Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

Episode 1: A Change of Style, Part 1

It was a time of peace in the Mushroom Kingdom. Toad children were playing on the fields. Goombas, Koopas, and Yoshies alike were working together to fix any damaged buildings. But that's not the subject of my story. At the Mario household, we see the red-clad plumber and his younger brother, Luigi. "Oh, Mamma Mia," Mario said as he just woke up. "Luigi, time to wake up!" Luigi got up and changed from his nightshirt to his normal attire: A green shirt, dark blue overalls, and a green hat with a green 'L.' Mario was wearing a red hat, lighter blue overalls, and a red hat with an 'M.' Mario looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. "Luigi, I-sa think we should our appearance," Mario said. "How, Big Bro?" We'll-sa go to the Mushroom Boutique!"

Intro!

(Super Mario Bros. Theme plays)

Super Mario Brothers!

Hey, let's go watch them go down a Warp Pipe!

Super Mario Brothers!

Let's go watch them pick Mushrooms til' they're ripe!

Super Mario Brothers!

(Mario Jingle)

Mario: Here We Go!

Mario-oooooo Brothers!

Let's a Go!

Mar-rrrrio Bros!

Yoshi: Yoshi!

We can see how they save the world, again and again!

Jumping high, standing together!

They're ready to fight today!

And to top it off, they're going to make the

Villains pay!

Villains pay!

Villains pay!

(Luigi: Villains pay!)

(SMB final jingle plays)

Mario: Here we go! Here we go! Mario!

(Mario, Mario, Mario...)

Far away from Mario's house, Princess Peach's Castle, and the Mushroom Kingdom itself, the neighboring land, the Koopa Kingdom was currently plotting to kidnap Peach and destroy Mario. In Bowser's Castle, the Koopas' leader, King Bowser Koopa was plotting to kidnap Peach.

In a very stupid way.

"Okay. If I sneak behind Peach and run as fast as I can, it might work!" the Koopa King cried out.

Immediately, Bowser's youngest son and possible heir to the throne, Bowser Junior entered Bowser's study and sat on his couch.

"Uh, Dad?" Junior asked as he scooped a mouthful of Mushroom Brand Potato Chips.

"Yes?"

"You're an idiot."

"Silence, Junior!"

"Ya know, Dad, I don't think being evil is as cracked up as I thought it would be," Junior said.

"WHAT?!"

"Yep, I'm gonna be neutral from now on," Junior calmly said.

Silence.

"HA HA HA HA!", Bowser laughed as Junior left the room to pack.

2 minutes later...

Junior entered the room once more only to see that Bowser was still laughing along with the Koopalings.

(For the record, they're Iggy, Morton Jr, Lemmy, Roy, Wendy, Larry, and Ludwig von Koopa).

Junior patiently waited for them to stop.

2 hours later...

Still laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", Bowser and the Koopalings cackled.

Junior simply snorted and left the room.

"Hunh," Junior pouted as he pushed a Goomba into a Cheep Cheep-infested pool. "I'll show them. I'll show them that neutral is the new evil."

He eventually left the entire castle and looked up into the sky. He saw a twinkle.

"A shooting star. In daylight?", Junior thought.

The star then turned into a sword and was heading for Bowser's bridge.

You can guess what happens next, right?

The "sword" slammed into Bowser's bridge and spoke:

"I AM EXOR! MASTER OF ALL DREAMS AND KINGDOMS!"

"Yeah, yeah, save it for the RPG fans," Junior calmly said.

And Junior was off to find a new home. But to where?

Meanwhile at Princess Peach's Castle, Toad, Yoshi, and the Princess herself were talking amongst themselves.

"Yoshi!" (Translation: The Mario Brothers are missing!)

"We know, Yoshi," Peach calmly said. "But I think it's about time we give them a break, anyway."

"Yeah, but how are we gonna protect ourselves without them?!", Toad frantically said.

"Oh, Toad you act as though trouble's going to break into the castle."

And then...

KABOOM! CRASH!

Bowser Jr. had just broken into the castle.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!", Peach, Toad, and Yoshi screamed

"No! No!", Junior blurted out. "I'm neutral!"

"Yoshi, Yoshi!" (Translation: Yeah right!)

"Junior," Peach spoke. "We're gonna need some proof before we let you in the castle."

And then...

BOOM!

Bowser had just bombed the castle's roof.

"HAHAHA!", Bowser had laughed from his Koopa Clown Car.

"JUNIOR! YOU'RE GONNA GO HOME AND PAINFULLY EXTRACT THAT SWORD! THEN, YOU'RE GONNA BE GROUNDED! FOREVER!"

Bowser then pressed a button on the Clown Car's console and had a mechanical arm appear and grab Bowser Jr.

"AAAAHHHH!", Junior screamed as the Koopa Clown Car lifted into the sky.

Peach and co. just stood there.

Immediately, Toad spoke:

"Well, this is just great, Princess! The Mario Bros. are nowhere to be seen, Junior breaks into the castle saying he's neutral, and Bowser blows the roof off this place! HOW COULD THIS GET ANY WORSE?

And then...

SLAM!

A girl with orange-brown hair, a yellow and orange dress, and a dark yellow crown had walked into the castle.

Yep. It's Princess Daisy of Sarasaland. Tomboy, friend, and love interest to Luigi.

"So," Daisy began. "Any of you seen Mario or Luigi?"

Peach, Yoshi, and Toad simply stared as though the gods of luck were trying to kill them

"Princess," Toad said hoarsely.

"Yes, Toad?"

"This just got worse."

To Be Continued...

Chapter Text

Previously on The Super Mario Show...

Mario: "Luigi, I-sa think we should change our appearance."

Luigi: "How, Bro?"

Mario: "We'll-sa go to the Mushroom Boutique!"

Bowser Jr.: "I'm thinking about becoming neutral."

Bowser: "WHAT?!"

(Screen switches to Peach, Yoshi, Toad, Junior, and Bowser, the latter in the Koopa Clown Car)

(Bowser then presses a button on the Clown Car's console and has a mechanical arm appear and grab Junior)

Junior: "AHHHH!"

Toad: "How could this get any worse?"

SLAM!

Princess Daisy: "So, any of you seen Mario or Luigi?"

Toad: "Princess?"

Peach: "Yes, Toad?"

Toad: "This just got worse."

The Super Mario Show

Episode 2: A Change of Style, Part 2

Princess Peach, Yoshi, and Toad stared continuously at Daisy simply because of the past events that happened within 15 minutes.

"Well," Daisy began, "Where...are...Mario...and Luigi?"

"Well...," Peach stuttered.

"WHAT?"

"OKAY!!," Toad blurted out incoherently. "Sowehadameeting, andJuniorcomessayinghe'sneutral...FISH CAKES!

Yoshi had finally slapped some sense into him. Literally.

"Yoshi!," the green dinosaur proclaimed.

"Yes, we know Toad's acting like a mad banshee right now, thank you, Yoshi," Peach said so she could translate for Toad and Daisy.

"So, you have no idea where Mario and Luigi are," Daisy began, "And you want me to help you find the Brothers and rescue Junior?"

"Why?," Toad grinned. "Do you like Luigi?", he said as he started cackling like a maniac.

"WHOO! HYUK, HYUK, HYUK!

Daisy finally had enough of Toad's idiocy, so she grabbed a wooden mallet and used it to hammer Toad's head into the rest of his body.

"...Ouch," Toad whined despite the fact his head was lodged into his stomach.

"Music to my ears," Daisy said softly.

At the Mushroom Boutique, Mario and Luigi were still looking for a "new appearance."

Just then, the female Toad manager walked up to them.

"Excuse me, sirs, but do you need any help with your clothing choice?" the manager asked.

"Actually, yes!", Mario proclaimed.

"Well, perhaps you and your brother need to find clothes that fit your personality and skills. Do you have any noteworthy skills?"

"Well, we can-a fix pipes and-a save princesses, and Luigi has the ability to make people crack their bones. Show her, Luigi!"

Luigi walked out of the dressing room and pointed his foot at some Shy Guy. The Shy Guy immediately started stretching and cracking the bones in his short body.

CRACK! CRICK! CLIKKETY-KLAK!

And let's just say that the cracking was making the manager's brain rot into nothingness.

"Oh my Goombas...," the manager said dryly as she collapsed on the floor.

Luigi immediately put his foot down and so the Shy Guy, who was green and wore brown shoes, snapped out of his trance and glared at the Mario Brothers.

"So, ya like pointing your footsies at people and having them crack their bones?", the green Shy Guy exclaimed. "Is that how you get your sick kicks?"

"In a Deku Nutshell!", the Brothers exclaimed.

The Shy Guy grumbled and finally left the store.

But the Mario Brothers paid no mind to him, for they were staring at two complete clothing sets.

"Those-a are...," Luigi began

"The most-a beautiful articles of clothing I have-a ever seen!" Mario finished.

And the Brothers grabbed the clothing and went to the register to pay for their new style...

At Bowser's Castle, Junior's siblings and the Koopa King himself were in Bowser's and had Junior chained to a desk. But they were now thinking of what to do to Junior as a punishment...

"We should leave him in the attic for a month!" Morton piped up.

"Nah," Roy said, "The minions put a pinball machine in there last week."

"What if we made him listen to my beautiful music?" Ludwig van Koopa suggested.

Immediately, everyone (including Junior and the minions who were in the hallway) screamed in agony.

"If you play your music, we'll all die!", Wendy Koopa whined as everyone agreed with her. "So, if you dare try, I'll come back as a ghost, point my foot at you, and make you crack your bones painfully!"

And let's just say that painful bone-cracking wasn't very idealistic to Ludwig, so he shut up about any other music-related ideas.

"Wait," Larry began, "What if we send Junior to the dungeon, and don't feed him for weeks! He'll be begging to be evil again!"

Junior's beady eyes bulged out, but Bowser and the Koopalings' mouths curved into evil grins.

Immediately, Iggy and Wendy Koopa released Junior from his cuffs, grabbed him by the arms, and led him off to the dungeons...

Iggy and Wendy continued to drag Junior throughout the many hallways of the castle, but Junior would not take this lying down. Unfortunately, his siblings refused to listen, leading him to be slightly annoyed.

"HOW DARE YOU THIS TO YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD! WHAT THE HECK DID I DO TO YOU FREAKS?", Junior screamed.

"You've been Daddy's little smart aleck for too long, Junior," Wendy hissed enviously, "And I want his love back."

"Plus, you just called us freaks," Iggy pointed out.

"This will not end well..."

Bowser, Morton, Lemmy, Ludwig, Roy, and Larry were now laughing about Junior's fate in the dungeons, and were now thinking of a plan to kidnap Princess Peach and defeat the Mario Brothers.

Again.

"Hmmm...," Lemmy muttered to himself as he heard a loud crash.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad had just broken into Bowser's Castle.

Bowser and the five remaining Koopalings looked at Peach and her posse with such a glazed look, that Toad might as well have taken their brains out and used them for a wet game of kickball.

"...Hmm...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Now!" Peach chanted as the others took fighting stances, "Charge!"

Immediately, Daisy mounted Yoshi like a horse and charged after Larry and Roy. The two Koopalings tried to move out of the way, but...TOO LATE! Daisy got off Yoshi, grabbed the two and started kicking their shell-covered behinds.

And she was winning.

Like heck.

"MAJIAA!" Roy screamed for it was the only thing he could utter as Daisy piledrived him into the floor while Yoshi watched in amusement. Unfortunately, if Yoshi had been fighting Larry as he should have with the same enthusiasm that Peach and Toad had running from Bowser, Morton, Lemmy, and Ludwig, the good guys would've been finished with the Koopa Clan a long time ago. But as I was saying, Larry had now jumped on Daisy's shoulders and was pulling her hair.

"OW! OW! OW!", Daisy was now ignoring Roy for Larry had landed her in a painful situation. "AIYEEEEEEEEE! MAD KOOPA! SOMEONE CALL IDIOT CONTROL!"

And soon, the tide of battle was turning in Bowser's favor. Morton, Lemmy, and Ludwig helped Roy up, and they proceeded to tie up Peach, Yoshi, and Toad.

And finally, after much hair-pulling and scratching, Bowser and Larry managed to tie up Daisy with the others.

"Well, well, well," Bowser hissed joyfully, "I've captured two princesses, a Toad, and a Yoshi I can hold for ransom! SO, WHO'S GONNA SAVE YOU NOW, PUNKS?"

Just then, a ball of flaming green energy blasted Bowser and his kids so far, that they fell into the Cheep Cheep-infested pool where the Goomba (the one Junior had pushed in chapter 1) was still residing.

Peach and co. decided to look up at their saviors, and they were shocked to see who it was. Mario and Luigi.

Peach noticed something different about them. Rather than their usual red/blue and green/blue attire, they were wearing clothes slightly different.

Luigi was wearing a light blue short-sleeved polo shirt, a light blue hat with an 'L' of the same color, and the same dark blue overalls. Mario was wearing a crimson short-sleeved polo shirt, a crimson hat with an 'M' of the same color, and the same light blue overalls.

"You came...," Peach stuttered.

"Now a time to-sa rescue Junior in these-a cool clothes!" Mario exclaimed.

And the motley group of six was going to the dungeons to now become a group of seven.

And no, I don't know how they knew Junior was in the dungeons.

Bowser Jr. was now in the dungeons, locked in a cage, playing a harmonica, and singing while Iggy and Wendy were watching his act of stupidity from the outside of the bars.

"My siblings are morons, BA DA DA DA DA!", Junior sang as he played his harmonica, "I want my life back, BA DA DA DA DA!"

"Shut your mouth, Stupid!", Iggy sang mockingly, "BA DA DA DA DA!"

"Up your shell, pencil-neck!", Bowser Jr. snapped.

"Well, if you think someone's just gonna bust in and save you," Wendy uttered, "You've got another thing coming!"

Just then, Junior noticed that the wall Iggy and Wendy were standing near was starting to shake and crumble...

"Looks like you've got another thing comin'!", Junior chuckled.

BOOM! CRASH! KWAABANG!

Mario and co. had used approximately fifty-eight Bob-ombs to blast a gaping hole in the dungeons.

"Hmmmmmm...Perhaps we shouldn't have left all those Bob-ombs next to the Princess when she was tied up," Wendy concurred.

"Yeah, and maybe you should be less ugly," Iggy sneered, "OF COURSE WE SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT THE BOB-OMBS NEAR THE PRINCESS!"

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, and Toad simply glared at the two Koopalings.

"Yoshiiiii," the green Dino breathed maliciously.

"Yeah," Daisy translated as she cracked her gloved knuckles, "It's show time..."

(TV screen switches to Bowser's Castle up-large. Several explosions are heard. Eight Koopa-shaped creatures fly out of Bowser's Castle, screaming their ugly heads off)

"MAJIAA!" (Roy)

"MOMMY!" (Larry)

"CHECKERS AND ROOKS!" (Ludwig)

"MY SHELL'S CRACKING!" (Wendy)

"OH MY GOOMBAS!" (Iggy)

"SHAMROCKS!" (Morton)

"MY BONES ARE CRACKING PAINFULLY!" (Lemmy)

"CURSE YOU, MARIO!", Bowser screamed as he and his Koopalings flew off to who-knows-where at who-knows-what-time.

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Junior, and Toad all walked out of Bowser's Castle looking happy.

Well, at least Toad and the Mario Brothers.

"Wow, guys!", the Mushroom Retainer chirped, "I can't believe we all worked together to stop Bowser!"

"What do ya mean, worked together? "Daisy asked angrily, "I basically did all the work until Mario and Luigi came in their very awesome clothes!"

"Speaking of Mario and Luigi," Peach began, "Junior, I think you owe the Super Stylish Bros. a thank you."

"WHAT," Junior asked, completely dumbfounded, "WHY?"

"If you want to stay in my castle, "Peach began, "You need to thank them."

Junior groaned, and began the horrible, heart-wrenching process:

"Mario...Luigi," Junior spat out painfully, as the Brothers watched in mild amusement.

"Tha-...Tha-...Tha-," Junior tried to speak but his Prince's pride was taking over.

Finally, Daisy smacked him upside the head, and Junior was able to spit it out.

"OW...THANK YOU-HOO-HOO...AHHHHAAA!," Junior had now crawled onto the floor in fetal position while crying.

"You're-sa welcome, Junior!", Mario and Luigi said happily.

"Time to go to your new home, Junior," Peach said happily as she picked up the semi-light Koopa prince.

"Boy!", Toad chirped as Mario and co. were walking away from Bowser's Castle and Exor (who was still stuck in Bowser's Keep). "I never had an adventure like that in a while! I hope more follow!"

"Yeah!" Daisy shouted.

"Home sounds nice to me," Junior said in a sing-song voice.

And the group of seven was off to Peach's Castle, to start new adventures...

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

Episode 3: Peach the Teach, Part 1

Peace and the usual stupid harmony were prospering throughout the Mushroom Kingdom once more, for the latest defeat of Bowser and the Koopalings led everyone into their usual state of happiness.

As you've probably noticed, these Toads are really stupid if they're not expecting Bowser to kidnap the Princess again.

But as I was saying, Mario and Luigi were in Peach's Castle in the living room, telling Bowser Jr. about how they found their new attire.

"So, we were-sa at the Mushroom Boutique," Mario began as he turned on the TV to the movie, The Golden Toad 2. "And ze manager asks us about our-sa skills. So Luigi points his-a foot at a Shy Guy, and-a makes him crack his-a bones! The manager keels-a over, so Luigi stops the Shy Guy's-a painful bone-cracking, and then he-sa starts talking about a bunch of 'sick licks,' or-sa something like a that," Mario finished.

And all the while, Junior was laughing his head off about the disturbing fate of the angry green Shy Guy.

"HAHAHAHAHA!", Junior cackled. "You guys are a riot! I can't even remember why I wanted to boil you in hot lava, anyway!"

"Yeah, yeah, shush, shush!", Luigi said as they continued watching The Golden Toad 2.

Just then, Peach walked in the living room carrying a stuffed teddy bear which had a Koopa shell, and Bowser-type horns.

"Mama, what is it?", Junior asked curiously.

"Teddy bear," Peach answered casually, as she handed the Koopa-Teddy bear hybrid to Junior.

"Wow," Junior began. "It's an illogical combination of a Koopa and a Teddy bear. It's a Koopa Bear!"

But Peach was paying no mind to Junior or "Koopa Bear." Instead, she was focused on the semi-violent movie that Junior and the Mario Bros. were watching.

"GO! ZIP TOAD!", Mario and Luigi screamed as they turned up the TV so loud that Peach and Junior were beginning to be blasted off the floor.

Junior immediately grabbed the arm of a conveniently placed couch while Peach grabbed on to one of his legs as they were now flailing sideways near the door blocking the hallway.

Junior knew there was only one thing he could spare from certain injury.

"MARIO! SAVE THE POPCORN!", Junior blurted out before the volume of the TV was too much and the two royals flew out the door, across the Castle's many hallways, many bathrooms (where Junior and Peach saw Toad trying to blackmail Daisy in the shower before realizing it was Toadsworth singing the Donkey Kong Country theme. Toad was briefly kicked out the bathroom as Peach and Junior continued their flight), the Basement of Many Wonders, back to the middle floor, and finally out of Peach's Castle altogether, all while Junior screamed "SOGGY MUSHROOMS!" repeatedly and annoyingly.

"Hold on, Junior!," Peach commandingly suggested as the two were going airborne.

"What do you think I'm trying to do?!", Junior snapped as he held Peach's leg tighter.

The two were flying towards buildings and were now forced to somehow swerve in order to avoid certain death on the buildings' windows.

Unfortunately, the two were now across Toad Town to the one place Junior found scarier than prison.

The education system.

Meanwhile, at Shroomside Education Academy, a young female Koopa teacher was in her boss' office about her immediate resignation.

"Principal Koopson, I can't take these mad brats!", the Koopa teacher exclaimed as she started flinging pencil cups and dart boards off of Koopson's desk.

"But, Ms. Koopret, PLEASE!", Principal Koopson begged as he got on his knees. "You're the only teacher who can control these kids, AND THAT'S NOT MUCH!"

"Forget it, Koopson!", Ms. Koopret exclaimed as she started running out the door and out the school all while barking at every kid she saw, screaming like a madwoman.

"WHACKA BUMPS!", the mad Koopret hollered at one kid as she left the school in a fit of moronic rage.

Back to Principal Koopson, who was now trying to find a teacher who knew nothing about this school's poor behavioral reputation, but would take on kids.

"What poor fool would try to teach these vampires?", Koopson said to himself, "We need someone kind! Someone who loves and can control kids at the same time! Someone like..."

But then, large screams could be heard from outside the building. Koopson looked up from his desk and saw that the ceiling above him was starting to crumble.

"JUNIOR, STOP SWERVING!"

"I'M NOT SWERVING! WE'RE MOVING BECAUSE OF THE WIND!"

"DON'T YELL!"

"I'M NOT YELLING!"

And finally, the ceiling collapsed, and Peach and Junior were on the fallen ceiling piece, dusting their selves off.

Junior was the first to pick his self up, and so he took a look at his surroundings. His eyes widened in fear as he noticed there were pencils, crayons, and a few students sitting in a corner, currently writing essays.

"No...," Junior thought as he realized he was in an academy and specifically in the principal's office.

However, Koopson paid no attention to Junior yet, for he was looking at Princess Peach. He noticed the crown on her head, which obviously gave her authority. And he also noticed that she was a grown woman, and could find a job.

A wide grin spread across Koopson's face as he slowly formed an idea.

"Princess Peach Toadstool," Koopson began as he slowly left his desk. "Would you like a job here?"

"Errr...Come again?", Peach asked confused.

But Junior was about to answer for her.

"NO!", Junior bellowed. "She will not get a job here at this Goomba-hole! She will not work at this disgusting school! And furthermore..."

"I'll do it," Peach said nonchalantly.

"SAY WHAT?!"

"Yep," Peach answered. "I've always wanted to teach kids!"

"You start tomorrow!" Koopson announced, "Oh yeah, bring the Koopa boy if you want."

"NEVER!"

"He'll come," Peach said, not noticing the angry Prince's protests.

"Alright, then," Principal Koopson finished as he picked up some pencils from his desk. "Now get the heck out of my office.".

"Yes sir!" Peach hollered as she saluted her new boss and left the building, thinking Junior was right behind her.

Junior simply stared at a wall, his eyes looking bleak.

"Dear spirits in the Overthere...WHY DO YOU HATE ME!"

The next day, Peach and Junior were now packing supplies for their trip to Shroomside in the cross-section of Peach's Castle.

Toadsworth could be described as slightly distressed.

"Your Highness, how could you do this?", the elderly steward of Peach screamed.

"Toadsworth," Peach said as she started helping Junior with his backpack (for every five minutes, he slipped out, screamed "FREEDOM!", and ran away, only to be caught by Mario and Luigi within the next three seconds), "I'm just trying to connect with the people so I can be a better leader."

"THIS A LOAD OF WASTE FROM THE OVERTHERE AND BACK!"

"Hush, Junior."

"NEVER!"

Peach simply pushed the young, "neutral" Koopa child down off-screen so he could be unheard to the crowd.

Did I ever tell you people that characters can be heard or unheard off-screen?

But back to other matters, Mario, Luigi, Daisy, Toad, and Yoshi chose to enter the hallways' cross-section at this moment.

"Oh hey guys," Peach said to her friends.

"Hello, Peach," Toad and the Mario Brothers said to Peach. But then, Yoshi was noticing the backpack forcefully strapped on to Junior, and suddenly, a desire came to him.

"Yoshi!", the green dinosaur proclaimed.

"What do you mean you wanna come to school with us?", Junior asked, confused. "Didn't you do that once already?"

Yoshi simply nodded his head.

"Alright then," Peach announced, "Guess you're coming to school with us, Yoshi."

"Yoshi!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"But Peach," Daisy started disappointedly, "it's Tennis Day! What am I supposed to do while you're out torturing kids?"

"Okay, first off, I'm not torturing them," Peach began, "And second off, just hang out with Mario and Luigi! You'll have tons of fun!"

And as soon as Peach finished speaking, Mario began to drink milk as Luigi started telling a joke.

"Hey guys! Here's a joke to-sa get the funny bones-a laughing!" Luigi began. "So, these two Koopas are-a playing at the arcade when suddenly...THE POLICE APPEAR! They arrest the Koopas when one of them says, 'You-sa can't Koopa me up in jail!'"

And immediately, Mario laughed and soon, milk splurted out of his nose.

Daisy watched the odd scene of the two brothers having fun.

"Yeah...," Daisy sarcastically said to Peach.

"Yeah!", Peach replied, not noticing Daisy's sarcasm at all. "Just watch TV with them!"

"Huh," Daisy breathed out, admitting defeat. "I'll stay with Mario and Luigi."

"That's the spirit!", Peach said, opening the door so she could leave the castle and get to her new job.

"Come on, Junior, Yoshi! To Shroomside Education Academy!"

Peach then trotted out the door, chuckling non-stop.

Junior simply stood still, as Yoshi pushed him out the door as if he were a statue.

Daisy turned to Mario and Luigi, a look of mixed reactions on her face.

"Well, this can't possibly go wrong."

Bowser's Castle

The aforementioned King of Koopas was currently sitting on his throne, several bandages on his face.

Worse yet, the Koopalings and several members of the Koopa Troop were also bandaged. Plus, Ludwig had several cracked bones due to suggesting that everyone listen to his music while they all recuperated.

"THIS IS A TRAVESTY!", Bowser hollered, shaking the walls of the castle and several Koopa Troop members until they ran out screaming.

"Dad," Morton said slowly, not wanting to fuel his father's rage any further. "Maybe we should think up a good plan..."

"WHAT'S NOT GOOD ABOUT MY PLANS?!"

"Well, your Crankiness," one nosy Goomba said entering Bowser's throne room completely unauthorized, "You always kidnap the same princess over and over, and no new girls means less happiness from Yours Truly."

Bowser immediately unleashed a stream of fire which burned the annoying Goomba until he was covered in soot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

The flaming Goomba immediately ran out of the room where he jumped into the Cheep Cheep-infested pool.

Two other Goombas passed by the odd sight and shook their heads.

"Gary needs help," one Goomba said.

"Yes he does," the other Goomba said, nodding.

Back in the throne room, the Koopalings were contemplating what just happened.

"I think I just heard a poltergeist," Larry said as he noticed the Goomba trying to cool himself down while at the same time trying to avoid being eaten by hungry Cheep Cheeps.

"Yeah," Iggy added, "Dad charred that Goomba so much, his scream almost went off-page!"

Just then, a blue robed Magikoopa burst into the throne room, sending papers & magic blasts everywhere.

That's right, kids! It's Kamek!

"Your Crankiness!", Kamek said as he shoved Morton and Ludwig out of the way, "I have news pertaining to Mario!"

"Well, spit it out!"

"Lord Bowser, I have received word that Mario has rescued Princess Peach in New Super Mario Bros. Wii!"

Bowser's left eye twitched.

"I have also received news that Junior is going to school with Peach and the Yoshi."

Outside of Bowser's Castle, a large explosion could be heard.

Bowser had used ten Bob-ombs to make a hole in his own castle so he could escape to seek out Junior.

In idiotic revenge, for the record.

Bowser was currently in his Koopa Clown Car, Iggy by his side, trying to find a way to fulfill his evil plans.

"IGGY! Where did Kamek and his spies say Junior and Peach were heading?!", Bowser yelled as he tried to steer the Clown Car.

"Uh, Shroomside Education Academy, northwest of Toad Town," Iggy said reading from a map conveniently in his hands.

"Ahhhh...Revenge will be mine."

Oh boy.

The walk to Shroomside was a perilous one.

One of Peach's balloons had popped and all the others were being painted in the castle.

And so, Peach, Yoshi, and Junior had to walk.

Peach and Junior whined every ten minutes, and often times Junior would pretend to go to the bathroom so he could try and run off.

He was very unsuccessful.

Yoshi was the only one to keep up a sense of happiness.

"Yoshi!"

"No, Yoshi," Junior said feeling annoyed, "I will not scratch your moldy back."

"Junior!"

"Fine..."

Yoshi immediately let out a sigh of relief as Junior scratched his back with his claws.

Junior turned to Peach with an "Are you happy now?" look on his face, but then noticed she was staring at the horrible prison camp known as Shroomside.

"Well," Peach started as she picked up Junior by one of his spikes, "time to go to school."

And the three were off.

When Peach and co. arrived at Shroomside, they saw that some parents were just dropping off their kids in a courtyard.

Peach, Yoshi, and Junior walked into the courtyard and Peach started to observe the parents and kids.

Junior walked up to a green Shy Guy with brown shoes talking to a smaller pink shy guy with a blonde ponytail and white shoes.

"Now remember, Jenny," the green Shy Guy told the pink Shy Guy, who appeared to be his daughter. "If you see those 'Stache-wad plumbers again, you know what to do, right?"

"Tie them in a knot, Daddy," Jenny chorused.

"That's right!" the Green Shy Guy cheered. "And make sure you take out anyone who's associated with Mario and Luigi!"

Mario and Luigi. Mario and Luigi.

Junior was associated with Mario and Luigi. Peach was associated with Mario and Luigi. Yoshi was, also.

He hadn't even started class yet he and his unofficial mother had already made enemies.

"It's the end of the world," Junior gasped.

More like the end of his, Peach, and Yoshi's world.

To be continued...

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

Idiot Intermission

In the general lobby of Princess Peach's Castle, the not-so-merry band of seven known as Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Bowser Jr., and Toad had assembled to discuss a matter of national security: the future of the fanfiction.

Toad was pacing back and forth, as usual, unable to do anything…as usual.

Junior was viewing this pseudo-spectacle with the attention of a fly to rotting fruit.

Meanwhile, the other five were discussing the possible causes as to why the story's production had suddenly halted. The five debated politely like civilized common folk having a spot of tea; that is to say, they were arguing over it like a pack of kindergarteners.

"It-a was a kidnapping!", Luigi contended against Daisy, "That's-a why he doesn't-a update the story!"

"Oh, stop giving him so much credit! I bet he's on TV Tropes reading about clichés no one cares about!"

"Yoshi," Peach said, "what do you think Scrappy-Fan's doing?"

"Yoshi!"

"Yoshi, that's a disgusting thing to say."

It was then that Mario spoke.

"I-sa know what happened to the author."

"What?", everyone exclaimed.

"It's a dark tale, with a-no happy ending…"

A long time ago – no, wait - three months ago, Mario had decided to go to Scrappy-Fan's house to offer him some motivation to finish the next chapter of The Super Mario Show. He even brought flowers and chocolate for him. The author's family let him in and told Mario that Scrappy-Fan was in his room.

"Thank you very much!", Mario responded to the S-F family. He then ascended the stairs to head towards Scrappy-Fan's room. The door was closed, but Mario decided to let himself in as a surprise.

But when he opened the door, he saw something he could never unsee: Scrappy-Fan, in bed with…

Sonic fanfiction. Freaking Sonic fanfiction.

The author noticed Mario, who had caught him red-handed in his act of unfaithfulness.

"Uh, Mario this isn't what it looks like," the author said rather shakily.

Mario dropped the flowers and chocolate and left the house, repeatedly screaming "The betrayal!"

After the incident, Mario denounced Scrappy-Fan; he also didn't invite him to any of his birthday parties.

Soon, Scrappy-Fan fell into a deep depression, and soon no one heard from him again…

"That story's a load of baloney!", Daisy exclaimed.

"Mario, did you really denounce the author over Sonic fanfiction?", Peach asked.

"I'm-a never letting that-a hedgehog steal another fan from me!"

"Oy vey," Luigi moaned.

"Well, does-a anyone have a better explanation?"

At this question, Toad stopped pacing (causing Junior to break his own trance) and turned to Mario.

"I have a better explanation."

"What?"

"It all begins in a mother's basement…"

Scrappy-Fan was reading articles on TV Tropes, when he decided to go to FanFiction.net to finally continue work on his story. Upon reaching the site, however, he found a new section added to the site: It read "Fanfiction Writers."

His curiosity getting the better of him, Scrappy-Fan clicked on the section and saw that the story at the top of the page was titled "The Scrappy-Fan92 Show." The green author raised an eyebrow at the strange title, shrugged it off as a coincidence, and was about to move on to the stories below when he saw the story's author's name: Toad. Not Toad-Fan92, not Toad the Ninja, not Toad123, just Toad. The Toad.

Scrappy-Fan suddenly looked at all the numerous reviews (over 9000!) Toad's story had achieved. All of them were positive. Scrappy-Fan felt anger boiling inside as he realized that Toad had used his name (and probably his likeness) for his own gain. When Scrappy-Fan started his story, he asked the Mario gang for use of their names with the promise that he'd share all positive feedback that came with it. Toad on the other hand just took his name and expected him to sit back and let it slide.

"THAT MUSHROOM-EATING, DEAL-BREAKING, BUFFALO WING-DIPPING, TOILET-USING BAG OF SCUM!"

A few hours later, at Toad's mom's basement, Toad and the children he forced, err I mean hired, to work on The Scrappy-Fan92 Show were taking a break, as Mushroom Kingdom labor laws mandated such.

"Alright, you all have five minutes 'til we work on Chapter 12: Scrappy-Fan Grows a Third Eye!"

Toad was about to crack the whip on his child slaves/employees when Scrappy-Fan92 himself busted down the basement door, with a face that said die.

Scrappy-Fan began to descend the stairs to the basement floor so he could properly give Toad a piece of his mind.

"Alright Toad, you got a lot of nerve to be…WOAH!," the angry author's tirade was cut short as he tripped over a small child. Did I mention the basement's lighting was terrible?

"Silly kid," Toad snickered, "'Woahs' are for bandicoots."

"Don't lecture me, Fungus Face! I oughta kick your bottom all the way to the parking lot outside for your dumb story!"

"Story?", Toad asked trying to maintain false innocence. "What story? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Uhh, Mr. Toad?", one child asked, "How should we begin Chapter 12 of The Scrappy-Fan92 Show?"

Toad turned back to Scrappy-Fan, and smiled sheepishly.

"Kids you know, those crazy imaginations!"

Scrappy-Fan was not amused.

"You've got five seconds to run."

Toad skedaddled and quickly ran towards the stairs, but not before tripping over the same luckless kid.

"Oh, would you get out of the way?!", Toad screamed as he ran up and fled his house.

Scrappy-Fan pursued the shady Mushroom Retainer and chased him down the neighborhood sidewalk. He extended his hands and prepared to catch Toad. He was almost there, just a few more feet…

That is until, out of the blue, a truck came into the neighborhood, made a sharp turn, and successfully blocked Scrappy-Fan from Toad. Then, the truck's window rolled down, revealing another Toad wearing shades.

"Get in the car, Toad!"

Toad complied and climbed into the passenger seat as the truck backed up and drove off leaving Scrappy-Fan in the dust and the car exhaust.

"See ya, sucker!", Toad taunted as the truck went off into the sunset.

Scrappy-Fan just stood on the sidewalk, seething with rage. From that day on, he refused to work on another Mario story again…

Toad finished his tall tale to the disgust of his companions.

"Toad, that story was an even bigger load of baloney!", Daisy yelled.

"Like you guys' stories make any more sense!"

"They make more sense than yours!"

"Do not!"

"Yeah, they do!"

"Do not!"

"Yeah, they do!"

"Do not!"

"Yeah, they do!"

Meanwhile, Junior and Yoshi were conversing. Daisy took notice and, still seething from her argument with Toad, snapped at them.

"What're you lizards blabbing on about?!"

"Yoshi has his own story to tell. Take it away, Egghead!"

"Yoshi…"

One day, Scrappy-Fan was in his room, and then a UFO came and abducted him.

The end.

Yoshi finished his tale and walked away to get a snack.

The remaining six on the other hand were now beginning to feel hopeless about ever discovering the true fate of their sort of beloved author.

"It's-a hopeless!", Luigi cried, "We'll-sa never see him or hear his voice again!"

"Hey, guys."

"That annoying voice! We'll never hear it again for the rest of our…wait a minute…"

The six looked at the source of the voice, eyes wide open.

Yoshi came back into the lobby with a cupcake, and his eyes grew wide at the sight of the person they'd been looking for.

Standing tall with his flawless face, bulging muscles, and gorgeous hair, was the one, the only, the falsely described…

"SCRAPPY-FAN92!", Everyone cheered.

"Did you guys miss me?"

"No, we-sa missed your writing. Where were you, paisano?", Mario asked.

"I'll admit, I had a brief hiatus," Scrappy-Fan said.

"Yeah right!", Daisy yelled. "Two and a half years does a brief hiatus not make, Jerkface!"

"Okay, I can see you're all annoyed, and I'm sorry for that. But don't worry, I'll make it up to you today. Right after I read some TV Tropes!"

And with that, the author ran off to shun his responsibilities again, leaving the Mario gang with their jaws hanging open.

"We're not getting a new chapter for another two years, are we?", Peach asked.

"I said I was sorry!", came the author's voice from the distance.

Chapter Text

Previously on The Super Mario Show…

Principal Koopson: "Would you like a job here?"

Peach: "I'll do it."

Bowser Jr.: "SAY WHAT?!"

(Screen switches to Daisy in Peach's Castle as Peach, Junior, and Yoshi depart)

Daisy: "Well, this can't possibly go wrong."

(Screen switches to courtyard of Shroomside Education Academy)

Grayson: "Make sure you take out anyone who's associated with Mario and Luigi!"

Bowser Jr.: "It's the end of the world."

The Super Mario Show

Episode 4: Peach the Teach, Part 2

Bowser Jr. stood panting at the revelation he had been witness to. His parental unit was in danger. Some upstart in a mask was going to ruin an already ruined day. The local sports team failed to make it to the playoffs. The young Koopa Prince fell to his knees in despair.

"ALL IS LOST!", he bellowed.

"What are you talking about, Junior?", Peach asked. Junior flinched, not noticing that she had been behind him. He immediately sprung to his feet.

"Peach, you're in danger. That demon," Junior motioned with his right arm to Jenny, "is going to destroy you and me and the green guy!"

Peach glanced at Jenny, playing hopscotch and giggling, and the princess smiled.

"She looks so precious."

"Don't let the mask fool you, she's a trained assassin dispatched by an evil mastermind!"

"Yoshi."

"Yes, Yoshi, exactly like I was--I mean no! Not like me, I'm charismatically devious, she's just going to ruin your day!"

"And that makes her worse than you, why?"

"Because she's gonna wind up ruining my day, too!"

Peach sighed and clasped her hands.

"I understand. I think I know what's going on with you."

"You trust my villain's intuition so we can go home?"

"No, silly. You're just anxious about your first day of school and are afraid you won't make any new friends," Peach said with an authentic chuckle.

Junior screeched and raised his arm to protest, but his would-be hourlong screed that would inevitably detour into a lesson on the economic solvency of the Beanbean Kingdom was cut off by the school's bell.

Peach perked and clasped her hands again.

"Oh joy, it's time for school! Come along, children!"

The young students and Yoshi filed behind Peach, eager to start the day with their new instructor. Jenny filed last, staring at a still dumbfounded Junior. She swapped out her smiley face mask for an "angry" mask akin to the Bandits.

"See you in class, pal."

And with a giggle, she swapped back to her original mask and followed behind the other children into the school.

Junior remained motionless, terrified as a school custodian passed by sweeping up chalk drawings.

"Woo, I'd hate to be you today, kid. You look like you're in for the most awful day of your life. I mean, absolutely awful," the Hammer Brother (Broom Brother?) said as he continued sweeping.

"No, I don't think I am," Junior replied with a sudden sneer of determination. "If I'm going to be stuck in the school of hard knocks, then I'm delivering some hard knocks to the school's greatest threat...myuhahahahahahahahahaha."

The custodian just turned his head quizzically.

"Dude, you sound like an anime villain."

"Shut up! I'm the hero! And I'll prove it by saving this school, if I don't get bored first."

And Junior dashed forward into the school, beginning the process of formulating a plan to stop Jenny and save said school...if he didn't get bored first.

"Alright, class, let's discuss basic traffic signals in Toad Town," Peach motioned to a group of blackboard images with her teaching pointer.

Junior had situated himself into a desk in a humble-looking classroom some time ago and was already losing focus. He leaned over to another student.

"I don't think those glasses she's wearing are actually hers."

Jenny's hand shot up immediately after.

"Yes, Jenny," Peach said.

"Ms. Peach, Junior's asking another student for answers to next week's test!"

Junior scoffed and bristled at the accusation.

"That is preposterous! I already asked Tim in the bathroom."

"Junior, I've only been on the job for ten minutes, but I'm fairly certain asking for answers is against the rules. You lose a gold star for today."

Junior snarled at Jenny, who of course maintained a perfect smile through her mask.

Peach adjusted her glasses and turned to resume the lesson. Junior quickly scribbled on a piece of paper and handed the paper to one of the students.

"Pass this to Yoshi."

The student passed the note on to another student.

"Pass this to Yoshi."

The other student passed the note on to Jenny.

"Pass this to Yoshi."

Jenny nodded, but instead of passing the note she ducked underneath her desk and read the note for herself.

"'Dear Yoshi, I hope you are doing well. Class has been fun...and Jenny, continue reading this note while Yoshi raids your backpack, you Class-A sucker'?!"

Jenny crawled out from under her desk to discover that Yoshi had indeed nabbed the contents of her bookbag with his tongue.

"What the heck?", Jenny thought. With his mouth full, Yoshi then motioned for her to turn the note over, which she did.

"'This note will now self-destruct in three...two...one.'"

The note spontaneously combusted and covered Jenny's mask with ash right as the bell rang for dismissal. Peach tossed her pointer (through a glass window which knocked out the custodian) and began erasing the blackboard.

"Alright, class, time for gym! Today is dodgeball day!"

All students filed out of the door. Among the chatter, Bowser Jr. turned to stick his tongue out at Jenny, who was coughing from the explosion.

"Laugh it up, redhead," Jenny said between violent soot-filled hacks, "but the gym will be your gravesite."

In the gymnasium, all of the students of Peach's class stood in two lines on opposite ends of the room, Peach herself standing in the center holding a single dodgeball.

"Gym class, where children enter to become fierce warriors in the arena of mutual competition," Peach mused. "Where nothing is more important than having fun with your peers."

"And destroying your opponent's will to fight," Jenny muttered under her breath.

"What now?", Peach asked.

"I said, 'I love your shoes, Ms. Peach,'" Jenny uttered with a twirl.

Junior rolled his eyes.

"What a schmoozer. Hey, Yoshi, did you nab all of her stuff?"

Yoshi nodded and pulled out a list of the items he had placed in Junior's backpack.

"Alright, you got some pencils, a crayon box, a Dash Pepper, one Overthere Apple, and some spiced ham. I expected her to have something actually dangerous."

Yoshi listened to Junior go on and on...and on and on...but something caught his eye. A Mushroom simply shuffling across the (thankfully recently cleaned) gym floor.

"Yoshi!", and he had already opened his mouth to retrieve the tasty morsel.

"No don't, that's a Mini Mush-"

One gulp and a high-pitched power-up jingle later and Junior had to bend over to find his now downsized friend.

Jenny waved from the other side of the gym.

"I hate her so much."

Peach had continued discussing the long history of dodgeball without even noticing that one of the players had effectively been removed. None of Junior's classmates could inform her of Yoshi's situation due to being so bored with her lecture that they fell into a stupor. "Any and all players, regardless of size or species are eligible, which is what makes dodgeball one of the greatest sports. Before we begin playing, any questions?"

Junior waved frantically to get Peach's attention, but Jenny spoke up first.

"Ms. Peach, I think Yoshi went to the bathroom, is it okay if I sit the game out until he comes back?"

"It'd be best if we wait."

"I saw him eat five donuts on the way to the gym. I don't think he'll be back for a while."

"Hmm… well, you sitting out should be fair, then."

Before Junior could even go on an hourlong screed that would inevitably detour into an explanation of the agricultural practices of Isle Delfino and how its native inhabitants fought off the local fauna, Peach tossed her dodgeball into a basket of Double Cherries and blew the whistle to commence the game.

The dodgeball making contact with a single Double Cherry duplicated it, and then two dodgeballs made contact with the power-up and duplicated into four, and eight, and so on. Soon, half of the gym was filled with spherical weapons of doom, and a mad scramble from both sides to procure a ball and strike the opposing team's members began.

Junior looked around for another student on his side to help him, but the first one closest to him was immediately hit in the stomach with a dodgeball.

"Tell my mother I love her!", the Monty Mole child said before collapsing.

Junior looked behind and saw two more of his classmates had been picked off by Jenny's team. He gazed to his left and pondered running to Peach to pause the game...but then she was hit with a dodgeball and sent into the bleachers. He then gazed to his right and saw Yoshi scurrying to avoid being crushed by any dodgeballs that were bouncing freely.

"WAH!"

"Alright, my teammates are useless, the teacher's knocked out, and Yoshi's in danger of-"

"WAH!"

"In danger of-"

"WAH!"

"In dan-"

"AWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAH!"

"For Pete's sake, Yoshi, just eat the dodgeballs!"

Yoshi froze in place mid-run as the revelation hit him. He shrugged and opened his tiny mouth to extend his tongue and swallow a ball tossed in his vicinity. Yoshi's head immediately ballooned while trying to swallow the much larger object, but he succeeded.

Junior grinned. "Great, now we can-," he was cut off by a dodgeball thrown over him that grazed his hair.

"Ms. Peach, does hair contact qualify as elimination?", Jenny asked.

Peach raised a hand from the wrecked bleachers. "Hair contact does not count," and her hand fell as she passed out.

"Technicalities can't save you now, you walking drama mask!", Junior caught the next dodgeball tossed at him and did an underhand toss that bounced off the floor and hit one of Jenny's teammates in the chin.

"FOR THE HORDE!", Junior bellowed as he grabbed more of the idle dodgeballs on his side (that weren't getting eaten by Yoshi) and began tossing them rapidly at Jenny's team. A deluge of dodgeballs hit every member on the other side sans Jenny herself.

"You'll never escape!", Junior said as he tossed his final dodgeball. Jenny grabbed one of the dodgeballs that had felled her comrades and held it out to deflect the one tossed at her and send it flying back to Junior.

"Ack!" Junior screamed and jumped back to avoid getting hit but lost his balance and fell on his back...err, shell.

Meanwhile, Yoshi took the opportunity to eat the ball that Junior had narrowly dodged, growing back to his original size.

He yelped out of joy and stuck his arms out in the air...and then got hit in the nose with a ball tossed by Jenny.

Junior was flailing his limbs, unable to regain his footing due to his shell weighing him down. His vision was obscured, but he could make out a pink figure walking past the gym's dividing line to meet him personally. Jenny stood over him holding a dodgeball, her mask a dissonant symbol of happiness as she plotted academic revenge.

"My, how the tables turn."

"Have mercy."

"I would, but you heard the teacher. Hair contact just isn't enough to eliminate you."

And so she spiked the ball directly at Junior's face. Junior's vision had gone hazy at that point, and all he could make out were the voices of Yoshi panicking and Jenny laughing before she said "Ms. Peach, Junior hurt himself and he needs medical attention!"

High above the skies of the Mushroom Kingdom, one of Bowser's auxiliary airships was flying through a nearby forest. The airship had to be deployed because Bowser had let Iggy pilot the Clown Car before the poor boy crashed it into a nearby volcano. Bowser, Iggy, and Kamek were the only passengers aboard, and their discussion was of the utmost urgency.

"Okay, so two consoles have been released since the last chapter," Bowser said.

"Yes, sire, and the second of the two is also a handheld with detachable controllers," Kamek continued.

"Do the controllers work?"

"They kind of drift a lot, to be perfectly frank," Iggy said while steering the airship from the control room.

"Okay, so what's this Splatoon thing I keep hearing about?", Bowser asked.

Kamek replied. "You take Bloopers, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you dip them in that magic goo we spread around Isle Delfino, okay?"

"Yeah."

"...And you give them the power to shift to two-legged forms that shoot paint out of toy guns."

"So they're both kids and squids."

"Precisely, sire."

"Do the kids or squids know how to swim?"

"Only in their own ink, sire."

"Gross!", Iggy yelled out from the control room.

Junior opened his eyes to find himself on a bed in the school infirmary. He looked over to find Yoshi and several other students sitting on chairs holding ice packs over their afflicted body parts.

"What happened?", Junior asked.

Peach came into the infirmary, also holding an ice pack over her head. "Oh, Junior, thank goodness you're awake! I'm so sorry, things got out of hand and I blacked out. Jenny said you tossed a ball at me by mistake and in the confusion you got hit and fell on your shell."

"That...is admittedly half-true."

"Well, I forgive you."

"No, I meant I didn't throw anything at you! And Yoshi didn't 'go to the bathroom,' either!"

One kid icing his left shoulder interjected.

"Yeah, he went to the bathroom on the gym floor after he took a dodgeball to the face."

"You were passed out, genius. For all you know, he did it before he took the dodgeball to the face."

"YOSHI!"

"Okay, enough. Clearly, I'm missing some things," Peach said, "Junior, Yoshi, what happened?"

"Jenny is a demon! She gave a Mini Mushroom to Yoshi and she definitely crossed the gym line to hit me right in the face with a dodgeball!", Junior declared.

The school nurse who was looking through the school's medical records shook her head as she paged through the book of records.

"If I hear or read the word 'dodgeball' one more time today, I'm going to take a chainsaw to someone's desk."

Peach rubbed her temples and sighed.

"Alright, I believe you. But we have no proof."

Junior jumped to his feet.

"Leave that to me!", he said.

Half an hour later, Peach and her students had regathered in homeroom for the second-to-last class of the day.

Peach had donned a lab coat over her dress and was writing out "science class" in all capital letters on the blackboard. Unfortunately, her hand slipped as she began writing out the "N" and the chalk screeched against the board diagonally.

"My ears! Tell my wife I love her!", one Goomba student said as she jumped through the first-floor window to the safety of the courtyard's playground.

"What?! I couldn't hear you over the incessant screeching of an outdated academic display tool!", Junior replied, his hands clasped around the sides of his head.

Peach resumed writing on the blackboard, the sound of chalk to board growing more diabolical as the chalk ran out. Peach herself was growing disconcerted with the noise, but powered through.

"This was your master plan to get rid of Jenny? Everyone else in this class will be gone before her," Peach muttered under her breath, not that she'd need to due to the aforementioned sound of chalk drowning out everything else.

"Yosh!"

"Why no, Yoshi," Jenny said while sitting at her desk contentedly, "...I'm just fine."

Junior snarled and began muttering to himself, "Laugh it up, Jenny, but even teacher's pets crack eventually."

Peach continued her writing, replacing her sanded-down piece of chalk with a replenished one, her eyes tearing up as she continued to subject herself and her students to the screeching.

"Oh gosh, would somebody please stop this?", Peach thought.

Meanwhile, within the airspace of Shroomside, a moderately sized airship was fast approaching, with Bowser onboard. The Koopa King folded his arms at the sight of the academy.

"This is so much roomier than my Clown Car, I can't believe we almost went through the invasion without it. Iggy, prepare the landing gear!"

"Yes, King Dad...wait, what's that?"

"What's what?", Kamek asked.

"It's a frequency our sensors are picking up. It's overloading our systems!"

"Have you considered taking a blunt object and applying meticulous force to the computer systems at regular intervals?", Kamek asked.

"No, I haven't!", Iggy said as he grabbed Kamek and used him as a bludgeon against the ship's main console three times.

Bowser snarled.

"Iggy, you dolt...you gotta put your back into it," Bowser said as he snatched Kamek away from him and swung him down three more times into the console, this time with an overhead technique.

After the impromptu thrashing, Kamek adjusted his cracked glasses.

"I hate my life."

"Iggy, did it work?"

"No, Dad, the frequency's still coming through, it's frying the main computer's circuit boards!"

The main systems of the pilot room were indeed beginning to spark, black smoke emerging from under the panels. The airship would soon begin to lose altitude while also picking up speed…

Bowser, Iggy, and Kamek viewed the main screen of the pilot room to see that they were heading on a collision course with Shroomside itself. Bowser suddenly donned a bubble pipe and a yacht club owner's hat.

"Gentlemen, it has been an honor...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Back in Peach's classroom, she was barely able to even write out another word on the board. She let out a huff and slumped against the blackboard in defeat.

"Junior, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

"What?!"

"This has just been a day of unwarranted abuses and hardly any learning."

"What?!"

"And honestly, I don't think I even have a license to teach science."

Peach's lamentations were not only drowned out by the temporary loss of hearing by her students from the chalk but also by the steadily growing sound of engines heading directly toward her school.

Peach looked to the window and jumped.

"MAMMA MIA!", and Peach ducked for cover as an airship crashed through the windows, half-lodged into the classroom itself.

The front of the ship groaned as Bowser pried it open from the inside with his claws.

"Junior," Bowser muttered dazedly as he stumbled out of the wreckage and onto the class floor proper, "...we've come to save you!"

"Oh for Pete's sake, I don't need you today!", Peach said while attempting to shoo Bowser away.

Bowser's disoriented gaze turned to that of pure derision.

"YOU!", he said pointing a claw at Peach, "...this is your fault! Taking my own son from me!"

"I saved him from a dungeon!"

"You saved him from the only home he'd ever known! You want a kid, adopt them like I did with Iggy!"

A weak "'Sup" slithered out of the wreckage of the airship, but with no Iggy in sight for the denizens of the classroom.

Peach and Bowser continued arguing over parenting styles, unaware that Jenny had left her desk and was trying to sneak over to the fire alarm. She flinched upon feeling a sudden thump on the back of her head. A giant novelty eraser landed on the ground beside her, and Jenny turned to see Junior brandishing another one while standing on a desk.

"Going somewhere, Jenneth?", Junior asked.

"Just trying to defuse the situation here."

"What a lovely endeavor, I support you fully!", Junior said with a mock-courteous tone as he turned to walk over to his backpack lying on the ground.

Junior rummaged through the pack, looking through his contraband for a useful item. He tossed out the Dash Pepper and it sailed over Yoshi's head. Yoshi raised his head and extended his tongue to catch the errant fruit and swallowed it whole. Yoshi smiled and felt content.

And then his pupils dilated.

Meanwhile, at Peach's Castle, the Mario Brothers, Daisy, and Toad were watching a nature documentary on TV.

"Okay, so the Dash Pepper isn't an indigenous fruit of the Mushroom Kingdom," Daisy inquired.

"No, it's a rare-a morsel. Not-a grown here normally," Mario replied.

Luigi interjected, holding a flashlight under his face for dramatic effect.

"Any-a mortal who eats it will-a feel their-sa motor functions enhanced by the intergalactic powers of the Dash-a Pepper...if they survive."

"Thankfully, the effects will-a wear off after a short-a time," Mario added, "Just don't-a use it in-a confined spaces."

In the meantime, Yoshi's eyes were watering at the intense heat he had just consumed, and he could feel that same heat not dissipating, but rising. His skin began changing, going from its usual green tone to a blazing red-orange. Junior could feel a sudden temperature increase in his vicinity and turned to see his friend undergoing a sudden change.

"Uh, teacher, one of your students is about to spontaneously combust!", a Blooper child said.

But Peach and Bowser were too busy arguing to pay any notice. Junior thought it would be for the best if he left before the carnage began and attempted to open the door, but he found that it was too late as Yoshi let out a scream of pain that snapped every remaining ignorant combatant and spectator in the classroom out of their ignorance.

The Dash Pepper had taken full effect and Yoshi was merely going along for the ride. Yoshi dashed towards Junior at a speed that would make Koopa the Quick blush and the young ex-tyrant could do little but retreat into his shell and take the brunt of the impact. Yoshi narrowly avoided the spikes on Junior's shell through a sharp turn and was now headed for Peach and Bowser.

Peach dived out of the way, leaving Yoshi to steamroll Bowser instead. Not content with simple horizontal movement, Yoshi began running up the walls, leaving a trail of fire behind him. The flames closest to Peach's desk flickered near her chemistry set and set the multitude of chemicals ablaze. Peach raised her head from the floor to see several of her test tubes and beakers glowing and violently shaking, their contents overflowing from the heat.

"This has not been my day."

The smallest beaker exploded and caused the container next to it to explode as well, setting off a chain reaction that sent a host of rainbow-colored smoke clouds into the air as if it were some kind of perverse fireworks display.

Kamek peaked his head out from the airship and noticed the carnage unfolding.

"Prince Iggy, I believe it's time we go," and he levitated the unconscious Bowser from the floor with a wave of his wand and ushered him out of a window. Kamek and Iggy exited the airship and leapt outside to find a getaway vehicle.

"Look, Kamek!", Iggy said pointing toward the adjacent parking lot at a car whose driver, a green Shy Guy, had just exited.

"I sure do hope Jenny took care of those cretins," the Shy Guy exclaimed.

Iggy pushed him out of the way and took his car keys as he and Kamek entered the car and Kamek ceased his magic to drop Bowser's body on the roof.

"What the-?", the Shy Guy exclaimed.

"We commandeer this vehicle in the name of the Koopa Kingdom! We thank you for your involuntary cooperation," Iggy said.

Iggy prepared to leave the school grounds…and proceeded to back up into a fire hydrant. The car went forward and turned...and proceeded to bang itself against a lamppost. Finally, the car reversed, oriented itself toward the exit, and drove off into the forest.

Back in the classroom, the chemicals were continuing their combustion while Yoshi sprinted around the room. Junior peered out of his shell and surveyed the situation: Peach had gone to a corner of the room to rock back and forth in the fetal position, all of the students sans Jenny had jumped out the window to the safety of the courtyard, and a half-wrecked airship was still lodged into the classroom with no pilot in sight.

Junior fully retreated from his shell and returned to his feet.

"Yeah, this, this went off the rails."

"AWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAH!", Yoshi screamed as he zoomed past Junior and collided into the blackboard nose-first, his speed finally lessened over time.

"Well, it's been nice, but I think I'll be leaving," Junior concluded as he pried Yoshi from the blackboard and grabbed Peach's hand to escort her out the window.

Jenny could barely muster her thoughts at this turn of events.

"You're just up and leaving?! Our showdown is not over, mister!"

"Yes it is."

"On what grounds?!"

"On the grounds that I got bored, and I wanna watch TV. Smell ya!"

And the three jumped out to the courtyard, leaving Jenny alone.

Jenny was incredulous, furious even. But, she realized that she was the last one standing. Two of her foes would be too traumatized to return to Shroomside, and the other would gladly accept expulsion to never set foot here again.

"I've won. I got rid of them!", Jenny exclaimed to herself. "I can't wait to tell Daddy that I did it all single-handedly! All of this?", she motioned with her stubby arms, "This is all me!"

"Well, it's nice to have a confession," said an unknown voice.

Jenny tensed and turned her head behind her to see Principal Koopson, who had just opened the door to see a room that had been made into a warzone.

"Ah, crud."

"Jenny, as punishment for this, you'll be in charge of polishing every single dodgeball in the gym for the rest of the month. And I mean every single dodgeball."

Principal Koopson finished delegating Jenny's punishment just as the school nurse had passed by, suddenly tensing at the mention of the word "dodgeball."

She let out a warrior cry and ran for Koopson's office, pulling out a chainsaw as she laughed maniacally.

Koopson's eyes bulged out as he ran for his office.

"Not my Super Bell mahogany!"

Back at Peach's Castle, Bowser Jr., Peach, and Yoshi informed the others in the living room of what had transpired.

"We barely made out alive!", Junior declared.

"To be perfectly honest, I'd be surprised if your first day at school didn't end with chemical arson!", Toad chirped.

"Toad, I'm only going to say this once, but I've missed your screechy voice," Junior said.

"I can't believe my first day as a teacher will probably be my last day," Peach said, her chin on her palms.

Junior winced at the consequences of his impromptu victory.

"Well, at least that's one day you got to spend with your subjects. We've all learned a valuable lesson," Junior said.

"We've literally learned nothing," Peach retorted.

Junior raised a hand to argue, but silently nodded in agreement.

"Okay, but if I had to learn nothing from you, I'm happy that I also learned nothing with you."

Peach flashed a small smile.

"Thank you, Junior...I think."

Meanwhile in the forest, Iggy and Kamek's getaway car was losing speed due to lack of gas. The road was also getting bumpier due to the roots. The car ran over a root and jumped, knocking Bowser off the roof.

"Hey, Kamek, do you feel like we just got lighter?"

Kamek looked at the rearview mirror to see his employer passed out on the dirt ground. He adjusted the mirror and shrugged at Iggy.

"Nope."

"Well, I hope we get home soon. Morton and Lemmy need me to referee their dodgeball game tonight!"

Suddenly, the nurse appeared from out of a thicket, chainsaw in tow. She jammed the blade into the front of the car, evoking screams from Iggy and Kamek.

"Why does this always happen to me?!", Kamek said ruefully.

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

Episode 5: The Road to Kolorado, Part 1

Within Peach's Castle, a metallic squeaking sound echoed throughout the halls. Within one of the guest bathrooms, Mario, underneath the sink, was meticulously turning a wrench around the sink's pipe, with Luigi serving as a sort of lookout akin to a spotting partner at a gym. Peach stood to Luigi's left, observing Mario's handiwork as well.

"Just a little more-a tightly, Bro," Luigi instructed. "Wait, that's-a it!", he proclaimed as Mario gave one last turn to the pipe and removed himself from underneath.

Mario wiped some sweat from his brow and retrieved his hat from the towel rack.

"That should be-a the right adjustment, Princess. Your water won't-a bother you anymore," Mario proclaimed jovially.

Peach breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Oh, thank you so much, Mario. I'm always so happy to have you around when there's a problem."

"Oh, it was-a nothing, Princess," Mario replied, scratching the back of his head at the monarch's praise.

"I was-a wondering, Princess, how did the water go awry?", Luigi asked.

"Well, it started when Toadsworth was fly fishing…"

As if on cue, Toadsworth burst through the guest bathroom doors, panting and shivering.

"Your Majesty!"

Yes, Toadsworth?"

"It has awoken."

Peach's rosy face suddenly became ghostly pale and she began wringing her hands.

"Toadsworth, how bad?"

Before Toadsworth could answer, a cacophony of shrieks reverberated throughout the Castle. The Brothers, Peach, and Toadsworth exited the bathroom, only to discover that the shrieks grew louder. Whether this development was due to the non-aggrieved party shifting to a less isolated location or the sounds of the panicked Toads growing in intensity, would be answered by one of the Toads barreling down the hall.

"Dear gravy, she wasn't supposed to be up this early!", the Toad wailed as he turned the corner to flee from the unknown threat.

Mario cocked his head to the side quizzically.

"What in the world…?"

The plumber tensed as another shriek, one slightly more distinct to his ears if only through repeated exposure, pierced the air. Toad (as in, "the" Toad) came running down the hall before losing his footing and skittering the rest of the way toward Mario.

"Toad, what's-a going on?"

Toad regained his footing and grabbed Mario to shake him by his overalls.

"We thought we could coexist with the beast, but we were fools!", Toad bellowed as he collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor.

Peach continued wringing her hands, looking around for the source of the castle denizens' distress.

Yet another shriek occurred, this time from Bowser Jr., the young Koopa prince turning the corner the prior Toad had exited from and making his way to Mario and co.

"Toad, is this sector safe? Are we safe?" Junior asked. "Oh, hi Peach."

"Can-a someone please tell us what's-a going on?", Mario asked.

Then, the very ground began to shake. Junior raised a limp hand to direct Mario to the corner from which he had turned, which led to the foyer.

Mario turned back to the group and promptly asked, "Okey-dokey, who-a wants to help me get-a to the bottom of this?"

Peach wrung her hands some more, Junior began to nervously whistle whilst averting his gaze from Mario's questioning face, Toadsworth pulled out his pocket watch, and Toad continued to sob as Luigi began making his way towards the opposite direction of the foyer.

Mario groaned.

"D'oh! If we all-a hold-a hands, will you feel-a better?"

"Yes," the others answered emphatically.

Mario made his way down the hall, forming a handholding chain link in the order of Luigi, Peach, Toadsworth, Toad, and Junior. Mario poked his head out into the foyer and found that half of the entrance floor had been made into a warzone. The group followed the fresh trail of carnage and clambered up the stairs to the 2nd Floor hallway. Finally, Mario saw in the distance what had struck terror into the castle's denizens.

Daisy, appearing more rattled and frenzy-eyed than usual, was lumbering her way through the hall, leaving a path of broken vases and screaming fungi in her wake.

"Have mercy!", one Toad screamed as Daisy lifted him overhead and tossed him at the nearest piece of furniture.

"Mario, help!", another Toad screeched as the princess lunged for him and sent him flying through a wall.

Daisy heaved a belabored sigh and continued advancing down the hall akin to a horror movie monster, her eyes searching for her wrath's next target. She laid eyes on Mario, whom was the first of his group to tread into the open to survey the damage. The plumber grinned sheepishly and gave a weak wave.

"Mamma Mia…"

Daisy, now assuming a more primal stance, hissed and broke out into a run, ready to attack Mario. Mario stood his ground and gulped.

Suddenly, one of the bathroom doors opened, and a young female Toad with pink pigtails exited, smiling a wide innocent smile. She turned to Daisy and waved hello.

"Oh, hi Dai--WOAH!" Toadette could not even finish her greeting before Daisy grabbed her by one of her pigtails and tossed her like a discus through one of the hallway windows and into the moat.

"Mario…," Daisy hissed as she charged for the plumber again.

"I regret-a getting out of-a bed this morning."

Luigi, amidst his hyperventilating, clapped the sides of his face to psych himself up. From out of his hiding spot, he leapt in front of Mario, as the green brother's teeth chattered intensely.

"No, Daisy! Take-a me instead!"

Daisy ground to a halt at the sight of Luigi, her eyes returning to their clearer appearance instead of the manic glare she possessed previously. She blinked and shook her head briskly.

"Wait, what's going on? I feel like I just woke up from a deep slee-"

The errant princess was cut off by another bathroom door swinging open and whacking her square in the face. The occupant, Yoshi, walked out with a box of donuts in hand.

"Huh?", Yoshi exclaimed as he looked to his right to see a downed Daisy laid out on the floor.

Luigi, too occupied with his attempt at self-sacrifice, had not even noticed this turn of events. He opened one eye upon realizing no one had made any movements towards him. "Am I-a dead yet?", he asked.

Peach, Toad, and Toadsworth emerged from their hiding spot and approached Daisy's unconscious body with Mario.

"My word, she's out like a light," Toadsworth observed.

"You try potions and hypnosis to get her to sleep, and all Yoshi needed was a door," Toad huffed.

"This is the worst I've ever seen her. I can't run a kingdom if all my servants are getting chucked through the upholstery," Peach said, surveying the damage and observing one of the Toads attempting to dislodge the other from a chair.

"Wait a minute," Luigi said, eventually making his way to Daisy, "are you-a telling me this-a has been periodic?"

"Daisy's mood has been uncharacteristically...violent," Peach admitted.

"I have the lumps to prove it," Toad muttered under his breath.

"Hmm," Mario rubbed his chin as he paced the hall, "perhaps this is-a not-a Daisy's fault. When did this-a start?"

"About a month ago, Master Mario," Toadsworth answered. "If I recall, Princess Daisy made a trip to the attic and her mood deteriorated substantially afterward."

Mario pondered the series of events told to him and adjusted his hat. "Then, it's-a time we visit that attic. LET'S-A... head to the top-a floor in a calm and-a orderly fashion."

Luigi, Toad, and Peach nodded and began to follow Mario. Toadsworth stayed behind to tend to Daisy. Peach then stopped.

"Wait!", Peach exclaimed.

Mario turned around. "Hmm?"

"Before I forget...Yoshi, why were you eating donuts in the bathroom?", Peach asked.

Yoshi's eyes narrowed at the question and he backed away into the bathroom before shutting the door.

"Okay, now we can go," Peach said.

It was at this moment that Junior finally emerged from his hiding spot.

"Guys, is it safe to come out now?"

Just then, Daisy stirred and sat up to face Junior.

"...Junior?"

The Koopa's eyes widened in fear as he scattered in place.

"Oh no, I made eye contact!"

Junior dashed towards the nearest window and flung himself through it.

"Would everyone please stop breaking my windows?!", Peach cried exhaustedly.

She received no audible answer from anyone, except a dull thud as a body fell into the moat.

"We should-a get-a going, some of those Toads might-a be hiding in the attic," Mario said.

"Did you hear that, Master Junior?", Toadsworth called out from the hall, "Master Mario is leading an investigation party to the attic!"

Junior called out from, er, outside. "Hey! You guys go on ahead! Oh, and don't worry! Toadette broke my fall!"

"Oooowwww…"

Mario's group made their way through the upper floors to the attic, drawing any Toads out of hiding and assuaging them of their fears by mentioning Daisy's absence.

Peach jumped for the pull string to bring down the attic ladder, and the four ascended.

Peach reached the attic first and flipped the light switch. She was quickly greeted by a pillow being thrown at her face.

"Why?"

A Toad with purple spots and a satchel emerged from behind a dusty mirror.

"Sorry, Princess. We thought you were Daisy, 'cause, you know, you two kind of look the same in the dark," Mailtoad admitted.

Peach inhaled deeply, and Mario blinked, because, if he wasn't hallucinating, it looked like she was holding back tears from such an innocuous comment.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Everyone, it's safe to come out now. Daisy is under Toadsworth's care and won't be going on any more homicidal rampages…" Peach stated. "...I hope," she finished under her breath.

Mailtoad nodded and waddled out of the attic, soon followed by a handful of other Toads chattering amongst themselves as they passed Mario and clambered down the ladder.

"Thank you for looking out for us, Princess."

"I hope the furniture is intact."

"When's the next Direct?"

Mario's group began rummaging through the various knick-knacks stored in the attic. Luigi picked up a vinyl record and blew away some of its dust...into Mario's face.

"Mamma Mi-a...a...a... choo!", Mario exclaimed as he flew back into a stack of trunks. One of the trunks fell over, spilling its contents, consisting of some old legal papers and a yellow and blue parasol.

The parasol shook and blinked.

"That was a rush!", the parasol, Perry, said as he tried to stand up. "Oh, hello, Princess."

Peach blushed with embarrassment and placed her hands on the sides of her face.

"Oh, Perry, did we leave you here all this time? No sunlight, no visitors?"

"Oh no, I was here for a solitary space! It's fine, I have a Game Boy!", Perry declared.

"You have my Game Boy!", Toad yelled as he investigated the trunk to find his missing possession. "I've been looking for this for weeks!"

"You've got, like, seven, can't you spare one?"

"How did you steal it? You don't even have hands!"

"Perhaps not, but I do have a retractable canopy!", Perry said as he leapt, opened his canopy, and snapped it shut over Toad's head in a matter of seconds. Toad let out a muffled scream and went scurrying around the room.

Luigi sobbed and fell to his knees at this latest act of wanton violence. "Waah! Are we-a destined to become-a feral beasts lacking in all reason?"

Toad stumbled backward into Luigi and they all collapsed into another trunk, this one falling to the ground and spilling out a large diamond.

"Well, look at that," Peach said. She and the Brothers approached it and glanced at its aura. Upon closer look, the seemingly clear color of the diamond belied a streak of purple energy coursing through the gem as an electron would circle the nucleus of an atom.

Toad finally pried Perry off his head, seething with rage.

"Wait 'til I find my safety scissors, then you'll really be in for i--hey! So that's where she hid it!"

Mario, Luigi, and Peach turned back to him.

"Toad, start explaining."

"What do you mean by 'discovering an artifact in the basement'?", Toadsworth demanded.

Mario and co. had returned from the attic, having placed the diamond back in a trunk that they could easily drag to the foyer. There was a sense of unease when the four attempted to hoist the gemstone manually, so Peach opted to knock it into the trunk with her heels. Toad rubbed his temples and began to retell his story.

"As I explained in the attic, a few months back, Daisy and I decided to do some exploring in the basement."

"The Basement of-a Many Wonders," Luigi said dreamily.

"Yes, thank you, Luigi. As I was saying, Daisy and I went looking for unclaimed knick-knacks and we found that fancy jewel in a cellar. We both touched it at the same time and as you could imagine, there was no honor among thieves that day, so I was immediately suspected of trying to keep it for myself."

"Which you-a probably were," Mario interjected.

"Details, details," Toad retorted. "I wasn't just going to let Daisy hoard our treasure for herself, so I challenged her for it."

"And I'm guessing you lost," Toadsworth observed.

"The cheat foot-stooled me and ran off," Toad grumbled. "I never knew where she put it, so I searched everywhere. I started with the showers, but only found you, old man."

"Yeah, that's the reason you were snooping around the tubs the other day," Junior remarked sarcastically as he wrung out the water from his hair.

Toad's face turned red and he glared at Junior.

"Any and all negative behavior was strictly in pursuit of that diamond!"

"I think Toad is telling the truth."

Peach walked into the foyer carrying a dusty history textbook.

"This book was residing in a room adjacent to where Toad said he found the gem, and it may be the key to understanding our current situation," Peach mused.

Toadsworth perked up at the sight of the book and handed the heating pad he was using on Daisy to a beleaguered Toadette.

"Ah yes, the old Mushroom Kingdom Geographical History Book may be the answer!"

Peach flipped through the pages and stopped 60 pages in as she began reading aloud.

"Look here! 'Archeologists report a mystical gemstone, both powered by and emitting pure malice, that formerly resided in Dry Dry Desert. Due to its inherent properties, the gemstone was referred to as the Super Acrimonious Diamond, with ownership of it given to the Toadstool family for safekeeping. According to reports from servants, members of House Toadstool were driven mad by the gem's powers for six straight days before a Magikoopa transported it to the lower recesses of the Castle in a trunk, enchanted with a magic seal.'"

"Some lousy seal if Toad could bypass it," Junior said.

"I am literally right here."

"I know."

Peach continued reading. "'The seal was to keep the Diamond's powers contained, but it could be broken by anyone approaching. The Royal Family used this disadvantage as a cautionary tale, warning all denizens that in order to avoid unleashing the Diamond's evil upon the world again, they must possess an intelligence of at least rudimentary levels, unlike the common Goomba, who is the underling of underli'--Oh my goodness! Who wrote this?!"

"Your grandfather, Your Majesty," Toadworth replied.

Peach huffed. "Grandpa was a troubled man. This is just--this is just intolerant!"

"If it makes you feel better, the Goombas in my Kingdom believe you're all idiots, too," Junior mentioned.

"I guess we have to be to deal with this," Toadette said, motioning her thumb to the half-conscious Daisy lying on a couch behind her.

"You wanna say that to my face, pinkylo--hahaha," Daisy could not even finish her slurred idle threat as she flopped off the couch onto the floor.

"There's-a even-a worse news," Mario declared as he began skimming through the book himself.

"He's right," Peach concurred. "The worst part is here. Those who were exposed to the Diamond's presence the longest will become more and more violent over time, with their malice feeding the gem, which then makes it appear more desirable to the corrupted. Unchecked, this rage will overtake all other personality traits."

"Stupid Daisy probably checking in on that thing every day. I should be the one suffering from gem-induced madness!", Toad whined.

Mario looked through the textbook for additional information. "The Diamond's-a power is dangerous to-a begin with, and it-a grows exponentially in-a the presence of 'concentrated organic malice.' If only we-a knew a bambino of ill-a temperament…" Mario pondered over the information.

Junior chuckled. "Ha! Hid your karma rock in a basement and let me stay here for free like a bunch of suckers."

"I'm not a sucker," Peach countered, "I just love you, silly."

Junior gagged and covered his mouth with one of his hands.

"Why would you say such a thing to me? Do you want my insides to declare war on me?"

"Now you know how Daisy and Toad feel. Look at them."

Peach motioned to Toad about to snip Perry's canopy apart with his safety scissors. Toad noticed all attention was on him and quickly tossed away his scissors while whistling nervously. Luigi approached Daisy and clasped her hand between his.

"Mario, we gotta do-a something," Luigi said.

"Peach, isn't there-a anything we can try?", Mario asked.

Peach glanced through the book once more, skimming through some of the more offensive pages.

"'Unbeknownst to the first generation of Toadstool guardians, archeologists discovered a sister gem of sorts that is also located in Dry Dry Desert. It is said to be able to neutralize the effects of the Super Acrimonious Diamond. While it was found in a temple hidden in plain sight, the expedition to retrieve said sister gem was cut short for unknown reasons.'"

Mario snapped his fingers.

"That's-a it! We'll-a make a trip to the desert and find that-a gem! Right, Luigi?"

Luigi gulped and twiddled his fingers.

"But Mario, we'd-a need a map."

"Should be one in my study that can provide you the quickest way to the center of the desert," Toadsworth chirped.

"And we'd-a need some supplies, some power-ups…"

"Take my collection in my room. I don't want to see any more food for the rest of the century," Junior mentioned, his face turning green.

"And we'd-a... we'd-a need an exploration team."

"I'll make the arrangements," Peach said. "Mario, you're familiar with Professor Kolorado, aren't you? I can call him and request his presence."

"Now-a that's a dream team!", Mario declared. "We'll-a find that-a gem and get-a everything back to normal, Princess. That's-a what heroes do...right, Luigi?"

Luigi was trying to sneak away, but Daisy's anguished groans forced him to turn back to Mario.

"Yeah, Bro, that's-a what we do. We'll-a save you, Daisy, and everyone-a here."

"Great, mission start, right?", Junior asked. "Good, 'cause I need to get to a bathroom ASAP!"

Junior scurried off to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

"Yoshi!"

"No, Yoshi, I do not want a donut, I'm about to toss my cookies!"

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Previously on The Super Mario Show…

(Fade in to footage of Daisy tossing Toadette through a window as Peach narrates)

Peach: "Daisy's mood has been uncharacteristically...violent."

(Narration continues as screen cuts to Daisy charging at Mario, then Daisy getting slammed in the face with a door, then Perry attacking Toad, then Peach and co. in the foyer as Peach reads from the history book detailing Dry Dry Desert)

Peach: "Those who were exposed to the Diamond's presence the longest will become more and more violent over time, with their malice feeding the gem, which then makes it appear more desirable to the corrupted. Unchecked, this rage will overtake all other personality traits."

Mario: "We'll-a find that-a gem and get-a everything back to normal, Princess."

The Super Mario Show

Episode 6: The Road to Kolorado, Part 2

In the foyer, Peach was patting down Mario and Luigi's backpacks, filled to the brim with power-ups for their latest mission. Mario was resolute, calm, collected. Luigi...was not.

"I wanna go home, Mario."

"And I want an antacid, but we don't always get what we want in life," Junior snarked, nursing his stomach still.

"Dry Dry Desert is your destination. Professor Kolorado and his treasure relocation associates will join you there. Remember, everything you need is in these backpacks," Peach said confidently. "And everything that's not in the backpacks you don't need."

"Except for gauze, we couldn't fit that," Toadette admitted.

"Alrighty then, we're-a off!", Mario declared as he and Luigi walked off to leave the Castle and take the Warp Pipe to Dry Dry Desert.

"Take-a care of Daisy and Toad," Luigi murmured as the two exited.

"Don't worry, Luigi, we've got Daisy in a nice chair surrounded by nice, comfy rope," Peach said.

"I picked out the rope!", Toad said just as Luigi shut the door behind him. "And they're already gone."

Junior, who had just finished chugging a bottle of ginger ale, turned to Peach with some concern on his face.

"Peach, something's been bothering me mentally while my stomach was bothering me physically."

"And what's that?"

"Is the Diamond – the one that isn't totally evil – hidden in plain sight in the temple, or is the temple housing the Diamond the thing that's hidden in plain sight?"

"I dunno," Peach said with a shrug. "Word order and commas are important, but not to the people writing the history book it seems."

Mario and Luigi walked through the path leading away from Peach's Castle into the forest, discussing the strange events that would take them on their mission.

"So, you're-a meeting Professor Kolorado face-to-face for the first-a time?", Mario asked.

"Yep," Luigi said.

"He's-a quite eccentric."

"Well, he'll-a be in good-a company."

"Hmm."

"Hey, Mario?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think Peach noticed we-a changed back into our old-a clothes before leaving?"

Mario blinked and actually took a good look at Luigi, who had changed back into his traditional green and blue attire. Mario looked down at himself and saw he was wearing his red and blue getup.

"Wait, we-a changed clothes?"

What would have been a long uncomfortable silence – both Brothers seeking to avoid broaching the subject to the best of their abilities – was thankfully broken quickly as the two approached the Warp Pipe to take them to Dry Dry Desert. The Pipe was shiny and clean, recently refurbished after a period of extensive repairs.

"Alright, Luigi. On-a the other side is a treasure hunt for our friends. Ready to jump in?"

"Age-a before beauty?", Luigi asked nervously.

Mario gave him "that look" and gestured to the Pipe.

Luigi sighed and leapt in, banging his forehead on the Pipe's rim before falling down to the pipeline below.

"Have to-a practice your form, Luigi!", Mario called down before he dove into the Pipe himself.

Dry Dry Desert - Population: Who cares?

Luigi read the sign and wiped some sweat from his now bruised forehead. It wasn't just hot, it was hot.

A rumbling...okay, that otherworldly woodwind sound came from the Pipe that Mario had entered. Mario exited the Pipe to survey his surroundings, also greeted by a heat capable of melting a thousand buckets of tungsten.

He sighed almost longingly, not too bothered so long as he had his trusty hat. A drowsy-eyed bird then swooped down and attempted to snatch his headwear.

Mario turned around and whacked the bird with his backpack which scared them off.

"Caw caw!", Klepto the Condor screeched as they flew away.

"And don't-a come back!", Mario yelled, shaking briskly at the repressed trauma Klepto had awakened in him.

"These Kleptos aren't even supposed to be in this Desert," a voice called. Mario and Luigi turned to find Professor Kolorado, the mustached and ever-so-whimsical Koopa archaeologist, standing behind the two of them, his ever-so-beleaguered wife beside him.

Mario smiled and tipped his hat to the duo...and jumped back to avoid a swooping Klepto from stealing it.

"Mario, old bean, good to see you again. And nice to be properly acquainted with you as well, Luigi," Prof. Kolorado said.

"Hello, Professor," the Brothers said.

"Princess Peach called me on such short notice, but when I realized it would involve banding together with such legendary heroes as yourselves, I just had to come out. It is grand to be out in the field again, wouldn't you say, my dear?"

"It'd be even grander if we didn't have to cut our vacation short. Again," Kolorado's wife (we'll call her Kalifornia) grumbled.

Kolorado flashed a nervous smile and said, "Hehe, well, err, um, exploration waits for no Koopa. And this expedition is something not even my father could go through with. Based on the nature of the location and the artifact involved, the journey we're about to embark on may be more dangerous than anything you've ever endured. Your very bones may crack."

Luigi squealed and bit his fist out of nervousness.

"Crack from the pressure, that is. Which is why I've enlisted two of my top men for this assignment."

Kolorado curtly ended his sentence and stood quietly. No other sounds were made aside from the thud of Mario's backpack hitting the ground and the crackle of burning sand inflamed by the Angry Sun.

Kolorado checked his stopwatch and cleared his throat.

"I said, I've enlisted two of my top men for this assignment."

A pair of desert bushes began rustling, and two figures behind them were speaking.

"You idiot! He's cueing us!", a nasally voice yelled out.

"I'm aware. Haven't you heard of being fashionably late?", another, more baritone voice replied.

"You are not fashionable. You look like Mario, but in yellow!"

"And you look like a guy who's been tossed out in a desert."

"Wait, what do you mea-WAAAHHHH!" And the first figure was tossed out in a desert, landing facefirst at Mario and Luigi's feet, his gangly limbs sprawled out across the sand.

That's right, kids! It's-

"Waluigi," Luigi uttered.

"WALUIGI!", the purple doppelganger yelled through the sand.

Mario cocked his head quizzically. "Wait, if you're-a here, then that-a means…"

Wario clapped Mario's back and knocked a good deal of wind out of the plumber.

"WAHAHA! Good to see you, Mario. Didn't take you for the treasure-hunting type!"

"Mamma Mia, these are your treasure relocation associates?", Mario asked Kolorado incredulously.

"They're quite impressive, aren't they?"

"Yeah…"

Mario wrinkled his nose in annoyance and tried to regain his bearings. Some additional people to guide, but ultimately manageable, just so long as nobody got reckless and-

Mario felt a sudden gale of wind and grabbed his hat to swat Klepto, who had dive-bombed toward Mario again.

"Klepto, get-a the heck out of here!"

"Caw caw!...No!"

"That bird has one-a grudge, Mario," Luigi mused.

"I never-a thought I would have a rival worse than-a Bowser."

"Hmm, I wish I-a had a rival."

Waluigi sprung to his feet and lunged for Luigi while the latter's back was turned...before tripping on a grain of sand and face-faulting back into the warm, soft ground.

"MMWWAAAHHHH!"

"You say something, Waluigi?" Luigi asked.

Waluigi raised a limp hand to speak his piece but Klepto came down once more to swoop his hat. Unfortunately, the condor missed Waluigi's head and snatched one of his overall straps in their talons instead, taking the errant doppelganger with them.

Klepto was now circling above the others, Waluigi dangling several feet from his overalls, screaming.

"...Well, now that we're all...acquainted...we can set...off for our quest," Kolorado said, his attention partially diverted as his gaze revolved to follow Waluigi in the sky. Kalifornia, the Mario Bros., and Wario nodded and followed the professor to locate the temple.

Wario fell back and called up to his partner.

"Quit screwing around, Waluigi, and get down here before we leave you!"

Klepto, as if on cue, dropped Waluigi and flew off to parts unknown. Waluigi screeched as he plummeted to the earth again and crashed into Mario's backpack, crushing half the contained objects.

Mario sighed and rubbed his temples.

"Mario, this-a feels like a bad omen."

"No, no, Luigi, it's..." Mario paused to collect his thoughts, "...it's just a minor-a setback. Just-a keep your backpack safe." And he walked off with Wario and the others to locate the temple. Waluigi whimpered and crawled his way toward the rest of the group, leaving Luigi behind with a bad feeling in his stomach.

"Just a minor-a setback, that's-a all I need to tell myself. Do it for-a Toad and-a Daisy and-a Perry. Nothing-a too dangerous here, right?"

Luigi suddenly noticed a shadow cast around him. But with the shade came no reduction in temperature, but even more heat. Luigi looked to his left and right but could not find the source of the shadow. He could feel the hair on the top of his head starting to get singed, and out of instinctive fear, he gazed up. It was the Angry Sun.

Luigi stared but did not move. The Sun stared and also did not move, instead just gazing at him intensely. A ghastly long uncomfortable silence passed, but neither disrupted the standoff that had been enacted. Luigi, sweating more so from the anxiety than the heat, swallowed to relieve his dried throat and trembled his lips to force any greeting out and break the silence.

"He-"

"I'm going to burn you and you specifically."

Luigi's pupils shrunk and he screamed as he ran to regroup with Mario as quickly as he could. The Sun just stared where Luigi formerly stood.

Mario and co. traveled for about an hour through Dry Dry Desert, aided by the help of Toadsworth's map to avoid most of the dangers of the environment.

"Most" being the operative word.

Luigi, still shaken from his earlier encounter, had walked into a Pokey and became one with the needles. Waluigi did not even have two seconds to laugh at his misfortune before walking into one himself.

Eventually, the group reached the fabled center of the desert. An ominous wind passed through them and kicked up a sand flurry that obscured their immediate frontward sight. As the sand died down, their destination came clearly into view.

A temple, adorned with carved patterns of Super Mushrooms, Fire Flowers, and Stars cast in gold and navy stood a short distance away, a stone Yoshi sphinx adorned at the top of its sealed entrance.

The group made their way to the entrance of the temple, Luigi and Waluigi plucking needles from their backsides.

"Well, I-a guess we just walk in," Mario declared. He took a step forward and flinched in place as the eyes of the sphinx glowed, steam billowing from its stone nostrils.

"You cannot enter without fulfilling the requirements of the temple's first task: Solving the riddle for the ages," the sphinx spoke.

Waluigi yanked out two more needles and rolled his eyes. "Oh? And what do you want to know?"

"Everyone wants it, but no one person wants it."

Wario, Waluigi, Luigi, and Mario all pondered over possible responses to the riddle and gave their respective answers.

"A wig?", Wario thought aloud.

"A watermelon?", Waluigi inquired.

"A degree in-a communication studies?", Luigi asked.

Mario scratched his chin and spoke. "Hmm, what about-a humility?"

"Humility…yes, you have passed." And the doors to the temple parted.

"Well, that was-a easier than I expected," Mario mused.

"Beware the challenges that lie ahead," the sphinx began, "...and in times of crisis, thou must destroy thyself to save thyselves."

"Thank you very much!", Mario said with a tip of his hat as he walked through the entrance, the others filing in behind him.

Kolorado sauntered in and bumped into a stationary Mario.

"I say, Mario, why the halt?"

Mario was staring ahead at a single altar in the center of the room, a rather large blue gemstone atop the altar.

Kolorado leaned to the right to gaze at the artifact, his eyes widening at its illustriousness.

"That, my boy, is our sister gem."

"Well, the book-a did say it was-a hidden in-a plain sight."

Wario scoped the layout of the room and noticed a rope attached to a rudimentary pulley system that seemed to connect to the altar.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you-"

Wario's warning was too late. Kolorado had already walked to the altar and placed his hands on the gem. Beneath him, a trapdoor opened and plunged the poor professor into the abyss below. The gem flew out of his hands and shattered upon hitting the floor.

"Mamma Mia!", Mario yelled as he dashed to the trapdoor, which closed as quickly as it opened. He surveyed the remains of the gem and noticed inscribed writing at the bottom of one of the shards that read "Made in Sarasaland."

"It's a fake," Mario said.

"Take a dummy rock and hope a dummy tries to grab it instead of leaving the actual loot out in the open," Wario mused as he walked over to Mario. "It's what I'd do."

"I say, is Kalifornia alright?", Kolorado said, his voice coming from below the floor. "Mario, old bean, I believe I've landed on something rather dense! It might be the real sister gem you seek!"

"Can you find a way out, dear?", Kalifornia asked.

"Too dark, I don't want to step on any more traps. You'll have to find a way down to escort the gem and I to safety."

"Wah! Waluigi hate escort missions!"

"No one cares, Waluigi," Wario said. "Hmm, maybe this pulley system can be reverse-engineered to open the doors." Wario tugged at the rope at the entrance of the room and the entire system broke off of the ceiling. "Never mind."

Mario scowled and shook his head. "Professor Kolorado, we'll-a find a way down to you. Just-a sit tight!"

Mario beckoned to Luigi and the others to follow him to the other side of the room, but Kalifornia stayed put near the trapdoor.

"I'll stay here and see if I can get the pulley system reattached. You all go on ahead without me."

Mario gave a thumbs-up and proceeded with the others.

Traveling out of the entrance room, the four encountered a long hall with a metal bar protruding from both sides toward the end of the hall.

"Now what's-a that?", Luigi wondered.

The sphinx's voice echoed throughout the temple.

"The bar, it is the measure of all great warriors. There is no deception, only a challenge to be surmounted."

Mario stepped forward, adjusted his hat, and took a deep breath. "Well, here-a goes nothing."

And he charged toward the bar, arms outstretched airplane-style. He would clear this obstacle then guide his team to glory and get back to Peach's Castle before lunch, starting with just a single bound.

Mario closed his eyes, letting instinct from years of platforming take over, and felt his feet leave the ground as he vaulted over the bar in an astounding act of acrobatics.

...Albeit not astounding enough to save him from banging his left knee on the metal rod.

In an instant, Mario clutched his knee and tumbled to the ground in the fetal position, inhaling deeply before screaming.

"MAMMA!"

It was nothing short of painful to watch. All Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi could do was reflexively wince to communicate to their felled comrade that they too shared his agony without actually having to go through it themselves. Wario turned to Waluigi and cocked his head in the direction of the bar.

"Maybe longer legs would work better for this. Wanna try and 'surmount the challenge'?"

Waluigi perked up and gestured toward himself with his thumb. "Nobody's better at clearing low bars than Waluigi!"

And Waluigi sprinted toward the bar and made a great leap over it. Unfortunately, his shoe snagged the underside of the rod and the mischief-maker fell like a great gangly tree, his face hitting the ground nose-first.

"WAAAHH!"

"Okay, Luigi-"

"No."

"D'oh, fine! If you want something done right," Wario began, squatting and cracking the joints in his fingers, "...you take charge!" And he took off in one of his patented Shoulder Bash dashes, blasting through the bar and coming out the other side with a stylish skid.

Wario cackled and put up two "V" signs triumphantly, not noticing that he had squashed Mario and Waluigi flat.

Mario pulled his face up from the ground and tried to rub the shoe marks off of himself as he powerlimped his way to Wario to give the errant doppelganger a piece of his mind.

Wario raised a finger to Mario's mouth to silence him preemptively.

"Look, Mario! There's a fork in the road! Three halls, two open."

Luigi waddled over to confirm Wario's claim.

"Now what do we-a do, Mario?"

"We'll have to split up to cover more ground," Wario said, cutting Mario off. "No one travels alone here, so we'll use the meat shield system."

"You-a mean the buddy system," Mario grumbled.

"That too. Mario, you're with me. Luigi, take Waluigi when he comes to."

Luigi shot an apprehensive look at Mario, but the elder Brother just quietly nodded to make clear that he'd be alright.

"Okay, good luck. Mario, take-a this!", and Luigi tossed his brother a Fire Flower. Mario caught the power-up and pocketed it with gratitude.

"Alright, let's-a go." And Mario and Wario went down the path on the left.

Luigi glanced at the path in the middle, sealed with a stone door, and began making his way down the path to the right.

Waluigi limped over to follow, nursing his head.

"I suppose it's just you and me now, Greenie."

"Yep...so, seen-a any good movies lately?"

"Waluigi don't watch movies. Waluigi watch film."

"Ugghhhh…"

There truly is nothing worse than a pop culture snob.

"Hey people, it's your boy Bowser Jr. the Pop Culture Snob, back with another outrageous edition of Games Inkooparated!"

"The only thing outrageous is that pair of glasses," Toad said, standing from the sidelines as Junior attempted recording for his webseries.

"You shut your uncultured mouth, Toad!", Junior screamed while leaning over the makeshift desk he procured for his show. Junior eyed the camera recording him and sat back down, pushing up the thick glasses on his face with a sheepish expression.

"Ahem, sorry about that, folks. I just got a little heated, but it's only because I care. Unlike the other lamoes on the web, I'm not afraid to show some passion. Which brings me to the topic of today's review."

Junior turned his swivel chair to grab a game case from the shelf behind him.

"After accumulating sufficient funds from viewers like you, I've procured myself a copy of Slash Wombat 12."

Junior brandished the case before him, exhibiting it like a game show assistant for all the world to see.

"It's a real treat, folks, but not one I would call beginner-friendly. For the sake of clarity, let's compare it to a prior entry in the series. Take, for example, Slash Wombat 6; playing that is like gently kissing your significant other at the top of a mountain...Slash Wombat 12, on the other hand, is like a rough make-out session in the back of your dad's car before your date inadvertently smears the cheese of your cheap carnival nachos onto the backseat with their shoes."

Peach, serving as the camerawoman for Junior's review show, glanced from the camera to shoot a revolted look at Junior.

"Ewwwww…"

"So anyway, here are the top five things you should know before diving into Slash Wombat's latest adventure…"

Junior's breakdown that would've inevitably become a beg-session for donations was preemptively cut off by the sound of broken glass.

"Oh, what now?", Junior demanded.

More clattering ensued from outside the recording room. Grotesque roars bellowed from beyond the safe confines of where Junior, Peach, and Toad were.

"Toadette, why didn't you keep watch over her?!", came Perry's voice.

"I wasn't supposed to, it was Toad's shift!"

"Which Toad?!"

"The one who went to shadow Junior's webseries!"

Peach turned to Toad with an exasperated look.

"Well, no harm, no foul, Princess."

The three flinched at the sound of more broken furniture.

"She's coming, she's coming!", came the voice of another Toad.

"Quick, Toadette," Perry started, "...hit her with the spray bottle!"

Peach and the others listened to hear the sound of a plastic bottle hitting a hard object then falling to the ground.

"...I meant spray her with the bottle."

"Well maybe you should've been more specifi-no, Daisy, leave the parasol alone!"

"No, don't take me to that window! I'm Perry, by the way."

"HI, I'M DEADLY!"

The three listened to hear the sound of glass shattering, Perry screaming, and the sound of an umbrella falling into the moat.

"Somebody sedate her!", Toadette yelled.

"We already did an hour ag-Oh, dear gravy, she's crawling into the vents!", Mailtoad screamed.

Peach sighed and put her face into her hands.

Junior turned to the camera. "I suppose now would be as good a time as any to mention our sponsor: Lakitu's Window Repair Service. Tell them Bowser Jr. sent you, and they'll give your windows a preliminary quality check free of charge, with a 0.05% discount on any repairs done if you enlist their services."

Peach rolled her eyes and took Junior and Toad by the hands to escort them to the hall. Junior leaned to keep his face in view of the camera as he was getting dragged out.

"That's all for Games Inkooparated this week, make sure to send your fan mail to the office of my legal consultant Kamek at 1985 Scorchashell Lane!"

"She needs to be stopped!", Peach wailed as she, Toad, and Junior stood outside one of the bathroom doors. The poor princess looked as if she might break down.

Toad tried his best to comfort her. "Now, now, Princess, we're doing our best. You look like you need to take a break," he said, opening the bathroom door. "Why don't you step inside and have a donut with Yoshi?"

"Yoshi!"

"You hear that? He's got the tiny glazed ones with the round sprinkles. You go on ahead and the two of us will come up with a plan."

Peach sniffled and wiped her eyes as she went into the bathroom. "You guys are the best."

Toad shut the door behind her and turned to Junior. "I have no ideas for a plan whatsoever."

"Glad we're on the same page."

"Look, Princess Peach is on the verge of an emotional Game Over. Do you want that on your conscience?"

"Bold of you to assume I have one."

"I am serious!", Toad bellowed, gesticulating around the property damage that surrounded them. "Look what she's wrought! It's only a matter of time before she destroys our room!"

"Alright, you've convinced me. It's been a while, but we need to capture a princess."

"At least until Mario and Luigi get back with the other gem. They're the only ones with the tenacity to get the job done."

Mario was banging his head against a wall of hieroglyphics as Wario was doing midday stretches. His impetuousness had gotten them both trapped in a sealed room. And by "his," I mean "Mario's."

"Want to give up, want to give up, want to give up," Mario repeated drolly.

"You say something?", Wario asked.

"My-a mantra," Mario muttered.

"My mantra is get rich and get away!"

"How-a charming."

"Oh, don't get your dungarees in a twist. So we got trapped. It happens to the best of us, and you too! AHAHAHAHA!"

"You're-a like the best and-a the worst. Kind of like-a fast food."

Wario slung an arm over Mario. "I am a multi-faceted specimen of a man, Mario," he said while cleaning out his ear with his free hand. "A virtuoso at treasure hunting, gem locating, and jewel collecting."

"You-a forgot humility."

Wario guffawed. "I think that's a resource both of us are lacking today."

Mario pouted and broke away from Wario.

"Oh, did I touch a nerve?"

"Yes! Mamma Mia, yes! I'm-a in an environment I-a don't excel at, stuck with a graverobber with a sense of humor even-a worse than the person writing this-a script - Mario did an aside glance and winked before turning back to Wario - my-a brother is-a stuck with your partner who will-a likely try to sabotage him, and Professor Kolorado is-a going to be stuck without our help which-a means our-a friends back home can't-a get help!"

Wario looked uncharacteristically taken aback. Perhaps he had been a bit too forceful in taking charge.

"You know what, I can understand you're having a rotten day. You don't have to be the one carrying every person's burden. Let me rob them from you for today, ahaha. You don't have to be 'Super' Mario all the time."

Wario expected this to calm Mario down. Mario's eye instead started twitching.

"What did-a you just say?"

"Uhh, let me help you?"

Mario grabbed the Fire Flower Luigi had gifted him and ate it whole. He conjured a fireball in his hand and took aim at Wario.

"I can't-a not be Super! I'm-a Super Mario!"

"But you're Fire Mario right now!"

"And don't-a you forget it!", Mario screamed, tossing a flurry of fireballs Wario's way.

Wario ducked and leapt and pulled off a series of impromptu acrobatics to dodge the orbs of oxidized substances tossed by the enraged plumber. After a while, he shrugged and opened his maw to swallow them all.

Mario continued his volley of flames and insults all the same, his eyes growing as intense as the fireballs he was producing.

"I am-a always-a Super Mario! 'Cause if I-a can't be-a that...then what-a am I?"

And he looked at his hands, then looked at the person he had tried to hurt. "I'm just a bully mad that-a someone else is-a good at something I'm-a not."

Mario almost crumpled at the realization. Shame was not something he usually felt. Because he never had to feel shame. Not when he was always the paragon for his friends.

"Wario, I'm-a so sorry."

Wario held up his pointer finger to cut Mario off as he attempted to swallow the fireballs. "Got it all out your system?"

"I-a think so. I'm-a usually better than this. I-a think that's the problem."

"Well, you can't bottle up your emotions. It's dangerous."

Mario sheepishly nodded.

"Trying to keep silent has its advantages, but it usually just hurts you in the long run. Are you hearing what I'm saying? Silence can be deadly."

A sudden rumbling sound emerged.

"Oh no, is-a the room about to collapse?"

"That wasn't the room," Wario said darkly as the rumbling grew louder. "...That was my stomach."

Mario's irises shrunk.

"No..."

"Yes."

Mario frantically began looking around for a secret switch to release them from the room. Anything to escape the dark fate.

Wario for his part was mellow. "You must learn to expel the darkness within you, Mario. Like I'm about to do."

"LUIGI!"

A fair distance away, Luigi and Waluigi could hear the sounds of Mario in distress.

"Oh no! We-a need to go help them!", Luigi said.

"Or better yet, you leave him and take his place as the star of the show."

"Is-a that what you think our relationship is-a like?"

"I mean, you're always just following him around like a theater understudy."

"We're-a brothers! We-a cover for each other's weaknesses! If you-a want to act the role of a useless sidekick like you-a think I am, then go ahead! I'm-a going to save Mario!"

And Luigi dashed off in the direction of Mario's calls for help, leaving Waluigi alone to reflect.

"What I'm gathering from this...is that if I sabotage them both, Waluigi can be number one! WAHAHA!"

And he too dashed off, to claim glory or cry trying.

Luigi reached the sealed-off chamber where Mario and Wario were held and placed his hands on the barrier keeping them apart.

"Mario, are you-a in there?"

"Yes. Get me out of here, Wario's about to-a blow!"

Luigi began hyperventilating and lunged into his backpack to find a suitable power-up.

"Oh, why couldn't-a Peach just-a have given us a pickaxe?", he whined as he rummaged for something, anything to save his brother, who he could hear was banging on the walls from the other side.

After what felt like an eternity, Luigi brandished a Rock Mushroom.

"Stand back, Mario!"

As soon as Mario and Wario took a few steps back they saw the wall they were facing shake from an impact.

Rock Luigi had rammed into the wall and revolved back to ram it again. He leapt into the air and manifested his rocky layer to pummel the wall once more, creating a notable dent in the wall.

And he did it again. And again. And again.

By this time, the wall was now ready to explode, and so was Wario, who was clutching his stomach with a pained expression on his face.

"Luigi, we don't-a have much-a time!"

"I'm-a about to knock down the wall now!", Luigi declared. He could just tap the wall with his fist and it would come down. All he had to do was walk over to it.

As he made his way to the compromised blockade, a gangly foot came out from the shadows of the hall and tripped the plumber.

"Bet you didn't see Waluigi coming!", and Waluigi sauntered over to the crumbling wall and leaned towards it to gloat. "Sorry, Mario, but your hero cred is going all to me today!"

Wario ignored the ravings of his companion and joggled in place. There was no holding back anymore. The most he could do was turn his cannon end away from Mario.

Mario ran for the corner of the room farthest away from Wario as the horror commenced.

"Fire in the hole!"

A flurry of noxious green gas was unleashed throughout the chamber. The sheer force of it destroyed the integrity of the wall in an instant and pierced out into the hall itself. Luigi came to just in time to curl up into a rock ball and roll away. When he reemerged from his protective shell, he saw a fog of sickly green flatulence filling the far end of the hall.

Wario emerged from the chamber looking incredibly satisfied. He waved a rolled-up magazine to clear away the flatus and took a sniff.

"Ooh, I'd say light a candle in there, but that might cause a gas explosion." He waved with his magazine some more and the ensuing clearing of fog revealed a motionless, slack-jawed Waluigi, eyes glazed over, mustache and eyebrows melted clean off his face.

"You alright there, Waluigi?"

A whispery croak emerged from Waluigi without him even moving his mouth.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. What about you, Mario?"

From the ruined trap room, Mario crawled out on his belly, gasping for air, his gloves tattered. His Fire form had been lost in the ensuing spewing and was likely the only reason he was still alive. He looked pitifully at Wario, then at Waluigi, then at Luigi.

"The horror…" And he collapsed facefirst into the cold hard ground.

Mario came to, having been turned over on his back. He turned his head to see Waluigi hovering above a scented candle to clear his sinuses. His mustache and eyebrows had mysteriously grown back.

"Oh you're-a awake," Luigi said, dabbing his brother's forehead with a damp cloth.

Wario was to Mario's left, biting into a clove of garlic to pass the time. "Congratulations, you survived, no thanks to Waluigi."

Waluigi mimicked Wario's words and scoffed.

Mario groaned and tried to sit up. "After that, I-a have a new appreciation for life." He turned towards his brother and their, err, compatriots.

"Saboteur to-a the very end. But I-a guess I'm-a no one to talk." He tried standing and stumbled but was caught by Wario. "We can't-a go undermining each other, too-a much is at-a stake."

Luigi and Wario nodded, Waluigi rolling his eyes but also nodding afterward.

Mario continued, "We-a need to make an honest effort to work-a together. Being-a friends means finding-a common ground, right?"

"Right," everyone else said.

"So, we-a all agree that we-a hate each other, right?"

"Yes."

Mario clasped his hands. "Good, then we're-a friends. And-a friends trust each other to cover for their-a weaknesses," and he gestured to Wario, who stepped forward.

"Right. In the chamber, I found hieroglyphic panels painted with a specific striped pattern that when aligned read 'The door you must proceed through does not exist but in the mind.' The barrier of that sealed-off middle path is an illusion meant to scare us off!"

"Wah? It was that easy? Stupid tomb builders."

"Then we can-a go back to find a way down to Professor Kolorado," Mario declared. The four set off to travel back to the stone door, but Luigi came to a realization.

"Then wait, what was-a down the path Waluigi and-a I went?"

"Oh, yeah, the hieroglyphic said '1000 years of turmoil for the practitioners of the dark arts' for that path...Eh, you would've been fine."

Back at Peach's Castle, Bowser Jr. and Toad were crawling through the vents to scope out the integrity of their trap from above. Toad turned on his headlamp to peer through the grates above a simple contraption: A humble-looking chair with the Super Acrimonious Diamond placed atop it and a crocheted doll of Luigi sitting atop the Diamond.

"I need it…", Toad whined.

"No, you don't."

Toad gazed down through the grates again to pay tribute to his lovely Diamond. He stared at the boundless brilliance-bearing bodacious bijou beaming beautifully before-

"Alright, we get it!", Toad snapped. He pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed the sweat off his face.

Junior pushed his way forward to gaze at his latest handiwork. "Heeheehee, it's so straightforward it's genius! The Diamond creates a feedback loop with its victims, so the angrier they become the more they'll want to circle around the Diamond!", he said, sinisterly rubbing his hands together. "Daisy will lumber around the corner, go 'Uwu, what's this?'", Junior batted his eyelashes mockingly, "...And then we spring the trap! Muhahahahaha-OW!"

Junior had forgotten he was in an enclosed vent with a low roof as he tried to swing his body back to do the full maniacal mastermind laugh.

Toad shook his head at his compatriot's theatricality and leaned against the grates to listen for any sign of Daisy.

"I hear footsteps! They sound like heels!"

"Alright, grab hold of the rope…"

It was true, the sounds of heeled footsteps were steadily growing louder and approaching the chair in the hall. From the corner...came Peach, Toadsworth at her side. She glanced at the trap and smiled.

"Uwu, what's this?", Peach mused.

"The Super Acrimonious Diamond, Your Majesty."

"No, not that. The cute little Luigi plush on top of it. Who needs an oversized diamond when you can have something based on a friend?"

"Well, it is rather winsome, and not evil."

"Exactly. Let's get rid of that giant, glowing, sparkly eyesore and put it where no one can see it."

Toad began hyperventilating in...the vents and developed a twitch in his eye.

"Toad, no."

"I want my gem," Toad hissed.

"You are going to ruin my plan!"

"Then so be it!" And Toad ripped the grates open and leapt toward the floor, hissing at Peach and Toadsworth.

"It's mine! You can't have it!"

"Toad," Peach started, "...you're not well. Where's the good friend who wanted to help me today?"

"He's gone, and so is Daisy! Now back off!", Toad screeched, moving closer to the Diamond and stretching his arms out protectively behind it.

Junior began making his way out of the vents, but got his leg snagged by the pulley rope as he attempted to jump out, leaving him dangling upside down. From his inverted vantage point, he could make out a disruption in the shadows down the hall behind Toad and the Diamond.

Toad for his part was unwitting, too enraptured in the allure of the avarice-amplifying artifact.

"Eehahaha, it's just you and me, my lovable Diamond. Nothing will come between us!"

And then from the shadows, a wrathful Daisy emerged brandishing a bright orange golf club. She leaned back and prepared to strike.

"Toad, look out!", Junior warned. In his head he could already hear the sound of his high-pitched, raspy screech as he stared at the golf club, knowing it would spell death for him.

Or at the very least, it would really, really hurt.

"FORE!" And Daisy swung forward and whomped Toad in the face. The Mushroom Retainer gave his involuntary farewell to solid ground and flew through the air like a screechy balloon whose helium had been let out. He landed facefirst on the ground and slid for a few seconds before coming to an anticlimactic halt.

"No!", Junior yelled.

Peach was aghast and covered her mouth with her hands before running off in the opposite direction. Only Toadsworth remained in Daisy's immediate line of sight.

"Oh, Toadsworth, I got a present for you!"

"Gadzooks, I made eye contact!"

"Please don't run! Koopa dangling from a rope here!", Junior protested.

"Wait your turn, piñata," Daisy said coldly.

"Daisy, don't you make another move towards me or the geezer or me! I can destroy the most important thing in this hall right now with just a fireball!"

"The Diamond is more powerful than some pyromaniac pipsqueak!"

"I wasn't talking about the Diamond…"

For a brief moment, an expression other than rage or steely contempt came across the beleaguered princess' face. If it was not the gem, then it had to be the plush of Luigi.

"Do it, you coward. I don't care."

"Then get out of the way."

A standoff ensued. On one side, an upside-down turtle with delusions of grandeur. On the other side, a murderess in a frilly dress.

Daisy sighed and relaxed her grip on the club. "Okay, you win."

"Glad we came to an understanding-"

A smirk appeared on Daisy's face as she took two steps back and tossed the golf club like a scimitar, at a fast enough speed to cut through the rope holding Junior, sending him crashing to the ground.

Toadette ran by. "Princess, they're still her-" And she was conked by the errant sports equipment and fell unconscious.

"Ah, darn, I thought that would've given me a 1-Up," Daisy whined.

"The only thing up is my patience," Peach said, returning to face her counterpart from Sarasaland.

"Your bodyguards and the lizard weren't enough to stop me. What makes you think you can do anything?"

Peach exhaled. "I tried to be nice, but you kept breaking our hearts, and the windows, and Toad."

"Mmmmmhhhhh…", Toad muttered from the floor.

"We're your friends, Daisy. And friends don't let friends stay possessed by evil gemstones of quasi-determinate origin." Peach pulled a Wiimote out of her pocket and held it like a sword.

"I'm going to hurt you with kindness." And she pressed the B button on the back of the Wiimote, igniting a pink laser beam emitting from the tip of the controller.

Daisy snarled and displayed a Wiimote of her own.

"You will try." And she ignited an orange laser beam from her own controller and lunged at Peach.

The two princesses clashed blades, sending sparks flying that burned almost as hotly as the enmity currently supplanting the adoration the friends once had for each other.

Peach ululated and swung her sword like a club at Daisy's own sword. Peach's attempt at disarming her opponent was thwarted by a well-timed vertical block, with Daisy quite literally digging in her heels to push back against Peach. Daisy roared, pulled back to unbalance Peach, and thrust her laser Wiimote forward at Peach's torso. At the last second, Peach caught the attack with her own blade just a thumb's length away from her torso and used her free hand to flick Daisy in the nose.

"Ow!" Daisy recoiled and slammed her sword in a downward arc on Peach's shoulder. Peach sidestepped and bumped her shoulder against the nearby wall of the hallway. Her guard let down, Daisy dashed forward, coming to a halt when Peach raised her blade up to the Luigi doll.

"Don't take another step, and no one has to get hurt."

"Why step when I can crawl?!", Daisy shrieked as she leapt onto the wall and crawled across the ceiling to get behind Peach.

"I regret getting out of bed this morning," Peach wheezed as she grabbed the Luigi doll and ran for dear life, Daisy dropping from the roof to pursue her on foot.

Meanwhile, Toadsworth and Junior crawled their way to Toad, dodging parries and counterparries and countercounterparries and so on and so forth.

"Toad, are you dead?! And if you are, can I have your stuff?"

"Mfhumph...", came a muffled voice.

"Your conversation might be more conducive if he wasn't kissing the floor in his current position," Toadsworth remarked.

Junior turned Toad over with his foot so he could look at his would-be rescuers/testament bandwagoners face to face.

"I think I swallowed my gum," Toad moaned.

"Walk it off, we're still in hot water."

Peach was descending a staircase fending off Daisy's barrage of jabs. The pink-clad princess ducked her head instantaneously to dodge one particularly nasty swing that knocked off her crown and sent it careening through the second-to-last unbroken window at the front of the castle.

Peach's eyes suddenly turned red...from sorrow. She let out a little cry. Daisy, entranced as ever, could still feel a bit of sympathy for her friend.

"Need a moment?"

Peach rubbed one of her eyes with her free hand and nodded. "Yeah, I feel like I just got tripped by a ditzy blonde."

"Wait, what are you talking abou-"

Peach swung her leg at Daisy's ankles, knocking her off her feet. Daisy screamed, the grip on her Wiimote loosened out of surprise. Peach grabbed the wayward weapon and pointed both blades at the downed Daisy.

"What the heck, Peach?!"

"Sorry, Daisy, but unpeachy times call for the Peachiest of measures."

"Oh, just put me out of my misery already!"

Peach scoffed and rolled her eyes. "You see that? This is why we don't hang anymore! You're so mean!"

"And violent," Junior added.

"And annoying!", Toad muttered from behind Junior, scurrying back when Daisy hissed at him.

"Did we forget to mention violent?", Toadsworth snarked.

Daisy darted her eyes to look for a possible exit, but there was nothing that wasn't blocked off by destroyed furniture.

She pouted her lips and crossed her arms petulantly. "Yeah, well no one asked you to stay near me."

Peach continued. "You're right, no one did. We chose to stay, lumps and all, because we're your friends."

"Yoshi!", Yoshi called out from up the stairs.

"Shut up, Yoshi!", Junior snarled. "I am definitely all you guys' friend and I'll shove a crayon up your nose if you say otherwise!"

"You see, Daisy? There's a lot of love in this room right now, and it's all for you." Peach unpocketed the Luigi doll and handed it to her. "There are even people not in this room who care about you."

Daisy sighed and clutched the Luigi doll. "I feel awful, Peach. I don't...I don't wanna be stuck in this darkness anymore."

"Mario and Luigi are doing everything they can to get help for you and the others. Just hold out a little longer."

Mario tossed a rock at the gate of the middle path. It phased through instantly.

He and Wario nodded at each other and proceeded through the faux gate. Luigi and Waluigi glanced at each other then at the gate.

"Age before beauty?", Waluigi mused.

"We're-a the same age, you jerk!", Luigi grumbled before shuffling in.

"You are older than me in mind if not in body. But Waluigi will never say it out loud for you to hear."

"You know this gate isn't soundproof, Waluigi," Wario called out from the other side.

"Wah! Foiled again by the laws of physics!"

Waluigi made his way through and joined the three on the other side. They were greeted by a brightly lit chamber containing stone statues of Chargin' Chucks clad in gladiatorial armor.

Wario looked around and sniffed the air.

"Something the matter, Wario?", Mario asked.

"Checking to see if there's anything suspicious. Poison darts, and...actually that's it."

The sphinx's voice echoed throughout the temple again. "The only poison that lies ahead is the hubris of mortals."

"Well, we-a dealt with that, so I-a guess we can-a get the gem now, eh?", Luigi asked.

A low rumbling growl provided Luigi with an answer. Dust began to fall to the floor of the room as cracks began to appear in the ceiling. Soon enough, the whole thing fragmented and a large skeletal Chargin' Chuck dropped to the ground, clad in the same gladiatorial armor as the statues.

"Well then," Mario mused. "AAAAHHHHH!"

The four scattered as the Dry Chargin' Chuck started running for whoever he could ram. He took aim at Mario first and built up his dash into a full charge. Mario yelped and picked up speed, but Chuck was fast approaching. Wario cracked his neck, chugged a clove of garlic, and got himself into a running position.

"Here I go!", and he was off with a patented Shoulder Bash. Wario landed a hit on the Chargin' Chuck, stopping the assailant from attacking Mario but seemingly doing minimal damage otherwise beyond making his bones jiggle a bit. Wario for his part vibrated backward from the recoil and clutched his arm.

The Chargin' Chuck roared and stamped his foot before collapsing into a pile of bones.

Waluigi stopped mid-run to profess his joy. "We won! Wario, you rock!"

Waluigi's excitement was short-lived. The Chargin' Chuck's bones began to shake on their own before reforming into a stable warrior again.

"Wario, you stink!"

The Chuck screeched and barreled across the room to trample Waluigi's body, much like various tax collectors, half the women in the Mushroom Kingdom, and life itself before him.

Once again, the crush-happy Koopa cadaver was preemptively kept at bay, this time by Rock Luigi's boulder form.

Luigi emerged from his stone shell to taunt his opponent.

"Yeah, I bet you-a forgot I had this!"

The Chuck shook his skull from the surprise interference and removed his gladiator helmet to fling at Luigi.

Luigi screamed and formed his shell once more to tank the attack.

Mario stared aghast at his brother's plight. A power-up could turn the tables, but the healing factor of the enemy they were facing posed a dilemma.

"Think-a, Mario, think." If there was anything his time with Wario had taught him, it was to pay attention to the surroundings of a labyrinth. He looked around for anything that could help him.

At the far end of the room, he could see a lever, covered in cobwebs. Mario looked up to see that there was yet another pulley system lining the wall, with its mechanisms leading up to the broken ceiling where he could make out a dangling cage through one of the holes.

"The-a tomb makers, they-a built a trap for us to-a use! Wario, can you-a verify?"

Wario ran over to the sole statue inscribed with ancient text and scanned it.

"'Keep your head in the game by keeping your opponent's head out.' Unless they're lying, it seems they gave anyone who got this far a mulligan."

"Basic decency is not a mulligan!", Waluigi yelled from across the room while being chased.

"It's-a the best-a shot we have. Luigi! Keep-a that gladiator-a busy!"

Luigi began rolling toward the Chuck to get his attention. Mario and Wario nodded at each other and made their way to the lever.

Luigi charged at the Chuck once again and bounced off.

"Waluigi, hop on!" Waluigi complied and leapt atop Rock Luigi, moving his feet in rhythm with Luigi's rolling like a bear on a log.

"WAH!" The two spiraled the Chargin' Chuck, revolving endlessly to disorient him.

The Chuck swiveled his head to follow the two errant sidekicks, his pupils crossing each other from the sensory abuse.

Mario dusted off the lever with a handkerchief (a favour from Peach) and gripped said lever, ready to activate it at Wario's command.

"Steady, steady…", Wario instructed as he tried to gauge the Chuck's distance. "Waluigi, get him closer to us!"

Waluigi pressed his foot down on Rock Luigi, grounding him to a halt until he changed direction and could lead the Chargin' Chuck under the cage.

"We'll have him right where we want him...unless the ceiling doesn't fully break. Waluigi, the cage!"

"Waluigi knows what he must do," and he leapt from Rock Luigi mid-roll, blowing a kiss to his un-adoring audience as he prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice.

Ascending through the air like a woodland pixie, Waluigi balled his hand into a fist to break the remainder of the ceiling as if it were a Question Block. He shed a tear; even in his final moments, he could not escape the shadow of Luigi.

He unballed his fist. If he was to go out, he was going out his way. He pulled out his tennis racket and swung back to strike the ceiling. Mario, Luigi, and Wario, the peons, stared at his magnificence with maws ajar. He would be remembered for all time.

Then he hit the ceiling facefirst like a crushed fly on a windshield.

Waluigi's impact had further eroded the integrity of the ceiling and it collapsed into a dozen pieces falling to the ground, taking Waluigi with them.

Wario blinked at the fortuitous (for him) turn of events and shrugged as he went to join Mario at the lever.

Rock Luigi rolled through the Chargin' Chuck, reducing him to a pile of bones once more, and kept on treading to pick up Waluigi and clear the area. The Chuck's skull skidded further away from the rest of his body due to the impact, leaving him right underneath the cage.

Mario and Wario pulled the lever and the cage dropped on the Chuck's head, preventing him from reforming.

The skull roared in frustration as the remainder of his body struggled to pull itself together.

"Glad that's-a over," Mario said with a sigh.

The door behind the lever shook briefly before lowering itself to reveal the staircase to the basement.

"You have won the day, travelers. Collect your prize and leave this temple…"

Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi made their way down the staircase, Waluigi nursing his head with an Ice Block conjured up by Ice Mario.

They approached another door that opened into a pitch-black room.

"Hello?", Kolorado's voice called out from the darkness. "...Is anyone there?"

"I-a think that's-a Professor Kolorado," Luigi said.

"It could be him...or another trick," Wario pondered.

Waluigi lifted up the Ice Block he was holding and tossed it into the dark room.

"What the deuce? Whoever hit me, come forth and show yourself, villain!"

"That's-a him," Mario deduced.

The four stepped into the room, the torches alighting themselves as soon as they entered.

Kolorado sat atop a half-broken stone pillar, cradling a yellow gemstone, with a streak of green energy coursing through the gem like an electron would circle the nucleus of an atom.

"Thank goodness you all came. I've been inspecting this artifact and I do believe it's the real deal." Kolorado turned the gemstone over to reveal an inscription reading "Generally Languid Anodyne Diamond: The Real Deal."

Even without the label, Mario and friends could suss out the nature of the gem. It was warm and inviting; for a moment all of the grievances the four had with each other melted away into geniality.

"Oh, this is nice," Waluigi said with a goofy grin affixed to his face.

"Let's just stay here and vibe," Wario said, relaxing his shoulders.

Up above, the Dry Chargin' Chuck's body was scrambling about, crashing into each and every wall. The skull rolled his eyes and waited for the body to circle back to the cage. Unfortunately, all of the thrashing about was causing further damage to the statue room. Cracks from the walls traveled up to the ceiling, causing what was left of it to collapse. Luckily for the Chargin' Chuck, a block of stone knocked the cage down, allowing his body to reform completely and escape out the other way.

Unfortunately for the characters with names, the path leading to the staircase was blocked, leaving them stranded.

"Whatever I-a just heard, it-a doesn't sound good," Luigi muttered.

"Wario, any ideas?", Mario asked nervously.

"Nope, I'm off the clock," Wario said, keeping a hand on the Diamond.

"I suppose in the end we have become the lost artifacts, men out of our time buried underneath the literal sands," Kolorado contemplated.

"Wah! Waluigi hate tragic irony!"

"So do I!", came Kalifornia's voice. A great creaking echoed throughout the basement as the trapdoor was forced open.

Kolorado smiled with pride. "Sweetheart, you got the door open!"

Kalifornia dropped a rope down for the five to climb up. Kolorado emerged first and embraced his wife.

"Oh, Kalifornia, how I've missed you. Never again will I let work get in the way of what's important."

"Kolorado…"

"For too long I've put the sheer, exhilarating thrill of expeditions before my own wife," Kolorado said, turning to the Diamond Mario and co. had taken up with them.

"My greatest treasure was you all along, dear. I don't need this worthless rock!" And he grabbed it and tossed it back through the trapdoor.

"No!", Luigi wailed as he jumped to catch the Diamond, Waluigi stretching one of his bony arms to catch him by the overalls so he wouldn't fall back down.

"Hehe...oh yeah, you all need it."

Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi made their way to the entrance of Peach's Castle. Kolorado and Kalifornia had seen them off at the Warp Pipe before taking a shuttle back to a resort for some much-deserved rest.

Mario looked around and sighed longingly. The lush, green grass, the birds flying overhead, the numerous shards of glass littering the ground. Wait…

"What in the world-a happened here? Perry?"

"'Sup," Perry said as he twirled aimlessly in the moat.

"Oh, is that you Mario?", Peach's voice came from inside.

"We're-a back, Princess, and we got the sister gem!", Luigi beamed triumphantly. "And we-a found your crown, too!", he said, picking up the crown and tossing it through the last unbroken window.

A long sigh came from inside the castle.

"Alright, let's get this over with," Peach declared grumpily, dented crown reaffixed to her head.

Wario and Mario placed the Generally Languid Anodyne Diamond next to the Super Acrimonious Diamond, Daisy, Toad, and Perry standing between the two gems.

"So, is there like some ritual dance for this?", Toadette asked.

"No," Toadsworth began, "...the history book says you just wait a brief few moments before the proximity of the gems creates a neutralizing flare that will blind us for a dozen seco-AAAH!"

Toadsworth's recital had proven true. A great light had emerged from the gems, blinding all of the denizens present. A purple aura emerged from Daisy, Toad, and Perry before disappearing into the ether. The gems became solid black, their power rendered dormant.

Peach opened her eyes and saw her friends staring at each other confused.

"So, how do you feel?"

"Like this," Daisy said, running over to hug Peach. She was nearly knocked off-balance by the sudden show of affection.

"Ow!"

"Sorry, forgot about your shoulder. Actually, sorry about a lot of stuff."

"Such as…?", Peach prodded.

"Indirectly tossing Junior through a window."

"And?"

"Directly tossing Toadette and Perry through windows."

"And?"

"Bashing Toad's heat with a mallet. And a golf club. And a waffle iron."

"When did that last one happen?!", Toad screamed. "Also, apology accepted."

"When you were asleep, and thank you. I know I've got more people to say sorry to, and I feel real bad about causing you guys so much trouble."

Mario placed a hand on her shoulder. "You-a weren't yourself, Daisy. We were-a worried about you."

"Yoshi!"

"No thanks-a, Yoshi, I-a ate on the way back. We're just-a happy to see you back to your-a old chipper-a self."

Toadette shifted her eyes nervously. "Yeah, the Diamond fixed Luigi too, right?"

"La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo, La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo, La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo…"

"Never mind."

"I can't believe this stupid thing caused all of this trouble," Toad said, kicking the Super Acrimonious Diamond.

"They're-a just-a worthless rocks now," Mario mused. "Well, they were always-a worthless. Greed was-a how we-a got into this-a mess, when what we-a needed was in-a here," he pointed to his chest. "Wouldn't you-a agree, Wario?"

Mario turned around, but Wario and Waluigi were nowhere to be seen.

Wario Shoulder Bashed through the doors of the Castle to make his escape, Waluigi following close behind and brandishing Peach's crown around his arm.

"Who needs a heart, when you can have a crown!"

"The greatest tooth!", Waluigi added.

Peach threw up her hands in frustration. Yoshi offered her a donut from his box and she took a chocolate one without a second thought.

"Hoohoo, what a lovable rogue that-a Wario is."

"I'm going to send the hounds after him," Peach grumbled between chews.

"Who needs hounds when you have me? Toad, get me my golf club."

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

BONUS: Web of Discontent

"How's it hangin', folks? It's your boy, B-Junes, back for another lawsuit-preceding edition of Games Inkooparated!" Bowser Junior pointed at himself with his thumb and paused for a stock music sting to play over the intercoms.

"'B-Junes'?", Toad asked, glancing from the bleachers of the studio audience.

"Yes, B-Junes. It's the username I've chosen to protect my identity on the web. Why else do you think I wear these glasses?"

"Because you want to look smart?", Luigi asked.

"Because you're near-sighted?", Mario asked.

"Yoshi?", Yoshi asked.

"Okay, yes, no, and heck no, respectively," Junior confirmed, turning back to his main camera. "But I digress, we're here to facililalala...facil-...facil-...I'm sorry, folks, I'm going to need to fire my scriptwriter, THEY'RE USING BIG BOY WORDS!"

One of the support cameras turned to Toadette, waving with a smirk.

"I hate you all and just wanted to share that. Anyway, we're here to philosophize with our guest: Wario!"

"Good to be here!"

"As a game designer, what do you believe is the key to a good game?"

"Three components: Polish, profit potential, and Pyoro."

Mario cocked his head. "Pyoro?"

"Yes! All of the greatest games feature Pyoro! Slash Wombat 12 has a hidden Pyoro cameo in every level and that's why it's sold millions."

Junior raised an eyebrow. "That is interesting."

"Oh?"

"I have recently streamed the entirety of Slash Wombat 12 and pored through every. Single. Level for 100% completion, and I never saw Pyoro even once. Care to explain that?"

"Well, uh, Pyoro was patched in later."

"Oh, I believe you. Pyoro was patched…into illegal copies sold through your company!"

A canned gasp came from the speakers behind the real studio audience, prompting Luigi to flinch and jump into Mario's arms. Wario began sweating.

"That's right, people, this isn't a developer interview! This is an exposé! Wario's been copying other people's games for years!"

"How would you know that?", Mario asked.

"Oh, because I helped copy Slash Wombat 8-11 and sent copies to you all for your birthdays."

Toadette scowled. "And you're admitting this on camera why?"

"Just so it's on the record."

The doors to Junior's recording area were kicked down by a group of Toad soldiers holding handcuffs. One by one, every person was put into custody, Junior included.

Junior stayed by his desk and leaned toward an annoyed Mario, the latter being escorted by two Toads out of the room.

"This is the most important thing Games Inkooparated has ever done. Any comments, Mario?"

"I don't like you right now."

"I am honored by your transparency…transparency, folks. It's a concept that Wario wouldn't know about!"

"I'll be out in two weeks and back to selling games."

"Absolutely despicable behavior. Now a word from our sponsor, WarioWare, Inc."

Toad's face reddened with rage as he and Junior were taken down the hall to the outer gates and a police vehicle. "You got a sponsorship from the corrupt company you were trying to take down?!"

"Coins are Coins, Toad. Bowser Junior isn't for sale except when I am. And you can purchase our coffee mugs for sale on my webstore! This has been another edition of Games Inkooparated, send your comments to my legal consultant Kamek and make sure to break that 'Like' button's kneecaps. It knows what it did."

Chapter Text

The Super Mario Show

BONUS: Ain't no Party Like a Mario Party

Peach's Castle was the site of a gathering none had seen since the last time it was the site of a gathering. Within the happy halls, a number of denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom were conversing at a party being thrown in Mario's honor.

"So anyway, I had to bail everyone out after Junior's latest stunt," Peach recounted to a stunned Daisy and Wendy.

"My brother really admitted to game forgery on camera," Wendy said, her eyes rolling out of habit.

"Really, it was horrible but expected. It was more a matter of getting things sorted out with the police before Luigi had a panic attack."

Grayson the Shy Guy, ladling from a punch bowl, cringed at the mention of Luigi's name.

"Oh yeah, Luigi was the one who needed to be protected."

Peach failed to pick up the sarcasm. "He's a sensitive soul, and I was worried about him," she said, Daisy nodding alongside her.

"Miscreants," Grayson grumbled as he waddled away to the dance hall.

Bowser Jr. was looking through the guest list, crossing off the names of those already present. Grayson, Wendy, Iggy, Jenny, Wario, Waluigi, Jenny, Kamek, Polterpup, Jenny...

"Hey, doofus! Where's the Chuckola Cola?" Jenny's voice jabbed him, as it often did.

Junior sighed and tapped the door of the mini-fridge to his left. A fake smile crept up the girl's face(mask).

"Thank you!"

Junior rolled his eyes and walked off to find more guests.

Meanwhile, in the living room, Mario was attempting to keep the peace between the partygoers.

"Waluigi, for the last time, get your bony elbows out of my face!" Luigi's command came as he and Waluigi were tangled on a game mat trying to get their hands and feet onto an arrangement of Koopa Shell patterns.

"This much magnificence cannot be contained to two rows, fool! Waluigi was meant to encompass all!"

Toadette, who was crushed between the two, was about as enthused as Luigi was.

"If you don't hurry up and move, I'm about to encompass my foot up your nose!"

"Anyway!", Mario yelled hurriedly. "Let's see what the next move is." He punched two Dice Blocks and landed on a one and a five. "Okay, Waluigi, left foot to a Blue Shell."

"That's right, 'cause Blue Shells only come to those in first place!"

Waluigi stretched his left leg over Luigi and landed the tip of his shoe onto a Blue Shell space. Luigi winced, the smell of Waluigi's sock in all of its Waluiginess invading the sanctity of his nose.

"Nyah!"

Mario punched the Dice Blocks again and pointed to Yoshi. "Okay, Yoshi, your head to a Pink Shell!"

"Yoshi!"

Yoshi poked his head from the morass of bodies and scanned for his destination. Finding a target close to Toadette, he opened his mouth and extended his tongue to reel his way there.

Instead, he yanked the entire mat and swallowed it whole, pulling the proverbial rug out from everyone else.

Mario winced at the calamity and, when he opened one of his eyes to gauge the damage, was appalled at the wreck he saw before him. Luigi had gotten one of his legs tangled in Toadette's braids and Waluigi had gotten his legs tangled up in all of his Waluiginess.

Toad blew a whistle. "Alright, the winner of this round is the pretzel formerly known as Waluigi. Wario, go get your friend so he can collect his prize: a trip to the hospital."

Wario grabbed Waluigi by the foot and dragged him out the door, Toad following.

Mario facepalmed. This was why he hated throwing parties. And they still had 16 turns left to go.