cheap plastic. “Cunningham, why aren’t you wearing your costume?” Howard said. “It’s in my locker.” Randy pointed towards his locker. “Well put it on!” Howard said in that pseudo yelling voice he does.

“I was just about to do that.” Randy opened the locker and got hit in the face by a red gas. “What the juice was that.” He coughed slightly as he rubbed his eyes. Randy could feel his nose burn with every breath. When he opened his eyes again they were bloodshot. The sight was so shocking that Howard and Julian took a step back. “I think you should see the doctor.” Julian extended his hand to help his friend up. “Why do you think I like boys?” Randy said, seemingly confused and shocked that his friends knew his secret. “I don’t like boys, even if I liked boys, Julian likes boys and you’re cool with him!”

Howard and Julian both looked at Randy in confusion. “Cunningham, are you trying to come out?” Howard attempted to comfort his friend. “I know it can be difficult. But you’re freaking out and it’s starting to scare me.” Randy stared at Howard in shock. “I can’t believe you just called me that.” Randy screamed at Howard as he began to twitch and scratch his head. “Ok Cunningham that red stuff did something to your noggin because I didn’t call you anything.”

“You literally just called me a faggot!” Randy’s vision was tainted red as the people around to began to shift into those who have terrorized him. “McFist! Why are you here?” Randy yelled as he pointed at Julian. Right next to McFist stood his stepson Bash. “I thought you already graduated?” Randy raised his arms to defend himself from any incoming attack.

Howard raised an eyebrow. “We don’t graduate until summer?” The only thing that Randy heard was Bash calling him a faggot. Randy ran way from his friends in panic. Julian turned to look at Howard. “I think we should go get him.” Randy ran into the bathroom, slammed one of the stall doors and began to cry in the foetal position. “Boys, I like boys.” Randy had the subconscious feeling that he was bisexual, but he never really worked through the emotions. He knew that there isn’t any thing wrong with a guy liking guys. It just wasn’t him, he didn’t want it to be him. “I don’t want to be a faggot.”

The pain in his voice travelled through the vents and was carried away by the wind. The wind brought it to Amanda and the rat who were enjoying a little quiet time by the swamp. “Do you smell that?” The rat sniffed the air before squeaking in agreement. “Internal conflict is always a good treat.” She released a puff of pink smoke, which began making it way towards Randy.

“Boys, boys, boys.” He said as the pink cloud encircled him. He only realized what was happening when he felt the pain. Every cell in his body began to twist and turn. He began to heat up until his body felt like it was on firer. Randy’s eyes clouded over with a yellow colour that resembled jaundice, they then grew out of their sockets and began to look around in all different directions. His skin turn to the colour carmine. He felt his body grow and take on the shape of a dromaeosaurid. His coccyx extended into a true tail that was the same length as his body. Feather grow from its tip that were the same tyrian colour as his hair. Randy looked at his hands in horror as claws pushed through his nail beds. His feet extended until he was walking on his toes. He opened his mouth to scream as his teeth began to crack and morph into fangs. His jaw began to extend forward making way for more teeth.

The transformation was complete.

-Outside of the school
Konrad was seated in his car when he heard the screams. He checked his watch, it said it was 3:39:25 pm. It normally takes about three minutes for the ninja to arrive so he would just have to wait a few minutes. He then began thinking about how long he is willing to wait. His watch now said to was 3:40:56. Out of boredom Konrad decided to look at his phone for a bit, he was disappointed to see that nothing was happening.

The clock said it was 3:42:18, it was time to get armed. He opened his truck and grabbed his rifle. He put the magazine in and chambered around before the principal‘s car came flying overhead. “Darn, a monster destroyed it in the 24 hour period where my old insurance policy ended and my new policy hadn’t begun yet.” Principal Slimovitz said to Konrad nearly causing the East German to pull the trigger when his rifle.

“Fick! Weren’t you taught to not sneak up on people with guns!” Slimovitz seemed confused by comment and his rifle. “Hey! You don’t have access to the armoury!” Principal Slimovitz extended his index finger towards Konrad in an accusatory manner.

“You have an armoury… an armoury and you didn’t tell me!” Principal Slimovitz just stared at him. “It’s in metalworking.” As Konrad was busy verbally berating his boss. Julian and Howard had to find a way to deal with Randy. “Howard how do we unmonster him?” Julian asked as they hid inside a locker. “We need to break his favourite thing. And his favourite thing is…” Howard didn’t need to finish the sentence Julian understood what he meant. “The mask! You want us to destroy the mask? Are you insane!”

“Look man, I don’t make the rules I just live with them.” Howard cracked open the locker to make sure I was safe to exit. Julian was the first to speak after they exited the locker. “What if the mask isn’t his most prized possession?”

“Are you saying we wreck his junk until he goes back to being a human?” Julian was surprised by the fact Howard was able to summarize his entire plan in such a crude manner. “It doesn’t sound like a good idea when you put it that way.” After speaking, Julian opened up Randy’s backpack which he had dropped when he ran away. “I think you should be the one to save Randy.” Julian passed Howard the mask. The redhead quickly saw through his plan. “You’re just afraid of getting hurt.”

Julian responded with a simple but direct phrase. “I plead the fifth.” Just as Howard put on the mask gunshots could be heard. “I think you should hurry.” After speaking, Julian gave Howard a supportive pat on the back. The overweight redhead then smoke bombed away.

When he reappeared, he was in what appeared to be a war zone. Mr. K was firing at Randy as the student continued his rampage. The bulls were having little to no effect on the large mutated student. When his third magazine ran dry, he ducked behind his car and called for back up. By the time his four magazine was loaded he saw that the ninja had appeared. “Oh right you monster of a dweeb, I the one and ninja have come to stop you. No taste the wrath of these sharp metal circles. The desk sliced Randy‘s prize jacket, but he did not revert back to his human form. “Ok, eat this ninja exploding bomb ball!” Howard’s pitiful excuse for a throw didn’t even travel a quarter of the distance towards Randy. “So are these on a timer…” the explosion sent Howard flying backwards onto the roof.

When Howard was able to stand back up again, he saw his friend being lifted into the air by a tractor beam into a very familiar looking hovercraft. “Oh boy.”

-On the McHovercraft
“Ok so if this guy isn’t the ninja. Why is he on my ship?” Asked Hannibal as he entered the room which contained a cell holding Randy. “Well, it’s quite simple.” When Amanda spoke an evil grin manifested on her face. “I want pandemonium so if we release him tonight the ensuing chaos would boost my strength and bring us one step closer to the world domination.”

“Well, I’m just glad I only agreed to pay the assassin after his job is completed.” Hannibal stepped forward to get a closer look at Randy. For a brief moment, they made eye contact which seemed to anger Randy. “Whoa what’s his problem?”

“Probably just being a moody teenager.” Said Amanda.

-Later that night
“I can believe what happened to Randy today.” Theresa was speaking with her friend Debbie about today’s event. “I’m surprised he could even turn into a monster.” Debbie added.

Theresa was wearing a white tiger costume and Debbie was dressed as a Mexican death bear. Debbie could tell that something was bothering Theresa, she tried to hide her eyes by reading a book about the four holy beasts from East Asian mythology. “Theresa is there anything on your mind?” Debbie asked her friend.

“I just feel like what happened may be ever so slightly my fault.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, if it was your fault he would have turned into a monster on Saturday.” Debbie gave Theresa a hug. “Thank’s Debbie. I don’t know why I’ve been feeling so remorseful lately.” She knew she had just lied to her friend. She knew it was because of what happened with Julian. She had been oblivious to how he changed one week after winter break ended. She paid no mind to how he went from a goth possibly with high functioning autism to an eerie loner dressed in all white who disappeared at the end of March. “So want to come with me to the McHorrorcon?” Debbie’s question snapped Theresa out of her moment of self reflection. “That sounds great.”

When the two girls were about to leave a new painting by Theresa’s mother caught Debbie’s eye. The painting of a large wolf like creature. The beast had a bigger build than a normal wolf, its fur was red in colour and its skull shorter and more box like in appearance. “What is that supposed to be?” Debbie looked at her friend for an answer.

“Oh, it’s the Beast of Gévaudan, or as my mom calls it La Bête du Gévaudan.”

“Is that a creature that Brawn Brickwall gave a noogie to?”

Theresa politely laughed at Debbie’s question. “No, it was kill hundreds of years before he was born.” Theresa answer peaked Debbie‘s curiosity. “Can you tell me more.”

“Sure!” Talking about the beast quickly, brightened her mood. “The beast was responsible for a series of attacks in the county of Gévaudan. The beast was believed to have killed over 100 people, most of its victims were found with a torn out throat and a few even had their hearts stolen.” As Theresa spoke Debbie could see the fine details on the painting, including red platters of paint to give the illusion of blood on the muzzle of the creature. “Its reign of terror lasted about four years before it was killed by a silver bullet. The species of the creature was never identified. It could have been anything from a hyena to a particularly big wolfdog.” Theresa whispered the last part into her friend’s ear. “Some believe that it was a serial killer or the devil himself.”

The last part sent a chill up, Debbie’s spine. “And this is what you’re mom choose to paint?” Theresa nodded her head. “She grew up in Lozère, which used to be a part of Gévaudan. She heard plenty of stories about the beast when she was a kid.”

“Well thank you for the history lesson, now let’s go have fun.”

-Later, at the McHorrorcon
The entire city blocks around McFist HC and the first floor of the building were repurposed for the McHorrorcon. “So you want to break into a high security building just to talk to Randy and hope he goes back to normal?” Howard stared at Julian in disbelief. “Well the journal of magic I have says that destroying a physical object isn’t always necessary.” Julian said.

“Well there was that one time with Dave, Bucky and Pradeep. So I guess it’s possible, but what would you say to him?”

Julian blushed. “Well I have feelings for him.” The answer shocked Howard. “Heisler that is a terrible idea. You heard what he was saying before he monstered out. And he just broke up with your cousin!”

“I understand your concerns, but if he knows that we will expect him for who he is. Then the curse could come undone.” Julian knew it was a longshot, but it was better than the alternative. “And we wouldn’t have to destroy the mask.”

“Hey, Julian!” The two guys turned around to see Theresa running towards them. “I need to talk about something!”

“Is it about Randy then I have good news, it had nothing to do with you.” Howard told Theresa. “Thank what happened?” She asked that she tried to catch her breath. Howard took a bite out an extra large corn dog before explaining. “Well apparently Cunningham was in the closet. And he thought I called him a slur.”

“Well…” before she could finish asking her question Howard answered it for her. “Why I call my best friend a slur!” Theresa rolled her eyes at him. “Do you want me to answer that question.” What she just told Howard clearly got under his skin. “There have been times when I was a bad friend. But to call him a slur!”

“Theresa and Howard, we are in public.” Julian was glaring at them with frustration, this reminder caused Theresa to calm down. “Sorry, I’m just worried about him. And he’s been nothing but an ally, heck I’m bi and he has no problem with that.”

“My best guess is Compulsory heterosexuality.” Said Julian. “But we should focus on finding him and reversing the curse. Theresa are you willing to help?”

“Sure I’ll just text Debbie.”

Debbie was on the other side of the McHorrorcon looking for Theresa who had slipped away earlier. She stopped paying attention to her surroundings when she got the text. When she finished reading it she ended up bumping into someone else. “Sorry about that.” She looked up to see a familiar face. “Mr. K, you’re a security guard here.” He helped her up before speaking. “Yes, it’s a side job I do.” She believed him without hesitation. “So Randy is no longer a candidate. But the ninja wasn’t doing as well as he normally does today.”

Konrad shrugged his shoulders at her comment. “We all have off days. Doesn’t matter who or what we are. Because we all make mistakes. Konrad knew that all too well. He would always remember that night. The feeling of the bullets ripping through his body. The iron smell and taste of his blood. The pain of dying. The first words Víðarr said to him. And the look on the doctor’s face when he realize that Konrad had survived the impossible.

-Meanwhile, in the back room
“So when are we going to let the kid out.” Hannibal had been waiting all night for this moment. The moment the ninja appeared all weapons will be turned on him, and it would be explained as just friendly fire. “Right now.” Viceroy said before hitting the release button. The moment Randy’s cage was opened. He ran out and began attacking random robots. After the robots were destroyed, he began destroying anything in the room with a McFist logo on it. “Should we just open the garage door?” Viceroy followed his boss’s instructions and released Randy to the outside world. Where he once again began to destroy anything that was branded as a McFist product. “Viceroy, I don’t think he likes me. Like on a personal level.”

Panic quickly spread throughout the location as people realize this wasn’t part of a show. In the panic, Theresa was separated from Howard and Julian and Debbie twisted her ankle after being pushed. Konrad screamed when he saw her getting knocked to the floor. He ran over to her, pushing through several people to pick her up and carry her over his shoulder. He quickly ran towards the security room and kicked down the door. “Thanks Mr. K.” She said as he examined her ankle injury. “I want you to stay here.” He wrapped a bandage around her ankle and gave her an ice pack. “I want you to keep it raised until I or another guard comes to get you.” Debbie nodded her head in agreement. Konrad looked the door behind him. He was amazed that he actually saved her. He couldn’t tell if it was because he began to view her as being a surrogate daughter of sorts or because she was pretty much the only way for him to reliably track down the ninja.

When most civilians had fled the area, he began to open fire with his handgun. One of the shots hit Randy in the eye, but the eye regenerated moments later. The only reason Konrad didn’t second-guess if he actually hit Randy was the death glare he received from the monster. The regeneration also explained my the reason why the ninja doesn’t try to deal damage to the monsters.

Theresa was hiding behind one of the tables that people were eating on just a minute earlier, and she was petrified. She didn’t dare to make any sound louder than a breath. “Smoke!” The sight of the orange puff of smoke brought her a desperately needed sense of hope. The ninja looked a little different from normal, he looked skinnier than normal and slightly taller. “Don’t worry Mr. Krenz, I the ninja will handle Randall.” The ninja even sounded slightly different. He possessed an accent that sounded very familiar to her.

The fact the ninja actually got his name, right made Konrad hesitate, just pulling the trigger and opening fire on him.

“Now please leave so I can vanquish my foe!” The ninja attempted to pull out his sword, but ended up pulling an air rifle out mistake. “Oh, wrong one.” Randy, Konrad and Theresa just stared at him as he tried and failed repeatedly to pull out his sword. “This will be the one.” The ninja said before he pulled out an impractically large Swiss Army knife. “Oh this… is not what I wanted.” Randy immediately smacked the ninja with his tail sending him flying. Konrad began to firer his weapons the second the ninja was gone.

The sounds of the gunfire and the bulletin cases hit the ground began to awaken something primal inside of Theresa. With each gunshot and roar from Randy the beast with in Theresa grew stronger. Then it tried to break free. The pain was all consuming. She felt her bones began to wind and weave as her skin warped and wafted. Her muscles began swelling up and fur covered her body. As she crawled out from under the table as she changed. Her mind was being filled by nothing but a berserker’s rage. She stared up at the new moon that hung over the city. As she gazed in the blackness her teeth reshaped themselves into larger canine teeth. Her coccyx grew into a full tail with thick fur. Then her jaw and skull shifted, her one beautiful, kind and warm face became a horrifying sight. Her new muzzle resembled a twisted combination of wolf and big cat. When her transformation was completed she howled to the moon.

Randy and Konrad turned to see the beast that now stood before them. “Sie ist ein Werwolf!” ‘She is a werewolf!’ Konrad screamed, but it was not a battle cry filled with pride and righteousness. It was a scream of terror, but not of a modern terror. It was a primal terror that originated from a time when humans knew why we were afraid of the dark. Konrad began to fire his gun at Theresa, completely forgetting about Randy. The raptor charged at Konrad, the attack would have been crippling if not for the shadow hands that held Randy back.

-Meanwhile, in the back room
“Yes! Yes!” Amanda cheered. “This is truly beautiful.” The pearls on her necklace began to glow a sinister purple. “Is that normal?” Hannibal asked. The sorceress ignored his question and started channelling her power to a single point. Her eyes turned into the same colour as her pearls. Hannibal and Viceroy could only watch as she began to tear open a riff between dimensions. “The voices are strong, they speak and they call.” She said as the portal grew. Striped tentacles with mouths at the end it began to crawl through. “The voices are loud, they’re calling from the deep.” Hannibal and Viceroy began to back into the corner. “Look at me mortals.” The sorceress spoke with a booming voice that commanded respect. “This is the power of Chaos Sorcery!”

-At the battle outside
Julian crawled back to Howard. “You are the worst ninja ever.” Howard told Julian. The two of them were dead silent with the only noises being from the battle raging too close for comfort. “Julian I need you to burn the mask.” Howard shoved the mask into Julian’s hands. “Howard are you sure that is will work?”

“He’s done it in the past!” Howard paused for a second. “The first time he did it he thought he gave up being the ninja to save me.” Julian knew how much being the ninja meant to Randy. All him being willing to give it up to save his friend spoke about the young man’s character. “Maybe that’s why he was chosen to be the ninja.”

As Julian thought about Howard’s words he saw two things. A megaphone near his feet and a fire on the other side of the street. “I’ll cause a destruction and you run to that fire.” Julian pointed to the fire.

Howard started running towards the fire as Julian went for the megaphone. The moment it was in his hands he knew what to say. “Randy I love you!” The area went from a roaring battlefield to dead silence after Julian spoke. “Not just as a friend but also as a lover.” The hand’s of Víðarr began to weaken their grip around Randy allowing him to approach Julian. Without the roars from Randy and gun fire from Konrad, Theresa began to relax. Julian’s voice comforted Randy. “The fear of rejection just came from that gas that got in your face earlier today.” Julian placed his hand on Randy’s nose, it even looked like Randy was smiling.

The moment of silence was interrupted by the footsteps of Konrad as he tried to sneak away. Randy turned to look at the assassin before hissing at him. Randy gently nudged Julian back as if telling him to run away and hide. “Gnade bitte!” The man’s cries for ‘mercy’ fell on deaf ears. Randy prepared to rip the man into pieces, but before he could sink his teeth into him, a cloud of pink smoke began leaving his body as he transformed back into a normal person. “Was I?” Randy said in a stupor. “I think you should rest for a bit.” Said Julian as he hugged Randy. The sight of her ex-boyfriend returning to humanity caused Theresa to begin transforming back into a normal girl. When her face became human again, she had a mortified expression on it. “What the fuck was that!”

“You probably just got stanked out of fear.” Howard said as he put something black into his pocket. “What… no I wasn’t. I’ve been stanked nearly a dozen times and it never felt like that.” She began quivering. “Being stanked doesn’t feel good. What happened to me felt good.” She said before she began to rock herself back-and-forth. “I’m sure it did Fowler, I’m sure it did.”

-Meanwhile, in the back room
With out the chaos energy from the battle outside Amanda was unable to keep the portal open and it collapsed with explosive results. The shockwave centre flying backwards with enough force that her body broke down the door when she collided with it. “I just want to conquer Earth. Is that really so bad.” She said before passing out. “Viceroy I think she has a concussion.” Viceroy sighed before telling his boss. “I’ll go get the first aid kit.”

-Back outside
“So is what you said how you feel?” Randy asked Julian. “Yes it was from the heart.” Julian held Randy’s hand before he could speak. “Thanks Julian, I feel the same about you.” The two guys then leaned in for a kiss. Julian’s lips were soft and cold whereas Randy’s were dry and warm. When they finish their kiss, they remembered who was next to them. Both of them turned to look at Theresa, expecting to see a site of anger and discussed. But instead, they were great with a smile. “That was cute.” Theresa said with a smile. “So you’re not mad at us?” Asked Randy.

“I already told you that I think we work better as friends.” The display of affection between the two boys seem to have put her in a better mood. “So Julian, he’s all yours.” She said with a smile. “Now I need to rest.” Theresa, then flopped over onto her side and passed out. As she was being carried away in a stretcher, Konrad unlock the security room door. “Debbie it’s safe now.” He said to her. “And the paramedics would like to see your twisted ankle.”

Debbie called her mom as the paramedic examiner ankle. He told her it would easily heal as long as she avoided putting pressure on it. Konrad sat down next to her as they waited for her mother to arrive. “I want to say thank you again.” She told him. “You put yourself in harm’s way to save. Just like the ninja would.” That simple comment set something off inside of him. Of course he didn’t let it show on his face or his body or even his tone of voice. “I guess you could say that we’re kindred spirits.” Konrad forced himself to smile. It was at this moment that he realized he really did care for her like a daughter.

As it hurt him to lie to her.

He didn’t like using her as a puppet to get what he wanted. And he knew she and the rest of the city would never forgive him for killing the ninja, but it was his job. Eventually, everyone left, and he was the last person standing in the ruins of the event. “Bald ist das vorbei.”

‘Soon this will be over.’ He said to himself as he sank into the shadows below him.

Chapter Text

It had only been four days since the Halloween incident, and yet everything was almost back to normal. Theresa was discharged from the hospital the night before today, Debbie was walking with crutches. And Randy and Julian had started dating. But aside from that everything was back to how it was before.

“What do you have those flowers for?” Howard asked his best friend. “It’s something me and Julian got for Theresa.”

“You got your ex girlfriend flowers?”

“No, we got them for her.” Randy said as he turned on his phone, showing how his background had been changed to a photo of him and Julian. “Now if you excuse me I need go get Julian.” Randy left Howard behind as he went to go find Julian. Howard grounded in frustration as he leaned up against his locker and pulled out his mobile game console. Before he could even turn it on, he was interrupted. “Howard, where is Sandy going?”

He turned to see his sister, she was staring at him with a camera in her hand. “Look Heidi, Fowler just got discharged from the hospital. I don’t think she’s interested in doing any interviews.”

“I’ll buy you the new Grave Punchers if you tell me where she is.”

“She should be right by the girls changing room.” Howard had excepted her offer in less than a second. Normally, it would’ve taken him at least five to think it over. “Thank you.” Heidi smiled as she walked down the hallway.

Randy and Julian gave Theresa the flowers. “It was randy’s idea, but I thought I’d chip in and help.” Julian told his cousin. “Not even a week and you’ve already made him more romantic.” Theresa said with a chuckle. The two boys also began laughing. This moment of joy was interrupted by her. “What’s up everyone! It’s your girl, Heidi back with another scoop. I’m going to be the first person to score an interview with Norrisville’s their own werewolf Theresa Fowler!”

“Heidi now is not the time.” Randy said to her as he got in front of her camera trying to block the view of Theresa. “This interview isn’t about you Mandy.”

“It’s Randy! I have known you since I was six years old!” Randy yell as he got close to her and pointed at his face. “Sorry, that doesn’t ring a bell.” Randy’s anger imploded as he realized the sheer level of stupidity that this woman was capable of. “What my boyfriend is trying to say is that my cousin doesn’t wish to speak to you.” Julian said in a very polite voice.

“How about you two stop speaking for her.” Theresa gave Heidi the death stare after she spoke. “So is that a no?” Theresa continue to glare at the journalist. “Uh, you don’t have to be so rude.”

“Rude! You’re the shoob who keeps barging into other people‘s business.” Randy was getting sick of Heidi‘s antics. “Not now Dandy!” Before the journalist could continue her verbal harassment she began to smell smoke and felt a little too warm around her left shoulder. She turned her head to see that there was a small flame on her shoulder. “What the juice!” She screamed before running into the girls changing room, leaving her camera behind. Julian picked up the camera and began to examine it.

Just a moment after Julian picked it up the cameras, internal circuitry was fried and the data was corrupted. “Darn, that was my favourite shirt.” Heidi said as she left the changing room. “Now my camera.” She forcefully ripped it out of Julian‘s hands. “Why isn’t it working!”

“Probably broke it when you dropped it.”Theresa said with a smug smile. Heidi just stormed away grumbling. “Now as I was saying. Thank you.” She waved goodbye to the gay couple as left to go on their date.

-Later at The Game Hole
“I must say that this wasn’t my initial idea of a first date.” Julian said as Randy played Straight Fighter 2. “This is a two player game.”

“I prefer RPGs over fighting games. But I definitely see the appeal, I just prefer to think my way through a game.”

Randy rolled his eyes at his boyfriend‘s comment. “You need to do a lot of thinking with fighting games. Like do I need to change my strategy because I’m fighting this character instead of the other characters.” Julian didn’t understand much of what Randy was saying, but he loved hearing his boyfriend speak about things he was passionate about. “Oh Randy, I could listen to you for hours.”

Randy blushed. “Thanks, but there was something I probably should’ve asked you earlier.”

“What was it dear?”

“Did you use your magic on Heidi’s camera?” Julian giggled, Randy quickly figured out what the giggle meant. “Now how about we go get some nachos?” Randy agreed with his boyfriend and they went to the food hole.

-At the Weinerman household
Heidi looked at the comments on her news website.

MDB_FanGirl: You good?
YourBrotherIRL: So where is the copy of Grave puncture?
ZeroManOfMiracles: Didn’t you get permission for the interview before announcing it?
CatfishGumbo: Garou?
WhiteKnight: Was the interview canceled?
Concern_Dad: Heidi your supper is getting cold.

Every comment was filling her with nothing but disappointment or frustration. Disappointment turned to sadness and frustration turned to anger. “Gosh darn it, why does this crud always happen to me!” She screamed into her pillow. Even though the screen was damping by the pillow and and the McFist’s Industries headquarters was an hour away on foot. The scream of Heidi still caught the ear of the Sorceress.

“What’s this. Oh the sound of personal failure.” The Sorceress began to laugh maniacally. A cloud of pink stank entered into the pipes and began moving towards Heidi. Soon the pink cloud was encircling her and the broken camera fusing the two together. When the transformation was completed, her face was now a camera and the rest of her body was wolf like. She jumped out of the window and began running down town recording everything she saw. “I want to see you destroy the ninja!” The voice of the Sorceress commanded.

-The Food Hole
The gay couple was sharing a plate of nachos when Theresa came by to check up on them. “So how was your first date?” She asked them as she took a nacho from their plate. “It was splendid.” Answer Julian. Randy then gave his answer to her question. “Yeah it was pretty good.” He then stood up and stretched his arms. “But I think it’s getting late, I should probably get Howard to come pick us up.”

“I would prefer to bike home.” Julian pulled his bike out of his backpack and began to put it on. “I would offer to drive you, but I lost car access. “Apparently my mom doesn’t want me being put in a situation where I might be in danger.” Theresa didn’t say it to them, but she had a feeling her mom knew more than she was letting on.

A scream was heard as they left the building. On one hand, Randy was angry that another day was interrupted by a monster or a robot. But on the other he at least had something to take his anger out on. “Hey Julian, I’m just going to double check to make sure I paid so I’ll be back in like a minute.” Randy then went inside of the Game Hole found a place to hide and put on the mask.

“Smoke bomb!” He yelled when he manifested on top of the car. He quickly saw the monster. A wolf like creature with a camera for a head. “Heidi?” He looked at the monster in confusion. Surely it can’t be her, the camera was already destroyed. The monster ran right past him and began charging towards Theresa.

But it didn’t lay a single claw on her. Instead of keeping its distance and just staring at her. Slowly moving around the cheerleader just observing her every action. The monster only destroyed what blocked its view. “Really that’s all you’re going to do. You’re just going to stare at her!” Well it was a good thing that Heidi wasn’t destroying anything or hurting anyone. Randy still was disappointed that he couldn’t have a fun fight. “Ok, nunchucks.” He says with virtually no enthusiasm. Randy ran over and smashes the lens of Heidi‘s camera face causing her to return to destank.

She looked around, confused how she ended up so far away from her house. As she stood up, she saw Theresa. Heidi immediately grabbed her camera and tried to start filming before realizing it had been destroyed. “What happened?”

“You turned into a monster and I had to destroy your camera.” Randy was really starting to get tired with her intrusive style of journalism. “This wouldn’t have happened if you just asked Theresa for permission before making the announcement about the interview.” Randy pointed at Theresa when he said her name and Heidi got an idea. “Hey Theresa would you like to do an interview?” She said with her best nice girl voice and smile.

“No.” Theresa then got on her bike and left. Randy then spoke to Heidi again. “Stop being a shoob who is prying into everyone’s business.”

“Gosh you sound just like Ruby.” Randy didn’t even dignify her comment with a response. He just smoked bombed away. As soon as the mask was removed, Randy approached Julian and they began to bike home. The couple would part ways at Julian‘s house. “Well the date could’ve gone better.” Randy agreed with Julian‘s statement. “Well I still had a good time.” Randy said before he kissed Julian on the lips. He then walked Julian to his door before biking home. Julian spent the rest of his evening getting ready for bed and taking care of Talos. The cat crawled up to him and purred “Yes Randy is quite the gentleman.” Julian then gave Talos a pat on the head before brushing his teeth.

Since Julian had been making steady progress and conquering his fear of mirrors. He was able to examine his reflection more closely than he had for the last two years. And he couldn’t help, but noticed the small stripe of white hair had gotten bigger. It only appeared to have gotten bigger by a few strands, but Julian had a keen eye for detail. “Probably just from the stress i’ve been under.” He told himself as he slept under the covers of his bed. It was a believable explanation.

He knew his great grandfather had gone gray in his early 30s after he witnessed the crash of the global economy. So yeah, probably just ran in the family. He kept telling himself I see drift to sleep.

Chapter Text

-Several nights earlier
Catfish was alone in the shack he called home. He was attempting to carve a talisman to start practising his voodoo again. “That’s right everyone, tomorrow I’ll get an interview with the werewolf of Norrisville. The one and only Theresa Fowler.”

Catfish stopped carving. “Garou.”

-Present Day
Randy, Howard, Theresa and Julian were in the swamp dining at a local restaurant. “I don’t get the appeal of cajun food.” Randy said to his friends. “Or southern food in general. Well except for fried chicken.”

“How can you be from here and not like this type of food.” Theresa asked before eating another hushpuppy. “I was born in New York.” Even though he was born there Randy hardly considered himself a New Yorker. His family moved to Norrisville shortly before the September Eleven attacks. “My dad was from Dumfries and Galloway, and my mom was from Fukushima.”

“Well Howard also isn’t from this area, and well.” Theresa pointed at Howard who was eating shrimp by the hand full. “Well Howard is also…” Randy was interrupted by Howard. “Don’t you dare Cunningham.”

“A person who has a very wide pallet.”

“That’s what I thought.” Howard then continued eating. Randy’s attention was pulled away from his best friend when he heard a familiar voice. “I’s take two of youse hush puppies and an order of craw dads.” Randy immediately covered his head with his hoodie and tapped his friend on the shoulder. “Keep your head down. It’s Catfish.” Howard shoved his face into a fresh box of crawfish.

Catfish sat down uncomfortably close to them. Eventually, the tension became too much, and Randy slipped away with his friends. Fortunately, they weren’t noticed. “So do you two have a history that I don’t know about.” Theresa asked as they walked home. “Ya, me and Randy ended up trespassing on his land back in freshman year.” Before he continued his story Howard pulled a handful of shrimps out of his to go bucket. “Cunningham got tied to the front of his truck like a dead animal, and he nearly turned me into gumbo.”

“So there’s a cannibal redneck within walking distance of our school.” Theresa wasn’t even really surprised by the realization. “Wow, Fowler you don’t seem very surprised by this.”

“Why would I be!” Theresa eyes became wolf like when she shouted. “The school has a private ninja who’s over 800 years old. It gets attacked by monsters on a weekly basis, some of which are students. There was a crazy wizard who lived beneath the school. Julian got replaced by a doppelgänger for six months and I turned into a werewolf!” After finishing her rant, she regain control of her emotions. “Un, Deux, Trois, Quatre, Cinq.” Her eyes returned to normal. “That’s better.” A moment of silence followed.

Julian interrupted the moment of silence. “I think we should take the short way home.” He pointed to the older path that took everyone directly through the swamp. “Are you sure about that.” Randy really didn’t want to risk encountering Catfish again. “I doubt we’ll run into the local cannibal.” Julian was the first one to step foot on the path. Randy swallowed a lump in his throat. “I’ll just take the long way home, so I’ll see tomorrow ok.” Randy then began walking down the longer trail as the rest of his friends follow Julian. When Randy was sure none of them could see him he slipped on the mask.

“Are you sure you know this path Julian?” Asked Howard. Julian quickly answered his friend’s question. “I come out here to watch the bats.” The group heard a stick break and turned around to see the ninja standing behind them. “So this guy name Randy told me to come make sure you were OK. He seemed really worried.” Julian and Howard both rolled their eyes at what the ninja said.

“So are you going to escort us out of here.” Asked Theresa. “Why yes I am.” The ninja stuck by them, acting as their bodyguard protecting them from anything that might be lurking in the swamp. “So ninja I don’t think I’ve been able to properly thank you for all the time you’ve saved me and my friends.” Theresa is acting very sheepish around him. “Can I hold your hand?”

“Well… I need to keep both hands available at all times.” Theresa gave him puppy dog eyes. Randy looked at Julian who just nodded at him. That was his way of saying ‘yeah you can hold her hand’. “Ok I’ll make an exception. This one time just for you.” He held out his hand and she took it.

Eventually, their peaceful walk welcome to an end when Theresa was caught by a snare trap. “Cut me down!” Randy was worried her yelling would attract unwanted attention. He quickly cut down the thin wire that was holding her upside down. “Theresa you good?”

“No I hit my head.” There was an incredibly small streak of blood coming down from her forehead. “Don’t worry Theresa, I’ll carry you.” Randy lifted her up. The suit enhance his strain enough to be able to carry her comfortably at least for a short while.

When they saw the top of the school through the canopy of the trees they knew they were close, but that’s when they hurt the banjo. And then they heard the growling. “Why hello again Mr. Bagel. I’s thought that we’s gonna neva meat again.” Catfish stood behind them, armed with a shotgun and an angry looking panther at his side. “And now I’s see youse criss-crossing 'gain.”

The redneck slowly began moving forward. “But youse ain’t the one I’s got my eye on.” He kept his gun firmly locked on Randy. “Chatte, the Garou!” The Panther pounce on Theresa and began dragging her deeper into the swamp. Howard and Julian duct for cover anticipating a shotgun blast coming their direction. Randy drew his sword and began charging towards the panther. “Let her go!” He yelled as he jumped towards the creature, but his attack was intercepted midair by the swipe of a bear claw.

The blow sent him flying backwards into a tree, hitting his head and giving him a mild concussion. The bear charged him, but Randy was barely able to dodge it. “Ninja knockout arrow!” He quickly pulled his bow and fired a tranquilizer arrow at the bear. It hit the bear in its shoulder and the beast just shrugged it off. “Oh yeah these take a moment to work.” Randy then spent the next five minutes trying to not die.

As Randy was fighting off the bear, Julian and Howard tried to crawl away, but were quickly captured. Both of them were hog tied and taken to Catfish‘s cabin. When he arrived with his two prisoners, he left them out on the floor as he tossed Theresa into a cage. “Now we’s see if Reginald Bagel comes and save youse.”

Julian and Theresa both looked confused by the name Catfish mentioned. Julian was able to figure out quickly that Randy had used a false name of dealing with this nut job of man. But Theresa didn’t have any of the metaphorical pieces she would’ve needed you to figure out why their kidnapper said that name. “He moved away last year.” She told Catfish.

“But he was with youse?”

“Wait, you thought Reginald Bagel was the ninja.” Theresa began laughing so hard it began to hurt. “You seriously thought he was the ninja. Oh my gosh, I have to tell Debbie this, just imagine the title. Local redneck thanks Reginald Bagel is the ninja.”

Her laughter angered Catfish who slammed his fist on top of her cage. “That’s was what he says his name was!” Julian spoke up. “Theresa, I think it would be best to not anger our host.”

“The goth boy is right. And I’s knows what he look like. And that ginger boy can prove it.” Catfish pointed to Howard. “I plead the fifth!” He yelled.

Catfish held up a small carving of wolf. The wooden trinket had an unusual purple glow. “Venimeux! Over here.” A common cottonmouth slivered towards Howard. “One bite of him and youse dead. And if youse lie youse get bit.”

“Now the ninja has purple hair and is smaller than the goth.” Howard nodded his head in agreement. “You’re right even though it’s more of a tryian than standard purple.” The snake hissed at him. “But I’m getting lost in the weeds.” Howard put on a very forced smile. “And you’re completely right about the height thing.”

Catfish continue to list of various features of the ninja. Everything from his deep blue eyes. To his choice of clothing. And Howard just nodded along. Even though Theresa knew Howard could easily just be afraid of being bitten for not going along with Catfish’s demented talent show for pets. She just couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he was telling the truth. The description he gave reminded someone who is very close to her. “Ok why did you even kidnap us?”

“Well I’s want to make some gumbo.” Catfish look down at Howard. “Ands I’s always wanted a Garou.” The idea of this man puppeteer her as an attack dog was disturbing and horrifying. “Maybe makes youse into a fur coat. Or gets youse to rob some banks?” Catfish kept rambling on about what he could do. But just before he actually began preparing to cast a spell the ninja appeared. “Catfish!” He yelled as the orange cloud of smoke dissipated. “Let my friends go or there will be consequences.” The ninja drew his sword. “Mr. Ninja, I’s just found out that you lies to me 'bout youse name. And I’s don’t like lies.” Catfish then aimed the gun at the ninja, but it was sliced in two before he could fire it. “All I’s gonna do was eat youse friend.”

“You’re a psychopath.” As Randy and Catfish fought Julian used his magic to burn the rope wrapped around his body. He then burned through the ropes binding Howard and melted the lock on Theresa‘s cage. “I want you to run.” Julian said to his cousin. “I want you to run until your heart can lick or pump blood in your lungs can no longer inhale oxygen!” Tears began pouring down his eyes as he contemplated. This could be his death. She understood that he wasn’t going to let her stay so she fulfilled what could very well be his last wish and she ran.

She ran for the swamp dodging crocodiles, panther and snakes. Eventually, her body began to change like it did on Halloween, but they were different. It wasn’t a full transformation. Only partial or muscle screw, and her body became covered in more hair, but she didn’t become a full werewolf. Instead she resembled a more beast like human. Something that many would call a wolfman. By the time she reached the clearing, her transformation reversed, and she fell onto the ground and screamed. Eventually, somebody called the police and they came to see what was the commotion. Theresa then simply pointed in the direction where she ran from before passing out.

By the time the police found the shack it was on fire, and the ninja was trying to help two young men find their way home. “What in tarnation happened here?” One of the officers said. “Crazy redneck… cannibal… Runepriest.” The ninja coughed between each word. “That’s happened. Now I need to sleep, smoke bomb.” he didn’t even toss the smoke bomb to the ground. Instead, he just fell on. Which still detonated it causing him to disappear into the cloud.

The investigation was over quickly. Everyone in town trusted the ninja, and the two boys and girl told solid stories that didn’t contradict one another. There was just one problem, Catfish Booray didn’t appear to exist.

There was no record of that name in any database.

-At the hospital
Theresa was lying on her bed with an IV tube in her arm. She listen to the doctors tell her the things they had told her when her first transformation occurred. “You can’t transform at random. It takes a lot out of you, literally.” The doctor tapped the tip of his pen on his paper to emphasize his point. “In the last ten days you have lost 20 pounds. And you were already under weight before you started transforming.” Theresa felt her stomach growling. “I understand. So can you please bring me dinner? Actually make it two just to be safe.” The doctor rolled his eyes, and got one of the nurses to do as she said. She had both meals completely scarfed down within a few minutes.

Julian came to visit her shortly after she finished eating. “Hey, Theresa” He sat down in the chair next to her bed. “I’ve come to inform you that everyone made it out OK.” She felt like a weight had just been lifted from her shoulder. “Good, and thank you for getting me out of that psycho’s cage.”
She paused for a moment wondering if she should tell him what she discovered. “There is something about Randy… well I think he’s…” Julian covered her mouth with his hand before she could finish. “I know what he is. He knows I know.” He removed his hand from her mouth, allowing her to speak again.

There was only one thing she was able to say. “Ninja.”

-The mountains to the east
There was an old cabin occupied by a man and his family. The man was retired and had lost his sense of sight to diabetes. So to help him during the day, his family hired a worker. The old man enjoyed his conversations with the worker, even if he did have a funny accent. But he was polite, so he never mentioned it. The worker would make wonderful spiced food for the man and his family to enjoy.

But he would always seem to be in a rush to leave before the first member of the family would return home from work. Almost as if he was trying to avoid being spotted. “Heres youse go Mr. Franklin.” The aid worker told Mr. Franklin that this would likely be the last meal using the meat he brought from his family farm down in the Bayou. The meat was an interesting meat. Its flavour was more like that of pork but slightly sweeter. However, its texture was like that of veal.

The worker would also tell the man stories of voodoo and werewolves. And he told them with such passion and further it almost seems like they were real firsthand accounts.

Chapter Text

2:45 PM
“Why do the shenanigans always have to be on a Friday?” Randy said himself as Principal Slimovitz began speaking over the intercom. “Attention students. I have some bad news. We’re going to be snowed in. But don’t panic, we’ll be out of here relatively soon.” Howard turned to look at Randy. “He’s gotta be pulling our chain.” Said Howard. “There is no way that we could possibly get snowed in. Teacher open the window!” Demanded Howard.

The teacher got up from his desk and pulled up the blinds, revealing a massive snowstorm. “This is a joke right?” Howard was dumbfounded by how they were getting enough snow in bloody Oklahoma to actually snow them in. “Don’t worry class, everything will be okay.” The teacher said, his emotionless voice did little to comfort his students.

3:10 PM
The TVs in the school came to life as a news broadcast popped up on screen. “Heidi Weinerman here live outside of Norrisville High, which is currently in the process of being covered by snow.” Randy and Howard still couldn’t believe that Heidi actually got a job right out of high school with a news station, let alone how she was still able to run her gossip blog and show. “In fact the storm is so strong that I’m told I need to… enter the school for my own safety.” The two boys could just see the life leave her body the moment the realization hit her.

When Heidi entered the building, she was immediately greeted by Howard and Randy. “Oh hey Howard and Sandy.” Randy didn’t even bother trying to correct her. “Randall, the principal would like to speak to you.” Julian said as he held his boyfriend‘s hand.

3:30 PM
“So Randy… I see that you aren’t doing too well in your classes.” Randy had no idea why now of all times Principal Slimovitz was bringing up his academic failures. “But there is a solution. I want you to be a hero!”

“What do you mean by hero?” Randy had a suspicious feeling that Principal Slimovitz was going to have him do something stupid. “I need you to carry out an ‘expedition’ to ‘save’ the school.” it was clear that Principal Slimovitz had lost his honkin’ mind. “So I want you to put this jacket on and get on out there!”

“So you want me to freeze my balls of for extra credit.” Principal Slimovitz nodes his head confirming Randy’s suspicion. “Yah, that’s pretty much the long and short of it.”

“Where am I supposed to even go.”

“I need you to go give this note to Bash Johnson.” Principal Slimovitz handed Randy the note. The letter was a legal document, giving McFist the all clear to drive his new experimental snowblower around the school. “Now Johnson is going to be waiting at the Kafee-Café.”

“Why can you just email the permission slip to McFist?” Principal Slimovitz sighed softly. “He wants it in paper.” Randy could tell that Principal Slimovitz was tired. Being the principal of Norrisville High was rough on him.

4:05 PM
Julian sat by himself in the corner of the metalworking room, reading Lord of the flies. Julian wasn’t even taking metalworking. But Ward Smith would allow him to spend some quiet time in the room, under a friend of the ninja is a friend of mine system. Theresa was in the other corner texting on her phone. “Hey Julian.”

Julian looked up from his book and placed his book marker on the page. “How are things between you and Randy right now?” Julian could immediately tell something was bothering her. “Quite well all things considered.” Theresa ponder Julian‘s answer for a moment. “I’m glad to hear that.” She said to the Goth boy. “I think you two make a cool couple.”

“If there’s something you have to talk about I’m willing to listen.” Julian got up and walked over to her. He placed his hand on hers. His warm and soft hands contradicting his cold victorian era appearance. “Yule…” the use of his childhood nickname told Julian that she really needed to talk. “I’m happy for you to be with Randy. But, I feel bad for breaking up with him.”

“Tess…” the mention of her childhood nickname brought some comfort to the uneasy girl. “Don’t be hard on yourself. You didn’t know who Randy was.” Julian spoke with a warmth and kindness that could from a close friend. “He also made sure that the breakup didn’t ruin our friend group.”

“I know, but I still feel… well a bitch.” Julian was taken back by what she said about herself. Yet even though her words were harsh a small smile still began to cross her face. “But now I’m feeling a little bit better.” Julian giggled his usual strange giggle. “I’m glad you were able to get it off your chest.”

4:50 PM
The walk through the snow was long and tiring for Randy. Although the snow storm had only been raging for over an hour, there was already almost a yard of snow on the ground. Each step was like a thousand regular steps. But in the end he was able to endure and make it to the café. After entering the warm building Randy delivered the document to Bash Johnson. Who swiftly got up and left the building, but not before giving Randy a knock on the shoulder. “Really Johnson, really?” Said Randy.

Randy sat down in the newly open chair and noticed the Nomicon was flashing. He got up, walked into the bathroom, opened the book and slept into unconsciousness.

In the book world, he was greeted to a site of a starving and ice cold village. In the centre of the village there were two men fighting. The red man wrapped his hands on the blue man’s neck. Even as the blue man punched the red one, red refused to let go. Eventually a sickening crunch was heard and the blue one went limp. The red man then walked over to a small cart containing a singular loaf of bread. The man quickly ate the bread before entering the foetal position and crying.

Randy looked all around the village and saw the exact same scene playing over and over again with dozens of different participants. When the final battle ended a ninja appeared with large baskets containing fish, bread and fire wood. Then above the ninja the text appeared.

“When in a crisis those who are not monsters, may resort to the actions of monsters.”

After the text disappeared, Randy was returned to the waking world. “How is that all relevant to what happened today?” He said to himself.

5:05 PM
“Corned Beef, that’s what we’re having tonight.” The lunch lady said over the intercom. Heidi was sitting by the other girls with the exception of Theresa. “So do any of you want to go get supper?” Flute Girl asked. “Yah, it wouldn’t hurt.” Said Debbie. Heidi got up and joined her friends on their way to the cafeteria. Howard was already sitting at a table, eating some of the cooked Corned Beef. The girls sat down next to him and began eating their food.

Heidi could immediately tell something was off with the food. With each bite she took she felt angrier. Every time she swallowed some of the food she felt stronger. Her eyes became bloodshot and her muscles twitched. She looked to her side and saw that Flute Girl was having an even worse time. Streaks of blood were flowing down like tears as her gums bled. Her muscles began to swell as her breathing staggered and turned to raspy grunts. “Blood… blood.” She whispered to herself. “There will be blood.”

The whisper soon became a chant as others in the room began joining in. “Blood for him! Blood for him!” Soon one of the chanting students got up, approached the soul vegan in the room and began smashing his face into the table. The vegan screamed in incomprehensible terror as his nose was smashed in by the chanting student. The attacking student didn’t let up until the victims face have been severely disfigured.

Soon a hierarchy began to form among the students with the last position to be filled being that of the leader. A kid in a purple shirt and Flute Girl challenged each other for the leadership position and began to duel. They both dealt and received attacks that were crippling to a normal person. Soon only remain standing, and Flute Girl finished off her opponent with a devastating stomp to the back of the student.

5:15 PM
Randy left the café with a belly full of hot chocolate and fries, he then turned the corner and entered a back alleyway. Then with a puff of orange smoke, he disappeared. Soon the ninja emerged from another cloud of smoke and began making his way to the high school. He used his equipment to swing from building to building like Spider-Man. Soon another smoke bomb went off in the centre of the school’s main entrance. “Don’t be alarmed students.” The ninja said as the smoke dissipated. “I have come to tell you that Randy was successful and help will be on the way.”

The hall way was quiet… the realization hit Randy like a brick. The hallway wasn’t just empty. It was a mess, no it was a bloody mess. Small blood stains dotted the hallway. “What the juice happened?” The sound of a door opened came from behind him. Randy quickly turned around and drew his sword, preparing to strike down anything that came up upon him. “Ninja in here now.” The voices was Bucky’s.

The school storage room had been transformed into an improvised safe house. The improvise safe house had Julian, Theresa, Bucky, Pradeep, a student wearing a red shirt and Principal Slimovitz. Each one of them was relieved to see the ninja had arrived. “Thank goodness you got here.” Julian said. “We were nearly ripped to shreds by the mob.” Randy raise an eyebrow. “I want you to calmly tell me what happened.” Randy tried his best to comfort his fellow students.

“The people in the cafeteria began turning into these maniacs?” Bucky cried as he recounted his first hand experience. “Some even grew bull horns and hooves!” Bucky entered the foetal position and began to rock back-and-forth. “I think they were turning into… Minotaurs!”

Randy got on his knees and placed his hand on Bucky‘s shoulder. The warmth from the ninja’s hand helped comfort Bucky. “I want you to be brave for me, okay.” Bucky‘s tears began to dry as he calmed down. “Just need a hug. Is that okay, ninja?” Randy hugged Bucky. “Hey Pradeep, can you please stay with Bucky.”

“So ninja, do you have any plans to get us out of this?” Asked Principal Slimovitz. “Help me put something heavy in front of the door as I try to figure something out.” Said Randy, Julian got up and began helping his boyfriend with the heavy lifting. Even though he was of little help, Randy still appreciated the intent behind the action. “Thank you, um Julian?” Randy enjoyed playing dumb, even if it was a little childish.

Randy spotted another box they could use as a barricade. “I wouldn’t touch that.” Said Theresa. “Those are the cans that started this nightmare.” He stopped moving the box and began to carefully examine the contents of it. “Khorned Beef.” Randy looked at the box which stored the cans of contaminated beef. “Principal Slimovitz, where did this beef come from?” The principal turn to look at the ninja. “Walmart, or was it Target.”

“You don’t know where the food in the cafeteria comes from?” Randy yelled at the principal. Principal Slimovitz attempted to defend himself. “Look ninja, I know it sounds bad, but…” Principal Slimovitz struggled to come up with a defence and was left uming and ahing. “Okay maybe it is bad, but that’s not an excuse for the students to turn into bloodthirsty barbarians.”

Randy took a moment to calm down, fighting back against the urge to strangle his principal. “What if the beef did this to them?” Said Randy as he tossed Principal Slimovitz a can of beef. “Really ninja, you think it was the beef?” The principal was dumbfounded by the explanation. Randy sighed. “Three years ago half of the town became zombies because they ate some candy. I don’t think evil beef is any more unbelievable.”

“Ok well… I… I have nothing to say.” The room was filled with an awkward silence for a moment before the principal spoke again. “So how are we going to get out of this situation.”

“Well, I’ll just go crawl through the vents and see if I can find a way to cure them.” Randy hoped into one of the air vents and began crawling through. It was an uncomfortably tight squeeze, but he managed it. Eventually he looked through one of the registers and saw Howard, who had became a larger than an average Minotaur.

He began looking through his pockets, trying to find something that could help cure his friend. Eventually, he found a small ball that was golden in colour and had a hammer drawn on it. He didn’t know why, but this ball felt like it would be the cure. So as a Hail Mary, he tossed it towards Howard. The ball hit Howard and released a bright golden light that cured him. “Howard get in.” Randy whispered to his friend. You then helped Howard into the vent and brought him back to where the gain of survivors were held up.

“OK, Mr. Smith’s room is completely monster free so we’ll just take the vents there.” Randy confidently told the group. “Then I’ll just find a way to hit every student with these balls.” Everyone just kind of agreed to go along with the plan. It’s not like they had anything better. As Randy was helping them one by one into the vent disaster would strike.

“Holy macaroni, they killed Kennedy!” Bucky screamed as he witnessed the boy being broken. “Those monsters!” Pradeep shouted. More of the corrupted students began to gather around the room, trying to break in. “Hurry!” Randy shouted as he sped up his process of getting each survivor into the air vents.

7:00 PM
After everyone made it to Ward Smith’s room Randy began formulating a plan to deal with the other students. He had what appeared to be an unlimited supply of the blessed balls as he was calling them. “OK, I have an idea.” The ninja began giving everyone bags that contained dozens of the balls. he explained how the balls were a cure, and how they should be thrown at large groups. This wouldn’t just be done to maximize the likelihood of a hit, but to hopefully cure multiple students at once. Eventually, the survivors left room and began pelting the students with the balls. Ball after ball were tossed and students were cured left, right and center.

Unfortunately, not everything went perfectly. Julian and Theresa were surrounded resulted in Julian needing to use his magic to hold them off. He used his pyrokinetic abilities to form small will-o'-wisps which kept the students at bay. Theresa then unleashed barrage of balls upon their attackers. “Wow you’re getting good at your magic.” The compliment made Julian smile.

Randy kept moving forward curing each student in his way. Soon he was kicking down the doors of the cafeteria. That’s when he saw what had become of Flute Girl. She was by far the largest of the creatures Randy had seen. Her skin had turned into a bright red and dark black horns grew from her head. Her feet were completely replaced by hooves with sharp nails that look like they were designed to gore any unfortunate opponents. She began to approach Randy and stared him down, like a gorilla asserting dominance.

As he gazes into the eyes of Flute Girl, his mind was transported to a world of forbidden information. It felt similar to how it did when entering the nomicon. He saw an alien race abandoned their mortal forms in favour of cold heartless steel so they could wage an intergalactic war that lasted millions of years on behalf of the true gods of the universe. He saw how the weapons of the dead race were nearly beyond human comprehension. Entire planets put to the torch with a single flick of a switch. Suns completely crushed by an unknown force. Creatures turned to dust in milliseconds after being hit by bright green lasers. He saw this all in so much more.

He saw the true god of the physical universe. One was the incarnation of death cloaked in shadows slaying entire worlds. Another was nothing, nothing in the sense of true oblivion the complete absence of thought. The absence that could only come from inorganic matter. Then he gazed upon the great deceiver. The one who let the dead race to their destruction. How it used its silver tongue to manipulate them into the maw of this star vampires.

Randy’s mind was overwhelmed as he witnessed the scale of the war that these star vampires had waged. A war so brutal that it broke something fundamental within the reality of the universe and created the God of War. He saw two other gods come to be. One was a god of change, but change without an end goal. The other was a god of stagnation, but also death and rebirth. The psychic impact these beings had imprinted themselves upon every soul in the universe.

But none wear as deep as the ones cast by the God of war.

Ares, Seaxnēat, Týr, Mars and Futsunushi were just a few of the names humanity knew this thing as. And it knew humanity as well.

It personally knew Alexander the Great, Julius Cesar, Attila, Harald Hardrada, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane and Ivan the Terrible. These men were champions and loyal servants of the being. But the being never considered all of humanity to be its mortal army only these men had the privilege of that. The Somme changed that. It permanently altered the way it viewed humanity. The single bloodiest day in military history brought great joy to this god. And from then on it consider to humanity to be its adopted child.

Randy then heard the beast speak. Not with words, instead it was like the thing was speaking directly inside his head. “Listen to me, Randy Cunningham.” The voice was incredibly masculine and carried an authoritative tone. And somehow it knew his name. “I can see your strength and sense that there is anger deep in you.” What it was saying wasn’t wrong, Randy did have anger in him. Anger towards McFist, Mr. K and even himself for his failures. “If you surrender yourself to that anger you would reach your full potential. In fact, you wouldn’t even need the mask anymore.” Randy’s mine was flooded with images of him wearing hides of dead animals and raiding villages. He saw himself slaughtering entire villages in the name of this monster. “This could be yours if you agree to serve the God of rage.”

“No!” Shouted Randy in defiance of the creature. “You’re out of your honking mind if you think I will ever serve something like you!” The being just laughed at his display of resistance. “Then so be it. I shall add your skull to my throne.” And with the snap of a finger, Randy was sent back to the land of the waking.

“Skull!” Flute Girl growled at him as she charged into combat. She slammed her hooves down with enough force to break the floor. “Ninja magic cure all balls!” Randy tossed a dozen of the balls at her, but they warrant to able to cure her. “Shoot.” He said before dodge rolling away from one of her incoming attacks. “Ok so are you like stanked?” Randy’s question only angered her. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He quickly had to dodge an incoming table after he finished speaking.

His eyes started around the room for anything that she might’ve considered to be valuable. The first thing to catch his eye, was her flute hanging out of her backpack. “Ninja pistol trick shot!” Randy pulled out one of his black powder pistols and fired it at the ceiling. The round ricocheted off of the ceiling and struck the flute. Completely destroying it. But Flute Girl did not return to normal.

Randy proceeded to run around like a chicken without its head for the next five minutes. He destroyed nearly every object that she could’ve considered to be valuable. “Think, just think!” He yelled to himself as he desperately try to find a solution. His brainstorming session was brought to a swift and by a headbutt from Flute Girl. The attack sent him flying into the nearby wall. “Ow.” Randy could feel that his arm was dislocated and he had to quickly run to cover to heal it before Flute Girl could deliver another attack.

When she attacked him again, she once again used her horns. And then finally, Randy realized it. “The horns!” He yelled as he jumped into action. Both hands wrapped tightly around the hilt of his blade. With a single powerful sweet of his sword, he sliced the horns into and a cloud of red smoke and emerged from them as Flute Girl returned back to a normal human. “Uh, what just happened?” Flute Girl looked around in confusion.

“Red stank mad cow disease.” Randy said before he smoke bombed away.

7:30 PM
“Well Viceroy, remember when you said that manufacturing the world‘s largest snow plough would be a waste of money.” Hannibal had a cocky smile all over his face. The type of smile, that made Viceroy wish his boss would take an air fist to the face. “Of course I do. I told you that last week.”

“Well was it still a bad investment.” Hannibal’s sense of superiority was so thick it could be cut with a knife. “Well it’s was a once in a lifetime event. So we’ll still struggle to recuperate the losses.” Hannibal snarled at Viceroy’s comment. “Unless we continue to destabilize the climate, causing extreme weather events like this to become more common.”

“I like the way you think Viceroy.” Hannibal put the machine into overdrive and began rapidly clearing away the snow. Within five minutes all the snow have been cleared and the students were finally free to leave.

8:00 PM
Randy sat down on his bed and opened up the Nomicon. He was dragged into the world of the book and found himself standing before the First Ninja. “I take it that you need to speak with me?”

“Yeah, it’s about what happened and the lesson from earlier.” The First Ninja could tell Randy was deeply disturbed by what he had seen. “That lesson was something them I saw with my own eyes.” He placed a hand on Randy shoulder, trying to comfort the young man. “Long before I dedicated myself to stopping the Sorcerer, me and my brothers were given the job of bring food down to a starving village. This happened during a time of unrest when the local daimyo had basically given up control of the rural areas.” There was a twitch of anger in the face of the First Ninja when he mentioned the daimyo. “Bandits had been stopping any food shipments from entering the town so we had to fight our way down there. And what we saw was… you already know.” A tear slid down his face.

Randy places his hands into his pockets. “That wasn’t the only thing I wanted to talk about. I saw something in her eyes.” The First Ninja’s response was uncharacteristic, he gave Randy a hug. “Look if you need to talk I’m here, but you have others you can speak with. People who know you not as a student, but as a friend.” The hug came to an end and First Ninja wiped the tear away from his face. “Like Howard and that mage who you brought in last month.”

“You mean Julian?” Randy blushed. “We are just a little bit more than just friends now.”

“Nice.” The First Ninja gave Randy a fist bump before allowing him to leave the book. As soon as Randy was fully back in the land of the waking, he received a text from Julian.

Julian: Hey darling. I just wanted to let you know I’m home now.

A photo was attached to the text. It was a selfie of Julian lying down on his bed. But there was something a little bit off about his hair. Randy couldn’t tell if it was just the exhaustion getting to him or if the white stripe had gotten slightly larger.

Chapter Text

It was lunchtime, and Der Monster Klub was setting at their usual spot discussing what has been happening, with the exception of the demon invasion last week. “Have you noticed how Janis Leugengeit has been on a prank rampage lately?” Dave said as he cleaned his accordion. Julian answered Dave’s question. “Yeah she has been a little more extravagant lately.” Theresa said something under her breath when Janis was mentioned. And Randy had no idea who they were talking about.

“Who’s Janis Leugengeit?” Everyone in the cafeteria gasped and turned towards Randy. “Cunningham how have you not heard of her?” Howard said to his friend who then replied. “I don’t know. I guess I don’t pay attention to that type of stuff.” Dave decided to fill in Randy on what Janis had done. “She tricked the basketball team into driving downtown to challenging a nonexistent high school for the county championship belt.”

Randy couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re joking, right?” Dave shook his head. “No, I wish I was.”

“Hey, I heard you were talking about yours truly.” The sudden arrival of Janis caused Dave to faint. Juggo had to carry him to the school‘s nurse as Janis took his seat. “So Randy, I hear you’re unfamiliar with me.” Janis extended her hand towards Randy. Randy excepted the handshake, but he received a painful electric shock as payment. “Ow! What the juice was that for?” Janis just laughed. “It’s just a little taste of my magic.” She then strolled away from the group humming to herself.

On the other side of the cafeteria, Konrad was enjoying a taco. He had been keeping an eye on the last few suspects for who the ninja was. And right now, Janis seemed awfully suspicious. She was the last girl on the list and had never been seen with the ninja in the same room as her. In fact, she claimed to be a very close friend of the ninja. Shortly after Janis had left the cafeteria a stream could be heard. “Oh Junge.” ‘Oh boy.’ Konrad immediately braced for what everyone knew was about to happen.

Just as he put his head beneath the table, a monster slammed through the wall. The creature looked like a malnourished deer that stood on two legs and had to razor sharp claws. And it smelled like death. The creature had the ability to throw up a putrid substance that smelled even worse than it did. And right before the table Konrad was under was about to be hit the ninja appeared. “Oh… that’s nasty! What did you eat?” Konrad could tell the ninja was fighting to keep the contents of his stomach within himself.

The fight was short, but the idiot redhead known as Howard ended up getting hit by the puke attack. And was subsequently sent home early, because the unholy smell had fully absorbed itself into his clothing. Randy, the student who Konrad now truly believed was a coward on account of him never being anywhere near danger. Somehow also got the putrid substance on his body. ‘Probably was hiding in a trashcan’ Konrad thought to himself.

Unlike Howard, Randy actually had a spare set of clothes that he kept around in case something like this ever happened. So he was able to remain the rest of the day, but his clothes were sent with the redhead to be washed.

After the unskanked student regained her mental capabilities Konrad requested to speak with her after class. She was one of his students after all so he felt some responsibility to make sure she was ok. That was something that Konrad still couldn’t wrap his mind around. Konrad didn’t know why he actually cared for his students, most of them were just supposed to be a means to an end, but something in him told him to care.

-After school
“So Jesse, what happened?”

Jesse looked at her teacher with a look of shame. “It’s Janis, she’s been spreading rumours about me. Very nasty rumors.” Konrad to listen to the student talk as he thought about Janis. He began wondering if the ninja had a hero complex. Intentionally causing problems just to save the day. It made sense too much sense in fact. Eventually, he determined that she probably was the ninja. Although his simple probability calculations were probably altered by the fact he just wanted to get rid of a troublesome student. After Jesse left, Konrad talked to himself.

“Oh Janis Leugengeit, ich hoffe, du genießt deinen letzten Tag auf Erden.”

‘Oh Janis Leugengeit, I hope you enjoy your last day on earth.’ Konrad was laughing like a maniac. In fact, his laughing was so loud Julian was able to overhear him. Julian immediately ran to Randy to tell him about Konrad’s pending assassination attempt on Janis. Randy quickly realize that he could just show up next to her just with the mask on, and she would no longer have a target on her back. But there was just one problem. The mask was being washed by Howard.

So Randy put his mind to work trying to figure out a way to protect her from the Mr. K. And eventually came up with an idea. Randy walked over to Janis who was reading a note. “Hey Janis, I heard you are a fan of the ninja.” Janis smiled brighter than the sun. “I’m his biggest fan! And we are best friends!”

“Well so am I. We have so much income.” Randy gave a painfully forced laugh. “Hey how about we hang out for a bit.” Janis agreed to Randy’s request. She even suggested that they should head to The Alt Fashion Club. Which was a brand new store that had just opened last month. Randy wasn’t particularly interested in their brand of clothing, but he was pretty sure he could find something for Julian there. So the two of them headed to the store.

-Konrad‘s house.
Konrad began rummaging through his cabinet of weapons, looking for his sniper rifle. He quickly found it and placed it into his carrying case and headed out to find Janis. He knew she was heading to that fashion store. After all he was the one who wrote the note. Víðarr then left the note in her locker right after Konrad finished writing it.

When he reached the store, he began setting up his rifle on top of a building just down the street. All he had to do was wait for her pull the trigger and watch as her blood painted the sidewalk red. It would be seen as an indiscriminate killing that could’ve happened to anyone. Hell if he kills a few more people in the same way, it could be blamed on a nonexistent serial killer.

Soon Janis was walking up to the store with Randy right beside her. Konrad never liked Randy, even though he had already been ruled out as a suspect he still found him to be very annoying. “Wir sehen uns in der Hölle, Ninja.” ‘See you in hell, Ninja.’ Just before Konrad pulled the trigger a seagull landed right beside him and began to peck and squawk at him. By the time he scared the bird away, Janis had entered the building.

Konrad was only a little annoyed. He still had all day to blow her brains out. He just had to wait for her to leave the store. Inside the store, Janis was looking for any sign. The ninja had actually been there. She was disappointed to find nothing. “So you know the ninja?” Randy‘s question gave her a bit of a freight. “Yay I totally do.” She said with a smug smile. “We’re like best friends.”

“Well why don’t you tell me about him.” Randy told her as he looked for a Christmas present for Julian. She spent nearly an hour yapping about how much she loved the ninja and how they were totally the best of friends. Of course it was all lies, but Randy couldn’t exactly tell that to her.

-The Sniper’s Nest
Konrad had been waiting for an hour. He didn’t want the reflection from the scope to give away what he was holding, so he laid his rifle down by his side. And watch the street with his eyes and a pair of binoculars. After another half an hour past, he opened up a sandwich and began to eat dinner. Just after he took his first bite, a flock of pigeons began forming around him.

“Coo, coo.” They chirped in near unison. Konrad stubbornly held onto his sandwich refusing to let the birds take it. Yet the birds refused to take no for an answer. They went into an all out assault on him and ripped the sandwich to shreds and caused him to rip his pant leg. After the birds left, Konrad checked his upper thigh to see if it was lacerated. Fortunately, all he saw was an old scar that consisted of the letters RAF which had been carved into his inner thigh many years ago. After he had fully regained his bearings, he looked over the edge to see his target was leaving with Randy.

He quickly ran down a flight of stairs and hopped into a van. He then began to trail behind the two students.

-The Park
Randy had been listening to Janis lie about the ninja for nearly two hours. “Janis? Does the ninja know about your prank?” She went dead silent the moment Randy asked the question. “What? Why do you ask?” Before Randy could go into a speech about how a true ninja doesn’t manipulate others for personal entertainment, he received a text from Howard. “Hold on I’ll be back in five.” Randy told Howard, his location and how quickly rush down to give him the mask.

As Randy was waiting for Howard , Janis was standing around. Unbeknownst to her Konrad was climbing a building trying to find a good vantage point to open fire. “One delivery for my bro.” Howard said if he tossed Randy the mask. “Thank, mind if you cover me as I go speak with Janis?” Howard agreed to do what Randy asked. So he hopped into the buses and slipped on the mask and just before he exited them, he heard a gunshot.

Randy quickly realized what was happening when he noticed the bullet hole next to Janis, which had barely missed her. And it didn’t take her long to start running for cover as more bullets fell down upon her barely missing. Randy quickly figure out a way to protect her. “Smoke bombs!” He yelled as he tossed a dozen smoke bombs in her direction, covering her in a layer of orange smoke. “Janis I need you to run!” The woman, took the advice of her hero and ran. The smoke acting as a shield protecting her from the deadly sight of the sniper.

Konrad received a punch to the face as he stared down at the park. “Ninja!” He hissed. “The honking junk got into your brain that makes you think it’s a good idea taking pot shots at a high schooler?” The ninja was livid with anger at Konrad. “I thought she was you!” The assassin yelled as he pulled out a pistol and open fired. Randy ducked and weave between each shot. Randy struck him in the jaw with a haymaker punch. The force of the impact nearly sent the assassin over the edge of the building. He was only saved by Randy quickly using the ninja scarf as a makeshift safety harness. It wrapped itself around his body preventing him from falling. “So in instead of fighting me like a man you take the coward’s approach. And nearly killed an innocent student!”

Randy was horrified by how dispassionately rad answered the question. “When you put it that way I sound like a monster.” Neither of them spoke for a minute, just allowing the gusts of wind to pass by them. “Well until next time ninja.” Konrad quickly pulled out a knife and sliced the scarf, allowing himself to fall into the shadows. When Randy looked down to see where he landed, he was disappointed to find that Konrad had once again quite literally slipped into the shadows.

With Konrad gone now Randy had to make sure that he didn’t harm Janis. He made his way back down to the street level where he found her curled up in an alleyway. “Don’t worry, the sniper is gone.” He told her. When she realized she was speaking to the ninja, her eyes immediately lit up, and she wrapped her arms around him in a big hug. “It’s really you!”

“Yah, it’s me.” Randy allowed her to cry on his shoulder. Eventually, her tear stopped, and she was able to talk again. “Thank you for saving me.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Even though his face was covered by the mask Janis could tell he was smiling. “Now,” his tone switched from being caring to a more paternalistic one, “I heard about you lying about me and your little pranks.” He sat down next to her. Literally getting on her level. “I just want to know why you’re so mean?”

“Well…” Janis struggled to put her feelings into words, “it’s complicated. I’ve never been a very special person. No matter what I did, I always ended up being painfully average.”

“Then one day I realized that lying always gave me better results. So I started doing it again and again.” Randy listened carefully as she continued her story. “I don’t know when I started lying about others. But it felt like I something that was mine and mine alone.” She clenched her fist to emphasize her point. “And eventually, I started to lie to myself.” A shiver ran up her spine before she sighed and nearly cried. “Janis Leugengeit isn’t even my real name. It’s a pseudonym that I use for my pranks.”

There was a moment of silence before Randy spoke up. “Janis, if you keep lying to yourself and others, you’ll never actually know what makes you special.” She took the words of the ninja to heart and gave him a hug. “And please no more pranks.” She giggled softly at him. “Well I can’t make any promises about that one. But I’ll try to make them less mean spirited.”

“Good, that’s all I’m really asking. And no more gossip!” The ninja, made it clear that this was a line in the sand that would not be crossed without repercussions. Of course she didn’t know the reason why he had a no gossip policy. She didn’t know that he knew Heidi all too well. “Cross my heart and hope to die.” Janis said before offering the ninja handshake. Unfortunately, for both of them, she left the joy buzzer on. “Oh gosh! That was an accident, I swear!” The ninja just laughed it off. “Don’t worry I believe you, now smoke bomb.” And with that he disappeared into a cloud of orange smoke.

Soon she left her hiding spot and found Randy waiting for her in the park. “What the heck happened?” He said, play ignorant of the events that just unfolded. “The ninja saved me from some crazy guy.” Randy could tell that she was exhausted and still processing what he just happened. So he called Julian to come pick them up and drive her home. She asked if it would be OK for her to join them at lunch and both agreed.

-The Next day at lunch
“Thanks for inviting me to join you guys.” Janis was excited to speak with people who wanted to know the real her. There was some resistance to her inclusion from Dave, Juggo and Theresa. But the two boys quickly warmed up to her Theresa on the other hand refused to show her any warmth or generosity. Randy figured out that they must’ve had some history together that Theresa probably wouldn’t like to speak about.

On the other side of the cafeteria, Konrad was once again staring at them. He felt hatred of the Klub being brewed deep within him. The events of Halloween proved that Randy wasn’t the ninja, but still, Konrad had his suspicions of the boy. Him the ninja definitely had some connection, but before he could come with a reasonable theory, his train of thought would be interrupted by Debbie. “Hey Mr. Krenz, can I sit down?” he was impressed by the fact, she didn’t call him Mr. K like most of the other students. “Yes the seats are open for the public.”

“Did you hear about what happened at the park last night?” Debbie asked him as he ate part of his lunch. “Yes I read about it in the morning paper.”

“I’m just glad that nobody was injured.” For split second Konrad‘s left eye twitched. It was fast enough that Debbie didn’t realize it happened. “I know a lot of people have issues with Janis, but to try and kill her over it is insane.” The woman sighed before speaking again. “I can’t imagine what would drive someone to murder.”

When he heard Debbie say those words, his mind was transported back to the night he killed for the first time. He thought back to how they left Brussels the night three out of their four leaders were killed in prison. He remembers the sound of the car engine as they drove down the road. He remembers the voices of the three others he was working with, and the cries of the first man he would ever kill. He can still feel the pistol in his hand and the sound of the man’s body hitting the floor of the car after Konrad pulled the trigger.

“Mr. Krenz?” Debbie‘s voice brought Konrad’s mind back into the modern day. “Are you ok?” She asked him. “Yes I’m just a little preoccupied right about.” He told her before finishing his meal and heading to the his class room.

He bumped into Janis as he was leaving the cafeteria. “Sorry Mr. K.” She looked into his eyes when she spoke to him, and she saw nothing but contempt for her. “I’ll just git going.” She slowly backed away from him.

Konrad didn’t speak until she was out of earshot, and even then he only said it in a whisper. “Ich werde Ihren kleinen Club genau im Auge behalten.”

‘I'll keep a close eye on your little club.’

Chapter Text

It was the first annual McFist Breakfast for Families. The food was free and served by the Robo-Apes. And every family that was invited could bring a plus one.

It had been a while since Randy and Howard actually had a proper day to hang out together instead of hanging out together with another person. The puppy love phase between Randy and Julian had ended so both were willing to give each other space when needed. “Thanks for inviting me Mort.”

“Oh no problem.” Mort said cheerfully. “I just wish Heidi was here.” Randy could tell that their relationship had been strained since Mrs. Weinerman had died. “But on the bright side me a Howie get to spend time together.” Mort gave his son a pet on the back.

“Good morning everyone.” The voice of Hannibal McFist played over the loudspeakers. “Today is a very special day, not only is it the first annual McFist Breakfast for Families, but it is also the day I introduce everyone to our new head of Human Resources. Please clap for Ms. Amanda Levay.” Ms. Levay walk onto the stage with a small cage with a rat in it. “Thank you Hannibal.” She said before turning to the audience. “It is an honour to be here in the company of so many hard working employees.”

As Amanda delivered her speech, Randy couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu. “Howard does she seem familiar to you?” Howard took one look at Amanda and rolled his eyes. “I have never seen her before.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I am.” Howard said before eating a whole waffle in a single bite. Even though Howard was sure that she was completely new to them. Randy couldn’t quite shake off the feeling of familiarity. “I’ll be back I need to make a call.” Randy went to the back of the room and called Julian.

Julian was busy petting his cat Talos when his phone buzzed. “Hello?” He said as he gave Talos a scratch under the chin. “Hey babe, dose the name Amanda Levay sound familiar to you?” Julian thought about the question for a moment before answering. “Do you mean Anton Levay?”

“Who?”

“He’s the founder of Satanism.” Julian began to become suspicious of what was happening with Randy. “Is everything ok?”

“This woman is giving me the creeps.” Randy felt a shiver run down his spine. “I swear I know her.”

Talos was frustrated with Julian, not giving him attention so he gave Julian a light playful bite. “Sorry darling. I’ll call you back in five. Talos is being a little irritable.”

-A different part of the building
Konrad was wearing a leotard and warming up for his exercise routine. “Guten Tag Amanda!” He said to her as she entered the small gym he would be using. She took one look at him and cringed. “Really you’re the only person guarding the only unlocked door to the back rooms?”

“Jawohl!” ‘Yes indeed!’ Konrad placed a DVD into the player and began playing his music. The song Virgin Superstar began to play as the lights went dark and Konrad began to dance. “Ugh.” She rolled her eyes at him as she deactivated her magical disguise, turning her back into her hideous true form.

-Julian’s house
Talos was prying at Julian‘s book case. “Talos there’s nothing there for you.” Julian pulled out one of the cat toys and tried to distract him, but Talos was persistent and kept scratching at the bookcase. Julian noticed that he was only scratching at one book in particular.

Julian got down on his knees and examine the book that Talos was fascinated by. It was the book his father got him for his 10th birthday. “The Big Book of Bat? I didn’t release you had an interest in chiropterology.” Julian said half jokingly to the cat. Finding the book made him feel awfully nostalgic, so he opened it up and began reading a random page. “The Easter tube-nosed bat, Nyctimene robinsoni.” Julian read out loud. As he continued to read the page‘s contents, a memory came back to his mind.

He remembered the time he made a sculpture of one of these bats out of the earwax. But he couldn’t exactly remember who it was for. As he dug deeper into his memories, he remembered it was for a woman that he loved. But that felt off, he was gay, not bi.

He stopped reading and focussed entirely and trying to figure out why his memory was so off. “What was her name?” Julian pulled out his diary and began flipping through the pages looking for anything that could help him remember.

“Aha!” He found it, the entry for Valentine’s Day 2014. He pulled on his phone and called Randy. “Hey Julian, is Talos doing better?”

“He’s the reason I found what I’m about to tell you. Do you remember Valentine’s Day 2014?” Randy took a moment to think about his boyfriend‘s question. “Me and Howard argued over who should get to dance with Theresa.”

“Then you need to hear this.” Julian cleared his throat before reading the passage from his diary. “Today was a weird day. Every boy in my homeroom class fell in love with this girl named Amanda.” As Julian continue to read the entry Randy began to remember everything. “Thanks babe. I really need to deal with this.” Randy ended the call. “I need to figure out what she’s up to.” He saw the Nomicon flash red.

“Howard watch my back I got to sloop.” Randy opened the book and passed out. “Howie what just happened to Randy?” More looked at the unconscious boy with concern. “Don’t worry about it dad. Cunningham calls it his quiet place.”

The seeing Randy found himself in resembled a traditional circus. There were strong men, elephants and even a bearded lady. But his focus was drawn towards the centre where a clown was juggling balls.

The clown’s performance was perfectly time to Julius Fucik’s Entry of the Gladiators. “Nomicon? I know that this is part of a lesson.” Randy look around the circus seeing all the attractions and performers before speaking again. “But why did you choose a circus, with that song?” As he looked around the circus yet again he noticed that there was a ninja swinging on the trapeze bars.

The ninja let go and fell to the ground, preparing to fight the clown. The clown didn’t flinch, he just calmly pulled out a pie slammed into the ninja‘s face. After the ninja wiped away the pie, his face began to swell like he was having an allergic reaction. After he fell to the ground, the text appeared above him.

“Fighting an unorthodox opponent in an orthodox method will guarantee your defeat.”

“Ok so I need to out crazy the Sorceress.” The book’s manifestations rolled their eyes at Randy’s comment before the strong man picked them up and put him into a cannon. The cannon fired and Randy was shot into the land of the waking.

“Howard, I need to speak to you in private.” Before the redhead could even answer, Randy was dragging his friend away to the bathroom. “What the juice Cunningham!”

“The Sorceress is back!”

Howard stared at his friend. “I thought you killed him?”

Randy slapped his own face. “I didn’t kill the the Sorcerer, I just got rid off his source of immortality. It’s completely different.”

“Sure buddy, sure.” Howard hated it when Randy was being pedantic. “But you the hell is the Sorceress!” By now it had become obvious to Randy that she was likely manipulating the memories of everyone them to make them forget that Valentine’s Day. “Remember the dance beneath the stars in freshman year.”

“Oh yeah. I remember everyone trying to fight over this girl named Amanda.” Howard looked back fondly on his days as a freshman. “Wait a minute, Amanda?” Howard gasped at the realization.

“Now do you get it.”

“Yeah, what is she even doing?”

“That’s what I need to find out.” Randy put the mask on after speaking and climbed into one of the vents. “Don’t worry man, I’ll cover for you.” Howard yelled. “Ok let’s see what I can do.” Howard smiled as he tempered with the bathroom lock. “Almost there.” He said before he heard a crack coming from the lock. “Yep I definitely broke it.” Now all he has to do is play ignorant of the fact he broke it and pretend to be distressed. Hell, he could even claim that Randy crawled into the vents to go get help.

Randy crawled his way through the vents, looking for an entrance to the back rooms. “Bingo.” He whispered when he saw the vent that led to his destination. Randy lunged towards the ventilation grill cover hoping to use his body weight to knock it down. However, instead of knocking the grill down and landing on his feet. He only bruised his elbow. Randy got closer to the grill and looked through it and saw two Robo-Apes talking to one another.

“Good thing we triple screwed the grills to the walls. Could you imagine what would happen if someone came bursting through with a sword?” The second ape then replied to the first. “I can only imagine how screwed we would be.”

“Hahaha screwed.” The two spoke in perfect unison. Their lifeless machine laughter gave Randy a chill. “Move it!” A third more feminine voice called out. “Why aren’t you two guarding the only unlocked door?” The source of the voice moved into Randy’s line of sight, and she was just as hideous as he remembered. “The Sorceress.” He mouthed the words but did not speak them.

“Sorry Ms. Sorceress.” The first robot said before allowing the second to continue the sentence. “But we are on break.” The first robot then regained the metaphorical talking stick. “And the aerobics room is already guarded.”

“Ugh, so be it. Now get out of my way!” She shoved the two robots to the side and continued down the hallway. Randy turned around and began trying to find a route to the aerobics room. And he was crawling for the vents. He heard the sound of music. He didn’t recognize the song, but he followed it like a moth to a flame. Soon he came across the source of the music, he then quickly and quietly entered the room through the vent in the ceiling. The lyrics began the moment he hit the ground. The room was almost pitch black, forcing him to rely on his enhanced ninja senses to find his way around. The volume of the music caused him to spend a few seconds more than it normally would’ve to get a grip on the situation.

Randy could sense one other body in the room and it didn’t take long for him to realize what was. He stayed there motionless, waiting for Konrad to attack him, but he didn’t. In fact, it seemed like his eyes were closed, and he was singing along to the song. And even possibly dancing.

Randy couldn’t believe an assassin of all people was capable of showing such a carefree and joyful attitude. But when Randy attempted to sneak past, he was hit in the side by a fist of shadows. The attack didn’t come from Konrad instead it came from his wrath.It seemed like the wrath was pupating him around. Konrad‘s body quickly moved towards Randy bringing down a fist which the ninja barely dodged.

The wrath clearly didn’t have full control over the man’s body so instead of his movements being fluid like a human. Instead, they seem to more mechanical almost robotic. Konrad unleashed a shockwave that nearly knocked Randy off his feet. Konrad‘s body then launched several more attacks towards Randy. The ninja struggled to dodge the many of incoming attacks. And when they landed they would hurt like hell.

Their battle continued for several minutes before Randy finally realized that the attacks were time to the beat of the music like a dance. “Fighting an unorthodox opponent in an orthodox method will guarantee your defeat.” He said to himself. “I don’t need to fight, I need to dance.” After he spoke, Randy swore that Konrad began to smile.

As the second verse began, and Konrad went in for another attack Randy was able to pair the attack. The heavier the beet the stronger the corresponding attack. When the chorus began again, both opponents were beginning to tire, and Randy was beginning to lead his opponent towards the only door to the back rooms.

Then just as the song was reaching its climax, Randy was able to slide out of the room and close the door with Konrad being on the wiser. “Well that was unorthodox.” He said to himself before he turned bumped into the two Robo-Apes from earlier. “Look ninja, we are on are government required break. So please do not do anything that would require us to stop you.” Randy stared into the mechanical eyes of the machine that just spoke. “Don’t worry I got you.” Then Randy just slowly walked away from the two robots leaving them to enjoy their government required break time.

-The aerobics room
“Verdammter narr!” ‘Damned fool!’ The voice of a long dead man screeched into the mind of Konrad. “Er ist geflohen.” ‘He escaped.’ Víðarr continue to scratch like a banshee in the mind of Konrad.

-The bathroom
Howard could hear his dad on the other side calling his name. “Dad. Dad!” Howard yelled as he slammed his fist against the door. “Holy moly. Howie are you in there?”

“Me and Randy are stuck in here!”

Mort quickly jumped interaction by calling Gene Levine and telling him to bring his lock breaker. “Don’t worry son, we’ll get you out in no time.”

-The Back rooms
“So this what you want to show me.” Said the Sorceress. “You took time out of my day to show me this fish tank filled with.” She looked at the eel like creature with both horror and fascination. “These things?”

“They’re hagfish.” Viceroy said without any passion in his voice. “I don’t know what Hannibal sees in these slimy atrocities against nature, but he’s the boss.” As the two continue to speak about the Hagfish collection Randy was crawling on the ceiling, preparing to take a shot at the Sorceress. He held his air rifle steady, and slowly lined up a shot that would surely deal with her. He took one final deep breath before he pulled the trigger, and the ball bearing fired out towards her barely missing her by an inch. The ball bearing instead hit the tank containing the hagfish causing the room to be flooded by three parts water and two parts hagfish goo. “Oh lord it’s on my face!” Viceroy screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Ok, now plan.” Randy dove into the water only to surface a moment later covered in the slime. “That is nasty.” He had to stop himself from vomiting all over the place. “Sorceress prepare to face your doom.”

The Sorceress laughed at his threat. “Oh ninja, I wouldn’t be so cocky.” Pink fire appeared in her hand. “Now be gone!” The fire flew forward threatening to burn Randy to a crisp. “Ninja dodge the attack.” he dodged rolled out of the way of the fireball ducking back into the water. Will-o'-the-wisps appeared around her as she channelled a cloud of pink smoke which she slammed down into the water. The ensuing shockwave would send both slime, fish and the ninja flying into the air.

As Randy looked down to the floor, he saw the words again.

“Fighting an unorthodox opponent in an orthodox method will guarantee your defeat.”

“Magic is an unorthodox, which means.” He felt like a genius when he quickly came up with a plan. “Hydro-Hands!” He shot a fist of condensed water directly to the face of the sorceress. The force of the impact was so strong that it cracked the floor. “Now a true fist.” He laughed at his own joke. “Get it, it’s 'cause you work for McFist now.”

“I loath you!” The Sorceress’s spoke through clench teeth.

“Now how do you think we’ll be able to clean this mess up, ninja?” Randy turned to see Viceroy standing there covered in water and slime. Randy shrugged his shoulders.
“Ya, I got nothing.” Then out of nowhere where the floor collapsed and all of them were sent falling onto the first annual McFist Breakfast for Families.

The moment she hit the ground, the Sorceress turned back into Amanda.

“No not the hagfish!” Hannibal yield as he saw his beloved slimy beasts fall to the ground. “Why ninja, why?” He shook Randy trying desperately to get an answer to the question. “Unorthodox tactics.” Was the only thing the ninja could say.

Hannibal quickly calm down when he remembered he was in public. Randy stood up and tried to shake off the slime. but no matter how hard he shook none of it would come off. “What the juice is this slime?” The infernal substance that covered his body made Randy want to jump into an industrial strength cleaning machine. “That’s Hagfish slime ninja.” McFist almost playfully, tapped his mechanical finger on the head of Randy.

“Why do you have this!” Randy’s voice was shaky and carried a slight note of panic. to Randy’s left, Amanda emerged fully covered in the noxious slime. “Yes Hannibal why do we have this?” Amanda had to desperately hold herself back from ripping his throat out. Even though she wasn’t strongly bothered by the monster substance that the jawless fish produced. She was still enraged by the fact, she had just been publicly embarrassed by the ninja.

“Good old fashioned research and development. We are in the process of researching the uses for the slime and then developing something from it.” The businessman, said with a smile and spoke with a genuine passion for the revolting creatures.

Both Amanda and Randy stared at him with bewilderment. “I think I should go have a long shower. Smoke bomb.” The ninja disappeared into the cloud of orange smoke. Leaving Amanda, as the only one with slime all over her body in the room. “I think I’m going to have a nap.” she then passed out face first into a school of still alive hagfish.

-The bathroom
Randy landed on the floor with a thud. “Ah, there you are.” Howard was relieved to see his friend. “So what was that racket I heard?”

“Hagfish.” Randy cringed when he said the word. “What’s a Hagfish?” Asked Howard. “The spawn of Satan.” Before Howard could pry into Randy for more information Gene open the door. “There will go. Sorry about the delay. There was an accident.” Gene looked back over his shoulder to see the robots still trying to clean up the slime.

Mort ran up and hugged Howard. “I’m sorry that you got locked in there.”

“It’s ok dad. Let’s just go home.” The three of them then walked out of the room carefully trying to avoid the slime still on the ground.

Chapter Text

It was the day before Christmas break. The students were eagerly awaiting for the bell to ring and set them free from the clutches of school. When the bell finally rang all students except one cheered.

The only one to remain silent was Theresa Fowler.

“So you have a part time job now?” Debbie asked her friend. “It’s only over the Christmas break.” Theresa was frustrated with her current situation and so she tried to change the subject of the conversation. “So is your leg all healed up?”

“Ya, but the doctor said I should still try and avoid risky situations.” Debbie placed her books into her backpack and waved goodbye to her friend. The two had become distant ever since the events of Halloween.

“Hey Theresa.” She turned around to see Randy and Howard walking up towards her. “I just heard that you got a part time job. And I would like to congratulate you.” Randy gave Theresa a friendly hug. “Thank’s Randy.”

“So can we use your friends and family discount?” And just like that Howard had ruined the plan. “Howard.” Randy whispered through clench teeth. “Oh, haha. Right, I wasn’t supposed to say that part.”

Theresa huffed softly. “It’s fine, I’ll let the boss know you’re with me.”

“All right!” The two boys spoke in unison before high-fiving.

-The Cunningham Household
Julian rang the doorbell. “Just calm.” He kept telling himself. He didn’t want to make it bad first impression on his boyfriend‘s parents. Even though Randy had told him it’s ok for him to see his parents without him being there, Julian still wished that Randy was with him. But instead he was out shopping and possibly saving the town for my robot.

The door was opened by a man who had brown hair and the same blue eyes as Randy. “Ah take it that you’re ma boy’s friend?” The man spoke of a thick Scottish accent. “Well we’re a little closer than friends.” Julian blushed which gave Randy’s old man a chuckle. “Don’t worry lad, Ah’m not the judging type.”

-The Mall
The two boys waited for Theresa to finish changing into her employee uniform. “So what are you going to get for Julian?”

“A hat.” Randy said with confidence. “A hat?” The answer confused Howard. “Doesn’t he already have that big top hat he’s been wearing since kindergarten?”

“Yes, but he stopped wearing it after the Evil Julian incident.”

“Ah, that makes sense.” Howard said to his friend. The two of them then continued to wait in silence until they heard a familiar voice.

“Hello and welcome to Davian Drugs, do you require any… wait! Why are you two here!” The two of them looked at their left and saw Doug, with a name tag that read ‘assistant manage’. Theresa popped her head out to see what was happening. Doug looked relieved to see her. “Oh Theresa, when you’re done meet me in the back. I’ll need you to help with the shipment of Hyper-Man toys.” She eyed him with suspicion. She figured he probably wanted her to use one of her transformations to help with the heavy lifting. “I’m not going to transform, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Well you have this gift…” she cut him off mid sentence. “It’s not a gift, it’s barely even a curse. It’s just a burden.” Theresa stepped out of the changing room with her uniform on. “A curse at least exists for a reason.” She then walked off to her assigned post.

The moment she was out of earshot, Howard spoke up. “So what’s this Hyper-Man toy.” Doug quickly answered his question. “Why it’s only…”

-The exact same moment at McFist’s Industries
“The best toy ever!” Hannibal shouted with child likely glee. “It has everything a toy needs to fun!”

“Really now?” Viceroy said with a hint of arrogance. “Well Viceroy, I’m partially compelled to say it because we’re the ones selling it.” McFist looked back at the toy and smiled.

“There are more important things to discuss right now.” Viceroy tapped his clipboard to emphasize his point. “Ok scrooge, what do we have here.” Viceroy gave his boss the clipboard and Hannibal read it. “So one of the Cyber-Tooth Tigers got out.” He just shrugged it off. “Now we have another shipment to deliver. Want to come along?”

“Sure just let me…” Viceroy was cut off when his boss shouted. “I call shotgun!”

-The Mall
The staff unpacked the shipment and began assembling the display which was hidden behind a red curtain. “Double time everybody.” Doug commanded. “If the kids don’t get their toys they’ll draw and quarter us.”

As the finishing touches were being implemented one of the workers woke something up. The Cyber-Tooth Tiger broke out from the box. It’s plasma sabre teeth threatening to slice the employees in two.

Randy quickly jumped into action when he heard the screams. He hid between the clothes racks and slipped on the mask. He then sprinted towards the source of the noise. He slid under the red curtain with his sword drawn and ready to start cutting.

He saw the Cyber-Tooth Tiger standing above Doug, threatening to sink its teeth into his throat. “Ninja exploding tennis ball.” Randy tossed the bomb towards the robot, hoping it would be distracted by the small toy. The cat just swatted it back towards Randy.

At this moment he released that this wasn’t going to a short flight. Which meant he had to prioritize getting the civilians out of here. “Ninja save the assistant manage!” Randy wrapped the scarf around Doug and used it to toss him out of the combat zone. Doug rolled on the floor for ten seconds before coming to a stop right below his manager. “Doug is the display finished yet?” The manager asked.

“It would be if the ninja didn’t have to fight a robot cat.” Doug said as he stood up and brushed himself off. The manager spoke again. “The ninja’s a good man, he’ll probably clean up any mess he makes. So in about a minute raise the curtains.” Doug nodded his head in agreement.

“Tengu fireball!” The flame struck the Cyber-Tooth Tiger and burned it to a crisp, unfortunately the fire soon spread to the Hyper-Man toys. And the red curtain was then lifted, showing the blazing pile of toys to the world. Randy could see the heartbreaking all the eyes of the children who surrounded him. “Ok, I know this looks bad.”

“The ninja ruined Christmas!” One child yield. “He killed Hyper-Man!” Another one cried. Soon the mall was filled to the brim with the sounds of crying children.

The Sorceress was taken an afternoon nap when the cries of the children reached her. Their pain and agony awoke her. “Oh my oh my, haha.” A demonic grin creeped across her face. “The sounds of the innocent having their hearts crushed is truly delightful.” She channel her power and sent forward a cloud of pink smoke which made its way to the children.

“Wow ninja, you just ruin Christmas.” Howard crossed his arms to emphasize his disapproval. The two didn’t see the pink smoke seeping in through the vents. “Look there was a cyborg Smilodon that wanted to eat me.” Randy said in his defense. “Screech!” Both turned to look at the source of the noise and were mortified by what had become of the children. “Oh great now they’re gremlins!” Howard quickly, ran away from the situation, leaving Randy alone to deal with the infestation.

-The Cunningham Household
Julian sipped a cup of tea as he talked with Randy‘s parents. “Thank you Mrs. Cunningham for this wonderful tea.” Randy’s mom was a middle aged Japanese woman who had the same hair colour as her son. “Please call me Sayoko.”

“And Ah suppose you can call me Diarmaid, but ma associates call me Jeremy and ma pals call me Jerry.” Said Mr. Cunningham.

-The Mall
“The children!” Doug screams as he tried to flee from the skanked children. “I’m going to get Theresa!” As Doug ran away like a dog with his tail between his legs Randy and Howard were trying to hold off the horrid of children. “Don’t be to ruff with them. They’re still only kids.” Randy pushed and shoved several of them away from him. “I’m going with Doug!” Howard pushed one more kid away before sprinting towards the assistant manager. “Really? Ok you know what! Ninja ice ball!” Randy jumped up before the ice spread over the ground, causing the children to slip and slide. He used his scarf like a rope swing well in mid air and swung towards Doug. “You two are not dragging Theresa into this!”

“Why not.” Doug placed his hands on his hips. “Why shouldn’t we get her.” Randy could tell that Doug wasn’t asking a question instead he was telling him to get out of his way. “Do you want her to maul a bunch of children!”

“Really! You think that I would just start ripping and tearing kids apart without any hesitation!” She said something under her breath in French before speaking again in English. “Ok, we’ll deal with what you said tomorrow.” Randy was confused about why she specified tomorrow. Surely they could have just talked after the fight. Why did it have to be tomorrow? Unless she knew who he really was, which was a possibility he didn’t want to think about it at the moment.

“Also there is another shipment of Hyper-Man toys coming. So that might end this situation.” She said to the three guys in front of her. “I’ll go get the toys if well you distract the kids.” Randy darted towards the storage room. “Got any idea Doug!” Howard glared at the assistant manager as he spoke to him. “Well there is a Hyper-Man costume.”

Theresa sighed. “I’ll go put it on.”

-The Shipping Truck
“Aren’t car rides the best thing ever Viceroy.” Hannibal said as they pulled into the drop off spot. “Yes Hannibal, yes they are.” Viceroy considered letting the intrusive thoughts win and just crashing the vehicle into the concrete wall. “Not today William, not today.”

“You good Viceroy?”

“Ya, I’m fine.” Viceroy sighed. The two of them heard a nock on the window to their right. “Probably just Doug.” Hannibal turned and saw the ninja. “Well still better than Doug.” Hannibal opened the car door and stepped out. “Ok what do you want, ninja!”

“The Hyper-Man toys.”

“Ya those things are the cheese. But an entire shipment might be a little much for one person.”

“There’s a group of skanked children ripping the store apart because I destroyed the store’s stock of Hyper-Men.”

Hannibal raised an eyebrow. “Looked I know that we have this mutual hatred thing going on, but it’s still a really cool toy.”

“Well the toys were actually just collateral damage. I was actually trying to deal with that, what was it called?” Randy paused and scratched his chin for dramatic effect. “Cyber-Tooth Tiger you sent in the same shipment!”

“So that’s where it went.” Hannibal quickly was able to regain his train of thought. “So what do you think I could do about this situation?”

Randy stared straight into the eyes of McFist. “Give them the toys.”

“Ok, it is the session for giving.” Hannibal opened the trunk and unpacked the toys. Randy was surprised by the generous mood Hannibal was in. “Wow McFist, I didn’t know you could be so generous.”

“Well the store has already paid for the shipment so no water off my back.” The businessman began to hum a tune as he worked. Viceroy whispered in to the ear of the ninja. “He’s only in this good of a mood because of his new anger management program and medication.”

-The Mall
“Don’t worry children, Hyper-Man is ok!” Theresa hated wearing this costume. It felt so clunky, she struggled to move her arms around her it felt like she was suffocating in the suit. The only thing that was remotely redeeming about it was the voice changer. Which was pretty bruce. But it sounded strangely like the captain of the marauder crew that took several of her friends hostage on spring break in sophomore year.

The children gradually began to complete in circle her, like how piranhas in circle their pray. “Special delivery!” Yelled Randy as he tossed a Hyper-Man into the arms of one of the children. The child’s body released a cloud of pink smoke as it returned to normal. The rest of the pack turned their attention towards the ninja and McFist. “You know ninja, I never thought I would end up fighting an army of monster children with my arch enemy at my side.”

“And nether did I. Ninja toy toss!” One by one the children were returned to normal. The sound of evil screeching turned to joyful laughter.

-The Sorceress’s office
The defeated pink smoke returned to her in shame. “Damn that masked hero!” She slammed her fist against the table. The Sorcerer’s Rat gave her an affectionate nibble on her pinky, it was his way of telling her that everything was going to be.

-The Mall
Hannibal and Randy were completely exhausted. “Hey ninja, the flesh is weak.” Hannibal pointed at his robotic arm and laughed. “You’re so funny. Smoke bomb.” The ninja said before disappearing. After every thing had died down, Randy was able to actually get the gift he was looking for just before the store closed. “He’s with me.” Theresa said to the cashier.

When he got home he was surprised to see Julian talking with his parents. “Is that a hat ah see?” Mr. Cunningham said. “That’s quite the lovely hat.” Mrs. Cunningham told her son. “It’s not for me, it’s for…” he stopped speaking and just presented the hat to Julian. “Merry early Christmas, Julian.” The goth thanked him for the gift.

The hat was a top hat about half the height of his old one. The brim curled slightly upwards and a feather was placed in the head band. “This is marvellous!” He said with joy before placing it on his head and doing a little twirl. All members of the Cunningham household gave him a clap of approval. Eventually, Julian had to head home. But he gave Randy a kiss before he departed, and road off into the night.

Chapter Text

“Man, it sucks that Randy and Julian had to miss the first day back at school because they got hospitalized.” Theresa said to Howard. “Well I’m jealous.” He said to Theresa. “They get all this attention and they don’t have to go to school!”

“Howard, not now.” Theresa didn’t have the mental strength to put up with Howard’s attitude today. But fortunately for her, they quickly made it to the hospital.

The condition of the two boys made Howard realize that he was completely incorrect about the situation. Their skin was covered by blue buboes and they were delirious. “I’m sorry but they aren’t allowed to have visitors who haven’t been vaxed yet.” A nurse told them. Howard and Theresa rolled up their sleeves and presented their arms to the nurse. “Sorry but the vaccines are only made in Saskatchewan. So I can’t give them out for free.”

“Sacagawea? Where’s that?” Asked Howard, the nurse had to hold back a giggle. “No Saskatchewan, it’s the Canadian province north of North Dakota. The vaccines are manufactured there because that’s where the Blue Plague comes from.”

Now Howard was even more confused. “So this place that I’ve never heard of is home to its own plague?”

“Well yes, but in order to understand it I have to tell you a long story.”

“Don’t care, just tell me how much they are.” Howard said to the nurse. “It’s $60 per shot.” Theresa sighed. “I’ll pay.” The two of them then booked the appointment for tomorrow afternoon. “I hope that they don’t go mad in there.” Theresa said.

Howard rolled his eyes. “They’ll be fine.”

-The Room
“Randall?” It had been nearly four months since Julian had last called Randy that. “Yes… Julian?” Randy waited quietly for a reply from his boyfriend. “Julian are you…”

“He’s back!” Julian began to sob as Randy passed out.

-Randy’s mind palace
“Where am I?” Randy found himself lying in a small creek near where his maternal grandparents lived in Japan. The water was crystal clear and was at a nice temperature. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. “This isn’t that bad.”

Right as he started to relax he heard the sound of a twig snapping. “Well look how it is.” The voice sounded almost exactly like Randy’s. The only noticeable difference was who the speaker was trying to sound like a 1950s in New York greaser. “I heard you blew it with Theresa, I told ya that you should have went with Heidi. But I doubt that she likes fags.” Randy looked to the right and saw his face shrouded in darkness from the hoodie he was wearing. “NomiRandy?”

“The one and only.”

-Julian’s mind palace
Extreme, that was the only way for Julian to describe the place he found himself in. The summer heat threatened to cook him alive and the winter chill threaten to turn his skin to ice. “So cold.” The wind blew at an astonishing 30 km/h. Each gust ripped more and more of his bodily heat away. He knew that he would die soon if he couldn’t find shelter.

“This way Julian.” A ghostly voice that came in the wind, just said. Julian used what little of his strength he had left to stand up and look around. “You’ll be safe if you fallow me.” The voice was fallowed by the sound of bells chiming from the mountains to the west. Julian shivered before fallowing the voice.

-The next day
“So are we just going to stair at them?” Howard said as he ate a bag of chips. “They can still hear us asshole.” Theresa eyes turned to their wolf form when she stared down Howard.

“I’m gonna draw a moustache on their faces.” Howard pulled out a marker.

“Oh no you’re not.” Theresa tackled him to the ground, trying to wrestle the marker out of his hand.

-Randy’s mind palace
Randy had gone deeper into the woods in order to avoid NomiRandy. He had no idea how long it had been, time seemed to simultaneously move faster, slower and at its regular pace. “Do you know how gross it is for two men to do it?” The voice of NomiRandy came from all around him. “It’s so pathetic that you are choosing to do it with him instead of any chick at school.” The voice became louder like it was getting closer to him. But it still had no clear origin. “You could have had Rachel, Morgan and hell even Flute Girl is better than being a sodomite.”

Visions of the women NomiRandy mention appeared around Randy. “Oh ninja.” The vision of Rachel approached him with lust in her eyes. “I love you too much.”

“Me too Danny.” Said the manifestation of Heidi. “Really! Even inside my head you can’t get my name right!” Randy pushed his way through the crowd of girls. “NomiRandy, where are you!”

-Julian’s mind palace
“Pain, so much pain!” Julian cried out as he continued to crawl towards the cave on the side of the mountain. He had no idea how far he had travelled, he only knew that his toenails began to bleed half way through the journey.

“You’re almost here! You can do it Julian.”

The ghostly voice was the only companion Julian knew throughout the entire journey. It was the only thing that kept him going forward and it was the only thing that stopped him from going mad.

With Julian finally made it to the cave. His fingernails were bleeding, and he was on the brink of puking from the strain his body was under. “Need to rest.” he told himself before laying his head down in the hard stone.

“Nice to see me again.”

Julian slowly opened his eyes and saw his own face looking down at him. The pain and exhaustion stopped him from fully realizing what he was staring at. “What, does a cat have your tongue?” The doppelgänger said with a laugh.

The realization slowly began to sink in, and Julian screamed bloody murder.

-The land of the waking
Julian was thrashing around like a wild beast. “No, no. Go away!” He shouted as a doctor and a team of nurses entered the room. “Quick, he might hurt himself!” One of the nurses yelled. Two out of the three nurses held him down until the other nurses and doctor got him placed in restraints. “Hey, you’re his friends right.” The doctor asked. “Actually I’m here for my buddy.” Howard pointed at the unconscious body of Randy.

Theresa groaned. “I’ll see what I can do.” She held his buboes free hand, she then sang to him gently. Her song brought him momentary comfort. “Theresa?” His voice was quiet and drained of strength. “It’s ok Yule, you’ll make it.”

“Yule? Hahaha!” Howard‘s laughter was so intense that he struggled to breathe. The noise was intense enough to fully wake up Julian. His eyes darted around the room, trying to make sure that the doppelgänger didn’t follow him. “Oh good you’re finally awake.” The doctor standing over him said. “Now is it okay if you tell us what happened.”

“Well me and Randy were in the forest.”

-Four Days Earlier
Julian’s heart raced as he felt Randy’s lips on his own. Julian was leaning up against a tree was Randy held him with his left arm that was placed right below the goth’s rib cage. The two broke off their kiss in order to breathe, they gazed into each one another’s eyes.

Their moment of affection was ended by a group of angry rodents. The rodents bit both of the boys before running off. “Why the juice did they do that!” Randy looked at his leg, there was a small red streak from the bite. Julian looked at his own leg and saw the same wound on himself. “We need to go get rabies shots.” He grabbed Randy by the hand and dragged him off.

-Present Day
The doctor looked at Julian with disappointment and frustration. “I know how you got here. I was asking about your nightmare.”

“Oh! Well, I was being held hostage by my evil doppelgänger from the land of shadows.” One of the nurses wrote down what he had just said. The doctor in the room began to slowly back away from his patient. “Ok get some rest.” After he spoke, he ran out of the room.

-Randy’s mind palace
“Stupid faggot little cock suck!” One of the ghostly visions said. “Homo!” Another voice yelled. “Hell bound freak!” Screamed a third voice. He tried to run but the voices would always be just behind him. “Where is he!” Randy search high and low for NomiRandy, but he constantly invaded Randy.

“Face it loser! You’ll never be a true man. You’ll always be a fag.” His words threatened to drive Randy to the edge of sanity. “You know what, I think you should stay a fag. No woman would ever settle for someone like you.”

A vision of Theresa appeared to the right of Randy. “Ugh, I can’t believe I had a crush on queer like you.” A vision of Heidi joined in. “Brandy your life is an abomination.” Finally a vision of Flute Girl appeared behind him. “Stupid homo.”

“Really a playground tier insult!” Randy struck the vision with his fist, sending it scattering with the wind before he struck the other two. “I know you can hear me!” He shouted up at the heavens. “I want you to come out and fight me like the man you claim to be!”

A cloud of orange smoke appeared before him, and NomiRandy stepped out. “Ok you want to fight. Bring it on tough guy.”

-Julian’s mind palace
Hell this was hell. He had died in his hospital bed and his soul was dragged down into the inferno. That was the only explanation Julian could think to explain his current situation.

“Eyes up here!” Evil Julian said. “We need to talk.”

Julian raised his head and looked around the room. They were sitting at an old table in a room that looked like it had come directly out of a Victorian era gothic horror novel. He also saw that he had been placed in restraints, preventing him from running.

Julian remain silent as his doppelgänger spoke. “Do you know who I am.” Julian turned his head away. “I’ll take that as a no. I am you.”

“No you’re not.” Even though Julian spoke he still avoided eye contact. “Have you ever read Jekyll and Hyde?” Evil Julian leaned forward as he spoke.

“If you were me you would already know the answer.”

The answer he gave angered the doppelgänger. “That was a redundant question. I know we’ve read the book and seen the musical!” Evil Julian took a deep breath. “I just want you to say what I’m thinking.”

Julian once again turned his head away from the doppelgänger and closed his eyes.

-The next day
Howard was speaking with Juggo and Dave when a familiar redhead drove up in a car and tossed an oh so familiar book hit him in the face. “You good, Howard?” Juggo helped his friend up.

“I’m about as good as you can be after literally having the book thrown at you.” He said as he put the book into his backpack. “Well I’m off to see Really. So good bye.” Howard ran off before anyone could ask any questions about the book.

-Randy’s mind palace
Both versions of Randy were broken and bloodied from the on going fight. NomiRandy was missing two fingers on his right hand and he posed a swollen black eye. “I’m going to kill that cock sucker.” He slowly made his way through the jungle that the two had turned into their personal battleground.

Randy watched from a safe distance. He held a bow and arrow in his hands. He steady his breathing, aimed his bow, drew back the arrow and let it fly. The arrow flew through the air and struck NomiRandy in his liver. “The hell!” He yelled in agony as he tumbled to the ground. Randy seized the moment and sprinted towards his evil counterpart and leaped on top of him repeatedly bringing down a crudely made stone knife into the his chest.

NomiRandy fought like hell against his would be killer. He kicked Randy in the nuts causing him to drop his knife. NomiRandy would have been able to grab the blade if Randy hadn’t resorted to head butting NomiRandy. He brought his fist down upon NomiRandy’s jaw with enough force to knock out a few teeth. And he counted punching his foe. NomiRandy yelled out some incomprehensible words when he plunged the stone knife into Randy’s side. He screamed in pain but kept fighting for his life.

Soon he found himself on top of the eviscerated body of NomiRandy. The sight of his own mutilated body made Randy vomit a vile black substance. “Fuck.” Was all he could say as tried to process what he had just done and witnessed.

-The land of the waking
Randy slowly opened his eyes. He was relieved that the first thing he saw was his friends. “Howard, Theresa… is this a dream?” His voice sounded hoarse. Howard poked Randy on the forehead. “Would you feel that in a dream.”

“Well, given what I had just been through I would yes?” Randy was still trying to process the emotions of killing part of himself. “I think I need therapy?”

“Well Cunningham, I have a specialist for you.” He passed his friend the nomicon, which was flashing bright red, letting Randy know it had a lesson for him. He looked up at Howard and then looked over to Theresa, who was singing to Julian. “Make sure she doesn’t look.” He said to Howard before opening the book and having his consciousness sucked in.

Theresa saw what happened, got up and walked over to Randy. “Oh no you don’t.” Howard got in front of her, preventing her from looking in the book. “That book is already very temperamental and I don’t think adding another person will fix it!”

Theresa snarled at him and flashed her canines. “Ok, you can look.” She took one look at the page and then fell face forward onto the floor.

-Inside the Nomicon
The lesson had already been taught by the time Theresa landed right next to Randy. “That felt off.” She stood up and looked around, taking in the draw landscape. “Why are you here!” She turned around to see Randy looking panicked. Before she could say anything in her defense, the sky turned a fiery red and a man manifested from a black smoke. “Randy!” He shouted with anger in every phoneme.

The man was wearing an identical suit to that of the ninja, and was followed by a man who was fatter and shorter wearing a teal coloured robe. “This is the fourth time I’ve seen someone who is not the ninja enter here! I made an exception for Howard because he’s your best friend.”

The man slowly walked closer to Randy. “I made an exception for Debbie because you dealt with her. And I made an exception for Julian because he’s a damned mage. But her!” The man pointed at Theresa. “I like you Randy! But this is a step…”

“She’s a werewolf.” The man in the rope said calmly. The ninja turned around to look at his friend “Plop-Plop how would you know that?”

The man named Plop-Plop spoke again. “It’s her smell.” The other man began calming down. “I can work with this.” He repeated to himself as he took deep breaths.

“So do you always make an exception for supernatural creatures?” Asked Randy. “Yes because werewolves are bruce. That’s the right word, right.” The man’s answer gave Randy a chuckle. “Yeah they are.”

“Man you would have loved the ninja of 1915, dude was a werewolf.” Plop-Plop’s smile quickly turned into a frown. “Poor guy got killed in the Argonne forest.” Everyone just slowly backed away. Randy then showed Theresa the exit.

-Julian’s mind palace
Evil Julian’s patience had long since run out. “Tell me what detail people forget about Jekyll and Hyde.” He slammed his fist onto the table as he spoke.

“That it’s a mystery novel about unravelling the relationship between the two title characters.” Julian tried to look away from his doppelgänger but he twisted Julian‘s head forcing Julian to stare into his evil eyes. “That’s not the detail I was talking about.”

Julian tried to close his eyes but the doppelgänger forcefully held at least one open and stared deeply into it. “We both know what I meant!”

Tears pour down Julian’s face. “It’s a metaphor for addiction!” Evil Julian tightened his grip around Julian‘s throat. “If you don’t say it I will break your wind pipe!”

-The land of the waking
“Holy shit!” Theresa screamed. “He’s choking!” Randy rolled over and was mortified by the state of his boyfriend. Even though there was not a single swollen lymph node left on his body he was still paler than normal and in immense pain. “A ninja’s choices must be chosen by his own choosing.” His words were barely audible. “Let me speak with him. Please.”

-Julian’s mind palace
Julian‘s face began to turn blue from suffocation, he knew he didn’t have much time left so he had no other choice but to confess. “Jekyll and Hyde aren’t two different personalities!” He was barely able to say the words through the suffocating grip of his evil doppelgänger. “Go on.” Evil Julian said as he loosened his grip.

“Hyde is just a mask for Jekyll to use to protect his status and reputation. They only come close to being two personalities near the very end when the good doctor has completely given into his addiction.” He felt the doppelgänger release his neck from his vice like grip.

“So do you understand now.” Julian once again refused to answer the doppelgänger‘s question. “I am the evil that lives within you, I am what you are afraid of becoming, I am what you are without any inhibitions. I am you!” Evil Julian screamed with the fury of a thousand damned souls. “I am how your story ends! You will be just another slave to darkness! This is inevitable!”

“No!” Cried Julian as he broke his restraints and struck his doppelgänger in the face. “You bastard!” Evil Julian yelled before he returned the punch to Julian. “Why won’t you listen! I am pure!” The doppelgänger grabbed a wine glass and brought it down on top of Julian’s head. “I am you! You are me! We are we!”

Evil Julian began to strangle Julian. “I am what you always were. You always craved power over others! You always wanted to be a sorcerer.” As Julian began to feel his life draining away from his body he heard the voice of Randy.

“A ninja’s choices must be chosen by his own choosing. You have the power to choose your own fate.”

“You’re right.” Said Julian before he put most of his strength into one final desperate attempt to escape. “I can make my own fate.” He pushed his doppelgänger off, picked up a plate and brought it down upon his head. Evil Julian screamed in pain as he continued his relentless assault against the doppelgänger. “We may be like Jekyll and Hyde. But I choose to not be Hyde!” When exhaustion finally overtook him his doppelgänger was lying on the ground, crying in pain. “I yield, mercy please.” The doppelgänger said in a pitiful voice.

“I may never be able to get rid of you, but that doesn’t mean you can control me.” Julian delivered one final kick to the face of his doppelgänger before walking off to the door, which had just appeared in the room.

Right as he opened it, his doppelgänger spoke again. “Watch your hair.” Julian paid no attention to him or his warning.

-The land of the waking
The first thing Julian felt was the hot breath from Randy’s mouth on his ear and the second thing he felt was Theresa wrapping her arms around him. “I’m so glad that you two are ok.” Julian didn’t respond to the displays of affection.

“Am I a bad person?”

“Oh, that’s a tricky one.” Howard scratched his chin as he pondered the question. “On one hand you did start a monster uprising and went bananas when you touch a Powerball.” Randy and Theresa both gave Howard the death stare. “But on the other hand, you are my best friend’s boyfriend, so you’re not completely irredeemable.” Both Randy and Theresa considered this to be an acceptable enough response.

“I think I may be a monster.” Julian laid his head back down on his bed and just stared up at the ceiling.

“Did something happen in your head?” Asked Howard.

“I saw and spoke with him.” Everyone immediately understood what Julian meant by him. Julian then explained what he had experienced. His boyfriend, his best friend and even Howard all tried to comfort him.

“Babe, you chose to not be like him.” Randy gave him a kiss on the lips. “Thank you my love. It’s weird that I felt so confident in my dream and now I feel so weak and afraid.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of.” Randy gently squeezed his hand. “I’ve beaten him before and it sounds like you just beat him as well. So if he ever shows his face again beat him again!” The way Randy spoke filled everyone in the room with vim and vigour. “Now I need to lie down.” Randy crawled back into his bed to rest.

-The next day
The two of them were discharged from the hospital with the news that they had made a full recovery. The couple joyfully walked home together. Nether of them had seen the Creep driving his car behind them. He didn’t follow them for very long, just long enough for him to get a decent understanding of their condition before he tipped his hat and drove off in the opposite direction.

Chapter Text

“Hey you! Yes you! Come on down to the largest indoor pool and water park west of the Mississippi and east of the Rockies. That’s right, Aqua-Homa is insanely large and wet! Come on down today!” The tv add came to an end.

“Viceroy, I must say that I am impressed.” Hannibal looked at the scientist that sat on the other end of the table. “This water park does look fun. But, can it kill the ninja?”

“You ask me to design a very large water park. You don’t ask me to build something to kill the ninja.” Viceroy felt a headache coming on. “But he could drown in it.”

“I love it! We will drown the ninja!”

-The Water Park
Randy and Howard were having a great time at the pool. The boys went down each slide and hopped in every body of water, which all had a slightly different temperature, depending on what they were used for. “Howard this is the best pool ever!”

“I know! This pool is the cheese!” Yelled Howard as he hopped on a rope swing. “Glad to see you two have fun.” Randy turned around to see Theresa wearing a lifeguard uniform. Randy raised an eye eyebrow. “You got a job as a lifeguard?”

“It’s mostly because it would look good in the future resumes.” She whispered to him. “But yah, I’m going to be spending my Saturdays saving lives at a pool.”

“Well guess I should stop distracting you.”

“Don’t worry, I’m on my break.” She told him before sitting down on the side of the pool with her feet and lower legs in the water. “Julian is in the hot tub with Bucky over by the River stream slide.” She pointed towards the jungle theme section of the park.

On the other side of the pool Howard was relaxing in a pool float. “To day is a good day.” He said to himself. “Howard why are you here?” He turned to see Heidi glaring at him. Debbie and Morgan stood next to his sister. “Sup Debbie Kang. Wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Heidi was annoyed that her brother was completely ignoring her. “I’ll go keep him occupied. I’ll catch up later.” Debbie grabbed a pool float and paddle over to Howard. Morgan and Heidi just wandered off to go on some slides.

“So what brings you to the pool today?” Howard asked trying to break the ice. “Well, Konrad.” Her answer perplexed Howard. “Why would the crazy history teacher bring you here?”

“He’s dating my…”

“Your mom?” Howard finished her sentence for her. “Mr. K. ‘el loco’ is dating your mother?”

“Yes, they started dating after Halloween.” She didn’t notice that she was rubbing the ankle that had been twisted on that day. “Apparently the way he reacted to the injury made my mom develop feelings for him.”

“She does know that he has a collection of guns that I’m pretty sure are illegal.” Howard’s made Debbie feels slightly embarrassed. “I think she likes bad boys.” She whispered in his ear hoping that no one else would hear her before paddling away.

-The Underground
Hannibal was enjoying a can of pop as Viceroy spoke to him. “This is my newest invention, Synth-Flesh!” The scientist unveiled several see through containers that each contain a human skin coloured goo. “Instead of using painted metal which can be worn down by the environment or fake skin which cannot be easily repaired. Synth-Flesh is made from nano bots which ensures that they are both weatherproof and self replicating.”

Hannibal was unimpressed. “So you just reinvented fake skin.”

“I literally just said what made it different.” Viceroy gave a demonstration on how the Synth-Flesh behaved after being attacked. He lightly slashed one of the goo puddles which revealed its internals. Its insides were a combination of blood, muscle and organs design to fulfill basic life sustaining mechanism, such as respiration and digestion. The goo began twitching as it regenerated the damaged skin. “I designed them to only feed off of plant, fungus and bacteria cells.”

“Ok this is boring, I’m going on that log flume.”

“I just made artificial life! How is that boring!” Hannibal, just ignored the yelling of Viceroy.

Konrad entered the room by walking out of one of the shadows in the corner, nearly scaring the life out of Viceroy. “McFist being his usual self again?”

“Yes he is.” Viceroy sighed softly. “I want you to watch this goo as I try and get Hannibal to realize how important this invention actually is.”

“Jawohl!”

“Good now make sure nothing and I mean nothing, touches the goo.” Viceroy, then left to go find Hannibal.

“Víðarr.” A shadowy figure appeared behind Konrad. “Help Viceroy out.” The wraith smiled as it slipped back into the darkness.

-The Pool
“It’s been too long since we’ve last had a proper conversation.” Julian said to Bucky. “Yeah, I think the last time we even hung out was in 10th grade during the taste test contest.” Bucky noticed something weird in the distance

“Is it ok if I join you guys.” Randy asked before he slept into the hot tub. Bucky was too focussed on the weird shadow he was seeing to notice Randy. Worse, the shadow appeared to be getting closer. “Do you two see the shadow demon over there?” Randy quickly figured out what the shadow demon actually was. The wraith teleported from shadow to shadow as they tried to home in on its actual target ignoring the trio of boys in the hot tub. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Randy left the hot tub and speed walked to the locker which held his stuff. But before he could slip on the mask, the nomicon began to flash red. Randy went to run the bathroom stalls and opened the book having his mind sucked into it as always.

-Inside the nomicon
Randy found himself standing on alien soil, quite literally in this case. The surroundings looked like something out of a Star Wars film. As he looked around he saw a ninja attempting to sneak through the unknown terrain walking slowly. But unfortunately, for the ninja a large worm popped out of the sand and swallowed him whole. After the worm sank back into the ground, the text appeared.

“Fighting on unknown territory often leads to failure.”

-The Pool
“Wasn’t that the best log flume ever Viceroy.” Hannibal yelled with child like glee. “It’s ok.”

“You don’t have to be a wet blanket Viceroy.” As the got off the ride Víðarr was ready to strike. He didn’t do anything major. He just simply gave Hannibal a skin tag on his pinky finger. “Oh a skin tag, i’ll deal with it when I get home.” Hannibal muttered to himself.

Víðarr prepared to do something more on the nose. But fortunately for Hannibal, he was inadvertently saved by the ninja. “Ninja flash bang.” The sudden bright light sent Víðarr fleeing into the darkness. “Really ninja, this is the second time you’ve ambushed me at a water based holiday destination.” Hannibal stared down the ninja. “We’re in public.” Whispered Viceroy.

“I know that.” Said Hannibal barely able to stop himself from shouting. “So the family raft looks fun, but you need four people for it. And Marci isn’t here and she’s the only person who can make me spend time with Bash.”

“Are you asking if I would like to join you?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m asking.”

“But we need four people on the ride.” After he was finished speaking a familiar girl snuck up behind Randy. “I heard you need another person on the ride, mind if I join you?” Randy turned around to see Janis standing there. “Sure I wouldn’t mind.” He said to her.

“Who’s this girl, ninja?” Hannibal pointed at Janis. “Yah, I became friends with her after well… let’s just say it happened because of someone you know and employee.” Hannibal quickly clued in that he was talking about Konrad.

The four of them got into a raft and began sliding down the water slide. “This is best water park ever!” Shouted Randy as they went into a dark tunnel. Just before they could exit the tunnel Randy felt a tap on his shoulder before being punched in the face. “Sorry to bail half way through the ride, but I need to deal with a shadow demon that needs a butt kicking.” Randy jumped out of the moving raft and swung on his scarf towards where he was punched.

The wraith had already fled to another shadow which Randy quickly move to. The same pattern kept on repeating until Randy was brought down into the maintenance room with the boilers.

“Ninja why are you here.” Konrad snarled at Randy. “I was having a nice day until Vid came and shoobed up my day.”

“His name is Víðarr.” Konrad said he reached for his pistol. “Ninja throwing discs.” Randy tossed three of the small metal discs at Konrad. One slashed his hand, another broke one of the container with Synth-Flesh in it. And the last one broke a jar with the label Chaos-Stink. The red liquid spread out of the jar and soon made contact with the Synth-Flesh.

For the first time ever the Synth-Flesh felt an emotion. It began to twitch as it tried to understand what it was feeling, when it finally understood the feeling in the way only a living thing could, it thought of a way to express the feeling in words.

Hate, that is the word it chose to express the feeling.

A pink mist moved to the Synth-Flesh but it had no effect. The Synth-Flesh had nothing to possess.

-The Pool
Theresa was on watch, she had been doing her duty by ensuring no one would drown here today. Debbie on the other hand had spent most of her time at the pool pining after Theresa. She had feel for her friend since they had first met. She wanted to act on her feelings but there was something always stopping her. “Oh, Theresa. Monsters, zombies and robots may get between us. But they can’t stop me from loving you.”

Howard heard Debbie speaking and approached her. “So you have a crush on Theresa.” She gasped. “Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Wow, don’t get mad at me because you didn’t hear my aggressively loud stepping behind you.” Howard, then took a sip of his drink, which was aggressively loud.

“Well, why would you care about me having a crush on her.”

“Because I’ve had a crush on you since 9th grade Spanish. And having a crush on a lesbian is a bit awkward.”

Debbie rolled her eyes. “I’m bi, but I’m not interested in you.” Howard stared at her blankly for what felt like an eternity. “What’s bi?”

Debbie wanted to scream out of frustration. “Randy is your best friend. How do you not know this?” She grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, hoping that her actions would emphasize her point of Howard stupidity.

Theresa approached Debbie from behind before speaking. “What is the problem here?” She asked.

“Oh well me and Howard, we’re just playing around.” Debbie gave a forced smile.

“Ok.” Theresa said in a polite voice. “Just please try to avoid more hands on play.” Right as she started to walk away from the two. A scream was heard fallowed by the sound of running. They all looked over to the maintenance doors right as they were slammed open by Konrad and the ninja running. “Hey, no running around the pool.” Theresa yelled in an authoritative voice. The two of them then slowed down to a pace that was slightly faster than running.

“Debbie!” Konrad said when he reached her. “I want you to get out! Run for your life!” Both Konrad and the ninja looked panicked about what they had just seen. “Hey! I said no running!” Theresa yelled at Konrad who responded swiftly with his own shouting. “It’s a figure of speech, bloody Americans!”

As Konrad and Theresa continue their argument the Synth-Flesh was able to break down the door and make its way to the pool. The volume of the blob was large enough to displace a quarter of the pool water. The blob formed tendrils that it used to slap away any person who was in the water. “Well Viceroy, this is the second time you’ve accidentally created a giant blob monster.” Hannibal shook his head disapprovingly.

Two of the tendrils raced out towards Viceroy. One wrapped around Hannibal and the other wrapped itself around Janis. “Ninja help us!” She screamed.

“We have to save Janis!” Randy jumped into action and was swiftly knocked back down to the ground, but one of the tendrils. The same tendril then darted towards Debbie, grabbing her and hoisting her into the air. But the blob wasn’t satisfied with kidnapping just three people, soon it grabbed a hold of Morgan and Heidi, threatening to drown them in the water. Randy looked into the eyes of Konrad and saw nothing but contempt for the blob that had just made the pool its home.

“You,” he pointed at Theresa, “save those two girls. Me and the ninja will deal with this thing directly.” Theresa quickly hopped in the water and began swimming towards the two girls as the ninja and Konrad began the assault. The two of them were enough of a distraction, drawing almost every tentacle away from Theresa allowing her to swim relatively smoothly. She ducked her head below the surface and began clawing at the tendrils that held them hostage. She felt her lungs burn as she tried desperately to set them free.

Randy and Konrad weren’t having an easier time. Randy struggled, hopping from raft to raft as the tentacles came down upon him or up from below him. Konrad and Víðarr’s shadow magic struggled to actually deal significant damage to the blob. “Sword slice, slice!” Randy yelled as he cut the tendrils into pieces. “Why won’t this thing stop!”

“The thing doesn’t have a finite shape.” Konrad yelled to the ninja.

“What does that mean!”

“It means that this thing doesn’t have a real shape.” Víðarr blocked a series of incoming blows as Konrad spoke. “It’s likely moving its internals around to avoid damage.”

Both men had forgotten about Theresa as she fought like hell to save Morgan and Heidi. The blob had grown tired of her and decided to drag her down to the bottom of the pool.

Within a heartbeat, she was on the bottom of the pool being held down by the creature. She felt her lungs start to burn as the creature slowly squeezed her body. In a desperate attempt to escape she started her transformation.

The force of her transformation broke the tentacles that were being used to crush her. She then severed the tentacles holding onto the girls with her wolf like claws, allowing them to swim to safety. She shortly followed them on to the higher ground that wasn’t affected by the minor internal flood from the blob hopping into the pool.

She allowed herself to return to her normal human form, although the smell of wet dog did remain. “So about that interview?” Heidi said a smile, clearly not affected by her near death experience. Theresa answered her question by punching Heidi in the face.

“What the hell!” The reporter yelled in pain. Morgan then spoke for the first in what felt like years. “Heidi, just give her a moment.”

Konrad and Randy both realized that they didn’t have much strength left and we need to finish this fight quickly. “Got any ideas ninja!”

Randy’s mind race to try to figure something out. “Fighting on unknown territory often leads to failure.” He kept repeating the phrase to himself until he realized how he could utilize it. “We have to get this thing on dry land!”

“No shit Sherlock! Now how do we do that!”

“He’s right ninja.” Hannibal shouted. “Do you have any idea!”

“I have one!” Randy pulled a ball out of his pocket and tossed it towards the blob. “Ninja ice balls!” The icy liquid inside the ball contaminated the pool water freezing it instantly. In order to avoid being frozen, the blob retreated from the water. It began struggling to keep its larger form together and ended up drooping in several spots.

“Thank you have enough strength for one last attack ninja?” Konrad struggle to keep himself standing.

“No, but I know something that does.” Randy took a deep breath in before speaking again. “This blob is almost beat so let us cheat with the power of concrete!” he slammed his foot down onto the ground, causing several concrete soldiers to emerge and begin fighting the blob. The soldiers sliced it into smaller pieces, allowing Randy to more easily burn them to a crisp with his tengu fire ball attacks.

Soon the creature loosened its grip on Hannibal, Janis and Debbie allowing them to escape. Janis ran towards the ninja and grabbed a hold of him. “Please don’t let me go.” She said to him. Fortunately, for everyone she wouldn’t be much of a distraction for the ninja as the fight was largely over.

As the blob’s last parts disintegrated Konrad rushed over to Debbie to make sure she was. She was unscratched but catatonic. “I’ll take you home.” She nodded her head a bit as he carried her off.

“Well looks like my job is done.” Said Randy with confidence. “So Janis can you please let go?” She did as he asked, then he smoke bombed away.

Shortly later, Randy would reemerge without the mask on and take in the chaos from a new angle. The only part of the pool to not be severely affected by the blob’s attack was the hot tub in which Julian and Bucky sat. “Mind if I join you guys.” Asked Randy.

The two of them had no objections and so Randy hopped on him. He was followed shortly by Howard. Who himself was followed by Morgan and Heidi. Eventually, Viceroy and McFist would also hop into the tub.

“This is a great hot tub.” Morgan said, and everyone agreed with her.

Chapter Text

-Tuesday Morning
Randy was losing badly, the worst part was the how he was losing to Flute Girl. Who had been transformed into a demon dog by the sorceress’s magic. “Is that demon beef still honkin' up your mind.” She didn’t appreciate the comment and charged at Randy. Just before she would have hit him there was a flash of fire. “I’ll take care of her.” A mysterious voice said.

Randy looked to where the voice had come from and saw a man wearing an unusual outfit. The outfit was clearly handmade, the vest on his chest was purple and his cloak was black. The brooch that pinned the cloak together was made from a deep purple gem, it also helped keep a handkerchief in place that lied just below the neck. His shirt had what Randy believe were called balloon sleeves, he also wore purple gloves and black trousers. He wore a classical black magicians top hat with a red stripe on it. Lastly there was the mask. It was a carnival mask that only covered the top half of his face and left his eyes exposed.

The stranger slapped his hands together, causing a shockwave that sent Flute Girl flying backwards. Her flute fell out of her back pack and landed on the ground right in front of Randy, who quickly pulled out his black powder pistol. “Ninja pistol trick shot!” He yelled before firing it at the flute, destroying it and there by unstanking Flute Girl.

“Excellent shot.” The stranger said before bowing and tipping his hat. “Who are you.” Randy glared at the stranger. He was suspicious of any heroes who arrived after the thunder pants incident. “Why I’m a friend.”

“Sure you are. Smoke bomb.” Randy didn’t take his eyes off the stranger, even as the orange smoke over took him.

-Tuesday Evening
“Hello City, I’m your host Heidi Weinerman! And for today’s top story, who is the magician?”

“Can you believe this.” Randy turned off the TV and tossed the remote to the floor. “And you’re jealous.” Howard told his friend as he flipped through a comic book. “Me jealous? No, never.”

“You do this every time someone does something better than you.” Howard didn’t even bother to move his eyes off the page as he spoke.

“Howard don’t be ridiculous. I’m pretty sure everyone’s reacting the same way I am.” Randy unconsciously slipped his hands into his pockets.

-McFist’s Industries
“If I kill him can I get a second superpower?” Hannibal asked Amanda.

-Debbie’s Home
“Mein Gott! Es sind zwei davon?” ‘My God! There are two of them?’ Konrad shouted as he saw the news report.

-Doug’s Home
“Sweet someone new to say obvious things around. I Doug, say as I eat a bite of macaroni and cheese.”

-Back at Randy’s location
“You do this every time you think someone is replacing you. Even when they’re not.”

“What! You’re being crazy.” Randy ended his sentence with a forced laugh. “Me being jealous is like fire being cold, it just doesn’t happen.”

-Wednesday Afternoon
“What did you do to Janis!” Randy pushed Butter Finger up against the wall. “Look all I did was yell at her for scratching my new motorbike’s paint. It’s really not something to worry about.” He gave a forced smile.

“Really.” He turned Butter Finger’s head to face Janis who had been transformed into a monster. She had a dog like body, the head of a fox, goat and chameleon. Each one of the heads lacked a mouth, with a singular mouth instead being around her chest cavity. She also had a scorpion’s tail. “Ok maybe I did take it too far.”

As Randy continue to try to get Butter Finger to release what he had done the magician appeared. He was quickly able to unstank Janis by cutting her necklace using a small blade. “Sorry for the necklace darling.” He helped her stand back up. “It’s okay, I can get the string replaced.” She gave the magician a hug before he disappeared.

-Wednesday Evening
“The magician did it again folks!” Heidi said with enthusiasm. “He stopped another monster attack before the ninja could! That brings us to the question everyone’s asking, is he better than the ninja?” Randy immediately turned off the TV. “Can you believe that!”

Hammer who was once again reading a comic book, spoke to his friend. “Yep you are jealous.”

“No I’m not!”

-Thursday Afternoon
Randy figured Viceroy wasn’t having a particularly good day considering the robot he sent was literally starting fires everywhere. The large humanoid robot had a flamethrower each hand and two on its chest. There was also a small laser on each hand and twin machine guns in its chest. “I’m going to call you Firestarter, ya. Now Firestarter prepared to have your butt kicked!” Randy pulled out a pair of nunchucks and dodged the incoming valley of machine gun fire and laser shots.

“Ninja strike the robot in the shins!” Randy had fallen into the machine’s trap. right before Randy struck it. It jumped up into the air and activated its thrusters. Soaring into the air and unleashing a wave of fire upon Randy. The ninja would’ve been toasted if the fire wasn’t pulled away by the magician. He then condensed the fire into a ball of plasma and sent it hurdling into the head of the robot, destroying it.

“Magician, go! Magician, go!” The students cheered. Randy stared down the ninja with hatred in his eyes. Before Randy could smoke bomb away the magician approached him. “Sorry we couldn’t get to know each other earlier.” The magician smiled as he offered Randy a handshake. “But when you’re a hero you are never off the clock.”

“Look buddy, this town is my turf.” Randy grind his foot into the ground. “So if want to be a hero go find another town.”

“I don’t see why we can’t work together?” Randy began to laugh at the magicians comment. “I’m sorry but, I work alone.” He then disappeared to a puff of orange smoke. Leave the magician alone.

When Randy checked his locker, he saw the Nomicon flashing a bright red. “Well time to shloop.” He hid in his locker and opened the book. He soon found himself sitting on a wooden floor. In front of him a ninja was fighting a samurai. As the two fought a third fighter would sneak up on the samurai and deliver a fatal blow to the warrior.

The ninja was initially angry with the unknown warrior until he removed his mask, revealing a face that the ninja seemed to know. Then the text appeared.

“Those who at first glance seem like a rival may turn out to be a friend.”

“Yah I’m not buying it.” He cross his arms and turned away from the text. The doodles that surrounded him rolled their eyes and kicked him out of the book.

When he exited the locker, he was immediately greeted by Julian and Howard standing there waiting for him. “Good day my love.” Said Julian with a bow. “Look Cunningham, you’ve been acting crazy for the last few days.” Howard jumped up and grabbed onto Randy’s shoulders so he could speak to him on ‘his’ level. “You’ve done this nonsense multiple times. You did it with Franz Nukid, with Lucius Thunderpants and you did it when I spent a bit of time hanging out with Bucky, Dave and Pradeep! Face it you are jealous!”

“Can you let go of me.”

“No! Not until you stop acting crazy.”

Randy was able to pry Howard off of his body and storm away. Julian quickly followed his boyfriend. “Randy you don’t need to do anything drastic.” Randy turned around quickly and looked at his boyfriend. “Oh I’m not going to do anything drastic.” He began to laugh like a crazy person after speaking. Julian awkwardly went along with it. Everyone in the hallway just stared at them as they laughed like complete psychos. “You guys are idiots.” Flute Girl yelled before her and everyone else left the area. Leaving the two guys alone.

Julian was the first one to stop laughing. “So you’re sure that you won’t do anything drastic.”

“Don’t worry about it babe.” Randy gave a cool and confident smile before walking off.

-Midnight at McFist’s House
“Honey, wake up.” Marci whispered into the ear of her sleeping husband. “The ninja wants to speak with you.”

“What?” Hannibal spoke with his eyes closed. “What about him?”

“He’s here to speak with you darling.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Marci, he wouldn’t be in our house…” Hannibal open his eyes and saw the ninja standing on top of the bed. “Ninja, the ninja! Ah, why are you here?”

“Two words, the magician.”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“What about him!” Now Randy was visibly angry. “What do you know about him!”

“Look ninja, I know we have our disagreements.”

“You’ve been trying to kill me for four years!” Randy shoved four fingers into the face of Hannibal to emphasize the point. “I know you know what I want to know about the magician!”

“Ok ninja you’re just confusing me now.”

The anger inside of Randy nearly broke a blood vessel. “That is a load of nonsense! You are totally the one pulling the strings.”

“I’m sorry to bud in but Hannibal really doesn’t know anything about this magician fella.” Marci was just as calm as ever, even though their house was just broken into.

“What! You’re joking!”

“No ninja she’s not.” Hannibal set up before continuing. “Look if you leave my house right now I’ll leave you alone until Monday.”

Randy sheepishly got up apologize, and hopped out the window. “Are you really going to leave the ninja alone?” Asked Marci.

“I will, but you can’t say the same about that magician.” Hannibal lad out a deep belly laugh of evil.

-Friday
“So you actually got McFist to leave you alone until Monday.” Howard was surprised by what Randy had accomplished. “Ya! It’s crazy but I did it.” As Randy was enjoying telling Howard of his victory. The magician was getting his face kicked in by a robot.

The robot was a humanoid wolf, its right hand was replaced by a large laser canon and it had four smaller lasers on its chest. The robot opened fire burning a hole in the roof, which the magician jumped through. The machine quickly pursuit him down through the hole and began running through the hallway, searching for its target.

The machine sprinted right past Randy and Howard without even bothering to terrorize either of them. “Weird I thought he said he would leave you alone.” Howard said.

“Yah he did.” Randy quickly realized what was happening. “He said he would leave me alone not the… magician, shoot.” He went silent for a minute. “I think I messed up.” Randy looked out the window and saw the magician running around for his life, trying to not get vaporized by the robot. Soon, three more robots emerged from the forest to join the fight. “Those who at first glance seem like a rival may turn out to be a friend.” Randy said under his breath. “The magician isn’t actually my enemy!” He screamed at the realization of what he had done.

“See now you get it!” Howard yelled as Randy scrambled to put the mask on and run to help the magician.

The magician was fighting for his life I against the lance of robots. “Be gone!” he yelled as he shot a fireball, knocking the head off one of them, destroying it in the process. The death of their comrade only imbued the machines with resistance and determination for termination.

A puff of orange smoke appeared right beside the magician. “Back away from him!” The ninja yelled as he tossed an exploding ball at one of them, removing most of its armour leaving its internal circuitry exposed to the world. Randy quickly pulled out two black powder pistols and fired both of them.

One shot missed and nailed the principal‘s car wall the other one hit the essential processing unit of the robot whose armour had just been eradicated. The robot collapse to the ground as its circuitry bursted into flames.

“Hey, just to let you know…” Randy blocked an incoming laser beam. “I might be a bit responsible for this.”

“How so?” The magician manipulated the air around him to create a guess of hot wind overheating one of the machines components. Causing its lasers to become non-functional.

“Well, I might have gone a little crazy and accidentally made a deal with McFist.” Randy wrapped his scarf around one of the robots and swan around it to directly attack its backside. “Basically I thought you were hired by him to kill me. I was wrong, and now I think he’s trying to kill you.”

“Well that’s unfortunate. But let’s talk about this later like tonight rooftop?” The magician asked.

Randy quickly responded. “Works for me.” The two then fought as one and were able to dispatch the last two remaining robots before departing.

-After Sunset
Randy sat a top the roof alone, waiting for the magician to arrive. “Where is he?” He said himself as he stared at the stars above. “Right behind you.” Randy turn to see the silhouette of the magician standing in the moonlight. He then began to approach the ninja and twisted the ring he had on his right hand. There was a puff of purple smoke as the suit disintegrated, revealing Julian walking towards the ninja.

“How the hell did you do that?”

“I learned it from reading that old book about magic that the creep gave me.”

“Ok, but why are you doing all this?”

Julian sighed and sat down on the roof. “I just feel compelled to do so. I have a gift that many others would kill countless people for.” Tiny sparks of lightning flew off of Julian‘s hand and landed weakly on the floor. “And I’m pretty sure using my magic for good is the only way to stop evil me from taking over my body again.”

Randy gave his boyfriend a hug. “Sorry for being a shoob earlier.” The goth giggled. “Don’t worry about it, I forgive you.”

“Good so let’s go home.” The two gave each other a hug before disappearing into the night. As Randy wandered home he couldn’t help but think about how that white stripe in Julian‘s hair seemed to have gotten larger.

-Julian‘s house
“Good night, Talos.” Julian said as he crawled underneath his bed sheets and turned away from the mirror. The face of his doppelgänger manifested in the mirror and smiled as it watched him fall asleep. “Remember me, I’m always here.” A wicked smile crossed the face of Evil Julian as he watched normal Julian fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Hannibal stared at Viceroy disapprovingly. “Viceroy, we need to talk.” The scientist gave Otto the signal to turn off the game they were playing. “Is this about the glue gun?”

“No, it’s about everything.”

Viceroy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by everything.”

“You robots are… how do I say this?” Hannibal took a moment to think of how to break it gently to Viceroy. “Your recent robot have been shit.”

“Ok, you say that every time one of my machines fail to kill the ninja.”

“You don’t understand.” Hannibal placed his robotic hand on his forehead before sighing in disappointment. “You can do better, now I will be reducing your pay and taking away half your non government mandated vacation days until you can make a better robot.” Hannibal took a deep breath in. “Now get out of my office!”

Viceroy left the office in a bitter mood. “It’s not my fault that the richest man in the world doesn’t know what he wants his Weapons of Ninja Destruction to do.” When he returned to his workstation he sat down and began designing a new robot. “Hmm maybe I’ll make a the biggest robot ever. Ya, that’s what I’ll do.” He smiled softly at the idea. “I’ll put a big old pulse laser in each one of its arms. Then I’ll give it twin rail guns on its back and a small laser on its head.” As he designed the robot Konrad ended up walking into the room. “Guten Tag! I heard you and the big man got into a fight.”

“We did, he just doesn’t understand how hard it actually is to design a killer robot.”

“Why not take your labour somewhere else?” Konrad suggested. “Are you saying that I should quit.” Viceroy scratch his beard as he thought about the prospect. “I didn’t sign any non-compete clause when I was first hired, so I could work somewhere else. But what kind of business would hire someone with a degree from mad scientist university?” As if on queue an ad began playing on the TV in the background.

The narrator in the ad spoke with a fake Austrian accent. “Hey kids it’s Mic the Military Industrial Complex Rubber Stamp!” The sound of children cheering could be heard before Mic spoke in the ad. “We here at Defiance Industries are now hiring new engineers and robotics experts. All you need to have in order to apply for a position is a degree from Mad scientist university and at least ten years of prior work experience.” An image of one of the degrees popped up on screen before the ad came to an end with the narrator reciting one final line of dialogue. “We here at Defiance Industries would like to remind you that the world doesn’t run on hugs and your neighbours are trying to kill you.” The ad came to an end.

“I think I found my new employer.” Viceroy had a smug smile plastered all over his face. He then began to laugh like a mad man. “So you’re going to work for the capitalist war machine directly.” Konrad said before he joined in the laughter. “Soon you’ll be living the true American dream.”

“Yes I will.”

-Later
“Quit! You can’t quit, you are fire!” Hannibal screamed at Viceroy who didn’t flinch at his boss’s verbal outburst. “You need to give me a week’s notice before you can fire me.”

“Damn you labour laws!” Hannibal used his metallic fist to break the computer’s screen before tossing it across the room. As he continued to have a temper tantrum Viceroy just got up and left. Long after he had already left Hannibal finally calmed down. “Sorry about that Viceroy, but have a mental breakdown really works up an appetite. So how about we head to PJ…” Hannibal looked around the room to see no one else. “Viceroy? You know that we banned playing hide and seek in the office after that kid went missing.” The only voice he heard was the echo of him saying missing. “Viceroy this isn’t funny. You’re starting to scare me.”

“So I heard that Viceroy quit.” Konrad entered through one of the shadows in the corner of the room, giving Hannibal a fright. “He quit? Like for real.” Konrad nodded his head. “So he wasn’t joking, he’s really gone.”

“I’m afraid so, he’s gone to work for Defiance Industries.” Hannibal didn’t respond to anything Konrad said. He instead sat back down in his chair and remained quiet. “I’ll leave you to process your grief. I believe that this is what they call the denial stage.” Konrad, then turned around and walked back into the shadow that he emerged from earlier.

“Denial? I’m not denying anything!”

-The Next Morning
Hannibal’s alarm clock went off and began playing an instrumental version of Good Morning U.S.A. The moment the first note hit his ear he hopped out of bed and began to sing. “Good morning Norrisville!” He quickly put his clothes on. “I got a feeling that it’s gonna be a wonderful day!” He opened a window and took in the beauty of the city. “The sun in the sky has a smile on his face!” He ran down the stairs and hugged both Bash and Marci. “And he's shining a salute to this American place!” Hannibal open the door, grab the newspaper and ran to his car, hopping into it and driving down the road. “Oh boy, it’s swell to say…”

He waited patiently for Viceroy to pop up and say good morning Norrisville. But no one popped up from underneath the seat. “Viceroy, you can’t be getting cold feet now. We’ve been practising this for two weeks now.” Once again, Viceroy refused to show himself. “I hugged Bash for this! You can’t leave me hanging!” He pulled over to the side of the road and checked his car. “Ok where are you.” Nearly an hour have passed before he accepted that Viceroy wasn’t in the car. He then hopped back in his car and drove down to work.

The first thing he did when he entered the front office was to speak with his robot secretary. “Do you know where Viceroy is?”

“Oh, I am sorry Mr. McFist, but Willem Viceroy the 3rd no longer works here.”

“What?”

“He quit yesterday.” He started at the robotic secretary that sat before him. “He quit?”

“Sir would you like me to get you a dictionary?”

“That wouldn’t be necessary.” It took him a while to process what he actually heard. He didn’t actually think Viceroy would ever actually quit. “Sorry it’s just a lot to deal with, I just want to be left alone for a while.”

-Later (Anger)
“Can you believe that he actually did that!” Hannibal destroyed the recently replaced computer screen. “Sir we just had that installed!” Mort said meekly.

“Well install a new one! Actually just kill the ninja.” Konrad could be heard shouting ‘yes’ in the next room over. “Mort I want to hit him with everything we have.”

“Ok, I’ll go do that.” Mort ran down to the robot deployment station and began hitting every button he could.

-The Next Morning (Bargaining)
“Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” Viceroy said with a smile on his face as he got out of bed. He ate breakfast, took a shower and put on his best clothes. “Oh, I should probably check my voicemail.” He sat in his car and listened to the voicemails he had received overnight as he drove to his new work location. “Hey Viceroy, how’s it going today? Well I think that we should have a little chat at PJ’s. The food is on me!”

“Sup Viceroy, I’m just wondering if you got my first call. The offer…” Viceroy was stopped by a red light and use the opportunity to skip to the next call. “Please Viceroy come back! I miss you so much!” There was two minutes of uninterrupted crying before the voice message ended.

-Around Lunchtime (Depression)
“Mr. McFist, the ninja is currently slaughtering yet another entire squad of marauder bots. Would you like us to continue the attack?” The robotic secretary, said over the intercom. “Mr. McFist he’s getting closer.” Hannibal looked down at the intercom wondering if he actually had the strength to answer it. “Sir, he’s in the room with me, demanding to speak to you.” He sighed before hitting the talk button on his desk. “Just send him in.”

“Ok sir.” The sound of the ninja sprinting down the hall could be heard before the robot secretary even ended the call. Within less than a minute, the ninja had kicked down the door to Hannibal‘s office. “What the juice are you up to!” The ninja yelled before he marched over to his desk. “I’ve been fighting your honking robot for nearly 15 hours.” The ninja grabbed Hannibal by his shoulders and began to shake him back-and-forth. “I’ve drinking nothing but coffee and monster energy for the last ten of those 15 hours! I can already feel the kidney stones forming.” The ninja winced as he imagined the pain he would have to deal with later.

“Ninja, can you just kill me.” Hannibal moved his head to the side to expose his neck to what would hopefully be a swift and relatively painless sword cut. “What the actual… you’re joke?” The ninja looked bewildered as he tried to actually understand what Hannibal had just requested. “No ninja, I really want you to help me preform seppuku. Don’t worry I got a knife to gut myself right here.” He pulled out a large but not impractically large knife. The ninja’s jaw dropped. “I don’t kill people.”

“Oh, well can you find me some who does?”

“No, why the juice are you asking me to do that?”

“Viceroy left and took a part of my heart with him.” Hannibal covered his face as he began to sob. “I’m just, smoke bomb.” The emotional anguish he was experiencing was so intense that he didn’t even realize a smoke bomb had gone off and the ninja had just vanished.

-The School
“So McFist just asked me to help him commit seppuku.” Howard looked at Randy with an expression that could only be described as being formed from pure discussed, shock and confusion. “Who the fuck starts a conversation like that, I just sat down!” Randy looked at Howard and shrugged his shoulders. “Well I guess that I do.”

“It was a rhetorical question, Cunningham.” Howard continued to speak when Randy noticed that the nomicon was flashing. He opened it and let his mind be sucked in.

He found himself sitting in front of a fat old man and a young samurai with a chain around his leg. A ninja appeared behind the two and began fighting them. The ninja would ultimately achieve victory, but it was short-lived. Because after the man was slain, the samurai was free from the chain and quickly slayed the ninja.

“The samurai who makes a Shogun dangerous may be more dangerous as a Rōnin than as a loyal samurai.”

Randy wasn’t a genius, but even he could see the obvious warning behind the message. He was then brought back to the land of the waking. “I need to get Viceroy to work for McFist again!” Randy quickly ran out of the cafeteria and hopped on his bike. There was only one place in town aside from McFist Industries that a man like Viceroy would work at, Defiance Industries.

When he finally reached the building, he locked his bike up and hopped into the bushes to slip on his mask. He then open the front door and ran to the secretary “Does William Viceroy work here?”

“Hmm, let me check.” The woman slowly opened the staff file on her computer and began slowly scrolling through the names. “I’m sorry but I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“Don’t worry, ninja I’m the fastest secretary we have here.” It took her half a minute to actually read one name and scroll to the next one. “Oh silly me. This is the employee list for the entire corporation, not the list for this location.” The woman laughed before finding the correct list and getting the slow tedious process all over again.

After what felt like an eternity the woman finally said what Randy wanted to hear. “William Viceroy, I believe that’s who you’re looking for.” Randy let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, now where is he?” She pointed him to the testing grounds that Viceroy was probably working at.

-McFist’s Office
“Mr. McFist, it’s Mort. Your wife is worried about you.” Mort continue to knock on the office door hoping for a reply apply. “I’m sorry sir, but I’m coming in.” In a surprising show of strength Mort kick down the reinforce store and ran into the office. He found Hannibal lying face down on the ground. “Oh lord! I’m not letting another boss die on my watch!” More ran over and attempted to perform CPR. But just before his lips touched Hannibal’s face, he felt a metallic fist push him away. “I’m not dead, I just passed out. Wait what do you mean another boss?”

“When I was in college I worked in a restaurant.” Mort began to turn pale as he recited the story. “And one day someone forgot to clean the grease a puddle off of the floor then the head chef came by with a scolding hot pot of soup. She then slipped on the grease and spilled the soup all over herself. It then melted her skin off of her bones.” Hannibal stared at Mort incomplete and other horror, and discussed as the redhead kept speaking. “Same thing happened to the husband of the science teacher at Howie’s school.”

Hannibal stood up and brushed himself off. “Mort you’ve just done something amazing for me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you have reminded me of how much I need Viceroy. Now let’s go for a ride in the hovercraft.”

-Defiance Industries
“So Viceroy, what do you have to show me today?” Mrs. Washington asked. Unbeknownst to her and Viceroy, Randy had snuck into the warehouse and was now watching from the ceiling. “I call it the Behemoth!” Viceroy unveiled the massive 110 ton machine that stood behind him. The machine stood in an almost bird like posture with its knees bending backwards. “It’s a walking fortress, it comes equipped with a large pulse laser in each arm, two massive gauss guns on its back. A regular large laser in its left torso, a pair of flamethrowers on its lower half to prevent infantry from trying to destroy its legs and a medium pulse laser by the cockpit.” Randy was mortified by stood underneath him, in contrast to Randy’s reaction Mrs. Washington was pleased with what stood before her. “Can you give me a demonstration?”

“Yes I can.” He said he before he powered on the machine. “Bring out the tank.” The large doors to the warehouse opened as an M1 Abrams rolled out onto the field in front of the building. “Fire one of the gauss guns.” A rail gun fired its 105mm diameter round at the tank completely ripping the turret to shreds. “Impressive, but was it really necessary to destroy a 4.3 million dollar tank?” Viceroy shrugged. “I like testing on the real deal. Now fire a large pulse laser at the tank.” Five short beams of blue light collided with the tank melting the area around the impact zones.

Mrs. Washington impressed by the weaponry, but still sceptical of the machine as a whole. “Do the three other weapon systems work just as well?” The pilot fired the regular large laser and a continuous beam of blue light emerged for seven seconds completely melting what was left of the tank. “Well at least we got our monies worth out of that tank, at least in regards to testing this super weapon.” She said. “Now how much would this cost per unit to produce?”

“It should only be about 315.36 million dollars per unit.”

“I’ll take it, keep up good work like this Viceroy and you’ll be a national hero in a matter of time.” Her words made him smile.

Yeah, I need to destroy that thing.” Randy quickly jumped into action. “Viceroy you can’t do this!”

“Ninja?” The scientist was stunned to see the arch enemy of his former boss standing right before him. “Look ninja I’m no longer in the ‘weapons of ninja destruction’ business. I’ve now fully committed myself to the ‘weapons of mass destruction’ business.”

“Yeah, um how do I say this.” Randy scratched his head as he tried to think of a way to make Viceroy understand. “McFist asked me to cut off his honkin' head the other day!” Viceroy wasn’t phased by what he heard. “Not my problem anymore.”

“Ok, true but do you really want your machines to be used to kill innocent people?” Viceroy rolled his eyes at the question. “I went to mad scientist university and I’ve been trying to kill you for seven years, so do you really think I have a problem with innocence getting caught in the crossfire?” Viceroy spoke with more sass than normal.

‘Ok new plan.’ Randy thought to himself. “So Mrs. Washington what would you do if a single guy without any modern weapons destroyed that big old robot.”

“I would probably fire Viceroy and have him black listed.” She said before squinting at the ninja. “Wait why do you ask?”

“Oh, you’ll see.” Even though his face was covered everyone could tell Randy was smiling. “Don’t you dare!” Viceroy pulled out the customary M1911 pistol that all employees of Defiance Industries were given. But Randy was able to dodge every incoming shot fired his way. “Ninja the bigger they are the harder they fall!” He yelled as he leap into the air and began tossing tiny big explosion balls at the machine. “No stop!” Viceroy pulled out the controller and began desperately trying to fight off the ninja with the machine.

But the machine had an Achille’s heel, the legs hadn’t been properly lubricated, so they refused to move. Making the multimillion dollar mech a sitting duck. Even its anti-infantry weapons were no use against the ninja as he simply avoided going near the flame throwers. “No stop my baby!” Viceroy got on his knees and began to cry as the machine‘s metal armour began to melt away exposing its vulnerable insights to direct attacks. “Ninja slice, ninja slice, ninja slice.” Randy kept saying with every swing of his sword. “Just to be safe, ninja tiny but bigger explosion ball!” When the tiny ball hit the robot what was left of it was disintegrated near instantly. “Well my work here is done, smoke bomb!” Viceroy’s jaw dropped to the floor as the ninja disappeared in front of him. “I’m fired aren’t I?”

“That is correct, in fact now is the start of your one weeks notice. Now scram!” Mrs. Washington gave him two hours to collect his belongings and leave the building. When he was leaving the parking lot a familiar car nearly drove into him. He saw Mort and Hannibal exit the vehicle in a run towards him. “Viceroy I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you ever since I met you and those years ago. Please come back to McFist Industries.”

“Sure, I’ll come back, on two conditions.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Good, I want a contract and you to find a new verbal punching bag.”

Hannibal gave Viceroy a big hug. “Done, congratulations Mort you have a promotion.” Mort gasped. “What is it sir.” Hannibal gave Mort a pat on the back. “You’re the new lightning rod. Now take me and Viceroy to PJ’s!”

“Yes sir.” He said before hopping into the car and driving off into the sunset with Hannibal and Viceroy.

Chapter Text

A new school semester had begun and Konrad Krenz was not happy with his new students. Gone were the well behaved, Julian and Debbie. Now replaced by Randy and Howard, who the latter had been a unique source of frustration in the German class that Konrad also taught. “You better not waste my time this semester Weinerman.”

“Look I took German because I thought it would be easy.” The redhead said in his defense.

“And you butchered my beautiful language!” He yelled like a demonically possessed fox at Howard. “Howard, why can’t you be more like young Stevens over there.” He pointed to Stevens who was polishing his trumpet. “Or even that young man who looks like a clown at the back of the class. Wait a minute.” He marched over to Juggo. “Why aren’t you sitting in the open chair at the front right by Stevens.” Konrad had a policy of not allowing his students to sit in a horizontal row until all the seats in the row in front of it were filled. “Well this seat is also empty.” Juggo said meekly, in response Konrad used the empty desk like a pair of bongos. “Here now.”

“Are you…” Konrad swiftly cut Juggo off “Na. That is German for now!”

“Crazy how much angrier Mr. Krenz gets with Howard around.” Said Flute Girl. “Yeah crazy Mr. K has been on my case since day one. But it’s only gotten worse since winter break.” Howard looked to Randy to see if he had anything to say about Konrad that wouldn’t blow his cover as the ninja. “I don’t know, maybe you did something to anger him?”

“All I did was fail a German class.”

“Have you forgotten about how you are always talking in class.” Howard nearly pissed himself when he looked up and saw the contempt and hatred in Konrad‘s eyes as he hover over Howard shoulders. “Detention and see me at the end of the day.”

“He is so getting murder today.” Flute Girl whispered to Randy. As the class continued Juggo never took his eyes off of Stevens. He felt anger deep within him. No, not just anger but true hatred of the student that sat beside him. He knew that he needed to do something, but he still didn’t know what to do.

-Lunchtime
Stevens was sitting next to Flute Girl as he enjoyed some bubble gum dipped in citrus powder. The powder gave Juggo an idea of how to get back at Stevens. “I’ll be back in five.” He made his way to Mrs. Driscoll’s room. She had left the door unlocked and so he opened it. “Hi Juggo, what brings you to my class when you should be having lunch?” He nearly had a heart attack when he saw her sitting in her desk. “I was just looking for something I left in class.”

“But you aren’t in my class.” She said to him. “I think somebody is clowning around.” ‘Jerry’ joked causing Mrs. Driscoll to laugh. “Oh Jerry, you have quite the funny bone, but seriously what do you want?”

“Oh nothing, I’ll just be on my way.” He gently close the door and began walking away. Right as he turned the corner, he heard the door open again and Mrs. Driscoll leave the room unattended. He went back over to the room, opened the unlocked door and began looking for something that he could use, he found a jar labelled sodium. “Salt, this is perfect.” He took the jar and ran back to the cafeteria, got on the floor and crawled underneath the table right next to Stevens’s backpack and switched the jar containing the citrus powder with the sodium jar. He then went back to his table. “Juggo, what did you do.” Asked Randy. “Just changed his powder out for sodium.”

“So salt?” Said Howard. “Yep, I gave him salt.” The answer Juggo gave made Howard frown. “Darn I wish I could see that, but I have detention.”

-Later
The day was done and Randy was walking by Mrs. Driscoll’s room. “Excuse me Randy but can you please help me with something.” She asked him. “Sure Mrs. Driscoll, did ‘Jerry’ lose his keys again?”

“No he didn’t. A jar of sodium went missing.”

Randy thought about her question for a moment before remembering the events from lunch. “Oh, I think Juggo took it.” The mention of the clown boy caught the old skeleton’s attention. “Darn he must be planning one heck of an explosive event!” The joke made slightly smile. “He actually kind of is. He’s using the salt to replace the citrus powder that Stevens normally uses.”

Mrs. Driscoll’s jaw dropped. “You know that sodium and salt are two different substances right?”

“Oh what does sodium do?”

“It explodes when it touches water.”

Randy waited for ‘Jerry’ to speak up and deliver a punch line, but the skeleton remained quiet. “You aren’t joking?” She remain quiet as she as she started speed walking down to the gym where band practice was being held. “Oh my god she’s not joking. Well ninja time.”

-Mr. Krenz’s room
“Howard Weinerman, where do I even start.” Howard was sat in a desk as Konrad circled him like a shark circling a dying seal. “You are the worst student I’ve ever had in my two decades of teaching.” The period of time that he had been a teacher was far from two decades, but Howard was still the worst student he had ever had. “You bring me nothing but pain.” He’s glair cut deep into Howard. “Now what am I to do with you.”

“Look I know I’m not the best student Mr. K, but what’s your problem with me?”

“Oh where do I even start.” Konrad thought of everything that he hated about Howard. “You don’t lesson, you don’t behave and you are a bad influence on my daughter.” Konrad got uncomfortably close to Howard as he spoke. “You can’t retain any information. In fact, tell me what was the first thing I said to you after you spoke!”

“That I smell bad?” Konrad’s left eye twitch. “I’ll be back.” Konrad stepped into the hallway and began to scream.

-The gym
Band practice was going to begin shortly and Stevens had just put his gum into the sodium powder. He tossed it into the air, opened his mouth, expecting to catch it in his mouth, but just before it hit his tongue. “Ninja scarf catch.” Randy caught the gum midair with the scarf and pulled it away from Stevens. “Don’t use that powder!”

Stevens looked at the ninja and just shrugged his shoulders and pulled out another jar of citrus powder. He put a piece of gum into it and toss it into his mouth, before giving the ninja a thumbs up.

Juggo was waiting outside of the gym, hoping to see his plan of revenge work. “Hey we need to talk.” The set an appearance of the ninja scared Juggo. “Hey ninja how’s it going?” Juggo tried to act calm and collected. Randy wasn’t impressed by his performance. “They you are.” He turned around to see Mrs. Driscoll scolding him. “You could have killed Stevens.”

“I just swapped his citrus powder for salt, does he have a vitamin C deficiency?” Randy side before explaining what happened. “No, you gave him sodium, which explodes.”

“Oh shoot.” Juggo look looked like he regretted his actions. “And you stole from my class.” He looked up at Mrs. Driscoll and apologize to her. “Good, now I should probably go grab that sodium.”

“There’s one problem with that Mrs. Driscoll.” Everyone turned around and was shocked to actually see Stevens standing there, but now they at least understood why he never spoke. A teenager sounding a bit like SpongeBob would weird most people out. “I gave that one to Sundown, I actually thought it was baking soda.”

“I’ll go find him, smoke bomb.” And with that Randy disappeared into a cloud of orange smoke.

-The Roof
“So you’re telling me that there is a species of underground sapient mollusks that live under ground.” Creep asked Sundown. “Yah, and there is a sun goddess who is engaged in an eternal war against them.”

“Look Sundown, I’m older than this town but I have never heard of a subterranean octopus.”

Randy kicked the door to the roof down. “The powder that Stevens gave you, where is it.” Sundown blinked slowly as he thought about the question. “I think, I gave it to that German guy.”

“Oh well then that shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I think he said that he wanted to do something with it to punish Howard.”

“Ok it’s a problem.” Randy sprinted down the stairs and threw the hallway towards Mr. Krenz’s room. When he made it to the room, Randy kicked down the doors and saw Konrad preparing to mix the sodium with water. “Oh hello ninja.” Konrad said the last word of the sentence with contempt. “Is there a monster attack?”

“No…” Konrad cut Randy off. “Well then this is of no concern to you.” Konrad slammed the door shut and turned off the lights before he went back to his preparations. Randy tried to open the door, but realized it was being held shut by Víðarr. “Now Howard this is a technique to my mother taught me. When I was younger, we didn’t always have products for dental health so she improvised by using baking soda as mouthwash.”

“That is gross.”

“Yes you little imbecile, that’s why I’m going to clean your mouth out with it then maybe you would shut up!”

“Aren’t you supposed to only clean someone’s mouth out if they swear?” Even in the dark of the room, Howard could clearly see that he had struck a nerve. “My class my punishments.”

Just before the powder touched the water, Randy cut down the door with his sword. “Mr. K that isn’t baking soda!”

“Was?” ‘What?’ He said before the sodium touched the water resulting in a sizeable explosion. “It’s sodium.” Randy said as he stared at the quivering form of Konrad curled up against the wall. “Howard, you’re dismissed. I have to go to the nurse.” Konrad got up shaking as he limped to the nurse, trying to conceal his bloody hand.

-The next day
The first thing the student saw when they walked into Konrad‘s class was the missing desk. The second thing they saw was the Konrad‘s right hand wrapped in a bandage. “Good morning class. Your principal has informed me that I am no longer permitted to host detentions.”

“Womp Womp Womp.” Stevens played on his trombone. “Ich kann nicht glauben, dass ich Sie für einen der guten Schüler gehalten habe.” ‘I can't believe I thought you were one of the good students.’ Konrad said before sitting down in his chair and starting the lecture that he had prepared.

Chapter Text

“Good morning students.” Principal Slimovitz said over the intercom. “To night is the annual dance under the stars.” Even after going to the school for four years Julian still had no idea why they didn’t just call it a Valentine’s Day dance. “So Randy would you like to come with me to the dance tonight?”

“Heck yeah, I would love to.” He said to Julian. Before they went their separate ways to their classes.

-A Dark Alleyway
Catfish sat quietly behind a building when man approached him. “So Catfish bin a long time ent it?” The British man said to Catfish who smiled when he realized who it was. “Why ain’t it ma cousin Sheatfish, how’s youse doing?”

“I'ze good, I was 'oping dat we cud go and shoot some Yankee shootas.”

“No can do cousin, the coppers are all over ma popatay. I’s been on the lamb side November.”

“Well wot about da ninja I'ze been 'earing about?” The mentioning of the ninja made catfish smile. “I’s got good news cousin.”

-Konrad’s Class
“Guten Tag class…” Konrad felt a burning sensation in his throat. “I’m not feeling a hundred percent today.” He regretted attending the party McFist hosted last night. “Now today we will be learning about the Berlin…” he fell to the floor and nearly passed out as he began to vomit. “Don’t worry I’ll be fine.” Konrad then crawled into the foetal position and laid down on his side. Normally the desk would be shielding his students from the sight, but it still hadn’t been replaced since the previous one blew up.

Randy and Howard stared in awkward silence as their teacher continued to vomit. “Should we go get the nurse?” Howard asked his friend. “I’ll bring him to her.” Randy got up and attempted to drag his teacher to the nurse’s room. “Ok I need some help.” Several students got up and helped Randy bring their teacher to the room.

The nurse took one look at Konrad and tossed him into a side room with a small bed and cup of water. “He just needs to rest, now get back to class.” She told the group the students standing in front of her.

-Later at a Creepy Bar
“So dis ninja, wot can 'e do?” Sheatfish asked Catfish. “Well he gots the fire balls, swords ands a bunch of other junk.”

“Well I 'az a plan to krump dis git once and for all!” Catfish leaned in closer to hear what his cousin was planning. “What do wes do?” Sheatfish pulled out his talisman. “We need da dead.” The two ventured out towards the abandoned cemetery, just outside of town. “Us runepriest got to be togetha.” Sheatfish said as he excavated one of the graves. “Cousin, I’s know youse deal with the dead, but I’s don’t.”

“Well I doesn’t need ya 'elp wit dis.” He began using the talisman to channel the magic around him. A strange orange glow began to manifest around the dead body that lied beneath the man. The corpse began to twitch and squirm. Just small movements at first before, they were barely anything more than a simple twitch or the finger. But soon entire limbs began to move and finally it stood up. “Lord what is thy wish?” The creature said through old and torn vocal cords. “Kill da ninja.”

“Yes kill the ninja.” The body began to walk slowly and with a noticeable limp towards the school. At the pace, it was moving he would reach there by nightfall. “Good, now 'elp me dig up some moe.” Catfish quickly began digging up more bodies for his cousin to reanimate into more soldiers for their horde of the undead.

-The School at Nightfall
“To night will be a good night.” Randy spoke with confidence as he put on his best outfit, it was a relatively nice suit. It was slightly better than the once worn by Julian on a daily basis. “Cunningham, you look like a nerd.”

“Not now Howard, I’m to say calm. I don’t want to blow my dance with Julian like I did with Theresa.” Howard began to laugh at the memory of what Randy was talking about. “Oh come on man, it was only a little taco meat.”

“True but a little taco goes a long way in the stain department.” As they continue to bicker about what makes a stain bad there was a scream from the front of the campus. Randy put on the mask and ran to the source of the noise, there he saw Rachel crawling away from what appeared to be a rotting corpse that was moving around. “Ohh, ehh, yah, yah, yah, yaah, yah, yahh!” Screamed the corpse.

“A candy zombie? Hope I still got this, ninja tickle tummy poke!” The scarf hit the zombie in various parts of his stomach causing it to vomit. “And just like that it is…” his moment of victory was cut off by the creature standing back up and continuing after Rachel. “What the juice? Let’s go this again, ninja tummy tickle pole!” Once again the creature fell over vomited and got right back up. “Ok new plan, ninja black powder pistol!” He drew his gun and fired it at the head of the zombie, killing it. “You good Rachel?” The girl nodded her head as her friends pulled her away from site of the attack.

-Inside the School
[warning]
“You can do it Debbie, you can ask her out.” The woman told herself. “The worst thing that could happen is that says no.”

“What you talking about?” Howard’s sudden appearance scare Debbie. “I already told you I have a thing for Theresa.” She told the redhead who snuck up on her. “Oh right.” Howard took a sip of his drink before continuing. “So are going to ask her out tonight?”

“Yes I am.” She had confidence in her voice. “But first my mom wants me to make sure Konrad is ok.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I know he doesn’t like me.” At this point in his life Howard had come to accept that his teachers never really cared for him.

“No it’s why he doesn’t like you.” Debbie looked a little nervous as she spoke. “Yeah he thinks I’m a bad influence on you and Julian.”

“Well why he doesn’t like you because of something that you are.” Howard didn’t seem phased by what she was saying. “Yeah Kang, I know it’s because I’m a bad student. He’s told me that before.”

“No it’s something more personal.” Debbie was starting to doubt if Howard could actually read in between the lines.

“Look I’m not good at guessing so just tell me what his problem is.”

She sighed and prepared to rip the metaphorical Band-Aid off. “Well I think he may not like Jewish people.”

“So the German doesn’t like Jews. Isn’t that a little cliché? How do you know that you’re not jumping to conclusions.”

“It’s what he said last night when he got home.” She looked down at the floor as she spoke. “I was getting some water when he began talking about these conspiracies, most about how ‘they’ as he put it were the real bourgeoisie. And how ‘they’ ruled over the world with international capitalism.”

“Did he say who ‘they’ were?”

Debbie shook her head. “No he didn’t explicitly say it.” Right as they got to the nurses room with Debbie felt the feeling that she was being watched. “One last thing about last night. When he began to raise his voice, his mouth slam shut like something was forcing him to remain quiet.”
[end warning]

The room she entered was darker than the night. “Mr. Krenz are you feeling better?” She moved her hand to the light switch, but it felt like someone was grabbing onto her, preventing her from touching it.

“I’m better, but I still felt like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.” He’s partially slurred speech was, and was stuck out to Debbie. What concerned her was how his voice didn’t come from anywhere near the door and most certainly not within arms reach. “Just let me rest.” She then left the room and turned to Howard before looking out the windows. “Looks like a rain storm is coming. I should go tell Theresa.”

“Wow that does look like a pretty big storm. I’ll go tell my friends, see you later Kang.” The two of them walked in silence to the library where their friends normally were sitting. Juggo and Dave had already gone home so Julian and Theresa were alone together. “Hey there is this crazy storm coming to town.” Howard sent to the two of them. “Yah it looks pretty bad.” Added Debbie.

“Ooh, that’s romantic!” Julian slightly giggled as he spoke. “Storms have a lot of symbolic potential.” Theresa rolled her eyes at his romanticization of weather.

“Well I must excuse myself.” Julian said as he stood up and brushed himself off. “I’ll be back in a few moments.” He then walked over to the men’s bathroom and relieved himself. A familiar looking face popped up in the mirror as he washed his hands. “What do you want evil me.”

“Oh nothing, I’ve just come to tell you how much your magical powers have grown.” His doppelgänger wasn’t lying, he knew his powers were growing. He could feel it every time he used his magic. He could now make a simple fire ball that was twice the size of the one he originally made. “Evil me have you just come here to tell me what I already know?”

“No I have new information.”

“Well then, what is it?”

“There’s a lot of death magic around this town tonight. I think a necromancer is in town.” The possibility of a necromancer being near the school frightened Julian. “I should go get Randy.”

“Or you could do it all by yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

He’s reflection smiled in an inhuman way. “Well a few very big fire balls would stop anything that comes to town.” Evil Julian winked. “Evil me, I don’t like what you’re selling.” Julian walked a way from the mirror.

-Outside
“I think that’s the last of them.” Randy was drained of energy, the dozen or so wights were killed by him and now covered the ground that he stood on with blood, guts and god knows what else. He could feel that the book book wanted to speak with him. So he smoke bombed away and sat down in the bathroom and cracked the book open.

Inside the book he saw one of his own memories. It was of him and the sorcerer defeating Evil Julian, after it ended the text appeared

“When faced with an unbeatable foe find an unlikely ally.”

“Oh boy it’s that bad.” The drawing of him and the sorcerer nodded their heads as Randy was sent back to the real world. “Well time to break the stone.” He knew that Howard would be pissed at his decision, but Randy believed it would be for the greater good. As he walked towards the stone, Howard found him and began following him. “So the storm. Looks pretty bad.” Randy ignored Howard‘s attempt to break the ice. “Wait a minute! Cunningham you better not be doing what I think you’re doing.”

“I’m sorry but it’s for the greater good.” After Randy spoke, he was tackled to the wall by Howard. “You and me both know that your first idea about what the book is saying is almost never correct.”

“Well it pretty much told me there’s a zombie army coming here and I need to find an unlikely ally.”

“And who was that unlikely ally last time.”

“It was…” Randy sighed, “the sorcerer. Who is dead.”

“Right, now who was your first choice for an ally.”

“You, were my first choice.” Howard rolled his eyes at Randy’s answer. “You’re right. Now what makes you think that I’m the ally now!”

“It just feels right.”

“And that’s your problem Cunningham. You’re not a sophomore anymore, you’re a senior now. You have Julian and Theresa to help you.”

“True but are they really that unexpected?”

“I’m your best friend, we’ve been to the shadowland and back.” Howard slightly loosened his grip as he spoke. “You’re the Bonnie to my Clyde.”

“And you’re the Jesse to my James.” The two of them hugged. “Well Howard, do you know anyone who would be an unlikely ally?”

“Well there is Mr. Crazy, but he…” Howard trailed off as he began to think about what Debbie said to him. “Howard, please don’t tell me what I think you’re saying.”

-Half An Hour Away From The School
“Go my army and crump da ninja.” Yelled Sheatfish as the wight horde marched through the woods.

“Don’ts ya thinks that 1000 wights is a bit over kill.” Asked Catfish. “No we'ze need all of da 'elp we can get.” The two slowly trailed behind the army as it pushed through the trees and onto the streets of the city. “Soon dat ninja will be dead!”

-Inside the School
“Kang you can do this.” Howard tried his best to give a motivational speech to Debbie. “You’re right! I’ll walk over to her and ask her out.” Debbie said before a sheep began marching over towards Theresa, she took a deep breath before speaking to her. “Hey, Theresa. I have something to tell you.”

“Well I’m all ears.” The cheerleader said. “Would you like…” Debbie was interrupted by a wight bursting through the window, screaming as it tried to claw them. “What the fuck is that!” Debbie yelled as she tried to get away from the monster. “It’s honking zombie.” Screamed Howard as he tossed a book at the creature.

Which did little to slow the creature down. The monster curled through the window, cutting its belly open. As it stood up in the hallway, its guts poured out and created a tangled mess that it tripped over. It began crawling on the floor towards Theresa. With a sudden burst of adrenaline, Debbie ran over to the creature and began stomping on its head. “Get a way from her!” She screamed like a banshee. The stress from the attack nearly induced Theresa’s transformation. “Thanks Debbie.”

“No problem.” Debbie smiled at Theresa. “Now would you like to…” Another wight crawled through the window. “Ninja pistol trick shot.” The ninja slid into the hallway and fired his black powder pistol at the wall. The small metal ball bounced off the hard concrete and nailed the monster in the head. “Don’t worry students the ninja as always is here to protect you.”

“And so is the magician!” The magician stroll down the hallway and stood next to the ninja. “Now get back and let us get rid of those ghouls.” The magician shot a fire ball at the monsters, burning two to a crisp. But more swiftly took the place of the two that were disintegrated. Soon more of them came through the front door. “Uhhhh, ohhhh, ühhhhh, œhohh, mhhhh, ēmhhh.” Grounded one of the wights as it set its sight on Theresa, it then changed at her. “Mmhhuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!” It screamed with a primal anger.

“Decapitation swipe!” Randy’s sword easily remove the head of the beast. “Everyone hide in the gym! Me and the magician can handle this.” He turned to face Theresa. “And you young lady, I want you to guard the gym with your life.” She was dragged away by Howard and Debbie before she could object to Randy’s proposal.

“Ok ninja let’s do this.” Said Julian as he prepared to fight. “Don’t worry we got this.”

-Meanwhile, at McFist’s Industries
“Viceroy why are the sensors acting up?” McFist look at his tablet in confusion at what he was seeing. “Let me take a look.” Viceroy grabbed the tablet and looked over the readings. “Sir there appears to be an excess amount of magical energy.”

“Get the Sorceress on the phone, we need answers.” Hannibal told Viceroy who quickly did as asked.

The Sorceress was awoken by the ringing of the alarm on her tablet. “What do you want Hannibal?” She was barely awake and our speech slightly slurred. “Are you doing something, because the magic in the area is off the charts. There’s even more than there was on Halloween.” She scoffed at Hannibal‘s question. “No I haven’t, I’ve only been able to maintain that wretched form that you tell me to print around in when I’m out in public.”

“Well that’s weird.” McFist looked back at the results and began wondering what could be causing them. “Maybe someone is taking your magic and is using it for something?”

“Well what type of magic does the computer say it is.” She crossed her arms. “It seems to be, oh my goodness.” Viceroy was stunned by what he saw. “It is saying that it’s death magic.”

“Well the only person to have ever used my power for herself is not a practitioner Necromancy. So she’s not the one causing that.” A simple necromancer wouldn’t be a problem for her, she thought to herself.

“But someone is still taking your magic.” Hannibal said to her. “I know who is doing it, now you can stop it by sending some robots into the caves beneath the city. You’ll know when you finned her, and tell me when you do so I can begin planning on destroying her.” The call ended.

-At the School
“We don’t got this!” Randy yelled as he was nearly overwhelmed by the zombies. “We need reinforcements.” Julian scorched a few zombies in front of him. “What if you were wrong about what the book was saying?”

“You mean like I chose the wrong person?”

“Yes just like that.” Julian shot a fireball into the head of one of the monsters. “So if I were you I’d start thinking of alternative options.” Julian‘s comment caused Randy to think about who could help him. The vision did show the sorcerer so the ally would likely be magical. The Sorceress was too far away, it likely wasn’t Julian and Randy had no idea where catfish even was so that only left one option. “Oh, oh no.” Randy hated the realization of who the unlikely ally probably was. “It’s Mr. Krenz isn’t it.” Said Julian.

“Yes it is.” Randy said with a frown. “Just hold them off.”

-The Nurse’s Room
Randy opened the door and flicked on the lights. “Mach das Licht aus!” ‘Turn off the light!’ Yelled the skiamancer as his eyes readjusted to the light. “Ninja healing hands.” Randy grabbed Konrad by the head and began directly, blasting the healing magic into him. “Herrgott, der Schmerz!” ‘My God, the pain!’

“OK you’re all better now.” Randy pulled Konrad off of the bed. “Now we have a lot of zombies to kill.” He began dragging the Konrad down the hallway as Konrad was still trying to figure out what was happening.

Before Randy could arrive with reinforcements Julian was being pushed to his limit. “Give in.” The voice of Evil Julian said to him. “Embrace the power.” He released a massive pulse of energy doing so stained more of his hair that ill white colour like that of his doppelgänger. He began feeling the power flow through his body, it didn’t just feel good it felt incredible. He fired fire ball after fire ball and didn’t slow down even for a second. “I feel incredibly!” He said with manic energy and laughter. He was brought back down to earth when Randy returned. The five zombies in front of him were turned to ashes by a tengu fire ball. Three more had their brains destroyed by the fire of an StG-940. “Víðarr, töte!” The East German yell before a shadowy blade decapitated half a dozen undead.

“Ninja I’m glad you’re here.” Julian felt the power began to radiate out of his body like heat. “Good news magician, I found the unlikely ally.” Randy gave Konrad a pat on the shoulder. It took large amounts of his willpower to not decapitate the ninja that stood before him. “Now what the hell is happening here!”

“Zombie apocalypse.” Randy said nonchalantly. “Now back to it.” Randy pulled out his sword and sliced a wight in half. “Ninja sword slice! Ninja sword slice! Ninja sword slice!” He yelled as he cut down wight after wight. Konrad open fire again, destroying another small gang of the undead. “Reißt sie auseinander!” ‘Tear them apart!’ He yelled as his wraith began slicing and dicing.

Wave after wave were slaughtered as they entered the killing zone, yet their resolve began to break as they realize they were being steadily, pushed back by the encroaching hoard. Which refused to give any quarter. “Fall back!” Yelled Konrad as he slowly walked backwards, still firing his weapon. A bullet grazed the side of randy’s head. “Really! You’re trying to kill me in the middle of a zombie uprising!”

“I’m German, it’s what we do.” Konrad had a shit eating grin on his face. “But seriously follow me.” The three of them continue to carry out their fighting retreat until they reached the gym. “Alright students follow me.” Konrad began to act more like a drill instructor than a teacher. “First students, all of you need to form into a square!” The students did as instructed. “Now if you are attacked, I want you to stab the monster in the head until it is dead!”

“What if our arms get tired?” Asked Doug. “You swap out with the person behind you. Except you, Doug.”

“What do I…” Konrad’s face turned red with anger at Doug’s question. “You get eaten!” He turned his attention away from Doug. “Now ninja give everyone a weapon.”

“Sweet!” Howard yelled. “Ninja give me a sword!”

“No you’re not getting my sword.” Randy slid the blade back into his suit for safekeeping. “Konrad are you sure it’s a good idea to give them weapons.”

“Look, do you want them to be eaten!” He leaned in close towards the ninja, staring directly into his eyes. The glare successfully intimidated Randy. “Ok everyone gets a sai.” Randy pulled out half a dozen of a small little blades and gave them out to the students. “Good, now DJ! Play something inspirational, something that makes you feel strong.” Konrad barked at Greg. “Don’t worry man, I got the right song.” He turned on the speakers and began to play ‘The Trooper’ by ‘Iron Maiden’.

“Wunderbar.” ‘Wonderful.’ He said with a smile on his face. “Now everyone into the formation!” His command, came at the perfect moment as a loud thud could be heard on the door, followed by the groaning of the undead. On the other side of the door Víðarr was working overtime in an attempt to thin the hoard. Dead after dead was slain by the shadow.

The dead broke through the door flooding into room jaws open with gnashing teeth. Randy scored first blood when his throwing disc sliced through the head of a zombie with dirt covered blond hair, cloudy blue eyes caused by the breakdown of corneal endothelial cells and a shirt that had the text ‘G is for Gangster’ on it.

Julian fried the next body that entered the kill zone. Its old flesh turned to ash as its muscles were quickly burnt to the point it could no longer move.

Konrad mag dumped into the on coming hoard, their heads popped like bloody balloons as the bullets ripped through them. A wight slipped unnoticed through the chaotic mess that was the kill zone. It was covered by a layer of blood and gore from its fellow undead. Debbie swiftly leaped into action. She plunged her sai into the skull of the monster. She stabbed the creature over and over again until she was dragged back by Dave and Bucky. She kept trying to fight even as she was pulled away from the outer layer of the formation.

The fighting continued in the hallways as Víðarr hopped in and out of shadows. Heads were rolling as he chopped them off. Víðarr released a series of small shadow balls that raced towards the oncoming wights. The shadow balls popped releasing a larger shockwave ripping apart at least a dozen of the zombies into chunks of useless meat. The wraith returned to the shadows in order to regain its strength. Unbeknownst to everyone in the gymnasium, several of the dead had found another way in. They crawled through the vents towards the source of the noises they were hearing. The first one to break open the vent was rewarded for its ingenuity by falling face first to the ground. And having its fellow undead fall on top of it. The pack slowly began to stand back up and walk towards the unexacting students.

The students had made a simple mistake. Instead of forming in a hollow square like Konrad intended them to do, which would’ve given them a complete 360° view. They instead formed a structure that was far closer to a Roman Legion. Which left their backs exposed.

One of the zombies reaches out with his right hand, trying to grasp at the hair of a student. Unfortunately for it and fortunate for the rest of the students, the girl it was after was Theresa. The moment it grabs her hair her transformation activates turning her into a large beast. Her strong arms and sharp claws make quick work of the zombie that touched her.” Another one goes for her and she easily pulls it apart and tosses the two halves at the other once that came through the vent.

As the burst of adrenaline wore off, she returned back to her human form. As that was happening Randy, Julian and Konrad began counter attack, breaking into the hallway. They kept going forward, cutting through the hoard like a hot knife in butter. So the hallways were cleared and moved outside to continue their offensive. They fought through the parking lot into the woods, following the sounds of moaning which will bring them to the source of the outbreak. Even though Víðarr’s strength had and fully recovered, it still assisted them by launching quick hit and run attacks against individual monsters.

Soon they came to the dock where they saw Catfish and someone they didn’t know standing together. The stranger shouted something causing the dead to push forward faster than they did before. Julian threw a fireball at them, causing Catfish to jump into the water. Quickly Sheatfish began channelling his magic to resurrect the secret weapon of his. His very own Frankenstein’s monster assembled from the body of a Mexican Death Bear and a Gorilla, or as Catfish had called it, the Booger bear. Julian began attempting to lead the zombies away from their master, leaving only a few to actually protect Sheatfish.

The bright fire prevented Konrad from using his shadow magic or his wraith. Instead, he needed to rely on his blades and bullets to win the fight. He brought down zombie after zombie by bullet after bullet and blade after blade. The Booger bear brought its large arms down upon him nearly breaking his back, but Randy saved him by tossing his ninja tripping balls, throwing off the beast’s aim causes it to hit the dock instead. Sheatfish pulled out a dagger and charged at the ninja. In a moment of panic Randy drew his sword and plunged it into the man’s stomach. The moment Randy heard the sickening sound of metal cutting through flesh everything went quiet, except for the affirmation sound of flesh being torn by metal.

Randy looked down in horror to see the man bleeding out beneath him. “I just killed him!” Randy stared down at the dying body of Sheatfish. “What, you’ve never killed before?” Konrad was perplexed by what his unlikely ally had said. “Well ninja how does it feel to lose your murder virgin?” Konrad laughs at his comment. Randy didn’t hear Konrad’s comment as he was too focussed on the literal blood on his hands. “I killed him.” He said in a sorrowful tone.

As the last bit of life faded away from Sheatfish Konrad drew his blade and walked up to the still distracted ninja. “Wir sehen uns in der Hölle, Ninja.” ‘See you in hell ninja.’ Randy quickly came back to his senses and rolled out of the arc of the knife. “Seriously a you did that for a second time! What the fuck is wrong with you!” Randy felt a fire burning deep within him, a fire known as anger. “Like I said, I’m German.” He smiled before charging at Randy, who quickly jumped overhead and wrapped his scarf around the man’s lags. Konrad then swiftly pulled out his side arm and began firing at the ninja.

Randy quickly began parring the bullets with his sword. “Don’t you know when to quit!”

“We started two world wars ninja! And by god will do it again!” Konrad began to laugh like a psychopath as Randy pounced on him and began to beat him with his fists. Randy didn’t let up his beating even though the dock began to break from the fire and fighting. Konrad struck him in the eye before striking him in the balls with his still bound legs. “Ah!” Screamed Randy has Konrad gained the upper hand. He forced Randy’s head beneath the water attempting to drown him.

In an active of desperation, Randy tossed his scarf around Konrad’s neck which he used to pull the man beneath the water with him. Randy’s oxygen supply was dwindling rapidly so he knew had to finish the fight fast. He kicked and punched Konrad as he continue to wrap his scarf around him. Soon Konrad’s nose was broken and his limbs were bound together and with one last kick to the head Konrad was sent off deeper into the water of the lake.

Randy breached the surface and took the biggest breath of his life before swimming to the shore. He saw Julian surrounded by piles of dead bodies. “I think we should go home.” Julian said as Randy came up and hugged him. The two of them disappeared into a cloud of orange smoke.

As the unconscious body of Konrad sink deeper into the water. It was noticed by the Sharkderminator, which quickly move closer to the human. The monster placed the man in its hands and swam up towards the surface and placed him down on dry land. As the Sharkderminator left Konrad’s badly broken body was pulled into the shadows.

-Back at the School
The only thing left to do was the clean up. Men in hazmat suits came to the school to take care of the bodies. Fortunately, whatever caused the dead to resurrect didn’t appear to be contagious. So no students had to be black bagged and sent to a government black site. This was very fortunate for Doug as he had been severely mauled by the monsters.

Randy and Howard watched from a distance as the cleanup crew did their job. “So you killed a guy today.” Randy nodded his head in shame. “Yeah, I’m still processing it.”

“Well the guy you kill was violating the laws of the universe by resurrecting the dead, so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.” Howard took a look over the path of destruction. “And you might have killed Mr. K.”

“Oh yeah, wow I just started killing people an hour ago and I’ve already killed twice as many people as I thought I ever would.”

“Two times zero is still zero.”

“Not now Howard.” Randy said before standing up. “I think I need some sleep.” As Randy walked off the Creep watched from afar and tipped his hat. “Take it easy ninja, things are only going to get harder from here.”

Chapter Text

-Stevens
Stevens was cleaning his trumpet as Randy was engaged in an intense fight against a robot. But Stevens paid no attention to it, he considered his trombone too precious, to not be cleaned regularly, even if it means possibly being hit by a robot. “Why are you just standing there!” Yelled the ninja, but Stevens paid no attention to him.

-Greg
“Come on down to Greg’s Game Hole! We got games that you’re gonna never wanna stop playing! Like the Grave Puncher tetralogy, Street Racer, the Ultra Mariusz sibling series and so many more!” The radio add ended. “All right Dwight you can do it.” The said to himself as he loaded his gun. He stepped out of his car and kicked on the front door to the Game Hole. “On the ground! This a robbery!”

Everyone did as the man said except for Greg, who quietly looked at him. “I said on the ground!” Greg without saying a single word casually dispensed a single quarter from his coin belt and held it up to the man’s face. Dwight didn’t know how to react to what Greg was doing. “On the ground now!” He yelled on repeat. “Skibow man, skibow.” We’re the only words Greg would end up saying to Dwight. And have her second Greg grabbed Dwight’s wrist and twisted his hand, 90° pointing the gun upwards to the roof. Greg then slammed his knee into the man’s testicles, knocking him down to the floor before roundhouse kicking him not going out a tooth.

As Greg was calling the cops Dwight was crawling away at a snail’s pace. Unfortunately, for him, there was a far faster robot in hot pursuit of the ninja. Literally in hot pursuit as the machine had begun to overheat. “Ninja tripping balls!” Yelled Randy as he tossed the balls out, causing the machine to trip sanding it crashing into the ground and exploding. One of the overheated chunks of metal landed on Dwight’s face severely burning it before the cops could arrive to remove it.

-Sundown
“Want to hear about the underground octopus people?” Sundown says to the homeless crack head as he wake up. The creep remained silent hoping that Sundown would drop the question. “We they’ve underground since the Ice Age and are actively weighing a war against a sun goddess.”

“Ok that’s enough for today.” The creep said as he got up and left.

-Mrs. Driscoll
“Oh Jerry you know how to treat a woman.” She smiled as she spoke with the skeleton of her dead husband. “Don’t worry sweetheart?” ‘Jerry’ said which gave her a smile. “I miss you every day Jerry, why didn’t I say goodbye.” She placed Jerry away in the trunk of her car and drove home. When she reached her destination she popped the trunk and brought him into the house.

She sat down on her couch and held the skeleton hand of her long dead husband. “I wish I could have just said goodbye.”

-Coach Green
We the jury find Oliver Green guilty of criminal negligence leading to death and destruction, the use and possession of illegal fireworks and the extension of the rare Oklahoma Ostrich which which leads us to the final guilty verdict of 62 accounts of arson.” After the jury finished delivering the verdict, the judge just looked disappointed at Green before he sighed and gave the verdict. “Green you’re getting the chair. And your sentence is to be carried out immediately.”

“What…” was all he could say before a black bag was placed over his head as he was dragged away to his prison cell.

-Pitch Kickham
The sun was beating down on the field as Pitch ran out on to it. “Good afternoon Norrisville!” The crowd cheered as he spoke. “Today I will kick this football… I mean soccer ball through eight flaming hoops!” The crowd went wild with excitement. “Ok just focus Pitch.” He closed his eyes and took a long deep breath in before he kicked the ball.

The soccer ball went flying through the air and hoops. The crowd cheered and chanted his name as the ball landed on the ground untouched by the fire. “Is that it Viceroy, that’s all he’s does?” Hannibal asked as he viewed the game from his VIP seat. “Would you like me to show you the probability of him making that shot?” Viceroy had already done most of the calculations in advance predicting that his boss would be disappointed. “Sure, I doubt it would actually change my opinion.”

“Well it’s worth a shot.” Viceroy should the calculations. “I probably should have specified that it wouldn’t help me because I don’t understand this type of math.”

“Well at least I get to hear you say that you’re not perfect.” Viceroy giggled.

“You’re pushing it Viceroy.”

-Uncle Sledge
Randy and Howard were playing games at Howard’s place when a Heidi looked out the window and saw someone running towards the house. “Looks like Uncle Sledge got out early?”

The mentioning of his uncle caused how to lose all interest in the game he was playing. “Did he bring us presents?”

“He’s covered in blood.”

“Well that’s not a no.” Replied Howard before Uncle Sledge knocked on the door. “Please let me in!” He yelled before the siblings opened the door. “Hello Uncle Sledge.” They said in unison which freaked Randy out. “Hey kids!” He said like a maniac. “Old Uncle Sledge will have to stay in your basement for a bit. Did your dad install the secret underground bunker?”

“Oh yeah, he did that like a long time ago.” Heidi said to him. “Good, now how do I know that skinny White or Asian boy over there isn’t going to get the pigs over here?” Randy could tell that Sledge was planning something. “Don’t worry about Danny…” Randy interrupted Heidi. “It’s Randy.”

“Yay, like I said. Now the vault door is unlocked and it’s right under the old carpet.” She opened the basement door for him. “Thanks you two so much, now Uncle Sledge needs some alone time.” He smiled before he closed the door.

-Morgan
The night club was full as Morgan stepped out onto the dance floor. She was able to dance perfectly to the beat of any song the DJ could play. “Wow look at her go!” Said one of the clubbers. “Dang she’s on fire!” Yelled another one. As she continued to dance Randy was fighting a spider like robot outside. The machine fired its quad lasers at Randy, who was barely able to avoid being burnt alive. “Damn where does Viceroy even get the materials to build these things?”

The machine charged for it at Randy, it’s four spider like legs reaching the speed of 96 km/h. “Ninja tripping balls!” The small balls were useless against the machine as they just broke and flattened under its immense weight. It then released a wave of bullets from its for machine gun. Randy charged forward and rolled on the ground, dodging the incoming bullets before using his chain blade as a rope to climb the machine. “Tiny big explosion balls!” he yelled as he tossed a handful of said balls into a small gap of the machine’s armour. The explosion took out its internal machinery, causing it to stumble to the floor and crash into the nightclub.

The machines ammunition began to cook off causing bullets to fly around the building. The bullets began to hit random objects, creating small sparks igniting more fires. Randy quickly took the initiative and came up with a plan to stop the fire. “I need the sand to smother that fire like no other!” Suddenly pounds of sand began bursting out from the ground covering the fires that threatened to golf the building. As this unfolded, Morgan continued to dance completely unfazed by the destruction around her.

-Doug
“Hello I’m Doug. And this is my vlog.”

“For today’s breakfast I am eating scrambled eggs with bacon.”

“I am now walking to school. Over there is Bash Johnson, he used to beat me up every day but now if he attacks me I am able to call the cops and actually have charges pressed on him.”

“I’m now in class. My teacher said I should stop talking, but I won’t. They’re not going to do anything about this.”

“Lunch time is usually when the monsters attack. Let’s see if we can spot one. No there isn’t one today. Shame I was to get one on camera.”

“Now I am going to class, the hallway I’m in is probably my favourite one in the school. If you look over there you’ll see the new teacher. His name is Mr Krenz. He just started working here about a month ago. And now he’s looking at me.”

“I’m home now and apparently Mr Krenz doesn’t like people recording him.”

-Principal Slimovitz
“Is she done?” The mechanic nodded his head. “She’s ready for the road Mr Slimovitz.”

“Excellent.” Irving was ecstatic as he hopped into his car and turned it on. “I’ll take good care of you.” He gave it a kiss on the steering wheel. He slowly turned onto the road and began driving away. He drove at the exact speed limit, not a mile faster or slower and he made his turns with surgical precision. Slimovitz was such a good driver he was given the award for best driver in Oklahoma of 2013 and 2015. Nothing would ruin this day.

“Ah! The ninja!” Screamed Hannibal as Randy broke into the building through the window. “Viceroy fire the Particle Projection Canon!” The scientists did as asked and powered on the weapon. The machine fired its lightning at Randy, who jumped out of the way of the bolt. The bolt punched straight through the brick wall and barely missed Slimovitz’s car.

Slimovitz sighed in relief. “Wow, that was a close one.” He then placed his foot back on the pedal. “Nothing can ruin this day.” He laughed before another bolt burst through the building and destroyed part of another. The bricks from the second building fell down, and one of them landed directly on his car’s passenger side door. “Well it’s not the worst thing that could have happened.”

-The Creep
The sun was hot and the air was dry. The Creep stood under a tree as gun shots rang out across the fields. The small town of name had been abandoned by the time the Osage and Cherokee were forced out of their land and moved all the way here.

He understood what it was like to have a stranger show up and force you out of your own home. He even after nearly eight hundred years that William the Bastard sent his man up north to burn, rape, loot and kill the families of those who had the nerve to dare say that an illegitimate man who’s claim to the throne was paper thin should not be placed on the throne when a rightful heir was already of the age of ascension.

He remembers how even the Duke of Normandy’s own advisors called it a ‘stain upon his soul’. But that didn’t stop the duke, nothing could stop him.

The Creep doesn’t know why he was different from the rest of his people, why it was him who woke up on a battlefield with bodies all around him. Or why his head reached itself to his chest. The only thing that he knew was that he was still able to breathe and walk. So that’s what he did he walked, he walked all the way down to the bastard’s home in London to kill him.

All that on him was a permanent home in a dungeon. He didn’t know how long he was in there, but eventually a kind priest said that he had been blessed by God and so he should be freed. When the creep was able to walk freely again, he marched all the way down to the coastline and took a small boat out to sea. He spent years crossing the ocean, but he eventually reached another continent. He had heard stories of the land where the sun would rise every day, and it was beautiful. The next years all blurred together, he remembers a beaver nest the size of a river red trees as tall as the sky.

As his odyssey continued throughout the years, he eventually meant a ninja. He had never seen anything like him before, the man was faster and stronger than anyone who had lived before him. Eventually, the two became friends and the ninja told the creep about the sorcerer. And from there, everything begins to blend together again until the modern day.

He had figured that this United States of America was made by the descendants of those who William did not kill. And it broke the creep’s heart to know that his people were committing the same atrocity as the bastard William had done all those years ago.

-Brock Octane
“Brock Octane, in Norrisville?” Julian was stunned that the movie star will be coming to this small town. “Bucky do you think an autograph would be a good present for Randall?” Julian wanted to show some gratitude for Randy becoming such a protective and kind friend after the land of shadows incident. “Yeah, I’d say he would like it.” Bucky didn’t take his eyes off the video game he was playing as he spoke. “Well then, I know what I’m doing today.” Julian got ready and hopped on the bus that would take him downtown.

The line for the autograph was long, very long. Julian spent nearly two hours in the line before he finally got to speak with Brock. “Good day Mr. Octane,” Julian bowed and tipped his hat towards the actor, “could you please sign this poster.”

“Sure thing.” Brock said with a smile, it was clear to Julian that Brock quite liked and interacting with his fans. “Man the people here are a lot nicer than the ones out west. This one postal worker nearly killed people on his way to see me!”

“Well I’m glad you found this town to be more to your liking.” Said Julian before exiting the room and going home.

-Bash Johnson
“Football!” Yelled Bash as he charged into the enemies’s line. “I don’t get it Viceroy, how do you get into university by doing a sport that actively damages your brain?” Hannibal look down at his stepson who had just knocked down another player by charging directly into him. “Well at least he’s good at this.” Viceroy said with a bit of sass.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

-Heidi
Heidi was lying on her bed when Howard knocked on the door. “Randy said you’re hot.” Heidi cringed at hearing the words of Howard. “Ew, and why are you telling me this.”

“I’m telling you for two reasons, one so you know that there’s a chance he’ll try to make a move on you and two I need to vent because he’s annoyed with me because I share too much.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What did you share with Sandy?”

“Are you aware of what an aristocrats joke is?”

-The First Ninja
“Dad, I’m afraid.” The First Ninja looked up at his father. “Now is not the time to be afraid my son.” The man’s voice was old and wise. “There are moments when fear is guaranteed and necessary.”

The son looked at his father with confusion in his eyes. “I’m confused, I thought being an afraid was a bad thing?”

“My son fear is only a bad thing when it controls you and you don’t control it.”

-Mort
The AC was on and its cooled air ran over Mort’s hair. He was typing away on his computer when he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Mort, do you know where the ninja killing turbo frogs are?” Viceroy asked. “Last I checked they were in cold storage.”

“No then.” Viceroy nodded his head before going to look for them. “Why do we have so many things to kill ninjas.” Mort said to himself. “I’ve only been here for a month and I’ve seen like two dozen machines, all designed to kill ninjas.”

-S. Ward Smith
“So about the sword?” Randy was saddened by the loss of his sword. For nearly two years it had been by his side and it had won him several battles.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it.” Ward said as he worked on the new sword. “The sword served you well and you served it well. Well better than your first one.” The mentioning of the bulldozer incident made Randy roll his eyes. “Here you go kid.” Ward tossed the new sword to Randy. It looked nearly a tentacle to his second one but it weighed slightly more and had a slightly blue tinge to the metal. “Sweet, can’t wait to use this one.” Randy began slashing up the air like a child who was pretending he had a light sabre.

A scream came from outside of the metal work room. “I think can try it out right now.” Randy turned Ward and smiled. “Thank you and smoke bomb!” And with that Randy disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

-Brawn Brickwall
“Today I famous explorer and naturalist Brawn Brickwall will give a moogie to the legendary and dangerous Smoke Jaguar!” Brawn said to the camera. Brawn and his crew spent several hours tracking down the beast, but when they finally found one, they began rolling the camera again. “There she is, now Smoke Jaguars are a bit like the Spartans of ancient Greece. Any children who they don’t think are strong enough will be killed by their own mother.”

The cameraman stared at Brawn in horror. “Look, Mr. Brickwall I don’t think this is a good idea.” He whispered. “Nonsense, I am a master of stealth.” Declared Brawn before he leaped into action. He sprinted towards Smoke Jaguar, fully anticipating the beast would launch a counterattack against him. He was right and the beast leaped into action.

‘Just as planned.’ He thought to himself as spun around mid air, dodging the beast’s sharp claws, and grabbing it by the back of the neck. “Noogie noogie!” he yelled, victoriously as he gave the beast a humiliating noogie. It roared out as Brawn’s fist began twisting on its head. “And that’s how you give a Smoke Jaguar a noogie.

-Miss Wickwhacker
“So what do you do for a living?” Wickwhacker’s date asked. “I teach high school band.” The woman’s eyes lit up. “Really? That’s so cool!”

“Glad you find my job interesting.” Wickwhacker smiled before leaning in for a kiss with her date. As the lesbian couple was enjoying their time Ms. Kang was having her first date with the man who saved her daughter‘s life, Konrad Krenz. “I don’t think we should be here.” He said in an attempt to avoid coming face-to-face with Miss Wickwhacker and her date.

“Is there something wrong with your food?” Ms. Kang asked as she enjoyed her steak. “Have you ever accidentally hit on a… gay man?”

“No I don’t think so, is this because of the lesbian couple over there.” She said before Konrad looked over his shoulder to see that the couple was still kissing. “I would rather not discuss this any further.”

-The Cunninghams
“Mom, where do babies come from?” Six year old Randy asked. “Nani?” She replied to her son’s question. “Diarmaid can you please help me.” Her husband quickly entered the kitchen. “Whit's it darling?”

“Our son wants to know where… babies come.” A drop of sweat ran down her face and she had a look of discomfort on her face. “Well my wee lad when a mommy and daddy love each other very much…” Sayoko interrupted him. “Keep this age appropriate.”

“Well in that case.” Diarmaid said with a shit eating grin. “Sorry Randy your old man isn’t a doctor or one of those people who poke and prod animals for a living, but your mother is.” He stood up quickly and tried to leave the room.

“Ā, sō janai yo.” ‘Oh no you don't.’ Sayoko now stood in between. “Look darling…” he paused as he tried to think of a new way to escape having to tell his son about the birds and the bees. But right before he made a run for it an idea popped into his head. “Randy, the mommy and daddy make the baby.”

“How?” Young Randy said. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Diarmaid then ran out of the room.” Randy then looked up at his mom. “Dō yatte?” ‘How.’ Sayoko sighed. “Anata ga motto ōkiku nattara oshiete ageru yo.” ‘I'll tell you when you're older.’

-Gene Levine
“So let me get this straight. This Porta potty is actually a time machine that someone broke into and took a shit in?”

Viceroy nodded his head. “That’s the long and short of it.”

“Ok Viceroy, I don’t feel like getting isekaied today and needed to go on some adventures like in A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland or Wizard of Oz.”

“Gene…” Viceroy stared deeply into the man’s eyes as he spoke, “how do you know what an isekai is but can’t a single Japanese one?”

“It was the answer to yesterday’s crossword puzzle.”

-Debbie
“Debbie they found him.” Those four words sent her into overdrive. With in seconds she and her mother were in the car and speeding down the road to the hospital. When they arrived they burst through the front door and began running around the hospital, like chickens out their heads looking for his room.

They were completely exhausted when they found his room and entered it. They were created by Konrad line on his bed, reading a book. “Guten Tag. I’m glad you could visit.” He smiled when he spoke. Ms. Kang hugged him before asking a question. “What the hell happened to you.”

“Well, it’s complicated.” Konrad was attempting to stall for time as he raced through the possible answers he could give. “I was at the school kill a horde of Wiedergänger… no that’s not an English word.” He could just tell the truth, he could say that it was the ninja who tried to drown him, doing so could help sow distrust among students and the ninja. The problem with that plan was the small fact that everyone loved the ninja. And the ninja could say what happened on that campaign trip.

“Zombie I think the word is zombie.” Alternatively he could just lie, but lying is a very easy trap to fall into. He truly be caught if he doesn’t keep his story straight. “As we were cleaning up the last zombies something happened.” He scratched his chin to make it look like he was thinking about a small detail that he couldn’t put his tongue on. “Has the doctor mentioned anything about brain damage, because I don’t remember what happened that night.” Amnesia the old reliable lie that he would always resort to in moments like this. “I’ll go and ask the doctor.” Said Ms. Kang who quickly left the room.

“Konrad, there is something I need to ask you about.” Debbie was quiet when she spoke.

“I’m all ears and sense I’m bedridden I can’t even run away.” Konrad forced a laugh to make himself seem unthreatening. “Well it’s about what you said about a group of people a few nights ago.”

“You heard that… I mean, well.”

“It’s just it got me thinking about why you hate Howard.” After she spoke, Konrad placed his hands on hers. “Debbie, I don’t hate Howard because he’s Jewish.” He spoke with a calm warm voice. “I hate him because he’s a fat, lazy, good for nothing pain in my ass!” His heart began to race, putting an unnecessary amount of strain on the already damaged organ.

“But that is why you hate his father.” Víðarr whispered into his ear as the doctors ran in to apply a sedative.

After the he regained consciousness again, Debbie was still sitting by his side. “Where is…” she interrupted him as he spoke. “She’s get some food, but who were you talking about that.”

He smiled at her. “The government, I was talking about the government.”

“Ok, that’s…” she paused for a moment, “a good enough explanation.”

Chapter Text

Randy coughed up lung fulls of smoke as he stood victorious above the robot. When he stopped coughing he started to look around to survey the damage. In total a riding of the school had been put to the torch. The library had been particularly hard hit, but Randy never really cared for that building anyways. “Wow ninja today is not your day.” Said Principal Slimovitz when he stepped out of the panic room the school board had installed. “Well P Slims, I think your car is ok.”

“I hope you’re right because my insurance company said that if it gets totalled one more time within the next week, that I’ll have to sell my kidneys to cover it.”

“Dude that can’t…” Randy was cut off by the sound of an exploding car. “No!” Screamed Slimovitz as he watched his vehicle go up and smoke. “Not my car and my kidneys, but mostly my car.” Slimovitz fell to his knees and screamed at the sky. A trail of pink smoke flowed from the sewer great. “No, you are not getting monsterfide today.” Randy pulled his principal away from the smoke. “P Slims, mind if I talk to your insurance company for you? I’m pretty sure I can find a way to persuade them to cover your car again.”

“Really ninja you would do that for me?” Slimovitz’s eyes lit up at Randy’s words. “Don’t worry I got you.”

-One Insurance Appointment Later
“Ninja you’re awful at negotiating.”

“Look how was I supposed to know that they had a zero tolerance policy for ninjas!”

“Well I don’t know, I’m just looking for someone to blame for the meeting going poorly.”

Randy rolled his eyes. “Ok to make it up to you I’ll fix the car free of charge.”

“Ok, then come over tomorrow, and bring a toolbox.” Irving said as he got on the bus.

-The Next Day
By noon Randy had arrived at the principal‘s house with a toolbox that he wouldn’t need. “Oh ninja, I’m glad to see you actually brought the toolbox.” Slimovitz then invited Randy inside. “Why is there a goat?” Asked Randy.

“Oh that’s Betsy, don’t worry she won’t bite.” The goat stared at both of them with its horizontal pupils, the unnerving glare burned deep into the soul of Randy. “What about the diaper?”

“Oh that’s because you can’t train a goat to use the litter box, I know from experience.” Slimovitz gave a painfully focused laugh before showing Randy the garage. “So ninja, think you’ll be able to get her up and running by supper tonight?”

“Yeah I got it.” He certainly wasn’t a mechanic, but he had the nomicon and other sources of mystical information. In his at most seven minutes of research, he discovered a way to bind a spirit to the vehicle. He hoped that the spirit would be able to repair the damage to the car like how a body can repair itself. “Now let’s see what in this book of otherworldly beings can help me with this car.”

“Belphegor, no too lazy. Perturabo, no way too bitter. Hashut, no you’re a bit tyrannical. Vashtorr, hmm I think you’ll do well.” He then began reciting ancient verses of power to draw the demon out from hell. Soon the sky above the town turned black as sinister clouds covered the sun. “Why have thou brought me here today mortal.” The voice of the demon was almost mechanical.

“I need you to fix this car.”

Vashtorr stared at the ninja in disbelief. “Are thou toying with me?”

“No I just need this thing fixed, the details don’t matter.” Vashtorr thought about the request for a moment. “Deal accepted.” He quickly began working on the car, and within a few minutes, the car has been completely repaired and Vashtorr had disappeared. Randy found his disappearance a little concerning, he was sure he would’ve had to perform some sort of banishing ritual. “Good news P Slims it is done.”

“Really, that was quick.” Slimovitz looked over his car and smiled, it’s like she just came out of the factory! Thank you ninja.”

“Well time for me to go, smoke bomb!” as Randy disappeared into the orange smoke principal Slimovitz turned on the car. “Let’s see how you’re feeling now.” The car handled fabulously, in fact it was better than before. The old and worn down manual gear shift system which had once had a bad habit of jamming now move smoothly and now it could seamlessly shifted gears. Its petals, which had their calibration drift over the years was now recalibrated to its proper factory settings. “Wow you are handling better than ever!” After a nice long drive Slimovitz returned home and went to bed.

-Midnight
A homeless man was walking down the street with an old bag with a few coins and some bubble gum hanging off his shoulder. “What’s a man gotta do to get some…” he paused when he heard the sound of a car driving the road. The car slowly approach the man as if it was trying to size him up, almost like a predator stalking its prey. The homeless man stepped off the street so the car could pass by him, yet it didn’t move.

“You want directions?” The homeless man hopped that the driver would roll down their windows to speak with him. But once again, there was nothing. The homeless man began to wonder if he was standing before one of those new self driving cars.

The car’s headlights flashed red. “What the heck?” Said the man before the car changed at him. “Ahh!” He screamed and tried to run away from the vehicle, but he was struck down and killed by his pursuer. The car kept on driving like nothing had just happened.

-Monday
“Did you hear about the hit and run last night?” Howard asked Randy. “Yeah, it’s nuts that whoever did it just kept driving like nothing happened.”

Their conversation was interrupted by a robot attack. “Well I guess it’s ninja time.” Randy hopped into a locker and slipped on the mask before smoke bombing towards the robot. The machine looked like a Terror Bird and it stood at about eight feet. Randy quivered when he laid his eyes on it. “Too close to a chicken for my personal comfort, but I’ve handled worse.”

He charged at the machine which responded by releasing a screech that shattered the windows of the nearby cars. The noise disoriented Randy enough for the it to strike the ninja with a kick that sent him flying backwards into the ground.

Randy quickly got back up and pulled out his bow. “Electric arrows!” he shouted as he began rapidly launching the electric tipped arrows at the machine. One of the arrows landed a critical head on the robot’s voice box, instantly disabling its screech attack. The ninja pulled out a bolas and tossed it at the machine’s lags. The bolas wrapped around the legs causing it to fall down right by the cars. Randy hopped up into the air and brought his sword down upon the robot’s neck, decapitating it.

“That was easy.” He looked around to see the damage that had accumulated over the fight. The robot had fallen right onto Principal Slimovitz’s parking spot. However, it looked like the car was completely untouched. In fact, it appears to have not been fully parked in the spot. If it had been moved just an inch forward it would’ve been damaged by the falling robot and sword. “Weird.” Randy disappeared into a puff of orange smoke.

-Midnight
A man was smoking a cigarette on his break when a car stopped beside him. “I’m on my break, come talk to me in five.” The man said as he inhaled a puff of smoke. The car didn’t move, but it did honk its horn. “What the heck man!” The man shouted at the vehicle and kicked its tire. “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

“Challenge accepted.” A demonic voice said before the car door slammed into the man. A seatbelt flew out of the car and wrapped itself around the man’s leg before dragging him in. “What the hell man!” He felt the himself be buckled in as the car sped away. “Get this off of me!” He screamed.

“Fine, don’t wear your seatbelt.”
The belt came undone before the car slammed on the brakes, causing the man to fly through the windshield and collide into a brick wall killing him instantly. “Hahaha, see you later.” Said the car as it drove off.

-The Morning
“I can’t believe it happened again!” Howard yelled as he shoved the article in front of Randy’s face. “Two nights in a row! You know what that means if it happens again tonight Cunningham.”

“Yeah I know Howard.” Randy rolled his eyes. “Once is happenstance, twice is a coincidence and three times means enemy action.” Randy slid over to the right to get some personal space. “And why do you think I have anything to do with this?”

“Isn’t it all a little bit suspicious that this just so happened to start after you did some mechanical work for Principal Slimovitz, and mysteriously completely repair his car without any actual mechanical knowledge?” Howard once again got all up in Randy’s personal space.

“Relax Howard this isn’t going to happen again.”

-The Next Day
“I can’t believe it happened again.” Randy looked down at the newspaper that had been placed in front of his home by the delivery boy. “A three fucking time!”

“Language, lad.” His father said as he came to look at the newspaper. “Bugger me, it did happen again.” As his father began to read the paper Randy noticed a flash coming from his backpack. “I opened you at school, ok?” He said to the Nomicon.

“Why you talking to your books?”

“I get it from mom.” Randy said and his father thought about the comment for a moment. “Yah you do.” His father wandered back into the kitchen and sat down. Randy joined him and ate breakfast with nothing really occurring aside from his dad rambling on about old British folk stories of mysterious car accident accidents.

When you finally got to school, he immediately opened up the Nomicon. The vision open with a ninja carefully planning out a way to disarm a bomb, the ninja did all the steps except one. “Should he have cut that wire.” Said Randy right before the bomb detonated and the text appeared.

“A plain which is not completed has already failed.”

Right as he realized what he had done, he was sent back to the world of the waking. “I didn’t preform a banishing ritual!”

-Midnight at Slimovitz’s
“Randall why did you bring me here on a school night.” Julian asked as he and Randy crept up towards the front door. “I need you to banish a demon. And I thought you quit calling me Randall?” Julian gently giggled. “Sorry I get more formal when I’m sleepy. And what about this demon?”

“I summoned it so it could repair his car.” Randy looked down in disappointment. “It did fix the car but I didn’t realize I had to banish it. And now it’s killing people.”

“Randall, why didn’t you just ask for my help?” Randy looked up and stared into Julian‘s blue eyes. “You’re a mechanic?”

“Good heavens no, but I can do an exorcism. You could have just brought me with you that day.” Randy smiled and he hugged Julian. “I love you babe, now let’s send that netherborn back to where it belongs!” Randy then kicked down the door to the garage, unintentionally waking principal Slimovitz. He proceeded to go down the stairs and came across a calamity in the garage.

Vashtorr was hovering above his car and trying to draw forward the powers of chaos to fuel his abilities. “Hey ninja you know who this guy is?” The principal asked.

“I am Vashtorr the Arkifane, future chaos God of innovation and industrialization!” The demon said. “Ok Mr. Arkifane please get out of my house.” Principal Slimovitz asked politely.

“No.” Said the demon before he entered the car again and attempted to drive off into the night. “Ninja flame balls!” Randy screamed as he tossed several small balls at the tires of the car. The balls burst into flames and melted the tires. The demon began attempting to repair the car’s tires when Randy thought of another way to slow it down. “Julian, you get the ritual ready. I’ll keep it here. OK let’s go!” Randy pulled out a fist full of ninja balls. “Web balls!” The balls burst into spiderwebs trapping Vashtorr.

The demon thrashed around as it tried to drive off. “Julian are you almost done?”

“It’s kind of hard to concentrate when there is a screaming demon in the room ninja!” Julian continue to look frantically for the book he held. “Eat pocket salt hell born!” Slimovitz pulled out a small amount of and threw it at the demon. “Salt, thou thought salt would stop me!” The room was engulfed by a bright red glow of rage. “Salt! thou actually believed that salt would be able to stop a demigod! I am going to rip thy skin off of thy bodies and turn them into leather furnishing!” The demon stretched its arm out. It’s razor sharp claws, threatening to rip principle and the ninja to shreds.

“Vanitati latinae canentis!” Scream Julian, which caused the demon to be dragged back to hell. “Wow that was anti-climatic.” Said Randy. “Well I’m going home.”

“Not yet ninja.” Slimovitz grabbed Randy by the his scarf. “How did a demon end up in my car?” Randy took a deep breath in before he sighed. “It was my fault, I don’t know how to repair a car so I kind of just summoned a demon.”

“Wow that is incredible stupid.” Slimovitz looked at his car as he spoke. “But I guess it’s in a good enough shape for me.”

“Mr. Slimovitz, what about the tires?” Julian asked. “I buy them in bulk, so I can deal with it in the morning. Now shouldn’t Julian be in bed?”

“Don’t worry I’ll take him home.” Randy smiled as he escorted Julian out of the house and down the street.

-The Next Day at School
“So did you tell Slimovitz about his car being a murder weapon?” Asked Howard.

Randy thought for a moment. “Not knowing isn’t going to hurt him.”

Chapter Text

School had just started and Howard was already bothering Randy. “Cunningham did you hear about the underground tunnels?”

“No I didn’t, I had to fight off a bunch of robots.” Randy‘s body was still sore from the iron fist of the machines that repeatedly struck him. “Ok but this is big news Cunningham!” Howard grabbed Randy by his collar and began shaking him. “This cave system is making enough for entire cities. Do you know what this means!”

“Then you’ll stop shaking me?”

“No, it means that the Interterrestrials are be real.” Howard let go of Randy’s collar. “You mean those things that you made up in your story about me being kidnapped?”

“Yes, but apparently they are real.”

Randy took a deep breath before he placed his hand on Howard’s shoulder. “I’m sorry but I can’t do this today man.”

“Is it because of the robots?”

“No, Howard it’s…” Randy struggled to find the words. “I’ve had a hard week and my parents were watching South Park all night at max volume.” Randy shivered. “I don’t wanna go down to South Park, I just want to rest.”

“Cunningham, it's only Wednesday.” It looked like Randy’s soul left his body when he heard Howard’s words. “I just wanted to go home and watch Adventure Time.” He said before walking away from Howard.

“Damn, I wish I could help him.”

“Don’t worry Howard, we can.” Julian popped out of his locker causing Howard to fall to the ground. “Those tunnels hide more than just troglobiont life, they hold mystical objects. Perhaps one of them could revitalize Randy.”

“Julian please never jump out of a locker ever again.” Howard got up and dusted himself off.

“No promises Howard.” Julian said with that little giggle of his. “Now we need to find a way to get Randy down there with us.”

“Don’t worry Julian, I got this.”

-Later
“Isn’t this just a wonderful day for a walk?” Julian was joyfully skipping down the trail as Randy moved at a snail‘s pace. “I just want to go home and cuddle.” Randy wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. “How about we just sit down for a moment and enjoy the sounds of nature.” Asked Julian. “That sounds like a good idea, Julian.” Randy began to lightly snore.

When Randy had fallen asleep Julian signalled to Howard that it was time to act. Howard brought out two pairs of handcuffs. “I’ll handcuff your left hand to his right hand, then I’ll handcuff his left leg to my right leg.”

“Howard, I’m starting to think that this is a bad idea, maybe we shouldn’t…”

“And it is done!” Julian was shocked by the speed at which Howard was able to work. “What’s done?” Randy began to wake up from his very short nap. “And why did that fat kid make a guy eat his parents?”

“Ok, Howard I’m now convinced that this was a bad idea.” Julian struggled to keep Randy upright. “He’s in no condition to do this.”

“Then why did you help me do this.” Howard said smuggle and Julian just sighed. “Why did you even want to bring him?”

“He’s the ninja.”

“Yeah I suppose that’s a good answer.”

-In The Underground Tunnels
Randy was fast asleep as his best friend and boyfriend made their way through the underground tunnels. They had been down there for nearly an hour, and still there was no sign of the mollusc people. “Howard I think we should go back.”

“Go back!” Yelled Howard. “We’ve barely spent any time down here!”

“True, but I’m getting tired of carrying Randy.” Julian could feel his shoulder beginning to cramp up. “Five more minutes! Then we leave!”

“Who goes there?” The trio turned around to see a man with a spear pointed at them. “Stand back! I’m warning you!” Julian politely smiled at the man in an awkward attempt to de-escalate the situation. “Don’t worry we’ll be on our way.” They turned around and were greeted by a man with another spear.

-The Kingdom
“Where are we and what time is it?” Randy asked as he woke up from his nap. “You’re in the underground kingdom, ninja.” A strange man said to Randy. The mentioning of the ninja made Randy jump a little. “What ninja there isn’t a ninja here.”

“You’re a terrible liar Cunningham.” Howard said. “A very terrible liar.” The strange man waked Howard’s head. “Quite you, the ninja has been summoned by our goddess.”

“Goddess?” Julian said. “Wow Randy, it seems like you’re moving up the ranks of society.” The strange man rolled his eyes. “And you two will be coming with him.” They were brought in front of a door with a golden sun painted on it. It then opened like it was inviting them in. The three boys entered the room. They were nearly blinded from the light resonating from the woman. “Hello there, I take it you are the ninja” she said in a motherly tone, “and that they are your companions.” She pointed to Howard and Julian. When their eyes finally adjusted delight, they realized how beautiful the woman. Her hair was the colour of the sun, her eyes were amber coloured and her skin was very lightly tanned, like that found in the northern Mediterranean. “Hello ninja, I’m *H₂éwsōs /χéw.soːs/, but most call be Eos, Aurora or Dawn.”

“Are you Amaterasu?” Asked Randy. “I guess that’s who I am to the people who live under ground.” She smiled as she spoke. “Randy I am confused and I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of the magical woman.” Howard whispered into Randy’s ear. “Amaterasu is the sun goddess in Japanese mythology.”

“I thought your mom was an anglican?”

“Look just because she doesn’t believe in Shinto mythology, that doesn’t mean they aren’t culturally significant to her.”

H₂éwsōs looked at Julian. “Do these two argue like this often?” Julian nodded his head before he spoke “Almost every week.” H₂éwsōs gently laughed. “Friendship is a wonderful thing.” Her smile began to fade as a look of worry crept upon her face. “Look ninja, I know that your first priority is the school, but I need your help here.” The light shining from her hair began to dim. “This underground city that we are in has been under siege for nearly a hundred years by a forgotten branch of the tree of life.”

“So I’m right!” Howard said with glee. “I told you Cunningham!”

“Well I never really said that they weren’t real.” Randy said before H₂éwsōs snapped her fingers. “This is serious, the creatures you will have to fight are fear some and smart.”

“Don’t worry I can handle it.”

-The Battlefield
The war was fought with swords and spears in tunnels that were at most five metres in width and barely three metres tall. “Forward men, charge at the front lines!” The human commander yelled as his men began their assault. The assault was just a distraction to allow Randy to sneak behind the enemy lines undetected. His job was simple seal off the main corridor that the Interterrestrials have been using to invade the human tunnels.

Randy got a close look at the Interterrestrials as he moved through their tunnels. Their skin was slimy and grey in colour. Every time one of them move there was this sick slushy sound which made Randy cringe every time he heard it. Randy carefully placed down the small explosive device that he was given.

Right before he could make a run for it, he felt one of the tentacles poke him. He turned around to see the ugliest face he had ever seen in his life. If it was even a face, he couldn’t really tell. “Ninja handgun!” he screamed like a frightened child as he pulled out his black powder pistol and fired it point blank at the creature. After the gunshot ringed out throughout the underground caverns dozens of the creatures were on him. “Nasty, get your slimy bodies away from me.”

He sprinted towards the nearest exit before the explosive sealing the monsters away forever. He continued to run until he made it back to the underground kingdom and was able to speak with *H₂éwsōs again. He was greeted by heroes welcome, and given a small gold ring as a reward. “Thank you for all of your help in ending the wars between us and the Interterrestrials.”

“Thank you now can you please show me and my friends the way to the exit because we are kind of lost.”

“No, we weren’t lost.” Howard shouted defensively. The three of them were then shown to the exit and they all went home.

Chapter Text

“Ah, the Norrisville museum of history. What a wonderful building that full of…” Randy couldn’t think of any way to describe it that would be positive. “Boredom, Cunningham the word you’re looking for is boredom.”

“Oh come on Howard it’s not that boring. They have a new pirate exhibit that sounds cool.” Randy pointed Howard in direction of the new exhibit. “Pirates are neat I guess. But are they like the old kind or the modern kind?”

“It wouldn’t be in a museum if it was the modern kind, Howard.” Randy dragged his friend into the building to show him around.

“You’re doing this because of Julian, aren’t you?”

“Yes, he likes pirates and I’m his boyfriend.” Randy paid for both of their tickets and one for Howard. “And he wants to get to know you better.”

“This is revenge for what I did last week isn’t it?”

Randy leaned in nice and close to Howard‘s face and laughed. “Yes it is.”

“Ok you are scaring me.” Randy immediately backed off. “Ok, I’ll dial it down just a bit. But you’re still coming with us.” Randy pulled out three tickets. “Today will be a good day!”

After a while of waiting, Julian showed up in the three of them entered the museum. The exhibit was massive and full of unique artifacts. Treasure from long abandoned ships, insignias, banners and finally an entire ship in the middle of it. “That was the ship of Captain Bowes, who spent his entire life terrorizing the Caribbean.” Julian looked up at the portrait of the man in awe. “And look it’s his body.” Julian‘s face touched the glass container containing the skeleton of the captain.

“Julian, what fuck man.” Randy lightly smacked Howard on the back of his neck. “Language, Howard.”

“Oh, come on I can’t be the only one weirded out by how he’s ogling that dead guy.” Randy hated to admit it but Julian was being a little creepy around the skeleton. “What if it’s trying to possess him?”

“He’s probably fine. But I’ll talk to him.” As Randy spoke to Julian and Howard snuck away and ended up bumping into Debbie. “Oh Howard, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” She said, as she scribbled something down in her notebook. “Yeah Randy and Julian dragged me here. Now how’s your stepdad doing, I heard he got drenched up from the river.”

“Please don’t call Konrad that, he’s not even married to my mom.” The thought of her mother marrying Konrad made her uncomfortable. “Ok, calling him your stepdad was uncalled for. I’m sorry about that.” Debbie couldn’t believe what she had just heard. “Did you just apologize?”

“I guess I did.” Howard took a moment to reflect upon what just happened. “Now want to head to the cafeteria?” She rolled her eyes at him. “Sure I guess it would hurt.” She stood up. “But this isn’t a date got it.”

“Never said it was DK.”

“And please don’t call me that.” As Debbie and Howard wandered off to the cafeteria. Randy had finally managed to pull Julian away from the skeleton. “Sorry Randy I don’t know what came over me.” Julian looked down at his feet in embarrassment. “It’s ok, we just lose ourselves and passion from time to time.” He wrapped his arms around Julian. “Now who is this Captain Tractor guy.” Randy pointed it a wax sculpture of a man with the text ‘Captain Tractor’ written above it.

“Oh that’s Tractor Jack, he was a farmer in Saskatchewan who had his farm foreclosed on by the bank of Canada.” Randy took a moment to study the wax statue and the tractor behind it that was labeled ‘The Arrogant Worms’. The tractor had been converged into a makeshift tank, it resembled a prototype Bob Semple tank. “So after losing everything he went through a severe midlife crisis and ended up robbing other farmers with that vehicle.”

“So is that vehicle the real deal or just a replica?”

“I don’t know… oh look it’s Captain Yarrface!” Julian pointed at a wax sculpture of an overweight man wearing a balaclava. “This pirate pulled off the largest rum heist in history.” As Julian continued to talk about various pirates Randy couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread slowly building within him. “Would you like to know about what made Captain Bowes so special?”

“Sure, that’s why I came here.” Randy said to Julian, who then began explaining the history of the captain. “Well Christopher Bowes was a Scottish pirate who sailed across the Caribbean in the golden Age of piracy, he terrorized both law abiding citizens and other pirates. His reign of terror only came to an end when he was killed by Captain Yarrface in the Sargasso Sea.” Randy did look closely at the skeleton of the man. He noticed strange bumps below the man’s eyes sockets and across his forehead. He took a photo of the man’s skull and sent it to his mom and asked her what the bumps were likely caused by. “One of his victims, a catholic priest gave him the nickname he would take to the grave.” A morbid smile grew across Julian‘s face as he spoke. “Raptor-Tortor, the plunderer who tortures.”

“OK babe, you’re starting to creep me out.”

“Oh sorry, Randy I get a little passionate about this subject, haha.” Julian‘s signature creepy laugh sent a chill up Randy spine. “It ok to be passionate about something just so long as it doesn’t cause you to well go insane.” Randy looked back at the skeleton I noticed something off about Julian‘s reflection. “Is that Evil Julian?”

“Oh crape.” Julian said before his evil doppelgänger fled the scene. As the doppelgänger was escaping, Randy slipped in the mask and brought his sword down upon the container, shattering it. A fragment of class struck Julian on the cheek, causing a drop with a blood to fly into the air and land on the skeleton. “I think that was just a bit of an overreaction.”

“Why all I did was break the glass container?” Randy said before looking at the skeleton again and realizing that it had began to glow green. “Shoot, yeah, I could’ve handled that better.” As the green light intensified a single voice of chaos spoke. “Heed my words o denizens of protoplasmic slime, rise from your graves my army of the damned!”

The skeleton of Captain Bowes began floating in the air as a voice with a thick Scottish accent spoke. “I’m back!” The voice yelled as the other skeletons of the dead crewmates of Captain Bowes began to float up as well. The green glow quickly spread across the room as the old ship began to levitate and repair itself. “Rise up my brotherhood of pirates and my sisters of the sea!”

As his voice echoed across the room his ghostly crew move towards him and landed on a ship. They raised their black banners to the sky and prepare themselves for his command. Just like their captain, the glow left their body, leaving the only source of that strange green light the flying book. “Now head on north by crew. We have much to plunder!” The pirate ship began to fly and quickly crashed into the north wall of the room, which just so happened to be the cafeteria. “Quickly, my crew, plunder all of their wallets, and the cash registers.”

“But sir,” one of the lower ranking members said, “what if they only use a credit or debit card?”

“We steal it, the we max it out in a jewellery store before selling that jewellery to a pawn store or a cash for gold store!” Captain Bowes said with an evil chuckle. He quickly slid down the rope and pulled out his pistol and sword. “Alright now, all the money goes in the bags.” As the crew went around robbing the customers, Debbie and Howard were able to sneak under a table and hide. “What the juice did Randy do now.” Howard said.

“Why?” Debbie asked as she attempted to record some footage of what was happening. “I just get the feeling that he’s responsible for this.”

As the pirates were finishing their loading, a puff of orange smoke appeared. “Stand down pirates!” The ninja commanded. “You really think you can fight me and my ghostly crew?” The captain chuckled at Randy.

“Ninja black powder pistol!” Randy quickly drew the pistol and fired a shot, nailing one of the crewmates in the head. “Man the cannons and fire at the ninja!” The Pirates quickly opened fire with their cannons, nearly killing Randy. The wave of cannon fire forced Randy to retreat further back. “You’re quite good at fighting the ninja.” A mysterious voice said to Captain Bowes. The captain turned around to see Evil Julian standing in a mirror. “Who are you?”

“You can call me master.”

Captain Bowes thought about what the man in the mirror said for a moment. “No I won’t.”

“What! I’m the one who freed you!” Captain Bowes just laughed at what Evil Julian was saying. “I don’t care what you did, I’m the master of my own destiny.” He smiled before he smashed the mirror. “Alright men, to the next location!” His crewmates cheered as they all hopped on board the flying boat.

As they floated away Randy came out from his hiding spot. “I have to stop them, but how.” He ran around the two rooms looking for something to use when he finally noticed the airship display. “Julian I know this will be a stretch, but do you know how to operate this thing?” Julian looked at the machine. Randy was pointing out and began fan girling out. “That’s the Abney Park! And it’s in working order!” He nearly passed out from excitement. “Give me a moment ninja and I’ll have this in working order fast, but we’ll need at least two of their crew mates.”

“Two other crew mates?” A metaphorical lightbulb went off inside Randy’s mind. “I got an idea!”

-Ten minutes later
“Are you sure this is a good idea ninja?” Howard said as he hopped on the airship. “Don’t worry about this Howard. I’m sure we’re all in good hands.” Debbie said as she placed her GoPro on her body and turned it on. “Plus the footage will be so honkin' bruce.” Howard smiled at what she said. “Yeah, my sister would have a field day with any video you get of this.”

“Everyone ready!” Randy shouted across the deck. “Aye aye captain!” Julian said as he stood at the helm. “What ever he said ninja.” Howard yelled from his positions at the cannon. “What about you Debbie?” She gave the ninja a thumbs up. “Good, now let’s kick some pirate butt.” The ship quickly took to the air and began the pursuit of the pirate ghost ship.

The ghost ship began approaching McFist’s headquarters. “Prepare to board that triangle men.” Commanded Captain Bowes. “Aye aye captain!” His crew yelled in perfect unison. “Let’s start this party with a little cannon barrage.” The crew began firing cannonball after cannonball into the side of the building

-Inside McFist’s headquarters
The building began to shake as Hannibal tried to drink his coffee. “Viceroy I told you not to make an earthquake machine!” Hannibal yelled over the intercom. His phone began to ring, and when he answered it, he was greeted by the voice of Viceroy. “Would you believe me if I said that I have nothing to do with this?” Hannibal took a moment to think about what to say. “No, I probably wouldn’t.”

“Well I don’t have an earthquake machine and no I can’t stop this.” Viceroy then hung up the phone. “Well that was rude.” The shaking stopped as suddenly as it began. “Maybe yelling at Viceroy did work.” He then took a sip of his coffee before his intercom came to life. “Sir there is a group of skeleton pirates who would like to speak with you.”

“Do they have an appointment?”

“No they don’t. Shall I send them back to the front door?” She asked her boss. “Yes, but be polite about it.” He then hung up the phone.

”I’m sorry but Mr. McFist isn’t seeing anyone right now.” The robot secretary, said to the pirates. “Well I have a way to solve this problem.” Captain Bowes quickly, pulled out his handgun and shot the robot secretary in her head. “Alright men, you go get the boat ready and I’ll go speak to this Mr. McFist.”

McFist sat back in his chair as he watched Heidi‘s podcast. “This insane, two of the museums new pirate exhibits have been hijacked by air Pirates! Fortunately, we have our ground reporter Debbie Kang on one of the ships.” The video transition to the GoPro Debbie was wearing. “As you can hopefully see I am currently on the Abney Park which is in hot pursuit of the ghost pirate ship that just stopped shooting at McFist’s headquarters.”

“Wait, it just stopped to what…” Hannibal was cut off by an explosion that took down the door to his office. “Put all your money in the bag.” The ghost screamed. “So Mr. Ghost pirate…”

“It’s Captain Bowes to you filthy land lover.” He pointed his pistol right in between Hannibal‘s eyes. “Well Captain Bowes, I take it that you don’t like the ninja very much.”

“My personal relations mean nothing now put your money in the bag!”

“All I have is three credit cards.” He passed the pirate his cards. “That’s good enough for me.”

“We’re about to board the pirate ship, I’ll call you when I’m done.” Captain Bowes turned to see the broadcast on McFist’s computer. “Those meddling kids are trying to steal my booty. I’ll show them why they should never pirate a pirate.” He quickly sprinted out of the room and began running back to his ship leaving Hannibal alone in his room. “I should probably cancel those cards.”

-On the Ships
“Alright, Howard fire!” Randy commanded and Howard obliged. “Hey Debbie catch.” Randy tossed two black powdered pistols towards her, and she caught them in mid air. “I need you to stay safe, Julian are we close enough where I can board safely?”

“Yes, we are ninja. You’re free to hop on board.”

“Good, Howard just keep providing me supporting fire. I’ll be back soon.” Randy jumped off the ship and landed on the ghost boat. “Ninja dual wield black powder pistols!” He yelled as he pulled out his two pistols fired them and pulled out two more. Each of the volleys took out at least one of the crew mates. As Randy was slaughtering the crew Captain Bowes was quickly climbing up a rope that led to the boat.

When he made it back to the top he saw Randy take out several of his crew. “Arr ninja, why don’t ya come and fight a real pirate.” He said as he drew his sword. “Oh you are on.” Randy drew his sword in response. The two companions then charge at each other, sparks flew as their blades collided midair. Randy soon gained the upper hand and was able to stab the captain through his chest. “Well done ninja, there’s just one problem.” Randy looked down at his blade not noticing anything wrong with it. “I don’t have any organs to stab!”

“Oh, I probably should have expected that.” Captain Bowes kicked Randy to the ground before walking off of his blade. “Ninja blinding balls.” Randy toss a handful of the small balls into the pirate’s eyes, he just shook his head and kept walking forward.

Randy stood back up and tossed another ninja ball at his face. “Electrocution ball!” The ball seemed to slow the skeleton down at least a little bit by causing him to shake violently. “Think, there must be a way to stop this.” Randy began thinking through all his adventures as a ninja, he thought all the way back to his first year when he remembered what to do. “I need to give you the Jerry Driscoll treatment.” Randy began forcing all of his ninja powers into his hands preparing to cast the ninja curse of deanimation upon the skeleton. “Now.” He said under his breath as the curse blasted forward and struck the skeleton, returning it back to nothing but bones. Soon the other skeletons who were still standing, began to deanimate. The magic that reanimated them began to leave everything, including the boat he was standing on.

Randy soon felt like he was falling, and he quickly jumped up and tried to get back on the airship. He used his scarf like a grappling hook, wrapping it around one of the cannons allowing him to rope climb up. The former ghost ship soon struck the ground and burst into thousands of tiny pieces. “I hope you don’t have to pay for that.” Howard said as he helped Randy back on the boat.

“I should be fine, it’s not like they can track me down.” Randy and his crew laughed. “Ok, Julian take us back to the museum.” Julian obliged and flew the ship back home safely.

Chapter Text

“Armed and ready stand.”
“My rights I must defend.”
“Steel is in my hand.”
Randy shouted into his microphone as he played his new guitar that he had purchased.

“The clan's are marching 'gainst the law!”
“Bagpipers play the tunes of war.”
Julian eagerly stood aside, waiting for his bagpipe solo. Even though they had only been practising for a few days they had been fairly successful, and there are attempts to do a cover of Rebellion by Grave Digger. Unfortunately, their short live success with come crashing down when Randy hurt his throat during an early session.

“Death or glory…” He began coughing uncontrollably as his throat felt like it was burning. “Ok that’s enough for now Cunningham.” Howard, who is playing the drums said to his best friend. “Yeah this isn’t going to work with your current condition.” Theresa passed Randy a bottle of water as she placed down her bass.

Randy took a drink of the water before sitting down in an old chair. “I know but no one else in this group can sing.” Howard sat down next to him. “Look Cunningham I know it can be hard to share the spotlight but…”

“Howard, that’s not it. None of you can actually sing.” Theresa and Julian both hesitantly agreed with Randy’s observation. “Oh come on I can sing!”

“No, you can’t.” Theresa pulled out her phone and showed Howard the video of him attempting to sing. “Oh come on that’s not that bad.” Theresa then showed Howard a news titled ‘Local student so bad at singing that other students believed a murder was happening on the school grounds’. “Oh that could be any student.” She scrolled down to show Howard the photo of himself in the article. “Ok so I’m not the best, but who else is going to sing for us?”

“We could try asking the new student.” Julian said. “He has a wonderful voice.” Randy raised an eyebrow. “Oh you mean the redhead freshmen.”

“I’m blonde!” The Voice, startled all of them, and they turned around to see Whyle was sitting on his bike, looking at them. “How long have you been there for?” Julian asked. “Two minutes, I heard everything you said. And I’m willing to join.”

Howard approached the freshman. “And what do you want in return?”

“Nothing, actually there is one thing. Can we just be friends?” Randy accepted Whyle’s request. “So what will we be performing?” Asked

-The Park
“Look at this Viceroy!” Amanda looked at the workers assembling the deck that the musicians were to perform on. “I don’t see anything significant about it.”

“Can you imagine what a little bit of that Chaos-Stink would do to any of the performers.” Amanda clutched her pearl necklace with excitement at the possibilities that could come from her plan. “You want me to use some of our extremely limited amount of that substance on ruining a concert?”

“Yes I do, remember what I was able to do back on Halloween night with just one possessed student and a werewolf.” Viceroy shivered at the memory of what had happened. Her unnatural singing had haunted his dreams since that night. “Fine, I’ll get everything ready.” He said before leaving. On his way out, he literally bumped into the special guest judge. The famous country singer Half Moon. “Sorry about that.” Viceroy dust himself off. “It’s fine. Say do you know where the Augustus Hotel is?”

“The Augustus Hotel, fancy.” Viceroy spoke with a little bit of sass. “It’s right by the intersection of 5th and 9th Street.” Half Moon tipped his hat. “Thank.” He extended his hand, offering Viceroy a handshake which the scientist politely declined.

-Later
When Half Moon had returned from his hotel room the participants were already arriving and preparing acts. “Hey Mr. Half Moon!” The musician turned to see a teenage boy wearing a hoodie run up to him. “My dad is a massive fan of you.”

“And I’m guessing he would like an autograph?”

“Bingo!” Randy passed him a copy of ‘Half Moon, Live in Concert’. The musician quickly pulled out a pen and scribbled his name down. “Thank you so much for this.” Randy did a bow to the musician before he continued on his way to the stage room.

The ConstructionBots that were donated to the competition by McFist Industries I just finished planting the Chaos-Stink when Half Moon walk up to them. “Hello Half Moon.” One of the machines said. “We are almost finished with our work.” Said the other one. He took a closer look at what the bots were doing. “Is that some pyrotechnic device?” The bots began to switch to plan B. They immediately released a the Chaos-Stink. Fortunately, only a small amount was actually used since Viceroy didn’t believe the plan would work very well so only Half Moon was affected.

He stumbled backwards as the chemical began to affect his mind. He saw flashes of mocking crowds and boos from the audience. He tried to get away from them but no matter how fast he ran they were always right behind him.

When he finally found a secluded and quiet spot a pink smoke enveloped him. He could feel his body change as he breathed in the smoke. Soon he began to dig into the soft soil beneath him, when the hole was big enough, he crawled into it and began to dig through it like an earthworm.

As the mutated monster crawled beneath the soil, Randy felt the nomicon buzz to life. “Hey Howard can you keep an eye on this for a minute!”

“Sure thing buddy.”

“Thank you!” Randy ran over to one of the porta potties and stepped inside it before he opened the book.

When he landed he was inside a dark cave with a sleeping dragon and a ninja attempting to sneak up on it. As the ninja crept towards the dragon, he knocked over a single gold coin. The sound of metal against stone woke up the beast. The ninja reacted quickly, but the warrior didn’t pull out a blade instead, he pulled out a harp and began playing it. The soft, gentle music began to numb the beast’s rage. Its eyes became heavy as it drifted back to sleep.

Above the monsters eyes appeared to text.

“A wicked song will soothe a wicked soul.”

Randy was then sent back to the land of the waking.

-Show Time
Even though the show was about to start Half Moon was still missing, eventually the call was made to just start without him.

The first few performances weren’t spectacular, just your typical teenage garage band and a group of hippies who still thought it was the 1960s. “Everyone ready?” Randy asked his friends. “My bass is ready for the show.” Theresa said as Howard got his drums ready. Julian was also ready with his baked pipes, leaving only one who wasn’t prepared. “I’ll go find Whyle.” Randy left the backstage and began searching for his new friend. “Whyle, where are you?” He called out.

Eventually, he saw the young man hanging out by the fence with his head hanging low. “Everything good buddy?” Whyle sighed at Randy’s question. “Stage fright.” Randy immediately understood how Whyle was feeling. “I know how you feel, I went through a similar experience back in 10th grade.” He sat down next to Whyle. “I was trying to do an obstacle course in gym class when everyone started chanting shoob at me. And I let the voices get into my head and ended up acting like a total shoob. But S. Ward Smith taught me that I am able to stop it from getting inside.” Randy tapped the side of his head to emphasize his point. “And if I can do it so can you.”

“Thanks Randy.” Whyle hugged his new friend. “You’re welcome bud, now let’s rock ‘n’ roll!” As the two of them go on stage the ground below them began to shake as something was moving around underground. “My mom said there were no earthquakes in Oklahoma!” Whyle shouted as he tried his best to avoid falling into the floor. “She said that because we don’t have them here.” Randy looked around, expecting to see one of McFist’s robots running around causing problems, but instead he saw a giant necrotic hand and arm push out from the ground.

Soon another one appeared from the ground, the large beast quickly began to surface. The monster looked like it was multiple human corpses that had been sewn or fused together like a rat king. The arms that breached the surface were as thick as human bodies and its finger looked like they had previously been an arm. It had two regular arms in the centre of its chest just dangling there. The monster also possessed a prehensile tail that it used to wrap around the car of Principal Slimovitz. The monster also wore a hat, which was the only thing that signal to the world it was a stanked Half Moon.

The band looked on in horror as the monster rampage through the park. “A wicked song will soothe a wicked soul.” Randy said to himself. “Guys we have to play our song!”

“Or maybe we should let the ninja do his job!” Howard yelled. “Howard, I don’t think we need the ninja for this one. Alright everybody to their stations!” Randy and Theresa quickly performed a sound check on their guitar and bass respectively. As Howard made sure his drums were properly assembled, Julian prepared himself to play his bagpipes. Lastly, Whyle got in front of the microphone and took a deep breath.

“Ok everyone,” Randy took in a deep breath, “five, four, three.” he didn’t say two or one instead he lowered his fingers with the clenched fist meaning go.

The bass and guitar came to life alongside the drums as Whyle began to sing the first verse.

The song caught the attention of Half Moon who sat down in front of the stage so he could listen to the performance as Whyle began to sing the pre-chorus.

For the moment between the pre-chorus and chorus The only two sounds that could be heard were Howard‘s drums and Half Moon’s heavy breathing.

Whyle’s voice cut through the air in the sword of an angel. Howard‘s drums sounded like machine guns as Randy and Theresa played their instruments in unison.

The second verse caused Half Moon to start head banging to the beat of the music. He was then fully dragged into the beat by the second rendition of the pre-course and chorus. Whyle soon fell silent as Randy’s guitar was allowed to take its place in centre stage. For just over 30 seconds, Randy stood in the spotlight before his guitar also had to fall silent, making way for the bagpipes.

The combination of bagpipes, drums and bass produced a wicked beat that fully calmed down Half Moon. He returned to his human form as the pink funk fled from his body, he then sat down in his chair on the judge panel. Soon others who had just fled began to return to their seats.

As the song came to any end the band began to hear the sounds of cheers and applause. “They liked it.” Whyle said under his breath. Randy then gave him a pat on the back. “I told you that there wasn’t anything to be afraid of.”

“Thanks Randy.”

“That was quite the show.” Half Moon said. “If I didn’t know any better I would assume that you were all professionals, especially the bagpipe player and the redhead.”

“I’m blonde, but thank you.” Whyle then passed the mic to Julian. “Thank you so much for the compliments. The bagpipes much like the theremin is an unappreciated art form.”

“I don’t know what a theremin is but I agree with you!” Half Moon smiled as he spoke before he passed the mic to another judge. “Well I think we might have the winner on stage right now. But we still have two more performances scheduled tonight so.” The judge gave them the motion to clear the stage.

-After the Show
“And the winner is!” A drum roll started to play as the judge read out the verdict. “30 Seconds to Math for there cover of Rebellion by Grave Digger!” Randy and his friends cheered at their victory as a trophy was presented to them. Randy accepted the trophy before passing it to Whyle. “We couldn’t have done this without you. So I want you to take it.” The blonde smiled and hugged Randy. “Thanks for letting me sing for you.”

“No problem, bud.” Randy returned the hug he had just received. “Group hug!” Howard bellowed as he wrapped his arms around Randy and Whyle. Theresa looked over to Julian who was contemplating if he should join the hug. “It wouldn’t kill us to join, Yule.” She joined the her ex boyfriend in the hug, Julian smiled and joined in. “Alright lads and lady, Ay want to take a photo of you folks.” Randy’s father pulled out a camera and prepared to take a photo of the group. “Alright say cheese.”

“Cheese.” Said the group as the camera flashed and a photo was taken. “Good, now let’s get all of you home.” The band members quickly, began collecting their instruments in place them in the car.

Randy’s father drove each member to their homes until it was just him and Randy left. Randy opened his bag when they pulled up into the driveway. “Here dad.” Randy return the vinyl record that he had borrowed earlier to his father now with a signature on it. “Thank you, son.” A single tear of joy rolled down the man’s cheek. “Now let’s get you to bed.”

Chapter Text

“So Viceroy, how’s the portal to hell coming along.” McFist said as he entered the room.

“Well undoing the damage you caused when you tried to make it into a giant laser has been a pain.” The scientist continue to work as he spoke. “If we are lucky it should gain access to the an alternate dimension by tomorrow morning.”

“Well I guess we’ll have to pull an all nighter.” Hannibal past Viceroy a can of monster energy. “What do you mean we? You don’t even do anything.” Hannibal placed his metallic arm on Viceroy‘s shoulder. “I’m here for emotional support.” Viceroy just rolled his eyes and went back to work.

-Later
“Well we did it Viceroy.” Hannibal stood gloriously in front of the machine. “I wonder what we’re going to get.”

“Know what we found last time it could be anything from a rabid dog to a god.” Viceroy began to power on the machine. “I think it will be a puppy, but like an evil puppy.”

“I glad to hear that.” At this point, Viceroy just wanted to go home and get into bed. He had been working on this machine for nearly two weeks straight with little to no breaks. Not to mention the how he was the one who had to modify the machine into the laser which started this whole mess. “Ok, activation begins in T minus three,” Hannibal took a step back as the electricity flowed into the circuitry of the machinery, “two, one!”

Viceroy flipped the switch which brought the machinery to life in a spectacular display of colours. “Viceroy I think I’m proo… praw…” Hannibal’s inability to say proud was both frustrating and endearing to Viceroy. “Thank you sir.” He blushed as he spoke. “I think you’ve earned yourself a trip to PJ’s Mc…” Hannibal was cut off by a large mammal like beast, knocking him to the floor. The creature quickly turned his attention to Viceroy and knocked him down as well.

“Call security!” Viceroy yelled as the creature burst through the doorway and began a rampaging through the halls. “Don’t worry Viceroy” Hannibal slowly stood up, “we’ll get some PJ’s after we put that evil demon puppy in a kennel.”

Viceroy let out a long and hoarse sigh. “Can I go to bed first?”

“Yeah I’ll call Marci.” As Hannibal called his wife the demon kept ripping and tearing its way through the facility. Robot after robot were annihilated by the monsters, razor sharp claws. The monster quickly broke out of the facility and ran through the streets of the city.

It was looking for a body to possess. Even though it could still deal damage to this rounding area in its spiritual form it would need a human body to maximize its potential.

And soon it found its host.

“What a wonderful evening.” Doug said as he looked up at the sky. “And no one is going to shit on me. Not Randy, Howard or Theresa. I truly believe nothing bad will happen to…” the demon forced its way into his body quickly taking it over. Doug began to stumble around as the monster got a grasp on the situation before it began making the modifications. Soon Doug‘s body had been transformed into a large hairy beast. The monster looked up at the sky and howled like a wolf.

-The Next Day
Theresa I just got up and was enjoying a bowl of chocolate frosted sugar bombs for breakfast. She heard a knock on the door with her mother quickly answered. “On the ground now!” A man shouted as he kicked down the door, knocking her mother down under the floor. “FBI-UIU open up!”

Theresa nearly gave herself whiplash with how fast she turned her neck to see the squad of men enter her living room with rifles pointed at her. “Theresa Fowler you’re under arrest for destruction of private property.” One of the men pulled out a pair of handcuffs and slapped them onto her. “You have the right to remain silent and anything you say can be used against you in court.” The squad said to her as the other man walked her towards the squad car.

“How the heck are you!” She yelled at the squad leader. “I’m Sergeant Harrison Yates of the Unusual Incident Unit.” The man removed his helmet, revealing his bright red hair. “And we already read you your Miranda rights and told you what you’re being arrested for so shut up.” Theresa’s growled at the man. “She’s transforming!” Yates yelled before he pulled out a can of pepper spray and shot her in the eyes with it.

-Later
“I can’t believe they arrested Theresa.” Randy slumped down in his chair as he spoke. “It could have been any other werewolf last night!” Howard was silent as he best friend kept speaking. “Heck for all we know it could be a stanked student!” Howard sighed. “Look Cunningham, I know you’re upset about this but it does seem likely that it was Theresa who ripped apart all of those RoboApes at McFist’s office.”

“McFist’s office?” Randy quickly came up with an idea. “I could go there look at all the clues and prove her innocence!”

“Or maybe you could come play games with me.” Howard looked up from his lunch and saw that Randy had already left to go take a look at the office. “Well I guess I’m paying today.”

-At McFist’s Office
“Smoke bomb!” Randy yelled as he appeared in a puff of orange smoke right in front of Hannibal. “Not now ninja, me and Viceroy have other business to deal with.”

“I’m your arch enemy!”

Hannibal looked down at the floor. “I know but, well we have bigger problem.” Viceroy rolled his eyes. “A demon escaped through the portal we powered on last night.”

“Viceroy you weren’t supposed to tell him that.” Hannibal whispered into his ear. “I knew that, I just didn’t care.” The scientist had a shit eating grin on his face.

“Look I just need to know what came through that portal. And where it went.”

“I’ll you deal with this.” Viceroy said before he walked out of the room. “Ok ninja, I don’t know what came out of that portal. But if I had to guess, it was a very evil puppy.”

“You’re stalling for time aren’t you?” A drop of sweat slid down the side of Hannibal’s forehead. “Yes.” He quickly turned around and began to run away from the ninja. “Black powder pistol.” Randy said before he shot the keypad of the door that Hannibal was running towards. “Oh, we don’t need to do anything that we might regret.” Randy was tired of Hannibal‘s innocents routine. “An innocent girl was dragged out of her home by the federal government today because of the monster that you released! Now you will either help me catch that thing or I will break every single shoes that your wife owns!”

Hannibal got down on his knees. “No not Marci’s shoes! I’ll do anything ninja! Anything!” He began to sob like a child who had just been placed in time out.

“Good now let’s go kick some demon ass.”

-The Doughnut Shop
Yates and his second and command Clef were treating themselves in the entire squad to a pack of donuts at a Tom Hoots. “To day we did some excellent FBI work, men. If we keep this up the UIU will no longer be seen as just an X Files not off, but instead it will be seen as an integral part of the FBI. Clef why do you look disappointed?”

Clef look up from his half eaten doughnut. “How do you know we caught the monster responsible for last night?”

“What!” Yates’ jaw dropped to the floor. “What would make you think that!” Clef just pointed out. Every one how looked saw a werewolf ripping apart a hot dog stand. “My god, there’s two of them!”

“No!” Clef shouted. “My god it’s a copy cat!” Yates yelled as he drew his gun. “No we got the wrong person!”

“Do not argue with me Clef!” Commanded Yates. “We got the right person!” The werewolf broke into the doughnut shop and flipped over a table. “This one is clearly a copy cat. Theresa never attacked any establishments related to food!”

“Well maybe it got hungry!” The monster attempted to swallow the cashier whole, but ended up spitting her back out. “I told you not to argue with me! I could have you dismissed from the force and your wife and daughter tossed onto the streets!”

“Fuck you.” Clef snarled. “I shot her because she was trying to open a portal to hell!” Clef jumped onto Yates and began punching him. “That’s not an excuse for murder!” Yates began to fight back.

As the brawl continued the possessed Doug ate all of the donuts behind the counter and stole a the cash register before it’s sprinted down the street. Unfortunately, for Doug he ran directly into the car that had both the ninja and McFist in it. The monster was flung into the air by the impact before landing face first onto the hard asphalt. “Did we just run someone over?” Ramby tried to look out at the back window, but he didn’t see anything due to the DriverBot already backing up and running over the creature again. “I felt it again.”

“Just relax ninja.” Hannibal said as he took a sip out of his coconut drink. The beast began to twist and turn beneath the car. So its sharp claws began cutting through metal. Revealing the soft flashy humans within the car. “Well ninja we’re about to die, but at least we found the demon puppy.” Hannibal took one last sip of his coconut before braced himself for what was coming.

But he never felt the tips of the monsters clause enter his flesh, nor did he feel its razor sharp teeth rip him to pieces. When he opened his eyes, he saw the beast attacking an Italian restaurant. Eating all the food within sight. “Hey DriverBot did I bring my gun?”

“No you did not.” The DriverBot said in a monotone voice. “But the ninja is always armed.”

“Ok, so where did the ninja go then?”

The DriverBot lowered its head in shame. “I do not know sir.”

“Well I guess Viceroy needs to update your software!” Unbeknownst to him the ninja was inside of his trunk using the nomicon.

-In Side The Nomicon
The first ninja was meditating in a wide open meadow when he felt a presence approach him. “Ah Randy, what do you need.”

“Ok so this is a long story.”

“Fortunately for you, I have all day.” The first ninja turned around to look at Randy. “Well you know the Tengu?”

“I’m the one who sealed it away.” The first ninja was starting to get irritated by Randy. “Well there is a demon dog that needs to be put away.”

The first ninja leaned towards Randy. “Did you open a gate way to the realm of demons?”

“No my arch enemy did. Wait there’s a realm of demons!”

“Yes, but you don’t need to know that.” The first ninja poked Randy in the chest to emphasize his point. “You don’t need to know that because I have what you need. And even a baby would be able to figure out how to use it.” He pulled something out of his pocket. “Here, take it.” The first ninja gave Randy a stone that resembled the Carp’s eye. But instead of a glamorous yellow, it was a burning red. “Is this the same type of rock you used to contain the Tengu?”

“Yes it is. I published it and performed all the rituals necessary by myself. Now go put that forest demon where belongs!”

Randy quickly returned to the land of the waking and hopped into action by kicking open the trunk of the car. “Ninja stone throw!” The stone, struck the monster in its head and began to pull the demon inside of it, Doug returned back to a human form as the demon was pulled out. “Wow ninja that was easy.” Hannibal stood right beside Randy. “Now who’s that dweeb.”

“My name is Doug…” Hannibal swiftly cut the boy off. “And I don’t care. Now let’s get back in the limousine.” Randy picked up the stone and tossed it into one of his pockets before hopping into the limo. “So when do we start trying to kill each other again?”

“When we get out of the limo, ninja.” Hannibal opened up a bottle of champagne. “Want some.” He presented the ninja a glass of champagne. “No I’m good.”

“So you don’t want to be a bit tipsy when on the run.” Hannibal drank the glass of champagne in a single go. “Smart plan ninja.”

“I’m kind of surprised you’re actually drinking when you’re going to try to kill me after this.” Randy slowly reached for one of his weapons as their destination drew nearer. “I’m not going to chase you, that’s the robot dogs’ job. How does a ten second head start sound?” The limo came to a stop and the doors unlocked. “That’s more than enough.” Randy stepped out of the limo and Hannibal started the timer. “See you next time, ninja.”

“You to McFist.” Randy smiled as he slipped his hand into his pocket to pull something out. Then, the buzzer rang out. “Smoke bomb!” Randy yelled as he disappeared into a puff of orange smoke.

-The Police Station
“Theresa Fowler you’re free to go.” She looked at the cell door as Yates slid it open. “Mr. Ninja was he caught the real culprit.”

“Let me guess it was Doug.” Randy nodded his head. “Fuck Doug.”

“Yeah, Doug is the biggest shoob.” His comment made her smile. “I’ll speak with you at your place.” He said before smoke bombing away.

-Theresa’s Home
“So Mrs. Fowler mind telling us why the demon in this rock looks almost identical to your daughter’s monster from?” Randy placed the stone on the table.

She looked down at the stone with fear in her eyes. “Theresa why would I know anything about this…” she was cut off by her own daughter. “Réponds à la question, maman. Est-ce à cause du Gévaudan ?”

‘Answer the question, Mom. Is it because of Gévaudan?’

A single tear slid down her face. “Oui.”

‘Yes.’

“One of are ancestors found a way to contain the beast.” The woman’s composure began to break down more, she was clearly struggling to keep herself calm. “He did this by offering it at home and then locking it away within himself. But of course there was a catch.” Randy placed his hand on her arm trying to comfort the woman. “The beast would still emerge, but it was controllable. And it would move from generation to generation when the previous holder died.” She lifted her head and looked directly into her daughter’s in the eyes. “When your great-grandfather died we all thought my second cousin was the one who inherited it.”

The woman paused for a moment, took a deep breath and a sip of tea. “You were only just a baby when your great-grandfather died and my second cousin was a violent man. Me and your father never considered…” once again her own daughter cut her off. “It’s ok mom. I just need a moment to think about this.” She got up and stepped outside, and Randy followed her. “So I’m possessed by a forest demon?” She looked down at her hands. “You know what, I think I can handle that.”

“You are way too calm.” His comment made her smile. “Yeah, well I guess that’s just something we have in common.” She gave him a hug. “You should probably get home.”

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Randy, then smoke bomb away and Theresa entered her house and went to bed.

Chapter Text

A Trabant 601 drove down the streets of Norrisville with two passengers in it. Debbie Kang and her quasi stepfather Konrad Krenz. He had only been discharged from the hospital a week ago and he was already held and on getting back to the school to resume what he had been previously doing. “So Debbie do you like the car?” She struggle to respond to his question. “I’m not really a car person.”

“Hahaha, I don’t need exact details on your opinion just how does it feel to you?” She once again struggled to find the words to describe her opinion on the car. “I guess it’s a car.” She put on a forced smile. “This isn’t just any car, this is a Trabant 601.” He gave the car a playful smack. “I know my little Trabi isn’t that comfortable and she’s quite loud.” That was an understatement, Debbie thought to herself. “However, she is robust, functional and repair-friendly car. And she’s one of the last things that connect me to my home.”

“Where do you even get the parts to repair this car?”

“Mr. McFist was kind enough to use some of his older machinery to make a few spare parts for me.” His closeness to Mr. McFist still confused her. “Doesn’t that go against your beliefs, you are a communist right?” Her comment seemed to strike a nerve. “Yes I am, but Mr. McFist has shown little to no signs of exploding the proletariat of his nation. Most of his workers are the machines he uses.” He was now going to tried to slightly changed the subject so that he could slowly move the conversation away from the current topic. “I’m just glad he’s helping me keep my little Trabi on the road.”

Debbie looked out the window as Konrad kept rambling on about his car. As he pulled into the parking lot, she saw the ninja standing on top of the roof, looking down upon the students like a guardian angel. “I know who the ninja is.” Konrad nearly gave himself whiplash without fast he turned to look at Debbie. “You’re serious?”

“Yep, Heidi’s going to reveal it later today when she does her podcast.” She said with a confidence grin on her face. Konrad, on the other hand, had to fight his urge to smile like a psychopath. “Well time for class, I’ll see you at lunch.” He stepped out of his car and walked to his classroom, each step he took was full of enthusiastic energy. He opened the door to his classroom and his positively ecstatic mood immediately came crashing down when he remembered who his students were.

Randy the troublemaker. Flute Girl the know it all. Juggo the student who had nearly cost him a hand. Stevens the sarcastic trumpeter. And lastly Howard, the one whom he hated the most. “Good morning class, now what did I miss?” Konrad surveyed the classroom, looking for anyone who raised their hand. “We were at the start of the Cold War.” Flute Girl said without raising her hand. “Thank you, but could you raise your hand next time.” Konrad said the last word with slightly more emphasis than the rest of the sentence.

As the teacher scribbled something under the chalkboard, Howard passed Randy a note. ‘Does Mr. K seem angrier than normal?’ The note said. Randy didn’t complete the disagree of Howard‘s observation. Konrad definitely did seem a little off today. His body language seemed more forced than normal, as if the man with murderous intentions was doubling down on his persona as a wacky foreign history teacher. “Randy is that a note I see?” Konrad look down at Randy like a vulture, looking at a starving animal. “A few of your friends have been passing notes throughout this class.” The eyes of Konrad dart it towards the direction of Flute Girl. “I didn’t know you liked gossip so much, hahaha. Why don’t you go gossip to the principal at lunch today.”

The teacher slowly backed away from Randy, well still maintaining eye contact. “Now class I may be a bit bias because I was born and raised in the Deutsche Demokratische Republik or as you call it East German.” The teacher continued to go on what could only be described as a nostalgia trip as he explained his upbringing in the country.

Eventually, the bell would ring in the class would leave. And the first thing Randy did was to run to Howard and speak with him. “Yeah I probably gave him brain damage.” Randy remembered the fight he had of Konrad on the docks and how he simply didn’t care if the man drowned in the river. “So you took a crazy probably at least a little bit antisemitic German, and you gave him brain damage! Way to go Cunningham.” Howard slammed his locker as he wandered off to his next class, leaving Randy behind.

-Lunch
“Good afternoon Norrisville.” Heidi said as a podcast came online. Konrad sat in his chair, eating his jägerschnitzel cooked the traditional East German way with a processed sausage, pasta, ketchup and coleslaw. “Today is a big folks! My friend Debbie is going to spill the beans on who the ninja is.” Heidi moved the camera to face Debbie before speaking again. “And hopefully she’ll get it right this time. Unlike last time when she said it was… Zandy or was it Bandy?” She began to trail off before Debbie tapped her on the shoulder. “Oh, my bad. Now tell us all the dets D.K.” Konrad‘s body became rigid from the anticipation.

Debbie took a deep breath before she spoke. “It’s,” Heidi played a drumroll sound effect, “Danny Clutterbuck!” A photo of the 9th graders popped up on screen. “Wer zum Teufel ist das?” ‘Who the hell is that?’ A small bit of ketchup ran down Konrad‘s face as he stared blankly at his laptop screen. The student named Danny looked a bit like Randy. Only real difference were his slightly different hair and eye colours.

-The Cafeteria
Everyone of the students was looking down at their phone when Heidi made the announcement. All of them simultaneously lifted their heads and looked around the cafeteria for their hero. “There he is! Pradeep said as he pointed towards Danny, who was sitting right next to Rachel, who immediately gave him a massive hug. “Thank you for saving me and the school like a bajillion times!”

“No problem?” Danny didn’t know how to react. He did want to be honest, but the prospect of being worshipped as a hero was intriguing to him. “Is there anything I can do to repay you for everything you’ve done?” Ask Rachel. “I can write you a song!”

“Same here!” Yelled Bucky as he pulled out his triangle. “I can fix up your bike.” Dave said to Danny. “Please one at a time.” Danny tried to put some space between him and his new fans. “Is it ok if you help me study?” He looked up at Rachel and she smelled back at him. “That would be super duper!” He blushed and smiled softly at her words.

“He is so going to get power drunk.” Howard said before taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Aren’t you a bit more worried about what Mr. K will do.” Whispered Theresa. “Don’t worry about it, the ‘ninja’ can just show up and explain away the problem.” Howard looked at Randy as he spoke.

The speaker then came to life and spoke. “Would Randy Cunningham place reported to the principal’s office.” Everyone at the table, looked at Howard. “I think you might have jinxed it, hahaha.” Julian said with his creepy giggle. “Okay my locker password is…” Randy was interrupted by Miss Wickwhacker tapping on his shoulder. “Office now.” Randy sighed and just walked to the office in disappointment. “Well I’m going to try to guess the password.” Said Howard before he finished his and Randy’s lunch.

-The Principal’s office
Randy sat down in the chair in front of Principal Slimovitz. “So Randy do you know why you are in this office today?” Randy put his hands in his pockets and began to think. “Is it the notes or the desk? Or the notes and the desk?”

“No it’s about the notes.” The principal said. “But this desk thing sounds important.” Slimovitz lean back in his chair and allowed Randy to speak. “Ok funny story me and Theresa accidentally spilled acid on our table during chemistry today?”

“Really…” Slimovitz although initially enthralled by the story quickly processed what Randy had just said to him. “You did what!” Randy opened his mouth to speak, but was immediately silenced. “I’m calling Theresa, her parents and your parents to this office right now!”

-The Hallway
“Danny! Danny!” The students chanted as Danny and Rachel walked down the hallway. “They really like me!” Danny smiled as he spoke. “I didn’t realize they like me this much!” Rachel giggled a little bit at what he was saying. “Of course they love you you’re the ninja!” The two of them and their followers walked by Howard, who was preparing to open Randy’s lock. “Ok it should be his birthday.” Howard cracked his knuckles and grabbed a hold of the lock. “Howard, you’re looking a little green?” Julian said to the redhead. “I don’t think Randy would like vomit on his bags and books.”

“Relax, Julian, I got this.” Howard took a deep breath in before turning the dial to the left. “Randy was born in August so that should be an eight.” he then turned the lock to the right. “He was born on the 13th.” And with one final movement, he turned it to the left. “In 1999.” He expected it to pop open, but nothing budged. “And Cunningham changed his lock!” Before Howard could try again he felt something off in his stomach. “That second lunch isn’t sitting right.” He then vomited onto the ground. “I’ll go get the nurse.” Julian sighed before he went to get the nurse.

-The Principal’s Office
Third period had just started when Randy’s father finally got to the school. “What did ma son do this week?” Mr. Cunningham said as he sat down in a chair. Slimovitz showed the Scottish man two separate photos, one of an intact desk and the other of one with a hole in it. “Your son did that!” Diarmaid looked at his son and then looked back at the photo. “Randy is a we bit a wimp.”

“Dad!” Randy said he clearly embarrassed from what his father had just told the principal. “Sorry son, but it’s the truth.”

“No, he did this with acid!” The principal, slammed his fist on the last word to emphasize the point. “How much does it cost?” Diarmaid open this wallet preparing to draw out as much money as would be necessary for him to just go back to work and deal with it later. “It’s $500 for a desk.” Said Slimovitz. “You’ll get the check in a week, well I’m off to work.” The man just stood up and left the room. “And no more passing notes Randy!” Said Slimovitz who then dismissed Randy. He left the room and waved to Theresa before he headed straight to his next class. He was already late and he couldn’t afford to waste time trying to find where Danny was to stop him from claiming to be the ninja.

When he sat down in his chair for his next class, Julian slid him a note that read ‘Howard got sick and was sent home’. Randy then scribbled something else and slid it back to Julian. ‘I keep the mask on me at all times’ the note said. “Is that a note I see!” The teacher‘s voice was shrill as she spoke. “This is the third time this week. I’ve caught one of you two passing notes, detention!” Randy place his head down in shame, he now knew that today would be a rough day.

-After School
“Danny! Danny!” The students were still counting, even as the day came to an end. “Thank you!” Danny shouted back at them. “You all mean so much to me! But a hero needs some down time so please allow me and Rachel to study tonight in peace!” The Crowd then began to break apart making room for Rachel and Danny to walk to their bikes. “So where should we study?” Asked Danny. “The public library downtown is perfect. It’s got some very comfy chairs and the librarians are always nice.” Rachel said with a massive smile. “Well I’ve never been to the library so you’ll have to show me. Also I need to be back by eight.” Danny was a bit sheepish with his confession. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you home in time. Now just fallow me.” Rachel hopped on her bike and began peddling down the street with Danny trailing behind her.

Víðarr who had been stalking Danny on behalf of Konrad ever since the announcement was made was now finally able to return Konrad with some useful Intel. He quickly made his way back to Konrad‘s room and began whispering into the man’s ear. “Die Bibliothek.” ‘The library.’ Konrad smiled as he stood up from his desk. Made his way to his car where Debbie was waiting for him. “So how was class today?”

“It was good.” As she spoke, she saw the massive sign that had ‘We love you Danny’ writing on it. “Good, I had a good day as well.” He drove onto the main street as he looked down at his watch carefully monitoring the time. He suspected it would be about a 45 minute bike ride from the school to the library. And he wasn’t sure about Danny‘s address so he would have to strike shortly after the boy arrived at the library. “Debbie is it ok if supper is a little late to night? Mr. McFist has a short meeting with a very important person, and he wants me to be a security guard.”

“Sure, I’ll let mom know. What time do you think you’ll get back by?”

“Probably around six or eight o’clock at the latest.”

-Detention
Randy and Julian both sat down in their desks that were on opposite side of the room. “Ok, there will be complete silence until 1700 o’clock!” The teacher said as he acted like he was a sergeant in an army. “Yes Mr. Sargent.” All of the students sit in unison. “Good now do your homework.”

-McFist’s Industries
Konrad parked his beloved Trabi and marched down towards his storage room. Inside there was a collection of guns, knives and costumes. He grabbed a Walther PPK, he loaded it and grab two extra seven round magazines of .380 ACP. He took out two hunting knives and a voice changer. He placed everything into a briefcase and left the building.

It took him about half an hour to walk to the library. As soon as he saw it, he had Víðarr scope it out to see if they had arrived already. And sure enough they had arrived. Rachel and Danny were busy taking notes down from an old chemistry textbook completely unaware of the danger that was lurking near them. Konrad then walked into a nearby shadow and allowed himself to sink into the darkness to prepare for what would come next. It would take him some time to prepare, not only did he have to put on his gear, but he also had to wait for the truck to arrive.

And he needed to brace himself for what was to come. In his years of murder, assassination and terrorism he had never before killed a child. He had never thought of it as a line in the sand before. Until now with his newly acquired experience being a surrogate father to Debbie, it made him hesitant about what was happening.

-Meanwhile, at The School
“All right students get out of here. I have to go home!” Commanded Mr. Sargent. Randy and Julian quickly go up from their desks and rush rush towards the parking lot so I was waiting for them

-Just Over a Quarter of an Hour Later
“Hey, Rachel… I have something to tell you.” Danny blushed a little bit as he spoke. “What is it? Is it something that’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?” She said in response to his question. “Yeah it is,” he said in a sheepish tone, “I have a cru…”

“On the ground! Now!” A man wearing a voice changer yelled as he waved around a Walther PPK. The man wrapped his arm around Danny’s neck, placing him into a chokehold with a hunting knife just . “This child is coming with me. If any of you do anything someone will die!” Konrad thought he saw a man reaching for a gun and fired on him. The man was shot in the head killing him instantly. “See! Don’t be a hero, just read the note in stall number two!” He kicked down the door, ran out off the back exit and hopped into the back of a moving truck with a McFist logo on it. After he had closed the roll up door he slammed his fist against the metal letting the driver know that he had the cargo and was in the truck.

“Who are you!” Screamed Danny like a small child. Konrad laughed at the boy’s question. The voice changer he was wearing almost made his laugh sound demonic. “I’m just a hired gun, kid. Now you have a few questions to answer.” As the truck sped off it nearly collided with the car that Theresa was driving. “You think that’s him?” She said after she slammed on the brakes. Randy took one look at the logo and instantly knew that it was him. “Pull over I’ll slip on the mask and you guys can follow behind me OK.” He hopped out of the car and rolled into a bush from which the ninja would appear. He was able to trail the car by using a combination of parkour and swinging using his scarf.

“The book, where is it!” Konrad said before he punched Danny in the face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, please let me go!” The boy was crying like an infant. “Lier.” Hissed Konrad before striking him again. “I didn’t borrow any books!” Konrad struck him again and again.

After a few more attacks, the beating came to an end. Konrad’s hands have become sore, giving Danny a moment of rest. The moment of relative peace was interrupted when one of the tires was popped by a ninja disc. On the outside, Randy had hopped on top of the vehicle and plunged the sword into the android covered in Synth-Flesh that was piloting it. After he forced the truck to stop, he opened the sliding door.

“Konrad Krenz, if you lay a single finger on him, I will pull this fucking trigger!” Konrad stared down the ninja the ninja who was standing in front of him with a black powder pistol pointed directly at the forehead of Konrad. The assassin lightened his grip on Danny as he locked eyes with the ninja. “Scheiße!” ‘Shit!’ “Ninja, I wasn’t expecting you.” Konrad spoke in a tone devoid of all emotions but disappointment. He looked down into the eyes of Danny and sighed. “Sorry kid, but no witnesses.” And with that he plunged the knife into Danny‘s throat. Randy fired his pistol but Konrad dodge the bullet by rolling backwards into a shadow with Danny still in hand. Both of them soon disappeared into the black void that Konrad always retreated into when he was cornered.

Tears began pouring down the face of Randy as the realization fully sunken. He wanted to throw up he wanted to go crawl into bed and die. This was the first time that someone innocent had died on his watch. He slammed his fist into the asphalt. “No!” He screamed. “No.” He cried as Theresa and Julian finally caught up to him. “Ninja what happened?” Theresa asked as she shook Randy trying to snap him out of his mental breakdown. “Konrad…” he struggled to put the words together. “He killed him.” Both Julian and Howard step back when they heard what Randy said. “The son of a bitch killed him.” Randy stood back up with tears still pouring down his face. “I… I need to talk with him.” Randy removed his mask in shame and was escorted to the car by Theresa and Julian.

As he walked to the car, the sky above became cloudy and droplets of rain fell upon him. It became a downpour shortly after they stepped into the car. The drive back to the city was quiet. Nobody wanted to speak. When they finally reached Randy’s home he left without even saying goodbye. He didn’t say anything to his parents as he walked all the way up to his bedroom and lied down on his bed. He pulled out the Nomicon.

-In Side of The Nomicon
Randy sat down beside the First Ninja. “I need to speak with you.” Randy said. “What happened?” The older ninja said in response. “Someone… died.”

The First Ninja turn to face Randy. “Died as in you killed them or…” he was swiftly cut off by Randy. “A student was murdered because I failed to protect him!” The tears began pouring down Randy’s cheek again. “Let it out.” First Ninja placed his hand on Randy’s shoulder. “I know how you feel, did I ever tell you what happened to my brothers?” Randy looked up at the man. “No you haven’t.”

“The Sorcerer lured all seven of us into a fortress, then he separated us and killed my brothers one by one.” The First Ninja tried his best to hold back a tear. “After five of my brothers were killed it was just me and Kensuke, he was the youngest one of us.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “We were cornered by one of the Sorcerer’s monster rats. It attacked me but my brother pulled out his sai and stabbed the monster. It let screamed and more of them began charging at us. I pulled out my sword and tried to save my brother, but… they were just too many of them. He was dragged away into the darkness.” A shiver ran up his spine as he remembered the screams. “I tried to save him, I killed all of those rats. But by the time I made it to him, he was already dead.” He nearly threw up at the memory of what he saw. “The next few months were hell. The only comfort I had was the sorcerer had escaped into a boat. And sailed towards the rising sun.”

The First Ninja stood up and looked up at the sky. “I was expecting to spend the rest of my life as a drunk. Until my elderly father gave me one final lesson.” He helped Randy stand up. “Randy, the human mind is a blade sharper than even your sword.” The first ninja pulled out his sword as a visual aid for the metaphor. “And just like a sword, it’s best to not point it inwards.”

-Debbie’s House
Konrad had just gotten home and was beginning to cook Königsberger Klopse for dinner. “What are you making?” Asked Debbie. “Meatballs with sauce and potatoes. The sauce is actually a combination of caper cream and white wine. And the potatoes are just potatoes.”

“Ooh fancy.” She spoke with a little hearted tone. “You seem a little stressed, did something happen at the meeting?” Konrad gave a forced laugh. “It was fine, just some boring bourgeoisie talk.”

“Then why do you have red on your head?” His heart started when he heard Debbie’s words. He slowly looked down at his hand and saw the dried up blood from Danny’s throat. “Oh yeah I had a bloody nose earlier I guess I missed a spot when I was washing my hands. The food is almost done, can you please watch it as I go wash my hands?”

“Sure just why don’t you…” Konrad quickly, ran up the stairs “use the kitchen sink?” He slammed the door shut and began washing his hands with soap, nearly cutting into his own skin with his fingers nails from the intensity of the rubbing. He began to picture Debbie as the mom of a knife in the throat. The boy he killed was barely younger than her. “Bin ich zu weit gegangen?” ‘Did I go too far?’ No he didn’t, he told himself. “Elrösen.” He said as he turned off the tap.

When he ventured back downstairs, he saw Debbie and her mother eating the Königsberger Klopse that he had prepared. He took a deep breather in and joined them.