Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aiden Clark was never considered “normal”. At his old schools, he was alway forced into the advanced classes by his parents. Now, he was a psychopath who enjoyed pain.

It wasn’t the pain that he enjoyed though, more so the thrill of it all. You know, that thrill you get when you accidentally fall into a pit of fire, the feeling of coming down from a roller coaster. Everything Aiden did was for the rush that he would get.

He’d been getting better recently, trying his best to separate his current self from his past self. That’s the best thing he can do. Ignore all of the people that knew him before he became his newest version of himself. Heck, he even dyed his hair. He had an entirely new look with an entire group of friends who care for him.

Aiden got up from his bed and rubbed his eyes. Of course he didn’t want to get out of bed, but he was better now so he had to. To prove that he was better. He fell asleep in some long pajama pants and a shirt with a smiley face on it. Just his encouragement of course and a reminder that he should smile.

He looked at his alarm. Shit.

“Ben? Are you still here? Why didn’t you wake me up for school!” Aiden shouted as he ran around his room, worried. He didn’t really care about missing the bus, he could run. That’s what he did most days after all.

There were no texts or knocks on Aidens door for proof that Ben was okay or even still at the house.

Killies Exterminators

ME: Has anyone seen Ben? He’s not answering.

THING 2: Yeah he’s been over here! Yesterday was Friday after all!!

Aiden stared at his phone in relief and realization: He was home alone.

Fuck. He knew this would happen eventually. Ben usually doesn’t let him leave his sight. It’s okay though because he’s better now. He doesn’t need —

He looks over to his bedside cabinet, oh.
Oh.

Wait, but no. Ben should be able to come home without finding him all depressed. They talked about this. If he did this then there would be a chance Ben could trust him again. Plus he’s fine, he’s better. There’s no way he would do that kind of stuff when he has so many friends now. At least last time he had an excuse. He was lonely and stressed out of his mind.

The more stared the more he thought.

Maybe just a little bit.

My old blade was dull, but I bought a newer pencil sharpener recently. He didn’t know why he bought it anyways, at least this way it would be put to use rather than just lying on the mess he had created himself on the floor.

He messed around and after some time got the blade out. The feeling of excitement and fear took over him. He also considered the weather, luckily it was still cold enough to wear his hoodies outside, but would these heal in time for it to be short sleeve weather? What if they left worse scars?

What if Ben finds out?

That feeling terrified him. Maybe he shouldn’t do this.

He picked the blade up and dug deeply into his skin.

3

2

1!

A new wound was created on his skin. Fuck.

This cut was deeper than he’d ever gone before. The blood overflowed and hit the ground almost immediately. Fuck why did he do this? He promised Ben he wouldn’t anyways.

He froze in shock and stared at it for a moment. Suddenly the groupchat started blowing up. He paid no attention to the new messages that were being sent. None of them were from Ben anyways

He quickly ran to the bathroom and covered his arm just in case. He found the biggest band-aids they had, but that wasn’t enough. He turned on the shower and put himself under the water for a good 30 minutes. The wound started to turn a pale color. That means it stopped right??

Unsure of how else to treat it, he quickly put another band-aid on it, but this time it stayed. The wound was still bleeding, but much less. He threw on his favorite hoodie and just stared at the mess he had made.

He quickly got to cleaning, scrubbing anything he could out of this damn carpet. Why did his parents have to choose white?? He couldn’t let anyone find out. This was his own little secret. He was better still.

Later that day after Ben had come home, he took off the band-aid and replaced it with a new one. Before putting on the band-aid he stared at it, the tiny dent was quite mesmerizing to him. He's only gone so far as to do tiny little scratches, but this was the real deal. This was what made his self harm valid.

The more months that had passed, the scar wouldn’t heal. It was getting warmer now, but the scar remained the same dark pink it was when it first arrived. It was raised kind of.

He was hanging out with Ashlyn the other day, and she gave him a weird look after his sleeve got pulled up. Ben’s been protective and clingy since.

But he’d say something if he had noticed.

Chapter Text

Ben’s been extra clingy since he hung out with Ashlyn. He would wait outside of his room, or even ask to have little sleepovers over just sleeping in his own room. This is weird.

Aiden tried his best to shrug it off, maybe Ben just hasn’t been feeling the best? No, that can’t be right. They just hung out the other night. Taylor was staring at Aiden too. Did they know something that he didn’t? He can’t just ask.

He had been pretending to sleep at night. Ben wouldn’t sleep until he did, and the last thing he’d want is to deprive his dear cousin of more sleep and cause him more trouble than he already did.

One bad day. That’s all it takes,

Ben wasn’t home again, but he assured Aiden he’d be home soon. He just wanted to hang out with his girlfriend. That’s completely fine. Aiden just needed to behave himself.

Though, that is easier said than done.

The moment Ben closed the front door thoughts rushed through Aiden’s head;

“Take the medication now!! It’s your only chance. It’ll only get worse. He’ll be clingy again and you won’t have another chance.”

“--- but Ben shouldn’t find my body if it does somehow work. How do I hide myself so he doesn’t have to find me??”

“Maybe this is all just a bad idea. I shouldn’t do this. Ben will think it’s his fault.”

“But nothing ever gets better and you know that. Just take the goddamn medication!!”

He walked over to Ben’s bathroom. He kept them there in a locked cabinet so he can monitor Aiden’s medication and his usage of it. Unfortunately for him, Aiden was a very versatile person with many hobbies. One of them just happens to be lock picking.

Aiden got into the cabinet and looked for his adhd medication. “1 capsule a day, 75mg” the label read.

He had been skipping taking them. Why? Oh, well because he was better. He can focus without them.

The group chat starts going off and he checks his phone. He likes to talk to them. It makes him feel slightly better.

Killies Exterminators

CARROT: Everyone remember the plan for tonight?

THING 1: This is your third time asking. I’m pretty sure we remember.

THING 2: Tyler! Don’t be rude!!

THING 1: It’s common sense that we should know by now!! We’ve been doing the same thing for the past week!! Collect supplies from local grocery stores and bring them to the base.

BENNY: Thank you, for the reminder, Ashlyn.

CARROT: You’re welcome, Ben.

Aiden stared at his phone. Right. Phantom realm.

He looked up at the pills, opened them. Poured them into his hand, and took them with some old water. Jesus. This many pills is hard to stomach and it makes him nauseous.

Hours later his cousin arrived back home and found the blonde in bed. To his knowledge, Aiden never left bed that day. Just an average day. He sighed and waved to him.

Aiden looked up from his phone and waved back. He seemed tired, but the medication wouldn’t let him sleep. It keeps him more alert than he’s ever felt.

He could tell Ben noticed something was up, but he couldn’t make out exactly what, Aiden’s mission is to keep it that way. Today will be a good day for Ben. No matter how shitty he feels exactly.

Aiden smiled and sat up. He knew Ben didn’t believe the smile, but it put a wall of security on him and made him think Ben couldn’t find out.

“Hey Benny, what’s up? How was hanging out with your girlfriendddd?” Aiden teased. His grin widening to push it onto Ben.

Ben never talked after his incident; however Aiden and him decided to pick up sign language. It was easier than Ben writing everything down on his notepad. Aiden picked it up from being forced to go along to Ben’s classes (when he wasn’t trusted to be home alone).

‘She’s not my girlfriend. We just went out for ice cream. We weren’t alone either. Tyler decided to tag along last minute,’ Ben signed as he took off his shoes and walked past Aiden, going almost immediately to the kitchen ‘You didn't eat yet?’

Aiden hadn’t purposely not-eaten. It was a pure accident. The medication just made him feel so nauseous. He knew he wasn't sleeping tonight.

“I haven't been hungry today! You know how it is,” he didn’t know what excuse to use. He didn’t want Ben to worry, but he also couldn’t tell his cousin what he’d done.

Ben looked at him suspiciously. He didn’t exactly trust Aiden completely, especially since he was in the house alone.

‘You’ve eaten nothing? What if I made you the ramen you like?’ ben signed. Aiden had already run off to his room. He hid from Ben, he used to hide from his parents sometimes when he was little so he had a little space in his room already, but Ben knew about it of course.

Ben sighed, not wanting to force him to talk if he didn't want to talk.

He walked around the house for a moment doing small chores, he never blamed Aiden for not being able to do them himself. He had days like that, but he couldn’t imagine having to live every day like that.

He finished up the chores and headed to his bathroom to brush his teeth for the night. Thats when he noticed

The lock on his cabinet had been picked.