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Chapter Text

- My son did what? – the Elven King raised a hand, palm facing forward, interrupting the messenger.

- He... Your Highness... The prince... - the messenger, sickly pale, swallowed hard - Joined the Fellowship of the Ring, my King, during the council of Elrond

- A society, you say, to take the One Ring to Mordor and destroy it? - Thranduil said the sentence slowly, as if he were addressing an idiot. Well, that was exactly how poor Auros felt, as did the other elves escorting Prince Legolas to Rivendell. But the latter were not bothered by this, they were too busy writing their wills and saying goodbye to their families.

Auros didn't judge, it was a very understandable feeling. Not everyone knows when their end will come, so if you have the opportunity you should take it. Besides, who would he leave that land he had bought a few decades ago to?...

But on the other hand, he found it completely unnecessary. If these warriors were already doomed because of their grand failure, why drag him into it too? Naturally, he didn't volunteer. Who would? Who would voluntarily tell the king that his precious son was currently going on a tour of Mount Doom? Auros was just the unlucky elf who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up in this situation. And now 5 minutes of "talking" was proving to be a long time in an elf's life.

But, well, not that these warriors had actually failed... They should have taken the prince and brought him back safely, but if His Highness had willingly volunteered for a suicide mission, then what could they do? Tie the prince up and bring him back to his father's arms by force? They would be knocked out before they could even utter the word... oh, any word.

Not that the king would understand. It wouldn't matter to him that Legolas wanted to go, that Legolas offered his bow, and that Legolas even analyzed maps in search of the best path. No, his Little Leaf was not guilty of anything, the only ones to blame were everyone else in his surroundings.

- Yes, my King – Auros replied softly, trying to look away from the king but at the same time failing, feeling compelled to stare at the icy blue orbs in an infinite vortex of suffering.

- Accompanied by who? - Thranduil murmured, leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb, but sounding as dangerous as nails scratching a painting.

- Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir of Gondor, Gimli son of Glóin and four Hobbits of the Shire

- What do you mean, in clearer terms, that Legolas went to Mordor with Gandalf the Mad and seven inept mortals? - Thranduil spoke each word in a short and concise manner, in a way that would make Thoronthur proud. The advisor always said that Thranduil had an annoying habit of turning everything into a long, long, very long speech. Well, perhaps the king did it on purpose, but Thoronthur did not need to know that. When dealing with Oropher's family, one had to just accept certain things.

Auros felt rather than saw the change happen. If someone, years later, were to ask him what happened on the fateful day he was assigned to deliver the news to the king that his beloved son was going on a suicide mission to Mordor, Auros would have sworn by the Valar that the wind stopped blowing and that all the trees bent away from Thranduil in a foolish attempt to shield themselves from his wrath.

“Is this a rhetorical question?” thought the messenger, desperate. “Is this a trap?” Well, they were synonyms when it came to Thranduil. Auros knew his king’s temperament and his terrible habit of asking questions that didn’t require an answer and questions that didn’t even have an answer, just for the fun of seeing his prey squirm and stammer in a humiliating attempt. So, he decided to keep his head down as a safety measure, of course.

Before Auros could decide which way his own head would roll, the Elven King continued, in an uninterrupted torrent of words:

- And Elrond, who is supposed to be one of the wise, not only allowed it but thought it was a great idea? – Thranduil frowned. The messenger once again fell silent, after all, the king did not seem to be expecting anything from him. Besides, it seemed foolish, highly dangerous and not at all recommended to try to answer, so the smartest course of action would be to assume that, this time, it was in fact a rhetorical question in the full meaning of the word – Did you think it would be in good taste to send my son, my heir, to stand next to a cursed ring hanging from the neck of a Hobbit who supposedly never left its borders and take said Hobbit to Mount Doom? Oh yes, I understand.

He didn't seem to understand. No. Not even a little bit. Nothing at all. That's what Auros thought when he saw the sarcasm dripping from the Elven King/Father in a fit. A lot of sarcasm punctuated by doses of irony, mockery, scorn and as many synonyms as the dictionary could find... Which was a lot, considering the amount of languages the Elven King was fluent in.

He looked like someone about to rub this “understanding” in the face of the nearest elf, and that elf happened to be Auros...

Now, if someone were to ask Thranduil what happened, his answer would be very different. He would say that he felt his hair all turn white, the blond strands losing their color from the stress. He would say that he was given a human heart as a gift, because he could swear that he was the first elf to have a heart attack. And he would give his word that he managed to lose years of his life, while being immortal. Ah, the joys of fatherhood.

- Bad timing to say not to underestimate the courage of a Hobbit? – Auros heard the door open slightly and Galion entered, holding a neutral mask on his face with considerable effort and equipped with all the professionalism that only a royal seneschal would have. Beside him was Lord Thoronthur, completely ignoring the penetrating gaze of Thranduil, famous for paralyzing orcs on the battlefield, and not looking at all pleased.

- Perfect time to judge Elrond Peredehel's profound false sense - Thranduil grumbled in a way that only an elf who can skin someone with a dull knife could grumble

- Come now, my lord, there was nothing Elrond could do to stop his boy from getting into a...

- Suicide mission? Mad madness? Complete chaos? Sweeping curse? Ridiculous plan? I can go on for hours if you want.

- That's enough adjectives, thank you.

- An elf, a wizard, a dwarf, two humans and four hobbits enter Mordor. Valar, it even sounds like the beginning of a bad joke

- Oropher's offspring will be the death of me – Thoronthur said. Actually, saying doesn't describe it very well. Declared would be more appropriate. Thoronthur declared, looking like an elf who had long since signed his death warrant and was completely resigned – I always knew that.

- Yes! It's a joke. A very, very bad joke. Bad in ways I can't even measure, and I've seen a lot of nonsense in my millennia. Not long ago, a group of dwarves, also inept, by the way, decided, get this, to wake up a dragon! - Thranduil filled a cup of wine, pushed the folds of his robes away from his wrist and downed the entire Dorwinion in one gulp, then filled it again and drank it all again - And then they still had the audacity to complain that I didn't help! Ah ha ha

- I knew as soon as I looked at Thranduil when he was still a prince – Thoronthur continued, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings and not addressing anyone in particular. He was taking up too much time telling a story, not a story, a tragedy – You can't live by his side without gradually losing your sanity. And I'm referring to very broad situations, ranging from facing the Serpents of the North and leaving without half of your face, a face that I had to take care of first, to arriving early for meetings just to embarrass the advisors, all very punctual, for keeping the king waiting.

- And now my own son has decided to do worse. And the Hobbit's nephew who helped Thorin's company too. Just look how things are... - so wrapped up in his fury was Thranduil that he didn't notice Galion's amused smile, which was probably safer - Legolas decided to go on a trip to find the All-Seeing Eye and throw that hideous trinket into the fire in front of him. Accompanied by eight inept beings, I repeat, inept! Representatives of the free peoples of Middle-earth, my ass! And to go against nine Nazgul and a few hundred thousand orcs in a land that exudes torture. Valar, Lindus didn't give me that much trouble!

- Then he got married and had Legolas. And that's when I knew that the phrase "nothing is so bad that it can't get worse" wasn't just a phrase, it was a prediction. Of jumping on a troll's head and putting a sword through its brain and then going around controlling it like a puppet. Marrying my daughter. Legalizing archery gambling. Marrying my daughter. Going to Mordor to destroy the One Ring.

Galion crossed his arms, leaning against the wall to watch the growing drama of the two formidable elves succumbing to the consequences of Legolas Greenleaf's actions.

Auros narrowed his eyes at the king and could swear he saw an evil aura (wine-colored, it's important to note) emanating from his royal pores. Then he looked at the advisor who continued to recount a series of fatalities and, honestly, Auros could not imagine that even fatalities could be so fatal... poor Thoronthur. Then he looked at the butler, Galion remained calm amidst the joys of Thranduil's fatherhood and the joys of living with Thranduil's fatherhood of Thoronthur. How? Impossible to know. But Galion at that moment became Auros' new idol.

Finally, he sighed discreetly so as not to draw the king's attention and mentally scolded himself for letting himself go mad at the most inopportune moment possible. He needed all his mental faculties intact if he wanted to fulfill his mission here and then be able to return home and merge with the wall, but with every second he spent in the king's company he felt the life leaking out of his ears.

While the messenger covered his ears, trying in vain to stop his life from fading away, Galion just waited, knowing that in this state of mind the king would not let him utter a single word without being interrupted at every vowel. He folded his hands in front of him and watched as Thranduil grumbled and filled another cup and Thoronthur seemed ready to throw himself out the window.

It was then that the king began to laugh, laugh so much that his body bent over, tears began to come out of his eyes. Of all the reactions...

- Thranduil? – Galion pushed himself away from the wall, finally looking worried.

- It's a prank! Legolas is doing this on purpose! He'll jump out from behind one of those trees any moment, just like he used to do when he was a kid, and shout, "Aha! I scared you, didn't I, Ada?"

The messenger, forgotten in the corner, clutched the set of letters in his hands. He should deliver them but...but...but...Who was he to interrupt the king's theoretical reveries? Besides, he was very interested in watching his majesty's hand gesturing up, down, from one side to the other repeatedly and without spilling a single drop of wine from the glass, which he had not yet released.

- A joke together with the future deceased Elrond and the future corpse Gandalf – Thranduil smiled, happy and completely satisfied with the conclusion he had reached, not seeming to realize, at least not completely, the choice of words used. The wine in the glass swayed dangerously – But I will have the last laugh, Galion. Legolas is also a father! One day the twins will grow up and say “Ada! We are going to Mordor to destroy Sauron's Extra One Ring!” And then he will... Oh, better not, they are my grandchildren. I will be doubly traumatized

- Me too! I'm tired of the traumas that you, Oropher's blood, cause me! - Thoronthur said, with an ugly face - My grandchildren will inherit the healthy part of the family. That is, mine. They will leave the rings to the jewelers, just as it should be!

Galion and the messenger exchanged a look, and the latter jerked his chin toward the letters he held, eager to be rid of them.

It was then that the king quickly put down the wine, but without spilling it, of course, and spread his hands on the table top, pushing his chair back and standing up.

- Where are you going? – Galion took the letters from Auros's unsteady hands, who remained motionless in his corner, imagining that it would be safer that way.

Auros was not a warrior, but he knew that when faced with a predator, being a little mouse, the ideal was to remain still so as not to attract the beast's attention. And the beast in question was almost 1.90 meters tall, with long blond hair and a maniacal glint in his eyes. Yes, Auros would remain as still as a statue so that later he would not have to remain as still as a corpse (because he would be one, without a shadow of a doubt). And if he left before the members of the Prince's escort, he would escape Mandos' sight only to pull each of their feet and drag them in front of His Majesty so that they would be little mice too.

“Turn Rivendell into a pile of smoking rocks,” he said, a beaming smile still on his face. He stepped out from behind the large wooden table, his robes rustling behind him in a swirl of burgundy and silver.

And the hour that everyone feared had come. The King had finally gone mad. Legolas had achieved what no field of knee-deep blood, what no endless and deadly boring meetings, and no threat of the end of the wine trade could have achieved. He had disorganized his father's very intelligent neurons.

- Your son left letters, Thranduil!

- I have to talk to Evalin. Where is your daughter, Thoronthur? Does she know where her husband went yet?

- Thranduil! Thoronthur! – Galion yelled, making the other two freeze in place and frown at him. Auros admired the profound courage of his new hero, or, well, profound stupidity – Legolas is not a child who does not know what he is getting into. And you know that. But you are boring and grumpy old men who need to grumble. My Little Leaf is doing this for us, for the kingdom and especially for their wife and children, who happen to be grandchildren of both of you.

Auros was shivering. He was seeing firsthand the royal steward face off against the Elven King and his chief advisor. As far as he knew, Galion was part of the family, had been by Thranduil's side since long before he took the throne and had helped raise Legolas and Lindus after Queen Melinda's murder. So he hoped that his punishment for... well, for that, wouldn't be any greater.

The Elven King looked deeply at his steward. Serious. Resolute. Impassive. Auros closed his eyes, not wanting to see the destruction that would come next. But what he didn't expect...

- Oh, shut up Galion – The king threw himself back in his chair, rubbing his forehead. The corner of his mouth trembled as if he were trying to hide a smile – I know my son's merits! There is no one here prouder than me. Now let me suffer! I am in my place as a father!

Thoronthur sighed and looked at Thranduil, but his eyes were shining.

- You have created a formidable elf, Thranduil.

- If anything, Legolas created himself to be formidable – Thranduil smiled - He only required my help

Auros began to take small steps backwards, taking advantage of the newly acquired distraction of paternal pride.

- You – Thranduil took the letters from Galion's hands and Auros stopped suddenly, almost falling forward in surprise. The Elven King looked at him as if he were an idiot who was wasting his time or an annoying little mosquito, having completely forgotten about the messenger's presence until then – Send for the princess, let's read what my son has to say in these letters

Chapter Text

Aragorn stopped, watched, thought and thought some more before deciding to approach the Elven prince. Normally he wouldn't have any reservations about bothering him, but Legolas seemed...um...seemed...strangely unstable?

For Aragorn, on the whole, Thranduil's eldest son could be considered a controlled elf. Temperamental? Yes. Easily capable of skinning someone with a blunt knife? Yes, too. Able to look at you with the most innocent blue eyes while pulverizing you under a tongue lashing? Always. But unstable? Never. Legolas Greenleaf was always impeccable: long, irritatingly aligned golden hair with two side braids holding the strands away from his eyes; a piercing gaze framed by irritatingly long golden eyelashes; an irritatingly melodious voice like golden bells ready to make irritatingly irritating remarks; a perfectly and irritatingly symmetrical face with irritatingly harmonious features to convince you to do whatever the atrocity of the moment is e....

Ah, well, to recap...for Aragorn, on the whole, Thranduil's eldest son could be considered an irritating elf. Point.

-Legolas - Aragorn muttered, looking over the elf's shoulder - What are you writing there? Or trying to, considering the amount of crumpled papers scattered across this table

The Prince didn't answer, too busy staring at a sheet of paper, holding a fountain pen tightly in his hand as if his life depended on it. Ah, a completely blank sheet of paper, it should be noted. Surrounding the letter that the prince was writing, or as Aragorn had said, trying to write, was a sea of little balls of paper. Discarded letters had already overflowed the garbage can and fallen onto the grass around Legolas' chair and others were rolling across the table in the light breeze from the garden.

- The best routes for the Fellowship of the Ring? Watch duty? - the future King of Men kicked, and when Legolas remained silent he tried to pull out the paper - The pros and cons of making a fire in Mordor? How to avoid being kidnapped by orcs?

The trees rustled, their branches moving almost furiously, causing balls of paper to fly and hit Aragorn directly in the face. Not surprisingly, Legolas was loved by the trees, just as he was loved by the animals of the forest. Aragorn still remembered the fateful day when he had cursed the Elven prince (it's inevitable to want to curse Oropher's descendants, any of them) and a little bird had almost entered his mouth in revenge, preventing him from continuing to speak. Aragorn had a strange aversion to birds ever since.

- Okay! I've got it! I've got it! I won't get in the way of your protected Prince of the Forest! - a nearby branch bounced off and hit Aragorn's ankle - Legolas!

Slowly, with his knuckles smeared with ink, a smudge on his left temple and loose strands of his ever so perfectly manicured braids, Legolas Greenleaf declared, with the voice of an elf who knows he's heading for the gallows:

-A letter for my wife

-What? - the human blinked, still staring furiously at the surrounding trees, which had stopped shaking their branches almost innocently

- “A letter to my wife,” the elf repeated, holding the bridge of his nose with ink-smeared fingers, “explaining to her why one fine day I decided to go to Mordor.” Legolas glared at Aragorn with such a cutting look that the human was sure he had lost at least 250 years of his life, and he didn't even have that to lose.

-Ah, that makes perfect sense. Only Evalin could make you feel that way.” Aragorn gave a barely contained chuckle and didn't disagree with the statement, after all, Gandalf was a smoker. And a skilled one at that.

Legolas leaned over, banged his forehead on the tabletop and stood there in deep disgrace, his blond hair framing an expression (beautiful, by the way) of agony. The trees leaned towards him, their branches swaying gently in an attempt to console the Prince of the Forest. I should call in a painter to immortalize the scene,” thought Aragorn reflectively. The elves would pay very well for that.

Aragorn stretched out his hand and gathered up a few balls of paper discarded by the suffering elf and opened them, lining them up next to each other to read. Legolas didn't even protest, too busy sinking into agony and commiseration.

-Let's look at your lack of progress.

My darling (Discarded)

My love (crossed out)

Evalin, light of my life (discarded)

Owner of my heart (crossed out)

Eva
I have arrived safely in Valfenda. I'm going to Mordor (completely discarded, torn, incinerated)

Amarth (*lost in elvish)
I have arrived safely in Valfenda. And since I know that this would be the moment when you would check my body for injuries, I'm going to describe to you my current state: unharmed, but mad with longing. And I'm going to miss you even more, do you know where? In Mordor. (???????)

- That's shameful - Aragorn grimaced

- “I didn't ask for and don't want the opinion of humans who can't even sort out their own love lives,” Legolas muttered against the tabletop.

- You know, princes are supposed to be good with words and...

- And you, a future King of Men, have you ever thought of all the words you'll have to put together to form a sentence, then a paragraph and finally a whole speech to explain to Lord Elrond how you intend to marry his daughter?

- That's not the point here,” the human grumbled, crossing his arms.

- Aren't future kings supposed to be good with words? Beren and Lúthien did better than you e....

- I hate you

Legolas just gave him a bored, not at all shaken look.

Mumbling a multitude of “annoying elf!”, of “that's why nobody likes elves! Only Arwen, of course” and ‘At the first opportunity I'm going to throw that elf into Mount Doom!’, but shutting up immediately after a squirrel threw a nut at his nose, Aragorn pouted and threw himself down on the grass next to Legolas' chair.

He began to hear the sound of a fountain pen on paper for long enough to write four words. The sound stopped. It resumed for two more words. It stopped again. And finally, the unmistakable sound of paper being torn followed by the equally unmistakable sound of suffering.

- For the love of the Valar, Legolas! This is the twenty-seventh letter you've tried to write. At this rate, you'll still be trying to explain yourself to Evalin on the way to Mordor

- “I'm not trying to explain myself to her, Estel,” said Legolas, pulling a bottle of wine out of the beyond at the sound of the word “Mordor”, ignoring the goblet that had also appeared from the beyond, and pouring the contents straight from the neck. - As soon as Eva hears the news, she'll know exactly why I made the decision I did

- So you're trying to choose the best words so as not to arouse your wife's fury? Nobody wants to sleep on the sofa for the rest of eternity, especially you who practically eat out of Evalin's hand

- That last part is true - Legolas agreed, looking absolutely pleased with himself and the fact that yes, of course, he did eat out of his wife's hand

- And who wouldn't want to eat out of Evalin's hand? - a new voice spoke up and Dan appeared arm in arm with his brother, both with identical smiles on their faces

- I don't know how, because we're much prettier, dear brother - and then he looked around suspiciously as the branches swayed gently, as if laughing at the statement.

- “Tell lies that you can support, Elrohir,” Legolas gestured with one hand, completely disdainful and disinterested, knowing that he was always the most handsome being in the room and used to it. With his other hand he went back to writing on the paper, paying as much attention to the twins as he would to a stone on the ground

Elrohir even tried to pull out the paper but gave up when he was slapped on the hand and walked away with a grumble. Elladan also took a chance, approached and tried to grab one of the prince's braids, but when his wrist was grabbed and twisted he immediately surrendered, grumbling.

Then, since trying to attract Legolas' attention had no effect, as he remained resolute in his task, the twins turned their attention to the human lying on the ground.

- Estel, little brother - Elladan nudged Aragorn with his boot - Why is Legolas wearing a crooked braid? It's suspicious, to say the least, when it comes to him. His hair is always perfect! I nearly lost my arm just now trying to touch it!

- He's writing a letter to his wife,” I said simply.

- “Aaaaaaah, that makes sense,” laughed Elrohir. “Only Evalin could make him look like that.

- “I said the same thing,” said Aragorn wistfully.

- “It's an honor for me to be broken by my wife,” said Legolas, wrinkling his nose.

- “Evalin could break your nose and you'd still thank her and comment on how soft her hands were while she was doing it, Legolas.

- They would be - the prince agreed - My wife does have very soft hands.

- Why don't you add that to the letter? - Dan suggested wistfully. “It says she can punch you in the nose with her soft hands as soon as you get back from Mordor.

- I miss my wife,” Legolas murmured, with such a sad and longing expression on his handsome features that some of the elves passing by at that moment put one hand over their hearts and dried their eyes with the other. And he took another sip of wine to the sound of “Mordor”.

- Oh for the love of the Valar! These elves would take you back to Greewnood in their arms if you let them” grumbled Elrohir.

- What elves? What elves? - Legolas looked confusedly at his younger twin, not having noticed any elves. “Besides, no one touches me but my wife, Elrodion,” the prince gave him a serious look of reprimand, as if Elrohir had nothing in his head but a smooth brain like a chicken breast.

- Why don't you go back and try to write about your journey to Mordor? - Ro snorted

Legolas immediately took another sip of wine straight from the bottle when he heard “Mordor”, cast a dangerous glance at the three friends gathered around him and returned his attention to the paper in front of him containing a total of 6 words.

- My love - recited Elladan, using the voices in his own head as a source - I offered my bow to the Fellowship of the Ring, but my arrow will always be yours - and started laughing to himself

- You know what's worse? - Legolas laughed - Eva would laugh.

- Just before punching him in the nose with his soft hands

Legolas ran his finger along the tip of her nose, as if to be close to his wife he would accept even a punch.

- Now get out of here - Legolas gestured to nowhere in particular - I'm busy. I need to write to my wife. My children. My father. My brother. My wife, again, and...

- Not busy, you're defeated - Aragorn pointed out helpfully

- It's an honor for me to be defeated by my wife,” the prince wiggled his nose.

- In this case, for a role for your wife. The mighty Elven prince of Greenwood, the finest archer Middle-earth has ever produced and an important member of his father's court - defeated by a piece of paper and a pen - the future king of men couldn't stop a smile from forming and Dan and Ro giggled - Ah, that's lovely to see

- Don't look so pleased - Legolas looked up briefly and gave them a macabre look from under his golden eyelashes - They'll blame you

- What? - Aragorn felt the hairs on his arms stand on end and broke out in a cold sweat

- My greatest fear in writing this letter is not that Eva will be angry with me, just like Ada. It's because I know I'm going to make them suffer for a decision I made. I mean, for a decision - and then Legolas smiled. A completely delighted and satisfied smile, with dimples appearing and lighting up his whole expression. And completely terrifying Aragorn and the twins.

And in that mischievous smile, in that declaration made simply and calmly, Aragorn realized: Legolas was right.

Thranduil and Evalin would blame him. And so would Dan and Ro. The statement landed like an arrow right in the middle of Aragorn's forehead, and with another arrow going through the first, it's important to note. The Elven King's Little Leaf was never wrong, he was never guilty of anything. Aragorn strongly suspected that Thranduil had ever even raised his voice to Legolas and if he had, he would have immediately apologized, no matter how much (and it was usually a lot) Legolas deserved it.

But Aragorn? He wasn't in such high esteem with the Elven King. In fact, he was of no account at all. Thranduil didn't even like him! As he was human, even if a human with a longer than usual life expectancy, Aragorn was still mortal and would therefore one day die and, well, cause Legolas to suffer - something Thranduil vehemently disapproved of. Aragorn hadn't witnessed one of Thranduil's “outbursts of humor”, but he had already felt the ground shake beneath his feet. And now Aragorn hadn't stopped Legolas from joining the society. Aragorn was leading the Elven King's heir into danger and imminent death with Gandalf the Smoker and 7 inept mortals.

And Evalin? Well, the princess was small by Elven standards and wasn't a warrior like her father-in-law and husband were. Evalin, in fact, was an artist - she sang and danced at court and in the theaters of Greenwood, enchanting and seducing everyone. But people knew better than to underestimate her delicate exterior. Evalin Greenleaf was completely ferocious. She could bend a man twice her size with just that look of different colors, her fierce smile with her full lips painted red and her sweet voice, always used in enchanting tones. And Aragorn hadn't stopped her husband from joining the society. Aragorn was leading the father of her children into danger and imminent death with Gandalf the Smoker and 7 inept mortals.

So, in more direct words: Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, adopted son of Lord Elrond of Valfenda and trained warrior, was totally and definitively doomed.

Just as Elrond's twins were doomed, with identical expressions of terror paralyzing their identical faces. These two, thought the future King of Men, might even occupy some place (albeit an extremely low one) in Thranduil's concept of them as sons of who they are, but they had already brought so much trouble to the King while staying at Greenwood Palace that Thranduil didn't want to see them even covered in gold - which was a lot, considering the Elven King and his passion for valuable items.

Spoiled prince - that was Aragorn's last thought before giving in to the despair of a man who knows the end is near.

And that's how Elrond found his four friends. Aragorn prostrate on the ground like a corpse, as if waiting for the earth to take him before Thranduil did. Elrohir and Elladan around the body of their younger brother, arguing furiously and putting forward unconvincing arguments about the Elven King's supposed mercy. And Legolas, who until then had been standing still with a completely smug look on his face, changed his expression in a matter of milliseconds when he saw the Lord of Valfend approaching.

Legolas looked at Elrond with such a look of wide-eyed innocence in his blue eyes that the lord almost believed him to be nothing more than an elf who had never done anything wrong in his life. For a brief moment, very brief indeed, he almost felt bad for Thranduil. There was no way he wouldn't have left his father completely ragged, mad and gray (even though he wasn't aging).

- Prince Legolas - greeted the lord, turning away from his three ragged sons - I don't suppose I could persuade you not to go to Mordor, could I?

- That's right, my lord - Legolas took another sip of wine to the sound of “Mordor” - You won't succeed

- Not even knowing that Greenwood is going to turn Valfenda into a pile of smoking rocks? - Elrond looked anxious as he said this, wringing his hands

- Oh, Galion and Thoronthur will manage - the prince shrugged as if it were no big deal - I'm doing this for my family, Elrond. The shadow draws ever closer, my kingdom is already suffering countless attacks. I want to be able to provide a safe place for those I love, and if I have to walk to Mordor to do that, then so be it.

- Very noble of you, Your Highness,” Elrond smiled, even if it was an anxious smile, “Greenwood is lucky to have you as its prince. But it seems that your father's departure will leave me childless

- But ada - Elrohir frowned - Of course we are doomed, but of all of us, you will be the most guilty.

And so it was that Legolas Greenleaf managed to drive yet another Elven lord mad. Poor Lord Elrond.

Chapter Text

It was three in the morning and Evalin Greenleaf was far from being asleep. Reclining on the bed with a wall of soft pillows and a notebook resting on her (very) pregnant belly, she was writing something by candlelight. Her husband was not in the room, which was a shame because she really wanted a foot massage - Legolas was in a meeting that was lasting much longer than it should, by the way. So Eva, with her twelve months of pregnancy (curse the Valar who decided that elvish pregnancy would last a year) with twins, was just writing intently.
I was reflecting on how many lemon sweets they would need for the reception in the healing ward when the door opened and Legolas walked in. Evalin immediately threw the notebook aside and turned her face pretending to be asleep.
- You pretend poorly, dear - Legolas laughed - What are you writing?

- Hmph! I don't pretend poorly, you have the eyes of a lynx - Eva grumbled, taking the notebook back - And I'm not writing anything special

- If it's nothing special, why is it keeping you up late?

- I already slept - rested his hands on his protruding belly, changing the subject

Approaching the bed, Legolas smiled mischievously.

- Are you going to speak well or badly?

- Neither for good nor for bad - Evalin hugged the notebook to her chest

- This choice doesn't exist

- Now it exists - raises the nose

- No, it doesn't exist - Legolas stopped in front of the bed, with his knees close to the mattress
With a super suspicious and defiant look, Evalin just moved and sat on top of the notebook.
- Yes, we'll see - and then, Legolas simply started taking off his shirt. And well, who was Evalin to be able to look away, right?

Proud of her complete inability to look away, Eva merely gasped when she saw Legolas let his shirt fall to the floor, revealing his defined abdomen, and then begin to take off his pants.

- Getting ready to sleep? - she pretended to be innocent, huddled at the top of the bed to protect the notebook. But staring intently, of course. The husband, after all, was a sight to behold.

- Shouldn't it?

- Should. Should I? - she bit her lips, uncertain

- I should, but first I think I need to give a special good night to my wife.

- Oh. I know how to give very special good nights.

- You don't even know what I'm talking about - Legolas raised an eyebrow, amused, and rested a knee on the bed

- So please, husband, enlighten me

- Now I want to be enlightened about what you thought - Legolas smiled mischievously, brushing the long blonde hair from his exposed broad shoulders

- Everything I want to do can turn into a special good night - Eva declared

- Oh really?

- Aren't there any pieces missing for you to take? - gestured impatiently

- You really like seeing me naked, huh?

- We have years of marriage, you already know this information - he gestured once again

And Legolas? Well, he took it off. Making a whole scene to take off the last piece, he ended up completely naked, much to the delight of his wife (and us readers) and climbed onto the bed, after all, seducing Evalin is his favorite sport.

- What are you going to do now? - asked Legolas with a low, hoarse voice, approaching like a feline cornering its prey.

- You didn't say the special goodnight you wanted - said Evalin, admiring the contours of her husband's body with satisfaction

Legolas brought his face closer to Evalin's, his piercing blue eyes.

- I was thinking about a kiss - and he took a strand of her hair

- You didn't need to take off your pants just for a kiss - he teased. Then he also brought his face closer until their lips were almost touching, just a breath away.

- I was getting ready to sleep - and then he kissed her. Slowly and deeply. Challenging and passionately.

He buried his fingers in his wife's hair and gently turned her face, deepening the kiss even more. Between bites, wet kisses, and sensual caresses, Legolas pulled her onto his lap, being careful with his wife's (very) pregnant belly.

And Evalin? Completely devoted, addicted, and in love. And the notebook? Completely forgotten, forgotten and forgotten.

Separating the kiss with a smile so beautiful it could outshine a star, Legolas laid her back on the bed, gave a gentle kiss on her belly, and made a move to get on top, but then...

- Legolas!

Smiling maniacally and with predatory blue eyes, Legolas took the notebook and walked away with the most satisfied expression on the face of Middle-earth.

- Slanderer, swindler, deceiver of pregnant wives, scoundrel - Evalin huffed in annoyance, grumbling the longest series of adjectives she could think of

- I am focused on my goals - then he opened the notebook
- Apparently eating your wife isn't one of them - Eva continued grumbling - Cheating elf, scoundrel, rascal

- Three hundred lemon candies? - Legolas frowned - Love, we already talked about how you can't eat so many sweets at once and....

- It's not for me - Evalin gave a strange look

- No?

- I love sweets but I'm not that clueless. They are for our guests.

- What do you visit?

- Not ours, the babies'.

- Can you be clear and explain it all at once?

- Do you know if the cooks are awake now? I know it's still early morning, but it's very urgent, it's for our reception and...

Too busy daydreaming, Evalin didn't notice her husband's fixed gaze as he read the next page. Legolas raised his gaze to her, lowered it back to the notebook, returned to Evalin, to the notebook, to Evalin, to the notebook, and finally...fixed his accusing blue eyes, as wide as saucers, on his wife.

- So we need the sweets to welcome our family and friends, as well as the nobles of the kingdom! Everyone who comes to meet the twins and congratulate us will get a little lemon candy and...

- When were you going to tell me you're having contractions???

For that was what she was noting on the page Legolas pointed to: the time interval between the contractions.

- Soon - he extended his hand towards the notebook

- Now you can lie, dear? - Legolas seemed increasingly pale.
- Eventually, I was going to tell. The bag burst earlier when you were in the meeting. By the way, how did it go? - he gestured towards the notebook with his fingers - And let's go, I have a bunch of things to sort out

Legolas took a deep breath, deep, and a little deeper. He looked like an elf giving his all to avoid collapsing.

- Valar. Yes. Alright. I'll get dressed. Do you need help getting dressed or can I go get the bags you prepared?

- Ah - Eva pouted, watching her husband practically hyperventilate - Don't get dressed yet
- Of course I have to get dressed! - Legolas ran to pick up his discarded clothes

- Did you know that orgasm helps with dilation? - Eva shook her head, saying naturally

- No way! We are going to the healing ward.

- It was information from the curator! And we're not going now - she swung her legs out of bed and began to get up slowly.

- He gives all the information to both of us because this one specifically would only be for you? And yes, we are going now! - Legolas dropped the clothes again and ran to help his wife get up.

- It was just a coincidence. And we are not, no. I need to talk to the cooks and I haven't even started putting on my makeup yet - Evalin walked towards the vanity, giving a little laugh and a slap on her husband's still very bare bottom.

- I'll ask him when I get there. And I'll inform the cooks on the way, they already know what to do, Eva, my love.

- I'm not going out now

- Valar, how do you manage to be so stubborn? - Legolas tried to hurriedly put on his pants again while Evalin calmly sat down and picked up her makeup brushes.

- I am getting ready - Legolas shot him a glare while applying blush to his cheeks

- You can get ready in the healing wing.
- Can you help me count the contractions - Evalin ignored the comment and declared as if that would help the poor guy's anxiety

- I am going to be the first elf in history to have a heart attack

- You can tell two more now - said Eva, her lips forming a pout as she applied her lipstick. Or she tried to apply it, since she was very distracted by the beautiful scene of her husband getting dressed - Hummmm...I swear it's true, it helps with dilation and....

- Evalin Greenleaf - Legolas fastened his pants and began putting on his shirt, completely restless, unable to stand still even to put on his boots - Don't you dare finish that sentence

Next, the prince ran to the door, shouted "they're coming!" and ran back to the room. Soon after, in a matter of seconds, candle after candle was lit throughout the palace, footsteps began to sound, and voices started to shout. The entire palace woke up in a hurry. Guards, servants, nobles, commoners...everyone who had two eyes and two pointed ears rushed to organize themselves to deliver the good news to the kingdom.

- Annoying - Evalin turned back to the mirror but kept spying on her husband through the mirror's reflection - I finished the first part. I still need to braid my hair and...

- I'll braid your hair! - Legolas ran over and stopped behind his wife, immediately starting to braid her strands. Eva smiled as she felt her husband's trembling fingers on her scalp.

- Of course, dear. If that makes you think we'll go faster - she smiled understandingly - So you can start, and I think once we finish this we can go - she pulled the two maternity bags she had placed on the dresser and began checking them for the thousandth time.

Legolas deftly braided Evalin's hair, his fingers swiftly running through the strands and creating a beautiful and functional braid.

- How beautiful - our favorite pregnant woman smiled - Now give me a little kiss

And Legolas? Legolas obeyed. He turned to face his wife, held the back of the chair, and kissed her. Softly and deeply. Then strong and quickly. And once again, Evalin was completely surrendered, addicted, and in love.

- Amarth, dear, light of my heart, love of my immortality... can we go now? - the prince implored, starting to give small kisses all over her face - Please?

- All right, we can

And before Eva could change her mind, Legolas quickly slung the two bags over his shoulder and picked her up in his arms.

- Ah! - was the exclamation of an elf who clearly intended to walk but had obvious plans to stop several times along the way. Yeah... she didn't forget the lemon candies.

- I’m starting to think that you didn’t want to give birth in our room, as is customary, because you wanted to use every possible minute to voice your completely intrusive thoughts - Legolas opened the door to the room and quickly left the royal wing

- They are not intrusive! The sweets are important! And you should worry about them too and... - looking over her husband's shoulder, Evalin finally noticed a train of maids and guards following them - Ah, perfect! Green, I want everything in shades of green.

With his wife busy giving instructions, Legolas just focused on breathing deeply, very deeply, very deeply indeed, to calm himself. One step after another. One at a time. Always forward.

Oh. Valar. Of. Heaven.

He would be a father! Dad! Dad! Dad! Of twins. That were going to be born. And they were going to be born now. That started to be born some time ago when his wife decided to hide the contractions in favor of her lemon sweets. Damn lemon sweets!

That's when he felt a poke on his cheek.

- Hi?

- Hi

- Nervous? Anxious? Collapsing?

- Collapsing - he nodded vigorously

- And just so you know, I haven't even started screaming yet. You know, they're not going to be born in this hallway!

- Who guarantees it, Mrs. Evalin Stubborn Greenleaf? - joked Legolas

- Well, I'm not feeling either Aerin or Arsene sliding out of me right now - she said, making her husband laugh, even though it sounded a bit breathless.

- Shhhh, don't say it out loud! They might feel compelled!

Evalin laughed, then placed her palm on her husband's cheek.

- You face hundreds of furious orcs and giant spiders with ease, and now you're sweating and your hands are shaking because your wife wants lemon candies?

- Because my wife wants lemon sweets instead of giving birth! - he pouted

One foot. Another foot. One in front of the other. In sequence. To get to the other side. Valar. He was going to be a father!

- You will be, you already are, an incredible father. And if I have one certainty in life, that certainty is you - Evalin smiled

Around them, chaos was happening. Elves were pushing each other desperately in the preparations for the birth, shouts of "they're about to be born!", "the little prince and princess of Greenwood are coming!", "I always knew Prince Legolas and Lady Evalin would end up together", "Have you got the blankets yet?" The scissors? The bandages?", 'Guys, the princess is going to give birth! "Stop shouting!", "The lemon sweets!" and "Where are the sweets???" Of lemon!".

The voice of King Thranduil stood out alongside that of Lord Thoronthur, who were approaching quickly and arguing about which side of the family their grandchildren would take after. Thoronthur vehemently refused any connection with the lineage of Oropher, except for a few details here and there; meanwhile, Thranduil declared that the twins would come as copies of the royal family and there was nothing the counselor could do about it except dye the children's hair. Prince Lindus came right behind, telling the two elven lords to control themselves or the babies wouldn't even want to be born if this was the view they would have.
But Legolas and Evalin remained in their own bubble of love, paying attention to nothing but each other.

- You are the best thing that ever happened to me - Legolas slowed his pace as he entered the healing ward, and gently laid his wife on the bed. Elves were bustling around making preparations for the birth, basins of water, clean towels... - Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saying yes to me. Thank you for making me the happiest elf in the world. My heart is yours. My bow is yours. I am yours.

Eva, lying in bed and with the contractions (finally) increasing to the point where she could no longer ignore them, smiled with a sparkle in her eyes and squeezed her husband's hand.

- And I am yours. For as long as eternity lasts. And beyond - he placed his hand over Legolas's heart and smiled

- Eva - Legolas held her hand, giving a kiss on the back - I love you - then he moved his lips down to his wife's belly, placing a kiss there as well - and I love you both too. Even when Middle-earth is nothing more than a forgotten whisper in the corners of a library, a mere citation in an old and forgotten book, I will love you.

The two smiled at each other, radiant with the enormity of what was happening. Best friends. Dating. Married. And now parents.

- Ready, Your Highness? - the curator approached, drying his hands on a cloth

- Yes, Elynion - Evalin nodded - But first... by any chance, on the way here... Did you see the cooks coming with my lemon sweets?

- You're not going to forget those sweets, are you? - huffed Legolas

-Never

Chapter Text

It wasn't even seven in the morning and Legolas Greenleaf was already irritated. And when the prince was angry, the whole palace could sense his dissatisfaction. Everyone knew when he was approaching: his footsteps might be silent, but his hatred resounded off the walls. Ah, well, Legolas was Thranduil's son after all, an elf internationally known for his...um...charming personality? Captivating soul?

Servants passed him quickly, bowing with their heads down so as not to attract attention; advisors remained deathly silent because any word could be used against them and no one wanted to end the day hanging upside down from a tree. But the warriors? The warriors had no escape. They would have to deal with the prince in all his blond fury, as he would be coordinating the elite training that morning. Legolas was already known for extremely strenuous and torturous training, but angry as he was, he would take the levels of torture to a new level that would make even Sauron envious.

It was an especially beautiful morning, or would have been, if they could have enjoyed the brilliant blue sky instead of contemplating the dangers of a raging prince. Armed to the teeth and with helmets gleaming in the sun, the elves waited in their polished armor. Not a strap out of place, not a crooked feather on the shafts of their arrows and even fewer poorly tied armbands on their forearms... the warriors were impeccable. They wouldn't give more ammunition to someone who already had an endless supply of attacks.

Everyone noticed when the prince arrived, even if leafy trees prevented them from seeing him approaching, even if his footsteps were as light and silent as a sigh... everyone, without exception, knew the exact moment when Legolas stepped onto the training grounds.

They straightened their spines, checked their armor, positioned their swords and prepared to...

- My, how dramatic you are - a soft voice could be heard over the din - He's not going to rip your heads off and use them as wine glasses

Everyone gasped at the same time, disoriented and wide-eyed. That voice...that voice.... no, no, no, no!!!!!!!!! They watched each other frantically, trying to figure out which helmet the recognizable voice had come from.

- Lady Evalin? - an elf tried - Lady Evalin? Are you here, my lady?

- Perhaps - the voice answered from somewhere down the ranks of the troop

- Please, Lady Evalin. You should go back to the palace, it's not safe here! Training will start soon and...

- I'm well aware of that. Why do you think I'm here? - Evalin rolled her eyes under her helmet and staggered when the weight of the sword tipped her forward

- My lady! We'll have hand-to-hand combat, sharp weapons, arrows...

- I think I know what training means. But thank you for explaining,” Eva said ironically, furiously fiddling with the sheath of the cursed blade.

Okay... fine... maybe she was being unnecessarily harsh. Maybe she was taking Legolas' pains, pains she didn't even know what they were, by the way, but she was there to find out!

- The prince will skin us alive if you get hurt - a braver elf managed to say - He'll use a spoon to gouge out our eyes. He won't use our heads as a bowl because he'll use them as a vase, with the open eye holes being used to serve more than one bowl at the same time e....

- Well then, don't let me get hurt. It's not that difficult - he tried to put his hands on his waist but fumbled with the armor plates and staggered again

The elves could only accept. They groaned in disgust and surprising synchrony as they watched the walking disaster that was the prince's best friend.

Eva learned of Legolas' unstable temperament as soon as she saw the elves running around as if they had fire on their heels. Normally, this could only mean two things: Thranduil was having a bad day. Or Legolas was having a bad day. If the elves were throwing themselves out of the windows, it would be the third option: they were both having a bad day. The crown prince and the king had this annoying habit that if their day was bad, everyone else's day had to be worse.

The temperament of both members of royalty was the same and different at the same time.

King Thranduil was considered closed, serious and rigid. He loved to terrorize his advisors by arriving early at meetings just to make them panic for supposedly keeping the king waiting and took pleasure in giving very long sermons. He lived with an “I don't care why....?” expression on his face, which made no sense, since he did care about everything - the Elven King demanded to know every detail of what was going on in his court. He lived in a constant state of irritation and the reputation of his anger was known throughout the elven, human and even dwarven kingdoms.

Prince Legolas was considered more ironic than closed, more smiling than serious, and just as rigid. But mostly stable. While his father lived in a constant state of irritation, nothing seemed to be able to shake the prince, who faced everything with a charming smile and a shrug. He would enter a hurricane with an arched eyebrow and a slight snort. But when something irritated him...ah...well, you don't want to know. And this was one of those days.

But that was only at first sight. They were both loving and cared deeply about everyone. Not that that had any relevance at the moment...

Prince Lindus is the only mentally stable one in this family, honestly - thought an elf, running past with a handful of arrows in his arms

Meanwhile, Eva was making... plans. It had been a few days since she had seen her best friend, who was immersed in the endless duties of the kingdom, so Evalin decided that her first act on seeing him again would be to bring joy back to Legolas' face. Making him smile had always been one of her favorite pastimes; she loved to see his eyes sparkle, his lips pucker and his dimples appear when he smiled at her. The prince seemed to reserve this smile especially for Eva, because the beautiful dimples didn't always appear. But somehow they were always there in Evalin's company.

So she came up with a plan. She got some armor and a sword, put a helmet on her head and joined the ranks of those tense warriors waiting for the prince to appear.

The prince approached with his face closed and his fists clenched, issuing orders and more orders The charming smile that was always present was nowhere to be seen. After a marathon of difficult meetings, thousands of reports and countless patrols for days on end, Legolas Greenleaf had had enough. Completely fed up.

He had spent the days with a tight chest and had come home from the last patrol longing for.......thing he wanted... was... Evalin. His best friend. He wanted to wrap his arms around her slender waist and squeeze her, inhaling deeply her delicious scent of vanilla and magnolia; he wanted to curl up in her arms, snuggle his face into her neck and...and...He hadn't seen her for days. He missed her playful smile and her teasing; he missed seeing how her hips jerked slightly when she walked; how she squeezed her thighs together whenever he teased her; he missed all of her. It was normal to feel these things about your best friend, wasn't it? Probably not. Ah, Valar. He was doomed. That annoying elf would be his doom.

Legolas was deeply irritated. He was back from his patrol, surrounded by elves and none of them were Evalin. He felt like kissing... I mean, hugging, his best friend, but he couldn't even do that. So every elf that appeared in front of him only made him angrier and angrier. How could he see dozens of people and none of them be who he wanted them to be???? And he still had to supervise this damned training, listen to countless reports, attend an unbearable meeting at the war council and.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

He stopped in front of the perfectly positioned troops. Each elf was lined up to the millimeter and their armor shone so brightly that it hurt the eyes. Legolas looked at each of them with analytical and (extremely) critical eyes.

In the background, still out of the prince's sight, Evalin began to twirl her sword, or tried to, like a meddlesome warrior who knew she was dangerous. A completely disastrous scene, for the record. The sword fell to the ground with a crash.

Legolas' eyes flew in the direction of the sound. The elves around him shuddered and closed their eyes in despair. The prince frowned.

- That's it, throw down your weapons. The ranks of the Green Forest army will become exponentially emptier when each of you is trampled underfoot trying to pick up a sword that has fallen to the ground,” the prince scolded in a voice so cold that the snow on Caradhras melted

Evalin swallowed the chuckle stuck in her throat as she saw the soldiers stiffen even more after Legolas' rebuke, even if it was...well, entirely her fault.

- The next elf who drops his sword will lose his hand. After all, you don't need fingers if you can't do the basics of wrapping them around the handle. Is that clear?

- Yes, Commander,” the elves replied in unison. If Eva was paying attention, she could see the tremor in their voices, which they were trying to disguise at all costs so that Legolas wouldn't threaten to cut their vocal cords too

- Very well - Legolas continued, his gaze piercing - Shields!

Immediately, in one swift, fluid movement, all the elves took their shields off their backs and positioned them in front of their bodies in a perfect position. And of course Evalin didn't even manage to get hers off her back, even though hers was much lighter than everyone else's. She fumbled, stumbled and fell. She fumbled, staggered and gave a humiliated yelp as the steel of the shield caught in the straps, refusing to com
e out no matter how hard she pulled.
An elf, bless his heart (so the other elves thought) stood in front of her to try and prevent Legolas from noticing. But of course he did, attentive as he was. It was obvious that a single unit of disturbance in his perfectly aligned ranks would catch his attention. It didn't matter that it was a small, simple, tiny disturbance. The prince had the eyes of a lynx.

Evalin knew that if Legolas got too close, he would know it was her. It didn't matter that she was wearing a helmet, it didn't matter that her armor covered her entire body. Legolas knew her. Eva was sure that the prince had mapped her entire body, and not just her curves, but also the way she carried herself - the hand on her hip when she was jostled, the slight tilt of her chin when she was about to say something very irritating, the movement.

- In formation - the prince ordered with his eyes fixed on the spot where Eva was causing disorder

The elves drew out long spears, slammed the base hard into the ground and then pointed the sharp end forward. Those around the troublemaker strutted around her trying to protect her from the many very sharp points, getting in the way in the process because they all had the same idea at the same time. Evalin found herself trapped in a circle of anxious elves.

Legolas felt an uncomfortable sensation. Something was wrong. Apart from the fact that he wouldn't bring a clearly unfit soldier into the ranks like the one in front of him. He narrowed his eyes. Could it be... no. It couldn't be.

- That was pathetic. I had to wonder if they were all so eager to die in battle, throwing themselves on spears like that. I'd be ashamed to go to Mandos and tell them that I died in such a ridiculous way, so at least try to do it in a more dignified manner - he criticized in a voice so venomous that the poison from a snake's fangs was extinguished - Not to mention this ridiculous attempt at, what, a protective maneuver? They were going to impale their supposed protégé on their own spears with this desperation

An indignant shout was heard from inside the protective circle made by the elves. Legolas frowned. No... no... of course it wasn't. He wanted his friend so much that he was imagining things. That had to be it. Legolas looked up and let out a deep sigh, wondering what Evalin was doing right now. Was she reading a book? Which one? He would like her to tell him the story, he loved hearing her talk about the characters, always so beautiful and enchanted. Was she helping his father with the reception of his subjects? He liked that Thranduil trusted her and gave her such an important task, a big step for when Thranduil achieved the title of father-in-law with her e.... focus! Focus, Legolas!

Legolas closed his face. The elves groaned in despair.

- Follow orders, soldiers. I want nothing less than what I ordered. Return to the main formation

The elves obeyed instantly and shields and spears were stowed in their proper places in the armor.

- Start running.

And run they did. They knew what it meant. The prince sometimes did this to increase the elves' resistance (and punish them, of course). He made them run countless laps around the training ground carrying all the equipment until their bodies froze and their brains melted.

Evalin, on the other hand, began to trot. She took small steps, a short jog and then a slow trot. The dozens of running elves had to dodge, twist, turn and jump around the prince's insane friend. Many of them had to slow down and steady themselves so that they didn't end up falling over under the weight of their weapons, and this surprisingly didn't earn them a strong rebuke from Legolas. But why? The path they were running was circular, and Eva was running so slowly that she was strangely mixed in with the troop: there was always an elf by her side, since as soon as some of them reached the start of the field there were already dozens of others returning.
The elves considered it a stroke of luck. But of course the prince sometimes noticed, because as well as being extremely attentive, Evalin was extremely unfit for running, and for military service as a whole, bumping into everyone in her path.

Meanwhile, on Legolas' side, the view was different. He could clearly see that little stray elf who was slamming her shield into the others all the time. He hadn't taken his eyes off her from the start, no matter how hard the elves tried to hide it, so suspicious was he. Legolas still had the strange feeling that something was wrong. He didn't know what, but he knew it had something to do with that elf.

When the first elf collapsed, Legolas almost smiled, then remembered that he was dissatisfied and closed his face again. When the second, third and fourth fell, his lip almost stretched, which made him momentarily forget his discomfort. When the fifth, tenth, twenty-first, thirty-eighth and forty-sixth elves collapsed, his eyes frowned in satisfaction. And then, as he watched the seventeenth elf's path to the ground, he realized: that suspicious elf was still standing, just skirting the other elves on the ground.

- You will fight the elf immediately to your left,” declared Legolas, in a tone of voice so dry that the Enchanted River immediately ran dry. The elves on the ground trembled, groaned and almost cried - Swords in the right hand, and when the round is over, switch to the left. I want to see exemplary moves with both hands!

Evalin looked away. The elf who had just stopped running because of the prince's order also looked over... and saw her. Then he deliberately turned his face away from hers. His neck was red and his hands were shaking. Eva nudged him and he flinched.

- I can't, my lord! Commander! Your Highness! - he shouted, taking several steps away from Evalin. Legolas frowned, dissatisfied - I can't fight her under any circumstances! Please don't make me fight her. I beg you, my lord! Commander! Your Highness!
- She...? - Legolas' voice lowered as he looked away from the being in question

- Fighting her is tantamount to death,” said the elf, terrified. ‘Because fighting her means that you would kill us immediately and painfully.’ e.....

- Evalin? - the prince of the green forest's eyes widened. Had he thought so much about her that he had summoned her there? He didn't know whether to laugh, laugh hysterically or laugh angrily. Oh, that beautiful, inconsequential, gorgeous, crazy elf!

- How do you know it's me? - Eva huffed under her helmet, trying to grab the sword but failing miserably due to the weight of the blade. She asked just to complain, because she already knew that he would be able to recognize her

Legolas rushed over and picked up the sword, and when Eva reached out to take it back, he quickly turned away from the clueless elf. He handed it to some elf before Evalin could protest. The entire troop took the opportunity to take a few steps back.

- What do you think you're doing? - he practically shouted, and I could have sworn his left eye was twitching. But everyone present saw the prince's eyes light up and all his anger dissipate as soon as he recognized Evalin, in a quick and stunning change of mood. If before there had been storm clouds over his head, now there were swallows flying.

Evalin, busy trying and failing miserably to take off her helmet, didn't answer.

- Honestly - Legolas held her by the waist, steadied her and took the helmet off himself. He threw it on the ground and then slid his hand down the side of Eva's body, resting it on her hip. Too close to be considered casual, but still too far in his perception - Do you know how dangerous that was, you crazy elf?

- They gave me a dull blade, my stressed little prince - with a beaming smile she tossed her hair to one side in an attempt to tidy it up, hitting Legolas in the face in the process

- And yet! - he let Eva throw her hair in his face without complaint, and when she stopped he gently pushed the dark curls away from her face. His tense words contrasted with the softness of his touches. He checked Evalin obsessively for possible (and probable, considering the elf's insanity) injuries. Okay, and maybe also just admiring how beautiful Eva was. It was a scene worthy of erotic theater when the helmet came off Evalin's head and revealed the most beautiful face Legolas had ever seen

- You saw - he pointed at the elves - they flatly refused to fight me. Have you seen how dangerous I am?

- Dangerously insane! That's because, unlike you, they have sense and knew you could get hurt! I should have known it was you. I sensed it! I knew from the start that something was wrong and...

- Besides, it's your fault that I'm here,” Evalin interrupted. The only one with the courage to do that. Honestly, it wasn't even courage, because Thoronthur's daughter wasn't taking any chances with the prince. In fact, she had every possible permission with him.

- Mine? Tell me how it can be my fault,” said Legolas, dissatisfied. He tightened his fingers on Evalin's hip, still ignoring the fact that they were too close to be considered casual. He couldn't pull away even if he wanted to. And he was far from wanting to. Besides, she was nowhere near close enough.

- Well, you were there snorting with hatred, living up to the lineage of the house of Oropher. And I have to take care of you

- Oh, yeah?” Something ignited in Legolas' chest, and he was strangely excited by the news. He was dangerously close to giggling with excitement (and pride).

- Yeah. I can't let you down there. I have to look after my little prince

- And what are you going to do about it? - he asked in an impulse, his voice hoarse, slowly moving his fingers up from his hips to Evalin's waist. Without being able to remember that Evalin wasn't his. Without being able to remember that Evalin didn't belong to him. As much as he wanted to. As much as he dreamed of that face every night. As much as... Well, it was all best friends, that's for sure.

- I want my smile first

- My what?

- My smile. The one you reserve just for me. With the dimples

Legolas hadn't realized it until then, but apparently his body knew, because the muscles in his mouth moved before he was even aware that he was smiling. And there it was, a bright smile with the dimples showing. It was physically impossible for Legolas Thranduilion not to smile at Evalin Thorontuniel.

She had done it. They made Legolas smile again. Evalin put her hand to her chest, as if trying to contain the raging heart inside her - after all, it was for Legolas that it was beating.

She closed her eyes for a second and tried to focus, but all she could feel were the prince's fingers on her hip. He tried to remember that Legolas wasn't his. She tried to remember that Legolas didn't belong to her, no matter how much she wanted him to. As much as she dreamed of that face every night. But when he felt Legolas' lips gently touch his forehead in a soft kiss, he couldn't remember any of it. Only one thought remained in Evalin's head: mine.

- Come on. Let's go inside - Evalin grabbed Legolas' hand and entwined her fingers in his - I asked the kitchen staff to make that dish you like! No sweets, I know - she snorted, starting to chatter - You're strange! Who doesn't like sugar? A good chocolate sweet! Honestly, little prince, if I were your Ada, that would be grounds for exile

Legolas' smile continued and the joy practically poured out of him. That was the first of many smiles on the day Evalin Thorontuniel would bring Legolas Thranduilion.

Chapter Text

The sun was streaming in through the bedroom windows, its rays sneaking between the thin curtains in a completely deceptive tranquility, and even the birds were singing happily. Evalin could hear the sound of running water coming from the fountain in the garden under the bedroom balcony, she could hear the soft rustling of leaves in the wind... and the insistent throbbing in her temple. She opened her eyes slowly, sighing deeply, and for a fleeting moment she thought she was dreaming. She felt something warm next to her, a pleasant sensation. She tried to sit up, but something stopped her. An arm. Not hers. Because...

Because right there beside him - in the same bed, by the way, almost on the same pillow he was so close - was Legolas Greenleaf.

The crown prince of Greenwood. His little prince. The most annoying creature in all the elven kingdoms. But most of all...his best friend.

Ah, Valar.

His blond hair was intertwined with her dark strands, Legolas' large hand rested gently near Evalin's breasts, and the white linen sheets beneath their bodies were seductively disheveled.

Blinking several times and then some, she stared at that face of beauty more devastating than that of a Valar, her hair loose on the pillow like silk, and tried desperately... I don't know. Not to freak out? Legolas was on his back now and Eva could have a privileged view of his bare back, with his strong shoulders moving with each breath. He slept, beautiful and completely unaware of the complete chaos in his head. Evalin's fingers itched to touch him, to trace all his muscles, the layer of soft skin over the hard, strong muscles. Legolas had been training a lot and had been on patrols for a few years now, so his body was very well formed and...

Ah, Eru.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to control the mental chaos, the headache that was surely forbidden in six of the elven kingdoms, and the growing desire for his best friend. He failed miserably. Ah, Elbereth!

- Okay - she muttered to herself, sitting up slowly so as not to wake the prince who was miraculously still asleep - Let's recap

Last night, there was a great celebration in a forest clearing. A party of some sort that Thranduil liked to throw often just so he could wear even more jewelry than he already did in everyday life. Elven wine was served very, very, very generously, including several barrels of the king's famous and precious Dorwinion, as well as the rare special mead of Lothlórien. Evalin and Legolas, with easy access to indecent quantities of the finest liquor in Middle-earth, joked about who could hold the most bottles. Not glasses, bottles. Whole bottles. And then... the jokes turned into a bet. And then...?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

A grand, an incredible, a spectacular nothing.

Her mind was emptier than those bottles left behind.

- By Elbereth! - Eva whispered, reciting the names of the Valar she asked for help - Could it be... could it be that we...?

As if summoned by the Valar from embarrassment, Legolas opened his blue eyes. Very slowly. And stared. Very steadily.

- Good morning? - he said in a hoarse, drawn-out voice, trying to understand where he was. His eyes scanned the room lethargic, not recognizing those rooms, then returned to Evalin - Why are we in the same bed?

- Good question - Eva swallowed dryly.

An awkward silence followed. Oh, how wonderful, she thought wryly. The awkward silence stretched on for a few more awkward seconds until they both began to awkwardly speak at the same time. Legolas' eyes were so wide they looked like saucers, and Evalin was so hot with embarrassment that an egg could easily have been fried on her cheek.

- I don't remember anything! Nothing!

- Compassion!

- Do you remember anything? My head is all messed up! The last thing I remember is someone telling me not to mix Dorwinion with Lórien cherry mead!

- We...happened?

- Are you naked? Am I naked?

They both froze.

They stagnated.

They stopped.

Their gazes slowly and in unison dropped to the covers. An awkward pause. More silence.

- All right - Legolas said, trying to maintain the composure worthy of a prince. Even if this prince had drunk more than an alcoholic. By Valar, he had drunk more than his own father! Who was not known for being moderate with alcohol! - Let's find out in a civilized way. You look first

- What? Why me?

- Because I'm a prince - he said as if explaining everything - And you seem braver in the morning - he added

Evalin rolled her eyes, huffing, and clutched the covers with trembling fingers. Focus, Evalin Thorontuniel! Focus!

Legolas looked at Evalin's face. He was in disbelief at the turn that party had taken. By Elbereth's breasts! Even though he still didn't remember the turn of events in that ballroom, he remembered things from before he started drinking. He remembered staring at Evalin dancing, his younger brother beside him teasing him about it. He remembered being shocked, completely dumbfounded by how beautiful she looked. He remembered trembling hands and heavy breathing. And dancing, teasing and lips painted red... He smiled secretly, despite the shock. Despite the fear of shaking the best friendship he had.

Evalin took a deep breath and peeked at Legolas, only to find him already peering at her.

And there it was. The first sign that, maybe... just maybe... the first sign that this chaos could turn into something more. Because even though he was immersed in indecent levels of indecency, embarrassment and fear, after all, that elf was his best friend and Legolas would rather lose an arm than lose her, Legolas smiled. That smirk with the dimples, the special smile. He might not know it, or maybe he did, but that smile was only seen for or because of Evalin.

And then came the suspicion.

Something has changed.

Maybe it wasn't just the wine mixed with cherry mead and who knows what else.

Maybe it wasn't just the impulsiveness of youth.

Maybe it was something even more powerful.
Something like...feelings.

The daughter of the Greenwood High Councilor took another deep breath, slowly lifting the blanket. Then... she screamed. In desperation she raised her arms so quickly that the blankets flew away and revealed...

Evalin screamed once more, throwing herself to the side towards the floor. Legolas screamed, trying to hide parts that should not be seen with the pillow, a pillow that did not quite cover his elven glory projecting from his hips, I must say.

And Evalin saw. Had a glimpse. And blushed deeply. Furiously. Completely. And then looked again because, after all, she was no fool.

*Minutes of naked limbs accidentally showing and lots of red cheeks and discreet glances later*

The king's son and the high counselor's daughter, still extremely disoriented, stood up with all the (lack of) dignity they possessed.

Evalin, wrapped in a blanket as if it were a ball gown. Legolas, holding a pillow in front of his hips, with all possible princely pomp. His clothes were nowhere to be found, to the utter dismay of both.

- You know... - Legolas began, pulling the sheet to cover himself. Eva blinked, fixated on her best friend's shapely thighs - Should we... I don't know, talk about what happened?

- Or what didn't happen, maybe - Eva replied, nervously.

- What do we talk about now?

- I think we need to find out if...something actually happened.

- Question witnesses? Look for clues?

- You just want an excuse to play detective

- Of course. But also… — Legolas looked at Evalin with an amused glint in his eyes and a growing courage in his chest — maybe I'm waiting to find out that I kissed my best friend and liked it

Evalin didn't answer right away, her heart was beating wildly in her chest. Then she replied with a trembling but expectant smile:

- Then let us investigate, Lord Greenleaf. But I warn you: if we find out that you kissed... among other things... I may want to do it again.

- Noted - Legolas nodded, satisfied - The first rule of any investigation: crime scene - he adjusted the sheet on his shoulders as if he were a serious detective, but the little smile gave away how much he was loving all of this

- You called the room where we supposedly slept a “crime scene” - he muttered.

- With all the caution that the term demands - he replied, with false solemnity in his voice - Apparently, there may have been... kissing, inappropriate touching, bodies touching. Or - he raised an eyebrow - a moment of intense elven contemplation

- You just made this up

- Can you prove that I made it up? - he gave that special smile, with his beautiful dimples showing.

They looked around the room. The bed was unmade, so unmade that Evalin blushed just looking at it. There were also rose petals, peonies, gardenias, and small green leaves everywhere, two empty glasses on the floor, as well as an assortment of bottles, a pair of muddy boots, a destroyed harp (which no one remembered playing), an assortment of colorful pillows, a wreath of flowers hanging from the chandelier next to a pair of...panties. They vehemently ignored that last part.

- Okay… clues - Evalin approached the dresser next to the bed and opened it, investigating - Nothing here

Legolas walked around the room with the precision of someone tracking orcs in the forest, showing himself to be practically a professional in finding clues about the art of... getting involved with your best friend. He stopped, crouched down and took something out from under the bed.

- A sock

They both looked at each other.

- Mine? Well, better than the panties on the chandelier. Where's the other one?

Legolas looked thoughtful.

- Theory number one: you got hot and threw the sock away, then pulled me into bed to warm you up

- Why would I ask you to warm me up if I was hot?

Legolas ignored the intelligent question.

- I took off her other sock with my teeth and then hugged her dramatically under the light of the chandelier

- Dramatically? - Evalin laughed

- We are elves. We do nothing in moderation.

Evalin laughed so hard that she bent over, causing the blanket to slip slightly and revealing the top of her breasts. Legolas desperately closed his eyes. And then opened them slightly, as if he didn't want anything.

- Okay, let's organize this like we would organize a decent investigation - said Evalin, now using the blanket as a toga - First: we're naked

- Check - Legolas pretended to write down a list, simulating a pen with one hand while "writing" on the empty palm of the other.

- Second: we don't remember anything

- Double check

- Third: we may have done...things

Silence.

Legolas cleared his throat.

And it was at that moment that the door opened with a bang more epic than when Glorfindel killed the Balrog and in walked two imposing elves, one with his cloak flowing behind him dramatically and the other with his jewels shining dramatically (Legolas was right. Elves do nothing in moderation). Both with expressions that said: someone is going to die today. Legolas, in those seconds of lucidity before panic took over, was sure that it was Lindus, that little orc cub, who had been gossiping with their father. Spoiler: it wasn't. It was a father's intuition.

Let's look at the lords of homicidal intent:

Thoronthur, Evalin's father, chief royal advisor, master of diplomacy and an elf with eyebrows capable of making an orc confess to crimes he didn't commit. And look, orcs have already mastered the entire elven penal code.

And Thranduil, the King of Greenwood, Legolas' father, with his crown of branches (autumnal, this time. His Majesty matched the crown to the seasons) and air of "I possess ancient beauty and command the fury of the forests, bow down to me."

They both stopped.

They assessed the scene: Legolas naked under a sheet, Evalin disappearing under the blanket and a scent of Dorwinion wine and cherry mead circulating in the room. They would not comment on the destroyed harp, much less on the wreath of flowers and the... panties?... hanging from the chandelier.

The two young men were so terrified that they only mentally complained that their parents had not knocked on the door. Well, parents really do not respect their children's privacy and if they had knocked they would not have been able to make such a grand entrance. Legolas and Evalin exchanged a panicked look.

Thoronthur spoke first.

- Evalin...- his voice was calm. Too calm. Dangerously calm - Is there a rational explanation that involves this lack of clothes, lack of common sense and the complete lack of modesty of a certain prince and a certain lady for all this here? - he gestured carelessly

- Ada, I swear on every sacred leaf in Greenwood that I have no idea what’s going on! - she said, poking her head out from under the blanket, her eyes wide.

Thranduil sighed, placing a ringed hand to his forehead.

- Legolas... is there a reason we are dealing with this moral and diplomatic hangover this morning? The glade is in ruins. One of the casks of rare mead from Lórien has been set on fire. Elladan and Elrohir are unconscious, Glorfindel has been reduced to a babbling lump of elf, and Haldir is weeping over the ashes of the burning cask. And now I come here and find... another kind of fire... between you two.

- Ada, I swear that Evalin and I did nothing! Or... maybe we did? But if we did, I swear it was consensual and respectful and possibly interrupted by fainting? - Legolas said, uncertain and absolutely desperate.

- What's worse? - Thoronthur asked, looking at Thranduil - That they did something or that they don't remember anything?

- The worst part is that they are our children - said Thranduil in a fatalistic tone, as if he had the weight of a thousand irresponsible young people on his royal shoulders. He turned to the two young men - You two have a unique talent for destroying elven dignity in record time

******

*Ten minutes later*

Both were now dressed in clothes that a servant had brought, a servant who would have much to report in the Café e Gossip in the servants' wing, and sat side by side in the office, trying to look serious. And just a little alive. Legolas wore a light blue tunic that contrasted with his also blue eyes and gave him an air so innocent and angelic that anyone who looked at him would take his sins upon themselves. Evalin wore a lilac dress and had such a miserable expression on her face that even an orc would start to cry in pity for the suffering she showed. Thoronthur and Thranduil walked back and forth, talking to each other in accelerated Sindarin and mixing words in Quenya (as well as some curses in unidentified languages).

Evalin nudged Legolas.

- Do you think we should make up a story?

- I think we should ask for voluntary exile

- Do you think my father will kill me?

- Only if mine doesn't kill me first

- Do you think we'll be okay?

- We will survive. But be well? I think only after at least three ages

- Do you think...

- I don't want to think anymore

- Let's begin - Thranduil interrupted them, with a strange look and a tone of voice that made everyone feel guilty, even if they hadn't done anything - First, is there something you want to confess?

- We don't know how it happened! But I assure you it wasn't... intentional. I think - Evalin protested - How can I confess something I don't know?

- Unintentional? So nudity is part of royal protocol? Were they negotiating alliance treaties bound by their genitals?

Legolas and Evalin gasped in deep dismay.

- I saw you face orcs without blinking, my son. And now I see you... blush

- I'm not blushing! It's just the light! Besides, it was the mead. It was always the mead. - Legolas grumbled, looking at the ground. - So it wasn't necessarily our fault that we supposedly shamed generations of dead elves. I... drank too much.

-Me too - said Evalin, looking at Legolas’ boots.

- We already know that - Throrontur snorted - It was printed on every bottle scattered around that room. Do you remember anything relevant?

Evalin, now staring into space instead of Legolas' boots, said:

- I remember jokes. And laughing a lot. Then... a challenge. I think someone shouted "kiss already!" And then everything went up in smoke.

- And you... obeyed? - Thoronthur asked, frowning skeptically.

Deadly silence.

Legolas, now looking at nothing in particular, replied:

- I think so

Evalin, on impulse, turned to his friend

- Do you taste like pine?

- What? - Legolas asked, confused.

- Nothing. Forget it. Never mind. I don't even know why I said that - Evalin looked strangely embarrassed.

Thoronthur gave a strange look. Thranduil covered his face with his hands. The two young men continued:

- You suggested drinking every time someone said 'cup' - Evalin said, trying to distract Legolas from his previous statement.

- That's your doing, Evalin! I would never...

- Good morning, lovebirds! Did you sleep well? - said Galion, the most gossipy butler of all time, opening the door to Thranduil's office and entering armed with a tray of tea and some cakes.

- Galion! Do you know something? - Legolas asked anxiously, receiving a steaming cup in his hands.

- Yes, Galion, do you know something? - the king looked suspiciously at his butler - Did you see how it all happened?

- Not everything...just from the moment they started arguing about who had the brightest eyes and was most likely to drown, metaphorically speaking.

- By Yavanna - Evalin muttered, wanting to slap herself.

- Look, if it's of public interest, I have notes - Galion smiled suspiciously, handing a cup into the hands of a blushing Evalin and then taking a parchment from the inside pocket of his tunic - One of my favorite parts was when Evalin declared that Legolas was “too handsome to be just friends”

- Did I say that?! - Evalin shouted

- It was mutual - Galion replied, placing the empty tray on a table - Legolas also made the same statement

Legolas wished he would evaporate.

Evalin looked like a statue.

Thranduil surveyed the scene with deadly calm.

Thoronthur looked like someone in deep grief.

The mood was tense. Not in a “Sauron is going to destroy the world” kind of way, but more in a “I woke up naked next to my best friend and now I have to face a lecture from our parents while I try to remember how he… well… flexed his hips” kind of way.

- In addition, I have also received reports...of unusual behavior during yesterday's celebration - Galion, still with his suspicious little smile, casually arranged the tray with an expression that said "I know more than you would like" - and some witnesses said they heard "suspicious noises" coming from the West Wing, after two in the morning.

Evalin coughed.

Legolas' eyes widened.

Thranduil shivered.

Thoronthur almost fell.

- Owls! They must have been owls - Evalin tried to justify - Great owls...in...carnal combat?

- With giggles? - asked Galion

- Very happy owls

Silence. Deep. Shocking.

So Galion, helpful as always, decided to add more wood to a fire that already had very intense flames.

- Okay, young owls. When I was young, declarations happened all the time. But usually the people involved had the decency to wear pants the next day.

Before they could drown further in shame came the screams.

- Legolas Thranduilion!

- Evalin Thorontuniel!

These were Thranduil and Thorontur, respectively.

Legolas and Evalin drank the entire contents of their steaming cups in one go.

*****

*Many moments of deliberation later*

Thranduil turned, his robes rustling dramatically behind him.

- You two are grounded.

- How old do you think we are? — Evalin asked, arching her eyebrow.

- Just the right age to be out of your mind - Thranduil replied, arching his eyebrow back.

- Legolas will spend a month patrolling the enchanted river - added Thoronthur - At least if he falls into it he will lose the rest of his memory, including that ridiculous scene that took place a moment ago. And you, my daughter, will participate in twice as many administrative meetings for grain trade, also for a month.

- This is inhumane! — Legolas shouted.

“That is Elvish,” said Thranduil, imperious and merciless.

*****

Legolas and Evalin shook their heads like two teenagers caught cheating on an elven history test, not like two young men who had just entered adulthood. As they left the office, Legolas sighed as if he were carrying a warg on his back. He was lost in deep thought,
as someone who woke up naked with his best friend and still doesn't know if she saw his secret tattoo (spoiler: she did, an elven rune in a strategic place), would be.

- I'm officially dead inside

- It would be better if he was killed on the outside. We wouldn't have to deal with it.

- You're right.

- At least no one used the word "mating"

- Until now

Suddenly, a group of elves passed them in the hallway, giggling. They stopped to bow briefly to the prince, murmuring a happy "good morning, Your Highness, good morning, Lady Evalin" before continuing on their way with even more giggles, but Legolas heard a comment among them:

- They are entwined like two vines in love! It's so beautiful!

And they all nodded vehemently, casting glances over their shoulders.

Legolas whispered:

- I'm going to run away to Valinor

- Not without me. If I am to fall into eternal shame, let it be by your side - Eva declared, romantically.

- We just need to act naturally - Legolas said, walking beside his friend.

- That's it. Natural. Civilized. Two adults who definitely didn't wake up naked together this morning, without knowing what happened - Eva replied without moving her lips, with a tight smile.

- Exactly - he replied - You still have a twig in your hair

- What?! - he widened his eyes - Take it off, take it off now! I can't show up in the breakfast room looking like I rolled in the woods!

- Well... technically, we rolled around in bed. And maybe on the floor. But this twig came from the party in the forest - Legolas reached up and removed the twig from his friend's silky locks, and ignored the fact that his fingers trembled slightly as he did so.

- Legolas!

- Sorry

Unfortunately, Greenwood is a place where gossip travels faster than Legolas' arrows (The prince had been on patrol since before he came of age and was already a legend in archery, even as young as he was, he was already climbing the ranks in his father's army. Evalin boasted about this, as she was the one who had given Legolas his first bow and arrow as a child). If before the hall was calm and lethargic with an elven hangover, now it was more on fire than that barrel of mead in Lórien, due to the two young elves being found naked, hugging and drunk in some random room in the palace by their own parents. How embarrassing. How romantic. How horrible. How sexy!

The news spread like wildfire and there were many versions: some said that Legolas and Evalin were secretly engaged, others swore that they had been victims of a love curse, there were even those who believed that their parents had found them in the middle of an ancient elven ritual of spiritual union through mating (this word was used several times to the chagrin of both).

But spoiler: it was just alcohol. In excess. Very excessive.

The hall fell silent as soon as they entered (they didn't even know that silence could be so malicious). At the end of the table reserved for the royal family and their guests, Thranduil and Thoronthur whispered like two gossiping aunts. Glorfindel looked at the two who approached, full of seductive giggles. Haldir, if he hadn't been so exhausted, would have been laughing. And Galion, smiling like a mother who knew everything (and she definitely did) gave them a very long look.

- Did you sleep well, my prince and my lady? - he asked with a sweet tone that hid deep judgments.

- Not again, Galion - Legolas gave him a sharp look and sat down. Far from his usual place on his father's right. Evalin also fled from her place and isolated herself next to Legolas.

Haldir, looking haggard and with a cup in his hands, said:

- Hey, Prince! I loved the serenade with Evalin yesterday. It was lovely! You were so cute singing "Alas, I want to kiss my best friend"

- Next time, call me to participate - declared Glorfindel (and he wasn't talking about the serenade)

It would become an arena. Legolas and Evalin would be the emotional gladiators and would have to fight against the psychological beasts, played by the dozens of gossiping elves that surrounded them in the hall.

- Well, well, well... if it isn't the "pillow buddies" - a theatrical voice was heard at the long wooden table.

- Elladan - Legolas grumbled, his jaw clenched.

- Did you sleep well? - he asked, smiling at both of them - Or didn't you sleep?

- Shut up - Evalin threw a small bread roll at Elrond's son

- Oh, don't worry! Only Pengon, Laeriel, Larson, Miriel, and maybe half of Greenwood noticed your synchronized disappearance from the party - said Elrohir in an evil manner, next to his twin brother

- Did Las and Elin go out together yesterday? - Lindus, who had just arrived at the table accompanied by the nanny, asked in his small voice. Wearing his little yellow pajamas, barefoot and with the braids coming loose from his hair, he yawned and tried to climb onto his father's lap. Thranduil picked him up and sat him on his thighs, gently kissing the top of Lindus's golden head.

- Ignore those foolish elves, my little ray of sunshine - Thranduil murmured, tickling his little son. Lindus laughed.

- Ada! - he squirmed, trying to push her father's hands away - Yesterday I heard Legolas talking about Elin's breasts!

The table fell silent. The hall fell silent. The entire kingdom fell silent.

- It wasn't like that! - Legolas yelled - You little orc cub! - his younger brother glared - I was talking about Elbereth!

- Why were you talking about a Valar's breasts around a child? - Thranduil gave his eldest son a sharp look.

- It was an expression! A popular expression! And it was unintentional! - he tried to defend himself.

- And what do I have to do with this? - Evalin asked

- Nothing! - Legolas hurried.

- He was staring at you, Elin! - Lindus chuckled - Like a madman!

- I don't know why you're blushing, prince - Elladan thought it was a good idea to point out - If you've certainly seen everything Evalin has to offer and...

- Elladan Elrondion! - Thoronthur shouted - It is my daughter you are talking about

- I’m sorry, sir - Dan said, embarrassed but not sorry. Ro chuckled.

Lindus opened his mouth to say something, but his father quickly stuck a piece of fruit between his teeth to stop him.

Legolas and Evalin decided to ignore everything and everyone and pretend that the world was normal. But the world was not normal. At least not anymore. Because every time they looked at each other, vague and hazy memories began to buzz in their ears. A touch. A kiss. Breathless laughter. Bodies entwined.

Legolas looked away. He felt the sweat on the back of his neck. The butterflies in his stomach. And the desire to disappear.

Evalin, with the same thoughts and feelings, began to cut the bread with such delicacy that it seemed as if he were performing precision surgery (if that were the case, his patient would have been torn to pieces). Legolas, next to him, was motionless and his plate remained untouched. The only thing that moved in him was the muscle of his jaw.

- Aren't you going to eat, little prince? - he asked, trying to sound casual.

- I can't eat when I feel judged by 9,642 years of elven traditions - he said. Not to mention the butterflies in his stomach that he wouldn't mention...

- What an exaggeration!

- Glorfindel called me “Autumn Leaf Husband” when I passed him just now. He whispered. I heard it!

- Okay. Okay. Maybe a little judgmental.

Silence reigned once more. The only thing that could be heard was the clinking of glasses and the clattering of cutlery on plates.
Suddenly a memory came to Evalin's mind and she nearly choked. Legolas patted her back gently. Confused flashbacks came to her. Sensual whispers in the corner of the hall. Lips touching. Evalin kissing Legolas on the chin. Evalin falling on top of him in a pile of cushions.

- Legolas...I...remembered something

- Remember?! Speak up!

- Here? In the middle of everyone?

- We've already used up our quota of shame for the rest of eternity, Evalin.

Eva took a deep breath. She had two options: run to the enchanted lake and drown herself in it, because then she would lose the rest of her memory, or face the blond elf who, the night before, had done things to her that not even the books of Valinor mention.

- Since you want to discuss this in the presence of 112 elves judging our every word, so be it - he laughed - I remembered the moment before the kiss. You saying "This is going to be a terrible idea, but may the Valar forgive me, I can't stop looking at your mouth"

Thoronthur began to cough. Elladan and Elrohir hummed "hmmmm" at the same time, in a mischievous tone. Galion laughed in complete satisfaction.

- Did I... really say that? - Legolas asked.

- Yes. And he added: “If it is a mistake, it will be my favorite mistake.”

- By Valar!

- It's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed and...

- I'm very good at flirting! - Legolas seemed completely happy - Good to know that not even drinking can take away my irresistible charm

- Oh for the love of Eru - Evalin snorted

- So okay, we kind of...kissed. A confirmed topic - Legolas said, still with a satisfied smile on his lips.

- We did kiss - Evalin confirmed, scratching her head. - And may or may not I have said that you are... hot?

- Well, I really am

They looked at each other. For a second, they forgot about the embarrassment, the sheets, the laughter of the other elves scattered around the hall.

- Well... at least it was with my best friend - said Legolas, taking Evalin's hand under the table and squeezing it.

- Yeah, it would be worse to wake up next to Elladan. Or Elrohir. I would have instantly thrown myself out the window.

They both laughed, and suddenly, the atmosphere became... oddly comfortable. They still didn't know for sure everything that had happened at that party and later in that room, they didn't know if they had actually done everything the evidence indicated. But they would find out. And it wouldn't be long.

- In honor of friends who discovered the value of sharing a pillow... and perhaps a life! A toast to Legolas and his lovely... best friend - Elrohir raised his teacup, since wine had been forbidden that day

- So, let's toast! To the couple who denied it for decades, but finally gave in to the truth! May they continue to kiss in secret, or in public, I don't judge, and may they never again pretend to be just friends! - Elladan added, and raised his glass. The entire hall did the same.

Screams, applause, giggles. Celebrations.

Legolas and Evalin looked at each other. He raised his cup in defeat. So did she.

And they only thought of one thing:

“We need to find out what happened that night. Urgently.”

Well, Legolas and Evalin still haven't gotten together after this chaos. But...they took a very big step towards love.

Chapter Text

Thranduil was having an unusually peaceful morning. Strangely so, because tranquility was rare in his life. The sun streamed beautifully through the open windows, warming the office in a cozy way. Branches subtly wrapped around the window frames, as if reaching for the king seated comfortably in a red velvet armchair. Birds sang such beautiful melodies that Thranduil found himself nodding in time.

No one had come to bother him with important but infinitely boring documents. No one had come to pester him with political meetings that would last hours and hours, where he would have to feign completeness in front of his advisors, when inside he felt like throwing himself out the window. No one had come to irritate him with trivial matters that could be resolved by anyone other than himself, taking away the king's already very rare peace.

Galion was in the cellar, supposedly supervising the wine, but in practice he was definitely drinking. Thranduil could practically feel the Dorwinion leaving him. Thoronthur must have been with Galion, taking advantage of the moment to complain about all of Oropher's heirs. Lindus had gone to settle some treaties outside the palace, and Legolas was supervising the training of the elite soldiers.

There was no advisor, soldier, friend, or son nearby. May the Valar bless this miracle.

His royal majesty sighed deeply in satisfaction, snuggling deeper into the soft armchair. He raised his glass in the air in a toast to himself and smiled.

Thranduil enjoyed something very rare in his reign since becoming a father:

Ah, peace.

Ah, the silence.

Ah, the calm.

The elven king swirled the wine in his cup, took a sip, and closed his eyes, content to simply feel the sunlight on his face. Distracted as he was, wrapped in his cloak almost like a blanket, he didn't sense the storm about to descend upon his head and dramatically topple the crown of branches.

- Ada!

The door to the Elven King's office was flung open, a harbinger of chaos.

- Ada!

Thranduil remained with his eyes closed, muttering a prayer under his breath that this would be nothing more than a nightmare.

- Ada, we need to talk! - Legolas said, his voice full of theatricality.

The king slowly opened his eyes. Very slowly. Deliberately slowly, so unwilling was he to see his surroundings. And there, before him, stood Legolas, the exemplary son, unbeatable warrior, crown prince, skilled diplomat, married to Thoronthur's beautiful daughter, and...visibly panicked. His golden hair was still perfect, of course (Thranduil expected no less from his heir), but his chest rose and fell beneath his tight tunic in dramatic sighs, and his mouth was half-open as if about to pronounce a fatal sentence.

- Is Evalin hurt? - was the first question Thranduil asked.

- No - Legolas replied too loudly, as he rushed towards his father's table and threw himself dramatically into a chair.

- Lindus?

- No

- Did Thoronthur resign and go live in a hut with Radagast?

- No

- Galion poisoned my wine? - He looked suspiciously at the glass.

- Ada!

Legolas got up from where he was (dramatically) lying and walked around the table to lean (dramatically) on his father's shoulder, while sighing (dramatically) and twirling Thranduil's blond locks around his finger.

- Yes, of course, make me your backrest. I'm not even a respectable king, I'm just the back of a chair and...

Legolas, in response, only leaned more of his weight on his father's shoulder, provocative as he was, as he stared (dramatically) nowhere in particular, looking utterly desolate, hopeless, with an expression that carried all the weight of a personal tragedy.

The king reached out, trying to grab a document. Legolas blocked it with a careless wave of his hand and the most angelic expression on his face. He tried to grab a book and confirm some information. Legolas wouldn't let him, pushing his weight even further onto his father and bumping into his hands.

Thranduil, in a final act of strength, downed the rest of the wine in one gulp and prepared to fill the goblet. He reached out and— Legolas pushed the bottle away and sighed audibly again. Okay. Understood.

- Yes, ion nin? - Thranduil said, already feeling his temple begin to throb.

- Aaaaaaah, look, you realized that children need their parents' complete attention now, right? - sighed Legolas, again dramatically, his voice full of false, contained emotion - I was already feeling ignored, disowned, excluded, forgotten...

- Has anyone ever told you you're annoying? - Thranduil grumbled.

Legolas made such an innocent face, an expression of such purity, that even Thranduil, who knew perfectly well his son's history, almost believed that he had never done anything wrong in his life.

- Of course not, ada - Legolas said with that charming smile that disarmed anyone. Including Thranduil himself.

- Why don't you go and irritate your wife? You have one. Go to her. In fact...poor thing.

- Because Evalin might force me to sleep on the couch. And I can't sleep well away from her - Legolas said, as if it were obvious. - Now pay attention! For an elven king, you're quite distracted - he teased.

- Fatherhood does that to any elf. I should have sent you to Rivendell when I had the chance. Elrond already has twins; you would be the third twin, and no one would know the difference. The different eyes and hair are mere details, and...

Legolas gave him an amused look, as if confirming his earlier claim about his father being distracted. Thranduil snorted; somehow his impossible son was turning the tables on him, when it was Legolas himself who hadn't told him why he'd come!

- Legolas. Speak directly!

- I came here for a reason! - Legolas gave him a sharp look. Then he paused for a moment, as if to announce the end of time. - Something very important is about to happen, ada! - The crown prince, the powerful warrior, the skilled diplomat, now played with both hands in his father's hair.

Thranduil could already feel the headache coming on.

- Oh, really? - Thranduil turned his face slightly, trying to look at his son. But not too much, so as not to disturb Legolas by playing with his hair.

- And it cannot be postponed!

- What can't be postponed?

- I was training the elite soldiers when I realized it. I stopped right there! Without thinking twice, I turned my back on everyone and came running here. Oh, this matter is so important to me. To us!

- What?

- I was so completely shocked when I realized it.- Legolas pulled away from Thranduil's shoulders and carefully freed his hands from his blond locks. Then he sat (dramatically. Did I say dramatically?) on the table, resting his elbows on his thighs and his face in his hands, but not before making sure his father saw the expression of deep concern on his face, saw his eyes shining with sad agony. Every movement calculated to be shockingly beautiful.

Suspicious and in an attempt to get a quicker answer, Thranduil stared at his son with his sternest expression. It didn't work. It never worked. Not with Legolas. Legolas simply lifted his face from his hands and sighed, unleashing the full power of those blue eyes on his father.

- Stop sighing like a teenager and tell me now, spawn of Sauron.

- I'm your child, Ada. You should be careful with insults where you're insulting yourself.

- Annoying elf! - the king once again reached for the bottle of wine, but Legolas took it and extended his arm, placing the bottle away from his father - Sometimes I wonder what the advantages of fatherhood are

- As I was saying - said Legolas solemnly - I was in the training grounds.

- And where should I go back to?" Thranduil grumbled and gave him an icy look, even though it didn't work.

- As I was saying," Legolas repeated with a small smile, tossing his long blond hair behind his shoulders - I was in the training grounds when...

- I'm going to disinherit you

- You won't. You love me. Can I now tell you what I realized when I was in the training camps?

- If I hear "training camps" one more time, I will personally set the whole place on fire.

- That would just create another problem on top of what we already have, ada

- And what problem do we already have????

- Good...

- Are we at war? Should patrol plans be changed? New spider nest locations? More orc prisoners? Come on, tell me!

- Good...

- May the Valar have mercy on my poor soul. This must be some kind of divine punishment. What sin have I committed?

- Well... there in the training camps, training the elite soldiers, I realized that...

- Realized what, Legolas Thranduilion?

Legolas gestured vaguely in the air and rose from the table, skirting Thranduil on his way to the door. He stopped, lifted his chin imposingly as only a crown prince could, and looked his father in the eye. He tilted his head with that irritating charm he used whenever he wanted to escape a scolding, then smiled.

A slow, charming smile that made courtesans and warriors sigh.

- Oh, it was nothing. I just wanted to bother you. Good morning and good work, Ada.

And Legolas departed, leaving a stunned king behind. At the sound of the door closing, another thud could be heard: the impact of Thranduil's forehead hitting the table.