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Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure where he’d gone wrong, exactly, outside of falling in love with Luo Binghe in the first place.

That shidi of his- he’d given him everything. He’d supported his studies, given him first pick of cultivation aids, constantly gave him expensive presents. The best quarters. All of it.

And now- now, he was watching everything he’d sowed come back as briars.

Hadn’t he tried to be the best Peak Lord? The wisest scholar? The most righteous cultivator? Hadn’t he supported initiatives to make it easier for potential cultivator talents of any walk of life to get training? Hadn’t he worked to prevent the abuse of power over the non-cultivator citizens? Hadn’t he done everything he could to help everyone, regardless of money, status, name?

And here he was, awaiting trial for crimes he’d never committed while his beloved Peak- his beloved Sect- lay in smoldering ruins. He could only hope he’d given his disciples enough time to evacuate.

He flexed his hand, or attempted to. Without-A-Cure was creeping in, slowly but surely, speeded by the restriction on his cultivation and lack of medical care. He could feel it creeping closer to his heart every hour. His arm no longer moved, the cold, needling pain had reached his shoulder.

He regretted the day he’d taken the hit for Luo Binghe- just a young disciple at that point, and still (seemingly) awestruck with his Shen Shixiong. Luo Binghe had tended him so carefully then, making his favorite foods and fussing at his blankets. Where had his cute little Shidi gone?

There was nothing of him now in the wolf Luo Binghe had become- a wildfire, tearing down and subjugating sect after sect. What he was aiming for, no one knew. His Half-Demon heritage had something to do with it, perhaps. Shen Qingqiu felt ill in his gut at having kept it a secret for Luo Binghe. At the time, though- at the time, he’d considered himself as Luo Binghe’s staunchest defender and fiercest advocator. He’d told Luo Binghe his heritage didn’t matter, that as long as Shen Qingqiu was Peak Lord, Binghe would be welcome on Qing Jing, no matter what.

Now, as he shivered in the dungeons he’d been placed in at Luo Binghe’s command, he regretted every moment.

His Martial Siblings, dead or missing. Disciples, same. His brother- his brother, struck down in front of him. His bamboo hut, burned to ashes. Even the furry creatures Liu Shidi had dropped on his doorstep, intending for him to kill and eat- all slain, not even processed for use. Simply left where they were killed, their corpses littering the bamboo groves along with those of the disciples he hadn’t been quick enough to save.

He really regretted it to death, now.

His only meal was delivered, and Shen Qingqiu sighed in relief. Even restricted as he was, he could still smell the poison in the food. That was this poison’s one drawback, otherwise it was fairly tasteless and killed almost instantly.

At this point, he could either starve to death, or take the poison. The fact that it appeared to be Luo Binghe’s cooking felt like one more hole in his heart, although he honestly hadn’t thought he had room for another hole.

Awkwardly, he managed to consume just enough congee to make sure he took a sufficient dose.

In the next life, let’s not meet.

-~-

Shen Qingqiu was utterly displeased to discover the truth of his universe- that it was all a story, and his role was meant to be that of a jealous, cruel, scum villain teacher, who symbolized the rotten core underneath the shiny cultivation world.

Except he wasn’t the right scum villain!

It was apparently meant to be his older brother, which- yes, Shen Qingqiu could see happening. Fortunately, his brother spent most of his time bossing Yue Qingyuan around quite happily, and never delved much into teaching. His role was to keep Yue Qingyuan in check (aka, happy), and it was apparently a full-time job.

So why did it all happen!

Shen Yuan grumpily continued learning about the ‘Original Story’, where Luo Binghe rose up, tore down those rotten, hypocritical sects, and merged the human and demon worlds together. It was meant to equalize everyone- instead, it began to tear the world apart, bit by bit. The Demon Emperor Luo Binghe could ignore for a while, but eventually it all came due. He forced the few cultivators left to sacrifice themselves to try and mend the rift, but it was too late. The world ended.

The world ended.

The world ended.

The World. Ended.

What the hell?!?!

The few SYSTEM workers in the area gave him a wide berth for the next few days as he raged.

All that, to take over a world he ended up DESTROYING because he didn’t bother to listen about how delicate the ecosystem between the realms was?

Yes, what a VERY good shidi Shen Qingqiu had! Very good indeed!

Or rather, he didn’t bother to listen and ended up destroying the world because…that’s how the story went.

So he razed Cang Qiong (for no reason), imprisoned and killed Shen Qingqiu (for no reason), merged the realms (with no forethought about consequences), and half-assed fixing the problem (because that’s how the story ends).

The SYSTEM in charge of the area, superior though it acted, still kept a bit extra space between Shen Qingqiu and its hardware.

“Luo Binghe has always been an excellent transmigrator. We were hoping that he, out of all our Agents, would best adapt to a world truly come to life. You, your brother, Yue Qingyuan, and a few others, had gained true sentience, and acted outside the normal bounds. We truly thought that Luo Binghe would be the best at this sort of mission.”

“Well, you proved yourselves very wrong, didn’t you. Catastrophically wrong, one might say.”

The SYSTEM looked more regretful than ever that it couldn’t delete Shen Qingqiu like it wanted to.

It had attempted to, multiple times. Shen Qingqiu had become a snag. A part of the System itself. Undeleteable. He took great pride in this fact.

“You really do need to understand that it isn’t personal, we just have rules to follow.”

Shen Qingqiu ignored him, and passed on to another world to study. He liked the ‘Modern’ world stories, and avoided the dystopian, post-apocalyptic ones. He liked the technology, with the Internet being of particular interest to him. So many stories to read, all at your fingertips! The part of himself that was less scholar and more bookworm was a bit jealous of those worlds. He was sure he would make an excellent fuerdai. No need for parental angst about his misdeeds, he’d be holed up in his room, reading webnovel updates.

Time passed like this for what could be months, or even years. Shen Qingqiu finally got around to looking into other Cultivation Worlds. Sometimes the techniques were simply too different, but occasionally he found a gem. The world of ‘Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation’ in particular added to his musical cultivation repertoire!

In fact, he was practicing ‘Rest’ when an alarm blared. All movement stopped for a split second, then everyone and every SYSTEM bolted- it looked chaotic, but everyone moved with intentionality. No one ran into another, they simply dashed to their stations and started figuring out what exactly was going on.

“Intruder! It’s- is it really him? It’s Agent Luo!”

“What is he doing?”

“He’s restarting a world, sir- “

“Is that my world?”

Shen Qingqiu was astounded to see the now-familiar code of his home world displayed on the screen. PIDW-00001.

“That is your world. Why is he doing this?”

“We can’t stop him, sir!”

Shen Qingqiu felt a strange pulling sensation.

“SYSTEM, I think he’s really succeeding.”

SYSTEM turned. Sure enough, Shen Qingqiu was fading away.

“I will contact you once you’re the in the world. We’ll figure out what’s going on, and keep him from doing whatever it is he plans to do.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t have any time to respond. The System Control Center faded from view, and instead-

The wooden ceiling in his room in Cang Qiong.

Shen Qingqiu had to stifle his scream.

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Chapter Text

-~-

Shen Qingqiu was not happy to be reborn. Into his own self, years prior. He was Head Disciple Shen Yuan, not even granted the name ‘Qingqiu’ yet.

He lay in bed, considering his options. While he desperately wanted to run far, far away- he couldn’t abandon his sect.

At the same time, the thought of turning in the young Disciple Luo Binghe for something he couldn’t control- he should. Luo Binghe had more than proven himself a danger.

Shen Yuan would test him. If Luo Binghe made a different decision, then Shen Yuan would say nothing. At the first sign of danger, Shen Yuan would kill him. With his own two hands.

Feet pounded down the path towards his quarters, and the door opened.

“Shixiong? Shixiong, are you here?”

It was the voice of Luo Binghe. Speak of the half-demon. Shen Yuan gathered all his strength and got out of bed. It was very hard, and left him dizzy and light-headed.

“Shen Shixiong, are you well?!” Luo Binghe’s voice crowded closer, and Shen Yuan flinched away. Luo Binghe’s eyes grew big, but he grabbed Shen Yuan’s shoulder to steady him anyway.

“Shixiong, should I call for a healer? Shixiong looks quite unwell.”

Shen Yuan was struggling not to hear Luo Binghe as he had been in the dungeon, sly, superior, threatening.

“Fine. Please just- I’ll be fine. I just need some rest.”

Luo Binghe looked only more concerned.

“Anyway, doesn’t Disciple Luo have other responsibilities? This Shixiong is Head Disciple, and shouldn’t take up too much time with his Shidi- there is much work to be done.” He brushed off Luo Binghe’s touch, skin crawling.

Luo Binghe was kept staring at him, not moving. Shen Qingqiu couldn’t bring himself to look at the (future) man who sliced his brother to ribbons, who murdered his disciples- including the Shidi Luo Binghe had recommended himself- the man who would end the world after making life miserable for everyone for years prior. Including the poor, countless women sucked in to his harem.

Shen Qingqiu had to steady his breath, calm his thoughts.

Luo Binghe was still there, looking worried.

“Should this Shidi get Shixiong- anything? Anything at all?”

“Please. Just leave me be.”

Luo Binghe slowly made his way to the door, as if expected Shen Qingqiu to call him back any moment. The call never came, and slowly he closed the door behind him. Shen Qingqiu’s senses told him that Luo Binghe lingered outside the cottage still. That was fine. He flicked up multiple wards. At this point, Luo Binghe wouldn’t be able to break through them, so it guaranteed some privacy.

He would allow himself one day, he thought. One day of misery, regret, self-pity. After that, he would face the world, and all the terrible things in it.

After that.

-~-

The SYSTEM contacted him that night. They were having trouble doing this much, since the world wasn’t technically under their purview. They weren’t sure how, but Luo Binghe had managed to restart a world they’d thought more or less completely destroyed.

“It’s impressive, actually. We may have to study how he did it, for use in other failed cases.”

“Other worlds have been destroyed by transmigrators? How irresponsible.”

“Cost of doing business, particularly with humans. So unreliable!”

The long and short of it was that SYSTEM asked Shen Qingqiu to report on any movements of Luo Binghe.

“So this Luo Binghe is reborn. He remembers- before.”

“To the best of our analysts knowledge, yes he does.”

Shen Qingqiu shuddered at the thought the Luo Binghe he remembered in his space. Touching him.

“Are you okay?”

Shen Qingqiu looked dolefully at The SYSTEM’s projection.

“I’ve been better.”

“We’ll do what we can, and according to our research, he shouldn’t be trying to go down the same path as before- so the world should be safe, this time!”

And what about me?!? The Sect?!? But Shen Qingqiu didn’t bother to mention it. ‘Self Aware’ or not, to The SYSTEM, he was so much rogue data, and this world had been written off as destroyed already. They didn’t care about the world even, so why would they care about the people Shen Qingqiu knew and loved?

He was truly alone in this battle. But that was fine. At least this time, he had a chance.

“Does Luo Binghe know that I’m reborn?”

“Negative. We kept your existence very classified, and Luo Binghe hasn’t visited the Transmigration Headquarters since he discovered that you weren’t a transmigrator. Who would have told him?”

There was that, at least.

“Ah, looks like this is all we can do for now. I’ll visit when I can, but be careful, and try not to let Luo Binghe destroy the world again.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Well. It wasn’t great news, but it wasn’t the worst news either. Shen Qingqiu fell asleep, working through plans in his mind. If it truly was the original Luo Binghe, then those wards earlier were mostly pointless. Unless he was trying to lay low? Who could say.

A part of him had hoped that the Luo Binghe he’d seen had truly been the Luo Binghe he’d thought he’d known. But wasn’t it the same Binghe all along? The cute act he’d given Shen Qingqiu had all been a lie, concealing the ravenous wolf underneath.

Part of him would always love his Shidi. But he carefully locked that part away. It had gotten him killed last time, and everyone he’d loved. There wasn’t any space for soft heartedness, for favoritism. Once bitten, twice shy.

-~-

Over the next few days, Shen Qingqiu could hear disciples asking Luo Binghe why Shen Qingqiu was ‘so angry with him’. All he had done was treat Luo Binghe exactly as he treated all the other disciples, now that he was Heir to Qing Jin Peak- kind, but distant. No overt familiarity, no favoritism. Luo Binghe was no longer allowed to follow him everywhere, or pretend to fix his hair, or called on most often for demonstrations.

That didn’t stop Luo Binghe from trying, obviously. Now that he looked, there was a light of desperation in Luo Binghe’s eyes. Shen Qingqiu ignored it. He even refused to open the door to Luo Binghe, and turned away the food he hand-delivered. This time, instead of fretting about being away from Luo Binghe for so long, Shen Qingqiu took his Shizun’s offer of secluded meditation in the caves. He brought his guqin, wanting to practice some of the cultivation songs of power he’d learned from other worlds.

Luo Binghe had seemed devastated when Shen Qingqiu announced his departure the day before he left, and Shen Qingqiu spent a sleepless night, as he sensed Luo Binghe on the roof of his quarters. He left for seclusion bleary-eyed, but relieved. At last, some time away from Binghe.

-~-

Or…perhaps not. A week into his seclusion, and Shen Qingqiu was managing to soothe his heart demons rather well. It helped that he had a Peak Lord’s experience, and had a few tips and tricks from other cultivation masters now, but in the end it was still Shen Qingqiu doing the hard work of it.

He took to playing music, letting the notes vibrate with his Qi as he meditated.

Shen Qingqiu, away from the constant stress off Luo Binghe’s constant presence, was better able to consider the situation. He was also letting go of the guilt of his blindness and what it led to. Helped lead to. In the end, it was Luo Binghe’s decision to continue a storyline that didn’t exist, and it was Luo Binghe’s decision to treat all the people in it as disposable data to his mission.

The fact that he had done exactly what he would have done if Shen Qingqiu truly was a cruel, horrible Peak Lord rather proved the point that nothing Shen Qingqiu had done in the last life would have changed the course. Now that he had a second chance, and some idea of how Luo Binghe worked and his abilities, he could make plans accordingly.

It made his decision not to reveal Luo Binghe’s heritage this time around a good one. Perhaps he wasn’t completely fully grown into himself, but he had more than enough cheats, potions, purchases from the System store, to keep himself alive and wreak havoc with his revenge later. And to tip his hand too soon- how would Luo Binghe react? He had been spreading through the gossip channels that he had reached a bottleneck in his cultivation, and at danger of a Qi deviation, and perhaps had already had a Qi deviation- so on, and so forth. Anything to feed the rumor mill. It let Luo Binghe make up his own reasons why Shen Qingqiu was acting so differently.

He paused in his playing. He wasn’t meditating now so much as spinning himself in circles about Luo Binghe still. What he needed to do was focus, increase his cultivation, and start implementing emergency plans, secret wards and protections, stockpiling goods, and investigating Luo Binghe’s possible allies.

So first things first. He resumed his playing, meditating with strict focus. It had been a while, and he also still wanted to impress his Shizun with his progress. Even now, two lives later, he feared disappointing his Shizun.

-~-

Feeling much better now than he had in a while, Shen Qingqiu made his way back to the rest of the Sect. At the entrance, he practically tripped over the man(demon) of the hour, Luo Binghe.

“Luo Shidi, what are you doing?”

Luo Binghe opened his mouth to answer, face angry, then caught sight of who it was questioning him.

“This- this Shidi was waiting to welcome Shixiong back to the sect. Shixiong was greatly missed!”

Shen Qingqiu sighed.

“Disciple Luo shouldn’t have waited. This Shixiong is perfectly capable of making his way back to the sect, and has done so many times before.”

He watched Luo Binghe wilt under his very eyes in real time. It took all the strength he had not to fall back into similar patterns, immediately comforting his Shidi and patting his head. He forced himself to overlay the image of an older Luo Binghe, smirking as Shen Qingqiu is dragged to the dungeons to starve.

Resolute, he turned away and walked at a faster pace than before. He had a plan now, and he was going to stick to it. The lives of literally everyone on earth depended on it.

Luo Binghe still followed him, leaving enough space for plausible deniability but undoubtedly following Shen Qingqiu all the same. He didn’t look back.

Soon enough, the other Qing Jing disciples caught wind of his return, and flocked to greet him. It took him a while to work his way through the crowd, mindfully not turning Luo Binghe’s direction. He caught a few glimpses from the corner of his eye every so often, as Luo Binghe tried to put himself in Shen Qingqiu’s line of sight. Every time, Shen Qingqiu allowed himself to be turned away as another disciple pulled at his sleeve for attention.

Eventually, his Shizun cut off the celebrations, and handed a mission to Shen Qingqiu.

“It’s a Solo Mission.” Shizun emphasized. “That means going alone. Be cautious, and pack wisely.”

“Of course, this Disciple obeys.”

It wasn’t extremely far away, but more than a day of travel. Shen Qingqiu realized that last time, he had brought Luo Binghe on the mission anyway, at Luo Binghe’s behest. He couldn’t resist those puppy eyes at all back then. He’d inoculated himself much better this time around, now having witnessed the brutality this Shidi of his was capable of.

He set wards around his house before he left and gave strict instructions not to touch it or enter it, and continued to keep his resolve up not to succumb to whatever game Luo Binghe was playing.

The mission went easily as last time, but some memory tugged at him, and he took an alternate route back to the Peak.

Oh, he remembered why now, seeing a very young Ming Fan being pushed into the street by his own older brother. Ming Fan was so much younger- last life, Luo Binghe had been the one to spot him, and suggest that Shen Qingqiu bring him back to Cang Qiong.

Years later, he skewered the same Shidi, leaving him hanging there against the remains of a building that shortly caught fire. Ming Fan had been trying to cover the retreat as Shen Qingqiu directed disciples into hidden escapes, and had been struck down by the very demon-

Shen Qingqiu shook his head, and looked down. His feet had led him where he needed to be, standing over Ming Fan. His poor Shidi sported quite the black eye, and was holding his left wrist. The bully, the oldest son and heir of the Ming family, looked astounded that someone had stopped his favorite game. Shen Qingqiu turned his head towards Ming Fan, and gently picked him up. Ming Fan was- five? Six? He couldn’t remember.

The gaze of the Peak Lord he had been turned towards Ming Fan’s brother, who gulped comically and ran off, hollering at the top of his lungs about being accosted by a demon. Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, and followed the child to their home. Once an adult laid eyes on him, the situation shifted swiftly from running off the peasant who dared upset their precious Heir, to acting quite welcoming and apologizing for the ill behavior of their progeny.

They attempted to parade every son, daughter, cousin, niece, nephew, etc., who ‘might have some cultivation talent’, and continued to ignore the child in Shen Qingqiu’s arms.

At last, Shen Qingqiu managed to free himself from the farce, and walked off with the blessing of the Ming family, and Ming Fan.

“You really came, Shixiong,” he heard as he settled the child into a bed in an inn far away from the Ming Estate.

“You…remember?” He asked quietly. Ming Fan nodded.

“I do. I never thought that he- so cruel. He was so cruel.”

“I have a plan,” Shen Qingqiu said. “And a few backups, just in case.”

“Whatever Shixiong says,” Ming Fan agreed loyally, but fell asleep shortly thereafter. Shen Qingqiu was thankfully suddenly that he hadn’t gone back in time much earlier- reliving a young adult was bad enough, to relive being a child with an adult mind and having to grow up through that? No, thank you. Once was bad enough.

Part of Shen Qingqiu was worried that he had guaranteed Ming Fan’s death by bringing him in to the sect. Knowing this brat, though, he would have figured out a way to join anyway, if he remembered. Although if he changed his mind at any point, Shen Qingqiu would gladly help him disappear. Still, it felt a little less lonely, having someone remember. Who would also be on Shen Qingqiu’s side. Someone he could trust.

Watching Ming Fan’s nose scrunch in sleep, Shen Qingqiu’s heart hardened even more. Whatever Luo Binghe’s plan this time, he would put a stop to it. He had to.

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Chapter Text

-~-

Ming Fan was constantly beset on all side by cooing disciples from all Peaks. While his Cultivation talent didn’t technically legitimize his joining so young, Shen Qingqiu’s Shizun had, somehow, grasped the desperation that overtook Shen Qingqiu at the thought of being denied.

“If Disciple Shen requires it, this Master is not so feeble yet, to be unable to bear a burden.”

Shen Qingqiu shook his head, and with one last, long look, was dismissed.

His Shizun had made an attempt to rescue him, he heard. To think that after ascending, his Shizun would care-

Well, it was more likely the Luo Binghe’s plan to merge the realms caught the eye and an investigation was started that included his Shizun.

Whatever happened, it ended in failure.

Shen Qingqiu firmly blocked out a memory – the sound of Shizun’s favorite jade token hitting the ground before him, before being swept off the platform into the acid by a gleeful Demon Lieutenant.

If Luo Binghe truly resented Shen Qingqiu so much, then Shen Qingqiu would let him have his revenge. Using his increased ability as Head Disciple to take long-term solo missions, Shen Qingqiu worked to create his back-up plans for himself- and Ming Fan. Just in case.

There were ways to transfer the soul at the point of death, and he carefully cultivated Plant Bodies for the both of them, gradually stockpiling supplies. Just in case. He would make himself the target of Luo Binghe’s wrath, be killed by him, and then be able to start-over with a new face to work behind the scenes to make sure any of Binghe’s World Ending Plots failed.

Of course, that was if worse came to worst. Carefully, he also began working on wards that focused on keeping out all demonic activity. And wards that focused on keeping out one Half-Demon’s qi signature in particular. He dug deep into the records, and pulled out journals and paperwork from times when Cang Qiong was actively at war, the preparations they made, what worked and didn’t, and the plans they had to keep the Disciples safe.

This would have been much easier going if Luo Binghe wasn’t constantly at his elbow, trying to worm his way back into Shen Qingqiu’s good graces. Everywhere he turned, Luo Binghe was Right There. Always.

He’d taken to wearing the ribbon Shen Qingqiu had gotten for him- well, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t remember exactly, now. The first time around, Luo Binghe had worn it for a while before moving on to something else. Now, it was always in his air, and usually the only thing in his hair too. He’d taken to leaving Shen Qingqiu food on his doorstep, and ambushing him with snacks at all times of the day.

Shen Qingqiu would ignore the meals, but it was harder to refuse the snacks. At that point, he would end up sharing them with other Disciples passing by.

With the exception of the sweets Luo Binghe had made on his own birthday to share with Shen Qingqiu- young Shen Yuan had promised to never let Luo Binghe celebrate his birthday alone again, and had even chosen the date. This much- well, it didn’t do any favors to be needlessly cruel to Luo Binghe (it could even be detrimental), and so Shen Qingqiu put aside his tasks for most of the day and let Luo Binghe sit at his side and listen as he practiced his guqin, and even gave him a small pouch full of protective talismans for Luo Binghe’s upcoming journey.

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but wonder if the time away, in their first lives, had been what gave Luo Binghe the strength to do- what he did, later. So maybe, perhaps, he snuck in a way to track Luo Binghe, and record any significant Qi signatures. If Shen Qingqiu could nail down Luo Binghe’s allies, he could work to strip them away from Luo Binghe. ‘Neutral’ was much better than ‘Enemy’, he thought. ‘Dead’ was also better still. An option, depending. Not one he would have considered before, despising pointless killing regardless of birth.

A lot of things were different before.

`~`~`~

Shen Qingqiu spent the next few weeks in peace, and made the most of his time without Luo Binghe in the sect boundaries. The trick was- actually, there were several tricks.

First, he had to work with Wards that were practically sentient. Second, he had to make it so that the wards against Luo Binghe’s heritage and Qi signature didn’t activate the moment he set them up. Lastly, he had to do it without anyone (outside of Ming Fan) knowing.

Practically impossible, but an impossibility he was willing to tackle.

His Shizun still gave him worried looks, but had taken Shen Qingqiu’s change in personality and extreme work ethic in stride. He felt a bit bad, using Shizun’s trust in him like this, but it was better, in the end.

He knew in his heart that a silly thing like plausible deniability hadn’t stopped Luo Binghe the first time. Mere association was enough. Still, he just couldn’t burden his Shizun with this. If everything went well, then so much the better. If he was doomed to fail again, at least his Shizun had a few years of happiness.

Shen Qingqiu was working on paperwork later than he would like to admit when he felt a presence in the room. The hair on his neck stood up, and he turned slowly. He knew who he would see.

“May this Shixiong ask what Disciple Luo is doing here after hours?”

Luo Binghe didn’t respond like the heart-eyed disciple he’d been pretending to be. He seemed older, taller, and desperate. Like a lean wolf, sizing up prey.

Shen Qingqiu subtly repositioned to better defend himself.

Luo Binghe stepped closer, and closer.

There was a desperate, obsessed look in his eyes. As though all he could see was his goal, and everything else was insignificant. Shen Qingqiu didn’t recall any missions that would take Luo Binghe near aphrodisiac plants, although one could never truly tell in this world. He thought longingly of cultivation worlds that boasted of no such plants, then pulled himself back to his potentially imminent demise.

“Disciple Luo, what are you doing?”

Luo Binghe stood directly in front of Shen Qingqiu, hands hanging by his sides, trembling.

“I’m sorry, Shixiong. I’m so sorry. This shidi-“ Words seemed to fail Luo Binghe here, and instead he drew in short, ragged breaths.

“If Disciple Luo is unwell, this Shixiong will gladly summon medical assistance.”

“Nothing they have can help me,” Luo Binghe muttered, kneeling (almost falling) down- their robes brushed.

Shen Qingqiu didn’t move, unsure what to do. Luo Binghe leaned forward, desperately grasped at his sleeves.

“Just a little bit. Please, just a little bit.”

Shen Qingqiu tentatively rested a hand on Luo Binghe’s head. He seemed to shudder in relief.

Ah, seemed to go Shen Qingqiu’s heart, I still haven’t carved him out completely. He sighed aloud, simply waiting.

Luo Binghe knelt and wept for quite a while.

“Shixiong, shixiong, you must know- it’s always been you in my heart.”

This cut at Shen Qingqiu’s heart, and brought him back to his senses. That was patently untrue. After his death, before it even, Luo Binghe had swept many maidens off their feet. Before the story ended, dozens and dozens of ladies filled his harem, and the story itself would frequently- well, let’s just say that Shen Qingqiu did have to skip quite a few scenes.

He and Luo Binghe had been…intimate, once. Shen Qingqiu had been injured on a mission, and Luo Binghe had been- actually concerned. Even back then, Shen Qingqiu knew that most of Luo Binghe’s mannerisms around him were an act. He hadn’t minded, hoping that perhaps one day Luo Binghe would be honest with him. That Shen Qingqiu would be able to gain his trust. He’d been a blind fool. He’d ignored it back then, but the morning…after…he’d caught up with Luo Binghe, who was flirting with the (obnoxiously pretty) young maiden who lived close to the inn they’d stayed at.

It was one of the very few times he’d been able to treat Luo Binghe coldly. Even if he regretted their coupling, there was a limit. Luo Binghe had noticed his behavior, and- well. He hadn’t apologized, but he’d smiled and made Shen Qingqiu his favorite dish and bought him a lovely new fan, and didn’t flirt (in front of him) for the rest of the trip. And thus, Luo Binghe was forgiven for even that.

Ah, he was a fool back then. Now with the power of hindsight, and quite a bit of knowledge from other worlds, he could admit to himself that Luo Binghe had never loved Shen Qingqiu. He’d been a tool, a way to get what he wanted, and then later a stepping stone. Easily tossed aside and destroyed when it wasn’t needed anymore.

So the sheer gall of Luo Binghe to say that now, that it was always Shen Qingqiu-

“Ha!” He hadn’t meant to say anything.

Luo Binghe looked sharply up, and examined his face. “Shixiong?”

“Never mind, Disciple Luo. It is late. Please return to your quarters-“

“Shixiong, do you remember?” Luo Binghe had always been too keen-sighted. The silly, naïve Shen Qingqiu of before would have been over the moon at such a declaration. Now, Shen Qingqiu cursed in his heart and tried to cover his slip.

“What should this Shixiong remember?” He kept his face as straight as possible, but it was no use. He’d never been able to lie to Luo Binghe before. He was fairly certain, actually, that it was a cheat from his System.

“You do.” Binghe finally released his sleeves, and Shen Qingqiu quickly created distance between them.

“You really do, you remember. I thought- perhaps it would happen, but- oh.”

Well. If the animals had already escaped the pen.

“I do. Everything. And I am not eager to relive it all again, so if Disciple Luo could please-“

“You must know, Shixiong, please listen! I didn’t realize, I’m so sorry!” As he watched, Binghe’s forehead met the ground. “Shixiong must realize that this foolish Shidi- ah, it’s hard to explain, but please believe me, this world-“

“Is one of billions run by The SYSTEM. Yes, I know. It’s why I remember my last life, when you killed me. I ended up in the System Headquarters, and watched you kill everyone and then destroy the world because you couldn’t be bothered to realize something was off with the story. And instead of applying the intelligence you’re supposedly known for and making adjustments, you followed along a mission that was no longer necessary. What wrong did I do to you? What wrong did Cang Qiong do? Ming Fan, whom you chose and trained yourself, skewered, trying to give the youngest Disciples enough time to escape the invasion. Myself, imprisoned on false charges, beaten, mocked, starved, then poisoned. If that is your love, Luo Binghe, I do not need it.”

Shen Yuan was carved from stone, and watched Luo Binghe shudder.

“You- watched me?”

“I watched you destroy the world, yes. Countless women, riches and splendor- and even that wasn’t enough.” Shen Qingqiu sneered. “You Transmigrators truly have it made! No need to bother with the locals, they’re just strings of data! Don’t worry when they prove themselves more than just a character, we’ll burn the world to ashes anyway!”

“Shixiong, please, I didn’t mean to-“

“Didn’t mean to what? Destroy the world? Or become obsessed with a mere NPC?”

“I thought- I thought Shixiong was a Transmigrator.”

“What.” Shen Qingqiu took his information like a hit to the chest, barely understanding Luo Binghe’s next sentences.

“It’s true! I believed that Shixiong was another Transmigrator, and that would explain the differences. I thought I could end your suffering, quickly, and meet you at the System’s Space. I didn’t know you were a native to this world!”

Shen Qingqiu felt a puzzle piece finally click in to place.

“Ah. And you wouldn’t have bothered, otherwise.”

“Shixiong?”

“You would have tortured me to death, like in the original story, if you’d known I wasn’t a Transmigrator.”

Luo Binghe paled dramatically.

“No! Shixiong-“

“Or you wouldn’t have bothered to treat me nicely ever, at all, if you’d known I wasn’t a Transmigrator.”

“No, please, Shixiong, it wasn’t- I didn’t mean it like that. I did fall in love with you. How couldn’t I? I meant, I wouldn’t have hurt you like that ever, at all, if I’d known.”

Shen Qingqiu stood in silence, thoughts churning and churning around and around.

“Just me, you wouldn’t have hurt? And what, you would have held me captive while you burned Cang Qiong to the ground still? No thank you, Luo Binghe, I do not want that kind of love.”

Luo Binghe slumped against the table for a moment.

“Don’t tell me you would have departed that much from the story last time. Even now, it’s really only me, isn’t it? The sole exception to your disdain for our world’s existence. Does it make you feel superior, walking around like a god among mortals, laughing at us behind our backs for not being as enlightened as you? For not knowing our world was a story written before time began, here?”

Shen Qingqiu took a step closer, anger tensing his shoulders.

“What difference does it make to our existence, whether our world was begun by the gods we know or gods we don’t? Isn’t it the same for every world? What if all of existence that we know- you, The SYSTEM, all of it- is just a story somewhere else, written and rewritten at the whims of another? What if that writer is part of a System there, and has been encoded with this story? What then? Should I live as you do, ignoring everyone and everything less knowing, less powerful? Should I run screaming into the streets that this world is the whim of an entity they don’t even know the name of? I ask again, what difference does it make? At least here I know I am real, and belong to this world. What about you, Luo Binghe? What does being a Transmigrator give you, outside of your arrogance and cruelty?”

Luo Binghe made no reply, simply staring up at Shen Qingqiu. His face held something like regret. It wasn’t enough.

“My sincerest wish is to keep this world safe from you, Luo Binghe. To watch my disciples fully grow into themselves, this time. To finish writing my bestiary compendium. To see the Diamond Waterfalls at the Summer and Winter Solstices. You? I wish you wouldn’t bother me again.”

Luo Binghe reeled back as if struck. Shen Qingqiu ruthlessly crushed the part of him that longed to comfort him. Why did he fall in love with a monster? Was his vision truly that bad in his last life?

“This- I am- I will make it up to you. Anything you want in this life, I will give it to you.”

“Everything I had in my last life, I had from my own hard work. I don’t need Luo Binghe to give me anything. I just need him not to destroy everything.”

“I won’t, this time. I really won’t.”

“Good.”

Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu stared at each other, the candle burning low. Finally, Luo Binghe stood.

“Shixiong should rest now, it is late.” He said these words like a man condemned, a situation Shen Yuan was thoroughly familiar with. He bowed low, mocking.

“Luo Shidi should rest as well, his trip was long.”

Shen Qingqiu watched Luo Binghe stagger down the path, then slumped into his own bed.

It could have gone worse.

He also recognized that Luo Binghe had never promised to leave him be and not bother him again. But it wasn’t something he truly thought he could accomplish overnight, and so he counted enough progress today.

Not that he was willing to completely take Luo Binghe at his word, but he’d also seen a Luo Binghe more genuine and honest just now than he’d ever hoped to see, last time around.

So much to think about, and still so much left to do…

This fic has been converted for free using AOYeet!

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu had managed to dodge meeting with the other Head Disciples, but knew he would have to face them all again sooner than later. That didn’t mean he felt prepared for it at all, seeing the childish faces of the people who were all slaughtered. Many fell in the first moments of the attack. Others fell attempting to guide their disciples to safety, or buy time. One or two escaped for a while, trying desperately to protect whoever remained of the sect, before they too were slaughtered and left to rot.

Luo Binghe had taken a few of their heads to display in his court. Shen Yuan remembered a scene where in his rage, he’d taken one of the heads and thrown it at an offending courtier, whereupon it was kicked around. What happened to it after that, the narrative didn’t say, and Shen Qingqiu hadn’t had the strength to force himself to find out. He didn’t even know whose head it was.

He took deep breaths to center himself, and pulled out his fan. He knew his martial siblings liked to mock him for it, thinking it dramatic and silly on such a young man, so he’d normally avoid using it in the meeting. But he didn’t think he could make it through today without some sort of aid.

And what did he care, truly, if they thought it silly? Inside, Shen Qingqiu was an immortal master, Head of Qing Jing Peak, and his ego could take a bit of light-hearted teasing from his martial siblings, surely. Seeing them mischievous and happy would be good too, he thought, to distract him from how despairing and pained they were last time he saw any of them alive.

“You- Are you well?”

He jolted. Ah. He’d been standing outside until it was almost time to start. He turned, and saw Liu Qingge. This awkward shidi of his. So gruff, and blunt, but usually well-intentioned. So dedicated. So quick to die-

No.

“Apologies, Liu-shidi, I was lost in thought.”

Liu Qingge studied him, and huffed.

“If you say so. We’re almost late.”

He turned and marched inside, then stopped just inside the door, and turned. He was waiting for Shen Qingqiu. This awkward, precious shidi of his. So caring in the most sideways of ways.

The meeting- was easy and also, very difficult. There was some teasing, as he’d expected, when his fan made an appearance, and particularly when it stayed, but Liu Qingge took to glaring if anyone seemed to be poking too much fun.

Once it ended, Shen Qingqiu turned to Liu Qingge, who focused his full attention on Shen Qingqiu in return.

“Thank you, Liu-shidi.”

Bearing the full weight of Liu Qingge’s gaze was no small feat. He was very beautiful, first off, which almost always put people at a disadvantage. His focus was sharp, and nearly physical. It could make one feel hunted, if too weak-willed. Shen Qingqiu had, however, watched Liu Qingge grow from an awkward kitten into the fearsome tiger he was now, and couldn’t help but recall a time when (although fierce), his face was simply too cute to be truly intimidating.

“Come with me.”

This was the only warning Shen Qingqiu received before he was half-dragged out of the meeting. His martial siblings waved goodbye, somehow communicating ‘better you than me’ with the gesture.

“Liu-shidi, what are you doing?”

“Follow me.”

Ah, his dear, blunt shidi. Still, as firm as his grip was, Liu Qingge didn’t hurt him, or tear his robes, or so much as wrinkle his fan.

Despite his brash nature, Liu Qingge always took care of Shen Qingqiu. It had been funny, when they were younger, and Liu Qingge younger still, shorter than Shen Yuan but still determined to protect him.

It hadn’t been so funny, when-

No. Shen Qingqiu pushed that thought away. Liu Qingge had halted, waiting for Shen Qingqiu to catch up.

“Apologies, shidi. This shixiong was lost in thought.” He moved to open his fan, cover the weakness in the corners of his mouth, but Liu Qingge caught his wrist. Still careful.

“You- that, is, you…”

Ah, his poor Liu-shidi, words did not come to him as easily as they did others. Still, Shen Qingqiu understood his meaning.

“I’m quite alright, shidi. You must forgive me, I’ve spent too much time on a puzzle I can’t quite solve, and it’s causing me grief. You know how it is.”

Liu Qingge scowled at him.

“Liar.”

Shen Qingqiu carefully gave no outward sign.

“You- I can help. Whatever it is,” Liu Qingge said. Ah, if only that was true. In another world, where Luo Binghe wasn’t chosen by forces beyond their world, perhaps Liu Qingge could help. Here, there were no guarantees whatsoever. But- ah.

Liu Qingge’s eyes narrowed as Shen Qingqiu had his moment of revelation. Or just slight personal understanding.

“Liu Qingge.”

“Shen Qingqiu.”

He smiled at their familiar banter.

“Ah, Liu Qingge. If I said that I was concerned at evidence of a potential disaster that could shake the foundations of the world itself, and that I was trying to prevent it if possible, and mitigate it if not. If I said that, but also could not share with you the proof, and only ask you to take it on trust. Could you do such a thing?”

Liu Qingge scowled.

“Of course!” He sounded almost offended.

“Ah, shidi-“

“Shen Qingqiu. You are- lazy.”

“Pardon?”

“No one can say you aren’t responsible. But you certainly wouldn’t take on a problem you thought could be fixed without your intervening. You wouldn’t worry about it for so long. You wouldn’t act- like this,” and here he just gestured at Shen Qingqiu, “if you thought there was an easy solution. So.”

“Just like that?”

“Just so.”

Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help himself- Liu Qingge was cutest when he was being serious, and compared to when Shen Qingqiu last saw him, pretty young still. Shen Qingqiu grasped his hand, then pulled him in suddenly to pat his head.

“Thanking shidi for his help.”

“Shen Qingqiu!”

Laughing, he released Liu Qingge, whose blush was fiercer than his scowl.

“Ah, shidi is so good. For now, please just- prepare yourself. Keep it quiet. I’m working on plans, defenses, stockpiling as needed, and will ask you to aid me in preparations down the line. Join me on some missions. And please, mention it to no one. Only you, myself, and Ming Fan are aware of it.”

“The brat you brought back?”

“It was an accident,” Shen Qingqiu said, telling the truth. Sort of. He hadn’t had a hand in Ming Fan remembering, after all.

“Fine. Anything else?”

Shen Qingqiu thought. He couldn’t set Liu Qingge on Luo Binghe. He didn’t want to tip Luo Binghe off.

“Not at the moment. I will communicate with you within the week.”

“Understood.” Liu Qingge moved to fly off, then turned. “Shen Qingqiu, take care of yourself. People are- worried.”

And with that, he sped off. Shen Qingqiu sighed. Goodness, what a demanding shidi. But he should have realized that others would notice his odd behavior. Even if they didn’t see him, just him avoiding them could have tipped them off, or goodness knows his shizun was an incurable gossip, and spent far too much time on other peaks ‘visiting’ and ‘sharing advice’.

“You let him touch you?” Came a low, tense voice.

Ah. He’d let his guard down. His fan flew up to cover his face.

“You chose to touch him, yourself?”

Shen Qingqiu turned. Luo Binghe was there.

“What I choose is no concern of yours. Who I touch, and if I touch, not your business.”

Luo Binghe’s face held the sort of calm that was tightly held down by threads, a mere pretense. Even as part of him raged against it, Shen Qingqiu had to reign in his own- everything.

“Why him?”

“Liu Qingge has never once hurt me, in this life or the last,” Shen Qingqiu replied smoothly. He held back his (instinctive, even still) reaction at the way Luo Binghe reacted to this dagger. Liu-shidi’s life was in the balance, here. “He was only concerned about me. This is more or less how he treats his sister as well, his concern is rather- awkward, and not generally considered polite by anyone.”

“So shixiong is not- being courted by Liu Qingge?”

“That’s your concern?” Again, he had to control his rage, and bite down the first three or four responses to something less inflammatory. “No. Not now, not in the past, and no plans to in the future.”

Which was true enough, although if he did, for some reason, have to get married, Liu Qingge would be a good choice. Still, not an idea he was spending time on. Luo Binghe- he had been the only person, ever, to elicit any romantic or, um, lewder, feelings from him. Ah, there were plenty of beautiful people to look at in the world, but only for Binghe- drat, for Luo Binghe, had he ever wanted more than to look. Only with Luo Binghe had he ever done more than look.

And now, here they were. If only his foolish heart had been a little bit wiser. If only Luo Binghe- well. If wishes were horses and all that.

Luo Binghe’s eyes were dark. Shen Qingqiu waited for his response, and none came. He brought out his sword to leave.

“Would you ever possibly consider- my courtship?”

Electric shock coursed through his body, and he lost control of his sword, fortunately before he was standing on it.

“What.”

“Please.” Shen Qingqiu heard the sound of a body hitting the ground, and turned. Luo Binghe was kneeling, his hands out, beseeching.

“I know my faults. This unworthy shidi cannot ever undo the harm he wrought upon his shixiong, but still- Shixiong loved me once, I know he did. This stupid, foolish shidi did not treasure it as he ought to have, and continued to play his role, never understanding the hurt he bestowed upon the one who deserved it the least.”

Luo Binghe was crying. Even in this moment, he was the most beautiful person Shen Qingqiu had ever seen, and it made him sick.

“If Shen Qingqiu could please forgive this one once more, this one would spend the rest of their existence making it up to him. If Shen Qingqiu says ‘East’, then West would not even exist.” Luo Binghe paused, and took a deep breath. “So please, Shen Qingqiu. Please. This one cannot live without you.”

Shen Qingqiu had no words. Luo Binghe bowed low, waiting.

Shen Qingqiu left.

Chapter Text

Since that day, when Luo Binghe for some reason thought Shen Qingqiu could ever consider courtship with him, after everything!

Breathe, he reminded himself.

Ahem.

After that day, Luo Binghe had remained- out of sight, at least. He had taken to stalking from a distance. It was not ideal, still, but it was much better than Shen Qingqiu truly hoped for. The distance allowed his poor nerves a chance to half-settle, and some days he could even pretend that Luo Binghe wasn’t following him.

This also gave him the chance to push forward some of his preparations, with and without Liu-shidi. He’d remembered a certain plant that could be used to create a safeguard- a body for the soul to flee to if the worst came. So he’d ensured Luo Binghe was assigned on a mission in the opposite direction, then taken himself and Ming Fan and found the- hmm, mushroom. Not very elegant, was it?

Of course, this required more than one trip. It wasn’t easy to find a well-hidden spot. And of course, the distance from Luo Binghe had sort of soothed his instincts. Eventually, this all added together to conspire against Shen Qingqiu, who sensed the presence too late- Luo Binghe was in the clearing.

“What are you doing?”

Keen eyes examined the plants Shen Qingqiu and Ming Fan had just been tending to, and his face darkened. Ming Fan attempted to stand in front of Shen Qingqiu, who firmly pulled him back behind him. Dying for him once was more than enough.

“Are those what I think those are.”

It clearly wasn’t a question, but Shen Qingqiu didn’t answer either way. Trust such an OP, Fate From the Heavens type character to know at a glance.

“Are you going to just disappear on me? Fake your death and run away?”

Demonic energy filled the clearing, and the plants began to burn at the edges, withering away. Ming Fan redoubled his efforts to stand in front of Shen Qingqiu, who clutched at him even harder in turn, free hand on his sword hilt.

“It depends on whether I need to or not,” Shen Qingqiu replied, despairing inside at the amount of work that was just burned away in an instant of one asshole’s temper tantrum.

Luo Binghe’s energy abruptly dissipated, letting Shen Qingqiu take in a full breath of air. Luo Binghe noticed and seemed a touch remorseful now, and knelt, just out of arms reach.

“You won’t. Shixiong, you won’t need to. I swear it.” His eyes darkened again. It looked a little like madness on him, and the demon mark glowed anew. “But you can’t just leave. Even if I knew it was fake, I couldn’t stand to watch Shen Qingqiu die. It would truly- you can’t. You just can’t.”

Shen Qingqiu believed him. Luo Binghe seemed balanced on a knife’s edge.

“Then he’ll die where you can’t see,” Ming Fan ever-so-helpfully piped up from behind Shen Qingqiu’s legs. He was still peeking around said legs to see, and Luo Binghe glowered at him fiercely. This good Shidi of his gets killed once, and now he doesn’t fear death again? This child, honestly! Time and place!

He firmly pushed away the thought that last time, that was exactly how he died.

“What voice does Luo-Shidi have in this, anyway? Is it not out of fear of you and your actions in the future that we’re doing this? Doing what little we can to protect ourselves?”

Luo Binghe again deflated at Shen Qingqiu’s words, his eyes fixed on how Shen Qingqiu's hands were preoccupied with keeping Ming Fan back. Something in his demeanor changed, and his face rearranged itself. It was a look Shen Qingqiu had rarely seen before- honest grief.

“Shixiong…can’t trust me. But this Shidi will prove himself. Shixiong and Ming Shidi won’t have to fear for their lives again. What happened before will not be repeated.”

Luo Binghe took out a knife, and Shen Qingqiu drew out his sword. Steadily, Luo Binghe cut his palm, and used the blood to draw-

“The Heavenly Blood Oath?”

Shen Qingqiu recognized it only from diagrams. If Luo Binghe was serious enough to take it- but what if he had a cheat that would let him survive? But he still had to follow the rules of the world he was in, right? Even within the bounds of his system-given cheats and abilities, there was a limit to keep the borders of the world’s reality intact.

Head spinning with possibilities, he pulled Ming Fan further away from the splash zone, just in case. The child who didn’t even hit Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder yet was still trying to stand in front.

“I, Luo Binghe, swear before the Heavenly Court, that I will not ever harm Shen Qingqiu or Ming Fan. I will not harm the Cang Qiong Sect or its disciples without just cause, or seek out anything to their detriment, and will instead protect Shen Qingqiu and Ming Fan with my life. If I fail, let my blood boil from inside of me, turn to knives in my very veins, and be judged for my failure before Heaven.”

There was a pause, and Shen Qingqiu wondered idly if the vows of half-demons (Heavenly Demons, nonetheless) were ignored. Or perhaps transmigrators?

Then, lightning flashed- Heaven had heard, and accepted. Shen Qingqiu’s hand lost strength, but Ming Fan didn’t move, shell-shocked himself.

Luo Binghe stood, hands open, palms up. Beseeching.

“I know- Shixiong cannot simply trust this Shidi. But this Shidi will continue to work to earn back Shen Shixiong’s trust. What Shen Shixiong says is to be protected will be protected. What Shen Shixiong says must die will die. This Shidi was unfaithful before, and blind, and selfish. Let this Shidi correct his mistakes.”

Luo Binghe bowed deeply, and left them in the clearing.

“I think there’s still a seed left,” Ming Fan said. Shen Qingqiu cleared his throat.

“Then go ahead and imprint on it. Ah, no protests! Luo Binghe will let you escape. I- do not think he will let me escape.”

Ming Fan grumbled, and didn’t want to do it, but Shen Qingqiu insisted.

“I’m not saying you must abandon me,” although he wasn’t about to get his Shidi killed a second time and then summon him back to his side, “but being logical, we both know it’s best if you have a back-up.”

After they restarted the process, they slowly wound their way back to the village. Luo Binghe was waiting there for them, but did not speak to either, and kept a semi-respectable distance between the.

Shen Qingqiu was still hyperaware of his presence.

Ming Fan was practically walking on the heels of Shen Qingqiu’s boots, at his elbow, and it had taken a great deal of awareness not to accidentally plant said elbow in Ming Fan’s eye. After the third time, he’d scolded his Shidi  (half-heartedly, seeing the face Ming Fan made) and sighed deeply, before sending his Shidi to fetch dinner. Luo Binghe looked longingly after them, but did not invite himself, or attempt to replace the food with anything he’d made himself (as he’d attempted before).

Ming Fan had collapsed into bed shortly afterwards, disgruntled at how unused his body was anymore, compared to the level of cultivation he’d had- before. Shen Qingqiu smiled to himself as he heard Ming Fan fall into the snores the child swore everyone made up about him. He double-checked the wards they’d set up, and dithered for a while with some busywork before finally attempting to sleep.

His mind turned in circles. Shen Qingqiu passed a long night, trying and failing to discern his feelings on the matter. Luo Binghe seemed sincere enough, but how was he supposed to trust that, ever? Luo Binghe the Transmigrator was considered one of their best, being very good at manipulating people to achieve his goal. He’d done it quite well last life, to the point that Shen Qingqiu knew he was being manipulated, and didn’t care. He’d loved Luo Binghe that much.

On the other hand…there was no reason for Luo Binghe to be performing. Not a good reason, at least.

It didn’t mean he was wholly sincere, though. Although this was quite a bit of work to go through, for a performance. The point Shen Qingqiu kept sticking on was that Luo Binghe had always gotten his way before, and in this, Shen Qingqiu had managed to ‘Defeat’ him by not being a Transmigrator. Luo Binghe had ‘failed’ in his self-appointed mission to- what, love Shen Qingqiu properly?

There was still the point in the end that told Shen Qingqiu that Luo Binghe wouldn’t have bothered if he’d thought he was falling in love with an NPC. Although he came back. Although it could just be for his pride.

The cost of Luo Binghe’s gambling was his hurt feelings.

Shen Qingqiu was gambling with the lives of the whole world.

He’d made an initial gamble not to expose Luo Binghe as a Half-Demon, and it had worked out only because it was the fully grown, more or less fully powered Luo Binghe who could have caused quite a lot of damage. Possibly, he could have simply stopped the world he’d restarted-

He could have restarted the world, if Shen Qingqiu had ruined his plans to stay in the Sect so soon, like it was a Video Game.

He felt nauseous, and took a few deep breaths to calm himself. It hadn’t happened, and Luo Binghe was somewhat respecting Shen Qingqiu’s wishes. Sort of. About the really big things, at least.

He’d made an oath earlier, hadn’t he? Why couldn’t he just- just trust it, and go on about his life as normal?

He worried the thought between his mind-teeth for a while, feeling tears of exhausted frustration building up. Some weary, animal part of him that still loved who he’d thought his Binghe was wanted to throw himself at him, take him at his word, and never worry about a thing again. The part of him that had learned better flinched away at the idea, the very thought of simply- simply giving up all his protections and plans making his hands tremble.

It came down to the fact that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t trust Luo Binghe, because he’d spent a lifetime being manipulated and lied to. He’d given all he’d had to this Shidi, and lost more than he’d known he had to lose.

So much more.

And then- well. Even now, Luo Binghe continued to insert himself despite Shen Qingqiu’s best efforts. Even now, Luo Binghe acted as though he alone had claim to Shen Qingqiu. Even now, if Shen Qingqiu wanted to start a relationship with, say, Liu Qingge, he didn’t trust that Luo Binghe wouldn’t find a way around his oath, or even act despite it and take the consequence.

He weighed everything in the balance, and couldn’t bring himself to- forgive Luo Binghe. For the actions Luo Binghe had taken at the very end against him personally, perhaps. He could recognize that Luo Binghe was…trying.

But not for the loss of his brother, his Disciples, or his Sect. He wasn’t sure he could forgive Luo Binghe for the destruction of his world itself, if it came down to that. Shen Qingqiu just wasn’t sure that one was truly his to carry, and everything else was heavy enough on its own.

He'd been living with the knowledge for a few years now, (or however time worked in the System space)and it still weighed on him.

Luo Binghe’s presence stood just outside their room. Whether he was waiting or simply watching, Shen Qingqiu couldn’t tell. It did make it harder to sleep, though.

Eventually, he managed it, his overburdened mind simply falling away.