Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My alarm goes off, making my head reel with angry thoughts of wanting to continue my blissful sleep, but I know I have to get up. This day has been plaguing me since Grunkle Stan brought up the idea over a video chat.

"Mabel, I think it'd be good for you to see your brother again. He really misses you, you know?"

Hearing him talk about Dipper always made me feel angry and disappointed, I know he means well, but i'm not exactly the happiest with him. Not since he decided to stay with Grunkle Ford. I know I gave him the choice to decide, but it broke my heart when he chose to stay cooped up in a basement with Ford instead of coming to high school and finishing out our teenage years together. I had put too much hope and faith into thinking he would want to come back with me, and ever since then I have held it against him.
I do feel guilty every time I think about what awful and offensive things I could say if I ever saw him in person again, but it's all so short and fleeting that I cant even remind myself why I would feel guilty about it.

I realized way too late that I had been staring at my ceiling and suddenly, my second alarm went off. If I really wanted to see everyone I would have to rush to get there at a decent time, but the more I think about it,the more I start to dread being there. Thankfully I don't have to take a bus and can just drive home if it all gets too much, but I made a promise to Grunkle Stan that I wouldn't back out and would see him for the holidays. I do miss Gravity Falls and everyone in it, but I can't shake the feeling that this is going to be one awkward and long month.

11:56 am.
As I'm heading for the door with my bags packed to the brim of clothes and other belongings, I remembered I'm missing a key part of my stay at Stan's, Waddles. He comes to me, his big body and scrunched face looking at me with concern, he was never very good with me leaving him alone at the house.

"Oh, Waddles , I'm so sorry! I can't believe I almost forgot you! Am I a horrible mother or what?" I say, kneeling down to his height and picking him up to the best of my abilities. He oinks in response, a common interaction between us.
"I know, I know, let me find your leash, no one else can take care of you like I can, plus I'm sure you miss the Shack, huh?"
Once more he oinks in delight, confirming my suspicions. Every time Grunkle Stan and Ford were on call, Waddles would hear their voices, jump up and squeak at the camera, a clear indication that he misses them.

I grab the leash from its usual spot and clasp it around him, throwing in a note to self to put him on a better diet and to stop feeding him so many scraps. I walk out the door, locking it and throwing my bag back over my shoulder. "Take care of yourself, house. I'm sure I'll be back in no time."

As I walk to my car I get a text from Stan, I hesitate to open it, but when I do I'm greeted with-

'Heya mnabel I'm still not sure how to text very well but dipper here is trying tio show me so just wondering if you are up and what time you think you'll be here much love grunjkle stan'

Even with the mention of Dipper, the spelling mistakes he makes always crack me up, I let out a big chuckle and text him back-

'Heya to you too, "Grunjkle Stan", I'm leaving right now, I should be there around 2pm tomorrow. since its a long drive I'm gonna catch a motel and wake up early enough to be there before dinner, I'll let you know if its any later'

'Dont sass me kid I can stiill let you starve you know anyway call me if you have any toruble safe travels pumpkin love grunkle Stan'

I laugh once more before another message comes through,

'See I spelt it right that time'

I throw my head back with a smile and chuck my phone into my car seat. Upon opening my trunk I'm greeted with some old things I had left behind when moving out of our parents house, stuff that belonged to both me and Dipper. I shake the nostalgia from my head as I put my bag into my car, Waddles now sat in the front seat.

"You love a good car ride, huh? Well you better buckle up, because we have a long way to go."

I shoot to the drivers seat and begin the car. I take one last look at the house, making a mental check note of everything I turned off and grabbed before leaving, and grabbing my phone and starting up my music. I made a long road trip playlist to play while I drive, mostly full of energetic songs so I don't get tired, and begin to head out, making sure my maps for the motel in Oregon City were loaded up.

As I leave the neighborhood I start to wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Should I be showing up after almost 10 years of not being in that town? What would everyone think of me? What do I say to everyone?

I made a promise to Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford, but I've never felt like turning back more than in this moment.

Chapter Text

As I arrive at the motel and unpack my things, I'm shot with a sense of pure dread. I don't know what to expect when I arrive at Gravity Falls. Will there be new people? New buildings? New discoveries? I can't shake the feeling that I could be walking into the most distressing period of my life in 10 years. What would Dipper be like? Would he be anything like Grunkle Ford, or still have his same enthusiasm for solving mysteries and goofing off with me? I have always been so sure of myself, always trying to see the best of a bad situation, but this time, i'm practically clawing at the skin around my nails and expecting the absolute worst.

I settle into the room, my bag half open to grab essentials and pajamas, when I hear Waddles squeak with hunger. It's that moment I take into account my own stomach too.

"I promise to feed you soon, Waddles, just try not to eat the drapes while I'm gone okay?"

I get an oink in return. I open my phone and begin to look at the area around me. Small and run down gas stations fill the area, so I'm beyond doubt I will be able to get any real food around here. Gas station snacks it is then! I put my phone into my pocket, blow Waddles a kiss, and I'm headed out the door. Walking the streets, I feel cold and anxious. I haven't stayed outside of the house in ages, and I don't really have a way to protect myself, just a can of pepper spray. I can clutch as tight onto it as I want, but it lacks effort in making me feel better. The gas station is only a few minutes from here, so I choose to open my call logs and place my phone back in my pocket to stay attentive to my surroundings. (thanks, Grunkle Stan!)

When I find myself at the doors of the gas station, I'm met with the bright lights of a sign, proud to be selling liquor inside. I take a moment to question myself, should I really drink when I have another 2-3 hours on the road? Yet, instead, my head convinces me it can't be that bad of an idea if I just get to sleep early, and with that, I make a mental note to check the drink's shelves. I walk in and i'm greeted by the sight of a woman donning heavy blue eye shadow, and I faintly remember the woman from the diner we always used to go to.

Why can't I remember her name?

What is wrong with me? 

I shrink a bit into myself and this newfound reminder and continue to make my way through the shop, picking up snacks and drinks for both me and Waddles to enjoy tonight. I pick up a honeybun, and next to it I'm greeted with a nice tall bottle of whiskey, something I've seen Stan drinking before.

The first night we arrived he downed the rest, and I never saw it again.

I figured that if he liked it, I could possibly enjoy it too, so I propped it up into my arm and head for the counter, acknowledging that I'm not spending the rest of my life in this motel and don't need to spend all of my money here. As I get to the counter and greet the woman, a sense of guilt follows me. Did I really not visit anyone in 10 whole years? Was I really that selfish to let some unrequited fued between me and my brother get between everyone I loved so dearly in that town? I think of Candy and Grenda, the only friends I had truly made in there and, while I had kept in contact with them for awhile, I let things drift off to the point that they may not even remember or want to see me anymore. I completely closed myself off from everyone, especially after the divorce. A shudder runs through my body every time I think about it, so I shake the thoughts and place my items on the counter. 

"Hey there!"

She even kinda sounds like her.

"Hi." I reply sheepishly, completely unlike me.

"If I wouldn't have known any better, I'd say you look like a little girl I used to know!" She says excitedly. I take another look at her face and examine the features. Pink lips with a small mole on her left cheek, and unmistakable, unforgettable-

Lazy Susan.

"Oh my gosh, is this really who I think it is? Is it really you Mabel?"

I freeze, my heart beating an extra hundred times per minute. I drop my head down and shuffle my things from the edge of the counter, not realizing how close they were to falling. I want to respond but what do I say? Do I lie and say I'm not who shes thinking of? Should I take off and run? Unfortunately before I can make a decision, my mouth works against me.

"Lazy Susan?"

I wish I had a frying pan to knock myself out.

"Yes, yes that's me! From Greasy's diner, back in Gravity Falls! Remember?" She smiles big and proud, like she had been waiting her whole life to say it. 

"Yeah..I remember-" I let out a small, yet fake, chuckle, "How have you been? What brings you down here?"

I hope that while she talks she would at least pick up a few of my items and start scanning, but when she lands both hands on the counter, I give up on that dream. 

"Oh you know, too many memories, that town. Many bad ones! My cats were starting to get antsy, so I knew I had to head out sometime. What about you? How's your brother?"

The mention of him always brings a sting to my chest, never wanting to talk about him but, at the same time, always wanting to scream about him and how much I had felt hurt by him. 

"Don't you remember? He didn't come back with me. We don't keep up with each other like we used to." I say, shame gripping the corners of my mind and forcing me to bite my cheek to force the tears down. I would never cry in front of anyone anymore, let alone Lazy Susan. 

"Oh well that's such a shame, you two seemed unstoppable-" she finally starts scanning, "I would've thought you would be taking on the world together!"

Her words cut deep like a hot knife on butter, and I stood there speechless. I wanted so badly to scream at her-

"I KNOW THAT! DON'T YOU THINK I FELT THE SAME WAY?"

Yet I remained silent, tears threatening to prick over my eyes any second as I hear the continuous beeps of scans. Willing myself to breathe and remain composed, she continues.

"If I had a twin, I would've never let them go, I wonder why you didn't stay? Didn't you have the option?"

No. He never asked me to. I was too suffocating.

I choose not to reply with that, deeming it unfit for the occasion and simply wanting to leave as quickly as I could. As she prints out a receipt I reply with a simple-

"Thank you. Great to see you again."

And head out the door, tears finally leaving my eyes as I sprint across the street and begin walking to my room. Having him being brought up, especially by someone who didn't understand or know what had happened, brought back painful memories. Memories of my mother screaming about why I couldn't have stayed in Gravity Falls as well, not wanting me back home to ruin the house and bring chaos wherever I went. Wishing she didn't have my 'problematic enthusiasm' around her any longer, and then sending me to my dads, who instead of greet me at the door with a hug or kiss, chose to be passed out on the couch, a bottle in his hand and the smell of cigarette smoke filling the room. I learned that day that my parents had made up their mind, they were already living separately, just waiting on court documents to finally seal the deal. 

Thinking of the divorce always led me down a dark path. I began acting up then, entering a "she who shall not be named phase", dyeing my hair black, sporting piercings I wish I had never gotten. One night I had spent at my father's was particularly emotional. He stumbled in, drunk as ever, and sat on the edge of my bed while I knit. 

Slurring, he finally lets out, "I hate to see you like this. I-Im sorry things ain't work out between y-your mama and me. I ain't been the best but I l-love you. This ain't you Mabel." 

He ended up passing out on my floor, not remembering the night before, and why my voice was so hoarse and eyes so puffy. That was the day I decided to steal alcohol for the first time, and nothing has changed since. 

As I walk down the street, I pull the bottle from underneath my sweater, putting it into the bag of snacks and hoping that when I get back Waddles wouldn't be tearing up the room. I had a sense of why I liked pigs so much. They were careless, irresponsible, selfish, and chaotic. Everything that can or has been said about me. Yet, we were birds of a feather, and no matter what happened, what I did, looked like, or said, he would always come back to me. 

As I arrive back at the room, I noticed the door unlocked and scrambled to the door, hoping no one had found a way in to rob or hurt my precious pig. I slowly open the door, to see the motel manager on his phone looking at a Google page full of numbers, the room around him a disheveled mess. 

Oh no. I knew this would happen. Stupid, stupid, stupid-

"Hi I'm so sorry, what's going on here?" I say, already understanding the circumstances, but not wanting to believe my eyes.

"Your fuckin' pig is what's the matter! Motherfucker tore up almost everything in this room, do you know how much this shit is gonna cost me? You fuckin' owe me one kid! You owe me one!"

He shouts angrily and full of venom, I want to flinch but I know it's my responsibility to take up. 

"Oh my God... I'm so so sorry. He never acts like this, ever! He must be nervous, this is our first time being away from my house in like, 5 years. Please, I promise to pay you back, just let me get the money out of the suitcase in the bathroom."

"I hoped you'd have the damn money, or else I woulda had to find another way to pay it off." 

I tense up, immediately knowing what he meant by the words and pray I can find a way out of here quick. 

I don't have that kind of money.

"Of course, give me just one minute, I'll take him with me so he doesn't cause any trouble."

"Good fuckin' call."

I step backwards while calling Waddles's name, "Come here boy! Bathroom time!" 

He listens to me immediately, following after me with close precision, almost making me trip. I rush to the bathroom, checking over my shoulder to make sure the man isn't following behind me, and when the coast is clear I take in my surroundings. 

A window. Nice. 

I make casual diversions, yelling out sentences of "Man where did I put that money? Oh, I must have left it in the drawer of course!" While I slowly slide up the window, I let Waddles out first. I make some shuffling noises and yell out another diversion "Ugh.. Oh, now I remember! Duh! I left it under the towels in case someone broke in, one moment!" 

I slowly and silently climb my way out of the window and make a break for it, hearing a distant, "You been takin' enough fuckin' time in there kid, I'm about to come in there!"

As I run through the parking lot and into my car. I hear the bathroom door bust open with a loud shout of "FUCK!" and hit the reverse, shifting, and gassing it out of the lot. A loud shot can be heard, clearly sent my way as I push the pedal harder, sending myself flying down the highway and past all stop signs. 

I race my car further and further down to the break of the interstate, and push it with a close call to hitting another car. 

"Jesus fuck, Waddles! Do not know how much trouble we could've gotten into back there? You are so lucky we had a window in that bathroom!" 

I hear rustling, and as I look over to him he has our gas station bag in his mouth. I really have the best pig, huh?

"Oh my God, Waddles! How? I didn't even see that when you went out the window!" 

I give him a nice pat along his head as he drops the bag and settles on his back, obviously asking for his tummy to be next. As we drive down the highway I'm faced with a sudden sense of restlessness. I can't sleep, not tonight anyway, I might as well book it to Gravity Falls and settle at the Shack. As I get closer and closer to being home at the Shack, I allow myself to think more about what lies ahead, instead of the situation that passed me. As scared as I am about what happened, nothing can be scarier than facing my past. 

Chapter Text

"Alright everyone, she will be here in T minus 5 hours, is everything ready?" I ask, setting my Pitt cola on the step, hoping everyone put their best into this surprise party.

"I got the cake and decorations ready!" exclaims Ford, "And I got the drinks and games too!" I look over to see Grunkle Stan with what seems to be icing on his face, a clear sign of baking gone wrong. I shake my head with laughter at the sight.

"Awesome, I got her favorite playlist booted up, whenever she texts that she is close by we will all hide and I'll get this playing over the speakers, no one makes a sound." I reiterate, "This needs to be the best surprise welcome party anyone has ever thrown in the history of surprise welcome parties. She is also basically the queen of parties, so we need to make sure it's double what she would expect!" I look over to Soos and Wendy, who have their hands full with leftover decorations and party favors for her and the rest of the guests. I'm planning on bringing the whole town, so I need to make sure absolutely no one will be disappointed.

It feels like its been forever since I've seen Mabel. We talk on the phone and keep in touch every once in awhile, but I can't help but feel as if she has been distant from me. It's been awhile since we properly chatted with each other, I barely even know how mom and dad are doing these days with the divorce, but if it were truly bad I know she would reach out to me, It's always been that way.

Or so I think..

As Soos and Wendy finish the last of the decorations, I get a text from Mabel,

'be there in awhile, sorry I took longer than expected, some crazy shit happened'

I look at her message with some concern, what crazy shit? Was she in danger? Did she get hurt? I try to brush off any excess worry before texting her but as I reread the message I sent it seems I couldn't come up with a good enough facade.

'Thats okay! I hope you are doing alright! Is everything okay?'

'its fine, see you in a couple hours'

Her response is cold, similar to my mothers when I check up on her, especially whenever I realize a little too late that it had been a few months since I last spoke to her. I have a feeling she isn't the most happy with me right now, but she wouldn't harbor any true hatred for me, would she? Mabel has always been, at least in my eyes, so happy go lucky. So willing to set aside any tension or borderline anger to have a good time and relationship with those around her.

I start to think more about how long it's been since I truly interacted with her from a social standpoint. I haven't seen her in school or befriend anyone in 10 years. I haven't seen her bubbly personality charm the last person she has talked to or how she is able to easily start a conversation with a random person in line at the grocery store. It's been too long, and I start to feel guilt eat at me from the inside.

How could I leave her alone like that?

My heart begins to sink the more I reread her message to me and I shut my phone off, sighing heavily and placing it in my pocket, the motion seeming to gain the attention of Grunkle Ford.

"You okay, son? I figured you would be a bit more excited about this!"

"I am, I'm very excited, I'm just a bit worried about how things will be with Mabel, it's been so long, you know? I'm worried she's upset with me or that she doesn't even want to be near me for leaving her alone. She has seemed so distant lately with our texts and calls, I'm worried I'm making a mistake."

"Dipper, my boy, you are not making a mistake. I'm sure she would love to see us all again, after all she did agree to come down here! I know it's been awhile since you two have been with each other in person, but i'm sure she is still the same old Mabel we know and love. She allowed you some time to breathe without having her constantly at your side, and now that you are showing an interest in catching up, i'm sure she is more excited than you know. Try not to worry so much, my boy, if she isn't happy, then it's no one's fault but her own."

I let Ford's word sink in, resulting in great comfort from the swirling storm of overthinking that her message had brought.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I think I'm just nervous we won't get on as much as I'm hoping we will."

I bite the inside of my lip, and suddenly feeling a strong six fingered hand at my shoulder.

"Everything will be fine, Dipper. Even if things aren't the same, there's always room for improvement. Me and Stanley weren't on the best terms when I was brought back from the portal, but you see us now,"

He looks over to Grunkle Stan, seeing him choke on a pitt from a can of Pitt soda, and beams widely,

"I wouldn't have asked for anyone else to be my brother. I'm sure they both feel the same way."

I smile up at him as he ruffles my hair and walks over towards Stan to lecture him on being kinder to his *former* employees and I think to myself,

Maybe this wont be so bad after all.