Archive of Our Own ^beta

Being home felt amazing. Okay, not amazing amazing, but still great. Scratch that, everything was perfect. Until it wasn't. See, Al loved having his body back, he truly did. He wouldn't trade it for anything and he was most certainly infinitely thankful to Brother for his sacrifice, so not feeling perfectly happy all the time felt like he was… ungrateful, maybe? He struggled to put it into words, but when he and Roy talked back in hospital, he was (gently) forced to accept the fact that having a body again wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. 

It was one of the first days of his three-week hospital stay post Promised Day and one of the rare moments of solitude. Ed was glued to him with superglue and refused to leave unless it was something extremely important. And nothing was more important than Al in his eyes, so kicking him out was nearly impossible. Not that Al wanted to kick his brother out, of course! But Ed was constantly worried and hovering, so Al wanted his brother to get some rest. 

So it became his personal mission to force Ed to go somewhere, to visit the Colonel, the Lieutenant, to get some food for himself and so on. His success rate was pretty high, given how many aces he had in his sleeve. Apparently, much to his appreciation, Al hadn't lost his puppy eyes skill, so that was one of his favourite means of kicking Ed out. Besides, he was happy to make those puppy eyes, just because he could! He could finally make different expressions, silly or serious, smile and cry. Some part of him couldn't believe it, it still felt kinda surreal. 

Now though, he could enjoy the silence and solitude without too much effort on his part. Ed had a medical check-up that was supposed to take a few hours, so Al was left to himself. Which he appreciated, because now even silence felt different. In the armour, the nights spent alone were quiet, empty. Now he could actually hear so much in the quiet. The birds outside were so loud he didn't have (or rather wasn't allowed) to open the window to enjoy their chirping. The people in the hallway were not very loud, but he could still hear them talking, walking, laughing, yelling (who made Brother mad…?)

Out of all senses, he never expected to be so mesmerised by sound, which he hadn't lost. Still, it felt so much more lively, more voluminous, simply more…

So engrossed in his thoughts about sound, he almost missed the soft knock on the door. Huh, that was unexpected. Hawkey wasn't allowed to leave her room yet, Havoc, Breda and Fuery promised to come in the evening, Brother was forbidden from running away from the doctors (puppy eyes and pinky promise were a dangerous combination), the Curtises had to depart for a few days to take care of the shop, and the Colonel was, well, blind. Curiously, he inquired:

“Yes?” Gosh, even his voice felt different! Rustier and weaker than he would have liked, but he had come to love the vibrations his vocal chords produced, not the hollow echo of the armour. 

“Hello, Alphonse!” Well, that was unexpected. Al started to worry, wasn't it dangerous for the Colonel to venture alone? Sure, Father and the homunculi were deafened, along with Bradley's supporters, and yet that did not mean that no foes could've slipped through the cracks who could now be trying to take revenge on the Colonel, who was much more vulnerable in his current state. And Al wouldn't even be able to help him in case of danger. Besides, did doctors even allow him out?

“Colonel, sir! What are you doing here? Are you allowed to leave your hospital room?”

“Relax, kid, Breda, khm, chaperoned me here. I'm not that useless. I can at least open the door on my own!” As if to prove the point, the Colonel also closed the door behind himself and propped himself against the doorframe.

Al winced. The Colonel must've hated being treated differently. Al understood.

“Of course, sir, I'm sorry…”

“Don’t be, kid. After all, I wanted to s-... visit you after hearing Fullmetal yap about you non-stop.”

Al giggled.

“That's Brother for you! Just… uhh, maybe don't call him Fullmetal when he can hear it?”

The Colonel smiled in response, albeit bitterly.

“You two… always worrying about each other… Ed will get his own talk. Can you focus on yourself for a change?”

“Uhhh…” Now Al was at a loss. He was pretty focused on his recovery, wasn't he?

“Can I sit?”

Oops. Al grimaced. That was kinda rude of him. “Oh, sure! I'm sorry, I can't help you…”

“I got it, Alphonse… I've been given directions on how to find the chair.” He shuffled closer to Al’s bed, right where the chair was. He seemed to be faring quite well, given the circumstances. The Colonel must've practiced in his room or something as it wasn't long before he had found the chair and sat down. “Anyway, I'm not here to talk chairs. I would love to see you in flesh, but that will have to wait. How have you really been, Alphonse?”

“What do you mean? Uhhh…” Al paused for a moment. He doubted the Colonel would want to hear him rant about birds or something, so the general stuff would do? “I'm just great! I finally have my body back, it's everything we've wanted… I mean, I wish Brother didn't have to give up so much for me, but he told me that for every time I say, I quote, “something this stupid”, he will kick my butt after I'm fully recovered, so I guess he doesn't mind…”

Al stopped catching a small frown on the Colonel's face. Wait, did he get more expressive or did Al's eyesight get better in his body? He had to observe people more! Oh, he got sidetracked once again, oops. That was unfair to the Colonel, he had no way to see that Al had his head in the clouds.

“... hundred percent sure he doesn't. He did say that to me as well. But that's not what I mean. I'm asking how you feel. Didn't I tell you to focus on yourself?”

Okay, maybe he did want to hear about the birds… or the bed sheets fabric… or… How does one even put that into words? 

“I… uhh… I'm not sure... I mean, I'm happy, I truly am, but... I don't know how to explain it… The sounds are so different now, but I can't get outside to enjoy them…” Al could feel he was spiraling, he couldn't (didn't want to?) stop. “I want to run, but my body cannot even walk on its own... I have an entire list of dishes I was planning to try right after getting my body back, but I'm stuck with this bland hospital food... But I still love it! That's so frustrating!”

Al sniffled and realised with horror that he was crying. Apparently, he did that a lot recently. Having a body was everything he had dreamt of, and yet he just couldn't... get used to it.

In between sobs, he noted the Colonel’s pinched expression, but before he could apologise, the man did something quite unexpected. He reached out in Al’s general direction and hesitantly grasped his elbow. Al even found himself less stressed than a second ago, intrigued by the Colonel's actions. He pulled slightly, and next thing Al found himself in a hug. What on Earth? Did the Colonel really just hug him? Wasn't that like, super out of character? 

Still, that felt… kinda nice. He did like all of the hugs he could get.

So, a bit unsure whether it was acceptable or not, he timidly returned the hug.

“It's okay to cry, it's okay to get frustrated, it's okay to struggle… Don’t push yourself. You're not alone, you have people to lean on, who will support you whether it's helping you get on your feet again or finding you a radio to listen to.”

Actually, the radio sounded like a great idea. He could make Brother leave by turning on the most obnoxious channel ever (out of the two available, but eh, figures). Besides, he could really enjoy some music.

Al smiled, content.

Al smiled at the fond memory. Yeah, that was a bit embarrassing, but very much needed at that moment. Per the Colonel's advice, he did focus on himself a lot after that. He tried to be patient about the recovery process, did not forget to eat or drink (that one time did not count), accepted Brother's help quite often and even managed to get Ed stop hovering. Most of the time.

The hardest part, surprisingly, was sheer boredom. See, Al had his physical therapy that he was absolutely not going to rush, that Alkahestry book that May had sent him first thing after arriving home, some fiction books he had started reading to shorten the nights, his alchemical research he was too shy to work on around Brother (despite Ed's rather vocal arguments that Al was being stupid) and yet…

He was so, so bored. Ed was allowed to help around the house with a lot of tasks that were possible to do single-handedly (unlike Al, Ed was forced not to rush his own physical therapy), but he blatantly refused to let Al help. Sure, Al understood why, even agreed not to do anything taxing before he had a clean bill of health (to get it as soon as possible), and yet… He was bored.

Al groaned. You know, out of boredom, nothing else, still, Ed appeared as if out of nowhere. Al could swear Brother was on the second floor, trying to fix something with one hand (not very successfully, judging by his loud yelps), and Al wasn't even that loud (he was good with controlling his volume now!). Yet here he was, on the first floor, as if conjured.

“Al, are you okay? Does something hurt?”

“I'm fine, Brother! Relax!” He wasn't even lying, unlike a certain someone might have. He was perfectly fine. Just bored.

Ed wasn't convinced. Al sighed. “I'm just…” he trailed off, unsure how to word it best. After all they had been through, being bored seemed silly and kinda petty. 

“Just what?” Ed sounded anxious and Al felt lowkey bad for making him fret, but he did say he was alright… Brother did worry too much.

“I'm just bored…”

Ed gawked. Well, that was new! 

Al felt self-conscious for some reason. Again, it did sound kinda childish…

“Forget it… It's stupid anyway…”

“No, Al!” Typical Ed, ready to defend him even from himself. He looked contemplative for a moment just to animatedly exclaim, “I have an idea! Let's play a game!”

Huh. That was not what Al had been expecting. But Ed… Ed looked excited at his suggestion. Huh, maybe a game or two wouldn't hurt…

“That doesn't sound half bad! Which game were you thinking of?”

Ed hadn't thought of it too much, or so it seemed, as he got this “the genius is envisaging world domination” look on his face.

“Maybe hide-and-seek? But I'll count to 100!”

Well, that was offensive!

“Hey! I can still hide in twenty, like when we were kids!”

Ed had the nerve to look not ashamed, but mischievous. 

“But in 100 you can hide better!” 

His smile was a little unhinged. Al loved this. He could hide oh so well. He felt his grin spread. Just you wait, Brother, I'll show you better.

“That sounds fun!”

***

Al was the first to hide. He knew that Brother counted too slowly, but couldn't find it in himself to really care. He was so excited!

On his way to his perfect hideout, he passed Winry, who looked startled at his mischievous smile. He just pressed his finger to his lip (his finger to his lips!), and Winry nodded, still surprised but unwilling to break whatever fun he was up to. Huh, maybe they should have invited her as well?

Yet, Al was on a mission, he couldn't get too distracted. He had a plan, Ed would never even look for him there, and Al knew he could make it. They agreed to limit their game 15 meters from the house and avoid the workshop (they wanted to survive the game, after all), and Al promised to himself not to use any alchemy. To be fair.

Trying to step as quietly as possible, he reached the front door. That was the first challenge: open it without making the hinges squeak. Ed promised to fix it in a week (more like bargained when Granny's didn't take his “I'm well enough to do it now” seriously), but for now Al had to be extra cautious. 

The door supported his endeavours and he was out without as much as a squeak. Now all he needed was time and a bit of resourcefulness. He was confident that he'd have enough of the former, because even if he couldn't make it within 100, Ed would still start inside the house, giving him some extra time. The latter could prove to be trickier, as he did not want to strain his muscles, doing everything not to hinder his recovery. The trick was, however, not in exercising his muscles, but in knowing the branches.

Even as a child, Al was undefeatable when it came to hide-and-seek, a true champion. The recipe to success was not some cheating alchemy, no. There was one special tree next to the Rockbells’ house that was his ultimate hideout. Its branches started really low, making it easy to climb, but the crown was really lush, hiding him from the onlookers. 

Never once had he been found! Well, if you don't count Granny. She didn’t even look for him, just went out to hang laundry one day, looked up, frowned at him and shook her finger. Still, she never told either Ed or Winry about his hiding spot, so he was quite sure it was still a secret.

The climb was harder than he remembered, but Al tried not to get bitter about it. He was having fun, he wasn't letting anything ruin it.

Inhaling the fresh smell of leaves, Al smiled. He made it. Now he could just relax and wait for Brother to find him.

When he was a kid, he could easily get bored or even fall asleep. Now that he had to guess, his lack of patience was another reason why no one had found him: when he felt like he had been waiting too long, he just found a moment when no one was in the vicinity and jumped down. Now, though, he was enjoying just sitting idly and swaying his legs with the wind. It was a perfect spot not just for keeping out of sight, but also for simply relaxing, just… existing. He could hear the birds chirping above his head, no doubt angry that he was disrupting their habitat. He could hear Den barking in the distance, hunting or just fooling around, the clunking of the tools in the workshop, Ed's “where are you”s... He could see every leaf, its veins and their intricate patterns. He could squint at the sun, feel its warmth on his cheeks. He could smell the nature, the freshness of the greenery, the woodsy smell of the bark. 

He felt alive.

No more than three minutes later he heard from below the tree:

“Al, you goon, get down! How did you even…”

“Brother! How did you manage to find me so quickly? It was my perfect hiding spot!”

“I saw your legs sticking out from the leaves when I was checking the rooms upstairs! Now get down, just be careful! Oh, Al…”

Climbing down turned out to be much tougher than getting up, and Al almost slipped just to be caught by Brother's left arm. “You fool…” his supportive embrace quickly turned into a full-fledged hug. “I found you!”

And then Ed started crying.

For a brief moment, Al was startled, but then he just understood.

“Oh… that you did. You did find me, Brother,” he said softly, sinking to the ground and dragging Ed with him.

They cried together. Because they finally could. 

Omake:

When Winry found them, hugging on the ground and crying, even Al couldn't escape The Wrench. Because of course Winry did not approve of anything that deserved “you will get sick, you idiots!”.