Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sydney could tell Carm was about to crash hard at the end of service that night. He seemed bone tired beyond his usual, and was painfully quiet on the way home. She had sent him into the office halfway through cleanup, feeling the heat of a fever beginning as they brushed hands.

They trudge through their post-service rituals, shower, pitiful leftover meal and collapsing into bed. Carm barely eats anything mumbling something about not being hungry and Syd tries to keep away the pitying look on her face. She knows what's coming even if he hasn't realized it yet.

They fall into bed, and he's out immediately, so she gently checks for a fever in all the usual places. Forehead, back and his burning cheeks. She probably should have persuaded him to take something before they fell asleep. A fever reducer to tamp down the inferno engulfing his body.

But sleep is probably just as healing as a dose of medicine so she lays a damp washcloth on his forehead and prepares to fight with a feverish Carmy in the morning.

She wakes up before him thankfully, turning off his alarms to let him sleep. Sydney gently touches his forehead and feels exactly the dry heat she was expecting. He's fighting off something and currently losing if the shivers jolting his body are any indication.

Pulling up the covers over his body, she sighs before closing the door. He will be fine she's sure of it, but it’s more about the half-baked fight they'll have when he wakes up.

They both know he can't go into the restuarant like this, but that won't stop him from trying.

Sydney makes some breakfast for herself also preparing a tray for Carmy. Feeding him will be a fight, but she's been here before. They seem to go in shifts of exhaustion sickness which is helpful.

Sydney likes to think she handles it better than he does, but unfortunately their dangerous levels of ambition are as complimentary as their inability to rest when sick.

He hasn't awoken when Syd returns, so she stands next to the bed having laid the tray at the foot of her side of the bed. She touches his shoulder with a gentle shake, feeling the heat radiating off of him. Syd silently reminds herself to get his temp while he's awake.

Carmy comes to slowly, blinking against the sun. There's a vacancy behind his eyes that she recognizes all too well. He's definitely out of commission and it twists in her stomach that he definitely won't fight her. It's hard to see him so vulnerable, but she puts it aside for the moment, makes a mental note to discuss it in her next therapy session and refocuses on Carmy.

"Carm, I called us out of the restauarant. I have some breakfast for you if you want it?" He seems to turn slightly green at the thought of food but nods as if he'll give it a shot. She retrieves the tray and positions it carefully as he sits upright enough to eat.

After he's situated she dips into their bathroom to find the thermometer. Standing in front of the cabinet for a moment she remembers where it got stashed and retrieves it.

Syd again stands next to the bed and swipes it across his forehead, silently grateful Nat suggested it, knowing how often Carmy gets sick.

It immediately beeps with a 101 fever. Syd gives Carmy's forehead a gentle kiss, doubting he's contagious and setting the thermometer on his bedside table.

Walking around the bed to her nightstand she retrieves the small bottle of ibuprofen she keeps in there. Syd shakes out the proper dose and hands it to Carmy also lifting the glass of electrolytes from the tray.

Those blue eyes are deadly even when vacant and half-lidded. Carmy has thoroughly picked at the breakfast and takes the meds from her hand without question.

After he swallows she takes the tray back into the kitchen, stroking his hair with a whispered, "go back to sleep."

Relishing this time with him, she decides to catch up on emails in bed instead of puttering around the house. The utter stillness with which Carmy sleeps is more than a little jarring. Seeing him not wracked by nightmares is not a frequent sight.

After getting some things for soup delivered care of Nat, Syd gets started on some soup, Nat worries over them both and Syd lets her stay while she makes the soup.

At some point before the soup is done, Carmy wanders into the kitchen looking like death warmed over. Immediately Sydney and Nat fuss over him and Carmy is too out of it to even protest. Nat leads him over the couch, laying the blanket across his shivering shoulders.

He mutters a thanks and she smoothes the hair off of his forehead.

Nat lightly kisses his forehead making sure the blanket is wrapped around him. Her and Syd exchange a few whispered words and concerned glances.

Carmy's gaze is still entirely vaccant. Suddenly he stands to go to the bathroom and falls heavily back into the cushions. Nat and Syd immediately spring into action, knowing that the vertigo phase of this illness has settled in.

After being satisfied that the only thing bruised in his sudden descent was his pride, Sydney takes his weight onto herself and leads him to the bathroom.

Nat spots them from the living room, but Sydney waves her off behind Carmy. He's speaking disjointedly and Syd murmurs back to him what is almost definitely nonsense.

Sydney hovers close to the door, giving Carmy his privacy against what feels like her better judgement. She decides to dump him back on the bed instead of the living room, his vertigo more easily dealt with when he can lay slightly elevated more easily.

Nat comes to help swing Carmy's bodyweight up onto the bed. He's more or less dead weight at this point and barely clinging to consciousness. If they hadn't been through this before Sydney would be terrified.

As it is her body still vibrates with anxiety. It’s easier to hide when Carmy's not really lucid, but she knows she has to pull it together again before he comes out of this.

Nat and Syd get him settled with just enough elevation with pillows for him to feel a little bit less like he's in a carnival funhouse. Syd tucks the blankets around his eerily still form and drapes a wet washcloth across his forehead. The first time this happened Sydney practically called an ambulance before bullying Richie to help get Carmy into the car to go the ER.

Several excruciating hours later, Carmy is prescribed several days bedrest an upping of his meds and some zofran to make everything even a little more bearable. Sydney sobs in the shower that night, feeling so helpless and awful that she didn't see this coming.

The ER doctor said it was a combination of anxiety and overexertion, that it might happen again but there was no way to say for sure. Carmy's psychiatrist echoed this sentiment, and with a slightly new cocktail the last five months had passed without incident.

But a perfect storm of Chicago restaurant week, several new staff members and preparing for the seasonal menu changeover had clearly taken it's toll.

After Carmy's breathing had slowed, Nat drags Sydney away from Carmy's bedside and back into the living room. They needed to finish their conversation from earlier.

Nat says they're overdue for their seasonal sababtical/changeover. Sydney knows she's right. They were scheduled for a deep clean and hood and appliance inspection. She just wished it was under better circumstances and didn't look forward to strong arming Carmy into a minimum of 3 days bedrest. Although if Syd and Nat had anything to say about it, Carmy would take at least a whole week off.

"Give Tina the list of what needs to be done before we close. I know you have one drafted and in the 'if Carmy or I die binder'." Sydney almost smiles, because Nat is right, and she knows her and Tina had already divvied up a majority of those tasks among the staff. Natalie just smiles and brings Sydney into a very tight hug. "Nurse our bear back to health okay, your child can stay with the babysitter." Sydney can see the weight of Carm's sickness even in Nat's smiling eyes, but returns it weakly anyway.

Sydney still throws an arbitrary, "are you sure?" Because old habits die hard, but she knows everyone is well-prepared for this. Natalie helps Sydney clean the kitchen and put away the leftovers. Nat also plates up restauarant leftovers and watches Syd eat before heading out. Nat promises to update Syd twice daily only other than emergencies.

They part with one more hug, and Sydney closes the door behind Nat. The second the lock clicks, everything Sydney has been holding in the last 48 hours unravels.

She makes it back the couch before sobbing uncontrollably. Her body shakes and even after the tears subside aftershocks of trembling course through her. Carmy will be fine, but the helplessness of it grates. Sydney goes into the bathroom to splash water on her tear-stained face and blow her nose, deciding afterwards to crawl in bed next to Carmy and spoon his stiff body the best she can.

He senses her presence in a way she didn't expect, but quickly realizes that he had slipped into that in-between sleep. It was unclear if he was more lucid now, or if he was just reaching for whoever he thought Syd was laying next to him.

Eventually after a long silence, Carmy whispers her name so softly she would have missed it. Using a free hand to stroke his cheek with the outer part of her hand, Sydney gently shushes him quiet again. The reassurance of her physical presence is enough to finally let Carmy drop into a deeper sleep.

Chapter Text

Carmy woke up with the early evening light streaming through the windows. Sydney was still asleep draped over onto his side with the slightly stacked pillows. It didn't look comfortable the way she was laying, and the worry on her face hadn't left even in sleep.

Rolling over enough to reach his phone off the nightstand, he blinked to see if the vertigo had eased. His head hurt and Carmy wasn't quite sure his eyes were focusing correctly, but he managed to see what time it was, and that Nat had texted him several times. The most recent one reassuring him not to respond until he felt better.

He glazed over all the messages but the last one, not trusting to look at the bright screen for too long. Slowly he managed to type out that he was awake and feeling slightly better. Nat immediately was calling him on FaceTime, and Carmy turned down the volume before answering.

The big sister fussing still came through on video, and even in the limited dusk light, Carmy could tell how pale and gaunt he looked.

Nat tsked at him for being awake at all, but was glad to hear he was feeling more like himself. She asked after Sydney too, at which point Sydney seeming to sense this also stirred.

The disorientation of Carmy being awake and lucid was evident. Syd quickly snatched the phone from Carmy, attempting not to scold him too harshly for using his phone already. Even with one hand holding the phone, Syd wouldn't break contact. Her hands worrying over every inch of him she could reach.

Nat and Syd seemed to communicate in code until Sydney sighed and said she would text Nat separately. Carmy wasn't quite aware enough to follow the conversation, so he just relished the warm of Sydney's hand and nearby body. His fever had tipped back into making him cold, and Sydney jumped into action, no doubt giving Natalie a lovely and dark view of their ceiling.

After a few minutes of tucking and smoothing, Nat said she needed to go finish dinner and reiterated to Syd to text her. Carmy gave a half-hearted sign off the chills wracking his body making it hard to stay lucid.

Sydney tried to steady his chills by spooning him underneath the blanket. It felt as if anxiety was rolling off of her in waves, but it felt better to provide Carmy with a certain kind of relief and comfort.

After Carmy seemed for the moment to have stablized his body temperature, Syd rolled back to her side to grab her own phone. Nat had followed up after the call with new details about the closure and all it would entail. Nat also of course was checking in on Sydney considering she "could feel the anxiety through the phone."

Sydney sighed not wanting to be honest, not because she thought there was any judgment or even pity, but she knew this wasn't a moment to pull focus. It was shortsighted Sydney knew, even in his altered state it was clear Carmy could tell. Her body was too stiff against his, unable to keep the tension out of it.

Nat texted again in Sydney's moment of self reflection. She was playing the Pete card, saying she would send him over next if Sydney didn't talk to her. It was laughable to call it a low blow, just a more healthy version of the manipulation the Berzarttos seemed fluent in.

She assured Nat that Pete's presence wouldn't be necessary. Her fingers stilled to formulate what she was feeling. There was the feeling in her body, but it felt so physical over emotional she wasn't sure what to call this.

Protectiveness felt too possessive. There was an instinctual care, but the fear and paranoia ran rampant over all of it.

"I cried today after you left..." Deleted.

"I'm still worried Carmy doesn't trust he can take a break or voice his needs when we're slammed. Deleted.

"I never know what to do when he gets like this." Deleted.

"I don't feel nuturing Nat, I just feel scared." This one she finally sends. Nat once again replies instantly. Apologizing that they aren't having this conversation in person, but Sydney is grateful because she's burst into sobs for the umpteenth time that day.

"You are doing a great job. I know it's hard to watch someone you love not love themselves, but all you can do right now is let him rest. Even if it doesn't feel like it him being reminded you are a safe person is everything."

Sydney struggles to breathe now her sobs interrupting her breath forming them into gasps. She’s trying so hard to be quiet and not wake up Carmy, this is the last thing he needs to deal with. But eventually, after her tears are wiped away and her breath is steady, those deadly blue eyes are blinking at her.

Carmy is definitely not as awake or lucid as he was earlier, but he reaches his arm to bring her body into his. All of this is done without a word, and more silent tears fall. This is the way they both fall asleep for the night, Sydney trying not to care that she hasn't done any nighttime rituals beyond wrapping her hair.

Sydney wakes first, does everything she should have done last night. Immediately on waking she noticed that Carmy's fever had definitely broken if the cooled sweat she could feel on his skin was any indication. Gently swiping his forehead for a temp, she sees her suspicions were correct.

There was a sense of relief that flooded her body. She knew this illness probably wasn't over, and there was a frank discussion about healthy boundaries that needed to be had, but that was easier to focus on when Syd wasn't caretaking and fighting off a nervous breakdown.

Considering Carmy has barely eaten anything of substance in the past 12 hours, Syd makes some oatmeal with some honey so it isn't awful to eat. She makes some for herself as well, considering she didn't mean to skip dinner.

Returning to the bedroom, it seems Carm was stirred by her preparing breakfast. He's still waking up, but his eyes look so much less vacant. Already a good sign. She leans down to kiss him on the forehead putting the oatmeal bowl in his hands. Normally eating in bed is sacriligious for them, but they make a few notable exceptions.

He accepts the bowl readily, and hums slightly at the kiss. The relief flooding her body right now is unimaginable. She sits next to him with her own oatmeal, and they both eat in silence before Carmy speaks.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." Sydney's stomach immediately flips, this is already 3 pm stuff under the best of circumstances, and these are not the best of circumstances. She swallows the bite of oatmeal on her spoon before setting it on her nightstand. Her hands worrying the edge of a blanket before Carm lays one of his hands on top of hers.

Sydney sighs and tears slip down her cheek. Carm now sets down his oatmeal too, weakly with some help from Syd shifting her body weight so she's sitting across his lap. Her legs still pointed towards her side of the bed.

His arms surround her and his grip isn't at full strength, but it’s enough for Sydney to let go. Her full body sobs shake them both, but Carm absorbs all of it in silence.