Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If Regina George is being honest, she wouldn’t use the word “suite” to describe a four-person dorm room. “Suite” implies high-class, good treatment, normally something better than what everyone else gets.

However, here she stands in her four-person suite - surrounded by boxes and suitcases and bags and completely at a loss.

The suite is separated into three rooms. There are two bedrooms with two beds each in them, and then a common room in between the two of them. The problem lays in the fact that the paint on the walls is dated, the couch in the common room squeaks under anyone’s weight, and there’s a certain floorboard that Regina’s sure is going to try and kill her before the end of the week.

The names of her roommates are plastered on the door, put up by their RA on little Marvel-themed cutouts. When she was texting her RA, who’s also her ex-boyfriend, Aaron, about the arrangement, he said that he made sure to give her the Hulk-themed cutout. Apparently she’s scary when she’s angry, whatever that means.

Along with herself, there’s three other names. Cady Heron on an Iron Man icon, Gretchen Wieners on a Black Widow icon, and Karen Shetty on a Hawkeye icon. Aaron made sure to tell her all of those when they FaceTimed last night and Regina hates that she committed them to memory. 

Regina doesn’t know anything about the other girls. She wanted to look them up, but forgot in the chaos of getting ready to leave and a swarm of last minute packing, and as far as she’s aware, they haven’t bothered to reach out or look her up, either.

Regina’s roommate is the girl named Cady, who’s already here judging by boxes surrounding one of the beds and a lion plushy on the unmade bed. Regina wonders if she could get away with hiding it from everyone and everything. Who brings a plushy to college, anyway?

“You’re right by the window, how quaint!” her mother comments in a tone that’s more condescending than complimentary, and Regina rolls her eyes.

“I told you we should’ve left earlier,” she says, dropping her bag on the bed and grabbing her phone.

“Oh, hi!”

Regina turns on her heel, surprised to see a redhead with her arms full of a laundry basket practically spilling over with bedding and a backpack on in the doorway of the room.

Regina’s mother is quick to move out of the way, eyeing the girl curiously, and Regina finds herself mirroring her mother’s movements. 

The girl is all smiles, wearing a t-shirt that was clearly picked up at some tourist shop as well as a pair of caramel-colored cargo pants and what must be some kind of hiking shoe. It’s such a bizarre outfit that Regina loses any and all words for a good twelve seconds.

The woman behind the redhead is almost a spitting image of her, albeit aged 20 years and dressed much nicer.

“You must be Regina!” the girl puts her basket down on her bed and smiles brightly at Regina, sticking her hand out to shake, “I’m Cady, nice to meet you. We’re roommates!”

Regina nods uneasily and shakes her hand, really not expecting such a formal introduction.

“I’m Betsy, Cady’s mother,” the woman following her adds, dropping the box under her arm on to Cady’s desk. She makes no move to shake hands or hug or anything as she nods, “Nice to meet you both.”

“I’m Regina, and that’s my mother, June,” Regina gestures to her mother, tacking on an overly nice, “Lovely to meet you both.”

If Cady notices how fake her tone is, she doesn’t react in the slightest, and instead nods, “Well, my mom and I have more stuff to bring up. Did you hear we have an RA meeting at 6? I hope our other roommates are here by then.”

Regina nods stiffly, “Yeah. I did.”

Cady gives her a look, like she wants to say something more, but she instead turns back to her mother and they leave the room.

Regina’s mother lets out a short laugh when they leave, “Jesus Christ. What was that girl wearing? Is she going trekking through the woods? We’re in the suburbs, for fuck’s sake.”

Regina doesn’t comment, feeling like it’s a little bit of a bad omen, but she can’t help but agree. The girl’s walking around in hiking boots and cargo pants like she’s Bear Grylls. It’s kind of insane.

Her other two roommates arrive together. They’re clearly friends already, by the way they’re helping each other out almost wordlessly and how the taller girl doesn’t have anyone with her.

Gretchen, a short redhead (Jesus Christ there’s two of them), is doted after as she enters the room by who Regina assumes is her father, and speaking in rapid Spanish with her mother. Her suitcases are all monogrammed and she shares the same look of disappointment at the status of the room.

Karen, a gorgeous Indian girl with long curly hair, is all energy and excitement as she comes into the room, observing everything like she’s a puppy experiencing life for the first time. It’s almost endearing, if Regina weren’t so sure that that attitude is going to get old, fast. Her lack of family with her is curious, but Regina decides it’s probably that big of a deal. She would’ve left her mother at home if she could.

The girls all say goodbye to their families not too long after, and Regina finds herself alone in her room with Cady, unpacking.

“So, Regina, where are you from?”

Regina tries not to look too pissed off, “Here, actually.”

“Oh, really?” Cady’s voice pitches with intrigue, “My mom’s from Chicago originally! I know that’s not here, really, but it’s close. Her job in Africa finished this past spring and she decided that we’d finally move here because I was accepted to this school. She also got a job here as a professor in some higher level classes - she’s a biologist and she homeschooled me.”

The homeschooling thing makes sense, and Regina just pays mind to humming her acknowledgments and putting her clothes away in one of the dressers.

“What about you?” Cady asks as she shimmies her pillow into a pillowcase. “Why are you at Northwestern?”

Regina shrugs, “It’s close to home and a good school. I think my sister would’ve killed me if I went too far for college.”

“You have a sister?”

Regina nods, “Yeah. She’s eight.”

Cady pauses, “That’s cute. I’ve always wanted a sibling.”

Regina nods. She didn’t want one until maybe six months after Kylie was born, but now, that kid is basically hers. She’s just hoping that her mother doesn’t drive Kylie insane in the same way that she did Regina.

Cady goes on to tell Regina some stories as they keep unpacking. She talks about Africa and living there with her mom and how this is her first time getting “socialized” (Regina can tell) and then about how she was born here but moved when she was just four years old to Australia with her mom and dad. The dad thing is dropped very quickly after, and Regina doesn’t ask about it. She’s pretty sure she gets it.

A little before six, the girls all congregate in the common room to head to the floor meeting.

“Does anyone know where the meeting room is?” Gretchen asks.

Regina nods, “I do.”

Regina leads the four of them to the floor meeting, and is immediately greeted by a room filled with maybe twenty people. There’s a spot on one of the couches that’s open for the girls, and Regina’s quick to have them sit down there.

It just so happens that behind her, perched in one of the windowsills, is Shane. Shane is one of Regina’s friends from high school, and someone that she hooked up with for most of her junior year before he realized that he was gay and started poking suspicions at Regina’s sexuality. She shut his theories down, obviously, but has kept him around. They’re still best friends, even without shit sex, and he’s always been willing to fight pissy people off for her. (Not that she needs it, but he’s a good tool to have around.)

Aaron and another RA stand at the front of the room. He’s sporting a Northwestern Mens Soccer shirt and an old pair of jeans and looking insanely uncomfortable. Regina knows that he took the job for the free housing and some leadership experience, but she doesn’t know if even those things are worth whatever this is.

“Come on in, guys,” Aaron says, eyeing Regina and her roommates curiously. He doesn’t say anything, though, and Regina keeps an eye on the people in the room.

Since coming in, more people have arrived, some boys, some girls. Shane’s talking to a boy next to him that Regina recognizes to be his roommate, a guy named Damian Hubbard. He was telling Regina about him last night being that he stalked Damian’s Instagram - he’s a theater kid, he’s from Pennsylvania, and he plays piano.

Aaron’s about to close the door when two girls come piling in, thanking Aaron for letting them in and sitting in the two free seats by Shane’s roommate’s side.

The first girl is somewhat recognizable, though Regina can’t tell why. She’s a tall, black girl, wearing a Billie Eilish t-shirt and a pair of short-shorts.

That thought is quickly lost, though, because Regina’s heart nearly drops out of her ass at the sight of the second girl. She looks kind of like a mess - wearing a vintage t-shirt and too many bracelets and rings for one woman as well as a pair of baggy ripped jeans and platform dark green Converse - but she’s recognizable immediately.

She’s Janis ‘Imi’ike.

Regina looks away quickly, hoping that the girl doesn’t clock her, and Aaron moves back to the front of the room.

“Good evening, everyone,” he starts, clapping his hands together like some kind of lame suburban dad, “I’m Aaron, one of your RAs for this year. My dorm is the one right next to the elevator and marked, so if you ever need someone, that’s where I am. Either way, welcome to Northwestern. This is a really good school and you should all be proud of yourselves for getting in here.”

The other RA, a girl with her hair pulled into a tight ponytail and sporting a generic Northwestern t-shirt, adds, “And I’m Claire, my dorm is on the other side of the elevator. We’ll also be able to be found in the RA office on this floor or on the third floor.”

Aaron nods, “Some ground rules; quiet hours are after nine. Which basically means, respect the people around you, turn down your music, don’t get into screaming arguments with your roommates, all of that. We’d also appreciate just no screaming arguments in general, but stuff happens. If things are that bad with your roommates, let me or any other RA know and we’ll see if we can get things sorted, whether that’s getting you on the same page as your roommate or getting your room moved entirely.”

Regina almost snorts. She can’t imagine anything being so dramatic that she’d willingly get into a screaming fight with any of her roommates.

“Also, ground rules. You’re under 21? No alcohol or weed or other illegal substances. No pets, and that includes literally anything. You can’t have a fish or a cat or a dog or an iguana. I also don’t want to write any of you up and I know that everyone’s adults here, so if you feel like breaking rules, feel like having a really good backup plan so that I don’t see it or smell it or hear it. Yeah?”

There’s a muttering of agreements from the students in the room and Regina adjusts herself to sit a little taller when Claire brings up a quick round of icebreakers.

It takes a couple of minutes, but they eventually get around to Regina’s roommates.

“I’m Karen. I’m from Miami originally and I really suck at math but I really enjoy talking to people, so I’m majoring in psychology.”

Gretchen’s next, “Nice to meet you all, I’m Gretchen! Karen and I are from the same area and have been friends forever, which is cool, and I’m majoring in English.”

Regina’s next and she toys for a second with what fact she wants to share before saying simply, “I’m Regina. I went to high school with Aaron and I’m majoring in criminal justice to hopefully be a lawyer.”

Unfazed as ever, Cady goes, “Hi, I’m Cady Heron. I’ve spent the last eight years in Africa with my mom while she worked there and this has been my first couple of months in the States since I was a little kid. And I’m majoring in applied mathematics.”

There are a couple more people before “Hey everyone, I’m Shane. I’m currently not majoring in anything but I’m thinkin’ about majoring in journalism if the whole football thing doesn’t work out.”

His roommate is next, smiling at everyone like he’s some kind of entertainer, “Hi y’all, I’m Damian. I’m majoring in theatre and my favorite musical on Broadway right now is SIX.”

Janis is next - wearing some kind of look where Regina can’t tell exactly what she’s thinking, but she knows that she’s not having fun - and hums, “I’m Janis ‘Imi’ike, and uh, I’m majoring in Fine Arts. I’m actually moving back here for school, but I was living in Hawaiʻi for the past five-ish years.”

Janis’ eyes land on Regina in the last second of her fact and her face drops, like she’s seeing a ghost, before quickly smiling at the other people in the room and looking anywhere but at Regina.

Regina presses her lips together and hopes to not show off how fucking screwed she is.

Chapter Text

Regina’s as anxious as ever to get the fuck away from this meeting, but of course, Cady stops them from leaving because she wants to talk to someone.

Karen and Gretchen exchange curious looks, but Regina’s more preoccupied with seeking out Shane. She cringes when he walks with Damian and Janis and stops at her group.

He looks concerned, but he doesn’t say anything as Cady introduces everyone in the suite to Janis.

“We met online a couple of years ago!” Cady enthuses. “I know you met Gretchen already, Janis, but this is Karen, and this is Regina.”

“Yeah,” Janis nods, not meeting Regina’s eyes once, “nice to meet you, Karen and Regina.”

Regina doesn’t say anything back to Janis, but nods politely as Karen greets her. She can’t help but notice the way that Damian and Janis’ roommate are eyeing Regina curiously, like they know something. Regina doubts it. If Janis is still talking about her five years later, that’s kind of pathetic.

“Wait, Gretch, you met Janis already?” Karen asks.

“Yeah, we’re on the soccer team together,” Gretchen nods.

“Reg, I wanted to ask you something,” Shane suddenly interjects, pulling her off to the side before she can have any objections about it. He waits until they’re out of earshot of the others and then asks, “That’s our Janis?”

“No, she just has the same face and name and is also from Hawaii and also hates me and what the fuck do you think, Shane? Of course she’s the same fucking person. Of course that’s my fucking luck,” Regina swats his arm and he grabs her wrist, glaring at her like an older brother scolding their younger sibling. Regina finds that a bit absurd, she’s older than him by 3 months.

“Dude, chill the fuck out.”

“Did you just want to ask that?” Regina asks, yanking her hand free.

Shane lets go of her, “No. But you should solve shit with her before this is high school all over again. And Drew told me to invite you to the party he’s throwing tonight.”

Drew is Shane’s older brother. Somehow, he’s a senior this year, supposedly graduating in spring with a degree in communications. Regina’s pretty sure that he’s graduating with a -6.3 GPA and a minor in being an alcoholic,

“You told him that he can’t fuck me just because I’m 18 now, right?” Regina asks, earning a displeased look from Shane.

“He said that he’s not doing that,” Shane responds earnestly, “I’d still bring pepper spray. He’s gross. But you can bring your suite mates or something. And Aaron’s going.”

Regina huffs, “We’ll go. But any fuck shit and I’m leaving and you owe me booze.”

“Yeah, fair,” Shane responds, “now go tell your roommates that I got y’all invited to the party.”

“How are you out and still a pig?” Regina kicks his ankle and he groans.

“You’re a bitch.”

“And you’re a moron.”

-

Regina fixes her hair for the last time in the mirror before doing her lip gloss.

She’s barely aware of the bedroom door opening, but she looks over anyway, and sees Cady dressed up in a nice-looking dress and her hair pulled out of her face in some kind of half-up-half-down style. She looks nice, even if her outfit is a bit more conservative than Regina dressed herself.

Regina looks herself up and down in the mirror. She paired a long-sleeved crop-top with tight-fitting black leather pants and heeled black boots. She looks good - even her makeup is working out for her tonight.

The hard part, really, is going to be finding the least disgusting guy to make out with. 

“Wow, Regina, you look amazing,” Cady says, eyes wide.

Regina smirks, “I know. Are the others ready?”

“Karen is, but Gretchen’s finishing up,” Cady grabs her phone off of her bed and something out of her bedside drawer that Regina can’t see. Cady twirls around in her dress so that the skirt billows a little. “My dress has pockets, isn’t that amazing?”

“It’s great,” Regina responds, sliding her phone into her back pocket and switching her first earrings out for something that matches the outfit a bit better, “Let’s go.”

Cady nods and follows Regina out of the room, where Karen’s sitting on the couch and Regina can see through their open door to Gretchen fixing her hair in her mirror.

Karen looks up when she hears the two, smiling at Regina, “Wow! You look hot!”

“Thank you,” Regina says, “We ready to go?”

Karen nods, calling for Gretchen. The two are dressed up nicely, too, with Karen in a short magenta dress and heels that make her as tall as Regina and Gretchen in a soft pink dress and silver heels.

They get to the house that the party’s being hosted at in less than ten minutes, and Regina’s quick to stray off from the group and find drinks. Normally, she and Shane would pregame, but she’s yet to find a reliable source of alcohol here and her fake ID was confiscated last month by a dick cop.

She finds vodka and quickly does two shots in succession, hoping that the buzz carries her for a while.

“Hey, you made it!” Shane wraps an arm around her shoulder, sipping out of a red solo cup, “There are so many hot boys here. Every one that’s not for me is for you.”

“You’re wasted,” Regina grabs a soda as a chaser and takes a long drink from it before pouring strawberry-flavored vodka in to fill it up again, “did you bring your roommate?”

“Mhm,” Shane nods and tugs Regina along with him through the party and to the basement, “He’s gonna get so many boys. I’m jealous. I’m still straight looking. It’s sad.”

“I’m sure we can find you a beautiful boy,” Regina responds, sipping from her drink. The music playing down here is vibrating the walls and there are so many different things going on that without the alcohol, Regina would be feeling majorly overstimulated right now. “Motherfucker. What is she doing here?”

Janis, of course, is standing in the far corner of the room, leaned up against the wall as she talks to another girl. She has a pink solo cup in her hand and her fingers are dripping in rings.

She’s changed outfits since the floor meeting, now wearing a sleeveless top that shows off her arms, and Regina has to stop herself from ogling. It’s not like she’s gay or something, she just likes muscles, okay?

(Maybe she shudders when a muscular frat boy rips off his shirt and screams some kind of viking war call, but that’s because he’s loud, not because she doesn’t like boys.)

“She’s on the soccer team,” Shane shrugs, “Probably knows some upperclassmen. Oh! She’s friends with Damian! That might be it!”

Regina huffs and stops at a table decorated with various bowls of snacks. One bowl of chips is completely drenched in some kind of purple something, which Regina decides that she’s best off steering clear from, and she grabs a small bag of sealed chips from a tub of them under the table. Maybe she should’ve eaten dinner before she came - this alcohol is hitting her harder than she thought it would.

Fuck, she wants to kiss someone right now.

“Reg, I’m gonna go flirt with that guy,” Shane says, effectively leaving Regina by herself in this stuffy basement. Regina nods anyway and ditches her drink to finish off the chips.

“You look like you’re having the time of your life,” someone says, walking up to her.

Regina glances at the person. He’s a boy, wearing only a pair of jeans with some kind of mysterious stain and blue Nike sneakers. His boxers peek out over the waist of his jeans and he reeks of whiskey, but he’s clean shaven and wearing a dopey smile.

“Oh yeah,” Regina hums, eating another chip as she stares at him, “Never been happier.”

“You’re a freshman?” he asks, “or, freshwoman? I don’t wanna be un-inclusive. I’m down with chicks.”

Regina tries not to roll her eyes and manages an awkward laugh instead, “Yeah. Freshman. You?”

“Sophomore,” he grins proudly, “You’re hot, freshman.”

“I know,” Regina responds not at all humbly, “You’re okay, I guess.”

The guy looks genuinely offended, adjusting the backwards cap on his head as he looks down at himself, “The fuck? I don’t work out for nothing, babe. I’m attractive, you can say it.”

“Now you’re not,” Regina drops the chips on the table, “bye, sophomore.”

She walks away from the table and huffs. Boys are so fucking sensitive. She can’t stand them. It reaffirms her belief that less talking is better.

Regina takes a turn to go upstairs, only to bump into someone and spill at least a little bit of something on herself and the other person.

“What the fuck?” the girl groans, “Of course you’d fucking do that.”

“Are you missing the part where it’s on me, too?” Regina glares at the girl, not giving half of a shit that this girl is Janis. Well, maybe she gives a little bit of a shit. Janis looks good. And she didn’t plan on pissing her off tonight, even though she’s pretty sure that she doesn’t have to do a lot to manage that.

“Boohoo, I’m sure you can afford to get a new shirt,” Janis retorts, finishing off her drink and ditching the cup before walking upstairs.

Pissed, Regina follows her, “Are you seriously still pissed off at me?”

Janis stops in the middle of the stairs, making Regina almost trip. It’s nearly comical how Regina’s looking up at Janis right now.

“You fucking outed me to the entire fucking school and never apologized. Sue me for not being thrilled to see your fuckass face again!” Janis says, glaring hard at Regina. Regina hates that all she can think about is how Janis’ eye makeup looks perfect in the rainbow strobe light still gleaming up from downstairs.

Regina gapes, following Janis up the rest of the stairs and into the foyer of the house, “Fuckass face is a little harsh.”

“Sorry,” Janis turns on her heel to face Regina again, face full of insincere sincerity. Regina knows because she taught Janis how to do that. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry that everyone has to see your fuckass face and not know that you’re such a bitch. I’m sorry that people are going to have to figure that all out for their fucking selves because I’m 99% sure that you haven’t fucking changed one bit.”

Regina furrows her eyebrows, “You don’t know that.”

Janis shrugs, “Don’t I?”

Regina rolls her eyes and Janis takes that time to walk off again. Regina presses her lips together, frustrated, and moves to the kitchen to get another shot and hopefully scrub Janis from her mind.

She’s in the midst of pouring a shot of vodka when Karen walks in, stumbling on her feet and practically falling into Regina, “Hi!”

“Hey,” Regina swirls the drink around, “how much have you had?”

“A lot,” Karen hiccups against her, “Gretchen’s kissing a boy. He’s ugly.”

Regina hums. She’s sure he is. Most of them are. Half-naked sophomore definitely is.

“She picks the wrong boys,” Karen pours a shot for herself, “every time. They’re always mean to her and they’re mean about her anxiety and they’re mean about how smart she is but Regina… Regina… she’s so cool. They don’t know anything. They’re stupid.”

“I’m sure they are,” Regina responds, downing the shot with as little of a flinch as she can muster, “Where’s the other one?”

Karen looks confused, “Cady?”

“Yeah, her.”

“Living room,” Karen shrugs, “Do you think she’ll help me stop Gretchen from kissing that boy?”

Not wanting to be involved, Regina nods, “Probably.”

Karen nods, downing her own shot before muttering a quick goodbye and running off. Regina would be impressed if she weren’t so concerned with the fact that Janis is in here now.

“Are you fucking following me?” Regina asks, crinkling her nose, “You bitch.”

“Why the fuck would I do that?” Janis asks.

Regina shrugs, watching as Janis pours herself a shot of tequila and downs it with no reaction.

Regina’s sure that it’s the vodka speaking but she’s pretty convinced that that’s the hottest thing she’s ever seen.

“Why are you staring?” Janis looks displeased, mixing a drink of god knows what. Regina doesn’t have any kind of comeback and Regina can’t stop staring. Maybe the vodka had gay poison in it and now she’s going to be attracted to this ball of pure annoyance for the rest of the night.

It doesn’t help that Janis sticks her tongue out a little as she makes her drink, or that she licks her lips before she takes a sip. Regina wants to kiss her. Would it be so bad to kiss her?

Yes. It would. She knows it would.

She leaves the room without another word and heads upstairs to the bathroom, needing a minute away from everything.

In her determined haze, she doesn’t notice anyone following her, and it’s not until she kicks the door closed and realizes that it never closed that she catches Janis in the doorway.

“Are you gonna throw up?” Janis asks, “You ran pretty quickly. I only run if I’m going to throw up.”

“I’m not going to throw up,” Regina retorts, “Why the fuck do you even care? I’m a fuckass, right?”

“No, you have a fuckass face,” Janis remarks, closing the door behind herself and looking Regina up and down, “Did your boobs grow?”

Regina looks down at her chest and then at Janis, “I think so. Why do you know that?”

“They’re…” Janis gestures loosely to Regina’s chest, “pow. That shirt is helping.”

Regina hums. That was the intent.

“So now what?” Regina asks, staring Janis up and down. She’s wearing a pair of jeans that are so ripped that Regina can see the large-knit fishnet stockings that Janis is wearing beneath them. It’s not fair of her to look this hot in a shirt that Regina has known for years is decidedly unsexy on men.

“I dunno,” Janis shrugs, running a hand through her hair, “I think I leave. Have fun not throwing up.”

Regina furrows her eyebrows. Janis can’t leave. Not when she looks like that and Regina so desperately needs to kiss someone and has the gay vodka in her system.

She really should just stop drinking vodka, honestly. Girls are always more attractive after she starts drinking vodka. Or really just drinking in general.

Janis’ hand is on the doorknob and she’s got it open an inch when Regina steps fully into her space.

She looks confused, “What?”

Regina doesn’t waste a second in making sure the door’s closed again before pushing Janis against it and kissing her. 

Sure, she last kissed Janis five years ago in the living room of her parents’ mansion, and sure, she hasn’t had a kiss that’s made her feel that way since, but this one might be better.

Janis whimpers against her lips and Regina doesn’t have to guess - this one is better.

Janis kisses her back even harder and her hands move to Regina’s hips, holding on to her so tightly that Regina’s sure she’s going to have bruises there.

Regina uses her free hand to feel the skin of Janis’ side. She’s warm, so fucking warm, and soft, and everything that boys aren’t and it’s making electricity roll through her veins at a rapid pace. It doesn’t take her long to part from Janis and see the way her pupils have practically turned black before she decides that she needs more. She needs so much more.

She starts kissing her way down Janis’ neck, smiling against Janis’ skin when Janis tangles one of her hands in her hair.

“Don’t you dare fucking leave a mark,” Janis breathes out, “I’ll end you.”

“I’m already craning my neck to get down to you,” Regina retorts, squeezing Janis’ side to get her to stay still as she kisses down to Janis’ shoulder, paying careful mind to not leave marks. It wouldn’t reflect well on her to do that.

“You’re a bitch, holy shit,” Janis whines as Regina finds a particular spot at the base of her neck, “Regina, holy fuck.”

Regina looks back at Janis’ face, “You want to do this?”

“If you leave me hanging now, you’re more of a bitch than I thought,” Janis retorts, pulling Regina to kiss her again.

Regina kisses her quickly before sliding her hands under Janis’ legs and lifting her, thankful that she’s not heavy as she kisses her a little harder.

She gets Janis sitting on the counter of the bathroom before getting Janis’ shirt off and almost foaming at the mouth at the sight of Janis’ bra. Sure, it’s just a black sports bra, but she looks fucking amazing anyway and Regina’s quick to start kissing down her chest again.

“Fuck,” Janis whines, “Take your shirt off, please.”

Regina nods, letting Janis help her out of her shirt.

It’s barely off of her when Janis pulls her in and kisses her neck, grinning when Regina whimpers at a spot under her ear. She knows that she’s wet now and curses the gay vodka for making her so fucking easy.

“Ah, be quiet,” Janis tuts teasingly, “wouldn’t want anyone to hear the straightest girl on campus getting off to another girl, right?”

“I hate you.”

“Mhm,” Janis hums, sucking on a spot on her collarbone in a way that Regina knows there’s going to be a mark.

Not wanting Janis to have the upper hand for long, Regina pulls her in for a kiss and unbuttons the brunette’s pants, cupping her pussy over her underwear. She digs her palm against where she knows Janis’ clit is, and smiles proudly when Janis moans against her lips.

(So, maybe, this isn’t her first time with a girl.)

(Not that Regina would ever tell anyone that.)

“Aw, baby, you’re so wet,” Regina teases, sliding her free hand over Janis’ bra quickly before wriggling her hand under the strap and pinching Janis’ nipple, “that’s all for me?”

“Do I have to say yes for you to fuck me?” Janis asks, her head coming to lean against Regina’s.

Enjoying the power a little more than she probably should, Regina hums, “You do.”

“Fuck you. Yes that’s for you,” Janis whimpers, knuckles going white as she grips on to the edge of the counter. Regina slides her hand into Janis’ underwear and presses against her clit, making the brunette let out a sharp moan, “You’re such a bitch. Fuck me, already!”

Having gotten what she wanted, Regina’s quick about sliding two fingers inside of her and fucking her slowly. She’s trying to find something - anything. Some evil part of herself wants this moment to go on forever.

“Regina, oh my god,” Janis says between moans, whining when Regina hits a particular spot, “Fuck!”

Regina smiles to herself, “Are you close, babe?”

Janis barely manages to whine a “mhm” against Regina.

“Come for me,” Regina whispers, kissing the spot at the base of Janis’ neck again.

Regina can’t help the pride that swells in her chest at Janis coming unraveled by her hands, and tries to be gentle as Janis comes down. She’s like jelly in Regina’s arms, and she presses a kiss to Janis’ sweaty forehead, “You’re gonna be okay.”

“I feel so much better than okay right now,” Janis laughs, “You’re still a bitch, though.”

“I’m aware,” Regina says, unabashedly staring at Janis’ half-exposed chest.

Janis takes another minute before looking back at Regina, a new fire in her eyes, “I think it’s your turn.”

Regina can’t help but lean into it when Janis kisses her again, and if she has an orgasm by Janis ‘Imi’ike’s hand in a fraternity bathroom, that’s her business.

(Maybe she’s a little gay.)

(It’s probably just the vodka, though.)

Chapter Text

When Regina wakes up, it’s dark.

She knows it’s too early. And she’s so warm, under a big fluffy blanket that’s tickling her lower back ever-so-slightly where her shirt has ridden up. She nuzzles the pillow underneath her, wanting to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep for at least another couple of hours. Being up before the sun is up is insane, even for her.

She adjusts her hand on the pillow that she’s wrapped around, pinky dancing around the hem of the pillowcase before falling beneath it and landing on bare skin.

Regina’s eyes shoot open. There shouldn't be skin.

She blinks, trying to get her bearings in the dark room. Moonlight is shining in between the closed blinds on the window, revealing that she’s 100% not in her room and instead someone else’s.

What the fuck happened?

She moves away from the person that she’s laying on, confused until she realizes that she was laying on Janis of all people. How the fuck did this happen?

She feels dumb for a second - she doesn’t own a fluffy blanket like Janis has, and she never wakes up warm. She’s always running cold. Janis used to whine whenever Regina’s hands touched hers because her fingers felt like icicles. She brushes the thought off.

Hopeful that Janis is just as much of a deep sleeper as she was when they were kids, Regina slinks out of bed and runs a hand through her hair, trying to collect herself. She needs out of this fucking room.

She spots her phone on the nightstand, right next to Janis’ phone, and quickly slips it into her pocket. Her shoes have been ditched by the foot of the bed, and she grabs those by the heels and her discarded shirt and bra laying over Janis’ desk chair.

That’s when she realizes that she’s wearing a shirt that doesn’t belong to her, and she considers for a moment changing into her old outfit and leaving the shirt, but looking at her bra makes her reconsider.

She just has to get down the hallway. That’s all. No one’s going to see her at this hour, anyway.

Regina glances back at Janis, who hasn’t moved from her spot on the bed. She can see Janis’ face a little through the limited light in the room, and for a second she thinks about staying. She knows she can’t, but she can’t help the wish that that could happen. 

She bites the inside of her cheek, shaking her head. She can’t entertain bullshit like this. It’s not like she’s actually gay or something - this was just a slip-up. Really, Regina should be considering just being sober for the rest of her life. She’s never this sloppy when she’s sober.

Not wanting to leave without a warning, though, Regina finds a pad of sticky notes on Janis’ desk and quickly scribbles down a note to leave her.

Thanks for the shirt - R

Thinking that’s sufficient, she sticks the note on Janis’ phone and turns to leave. She doesn’t look back as she leaves the room, and hopes that her roommates left the door unlocked when she realizes that she doesn’t have her key on her.

Regina counts her luck as she walks down the hall and to her suite. She’s lucky that Janis’ roommate wasn’t home. She’s lucky that Janis let her stay with her. She’s lucky that her roommates probably have no idea about what’s occurred. And she’s lucky that her headache isn’t worse right now.

Thankfully, the door is open when she gets to it, and she cringes when she realizes that the light in the common room is on and Gretchen’s sitting on the couch.

Gretchen looks up at her from her laptop, “Where have you been?”

“Nowhere,” Regina responds, wishing she changed her shirt. “I’m going to bed.”

“Be quiet, I think that Cady went to bed like twenty minutes ago,” Gretchen warns, and Regina nods. She’s pretty sure that if she can crawl out of bed with someone undetected, she can manage not disturbing Cady from across the room.

The door creaks as Regina pushes it open, but Cady doesn’t seem to move at all, and Regina quickly closes the door behind herself and drops her shirt and bra in her dirty laundry bin before grabbing a pair of PJ pants from her dresser and changing into them. Her teeth feel grimy and she really wishes she could take a shower, but there’s nothing less appealing right now than going into that community bathroom.

She crawls into bed and buries her face in the pillows, hoping on one end that she doesn’t wake up too early and on the other that no one finds out about her and Janis.

-

The next morning, after taking a much-needed shower, Regina returns to the suite and finds that the other girls are sprawled out on the couch and armchairs, talking about something that Regina’s not privy to. Not that she cares - she has more important things to tend to, anyway.

“Where did you go last night?” Karen asks, eyes wide, “I don’t think I saw you after… our conversation with the drinks?”

“It’s not important,” Regina shakes her head.

She moves to go to her room, wanting to get her keys and wallet before heading off, but Cady stops her.

“You should tell us when you’re not coming home,” she gives Regina a concerned look, “what if you got kidnapped?”

“I was home before you woke up,” Regina says, “just because I got home late doesn’t mean anything. And I don’t have to tell you guys where I’m going - we’re literally in college. We’re adults.”

“Trafficking is a real concern,” Gretchen adds, and Regina huffs.

She wants to be left alone. Why won’t they just do that? She really should’ve just gotten a fucking single.

“I’m not going to be trafficked,” Regina retorts, “and I was home before any of you woke up. Your concern is misplaced.”

The girls go silent and Regina presses her lips together before going into her room, frustrated. She quickly collects her keys, wallet, and phone before stopping completely by her bed.

Janis’ shirt is in the midst of her laundry, and she can’t help but stare for a minute. She stole Janis’ shirt like some selfish girlfriend. Who is she? She separates it from the rest of the laundry and tucks it in the back of her dresser, not wanting to look at it any longer.

The rational solution would be to not have kept it in the first place, or to give it back to Janis, but now that she has it, she doesn’t want to consider either one of those possibilities. 

(And selfishly, this does give her a reason to see Janis if she ever needs one.)

She leaves the room and brushes past the common room without another word, heading out of the dorm building and to the student parking lot. She promised Kylie that she’d visit today. They both start school tomorrow and she doesn’t plan on going back on any promises that she’s made Kylie.

She gets to the house in less than twenty minutes, and parks next to her mother’s car in the driveway.

Kylie’s running out of the house before Regina can even turn off the car, and Regina’s quick about getting out and pulling Kylie into a tight hug.

“Hey, babe,” Regina kisses her head, “I was only gone one night.”

“I missed you,” Kylie responds simply, holding on to Regina’s waist, “Mom made the pancakes wrong.”

How the hell did she manage that? crosses through Regina’s mind, but she ignores it and gives her sister a censored version as she locks her car and hoists Kylie into her arms.

“Too thick? Or too thin?” she asks, walking up to the house.

“Not enough chocolate chips,” Kylie responds, squirming to get down by the time they get to the door, “Can you teach me how to make them so that mom doesn’t mess them up?”

Regina nods, “When you’re a little older, sure, Ky.”

Kylie nods, placated for the time being, and leads Regina up to her room, “What’s college like, Reggie?”

“It hasn’t even started yet, how could I answer that?” Regina asks with a little more enthusiasm than she probably should. She doesn’t want to even begin unloading the craziness that’s been the last twelve hours on her kid sister, though.

“What’s your dorm like?” Kylie tugs Regina to lay on her bed with her, “did you put posters up? Do you have a mini-fridge? Or is that just in the movies?”

Regina hums, looking over at Kylie, “My roommate and I have a mini-fridge in our room. Her mom brought it and it’s empty right now. And we have a microwave in the common room of our suite, the one that mom bought.”

“Do you make hot pockets?”

“Nah,” Regina shakes her head, “not yet, at least. Families’ weekend, you can come and make us hot pockets, though, how about that?”

“I like that,” Kylie responds before going into another slew of college questions. Regina wants to know what her sister has been seeing that’s brought the topic of murphy beds into conversation, but she answers the best she can.

They’re in the midst of discussing the food situation and how kitchens don’t exist in college (Kylie’s disappointed about the lack of pancakes) when Regina’s mother comes in.

“Regina, I thought I heard you come in.”

Regina sits up on the bed, “I’ve been here like half an hour.”

“I was doing my facial care,” her mother replies, as if that’s something Regina should know off the top of her head, “Your father’s coming tonight, are you staying for dinner?”

“Probably not,” Regina glances at Kylie, who looks a little disappointed at that, “how long is he going to be in town?”

“A couple of weeks,” her mother looks at her daughters and Regina feels uncomfortable. Maybe college is going to do some good for her because she can’t stand this woman. “Any cute boys on campus?”

Regina manages a strained smile, “Yeah. A few. I can fill you in later, does that work?”

Her mother seems to accept that response, muttering something about going and running errands before disappearing from the doorway and leaving the sisters alone again.

“Do you have a boyfriend, Reggie?”

As much as she wants to scream at that question, Regina plasters a smile on her face and playfully rolls her eyes at her sister, “Do you have a boyfriend, Ky?”

Her time with Kylie is up faster than she planned, but she’s heading back to campus an hour before her father’s due to arrive. She doesn’t like him much. He’s never around, he’s always critical of something with her mother while doting after Kylie and paying very little mind to Regina. Regina’s sure that that has something to do with the fact that Kylie doesn’t have a gay best friend like Regina did when she was her age.

It’s not her fault that Janis ‘Imi’ike’s a lesbian. Or that Shane’s gay. She still doesn’t know why she’s being blamed for that.

The suite is empty when Regina gets back, and she finally takes the time to check her notifications. Normally she’s pretty to date with any messages that she receives, but she tries to unplug around Kylie. She doesn’t know how much time she has with her before her parents deem her too much to be around a kid.

There are a couple of texts - two from Cady and Gretchen in their shared group chat, a few from Shane asking if she has any plans for tonight, and two texts from an unknown number.

808-593-5842
bitch

808-593-5842
give me my fucking shirt back

It’s not that unknown, really. A detective would be demoted if they couldn’t figure this one out.

blonde bitch
absolutely the fuck not

blonde bitch
if you didn’t know what you were doing when you handed it off that’s a you problem

gremlin
hello????

gremlin
can you not be a bitch for once in your life and give me my fucking shirt back

gremlin
i could’ve just left you half-naked but i was nice enough to give you two orgasms and a shirt and now u won’t fucking give it back

blonde bitch
i only remember one orgasm

gremlin
there were two.

gremlin
not my fault you were fucking wasted

Regina rolls her eyes. She wasn’t that bad. Sure, she doesn’t have a super clear memory of them getting back to the dorm, but she does remember kissing Janis again when they were in her room, and she does remember (with some more clarity than she had last night) how Janis let her stay. 

There’s an entirely too-foggy memory of Janis pulling her in to cuddle and Regina leaning into it, but she blames that on the alcohol. She shouldn’t be held responsible for whatever the fuck she was on last night.

gremlin
ur lucky im w cady rn and can’t ransack ur room

blonde bitch
good luck ever finding it <3

gremlin
fuck you

Regina snorts, thinking once again about the shirt stashed in the back of her dresser.

This time, it’s a bit harder to push to the back of her mind.

Chapter Text

Regina and Shane are in one of the dining halls on campus on the morning of their first day of classes. 

Regina’s been pushing around her eggs for the past five minutes, not really knowing why she got them aside from her mother’s voice in her head telling her that they’re healthy. She takes another strawberry piece and eats that instead.

Shane wolfs down his syrup-soaked pancakes with reckless abandon, talking about a boy he made out with between bites. Regina can’t believe that she used to sleep with him. He’s kind of disgusting.

“You hooked up with someone,” he says eventually, “and I’m done being a good friend and waiting for you to tell me on your own. Who did you fuck? Was it that shirtless guy that you were talking to? He liked you, I could tell.”

Regina shakes her head, “I didn’t hook up with anyone.”

Liar.

“Yeah, okay,” Shane hums, obviously unconvinced. Regina knows that he probably sees through her, he regularly does, but she doesn’t press the issue. What the fuck does Shane know, anyway?

“Are you projecting because you hooked up with someone?” Regina asks, tempted to throw her whole breakfast into the garbage. She’s not sure if she can do years of this shit food.

“It’s more half-wishful half-informed thinking because I didn’t hook up with someone,” Shane responds, ripping a large piece of his toast and shoving it all into her mouth. Regina looks back down at her food, wondering how she ever got to the point of having sex with this boy. He’s disgusting.

“How are things with your roommate?” Regina deflects, hoping Shane will drop the topic of her having any kind of hookup. She needs to get her mind off of it, too.

“He’s cool,” Shane shrugs, “You know, he’s friends with Janis. They met during orientation or something. And he knows something happened with you guys.”

The hair on the back of Regina’s hair stick up, “What?”

“Like, in middle school,” Shane doesn’t look up from his plate once, constructing some kind of breakfast sandwich monstrosity, “I don’t think he knows the specifics, but he knows that Janis hates you.”

“Phenomenal,” Regina breathes out. She’s so screwed. “That was five years ago, I wish everyone would just forget about it.”

“You know where people would’ve forgotten about it?” Shane asks, finally giving her a look.

“Don’t say it.”

“NYU,” Shane answers, poking his fork in her direction, “I still don’t know why you turned it down. You would’ve gotten away from your folks.”

“I don’t want to leave Kylie,” Regina responds, shaking her head, “I can still see her here. Who knows if they even would’ve let me back if I went to New York?”

“They’re so fucking stupid,” Shane says with an almost lethal amount of disdain in his voice, “She’s going to be around gay people. Telling you to not hang out with Janis or Shane isn’t going to change that. And they have no right to try cutting you off when you’re not gay anyway.”

“Yeah,” Regina says, her voice coming out a bit quieter this time. She’s not gay. She knows that. But she’s not not attracted to Janis, either. 

“What about your grandma?” Shane asks a minute later, sticking a straw through his sandwich to keep it together. Regina kind of wants to vomit at the sight of it - egg yolk dripping everywhere, hot sauce turning the entire thing a sickly shade of orange, the bread squishing in Shane’s hand - but tries to bring herself back to the conversation at hand.

Her grandma is a different conversation when it comes to her family. She’s always loved Regina, despite Regina’s not understanding why. Regina’s never been really easy to love, if she’s being honest with herself, but her grandma’s always been in her corner anyway. She was one of the few people in Regina’s life that adored Janis, and they spent maybe a month’s worth of time at her house over the span of two years between sleepovers and afternoons after summer camp ended.

She’s also the same woman overseeing Regina’s trust fund seeing as she’s managed the finances that once belonged to Regina’s grandfather for the past 16 years. Regina’s pretty sure that the only reason that her parents haven’t tapped into her trust fund is because of her grandmother.

“She’s paying for half of college,” Regina shrugs, “my parents are responsible for the other half. So if I fuck things up with them, I’ve lost half of the money I need for this school and I don’t have that.”

Shane looks like he’s about to speak but Regina cuts him off, “And I know, my grandma can afford to pay for all of it and dipping into my trust won’t really impact me in the long run, but the money isn’t the issue. I don’t want to be cut off from Kylie just because I don’t like them.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that they’re shit people,” Shane responds, “I just hope Kylie grows up to be nicer than you.”

“You’re the worst,” Regina kicks him under the table and checks her phone, “Oh, fuck, I have to get to class.”

“Good luck,” Shane says, eating his breakfast, “Text me later.”

“Yeah, sure,” Regina gathers her things and her garbage, tossing her food and tray before heading to the English building.

An introductory English class is required for all freshmen - something about getting them all on the same page because so many curriculums are completely all over the place - and while Regina’s not too fond of the idea, she does like an easy A to get her GPA started. Besides, most of the reviews on Rate My Professor weren’t awful.

She’s a couple of minutes early, and Regina finds a spot maybe midway up the lecture hall and close to the door where she situates herself.

The lecture hall is pretty large, but nothing too insane. The professor and his TAs are at the front of the room, talking as one of the TAs writes some stuff out on the whiteboard. Regina doesn’t care to read much of it when she sees that it’s primarily just the names of the professor and TAs, as well as a welcome to class thing, and finds herself glancing down at her phone as she waits for the class to start.

Shane was supposed to be in this class with her, but a different class took priority over this one and now she’s all alone. Not that it really matters, but it would’ve been nice to have someone that she knows around.

It’s like the universe heard her, because just 30 seconds before the professor is to start class, Janis comes barreling into the room.

She has what looks like an empty backpack slung over one shoulder, she’s wearing a hoodie with the women’s soccer logo on it and a pair of PJ pants, and she has something in her hand that Regina can’t quite make out.

She looks away the second that Janis meets her eyes, hoping to whatever’s out there that Janis won’t sit down next to her of all people. Then she’ll really be fucked.

But of course, Janis isn’t one to make Regina’s life simple in any way, and quickly moves to sit next to her.

“Where’s my shirt?” she asks, voice barely audible in the large room.

“Nice try,” Regina responds, looking Janis up and down. It’s practically a miracle that she manages to look like a disaster and hot at the same time. The thing in her hand is a Redbull, which she quickly cracks open before the class starts.

“I hate you,” Janis says in a quiet huff.

Regina doesn’t bother responding as the class begins, but she remains acutely aware of the brunette next to her as the professor goes through the his introductory speech, lets the TAs talk, and then has them go over the syllabus.

Janis is barely quiet the entire time, muttering curses (specifically what the fuck leaves her lips often) under her breath, tapping her foot to a beat that Regina’s sure exists only to her, and swirling her Redbull around in the can every couple of minutes.

If it were anyone else, Regina would be sure that the constant movement and noise would make her insane, but Janis’ fidgeting has always been comforting to her in some way. It’s bizarre that the movements are still comforting to her in adulthood, but she’s not exactly complaining. Would she rather be annoyed by Janis? She doesn’t think so.

At one point, while one of the TAs is going over a topic that they’ll cover halfway through the semester, Janis pushes a folded sticky note in Regina’s direction. There’s a small smirk on her face as she does so, and Regina unfolds the sticky note to see Janis’ shit handwriting.

shirt plz :)

Regina sticks her hand out and mouths pen to Janis when the girl give her a confused look. Janis is quick to fork over her pen - one of those gray Bic pens that you can buy in bulk at a grocery store - and Regina quickly writes NO on the sticky note and underlines it a couple of times for emphasis.

Janis rolls her eyes before looking back at the front of the room. Regina doesn’t even know what they’re talking about now. Is this how her semester is going to go?

Eventually, the class ends, and Janis is quick about getting up but watches as Regina collects her things like she’s waiting for her or something. Regina can’t help but be a bit confused - why would Janis be waiting for her? They’re not exactly friends, or something.

“So,” Janis rocks on her heels as Regina pulls her backpack on, “when am I getting my shirt back?”

“You’re not,” Regina responds, leading the two of them out of the lecture hall, “It’s fun to watch you try, though.”

“I hope you know,” Janis darts up so that she’s walking next to and in step with Regina, “I’m going to sit next to you and bug you until you give me my shirt back.”

“I’m flattered that you want to spend the rest of your life with me,” Regina teases.

Janis only rolls her eyes in response, “Whatever. Are you coming to the game on Friday?”

“What game?” Regina asks, thankful that her next class doesn’t start for an hour.

“Our first game of the season,” Janis replies, “the upperclassmen are throwing a big party after. It should be fun, and your roommate’s on the team.”

Regina furrows her eyebrows, “When have you ever known me to watch sports?”

Janis huffs, “God, you’re boring. I’m not inviting you to the game. I’m inviting you to the party afterwards and maybe the after party.”

“So you don’t want me at the game?” Regina raises an eyebrow.

“I mean,” Janis looks confused, “I don’t not want you at the game. What are you doing? I’m trying to have sex.”

Regina presses her lips together. She doesn’t have sex with girls. She makes drunken decisions that result in having sex with girls, sure, but she doesn’t go into things with the intent of sex. She’s not gay.

“What, did you not have a good time the other night?” Janis asks, a little concern laced in her voice. Regina would find it admirable if she weren’t so dead-set on the obvious. She’s straight. She’s not gay. She’s not looking for girls to hook up or have casual sex with.

“I was drunk,” Regina deflects, directing them off to the side where they’re less likely to be eavesdropped upon, “that’s all that was. I was drunk, you were drunk, we were drunk. Shit happens.”

“Shit happens?” Janis asks, eyes wide, “You’re gonna shit happens me? You kissed me, Regina. I was perfectly content to find you hot from afar and not do anything - you are the one that started shit and I’m not going to let you take your closeted shit out on me.”

“I’m not closeted,” Regina furrows her eyebrows, “I’m not gay, Janis.”

Janis just snorts, “Fuck, I was right. You haven’t changed a fucking bit since middle school. Whatever, Reg, sleep with whatever you want and go or don’t go to the soccer game.”

“I will,” Regina retorts, turning on her heel. She doesn’t need some closeting talk right now, let alone one from Janis. What does Janis know, anyway? She meets Regina drunk and thinks that that’s the truth? Regina doesn’t think so.

“Give me my fucking shirt back!” Janis calls out after her, and Regina ignores it.

She’s going to burn that fucking shirt.

Chapter Text

Janis ‘Imi’ike is not one to get hung up on a girl that will not prioritize her or be out or fuck her and then leave before she wakes up.

However, unfortunately for every party involved, Regina George is an exception to that rule.

It was a calculated risk to come back to Illinois after everything that happened between them, but Northwestern was offering her too much money to turn it down and she burned one too many bridges with queer girls in Hawaii to stay there for college without changing her name and getting a face transplant.

She knew Regina would probably be here, and she came back anyway. What she didn’t account for was Gretchen, one of her teammates, to be Regina’s roommate, or for Regina to grow up to be so fucking attractive or for them to lock themselves in a bathroom in a frat house and end up fucking each other before taking the affair back to her dorm and to do it again. She definitely didn’t account for the obsessive thoughts that she’s gotten off to for three days in a row now.

(Her roommate coming into college with a girlfriend and spending her time there rather than their dorm is a blessing in so many ways.)

Regardless, when Janis hears from Regina’s lips that somehow their encounter in the bathroom and her dorm means nothing and that she’s still “straight” (yeah, okay), it still kind of fucking hurts. It’s like pressing on a bruise that won’t heal.

It probably also doesn’t help that she’s getting updates from Gretchen, who she’s become pretty close with over the past couple of weeks of training together.

Gretchen’s funny in a way that must be unintentional and she’s always radiating anxious energy, but Janis doesn’t mind her. And, in some masochistic way, it’s nice to hear about Regina, even though those pieces are few and far between because, apparently, Regina doesn’t talk to her roommates. Janis wishes that she could say she’s surprised.

Gretchen’s rambling now about her roommate (and probable crush), Karen. Janis met her at the party, and aside from Karen very obviously checking her out and Janis mixing her a drink, they haven’t talked much. It’s sweet how close she and Gretchen are though, however homo-erotically charged their relationship is.

“She thinks that I shouldn’t date Jason,” Gretchen says, sitting on the bench a couple of feet down from Janis and putting her shoes on, “but he’s nice.”

“Probably because he looks like a fuck boy,” Janis retorts, tugging on her hoodie and running a hand through her hair. She’s been thinking of dyeing it again for the start of the season, but the idea of committing to bleaching it makes her nauseous.

“But he’s nice!” Gretchen insists again, “He didn’t push for us to hook up or anything, and we talked for, like, two hours, and he’s a pretty good kisser.”

“And he’s a junior,” Janis says, sliding on her own pair of checkered Vans, “You have to be at least a little bit of a fucking weirdo to talk to a girl who’s barely legal.”

Gretchen goes quiet and Janis feels a little bad for being so blunt. She’s never been too good at understanding what the hell goes through a straight girl’s brain when it comes to boys. “I’m sure he’s not a weirdo. Just, y’know, be careful. He’s older than you, he’s got a power position.”

Gretchen hums, dejected, “Karen hates him.”

Janis wishes that she was surprised, but she’s not. If her intuition is correct, Karen 100% has feelings for Gretchen and Gretchen’s too oblivious or straight to notice. In any other situation, she would pry, but she doesn’t think that she has the grounds for that with her own shit going on. Besides, she and Gretchen haven’t known each other long enough for a psychoanalysis.

“She just doesn’t want you to get your heart broken,” Janis grabs her backpack out of her locker and a lollipop from a little bucket hanging from the top of her locker. It’s a post-practice ritual that she started in high school. “Best friends are like that. Damian doesn’t even know who I hooked up with on Friday and he hates her.”

“I think he hates you for not fessing up about who it was,” Gretchen responds like it’s obvious, getting her own bag and taking a lollipop when Janis hands it to her. “Why won’t you tell anyone, by the way? Is it someone high-profile?”

She’d probably consider herself high-profile, Janis thinks cynically. She shakes her head, “She’s not out. I’m not about doing that to people.”

Gretchen hums, “I respect that, but Damian’s your best friend. You can trust him.”

Janis just shrugs. 

“Oh!” Gretchen says as they leave the locker room, eyes wide, “Karen told me that she saw you and Regina talking! I didn’t know you guys are friends.”

“We’re not…” Janis stores the lollipop in her cheek, fussing with her fraying phone case as they walk, “We’re not friends. She’s just in one of my classes.”

“Oh, well,” Gretchen winces, “I invited her to the game on Friday. She said she’s coming.”

Janis wonders bitterly if Regina slept with Gretchen, too, but dismisses the thought out of blatant jealousy. She wouldn’t put it past Regina to have slept with more women, though.

Gretchen’s backpedaling before Janis can say anything, “Is that going to be a problem? I had to convince her, I’m sure if I told her that she doesn’t have to come that she’d back out super fast.” 

Janis knows that she’s not going to ask that. She wouldn’t. 

“No, it’s fine,” Janis sends her a little smile even though she’s thinking of strangling Regina for saying no to her but saying yes to Gretchen. It’s a form of jealousy that is only reserved for Regina George. “We’re fine. She’ll be in the stands, anyway, who cares?”

Gretchen nods, still looking unsure, and they head back to their dorm building. Janis just wishes that Regina were easier to hate.

-

The game rolls around faster than expected, and after watching Gretchen score the winning goal, Janis feels like she’s on cloud nine.

She’s just finished talking to Damian when she runs into a girl that she’s definitely met already but doesn’t remember the name of, and the girl is so touchy and smiley in the middle of the living room of the frat house that they’re in and it’s wonderful.

“You looked amazing out there,” she says, leaning closer to Janis and sliding an arm around her waist, dancing a little closer to her, “we should go back to my place.”

“I don’t…” Janis hums, “I don’t really wanna hook up tonight. I appreciate the offer, though, because you’re pretty. And maybe another time! Right?”

“Oh, come on,” the girl whines and Janis can practically taste the vodka on her breath from how potent it is, “You’re hot, I’m hot, we should just do it.”

“No, I’m good,” Janis slurs out, taking a step back from the girl and feeling something burning into her side. When she looks in that direction, she sees Regina staring at her.

She looks amazing tonight, makeup done in the school’s colors, hair flowing over her shoulders, jewelry dripping from her ears and fingers. Her top is cropped, showing off her stomach and the neckline leaves little to the imagination. Janis wants to eat her in more ways than one.

There’s still the other girl, tugging at her side, whining into her ear a desperate please that Janis would otherwise be all over, but Regina’s all that’s on her mind.

She’s like a blonde parasite. She’s permeating Janis’ brain; she’s in her dreams and her nightmares and around every corner. Janis hates it.

She hates even more how Regina George is a statistical anomaly of a person while also being the biggest stereotype there is. Janis has never understood her fully, which is probably why she’s been so enthralled by the blonde for so much of her life. 

She doesn’t really understand Regina’s persistence about not being gay. It’s the same shit that she put Janis through when they were in middle school and everyone thought that just because she and Janis kissed during spin the bottle that they were in some kind of relationship. Janis never understood that - Regina was dating Kyle at the time, and Janis wasn’t even out.

(Of course, Regina eventually outed Janis while exclaiming that she was straight, and the bullying didn’t let up until Janis finally just fucking moved, but that’s not the point.)

The point - the point - is that Regina George is staring at her right now and Janis should hate her but she just wants to kiss the pissed look off of her face.

“I gotta go,” Janis pushes the girl away by her chest and drops her solo cup on a table before heading upstairs and to the main floor of the house. 

It’s less crowded up here, but the music is still blasting, and Janis heads out to the back porch to gather her thoughts. The effort is kind of fruitless, she’s too drunk to have even one coherent thought, but god she wishes it’d work at least a little bit.

Cold rushes over her exposed arms and she crosses them in hopes to get some warmth. It’s not even that cold, but the contrast from inside is stark and she’s been living in Hawaiʻi for five years. She’s not ready for an Illinois winter, that’s for fucking sure.

“Are you the one going through a sexuality crisis now?”

Janis turns, unsurprised to see Regina standing there. She’s holding her own solo cup, and takes a sip before fully stepping out on to the porch and closing the sliding door behind herself.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Janis asks, furrowing her eyebrows.

“You pushed that girl off so fast,” Regina looks almost amused, and she seems way less drunk than Janis is. Janis hates that she still wants to kiss her.

“She was being pushy,” Janis shrugs, really wishing she brought a jacket with her. It’s so fucking cold.

Regina hums, not saying anything. She’s still staring at Janis. Janis doesn’t know what to do with that.

“Why are you here?” Janis finally asks, burying her fingers in the crooks of her elbows, not sure if she’s cold or self-conscious or a morbid combination of both. Either way, she doesn’t like it. It’s all too vulnerable.

Regina shrugs. Janis should’ve expected that.

“I’m too drunk for this,” Janis mutters, filter completely shot, “and too cold.”

“You’re cold?” Regina looks surprised this time and finishes her drink, tossing it into an open trash bag on the corner of the porch, “It’s like, 65 degrees.”

“Hey, I never said I was perfect,” Janis retorts.

Regina laughs, “Fair. Come here.”

She opens one of her arms and Janis pauses, unsure if Regina’s actually offering a hug or if she’s about to be strangled. Both are viable options. Janis knows that Regina’s a little gay, and that makes her a liability. Janis wouldn’t put it against Regina to kill her right now and somehow make it look like an accident. Rich people are always making things look like accidents.

But, Regina looks somewhat genuine, and Janis kind of wants to trust it. She’s too cold to not trust it.

She’s definitely waited too long, though, and Regina pulls her into her side, rubbing her bicep up and down, “You used to ask for extra blankets every time you stayed at my house.”

“Because your mom is a psychopath and keeps the thermostat at 68,” Janis retorts, leaning into the gesture a little more than she would sober. Well, she doubts that she’d be in this situation at all if she were sober because sober Janis would’ve remembered a coat.

“She’s a psychopath for many reasons, the thermostat is not one of them,” Regina responds, tensing for an almost imperceptible second when Janis rests her head against her collarbone. Janis tries not to think about how good Regina smells, how it’s recognizable and brand new all at once, or how Regina’s hair - her stupid soft perfect hair - is tickling the side of her face.

“Agree to disagree,” Janis blows a noncommittal raspberry and Regina hums.

“Let’s get you home, drunkie,” Regina says, her arm sliding down to wrap around Janis’ waist, “And, for the record, I’m not doing this for any reason other than you’re a good excuse to go home early. This party is awful. I think I saw three separate football bros vomit.”

Janis hums, “Can’t believe you’re using me.”

“Believe it, babe,” Regina says, leading them around the back of the house and to the sidewalk out front.

Janis is out of wise comments once Regina says the word babe, and she almost stumbles because it makes her weak in the knees. 

Luckily, the dorm isn’t too far, and Regina drops her off at her dorm first even though it’s further down the hall than Regina’s suite.

“Can you kiss me again?” Janis asks once they’re in her room, watching as Regina finds her clothes to change into. Janis would’ve been fine sleeping in what she’s wearing now, but Regina’s being nice for some reason. Janis doesn’t get it.

Regina looks back at her, “I thought we talked about this.”

“I’m not asking for sex,” Janis retorts, waving her off, “I’m asking to be kissed. Just a little mwah. Kissing’s fun. Kissing you is fun.”

“Janis, I’m not gay,” Regina responds, handing Janis a clean t-shirt from her drawer and a pair of PJ pants, “that night was just a slip-up.”

Janis groans, “It’s just us here. I don’t give a shit if you’re gay. Clearly, you found me attractive, and I just want a kiss.”

Janis can practically hear Regina’s thoughts from how hard she’s thinking, but she doesn’t understand the hesitance. Straight girls kiss gay girls all the time. Who cares? Janis just wants one thing, and her wanting it is all Regina’s fault anyway because she came to the party looking like that and called her babe and really, Janis is just a lesbian.

“Jay, you’re drunk,” Regina says quietly, eyeing her nervously. This Regina is nothing like the one outside of this room. Janis bitterly wishes that she’d just woman up.

“I wanted to hook up tonight but you said no!” Janis retorts, standing up off of the bed and taking her shirt off. She has her thumb on the hook of her bra when Regina stops her. “What?”

“I’m still here!” Regina’s eyes are wide, “Let me leave before you undress.”

“You saw it all already!” Janis retorts, “Come on, you prude, who cares? Boobs are boobs are boobs. You should know, you have nice boobs.”

Regina’s bright red now and Janis unhooks her bra, shrugging it off and grabbing the t-shirt that Regina picked out for her on the bed. Janis feels Regina’s stare on her and makes eye contact with her, wondering if maybe she could get what she wants. Maybe Regina George can be gay again, even if it’s for only one night.

Regina’s quiet. Janis licks her lips. All she wants is one-

“I’m going to kiss you,” Regina says, voice breathy.

Janis nods, “Please.”

Regina kisses her with more force than Janis would’ve thought, and Janis’ hands are all over her face while Regina’s hands are all over her sides and back and then her chest.

Janis pulls back, searching Regina’s eyes for some kind of confirmation that she can keep going, only to notice that her eyes are practically blown black.

Janis grins, “Are you rethinking the sex thing?”

Regina rolls her eyes, “Shut up.”

(She rethought it.)

(Janis is grateful.)

Chapter Text

Janis wakes up early the next morning, with sunlight trying to peek past her makeshift curtains (a sheet that she and Grace may or may not have nailed into the wall) and the wall too close on one side and warmth pressed into her other side.

Regina’s curled into her side, face smushed against her shoulder and an arm thrown around her waist. Her fingertips rest on the space where Janis’ t-shirt has ridden up, and her breath tickles Janis’ collarbone. She doesn’t find herself minding any of it, though, and only reaches over Regina to grab her phone and check the time.

It’s a little after 7, and her phone is reading a percentage much the same. She’s lucky that it’s alive at all, honestly.

Janis wishes for this moment to stretch on forever. It’s just her and Regina right now, and Regina can’t fight her on if this is a gay thing or not and they just are. Regina’s just with Janis and Janis is just with Regina.

Janis is aware of the danger of these thoughts, of this current comfort, but it’s hard to give a shit about the consequences when the moment that she’s in is so warm. 

She gently rests her head against Regina’s, and then turns her head so that her nose is pressed against Regina’s hair. Something in her brain is telling her to take in this moment and savor it, so she does. She thinks about how somehow, Regina smells like her perfume even though they were at a nasty frat house last night, and somehow, she’s cuddled up to Janis like Janis is a lifeline, and somehow, Janis is enjoying it.

Janis has dozed off again by the time Regina stirs, but she’s awake again before Regina and watches patiently as Regina wakes. She notes how Regina scrunches her nose and then flexes her fingers against Janis’ waist, and smiles despite herself when Regina curls in even closer (how that’s possible Janis will never know) before her eyes open and meet Janis’.

“Oh fuck,” her voice comes out in a hoarse whisper, “what time is it?”

“Uh,” Janis tries to check her phone again, only to realize that it’s dead this time, “I dunno. Last I checked, it was seven, but I’ve fallen back asleep since then.”

Regina huffs, “You’re useless to me.”

“You’re literally using me as a pillow,” Janis retorts.

“You’re not a very good one, you keep talking,” Regina responds, sitting up on the bed and running a hand through her sleep-tousled hair, somehow still managing to look like some kind of supermodel, “I have to get back to my dorm or my roommates are going to start asking questions.”

“Just tell them you had the best sex of your life,” Janis responds, trying not to be too obvious about the fact that she wishes Regina would stay a little longer. She then grimaces as she remembers who Regina’s roommate is, “Don’t tell Cady that.”

“Why? What’s up with you and Cady?” Regina looks back at her, narrowing her eyes like she’s trying to figure Janis out, “You in love with her or something?”

“What? No,” Janis shifts uncomfortably, “And don’t you dare take that shirt, by the way. I’ll shave your head if you do.”

Regina laughs, getting off of the bed and taking the shirt off without any hesitation. It’s like the roles from last night have been flipped because now, Regina’s standing there topless and Janis is the one nearly foaming at the mouth. Janis is a sucker for good boobs, sue her.

“You’re being gay right now,” Regina says, grabbing her bra off of the back of Janis’ desk chair and putting it on quickly.

“You literally had your fingers in me last night,” Janis retorts, sitting up on the bed and leaning against the wall, “That’s gay.”

“No,” Regina places the t-shirt on the bed and grabs her shirt, “That was vodka and like six other poor decisions. It was fun watching you and Gretchen kick ass on the field last night, though. Soccer’s way easier to follow than football.”

“Isn’t Shane on the football team? And, like, your best friend?” Janis asks, eyes widening when she sees a tattoo on Regina’s ribcage, right under where her bra strap sits on her left side, “What is that?”

Regina’s hand stops in the sleeve of her shirt and she raises her arm to look at the tattoo, as if she’s surprised that it’s on her body. Janis gets a better look at it - a simple black ink tattoo of a flower resting horizontally on her side with some of the petals hidden by Regina’s bra.

“It’s a tattoo,” Regina looks back at Janis like she’s explaining that the sky is blue and pulls her shirt on, covering the tattoo completely. Janis swallows, suddenly reminded of why she wanted to kiss her so badly last night. Not that Regina needs specific clothing to be attractive, but this particular shirt helps. 

“What, do you want me asking about the tattoo under your boobs?” Regina asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I know you’re deflecting, but I would actually love nothing more,” Janis responds, a smile pushing at the corners of her lips. She’s proud of her tattoo. Her cousin did it for her after her 18th birthday in exchange for her doing a painting of his wedding portrait, and they spent the six months leading up to her getting it designing the tattoo. And being that the only other tattoo that she has is a little smiley face on the inside of her wrist, the tattoo on her chest is easily the one that she’s most proud of.

“Well,” Regina hums, running a hand through her hair again, “another time. Gretchen might send out a search party.”

“Why aren’t you friends with them yet? They’re nice people,” Janis suggests. She doesn’t understand Regina’s need to pretend she’s all mysterious when she was fully checking out a girl’s ass last night while Janis was looking at her.

“They’re nosy,” Regina retorts like it’s obvious, grabbing her phone off of the nightstand, “Besides, I have enough friends.”

“You have Shane.”

Regina nods, “Yeah.”

Janis rolls her eyes, “Dude, you live with them. The least you could do is be cordial. Gretch told me that you won’t even check in with them.”

“Janis,” Regina’s voice turns sickeningly sweet, “if I wanted a girlfriend to tell me how to run my life, I’d have done that by now. What we’re doing is… not that. Don’t turn a good thing into something else.”

Janis bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself from speaking. She’s not surprised by Regina’s behavior (she wishes she was), but god it pisses her off. Anytime she thinks she gets one foot forward in their relationship, it’s five steps back and one of those is off a cliff. If the sex weren’t so good, she’d call it quits right now.

Whatever. “Yeah. Okay. Let me know when you’re drunk and ready to fuck again, then. Unless you’re still insisting that you don’t have sex with girls?”

Regina furrows her eyebrows and her jaw moves like she’s going to say something, but nothing comes out and she turns on her heel, leaving the room without another word.

Janis flops back down on the bed, pissed that she woke up early for this. She wishes that Regina would’ve just snuck out in the middle of the night again.

Janis finally crawls out of bed and into the communal showers a little before noon. She gets ready for the day and accepts an invite from Damian to get lunch in the dining hall, and finds herself thankful that it’s Saturday and only syllabus week as she locks up her dorm room and then heads to Damian’s.

She twirls her lanyard on her pointer finger as she walks, twisting it around her entire hand by the time she gets to Damian’s door. She knocks once, rocking on the hells of her Converse as she waits for him to come out.

“Why, hello,” Damian grins, coming out into the hall and locking the door to his room, “Where did you go last night?”

“Here,” Janis replies simply, hoping he doesn’t press anymore even though she knows he will.

Janis met Damian at a tour of the school last year. They were both with their moms and at the back of the tour group, snickering at the stupidity of the tour guide leading and being absolute assholes. Their moms tried to keep them in check, but by the time they were back in the meeting area for questions, Damian and Janis departed in order to not be completely blacklisted from the university.

Damian asked for her number as they were standing outside of the admissions building, and the rest is history. They’ve been talking for almost a year now and sworn best friends since they got their acceptances.

“Girl, you know that’s not what I’m asking,” Damian retorts.

“It’s what I’m answering,” Janis fires back, stopping when the door to Regina’s suite opens.

Cady steps out, smiling when she sees Janis and Damian, “Hey!”

Janis met Cady a couple of years ago when she was in the midst of her Stardew Valley phase and accidentally stumbled upon a Discord for players that she’d ask way too many questions in. Cady ended up answering most of them, having a plethora of knowledge about the game, and they’ve been friends ever since.

“Hey,” Janis grins back, thankful that they can drop the prying at her sex life, “I didn’t see you at the party last night, what happened? You were at the game, right?”

“Yeah, I was,” Cady closes the door behind herself and they all start walking in the direction of the stairs. “I wasn’t feeling the whole party thing, though. Gretchen and Karen said they had fun, so that’s something.”

“Regina’s still icing you out?” Damian asks, voice filled with way too much sympathy. Janis knows that she hasn’t told him that Regina is who she’s been hooking up with, but she’d hope that he’d get her telepathic messages by now about the fact that Regina sucks.

Maybe she shouldn’t have said that she’s over the whole outing thing. That might be her downfall.

“Yeah,” Cady sounds disappointed and Janis wants to smack some sense into Regina. Why is Regina so afraid of having any kind of human interaction with anyone? She and Cady literally sleep in the same room and Cady’s… well, she’s Cady, she’s harmless. “It’s only been a week, though! Maybe it’ll get better.”

“Your hopefulness is endearing,” Janis comments, darting down the stairs.

Damian and Cady are still talking about Regina when they get to the bottom, and Janis finds herself growing more impatient as time goes on. How did her life end up revolving around Regina George again? She knows that some of it is by her own doing, but Cady being her roommate? And Gretchen being her suite mate? It’s like divine intervention except for the fact that none of it is divine and all of it feels like some kind of cruel joke.

“Janis still won’t tell me who she’s hooking up with,” Damian says as they sit down in the dining hall, armed with their lunches, “She’s a bad best friend.”

“What about not outing people don’t you understand?” Janis asks, wishing she brought a soda from her room down here instead of the stupid boxed water that they insist on serving. It tastes worse than regular water. 

“It’s not outing people when you’re whispering a little secret to your best friend,” Damian retorts.

“Yes it is,” Janis picks at her lunch, missing her mom’s loco moco. She’d do anything for some of that right now, or literally anything in the fridge at home. Too bad she doesn’t have a kitchen here (not that she fares well in kitchens, but she could make an attempt).

“Anyway,” Cady interrupts, “Gretchen told me last week after that party that Regina didn’t get home until 3am, and then last night? She didn’t come home at all, and she didn’t answer any of us when she asked us where she was.”

“How is that things getting better?” Damian asks, fussing with his own boxed water. “That sounds worse.”

“Well, she’s not dead.”

“Shame, a murder investigation would make this place interesting,” Janis laments. She doesn’t really want Regina dead, no, but that might be some kind of karmic kickback for the bullshit that Regina’s put her through. She glances up and sees a worried look on Cady’s face and huffs, “It’s good that she’s not dead.”

“The way you talk about her, you’d be a prime suspect if she turned up dead somewhere,” Damian hums, and Janis can’t help but laugh.

“I doubt it. Death could probably smack her in the face and she’d roast them so much that they let her live just so that she’d shut up,” she takes a sip of her nasty water, “I bet she’d get hit by a bus and live.”

“Who gets hit by a bus and lives?” Cady asks.

Damian pokes his fork in her direction, “Gina Linetti. Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Season 4, Episode 12. She was checking a text.”

Janis snorts, “You’re a nerd.”

“Queens recognize queens,” Damian retorts, “and sorry, remind me how you and Cady met again?”

Janis scowls and Cady shrugs, “Yeah, Janis, we have no grounds to judge.”

“Too late, I’m judging,” Janis says, mood only worsening when she sees Regina enter the dining hall with Damian’s roommate at her side. Janis remembers Shane from when they were in school together. He’s always been the harmless but loud type, and from what Janis understands about the straight woman gaze, conventionally attractive. Being on the football team probably helps, and being willing to follow a woman around is probably why Regina’s kept him around for so long.

“God, Janis, if looks could kill,” Damian shakes his head, “Remind me to never get on your bad side.”

Janis grunts, all appetite lost. She should’ve stayed in Hawaiʻi.

Chapter Text

Four days pass without any word from Regina.

It’s obnoxious. They sit next to each other in their English lecture, Cady is Janis’ best friend and Regina’s roommate, and Gretchen has an obsessive need to talk about everything going on in her life, and because Janis’ luck is dog shit, that means that she has to hear about Regina from her, too.

She’s currently on her way back from her illustration class and out of things to do for the day other than wallow in her frustrations and probably spend the night in the laundry room before practice tomorrow. It’s getting cooler out, but the sun is still warm on her skin and the trees are just barely starting to change color. That is something that Janis missed about this stupid state.

When she gets up to the dorm room, she finds Grace in there with her girlfriend. Grace’s girlfriend is a girl named Taylor that she met in high school. They graduated together and have stayed together for two years now, and Janis admires them almost as much as she is jealous of them.

Taylor managed to get a single for the year on a different floor, which is why Grace is never home, but this is one of the occasions where she does run into her.

“Hey, Jay,” Grace grins, “you done for the day?”

“Yeah,” Janis shrugs her backpack off, “What’re you guys doing here?”

“Grace had to grab her charger,” Taylor says from her spot on Grace’s bed, “We’re going to the women’s center tonight. They’re having a… it’s like an orientation thing, I think? My sister volunteers there and she said we should go.”

“What’re you doing?” Janis crinkles her nose, “Just like, talking to them? About… women things?”

“We might volunteer,” Grace says with a shrug, “do you want to come with us? If you’re done for the day, at least. It might be fun, and there’s no way Regina’s going to show.”

Grace, thanks to her growing up in the same school system that Janis and Regina were in, knows about what happened in middle school. She’s never liked Regina, and while she doesn’t know about the fact that Regina’s slept in this room for two nights, she does know to be anti-Regina. It’s refreshing compared to her other friends trying to be somewhat-team-Regina.

“Yeah, why not,” Janis says, grabbing her keys and water bottle, “Regina probably would benefit from a how not to out people class, though.”

“You think that’s something that they offer?” Grace looks almost amused and Janis shrugs. Maybe that’s something she could suggest to the event organizers. 

How to Fix Regina George 101. She stops herself there - something about that sounds like a conversion camp.

“Let’s go, then,” Taylor says, grabbing Grace’s hand as she leads the three of them out of the room. Janis locks the dorm up behind them, and when she turns around to follow the couple down the hallway, there’s an uneasy feeling in her stomach about the fact that Regina would never do this.

She shakes the thoughts off. She’s not going to spend her night thinking about Regina and her inability to be honest with herself even once in the last five years. She’s going to go to a women’s center meeting like a third wheel and hopefully not embarrass the shit out of herself in front of any other queer women. 

The women’s center isn’t too far from their dorm, and when they get there, there’s a small but solid group of people inside.

“Taylor!” one of the girls walks up to them and quickly pulls Taylor into a hug, “Thank you for coming.”

“It wasn’t for you,” Taylor responds, and Janis figures that this must be her sister. She’s wearing a name tag that says Rebecca on it and she/her underneath that in smaller writing, and she smiles at Janis and Grace like this isn’t their first time meeting.

“Welcome, guys,” she gestures to the room ahead of them and then to the small table off to the side. It’s littered with pamphlets and a stack of name tag stickers as well as pens in a million different colors and a million different brands. “Grab a name tag, there are some refreshments towards the back, and mingling is encouraged.”

Janis hums an acknowledgement but takes a second to take in the room.

There’s a corner that’s got couches and arm chairs surrounding a coffee table, a little refreshment setup in the back like Rebecca pointed out, and a table on the far side of the room with chairs surrounding it. Janis surmises that that’s used for conferences of some sort. There’s a shelf on one of the walls that’s stuffed with books and, if Janis’ eye is right, tilting slightly. The space is cozy and there are maybe fifteen people around the space.

Janis is in the middle of looking over some of the photos on the wall by the couches of previous staff groups when someone interrupts her.

The first thing she notices about the person is her name tag, simply saying Maddie with she/they pronouns below that. She’s grinning, holding a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in one of her hands, and there’s a Northwestern lanyard hanging from a pocket of her jeans.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Janis smiles back.

“I’m Maddie,” they gesture to their name tag with their chip bag, “I’m the senior in charge of this place, nice to meet you. Just visiting or are you thinking of volunteering?”

“Unsure,” Janis replies, “I’m Janis, by the way. My roommate and her girlfriend just offered for me to tag along, so I’m just looking around.”

“Well, fortunately, unfortunately, however you choose to look at it, we’re always looking for more volunteers,” Maddie says with a little shrug before offering Janis a chip. Janis takes it, feeling a little too out of her depth to say no, and Maddie continues, “Are you a freshman?”

Janis nods, “Yeah. And I’m on the soccer team.”

“Oh, wow! A jock?” Maddie looks her up and down, “You’re giving more art student.”

“I’m multi-faceted,” Janis says with a little smile, feeling a little more ease, “I’m planning on majoring in Fine Arts. Soccer’s just something so that I don’t rot, I guess. Plus, like, community and teamwork and all that other bullshit.”

Maddie hums, “Sounds like you have a packed schedule.”

Janis just shrugs, deciding not to mention how half of her homework’s not even started.

“Well,” Maddie sends her a grin, “if you’re free, come and volunteer, or just hang out… we have event nights at least once a week. You might like them.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Janis nods, “thank you.”

“Of course,” Maddie’s attention is split by something else and she makes eye contact with Janis again, “I’ll see you around?”

Janis hums an affirmative and watches as Maddie walks off before heading over to Grace, who’s picking out her own bag of chips.

“What do you think of it?”

“It’s cute,” Janis answers honestly, grabbing a fun-sized Snickers bar out of a bowl on the table, “What about you?”

“Taylor likes it,” Grace just shrugs, “Not the worst thing we could be doing with our time.”

Janis can’t exactly argue with that logic, and she finds herself mingling with a handful of other people as the night goes on. There’s Skylar, a nonbinary sophomore who’s majoring in Electrical Engineering, Peyton, who’s a junior majoring in political science and has a pet rat that she’s hiding in her dorm, Claire, one of Janis’ RAs that hangs out here but doesn’t volunteer, and a sophomore named Elena, who’s undecided but swears it’s not that big of a deal. Janis feels nervous just talking to her.

It’s refreshing to be around so many out people after a week of Regina’s bullshit, and she finds herself referencing past girlfriends without thinking twice about it. It’s phenomenal how no one flinches when she uses she to describe a partner, and the normalcy of other girls around her talking about girls is something she desperately needed since moving here.

Janis has a queer group of friends in Hawaiʻi, but she hasn’t talked with them recently. They’re in wildly different time zones, and while they were all friends, Janis can’t say she was ever super close with them. They were always proximity friends, not people she’d actively seek out if she didn’t have to.

Damian’s different than that, and so is Cady, and Janis is so thankful that they’ve somehow all ended up in the same place. If only Regina weren’t a part of that…

Maybe she needs sleep. Maybe sleep will fix her brain of all of this Regina obsessing and she’ll be chill and not have to deal with this.

She ducks out after telling Grace that she’s going back to the dorm, and starts the walk back home.

Janis is a couple of buildings down when her phone starts buzzing with a call.

Seeing that it’s her mom, Janis picks up, “Hello?”

“Hi, honey,” her mother’s voice is gentle through the phone, “I just got off of work, thought I’d see how things are going.”

“They’re alright,” Janis responds, putting her AirPods in so that she can keep her hands free, “My roommate invited me to a women’s center thing a couple of hours ago, I just left a couple of minutes ago. It’s nice, lots of girls like me there, minus the art thing… and the soccer thing.”

“Well, you’re more than just soccer and art, anyway,” her mother says, “Hera is miserable without you, by the way. She sleeps in your bed every night like you’ve gone off to war.”

“College, war, tomato, tomato,” Janis says with a shrug, flipping her water bottle around as she walks, “How’s Dad?”

“Bored, of course,” her mother scoffs (and somehow it’s affectionate-sounding? Janis supposes that that’s a result of 25 years of marriage), “He and Kai were thinking of buying an old car to fix up. I think you keep them sane.”

“Oh my god,” Janis can’t help but laugh at the idea, and lets her mother ramble on about the other things that her brother and father are up to in her absence. It’s barely been two weeks, how they can be losing it this soon is mind-boggling to Janis.

Her mother lets her go when Janis is outside of her dorm building, and makes her swear that she’ll call tomorrow. Janis swears. She even puts it in her reminders.

She’s made it up to her room and her key is in the door when a door down the hall opens. Janis pays no mind to it, pushing her own door open and holding it open with her foot as she tries to find the light switch.

She flicks the lights on and moves her foot, only for the door to not move.

Janis turns, and she’s a mix between pissed and scared shitless when she sees Regina holding the door open.

“Holy fuck,” Janis drops her keys on her desk, “What do you want?”

“Your roommate’s not here?” Regina asks first and Janis nods.

“What, you want to talk about forbidden stuff? I don’t have any liquor in here,” Janis says, putting her water bottle on her nightstand and her phone to charge, “Might not be your scene.”

“That’s not why… I just…” Regina huffs, stepping fully into the dorm room and letting the door close behind herself. It’s quiet for a second and Janis stares at Regina, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

“What?” Janis asks pointedly, “I have to be up early, I have an 8am.”

“It’s not even 10 o’clock,” Regina gives her a look, but presses her lips together in a thin line when Janis doesn’t react. It takes her another second, but then “You were right” slips out from her lips in just one word.

“Sorry, what?” Janis eyes her curiously, convinced her mind has deceived her. There is no possible way that Regina George just said that Janis was right about something.

Regina groans, “Don’t be obnoxious about it. You were right. About needing to be nicer to my roommates. Apparently, they were kind of scared of me?”

“I believe it,” Janis snorts, sitting on her bed, “Is there something else?”

Regina’s quiet again, and Janis finds herself hating it. She wishes that Regina would just speak - just say what’s on her mind - so that they can get it out of the way and it’s not a problem and move on with their lives. Regina doesn’t like her. Janis gets it. So why is she still here?

“I apologized for being a bitch and gave them some gifts to make up for it. They said they wouldn’t ask personal questions because I don’t answer them and then they told me that they were scared of me. And, I don’t know, you were the one pushing for me to be less of a bitch to them, so…”

She trails off and Janis hums. She almost wants to ask Regina to say you were right again and record it this time, just so she can feel this current rush of euphoria that she does right now.

It crosses Janis’ mind that Regina still hasn’t admitted anything, but she knows better than to push, even though every nosy piece of her brain wants some kind of explanation. Maybe she’ll get that one day.

“Whatever. I’m trying,” Regina says with a huff, “I want to be a lawyer. I’m just mediating.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask about that,” Janis says, adjusting in the spot that she’s sitting on. God, she hates these beds. They’re so insanely uncomfortable. “What happened to art?”

Regina’s eyes widen, like she didn’t expect that question in the slightest, and Janis counts the seconds in her head until Regina blows up on her again.

“Not my thing anymore,” Regina says simply, still as a statue. It’s unnerving. Janis hates it. It’s the same thing she’d do in middle school when they were initially falling apart and Janis would start asking questions about why she was acting the way she was. How Regina has so much money and none of it has been spent on therapy is bewildering.

“You drew your tattoo,” Janis says, “and it’s good. Why not do something with that? You have the benefit of being rich, you can afford to do the fun thing instead of the… what kind of lawyer do you even want to be?”

Regina stares at her like she’s contemplating whether Janis should live any longer or not, but Janis doesn’t back down. She’ll never understand when people with the means to do amazing things pigeonhole themselves. Regina’s always been a good artist and Janis knows from seeing that tattoo up close that she still is.

“I just wanted to tell you that you were right about me being a dick to my roommates,” Regina says finally, “and I’m calling a truce.”

Janis wants to laugh, “You’re calling a truce.”

“Yeah,” Regina nods defiantly, “I’m calling a truce. Goodnight, Janis.”

With that, she’s gone as quick as she came, and Janis is left alone in her dorm room again. She doubts that she’ll ever fully understand Regina.

Chapter Text

Before she knows it, Regina’s a month into her first semester of college and families’ weekend is a week and a half away. 

Things, as far as she’s concerned, are going well. She’s doing well in her classes, she’s up to date on her homework, and she’s not constantly on the cusp of fighting with Janis. They’re actually getting along somehow. They have their English class together, Regina watches Janis at her soccer games, and they somehow keep up their party tradition of hooking up.

Regina’s trying not to think too hard about that one, even though the reality of it is sinking in the closer that families’ weekend gets. She doesn’t know how to go about her parents potentially seeing Janis again, and a particular fear has been struck within her at the thought of Janis’ dad visiting, which Janis confirmed one morning as Regina was sneaking back to her room.

The sneaking around is another problem. Regina’s roommates are aware of her sneaking around - Gretchen said “It’s not subtle” when she doesn’t come home - and they’ve all been suspecting that it’s about a hookup, but Regina’s avoided confirming anything. What she and Janis do when they’re both a little (sometimes a lot) past tipsy in the shadows of a party (and sometimes Janis’ bed) is their business and their business alone.

Regina has it handled, though. She gives them just enough, confirming that she’s safe, and they don’t pry. Her parents not seeing Janis is just something that she’ll have to be incredibly diligent about and hope that Janis is in agreement.

She could bring it up right now - she and Janis are in the library together following a shortened lecture in their English class - but she doesn’t want to broach the topic in public.

Studying together is also something new, but Regina likes it. Janis is easier to be around than her roommates. Cady and Gretchen always have questions and a certain amount of energy that Regina has a hard time matching, and Karen is too nice for her own good. It sparks a certain insecurity in Regina’s stomach that she doesn’t want to acknowledge. And Shane, well, he’s a distraction, and not what she needs in this moment.

Janis, on the other hand, is easy. She and Regina can be silent around each other and still comfortable, and studying with Janis feels like old times to some extent. Sitting across from each other in the dining room of Janis’ house while her brother made them Kraft Mac and Cheese, passing crayons back and forth for their individual art homework and then swapping math answers back and forth, only for Janis to take 80% of Regina’s answers and Regina to take none of Janis’.

Janis always ended up on Regina’s side of the table eventually, with one foot hanging on the spindle of Regina’s chair and another tucked under herself, talking about things entirely unrelated to whatever work they had.

Regina misses it, even though she won’t let herself admit it out loud. She’ll take this instead - Janis sitting on one side of their school’s library couch, bopping her head to whatever’s playing in her earbuds with her laptop over one of her legs, while Regina watches a lecture on her iPad and takes notes with her Apple Pencil that desperately needs a new tip.

Well, taking notes is a stretch. She’s been doodling flowers in her notes app and only taking down a few key points. She’ll be fine - she remembers most of it anyway.

They’re eventually interrupted by Damian, who eyes them curiously and makes Regina want to disappear into the couch.

“Well, this looks cozy.”

Janis doesn’t bother looking at him, “I’m focusing.”

“You’re on Tumblr,” Damian retorts, giving her a look. He looks at Regina like they’re in on some joke at Janis’ expense, and Regina didn’t know that they were close enough to do that.

Damian’s a weird gray zone for her. She knows that he’s team Janis, and that’s to be expected with them being best friends, but she also has no idea about how much he knows of their past. And somehow, he’s been polite to her in their sparse interactions, and she’s returned that to an extent. She still doesn’t know what to think of him, but she does like that he’s in Janis’ corner.

Janis scowls, “I didn’t say I was focusing on school.”

“Anyway,” Damian puts his bag down and sits in one of the arm chairs, “you two are studying together?”

“She doesn’t distract me,” Janis says, taking out her earbuds and staring pointedly at Damian, “unlike some people.”

“I would never distract you,” Damian gasps, offended, “I’m a saint.”

“Oh, and I’m a billionaire,” Janis retorts, “What do you want?”

“Well, it’s convenient that I run into you both,” Damian nods at Regina as well, “apparently Cady and Karen are hosting a little movie night in your suite. Cady invited me and Shane and I’m inviting you.”

Regina furrows her eyebrows, “Why doesn’t anyone ever tell me anything?”

Janis snorts, “Your first words to them were fuck off, don’t learn anything about me.”

“Those were not my first words to them.”

“Cady says something different,” Janis says, and Regina kind of wants to lean over and smack her, but she doesn’t. She practices self-restraint like a kind-of adult.

“So long as you two are done quarreling, Janis, do you think you’re gonna go?”

“I don’t know,” Janis shrugs, “I’ll think on it. It’s tonight?”

Damian nods and Regina tries not to grimace. She was planning on hiding in her room all night, and she’s not looking forward to hearing whatever movie they decide on through the walls and not being able to sleep or decompress at all.

Damian hands around a little longer, asking them about their days and their schedules and other meager small talk, most of which Regina tunes out. She still doodles flowers in the margins of her note-taking app, this time a hibiscus with an orange-toned pen.

She and Janis don’t leave the library until almost 5, four hours after their class let out.

“What the fuck kind of movie night could Cady and Karen put together?” Janis asks, “I’m almost curious.”

“You don’t think you’re going to go?” Regina asks, picking at her nails as she walks. She needs to get something on them before her mother comes next weekend. The amount of comments that she endured this past weekend about how “unkempt” she looked is making her crazy. She swears her mother would have an aneurysm if she saw how Regina looked right now - wearing a t-shirt, hair not “done” (it’s only brushed through and still decent-looking, but no product and no styling), jeans, and a pair of sneakers. It’d be “unbecoming” or something.

“Probably not,” Janis shrugs, “Grace is out with her girlfriend and I’m binging The Good Place again.”

“Ah,” Regina hums, trying not to think about the fact that that’s a way nicer way to spend a night than in a forced movie hangout. She really tries not to put herself in that situation - laying next to Janis in her bed, having to touch because it’s too small for two people, Janis’ laptop on but neither of them are paying attention because their attention is on each other-

Regina takes a breath. She needs to calm down. She and Janis are teetering on the edge of being friends and hooking up with her is only something she does drunk. Having these feelings - as lovely as her subconscious seems to think they are - is dangerous. She’s not gay. She can’t be. She’s Regina George.

“Do you even know how shit you are at hiding how you feel about things?” Janis asks, kicking a pebble as she walks, “You wear it all over your face.”

“You’re so full of shit,” Regina retorts, shaking her head. If she were that easy to read, her parents would’ve eaten her alive years ago. It’s that or they don’t pay attention, and she hardly believes that they don’t pay attention.

“I’m so serious,” Janis responds, a little grin on her face that Regina wants to hate, “You pout. Like you’re five years old and someone just told you that you can only have two cookies instead of three. And you get all pushy and bitchy. It’s your thing.”

Regina wants to roll her eyes, but she doesn’t want to prove Janis right. She’s not that obvious.

“You even drag your feet like a little kid,” Janis sounds amused now, “What’s bothering you?”

“Janis, you don’t have to care,” Regina says, staring straight ahead at their building. It’s a couple of hundred feet away still, but at least it’s close.

“Unfortunately, I do, I’m nosy,” Janis responds, nudging Regina’s shoulder with her own, “C’mon. Tell me. You don’t like the movie night thing.”

Regina scowls. Why she has any kind of relationship with Janis is suddenly beyond her. This girl is annoying and it doesn’t help that she can read Regina like an open fucking book. 

Janis tries to trip her, but Regina catches her and stops dead in her tracks, giving her an unimpressed look.

“Tell me,” Janis gets on her tiptoes, “Come on. Please.”

Regina rolls her eyes, “Fine. I don’t want to go.”

Janis looks proud of herself, “Was that so hard?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

Janis hums, “Alright. Do you want to come to my room? I’m sure it’ll be quieter, and you can head back to your room once Damian texts us that the night is over.”

“Come over and do what?” Regina furrows her eyebrows, “Taxes?”

“You can watch my show with me,” Janis says like it’s simple. Regina thinks that it’s anything but. Her mind is still reeling with forbidden fantasies and she’s way too sober to figure them out.

However, a night with Janis sounds far better than anything at her suite, so she nods, “Okay.”

And so, a couple of hours later, Regina finds herself in a similar position as this afternoon. She’s alone, with Janis, but this time, Janis’ tiny TV is playing the pilot episode of a show that she doesn’t quite understand.

They’re eating dinner that Regina ordered as a thanks for having her here, and Regina’s sitting at Grace’s almost empty desk while Janis sits on her beanbag that she stashes underneath her bed.

“There’s this huge subset of the fandom that finds the monk-guy hot,” Janis tells Regina at one point, “I’ve never gotten it.”

Regina hums. She doesn’t get it either. She boils it down to the idea that he’s maybe not her type, but something in the back of her head knows that it’s more than that.

“I still don’t understand Janet,” Regina says, sipping on her water, “She’s not a robot, but she does robot things.”

“She’s just Janet,” Janis says with a shrug, glancing back at Regina with a look that makes Regina’s stomach flip. She files that feeling away. “She’s one of my favorites.”

Regina nods and keeps watching, only to get more confused by the following episodes.

She and Janis eventually end up on Janis’ bed after putting away their leftovers and discarding their garbage, and Janis curls up by the wall while Regina sits up by the head of the bed with Janis’ laptop in her lap, still playing the show.

It’s different than her fantasy, but it’s still almost too much. She thinks about how close Janis is - how she could just reach down and run her fingers through Janis’ hair. Things could be different than just drunken hookups.

She swallows. She needs to calm down.

Where is Damian’s call that the movie night is coming to an end?

“This show is so… much,” Regina says at one point, a bit flabbergasted. “This is what you watch to calm down?”

“I’ve seen it like four times all the way through,” Janis responds with a yawn, “it’s so fucking good, you don’t understand.”

“It’s a sitcom.”

“It’s so much more than that,” Janis reaches out and pushes at Regina’s leg, “Can you trust me for once?”

“Maybe,” Regina shifts, “Whatever. Can I lie down? My back hurts.”

“Who am I to stop you?” Janis asks, and Regina hums, closing the laptop and setting it between them. She tries not to touch Janis too much as she lays down, but then her head is on the other pillow on Janis’ bed and Janis’ face is six inches from her own.

There’s a comfortable silence in the air, similar to the one in the library but a little more intimate. They’re the only ones in the room. There’s no Damian to interrupt or library code to follow.

Regina can’t help but think about the show - how the main character is so outwardly sucky and learning to not suck. It makes her wonder if Janis set this all up or if it’s just all one big coincidence. Would she catch the hint if all of her problems exploded in front of her? She’d like to think she would, but she doesn’t think she’d be as ready to try and fix things as the main character was.

Maybe Janis is her problem that’s been dangling in front of her. She doesn’t want to think of Janis like that, but she kind of is. She’s a physical representation of so many things, and for some reason, she trusts Regina enough to have her alone in her room, and is maybe asleep next to her.

Regina glances over at her, taking in the sight of how soft she looks for a moment. Her hair is falling around her face, her eyes are closed and her eyelashes are long and casting a little shadow on her cheekbones, her septum piercing is just barely catching the light of the lamp on her nightstand. Her lips… Regina knows she shouldn’t be thinking about them, but she is.

“I can feel you staring,” Janis says after a couple of seconds, and Regina has to stop herself from jumping out of her skin.

“I’m not staring.”

“And I’m not a Fine Arts major,” Janis stretches lazily, eyes opening after a second. She blinks and her gaze meets Regina’s, “What’s up?”

“I don’t know,” Regina’s eyes dart from the girl beside her to the ceiling. Her cheeks feel hot, knowing she was caught to some extent. It’s almost overwhelming how much she wants to kiss Janis right now.

“You sure?” Janis asks.

Regina doesn’t really know how to answer that. 

She looks back at Janis, stares at her for a long second. Contemplates everything that could change if she just asked for one kiss. She’s 100% sober right now. She likes Janis and there’s no vodka to blame that on.

But, no one’s around. No one would know.

“Can you,” Regina’s voice comes out a little strained as she tries to find the words, “uh… could you kiss me?”

Janis seems to wake up pretty quickly at the question, readjusting on the bed so that she’s propped up on her elbow, “What?”

“Janis…” Regina doesn’t want to ask again. The embarrassment already hurts too badly.

Janis searches her eyes for what feels like forever, voice softening as she asks again, “You sure?”

Regina still doesn’t know how to answer that, but she decides that she’ll start with the deep end this time, “Yeah.”

Janis nods, hand gentle as she takes Regina’s face in her palm. Her thumb brushes against Regina’s cheekbone and there’s something so unbelievably tender about this moment with someone that Regina has such a checkered past with. It’s more than she deserves.

But then she leans forward, brushing their noses together and asking again, “Are you sure?”

Regina nods, and Janis takes Regina’s lips in her own.

It’s perfect, and then their phones buzz.

Time’s up.

Chapter Text

Janis pulls away.

Her hand is still on Regina’s face, and Regina has a hard time meeting her gaze. She feels so exposed. But somehow, Janis is looking at her like the world isn’t exploding, like everything will be okay, like this kiss isn’t a screaming declaration of anything and instead a moment to be shared between the two of them.

A part of Regina wants a second kiss - some kind of confirmation of the emotions exploding in her chest. The desire for more that she’s never had with any boy. Something for her instead of an obligation that she’s been expected to fulfill. Nothing feels obligated here.

She doesn’t realize that she’s anywhere near crying until Janis’ thumb gently moves under her eye and wipes away a tear and her voice breaks the silence with a gentle whisper, “Hey, it’s okay.”

No, it’s not, Regina wants to respond.

She looks away from Janis, biting her lip to stop the dam from breaking. Something must be so deeply wrong with her. She shouldn’t be feeling this way for Janis. It’s not right. How is she going to fit in the mold so clearly made for her if she feels more for a woman than she ever will a man?

Janis does something next to her, and Regina wants to know, but she can’t bear to move. She worries that Janis might take this moment to kick her out. Who wants the girl losing her mind over one kiss, anyway?

“I told Damian that you fell asleep,” Janis says after a minute, voice still achingly soft, “so you have time.”

Regina doesn’t know what to say. Is there something to say in this moment?

She likes Janis. She likes kissing Janis. This isn’t something that only exists in the confines of a frat bathroom when they’re both too intoxicated to really think things through. This is something tangible and real and wholly terrifying.

She can’t help but think that this wouldn’t have happened if she went to NYU. If she went to NYU, she wouldn’t have run into Janis. She wouldn’t have this current crisis, she wouldn’t have to worry about the fact that she’s in the same city as her family and that they could find out that her mask is slipping every day or that it’s completely off right now.

She’s in a bed, with Janis, and she feels like a raw and exposed nerve.

“G,” Janis says softly, “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Regina admits softly, fussing with the drawstring on her hoodie. It’s one of Shane’s. She’s had it since their junior year of high school and it has North Shore Football emblazoned on the front of it. She remembers using it to prove Shane’s masculinity to her parents - to prove that he’d be a good boyfriend.

It worked until he came out. She twists the end around her pinky finger.

“That’s okay.”

“How?” Regina scoffs, barely thinking before it comes out of her mouth.

“What do you mean?” Janis asks.

“I mean,” Regina tugs at the drawstring, tightening it around her finger, “People normally have this shit figured out. They’re gay or they’re not. And… then here I am. I don’t fucking know anything.”

Her voice breaks and she can feel her lip wobbling. She doesn’t want to cry right now. She’s already pissed that a tear fell and Janis saw it. She’s better than this. Regina George is not a girl to cry in front of people, let alone people that she has complicated emotions for.

“Dude, no one has it figured out,” Janis tells her, “like, even me? I knew my entire life that I didn’t like boys, that they didn’t interest me, that none of that was for me. But it took me a while to put words to what I was feeling, and it took me a while after that to accept that I was a lesbian and start using that term for myself.”

Regina tries to empathize, but the idea of someone calling her a lesbian makes her nauseous.

“However you figure it out, whenever you figure it out, it’s all completely valid. Everyone has a different journey,” Janis explains, and Regina hates how this sounds like some kind of generalized PSA. “You just have to be willing to start learning and stop kicking everyone in your path.”

Regina swallows the lump in her throat.

“If I’m…” she pulls at the hoodie string again, “I don’t know what will happen to my life.”

“What will happen if you don’t?” Janis asks, “You just stay like this forever? Hiding who you are and being miserable? Is that really a way to be?”

“It’s all my family is,” Regina retorts, a defensive feeling crawling at her ribs. All she’s ever known is her miserable mother making everyone around her feel worse and her father’s grumpiness that he’s always blamed on work and her aunts and uncles being their own brand of miserable and the stories of her grandfather and how he never left his arm chair. Her family isn’t exactly known for its glowing positivity, and she’s always known that she’ll probably fall in line with that.

“That doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps,” Janis says, reaching up and gently grabbing Regina’s face, turning her head towards her. Regina’s eyes meet Janis’ and all she can see is the age-old-‘Imi’ike stubbornness in her eyes, “This is your new beginning, Regina.”

“It’s so scary,” Regina admits softly, and Janis nods, thumb rubbing at Regina’s cheek again. There isn’t a tear this time, it’s just a comforting gesture, and Regina hates the fact that it works so well and that she knows that a man doing this would never make her comfortable.

“I know,” Janis whispers.

She then opens her arms and pulls Regina against her, and Regina falls into the embrace easier than she’d like. Janis rests her cheek on her head and one arm winds around Regina’s waist while the other fusses gently with her hair. Her leg moves like she’s undecided about where to put it, but she eventually settles for hooking her ankle around Regina’s calf.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Janis says decidedly, “You’ll figure it all out. You’re Regina George.”

“You have too much faith in me,” Regina says quietly, wrapping an arm around Janis’ stomach anyway.

“Until you get some in yourself, someone’s gotta have it,” Janis remarks.

Regina just smiles and leans into Janis’ embrace a little more. Nothing’s solved, but she feels a little better.

-

The next morning, Regina’s at breakfast with her suite mates. It’s something that she only does maybe once a week to placate them, but she finds herself regretting it this morning. 

There’s an underlying tension at the table, even though they’re all talking normally, and Regina wonders what the hell happened at the dorm last night for them all to be acting like that. Did Damian tell them Janis’ lie about her falling asleep in her room? Do they know that something’s going on with them? The idea makes Regina’s palms sweat.

“He’s so cute.”

Regina pokes at her breakfast. She definitely missed some part of this conversation.

“He’s our RA,” Gretchen says, “You can’t do that.”

“I’m not going to do anything,” Cady retorts, “I’m just saying, he’s cute.”

Oh, jesus christ, they’re talking about Aaron.

“Regina, didn’t you know him in high school?” Gretchen asks, waiting for Regina to nod before following it up with, “Is he a good guy?”

“He’s good,” Regina responds simply, not mentioning the fact that she finds him kind of boring. All he really cares about is soccer and his mom. She’d find it endearing if he had any other redeeming quality, but unfortunately, he’s not a woman.

Regina’s stomach lurches at that thought. Does she really not like men? She doesn’t know what to do with that information.

“Damian!” Cady calls out, almost launching out of her seat when she sees him. Janis is at his side, and Regina avoids her gaze. 

Janis looks too good this morning. This is a rare occasion outside of soccer where she has her hair pulled up. It’s unfair how good she can look in a hoodie and PJ pants. She must know how good she looks because Regina’s seen her in variations of this outfit more than once, and just like every other time she’s worn this outfit, she’s holding a Redbull. Regina wonders how her heart hasn’t stopped yet.

“What’s up?” Damian asks, sitting down in the empty spot next to Cady and across from Karen. Janis sits in the only other empty chair at the table, which just happens to be across from Regina. Regina’s never found herself wishing so hard for a self-destruct button.

“What do you think of our RA?”

“Claire’s a bit uptight and Aaron seems to just be a guy,” he responds, “why?”

“Wait, why am I not involved in this conversation?” Janis asks, raising an eyebrow, “I have opinions about people, too.”

“She’s asking about Aaron,” Gretchen clues Damian in before looking over at Janis, “Do you have breakfast?”

“Yes,” Janis takes a sip of her Redbull and then smiles teasingly, “Yum.”

Gretchen looks almost as concerned as Regina suddenly feels, “Janis…”

“I’ll grab food later,” Janis waves her off, “Aaron’s boring.”

“I don’t think he’s boring!” Cady retorts defensively, “How would you know if he’s boring?”

“I mean, aside from the straight man thing?” Janis adjusts in her seat so that she’s facing Cady more, “Vibes.”

“Janis, you’re a lesbian,” Damian says pointedly and Janis furrows her eyebrows, but he continues, “so, shush for two seconds. Cady, I think he’s nice. Go for it.”

“No, there’s no going for it,” Gretchen shuts down quickly.

“Why not?” Karen speaks up, “It’s a year’s difference. He’s a sophomore. Cady should go for it.”

“He’s our RA!”

“You’re literally dating a junior,” Damian points out, “and you don’t want to know what I’ve heard about your boy toy.”

Gretchen’s face goes red at that.

Regina’s heard some stuff about the boy that Gretchen has been seeing, too. His name is Jason Weems, he was in high school with Regina and Shane, his parents are rich, he’s on the lacrosse team, and he sucks. He’s an ass, he’s always sleeping around, and for some fuckass reason, he’s got Gretchen wrapped around his finger.

“I’m not going to go for it,” Cady interjects, shaking her head, “He wouldn’t like me. I’m still trying to figure out how to not come across as a homeschooled freak.”

“Who called you a freak?” Janis asks, moving in her seat like she’s ready to fight someone. Regina, admittedly, would love to see that. She knows Janis would win.

“No one, I’m just saying,” Cady shrugs, “Maybe next semester. Long game and all that.”

“I think you should go for it,” Damian chimes in, “You two make sense.”

“Are you calling her boring?” Janis asks.

“You are like a rabid dog right now, calm down,” Damian retorts, “and stop drinking that Redbull.”

Regina snorts. Janis’ attitude has nothing to do with the Redbull. Janis is a born defender.

Janis takes a sip out of defiance, “This is just my studying juice. I’d love to fight someone though. I got energy.”

Damian looks exhausted just hearing that, “Oh dear god.”

“Anyway,” Janis hums, “Karen, what do you have going on? Any good hookups?”

“I’ve been flirting with someone,” Karen says, looking a little surprised at the fact that the attention of the table is now on her, “We’re both going to be at the party after your game tomorrow.”

Janis brightens at the question, “Oh, yeah! Are you all coming? We could invite Aaron, Cads.”

Cady shrinks in on herself, “No. Not yet. I haven’t even had a conversation with him.”

“Alright, fine. Everyone else, though?”

Everyone agrees, and Janis looks triumphant as she finishes off her drink. The conversation moves on, focusing on what everyone’s doing for the day, and Regina finds herself hanging on Janis’ words more than anyone else at the table.

She’s so unbelievably fucked, and she refuses to think about how literal she wishes for that to be.

“We should get going,” Janis says eventually after gently kicking Regina under the table, “class starts in twenty minutes.”

“Janis Bernard ‘Imi’ike being early to something? I never thought I’d see the day,” Damian says dramatically, and Janis rolls her eyes.

“If anyone wants to apply to be my new best friend, I’m taking applications,” Janis says as she stands, “Damian’s out.”

“How dare you-”

“Oh, boohoo,” Janis waves him off, “Come on, Reg.”

Regina nods, collecting her garbage and following Janis towards the exit of the cafeteria. She throws her stuff out, as well as Janis’ empty Redbull can, and they’re halfway down the stairs before Janis speaks, “So… the party tomorrow…”

Regina falls into step next to her, “What about it?”

“I have this wild theory that us hooking up while we’re not super intoxicated is going to be way better, mainly because I won’t be thinking about hangovers the entire time-”

“Wait,” Regina stops her, “when we’re… when I’m… you’re thinking about hangovers?”

“You’re not?” Janis asks, furrowing her eyebrows, “It’s like this voice in the back of my head the entire fucking time. Like, damn, feel great right now, but at what cost in the morning?”

“So…” Regina can’t help but feel a little offended at that, “My boobs in your face and you’re thinking about hangovers?”

“In the back of my brain, yes, 100%,” Janis nods, smiling like she’s proud of herself, “I like this honesty. Another piece of honesty for you, I like when you drink the vodka lemonades because you taste better.”

Regina rolls her eyes, “I hate you.”

“Doubt it. Come on, give me some of your honesty. I know you have it.”

“I’ll have to think on it,” Regina says, starting them again on getting to class, “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Okay, well,” Janis grabs her wrist and gets on her tiptoes, beckoning Regina to come closer so that she can whisper in her ear. Regina complies, even though her nerves are on fire at the idea of anyone seeing them and thinking that they’re together. It helps that Janis isn’t holding her hand, but she doubts that that helps entirely.

But then, Janis whispers something exceptionally dirty in her ear about having a favorite of Regina’s bras, and Regina’s face goes bright red.

“You’re insane,” Regina tells her quietly, even though she makes note to wear it tomorrow. She’ll play Janis’ game, especially if Janis keeps smirking like that.

Something about Janis makes this all less scary, but her heart is still pounding in her ears as they go to class. She can’t tell if it’s from nerves or some not-so-secret other reason, but she knows that none of it will be helped by sitting next to Janis for their class.

Regina does have a newfound excitement about tomorrow, though.

Chapter Text

“What’s up with you and Janis?”

Regina almost stabs herself with her earring. She and Cady had been getting ready in an amicable silence, only broken by Karen’s speaker blasting an eclectic playlist in the common room. They’re due to leave in ten minutes. 

What does she mean, what’s up with her and Janis? Does that mean that she thinks that Regina and Janis are a couple? They’re not. They’re not. Regina ignores the way that stings in her chest. They’re not a couple. They aren’t and they won’t be.

Cady doesn’t seem to notices any of Regina’s panicking, and when Regina looks up in the mirror, she only sees Cady fussing with her hair.

“What are you talking about?” Regina asks carefully, praying her tone doesn’t give anything away.

Cady runs her brush through her hair again, not really looking at Regina as she speaks, “Are you guys friends? None of us can tell, we all thought you two hated each other, but you spend a lot of time together and Damian said he found you two in the library studying the other day.”

Regina doesn’t know what to do with that information. They’re talking about Regina and Janis? They’re speculating about them? That’s not good. They could find out that she and Janis are hooking up and that Regina’s not straight and then more people would know and it could get back to her parents and they’d stop her from seeing Kylie and-

She hears her heart pounding in her ears and quickly blurts out, “We’re friends.”

Gretchen would know she’s lying and press further. Karen would know she’s lying but she wouldn’t say anything. Cady, though, seems to just take it at face value and hums.

“Well, that’s good,” Cady rifles through her shoes, “I thought you guys didn’t like each other. I thought it was because Janis had a tough history with another Regina - she told me about it a couple of years ago, the girl outed her! Like, to their entire school. That’s so messed up.”

Regina stiffens. She knows that Damian didn’t like her because he connected the dots, but Cady hasn’t? She doesn’t want Cady knowing if that’s the case.

“That is really fucked up,” Regina agrees, turning so that Cady can’t see her face anymore and finishing putting her earrings in. She was going to to do something more complex with her makeup, but she can’t focus on that now.

Regina needs to talk to someone. She needs to talk to Janis, but Janis is getting ready for the game and she doesn’t want to distract her.

Regina needs to talk to Shane.

Regina moves to stand, collecting her phone and keys, “I’ll meet you at the game.”

Cady looks a little confused, but Regina doesn’t stick around long enough to continue the conversation and heads out of the dorm room, halfway down the hallway when she presses her phone to her ear.

Shane picks up quickly, “What’s up?”

“Where are you?” Regina asks. Her heart is still hammering in her chest. People can’t know. She doesn’t want this becoming a thing. 

“Literally coming back from class. I’m like thirty feet away from our building.”

Regina nods, practically flying down the stairs, “Okay, stay there.”

“Reg-” She can practically hear the pout in his voice.

“Shane, please.”

“Fine.”

She’s outside in less than a minute, and Shane looks half-confused and half-frustrated when he sees her. The closer she gets, though, the more concerned he looks.

“What’s the matter?” he asks quietly.

Regina opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She doesn’t know how to explain this. How does she tell Shane that he was right? That she doesn’t like men and that she likes Janis and that their relationship is the single most confusing and good thing to happen to her here so far?

“Reg,” Shane reaches out and rubs her arm, voice gentle, “c’mon, what’s up?”

“I…” Regina fusses with her keys. It’s like she’s forgotten how to speak.

Shane furrows his eyebrows, still giving her that look of concern that has her on the brink of crumbling. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything. She should just press this down in her head like she does every time her mother makes a comment about her figure. It’s worked for her so far.

“Dude, what is going on?”

“I think I’m gay,” spills from Regina’s lips and her hand flies up to cover her mouth.

That’s not what she was supposed to say.

Tears spring to her eyes and she wants to scream so badly. She was supposed to say something about the stupid outing or the fact that she’s sleeping with Janis and she doesn’t know what to do about that. She wasn’t supposed to - she’s not gay.

“Okay. Okay. Alright. You think… alright. Um…” he stares for a second, eyes wide, like he’s searching for the words. Regina can’t help but empathize, completely lost for words herself. “Okay. I’m going to pretend I haven’t noticed you and Janis ogling each other, okay? Not the time. Wow, G, this is… this is a big step.”

Regina wants to cry. She’s so fucking screwed.

“First,” he opens his arms, “Come here.”

“No,” Regina shakes her head, “No, no, I can’t… if I hug you, I’m going to start crying and I can’t… Shane, please.”

“Babe, you’re shaking,” Shane says, holding her by both of her arms this time, “come here. You need a second.”

Shane pulls her into his arms this time, and Regina feels like her legs almost give out as she leans against him, eventually hugging him back. She’s crying. She knows that she’s crying. She hates it. She should’ve flattened her feelings and filed them away to never be touched again. 

She cries for the things that are probably about to change, she cries for the future she’s expected to have but never will, she cries because nothing feels right even though she knows that this is her most honest moment.

“Reg,” Shane squeezes her gently, “are you gonna be okay? I know you guys said you were going to the game tonight…”

Oh fuck, the game tonight. Janis.

She pulls back a little bit, wiping her eyes and knowing her makeup is probably beyond salvaging at this point.

“I’ve been hooking up with Janis,” she says quietly, even though no one’s close enough to overhear them.

Shane’s jaw drops, “Wait, that’s where you’ve been disappearing off to at every party?”

Regina nods.

“Holy shit. Okay,” Shane gently uses his thumbs to clean up under Regina’s eyes, “Listen. I’m proud of you, alright? I love you. You’re my best friend and I’m so happy that you’re figuring this out and I’m really happy that you and Janis are doing gay shit together because you’ve been way nicer to me-”

Regina swats him and he laughs, holding his hands up like he’s about to get arrested or something, “Sorry! Damn. This is huge, though, Regina. And Janis is cool.”

“Yeah,” Regina swallows, wiping at her own tears this time, “I just… uh, Cady asked tonight if we’re friends.”

“Clearly…”

“She also said that Janis told her that Regina outed her. How she hasn’t connected the dots is beyond me,” Regina runs a hand through her hair, desperately needing some sense of composure right now, “You know she has like a 134 IQ?”

“That means nothing to me,” Shane says, “but that tracks. We can’t be perfect. But… Janis is talking about you outing her.”

“I mean, a while ago,” Regina’s breath comes shakily, “I don’t know what to do. I… I don’t even know what I am.”

“Well,” Shane rocks on his heels, “have you apologized to Janis yet? It won’t stop her from telling people, but bookending it with she’s since apologized would do wonders for your potential reputation. And on the… not knowing what you are thing, have you taken any am I gay quizzes?”

Regina stares at him for a second, not sure what to respond to first. She decides to ignore the last bit all together, “How do I even apologize to Janis? I still don’t really understand what I did.”

“Okay, so,” Shane pulls his phone out, “This might help.”

Regina’s confused, watching as he types something on his phone. She can feel her phone buzzing in her pocket, but she assumes it’s just her suite mates wondering where she is. She’ll catch up with them later. It’s not a big deal.

“Alright,” Shane clears his throat, “Please answer these questions with 100% honesty. Ready?”

“Ready for what?”

“Question 1: Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender close friend?” Shane asks and Regina kind of wants to smack him. Is he really doing this? 

He rattles off a couple of answers, and Regina picks “I think so” even though she knows that Janis does give her feelings. Way too many of them. All way too confusing. And for some reason, she wants them. She wants to keep feeling them.

“Two, have you kissed someone of the same gender?”

Regina feels her face get hot, “Um, yeah.”

“And you liked it?”

“…yeah.”

He blows through a couple more questions, each with complicated answers and making more and more butterflies take flight in her stomach.

“When you imagine being in a relationship, what do you picture?” Shane asks at one point.

Janis. It’s all Janis. Falling asleep next to Janis, waking up next to her, warm cuddling in the morning, lazy kisses, charged kisses, tracing the tattoo on Janis’ chest, holding her hands for some hope of warmth even though they’re always cold..

He rattles off the answers again and Regina mutters, “I can only see myself with someone of the same sex.”

It should feel wrong. Regina worries about the fact that it doesn’t. It’s horrifying that it’s starting to sound right.

Shane giggles at one of the later questions, “Are there a lot of LGBTQ+ individuals in your friend group? Yes. It’s like you’re a gay magnet.”

Regina rolls her eyes. She doesn’t really understand how so many of her friends are queer.

“Okay, results,” Shane makes a drumroll noise with his mouth that sounds more like a failing helicopter than a drum, “Congrats, babe, you’re a lesbian.”

Nerves shoot through Regina’s entire being, “What? No. What does that even know? I’m not… no.”

Shane stares at her, and Regina knows that he has something to say because his lip is twitching and his head is slightly tilted and she’s known him for too many years to not know what his tells look like.

“What?”

“Can I just… share a theory that I’ve been working on?” Shane asks, sliding his phone back in his jeans pocket.

Regina nods, knowing he’ll probably just tell her anyway.

“Okay. So, you, seventh grade. You’re best friends with Janis and she decides to come out to you. Your parents have been telling you that she’s a lesbian for years but you haven’t cared because you’re not human scum yet and because the word lesbian means nothing to a kid. But then, there’s Janis, using the word for herself and being proud of it. You realize that crushes on girls are real and you freak out because that’s why you’ve been feeling weird about Janis.”

Regina’s stomach turns.

“Your friendship suddenly feels different. You can’t put your finger on it, but then Kendra’s birthday rolls around and she suggests spin the bottle because you guys heard about it and wanted to try it. This boy that you’ve been trying to get the attention of is also there and suddenly, this feels like a show. Something you have to do to show everyone that you are the picture you’ve been painting. But the bottle doesn’t land on Kyle - it lands on Janis.”

Regina’s nails dig into her palm from how hard she’s clenching her fist. She can see the pieces falling into place and she hates it.

“You can’t let anyone think that you’re a lesbian, that you’re the thing your parents are so bitchy about, so when she kisses you and you enjoy it a little too much, you push that on to Janis. She’s the villain now, not you. You hold all of the power and you hold on to that even after Janis leaves and you bury your feelings with it,” Shane continues to explain, “but then Janis pops up again. And all of those feelings come back, and now…”

He looks proud of himself, “Cat’s out of the bag. And the Am I Gay quizzes never lie.”

Regina thinks that she should feel sicker than she does, but she sees where he’s coming from. Maybe he’s right. Maybe this thing that she’s been pushing away for years is exactly what it looks like and she’s that dreaded L-word.

“Shit,” Regina mutters, wishing she had something to do with her hands. She feels like she’s going insane. How can something feel right and wrong at the same time? How did Janis figure this all out at 12? Or Shane at 16? Regina’s 18 and she doesn’t even know where to begin.

“So, what now?” Regina asks, “What the fuck do I do now?”

“Kiss girls, it sounds like,” Shane says with an entirely too-nonchalant shrug.

Regina really considers smacking him for a second, but then the reality of where she’s supposed to be right now crashes into her like a bus.

“Oh my god. I’m supposed to be going to Janis’ game right now,” Regina grabs her phone out of her pocket and sees twenty missed texts from her suite mates. They’re mostly from Cady, but the rest are from Gretchen aside from two from Karen. She scans them, only to learn, “They left.”

“Dude, you have a car,” Shane says, “I’ll go with you. Is this a you getting the girl kinda moment or a you made an obligation to a girl you’re hooking up with kinda moment?”

Regina takes a breath, “Baby steps. This is a baby steps kinda moment.”

“Alright,” Shane nods, “Lead the way, then.”

Chapter Text

Janis is confused.

When the team got to the field, it didn’t take Janis long to notice that Regina wasn’t among their friends. There isn’t any text as to why from Regina, either, and as far as Janis was concerned, they were supposed to be going to the party together.

Well, maybe not together together, but they were supposed to pretend to like the party for like half an hour before going back to Janis’ dorm. But now, Regina’s not here. And Janis feels weird.

She reminds herself that they’re not together, that Regina’s able to make her own plans and go through with or cancel them as she wishes, that this thing that they have only exists between them and doesn’t have any external consequences. That doesn’t mean that her not showing up doesn’t suck, though. Janis wishes that she’d show.

She’s thought about it too much recently - the idea of Regina showing up even when the rest of them won’t, the thought of Regina showing up to something silly like a practice, waiting outside of Janis’ class because they’re in the same building as hers - but she’s pushing it away. Regina’s barely able to acknowledge that they have a thing going on a good day, much less taking things a step further with something as audacious as a label.

Janis is just happy Regina’s still around, even if she jumps six feet in the air whenever she hears the word lesbian.

There’s a point during the first half when she looks back at the bleachers and sees Regina sitting next to Karen. She tries not to think about how relief crashes over her entire body and refocuses on the game at hand.

By the end of the game, Janis is exhausted and sore, with sweat making her hair stick to her face and her shirt stick to her back, but they’ve won. She wants to be excited, but all she can think about is the shower that she needs to take.

“They’re going to meet us at the party,” Gretchen says when they’re in the locker room, rifling through her locker for her clothes, “I don’t know if I’m going to make it, if I’m being honest.”

“Oh, I’m only planning on sticking around for half an hour,” Janis says, packing her cleats away with her shin guards.

“Going off with your mystery partner again?” Gretchen eyes her curiously, “When are you going to introduce her to us? I swear, getting anything out of you and Regina is like pulling teeth.”

The hair on the back of Janis’ neck pricks up at Regina’s name, but she figures out quickly that that’s not what Gretchen is talking about. Regina’s tightlipped. So is Janis. Got it. Makes sense.

“I’m sure it’s still gonna be a while,” Janis says evenly, “It’s still early. I don’t wanna fuck things up.”

“I’m sure you won’t,” Gretchen squeezes her arm, “Did you know that Karen’s bringing the girl that she’s dating to the party?”

Janis can tell by the tension in her voice that Gretchen isn’t entirely pleased, but she doesn’t know how to approach that conversation. Could Gretchen even clock what this is as jealousy? Janis doubts it.

“Aren’t you going with Jason?” Janis asks.

“Well, yeah.”

Janis stares at her for a long moment, but decides to not say anything more. That’s not her circus nor her monkeys.

They get to the party a little less than an hour later, and it’s a bit livelier than other parties. Janis doesn’t really want to stay long, she really just wants to find Regina and get back to her dorm room, but she knows she’ll have to be around for at least a little bit.

She finds Damian first.

He’s out in front of the house, clearly waiting for her, even though he’s talking up some boy with vibes that Janis doesn’t quite understand. She assumes he’s not that interesting, though, because as soon as Damian sees her, he dismisses himself.

“Hello!” he cheers, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and leading her up to the house, “You played wonderfully today, Janis. I think. You didn’t kick the ball in the wrong direction so I’m counting that as a win!”

“I didn’t do shit,” Janis responds, leaning into him a little. It wasn’t a particularly bad game for her, but she did feel like she was on the outside of most of it. At least they won, though. That’s something. “Who was that?”

“He said he liked my shirt,” Damian says with a little pride, opening the door to the house and ushering them inside. 

The place is overstimulating. Music is blasting from some room towards the back of the house, there are people lingering anywhere they can, and a slapped-together banner hangs from the stair’s banisters saying NORTHWESTERN RULES in purple paint.

“I hate this,” Janis mutters, wishing that she decided instead to stay back. Once she finds Regina, she’s grabbing her and she’s leaving.

Unfortunately, she doesn’t know where Regina is. Janis texted her when she was on her way, but there hasn’t been a response yet. It makes something twist in her stomach, just as much as Regina showing up late to the game did. Is this Regina’s way of saying no? The avoidance wouldn’t surprise Janis, but she’d hoped at least that she’s deserved more respect than that at this point.

She bitterly reminds herself that this is still Regina George, and while a bit reformed and a bit more conscious of the fact that she likes girls, she’s still a recovering mean girl.

Damian leads her to the back of the house and to the patio, where there’s a smattering of people in the backyard and littering the porch, but a large cooler full of drinks at their disposal.

“No,” Janis shakes her head when Damian offers her one, “I’m not drinking tonight.”

Janis has a theory to prove, after all.

“For what reason?” Damian asks all too dramatically, “It’s a party. You’re supposed to get drunk or high or both and have fun!”

“I have my own fun planned,” Janis retorts.

“With what?” Damian looks skeptical, “Does this have something to do with the girl you’re hooking up with but won’t tell me about because you’re evil?”

“You’re drunk,” Janis tells him pointedly, to which he furrows his eyebrows, but she continues on, “and I’m only not telling you because she doesn’t want to be outed. Which I’ve told you before and I can tell you a hundred thousand times until you listen to me and stop pushing.”

Damian huffs, “That is so many words for Regina.”

Janis feels like someone just poured ice water down her back.

“What?”

“Oh. I wasn’t supposed to know that,” Damian mocks zipping his lips shut, “You two make it kind of obvious, though. Very gay. Very stare-y.”

“Who else knows about this?” Janis hisses, moving him to a more secluded part of the porch and hoping that no one’s paying attention. She doesn’t really want her sex life to be anyone’s knowledge other than her own. And Regina’s, she guesses.

“Just me!” Damian responds, seemingly sobering up a little bit until he launches into a very lengthy rant, “Cady has no idea. She’s too busy with her trigonometric calculus or whatever. And Gretchen doesn’t even know what gay is even though Karen’s super gay for her and she’s super gay for Karen. We’re in a very messy friend group. Shane also might know but he’s got that whole himbo thing going so maybe not. Oh! I also told my sister because you wouldn’t talk to me about it even though we’re best friends. Unless you’re best friends with Regina now, which is kind of-”

“Damian, shut up,” Janis retorts, which he does pretty quickly. She takes a second, completely bewildered. Damian knows. Does that make this whole thing real? She doesn’t know what to think of that.

“Regina!” Damian cheers when the back door opens, and Janis nearly jumps out of her skin at that before turning around and seeing Regina standing there.

She looks too good. She’s wearing a pair of black jeans that make her ass look amazing, a white Northwestern shirt that she cropped just above the waist of her pants, layered gold necklaces, and purple paint smudged on her cheekbones that’s definitely a result of Cady.

Janis’ excitement doesn’t last, though, because Regina’s holding a red solo cup in one hand and the smile on her face is not one of a sober woman.

“You’re drinking?”

“We are at a party, Janis,” Regina says like it’s obvious and Janis hates it. Sure, their agreement wasn’t ironclad, but coupled with Regina’s weird behavior today, she hates it. She rarely gets sober and sane Regina, and she was hinging a good portion of her night on Regina being sober.

“Yeah,” Janis nods, “can you, uh, help me, actually? With something? Inside?”

“Yes,” Regina nods, waving to Damian as Janis tugs her back in the house. She’s fucking wasted. Janis considers just taking them home, but she instead leads Regina upstairs and into one of the bedrooms, which is empty.

She closes the door behind them and Regina looks frustrated. 

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not fucking you in this room,” Regina looks around, the disdain on her face only growing the longer that she takes the room in, “who the hell does this belong to?”

“I don’t know!” Janis retorts, “Why are you drunk? We said we were gonna be sober tonight.”

“Because I have free will,” Regina says, tone sharp.

Janis hates this. She hates when Regina’s defensive. She hates that any of their progress seems to be slowed down by the fact that this girl has an innate need to be a bitch.

She takes a breath, trying to calm down. Regina normally doesn’t drink this much. Normally it’s just enough that she’s tipsy, but this seems like more than that. This feels like she’s fully drunk and Janis can’t help but be a little concerned at that. Why is she drinking so much? What happened? Does it have something to do with why she was late to the game?

“Are you okay?” Janis asks, trying to be gentler.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Regina sits down on the bed, careful not to touch the blanket with her hands and instead fussing with her fingers in her lap. Janis hates how she’s concerned about her.

“Why are you so drunk?” Janis asks next, “Did something happen?”

“I have free will,” Regina repeats with a little shrug, “So what? I had a couple more drinks than usual. Some kid in the parking lot of the game had shooters and I pocketed a couple. They were not good.”

“Okay,” Janis breathes, really wishing that she wasn’t the sober friend right now. Her hands rest themselves on her hips as she looks at the ceiling, trying to figure out her next move. The responsible thing to do would be getting Regina back to her dorm and in bed, but Janis doesn’t know how she’d be able to manage that. Regina’s almost as stubborn as she is and Janis isn’t sure that her being drunk is going to help the situation at all.

“Are you just going to stand there?” Regina’s voice breaks through her thoughts, “Is this because I said we’re not hooking up in here?”

“No,” Janis retorts, peeling her eyes away from a Saturdays Are For The Boys flag taped to the ceiling. This place gives her the creeps. “I’m worried about you. Why didn’t you answer my text? Why are you so drunk?”

Regina makes a face like she’s trying really hard to piece her words together and she fully believes it. She finally meets Janis’ eyes, “Janis, you’re not my girlfriend-”

“I know that!” Janis interjects, voice coming out a bit louder than she intended. It’s hard to not be pissed off right now, though. She speaks a bit quieter this time, “You think I don’t know that? But sucks for you, I still give a shit about you and worry about you. So, for fuck’s sake, just talk to me.”

“I’m too drunk for this conversation right now,” Regina responds with a shake of her head, “and I don’t need you worrying about me. I got me.”

Janis bites her tongue to hold back something mean, staring at the blonde for a long minute.

It’s hard to understand in this moment why she likes Regina so much. She’s trying to see through whatever facade she’s putting up right now, but it’s difficult and not helped by the fact that she feels a bit betrayed. They had an agreement. Regina flaked. It’s not a big deal but it feels like one.

“Let’s get you home,” Janis finally decides, “I would go by myself, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing you’re as drunk as you are, so you’re coming with me.”

“Fine,” Regina stands, “but only because I don’t like this party, either.”

Janis nods wordlessly, looping her arm with Regina’s for some support. She wishes this were in a different context, but beggars can’t be choosers or whatever.

They walk back to the dorms in an uncomfortable silence. Janis spends her time counting her steps, mind tangled from conflicting thoughts about Regina and in no clear order. One thing keeps rising to the top, though, and it’s that she doesn’t know how much longer she can put up with this. She knows that coming out is an arduous process and everyone has their individual journey, but it’s hard to go from being so proud to so pushed back in the closet.

Janis wore her previous girlfriends with excitement, and now with Regina, it’s too many secrets and so much emotional baggage. She doesn’t know how long she can do the tiny steps forward and then huge leaps back. 

Maybe in another life this is all easier. Regina’s more willing to come out or Janis has more patience or Regina’s parents aren’t awful or Janis never moves.

She comes back to reality when she feels Regina tugging at her arm gently, and looks up to meet her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she says quietly, “things are just… a lot right now.”

Janis nods, “I know. But you can talk to me instead of getting shitfaced. I know you don’t want to be in a relationship, but we’re still… friends, I guess.”

“Friends with some benefits,” Regina amends, “and not just the… gay ones.”

“Yeah,” Janis bites her lip, thinking of their recent habit of studying together and how she and Damian have befriended Karen and Gretchen and how all six of them are some kind of friend group now, even with Regina and Janis’ tribulations.

Janis swipes her card to get them into the building, and they go up a flight of stairs to their floor. It’s quiet, with only some soft music coming from one of the dorm rooms, and Janis leads them to Regina’s suite.

“Wait, why mine? I thought we were going to yours,” Regina whines almost like a toddler.

“Dude, you’re gonna want to wake up in your own bed,” Janis responds, stopping at her door.

She watches as Regina fumbles with her keys, struggling to get it into the door. It’s amusing for a minute, but Janis eventually takes the key and unlocks the door herself, only to find that it’s already unlocked.

The door to Regina and Cady’s room is opened and the light in there is on. Janis isn’t surprised that Cady’s sitting in bed, playing something on her laptop.

“Hey! Back so soon?” she asks, pushing her glasses off of her face and onto her head.

“Yeah, she’s drunk,” Janis responds. She’s been in Cady and Regina’s room a handful of times, but never after dark. Cady’s nightstand light is the only one on, leaving Regina’s side of the room almost dark. She turns on Regina’s nightstand light, “Reg, do you wanna change?”

“No,” Regina climbs on to her bed, “Everything’s too far.”

“Regina, you’ll feel better if you get in PJs,” Cady says, sliding off of her bed and over to Regina’s dresser, “where are your PJs?”

“On Mars.”

Janis sighs, “She’s useless. Let me look.”

Janis remembers vividly how Regina always used to keep her PJs in the bottom drawer, and is relieved to find that she hasn’t changed that much. She pulls out a pair of Mickey Mouse PJ pants and supposes that Regina sleeps in her t-shirts due to there being no tops in the drawer.

Her t-shirt drawer is the second from the top, and Janis’ hand stops on one that’s all-too-familiar. It’s the shirt that Regina stole from her after their first night together, folded perfectly at the back of the drawer for no one but her to see.

She considers for a moment stealing it back, but it’s not as fun to do when Regina’s drunk and it’s not a door that she wants to close, so she instead grabs a random shirt and closes the drawer. She needs out of this room.

“Here, Reg,” Janis hands her the clothing, and Regina slowly sits up. Janis waits until she looks relatively okay before nodding and saying, “I’m going to head out.”

“Oh, well, goodnight, Janis,” Cady says, but Regina just stares at her with something brewing behind her eyes.

Janis doesn’t get it and she doesn’t have the energy to.

“Yeah, night, guys,” Janis waves, and leaves the suite quickly.

She needs tonight to be over.

Chapter Text

When Janis wakes up the next morning, she’s upset for a couple of reasons.

One, someone in this fucking dormitory is blasting bad music from their room. She doesn’t know what the song is or how long it’s been playing, but the walls are too thin and so is her patience.

Two, Regina’s not with her. This isn’t something that she’d normally be mad about, but waking up on the weekend with Regina next to her, curled into her, breathing on her neck and twisted into her like she’s rooting herself there, is comforting. Even if Regina sucks when she’s conscious and overthinking everything possible about liking someone like Janis. 

And three, she’s awake. It’s Saturday. It’s 7am on a Saturday and she’s awake. She contemplates starting a war over it because there is no reason why she should be awake at 7am on a Saturday other than God smiting her.

After a while of coming to terms with the fact that she won’t fall back asleep, Janis gets out of bed and slides on a pair of PJ pants that she forwent last night since the dorm’s air conditioning is shot and she was hot. She grabs a hoodie as well and her keys and phone and then finds herself staring at the spot that her Vans should be in but aren’t.

She grabs a pair of socks and tugs those on as she looks around the room, confused. They’re not in their spot by the door, or under her bed like a lot of her lost items end up being, or in her soccer bag. 

Janis knows it’s not that big of a deal, but those are her dining hall shoes. Her mail room shoes. Her fuck I’m running late shoes. She needs those shoes.

She pulls on a pair of Converse for the time being and shoves her AirPods into her hoodie pocket before leaving the room, locking up behind herself.

Janis heads down to the dining hall, grumpy for four reasons now, and makes quick work of grabbing some cereal and situates herself in a corner of the hall where no one will bother her. She’s pissed. She’s going to kill whoever was blasting their music and maybe Regina after that.

Even as she scrolls through TikTok, she’s pissed. Regina’s so needlessly complicated. She’s pissed that Regina got drunk last night, she’s pissed that she didn’t get to have sex last night, she’s pissed that even something as simple as eating cereal is being clouded by thoughts of Regina.

Janis knows that she never should’ve slept with her to begin with or entertained this all past sleeping together, but she does like Regina, which is all the more infuriating.

She likes how Regina entertains her ranting about her art classes. She likes how Regina gets into her own rants about Kylie - how Kylie’s growing up too fast, how she’s worried about Kylie growing up with her parents, how Kylie is the center of her universe and only Janis seems to know that much about it. 

She likes the apprehensive look Regina gets in her eyes when she sees Janis with a Redbull before they start their class, like Janis will do something insane solely because she’s drinking it, even though (in Janis’ opinion) she never does. She likes how Regina will pass sticky notes back and forth wit her during that same class. They’ve played many games of hangman on those.

Janis especially likes the way that Regina smiles when it’s just the two of them. The relaxed, happy one where her eyes are soft and her face is soft and her rigidity has left her completely. It’s the Regina that Janis remembers the most fondly, and knowing that she’s still in there somewhere is as comforting as it is disheartening. Janis doesn’t like that she’s the only person that gets to see that. Regina shouldn’t have to put this nightmarish front on for everyone.

Janis eventually finishes her breakfast and stops at one of the shops on campus for a Redbull and a snack. It’s a bit bizarre, admittedly, how empty campus is this early in the morning. It adds to her frustration with being awake just as much as she finds the whole thing peaceful.

It makes her want to call her mom, even though it’s 2am in Hawaiʻi right now. 

When Janis gets back to her dorm, she’s confused to see Regina standing outside of her room.

She’s in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that Janis doesn’t recognize, and she looks equally as confused to see Janis coming from somewhere other than her room.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Hey,” Janis fidgets with her keys, “How long have you been waiting?”

“I’d rather not answer that,” Regina responds, stepping back from the door so that Janis can open it. Janis barely has the key in the door when Regina speaks again, “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Are you?” Janis says with a bit more malice than she intended. She opens her dorm room door and cringes at the state that she left it in upon not finding her shoes. Her soccer bag is emptied out on her unmade bed, her laundry baskets (both clean and dirty) aren’t in their spot under her bed and instead in the middle of the room, and her desk chair is fully pulled out and sitting by her bed.

Regina doesn’t comment and closes the door behind herself, “I am. I didn’t mean to get like that last night. I just - Shane and I talked before the game and I got distracted and then something else came to light and I freaked out.”

“What did you freak out about?” Janis asks, taking a long sip of her Redbull before putting the can on her nightstand and deciding to tackle the disastrous state that her bed is in. Regina can interrupt her morning all she wants, she still has stuff that she has to get done.

“I’m sure you could guess,” Regina replies, and Janis can feel the blonde’s eyes on her as she puts everything back in her bag and in their proper places.

“Did Shane figure us out?” Janis glances over her shoulder at her, and Regina nods measly. “Cool. Lovely. Damian figured us out, too, if we’re gonna sit here and be honest about it.”

Regina’s eyes widen for a split second, “You told him?”

“No,” Janis huffs, “he figured it out. Is Shane knowing really such a bad thing? He’s gay, too, right? Maybe he could help you.”

“I don’t-”

“Wait, why did you get so drunk, then?” Janis asks, turning around fully to look at her. Shane can’t be the reason that she got so drunk, unless Janis is misreading how freaked out Regina is even more than she thinks she is. “Is Shane finding out really getting shitfaced worthy?”

“No, but him saying that I’m a lesbian felt like it was,” Regina says, eyes not fully meeting Janis’. Her embarrassment would be almost comical if it wasn’t so frustrating. Janis kind of wants to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

“Well, was he right?” Janis asks.

Regina’s face drops - like she’s trying to figure out if she’s being baited or something - and Janis can see the cogs turning behind her eyes as she tries to figure out what to say.

“I don’t know, I mean…”

“Have you taken an Am I Gay quiz yet?” Janis asks, not really having the patience in this moment to walk her through it gently, especially when she knows that Regina knows the answer.

“Shane did one for me,” Regina’s cheeks are red now and Janis does find that display cute. Regina George, while endlessly frustrating, is cute. 

“Okay, well, I’m going to do one for you right now,” Janis responds, pushing herself up so that she’s sitting on her bed, “Ready?”

Regina looks confused again, “Don’t you need your phone?”

“Oh, no,” Janis shakes her head, “this is curated over the last thirty seconds. What’s the name of the main character in The Good Place? We watched it the other night.”

“Eleanor,” Regina responds, “What does this have to do-”

“Name one of the main characters in Teen Beach.”

“Lela,” Regina looks even more confused than before and Janis enjoys it a bit more than she should, “How does this prove that I’m… y’know?”

“When we were in middle school,” Janis unlaces her Converse and kicks them off, “I read the Percy Jackson books in, like, two weeks, and then when I learned they were writing a show based on the books last year and releasing it in January, I was like, oh shit, I should reread those. And as I was gearing up to do that I found all of this discourse online about the casting choices and there was only one thing I remembered from the first book about the characters specifically and it was that Annabeth was blonde and had gray eyes.”

Janis adjusts herself on the bed and drops her soccer bag to the floor next to it, “I didn’t remember what Percy looked like, or Grover, or literally any boy in those stories. Just Annabeth. I also had a huge crush on Mack and Lela in Teen Beach, which is why I requested that we watch them all the time as kids. It’s not a foolproof way, but I do think that if you’re paying more attention to the women than the men in what you consume, there’s something a bit fruity about that. Also, like, you took a gay quiz with Shane and it told you you’re gay. And we’ve had sex. Everything’s lining up Sappho.”

Regina takes a breath, like she’s trying to process everything that Janis just said.

“Dude,” Janis sighs, “being scared of being gay is only going to give it more power. I get that you don’t want your parents finding out, but they’re not here. It’s you and me and Shane and Damian and your roommates. College is the time to figure yourself out. Besides, if I remember anything about your grandma, she’ll have your back.”

“But this… everything’s going to change,” Regina says softly, like she’s processing the words as they come out of her mouth. “I’ve had a script for my life for years. This changes everything.”

“Change is good,” Janis says, “means you’re growing. My mom tells me that all the time. Besides! It keeps things interesting. I could be a Fine Arts major, or I could end up changing and majoring in scuba diving. The possibilities are endless.”

“… scuba diving?”

“I want to get my certification eventually,” Janis grins, “Imagine. Me, scuba diving. So fucking cool.”

“Okay,” Regina breathes, like she needs a minute to comprehend what’s going on, “alright. This is… I don’t like that I like you because you’re kind of insane…”

“Thank you.”

“… and I also wish this revelation was saved for after Families’ Weekend.”

“Oh, yeah,” Janis winces, “Cads mentioned that everyone in your suite and their families are getting dinner together?”

“Yeah,” Regina nods, staring for a second at the empty spot next to Janis before getting on the bed next to her and leaning against the wall, “That’s going to be a shitshow.”

Janis hums, staring at the mess still on her floor for a second. She then looks at Regina, who’s fussing with a thread on her pants, “You do realize that I’m here for you, right? As long as you’ll have me?”

Regina looks over at her, “Really?”

“Yeah,” Janis nods, “I know you’re going through something, and as… irritating as I find you, I want to help. Mainly because you give me orgasms, but also because it’s the right thing to do, I guess.”

Regina snorts, “You guess?”

Janis shrugs, and Regina lets out an actual laugh this time. Janis smiles, enjoying the way that Regina’s shoulders relax and how her smile softens. 

“You’re cute,” Janis says softly.

Regina’s cheeks dust pink again and her eyes land on her lap, “You’re so full of it.”

“I’m just saying it like I see it,” Janis responds, “and you are. You’re cute. And hot. You looked so hot last night.”

“Janis…”

Janis grins, wanting desperately to reach over and take Regina’s face in hers and kiss her, but also wanting to play her cards right. She knows exactly what she wants and she needs to figure out the best way to accomplish that.

“You could call me attractive, too, you know,” Janis suggests, shifting so that she’s facing Regina, “it won’t kill you.”

“Please, like you need me to stroke your ego,” Regina retorts, one of her hands moving to take Janis’, “Do you seriously want to have sex right now?”

“Are you seriously saying no?” Janis asks back.

“What I’m saying is,” Regina slides her arm across Janis and tugs her closer by her waist, “you’re wearing too many clothes for what you want.”

“That’s a problem that’s easy to remedy,” Janis leans forward and bumps her nose against Regina’s, “but you’re saying yes? We can do that? You sure you don’t need any vodka?”

Regina pinches Janis’ side, making her jump, “Janis, I’ll leave right now if you don’t kiss me.”

Janis kisses her.

(Maybe being up early isn’t all that bad.)

Chapter Text

Nearly a week passes from that day and Janis finds that things are going better.

They’re not great. Regina still doesn’t really acknowledge the gay thing, but their friend group has seemed to come to an understanding that they’re just close friends, and that’s why they spend so much time together. Janis is unsure if they’re aware of the sleepovers, but for her own sanity, she chooses to believe that they don’t.

Regina’s been spending more and more time at Janis’ dorm, too, going so far as to sleepover twice this week and not just because they are using the “benefits” part of their friends-with-benefits arrangement. Janis is trying not to think too much about it.

The only thing that matters today is that her dad is flying in from Hawaiʻi. She had practice this morning and two classes this afternoon, and then she gets to see her dad. She’s been buzzing about it all day and she stress-cleaned her dorm room last night while Regina was doing something. Janis wasn’t privy to the information, even though it looked a lot like she was drawing something. She’ll ask eventually.

Janis is nearing the end of her second class of the day when her phone buzzes with a notification.

She glances down, smiling a little when she sees that Regina’s the one texting her.

blonde bitch
can’t believe you’re ditching a night with me for your dad

gremlin
he likes me

gremlin
and you didn’t wanna fuck last night

blonde bitch
all i said was that i wanted to shower first

gremlin
yeah it’s crazy you’d say no to me like that

blonde bitch
smfh

blonde bitch
when are you bringing him to the dorms? trying to flee the state by then

gremlin
less than an hour

gremlin
also like ? calm tf down he’s not gonna do anything

blonde bitch
have you not considered that he’s going to kill me the second that he sees me

gremlin
have you not considered that he’s all talk and no fight ??? man is scared of spiders you are FINE

blonde bitch
he probably has that parental fight in him. i’ll be in kalamazoo

gremlin
bitch

blonde bitch
i’m so serious

gremlin
that only adds to my concern

blonde bitch
lmk if u reconsider having me tonight. i’ll shower ahead of time

gremlin
…

gremlin
ill keep u posted

Janis has never been so glad that she’s in a giant lecture hall and never felt such whiplash about seeing her dad. He’s almost the last person that she wants to see right now, but she convinces herself that if she stops in the bathroom to splash water on her face on the way to her dorm, she’ll be fine. She just needs to take a couple of breaths and not think about Regina sneaking into her room tonight.

Her room is a sanctuary right now. It is safe. It is set up to show that she can be somewhat organized and to prove to her mother that she didn’t need to come out here again and touch all of her shit. Janis is almost shocked that the woman hasn’t tried to come out here already.

Janis does miss her mother, truly. Her mother is her rock. But she’s also a lot, and as homesick as Janis finds herself to be, she appreciates the space.

Janis nearly runs out of the lecture hall when the professor dismisses them, and ducks into the closest bathroom. Her dad hasn’t texted her yet, so she still has some time.

She looks herself over in the mirror. Her hair is loose and falling around her shoulders in an almost messy but still good-looking way, her hoodie is free of stains, her belt is fixed properly and not too tight or loose and her jeans are clean. She looks as put together as she can manage.

After splashing some water on her face and then making sure there’s no trace of her ever doing that, Janis heads out of the building and checks her phone.

dna giver 2
Waiting outside your dorm!

She sends him back a quick thumbs up, about to shove her phone back in her pocket when she crashes into someone.

“Oh, fuck,” Janis steps back, “sorry.”

“Girl, watch where you’re going,” Damian retorts, waving her off, “what has you so distracted? Or is this just normal Janis destructiveness?”

“I hate you.”

“You love me,” he says seriously, “Where are you headed?”

“My dad’s at the dorms. I’m taking him on a tour and then we’re going for dinner,” Janis responds, rocking on her heels, “You?”

“I was also heading to the dorms,” Damian looks a little excited at the mention of Janis’ dad. They’ve only ever met once in person, which was on Janis’ move in day, but they’ve met many times on FaceTime. Janis’ dad likes Damian. He loves saying that half the reason he was okay with Janis moving so far for school was because of Damian. Janis just wonders if her brother is jealous.

“Oh good,” Janis winces, “You guys can talk about Phantom together.”

“I’ve been counting the days until I’m able to do that,” Damian responds with way too much enthusiasm, “I’m just glad I saw it before it wasn’t on Broadway anymore.”

“We’re all so proud of you,” Janis says, heading down the stairs of the building that they’re in, “I still don’t understand that fucking musical.”

“I’ve explained it to you so many times.”

Janis stares at him for a second, unsure if she should acknowledge how little she’s retained from those conversations. It’s not something she does intentionally, but something about heteronormative relationship drama is entirely too uninteresting to her. The girl sang. The guy’s face was deformed. That’s what she’s taken away.

“Sorry, Wicked’s more interesting,” is what she decides to go with, pushing the door from the stairs open, “So much gayer.”

“Bitch, Broadway is gay,” Damian retorts, huffing, “I’ll get you one day.”

“Sure you will.”

Damian hums, “Whatever. How are things going with you and your highness?”

Early this week, she and Damian sat across from each other in his dorm room and talked about the fact that Janis has been kind of in a relationship with Regina. She described it as friends with benefits, but he used the phrase star-crossed lovers and Janis swore she almost had a heart attack. Sure, she likes Regina, maybe a bit past friendship, but something like “star crossed lovers” is insane.

Janis shrugs, “She’s okay. If she processed things like I do, she’d be yapping my ear off about how insane her mother is and how nervous she is. But, y’know, she’s Regina, so… silence and ruminating.”

“Was she like that when you were kids, too?” Damian asks, holding the entrance door to the building open.

Janis follows him outside, “She didn’t have issues like this when we were kids. The only thing I can really remember is her talking about not liking her mom when we had sleepovers. She’d wait until we’d turned the lights out and drop little Regina bombs. Like an insane person. Because she’s insane.”

“Well, then, maybe she’ll talk to you eventually.”

“No, dude, she comes to my room when I’m not expecting her and just monologues,” Janis tugs at her backpack straps, a nervous feeling bubbling in her stomach. She hasn’t ever gone this long without seeing her family.

“Hot?”

“Confusing.”

Damian nods, “Okay, fair. I think you two would make a cute couple.”

“I know,” Janis responds, trying to ignore the way that her heart does a happy flip at that idea, “but you gotta chill with that around her. She’s like a horse - spooks easy.”

“I’m going to tell her that you called her a horse,” Damian teases, to which Janis nudges his side. “I’m sure she’ll love that.”

They’re maybe two hundred feet away from their building and Janis sees her dad standing outside, staring at his phone. He’s bundled up in one of his old work coats, a pair of jeans that her mom definitely told him to buy for this trip, and the dad-est pair of dad shoes that Janis has ever seen.

“Oh my god, he’s here,” Janis looks at him and then at Damian, “He’s here!”

“Go say hi!” Damian pushes at her shoulder gently, “Don’t worry about waiting for me.”

Janis nods, walking a bit faster before almost launching into a full sprint into her father.

He notices her at just the last second, and a huge smile crosses his face as he pulls her into a hug, “Jay! I missed you, how are you, keiki?”

For just a minute, Janis feels like a little kid again. Her classes don’t really matter, soccer is just for fun, Regina’s a nonissue, and she has her dad. Everything feels okay.

“I’m good,” Janis hugs him tighter, wishing more now that her mother and brother were here, but appreciating him nonetheless. Her brother has school and her mother has work. She gets it, even if it’s a bummer. “I missed you.”

Her dad kisses her head, “Good. We have a whole weekend. I want to see your dorm and your campus, I forgot how gorgeous fall is in this state.”

Janis loosens her grip on her dad, parting from him completely when he tries to ruffle her hair.

“Damian!” he grins big, like he’s talking to another one of his kids, “How have you been? You settle in well?”

“I’m doing great,” Damian nods, smiling back almost as big, “I heard through the grapevine that Janis cleaned her room for you, so don’t believe what you see.”

“I wouldn’t,” her dad says, taking Janis’ backpack from her, much to her disdain. She can carry her own backpack, thank you very much.

“Alright, this doesn’t have to be a roast session about me,” Janis interjects, fiddling with her keys in her pocket, “and I can carry my own stuff.”

Her dad just shrugs, like he’s asking her what she’s going to do about it, and Damian laughs. She never should’ve let Damian tag along.

“Let’s go inside,” Janis huffs, leading them to the front door of the building.

Damian, never one to back down from a Broadway conversation, brings up Phantom of the Opera immediately. It’s the only musical that her dad is familiar with outside of Hamilton, and he’s only seen Phantom on Broadway. He saw it on a trip to New York City when he was 19 years old and got dirt cheap tickets. Janis makes sure that no one ever asks him about it because he’ll talk about the chandelier coming to life for an hour before touching the rest of the musical.

Janis is just thankful that he’s not worse with Hamilton, although he’s played the White House clips more times than she can count.

They get to their floor, and Janis’ stomach drops when she sees Regina in the hallway, talking to one of their RAs.

“Run!” Janis hisses.

Regina’s eyes widen when she sees her, like she knows how fucked she is, and Janis just doesn’t understand why she’s here because she said she was fleeing the state. Janis wasn’t going to take her word for that specifically, but she thought that meant Regina would at least flee the building.

She swears she sees Regina say motherfucker, but she doesn’t even get to enjoy it.

Her dad didn’t have the greatest reaction to Regina outing her in middle school. Janis’ mom famously recalls having to stop him from going to the Georges’ residence and threatening her father himself. 

Janis doesn’t know if he’d even recognize her, but she doesn’t exactly want to chance it.

Unfortunately; “Jay,” her dad’s voice breaks her out of her momentary freakout. His voice is quiet enough so that just they and Damian hear each other, “is that Regina George?”

“Dad…”

Janis watches as her dad’s face crosses through at least six emotions, and tugs him down the hall and to her door, willing him not to say anything and shaking her head at Damian when he asks if he should stick around.

She opens the door as quickly as she can and pushes him in, making sure the door is closed before she speaks again, “Don’t freak out.”

Her dad is still painfully silent, and his eyebrows are furrowed in a way that Janis only recognizes from the time she and her brother broke a vase in the kitchen.

“Are you two…” he asks first, “friends?”

“Sure. If that’s what you want to call it. She’s Cady’s roommate,” Janis blurts out, thankful that her blabbering hasn’t resulted in her accidentally outing their relationship. Her dad still looks like he’s processing and Janis’ brain hurts, “What? Are you mad? She’s not like she was in middle school.”

“I’m not mad, keiki,” he sighs, “Well, a little. I’m glad you two are on better terms. But you just lost me a bet.”

Janis’ eyes widen, “I what?”

“Your mom and I found out that Regina was going to your school and that she’s roommates with Cady from Cady’s mom. We were talking about it and it turned into a bet - I thought you two wouldn’t be friends again and your mom said that you would. And now I’m out fifty dollars,” he looks entirely bummed and Janis is flabbergasted.

“You two share a bank account,” Janis says, “Why the fuck were you betting money?”

He shoots her a look, “Do you want to know what the actual reward was?”

Janis freezes. This is a trap. This must be a trap.

“I don’t think I do,” she says slowly, “Wait, why are you mad at me? Shouldn’t you want me to make friends? Would you rather I stayed enemies with her and put Cady in an awkward position?”

“I wanted fifty dollars!”

“It was already yours!”

“You think you raise a stubborn kid,” he scoffs jokingly, “anyway, this is a cool room, Jay.”

“I can’t believe you put fifty dollars on me having an enemy,” Janis retorts, feeling like a petulant child now. She almost wants to send this man back to Hawaiʻi. She doesn’t want to know if the bet goes any deeper, or let her parents know that their relationship is much more complicated than just being friends. It’s definitely not something that she plans on talking about during this trip, that’s for sure.

“You took AP Chemistry in your junior year just because Kai said that you wouldn’t, of course I thought you’d keep an enemy. Especially because you had probable cause for her to be your enemy,” he explains, and Janis grimaces. She did take that class just because her brother said that she wouldn’t. And she got a 4 on the AP test. It wasn’t worth it, but it is something that she did.

“Whatever,” Janis plops down in her desk chair, “Grace hasn’t decorated much because she’s out with her girlfriend all the time, but that means I’ve gotten a lot of space to myself.”

“It looks good,” her dad says earnestly, “bet it costs more than fifty dollars.”

Janis groans, “Oh my god.”

This is going to be a long weekend.

Chapter Text

Joan Elizabeth George.

Regina’s paternal grandmother, three-time cancer survivor, 86-year-old badass. 

She’s been married twice. One was Regina’s grandfather, the other was a 24-hour marriage in Vegas on her 75th. She’s had three kids; Regina’s father first, her uncle Harrison next, and her aunt Becca after that. She was born into money and married into more money, and she’s been using it to take care of everyone with a not-so-secret favoring of Regina for whatever reason. 

Regina wants to believe that its proximity. Regina’s father is the only one of the three kids to have never left the Chicago area (Harrison is in Silicon Valley for god knows what reason and Becca is a decently successful actress in some Broadway productions), and Regina’s the older one between her and Kylie. Joan has watched her grow up. She knew Janis. She knows Shane and she knows of Aaron.

It’s easier to believe that she loves Regina this much because of that rather than something else - something harder to confront and understand - and she keeps it that way.

Regardless, Regina’s mother, Kylie, and Joan are coming to families weekend. Regina’s panicking about it but she’s also trying really hard to be cool about it.

She worries about if her grandmother sees Janis, she worries about if her mother sees Janis, and she worries especially about Kylie remembers Janis. Kylie was barely in school when she and Janis last saw each other, but kids have memories like elephants.

Kylie wouldn’t do anything, Regina knows that, but her mother would. Her grandmother would, too, but anything that she’d do would be in good faith. Regina doesn’t think that her mother would be the same way. When Janis moved, her mother muttered something about being thankful that “the dyke’s leaving” and Regina still thinks about it all these years later.

She just needs to keep Janis far away from her family and maybe make out with her when the coast is clear. Kissing Janis makes things better. That’s something else that she’s trying not to think too much about, even though the picture is becoming increasingly clear.

Currently, she’s waiting in the common room of the suite with Gretchen while Karen and Cady get ready. Cady’s mom is on the way up, if Regina understands the garbled gibberish from her roommate correctly, and Regina knows that her family is on the way. Gretchen’s parents are coming as well, although Gretchen has noted that they run late on a regular basis, and Karen’s been pretty tight-lipped, but Regina assumes that she doesn’t have anyone coming.

There must be a reason behind that, but Regina’s not going to ask. She doesn’t want anyone asking about her bullshit, so she’s not going to go poking around in other’s. It’s treating others the way she wants to be treated, or whatever.

She fidgets with one of her rings as she waits, wanting to be literally anywhere but here. She almost wishes she told her mom to meet them at the restaurant for dinner, but Kylie wants to see the dorms and she can’t disappoint her sister.

The dorm has taken on a life since they first moved in. They have two mini fridges, one by Cady and Regina’s door and the other by the TV. Cereals sit on top of the one by the TV and an ever-evolving bowl of protein bars sits on top of Cady and Regina’s. The microwave sits by the window (in case of burnt popcorn) and the windowsill has been cushioned with pillows and blankets. Karen and Cady have put photos up on the walls, and Gretchen’s been talking about decorating for Christmas since September.

The place is homier than Regina’s house. She tries to not put much mind to that. 

“What’s not allowed for tonight?” Gretchen asks.

“Literally anything that’s not about us going to school,” Regina pulls at her ring again, “well, soccer’s allowed. That won’t get any of us in trouble.”

Gretchen hums, “Yeah, don’t mention Jason to my parents. Karen already knows not to and I asked Cady not to mention him.”

“Everything okay with you guys?” Regina asks.

A longer than necessary pause happens, and Regina looks up from her hands and at Gretchen, who looks confused, which just confuses Regina.

“What?”

Gretchen blinks, “Um, nothing! Nothing. And nothing’s wrong with Jason. My parents are just… overprotective. And Jason’s…”

Ugly. Stupid. Probably cheating.

“He’s not the type for parents,” Gretchen says simply.

Regina twists her ring again. She froze when she saw Janis’ dad. She doesn’t think she’s the type for parents, either. She wonders if she ever will be.

There’s a knock at the door and Regina’s heart nearly stops in her chest. Christ, it can’t be her mom, right?

Gretchen gets up to answer it, and Regina’s relieved when she sees Cady’s mother standing there. She only gets a second of reprieve before Kylie comes bounding into the room, squealing when she sees Regina.

“Reggie!”

“Oh my god, hi!” Regina pulls her into a tight hug, ignoring for the moment the fact that this means her mother is close, “I missed you! Did you leave Mom and Nana behind?”

“They said I could go ahead with Ms. Heron,” Kylie says, looking around the room, “This is college?”

“These are the dorms,” Regina smooths her hair before tugging Kylie into her lap so that they’re both facing Gretchen, “This is one of my roommates, Gretchen.”

“Hi,” Kylie waves, “I’m Kylie.”

“Hi, Kylie,” Gretchen smiles, sitting down. She must’ve greeted Cady’s mom.

Regina turns to the other woman in the room, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” she smiles softly, and it looks eerily similar to Cady’s. Regina knows that genetics are a real thing, but it’s still bizarre how similar the two look. “Where’s Cady?”

“I’m here,” Cady steps out of their room, “Hi, mom.”

“Reggie,” Kylie brings Regina’s attention back to her, waving Regina in like she’s trying to tell a secret, “Mom doesn’t like the restaurant for tonight.”

Regina nods seriously, even though she’s heard that complaint twelve times already, and whispers back in Kylie’s ear, “She’ll figure it out.”

Kylie hums, seemingly pleased with that non-answer, and Regina grimaces when the door opens again and her mother comes through, Joan hot on her heels.

Her mother is dressed head-to-toe in designer brands, with even her purse covered in Gucci symbols, and Regina wants to smack her just for that. Who comes to a college dressed in thousands of dollars worth of clothing? Only a psychopath would and Regina knows that her mother probably fits that description.

“Regina,” her mother looks her up and down and Regina gently urges Kylie off of her lap.

She gets up off the couch and takes her mother in a delicate hug, none of which feels genuine judging by the tension in both of their shoulders. Regina hates it. It’s nothing like hugging Kylie.

Her grandmother is next, all smiles and looking around the room with amusement in her eyes, like she’s never been in a dorm room before. Regina doesn’t know how she does it. Her smile gets bigger when her eyes meet Regina, “Oh, Reg, so good to see you! College looks good on you.”

“Thanks, Nana,” Regina says quietly, smiling when her grandmother pulls her into a tight hug, “how are you?”

“Pissed that you’re not around as often,” Joan says just loud enough for them to hear, “I’ve been cleaning out the attic. I’m embarrassing you tonight.”

“Nana…”

“Ah! None of that, it’s my duty,” she waves Regina off, and it’s now that the blonde recognizes the bag sitting on her grandmother’s shoulder, practically bursting with blackmail that would make Janis foam at the mouth.

Regina takes a breath. She can’t think about Janis right now. She needs to be so composed and cool and normal. She can manage.

Joan is quick to introduce herself to everyone in the room that she can, and Regina can tell that even Karen is taken aback when she steps out of her and Gretchen’s room and Joan strikes up a lengthy conversation with her about her curls and “how beautiful they are, how do you keep them so perfect?”

The woman is just barely off of her rocker. Regina loves her.

Gretchen’s parents show up not too long after, immediately becoming a part of the conversation with Joan while Cady shows Kylie something on her Switch and Regina gets pulled into a conversation with Gretchen and her mom. Regina’s mother is sulking in the corner - probably about something that is completely petty and arbitrary - and Regina wonders why she even came in the first place, or why she invited her mother at all.

Joan approaches Regina while Gretchen’s mother is in the middle of telling Gretchen about one of their neighbors, and quickly pulls her off to the side, asking if they can go for a brief walk before heading off to the dinner.

Regina nods, excusing the two of them and grabbing her keys before leading her grandmother out of the room. 

The door has barely shut behind them when someone calls out Regina’s grandmother’s name.

Regina turns her head towards the voice, and she’s horrified to see Janis and her father standing not even ten feet away. Janis’ eyes are wide, clearly nervous, too.

“Vasa!” Joan smiles big at Janis’ father, “I can’t believe it’s you! It’s been so long.”

The two greet each other with a hug, and Regina has a hard time not looking at Janis. She can’t be caught right now. The weekend has barely started. This isn’t something that she can deal with right now.

“Oh, my,” Janis’ father grins, “lovely to see you, Joan. And, Regina…” he looks at her like he’s lost for words and Regina can’t blame him. She couldn’t come up with anything right now if she tried. “Great to see you.”

“Likewise,” Regina says quietly, pulling at her ring. She’s so fucking screwed. They’re so fucking screwed.

“And Janis,” Joan’s smile softens as she looks at Janis. It’s an almost painful reminder of how close they used to be. “You’re so grown up now, honey. How are you?”

“I’m good,” Janis nods in the same way she does when she’s not paying attention and someone says her name. Regina finds it cute, but she can’t be thinking like that right now. “Reg didn’t tell me you were coming, I would’ve dressed nicer.”

Regina’s grandmother looks surprised at that, and turns to look at Regina, mouth moving even though she’s not saying anything, and then she turns back to Janis, “I didn’t know you guys were friends again!”

“Don’t feel too left out, I had no idea, either,” Janis’ father says with a little laugh. It’s one of those laughs of someone who has life figured out, whose past weighs nothing while Regina’s weighs a hundred tons, who’s having a lovely time right now because he seems to be under the impression that Regina and Janis are friends.

Regina feels like a step was skipped there - she thought that Janis’ dad was pissed at her. Why isn’t he trying to kill her right now?

“Well, that’s lovely!” Joan squeezes Regina’s wrist, “Janis, please get Regina to come up to my house some weekend soon. I would love to host the two of you. For old time’s sake.”

“Oh, uh,” Janis’ eyes dart towards Regina for a second and Regina pulls at her ring again. She looks back at Joan, “I’ll do my best.”

Regina wishes she were a turtle right now. Turtles can hide in their shells and she’s never been so jealous of a reptile in her life. There’s nowhere to fucking hide.

“Good,” Joan is still all smiles as she turns to Regina, “I’m glad you have her around again, Reggie. She’s always brought out good in you.”

“Thanks, Nana,” Regina says sheepishly, still completely lost for words.

“How’s Lani doing?” Joan asks, “Did she come with you?”

“She’s back in Hawaiʻi with Kai,” Janis’ dad responds, “It’s just Jay and I. We’re actually headed out now to go get some dinner.”

“Just you two?” Joan looks displeased with that information, and her frown only deepens when Janis’ dad confirms the information, “No! No, please, join us for dinner. I’m sure I can get us two more seats.”

Regina panics, “Nana, you don’t-”

And at the same time, Janis butts in, “Joan, that’s not-”

“Oh, quiet, you two,” Joan waves Regina and Janis off, “Vasa, please, join us. I would love to catch up with you more.”

Janis’ father looks to Janis and Regina twists her ring again. They’re so fucking screwed. Janis better not fucking agree. She knows how poorly this could go just as much as Regina does. They need to-

“It’s a free dinner,” Vasa bumps Janis’ arm with his elbow, “Come on, kid.”

“Yeah, okay,” Janis nods, not meeting Regina’s eyes once. Regina feels like she’s about to die.

“Amazing!” Joan claps, “Regina will send you the details. We’re leaving soon, I just wanted to go on a little walk with Regina before we head off.”

“We’ll meet you there. Great seeing you, Joan.”

Regina’s wordless as they depart, and they’re waiting for the elevator when her grandmother speaks again, “Are you and Janis actually friends again?”

Sure, if that’s what you want to call it.

“Yeah,” Regina breathes, digging her hands into her pockets to stop herself from fidgeting with her ring.

“Good,” Joan says simply, “She’s good for you. She came out, right? She’s a lesbian?”

The ease in which the word falls from her lips almost bewilders Regina. She knows that her grandmother is with the times, that she’s always fought Regina’s parents on their “stupid ass views on gayness” (her grandmother’s words, not hers), but it’s a word that’s beginning to weigh too much to Regina. Hearing it makes it more real, and more identifiable, and that sets Regina’s anxiety off.

“Yeah,” Regina bites the inside of her cheek, “she’s gay.”

Joan hums as the elevator doors open and they step on. She waits for the doors to close before speaking again, “Is everything okay, Regina? You’ve been quiet all afternoon.”

Regina pulls at a thread in the pocket of her jacket, “Just an overwhelming day. I’m alright.”

“Honey, you’re not hard to read,” her grandmother says pointedly.

“Nana…”

“Is Janis why you’re so much happier, Reggie?” her grandmother’s voice softens, “I thought it was getting away from your mother that had you so happy looking, but… you and Janis used to be inseparable. It’d make sense if she’s been a part of that.”

Regina wants to tell her everything, to explain everything that’s happened (well, maybe not everything everything, the woman is still her grandmother), but the words get caught in her throat. She doesn’t want to come out to her grandmother on an elevator. She’s not sure if she wants to come out at all, not when she doesn’t even have a word to describe herself.

“She’s been good,” Regina says as the doors open, “Enough about me, though. How’s mom treating Kylie?”

Her grandmother gives her a skeptical look, but she drops the topic for the moment and tells Regina about her and Kylie’s weekly mandated time together.

This is easier than Janis. But Regina still wants to talk about Janis. She needs to get this all under control.

Chapter Text

Regina’s keeping her cool.

Kylie’s further from her than she wanted, but she’s next to Cady’s mom, who Regina trusts enough. And Janis is next to Regina, but she’s not paying attention to that. Her mother is surrounded by Regina and Joan, the best course of action, but also the least comfortable. Having a homophobic mother on her right and her lesbian kind-of-friend-but-mostly-hookup partner on her left feels like some kind of fucked up torture device.

She can sense the discomfort radiating off of Janis, but she bets that it’s also her own discomfort that she’s feeling as well.

The restaurant that they’re are is kind of expensive, but not too bougie. She can trust her grandmother to pick a restaurant, that’s for sure.

“Joan, what did you do for a living?” Betsy asks at one point after they order dinner.

“I taught for a number of years,” Joan says with a little smile, “High school history. What a time that was… watching kids’ frustrated faces as they realized that history is constantly repeating itself was as satisfying as it was saddening.”

“I can imagine,” Betsy surmises, and it’s at that moment that Janis smacks the outside of Regina’s thigh hard enough to get her attention.

Regina jolts her head in the brunette’s direction, mouthing a what at her.

“Bathroom,” Janis whispers, and Regina nods. Anything to get her away from this table, really.

The two move to stand and Janis’ father gives them a look, “Where are you two going?”

“Bathroom,” Janis repeats, dragging Regina away by her wrist before anyone can protest them any further.

The second that they enter the bathroom, Regina checks for anyone else in there. When she notices that the coast is clear, she looks back at Janis, “What’s up?”

“I need away from everyone,” Janis leans back against the counter, “Oh my god. Why the fuck did I agree to this? Your mother has been glaring at her plate for so fucking long that I thought the thing was going to explode.”

“You had an out,” Regina reminds her, and Janis rolls her eyes.

“You saw how excited my dad was to see your Nana. It was that or explain to him everything going on with you and I don’t even know where to begin with that,” Janis replies, her eyes not meeting Regina’s once. 

Regina bites her tongue. She doesn’t know what they are, where they stand, but she does know that she didn’t want to put Janis in a situation like this. 

“I just…” Regina sighs, “Everything would be so much better if my mom wasn’t here.”

Janis doesn’t say anything, but her silence speaks volumes.

Regina thinks about Janis for a minute. She’s beautiful tonight, even just wearing a plain t-shirt with a multi-colored jacket and a nicer pair of pants. She makes simplicity interesting, and Regina doesn’t know what to do with the fact that her heart is beating faster when she looks at her or the fact that Janis is on her mind more often than not. She files those thoughts away for another time, about to suggest that they head back to their table when the bathroom door opens.

Thankfully, it’s just Gretchen.

“What’s going on in here?” she asks, narrowing her eyes at them like she caught them doing something, even though they’re on opposite sides of the room.

“We’re hiding,” Janis says, fixing one of her rings, “but we should probably go back.”

“Yeah,” Regina’s voice is barely audible.

“What are you doing in here, Gretch?” Janis asks, standing up and tilting her head a little.

“Using the bathroom,” Gretchen taps on one of the doors and it gives way under her hand, “You two are being weird.”

“No, we’re not,” Regina responds.

“Yeah, we’re normal,” Janis nods, “Let’s go, G.”

They don’t give Gretchen a chance to respond, and Janis stops them as the bathroom door closes behind them, “My… uh, my dad’s heading back to his hotel after this tonight. Would you wanna come over tonight?”

Regina nods, “Yeah. Of course.”

Janis’ smile is soft, and she reaches over to squeeze Regina’s hand quickly, and Regina wishes that they could just leave the restaurant now. Leave the stupidity of her mother behind, her grandmother’s prying eyes, Janis’ far too kind father…

She takes a breath and squeezes back before dropping Janis’ hand, and she leads them back to the table.

Her mother is giving her a curious look, but Regina doesn’t meet her eyes and sits back down in her seat. She just can’t entertain her mother’s antics tonight, even if the woman is on better behavior around everyone else.

“You girls okay?” Joan asks.

“We’re great,” Janis nods, “Very fancy bathroom, it makes the dorm ones look even worse.”

“They’re not that bad,” Cady says, furrowing her eyebrows.

“I met a spider in one the other night,” Janis says with a shrug, and now Regina’s the one that’s confused.

“You met a spider?”

Janis nods, “I tried to get him to bite me so I’d get Spider-Man powers, but it ran away, and then it got caught in the water and went down the drain. Sure he’s dead now.”

Regina doesn’t know what to say to that. Is there anything to say to that?

“I love Spider-Man!” Kylie enthuses, “One of my friends has a Spider-Man game and we swing through New York City. It’s so cool.”

Well, Regina surmises, there’s that.

Regina can’t say that she knows anything about Spider-Man aside from the general look and the fact that Janis dressed up as Spider-Man for Halloween when they were kids. She tried to get Regina to dress up as a character named Gwen, telling her that they shared a hair color so it was obvious, but Regina opted to dress up as Rapunzel instead.

Their food comes not too long after that conversation, and Janis and Regina are in a dumb game of kicking the other person’s foot under the table when Gretchen’s mother asks, “So, girls, are any of you dating?”

The immediate response from Gretchen would be comical if Regina wasn’t aware of the way her mother’s stare is boring into her.

“Honey, are you okay?” Gretchen’s mother is about to jump across the table to help her coughing daughter, but Karen smacks her on the back and Gretchen waves her mother off.

“I’m fine,” Gretchen makes a deal of taking a drink of her water and Karen is the first to answer the question.

“I’ve been dating someone, but I’m not sure if it’s going to go anywhere.”

“Oh, good, sweetheart,” Gretchen’s mother smiles in a way that makes Regina envious. Her mother has never looked at her like that - not with so much care, so much genuine curiosity for something going on in her life. Regina bites the inside of her cheek.

“What about you girls?” Gretchen’s mother’s eyes are on Regina and Janis now, and Regina grips her fork tighter.

“I’m focused on my studies,” Janis answers almost too easily.

Regina nods, voice strained as she says, “Same.”

Her mother scoffs next to her.

“Cady’s got a crush, though!” Janis swerves the attention across the table, “It’s on a boy.”

“God, I’d hope so,” Regina’s mother mutters next to her. 

Regina bites her tongue to stop herself from saying anything uncouth. She doesn’t need to cause a scene. They’re almost done with dinner, she can hold on a little longer.

“Cady?” Betsy suddenly looks interested, “Is this about Aaron?”

“Yeah,” Cady’s face is fire engine red now, “but it’s nothing. He’s a sophomore, and I want to get good grades before I even think about boys.”

Betsy smiles proudly, but Gretchen’s mother presses a little more, “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sure you could do both!”

Cady just shrugs, and Gretchen’s mother turns her attention back to her daughter, “What about you? Seeing anyone?”

“No, no one,” Gretchen shakes her head and Regina wonders how long she’s going to lie to her parents. Her parents are nice. They don’t seem to be the type to hyper-criticize her dating choices (even if Jason definitely deserves it). Regina hates how jealous she feels right now.

“Wow, Karen, you’re the only one, it seems,” Gretchen’s mother hums, “Please, entertain me a little? What’s the person that you’re dating like?”

Regina can feel her mother’s frustration flowing off of her in waves and prays that she stays quiet.

“She’s nice,” Karen says slowly, like she’s anticipating something. Regina wonders if she knows how awful her mother is. She’ll make it up to Karen, she swears. This has to be some form of torture, really. “We’ve been on a couple of dates, and she comes with me to parties.”

“Can we not talk about this at the dinner table?” Regina’s mother finally intervenes, and Regina opens her mouth to tell the woman to shut up, but she keeps going, “It’s inappropriate. There’s a child here.”

“Cady talked about her crush in way more detail,” Joan says, tone snide, “Leave them alone, June.”

“It’s unnatural!” Her mother retorts, and Regina doesn’t miss the way that Betsy moves to cover Kylie’s ears when her mother keeps going, “You think I’m going to let Kylie hear about this bullshit? Girls liking girls? I’m not poisoning my daughter like that, thank you very much. I know they’ve tried to get at Regina already and I’m not risking it with Kylie.”

“Mom, shut up,” Regina glares at her, “Stop.”

“Please,” her mother rolls her eyes, “You’re talking to Janis again? I fucking knew that you’d go down this hole again. God help you, Regina. I don’t know if there’s any hope for you anymore.”

Regina feels frustration gurgling in her stomach, but she tries to keep herself calm. She doesn’t want a scene. She can’t make a scene. There will be no scene.

“This isn’t something that we’re talking about right now,” Regina retorts.

“Gretchen’s mom is encouraging it,” Regina’s mother waves her hand and scoffs again, “This goes against the natural order, liking girls. I thought you would’ve learned that by now, but you’re sneaking off to bathrooms with a lesbian. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Ma’am,” a waiter approaches the table, eyes wide like he has no idea of what to do, “You’re being very loud. If this continues, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

The look in her mother’s eyes is institution worthy, “I am a paying customer! I can speak however I want!”

“We’ll leave,” Regina gathers her jacket and clutch and ushers her mom out of the restaurant, not listening to a word of her bitching until they’re out of the restaurant.

She’s somehow still going on, whining about Bible verses and the natural order and some other bullshit that Regina doesn’t care to listen to. She can’t believe that she’s put up with this behavior for years when normal parents exist - parents that love their kids unconditionally and proudly and stand by them.

“What the fuck is your problem?” she hisses, “Seriously. Did a lesbian hurt you? Is Dad gay and you’re pissed about it and you’re making it everyone else’s problem? Because you drink half a gallon of wine a day, you shouldn’t be walking around acting like you’re some fucking saint.”

“She got to you, didn’t she?” her mother’s eyes are narrow, accusatory, “I tried to keep you away from her, Regina. She’s put crazy shit into your brain. Women cannot like women.”

“Yes, they can,” Regina retorts, “and who are you to speak on the Bible anyway? You go to church once a year for Christmas Mass. Just say you’re homophobic and move on, no one is forcing you to kiss a woman!”

“I never should’ve let you go to this school,” her mother shakes her head, “They’ve put these ideals into your head. I bet Shane wasn’t any help, either.”

“Mom, go home,” Regina tries to keep her voice level when she realizes that a group is walking into the restaurant not even fifteen feet away from them, “Nana will take Kylie for the night. You need to chill the fuck out. Those are my roommates.”

“You should move rooms,” her mother says next, “We could arrange for you to have a single.”

“Stop!” Regina cries out, “Stop. You’re so fucking controlling! I’m an adult now, for fuck’s sake. What I do and who I choose to spend my time with is not your fucking concern anymore and I don’t want to hear it. Shane’s my best friend and Janis is my friend and Karen’s my friend and you’re going to have to fucking get over it.”

Her mother’s finally silent, glaring at Regina like she’s done something wrong.

“Go home, Mom.”

Her mother’s lip curls, “You are such a fucking disappointment, Regina George.”

Regina bites the inside of her cheek, not letting the pain from that statement show for even a second. She will not crack in front of her mother. Not right now.

Her mother huffs and turns on her heel, stomping off in some other direction, and Regina finally breathes. Her eyes are stinging. Her chest is shaking. Her hands are clammy. She’s never felt so conflicted in her life.

Her grandmother comes out of the restaurant maybe 30 seconds later, a concerned look writ all over her face, “Reg…”

“Can you take Ky tonight?” Regina asks, her voice shaking more than she thought it would. She’s not crying yet, though. She’s not going to. She can hold herself together. She’ll be fine.

“Of course,” her grandmother takes a tentative step towards her, “She’s with Janis right now and talking about Spider-Man. She’ll be fine. Are you okay, Reggie?”

Regina bites on her lip, trying to stop herself from crying. She doesn’t want to cry right now, but the tears are building in her eyes and there’s a massive lump in her throat and her entire face hurts.

“Reg.”

“I’m fine,” Regina says, voice coming out in a hoarse whisper, “She’s just… god, she’s the fucking worst.”

“I know,” her grandmother’s voice is soft, and she’s within arms’ length now, “I’m so sorry, honey. Come here, let’s just sit down.”

“No,” Regina shakes her head, “I can’t.”

“Regina,” her grandma’s voice is stern this time, “sit down with me.”

“Nana, please,” Regina’s voice wobbles.

“It’s either you sit or I hug you,” her grandma cracks a little smile, “It’s up to you, kiddo.”

Regina nods, knowing the woman is too stubborn to take it back, and tentatively sits down on the bench. Her shaking is worse now, like she’s a volcano about to explode, and she doesn’t know if anything will make it better. Her mother is awful. Her life is exploding under her feet. Everything that she’s known about herself feels like it’s in question and she fears that tonight is the last time that she’ll see Kylie.

This has to be some horrendous nightmare, she supposes. That’s the only way that this would all make sense. She’s having a nightmare.

“Regina,” her grandma’s voice breaks through her thoughts, “Your mom is wrong, honey. She’s wrong.”

Regina doesn’t say anything, only able to affix her gaze on the pavers under her shoes.

“Women have loved women for as long as time has gone on. There is nothing unnatural about it. It’s incredibly normal, really. And there is nothing wrong with you. There never has been. You are a beautiful human being, and who you love has no damper on that.”

Regina’s breath hitches. She knows. Her grandmother knows.

“I know your mom doesn’t get it, but I do,” her grandma’s hand lands on her knee and Regina can’t stop her lip from wobbling or tears from gathering in her eyes, “You are still the granddaughter that I’ve always loved. You’re still remarkable and your mother is so so so incredibly wrong for not being able to see that.

“I love you,” she says softly, “no matter what happens. Okay?”

Regina nods, desperately wiping her tears with her fingers. She probably looks like a fucking wreck.

“And I love Janis, too,” her grandmother squeezes her knee, “Always have. You two have always been a joy to watch and I’m so glad that she’s in your life again.”

Regina smiles a little at that, voice barely there as she says, “Me too.”

Her grandmother takes her into a tight hug before she can protest it, and Regina accepts it. It feels better than she could’ve imagined, and for a moment, everything’s okay.

Joan is smoothing her hair when Kylie and Janis come out of the restaurant, Vasa following close behind.

Kylie’s quick about jumping into Regina’s lap, hugging her tightly, “You okay, Reggie?”

“Yeah, babe, I’m okay,” Regina kisses her hair, holding her even tighter, “I love you.”

Regina can feel Janis’ gaze on her, and when she looks up, their eyes meet. Janis looks concerned, but she’s smiling softly. Regina wants to imprint it forever.

“I never liked that woman,” Vasa proclaims.

Regina can’t help the laugh that comes from her because, really, she never has, either.

“How about ice cream?” he asks, “My treat? All of us.”

Regina remembers that being a constant offer in the ‘Imi’ike house. If something was going horribly wrong, ice cream. If something was going amazingly well, ice cream. If they were watching a movie? Ice cream.

“I want ice cream,” Kylie nods eagerly, “with sprinkles?”

“Oh, of course,” Vasa affirms, “as long as that’s okay with your grandmother.”

“Please, what kind of grandmother would I be if I said no to that?” Joan smiles, ruffling Kylie’s hair and standing up from her spot on the bench, “Let’s go.”

Regina stands up as well, watching as Kylie takes their grandma’s hand, and her eyes meet Janis’ again. They’ll talk later, she knows that, but for now, she feels okay.

She’s glad that Janis is around now, too.

Chapter Text

It’s nearing midnight.

Regina’s laying in Janis’ bed, under Janis’ comforter, with her head on Janis’ pillow, and she’s exhausted. Today has been completely and utterly exhausting. She’s been running through the consequences of telling her mom to fuck off for hours now, and no potential outcome is better than the last.

Janis is sitting between Regina’s legs and the wall, playing some video game that Regina didn’t get the name of. All she knows is that the music playing is soothing and that the colors are comforting.

They were supposed to talk, Regina knows that, but her thoughts are so tangled and revolving that she knows she wouldn’t be coherent right now. She just wants her thoughts to shut up long enough so that she can sleep. It’s chasing the back of her head, and she feels like she’s in some kind of fugue state as she watches the TV.

She adjusts with a sleepy breath, nuzzling her nose against the fabric of Janis’ pillowcase. Janis smells good, like flowers and the outdoors and there’s a lingering stench of paint but it doesn’t smell bad on her, and the scent is all over this room and her pillows. Regina wonders offhandedly if there’s a way she could steal a pillow, too.

Regina wants to ask Janis to lay down with her, but there’s something soothing about spending time alongside her like this. This is what Regina craves, really, existing peacefully alongside someone and appreciating their company. Optimally, they crave hers, too, but she doesn’t want to go too far. 

Janis’ hand rests on Regina’s leg when a cutscene plays. She’s not even looking at Regina, she’s watching the TV intently, but her hand is halfway down Regina’s thigh, fingers running over the material of Regina’s leggings, thumb moving in circles. Regina wonders if Janis even knows that she’s still awake or if she’s aware that she’s doing that.

It’s when her hand moves back to her controller that Regina wants to whine, ask for the physical affection back, but her voice gets caught in her throat. Something in the need feels more weighted than usual, and maybe it’s post-pissed-off clarity, but her heart thuds in her chest and she’s suddenly a lot more awake than she was previously.

She likes Janis.

The realization feels like a breath of fresh air followed by someone choking her. She can’t like Janis, not like that. She can like girls, sure, she guesses, but Janis can’t be a part of that. Things are already too complicated between the two of them. Throwing feelings into the mix is dangerous. 

She looks away from Janis, even though there’s not much to look at in the dark room aside from shadows cast by the furniture and dimly lit things on Grace’s desk. She tries closing her eyes, but the light from the TV flickers beyond her eyelids and she can’t sleep with her face in the pillow.

She knows that this isn’t a new realization, it’s something that’s been on a back burner for as long as she and Janis have been hooking up, but this is the first time that it feels real. She has real feelings for Janis, feelings beyond their fucked-up friendship and messy hookups and complicated history. 

Her thoughts all revolve around Janis. She sees Janis everywhere. Every time a sport is playing on TV, Janis. Every time she’s dropping into the student convenience stores and sees Redbulls in the fridge, Janis. Every time she enters the arts and sciences building, Janis. Every time she opens her t-shirt drawer, Janis.

She wonders if Janis thinks about her as often as she thinks about Janis. This has been a hookup for a while now, and Janis, while far too forgiving about Regina figuring herself out, hasn’t overtly shown that she likes Regina in that way.

“Hey.”

Regina realizes now that the TV is off, and the light in the room is from the lights outside.

Janis crawls up the bed, and Regina moves the comforter so that she can curl up with her. Janis slides in next to her, head landing on the pillow next to Regina’s.

“What happened to your game?” Regina asks quietly, watching in the dark as Janis adjusts herself into a more comfortable position.

“Finished the part I was on,” Janis yawns, “I thought you were asleep.”

“Nope,” Regina shifts to the side to give Janis a little more room, but Janis’ hand lands on her hip and holds her close. Regina can hear her heart thumping in her ears. She wonders if Janis can hear it, too.

Janis hums, “Clearly. How are you feeling?”

Regina shrugs. She doesn’t have any kind of coherent answer for that. Her brain feels like one of those movie theater popcorn machines, just flowing and flowing and flowing, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it. 

“Do you think your grandma was serious about having us over?” Janis asks, moving on from her previous line of questioning. Regina appreciates it.

“She definitely was,” Regina responds softly, curling into Janis’ side when she pulls her closer, “We don’t have to take her up on that, though.”

“Please, I’d love to go back to that house,” Janis says with a little laugh, “We had so much fun there. Remember when we drew on the driveway?”

Regina smiles a little, tentatively wrapping her fingers around Janis’ waist. She’s so delightfully warm, and Regina never wants to leave this spot.

“You drew Mickey Mouse like a million times,” Regina recalls softly, “and then Goofy, and Pluto… I think you got the whole cast.”

“They were the first characters that I learned to draw,” Janis whines, “I thought they looked good. Too bad we don’t have pictures.”

Regina thinks about the bag sitting on her bed in her room. That probably has photos. Maybe not of the driveway, but she wouldn’t rule it out. She remembers her grandmother stepping out of the house with ice-cold Capri Suns in her hands and her digital camera slung around her wrist.

(Regina loved that digital camera. She used to stick her finger in the shutter when she was a really little kid.)

“I’ll ask her if she took any pictures,” Regina says softly, suddenly aware of how close Janis’ face is to hers. They’re on the same pillow, it’s not surprising in that sense, but she’s aware of it. She can see Janis’ smile, even in the dark. 

“Oh, good,” Janis says softly. She sounds like she’s about to fall asleep, and Regina envies her. Her brain is too alive to sleep. Maybe she should’ve stayed in her room tonight, where things aren’t as entangled and complicated as they are here.

Not that this isn’t nice, Janis holding her like she’s something worth being held, in a room where she doesn’t feel a need to put up a front and her only concern is the woman with her, but it’s still complicated. 

But still, she closes her eyes, and listens to Janis’ breath even out, and eventually, she does the same.

-

Out of all of the things to happen this weekend, driving Janis’ father to the airport never crossed her mind until she was actively making the decision to do it.

She and Janis had gotten up half an hour prior and were planning on going to get breakfast when Janis mentioned that the Uber to get to the airport was going to cost her dad something like fifty dollars. Regina thought it was dumb and said as much, and then Janis said “If I had a car, I’d take him,” and then Regina reminded her that she has a car, and now, here they are, at Janis’ dad’s hotel.

“I should skip class tomorrow,” Janis says as they wait, “I’m tired.”

“You’re always tired,” Regina replies, tapping her steering wheel as they wait. She then glances at Janis, confused, “Wait, why are you tired? You slept like nine hours last night.”

“I mean, yeah,” Janis shrugs, “I also woke up for like two hours at three and couldn’t fucking sleep. And I can’t even blame it on you because you don’t snore. I swear to god, I checked under your nose like three times to make sure you were still alive.”

Regina ducks her head, not sure why that of all things is making her blush, but she bites the inside of her cheek and huffs out a little laugh, “It’s that bad?”

“Yes,” Janis responds, “You’re like a dead person. A cuddly dead bear.”

Regina furrows her eyebrows at that description, “That is so…”

Janis opens her door and gets out of the car, “Open the trunk?”

Regina hums, doing as asked, and watches as Janis greets her dad and they put his stuff in the trunk of Regina’s car. He’s looking at Regina like something’s wrong, and clearly, something is, something has been wrong since last night, but she’s trying to move past it.

“Thank you for the ride, Regina,” he says as he gets in the backseat and Janis settles in the passenger seat again, “You didn’t have to do this.”

“It’s nothing,” Regina assures him, double-checking her GPS before setting off.

Janis and her dad delve into a conversation that Regina’s not paying much attention to, far more focused on reading various street signs and exit signs. She hates driving around Chicago, it’s always such a fucking nightmare for no reason other than people can’t read or drive.

Regina doesn’t know exactly when it starts, but when they’re ten minutes away from the terminal that they have to drop Janis’ father off at, Regina notices that they’re no longer speaking English.

She wonders what they’re talking about seeing as Janis is tense and not turning to look at her dad anymore, but she figures that asking at this point would be nosy. Janis will just tell her later or something.

“Why does mom want me to have one so bad?” Janis finally asks, looking at her dad through the rearview mirror, “I don’t see her bitching on about Kai not having a girlfriend yet.”

“She wants you to be happy, Jay.”

Janis just grunts, and Regina smiles a little to herself at that sound. There’s something funny about the way that Janis gets when she doesn’t get her way. It’s cute. If her dad weren’t in the backseat and she weren’t driving, she’d reach over and kiss -

Woah.

Regina swallows. She needs to compose herself. She needs to calm down. Janis isn’t hers, not yet and probably not anytime soon, and she needs to not get ahead of herself.

She and Janis haven’t kissed in a week. She needs to compose herself instead of acting like a desperate and lovesick girl. She is Regina George, for fuck’s sake, she can hold herself together.

It would be nice to kiss Janis, though.

She pulls to a stop at the terminal, and Janis practically launches herself out of the car. Her father pauses, though, and leans forward, one hand on the middle console, “Keep an eye on her for us. It was nice seeing you, Regina.”

“Nice seeing you, too,” Regina responds cordially, unsure of what keep an eye on her could mean. “And I will.”

“Good,” he gently pats her shoulder, “Joan gave me her number last night, so I will get reports.”

Regina hums, amused, “I’m sure you two love that.”

He winks, “Of course. Good luck, Regina.”

“Thank you,” Regina says almost inaudibly, waiting for him to get out of the car.

She watches as Janis hugs her dad goodbye, and while not as prominent as last night, feels jealousy bloom in her stomach. Her own dad couldn’t even show up for one night (not that she’d want him to) and her mother would never be so soft with her. Especially not now. Regina hates it more than she can explain.

It’s a little longer than Regina expected, but Janis lets go of her dad and gets back in the car, misty-eyed and deflated.

“You okay?” Regina asks.

“I’m fine,” Janis huffs, “He’s an asshole. Said he’s gonna turn my room into a second garage.”

“A garage?”

“Yeah,” Janis rolls her eyes, “he’s kidding. But that’s fucked up. My legacy deserves better than that.”

Regina hums, trying to keep herself from laughing, and instead looks at Janis fully, “Do you want to stop for food on our way back?”

“You’re speaking my language,” Janis grins, a smile that takes up almost her entire face, and Regina does reach across the middle console this time, taking Janis’ hand in hers.

Janis squeezes her hand, and Regina thinks for a second that maybe it’s not that far off of a fantasy. Maybe there’s something here. Maybe something more than hookups in the shadows and smiles that Regina has to make out in the dark.

Someone honks at them and Regina’s knocked out of her stupor, but she doesn’t let go of Janis’ hand as she drives towards the highway.

(If it weren’t so scary, she’d probably never let go.)

Chapter Text

Vampire teeth are so uncomfortable and impractical and Janis cannot believe that she used to put these things in her mouth for fun.

Vampire soccer player is the best that she could come up with tonight, though, so she’s committing to the bit the best she can, taking them out and considering stomping on them every time she takes a drink.

She’s definitely a little drunk right now, with the way that her head is swimming and the room is spinning and the fact that she’s warm despite it being just above 50 degrees outside. That might also be helped by the fact that she’s wearing a long sleeve shirt under her jersey, an old one that her dad bought her a couple of years ago when she lost a bet about what team was going to win. She bets that it’s the alcohol, though.

She finally finds Regina on the stairway of this god awful frat house, sipping on her drink and talking to a boy that looks way more interested in her than she does in him. 

Regina visibly lights up when she sees Janis, and quickly dismisses the boy before tugging Janis upstairs by her wrist.

“You’re excited to see me,” Janis grins dopily, shaking her hand free so that she can take Regina’s hand instead. Regina brings them into a room and shuts the door behind them with her foot, and it’s now that Janis gets a good look at the blonde. She takes the stupid vampire teeth out and holds them in her free hand.

She’s wearing a pair of overalls with rips in the knees and only one of the straps buckled, a t-shirt under them that’s seen better days, and pieces of straw hanging out of her pockets. Her hair is done in braided pigtails, and there’s makeup on her nose to make her freckles more prominent.

“What are you?” Janis runs her fingers along one of Regina’s braids. “Pippi Longstocking? You know you’re blonde, right?”

“I’m a scarecrow, baby,” Regina responds, smiling when Janis steps into her space and using her free hand to move Janis’ hair out of her face, “what about you?”

“Really fucking gay,” Janis responds, getting up on her tiptoes so that she can bump her nose against Regina’s.

Regina is quick to kiss her, and Janis grabs on to the collar of her shirt when she does and drops the vampire teeth on a dresser in the room. She doesn’t need them anymore.

“No, Jay,” Regina whispers against her lips, “what are you dressed up as?”

“Mm, vampire soccer player,” Janis replies, stealing another kiss and enjoying the way it warms her from the inside, “You’re a bad scarecrow.”

The hand that Regina has creeping around Janis’ waist stops and she pulls back, an offended look on her face, “Why?”

“What scarecrow wears a t-shirt?” Janis asks, slinging an arm around Regina’s neck and playing with the loose baby hairs at the base of her hairline, “And where’s your hat?”

“It was a last minute costume,” Regina responds, fingers slipping under Janis’ shirts and landing on skin, “Are you telling me that you put a lot of effort into this one? Where’s your fake blood?”

“I didn’t think you’d wanna kiss me if I had fake blood,” Janis says with a little whine, trying to get back into Regina’s space again, “unless you like that? Do you have a blood kink, Regina George?”

Regina crinkles her nose in a way that only Regina George ever could, “No. I don’t want any unnecessary substances in bed. Like, some people are into food in bed? No. Too sticky.”

Janis hums, “You’re right.”

“Thank you,” Regina smiles a little, letting Janis nudge her nose with her own, “how long have you been here?”

“Like, half an hour,” Janis can feel Regina’s breaths on her face and desperately wants to kiss her again, but she likes letting Regina set the pace on nights like this.

“So, long enough where we could leave now?” Regina asks, hand creeping into the dip of Janis’ waist, making the other girl shiver. Regina’s looking at her like she’s going to eat her and Janis must be insane because she’s fully ready to let her.

“I mean, yeah,” Janis nods dumbly, “I think D would kill me, though.”

Regina gives her a look.

“Yeah, okay,” Janis presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “girlfriend trumps best friend, got it. Let’s go.”

Regina smiles, clearly pleased with herself, and Janis leads her downstairs and out of the frat house.

There are still people trying to get inside, and they both avoid eye contact from anyone as they flee from the party and head back towards the dorms.

Janis is holding on to Regina’s arm as they walk, hands wrapped around her bicep and arms curled around her forearm, and she’s leaning almost all of her weight into the blonde. Not that she seems to mind, the fingers of her opposite hand are running over Janis’ fingers, and she’s a pile of drunken giggles as they walk to the dorm building.

“I fucking hate these parties,” Regina is rambling as they get into the elevator, “What the fuck is the point? Everything is fucking sticky and loud and boys are so fucking gross. The only one who enjoys herself is Gretchen. She’s all… Jason, but like, he sucks.”

Janis nods. He does suck. The idea of telling that to Gretchen, though, sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen.

“I like what we do more,” Regina squeezes Janis’ fingers, “more fun.”

“You’re cute,” Janis hums, kissing her cheek just before the elevator doors can open.

They stumble down the hallway, and Janis forces her keys into the door.

Regina’s lips are on hers the second that the door closes behind them, and Janis is quick to undo the other strap on the stupid overalls that Regina’s wearing.

(They’re not stupid. Something about the farm lesbian aesthetic is oddly attractive, and maybe that’s because Janis’ hands are on Regina’s muscles, maybe something about that has to do with the fact that Regina’s at her fingertips and she’s drunk.)

The practically crumple around Regina’s waist in less than a second, but that doesn’t stop Regina from kissing from her lips to her jaw to below her ear to down her neck. Her fingers are toying with the bottom of Janis’ shirt, like she wants to pull it off but she’s waiting for the right second.

Regina’s lips are nearly on her throat now, and Janis’ body is on fire. She wants her clothes off yesterday.

“Reg, for fuck’s sake,” Janis whines when Regina’s fingers run over the hem of her shirt again, “Why are you taking so long?”

“You like it,” Regina’s eyes meet hers and she finally steps back enough to get Janis’ shirts off in one fell swoop. She’s not hiding her staring at Janis’ chest when she says, “Sports bra tonight?”

She sounds amused - like this is some kind of a game - and Janis swears she’s going to kill her.

“I’m a soccer player,” Janis retorts, helping Regina out of her shirt with much less grace but just as much haste. Her core pulses at the sight of the bra under Regina’s shirt - a soft pink, lacy, holding everything in place perfectly and making Janis foam at the mouth. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, that’s the intention,” Regina helps Janis out of her bra and their clothes are lost at their feet, Janis left only in her soccer shorts and Regina in her bra and underwear, having kicked the overalls off to some part of the room that they’ll definitely have to deal with before Grace gets back tomorrow.

Regina gets Janis on the bed first, and Janis waits until Regina’s on it with her before getting the blonde underneath her and straddling her waist. She leans over, lips hovering over Regina’s, “Your time’s up, babe.”

“You think I’m scared of your tiny ass?” Regina asks, eyes aflame with excitement and a smirk played on her perfect lips.

Janis kisses it off of her, sliding one of her thighs between Regina’s and feeling Regina’s breath hitch. The shift in power is almost delicious, and Janis uses it to her advantage, pressing her leg higher.

Regina moans into her mouth, whining, “Do something.”

“Oh, sorry, am I not moving fast enough for you?” Janis asks, unable to help the smile on her face.

She yelps when Regina pinches her ass over her shorts. She looks to Regina for some kind of explanation, but all she can find is faux sympathy.

“Do something,” Regina repeats, “or I’ll have to kill you and make it look like an accident.”

Janis kisses her quickly, “Fine. But, you know, patience is a virtue.”

“So is kindness.”

Janis rolls her eyes. Her fingers dance over the waistline of Regina’s panties, and Janis holds Regina’s jaw with her other hand.

“Baby, sit up a little,” Janis whispers, waiting for Regina to do as asked before taking off her bra, “Thank you.”

It’s insane how they’ve been hooking up for two months and Janis still has to fight to not foam at the mouth when she sees Regina. The woman is endlessly beautiful and Janis doesn’t know what she did to deserve this privilege. If Regina were a more patient person - if Janis were a smidge more patient - she’d spend the night kissing all over Regina’s body. She still might.

She presses a kiss to Regina’s lips again, tasting the remnants of the drink that she was nursing on her lips and tongue as she runs her hands over Regina’s breasts.

Regina whines into the kiss, and Janis knows that she’ll start complaining again if she doesn’t start making more progress.

Janis cups the front of Regina’s panties, almost moaning herself when she realizes how wet Regina is, and pulls back from her lips. She trails kisses down Regina’s neck and chest, taking a little extra time to kiss Regina’s breasts and the tattoo on her ribcage as she helps Regina out of her panties.

“What do you want?” Janis asks, glancing up at Regina.

“Literally anything,” Regina whimpers when Janis runs a gentle finger along her hip bone, “Baby.”

“Literally anything,” Janis repeats, using that same hand to trace the insides of Regina’s thigh, just barely missing exactly what the blonde wants. Regina’s knuckles are white against the sheets and pride swells in Janis’ chest. 

She wastes no more time and runs her fingers through Regina’s folds before sliding two fingers inside of her in one swift motion, gently pushing in and out and pressing kisses all around Regina’s chest. She probably won’t be able to go out in anything less than a hoodie for a week, but Janis is okay with that. There’s a part of her that wants people to know that Regina George is off limits. This woman is hers.

It’s a bout of protectiveness and possessiveness that Janis isn’t used to attributing with this relationship, but when she’s drunk, the feeling bubbles to the surface and claws at her ribs. Regina George is hers, right?

She swallows the thoughts, focusing instead on bringing Regina to her climax. That’s what she’s here for, right?

“Jay, oh my fucking god,” Regina whimpers, “I’m so…”

Janis slows her pace a little and the blonde’s eyes fly open, glaring hard at her, “Janis…”

“Patience is a virtue, pretty girl,” Janis kisses her harder this time, memorizing this moment one last time. She speeds up again before whispering, “Come, baby.”

Janis almost comes with her, body aflame from just watching, but she doesn’t. She instead watches Regina closely, using her clean hand to stroke Regina’s hair out of her face and slowly pulling out.

She waits until Regina calms down a bit, peace clearly settled in her bones, bliss in her eyes, and kisses her again.

“Good?” Janis asks softly.

“Extremely,” Regina’s hand lands on the waistband of Janis’ shorts, “Roll over, baby. Your turn.”

Janis hums, lost for words and still far too turned on, and lays back on the bed as Regina settles between her legs.

There’s something so perfect about her here - hair tousled, the warm light of the room cascading over her skin, eyes soft and somehow still so alive, hands dancing on Janis’ thighs - and Janis swears that she thinks she’s falling in love.

She shakes the thought off, chalking it up to some drunk dramatics, and refocuses on the fact that Regina’s helping her out of her shorts. She’s never felt exposed around Regina. Regina’s always good with her, easing any of her discomforts by being hot or even teasing her, and this time is no different.

“You were so good to me, baby,” Regina’s voice is dripping with something that sets Janis’ skin on fire once again, “do you mind if I return the favor?”

“Please,” Janis’ voice comes out quieter than she thought, but Regina hums an acknowledgment anyway.

Janis can hear her heart pounding in her ears. It feels like she’s burning with need. She doesn’t know how she’s gone from existential crisis to unbelievably horny in a matter of seconds, but she blames Regina George. It’s the right thing to do.

The Regina George Effect. There; now it has a name.

The breath is knocked out of her when she feels Regina’s mouth on her. She’s sucking on her clit and her fingers are teasing at Janis’ entrance, and Janis has never been so close to seeing stars as in this moment.

“Fuck, G,” Janis whines into her pillow, hoping to god that no one’s in the hallways, “Fuck. Fuck, please, more of that.”

Regina doesn’t let up for even a second, and Janis tumbles over the edge twice before she slows to a stop, her hand rubbing gentle circles on Janis’ hip as she cleans her up.

“You okay?”

Janis opens her eyes and Regina’s next to her, and Janis nods dumbly.

“You’re insane,” is all she can come up with, and Regina smiles proudly.

Regina kisses her and all Janis can taste is herself, but that’s not a problem. Anything tastes good on Regina, and Janis will never question Regina’s costume choice again so long as this is the outcome.

All that matters right now, though, is that she’s with Regina, in a bed away from the world, and she’s not going anywhere.

Chapter Text

If Janis doesn’t think too hard about it, she could say with confidence that she’s falling in love with Regina.

However, one of her special skills is overthinking, and that’s exactly what she finds herself doing as she lays in bed, tracing her fingers over Regina’s shoulder and counting her breaths.

She doesn’t really understand how this all happened. She and Regina have a friends-with-benefits kind of disaster going on. They’re in classes together, they share a friend group, and they don’t have feelings for one another.

Sure, Janis has thought about the fact that she has defrosting feelings about Regina, but she thought that she shut those away enough. Clearly, she was wrong. Her feelings for Regina feel like more now. They’re louder. They’re tangled and abrasive and confusing.

There’s a part of her that screams that this could all be simple, and at the surface, Janis thinks they are. She loves Regina. She’s pretty sure that she was engineered this way, to find Regina, to love Regina. Especially when nobody in her family can be bothered enough to do so, except for her saint of a grandmother. 

Loving Regina is simple. Making sure she’s taken care of is simple (so long as it’s in the confines of her room), knowing what the pull in her face means is simple, spending time together is simple, everything about it is simple - except for the fact that it’s all entirely too complicated.

Regina craves touch, but only when they’re alone. When they’re in public, Janis is limited to pulling her by the wrist or kicking her under tables (which makes her smile every time, even if the reaction isn’t immediate, and it’s in that way where her eyes soften and her smirk grows and Janis knows that the woman is plotting something). Kylie is always an acceptable topic around Janis and their friends, but she doesn’t like talking about Kylie when they’re out and partying. She doodles in the corners of all of her notebooks, most of the time different flowers but other times random articles of clothing for whatever reason.

Regina has things. Things that Janis has noticed, that she’s kept tucked away in a Regina George folder in her brain, things that have had her falling in love with this blonde enigma more and more. It’s something that Janis doesn’t know what to do with.

So, she’s deduced that she’ll lay here, waiting for the sun to rise, insanity from a lack of sleep clawing at her brain, and Regina tucked into her side until everything’s okay again.

And, even if it isn’t, this is the way to delude herself into thinking that it will be, that’s for sure.

Something sticking to the side of her brain in the last couple of days has been the fact that Regina’s birthday is coming up. Janis doesn’t know if she’s supposed to do something for that. They’re not girlfriends, they were barely even friends until maybe a month ago even though they’d been hooking up, and sure, Regina ends up in her bed more nights than either one of them is willing to admit, but it’s not something that they talk about.

Janis moves a piece of hair off of Regina’s eyebrow, marveling at how her face twitches but she remains asleep as the hair falls again. Regina’s wearing one of her t-shirts right now, an insistence she made after shuddering about how cold it was outside.

(Janis selfishly wonders when she’ll be able to take one of Regina’s, stake her claim over the girl and show everyone that she’s off-limits, but she doubts that that will ever happen.)

She reminds herself that Regina isn’t hers and grabs her phone off of the nightstand, frustrated that it only reads 5:36am.

Janis rubs at her eye with the heel of her hand and puts her phone back down. She then tosses that arm around Regina, smiling a little when Regina’s hand moves on her waist.

Maybe they’re not girlfriends, but this is enough for now, right?

Janis doesn’t even realize that she’s fallen asleep again until she’s waking up to Regina moving around on the bed and tucking Janis in.

“Where are you going?” Janis whines, taking a fistful of the blonde’s shirt, “Stay.”

“I have to pee,” Regina responds, putting the blanket around her shoulders, “I’ll be back.”

Janis huffs, but buries her face in her pillows again anyway and painstakingly counts the minutes until Regina returns, this time in a pair of PJ pants that she definitely stopped by her room to grab and her water bottle in hand.

“Hey,” Regina closes the door behind herself and locks it. Janis smiles when Regina gets on the bed again, sitting and running her fingers through Janis’ hair, “You sleep well?”

“Good enough,” Janis responds sleepily, “I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk.”

Janis feels the way that Regina’s hand stops for a second and suddenly wakes all the way up, “What?”

Now, Regina looks confused, “What?”

“What did I do? What did I say?” Janis is nervous now. She doesn’t normally do dumb shit while she’s drunk, but some could argue that getting drunk and hooking up with her ex best friend is pretty dumb shit. “Reg. What happened?”

“Nothing,” Regina shakes her head, shifting completely and retreating her head, “Move over. I want to lay down.”

“What happened?” Janis asks again, sitting up in bed, “Come on, talk to me. What did I do?”

“Nothing,” Regina insists again, not meeting Janis’ eyes.

Janis crinkles her eyebrows, frustrated. What did she do last night? What did she say?

She tries to roll back through the night. She remembers getting dressed and unpacking the vampire teeth in Damian and Shane’s room and gawking at how they dug into her gums and hurt her jaw. She remembers heading to the party with Damian and Shane, and thinking the entire time about how excited she was to see Regina in her costume. She remembers getting a couple of drinks. She remembers losing a game of beer pong against Gretchen, and how the half of their soccer team that was in attendance was surprised that Gretchen won, even though she was clearly more drunk than Janis.

She remembers wanting to find Regina after that. Running around the corner of the kitchen and then to the front door before turning on her heel, fully determined in her drunk stupor to search every cranny of the house if she had to.

But then, Regina, perfectly on the landing of the stairs, talking to a handsy boy. Regina pulling her into a bedroom, them kissing in said bedroom, faces pressed together, Regina’s alcohol-stained breath on Janis’ skin…

“Girlfriend trumps best friend, got it. Let’s go.”

Janis’ stomach turns, “Is this about the girlfriend thing?”

Regina shakes her head, “Jay, not right now, please? I’m still tired.”

“No, come on,” Janis’ hand lands on Regina’s knee, “I’m sorry, we haven’t talked about that, I wouldn’t want to overstep a boundary-”

“Oh, my god, Janis, let it go,” Regina says, her voice coming out snippy. Janis hates it. “You were drunk.”

“Yeah, but like,” Janis pulls at her thumb, “That doesn’t… negate anything. I do… like, kinda have feelings for you.”

“Kinda have feelings for me?” Regina looks like she can’t believe the words that are coming out of Janis’ mouth.

“I do! I do. I have feelings… for you.”

Janis feels like she’s panicking now. The moment that she’s been trying to avoid is here, kind of, and Regina’s showing no sign of reciprocating anything. “Come on, what can I do to help this? Do you want a big gay confession? I can do that. I’m good at that.”

Regina’s looking at Janis like she has three heads and Janis doesn’t know what to do with that. If there’s a rulebook on how to confess to a friend with benefits that’s also her ex best friend that she’s broken the one rule - having feelings - then she’d appreciate it right now.

“I get it,” Janis’ mouth starts moving before she can even think about it, “this is a lot for one morning. We just woke up. Just… uh, forget this happened? We can go back to sleep and everything can go back to normal. Whatever.”

Regina’s still staring. Janis wonders offhandedly if smacking her across the face would serve as some sort of factory reset.

(She would never. But it is a question.)

“Regina, please, say something.”

She wants to reach across for some sort of physical reassurance, but Regina’s prickly, and she doesn’t want to scare her off right now.

“This can’t happen,” Regina says slowly, like she’s piecing it together as she says it, “you know that, right?”

“What do you mean?” Janis asks, furrowing her eyebrows, “Us being a thing?”

“Yeah,” Regina nods, “We can’t… I can’t be that for you.”

“You kind of are,” Janis responds, “I mean, what is this, then? It’s basically a relationship without the labels.”

Regina’s shoulders tighten, “Janis…”

“Do you like me?” Janis blurts out, “Like, like that? In the gay way?”

Regina takes a sharp breath, eyes aflame with something that Janis can’t decipher.

“Regina.”

“I-” Regina presses her lips together, “I do. We can’t do this, though. This isn’t… I mean, what is this? I can’t give you more than what we have right now. I can’t do the public thing. I can’t do dates or… I can’t be a girlfriend, Janis. I can’t have a girlfriend.”

“Who cares?” Janis exclaims, catching herself off guard by the intensity behind it, “Seriously. Who cares, Reg? Your mom? The same drunk one that made a scene at dinner because Karen talked about a girl that she’s going out with? Who gives a shit? She’s not here, and even if she was, fuck her, she’s a bitch! No one cares about who you’re dating!”

“It’s not about me!” Regina retorts, “If she was my only obstacle, I’d have this shit figured out by now! But it’s not about her! It’s about Kylie, and it’s about me, and it’s my fucking process and you can’t dictate when I should or shouldn’t come out.”

Janis takes a breath, “I don’t want to dictate anything.”

Regina scowls, “You basically told me who gives a fuck and that I should prance around with rainbows shooting out of my ass and a strap on attached to my forehead for all to see.”

Janis is silent for a moment, taking in that visual, and it takes her a second longer than expected to put together a coherent thought.

“I’m sorry,” Janis’ voice softens, “it’s just… you put all of this pressure on yourself to appear a certain way, but have you ever tried just being? Just existing as you are? Even without whatever the fuck we have going on… you put on this performance for everyone and you can never seem to just be.”

Janis wants to add on that she thinks that she’s the only one that ever sees Regina unfiltered, but an insecurity tugs in her gut that maybe even this Regina isn’t the real Regina. Is there a real Regina?

“You don’t have to be someone else, Reg,” Janis tries, “and I know that just be you sounds corny, but it’s the best way to be.”

“Being me would mean I never see Ky again,” Regina shakes her head, “It’s not something I want to risk right now.”

Janis can’t help but feel a little dumbfounded, “So then what, we just do whatever the fuck this is? Hooking up at parties and having feelings and not doing anything about that?”

“I don’t understand why you suddenly want more than that,” Regina says, “This has all worked out pretty well so far, why mess with success?”

Because I think I’m falling in love with you sits at the tip of Janis’ tongue, but she doesn’t say it. Regina sure as hell wouldn’t respond well to that.

“Whatever,” Janis says disjointedly, eyes falling to her lap, “You’re right. I’m sorry about the slip-up last night. It won’t happen again.”

Regina doesn’t say anything, and the tension in the air could be cut with a knife.

Something has shifted. Janis doesn’t know what to think of it.

Regina leaves not too long after, disappearing like she’d never been there in the first place, and Janis spends more time in bed than she should, contemplating all the ways in which this could’ve gone.

She hates that she didn’t remember calling Regina her girlfriend.

And she hates even more that she still wants to call Regina her girlfriend.

Chapter Text

After a bad morning with Regina followed by a bad day losing a game followed by a bad Sunday where she caught up on all of her homework, Janis is done.

Regina won’t so much as look at her, and Janis hates that she opened her stupid drunk mouth and uttered the one word that she fully knew was off-limits. They’re not girlfriends. They’re barely even friends. Janis must have been a fool to think that barely audible confessions meant anything.

So, when a couple of days pass without any word, Janis fully decides that she’s done. She’s done hooking up with Regina in the shadows, she’s done with keeping the blonde as some secret, she’s done with dancing around their friends and trying not to trip bombs.

She spends longer in the gym than necessary, she works tirelessly on her art for her classes in some hope of shutting her mind up, and she avoids every location that Regina frequents as much as humanly possible. She knows that the whole ordeal isn’t exactly sane behavior, but she’s lost all shits to give on that front.

Avoiding the dorm building is how she ends up on the field late in the afternoon on Thursday, a week since that cursed night, playing one-on-one against one of her teammates.

Alex is a well-respected junior on their team. She’s around the same size as Janis but with four times as much muscle (Janis blames it on her genetics) and a focused, eagle eye that Janis envies on a regular basis.

However, spite is a bitch and Janis is playing with a lot of that behind her. It helps that they’re blasting music; at one point, Femininomenon by Chappell Roan was playing, and now, 3am by Halsey.

She came today wearing a long-sleeved shirt under her Northwestern Women’s Soccer shirt and her soccer shorts, but she’s since shed the soccer shirt and rolled up the sleeves of her long-sleeve. Baby hairs stick to her forehead from how much she’s sweating and her legs ache from how aggressively she’s playing.

(At least she’s not thinking about Regina, right?)

Janis nails a shot to the goal, and grabs her water while Alex grabs the ball and resets, but Alex never puts the ball back down, instead giving Janis a look, “‘Imi’ike, what is up with you?”

“Thirsty,” Janis puts her water bottle down, “Again?”

“No, dude, you’re like, angry,” Alex responds, hugging the ball to her stomach, “You’ve been like this all week.”

“It’s nothing,” Janis insists, shaking her head, “Come on. Can we go again, please? We’re tied up.”

Alex makes a face like she wants to say something more, but doesn’t, and drops the ball to the ground on the out-of-bounds line, “If I get a goal, you answer my questions.”

“If you get a goal,” Janis responds, blowing a piece of hair out of her face as she lines up across from Alex, watching closely for her to start the game again.

“Please,” Alex mutters.

They’re back at it within seconds, and Janis tries her hardest to stay on her, but she’s tired and she knows that she’s tired. She’ll be lucky if she makes it to the showers before crashing in her bed and even luckier if she holds off Alex for more than a couple of minutes.

But of course, luck isn’t on her side, and Alex gets past her at the perfect angle to get the ball in the goal. It even hits the net dead-center. It’s practically art in and of itself.

Well. Janis surmises she tried.

“Alright, deal’s a deal,” Alex says when Janis comes back with the ball, “Why are you in such a mood?”

“Long, complicated story,” Janis replies, eyes fixed on the soccer ball at her feet, “Lesbianism is a curse, that’s all.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Alex asks, kicking lightly at the ball with the toe of her cleat, “You liked her?”

Janis shrugs, “I don’t know. She’s… a lot. I don’t know why I tried to delude myself into thinking that it would work out. She’s not even out. Whatever. It’s nothing. Can we keep going, please?”

Alex looks like she wants to add something, but she nods, and they set to start again. Janis gets a goal this time. Her jaw hurts from clenching her teeth so hard.

They wrap up not too long after, and head back towards the locker rooms while Alex rambles about a recent date that she went on. Something about the boy having a piece of something stuck to his lip for most of the night, not exactly respecting the waiter that tended to them, typical boy shit. 

“I wonder how many closeted girls there are,” Alex hums as they get back to the building, “Gotta be a bunch, there’s no way the sapphic dating pool is that small.”

“Oh, there’s a way,” Janis says with a humorless huff, “do you know how many girls I run into and think oh, girl, you like women and then they go on to tell me about their boring boyfriends? My gaydar isn’t that off, I know some of these girls like women and just don’t get it.”

“…are you talking about Gretchen?” Alex asks after a minute.

Janis snorts, “Yeah. Straight as a fucking circle. Swear to god, the second she breaks up with that man, I’m introducing her to the concept of lesbianism.”

“I really thought she and Karen were dating when I met them,” Alex says with a little laugh, “Boy was I fucking wrong.”

“Karen has a girlfriend now, from the sounds of it,” Janis shrugs, pulling open the door to the locker room and shifting her bag on her shoulder.

“So then where is my wife?” Alex asks, walking ahead when Janis holds the door open for her, twirling around on her heel and pointing to herself, “I am right here.”

“She’s coming, I’m sure,” Janis replies, dropping her bag on one of the benches and sighing, “I think I’m gonna go back to the dorm and sleep for ten years.”

“I don’t think the dorms would appreciate that,” Alex says with a laugh, shedding her shirt and pulling on an old sweatshirt with her high school across the chest.

Janis hums, rifling through her bag for the travel shampoo and conditioner she keeps in there. She’ll shower here, and then go to the dorms and crash. It’s a solid plan, especially being that she’s done with her homework for the most part and her limbs all feel like lead.

“Want me to wait for you?” Alex asks, freeing her hair of its ponytail.

“You can if you want,” Janis shrugs, grabbing her fresh set of clothes from the locker, “Isn’t your apartment a bit far, though?”

“Nothing crazy,” Alex follows her towards the showers and sinks, citing that she needs to wash her face.

Janis turns the corner to the showers, and her jaw nearly drops to the floor when two people step out of one of the showers. The rest of the stalls are open, but these two clearly weren’t just showering in there.

A blind rage comes over her when she clocks who the man is - Jason Weems.

She’s going to fucking kill this man. He’s cheating on Gretchen. In public. Like the fucking pig he is. Janis swears that she’s going to fucking kill him.

“You’re cheating on her?” Janis exclaims, “She’s given you everything and you’re fucking someone else? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I wasn’t-”

The girl next to him gapes, “You told me that you guys broke up!”

“We’re going to-”

“You’re such a sorry excuse of a man,” Janis clenches one of her fists.

Maybe if she were having a better week, she wouldn’t react so strongly. Maybe if Gretchen were with any other man, one not as disgusting and stupid and fucking annoying, she would have more rational words in this moment. Maybe, if Regina were willing to like her back, she wouldn’t feel like a live wire waiting to strike.

Maybe, she wouldn’t lunge forward when Jason says; “Well, she was annoying me. What did she expect me to do?”

Janis’ fist connects with his jaw before she can stop herself, and it’s only when she jumps back to cradle her hand that she realizes what she’s done.

“You bitch!” Jason cries out, holding his jaw, “I’m going to fucking sue you!”

“You deserved that,” the girl rolls her eyes, clearly over him.

Janis stares, speechless. He’s just holding his jaw with one of his hands, eyes pissed off like he’s about to pounce himself. Janis can’t believe that she just punched him.

Alex comes around the corner not two seconds later, chin still dripping with water, “What the fuck is going on?”

“She fucking punched me!” Jason throws a hand in Janis’ direction as if to prove his point, which she only barely misses, “Your soccer career is done, ‘Imi’ike!”

“Woah,” Alex glares at him, “Are you fucking cheating on Gretchen?”

“He told me that they broke up already. I guess not,” the girl huffs, and Janis swears that if she says that again, she’s going to throw herself in a food processor. 

“Okay, you, go,” Alex waves the girl off and she scoffs before following the instruction and disappearing into another part of the locker room, “You can’t sue her if she didn’t actually fucking hurt you, dipshit.”

“My jaw hurts!”

“Bruises heal, shut the fuck up,” Alex rolls her eyes, “and if you even think of speaking a word of this to anyone, I swear to fucking god I’ll get a team of girls that you have pissed off over the years and get your ass off of the lacrosse team and then off of this campus so fucking fast.”

He scowls and opens his mouth to speak again, but Alex holds a finger up, “Ah. Not a fucking word. You’re still in the girls’ locker room. Get the fuck out.”

He disappears without another word and Alex’s eyes are immediately on Janis.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Janis says quietly, still holding her hand tenderly. She didn’t think she was going to punch him. Why does punching have to hurt so badly? She shouldn’t have punched him, she could’ve risked her spot on the team, or worse, her scholarship. And then her mother would probably kill her.

“You’ve said that so many times today that I’m having a hard time believing you,” Alex responds, outstretching one of her hands, “Show me your fist?”

Janis obliges, wincing when she outstretches her fingers. It’s not a bad pain, but it’s definitely going to be sore for a couple of hours. She’s so fucking stupid.

“You’re gonna be okay, ‘Imi’ike,” Alex pulls her into a hug, “Don’t do that shit, though. It’s never worth it.”

Janis hums. She knows.

“Take a shower. I’ll wait for you and make sure you get back to your dorm okay, alright?” Alex squeezes her shoulder and all Janis has in her is another hum.

If she wasn’t tired before, she definitely is now.

It’s a blur getting back to the dorms, and she goes to sleep as soon as Alex is gone.

She wakes up around 2am to her phone buzzing with goodnight texts from her mom, and groans. It’s dark in the room, except for her extension cord’s little blue light in the corner of the room, and her mouth tastes like garbage. 

Janis checks through some of her other notifications. There’s nothing from Regina - figures -, there’s a couple from Damian asking where she is, the most recent coming in twenty minutes ago in the form of a TikTok link, an updated picture of the car that Janis’ dad and brother are working on from her brother (it still looks ugly), and a slew of texts in the soccer group chat about Jason.

Janis ignores those. She almost thought that that was some weird nightmare.

Janis texts her mom back a goodnight, almost immediately resulting in her phone lighting up with a call from her.

“What are you doing up so late?”

“Lovely to hear from you, too,” Janis says, clearing her throat when she realizes how awful she sounds, “I just woke up.”

Her mother hums knowingly, “Busy day?”

“No, uh,” Janis debates whether she should tell her mom anything about what’s going on, “just studying. My sleep schedule’s all fucked up. How are you?”

“Much the same,” her mother says softly, “Kai and your dad want to repaint the car. I told them that professionals exist to do that for a reason, but they’re convinced that they can pull it off.”

“I really thought that they were going to make it to Christmas before they went insane,” Janis says, moving to sit up on her bed. She leans against the wall, shivering when she feels how cold it is. She’d never run into this problem with Regina.

Stop thinking about Regina, she reminds herself.

“… debating the steering wheel. I didn’t even know that that’s up for discussion,” her mother is rambling and Janis hums every couple of sentences to show any kind of acknowledgment, but she doesn’t really hang on to any of her mother’s words.

“Only a couple more weeks until break, right?”

That makes Janis’ ears perk up, “Yeah. Whole week, here, by myself. I’m sure it’s going to be a ghost town.”

“Your father said that you and Regina are talking again, maybe you can spend some time with her? Since she’ll be local,” her mother suggests.

“Maybe,” Janis says softly, unconvinced. Regina’s probably going to turn into husbanded mush some day and Janis will just have to hope that some part of her personality remains. Optimally, all parts, but Janis doubts it.

“Honey, are you okay?” her mother asks. Her tone is too gentle. Janis hates it.

“I’m fine,” Janis says for the twelfth time today, “Promise.”

Her mother makes a noise like she’s not all that convinced herself, but she doesn’t press any further.

By the time Janis gets off the phone, she’s exhausted again and barely feeling any better. At least her home life is somewhat normal, even with the car. Her father and brother really need to get back to making surfboards, though. Way less expensive.

She rolls back into her bed, missing her human blanket more than should, and buries her face in her pillows.

Tomorrow’s a new day. Right?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Chapter Text

Before coming to this godforsaken school, Regina had tucked Janis away into a little box in the back of her brain. She never touched the box, barely took the time to wipe the dust off if she could help it, but she knew it was there. All the box contained was some memories that hurt like an old bruise and the last remnants of the carefree child that she once got to be before she realized that girls are pretty and boys have cooties.

But then, she came back, and the box was reopened, made bigger, and left open in the middle of the room, constantly acquiring new things, and now, it’s bursting. It’s more than a box now, and Regina needs that to end so that she can close it and tuck it away again and maybe drop it in an incinerator this time.

The unfortunate truth is, though, she misses Janis. Regina misses Janis. It’s only been a week, and Regina’s having a hard time without her. She misses sleeping in Janis’ bed. She misses waking up earlier than Janis and listening to her heart beat in her chest. She misses studying with Janis next to her and silently timing when Janis’ focus would start to waver. She misses the pungent scent of Janis’ Redbull next to her in class and how she would gently start tapping Regina’s foot with her own when she was bored.

The hard part, though, is that letting Janis back in would involve something that she’s not exactly ready to admit. Letting Janis back in, at this point, would mean feelings are officially involved, feelings that would confirm that she’s a lesbian, feelings that would confirm that she’s falling faster for Janis than she ever thought capable, feelings that she knows have been happening for months, maybe even years, all of which would now be marked as real.

Regina doesn’t know if she’ll ever be ready to accept that.

So, things have shifted in a non-subtle way. Janis spends more time away from the group than with them. Janis has found somewhere else to sit in their English lecture. Janis avoids lunch and dinner with the group and rarely makes it to breakfast. Everyone’s confused, but Regina doesn’t have a concrete explanation to give and they know better than to ask.

It’s not lost on Regina that them falling apart is bigger than the two of them, though. When they stopped talking in middle school, it was a localized issue. It existed between them and them only. This time, it’s interrupting Janis’ friendship with Regina’s suite mates, and her suite mates’ friendship with Janis and to some extent, Damian. Regina knows that he’s trying to play some kind of middle ground, but everything feels wrong without Janis.

But today, Regina spent some time working on her homework outside of the dorm, hiding in the corners of the library where no one will find her, and after calling it quits on that, she got dinner at Shane’s dad’s restaurant. It’s further off campus than she’d normally go, but his dad is nice and always treats her well. He also doesn’t ask a lot of questions, which Regina appreciates.

She left a good tip, she always does, and is now on her way back to campus.

Her birthday is in a couple of days, and aside from a message from her grandmother about her having to visit that day, she doesn’t have anything planned. She was hoping to spend the day with Janis, but that’s definitely off the table now.

Nineteen also feels like a bizarre age. A year into adulthood, but still not able to drink legally. She’s thought that maybe she could join the army if things here really go sideways, but she knows that she’d piss someone off eventually, and her mother would hate it.

Janis’ voice rings in her head at that - saying so strongly “Who gives a shit?” - and she doesn’t know what to think. She’s wondered if her mom is the “hate the sin, love the sinner” type, that if she just doesn’t “act gay” (whatever that means) in front of her, she won’t lose Kylie, but she’s not stupid. She’s seen the disapproving glares when she visits. She knows that her mom is signing Kylie up for stuff to keep her out of the house and so that Regina has less opportunities to see her. 

Maybe she should’ve gone to NYU, she thinks as she pulls up to the student parking lot. She parks her car in its designated spot and grabs her bag, tired. At least she can go to bed. It’s nearing 8 o’clock, and by the time she gets up to the dorms and showers and settles in, it’ll be a reasonable time to go to bed. 

Regina heads to the building, pulling her coat a little tighter as she walks. It’ll never cease to frustrate Regina that she was born in November yet can’t handle the cold for shit. 

Janis keeps her warm.

(She needs to stop thinking about Janis.)

Regina unlocks the door to her suite once she’s upstairs, and she’s surprised to see her suite mates all on the couch in the common room.

Cady’s sitting on one of the arm chairs, a concerned look writ all over her face, glasses pushed up on her head, and in PJs. Karen’s got her arms around Gretchen, holding her in a way that feels about as platonic as what’s going on between her and Janis. She’s also in PJs, and so is Gretchen. Regina feels like a sore thumb.

It’s obvious from her face that Gretchen’s been crying, and Regina’s lost for a minute on what she should do. Does she ask? She’s made a clear boundary of not asking about their shit if so long as they don’t ask about hers, but this feels like some kind of exception to the rule.

“Someone punched Jason,” Cady explains.

Regina nods, a little dumbfounded. Something aches in her chest. Something else in her wants to ask if he deserved it, but she doesn’t know what the delicate way of asking that is.

“He was cheating on me,” Gretchen says, sounding absolutely heartbroken.

“Oh,” Regina’s voice is soft, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Regina wishes she could’ve been there. She would’ve punched that motherfucker too. She hasn’t ever liked him.

Instead of saying anything more, she tentatively hangs up her coat and drops her bag by the empty arm chair in the room before sitting down, “Are there, uh, more details?”

“He texted Gretch an hour ago saying that they were breaking up,” Cady says, like she’s already analyzed the situation from all angles, “We couldn’t figure out why, but then someone on the soccer team sent out a text about him leaving the locker rooms with this huge bruise on his jaw. Whoever punched him did a good job.”

“So, no one knows who punched him?” Regina asks, surprised. That kind of information used to spread like wildfire at North Shore. The few times that the douchebags were punched, the punchers were heroes.

“No clue,” Karen speaks up, “I’d buy them dinner.”

“Karen, you have a girlfriend,” Gretchen says softly, “She’d probably think that you’re cheating on her.”

“Okay, then you buy them dinner,” Karen responds, “Since you’re single now.”

Gretchen whimpers.

“Sorry, Gretch.”

Regina swallows. Janis told her that she should try with them. She just has to try, right?

“He sounds like a bitch,” Regina offers, voice a little shakier than she’d like. She presses on, “He’s… I don’t understand why he’d cheat on you. You’ve been nothing but good to him, so if he can’t appreciate that, it sucks, but it’s probably for the better that you’re broken up.”

The eyes on her make her skin crawl. Maybe she should’ve said nothing. Maybe she should’ve not come home tonight, even though she knows she would’ve received some sort of where are you text from Cady. Maybe she should’ve-

“Regina’s right,” Karen squeezes Gretchen’s shoulders, “and I’ve never liked him. He smells like old cheese.”

“Karen,” Gretchen whines, a little smile growing on her face, “He didn’t smell like cheese.”

“He didn’t smell good!” Karen insists, looking to Cady and Regina for help. Regina bites her tongue, not wanting to say anything insane. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to handle accidentally outing herself tonight. “I know I’m dating a girl, but I’ve liked boys in the past. He’s not one of the good ones, Gretch.”

None of them are, Regina thinks spitefully.

“He was also ugly,” Cady says, crinkling her nose, “and not nice in the way that Karen’s girlfriend is. Oh, Regina, Faith brought us cookies, they’re in our fridge.”

Regina hums. She’s yet to meet Faith aside from one very drunk and very hasty introduction, but Karen likes her, and everyone that’s spent an extended amount of time with her seems to as well.

“How about we have a movie night?” Karen suggests, “To get your mind off of everything? We can watch The Devil Wears Prada.”

Regina twists one of her rings, some kind of frustrated feeling building in her gut. She doesn’t know where it’s from, or where to place it, or why it even exists. It’s like jealousy, but she can’t understand why.

“What’s The Devil Wears Prada?” Cady asks. Regina wishes that she could say she’s surprised, but she probably couldn’t list five pop culture things that Cady has understood in the short time of knowing her.

“Oh my god, Cady,” Karen almost squeals, “You have to see it! It’s amazing. Gretch, come on, baby, now you have to say yes! We can’t have Cady not knowing.”

“You’ve never seen it?” Gretchen asks, wiping her face. Her eyes are still puffy, but she looks more interested in whatever the hell this conversation is. Regina feels like she’s on the outside of it.

“It’s a movie?” Cady’s eyebrows raise, “about what? What’s Prada?”

Oh. My. God.

“We have so much to educate you on,” Karen’s practically buzzing now, but her focus breaks for a split second and her eyes land on Regina. Regina feels even worse when Karen gets a little quieter, “Are you going to join us?”

“I…” Regina’s sure that she looks like a deer in headlights, “I have to shower…”

Gretchen’s face falls a little bit. Regina’s pretty sure that she sees the light in Karen’s eyes dim. Regina’s never felt so confused in her life. Do they actually want her?

“After?” Regina tries to amend, “Once, I’m like, in PJs and whatever. You guys can start without me, I’ve seen The Devil Wears Prada like… four times.”

“We’ll wait,” Karen says, waiting for the others to agree before nodding proudly, “We’ll wait. Promise. We can eat the cookies that Faith brought, too, and make popcorn!”

“Yeah,” Gretchen leans into Karen’s side, “I like that.”

With a plan now in place, Regina excuses herself to go take a shower, feeling a little bit more optimistic about her odds here.

-

The next morning, Regina wakes up a bit later than she’d like for her class, but it’s not such a bad thing. She had a good night.

She and her suite mates actually spent time together and it wasn’t miserable. They watched The Devil Wears Prada, they watched the first twenty minutes of Titanic before deciding that it wasn’t the vibe and turning on A Simple Favor, they giggled, they snacked, and they had a good night. Regina was quieter than she probably should’ve been, but it was nice to feel involved, even if only on a surface level.

There’s still that underlying weird feeling in her gut, but she’s ignoring it. She needs the win too badly.

After getting dressed for one of her two classes of the day, Regina heads down to the bathrooms to brush her teeth and fix her hair into something a bit more manageable. There aren’t too many people around, and Regina, having decided that she’ll grab food after her class, moseys about her business.

She’s in the midst of brushing her teeth when the bathroom door opens and Janis comes through.

They catch each other’s eyes in the mirror, but Regina quickly averts her gaze and finishes up and Janis disappears into one of the stalls. Regina hates how suddenly thrown off she feels. This Janis thing is worse than she’d like to admit.

Janis comes out of the stall a couple of minutes later, right as Regina’s collecting the last of her things, and Regina is painfully aware of how Janis picks the sink furthest away to wash her hands.

They practically crash into each other on the way out of the bathroom, and it’s when Regina holds the door open for Janis that she sees it.

Her hand is bruised, right on her knuckles.

Regina wants to say something. The words claw at her throat. The questions sit on the tip of her tongue, begging to be asked. She bets that Janis knows that now she knows because the brunette quickly shoves her hand into the pocket of her hoodie and ducks back down the hallway, leaving Regina alone with a million things to say but no one to say them to.

Janis punched Jason.

It’s that or she got into a fight with a door, and while both seem likely, Regina knows Janis. She knows how protective Janis is, and she knows that Janis takes her anger out in what could be called “insane” ways. 

Regina feels sick at the fact that this is probably her fault again. She outed Janis in middle school and Janis set her bag on fire and got expelled. She broke things off with Janis last week and now someone got punched in the face.

Regina wonders if she’s only capable of leaving turmoil in her wake. She bets that she’s destined to ruin Janis, and she doesn’t want that.

Her alarm goes off.

She has to get to class.

Chapter Text

After seeing Janis’ hand, Regina doesn’t know what to think.

Janis had to be the one that punched Jason, right? The bruising would make sense, Janis defending Gretchen would make sense, the only thing that really doesn’t make sense is how they would’ve crossed paths.

Regardless, Regina finds herself walking up and down the aisles of a CVS on the outskirts of campus, trying to find something - anything - that might help Janis. She doubts that there’s anything that she can really do, but she has to do something.

So far, she’s gathered a couple of Redbulls in a couple of different flavors. Janis typically has the light blue ones (which Regina learns are the sugar-free variant), but Regina’s also seen her with the yellow ones a few times and even once, the orange one), so Regina grabs a couple of those, as well as a yellow one. She also grabs a bag of Goldfish, one of those To-Go cups of mini Oreos, and a giant Rice Krispie Treat bar that she finds on the bottom shelf of the candy aisle. Janis used to bring the regular sized ones to lunch at least three times a week when they were kids.

Regina can’t help but feel a bit stupid as she does this. It’s Saturday. She should be doing anything else, but she’s gathering gifts for Janis like there’s some label on them that’s more than “used to be enemies, were friends with benefits, currently acting like the other doesn’t exist.”

But she has to see Janis. She has to make this better somehow.

When she gets back to the dorms, it’s early in the afternoon, and the only one of her suite mates home is Gretchen, who’s been feeling the breakup blues pretty hard. Regina’s surprised that Karen’s not here, really, because she and Gretchen have been practically attached at the hip since everything happened.

“Where have you been?” Gretchen asks, eyeing the CVS bag suspiciously.

“Out,” Regina eyes her back, “Where are Cady and Karen?”

Gretchen shrugs, “I don’t know about Cady, but Karen’s with her girlfriend. She didn’t want to leave me alone, but… she’s already blown Faith off enough over the last couple of days for me. I don’t want her to screw up her relationship because I’m having boy problems.”

Regina nods, “So you’re watching movies?”

“Uh, no,” Gretchen runs a hand through her hair, “Grey’s Anatomy, actually. Karen got me into it when we were in eighth grade.”

Regina hums. She doesn’t know how Gretchen just willingly info dumps to people. How does she exist so openly? So confidently confess what’s going on with her? The idea of telling people about what’s going on with Janis makes her want to throw up.

“So what’s with the bag?” Gretchen asks.

Regina looks down at the bag in her hands, unsure of how to explain herself.

“A peace offering,” Regina attempts, fussing with her keys. She doesn’t like how suddenly shy she feels, but she doesn’t know how to begin explaining this. Gretchen still doesn’t know who punched Jason and Regina assumes that Janis isn’t telling her for a reason. What that reason is, Regina’s unsure, but it has to be something.

Gretchen’s looking at her like she’s expecting something more, but Regina doesn’t offer it.

Everything feels unnecessarily awkward. Regina excuses herself to her room, and closes the door behind herself before taking a much-needed deep breath.

She knows that she and Gretchen and their suite mates had a good night the other night, but it’s still hard when she’s alone with them. She’s not sure where she fits. Karen and Gretchen obviously have their own rhythm, but Cady’s involved now, too. They have some kind of thing going that Regina’s constantly on the outskirts of. It makes her wish a little that she tried befriending them instead of being a secluded freak.

Regina shakes the thoughts off and spills the contents of the CVS bag on to the bed. She tosses the receipt in the garbage and separates the contents into two piles. One big pile of the stuff that she bought for Janis, and one much smaller pile of the few things that she grabbed for herself.

She bags the stuff that she got for Janis again and stares for a minute. Is she really going to do this? What will Janis think? Will she tell Regina that this is now over forever? Regina doesn’t know if she’ll make it through that.

Regina runs a hand through her hair, lost. Maybe she needs to calm down. Maybe this needs to be less impulsive and insane and ridiculous.

She huffs and sticks the bag off to the side before leaving her room and sitting on the couch opposite Gretchen.

“What happened to your peace offering?”

“Delayed,” Regina says quietly, “What’s going on?”

Gretchen goes on to explain the episode - something about the main character tracking down this doctor claiming to be her sister, some other characters working with army veterans, something else about two doctors competing for some position.

Regina’s never seen the show, and really, she isn’t convinced yet, but this passes the time faster than staring at her wall or contemplating what her reaction will be to Janis slamming the door in her face and telling her to fuck off forever.

At some time around 5, Cady comes back, backpack slung over her shoulder and glasses on. Regina assumes that she was out studying.

“What are you two doing?” she asks, kicking off her shoes and putting them in the bin by the door. Her face contorts when she sees blood on the screen, “What are you watching?”

“Grey’s Anatomy,” Gretchen and Regina answer together.

“Oh,” Cady looks surprised, but Regina brushes it off. It’s fine. She’s just hanging out with Gretchen and that’s going to be kind of normal and not weird and…

“… be home later,” Cady disappears into her and Regina’s room, only to come out five seconds later, “Could we order in for dinner, maybe? I’ve been studying all day, I haven’t eaten.”

“We could get Chinese food,” Gretchen suggests, fussing with the edge of the blanket that she’s under, “I haven’t had that in a while.”

“Ooh,” Cady sits down on one of the arm chairs, “my mom had me try these crab things the last time that we got Chinese. I don’t remember what they’re called.”

“Crab rangoons, maybe?” Regina suggests, picking at one of her nails.

“That might’ve been it!” Cady hums, “Could we order those?”

“Yeah, I like those,” Gretchen nods, pausing the show, “Regina, do you like Chinese?”

Regina nods, “Haven’t had it in a while, but yes.”

Cady brightens at the answer, “Chinese it is, then!”

Which is how, an hour later, Regina finds herself still watching Grey’s Anatomy, now on an episode where way too much is happening and Regina feels like her head is breaking in half.

She’s tucked her leftovers away in her fridge when she finally excuses herself and goes back into her room, only to find the bag of Janis’ gifts on the bed still. It’s sitting at the foot, practically staring back at her, and she wants to stow it away just as much as she wants to just get it to Janis.

She takes a breath. Everything will be fine. If Janis is pissed at her, it’s just over, and she’ll deal with that if it comes to it. She grabs the bag off of the bed before she can think about it any longer and her keys off of her nightstand, hoping that she won’t need them but knowing it’ll be better to have them anyway.

Cady and Gretchen are no longer in the common area, but Regina can hear them talking in Gretchen’s room.

She doesn’t know what possesses her, but as her hand is on the doorknob, she calls out, “I’ll be back.”

She doesn’t wait for a response before disappearing out of the door and down the hall, charging ahead with purpose. This Janis thing will be fixed. If not for her, then for the sake of their group. That’s the right thing to do.

It doesn’t stop her from hesitating as she raises her hand to knock, but she pushes past it.

Regina knocks twice, and then she waits. Rocks on her heels and listens for commotion on the other side. Panics when she hears something hit the ground that doesn’t sound human. Chews on her lip when the lock makes a sound.

Janis opens the door, and there’s a confused look on her face when she sees Regina. It’s almost like she can’t believe that Regina’s standing in front of her, but all Regina can think about is the fact that she thinks her hands are sweating and she hopes that Janis won’t find out.

Regina kind of hates how good Janis looks. She’s just wearing a hoodie and a pair of leggings, but she looks the right amount of cozy for this kind of night and Regina just wants to lay with her until things are okay again. It’s more frustrating than it should be when she reminds herself that she was the one to shut this all down in the first place.

“What’s up?” Janis leans against the door frame, door propped open by her arm, “Are you selling Girl Scout cookies?”

“Wouldn’t that make things easier?” Regina asks dryly, nodding to the door, “Can I come in?”

Janis’ eyebrows furrow like she’s trying to figure out whether or not she should say yes. Regina’s stomach turns at the idea of Janis saying no right to her face. This would’ve been easier had Janis just not opened the door at all.

“Uh, yeah,” Janis is looking her up and down like she’s some kind of puzzle, but Regina tries to take that in stride. At least Janis is looking at her.

She follows Janis into the room, and waits for the door to close before holding up the bag, “This is for you.”

Janis takes the bag, expression shifting from surprise to just the slightest glint of giddiness as she rifles through the bag. Janis grabs the bag of Goldfish first, and slides her nail under the seam to open it, “You brought me snacks? And Redbulls?”

“I noticed your hand,” Regina says sheepishly, eyes still landing on Janis’ bruised knuckles even though she’s trying very hard to not look, “did you… you punched Jason?”

Janis ducks her head, hopping back up on her bed and finishing the Goldfish that she’s eating and fiddling with a loose piece of paper by the opening of the bag. It’s like she’s trying to figure out the best way to confess.

“You’re like the only one that’s said they suspect me,” Janis puts the bag to the side now and tucks her legs underneath herself, “No one seems to think I’d throw a punch.”

“Please, you almost killed Shane in third grade for getting too close to me,” Regina retorts, pulling at her fingers, “Does anyone else know?”

“Just Damian,” Janis says quietly, flexing her fingers on her hand, “He found out about the whole cheating thing from Gretchen and was baffled when I told him it was me. The whole team thinks that it was one of my teammates, Alex, but… she kinda broke it all up. She didn’t do anything except threaten Jason.”

Regina hums. She would’ve killed to see that.

“So what, curiosity killed the cat?” Janis gives Regina a look now, “That’s why you’re here? Buttering me up with gifts so that you can get some gossip?”

“I…” Regina feels like she’s lost all coherent thought. She doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t really even know what to do. “I’m sorry.”

Janis looks surprised again and Regina hates it, “You’re sorry?”

Regina stands her ground, “Yeah. You’re… right. About things being more complicated than I’ve let myself believe. I’m having a hard time with all of this and… I feel like I ruin everything in my path and I just wanted to fix something.”

“You ruin everything in your path?” Janis’ mouth turns downward in some kind of sad frown.

“I mean,” Regina pulls at her fingers, “Yeah, right? We were best friends until I fucked it up and then you left the continental US. Shane had to put on this masculine show for my parents and hasn’t been able to be himself until this year because I was so paranoid. I genuinely don’t know why he’s still friends with me. And I mean, come on, what’s been going on with us hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing or healthy or anything like that.”

Janis presses her lips together and her eyes fall down to her lap.

Regina hates it.

“So what now, then?” Janis asks, “Is this where you break the cycle?”

“I don’t know,” Regina shrugs, “I want everything to just be less awful. I want my mom to stop being awful, I want this year to stop being awful, I want… this to stop making me feel awful.”

Her voice falls to a hush on the last piece, and the words taste sour in her mouth.

“Not that this is bad,” Regina takes a breath, blinking when tears spring up at the corners of her eyes, “but there’s still that… voice. It still feels wrong to like you as much as I do even though I know there’s nothing wrong. I know that I’m… gay. And it’s so fucking scary and I’ve never had something feel so right and wrong at the same time.”

Janis hums softly, “I think that’s something that you’ll have to be patient with, honestly. You’ve been told for years that being gay is wrong. That’s not something that you can deconstruct overnight and I shouldn’t have pushed so hard for you to kind of do that.”

“It’s okay,” Regina responds, “It just sucks.”

“I can tell,” Janis says with a little laugh.

Regina bites the corner of her mouth to hold back a stupid grin. She fears in the back of her head that she might be falling too far and too fast for this girl. This girl sitting across from her, in a cozy-looking hoodie, face free of makeup and entirely too soft, a smile played on those perfect lips and showing off her perfect teeth.

She would be honored to call Janis her own.

“So where does that leave us?” Janis asks quietly, almost like she’s nervous. Maybe she is, if the way she’s fussing with her hoodie’s drawstring is any indicator. Regina’s stomach twists. “Friends? Friends with benefits? Fucked up fucking partners?”

“Jesus Christ,” Regina snorts, “I… um…”

Regina feels her face heat up at the idea of being Janis’ girlfriend even though her stomach plummets. She can’t do it, not yet.

“A vow of celibacy?” Regina suggests, pulling at her finger, enjoying the blown-away look on Janis’ face for a second before adding, “I’m kidding.”

“Good, because I was going to change your name in my phone to Quinn Fabray,” Janis says, rolling her eyes, “We could just take it a day at a time.”

Regina hums, “I like that.”

Janis grins proudly, “Thank you. Our starting point can be friends. Clear slate.”

“Oh,” Regina bites her lip, “Actually, before we have our clean slate…”

“What?” Janis furrows her eyebrows, “What? I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I can punch, so whatever it is…”

“Don’t punch anything,” Regina takes a cautious step forward, meeting Janis’ eyes, “I’m sorry. For outing you in middle school and letting everyone bully you. You never deserved that and I’m so sorry that I let that happen at the time. I am so sorry.”

Janis stares at her for what feels like ten minutes but is probably only 20 seconds.

“I… uh,” Janis scratches the back of her neck, “wow. Thank you, Reg. I appreciate it. But I forgave you a long time ago.”

“You did?”

“Yeah!” Janis nods, “Dude, therapy. I’m telling you. It helps.”

Regina hums lamely, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Chapter Text

Regina pulls into her grandmother’s house driveway, parking right behind her grandma’s BMW that she bought a couple of years back. 

The house looks painfully bare, like it’s missing something, but aside from the American flag being taken down out front (something that was only put back up a couple of years prior) and the rocking chair on the porch being pulled in for the incoming winter, Regina can’t really place what it is that makes the house look so wrong.

She heads up to the front door and opens it, knowing that her grandma knows she’s coming and will leave it open for her. The house looks relatively normal, aside from a couple of boxes sitting by the bottom of the stairs and some unused ones propped up in the hallway, not even folded properly yet.

“Nana!” Regina calls out, deciding she’ll ask about it later, “I’m here!”

“In the kitchen!” her grandmother calls back, and Regina twirls her keys on her fingers as she heads to the back of the house, finding her grandmother stirring something in a bowl while something else cooks on the stove. Her glasses are hanging around her neck, something she only does in the comfort of her own home, her sleeves are rolled up her forearms and her eyebrows are furrowed nearly into one as she works.

She looks up at Regina quickly, a huge smile on her face as she puts the spoon down and leaves the bowl on the counter. She rounds the island with her arms wide, “Happy birthday, Reggie.”

“Thanks, Nana,” Regina hugs her tightly, “Is Ky coming?”

“Your mother is being difficult,” her grandmother waves it off, “That woman… there’s a special place in Hell for her. I told her that if she doesn’t drop off Kylie that I’ll tell Christopher about how she keeps handing off her responsibilities. She won’t like that.”

“Dad’s not much better,” Regina replies, walking over to the stove and checking on the food stewing there, “You’re making a red sauce?”

“Homemade. Only the best for my girl,” her grandmother smiles softly and pats Regina’s cheek, “Roll up those sleeves, Reg. I need your young-person strength.”

Regina nods, rolling up the sleeves of her sweater and watching as her grandmother pulls a cookie sheet out of the drawer below the stove, “My book club swears by this cookie recipe. And I love you, but I do not have the patience for cakes anymore, unfortunately.”

“That’s fine,” Regina laughs at the blunt comment, “I prefer cookies anyway.”

“Good,” her grandmother pushes the bowl in her direction and a cookie dough scoop, “Get to work. Just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you’re getting off easy.”

Regina hums, not expecting anything different. Her grandmother has always been the type to constantly need to be doing something, and when she and Janis visited as kids, they baked at least 80% of the time and helped in the garden during the spring and summer, they even (with Nana Joan’s supervision) put together a shelf for her.

A smile tugs at the corner of Regina’s lips at the thought of Janis. Things have been going better this time around. Not great, but better. They’re friends again. Janis sends Regina random texts, Regina sends Janis TikToks, they spend time with their whole friend group without killing each other, and they haven’t done anything friendship-ruining. 

Regina’s only real complaint is their complete lack of intimacy since everything happened. She wants it, but she doesn’t want the complicated feelings that come with it or the threat of everything falling apart again. She’s rationalized that for now, Janis in any capacity is better than none of her at all.

“What has you all smiley?”

Regina looks up, and sees that her grandmother is shooting her a knowing look.

“Nothing,” Regina denies quickly, putting the last of the cookies that will fit on the cookie sheet, “How was your, uh, book club? You meet on Tuesdays, right?”

“Regina George, I am not a fool. What has you so giddy? Do you have a crush?” her grandmother wiggles her eyebrows, “Who is it?”

“Nana…”

“Regina.”

“It’s nothing,” Regina assures her, not wanting to explain the whole Janis situation right now, even if it is a safe space. 

Her grandmother lets out a little hum, and Regina can practically hear the gears turning in her head. What shocks her is that when the woman finally speaks, she asks, “Where’s Janis?”

“At school,” Regina gives her grandmother a look, “Probably taking a nap or something.”

“I told you to invite her!” her grandmother shakes her head, “Kylie really liked her.”

“I feel like you want to see Janis more than you want to see me,” Regina deflects, saran-wrapping the bowl of leftover cookie dough and putting it in the fridge.

“Oh, please,” her grandmother scoffs, “You know I wanted to see you. I want to talk to you, too, but later. Now, tell me about this crush. What is she like?”

Regina closes the refrigerator door and her breath catches in her throat. She. What is she like. She. Her grandmother knows about something that Regina hasn’t even been able to put to words yet. She knows before Regina’s even said anything. She didn’t even have to be told.

“Regina?”

She bites her tongue, unsure of how to react without fully sobbing in the kitchen of her grandmother’s house. Today’s her birthday, for fuck’s sake. She shouldn’t be feeling like this today. 

Today’s gone well so far, too. She had her classes and they were just the normal amount of obnoxious, her suite mates all wished her a happy birthday and promised to get cupcakes by the time she gets back tonight, and Janis sent her a stupid TikTok of a happy birthday message. Shane even promised her some good alcohol by this weekend.

But now, the part that she was the most excited for today, spending time with her grandmother, is colliding with the elephant in the room and Regina doesn’t know what to do.

She takes a breath.

“She’s…” Regina’s voice wavers and she bites the inside of her cheek, “She’s good.”

There’s another beat, a moment where she turns and sees her grandmother’s waiting glance, like she wants to know more but is apprehensive to ask. Regina hopes that her emotion isn’t as apparent on her face as it feels in her chest. 

Something happens in her grandma’s expression that Regina can’t decode, but she moves slowly around the island, approaching Regina like she’s some wild animal about to lash out. Regina hates it just as much as she appreciates it.

“She’s good,” her grandma repeats, stopping at the corner of the island, “Anything else?”

“Um,” Regina ducks her head, fidgeting with a ring on her thumb, “Way too good to me. I’ve… I’ve ruined things so many times and she keeps forgiving me for some reason. And…” Regina feels her throat tighten, “I like her. And it’s horrifying.”

“That’s okay,” her grandma rounds the island fully now, taking Regina into her arms, “It’s okay, Reg. It’s going to get less scary, I promise, it will.”

Regina nods, surprised at how tight the grip her grandmother has on her is. She doesn’t step away, though, and instead tries to imprint the moment in her brain. 

Her grandmother pulls back after a minute and holds Regina’s face in her hands in the same manner that she did when she was a child, “I know that your mother is difficult, but I promise, nothing is wrong with you, Regina. Loving people is nothing to be scared of, okay?”

Regina nods a little, leaning into her grandma’s embrace a little more. Her grandma wipes a tear, “As long as she’s good to you, I don’t care who it is.”

Regina hums, Janis’ name on the tip of her tongue. This is her Nana, for fuck’s sake. She is the one that would freak out the most (in the best way) about it being Janis. 

“Please don’t tell Mom,” Regina requests softly, stomach churning. She can’t have her mother finding out that all of her worst nightmares have come true. She has a gay daughter. Finding out might give her a heart attack.

“She won’t know a thing,” her grandmother promises with a small nod, “Chin up, Reg. Kylie’s going to be here any minute. You can tell me more about this girl later.”

Regina nods and decides to help out and get a start on cleaning the kitchen up. It’s monotonous enough work where she doesn’t have to focus too hard on it, but enough to occupy her mind from the intense up-and-down emotions that she’s still processing.

Maybe Janis has a point about therapy. Not that Regina would ever admit that out loud.

Kylie comes bounding into the house maybe ten minutes later, squealing a Happy Birthday! at the top of her lungs and crashing into Regina in a blonde blur.

“Hi babe,” Regina hugs her tightly, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” Kylie hands her a slightly crashed-into card, “I made this for you.”

“Oh, Ky,” Regina squeezes her again and presses a kiss to her hair before opening the card. It’s on blue construction paper with pink cutout hearts and balloons stuck on it, some hanging on for dear life. Happy Birthday Regina! is scrawled on the front, and on the inside, there’s a short paragraph thanking Regina for being such a good big sister. It takes everything in Regina not to cry.

“I love you,” Regina hugs her for a third time, “You’re the coolest little sister to exist, babe.”

“You’re the coolest big sister to exist,” Kylie says, kissing Regina’s cheek and grinning proudly, “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Regina assures her. She puts the card on the island for safekeeping, “Now, come on, tell me, what’s going on at school? Are you failing every class?”

Kylie drops her jaw dramatically, comically offended as she dives into a rant about how school’s going and how there’s a boy in her class that everyone insists likes her but she doesn’t like him. Something having to do with him harassing her and her not receiving it well. Regina wishes she were Kylie’s guardian so that she could say something, but she wouldn’t even know where to begin with that.

“Danny let me doodle in his coloring book, though,” Kylie goes on to add, “we played Tic-Tac-Toe.”

“No way,” Regina says, “Did you win?”

Kylie nods proudly, “Three times in a row.”

“How about you go get Nana’s whiteboard, and we can see who’s the best at Tic-Tac-Toe?” Regina suggests, and Kylie grins, clearly fully on board.

She disappears upstairs to get the whiteboard from the art supplies that their Nana keeps up there, and Regina’s picking at a spot on the kitchen table when her Grandma speaks up, “You’re such a good sister to her, Reg.”

“Thanks,” Regina says softly, “How long ’til dinner’s ready?”

“Soon,” her grandma promises.

A couple of hours later, Kylie’s gone and left and Regina’s full from what ended up being a perfect dinner with perfect cookies. She’s helping her grandma clean up in the kitchen, and she plans on heading back to the dorms pretty soon. She’s already received a semi-suspicious text from Cady asking about what time she’s coming.

“What’s with the boxes?” Regina asks as she wipes down the counters with a wet cloth, “Sending more stuff out?”

She spotted a couple of more upstairs and in the bathroom, like her grandma is beginning to pack for something. Regina doesn’t get what’s happening there, but her grandma has done major restyling in this house before.

“Something like that,” her grandma hums, “Trying to get more shit in the basement. This place is becoming too cluttered. Your grandfather would be losing his mind right now.”

Regina snorts. She wonders every once in a while what the man was like aside from his grumpy TV watching, but she does know that the man didn’t like unnecessary clutter.

“Ugh, I can’t be in this kitchen any longer,” her grandma huffs, “Come on, living room.”

Regina hangs the cloth up and follows her grandma into the living room, sitting down next to her on the couch. Her eyes fall on the unlit fireplace, something she and Janis used to roast marshmallows on in the winter. God, she misses being that carefree.

“You know,” her grandmother sips on the tea she made a little bit ago, “when Chris met your mother, I thought that I was never going to see him again. I thought he’d move out to Utah and try to become a Mormon or something.”

“He doesn’t want enough kids for that,” Regina responds, leaning into the couch.

“I’ve noticed,” her grandma laughs gently, “but either way, I was more shocked that he stuck around, decided to raise his family here. They had you. Named you Regina because it meant queen, added Elizabeth because they thought that I was going to die and it would be nice to honor me in some way.”

Regina smiles a little, “And here you are almost 20 years later.”

“Yes,” her grandmother looks to the fireplace, something brewing in her expression that makes Regina’s skin prickle with nerves. She looks back at Regina after a minute, “I don’t know who the hell you learned it from, but you have become a very good person, Regina.”

“Nana…”

“I know,” her grandma waves her off, “that you and Janis had that whole spat in middle school and that you’ve had your low moments, we all have, but you do make the right decisions eventually. Your mother did two good things in this life, one of them is Kylie, and the other one is you. And I need you to know that you’re a good thing, Regina. You’re good.”

“What is this about?” Regina asks around the tightening sensation in her throat. She pulls at her fingers, wondering if this is something to do with her birthday or some grandiose gift or…

“Tell me you’re a good person, Reg.”

Regina’s breath catches in her throat. She doesn’t understand how her grandmother is so sure that she’s good. Her grandmother doesn’t know the amount of fights that she and Janis have gotten into this semester because of Regina’s own stupidity. Regina’s never detailed the lengths at which she went to in high school to not be seen as anything other than straight.

And somehow, “I just need to hear you say it.”

“I’m a good person,” Regina says softly.

“You have to work on that,” her grandmother takes a sip of her tea, “mainly because I’m not going to be around to reinforce it.”

Regina’s stomach drops.

She doesn’t mean—

“Nana,” Regina’s hands shake, “What are you talking about?”

Her grandmother’s expression shifts, like she’s trying to figure out what to say next. Regina can practically hear it already. It’s fucking back, isn’t it? Their time is more limited?

Regina watches as her fingers curl around her mug. Her wedding ring still shines on her left hand even though her grandfather’s been dead for two decades. She only ever wears it when something big is going on and Regina hates that she didn’t notice that sooner.

“I’m covering the rest of your college,” her grandmother’s voice shakes, “I wanted to pay for your wedding but…”

Regina’s chest hurts. This can’t be happening.

“I saw my doctors last week. I’ve been having pain and I wanted to get it checked out, maybe get something to nullify it for a while,” her grandma’s eyes, the ones constantly compared to her own, are sharp as she speaks, “and they ran some tests. I don’t… I missed it. And now…”

Her grandmother’s eyes shine with unshed tears, “I wanted to tell you first.”

Regina swears she can’t breathe. This can’t be happening.

“Regina…”

“You can’t fight it? How long do you have?” Regina musters out, trying not to start completely melting down on this couch. She’s done it as a kid, but she’s outgrown that.

(Bullshit. She feels like that little kid right now, and desperately wishes she could punch the cushions as she once did and scream and cry until everything’s been fixed.)

“Fighting it wouldn’t do anything beneficial,” her grandmother tries to take her hand, but Regina doesn’t let her, holding on so tightly to the fabric of her pants that her knuckles are white. The confession is quiet but feels like a stab, “If I’m lucky, a year.”

Regina nearly chokes on her sob. This can’t be real.

Chapter Text

Regina’s been sitting in her car for close to 25 minutes now.

It’s been off so long that the cold from outside is starting to creep in and bite her fingertips. The windows fog a little more with every breath that she takes. The light on her dash signaling that her keys have been left in the car has been holding a steady red blink every other second. The wind is making the shadows of the trees wave back and forth on her car.

She doesn’t really know what to do. She should’ve gone inside twenty minutes ago, before the car got cold, but she hasn’t been able to move yet. She’s never felt so overwhelmed and numb in the same breath.

Her grandmother is going to die. It’s like some cruel joke from the universe and a cherry on top of a horrible fucking year. Regina’s not naive enough to have thought her grandma would live forever, but she at least thought she’d see Regina graduate. Maybe even last long enough to see her finish law school, even though that’s felt more daunting and boxed in recently than she’d like to admit. 

Regina’s fingers rest on the bottom ring of her steering wheel. Shane’s always found it weird that Regina drives with her hands closer to the bottom of the steering wheel, but she’s never known anything different. It’s what’s most comfortable for her. Screw Shane.

She needs to go inside.

Going inside feels like giving in, almost. It means that she’ll have had this afternoon at her grandma’s and come out with completely different information. Something more morbid and haunting.

Her grandmother is going to die. The thought makes her head hurt. Regina hasn’t lost anyone significant yet. No one that’s been close to her has passed, and somehow, her grandmother will be the first one. The only one that’s ever seen Regina for who she is, and not who she’s made to be, will be dead. How will she resist conformity when the only person that broke her out of her shell hundreds of times won’t be there with her sledgehammer anymore?

Regina takes a deep breath. She just has to go upstairs and into her dorm room. The rest is a tomorrow problem.

Her head hurts from the crying. Her eyes are sensitive and puffy and probably bright red. She hopes to hell that the snot is all gone. She hasn’t cried that hard in a very long time and it already feels like a bad hangover, just with less nausea.

She just has to go upstairs.

Her fingers float to her keys, sitting in one of the cupholders, and she gets shocked back into her body when she feels how cold they are. She makes quick work of unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car, and rides that energy until she’s at the suite’s door.

The door’s unlocked, and when Regina opens it, she finds Cady and Janis lounged on the couch and arm chair. Janis is sprawled out on the arm chair, legs over one arm and leaning back against the other. She’s wearing a Northwestern hoodie and a pair of PJ pants that she’s changed into from the other pair that she was wearing this morning. Cady’s got one of her legs kicked up on the couch and the other tucked under herself, and she’s also in PJs. They look almost painfully casual.

Their eyes are on her the second that she walks in, and Cady launches to sit straight up, “Hi, Regina!”

“Hey,” Regina sheds her shoes and coat. Her voice comes out hoarser than she would’ve liked, “What’re you guys doing?”

“I’m kicking Cads’ ass at Mario Kart,” Janis says with a teasing grin, “We, uh, got you cupcakes, by the way.”

Regina nods, feeling a little dazed, “Okay.”

She takes another breath, “I just need a minute.”

Regina’s in her room before she can process the fact that she moved her legs, and she sits on her bed because her legs feel like jelly and her head is swimming so much that she feels drunk. She feels absolutely miserable.

Her hands grip on to the edge of the bed, fingers smoothing and crumpling the fabric over and over again as she listens to her own breathing and the sounds of Mario Kart in the common room.

She’s not sure how much time has passed when Janis comes into the room, a concerned look on her face and her hands tucked into her hoodie pocket.

“You okay?”

Regina almost wants to laugh. It’s an absurd question. Maybe absurd because of its simplicity, but absurd nonetheless. Her grandmother dying isn’t funny, but there’s a fucked up part of it that is.

“I’m 19,” Regina says quietly, eyes falling from Janis to her lap. This all feels like some kind of a cruel joke.

“Did something happen at your Nana’s?” Janis asks, voice soft, like she already knows. Maybe she does. Janis has always been the best at reading her.

“Um,” Regina feels tears building in her eyes again and turns her chin to the ceiling to try and keep them at bay, “I came out to her. And then… like, four hours later, she told me she’s dying.”

Her voice cracks on she and it sounds like the breath is knocked out of her when she says dying.

She really doesn’t want to start crying again.

“Reg…”

“No,” Regina wipes at her tears and shakes her head, hoping the movement might shake her out of it. She uses her sleeve to dab at tears that have fallen, “It’s fine. It’s fine. I’ll, um, I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t have to be,” Janis reminds her, “It’s a lot. You’ve been going through a lot and that’s a lot for one day.”

“It’s my birthday,” Regina whispers, her stomach churning. She wishes she could fucking hide right now. She remembers being a kid and how untouchable her birthday would feel, how treasured and perfect things would be, how no one dared to dim her light because it was her day.

But now - but now - everything hurts so much worse and she doesn’t know if a birthday will ever be so amazing again.

“I know,” Janis approaches her slowly, like she’s a dangerous animal about to lash out, and Regina grips harder at the comforter on her bed. “Can I hug you?”

“Jay…”

Janis gently rests one of her hands on top of Regina’s, “Or I can just sit with you. Whatever works.”

Regina nods and moves her hand, opening up the space for Janis to sit on the bed with her. Janis is quick to take Regina’s hand again, twisting their fingers together and holding on tight. Regina can feel Janis’ eyes on her, but she’s too busy looking at Janis’ hand in her own and too focused on Janis’ leg pressed up against her own. She’s missed this.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without her,” Regina confesses only loud enough for the two of them to hear, “She can’t… she can’t die. That’s impossible.”

“Yeah,” Janis whispers, “she can’t… fight it or anything? Is it her cancer again?”

“A different one,” Regina wipes at a falling tear, “Aggressive and harder to control. If she… if she fought it, it’d give her a couple of miserable years versus one good one. And… I hate that I get where she’s coming from because I really want to fucking kill her myself for not fighting.”

“But you also want what’s best for her,” Janis says, and Regina nods. Janis sighs softly, “I’m sorry, Regina.”

Me too sits on Regina’s tongue, but she doesn’t say it. That somehow feels like crossing a line, like admitting that this is in fact real, and she doesn’t want to admit that yet.

“How’d you… get them to get me cupcakes?” Regina asks, glancing over at Janis.

“It was Gretchen’s idea, actually,” Janis admits, “I was just gonna go to, like, Insomnia or something and buy you one of those giant cookies even though they’re fucking disgusting-”

“They are delicious, what is wrong with you?” Regina retorts, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. They went for the first time last month in a drunken haze and Regina’s been back once a week since. She even got one for Kylie recently.

“They’re disgusting,” Janis reaches up with her free hand to wipe a tear off of Regina’s face, “and you’re ridiculous for liking them. But Gretch suggested the cupcakes and Cady and Karen were on board and they didn’t know where you ran off to so they asked me, and now I’m here and you’re here and… maybe some frosting on your nose will help your day out a little bit.”

Regina wants to roll her eyes at the comment. Frosting-Gate happened at Regina’s eleventh birthday thanks to a cupcake being smashed into her face by Kylie, who was barely eighteen months old at the time.

“Frosting was everywhere but my nose,” Regina says, leaning into Janis’ hand when it doesn’t move from the side of her face.

“Still cute,” Janis smiles a little, and her eyes dance like she’s looking for something to say but doesn’t have the words. Her hand drops from Regina’s face and she tugs at Regina’s hand, “Come on, let’s sing happy birthday and eat cupcakes.”

Regina begrudgingly gets off the bed with her, “I didn’t think they’d care enough.”

“Now that you’re not being a bitch to them, they like you,” Janis tells her, “Funny how that works.”

Regina hums, “You might have a point.”

Janis grins, leading her back into the common area and not dropping her hand once. It feels like some kind of statement, but Regina refuses to let go. She needs this too much right now.

The cupcakes are out on the coffee table with pink and white frosting, and there’s a dozen in the tray. Cady’s holding the lighter in one hand and a box of candles in the other, and she gets visibly excited when she sees the two coming back into the room.

Karen and Gretchen come into the room, too, and Janis is quick to tell Cady to set up the candles on the cupcakes.

“How’s 19 feel?” Gretchen asks, “It’s your last year of being a teenager.”

“We’ll see,” Regina shrugs through her non-answer, and her nerves go up when Janis picks up the tray for Cady to light the candles. “What are you doing?”

“Presenting it to you, you giraffe,” Janis retorts, grinning as Cady lights the candles. Gretchen moves to turn the big light in the room off, leaving only the fairy lights in the windows on, and Regina can hear her heart pounding in her chest.

“Ready?” Cady asks, looking to the other girls.

They all nod, and launch into Happy Birthday.

It’s quiet. Quieter than when a bunch of drunk morons were crowded in her house last year and hollered at the top of her lungs when she blew out the candles and proceeded to kiss Aaron. Quieter than when her family would gather around a table and Kylie would screech through the song in a way that was only tolerable because it was Kylie doing it. 

Regina finds the difference in the warmth. Janis is holding the cupcakes. Karen is holding her phone to record the whole thing. Cady is clapping along like this is the coolest thing to ever happen to her. Gretchen bought the cupcakes.

These people have all had good reason to dislike her and not do this, and somehow, they’re all singing her Happy Birthday.

“Blow out the candles,” Janis urges her gently, “Make a wish.”

Regina makes a wish, but she doesn’t dare say it. This is good enough for now, anyway.

-

A couple of hours later, Cady’s downstairs doing laundry and Janis is still in Regina’s dorm. They’re back in her room, even, with Janis laying back on Regina’s bed while Regina’s found herself sitting against the headboard.

She changed into more comfortable clothes a while ago, opting for a pair of leggings and a hoodie, and she’s been debating on putting socks on for a bit now.

Janis is a little tipsy, thanks to a bit of booze that Gretchen stashed and then opened in celebration, and while Regina had a little bit, the effects have long worn off.

Regina itches to reach over and play with Janis’ hair, especially the one piece that’s clinging to her temple, but she controls herself, instead listening to Janis’ long ramble about their past birthdays.

“I think I did Spongebob for my ninth,” Janis fusses with her hoodie string, chewing on the plastic end of it every couple of sentences, “I wanted my parents to get a Spongebob mascot at the party so bad but I never asked because you hated Chuck E. Cheese.”

“That rat’s a freak,” Regina retorts, “wasn’t that party at your house, anyway? What is Spongebob going to do in your house?”

“Turn it into a pineapple, duh,” Janis responds, “I don’t even really remember it. Didn’t your Nana have us for a sleepover that night? To, like, give my parents a break or something?”

“Yeah,” Regina hums, “My mom was pregnant with Ky at the time, I think Nana wanted to give all of them a break.”

“It’s weird that Kylie didn’t exist. Like, she wasn’t born and wasn’t a person yet and now she’s…” Janis makes an explosion noise and expands her hands like something’s blown up and Regina swears she’s never seen something so endearing in her life.

“Oh, you know what,” Regina gets off the bed and moves an empty suitcase out of the way. She grabs a container from behind it and takes off the lid. It’s a relatively flat container, but it still has room for two photo albums and a small collection of old t-shirts and pillowcases for god knows what reason.

She pulls the first photo album, labeled Regina George vs Middle School, and puts it on the bed. Janis is sitting up now, eyes big with curiosity, and her eyes only widen when she realizes what Regina has.

“No fucking way,” Janis crosses her legs, “Can I look?”

“Yeah,” Regina pushes the container back into its place and gets back on the bed with Janis, looking over her shoulder as Janis flips through.

She settles back on the bed with Janis, eyes following the different photographs throughout the book. Regina on her first day of sixth grade. Janis and Regina laying on the grass in the backyard of Joan’s house, staring at the stars like they hold all of the answers. The two hunched over the dining room table, working on homework. Regina with an award that she got for being well-mannered at school. Regina holding Kylie as they worked on a baby-brain puzzle.

The thing is endless. It’s like stepping back in time. It hurts and feels warm and cozy at the same time. Regina sees pictures of her grandmother and wants to cry and sees pictures of her and Janis and feels like she’s falling in love.

Janis stops on a picture of them from the summer of their sixth grade year. They had taken Joan’s camera out for a spin and snapped maybe something like a hundred pictures of them in the backyard, and one of those is at the top of a page towards the middle of the book.

They’re both in t-shirts that had seen better days, and Janis is clearly the one holding the camera while Regina’s a bit further in the background, waving without a care in the world. The smiles on their faces are ones that Regina would like to immortalize.

It’s one of their last perfect moments. Regina considers taking the picture to stow it away for just herself. Somewhere safer. More protected.

“I’m glad we found each other again,” Janis says softly, fingers smoothing over a piece of curling plastic on the page.

Their eyes meet over the album, and Regina smiles a little, “Me too.”

Chapter Text

Janis didn’t really plan on spending her entire day at Regina’s dorm. She did want to get something for Regina, just as some kind of acknowledgment, but it was supposed to be something that she was doing for Regina, not something that she was helping the rest of Regina’s suite mates with.

She’s decided that it’s all fine, she and Regina are in an awkward place anyway and Janis didn’t know what was too much versus not enough. Besides, she now has a stack of pictures from Regina’s grandmother that Regina unveiled and she’s been looking through them at a snail’s pace.

Regina stopped looking at pictures a while ago and instead asked with just a look if she and Janis could cuddle, and now she’s been asleep for almost half an hour with her head on Janis’ stomach and her arms wrapped around Janis’ waist. Janis couldn’t say no to any of it, and her only complaint is that she’s a little cold, but she wouldn’t dare move.

This stack of pictures was tucked at the back of the container that Regina was rifling through, none of them attached to a photo album and only held together by a large rubber band that’s left indents on the tops and bottoms of almost every photograph.

The one that she’s looking at right now is of Janis holding Kylie for the first time. Regina’s stuck up against her side, adjusting the little hat on Kylie’s head, and Janis is looking down at Kylie with the most frightened expression. Janis hadn’t held a baby up until that point and she hasn’t held a baby since Kylie was that age. 

The next picture is of Regina and Janis in front of the lit fireplace in Joan’s house, a bag of marshmallows open between them and a box of chocolate graham crackers off to Janis’ side. She hasn’t had a craving for them in years, but she remembers having to be told to only eat one sleeve of them because she had no self control and could down an entire box without blinking. Regina hated them.

Janis forgets sometimes how intertwined their lives once were, but this collection of photographs proves how much she’s left in the past. She almost wants copies of her own.

She’s almost reached the end when Cady comes back, and the redhead gives her a confused look when she sees how the two are cuddled up.

“Are you two…” Cady raises an eyebrow, “together?”

“No,” Janis says softly, tugging the rubber band back around the pictures and putting them on Regina’s nightstand, trying her best to not jostle the girl asleep on top of her, “Were you just hanging out in the laundry room this entire time?”

Cady nods, putting her laundry basket down on her desk, “I like reading down there. And I would feel really guilty if I just left my stuff, so… what is going on with you two? Are you friends? You were avoiding each other just last week.”

“We’re…” Janis glances down at Regina, who’s still sound asleep and showing no signs of waking up. “I don’t know. She’s… she’s Regina.”

Cady’s face contorts like she’s trying to put something together, “You say that like you’re best friends.”

“I mean,” Janis feels like this particular position puts them in a spot that’s not exactly just friends, but she doesn’t know how to explain any of this to Cady in a manner that would take less than an hour, “I don’t know, Cads. She’s Regina, you know? We’ve known each other forever and she’s… I just want to be in her corner, I don’t know.”

“Wait,” Cady’s eyes widen, looking from Regina to Janis and then to Regina again, eyes fixated on the blonde for a long minute until she finally meets Janis’ gaze again, “she’s that Regina? The one that-”

“Yes,” Janis admits, “she is.”

Janis could’ve sworn that she’d told Cady about this already, but she guesses not. Damian figured it out a million years ago. She didn’t know that Cady got so lost in the shuffle, especially since she knows that Grace hates Regina. Whoops.

Cady’s jaw moves like she wants to speak, but no words manage to come out.

“We can talk about it more some other time,” Janis assures her, absentmindedly tracing shapes on Regina’s hoodie, hoping that she doesn’t wake up to any of this revelation. That would feel like a nail in the coffin.

“You forgave her?” Cady asks, “Even after everything?”

Janis nods. She’s pretty sure that she couldn’t explain that one if she tried, even though she knows that she’d never choose anything different. There’s something about Regina. Something that’s pulled her to Regina for their entire existences. Something that’s becoming more and less confusing the longer that it goes on.

“We’ll talk in the morning,” Janis reiterates, and Cady nods.

At Janis’ agreement, Cady turns off the lights in the room and Janis readjusts the pillow under her head to get a little more comfortable.

Regina’s fingers twitch against her waist and Janis holds her a little tighter.

They’ll be okay.

-

Janis wakes up in the morning to an alarm going off.

It is not her alarm. Her alarm is the boinging noise and this alarm is that standard weird shake-sounding thing. Like someone made a xylophone into a cylinder and then threw a ball inside. Janis hates it. It makes her feel like her teeth are rattling in her head.

Oh. That is not her alarm.

She blinks when she feels her blanket leave, and groans into the pillow when the alarm is turned off. She sees Regina out of the corner of her eye, now standing by the side of the bed and scrolling through her notifications like she’s missed Christ being reborn.

“What time is it?” Janis asks quietly, digging her hands into the excess sleeves of her hoodie, “It’s cold in here.”

Regina tucks her phone into her hoodie’s pocket, “6:30.”

Janis’ eyes bulge, “Why?”

Janis knows that Regina’s first class of the day is their shared English class at 10. For what fucking reason does she need to get up at 6:30 outside of self-martyrdom?

“Go back to sleep,” Regina tucks Janis into her bed, “I’ll be back.”

Janis, still too tired to fight her, obliges, and curls into Regina’s impossibly comfortable bed and comforter. She probably has a super expensive mattress topper on this thing and million dollar pillows and why the hell are they using Janis’ dorm when this bed is right here?

She feels the ghost of fingertips along her hairline before she falls back asleep, but by the time she’s woken up again, Cady’s gone, and Regina’s missing in action, and Janis has an hour to get ready and get breakfast before her class.

She wakes up to her alarm this time. She almost misses the demon alarm.

Janis tries to make the bed look presentable before she leaves, but it’s too tall for her to be able to do anything truly nice and she’s a bit fucked for time. She heads into the common room, and nearly has a heart attack when she sees Gretchen there and putting her shoes on.

Gretchen gives her a look, like she’s trying to process what she’s seeing right now, and it’s not too dissimilar from the one that she got from Cady last night.

“Never heard of a sleepover?” Janis asks, grabbing her Converse by the heels and opening the door, not waiting for a response, “I’ll see you, Gretch!”

Janis cringes the second that she’s safe in the hallway. How the hell is she going to explain all of this to Gretchen, let alone Cady? Maybe this was better in the shadows where no one had any questions to ask or looks to give. Maybe Regina not being out is a blessing in disguise.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket as she makes her way to her dorm, and she’s unsurprised to see that Damian’s asking where she is. She’s running late. She feels dumb.

All she needs to grab from her room is a fresh pair of socks, a brush, and her backpack. Then, she can head off to class and deal with the rest later. She runs her tongue over her teeth as she unlocks her dorm room door, cringing at the grime on them, but knowing she doesn’t have the time to deal with that right now.

Janis opens her dorm room door, and is confused when the door is unlocked, and even more confused when she sees that Grace is inside. Grace is basically never here these days, and especially not so early in the morning.

(It’s 8:45. But that’s not the point.)

“Where are you coming from?” Grace asks, raising an eyebrow, “I thought today’s your easy day.”

“I…” Janis doesn’t know what to say. She can’t exactly tell Grace that she was with Regina all night.

“Did you get laid?” Grace looks almost excited at the prospect, like it’s some kind of miracle. Janis doesn’t even know what to do with that.

She doesn’t know how to respond, either. The truth sounds something like: No, actually, I was just letting my former enemy lay on top of me because I knew it would help her feel better. Then we fell asleep. Best sleep I’ve gotten in years.

“Something like that, I guess,” Janis says with a shrug, changing her socks for new ones and pulling the laces on her Converse loose, “Where’s Taylor?”

“8am,” Grace sighs dramatically, “Who’s the mystery girl?”

“Long story,” Janis answers, hoping it’s enough for now, “What’re you doing today?”

“Couple of classes,” Grace responds, though she doesn’t sound any less suspicious of Janis, “and Taylor and I are going to the Women’s Center again tonight. You should come, they keep asking about my weird roommate.”

Janis glances up at her and furrows her eyebrows, “Why am I weird?”

“You’re an art nerd jock. You’re a walking contradiction.”

“I’m not in debt,” Janis retorts, tying her shoes quickly and launching back on to her feet, “I’ll think about the Women’s Center thing. What are you doing tonight?”

“It’s a little artsy slam poetry music thing,” Grace tells her, “Might be great, probably will be awful. Who knows? You could bring your mystery girl.”

“You do see how that defeats the purpose of a mystery girl, though, right?” Janis asks, laughing when Grace rolls her eyes. She grabs a Redbull from her mini fridge and twirls her keys on her fingers.

“Whatever. Nice seeing you for our thirty seconds a week,” Grace laughs.

Janis waves before ducking out of the room and to the cafeteria. She doesn’t want to ever have the conversation with Grace about Regina. It feels dicey. Emotionally conflated and kind of like confessing to a crime. 

When she gets to the dining hall, she finds Damian at a table by himself, scrolling through TikTok without a care in the world. She grabs one of those To-Go cereal cups of Lucky Charms before sitting down across from him and cracking open her Redbull.

Damian looks up the second that she sits down, “Oh, look who woke up.”

“Hey, be nice,” Janis says, resisting the temptation to swat him when he steals a hat-shaped charm from her bowl, “I had such a weird fucking night.”

Damian’s eyes meet hers and he puts his phone away, “Oh really? Do tell.”

Janis explains the situation in as much detail as she can without feeling morally fucked about it. She tells him that it was Regina’s birthday, that Gretchen got everyone together to buy Regina cupcakes and how Janis picked out the frosting for the baker to do and then the candles, too. She tells him about how they looked through their old pictures, but leaves out the part about wanting to steal them. She tells him about last night, and how Regina settled with her nose to Janis’ ribs like she belonged there.

(Who was Janis to say no, really? The spot was practically carved for Regina.)

“Are you two together yet?” is Damian’s first question when Janis has him sufficiently caught up.

Janis rolls her eyes, “You’re funny.”

“You’re like, basically together,” Damian retorts, waving his hand like it’ll make something happen, “You’re sleeping together in more ways than one, she looks at you like you hung the freaking stars in the sky and you look at her like she could punch your face in and you’d thank her, that’s basically a relationship.”

“Remember how much she freaked out when I called her my girlfriend accidentally? What the hell makes you think she’d take it any better now?”

Damian sighs, “Lesbians are so complicated.”

“We’re not that complicated.”

“You’re definitely not UHAULing it,” he responds, and Janis stares for a second, almost dumbfounded that he knows what that means.

“That’s…” Janis takes a long sip of her Redbull and toys with the wrapper on the cereal bowl. She swallows. “Whatever. Here’s my fucking problem. I think I’m falling for her and no one is talking me out of it.”

“You are falling for her and no one has to talk you out of anything. You two just need to define the relationship and then begin praying that they’ll need more in the future. But avoiding each other or sleeping in each other’s beds isn’t gonna fix that shit,” Damian responds.

Janis feels like a kid getting scolded and pops a non-Marshmallow Lucky Charm into her mouth as he gets up to throw his tray away.

“If there’s a world,” Janis says after a minute, “where she falls in love with me… do you think it’d work?”

“I’d like to think so,” Damian says, offering her a little smile, “You should go get the girl.”

Janis hums. She needs a little more time.

Chapter Text

Later that day, Janis sequesters herself in a corner of the library to finish her English essay, and as she’s deleting and rewriting and deleting the intro sentence of her conclusion paragraph, Cady walks up to her.

“Hey, Cads,” she bites on the end of her pen, “what’s up?”

Cady puts her bag down in one of the empty chairs and sits down across from Janis. She looks frustrated, like something’s been on her mind and she’s just now figured out how to verbalize it.

“I thought we were friends.”

Janis takes the pen out of her mouth, confused, “What?”

“I thought we were friends,” the look on her face doesn’t waver, “Why didn’t you tell me about Regina?”

“I didn’t even tell Damian about her,” Janis retorts, saving her document for now and closing her laptop, “I haven’t been talking about it at all. I don’t even really know what it is, so there’s really nothing to talk about.”

“I have told you about Aaron so many times,” Cady says, “and every time someone brings up how you disappear at every party, it’s nothing. You don’t say a word. And that’s… it’s fine. I get it. But I thought we were friends and you didn’t even bother to tell me that you guys have known each other since you were kids and that she’s the same person that outed you.”

Janis bites on the inside of her cheek and dodges her gaze, not really knowing what to say. She should’ve told Cady, sure, but would that have helped anything, really? She didn’t need Cady hating her roommate.

“It’s not something I enjoy reliving,” Janis responds, fidgeting with the cap on her pen, “and we’ve moved past it.”

“You told me that she never apologized,” Cady’s eyebrows furrow.

Janis lets out a disgruntled noise, not sure of what to say. Maybe she should’ve been more explicit about the fact that Regina is the same Regina that ruined her life, but who is she if she does something like that? What does that say about her if she’s bringing up old drama when clearly the two of them have agreed to move past it? She forgave Regina, that’s that, right?

“She apologized last week,” Janis admits, “She came by my dorm and apologized for everything that happened back then. We’re okay now.”

“Does Damian know all of this?” Cady asks.

“To an extent, yeah,” Janis kind of wants to shrivel out of this conversation. Cady’s one of her best friends and that’s been true for years, but she didn’t realize how much she was avoiding this conversation until now and it sucks. “He’s just… not as connected to it as you are. I mean, Regina’s your roommate. Damian’s more on the outside. He doesn’t have any stake in anything aside from me.”

Cady squints at Janis like she’s speaking a different language, “He’s roommates with Regina’s best friend.”

“He’s a boy. It’s different.”

“How is that different?” Cady asks.

“They don’t… grudges don’t exist like that for guys. They punch each other in the face and then buy each other beer. Do you know how much of that I saw in high school? I mean, seriously, I watched two best friends sleep with the same girl last year - one of them was taking part in his best friend getting cheated on - and they’re still best friends now. I’m not saying it’s not gross, I’m just saying it’s not that dramatic for them,” Janis explains, a bit disgusted again at the thought of that situation. The girl ended up moving to Montana, if Janis remembers correctly. And she slept with a girl that Janis went on a date with.

“Besides,” Janis taps her pen on the table, “Damian and Shane don’t talk like that. At least, to my knowledge. I don’t know. D could be fully spilling to Shane about all of this and collecting notes. I don’t really care, to be honest.”

“Friends are supposed to stick by each other, how am I supposed to do that when you don’t tell me things?” Cady pushes. “I thought we were close enough where you could trust me.”

“I do trust you, Cads,” Janis tries to assure her, but Cady doesn’t look comforted in the slightest. Janis tries again, “Come on, I wouldn’t have told you in the first place if I didn’t trust you. It’s just that… this is complicated and I didn’t want to bring you into something that I barely understand. Damian could tell what was going on and pushed and you didn’t. And I appreciate that.”

Cady still looks frustrated. “I want to be in your corner, Janis.”

“You are in my corner,” Janis responds, reaching across the table and squeezing one of Cady’s hands, “Promise.”

Cady doesn’t meet her gaze, but she does squeeze Janis’ hand back, “Is it because I have a shit poker face?”

Janis snorts, “It doesn’t help. But I do appreciate that about you. I know you’re never lying.”

Cady laughs a little, and Janis can feel her relax.

She almost doesn’t want to ask, but she needs to know too badly, “Who else knows about me and Regina?”

“Um,” Cady’s ears turn red, “Gretchen’s asking questions. Karen’s busy with Faith. Regina… I haven’t seen her since this morning, I think she mentioned something about going out with Shane? She still doesn’t really tell us much, but she does text us if she’s coming home late, so that’s something, I guess.”

Janis hums, unsure of what she’ll tell Gretchen when the time comes, but knowing that she should probably speak to Regina first.

-

The women’s center is such an interesting place.

It’s an amalgamation of everything queer, and tonight, everything creative. Since she came in, there have been three different performers of wildly different levels of skill. One girl wrote a poem about her parents’ divorce, another girl about the doomed incoming administration, and the third person did something comparing coming out to untangling earbuds. Janis guesses she can see the vision there, but it came out more wordy than anything.

She’s hovering towards the back of the room, snacking aimlessly on a bag of Cheetos that she didn’t buy since everything on the snack table is free, but she did drop a five dollar bill into the donation jar. They’re probably the most expensive Cheetos that she’s ever had.

Grace and Taylor are sitting in the audience, muttering back and forth to each other. They offered Janis a seat, but she prefers her spot here.

The turnout is more than Janis was expecting, with at least 25 people swarming the women’s center. Maybe half of them have a little ticket with a number on it for performance order. Maddie, who’s in charge, looks like they’re about to have a stroke, and Janis can’t help but feel bad. It must suck organizing things like this.

She’s made her way back to her spot after throwing out the bag from her Cheetos when someone taps her on the shoulder.

Janis recognizes the person to be Skylar, someone she spoke to when she came for the first time. They’ve got a little smile on their face and a ticket pokes out from the breast pocket of their flannel.

“Nice to see you made it back,” they grin, “I, uh, went to one of your games.”

“Really?” Janis raises an eyebrow, “I hope it wasn’t the one we lost.”

“Nah, you guys won,” Skylar responds, leaning against the wall next to Janis, “It was more interesting than I thought it’d be. And my friend talked me through the whole thing… like the penalties and what cards are and all that.”

“Oh, love that,” Janis feels a little awkward, unsure of why she’s being approached right now. Regina’s told her time and time again that she has an intimidating don’t talk to me vibe, and Janis normally tries to use that to her advantage. Clearly, it’s not working.

Skylar rocks on their heels, looking at Janis like they’re trying to figure something out, “What brought you back here?”

“Uh, roommate,” Janis says softly as the next person stands in the front of the room, “Season’s over, too, I have nothing to do.”

Skylar hums, and Janis follows their gaze to the front of the room.

There’s a pause in the conversation while the girl up front performs. It’s some bullshit that Janis can’t keep track of and it’s not good. If Janis has any idea, it’s something about sex, but she doesn’t think that she’s getting the metaphor correctly and she’s not sure if she wants to get it right.

But when she finishes, Skylar’s back to talking, and Janis almost jumps. She completely forgot that they were there.

“Since your season’s over and your schedule’s opened up,” their eyes dance and Janis feels her skin crawl, “Would you want to go out for dinner sometime?”

“Oh!” Janis’ eyes widen. She’s never felt more uncomfortable in her entire life. “Um, I… really appreciate it, but I’m… I kinda, I have someone? I mean, like, we’re not… but we kinda are? I definitely shouldn’t… I’m sorry.”

Skylar hums, “That’s okay. But if that ends… I’m here a lot.”

They move to the other side of the room and Janis kind of wants to scream into her hands, but she definitely can’t do that in public. She wishes Regina were here. Regina would hate this, but she’d at least be here. Not to mention, she’d scare anyone off without prompting.

As the night winds to a close and people leave, some upperclassman brings out some booze and Rebecca, Taylor’s older sister, hands Janis a solo cup.

“Saw you talking to Skylar earlier,” she brings Janis over to some empty seats, away from everyone else, “You two would be cute together.”

“Not what I’m looking for,” Janis replies, sipping on the drink until she realizes it’ll be better to just down it in one gulp. She downs the rest of it quickly. “Do you guys have better events than this?”

“Mm, depends,” Rebecca leans back in her chair and there’s a tipsy smile on her face. “What’s your definition of better?”

“Less poetry,” Janis picks at the rim of the cup, “so much less poetry.”

Rebecca laughs. Janis smiles as the alcohol settles in her chest.

“So,” Rebecca nudges Janis’ knee with her own, “Who’s the girl?”

“What do you mean?” Janis’ eyes meet hers. “There’s no girl.”

“Sure there is!” Rebecca responds, “Don’t fuck with me, Janis. Tell me about her. I can sniff out a crush from a mile away. It’s not Grace, is it? Because Taylor’s my sister and she’s so in love with Grace.”

“No, not Grace,” Janis sighs and puts her cup on the empty chair next to her. There’s no one around, not really. No one in earshot. “She’s… in the closet. And in complete denial. Well, a bunch of denial. Less than before but more than is good for anyone, you know?”

“I’ve had my fair share of those,” Rebecca grabs the bottle from under her chair and gestures to Janis’ empty cup, “More?”

“Just a little,” Janis hums, grinning when Rebecca gives her a generous pour. She’s lucky that her first class isn’t too early tomorrow morning. “What’s your worst?”

Rebecca downs her drink before answering.

“Lily Holland,” she sets her cup on a table behind herself. “Graduated last year. Fucking gorgeous. Like, the type of girl that everyone’s had a crush on at some point? That was her. Her boyfriend when he got here was the quarterback of the football team, he was two years older than her, I think? Total dick. But we had a class together sophomore year and got paired together and… whatever. She wanted to experiment and I was excited to have someone to kiss. I don’t think I realized that I had fallen for her until we stopped seeing each other. She never broke up with the boyfriend, either, so I was this dirty little secret.”

“Jesus Christ,” Janis winces. She’s pretty sure that she’d have killed Regina by now if there was a man involved somehow. “How long?”

“Like, my entire junior year,” Rebecca scowls.

Janis can feel the alcohol hitting her as Rebeccas asks, “What about your girl?”

“I told you about her already.”

“You told me that she’s in denial,” Rebecca retorts, sitting a little taller. “Why do you like her, babe?”

Janis hums. Why does she like Regina? All their relationship has been is walking on eggshells, hiding things that shouldn’t have to be hidden, hot and cold pissy matches of bullshit that Janis would rather not have to deal with.

But…

“She’s… I don’t know. She listens to me. Doesn’t make me feel stupid. We watch shows together and whenever I get to pick, she doesn’t get mad when I talk over the characters. She asks questions. And she makes… I dunno how to put it, but like, she lays on me and I feel grounded. I’ve never felt that way with a girlfriend before. I’m always like, go away, but with her… I feel like I have to…” Janis bites on the inside of her cheek, words evading her.

“Did you guys meet in class?” Rebecca asks.

“Uh,” Janis shrugs, “I guess. We were, like, seven. She was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen. Still is. But like, she’s hot now. And so fucking annoying. But also perfect. And I lo-”

Janis clamps her hand over her mouth. She doesn’t. No, she doesn’t. The word taste right on her tongue but it’s way too complicated for them to ever leave her mouth. She needs to shut the fuck up. She needs to stop being tipsy in public. That’s how they broke up last time.

“That’s so…” Rebecca’s voice is soft, “that’s like my dream come true. Aside from the denial part, obviously.”

Janis picks at her nail. She couldn’t agree more.

“What do I do?” Janis asks, almost rhetorically. “I feel like I’m falling into a pit.”

“Talk to her, probably,” Rebecca suggests.

“I just want things to be easier,” Janis furrows her eyebrows and focuses on a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “And maybe for her to kiss me. We haven’t kissed since Halloween, how fucked up is that?”

“Really fucked up,” Rebecca props her head up on her hand. “My mom’s always told me and Tay to go for it. If it’s love, there’s nothing to lose. I think it’s bullshit, but I’ve also ignored it before and hated every second of it. She really believes in the idea of love is letting go. You either love someone and they stay, or you love them and they go, but what you don’t do is kill yourself to love them. Especially in silence.”

“I’m too drunk for this conversation,” Janis mutters, tugging at the thread a little.

“You had two shots.”

“Yeah.”

Rebecca hums, “Bring her here sometime. Maddie had a really hard time coming out, but now they run this place. And there’s like four other people like her. Maybe hearing about it from people who have come out will help her.”

Or it’ll make things worse, Janis thinks cynically.

“Maybe I just go to her dorm now and kiss her,” Janis thinks aloud, grabbing her cup again, “Give me more.”

“Oh, no,” Rebecca takes the cup from Janis’ hand with a little laugh that feels more mocking than it probably is. “You’re not making drunk kissing mistakes on my watch, babe. Come on, I’ll bring you back to your dorm. And you’ll think about this all tomorrow.”

Janis furrows her eyebrows but obliges.

She’ll talk to Regina. Soon. She promises.

Chapter Text

After swearing up and down that she won’t go to Regina’s dorm and beg for a kiss like a lovesick puppy, Janis mills about campus, humming to herself and letting herself get lost in her thoughts.

Maybe she does feel the big feelings for Regina. Maybe she feels something beyond like-liking her. Maybe it’s always been there and waiting to come out after so many years apart.

She can’t act like she ever really got over Regina to begin with. Regina’s always been in the back of her mind, even after all these years, and having her for the past few months - even while frustrating - have filled a hole that she’s been trying to fill for years.

Janis remembers meeting Cady and thinking that maybe she was what Janis was looking for. She and Janis got along, they talked all the time, they came to each other with menial drama and big events. Janis felt like she finally had someone in her corner again, even though something still felt missing.

She remembers then meeting Damian and being apprehensive at first, but he firmly planted himself in her life and hasn’t wavered since. Janis didn’t understand for a long time why she still felt like she was missing something until she saw Regina again, sitting in that stupid fucking floor meeting, surrounded by people that Janis had never seen before.

She remembers the way her anger flared in her chest. She remembers wanting to kill someone because how dare Regina show up in her life again. And then she remembers seeing Regina at that party, how perfect she looked even though something was so clearly changed about her, how badly she wanted more after Regina kissed her the first time.

For the first time in years, something in Janis’ chest wasn’t empty anymore. She doesn’t know how to tell anyone that without feeling insane, but it’s how she feels.

Janis is a couple of buildings down from her dorm when her phone buzzes in her pocket.

She groans, not wanting to take her cold hands out of her pockets, but she checks anyway and is surprised when she sees that Regina’s the one calling her.

“Hello?” Janis sing-songs into the phone, heart already fluttering at the prospect of Regina being on the other end. She really needs to dial it back.

“Where are you?” Regina’s voice is soft, but it sounds like something’s urgent.

“Uh,” Janis huffs a breath into the cold November air, “Walking. I’m not far.”

There’s a pause. Janis wonders if Regina hung up.

“Are you drunk?”

“I was,” Janis admits, starting her walk back to the dorms, “Why are you looking for me? Miss me?”

“I’m going to hang up on you,” Regina warns, but Janis doesn’t believe it for a second. A grin pulls at the corners of her mouth and she catches her tongue between her teeth. She must look like something out of a bad romcom right now, but she can’t find it in herself to care.

“Why are you looking for me?” Janis asks again, voice coming out as more of a whine this time, “You could just say you miss me.”

“I…” Janis can hear Regina’s breath catch, like she’s trying not to say something. “Do you even know what time it is?”

“Haven’t checked, no.”

“It’s eleven,” Regina retorts. Janis’ heart almost stops for a second because she really did not realize that it was that late. Whoops. At least she’s on her way back to the dorms. “Which is why I thought you’d be home.”

“Well,” Janis quickens her pace a little, “I dunno. Can you just answer my question? Why are you looking for me?”

Regina’s quiet on the other end and Janis worries that this time she really did hang up, but if she listens really closely, she can hear Regina breathing on the other end.

Finally, a sigh, “Are you on your way back?”

“Yeah,” Janis fumbles around for her keys as she approaches the building, “Can you answer my question?”

“Can you be any slower?” Regina retorts, and Janis rolls her eyes.

Sure, some days she’s pretty convinced that Regina could figure out a way to walk on water, but holy shit, is this girl stubborn. Janis swears that it’s half the reason that she finds her so attractive, but it’s also a little infuriating. Janis wants to kiss her about it.

“Did you forget that I have little legs?” Janis asks, voice snarky, “Not all of us are giraffes.”

“This is the second time in 48 hours that you’ve called me a giraffe.”

“I’m going to change your name in my phone to Regina Giraffe,” Janis threatens half-heartedly, using her key card to get into the building, “How long are you going to avoid answering me?”

“How long is it going to take you to get here?” Regina responds in that classic my patience is evading me way. Janis decides to take the stairs when she sees that the elevator is on the fourth floor.

“Literally thirty seconds,” Janis pushes the stairwell door open and skips up the stairs two at a time. She hears Regina make some kind of noise into the phone and kind of wants to bottle it up forever.

By some miracle, she doesn’t trip and die on the way, and she gets to their floor in no time.

When she does, she sees Regina sitting in one of the studying rooms. She’s completely dressed down, wearing the same hoodie as she was last night and a pair of PJ pants that Janis knows are the softest things known to man because she has a pair herself. The only thing stopping her from looking like she’s ready for bed are her sneakers, a pair of Nikes that Janis doesn’t really care to know the details of but knows are expensive.

Her AirPods are in, and her phone rests on her chest like it’s something sacred.

“Found you,” Janis says softly, still holding her phone to her ear.

She watches as Regina looks around before finally seeing Janis, and her expression goes from alert to immediately relaxed. Janis has no idea of how she’s going to get her feelings under control if Regina keeps looking at her like this.

Janis hears the click of Regina hanging up and puts her phone back in her pocket, crossing the hallway to the study room.

It’s a small room with only a table big enough for four people to sit around and a whiteboard on one wall and a sliding door on another wall. Regina’s left the door open, and stands up when Janis gets to the doorway.

“Hey,” the corner of Regina’s mouth twitches like she’s trying to smile, but something’s stopping her. Janis hopes that she isn’t it.

“Hey,” Janis leans against the doorway, “Why are you looking for me?”

Regina’s eyes don’t meet Janis’ immediately, and Janis catches her pulling at her fingers. It’s like she’s trying to make the words happen with her hands rather than her mouth. 

Janis wants to reach out and take Regina’s hands in her own, but she’s not sure if she’s allowed to do that. She’s still unsure of their boundaries in their new dynamic, and she knows that the adult thing to do is ask, but there’s nothing that she’d rather do less.

(There’s a voice in her head screaming that Regina slept on top of her last night, staked claim over her like Janis was hers to do that with, but Janis doesn’t count that.)

“I can’t sleep,” Regina says softly, like it’s painful for her to admit out loud. “I just… every fucking time I close my eyes, I’m at fucking Thanksgiving dinner and Nana keels over and dies and my mother is there setting me up with a man.”

Janis is a little taken aback, “… like, as she’s dying?”

“I didn’t say it made sense.”

“Okay then,” Janis hums, “so where does this involve me?”

Regina looks wholly unimpressed at the question and exasperated, like she’s waiting for Janis to put the pieces together but Janis is pretty sure that this puzzle is only being seen by one of them. Maybe she’s still drunk. That’d make sense.

“Janis…”

“I can’t be trusted to think,” Janis whines, “I had two shots.”

Regina blinks. Janis wonders if she just caused a factory reset in her.

“Where the fuck even were you?”

“The women’s center,” Janis rests her head against the doorway, willing herself not to trip over the sliding door’s tracks beneath her shoes.

Regina looks even more confused, “Why the fuck were you drinking there?”

Janis feels confused now and furrows her eyebrows, “They had booze? One of the girls gave it to me.”

Now, Regina’s expression shifts to horrified, “Aren’t they a medical thing?”

“What?”

“Like,” Regina snaps her fingers as if that’ll help her think. It’s never worked for Janis. “Planned Parenthood? Right? Isn’t that what it is? Abortions, condoms, whatever?”

Janis is flabbergasted. Regina must be messing with her. There’s no possible way that this conversation is real. There is no way that Regina is messing up Planned Parenthood and the women’s center. Did Janis do acid? Did Regina do acid?

“The women’s center is like…” Janis doesn’t know how to explain this without an implication that Regina’s stupid. She knows that Regina isn’t stupid. Regina’s like one of the smartest people that Janis knows. “I dunno. A gay hub. There are women’s health centers, I think, but this is just… a bunch of dykes gaying around.”

“Oh fuck,” Regina winces, “I’m dumb.”

“No, you’re not,” Janis insists, “It’s probably good you got concerned. Drinking at a Planned Parenthood sounds like an oxymoron.”

Regina hums, eyes focused on the ground like it’ll help her refocus. Janis wishes Regina’s eyes were on her instead, but she counts her blessings because Regina’s standing in front of her and that’s better than she was doing this summer.

“You wanted me,” Janis says slowly. “What for?”

Regina’s ears turn red and Janis takes more delight in it than she should. God, if only she could lean forward and kiss Regina without making this entirely too fucking weird. And she promised Rebecca that she wouldn’t, not until they’d talked their shit out, and Janis isn’t in the position for that conversation tonight.

“I wanted to sleep over,” Regina says quickly, all in one breath, almost like the words are chasing her. “That’s why I called you.”

Her eyes twinkle with sincerity and Janis swears that she nearly melts right there.

“Okay,” Janis hums, “Let’s. But I… need PJs.”

“Okay,” Regina’s voice is quieter this time, and she stares at Janis for a long time before asking, “Are you going to… move?”

“Oh!” Janis nods, stepping out of the doorway and in the direction of her dorm. She waits for Regina to turn off the lights and close the sliding door before leading the way down the hall.

“You really thought that the women’s center was an abortion clinic?”

Regina sighs, running a hand through her hair as if that will shield her from the inevitable teasing, “Shut up.”

“Never,” Janis bumps her shoulder against Regina’s arm as they come to her door. She unlocks her door, “That’s one for the history books, Reg.”

“I hope you’re drunk enough where you forget all of this,” Regina says with nothing but fake malice in her tone.

Janis opens the door to her dorm and flips on the lights, “Make yourself comfortable, dummy.”

“Dummy’s a bit harsh,” Regina says, hesitating by the side of the bed. Janis doesn’t understand it. She wanted to be here. She’s been here before. This isn’t the weirdest thing that they’ve done in this room.

“It’s okay,” Janis assures her, rifling through her drawers for a t-shirt and a pair of PJ pants, “Your face makes up for it.”

Regina looks amused at that and her shoulders relax a little. “Thank you.”

Janis smiles, “You’re welcome.”

She leaves Regina in the room and heads down to the bathroom to change and brush her teeth, a giddy feeling in her gut the entire time. Regina’s in her room. She wants to be there and she’s there because Janis is safe for her.

Maybe this thing that they’re doing isn’t the most defined, but she feels safe with Regina and Regina feels safe with her. That’s something magical.

When Janis gets back to her room, Regina’s laying in her bed, hoodie ditched and draped on the back of Janis’ desk chair, scrolling on her phone and biting her lip like she’s thinking hard. Janis has to stop herself from picturing this as her forever.

“I thought you fell in,” Regina says softly, turning off her phone.

Janis snorts, dropping her clothes from the day into her laundry bin, “Can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Regina hums, “What a shame.”

Janis turns off the lights and climbs into bed, delighted by how warm it is beneath the covers this time. Her bed’s felt too cold recently and it’s so nice that Regina’s back in her spot.

Regina breaks the silence, “When are you going home for Thanksgiving?”

“Uh,” Janis adjusts herself so that she’s facing Regina in bed. They’re almost touching. Their knees are just barely grazing each other. Just another inch and they’d be fully cuddling each other. Janis waits for Regina to take the step and answers her question in the meantime, “I’m not. Too expensive and too stupid a holiday.”

Janis can make out Regina’s surprised face in the moonlight.

“That’s… criminal,” Regina huffs, “You’re just going to be here the whole time? Alone?”

“Cady’s going to be local. And you’ll be local, too, if you feel like pitying me and hanging out. Grace invited me to spend the day with her family, but I’ve never met them and I think I’d rather die,” Janis’ voice lowers to a whisper for only the two of them to hear. “It’s okay. Thanksgiving is a dumb holiday.”

“Well, yeah,” Regina replies, “but it’s not something that you want to spend alone.”

“You’re telling me you’d rather spend the holiday with your mom than alone?” Janis asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Well…” Regina sighs, “Fine. I guess you have a point. This year’s cursed already, my aunt is coming home. I don’t know how Nana convinced her because she fucking hates my mom.”

“Divine intervention or something,” Janis yawns against her pillow, “Listen, if you hate Thanksgiving, you can always leave early and come spend it with me. That’s something.”

“It is an option,” Regina leans forward and her arm lands on Janis’ waist, “Thank you for letting me be here.”

“It’s not all about you, I sleep better like this, too,” Janis says, wrapping her arms around Regina with reckless abandon, “even if you’re like a dead person.”

“Some would call that a blessing,” Regina retorts, voice softer now.

Janis itches to lean down and press a kiss to Regina’s hair, but she holds back for now.

“It’s a heart attack waiting to happen,” Janis responds, fingers dancing along the spot where the sleeve of Regina’s t-shirt meets the body of it. “Goodnight, Regina.”

Regina lets out a little sigh that Janis plans on replaying in her head forever.

“Goodnight, Janis.”

Chapter Text

Regina, if she’s being honest, would like to go back to the woman she was six hours ago.

Six hours ago Regina was curled up in her bed, Janis pressed into her back, legs tangled together like they’re something more than friends, warm, and safe.

Current Regina, on the other hand, is none of those things. She’s rigidly standing in the living room of her grandmother’s house, holding a glass of wine that’s probably more expensive than her tuition, and watching as her sister organizes a stack of playing cards on the coffee table by suit and then number.

Regina remembers trying wine for the first time when she was 15, at a function not too dissimilar to this one, and while she hasn’t grown to love it like her mother, it’s not the worst thing she’s drank. And it’s taking the edge off, ever-so-slightly.

Regina’s mother is sulking in another corner, already on her second glass despite only getting here half an hour ago. Her father is talking to his brother, Harrison, who Regina hasn’t seen in a handful of years.

Her dad is dressed up like this is just below a black tie event - light gray button-up, navy blue dress pants with a matching blazer currently draped over his arm, dress shoes that cost more than his car, and his gray hair combed perfectly to cover his bald spot.

Harrison is just as tall as Regina’s dad, and has the same blue eyes, but his hair is darker and speckled with gray. He’s got a blue patterned button-up shirt on and a pair of dress pants, but wears a pair of dark gray Vans like they’re dress shoes. He’s happier than Regina’s dad. He smiles at everyone, constantly pushes his glasses back up on his nose, and he keeps fussing with his hair only for his wife to fix it again every five minutes. It’s cute.

Her name is Rachel, if Regina’s not mistaken. And their kid is Micah. (And he’s three years older than Kylie. That is, if Regina’s keeping track of everything correctly.)

Rachel’s in and out of the living room, taking time to help Joan. Regina would, but she’s been banned from everything that’s not dessert.

They’re waiting on the third of Nana Joan’s children, Becca, and her “partner” (Regina’s nervous about that word being used to describe them, the last thing she wants tonight is for her mother to have a homophobic meltdown), Ryan. Regina’s met Becca barely enough times to count on one hand, and she’s never heard of Ryan until today. 

She takes another sip of her wine.

Regina then looks back to Kylie, who’s putting her cards together in a perfect pile, and sits down on the couch next to her. She places her glass down on the table and sticks her hand out, silently asking for the cards.

“What are we gonna play?” Kylie asks, shifting so that she can face Regina.

“Whatever you want, babe,” Regina responds, flipping the cards over and spreading them out in her hand so that she can see her sister’s work. The cards are all oriented in the same direction, and they’re alternating colors - clubs first, then hearts, then spades, and finally, diamonds. 

“I think Mom will get mad if we play 52-pickup,” Kylie stage-whispers. Regina smiles. Their mom would be pissed. It almost makes Regina want to do it.

She glances up at where her dad and Harrison were standing, and notices that Harrison is now on another side of the room, talking to his son.

“Dad,” Regina gets his attention quicker than she was expecting. “Can you shuffle these?”

He nods wordlessly and walks over to the coffee table, “You haven’t learned to shuffle yet?”

“I still think it’s impossible,” Regina replies, watching as her dad crouches down by the coffee table and masterfully shuffles the cards a couple of times. He doesn’t even look like he’s struggling in the slightest, and Regina’s as jealous of the skill as she is impressed.

“Not impossible,” he cuts the deck again, “This is a good set of cards, too. Flexible. I could show you how to do it, Reggie.”

“What about me, Daddy?” Kylie pouts, resting her head in her hands. “Can you show me?”

“Yeah,” he organizes the cards again before handing them to Kylie. “Break the deck in half, Ky.”

Kylie nods, tongue poking between her teeth as she tries to find the midpoint of the cards and separates them into two stacks. Their dad guides Kylie through putting the cards together in a pointed formation so that they fall and interlock with one another, and it all goes well until he tries to show her how to make the arch so that they can all fall into one pile and some cards spill out.

“Aw,” Kylie murmurs. “Dang it.”

“You did better than me, Ky,” Regina smooths her sister’s hair.

“Ah, Reg, your turn,” her dad hands her the pile and Regina pauses. He’s rarely this communicative with her. That is normally reserved for Kylie and Kylie only.

Still, Regina tries to go with it, “Who said it was my turn?”

“Come on, if Ky can do it,” he tries handing her the deck again. Regina takes it this time, running her thumb over the top of it. “Just one try.”

Regina hums, and cuts the deck just like she watched them do. Her issue is the initial folding them together. She always lets too much go with one thumb and too little with the other.

Slowly, she releases them, and they fold together in a semi-awkward fashion. Regina quickly pushes them into one pile, not even wanting to attempt the arch, and her dad makes a victorious noise.

“Not bad.”

Regina whispers a “Thank you.” She’ll take it.

They set up a game of Go Fish and are halfway through when Becca comes through. Regina doesn’t miss the way that her father’s back stiffens, or how her mother downs the rest of her wine before scurrying off to the kitchen like there’s anything for her to tend to.

Becca, despite not being here in god-knows-how-many years, looks completely at home in an expensive coat. Her hair falls over her shoulders, a dusty blonde that almost leans brown, and her partner following her.

He looks nice. Hair nicely cut and combed, a pair of glasses on his face, facial hair clearly recently trimmed by the stark lines around it. They’re both smiling that uneasy smile, and it’s not until Joan walks into the room that Becca’s shoulders drop and she hugs her mother. 

Becca parts from her and then looks around the room, and her eyes lock with Regina’s for half a second. Regina doesn’t know what to think. What’s the catch here?

Regina looks over and sees her mother sulking harder than before, but some kind of pissed off glare starting. Something is so wrong. It feels like she’s on the outside of something happening and she doesn’t know what to think. Maybe she should’ve stayed with Janis.

“Ryan,” Becca leads them into the living room, “This is my brother, Chris.”

Regina’s dad rises to his feet and shakes Ryan’s hand, “Nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” Ryan smiles kindly and Regina’s stomach twists. He seems far too kind for whatever the hell tonight’s going to bring. 

Becca hugs Regina’s father tightly, whispering something that the rest of them can’t hear, but there’s clearly some kind of understanding happening. Regina’s never been more confused in her life. Regina thought that today’s big thing was going to be her grandmother telling everyone that she’s going to die, but it feels like something else is afoot.

“And his daughters, my nieces, Regina, and Kylie,” Becca says, and Regina stands from her spot on the couch. She walks around the table to shake Ryan’s hand, and then approaches Becca a little more cautiously. She’s not sure if she’s going to get a hug or a nod or a handshake or what.

Becca makes the decision for her, pulling Regina into a hug. “You’re so tall now, babe.”

“Giving you a run for your money,” Regina replies, smiling a little. Becca’s always been nice to her, even though their interactions have been limited. She’s sure that that has something to do with her mother.

“Ky, have you met Becca?” Regina asks, taking Kylie’s hand when her sister shows up at her side.

“I don’t think so,” Kylie responds.

“You two look like twins,” Becca says. Regina’s heard that one before, and she’s compared the pictures herself. She’s not wrong. “Nice to meet you, Kylie.”

“Nice to meet you,” Kylie smiles big. “Dad said you’re his little sister.”

“Yeah,” Becca gets down on her level. “That means we have to stick together tonight and annoy all of our siblings.”

There’s a collective sigh from Regina, her father, and Ryan (which surprises Regina). 

She smiles at him anyway. “Nice to meet you.”

“You, too,” he shakes her hand.

“You have siblings?” Regina asks, twisting the ring on her thumb.

“Oldest of four,” Ryan laughs a little.

Regina has to hold back from saying something like holy shit because really, she can’t imagine having that many siblings, and settles on a barely breathed “Jesus” instead.

The five of them devolve into easy conversation, with Becca asking about what Regina’s doing at school, Regina and her father asking Ryan about himself, and Kylie asking Becca what Broadway is like.

They’re easy to talk to. Regina learns that along with being the oldest of four, Ryan’s the only one of his siblings to not graduate college, but he’s been a very successful bartender for years now. He mentions an ex-husband at one point, as well as two kids, but they’re with said ex-husband for the holiday and coparenting isn’t the worst thing when you’re still friends with your ex. When asked about what happened, Regina notices how Ryan tenses for a second and Becca just says that things change. 

It’s all fine until Regina’s mother decides to butt in.

“So lovely that you decided to finally come this year,” June remarks, swirling her wine around in its glass. She snorts into it. “I thought you’d never come back. Ha!”

“Thanks, June,” Becca’s shoulders tighten and she glances back at Regina’s dad. “Where’s Harry?”

“He’s upstairs with Micah. They’ll want to see you, go ahead,” her father responds. Regina swallows. Her father looks at her and Kylie. “Go see if Nana needs help plating things.”

A subtle I need to talk to your mom. Regina gets it. She grabs Kylie’s hand and leads her into the kitchen. Joan’s stacking plates on the kitchen table, and Rachel’s plating up the sides. It’s grand. 

“Mom and Dad are fighting,” Kylie announces at an almost concerning volume.

“They do that,” Joan huffs. “Come on, Kylie, grab forks for me.”

“And me?” Regina asks, earning a look from her grandmother.

“Sit. And don’t move.”

Regina looks at Kylie, “I’m being jailed, babe.”

“That’s okay,” Kylie says, not an ounce of sympathy in her tone. Regina almost laughs.

She does as asked, and sits down at the table. She watches as her grandmother and aunt work, and helps Kylie whenever she needs something.

Less than twenty minutes pass before dinner is ready, and Regina’s only task is helping Harrison bring the turkey into the dining room. Regina likes Harrison. He’s nice, he always gives her cool little California-themed trinkets at Christmas, and his wife isn’t the spawn of Satan. So far, it seems like the only one with a garbage partner is her own father.

When it’s just them in the dining room, he pours her a small glass of wine and asks about what she’s doing at Northwestern, and she sticks to her schoolwork. Classes are good, she has some friends, and her dorm isn’t haunted. He tells her about his experience at Stanford and how he and his friends once mixed drinks in a trash can.

“And you lived to tell the tale?” Regina asks as Becca and Ryan come into the room. “Impressive.”

“What did you just tell her about?” Becca asks, taking a seat next to the the head of the table. “Garbage gate?”

“You can’t just add gate to everything,” Harrison replies, “but yes.”

“Harry’s the definition of do as I say, not as I do,” Becca says with a laugh.

“Hey, I’m doing pretty well,” Harrison takes his own seat at the other end of the table.

Regina’s father and mother come into the dining room next, and Regina decides she’ll sit between her mother and Kylie to minimize any insanity. She doesn’t want to sit next to her mother, but she doesn’t want anyone else to have to deal with that, either, especially seeing as her mother is properly drunk now. Her stomach twists again.

Everyone else piles into the room not too long after, and they start dinner without preamble. Regina’s sure her mother is close to screaming but she somehow stays quiet.

Regina hears the grunts of disapproval from her mother when Regina adds anything to her plate, but she tries to ignore it, just as she ignored the initial comments about the Freshman 15 when she came home one day and caught her mother at the wrong time.

They’re halfway through the dinner when someone drops the first bomb. It’s Harrison. He mentions how one of his best friends recently came out to him and how the dating scene for gay men seems horrendous in all the same and different ways from straight dating. It’s a passive comment, but Regina’s mother stiffens.

“My gay friends say it’s not that bad,” Becca comments, “Maybe he needs to move to the city.”

“We’re basically in San Francisco, he shouldn’t be having that hard of a time,” Harrison shrugs, “I thought about offering to go to a gay bar with him, but I don’t think… I might be too straight.”

“Let’s not talk about bars at the table, there are children present,” June says, tone verging on pissed. Regina feels like she’s reliving the hellscape that was Families Weekend. It’s always about the children present. Meanwhile, Kylie isn’t even paying attention and Micah’s talking with his mom about something that no one else can hear.

Her mother takes another sip of her wine. Regina hasn’t even touched hers.

“Don’t you have other gay friends, Harry? Introduce him to some of them,” Joan suggests.

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Harrison sighs. “I just want him to be happy.”

“He has you in his corner, I’m sure he is,” Rachel assures him.

Regina keeps her eyes on her plate. 

“Becs,” Regina’s dad speaks up. “You were… uh, seeing a woman last time we talked, what happened?”

Regina stops herself from having a visceral reaction. There is no way that her father is asking her aunt about her girlfriend right now. There is no way that the same father that stood by her mother ripping apart Janis and Shane to Regina’s face is asking about a woman’s girlfriend.

Regina’s mother snorts, “She knew the right path.”

“June,” Regina’s grandmother’s voice comes out in a growl.

“Uh,” Becca glances at Ryan. “We’re still together.”

The table goes silent.

Ryan clears his throat, “I transitioned two years ago. I gave Becca the out, she didn’t take it.”

“Why would I?” Becca squeezes his hand, “I love you.”

“Oh!” Regina doesn’t know if she wants to see her father’s face right now. She kind of wants to disappear into the floor. “Wow. I… uh, wow, I never would’ve guessed.”

Something else is said but all Regina can hear is her heart thumping in her ears. There’s some kind of tension at the table and Regina kind of wants to die.

“Wait,” Kylie asks, “You can do that?”

“No, you can’t,” her mother growls.

“Mom,” Regina glares at her mother, “Stop.”

“No!” her mother slams her hand on the table. “Don’t put this shit into her head. First it was you and Janis. Now it’s this… transitioning shit. It’s bullshit. Rebecca, I thought you fucking figured out the right way to be, but now you’re just making a mockery-”

“Stop!” Regina interrupts. “Stop. Who the fuck cares?”

“Regina-”

“Mom, who the fuck cares? Ryan is perfectly normal. Becca is normal. Harrison’s gay friend is normal. Stop acting like they have a fucking disease or something. They are fine. They’re great, even, and you need to stop acting like they’re personally trying to offend you when they’re just living their lives,” Regina retorts.

June snarls, “Please, now you sound like you’re with them.”

“So what if I am?” Regina exclaims, “How does that affect you?”

“I have to see it…”

Regina’s jaw tightens.

“… and I shouldn’t have to deal with that just because some people can’t keep it in their pants.”

“Now you’re just being a fucking bigot,” Regina retorts. “Gay people aren’t just going to fuck off because you’re a little uncomfortable. And the fact that you’re uncomfortable sounds like a you problem, not theirs. So what if someone wants to kiss boys instead of girls? Or both? Or none? What the fuck does that have to do with you? You just want to be fucking mean to people to distract from the fact that you’re a miserable drunk who had a daughter that didn’t want to follow you around and do everything that you asked.”

“You did before you met those people, Regina. You understood the right way to do things for years! And then they poisoned you!”

“They loved me!” Regina exclaims, tears of frustration springing to her eyes. “More than you ever have! They loved me enough to let me figure out what I wanted rather than try and fit into the box that you made for me.”

“They turned you into a fucking dyke, Regina.”

“No, they didn’t! No one turned me into anything! I was born this way. I never fucking liked boys and you telling me that I had to was what confused me. Nothing else. I like girls, Mom. I’m gay. I’m a lesbian. And you have no right to say anything about it because it does not affect you.”

The room is silent. Her mother is glaring at her. Regina’s glaring back. Every muscle in her body is tight. When her mother doesn’t say anything, Regina presses her lips together and turns back to her food.

It’s too quiet. Regina wants to jump out of her own skin, or at the very least, leave the table, but she doesn’t want her mother to win.

“June, you should call a taxi,” Joan finally speaks up. “I don’t want you in my house if you’re going to bully my daughter and my granddaughter.”

Regina’s mother opens her mouth to speak, but her father speaks up first, “I’ll call an Uber for her.”

He takes her out of the room and the gap next to Regina feels like it’s a mile wide.

“Reggie,” Kylie nudges her side, “what’s a bigot?”

“An asshole,” Regina murmurs, “Mom doesn’t like people who… like the same gender or change their gender. She’s mean.”

“Oh.”

Conversation slowly resumes at the table, and Regina’s grandmother takes to explaining more of what Regina meant when talking about her mother. Regina appreciates it. She just wants to go home.

Maybe ten minutes pass before her father returns, taking the spot next to her. He meets her eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. Regina doesn’t know what to think.

“I’m sorry, I’m not going to help the mood any,” Joan’s voice is thick and Regina’s heart clenches. “Chris, Harry, my… my cancer is back.”

Regina tunes out everything after that. She’s heard it already. Her rock is going to die. She’s going to be left with her psycho mother and absent father and way-too-kind little sister. Kylie will probably be brainwashed by them, too. She feels sick just thinking about it.

Regina heads up to the guest room after dinner, wanting to be alone, but she’s being followed.

Her dad stands in the doorway, a sad look on his face. She hopes it’s not for her.

“You know John?”

Regina furrows her eyebrows, “Your partner at work?”

“Yeah,” he closes the door behind himself but doesn’t make his way into the room any more. “His s-daughter. She… she killed herself. Couple of months ago.”

“Oh,” Regina’s quiet. She didn’t know John had a daughter. She only met his son a couple of times at some random functions.

“She told him back in April that she… wanted to transition,” her dad looks uncomfortable as he says it. “He wanted to have her go through with it. Socially at first, hormones down the line, all that. And he explained it all to me and I was not receptive. I thought he was abusing his kid. Letting her be brainwashed. And then he’s gone from work for two weeks. He came back and told me that she killed herself. Kids were bullying her at school and she had depression her whole life and… he found her.”

“Dad…”

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “For everything. I… thought that I was right. I thought your mom was… right. I called Becca after this all happened and asked her to explain it to me and that I’d be better and she did. And I still don’t… I don’t get it. I don’t understand how people can like the same gender. But I don’t want to push you further away just because I’m confused about how it all works.”

Regina feels like she has to pinch herself. Are these actual words coming out of her father’s mouth right now? Is this an actual thing that’s happening? She must be hallucinating.

“I want you to be happy, Reg,” he moves closer, sitting on the empty part of the bed. “I know we have a lot to go, but I want you to be happy. Even if that means your life won’t look how I thought it would.”

“I’m sorry, this just feels like such a 180,” Regina says softly. I don’t know how to trust this sits on the tip of her tongue but feels too harsh to say.

“I know.”

Regina meets his eyes, “It shouldn’t have taken someone dying for you to figure out that your views were bad.”

“I know. Becca told me that. In much harsher terms.”

Regina nods. That does give her some reassurance.

“For the record,” he says quietly. “I am proud of you, Regina.”

Regina’s lip quivers.

“You still have a lot of work to do,” Regina responds, her voice wavering.

“I know,” he sounds almost sheepish. “I am staying home, though. To help my mom, to rebuild things with you, and… I’m going to sue your mom for full custody of Kylie.”

Regina feels like she can breathe for the first time in hours.

“Thank you.”

He squeezes her shoulder.

There’s a beat of silence. It feels like understanding.

“… are you seeing anyone?”

Regina almost laughs and the sincerity almost makes her cry.

“Kind of,” she says simply. “Not really. But I do like her.”

“Good,” he smiles gently. “When it becomes something, tell me, okay? I want to meet her.”

“I will.”

Chapter Text

“Are you headed home soon?”

Regina nods as she puts the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, “I’m staying at the dorms, but yeah.”

Becca and Ryan are upstairs in one of the guest bedrooms, apparently staying here until Saturday. Her dad and Kylie left a little bit ago being that she’d reached the end of her social battery for the day, and Harrison took his family back to the AirBNB that they’re staying at not too long after. It’s just Regina and her grandmother now.

Her grandmother hums as she stacks some more takeout containers on the counter, all filled with different foods and some with plates already fixed. Regina already knows those are going to be put in her hands.

“Wait, are you alone at the dorms?” her grandmother asks, almost sounding offended.

“No,” Regina shakes her head as she ducks below the sink to grab a dishwasher pod and pop it in. “Janis is there. Her parents couldn’t afford to fly her back at peak season twice, and she doesn’t care about the holiday.”

One would think someone punched Joan square in the face.

“Jesus Christ. Regina, you should’ve told me! I would’ve sent her myself. Or invited her here. Spending Thanksgiving alone is sad.”

Regina gives her grandmother a look. Joan narrows her eyes, as if she’s saying try me.

“I wouldn’t have wanted Janis to deal with that,” Regina says quietly. She feels like she’s in trouble. She might be. “Besides, Mom would’ve flipped the fuck out even sooner.”

“I should’ve kicked her out sooner,” her grandmother replies, sounding almost disgusted.

Regina doesn’t know what to say to that, and instead focuses on starting the dishwasher and washing her hands. Today’s been a lot. She doesn’t even know how to begin processing it, and since her conversation with her father, she’s been focused on going back to the dorms and seeing Janis.

(What that means for where her feelings for Janis are at is also something that she’s struggling to process.)

“It’s okay,” Regina says finally. It’ll have to be. She smiles softly as she rolls down her sweater’s sleeves. “I’m going to head back, I think.”

“Okay,” her grandmother reaches forward and holds Regina’s cheek for a second. Her fingers are cold and her manicured nails are dull. She looks at Regina like she’s trying to memorize her face and Regina’s heart clenches in her chest. What is she going to do when this goes away?

A beat passes before her grandmother pulls her into a tight hug. Regina hugs her back just a little looser, and tries to memorize things of her own. The way her grandmother holds her around her shoulders, the way her chin digs into Regina’s collarbone, the way she smells like baked goods and home.

Regina breathes the moment in, but it’s over almost as quickly as it began. Her grandmother gives her one of those cloth grocery bags, full of prepared plates with a piece of paper tucked into the side. “Instructions,” her grandmother tells her, and then adds, “Share with Janis.”

“I will,” she assures her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Reg. Stop by this weekend?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

-

It’s past 10pm when Regina gets back to her dorm, she heads up to the suite and smiles to herself when she notices that it’s unlocked. Janis is here.

Regina gave Janis her key before she left. Janis has been nonstop complaining about how Regina has a much better bed than she does since their initial sleepover in Regina’s dorm. Regina’s tempted to buy Janis a nice mattress pad and some good pillows for Christmas, but she doesn’t know if that’s too big of a gift for a girl that doesn’t even possess a label.

Friends is too small. Too simple. Janis tried to get partners in crime to stick when they were kids, but it never did. Regina followed too many rules for it to work. It doesn’t even work now. They don’t have the benefits of friends with benefits anymore. Regina wants that back, that ability to have Janis that close again, but she’s comfortable with where they are now. It’s safe, even if it leaves something to be desired.

Labels be damned, Regina opens the door to her suite and notices that the only lights on in the common room are the fairy lights strung up around the window. They cast a warm glow on the common room and reflect in the windows and on the TV screen. 

The door to her bedroom is cracked open maybe a foot, and Regina can hear something playing in there. It has a laugh track, and Regina can tell that the light next to her bed is on. She quickly puts the food away in her fridge before stepping into her room.

Janis is asleep and curled into the bed like she belongs there, head on Regina’s pillow and hair done in two neat french braids. It’s a skill of hers that Regina’s envied for years, and evidence that she was bored. She’s brought her own blanket, the same dark green fluffy one that lives on her bed religiously. It’s the one that Regina woke up wrapped in on their first morning together and it’s practically drowning Janis in the bed.

Regina moves around the room carefully, and changes out of her Thanksgiving outfit and into PJ pants and an NYU long sleeve that her father gifted her upon her acceptance. It was one of his few acts of directed love during her high school years.

She dips out of the room again to go to the bathroom, but when she comes back this time, she locks the door behind herself and goes back into her room. Janis’ laptop is still playing her show, and Regina notices that there’s an abandoned laptop charger on her desk that wasn’t there before. She pauses the show and closes the laptop before putting it to charge, and then slowly makes her way into bed.

She doesn’t want to wake Janis accidentally, but with the height of the bed, it seems mostly impossible. It’s much easier to sneak out than to sneak in. 

Regina manages to get in bed without jostling things too much, but Janis makes a noise to her side and her hand moves like she’s looking for something.

When that hand lands on Regina’s stomach, it stops, and Janis stretches with her whole body as she wakes up. Regina feels just as lucky to witness such a thing as she does feel bad that she woke Janis up in the first place.

“Hey,” Janis murmurs, moving her hand off of Regina. Regina misses it immediately, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Hey,” Regina’s voice is soft, “You’re sleeping before 11?”

“I was bored,” Janis whines, half-burying her face in her pillow. “You’re the one that left me alone all day. And then my mom called me, like, wait, what time is it?”

“Basically 11,” Regina shifts so that she’s on her side.

“Jesus,” Janis tries to stifle her yawn, but it shows up all over her face and she shakes it off as best she can. “Whatever. She called me at, like, six or something, asked if I had plans for the night, and when I told her that I didn’t, she got all quiet. Like she thought it was her fault. And I felt bad.”

Regina doesn’t know what to say to that. An I’m sorry feels like salt in the wound. She just makes eye contact with Janis instead and hopes that her sympathy comes across well enough.

“And then you took a nap?” Regina asks.

“No,” Janis seems fully awake now, and Regina’s kind of stunned because who wakes up this quickly? It must be some kind of superpower reserved for Janis. “I was bummed out after our call, and I didn’t want to be in my room, so I went on a run. And then it was dark and I was creeped out, so I came back to my room, took a shower, and then I came here. It… I don’t know. Felt safe or something.”

There’s nowhere to look but at Janis. The sincerity is dripping from her words. Regina doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Janis finds her to be safe. Janis applying that word to her in any capacity feels surreal.

“How was your night?” Janis asks, a little rushed, like she’s trying to chase the other topic away. 

“It was,” Regina hums, not really sure where to begin. “A night.”

Janis is smiling, “You should be a storyteller.”

It’s contagious. Regina smiles, too. “Shut up.”

Regina rolls onto her back, staring at the ceiling as she tries to piece together the night with any version of cohesion. She tells Janis all about the night, from her father being weird to her aunt and her mom bitching at each other to Harrison telling her about how he and his roommates drank out of a garbage can.

Janis looks curious at that part. “… you can do that?”

“Don’t you dare.”

Her breath hitches when she gets to the part with her mom. She doesn’t know how to describe the fight. Or how to say again that she’s gay. Once was enough for today. She gets out the part about their fighting, how she tried so hard to stand up for Ryan and Becca and then for herself. She doesn’t know if she did it right or not. She hopes that she did.

“They loved me!” rings in her head. And then, “I’m gay, Mom.”

She’s sure that she’ll choke on the words again.

“… and then I just kind of… said it.”

“Said what?” Janis asks, and Regina can’t tell if she’s trying to goad her into saying it or if she’s genuinely confused.

“That I’m…” Regina takes a breath, “I don’t know. Gay, I guess.”

She sees Janis’ face twitch out of the corner of her eye, and it’s the same face she makes in class when something is funny and she can’t do anything about that in the moment. It’s endearing, even if it’s ill-timed.

“Say it.”

Janis reaches over so that her hand meets Regina’s, and tangles their fingers together. “I’m being a good person about this.”

“Just make the joke, Jay,” Regina squeezes her hand, trying to assure her that it’s okay without saying it. “I know you want to.”

Janis huffs. “Fine. But the timing is all messed up now.”

“You’re insufferable.”

Janis stares at her for a long moment, and Regina can see the cogs turning behind her eyes as she runs it through in her brain. She shifts to sit up a little, staring down at Regina like she’s something precious even though there’s an almost evil smile dancing on her lips.

“Okay. You said, I don’t know. Gay, I guess,” Janis says. “And my first thought was you think and then my second thought was… you’ve literally eaten me out before. This doesn’t feel like an I guess kinda situation. But… it’s a little rude. So I didn’t say it.”

Regina feels her ears heat up at the bluntness of the second part. Yes, she’s done that — multiple times, really — but they’ve never explicitly said it out loud. Not the specifics, at least. Regina has to tell herself to stop staring at Janis’ lips.

“I’m sorry,” Janis shifts, eyes no longer meeting Regina’s.

“No, it’s okay,” Regina says quietly. “We should probably… figure all of that out, eventually.”

Janis hums, and the two of them are quiet for a minute. Regina doesn’t know what to say, what to ask, if she should. The idea of her and Janis actually talking about all of this has seemed so far away for so long, and she doesn’t know where to begin.

“The semester’s over in two weeks,” Janis says, like she’s already worked through it in her brain. “I don’t want to… start something, and then we’re apart for a month. I don’t like that.”

Regina nods, fully understanding that. She hasn’t even thought about it, but she doesn’t like it, either. She’s barely even thought about the fact that Janis will be going back to Hawaii for a month. This semester has felt like a return to something, and the fact that they have something to go back to makes her stomach feel weird.

Regina has a fleeting thought about visiting Janis in Hawaii, but she doesn’t think that she’s ready for that. Besides, she told her dad that she’d help out with everything surrounding her parents’ impending divorce. She doesn’t know what her role will look like, but she’s pretty sure that he’s going to move out of the house sometime soon.

“So then what?” Regina moves to sit up, putting herself on an equal level to Janis. “We make a promise to revisit this in six weeks? Whatever it is?”

“What is it?” Janis asks. “I don’t want friends with benefits again. Or whatever it was. I want… I mean, not to sound corny, but I do want a relationship.”

Regina shouldn’t be surprised to hear that, but the words coming out of Janis’ mouth do make her skin prickle. That feels big.

“I’m not even out yet,” Regina says before she can stop herself.

“I know,” Janis’ voice softens. “Is it something that you plan on doing? You don’t have to come out to everyone at once, but… is it something you are going to do eventually?”

“I mean,” Regina tugs at her fingers, “I did tell my whole family already.”

Janis doesn’t say anything. They both know that that’s not what she’s asking. This is about their friends. This is about no more secret dorm encounters. This is about kisses in hallways and common spaces rather than behind closed doors.

“I’ll work on it,” Regina tries. “I can’t… I don’t know what I want that to look like right now.”

“Okay,” Janis says softly. Regina knows that that’s not the response that she probably wanted, but it’s the best that she can do for now. She has six weeks to come to terms with it before she and Janis come back together. 

“You know,” Regina glances down at their hands. They let go of each other a while ago, but Janis’ hand is still within inches from Regina’s. Regina tries to be brave for a moment and grabs it, tangling their fingers together again. “Behind Kylie, you’re, like, my favorite person.”

“Shut up,” Janis rolls her eyes, but there’s a big smile on her face. “That’s a big honor. You know a lot of people.”

“Yeah, but there’s only one you,” Regina’s eyes meet Janis’.

Janis hums softly, “You’re cute.”

Regina leans forward (not that she has to go very far on the small bed), and Janis tugs harder at her hand as she realizes what’s happening.

Their lips connect and Regina can feel Janis smiling against her.

It feels, in some bizarre way, like coming home.

Chapter Text

It’s not a date.

Regina knows that it’s not a date. Even though it feels like one. And looks like one. And probably is one. One that they might acknowledge years down the line as a date but have gone on so many since that the word has lost meaning. 

Regina and Janis are in a little restaurant, one that’s open for breakfast. They serve big pancakes of a million different varieties, endless mugs of coffee that Regina’s sweetened with sugar and diluted with milk, and plenty of other things to choose from that all look different amounts of mouthwatering. 

It’s a stop, really. A convenience on the way to Regina’s grandmother’s house. A really good convenience. One that happens to look like a date if someone’s looking closely enough. Regina’s aware of that and she’s not running screaming. She’d like to call that growth, but her hands still get clammy when the waitress makes a non-scripted comment about how cute they are together. Janis takes it in stride. Regina twists the ring on her thumb.

“Damian’s coming back tonight, wants to know if we’re free,” Janis comments as Regina fishes through her wallet for some cash. She could leave a tip on her card, but she’s had cash that she’s been meaning to get rid of for a while now.

“I don’t think we’re spending all day at my grandma’s, if that’s what you’re asking,” Regina replies. She drops a twenty on the table and glances back at Janis, who’s typing away on her phone.

She finally puts it away and looks back at Regina, “Cady’s coming back tonight, too. They’re suggesting movies and getting tipsy.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Regina nods, getting up from the booth that they were seated in.

Janis follows her, and they bid goodbyes to the staff that helped them. It’s fucking cold when they step out of the restaurant, and Regina resists an urge to tug Janis into her side when she sees how quickly Janis digs her fists in her jacket’s pockets. They’re not girlfriends, and Regina George isn’t known for being outwardly affectionate with her friends.

“When do Karen and Gretchen come back tomorrow?” Janis asks.

“Midday, I think,” Regina replies as she unlocks the car. She and Janis climb in. “Gretch said they’ll Uber back to the school.”

Janis just hums in response, and Regina catches her turning on her seat warmer out of the corner of her eye. It reminds her that Janis won’t be sleeping in her bed after tonight, not if they want to avoid tipping people off. Regina still doesn’t know what to think of that, even though the conversation of her coming out was two days ago and she’s had ample time to consider it.

It’s not like their friends would have much to say about it. Janis is gay, Damian’s gay, and Karen’s pansexual. They’re probably the easiest ones to come out to, but something about announcing her sexuality feels awkward. Especially since it wouldn’t be a big deal to them.

She doesn’t even notice that she’s holding Janis’ hand across the middle console until they’re on the highway and wants to switch to a different song. Janis isn’t even paying attention, but her thumb is rubbing over the side of Regina’s fingers like it belongs there.

“Damian’s flight comes in at 6, you think we could pick him up? I’ll pay for dinner tonight,” Janis suggests, shifting in her seat as she talks.

Sure, the idea of going to the airport sucks, and Regina’s knows that that’s not how she’d like to spend her evening, but she’s trying to be bigger person. Especially for Janis.

“We can do that,” Regina says, glancing at Janis for a second. There’s a little smile on her face. Something in Regina’s chest warms at the sight.

She looks back at the road and pulls into the right lane as her exit comes closer. There’s a weird feeling about bringing Janis back to her grandmother’s house. This is a place that they grew up in. Janis scribbled on the dining table one time (her paper slipped, or so she said), they spilled countless mugs of hot chocolate on the carpet that’s probably been through war, and evidence of three generations of Georges stain the walls in dents and scratches.

It’s home. Maybe something that’s even more home than her childhood house. Not that that’s difficult.

When they get to the house, Regina pulls into the driveway and behind her dad’s car. She didn’t think that he was going to be here, but the man is full of surprises recently. They must’ve just missed Becca and Ryan leaving.

“How many cars does she have?” Janis asks, dropping Regina’s hand and smoothing over her jacket. She’s nervous. It’s kind of cute.

“Just the BMW and my grandpa’s old pickup,” Regina replies, turning off the car. “The, uh, Audi’s my dad’s.”

“Oh, no,” Janis shakes her head. “It’s okay. Leave me here, I’ll freeze. I can’t do your dad today. He’s going to ask us questions and we have no answers. We’re cooked. At least, I’m cooked. You might be cooked.”

“Calm down, if he’s here, Kylie’s probably here, too,” Regina retorts. “You’ll be fine.”

“I am done for!”

“You are dramatic.”

Janis scoffs, “Like you’re one to talk.”

“Are we going inside or not?” Regina asks, one hand lingering on her door handle. 

Janis sighs dramatically, like the weight of the world is on her shoulders or something. It’s ridiculous. Regina can’t believe that she harbors any kinds of feelings for her.

“Fine.”

“Okay, good, let’s go,” Regina gets out of the car without anymore questions, and Janis is quick to follow her up to the house.

Regina opens the door, unsurprised that it’s unlocked, but the breath is nearly knocked out of her when she sees how packed up the house is. She was last here two days ago, how has so much changed in less than 48 hours?

“Hello?” Regina calls out. She thinks she hears Janis mutter some curse behind her, but she can’t focus on that.

“Living room, Reggie!” her grandmother calls back.

Regina leads Janis to the living room, where they find Regina’s father and Joan sitting on the couches. Kylie’s sitting on the floor, coloring in a Scooby Doo coloring book that she has set up on the coffee table.

She launches up when she sees Regina, immediately hugging her so tightly that Regina’s sure she cracked a rib.

“I missed you!”

“I missed you, too, babe,” Regina says softly, kissing the top of Kylie’s head and then ruffling her hair. She looks back at her dad, and then her grandmother. “What’s going on?”

“You brought Janis,” her grandmother smiles widely. “How are you, Jay?”

“I’m… chilling,” Janis responds in full awkwardness, only to be tackled in a hug from Kylie a second later.

Regina’s father looks a little stunned, but doesn’t say anything about the situation. He does, however, say, “The house is being transferred into my name.”

Regina’s eyes widen. Oh. That’s what this is about.

“Are you moving in?” Regina asks next, thankful that Kylie’s dragged Janis off to show her her coloring books.

“That’s the plan,” her father looks to her grandmother. “Nana’s been going through and deciding what she wants us to inherit and what she wants us to burn.”

“A lot of this needs burning,” her grandmother chimes in. “And I’m not going anywhere until February, at least, that’s my plan. I refuse to die in this house. But yes, your dad and Kylie are moving in… at least, as long as your mother permits, and you can spend your winter break here. We have a lot of photo albums to get through.”

“I thought you already went through them,” Regina responds, shedding her coat and draping it over the back of the couch. Her mother would lose her mind about such an act, but here, Regina’s just adding to the pile that already exists.

“Reg, you forget, she had kids before you and Ky came around,” her dad comments, standing up from the couch. “Sit. I’m going to get Kylie and take her back to the house. For all Mom knows, we’re both still living there.”

Regina winces. She doesn’t know what to think of that, but she’s not going to have to go home for another two weeks. Hopefully things will be more sorted by then, or she’s going to resort to folding herself into Janis’ suitcase and living out some kind of lesbian dream in Hawaii.

(She would never.)

(But damn, does that sound nice.)

“You brought Janis,” Joan says as soon as her dad leaves the room.

“I did,” Regina tentatively sits down on the couch and runs a hand through her hair, feeling suddenly insecure. She knows that her grandma wanted to see Janis, but she wonders if she should’ve just waited until there was something to share.

Oh, yes, Nana, this is the girl that I’ve been hooking up with, but I’m too much of a coward to make it official.

That would be way too awkward for her.

“You two have been spending time together?” her grandma looks genuinely curious and Regina feels extremely put on the spot. She knows that she did this to herself, that she should’ve expected Janis not being in the room at some point and her grandmother being a little too questioning, but she didn’t.

She might be screwed.

“Yeah,” Regina fidgets with the ring on her thumb. “We finished a sitcom that she wanted me to watch, and all of our homework is done, we’re having a good time.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” her grandmother replies as Janis comes back into the room. She plops down on the couch next to Regina.

“I heard there are photo albums?”

-

There are albums everywhere. 

Regina’s known about the wall of albums in her grandma’s office for years, of course she has, but she’s never truly considered the fact that those are all individual albums with hundreds of photos inside. It’s mind-blowing to pick through them and see so many different things.

They’re all meticulously labeled - most of the time in three-month chunks, but some are bigger than others and some smaller and some categorized completely differently.

“Is this what historians feel when they find tombs full of hieroglyphics?” Janis asks at one point, paging through an album made up almost entirely of photos of Regina from when she was five years old. “I feel like I just found the jackpot. Oh my god, you had Elmo slippers?”

Regina feels heat creeping up her neck. “Shut up.”

“You were so cute,” Janis adjusts the photo album in her lap. “Maybe I should tell Damian to hitchhike. I don’t have nearly enough time to appreciate all of this.”

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Regina responds, still looking at the photo album over Janis’ shoulder. “We should find one that you’re in.”

“No,” Janis points to a picture on the next page. “First day of kindergarten.”

“Oh, that’s my favorite,” Joan comments as she comes back into the room from the kitchen. “Reggie, you were so tiny.”

“Look at your little bus tag!” Janis coos, laughing when Regina slaps her hand away.

The picture that she’s pointing out is Regina on her first day of school. Her grandma insisted on picking her up from the bus stop, and in the picture, Regina’s wearing a pink and red dress with a bow in her hair. There’s a bus tag clipped to her chest with a safety pin, clearly reading out her address and bus number in neatly done Sharpie. Her backpack is six sizes too big on her and her lunchbox is huge and covered in Dora The Explorer.

It is a cute photo, admittedly, but all Regina remembers is her grandma leading her up to her house and realizing that neither one of her parents were home. 

“I think they made us wear those all year,” Regina says, glancing ahead and seeing the bus tag in almost every single one of the school pictures. 

Janis switches to another photo album, one from when they were nine years old, and Janis’ face pops up more and more as they page through the album. 

One photo that sticks out to Regina is her and Janis sitting together in the guest bedroom upstairs. It’s a double bed, and insanely comfortable, and whenever Regina’s stayed over, she’s stayed there. She and Janis used to share that bed, and that much is obvious in the picture. Regina and Janis have three little cups of cereal arranged in a triangle, and they’re picking through them like it’s some kind of buffet.

Another photo is of them in the backyard, laying out on the grass because bugs didn’t bother them yet and the sky was pretty. Regina’s hair was braided with more skill than one would expect Janis to have at nine years old, and while no one would be able to tell by looking at it, Regina remembers how Janis’ hand kept touching hers.

There’s a third photo that catches her eye - Janis and Regina knee deep in the snow. There was a big snowstorm that year, and Regina’s dad dug out his father’s pickup truck and drove them and her grandmother to one of the best sledding hills in the city. They sledded for hours, and the picture is of them half-hugging each other. Their scarves are suggestions, one of Janis’ gloves is missing and replaced with one from Regina’s dad, and their faces are bright red. 

There are more, but Regina reminds herself to grab those specific photos someday.

“Can we make a gallery wall on the stairs?” Regina asks.

“You want to do that?” her grandmother side eyes her.

“I mean,” Regina shrugs. “It’d be nice. We could hire someone to do it properly.”

“I’ll talk to your dad about it,” Joan says, squeezing Regina’s free hand. “Do you two remember when you put concerts on in the living room?”

“Oh my god,” Janis mutters. “I completely forgot.”

“I was better off forgetting,” Regina responds, cheeks warming at the idea of her and Janis dancing around this exact living room, awful fake karaoke microphones in their hands while music videos played on Regina’s iPod.

“We should do karaoke,” Janis says teasingly, finishing the album that she’s on and carefully closing it. She puts it on the coffee table and picks up the next one. “Damian would love it.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’m a genius,” Janis says, grabbing her phone when it buzzes. “Shit, it’s past 5.”

“Oh,” Regina looks at the closed album on Janis’ lap. She almost forgot about picking up Damian.

“Do you two have somewhere to be?” Joan asks, looking a little concerned by Janis’ sudden lack of interest at everything in front of them.

“We told my best friend that we’d pick him up at the airport,” Janis responds, tugging on her coat. “I would like to come back and see more embarrassing photos of Regina at a later date, though.”

Regina rolls her eyes. She’s never going to escape this, and she can’t tell if that’s a blessing or a curse.

“Well,” Joan stands when Regina does, taking Regina into a tight hug. “It was nice seeing you two.”

“Yeah,” Regina mumbles, holding her grandmother as tightly as she feels she can. 

Her grandmother parts from her after a minute and hugs Janis quick and tight.

“Come back soon, please. I’ll make dinner for us. And, Janis, I hear you’re quite the artist these days, you could always come and paint for us.”

Janis’ smile brightens, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Love you, Nana,” Regina kisses her cheek. “I’ll call you.”

“Love you, Reggie. Drive safe!”

Regina nods, feeling bad for leaving so quickly, but enjoying the way that Janis’ hand slips back into hers like it belongs there.

(Regina really wants to believe that it does belong there.)

Chapter Text

When Janis gets to Regina’s dorm, the vibes are good.

Music is playing on a speaker that the girls keep in the corner, and the lights that Gretchen put up around the big bay window in the back of the common room are plugged in and sparkling against the glass. And at the center of it all, Shane Oman, laying across the couch like he owns the place.

Janis has only been around Shane a handful of times, and never truly in a capacity that involved anything more than a brief acknowledgment before localizing to their individual friend groups. Regina’s always spoken of him a good regard, though, and he certainly seems harmless.

They got back from picking up Damian and then getting dinner maybe twenty minutes ago, and once he’s finished changing out of his “plane clothes” and whatever, he’s going to be joining them, too. Cady flaked - apparently she wants to spend another night at her mom’s -, which leaves Janis and Regina with Damian and Shane.

Regina’s door is open, so after saying a quick hello to Shane, Janis walks in.

She’s changed out of the outfit that she wore today (Janis has filed it away in her brain as one of her favorites; a pair of jeans that made her ass look good, and a cozy sweater that Janis kind of wants to steal) and into PJs with a hoodie, similar to what Janis finds herself wearing most days. Janis wonders if it’s her influence or if Regina’s just comfortable like that. Regardless, all Janis can think of is the fact that she really wants to steal the hoodie.

God, the day that she manages to steal something of Regina’s clothing will be one for the history books.

“You copied me,” Janis says, grinning when Regina just rolls her eyes.

“It’s cold,” she responds, grabbing her phone off of her bed and putting it in her hoodie’s pocket. “You’re not the only person in the world to wear hoodies with PJs.”

“Yeah, but you still copied me,” Janis responds, glancing at the photo album that Regina brought back with her.

Regina just rolls her eyes and ushers Janis out of the room, catching Shane’s attention almost immediately.

“You two are matching.”

“It’s been acknowledged,” Regina responds, putting her hand out for his phone. He hands it over without any argument, and his eyes land on Janis.

“Reg tell you what we’re doing?”

“Last I heard we’re watching movies and drinking,” Janis responds, sitting down on the arm chair in the room. “Which I’m down for.”

“Yes, that,” Shane sits up quickly, almost in just one motion like something shocked him. Something in his pockets jingle. “But we’re going to the movies. Wicked’s out, Reg wants to see it.”

“It was your idea. I don’t know anything about it,” Regina argues. She switches the song playing on the speaker to something that Janis doesn’t recognize and then crosses the room to where Janis is sitting. Janis doesn’t understand it, there’s plenty of room on the couch, but she’s enjoying the proximity.

“Didn’t you and your mom see it on tour?” Shane asks.

Janis doesn’t understand how she knows, but she feels like something shifts in Regina’s demeanor at the mention of her mother even though Regina’s just out of her peripheral view. 

Still, without skipping a beat, she responds, “Yeah, but I was like, eight. All I remember is the green one flying and then them using a big curtain to make the illusion that she melted at the end. Ky and I watched Wizard of Oz recently, doesn’t that have something to do with it?”

“I hope that there’s a world in which you’re a theater nerd,” Shane says with a head shake.

Regina makes a noise like she’s going to speak again, but the door to the dorm opens and Damian comes through. He’s also dressed down, wearing a pair of sweats and a Northwestern sweatshirt.

It makes Shane stick out like a sore thumb. He’s wearing a pair of cargos with the pockets almost suspiciously full, a t-shirt, and a vintage NASCAR jacket. 

“Damian!” he points at Regina. “She doesn’t know that Wicked and The Wizard of Oz are the same universe.”

“Uncultured,” Damian tsks, sitting on the couch next to Shane. “Oh! Does this mean we’re going to see Wicked? I saw it over the break with my sister, but I’m totally okay with seeing it again.”

Janis fidgets with the sleeve of her hoodie. She really doesn’t care about what they’re seeing or the relationship between Wicked and The Wizard of Oz, but she really doesn’t want to sit here and have this conversation for much longer. She was promised movies and drinks, and she’s eaten enough pizza tonight to suffice a decent amount of drinking.

“Yes, we’re seeing Wicked,” Regina responds, confused when Shane stands up from the couch. “What do you have?”

Shane smirks. “That’s the best part.”

Janis barely registers that a “What the fuck?” leaves her own lips as Shane digs his hands in his pockets and pulls out what must be 15 different nips of alcohol. There’s a couple Fireballs, some Pink Whitneys, some Smirnoffs in various flavors, a Casamigos, and something with a 99 on the front. 

“Oh my god,” Regina mutters. She sounds like a disappointed parent.

Janis, if she’s being honest, is kind of impressed. 

“Your brother?” Damian asks, picking through the nips like there’s anything other than nastiness in them. Those things aren’t meant to be good, they’re meant to get someone fucked, fast. Janis likes them when she can get their hands on them, but they’re difficult to get without being able to buy them herself.

“Oh yeah,” Shane tosses (what Janis hopes is) the last one from his pocket to Regina. “Saved the best for her highness.”

Regina catches it, turning the bottle over in her hands. Janis catches a glimpse.

“They make Grey Goose nips?” Regina asks, sounding almost as shocked as Janis feels. 

“Are we pregaming?” Janis asks, excitement outweighing any rationality she could have about tonight. She’s with Regina. And Damian. And Shane. This has to be fun.

“Yes,” Damian nods.

“I think we all take one now, one before going in, and then one after previews,” Shane says. “Or, like, whatever. As long as no one gets caught or throws up, we’ll be fine.”

Everyone agrees, and Janis picks out a couple of drinks to take with her. They leave a handful behind, and Damian decides to put them in the microwave for safekeeping. Janis wonders if he’s already drunk.

Janis decides on a pink lemonade Smirnoff to start, and after they all cheers, the four of them down their drinks and Damian sets a GPS for the closest movie theater.

The walk to the movie theater is nicer than it should be in near-freezing temperatures. Janis’ chest is warm from the drink, and she falls into step next to Regina. The hardest part is resisting clinging on to her arm like some kind of lovesick girlfriend, but she tries her best.

“Apparently,” Regina says, “this movie is 2 and a half hours long.”

“That’s okay,” Janis plays with one of the bottles in her pocket. “Maybe I’ll take a nap.”

“At a movie theater?” Regina almost sounds amused.

“I’ve done better with worse odds,” Janis responds, glancing up at Regina as they come to a crosswalk. Her eyes are glittering in the streetlights. Janis wishes she could kiss her.

Regina smiles softly. Janis wants to bottle it up forever.

“Only a couple more streets to go and we get to see Wicked!” Shane cheers in front of them. “You guys think I look like the bubble guy?”

“The what?” Regina asks.

“The bubble guy!” Shane exclaims, turning around and walking backwards as he waves his arms in the air, trying to explain. “He’s all, like, she came down in a bubble, Doug! It’s a whole thing. It’s a meme. God, you need to be more online. Don’t you have TikTok?”

“You need to get a life,” Regina retorts. “Or a boyfriend.”

Shane gasps with his whole chest, “You’re one to talk!”

He then almost trips and eats shit on the pavement, but catches himself. Janis snorts.

“I want another drink,” Damian comments. “That other one did nothing for me.”

“I want a heater,” Janis whines. She’s pretty sure that her fingers are too cold to open either one of the nips that she brought.

“We can do another now,” Shane suggests, and he and Damian keep talking as they walk.

Janis tries to listen, but it feels like her brain turns to mush when Regina wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into her side. She’s warm, even though her cheeks and nose are pink. Janis accepts it, though, and tentatively wraps one of her arms around her waist. She’s so soft. 

“Better?” Regina asks quietly.

Janis hums an affirmation as they come to a stop. The boys are holding new bottles, and Janis grabs one out of her pocket. She doesn’t catch the label or the name, but she’s not looking forward to parting from Regina to open it. Stupid boys.

“Are you two being lesbians?” Shane asks, opening Janis’ for her and pocketing the lid.

“We’re huddling for warmth since it’s fucking freezing outside,” Regina responds, thanking him anyway when he opens hers for her, too.

“You always say that you get hot when you drink, why are you whining?” Shane asks, though it sounds like he’s whining, too. These two are like bickering siblings, and Janis can’t imagine how they managed to present as a straight couple.

“Less whining, more drinking,” Janis says, remembering vaguely how her dad warned her about open container laws. She’s not sure how those would apply right now, but that’s not something that she wants to explain to her parents if they got caught.

They all down their shots, and keep heading to the theater. Janis barely manages to finish hers, even though it doesn’t taste absolutely horrific, and pours the rest out on to the ground so that it doesn’t make a mess in her pocket. 

By the time they get there, Janis feels properly not sober, and finds herself leaning on Regina a little more than she’d like. Regina doesn’t seem to mind, though, and instead focuses on getting them their tickets to see the movie.

The next screening starts in ten minutes, so once they’re past the gate, they buy a bunch of concessions. Popcorn for Janis and Regina to share, and Regina even buys Janis an order of chicken tenders that probably cost more than a mortgage on a house. Janis swears that she’ll turn her thank yous into kisses somehow. They also get an order of mozzarella sticks, and when they reunite with the boys, their arms are full of food and an assortment of candy. Janis swipes a Buncha Crunch from a shelf and isn’t really sure if they paid for it, but it doesn’t look like any of the employees are paid enough to give a fuck.

Janis throws out her empty bottle before they head into the theater, and is relieved when she sees it’s mostly empty aside from another couple of college student groups in various corners of the theater.

She takes a spot between Regina and the wall. She has an insanely strong urge to lay on Regina, but that’s obviously not possible right now.

Her sourness about the whole thing must be obvious, because as she’s eating her second chicken tender, Regina nudges her.

“You okay?”

“I’m drunk,” Janis mumbles, eyes flicking to the screen, where a preview is playing. “Can I stay over tonight? Y’know, since Cady’s not coming back?”

“Yeah,” Regina nods, breaking off a piece of a chicken tender for herself. “The boys took their third drink. I don’t think I’m going to.”

“Me neither,” Janis hums, moving a little closer to Regina. She’s still cold, and Regina’s still warm, and really, she’s just a lesbian with access to one of the most perfect women in the world.

They finish half of their snacks before the movie begins, and are left with only the Buncha Crunch and popcorn. Regina figures out that the armrest between them moves, and Janis immediately curls into her side when it’s up. She’s not too cold anymore, but Regina doesn’t have to know that.

Shane has his legs propped up on the empty seat in front of them, and it’s one of the few times in her life where Janis has wished that she was tall. Instead, she tucks her legs underneath herself and watches as the Universal logo plays.

Janis has a good time watching it. She likes the music - especially the parts that are so loud that her chest rumbles - and she enjoys the fact that the female leads seem way more interested in each other than the man that they’re supposed to be fawning after.

Maybe halfway through, there’s a scene where the entire school is at a party, and Janis feels Regina tense next to her. She must be more sober than Janis is, because she’s not sure that she’s fully watching the movie and can only acknowledge the silence and bizarreness of the moment.

But it passes, and the movie picks up in energy again. Regina seems to be having a good time, and Janis is just happy that she’s with her in this moment. She’s going to have to watch this again at a later date, though, because she knows that she’s absorbing nothing.

By the time it’s over, Janis is exhausted, and barely tracking the conversations as the other three rave about what they just witnessed. She knows that she’s not too drunk anymore, and blames her recent hiatus from drinking for why she tapped out so early.

It’s not until they’re back in the dorm that Janis feels any semblance of energy.

“Can I lay on you?” she asks as she kicks off her Converse. “You… always lay on me, but I never get to lay on you.”

She can’t tell if Regina’s cheeks are pink because of the question or because she’s still cold, but Regina still nods.

“Yeah, we can do that.”

Janis grins, sitting up on the bed and taking off her hoodie. This is what she’s been wanting. Regina takes off her hoodie, too, and climbs into bed after plugging her phone in. 

Regina opens her arms, and Janis falls into them with reckless abandon. She buries her face in Regina’s neck and tucks her arm around the blonde’s waist, enveloping herself into warmth that she never wants to leave.

Janis falls asleep in almost no time, and wishes for more nights ending like this.

Chapter Text

“Did you get your flight details yet?”

Janis hums an affirmation as she scrolls through her research for her English final. “Dad forwarded it to me last night. And he told me that Kai’s picking me up from the airport.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, honey, I have work and your dad has to pick up Grandma and Grandpa,” her mother says. Something rustles in the background, Janis wonders if she’s getting ready for work. The time would line up - it’s a little before 9am in Hawaiʻi right now and the hospital isn’t too far from her parents’ house.

“How long are they staying again?” Janis asks, copy and pasting a quote for her essay. “Just to the 26th?”

“I really don’t want them to stay any longer than that,” her mother admits, and Janis snorts. She loves her grandparents, and she knows that her mom has her soft spot for them, too, they’re her parents, after all, but they are overbearing and hellishly invasive. Janis doesn’t plan on unlocking her bedroom door so long as they’re staying at the house. “Hera just meowed at me. I think she’s saying hi.”

Hera is Janis’ three-year-old cat, one that she adopted after she and her dad found her in a box on the side of the road when she was a kitten. After confirming that she had no owner, Janis convinced her parents to let her adopt her. Kai helped as much as he could, and to Janis’ understanding, he’s taken the brunt of responsibilities for her in Janis’ absence.

“Aw, my sweet girl,” Janis grins, checking her phone when it lights up. It’s a text from Regina, asking where she is.

Janis quickly texts back that she’s in the library, only to realize a little too late that her mom’s talking again.

“You there?”

“I’m here,” Janis says quickly.

It’s quiet on the other end. She just knows that her mom would be giving her a sideways look right now if she could see her face. Furrowed eyebrows, lips pressed together, fingers tapping on the counter, cogs turning behind her eyes as she’d try to figure out what Janis is hiding. Janis wonders if it’s some kind of superpower that one gets when they become a parent.

“Something distracting you?” her mom asks knowingly, and Janis feels her cheeks heat up. She doesn’t know if she should blame it on her mother’s questioning or the fact that Regina said she’s on her way, but she doesn’t like either option much.

“No, I’m focused,” Janis retorts. “You think I could smuggle Hera back here in January?”

“No,” her mother responds pointedly. Janis pouts, even though her mom can’t see it. She goes on to talk about some other random things going on, and Janis contributes where she can while organizing some other information for her essay.

Most of it is done. She just has to write a conclusion paragraph, reread for grammatical issues and typos, and she’s done.

“Oh, Dad wanted to know if you sent him you wanted anything for Christmas since neither one of us have gotten a list yet,” her mother says at one point, and Janis has to stop herself from saying fuck out loud. She was supposed to send that to them a month ago, but she’s been distracted. Whoops.

She quickly sends a screenshot of the list in her notes app off to her parents. “Did Kai send his yet?”

“Kai wants money,” her mother retorts, exhaustion evident in her tone. “I bought him some new clothes. Dad bought him something for their car, I don’t understand a thing about it. God help us all if they get Grandpa in on it.”

Janis snorts. She doesn’t understand a thing about cars either, and she almost feels bad for abandoning her mom with her father and brother’s brain rot project. Kai really needs to get a job.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me getting in on it,” Janis says, scrolling mindlessly through her essay. She’s not even reading it, she’s just swiping her fingers up and down on the trackpad as her mother talks.

“Good,” her mother says softly. “I just got to work. I’ll call you in the next couple of days, okay, Jay?”

“Okay,” Janis responds, tapping on the table. Her heart hurts a little in the way it always does when her mom calls. The two months since Janis has seen her have been really hurting over the past couple of weeks. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” her mother responds, voice gentle. “I can’t wait to see you on Sunday. Let me know if you need any money or anything for the airport, alright?”

“Doubt it,” Janis retorts. “Bye, Mom.”

Her mother bids her a goodbye and the line clicks. Janis’ music starts again - a playlist made up exclusively of video game and movie soundtracks - and she stares at the essay in front of her.

She’s been in the library for most of her morning. And sure, it’s a little after two now, but focusing is hard and this essay is killing her brain. She hates that this English class is a necessity when it’s so fucking useless.

It’s comforting to know that they only have a couple of days left. Finals end on Friday, and she flies home on Sunday. Sure, there’s a pit in her stomach knowing that she’s about to go without Regina for almost a month, but she is excited to go home. She misses it. She misses her mom and her brother and her dad and her cat. And she misses her bedroom - her bed, her stuff, the ability to go to the beach whenever she wants. 

Janis checks her phone again, seeing only the text from Regina saying that she’ll be here soon, and her stomach flips. Things have been good with them since Thanksgiving break. Regina’s in a better mood, probably helped by the fact that she doesn’t have to deal with her mother, they’ve spent more nights together than apart, and while the more intimate parts of their relationship haven’t returned, Janis has been very good and patient about the whole thing.

(Sure, she’s been white-knuckling it a little, feeling the fact that they haven’t hooked up since Halloween in ways that she wasn’t expecting, but she’s being patient and normal about it.)

She was the one that asked for them to figure things out after winter break, after all.

She’s on the first sentence of her conclusion when Regina finally shows up. Janis hasn’t seen her all morning since they didn’t spend the night together last night (Janis was at the Women’s Center, Regina went to bed early), and she likes what she sees. She’s wearing a Northwestern hoodie under her jacket, and the pair of jeans that makes Janis insane.

Janis has to stop herself from biting her hand. This is brutal. How is she supposed to make it to January without this?

(And yes, of course, she could get herself off, but it is not the same. Regina George has set her standards too high.)

“Have you had lunch yet?”

“I literally just got off the phone with my mother,” Janis retorts, watching as the blonde sits down across from her. “I’ll get lunch after this stupid essay is submitted. Did you finish yours?”

“Last night,” Regina responds, running a hand through her hair. Janis focuses on her laptop. Why did she tell Regina where she is? Like she’ll be able to focus now. This whole situation is cursed. Fuck college. “Have you seriously not eaten yet?”

“I had breakfast,” Janis says, knowing how whiny she sounds but not really giving a shit. When her mom called, one of her first questions was if she’d had lunch yet.

Janis plans on having lunch. Just like she plans on going to the gym after having lunch and then taking a shower after that. Ideally, after all of those things, she’d head back to her dorm and spend the evening and maybe night with Regina, but she hasn’t gotten that far yet.

“Did you have lunch?” Janis asks, narrowing her eyes at the blonde over the top of her laptop screen.

“Shane and I just got sandwiches in town,” Regina responds. “You should’ve told me that you haven’t had anything, I would’ve brought you food.”

“It wasn’t relevant,” Janis says, typing and deleting the L key on her keyboard to keep the screen on. She’s trying to convince herself that she’ll finish this, even with this huge distraction sitting across from her, but she doubts it. “Is Shane’s brother throwing a party on Friday? Did I hear that right?”

Regina looks a little surprised at the question. “Who’d you hear that from?”

“Well,” Janis shrugs. “One of my soccer friends mentioned that his frat is hosting something on Friday. We haven’t been to a party in a while, which is why I’m asking.”

Regina hums. There’s some kind of look on her face that Janis is having a hard time reading. “He is.”

“Okay,” Janis narrows her eyes. “Why are you being weird?”

“I’m not being weird,” Regina retorts, defensive.

Janis gives her a look, “Says the girl being weird.”

“I’m not being weird!” Regina says sharply, even though she’s still respecting being quiet-ish in the library. It’s not that big of a deal in this section of it, at least. “I just… I was going to ask you tonight, but I wanted to make plans with you on Friday. Since you’re leaving on Sunday.”

Plans? Janis’ interest is definitely peaked now, but she doesn’t want to be overeager. That would mean Regina holds all the cards and Janis likes holding cards.

“What plans?” Janis asks, hoping she seems at least somewhat cool. She feels kind of stupid, admittedly, but she can’t let Regina know that she holds all the power, however pent up and willing to agree Janis is. 

(Sure, sleepovers and taking their time has been nice, but setting an expectation of hooking up and then having to go cold turkey has been a bit hard to adjust to. Janis likens it to being able to have cookies for breakfast whenever she wanted, but now they’re locked in a jar. It’s fucked up.)

“Your last final is on Thursday, right?” Regina asks, and Janis nods. “Okay, so, you pack on Thursday, make sure everything’s all set, and Friday, we’ll go to Chicago. We could go to the Art Institute and to dinner and then…”

Janis’ eyes widen.

“Regina,” she can’t help the smile on her face. “Are you asking me on a date?”

Regina’s cheeks go red almost immediately, and Janis takes way more delight in it than she probably should. “I’m asking you-”

“On a date!” Janis’ grin is face-splitting.

“Can you stop making fun of me?” Regina whines, even though there’s a little grin on her face, too. Her cheeks are still red and Janis kind of wants to go around the table and kiss all over her face and hold her for a while. She knows how big of a deal this is and she’s honored that Regina’s actually asking her.

(She’s also a bit bummed that this could be a final hurrah before break, but she’s mostly honored.)

“Never,” Janis promises. “Wait, you said… Art Institute and dinner and…”

Regina just looks at Janis for a moment, and for a moment, Janis wonders if it’s that same look of confusion that her mother gives her, but then she sees something else. Something like Regina’s looking at Janis like she’s something special. It makes Janis stop in her tracks for a second because, really, what is Regina George doing looking at her like that?

Regina finally breaks the silence.

“You know. A hotel.”

Their eyes lock. Janis feels like her skin is on fire. Regina’s not blushing anymore, and the look in her eyes is pure unadulterated confidence rather than high school sheepishness. Janis realizes that she, in fact, holds no cards against this woman. This moment is hers and Janis has to give an answer.

“A hotel,” Janis repeats. She’s pretty sure that her brain has short-circuited. Her essay is forgotten in the wind. All she can think about in this moment is the woman staring at her.

“Yeah,” Regina says softly. “A day in Chicago, ending with us in a hotel together.”

Janis swallows. 

“Yeah. Okay.”

Regina smiles, and Janis knows that she knows that she won, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t mind Regina holding the cards if the cards include the Arts Institute and dinner and a hotel and, presumably, until the end, Janis doesn’t have to lift a finger.

Janis knows that Regina’s going to be the death of her, but she’s having a very hard time finding any problem with that.

Chapter Text

Janis has considered dropping out maybe twenty six times today and it’s only 1 in the afternoon.

She’s been packing on and off all morning, which has always been her least favorite part of existing. She then found the Vans that she thought she lost months ago wedged between her suitcase and a foot of her bed, which should’ve been good news except for the fact that there was a dead bug in one of them. And then, when she finally went to shower after staring at her clothes became too taxing, the hot water decided not to work. She’s at least clean now, but at what cost? She’s still cold and she’s pretty sure that if she stops moving she’ll freeze and die.

She’s trying to keep her spirits up, she and Regina are going out tonight, after all, but she’s cold and she’s tired and she’s pretty sure that her body is resistant to caffeine because she’s about ready to pass out despite drinking a Redbull not even an hour ago. How is she supposed to survive college without caffeine? She really might as well call it quits now.

She didn’t really expect for packing to kill her mood so badly, especially with the promise of a date with Regina that’s beginning in less than twenty minutes, but packing to go home and having to pack an overnight bag is making her insane. It’s bullshit and she’s not sure who to complain to, but she wants to complain nonetheless.

Her current comfort is that Regina said there was no real reason to dress up. It’s cold out, they’re going to a museum, and Regina thought that a fancy dinner would be too much pressure, but found a cozy pizza place in the city. Janis decided on a pair of jeans that makes her look good but also like she’s not trying too hard, a warm long sleeved shirt, and a jacket that she thrifted somewhat recently when Damian wanted to get off campus for an afternoon.

After sorting her life out a little more, there’s a knock at her door.

She quickly whips around and opens it, unsurprised to see Regina on the other side. She looks almost unnaturally calm as she steps into the room and places her bag on Grace’s desk. It’s extremely unfair how perfect she looks despite being in clothes so achingly simple, and Janis really doesn’t think she’ll be able to last the night.

(There’s just something about Regina George in a color block patchwork jacket and black pants that tickles a specific spot in Janis’ brain.)

“You know we’re only going for a night, right?” Regina asks, glancing at Janis’ half-open backpack on her bed. “And we’ll be in a major city. You forgetting something won’t really hinder things too badly.”

“I cannot believe I’m attracted to you sometimes,” Janis responds, tossing a pair of socks into her bag. She has almost everything. She wraps her phone charger around her hand as she looks back at Regina. “What time does the museum close?”

“Like, five,” Regina scoffs. “Fucking stupid, honestly. They’re open ’til 8 on Thursdays. How does that make any sense? Is Thursday a point of interest for artists?”

“If it is, I don’t identify with them,” Janis replies, zipping up her bag and stuffing her phone in her jacket pocket. “Wait, that means we have to go. Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve planned my morning better.”

“You texted me yesterday and said that your final was solving the question of whether or not you should buy a gun.”

Janis loosens the laces of her Converse, not making eye contact. That is something she said. Whoops.

“To be fair, the final was stupid,” Janis retorts, pulling her shoes on and lacing them up quickly. She practically leaps to her feet. “I’m ready to go.”

Regina smiles softly, and opens the door for Janis while she grabs her backpack and keys. They’re going out. Together. On a date. The whole thing feels a bit surreal, but Janis follows her anyway. 

By the time they get to the museum, it’s a little after two. It’s plenty of time to explore, in Janis’ opinion, and on the ride here, Regina even floated the idea of coming back tomorrow if there’s anything that they miss or want to see again. Janis doesn’t really know how she got this lucky with Regina, but she’s not complaining.

After parking, they head up to the museum and get checked through pretty quickly. The museum is a bit more daunting upon first glance than Janis expected, but she and Regina decide to check out the first floor in its entirety before figuring out whether they want to go to the lower or upper levels. A tour guide tries to offer an official tour - one with the tiny headphones and way too much patience - but Regina and Janis turn him down quickly.

They’re in a section of the museum with paintings everywhere when Janis realizes that she’s been holding Regina’s hand this entire time. Regina’s not even flinching, and her focus for the moment has fallen on a blurb about one of the paintings on display. Janis tries to tell herself to stay cool, but there’s a stupid smile tugging at the corners of her lips and she kind of wants to kiss Regina silly about this.

“Where do you wanna go next?” Regina asks, snapping Janis from her stupor. If she noticed any of the staring, she’s not saying it.

“Uh,” Janis nods to a hall maybe twenty feet from them. “I think that way extends to the rest of the museum. We could check that out.”

“Okay,” Regina’s fingers tighten around Janis’. “Lead the way.”

They end up in a section dedicated to American art, and it’s as Janis reads one of the blurbs about an artist being from New York that she remembers how badly Regina wanted to live in New York City when they were kids. She’d talk about it all the time, even saying that she wanted to go to college there, but here they are. Back in Illinois. Still in Illinois.

She wonders what happened to that dream.

They stumble upon American Gothic - that one painting where the man is holding a pitchfork and staring straight at the observer while the woman next to him looks anywhere else. Janis wrote something about it for one of her classes in high school, and learned that despite everyone thinking they’re a married couple, the artist, Grant Wood, actually intended for it to be a father and his daughter. 

“I wonder if she thought about killing him,” Janis hums, earning a little snort from Regina. Janis desperately wants it to happen again.

“In those days, probably,” Regina hums. “Where have I seen this before?”

“Probably anywhere,” Janis leans into her side a little, relishing in how Regina’s just letting her do that now. It’s something that’s felt so far from possibility for so long, but now she can just do it. “It’s been meme-d to hell.”

Regina nods, “Makes sense. Do you know any other lore about this?”

Janis goes on to explain everything that she remembers, and somehow Regina manages to look interested the entire time even though no one is interested in this shit. Damian’s tried to pretend to be, but his poker face is shit, and Cady shows some interest, but it never feels genuine. Something about Regina is oddly convincing.

“Is this what you want someday?” Regina asks as they walk through an artist-specific gallery, showing off a bunch of their work in various mediums - some sculptures, some sketches, some paintings -, all of which Janis wants to attempt at some point. Sculpturing is the only one that she really hasn’t done much of, but she does look forward to someday trying.

“What, a gallery?” Janis questions.

“Yeah,” Regina says softly, her thumb brushing back and forth over Janis’ knuckles. “It’d be cool, right?”

“It’d be cool,” Janis echoes, shrugging a little bit. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s too far off for me to care yet.”

“I bet you could do it,” Regina says simply, squeezing her hand as they head to the next exhibit. Janis doesn’t understand Regina’s blind trust in her, but she’s not about to question it.

“I hope you don’t mind my asking,” Janis says, moving into her side a little more when a small group of people try and take up way too much space in the walkway. She waits until they get to a more secluded question to see if Regina will be in any way receptive. The curious look on the blonde’s face is all the confirmation she needs. “Your art… what’s up with that?”

“What do you mean what’s up with that?” Regina asks.

“Like,” Janis sucks on her teeth, trying to figure out a way to phrase it. “You still draw all the time. And you haven’t had a kind word about the classes you have to take for pre-law this whole quarter. Why do you want to do something that’ll make you miserable?”

Regina dodges her gaze, glancing at one of the paintings near them. Janis wonders if she pushed too far, she knows this isn’t a first date kind of conversation, but they’re not just meeting and really, Janis wants to know.

“I don’t know,” Regina says after a minute. “I don’t think I want a career in art. It’s more of a release than something I want to monetize.”

Janis hums, “That’s fair.”

“I don’t know,” Regina repeats, eyes flicking towards Janis. “I’ll figure it out, I guess.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Janis decides, balancing on one of her heels as they stop at another piece. Janis doesn’t even know what section they’re in right now. She’s just happy to be with Regina.

By the time they leave the museum, it’s nearing 5pm, and Regina drives them to the hotel.

“The restaurant is just down the block,” Regina promises, stopping in front of the valet station at the hotel. Janis’ eyes widen. This is not what she was expecting.

(She should’ve. She really should’ve. But sometimes she really does forget that Regina is as rich as she is and this is a stark reminder.)

Regina has a familiarity with one of the front desk people, and Janis’ stomach is queasy as they walk through the hotel and take their bags upstairs. It’s too nice. Janis is used to musty hotels with shady stains that staff has tried to cover up but are unable to, half a towel per person if she’s lucky,  tiny shampoo bottles that try to smell like a plant but don’t, and squishy beds that clearly need to be replaced but never will be.

This hotel, however, is expensive. There’s carved wood everywhere, an elevator attendant (what the fuck), keycards for the doors that actually work on the first try and don’t take more than sixty brain cells to figure out. The room itself is large, at least for there only being one king-sized bed, and the bathroom is bigger than Janis’ dorm.

“I would’ve peer pressured the gay out of you so much sooner if I knew it came with this,” Janis says, earning a laugh from Regina.

“I’m taking you like it?” Regina asks.

Janis can feel Regina’s eyes on her as she wanders into the bathroom, checking out the large shower and tub and the marble countertops. It’s nicer than her bathroom at home. It’s also kind of horrifying because she’s pretty sure that she’ll be in debt for the rest of her life if she fucks something up in here.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Janis responds, following Regina back into the main room. There’s a large TV across from the bed, hanging on the wall above the dresser. Janis would be willing to bet good money that there’s more than just the local news on it. 

“Do you want to look around more, or do you want to go get food?” Regina asks, twirling her keys on her finger. Janis tries not to focus on it, the same way that she’s trying not to focus on how there’s a bed less than ten feet away from them and Regina looks perfect right now in the glow of the lights.

“Let’s go get food,” Janis says with a nod, grinning stupid when Regina takes her outstretched hand.

She’s surprised when, before opening the door to leave the room, Regina tugs her close and uses her free hand to tip Janis’ head towards hers.

Not skipping a beat, Janis quickly leans in and is delighted when Regina actually kisses her. Sure, it’s still behind closed doors, but they’ve already done so much publicly today that Janis doesn’t really care.

“You’re cute,” Janis whispers against her lips, stealing a second kiss before they part. Her stomach rumbles, and Regina laughs lightly. “Fuck you.”

Regina’s voice is soft, “Later.”

Janis feels like she’s on fire. This might be the longest dinner of her life.

They talk about random nothingness as they walk to the restaurant and use a tablet towards the entrance to order their food. Janis decides on a bacon cheeseburger with sweet potato fries and a water (maybe she’d order soda if this wasn’t a Pepsi store, but the water is allegedly better for her), and Regina gets a chicken sandwich with curly fries (so they could try both) and a water, too.

“This is cozy,” Janis says, settling into a small booth in the corner of the restaurant. A pager sits on the table between them, and Janis just knows it’s going to scare the shit out of her when it inevitably goes off.

“It’s cute,” Regina looks up at the exposed vents in the ceiling, not too dissimilar to Five Guys that Janis has been to in the past. “Did you like the museum?”

“Yeah,” Janis replies, fidgeting with one of her rings. “To be honest, we could’ve gone on a tour of a sewage plant and I would’ve enjoyed it.”

“Your standards suck,” Regina teases.

Janis wants to say something cheesy about how she’s serious - how none of the content really matters so long as she’s with Regina - but she doesn’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t sound like she’s in love. And that’s not something that she thinks she’ll be able to unpack tonight.

“How’d you end up at Northwestern?” Janis asks.

Regina cocks her head a little. Janis can’t help but find it cute and she really wishes that there was a graceful way to lean across the table and kiss her.

“I applied.”

“Alright, smartass,” Janis rolls her eyes. “I’m just asking ‘cause you always said you wanted to move to New York.”

“I did.”

Janis can’t help but notice Regina playing with the ring on her thumb, and her stomach twists. She made Regina uncomfortable. She’s a dick.

Regina shrugs. “Everything here felt too important to leave behind. It was mostly Kylie, really… but… I don’t know. I wasn’t ready. Shane gives me shit for it all the time.”

“For not leaving?”

“For getting accepted and then not going to NYU,” Regina admits softly, and Janis kind of can’t believe the words coming out of her mouth.

It was always NYU or Columbia. Those were the schools that Regina would talk about when they were kids. They were the dream schools. The ones where she would become a lawyer or a doctor or whatever else she dreamt up in that moment. No one else their age knew what they wanted so clearly, but Regina did.

“Oh,” Janis says softly.

The pager buzzes on the table between them and they both jump a little, but Regina’s quick to stand up. “I’ll get it.”

(There’s a spiral in there somewhere, full of what ifs about Regina going to NYU and them never reconnecting, but Janis stuffs that into a box for another time. Tonight is not that time.)

Their dinner is good. They move on from their previous conversation and gossip about their friends and random things they’ve learned over their first quarter at school (none of which are actually school related) and really, everything under the sun.

Regina’s almost too easy to talk to. Janis thinks it’s a blessing and a curse.

They split a brownie for dessert, which is both better and worse than Janis was expecting, and decide to put 50 bucks on whether Karen and Gretchen will be a couple when they all get back from break. Janis votes yes, Regina votes no. 

The reality of them having a hotel room all to themselves sets in on Janis as they head back. Regina’s arm is around Janis’ waist as they walk, and Janis is kicking a pebble on the sidewalk as the hotel comes into view.

“I’m going to miss you,” Janis admits, twisting their fingers together. “You’re gonna call, right?”

“FaceTime, sure,” Regina assures her, leading them into the hotel building and towards the elevator. “I try to avoid phone calls if I can help it.”

“I’m apologizing preemptively for the fact that I wake up late,” Janis says, leaning into her side as they wait for the elevator. She wraps her free arm around Regina, stopping her hand on the dip of her waist. Her eyes meet Regina’s, “You’re pretty.”

“That was some apology,” Regina raises an eyebrow.

“I tried,” Janis shrugs, leading them into the elevator when it opens. Regina clicks on their floor, not letting Janis go for a second.

As soon as the elevator doors close, Regina pulls Janis’ face to her own, kissing her so hard that Janis’ head spins. Her hand lands on the back of Regina’s neck, and she kisses back just as hard.

She tries to listen for the elevator opening again, but every thought she has is Regina, Regina, Regina, and she really can’t think about anything else. Her body’s on fire. She hasn’t been kissed like this in so long and she really doesn’t know how she’s made it this far.

Regina must be listening, because she pulls away just before the doors open, and practically drags Janis down the hall and to their room. She flicks the lights on and locks the door behind them, muttering something about Janis taking her jacket off.

Janis does, and stuffs her rings and bracelet in her jacket’s pockets before glancing back at Regina, who’s successfully kicked off her shoes and thrown her jacket over the back of the desk chair. Janis unlaces her Converse with the grace of a baby deer learning to walk for the first time, which in any other situation would probably kill the mood.

Regina doesn’t let that happen, and quickly tugs Janis towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it and pulling Janis closer by the belt loops on her jeans. Janis doesn’t know how she doesn’t melt right there.

She gets Regina’s shirt off in probably the smoothest way she’s managed yet in any of their hookups, and runs her fingers along the bottom of Regina’s bra strap, only causing the blonde to whimper into her mouth.

It’s as she finally gets Regina’s bra off that she catches a glimpse of the flower on Regina’s ribcage. She wants to ask, she wants to know, but this isn’t the time. She has other priorities. She kisses Regina harder.

There are way more important things to worry about right now.

Chapter Text

“Reggie, I can’t find triceratops.”

Regina glances at her sister’s word search, “Circle all of the Ts, babe.”

She, Kylie, her dad, and her grandmother are at lunch. Regina’s moving back to the dorm today. She would’ve moved in tomorrow and soaked up more time with her sister and grandmother, but Janis comes back tonight. It’s all she’s been able to think about all week.

“You’re heading back to school after this, right, Regina?” her grandmother asks.

Regina looks up from Kylie’s word search and meets her grandmother’s eyes over the table, “Yeah. Car’s packed and everything. Besides, I gotta be back in time for Janis.”

“You have to bring her by next weekend,” her grandmother insists and then takes a sip of her water. Regina tries not to notice how her hand is shaking.

Kylie nudges Regina’s side again as the waiter comes over again, apologizing for the wait and insisting it’ll only be another couple of minutes.

“Can you find it?” she whines, “I can’t find it.”

Regina looks over the word search, finding the word pretty quickly across the diagonal of the puzzle. “Right there.”

“Thanks, Reggie,” Kylie says, circling it in crooked green crayon.

“Are you and Janis…” her dad clears his throat and fusses with a piece of the remaining bread on the table, clearly trying to not look like he’s too invested in this. “Dating? Together?”

“Um,” Regina shrugs. “On the way there, I guess. We’re both interested.”

“Oh, thank god,” her grandmother reaches across the table for her hand and squeezes it. “You have to tell us when it’s official so that we can have a good dinner. What a bummer you’re not of age, I would love to toast to this.”

“Nana, it’s not that big of a deal,” Regina assures her, trying to ignore the knot in her chest knowing that she’ll never legally toast her grandmother. Whatever wine she had at Christmas doesn’t count.

“Please! If I did better at casinos, I would’ve put a bet on it,” her grandmother says with a triumphant grin. “Chris, you’re going to be walking her down the aisle for their wedding, I’m telling you.”

Regina blushes, and her father’s eyes widen.

“Reg, no weddings yet, please?” he looks a little spooked, and Regina can’t tell if it’s a dad thing or a remnant of his past tendencies. Things between them have been good, admittedly, even though most of their interactions are coated with hesitance about their new dynamic. They’ve never been close, but her dad is trying. And while unfamiliar, Regina’s trying to navigate it the best she can.

“No weddings anytime soon,” Regina shakes her head.

Truthfully, she hasn’t thought much about weddings. They’ve always felt more like a chore than something that she wants to do, and while she’s warming to the idea now that there won’t be a man involved, she’s still not completely there. Not that that’s even remotely on her list of priorities right now. Janis isn’t even her girlfriend yet.

“You know, at my wedding to your grandfather, my mother cried through the whole ceremony,” Joan comments, a wistful smile on her face. “And Grandpa dropped my ring, he was shaking so bad. I never saw him so nervous in my life!”

Regina smiles a little. She’s heard that story a million times already, and her dad shares the same sad smile of someone that’s heard it even more times than that. 

“You… uh, you and Grandpa were friends before you started dating, right?” Regina asks, haphazardly engaging in a game of tic-tac-toe with Kylie on the back of her menu.

“For some time, yes,” her grandmother nods, eyes alighting at the mention of her history. “Same high school. He was one of my friends peripherally, and I always thought he was so considerate. And then, we met again when I was doing my graduate program and it was history.”

“And then you got married because you accidentally got pregnant,” Regina’s father mentions, a knowing smile on his face.

“We also loved each other,” she smiles softly at her son. “Just so happens you wanted to put a rush on the process.”

“Reggie, you suck at this,” Kylie says, striking through her win with her crayon.

“Try me again,” Regina retorts, quickly playing another game against Kylie, only for Kylie to win again just as they receive their food.

“Can Janis show me how to draw when she comes over again?” Kylie asks. “I like her. She’s nice.”

“I’ll ask her tonight, but I’m sure she’ll say yes,” Regina says, passing Kylie her food. She opted for the kids’ sliders, so Regina grabs her the ketchup, too.

Lunch passes by rather quickly, with a couple more stories from her grandmother, some questioning about her classes from her dad, and Kylie sharing some stuff about her week being back at school since her holiday break ended.

They finish lunch around 2, and say their goodbyes in the parking lot of the restaurant.

Regina’s father goes first, hugging her quickly but tightly, and wishing her luck at school. Regina’s a bit stunned when he squeezes her shoulder and meets her eyes as he says, “Good luck with Janis.”

She murmurs a quick thank you and her dad offers her another smile before stepping back towards his car. Her grandmother goes next, squeezing her as tightly as possible and reminding her to stay safe and to come to dinner next weekend.

“If you don’t bring Janis,” her eyes meet Regina’s with a sternness that Regina rarely sees from her. “I’ll have you turn back around and go get her. Hear me?”

“Yes, she’s your favorite grandchild,” Regina nods, at which her grandmother laughs. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” her grandmother hugs her again. Regina holds on a little longer than she should.

Kylie’s last, and Regina manages to pick her up for what’s probably the most suffocating hug possible.

“Do you have to go?” Kylie whispers, sounding a bit defeated. Regina’s heart clenches in her chest.

“I’ll be back next weekend, babe,” Regina assures her, kissing her hair. “Maybe if Dad gets out of work early and I’m not busy, you can come by the dorm, too? If he says yes.”

Kylie seems to perk up a little at that suggestion. “Say you swear?”

“Where did you learn that?” Regina asks, only to be met with a stubborn glare from her sister. She concedes, “I swear. But only if Dad can do it and I can do it, okay?”

“Okay,” Kylie hugs Regina around her neck, tight. “I love you, Reggie.”

“I love you, too, Ky,” Regina responds, holding her tight for another second before putting her down. “You’re getting too big for that. Soon you’re gonna have to pick me up.”

“That’s silly!” Kylie insists.

“Then stop growing,” Regina retorts, ruffling her hair before grabbing her keys out of her jacket pocket. She looks back to her father and grandmother, “Thank you for lunch. I’ll be back, I promise.”

“We know,” her grandmother nods, tugging Kylie into her side. “Stay safe, Reg.”

“I will,” Regina mock-salutes, and gets into her car.

Back to school. It’s a bittersweet feeling, knowing that she has a whole quarter of classes ahead with no break until March, but she does get to see Janis. And Shane, and her roommates. There’s a far-off question in her head of what she’ll even do for spring break, but she shuts that thought down as soon as it comes. She’s getting way too far ahead of herself.

She makes it back to the dorm in no time, and grabs her suitcase and backpack out of the car. The rest of her stuff is up in the dorm already, or left at her grandmother’s to grab at another time. Living in the same town for college as she did growing up really does have its perks sometimes.

Regina’s not surprised to find Gretchen in the common area, watching TV, and assumes that Karen must be in their room. She knows from their group chat that their flight came in earlier this morning and assumes that they’ve been hanging out here all day. And Cady’s not supposed to be back until later, and Shane should be here within the hour.

“Hey,” Regina shrugs off her coat and hangs it up. “How are you guys?”

“Exhausted,” Gretchen says quietly, turning down the TV before standing. “How’s your morning been?”

“Good, just got lunch with my family,” Regina responds, glancing around the room. Not much has changed since she left, aside from most of the Christmas decorations coming down. The rainbow lights remain strung up around the window, though. “Where’s Karen?”

“Sleeping,” Gretchen responds. “I was napping, but I wanted to watch TV and now I’m… out here.”

Regina hums, taking off her shoes next. “Any word from Cady?”

“Nothing yet,” Gretchen shrugs, haphazardly following Regina into her room. “Do you, uh, know when Janis is getting back?”

“Later,” Regina glances at her, curious. What could Gretchen want Janis for? She knows that they’re both on the soccer team, but they don’t have much crossover other than that, as far as Regina’s aware. “I think she said around 4 or 5. Her brother’s coming.”

“Oh, okay,” Gretchen hums, awkwardly hanging in the doorway. She looks contemplative, but doesn’t say anything. “I’m going to go back to my show.”

Regina hums, and takes to unpacking her stuff as quickly as possible. She knows that if she doesn’t, it’ll sit unused for days.

She, like Karen, ends up trying to nap the afternoon away, and although it doesn’t last as long as she intended, she does end up sleeping for two hours, until she’s woken up by her phone buzzing.

Janis. Her heart nearly stops.

“Hello?”

“Did I wake you up?” Janis sounds almost amused, and Regina sits up. The fact that Janis can hear her exhaustion over the phone is as endearing as it is bizarre.

“Uh, kinda,” Regina says softly. “You almost here?”

“We just got off our flight,” Janis responds. “Just wanted to check on you. And make sure you’re at the dorms. You’re there, right?”

“You literally have my location,” Regina retorts, smoothing her t-shirt. “Unless you forgot about hijacking my phone to make me your personal sim.”

“Ah, listen. It hasn’t updated yet, and… I kinda wanted to hear your voice. Sue me. Either way, we should be there within the hour. Kai’s only going to stay a little, he’s tired and wants to check into the hotel. Rest of the night is ours.”

Regina hums softly, “Sounds like a plan. I’ll see you then.”

“I’ll see you,” Janis says, and Regina can hear the smile in her voice. It makes her chest warm and a dopey smile form on her face.

After waking up a little more, Regina heads back into the common area, where Karen and Gretchen are now on the couch. Karen’s got her legs kicked up on the coffee table, and Gretchen’s legs are in Karen’s lap. It’s domestic. Regina wonders if they realize how gay they look.

“Oh, good timing, Cady’s on her way up,” Gretchen says. “We were thinking about going out for dinner.”

“Oh, really?” Regina takes a seat in the armchair. “Like what?”

“The pizza parlor,” Karen says, absentmindedly rubbing Gretchen’s leg. “Gretch said she’ll pay.”

“We can invite Janis and Damian and Shane, too,” Gretchen offers. “Make it a party.”

“Yeah, okay,” Regina nods, still a little tired.

It’s not long before Cady arrives, and after everyone goes through greetings, the interrogations begin. What did you do over break? How was your break? What classes are you taking? Any nights you’re coming home late? How are relationships going?

Regina’s pretty simple about her break. She spent time with her family. She celebrated New Years with her sister and sorted through photo albums and belongings with her grandmother. She leaves out the parts about her grandmother being sick, how she’s watching the woman slowly deteriorate before her eyes, how she spent most nights awake texting Janis because it was the only thing that would calm her brain down.

She also doesn’t mention anything about spending most of her break talking to Janis. It’ll unveil in due time, and she knows that she’s just going to have to say it someday - that she’s a lesbian, that she has feelings for Janis, maybe even that Janis is hers - but today is not that day.

Regina does learn that Karen and Gretchen spent their break together, and that Karen broke up with her girlfriend a couple of days after Christmas for reasons that she doesn’t go too far into outside of “they weren’t compatible.” Regina wonders if that has anything to do with Gretchen’s sudden possessiveness. 

Cady mentions that she went to Europe during break (which, Regina knows, Cady sent the photos a couple of days ago when she got back) and how she really wants to go to Australia over summer break.

There’s something nice about all of this. Regina feels like she’s a part of something, and not out of obligation. Everyone’s genuinely curious. Everyone shares pieces. It almost makes her feel guilty for not sharing the gorier details, but she doesn’t feel doing the emotional equivalent of skinning herself tonight.

Somewhere in the midst of the conversation of what they’re doing for dinner tonight, Regina takes a second to excuse herself to the bathroom.

She checks herself out in the mirror after washing her hands, making sure she looks at least somewhat normal for Janis. She wants to do better, yes, but her resources are all in her room and she’s limited on time. She’s just glad that her t-shirt is clean and that the jeans that she put on after her nap look good on her.

Regina leaves the bathroom, and she’s halfway between her dorm and the bathroom door when she sees Janis step out of the stairwell.

She swears that it’s something out of a movie. Janis looks amazing, sun-kissed and hair braided out of her face and in the coziest looking hoodie and sweatpants that Regina’s ever seen. Her backpack is slung over her shoulder, and she’s rolling one of her suitcases, the one covered in stickers.

Her brother, Kai, is following close behind with a second (and much bigger) suitcase. He looks different from when they were younger. He’s around the same height, but stronger, and wearing only a hoodie and pair of basketball shorts with a pair of the most beat-up looking sneakers Regina’s ever seen.

Janis sees her pretty immediately, and the smile that forms on her face is enough to make Regina’s nerves melt away.

She tries to be cool about making her way down the hallway to Janis, and Janis meets her in the middle. Her suitcase is abandoned by her brother, but Regina doesn’t pay much attention to anything other than hugging Janis as tightly as possible.

Janis is warm against her, and wraps her arms tightly around Regina’s neck while Regina’s arms settle around her waist. She can’t believe that she’s gone almost three weeks without seeing Janis. It feels unreal.

She wants to kiss her, she does, but she holds back for now. She doesn’t need them kissing in front of Kai and any other unsuspecting bystanders.

“I missed you,” Janis says softly.

“I missed you, too,” Regina whispers, squeezing her one final time before loosening her grip entirely. She squeezes Janis one more time around her waist, and Janis meets her eyes with an excited grin before turning back to her brother.

“Kai, be nice.”

“I’m the nicest,” he insists, puffing his chest a little when he steps up to Regina. He’s only a couple of inches taller than her, and Regina has a hard time finding the person that used to make (and burn) Kraft Mac and Cheese intimidating. “Hurt my sister, and I hurt you.”

“That’s what you worked on for the whole flight?” Janis asks, flabbergasted.

“I’m jet-lagged, shut up,” Kai swats her, and Regina stares on, amused. She was expecting something more… heavy-handed, given Janis’ warnings, but she can manage with that.

“I’ll have a better speech tomorrow,” Kai assures her. “But I’m not afraid to defend Jay.”

“I hope you don’t have to worry about that,” Regina says, glancing in Janis’ direction. “I’ll be good.”

“You already are,” Janis hands her suitcase off to Regina. “I got a text from Cady about pizza?”

“Plans for tonight,” Regina assures her, taking the suitcase and following Janis down the hall to her room. She lowers her voice as she asks, “We’ll talk about us later?”

“Later,” Janis nods, unlocking the door to her room. Her roommate clearly isn’t back yet.

There’s a warm feeling in Regina’s chest as Janis lets her into the room. It’s something like home. Maybe it’s the space, but more likely, it’s Janis, and she’s feeling increasingly comfortable with that thought.

And while it’s kind of exactly the same, it all feels like a new beginning.

Chapter Text

Janis pushes both Kai and Regina into the hallway while she changes, and Regina’s tempted to dismiss herself to her room when Kai stops her.

“What’s your intentions with Jay?” he asks, a concerned look on his face.

“Like, what do I want out of our relationship?” Regina asks, and he nods.

“You want to be her girlfriend?”

Regina pauses for a second, the yes too close to the tip of her tongue. She does want it. Badly. But the hesitance is still there. This is Janis. One of her best friends. Someone that she trusts more than anyone else. Someone that she has real feelings for. Big feelings. It’s something that she’s scared of messing up and something that she’s not sure that she’s ready for, even though it’s all she can think and dream about.

“I do,” Regina admits.

“Okay,” Kai nods, and Regina watches as he swallows before adding, “She really likes you, too.”

Regina’s never understood the definition of a heart fluttering until now. She knows that Janis likes her, and she knows that Janis knows that Regina likes her, too, but hearing it from an outside party, from someone that hasn’t been echoing it like crazy…

Kai’s look turns more serious and Regina snaps herself back to the conversation at hand.

“She’s my little sister and I don’t want anything or anyone to hurt her. You guys have a history, but I want to believe that you’ve changed and that things will be different this time.”

“Me too,” Regina responds. 

Kai stares at her for a long minute, like he’s trying to see if she’s bullshitting or not. 

“Take care of her for me,” Kai says finally. “And I’m glad you cleaned your shit up. I never minded babysitting you guys and I’m glad Jay has you and Damian and Caddy in her corner.”

Regina smiles a little, “Thank you.”

“Come here,” Kai opens his arms, and Regina hugs him cautiously. Kai’s always been a hugger of sorts. Not the type to offer them on every interaction, but never one to hold back when the occasion called for it, either. “I didn’t say it before, but you got so fucking tall, dude.”

“You’re still taller than me,” Regina responds, which he laughs at.

“You know,” he rubs her shoulder, “I always thought you were, like, my second little sister. If you and Jay go all the way…”

“You’re like the second person to bring up marriage to me today,” Regina remarks, leaning back against the hallway wall when he releases her. “My grandma was going on about that today.”

Kai’s face turns sympathetic, “How’s she doing? My mom mentioned that she’s sick again.”

Regina dodges his gaze, picking at one of her nails. “She’s still here. I don’t know for how much longer.”

“I’m sorry.”

Regina nods, “Yeah. Me too.”

“She’s still in town?” Kai asks. “The old house?”

“Yeah,” Regina responds. “Why, you wanna stop by?”

“If you’re okay with it,” Kai fusses with his hands in the same way that Janis does when she’s nervous. Their similarities are endearing. “She was nice to me, too. I’d like to see her again, uh…”

Before she croaks goes unsaid, but Regina hears it loud and clear. She knows what’s coming. She knows that her grandmother is moving into hospice at the end of this month. She knows that that house is going to be haunted for the rest of her life.

“I’ll send you her address,” Regina manages a small smile. “She’d like to see you. She’s been begging to see Janis.”

“Unsurprising, you guys used to practically live there,” Kai responds, glancing at Janis’ door when it opens.

Janis has changed into a pair of jeans and one of her Northwestern hoodies, and she eyes Regina and Kai suspiciously when she sees them.

“What’re you two talking about?”

“Reg wants to be an archeologist,” Kai says almost immediately.

Janis looks at him like he’s stupid and Regina rolls her eyes. “What?”

“I’m joking, jeez,” Kai sighs dramatically. “I’m gonna head to my hotel. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“Please don’t make threats in public,” Janis responds, hugging him tightly. She whispers something to him, but Regina can’t hear it.

Kai bids a goodbye to Regina as well, and almost as quickly as he appeared, he’s gone.

“Hey,” Janis smiles softly at Regina. “Um, what is this I’m hearing about pizza tonight?”

“The girls want to go into town,” Regina responds, heart pounding in her ears. This is the first time that she’s been alone with Janis in weeks. Janis is within arms’ reach. She’s right here. “They wanted to invite Shane and Damian, too. Make it a party or something.”

“Okay,” Janis hums, stepping into Regina’s space. “So, our talk is going to be postponed for later, I’m assuming.”

“Yeah,” Regina nods. She doesn’t even know where to begin, let alone have the entirety of it figured out in the next five minutes.

“Can I hug you again?” Janis asks, like she’d ever need to ask to know what Regina’s answer would be. Regina’s almost offended.

“Of course,” Regina pulls Janis into her tightly, and Janis hugs her back just as tight.

It feels better this time, knowing that they don’t have an audience, and that they’re finally together and staying that way. Regina has Janis until March, at least. It’s a good feeling.

Janis pulls back after a couple of minutes, and takes Regina’s face in her hands. Regina resists the urge to kiss her right there, and instead mumbles a giddy, “I missed you.”

“Are we codependent?” Janis asks, moving closer to Regina, if that’s even possible. Regina’s just grateful that the hallway’s empty.

“Maybe a little,” Regina shrugs. She leans forward and kisses Janis before Janis can say another word, and giggles when Janis makes a surprised noise against her.

Regina wishes she were exaggerating when she thinks that this is coming home. Guilt blooms in her stomach at the thought, knowing how much the people in her house have been there for her recently, but the feeling isn’t there in the way that it is with Janis. It’s horrifying and beautiful in the same breath.

They take a step back from one another and Janis squeezes her hip.

“Until tonight,” Janis says softly.

Regina nods, “Until tonight.”

-

Thanks to Shane, the group ends up at an arcade. It’s something like an adult Chuck-E-Cheese, sans the mascots and animatronics and shit pizza. This place is lit darker, has better pizza (that’s significantly more expensive, but whatever), and it becomes a real party once Shane shows off the fact that he smuggled water bottle’s worth of vodka. Regina really doesn’t want him to get caught, but there’s something extremely entertaining about him helping everyone spike their drinks. 

Janis and Regina keep on finding corners of the arcade to hide in, and Regina’s too close to suggesting that they just go home and leave their friends to their own devices. It’s not like they’d be completely abandoned, Cady and Gretchen are completely sober, and Janis and Regina are just barely tipsy.

“You know what I want?” Janis asks, hanging on to Regina’s arm as they search for a new game to play.

“What’s that?” Regina hums, pulling Janis a little closer.

“Adult jungle gyms,” Janis replies, sounding more serious than Regina expected. “Like, dude. I can’t go in the kid ones because of society, but imagine if I got to go to an adult one. Like, adult-sized. Bit more dramatic since you don’t have to worry about kids rolling off of things or whatever. Less dramatic than Ninja Warrior, though.”

Regina nods. It’s not a bad idea.

“I feel like you’d be a cat,” Regina comments. “Like, if you had to be an animal, you’d be a cat.”

Janis squints her eyes at Regina, and it’s then that Regina realizes that Janis is more inebriated than she is. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Thank you,” Regina stops at a couple of skee-ball machines. “Let’s do these.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” Janis retorts, pulling her card out of her pocket and swiping it. The little sway in her step makes Regina think that that’s impossible, but she’s not one to deny Janis of a little friendly competition.

Regina realizes that she’s fucked when half a second in, Janis adjusts her stance and suddenly locks in in that same way she does before a game. How her soccer reflexes kick in even when she’s drunk is a mystery to Regina, and admittedly, very attractive.

Janis gloats when she gets a couple thousand more points than Regina, and Regina’s not sure what about that makes her want to kiss Janis, but something does. She almost leans forward and does it in the middle of the arcade, but her heart pounds too loud in her ears and she freaks herself out.

“How about the basketball one?” Janis suggests, dragging Regina to the machines. “You’ll have a height advantage.”

“Height does nothing when you can’t shoot,” Regina retorts, watching as Janis slides her card and bounces on her feet as the basketballs roll down to her.

Regina watches, entranced, as Janis sinks basketball after basketball in the hoop. She’s pretty sure that Janis only misses three shots through the whole game. She’s glowing as her final score shows, best of the day, and Regina really has to stop herself from kissing her right there.

“Your turn,” Janis says, a shit-eating grin on her face. “Please?”

“I’m going to embarrass myself. You’re going to want to leave me and we haven’t even begun dating yet,” Regina responds, shaking her head. 

“Let’s play air hockey again,” Janis suggests instead.

“No, no,” Regina whines, not wanting to have an entire table between herself and Janis. “I’ll play the basketball one.”

Janis grins, and reaches up to move a piece of hair out of Regina’s face. “Knock ‘em dead.”

Regina winces, doubting it, but she swipes her card anyway and tries to copy what she saw Janis doing. It’s not as difficult to pick up as Regina expected, but she doesn’t have the accuracy that Janis has by any stretch of the imagination. She remains impressed that any shots go in, though.

When the stopper goes, Regina glances at her score and shrugs, and Janis tugs at her hand.

“That was good!”

“You’re so full of shit,” Regina laughs. “Next to you, I look like an idiot.”

“Listen,” Janis wraps her arms around Regina’s neck, a big grin on her face. “You supply actual money, and I’ll buy you all of the arcade plushies with tickets possible. We both have to bring something to the table.”

Regina hums, words spilling out of her mouth before she can stop them, “And what’s that table?”

Janis freezes for a second, like Regina just short-circuited her brain somehow. “Like, what are we?”

Regina adjusts her hands on Janis’ waist and pulls her a little closer, “Yeah.”

“Are you ready to come out?” Janis asks, her voice softening a little. “I don’t want to hide myself. Or you.”

“No,” Regina admits, anxiety scratching at her insides. “But I think it’s probably best to just rip off the bandaid. It’s not like I don’t… know who I am, you know? I know what I like. And who I like.”

Janis nods, “Okay. And you want to be my girlfriend?”

“My entire family seems to be planning our wedding already, but yes, I’ll settle for girlfriend in the meantime,” Regina responds, smiling when Janis’ face goes red. She leans forward and presses her forehead to Janis’, “Be my girlfriend.”

“That’s not a question,” Janis responds, one of her hands floating up to cup Regina’s cheek.

“Wasn’t supposed to be.”

“You’re like, 100% sure? Thousand? Hundred million?” Janis asks, meeting Regina’s eyes. Her heart breaks at the fact that Janis’ worry is founded somewhere real, but she knows that she’s trying to do better. She will be better.

Regina leans forward to kiss Janis quickly, mumbling a yes against her lips before Janis takes the chance to kiss her, too.

Regina doesn’t think she’s ever felt more happy in her life. She has a girlfriend. And her girlfriend is Janis. Something about that sentence tastes like love, but Regina doesn’t know how to verbalize it. She’s in love with a girl. The sentence feels like something that would’ve given her a heart attack a couple of months ago, but it feels good now.

“We should go back to the dorms,” Janis says when they part, but Regina can hardly focus on what she’s saying with the soothing way that Janis is playing with the baby hairs on the back of her neck.

“We should cash in our tickets,” Regina says, not really wanting to step into the wintry hell outside yet. “I was promised a plushie.”

Janis’ eyes alight with giddy excitement, and she quickly grabs Regina’s hand and tugs her towards the redemption area. She picks out a little pink bear for Regina, and a matching green one for herself. 

Regina redeems some smaller candies, including a couple of Airheads, since those were Janis’ favorites when they were kids. The employee working seems like he wishes he were anywhere else, but he’s nice enough and gives them a bag to hold everything.

They run into Damian as they’re leaving the redemption area, who narrows his eyes at them with drunk suspicion.

“Are you guys lesbians?”

“The first thing that you did when you met me was flop your wrist at me!” Janis retorts, swatting him.

“No, no, no,” Damian whines. “You two. Lesbianing. Together. Is that… is that what’s happening? It seems like lesbianing. Or is that scissoring?”

Regina snorts, but Janis fully laughs. “That’s officially the most insane question that I’ve ever been asked.”

“Are you?” Damian’s eyes widen. “Is war over? Can I start calling you guys an insufferably cute couple? Because I’ve been so good.”

Janis’ eyes meet Regina’s. She’s asking if she can say yes, and Regina takes a second more than she would’ve liked, but she nods.

Janis looks back at Damian, “Yes. We’re girlfriends.”

Damian’s jaw drops, “Oh my god! Wait, I’m so happy for you guys. Oh my god. I love gay people. Congrats, guys.”

He pulls Regina into a hug before she can stop him, but the acceptance feels better than she could’ve imagined. He and Janis have a longer moment, and Regina feels so thankful that Janis has had him in her life all this time. Damian’s too good.

“What’re we celebrating?” Shane interrupts, rocking on his heels and almost stumbling back into one of the air hockey setups. “Woah.”

“You need to go home,” Regina remarks, wrapping an arm around him when he almost stumbles again and nearly gagging at the smell of alcohol wafting off of him. 

“I’m fine,” Shane grumbles, wrapping an arm around Regina, too, clearly needing the stability. “Why are we happy?”

“They’re gay, Shane!” Damian cheers. “Our girls are gay! Together!”

“Wait, seriously?” Shane nudges Regina, waiting for her to nod before pulling her into a tight hug. “Holy shit, I’m so happy for you, Reg.”

“Thank you,” Regina says softly, squeezing him back tightly. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Shane kisses her hair before releasing her and pointing at Janis, mock seriousness on his face. “Take care of her.”

“I will,” Janis says, an impossibly soft smile on her face. Regina swears that she falls in love again.

“We’re gonna head out, actually,” Regina says, somewhat gracefully handing Shane off to Damian. “Please make sure he gets home safe.”

“I will,” Damian assures her. “Does anyone else know about you guys?”

“Not yet,” Janis responds. “We’ll… uh, tell them soon?”

“In the morning?” Regina suggests. “We’ll figure it out.”

Damian nods. “Okay. Get home safe.”

“You, too,” Janis and Regina bid him goodbyes and head to the front of the building. Regina busies herself with ordering an Uber for them, even though they walked. It’s too fucking cold and she really just wants to get back.

Janis rifles through the bag for her plushie, and holds it out to Regina. “This one’s yours.”

“I thought the pink one was mine,” Regina replies.

“Yes,” Janis nods, “but I want it. And I want you to have this one because then… it’s like I’m with you.”

Regina smiles softly, “You’re cute.”

Janis grins, shoving the green plush into Regina’s hands and pulling her into a quick kiss. “You’re cuter. I’m glad we’re real girlfriends now.”

Regina kisses her again, “Me too.”

Chapter Text

Regina wakes up the next morning in Janis’ room.

Janis is still asleep, arms wrapped tightly around Regina’s body like she’s never going to let her go. Regina’s flattered, but she kind of does have to pee.

Janis has her face pressed against Regina’s shoulder, and one of her legs wrapped around Regina’s leg. If she were anyone else, Regina would feel boxed in, but with Janis, she just feels warm. 

There’s a moment of disbelief about the night before. She doesn’t really know what possessed her to say yes so soon. It was something that she thought would take a bit longer, and while she doesn’t regret it - she can’t stop replaying the night in her head -, she really didn’t think it’d pan out in that way.

But now, she has a girlfriend. And her girlfriend is Janis. And that’s all that matters.

She reaches over for her phone, and her stomach drops at the fact that there are 67 unchecked texts from the suite’s group chat. What the actual fuck could they have been talking about? The first message was sent at 12:48, and the last message was sent sometime after one in the morning.

karen
wehre

karen
were

karen
wheer

karen
WHE RE

gretchen
I’m in the bathroom I’ll be out in a minute

karen
i kno that

karen
KNOW

karen
regina

karen
wehre regin

cady
I think she and Janis left

karen
to drunk

cady
Where are you?

cady
Regina if you feel like checking in that’d be great too

karen
basketball

karen
shan one 😞 

cady
Shane’s still here ????

gretchen
He and Damian didn’t say that they were leaving

cady
They should’ve

cady
Shane’s hammered

karen
ONE AGAN

gretchen
Karen winning is won not one 🫶

karen
thank

cady
Janis is at the dorms

cady
If Regina’s with her then she’s fine

gretchen
I think I saw them

gretchen
Earlier

gretchen
Is Regina straight 

cady
I never asked

cady
Isn’t that rude to ask somebody? Like if they’re gay or not?

gretchen
I would think so

gretchen
We do live with her though

karen
sane puke

cady
Oh my god

gretchen
Where are you babes?

karen
bask

karen
etball

cady
Why is that in two parts ???

gretchen
Regina are you home safe

cady
I’m assuming she’s with Janis

gretchen
I’d like the confirmation

cady
She hasn’t died yet 🤷‍♀️

gretchen
Fine if she’s not back in the morning

gretchen
Then we panic

cady
If she’s not back and we haven’t heard from Janis

cady
THEN we panic

karen
wann go home

karen
can add shae

cady
This is the roommates group chat Karen

karen
he rommate

gretchen
Cady look up I think I see you

cady
Oh good!

karen
tac ball

cady
What

karen
tao bel

cady
Taco Bell?

karen
ye

cady
Wait now I’m hungry

karen
snae ung too

cady
Didn’t he just throw up?

karen
smells

cady
We’re coming don’t worry

cady
Had to find someone to clean it up

karen
up agan

cady
Karen we’re coming it’s okay

cady
Step away from it so it’s not so bad

karen
oL

karen
OK

Regina doesn’t know what to think of the texts, and she tries to be okay with the fact that they’re already suspecting that she’s not straight. It’s not that big of a deal, really, Gretchen’s not wrong, exactly, to think otherwise. Regina wonders if Cady ever told the others about Janis sleeping over on the night of her birthday. 

That was not the platonic display that she wanted. That was something bigger, something charged, something different, and something that existed between her and Janis but in the view of Cady. She remembers wanting to lay on Janis and being too exhausted to care about the fact that they were in her room for a change, and then falling asleep there because really, where else would she belong? 

And now, she’s with Janis again. Her suite mates must suspect something. Unless she pushed them too far and now they only care so that her body showing up doesn’t look like it’s their fault.

Regina puts her phone down and adjusts on the bed, wanting to sleep a little longer.

Janis adjusts her face against Regina’s shoulder, but doesn’t make any more movement that suggests she’s waking up. Regina curls a little bit closer to her and adjusts the arm around her waist so that her hand rests on the small of Janis’ back. She presses a kiss to Janis’ hair and relaxes again against the pillows, smiling to herself about the fact that she’s with her girlfriend.

This one thing is okay, and for now, that’s enough.

-

When Regina goes back to her dorm, it’s mid-morning and Janis is still asleep in her own room. Regina left a note saying where she went, even though Janis has her location on her phone, and promised on it that they’d get dinner together tonight.

She’s not too thrilled about going back to classes tomorrow, but the distraction is appreciated. She won’t have to think about her grandmother, or her parents’ ongoing battle for Kylie (it should be her father by a landslide, but there’s a lot of money on both sides and her mother is nothing if not relentlessly trying to hold on to her control), or navigating the world as a girl with a girlfriend rather than by herself.

There’s a nagging voice in the back of her head that none of this would truly matter if she’d decided on going to NYU, but she tries to ignore it. She shouldn’t be thinking about NYU when things are finally going okay here. Dreams change. It’s fine. It’s worked out.

The dorm, when she arrives, is looking exactly how she left it the day before, except for the fact that Karen is sprawled out on the couch, head resting in Gretchen’s lap and one of her legs hanging off entirely. Gretchen’s tucked her legs under her body, and her body under a blanket, and nothing about her seems chill about whatever she and Karen are doing.

Gretchen’s eyes flick to Regina when she sees her, wide and wondering.

“Regina’s home!” she nearly exclaims. Karen groans in her lap. Cady appears in her and Regina’s bedroom doorway.

Cady’s still in PJs, glasses on top of her head and sporting a Northwestern t-shirt under her unzipped blue hoodie.

“Hi, G,” Karen waves, barely, from her spot on the couch. Regina wonders off-handedly if she’s still drunk.

“Hi,” Regina kicks off her shoes and locks the door behind herself. “Why are we all out here?”

“We have some questions,” Gretchen starts off, glancing at Cady like she needs her help. Cady just sits down in one of the armchairs, not making any kind of comment. Gretchen looks back at Regina, “We’re also glad that you’re home, and not… dead somewhere.”

Regina hums, reminded of the first morning that she came home after spending the night with Janis. Even though she has an urge to tell them to get off her back and leave her alone because it’s not their business, she remembers all of the progress she’s made. They’re not enemies. Cady and Gretchen both look curious, and while Karen’s not totally here (Regina assumes the hangover must be insane), she’s squinting at Regina like she has questions, too.

“Uh,” Regina nods warily. “What’s up?”

“Where were you?” Gretchen asks.

Regina hears her heart thudding in her ears, but sucks up the nervous feeling in her chest and says, “I was with Janis.”

Cady glances back in Gretchen’s direction, and Regina can only imagine that she’s trying to tell her told you so without actually saying it.

“Are you and Janis dating?” Karen asks.

Cady and Gretchen’s eyes immediately snap to her, and Regina immediately knows that that question wasn’t part of the plan. They were probably planning to be more tactful, but Regina felt it coming. Her stomach still turns. Her nerves still feel exposed. She wonders if it’ll ever stop feel like she’s getting caught doing something. 

“Yeah.”

Her voice comes out quieter than she wanted. She sounds more scared than she would’ve liked. She’s scared shitless, she knows that, but letting other people know it makes her skin crawl. 

The way that they’re all looking at her now makes her want to turtle away. Karen’s got a big dumb smile on her face, like she expected this and she’s here for it. Gretchen looks confused. Cady looks like she knew this was coming but she’s surprised - some kind of middle point between Karen and Gretchen’s reactions.

“How long have you been together?” Gretchen asks, eyes wide. “She’s the one you’re always sleeping over with, right?”

Regina nods, words lost on her tongue. She swallows, “We made things official last night.”

“Wait,” Cady narrows her eyes. “This hasn’t been going on? You just became girlfriends last night?”

“Yeah,” Regina eases herself on to the open chair in the room. There’s a part of her wondering why anyone hasn’t asked the obvious question or poked at the fact that Regina’s never come out to them, but she’s stressing out too much over the sheer concept of them knowing about her and Janis to put much thought to that. “We were, um, hooking up all of last quarter, but nothing was official until last night. We wanted to wait until we got back from break.”

“I’m so confused,” Karen moves to sit up, and there’s a moment where she visibly stabilizes herself. Regina can’t help but be a little worried, but Gretchen grabs a half-empty Gatorade from the side table and hands it to her.

Karen takes a sip and then meets Regina’s gaze again, “When did you and Janis start hooking up? The night we all moved in?”

“…yes.”

“Why not make it a thing then?” Karen asks next. “You’ve liked each other the whole time?”

“I…” Regina fusses with the sleeves of her hoodie. “I wasn’t ready for a relationship with… a girl. I wasn’t even okay with being a lesbian when we met, I guess? I don’t even know why she waited me out and how we got here, but she kind of just stuck with me and then we made everything really a thing last night.”

“Oh,” Karen murmurs.

“Wait, is this you coming out to us?” Gretchen asks.

“Seems like it,” Regina manages a little shrug, and before she can blink, Karen’s launching off the couch and hugging her tightly. Regina doesn’t realize until it’s happening how good the acceptance feels, and hugs Karen back just as tight.

“I’m proud of you,” Karen whispers, and Regina nearly sobs.

She swallows it instead, and whispers a thank you back before Karen lets go of her and Regina faces the other girls.

“So, this entire time,” Cady cocks her head to the side. “When you’re coming home in the mornings or disappearing at parties, Janis?”

Regina nods. “I’m sorry I didn’t… I’m not good at opening up. And, um… my mom isn’t very… with this shit. And not the nicest. But I’m trying to be better. We already told Damian and Shane, too. I want to do this right. Which is why I’m telling you guys all of this.”

The room is silent, and Regina tacks on, “Janis also doesn’t want us to be closeted, and we all spend so much time with each other that it was going to come out at some point, so…”

“You really like her,” Gretchen says softly. It feels like it should be a question, but it’s said as a statement.

Regina wrings her hands, mumbling a quiet, “Yeah.” It feels like the only word that she can say. She’s pretty sure that if she says anything else, she’ll blurt out that she’s in love with Janis, and she doesn’t think she’s ready for anyone to know that yet. It’s too soon. It’s too much. It makes her head hurt even though her heart soars at the idea.

“Enough about me,” Regina adjusts herself in her chair. “We need breakfast.”

“Yes, we do,” Karen agrees. “Please.”

“Should we invite the others?” Gretchen asks. “I haven’t heard from them yet.”

“They’re probably sleeping,” Cady chimes in. “And isn’t Hawaii like, 5 hours behind? Janis isn’t going to be seen until dinner.”

“Probably not,” Regina’s eyes fall on her own lap, and she smiles to herself at the idea of Janis waking up sometime around noon thinking it’s early in the morning.

It’s as her roommates all switch the conversation to figuring out going to the dining hall that Regina feels like she can finally breathe. Everyone important to her knows. And Janis is her girlfriend.

Of course, she still has to tell her grandmother that it’s official, but she’s much less nervous about that. 

(And until then, she has a whole week of classes to worry about.)

Chapter Text

Regina thought when she and Janis made things official that there would be a bigger adjustment, but aside from slowly trying to get comfortable with holding Janis’ hand in public and accepting kisses as a form of greeting, things haven’t changed all that much. Granted, it’s only been a week, but Regina doesn’t suspect that their routine will change all that much.

Regina still sleeps over at Janis’ more nights than not, and they still spend most of their off time with each other. Now, Regina tries to let them spend more time in their dorm, but Janis doesn’t put much of a fight up either way once Regina gives Janis her Christmas gift, a mattress pad for her bed. She was pretty sure that Janis almost cried when she received it, and while Regina was pretty neutral on the whole thing, there was a noticeable difference between laying on Janis’ bed before and after. Janis likes it, that’s all that matters.

Currently, Regina’s in an Uber on the way to her grandmother’s house. She would’ve driven herself, but she decided to instead let Janis drive her car over. Janis has something to do with Damian, and while Regina would be content to just wait for her, it’s going to take a couple of hours and Kylie misses her.

When she gets to the house, she quickly walks up the driveway and in through the garage, not wanting to walk through the snow that has yet to be cleared off of the front path. She’s pretty sure that that’s either her dad’s thing to do or hire someone to do and he’s done neither.

She takes off her shoes before heading further into the house, and hangs her coat up in the coat closet as she calls out a greeting to the rest of the house.

“In the living room!” her grandmother calls back. 

There’s another second before Regina hears a pattering of steps down the stairs and Kylie comes whipping around the archway to the kitchen and jumping into Regina’s arms before Regina can even fully comprehend what’s going on.

“Reggie!” Kylie holds tighter around Regina’s neck. “I missed you.”

“Babe, it hasn’t even been that long,” Regina says, holding her just as tight and walking towards the living room. “How was school?”

Kylie blows a raspberry, “Stupid.”

“Why was it stupid?” Regina asks, pausing in her steps and pulling back to look her sister in the eyes. It’s now that she realizes Kylie’s in a purple unicorn onesie. Regina uses one of her hands to smooth Kylie’s hair, a bit heartbroken when she sees the frustrated look on her sister’s face. “What happened?”

“Some people were being mean about Mom,” Kylie’s voice is quieter now and Regina doesn’t miss the way that she dodges Regina’s eyes by curling closer to her and resting her head on her shoulder.

Regina smooths her hair for a minute as she tries to figure out what to do next. She decides that holding Kylie isn’t going to be the best for her and this conversation, and eases Kylie on to the counter next to them.

“What were they saying, babe?” she asks, grabbing a tissue when she realizes her sister is crying. God, how did she miss this? No wonder Kylie wanted her home earlier this week. She feels like her heart is breaking in her chest.

“They said she doesn’t want me anymore,” Kylie mumbles. “And, and, I don’t… I don’t want her either. She’s mean. But she knew how to paint my nails and Nana can’t do that anymore. And Dad’s bad at it. And you’re at school. And Mom kept my snacks in the cabinets and now we live with Nana and I can’t find anything.”

Regina wipes at her tears gently. “Okay. Alright. I’ll… I’ll talk to Dad, okay? About your snacks and figuring out some better system for the kitchen. And Janis and I will come by more often. Janis is really good at painting nails, she used to paint mine when we were little. And…” Regina takes a breath, trying so hard to not blame herself for all of this when it’s so easy to. She was the one that fought with her mother, after all, and came out and blew everything up. “I’m sorry, babe. Things are changing and it sucks when things change. But we’ll figure it all out, okay? Maybe we’ll even teach Dad to paint your nails.”

“He’s really bad at it,” Kylie whispers, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“I know,” Regina nods. “We’re going to figure it out, anyway. And those kids… don’t listen to them. You have friends that you like. Stick with them.”

“Like you stuck with Janis?”

Regina wishes it were that simple, or that she had a better example, but she just nods and presses along.

“Yeah. Like Janis. She’s coming over soon, too, did Nana tell you?” Regina asks, gently trying to detangle her sister’s hair. At least she’s not crying anymore. Kylie crying is something that Regina never wants to have happen. Her sister nods. “Go find your nail polish. We’ll all paint our nails and get pizza for dinner. I’m going to go say hi to Nana, come find me when you’re done.”

“Okay,” Kylie says softly.

Regina pulls her into a tight hug, and before pulling away, tugs the hood of Kylie’s onesie over her head and to cover her eyes.

Kylie giggles, “I can’t see!”

“That’s okay, the unicorn will guide you,” Regina helps her down from the counter and pulls the hood back a little to meet Kylie’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Kylie says, looking much happier than she did a couple of minutes ago. “What color do you want?”

“Surprise me.”

Kylie salutes her, and disappears off almost as quickly as she came.

Regina takes a second to compose herself. She hates that kids are being mean to Kylie about their mom. Why should anyone give a shit what their mom is up to? Their mom shouldn’t be involved, if Regina’s asked, especially not when she’s willing to destroy her relationship with her kid over who she loves. 

It’s fine. Kylie’s got a good support system around her. She has Regina. Their dad is involved. It’ll all be okay.

She heads into the living room. Her grandmother’s got the TV on and playing old reruns of Friends, and a couple of final photo books piled on the floor next to her as well as one in her lap.

Joan isn’t doing well. Regina knows that. She knows that her grandmother is in pain. She knows that she’s not eating how she used to. She knows that the end is near, whenever that might be. Her doctors have gotten less optimistic.

It’s good, though, to see that her grandmother still has the energy to page through these seemingly endless photo albums, and to give Regina a big smile and open her arms for a hug when she sees her.

“What took you so long? The house is not that big,” she holds Regina as tight as she can, and Regina tries to hold on to the fact that she still seems the same.

“Ky stopped me in the kitchen,” Regina says, sitting on the couch next to her. “Some kids are bugging her at school about Mom.”

“Christ, I hate kids like that,” her grandmother rolls her eyes. Her expression shifts when her eyes meet Regina’s. “You look good, Reg.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Regina retorts, eyes falling on the photo album in her grandmother’s lap. This one is more recent, of the last year, and her question is answered almost immediately because she does not recognize the her in the pictures. Something about her prom pictures looks Barbie-like, and less real. “Holy hell.”

“Oxymoron,” her grandmother tuts gently. “Did you and Janis make things official?”

Regina’s head snaps up and she meets her grandmother’s knowing eyes. “How did you know that?”

“Sweetheart, you’re glowing,” her grandmother squeezes her hand. “When did you two do it?”

Regina flushes, “Um, the night I last saw you. We kind of asked each other.”

Her grandmother smiles, murmuring a quiet, “Oh,” that comes out almost like an “Aw.” Her hand doesn’t leave Regina’s once, and she tightens her grip again. “I’m so happy for you, Reggie. And it’s all going well? You two are happy?”

“It’s probably a honeymoon stage,” Regina shrugs, moving a little closer to her grandmother and carefully rests her head against her grandmother’s shoulder. The wool of her sweater scratches at Regina’s cheek, but she can’t find it in herself to care. “We’ll see.”

Regina can tell that her grandmother wants to argue, but sees no point, and shakes her head are she turns to another page in the album. “Where is Janis, anyway? I told you to bring her.”

“She’s coming later,” Regina responds. “She and her friend, Damian, have something to do, so I told her I’d be here and she can come later.”

Her grandmother narrows her eyes, suspicious. “Please tell me you’re picking her up.”

“She has my car.”

“She has your car?”

“Yes,” Regina squints at her grandmother, trying to figure out what she’s getting at. Janis is a good driver, from what she’s told Regina, and the fact that she didn’t immediately jump at the offer when Regina extended it helped Regina know that Janis wouldn’t let anything bad happen to the car.

“And you say you’re just in the honeymoon phase,” her grandmother rolls her eyes, though there’s a little smile on her face and a glint of excitement in her eyes. “Do you love her?”

Regina’s breath catches in her throat. She would be surprised if her grandmother didn’t know the answer to that (especially if she caught on to the fact that they’re dating without Regina saying a thing), but saying it still feels so scary. 

This is her grandmother, though.

“She has my car,” Regina says again.

Her grandmother’s quiet, and Regina follows her eye-line to the picture at the top right of the left page. Regina’s car. Graduation celebrations written in the windows. Shane and Regina standing off to the side, grinning. It’s weird to think that he was the only person in her circle back then.

“I found your NYU acceptance letter the other night,” her grandmother says, some kind of tone in her voice that Regina can’t figure out. “I kept thinking about it. About how you were so dead-set on moving to New York City. And I was so excited for you. Becca did it and it was the best thing to ever happen to her. And obviously, not going has worked out for you, but… I don’t think we ever talked about why you didn’t go.”

Regina hums. 

She remembers exactly why. She remembers exactly how she was sat over the kitchen island, weighing her options and looking over the money with her father while her mother worked on dinner. Kylie was at a friend’s house for the evening. She said something about moving to New York City, and being disappointed about how Shane was staying, and her mother said “At least that twink won’t be coming around here anymore.”

Her dad didn’t say anything about that, he never did. Him being there in that moment was cause for celebration alone. But Regina knew that she couldn’t leave Kylie alone with her mother. What if Kylie made a gay friend? What if Kylie turned out to be gay and the main adult in her life was adamantly making fun of her for it? Regina knew that she had to stay. It wasn’t a question.

“I don’t think I was ready to go,” Regina says instead, not wanting to explain all of that.

“Past tense?” her grandmother asks. “Do you think you’d go now?”

“I don’t know,” Regina says, adjusting herself on the couch. “Why does that matter? You’re the one that said it’s worked out here.”

“You are the one that told me last week that you were thinking about changing majors,” her grandmother retorts, and Regina kind of wishes she could hide in her shirt at that. She’s not wrong. “And you always wanted to go. I know things are going well. I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want to do. But the option is always on the table.”

“Yeah,” Regina mumbles. “I guess.”

“Have you thought about what major you want to pursue?”

Regina wants to scream at the question. She has no ideas. She doesn’t know what she wants and she kind of hates three of her four professors this quarter.

“I’ve thought about that movie I watched when I was little where one of the kids was going to join the circus,” Regina responds.

“You would run the circus,” her grandmother laughs. “Set up a meeting with your advisor. They should be able to help you out, give you some pathways, play to your strengths, all that. That’s their whole job.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Regina says, wanting this part of the conversation to be done and over with. She has until the end of next year to declare a major. No need to put a rush on it. “Oh, I told Kylie we’d order pizza tonight, by the way.”

Her grandmother nods, “I like that plan.”

-

gremlin 💖
im here

shirt thief
come inside ??

gremlin 💖
please come and get me i feel Awkward™

Regina can’t help but laugh at the text, and quickly excuses herself from the movie that she’s half-paying attention to and the living room as a whole.

She passes through the kitchen, where her dad is working on his laptop and (as far as Regina’s aware) monitoring the pizza’s whereabouts via a tracker on the website. 

“Janis is here?” he asks as she passes through.

“Yes,” Regina grabs her jacket. “Don’t be weird.”

“Gay or not, I’m still your dad, and this is still the person that you’re dating,” he responds, eyeing Regina knowingly.

“Just don’t be weird!” Regina pleads, to which he chuckles at. Regina tries to compose herself. “I’ll be right back.”

She goes into the garage and opens the garage door. Janis is standing by it, bundled up in a warm-looking coat and Regina’s lanyard dangling from her wrist.

“Your car survived.”

Regina smiles softly, coaxing Janis into the garage and closing the garage door again. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“Me too,” Janis leans forward and kisses her, and Regina smiles into the kiss before she can stop herself. Sure, she last saw Janis this morning, and last kissed her right before Janis left, but it feels far longer than that and being back with her feels something akin to perfect. “How’s it been?”

“It’s alright,” Regina squeezes her hand and leads her into the house. “Nana clocked us very quickly.”

“Clocked you,” Janis corrects, shedding her jacket and handing it to Regina. “She hasn’t seen me yet.”

“Yet,” Regina kisses her again. “How was hanging out with Damian?”

“It was fun,” Janis fixes the sleeves of her shirt - a long-sleeved black shirt under an extremely oversized green one - and takes off her shoes. “We can talk about it more later because, honestly, I’m way too nervous about seeing your family as your girlfriend to be coherent right now.”

“Okay,” Regina says softly, showing Janis where to put her shoes and then taking her hand. “Let’s go.”

“One more,” Janis responds, stopping Regina just before they leave the mudroom. She tugs Regina close and kisses her again.

“You’re cute,” Regina smiles a little. “I told Kylie that you’d paint her nails tonight, by the way.

“I can do that,” Janis nods, letting Regina lead her into the kitchen.

Regina’s father is missing, probably getting the pizza, so Regina just shrugs and leads Janis to the living room.

Kylie’s stretched out on the floor, coloring in one of her coloring books, paying absolutely no attention to anything going on around her. Her grandmother is still in her spot on the couch, now with a book in her lap that Regina’s sure she hasn’t read a page of since the movie started.

“Oh, Janis!” she grins. “Come sit, come sit.”

“Hi, Janis!” Kylie says, waving at her.

“Hey, Ky.”

Regina follows her girlfriend to the couch, and sits on the opposite side of her. She’s stuck in the middle of Regina and her grandmother, but she doesn’t seem to care as she strikes up easy conversation with Regina’s grandmother about how she’s doing and how her classes are going. Her grandmother even mentions Janis’ brother visiting the week prior, and how good it was to see him and how grown up he is!

Regina’s father brings the pizza into the room as well as a pile of paper plates, and Regina can feel the awkwardness radiating off of him. He has no idea of what to do right now. It’d be entertaining if it weren’t so concerning.

“Christopher, be normal,” Joan comments when he asks if she wants her pizza cut up. “I’m old and sick, not demented.”

“You did call him Harrison earlier,” Regina points out.

“Please, I’ve called you Becca before,” her grandmother waves her off as Regina’s father hands off a plate with pizza to her. “That is a symptom of being old. You’ll call your kids the wrong names all the time when you have them and then you will understand.”

“My teacher calls me Fallon sometimes,” Kylie supplies.

“My dad called me Kai yesterday,” Janis adds, and Regina’s father looks even more defeated than before.

“I just worry, Mom.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” she waves him off again. “That’s why we have that nurse. And the hospice center move next month. But if you put one of those life alerts on me, I’m writing you out of the will.”

Janis snorts, and then stifles a laugh into her palm when Regina looks at her.

“I’m sorry,” Janis laughs again. “It’s a good threat. I stand by it.”

A smile crosses Regina’s grandmother’s face. “I would be careful, girls, Janis is coming for best grandchild.”

“Hey!” Kylie scowls. “That’s not fair.”

“Laugh at my jokes, and you’ll be back in the running.”

Kylie stares at her, like she’s not sure if she’s supposed to laugh now or not, and Regina can’t help the smile on her face. This must be what she’s been missing all these years. Sitting with her family. Giggling. Making fun of each other. Expressing concern and laughing in the same breath. Camaraderie. Love.

Dinner passes in much of the same air as it began, and Regina’s dad even eventually opens up with Janis. They talk about what Janis has been up to, what Hawaiʻi is like, how her family’s doing, what she’s majoring in. Her dad shares some anecdotes from college and her grandmother even chimes in with some of her own stories. It’s nice.

After dinner, Regina and Janis keep to their promise of helping Kylie paint her nails. Regina’s dad helps Joan to bed, and while Regina offers to help, too, her grandmother brushes her off and tells her to spend time with her sister and her girlfriend and to stop worrying about her. Regina doubts that she’ll be able to, but she listens anyway and tries instead to focus on the spread of nail polish that Kylie has to offer.

She ends up deciding on a warm pink while Janis goes with a random shade of maroon that Kylie has. Kylie, probably thinking that Janis is the coolest person in the room, picks what Janis decides on, and Janis is happy to help her with her nails.

“You know,” Janis says as she waits for Kylie’s base coat to dry, “I’ve never had my nails done professionally.”

“Really?” Regina cocks her head to the side, surprised.

“Never,” Janis hums, smacking the maroon nail polish bottle against her palm. “I don’t think I’d like it. Especially when I can do it at home.”

Regina just shrugs.

Kylie shakes her head, paying careful mind to not move her fingers. “I don’t like it when they touch my… Reggie, what’s the thing they push back? I don’t like it when they do it.”

“She hates when they have to trim her cuticles or push them back,” Regina explains.

Janis nods, “I don’t like that either.”

“Janis?”

“What’s up, Kylie?” Janis asks, uncapping the nail polish bottle and urging Kylie to put her hands closer.

“Since you and Reggie are girlfriends, does that make you my sister?” Kylie asks, and Regina nearly chokes on her drink. What the fuck. Who taught her this.

“No,” Janis answers. “But I’m still in your corner, just like your sister. Marriage is what typically makes people sisters who weren’t already. If, uh, your sister and I got married, I would be your sister-in-law.”

Kylie hums, not saying anything else, and Regina doesn’t know how to express how grateful she is to Janis for explaining that without making it a big deal. She kind of wants to say I love you right now, but it is not the time and she has more self control than blurting that big of a statement after a week.

“I’d like it if you were my sister,” Kylie finally decides, focus completely on her nails as Janis paints them. “Then you could do my nails all the time.”

“That would be cool, wouldn’t it?” Janis hums. Her eyes find Regina’s at one point, and Regina hardly stops herself from melting right there.

As the night winds down to a close, Regina and Janis head upstairs to Regina’s room. They weren’t planning on staying here tonight, but Regina doesn’t want to drive, and Janis doesn’t want to drive, and Regina has a queen-sized bed.

“I don’t have PJs,” Janis whines, flopping on to Regina’s bed. "This room is bleak, by the way.”

“I have barely lived here,” Regina responds, rifling through her drawers for something - anything. All of her good clothes are still at Northwestern. She finds an old NYU t-shirt in the back of the drawer and quickly decides against it, instead grabbing a t-shirt that she got from a trip to New York City and another t-shirt that she’s pretty sure belonged to Shane at one point. She throws the New York t-shirt to Janis, who sits up almost immediately, holding the shirt like it holds the answers to the universe.

“No way,” Janis looks it over. “A shirt? From you?”

“I’m just getting ahead of it,” Regina retorts, tugging off the shirt that she’s been wearing all day and turning around to unclip her bra. Sex is not something that she should be thinking about right now. She pulls on the t-shirt before she can think about anything else, and when she turns around, Janis is still holding the shirt like it’s something precious. It’s kind of ridiculous, it’s just a t-shirt.

“Go change, dummy,” Regina says, crawling on to the bed and slumping against the pillows. Today has been so long.

“Fine, fine,” Janis says, disappearing into the closet to change. Sure, they’ve changed in front of each other countless times, but something about being more cautious about it in this house feels nostalgic. They didn’t know anything when they were sleeping over here as kids, and now, Regina feels like she at least knows too much.

Janis comes out a couple of minutes later, clothes balled in her arms. She’s just wearing the t-shirt, which goes down to her upper thigh, and Regina swears she’s never seen the t-shirt look better in her life.

She puts the ball of clothing on Regina’s desk chair before crossing the room and crawling into bed with Regina. It’s then that Regina notices the shimmer of plastic on Janis’ forearm and her eyes widen.

“You got a new tattoo?” she grabs her phone and turns the flashlight on, wanting to see it better.

“Yeah,” Janis shows it off as best as she can. It’s just a jellyfish, reminiscent of the ones from Spongebob, right below and slightly to the side of the crook of Janis’ elbow. “I wanted to surprise you, I think.”

“It’s cute,” Regina curls up a little closer to her. “That’s what you and Damian had to do today?”

“It was the only day the artist had open,” Janis shrugs, opening her arms and letting Regina rest her head against her chest. “Thank you for having me today.”

“Please, my grandma would’ve gotten on her hands and knees if she thought it were dire enough,” Regina says.

Janis just hums, and presses a kiss to her hair. Something hangs in the air, unsaid, but Regina doesn’t want to say it. She just wants this moment, in this house, with this girl, in this bed.

It’s enough for now.

Chapter Text

As the end of January encroaches, Janis finds herself balancing an exhaustive case of homesickness, her classes, and her relationship with the grace of a baby deer. She misses home, her classes are fine but she’s finding it hard to care, and everything with Regina is fine when Regina’s actually at school, but that’s felt lesser and lesser these days.

It’s not that Regina’s completely absent, they still spend more nights together than not, but she’s definitely less available than she was last quarter. She’s at her grandma’s house every weekend so far, and at least once or twice a week for dinner. Janis knows that she’s probably being overdramatic and clingy, but these feelings coupled with missing her family so badly that her bones ache isn’t helping.

Her homesickness wasn’t as bad last time. She blames it on not knowing the relief of going home yet, and the fact that she was so tied up in soccer and her drama with Regina and the beginnings of college to truly feel it. But now, she’s been home, and her drama has mellowed (probably because Regina’s too busy for any to truly occur), and she’s tired. 

She misses her mom coming home at a time where only she’s awake and telling her about her day while her mother eats reheated dinner. Janis always steals from her, and Hera always seems to try and garnish the food with her fur. And she misses her dad blasting show tunes in the garage while he works. And, most unpredictably, she misses her brother. She misses being able to pop into his room and bother him, and him always saying yes to walking down to the beach with her, especially at night.

Instead, she has the library at Northwestern, with the chair across from her gathering dust instead of holding her girlfriend, and the concluding sentences of an essay that’s made her crazy the last couple of days. Regina’s currently at her house with her little sister, if Janis isn’t mistaken, but they’re supposed to go to a party tonight with all of their friends. Janis just hopes that that holds true.

Janis knows that she could go with Regina to her family’s house, but sometimes it’s hard to feel like she’s a part of things there. When she spent a lot of time there, she spent a lot of time with Regina. She spent some time with Regina’s grandmother, and Kylie was too young at the time for Janis to truly bond with her. Not to mention, Regina’s dad hasn’t ever been this involved and she knows that he doesn’t mean it, but something about the man is kind of scary. Maybe it’s just a result of who he is in Regina’s life that makes him scary.

She just wishes that she could go home for a couple of hours. She’s kind of convinced that that could solve all of her problems. She’s not sure that they’ll even be able to afford the travel, but she’s crossing all of her fingers and all of her toes in the hopes that it’ll work out.

Janis puts the finishing sentences on her essay and reads through it. Maybe not her best work, but she doesn’t have the energy to refine it further right now and the professor isn’t too much of a nitpick where her grade will be dramatically different. So, she submits it and sends it off, and finishes the Redbull that she’s been drinking for the last two hours. It’s lukewarm and kind of sad, but she feels much the same and packs her stuff up.

As she’s leaving the library, fists stuffed in her pockets and horrified by a gust of wind the second she opens the door, she spots Damian walking past and in the direction of their dorm.

“D!”

He looks over his shoulder, grinning when he recognizes her.

“Hey!” he smiles when he sees her. “What were you doing in there?”

“Finishing an essay,” Janis replies with a huff. “I think I’m like, completely fucking fried. I need a nap before this party.”

“Oh, you poor girl,” Damian squeezes her shoulder as they walk. “Have you seen your wife today?”

“Not since this morning, no,” Janis shrugs, wishing he could’ve taken a little longer to bring up the whole Regina thing. It feels like salt in the wound. “I think she’s spending the afternoon with her sister or something. She said she might be back in time for the party. I guess we’ll see.”

Damian’s quiet for a second and Janis glances over at him, only to see a concerned look on his face. “Oh, shut up. She has a lot going on. We’re fine. She texted me an hour ago to ask if it’s milk or cereal first.”

“As long as you say you’re okay, I’ll trust you,” Damian promises. “We’ll still have a good time even if she doesn’t show up to the party. You can get concerningly drunk and we’ll put you on a leash so that nothing happens to you.”

“Oh, how flattering,” Janis laughs. She’s not planning on getting super drunk, really. She just wants to get drunk enough where her brain slows down and she doesn’t have to think about how bleak her life has become over the past couple of weeks. She’s sure that it’s not helped by the fact that it’s the dead of winter, and that probably has more to do with her mood than she’d like to admit, but there’s nothing she can do about any of that. 

“What about you? How drunk are you planning on getting?” Janis asks.

“I was told that I’m nominated for safety tonight,” Damian says with a shrug. “Between me and Cady, and something tells me Cady’s going to either bail early or not come at all. Gretchen and I think we can convince her to go since Aaron’s going, but… who knows? Cady rarely likes these kind of things. Look who I’m talking to, though…”

“Hey, I’m not bad at a party,” Janis furrows her eyebrows. “We kicked ass at beer pong right before finals last quarter.”

“I think out of all of the parties we’ve been to since college started, you’ve left 90 percent of them early to go and hook up with Regina,” Damian points out. “Not to, like, knock you or anything, I’m so proud of you for routinely getting it, but your patience for a party runs out the second that you see that girl.”

“Some would call that romantic.”

Damian raises an eyebrow, “I prefer to call it what it is; you’re down bad.”

“Can you blame me?” Janis exclaims, making Damian laugh. 

“No,” Damian hums, pulling his keycard out of his pocket as they approach their building. “I was talking to my mom this morning, she still says that if your parents can’t afford to bring you home for spring break, we’ll host you. I know Pennsylvania doesn’t compare to Hawaii, but it might still be nice to get out of Illinois.”

Janis smiles a little, “Thanks, D. I’ll think about it. My mom still hasn’t confirmed anything with me.”

Janis hasn’t been to Pennsylvania with Damian yet. She wants to go eventually, but the distance is difficult and now they have less reason to correctly plan the trip since they’re at school together. It would be a nice alternative to staying in Evanston, though.

Damian nods, clearly okay with that answer for now. “How are the great ‘Imi’ikes, by the way?”

“Uh,” Janis shrugs, following Damian through the front door of their building and to the stairwell. “Nothing’s changed. My dad thought he broke his wrist the other day, turns out he just sprained it really bad. My mom’s probably going to kill him, she doesn’t like playing nurse twice. And Kai’s… I don’t know. He’s Kai. Probably pissing someone off. Or extremely bored, he sent me twelve TikToks last night.”

“Ugh, when do I get to go to Hawaii and truly meet your whole family?” Damian whines, though Janis can tell it’s more of a joke than any serious complaint. “What about the cousin you’re close with? Ali, right?”

“Yeah,” Janis nods. Ali’s the closest in age to Janis, only two years older than her. They’re pretty close, despite the fact that Ali sucks at texting and Janis no longer lives in Hawaiʻi full-time. She and Ali didn’t spend a day apart while Janis was back in Hawaiʻi for winter break. “Our spring breaks don’t line up, unfortunately. She’s like the week before or after ours.”

“Maybe one of us will win the lottery and then I’ll finally be able to go,” Damian sighs wistfully. “Were you serious about the nap? What time are you getting up?”

“I’m going to lay in bed until I either fall asleep or decide to get ready,” Janis responds, heading up the stairs to their floor. “Should I get my hopes up about Regina showing?”

“It’s only 4 o’clock and the party doesn’t start ’til 9. No need to get upset about it when there’s still that much time,” Damian says. Janis nods, even though she has a feeling Regina’s going to bail. That would suck.

When they get to their floor, they head their separate ways, and Janis goes straight to her room.

She sheds her jacket and her shoes, and then kicks off her jeans (which take her socks with them, lame) before climbing in bed. She doesn’t even know why she got so dressed today, but that’s not a concern right now.

She checks her phone in the low hopes that maybe Regina texted her, but there’s nothing. It’s fine. She’ll show up to the party. Janis buries herself in the blankets and her face in her pillow and reminds herself again that Regina did sleep here last night. She’s just clingy, or whatever. It’s fine.

-

After waking up at 6:14pm extremely disoriented, Janis decides to meet up with Damian and Cady for dinner in the dining hall.

It’s nice, despite the food tasting shittier than it did this morning, and aside from an awkward I don’t know when Cady asks about if Regina’s coming tonight, everything’s fine. They depart to change for the party with a promise to pregame in Cady’s suite with Karen and Gretchen and Shane.

Janis finds an outfit that screams frat boy more than lesbian trying to get her girlfriend’s attention, but Janis finds it a bit hard to give a shit about all of that and instead tries calling Regina while she’s doing her makeup.

Regina picks up kind of quickly, saying a quiet, “Hello?”

“Hey,” Janis grabs one of her eyeshadow palettes. “Are you coming tonight?”

There’s a pause. That’s never a good sign. “To…”

“The party,” Janis responds. “Shane invited us earlier this week. You were there. It was like the dining hall during breakfast or something.”

“Oh, yeah,” Regina responds. “Yeah. I’ll be there. Might be a little late.”

“Okay,” Janis mutters. There’s a part of her that wants to plead, but she doesn’t really have the energy. Regina will show. It’ll be fine. “Things going okay with your family?”

“Yeah,” Regina says. “Kylie’s not complaining about kids pestering her anymore, which is good. And my grandma’s pretty much all packed to move to the hospice place next week. It’s… um, getting kind of real. I don’t know.”

Janis’ stomach churns. She knows that everything that Regina’s got going on is big and crazy, and she’s begging for more time because her live and healthy family is just far away. Regina’s family is here, sure, but her grandmother’s going to die, and Janis is whining.

“Oh,” Janis murmurs. “Yeah. Jesus, I forgot next week’s February already.”

“Time flies,” Regina hums. “What’re you wearing to the party?”

“Uh, just a t-shirt and some pants,” Janis says. “I’ll probably throw on a jacket. Nothing crazy. You don’t have to… you don’t have to worry about coming, if you’re busy over there. We’ll all be good.”

“I’m not that busy,” Regina almost sounds amused at the comment. “Kylie and I are just hanging out. My dad’s home already, and Nana’s watching a movie with us. I’ll make the party.”

Janis nods, even though Regina can’t see her. She should feel better, knowing now that Regina will show, but she doesn’t.

“What time are you guys heading out?” Regina asks.

Janis shakes herself from her stupor. “I’m heading over to your dorm in a couple of minutes to pregame, and then we’re leaving.”

“Okay,” Regina responds. “I’ll probably be late, but I’ll be there. Tell Shane to send me the address. And send me a picture of your outfit?”

“You could just sniff me out when you get to the party,” Janis teases, rifling through her lipsticks for something. Nothing seems all that appealing, though. Regina helped her with her makeup the last time that they went out, and it’s not the same with her on the phone.

“Even if I were able to do that, there’s no way it’d still work in a frat house,” Regina retorts. “Send me a picture. I’ll find you.”

“Okay,” Janis replies, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“I’ll see you.”

Regina hangs up and Janis doesn’t feel relieved in the slightest. She takes the picture of her photo like she was asked to do, and sends it to Regina, and no response pops through in the thirty seconds that she spends staring at it. She then finishes her makeup and slides on a jacket, grabs her phone and keys, and heads out of the dorm.

She wonders if she’s an awful person. She bets that she probably is.

Music is blasting from the suite when Janis arrives. Cady’s sitting in the window seat, legs crossed and her Switch in her lap as well as all of her focus. Karen’s mixing something together with Shane, and they look a little intoxicated already. Gretchen’s nowhere to be seen, but the door to her and Karen’s room is open and the lights are on. Damian leaps up from his spot on the couch when he sees Janis.

“Oh good, we’re all here!”

“Oh, good,” Janis parrots, taking a shot when Shane offers it.

Whatever it is burns her throat and makes her cringe, but she takes a second before Damian intervenes and pulls up other conversation.

Janis is definitely a bit more drunk than she intended by the time they head off to the party, but she can’t find it in herself to care. She misses her girlfriend. Not being sober allows for the thoughts to float to the background instead of sitting on her frontal lobe, and she’ll take any relief that she can get at this point.

A bitter, resentful voice in Janis’ head tells her that Regina’s not going to show, that she’s going to stay with her family forever and Janis is probably never going to see her again. She tries to ignore that one, too, as she follows her friends into the house and grabs a bag of chips to sulk with.

Somehow, she ends up downstairs with a cup of something nonalcoholic in her hand (Damian’s insistence) and across from a girl that’s blonde in a different way from Regina. She’s smiling, brown eyes warm with curiosity as she looks Janis up and down.

The action makes Janis’ skin crawl, but she tries to just not pay attention to it. She’s waiting for Regina anyway.

The girl doesn’t let up, though. She moves closer, eye makeup glittering under the bright lights of the party. Her fingers dance along the tabletop as she squeezes past partygoers and closer to Janis, and the smile on her lips is nothing short of deadly.

Janis isn’t here for it, though. She wonders if there’s a Regina-shaped Bat Signal she could use right now.

“Hi, beautiful,” the girl says.

“I have a girlfriend,” Janis blurts, staring the girl down.

She feels incredibly wary right now, and she knows that that’s from the alcohol wearing off. She’s going to need to figure out a way to get a shot or two without Damian being lame and telling her to stop. 

“That’s okay,” the girl sidles up next to her, and it’s now that Janis notices that she has some kind of English accent. She hates that it tickles her brain in some kind of way and hates even more that all she can think about right now is Regina. “What’s she doing, leaving you all alone?”

“She’s on her way,” Janis responds, taking a step to the side. She doesn’t want to be too close. “I’m really not looking for anything, if you are, we don’t need to keep talking.”

“I’m not looking for anything,” the girl responds. “I’m Stella, by the way.”

“Janis.”

“Are you a freshman?” she asks, head cocked to the side a little.

“Yeah,” Janis nods, eyes falling on Karen and Shane doing a keg stand across the room. There’s something delightfully absurd about it. She looks back to the girl, “How about you? Freshman?”

“Sophomore, allegedly,” Stella responds, looking bored by the admission. “Majoring in communications.”

Boring. “Cool. How’d you pick Northwestern?”

“Wanted to get away from home,” Stella says. She runs her finger along the rim of her own solo cup, dodging Janis’ eyes. “My mum said it was a bit far.”

Janis stiffens. The ache in her chest that she’s been trying to nullify all night is back in full force, and she takes a sip of her drink as the girl next to her goes on about the time difference and the distance and suddenly Janis finds herself having to leave the area.

God, she wishes Regina were here. That could be something. Some kind of tether to the people that she misses so much even though they’re in no way interconnected. She misses her mom. She misses her dad. She misses her stupid brother and her judgmental cat and her gossipy cousin and…

She’s outside before she can really comprehend how she got there, chest heaving with breaths she’s not sure she’s actually taking. She’s freezing and hot at the same time. She feels like her brain is a fraying wire and there’s nothing to control it. 

She doesn’t know where Damian is. Or Karen or Gretchen. She’s pretty sure that Cady’s back at the dorms already. Regina’s probably still at her grandma’s house or doing her makeup or anywhere but here. Janis swears that she’s never felt so alone, not even when she just got here back in August and hadn’t befriended any of her teammates yet.

Janis sits on the steps to the porch, burying her hands in her sleeves and holding herself. She can hear her heart pounding in her ears and tries to take deep breaths, but the cold is choking her and she can feel her chest shaking. Her cheeks sting with every brush of wind from the tears that have fallen, and it’s not until she puts that together that she realizes she’s crying.

She just wants to go home. Why is that so much to ask for? Why did she have to leave Hawaiʻi? She should’ve just gone to the state college, like Ali did. Maybe things wouldn’t be so awful right now if she did. Maybe she’d be able to just go home to something that’s not an empty dorm room.

“Hey.”

Janis snaps her head up from her knees.

Regina.

She’s here. Eyes glittering from the lights inside and the colors reflecting on her hair. She looks absolutely perfect in her pink leather jacket and Janis’ heart hurts at the fact that she looks upset because of Janis. 

“Hey,” Janis’ voice barely comes out as a whisper and she wipes at the still forming tears. “I’m sorry. I’m…”

She doesn’t know what to say. It feels pathetic to say that she’s this miserable because she’s missing home, and even worse to admit that to her girlfriend, who’s going through more than Janis has ever had to.

Regina comes to sit next to her on the steps, “What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing,” Janis shakes her head, but the lump in her throat grows when Regina wraps an arm around her waist. She drops her head against Regina’s shoulder, soaking in her warmth the best she can.

“Clearly not nothing,” Regina responds. “Did something happen? If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but you’re not hurt or anything, right?”

“No,” Janis shakes her head and hates how her voice trembles even on the single syllable. “I just miss home.”

Regina holds her a little tighter.

“I’m sorry, Jay,” she presses a kiss to Janis’ head.

Janis wants to mutter a me too, but all of her energy has been zapped. She’s so fucking tired. This fucking sucks. She feels a little better now that Regina’s here, but it doesn’t feel entirely better and that just makes her heart hurt more.

“We can go back to the dorms, if you want,” Regina suggests softly. “Or just sit here. Whatever you want.”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Regina whispers. She squeezes Janis a little tighter, and holds her hands to try and warm them up. 

Janis finds herself grateful that Regina showed up, and frustrated that she ever thought there was a possibility that she wouldn’t. She tries to remind herself that Regina will show up if Janis needs her when they decide to head back to the dorms, and repeats it to herself as they settle into bed. 

It’s enough for now.

Chapter Text

Janis doesn’t bring up the night of the party, and Regina doesn’t know how to.

What she does know, though, is that it’s February and Valentine’s Day is coming up. She wants to make it special for Janis, but she doesn’t really know how. She’s never had to care about the holiday before. Last year, she and Shane got drunk and played Mario Kart at his parents’ house.

Things with Janis are more important than that, and she finds herself stressing about how little time she’s left herself to plan. She has a week and a half at best, and between helping her grandmother move into hospice and staying caught up on her schoolwork and spending time with Janis, she feels like the time is slipping through her fingers.

She’s run through every idea in her head, but none of them feel right. Some are too impersonal, some are too formal, others are too nonchalant, and most just seem impossible with the time constraint.

Regina finds herself daydreaming about it as her class finishes, and she’s so far in her head that she gets halfway to her dorm before realizing that she planned on stopping at the dining hall for lunch. It’s not intentional, but some days she finds herself forgetting to eat. It’s better than it was in high school, where she was purposefully restricting, but she’s still not great about it.

The dining hall doesn’t have much to offer, but Regina makes a quick yogurt parfait and heads to check out. She’s turning to leave the dining hall when she spots Janis in the corner, scrolling through something on her phone and nibbling on a slice of pizza.

She can’t help but hesitate for a moment - when she and Janis were texting earlier, Janis said that she had classes from 1:30-5, but it’s 2pm and she’s sitting in the dining hall. Regina wants to overthink it, but she bites her tongue and walks over to the table instead.

Janis notices her before Regina’s within ten feet of her, and pulls out the chair next to her before taking out her AirPods. 

“Hi, babe,” Janis gives her a small smile. “How was your class?”

“Boring,” Regina responds, setting her bag on the ground and shedding her coat. “What’re you doing here? Don’t you have a class right now?”

“Professor canceled,” Janis shrugs, kissing Regina quickly when the blonde sits down. “Is that your lunch?”

“Yeah,” Regina nods, not missing the way Janis’ foot gently knocks against her own. “How’s your day been?”

“Oh, phenomenal,” Janis responds dryly, taking a sip of her soda before continuing. “My mom called me last night about how we can’t afford the ticket for spring break, which, I was expecting, but still sucks. Kai even said he’d put some of the security deposit for the apartment he’s been looking at towards it, but I told him that if he did that I’d kill him and I think he’s scared of me.”

Regina hums. She hates the way that her heart gets a little excited at the prospect of Janis staying for spring break despite her looking so devastated by the news, and she immediately reaches for Janis’ free hand and squeezes.

“Is that why you didn’t want to come over last night?”

Last night, Cady and Gretchen hosted a little movie night, citing that everyone had been miserable about midterms. All they did was watch some old 2000s movie, and Shane showed up to whine about something related to the Super Bowl and then stayed because they had popcorn and some leftover drinks from Thanksgiving weekend. Janis was invited, but she wasn’t feeling it and told Regina to spend time with her roommates. Regina didn’t push, and she wonders now if she should’ve.

Janis just shrugs. “Cady was giving too much energy. I don’t know. Sometimes I just don’t feel like I can keep up. I’m sorry for flaking.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that,” Regina tells her, but Janis looks far more interested in eating her pizza than hearing something like that. Regina tries diverting the conversation, “What about this morning? Class go okay?”

“It’s fine,” Janis huffs. “I need midterms to be over. They’re bullshit. What about you? Are you going to see your Nana today?”

“Yeah,” Regina nods. “I was heading back to the dorms to drop my bag off and realized I hadn’t eaten, and that woman’s not above yelling at me, so, stopped here. And then I saw you.”

“That was gay,” Janis supplies, a little smirk twitching at the corner of her mouth.

“We’re gay,” Regina says, hoping it came off her tongue cooler than it felt in her head. Something still feels wrong about admitting that she’s gay, even though she’s sitting with her girlfriend in public, knowing full well the amount of feelings that she has for her and how they’re closer and closer every day to coming out of her mouth.

“True,” Janis hums, nudging Regina’s shoe again. “What time are you coming back?”

“You’re in class until 5?”

“God, I hope not,” Janis rips some excess cheese off of her pizza. “That is what my schedule says, though.”

“I’ll be back before then,” Regina assures her as Janis finishes off her slice. “We can meet here, or we can go out for dinner, or I can come find you when I get back if you’re done with class.”

“I’ll text you,” Janis replies. “How long do you have until you have to leave?”

Regina shrugs, “I’m here as long as you want me.”

-

“I am being nagged.”

“You’re being cared for.”

Her grandmother glares at the closed door to her room, and then huffs. Her eyes meet Regina’s, “I swear to god, Reg, every morning, How are you doing, Joan? How’s the pain? Anything you’d like? What do you want for breakfast? Would you like to go play cards today with Beatrice or Albert? Nag, nag, nag. Leave me alone. You think they’ve ever heard about dying in peace? For God’s sake.”

While it’s mostly sad, Regina can’t help but be amused by the petulant way that her grandmother is acting. It’s like she’s a child not getting what she wants, rather than a woman nearing the end of her life with more wisdom than anyone else Regina knows.

Her grandmother relaxes back into her arm chair, “You, too. You’re here too often. You are young and in love, you should be spending time with your girlfriend.”

“I want to spend time with you,” Regina replies.

“I know that,” her grandmother responds. “How is Janis doing? You are spending time with her, too, right?”

“She’s okay,” Regina shifts a little in her seat, eyes darting around the room. It’s bleak, even with her grandmother’s decorations. She refocuses. “She told me her parents can’t afford to bring her home for spring break. And… I don’t know. She told me she’s homesick the other night but hasn’t brought it up since.”

Her grandmother hums, eyes alight with something that Regina’s not yet privy to. “When is your spring break?”

“Um,” Regina shrugs. “I’d have to check.”

“Do that,” her grandmother replies. “You know, your dad had this girlfriend in college for like… I want to say, two months before he met your mother. And she went to, god, I’m not sure what country it is. But she did foreign exchange. And he followed her.”

Regina raises an eyebrow, still scrolling through her phone for the dates. Gretchen was texting about it just the other night. “He never mentioned ever doing an exchange program.”

“Because he never did,” her grandmother huffs out a laugh. “That boy followed her to wherever she was going. I asked why his GPA fell off so horrifically in one semester, turns out he didn’t get half of his assignments done because he spent so much time with her. Which is also when I decided to lock off his trust and Becca’s and Harry’s. Be in love, sure. But stupid? Not on my dime.”

The idea of her father being so spontaneous feels almost foreign to her, but there’s something beautiful about it. He liked someone enough to follow her. She wonders if he regrets it.

“Um, March 22nd to the 30th… 31st,” Regina responds. “31st is a Monday, though.”

“Okay,” her grandmother nods, jotting that down on the notebook on the table next to her.

“Did you not notice that Dad was gone?” Regina asks. “Like, when he went off to chase the girl?”

“It was his spring semester, and Becca was so busy with theater that I wasn’t really paying much attention to where Christopher was calling from. Your grandfather answered the phone more often than I did, anyway,” her grandmother shakes her head. “The woman left him. Enough about your father’s poor taste, though. What are you doing for Valentine’s?”

“I don’t know,” Regina tugs at the ring on her thumb. “Nothing feels right.”

She lays out all of the ideas that she has, from a nice dinner and a movie to checking out the exhibits that they missed at the Chicago Art Institute to just laying in bed for the whole day counting each other’s freckles and acne scars. (Her grandmother laughs at the last one.)

“Valentine’s Day is a scam,” her grandmother points out. “Just buy the chocolates. Nothing more crazy than that. And then spend the night together. You’re both so busy with school, no need to make things over dramatic. And there’s no way that you’d get a reservation at this time, anyway.”

“It’s Valentine’s,” Regina says softly. “I feel like it should be more special than that.”

“Her birthday is in April. Make that special. No need to stress yourself out over something that Hallmark invented so that you’d be out a couple hundred dollars,” her grandmother shakes her head. “Janis doesn’t seem to be the type to want something big and flashy, anyway.”

“Yeah,” Regina picks at her nail. “Oh, fuck, what do I do for her birthday?”

-

By the time that Regina gets back to the dorms, it’s a little after 5 and Janis is in her dorm.

Regina doesn’t bother dropping by her dorm room, figuring that she’ll do that later, and instead heads straight to Janis’.

She knocks on the door and is a little confused when she hears talking on the other side. She just wants to be let in so that she can lay in Janis’ bed and preferably, cuddle with Janis. She’s been awake since 6 this morning and busy since 8.

The door opens after a minute, and Janis lets Regina in. “The girlfriend in question.”

Regina’s surprised to see Janis’ roommate, Grace, there. She’s never here.

“Oh, shit, so you weren’t lying?” Grace looks Regina up and down and then back at Janis. “You two are cool?”

“As she said this afternoon, we’re gay,” Janis responds, hoping back on to her bed and crossing her legs. “So yes.”

Grace’s surprise doesn’t go unnoticed, and Regina watches as the other girl leans back against her desk and stares for an almost uncomfortable amount of time.

“All this time,” Grace narrows her eyes. “You’ve been gay.”

“It’s just as much of a shock to you as it was to me,” Regina responds, shifting uncomfortably on her feet. She should’ve known it was a matter of time until Grace found out, but Regina could’ve done without the confused staring. It feels like the voices in her head come to life and that pokes at her anxiety in a way that she finds difficult to verbalize.

Grace finally nods. “Damn. Okay. My gaydar is shit. Great seeing you both, I have class.”

“Seeya, Grace,” Janis says.

“Bye,” Regina murmurs, not knowing what else to say.

Grace disappears from the room, and Regina feels like she can breathe again.

“Sorry about that,” Janis says, moving to the edge of the bed as Regina kicks her shoes off. She sheds her jacket next, which is still cold from the snow, and runs her hands through her hair, trying to fix it. “Please don’t tell me you’re getting in my bed with jeans on.”

“I have nothing else,” Regina replies, eyeing her girlfriend curiously. “What would you rather I do?”

“Just take ‘em off,” Janis motions to her pile of blankets. “We’ll be super warm. And then we’ll be pissed because we have to figure out dinner, but unfortunately I’m not hungry yet and I… really want to cuddle.”

Regina hums, kicking off her jeans and socks with them before climbing on to the bed with Janis. Her blankets are assembled in something akin to a nest, with one pushed up against the wall, another that she pulls over the both of them the second that Regina lies down, and a third that she sloppily slings over them.

Janis is comfortably warm under Regina, and the blankets even warmer.

“I can’t believe it’s fucking snowing again,” Janis grumbles.

“It’s pretty,” Regina responds. “It’s also too dark to see it now, so stop whining.”

“No,” Janis groans. “It reflects all the moonlight. And it’s even worse when it’s actively snowing because that reflects back to the clouds and it looks bright outside. I hate it.”

“Does that mean you want to order in tonight?” Regina asks, adjusting so that her arm is firmly around her girlfriend’s waist. “Cause we can do that.”

“I’ll ruminate,” Janis compromises. “How’s your grandma doing?”

“She had a good day, I think,” Regina responds, grabbing her phone when it buzzes. “I swear to god, it’s going to be Shane about some kind of frat party.”

“Is he gonna be in the same frat that Drew’s in?” Janis asks, gently detangling a little of Regina’s hair.

“That feels incestuous,” Regina responds, checking her phone. It’s a text from her grandmother.

Nana
Tell Janis to put her dad on speakerphone when she answers.
-Nana

“Why would my dad be calling me?” Janis asks, sitting up. She grabs her phone off of her nightstand, and the two of them jump when it starts ringing. “Why does she know that?”

“Maybe she became a witch,” Regina moves to sit up, too, but makes sure that her legs are still covered by the blanket.

“Hey,” Janis says when she answers, putting the phone on speaker.

“Hey, Jay. You with Regina right now?”

“Yeah, she’s here,” Janis looks even more confused.

“Hi,” Regina adds, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness.

“Oh! Good! I’m glad I have you both. I just got off the phone with Joan,” he says, sounding more excited than either girl is. Regina’s still confused, and Janis seems to be in the same boat. “She’s sending you both here for spring break.”

“What?” Janis’ eyes nearly bulge out of her head. “No, she’s not. She can’t do that.”

“Flights are booked, kiddo,” her dad replies. “You’re coming home. And we’re all meeting your girlfriend. Again.”

Regina’s never been more speechless in her life. Her grandmother booked flights? For both of them? For Hawaii? Why would she do something like that?

“Holy shit,” Janis murmurs. Her eyes meet Regina’s. “Reg, we’re going to Hawaiʻi.”

“Yeah,” Regina nods. And then, “Shit.”

She’s going to Hawaiʻi.

Chapter Text

When Regina wakes up on February 13th, it’s to Janis pressing her nose against her hair and gently tracing circles on her back.  Regina’s body is wrapped around Janis’, with her head on Janis’ shoulder. Their legs are a mess of limbs and Regina has one arm wrapped firmly around Janis’ waist.

She wonders how long Janis has been awake, especially seeing as she wakes up first 80% of the time.

“G’morning,” she mumbles, smiling a little when Janis’ hand stops and then moves to the back of her shoulders.

“Good morning,” Janis fusses with her hair this time. “How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” Regina blinks, and pulls away a little so that she can meet Janis’ eyes. “What time is it?”

“Little after eight,” Janis says softly. “You have that meeting with your advisor today, right?”

“Yeah,” Regina stretches lazily. “And I have a class at 10, and another at 1.”

“When are you going to eat lunch?” Janis asks, pinching her girlfriend’s side. Regina yelps, glaring at Janis, who just presses on. “You have to eat lunch.”

“I don’t know, I’ll figure it out,” Regina pinches Janis’ side in response. Janis just laughs in response. “You’re so fucking weird.”

It’s like she watches Janis’ brain stutter in real time, but no words come out and Regina’s not sure of what she was about to say. Instead, she moves on to something else entirely and leaves Regina a little confused, but Regina tries not to linger on it.

They get up and get ready for the day not too long after, making sure to follow through on their plan of meeting their friends for breakfast. Gretchen’s been pretty persistent that they eat a meal as a group at least once a week, and so far this quarter, it’s worked out nicely on most Thursday mornings.

The only one that seems to have a hard time waking up for actual breakfast is Shane, but he’s only missed three of these breakfasts and as someone that’s known him since they were in high school, Regina finds that pretty impressive.

Regina takes her normal spot next to Janis, who’s got Damian on her other side, and the group is already talking about spring break plans when they arrive.

“Oh, I don’t need to hear it from them,” Shane grumbles. “Going to Hawaii is insane. You two are UHauling.”

“If we moved in together, that’d be UHauling,” Janis retorts, flicking a blueberry in his direction. 

Shane’s eyes light up, as if he’s inspired, but Regina stops him. “Don’t you dare start something in here.”

“I didn’t even start it!” Shane exclaims.

“Are you guys?” Karen asks, eyeing the couple. “Like, going to move in together?”

“Next year?” Janis asks, and Karen nods. Janis just shrugs and nudges Regina’s foot under the table. “Maybe.”

Regina shrugs, too, not sure of what to think of that. It feels like a big step for them, especially seeing as she still hasn’t told Janis that she’s in love with her.

“You two basically live together already,” Damian supplies.

“We cannot be the only ones with something interesting going on,” Regina interjects, not wanting the spotlight to be on her so early in the morning. She can barely think a month ahead these days, let alone six. Maybe she lives with Janis next year, maybe she doesn’t. That’s not even a thought right now.

“Unfortunately, Hawaii is the coolest location of any of our spring breaks.”

“Karen and I are going to Spain,” Gretchen offers, and Damian’s jaw drops.

“What?”

“Karen’s birthday is the week before, it’s my parents’ birthday gift to her,” Gretchen says with a shrug. It’s like it’s not a big deal. Regina forgets sometimes that her wealth is close to nothing compared to Gretchen’s family. She’s pretty sure that they’re billionaires.

“Wait, don’t bury the lead,” Shane points out. “What are we doing for Karen’s birthday? We gotta contribute to the society.”

Damian scoffs, “You just want to get drunk.”

“How dare you!” Shane exclaims with mock offense. Regina fights to not roll her eyes at him. “My wanting to get drunk has nothing to do with me also wanting to celebrate my friend.”

“Can we get a keg?” Karen asks.

“Sorry, I’m still stuck on Spain for a week as a birthday present,” Janis interrupts.

“Need I remind you, you are going to Hawaii. For a week. With your girlfriend,” Shane retorts.

“My entire family lives there, dumbass,” Janis says, flicking another blueberry at him. She glances over at Karen and Gretchen, “Do you guys have family that lives there?”

When they shake their head, Janis just nods and mutters something about tax brackets being crazy. Regina kind of agrees.

They’re interrupted by Cady coming over, looking completely frazzled as she drops her food on the table and her bag by her feet.

“What happened to you, Cads?” Janis asks.

“Um, nothing,” Cady shakes her head. “I’m normal. What’s everyone taking about?”

“Karen and Gretchen are going to Spain,” Shane responds.

“No, wait, you’re acting weird,” Damian cuts in, shushing Shane with his finger. “Why are you acting weird?”

“Is this about The Incident?” Janis asks. Cady’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and Regina knows that her girlfriend hit the nail on the head.

“What incident?” Shane asks.

“You know, you are so nosy,” Janis whips her head in his direction, and Shane just grins.

The Incident is what the suite (and Janis, it seems) dubbed something that happened at a party last weekend. No one in their group was truly planning on going except for Shane and Damian, but they ended up dragging the girls into it.

Regina doesn’t know what happened exactly. She and Janis were maybe (definitely) making out in a corner of the frat house, but according to Karen and Gretchen, Cady ran into Aaron at the party and was drunk enough to start flirting with him. Allegedly, he took to it well, and even exchanged numbers with her, but Cady woke up the next morning with no recollection of the interaction and now refuses to go anywhere near him.

“You saw him!” Janis exclaims. “Oh my god, what happened?”

“I…” Cady’s face is bright red. “I told him I had to get to class, and I came down here. I don’t think I can ever speak to him again. I might have to move floors. Or dorms.”

“Well, that solves the problem of Regina and Janis moving in together,” Damian chimes in.

“Who is he?” Shane pesters.

“Aaron” is chorused from half of the people at the table. It’s almost psychotic how everybody says it at the same time, and Regina’s sure that it’s something that she’s not going to stop hearing in her head for the rest of the day.

“Wait, Janis and Regina are moving in together?” Cady asks.

“No,” the couple responds. 

Janis adds, “We were talking about next year. Humoring the idea of Regina and I sharing a room. But we have a whole other quarter until we even have to consider that kind of thing.”

“Exactly,” Shane flicks a raspberry at Janis while looking the other direction, and while a part of Regina feels dread for whatever Janis’ retaliation could look like, another part of her is impressed. He wraps an arm around Karen, “We should be thinking about Karen! And her birthday!”

“You’re a problem,” Damian responds.

“I’m a solution, thank you very much,” Shane pops a raspberry up in the air and catches it in his mouth. Regina just holds Janis’ wrist to stop her from retaliating.

“If that’s what you want to call it…”

The group switches topics at least twelve more times before Karen heads off to her first class, and then Shane, and then Gretchen and Cady, leaving Damian, Janis, and Regina.

“What’s your plan for the day, lesbians?” Damian asks.

Janis nudges Regina’s side, “Reg’s gonna be busy all day.”

“Oh, right, today’s your advisor meeting?” 

“Yeah,” Regina nods. “It’ll be quick and easy. And then I’ll be out of lecture by 3. Janis is being dramatic.”

“What else is new?” Damian laughs, moving to stand. “Good luck, Regina. And Jay, text me if you’re bored.”

“I will,” Janis replies.

Regina and Janis’ first classes are in the same building, so they head in that direction together. It’s disgustingly cold today, with biting winds that fly between buildings and into their faces, and no sun to temporarily abate any of that because of how overcast it is. She bets that it’s supposed to snow tonight.

“You sure you’re okay with a night-in Valentine’s Day?” Regina asks, twisting her and Janis’ fingers together in her pocket. Why Janis insists that putting her hand in Regina’s pocket is normal is beyond her, but she’s not complaining.

“After midterms last week, I don’t want to do anything,” Janis replies, opening the door to their classes’ building. “This weather is not helping.”

“Every time you bitch about the cold, I wonder again why you chose this school,” Regina teases, following Janis to the staircases.

“I thought global warming would’ve been more effective, I don’t know,” Janis says with a meager shrug. “It’s kind of unfortunate how convincing free tuition is.”

Regina just hums. “You never even considered Hawaii?”

“I considered it,” Janis says, stopping on the landing of the stairs and moving them off to the side. “I still think about what it would’ve been like had I stayed. But this was the best option for me. And it still is. It’s going to open the most doors. Just sucks that I’m so far away from home.”

“Yeah,” Regina says softly. “I’m glad you came here.”

Janis sheds her coat and grins. “Me too.”

Regina holds on to her coat as Janis pulls her backpack back on, and they head up the second part of the stairs to Janis’ class floor. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Janis tugs her into a quick kiss. “Let me know how your meeting goes.”

“I will,” Regina squeezes her hand and hands her coat back to Janis. “Bye, babe.”

Janis waves, and disappears down the hall.

Regina takes a breath. This is going to be fine.

-

The advisor’s office is exactly how Regina expected it to be and also not at all. There’s a front desk, with a woman that looks like she’s about two bad questions away from ending it all, and then a hallway with doors lining it and mumbled voices lingering in the air.

Regina takes a seat and tries to ignore how her hands are sweating.

She should’ve been thinking about this. She has been, kind of, but she doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t want to be a lawyer. She doesn’t want to hinge her entire life on art that she’s not sure she’s good enough at yet, or on it when she doesn’t know if she’ll find enjoyment in it when it’s pressured. 

She wonders if a fresh start would help. Kylie would be okay if she left. She wouldn’t truly leave, either, she’d be able to come back. There’s a part of her that feels guilty for even thinking that, but she’s lived in Evanston her entire life. There are other things that she wants to see. Even Janis was surprised to learn that she stayed.

She’s so lost in her own thoughts that she doesn’t notice the woman calling her name for a beat longer than she should’ve.

The woman is nice-looking, with long brown hair and dark-framed glasses and a comfortable outfit on. She’s one of the few people that Regina’s met that instantly makes her feel at ease. Some people can just do that - Regina envies the ability.

“Hey, come with me,” she says, and Regina quickly moves to her feet and leads her to her office.

It’s a nice room. There are pictures on the wall of her with someone that Regina presumes is her husband, and dog photos littering the entire room. Her desk is cluttered beyond belief, but there’s a dead space on the side that Regina sits on and a cup of pens with every color of ink possible and a little name plate propped up on the desk emblazoned with Sharon Norbury.

“Alright,” the woman sits down in her chair and urges Regina to sit down across from her. “First of all, nice to meet you. I’m your new advisor, the one that you met with last quarter left and now all of their students got redistributed and you have me.”

Regina nods, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m Sharon,” the woman continues. “And are you by chance related to Joan George?”

“Um, yeah, she’s my grandmother,” Regina responds. “Why?”

“The name was familiar, I used to work with her at North Shore,” Sharon replies, looking a little excited by that revelation. “Of course, I was just starting at the time and she retired two years later, but she was always lovely. Brilliant, too.”

“Yeah,” Regina smiles a little. This has happened to her a couple of times before, people recognizing her because of her grandmother’s longstanding reputation in the area, and it’s nice to know that people always have something good to say about her. On the other end, Regina feels bad that most people wouldn’t say the same about herself.

“How is she doing?” Sharon asks, typing away at something on her computer. Regina remembers her last advisor doing this, too, and she assumes that the woman is pulling her up in her records.

“She’s, um,” Regina swallows, not wanting to get into all of that right now. It’s easier to instead say, “She’s alright. Still kicking.”

“Oh, good,” Sharon hums. “Okay, so, you said in the sign-up that you wanted to talk about your major. What’s going on with that?”

Regina adjusts in her seat, sitting up a little straighter. “I wanted to switch it.”

“Anything in mind? I see you’re doing Criminal Justice right now.”

“Uh,” Regina pulls at the ring on her thumb. “I mean, I’m not sure. I… I wanted to be a lawyer, or, I guess, my family wanted me to be? Everyone just always said I was good at arguing and I should be one. But it doesn’t interest me, and I don’t like the classes.”

“Okay,” Sharon says. “You’re mostly in prerequisites right now. I can’t really do much about that part of it, that’s going to be the same whatever you do. But what else are you interested in?”

Regina feels like her breath gets stuck in her throat. What else is she interested in? Is she interested in anything else? 

“My… um, girlfriend, she tells me I’m good at drawing. And she’s a fine arts major, so I trust her, but…” Regina’s never felt so self-conscious in her life. “I don’t know if I want a career in that.”

“There are plenty of career options that are expressing that without solely being drawing,” Sharon offers. “You could also do something safer, if that’s what you mean in not wanting a career in it. We have a really good business school, I know your family is invested in that kind of thing.”

Regina has considered the business route countless times. Easy enough, and she wouldn’t have to be too high on the career ladder if she didn’t want to be. 

“Could be an option,” Regina says meekly. She feels stupid.

“Okay,” Sharon nods. “We could also mark you as undecided and revisit this as time goes on. You have time to explore options and figure out what you want before you fully declare a major.”

Regina nods. “Yeah. I know.”

“I just want to point out,” Sharon glances at her computer. “You’re doing great. Whatever you decide, you’re in good standing for your classes. You have good grades and lots of options.”

The curiosity falls from her lips before she can stop it. “What about transfers?”

Sharon looks taken aback for a second, like she wasn’t expecting that, but she nods, “Is Northwestern not working for you?”

“I…” Regina tugs at her ring, trying to find her words. “This wasn’t my first choice school. I stayed for my sister. But, uh, she’s okay now and I just… I don’t want to think what if for the rest of my life.”

“What was your first choice?”

“NYU,” Regina admits. “I got accepted. I just… stuff was happening at home. I didn’t feel like I could leave yet.”

“Okay,” Sharon nods. She types on the computer for a few minutes. “You could try applying for a transfer for NYU. Their final date for those applications is March 22nd, which is coincidentally when the quarter ends. It’s not a guarantee, obviously, and if you do it, you’re not bound to going. I can print out the requirements and you can see them on CommonApp.”

Regina nods.

“I’ll send you an email with all of the details,” Sharon continues on. “And, if you want some time to think on it, we can meet back here… in a week or two? See where you’re at, I can answer any questions about the application that you need if you choose to go through with it, and we can discuss your classes for next quarter.”

Regina nods again, feeling a little overwhelmed. She could go to NYU next year. She could finally leave.

The little kid inside of her is jumping for joy for finally getting the opportunity to do what she’s always wanted, but the person that she is now, the woman who is in love with someone and just got her back, is hesitating. She doesn’t know what to do.

Chapter Text

In the days leading up to the end of their winter quarter and spring break, Regina turns in her application to NYU, finishes her finals with a good amount of confidence, and makes sure to visit her grandmother at least every other day.

Their time feels more fleeting these days, with her having less energy and more pain, and Regina knows the time is coming. She doesn’t want to believe it, but the year that the doctors gave her back in October is starting to feel generous.

Her grandmother is still the same woman, though, pissing off all of her nurses with her pathological need for independence, trying to run the hospice home like it’s her personal army, yammering on with stories that Regina’s heard a million times but somehow sound new every time. She’s also always asking about Janis, and then asking about school, and Regina’s had a hard time confessing to her that she’s applying to NYU.

She doesn’t know why she feels so hesitant. Her grandmother has always encouraged her to go after what she wants, and NYU has always been something that she’s been behind. Regina remembers admitting to her that she was choosing Northwestern and the way her grandmother narrowed her eyes, curled her lip, and asked if that had something to do with her mother. Regina didn’t know how to respond to that one.

Regina’s currently on her way back from her second-to-last final to drop lunch at Janis’ dorm and then head to see her grandmother for the final time before her and Janis’ flight tomorrow. She’s still in disbelief that they’re going to Hawaii, but she’s finding herself getting more and more excited about it. Nine days with her girlfriend in Hawaii. It sounds surreal.

Janis has been working nonstop on a project for one of her classes, and she texted Regina a picture of the final product somewhere around five this morning. It was one of the few nights that Regina hasn’t spent with her recently, but Janis claimed that she was “a distraction” and that she needed to lock in and finish it. Much like all of Janis’ projects, the final product was amazing, and Regina knows in her gut that Janis will get the highest grade possible.

She knocks on Janis’ door when she gets to it, and doesn’t have to wait very long for it to open. Janis appears on the other side, hair pulled out of her face and in a messy ponytail, wearing a hoodie that she nabbed from one of Regina’s drawers sometime around Valentine’s Day and PJ pants with shamrocks on them. Regina doesn’t even know where one would get shamrock PJ pants, but she’s not surprised that her girlfriend has pulled it off.

Janis looks utterly exhausted, but brightens when she sees that it’s Regina on the other side.

“Hi, Jay,” Regina says softly, kissing Janis quickly.

“Hi,” Janis leans against her almost immediately. “I’m so fucking cooked.”

“You’re just on Hawaii time already,” Regina suggests, following Janis into the room and putting the bag of food down on Janis’ nightstand. The place is a disaster - clothing is covering almost every surface, and every surface that’s not covered by clothing has a different array of art supplies. Even Grace’s side of the room has been infiltrated, and the only dead space in the room is the small pocket of the bed where Janis slept, still indented from her weight and cocooned in blankets. “Did you just wake up?”

“Like, ten minutes ago,” Janis yawns into her hand. “It’s over. I’m cooked. My brain is an overdone steak.”

“Ew,” Regina cringes.

Janis groans, practically collapsing back on her bed. “How was your day?”

“Oh, phenomenal,” Regina sits on the edge of the bed. “Woke up lonely, had a final, and the dining hall was out of my favorite yogurt.”

“Did you complain to the manager?” Janis eyes her, and Regina can tell she’s teasing her by the way the corner of her mouth twitches.

“Shut up,” Regina takes off her shoes and sits fully on the bed with Janis, who’s moved to sit up. “Cady wants to have a movie night tonight. Since we’re all going away for spring break.”

“Are you asking me to fake an illness or if I want to go?” Janis asks, grabbing the bag of food off of her nightstand and rifling through it. “This could have food poisoning in it.”

Regina smiles softly. “No, I’m inviting you. I’m paying for dinner, I actually expect you to come.”

“Okay, I’ll be there,” Janis feeds Regina one of her fries. “It’s weird that we’re two-thirds of the way done with our first year already.”

“Weird how?” Regina asks, running a hand through her hair as she watches Janis fully open the container of food.

“Like,” Janis shrugs, “I don’t know. So much has changed. I haven’t lived at home for 7 months now. We’ve been dating for two and a half months and you’re not a repressed nightmare anymore…”

“Hey,” Regina whines.

“It’s a good thing, baby,” Janis reaches up and runs her thumb along her jaw. “You’re my best friend again, and my girlfriend, and I didn’t even know that either one of those things would be possible. And your mom fucked off. All good things.”

“Except for Nana,” Regina says softly. “That one’s bad.”

Janis nods, expression somber now. “I know. You’re going to see her today?”

“Yeah. Just for an hour or two. And then I’ll come back and we’ll hang out at the suite and watch movies. I think Damian and Shane are invited, too, but I honestly have no idea,” Regina responds. She wants a moment to not think about how close that all is to happening, and hopes that Janis just takes the topic switch in stride.

“If Shane comes, he’s gonna want everyone to get drunk,” Janis says in a way that almost sounds like a whine. “Is he okay? I swear to god, I haven’t seen that boy sober in a month.”

“He’s following in Drew’s footsteps,” Regina shrugs. “I don’t know. He’s sober during the day, that’s all that matters, I think. He did swear off drinking the other morning because he had a really bad hangover, but he and Drew are about to go to Mexico for break, so I don’t know if that’s going to hold.”

“He concerns me.”

“Me too,” Regina admits, taking another fry when Janis offers it. “But we’ve got eyes on him.”

“Yeah,” Janis hums. “I’m excited to go home.”

Regina doesn’t really wish to admit that this whole going to Hawaii thing has her scared shitless, but she knows that Janis knows that. She is excited to go, but knowing that Janis’ entire family is going to be within striking distance is a bit overwhelming.

She settles for, “I’m excited to spend spring break with you.”

“You can just say you’re scared of my mom,” Janis teases, laughing when Regina huffs.

“You’re mean.”

“My mom is not that scary. I survived your dad through your coming out, and your grandmother, who’s been setting us up since we were kids. My dad loves you. My brother loves you. My mother will calm down and be normal once she sees how normal you are. Jury’s out on the rest of them, but chances are, you won’t even see them.”

“Chances are? We’re hinging this on chances are?” Regina asks. “What about your cousin? Didn’t you say she’s going to be in town for the first weekend?”

“She’ll like you!” Janis exclaims.

“When you called me over winter break, you told me she was pissed at me.”

“People can grow,” Janis responds. The corner of her mouth twitches again as she adds, “Not me, but some people.”

“You’re so funny,” Regina deadpans.

Janis snorts, “I’m very funny, thank you so much. Either way, you have nothing to worry about except for the plane crashing, and we’re not on Lost, so it’s fine.”

Regina crinkles her nose, “Lost?”

“Wasn’t that the show where the plane crashed and they got stranded?” Janis asks, furrowing her eyebrows. “I could’ve sworn…”

“I didn’t even know that that existed,” Regina shakes her head. “Thank you for the added anxiety of a plane crash, by the way. We have 12 hours of plane travel ahead of us.”

“Sorry,” Janis leans forward and presses a kiss to her cheek. “I’ll save you if the plane goes down.”

“Depending on how the plane goes down, neither one of us are going to be doing any saving,” Regina retorts petulantly.

“Oh my god,” Janis holds her face in her hands. “We are going to Hawaiʻi for the next week. You get to see me in a bikini. Think about that, you doomer.”

Regina’s mouth goes dry at the sheer concept of that, and she has a hard time meeting her girlfriend’s eyes. She does get Janis in a bikini for a week. And she needs to get her composure back before she heads to the hospice center.

“You’re fucked up for that,” Regina manages.

Janis’ eyes dance with delight. Regina kisses the smirk off of her face.

Sure, her anxiety about going to Hawaii is endless, but at the end of the day, she gets to do it with her best friend. And that is reassuring.

-

“What the hell is on your mind that has you so quiet?”

Regina’s head snaps up, “What?”

“You heard me,” her grandmother responds. A couple of weeks back, she stopped wearing contacts all together, and there’s something about the I know what’s up stare that feels a lot more intense with her wearing glasses. “You haven’t spoken about anything if I haven’t asked about it. What is going on? Are you breaking up with Janis?”

“No! What? No,” Regina shakes her head, twisting the ring on her thumb. “Why would you even think that?”

“You’re acting weird, Regina,” her grandmother says. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing,” Regina insists.

“Does it have anything to do with Sharon Norbury?”

Regina stares at her, confused. How the hell would she even know anything about that? She’s not supposed to know anything about how Regina’s been consulting with her or talking about NYU or —

She takes a breath. Her grandmother just knows the name. She doesn’t know anything about NYU.

“How do you even…”

“Please,” her grandmother waves her off. “Sharon and I worked together when she got her start in the mid-90s. I knew she left the public school system, but imagine my shock when I open FaceBook the other day and see that she’s sent me a message. About you.”

Regina feels like an exposed nerve. What does that mean?

“She expressed her condolences for my diagnosis and all of that, and then ended it off with how much of a delight it was to meet you and how respectful and good you are,” her grandmother looks impressed, and Regina’s impressed that she remembered that. “She said that I should be proud.”

“Oh.”

Her grandmother hums. “I am proud of you, for the record. You know that. How did you two come across each other?”

“Um,” Regina dodges her gaze, twisting the ring on her thumb again. “I wanted her advisement on my next steps.”

“Changing majors?” her grandmother asks, and Regina shrugs.

“That and…” Regina swallows. “Um, transferring to NYU.”

The silence in the room is deafening. Her grandmother’s eyes widen and Regina’s sure that if the woman were more expressive, her jaw would’ve dropped a little.

“NYU,” her grandmother repeats.

“Yeah.”

“Wow,” her grandmother hums. “You applied? You don’t know if you got in yet, right?”

“I sent the application in this morning,” Regina admits. “I don’t… Sharon said I don’t have to take it if I decide that I don’t want to go, but…”

She feels something akin to a sob building in her chest, and she doesn’t understand why she suddenly feels so emotional. She’s been planning this for a month already. She’s fixed her application to perfection and her personal essay is gut-wrenching at the least. It will get her in, she feels it in her bones. She knows it in the same way that she knows that Janis will get an A on her final project.

“Mom’s losing the custody battle. Ky’s going to be okay. And dad has the house. And you’re not going to be here anymore…” her eyes meet her grandmother’s, and her heart hurts when she sees the way they’re glittering ever-so-slightly more than before. “I feel like I could get a clean start. I won’t be… Evanston is all I’ve ever known, and I want to see other things.”

“Does anyone else know?” her grandmother asks, voice gravelly.

Regina just shakes her head.

“Not even…” her grandmother looks surprised. “Janis doesn’t even know?”

“What would I tell her?” Regina asks softly. “Sorry, I’m leaving to New York? I know we’ve been working really hard on our relationship, but I want more and it’s not here, with you? How do you… I don’t know how to say that to her.”

“You’re going to have to, Reggie,” her grandmother responds. “If you decide to go.”

“If I get in,” Regina corrects, nerves coming at the idea of letting her grandmother down.

“You’ll get in,” her grandmother shakes her head. “I’m so proud of you, Reg.”

“Thank you,” Regina says, shifting in her seat. She doesn’t know what to do with the praise, and she doesn’t know what things are going to look like if she gets in or not.

“Why haven’t you told Janis?” her grandmother questions. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

Regina shrugs, “I don’t know. Things are good right now, why would I tell her? Especially if I don’t get in, then I just stress us both out for no reason? It’s better like this.”

“She is your girlfriend, Reggie. The first partner you’ve had that’s important like this. Maybe except for Shane, but that’s because you two are best friends anyway. You shouldn’t be shutting her out like this.”

“We’ve been together for two and a half months, not years,” Regina replies. “And I don’t have the acceptance yet. Once I do, then it’s a conversation, not yet.”

“You two are on a plane for god knows how many hours tomorrow, you should talk to her,” her grandmother advises. She reaches for Regina’s hand, and Regina nearly jumps when she feels how cold her skin is. “I’m serious.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Regina responds stubbornly, holding her grandmother’s hand in both of her own. “I’m gonna miss you while I’m away.”

“I’m glad you’re finally getting a life,” her grandmother cracks a grin and squeezes her hand. “You’re going to have the best vacation with your girlfriend.”

Regina hums, “I hope so.”

Chapter Text

There’s something in Janis’ shoulders that relaxes the second that she’s around her brother.

Regina doesn’t know how she notices it, but she does, and once she notices it, she can’t un-notice it. Janis is home. There’s something nice about that, and even nicer about the fact that Regina gets to experience that with her. 

She’s sitting in the back seat of Kai’s car, tuning out most of the conversation happening between the siblings but grabbing on to a few things; Kai’s upset that he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet, Janis hated the flight here (it was not that bad), their parents are excited to be hosting Regina, and something about the waves for surfing being perfect. Regina doesn’t plan on experimenting with that information, but she’ll be more than happy to watch Janis surf.

When they finally get to the ‘Imi’ikes’ house, Kai helps them bring their bags inside and Regina’s a bit blown away by the house.

It’s nothing fancy, nothing even too big, but the family is practically baked into the house. There are pictures up everywhere, there’s art on the fridge and sticky notes on different surfaces with a plethora of reminders for varying people, and there’s a cat tree in the living room window with a very judgmental cat sitting atop it.

“Hera!” Janis moves across the room in less than half a second, immediately taking the cat into her arms. She’s mumbling something to it, but Regina can’t hear it and she’s confused as to how this makes her feel more in love with Janis. “Reg, this is my child.”

The cat peers up with her with suspicion in her eyes, but doesn’t make any movement to get out of Janis’ arms. Regina’s never had a cat. She’s not really sure of what to do with it.

“You can pet her,” Janis says softly, fussing with the cat’s collar. “It’s how you win her over, to be honest.”

“Ali’s tried to pet her, like, twelve times, and Hera still doesn’t like her,” Kai points out, already raiding the kitchen for something to eat. “Protect yourself, Reg.”

Regina reaches out cautiously, letting the cat sniff her before doing anything, and Hera nuzzles her fingers affectionately. That’s gotta be a good sign, right?

“She doesn’t seem to hate you,” Janis offers, putting Hera down on the counter after a minute. She holds her hand out to Regina, “Let me give you a tour, babe.”

“I would love that,” Regina responds, taking Janis’ hand and squeezing her fingers for a second. 

Janis leads her past the living area and to the bedrooms. Kai’s door is wide open, showing off a relatively clean room compared to what Regina remembers from them being kids. Kai’s room used to smell like boy and have mess everywhere, but now it’s relatively organized and the only mess is a little bit of trash on his desk.

The next room open is something like a second living room, even though half of it is Janis’ art supplies and the other half is just an old couch and a large TV set up for video games and probably some other miscellaneous watching. There’s all sorts of stuff pinned up on the walls, but all Regina notices is a big tapestry that Janis must’ve done of three people.

Janis then leads her to her bedroom, and Regina’s a bit taken aback by the room.

Three of the walls are painted white, but the wall at the head of her bed is a dark green. Art is on every single wall and put up with varying levels of professionalism. A large cork board hangs over her desk, decorated with ribbons from art competitions, and sketches are on sticky notes and ripped pieces of notebook paper. There’s a shelf with some soccer trophies, the top of her dresser is clear aside from a three-pack of deodorant with one of them missing and a smattering of jewelry, and a cat brush.

The room is relatively clean, but Regina attributes that to Janis not having most of her stuff here rather than Janis being organized. Regina’s seen Janis’ dorm. Organized is not the word that she’d use to describe it.

Janis’ bed is pushed into the corner of the room, made nicely with a dark gray comforter and a million blankets all around it, just like at school. Regina’s pretty sure that Janis has always been like this, honestly. There are even a couple of stuffed animals; a Northwestern mascot plushie with a purple Northwestern shirt on it, a penguin plush, and a sloth pillow pet that Regina recognizes from when they were kids. Regina remembers asking for three for Christmas and getting all of them, but she hasn’t held on to them. It’s endearing that Janis has.

“The abode,” Janis hums, moving their suitcases out of the way and sitting on her bed. “My mom was in here.”

“How do you know that?” Regina asks, sitting down next to her on the bed. The bed is almost absurdly comfortable, but Regina attributes that to the fact that they’ve been traveling for 16 hours.

“She hung up my towels,” Janis points to the towels hung up on the back of her door. “I know I left those fucks on the floor.”

“She’s trying to make you look good,” Regina says with a hum, smiling when Janis shrugs and mumbles an affirmation. “Your room is cute, Jay.”

“Thank you,” Janis grins, tugging Regina to lay down with her. Regina does so without any complaints, feeling like she’s finally able to breathe. “Wait, oh my god! You’re laying on Penguin!”

“No fucking way you named him Penguin,” Regina retorts, shifting her shoulder so that Janis can grab him.

“If it looks like a penguin and quacks like a penguin…”

“Quacks like a penguin.”

Janis furrows her eyebrows, tucking the toy against her chest. “They’re birds.”

“Birds do not quack,” Regina retorts, moving away from her so that she can watch her expression in full. “Who told you that birds quack?”

“I know that birds don’t quack,” Janis swats her. “Penguins do. They also chirp. And squawk.”

“You just insinuated that birds quack,” Regina says, smiling when she watches Janis roll back the conversation in her head.

“Okay, maybe I did, but I know that they don’t quack,” Janis concedes, sighing. She tugs her penguin closer to her body. “His name is still Penguin.”

“Clever.”

“I’ll kick you out of this bed,” Janis says non-threateningly.

Regina just curls up closer to her, and smiles when Janis wraps her free arm around her and presses a kiss to her head. She knows they haven’t said it yet, and she has no confirmation of if Janis really does love her back, but in this moment, she’s never felt more loved.

-

Janis’ parents return later that evening, long after Regina and Janis take a nap and shower and unpack some of their things. The entire thing is incredibly domestic, and Regina can’t help but wonder about a life that looks like this years down the line - visiting Janis’ parents for holidays, maybe even eventually renting their own place for their duration, going on more trips together…

She doesn’t let herself get too carried away. She still hasn’t told Janis about NYU, and she still has no idea of how to, especially when it’s still a hypothetical rather than an actual thing happening.

Regina knows that if she gets in, she’ll want to take it, but she’s never had this decision feel so rocky. NYU is all she ever wanted as a kid, but Janis is her favorite person. If Regina had to choose, aside from Kylie, Janis will always win. 

But, that’s not something to think about right now, because Janis’ parents are home and she’s going to have to face them eventually.

“If we stay in here,” Janis grabs one of her hoodies out of the closet and shakes it out. “It’s only going to be more insane.”

“I wish I could teleport back to Evanston,” Regina mumbles, watching the door with a massive pit in her stomach. Regina’s seen everyone in Janis’ family except for her mother.

Regina remembers Janis’ mother fondly. She used to work odd hours - unfortunately, the price of being a nurse in a busy hospital in Illinois - but whenever she was home, she was helping Regina and Janis with their homework, or making dinner for them, or just talking with them. It’s something that Regina wanted out of her own mother for a long time, but she never got it. Her mother talked at her, not with her, and cooking was always restricted, and the option of helping with homework was never on the table.

But Janis’ mother does it all, and with a grace that Regina’s sure she could never manage. After her grandmother, Regina’s always admired Janis’ mother.

Which makes it all the more terrifying to come into her home, now dating her daughter, whose heart she broke mercilessly, and plead for forgiveness while knowing she might do it again.

“Let’s go,” Janis opens the bedroom door, and Regina begrudgingly follows her into the living area.

Kai’s lounged on the couch, picking through college football games and chewing on a popsicle stick. Janis’ father is in the kitchen, working on dinner, with an open beer on the counter and a glass of wine next to that, and music playing from a small speaker on top of the microwave.

Janis’ mother is nowhere to be seen, probably getting out of her work clothes, but Janis moves on ahead with greeting her dad and tugging Regina along with her.

“Regina!” he opens his arms to hug her, earning a disgruntled what from Janis. “How was your flight, girls?”

“Our flights were fine,” Janis glares at her dad. “I’m your actual daughter.”

Her dad pulls her into a tight hug next, and makes a dramatic display of kissing her head. “I missed you too, Jay.”

“Dad, can we keep Regina?” Kai asks from the living room. “She’s nicer than Jay, anyway.”

“I’m going to sell you!” Janis calls out, and Regina can hear Kai cackling in the other room.

“You’re going to sell him?” Regina questions.

“Yes,” Janis nods firmly. “Now, would you like anything to drink?”

“Water’s good,” Regina says. She doesn’t know what to do with herself. She feels out of place in the kitchen, but she doesn’t want to be away from Janis, and she doesn’t want to make a bad impression on Janis’ parents, either.

“Oh, Jay, Ali’s coming over,” Janis’ dad points out, turning down the heat on the stove. “I tried to tell her that you were coming in tomorrow, but she said that she tracked you and that I had a terrible poker face.”

“She hasn’t opened my texts in two weeks but she can track me?” Janis asks, grabbing water bottles from the fridge and handing one off to Regina. “I told you about Ali, right?”

“Yes,” Regina nods, following Janis’ lead by sitting down at the island. “She doesn’t hate me?”

“Not anymore,” Janis squeezes her hand before turning back to her dad and talking to him about how he has to get better at lying. He says something about Janis sharing her location with Ali in the first place, but Regina tunes them out when she notices that Janis’ mother has come back into the room.

She looks relatively the same as she did the last time she saw her, though a bit grayer now. Her eyes are still just as sharp, and she’s still just around Janis’ height. And even in a pair of sweats and a zip-up hoodie, she holds the same intensity as she always has, especially with a phone pressed to her ear and a pissed-off look on her face.

There’s a second before she puts it down, and the phone in her pocket, and then she strolls into the kitchen with intent. Her eyes meet Regina’s, and Regina can feel the woman looking her up and down. She’s never felt so conscious in her life.

Is it okay to meet her girlfriend’s parents for the first time in a long time in leggings and a t-shirt that’s not hers? Is that slutty? Or some other terrible option? Do they know that this is Janis’ t-shirt? Anyone else would know that Regina doesn’t own vintage-designed Nintendo t-shirts, but do Janis’ parents know that?

“Mom,” Janis stands, and practically leaps across the room to hug her mother. Regina finds herself noticing again how much more relaxed Janis is, how at home she truly is here and how even though she’s comfortable in Evanston, there’s something here that makes her feel safe. She wonders if Janis knows that it’s a thing.

Regina shifts in her seat, unable to focus with Janis’ mother standing right there.

Her mother’s attention focuses on Regina next, “Regina.”

“Mrs. ‘Imi’ike,” Regina nods. “Good to see you.”

“Likewise,” her mother eyes her curiously. “Thank you again, to your grandmother, for setting this all up. And I’m sorry to hear about her diagnosis.”

“Thank you,” Regina tugs at her thumb, wishing she’d just put her ring on after her shower like she always does. She forgot. Stupid. “Thank you for having me.”

“Well,” Janis’ mother picks up the wine glass from the table. “When you hear your daughter is in a relationship with her ex-best friend, you kind of want to see it for yourself. And you’ve always been a respectful house guest.”

Regina just nods. She’s never felt more on the spot in her whole life.

Janis’ dad moves the conversation to asking his wife how work was, and before they know it, Ali’s coming in the front door with something that feels like vengeance.

“Jay!” she’s all smiles as she comes in, kicking off her shoes with reckless abandon and making Hera scurry to the top of her cat tree. Regina’s starting to understand why Hera might not like her.

She’s pretty, with highlighted hair and an infectious smile and an energy that lifts the room immediately.

Kai yells something about there being an intruder, but Ali fully ignores him as she greets everyone in the kitchen. When her eyes finally meet Regina’s, she looks more curious than anything.

“You’re Regina.”

“I am.”

Ali looks from Regina to Janis, and then back at Regina and finally lands on Janis. “She’s prettier than her pictures.”

“I tried to tell you.”

Regina’s not looking at Janis, but she can hear the proud smirk on her face clear as day.

“What kind of witchcraft did Baby Jay pull off to get you?” Ali asks, looking a bit dumbfounded. “I didn’t know our girl had game.”

“Oh my fucking god,” Janis brushes her off. “Calm down. Reg, don’t listen to her.”

“No, it’s… uh, flattering,” Regina nods, smiling a little. It is flattering, really. And far better than whatever stilted conversation she got from Janis’ mom. “Thank you.”

Ali goes on to ask her a million questions, from what Janis was like when they were kids to what school’s like in Illinois. There are more questions in every direction, and Regina enjoys how much Ali lets her feel involved, even if it’s a bit overwhelming.

By the time the night winds down, Janis and Regina end up on the back porch, sitting on an outdoor couch that scratches at her leg but not in a bad enough way to care. Ali and Kai are playing video games in the living room, and dinner has been long cleaned up.

“That could’ve gone worse,” Janis admits.

Regina shifts, still trying to find a comfortable position. They eventually settle in a spot where Regina’s laying against Janis’ shoulder, sitting up more than laying down, but her head still fits comfortably on her shoulder with Janis’ arm wrapped around her.

“Your mom is scary,” Regina responds, tracing meaningless designs on the back of her hand. “I think she hates me.”

“She has hated every single one of my girlfriends,” Janis responds. “The fact that she’s willing to have you here is already good. I had a girlfriend in my junior year who she wouldn’t even allow to sleep over once. Probably for the best, she was a bitch, but that was miserable.”

Regina sighs. “Yeah. And I know it was my fault, but… I wish things could just go back to the way they were.”

“You ever think about that?” Janis asks.

“About?”

“If I stayed,” Janis shrugs. “Or you didn’t out me. Or I stayed after you outed me. You think we would’ve figured things out eventually?”

Regina hums, “Maybe. Or someone would’ve died.”

“Died?”

“I don’t know,” Regina glances up at her. “Heart attack, maybe? Or… bus crash?”

“Bus crash,” Janis’ lip curls with a grin. “Okay. Which one of us?”

“Statistically speaking…” Regina can’t help but smile when she realizes how amused by the scenario Janis is. “Probably you.”

Janis snorts, “Bitch.”

“Oh, come on, you love me,” slides out of Regina’s mouth before she can stop it.

It feels like the air between them stops for a second. Regina doesn’t realize that she said the big L-word until the look in Janis’ eyes softens. Regina can feel her heart racing in her chest. She shouldn’t have said that. Oh no. Oh fuck.

“I do,” Janis says softly. “You’re right. I love you.”

Regina swears that her heart explodes in that moment.

“I love you, too,” Regina says, voice just as quiet. A million words sit on the tip of her tongue, but none of them make it aside from her whispering again, “I love you.”

The smile on Janis’ face is something that Regina plans on imprinting on her skull, and she quickly moves to sit up next to her. She takes Janis’ face in one of her hands, whispering “I love you” again, and then kissing her.

Janis pulls away just long enough to reciprocate, and then kisses her again. Regina swears that she sees stars.

(And sure, they’re interrupted 30 seconds later by Ali and Kai making fun of them in the window, but they don’t care. Regina’s in love. And she wouldn’t change a thing.)

Chapter Text

Days stretch into one another, and somehow they’re halfway through their vacation.

Janis has taken to going to the beach every day, and Regina’s joined her every single time. She has no interest in learning how to surf, but she loves watching Janis do it, and there’s something magical about being on the shores of Hawaii with her girlfriend.

However, on their fourth day, Regina feels like her excitement has finally dissipated and the jet lag is finally catching up to her and she has a hard time wanting to go to the beach.

They’re supposed to go with Kai today, since he has the day off of work, and then go out for dinner with the whole family, but Regina wants to lay in bed all day and watch movies or something.

It doesn’t help that Regina’s dad called last night and mentioned that her grandmother isn’t doing well. When she called her grandmother this morning, she sounded in good spirits, but Regina wouldn’t count on it. She knows that her grandmother is capable of putting on a front for her. That woman would never let Regina see her sick if she could help it.

She’s probably worse. Regina knows it. The end is near. Everyone’s known it for a long time. But leaving Hawaii would make that real. She doesn’t know what to do with all of that.

Janis is currently darting around the room, half-ready to go to the beach (in her swimsuit, but hair still free) and she keeps going back and forth looking for a flannel to throw over it. Regina doesn’t know where the flannel disappeared to, and she and Hera watch the display from Janis’ bed.

Janis’ bed is comfier than it should be. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s Janis’, maybe it’s the fact that it smells like her and breathes like her and Regina didn’t know that it was possible for a human spirit to exist in an inanimate object, but somehow it prevails. 

Hera’s also taken a liking to Regina, settling against her back every night and even going so far as to sleep against the back of her head last night. Regina’s pretty sure that she’s blood-bonded with this cat. She’s never had a pet before, but Hera has her considering it.

She’s currently firmly placed in Regina’s lap, purring against her stomach and watching Janis through lazy blinks. Regina doesn’t dare to move, and wonders offhandedly if the stolen hoodie is doing her any favors. Maybe Hera thinks that she’s Janis. Regina’s not taking the hoodie off to check, that’s for sure.

“You sure you don’t want to go to the beach?” Janis asks. “Can your skin not handle any more sun?”

Regina rolls her eyes. “I can handle sun fine, thank you. And I’m okay. I think if I moved right now, Hera would have my head.”

“Hmm, fair,” Janis leans over and scratches Hera’s head, and then picks her head up enough to kiss Regina. “I’m only going to be gone a couple of hours. And you can always walk down if you change your mind.”

“I know,” Regina kisses her gently. “We’ll be okay here. Got plenty of movies to suffice. And you need to spend time with Kai and not Kai and me.”

Janis steps back and parts her hair, tying half of it off with a hair tie. “You’re more fun than he is, though. He’s just a boy.”

“You’re home to see your family, babe,” Regina reminds her, adjusting ever-so-slightly so she’s leaning more against the pillows than sitting up. “You have to spend time with them.”

“I want to spend time with them and you,” Janis responds, quickly braiding her hair with little-to-no effort. It’s like some kind of superpower, watching how quickly her fingers move to align her hair properly. She doesn’t even need a mirror. It’s like muscle memory. “You do know my mom’s home all day, right? You’re going to be alone with her. In the house. For hours.”

“If she wanted to kill me, she would’ve done it already,” Regina says with a small shrug. Things between herself and Janis’ mother haven’t gone poorly, really. She’s not as warm as she used to be, which was expected, but she’s cordial and has checked in on Janis and Regina before work and after work each day.

She even popped in this morning when she got home from work. Janis slept through it, but Regina was awake already (thanks, jet lag). Lani only asked if they were okay, and as soon as Regina affirmed that they were, she was gone as quickly as she came.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Janis finishes the braid that she’s working on and does the other side of her head. “You should find a movie for us to watch tonight.”

“You hate my movie suggestions,” Regina retorts.

Janis furrows her eyebrows in a way where Regina can’t tell if she’s being dramatic or if she’s serious. “I do not.”

“You said that The Polar Express looked like it was designed by terrorists.”

“The soundtrack is fire,” Janis says quickly. “Just, like, so long as you don’t put on Coraline or some crazy shit, I’ll be good. Promise.”

Regina hums, trying to think of something good for them to watch when they get home tonight, but drawing a blank. She’ll come up with something, she’s sure.

Before she knows it, the flannel search continues (only for it to be crumpled in Janis’ desk chair this entire time, just out of Regina’s view. She puts it on over the bathing suit, and slides her phone in the breast pocket. 

“I feel weird leaving you here,” Janis admits, walking around to Regina’s side of the bed. “I could totally stay.”

“Go,” Regina insists, tugging her closer by the collar of the flannel. She kisses her quickly. “Be safe. I love you.”

She can feel Janis smile against her lips, “Love you, too. I’ll come back in one piece, promise.”

“Good.”

And with that, Janis disappears from the room, leaving only the quiet show playing on the TV and Hera’s warmth pressed up against her stomach. Sure, she wishes Janis were here, too, but this is as close to heaven as Regina can get right now.

-

Regina finds herself dozing over the next hour, nodding off and snapping awake a couple of times over, but she’s awake when Janis’ mother pokes her head in again.

“Janis isn’t here?”

“No, uh,” Regina tries not to act as weird as she’s feeling right now, but she adjusts her posture fully to sit up and face Janis’ mother. “They went surfing.”

“Ah. Figures,” Lani hums. “How are you doing?”

Regina stares for a second, a bit off-put by the question. “I’m okay. You?”

Lani does a meager shrug that reminds Regina of Janis to a tee. “Oh, you know. Tired. These fucking hospitals work you to the bone. And my daughter has brought home her girlfriend, who happens to be you, and you’re the same person that broke her heart when you were in middle school.”

Regina nods. So. They’re talking about it. She can do that. She’s got her shit together enough for this, right?

“I can see that you’ve changed,” Lani adds. “And I see how happy you make her. So I’ll keep my reservations to myself about all of that. How is your grandmother doing?”

The whiplash is almost enough to give Regina a headache, but she keeps up. “My dad says she’s not doing great.”

“I really am sorry,” Lani offers, coming into the room and sitting on the side of the bed. Hera takes the moment to stretch off of Regina’s lap and nuzzle against Janis’ mother, meowing loudly. “This one acting like she hasn’t been fed yet. You are fine.” She looks back at Regina, “Is school going okay? Janis tells me that it’s more rigorous than she thought it’d be.”

“It could be worse,” Regina replies. “Janis is lucky, she has a focus. She’s always been about art.”

“She said that you were majoring in Criminal Justice,” Lani points out.

Regina feels her neck heat up. Janis was talking about her. With her mother. And her mother retained that information. And it might not be true anymore, but she still held on to it.

“Um,” Regina shakes her head, timid. “I’m probably going to switch my major. I… I kind of feel like I know less of what I want now than I did a year ago.”

Lani smiles sympathetically, and all Regina can feel is relieved because she can’t remember the last time Lani smiled at her like that. It’s been years. She forgot how good it feels.

“College is like that,” she reaches over and squeezes Regina’s knee gently over the blanket. “Did Janis ever tell you that I was going to be a doctor?”

“No,” Regina shifts on the bed. “Why didn’t you?”

“Too much school,” Lani shakes her head. “And too little patient interaction. A lot more paperwork. I felt like I could do more as a nurse. And if I ever wanted to go down the… diagnosable route, I could decide to be a nurse practitioner down the line. Similar scope of practice and less school. I never did that, obviously, and things have worked out very well in the career that I have chosen, but, my point is; you’ll figure something out. That’s what college is.”

“I just wish I was like Janis,” Regina responds softly.

“Some people are just like that,” Lani says. “God knows how that works, but it’s like you said; she’s always been about art.”

Regina nods.

“Your freshman year of college doesn’t dictate anything,” Lani assures her. “All it’s for is putting everyone into a blender and seeing what pops out. You meet all different kinds of people, you take classes that you don’t want to take but the school insists on, you’re on your own for the first time… I mean, you’ve seen it. You’re mixing kids that have raised themselves with ones that don’t know how to put a sheet on a bed.”

“Yeah,” Regina agrees softly. “It all feels like one lesson.”

“Yes,” Lani nods. “It’s like a crash course.”

“It really is,” Regina runs a hand through her hair, watching as Hera stops licking her leg and instead weaves around Lani’s back and under her arm. “Jay told me that you thought we’d be friends again.”

“I did,” Lani hums, eyes trailing around the room before finally landing on Regina again. “You two have always had something… different. You clicked. I used to think it was some elevated version of twin language… you know, how twins can develop their own language when they’re young? That kind of thing. But, until everything in middle school, when you started distancing yourself, you two operated on the same wavelength.”

Lani shrugs, “When Betsy told me that this girl named Regina was Cady’s roommate, I just… I knew it was you and I knew that everything was reopening. I don’t think I expected you two to start dating, but I can’t say I’m surprised, either.”

Regina cocks her head to the side.

“You two have always looked at each other like the other one hung the stars in the sky. That’s hard to find.”

Regina swallows. She knows it is. Janis is one of those once-in-a-lifetime kind of person. And she’s about to blow that all up for NYU.

Janis could hate her. They could have no third chance. Regina doesn’t now if she’d even deserve a third chance if she messed this all up again. And here she sits, across from Janis’ mother, the one person that she thought would be the hardest to get any type of approval from, getting some kind of encrypted approval.

It feels like Janis’ mother trusts her. She doesn’t want to break someone else’s trust.

But, she applied to NYU. And NYU is all she’s ever dreamed of.

She looks at Janis’ mother again. She has the same eyes as Janis. She’s just as protective as Janis is and just as raw. She’s the mother that Regina always wished to have but never could.

“It just doesn’t make any sense to me…” Lani meets Regina’s eyes.

Regina furrows her eyebrows. What doesn’t make sense to her? Why Janis would choose her? Because Regina doesn’t have answers to that one, either.

“When I spoke to your father the night before you arrived, he mentioned that you applied for a transfer to NYU,” Lani’s voice is level, measured. She’s looking at Regina like she could decode her without moving a muscle. “And it seems that my daughter has no idea, unless I’m completely missing something.”

Regina swears her heart stops in her chest. Janis’ mother knows. She knows. Maybe she was right to fear for her life. And she needs to never tell her father anything ever again.

“Lani…”

“You need to tell her.”

“I know,” Regina can barely hear her own voice. “I will. Just… I haven’t even gotten in. I could get rejected.”

“You two are in a relationship, Regina,” Lani retorts. “What you do and don’t tell the other person can affect them. And this is a big one. You could be moving in five months and she has no idea.”

“I know,” Regina repeats. “I know. Joan already told me all of this.”

“You should listen to her.”

“I do,” Regina pulls at her fingers. “I will say something. I promise. I’m not just going to up and leave her, I wouldn’t do that.”

Lani stares at her for a long minute, as if she’s trying to see through Regina’s BS.

“I will tell her,” Regina tries to assure her with a firm nod. “I will.”

She will.

She just doesn’t know when.