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Chapter Text

You were the girl that changed my world.
You were the girl for me.
You lit the fuse, I stand accused.
-“You Dropped a Bomb on Me” by the Gap Band

Theodore Nott was once attacked by a cursed Bludger. It chased him all over the field until it finally outmaneuvered him, hitting him square in the chest. The Bludger hit him so hard he flew off his broom. He plummeted to the ground without a breath in his body. His head snapped back with the impact. When he woke up a week later, his vision was blurred. His brain was fogged with injury. He was listless for weeks afterward.

Falling in love with Luna Lovegood felt exactly like being hit by that Bludger. Unexpected. Painful. Disorienting.

Theo had not wanted to come back to Hogwarts at all. But in the decade or so after the War, his name didn’t carry the same currency it once had. His father had been imprisoned, and his family’s resources had been confiscated (what they could find anyway). The little money he had in hidden savings accounts was starting to run out. He couldn’t indefinitely sustain his London lifestyle on such a pittance. Indeed, debt came for him soon enough.

Of all people, Minerva McGonagall reached out to him about taking over for Madame Hooch. The letter had recalled his impressive Quidditch skills as a young student and the hope that he would bring those skills to the position at Hogwarts. He had been recommended, the letter said, by a trusted acquaintance.

Theo had no idea who that acquaintance was. He didn’t know whether to thank or to curse them. To return to Hogwarts felt like defeat. He walked through the front doors with the knowledge he couldn’t make it in the outside world. so he had to come back to the only place left for him.

And so here he was, in the Faculty Commons, surrounded by decorations and food celebrating his arrival. He was the life of the party in London, but here he felt out of place. On his back foot, so to speak.

“Theo, welcome back to Hogwarts,” the woman in front of him said. She was tall, as tall as he was, with dark blond hair in a braid over her shoulder.

It was Luna Lovegood.

Theo didn’t immediately recognize her: the girlish face had been replaced with sharp lines and fierce eyes that held his confidently and a little too long. Her voice had also deepened in that time. Where once her sing-song tones had made her the target of ridicule, the shift in timbre made her voice intriguing, melodic. Theo remembered very little about Luna Lovegood and what he did was a flat image. Her strange dress, the ridiculous ravings of her father, and her own tendency to mention strange creatures at exactly the wrong time. Making fun of Luna Lovegood was about all he remembered from their younger years. He did not, of course, bring this up.

“I hope you’ve been well,” he said, out of politeness.

She gave him a dazzling smile. “That’s a very kind thing to say, Theo. I have been.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Theodore Nott had, apparently, forgotten how to sustain a conversation or, even, engage in polite small talk.

“How are you settling in?” Luna tilted her head just so. Theo looked down into his drink.

“Students aren’t too difficult. It’s rather quiet here,” he said. Luna blinked at him. “I had a fast-paced social life in London.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt like an idiot. It was the worst kind of humblebrag.

“Quiet can be nice sometimes,” Luna observed. “I imagine you had difficulty supporting your playboy lifestyle.”

“Um, yes.” Theo met her gaze, mostly out of amazement. She still said these things with little to no concern: where once she had invoked mythical creatures, now she stated social fact that ought to be…well…unsaid.

Her brow arched at him. “Too on the nose?”

He laughed, nervous, wondering why it felt like his words were just out of reach. “Honesty can be nice sometimes,” he replied.

This time, she laughed, with her mouth closed and a smile on her face.

She was a siren. She had to be.

“How did you come to be here?” Theo asked her.

“I took the post of Herbology from Professor Sprout right after school,” Luna said. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” She gave a happy sigh. “It’s so peaceful and expansive here. The Forest is magical.”

He choked on his aperitif. “The Forbidden Forest?”

“Oh, yes. Forbidden to students who don’t know better, but quite romantic and exciting for Professors who mean to explore.”

Theo had never been in the Forbidden Forest. When he admitted this to Luna, she gasped and laughed.

“Theo, you simply must join me.”

“That would be lovely,” he said. He did not ask what he was thinking: is it a date? He also did not ask: when?

Luna drifted away from him into a conversation with Hagrid about his Snorkacks. It was all Theo could do not to follow her like a fool.

In the time between his welcome party and when Luna showed up at his door, ready for adventure, Theo’s entire world orbited Luna. He hadn’t expected her to consume all his waking thoughts. But falling in love is often like that: it has nothing to do with intention and everything to do with the undercurrent of the unconscious and desire. No one told Theo this, of course, he assumed it was something he could direct and control. He assumed that love would be the outcome of logic and a rather believable story of necessity and causation. He believed he would maintain his dignity and distance.

He was wrong.

A light rapping on his door and he flung it open with a snarl, head pounding from the previous night's bender (it had been Friday night, in his defense). It was Luna. She was dressed not in her usual flowing skirts and fitted tunics but in a thick pair of boots and balloon trousers. Her jumper was a finely knit one with flowing sleeves. Her hair was pinned in a bun at the top of her head, held aloft by a rather complicated physics. One he did not understand, in any case.

“If this is a bad time,” she said, looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“Um, no, just—” And he slammed the door in her face.

He realized what he’d done only after he started to whirl around the room (pausing only to swallow nausea) and by then it was too late. To his great fortune, she still stood there, arms crossed, eyebrow arched.

“Sorry, I—uh—had to get dressed.”

“You’re wearing that?”

He looked down. “It’s all I’ve got.” He was wearing slacks with an Oxford shirt and vest. The slacks and vest were maroon, his favorite color. (Rather unfortunate for a Slytherin.) His loafers were the blackest, softest suede.

“Do they not have nature in London?”

“They have parks…with sidewalks?”

Luna shook her head.

Twenty minutes into their walk, his shoes were utterly ruined. He bemoaned his recently purchased shoes with Luna rolling her eyes. She probably couldn’t believe her luck, stuck with a city boy who was now ruining her favorite walk of the week. This perception (projection, really) only made Theo complain about his shoes more.

Luna finally snapped. “Stand still!” She grabbed him by the arms to hold him in place.

She Scourgified the shoes and then cast and impervious charm on them. They looked brand new.

Luna and Theo looked up from his shoes at the same time. Their gazes locked.

Theo, you are in your element, his ego reassured him. Theo leaned forward and reached for Luna’s hand. She turned away and kept walking. Theo caught himself before he fell.

“So…come here often?” Theo smiled when she leveled an unamused look at him.

“At least once a month. I like to walk at least once a week, just check on the Forest’s health. It hasn’t been…well.” She did not elaborate.

“Is it in ill health? Can forests have ill health?”

Theo was mostly wondering to himself in that moment but Luna responded to his question indignantly. “Of course they can! They’re as alive as you and me!”

“Alright, alright, I can see that.” He held up his hands as if this would protect him from Luna’s ire.

They trudged through the forest. Well, Theo trudged. Luna moved with an enviable grace. She was clearly at home here.

“We had a wood behind my family’s old estate. An ancient one, actually. But I never went in there because it was haunted.”

“A haunted forest?” Luna wrinkled her nose.

“It was—ah—it’s not worth explaining,” he finished.

“Muggle sacrifice?” Luna asked.

“Uh no,” Nott said. “It was—uh—before my time.” He cringed at himself. What else could he say?

Luna looked away from him. “I remember reading about the Nott estate in my research. Your estate is home to a rare plant that it would be really lovely to collect.”

“Oh?”

Luna shook her head. “Not that the new inhabitants will let us.”

Eventually Luna plopped down on a tree that had fallen long ago. The broken trunk was home to a vivid green moss colony. Theo sized up the moss—thinking of his pants—but Luna pulled him down before he had fully weighed the risks.

She pulled some hand pies out of her apparently sizable pockets. “Would you like one? They’re full of curried chickpeas.”

“Thank you,” he said, smiling at her. Whether it came across as a real smile or a grimace, he couldn’t tell.

The only sounds were the wind through the leaves and their chewing. The chickpeas were quite good.

“Do you feel that?” Luna asked, her hand gripping his thigh.

Theo almost choked on his hand pie. “Feel what?”

“It’s like a thrumming. It shouldn’t be here.” Luna hissed the last part.

He did feel it. It was dark and searching.

***
Despite their walk in the woods being, from Theo’s perspective, an unmitigated disaster, he couldn’t stop seeking Luna out. He sat next to her at meals and walked her to her classroom. Luna didn’t seem at all alarmed by him nor disgusted his attentions. She also didn’t directly rebuff him. Her smile was beautiful and friendly. Their conversation was never, well, it was never very advanced because Theo couldn’t seem to make his tongue work when she was around.

So while she had not run away screaming, she also did not seem to be picking up on any of his hints. His subtle attempts to ask her out to Hogsmeade were sidestepped. She had not invited him to the Forest again, perhaps understandably.

The utter anguish he felt could only be solved by considerable drinking, of course. This was how he ended up drunk outside of Luna’s door one night, begging her to let him in because he had something really very important to tell her. Really. Very. Important.

Laughing, she had hauled him into her room (she had laughed at him!) and tucked him into her bed.

“Luna—I—”

Luna shushed him. “Go to sleep. Don’t say anything you’ll regret later.” She sat beside him while he drifted away.

He woke up with a splitting headache and a terrible taste in his mouth.

“Theo, you look terrible,” she laughed, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Thanks, Luna, he groaned, rolling over.

“Would you like me to—”

“To what?”

“Help?”

Theo looked at her warily. Why was she so beautiful this early in the morning? It was unnatural.

“Yes. I’m desperate.”

She was still laughing and hadn’t stopped by the time she sat down next to him. “I’m going to touch you, if that’s okay.”

Theo pressed his lips tightly together to prevent him from saying anything that would scare her away. He nodded.

Luna threaded her fingers in his hair at the base of his skull, her fingertips pressing firmly into his scalp. He groaned as an icy feeling cascaded down his neck, a minty sensation.

“There you go,” she said.

The absence of her hands in his hair was almost worse than the hangover--a hangover which was now entirely dissipated.

They sat there looking at each other. Luna looked absolutely unaffected by the situation while Theo looked slightly pained by the distance between them and his inability to close it. All in all, the effect was a rather constipated look.

“Well, if you feel better,” Luna said, “I should leave for my class, in just a few minutes.”

“Yes, of course,” Theo said, not moving.

“Is there something you need to say?” She asked.

“I—um—” He was sweating now. Stammering. An utter fool.

“I really have to go, Theo.” Luna moved away from him. He lurched forward into the absence.

Missed.

“Lock the door behind you?”

He groaned into a pillow after she had gone.

Chapter Text

Luna Lovegood may perceive and process things differently, but that does not make her a fool. Given his increasingly erratic behavior, though, she thought Theodore Nott might be the biggest fool she’d ever met.

On this particular evening, Nott sat next to her at dinner. This had become his routine as of late. He rarely said anything beyond small talk. She smiled at him (as usual) but said nothing, focusing intensely on her plate.

She was wearing her favorite green dress with a long, lace sleeves and a choker that had belonged to her mother. She had swept her hair up, just in case. In case of what, she would not allow herself to think. Her breath was stuck in her upper chest and throat, running away from her. Surely this was something normal people did. Why did she feel like she was about to take a leap off of a building. She didn’t know how to do this. What did she mean by "this?"

Luna cleared her throat and set down her fork, preparing to speak. Preparing to speak was, for Luna, a full body experience and could not be rushed.

“You look lovely,” Nott said before she could get any words out.

All her preparations went out the window.

“You look lovely, too,” she replied automatically.

Nott’s cheeks went slightly red. He turned back to his plate. He really was—lovely. His fingers were long and delicate, his jaw strong, and his eyes, well, they seemed gentle. Inquisitive. Very vulnerable, as if he sized up everything he saw as a potential source of pain. He even looked at her like that. But he must also have seen her as a source of pleasure. Because he hadn’t left her alone since he arrived at Hogwarts.

Luna, as a sensing body, was aware of Nott’s attention and interest. Luna had grown very observant as a young girl, mostly because she had to work very hard to understand other people. She had to guess what they were thinking and imagine what they would think like. They certainly didn’t think like her. The difficulty was that emotion was so unpredictable and had so many different meanings. She liked things to be calm and straightforward. Nott was neither of those things.

He never outright stated his intentions. Instead, she had to interpret glances and seemingly coincidental encounters with little to no experience doing so. Her experience came from the romance serials in Witch Weekly. The men in those stories were always looking meaningfully at their love interest and practically had their dicks in their hands before bang—pun intended—they were shagging in bed! Or sometimes in public, but that was a whole other thing. The point being the man always made the first move and women were supposed to inhabit a receptive desire. This meant that, for Luna, getting from A (attention) to B (sex) was a baffling prospect. She wanted to be transparent and forthright about her growing desire.

Excuse me, but I think we would be sexually compatible and think we ought to try bumping into one another. Repeatedly.

Solid, Luna, solid.

Anyway, was he so intensely interested in her? He had to be mad. Or worse. Was it because they were the youngest professors? Did this have nothing to do with Luna herself, in all her uniqueness? Did he have a cruel, Slytherin streak that would somehow make this a bad idea?

She also had her own concerns about what effect intimacy with Nott would have. She had only touched him the one time, her fingers in his hair, cradling his skull. It had been almost unbearably intense, the feeling of his hair on her skin and the warmth of him. Human skulls were so delicate weren’t they? And she was so…so…

Dangerous.

Luna closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe she was entertaining this.

Luna’s sexual experience with men (because otherwise they were absolutely avoidable) was limited to her encounter with Neville Longbottom in her sixth year. To be fair, she had been overcome by a very real concern that she was going to die a virgin thanks to Voldemort and his cronies. And Neville had always been ever so sweet and attentive. She had made him a proposition—they would lose their virginity together, just in case.

It had been fine. About what you would expect for first timers who had no idea what they were doing and who weren’t even really that sexually attracted to each other. Luna learned a few important things—like which openings worked best, what male pleasure looked and felt like, and even how her own body responded to touch and tenderness. She also learned what she did not like, the kinds of gentleness and soft touch that made her skin crawl and want to scream.

As a result, she had not ventured back into sexual life since then. Instead, she had her plants, her books, and her forest. She also had a deep abiding fear that kept her aloof and isolated. That fear—about the outcome of intimacy—made her hesitant to reciprocate Theo’s advances.

There were also the glaring differences between them. How could you have sex with—much less love—a man who goes hiking in suede loafers? It wasn’t just that he seemed a rather rarefied creature. It was the wealth that such obliviousness betrayed. If Luna had a pair of suede shoes, she would treat them like an infant child, guarding them with her life. Luna got all her clothes second hand. The House Elves usually found her many great pieces left behind at the end of the year and at Gladrags store, the proprietor gives her leftover fabric to make her own clothes. She felt no shame in this. It just makes her doubt having anything in common with Theodore Nott.

There was some comfort: he was supposedly quite penniless now, by his own admission and by the newspaper reports. He, like many others, was stripped of everything after the War. Whether Nott knew what it meant not to have money in the deep visceral way that Luna did, she had no idea. When your father runs an unapologetically radical newspaper, there isn’t a lot of money to be found. Her mother had never seemed bothered by this when Luna was young. Luna, however, often wondered if her mother would have still been alive had she not been making experimental potions to cover their debts.

On second, third, no fourth thought, she should probably just forget about her inferences. She was guessing, after all, she had no idea if Theo was really that interested in her. Even thinking this to herself made her shake her head.

This was a terrible idea. Nonetheless, prior to dinner, she reviewed her collection of Witch Weekly erotica and pulled out the recipe for pregnancy prevention potion that she had clipped. (In a helpful move for her future self, she had color coded the erotic literature by technique and her relative interest. Any scenes she did not approve of she tore out and threw away.)

“Are you doing anything later?” She asked him. She held her breath. She was doing it.

“Me?”

“There’s no one else at the table, Theo,” Luna said gently.

“Ah, no, I have no plans. Lesson prep, maybe, but there’s only so much you can say about brooms.”

“We could take a walk in the courtyard. There will be some lovely constellations to see tonight.”

“I would love to do you—I mean do that with you.”

Luna swallowed a laugh. It seemed cruel in the face of such awkward earnestness.

“Make sure to dress appropriately this time, Theo?”

“My wardrobe is always appropriate. Anyway, this time you’re proposing a civilized walk.”

Luna smiled into her wine glass.
**
The moon showed a quarter of herself in the sky. Stars glittered above. Luna closed her eyes as the wind brushed along her skin. The intensity made her shiver down to her toes, her breath catching in her throat.

“Hello, Luna,” said a voice above her.

Luna looked up to see Theo. He was dressed impeccably, in a linen button-down shirt with several buttons left undone. Dark trousers hugged his legs. He had on those suede shoes again. His hair was artfully mussed. Nott’s expression, though, was guarded. This confused Luna, because she assumed that he was interested in this. He had said yes. But now he seemed like he wanted to say no.

“Hi, Theo,” she said, rising to meet him.

The heel of her shoe caught in the stones. Luna pitched forward, her hands flying out to catch her. Theo caught the brunt of her weight, and they tumbled to the ground. They froze, a tangle of limbs—Theo’s hand on her breast, her hands gripping the front of his shirt, lips so close to his.

“So sorry,” Luna gasping, trying to disentangle herself. Her dress was wrapped in his legs. She had to roll to get off of him, but in doing so brought her elbow straight into his nose.

He let out a muffled “Gerk” at the impact and blood rushed down his face.

“Oh no,” Luna cried. She pulled out her wand and said “Episkey.” The blood stopped but Theo still groaned with the pain.

“I’m so sorry, Theo!” She Transfigured one of her ribbons into a larger handkerchief.

He wiped the blood off his face, shaking his head to reorient his vision.

“’S’okay Luna.” He gave her a wonderful, blood crusted smile. She winced in sympathy and scourgified his face. His nose was still a little swollen.

She rocked back on her heels, hands outstretched for Theo’s. He looked skeptical at first (perhaps now that he knew she was a klutz with sharp elbows). But he reached for her too, hands warm and large in hers. She pulled him to his feet.

“First you drag me into the woods and then you tackle me before a nice evening walk. I’m starting to get a little afraid of you, Luna Lovegood.”

“Probably healthy,” she murmured.

She held his gaze until a shiver ran down her spine. “There’s a good spot on the other side of the courtyard, if you can make it that far,” she said, changing the subject.

Theo scoffed. “I can travel any distance as long as it is paved, cobbled, or otherwise not swamp.”

Luna made a face at him.

They walked side-by-side, a change from their time in the forest. Luna had marched ahead, stopping to wait for her reluctant companion. Here their gait was meandering, equal. No one rushed. Luna’s easy steps on the stones helped her clear her mind of the chatter, focusing on Theo beside her. If she didn’t focus, her mind ran a little ahead toward what she feared and desired. She didn’t like this running ahead of her mind: she couldn’t imagine how to get to that desired moment and, if she got there, she wasn’t sure she would want it.

“Here’s the spot,” Luna said. She laid out the blanket she’d brought with her. “There’s normally a bench here, but I have no idea where it’s got off to.”

“Do they normally wander, these benches?” Theo asked, settling down on the blanket with her. He stretched his legs long and rested back on his hands.

Luna laughed. "They do."

They were quiet. Unbearably quiet.

“I like to just come out here and look at the stars. The enchanted ceiling in my room is lovely but it’s really no match. My mother taught me all the constellations—” Luna was nervous and so words start to flow out of her to stave off her discomfort. “They are some of my happiest memories. Did you know, for example, that Cassiopeia is just our name for the constellation and that other cultures also see shapes in her? That amazed me when I heard it, because it means we’re looking at the same things just a little differently.”

Theo didn’t say anything, just smiled. Luna’s breath was in her upper chest, and it wouldn’t go anywhere.

“Do you not like stars? We can talk about something else,” Luna said, talking quickly. She did not want to bore him.

“I’m just enjoying your company,” Theo said.

Oh, there was that pressure again. How did she get it to go away? She fiddled with the hem of her dress, hoping the tingling sensation would go away. It didn’t—she was imagining what his warm, firm, male body would feel like pressed to her skin.

Should she just kiss him now and get it over with? Embarrass herself so she didn’t have to deal with this uncertainty any long?

“Um, Luna?”

“Yes.” Luna blinked.

“You’re staring at me. Is there something wrong with my face?”

“Ah, no,” Luna said, bringing her hands up to cover her own face (by her logic the only way to surely prevent staring).

Why did he have to come here, to Hogwarts? She had been doing just fine. Her even-keeled, low stimulation lifestyle had been great! Just great!

“Then?” Theo prompted. He sat up to be closer to her, peering through her fingers.

Just grab his face!

No, she said to herself. That would be impolite. And he just had his nose injured.

Luna let her hands drop into her lap, drawing in a deep, grounding breath.

“Theo, I would like to kiss you.”

Theodore Nott’s jaw dropped. Luna waited for some affirmation, some sign that this would be okay, but he just kept looking at her.

“Fine,” she said, “My apologies, I’ve misunderstood—as usual—It’s been a long time since I…” She trailed off and pushed herself to her knees. She was leaving.

Theo’s hand gently wrapped around her wrist and pulled her to him. Luna splayed her free hand on his chest while Theo entwined his fingers in her other hand. Theo’s lips were soft but his kiss was firm. The strength of his arms around her made her sigh. Excitement built in her belly, sending hot pulses downward. The art of breathing escaped her, and her breath became shallow against Theo’s lips. Her hands tangled in his hair as she pressed him as close as she could. He took her lower lip between his teeth, biting and sucking. He shuddered with pleasure against her.

Suddenly, cold air rushed over her face, and Theo was no longer kissing her. Instead, he had pulled back, eyes searching hers. She wanted to scream at him for stopping. She didn’t want to think about it, she wanted to do it—him.

Luna tried to pull him closer, but he refused to move.

“Fine,” she said, voice chipper, tears contained. She struggled up and away from him.

“Luna—”

She left him in the courtyard. Inside her, there was a terrible falling sensation. And the certainty that everything was over before it had started.

Chapter Text

Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man?
--“Pour Some Sugar on Me” by Def Leppard

You fucking idiot.

Theo paced his room, berating himself.

He had her. She was in his arms, they were literally on the ground. He was pretty sure they were going to—

Something had stopped him. The feeling of being more out of control than he already was? The sense that he had skipped some crucial part of a relationship? Theo felt an internal pressure that he could only describe as a need for perfection. He didn’t want to fuck this up: he felt he had already irredeemably fucked it up. Whether his retreat from their kiss had been significant or just an instance of gathering air, of seeing Luna’s face in the moonlight, he didn’t know either. Luna had swiftly ended the encounter, as if she had been injured by his distance.

Time passed. Weeks, even.

He felt like any personality he had once possessed had dissolved until he was only want. He oscillated between two postures, one of absolute swagger and one of prone abjection. Theo imagined himself marching to Luna’s room and finishing what they had started (with her permission of course). But then all he wanted to do was crawl on his knees to her door, begging her for another chance. (That he had already made this move did not occur to him.)

In his dreams, Luna was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. He chased after her only to come up empty handed. The glow of her skin and the intelligence of her eyes tormented him. If he wanted a wet dream, he wasn’t going to get one, because dream Luna was always out of reach. She was never in his arms.

Real Luna had been avoiding him or at least they hadn’t crossed paths. It made his chest tight to not see her. He couldn’t sit with her at dinner because she hadn’t been there. When he did see her, she seemed more tired than usual. He couldn’t ambush her in that kind of state.

One afternoon, he found himself passing by the greenhouse, just in case, even though it was out of the way (being on the other side of the grounds). As Theo walked by, eyes on the ground, he caught a flash of pale gold. Luna was outside the greenhouse. He stopped. He didn’t approach her; he just watched her. She stood, letting a Devil’s Snare stroke her hair. Her face was unfocused and lost in thought. Luna’s hands came up to push away the Devil’s Snare with a laugh, and the plant shivered, perhaps in happiness. Luna’s voice floated, indistinct and happy, as she talked to the plants.

His chest hurt.

She turned and caught Theo’s eyes. They stood there for a long moment before Luna turned away and went into the green house.

A vague hunger followed him everywhere he went, a feeling of both sexual and psychic distress. Weeks felt like years. The wind was being knocked out of him when he thought of her. A thousand times a day, he felt this breathlessness. A tremble would begin in his hands. He usually took to a broom to help dissipate the feelings.

He sat in his office on the Quidditch pitch, eyes on the Forbidden Forest. That’s when he saw a slim form darting between the trees. A glimpse of long, blond braid.

Theo ran.

He ran without thinking and as fast as he could.

What would he do if he caught up to her?

Crackling sound to his left. He leapt over a root, ducking a swinging branch just in time.

There she was.

Luna stood staring at him, wearing a long dress that was torn and smeared with dirt. A streak of dirt on her face did nothing to diminish the intensity of her ocean blue eyes.

“What are you doing here?”

“I saw you,” he said. He offered no other explanation. They stood looking at one another, as if this were a face off and they both had to draw pistols at the appointed time.

“Can we try again?” He asked, taking a step toward her.

Luna stood where she was, her eyes never leaving his. She set her shoulders in uncertainty. But she did not flee him as he moved closer.

Theo reached out to draw his finger along her jaw, sweeping his hand down to tangle in her braid before pulling her to him. He kissed her deeply and, for a moment, patiently, as if he had all the time in the world. A sigh from Luna’s lips and into his mouth. His calm, his patience evaporated. He wanted to taste every inch of Luna, wanted to feel, as fiercely as possible, her desire within himself.

Theo circled Luna, their gaze never faltering. He pressed his whole body behind her, nose in her hair, drawing in a deep, deep breath of Luna, her scent. Luna moved against him and he gripped her hips tightly. She purred at the sensation, head dropping back onto his shoulder. He ran his hands along her shoulders, her waist, pressing against her clothes that provided the most delicious obstacle to feeling her. He slid her zipper down her back, his hands cupping her shoulders and pressing the dress away from her body.

Theo ran his hands along her body, wanting to touch every inch of her. Goosebumps rose along her skin where he touched her. He undid her clasp, slowly, with dedication.

“Is this okay?” He whispered, kissing her ear.

Luna hummed in affirmation.

Her nipples were firm and pebbled in the air, responsive to his attention. Luna ground back into him, making him groan. He held her tight to him for a second, to recover, lips on her neck. Her hand was in his hair, pressing him ever closer. She tried to turn to face him, but he held her still, hands slipping under her underwear at her hips, gripping the full, rounded flesh in his hand.

Luna was gasping. This time, he could not hold her still—she turned to press her body to his, seeking any skin she could find. The buttons of his shirt pattered to the Forest floor, followed by his shirt. Her hands splayed on his chest, fingers teasing his nipples, nails digging into his hips, hands tangled in his hair as he kissed her neck. She whispered his name like a benediction. He could not get close enough to her. Her breasts were soft and maddening against him. Luna teased his now overwhelming erection through his pants. He groaned into her mouth, biting gently at her lips.

When Luna pulled away, her eyes were darkened with desire.

Theo fell to his knees in front of her, kissing her thighs, nestling his face in the warmth and fur of mound. Luna let out a slow controlled breath. He looked up at her as he kissed his way up her thighs. Her skin was taut and flushed. He took the round flesh of her inner thigh in his mouth, sucking lightly. A kiss to her center—

Luna pulled away from him with a stifled scream. Her hands open and closed quickly. She had a look of desperation and discomfort.

“What—what’s wrong?” Theo fell back on his heels, his stomach dropping. He was confused. Pleasure interrupted was a terrible feeling.

“You can’t—you can’t—”

Her skin shone in the fading afternoon light, as did the tears on her face.

“It’s okay, Luna.” He landed on his heels and stood, hands out in a supplicating gesture. “Whatever you need to tell me is okay.”

Why was Theo’s heart hammering in his chest? Was this about to be the end? (Again?)

She took sipping breaths before she said, “You touched too lightly.”

He blinked. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. “Too lightly?”

Luna nodded, fierce in her expression. “I can’t—it makes me really angry.”

Oh.

Theo had two options: run or stay and fight—well, not fight, but you know. He Transfigured a few leaves into a large, thick quilt.

“It’s okay, Luna, thank you for telling me,” he said as he gently guided her onto the blanket.

Luna seemed surprised by his response but sat beside him, her arms wrapped around her bare legs.

“Do you want to tell me what feels good?” Theo asked. He ran his hands (more firmly this time, palm flat) along her thighs. He slowed his breathing and his movement, helping her relax her body. She no longer occupied a defensive, closed position, her legs falling open and arms dropping to her lap. He pulled himself behind her, so she was cradled by the curve of his legs, his arms around her, his hands applying pressure as he stroked the inside of her thighs.

“I’m not sure—” She took a shuddering breath.

“That’s alright,” he said, smiling to reassure her. “If I do something you don’t like, tell me. You can grab my knee if you need more pressure or elbow me if you don’t like something.”

A giggle escaped Luna and her Luna’s eyes closed with anticipated pleasure. He brought his hands up to roll her nipples between his fingers.

“I haven’t, um.” Luna struggled with her words.

Theo’s jaw dropped. “You haven’t made love?”

“No!” Luna protested. “I have. Once.”

“Once.”

Theo found this utterly unbelievable. Luna’s head dropped back onto his shoulder.

“I just don’t know, is all,” she said, as if he would catch her meaning.

Theo strained to interpret her. He failed. “Have you…had an orgasm?”

Luna’s face turned red. “I. Um. No. But! I have read about them.”

Theo bit down on his lips to prevent his laugh. He tilted her head back to him, rubbing his nose against hers before kissing her slowly.

Theo’s body ached for Luna’s even though their bodies were pressed together, warm in the cool open arm. He brought his hand back to her center, reaching between splayed legs. His fingers made quick circles over her clit as he brought his lips to her neck, arced in front of him. Theo kissed the soft, vulnerable skin. And slowly, ever so slowly, he took her throat between his teeth. As the pressure grew, Luna made a breathy, gasping sound that made Theo’s hips jerk towards her.

“Theo—” Her breath stuttered.

She pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him like she wanted to drown in him.

“Do you like me behind you?” He asked against her lips.

Luna nodded.

“Do you trust me?”

“Hmm,” she said happily into his mouth.

He guided Luna to her side. Theo positioned himself behind her, pulling one of her legs back over hips. His heart stuttered to see her splayed like that, glistening and swollen. He snaked his arm under her neck, his arm across her chest to hold her tightly to him.

Luna let out a long thin breath.

Theo wanted to memorize the long curve of her back and the sweet swell of her buttocks cupped by his belly and thighs. Everywhere their skin touched was sweet and inflamed. He pressed two fingers inside her soft, wet warmth and pressed the tip of his cock along her slit. Luna shuddered in his arms.

“Luna, I don’t have protection,” he said against her skin.

“You don’t need it,” she whispered back to him.

He nodded, pressing his forehead to her shoulder as he slid into her, slowly, ever so slowly. And then all at once. Sensation burst in his low belly, and he moaned into Luna’s shoulder.

Yes. Their bodies seem to sing together at once. Theo kept the pressure on Luna’s clit and his teeth were at his throat, anything, anything to keep her body close to his, to keep every inch of sensation between them alive. Her body around his was bliss, an impossible amount of pleasure that he had to hold at bay. Listening to Luna’s breathing, her voice deepening until he was sure she was about to orgasm. He wanted to help her take that step into the abyss—he wanted her to fly.

“Luna, love, you have to let it go,” he whispered. He brushed his teeth along her throat again, reveling in the soft, vulnerable part of her that she trusted him with. His free hand teased her nipple.

He was almost lost.

Theo moved faster into her, the wetness between their bodies growing. Theo. Luna’s fingernails dug into his arms as she made these small, uncontrolled sounds that made him breathless. Theo. She gasped and her body rocked against his and she said his name over and over again. Theo. His fingers were slick, pressing against her as firmly as he could. Theo. He brought his teeth again to her throat until. Theo. She came with a long, slow moan of his name.

Fuck. Theo thrusted once, twice and spilled himself into her, his cock pulsing, his hips pressing into her soft, bare ass. They lay there, his arms tight around her, face buried into the back of her neck. Theo felt a small rumble that, at first, confused him, until he realized that Luna was laughing.

“Luna?”

“Yes,” she giggled, her body wriggling against his.

“Are you alright, love?”

“More than alright.” She kissed his forearm, working her face into the crook of his elbow to muffle her laughs.

Their breathing slowed and evened out.

She slowly pulled away to face him, his dick slipping out of her with a sucking sound. He winced at the sudden cool air. Luna rested her head on his bicep, their eyes meeting. The moment was too intense to say anything. Words would have ruined the idyll they constructed for themselves. So he just watched her face, the softening of her expression, the pleasure around her eyes. The flush across her nose.

“Thank you for your care, Theo,” she said.

He pressed his lips to hers, their mouths opening to one another with gentleness and curiosity.

Luna hummed happily into his mouth. She dipped her mouth to his throat, testing and teasing with her teeth until he gave a rumble of pleasure. He rubbed his cheek against hers. They fell asleep in each other’s arms, there on the floor of the Forbidden Forest and were not afraid.

He woke to movement, Luna’s body pulling away. “Please stay,” he whispered into her skin, so soft and warm.

When Theo opened his eyes in the morning, Luna was gone.

Chapter Text

Mouth is alive with juices like wine.

And I’m hungry like the wolf.

--“Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran

Luna Lovegood wanted nothing more to do with Theodore Nott.

Desire, she decided, was a terrible thing. It gnawed and gaped and gasped within her. She could barely function. She was so distracted in her classes that she was even more absentminded than usual. Just yesterday, one of her seventh-year students saved her from the Devil’s Snare wrapping itself all around her body. While she was thinking what a lovely pressure, her student was shouting for help from the others. (Her students were used to her absentmindedness and so were none the wiser.) When she was supposed to be lesson planning, her mind got no farther than the firmness and breadth of Theodore Nott’s very masculine thighs, the feeling of his lips and the strength of his hands. It was all she could do to keep breathing between the jolts of sensation at each recollection of their time together.

Sex didn’t end when you stopped touching someone, Luna realized, which was very bad news indeed. It should be illegal for another person to make you feel that good. It destroyed your capacity to do anything else—all she wanted was to fuck or think about fucking. She liked thinking about it. The brain, after all, is the most sexual organ. It was why Luna got such visceral pleasure from reading about fictional characters and their sexual exploits. Her sexuality had long been oriented around fiction—safe, contained fiction. She could leave it and go about her day, even if she came away a little wet from the thighs. Now, leaving her fantasies to teach felt tantamount to torture.

She could still smell him. The total experience of touch, smell, taste still haunted her every movement, but the smell of him… That had been the most erotic, overwhelming part of their sexual encounter. It stayed with her. She wanted to rub the scent all over herself again—rub herself all over him again, but no. She would not be doing that. She was done. No more.

Strength, Luna, strength.

Was this love? How long did this last? She didn’t think she could take any more of it. She was a professor, Rowena damn it all!

Now, she was walking around, permanently aroused and hungry for his flesh, for his affection. But she was also terrified: the emotional dysregulation was almost too much to bear. Physical pleasure and emotional pain seemed to go hand in hand. There was a crawling under her skin that scared her, too, as if she was going to lose control and ruin everything. Images of violence flashed through her mind, but she shook them away.

She couldn’t have two—three, if you counted teaching—problems at once. Her brain couldn’t come up with that many solutions, couldn’t project out the consequences and repercussions of so many plots, all at once. Her thoughts tangled. Disaster loomed in the fuzziness of her mind. She could not imagine that everything might work out just fine, that she was capable of meeting these crises, that being with Theo would be a good thing for her. She had set up her life to be quiet and manageable. Then a real man had inserted himself (har-har) and ruined everything.

Ruined!

Late one evening, just before moonrise, she walked distracted to her office, scrolls that needed grading under her arm. As she rounded a corner, Luna saw Theo coming down the hallway towards her. Her eyes darted for a hiding place—somewhere, anywhere. Too late, his eyes caught hers. His pace accelerated. She had to get away.

“Stay where you are, Theo,” Luna said, throwing her hand out behind her as she ran.

“Luna, please—”

“No!” She turned away from him. “I’m done, no more of this.”

Theo caught her office door before she could slam it on him. She threw her body on it to keep him out. Luna put her back into it, the door inching closed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked through the decreasing gap between the door and the door frame.

“What’s wrong?” Her voice was shrill and shaking. She felt ridiculous. “What’s wrong—I can’t fucking concentrate, that’s what’s wrong. I feel like every inch of my body has been electrified and I can’t calm down. It feels like my mind is falling apart. I can’t stop—”

Luna drew in a gulping breath, and Theo took this as his moment to push his way in. Both of them were heaving breaths.

Theo’s face was careful, blank—but also flushed.

“Say something,” she demanded, her voice raw.

“I think you’re a little…overwhelmed.”

Understatement.

“I know how I feel,” she said. “But I don’t know how you…feel.” Her hands opened and closed quickly.

“I think it’s pretty obvious how I feel, Luna,” Theo said, taking a step toward her, his hands out.

“It’s not obvious to me!” She shouted. Oh no, she was going to cry. “You have to say. I can’t keep trying to interpret everything correctly, wondering whether or not this is going to destroy me because you’re not really here.”

Theo seemed confused.

Luna let out a strangled scream.

“What do you want, Luna? Professions of undying love? Would you like me to fall to my knees to beg you for your heart?” Theo’s voice rose in frustration.

“No,” she snapped, the venom in her voice hurting even her. Theo’s lips pressed together. Her chest was caving in. “Just some explanation, some fucking clue…” Words were abandoning Luna. Now that they were standing here, arguing, the fire and pressure inside her were coming back. It was going to consume her—him—if she didn’t give into it. “If this is real.”

She covered her face with her hands. Then his body was there, pressed against her, their bodies making a long line together. Desire swept over her skin and a shaky breath escaped her. He pulled her hands away from her face, his face open and willing, taking in the wild look in her eyes.

Fuck.

She was not going to win this battle. Was it a battle? What was she fighting and why? If she wanted Theo, why couldn’t she just want him?

Because it felt awful.

Because it felt so good.

His eyes held hers, never wavering, waiting, wanting. Like her.

“I want you to fuck me,” she said, her voice deep and serious.

Theo’s gaze did not waver, but it darkened in a thrilling way. Their lips crashed together. There was nothing gentle about their collision. They sought each other with sharp and hard and searching gestures. Luna ran her hands down his body, his clothes collapsing to the floor.

Theo hiked her dress up over her hips, wrapping his arms underneath her ass to lift her up and set her on the desk. He felt so good and firm between her legs like that.

“These—” Theo let out a frustrated sound and sliced her underwear off with a gesture of his hand.

“Lay back, Luna,” he said.

She laid back on her elbows, breath and body trembling. He pressed her back even farther, until her head hung over the back of her desk. The debris on her desk, quills and shears and stakes, pressed, painful and delicious, into her back. Luna heard Theo’s belt buckle come undone.

A soft sound like relief escaped her.  

His fingers were firm on her clit, the pressure unbearable. He tested her with two fingers, quick penetrations that made her hum.

“Theo,” Luna gasped.

“Are you ready?” He asked, pressing a kiss to her knee.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” These fucking questions!

He pulled one of her legs over his shoulder and gently pressed at her entrance. She bucked up to meet him and Theo thrust hard inside her with a gasp. The tip of his cock brushed her cervix before retreating. A pained noise left Luna, the play of absence and impossible pressure pushing her deeper into the contradiction of pleasure and pain.

Theo pressed his lips to her sternum, shifting her dress aside to find one pink nipple. He sucked gently for a moment before biting, pulling a groan from Luna. Her hands found no purchase, except Theo’s hair.

Luna begged him to come inside her—she was going to shatter. Theo pulled her up to him, burying himself even deeper within her. He stayed there for a long, torturous moment. His hand around her throat and the desire in his eyes almost destroyed her. Please, she mouthed against his lips. He started to move again, his thrusts short and shallow against her walls, their bodies flush together. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him tighter. His insistent movement into and out of her made her feel as if she would levitate.

They were an impossible tangle of limbs and desire. With trembling fingers, she guided one of Theo’s hands to her throat. He looked at her, questioning until she nodded. Then the pressure started to build as his hand tightened around her throat, guided by the pressure she exerted on him.

Theo never looked away from her as her breathing hitched and became strained, soft quick breaths and moans falling from her.

Luna.

At the sound of her name, her edges dissolved. Theo whispered her name into her mouth over and over, her body releasing into his. Her hips jerked into his, once, twice, three times, her vision darkening. She was the world, and the world was her and there was nothing she could not feel.

Theo cried into her neck as he came, the burst of warmth within her restarting the subsiding tremors in her thighs. They held each other tightly. Luna buried her face in his shoulder, holding back tears. His hand stroked her necked where previously it had firmly, lovingly held it.

And a much, much darker feeling.

Theo pulled away, pressing a kiss to her lips. Luna pulled back and opened her eyes, meeting Theo’s green ones.

But where there was, a second before, bliss and love, fear had seeped in. Theo pulled away from her so fast it sent her world into a spiral. The violent feeling within her sharpened.

“Luna, what the fuck—”

She could feel her body lengthening. Bone shattering pain made her gasp. Her eyesight sharpened unbearably until every detail felt like an assault. She could see every pore, every hair, that made Theo who he was, and she could smell him in a deep, visceral way. He smelled like the earth, bright and green and alive. Luna’s fingers scrabbled at the desk.

When she spoke next, her face was already forming a muzzle. Her voice came out deep and distorted.

“You need to run.”

**

Luna’s body convulsed as it grew into its new, far deadlier shape. It was a process that took much longer than you would think and left the werewolf in a total state of vulnerability.

While we wait for Luna to finish her grueling transformation, it’s worth pointing out for you, dear, reader, that Luna has a bit of problem, a problem that has been given the name “lycanthropy.”

Yes, Luna is a werewolf. 

All in all, it was a good thing she’d decided to make love with Neville under the Whomping Willow because she really did almost die at the hands of Fenrir Greyback. Greyback had taken a chunk out of her side, cursing her for the rest of her life. Thereby, she thought, ending her sex life in one fell swoop.

The only person who knew besides Luna and her father was Filius Flitwick, head of her House when she was younger and an old friend of Xenophilius. Flitwick had helped her accept her condition and learn how to manage it during her time as a professor. She had left home long ago because her father couldn’t handle her new reality. She hadn’t seen him in many years as a result. While he loved his daughter and sought to expand wizarding knowledge about the dignity of other magical creatures, his daughter’s lycanthropy was too much for him to take. He had helped her through the worst of her young werewolf days, but he was too frightened. She understood, in some ways. It was partly his education and upbringing, the fearmongering that had isolated and marginalized werewolves for years.

For Luna, this produced a rather dire situation. There was little information about her condition. All the information she could gather from the library was, of course, written by wizards who were often more interested in hunting werewolves than understanding them. So while she had a few reliable methods for how to kill a werewolf, she had no idea what it meant to be one. She also didn’t know about crucial aspects of her sexual life. Mostly, she had been afraid that intensity of feeling would set of her transformation in ways she couldn’t control.

In her terrified moments of consciousness before becoming a wolf, she believed it was the intensity that triggered her monstrous form.

She did not know that her human sexuality was perfectly normal—well, as normal as human sexuality can be—and that her lycanthropy was not activated by sexual encounters. Racist wizarding fantasies about the sexual virility and impulsiveness of male werewolves were rife in the literature, affecting Luna’s perception of her own sexual being. Of course, this was ridiculous, but Luna did not know that. While there were methods of forcing a werewolf into their transformation and it could be done willingly outside of the moontide shifts with practice, she knew nothing of these methods and practices. Instead, she was at the mercy of her ignorance and what she felt to be an alien, inner nature that she could not control.

In this case, it was Luna’s distraction that had felled her. She had been relieved to pass the previous night uneventfully in her wolf form, curled up and alone. But she had forgotten an important detail. Alas, it was a good old fashioned blue moon that caught Luna out.

Luna, of course, was thinking none of these things. Her mind had an all-new structure, one that worked not in language but through smell, sight, and appetite. She had no history, no future, no plans. She simply was. The thought of her wolf mind was much simpler, much quicker than her human mind.

Wolf Luna had no time for thought. Instead, she was busy stalking her boyfriend through the halls of Hogwarts. Theo, to his own detriment, smelled really, really good…

Chapter Text

Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love (oh-oh-oh-oh)

-“Tainted Love” by Soft Cell

It’s not every day your girlfriend tries to eat you.

Theodore Nott cursed himself as he fled down the hall, totally naked. Luna’s loping form moved more swiftly than he ever could. He couldn’t have picked a normal girl, could he? He couldn’t have stumbled into a nice, quiet relationship? He had to woo a werewolf?

GREAT ONE, NOTT, he mentally shouted at himself.

His bare feet slapped the stones as he moved as fast as he could. (Running with your dick out was not that comfortable and, Theo was sure, was probably grounds for dismissal.)

Theo sprinted out of the greenhouse, bounding up the spiral staircase toward the Great Hall. He slammed the door behind him, locking it for good measure, but there was no way the door would hold her for long. As he had the thought, he heard Luna’s entire body slam against the door. She was starting to tear the door to shreds.

The only thing Theo knew about werewolves is that they would shred you, friend or foe. They were incredibly dangerous and did not operate according to human morality and logic. He did not, however, know how to defend himself against one, nor did he understand the means by which lycanthropy was passed. Theo had been taught to fear werewolves, all his life. And now, he had been given a very real reason to do so.

He couldn’t risk letting Luna loose in the rest of the school. Nor could he lead her outside because in the clearing she would certainly be able to overtake him. His brain was not operating at full steam. There was something disorienting about the lack of transition between sex and attempted murder. He did not find it erotic. Not erotic at all.

It also wasn’t conducive to thought.

Think. Think.

He ran toward the only empty classroom he knew of: Defense Against the Dark Arts. The wards could be tripped to trap her. He bet the wards would not read her as a professor in this form. There was nothing deadly in that classroom, since students could get caught in the crossfire. His legs started to tire and he felt like he was in a nightmare. The evening had started so well and had then descended into madness from there. it couldn’t be real.

“Professor Nott!” The portraits started shrieking and laughing as he sprinted by in the buff. “Put some clothes on, dear sir!”

"By gods, man!"

“No one wants to see your bits!”

“Oh shut up!” He shouted.

I am so fired.

Luna had made it through the door with a howl. He could hear the rapid click of her claws on the stones. He took the side stairwells which were tiny and spiraled, hoping it would slow her down. (What did he know about canine coordination?)

He was going to start running regularly after this, he promised himself, if he could make it just a little farther. It would be so humiliating to die because he neglected his cardio. He fell on the stairs, his ankle twisting in a painful direction. He hissed as quietly as he could, but he could feel Luna stop to sense where he was.

He had to move.

He dragged himself up using the walls. He hobbled-ran down the hall. Luna’s sleek blond body was following him at a speed he was never going to survive. Even though he wanted to live, more than anything, something kept him from casting against her.

The classroom was close. He blew the door open with Bombarda, rolling in with a cry as his ankle lit up in pain. Luna lunged—this was it—he was going to die—but the wards snapped into place. Luna yelped as the spell tangled in her fur and took her to the ground. She let out a soft whine, her fur stained by blood in places.

She did not move.

Theo put a shaking hand to his mouth to cover a sob of relief.

He closed the door behind him, and his eyes met Luna’s. He knew them: ocean blue and familiar but totally devoid of the Luna he knew. Her pupils were star shaped. Her thick, wide paws had black claws. There was something inviting about the softness of her fur, but he couldn’t bring himself to touch her.

Theo sat beside Luna until day broke. He Transfigured curtains into clothes for both of him while he waited. Her body shrank and twisted, the large, furry version of herself fading into the lithe, soft human form he was learning. Fear and disgust, as well as tenderness, battled in him as he gathered her in his arms. He couldn’t leave her here, so vulnerable.

She didn’t know what she was doing—right?

Theo took her to her room, laying her on the bed. She was deep asleep, her breaths sonorous as her chest expanded and fell. He covered her naked body with her blanket and ran a loving, frightened hand over her collarbone, touching her for the last time.

**

Theo had to go about teaching his classes as if he hadn’t just found out his girlfriend sometimes transformed into a large, potentially violent fuzzy creature. No, make that definitely violent. He had to go about teaching his classes as if he weren’t totally confused and upset about this. He had to go about teaching his classes as if everything between them wasn’t…

It was over. Wasn’t it? Then why did he think of her as his girlfriend?

Theo couldn’t breathe around the pressure in his chest at the thought, so he chose not to think it. He kept his mind hidden from himself while he shouted at first years who kept ending up under their brooms midflight.

After a particularly difficult class in which he made a student cry (not his proudest moment), he stomped into his office. He let his head hit the desk with a groan. It wasn’t his students’ fault. He hadn’t slept in the week or so since he last saw Luna. His mind kept remixing the terror and helplessness he felt being chased by her. One moment, Luna was before him, human and beautiful and desirous, her body open to his. The next moment she was ripping out of her skin, ready to devour him. He woke sweating and terrified and could not stop reliving that moment.

A knock at his door pulled his head up so fast it made him dizzy.

There, in the doorway, Luna.

She looked extremely tired, but she was wearing a blue, long sleeve dress that flowed along her soft, long curves. Her hair was in its usual braid, and he had visions of wrapping it in his hand while he made love to her. No, couldn’t think that. But he so badly wanted to think that.

Luna’s eyes were pinched in apprehension. She opened her mouth once or twice before closing it again.

“Professor Lovegood,” Theo said, even though it caused him physical pain to do so. He rose, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Oh.” Luna sounded as if the wind had been knocked out of her and her brow pinched. “Professor Nott—” the words stabbed him in the chest. “I came to apologize for—”

Theo held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it.” His voice was unkind. He held his body aloft from hers, drawing himself up to his full frame in an effort to make himself appear unmovable. Whether Luna could see this attempt at intimidation for what it was, she did not indicate.

Luna’s hands were opening and closing rapidly, what he now recognized as her stress relieving motion. He wanted to cradle her hands in his. Instead, he watched himself from the outside as he did his best to destroy this relationship. He had been hurt, so Luna would hurt, too.

“If you would just let me explain,” Luna said, her mouth pulling down as she carefully formed the words around her tears.

“No explanation, I understand perfectly well.” Theo interrupted, giving her a thin-lipped smile. He wanted to go to her, but he remained firm.

Her hands twisted together, violently. “So that’s it?”

Theo said nothing. He waited for her to leave before he slammed the door with his wand and locked it. A helpless, keening noise rose in his chest, and he didn’t bother to stifle it. Blinking up at the ceiling, he let the anger flow through him—anger at himself, at Luna. He overturned his desk and put a hole through the wall, all the while shouting wordlessly. More than a few books found themselves on the Quidditch pitch, much to the confusion of the practicing team.

He never should have come back to Hogwarts. And he should never have fallen in love with Luna Lovegood.

**

Nott went about his classes like a dead man, that is to say with even less vim and vigor than Professor Binns. His students were frightened for his safety (and theirs). He floated aimlessly on his broom, staring at the ground, lost in his grieving thoughts. One time a student found him in the middle of Black Lake, just looking into the water, hovering. Eventually, a responsible Prefect reported Nott to the Headmaster after he set a student’s broom on fire for failing to follow Quidditch rules.

Minerva McGonagall was not equipped to help a man in his heartbreak, so she sent the only man she thought could crack the case. The resident romantic: Filius Flitwick. The professor who, every year, made sure Valentine’s Day was as lavish as Christmas--charming cupids, hanging garlands, and enchanting baskets of talking valentines for students to share. (Not that Filius neglected Christmas--it was, after all, he who festooned the castle with mistletoe at said winter celebration.)

After searching in Theo’s destroyed office (which he still refused to fix because it made him think of Luna), Flitwick found Nott lying face down on the Quidditch pitch, in the rain.

“Oh, dear Theodore.” Flitwick guided him to the Charms classroom. He set two glasses in front of them, filling them with a warm, hot chocolate straight from a thermos.

“Special recipe,” Flitwick said, handing Theo his glass. Theo took it. “You have been out of sorts, Theo.”

Theo looked at Flitwick miserably. “I can’t talk about it, Professor.” He had no clue as to whether anyone else knew about Luna’s…alter ego.

“Filius, please. Talk to me in…hypothetical terms.” Flitwick’s mustache twitched. “And really, for the sake of everyone’s health and wellbeing, you need to get what it is off your chest.”

Theo squeezed his eyes shut to push back the tears, squeezing the bridge of his nose for good measure. He let out a healthy sigh. “Um. What if you found out that…someone you love has a terrible—” his voice broke, he cleared his throat— “secret?”

“Oh, oh I see.” Flitwick (this is the only way Theo could think of him) adjusted his glasses. Flitwick held a long silence as Theo pressed his hand over his eyes. He could not believe he was crying in front of his professor.

“Well, Theo. I have a story to share, but I am speaking to you as a colleague, not your professor.” Flitwick gave him a significant look. Theo nodded. “Mr. Flitwick and I—”

“Mister Flitwick?” Theo couldn’t help himself.

“Yes, pet, keep up.” Flitwick waved a hand at him. “Mr. Flitwick and I had been married for about 17 years—time flies, we’ve been married much longer now. Anyway, in all that time, I never knew or suspected that he was half-banshee.”

Theo stared at Flitwick, uncomprehending. “Banshees…are all women?”

“Ah, yes, that is the crux of the matter: Mr. Flitwick had once been a woman.”

“And you didn’t notice?” This was incredible.

“Indeed not. His reconstructive magic work was really impeccable. His glamour and sexual magic—quite frankly what drew me to him in the first place—were of the most sensual order…”

Theo cleared his throat. He felt he was hearing something he shouldn’t. “Were you upset when you found out?”

“I was…surprised, certainly. But I was more injured by the fact that he had not told me. It meant that in all our years together, he had not trusted me with this truth about himself.” Flitwick gave Theo a significant look. “I left home for several weeks before I could figure out whether to forgive my dear Bernard and how to relate to him.”

“What did you do? How did you forgive him?” Theo asked, eyes never leaving Flitwick.

“By understanding why he hadn’t told me. We live in a world that does not appreciate difference, Theo. It is pathologized and maligned and met with violence. You come from a family, after all, that has a keen hatred of their magical others. Bernard had lived a lot of his life in fear and had experienced many harrowing things that I had not. I realized he was simply protecting himself by keeping a part of himself secreted away. I had no right to that secret, of course.”

Theo blinked. “I don’t understand,” he whispered.

“Do you love Luna enough to accept her as she is? Can you forgive her?”

Theo’s face crumpled at the mention of Luna’s name. He buried his head in the crook of his arm to cover the sob. Flitwick patted him reassuringly.

“Love is difficult, dear man. It often does not feel as good as we expect. In any case, we love people for the way they evade our understanding, don’t we?”

Theo wiped his nose on his sleeve and sipped the warm chocolate. “Thank you, Filius,” he said.

“You’ll muddle through, Theo. Just remember that Luna experiences the world very differently than you do. That you are here and experiencing distress means your difficulties are not from a lack of love. Never forget that.”

Flitwick left Theo to his tears and sadness with a comforting pat on his forearm.   

Chapter Text

Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever

--“Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Bonnie Tyler

Luna had not seen Theo for over a month, not since her first failed effort to make amends. She spent her most recent transformation in the Forest, alone. She wondered if she ought just to move to the Forest permanently, give up wizardkind forever. She had to admit, she wasn’t a very good werewolf: she didn’t terrorize any villages or attack any villagers.

Instead, she hunted her boyfriend through the halls of Hogwarts.

Ugh.

Besides her nocturnal jaunt through the Forest, she remained in her room. Ashamed and mortified didn’t begin to cover how she felt about hunting Theo. Her body went cold at the thought of him. What he now knew. How could he ever love her again?

But she was also angry that he hadn’t come to see her in all that time. Had he loved her at all? Was his absence just a testament to a darker truth about their relationship? That it was only a couple of shags in strange places?

Her mind shunted elsewhere.  

Luna cried into her Butter Beer and Hagrid awkwardly patted her back. It mostly felt like being thumped by a bear, but she appreciated the thought. 

“He only loves this idea of pure Luna. But I’m not her. Now he knows about me, knows my secret, Hagrid.” 

Luna had told Hagrid about herself simply because she had no one else to talk to. As she expected, he was more interested in learning about her wolf form than talking about her relationship problems. So she humored him until she could no longer hold of the real question: the effect her wolf side was having on her love life.

“You know I’m not on Nott’s side, Luna. But ye man’s daft fer ya. It’d take a lot more than the monthly furs to scare him off.” 

Luna started giggling uncontrollably. “The monthly WHAT?”

Hagrid grinned. “Furs. Remus gave me that one, said it once or twice. Funnier for the ladies because—”

Hagrid clamped his mouth shut and turned beet red. 

Luna was cackling, barely taking in air. Tears streamed down her cheeks and when she could finally breathe, she threw her arms around as much of Hagrid as she could manage. 

“Thank you, my friend.”

“You’re welcome, Luna.” 

They sipped their beers contentedly. 

“You know, it was like that with me and Madame Maxime. She refused to acknowledge she was half giant she did. And when I told her I was half giant we were on the outs for week.” 

“What happened?” 

“We-we-er made up. You know.” 

Luna raised her eyebrows. 

“Giants aren’t much for chit chat,” he said, by way of defense. 

Luna just smiled and shook her head.

A comfortable silence spread between them.

“Luna,” Hagrid began. When she didn’t respond, he continued. “Maybe you should get help.”

“You think I need help?” Luna sounded hurt.

“No, not like that. Maybe we should talk ter Remus. He knows what yer going through, I reckon.”

“I’m sure he’s dreadfully busy,” Luna said.

Hagrid snorted. “Werewolves in high demand—that’ll be the day.”

This sarcasm from Hagrid made her laugh. “I’ll think about it,” was all she would agree to.

“Gotta be headin’ on, Luna.” He clapped a heavy hand on her shoulder. She winced when he squeezed just a bit too hard. “It’ll work out, you’ll see.”

Luna did not believe him.

**

Time passed and Luna was little more than walking anxiety.

This particular morning, Luna took in a deep breath, hand stroking the leaves of a mandrake. She was supposed to be repotting them for her second years, but she didn’t have it in her. Her imagination was more active than her hands. She had visited the Forest’s edge again to calm down, but also to contemplate running away from everything. Spend all her life in wolf form. She felt, each time, like she was visiting the edge of her own darkness. Hagrid was right: she couldn’t face this alone.

Maybe she could get Theo back. After talking with Hagrid, she felt it was worth it to explain to Theo about herself. She couldn’t imagine how she was going to tell him, everything she came up with in her head sounded so…ridiculous.

Tears welled in Luna’s eyes and it made her angry.   

When they fought in his office, the way he had shut her down emptied her head of all thought. She couldn’t stand up for herself. She was furious at the way he had spoken to her, even though she felt she had no right to be angry. Trying to kill your boyfriend kind of trumped all other injury, didn’t it? No—he could have heard her out. He could have tried to understand, even if he—if he—she cleared her throat but still couldn’t bring the thought to fruition.   

She couldn’t keep chasing this same thought around her head; it pushed out all others. She just had to talk to Theo. But she had to make sure to catch him where he couldn’t avoid her. But he also had to feel safe, too, otherwise she was just walking into a room with another mammal as scared as she was.

She felt a bolt of ice go through her at the thought of shifting in front of Theo. She had been so careless. Luna had told Hagrid about it, and about the stories she had read, about sexuality exacerbating lycanthropy, so could it have been…? But Hagrid told her that Lupin dispelled that myth for him. (Hagrid was curious about the sex lives of werewolves from a purely magizoological standpoint, not a social one.)

Zap! Luna knew what to do. She ran as fast as she could to Hagrid’s hut, the swirl of smoke her guiding…well, smoke. She knocked rapidly on the door. Hagrid opened, pipe in his mouth, Fang ready to slobber her to death.

“Luna, hello, come in.”

“Thanks!” She ducked in and waited while Hagrid poured her some whiskey in a mug the size of a tureen.

“Hagrid, I am going to accept your help.”

Hagrid preened. “Anything fer you, Luna. I’ve already written to Lupin.”

Luna’s jaw dropped as Remus Lupin came into the cabin. “Hello Luna.”

“Professor!”

Lupin chuckled. “Not anymore, though I appreciate the courtesy. Call me Remus. Sit, sit.”

They gathered around Hagrid’s table.

“Hagrid told me about your predicament, Luna. I’m very sorry to hear about what happened.”

Luna gritted her jaw against a wave of feeling. It felt humiliating for him to know. “I feel awful—and I just want to get Theo back, make him understand.”

Remus’s eyes were kind. “Theo has to be able to make his own choice, Luna. You know that?” Luna nodded reluctantly. “I once made the same mistake you did but my lover…never came back. So the work we’re about to do might not get you Theo, but it will improve your experience.”

Hagrid gave Luna an encouraging nod.

“Do you take wolfsbane?”

Luna made a face. “It makes me ill.”

“That’s okay—its only real purpose is to make you so tired you can’t do any harm. What I’d like to teach you is to retain your human consciousness between forms. This will make your time as a wolf more pleasurable for you and it will make it safer for your loved ones.”

“That isn’t possible,” Luna said, astounded.

“It is possible—there is little information about werewolf experience, I’m afraid, Luna. I am working on a manuscript at the moment to correct that. You are going to be my second guinea pig in this matter—as I was my first, best test case.” Remus smiled at her.

“What do we have to do?”

**

Luna stroked her plants over and over, keeping her eyes away from the antique timekeeper she kept in the greenhouse. She had gotten here early to make sure everything was tidy, but, really, she just need somewhere to discharge her anxiety, and needed a place that felt comforting. She had been practicing what she wanted to say, over and over, but there was no guarantee that Theo would respond predictably. She paced and waited, paced and waited. Every time she heard a noise, her heart skipped a little.

Her emotions were even more overwhelming than usual because she was tired: most nights she was out in the Forbidden Forest shifting and running with Remus. He was teaching her to make her shifts more comfortable and to see through both her wolf and human eyes. She never thought it was possible, that she could be more than a monster.

After weeks of practice, Remus told her she was ready and that she could talk to Theo. But they both knew Theo was not going to voluntarily show up. Hagrid volunteered to fetch the man and deliver him, whether of his own free will or tied up. (It was a sweet gesture really.)

Tonight was going to be the first night she saw Theo since their fight in his office, so long ago now. She was on edge but she couldn’t deny she was also anticipating the pleasure of their encounter.

In other words, Luna was already aroused.

Finally, Theo was there. Hagrid hauled him in by his collar, a scowl on both of the men’s faces. Hagrid blocked the door, crossing his arms. Theo bared his teeth at Hagrid in a particularly unconvincing smile and then turned to Luna. He straightened his now disorderly robes and smoothed his hair back.

“Luna,” Hagrid said with a nod.

Luna gave a small bow of appreciation before Hagrid left them.

“Theo—”

“I don’t really have anything to say to you, Luna,” he said, his voice overpowering hers. He kept talking but Luna didn’t hear him. she felt like a tea kettle about to scream and steam so she started shouting over him.

“I’msorryIhadtobringyouherelikethisbutyougavemenochoice!” Her voice ended on a shriek.

Theo’s eyes narrowed but he still refused to look at her. Pain bloomed behind Luna’s sternum.  

“I wanted to apologize,” Luna said, her hands pressed together under her chin. When he stayed quiet, she went on to explain, “I’m so, so sorry. I had been distracted and didn’t realize it was a blue moon.”

Theo finally looked at Luna, those beautiful green eyes really seeing her now.

“I don’t know what to do, Luna,” he finally said. “That’s a huge secret to keep. Whatever trust we had is…”

“I know,” Luna said, swallowing around the lump in her throat. She pressed her hands together to keep them steady. “But I didn’t want to end everything before it began—would you have stayed if I said, ‘Oh, as a side note, I’m a werewolf.’”

Theo’s expression was unreadable.

“Your silence isn’t encouraging,” Luna said, her voice taking on a cruel edge.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Luna. You really almost killed me. I was fucking terrified.” His face twisted in anger.

“I know, I know. You have every right to be angry. I put you in a dangerous position. But I can get better—I’m getting better so you won’t be in any danger.” Luna was pleading now. “I just want—”

Theo shook his head, silencing her for the moment.

The space between them gradually closed as they spoke, as if their respective commitments to distance had been resolutely refused by their bodies. The movement was unconscious, but it was real, nonetheless.

She started again: “I have been getting help. Remus Lupin has been supervising my shifts and my wolf behavior. He would like us to…well, he wants to show you my progress and that I’ve learned to inhabit my…other self differently.”

Theo blanched for a moment; his hands shook and he put them in his pockets. “Um—I don’t know—”

“You can walk away if you want, Theo, but I just want one more chance—maybe you can still—”

“Still what?” His voice was softer this time.

“Still want me,” Luna said quietly, the corners of her lips turning downward. “I need you, Theo. You make my whole body sing.” 

Theo’s eyes searched over her face, for a long moment. He ran his hand along her braid, wrapping it around his hand, thumb stroking a thick strand. “I’m afraid, Luna,” Theo said. He took his bottom lip between his teeth in uncertainty. It made him look like a much younger man. Luna’s hunger for him grew.

“Please,” she said against his skin.

His shoulders fell.

Luna kissed his throat, softly, hesitantly, rubbing her lips against the stubble that he had cultivated. Theo did not pull away from her, but he also didn’t move. Her fingers nimbly undid buttons as her mouth trailed downwards until she stopped at his belt. On her knees, she looked up at him, the question in her eyes. For several long, terrible moments, Theo and Luna were frozen, looking at one other, both of them equally afraid of the person before them.

Theo leaned against the potting table with a shaky breath and nodded. His eyes didn’t leave hers as she released his erection.

Summoning all her book knowledge of fellatio, Luna was going to make it up to Theodore Nott.  She kissed along his shaft, tongue tracing the vein that ran along the bottom. Theo started to make a humming noise. Her tongue dove into the soft folds of his balls, tasting sweat and skin. She took the tip of his cock into her mouth, swirling slightly—

Theo jerked against the table, hand coming to her head. She looked up at him in alarm, pulling her mouth away.

“It’s okay,” he said, breathy. “Just very sensitive.”

Luna’s hands fluttered at her side in uncertainty. She was messing this up! Theo could see her hesitation now, so he gave her a reassuring smile. Hand cradling her jaw, he guided her back to his cock, helping her find a rhythm with her mouth. He put his hand along his shaft in demonstration. She wrapped her own fingers around his firm warmth.

“Yes, Luna.”

His head fell back, stealing all her breath.

She moved patiently, not too fast but not too slow, listening to Theo’s breathing as she pleasured him. There was something so strange and beautiful about his vulnerability in this moment. Luna. She moved a little more quickly, hand moving along his length, mouth sucking softly. Theo’s hand went to the back of her head, holding her firmly in place as he thrust into her, coming in her mouth. The burst of warmth and wetness in her mouth surprised her, her eyes widening. She gave one final suck along his cock, swallowing his fluid.

Luna sat back on her heels, eyes on Theo’s. He looked down at her, a gorgeous pink flush along his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

In a husky voice, he said, “Come here, witch.”

Chapter Text

That girl is pretty wild now
The girl's a super freak
I really like to taste her
Every time we meet
She's alright, she's alright
That girl's alright with me, yeah

-“Super Freak” by Rick James

Luna was back within Theo’s reach. This was both thrilling and concerning. Thrilling because of the way she took his breath away, made his heart pound, and his body flush just by being near him. Concerning because, despite knowing she could eat him, she still wrecked his ability to do anything else. His students protested his lack of attention, but given the burning broom incident, they mostly grumbled to themselves instead of outright rebellion.

Being in love was, quite frankly, like being ill.

He wouldn’t wish being in love on his worst enemy.

Being in love meant running naked down corridors, something that the portraits were still laughing about, spreading the news and overly detailed descriptions of Theo’s body. (Until he threatened to cast an erasing charm on their no-good gossiping oil paints.)

Theo sat at his desk, mind on Luna’s face as she knelt before him. Pleasure suffused his body, intensified by pain at her absence. The terrible feeling of want. The terrible feeling of inadequacy. She had made herself vulnerable to him in ways he refused to do for her. He held himself slightly aloof, even in their reconciliation, as if he didn’t totally believe her—as if he didn’t entirely trust himself. Letting her pleasure him the other night had been a big step for him, after the danger and betrayal.

Theo didn’t know how to love another person.

That much was obvious.

But he could try. Love was terrifying on its own terms, but more so when your partner was potentially deadly.

An owl landed on his desk, a small screech owl that blinked laconically at him. He untied the note and the owl took off, leaving droppings on his desk in thanks.

“Fucking bird,” Theo muttered.

Come to the Forest, tonight’s the night.
XO, Luna.

Theo took a shaking breath and put his head in his hands. He didn’t think he could do this.

**

When he arrived at the Forest’s edge, Luna stood with Lupin and Hagrid, the latter man holding a giant lamp aloft.

“Hello, Theo,” Lupin said, holding out his hand to shake Theo’s.

Hagrid glared.

“Thank you for including me,” Theo said, with some difficulty. Anxiety was lodged in his throat.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to mend things with Luna and allow her a chance to show you how she has improved.” Lupin gave him a dazzling smile, as if Theo didn’t have a choice to do these things.

“You better take care around her, boy,” Hagrid growled.

“It’s okay, Hagrid,” Luna said, touching his arm. Hagrid’s face settled back into a less chatty threat of violence.

“Follow me,” Lupin said. He led them into the dark forest, their feet crunching leaves as they went along. They came to a rather large clearing. Lupin and Luna went to one edge while Hagrid and Theo went to another. Theo suspected Hagrid was to tackle him in case he ran.

“Now, Theo, we want to explain this to you so you understand; most fear is a lack of understanding,” Lupin said, clearly in his pedagogical element. (That Lupin believed wholeheartedly in the capacity of information to dispel negative attitudes was a rather charming optimism in the face of all available evidence..)

“I’ll let her explain herself,” Lupin continued, “but first I want to explain that most fearmongering about werewolves is the result of failures of culture: werewolves are often isolated, maligned, and poor. This means that their options for survival are limited and their knowledge about how to control and grow into their werewolf form are nonexistent. So while wizard kind enjoys pointing to werewolf attacks as evidence of subwizard status, it is a reality created by oppression. The fear is caused by propaganda in the absence of any support. But now, Luna here will tell you about all the work she has done…”

Lupin nodded to Luna.

Luna’s eyes were vulnerable, fearful, as if she thought Theo wouldn’t listen to her. Pain shot through him at this look. But he himself felt uncomfortable.

“Lupin has been teaching me to shift in and out of my form whether or not it’s a full moon. It is fully possible to carry human consciousness into my wolf form, but it is fairly rudimentary, a kind of “friend and foe” logic that operates on the familiarity of smell. In other words, I can sense who is a pack member and who is not.”

“Precisely!” Lupin interjected.

“So the point of this exercise is to show you what my shift looks like without you being afraid and to give my consciousness a chance to integrate your smell as a friendly party rather than…”

“Dinner?” Theo offered. Humor was his token of good will.

Luna smiled, rolling her eyes. “Yes. That way, you aren’t to be hunted according to my wolf brain.”

Theo nodded. “Uh, so—what should I do?”

“Just observe,” Lupin said. “And if you’re comfortable, you can touch Luna in her wolf form and maybe sit with her a while.” (Theo’s body gave a lurch—he wasn’t sure if it was fright or more sexual or if these two things had become inexplicably tangled.)

Lupin gestured for Luna to begin.

As Theo watched Luna transform into a werewolf, he got a lesson in what it means to love another person and himself. As fear raced through him, it also coexisted with an undeniable pull toward Luna. Repulsion and attraction were entwined. What he did recognize, at a bodily, if not conscious level, was that Luna was entirely vulnerable as her body came apart and reconstituted himself. She was showing him her worst, ugliest moments. She was, through her action, allowing his own ugliest self to emerge in its fear, disgust, prejudice and, yes, his own feeling of unlovability. She 

It is a truism, perhaps, that love means taking on board all the worst parts of one’s lover. Love, then, is not for the faint of heart because it is not the other’s beauty or wit or wealth that we love. (Though there are those who certainly want these traits in other people because they are not concerned with love but status.) Instead, we love that which is most ugly about the lover, because they show us what is most ugly about ourselves. Our lover teaches us to love those parts we would wish to forget. With this gift, our lover delivers us.

Luna sat before him, star pupils set among the ocean. She was still Luna. Just. Different.

“It’s alright,” Lupin said encouragingly. Hagrid gruffly pushed Theo forward.

Theo stayed where he was, because of a terrible conflict within him: the feeling of wanting to not be scared and actually being afraid. He let out a long breath and stepped toward her, clenching his hands at his side. Luna’s ears went back, as if she didn’t trust him. As he got closer, h couldn’t see her as anything other than he was: a scared mammal.

He stopped in front of Luna. He held out his trembling hand, like you would to a dog. Luna’s nose flared and contracted as she took in his scent. There was a terrible pause where she didn’t move at all. When she rose to her paws, Theo stumbled back.

“Don’t—make any sudden movements just yet,” Lupin said, quietly.

“I thought you said this was safe,” Theo said without moving his lips.

“Safe, yes. But if you start running like an idiot, you’re going to be in for one hell of a night.”

Theo let out a small, hysterical laugh and then groaned. He stood still. Luna ducked her head and approached him, sniffing at his fingers again. He twitched slightly and she moved away.

This couldn’t be real.

Theo sat down so he wouldn’t appear so intimidating—what the world must look like when you’re only a couple feet tall, he wondered. Luna approached him more quickly this time, sniffing all along his arm. Involuntarily, his hand rose. He rubbed one, soft ear between his fingers. Luna’s eyes closed. He pulled away, startled by his own comfort. She looked at him with those star pupils.

Then she rubbed her head along his chest, working up to her shoulder, going back and forth. She leapt away, in play stance.

“You’ll be okay,” Lupin said, coming over to clap him on the shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

Theo was not reassured that Lupin sounded relieved. Had he been worried this wouldn’t work?

“Ye still afraid, Nott?” Hagrid asked, voice sharp.

Theo’s head dropped to his hands.

Lupin and Hagrid (who gave Theo a dirty look and told him, “My shotgun hasn’t gotten a lot of use recently”) left the clearing so he was facing Luna who was slowly becoming human again, her body contracting and writhing.

There wasn’t a single sound in the clearing as she lay in the leaves, the moonlight shining on her naked body.

He approached her, kneeling above her.

“Luna?”

“Mmm?”

He sighed in relief. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Luna nodded, her eyes still closed. “It just hurts a little bit,” she whispered.

Her body called to his—even after what he had seen. She was teeth and fur and blood but also gold and soft and, well, Luna. All Luna.

She opened his eyes to meet his. Her eyes were still stars. This unsettled him for a moment. He moved back slightly.

“Don’t be afraid, Theo. I’m in control.” Luna’s voice was thick, but her own. Her whole body shivered.

He couldn’t move away from her—the force between them was too strong. Her hand reached out to touch his jaw, firm and wanting. A heavy sadness hung between them: of mended trust, shame, and a hesitant hope.

Luna’s lips met Theo’s. Her skin was hot, her warm tongue delving into his mouth. Magic crackled along his skin—it was pleasant, arousing. Luna’s hands pushed his robes to the forest floor and pulled his shirt away, fingers exploring his chest, his abs, drawing a quivering line along his waistband. Her fingers seemed hesitant, as if she weren’t familiar with what lay beneath.

Luna pulled away from Theo.

“I want you to take your clothes off,” Luna whispered.

Theo slowly stripped, Luna’s gaze never waving. Luna’s body shone in the dim light. He could already see wetness along the inside of her thighs. He Transfigured the leaves beneath her into large, soft bedding with pillows. She lay back on the pillows, half-propped. Theo knelt between her legs, stroking himself as she held his gaze. He was breathless.

“Can you—” She touched his jaw, guiding him downward.

“Are you sure?” Theo asked, remembering her earlier displeasure.

Luna closed her eyes in assent. “Just remember—”

“Pressure,” Theo said with a grin.

“And can you lay so I can…see you?”

Theo understood. This was going to take some coordination. He leaned down on his forearm, two fingers tested at Luna’s opening, fingers gliding inside her. His slow motions drew a satisfied noise from her. She watched him with her bottom lip between her teeth. He lowered his head, closing his mouth around her clit, giving a firm suck.

Theo. Luna gasped.

He kept his eyes on her as he touched himself. He oscillated between his pleasure and her own, the intensity of her gaze building his orgasm faster than he wanted. He tried to slow down, focusing on licking and sucking at Luna’s pleasure, fingers beckoning inside her.

Luna tangled her fingers in Theo’s hair, pressing his face further into her pussy as she kept her eyes on his own pleasure. His hand moved faster as she made small cries, pleasure erupting desperately from her mouth. The sounds came from deep within her chest and more quickly. Luna’s hips arced against him as she let out a long, low moan. He felt her release into him at the same time he came into his hand. They both did not move for a moment. He unwrapped his hand from his cock and pulled out of her. Kneeling between her legs, he licked away all of Luna’s wetness firmly and slowly as she hummed happily. Theo leaned across her, their chests touching. He kissed her with wet, swollen lips that she sucked between her teeth.

Against his lips, Luna sighed. She held his face in her hands, nuzzling against him. Luna’s pupils softened into circles again and her face glowed. He rubbed his hand gently along her wetness, the inside of her thighs, her full hips, her slightly rounded belly. The edge of her breath. Such softness and strength at once—she undid him.

“I love you Luna,” he whispered.

“And I you,” she said.

Chapter Text

I hear the crystal raindrops fall
On the window down the hall
And it becomes the morning dew
And, darling, when the morning comes
And I see the morning sun
I wanna be the one with you

--“Just the Two of Us” by Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers

Theo threw on her the bed, both of their bodies covered in dew and grass, pressing frantic kisses all over her body. Luna was just as rushed in getting Theo’s clothes off so she could feel him inside her. Her entire body was alight with sensation and desire, breathless from their morning run in the woods, and so incredibly turned on by the force with which he kissed and touched her.

He sucked at her sweat covered skin, making her gasp. His tongue was quick and teasing at her pussy, lapping at her as if she were the most delicious thing in the world. It drove her crazy to see his head between her legs, devouring her with relish and pleasure. Her fingers tangled in his dark curls. When his eyes met hers, they were on fire. 

“My turn.” She was too close to the edge, and she wanted to take him this time.

Pressing him back on the bed, she stroked his cock gently, kneeling over it. She rubbed her wetness against the tip of him until he hissed. He grabbed her hips, trying to force her down but she jerked back. She was in control here. She wanted to see and feel his desire, hold it at bay for as long as she could. His eyes darkened when he saw what she was doing.

With a grin, she slowly lowered onto him, expanding around him, each inch of pressure bringing a shaky breath from her. Theo’s hands grasped at her hips and she covered his hands with her own as she moved slowly on him.

“Luna, please—”

“Problem?” She breathed, pulling back.

Faster.

She was not going to go faster, she was going to pull a long, slow delicious orgasm out of him and into her own body. As she worked along his cock, she reached down to touch herself, drawing Theo’s eyes. He groaned, watching her. In her distraction, he interrupted her rhythm, thrusting up into her. Theo. She leaned down to capture his mouth in hers, fucking him faster until he shouted into her mouth. His shout turned into soft, moaning sounds as he filled her with warmth and pleasure. Her own orgasm was a slow rocking against him, pressing against him hard to bring every single wave through her with a cry.

Theo.

**

“That was all rather exciting, wasn’t it?” Luna drew her nails lazily across Theo’s pec, circling his brown, taut nipple. His head was in her naked lap, and he tilted his head to breathe in deeply and happily. His hair brushed her now sensitive and swollen lips.

“What we just did or our run through the woods?”

Luna snorted.

“I have to say, I never expected to take my morning constitutional with my wolf girlfriend.” (After his near-death experience, Theo had rededicated himself to cardio every day.)

They lay silent, Theo’s eyes on her. She would occasionally catch his eye and then look away, blushing. Simply being in Theo’s presence was enough, even as it brought out a contradictions of feeling within her, an utter calm but also an inner riot. Luna had to be close to him, otherwise the noise in her head was even worse. But she could now enjoy his company without needing to jump his bones every few hours.

Theo had grown more comfortable with her in her wolf form. She accompanied him on his morning runs as her furry self, and he didn’t mind seeing her, drenched and exhausted and nude, smelling of forest and wet dog, after her full moon romps. She kept up regular correspondence with Lupin detailing her lycanthropy symptoms and her success at controlling various aspects. Lupin was confident they had made a breakthrough—he even wanted to publish a paper on her experience, to improve the condition of werewolves everywhere and to combat misinformation. Luna hadn’t agreed yet, but he promised her total anonymity. His research seemed to make him so happy, she would eventually agree.

“Do you think you’ll ever forgive me for almost eating you?” She asked, looking down at him.

A small smile gathered at his lips.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, while he thought.

“You don’t have to be, Luna,” he said, bringing her knuckles to his lips. “We were two very inexperienced and frightened creatures.”

Luna’s chest hurt to hear those words, so kind, so loving.

“Can I—” Luna’s head jerked up at his voice after such a long silence. “Can I take you somewhere?”

“Me?” Luna asked.

Theo laughed, stealing a kiss. “No one else around, love.”

“Can I get dressed first?”

Theo traced his fingers along her naked abdomen, just above her pubis. “I quite like you naked,” he said.

She batted his hand away, jumping up to grab her favorite robe, a black velvet piece with burned flowers to go over a flowing, black slip. (Both excellent House Elf finds.) She grabbed her small go bag, the one she had for her full-moon excursions.

Theo pulled his pants and robe on. He peeked out into the corridor from her room, gesturing that the coast was clear. He led her, quickly, out to the Quidditch pitch. Their feet were bare, but the dewy grass stuck to their heels as they ran. Luna was giggling uncontrollably. Theo flashed a smile back at her, all teeth and happiness. It lit her up from the inside.

“Your steed, my lady.”

“Why thank you, kind sir!” She mounted his broom. Theo settled in behind her. He nuzzled the curve of her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

They rocketed into the air, Luna squealing as the cold air hit her skin. They skimmed the treetops at speed. The lake shimmered beneath them with early morning grace. Theo’s body was warm and firm behind her, a contrast to the cold air that rubbed her cheeks raw. Her stomach was quite lost by the time Theo landed them on the other side of the anti-Apparation ward. Broom in one hand, he reached out for Luna’s hand.

Luna’s head spun as the Apparate pulled her through time and space to land her at the seaside. The white cliffs shone starkly in the dim sun and, there, before them, was a small white house with a flat front.

“Where are we?”

“Just a secret place,” he said. “It belonged to my mother before she married my father, and so it was not seized.”

Luna was thrilled at the small house: everything inside was exposed wood and older furniture. It smelled old, too. It was just big enough for two people, with a bed near windows and facing a fireplace, a wall separating the kitchen and bathroom on the other side. 

Theo got a fire roaring. The sudden heat in the living room brought goosebumps up all along her skin. She dropped her bag on the floor. She stared out at the sea that churned against the cliffs. It was grey and fierce.

Theo wrapped his arms around her waist, startling her out of her meditation on the waves.

“Luna, I’m sorry.”

Luna tried to turn to look at him, but he held her firm. “For what?”

“For how terribly I treated you after your unexpected…incident.” He pressed his lips to her hair. “I was frightened and angry and I took it out on you instead of trying to understand.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered. She wasn’t sure what else to say.

“No, it’s not. I thought the problem was going to be how I could ever forgive you for almost eating me—” he laughed. “But can you ever forgive me? For being so cruel? For a long, insufferable absence when you needed me most?”

“Yes,” Luna said to the sea, after a long silence. “I know it’s not every day you find out your girlfriend is a werewolf.”

“Girlfriend, eh?” Theo’s laugh rumbled in her own throat.

 She elbowed him playfully.

“Oof,” he said. Theo held her closer until she wriggled under the pressure.

He took in a breath and continued. “I’m really sorry, Luna. I’m not sure what it means to be your man, yet, but I am here, always here. No matter what form you take.”

Luna’s body felt like it was folding in on itself from the intensity of emotion. She tapped her fingers along his arms, mind blank of any words. It seemed a crime that neither of them was good at relationships…or words.

“Just let me love you,” he whispered to her.

She nodded vigorously, a tear falling. She batted it away quickly.

Overwhelmed by the closeness and heat of the small house by the sea, Luna excused herself to change. Theo let her go with a sigh.  

“I’m going to take a walk, Theo.”

He nodded, not moving from the window.

The wind whipped all around her, threatening to carry her off with the next, firm gust. The wind on her skin was erotic and every part of her felt alive. The sound of the sea comforted her, as she loved water more than any other element.

Tears dried on her face in the wind as she thought about the future she’d never expected. Luna mulled all the emotional turmoil and the uncertainty of loving another person—whether she could do it well, whether she would be hurt. Hurt seemed guaranteed. Whether they could heal from it, she did not know. But it seemed like they were well on the way.

She sat down in the wet grass beneath the grey sky. She was alone for a long time until Theo sat beside her, his hair mussed by the wind. His green eyes were happy and sad, his jaw at ease. She nestled into the crook of his arm, pressing her face to his throat.

“What if I’m not good at loving you?” She asked.

“I don’t think anyone is good at love,” Theo replied.

“It would make things easier, if we were,” she said.

"I think you just have to avoid eating the other person."

Luna groaned. "Are you <i>ever</i> going to forgive me?"

Theo just laughed and Luna kept her eyes on the sea, a small smile playing on her lips.

He put a finger under her chin to make eye contact. “Love is rarely easy or kind,” he said. “It’s disruptive, difficult.”

“Is that how it feels to love me?” Luna asked. She felt a little hurt by his description.

Theo gave her a faint smile. “You upended my world, Luna. I was going to live out my days in quiet misery at Hogwarts, but there you were. You saw me, even though I wanted to hide. I can’t look at you directly—you shine too bright.”

Luna made a pleased sound. Maybe it was her turn to tell him something similar: but her earlier musings had left her with nothing. All descriptive words had slipped through her fingers. Theodore Nott was still a kind of unknown: what she loved about him always evaded her, as Theo was not the sum of his parts or characteristics. She could list out the traits she observed about him but that told her nothing about who he was. Or what it meant to love him. She could add up all his admirable qualities—his bravery, his honesty, his humor, his forgiveness—but still, she was no closer to catching Theo in her description.

“I don’t understand why you love me,” she finally said.

“Me either,” Theo said, his smile bigger this time.

“I’ll always be a werewolf, you know,” she told him. She propped her arms on her knees, resting her chin on her forearm. “Does that scare you?”

Theo shook his head. “Not anymore.” He pulled her towards him, so their crossed legs overlapped.

Luna still could find no words to express what Theo meant to her. She pushed an errant curl out of his face and held his gaze. With a small smile, she said, “Theodore Nott, you are my pleasure.” 

Theo’s eyes darkened and he kissed her neck, lips firm and teeth pressing into her skin. She sighed into him. And there, on the cliffs, by the roaring sea, their skin dew damp and grass scented, they made love and promised each other a world of pleasure and delight.