Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The ringing is too loud.

Engrained into Kit’s mind, she could swear it would never leave her. Someone is talking to her, but Jade’s screaming.

And this damn ringing.

Blood is seeping to her, like he’s still trying to—

She’s being pushed to the ground, and when she lets out a particularly loud scream, a shoe connects her nose, sending her to the mercy of darkness

Looking down at her glass, she contemplates her decision to drink tonight.

She needs it, watching Jade from a distance.

She gulps, and looks at the string lights the party committee took days to assemble. It looks nice in here, warm. Nothing makes you forget, but these things help.

It’s not often they have these gatherings, and it’s not often that Kit gets to enjoy them. Often opting to guard the wall and relieving at least one person to enjoy themselves.

She had a hard time growing up as Tir Asleen’s leader’s daughter.

She feels Boorman’s presence —annoying and a nuisance—before she sees his hulking form. He has his hair down, “That way you can tell I’m partying, not being the Captain. I don’t want to confuse anyone.” Earning a record number of eye rolls in response.

“You could, I don’t know, talk to her.” He says, gulping down, Kit’s sure, his fourth drink.

Kit shrugs, “Nothing to talk about.”

“That kicked puppy, yearning look is saying quite the opposite.”

Kit immediately schools her expression, “Alright, Boorman.” she mumbles, looking at the opposite direction of both him and Jade.

“I’m just saying. When you’re upset, it’s like a thing everyone can feel. It’s actually insane, how heavy the air feels right now.” Boorman says, gesturing lazily around the air of the large tent they’re in. She looks at Elora and Graydon, happily whispering things to each other as they sway to the music. Kit feels a pang of envy. 

“It’s about to rain, plus, you could talk to your sister in law instead. She’s the one who’s upset, not me.” Kit says, finishing her drink and immediately turning to the bar asking for one more. Just one.

“I did. She told me to fuck off.”

“Hey, there’s an idea.” she deadpans. She didn’t understand why Boorman always stuck his nose into Kit and Jade’s business.

“Alright, fine. Sulk all night. You know, I don't even know why I care. I’m going to dance with the love of my life.”

That genuinely makes her chuckle for the first time in days. “Yeah, you really are a miracle worker if you can get Scorpia to dance.”

He shrugs as he walks away, “And I will try until the day I die.”

She shakes her head to herself, and as soon as no distraction presents itself, her eyes fall back to Jade. She looks radiant today, or maybe Kit just misses her. Her curls, usually pulled back in braids or a bun, are loose around her face. Like a halo of fire. She’s laughing with the younger recruits she’s been training. She curses herself for the millionth time this week. She wishes she could take back everything.

Her hand tightens on the glass she’s holding and she turns, giving Jade her back.

Coming here was a bad idea.

“You barely show face, and when you do you mope by the bar?” Her mother’s voice ring in her ear.

Kit sighs, loudly and dramatically. “Hi, Mom.”

“Kit,” she says, firm but disappointed, like Kit’s still a child. “I don’t know how many times I’ve got to tell you this.”

“Then don’t.” Kit says, harsher than maybe what she intended.

She heard her mother sigh, and then lean on the bar, facing the dancing crowd. “I don’t know how to make you see.”

Kit bites her lower lip, looking down at her arm resting on the bar table. The stool a little wobbly if she moves too much.

“I owe these people—" She cuts herself off, and Kit can see from her peripheral that she’s shaking her head. “I owe these people a good life.”

“Yes,” Kit says, “You do. You saved these people from your own mother. You brought them here. You built this.”

“Kit.” Again with that tone.

Kit only shakes her head. She’s not about to repeat herself. “It’s a party,” she takes a sip. “let’s not dampen anyone’s spirits.”

“You were already doing that,” her mother says, a small smirk playing on her lips. “Still not talking?”

Kit doesn’t have to ask, she shakes her head once.

“You’ll get through it.” She says, tapping the table once and standing straight. “It’s Jade.”

Kit rubs her face as she hears her mother retreat. She can't tell her mother that Jade is done with her. 

It’s gonna be a long night.

The thing is, Kit is friendly-ish with a lot of people in Tir Asleen. She can get her job done well enough. But at the end of the day, she can only unwind and talk to Jade. Even when she doesn’t even wanna hear her own voice. So, standing here, alone, is kind of pathetic. Especially when Jade is being tossed from person to person, being pulled into a million different conversations.

Kit can’t blame them. Not really. Talking to Jade is one of her favorite activities. It’s just upsetting that she can’t do that now without Jade wanting to rip her head off.

She, pathetically, leaves early.

Outside the rain patters softly, a reminder that a harsh winter is coming. She pulls on her jacket and her hood, mostly because she doesn’t want anyone to stop her to talk. 

She shakes her head. This is exactly what her mother is talking about.

You cannot mold someone into being a people’s person. They tried the opposite with Airk, and he turned and got a girl pregnant. Her name was Maria, a young girl her brother was seeing for a while. She thought this was it. He still has nightmares of losing them to this day.

Now Airk barely leaves his room.

She should go talk to him.

She can’t.

She can’t talk to anyone about Jade but Jade.

She shuts the door to her room, roughly. Like sealing her thoughts outside with the rain.

Jade knows she’s obsessively wiping at this sniper rifle. She knows it’s been clean the past three minutes, but it’s her favorite. The feeling of wiping a clicker or, better, a runner from a vantage point itches a part of her that only she understands.

And she can’t stop stressing from every aspect of her life.

With much force, she slowly gives it to Tom, who is quietly watching her. “Don’t ask.” She only mutters, in which Tom winks at her with a “You got it.”

She begins on her pistol, a less favored weapon but one she takes all the time when she leaves Tir Asleen’s gates for the easy ammo. She wipes, and whenever her thoughts come back to Kit, she wipes harder.

It’s not like she forgot, she just wants to ignore it for now.

Scorpia comes in the armory, and says, “There you are.”

Her older sister. She remembers her kindness from before. Remembers counting the stars with her on some nights. She's ten years older than her, so she remembers Jade clearly. Seeing her here after coming here with Ballentine has been surreal. An out of body experience. She told her she escaped their father as well, ending up here by herself. Her sister held her tight that night, Jade holding her just as tight. It made her feel safer, having her here. Though she was sure that she was safe with Ballentine.

Jade rolls her eyes, “You scheduled me in today.”

“Well, I’m scheduling you out. You’re going on patrol.” She says, scratching something on her pad. “You’re taking the western trail to the tower by the lake.”

Jade gets up with an exaggerated grunt, she nods to her sister. “Fine.”

“Great.” She says, then she turns to walk out. Only when she's out the door she says, “Oh, and you’re paired with the brat.”

“Wha—” But Scorpia, her traitorous sister, is gone. She sighs, but she doesn’t have time to think before Kit is swaggering in, always so happy to leave Tir Asleen.

“Hey,” Kit says, and Jade for once can’t read her expression. She doesn’t give herself time to when she greets her back then turns to Tom immediately.

“The usual, Tom, please.”

“Me too.” Kit parrots.

It’s quiet as they wait for Tom to gather their preferred weapons. Jade watching her hands as she drums her fingers, Kit watching the ground. Tom gives Jade her sniper rifle, her pistol and her rarely used shotgun. Kit gets her machine gun, pistol and shotgun, never one for patience.

Jade knows Kit has her combat knife tucked in her right hip. Jade’s on her right as well.

They, again, quietly strap their weapons to their bodies.

“Here,” Kit says, handing out a piece of cloth. For a second Jade frowns, then she recognizes her favorite jacket that she left at Kit's one night. The one the warms her to the bone. She takes it, her eyes flicker up.

“Thanks.” She says, though her heart squeezes.

“Yup.” Kit sniffles, waving back to Tom. Then when they turn to walk out, Kit slides closer to Jade. “I, uh, already told them to get Eclipse and Shimmer ready to go.”

“Thanks. That’ll save up some time.” She says, because she has nothing else to say. Then she winces when she feels Kit stiffen next to her. Jade doesn’t explain herself. She tends not to when she’s upset at somebody.

Then Kit, never one to let things go, holds Jade’s arm, stopping her in her tracks. Jade forces herself to look Kit in her eyes. “Hey, can we talk? when we get there? I don’t want us going out there on bad terms.”

“We’re fine.” Jade purposely avoids her other question.

“Jade, please.” Kit says, blue eyes bright.

Jade bites her bottom lip, then nods as nonchalantly as she could, “Yeah, okay.”

“Thanks.”

Jade continues walking.

She signs them out by the gate, and goes back up on Shimmer. They’re trudging the western trail they’ve patrolled a thousand times, always asking to be paired together. Jade remembers Kit’s face of betrayal when Jade was first paired with Elora after Kit was too busy with Sorsha’s meetings to join her. She waited like an idiot by the gate until Jade and Elora came back that afternoon. Wearing a scowl so fierce, she earned a reputation between the gate guards that day. She didn't bother telling her that Elora spent the whole time talking about Airk. 

Jade had laughed it off, giving Kit a bear hug that would calm her rapidly beating heart, as it usually does. But she couldn’t laugh it off this time, not when Kit so disrespectfully diminished all her accomplishments.

She tries not to think of their fight that night. It only makes her angry again.

Jade eyes their surroundings as they slowly make their way through. This isn’t a long route. Usually an hour and a bit out and an hour and a half back.

“So, you seemed to have fun yesterday.” Kit says, attempting at a conversation.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jade fires back, not looking at Kit.

“No reason. Just was my first time attending a party after a while. Didn’t seem like much.”

“It’s because you didn’t talk to anybody and left early.” Jade says, a little edge to her words.

“Yeah, well, it was boring without you.”

Jade only sighs loudly. Hoping Kit would get the message and stop talking to her, which is weird because Jade never wants Kit to not talk to her.

“Drinks were good, though.”

I guess not.

“Boorman was pissed by the time I left,” Kit starts again which only triggers Jade to look at Kit, who sounds like she was smiling. “Absolute goner—”

“Hey, I’m not really in the mood to talk.” Jade interrupts. “Let’s just get to the tower safely.”

Quiet.

Jade feels bad immediately. She sighs then says, quickly, “Maybe we can save it until we get there?” She makes a point to look at Kit.

Kit only nods once, a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes stretching her lips.

Jade wishes, for the first time, that she could forgive and forget.

Chapter Text

 The dirt road to the western lookout is wet from yesterday’s rain. The sounds of the horses’ hooves and Kit’s hums are the only sounds that fill the air. As they begin to trot forward, Jade’s trained ears hear them.

Then, Jade sees them.

A small group of infected. She calculates them as they’ve been trained to do.

“Seven Runners, two Clickers.” Kit whispers beside her. “We can take ‘em.”

It’s the part of patrol that Kit hates. The killing. Both Jade and Kit were born into this world. Both had to make their first kill very early on, Jade as young as five years old. Kit was born in Tir Asleen, it’d been different for her, but there was a horde once, and Kit had to make the shot to protect her brother. No matter how much you try to convince yourself that they are no longer living breathing human beings, it always messes with you when you hear them scream and beg, Kit had said once.

Almost like they’re still in there. Trapped.

Jade’s mother has been bitten in front of her when she was a child, so she doesn’t share that same sentiment.

Jade’s family had been complicated. Her father was a leader of a group her mother joined when everything first started going to hell twenty-five years ago. He was an asshole, her father. Jade finally decided when she grew up. He had many children with many women, so Jade grew up around her step-siblings until her mother woke her up one day and told her that they were leaving. To this day, Jade doesn’t know the reason for certain. But she thought about it for long enough to finally conclude that her father wasn’t just some asshole who cheated on her mother. No, he was a tyrant.

And he rained terror on people who were only looking to survive.

He mother was always kind and soft spoken, a beautiful pleasant face that always meant that Jade was safe. Jade never liked her father. Jade and her mother lived in a room, Jade remembers. And each time he came over, the whole place felt cold and uncomfortable. Even when he brought treats and toys for Jade. She never played or ate any of them, even when he left.

She still remembers her mother’s scream. When she begged Jade to hide in the broken-down motel’s bathroom they found themselves in when they ran. She still remembers the Runner that killed her. Remembers the feeling of its skin, rubbery and dry, not human. Still remembers climbing on top of it as it attacked her mother. Still remembers holding it still and the feeling of jamming her shiv into its throat until it stopped moving.

Her mother shot herself that night.

But before that, before the light of her life left her, her mother held her. She held her and told her to be brave and to continue on for her. Told her to find nice people and to be smart. Jade kept looking at the bleeding bites on her mother’s shin, arm and neck.

“You’re smart, Jade. The smartest person I know.” Her mother says, fingers digging into Jade’s shaking shoulders. “You can find shelter, and safety. Fight to live. For me.”

Jade already knew how to shoot a pistol. Her mother having taught her even before escaping her father.  So, Jade knew what to do when her mother told her to take the gun after she’s finished with it and to run far from here.

It was the only one they had.

Jade was five years old and alone for two days. She hadn’t cried, but she hadn’t stopped shaking either.

It was only when a group found her, alone and cold, that she was able to let it out. She was so relieved, but it was like everything crashed at once.

It was a small group, and Jade was too distraught to really hide herself well. A woman named Anne had been kind to her, took her in, kept her safe. But the group wasn’t going to last. They eventually turned on each other, and Jade had to escape by herself when she lost track of Anne.

Then she met Ballentine. Ballentine who was chasing a rumor of a community that was led by a certain Sorsha Tanthalos, and old friend of his.

It took Jade two weeks of traveling with Ballentine to speak a word. One week after that to keep anything down without throwing it back up. Ballentine took her across the country, telling her all about the rumor. Jade didn’t bother thinking about anything, she just followed him like a ghost.

Ballentine didn’t seem bothered by it, even as he tried to coax words out of her every time there was quiet.

Her mother’s scream never leaves her, even now.

“I’ll put the silencer on,” she says, taking out her pistol. “I’ll take out the Clickers, and a few Runners before you take your shot with your sniper. No need to alert them all prematurely.” 

“Why didn’t you bring your bow?” Jade asks, trying not to sound like she’s chastising her.

“It’s back in my room,” Kit shrugs, “When they told me you were waiting for me at the armory, I came straight away.”

“I was not waiting for you.” Jade huffs, like a child. “I was scheduled to help Tom—”  

“Really? Now?”

“You’re right, let’s just get rid of these guys.”

The group are by the left side mountain range that protects this route, making it one of the safest and most dangerous routes at the same time. Anything could be up on those ranges, but Jade does not dwell on that.

When Kit moves up a little, quietly and slowly, Jade follows, her sniper at the ready. She hears their growling clearer now as they move closer. She looks at Kit once, and gives her a nod.

The silencer isn’t completely silent. Jade can hear it, but the shot doesn’t echo and reach the group. Kit targets the Clickers first, both fall to the ground with a last shriek. Jade still has her aim up, watching the group in case one of them spots them and decides to run up. She follows Kit’s aim as she takes them down one by one, until five are left. This time when Kit takes the shot, Jade, in her complete horror, hears the silencer break, and the shot rings across the field.

“Shit!”

“Get ready!”

Jade begins sniping as soon as the Runners turn their way.

Kit missed the shot.

As five Runner begin their attack, Jade makes each shot count.

“Mother fuckers—” Jade curses under her breath as she hears Kit begin taking more shots.

The thing with Runners is that they are fast, making it hard to get a shot to their heads as move. But Jade’s been doing this since she was five, she takes deep breaths and keeps her eyes on the sniper rifle’s scope. She reloads, and begins again.

She hears Kit breathing rapidly next to her. Three down and two to go.

“Fuck this.” Kit says, and grabs her shotgun from her back.

Just when the Runners are two meters away from them, she takes her shot. Jade takes out her machine gun at the same time and fires it at them both.

The last one falls with a shriek and a spaz, Kit and Jade towering over them both, panting and sweaty.

“Nice job, Sergeant.” Kit says, a teasing smile on her lips, but Jade sees the hesitation there.

Jade looks down at the mention of her future title. “Come on.”

“Jade—”

“The tower awaits.” Jade says, already moving away.

“I don’t know, Jade.” Kit says, staring at the ceiling of Jade’s room. “Sometimes I wish I could just leave.”

She says it so low, Kit thinks Jade doesn’t hear her. She’s mentioned this to Jade, and only to Jade, before. It’s not something that’s new. But it is something she can’t stop thinking about the older she gets.

“Where’d you go?” Jade asks, sitting at the edge of her own bed while Kit lays on her back, which is the first red flag, Kit thinks. She’s usually laying right beside her.

“We’d go everywhere.” Kit says, slapping a hand to Jade’s thighs with a grin.

Jade doesn’t reciprocate her smile, which is the second red flag waving right in front of Kit.

“I have news,” Jade says and her eyes are sparkling, but Kit can tell by her features that she’s a little bit nervous. Kit kind of gets lost in Jade for a second before she sits up from her bed. Her room, in the house she shares with Ballentine, has an outside door that Kit insisted Jade install once she turned 16. Kit has used that door almost every night for their end of the day debrief.

“Well, don’t make me beg. What is it?” Kit says, though her own nerves begin to buzz beneath her skin.

Jade sighs and looks down then. “I’ve been accepted to go to the Bastian outpost.”

Kit feels herself tilt her head, trying to understand.

“Up north. To train the soldiers there as a Sergeant.” 

Kit’s world is tipped sideways. She physically feels Jade’s words land in her head, sending a chill down her body and rest a heavy weight at the pit of her stomach.

Jade…leaving? The one bright spot in this wretched place, gone? “You—You can’t be serious…you’re leaving?!”

“Only for a few years—It’s a great—”

“Years?!” Kit’s breath hitches as she forces herself off the bed. She feels her tears begin to gather against her will.

“I can learn so much there! I’m going as a Sergeant, Kit.” Jade says, but Kit feels like she’s miles away. “You know Ballentine—"

“I don’t care about that!” Kit shrieks, like a child. She feels like her world just flipped upside down. Jade doesn’t understand, couldn’t understand how the walls will simply close in on her, crush her till she’s nothing but withered bones, without her here. Kit quietly adds, “You promised you’d always be here.”  

“Kit, listen—” Jade steps closer, and Kit takes one back, a hand up, not wanting Jade to touch her for the first time ever. She feels like she can’t breathe.

“No.” Kit says, unsure how her face got to wet so quickly, nausea and dread churning her guts. “No, I’m not going to listen. You’re fucking selfish, Jade.”  

“I’m—” Jade chuckles, and it’s so mean. “I’m going to push past that, just take a breather.”  

Kit lets out one tiny sob, she turns her back to Jade, before she mumbles, cruelly, “If you’re leaving, don’t bother coming back.”

And she’s lying.

Oh, she’s lying because she would run to her in every universe under all circumstances.

Tears overwhelm her then, hot and shameful. She hates this pitiful weakness Jade alone witnesses. She sees Jade’s eyes well with empathy, and it only feeds the storm that roared inside.

She stops crying, and wipes her face, “So what? You’ll go and train a bunch of soldiers? Huh? Think you’re a hero now?”

Jade’s eyes narrow, his lips thin in a way that Kit knows is anger. “I worked hard for this. I’ve done my work, I’ve never missed a day since I got here, I helped keep this place safe—”

Kit is still out for blood, she feels it in her boiling blood as she yells over her. “You’re just leaving me behind.” Kit spits out her last venom. “Putting titles and this stupid place above me. Again.”

“Hey, that’s not true and you know that.”

Kit knows Bastian. She’s heard about it in one of the meetings her mother makes her attend. She also knows that its six fucking hours away on horseback, the farthest and most dangerous outpost of Tir Asleen’s, and she wasn’t about to let Jade go get herself killed

“Admit you wanted to get rid of me the whole time!”

“This isn’t about you, Kit!”  

“Oh, fuck that—"

“I’m going there to train soldiers to protect his place, Kit. This isn’t some jaunt!”  

“It’s pathetic.”

“Shut up, Kit.”

“Make me!”

Jade runs to the front door. “Get out.”  

Kit looks between the door and Jade, then she shrugs once. “No.”

“Get out of my room!”

“I said no.”

Kit watches Jade shiver against the cold wind outside. “You’re a selfish brat, Kit. You only think about yourself and what you want. You can’t even be happy for me! We all have responsibilities now. Just because you don’t want to do yours doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.” Jade has never, ever looked at her like this. Kit feels the tears dampening her shirt. She’s shaking, and she holds Jade’s chair by the desk as she digests Jade’s words. “Now, get out of my room. I’m done with you.”

“Jade, wait, I’m—”

“Get out! Leave!”  

Somewhere deep down, she knows it was going to happen sooner or later. Jade would find someone better to hang with. Someone better to occupy her limited free time with.

At least Kit went out fighting.

Kit sets her jaw, looks down at her hand in shame, and walks past Jade into the cold night. She’s never cried so much in one night.

Kit feels like shit.

Like absolute shit.

She's completely tainted the title Jade worked so hard for. She can’t even say it anymore without a frown etched between Jade’s brows appearing.

They’re close to the tower now, Kit can see it looming in the distance. Kit has been trying, the whole ride here, so hard not to beg Jade to forgive her. She was clear, she doesn’t want to talk.

Kit sighs for the millionth time, honestly doing it to get Jade to talk to her.

She doesn’t. And if doesn’t tell Kit to ‘Stop moping and focus.’ that means she’s truly upset with her.

Looking at the tower in the distance, she begins to increase her pace. This tower is elevated and built on a small hill to provide a broad view of the landscape outside of Tir Asleen. Made of sturdy stone for it to stay so long after the outbreak. The base of it is covered with nature, wildflowers and weed overtaking the area. The walls of the tower are obviously weathered, worn by time and overtaken by nature through its nooks and crannies. A narrow path leads to a heavy wooden door. Jade slowly pushes it open with a key, the door creaks revealing a spiral staircase, Jade climbs to the top, Kit trailing right behind. The platform is exposed with windows all over. Obviously created to be used by the military or war pre-outbreak. It’s colder up here, Kit shivers in her jacket.

“I’ll sign us in.” Kit says, walking to the familiar desk.

She opens the book, holding the pen right beside it, and begins to sign her and Jade’s names below Boorman and Graydon’s names.

She writes ‘nerd’ next to Graydon’s name as she usually does when she finds his name signed right above hers on the same route. She chuckles to herself, and turns to face Jade.

Jade who’s scanning out the area out the window, eyes narrowed, and Kit sees it when Jade is satisfied by how she slowly loosens her shoulders. “Perimeter looks good,” She then begins to check the communication radio. “Battery is good,” She mumbles to herself, and Kit knows that Jade always has a mental list and has to verbalize checking them off. Kit should be doing something, but she is enraptured with watching Jade. She’s mumbling out the numbers that Kit recognizes is the Base’s frequency.  “Base, this is Claymore and Tanthalos reporting from first and last checkpoint on the western route. Here to establish contact, over.”

The radio emits noise of static and cracks, then after a moment, “Copy that, connection secured with first and final checkpoint on the western route, over.”

Jade looks up at Kit, and Kit realizes she’s smiling like an idiot. “Can you check the entry points?”

Kit clears her throat. “Uh, yeah, yeah for sure.”

While Jade checks communication, Kit moves to each entry point, making sure everything but the main door is secured. This tower has three entry points, so it doesn’t take Kit much time to be back by Jade’s side.  

“Well, communication is secured.”

“Yeah, area is secured too.” Kit says, putting her hands in her back pockets nervously.

“Great, you good to head out?” Jade asks, already grabbing her backpack.

“Uh, well,” Kit looks back to her own backpack leaning against the sign in desk. “I brought lunch. Maybe we should rest first?”

“You brought lunch?”

“Yes?” Kit says, bringing her shoulder up to her ear. “This might be our last patrol before you…you know. So, I thought—”

Kit swears she sees a hint of a something on Jade’s face, but she quickly looks down, averting her eyes again. “Uh, sure.”

“Great!” Kit turns quickly to retrieve the sandwiches from her bag. She hopes she didn’t squash them on the way here.

Okay, they’re a little squashed, but it’s okay. Jade won’t mind.

“I’m sorry, they’re a little squished.” She says, handing the less squished one to Jade.

“Kit, we eat snakes and squirrels when we can’t make it back to base on time.” Jade takes the sandwich with an eye roll, and a small smile. A small win for Kit. “I think my delicate senses will handle a flattened sandwich.”

“Shut up,” Kit chuckles, and looks away. “I wanted it to be nice.”

“It is nice. Thank you.” Jade’s voice, soft and sweet, makes Kit turn to face her. But Jade is already preoccupied opening the wrappers.

Kit moves to sit down on the floor, as they always do to rest, and builds the courage to really talk to Jade. This week has been absolute hell without her, and not just because of her overall calming presence, but because Kit has made a terrible, terrible realization about her best friend. A realization she absolutely cannot indulge in nor verbalize. It’s bad enough being in her head.

It started when she began dissecting why it felt like a part of her literal soul was being pulled from her when Jade announced that she was leaving. She knew she liked Jade and that she was sometimes too reliant on her company to keep sane. She just didn’t realize to what length. She always assumed Jade was going to be there, there was no reason to dig deep into why Kit sought the other girl out so much.

That realization that came after hours of crying has hit her like a punch to the gut.

Then an uppercut.

Then a lightning bolt straight to her nervous system.

She didn’t sleep that night, nor had any good sleep since, if she was being honest.

Now, Jade hesitates, then slowly makes her way down next to her. She turns to Kit. “Be honest with me, did you plan this?”

“Plan what?” Kit’s voice is too high, so easily detected.

Jade gives her a look.

“No?” Kit grasps at the edge of her lie being anywhere near believable. “Okay, maybe I talked to Scorpia.”

Maybe it was more of begged Scorpia, but Jade doesn’t need to know that.

Jade smiles, and takes a bite. “Who’s the poor soul that got stuck with helping Tom clean equipment?”

“Layla.” Kit says, feeling a little shameful. “She was feeling a little sick anyways so it’d been better for me if you came instead.” Then reluctantly she adds, “Especially since this might be our last time being paired together.”

Kit wants to talk about it. She wants to talk about it now.

Something that Kit struggles with Jade is how differently they express themselves. Kit speaks her mind, regardless of the topic. Her opinion is easily shared with the people she loves. And she can share a lot, once she’s comfortable.

Jade…is different in that regards. Sometimes Kit feels like she has to pry things from Jade with her bare hands. It makes her feel like she’s too much. Awful.

No, Jade is reserved with her feelings.

At first, her reservation hurt Kit. Kit, who has given herself completely to the other girl the moment she chose her, had expected the same from Jade. But that wasn’t how Jade operates. And as Kit grew up, and as she learned more about Jade, she learned to love Jade exactly how she is.

She seriously would not change her for a thing.

Except, to talk now. To smooth things over now.

Kit has spent a lot of time thinking about Jade, and she had simply only needed to look at Ballentine to understand why Jade was the way she was. Ballentine was a man of a few words. He’s a close friend of her mother, but she had only exchanged five words at a time with him. Still, Kit holds a dear place in her heart for Jade’s father figure. For one, he brought Jade to her. And two, she can absolutely see how much that man cares for Jade.

She feels a sort of kinship in that regards. 

Jade stops chewing and looks down, a sad frown forming on her lips.

“I’m sorry,” Kit finally says it. “About that night. I was an asshole and a selfish one at that. I said things I didn’t mean, truly. I’m so proud of you. So insanely proud. You have worked your ass off for this, and it wasn’t fair for me to diminish it just because I’d miss you a lot.”

Jade shakes her head slightly.

“Hey,” Kit puts a hand on Jade’s shoulder. Feels the tense muscles underneath. “I mean it. You’re going to be a great Sergeant.”

“Hey, it’s just a title, right?”

Kit’s mouth is stuck. She doesn’t exactly remember exactly what she’s said. She tends not to when she’s in a state. It happened when her father disappeared, Kit barely remembers the days that followed, except that it was pretty bad. She recalls Jade always being there, even though they’d just become friends.

She can truly say she survived that because of her.

She’s such an asshole.

“Jade,” She says it like a plea. “None of what I said was true. Everything I blurted out was out of pure selfish anger. It wasn’t anything that had to do with you. It had everything to do with me.” She swallows, hard, feels tears prickling the edge of her vision. “I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you. It was such a foreign concept to me.” Kit winces a little, any and every reminder of her father’s absence feels like ripping at a wound that would never close up. She shakes her head slightly, “But that doesn’t make anything I said true. It’s not just a title. How many Sergeant does Tir Asleen have? Thirteen? You get to be one out of thousands of people. Believe me when I tell you that that is a big deal. And you should be proud and you shouldn’t have to deal with a whiney baby who can’t be an adult about it.”

Jade snorts.

“I mean it. Please forgive me.”

Jade looks up then, warm eyes meeting hers. “I shouldn’t have sprung that on you like that. I should’ve told you I asked Ballentine to help me apply.”

Kit shakes her head, “I still shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

Jade, finally, moves closer. Their shoulders touch and Kit feels giddy with the excitement of having Jade back. “You’re forgiven, Kit. Of course, you’re forgiven.” She gives her shoulder a little push, one that Kit returns with a smile

They stay there, looking at each other for a first time in a week. “I really missed you.” Kit mumbles, her emotions spilling out of her easily.

“Me too,” Jade says, her voice low, and Kit could have sworn her eyes flicker down to her lips.

Kit doesn’t know what’s happening, but something changed, and Jade’s looking at her like she never did before. And Kit, the idiot, feels herself leaning forward. She had to physically bring herself out of it just in time for Jade to wrench her eyes to the door, and grab her pistol. Kit follows suit, though she doesn’t know what caused Jade to be on alert.

She really is going to be a great Sergeant.

It’s Airk.

Kit knows from the moment a sliver of his hair is within eyesight.

“Airk,” Jade lets out a sigh of relief.

“You scared us, idiot.”

He’s panting, and Kit could tell it’s not only from exertion.

“What is it?”

She feels Jade tense beside her. His eyes move from Kit to Jade. “It’s Mom and Ballentine. They didn’t show up to the second checkpoint.”   

Chapter Text

Jade’s heart sinks to her stomach. “What do you mean they didn’t show up?”

“They were sent out early this morning to check a few sightings up north. Scorpia asked Boorman and I to trade positions in the second outlook on the north west trail, but they never showed up.” Airk says, blue eyes darting between Jade and Kit. His eyes look so scared, Jade can’t help but replicate his worry.

“Okay,” Jade says, stuffing her barely eaten sandwich into her bag, and wastes no time swinging it on her back. “Okay, we’ll go to the first outlook, go in from all sides just in case. We’ll cover more ground that way. I’ll take it from the north, Kit you can take it from the west—”

“No, I’m not leaving you.” Kit says, and the way she says it makes it clear to Jade that she left no room for argument. Though, Jade feels her agitation growing.

“Boorman’s already taking the north side.” Airk says, looking between the two girls who have not stopped staring at each other. “You both can take the west and I’ll see if I can take it from the south or east.”

Jade finally nods. It’s as good as it’ll get.

“Be prepared for anything.” Jade says, Airk only nods.

Airk is capable. He’s good with a gun, and better with a knife. Jade doesn’t need to worry about the man she’s come to consider a dear friend, even family. When Airk lost everything, it was hard on everybody. Airk became a shell of a man he once was. Captivating any room he walked in it used to be as easy as breathing is to him, with charm and charisma that can only inherited from Madmartigan. It was unfair to say he lit up the room with his good intentions and wide smile, he did more than that. And seeing that diminished felt like grieving the person he was.

The Airk that stands before her now was made of stone. He only has time for work, throwing himself in it completely. Any other time he can be found in his room. Jade isn’t even sure what he does in there, but she’s found some dark drawings once.

Jade doesn’t ask Kit much about him. Knows his twin is suffering because of it. She sees it in the way Kit’s eyes linger on her brother, a tug down on the corner of her lips. Jade just hopes she becomes some sort of relief of Kit’s never-ending hurt.

“Hey,” Kit places a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “Be safe out there.”

He nods, “You too.”

And they were off in different directions

The first outlook is a large cabin that sometimes houses squatters that they have to kick out, or sometimes end up in a gun fight with that is too tragic for what they’re fighting for, Kit thinks.

It’s quiet, and Jade is laying low as she scans the area. No infected, but that doesn’t mean shit to her. Infected are the least of their worries. She hears Jade take a deep breath, like she forgot to breathe.

Kit feels her own stomach churning, worry eating at her senses. They have to be okay, they have to be.  

“Come on,” Jade whispers, and they move closer to the cabin, doing their best not to make a noise.

When Jade holds the handle to the door, her hand is shaking. She looks at Kit once, and Kit tries to be as reassuring as possible without holding her friend.

The inside is warmer, but without a fire or a generator to get this place running, it’s still freezing.

As soon as they enter, the air is thick with silent tension. Kit feels her heart in her throat as they move inside crouched. Each step Kit takes feels deliberate and counted for, like the world has slowed down significantly.

Like the world is warning her.

She hears muffled noises, voices she realizes a second later. Familiar, and not. She grips her knife, and watches as Jade tighten her hold on her pistol. Kit knows they were close as soon as the voices cleared when they approached a stairway that led to a closed room downstairs. Kit looks to Jade, mumbles “Are you ready?”

Jade nods, but then a shot rings in the air. They hear Ballentine scream.

“Ballentine?!” Kit hears Jade say through the fogginess in her brain.

“Jade!” Kit calls, but Jade is already running down stairs. Kit follows after, her brain screaming for her to block whatever it is she knows is coming for Jade as soon as she opens the door.

“Ballentine!” Jade yells, her voice gravely and hard, running towards something Kit couldn’t see. Before Kit could reach for her, she sees Jade being pushed.

“Jade!” She doesn’t recognize her own voice, then she was being pushed down.

She sees him then. On the ground, bleeding, his face half gone. His breathing labored, each rise and fall a struggle. She sees Jade screaming, trying to reach for him.

“Stop!” She hears Jade scream. “Ballentine, get up! Please get up!”

Kit sees the gunshot that took most of Ballentine’s right leg.  

Three people hold Jade down as she fights against them. And Kit wants to beg. Wants to tell Jade to stop. Wants to tell whoever these people are to please spare a piece of her soul. To not take Jade too.

“That’s enough!” She thinks she hears.

The ringing is too loud.

Engrained into Kit’s mind, she swears it would never leave. Someone is talking to her, but Jade’s screaming.

And this damn ringing.

Blood is seeping to her, like he’s trying to—

The ground cold against her cheek, and when she lets out a particularly loud scream, a shoe connects to her nose.

She spots her mom, lying out cold, before she’s sent to the mercy of darkness.

Jade feels her lungs burn. She’s been running for ten minutes, has lost Anne along the way, and the whole group were out of sight. She clutches her small leather bag, the pistol inside at the ready.

She keeps running, heart at her throat as she maneuvers between trees. It’s best she keeps unseen from the group. They weren’t too happy with Anne, and Jade is sure they’d shoot them if they saw them. The weight of her loneliness pressing down on her, making her panic.

Until she’s abruptly stopped. From the shadows she spots a figure appearing from behind a tree, and the first thing Jade notices is that he had a gun pointed at her, and the second is that she knows him.

“There you are.”

Fear claws at her insides, and she pulls out her gun. It’s Bruce. Jade watches his gloomy face that is set on a smirk that sends a chill down her spine. She never liked Bruce, or his daughter. They treated Jade like shit, and she was glad when Anne suggested they run just so she’d get away from them. It was on the verge of being so bad, Jade would have rather she be alone than to stay with the group, even if it meant leaving Anne behind.

“Now where’s that bitch Anne?” He says, his voice gruff. When Jade doesn’t answer, he takes a step forward. Instinctively, Jade takes one back. She didn’t know how he found her, but she could sense the danger emanating off of him. “Answer me!”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” He says, then he lunged, grabbing her arm and holding her in place. “You do know, and you will tell me.”

“Let me go!” She cries, trying to pull her arm back.

“Aw, we won’t hurt you.” He says, but Jade can hear the mocking in his tone. “Promise.”

Jade knows she shouldn’t scream, but her body is begging her to. Telling her if he could find her, then maybe Anne is around here somewhere. Jade knows that he wouldn’t stop, having chased her through the woods. She’s run until she couldn’t, until her legs were about to give out. Jade knows she has to kill him.

“It’s a bit sad, you know,” he says, and Jade can smell the stench of sweat. “She loved you, and you two were useful.”

Jade grates her teeth. She was the water girl. Filling everyone’s water skins and setting up camp every night.

She knows she shouldn’t scream, even in this dense forest, she has seen infected lurking about a few times, and she’d rather take down this creep without having to worry about having a piece of her flesh chomped on.

She knows that the infected can take a bite large enough to take out your whole neck.

“Plus, we can always ransom you for a hefty load of supplies.” He says, then he clicks his tongue. “Anyways, lots of uses for you yet.”

Jade’s anger runs like fire across her skin, and she knows she won’t be able to ignore him for much longer. Just as she was about to bite into his hands, a figure emerges from the shadows. She doesn’t recognize this one, and he approaches the two with an imposing presence. It’s an old man, his expression grim as he points his gun on Bruce. He’s broad-shouldered, and tall. Jade sees that he can take Bruce, easily. Jade wants him to. “Release her.” His voice is deep, commanding.

Bruce doesn’t. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Someone who doesn’t take kindly to preying on the weak.” He replies, his eyes flicker to Jade once. “Now, release her.”

“You heard about her too? You want her too?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sa—” Bruce only had time to raise his gun before Jade hears a gun go off, and blood splattered all over her back. Jade’s breath hitches, and she feels her eyes about to bulge out of their sockets. She feels Bruce’s hold on her lessen, then she hears the thump of his body as he slides to the ground.

Jade can’t breathe, she can’t move, she’s frozen, her eyes set on the stranger in front of her as he lowers his gun. Slowly, she turns to look behind her. Bruce is on the ground; half his face is blasted off. Jade looks back to the stranger. There’s silence between them, before the man breaks it, “It’s okay,” he says, his voice changing in tone, turning soft and low. “You’re safe. He’s gone.”

Jade knows that’s not true. She’s never been safe. That feeling didn’t exist, not in this world, not in her life.

She knows her body is trembling uncontrollably, making sure she keeps Bruce out of her line of sight as she attempts to bring oxygen back into her lungs.

“What’s your name?”

Jade’s eyes flicker between his weapon and his eyes. She hesitates, but then, “Jade.”

“Jade, I’m Ballentine.” He says, pointing to himself uselessly. “Are you alone? Is there anyone else with you?”

Jade’s throat tightens, and she wants to say yes, but she knows that’s not true. She has split from Anne, a while back, it’d be stupid to go look for her. She shakes her head.

The man—Ballentine—nods, “Alright,” he says, “that’s alright. That gunshot was awfully loud, we might need to get out of here before we get swarmed. You good to run?”

She stares at him, unsure if she should trust this stranger or not. Jade would like to think she could survive on her own, she could tell him to leave her alone and run as far away from everything and everyone. But Jade is not stupid, and she knows this man is her only chance of survival.

So Jade nods.

Jade wriggles, she wriggles until a hot, sharp pain pulls at her shoulder as three people hold her down. She watches Ballentine—her protector, her father figure— squirm in his own blood.

And a bitch holding a metal bat staring down at him.

Jade growls, “I’m going to fucking kill you! You’re going to die!”

The lady barely spares her a glance, her eyes transfixed on Ballentine’s squirming body.

An icy wave of rage runs through her, a pain she has never felt before, but she keeps her eyes on him, watches him choke on his own blood as he tries to speak.

The woman tightens her hold on the bat, she looks back to Jade for a second, and Jade take a second to memorize her features. It’s a brief moment before her expression hardens, and she takes a readying position. Jade knows if he takes one more hit, it’s over.

“DON’T! Please!” She yells, but not before she hears the clang of metal connect with sickening thud, and despite Jade being pressed to the ground, she feels the ground beneath her shift. “NO! Ballentine!”

The sound is sickening, she can hear it through her screams, reverberating through the room.

She watches his body jerk, then all at once, stop moving. Stop struggling. But she doesn’t stop screaming. She doesn’t stop crying. She doesn’t stop threatening those people because that’s all she has.

It is all she could do.

Her scream is guttural, inhuman and unrecognizable to her own ears. She collapses against the ground, as her body is racked with sobs.  

Her heart is shattered, the world around her moves as she stops struggling. She hears them speaking or arguing. It bleeds into insignificance as she watches the person who saved her in every way die. She doesn’t spare the people in the room a glance, she wants to beg them to take her. To kill her, too. But she can’t stop looking at Ballentine.

She can’t recognize him, and maybe this isn’t him at all.

Maybe Ballentine is back home, and this is somebody else.

Yes, that’s probably it.

The argument around her doesn’t stop, and before she knows it, something knocks her in the back of her head.

“—t, please, wake up!” Kit hears Airk’s voice before she can see him or understand what he’s saying. She hears herself groan. “Hey, hey, it’s me.”

Then the overwhelming smell of blood invade her senses. It jolts her awake.

Mom.

Jade.

Ballentine.

She turns her head slowly before cracking an eye open. She hears her mother whimpering.

“Oh God,” She hears, and she sees Boorman, holding her mother.

“She’s up,” Airk says.

Slowly she turns her head up, scared of what she might find. She’s making a noise, a whine that signifies the pain she feels physically and emotionally.

Her eyes go past Ballentine in a hurry. Fear clutching at her lungs. “Jade…” she mumbles.

“She’s okay,” Airk says, quickly, like he’d trying to reassure her. But nothing can reassure her right now, nothing but warm, amber eyes that are closed. A body that is not moving.

“Jade.” Kit calls out again, voice a bit louder.

Nothing.

She begins to crawls, using all her strength and might to get to Jade.

Once she’s close enough, she sees her body taking labored breaths and she sighs out once. “Jade?” Kit’s voice cracks.  

Her face. Her beautiful face is pale, freckles stark in the dark room, her skin is torn and bruised. She’s crying.

And she’s not waking up.

“Jade, please get up.” Kit says, and she’s crying, too. “Please, just open your eyes.”

Kit looks back at Ballentine, and she gags. Feeling her lunch and breakfast going back up. “Oh fuck,”

She hears a whimper coming from Jade.

Her heart breaks at the sight of her.

Jade tries lifting a shaking hand out towards the man.

Kit coughs and moves closer, “Hey, you’re okay. I’m so sorry, Jade, I’m so sorry.”

Jade’s eyes barely crack open, her eyes glued at the body behind Kit.

“Hey, don’t look. I’m sorry.” Kit says.

And Jade lets out another whimper, this one pained.

Kit didn’t know what to do. Ballentine, with his stiff and gruffy personality, was Jade’s protector, her father for so long. Had been the girl’s anchor many a times just as much as Kit has.

Jade flinches at her touch.

All Kit could do is whisper that she’s sorry.

Jade stares at the hospital wing, taking a deep breath. Trying to fill her lungs with as much oxygen as she can, but she hasn’t been able to ever since she woke up on that cabin’s goddamn floor—

CRUNCH

She flinches.

“Hey,” Kit’s soft voice enters her ears. Her hands a steading presence on her shoulders. She places a gentle kiss on her left shoulder. “I’m here. I’ll be right here. Just call out to me, yeah?”

Calling out to someone doesn’t bring them back.

She sighs and looks at Kit. Except she doesn’t really look at her. She hasn’t been able to focus on anything except that CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.

She nods in Kit’s general direction before opening the door. She feels Kit’s absence like a smack, but she pushes forward.

She didn’t ask Kit to come in here because she wanted to hear from Sorsha alone. Kit can be a little irrational when it comes to her mother, and she absolutely cannot have that here.

Sorsha looks bad. One side of her head wrapped, covered from the emergency procedure they had to do on her. Her arm’s broken, and there isn’t a spot on her that isn’t bruised.

“Jade,” she says, her usual strong voice is gone.

“How are you feeling?” Jade asks, her eyes roaming Tir Asleen’s leader’s body.

“Been better,” Sorsha says, a hint of a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “But I’ll survive. And so will you.”

The machines beep around the silence, Jade wanting to ask but scared to know.

Sorsha is the only other person in this world who feels the magnitude of her grief. She’d known Balle—She’d known him since they went to college together. She knows him to the bone just like Jade. Knows how much this pain burns.

“Jade, please sit down.” Sorsha says, her words, Jade realizes, are slurred.

She swallows and nods. Jade sits on the chair by the bed, rubbing at her wrists, bruised from being held down. She couldn’t even look at what her back looks like, just knows it’s bad by the hitch in Kit’s breath when she helped her change that first night back.

“I know—” Sorsha starts, then sighs. “I know what he meant to you.”

Jade bites down on her lower lips. Hard.

“I know that this hurts. And it’s not fair—”

“Yeah,” Jade cuts in, her anger cannot be simmered by words. “It’s not.”

Sorsha quiets for a second before she proceeds. “I know you, Jade.” Sorsha’s eyes follow Jade’s rubbing. “We need to be smart. Not just for your safety but for Tir Asleen’s too. Those people out there? They don’t deserve to die in a war.”

“You can’t stop me.” Jade whispers as she is shaking her head, raising both brows and avoiding Sorsha’s eyes.

“Jade, we don’t even know how many of them are out there.” Sorsha says, panting now, the effort of speaking wearing her down.

“So, what? they just get to get away with this?” Jade says, a little louder. It’s the loudest she’s been in days when she’s not screaming or crying. “You can’t pretend that this didn’t happen, Sorsha. He was my—” Jade takes a deep breath. “He was your friend!”

Jade knows she’s being unfair. But she doesn’t know how else she could be.

This whole thing is unfair.

Jade’s fingertips tingle with anger.

“I’m not saying that,” Sorsha says, just as fiercely. “But I am saying that going after them alone is not the way.”

“Then spare some people!”

“I cannot do that, I’m sorry.” Sorsha says, “Not right now.”

Jade only shakes her head slightly.

“Jade,” God, she’s so sick of her name. “They were tracking us for days. Maybe even weeks. Following our patrols. We need to be careful.”

Jade looks at her, bewildered. “You can’t stop me.” She repeats.

“He wouldn’t want you to do this.”

“I don’t care.” she says, “If it was me, he’d be halfway to the Immemorial City by now.”

She only stares at her, Jade not backing down. 

“We don’t even know that they’re in the Immemorial City for sure.” Sorsha says, grasping at strands.

“It was on their jackets. That’s what you said!”

“It could have been stolen jackets—”

“What are you doing, Sorsha?” Jade yells.

“I’m just saying,” she says. “You could be risking yourself, and let’s not kid ourselves, Kit’s life, for a lead that we do not know is true!”

She hears the door open, Kit mumbles, “What’s going on? Mom?”

“What about Bastian? you were going in a few weeks.” Sorsha says, “Please, Jade, let us handle it?”

“I’m going to the city.” Jade says with a finality, wiping her eyes. “I’m leaving in a couple of days.”

“Jade?” she hears Kit call her.

“And you can try to send a squad after me or whatever but I’m going anyways. You can’t talk me out of this.” Her voice is wobbling pathetically, she’s not necessarily crying but there are tears running down her face. She wipes her face as she turns to Kit, who looks like she’s been punched in the gut. “None of you can.”

“What did you say to her?” Jade can hear Kit ask behind her when she leaves.

Jade steps out of the house her and Ballentine were given when they finally, finally made it to Tir Asleen a week ago.

After traveling for a bit over a year with Ballentine talking nonstop about this place, it feels kind of surreal being here. She can’t help but feel a nagging feeling in the back of her head screaming at her ‘Now what?’

She isn’t used to settling down.

This is the first time she sets foot out of it without clinging to Ballentine’s back. Still not used to big crowds, she opted to try leaving at dawn.

Jade vowed to herself, and her mother, to be strong. And being too scared to go outside is not being strong, so Jade pushes.

Outside was quiet, Jade first thinks. Then it’s still dark. There are houses around, and usually from the comfort of the window of the room she’s staying in, people are always around too. On porches sipping on drinks, kids playing on the dirt road, people lugging materials about.

Are they not scared? or are they pretending to be strong like she is now?

Jade can’t get the outside outside out of her head. She knows she’s relatively safe from infected, but she can’t pretend they don’t exist like these people do.

Alertness is just another layer over and under her skin. Sitting on chairs and sipping hot drinks that Jade could spend hours imagining drinking, especially the one with chocolate—she got distracted—anyways, sitting on chairs and drinking hot drinks seems dangerous to Jade.

So, to do it now, when no one is out, and no distractions that way Jade can smell the infected before they even got near, now is when she is comfortable enough to do it.

The snow beneath her feet makes satisfying noises that she loves as she made her first steps, giving herself the luxury of looking down and smiling for a second.

Then, her eyes flicker up.

She needs to know her escape routes.

Following the normal path must lead to some sort of gate, so Jade takes a left turn and follows the path along that way, making as little noise as possible. Jade was 9, but she was getting taller, and she won’t be nimble soon. The thought scares and excites Jade.

Nimble means she can slip away easily.

Nimble means she can be handled like a doll.

Jade is strong, but she will be stronger when she’s older. No one can touch her then. 

“Who are you?” Jade jumps in her place and freezes. She looks up, a little girl is sitting on a tire that was strung up on a tree, and she’s lightly swinging it. Jade studies the girl, careful and watchful for any wrong twitch. Blue eyes look normal, brown hair left untied on her shoulders. When Jade doesn’t answer, the girl continues, “I’ve never seen you before.”

“I—” Jade contemplates what is too much to give away. She remembers her lessons. From her mom, Anne and Ballentine. Never give a stranger an advantage of knowing too much about you. When the girl jumps down from the tire, Jade readies her body for a fight.

“I’m Kit.” She says, she moves towards Jade, her shoulder length hair wild, but she quickly runs her fingers through it. It’s shiny and silky, so it obeys quickly. The girl, Kit, runs an appraising eye over Jade that she doesn’t like, so Jade crosses her arms and raises her chin a little. “Do you talk?”

“I talk!” Jade says, defensively.

“When people ask you a question, you answer them! It’s only polite.” Kit says, mirroring Jade’s stance.

“Not true.” Jade simply says.

“Yes, it is! Mom says so!” Kit say, a little too dramatically for Jade’s liking.

And maybe jealousy is what makes Jade say the next few words, “Your mom doesn’t know anything!”

“Your mom doesn’t know anything!”

Jade deflates, and the girl must notice because her angry features deflate with her. Jade merely shakes her head, telling herself to be tough. She brushes past her, not wanting to cry in front of a little girl.

“Wait!” she hears, but Jade just runs back home. Her heart leaping. That kid doesn’t know what she’s talking about! Jade’s mom was so smart, she knew everything!

Jade cries into her pillow until it’s appropriate to come out her room for breakfast.

“You’re quiet,” Ballentine says, sitting across the table, moving his eggs with his fork. “Well, quieter than usual.”

“You’re quiet, too.” Jade says, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.

“I’m a grumpy old man,” Ballentine says, with a shrug. “You’re nine. You shouldn’t be quiet.”

Jade copies him and shrugs.

“Jade?” Jade looks at him for the first time. “What’s up, kid?”

Jade contemplates showing weakness right now. She contemplates Ballentine himself, and how he can use whatever she says next against her, and when she comes up short, she blurts out, “I miss my mom.”

Ballentine looks at her for a minute, then he nods, “I miss mine, too.”

Jade frowns, then grunts, “You mean to tell me I will always miss her?”

Ballentine smiles at that, “I fear it doesn’t go away.” And Jade feels safe, the way Ballentine doesn’t make a big deal of her missing her mom. No ‘she’s looking down on you.’ ,‘she’s always with you.’, ‘It’s okay to cry.’ or worst ‘she’s in a better place.’

He just says it like it is, and after a year of traveling with him, Jade thinks that maybe Ballentine is safe.

“Maybe I can choose not to miss her.”

Ballentine shoves a piece of scrambled eggs into his mouth and asks, “Is that what you want?”

Jade thinks on it, “It might help with the pain.”

“It might. But I don’t think that’s how it works. Feelings can’t be chosen, and it’s okay to feel what you feel. Even if you’re angry about it.”

The knock on the front door makes Jade jump, she looks at the door like it personally offended her, then back to Ballentine. He points to the door with his chin and says, “Wanna get that?”

Jade swallows, then nods. As Jade approaches the door, she wishes the door had a peephole like the motel her and her mom stayed at. She opens the door. It won’t be an infected. It’s not possible.

The kid, Kit, from this morning stands on the other side of it, and Jade instinctively frowns, confused more than anything. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jade says back.

“I’m sorry,” Kit says, her eyes on the ground and she’s kicking at a loose rock by the door. Kit looks like she doesn’t want to apologize, but she’s doing it anyways. “I didn’t know that you don’t have a mom.”

“I do have a mom!” Jade says, “she’s just…dead.”

“Yes, you’re right. I’m sorry. That I said what I said and for her being dead.” Kit says in one breath, the word dead said like a whisper.

Jade shrugs, “Thank you. I’m sorry too.”

Kit smiles softly at that. “Do you want to come and play by the swing?”

“The swing?” Jade asks.

“Yeah,” Kit says, “you saw me swinging on it this morning.”

Jade hesitates, she looks back at Ballentine, not realizing that he’s been watching them. He gestures for her to go, and Jade hoped that he wouldn’t. Jade reluctantly nods.

“It’ll be fun, I promise.” Kit says, her energy levels doubling. “My dad built it for me two—no, three weeks ago for my birthday.”

“Happy birthday,” Jade says, her voice barely above a whisper, as she closes the door behind her, and with it her safety.

“Thanks. I’m eight.” Kit says, as she jumps from the porch to the ground. “How old are you?”

Jade looks around, at the people milling about. She’s okay. She’s fine. She’s going to the swing with Kit. It’s fine.

“Jade?” Hearing her name on Kit’s voice was weird. At her confused face, Kit supplies, “My mom told me that’s your name. It is Jade, right?”

“Yeah,” Jade says, not bothering to ask her who her mother is. Following Kit’s footsteps, Jade takes to jumping from the porch. That was kind of fun.

“How old are you, Jade?”

Jade keeps her eyes around her, her knife feeling heavy on her hip. “I’m nine.”

Kit deflates as they begin to walk. “Damn.”

Jade’s eyes flicker to Kit at that, “I’m about to be ten.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.” Jade says, with a smugness she didn’t know she had.

“Well, then you’ll be two years older.” Kit’s eyes are large, and she pouts as she says this. “Wouldn’t it be more fun if we were the same age? You can say you’re eight, too!”

“First of all, that’s not how that works,” Jade is reminded of Ballentine just now and her older sister then, she wishes she remembers her name. “Also, I don’t look eight.”

“Neither do I!” Kit says, just as they were reaching the tire swing thingy.

Jade, just to annoy Kit, looks her up and down with a quirked brow. “Riiiiight.” she drawls.

“Fine, whatever, I don’t even care.” Kit’s says, sitting on the tire and grasping the ropes holding it up.

Jade watches as Kit begins the motion slowly. Then she’s swinging, a laugh erupts out of her when she reaches high enough that Jade has to back away a bit as to not get hit. Kit begins to slow, her laughter slowing with her, until she is up again. “Come on, you gotta try!”

“Oh, I—”

“Come on, please? Just try it. It’s so much fun!”

“Kit?”

A little boy stands a few feet away, sandy hair and blue eyes. “Yeah?” Kit replies.

“You’re new. I’ve seen you with Ballentine before.” The boy is looking at her, instead. “You’re Jade, right?”

Jade nods, and Kit says, “Yes, she is.”

“I’m Airk.”

“He’s my twin brother.” Kit explains, but Jade can feel her getting agitated.

“Twins?” Jade asks, eyes flickering between the two. They didn’t look like twins.

“Yeah,” Kit says, her chin tilted upwards.

“Cool.”

“Can I use the swing?” Airk asks.

“No, Jade was about to.” Kit says, and Jade flinches when Kit places both hands on her shoulders. Jade has to actively tell herself not to shove her off.

“Can I push? then you can push me!” Airk says, walking closer.

“No! Airk! She’s my friend. You have a million! Please!” Kit says, and if Jade has anything to say about it, it’d be overdramatic. But Jade doesn’t, she sits on the tire while the twins figure out their quarrel. She runs her hands on the thing while Kit moves a little closer to her brother. Jade checks the rope, tugs a bit. Just because Kit swung without issues, doesn’t mean Jade would. Jade is bigger and taller. Once she feels somewhat okay with it, she relaxes into her seat, her attention back to the twins next to her.

“You’re so weird, Kit.”

“Shut up. Am not.” And Kit basically bares her teeth, despite the glassiness in her eyes.

Jade feels bad for the girl, so she says, “I want Kit to push. Sorry.”

Kit’s head about to roll off her body by the way she turned to her. “Really?” Her voice small, broken. Almost disbelieving.

Jade nods.

“Whatever,” Airk says. “You better be gone in five minutes. It’s my swing too!”

Kit is studying Jade when she turns back to the girl, a soft smile on her face. “Okay, just hold on tight.” Kit says, almost shyly.

Jade does, and when Kit starts moving her, she holds tighter.

Jade didn’t want to like it.

She really didn’t.

But when her stomach does a flip when she reached the highest point, wind blowing in her face and hair. She couldn’t help a little giggle, one that Kit returns back.

“See! Told you it was fun!” She hears from behind her. “You wanna try higher?”

“No!” Jade says quickly.

“Okay, scaredy cat!” Kit teases, and Jade twists to look at the little brat.

“I’m not! Have you ever killed an infected before? Bet you haven’t.” Jade says as she swings about.

“I did. It wasn’t scary at all!” Kit says, thought Jade can hear the waver in her voice.

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Jade says.

They stay quiet for a while before Jade jumps off when she was at the highest, an instinct that she wanted to act on. When she landed on her legs she turns around panting with a big smile.

Kit’s eyes were sparkling, her mouth hanging, then she shrieks. “I WANNA DO THAT.”

And so, they spend the rest of the morning playing. Jade thought that would be the end of it, but Kit has appeared by the front door every morning since, and Jade has learned to make a friend.

Kit’s eyes open just as she hears the sniffle. She turns, and her heart breaks for the thousandth time for Jade. She’s sitting on the edge of her bed, hands behind her to support, and her shoulders shake silently.

Kit had steered Jade to her own room when they came back. She has been staying with her ever since, both recovering from their injuries with the help of Scorpia and Airk. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, let Jade go back to the house she shared with Ballentine. Not so soon after. Offering her room was not even a question, and having Jade here where Kit could watch her was a small mercy in a dark situation.

Jade turns slightly in Kit’s general direction when she begins to shuffle forward. She looks back to the front and wipes her face.

Kit approaches quietly, knowing that words are not enough. Sitting slightly behind her, Kit places a hand on one shoulder, and her chin on the other. “Hey,”

A quiet “Hey.”

The hand on her other shoulder begins to rub. Kit knows Jade is not as physically affectionate as she is, Kit being the initiator of all of them, but she knows that Jade needs to know that she is there, physically and emotionally. Kit feels tight in her chest because of how badly she needs it.

“It’s okay to feel this way,” Kit continues.

Jade doesn’t respond, her eyes fixed on the ground below them.

But finally, with the smallest voice she’s ever heard from the other girl, Jade says, “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

Kit looks up at Jade, resting her cheek on her shoulder instead.

“I keep expecting him to walk through the door.” Jade shakes her head slightly. Kit nuzzles closer. Jade whispers, “It’s so stupid.”

“It’s not,” Kit says, slightly feeling angry at Jade on behalf of Jade. “You’re grieving. I felt exactly the same when my dad left. It’s…normal.”

Jade finally looks up at her, fresh tears to her eyes, and she looks so small Kit just wants to wrap her up in her arms. “I don’t know how to—”

Keep going? keep living?

Kit thinks she’s been given the mercy of her not continuing that sentence.

“You take it one day at a time.” Kit says, her other hand beginning to play with the curls at the nape of her neck. “You have to feel this pain, Jade. Dismissing it as stupid will only make it worse. Feel it, let it fuel you to keep going. He’d want you to keep going.”

Jade nods a few times too many, like she’s trying to convince herself.

“It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling,” Kit says, places a soft kiss to her freckled shoulder. “Just… don’t shut me out, okay? I’m here. We’ll get through it together.”

Jade turn to her then, takes a hand to her lips that sends a shiver down Kit’s spine, and looks up at her, “Kit…I—” Jade sighs and looks down at their clenched hands. “I’m sorry. For calling you a selfish brat and kicking you out. I was angry, but I can never be done with you.”

She gives a smile that is not a representation of how warm she feels inside, “You don’t have to be sorry, Jade. I was a selfish brat.”

Jade shakes her head, “No, you weren’t.” Jade gives her a rare smile these days. Kit gives her a look, “Okay, fine, maybe a little bit. But it’s because you care. Thank you, for caring. For being here.”

She looks at Jade like she’s crazy, “Where else would I possibly be?”

Jade’s eyes flicker to her lips, Kit swears, but then she looks back to the bed, “You should get some sleep,” Jade says, and before Kit protests, she adds, “I will, too. Promise.”

Kit doesn't know if she should believe her. 

Chapter Text

It’s still so strange, seeing his name on a rock.

They buried him weeks ago, and Jade lost count how many times she visited.

It was always at odd hours, at night when she couldn't sleep and had to drag Kit out with her because she doesn't trust herself to be here alone.

It's the first time she's been here out on broad daylight. His name on a rock looks so wrong.

It almost doesn’t feel real. She knows it happened. She was there. She cannot stop hearing the last hit over and over again.

Kit is behind her somewhere, she can feel her eyes burning into her back. She hasn’t left her side since they got here, Jade was even staying in Kit’s room, unable to pass by the house she shared with him. Each time Jade was alone, she would see him, so she’s really grateful for Kit right now.

She holds a shaking hand out, and runs her fingers on the letters of his name.

The grave is swarmed with flowers and gifts. He was well loved and respected, Jade should be happy about that.

All she feels is emptiness.

Like every time, whenever she begins to feel bitter, she gets up. He doesn’t deserve that feeling being around him.

Kit is leaning against the picket fence that surrounds the graveyard. Arm across her chest, nibbling anxiously on her fingernail. Jade gives her a small smile; one which Kit returns.

“I want to go get a few things of his,” Jade says.

“Okay,” Kit nods, though Jade can tell she wants to ask if it was a good idea.

“I just—” Jade says, then lets out a long breath. “You don’t have to come with me. I mean it, I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”

“Jade,” Kit’s hand caress Jade’s cheek. “Where you go, I go.”

Jade sniffles, and nods once. She has bruises and cuts all over her face, too. Kit engulfs her in a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around her. Jade sinks her whole weight into it, feeling like she’s been walking around with a boulder on her back. “Okay,” she whispers.

“Okay,” Kit parrots.

Jade looks at the ground as they walk to the house Jade grew up in for twelve years.

Jade blinks and she’s back in front of the house. Everything looks the same, like nothing changed at all. Like another day where Jade returns home, never using the side door, and he would be inside, reading a book or eating his dinner. Jade lingers by the door, Kit a step behind her. Her hands shake as she moves it to hold the handle.

“You can tell me what you need and I’ll go in and grab it for you if you want.” Kit says, her voice soft. Always so soft.

“No,” Jade shakes her head. “No, I want to do this.”

She pushes the handle and swings the door open.

The front door creaks open, and Jade watches the familiar, hauntingly empty place. Like maybe if she waits long enough, he would step out and say, ‘Hey kid, dinner’s been ready for five hours. Where have you been?’

Except, he won’t. He never will again.

She takes a deep breath and steps inside, the sound of the floor creaking painfully familiar. Her heart feels heavy as she takes the space in. The worn-down couch, the books by the coffee table that he was reading, the bookshelf that just keeps growing. She watches everything he left behind. Despite her heavy heart, a burst of fondness weighs it heavier. She can feel him still.

That’s good. She was afraid the place would be cold and empty, and it is, but it almost isn’t. It’s only missing him.

Moving deeper into the house, Jade looks into the kitchen sink. Clean, always clean, but she looks at the dishes that were left out to dry. She holds out his coffee mug with a stupid broccoli on it. She chuckles, which prompted the tear that was threatening to fall to stream down her cheeks.

How can these things, this house, exist without him? How can she?

She takes a deep breath, puts the mug down, and moves on further. Her bedroom door by the staircase is closed, and she decides that her room can wait. She knows Scorpia’s been here to grab a few things of Jade to bring to Kit’s house, but she still doesn’t want to go in. She moves up the stairs, looking at the pictures hung alongside the walls. Pictures of him and Sorsha, multiple of him and Jade of all ages, him with Kit’s entire family, the twins smiling with chocolate covered mouths.

“I’ll give you a minute.” Kit says, as she made her way to the dining table.

In his bedroom, the air was thicker. Colder. Emptier. The bed was not made, a testament to his last moments in this house as he was ushered out early dawn by Scorpia.

Jade doesn’t blame her sister. She tries, so hard, to snub that flame as soon as it begins to light. It’s crazy, irrational, to blame her. She was just doing her job, but Jade feels heavy around her still. She just needs time.

She needs to get out of Tir Asleen.

She opens his closet, takes in the sight of all his flannels, ones that she would always steal. She takes a jacket instead. Leather but easy to move in. She holds it to her nose and breathes his scent. A sob escapes, low and quiet, but that rumbles through her like lightning. She takes the jacket, and closes the closet. Moving on to his nightstand, Jade takes out his box where he keeps his pistol.

Jade has been having a sick, twisted fantasy of using it to kill that woman who killed him. Maybe then the pain would stop.

He deserves her dead.

The woman who killed him. Who stood over him and bashed his face in. Who looked at Jade afterwards, her face still so angry.

Jade would never forget that face.

She takes a deep breath.

Yes, that settles something in her.

She takes the pistol, and makes a promise to him.

Kit drums her fingers on the dining table in front of her while Jade is upstairs. Kit’s anxiety has been through the roof since they came back. She’s so worried for Jade. So, worried she feels sick with it. Seeing her on the ground, beat up and hurt beyond moving. Having to haul her up and ride back with her silently crying the whole way, leaning back against her fully like she cannot sit straight. It was the worst hours of her life. All Kit could do, still could do, is be there. Whisper reassurance that she knows fall on deaf ears but she cannot not do it anyway.

She stays up all night with Jade, even as she pretends to sleep following Jade’s insistence that she does.

Now, she waits for Jade here before they head out.

A knock on the door startles her.

Her mother stands at the end of it. Or rather, leans on a crutch.  Beside her, Commander Kase looks about ready to catch her should she fall.

Kit hates looking at her mother like this. She goes to visit her in the medical wing when Jade’s showering, but seeing her fragile body in a hospital bed is a reminder of how close Kit was to losing her mother. It makes her dig her fingernails into her flesh till she bleeds.

“Hey, mom.” Kit says, “You shouldn’t be up.”

“I know.” Sorsha walks in, Kit closes the door behind them once they are all in. “Where’s Jade?”

“She’s upstairs. Can’t this wait?” Kit says, slightly annoyed at her mother’s insensitivity through all this.

“Please, Kit.” Her mother, maybe for the first time in her life, begs Kit.

Kit sighs, wrapping an arm around herself. “Hey, Jade! Can you come down here for a sec?”

She hears Jade’s steps upstairs as she makes her way down. As she comes into view, Kit takes notice of what’s in her hands. She’s holding a pistol—Ballentine’s, she’s sure—and his jacket. Kit looks away. “Mom’s here.”  

Jade’s steps slow until she stops at the end of the stairs, her beautiful eyes circular as she looks between Sorsha and Commander Kase. “Are you here to lock me up?”

“I’d prefer you stayed—”

“That’s not gonna happen—”

“I’d prefer you stayed, but like I said, I know you better.” Her mother says, firmly. A tone she heard only directed to her and Airk. Sometimes her dad, too, before he completely abandoned them. Jade and Sorsha look at each other for a while, something unspoken going on between them. Because she’s attuned to Jade’s every twitch, she sees it. A slight nod. Jade might be acknowledging something or thanking her mother, Kit can’t really tell. “I told them to get Shimmer out for you for when you leave and to let you pass without problems.” Her mother says, quickly, looking down at the table. “Tom should have your weapons ready.”

She looks so worn, and tired. Kit is so blinded by her animosity towards her mother she failed to see how much this whole thing has taken a toll on her, too.

Kit has accepted that she is a selfish being ever since she was a child. She is self-indulgent, and never shies away from the things she wants. And Kit accepted that she wants Jade, and would choose her every time.

Kit is selfish, and she look away from her mother. 

“Thank you, Sorsha.” Jade says, when she turns to Kit, she gives her a soft smile.

Kit would prefer if Jade stayed, too. Where she is safe and healing, but Kit knows Jade won’t. Just like Kit wouldn’t. It would be so easy to ask her mom to keep Jade inside Tir Asleen, knows her mom would happily oblige to keep one last piece of Ballentine here and safe.

Kit wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Not when Jade is barely keeping it together. She knows that Jade needs to do this, even if Kit doesn’t want her to.  

“Yeah.” She says, clipped.

“I—uh,” Kit prepares mentally to say this without sounding like she’s asking for permission. “I’m going, too.”

“Yes,” Sorsha replies.

“Mom, I said I’m going with Jade—”

“I heard you,” She says, closing her eyes. Kit can see the pain starting to submerge in her mother’s features. She’s been up too long.

“Oh.” Kit says, expecting a bigger fight. “Okay.”

Her eyes well, she looks up once to Jade then to Kit, then she’s moving out the house. But before she closes the door, she tells them, “Find Nelwyn. I have a friend there that’ll take you in for supplies restock and rest. It should take about three weeks’ worth of riding south.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

She nods curtly, before stepping out.

The house is eerily silent as Kit and Jade stand, looking anywhere but at each other.

“We should go.” Jade says, after a while.

“Got everything you need?”

“Yeah.”

Leaving the house is quicker than entering it.

“Jade, you up?” Kit calls from the kitchen, then quietly adds, “If I’d known you guys were coming, I wouldn’t have made breakfast.”

That’s another new thing that Kit is venturing into. Learning to cook for Jade as she recovers from her shoulder injury. Kit tries to make things look delicious and appetizing to help Jade keep something down, but to no avail. But Jade’s trying, and that’s all Kit can ask of her.

Today she tried a new recipe of eggs. She got a few ingredients from her mother, green onions, red onions, tomatoes and even cheese. She hopes Jade likes it.

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it,” Elora says, putting down the plastic container on the kitchen table. “How is she?”

Kit rests her hand on the kitchen counter and leans, she contemplates letting Elora in on Jade’s current psyche, but Elora is Jade’s close friend, so she sighs before says, “She’s not eating.”

Elora and Graydon nod, then look at each other. Elora’s face is shadowed when Graydon says, “Well, hopefully this’ll help. Elora’s baked goods are irresistible.”

Kit gives him a wan smile. She can’t deny that. Kit’s tried to see what Jade sees in Elora, why she keeps her close. Not as close as Kit, but still. Sure, Elora’s kind enough to bring her muffins but why would Jade need that if Kit’s already making breakfast. It just seems like a waste to her, or like Elora’s competing with Kit in some way.

Graydon is a mouse. A kind mouse, sure, but one none the less. He sticks to close patrols, and working construction or the wind turbines. Kit can almost respect him for knowing his limits lie within Tir Asleen’s walls. Kit knows of his old home and how it was raided, but she can’t deny how surprised she was to learn that he was the only surviving member of his family. Maybe he was braver when he was younger, maybe it was pure luck. He and Elora have been dating for a few years now, remembers how in love he was with Elora prior to confessing. It was sad to watch, but something in her tells her that she shouldn’t judge the poor man so harshly.

Kit tries to be pleasant, these are Jade’s friends after all.

She turns to the stairs when they hear Jade stepping down.

“Hey,” Kit says, and she doesn’t care that Elora and Graydon are here, watching her. “Elora and Graydon are here.”

Jade gives them a smile that dissolves too soon. Kit feels like she’s chasing them these days. “Hey guys,”

“Hey, beauty queen,” Elora says, grabbing the container again and opening it for Jade. “Catch.”

She throws a muffin.

Kit’s face contorts at Elora. It’s not like she dislikes the girl, it’s just they’re too different. Jade doesn’t have such qualms, enjoying the girl’s presence too much for Kit’s liking. But Kit has long stopped showing her weird possessiveness over Jade. There’s only so much she could say before she’s deemed psychotic.

“Thank, El.” Jade says, “Muffins.” She awkwardly lifts it to show the others.

In solidarity, Kit grabs one.

“We heard you’re leaving soon,” Elora says, pretending like she’s not watching Jade eat.

“Yeah,” Jade says, “Tomorrow morning.”

“You going with her?” Elora asks Kit, head gesturing to Jade.

Kit scoffs, “You know I am.”

Jade moves to stand next to Kit. It only eases her slightly, annoys her even more, like she is a dog and Jade is pulling her back from biting.

Elora looks at her for a while, “Good,”

It’s only for Jade’s sake that Kit doesn’t rip into her right then and there.

There’s a silence, Kit watches Jade fiddle with the muffin, breaking off pieces but never really eating it. Kit can tell Jade deosn’t want company, can tell by how she’s avoiding everyone’s eyes. “This is really good—”

“I think maybe it’s time for Jade to rest a bit,” Kit blurts out. “We have a lot to do before we leave early morning, so…”

The silence that followed is deafening. Kit knows that Jade is glaring at her, but she doesn’t care. Jade doesn’t owe anyone a conversation, not now. Elora and Graydon say their goodbyes, Elora holding both of Jade’s cheeks and whispering something to the other girl that makes her nod. Kit doesn’t ask Jade anything when they leave because Kit is a mature adult.

Jade throws the muffin on the counter and returns to the stairs, has one hand on the railing, and the other on her hip. “I don’t need you to coddle me, Kit.”

She says it so quietly, it sends a shiver down Kit’s spine. “I’m not—”

“You are,” Jade says, she looks up then, honeyed eyes rimmed red, she just realizes.

Kit sighs and looks down, her hand leaning on the kitchen counter, her skin extremely aware of the distance between them. “I’m just worried.”

“Don’t be,” Jade stands straight, does some motion that can be interpreted as her rolling her shoulders. “I’m fine.”

Jade begins rubbing her wrists, which only increases Kit’s inner turmoil. 

“You’re not eating—”

“That’s not—”

“It is true!” Kit insists, her voice rising despite herself. She doesn’t want to be yelling at Jade, she’s just frustrated. “You’re not eating and everything you do you’re throwing back out, so yeah, I worry!”

Jade looks at her, her expression stony and detached. Kit hates it when Jade shuts down, hates it worst when it’s directed at her.

“I don’t know what to do,” Kit feels her eyes well. She misses Jade with a terrible tightness in her chest, but she’s right there. “I don’t know how to—”  

“I don’t know what you want from me, Kit,” Jade interrupts. “You want to fix me? Is that it?”

“That’s not what I—”

“Well, that’s how it seems to me.” Jade says, so coldly Kit has to blink a few times to make sure that this is really Jade. “I’m sorry that I’m not such a joy to be around any—”

“Stop interrupting me!” Kit childishly says. “That’s not what I meant at all!”

Jade’s jaw tenses, and Kit knows her like she knows the palm of her hand. Jade’s angry, and she’s holding herself back.

“Jade, all I care about is you. I care about you way more than I care about anyone or anything else.” Kit says, her voice wobbling, tear string to her eyes. “Please, I asked you not to push me away.”

“I just—” Jade sighs. “I need a minute alone, if you don’t mind.” She’s looking away, and she is breaking Kit’s heart for the millionth time. Then she hesitates for a second before saying, “I have to go find Scorpia. I need to say goodbye.”

Kit does mind. She wants to scream and yell and hang onto Jade’s leg until she allows her to stay.

Like a child.

Kit neutralizes her expression and closes her mouth. Swallows, then blinks once. “I made breakfast—”  

“Thank you,” Jade says, glancing at the spread. “I’ll be back to enjoy it. Promise.”  

She gives Jade one look before nodding. Not trusting that a sob won’t escape out of her should she try another word.

Jade leaves in silence.

Kit feels a headache throbbing, a side effect of almost breaking her nose. She gently puts her fingers on the bruised thing and feels the swelling go down. She’s grateful of the harrowing reminders of that day slowly fading from her and Jade’s faces. Jade’s shoulder is still stiff, but she says it’s feeling better.

Kit sighs. She really doesn’t believe her.

Kit knows her brother’s on patrol this morning, so she waits for him by the gate. A thing that she can’t seem to grow out of. It’s a little dangerous now, patrols almost tripling in size following the recent events.

Though Kit’s sure those people have long since left the parameters of Tir Asleen, their issues lying only with Ballentine for some reason since they let the rest of them live. It’s still better to be safe than sorry. They’ve lost too much already.

When the gate doors are being pulled open, Kit stands straight, having been leaning on a far enough building to inspect the gate for Airk’s return without looking like a fucking weirdo, something she did not care to think about when she did this when she was younger. She swaggers to Airk, offering him an easy smile to make sure her glumness doesn’t seep out. Airk returns her smile, “Hey, little sis. What are you doing here? Where’s Jade?”

“She’s gone to her sister’s.” Kit say, waving a hand around, then she can’t help but add because she needs reassurance, “She asked for…space.”

Airk’s smile wavers and he tilts his head, a question.

Kit waves him off, “Wanna come get a drink with me?”

“It’s 10 in the morning.”

“Coffee and tea constitute as a drink, asshole.”

Airk rolls his eyes but follows Kit to the communal building anyway. Not a place that the Tanthalos twins frequent, Kit because of the nature of who she is and Airk just stopped coming in the most recent years.

Kit needed to be around people, would lose her mind if she stayed in the house’s quiet following her argument with Jade.

She drinks coffee, though she wishes it was something stronger, she doesn’t want to further upset Jade when she wakes up tomorrow with a hangover.

“Asked for space, then?” Airk trails off, his finger on his drink’s lid.

Kit takes a sip.

“That’s unusual. You two are usually attached at the hip.”

“What do you want me to say, Airk? I fucked up.” Kit says, taking a sip to drown the lump in her throat.

“I’m sure you didn’t.”

“I care too much.”

“And I’m sure she appreciates it.” Airk says, “Look, I know you…care for Jade. But she had gone through so much shit, even before coming to Tir Asleen. She needs you to be there without completely suffocating her.” Kit feels defensive now, but she swallows her retort. “Listen, grief is…hard. It presses down on your chest until you cannot breathe anymore. It’s something that feels like it’ll never leave you, and I’m still figuring that out three years later.” He places a hand on her own. “Really, Kit, she just needs time.”

Kit needs the reassurance that Jade doesn’t completely despise her and her presence. Needs it like air in her lungs. Needs it like she can’t help the tears that spring to her eyes. “Airk, I’m so scared of losing her. I can’t—”  

“You won’t. Jade loves you, Kit. Everyone can see it.” He says it so casually, like he hasn’t completely done Kit’s heart in.

Why is this so hard?  

Kit, to protect herself and to squash any hope from rising, says “Jade doesn’t love me. Not like—”

She stops herself, covers her face with her hand, and sighs loudly. She can’t help but let out a sob. She feels Airk peel her hands away, then he says, “You’re in love with Jade.”

How did— “What?”

“You can stop running from this. I can see the toll it’s taking.”

“I’m not in love with Jade,” Kit says, a scoff escaping her lips. “She’s my…we’re friends!”

“Kit…” Airk gives her a look.

“What?”

Kit’s heart is absolutely hammering in her chest. Her best and worst kept secret is being read so loudly by her brother, and she didn’t even say anything. Fuck, can Jade tell? Is that why she asked for space? Fuck!

“I see the way you look at each other. I know you, Kit. I know you’ve been in love with that girl since we were kids—”

“Not since we were kids, I’ve only just realized it.”

Having grasped what she just said, her eyebrows rise, and Airk’s smile turns menacing. A mouse caught in a trap. “Took you a long enough.”

“Airk,” Kit whines.

“You may have realized it now, but I’ve known this to be fact since we were literally nine. I was just waiting for you to tell me.” Airk says.

Kit sighs, and looks down, feels a tear drop on her cheek. She can run away from everybody, but she can never run from Airk. “Fine. Yes.” She says, in the smallest voice ever.

When she looks up, the prick is smiling. “Finally, now all I need to do is get Jade to admit it, too.”

“Do not talk to Jade about this!” Kit points a finger.

“Sure, I won’t.” Airk sends a wink and Kit groans into her hands. “Go get your girl, Kit. You have her here. With you. Don’t let that go because you’re scared.”

Kit smiles to her brother, feeling for the first time that he is, in fact, older.

“Go! It’s been an hour, I’m sure you guys are having withdrawals.”

Scorpia brings a mug of hot chocolate that sends a smile to Jade’s face. She’s since outgrown the drink that fascinated her so as a child, but she knows whenever Scorpia makes one for her, it’s out of complete love rather than actually her wanting Jade to drink it.

Jade doesn’t think of the fact that Scopria is the one who sent them out that morning. She doesn’t.

“I’m not about to try to convince you to stay for the millionth time.” Scorpia says, her voice gravelly. She studies Jade’s face, watching her injuries fade as the days go on.

“Good,” Jade says, eyes on the milky drink in front of her. She smiles and says, “I don’t need to hear it for the millionth time, either.”

When Scorpia doesn’t return her smile, Jade says, “Scor, you know what he meant to me. I—I have to do this.”

Scorpia leans against her kitchen counter. Scorpia and Boorman’s house is a smaller one, similar to hers. It’s in a different residential area than her house or the Tanthalos house, a bit closer to the south side, but still a ten-minute walk that she knows by heart since she was ten and discovered she had a sister in Tir Asleen.

“That woman overpowered Ballentine,” Scorpia whispers, Jade flinches.

CRUNCH

“I can’t lose you, Jade.”

“You won’t.” Jade says, breathlessly, desperately trying to get rid of the sound from her mind. “I know how to survive out there, and I’ll have Kit watching my back.”

“Right, Kit, who hasn’t been outside Tir Asleen’s perimeter? That Kit?”

“She’s a good fighter, Scor.” Jade says, calmly, though she can feel Scorpia is growing stressed. “You’re just going to have to trust me. Wait—what happened to not trying to convince me? I’m here to have a pleasant conversation and say goodbye.”

Scorpia turns around the counter to Jade’s side to pull her in tight. “I know, I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Just please, be careful. Come back to me in one piece, yeah?”

“I will. Promise.” Jade mumbles against her sister’s shoulder.

Jade doesn’t know how long it’ll take her and Kit to get to the Immemorial City, just knows that it’ll take months. So, she holds her sister extra tight.

“How is she doing? Kit?” Scorpia says, as she rounds the counter to wash the pot she used to heat up the milk.

“Oh, she’s fine,” Jade says, dusting something invisible off the counter. “Her nose’s healing up well.”

“That’s good,” Scorpia says, over the running water. “How’s she feeling about leaving Tir Asleen?”

“I—don’t know,” Guess Jade’s been too in her head to ask of anything. “I didn’t ask.”

“I’m sure she’s excited. She’s got a spirit on her, that one.” Scorpia says, then turns around once she shuts the faucet. “Too much like her dad.”

Jade remembers a bit of Madmartigan, and she can’t say she doesn’t agree. Remembers the day he left, too. How it completely broke the Tanthalos household.

“She’ll be fine.” Jade says, trying to bury down her worry for her friend. “She’s smart and careful. Understands this isn’t a stroll or something.”

Scorpia only nods.

“I better go see her, actually.” Jade says, getting up. “I’ve been a complete ass to her this morning.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Scorpia says, eyeing the almost full cup of hot chocolate.

“Nah, I’m good.” Jade says, giving her sister one last hug. “Thanks for the drink. And for being the best sister.”

“I’ll miss you,” Scorpia says, running her hands through Jade’s hair. “My baby sister.”

“I’ll miss you, too.”

Jade feels like the world has stopped.

Even as she knows the clocks continue to tick, the sun sets, and a new day begins anew, she feels stuck. Replaying that moment over and over again.

That awful noise.

Jade tries to wipe that memory away, instead focusing on the last time she’s spoken to him.

Jade feels her sorrow all over again when she couldn’t remember.

What was the last thing she said to him? What was the last thing he said to her?

There are so many things she wants to say to him, so many things that are left unsaid.

She never even got to tell him about Kit.

Jade remembers the things that hurt.

She remembers his rare, belly-deep laughter, the overall steadiness of having him around, his care of remembering the smallest details about Jade. It should bring warmth to her chest, knowing how much he cared.

Instead, it all feels like a knife twisting in her heart.

A reminder that Jade no longer has a backbone.

Simply, Jade misses him. And remembers that missing people never really goes away.

It’s been different, starting her day with Kit & Airk around the table, instead of comfortable silence with him.

She rubs her hand on the chemical burn he insisted on to keep Jade safe from wandering eyes. Jade still remembers the taste of the cloth that she shoved in her mouth as the liquid was poured onto her skin, concealing what was underneath expertly. She also remembers him crying with her as she held her arm to her chest. ‘I’m sorry, kid.’ He kept repeating.

Jade sighs, her stomach twisting.

“Hey,” She didn’t hear Kit come in. She said she was going to say goodbye to a few people before leaving, asked if Jade wanted to join.

She hadn’t. She wants to be on their way to the Immemorial City.

Jade sheds her grief like a cloak to not worry Kit, “Hey,” She says, trying for a lighter tone. It fails miserably but she continues anyways. “Said your goodbyes?”

After she found Kit waiting for her anxiously by the porch yesterday, she’d apologized and they had breakfast together for the last time for a while. Jade managed to keep it down, knowing that she won’t be sitting around doing nothing for long. She’s leaving Tir Asleen, and the thought loosened her anxiety.

Kit nods, a small smile on her beautiful face.

“Last chance to back out,” Jade says it jokingly, but she was serious. So, to make that clear, she continues, “I’m serious, I know your mother needs—”

Kit closes the distance between them, like it would emphasize her words. “My mother is going to be fine. She has Airk and the whole council. I wasn’t just saying it, Jade. Where you go, I go.”

“Okay, I just—” Jade stammers, looking at the ground, overwhelmed with Kit’s complete devotion. “I just wanted to make sure.”

Kit nods, and Jade shrugs on his leather jacket. Kit smiles, “Looks good on you.”

Jade couldn’t help but pull the thing closer to her, it still smells like his stupid cologne, Jade feels a sob wanting to escape out of her. Jade can only return a smile.

Kit wears her jacket, it’s a dark blue jean jacket that compliments her eyes. Jade doesn’t say it, but she always loved when Kit wore it. She wears a dark red sweater and a scarf and mittens, all that can be discarded once they reach warmer weather. Jade is just grateful they don’t have to trudge through snow that she knows is coming.

They leave the Tanthalos house in eerie silence. Both not knowing what lies ahead of them. This is the first time Jade is leaving the community without the safety of the patrol routes since she’s arrived all those years ago. This is Kit’s first time out.

Kit is going to be fine. She’s skilled, and Jade won’t let anything happen to her.

Chapter Text

Stepping out the relative safety of Tir Asleen’s borders is as unsettling and exciting as Kit expected.

She keeps flexing her fingers, excitement and electricity running through her nerves. She glances around, there doesn’t seem to be any infected around, no distant moan or growl or the overall stench of one. Just Shimmer’s hooves hitting the muddy ground.

Kit insisted that Jade sits at front of her, despite the girl’s protests. As they move through this journey together, Jade’s shoulder healing completely comes first priority.

Kit grips her rifle tighter to her chest.

They agreed on going through the forest for the coverage of it, the western mountains ranges gleaming against the sun as they move south.

They moved through cracked pavement with abandoned cars sitting in their rust. The image of it almost haunting.

“You doing okay back there?” Kit hears Jade ask.

Jade’s been much less anxious since they left Tir Asleen, a bit of herself peeking through every now and then. Kit feels like she hasn’t really seen Jade since before their fight. Kit can’t help but smile into Jade’s curls at her question.

“As okay as I can be,” Kit replies, almost shyly. “What about you?”

Jade’s been mostly taking over night watch, but Kit insists on always waking up hours earlier than agreed to give Jade a chance to sleep at least a few hours before they hit the road again.

“I’m okay,” Jade says, a faux uplifting tone lacing her voice. “I, uh, don’t think I ever thanked you. For coming with me. I know you didn’t have to and you have your mom and Airk to worry about, and I didn’t really expect you to drop every—”

“Jade.”

Jade sighs, like she’s glad Kit brought her back from her rambling.

“It just means a lot, is all.” Jade murmurs.

“You know there isn’t a world where I wouldn’t have come, right? You know that? It’s very important to me that you know that.”

“No, no, I know,” Jade reassures Kit’s own little spiral. “I know, it’s just you deserve to hear how much I appreciate it.”

Kit’s grip on Jade’s front tightens, and Kit rests her head against Jade’s back. “Anytime, Jade.” She murmurs against the fabric.

“Did your mom say anything to you about Nelwyn?”

Kit wracks her brain for anything. Her and her mother’s relationship is complicated, made worse when her father disappeared or died or whatever and somehow her mother decided that Kit will fill in his shoes with everything.

It agitated Kit, made her hate her mother sometimes. A complex set of emotions existing all at once when a mother so clearly wishes she had a different daughter.

“Not really,” Kit says, sitting up straight again. “Just mentioned an old friend named Willow.”

Jade scans the area around them, the forest becoming less dense the more they move forward. “Hopefully he’ll lead us in the right direction.”

They have a general consensus of where it might be. Boorman has been outside Tir Asleen’s parameters the longest from all of them, knows the land the most. He’s given them a few helpful remarks on where to head, where the general area of the city is, but nothing else really. The city is a mystery, not much is known about it and it isn’t really marked on any maps because the city itself isn’t really called the Immemorial City. All they know that it used to be a city, and now it’s called that.

But it’s a place, and they’ll find it. Even if it took years. For Jade, she’d do it.

“He will.” Kit says, hopeful. Or trying to be.

“Ahhh, distract me.” Jade groans, shaking her head. “Now that it’s been three days, how are you feeling about the world beyond the walls?”

Kit sighs loudly, “Uh, it’s quiet?”

“Sometimes that’s a good thing. Makes you attuned to any noise that might come.” Jade says, with a smirk.

“You’re already attuned to any noise that might come,” Kit teases, “It’s like a super power or something.”

“Or something,” Jade shrugs.

“But I don’t know,” Kit continues. “I almost expected raiders and hunters to be at our throats the moment we stepped out.”

“Nah, I can count the amount of times I’ve seen hunters or raiders outside in one hand. I lost count how many I’ve seen them at Tir Asleen.” Jade says, and Kit feels the familiar pang of sadness and protectiveness over her friend who lived such a hard life before coming to Tir Asleen. “They don’t bother with stray groups, focus more on established communities.”

Kit only shrugs. She looks up at the grey sky and begins with another topic that has been jumping around in her head, “So,” Instinctively, she grips the front of Jade’s jacket, and hopes that her question doesn’t make Jade shut down. “Bastian is out of the question, then?”

There’s an expectant pause, and Kit can feel Jade wracking her brain.

“I don’t know,” Jade says, her voice not conveying any annoyance at Kit’s meddling. “I didn’t really think about it. It was just—” She takes a deep breath, like she forgot to breathe just thinking about this. Kit wants to hug her. “It was just something both of us wanted, and without him,” Kit can see Jade look down for a few seconds before she’s surveying again. “Well, what’s the point really?”

“Don’t say that,” Kit hugs her then, resting her head on her back. This regular intimacy has become Kit’s favorite thing. Knows Jade needs it more than Kit, even. “Jade, do it for you.”

Jade twists back with a light chuckle, “Who are you and what have you done with Kit?”

Kit lightly taps Jade’s shoulder, “I’m serious! He’d want you to do it for yourself, not just for him.”

When Jade sighs, it was shaky, “Yeah, but…what’s the point of doing it if he’s not going to witness it?”

“I’ll witness it, and Scorpia, and Boorman, Airk. Even mom would be proud. You have people who really care about you and it might not be the same but you’ll witness it, too.”

Jade’s quiet for a few seconds. “I know, I’m sorry,” She quietly mumbles. “I’m just—it’s hard not to think about him. Or, like I owe it to him.”

“I understand.”

Kit can hear Jade take a ragged breath.

“Being out here…it helps.” Jade says, finally. And Kit thought that was that, but surprisingly, Jade continues, “I keep thinking of after, of going back to Tir Asleen. How I’ll still have to go back to a place where he won’t be at.”

Kit stays quiet for a bit, then she shares her dream. “We don’t have to go back there, you know.”

Jade chuckles softly, “And where would we go?”

Kit shrugs, even though Jade can’t see her, “I’ve always wanted to live out here. I know it’s a little idealistic, maybe a little naive, but I always wanted to find a large land far away from people to run around in. We could grow our own food and have no responsibilities but take care of the place.”

“Hmm,” Jade hums, and Kit can picture a gorgeous smile. “that sounds nice.”

She pulls her closer, “Then it’s a deal.”

The cabin is cold. Colder than outside where the wind howls and the snow falls, burying the world in white. Jade is sitting in a wooden chair, feeling like a weight is pressed on her chest as she looks at a face so familiar yet is a stranger.

Brown shoulder length locks frame her pleasant face, and it’s wrong. Because she’s a monster, not a girl with a pleasant face.

She doesn’t have her metal bat, instead it’s propped up in a corner far from her vision. She can’t really see it, but she sees it. Almost feels it against her fingertips.

“Lili,” Jade sneers, the word setting her heart on fire.

“Hello, Jade.” Lili’s voice sounds like a melody, not real.

“Why did you do it?” Jade’s voice trembles, anger seeping into every word. The answer to the question that is plaguing her.

“I had to do something.”

Jade shakes her head, finding it hard to speak. The pain in her fist makes her look down at them, her nails digging into her skin and making her bleed. The floor beneath them is painted with it, crimson and angry, but they pay it no mind. Neither of them questions it, they understand it, and Jade isn’t afraid to show it.

Just for her. Just for Lili.

“Are you going to kill me?”

“Yes.”

 The bat is in her hand now, the metal of it cold and uninviting. Jade swears she sees blood on it, but then it’s gone, and Jade wants to it paint it red, too.

“He helped you,” Jade murmurs, her hand runs down the length of the bat. She thinks she knows this bat very well. “When you were alone out there. He helped get you to safety.”

Lili’s eyes follow Jade’s hands, and shrugs. “Do what you have to. Just like I did. It won’t make you a bad person, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jade scoffs. “I don’t care if it makes me the worst person alive. You’re gonna die, Lili.”

“Yet, you hesitate.” Lili tilts her head, bangs falling across brown eyes. “Could it be for him?”

“Shut up.”

“He wouldn’t want you to do this.” Lili says.

“I said shut the fuck up,”

The bat against skull doesn’t feel as bad as she thought it would. In fact, Jade thinks she likes it. Likes the feeling of her enemy ceasing to exist because of her. Like the idea of control, when everything feels so out of it. Like to hear her scream, so loud and like it was ripping her throat off.

Just like—

Jade shoots up, and hears her scream dying. Kit is beside her in seconds, and Jade puts a hand on her own mouth to quiet herself. “Hey, hey, you’re okay. Look at me. Look at me. You’re okay.”

Jade nods vigorously, and places a hand on her thumping heart. She takes a deep breath, smelling the grass and mud around, using Shimmer’s hooves scratching the dirt to ground herself. She mumbles an apology to Kit for scaring her. Jade pulls her knees up and rests her forearms on them, her head hanging low. Needing a minute to catch her breath.

She’s here. With Kit.

“Oh, I feel sick.” Jade speaks without thinking, feeling the contents of her stomach threatening to go back up.

When her breath evens out, she looks up at Kit, who hasn’t moved from her side. Jade can see that she’s fighting so hard to keep her expression neutral, but the creases between her brows expose her anyway.

“Don’t let me fall asleep,” Jade tries for a smile.

Kit scoffs, moving back a bit. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Jade only rests her knees back down and crosses her legs.

“You wanna talk about it?”

For a minute, there was only the sound of the fire Kit probably kept lit throughout the night. Then, Jade decides to be brave. “I saw that woman,” Jade says, eyes still on the dancing embers. “Lili.”

It’s the first time she’s said her name out loud, and it feels like poison dripping from her tongue. Kit moves closer and Jade feels her arm wrapping around her back. Jade lets herself lean into it.

She doesn’t care. She needs it. She needs her.

“It was so…odd, seeing her. We were back in that place, oh God—” She rubs roughly at her eyes, feeling them sting.

“Hey,” Kit says softly, peeling her hands from her face.

“And I don’t care if it was my subconscious telling me I shouldn’t do this or whatever,” Jade utters, turning her head in Kit direction but not looking at her. She’s focusing on a tree behind her that looks like it has a gaping hole in the middle of it. Jade wants it to swallow her whole. “I don’t care. I have to do it.”

Kit nods, once.

Jade looks at her then, looking at the glow the fire has on her soft hair. Jade hesitates, “Does—” She suddenly feels like she doesn’t want to talk about it. The emotion of it too much. “Never mind.”

“No,” Kit firmly says. “what is it?”

“It’s stupid,” Jade murmurs to herself, shaking her head. “Really, never mind.”

“No, it’s not.” Kit says, quickly, scooting closer. “If it’s bothering you, then it’s not.”

“Does that change anything for you?” Jade asks, tentatively. The dark making it easier to be vulnerable. “If I do it even if it’s wrong.”

Jade knows what she’s asking, hopes that Kit knows too. She just wants to know the consequences of who else she’ll lose when she finishes this. Thinks she can take it if she knows early on.

Kit looks up, blue eyes shining against the fire. Jade can count the freckles on her nose, red from the cold. She finds herself fighting the urge to warm it up with her sleeve.

Jade has known she’s in love with Kit since the moment Kit chose her. Despite it feeling good to be chosen, Jade also loves everything about Kit. Kit, who has never once put on a mask like Jade sometimes feels like she has to. Kit, who wears her heart on her sleeve for the people she loves. Jade thinks, with all her heart believes, that someone who isn’t afraid to be vulnerable is someone easy to love, despite what Kit might think. Jade often wondered why she found her soul always tethered to the other girl. And when she looks at how Kit goes about life, fearless and head-on in everything she does, she finds her answer quickly. She finds herself inspired.  

Kit is inevitable. It was always bound to happen, Jade thinks as she studies the other girl’s face that she knows so well, but finds herself admiring under this lighting.

Jade thinks that her feelings will be safe with Kit. That should she decide to share them, Kit would reciprocate and keep them safe.

She looks down at her, and Jade realizes just how close they are.

She leans back a bit, and clears her throat. “It’s okay if it does,” She continues, instead of leaning closer like her body is begging her to. “I understand.”

Kit’s eyes flicker between her own, and Jade can see a thousand emotions in them. “I don’t think there are things that’ll change anything.”

And God, her voice carries just as much emotions as her eyes, which has now grown dilated, completely obscuring the blue.

Jade hears her intake of breath, hears her own too, as she realizes they’ve moved closer anyway. Kit’s breaths are faster, and Jade knows she’s leaning forward too.

“Jade…” Kit whispers, eyes on her lips, cheeks blushing a pretty scarlet. “I—”

“Shit, I’m sorry, Kit!” Jade’s panicked voice startles the girl in front of her.

“What? Jade, no—"

“I’m sorry, I think it’s my time to take watch,” Jade blurts out, feeling her heart beat rapidly.

She curses herself when she sees Kit flinch, sees her face fall and her shutting her mouth. She nods absentmindedly, a hand runs through her beautiful hair, then mutters, “Okay.”

Jade gets up on her feet, taking a deep breath of cold air to calm herself, and looks down at a frozen Kit. When she clears her throat, Kit is out of her trance and is shuffling to get into the sleeping bag. Jade doesn’t turn until she’s fully in, “Good night.”

Kit doesn’t respond, Jade pretends she doesn’t hear her sniffles.

“Why do you always have a knife?” Kit asks.

It has been a curiosity of hers ever since she first met Jade. The girl always had it on her right hip, and Kit worried that the girl didn’t feel comfortable enough here yet. That she’d want to go and not be Kit’s friend anymore.

Jade looks down at her knife, “Ballentine gave me this knife,” Jade says, like it answers the question.

“It’s a cool knife.”

“Thanks,” Jade says, then Kit can tell she’s thinking about continuing this conversation or not. They’ve been friends for two months now, and Kit has tried to memorize the girl’s expressions since Jade says so little. “It’s—It makes me feel safe.”

“You are safe, you know.” Kit says, trying for nonchalance.

“Right.” Jade says, though Kit can tell she doesn’t necessarily agree with her.

“You told me your birthday’s soon, remember?” Kit says, swinging her legs. They’re sitting at Ballentine and Jade’s porch, after playing soccer for most of the day, they were too tired and too sweaty to go inside. She watched Jade watching people, her eyes darting on each face. Her eyes linger on their neighbors, Kit knows their kid’s name is Abby, and that Abby is a mean bitch. But Jade is still watching them sipping on their drinks and laughing.

“What are you looking at?”

“Have you ever tried that?”

Kit looked in the general direction Jade pointed at, feeling her face twist in confusion. “Tried what?”

Jade still staring at them says, “The—the drinks.”

Kit pulls up her knitted cap to better look at Jade, “You mean hot chocolate?”

Jade nods.

“Of course, wait— you’ve been here two months and you still haven’t had it?” Kit basically shrieks.

“Where would I have tried it?” Jade says, a little annoyed.

Not wanting Jade to be annoyed at her, she stood up. “Come on,” she holds out a mittened hand.

Jade looks at it then back at Kit, “Where we going?”

“Come on!” Kit basically jumps up and down until Jade holds her hand and she’s pulling her behind her.

Kit ignores the complaints behind her because Jade’s still coming with her. She takes the route she’s been taking every morning for the last two months back home. When it comes to view, Jade stops in her tracks.

Kit looks back, Jade is looking up at the house like it’s a live monster. “Kit, I don’t think I should go in.”

“No, Jade, please?” Kit says immediately, heart in her throat, getting closer to the girl, hands still interlocked. “It’ll be the best drink you’ve ever had.”

“But—”

“No one’s here. My parents are working, and Airk is always out, please?”

Jade looks between her and her house a few times before she nods. Kit Jumps once, her stomach doing flips. She’s so excited to give this experience to Jade. She opens the door, the familiar foyer embraces them in a warmth Kit is sure they both needed, especially after sweating so much.

They both need a bath.

Kit lets go of Jade’s hand to close the door behind her. Kit has a smile plastered across her face, and she’s watching Jade take in the house. Jade’s eyes wander to the living room, the stairs in front of them and the kitchen on the left. The open space layout making it easier for her to look around in her spot. Jade looks back at Kit like she’s waiting for instructions.

Jade, outside of here, is a leader by nature. Kit has seen her with other kids, and in her safety training. Watching the other girl made Kit not hate safety training at all. She won’t admit this to Airk—but she started to actually look forward to it.

But here? Jade looks lost. Kit jumps on her toes and runs to the kitchen, “Come on!”

Jade sighs dramatically but Kit hears her follow anyways. By the time Jade makes it to the Kitchen, Kit already pulled two small stools she and Airk use when they make desserts with their dad. Kit pushes hers to the cabinets and starts grabbing the cocoa powder, the sugar, the fresh milk Kit knows was brought it yesterday from the farm Tir Asleen has on the edge of the walls. She shoves the cocoa powder and sugar into Jade’s hands, startling the girl and Kit giggles, excitement churning in her belly.

She shoves the stool against the counter with her foot and hops on. When everything is set right on the counter, Kit looks at Jade with a frown. “Get on the stool, Jade.”

Jade looks down at the thing then looks up at Kit. Kit notices the swirls of brown and green in her eyes then and thinks of how pretty the colors are against the light. “Why? I don’t need it.”

Kit groans, and almost feels her heart sink. Something like her pride being bruised has her frown deepening. “Just step on it, please!”

Jade rolls her eyes and steps on it. Having her on the same level settles something in Kit, and she begins to pour the milk, explaining each step to the other girl so she might learn how to make it herself, if she wants. Or if she wants, Kit can make it for her for the rest of their lives.

“So, you have a sister.” Kit says, casually, like it wasn’t eating her alive to know every detail.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jade says.

Kit knows Jade was called in by her mother and Ballentine one day last week, and they’ve been in her mom’s office for hours. It felt like it would not end for Kit. Her skin itching to go wait for Jade outside the office, but Kit was good and stayed home. When her mom came back that day and told her everything, Kit jumped to run to Jade’s house, but Ballentine turned her away gently, walking her home himself and explained on the way that Jade wasn’t feeling well and needed a bit of time to process everything. Kit pouted and sulked. She didn’t understand why Jade needed time to process it. It seemed pretty straightforward and if anything, Kit could help her process whatever she needed to process. If Jade was sad, Kit knows that she can make her feel better. Kit always hated being alone when she’s sad.

“Is she mean to you?” Kit asks, because Airk is mean sometimes. “You can tell me if she’s mean. I’ll fight her.”

That makes Jade chuckle, and Kit’s proud to hear it. “No, she’s nice. Thanks.”

“Good,” Kit says, letting Jade pour the milk in the pot. She’s a bit careful, adding a splash too little of milk. It needs to be the perfect amount of both so the cup is perfect for Jade’s first time. “Add a bit more.” Peeking into the pot. “She looks like you.” Kit says, watching Jade pour a bit more milk.

“It’s the red hair,” Jade says, looking at the milk she’s pouring then she sets the jug down. “We have different mothers.”

Jade is looking everywhere but at Kit. “So? You’re still sisters, Jade.”

Jade just shrugs. She wants to pry so bad, but she remembers her mother’s words. To not ask so many questions, especially when it comes to people and why they are the way that they are. So, Kit observes Jade for answers to any questions she might have regarding her best friend.

“Since she’s nice, she can come play with us sometimes.” Kit says, trying to find answers to her questions.

“She doesn’t want to play with us, she’s 20.” Jade says, as Kit puts the pot on the stove.

She turns to Jade as she adjusts the heat to low. “She’s really older than you.”

“Yeah.” Jade says, chewing on her lips.

Kit can tell Jade wants to say more. Instead, she says, “Keep it on low but keep stirring. Dad says it helps avoid clumps. Dunno what that is exactly, but best to avoid it.”

Jade looks at her for the first time in a while and nods.

Once the milk seems warm enough, Kit pours the cocoa and sugar in equal measures onto two separate cups. Then, pours the milk into the cups slowly, instructing Jade to mix it while she does so.

“Okay,” Kit says, an excited smile hurting her face. “Okay, it should be perfect to drink.”

Jade grabs the handle of the closest cup to her, and Kit does the same while watching the other girl intently.

She really wants Jade to love it.

Jade slowly takes the cup to her lips, Kit does the same, and when she finally begins to drink, Kit doesn’t taste her own drink. Too focused on studying Jade’s face to see if she liked it.  Jade swallows, licks her lips, takes another drink, then looks up at Kit with the biggest smile. “I love it.”

“YES!” Kit almost drops her drink as she tackles the other girl.

“Kit, wait, you made me spill a bit.” Jade says, a worried frown on her face.

Kit still has her arms around the other girl as she looks down at the counter. A bit of milk has spilled over. “It’s okay. We’ll clean it.” The flown doesn’t leave Jade face until Kit says, while grinning, “Now you have to come over every day to drink hot chocolate with me.”

Jade only laughs, anxiety dispelled momentarily.

They don’t talk about it the next morning, nor the next week, nor the week after.

There have been moments where Kit is overwhelmed with emotion towards Jade, where she can swear she sees it reflected back, where she can’t physically pull herself away.

She’s so scared of it, scared that someday, it’ll spill. Because Kit spills, she never chooses to hold herself back. Except for, apparently, her love for Jade. She sometimes wishes it doesn’t exist. Because although she couldn’t not love Jade, couldn’t possibly love anyone else, and that love helps her keep going, ultimately and plainly, it hurts.

They pretend they didn’t almost kiss like they always did, and Kit feels like her heart’s being ripped from her chest, like she always did.

“It should be within the mile.” Jade’s voice startles her out of her thoughts. Her map is spread out, and they’re giving Shimmer a mid-day rest as they always did. And Kit’s thoughts drifted to that night and to Jade in general. Kit’s running a hand through Shimmer’s hair, putting all her emotions into the movement.

“Good,” Kit says flatly.

Jade turns to her, forehead creased in question. But she sees Jade neutralize her face and not ask.

She knows. Jade has to know. The way she’s actively ignoring Kit’s overall broodiness is telling enough. And Kit feels a bitterness grow at how Jade’s dismissive of it.

Kit wants to scream.

They walk in silence, Kit’s fingernails digging into her skin, her other hand tugging Shimmer along, until she’s stopped by Jade when they reach a clearing. “It’s supposed to be here,” Jade says, looking around with a crease on her forehead. “Or…did I miscalculate?”

She’s frantically looking at her map. Kit didn’t have a good look at it, really, just relied on Jade to guide them. She glances down at where she can see a mixture of Jade and Boorman’s writing. They spent hours mulling over the thing at the Tanthalos kitchen table, obsessively so. Kit sees Jade’s fingers crumbling the paper, and her breaths quicken a bit.

Kit places a hand on her arm. “We’ll find it.”

Just as she says that, an arrow flies to the ground next to their feet, causing them to flinch back and grab their weapons.

Jade shushes a startled Shimmer, tries to soothe with her voice. 

“Drop your weapons,” They hear a voice ring out. “That’s far enough!”

Kit looks around, trying to find the source of the voice. Up on a tree, really high up, a woman is crouched with a bow and arrow.

Kit reaches for her bow and arrow, but is stopped by Jade. She looks at her and gestures for her to wait.

“We’re looking for Nelwyn!” Jade says, both hands raised.

“Don’t know what that is.” The woman says, bow still pulled taut.

“I’m Kit. Tanthalos. I’m Sorsha’s daughter.” Kit says, carefully. “We’re looking for the leader Willow.”

“Don’t know who that is,” The woman says, casually. “You better be on your way now.”

“Please?” Jade takes a step forward, and hearing her beg is so out of character, Kit has to look back at her. “We need to speak to him. It’s important.”

“I said—”

“Stand down, Mims.”  They hear a voice ring out. And seemingly out of nowhere, a short man appears. He’s leaning on a stick, blue eyes shifting between the newcomers. He looks up at the archer and holds a hand out. “Kit Tanthalos.”

Kit looks at Jade in confusion. “You know me?”

“I know your parents,” The man says, squinting his eyes at Kit now. “You look just like your father.”

Kit ignores the pain that causes in her chest, ignores the way it feels like she was shot by a bullet right in her chest. She swallows, and ignores the need to scream. “You’re Willow?” Her voice’s pathetic, but at least it’s out.

She feels Jade’s warm hand on her biceps, and she lets a deep breath out.

“That is indeed me.” He says, gesturing to himself. “Though I’d love to continue this conversation, maybe we should head inside? We’ll talk where it’s safe.”

Kit and Jade look at each other, eventually Jade gives Kit a small nod. They follow Willow to god knows where, but they need him, so they don’t ask questions.

“We have an entrance on the other edge of the mountain where we can keep your horse. Mims will take the beauty.” Willow says, looking at Shimmer. 

Kit tugs the leash a bit closer to herself and looks at Mims, landing with a thud next to them. A weary smile on her lips. “I’ll take care of her. I promise.” 

Kit looks to Jade, who shrugs. 

It’s your decision. 

Kit sighs then nods, handing over the leash. She gives Shimmer a little rub before they start to move again.

Anticipation buzzes beneath Kit’s skin as she watches Willow approach the towering mountainside. At the foot of the mountain, a narrow entrance yawned, half hidden by vines and tangled roots. Any passerby wouldn’t have batted an eye, but Willow strategically leads them in. Once Willow is in, Jade and Kit exchange glances. As they loom closer to the entrance, they hear a faint trickling of the sound of water. “Stay close.” Jade whispers to her as they step into the darkness.

It takes a while for their eyes to adjust to the sudden darkness, but Willow holds up a torch, lighting the rough hewn walls.

Kit, wearily walking, her eyes scanning the tunnel’s surroundings, mutters to Jade, “It makes sense. Going underground is safer.”

Jade frowns, looking around and Kit knows she’s feeling claustrophobic. The tunnel begins to widen, and people start to trickle out from surrounding tunnels. The people watch them, and Kit slowly links her pinky with Jade. Jade looks at her with an unreadable expression, but then Jade takes Kit’s hand fully, squeezing once.

Kit wishes she was brave enough to press her lips to the back of Jade’s hand.

As they descend the dimly lit tunnels, the smell of damp earth invades their noses. Flickering light torches line the stone walls, and Kit can see its shadows on the adjacent walls. Kit walks with trepidation and curiosity, not really knowing how to feel about entering another society that isn’t Tir Asleen. Jade, walking in front of her, looks back at Kit with the same feeling reflected on her delicate features.

After navigating the twisting tunnels for what felt like a lifetime, they enter an open space, and Kit finally feels like she can take a deep breath. Kit looks up, and realizes they might have entered deep into a mountain judging by the opening high above. Kit can just make out the setting sun’s rays reflected on the high walls.

Jade ignores the eyes of passersby, but Kit can’t help but glare back. “Don’t worry about them,” Willow says, as he continues to walk against the dusty ground. “They’re just curious. We’ll talk in the room ahead.”

The tunnel gets wider the further they go, and they begin to diverge into smaller tunnels every which way. Willow takes them ahead.

The room is isolated, the area surrounding it is scarce of people, but it’s obviously for a reason. The entrance to it is covered by a red cloth, not really a door. “We’ll have more privacy in here.”

The room is small, and has a round table centering it made of pure stone. Kit can taste the dust in her throat, but she does nothing but try to clear it. If only her mother and Airk could see how well she’s adapting to the outside.

Kit notices the archer, Mims, is back. 

“How’s Shimmer?” 

“She’s with the stable hand. She’s being spoiled rotten, don’t worry.” 

Willow sits at the head of the round table, his eyes laser focused on Kit. Jade shifts beside her, almost covering Kit with her body from his view. Jade’s head is turned towards him, so Kit can tell she was about to say something to him when he suddenly speaks, “You know I’m surprised your mother sent you here,”

Jade whips her head towards Kit, but Kit’s gaze is unwavering on Nelwyn’s leader. She doesn’t betray any emotions. “Why’s that?”

“Well, we didn’t exactly end on good terms.” Willow says, interlocking his fingers. “Was practically thrown out of Tir Asleen, if I’d describe it.”

“What?” Jade says, her eyes flicker to Kit, a worried expression on her face. Kit can see her fingertips tracing her knife.

Kit shakes her head at Jade slightly. Kit trusts her mother, and her mother clearly trusts Willow, despite what happened between them.

“But you’re still going to help us.” Kit says it like a statement.

“But I’m still going to help you.” Willow says, a kind smile to his face. “Despite our rift, your parents were very dear to me. Protected me in the beginning when I lost my family in Seattle and no one batted an eye in my direction.”

“That’s awfully kind of you.” Jade says, narrowing her eyes at him, her voice laced with suspicion. “What’s the catch?”

Willow shrugs and says, “No catch.”

“No catch?”

“No catch.” Willow says, then with a sad smile tucking the corners of his lip, he adds, “Just kill every one of them for me, yeah?”

Kit can see the gears turning in Jade’s beautiful head before she says, “You lost someone, too.”

“I lost more than one person to the hands of those barbarians.”

Jade looks at him for a while, some sort of conversation happening between the two without the need for words.

“The only reason that city isn’t burned to the ground is because I needed to live to save my daughter.” He says, pointing to his legs, then Kit’s eyes laser in on his and Mims’ interlocked hands, tried not to let the way her heart drop at the sight get to her.  “And now I can’t finish what I wanted to end.”

Jade doesn’t seem to be blinking. After a tense moment passes in which Kit swears the anger of both Willow and Jade fills every molecule of the room, she nods, “I’ll finish it. I promise.”

Willow’s stares at Jade, Kit sees his bottom lip wobble, “Someone has to. They need to pay for what they’ve done. They need to pay for what they’ve done to city of Seattle. To its people.”

“You’re not angry?” Kit asks, because she has to make sure. “That my parents are the reason you went to the Immemorial City in the first place?”

Willow finally looks at Kit again. “I’m not in the habit of blaming people for the acts of others. Besides, this happened a long time ago. I know my enemies.”

Kit ponders his answer, tries to see if there’s any hidden lie or trap beneath his words, when she finds none, she nods.

“And,” he rests his wrists on the table, staring at his hands, clasped but Kit can tell are shaking. “They weren’t the reason I went to Immemorial City. Sure, I would have never gone back right then if they didn’t kick me out of Tir Asleen, but I had my family back there. It was always inevitable that I go back.”

Willow then takes a deep breath, like the weight of his own grief is restricting his ability to breathe. “Clean off and have a warm meal. We’ll discuss more in the morning.” Then he turns to his daughter, who has done a complete 180. She’s smiling warmly at her and Jade, her eyes sparkling and she looks kind. A perfect opposite to the girl who drew arrows at them just an hour ago.

“Come with me,” Mims says, standing up. “I’ll take you to your rooms.”

Jade spares Willow a glance before she turns, following Mims back out the tunnels.

“Sorry about shooting at you earlier,” Mims starts, a smile tugging on her lips. “You know how it is.”

“You’re a good shot.” Kit tries to be civil.

“Thanks, I gotta take you to our archery set up later.” Mims says, pointing to Kit’s bow strapped to her back.

Kit gives her a small smile, “Yeah, sure.”

She looks up at Jade, to see what she thought, but she is looking off, a small furrow between her brows indicates she’s anywhere but here right now.

“Been using the bow since I was a kid,” Mims continues. “It was actually the people in the Immemorial City that taught me. They tried to make a weapon out of everyone and are generally terrible human beings, but they did teach me this useful skill.”

Kit is still watching Jade, whose eyes flicker to the small girl walking ahead of them at the mention of the city.

“So they use archery?” Jade asks.

“Yeah, among other things. But mainly archery for long range weapons.”

“Noted.” Jade murmurs to herself.

It’s quiet again as Mims leads them further into the dim tunnel, flickers of the hanging torches casting a soft glow to the harsh stone around them.

“Here we are,” Mims proclaims, stopping in front of two doors, and Kit gives a quick thanks to the skies for the existence of doors here. They’re wooden, not much to look at, but at least it’ll give them some privacy.

Kit glances at Jade, holds her elbow to get her attention. “Um, actually, I’d prefer if we shared a room?” then quickly adds, “If that’s okay. I just—I’d feel more comfortable—”

“Of course,” Mims says, her smile wider. “I’m sorry, I guess I misunderstood the situation.”

“No, no—”

“It’s fine,” Jade interrupts Kit, giving her a reassuring smile. “We’re used to sharing a bed ever since we were kids.”

“I snuck into her room a lot.” Kit says, a stupid smile on her face at the memory.

“Alright,” Mims says with a chuckle. “Yeah, you both could take this room.”

As they enter, Mims leaves to fetch them extra pillows and blankets from the other room. Kit takes a moment to look around. The room is relative in size, a bed is pushed to the far wall, and surprisingly, a window. The window offers a view of another underground room that is filled with light and greenery. Kit understands that the light is supposed to mimic the sun, but it’s too white and artificial. But the greenery is beautiful. Jade looks out, and Kit turns to her. “Are you sure you’re okay with having me here?”

Jade turns to her, and though Kit trusts Jade a hundred percent, there’s always some part of her, a weak part, that will always question her worth to other people. So, she holds her breath until Jade says, “Of course.”

Relief washes over Kit.

“Thanks for watching out for me.” Jade continues.

“Thanks for pretending I’m doing this for you.” Kit teases.  

Jade chuckles, and the sound send a rush of warmth through Kit’s center.

“We’re a team, remember?” Kit says, and arm wrapped around Jade.

“We’re a team.” Jade confirms.

And Kit no longer feels angry towards the girl with honey brown eyes.

Chapter Text

“Shit!” Kit curses, jumping back against the wooden walls surrounding the make-shift shower. “It’s freezing.”

She hears Jade chuckle just outside the shack. “You should be used to it by now.”

“Well, I’m not.” Kit sulks as she begins to take careful steps towards the water, knowing she doesn’t have the luxury of time like she does in Tir Asleen, or even a river outside. She looks at the nozzle above like it personally offended her. “I fucking hate cold water.”

“Hey, if you’re quick enough you won’t be freezing anymore.”

“Oh Ha-Ha.” Kit says, trying for sarcasm but with the cold, her voice trembles. She counts herself down, and grabs for the soap so she can start cleaning herself as soon as she’s fully submerged. The shock of the cold makes Kit take a sharp inhale as soon as the water hits her skin, she lets out a gasp, then a yelp. “Fuck!!!” she mutters against her chattering teeth.

She hears Jade laugh but she’s too cold to enjoy it.

When she’s adjusted to the water temperature, or as much as she could, she begins to lather the soap against her skin. “We should wash our clothes after this.”

“Yeah,” Kit washes the soap out of her hair. “This soap is going to make our hair feel and look like shit.”

Jade genuinely laughs again, and Kit feels her joy soar at the sound of it. “We should’ve just used ours, though it isn’t much better.”

“Let’s save our stock as much as we can,” Kit says. “Though I might change my mind depending on how my hair dries.”

“I’m sure it’ll be as silky smooth as ever, princess.”

Kit’s heart does a flip at the compliment and at the nickname Jade hasn’t used for a while. Yeah, Kit loves life beyond the wall.

Kit finishes up, and Jade opens the door slightly to slip in their towel. Something she and Jade insisted to bring one of to avoid dying of hypothermia. It’s small, but convenient. She pats herself dry, dresses herself in her jeans and her spare shirt and steps out, her dirty clothes on the rock where she left them. Jade turns to look at her, and Kit gives her a shy smile. She twists out of the way, and Jade steps in as soon as she does. She hears her take a deep breath once she’s in.

Kit sits on the rock, enjoying the buzz under her skin as she begins to warm up, not that the cave they’re in is warm or anything, but the lack of actual freezing water on her skin should be enough.

She hears Jade let out a gasp, then an exhilarated laugh. “This is awesome!”

“You’re insane.” Kit says, a smile stretching her lips.

The sound of the shower stopping sends Kit flying across the room to hand Jade the towel. A minute later she steps out in a similar outfit. Kit shouldn’t be struck by how beautiful Jade is, not after all these years. But she’s wearing a blue sweater, her jeans perfect on her. Her hair down and framing such a pretty face it’s unfair. Kit wants to kiss her, she realizes. She turns quickly, not trusting herself not to act on her impulse.  

Kit swears it’s been harder since she realized she’s in love with Jade. It was always easier to explain away her desire for Jade to be akin to best friendship. Nothing more.

She was an ignorant idiot, yes, but ignorance is bliss.

Now, how is she supposed to not kiss Jade? Not tell her that she loves her? Not pour her heart out? It’s impossible, and Kit knows it.

She knows she’s close to bursting. Can feel it in the way her eyes linger over the other girl’s features.

“You okay?” Jade asks, grabbing their bags from the ground, a small frown between her eyebrows.

“Peachy,” she says, though her voice is breathless. “Let’s go get these washed by the river we found.”

Jade only nods.

As Jade and Kit step into the expansive open area nestled in the heart of the mountain, the general ambiance transformed from the dim, earthy tones of the underground tunnels they moved through just this afternoon into a warm and inviting atmosphere thanks to the flickering candlelight against the stone walls.

A long, rustic table, loaded with dishes Jade and Kit had only eaten back in Tir Asleen, have missed with a passion as they settled for squirrels or rabbits on the road. Steaming bowls of stew, freshly baked bread, and bowls of root vegetables. Kit wants to pounce on the meals but chose to walk steadily by Jade, who looks around the people instead.

“Kit! Jade!” Kit hears Mims call them over from the table, Willow heading it. He gives them a welcoming nod as he brings his spoon to his stew. “We saved you those seats.” She points with her chin towards the two chairs across from her.

“Hello,” Jade’s soothing, accented voice brings a smile to the people around the table. “Thank you for letting us stay and rest up.”

“Of course,” Willow says, gesturing to his people around the table, and the ones sitting on rocks around the area. “It wouldn’t be right not to, despite the state of the world, I do value common decency.”

Mims gives them a smile.

“And we also know how to protect ourselves,” Willow jokes, though Kit suspects he means it. “should we need to.”

It elicits a few laughs from the people around.

“Please, eat!”

Kit doesn’t have to be told twice. She begins filling her plate, and only stops when she realizes Jade is not. Willow moves the table like the leader that he is, sharing stories and laughter with the others, completely oblivious of Jade’s inhibitions. Kit feels a familiar pang of concern as she watches her.

“Just bread?” Kit whispers to her, setting her plate down, eyeing the bread Jade is fiddling with but not really eating.

 “Um,” Jade begins, Kit can tell she’s trying to find any excuse not to eat. Kit had let things go on their journey. When Jade would give Kit the bigger half of the meat, or telling her that she’s eaten when Kit knows she hasn’t. Right now, Kit’s at her wits end. “Maybe I’ll eat a bit later. I don’t really feel—”

“The last thing we ate was breakfast this morning.” Kit says, a bit more harshly than intended, but she doesn’t know how else to be. Then, though with extreme caution, she says, “You need your strength, Jade. For what’s to come.”

She hates using this card, but this is all she has.

Jade looks at her, and Kit can see the irritation simmering beneath her features. Kit knows Jade hates to be coddled, has told her as much, but Kit thinks she’s allowed to cross that boundary if Jade’s health is on the line. Though Kit wishes she’d give her a smile instead, Jade nods slowly.

Kit takes it as her cue to fill her plate for her, giving her most of the protein in the stew. She ignores the people around them and their dirty looks. In fact, she reciprocates them. Jade needs this protein more than they do, and even if she doesn’t, Kit would give it to her a thousand times over.

She places the plate back in front of Jade, giving her an encouraging smile.

“What do you think of the stew?” Mims asks, perhaps was watching them exchange words alone. “It my personal favorite. To eat and to cook.”

Kit wishes she’s eating alone with Jade. Wishes she doesn’t have to entertain such mindless conversations with people she doesn’t know, but she knows how much they need these people, so she dons a persona created by Sorsha Tanthalos and says, “Oh, you cook?”

“Yeah! This one in particular requires special herbs from the forest.” Mims says, her eyes wide in excitement. “That’s why it’s my favorite. I get to get out of the mountain and go further out.”

Kit hums, and says almost to herself, “I can get behind that.”

Kit and Mims converse slowly, with an occasional hum of agreement from Jade as they finish their food. Jade ate all the protein and most of the stew so Kit is satisfied. Kit notices a group gathering in the corner, instruments at hand as they begin to chatter with one another. “Best part of the night,” Mims mumbles, as the group turns to face them. Kit can’t make out much from this distance, but can feel the music hum into life slowly.

A song starts to play, and people begin to gather in the middle. It reminds Kit too much of Tir Asleen’s parties, and quite frankly it was a little too loud with the open sky above them. But Jade has a soft smile on, and the people were laughing, and she isn’t too stubborn to admit that they need this.

Drinks are being passed around, and Kit doesn’t hesitate to down hers, missing the way it warms her skin. Jade takes small sips, probably thinking of the consequences tomorrow. Kit doesn’t, never has and doesn’t want to start now. Especially since every time she so much as looked at Jade, her heart painfully squeezes.

Yeah, she needs a break from that.

“Hey, I’m going to go check on Shimmer.” Jade says, leaning in a way that sets Kit’s body on fire. All Kit could do is hum in acknowledgement, and watch Jade walk away longingly.

God, she’s pathetic.

“Here,” Mims’ sudden appearance by her side does make her flinch for a second. “I know you need it.”

Kit frowns, but takes the offered cup nevertheless. “Why, exactly, do you think I need it?”

Mims doesn’t say anything to that, only smiles into her drink and watches the last glimpse of red curls leave the area. “So, I haven’t misread the situation.”

“Alright, I know I only had one drink, but I’ve been walking for four weeks straight now so I’m gonna need you to be a little more clear.”

“Earlier, I thought you were just friends before you asked to room with Jade.” Mims says, then she shrugs. “I guess I was right.”

“Yeah, and what about it?”

“Just thought I’d give you some advice,” Mims says. “Feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I can’t help but notice.”

“Yeah,” Kit says, taking a gulp. She isn’t going to deny it.

“And I don’t think you’re particularly trying to hide it.”

“Nope.”

“And is that all you’re going to do?” Mims says, almost like she’s leading her into a conversation that Kit doesn’t particularly want to have with someone she just met. “Look at her like she’s the only star in the sky?”

Kit looks down at the small girl.

“I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable,” Mims says, smiling into her cup. “But I have a feeling you’re not that type of person.”

“I’m not.” Kit says, knowing that with Jade, it’s different. “But she’s been through so much…”

“That’s exactly why it’s more important for you to be there for her,” Mims says, and Kit thinks that she might be a little too invested in this. “Jade’s going through a lot but you make her smile too, you know. Maybe you can be someone who gives her some hope in this shithole.”

Kit sighs, and though she wishes for nothing else but to be Jade’s and for Jade to be hers, she can’t help but be a bit apprehensive. “I just need her to be okay. That’s my top priority. I don’t need to add any more pressure on her.”  

“You can’t hide your feelings forever, Kit.” Mims speaks after a minute, downing her drink. “It’ll eat you up alive.”

Kit finishes her drink. Mims turns to face her now, “You should talk to her. If my intuition is correct, you both want the same thing.”

Mims twists her feet and walks away with a smile. “Come get me when you wanna hit the target stands.”

Kit sighs and gets another drink.

Jade holds her glass against her lips, watching people sway to the music. She’d gone to give Shimmer a brush and a snack before another drink was shoved in her face. Jade hates drinking, but she isn’t surprised to find Kit halfway gone. Charmingly winning a drinking game against a much larger opponent.

Taking her eyes off her girl, Jade looks around the open area. Many people are still dancing, some are playing card games around, and a one lonely Willow downing his tankard by the dinner table to her left.

Jade walks to the man.

Willow puts the tankard down on the table in front of him with a sigh, Jade takes the seat next to him, overlooking the dancing crowd.

Jade feels a cold breeze from the evening sky, shivering in the bench she and Willow are occupying, beginning to count the twinkling stars before she asks gently, “Do you ever stop thinking about them?”  

If Willow is shocked by her forwardness, he doesn’t say. His blue eyes are focused on the table in front of them, clearly lost in thought. Jade doesn’t realize she’s been rubbing her wrist until her shoulder begins to ache. “No, not really.”

Jade sighs, feeling a tightness in her chest that never seems to leave her.

“Sorry. Probably not the answer you wanted.”

Jade only shakes her head. He doesn’t need to apologize. She appreciates his honesty.

“It’s—” Willow starts, then deflates, like he isn’t sure if he wanted to share. Jade is desperate for anything, anything to not feel so alone. She turns to him fully. Willow starts again. “It’s like they’re everywhere. In every little thing I see or do, my wife and son are there with me. I hear my wife scolding me when I know I’m making a bad decision or my son’s laughter when Mims lands a bullseye.” Willow looks up at the sky, too. “They’re everywhere all at once, and it confused the hell out of me for a time.”

Jade nods, urging, begging, him to continue.

“But then it settled, and I learned to appreciate the companionship of grief. When I lost them, a part of me was lost too. Hell, I don’t even remember the person I was before, and there are still days when I reach over, expecting to find Kiaya there. And the realization that she isn’t feels like losing them all over again.”

Jade swallows the lump in her throat. She wants to scream and yell and tell the world how unfair that she loses her father. That she gets to move on without him.

But Jade only swallows, and she listens.

Willow looks at her, offering a comforting smile, “It can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone.” Jade follows Willow’s eyes to Kit, who slams another cup on the table, a roar of excitement fills their area. “You have to learn to share the load. Bear it with someone else. It’s the only way to survive it.”

Taking a deep breath, Jade’s voice trembles as she starts, “Sometimes talking about it hurts. Sometimes not talking about it helps me forget. Even for a moment, but at least it’s for a moment.”

Willow stays silent, waiting for her to continue. Jade fights against the lump in her throat for the millionth time, refusing to cry.

“I know it’s wrong because the next moment, I remember, and I feel it crushing down so hard on my chest sometimes I can’t breathe.” She takes a shuddering breath, then whispers, “It’s suffocating.”

Willow nods.

Jade decides to tell Willow, decided to make him the first person to tell, “I lost my father.” She says, for the first time, and she thinks she might crash, but she continues. “He wasn’t my real father, he found me when I was eight. Saved me countless times in several ways. He was my rock. Now I feel like I’m just…floating.”

Willow hums, “I’m sorry, Jade.” Jade only takes a deep breath. “What would you say to him if you could talk to him?”

Jade’s thought about this a lot. Ran many words over and over and prayed that he could hear them. But ultimately, “That he didn’t deserve to die the way he did.” Jade whispers, feeling the truth of the words as it comes out. “That the world has completely darkened since he’s been gone and I’m not sure how to get the light back.” Jade feels her eyes sting, and fuck it she takes another sip of her drink. “Dont even know how to begin finding it. Whether or not I’d be betraying him if I ever did.” Then with a tear escaping, Jade mumbles, “Because, really, if anyone deserves the world darkening for them, it’s him.”

She feels Willow’s hand on her shoulder. Fuck, she can’t.

She wipes her face, quickly, not wanting Kit or anyone else to notice.

“I wish so many things.” Jade continues, once she feels like she can. “But I do hope he knew how much I loved him. That all I ever wanted was to make him proud. Of me. Of saving me.”

Jade turns to the man that cracked her open, and smiles, “And I wish I was heartless enough to move on. To forget and to forgive. But I can’t, and I won’t.”

“You shouldn’t have to.” Willow says, shaking his head. “Not from this.”

Jade nods, tries to believe him.

The older man gets up, a hand stretched out.

“But don’t let it consume you, Jade.” Willow says. “It almost did for me, and I only got out because of Mims. Honor what you lost, in whatever way you see fit, but then you have to start living.”

Willow gives her a tight smile before he is walking away, and Jade can see the additional weight on that man’s shoulder.

She sighs, wrenching her eyes from the departing man. She finishes her drink, the sting distracting and observes Kit finish her last round. Their eyes meet when she’s declared a winner, and Jade gives her a grin, the sight too endearing to ignore, instantly lifting her mood. She watches Kit grab another tankard and make her way to Jade. “Having fun?” Jade asks when she’s close enough.

Kit plops down next to her and bumps her shoulder. “Much better than Tir Asleen’s parties, that’s for sure.”

Kit’s eyes are lidded, her words slurred, and very well on her way to being completely wasted.

“You’re right. Those parties totally sucked.” Jade lets herself chuckle.

“Finally, admitting I’m right.” Kit says, a smug smile on her lips that Jade can’t help but roll her eyes at. “Where’d you go off to?”

“I went to see Shimmer,” Jade says, looking down at her glass, not really wanting to mention her conversation with Willow. “Needed a minute.”

“This is pretty overwhelming,” Kit says, looking around.

Jade looks up instead, at the gaping hole showcasing the night sky, at the sparkling stars and is reminded of Scorpia, and counting them as kids. She smiles, missing her sister dearly.

“You ready to get out of here?”

Kit downs her drink in three gulps before she’s nodding. Jade holds Kit as she begins to sway as soon as she’s on her feet. “Kinda overdid it, maybe?” Jade teases, placing a hand on the girl’s waist, hoisting her up. Kit fully leans on Jade as they silently make their way to their room.

Jade can feel Kit’s eyes on her the whole way, can feel her wheels turning as she opens the door to their room with her free hand.

“Jade?”

Jade hums in acknowledgement as she steps into the room.

“Were you not even a little bit sad?” Kit’s words are slurred, but her voice is somber, as Jade helps her into a seating position on the bed. Almost like she’s scared to ask or scared of the answer. “about going to Bastian and leaving me in Tir Asleen?”

Though her eyes are unfocused before, now they seem to laser in on Jade. The question takes Jade off guard, coming seemingly out of nowhere. But if Jade knows Kit at all, she knows that this has been wandering in her head for a long time, and finally like everything else when it comes to Kit, it tumbles.

Jade remembers when she was told she’s been accepted to go to Bastian. That everything she has worked for was enough, that she was enough. She was ecstatic, smiling so wide as he personally told her the decision. She was happy, then her heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach as she understood what going truly entails. She’d leave him behind, and that would hurt, but leaving Kit? that would kill her. But Jade understood quickly that staying would have killed her too. “I had to leave.”

“Why?” Kit asks, her grip on Jade’s arm tightens as Jade tries to stand straight.  Kit looks like she’s bracing herself.

It’s as if Kit being drunk made Jade just as drunk and bold as she says, “Because I couldn’t be around you and not—” Jade stops herself and sighs, she sits on the floor, her back to the bed, and Kit slides down next to her. Maybe it’ll be easier to say this way. She looks down at her torn boots and plays with her shoelaces, needing the distraction.

Of course, Kit doesn’t budge.

“Not what?” Kit probes.

“Are you really gonna make me say it?” Jade whispers, still playing with her shoelaces.

Kit’s eyes follow Jade’s hands, and she leans her head on her shoulder. Jade leans back as she hears Kit say, in the softest voice, “Yes.”

Jade feels her heart hammering. She never questioned Kit, always thought that Kit would never intentionally hurt her, and she has always known that Kit was it for her. There wasn’t going to be anyone else.

But Jade is always scared.

Sure, she’s come a long way from the scared little kid she was when she first met the other girl, but Jade thinks that she will never truly grow out of the deep-rooted fear that always lived beneath her skin. She understood her fear of losing the people she loves when she was young, knew it too well, but she never felt her fear of rejection till she met Kit. Scared that, though Kit always sought her out, she’d realize that Jade’s just a bunch of broken pieces molded into a human form. And she’d get bored of her.

So, Jade accepted that she will always love Kit from a distance in her own private way. That if Kit finally sees her, she’ll decide that she doesn’t want to choose Jade anymore. Jade braced for that. 

Kit was always seemingly out of reach. 

She should’ve known Kit would claw her love out of her, tooth and nail, if she so much sensed it.

And Jade should’ve known that no matter how much she convinced herself that she’s okay loving Kit from a distance for the rest of her life, the speed of which she accepted going to Bastian should’ve been telling enough. She simply couldn’t. With each passing day, she wanted more.

She never admitted it. Even when Elora could so clearly tell. Her beautiful friend could reach into the depths of her without Jade having to say anything, never poked and prodded about it either, understood Jade’s apprehension like no one else did.  

Jade sighs, loudly, not knowing how to start the thing that’s been her companion for years.

“Jade?” Kit turns her head slightly, her forehead resting on Jade’s neck. “Please?”

“Because I couldn’t be around you and not love you the way I wanted to.”

She hears the faintest inhale of breath, the smallest gasp, feels it against her neck and it sends shivers down her spine. She has to move. Now that it’s out there, she feels like the walls are caving in.

She wants to run, but Kit has iron grips tightened around her.

Kit doesn’t feel the same way.

Jade’s an idiot and Kit doesn’t feel the same way.

She was about to take it all back and beg for Kit’s forgiveness when she hears a trembling voice, “I love you.”

It’s Jade’s turn to take her own sharp inhale. She finally looks at the love of her life.

“Like,” Kit giggles, giggles! “Like really, really love you. Obsessed.”

Jade’s mouth hang in shock, she’s searching for any signs of dramatization or even a little lie to make Jade feel better, but Kit’s smiling. A closed mouth smile that accentuates her dimples. Jade feels elated, like she’s dreaming. A buzzing in her skin begging her to act. To finally, finally give in.

She hadn’t been wrong.

She isn’t dreaming.

Kit loves her.

But then…the heavy blush spreading through Kit’s cheeks reminds Jade that Kit is severely drunk. And whatever hope she feels building inside is crushed. “You’re drunk.”

Kit’s smile falters a bit, “Maybe. Doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

Kit’s going all in. She saw an opening from Jade, and is deciding to put it all out there. Like all the hesitant looks and innocent touches meant nothing. And truly, Jade shouldn’t have expected anything less from her.

Jade eyes her wearily as Kit’s smile grows, “We should talk about this tomorrow.”

Kit’s eyes are on Jade’s lips, anticipation killing them both as Jade sees Kit make her mark, and decision.

Jade stands, heart pounding in her chest and says, “I’m not kissing you, Kit.”

Kit follows, her eyes flash in anger, “Why not? I want to, and you clearly want to, too.”

“You’re drunk! I’m not going to kiss you when you won’t even remember it in the morning.”

“I don’t care! I want you to.” Kit moves forward, and Jade steps back, a hand out as if Kit is a wild animal that will pounce on her. For fuck’s sake! Jade lowers her hand quickly before it angers Kit even more. Kit freezes, and easy tears spring to her eyes. Her eyes focus on a place at Jade’s throat, her face morph into full devastation as her mouth form words that would not spill.

Until it does. 

“What the fuck, Jade?”

Then as soon as it’s reflected, her face turns to steel. It hurts Jade to see it, and to be the reason for it. For Kit to wear an expression that doesn’t fit her beautiful face. She wants to yell it’s not a no. Scream for Kit to understand that she needs her sober, that her mind will not rest until she says those three words sober.

But Kit doesn’t stop to listen.

Anger stiffens her movements as she grabs a pillow and a blanket. “I’m sleeping in the other room. I can’t even look at you right now.”

And that was a punch to her gut, a pierced knife wedged between her ribcage. Pain is all she feels as she watches Kit leave without turning back once.

Jade has paced the room for what felt like hours. Her skin itches and no matter how hard she tries to sleep, to tell herself that they’ll figure it out in the morning, and that it’ll be alright. Nothing settles her.

The night feels heavier after Kit has left the room. Her heart regrets her decision but her mind knows that it was the right thing to do. She just couldn’t shake the image of Kit’s hurt expression.

Jade knows she needs to talk to Kit. She won’t be able to sleep unless she did.

Determined to make things right, Jade rises to her feet and begins to make her way to the neighboring room, her heart pounding with each step towards the other door.

At the entrance, Jade hesitates.

What if Kit is well and truly done with her? What if Jade truly just completely and utterly fucked this up?

She watches her shaking hand hovering over the doorknob. Her mind begging her to go back to her room and try to sleep, but Jade is stubborn if anything and she twists the knob.

Kit is laying on the bed, her back to the door, but Jade can tell that she’s awake.

“Kit?” She calls for her, voice wobbling. She doesn’t turn around, and her heart sinks. “Can we talk?”

After a moment, Kit turns, but doesn’t sit up. She looks at Jade with bloodshot eyes, and Jade takes a step forward, and sits on the bed facing the other girl. “I’m sorry.”

“You hurt me, Jade.” Kit’s lower lip wobbles, looking up at Jade with such heartbreaking eyes. “A lot.”

Jade feels tears spring to her eyes. She looks at Kit when she quietly says, “I’m sorry. I’m just—I don’t want to lose you.”

Kit holds Jade’s head between her hands and looks her dead in the eye as she says, “The only way you’re going to lose me is if I die, okay?!”

“I love you.”

Jade didn’t even think as she said it.

“What?”

Jade takes a deep breath and continues, “I am, and have been for some time, just completely and desperately in love with you.” She finally says. “And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long but Kit, please know that hurting you was never my intention. It—” Jade pauses to catch her breath. “It has always been you.”

And Kit’s face split in a smile so bright Jade thinks she has to kiss her. So, she does.

She feels the warmth of her breath against her skin, soft puffs of air before lips meet.

Kissing Kit feels like coming home, it is tentative at first, but then Jade sees a flash of gold erupt as her senses intensifies, and she feels a rush of warmth spread throughout her very bones, melting away any doubt or fear she might have had. Kit kisses with intent, her hand twitching by her side, and Jade slowly feels it dig into her waist as she brings them closer. Her other hand rests on Jade’s cheeks, soft and comforting as a wave of emotions crash over Jade. Joy, relief and complete and utter belonging.

For the first time in a while, Jade doesn’t feel so alone.

Jade tastes the love and warmth emanating from the other girl, feels the eagerness as if it’s her own. This is what she wanted, what they both wanted, for so long. So much years spent yearning after one another, all leading up to this.

Breathlessly, they pull apart. A smile never leaving Kit’s face as she looks up at Jade. She knows that Kit’s studying her, gauging her reaction.

Jade smiles back, then nudges Kit’s nose with her own.

“You mean to tell me we could have been doing this the whole time?” Kit tries to quip, but it comes out flat, both still reeling from the kiss. Jade thinks she will never not be reeling from that kiss.

But Jade gives her a chuckle, and she rests her head atop Kit’s, needing a moment to breathe.

“I really do,” Kit says, after a moment of playing with the collar of Jade’s sweater. “Love you.”

Jade takes a moment to plant a kiss to Kit’s hair, still smelling of the jasmine soap they used earlier.

“I really love you, too.”

Kit wakes up, but she doesn’t open her eyes. Afraid it might all have been a dream, and that her and Jade are still fighting. She allows herself a moment, and then she feels it. The steady rise and fall of the warmth beneath her, her hand already resting on her lover’s chest. She grabs at the material, can’t help herself, and buries her nose into her.

“Can’t imagine that’s very comfortable,” Jade’s sweet, accented voice tickles her mind. Brings her immense joy just from hearing it.

She stays with her nose buried in Jade’s armpit.  Only to hide her stupid smile, “It’s really comfortable, actually.”

And it is. It smells like Jade and home and comfort and sunshine and all the things Kit thought she never deserved to have.

Kit looks up, needing to see the other girl, and wanting to kiss her again. Kit feels her instincts flare up, and she pushes her desire down. Only to realize that she doesn’t have to. Jade kissed her yesterday.

Said she loves her.

She leans up, pressing a soft and sweet kiss to a sleepy Jade. “Good morning.”

Though Kit feels the hangover start to solidify, she can tell it’s nothing a good breakfast and water can’t fix.

“Good morning.” Jade doesn’t open her eyes, but she’s smiling. “So, you do remember what happened.”

Kit doesn’t think her smile faltered since she woke up, “Of course. You proclaimed your undying love for me.”

She relishes the vibrations she feels from Jade’s laughter. “Whatever you say, princess.”

Absentmindedly, Kit began tracing Jade’s arm. One of her favorite parts of Jade.

Summertime has always been rough for Kit, trying to explain to herself why her eyes lingered on the other girl’s exposed skin under her tank top. Why she always felt the need to count the freckles on her shoulders when she’s close enough.

Her fingertips feel the distinction before she could anticipate it. The burn Jade never really talks about. She doesn’t retract, feeling the rubbery skin of her chemical burn.  She used to touch it a lot as a kid, the feeling of it comforting her when she was the only one awake in the dark while Jade slumbered beside her. A comfort in the night as she traces the rigid skin, knowing and feeling that Jade is right beside her.

Kit remembers the first time seeing it, how Jade grew ten times larger in her eyes at how she simply did not care to hide it. “It’s part of me. I forget it’s even there.”

Jade never really told her, though, where she truly got it from. And when Kit asks, she is always brushed off. And Kit, always scared of being too much for Jade, lets her.

She doesn’t have to worry about that now because Jade loves her. Truly loves her. Exactly how she loves Jade.

Which is still unbelievable to her because how she feels for Jade is absolutely insane and should be kept inside her at all times.

“How’d you get the burn?” Kit asks, feeling easy in the genuine joy she feels inside, and from waking up against Jade.

“Um,” Jade lifts her right arm and looks at it. Her left arm tightening around Kit’s waist. She sees Jade think, and Kit believes she might finally tell her the truth. “I got bitten. When I was younger. We chemically burned the skin around it to hide it. His idea.”

Well, so much for that.

Kit lets out a snort, “Yeah, right, you got bitten.”

Jade lowers her arm, “I did—”  

They’re startled up to their feet by the banging on the door.

“Fuck…” Kit says, holding her chest.

Jade chuckles, a hand to her own chest, and she goes to open the door. Mims stands on the other end, a new set of clothes on, “Good morning,” Mims says, holding two bowls of something up. “I went looking for you two in the other room, certain I set you up there but I must have taken too many hits yesterday.”

“Morning, Mims.” Jade says, a polite smile on the other girl’s face. Honestly, Kit is still too annoyed that they were interrupted all she could muster was a stiff smile from behind the bed.

“Here,” She holds out the bowls and Jade takes them. “A filling breakfast for the two of you. Da’s waiting by the first room whenever you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Mims.” Jade says, a charming lopsided smile on. “Truly. You’ve been nothing but kind.”

“Of course,” Mims says, sending a wink Kit’s way on her way out that has her rolling her eyes.

Closing the door with her foot, Jade slowly sinks back down on the bed, handing Kit one of the bowls. The steam from the porridge made Kit’s mouth water, and she doesn’t even like porridge. “Better savor our last proper meal,” Kit mumbles, taking a spoonful and shoving it into her mouth.

Jade hums, pulling her hair up. Kit shamelessly admires the other girl’s arms in the tank top she wears under her sweaters, and Jade shamelessly flexes for her.

When Jade settles, and Kit feels like she gonna burst, Kit starts, “Hey, so, I’m probably being crazy paranoid but I just want to make sure we’re okay, and like you’re not—or you don’t feel like I pressured you into yesterday? Like you’re not gonna—I don’t know, change your mind or anything,” Kit takes a deep breath, then with the smallest voice, “right?”

Jade’s hand on her cheek is like a salve on a wound, a gaping bleeding wound that’s been opened since her father left, or died, or wherever the fuck he is. “I don’t say shit I don’t mean, and I meant what I said, thousand-fold. Kit, I don’t think you understand how much I love you. I don’t think you ever will, but I will spend the rest of my life trying, if you’ll let me.”

Fuck the porridge. Kit dives for the other girl, and they spend the morning in fits of giggles and warmth.

Chapter Text

She’s glaring at the boy, fists clenched and ready to pounce. She feels the trickle of warm liquid run down from her nose, and she wipes with her sleeves, not surprised when it comes out dark red.

The punch wasn’t hard, not really, Jade’s had worst. It’s her hurt pride that cannot be rectified. It’s what’s keeping her standing, despite her dizziness, and glaring at the boy.

They’re training, except that Jade and Clay aren’t in the ring.

“You’re a little brat, Claymore.” Though the boy is merely a couple of years older than her, he’s chastising her like she’s a child. “Just cause Ballentine recommended you, and the fact that you’re Sorsha’s daughter’s friend, doesn’t mean that you’re actually good. You need to start pulling your weight or you’re just wasting all of our time.”

It’s true. Jade is probably, if not actually, the worst trainee here. But in that moment, Jade is relieved of her fear that stuck to her like glue. She’s not afraid of the drill sergeant, not of guards and certainly not of this scrawny Commander wanna be who doesn’t even like training as much as she does.

Funny thing is, Jade just won her first match in the few months she’s been training here.

Manically, she gives him a bloody smile, tasting metal as it enters her throat.

Then she lunges. Frantically punching and kicking and throwing her weight at the boy. Once he hits the ground, Jade traps him by straddling him and starts throwing punches. In her anger, she does not notice her bleeding knuckles. Nor does she notice her shirt being grabbed until she is being held up by the drill Sergeant.

“Don’t ever touch me again.” Jade spits out at the boy.

Jade is simply sick of being pushed around.

She doesn’t thrash and yell, all the fight left out of her, and thinking she’s done enough for today. Drill Sergeant Lachlan glares at her.

“You’re going to the locker room, Claymore. You’re off training for a week. All of them.” He says, eyes never leaving the 13-year-old. Jade only glares back, hair falling and sticking to the blood around her mouth. She doesn’t care. She feels like she’s won. “Clay, you’re off training until further notice. What’s the matter with you?”

The room Lachlan tosses her in is familiar. It’s a storage room inside the locker rooms that occupied the side of the training ring, smells of old wood and mold, filled with boxes that she opened the previous time she was thrown in here. Bored and curious, and then disappointed when it was only filled with extra supplies. She sits at a corner, holding her head high.

A painful throbbing reminds her she’s not immune to pain, even if in the moment she does not feel it.

She hears some commotion outside, the sounds of frantic boots hitting the floors, then the door is swung open. 

“Jade?” Kit’s voice is worried and breathless. From this angle, no one can see her, but for Kit, she gets up, sleeves still covering her nose. Kit’s eyes widen in shock and maybe even a little fascination at the sight of blood, “Woah.”

Jade wipes her nose, feeling disgusting all of a sudden, it just would not stop. She feels the warm trickles again, and she groans, holding her head up.

“Hey," She feels Kit’s hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” She says, overconfident and frankly stupid, giving her another winning bloody grin that makes Kit grimace, but with a smile.

“Well, who did it then?”

Jade sighs. She should have known her best friend wouldn’t let it go. She’s known her for 3 years, and she’s proven to be as stubborn and persistent as a weed to anything related to Jade. “It was Clay,” and when Kit goes to move, Jade holds her arms, stopping her. “I already fucked him up.”

A smirk stretches across her lips. “Good.”

Jade can’t help but feel proud. Just because she isn’t the best trainee right now does not mean anyone can just pick on her, and today she wanted to prove just that. Spending the week away from training is worth it.

Still, Jade can hear her Anne’s gentle voice in her ears telling her that despite it all, violence is never the answer. On the complete opposite, she hears Ballentine telling her to channel it. “Do you think I’m a monster?”

“No!” Kit’s answer was instant. “I’m sure he deserved it. Come on,” she gestures to the door with her chin.

“I can’t,” Jade replies, sweeping once under her nose. “I’m being punished like a five-year-old.”

“But he started it.” Kit says, always assuming that Jade’s never in the wrong, which is a nice change.

“Yeah, but I overdid it.” Jade says, then looks down at her worn boots. “I don’t know why…he just made me so mad.”

“You were defending yourself.” Kit says, chin high, like she’s telling Jade to hold it high.

“Yeah, but I still have to stay off training for a week. Safety training, included. Sorry.”

“A week?!” Kit groans, eyebrows raised, infamous pout plastered on her mouth. “But—”

“No buts, princess.” Sounding exactly like a Sergeant herself, despite being two years Kit’s senior.

“I will talk to Lachl—”

“NO!” Jade says, holding out both hands, and in doing so, more blood gushes out of her nose. “Shit.”

“I think you need to see the nurse,” Kit grimaces for the thousandth time.

“I think I will be fine if I lie down.” Jade lowers herself to the ground, and stares up at the ceiling, still pinching her nose. “Hey, I think it’s working.”

She heard Kit’s boots on the pavement as she moves closer and looks down at her, it was only then that Jade realizes that Kit has cut her hair shorter. Much shorter. “Oh, you’re gonna be in so much trouble,” Jade’s words laced with chuckles.

Kit grins, running a hand through her bangs to pull them out of her face, “I don’t care.”

Jade only giggles.

“But it took you long enough to notice,” Kit says as she sits beside Jade, still looking down at her, a soft smile on her face.

“Sorry,” Jade says, wiping her nose. “Couldn’t see past the blood.”

Kit chuckles dryly looking down at her hands, then she turns solemnly at Jade and stares for a few seconds. Jade can’t help the increasing thump of her heartbeat at her intense gaze. “Do you like it?”

She really does. The shaggy haircut brings out her sharp jawline and high cheek bones. She looks like she belonged in a fairytale, all tousled hair and beautiful features. She looks almost handsome. She nods, shyly. “It suits you, a lot.”

Kit fights against a smirk before she says, “Thanks.” Then she looks at Jade. “Jade, if the boys at the training are bothering you, please tell me.”

Jade sighs, long and far beyond her years, “They—” then she looks away from Kit, “don’t all hit me. Sometimes I hit them because—” Jade doesn’t know why she feels awkward saying this out loud. “I hit them because they get too close to me.”

Kit’s brows furrow, “Close to you…” she trails.

“Like they want to…” then Jade twists her features into disgust and continues, “kiss me.”

Kit’s eyes widen, and she quickly looks away, “Oh,” Kit says, and after a few seconds of silence, she asks, “And you don’t want to?”

“EW!” Jade says, and smacks Kit’s arms for even suggesting that. “Of course not! Many of them have broken noses because I don’t want to!”

“Good,” Kit says, her chin high again. Jade doesn’t understand why Kit thinks that that’s good but she doesn’t have time to think before Kit jerks up, a smile tugging fiercely on her lips, “I should join you in training!” Jade allows the thought to simmer, wild and all-consuming, before a smile is mirroring Kit’s. “That way no one can hurt you when I’m there.” Kit continues, now watching Jade lift her head when she started to feel the trickle of blood again. Kit using her privilege of being the daughter of Tir Asleen’s leader isn’t something that was new, nor is it something Jade particularly liked.

“No one can hurt me whether you’re there or not, Kit.” Jade says, rolling her eyes.

Kit looks pointedly at her bleeding nose.

But Jade is human, and she wants to spend as much time with Kit as she can, so she chuckles, “Fine, welcome aboard.”

“We can start tomorrow, but— Jade, you really should see the nurse. Your nose has not stopped bleeding.”

Jade glances towards her friend, then reluctantly nods

“So, we’re in these mountains,” Willow starts, his finger tracing Jade’s map. She eyes his movement with precision, not wanting to miss anything.

They’re in the first room they were brought in when they first arrived in Nelwyn. Willow grabbing them as soon as they finish their breakfast, Jade managed to eat half her bowl before Kit let her off. After yesterday’s mild scolding, Jade realized that Kit was right. She does need her strength, and she cannot afford to lose her muscles just because she feels sick every time she ate.

“And you said the Immemorial City was where? Seattle?” Jade asks, still bent over the table.

“Yes,” Willow says, his eyes still tracing the map. “You can take the northern route.”

He grabs a pen, begins trailing cities they can easily travel through, and which ones they might have trouble with depending on the weather, and groups that might occupy the cities, skipping quarantine zones and cities under Marshall Law. Mims pitching in with what she remembers from her years outside Nelwyn.

When they’re done, Jade looks at the map, eyeing Seattle with a smile. “Thank you, Willow.” Jade looks at the old man.

“Like I said, rain hellfire on those fuckers, and we’ll be even.” Willow says, something clouding his blue eyes.

Jade nods, and smiles at Kit, who has a worried expression on until Jade meets her eyes. She returns a smile that doesn’t really meet her eyes.

Jade suppresses her emotions. Kit knows what she’s gotten herself into. Jade isn’t going to lie to her and say this’ll be a safe journey. 

“What else can you tell us about them?” Jade asks, her skin almost itching in anticipation. Fighting an unknown enemy isn’t exactly her forte, so she’s grateful for Willow & Mims right now.

“They’re led by a man,” Willow starts, sitting back down and disregarding the map. “Calls himself the Wyrm. They say he’s a Seattle native and led the takedown of the QZ there. I was displaced from my family by then and had already met your parents,” Willow nods towards Kit, who only tightens her jaw. “I only know of what happened years after when I returned. They own that city now; any outsider is killed unless you agree to serve him.”

“Serve him?” Kit questions, her face morphed into disgust.

“Yeah,” Willow continues. “Serve him and his old crone. Be a part of their army. Protect the city from outsiders or what’s left of the military.”

“He’s…” Mims starts then pauses to take a deep breath. “He’s not a normal leader. He’s brainwashed people into becoming his slaves. Controls everything about them. No one in there is in their right minds, I’ll tell you that much.”

Jade watches Kit’s face turn to stone as she looks around the table, her eyes finally landing on Jade. She doesn’t portray any emotion because there isn’t any to portray. Jade has to do this, and the more information they can get the better. No matter how fucked and twisted.

Jade looks back to Willow, ignoring Kit’s face that is slowly bordering pleading.

“What else? Any names or locations that can help us?”

Mims shrugs, “I think I blocked out a lot of my time there but I do remember large stones at the entrance of the city after you pass a powered main gate. Other than that…” She trials with another shrug.

Jade nods, grateful for any crumb. “Do you know a woman named Lili?”

Both Willow and Mims frown in concentration, as if they’re wracking their brains for that name. Jade would have gladly spent the entire day waiting till they could remember.

“No, I’m sorry.” Mims answers. Jade looks to Willow in anticipation, the man merely shakes his head.

“Thank you, both. Really.”

Willow nods slowly.

“We better keep going. Make use of the daylight as much as we can.” Kit says, getting up, her voice wobbly.

“Of course, I’ll go get Shimmer ready for you.” Mims says, and they nod in thanks.

When Mims is gone, Willow doesn’t get up from his seat. They turn to him in question, “I—” then he sighs. “There was a girl,” he says after a few seconds of studying the table in front of him. “Many years ago. I found her while on patrol with your father,” he says this to Kit. “She was a baby left on the side of a river. Her name was Elora,” he looks up then. “I—I took care of her for a while before I was exiled. Can you—” he swallows then. “Is she—”

“She’s alive,” Jade supplies, not missing Kit’s eyeroll.

“Yes, she’s well and dandy, can we go now?”

Jade gives Kit a look, obviously oblivious to the man’s inner turmoil. Jade doesn’t miss the glassy look to the man’s eyes when she turns back to look at him.

“You found her, didn’t you?” Jade asks.

Willow nods. “She was like a sister to my boy Ranon for a while.”

Jade nods.

“Can you—” Willow doesn’t look at Jade when he asks this. “tell me about her?”

Jade gives him a soft smile. “She’s incredible, Willow.” Jade says, earnestly. “She’s one of my best friends.”

She ignores Kit’s scoff.

“She is super smart, skilled with multiple weapons, especially the sniper, and she is really kind.” Jade describes her best friend. “She’s actually one of the few people who warmly welcomed me into Tir Asleen.”

“I was the first.” Kit says, childishly, but Jade knows she’s doing it to be funny, so she goes along with it.

“Yes, Kit was the first.” Jade says, laughing back at Kit. Then she continuous. “She can be self-conscious with her abilities, never really trusts herself fully but I know when push comes to shove, she always pulls through.”

Willow has a soft smile across his face as he hears Jade essentially describe his adoptive daughter.

“She’s an amazing person.”

“I’d love to see her again someday.” Willow says.

“I’m sure she’d love it, too.” Jade says, offering him one last smile before she turns to Kit. She’s surprised to find her face completely neutral, rather than twisted bitterly. “Ready to go?

“I just don’t think she was right for you, is all I’m saying.” Jade says, with a hand raised.

“When have you ever thought anyone was right for me?”

Jade gasps in mock shock, “That’s not true. I thought Cat was great.”

“Cat and Kit? Really? Also, you thought Cat was great because you dated her.” Kit rolls her eyes, remembering those awful few months where she barely saw Jade.

“Well, I have great taste in women.” Jade’s wink shouldn’t make her this nervous. Kit drinks her whiskey. “At least now you don’t have to worry about Cher and I getting along. That girl hated my guts.”

Kit practically had to drag Jade out tonight to The Slaughtered Lamb and she only agreed after Kit admitted that she just got dumped and that she needed to get severely drunk. She and Cher have been dating for a whole two months before Cher decided to call it quits last night. Kit wasn’t surprised, could barely give the girl a frown. And it’s not like Kit didn’t care for the girl. She was funny, charming and by all accounts gorgeous. But something was missing and Kit, for the life of her, could not pinpoint why she always dreaded their one-on-one dates, always begging Jade or Airk to tag along, always felt her duties as her girlfriend to be an obligation to check off, rather than something for her enjoyment.

“She did not hate your guts,” Kit says, gesturing to Rool for another glass.

“Dude, she hated me.” Jade says, with a smile. Like she’s proud. “It was the weirdest thing.”

It was weird. Cher has mentioned Jade in her break up speech yesterday, saying she hated sharing me with her. Kit’s instinct was to tell Cher that she’s not sharing Kit with Jade. It was Jade sharing her with Cher because Jade was there first and Jade was Kit’s best friend. Then Kit realized how ridiculous that sounds.

“Whatever, anyways, she broke up with me while she was crying.” Kit says, with a confused expression.

“Did you not shed one tear, you asshole?” Jade exclaims, as if worried for Cher’s feelings.

“I can’t force myself to cry!” Kit exclaims back.

“I mean, it’s only courtesy to at least try.” Jade says, while chuckling. Then, more somberly, “Are you alright, though?”

“Yeah, nothing more than a bruised ego.” Kit replies.

“And you have a big one, so this must be hell for you.”

Kit chuckles while rolling her eyes. Her eyes caught a brunette in the corner of the bar, making eyes their way. Kit straightens. She’s seen her around, as she did most of Tir Asleen’s occupants, but has never really talked to her or knew her name. She knows Abby, though, seated next to her, talking and oblivious to the way the girl was staring. She’s almost certain the girl was planning to come their way at any moment, and Kit should be excited, but all she feels is dread of having to reject an advance. All she wants to do is drink at the bar with Jade without anyone else bothering them. Just as their laughter dies down, the brunette makes her move. Kit readies, apology already practiced, but she’s blindsided when the woman slides closer to Jade instead.

Kit’s jaw hangs low.

No.

In her panic, Kit sees it all. Their relationship blossoming into something more, Jade having a girlfriend who she adores, spends all her time with, casting out Kit in the cold.

Kit isn’t surprised that Jade is approached. Jade is gorgeous. Not accounting just her fiery hair that makes her look like an angel on earth, she is every girl’s dream. Tonight, she’s wearing a tank top and jeans, casual but in a way that exudes confidence.

No, she’s not surprised she’s the one the brunette opted for. She’s surprised how much she hates it.

Kit glares.

“Hey, Jade.” She says, her voice faux sweet.

Jade turns and faces the girl, “Oh hey, Nora.”

They know each other?

“How are you doing?”

“I’m good, just taking a breather after a long day. This is Kit.” Jade points to Kit with her pointer.

“Hi,” Kit, pathetically says, holding out a hand.

“Hi.” Nora says, shaking her hand and eyeing her up and down quickly. It could have been missed if Kit wasn’t studying the other girl.

Shit, she’s even more beautiful up close.

“So, how do you two know each other?” Kit can help but ask.

“Oh, we train together.” Jade says, throwing a charming smirk towards the brunette that frankly pisses Kit off. Is she trying to woo her?

This is supposed to be their night out, just the two of them, not an opportunity for this complete stranger to completely throw herself all over Jade.

Kit short-circuited.

What the hell is she doing?

Jade’s her best friend and she’s upset that she might finally find someone she might like?

She shakes her head at herself slightly. There’s no way Kit’s gonna allow herself to be that selfish and ruin this for her.

Downing her drink, she stands. She fakes a smile towards Jade and gives her a wink, “Well, why don’t you sit right here?” She says to Nora. “I was heading out anyway.”

“Kit?” Jade’s low voice echoes in her mind.

“Thanks!” Nora smiles brightly as plops down the seat she’s been occupying. She can feel Jade’s dagger stare to her right but she’s actively ignoring it because she’s actively trying not to be a selfish brat.

She’s also actively trying not to cry.

She tosses a ‘I’ll see you’ to Jade and begins walking towards the exit.

She wouldn’t wish this feeling on her worst enemy.

Despite this is all her doing, Kit tries to ignore the painful twist in her gut as she stumbles out of the bar, the alcohol burning in her stomach.

The cool, summer breeze should feel refreshing in comparison to that cramped and dodgy bar, but it did nothing to calm her.  Unable to make it to her house in such a state, she leans against the side of the building and tells herself to take big breaths.

In. Out. In. Out.

Fuck, why does she feel so bad? So alone. So awful.

She should be happy for Jade. Proud of herself for taking up the social cues and leaving when clearly everyone wanted her to.

She shouldn’t be fighting herself not to cry.

Is Kit really that selfish?

She likes to think that she’s not. But it’s hard to when all she ever wants is to spend time with Jade and plan all their adventures outside of Tir Asleen in her head.

She hangs her head now between her knees, allows herself to sigh dramatically while swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Kit?”

Fuck.

Kit whips her head up, sees Jade standing, frantically looks around until her gaze softens as it lands on her. She steps towards her and slides down next to her; all the while Kit studies her features. “You idiot,” Jade mutters, shaking her head. “What is wrong with you? Why did you do that?”

“Wha—idiot? That’s what I get for trying to set you up?”

Kit hates how shaky her voice is.

“I don’t need you to set me up, Kit. Trust me.” Jade says, and Kit rolls her eyes. She didn’t need the reminder that girls throw themselves at her but whatever. “I came here tonight for you.”

The truth of the statement hits Kit like a ton of bricks. There’s no doubt in Kit’s mind of Jade’s sincerity, and the surge of unwarranted jealousy is dimmed, just like that. Still, Kit needs to make sure, “But she was—”

“She was nothing.” Jade nudges her shoulder, and Kit can’t help the giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “I’m here for you, Kit. I won’t leave.”

And Kit wonders what she did in all her past lives to deserve to have Jade in her life. She stares at her friend, a beautiful soft expression on her face.

Kit is so lucky to have her.

“You wouldn’t, would you?” Kit mumbles, feels almost shy and ridiculous for bursting out like that.

Jade shakes her head, “Let’s head back inside. I think I saw them setting up the shuriken stands.” She gets up and pulls Kit with her.

“You just love losing, don’t you?” Kit finds it within herself to tease.

Jade chuckles, “Ohhh, we’ll see about that.”

Kit was lying to herself, or she was simply lost in the bubble that was Jade. Now that they’ve eaten and she had some water, and that meeting with Willow has concluded, her hangover is slowly but surely creeping on her. She won’t tell Jade though. She doesn’t exactly feel like being told off right now, too happy and in bliss to want to ruin it.

Being with Jade felt easier than breathing. She feels like everything and nothing has changed, simultaneously. She wishes she could talk to Airk right now. Tell him that she finally told Jade how she feels, tell him that Jade feels the same, she wants to yell it out into the world just so it can feel real that Jade, her Jade, loves her.

They’re currently packing up their things, occasionally giving each other shy smiles that sends Kit’s body aflame. She loves this newness she feels with Jade. This thing that feels alive between them. She wants to watch it grow and nurture it, take care of it like the precious thing it is. She’s almost impatient with how much she wants it.

Jade holds Ballentine’s pistol up, and Kit watches her swallow and strap the thing on her.

There aren’t any shy smiles after that.

They make their way outside the room, and Kit is almost sad leaving the room where they were finally able to get their shit together. And also sad to see the bed go, but mostly the first part.

Kit still feels drunk, like she can’t believe it. She spent months convincing herself that Jade doesn’t love her like that. So, to throw all that convincing away isn’t as easy as she tries to make it out to be. A small voice in the back of her head tries to convince her that she manipulated Jade into saying what she said, that even if she loved her, she was manipulated into it in order to keep their friendship. Especially with the way she stormed off last night, practically begging Jade to follow her and confess.

She takes a deep breath as they make their way through the dusty tunnels again. She tells that voice to shut up, and squeezes the handle on her backpack that she’s swinging in her hand.

Mims is somewhere bringing Shimmer out front. They say their goodbyes, Jade and Willow speak for a moment, and Kit sees Jade’s glassy eyes as they move through the exit tunnels. Jade scrunches up her nose as she moves through the tight tunnels, and Kit wants to hold her hand, but she knows that’ll only make Jade claustrophobia worse. They can see the vine covered exit now, and she hears Jade release a breath.

She hears Mims and Shimmer before she sees them, “Hey, girl!” Jade preens at the horse, rubbing behind her ear, making Kit smile at the sight. “Thank you for taking care of her.” She says towards Mims.

“Of course, she’s an angel.” Mims replies, handing the lead rope to Kit.

“She really is,” Kit says.

“We’ll be off, then,” Jade says, with a sigh. “Thank you for letting us stay again. You have no idea how much you’ve helped us.”

“Well you’re welcome. Seriously, visit on your way back.” Mims gives them a smile and a nod, stepping into the cave entrance. “Seriously, you owe me a round at the target stands,” she says this pointedly at Kit.

“You got it,” Kit says, with a wink.

Mims chuckles, “Be safe.”

Then she disappears into the mountain.

Kit meets Jade’s eyes, in which prompts them into matching grins. “Come on,” Jade says, almost shyly. “Daylight’s awaiting.”

A few days of riding and walking pass, and they’re close. A week or so away from Seattle. Jade’s been spending thirty minutes of their evenings working out and pushing her weight around. A good way to stay warm, she says. Sometimes Kit joins, feeling the burn of her muscles, but mostly, she just watches Jade with a stupid smirk on.

Then, they’d share Jade’s sleeping bag, which is another, better Kit thinks, way to stay warm. She’s almost ashamed how they didn’t think of it sooner, even if they didn’t confess. It’s practical.

Kit rests her head on Jade’s chest because Jade likes to sleep on her back, and Kit wraps her arms around the other girl’s waist. Content and bundled, Jade waits for Kit to fall asleep before she gets up to stand watch. Kit misses her like a knife to the gut when she leaves the warmth of the sleeping bag. Had told her to stay one night, and Jade just chuckled and said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

A few days pass, and Kit thinks she could be woken up like this for the rest of her life and she’d be the happiest mother fucker alive.

Jade is peppering kissing all over her face, whispering for her to wake up.

The blue tinge in their surroundings is filtering through her vision as Kit opens her eyes, dawn welcoming with open arms. Bird chirp around them, reaping through the calmness that usually accompanies this time of day. They’ve camped under an overhang just on the edge of a random town.

Jade leans back, a small smile spreading across freckled cheeks, one that Kit simply has to reciprocate. Jade leans over and presses a kiss to Kit’s forehead, “Morning, sleepyhead.”

Jade’s voice is low but there is a teasing lilt to it that warms Kit’s heart. Slowly but surely, her Jade is coming back.

Kit noticed, when it was her time to stand watch, that Jade barely stirred in her sleep last night. She woke up earlier than intended with a gasp, but other than that, Jade seemed to have finally gotten some actual rest.

“Morning…” Kit, to her credit, at least pretends to be grumpy.

She never could be if she’s being woken up like this.

She feels Jade’s fingers run through her hair, and hums in contentment as she closes her eyes. “Seems like it’s gotten tangled since we left Nelwyn. How about we brush these out, hm?”

Kit lifts a brow as she watches Jade stand up. “It’s not that bad.”

“No, of course not,” Jade says, holding a hand out. “But it’ll be relaxing.”

Kit could never say no to Jade when she’s smiling like that. She takes the offered hand and lets Jade lead her to a stump a few meters where they set up camp for the night. Jade takes a seat on the stump, and Kit lowers herself down in front of her, bracketing her head with her thighs.

Kit obliges quietly, still sleepy and enjoying Jade’s comforting touches. Kit sees the small container of water by the stump and the wooden brush in Jade’s hand. Kit relaxes and closes her eyes; the peaceful atmosphere feels almost sacred.

Jade begins running the brush softly through her hair, untangling as gently as she could. Kit almost want to tell her to rip through them, that Kit’s hair is used to her rough brushing every morning, but she knows that’s not what Jade wants.

“You know, your hair’s one of the first things I noticed about you when I first met you.” Jade says, and Kit can’t help but chuckle at how unexpected the statement is. “It was! It’s so soft and lovely.”

“You’re soft and lovely,” Kit says, chuckling at her cheesiness.

“Oh God,” Jade says, but Kit can hear her smile and feels the gentle kiss at the crown of her head.

Kit can feel herself relax and melt, can’t help but think that she belongs right here. Safely tucked between Jade’s thighs with gentle hands working through her tangles.

Jade takes the opportunity to pepper her with more kisses, each one places delicately all over. “You’re so beautiful, Kit.”

Kit feels her cheeks heat up, “Only because you take such good care of me.” She’s teasing but her chest is about to explode, a warmth spread across her skin.

Jade hums behind her, then with her fingers, she ensures all tangles are gone. She’s pushing all of Kit’s hair back. “Let me look at you.”

Kit leans her head back, looking at Jade upside down and smiling. Jade smiles back and leans down to capture Kit’s lips. Kit melts into the kiss, and as soon as it happens, it’s over. “There, all done!” Jade says, resting her hands on Kit’s shoulder, lightly messaging it. “We should do this more often. Help you relax.”

“As long as I get kisses, I’m down.” Kit gives Jade an award-winning smile. Jade rolls her eyes fondly. “Alright, alright.” Kit gets up from the ground and turns to Jade, gesturing to the ground. “Come on, your turn.”

Jade raises a brow, but doesn’t move. “My turn?”

“Yeah, I’ll help you.” Kit straighten her shirt. “What do you want? braids?”

“Uhhh,” Jade looks around. “We need to leave soon.”

“Oh, come on, Jade.” Kit says, holding the other girl’s hand. “You know I’ve gotten better.”

Kit’s actually gotten a lot better. She first asked Jade to teach her how to do her hair when Kit was fourteen and impatient with how long Jade would be gone to get her hair done at Scorpia’s. And though Jade tried her best to not complain that first time Kit tried to braid her hair, by the second hour, Jade held her hand and told her it’s okay. When Kit insisted, Jade had to admit that Kit made her scalp so sensitive that if she continues to touch it, Jade would cry. Kit felt so bad, but it made her more determined to get it right. It was only a few months later that Jade agreed to let her try again. Jade couldn’t completely relax through it until a few months ago.

Jade chuckles at that. “And I’m sure you have.”

“Let me do this for you, please?!” Kit insists.

Jade sighs, “Fine,” She slumps down. “Yeah, then, just pull it up in a ponytail.”

“Ponytail, coming right up.” Kit gives Jade’s crown a kiss before she begins wetting Jade’s hair to detangle.

Kit tries to not be totally offended by Jade’s stiff shoulder practically rising to her ears as Kit slowly brushes Jade’s hair, very gently and softly, might she add. She loves the feeling of having Jade’s curls between her fingers, and she spent an embarrassing amount of time being gentler just so she could feel it between her fingers again. She collects her thick hair and ties it with a hair tie securely.

“My pretty girl,” Kit says, giving Jade’s head a final kiss. She freezes momentarily before getting up from the stump. She hopes the possessive language doesn’t throw Jade off. She couldn’t help the word slip, feeling it deep in her bones. “See, you just had to believe in me.”

“I do believe in you,” Jade says, running her fingers through her ponytail.

“Riiight.” Kit says, with a chuckle.

“It feels good, but does it look good?” Jade says, running her fingers through the back.

“Of course, it looks good,” Kit says, slightly appalled that it’s even a question. She begins to wiggle her fingers. “These are magic fingers. Plus, you trained me well.”

“Who knew that if I gave you a chance you’d make so many innuendos.” Jade says, faking a scandalized voice, picking up the can of water.

“You knew who I am when you met me.” Kit flashes Jade a smirk that Jade kisses right off. Kit tries to deepen it, but Jade pushes her off gently.

“Come on, we’re already late.”

“Just say you hate me.” Kit pouts.

Tonight’s no different. The girl is wrapped around Jade, each silent in their own thoughts. Jade thinks of that day, as she always does, and begins recollecting the faces of everyone there like it’s a nighttime lullaby.

“You’re heart’s beating really fast.” Kit mumbles against her.

“Sorry.” Jade almost whispers.

They’re out of the woods, and are sleeping in an abandoned shack. So, Jade’s counting cracks tonight rather than stars.

“Don’t be sorry,” Kit lifts her head, and looks down at Jade. “Tell me what’s up.”

“Nothing,” Jade says, truthfully. Truly, nothing’s wrong. Or rather, everything’s wrong but that’s nothing new. “Just thinking about that night.”

Jade can see it on Kit’s face, even as she nods. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, then she’s playing with Jade’s collar and looking down. “I don’t know how to help. If it’s something that I can shoot and kill, I would. But this…it doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s all I wanna do, Jade. Help. I’m sorry I suck at it.”

“Hey,” Jade says softly. “Hey, you help. A lot.”

Kit looks at her earnestly.

“Really, I…can’t do this without you.” Jade says, then she leaning up to kiss her, Kit meeting her halfway immediately. “You’re all I need.”

Kit smiles softly at that. “You’re all I need, too. You’re all I ever wanted.”

Jade smirks, “Me too.”

Kit rests back down. “Your heart’s still beating really fast.”

“We just kissed, Kit. Give me a minute.”

Kit chuckles at that, but doesn’t say anything else. They’re both lulled to sleep by the sudden sound of rain outside, and Jade’s immensely grateful they’ve found this shack.

The skyline of the city surpasses the massive gate looming in front of them.

“Well,” Kit looks at what lays in front of them. A large metal gate surrounds the city in front of them. The words “Order of the Wyrm” is painted all over the metal, announcing the occupants of the city. They’re hunched by a car, careful not to get detected should there be patrol out here. By the eerie quiet that surrounds this place, Kit doesn’t think so. “That looks like a powered gate to me.”

Jade tilts her head adorably and squints her eyes. Then, her face relaxes. “There,” She points with her chin, and looks at Kit. “Generator.”

“Great,” Kit says, spotting a sleek panel at the center of the gate, a keypad sitting prominently on top of it. “Know the password?” Kit asks, a teasing smile on her lips.

Jade rolls her eyes, “We’ll find it. Let’s look around.”

She and Jade split to search the area. Kit drifts slowly to right of the gate, making sure she stays hidden and out of sight. She takes a deep breath, looks back at Jade who has taken the left side, and emerges from the comfort of shield. If anyone was here, they’d heard something by now. As she moves closer to the gate, she, ironically, finds the lookout on the left side of the gate high above. She finds the moment that Jade does too. Jade signals her to be quiet, and she begins climbing the ladder quiet as a mouse. Kit feels her skin tingle as she watches Jade go out of sight. Once she does, Kit follows. She’s not about to sit and watch Jade get herself killed. Kit has never been much for stealth, but she’s trained enough to at least know which movement produces the least amount of noise.

She damns it all when she hears struggle up above.

She bursts through the door of the outlook to find a man reaching for a device and Jade lunging forward, grabbing the man in a headlock. Jade grabs the device with her free hand and breaks it against the table in front of him. “Nice try,” she hisses, tightening her grip. “What’s the code to the gate?”

Kit watches in a mix of admiration and fear. Her movements were swift and decisive, and Kit almost forgot that Jade was selected to be the youngest Sergeant in Tir Asleen for a reason.

The man struggles against Jade, “Like I’d tell you, crazy bitch!”

“Tell me!” Jade growls, holding him in place. “Or I swear—”

In pure desperation, Kit watches the man grab a knife clipped to his belt. Kit is quick, too. Grabbing the weapon and throwing it across the room.

Jade leans in against the man’s ear. “Last chance,” she warns, her voice sending shivering down Kit’s spine. She wouldn’t really…would she? “Give me the code.”

But the man continues to shake his head, his face is covered with a cloth but Kit can see the beads of sweat on his forehead. “I will not—”

With her patience snapped, Jade releases her grip on him just enough to position her arm, and with a swift movement, she strikes. His head snaps with a sickening crunch that has Kit tumbling backwards.

He crumbles to the ground, and Jade stands over him, panting and watching. Fierce resolve in her eyes.

Kit feels like she needs a minute. “Fuck…” Kit whispers out, a hand to her beating heart.  

Her eyes meet Kit’s, unyielding. “He wouldn’t have told us.”

“Then why did you—”

She holds up a piece of paper, and Kit knows she has the code. And she can’t find it in herself to be thrilled about it.

“It had to be done.” Jade merely says, her voice detached. “He’s one of them.”

Kit looks at the man’s body. The reality of their situation dawning on her.

“We need to go,” Jade’s voice makes her flinch, and Kit looks back at the love of her life. She’s collecting ammo and weapons. Kit begins to help, robotically. They need to get out of here. Of this damn room.

When she stands straight, her breathing still labored, she feels Jade’s hand on her cheek. “Are you okay?”

Kit just nods.

“Okay, let’s move.”

It’s a blur, finding shimmer again, looking over the paper that has many gate codes, Jade turning on the generator and telling Kit to input the code in the matches with the gate number.

Kit knew this would happen eventually. Killing someone that’s not actively trying to kill you. But no amount of mental preparation could have prepared her to feel this shitty about it.

It’s the world they live in, she supposes. She has to be okay with it to survive. To be with Jade out here.

For a pulsating moment, nothing happens. Then the relief of hearing the gate emit a slow mechanical whir wash over her. The panel responding to the code, the steel gate began sliding open, revealing the city beyond. She turns to Jade, who turns back to her. She can’t read her expression, but Kit knows they’re due for a talk.

For now, they step in.

Chapter Text

The entry to the city is towered by destructed, tall buildings that was typical to Seattle, Boorman told Jade in one of their brainstorming sessions. The cityscape loomed before them, like threatening monsters that is ready to consume them whole and spit them out. Jade hates it. Kit tightens her grip on Shimmer’s reins from behind her, Jade’s action still lingering in the way the girl’s gripping onto the horse.

The statues Mims mentioned were huge, and looks oddly placed compared to its surroundings. Obviously built after the outbreak, and obviously for whoever this Wyrm is. The stonework is intricate, deliberate. Each stone features carved faces displaying array of emotions, some portrayed sorrow so well that Jade could feel it emanating off the stone, some are so angry she felt her heart leap at the prospect of the stone lurching at her, others were shown worshiping, eyes held up at the sky above so devoutly Jade half expected the Wyrm to be there, smiling down at his subjects. It made Jade look up at how believable it is.

“Ominous,” Kit mumbles into the silent street. The area looks overrun by nature, the statues littered about are definitely man-made and by the looks of it, only around ten years old.

“Creepy,” Jade agrees.

She doesn’t like the silence, and she expected the city to have less infected than the area surrounding it, but still. There should be something.

Jade looks around, hand on his pistol, channeling him as her eyes scan for any life, or death, she guesses.

“Can you believe we’re actually here?” Kit whispers, and Jade tries not to cringe at the echoing sound of Shimmer’s hooves.

“No,” Jade replies, her own voice barely above a whisper. “It feels weird.”

As they enter the city further, the statues become more sporadic and the actual city of Seattle begins to emerge. Abandoned cars, shattered window, broken down stores, graffiti marked walls, obvious signs that this is a regular city, not some dimension she and Kit were dragged into, shedding the creepiness that settled underneath Jade’s skin. It’s relieving to see.

“Where are we going, Jade?” Kit leans close, Jade ignores the heat that runs down her body. She needs to be focused, and being distracted by Kit’s closeness isn’t going to do them any good.

Luckily, she spots it before she could tell Kit to stop distracting her. “There,” she points with her head, and Kit leads without question. It is a music store, broken into and almost emptied, but it was secluded, and a good place to settle for the night. Jade didn’t like the looks of the clouds outside.

They drop down from Shimmer, and Kit ties her to a wooden pole in the corner of the first floor. Kit looks around, a glimmer in her eyes that warms Jade’s heart. Kit has always loved music, ever since she was a kid begging her parents to get her a guitar, only for them to be beaten by Jade who gave it to her on her fifteenth birthday. It still sits in the corner of her room, loved and used by the girl.

“Oh, how cool,” Kit mumbles, looking around. Her eyes land on the dusty table lined with old vinyl’s. “Look at these!”

Jade follows her around like a lovesick puppy, a soft smile on her face as she watches Kit go through the pile.

“Look,” She holds one up. “Remember when I made you listen to this?”

“Catfish and the Bottlemen?” Jade reads, eyeing the black cover with the parrot drinking out of a straw. “Oh, yeah.”

“You’re lying,” Kit rolls her eyes, still holding it up for Jade.

“No, I remember. What was it?” Jade scrunches her nose, thinking, a smile stretching her face, before she starts singing. “When I think about it, everything about it, that’s led me up your drive again…”

“Saying I…should be everything you want.” Kit finishes the lyrics with her. They giggle ridiculously. “Good, cause I loved those moments with you.” Kit says, trying so hard not to smile it makes Jade want to grab her face and kiss her senseless.

But Jade hesitates, like she usually did.

It was so easy to kiss her that day they confessed, and a few days after that, but Jade is calculating each time she initiated and each time feels like she doesn’t deserve it. Like she doesn’t deserve to be kissing Kit and loving Kit. Kit, who has given up everything to come with here. Jade doesn’t think Kit deserves to be repaid with measly kisses. She deserves so much more. So much better. So, Jade hesitates, and lets Kit take the rein because Jade is too scared to let go completely.

Jade just smiles back, “Come on, let’s go see what else is here.”

They move about, showing each other little instruments and CDs and other contents that scream of the old world. They also find useful things like ammo and a Shorty that Tom would have loved.

Then Kit finds an acoustic guitar, strums a few strings before holding it fully, playing a small tune.

Jade smiles, crossing her arms and leaning by the door. “I haven’t heard you play in so long.”

Kit only smiles before she starts playing, then slowly, she starts singing, “Goaded flames with winds cause she’s my sail,” she looks down at the strings and smiles bashfully, her voice soft and low. She says the next part looking at Jade, “Just one glance across has made me reel.”

Jade quietly sits down, looking up at the most beautiful picture she’s ever seen. Kit hunched over a guitar, a flush to her cheeks, her brown locks messily draped on her forehead.

“Flight, a leap of faith but now I’ve wings.” Kit looks at the wall facing her, like she’s remembering the guitar lessons from Boorman. “Floating up to face the grace she brings.” She is now looking at her as she sings the last word, and abruptly stops. “This song always reminded me of you,” she mumbles, her voice low. “I didn’t fully understand why, not really, not the way I do now, but…” Kit shrugs, still keeping her gaze on Jade. “I felt it all the same.”

Jade looks down, can’t help the smile that stretches her lips, overwhelmed with the full force of Kit’s emotions. Almost dizzy with it, as she always is when Kit gives her complete attention to her. Jade looks down, Kit clears her throat, and starts again. “Caught my breath upon your words, found my feet in your verse, all these wrongs that I have done, have come unstuck under the sun.”

Kit smiles down at her, a full-fledged smile that beautifully displays her dimple that Jade loves so much. Kit frowns a bit with effort as she sings the next part, eyes back on the strings, “Slow the shadows peel from my skin. God knows the hallowed fields she’s let me in. Brave the breaking waves you say you’ve swum. Steal ourselves as slaves until we’re none.”

She stops again, rests her chin on her guitar, and looks down at Jade, her face earnest as she says, “I love you, Jade.”

Jade feels like she’s been whiplashed like the first time she’s said it.

“Even if I’m killing random people?” Jade mutters, looking down as she gets up, a dry chuckle lacing her words. Jade guesses she’s not completely over it.

Kit doesn’t so much smile at her words, she puts the guitar down and looks up, “I was surprised, yes.” Kit says, voice still low. “I’m not an idiot, though, I knew what I was getting myself into. It was just hard, I guess, seeing you like that.”

Jade nods, she understands. She really does. Kit is not like her, she hasn’t been outside Tir Asleen, and the only people she’s killed were raiders who were actively trying to kill her and everyone around her. “I get it.” Jade says back. “This isn’t going to get easier, Kit.”

Kit’s eyes harden, “You didn’t let me finish.” She gets up, and looks Jade dead in the eyes as she says, “Jade, if I had my father’s killers tied to a chair, I’d do worse.”

They sleep a full night holding each other.

Jade is sitting with Ballentine, who is quieter than usual. He’s reading a book he’s read a million times over, and Jade’s fixing the strings of the guitar Ballentine got her when she was fifteen. She isn’t one for instruments but she knows someone who is. She finally found all the tools she needed a year later, but Jade’s not complaining.

The strings she found last, well, made last. Ballentine finally found a couple of wires out on Patrol that she was able to shape into perfect strings. The top of the guitar was mostly ripped off when Ballentine found this thing, now a nicely polished wood that Jade darkened with coffee, then black tea when that wasn’t dark enough. She then proceeded to get yelled at for wasting resources. It looks mismatched, and quite frankly hideous in Jade’s opinion, but it stuck to the rest of the guitar and that was all Jade could ask for.

“Everything okay?” Jade asks as casually as she can, not really looking at Ballentine.

Ballentine hums, still keeping his eyes on the book.

“I know you’re not reading that book for the hundredth time, Ballentine.” Jade says, stopping her fidgeting with the guitar and looking at the man. “What’s wrong?”

Frantic knocking on the door makes Jade jump. Her head whips to the door, then back to Ballentine. He looks back to her with an unreadable expression. “It’s Kit.”

Jade frowns, wondering how the hell would he have known that. But just the mention of the other girl’s name has her running to the door. The sight that greets her has her heart plummeting to her stomach, Jade just now noticing how M.I.A the girl has been all day. “Kit?”

Kit’s face is red, cheeks eyes lips nose, all of it. It sends Jade into a spiral as she watches the girl take a heaving breath and Jade runs to her, holds her up as Kit sinks her whole body into her and lets out a heaving sob, “Jade…”

Her voice is broken, torn. Like she’s been screaming. Jade notices the people around the house begin turning their way, and Jade knows Kit would hate for anyone else to see her like this. She slowly drags them inside, Kit barely holding her own weight. Jade can see Ballentine standing and she gestures for him to stay.

With the sobbing girl against, Jade walks them to her room. Jade is immensely grateful that her room is on the first floor at the moment.

She tries to quell her worry, million scenarios run through her head, all gut wrenching as the next.

“I’m here. I’m here, Kit.” She doesn’t force her to speak, making it a priority to calm her first. She sets them down on her bed, Kit immediately holding onto the other girl. She can feel how soaked her shirt is becoming, which only twists her heart more. “I’m here.”

She mumbles reassurances to the other girl’s hair until her sobs turn to wet hiccups that tear at Jade’s heart.

“Kit?” Jade prompts.

The girl leans away from Jade’s neck and finally sits straight. She looks at her for a minute, and Jade feels like losing her mind. “My dad…” She starts, but then a sob erupts through her throat. Jade mumbles a ‘Fuck’. Jade guessed as much. Only a handful of people get this sort of reaction from her. “He—” Kit tries again. “Oh God—Jade, he didn’t get back from his patrol this morning.”

Jade’s heart feels like it could beat out of her body at any moment. She wrapped her arms around Kit, feeling the pain radiating off of her like it was a solid thing, palpable and real. “Shit,” she whispers, “I’m so sorry, Kit.”

Kit buries her face into her shoulder, and Jade wracks her brain on how to take this pain away from her best friend, wishes for a way to convince Kit that everything would be okay, but she couldn’t lie to her, not with the uncertainty weighing heavily on them both.

“He was supposed to be back. He was supposed to be back with Boorman.” Kit says, weakly. Then she moves to look Jade in the eye, face contorted in anger. “Why the fuck does Boorman get to come back but not him?”

Jade doesn’t answer her. She lets out a sigh of relief for her sister. She’s grateful for Boorman’s return, of course, but she doesn’t know if she could handle two of the most important people in her life grieving their loved ones. It would kill her.

“Shhh,” Jade murmurs, rubbing Kit’s back, feeling the tense muscles. “We still don’t know anything. It’s too early to—”

“I can’t lose him, Jade.” Kit interrupts, bottom lip shaking. “He’s my dad, what am I supposed to do without him?”

“Don’t give up just yet,” Jade says, firmly but still as gently as she could. “I’m here. We’ll figure this out together. I will never leave your side.”

Kit’s eyes are filled with raw emotion. Fear, desperation, helplessness, and if Jade is to wish, love. “Promise?”

“I promise. I’m always going to be by your side.” Jade says, fingers reaching up to caress her cheek, heart swelling as she watches her lean against her hand. “We’ll find out what happened.”

Kit nods, but Jade can see the doubt still lingering in her gaze. “Thank you, Jade. For being here. For being the best friend.”

Jade doesn’t know where the hell else she would ever be.

Kit leans forwards, wrapping her arm around Jade. “I wish your room had a door of its own.”

“I’ll be sure to ask for that, Princess.”

When Kit pulls away, she drops a kiss to Jade’s cheek. It sends a flare all over Jade’s body that she’s sure Kit can feel. Kit shyly looks away. “I’m going to go search for him at first light…” Kit leads.

Jade nods, “I’ll be there.”

Kit looks at her then, really looks at her, and Jade feels like her heart is about to leap out of her chest. Jade’s body almost tingles with the attention of Kit’s eyes, her brain roaring for her to go for it.

But now is not the time.

Jade doesn’t know when is the right time. She thinks never, sometimes, and breaks her own heart simultaneously.

Kit leans in again, wrapping her body all over Jade. And Jade pretends like it doesn’t break her heart a little knowing how different this means to Kit than to her. She doesn’t protest, though, she lets the girl take and take and take.

They sleep intertwined that night, unable to let each other go, even if their sleep were interrupted by Kit waking up every hour.

That morning they would go look for Madmartigan, and the next morning, and the morning after that. Traces of the man were wiped, never to be found. Kit only agreeing to stop a year later once she realized it was no use.

Jade watches the girl she loves mourn her father’s death each day they walk back through Tir Asleen’s gate, holding each other up.

They’re packing up the next morning in silence, anxiety clawing its way into Kit in anticipation for what’s the come. She should be relieved that they made it here in once piece, but Kit has another, very real thing to worry about now that they’re in the city.

She can’t let Jade die.  

Kit knows Jade like the back of her hand, and knows that she’ll do anything to avenge Ballentine, even if it meant killing herself in the process. It’s part of why Kit didn’t even think twice about coming with her. Kit will keep Jade safe if it’s the last thing she does.

Kit’s nose scrunches as she puts on her jacket. “We need to find a stream or something soon. We stink.”

“Way to love me unconditionally.” Jade teases, a bright smile on her face.  

Kit rolls her eyes, “You don’t see me running to opposite end of the city to escape that awful, downright rancid—”

“Alright, alright,” Jade laughs. “We’ll find a stream.”

Kit laughs too at her exaggeration. Truth is that everything smells so bad they don’t even notice it anymore.

As they unbridle Shimmer, Kit asks, “So, what’s the plan?”

Jade attaches their things onto Shimmer’s harness, “We need to find somebody, get them to talk…”

Kit knows Jade is watching her for a reaction, and Kit hopes that her freak-out moment yesterday doesn't mean that Jade doesn’t trust her to go through with their plan.

Because Kit is. She’ll do anything to bring peace of mind for Jade.

“Alright,” Kit merely says, saddling up and riding up, a hand down to help Jade up, “My lady.”

Jade smiles up at her, and Kit’s chest bursts. She remembers the first time she’s seen Jade’s smile, fully and without restraint. Her little nine-year-old self was mesmerized then, and she’s been mesmerized ever since.

They move out of the music store quietly, observing their even quieter surroundings for a moment before moving forwards into the city. Kit notices that the statues return, but they’re broken and vandalized. “What the fuck is going on in this city?” She whispers to Jade.

Jade doesn’t respond, scanning the area, and Kit can almost see her ears perk up like a cat. Jade opens her map, and sighs. “We need a city map.”

Kit looks around, and points, “We’ll find it…there?”

Seattle public library.

Jade follows her eyesight. “Worth a shot.”

Up above them, they see a green sign with Downtown Seattle on it. It makes Kit nervous, shouldn’t this place be packed?

They steer Shimmer in the library’s direction, it’s weirdly shaped, mostly steel and glass that Kit could see, and angular in its edges. She hates it, but it’ll for sure have a map of the city.

By the entrance, they jump off Shimmer, and lead her in. The area is fairly large, engulfed by nature with high ceilings. The sun is shining through the glass not covered by plants, illuminating the space in subtle light. They’re careful where they step, the glass littered and shimmering against the sunlight. “This place feels like a trap,” Jade mumbles, and Kit has to agree. The place feels too exposed. “Stay here with Shimmer,” Jade says, then points towards the higher levels above, “I’ll go look for an office or something. You look around down here.”

Kit nods, ties Shimmer, and begins to wander around the lower bookshelves. It’s dusty, crawling with bugs and leaves and vines have reclaimed all assets in this place, but Kit still looks between the remaining books. Jade might actually like some of them and then will proceed to lock herself in her room to finish them and then force Ballentine to read it to discuss it with him.

Kit’s heart twists as she realizes.

Jade won’t have anyone to discuss books with her anymore.

“Fuck.”

She wonders if looking at these shelves is reminding her of him, if they are reminders that truly everything is lost.

Before Kit could spiral more, she moves on to other shelves.

She’s not reading book synopsis anymore. That not why they’re here.

The library is silent in a way that makes the hairs on the back of Kit’s neck stand. It should be peaceful, the quiet, but it is anything but. Kit’s heart raced as she moved through the towering shelves, the scent of old paper wafting through her nose.

By the time Kit reaches the other side of the bookshelves, she senses it. The feeling of being watched.  

A soft rustle draws her eyes to the back of the room. From the corner of her eyes, she’s able to make out and sense the infected lurking around her. A Stalker, if she could guess, by the sounds of their movement and skittishness.

Kit freezes, hands immediately grabbing her pistol, and finger on the trigger. She moves silently, not wanting to alert Shimmer on the other side of the library, or Jade busy upstairs looking for something they absolutely need.

No, Kit can take down one Stalker, easy, 

 The sound of rustle grows closer, louder, sending a chill down Kit’s spine and alerting her to stand ready.

A low, guttural growl followed from the aisles in front of her, Kit refusing to turn her back on the thing to run.

“Come at me, mother fucker.” Kit hisses out, anger surging through her at the back and forth.

Heart pounding, Kit ducks behind a shelf, feeling it behind her. She swallows, and peers around the edge, breath hitching as she sees it. A grotesque creature, decayed skin and fungal growth on one side of its face. It’s kneeling, waiting to pounce.

Then its head tilts, as if sensing something, sensing Kit.

Kit had to act, and act now. “Hey!”

The stalker’s head snaps in her direction, then lunges forward towards her, following her voice. Kit bolts away, but holds up her gun, and fires at it. It lands on its shoulders and neck.

She hears Jade call for her, but Kit doesn’t turn to look at her. She shoots at its head until it stumbles, before Kit could celebrate her victory, she hears more shuffling coming from the back of the library. “Jade! Stalkers!”

Three infected lunge at her, and Kit fires as she moves back. She knows Jade has reached her even if she doesn’t take her eyes off the three attacking infected. They approach too quickly, and Kit thinks this might be it.

She’s getting bitten, and Jade will lose everything.

At her final resolve, Kit gives it her all as she begins to shoot at all three, aiming for their heads. If she’s going to die, she’s at least going to take a few down with her, give Jade a better chance of surviving.

One in particular comes too close, and Jade screams, putting herself between Kit and the stalker.

“No!” Kit yells back. 

Jade shoots it in the head. It stumbles to the ground, and in three swift movements, Kit recovers and takes down the other two.

Heavy breathing is all they hear as the place quiets down again. Kit bends in the middle, catching her breath.

She really thought she was done for.

“Are there anymore?”

“I can’t hear anything.” Kit replies, standing tall again and looking at Jade. “Maybe we should—”

Her words are stuck in her throat as her eyes land on Jade’s hand.

The blood that’s seeping from a—is that a bite?

Kit chokes.

The bite—

No no no no no no

“Jade—” Kit chokes out, and then gasps, begging for oxygen.

Jade follows Kit’s eyesight, and mumbles, “Oh…”

“No…” Kit whimpers, stumbles forward towards her love, eyes unable to leave the wound. “Jade, no…NO! Please, no! Please please please tell me that's not real!”

“Kit, wait—”

Kit chokes out a sob, hand on her mouth. She feels dizzy. “Oh God, oh GOD! No, Jade! No! Please!”

“Kit, please, there might be more—”

“I don’t care! You’re bit—Oh I can’t breathe!”

“Hey, hey, listen to me,” Jade moves towards her, holds her head between her palms. And Kit’s world tilts off its axis.

She’s losing her.

She’s losing Jade.

She’s a mess of tears and snot and sobs, and she’s losing Jade.

“Please, Jade, I can’t live without you. That’s not real—”

“Hey! Kit! Stop!” Jade yells, eyes drilling into Kit.

She’s shaking so much, she can’t breathe—

“Don’t tell me to stop! It’s not real it’s not real it’s NOT!”

She hears the stalkers again.

“We have to run,” Jade says, looking behind herself. “Can you run, Kit?”

Kit shakes her head, another sob wracking her whole body. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake—”

Suddenly, a sharp slap ripples through her cheeks that brings her back.

“You have GOT to get it together, are you with me?!” 

Kit stops crying but she’s confused.

Did Jade just slap her?

Jade is tugging at her, moving her, albeit slowly because Kit can't move her legs. “KIT! Can you run?!”

“Y—Yes! Yes!”

She doesn’t wait for more, she grabs Kit’s arms fully and moves her to the entrance where Shimmer is tied. He’s freaked out, his whites showing, but Kit can’t think properly. She’s being moved around like a doll. Her mind racing as Jade gets them out and Kit spends the entire ride letting out pathetic whimpers.

She wants to tell Jade to take her back.

To let them bite her, too.

To let them take her away too.

She and Jade can be all poetic and shit and lose their minds together.

She wants it to end. Now.

She can’t bear it. She won’t bear it.

She won’t.

Kit looks at the hand holding Shimmer’s reins, and she lets out a particularly harsh sob, wet and disgusting.

The bite is red, and irritated.

Jade is bitten.

“This is all my fault,” She mumbles. “This is all my fault.”

Jade shushes her, “Please, Kit, stop. Look we’re almost there. We’re almost back.”

Kit doesn’t listen to her, continues to cry.

She’s the one who pointed out the library. She’s the one the stalkers were attacking. She’s the one Jade took the bite for.

That bite was meant for her. Why the fuck did Jade step in?

How could Jade do this to her? Did she think Kit would survive mourning her?

She wouldn’t. Kit knows she wouldn’t.

Before she could shove herself off Shimmer and run back and reclaim the bite she deserves, they’re back in the music store.

Kit is so numb. Doesn’t remember how they got back here. She just remembers Jade helping her down.

Kit’s knees buckles, sending herself to the ground in a heap. Kit feels the tears streaming still, and she wants to break everything in this room just like her broken heart.

She wants to smash and smash and smash and curse her twisted luck.

But Kit can’t move, it’s like her muscles are frozen.

Fuck.

She barely registers Jade in front of her. Jade is talking but Kit can’t hear a thing, she’s studying Jade.

Beautiful, amazing Jade that brings so much joy for Kit.

She’s here, and she’s talking and she’s alive!

How can she be anything else?

“Kit, please listen to me!” Jade says, lightly tapping her cheeks. “I’m begging you!”

“Jade…” Her voice is hoarse, an embarrassment.

“Yes, I’m here, I need you to listen to me, okay?” Jade says, eyes determined. “I’ll be fine. I’m immune. I’ll be fine!”

“How are you going to be fine?!” Kit practically screams. God, her ears are ringing. “You’re—”

She can’t even say it.

“Kit, this is my third time getting bit.” Jade says, and Kit pulls away from her.

“What?” Kit whispers.

What is she talking about?

“I’m immune.” Jade says, “I wasn’t lying to you before.”

Immune?

Immune?

To the bite?

How is that possible?

It’s—it’s not possible…is it?

Kit just sits there, in her own spiral, eyes finding the bite, then a bit above it.

“The chemical burn…” Kit whimpers out, eyes looking at the scarred skin, remembering that morning in Nelwyn. Oh, she was so happy that morning. Kit wants to cry all over again.

Jade nods, “That’s right. I was bitten when I was six with Anne, then eight with…him,” she looks down at her own arm. “That’s this one. And now’s my third time. I never turned. Never even gotten a fever. I’ll be alright, Kit. I promise.”

Kit lets out a weak whimper, a sob that is wanting a release.

This is too much. Too much. “What does that mean?!” Kit practically cries out.

Jade holds Kit’s head again. “It means I can’t—won’t—get infected. Do you understand me? I won’t get infected.”

Kit looks back at the bite, then Jade’s determined eyes. “You won’t?”

“I promise.”

Kit stays quiet, just stares at Jade in disbelief.

“Okay?”

Kit stares.

“I need you to say it, Kit.” Jade says.

Kit nods once, then lets out a weak, “Okay.”

Kit takes a lungful of air, trying to breathe in the scent of Jade, trying to reassure her body that Jade isn’t going anywhere. That she’s, apparently, immune.

Jade nods back, gets up and inspects her hand, “I can’t get you infected, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Kit frowns. It was not what she was worried about.

“Can’t make you immune either.” Jade says, looking back at her. “B—Ballentine and Sorsha are the only ones who know.” Jade murmurs, not really looking at Kit. “Knew.”

Kit focuses on the way she struggled to get his name out and the fact that it’s the first time she’s said it since his death to really grasp the second name at first.

Wait.

Sorsha?

Her mother knows?

Kit sees red.

She gets up, meets Jade at eye-level.

“You told my mother but not me?” Kit apparently found her voice.

“I didn’t tell her,” Jade says, quick to defend herself. “B—Ballentine did when we first arrived at Tir Asleen.”

It does simmer some of her rage, but not quite all of it. Kit is too emotional right now.

“You still could have told me!” She spits out. “You should have told me! I wouldn’t have ever kept that from you.”  

“He made me promise not to tell anyone. Said it’s for my own safety, and I was a kid and he was the only father figure I ever had," Jade's voice is choked, and Kit lets out a pathetic whimper. "So yeah, I listened to him.” Jade pants, meeting Kit’s anger levels. “But I did try to tell you later. In Nelwyn? You dismissed it.”

“Yeah, cause I thought it was a joke!”

“Well, it wasn’t!”

Silence.

They both sit there in the quiet, looking at each other, chests rising and falling. Both not knowing how to deal with this.

But then the sound of dripping pulls them both from their fight, and they look at Jade’s hand, blood soaked and dripping on the floor. Silently, Kit moves forward, holding the hand up to stop it from soiling the floor much longer. “You shouldn’t have come between us.”

“And what?” Jade spits out, obviously still out for blood. “Let it take a bite out of you instead?”

“I could’ve—”

“You could have what?” Jade removes her hand from Kit, and she sighs, thinking the fight had deescalated. Apparently not. Jade is shaking, “Don't you get it, Kit? I get bit, it might hurt a little. You get bit, you die!”

Kit blinks up at her.

“I did what’s right, I was trying to save you!”  

“I can take care of myself, okay?” Kit says, though she feels shame at speaking out a lie like that. Truth is, Jade did save her, but Kit is too prideful to admit that even after years of training, she couldn’t take down three stalkers by herself.  

It makes her feel ashamed, stupid, pathetic to think she can help Jade out here. 

Her mother shouldn't have trusted her to. 

Jade only frowns, mouth agape.

“We need to stop the bleeding,” Kit says, avoiding eye contact, her voice low.

“I got it.” Jade says, and Kit forgot how stubborn Jade really is.

“Jade, come on, let me see.” Kit says, moving closer, arms out and ready.

“If you can take care of yourself, then I can too.” She says, turning around and begins rummaging through their things, probably looking for their first aid kit.

“That’s not what I meant—” Kit groans, following Jade and trying to get the kit out but she won’t budge. “Just let me help you!”

“Seriously, Kit, back off!” Jade says quietly, turning to her. “Okay? I need a minute.”

She wants to cry.

She wants to yell.

How did things escalate so bad?

Backing off, Kit climbs the stairs to the second floor with a lump in her throat.

Always too much, Kit.

Chapter Text

The med kit is open, that’s a start, Jade thinks.

The bite is a bitch, though, throbbing and horrid to look at. She’ll have to keep it covered till she deals with it later.

She’s sitting against the vinyl stacks, Shimmer is tied but she is due for her nightly brush, her mid-day brush completely disregarded because Jade is bitten and Kit is upstairs.

She can hear her move around, strum the guitar and occasionally look down at her from above. She knows why, it happened every time, the hovering.  With Anne it was fine, Jade was crying the whole time because it generally hurt and she thought she was going to die the same way her mother did. With Ballentine, she kept reassuring him that she would be fine, but he was skeptical the entire time, would not let them move out of their camp until a day later, when he was sure Jade wouldn’t turn. She understands the doubt, so she isn’t bothered by it.

Jade sits for a while, against the vinyl stands, her hand limp on her lap.

Ballentine’s name slipped out of her lips unexpectedly, in her rage to defend herself, now his name echoes against her skull, a reminder that the last time she spoke it, he was alive and well.

Ballentine. Her father.

Each syllable felt like shards of glass scratching against her throat, she feels her hand shake as they always did whenever she thought of him.

She said it, and her world didn’t end again like she was afraid it would. It didn’t occur to her that it already ended when she saw him lifeless on the ground, and that saying his name wouldn’t change anything.

She realizes she’s crying. Different tears, not of anger or revenge, but of sadness and utter helplessness. The rain outside brings Jade back to the present, and she wipes her face.

“Ballentine.” Jade tests it again, and then sighs.

She should go to Kit, have her see to the wound. But Jade isn’t sure she’s truly welcomed.

Kit, in theory if not actuality, told Jade she doesn’t need her help. So, Jade asking for hers after that is somehow a betrayal to herself. 

She shakes her head and lets out a wet chuckle.

What a childish, stupid thought.

She and Kit can be such prideful beings, but she wasn’t going to let that be at the expense of their friendship.  

Grabbing the med kit in one hand and resting it on her hips, she makes her way upstairs. “I’ll see you in a bit Shimmer girl.”

She’s not surprised to find Kit in the guitar room, a pout on her lips, a frown on her forehead, and chin resting on the guitar, drumming her fingers in the space next to her face. Jade rubs her wrist, “Hey.” Jade says, softly.

Kit looks up, immediately straightens, eyes glued to the bite, “Hey.” She feigns casualness.

Jade gives her a smile, “Mind if I interrupt?” Kit gestures to the area next to her, her eyes still on the bite, so Jade says, “Might need your help after all.”

Kit smiles, softly, her eyes finally meeting hers.

Thankfully, she doesn’t rub it in.

But when Kit’s eyes land on the bite, Jade feels her stiffen. Jade regrets coming immediately. She really shouldn’t expect Kit to be okay with cleaning a bite, even if she offered. “I’m sorry, I’ll do—”

But then Kit bursts into tears again, and Jade forgets the bite and its throbbing pain. She wraps an arm around Kit’s shoulder and pulls her in, the other girl immediately leans in. Jade keeps the bite out of sight. “Kit?”

Another sob.

“I’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Kit says, her voice muffled. “I know but the doubt is killing me.”

“You’ll see,” Jade says, keeping her voice soft and planting a kiss on Kit’s head. “I’ll be fine tomorrow—I am fine now. Don’t mourn me yet.”

Kit’s head whips in her direction, a tear down her cheek, “Don’t say that!”

Jade chuckles, but holds Kit tighter. “I’m sorry, bad joke.”

“I’m not going to mourn you at all, you hear me?!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.” She runs her fingers through Kit’s hair, calming the other girl down a bit.

After a while, Kit straightens and looks at Jade, “How is that possible? Immune?” Her voice is wobbly and Jade just wants to erase her worries, but she understands this is a foreign concept to Kit, to most people. It won’t be erased with words, she’ll just have to see Jade fine tomorrow.

“I don’t know,” Jade replies. “I don’t really understand it myself, nor did Ballentine or Anne.”

“Can I see it?”

Jade hesitates, but then she puts her hand out, the bite that should be swollen and angry is red but mild. Like a knife slice. Still, it takes Kit’s breath away looking at it up close. Her hands tremble as she twists Jade's wrist, gentle despite her fear. It makes Jade’s chest warm, watching the least gentle girl she knows turn soft against her skin. Jade loves Kit’s forest fire nature, but this is different with their new dynamic. Then she opens the med kit, blue eyes scanning its content. “I’m so glad we weren’t being idiots on the road, the thing is still almost full.”

They had to use the med kit for a few skirmishes with infected but nothing serious until now. Jade hums in reply, watching Kit’s fingers rummage through the thing. “How’s Shimmer?” Kit asks, digging.

“She’s still a little spooked. Gave her our last apple to help calm her down.”

“Poor baby,” Kit says, her eyes darting to her. “Did you at least find a map?”

“‘course I did,” Jade smiles smugly, would flex if she wasn’t holding the kit for Kit.

With a still trembling hand, Kit grabs the antiseptic, and looks at Jade sheepishly, tears still lining her lashes, “This is gonna sting like a bitch.”

Jade, to lighten the damp mood, says, “Please, I chemically burned my skin when I was eight. This is nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing.

Jade hisses, surprised every time the chemical hits one of her wounds. It makes Kit giggle with a soft ‘sorry’, so she considers it a win either way. She puts the bottle back inside and grabs the gauze, “I can’t believe you’re immune.” Kit whispers, eyes on the unwrapped soft cloth. “I thought I lost you in there.”

Jade reaches out, fingertips caressing the soft skin of her cheeks, “You didn’t lose me. I need you to really believe that.”

Kit nods, but her hands still tremble as she wraps the gauze around her thumb and the area of the bite. It is ugly, the teeth of something human turned something else is evident in the gagged imprint against her skin. But anyone who has seen a bite before knows that it should be worse by now, infected and red with disease, but instead the wound seems to be healing quickly, clear evidence of her immunity but she knows won’t be enough to calm Kit’s heart.

Kit secures the gauze with medical tape. “Hey, Kit.” Jade says, needing Kit’s full attention for the next part. “About earlier, I know you can take care of yourself, it wasn’t—”

“No, I—”

“No, it’s not that. I just—” Jade looks up at the ceiling, and resists the urge to grunt in annoyance at the fact she has to talk about her feelings, something she hates. “I just want you to know you can rely on me, like I can rely on you. We take care of each other, you know?”

Kit’s face is still splotchy and red, but her features soften, and she smiles, “Always have and always will.” Kit says, softly, her eyes darting across Jade face. Then, just as softly, she asks, eyes on her lips “Can I kiss you?”

“You never have to ask, princess.” Jade says, already leaning in.

If Jade wasn’t 100% sure she's immune, she’d call out Kit’s request. She obviously doesn’t care if she turns with Jade.

The kiss is sweet and short, but never fails to make Jade’s stomach do a flip.

“I’m sorry I slapped you.” Jade says, hand still in the back of Kit’s neck.

Kit shrugs once, “It was kinda funny.”

Jade rubs their noses together, “It wasn’t, but I’m glad you find it that way.”

Kit laughs, but keeps her hand on Jade’s chest as she eyes her wrapped hand. “It’s kinda hot, if you really think about it.”

Jade smiles, and flexes her biceps as she turns her hand this way and that. “Yeah? Does this do anything to you?”

“It does a lot.” Kit drops her voice and kisses Jade again, both laughing into the kiss. Then, she looks pointedly at her, “Seriously, though. Immune or not, those things could tear you apart.” Kit says, blue eyes shining. She’s so close, Jade barely registers her words. She’s right. Of course she’s right. Jade knows that, but it’s so hard to comprehend it when she sees them making their move to bite Kit. “You need to promise me. That you’ll be careful. That you won’t…” Kit looks down and shakes her head slightly. Her hand on her shoulder tightens. Kit sighs, then Jade sees her make the decision to say the next part out loud, eyes shut tight. “That you won’t get yourself killed for this.”

“What?”

“You won’t let revenge kill you,” Kit says, more firmly, opening her eyes. When Jade goes to move, she tightens her hold and tries to catch Jade’s eyes. “Promise me you won’t leave me behind. I need you, Jade.”

Jade looks down in her lap, and nods slowly.

She ignores the fact that she feels like she’s lying to Kit.

Kit’s answer is a kiss. Quick but full of love and pain and doubt and everything between them.

Slowly rising to consciousness, Kit slowly blinks against the darkness of the music room. Then, all at once, Kit’s eyes rip open. She feels her heart hammering in her chest as she remembers the events of yesterday. The library, the stalkers, Jade’s scream, her hand dripping dark red blood—

She bolts upright, a gasp escaping her mouth, panic closing up her throat.

There she was.

Sitting against the only plane of glass left visible for safety reasons, looking out.

She’s alive.

Whole.

Perfect.

“Jade?” Kit’s voice is hoarse from sleep, but it draws Jade’s attention to her all the same.

Jade gives her a small smile, making Kit’s heart stutter. There is no sign of an infection, an infection that should have taken hold hours ago, but has not.

“See?” She only says.

Kit scrambles over, desperate to hold her best friend—her lover—against her. To feel her pulse and her warm skin against hers. She holds her bandaged hands, and looks up at Jade for permission. Jade nods, and Kit begins to unwrap it.

The bite is still there. It wasn’t a dream or a nightmare, it was there. But it looks days old, rather than hours. The edge of the bite healing, the previously angry skin turned a soft pink seemingly overnight.

“How…”

“I told you…”

“You’re immune.” Kit’s hands are shaking, and soon, they are engulfed by Jade’s.

“Hey, look at me. I’m okay.” Jade affirms, nodding her head, making Kit nod with her. “Right here.”

Kit couldn’t take it, she launches herself at the girl, wrapping Jade against her so tight it would have hurt if Kit absolutely didn’t need it, feeling encouraged when Jade held her back just as tightly.

Kit pulls back, feels the relief in the way her tears are streaming down her face. She holds Jade’s face between her hands, studies the girl. Her freckles she loves so much, counting them, making sure they were all perfectly in place. Her beautiful brown eyes reflecting the same amount of love back at her, no sign of a glazed look of an infected person. Her temperature normal.

Kit surges forward, kissing her so hard she hears Jade’s surprised ‘oh’ that she swallows into the kiss. She breaks the kiss, resting her forehead against her. Panting, she says, “No more heroics, Claymore.”

Jade only smiles.

“You’re important,” Kit insists, holding the back of Jade’s head. “Not because you’re immune, but because you’re you. Because you’re mine.”

She feels Jade slightly nod, her eyes darkening, “Yours. Promise.”

Kit finds herself keep touching Jade throughout the morning, almost like she was reassuring herself that she is still here, still Jade, still with her. She wishes Airk is here, to confirm what her eyes could easily deceive.

Before they step out, Kit holds Jade against her. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you.” Jade mumbles against the fabric of Kit’s jacket.

Jade squints at the sky, the clouds thick and dark, promising intense rainfall. One of Kit’s hands is messaging her stiff shoulder, the other holding Shimmer’s rein. Kit leans to the side to see Jade’s face. “You good?”

“It’s gonna rain soon,” Jade says.

Kit groans, “Fucking Seattle.”

Jade looks down at the map in her hand, and points at a large radio station a few blocks from where they’re riding. “Maybe we should hole ourselves in this tower. Might be lucky and a few of Lili’s goons would be there?”

So far in their day, they’ve only found more broken statues, towering buildings and broken stores. The street they’re walking through is full of rundown cars, green leaves and abandoned military trucks. They maneuver their way through to get to the tower. “I don’t know,” Kit mumbles. “It looks like a prominent landmark. What if it’s filled with them?”

“Then they made our job here much easier.” Jade mumbles, eyes still on the map as Kit leads Shimmer on.

Kit doesn’t really care about herself. Not really. She’s rash and thinks without consequences in mind. She does what she wants, period. But with Jade? She can’t find herself to allow the other girl to be the same, even if she truly understand her rationale. Even if she knows she’d been a lot worse than Jade should it have been Madmartigan.

“Hey,” Kit says, “You promised you’ll be careful.”

“And I’m not breaking that promise. We’ll sneak in and if we find their numbers too high, we’ll sneak back out.”

Kit nods, reluctantly.

The tower looks much larger up close, and Kit is grateful for the greying skies darkening the world. They move through alleyways, and eventually find a spot to tie Shimmer to, keeping her in place in case they need to run out. Kit calculates how they’re going to do that. Jade finds their opening as she does. “Window.” She points towards it. “If we encounter anything we can’t handle, we climb back through that window, jump through that roof and climb down that ladder. Shimmer would be right here.”

Kit nods, eyeing the tower.

They move quietly, making as little noise as possible as they maneuver their bodies to successfully do so. Kit feels her heart rummaging through her ribcage as they make their way up the ladder. Once they’re on the roof, they move their way through the window. They carefully step through the cracked glass, trying their best not to get nicked.

As soon as they step through, though, Kit smells it.

Intense rot. 

She grimaces, watches Jade scrunch her nose in disgust.

Jade moves first, makes her way across the small room they landed in. The room has a desk, broken and abandoned equipment, a board with things written on it that do not make sense to Kit.

“Holy shit,” Kit hears Jade whisper, which prompts her to follow Jade out the room.

She almost throws up right then and there when her eyes land on the hanging body swaying from a rope, and the closer she got to the railing, the more she saw. Dozens of mutilated bodies sway from the high ceilings. Even from her view on the second floor, she could clearly see someone was sending a message by hanging them here. “Fuck…”

“What is that?” Jade mumbles, eyeing what now Kit realizes is a symbol. Her eyes land on the serpent, the primary visual of the thing sprayed all over the place, its tail circulating its head.

She feels her stomach churn.

Kit keeps her rifle trained in front of her, scanning for any type of movements. From the bodies or otherwise.

They’re too fresh for her liking.

Like an answer to her worry, a metallic clang echoes through the open space. She glances towards Jade, breath hitching, and understands what needs to be done. She takes the right, while Jade moves to the ride, ducking from view. They move down the cascading stairs like shadows, quiet until another sound rings across from above. They conceal themselves behind the many desks sprawled around and wait.

“Check the bodies for arrows. Make sure they are all deceased.” A male voice rings out.

Kit can see Jade now, pressed against the far wall, eyes following the new voice.

“Second floor clear,” Another voice, more nasally, echoes in answer.

Kit keeps her weapon at the ready as she hears the sound of their footsteps against the stairs.

Then she sees them. Two, matching the voices they just heard.

She looks to Jade, who gives her a nod, and Kit understands.

They made sure there aren’t any more following their search upstairs, and Jade fires a warning shot against the ceiling, making a cascade of glass drop to the ground, making both men jump, but before they could raise their weapons and take aim, Jade holds the first one in a choke hold while Kit tackles the other, her shiv pressed tightly to his throat. She lets out a yelp at the sting on her face, another followed quickly on her upper arms, before she was quick to disarm that man under her arms, sliding the knife far with her foot. Quickly, they secure their prisoners to the stair’s railing using their ropes.

She notices the symbol scattered across the place on their jackets.

“Kit?” She hears Jade voice, follows her eyesight to the darkening fabric on her right upper arm.

“It’s just a nick.” Kit reassures, feeling the heat cascading from her forehead down her chin.

Jade nods, then sighs. She moves to Kit’s guy first. “Now,” Jade says, leaning down to face the man. He is younger, probably in his early twenties, fear and anger evident in the way he shakes, sweat coating his forehead. It’s in that moment she sees Jade spot something on the man’s jacket, and a strange smile graces Jade’s face. She leans lower, makes sure the man hears as she says, “I remember you.” She whispers, her usual soft voice hoarse with anger. “Remember me?”

Kit looks at the other guy in the other side of the railing. He’s looking at them, then his eyes bulge in recognition.

Jade lets out a dry chuckle, her teeth gritting as she says, “Yeah, you remember me.”

Kit recognizes one of them in that moment, the older man who stood over Jade and held her down.

“We let you live!” The older man on the other side spits out. “She was merciful and kind!”

“She is a psychotic bitch who will bleed out before your next breath.” Jade says, her voice strained.

“What do you want?” The younger man whimpers.

Jade fully crouches and holds the man’s head up by his hair as she says, “Justice.” She releases him from her grip and stands. “Now,” she makes a show of dusting her hands off. “You’re going to tell us everything you know about Lili and her whereabouts, and maybe I’ll think about not killing you.”

Kit knows she’s lying. Knows they are dead men.

The older man spits out, “Fuck you!”

Jade smiles, and pulls out her knife as she moves towards the younger man.

“Ungrateful bitch.” The older man spits out further insults. “I knew we should have killed you.”

“Right, yeah, probably” Jade only mumbles, then just as suddenly, she stabs the younger man through his knees. The man’s scream echoes across the large space. Kit can’t find it in herself to feel bad.

She remembers him too.

He was standing over her mother.

As his scream turns to pathetic whimpers, Jade peels her knife off, earning another groan from the man. Jade places the butt of the knife inside the man’s mouth. Kit stands at the ready in case he tries something. “You’re going to point where Lili is, and then I’m going to go ask your buddy over there to confirm. And it better matches up or you will be begging me for release. You understand?”

The man only looks at her with so much hate.

“Point.”

The man points, the tip of the knife red with his own blood, circling a matching red over an area off the left side of the map. Kit sees the off-coast island he pointed to. Jade grabs the knife from his mouth. “Good boy.”

Jade moves to the older man, looks at him pointedly. “I’m not telling you shit!”

Jade just shrugs, “It’s okay,” and before Kit knows it, Jade makes her move. “I believe him.”

The man chokes on the knife that is pierced through his neck.

“Father!” The younger man says, but Kit can’t take it. Her shiv lands against the younger man’s neck, cutting his words short.

They slump, blood seeping through their front, held up by ropes. Without a word, Jade unties them and stuffs the ropes back into their backpacks.

“Jade?” Kit asks.

Jade’s façade is broken, and she can see her visibly shake as she looks back at the two bodies, breath releasing in pants. She finally takes a deep, shuddering breath. “We know where she is.”

“We do.”

Jade nods. “We had to do it.”

Kit, just to reassure, says, “Yes.”

“Okay. Okay. We have to get out of here.” Jade whispers.

Kit looks down at her blood coated hand, the stings across her body reminding her that she’s hurt. 

They leave the tower as the rain begins to drown them.

They go back to the music shop that night, both of them still shaking from more than just the cold. Still, they were grateful to find the place still empty. Jade boards up the glass with whatever she could find to shield from the rain & cold as much as she can, ensure it’s safe before she tends to Kit.

Jade sits Kit down, their med kit next to Kit’s thigh. “We’re running out soon,” Jade tries to joke. Kit doesn’t smile.

They’ve had nicks before, and they tended to each other’s wounds throughout their journey. But this is different.

This is on Kit’s face.

And Kit has to be reminded of what she’s done every time she looks at herself.

She doesn’t flinch when Jade cleans and stitches the gash, doesn’t falter when Jade gently kisses her cheeks when she’s done, doesn’t fight when Jade takes off her jacket to look at the wound on her right arm. Her shooting arm.

She’s a ball of multiple emotions.

I let him get close.

I got myself hurt.

I let Jade down. Again.

I killed that man.

Kit says nothing, eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. Her right arm limp on her side. “Hold still, okay?” Jade’s voice was soft, but firm. When Kit doesn’t acknowledge her words, she says, “Look at me.”

Kit raises her eyes off the ground reluctantly, afraid of what she might see reflected back from the love of her life.

There isn’t any judgement in her gaze, no disappointment. Just concern and love.

“I’m sorry,” Kit starts, not understanding how to get through this conversation.

Jade shushes her quickly; her thumb brushes a tear that escaped. “Let me stitch this, okay? Then we’ll talk.”

When Kit feels the sting of the needle, she doesn’t flinch. She deserves this.

Behind Jade, Shimmer nickers softly, as if sensing the tense air. Before she knows it, Jade is securing the last stich. Jade sits back, looking at Kit expectantly. Kit is still shaking, fighting her mind and the flashes it keeps sending her. “I’m fine…”

“Kit.” Jade says, firmly.

“I—I am fine. I am.” Kit’s voice cracks. “It’s just—”

“That was your first time really killing someone.”

Quiet.

“Yeah…” Kit breathes out, her chest constricting as another flash of the young man passes through her mind.

“Kit,” Jade turns to look at her. “This world…it makes us do terrible shit. We were sheltered in Tir Asleen. Safe from doing what we just did. But out here? It would be stupid to hesitate. You trusted your instinct in that moment. I’m telling you it was the right call.”

Kit nods as she listens to each syllable, feels the tears stinging too. “But—” She tries to argue but Jade is quick to cut her off.

“No,” She tenderly says. “No, Kit. I see how each death eats away at you. I get it, but Kit, it doesn’t mean that they weren’t necessary. But how you’re feeling? It’s normal. It’s human.”

“I’m—” Kit sniffles, leaning further into Jade’s touch. “I don’t want to disappoint you. Or make you regret letting me come.”

Jade’s smile is soft, a welcome treasure. “You can never disappoint me, Kit. Having you here—” Jade shakes her head. “I can’t imagine doing it on my own.”

Kit rests her forehead on Jade’s, breathing her in. She turns her head a bit to plant a chaste kiss on her lips.

Not quite comforted, another thing nagging her in her head.

“He was his dad.” Kit says, doesn’t really know why. “He called out to him before I—”

“Yeah, well, they weren’t as kind and didn’t kill me with mine.”

Kit sees the way Jade gets surprised at her own words, like she didn’t quite mean to say it out loud.

It doesn’t suppress the sudden rage—and worry—that replaces Kit’s previous emotional storm.

Kit pushes her away, hard and angry, and stands up, unable to look at her face. “You keep promising me you won’t get yourself killed, but then you say shit like that—"

Jade raises both hands in surrender, “I’m sorry, I—”

“You know, saying sorry doesn’t erase the fact that You. Keep. Scaring. Me.” Kit punctuates every word.

 “If you hadn’t done it, I would have.” She changes the subject, more gently. Kit allows it for now. “He would not have survived it. We could not risk word coming back to Lili that we’re here.”

Kit hears Jade move around and face her, feels her hands as it rests on her cheek. Kit sniffles, Jade’s thumb gently wiping her tears away. “How does this make us better than her?”

Jade flinches for a second, like Kit personally slapped her.

“I mean—”

“I know what you mean.” Jade mumbles, but thankfully doesn’t move away from Kit. “Kit, we’re not like her. We didn’t kill them for some power o-or for a war or something—some twisted shit like that, we had to do it. And look, now we know where she is! We can go home soon.”

At the prospect of home, Kit feels a stab of pain in her heart. Despite all that happened, Kit doesn’t know if she belongs in Tir Asleen, let alone ruling it in her mother’s place. The thought of it quickens her breath, suffocates her. She doesn’t even know if Jade will be there to stay with her. She has to, right? Things changed. Theychanged.

“I know,” Kit murmurs, shaking her head slightly. “Yeah, I know.”

“I know you, Kit.” Jade murmurs softly. “I know your soul like the back of my hand. You have a heart of gold, and nothing you do can change the way I see you. We’re too far gone.”

Kit finds herself relaxing. “We’re too far gone.” She mumbles back. Being held by Jade and reassured like this eases the tightness in her chest that has accompanied her since she saw those dead bodies hanging, since Jade’s bite, since they left Tir Asleen. She leans into Jade’s warmth, holding her against her, taking a deep breath like she’s breathing Jade in, her scent steading her.

Kit goes to move, but Jade holds her against her still. “Just…stay here. Let me hold you.”

“Always.” Kit whispers, easily. Truthfully.

Jade pulls the hood of her jacket above her head, eyes on the heavy grey skies. She stands under the safety of the music shop, the front door open, offering the loud sound of rainfall against the asphalt of the city.

Kit rustles behind her, pulling her own jacket on, Jade realizes that she does not have a hood on. A habit to scold her arises within Jade, the desire doubled by her irritation of the heavy rain. But she doesn’t.

“Here,” She says, shrugging off her own jacket and dangling it in front of Kit.

Kit’s big blue eyes shift from her face to the jacket in rapid succession. Jade knows she barely slept last night. From the constant shuffling and her dark circles, it isn’t easy to miss. Sometimes after midnight, she tells Jade to sleep. She woke up to her hovering over the city map. When she asked her was she was doing, Kit simply says she’s finding the safest route to the island.

Offering her the jacket should be the least she could do.

“Jade, it’s fine.” Kit says, shrugging on the other end of her jacket. “I know you wanna yell at me,” she rolls her eyes with a smile. “But I forgot to bring a jacket with a hood, so I should suffer the consequences.”

Jade approaches with a smile, so Kit know she means it when she says, “And why should I suffer the consequences of your complaining when the rain soaks your hair and face?”

“Oh, you’ll suffer those consequences regardless.” Kit says, bending down to grab her backpack. “Soaked jeans and socks? Oh, you’re in for a treat!”

Jade groans.

“Keep the jacket, Jade.” Kit says in finality, unbridling Shimmer.

Jade wanted Kit to have it, but something in the way Kit just spoke indicated her refusal to be talked out of this.

Jade shrugs it back on, takes a dramatic deep breath, and they step out into the heavy rain. “You think this’ll ruin your plans?” Jade asks, chin points towards the map in Kit’s hand.

Kit shrugs, “Hopefully not.”

It takes them a while, and as it turns out, it completely ruined Kit’s perfectly curated plan. The rain and the floods hindered their direct way to the island, forcing them to take multiple detours and eventually, when it was too dark to see anything clearly, they started looking for shelter for the night. Kit isn’t too upset by it, too distracted by her wet socks and jeans.

The rain has made the streets of Seattle as reflective as a mirror, reflecting the disappearing moonlight.  They moved on-foot now, giving Shimmer a break. He’s trained to work in heavy rain, but even he was getting irritated now.

A school loomed ahead, unmarked on the map but a blessing that eased Jade’s heart.

Jane Allen Middle School.

“Main entrance is a no-go.” Kit whispers. Jade notices the padlock and chains.

“There’s another entrance from the side.” Jade replies. “Big enough to fit Shimmer through.”

They walk the perimeter, checking windows and door as quietly as they can, moving as one synchronized team without necessitating any words to communicate.

The double doors, once they reached it, is blocked by a large dumpster, but Jade can see the door being slightly ajar.

Despite checking every first-floor window, Jade presses her ears to the open slit and listens for infected or any human occupants. When she hears none, she nods to Kit but gestures for her to be careful, and to be ready.

They slowly moved the dumpster out of the way, the sounds of the rainstorm completely muffling the sound of the moving wheels of the dumpster. Kit opens the door, and as carefully and slowly as Jade could, she slips inside with her flashlight on. She gestures for Kit to wait with Shimmer, as to not freak the horse out. Even though Shimmer’s ears remain relaxed, further indicating that there aren’t any infected lurking around. Kit, surprisingly, obliges.

Maybe telling her of her immunity wasn’t the worst idea.

It’s a large gym room, with a basketball hoop and scattered sports equipment. A school banner hangs limply on the far wall. Abandoned and sad, but empty. She gestures for Kit to come in with Shimmer. “Seems like a good place to hole up for the night?” Kit says, shaking her hair like a wet dog, causing Shimmer to step away from her.

Jade lets out a chuckle, “Yeah, this’ll work. High windows and quick exit.”

“Great,” Kit sighs, attaching Shimmer to the pole by the door. “Let’s secure the place.”

 They work thoroughly, checking every window and door. The building isn’t big. Jade’s seen much bigger schools before, but it’s enough that it takes them a while to go through each room, ensuring that there won’t be any surprises. They gather supplies, and Jade gathers what she finds for what she has planned for tonight. A relatively clean tablecloth, two unbroken plates, and candles from one of the teacher’s desks probably. Once back in the big room, they barricade enough so nothing could get in but it was easy to escape should they need to. They establish escape routes, and lastly, Jade removes the gear from Shimmer, giving her dinner and a brush.

“Um,” Jade was planning something for Kit for a while, ever since they left Nelwyn, and she was waiting for the perfect night to do it. “This is gonna sound stupid.”

Kit’s mouth slowly forms a smile, her brows furrowed. “I’m gonna enjoy this. What is it?”

She’s sitting on one of the benches, her legs spread out in front of her.

“Can you turn around?” Jade says, suddenly feeling insecure.

“Are you planning on changing, Claymore?” Kit says, sultrily. “I don’t mind.”

Jade rolls her eyes, ignoring the blush that creeps in,  “I have a surprise for you. C’mon Kit, just turn around.”

Kit chuckles, but swings her legs on the other side of the bench.

“And no peeking!”

This is stupid.

This is so stupid, but she hopes Kit would love it.

“What are you up to?” Kit asks, and Jade turns to make sure she’s not looking.

“It’s a surprise. Just give me five minutes.” Jade says, setting to work.

She lays out the table cloth in a neat square, sets the plates down, making sure to wipe the surface, and lights up the candles, sacrificing one of her matches, creating a warm glow that finally illuminates the area. She opens a can of peaches and rations it on the plates.

It’s not the most appetizing meal, especially not for a first date, but it’ll do until they get home.

“Okay,” Jade stands and calls out, despite the humiliation this is bringing her. “You can turn.” 

Her humiliation dissipates when she hears Kit’s sharp inhale. She stands, and Jade can see a hint of a smile behind the surprise, “Jade, what is this?”

Jade walks over to her, and holds her hand. “This is our first proper date. I know it’s not…” She begins to walk Kit to the set-up. She gives a self-conscious shrug. “I don’t know, a meal at The Tipsy Bison, but…I thought…”

“It’s perfect,” Kit whispers, pulling Jade and closing the space between them. When they pull apart, Kit beams at Jade. “You’re perfect.”

Jade can’t help it, she kisses her again.

Which makes Kit giggle and pull back, pointing towards the blanket with an expectant look.

They sit, shoulder to shoulder, giggling while sharing a plate of canned peaches as they converse about anything and everything. If Jade is correct, this might be the first real conversation they’d had since before their fight in Tir Asleen.

Outside, the rain continues it’s roaring outpour, creating for a cozy atmosphere inside.

Jade suddenly feels watched by Kit as their laughter dies down after recalling the way Elora broke up with Airk when they were teenagers (telling him she doesn’t want to marry him after he idiotically proposed a week after truly knowing each other). She feels Kit’s eyes roam across her face, and watches a curve of a smile form on her lips. Kit begins to hum, a soft but pleasant melody that gets lost in their bubble. Jade rests her head on Kit’s shoulder, contempt and happy for the first time in months.

In their silence, Jade watches the fire on the candle move. She doesn’t realize she’s been rubbing her wrist until she feels Kit’s hand on top of hers. Embarrassed, she shoots Kit a smile and straighten in her seat. “What’s on your mind?”

“Uhh…” Jade trails.

She shouldn’t.

What the fuck was she thinking? She’s gonna ruin the whole fucking date.

“Nothing really—”

“Jade.” Kit gives her a look.

“Ballentine.” Jade admits, and Kit’s face softens. “And Madmartigan.”

Now Kit’s face scrunches in confusion. Jade turns to face her, completely and utterly ruined the mood now.

“When I get all up in my head about him,” Jade gestures towards her head. “I find myself at war with myself. I want to talk about him, and I also don’t.”

Kit’s still frowning. She doesn’t reply, waiting for her.

“Every time I remember, my heart drops.” Jade says, and despite it all, she feels guilty for feeling happy with Kit.

How can she feel anything with Ballentine dead?

“How did you—” Jade sighs, knowing this is dangerous territory. “How did you cope? Losing him?” At Kit’s stricken face, Jade’s heart plummets. She’s quick to apologize, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Jade, it’s okay.” Kit replies, and Jade feels her hands being squeezed. “It’s okay.”

“You never talk about him.” Jade says, “Not really. I just—I want to understand—”

“You’re feeling alone.” Kit replies, ripping the very dark thing inside Jade out into the open. It almost takes her breath away.

“Right,” Jade says, then she tries to brush it off because she’s hurting Kit. She’s hurting her because she’s selfish and trying to find some sense of the pain she’s feeling. “But don’t worry. It’s fine, really. We don’t have to talk about it. Not at the expense of—”

“Stop,” Kit tells her, and Jade lets out a long breath. “You’re allowed to ask for help. Especially with your grief. I want to be the one to help. Really.”

Jade leans forward, pressing her lips to Kit’s intensely. Too grateful to really care about anything. When they pull apart, Jade whispers, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Kit smiles, “I didn’t handle it well at first. You know this.” Kit says, pain shadowing the most beautiful eyes Jade’s ever seen. “I cried and looked for him till my feet bled and numbed. I was angry at everyone, even him.” Then she looks up, a shadow of a smile. “But not you. You helped me. You were the only reprieve from all the pain. You made me feel like I was loved, and important, even when I felt anything but. That’s why I want you to talk to me. I want to do the same for you.”

Jade feels Kit’s thumb caressing her cheek.

“He, my dad, he was a light in my life. You both were. Everything was alright so long as I got you two by my side.” To Jade’s surprise, Kit is smiling. “But when he died I realized that anyone can be lost. No one is safe from the harsh reality of our world. When he died, there was a divide. The years before, and the years after. I was never the same.”

Shimmer nickers softly in the background, nosing at his dinner.

“I still think about him almost all the time.” Kit says, honestly. “I don’t think that’ll ever change.”

“Willow said the same thing,” Jade mumbles.

“You talked to Willow about this?” Kit asks, faux offense lacing her words.

“I didn’t wanna worry you.” Jade says. “I’m trying to be more open. You gotta give me credit.”

Kit scoffs. “Yeah, well, you know what my dad would say right now?”

“What?”

“That we’re being too serious.” Kit says, jokingly, but Jade can sense her downward mood.

“And Ballentine would tell him to piss off.” Jade replies.

“Mhm,” Kit says, leaning back again Jade. “I think—I know that’s how we should remember them. With how they lived, and how much they loved us.” Kit’s voice is soft. A delicate thing. “I know that’s what they’d both want.”

Jade nods, “Thank you. For hearing me out.” 

She’s glad how receptive Kit was of it, her best friend’s wisdom shining through in the topic she knows so well.

“Hey, you can talk to me about anything.” Kit says. “I’ll always share this grief with you, always.” 

“Thank you.” Jade whispers her thanks her again, kissing her temples.

They stay in the quiet, holding each other, now they’re both looking at the flickering light of the candles. The pain is still there, and Jade calculates based on the conversation she had with both Kit and Willow, it’ll never go away. But she doesn’t feel quite so alone now with it. Kit’s hand wanders up her arm, her fingertips warm against the ragged skin of her chemical burn. 

“You never really told me where your other bite is.” Kit suddenly says, earning a loud laugh from Jade.

It was so unexpected that she couldn’t help it.

“It’s a secret.” Jade plays along, trying to lighten the mood back.

“Aw, man.” Kit says, but then she continues her shocking statement streak when she says, voice low, “Would you mind if I explored?”

Jade turns to her and gawks. She tries to ignore the heat rising to her cheeks, feeling the heaviness of it in her ears as the blood rushes at once. Kit’s hands are still exploring.

“Really?” Kit asks, keeping that same tone. Her hand moves up her arms, landing in the back of Jade’s neck, and brings her closer to her. The air is heaving, and Kit brings her body even closer, almost landing on top of Jade.

Jade’s. World. Collapses.

She’s doing this.

She’s doing this with Kit.

With her Kit. Her best friend of over a decade Kit.

There really is no turning back from this.

And Jade finds herself ready, kissing with newfound reverie. Like she’s gonna devour Kit whole. Kit makes a sound that sends shivers down her body. Kit breaks the kiss to smile smugly down at her, even though she’s equally worked up, and says, “Is that a yes?”

She’s in bliss. In pure bliss.

Until the sound of shattering glass erupts into Jade’s eardrums.

They break apart in an instant, each girl grabbing her weapon, but nothing could have prepared them for what’s next.

Fuck!

They’re surrounded. The sound of their barricades breaking, doors opening, and weapons aimed at their heads has Jade instinctively move in front of Kit. She doesn’t care that it might agitate the girl, her protection comes before her pride.

“Well, well, well,” A woman’s voice echoes throughout the large room, louder than Kit and Jade had been. “Isn’t this just the sweetest thing? Looks like we’ve interrupted date night.”

“Who the fuck are you?!” Jade’s voice hoarse.

Jade frantically looks around for the Order of the Wyrm symbol at the jackets they’re wearing, but it was too dark to tell anything, all their flashlights are aimed at the two girls.

“We knew you two would be found eventually,” A man steps forward, his face half hidden by the darkness, brown eyes focused. “But we didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to let your guard this far down. Playing house after murdering innocents? A bit…psychotic, no?”

Jade grits her teeth. She doesn’t give a fuck that she can’t find the symbol. “Innocents? Don’t make me laugh.”

“Oh, I’m not here to make you laugh.” The man replies, and Jade can feel more weapons aimed her way more than Kit’s. Good. “In fact, I’d like to rip your laugh from your throat.”

“Manny, relax.” Jade hears another man’s voice. The man, Manny, grunts angrily, and Jade sees his flashlight retreat to the back, a couple of people patting his shoulder in the process.

“What do you want?” Kit says, her hands shake holding her pistol high up, her rifle leaning against the wall by Shimmer.

“Check them for bites,” The woman, who seems to be the leader, says, ignoring Kit. “Then let’s wrap it up. We ain’t got all day.”

Panicked, Jade looks to Kit.

“It’s faster if you don’t resist. Lower your weapons.” Another woman says.

“The fuck we will!” Kit says, and Jade gets closer.

“We don’t want any trouble—” Jade starts, all her bravado gone at the prospect of being checked for bites.

She has two uncovered.

She’d be shot on sight.

“Oh, you already caused enough trouble,” The first man says, venom lacing his voice. “You’re lucky orders are to keep you alive.”

Jade turns to Kit.

Who the fuck are these people?

When four figures begin to approach, Kit yells, “Don’t!”

When one is close enough, Kit is quick to move, prompting Jade to do the same. She manages to knock the first man back, her elbow connecting with his throat. “You son of a bi—”

But her victory is short lived, the butt of a rifle hits her head. Hard. She topples to the ground, the metallic taste of blood coating her mouth. Through her blurry vision, she sees Kit fighting, but she is knocked down as well.

“Hey!” Jade yells, fights against the person holding her down. She doesn’t think of the last time she was held in this position, and how her panic is rising, her heart beating out of her chest.

She won’t let Kit die. She won’t.

“Stop!” The woman yells, a gun to Kit’s head as she spews her next threat. “Another move and I blow her brains out.”

Jade froze, her breath caught in her throat at her words. Kit looks at her, her face holding desperation like she’s never truly seen. Like she’s begging Jade to let go. She quickly notices Kit’s gash is reopened, and it only fuels her anger more.

She doesn’t care that they might find the bite on her hand.

Kit is all that matters.

On the ground, Jade raises her hands in surrender.

Chapter Text

It takes a while for Kit to grasp what is happening.

Movements are slow, almost blurry in her vision. The chaos of a moment ago dissipates with Jade’s stillness, Kit following suit as she begins to feel dizzy, hot liquid trickling down no doubt from her open wound.

She looks up, and her heart stops.

Jade in that position, Kit not being able to get to her.

“No…” She moans out. “Jade…”

“Shut up.” Her handler spits out.

Her heart begins to race, her body remembering her panic from that day before it even registered in her mind. She looks at Jade, seeing her labored breathing, and she knows it’s not from the person holding her down. She has a faraway look about her that is killing Kit. Instinctively, she moves to go to her. She feels her restrains like iron shackles locking her in place.

Oh, Jade.

“Please,” She chokes out, her voice hoarse. “Please, stop!”

“Check them.” The leader’s voice is firm.

Wait…

Is Jade…? Will they…?

No.

Kit is hauled to her feet, barely able to stand straight, eyes focused on a pair of brown eyes.

Terrified eyes. 

The bites.

Kit sees it in pure horror as they straighten her, a man in full black steps in front of Jade, and in absolute panic, Kit yells, “Don’t touch her!”

“Can’t risk bringing back infected to HQ.” Their leader speaks again, her tone impatient. “Get it done.”

Jade looks at Kit then, her faraway look turns to alarm.

Kit knows Jade’s not here. She can tell by her stiffness, and her dazed state. So Kit’s going to have to take lead for once.

Her three bites, one that is merely a day old. These people do not seem the type to negotiate if they see one of them on Jade’s body. Kit isn't sure there are people who would negotiate in that instance. A glance at one of them meant Jade’s death. Kit didn’t even think, she pushes herself into the man next to her, her yell guttural.

She’ll risk anything. Anything. For the bite check to stop.

The man topples over their dinner and candles, lighting the table cloth aflame.

He manages to get up to avoid contact with the fire, but it is enough to distract them from Jade. “You fucking bitch, I’m gonna—”

“You’re making too much noise!” A woman's voice hisses, “The basement—”

And Kit wants to raise her hand in prayer, and give her thanks to whatever entity is watching over them, as a loud crash directs everyone’s attention towards the double doors at the end of the room. The door explodes open, and a massive, fungal covered form enters the room, a guttural growl escaping its mouth.

A Bloater.

“Fall back! Fall back!” The leader yells, Kit sees her aiming her weapon. “Get them out of here!”

Kit looks at Jade, who seems to have snapped out of her trance, she’s still breathing hard and clutching her chest, but her eyes are focused at the Bloater. Kit hears Shimmer rear in fear, fighting against their captors trying to pull her out.

The Bloater lurches forwards, taking aim, and Kit’s heard about this. The bombs of spores that Bloaters launch into the air, no closed proximity necessary as it stuns its prey. Kit feels frozen in her spot.

Then she’s shoved towards the door. She stumbles on her two feet, stunned as she looks at the massive form. The Bloater’s roar vibrates through Kit’s bones, feeling it rattle her very skin.

“Kit! Move!” She hears Jade behind her, also shoving her out the doors, into the pouring rain, a gasp caught in her throat at the bomb that exploded behind them. She glances back, and looks at the spores filling the area of the explosion. She hears the people fighting back, a Molotov being thrown, many fire equipment being used, doing what is necessary to get everyone out of there.

Kit hears screaming, but she doesn’t have time to figure out who’s it is when she is being shoved into a military truck, Jade right behind her, lips pale and blue. Kit grabs her, and sits her down beside her. She’s running her hand through her wet hair and face, whispering reassurances, not caring these people are filling in behind them.

Screams are tossed, but Kit focuses on Jade, and bringing her fully back.

“You’re okay.” Kit says, continuing her path.

Jade leans back, taking a deep breath, as more are being shoved into the car. She holds her shaking hands, and watches the people around them wearily, eyes on the double doors a few feet away. If that Bloater manages to get out, they’re fucked.

She sees someone riding Shimmer unbridled, and she grits her teeth, knowing how much she hates that.

“Wait for Lev!” A yell, but Kit’s not focusing, just watching the door with her heart on her throat. “He’s still in there!”

“We can’t wait—”

“Fucking wait—”

“He’s fighting it neck in—”

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE! WAIT FOR L—”

“HEY!” A yell that makes Kit take her eyes off the door. The leader continues more calmly, “If you’re willing to wait, by all means. But we’re not risking our entire squad for a choice he made! We’re not losing more people—”

And just as she turns to the driver, a short, bald-headed kid runs towards the truck. “DRIVE!”

He yells, and the sound of the gas pedal being pressed is the sweetest sound she could hear right now. Kit’s eyes flicker back to the kid, she assumes is Lev, and he’s running.  The Bloater appears behind him, its hulking shape even more pronounced by the moonlight, the sight of him almost makes Kit want to throw up. Kit can hear Lev’s wheezing, even against the heavy rainfall,  as he quickens his steps even more, and finally making a jump that lands him on the truck's floor by everyone’s feet.

He’s wheezing still, his chest rising and falling, as he lays on his back, looking at the ceiling.

Kit, slowly, realizes that he’s smiling.

This idiot is thrilled.

Lev’s eyes then begin to search everyone’s face, and Kit begins to count, there are around eleven, including the man on Shimmer outside galloping in the rain.

His smile fades at his eyes land on their leader’s face. “Sorry, Mel.”

His voice is hoarse from running and breathing so hard.

“Get off the floor, Lev.” The leader replies, passively. Then to herself, she mumbles, “I’m so sick of your shit.”

Mel sighs loudly, then lazily gestures to Kit and Jade. “Tie them up.”

They’re being moved again, hands separated as their arms are being shoved behind their backs. Kit doesn’t see who holds her, but she doesn’t care, instinctively, she fights. Jade, on the other hand, does not see the point.

They’re surrounded, with a Bloater close by.

Fuck!

She feels a final tug at the ties that bound her hands together, a hiss escaping her lips at the way the material is scraping against her skin.  

Once they’re settled back down, Kit looks to Jade, who has a knot between her brows. Kit moves closer, bumps her shoulder, and whispers, “Are you okay?”

Jade only looks at Kit for a second. Her gaze, even though Kit can see lingering panic there that she wants so badly to soothe, returns to their captor, not letting go of the feeling of Jade's arm against hers, “Who the fuck are you people?” She can’t help but spit out.

Mel’s eyes remain fixed on them, so much so that Kit can’t help but scoot even closer, not caring that her and Jade are practically on top of each other. She can feel the rain water dripping from Jade’ hair into her arm. The other guy, Manny, is staring daggers at them, and Kit notes how they sat him the furthest away.

“You two caused quite a ruckus in our city.” Mel says, body jerking at the car’s speed across the vine strewed streets. “Entered it without a clue in your brains, deciding it was yours to do as you please?”

They remain quiet, Kit deciding to follow Jade’s lead here. The rain drums loudly against the roof of the truck, intensifying the silence.

“Listen, we don’t give a shit about your city.” Kit replies, and to her credit, her voice is level. Even though everyone around them visibly tenses at her words, she continues. “You’re gonna explain exactly where the fuck you’re taking us.”

Mel smiles, and a few chuckles erupts out of people, but Kit notices that Manny doesn’t.

“Something funny?” Kit asks, her voice hoarse trying to contain her anger. She feels Jade squeeze her forearm from behind.

“Just shut the fuck up.” Kit hears Manny say.

That seems to get Jade out of her half open bubble. “What did you just say?”

Manny, as slowly as he can, leans forward towards Kit and Jade, despite him being on the other side of the truck, and in a calm manner says, “Shut. the. fuck. up.” he repeats, and Kit clenches her fists. “Your voice is grating my skin. It makes me want to twist your neck all the way around. Sounds familiar?”

Kit’s brows crease.

“You’re lucky we don’t kill to get what we want. It’s not protocol. So, shut the fuck up before I start wondering if I really give a fuck about following protocol.” He turns to look out through the window by the door, his jaw a tense line.

Mel clears her throat, regaining attention back to her, “It’s a short ride to HQ, we’ll talk when we get there.”

It isn’t in Kit’s nature to wait. It’s in Jade’s, but Jade’s still reeling, and leaning against Kit’s forearm like a lifeline, and she doesn’t want to make things worse for her.

There is no way out, surrounded and with Shimmer occupied, there is no way out.

So, Kit waits.

When the truck stops a few minutes later—though Kit could swear it’s been hours—Kit is ready to bear the weight of protecting both her and Jade.

Jade, who has been so quiet, jumps off the truck first.

She wants to talk to her so badly. She wants to make sure she’s ready for whats to come, she wants to know what’s she’s thinking, she wants to know that she’s still with her.

Because despite being ready to face whatever for Jade, she just really fucking needs her.

It brings her a bit of comfort to see her eyes darting around when they land their feed on the mud outside, the rain still pouring. She strategizing. Good.

Kit tries to memorize their surroundings, and tried to follow the trucks’ turns while in it, crosschecking it with the map she obsessively looked over last night. It’s what Jade would have done.

The truck moved north, which is closer to the island, but it took a few turns, and eventually made it east of the city. So, if Kit’s calculations are correct, they’re somewhere north-east of Seattle.

Now, HQ is hard to miss.

It’s a large brick of a building. Might have been a hospital once, if Kit is to guess.

She’s looking for signs and signals, any indication of who these people might be or what this place is. No symbol of Order of the Wyrm, not even any broken statues, not even on their jackets like the men in the radio station tower.

It’s almost like these people want to remain hidden.

A wired fence surrounded the building, big white floodlights are aimed at the truck that is parked at the front of the gate. “It’s Captain Mel and her squad,” Kit hears. “Open up!”

They’re shoved to move again, but Jade steadies her with her shoulder. When Kit glances at her, she offers a nod. The simple gesture brings her a sense of relief, at least for the moment. 

They walk surrounded by their captors. The guy riding Shimmer has thankfully stopped, and is leading her by her rein.

The gate is loud when it opens, revealing a plain yard with dozens of trucks resembling the one they were in parked all around the perimeter.  Guards line the fence, rifles clutched to their chests as they turn back to their posts, ignoring the newcomers. They move forward towards the main door, opened by a keycard that Mel swipes against a detector. Inside, a long hallway with fluorescent lighting illuminates their entrance. Mel walks ahead, greeting every passerby, noting the rifles held against their chest. Kit wonders if she could swipe one, and a burn at her bound wrists answers her question. Jade walks beside her, brown eyes made hazel under the harsh light, mouth pressed shut and eyes darting everywhere.

She’s back, and she’s trying to find answers.

At the end of the hallway is a double door with the same detector planted on the right wall, Mel pauses and turns to them. “Secure them in a holding cell, I’ll go get the Commander.”

She vanishes behind the double doors, accompanied by multiple people following her. Jade and Kit are pushed to the left, where descending stairs brings a pang to Kit's chest. She really hates going underground. Going down the stairs, she sees Jade’s shoulder’s tense at the narrow stairs. Kit doesn’t have much time to notice anything other than the fact that it’s way darker here before she’s shoved in a room, and the door locks behind her. “No wait—”

From where she landed on the ground, and to her absolute horror, she realizes Jade isn’t behind her. Isn’t in the room with her. “Jade!”

They separated them.

She bolts upright, and she sends her shoulder pounding against the door. “HEY!” She yells, uncaring at the way her shoulder is burning. “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! JADE!”

She can’t hear anything outside. Not even the comfort of shoes against porcelain tiles. Nothing.

“No!” She says, and continues to shove her shoulders against the door, despite hearing the door lock explicitly, hoping it would open.

Fuck fuck FUCK!

Kit begins to spiral. Where is Jade? Where would they have put her? Will they check her for bites? A large and wet sob begins to build inside her, and she releases it as she continues to bang her shoulders against the door. Her breathing is coming in small, sharp bursts.

If they find her bites—

Kit can’t think about that or the terrible things that would result from it.

She stops banging on the door. She needs to think.

She moves away, her shoulder crying for help, and she starts pacing the small, windowless room she was thrown into. It has a bed in the corner, a small desk, and a chair. Nothing else that would be of use to her. 

The starkness of it tells Kit that it must have been a psychiatric room.

Calm down. Think. She counts, seven steps forwards, seven steps back. She can still hear her heartbeat in her ears, which is not helping her think.

She can’t think.

It’s impossible to think when she’s spinning out.

She slides down the wall, a sob escaping her chest. Another one and another one, until her body screams at her to move again. Desperate to do something, she bangs on the door again. Yells for anyone. Yells for Jade. Begs for Jade.

Kit has never been good with solitude.

Kit doesn’t know how long it takes, but when she hears the door unlock, she steps back, prepares herself to launch.

Except she couldn’t, because on the other side of the door stands the biggest man she’s ever seen. His Hulking figure takes up most of the space of the door, which tampers her feeble plan of escape. Kit’s body freezes, and she eyes the man like a hawk.

This must be their commander. 

He looks down at her, grey eyes looking down at her. “Hello, Kit.”

How did he know her name? Jade must have said it at some point.

Fuck.

Kit spots Mel behind him as he enters the room, his large boots stomping against the tiles. 

Kit is about to lash out in anger and frustration, but then she catches a glimpse of red curls behind Mel. Jade is then being moved inside, and two chairs are placed for them. They are both seated facing the door. Facing the Commander. Their hands are still tied behind their backs.

Both girls are looking each other over, looking for any signs of hurt.

“I’m okay.” Jade whispers to her.

“I’m okay, too.”

“I’m Commander Toth.” He says, his voice snapping their attention back to the man, ignoring the way his deep voice seems to be reverberating against the walls. “We’ve been looking for you two for a couple of days now,” Mel crosses her arms, eyes flickering between her and Jade. “You’ve been running all over Seattle, all over our city, after traveling from God knows where, just causing destruction." Kit can see the anger that hides behind the commander's casual tone. Can feel Mel's glare like she's seeing through her skin. "Complete strangers to this precious city we call home. Obviously, you’re capable to have survived the dangers of this city. So that begs the question, who are you?”

“We should be asking you that.” Kit says. “Considering we’re the ones tied to a chair.”

“No, not really.” Toth says, and Kit takes stock of the weapons in the room. Toth has multiple small weapons strapped to him. Mel the same, having forgone her rifle. “You lost question privileges when you killed one of our own.”

Kit feels her and Jade stiffen at the same time, she turns to her, a question in her eyes.

What—who—is Toth talking about.

When neither woman respond, Toth continues, “See, now that’s just disrespectful.” Toth says, shaking his head, like he was genuinely offended. Though he is not shaking in anger like Mel is, she can feel it in the way his fists clenches once. “At least have the decency to remember who you kill. Alright, I’ll set the scene for you.” He begins to pace in front of them, a hand on his hips, making his already large shoulders humongous. “We finally take over the city after years of terrorization. Of forced labor. Of hiding. Drive out our terrorizers as far as possible. We create multiple watch towers—”

At this, Jade stiffens even more.

“Inside the city,” he says, then stops in front of them. “And just outside it.”

Kit turns to Jade, watching her breathing accelerate. 

“We have real nice big one just outside the main gate, with a young man posted in it just a few days ago that was found...with his neck snapped.”

Fuck…

The tower, the man. Jade twisted his neck for the gate password.

“You remember him, right?” Toth’s voice does not lose his storytelling edge. Kit remembers him, alright, remembers her panic at his neck snapping from arms she was used to holding her gently. “Owen, Manny’s brother. You met Manny on the way here, didn’t you? He’s real pissed, but he’s a good guy. You can’t really blame him for wanting to put you both six feat underground. You know, for killing his brother without a second thought to gain access to the city.”

Fuck fuck fuck!

The man in the tower.

“I know you did it, because i can smell an Order of the Wyrm killing from miles away, and the twisting of necks ain't one of them.”

The Order of the Wyrm?

So, they are a different group. What did he say just now? A group that they drove out of the city? Did they drive the Order of the Wyrm out to that island?

She remembers so vividly. Jade said he was one of them, one of Lili’s people, to excuse his death.

He wasn’t.

He was an innocent man.

“It was me.” Jade speaks. “It was only me.”

Kit’s head snaps to Jade, heart lurching out of her throat.

“Jade, what the fuck are you doing?”

Her words fall on deaf ears as Jade continues. “I killed him. It was me, just me. I’m the one that you want. Kit has nothing to do with it.”

“Jade, stop—”

“She has nothing to do with this.” Jade is ignoring her, she’s looking at Toth and she’s ignoring her!

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kit yells.

“I’m telling them the truth.” Jade calmly replies.

No.

Nonono

Fuck.

Jade is sacrificing herself.

They made it all the way here, and she’s sacrificing herself.

“You can do whatever you need to do to me.” Jade continues, turning Kit’s blood to poison. “But she has to be released and safely escorted out of Seattle.”

“Like fuck I will!”

She felt her blood rushing to her head, and in that moment, she knew. Jade never intended to save herself. That’s why she remained calm throughout their journey here.

Oh fuck.

Now it is Kit's responsibility to make sure Jade survives, knowing that she completely has given up on herself. 

Like Kit would ever allow that. 

Toth studies them both, then he stands up straight. “Put them back into their cells, then meet me upstairs. We have much to discuss.”

Toth turns and leaves, “Jade, you can’t fucking do that to me—”

“You have to take it, Kit!” Jade says, her voice frantic as she’s being lifted by someone new. “You have to! Please!”

“I can’t—won’t—leave without you!”

“Kit—”

“Can I please talk to her? Just for a few seco—” Kit pleads to Mel, who is only glaring at her as she moves to the door, and then door is shut, swallowing up her words with it.

Jade is out of the room just as fast as she stepped in it.

She feels her absence like a vacuum, sucking the air from her lungs.

Kit wants to cry, yell, and rip her skin apart.

Jade must truly lost her mind if she thinks she’ll leave her here.

Fuck that.

Kit is pacing the room, her shoulders screaming at her, her wrists on fire. Her eyes are on fire from crying so much, her throat and mouth dry as a desert, her head pounding against her skull. Her damp clothes and hair are making her shiver.

Nothing is right.

Nothing is right because Jade isn’t with her.

Because she doesn't know where she is, or what's happening to her. 

And patience is never one of Kit's strengths, nor being kept in the dark. It was one of the reasons she got so upset at Jade when she told her she's going to Bastian. 

Fuck, that feels like a lifetime ago. Their life has been completely fucked since then. How trivial it seems now. 

All she can think about is Jade.

What they’re doing to her.

They could be torturing her, hurting her, killing—

Nope.

Don’t go there. Won’t go there. Jade is well and—

The door’s lock snaps her attention from where she is sitting against the wall across from it. She holds her breath, afraid of releasing it, expecting Toth or Mel or whoever is coming to give her horrible, terrible, nightmarish news.

What she saw instead is a ghost.

An illusion or a trick of the light. Her mind playing cruel games at her most vulnerable.

She finally lost it. She completely and utterly lost her mind.

Because what’s standing behind the door, is a man. And that man looks exactly like her father.

Chapter Text

CRUNCH

She hears it on multiple bodies. Once when she was held down, the hard ground collecting pools of her tears, her hand twisted behind her back, and the feeling of wanting out of your skin just so that pain would stop. Another time, when revenge was etched into her skin she did not care to take the extra step to do the right thing, and the crunch felt satisfying. Almost drowning the other one out.

Almost.

Now, it repeats with a sickening twist to her gut. Her skin tingles as she moves back and forth in the cell she was thrown in. Her bound wrist makes the air in her lungs shallow, and she just wants to rub rub rub—

Her shoulder is numb in a way that Jade almost wishes they won’t unbound her, knowing how the pain will hit like a bullet once the limb can move freely again.

The quiet is sickening in its own way. She has become so accustomed to the presence of another body. Accustomed to the warmth it brings. It’s almost wrong how she’s separated from Kit.

Separated from Kit.

Kit, who has blood running down the side of her face from her opened gash and whose face was paler than she’s ever seen.

Jade didn’t want the confirmation of the man in the tower, could have lived her life justifying it. She got it anyways, and her fingertips keep tingling.

She takes a deep breath, it comes out ragged and short.

Kit’s voice rings in her ear, her tear stained face visualized in front of her, ‘How does this make us better than her?’

Jade tried to calm her, convince her.

But if Jade is honest with herself, she doesn’t know.

And if she is really honest with herself, she doesn’t care.

She doesn’t cry.

But the room does spin, and it spins and spins.

She leans against the bed, sitting on the cold ground, her head leans back against the duvet. She closes her eyes, the light illuminating the room too much for her to think.

They have to let Kit go. She’d press a knife into Manny’s hands herself so long as they let Kit go. This isn’t her mess. This is Jade’s.

And if Ballentine taught her anything, it’s that you clean up your own messes

Her breath hitches, interrupts and is unable to release. Her heart is leaping out of her throat. Her eyes wander the figure. Familiar to her as her own skin.

She forgets where she is, the pounding in her heads removes all her senses in equal measures.

Kit’s bound hands twitch, desperate to clutch at the erratic rhythm of her beating chest, afraid it will truly jump out of her skin.

She tries to speak, her mouth opening, but only a gasp escapes.

His familiar blue eyes widen, his mouth agape, mirroring Kit’s shock.

“Kitty?” His voice is like a ghost, something from the past that honeys over your beating heart, familiar as all the times he read her a story before bed, or told her all about his adventures outside Tir Asleen. Familiar as his voice in her dreams, answering her pleas for him to come back.

“D—dad?” She manages, but barely. Kit is afraid of putting her whole weight on her two feet. Afraid she’ll collapse, and he’ll be gone again.

The ghost takes a step inside, reluctant to move further. Under the light, the ghost looks older. What used to be long and dark hair is turned short and peppered in white streaks. His face wrinkled, and marked by scars, evidence of days lived beyond what they all thought was his last. “Are…you… real?” Kit gets her voice to work between breaths.

“Kitty…”

“Dad?” Her voice is cracked, laced in disbelief.

How is he here?

“Kit, it’s me.” He says, but he does not take another step. “It’s me.”

“How—,” She feels her stomach violently squeeze. She swallows. Hard. “How?”

“Can I come in?”

Kit lets out a sound that might resemble an agreement.  

She questions her sanity as she watches him take a few steps forwards. Thinks she might be hallucinating from blood loss or she might be in a dream as he closes the door behind him. She wants to pinch herself, inflict pain so she feels it truly in her skin, and her father would not be a figment of her imagination or a dream like so many others before. He would be real, and he would be here.

If this is all in her imagination, then she needs to get it together. Jade needs her.

“Jade…” She says, though her body is physically in pain from just looking at this ghost.

“They told me you came here with her.” He says, and God, his voice. “That’s…how I knew it’s you…”

He steps forwards, and Kit’s heart leaps again. As she takes in more details of him. His frame is smaller than she remembers, his clothes, similar to Toth’s, hanging off his frame.  

He walks like he’s real.

Is he real?

Her mind is reeling. She doesn’t know if she trusts it. Not when she knows that Jade is—

“I’m here, Kit.”

She lets out a gasp, a disbelieving laugh, and welcomes the warm tears streaming down her cheeks. “Oh dad!”

She slams into him. He holds her against him. His hand lands against her head, cradling her like she’s the most precious thing in the world. Kit hears him breathe her in, and she takes in his solidity.

He’s not a ghost.

She has to look at him again. She pulls back, eyes already scanning, feels his hands on her upper arms.

His smile turns wet as she begins to see his own tears reflected against his cheeks.

Kit stands on wobbly feet, not caring if she falls. She couldn’t fall. Her father is holding her up.

Her father is alive.

She slams into him, needed to feel him again, and inhales his familiar scent.

Her father. Her hero.

“My girl,” He murmurs into her hair.

“I thought you were dead…” Kit murmurs against his shirt that she’s sure is staining with her snot and tears.

“I thought I was dead, too.” He says, and Kit can feel him shaking against her.

She lets go, and looks at him up closely. All his freckles where they should be. Every distinct scar from before where they should be. She thinks of her family then, how they have no idea that he is alive. That he wasn’t killed by raiders or died in the snow or whatever ending they came up with to help themselves move on. How she wants to scream it so loud that they can hear it all the way from Tir Asleen.

Her exhilaration dwindles then. Her poor mother, mourning a husband with no grave. Airk, having to pull both Sorsha and Kit from the depths of their despair, and having to lose himself in other dangerous ways in the process.

Kit realizes she happy, but she’s also super fucking pissed.

“We all thought you were dead!”

“Kit, let’s sit down and talk.” 

“How are you here?” She hurls at him, flinching away from his touch like it burns. It’s conflicting. Wanting to berate into someone but not wanting to upset them too much so they wouldn’t disappear. She’s hyperventilating. She wants to run up and hug him again, but she also wants to hurt him for putting her through so much shit. “How are you here?!”

“Okay,” he holds her arms and leads her to the bed in the corner. Kit lets him. He turns to the door, and opens it, “Hey, Lev! Would you come and cut the ties off my daughter for fuck’s sake!” Madmartigan shouts, but Kit is not able to comprehend a word he’s saying, too in disbelief to think for a second that this isn’t a dream.

Lev, the same kid as before, walks in. He smiles at her dad, and moves closer to Kit, who flinches.

“Relax, he’s just gonna cut the ties off your hands.” Her father, father, speaks!

Kit looks back at Lev, who has a hesitant smile on and both hands raised in surrender, like he’s calming a spooked dear.

She guesses she kind of is one.

She allows him to get close, and she feels the achiness all over when she knows he cut the ropes, bounding her wrists free.

She hisses, but it’s clouded by her eyeing her father, like she’s afraid he’ll disappear if she so much blinks too long. “And Jade. Can you send him to cut Jade’s bounds too?”

Madmartigan looks at her and looks down, “Jade…” he sighs. “Jade killed one of our own, Kit.”

“One of your own?” Kit says, anger spiking a thousand again, overriding the pain that accompanies her ability to move her hands freely after hours. “I’m one your own. Jade’s one of your own, and I’m asking you to bring her here!”

“You know what I meant by that, Kit.” He replies, and gestures to Lev to leave.

Kit is breathing hard, a frown starting to give her a headache. “They won’t let her walk freely.”

“Talk to them!” Kit stands, exasperated. “She didn’t know—she thought—Fuck, please, dad!”

“Okay, okay, alright,” He stands with her, holding her upper arm again to steady her. “I’ll talk to them. I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

He pulls her in again, and Kit falls into him, less enthused than before, her mind quickly back to Jade.

A woman comes back into the room, a brown leather bag draped across her shoulder and a tray of food Kit has not seen since she and Jade left Nelwyn. As soon as the woman walks in with it, Kit asks, “And Jade?”

“Already told them to send her a tray, don’t worry.” Her father replies, eyes on Kit. Then he turns to the woman with a grateful smile. “Thanks, Elena.”

“Any time, boss.” She says, an amused smile stretching her lips, turning to Kit fully now. “Alright, what do we have here?”

Kit flinches when the woman, Elena, starts to turn her head from all angles.

“Elena’s our licensed physician, trained under Mel herself.” Madmartigan explains, Kit rolls her eyes. Mel herself. Please.  “She helped me through a lot since I came here.”

“Yeah, well, I do what I get paid to do.” Elena says, her brown eyes remain on Kit, assessing, but a sly smirk stretches across her lips. Kit hears her father scoff and chuckle. “Alright, it seems like you don’t have a concussion. So, I’ll just stitch you up again and you can eat till your heart’s content. Sounds good?”

Kit, bombarded with many emotions, simply nods slowly.

Kit doesn’t even flinch anymore as she feels the needle poke its way into her skin.

“There,” Elena says, backing away to look at her handiwork. Her kind eyes scanning her face. “Look at that.”

“Thanks, El.” Her father says, and it grates at Kit’s skin.

“Yup,” She grabs her tools and looks at Kit. “Don’t sleep any time soon, just in case. And sleep on your left.”

Kit can only muster a nod before the woman leaves, a pat on her father’s shoulder rings around the room. She grabs a piece of bread, and then looks up at her father, who is watching her with a fond smile. She then gestures impatiently for him to start with her hand.

“Right,” he says, with a loud sigh. He looks at Kit, then back to the ground, then at Kit again. Kit’s heart breaks at the sight of her father looking so small. She feels it tug and lodge itself at her throat. This is the man that encompassed safety and love when she lacked it from her own mother. This is the man that looked at Kit after an argument with her mother and gave her all the reassurances that she so desperately needed.

Kit can’t believe he’s here.

She spent so many years grieving him, losing a part of herself, developing so many shameful attributes because one day he was here and the next he was gone. She wonders, as she chews on a piece of stale bread, if there’s anything that he can say that can make her forgive him.

He sits back in the metal chair in front of Kit, who sits cross legged on the bed, tray of food next to her. His face is withdrawn, and Kit watches him take a deep breath, preparing himself for what he needed to explain.

“Before I start, there’s something you need to know.” Madmartigan says, softly. “About Jade.”

Kit stiffens, and sets the bread down. Something in his tone turns her stomach. “Jade?”

“How much did she tell you about her time before Tir Asleen?”

“Just—” Kit sighs, not wanting to be angry towards her father but she can’t help the frustration from lacing her words. “Just tell me. What about Jade?”

“Kit…Jade’s immune.” Madmartigan whispers slowly, like her willing the words into Kit’s mind, glancing at the door that remains closed. “She’s immune to the bite and its affects.”

Kit closes her mouth, relaxing her jaw, and takes a deep breath, “I’m aware.”

“You know?”

Kit nods, “She told me a few days ago. Witnessed it myself.”

Her father nods, then takes a moment to himself. Nodding again, he decides to continue, “That day, on patrol with Boorman, we were a little way out of our zone. Food was scarce, we needed something big, and decided that day would be the day.” Kit nods, urging him to continue, needing this to make sense. “We were separated for a bit, each covering close zones before agreeing to meet at an agreed point. They saw me. Two women, and three men, and they took me. I didn’t really know why they took me, till I was brought here.”

“Here?” Kit’s voice cracks, and she feels her eyes get glassy. “You were here?”

“I was.” He says, and clasps his shaking hands together. He swallows, and takes a deep breath. “They told me they knew Jade, knew she was immune, and knew that she and Ballentine are in Tir Asleen.”

Kit’s heart stutters, and breaks. Kit looks at her father. Really looks at him. The new marks and scars on his face, his short hair. All the ways he’s not the same Madmartigan anymore.

Kit has never seen her father’s hand tremble.

Then the guilt slams itself into her chest, and she has to gasp for breath.

All those years they’d spent thinking he was dead, while he was here. A month’s ride away. All the while, he was held and suffering.

“I could’ve looked harder…” Kit starts, her heart beating out of her chest. “I could’ve—”

“Hey, no, absolutely not.” Madmartigan shuts it down. “You had no way of looking for me, and you were also fourteen. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I stopped looking—”

“Kit,” Madmartigan says, further leaning forward. “There was nothing you could have done. I was gone before I was even reported missing.”

“You were here…” Kit’s voice cracks, her breath hitches, and she fights a sob so harsh she has to close her eyes. “They kept you a prisoner here? This whole time?”

“It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, Kitty.” He says, with a weak attempt of a reassuring smile.

“Don’t lie to me.” Kit says, harsher than intended. “I’m not a kid anymore, if you can’t tell, and you need to tell me everything.”

Madmartigan’s face falls, and he looks down.

Heavy silence ensues, and Kit wipes at her cheeks. “Sorry.” She mutters.

Madmartigan only shakes his head.

“What did they want from you?” She whispers. “Who were they?”

“They were looking for Jade and Ballentine,” He continues, leaning forwards on his knees. He looks so small, Kit has to look away. “that day I went missing. They knew about her immunity, and apparently knew about it since she was a child.”

“Is that—” Kit swallows, her voice cracks. “Is that why they took you? To get to them?”

Madmartigan only looks at her for a long moment, “Kit…”

“I just want to know, okay?” Kit says, her voice wet with fresh tears.

“It’s not their fault.” Madmartigan says softly again.

Kit feels her throat constrict on its own, and she gets up, needing to move her legs. Her food discarded. “I knowthat.” She says, covering her mouth with one hand, the other on her hip. “I know.”

Madmartigan only looks at his daughter.

Kit stops, and turns to him fully now. “How do they know Jade? Ballentine?”

“I don’t know how they know Ballentine.” Madmartigan answers, “But Jade was with them for a while before Ballentine found her.”

Kit can’t help but spiral, emotions warring inside her chest. If they weren’t looking for Jade around Tir Asleen that day, then her father wouldn’t have been—

“Nope,” Kit shakes her head aggressively. “Nope. Not going there.”

Madmartigan watches his daughter carefully, mirroring her head shake.

“You were here,” Kit says, a little too loudly. “You were here, and they were doing God knows what to you. While I was—” Kit rubs her face, her cheeks, feels her eyes beating out of her chest. “I don’t know how to feel.”

“Hey,” Madmartigan speaks, a little more firmly now. “None of this is Jade’s fault. She was a scared child, and if she was with the same people who took me, then trust me, she was scared for a reason.”

That does it for Kit, she lets out a sob. For her father, for little Jade, for herself. “I know! I know…”

“I’m serious, Kit.” He stands as well. “You can’t blame Jade. I won’t let you. I loved that girl like she was my own, from the moment I saw you with her, from the moment I saw what she meant to you. What happened to me happened because of those people only. They were too weak to plan a full fledged attack on Tir Asleen.”

Kit lets out a choked sound.

“I had a lot of time in there to think of what truly matters.” Madmartigan says. “And you and Jade? Kit, that’s what matters. My love to you all? That’s what kept me going. You cannot blame anyone but them for what happened.”

Kit slams into her father, gripping his shirt and burying her face. Her chest is still a knot of emotions, knowing the pain for her father won’t subdue anytime soon, and know that somewhere in this building, Jade sits alone. Unaware and preparing for a fate she doesn’t deserve. Kit bites her lip to hold in more sobs. “I’m so sorry, dad.”

Kit feels Madmartigan’s hand rest on her head, pulling her in. “Don’t be, kid. I’m just glad I found you again.”

Kit is flanked, despite her father’s reassurance that they’re there as precaution, she still feels like she wants to kick one of them and grab their rifles they love to brandish so much.

But Kit is going to see Jade, so she forces herself to be grateful and shuts up. When they stop at a door at the end of the corridor at the basement, Kit’s heart begins to race. The guards unlock the door for her, and she steps inside, her breath hitching as she prepares herself to see Jade, not knowing how she’d react.

She finds her sitting at the small metal cot cross-legged, and head bowed, looking smaller than she’d ever seen her. Her heart aches at the sight.

At the sound of the door, her head snaps up, and as her eyes land on Kit, her face morphs from caution into relief so quick that it melts Kit’s insides. “Kit?” Jade’s voice is cracked, like she’d been sleeping or crying.

“Hey—” Kit doesn’t get to continue as she’s bombarded by Jade’s embrace. For a second, Kit stands frozen, all her conflicting emotions warring inside her chest like a match. But when she feels how Jade relaxes against her, all of it melts away. And all that exists is Jade, here and now, in her arms. Kit gives in, melting completely against the other girl. She closes her eyes, counts Jade’s quickening heart beat against her chest and buries her nose into her neck, taking in her familiar scent. “I’m here.”

They cling to each other, neither wanting to let go, all her conflicting emotions from before melt in the face of her complete and utter adoration for the other girl. She pushes the guilt and shame she feels for even entertaining the thought of Jade’s involvement. This is Jade, her Jade, who never asked for any of this. Who has gone through too much.

Guilt slams against her chest, vying for the win of how Kit should feel in this exact moment. She almost blamed Jade.

She holds her closer she almost can’t breathe. Jade doesn’t complain.

“Jade, I have to tell you something.” She mumbles against her shirt.

Slowly, Jade peels herself away from Kit, a frown pinching between her brows. “What is it?”

“My dad’s alive.” She whispers, like it’s a secret.

“What?” Jade pulls back enough to really look at Kit’s face. “Madmartigan?! How?”

Kit cradles Jade’s face gently, a thumb brushing her cheeks. “It’s a long story, but he knows about you. About your immunity.”

Jade’s frown deepens, “How? How would he know? That’s impossible…”

“Come,” Kit holds her hand. “Come sit. I’ll tell you.”

She moves them to the metal bed, holding both Jade’s hands and then, as gently as she could, Kit explains that Madmartigan was taken.

“Oh Kit,” Jade pulls Kit in, squeezing her tight. Kit is too busy spiraling on what she has to tell Jade next that she doesn’t really need Jade reassurance right now. “Your dad’s alive.”

“Yeah,” Kit pulls back, and gives Jade a soft smile. “Yeah, he is.”

Kit could tell that Jade is still processing that information, her eyes unfocused as they dart across the room, like she’s flipping through questions she wants to ask.

Kit’s heart stutters when she sees her land on one.

“Did he tell you why he was taken?” Jade questions, looking at Kit like she’s the only thing that matters.

Kit opens her mouth, then closes it. She looks down and sighs quietly.

She really doesn’t want to tell Jade.

“Kit?”

Deciding that she won’t be able to tell her while she looks her in the eyes, Kit looks down at their intertwined fingers, both eyebrows raised as she says, as softly as she can, “They were looking for you and Ballentine, Jade.”

She chances a look up towards Jade’s face when she finishes her sentence, and watches it morph into utter confusion. “What?”

Kit immediately touches Jade’s face, hoping it’ll ground her. “He doesn’t know why they were looking for Ballentine, but they knew about you. About your immunity.”

Jade’s face turns pale, her features neutralizes into stern lines as realization hits her. “Kit—”

“I need you to know that it doesn’t matter to me,” Kit says, firmly, holding on to Jade because she feels her slipping away already. “None of it does. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. Not even one bit. Not ever.”

Jade’s face turns horrified as she slowly grasps the implication of Kit’s words, and Kit’s heart sink immediately.

Jade pulls away.

Kit feels her stomach twist as she feels Jade’s weight lift off the bed.

“Your father…” Jade swallows, her eyes flickering everywhere but Kit’s direction. Kit can see her spiraling; her hands make quick work of rubbing her wrists. “They—they took him looking for Ballentine and I?”

Kit stands, and Jade takes a deep breath.

“They took him from you. From all of you.” Jade says, her voice shaking so hard it breaks Kit’s heart hearing it. “What they did to him—”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Kit says, firm and true, echoing her father’s earlier words to her. She walks towards Jade, holding her close. “Hey—listen to me, none of it was your fault.”

Tears are quick to spill down Jade’s cheeks as she lets out a disbelieving breath, and she physically recoils from Kit’s touch. Kit ignores the way her stomach turns at the rejection. “How can you say that?” Jade’s voice is so small, her face contorted into pain. “Kit, it was all because of me! Your—your father was—you lost your father all these years! Because of me!”

Kit’s own tears begin to blur her vision, and she can’t help but reach out again. “Jade—”

“No, Kit, no!” Jade’s voice breaks, utterly and completely. Her hands shake as she runs one down her face. “All these years—”

“Jade, stop!” Kit yells, trying to stop Jade from digging herself deeper into this. “None of what you said is true, alright? None of it!”

“I’m the reason your family was destroyed.” Jade says, her voice steadier but still trembling, as she realizes more things she’ll place the blame on herself.

Kit’s heart shatters completely, and all she wants to do is hold her best friend—her lover—the only person that was ever there for her when her father disappeared. She can’t take seeing her take the blame for it so forcefully. She watches her slide down the wall of the room, pulling her knees up to her chest, and let out a sob.

Kit lowers herself down from where she stands, needing to be on the same level as Jade.

Kit’s bottom lip wobbles as she looks at her. She has completely turned into herself, and Kit can’t help but see the younger version of Jade.

Small, and scared.

And so so so alone.

“Jade, please listen to me.” Kit says, her voice wet.

Jade is already shaking her head, letting out another sob.

Kit can’t stand it anymore. She crosses the room, and kneels down in front of Jade, pulling her hands away from her face, even as Jade tries to fight her. Her face is blotchy, and her eyes red-rimmed. She’s not looking at Kit. “Jade, look at me.” Jade’s eyes remain unfocused as she takes hiccupping breaths. She gently lifts her chin, but firmly says, “Look at me.”

She looks at Kit like she’s begging for forgiveness.

“You were a child.” Kit says, her words sounding harsh to her but she needed Jade to comprehend her. “A child. You did absolutely nothing wrong. None of this is your fault.”

“Your dad—”

“My dad loves you, Jade. You were like a second daughter to him. Told me so himself.” Kit manages a soft smile. “He doesn’t blame you, and neither do I. I love you, we both love you, and I need you to understand that.”

Jade shakes her head again, “I don’t deserve that. I—”

“Well, I don’t care what you think.” Kit says, maybe too harshly. “Because you have it anyway. I’ll love you forever, Jade. Nothing can ever change that. Please believe me.”

Jade lets out a harsh sob that Kit has to dip low to hold Jade’s body upright as she slumps forwards towards her. Kit whispers words of comfort and love, her own tears falling into Jade’s hair.

“I’m sorry, Kit.” Jade’s words are muffled against Kit’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

“I knew you would be,” Kit murmurs back. “But you don’t need to be. Nothing to apologize for, baby.”

They stay like that for a while, Jade sobbing into Kit’s shoulder, and Kit hoping and praying that Jade believes her.

Jade feels numb.

She spent that last hour crying into Kit’s shoulders, her lap, her stomach, everywhere Kit pulls her to, and all the while they talked about the fact that Madmartigan is back.

And he gets to be back because they took him.

And they took him because of Jade.

Jade is grateful to losing her ability to feel her emotions fully. Her head is heavy, her eyes sting, and her body is trembling every few seconds.

It makes her able to face two hard, cold truths.

The only people who knew, other than Sorsha, Ballentine and Anne, were the crew she was with after her mother had died and Anne had found her.

Their leader, Bruce, and his daughter.

His daughter, Lily.

Or, Lili.

Jade feels her heart plummet, and the world stops turning for a second, as the realization crashes headfirst into Jade’s brain. Jade’s hands begin to tremble again, and she turns to Kit with a strange detachment as her brain continues to make sense of everything. Like pieces of a puzzle that Jade hadn’t realize she was supposed to be making.

Jade sees it, the ignorant bliss she and Ballentine had lived in their many years in Tir Asleen. The memories almost mocking her, spewing hurtful words now that Jade has finally put the last missing piece into place.

Bruce, the man Ballentine has killed, is Lili’s father.

Jade’s chest feels tight, like her ribs are too constrictive for her lungs that scream for breath. She ignores the way the room begins to spin, grabbing onto Kit like she’s the only anchor holding her here. She probably is.

“Jade?” Kit’s voice is scared.

Jade feels like she’s stuck in time. In a space where she in between the person she was and the person she’s going to become now. The room is the same, Kit’s the same, but Jade isn’t.

The urge to scream comes suddenly, and it scares Jade how quick her shock has turned to anger.

Jade tastes copper, and she clenches her fists.

“Jade, talk to me.” 

Jade stands, ignoring the way the room spins at the suddenness of it. “I need to talk to Madmartigan.”

Kit looks at her, eyes darting all across her face, and then nods. Once. Slowly. But she nods.  “Okay.” She says, softly.

Jade is not ready, not now, but she knows she never will be.

But this is about Ballentine, and for him Jade stands.  

It’s only a few minutes that Kit leaves, and comes back with a tall figure behind her. Jade straightens, holding back the apologies that are begging to spew out of her.

“Jade…”

Jade has known Madmartigan for around eight years, spent a lot of time with him because Kit had insisted that Jade joins family days when she was old enough to push against her mother’s wishes. Jade hated going, felt like an intruder no matter how much they made her feel like home, but she’d go. She’d go for Kit.

The Madmartigan then was tall, and broad, and long hair that he refused to cut. The epitome of safety for Kit, and Jade at some point too.

The man that stands before her is not.

Her eyes trace all the difference, the scars, the way he favors his left side now, his forearms are filled with scars, white and shallow, but plenty. Each difference indicative of his time away.

Every detail hits her like a physical blow to her chest.

The guilt is overwhelming. Each breath feels like she is drowning, sinking deeper and deeper the more she takes the man in. She wants to rip out her skin to stop the tingling sensation that lives under her skin. She wants the ground to open up whole and swallow her in, and never to spit her out again.

Looking at them standing beside each other.

It kills Jade.

A reminder of what she’s taken from Kit.

“Jade…” Kit trails, slowly walking towards her, leaving her father standing by the door. Once she reaches her, a gentle hand is placed on the hand that is just rubbing and rubbing on her wrist.

Jade hates how comforting it is.

She doesn’t deserve comfort for all that happened because of her.

In her emotional turmoil, Bruce’s face flashes in front of her face. His white hair, large beard. Jade doesn’t remember his features clearly, just remembers his cruelty towards her. His grueling smile that screamed evil to her as a child as he learned of her immunity. Like he just hit a jackpot.

She doesn’t remember his daughter. Lili. Not really. She was as cruel as her father, yes, but she never affected Jade as much as Bruce did. She more so ignored Jade’s presence.

No Bruce was made of nightmares.

A nightmare that Ballentine saved her from.

“Mads…”

“Hey, kid.” Madmartigan smiles—smiles—at her. Like she deserves it. Like she isn’t the reason he was taken all those years ago.

Jade can’t speak, her eyes rake all over his form, trying to will her mind into saying anything that’s not an apology.

“You’re really here…”

It is a difficult thing to look at her faults personified. Here Madmartigan stands, a smaller version of himself, because Jade was immune. Because Ballentine saved Jade from Bruce. Because Ballentine took Jade to Tir Asleen.

When Jade lands back to Madmartigan’s face, and watches a genuine smile stretch across his face, she has to look away.

“Look at you. You’ve grown so much.”

Jade closes her eyes, a tear escaping them. She feels Kit reach out immediately, wiping the tear away, whispering something only Jade could hear.

“My strong girl,” Kit says through a laugh that Madmartigan echoes.

Jade can’t even muster a smile.

“Jade, look at me.” Madmartigan’s voice holds the same warmth he reserved for his family and Jade only. Not wanting to upset anyone else more than she did, Jade lifts her head. Madmartigan approaches slowly and carefully. “Remember what I told you when you first came to Tir Asleen?”

Jade takes a breath, releases it, then answers. “That I was safe. That I didn’t need to be afraid anymore.”

“And do you think it makes me happy to think that you might believe I don’t 100% still mean that?” He says, a hand reaching out but not quite touching her yet. “I meant it then Jade, and I mean it now. You are safe with me, always.”

“But Mads, you don’t know—You don’t get—”

“I know,” He says, truthfully, not sugar coating it. “I know why they were there and why they were looking for you.”

She doesn’t say that he doesn’t know why they were looking for Ballentine, too.

She can’t bring herself to say it.

“I was taken because they are terrible people, head fucked by this goddamn apocalypse, and have been taking people into their fucked-up cult for years. It doesn’t matter who you were, they’ll gladly take any lone wolf they see.”

Jade feels deflated. No matter how many times she hears it from Kit or how many times she’s going to hear it from Madmartigan, it simply will not hold true to her.

She doesn’t argue that they would not have been in that close of a vicinity to Tir Asleen if it weren’t for her.

“We love you, Jade.” Kit says, her voice low.

“You’re family.” Madmartigan says.

Something in Jade breaks then, and she turns away from Kit and Madmartigan, not wanting to be seen crying like she’s the victim in this. Kit lets her go, but Madmartigan doesn’t. Moving, his arms outstretched as he holds her from behind. His warmth is familiar, the difference lying in both their sizes as they hold each other. Jade twists to hold him back, and mumbles, “I’m so sorry, Mads.”

Jade feels another pair of arms wrapped around her, this one more familiar and steadying, pulling her into a comforting embrace as the moment’s heaviness melts away.

They stayed within that embrace for a while, enough for Jade to quiet her sobs, and for Kit to press soft kisses into her temples, her hair, her cheeks, her father’s arms holding them both.

When Jade begins to pull away, Kit’s eyes are glued to her, assessing.

She still looks like she’s about to burst into another bout of tears, but her breathing is steadied, and she quickly wipes her face, despite it still being red and splotchy.

Kit moves beside her quickly, not wanting the separation even for a second to deter Jade’s mind from the love they’ve been spewing towards her.

Knowing her girl, none of it stuck anyways.

And that terrifies her.

In many ways.

In what it’ll do to Jade herself.

In what it’ll do to Madmartigan.

In what it’ll do to her relationship that had just started after years of pining.

She has to reserve all of it. She has to.

Another kiss lands on Jade’s temple, when Madmartigan says, “Uh, so…question.”

Both Kit and Jade stiffen.

They make eye contact, Kit’s more frantic, having forgotten that her father is standing right there while she pressed a thousand kisses to Jade’s skin every second she could.

Slowly, they turn towards Madmartigan, wincing at the sly smirk plastered across his face. Kit looks back just in time for Jade to completely flush red, and not from the crying. It’s almost endearing if Kit isn’t also mortified.

Jade doesn’t completely relax, but Kit holds her arm, ignoring the slight pain from her upper arm, slowly sliding it down her arm to tangle their fingers together, representing a united front. “We’re in love with each other.”

“Kit!” Jade says, her face turning crimson.

“What?!” Kit shrugs, her fingers tightening around Jade’s. “It’s true!”

“Yeah, but—”

“Oh, I’ve always known.” Madmartigan speaks, leaning against the bed, crossing his arms with a smile that is just so her father.. “Just wanted to confirm it.”

“You’ve always known…” Jade trails.

“HOW?!” Kit yells at the same time.

“You weren’t really trying to hide it just now, and you were never a discreet kid, either, Kit.” Her father says, a smile lacing his words.

It’s almost dizzying, and terrible timing to be discussing this. But Kit can’t help but say in total exasperation, “Did everyone know but me and Jade?”

“Yeah, Kitty.” Madmartigan nods. “Everyone knew. I remember your mom and I had a very long talk about it.”

Madmartigan is met with two flabbergasted girls, mouth agape, eyes wide, shoulder scrunched, and a very, very red Jade.

It’s so endearing to Kit that she has to stifle a grin. She takes mercy on her.

“You know what? It’s fine. It’s fine. We’ll get past this ultimate betrayal in favor of having finally gotten our shit together.” Kit says, Jade groans, covering her face with her free hand. “Hey, it doesn’t matter.” Kit gently nudges Jade.

Jade only nods, her face still obviously enflamed, her eyes glued to the ground.

“What did they say?” Kit says through a sigh. Obviously trying to change the subject. “About Jade?”

“I explained everything as best as I could.” Madmartigan says, but he’s shaking his head, eyes flickering between the girls. “I’m not sure there’s anything more we could do. It’s a miracle they’re willing to negotiate at all.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Kit aggressively says, she feels Jade tighten her hold.

“Look, I’ve been with these people almost a year now. They…don’t negotiate, Kit.”

“What—you’re saying—” Kit’s throat is dry. “Dad, what—”

“Relax, I would never let anything happen to Jade.” He says as his eyes steady on Jade. “We just have to keep an eye on her, especially with Manny on a rampage.”

Jade is already shaking her head, and speaks for the first time in minutes, “No, no. I can’t stay.”

“Jade…” Kit says.

“I have to go, Mads.” Jade says, simple as. “I have to get to the island.”

Madmartigan gives her a calculating look, and steadies his gaze for a whole minute before he says, “Just until he calms down and I know it’s safe.”

Jade doesn’t argue, she shakes her head, looking away from them. Kit wants to shake her, opens her mouth to start an argument right then and there, but she doesn’t.

Because it’s the last thing Jade needs right now.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Madmartigan says, walking backwards towards the door. “I told them Kit would be staying here tonight.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Kit says, but her body is already pulling her towards Jade, who is looking down at the ground.

When she hears the door click shut, Kit turns fully towards Jade, heart in her throat. She places a palm on her cheek, soft in her touch in ways she only is with Jade. She gives her a smile, a soft one, a reassuring one. Kit wants to argue and yell, yes, but mostly she just wants Jade right now. Their reunion after hours being separated rewires her nerves right again. She feels exhausted in that malleable way now, despite her brain yelling at her to catch up.

No. She just wants Jade.

“Hey,” She says, softly, letting her other hand land in the back of Jade’s neck, trapping her in Kit’s orbit. “How are you feeling?”

“I…don’t know,” Jade answers, and she catching the slight quirk on the corner of her mouth. “I can’t believe Mads’ here.”

“I know,” Kit mumbles, resting her hand with the other at the back of Kit’s neck. “I still keeping thinking he’s not real and he’ll disappear.”

“He won’t,” Jade says firmly. “He won’t.”

Kit nods once, eyes studying her face, the bruise from the man who butted her head with his rifle at the school, at the freckles she memorized with her eyes closed. She kisses her favorite one on the corner of Jade’s lower lip, which earns her a crooked smirk that is too quick to wipe away. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“They won’t hurt you.” Kit continues, voice soft as a feather, fingers now tangled with each other behind Jade’s neck. “I promise.”

Jade only hums, and rests her forehead against Kit’s. She takes a deep breath, like she’s breathing Kit in, then she’s still convincing herself that she’s there. That Kit didn’t leave her. As if Kit could ever. “I love you.”

Kit’s heart stutters and squeezes in her chest. This might be the first time Jade’s said it unprompted, not in reply to Kit. She feels her heart swell, ignores the way her throat closes up, and the way her eyes sting.

Kit looks down, can’t help the wide grin, all shy and flustered. “I love you, too.”

It’s Jade who leans in this time, giving Kit a kiss on both cheeks, her nose, her forehead, all over her face, making Kit squirm and giggle like a schoolgirl with a crush. Finally, their lips meet in a soft press. Kit hums contentedly against Jade, breathing her in like she might swallow her whole if she tried hard enough.

They separate with full on grins. “I still can’t believe we get to do that.” Jade says, shyly, like she wasn’t planning on saying it.

“I can try all day to make you believe it, if you want.” Kit says, running her fingers up Jade’s arms she loves so much. She doesn’t let her go, she can’t.

Jade smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Kit can still see her hands shaking. Jade then places both hands on Kit’s shoulder, lightly messaging them. “We should sleep.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kit says, turning her head to meet Jade’s flickering eyes.

“No.” Jade answers, truthfully. “But I will be.”

Kit gives her a tentative smile, despite the unsettling feeling she gets from those words.“Yes, you will be.”

Climbing onto the small bed first, Kit waits till Jade is sprawled on her back before she lowers herself fully against her. She curls further against Jade, practically on top of her, her heartbeats against her ears calming her own.

She almost lost Jade way too many times these last few days, and her fingers clinging to her shirt right now is testament of how Kit feels about that.

It almost brings her to tears right now.

When they were younger, Kit found herself developing a need to make sure Jade felt safe with her in Tir Asleen. She found it her personal duty to ensure she’d be available to protect her when kids teased her, and if she wasn’t she made sure to always address it when she finds out. If she heard about it—that is—because Jade would never tell her. She’d find a bruise, or a scratch, or a bleeding nose before her fingers tightened in anger.

Of course, Jade always protected herself, but Kit wanted it to be her too. Wanted Jade to know that Kit’s got her, always.

Now, it’s an intrinsic need, and having it tested so many times has Kit feeling off-kilter.

“I’m okay,” Jade says, likely feeling how tense Kit is right now. Kit only hums in response, fingers still intertwined with the hem of Jade’s shirt, cheeks fully squished against Jade’s sternum. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Though Kit’s body doesn’t lie as well as her tongue. Now that her father is out of sight, she begins to fidget. She doesn’t know these people, she doesn’t trust them with her father or with Jade. No matter how much her father does.

“Kit—”

“Jade,” Kit interrupts, not wanting to get into it right now. “I’m fine. Asking me again won’t change the answer.”

She feels Jade stiffen against her, and Kit’s guilt washes over her like a wave.

Truth is, Kit is completely overwhelmed. Everything this day has brought on was blow after blow against her already tilting emotional well-being. Kit was never shy about sharing how she feels to Jade, she created a safe haven of sorts in the crook of her neck and between her arms. So, it puts her even more out of whack when she finds it not that difficult to keep how she’s feeling within herself. It almost scares her, because she never experienced it before. Is she upset at Jade? Does she really, truly, blame her deep inside for her father’s abduction? Is that why she doesn’t want to talk to her about it?

The questions close off her airways, her throat suddenly dry.

No, of course she doesn’t. She wouldn’t be clutching onto her like she’s her lifeline if she did. She just needsJade to let her settle into it first, comprehend the last few hours in total peace now that she isn’t separated from her anymore.

Despite Jade still being stiff, she nuzzles closer. The audacity of her isn’t lost on her.

Jade doesn’t say anything, lets her get closer until she couldn’t be anymore.

She feels Jade take a deep breath before she fully feels her let it go.

She’s grateful, so she closes her eyes in hopes that sleep finds her sooner rather than later.

The moment Kit opens her eyes, she feels the tense air.  

She found Jade awake, in the same position they were in before she slept, staring up the ceiling. “Did you not sleep?”

Jade’s answer is a hum. “Couldn’t.”

She lifts her head, frowning. “I’m sorry.”

Jade’s eyes meet hers. “Nothing to apologize for, princess.” Kit melts.

“Well, I bet you could get a few shut eye before anyone—”

Kit’s interrupted by Jade shaking her head. It makes Kit sit up, and Jade follows suit. A weird, tentative expression on her face. For some reason, it sends Kit’s insides into a panic. “Jade—”

“I have to go, Kit.” It looks like it was forced out of Jade.

And Kit feels like all air is being punched out of her.

“I have to find Lili, and I have to make her pay for what she’s done.” Jade says, too calmly for Kit’s liking. “For what she’s done to all of us.”

“Jade, please.” It’s all Kit can do. Beg and beg and beg. Because she knew. She knew the moment she told Jade about her father, and a look washed over her face, she knew Jade will not stop.

“I can’t just stay here.” Jade says, firmly this time. “I won’t.”

“Then don’t.” Kit says, and for the first time, asks, “Let’s just go back. Me, you, my dad. Let’s go to Tir Asleen, where it’s safe!”

Jade’s face twists in disbelief, a frown deepening and her mouth lowers. She stands and moves away from Kit, and Kit sighs. Regretting the words she let out in her desperation.

“Safe?” Jade lets out, words laced with a bitter laugh. “There is no safe place in this world, Kit. Not with her still out there. Alive!”

Kit feels her own anger building too, “I know—”

“No, you don’t know!” Jade says, her hands shake. “Not when you’re asking me to turn back!”

Kit looks down at her hands. She has nothing to say. She recognizes the selfishness in her own request.

“I’m not asking you to come with me. In fact, I’m asking you to take your father to Tir Asleen.” Jade says, and Kit’s head snaps up. “Take him back.”

“What?” Kit asks, in total disbelief in what she’s hearing. “What—you’re going after her alone? Are you insane?”

“I have to try.” Jade says, with a shrug. “I know how to get there, I’m extremely skilled in keeping stealth. It’ll be quick.”

“Jade—”

“I can’t live with this—” She doesn’t say guilt, but Kit hears it all the same.

“This isn’t a you or him situation, Jade.” Kit says bitterly.

“You’re right,” Jade says, “This isn’t a me or him situation because I’m not letting it be. Go with your father, Kit. He needs you.”

Hearing Jade asking her to leave her for the second time doesn’t lessen the blow of it. It makes her so angry and appalled, it’s almost comical. She’d laugh if it wasn’t at the expense of Jade’s feelings.

I need you! Kit wants to scream back. I need you!

Instead, her defenses skyrocket. “So, you’re leaving,” She says. “Again. You’re leaving again.”

Jade only looks at her like she’s trying to figure out how Kit came up with that conclusion. It only pisses her off more.

“Of course!” Kit says, with a shrug, a bitter laugh escaping her. “God, Jade. Can you be more predictable?” She hurls, aiming to injure. Aiming to make a twin to the burning heart inside her chest. “You’re leaving. You’re choosing to leave. AGAIN!”

Jade frowns, deeply and Kit can’t even be proud of getting what she wanted, at being successful of hurting Jade. Instead, she hangs on to those survival instincts she built all those years ago. Hurt them before they hurt you. It strokes Kit’s ego, but it never gives Kit what she wants. And what she wants right now is for Jade to stay.

“After everything…” Kit murmurs, her voice the beginning telltale of a sob that she hopes won’t escape. Because she’s angry, it burns the depth of her. She’s done everything, everything, to be enough. To be a strong enough a reason for Jade to save herself. To stay. To not completely lose herself behind the walls of vengeance. “I—I want you to choose me.”

“Talk about predictability.” Jade says, her honey voice turned poison, aimed at Kit. It almost makes the sob stuck in Kit’s throat escape. Her hands shake, evidence of her emotions she just won’t let Kit in on. “Kit Tanthalos, making everything about herself. Again!” Kit’s eyes fall to the way Jade’s rubbing her wrists. Her heart breaks at being the reason for it. At the mere sight of it. “Since you wanna talk about yourself so badly, fine! Your father came back! Mine isn’t ever going to because I saw him get beaten to death right in front of me by someone who is HERE!” She says the last few words so fast, so loud, like she’s willing understanding into Kit’s mind. “And you’re asking me to go back to Tir Asleen?”

“That’s not—”

“You are!” Jade says. “And you know what sucks? truly, really sucks!? Is that if you were in my shoes, I would have never let you choose.”

And Kit doesn’t say how much of a lie that is, knowing Jade to her core.

A sob did escape then. Not of guilt, not of shame, not of anything. It is purely and truly because she is watching Jade choose revenge over her.  

Every approach failed, every course of action Jade saw through.

“I’m not giving you the option to come with me anymore, Kit.” Jade says, shaking her head. “Not with Madmartigan back. Not after everything I’ve learned. Not after everything I’ve done.”

Kit can only sob more. She feels Jade closer, then feels her calloused hands on her cheeks. She leans for a soft kiss, one that Kit can’t not reciprocate, it’s salty and tastes of tears, but she kisses her back. “I love you so much, Kit. So, so much.”

Then she pulls away, every cell in Kit’s body is on fire.

“You’re going to be fine without me.” Jade’s voice wobbles, her eyes waterfalls of tears, because despite everything, Jade doesn’t want to intentionally hurt Kit. But Kit’s mind doesn’t even comprehend such lies. Like her brain cannot fathom Jade spewing lies so easily, not without the world exploding. Because doesn’t she get it by now? Doesn’t she understand that Kit would turn to ash and rubble without her? That she’d cease the moment that Jade does? That their souls are intertwined in the most elaborate means, created from years of broken souls desperate for each other? Did Kit not convey that enough? “But I won’t be until She’s dealt with. She took too much from so many people.”

Kit’s crying too, but in a way where all her muscles are tense, and the only signs of her emotions are the tears streaming down her cheeks and her clenched jaw and fists. Kit knows that Jade is pushing her away, and knows her to her bones to know that she’s doing it because she believes that she doesn’t deserve Kit. Which is as frustrating as it is idiotic. “I have to be the one to put an end to this. And you’re going to have to let me.”

Kit takes a breath.

And Jade is right.

Kit is selfish.

“Hey! Open up!” She yells by the door, slamming her fist.

“Kit, what are you—”

“She’s planning on sneaking out,” Kit says to the first person that opens the door, but her eyes remain on Jade. Her jaw tight, her eyes glassy. “Double the guards by the door.”

“What the fuck, Kit?”

“I’m so sorry, Jade.” Kit says, holding the doors open for herself. “But I can’t sit back and watch you get yourself killed.”  

Chapter Text

Jade is lying on the ground with her knees pulled up and forearms resting on them. She’s been ruminating for a while, and her anger hasn’t seemed to simmer down much.  Her eyes focus on the far wall, her teeth gritting against each other, willing her to calm down.

It’s a tough predicament to be in. Understanding why Kit did what she did, but being angry at her for it all the same. She believed that it was truly hard to be angry at someone when you understand why they did what they did, yet here she is.

Anger barely boiling over.

It’s having her choice ripped from her is what angered her the most. Having someone make the decision for her is what triggered Jade’s anger, and is what is keeping it going.

She hears the door unlock, and as soon as the door open, Jade is on her feet and is running towards it. She recognizes Kit entering immediately but she addresses the guards outside instead. “I want to talk to Madmartigan.”

They don’t even entertain a response to her, she hears Kit behind her in the room call her name tentatively. Then she’s being shoved inside by her bad shoulder and the door is locked. She groans, holding her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” She hears behind her.

“FUCK!” Jade yells, slamming a fist against the metal door, ignoring how the pain reverberated down her arm and up to her bad shoulder.

She doesn’t even look at Kit as she turns around, fists clenched, her breathing labored.

When Jade hears feet shuffling behind her, she couldn’t help turning towards her. Kit is holding a tray of food, and she can’t help but scoff. “Got out on good behavior?”

Kit flinches, and hesitates for a second before placing the tray on an empty desk. Swallowing deeply before she says, “You need to eat.”

Jade resists the urge to smack the tray, instead looked away for a second to take a deep breath and compose herself. A part of her wants to turn away fully, but she couldn’t. Not really. Not with Kit. Her chest twists painfully, but she resists the natural part of her that is drawn to the other girl.

With her silent, Kit sits down on the bed. “I’m really sorry, Jade. I just needed to give you some time to think about what you’re doing.”

Jade shakes her head, “That isn’t your choice to make.” Then she finally looks at her. She looks terrible. Dark circles and pale face under the fluorescent lights. Jade probably looks even worst. “Taking it away from me is just really shitty.”

“I did it because I love you!” Kit says, her face stricken. “You would have done the same to me!”

“I left Tir Asleen every morning to look for your father with you until you decided to stop a year later!” Jade retorts. “I didn’t stop you even knowing how dangerous it was!”

“That’s—” Kit shakes her head. “That’s different, and you know it! I wasn’t purposefully going directly to my death.”

“I’m not purposefully—” Jade sighs and she has to look away again. “I’m not discussing this with you. Tell them to let me go.” Jade says stonily, ignoring her argument.

Kit crosses her arms, “I don’t have that authority.”

“Fix this, Kit!” Jade says, her voice desperate, praying Kit takes this chance at redeeming what they have. “I’m begging you!”

Kit raises her chin stubbornly, and looks down.

Jade lets out a disbelieving chuckle. “If you’re not going to do anything, then get out.”

That gets Kit out of her act.

Kit frowns, and uncrosses her arms. She lets out a disbelieving scoff, “Jade…”

“I’m serious, Kit.” Jade murmurs, doing her best contain her emotions. “Leave.”

Jade understands the feeling of being alone. She’s lived it after her mother passed, she lived it when Bruce and them found her, she lived it in the first few weeks with Ballentine. Jade knows that she’s only absolved of that feeling of loneliness when she begins to trust someone. She first felt it with Anne, when she gave her a kind smile and began giving her larger food portions. She felt it with Ballentine, when he carried her despite a gaping bite wound was dripping down his leg, unknowing of her immunity. She felt it with Kit, when she chose Jade over and over.

She doesn’t feel it anymore.

And it feels like a looming reminder hanging over her head, telling her that, right now, she has no one.

Kit won’t let her go on to do what she needed to do.

And despite what she told Kit, she understands why she sold her out.

It doesn’t make it hurt less.

She clenches her fists as she hears Kit move, and falls to her knees as she hears the door click shut behind her.

A sob escapes her lips.

Loneliness is so suffocating.

The tightness in Kit’s chest hasn’t subsided since she left Jade’s room.

No, that’s not it.

Since she was kicked out of Jade’s room.

She feels a lump in her throat now. The way Jade told her to leave was very reminiscent of an awful night a few months ago. It sets an ugly feeling in her that wraps itself into every nerve and then translate itself into an ugly outcome.

It could be Kit and Jade not talking for a week.

It could be Jade telling Kit to leave.

And Kit’s worst fear? Jade finally having enough of it and truly leaving.

It’s happening before her eyes, and Kit is scrambling to prevent it from happening.

She spent the previous hour curled on her bed facing the wall, having returned here after leaving Jade. She feels her skin prickle every time she remembers Jade’s betrayed look.

Her door knocks, and she jumps.

Her heart hoping, begging, for it to be Jade.

She hadn’t realized she’s been crying until she finds her shirt damp and sticking to her skin. She wipes her face aggressively with her hands.

“Hey,” She hears her father’s voice. It’s surprising how can easily calm her down, even just a little, after all these years.

“Hey.” Kit replies, still curled into herself.

“Are you okay?”

Kit doesn’t answer. Instead, she asks, “How’s Shimmer?”

“She’s doing great. You know, you’re cleared to leave the room.” Her father continues. “You can go see her. Even come upstairs with me…”

“I’m not leaving Jade down here.”

“Yeah, I gathered that.” She hears him sigh, and it irritates her. Did he seriously think Kit would go live upstairs with him and his new crew and leave Jade down her to rot?

“You know,” Madmartigan starts, “I never told you how I escaped the island.”

Kit sits up slightly at that, then she turns back to look back. Kit hated hearing him talk about that time so much that she couldn’t find it in herself to ask. She doesn’t think she can handle seeing her father shake again.

“It wasn’t my own doing. I wasn’t able to escape successfully on my own.” Her father is staring at the far wall, his hands clasped on his lap. “I got help from two siblings. Lev and Yara. You met Lev, but Yara—Yara passed when we were trying to make our escape.” He takes a deep breath and looks at the ground then. “It isn’t my story to tell, but they wanted out. And I couldn’t have made it out without them.”

Kit frowns in concentration, hanging onto her father’s every letter.

“Their father was assigned as my cell guard, and Yara—the sweet soul—would sometimes come and clean my wounds when she was old enough to be her father’s replacement.” There is a hint of a smile on Madmartigan’s face. “I owe her my life.”

Kit swallows. She kind of regrets being an ass to Lev now.

“They heard of Toth’s resistance group out in the mainland, and they were determined to get here. They were determined to shut the Wyrm down because of everything they’d seen. Everything they’d been through. So, after years of being my guard, Yara was able to sneak me out and we were able to escape. But when we got to the little boat—Lev already there—Yara got an arrow to her head.”

Kit closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I only survived because Lev was brave enough to row us out of there. We got to safety, Lev and I, and found Toth’s people shortly after.”

Kit stays silent.

“They told me what happened between you and Jade.”

“I had to.” Kit sniffles, and sits up, resting her back on the backwall to look at her father. “She looked so cold.” her voice was so small to her own ears. “So upset. I can’t get her face out of my head.” Kit squeezes her eyes shut, and she takes a deep breath. “She’s going to get herself killed.”

Kit’s voice is made of steel, and despite what she’s done, she’s still so angry at Jade.

“I know,” Her father says, and Kit feels her heart feel lighter at having someone finally agree with her. “But that’s not your choice to make.”

Well, so much for fucking that.

She bristles in anger. “You don’t get it. None of you do.”

She hears her father take a deep breath.

“I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and—and I feel like I just lost her forever.” Kit says through tears. “You have to understand that I didn’t take her choice away on purpose! I just—I can’t begin to imagine being without her. She’s—” Kit sniffles and looks away. “You didn’t see her, Dad. Her face—when she talks about Lili—”

“That’s who she’s looking for, isn’t it?” Madmartigan asks, latching on to the last sentence. “In the Island?”

Kit nods, slowly.

“Why?”

Kit looks down, her eyes a waterfall by now. “She—a group of them infiltrated Tir Asleen patrol routes and found Ballentine.”

She leaves the implication out in the open.

“Shit,” Her father curses.

“And in happened right in front of us. In front of her.” Kit says through her tears. Another sniffle. “She hasn’t been the same since. Barely been sleeping and eating right. Had to force feed her at some point, and I just—” a sob. “I just want her to be okay.”

Madmartigan is silent for a while, then he speaks. “I know Jade’s anger. I saw it in other people, and I feel it etched into my bones. They hurt a lot of people, Kit.”

“They aren’t going to stop just because Jade killed Lili.” Kit spits out.

“No,” Her father answered. “The Wyrm may have some non-believers, but most believe that he is truly going to save them all. With Lili dead, sure it’ll shake their foundation a little, but the Wyrm will find another Crone, as he always does.”

“Exactly! So Jade is doing all this just to get herself killed!”

“Kit, you can’t stop her.” Her father says. “I know exactly the type of anger that’s in Jade, and you cannot ask her to stop.”  

Kit lets out a sob, and her father holds out an arm and Kit falls into it greedily.

“It shouldn’t be this hard.” She murmurs through sobs. “And now she hates me—”

“She doesn’t hate you.” Her father quickly says, but Kit notices a tremor run through his voice. It briefly occurs to her that he just learned of a loss of an old close friend of his. “Jade can never hate you.”

Kit cries into her father’s arms for a while, letting herself be comforted by his presence. After her crying has subsided, she sits up and looks at him. “At this point, I can live with her hating me as long as she lives.” She says, despite the fact that it feels so wrong to say. She couldn’t live with Jade hating her. Not really. “Let’s go back. All of us. To Tir Asleen. Let’s take you home, Dad.”

Her father gives her a small smile, “I’d love to go home, Kitty. I’d love to go see Mom and Airk. I’ve dreamed of it for years. But I won’t force Jade to come with us.”

“I’m not leaving without her.” Kit says, firmly.

“Then we’re staying.”

Kit gets up, frustrated. She walks to the furthest wall, hands roughly scratching against her eyes as she feels her heartbeats in her ears, anger begging to be let out. “Okay, okay—This is fucking—alright,” she murmurs to herself, trying to calm down, trying not to completely flip on her poor father. Trying to understand how everyone cannot understand how this is completely fucked. She brings her hands down her face. “Um, I think I need a minute.”

She doesn’t care how her voice wobble throughout the sentence.

“Sure thing, Kitty.” Her father sounds defeated, but he leaves as requested.

Kit wants to scream.

She wonders how soundproof is this room.

Jade is dizzy. So dizzy. She feels nauseous, and the room feels like it’s spinning from where she’s sitting on the bed.

She hasn’t eaten, or drank anything in so long.

Jade’s anger doesn’t subside either, but it lowers to a simmer when Toth walks in. Mel or any other one of his lackeys isn’t with him. He obviously doesn’t see Jade as a threat as he walks in quietly, and swipes a seat and takes it. All while the sound of the door locking behind him echoes around the room.

Jade doesn’t move from her spot on the bed, and stares him down because it all she had.

“So, you know Lili.” He says, his voice a rumble that seeps into Jade’s skin.

“Is that a question?” Jade calmly says, not really asking.

Toth chuckles, a weird sounding thing. “You’re funny. Mads didn’t say you were funny.”

“I’m not.”

Toth stays quiet, and Jade forces herself to meet his eyes still, ignoring the shame and guilt churning in the pit of her stomach over the life she took with her bare hands. When he speaks again, Jade feels his voice in her ribcage. “You know, Owen was one of our best. An idiot sometimes, but he had a good heart. He was dedicated and loyal to the cause. Has lost and suffered just like the rest of us.” He gestures around the room. “He was expecting a child in about two months.”

Jade swallows the lump in her throat, clears her throat, and says, “Why the fuck are you telling me this for?” Her voice comes out scratchy and rough. Her calmps her sweaty hands together, trying to hear him over her loud heartbeats.

“Because I need you to remember it when I let you out of here.” He says, his eyes focused, and it reminds Jade that this man is a leader of an entire rebellion. “I need you to remember that despite the destruction you’ve caused to that man’s family, I’m letting you out.” He scoots closer and looks her dead in the eyes, “So when you get there, you better not fucking miss.”

Jade’s heart stutters, “You’re letting me out.” Jade tried not to phrase it like a question.

Toth looks at her for a second, and then he leans back in the chair, “Mads says you’re a good kid, always had a kind heart.” He speaks, though Jade can tell he doesn’t really believe it. “Can’t really believe it, but I’m choosing to trust him.”

“Is that all he said about me?” Jade asks, her face taut in caution.

Toth smiles, then. Smiles. And clasps his own hands together. “The Children of the Wyrm killed every last one of my family members, brutally. Right in front of me. That’s what they do. They don’t punish you. Not really. They string you up until you’ve bled dry. Until you beg them to kill you.” Jade looks away, tries not to think about how familiar that feeling is. “Not many people are willing to go back to that island, Jade. If I get a willing participant, I’m letting them go. I don’t give a fuck about your immunity. Hell, it might just up your chances.”

Jade isn’t surprised that Mads told him, she’s surprised how much he doesn’t give a shit about it. She doesn’t care that he’s letting her go for his own vengeful reason. She doesn’t care that everyone seems to think that it’s a suicide mission.

She is given an out, and she sure as hell is going to take it.

She nods at Toth, an understand running between them.

The door knocks, and Mads walks in carrying a plate of food. When he sees Toth, he gives him a nod. “When is she leaving?” He puts the tray beside Jade on the bed, and points at it like. “You look like shit, kid. Eat.” Jade tries not to groan like a teenager at being force fed by Mads. That particular trait must run in the family.

“As soon as possible.” Toth says, “Can’t just let her go no questions asked, though, so we have to stage some sort of distraction and let her out back.”

Mads nods.

“Wait, you knew about this?” Jade asks, pointing to Toth but is looking at Mads.

Mads shrugs, both hands on his hips. “If you’re going regardless, I’d rather you do it safely. I owe it to Ballentine.”

His eyes linger on Jade’s for a while, confirming her suspicions. Mads knows Ballentine’s dead, and he’s fucking angry about it.

“Wring her neck for me, yeah?”

Jade doesn’t nod, she doesn’t have to. He knows she will do everything in her power to see Lili dead.

They spend the next few hours discussing Jade’s angle. They tell her all about the island, what she should expect. She already knew they used primitive weapons from Mims, but the level of infected in the area is reduced marginally compared to the mainland. They tell her that the island is mainly unoccupied, but the deeper you go, the more signs of life will appear sporadically. “Most of the huts in the outer edge are soldier posts, but then the residential area begins to appear the more you go in.” Mads says. Residential, they say, and right in the middle of the island is where they Wyrm is.

“And where there is a Wyrm, there is a Crone.” Mads says.

“Lili?” Jade asks, even though she is certain at this point, and Mads nods.

A guard walks in then, and Jade studies the hall behind him. Empty. White.  “Commander.” He calls, nodding once towards Mads before returning his gaze towards Toth. “Skirmishes west of the city. Need your approval to investigate.”

“What does Mel say?” Toth says, no sign of panic in his eyes.

“She wants to initiate an investigation.”

“Put the report on my desk, I’ll need to read it fully.” Toth speaks. The man nods once, and leaves, closing the door behind him.

When Toth and Mads begin to stand to leave shortly after, Jade thanks Toth.

“I’m not doing it for you,” He makes sure she knows. “But you mean a lot to him,” He points to Mads, “and you want Lili dead.”

“Thank you, anyway.” Jade says, and he nods, once slowly, and walks out. Jade turns to Mads, “Before I leave, I need to talk to Kit.”

Mads takes a deep breath, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m fucking pissed at her, but—” Jade takes a deep breath. “I can’t leave without saying anything.”

“You know she’ll do anything to stop you,” Mads says.

“There won’t be any guards around to stop me,” Jade says, confidently.

Mads stops for a second, then nods.

“And Mads, no matter what, don’t let her come after me.” Jade says, voice low. “This journey has taken a toll on her, and it should end here. She doesn’t need to see the rest.”

Mads nods once, and points to the cold tray of food now, “Finish this. Regain your strength.”

All Jade has to do now wait, and do just that.

Ballentine and Jade probably look like a set of twins with their checkered flannels, matching frowns and matching statures.

They’re watching two men drill a hole to the side of their house with their arms crossed, eyes scrunching against the scorching sun, and probably a scowl on their faces.

“I didn’t think she’d actually ask for one.” Jade mumbles, almost to herself, almost embarrassed of what Ballentine will think of their relationship.

Because surely asking for a door to gain direct access to your best friend’s room doesn’t constitute as normal.

But as always, Jade digresses.

“She asked me for permission yesterday.” Ballentine says, then turns to look at Jade. “Yesterday!”

It’s true. Ballentine said yes one minute, and people were bulldozing the side of their house the next.

“Well, what did you expect?” Jade turns to him with a giggle. “It’s Kit.”

“You’re right.” Ballentine says, shaking his head. “I should’ve said no—Hey! No that’s not—Oh for fuck’s—”

And he’s gone before Jade can stop him. Jade spends the rest of the afternoon watching people work on the door, and watching Ballentine yell at them that they’re doing it wrong.

Later that night, the knocking on that same door triggers a chuckle from Jade, because she knows exactly who would knock like that for their first knock. Her smile only increases once she hears Kit giggling outside. The sound is peculiar but Jade is sure Kit only let it out because she thinks she’s alone.

She yanks the door open, her smile not faltering. “Hey, miss giggle pants.”

“Shut up,” Kit frowns then runs a hand through her hair, trying to act cool, then she runs her hands over the door’s frame, her eyes sparkling. “Look at what I did. What do you say, Jade?”

“You sure as hell didn’t lift a finger to put that door together and second, you did this for you. Stop pretending it’s for me. No one is buying it.”

Kit only saunters in happily, “Look how quick I can be in your room!” She ignores Jade’s remarks and throws herself back onto Jade’s bed. “This is my best idea yet.”

“Uh huh,” Jade says, crossing her arms. But then Kit stares at the ceiling in a way that prickles Jade’s skin. “You okay?”

Jade tries to ask casually because she knows Kit won’t really tell her on her first try. Because when Kit’s upset, it starts showing throughout her body, and Kit lets it. She exudes her need to talk about it until Jade is begging her to speak so they can fix it.

They’re different in that way.

When Jade is upset and doesn’t want to talk about it, Jade will summon all her willpower to not let an inkling spill.

Kit only hums, “Fine.”

Jade nudges Kit’s foot with her thigh as she looms over her, “You sure?”

Kit’s eyes flicker to her.

“You were happy about the door a minute ago,” Jade says, still looking down at her.

“I was,” Kit says, and looks back at the ceiling. “I am. It has nothing to do with that.”

“So, you ARE upset!” Jade says, tasting victory. “What is it? Tell me.”

Kit sighs, dramatically. “Mom told me to stop looking for Dad,” Kit says, and lifts herself up on her forearms. “and so, I quit training.”

“What?” Jade says, shaking her head slightly. “She told you to stop?”

“Yes, she told me to stop. And did you not hear me? I said I’m quitting training. It means we won’t see each other every morning—”  

“No, yeah, I heard you.” Jade says, still trying to process her words. “Did she tell you why you needed to stop?”

“Wow, glad to know our morning training means nothing to you.” Kit says, flopping back on her back, and Jade can see her hands clench into fists.

“Kit, stop,” Jade holds a hand out and sits on the bed facing her. “What’s this about stopping to look for your dad? did she say why?”

Kit shrugs, “It’s pointless, and we’re endangering ourselves.” She rolls her head to look at Jade. “I’m endangering you.”

“What? no you’re not.” Jade says, a frown pulling at her face.

“I mean…” Kit says as she looks away. “Technically, I am. Anyways, she banned us from leaving.” Kit rolls her eyes.

“Well,” Jade studies her face for a while. “we’ll sneak out…”

Kit shakes her head, eyes still on the ceiling. “It’s been a year, he’s—I don’t know—not there.”

Jade knows that she wants to say dead.

“We’ve pushed the patrol limits enough times to know that he’s not here anymore.”

Jade stays silent for a bit, then she holds one of Kit’s fists in her hand, testing. When Kit unclenches and intertwines their fingers, Jade’s shoulders relaxes.

“I’m sorry.” Jade mumbles, her thumb rubbing circles on the back of Kit’s pale hands.

“Me too.” Jade can tell Kit’s eyes are glassy, but she doesn’t acknowledge it. She takes a deep breath, then looks at Jade. “And training?”

Jade smirks, “I’ll miss you, but you were miserable.”

Kit hated following Lachlan’s orders to her bones.

Kit’s quirks one side of her lip once, looking down at their hands, “Yeah, I was.”

“We’ll schedule a session. Just the two of us.” Jade says, lying down with her. “What do you think?”

“Aren’t you busy?” Kit says, concern lacing her voice and face. “I don’t wanna disrupt your schedule.”

Jade’s already shaking her head, “I’ll make time. Don’t worry about it.”

That earns her a smile, and Jade has to look away because they were close and Jade could just reach over and—

She sighs out loud instead, ignoring how Kit’s still burning a hole to the side of her head.

She studies the cracks on the ceiling instead.

“Ballentine hates the door, by the way.” Jade says.

“Wha—” Kit sits up on her elbows. “Why? It’s not like anyone else is going to use it but me.”

Jade only gives her a smug smile.

“No one is going to use it, right?” Kit says, accentuating every word. “Who else do you fucking know enough that they’d come through that door?” She lazily gestures towards the door.

Jade only shrugs, smug smile still on her face. “You never know, Kit. I’m a prized possession around these parts.”

“You’re just gonna bring a girl through that door? Yeah, right. I dare you!” Kit says, sitting up and crossing her legs, looking down at Jade.

“You quite literally opened the flood gates of babes waiting for access to me.” Jade says, all haughty and annoying. “I’m going to have to fend them off every night!”

“Ew!” Kit says, smacking her thigh, and Jade cackles out loud at Kit’s frustration. “You fucking won’t. You’ll give me the key to that door, is what you’re gonna do. And only I’ll have access to it, not even you, and I’m gonna keep it locked all day. Opening it ONLY when I come over.”

Jade keeps laughing throughout her declaration. She’s still laughing as she says, “Are you done?”

Kit only gives her a dirty look as she looks back at the door, like it personally offended her. “I’m ripping that shit off the walls, I don’t care. And you’re not funny.”

Jade holds both hands up in surrender, letting go of Kit’s hand in the process, then immediately returns to holding it when she catches the look on Kit’s face. “I’m sorry. About your dad.”

Kit takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly while staring at the ceiling. She looks down at Jade and gives her a small smile. “Yeah, me too.” Kit lets out a groan, “Well, that just dampened the fucking mood. Look what I got to celebrate!”

She reaches into her jacket’s inside pocket and pulls out a bottle and a warm liquid sloshing inside.

“You raided the alcohol cabinet?” Jade chuckles softly.

“Listen,” Kit says, face scrunching as she struggles to twist the bottle open. “We’re almost old enough for actual patrol now—”

“I’m already old enough for that.” Jade interrupt.

“And that means we’re old enough to drink.” Kit ignores Jade. “And hey, it’s a safe environment. No one will know.”

“Then you’re gonna have to sleepover tonight.” Jade says, “I’m not letting you wander off drunk off your ass.”

“My hero,” Kit smiles, then tries to twist the bottle open again.

“Give me that,” Jade rolls her eyes. With one twist, Jade gets the bottle open, and to celebrate, she gets first swig.

“Hey!” Kit says, grabbing the bottle from her. Jade makes a face as the alcohol burns down her throat. “You—you’ve had alcohol before?”

Jade just shrugs, “Yeah? I’m sixteen.”

“When?”

“Remember when you got really sick and missed like a week of practice? I went out with the older kids one night and they had a bunch.”

Jade remembers that night. She was fifteen and had a long winning streak in training, so she was feeling great about herself that day. So when they asked her to join them for a drink, Jade just shrugged and followed along.

“So when I was on my deathbed, you were out with the older kids drinking?”

Jade rolls her eyes. “you weren’t on your deathbed. Now, come on, take a sip. See if you like it.”

Kit definitely likes it.

She made a face, of course, but after a while, they were passing the bottle between them back and forth.

They’re giggly. Too giggly. Jade has to clasp a hand on Kit’s mouth so Ballentine doesn’t come to investigate.

Everything is funny.

At first.

But then they become subdued, Kit’s head resting on Jade’s shoulder. She’s being quiet. Too quiet. But Jade doesn’t push. She gets up, despite slight protest from Kit, and digs through her clothes. She finds a pair of shorts and a tank top. “Here,” She throws them to Kit, who doesn’t even attempt to catch them and lets the PJs fall on her face. Jade is graced with a groan. “I’m gonna throw up.”

“Oh hell no you’re not.” Jade moves quickly—only stumbling once—and helps Kit stand. Kit sways in her spot for a few seconds, and Jade cradles her head so Kit has to look into her eyes. “Change. And don’t throw up.”

Kit rolls her eyes, then winces and rubs her temples. She slowly moves towards the bed and grabs the PJs. She doesn’t waste time taking off her shirt, her jacket long discarded.

“Whoa!” Jade says, turning around. “Uh—a warning would have been nice.”

“Too much work. Don’t care.” Kit mumbles.

Jade can still hear her shuffling behind her. She only turns when she hears her grunt and the bed bouncing back. She turns back, grabbing Kit’s discarding clothes. She has to sit on the ground when she bent down to grab her jeans and felt the world spin. She sits there for a minute, her eyes clothes.

“Why are you on the ground, Jade?” She hears Kit mumble behind her, her words slurred.

“I think there’s an earthquake.” Jade mumbles to herself, squeezing her eyes shut.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Jade replies, blinking her eyes open.

Okay. No earthquake.

“Come here.” Kit’s voice is muffled so she must have her face mushed to the pillow.

Jade continues to blink a few times, trying to get her vision completely back.

“Jade!”

“Alright!” Jade gets up, leaning her weight on the bed, and throws herself back on it. Jade swallows the bile the went up from all the sudden movements and closes her eyes. She lets Kit snuggle up against her side, but when she feels her throw a leg over her hip, and her breath against her neck, Jade has to think carefully how to remove herself from this situation.

She can’t.

Not without Kit throwing a tantrum.

“You’re so warm.”

Fuck.

“And kind.”

Fuck!

“The best friend in the entire world.”

She swallows, and keeps her eyes closed. This is her own personal hell.

“I love you.” Kit hums.

She says it so softly and gently, Jade thinks she might have hallucinated it.

Kit has said it before. Sober. On her birthdays, when they’re laughing so hard, when they say goodbye. Jade just hopes Kit hasn’t noticed that Jade has stopped saying it back.

But it was always thrown out.

This feels deliberate. Unnecessary.

Or Jade is only hoping.

Kit drifts, and soon enough Jade follows.

Jade wakes with a gasp that she slams her hand against her mouth to cover as soon as she felt Kit’s leg still draped over her.

Her heart is hammering, her skin is clammy, and her head is pounding against her skull. She lowers her hand after she was sure she wasn’t going to scream again.

Slowly, she starts to detach herself from Kit, her limbs shaking, her head pounding. She still feels drunk, but she slowly makes her way across the room.

The door is super convenient as she unlocks it as softly as she can. She really doesn’t want to walk Kit up with her shit.

Once she’s outside, and she made sure the door is closed behind her, she exhales and drops herself on the small steps they installed today as well. With it, a sob escapes. She still can’t fully breathe in, her limbs still shaking, her eyes burning. This usually happens after her nightmares from before. They rarely happen now, but she reacts the same every time.

Her body reacts the same.

She feels panicky, she sweats, she feels like her lungs stopped working on her. It stays that way for a while before her body finally lets go, and she can take a deep breath in.

Well, that’s not happening now.

Now, her body is refusing to relax. Maybe it’s the combination with the alcohol that still burns in her veins. She doesn’t know.

It hasn’t been this bad in a while.

Hands are on her, then. She knows it’s Kit. She can hear her speaking to her, but Jade cannot register anything else outside her being.

She feels like she’s going to die.

She doesn’t know how long it’s been, but finally—finally—she takes a deep breath and her body slumps back.

All she can do is lean on her knees and sob.

After a few minutes, she finally quiets down. She sits up, and wipes her face. “Sorry.” She murmurs, suddenly embarrassed. This is why she didn’t want Kit to see her like this.

Jade can see Kit’s shoulders tighten, how wide her eyes are. She can also see how she’s faking nonchalance as she shrugs, and looks away. “Nightmare?”

Of course, she knew. All the other times she thought she was sneaky obviously did not work.

She decides to be honest. “Yeah.”

Kit turns to her then, and Jade can see how still she’s forcing herself to be. “What’s it about?”

Jade shakes her head, and looks at the wooden steps below her feet. “Just…from before.”

Kit remains very still. “Bruce?”

Jade nods.

She never told Kit the extent of what happened to her with Bruce and them. She knew it’ll upset her and she never wants to be the reason for that. Especially when there is quite literally nothing she could do.

Kit never asked for details, but Kit has never seen her have a panic attack because of it.

Kit gets up suddenly, Jade doesn’t follow, still reeling from what just happened.

She manages a smile when a glass of ice-cold water is thrusted in front of her. Jade smiles, and takes a sip, muscles relaxing at the soothing it brings. 

“What happened?” Kit asks, her voice light. Forced. Like she’s pretending she wasn’t panicking either. “In the nightmare.”

Jade takes another sip, then looks out to the bushes around her house. “It was nothing. It’s fine.”

“Sure doesn’t seem like nothing.” She prods, voice still measured.

“It’s fine, Kit. Really. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

Kit’s grip on her forearm is strong, stopping her from leaving. When she looks at her blue eyes, Jade can see anger simmer in them.

Not at her. No. For her.

“Do you really want to know?” Jade asks. “It’s not a fun story.”

“I want to know.” Kit says, slowly letting go of her arm. She turns then, facing Jade.

It’s overwhelming, having her full attention like this.

It makes her want to squirm.

But she doesn’t. She takes a deep breath, and while looking at her glass, she says, “After my mother died, I—I spent a few days on my own. After that, Anne found me. You know this,” Kit nods. Jade takes another deep breath. “Anne took me in. Felt responsible for me. She fed me, helped me clean. Looking back at it, she was so adamant that I would be helpful. Useful. That I wouldn’t be a burden. She made sure that I did not attract Bruce’s attention.” Jade takes a sip, just so she’d have something to do. The cold feels nice against her throat. “And it worked. For a while. For a year. But then he did take notice.”

She doesn’t tell Kit that he only took notice when she was bit, and then she doesn’t turn. How they practically threw her into the infected that was chasing them to slow it down. Her drunken mind begged her to just let it out. Just let the truth speak freely. But she couldn’t. So, she continues.

 “It started as taunts at first, letting me eat last. Letting me clean up after them. Making me wash all their clothes. Anne helped me, of course. I was only six after all.” Jade looks up at the indigo night. “But then it started to get dangerous. Letting me go first into danger. Testing my body’s limit every day. He let the other kids cut through my skin. Most were shallow, but once they pinned me down and cut a nasty one down my back. And you know what? That wasn’t even the worst of it.” Jade chuckles, but it’s wet. “Because I started fighting back. And that royally fucked me.”

She sniffles, eyes still on the ground. Kit isn’t making a sound beside her.

Jade takes a deep breath. “Yeah, Bruce didn’t like that.” She finishes her glass. “It became routine. The beatings, the threats. Anne couldn’t take it anymore, and we escaped.”

Jade puts the glass down beside her, just so she’d have something to do against the suffocating quiet of Kit right now.

She thinks of stopping there. Just end it at that.

But she should tell Kit.

She’s come so far. She should just let it all out.

“We got split up, me and Anne. But it didn’t matter because Bruce found me again.” She says, voice flat. “And I was so ready to die, Kit. I just wanted him to end it. I didn’t want to run or get hurt again or be scared, anymore. But then Ballentine saved me for the first time,” A small smile stretches her lips, but they fall easily. “Ballentine killed him.”

She risks a glance at Kit, her stony expression so unlike her, Jade has to look away.

“When we ran again, I saw her.” Jade murmurs. “Anne. I saw her on the ground with an axe splitting her head in two.”

Jade’s throat tightens. She never spoke about this to anyone. God, she wishes she has Kit’s flask right now.

“One of them got her.” Jade swallows. “I should have been with her on that ground. If it weren’t for Ballentine, maybe I would have been.” Jade takes a deep breath, releasing all of it into the open air. “So yeah, I still…dream about that.”

She looks down for a second before forcing herself to be brave enough to look at Kit.

“Is that all?” Jade hers the restraint in her voice. Jade can only nod.

Kit nods once stiffly. She gets up, and gives her back to Jade. She can see her tense shoulders, sees how she fists then unfists her hands, sees her take a deep breath. She turns slowly, “Are they all dead?”

“Who?”

“All of them. The kids who hurt you.” Kit says, her voice clipped.

Jade looks down, and shakes her head.

“Okay,” She hears her say. “Um, I—uh—might need a minute to—I’ll be right back.”

Jade only looks down as Kit wizzes past her inside her room again. She hears her fumbling for something inside. When she comes back, her shoulders are no less tense. She takes a deep breath. “I really need to go hit something.”

“…okay?”

“Now.” Kit says, and her breath hitches, and Jade realizes her eyes are glassy. “Please.”

“Okay.” Jade says, and they go to the training yard in the break of dawn.

At the end of training, Jade can tell Kit is still agitated by the stiff way she holds the bow. Her knuckles turn white as she grips the wood, pulling back the arrow and releasing it with one breath. Jade sees her exhale after each release, but she doesn’t say anything.

They practice their bow skills in silence. Kit hits bullseye each time, and each time she doesn’t celebrate like she usually does.

With a scowl on her face still, she turns to Jade. “I’m not good with accepting things.” Kit says suddenly, her precious bow strapped to her back. “You give me an issue, and I will do everything in my power to solve it. That’s what I do. That’s what I’m good at.”

Jade looks on, letting Kit get it out.

“I’ve—” She sighs, like she can’t figure out the right words to say. Jade wants to tell her there aren’t any. “There are so little things that I care about, which means I care too much about those things.” Kit says, now squinting against the rising sun. Jade can see the gold in her hair in this lighting. It makes her want to run her hand through her locks. She, instead, fists her hands and shoves them into her front pockets. “My mom always said that it was my weakness. This black and white measure of feeling that I have. Too much or too little.”

Kit chuckles dryly and scuffles her feet against the dirt beneath them. “I don’t know what to say to you to solve this, Jade. And that—that part kills me.”

Jade takes a step forward. “I know…” she mumbles. “It’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You—” And Jade can’t help but smile. “You get invested in my past. I’ve seen it before, even when we were little.”

Kit nods, “You—I mean, your friendship—it means a lot to me. I want to be there for you when you have a nightmare. I don’t want you to feel the need to—to hide it from me.”

Jade nods, slowly, feeling overwhelmed and in complete disbelief.

A question rings true in her mind.

Why does someone like Kit give a shit about Jade?

Jade has no answer to Kit’s declaration, instead she says, “I know it’s too much for me to ask you to dismiss it—” Kit is already shaking her head. “But I don’t want you to feel like shit because you couldn’t save me.”

Kit’s eyes are glassy, then she takes a deep breath. Loud. “The thought of you—” Her breath hitches then, and she shakes her head again. She schools her expression back to stony. She whispers, “Of them. Hurting you. It’s terrifying how much it angers me.”

Kit’s lip twitches, her brows a dead giveaway for her distress. “You won’t have to go through anything like that again.” Kit says, voice firm. “Ever. Not while I’m here.”

Kit launches herself at her, and Jade is there to wrap her arms around her. More for Kit than herself as she feels the other girl melt into her arms, then she feels her hiccupping breath, obvious signs of Kit trying to hold back tears. She feels her fist the back of her shirt tightly, and whispers. “Never again.”

As agreed, Madmartigan is at her door by nightfall.

Jade has finished her meal. Her stomach full, and her mind refreshed with newfound purpose.

She’s getting out of here tonight.

Jade pushes the thought of Kit out. She can spend so many moments trying to convince herself that Kit can come with her, but ultimately Jade knows Kit’s at her limit.

Kit needs to stay with her father.

Jade has separated them for almost a decade. This is least she can do.

Mads holds out her backpack, and Jade straps it on immediately. The feeling of the straps against her shoulders settles her. Her smaller weapons are probably still inside. “I put a walkie-talkie in there. It should help us be in contact for a while until you’re out of our vicinity.” She nods and takes a deep breath, and then she notices the kid behind Madmartigan. “This is Lev.” Mads says, a hand on the kid’s shoulder. Lev has his own backpack swung across his shoulders. Jade remembers him from the ride over here. The one last to jump into the car.

“Um, hi.”

“Hey.” Lev replies.

“He’s going with you.” Madmartigan announces.

Jade immediately shuts it down. “I don’t need anyone to come with me.”

“Taking him is the only way you’re leaving this facility.” Mads says, eyes not leaving Jade. Jade groans like a teenager, her eyes flicking to the—essentially—the actual teenager. “Why?”

“Because he knows his way around.” Mads replies. “He’s from the island. I can’t send you out there without some sort of protection.”

Jade eyes the bow he has strapped to his back as well.

She looks at him skeptically, already planning ways to lose him out there when he says, “I need to get my mom out of there.” Lev speaks. “It’s been a year. I need to find her.”

Jade looks at him for a while.

“I can help you. And you can help me. Please.” Lev says, his voice taking on a desperate edge. “She’s the only family I have left.”

Jade sighs. “Fine,” she mumbles, still studying the kid. “But if anything goes south, you run.” Then she mumbles to herself. “I can’t have another death on my neck.”

Lev scoffs, and looks at Mads. “See you in a bit, Mads.”

Jade should admire Lev’s confidence that they’ll be done in a ‘bit’, but all she feels is dread for another person she has to keep safe. She wasn’t even particularly fond to extend that curtesy to herself.

She takes a deep breath, and looks at Mads. “Kit?”

“We’ll pass by her on the—”

That’s when they hear the gunshots. “What the f—”

“Is that the distraction?” Jade frowns.

Mads looks back at her. “No…”

They can hear them outside. Shooting. The Children of the Wyrm didn’t use guns. “Who the fuck—”

“Okay, you have to go. Now.” He rushes her out the door, peeking his head to both sides before pulling her behind him. The hallway is empty, as planned, but the distraction wasn’t supposed to be guns.

“Wait, Kit—”

“No time.” Mads says, rushing down the hall now. “You have to go. Take that exit.” He shoves her in the general direction of the exit. “I’m going to keep Kit safe. Go, Jade. You won’t have another chance. I placed a rifle for you outside. Find it before you go topside.”

Jade begins to run backwards as soon as Mads stopped. “Fuck—” she mumbles, then she pulls out her pistol. “Fuck, okay, yeah.”

She runs.

She doesn’t think of Kit in one of these rooms, waiting for her.

She doesn’t think of much of anything. She runs, and Lev runs with her.

“Let go of me!” Kit lets out a particularly loud growl as her father held her back from reaching the door.

“Kit, she’s gone. She left.” Madmartigan says, holding her still, even as she thrashes about.

She manages to push him off her, and bolt out to the hallways. She goes to Jade’s room, heart dropping when the door opens easily to an empty room. “Jade?” Her voice comes out as a whisper. “No, no, no…Jade.” She whispers, tears already blurring her vision. She’s spinning around herself, looking at all the corners of the room, like she might materialize out of thin air. “

Madmartigan appears behind her, “I’m sorry, Kit.”

“She’s gone! She left!” She whirs towards him, finger shoved into his chest. “You did this! You let her out!”

“I did.”

Kit’s face falls.

She expected denial and rebuff.

Not confirmation to her impossible accusation.

Because her father wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t release the love of her life to get killed.

Her father’s saying words that she is not and is refusing to hear. She gives him her back, and closes her eyes.

She swallows despite her parched throat.

“—I sent her with Lev. He got me out safely, and he’s getting her out too.”

“Oh yeah? Like he got his sister out safely?” Kit yells, unable to help herself.

Her father stares at her for a few seconds, “That’s not fair, Kit.”

“I don’t give a FUCK—” She presses the heels of her hands against her eyes to stop the tears that keep on falling. “She might be close still. Get me my bag. My stuff. I need it.”

“Kit—”

“I need my bag, dad! I’m catching up—”

“I need you to—”

“Fuck that! Get it or I swear I’ll—”

“Oi! You two!” They hear Toth all the way from down the hall. “We have guests.”

Madmartigan turns in his direction, and Kit watches his face drain color. “What the fuck?”

Kit moves to the hall beside her father, and her own blood freezes in her veins.

Her eyes flicker across each familiar head, her brain slow to comprehend how they’d made it out of Tir Asleen and followed them.

Scorpia, Elora, Graydon, Boorman, and landing lastly on Willow.

“What the fuck?” Kit mirrors her father.

They all were on the ground just under the stairway, hands behind their back, looking like they’re seeing ghosts.

“Oh, you officially hit me too hard in the head.” Kit hears Boorman say.

Chapter Text

“What the fuck?!” Kit exclaims, voice tight.

But they weren’t paying attention to her. No, their sights land on Madmartigan like they’re seeing a ghost. Kit knows that feeling all too well.

“Mads?” Kit has never heard Boorman speak like that.

Kit watches her father, studies his micro expressions that he’s working so hard to control. His hands twitch as he eyes his old partner up and down. “Hey, kid.”

It’s strange, seeing him call Boorman that. He was his mentor, yes, when Boorman was Kit’s age, but he’s changed now. Everything’s changed.

Boorman’s dark, large eyes sweep to Kit, and she can’t quite read his expression.

Kit remembers that blame she threw out when Boorman returned alone that awful day, she also remembers not forgiving him for a while. How tense things were between them all those years. Kit isn’t sure she ever really forgave him, but she learned to live with his presence.

Now, he’s seeking her feelings out.

She doesn’t give it to him. It isn’t their fight anymore.

His eyes flicker back to her father, expression still etched in disbelief.

“Willow?” Mads’ voice is strained. “What—” Kit sees her father shake his head in confusion. “What you doing here? What’s going on?!”

“We’ll explain—” Willow tries but it interrupted by Toth.

“Are anymore of your people disrupting my city, Mads?” He says, his voice booming across the hallways, though Kit can tell there isn’t any real malice behind his words.

“We’re here to get my sister and Kit out.” Scopria says, hands still behind her back, though her eyes are still roaming her father’s figure in disbelief. She always had better emotional control than her partner. “We don’t want any trouble.”

Kit swallows the lump in her throat. She can’t bring herself to inform Scopria that Jade left.

“Well, that’s a waste of time. Seeing as Kit’s free to go anytime and your sister’s probably halfway through the city by now.”

That breaks Scorpia’s reverie. “What? No, we saw them—We followed them here! Both of them. She’s supposed to be here!”

Toth shrugs, his gigantic arms flexing. “And now she’s not.”

Scorpia slowly turns to Kit. “Kit?”

Kit swallows, her throat dry. “She’s gone.”

She watches Scorpia’s face slack, horror washing over her face, before Kit realizes the implications of her words.

“She’s alive, obviously!” She quickly corrects. “She just left.”

“Jade wouldn’t just leave you.” Scorpia spits out. It reminds Kit that Scorpia never really liked Kit that much. The reminder stings, as it always did.

Well, Kit would just have to pile it on top of all the other things that broke her heart.

“She’s going after the people who killed Ballentine.” Kit explains. “It’s Lili.”

Scorpia’s angry face twists to shock. It shuts her up enough for Toth to begin speaking again. “Alright. It’s been a long night. We’re going to have to lock you all up until we sort everything out. Mads, this is a sort of conflict of interest, mate. Would you mind sorting the people upstairs? I’ll oversee getting these folks settled in.”

“I’m not staying here!” Kit insists.

“Yeah, me neither.” Scorpia agrees.

“Well, too bad.” Madmartigan says. “You all look like shit, and that’s going to need some looking into.”

Kit notices the stab wound on Graydon’s abdomen.

She feels like she’s in a daze as people move around her. They’re being put into rooms, and she feels her throat tighten when she sees Graydon stationed in Jade’s room.

Kit takes a deep breath, regulating her heart beat and stopping a sob from escaping simultaneously.

She feels a hand rest on her shoulder, and she’s pushing it away before she even thinks. She turns to her father, eyes made of molten fire, and says, “If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive you.”

Kit follows Elora and Graydon into Jade’s room. She doesn’t know why she does it. She just doesn’t want to be alone right now, nor does she think she can handle Scorpia telling her how much she fucked it up with Jade, especially with a shell-shocked Boorman by her side.

So, Elora and Graydon it is.

She watches Elora gently lay Graydon down, and slowly begins unbuttoning his shirt. She’s murmuring things to him that Kit doesn’t bother trying to listen to. Graydon winces every few seconds, and Kit feels bad for him.

Elora stops mid-way to look up at her, she gives her a onceover, and Kit swear she’s going to say something snarky, but then she doesn’t. Her eyes flicker back to her boyfriend’s wound.

Upon reveal, Graydon’s wound seems to have stabilized, though the area is covered with his blood, and the wound seems to be swollen a bit. It’ll need cleaning, just like Kit cleaned Jade’s wound, and Jade hers.

Kit forces herself to inhale, and redirects her thoughts. “How’d you find us?”

Elora takes her time before answering, which already is irritating Kit. “We followed you to Nelwyn, obviously. After you left, I spoke to Scorpia on how fucked I think it is that Jade’s going alone—”

“Not alone. I was with her.” Kit immediately interjects, ignoring how the sentence itself burns.

“To take the brunt of what? Avenging Ballentine?” Elora says, ignoring Kit completely. “Fine, sure, if that’s what she wants. But we should be with her. All of us.”

Kit is clenching her jaw, the usual bitterness she felt whenever Elora showcases just how close she and Jade are can now unashamedly be categorized as jealously. Kit doesn’t care. She’s just happy she gets to be jealous now.

“Anyways, Scorpia agreed.” Elora says, her eyes examining Graydon’s wound again. “And here we are.”

“And my mother?”

“What about her?”

Kit rolls her eyes so hard she feels unsteady afterwards. “Elora…”

Kit is at her wits end, and the last thing she needs is a fight with Elora, even if she’s itching for one.

She hears her sigh, “She’s fine. Better. We left a few days after but I’m sure she’s up and running now.”

Kit nods, once, solemn.

“How are you doing, Graydon?” Kit asks, because she actually wants to know.

“Been better.” Graydon grits out. “It’s a week-old stab wound that simply refused to heal.”

“There’s a doctor here—actually, I don’t know if she’s a doctor—but I’ll ask them to bring her here.”

“Thanks, Kit.” Graydon say.  

Kit only nods.

“When did Jade leave?” Elora asks, her voice strained.

Kit catches it, and it fuels the anger inside her even more. “She just left—”

“And you couldn’t hold her back?”

Kit also catches the accusatory tone in her voice, and something in her switches.

“Hey, I tried to stop her from leaving multiple times. You think you give more of a shit about my girlfriend’swellbeing than me?” Elora stands, leaving Graydon on the ground but Kit is too worked up to spare him a glance. She catches the momentary surprise. “Sure, I should’ve stayed by her door to stop her from leaving but hey, I didn’t. I’m beating myself up about it enough as it is. I don’t need you to fucking tell me that I fucked up, okay?”

Elora takes a step forwards, “I didn’t say—”

“You didn’t have to.” Kit cut her off, voice still raising. She feels herself shaking. “I tried my fucking best.”

Elora stares at her, then softly, she adds, “I need to focus on Graydon right now.”

Kit scoffs with a wave of her hand. She wonders why the fuck she was even trying with Elora. She turns and leaves the suffocating room.

She sees her father outside, and she turns the other way.

She might need a minute alone, after all

The sound of rustling leaves is all she can hear for a long while.

Jade calculates two hours since her and Lev ran from the hospital. He’s been quietly leading the way since, though Jade can lead the way just fine on her own.

She just doesn’t feel like herself right now.

She’s done what she had to do, she knows that deep in her bones. But she never intended to leave Kit behind without speaking to her first. She never planned to make it seem like she was escaping from Kit or abandoning her. That’s not what this is. Jade had every intention of saying goodbye.

It is isn’t like her to escape like that.

She just hopes Kit knows her well enough to know that.

She has come to the conclusion that the gunfire she heard as she was escaping could be coming from Toth’s people, knowing that the Children of the Wyrm didn’t use guns, so she knows for a fact that Kit is okay. Especially since she’s inside a fortified building.

She just needs to get this done, and get back to Kit as quickly as possible.

Jade can tell they’re walking towards the north-west of the city from the way the moon shines to their left. The kid is quiet as they move, eyes darting around, calculating, but otherwise calm in his movements.

“You said your mom is still on the island?” Jade asks, just to distract her mind.

Lev looks at her, his eyes just as calculating, and Jade can see him make the decision to speak. “Yeah.” He mumbles, his voice low and quiet. Reserved, Jade would describe it.

“Why didn’t she come with in the first place?”

Lev sighs, he looks up at the sky like he’s asking for patience. Like Jade is some bothersome child. It almost makes her chuckle. “She didn’t want to.”

“And what makes you think that she’ll want to now?”

Lev whirls, facing her now, Jade can see the worry etched on his face. “I don’t know, okay? But she’s—She’s all I have left. She has come with me. She has to.”

Lev continues to walk, a bit of a stomp to his step, and Jade quietly follows.

“How do you know Mads?” Jade asks, trying to lighten the mood a bit, and honestly wearing the bothersome child label like a badge.

Lev’s quiet again, but thankfully he answers. “We escaped together.”

Jade momentarily stops. “How old are you?”

“Old enough to know that that place is a hellhole and the Wyrm needs to be diminished.” Lev says, the aggression in his tone wavering his voice. “But I’m not going to be the one that does it. I just want my mom.”

Jade keeps quiet for the rest of their walk. She’s relieved actually. It gives her time to think and strategize. To mentally prepare for the journey ahead.

She’s thought about killing Lili a lot.

If she’ll be able to. If she had her knife by her throat, blood trickling down olive skin.

Jade thinks, sometimes, that she could bring herself to spare her.

Then she sees her face when she delivered the final blow on Ballentine’s already lifeless body.

That anger.

The look on her face when she spared Jade a glance afterwards.

And Jade believes that she’d betray Ballentine if she doesn’t.

He didn’t deserve to go that way, and subsequently, Lili doesn’t deserve to live.

Jade swallows.

“We’ll camp for the night.” She says, earning the full attention of Lev now. He scoffs, Jade rolls her eyes and says, “If we go now, we’ll arrive by sunrise which defeats the purpose of sneaking in there.”

Jade looks around, trying to spot a place to bunker down.

“We’re close to the water. I know a place.” Lev says, nudging his head towards the same direction they were walking in. “It’s next to the boat we’ll need to cross to the island.”

The place, apparently, is a large ship docked at the port.

Jade looked up at the huge thing, eyes studying the overwhelmingly overgrown leaves covering its abandoned surface. The metal is rusted, and the hull is peeling. Jade can only imagine how the inside smells.

Quietly, they move around the abandoned shipping containers lining the harbor and make their way to the connecting boarding ramp. The thing creaked heavily, making Jade wince.

“Shhh!” Lev, who is walking ahead of Jade, says.

Jade only deadpans, deciding to ignore the angsty teen. She takes a deep breath instead, taking in the smell of saltwater before she enters. She’s glad she did because it is absolutely rancid in here.

The air is thick and damp, smells of old rust and decay. Rust encompasses the metal beams in the main room, and dust covers every surface. A scurrying sound makes Jade’s eyes flicker to Lev in alarm.

“It’s rats.” Lev says, then quietly. “I think.”

“You think?” Jade says, dramatically. “You know what I hate more than infected? Rats.”

“It’s the best place we got, lady.”

Jade raises both hands in surrender. “I’m not complaining, and don’t call me lady.” She moves to sit on the cleanest spot on the row seats, grabbing the jacket Mads packed for her, she rubbed the surface with it. “Makes me feel old.”

“You are old.”

“Alright, kid.” She looks around, spots two doors. One to her left, and the other right in front of her. “We should secure the area.”

“I’ll take that door, and you take that one.” Lev points with his chin, and Jade nods.

“Be careful.”

Again, Lev scoffs.

Jade readies her rifle, and quietly twists the door handle. The hallway beyond is dark, and Jade turns on the flashlight attached to her rifle. The area, at face value, is clear. But Jade now knows more than ever not to trust that. Stalkers might lurk around, or the ground beneath them might shake and a bloater might want to make itself known.

After a doublecheck, she confirms the lack of infected.

She was about to check once last time when she hears Lev.

“What the fu—” The kid screams, and Jade is running in a millisecond. She already has her rifle raised and aimed. The sound of footsteps on metal, too heavy to be rats now, echoes around the main room.

A figure seems to be standing over Lev, and Jade hears Lev gasp before he is grabbed by the shirt. “Get the fuckoff my boat.”

“Let go of him!” Jade screams, aiming her gun at the man’s head. “I mean it! I’ll shoot.”

The attacker, a middle-aged man donning the heaviest jacket, gives her the briefest of glances before he shoves Lev off, and Jade winces at the sound of his head striking a protruding metal pipe with a sickening crack.

Jade doesn’t waste a moment, she shoots his leg.

The man yells, grabbing at his leg as he crumbles to the floor. Jade approaches, and shoots the man’s hand reaching for the gun at his hip. Another yell, and Jade holds her breath. She moves to Lev, who doesn’t seem to have moved an inch, making sure not to give the man her back.

“Lev?” Jade asks, eyes still on the man. “Are you up, kid?”

Jade can hear the tremor in her voice.

“Lev?!” Jade basically growls, gun aimed at the man who is still trying to get up.

Jade releases the longest exhale as she hears Lev grumble under his breath. Jade risks a glance down at him. He isn’t bleeding, which sometimes scares her worse.

When Jade looks back at the man, he is flat on his back and passed out. Jade quickly moves to Lev’s side, hands checking for a pulse. She breathes out again when she finds it, and almost passes out herself when she sees him furrowing his brows. He groans before speaking, “What happened?”

“You almost got yourself killed.”

Jade sees the smirk barely rising from the corner of his lip. “Did I fuck him up?”

She rolls her eyes, “Yes, Lev, you fucked him up.”

He slowly turns his head to look at the passed-out man, groaning all the while. “Is he dead?”

“Not yet.” Jade answers.

Lev’s eyes flicker to hers. “Fucked up answer.”

Jade grunts as she sits back on the grown as she says, “Well, I’m a fucked up person. Didn’t come out here for no other reason.”

Lev’s eyes linger, and Jade can tell her wants to ask, but he doesn’t.

“My head hurts.”

“You took quite the fall.” Jade says, then she places a hand behind his neck, and helps him get his head straight. “Can you move?”

Slowly, Lev lifts his hands, shaking them around a bit, and nods. He tries to sit up, and Jade moves to help again. “I got it.” He says it softly, and Jade tries not to take it personally.

“Listen, if we’re gonna travel together, then we need to trust each other.” Jade says, willing the frustration from her voice. “It’s all we have, otherwise what’s the point?”

Lev grunts, and leans back against the wall. He looks at Jade for a minute, then he looks down.

Jade decides to continue. “Well, you’re speaking, which is good, and you can move around. Just tell me if anything starts to worsen or if you feel nauseous or something.”

Lev only nods, and closes his eyes. Jade rummages through her bag, Mads has given them some dried meats for the road, so she hands a piece to Lev wordlessly, not really putting it up to debate. She’s relieved once he takes it without fight, and places a water flask next to him.

Jade grabs the ropes inside her bag and walks to the older man. She quickly ties him up on a thicker pole, careful not to disturb his bleeding hand. If he bleeds out, then he bleeds out. She checks him for weapons, and removes them from his person, placing them behind a bar counter in the far end of the room.

She sits a few feet away, leaning against another metal pipe connecting the floors to the ceiling, her eyes remain on the man, ready to jump for any sign of movement. His blood surrounds him, but he’s big enough to cover most of it.

Her gun still in her hand, her eyes flicker to her bag, and the walkie talkie attached to it. Jade only takes a minute to think about it, but she grabs it.  

She needs a moment to breathe. She didn’t know which channel or frequency the walkie talkie Mads used to communicate with this one. She used a few, and received nothing in return. After a couple of tries with different frequencies, she finally receives a response semi-instantly.  

Kit left the room she was wallowing in the last hour, and walks outside the hallway. She knows no one will be sleeping, too worried having just learned of Jade’s departure.

Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it?

She left. 

Betraying all that they had. Not trusting Kit to be strong enough to come with her. Not trusting in Kit’s judgement at all.

Kit is stupid enough to believe she ever did.

Her father is leaning against one of the rooms’ door, and Kit can see Willow, Scorpia and Boorman beyond him, sitting on the floor against the bed, three plates of food in front of them. Scorpia looks distraught as she looks up at Kit’s father, her eyes imploring and searching.

Then they land on her, and they turn to ice.

Boorman looks down.

Willow looks at her as he eats the food on his plate.

They were obviously talking about their journey here, Scorpia trying to make sense of everything that’s happened.

Kit wants to scream.

She is about to say something when a scratching noise interrupts her.

“Hello?” The tinny voice shooting through the walkie talkie attached on her father’s hips sends a jolt through her. She knows that voice. She loves that voice. “I don’t know if this thing’s even working.” The voice, Jade, says in a low voice, like she’s speaking to herself. Then closer, “Mads?”

Without thinking, Kit jolts for it. Grabbing it from her father’s hip, a jolt of guilt at the way he flinches puts her at pause. She looks at him, and mumbles a quiet apology.

Ignoring the pain in her chest at quite literally everything, she presses the push-to-talk button. “Jade?”

Her voice trembles speaking out her name.

A quiet moment, then a scratching sound indicates that Jade had pressed the button as well. “Kit?”

Kit can’t help but let out a gasp, her eyes well with tears. She clears her throat. “H-Hey, yes, it’s me.”

Quiet again.

“Hey.”

Jade’s voice might be normal to the others, but Kit knows her. Knows every detail about her. And she’s ashamed. Kit turns, giving everyone her back. “Jade, where are you? I want to come to you.”

“Is that Jade?” Kit hears someone, probably Scorpia ask behind her. She clutches on the walkie-talkie afraid that they’ll take it from her.

“You can’t.” Jade’s answer is quick, and it hurts.

“I’m not asking.” Kit replies firmly. “Please, just tell me where you are and I’ll come to you. You don’t even—”

Scorpia is next to her in a second. “Jade?”

“Is that Scorpia?”

Kit lets out a sob. Her whole body feels wrong, and it’s only amplified by how close Jade is in a form a walkie talkie. She doesn’t even care that Scorpia is seeing her like this. “I’m coming.” She also doesn’t care that it’s obvious that she’s crying.

“Jade, it’s me!” Scorpia is yelling, and manages to grab the walkie talkie from Kit, who is now covering her face as she sobs into her palms. She shoves the hands that land on her shoulders. She doesn’t want anyone to comfort her right now.

“Scorpia? What the hell are you doing there?”

Jade’s panicked, Kit can hear it.

“We followed you. We’re all here for you Jade. Please, just tell us where you are, we’ll come get you.” Scorpia says, her voice firm but it wavers.

“I don’t need anyone to come get me.” Jade says. “I need you all to let me do this.”

“You’ll hurt yourself, Jade.” Scorpia says, desperation now lacing her words. “Please!”

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Scorpia groans loudly.

“Can I talk to Kit privately, please?”

Scorpia shoves the thing in Kit’s direction, and Kit can see her watery eyes so she doesn’t take it personally. She watches Scorpia fall into Boorman’s arms before she presses the button again. “I’m here.”

 “I love you. So much.” Jade says, immediately.

Kit stays quiet.

“Kit?”

Kit clears her tight throat. “Yeah?”

It comes out so small.

“Can you be alone?”

“Yeah.”

Kit moves into a room, and closes the door behind her. Ignoring the sound of Elora leaving the room she occupied with Graydon.

“I’m alone.”

“I miss you.” Jade whispers.

“I wish you didn’t leave.”

“I wish I didn’t have to.”

Kit sniffles, and is about to say more when Jade’s voice interrupts. “Listen, Kit, I have to go. It’s not safe for me to keep talking, nor tell you where I am, you know how these things could be easily intercepted, but I wanted you to know that I was going to come to you before leaving.”

Kit let out a wet sob.

“I didn’t just leave.” Jade’s voice wavers. “I swear.”

Kit can’t talk.

She feels like she can’t breathe.

“I wanted to say goodbye. It was never meant to go how it did. I’m not a coward.”

Kit only looks at the thing in her hand like it was Jade herself.

“Do you believe me?”

Kit lets out another sob.

“Kit, please, say something…”

Kit sniffles, and gathers all her courage to speak. “I wish you chose to stay.”

Quiet.

Then.

“I’m sorry.”

Kit continues her sniffles. “They told me Lev went with you?”

“Yeah, he’s with me. Kid took a nasty fall but he’s resilient.” Kit smiles at the teasing tone in Jade’s voice.

“I’m glad at least he’s with you.” Kit says. “That you aren’t alone.”

That, at least, is true.

“Yeah…listen, I have to go, Kit. I love you. I’ll come back to you.”

Kit focuses on the way Jade says I love you, and that she’ll come back to her.

She lets that lie calm her down.

“I love you, too. Goodbye, Jade.”

“Goodbye, princess.”

The word princess echoes in Kit’s mind for a while.

All she can do is stare blankly at the wall in front of her. She tries, God, she tries not to let her mind run amok. She tries to remember that Jade loves her. She tries not to hold a grudge. She tries so hard.

And if it takes her a few minutes every fucking hour to actively remind herself of that, then so be it. The alternative will tear her apart.

She barely acknowledges the knock on the door, but she turns slowly to look at Scorpia by the door.

“She told me she had to go.” Kit says, voice small, ready to defend herself.

Scorpia never really liked Kit.

Or, as Jade always tried to reassure her, Scorpia doesn’t know Kit, and is very protective of Jade.

Kit is trying to prepare herself mentally to be scrutinized again, but Scorpia sits beside her, her head leaning back.

Her face blotchy and red, a match to Kit’s.

Kit stares at her in confusion.

When Scorpia meets her eyes, Kit raises both brows. “What? You’re not gonna yell at me?”

Scorpia look away and stares at the wall Kit memorized in front of them. She sighs loudly and then says, “No.” She looks back at Kit. “Jade’s a big girl, and I sure as hell won’t allow you to be her keeper.”

Kit resists rolling her eyes.

In the quiet, Kit says, “She’s changed.”

Scorpia hums.

“I was afraid of that.” Scorpia says, no, admits to Kit.

“Me too.” Kit agrees quietly.

“It’s stupid of us to expect her not to.” Scorpia says, voice low. “After what she’s seen.”

Kit can only agree.

There’s a moment of silence between them where Kit felt understood. Like her pain knew it’s twin in Scorpia, and that she is almost glad to have Scorpia here with her. Someone who loves Jade as strongly as she does.

“Did I hear you correctly in there?” Scorpia suddenly says. “Girlfriend?”

Oh. She means in her conversation with Elora.

Kit opens her mouth a few times, frantically trying to find the correct words to say. “I mean, we haven’t officially labeled it but we are…that. We are.”

Scorpia raises both brows.

“Look, I know you and I haven’t exactly gotten along all these years, and I admit,” Kit holds both hands up in surrender. “I didn’t really know why you hated me, but, Scorpia, I love Jade. With my whole being. I think I loved her all my life and have been too much of a coward to admit it even to myself. I would never, ever hurt her. I promise.”

Scorpia studies her face for a while, then her lips quirks into a smirk as she stares at the wall in front of her.

“I never really hated you.”

Kit has a matching smirk on. “That’s what Jade told me.”

“And she’s right. You’re a brat and always had to have it your way, but hate is too strong of a word for what I felt towards you.” Scorpia says, her words honest as it spills out of her like a fountain. “I was scared of you.”

That puzzles Kit more than anything else. Her eyes practically bulge out of their sockets. “What?!”

“Well, not of you.” Scorpia says, her always cool essence a familiar guard, just the opposite of what Kit has. They are far too different from each other to really get along, but Kit always hoped they’d at least co-exist for Jade’s sake. “Of what your capable of. Towards Jade.”

Kit continues looking confused.

What the hell does that mean?

“She never said anything, of course. You know how reserved she is with her feelings, but I always knew that that girl loves you more than anything.” Scorpia says, eyes still on the wall.

Kit’s lips form a smile. It’s always nice to be reminded of that.

“She’d kill me for telling you, but she always talked about you.” Scorpia says, rolling her eyes, darker than Jade’s but just as big. “And that worried me. Because I didn’t know you, and you hold this huge power over her, you can just easily break my baby sister’s heart…”

“I would never—”

“But you did. Over and over for years of not saying anything.” Scorpia interrupts, and she’s looking at Kit now, but she realizes it wasn’t said maliciously or to hurt Kit. Scorpia isn’t angry. “I know it’s not all your fault. You both are idiots.”

Kit’s frown turns into a light chuckle. She can’t really disagree with that.

“Anyways, I’m just glad Jade gets to have people in her life that love her so much.” Scorpia says, getting to her feet. “And I mean it, Kit. If you ever, even slightly, make my sister upset, I’ll end you.”

“I won’t.” Kit says, quickly. Too quickly. “Ever.”

Jade puts down the walkie talkie when the man begins to stir. “What the fuck…” he grumbles. “Oh, shit, I’m lightheaded.”

Jade stands, her gun in her hand. She shivers at the cold wind sweeping in now from the open door, and wishes she had a jacket just as big as the one the man is wearing.

If he’s gonna die…

No, geez, Jade. What the bloody hell is wrong with you?

His eyes widen when they land on her, and Jade remains still. “We don’t want any trouble.”

The man looks down at his shot legs and tied hands. “Well, a little late for that.”

“We didn’t want any trouble.” Jade corrects. “You attacked us.”

“Cause you’re getting on my boat!”

“Look man, we just wanted a place to stay for the night.” Lev pipes in, looking a bit better now. He’s been too busy eating to really be focused on what she and Kit were saying, or at least that’s what Jade is telling herself. “Nothing personal.”

“My boat. I don’t like other people on it.”

 “Is it really your boat?” Lev says, his face clearly mocking the man. “You paid for it and everything?”

“Lev…” Jade says in exasperation.

“What?! It’s a valid question!” Then he turns his attention to the man. “Look, this isn’t your boat. Everything is fair game when the world is dying, didn’t you know?”

Jade glares at Lev as he gulps down his water.

“And we—” he points between him and Jade. “—need a place to stay for the night away from the wind and the—” he glances outside the windows to the skies, then winces because he just hurt his head. “—the very clear indication that it’ll rain. Bad. So, be a decent human fucking being and stop bothering us. We’re staying the night.”

The man looks at Lev, then back to Jade. “You need to better discipline that one.”

“Says the man that’s kicking people—”

“Alright!” Jade says, stopping their useless argument. “Lev’s right. We’re staying.”

The man stays quiet, his eyes on Jade’s bandaged hand. It’s hard to believe it’s only been a couple of days since it was just her and Kit. “You bitten?”

Jade looks at him, words firm as she says, “Nope.”

The man eyes her hand again wearily, like he doesn’t believe her.

Frankly, Jade doesn’t care.

They’ll be out of here in the morning.

Her and Lev take shifts sleeping. She lets the kid sleep first, watching both him and the snoring man whose noise is loud enough to rise above the tattering rain outside, wincing in his sleep and face paling by the hour.

Lev seems fine, and hopefully by the time he wakes up, he’ll be better.

Jade keeps her gun by her and the walkie talkie clutched to her chest.

Hearing Kit cry because of her is catching up to her now.

She feels her throat tighten, and her impulse to press the button increase.

She misses her so much. 

She can only find solace that she’s with her father and Scorpia now.

Jade’s not an idiot. She knows they’ll try to find her, so she just has to kill Lili before they do.

Get in, and get out.

Simple.

And no one gets killed because of her.

She spends the hours keeping watch thinking of their game plan. Sometime last night, Lev mentioned he knows where a boat is that could get us to the island, and that it’ll take them a few hours to cross. When Jade looks out the windows of the boat, the rain is obscuring all their vision.

It is truly drenched outside, so she’s grateful for this boat right now.

Lev wakes a few hours later when the skies clear a bit, and prompts Jade to sleep until sun rises.

The man sleeps through the night, Jade thinks he might be passed out.

He wakes up in the morning as they gather their things before they leave.  

“Appreciate your patronage.” Lev salutes the man as they begin to leave.

“Wait!” The man calls. “Aren’t you gonna untie me?”

“Just move your hands.” Jade tells him.

They don’t wait for him to realize he was very loosely tied.

The boat is by the shore, hidden by a bunch of rocks. Jade looks at Lev, who is gazing out to the horizon. It’s too foggy to see anything, but she can tell the kid is getting nervous.

“You scared to go back?” Jade asks.

“I lost so much in order to escape.” He mumbles. “Just wondering what else I could lose.”

“What do you mean?”

Jade watches Lev work his jaw before he turns to her. “Hey, let me ask you something for once! Why do you want to go to the island in the first place?”

“Lili.”

Lev straightens up, obviously not thinking that Jade would answer.

“Lili killed my father.” Jade says, her voice detached. “So, that’s why I’m going to the island.”

Lev frowns against the wind, then looks down as he says, “I’m sorry.”

Jade nods once, untying the ropes of the little boat.

“I lost my sister, Yara, leaving the island.” Lev says.

Jade stops her work. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“That place is of nightmares…Leaving it comes with a cost, so.” 

“I’m willing to bear it.” Jade responds, finally finished untying the boat. “Should we expect people when we land at the shore?” Jade asks as she begins to push the boat to the water.

“No,” Lev says, moving to help her push, though Jade is pretty sure she didn’t his help. “but we’re taking a longer route to avoid a few outposts in the water.”

“Shit…” Jade breathes out. “Toth didn’t mention any outposts.”

“Lori escaped about five years ago.” Lev says. “These outposts were installed a year ago when we escaped.”

“Lori?” Jade makes a face as she goes inside the boat once it started floating purely on water.

“Toth.” Lev says, jumping in the boat, making it shake violently and irritating Jade. “His first name’s Lori.”

“Geez,” Jade chuckles, finding the ores. “And what, you expect to tell me that you didn’t tell him exactly where these posts are?”

Lev smirks. “I’m not about to help people kill my own.” He says, grabbing one of the ores from Jade’s hand. “I hate the Wyrm and Lili, trust me, kill them ten thousand time over, see if I give a shit. But the people? They’re misguided. Brainwashed. They’re just trying to survive too. I don’t know what Lori and his people are doing, and they’re not exactly telling me the details of their operations, so I’m gonna keep to myself until then.”

“Yeah,” Jade begins to row. “I wouldn’t trust either of them either.”

Kit wonders when’s the last time she kissed Jade.

She thinks this through as she wanders up and down the hallways she’s fucking locked in.

She tried the back door. Multiple times.

No luck.

People are sleeping still, and Kit is basically just waiting for them to get up.

So, she thinks about the last time they kissed, when it was just two of them. Not captured and imprisoned.

Kit feels her heart drop at the realization that she doesn’t remember.

She swallows the lump in her throat and contemplated calling her, but she deosn’t even know if the walkie talkie will pick anything up. Not if Jade is already up and at it since the sun began to rise. Knowing her, she is.

She sighs.

Her people might be up but they’re locked in like criminals.

She sighs louder.

She goes to a guard by the door up the stairs and calls out to him. When he comes into view. “Can you call my dad down here? I need to talk to him.”

It’s obvious the man was knocked out, but Kit doesn’t care. “Oh, yeah? You want breakfast and coffee with that order, too?”

Kit is taken aback. She frowns, all ready to cuss his ass out.

“You’re lucky you’re free to roam around. You can go up and get him yourself.” The man says, turning away and raising both legs on the chair in front of him. “I’m busy.” 

Kit scoffs, moved up the stairs and pushed past him. “Useless piece of shit.” She mumbles under her breath, opening the door he’s supposedly ‘guarding’.

It doesn’t take Kit long to figure out where the main area is. From the main hallway they walked through when they first were brought here, they took a left and were taken down the stairs to the rooms they were kept in. Now, leaving that room, Kit figured she’d only have to take the double doors to her left.

Kit had to wait for someone with a stupid badge to gain access inside, then having to sneak quickly behind them and slip in unnoticed.

The area was huge, seemingly the old hospital’s lobby. Steel table lined up the whole area with people sitting and chatting. It’s too crowded for this time of day, so Toth’s people might be early birds. Kit didn’t care, in fact, she was grateful. She’d be able to blend in with so many people around. She eyes the people standing in line, grabbing trays of food, trying to see if she recognizes any of them. She scans the area, eyes looking for a figure she knows like the back of her hand.

She spots him only a few feet away, chatting with someone she doesn’t know. Except, as she gets closer, she realizes she does know her.

Elena.

She saw her come in last night to look over Graydon’s wound and stitch him up again. Kit doesn’t have anything against the woman, she is nice enough.

Her mere existence bothers her, though.

Especially if that existence is within the same vicinity as her father.

Kit rolls her eyes, and approaches them. Didn’t care if she’s interrupting.

“I need to talk to you.”

Madmartigan looks back at her over his shoulder, Elena’s smile slowly dropping from her face at Kit’s tone.

“Excuse me, El.” Madmartigan says, as he turns fully to Kit. He give her a soft smile. “Hey, Kit. How’d you sleep?”

“Like shit,” Kit says, honest as ever. “Didn’t mean to interrupt you and your girlfriend.”

“Come on, Kit.” Madmartigan says, a frown between his own brows. “I’m married.”

“Oh, good. So, you remember.” Kit says, knowing she’s just trying to hurt him.

“Of course—Kit, of course I remember. I never—”

“I need to get out.” Kit interrupts, deciding that she actually believed her father and didn’t want to make a bigger deal out of it. She had more pressing issues, anyways. “I don’t care if Toth wants to keep the others for a bit, I’m following Jade before she gets too far.”

“Kit…”

And Kit shuts her eyes, irritated at how many times she’s had to hear her name being said that way.

“Jade made it clear that she didn’t want to you to go with her.” Madmargian says, twisting the knife that has been embedded into her heart since she learned that Jade was gone.

“She doesn’t care about what I want, why should I care about she wants?” Kit says, crossing her arms tightly, like it is really that simple. She knows it isn’t. “I’m leaving. I’m not asking.”

“Even if you’re not, as your father I’m obligated to tell you when you’re making a bad decision.” Madmartigan says, and for the first time since they’d been reunited, Kit can see his frustrations at her.

“Noted. I need my bag.” Kit says.

“You do realize I didn’t sneak Jade off without telling you on purpose, right?” He says, his frustration as evident as the sun that’s peeking through the far windows. “She wanted to say goodbye before leaving. It wasn’t some sort of elaborate scheme to get her to leave without saying anything to you.”

“Well, sure feels like it.” Kit says through the lump in her throat, her eyes burning. She blinks the tears away.

Madmartigan sighs, and looks at the far wall, and when he pulled Kit into his chest, Kit didn’t push him off.

After a moment, he moves back to look at her, but his arms still encircled his little girl. “I respected Jade’s decision because she is a grown adult, even if I loved her as my own.” He says, and then he sighs like he’s gonna regret saying the next few words. “So, I’m going to respect yours. If you want to go after her, I’m not going to stop you. Hell, I don’t think I can.”

“Really?” Kit says, her word small. Almost disbelieving.

“Yes,” Madmartigan says. “Your mother trusted you enough to get her here safely, so I’m gonna trust you, too.”

Kit doesn’t bother saying her mother’s trust wasn’t because she thought Kit was capable of protecting Jade. It was because she thought Jade was, and she knew that Kit was going to go regardless, and having Jade there only made it easier for her to say yes.

Believing anything else would be stupid.

She nods, “Thank you.”

“But you aren’t going alone.”

Kit rolls her eyes.

“Let me guess, your mentee?”

Her father nods with a smile, “and Scorpia. And the whole gang. My people bothered Lori’s enough, I think.”

“Lori?”

“Yeah, Toth?”

“Toth’s first name’s Lori?” Kit says, and she feels so much lighter knowing she’ll be out soon. She’ll be with Jade soon. So, she laughs, because what the fuck?

“Don’t call him that though.” Madmartigan says, his own voice laced with laughter.

“I’ll try not to.” Even though it’s so tempting

Jade sits in her room, on the edge of her bed, looking at the ceiling. There’s no training today, no schoolwork, nothing to distract Jade from her thoughts. 

Scorpia is busy, as always, and Kit was dragged by her mother to attend a family dinner, so Jade stares at the ceiling, legs swinging at the edge of the bed. 

Until a knock sounds from her door and she lowers her gaze to watch the door open after she yells, “Come in!” 

Ballentine’s looming figure steps in, “Hey, kid.” 

“Hi.” Jade politely gives him a small smile. 

“What are you doing?” He leans against the door frame, arms crossed. 

“Ummm,” Jade looks up at the ceiling and sees no point in lying. “staring at the ceiling?” 

Ballentine lets out a soft chuckle, “Well, I’d hate to interrupt such an important task, but I thought you’d like to get some training in before dinner, reckon you’d have it in you?”

Jade stands, trying so hard to keep her smile, and her excitement, at bay. “With the sniper, this time?”

There’s a shadow of a smile on Ballentine’s face. “It’s still larger than you, but we’ll give it a go today, yes.”

“Yeah?”

Ballentine gives a ghost of a smile, “Yes, kid.” 

Jade can’t help the little bounce she does when she follows him out the house. The spring air doesn’t take the stench of the dead as much as the winter does, so Jade has to teach herself not to grimace every time she leaves her and Ballentine’s new house. They walk in silence for a while, aiming for the armory.

She feels bad for Kit who’s stuck doing something Jade knows for sure she doesn’t want to do. She’d love to have joined them.

Jade doesn’t visit the armory much. Because she’s nine, almost ten, and because it’s by the gate that Jade rarely goes outside of.

In fact, she’s counted.

Since she and Ballentine arrived last winter, Jade left the gate one and a half time. One for training, like right now, and a half because she only got to the edge before Ballentine practically ordered her inside.

“We’re training outside today, too?” Jade asks.

“Call it an early birthday present.” Ballentine says, as he shoves the jammed door of the armory. “Hey, Tom.”

Tom greets them both, a kind smile on his face. “You’re taking the kid out? Sorsha approved it?”

“She’s my kid.” Ballentine says. “She doesn’t have to approve that. We’ll take a sniper and a pistol. The usual ones.”

Jade secretly rolls her eyes at pistol.

Pistols are for babies.

Tom glances at Jade and sighs. He turns around, and begins grabbing the requested weapons.

“The youth of tomorrow thank you for your constant contributions to their training.” Ballentine says, a teasing smile on his face.

“We really do.” Jade politely says, that instantly brings a smile to Tom’s face.

“Alright, get out of here you two.”

Ballentine chuckles drily, and points to the door. “Let’s go, kid.”

They walk out towards the gates, and they open it for them without hesitation. Jade assumes that since Tom gave them the weapons, they were authorized to leave anyways.

“You know, they’re playing a movie tonight.” Ballentine says as soon as they step out the gate.

“Wait, really?!”

Jade couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice. Was her birthday today? She feels like she’s seen a hundred movies by the way Kit would describe the ones she’s seen, so she’s pretty excited about getting to see one for real for the first time.

“Yes, really.”

“What’s the movie about?” Jade asks, keeping her eye on the ground.

“Well, it’s an adventure movie with two kids and a board game.” Ballentine says, looking up at the orange and pink sky. “I actually watched it in theaters before it all went to shit.” 

“Nice.” Jade says. “I forgot how old you are.” 

“Relax, it’ll happen to you too.” 

“I mean, one can hope.” 

“Oof, terrible joke.” Ballentine deadpans. 

Jade just shrugs as they continue walking ahead, Ballentine said that the areas around Tir Asleen are usually clear of any infected, but sometimes they can find a few strays. So, that’s what they’re doing right now.

Jade keeps her eyes peeled on her surroundings, wanting to be the one that points out an infected and kill it herself. She begins to absent-mindedly play with the frayed edges of her green sweater that Kit gave her, or rather stole for her, saying ‘I love the color red with green,” pointing towards her hair.

Kit also talked about the popcorn when she mentioned the movies that she’s watched, and how good it was, especially if they added chocolate to it. Since she already tried hot chocolate with Kit, maybe tonight they can add chocolate to their popcorn.

“I know you'd rather be here with your other half.” Ballentine suddenly says, a sneaky smile on his face.

Jade eyes him wearily.

“She’s not…my other half.” Jade says, though she feels like she’s lying, her heart beating out of her chest at the prospect of being found out to have lied. She can never lie with the people she was with before Ballentine. Jade shakes her head, trying not to think about them. “She’s just Kit.” 

“Mhmm.” Ballentine only says. Then, "How’d you know I was talking about her? I didn’t say her name.”

Jade looks at him he’s dumb. “Because she’s my only friend?”

Ballentine chuckles. “Alright, smartass. But you're attached at the hip. It's different, isn’t it?” 

Jade keeps her eyes fixed on the surrounding trees, unsure why this conversation makes her nervous. “She makes things better. Like if I’m scared, she makes me not scared. If I’m sad, she makes me not sad. She just makes things better.” 

“I’m glad. You deserve to have someone like that in your life.” Ballentine says.

Jade frowns, “And who is that for you?”

Ballentine puts on a face, and looks up seemingly in thought, “I suppose that’s you.”

“You suppose?” Jade says in mock offense.

“I guess.” He says with a shrug. “I have low standards.”

“Oh, shut up!” Jade is about to shove him onto the wet grounds when she sees it. Behind Ballentine, a few yards away, is a swaying, twitching infected.

It’s one of the fast ones, Jade thinks.

She points at it with her chin, and Ballentine locks in on it, hands gripping the sniper. “Hey! You said I’ll be the one to use it today. Here, grab the pistol.”

“I don’t know, Jade…” Ballentine is still eyeing the runner.

“Please? Please, Ballentine. You know I’ve got it!” She says.

Ballentine looks at Jade, then looks at the runner, then looks at Jade again before saying. “Ahh, fuck it.”

Jade grabs the sniper with an enthusiasm she never felt before. She feels her heart beating in her throat, and begin to slowly move the sniper up until she’s looking through its scope, aiming for the runner’s head. She’s practiced on training dummies, or bottles back in Tir Asleen, but never something as far away as this. Never at something moving around.

“You know what to do,” she hears Ballentine say beside her. “You have to breathe in and hold it. Then, squeeze. Remember that it’s moving slightly, so you’ll need to adjust.”

Her fingers wrapped around the grip of the gun. She could see the runner through the lens, and she forced her breathing to steady. She takes a deep breath, holds and fires away.

She feels the recoil slamming into her harsher than any pistol she’s tried, but she locks it quickly, having seen the other frame right behind the runner that just stumbled to the ground. Without waiting for Ballentine’s guidance, Jade aims, breathes in, holds and squeezes. Jade is ready for the recoil this time, so it didn’t startle her as much.

Jade lowers her weapon, and looks at Ballentine whose eyes were on the infected. “I didn’t even see the second one…” he says, almost to himself, then he looks down at her with a proud smile. “Good job, kid.”

Jade smiles back him, a flutter of pride hitting her chest at the praise. She always knew she wanted to make him proud. Knew she always wanted to repay him for saving her life, multiple times.

She keeps her smile on their way back, having felt like she’s earned it.

She promises herself that she will be better. That she was train consistently with the sniper. She is already listing a bunch of things she should improve on, but she’d be happy if the recoil wouldn’t hurt as much.

She loved the feeling of being strong and capable. It is what’s going to protect her. So, that night, she decided that she’s going to be the weapon.