Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When he got the invitation Azriel felt sick to his stomach.

A mating ceremony.

But it wasn’t just any mating ceremony…

No this had to be a mating ceremony for the girl that he had basically fallen in love with as soon as he’d set eyes on her.

You’re invited to Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra’s mating ceremony.

The words made him sick.

There was apparently a whole plan… He was supposed to stay in the Day Court for a whole two weeks celebrating before the ceremony, spending time with his friends and family.

They wanted him to celebrate their mating bond?

Him?

Azriel had the selfish thought that he wished he could go back in time where an idea like that would be laughable, where there was too much danger and chaos in the world to even consider an idea like this, but then guilt hit him for even humouring that his horrific thought. No, he didn’t want to go back to the time where there was constant panic and fear in everyone’s lives, Koschei a constant weight hanging on everyone’s shoulders, distrust, betrayal, and death, constantly in the air.

Koshchei was no more, Beron was also dead, all threats disappeared from their lives. Azriel struggled to believe that there wasn’t an impending doom waiting to show its face at every turn, he never got over the feeling of waiting for something bad to happen. Safety was uncomfortable to him. All of the courts were now under control and in good hands, a sense of safety and peace in Prythian that Azriel had never once seen before.

So staying in the Day Court for two whole entire weeks was perfectly reasonable, which meant he had no excuse not to go.

He racked his brain for any excuses he could fake, but they were all not good enough. He would have to go. He’d have to watch the woman he loved be mated to another, he’d have to pretend he didn’t feel his heart being ripped from his chest as he did so. He’d have to accept the pitying looks from his friends, have to pretend he didn’t see them.  

The sick feeling didn’t go away.

Wouldn’t.

The day that the invitation said he’d have to go to the Day Court for the two weeks was very soon. He didn’t know if his invitation was sent late, or if they really had not given their guests much time for preparation.

It was probably late.

Maybe they hadn’t wanted to invite him, maybe someone had made them, maybe it was a pity invite, maybe it was a joke, and he was the brunt of it. Or maybe this had nothing to do with him and he was just being selfish… He closed his eyes, trying to calm his racing mind.

This was going to be fine. He was good at pretending, he always has been, always will be. Azriel will not let anyone see through to the cracks inside of him.

Why didn’t he get a mate? What was wrong with him?

He knew the answer, he was just unworthy of one.

Azriel put the invitation down, leaving it on a table as he went to his bedroom and began to get ready for dinner at the river house. What would his family say? Would the pitying looks start tonight? At least he didn’t have to deal with seeing Elain and Lucien now, he could pretend that the mating ceremony didn’t exist, until that unfortunate impending start date of what he knows will be a horrific two weeks.

It was too soon.

Well, pretending definitely did not work as he entered the river house, greeting his friends.

He could tell that they had all just gotten their invitations also, as they were buzzing with the news, so at least he hadn’t been purposefully given his late. He guessed that was a good sign, he was being treated as everyone else was.

“Have you heard about the ceremony?” Feyre instantly asked him.

He made sure to keep his expression blank, besides plastering a small fake smile to his face. “Of course.” He answered.

Feyre bit her lip, the pity that he hated having to see was in her eyes as she looked at him.

“Are you… will everything be alright?” She asked hesitantly.

Azriel tried his best not to grimace or show his annoyance.

“Feyre, it has been years now. I will be fine, I don’t have those feeling anymore.” He answered her, keeping his voice calm and soft.

Azriel could tell Feyre saw right through him, she knew his feelings had not gone anywhere. That was who Azriel was, he would pine after females who would never love him back and then would hold onto that for years as proof that he was unlovable, until he found a new female he could never have. It was a continuing self-deprecating cycle.

He didn’t know why he did it to himself, he had no idea why he always went for women that he knew were unavailable and unattainable in some type of way. It had started with Mor, then Elain, he’d even pined after Gwyn for a short amount of time.

Feyre just smiled sadly at him, that pity never leaving her eyes as she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards their dining room.

His Night Court family was there, everyone besides Elain, who he guessed never belonged in the Night Court anyway. They had a constant joke with Elain about her looking awful in black because of it.

As soon as they entered the room Mor jumped up pulling him into a hug, he could smell alcohol on her and he wasn’t surprised to find that she was already tipsy. Nyx smiled happily as he entered giving him a bright smile, and he gave the kid one back. Nyx was one of the only ones who ever got to see Azriel’s rare smiles.  

“Uncle Azzy.” Nyx said happily in greeting.

Before Azriel had the chance to speak with him, he was grabbed by the hand and tugged away by Nesta.

“I love you Az but please tell me you won’t make this mating ceremony awkward with your obsession?” Nesta whispered seriously to him.

Nesta was never one to beat around the bush, cutting right to the chase, never one to baby and walk around the truth. Azriel usually really appreciated this trait in her, but currently he despised her for it. He sighed exasperatedly.

“I’m not obsessed with her anymore, and you have nothing to worry about.” He spoke harshly, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

That was all Nesta needed to hear, instantly letting up and not pushing him any further. He was thankful for it, and a small amount of guilt washed over him for lying to her, but Nesta had gone straight back to the table, taking her seat besides Cassian.

As Azriel went towards his own seat he felt everyone’s eyes on him, he could feel the pity washing over him like waves, everyone drowning him in it. He tried not to snap as he felt his agitation building, his skin felt too tight.

That was one thing that Nesta never did, there were no pity in her eyes for him as they all sat there. Nesta had became one of his closest friends, at times it felt like she understood him more than Cassian and Rhys ever understood him, and she’d admitted to him that she felt like he got her more than her sisters or Cassian ever had.

“Well I’m looking forward to a holiday.” Rhysand said with a sigh of relief.

Feyre looked to him with sparkling eyes, a bright smile on her face. “I can’t wait.”

“Why can’t I come?” Nyx whinged.

Azriel blinked at that, he had no idea the young boy wasn’t coming.

“You will be at the ceremony on the day Nyx, but the two weeks before won’t be fun for you baby, there will be no other kids there to play with, you’d be very bored the entire time.” Feyre answered him softly.

Well, that did make sense.

“You will have so much fun with Alis and her boys.” Feyre added.

Alis and Feyre had reunited ever since there’d been peace and safety in Prythian, the woman was like a doting grandmother towards Nyx, and he wasn’t surprised when Nyx instantly stopped pouting, excitement growing on his face. Nyx didn’t stay with the female often, but when he did, he’d get so spoilt that when he’d come home, he’d always beg to go back to stay with her again.

Nyx turned away from his mother to begin talking animatedly to Nesta and Cassian, describing stories from his previous stays with Alis that he had already explained a million times. Azriel smiled to himself as he watched Nesta and Cassian act overly dramatic and interested in the story they’d already heard, gasping and laughing at the perfect times to make the child happy.

Amren gave him an analysing look, just like Nesta, there was no pity in her eyes either, but from her it was probably more due to a lack of care and interest, whereas Nesta’s lack of pity was because she understood that he hated pity. His brothers knew that he hated pity also, but that never stopped them from sending him those looks.

“You don’t have the best luck with women do you.” It wasn’t a question. Amren tapped at the table with her fingers detachedly as she asked and waited for an answer.

It was not a polite thing to say, and Varian sighed besides her, he was used to her harsh antics, never bothering to try and stop her. Azriel didn’t bother replying, just shot her a quick glare and turned away from her, as he did, he locked eyes with Rhysand, who had clearly overheard Amren’s words. Azriel wanted to rage at the pity in his brothers eyes, wanted to scream at him, wanted to punch that look off of his face.

Stop fucking pitying me.

He wanted to scream it at everyone here, at every pair of eyes filled with pity for him.

But food suddenly appeared on the table, everyone quickly digging in, the chaos quieting. Azriel wondered if Rhys had chosen to reveal the food at that specific time just to avoid the tension in the room… most likely.

There was some chatter as they ate and finished their dinners, mainly talk of the upcoming two weeks in the Day Court and the mating ceremony, Azriel tuned their conversation out, focusing on his food.

Nyx finished his food fairly quickly, shoving it down like someone was about to steal it from him, it reminded Azriel of how quickly animals would eat their food, scoffing it down. Nyx quickly turned to Feyre and asked to leave the table to go and play with his toys, Feyre gave him a quick nod and affectionately ruffled her sons hair before he disappeared.

“Azriel there won’t be any issues with you and Eris will there?” Cassian asked him at one point.

Azriel stiffened, the Autumn Court high lord was well known to get on Azriel’s nerves, their bickering, that often turned into physical altercations, led them to often being separated from one another at events, everyone working to keep the two away from one another. It was hard to avoid the male when Lucien had annoyingly become friends with his family, thanks to Elain. Azriel hated Lucien, but he was self-aware enough to know that it was only jealousy, the male had been consistently kind to him and was actually bearable… His brother on the other hand, was the most unbearable person Azriel had ever had the displeasure to have to exist near.

Eris had been forgiven entirely by everyone around him, the male having severe trauma and good reasonings for his past behaviours and actions. He was like Rhysand, completely different situations and scenarios, but they had both had to wear masks to survive. Eris had suffered his entire life, but even the pity and understanding he felt for the male wasn’t enough to stop his overwhelming hate that he felt every time Eris opened his mouth or got too close. Eris enjoyed arguing with Azriel, pushing his buttons, watching him snap. Azriel didn’t understand why.

He hated that Eris was always able to make him fall for it, even though Azriel knew his plans.

“As long as he leaves me alone, I’m sure everything will be fine.” Azriel grumbled.

“And if he doesn’t?” Feyre pushed.

“Of course he won’t, he can’t help himself.” Mor muttered with clear amusement.

This was not going to end well.

“If he doesn’t, then I will try not to kill him or make any permanent damage.” Azriel shrugged, completely serious.

Feyre sighed, looking exasperated. Rhysand stared at his mate for a long moment before turning to Azriel.

“You really need to keep it together Azriel. The two weeks and the ceremony will be very important for Elain and Lucien, you don’t want to do something to ruin it for them.”  Rhysand said, a slight threat in his voice.

It was clear that either Elain or Feyre had said something to him about it, probably both.

Yet, Elain apparently still wanted him there…

Maybe?

“And if I did?” Azriel hadn’t meant to let the words slip out of him.

No!

It was her mating ceremony, there was no chance. None.

She wanted Lucien! She loved Lucien!

There was something dark in Rhysand’s gaze, and Azriel could feel Rhysand’s power flowing, threatening him. Azriel hated when Rhys felt the need to threaten his power or pull rank, but he got the memo.  He swallowed, embarrassment overwhelming him.

“I didn’t mean that. Of course I don’t want to ruin it, I am just frustrated with the assumptions.” Azriel said, trying his best not to sound too furious.

“They aren’t assumptions boy, we all know that you’re still in love with and obsessing over Elain, and that you and Eris cannot get along.” Amren said dryly.

Azriel was done. He raised abruptly from his chair, chucking his cutlery down onto his plate with a loud clang and turning on his heel to stalk out of the room. His fists and wings were tucked tightly in his anger. As soon as he left the house he was in the air, he flew straight to the house of wind, shutting himself into his room.

He tried not to fall into his rage, but he couldn’t stop himself from breaking everything in his room, everything in his sight, the complete overwhelming and suffocating anger needing to be released.

The aftermath wasn’t pretty, and he sat there staring at his mess, feeling great disgust in himself.

Shame.

He should have gone to train instead.

Cleaning and fixing his things after basically chucking a tantrum was humiliating, even if it was only himself there to witness it. He’d seen Nyx throw a fit exactly like this, breaking everything in his own room. The reminder made the shame grow even stronger, he’d acted like a child. As he cleaned, the house actually replaced most of his broken things, making them perfectly unbroken and clean in a mere second.

He froze.

So there had been someone to witness his break down, the house. He gritted his teeth in embarrassment before saying sorry to the house, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was supposed to apologise to a house, he wasn’t truly sure how it worked, but Nesta spoke to it, so he just did what he assumed she would have done.

After some time in his room calming down, Azriel went to go and train, still needing to rid of some bad feelings and energy. He trained in the dark of the night until his hands were bruised, and his body ached.

Entering the house again, he quickly realised Cassian and Nesta were home. Their scents filling the house. As he entered the kitchen they froze, they were drinking what Azriel assumed was hot chocolates and leaning on the counter, sipping and chatting away.

Had they been talking about him? Was that why they froze?

“Az, are you okay?” Cassian asked him tentatively.

Azriel sighed, trying not to let the annoyance flood back into him, if Cassian said anything about Elain and Lucien right now, he would not hold back from punching his brother in the face.


“We don’t need to talk about it.” Nesta said, clearly understanding that Azriel was in no mood to do so. “I’m sorry you were bombarded by everyone tonight, including me.”

She walked towards Azriel, her hand reached out towards him before another cup of hot chocolate appeared in it and she passed it over to him.

“It’s fine.” Azriel shrugged, “I was expecting it anyway.”

They were quiet after that, Azriel leaned on the counter with them and drank his hot chocolate, appreciating the comfortable silence.

Azriel decided he would refuse to think of the two weeks and ceremony until it was right in front of him punching him in the face.

He was not sure if he was going to survive them.

✩✩✩✩✩

Eris was happy for his brother, he really was. He just wasn’t looking forward to those two weeks.

You’re invited to Elain Archeron and Lucien Vanserra’s mating ceremony.

It was not the mating ceremony he was worried about, those usually only lasted a short time, a day at most…

Two weeks of celebrating.

He knew that he should be thinking of it as a break, as a holiday, as time to spend with his family and friends.

But it was also two weeks of trying not to lose it over the jealousy that Lucien didn’t have to have Beron as a father, two weeks of watching Helion being a loving and doting father to Lucien, two weeks of seeing how happy his mother was now that she was out of the Autumn Court and with Helion and Lucien.

None of them were bad reasons and Eris felt selfish for his own stupid feelings. He shouldn’t be jealous, he shouldn’t feel sick whenever Helion was loving towards Lucien. Eris was happy for Lucien, and he knew his brother deserved nothing but the best, but every kind touch and reassuring word from Helion, just reminded Eris of whips, knives, fire, hands that only reached towards him to inflict pain, and the words that still filled his head and nightmares to this day, he didn’t know kind touches and reassuring words. He longed for it, craved it. Watching Helion and Lucien felt like being tortured, like he’d wake up and he’d find himself in the dungeons that his father had locked him in to torture him.

Eris also knew he was horrible for missing his mother, horrible for wishing that she had stayed with him, but she was the only comfort he had ever known, and it being ripped away from him had left a massive hole in his chest. It stung seeing how happy his mother was without him, while he was miserably missing her. Eris was scared that every time his mother looked at him, she was seeing Beron’s blood pumping through his veins, because Eris noticed it, he noticed the way his mother sometimes couldn’t bear to look at him. He knew that she loved Lucien more than him, and he knew that it was because Lucien wasn’t poisoned with any of Beron’s blood.

It was so hard to cope every time he visited Day, and he only ever went there for hourly visits, he never stayed overnight, never lingered, he always had an excuse not to. Now he was forced to face them for two weeks, he couldn’t get out of this, he would feel too guilty if he ditched it, this was his baby brothers mating ceremony. Even if he tried to avoid it, he knew Lucien would appear, drag him there by his hair, and tie him to a chair if he had to.

There was so much that he was dreading, and that wasn’t even close to all of it.

It would also be two weeks in close proximity to the shadowsinger.

Eris would surely lose his mind, he’d end up accidentally (purposely) getting the male to kill him.

For centuries Azriel had hated his guts, Eris had liked it that way, that way had meant that there was no possibility of Eris getting close to the male, there was no chance of his unrequited feelings ever being known. But then things in Prythian had worked out and everything was suddenly like a happy ending in a novel. The inner circle and his brother had finally understood everything and forgiven him, he even became close with some of them and began to rekindle his relationship with his brother. Azriel paid him no mind, but there was no animosity either.

It was when Azriel had purposefully came and sat by him at one of the stupid Velaris events, that for some reason they had begun to invite Eris to, that Eris had freaked out. Azriel had chosen to sit next to him, had even tried to have small talk with him, asking him questions, trying to get to know him, even as his eyes had stayed hooked on Elain, the person he loved, and Eris’s brothers mate, and Eris had just known that he had to push the male away before he became too close, before they became friends where Eris secretly pined after him, before he hurt Eris.

It was okay that his feelings were unrequited, as long as the male hated him and treated him like dirt beneath his shoe, because if Eris knew that Azriel was capable of being friendly with him, or even liking him, it would break him.

And Eris was already broken, he’d broken more times than he could count, but he couldn’t handle more and more breaks. He needed them to stop. He’d do anything for them to just stop. So, Eris had reverted to the one coping mechanism that had served him very well in his life, or cursed him, he wasn’t sure…

Push them away before they hurt you.

It had been Eris’s motto in the back of his mind since a child, since all he knew was cruelty, he’d avoided hurt as often as he could.

He began light, teasing and mocking the shadowsinger. The problem was, the whole of Prythian now knew that Eris’s past behaviour was a mask, to protect himself and those around him, so Eris needed to be really smart with it, he didn’t want them recognising his mask, he didn’t want anyone not believing him. So he did play it smart, he had to make it look like just a normal dislike for the male, he needed to give the male reason to hate him.

It’d been easy, tease him about his feelings for Elain, it was cruel, he knew it, but he knew it’d be all it took to make the male hate him. He knew exactly the type of things he’d have to say to end up being strangled or punched by the male, on occasion he said them just to uphold that feeling of hate the shadowsinger had for him, to make sure the male never forgot his hate for Eris.

Eris had to, he had to. He couldn’t risk Azriel finding out about his stupid feelings and attraction to him. He couldn’t risk any more hurt.

It was all he knew his entire life, he was tired.

So damn tired.

Azriel would never be able to like him back, for starters he only liked females, and secondly (not that he needed a secondly,) Azriel was so in love with Elain it was blinding.

Sometimes Eris wished he could steal Elain’s beautiful face and wear it for the shadowsinger. Eris often found himself trying to get to know as much as he could about the female, storing away information his brother or the inner circle had mentioned about her, so he could maybe copy some of the things and be deemed worthy to Azriel, but that was his stupid mind being delusional and crazy.

Eris didn’t even know nor understand why he was so obsessed with Azriel, why the shadowsinger haunted (blessed) his dreams every night, why his eyes were always drawn to the male, why his scent drove Eris crazy.

TWO WEEKS.

Two weeks of having to smell the scent of the shadowsinger every time he passed, two weeks of trying not to stare at the male, two weeks of having to find new things to make Azriel angry with him, two weeks of trying not to bend himself over and offer himself to the male.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He wouldn’t survive this.

Chapter Text

Eris stared at his packed belongings, unease spreading through him.

The dreaded day had come. It was time to go to the Day Court…

This is going to be an absolute disaster.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen. How was he going to survive these two weeks? Why did Lucien and Elain need two weeks with their loved ones before their mating ceremony? It wasn’t some kind of tradition, so why did they want that? Eris knew his thoughts were selfish, it is what they wanted to do, he had to respect their wishes. Even if doing so might end up killing him in the process. He had been wistfully hoping that they’d choose to cancel the entire thing… Not the actual mating ceremony, but the two weeks. A day long ceremony he could do, but the two weeks before it? No, he wouldn’t survive it.

A high lord that couldn’t survive two weeks of spending time with his family and friends...

What a pathetic joke he was.

Eris was lucky that he had those that he trusted to look after his people and court whilst he was away, but truthfully, they wouldn’t even need to do much anyway, Prythian was peaceful now.

And Eris? No, Eris was not peaceful. His court sure was, his people seemed to be… but him? Eris knew that peace would never be in the cards for him, not when his mind continued to have the ability to work. To think.

Eris did not get blessed with any cancellations or uninvites, he had to start facing reality as he realised that he was going to be late if he continued to put this off any longer.

Eris knew torture, he had been tortured his entire life, yet here he was being scared of two weeks of celebrating... What was wrong with him? He shook his body, trying to expel the nerves that were rattling inside of him, before straightening and sliding on a mask that was nothing like his old one, but still protected him just the same.

Eris winnowed to the Day Court, directly to the palace, where his mother, brother, Helion, and Elain resided.

Lucien and Elain were waiting for him as he arrived, his brother looking glad to see him, relief filling Lucien’s gaze. Where was everyone else?

“Eris you’re here!” Elain greeted him kindly, wrapping a quick arm around him.

Elain was glowing, Eris would have believed that she was the sun, if the real sun wasn’t burning on the back of his neck. He was so grateful that things had worked out for his brother, Lucien and Elain balanced each other so perfectly, and loved one another so loudly, Eris hoped that one day he could have that.

He doubted it.

Ugly jealousy and bitterness filled him, because Eris could see exactly why Azriel loved the female before him, and he knew that he would never glow that brightly, he could never be what Azriel wanted. He could never be like Elain.

The sun didn’t shine for Eris, it only ever burnt him.

He hated himself for the feelings he had towards Elain, because he really did like her, and they did get along, it was just an aching that he felt deep down, that he hoped he hid from her well. Hopefully it would go away. Eris had to see the female as his brother’s mate, and a friend, instead of seeing her as what he wished he could be.

Eris raised an eyebrow. “Did you really think I would miss this?”

Yeah, he would if he could.

“I thought you’d unsuccessfully try to.” Elain replied with a smirk.

They both knew that Lucien would not have let him miss this.

“I’m here.” Eris said with a dramatic sigh.

“Well Eris, thank the mother, I’m so glad that I didn’t have to winnow to Autumn and forcibly bring you here.” Lucien drawled with amusement.

“Lucky you.” Eris replied as he looked around. “Where is everyone?”

Lucien shrugged. “You’re the first here.”

Eris frowned. “What? Shouldn’t everyone be here by now?”

“We gave you an earlier time than them.” Lucien clarified.

Before Eris got the chance to reply, or even overthink Lucien’s words, Elain was speaking. “You’re family Eris. Your mother, Lucien, Helion, and I, would all like to catch up with you before the others arrive”

“What about your sisters? They’re your family too, and you didn’t make them come earlier.” Eris complained.

“Barely here for five minutes and you’re already whinging.” Lucien tutted.

“We are all family, but we wanted to spend some time alone with you before everyone arrives. We told you to come just before lunch, so that we could have lunch together. Everyone else will be here just after lunch, I’ll show you all to your rooms and leave everyone to get settled before dinner.” Elain explained.

“Okay.” Eris said, knowing the plans for the rest of the day should ease his nerves, but instead they just grew higher.

There was a distinct moment of silence before Lucien spoke up hesitantly. “Eris, we don’t want you ruining these two weeks, or the ceremony.”

Eris felt his insides squeeze painfully.

You’re a failure! You will always ruin everything you touch Eris, you are a disappointment. You will never be good enough. Everyone knows it. His fathers words were echoed in his head as he stood there quietly, trying not to let the hurt he felt at his brothers words seep out of him. 

He ruined everything! His existence would always be a burden.

“I just mean don’t constantly harass and argue with Azriel.” Lucien added, his voice softer, maybe he’d seen right through Eris... “We really do not want this to turn into a drama filled and stressful time.”

“I won’t let it come to that.” Eris said sincerely.

Lucien raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you just promise to leave him alone and be nicer to the male?”

“I can’t promise that Lu, especially if he’s going to be near me so often.” Eris said apologetically.

No, he could not be nice to the male, or let the male be nice to him.

Lucien took a deep breath, clearly frustrated. “What is your issue with him Eris? You are perfectly fine with everyone else! You even get along with Cassian, whom you always hated most before everything was all worked out. You didn’t even have a problem with him before we had peace, in fact, you used to seem to respect him the most… What happened to change that?”

Eris sighed, “It’s nothing! I just don’t like him!”

Lucien shook his head at Eris, clearly disappointed and annoyed, he opened his mouth to speak but Elain grabbed his brother’s arm, and Lucien instantly calmed.  

She looked to Eris and spoke softly. “Let’s just go and have our lunch. Please think about what Lucien said, we would truly appreciate it if you tried your best.”

Eris just nodded guiltily.

When they entered the palace dining room, his mother and Helion were already sat at the table. As Eris walked towards them, his mother stood and hesitantly hugged him. There was a time where she’d never hesitate.

She doesn’t care for you as much anymore, she is no longer your comfort. As soon as she got the chance, she fled. Fled from you.

The thoughts spun through his mind.

“Eris, how are you?” Helion asked as he stalked towards them, Eris and his mother were still in a hug.

Helion reached out his arms towards Eris, and Eris abruptly jumped back, freezing.

It took Eris way too long to realise, that Helion had just been about to join in on the hug that Eris had been having with his mother, and not about to hurt him. Eris was still getting used to the fact that when people reached out to him with their bare hands, it wasn’t to burn his skin.

He truly had gotten better with it, just sometimes when something was quite sudden, and he wasn’t ready, or expecting it, he didn’t have the time to think, and his body would just react.

As soon as it happened, Helion quickly moved away, lowering his hands, showing himself as not a threat, and Eris felt like he was about to throw up with the embarrassment and shame crawling around inside him. Obviously Helion wasn’t about to hurt him, he knew that Helion was nothing like Beron.

No one said a word.

When Eris’s eyes went to his mother, he saw that she had a disappointed look on her face, and she suddenly avoided his eye.

I’m sorry I can’t forget my trauma mother, trust me I try, if I was able to, would you be able to look at me then? Would you love me more?

Do you love me at all anymore?

“Lunch is served, come take a seat.” Helion announced happily into the silence as he walked back towards his seat, and there was no awkwardness in his voice or expression. Helion was quick to brush things off, he seemed to understand Eris’s trauma better than his own mother, because he never held anything against Eris, this was not the first time he’d accidentally flinched away from Helion, and Eris knew that it hurt his mother’s feelings. Maybe she thought that he thought Helion was like Beron?

His mother turned away, walking after Helion to take her seat beside him. Eris was still frozen, the humiliation overwhelming him. He hated it, he hated that sometimes he flinched away, but he had thought he’d gotten a lot better with it, the disappointment on his mothers face took that thought away.

Lucien stepped towards him, moving his hand slowly, making sure that Eris had seen what he was doing, before grabbing onto his arm and gently pulling him towards the table. Eris hated it, he didn’t need to be babied, he didn’t usually need someone to move slowly and make it clear their intentions, but after being triggered, it really did help him.

As Lucien pulled Eris down next to him, Eris was shocked when Elain took the empty seat next to him on his other side, instead of sitting next to Lucien. He looked over to Lucien, worried it’d upset his brother, but he seemed perfectly content. Helion and his mother sat directly across from them, and it was too easy to see that his mother still couldn’t look at him.

“Let’s dig in.” Helion said as they settled.

They filled their plates and began to eat, their light chatter filling the room. It was mostly Helion and Elain asking Eris questions, Lucien just listening intently to Eris, clearly very interested in his brother’s replies. Eris was glad for the distraction, he felt like if he ate too much, he might be sick, because his mother was still avoiding his gaze. She hadn’t said a word to him.

Did she hate him for not being able to forget his trauma? Or did she hate him for reminding her of her own trauma? Either way, that was all his mother saw him as. The past. She wanted to forget about Beron, forget about her trauma, and Eris had been there for all of it, Eris had some of Beron’s blood, so she wanted to forget him too.

The knowledge ate him alive.

He wished he was dumber, wished he never thought about it, never knew about it. Wished he could pretend that his mother still loved him and wanted him around.

But she didn’t.

He wondered if Lucien and Elain knew about this, surely Helion knew, he could tell by the way the high lord kept a comforting hand on his mother and would shoot her worried glances, before looking to Eris and then quickly looking away. Lucien was the one who wanted Eris to be a part of his life, not his mother.

He felt the urge to do something stupid rise in him, his hands heating, Eris just pushed it down. He didn’t have a good enough place to hide here, he wasn’t told what room he’d be staying in yet, when he did, he’d at least have the privacy to do it if he needed to. No one would find out.

Eris didn’t let it show as he suffocated on his feelings, he was too good at hiding his pain. That was his normal. Even though his mask was no longer one of cruelty and arrogance, it was now replaced by one of nonchalance and contentment. No one ever saw the pain he was in, no one knew his reality. The only problem was that there were cracks in his mask, and those around him would sometimes accidentally get a quick peek. Lucien had probably seen too many of those cracks, and that was why he seemed to know how to best respond in the situations when Eris did crack.

He acted like he was at complete and utter comfort as they finished lunch, but Eris barely ate any of it. They moved to a different, homier room, where they sat on the comfy lounges and continued chatting away, time passing. At a certain point Elain and Lucien left the room without warning, leaving him there alone, Helion acting as a buffer between him and his mother.

She wouldn’t say a word to him.

Do you remember when we never went a day without talking to one another? He wanted to ask her. Remember when you could look at me?

Eris knew he was like poison, he poisoned everything and everyone around him, he was a weight that no one wanted. He wanted to hide away and hurt himself.

Punish himself.

“Everyone else should be arriving at any moment.” Helion announced.

Eris only heard one thing… Azriel would be here soon.

✩✩✩✩✩

“This is a terrible idea, Elain.”

She rolled her eyes, “Come on Lu, it will work.”

“You used to share a room with your sisters, and you said to me that all the three of you ever did was bicker.” Lucien reminded her.

“Eris and Azriel are not siblings, nor are they starving to death.” Elain said grumpily.

Lucien grimaced. “I know, I’m sorry… I just mean that not everyone can be locked in a room and sort out their differences, many would just fight to the death.”

Elain gave an exasperated sigh, like Lucien was the one being unreasonable by not swiftly agreeing with her plan. “Eris and Azriel could get along! Eris used to respect Az, and Azriel at one point had been willing to try with Eris. Don’t you remember how Azriel had tried to get to know Eris, and then Eris had just suddenly snapped? They just went back to hating each other after that, but I think if they had some time, they’d work out whatever it was that set them both off.”

“So you truly wish to force them to share a room?” Lucien groaned, cringing at the thought.

Elain nodded enthusiastically, clearly proud of the insane idea she had. “We need them to sort it out.” She paused before continuing, “it also helps that we need everyone to partner off for rooms anyway, we aren’t kicking out any of the workers and residents just so our guests can take their rooms… it works well, most of our friends are coupled, I’m sure that even Emerie and Gwyn would be happy to share. That leaves Eris, Azriel, and Mor. We will give Mor her own room, surely the female would not want to be roomed with either of them. Azriel used to be in love with her, and her and Eris have history, even if it’s been sorted out.”

Elain was right about the room situations, but this was still the worst idea that Lucien had ever heard. He knew that both his brother and Azriel would not bode well with this, he had to at least try to stop this, mainly for his own brother’s wellbeing, Eris truly hated Azriel for some extreme and unknown reason.

“They are more likely to kill each other in the same room than ever work anything out.” Lucien disputed softly.

 “I disagree.” Elain replied sharply. She didn’t say any more than that, a finality to her words. This was happening. There was nothing Lucien could say or do to change her mind, when his mate made up her mind, she rarely ever changed it.

Well, at least he tried.

✩✩✩✩✩

Azriel was late.

Maybe if he just waited a little bit longer, his friends would leave without him, and he wouldn’t have to worry about this entire ordeal. His friends had agreed to meet at the river house and go all together, winnowing themselves, and any that couldn’t winnow, at the same time. He truly hoped that when he showed up, they would not be there. Azriel was certain that two weeks of torture was what he was actually heading to.

Two weeks of celebrating? What a fucking joke.

Leave without me, let me stay here. He repeated it in his head like a prayer, hoping that something or someone would hear him and save him from this terrible fate. Azriel had less trepidation and discomfort when walking into a war.

War was what Azriel would call safe, compared to this.

As soon as Azriel walked through the river house doors the pitying looks burnt deeply into his skin. Once again, only Nesta and Amren, refrained from showering him with any pity, and because of that, Azriel went to stand closer to them.

Next to Nesta, stood both Emerie and Gwyn, Azriel hadn’t been aware that they were coming. Of course, not one, not two, but three of the women that he’d, at one stage, thought would be the loves of his life, were all going to be stuck in the same place with him for two weeks. Yeah, the cauldron definitely couldn’t bear to stop tormenting him, it probably enjoyed playing with him too much. He wondered if during the two weeks, Mor, Elain, and Gwyn, may start up a club… maybe they’d call it, pathetic, pining, and unlovable male, falls in love with females that are way too good for him. Azriel was on good terms with all three females, but he knew that they all pitied him, he knew that they all thought that he was desperate, simpering, and embarrassing.

“I was scared you weren’t going to show up Az.” Feyre muttered as he came to a stop.

“I’m sure he considered it.” Mor said with a snort.

His family were quite talented at knowing how to say the wrong thing. He fought off a glare, as he stood there patiently… Or at least, he knew that he looked patient, in reality, his insides were clawing and scratching him apart, like an animal that had been locked inside a too small cage.

“Let’s head off.” Rhys interrupted firmly before anyone could say anything else.

Azriel’s heart sunk guiltily as he realised that they must have already sent Nyx off to Alis’s, Azriel suddenly hated himself for purposefully being late, he had failed to realise that it would also mean that he wouldn’t get to say goodbye to Nyx. He hoped that the sweet child wasn’t upset about it, but he suddenly realised that it was probably why Feyre and Rhysand both seemed slightly annoyed with him. He’d sensed their irritation with him, even as they hadn’t made it obvious, not only had Azriel been late, but he’d also let down Nyx, shame clung to him at the thought.

His friends began winnowing away, grabbing the hands of those who couldn’t winnow as they went. Azriel was the last to leave, he hesitated, his eyes going desperately to the river house door. He should make a run for it, he really should... but unfortunately for him, he just wouldn’t do that to his family.

He shadowed himself to Day, easily finding the exact same spot that his friends had all winnowed to, all of them making their way to Helion’s palace. As soon as they entered, they found the perfectly happy mates waiting for their arrival, an acidic taste entered Azriel’s mouth at the sight of them. Elain went straight to her sisters, pulling them into a group hug, and greeting everyone else with a bright and cheerful smile, excitement radiated off of her. Lucien gave everyone polite nods, or handshakes, only greeting Feyre with his own hug. 

Elain looked beautiful. She had flowers in her hair, a big smile on her face, those gorgeous brown eyes gleaming, her dress was a beautiful rose pink colour, and it was perfectly flowy and fitted. Azriel struggled to keep his eyes from raking over her body.

After some polite chat and small talk, Elain and Lucien lead them to a large and comfy looking room, where Helion, his mate (the former Lady of Autumn), and Eris, were all lazing on the lounges that filled the room. At their entry, the three of them looked up, Helion’s smile was quick to grown, the male jumping up to greet everyone, his wife following hesitantly behind him, Helion held out a hand and as soon as his wife grabbed it, the tension in her shoulders seemed to lesson.

“Some of you haven’t properly met my mate, this is Aubriella.” Helion said, pulling her forward.

Feyre and Nesta smiled in recognition, the two having seen her plenty when they visit their sister, but the rest of them hadn’t really met the female properly since she’d been the lady of Autumn, they didn’t yet know her without Beron.

Helion started easy chatter, Aubriella easily joining in with her mate, and Azriel looked over to Eris, who still hadn’t gotten up from the couch, something flickered in the male’s expression as he watched his mother give Nesta and Feyre loving hugs. Azriel frowned, maybe Eris was still not used to Beron being dead, maybe he was watching her protectively... Any pity that he could feel for the high lord of Autumn disappeared as soon as the male suddenly looked towards him.

As their eyes locked Azriel felt like the room got hotter, his agitation heightening, and his body stiffening. Oh how he wished he could go over and knock the males teeth out as he watched Eris’s expression turn smug, clearly enjoying the affect that he knew he had on Azriel, Eris knew he was able to get under Azriel’s skin, he knew how easily he could make Azriel fill with rage just by simply looking at him.

It’d turned into an instinctual reaction by now. Eris always targeted him, if Azriel even accidentally stumbled too close, or neared him at all, the high lord would instantly attack him with his words. Azriel didn’t even understand why, but Eris knew his insecurities, knew the things that hurt him, and the male used them to his advantage, constantly triggering Azriel. The only way to avoid Eris’s cruelty was to stay away from him, if Azriel left him alone, and didn’t stray too close to him, then the high lord would leave him alone, but majority of the time, it was nearly impossible to avoid him. Unfortunately for Azriel, Eris was invited to most events.

“Eris come over here so I can explain rooming situations.” Elain called over, and Eris finally looked away from Azriel as he stood up and began to walk towards everyone gathered.

Eris stopped to stand beside Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie, all three of them greeting him fondly. Azriel frowned, he didn’t understand how Eris had the three girls gushing over him. Azriel found the friendship that Eris had formed with the Valkyries uncanny, he was even part of their little book club. Azriel had no idea what the females saw in him, no idea why they would become so close with a male like Eris.

Eris was friendly with everyone, even Cassian, whom Eris used to claim to hate the most. Azriel was the only one that Eris provoked.

“Everyone will be sharing, two to a room, I hope that is okay with you all, most of you are couples anyway.” Elain spoke.

Rhysand nodded politely, “Of course Elain, that is fine.”

Azriel didn’t think that was fine at all, seeing as he was one of the unlucky ones to not have a partner.

“Okay, so obviously each couple will share a room…” Elain paused pointing to Emerie and Gwyn, “I assume you two wouldn’t mind staying together, would you?” She asked.

Gwyn grinned excitedly. “No, we wouldn’t mind, that’s perfectly fine thank you.”

Emerie nodded along to Gwyn, and Elain smiled at the two appreciatively,

“Too easy,” Elain laughed before continuing. “Unfortunately we have an uneven number… there is eleven of you… Mor, I assume you’d prefer to stay alone?”

“Yes please.” Mor said thankfully.

“No worries.” Elain said with a smile, and then bit her lip, looking suddenly unsure. “Looks like you two will have to stay together.” She nodded towards Azriel… and then Eris.

The world stopped.

Azriel’s mouth fell open, this had to be a joke.

Eris had gone completely still, like he was in shock.

There was a very sharp silence, everyone in the room also seemed to have frozen, there was no doubt that they all knew how badly Eris and Azriel sharing a room would be.

“No way.” Azriel said quickly, he couldn’t hide the disgust and discomfort he felt.

“Look I wouldn’t do this, but we don’t have enough rooms, and I won’t kick out any of our workers and residents, this is their home too.” Elain said sympathetically.

“Oh come on, this place is massive! There has to be another empty room somewhere.” Eris pushed, his voice sounding desperate.

“I promise you, we have checked everywhere and done everything that we can.” Elain said with a helpless shrug. “It’s not like we expect you to share a bed! The room we will put you in, will have two separate beds in there, and the room isn’t small, you’ll have plenty of space.”

Azriel wanted to grab truth teller and slam it into his skull. If there were two separate beds and the room was big enough, then why couldn’t he share it with Mor? They were friends.

“Why can’t me and Mor share the room?” As soon as the words left Azriel’s mouth, he was given wide eyed looks.

Right… because he used to be in love with her, and everyone thought that he couldn’t handle his love and obsessions.

Azriel cringed.

“Az, it’s not that I don’t want…”

Before Mor could finish speaking, Azriel quickly cut her off. “It’s fine.”

Everyone was unnervingly quiet, they clearly all felt as awkward as he did about that Mor moment, and just like him, they very obviously dreaded Azriel having to share a room with Eris. Rhysand still gave him a hard stare, and Azriel instantly knew what it meant, before Rhys even spoke the words into his mind.

Don’t be selfish and ruin this for Elain and Lucien. Don’t cause them stress, don’t fight with Eris.

Anger bubbled in Azriel at Rhys’s words, but his brother was right, and he didn’t want to ruin anything, or stress anyone out.

“Well I will show you all to your rooms now, you can get settled, and then we can have dinner together.” Elain finally continued.

Each room Elain led them to, the couples happily went into their rooms to unpack their things and get comfortable. Even Emerie and Gwyn were gushing with excitement about getting to have a two week long sleepover.

It was awkward when they were all shown to their rooms, and it was just Eris and Azriel entering one alone. The silence was deafening, the discomfort was palpable. But at least Eris hated this as much as he did, he could at least be happy to know that the other male was suffering too.

Eris walked to a bed and put his bag down. “This is my side,” he pointed to the side he was standing on, “that is your side!” He finished, pointing to the side Azriel was stood.

Azriel wasn’t even going to pretend to entertain Eris’s childish behaviour.

“Don’t be stupid, the bathroom is on your side, which means I will have to go to your side to be able to go when I need to.” Azriel chided. “Can we just be mature about this please, I don’t want to fight with you the entire time.”

Eris frowned, his surprise by Azriel’s words was clear. “This is so fucking bullshit!” He hissed.

“Why don’t you cry about it while you’re at it.” Azriel said dryly.

“Maybe I will, it’s only fair, because I will be having to listen to you cry yourself to sleep every night because Elain doesn’t want you.” Eris countered.

Azriel tried to ignore, even as his heart beat painfully in his chest, as if each word Eris spoke had widened the gaping hole stuck in it.

“Why don’t you…” Eris begun but paused as Azriel was suddenly in front of him, his hand covering Eris’s mouth, the male didn’t even get enough time to be surprised, fuck it, Azriel was not going to put up with this, his fingers pressed into Eris’s cheeks as he gripped the male’s face hard enough to cause the high lord to gasp in shock. Eris’s eyes were wide, clearly not having expected Azriel to come at him, but there was a strange glint in the males eyes that Azriel couldn’t quite understand, before he had much time to think about it, Eris’s eyes narrowed into a glare.  

Azriel glared right back, “I don’t want to hear it! Can you be fucking mature and agree to some kind of stupid truce so that we don’t ruin your own brother’s mating ceremony?” He snarled.

Eris didn’t move an inch, didn’t say a word, just glared at Azriel like his life depended on it. Azriel rolled his eyes and let out a frustrated groan.

“Can’t you just…” Azriel didn’t get to finish his sentence…

Because Eris had just licked his hand.

Azriel scoffed, quickly letting go and pushing the male away in disgust. He looked down as he wiped his wet hand on his pants, cringing at the fact that he had Eris’s spit on him, that he had felt Eris’s tongue on his hand. When Azriel looked up, about to scream in the face of the male, Eris wasn’t there. The bathroom door slammed, and Azriel resisted the urge to follow the male in and punch him in the face.

Eris is a high lord, a high lord in charge of a land, he had his own people, a whole court to take care of, and that same male had just licked Azriel’s hand like a dog.

Wasn’t it illyrian’s that Eris used to call dogs? Look at the male now. Azriel wanted to use the insult, wanted to throw the words at the male, desperate to see him flinch. Eris was always pushing Azriel until breaking point, but Azriel had never been able to push the high lord back, had never had the satisfaction of making the male reach his own breaking point, it made Azriel furious.

He longed to make the male break… but he had to be on his best behaviour.

Azriel let out a frustrated sigh, trying to calm himself, before he headed towards his bed. He didn’t want to unpack his clothes into the drawers, hoping another room would soon free up, but he had nothing else to do whilst waiting for dinner, so he chucked his clothes messily into the empty drawers by his bed.

When Eris came out of the bathroom, he didn’t even acknowledge Azriel, and Azriel had to physically bite his lip to stop himself from telling the male that he was a pathetic excuse for a high lord, or from making fun of Eris for licking his hand. The reminder of that had Azriel jumping up and entering the bathroom himself, washing and scrubbing at his hands intently.

As he left the bathroom, passing by Eris, the high lord snickered at him. Azriel paid him no mind, and when Eris didn’t get a reaction, he spoke instead. “Really? Washing your hands for that long, like I have some type of poisonous spit.” He said with a snicker. “Don’t worry, I think you’ll live, but not if you touch me like that again!” There was a threat in his words, but Azriel didn’t care even in the slightest, Eris would never win in a fight against him, there was no way. Azriel had nothing to be afraid of.

Why was Eris so obsessed with making him snap? Why was it always the males life mission to constantly mess with him? Was Eris really that bored? That pathetic?

“Everything about you is poisonous Eris.” Azriel replied simply.

Azriel wasn’t looking at the male, so he didn’t see the way Eris’s face fell, or how he quickly wiped his expression blank, going quiet.

But Azriel did have shadows… and they let him know.

Azriel stored that information away. Something about the words that he’d just said, had hurt Eris. It was about time Azriel started learning what hurt Eris, what words would push Eris over the edge? What would make him snap?

✩✩✩✩✩

Elain knocked onto Azriel and Eris’s door before entering their shared room.

Azriel was lounging on his bed, juggling truth-teller in one of his hands, his other holding some kind of war strategy book. Even now, even when there was peace in Prythian, Azriel wouldn’t let his guard down.

She sighed and looked over to Eris, who was kneeling on the floor, folding and placing his clothes into the empty drawers by his bed. It was funny to see the contrast between the two males, Azriel wasn’t messy, but she could still tell that his clothes had just been chucked into the drawers, where as Eris was folding each item individually before placing it neatly in the drawers.

Well, they weren’t fighting… and they definitely weren’t dead. That’s a good start!

“It’s time for dinner, I’ve told everyone to head to the dining room now.” Elain explained.

“Thank you for letting us know Elain.” Azriel answered her.

Eris snorted.

Elain shot Eris a “shut the fuck up” look, but she was quickly aware that it wouldn’t work on Eris when Azriel was around.

“Good boy shadowsinger, just a little bit politer and she’ll reject the mating bond to my brother and run off into the sunset with you.” Eris drawled sarcastically.

Azriel’s face flushed instantly.

Elain cringed, feeling awkward and uncomfortable. She had been very clear to Az that she only saw him as a friend. It hurt her heart that he still had feelings for her, because Azriel deserved someone that could love him back, someone that would choose him, but that wouldn’t be her, it would never be her. Her heart only beat for Lucien.

Azriel was up, stalking towards Eris with clenched fists, but Elain had been expecting it. She was in front of Azriel in only seconds, her hand raised to stop him, and he instantly halted, listening to her. She hadn’t even needed to say a word.

“Go to the dining room Az, please.” Elain whispered to him calmly.

Azriel only hesitated for a second before nodding at her and leaving the room.

Elain turned towards Eris, crossing her arms and leveling him with a glare. Satisfaction run through her when Eris’s expression very quickly filled with guilt and shame.

“Stop tormenting him!”

Eris rubbed a hand over his face. “I told you and Lucien, I said I couldn’t promise to leave the male alone, especially if he was going to be near me often, and you have put me in the same room as him.”

Elain frowned, there was a hint of panic in Eris’s voice that even his anger couldn’t cover.

“It was the only option!” Elain lied.

Eris shook his head. “I find that hard to believe, there has to be something! Elain, please…”

Please? Was Eris really begging her?

“Enough!” Elain cut him off firmly. “Eris this is the only option. This is supposed to be a good two weeks, please just sort it out, or leave each other alone, but you’re going to have to learn how to exist in the same space!”

Eris didn’t answer her, he wouldn’t meet her eyes. Elain suddenly had a feeling that she was missing something big. For the first time, she wondered, was this the best plan?

“What happened? Why do you hate him so much?” She asked, her voice going soft, gentle.

Something must have happened, something must have hurt him. Eris was a kind soul, he was nothing like who he’d spent his entire life pretending to be.

Elain didn’t get an answer, because Eris was jumping up and walking towards the door.

“Come on, let’s not miss dinner.” He called to her as he passed.

Elain sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “Cauldron save me.” She whispered exasperatedly.

Honestly, Elain still believed that her plan would work, it takes time, and they had a whole two weeks. Elain hoped that in that time, something would change, and they’d figure out their differences, she did not expect them to be best friends, just to be able to tolerate, and be civil towards one another.

She took a deep breath and then followed Eris out, heading to the dining room.

✩✩✩✩✩

Eris entered the dining room not long after Azriel did, and Elain arrived shortly after him.

The table was almost full. The room looking so opposite to how it did at lunch now that it was full and lively, a million conversations happening at once. Eris hadn’t even noticed earlier that there were chairs in here specifically designed for those with wings, the illyrian’s were obviously using them.

He sat himself next to Emerie, who smiled at him. It warmed his heart that she seemed genuinely happy to see him and seemed glad that he had chosen to sit next to her.

“How are you liking this months book?” Emerie asked him.

Eris was in a book club with Emerie, Nesta, and Gwyn. He loved it, he loved all three of the females, they had accepted him with open arms and practically forced him into their book club as soon as they had found out that he enjoyed reading. Eris loved the dynamic that he had with each of them, the friendships he had formed with them individually, and all together. They even came to visit him in Autumn sometimes, Eris had never had that before, had never known friendship like that.

The Valkyries had taught him the meaning of friendship.

“It’s a bit sad, isn’t it?” Eris asked hesitantly.

“Thank you! I won’t lie I snooped to see the ending because I thought, if I’m having to suffer through all this sadness, I better get a happy ending!” Emerie chuckled.

Eris waited but she didn’t continue. “Hello? And is it a happy ending?”

Emerie grimaced, “I won’t spoil it for you.”

Eris snorted. “Oh shut up, please tell me.”

Emerie smirked and instantly leaned forward to tell him, Eris and Emerie were always getting told off from both Gwyn and Nesta because they always spoilt books for each other. It was quite funny how much the two of them loved spoilers, whereas Nesta and Gwyn hated them.

“It’s not a happy ending at all, they ALL die at the end.” Emerie whispered.

Eris’s mouth fell open. “You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s it! We can’t let Nesta choose a book ever again.”

Emerie laughed at that. “Well, I guess she didn’t know.”

“I bet she did, she loves making us suffer.” Eris teased.

“Suffer?” Nesta turned towards them, leaning over Gwyn who was on Emerie’s other side.

“Damn, you summoned her.” Emerie whispered to him.

“Whom must I make suffer now?” Nesta said with a sly grin.

“Do you want my list?” Eris asked.

“We were actually wondering why you enjoy making us suffer…” Emerie cut in, raising her eyebrows at Nesta.

Gwyn gasped, leaning into the conversation also. “If you’re talking about this months book then I agree with you! The only thing keeping me holding on is the hope of a happy ending.”

Eris and Emerie burst into laughter at that.

Gwyn gasped, clearly getting the memo. “Please tell me that they don’t all die at the end.”

That made them both laugh even more, and Nesta looked like she was about to join in too.

“Look I didn’t know okay, I went in blind just like you guys.” Nesta held up her hands in mock surrender.

Gwyn smirked, shaking her head. “That’s that then, I’m quitting, I won’t finish it.”

Nesta feigned offense to that. “Not fair, I had to suffer through the entire thing.”

“Well you did choose it, it’s only fair.” Eris winked.

Nesta rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. “You know what Eris? I don’t want your list now.”

Eris gasped in feigned offense and panic, holding a hand to his heart. “Cauldron no, Nesta please, please take my list.”

Nesta laughed at him.

“I have next choice of book. As soon as this holiday ends, I am bringing you my choice, and expect it to be filled with fluff, smut, and banter.” Gwyn announced.

Emerie hummed. “Perfect trio, I can’t wait.”

Emerie started bombarding Gwyn with guesses of the book she was going to choose, Nesta listening in and guessing every so often too, but Eris decided to take a quick glance at his mother, only to find that she was already looking at him. When their eyes met, she quickly looked away, refusing to look back to him.

Eris felt his heart sink.

Still? She still couldn’t look at him. Was she going to ignore him for the entire two weeks?

If his own mother couldn’t love him, why would anyone else?

Eris turned back to his friends. “I’m going to go to bed.”

They must have seen something in his expression, Eris didn’t know how, he thought he was doing a good job at keeping his expression blank, but he watched as their smiles fell, their foreheads creasing with concern.

“Eris are you okay?” Gwyn quietly asked him.

“I’m fine.” He said quickly, putting on a fake smile.

None of them seemed convinced. Eris missed the way people never used to doubt the mask he chose to wear, but now he’d gotten a new mask, yet this one was being doubted... where were the cracks? How were they seeing through?

Nesta shook her head, leaning over Gwyn again to get closer to him, “Eris…”

He didn’t let her finish. “Goodnight girls, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Eris walked away, he didn’t bid anyone else goodnight, just headed for his room. He imagined his mother being concerned for him and following him to make sure that he was okay, but that was wishful thinking.

More like impossible thinking! His mind screamed.

As he got to the door of the room, he heard footsteps coming from behind him and he paused, hope filled him. Had his mother truly came?

“Eris.”

Any hope within him quickly dwindled.

“What’s up Lucien?” Eris said, plastering a fake smile to his face.

“Are you okay?” Lucien asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Eris challenged, because he needed to get to the bottom of what was giving him away.

Lucien shrugged. “Because it’s still quite early, you didn’t eat, and you just seemed off as you left.”

Eris frowned, processing his words.

He couldn’t explain it to Lucien, he couldn’t tell him that he couldn’t eat because their mother couldn’t even look at him. He couldn’t say that he felt like he was suffocating because he knew their mother couldn’t look at him because he was poisoned with Beron’s blood, even Azriel knew that, he couldn’t say that he felt like he could feel Beron’s blood boiling him alive.

“Eris?”

His brother stepped closer, reaching out a hand to him, and it took effort for Eris to not flinch away, to not cringe at the offered comfort, because being comforted when he was upset was still foreign to him.

Lucien rested a gentle hand on his shoulder, Eris didn’t know comfort, besides from his mother’s, she was the only one who had ever comforted him, and that probably wasn’t something he’d ever get by her again.

“I’m really tired.” Eris lied.

Lucien came closer, very slowly, as if trying not to spook him. It was a sweet feeling to know that his brother cared enough to try not to spook him, but it also filled him with shame, because his brother should never have to be worried about spooking him in the first place.

Eris froze as Lucien did something that he’d never once done since he was a mere child. He slowly wrapped his arms around Eris, hugging him. It took Eris a few moments before he hesitantly hugged his brother back. Eris wasn’t sure if he was feeling more pain or happiness, he had to pull away before he did something crazy, like start crying on his brothers shoulder.

When Eris began to pull away, Lucien followed his lead, pulling away also.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Lucien asked him, tilting his head to the side slightly.

“Yeah, of course.” Eris lied again.

“I’m always here for you… I love you Eris.” Lucien didn’t even seem like he had struggled to say so, it had come natural to him.

Eris felt a knot in his throat. Please be natural for me, I need to say it back.

He couldn’t.

Eris couldn’t swallow around the disgust he felt for himself. When he looked at his brother, he expected hurt, sadness, regret, or even anger, but none of that showed on his face, only calmness, and something that looked weirdly like affection, like Eris hadn’t just failed to say I love you back to him.

Why isn’t he mad at me?

“Goodnight Eris. Sleep well.” Lucien said with a small smile as he began turning away. “You better have a big breakfast tomorrow by the way! You barely ate anything at lunch and had nothing at dinner.” And with that, he left, heading back in the direction of the dining room.

As Eris entered the room, he was surprised to find he no longer had the urge to do what he had been planning. Instead, he got into his comfy clothes, ready for bed.

Eris was thankfully dragged into a deep sleep very quickly, he was utterly drained and overwhelmed by everything.

✩✩✩✩✩

It wasn’t until a few hours later that Azriel entered the room quietly, a bit tipsy.

He froze when he saw Eris in his bed, he’d forgotten momentarily that he had to stay in the same room as the Autumn high lord, his brothers successfully distracting him. It was strange, the male looked so… peaceful in his sleep. 

Azriel tried to be quiet as he flung himself into his own bed, not wanting the high lord to wake up and open that stupid mouth of his. If only he was as peaceful and soft looking as he was when he was asleep, when he was awake.

Azriel didn’t bother changing, the numbing he felt from the alcohol was too perfect to disrupt. He turned to the side, staring at Eris’s sleeping form, he was definitely still asleep, Azriel could tell by his breathing. Still, Azriel tucked truth-teller under his pillow, ready to pull it out if Eris tried to murder him during the night.

He kept his eye on the male, maybe he was slightly paranoid, but his eyes never looked away from the high lord, not until they closed when he was eventually pulled under by sleep.

Chapter Text

Aubriella woke up feeling complete comfort and safety in the arms of her mate, something she was still getting used to. It felt surreal to wake up every day without the fear for her life, or for her sons lives. It was strange to not be terrified of what the day would bring, and to not wonder who Beron would choose to take the brunt of his anger out on.

Helion stirred next to her, she looked towards the window, it was very early morning, the guests were probably all still asleep.

Aubriella was glad to be included in the next two weeks, as well as the mating ceremony. Lucien and Elain wanted to spend time with their family and friends before the ceremony, because they had plans to travel afterwards. They’d probably be coming back and forth from places quite a lot, so it’s not like they’d never get to see anyone, but they’d probably see everyone less often, hence wanting to spend quality time now. It made Aubriella so proud that Lucien and Elain had found one another, to see the two of them so happy together was such a blessing, they are so excited to travel and explore, and to spend the rest of their days together.

She couldn’t have imagined anyone better for her son than Elain was, the way the two looked at each other, their love and care for one another, it was everything a mother would want for their child. 

Helion was high lord of Day, and Eris was high lord of Autumn. Lucien had no high lord responsibilities that would stop him from travelling with his mate. One day, Lucien would be a high lord, and he’d make Elain a high lady, but for now, both of them had free time, and they wanted to make the most of it, doing things together that they wouldn’t get much time to do as high lord and high lady.

Aubriella was happy to know that both Lucien and Elain, would never have to go through anything that she had. She was happy to know that their future children would never have to suffer as hers had, they’d never have to go through what Eris had.

She was excited for the next two weeks and the mating ceremony… but she hated herself when she was around Eris, she hated how she acted.

“Aubs, I think you should just try and be honest with Eris.” Helion whispered in her ear, his voice rough from sleep.

“I can’t.” Was Aubriella’s whispered reply to her mate, her heart squeezing painfully.

Helion knew her too well, he could read her like a book.

She didn’t understand how Helion didn’t hate what he read.

It wasn’t just the reminder of her past abuse that haunted her whenever she looked at Eris, it was the guilt too. Too many times Beron had used Eris as a tool to hurt her. Beron had known that it caused her more pain when he’d hurt Eris, than when he’d hurt her. So Beron had used that, beating and torturing her son in front of her, whilst she did nothing, he’d even sometimes force her to be the one to whip him, threatening more pain on Eris if she did not do as she was told.

Aubriella loved Eris more than she could ever explain, more than her son could ever know, but she didn’t know how to handle the guilt and shame whenever she looked at him. The feelings overcoming her every time she met his eye.

Eris had always been too understanding and loving to her, he’d never held what she’d had to do to him against her, he’d comforted, and reassured her more times than she could count, when it should have been the other way.

In that house, it had been her and Eris against the world. Her other sons had been so filled with Beron’s cruelty, that she felt like she had been mourning them for centuries. Eris had done everything he could to protect his brothers, and she had done everything she could to love and support them, but they’d still turned out to be miniature Beron’s. Eris had taken his younger siblings torture for them, refusing to let Beron lay a hand on them, he’d made Beron agree to a bargain that held protection for his brothers, whilst it only led to hurt for himself, yet his brothers had still wished death on him, only caring about being the strongest heir.

Aubriella was glad that all of her sons, besides Eris and Lucien, were dead, even if that was a horrific thing for her to say. She didn’t know what they were in the end, but they hadn’t been her sons. It was the worst kind of torture to watch her once sweet and kind children, turn into cruel monsters. In the end, they chose to fight and die with their father, rather than change, become better, and live happily. She’d had hope, right up until the end, and she knew that Eris had to. They’d never stopped wishing for the males to realise that they needed to change. Eris had also mourned his brothers for centuries before their death, yet even when they died, both Eris and Aubriella had cried and been overwhelmed with the grief, with the what if’s, with the realisation that they had never been able to change, and that they no longer had the chance to.

Beron’s cruelty and abuse towards Eris was not the only reason that Aubriella felt such guilt towards Eris, it wasn’t even the half of it.

She was only young when she was forced into a marriage to Beron, only young when she was forced to become a mother. Aubriella hadn’t wanted it, she was not ready for a child, and the thought of having one with Beron had made her want to tear off her skin. She was convinced that any child with the likes of him, would turn out to be exactly like him.

Aubriella spent her pregnancy doing everything that she shouldn’t… like drinking, over-exerting herself, falling over, eating things that she was told she shouldn’t eat whilst pregnant. Anything in the hopes that the monster growing inside her womb would die. The world did not need another Beron. She was sad and angry, Aubriella had hated her baby before it was even born, and she hated herself for that fact every single day.

As soon as Eris had been born, she had refused to be around him, she had neglected him. Aubriella had just drank and slept those days away, depressed and hating everything about herself, her life, and everyone around her. She’d ignored her newborn, refused to breastfeed, refused to hold him. Maids had needed to step in and raise the child, there had been no other woman in the entirety of the Autumn Court who had also had a newborn at the time, or had been breastfeeding, and Eris had needed to be given milk from a smokehound that had just had pups in order to merely survive. It was the only resort, because Aubriella had refused to feed him, and had eroded her breastmilk with alcohol.

It turned into years of neglect from her, that was what Eris’s childhood was. Aubriella had been wasting her life away, she was depressed and an alcoholic, she’d rarely ever chosen to leave her bed. She’d truly believed that she’d hate her son as much as she hated the man that had forced him upon her.

It kept her awake at night, making her sick with guilt and shame.

It wasn’t until Eris was six years old that she had broken, that something inside of her had shattered.

Aubriella remembered hearing the little boy, that she had barely known, crying in his room, she’d only looked inside because the door to his room had been left wide open, and she had frozen in place at the sight, shock burying itself deep into her bones. Eris had been curled up in a ball on the floor, his knees to his chest, as heart wrenching full body sobs left his trembling body. All Aubriella had been able to see were the deep wounds and horrendous scars that had covered his little shirtless body.

Something finally hit her, something in her brain felt like it had been changed and rewired. She ran into the room, walking over to her crying son, and that was when she’d finally became a mother.

Aubriella had become a good and loving mother after that, she had earnt Eris’s love and trust, but she never felt like she deserved it. The guilt, shame, and self-hatred would never go away. Eris had always reassured her that he forgave her, and that he didn’t hate her, or hold her past neglect against her, but she couldn’t forgive herself and she never would.

Both Helion and Eris had said to her, time and time again, that she had been abused and forced into things that she was not ready for, not wanting, nor taught how to handle, and that she had coped in the only way she had thought possible at the time, and that it was not her fault.

Aubriella thought that was complete bullshit.

Most days she didn’t believe that she deserved to be alive for all the wrong she’d done, and all of her wrongs had mainly been to Eris. When she looked at him, she had to face that every single time, she had to be reminded of the past trauma that she had faced, but also the trauma she had caused. The ways that she had hurt one of the people she loved most. Aubriella could barely breathe around the guilt and shame that swallowed her every single day, only for it to get ten times worse in the presence of Eris. When Eris was around, she was drowning in it, it was so heavy that she truly didn’t know if she could survive it.

Eris was the walking embodiment of her past traumas, and her biggest regrets, and Aubriella hated herself for that being her truth too.

As soon as Beron had passed, as soon as she had her freedom, and there was no fear for her to feel every day, no reason for her to be stuck in survival mode… it opened a gateway to all of the awful feelings that had unknowingly been hidden and locked away inside of her chest, there had always been too much going on to feel them, but Aubriella couldn’t lock them away now.

The key had been lost.

Aubriella had left Eris, he had no one, no one at all by his side, he was all alone in Autumn, and that knowledge killed her. She knew that he must have felt abandoned by her, but she could no longer face him, no longer be reminded, nor face all of the feelings that she suffocated with when he was around. Yet she couldn’t avoid them now, she couldn’t avoid Eris now. She was stuck with him for the next two weeks, and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to survive them without getting torn apart, limb by limb, from her feelings.

Helion kissed her temple. “You will be able to overcome this. You will learn to forgive, and live with yourself.”

Aubriella could not say that she believed that. She didn’t. She didn’t think that she’d ever be able to live with herself.

“Eris deserved better. He still deserves better.” She whispered, tears claiming her russet eyes.

“He does, but so do you! You did too, my love.” Helion said softly, pulling her closer, wrapping her into a safe embrace.

She never had to worry about being hurt by Helion in any kind of way.

Helion wasn’t just a good partner to her, but also an incredible father, and Aubriella hated that he and Lucien had not gotten to spend their entire lives together. Helion was even loving and fatherly towards Eris, and Elain also. Even when Aubriella couldn’t even bare to look or be around Eris, Helion always did what he could to keep the peace and be there for not just her, but Eris too. It made her sad that Eris had a hard time accepting Helion’s love, but she knew why, and she did not blame him one bit.

A short time later, it was no surprise when Aubriella and Helion were the first at breakfast, the both of them were used to getting up quite early, loving to watch the sunrise before eating. Elain and Lucien often joined them each morning, and they both smiled gladly as the two of them walked in, hand in hand, looking quite sleepy, but giving them polite greetings and affection as usual.

They silently sat in their chairs, watching the sunrise altogether, the beautiful yellows, oranges, and pinks, glittering the sky. Aubriella smiled, Helion had a comforting arm around her shoulders, and when she looked over at Elain and Lucien, she saw that Elain was resting her head on her sons shoulder, watching the sky as Lucien stroked her hair gently.

This was home.

Helion started to joke with Elain, the both of them affectionately teasing Lucien about something as per usual, Helion reaching over to ruffle his sons hair, as laughter fell easily from the three of them. Aubriella smiled to herself fondly.

She was enamoured by her youngest son and her mate, as always, an aching wish that they had gotten to spend their entire lives together filled her. At least they have now. She would never let them lose one another ever again.

Aubriella caught a glimpse of movement, and her gaze went to the entrance.

Eris was stood there frozen, like he’d been about to walk inside but something had stopped him. She followed his eyes, to see that they were on Lucien and Helion, Eris watched as they playfully bantered, and she could see the longing, jealousy, and sadness, that was hidden behind her son’s eyes as he watched them. She wanted to tell him to come in, she wanted to say that he should sit with Helion, Aubriella knew that her mate would gladly treat Eris the same as he treats Lucien, if her son would just let him, but when Eris’s eyes finally met hers, she was unable to stop herself from stiffening, unable to stomach the guilt and shame that screamed at their eye contact.

She quickly lowered her eyes, avoiding his gaze.

Aubriella heard Eris’s steps fade as he walked away, and she hated that it was because of her that he had left. When she looked back up again a few moments later, Eris was gone. The guilt and shame that were already eating at her intensified at the thought that she was still hurting her son, even now.

“Mother.” Lucien said quietly, but she could hear the anger in her son’s voice. 

She looked up, meeting his gaze. “Yes?” 

“What’s wrong with you?” Lucien asked, disappointment and anger clear in his voice, and written on his face. “Why do you keep ignoring Eris like that? Can’t you see that you’re hurting him?”

Shame wrapped it’s claws around Aubriella’s throat, making it harder to breathe.

When his mother didn’t reply, Lucien gave a frustrated sigh, rubbing his hands against his forehead. “I don’t get why you keep doing this, you constantly talk about how much you love and miss him, and how amazing a son he is when he is not around, but when he is actually here visiting us, you give him a cold shoulder!” 

When she again had no response for him, Lucien opened his mouth like he was about to keep going, but Elain must have sensed something in Aubriella, because she rubbed a comforting hand on Lucien’s back and changed the topic of conversation.

Lucien reluctantly let it go.

✩✩✩✩✩

Helion watched as guest after guest arrived in the dining room for breakfast, they all chatted away contently as they ate their food. It was all a very homely feeling. It was nice, being around everyone, and having families and friends alike, all together.

There was someone missing though, and Helion was feeling increasingly worried for the male. Helion knew that Aubriella was hurting Eris, and very badly, but he also didn’t know what he could do to help his mate cope with the feelings and memories that she experienced every time she looked at her own son. He didn’t blame her, everyone coped with, and responded to trauma differently, there was no right or wrong way, and he could not force his mate to suddenly be over her guilt and past… but he also wasn’t blind to the fact that Eris had his own trauma also. That’s what was difficult about trauma, no two people would ever react the exact same, and sometimes how someone reacted to their trauma could hurt others, but that didn’t make them any less valid in their hurt.

Helion could tell that Eris desperately wanted his mother to be able to look at, and speak with him, it was clear how much he craved his mother’s love and affection. It was clear to him that Eris was lonely, and sad, his heart ached for the male.

Ever since he got to rekindle his relationship with Aubriella, after Beron’s death, the harsh reality of the horrific childhood and life that Eris had endured became clear. Helion hated to admit that he’d fallen for Eris’s mask, had never for a second doubted that Eris wasn’t what he portrayed himself to be. But once Aubriella had told him everything, Helion had felt such pain and heartbreak for everything Eris had been through in his life.

Eris had taken Lucien’s torture for him, and had kept Aubriella safe, he had protected them both, saving both Helion’s son, and his mate. If Eris hadn’t protected Aubriella, who knew if she would have survived Beron without Eris, and if he hadn’t had that bargain with Beron, Lucien would definitely have been dead. Helion knew that he owed Eris everything, but it wasn’t just that he owed him, he genuinely just did care for Eris. He hoped that maybe he could make up for it all one day, but all that mattered to him was Eris’s wellbeing, just like his mate’s and son’s mattered to him.  

As everyone sat around the table, many different conversations were happening at once, but Helion heard words that made him focus in on one specific conversation.

“Az, where is Eris?” Nesta was asking Azriel, who was in the seat across from her.

The male frowned at Nesta, like she was crazy for asking the question and Nesta huffed, rolling her eyes.

“It’s not a strange question Azriel, you two are sharing a room! Where is he?” Nesta continued when Azriel didn’t answer her.

“I don’t know, and I don’t care.” Azriel said stubbornly, but then sighed when Nesta glared at him and answered her question anyway. “When I left, he was just getting back.”

“Getting back? From breakfast?” Nesta asked in confusion.

“I guess.” Azriel said quickly, like every moment he had to speak on Eris was causing him great physical pain.

Nesta frowned, and then shrugged. “Well I’m glad he’s had breakfast, he didn’t eat dinner last night.”

Azriel didn’t reply, clearly not caring to know that information, but Helion’s eye caught Lucien’s, who must have also been eavesdropping, and he saw the worried expression on his son’s face. Both Helion and Lucien had caught the pained expression on Eris’s face that morning as Aubriella had avoided her son’s gaze, for a moment Eris’s expression had completely shattered, true agony on his face, before it quickly disappeared and Eris was turning on his heel, hurrying away.

He hadn’t had dinner last night, and he’d barely eaten any of his lunch.

Helion made up his mind without a second thought, grabbing another plate and stacking it with food, it was clear that Eris was not going to come to the dining room. He got up, kissing his mates cheek, before walking out of the room. As he left, he saw Lucien give him a relieved and grateful smile.

Since Beron’s death, Lucien and Eris’s relationship had bloomed, the brothers had reconnected. Helion loved their relationship, it was clear that the brothers both cared for one another unconditionally. Lucien had expressed his appreciation to Helion, for his willingness to accept, and be loving towards Eris, and he had also asked Helion not to give up on his brother.

Helion wouldn’t give up on Eris. It was okay if Eris needed to flinch away from him occasionally, Helion would prove that no amount of flinches, no amount of trauma and pain, or even Aubriella’s own discomfort with Eris, was ever going to push him away. They’d work it all out eventually, Helion had faith in them.

When Helion entered the room that Eris was staying in with the shadowsinger, he was startled to find that Eris wasn’t there… but his scent was, and he realised that the male must have been in the bathroom, so Helion went over to his bed and sat down. 

“Eris.” He called out, to let the male know that he was there, in case he hadn’t already caught his scent. 

There was a slight bang, like something had been dropped, or hit, inside of the bathroom, and Helion frowned in concern, about to get up, when Eris emerged.

He smiled at Helion, forever the picture perfect face of contentment, always fine, but Helion could see a slight panic and discomfort in the male’s eyes and the way that his hands shook ever so slightly. 

“Helion… hello?” Eris said uncertainly.

“Eris come sit.” Helion patted the bed next to where he sat.

Eris hesitated for a moment, swallowing, and then was he moving to take a seat beside him. Helion held out the plate of food to Eris and the other high lord frowned at it. 

“Eat up, I got it for you.” Helion said with an encouraging smile.

Eris eyed the food, and then Helion, an unsure look on his face. Helion knew that Eris had trouble trusting kind gestures, Helion just had to be patient with the male, he did not blame Eris for his distrust. Growing up like Eris had, there was no way that you couldn’t develop trust issues.

Helion remembered the stories Aubriella had told him, not only had it been torture with whatever weapon’s Beron liked… no, Beron also used food against Eris, refusing to let the cooks feed Eris if he didn’t do what Beron wanted. To Eris, normal things could be used as a weapon, he probably assumed that kind gestures were weapons too, the male was always on alert. Aubriella was often the same, both his mate and Eris had faced too many horrific things.

“You didn’t eat much yesterday, and you didn’t seem like you were going to come for breakfast in time, so I got you a plate,” Helion explained.

Eris didn’t seem like he had been planning on coming to breakfast at all, but Helion didn’t say that.

Such conflicting feelings tried to push through the mask of nonchalance that Eris wore, but Helion could see the complete and utter turmoil hiding away. Eris reached out with a shaky hand, quickly grabbing the plate, as if he could hide the way his hands shook, it didn’t work. Helion passed him the cutlery.  

He sat quietly by Eris as the male very slowly ate the food that Helion had brought him. It was clear Eris was in no mood to talk, and Helion didn’t want to push his luck and upset the male in any way, so he stayed silent. Eris seemed content in their silence, and Helion also found it a comfortable quiet.

Eris didn’t seem too uncomfortable sitting beside him, and that made a happy and emotional feeling settle within him. Maybe one day Eris would trust him, and be comfortable enough, to let Helion treat him like a son. Lucien and Aubriella were his family, and that meant that Eris was too… but for now, he’d be patient, he wouldn’t push Eris if the male didn’t want him to, he’d just do whatever he could to help his family. He hoped that Eris would eventually see that Helion was a safe place for him if he needed it.

Aubriella would conquer and work through her feelings. He knew she would. Helion understood it would take time for both his mate and Eris to rebuild their relationship, but Helion had no doubt that they could do it, they could reconnect, and soon all this pain and hurt would be nothing but in the past. 

He couldn’t help but hope that it would be sooner rather than later.