Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Numb.

Jake once felt it, back when he survived through a mission in Venezuela, one where he'd lost his legs. He had woken up laying on the hospital bed, unable to feel them, with the thought that it should have been painful—but he hadn't been able to feel anything other than the growing emptiness in his heart. Everything, not just his life, seemed to have ended that day, but life went on, with or without his leg... he needed to move on.

But that numbness couldn’t compare to the one he felt when he saw his brother's unconscious body.

His older brother lays still and peacefully in the casket. For a moment, he swears that his brother's chest is contracting.

“That's true, Tommy is sleeping, he will wake up and chide me for being careless like always.”

“Tommy will wake up…”

“He will…”

“He…”

But like every lie being told and every dream, he needs to wake up and face the truth eventually.

“Tommy is dead.”

The men in suits say something to him. About money, about big opportunities, about a great future. He would pay them some attention if he could hear what they say. But it felt so deafening. So exhausting.

“My brother died and all they care about is the money they’ll lose.”

What made Tommy different from Jake was that he had a great and bright future. PhD at 23 years old, and he was supposed to represent Earth in the Pandora research project. But a man shot him for the papers in his pocket a week before his scheduled departure.

“Tommy was kind, why couldn’t they ask, he would have given those papers gladly.”

The man in the suit is still talking, but he can’t tear his focus from his brother's dead body. They are going to cremate him. “Tommy wanted to be buried… He hated fire, he wouldn’t want to be burned.”

But Earth no longer has a place to bury a body.

Everything is polluted and barren.

“He would hate to be buried on this planet.”

Maybe that single reason is why Jake accepted that man's offer. Even though the numbness didn’t go away, even though they burned his brother's body in front of him, even though they gave him a bag filled with his brother's ashes, he accepted it with a shaky hand. Even though when he signed the work contract, his hand felt like giving up, he was determined.

“Tommy will go to Pandora, even if it is the last thing I do.”

If Jake thought seeing his brother being burned was the worst thing he could see, then he was wrong.

The aftermath is much more painful.

It always was…

Jake never likes his apartment. It’s small and cramped and reminds him of his childhood, something that he’s trying so hard to erase. But just like stains on clothes that cannot be washed that easily, no children can forget their childhood like turning their hands upside down. But sometimes, he dreams of what it feels like to have a different family and a different childhood.

He despises all of them.

Because none of them have Tommy in it.

But Tommy's apartment is much bigger than his. Usually, he goes there when he misses Tommy a little bit too much. But going back into that place with his brother ash on his hand is worse than going back to his cramped apartment. Jake took his time in that place; he could not afford to break down.

If that happens, then he will not go into Pandora.

Tommy will not reach Pandora.

And the thought of it hurts him more than his brother's forever-empty apartment.

Slowly, but surely, he goes into his older brother's rooms. His brother's rooms are decorated with many research papers and books. Pandora's poster and fun facts in hung on his wall, and for a while Jake feels peace when enters that room. Being reminded of how smart and wiser Tommy is compared to him.

He is afraid of looking down.

It will remind him.

His brother will no longer be sleeping in that room.

His brother will now forever be sleeping on the ground.

He averted his focus to his brother's table bed. In there, is placed a vase, a beautiful pot with carved and painted sea and its creature. Jake pushes himself closer to the vase, carefully holding the vase, as if the vase would break if he held it in the wrong way. With both the vase and his brother ash, Jake could no longer hold his emotion.

He cries.

Loudly, desperately, mournfully.

Once upon a time, Jake Sully had two older siblings, two older twins. Once upon a time, there were three Sully children, Elizabeth Sully, Thomas Sully, and Jacob Sully. Once upon a time, they were Jake's home.

But now, Jake lost everything.

His leg, his career, his pride, his life.

His siblings, his twins.

His home.

The day Elizabeth Sully died, is the day Jacob Sully lost half of his soul. And the day Thomas Sully died, is the day Jacob Sully died.

Jacob Sully is no more, leaving only an empty husk of what he used to be.

Loved, warm, and full of pride.

They say in Cryo you didn’t dream, but Jake dreamed. Dreaming of his two older twins, his protectors, and his home.

Elizabeth Sully is the oldest of three Sully twins. People say that she didn’t resemble either Jake or Tom despite being their twin. But if there is something that makes Liz like both Jake and Tom, in Jake's eyes, is her personality and brain.

Liz is similar to Jake in personality, headstrong, quick to anger, and a little bit emotionally unstable (she once said that Jake was too emotionally unstable back when he was young, but he grew up with it, she never does), but most importantly, fierce and loyal.

Temperamental.

But, despite the anger Jake has, Liz is also mature, wise, and smart, just like how Tom is. If Jake was Jarhead, Tom was Egghead, then Liz will be in the middle of it. And Jake couldn’t ask for another version of Liz to exist.

Thomas Sully, the second oldest, the middle twin. Contrary to popular belief, Tom didn’t get ignored by their parents at all.

If you can call what their parents do as raising children.

If Lizzie smart but fierce, then Tom is smart and cold. Smart, wise, and mature, but able to control his emotions, and know how to use his knowledge to solve problems.

Manipulative.

That’s how Thomas Sully is.

Compared to Liz, people say that both Jake and Tom are similar, but for Jake, Tom and Liz are a lot more similar compared to him and Tom.

He never said that. He was afraid of being left alone.

Growing up, they didn’t have much. Their parents are more interested in drugs and yelling at each other to provide for three of them. Sometimes Jake wonders why they have kids if they end up abandoning their children.

But maybe it is simply because of him. Because of how emotionally unstable he is when growing up, making his parents afraid and blaming each other.

While Jake spent his childhood melancholic about his parents’ behaviors and choices, Elizabeth Sully didn’t have the privileges. For as long as Jake can remember, he never wakes up with Liz beside him, it is always Tom who stays beside him.

Tommy, who already woke up but still secured Jake protectively with his arms, glared at their bedroom door as if something bad would happen.

One day he will know that both Lizzie and Tommy have designated sleep time where one will sleep and the other will stay awake to guard the door.

Every time he asked Tommy, “Where is Lizzie?” Tommy will answer him with the same answer, “Preparing breakfast.”

Jake isn’t stupid, he knows that Lizzie wakes up early to steal food at local grocery stores or even at people's baskets when they aren’t looking.

Where else will we get food?

But he never complains, food is hard to get, so even if Lizzie needs to kill to get food, Jake will never complain. But there will be times when he wakes up, afraid that Tom will leave him and Lizzie won’t come back from getting their food. It never happened, and Jake thanked his lucky stars for that.

Hasn’t happened… It will happen when Jake is much older and he is unable to stop it.

Growing up with those conditions is not easy, but Jake is grateful for all of it. He didn’t need a big house with a big bed and a lot of food, as long as he had both Lizzie and Tommy, then everything was okay in the end. The world can play a cruel joke and kick them down if the world wants to, but, as long as they’re together, then everything will be alright in the end.

But the hardest part of growing part is not the part where his sister needs to steal so they can at least eat something, nor the fact that his twins need to keep their defense 24/7 in case their parents break into their room and decide they’re worth their time. Neither the fact that the three of them are sleeping in the same singular bed, that they have to cram their body to fit in.

But it was their status.

Lizzie and Tommy are the same but at the same time different in many aspects. Both Lizzie and Tommy love the earth, but while Lizzie loves the sea, Tommy loves the ground. Both of them excel in Biology, but Lizzie excels in human anatomy, while Tommy excels in plant anatomy.

Both of them are prodigies and geniuses.

Jake is neither of those things.

It is a fact that Jake cannot change no matter how hard he tries to, no matter how hard he’s trying to study to chase both Lizzie and Tommy, he still falls far behind. Both Tommy and Lizzie got scholarships to the best universities out there.

They almost reject it because of Jake.

It took weeks of begging and reasoning for them to accept the scholarship, and they only accepted it when the government would let Jake live with both of them.

Sometimes Jake feels like a burden when they do all of that.

But Jake is selfish.

So he stayed with his twin, no matter what other people say.

Sully sticks together after all.

Then everything crashed down. It feels like fate got tired of playing their usual game and decided to torture Jake even more.

Jake remembers the heat, the inability to move his body, the tears and screams that cannot escape his body, the screaming of panics of people beside him, the way his older brother hugs him and shields his line of vision. How his brother's whole body is shaken but forced to steady itself for Jake's sake.

Elizabeth Sully died at the tender age of 17 years old.

Died inside of a building fire.

Jake feels like every single fear when he was a little boy is coming back. Elizabeth, someone who he once thought invincible, died because of fire, something that both she and Tommy hate.

If Jake thought seeing his sister being burned alive was bad, then the aftermath is worse.

They found her body, mainly burnt, but still breathing. No one knows how she can survive a building fire, but her survival is temporary.

She smiles for the last time when she sees that both Tom and Jake are safe.

She leaves the world when she knows that they’re safe.

She endured the pain of being burnt alive, her greatest fear, just to ensure both her younger twin was safe.

And the thought of that ripped Jake apart.

Jake knows that he is supposed to learn from the past, that people only value someone because of something that they possess. In terms of Liz and Tom, it was their knowledge and wisdom. He heard that Lizzie is one of the main reasons why the recent Na’vi avatars are stable. So when Lizzie died, every single Pandora representative, even scientists who weren’t involved in that planet project, was freaked out.

They love Lizzie for her knowledge, not because she’s Elizabeth Sully.

Knowing that fact didn’t make it easier at Lizzie's funeral. When everyone talked about how it was a shame that Lizzie died without leaving how to stabilize the avatar's body. That Lizzie leaves the world without leaving behind her knowledge.

Jake never wanted to murder someone that badly before.

But Lizzie will hate him, so he holds everything.

Even the anger and bitterness he felt.

Maybe it’s the pent-up anger and bitterness that made him join the marine, so he can fight and murder someone without Lizzie hating his guts. Because it was his duty to do it, even though he knew, deep down, why he joined the marine in the first place.

He wanted to see Lizzie again.

Maybe it was the reason why Tommy let him join the Marines. Despite Tommy's hatred towards those people, Tommy's love for Jake is bigger than his hate. And it is probably the biggest reason why Tommy's death hits Jake the hardest, more hard than Lizzie's death. Because it’s a reminder of how Tommy and Lizzie will support him no matter what path he takes, even the one that they hate with all of their heart.

And a reminder that Jake lost everything that day.

If Lizzie's death teaches him something, then it is that people will mourn you not because you’re gone, but because you’re no longer useful for them.

But even knowing about that fact didn’t make it easier at Tommy's funeral. They keep talking about his achievement, how it was a shame that he left the world without leaving his knowledge behind.

It was the same.

It was never about Lizzie and Tommy.

It was about Elizabeth and Thomas Sully.

And that facts make him hated the world even more.

That no one loves his twins for who they are, but for what they achieve.

They said that in Cryo everything feels like a blink of an eye, but for Jake, it feels like his whole life. Maybe because they aren’t supposed to dream, but Jake is dreaming. Dreaming of his past, dreaming of both of his twins.

Just like how both of them protected and cherished Jake's dream and path of life, it was Jake's time to repay their kindness.

He will bury both of his twins in their dream planet, in Pandora, even if that is the last thing he does.

Even if he died trying.

Chapter Text

“Are we there?”

“We’re there, Sunshine.”

Waking up after 6 years in cryo is an unpleasant experience, Jake couldn’t understand why people can get used to it. But again, it is supposed to feel like a blink of an eye, not your whole life flashed before your life.

Maybe the fates told him that Tommy should’ve been the one doing it instead of Jake. That he stole his brother's fate.

Maybe the fates told him that the one who should’ve survived was Tommy, not him.

With the grim thoughts staining his brain, Jake glided to the lockers across the aisle, his paralyzed legs not an impediment in weightlessness. Before opening his locker, something catches his attention. Stopping him completely.

The name on the locker.

Sully, T.

With attentiveness, he caresses the name.

“I will make you and Lizzie proud, Tommy.”

With the determination and promises he made to his family; Jake Sully started his journey.

If people asked Jake when he was young, “What do you think about the forest?” Then he will answer you with, “They’re green.” But now, Jake started to feel overwhelmed by how big, wide, and luscious the pandora forest is.

“Does the earth look like this back then?”

Jake once read a book, about the forest in the earth at its prime, Tommy loves that book. The forest is described and pictured as filled to the brim with the color` green. But here in Pandora, the trees are alien, the color too cyan. There are waterfalls, rivers, and distant flocks of winged creatures. It puts Jake in amazement, he wonders if the scientist can recreate those winged creatures.

“Tch, they didn’t respect the creature’s life at all, such a pathetic being.”

Suddenly, his oldest sister's words replay in his mind.

He was sleeping on Tommy's chest when that conversation happened. His older twins are discussing something while watching his favorite movie, Jurassic Park.

“You know our rule, Lizzie, we don’t critique the stupid movie when Jakey is around us,” he heard Tommy say, voice calm as ever.

“Jakey is asleep, we can critique it but quietly,” she answers back, not quietly like she suggested.

Jake knows for the longest time ever that both of his twins hated his favorite movie. But he appreciates how they refrain from criticizing the movie when he was around. Lizzie and Tommy, despite being geniuses like people said, have big hearts. They didn’t like seeing someone or something in pain, so they always refrained from using test subjects if they could.

And despite what people think of scientists, Lizzie and Tommy hated DNA duplication, not that Jake can blame them for it. Recreating and creating something that should’ve never been created left a bitter taste in their mouth. And Jake appreciates both his twins for that.

“They only recreating those creatures again for tourism purposes, for their ego, not because they wanted the earth to be a better place,” grunted Lizzie. Tommy only hummed back, gaze fixated on the screen, “If they wanted the earth to be a better place, they wouldn’t recreate those creatures back. Natural selection is a bitch, but it was there because of a reason,” he said.

“Not counting the fact that there are some species that died because of human egoism, simply because they wanted to create some stupid clothes.”

“Or because they wanted to create an exhibition.”

“Pfft- don’t remind me.”

Suddenly, they stopped talking out of nowhere. Jake wanted to ask why they stopped talking, but he knew that they would not answer him. “Do you think that- “

“Exopacks on!”

The voice of the crew chief awoken Jake from his stupor. Quickly, he dons his EXO-PACK breathing gear with practiced moves. With exo-pack breathing gear on, he moves on to trying to figure out the straps.

“Remember people, you lose your mask you’re unconscious in 20 seconds and you’re dead in four minutes. Let’s nobody be dead today; it looks bad on my report.”

“Told you they only care about their reputation.”

This time, his brother's voice replays in his mind. Sadly, this time, he cannot linger on his feelings and memories for too long. He needed to be ready. Pandora is dangerous, it will kill him.

“Or will it save you?”

“Huh?!”

The chief barked again before Jake could fully register what happened to him. “Exopack on, let’s go! Go directly into the base! Go straight inside! Do not stop!”

Immediately, everybody except Jake jogs across the exposed apron toward a walkway covered in chainlink which leads to the complex. “Look at all that new meat.” Jake heard a voice from far away.

“Let’s go, special case! Do not make me wait for you!'' the chief said as Jake, slowly, rolls down the ramp.

“Check it out, man. Meals on wheels.”

“That is just wrong.”

Without caring for their words, Jake looks around A huge tractor, taller than a house, roars past on muddy wheels. He notices something sticking in the tires - arrows. The neolithic weapons are jarring amid all the advanced technology. “Those arrows…”

“Jakey? What are you doing?” asked one of his twins, he forgot which one, a little bit too focused on something.

“Colouring my arrows!!” he answers back proudly, showing the arrows, he just finished coloring. The arrows have a bright red and yellow color, in harmony with the pride radiance from his expression.

“Oh!! Such cool arrows you have right there, Jakey!! But if I may ask…” they quitted down, stroking the arrows he painted, especially the painted parts, “why red and yellow?”

With a wide grin on his face, he answered back proudly, “Because it was the colors of- “

“Toruk, the Last Shadow.”

Truth be told, Jake hardly remembers his childhood, he only remembers the important aspect and a tad bit of his childhood. Such as how Lizzie stole food for the three of them, how Tommy is always beside him when his parents act up, and how protective both Lizzie and Tommy are towards him. Other than those important aspects, he is having a hard time remembering stuff.

People said it because of trauma, it was a bluff for Jake. He remembers his parents’ argument and drunken state, he remembers when his parents hit him. He remembers when Lizzie fights his parents because they hurt him, and he remembers when social workers tried to take him away from Tommy and Lizzie. He remembers crying and hurting himself, badly, because he’s taken away from Tommy and Lizzie.

He remembers many things but also doesn’t remember many things. There are a lot of things he forgets rather than he remembers. But if there is something that he remembers clearly, the same if not more than he remembers his siblings, is a voice.

A woman's voice, teaching him a lot of things.

That voice teaches him about the forest, about life, about creatures big and small. Teaching him how to hunt, teaching him how to heal… teaching him about a culture… teaching him about a language. It was an unknown culture and language. When he told his friends about what he learned, they laughed and mocked him.

He remembered punching them.

He, however, didn’t remember what happened after that. Lizzie and Tommy didn’t tell him anything, they only smiled and bandaged his wounds. Later he found out that Lizzie and Tommy put them in the hospital. They asked him, what made him act up, he explained what happened and they only smiled and heard him patiently. They didn’t mock him, didn’t scold and insult him, and he loves both for that.

Once, he told them about a creature, big and mighty, feared and respected by many but loved by the voice that teaches him a lot of things. “They’re named Toruk!! Last Shadow!” he cheered loudly and brightly.

Years later, he found out that Toruk does have a name in human terms. Humans called them Great Leonopteryx.

“It’s ugly,” he vented, clearly in disagreement with the name.

“Well, Toruk is beautiful, but people prefer English rather than an unknown language Jakey,” Lizzie explained, trying to calm him down.

“But Toruk sounds like someone are singing!” he argued back. Deep down, he knows Lizzie is right, she always does. But there is something that makes him unable to back down. Lizzie didn’t argue further, knows it’s useless when he sets his mind on something. “Maybe in the future, there will be people who will call it Toruk alongside you,” she spoke quietly, somberly.

“Alongside us!” he cheered.

“Yes… alongside us.”

K-KRASH!

Suddenly something smashed against the chain link right next to his head, snapping him from the trip from memories lane. A vicious aerial predator a meter across gnashes glass fangs against the steel. It stabs at him through the chain link with a tail ending in a glistening stiletto.

“A…riti?” he said questionably.

But before he can analyze the predator in front of him, someone, Wainfleet, blasts the predator with his pistol. It drops off the fence, tail still lashing. Sudden waves of sadness engulf him, “YOU DON’T NEED TO SHOOT HIM!!” he will yell those words if he can. Sadly, he cannot, it will ruin his chance in this world.

He needed the chance.

His twin needed to be buried.

“Seen a lotta guys leave this place in a wheelchair. Never seen anybody show up in one,” Wainfleet sneered. Jake ignores his words, fixated on the riti in front of him. Staring at the gnashing fangs of the dying creature.

“Oeru txoa livu, ma oeyä tsmukan. Hu nawma sa'nok tivul ngeyä tirea. Oeru txoa livu.”

Forgive me, my brother. May your spirit run with the Great Mother. Forgive me.

“Come on, you will be late for your date,” Wainfleet sneered once again. This time, Jake looks at him, he can see how Wainfleet flinched when he looks at him, “Fuck you.” And with that, he went inside.

Inside, there’s a man, whose hair is clipped short. The scalp is etched by long parallel scars where some Pandoran denizen’s claws raked across it. The bare arms, below tightly rolled sleeves, seem hewn out of some hard tropical wood. Criss-crossed by scars. The man raises his masked face to look at the sky. His eyes are an icy steel gray.

Without his mask, the man's features are rugged and handsome, except for the scar, which runs from the scalp to the jaw down one side of his face. On one hip he carries a very large pistol.

“You are not in Kansas anymore, you are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen. Respect that fact every second of every day.”

Jake rolls in, only hearing the last part of the man's sentence. He knows that man – Miles Quaritch - the head of security for the Hell’s Gate colony. How does he know that man despite only coming here? Easy, Lizzie – Tommy too, but he will deflect the accusations – hated that man with passion.

Jake couldn’t blame two of them – he could never do that – Miles Quaritch is a missionary, the kind of person he also hates. So, no matter how much Jake wanted to punch that man in his face, he simply couldn’t if he wanted to stay in the operation.

“Out beyond that fence every living thing that crawls, flies or squats in the mud wants to kill you and eat your eyes for juju bees.”

Immediately the room went silent, as if the atmosphere and temperature dropped drastically. If he thought he would not hate the man, then he was quickly proven wrong. What’s up with his way of talking? Why does he sound like some kind of cheap super-villain? No wonder Lizzie and Tommy hated him.

“We have an indigenous population of humanoids here called the Na’vi. They’re fond of arrows dipped in a neurotoxin that can stop your heart in one minute. We operate – we live – at a constant threat condition yellow.”

Listening to what Quaritch saying makes Jake feel antsy. Okay fine, their arrows can kill you instantly, it’s scary, but they only trying to protect their home. Lizzie and Tommy were right for hating him.

“Be careful of him.”

Once again that voice is back. The same voice that nurtures him growing up, teaching him a lot of things. The voice – just like Tommy and Lizzie – is usually right about a lot of things. So, if Jake needed to be careful with Quaritch, then he would be a bigger threat in the future.

Despite talking like a cartoonish supervillain.

The rest of the meeting went smoothly, if you called what Jake was doing – didn’t pay any attention to Quaritch – was smooth, then yes, it went smoothly. Jake proceeds to push himself, searching for the room he is supposed to be in.

“Hey! Jake!” a voice called.

Jake turns his head to find an eager young xenoanthropologist, staggering under an overpacked duffel, running to catch up to him. “Norm! Long time no see!” Jake yelled back, happy to see at least one familiar face in the sea of strangers.

Norm Spellman, Tom Sully's best friend, is the same friend who went to the avatar training program alongside Tom. Sometimes, Norm would visit Tom when Jake stays at his apartment, that’s how they know each other. “How are you? Are you fine after…” he asked, clearly in despair for having to ask that.

Jake didn’t mind the question, he was just unable to answer it. He wanted to be alright so badly, to just move on and go along with the flow of life. But unlike his legs, Tommy is his last living relative, the last one he can call home.

Losing Tommy feels like he is losing everything.

Sensing Jake's grief, Norm does what every person does to comfort someone, he gives Jake a pat on his back – knowing that Jake would react badly if he hugged him – and comforts him. “I’m sorry… he was a great guy – fun to be around…” he grieved, and for a while Jake felt hopeless again.

“I… missed him…”

“I know, I know,” he whispered, patting Jake back, “I have many videos of us doing training together. The mistakes he makes, the chaos he created because he was bored. Trust me, he once dropped painted water and made our supervisor slip, and said to the supervisor ‘Oops, my bad, I didn’t know it was an acid, should’ve been more careful next time’ and made the supervisor run in panic into the medical bay.”

Hearing that makes Jake laugh, “So at the end of the day, Tommy is a Sully! A troublemaker!”

“Yup! He is!” Norm giggled back at Jake's loud laugh, happy that he made his best friend's brother happy. “Come on, we have a meeting to attend, I will give the videos once we are done with it.”

“Thank you so much Norm! You’re the best!”

“Anything for my best friend brother!”

Chapter Text

To be honest, Jake – like both Liz and Tom – favorite school subject is biology. If Lizzie loves humans, Tommy loves plants, then Jakey loves animals. So, coming into the bio-lab and seeing the avatars for the first time in real life amazed him. “THEY LOOKS LIKE CATS!” he shouted – a little bit too, fine, too loud – for people's enjoyment, making some of them flinched at his voice.

Scientists around him give him side-eye and practically glare at him, but he pays no mind to them. In front of him stands the Amnio Tank, and inside the tank, there is a figure floating languidly inside, which looks like a man. An exceptionally large, very blue, man. The man has a lemur-like tail. The skin is cyan-blue. Long black hair drifts, graceful as seaweed.

“They also got big,” he noted.

The last time he sees those avatars is before his departure to Pandora, they are still kids when he last sees them. So, seeing them already so big amazed him.

“Yeah, they mature on our trip out,” Norm replied, already accustomed to Jake's child-like wonder. “So, the proprioceptive sims worked pretty well,” he added – not for Jake, but for a man that stand beside him.

He’s Max Cullimore, a scientist who supervises the uncarting of two shipping containers when they come into the bio-lab. “Yeah, they’ve got great muscle tone. Give us a few hours, you guys can take them for a spin.”

Jake watches the blue figure in front of him, the figure's sleeping face turns toward him, and the features are – despite feline ears and a long feral snout – Tom’s.

“It looks like him,” he whispered, putting his hand against the tank glass, wanting to touch his brother's face. To feel the warmth of his brother's body again. To be reassured that everything going to be all right.

Norm patted him once again, reassuringly, “Yeah… just like him.”

“I missed him,” he admitted, once again – will always do.

“I know… I am sorry,” Norm answered back, once again – will always do.

“Grace Augustine is a legend. She's the head of the Avatar Program, and she wrote the book – I mean literally wrote the book – on Pandoran botany,” Norm explained enthusiastically. Jake only nodded and smiled. He already heard it millions of times from Tommy – and to think Norm saying the same thing as his twin, “Grace Augustine must be a legend for making two scientists say the same thing about her.”

“That just explains how great she is!!”

They just finished with video logging when Max said that they must meet Grace Augustine – Jake and Norm's boss for the next five years. Jake didn’t even bother with the video log, saying what he feels is difficult – not that he can understand his feelings that well and put it into words – and usually it was Lizzie and Tommy that explained his feelings to people.

In the end, he can say with confidence, that video logs, are not for him.

So, now here they are, Norm and Jake – led by Max into the link room – waiting for Grace. “That's because she likes plants better than people,” Max whispered back to Norm's statement about Grace.

Now Jake could see why Tom adores Grace and Liz has mixed feelings about her.

Minutes passed and Jake could finally see Grace sitting up in her link, stretching and cracking her neck after a long session. She’s fifty, with a strong face and fiercely intelligent eyes.

“Who’s got my goddamn cigarette?!” she yelled, making a tech scurry to bring it to her, already lit.

Tommy's preference and Lizzie's personality? How neat! Jake thought as he watched Grace with fondness. I need to make a good first impression, for Tommy!!

Easier said than done, because he can see how she scowls, as he, Norm, and Max approach. “And here she is, Cinderella back from the ball,” Max announced, “Grace, I would like you to meet Norm Spellman,” he said while introducing Norm, “and Ja- “

Grace cuts him before he finishes introducing Jake. Jake could only grin brighter, Yup! Lizzie!

“Norm. I hear good things about you. How's your Na'vi?” she asked.

“'Awvea ultxari ohengeyä, Nawma Sa'nok lrrtok siveiyi.”
Hearing Norm saying that widen Jake’s eyes. He knows that language, he has heard that language. It was the language that the voice taught him when he was young. It was the language that made his friend laugh and mock him. “It was Na’vi all along…” he whispers, barely containing his excitement.

He finally found them, people who talk his language.

People will finally understand him.

“Tsun tivam. Aylì'u ngian nì'it skepek lu,” Grace answered him.

“Zìsìt amrr ftolia ohe, slä zene fko nivume nìtxan.”

“Norm is saying ‘may the Great Mother smile upon our first meeting’ and Grace answers him with ‘Not bad. You still sound a bit too formal, though.’ And finally, Norm answers her back with ‘I studied for five years but there is much to learn.’,” Max explained patiently to him, probably pitying him for not understanding what they were saying.

Jake is grateful for that.

Max tries again to introduce Jake to Grace, “Uh, Grace, this is Jake S- “

“Yeah, yeah, I know who you are, and I don’t need you. I need your brother,” Grace snapped while turning to see Jake. She snapped again, but this time at Max, “You know – the PhD who trained three years for this mission.”

“He’s here with me though,” Jake said, sombrely.

“What?”

Slowly, Jake takes out a wooden box, carved with many of his brother’s favorite plants. Without looking at Grace and focusing his gaze on the box. He holds it gently, but he can see how his hands tremble – badly – while holding the said box. “Dr. Grace… meet my older brother, Thomas Sully.”

He didn’t know what happened next, because the next thing he knew was the red hair doctor already left the room. He can see the guilty expression on Max’s face and how Norm refuses to see the box. With the same gentleness, he puts back his brother's box in the respective place – right beside his sister's vase.

“Don’t worry, Grace is not angry at you, she’s probably angry at the upper-ups.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course! Her personality matches Lizzie!!”

After an awkward first introduction – on Jake's part of course – Max let them go back to their room for their bright first day tomorrow.

Waking up for the bright first day is easy for Jake, but preparing for it is not easy at all. “I want to take both of you, but if I do, I’m afraid those scientists will take both of you from me,” he admitted towards the box and the vase in front of him. “What if they’re not careful and suddenly drop both of you? What if instead of being buried, they accidentally scatter both of you in bio-lab and dump you in the trash can for messing the room?!”

He knows it’s not possible, but his paranoia doesn’t let those thoughts go away.

“For now, I will let both of you in my room, I’ll try to bring you guys for the next time – if they let me and I can of course!”

“I will come back…” he whispered, as he hugged the ash of his beloved twin for the last time before going away.

In the link room, Grace, Norm, and Jake approach their link units. Jake could hear Norm and Grace talking about something, but he could not focus on it. The reason? He’s too focused on glancing through a pressure window. He can see his and Norm’s avatar in an adjoining chamber lying on a gurney, breathing slowly in pandoran air. Both are attended by med techs in exo-masks.

“Jake! I’m going in!” yelled Norm, when Jake turned his head, he could see Norm slip into his link chair, expertly donning biometric sensors.

“Okay! Be careful!” he yelled back. Norm gives him a thumbs-up for that.

Once again, he can hear Grace and Norm talking, and once again, he’s too focused on another thing to pay attention to their conversations. He proceeds to push himself into his link chair. “Woah…” he exclaimed, in awe of the texture of the link chair.

“I’m sorry,” a voice said.

Jake turns his head to find Grace Augustine standing behind him, looking at him with a frown on her face. “Why?” he asked back.

“For being angry at you… for making you do what you do… Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I guess…” Looking at Grace, Jake can see his sister in her, and no matter what Lizzie does, Jake does not have the heart to be angry at Lizzie. Maybe it extended to people who acted like her… like them.

“Your plans are ruined and you’re angry, it was a normal reaction. My sister is the same. She will make a meticulous plan about something, then, it will be ruined – whether by me, my brother, or the force of nature itself. She always ended up angry when that happened, at me… at my brother… before quickly retreated and apologized.”

“That doesn’t seem healthy.”

“No, it doesn’t. But when you grow up with her being the sole reason you can eat something, you will love her no matter what mistake she ends up making.”

Grace – who worked with children for years – can see how deeply Jake Sully is hurting. Children have different coping mechanisms as they grow up, and Jake seems to develop a deep attachment towards his twins. It probably seems like it’s not that bad, but judging by how empty his gaze is, and how he acts towards his brother's avatar.

He’s in the middle of the withdrawal.

The scientist proceeds to open the hood for the ex-marine link unit.

“Does Tom teach you some Na’vi?” Grace asked, no longer wanting to indulge in the grim topic.

Grace can see how the light in the ex-marine eyes seems to come back at her question, and she thanked God that she chose the right question. He gestures with his hand from his forehead, extending one hand down toward the other. “I see you, Grace Augustine.”

To say she was surprised is completely reasonable. Norm – who studied the language and cultures of the Na’vi – still didn’t know the formal meetings of the Na’vi. She asked the ex-marine in front of him, clearly frustrated, “How? Tom is a botanist, isn’t he? How come he knows more things than Norm?”

The marine looked at her, confused. Tilting his head, he answers her, “I never said that Tommy teaches me.”

“Wait what?!”

Without answering her question, the marine quickly hopped into his link units. “Do you need help?” she asked, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Nope! I got this!”

“Pandora is the most hostile environment known to man, and you come here with no training of any kind. Are you sure you will not regret it even once?” she asked, clearly worried about the marine choice.

He looked at her, his gaze was fiery and filled with determination. But no matter how fiery he’s trying to look, no matter how he’s trying to convince himself that everything will turn out to be alright, Grace could see the emptiness that resides deep in his eyes.

Deep in his soul.

Jake Sully is a broken man. His coping mechanism, his attachment towards – now dead – twins, will kill him one day. Grace did not want to see that. Not to someone who once reminded her of people that she called “children”.

“Be careful out there, marine.”

“See you later, Grace.”

Jake settles into the warm fluid gel packs lining the unit. It seems to enfold him. Grace adjusts his biometric sensors, then lowers the upper clamshell. “Relax and let your mind go blank,” she explains. “That shouldn’t be hard for you,” she joked, hoping to get a laugh from the young marine.

She’s correct.

“Cannot disagree with that,” he laughed – freely – and deep down, Grace knows he will get attached to this broken man.

Smiling at the man for the last time, she closed the link.

Jake by all means is an impulsive person, so every time his mind tells him something, he will follow it gladly. Despite making a much bigger mess than Jake could handle. So, when he could feel his legs once again – in his brother's body – his brain told him to run.

He follows it gladly.

Feeling his leg after years of being numb feels like he is finally out of a cage. A cage that traps and suffocates him. It felt like he was finally free.

In your brother's bodies, it is.

He ignores that voice, it feels so good. The dirt on his legs, how exhausted he’s feels, how he’s sweats, and how strained his legs when he done with the running. Everything suddenly felt normal, like he belongs there.

“Maybe because you are.”

That’s the other thing he noted when getting into his brother Na’vi’s body, the voice – the one who nurtured him – sounded a lot clearer now. Even clearer than when he was young.

As if being in the Na’vi body increases the bond between him and that voice.

And Jake couldn’t be happier to know that fact.

He could see how Norm having a hard time catching him up, which confused him. It is true that Jake's human body got accustomed to exercise, so running a few feet should not be a problem if he was in his human body.

But he was in his brother Na’vi’s body – an untrained body – he should at least have to catch his breath, but he didn’t feel any of it. He felt, refreshed, something that probably he shouldn’t feel.

Probably the adrenaline, he deducted.

Happy with his deduction, he looked around, taking the beautiful scenery around him. Then inhales deeply – reveling in the alien smells – earth, plants, and the nearby forest. He looks at his bare footprint in the soil of an alien world.

“Everything is beautiful,” he admires, too awestruck with the environment.

”Thank you, my child.”

Someone's voice cuts him off before he can reply to the voice, “Hey Marine!”

He turned around to see A statuesque female avatar walking toward him. She wears shorts and a T-shirt. In human years she would be about 35. “Grace?” he asked.

“Well, who’d you expect, numbnuts? Think fast!”

She throws him a Pandoran fruit, an utumauti. “Isn’t utumauti is hard to find? I heard that it is considered as a special treat,” he gasped in wonder before eating the said fruits. It is sweet and he found himself loving the taste. “You ought to tell me who teaches all this stuff, but at least your motor control is looking good.”

“She teaches me!” Jake answered happily, showing the fruit again, and asking Grace for more of the fruits. She throws the fruit again, two pieces this time, “She?”

“Yup! She- “

But before Jake can explain it to Grace, Norm reaches them, “Hey, check it out.” Jake turns to see Norm’s avatar posing like a bodybuilder. Jake laughs at his antics and Grace can only shake her head at the two young men. The rest of the day is spent with Jake running around the garden, making Norm giggle and Grace shakes her head, for having to watch him.

The night came and Jake could be found sitting on a wooden bed in a long hut of tropical-style construction – beamed ceiling, open sides covered by a screen. Around him the other avatars are bedding down for the night, pulling insect netting around their cots. In one hand, Jake holds the end of his long-braided queue of hair.

On the queue, the ends of the hair writhe slowly with their own life, like tendrils of a sea creature. “How cool!” beamed him, watching the tendrils move.

“Don’t play with that or you’ll go blind,” he heard Grace say. “Lights out amigos. See ya’ at dinner.”

Jake sits in the twilight, listening to the screeches and hoots from the forest. Finally, he lies down, closing his eyes and his eyes open back up, but this time, at his human body. Jake blinks, disoriented, as Max opens the upper clamshell of his link unit. He sees Grace sitting in the next chair, yawning and cracking her neck as the scared tech runs to her with a lit cigarette.

“Good morning, marine,” she said to him.

“Good morning, Grace,” he replied, rubbing his eyes.

Spending time in Tommy’s avatar body proves to be affecting Jake's mental health. Because now – with how numb his legs feel – his good moods dampen instantly. Jake struggles with the dead weight of his legs as he hauls himself out of the unit.

“How are you?” she asked, noticing the way the lights in Jake's eyes extinguished.

“Shitty.”

“Yeah,” she whispered, looking straight into his legs, “I understand.”

Chapter Text

The next morning came a little bit too fast to Jake's liking, still not trusting the scientist with his dead twins’ ashes, he left them in his room. Now, in the commissary room, Jake sits with Grace, Norm, and the other avatar “drivers”, while around them miners, troopers, and other base personnel wolf their breakfasts. Jake could see how Grace was in the middle of a heated argument with another scientist.

Jake, who didn’t understand any single thing, toned their voices down. Then he notices a female pilot dressed in her flight suit approaching him. “Name Trudy, you’re Jake Sully, right?” He nodded. “Colonel wants to see you in Armor Bay.”

Jake gives Norm a puzzled look, Norm gives him a shrug, and with that, he pivots from the table. “Be quick,” Grace commands without tearing her eyes away.

“Yes, ma’am!”

Jake and Trudy enter the Armor Bay, passing tilt rotors under repair. There are the heavily armed scorpions as well as several SA-2 Samson workhorses outfitted with door guns and rocket pods.

“You guys are packing some heavy ordinance,” Jake laughed, clearly in awe.

“Yeah, ‘cause we’re not the only thing flyin’ around out there. Or the biggest. I’m gonna need you on a door gun, I’m a man short,” she answers back, flashing him a grin, and extending her fist.

“Yeah, no problem,” Jake replied, tapping Trudy's fist with his.

“See ya on the flight line, zero nine,” she pointed towards a room, “He’s down there.”

Jake rolls his chair along the central gallery of the Armor Bay, passing rows of ampsuits standing in service racks. Techs clamber over the ‘suits, loading ordinance with cranes and lifts. At the end of the row is a makeshift gym area. Quaritch is bench-pressing massive plates.

Jake scowled when he saw the man, wanting the meeting to be done as fast as possible. But for now, he stuck with the man for the time being. “This low gravity makes you soft,” he growled, pushing his last rep, making Jake frown deeper.

If only it was his last rep for forever.

“You get soft, Pandora will shit you out dead with zero warning.”

Jake remembers when he was young, he would have a harder time reading something, so if his twins weren't busy, they would read a book for him. In one particular instance, he remembers Lizzie reading him a book about predators. How they love to play with their prey.

How they give their prey false hope, that those poor creatures will survive by a miracle, before tearing them apart. Limbs by limbs.

Predators love it when their prey is fighting back. Because they enjoy the despair in their prey’s eyes when they can no longer escape.

You can act tough as long as you want, but – sooner or later – they will catch you. And escape is futile at the end.

I hope it eats you alive.

And you feel the despair I felt when they ripped my whole world and soul apart.

The colonel is talking about his old record in Venezuela, like always, he tuned the colonel down. Disinterest in the topic at hand. He probably should pay attention to the colonel, just to be safe, but he’s too bored out of his mind to even care. He sees someone come in, talking to the colonel, making the colonel follow him.

If only Jake hadn't remembered that the person who called him was an important person, then he would have left the strange man. Unfortunately, the colonel's position of power was on Grace's level, plus the fact that Lizzie and Tommy raised him better than leaving people before he was told to.

So, forcefully, he followed the strange man, still hoping that the colonel would be eaten by the plant that Grace planted one day.

Now, the colonel is reminiscing about his old military days on earth. Jake wanted to hit his head – whether the colonel's or his head – into the nearest iron wall when he heard it. Sadly, he cannot do that, but he must put it on his to-do list.

He will write, Jake Sully’s to-do list with things he wants to do, such as;

1. Buried his older twins in a nice place so they can rest in peace.
2. Smashing Quaritch's head in the nearest iron wall.
3. Asking Grace to read him the book she wrote.

Proud of himself for coming up with such a great idea, Jake then proceeds to nod to himself without too much thought of it. Without his knowledge, Quaritch takes his reaction as an agreement, so he continues to talk.

“The avatar program is a joke – bunch limpdick scientists- “

Hearing those sentences quickly snapped Jake from his stupor. Jake looked at Quaritch as if he had grown another head. “Wait a minute!” he yelled, stopping Quaritch from his speeches and making a nearby watcher – Trudy included – intrigued. “Yes, son?” the colonel asks, taken aback by the ex-marine outburst.

“Did you just say that the avatar program is a joke?”

The man grins, probably thinking that Jake is on his side.

Jake pushes him closer to the man, looking him dead in the eyes. “You say that, to gain my favor? When my older sister is one of the scientists that worked in the development of the DNA combination so the avatar can be more stabilized?”

Realizing his mistake, Quaritch quickly opens his mouth to correct his stance, but Jake cuts him before he can. “When my older brother is the chosen scientist to control the avatar?”

With a tight fist, he looked at Quaritch with a burning gaze, as if he wanted to pull Quaritch into the heat of the flames of suffering. Pulling the man into the heat of the fire that burned his twins’ bodies, leaving nothing but ashes and memories.

“WHEN BOTH OF THEM ARE SCIENTIST THAT USE THE MONEY, THEY EARN FROM THEIR OCCUPATIONS TO RAISE AND FEED ME?!” he yelled, no longer can contained the fury he held since the day he lost his older sister. The fiery venom slowly eats his soul, eating away his other emotions, and leaving nothing but wrath in its path.

If Jake's legs could move and if Quaritch wasn't one of the important people, then Jake would have hit the man in front of him, right now, and probably thrown his body in the trash can. Unfortunately, he had to restrain himself from doing all of that, so yelling at the man in front of him should satisfy his wrath for now.

With unquenchable rage — he thought it wouldn’t dim down soon — he left Quaritch, refusing to be by the man's side for much longer.

“Start calibrating. We’re on the flight line in ten minutes.”

He heard Grace's voice when he pushed himself back into the Bio Lab. He can see the red-haired scientist is on the move, gulping coffee, in a hurry to get their first sortie started. She then hands a clipboard to Max, Jake wonders what information the clipboard contains. Not that he can read it though.

Max gave Grace a nod and jogged toward the Link Room. Grace pointed both Jake and Norm towards the way Max disappeared, and they followed her closely behind. In the connecting corridor within the room, he can see the worried gaze of Grace Augustine. He smiled warmly when he saw it, “You looked and acted like Lizzie.”

The scientist only scoffed, but Jake could hear the amusement in her voice, “People told me the same thing. But since her twin brother said it, then I guess I can no longer deny it.”

“Nope, you can’t.”

“Does Atilla hurt you?” Grace asked, straight to the point – just like Tommy.

“Physically? No. Mentally? Also no. But if you count mocking scientists and avatars in front of you when your siblings are both scientists and are included in the avatar program as hurting me, then yes, he hurts me.”

“Don’t worry about him, Marine,” she stated, before turning towards him and giving him a confident look, “you’re driving an avatar, now. That means you’re in my world, got it?”

Relieved by the information, Jake flashed her the brightest grin he could make, “Got it, ma’am.”

Grace grins back at him and ruffles Jake's hair, “That’s the spirit. Come on, we have a schedule to fill in.” And with that, she turned back and entered the Link Room. Grace crosses to the controls of Jake’s Link Unit. As the others catch up.

“That son of a bitch has screwed up this program enough. All this–“ she said while pointing around the Link Room, “ –exists so we can go out there and build a bridge of trust to these people, who could teach us so much.” Jake could see how the frown on Grace's features seemed to deepen and how her eyes no longer only reflected anger in them as if there was something in there.

Grief.

For what or for who that grief indicated, Jake wonders. He probably never knows, but he knows how it feels. To lose something you love more than your own life because of humans’ greediness. To lose something you desperately don’t want to lose. To lose all of the things that make you, you, simply because other people wanted something that they couldn't have.

He understands that feeling very well.

“But thanks to Quaritch and his thugs the Na’vi won’t even talk to us anymore.”

Hearing all of that reminds him of his brother, Tommy.

Jake was young when it happened when his parents died. It happened when he was 7 years old, he never loved them, so when they died, he didn’t shed a single tear for them. However, they didn’t have enough money to bring their parents into the mortuary, so they – he – never knew the reason why they died.

If he thinks – remember – hard enough, his neighbor didn’t even know that they’re dead. Another thing about Jake is the fact that he grew up in a slum. Not a very good place for children to be – or even to raise children at all. It was a dog-eat-dog world in the slum back there. So, imagine his surprise, when his neighbor – he forgot their name – banged on their house and demanded for his parents to get out and pay for their “debt”.

He's with Tommy that day.

Tommy told him to hide and close both his eyes and ears, he followed those orders. In a cramped drawer, he hides, hoping that Tommy knows what to do. An hour later, Tommy knocked on the drawer door. “It’s safe now,” he said, and Jake quickly opened the drawer door.

Imagine how surprised he was when he found his brother, with a broken nose, blood that had flowed out of his nose, a bruised left eye, and bruises all over his body. "I've taken care of everything, you don't have to worry, that person won't bother us anymore," Tommy said.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO BE LIKE THIS?! WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?!" he asked, shouting angrily at his brother while shaking his brother's body, hoping it would give him the answer he wanted. Tommy didn’t give him an answer, he only smiled and patted his head. “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay.”

The next day, Jake found a missing poster hanging on the announcement board; it was the man who knocked on their door. He went missing. When he asked Tommy about it, he only smiled and patted Jake's head, Jake stopped questioning Tommy about that incident after that.

Three years later, when Jake was 10 years old, they found that missing man. Well, the remaining of the man. They found the man's DNA mixed with liquid acid. Someone had dumped the man on the deadly acid, which burned and melted the man's body completely. It takes years for them to find the remains of the man, and the factory that supplies the deadly acid plus the scientist almost gets sued for murdering the man.

But unfortunately, without much evidence in hand, they were released without much effort. Police – no matter how advanced the technology – didn’t succeed in finding the culprit. The case immediately became a cold case.

Jake, this time instead, asked Lizzie about this matter. Lizzie only looked at him confused, “The man comes into our house?!” That day is also the day Jake found out how their parents died. Knowing the man comes into their house, Lizzie quickly confronts Tommy on this matter.

"YOU KILLED THAT MAN JUST LIKE YOU KILLED OUR PARENTS?!" shouted Lizzie, forgetting that Jake was still following her from behind. Jake was instantly surprised to hear the words that had just come out of his elder sister's mouth.

Tommy, realizing that Jake was following Lizzie, instantly looked so depressed, as if he had just been caught sinning - well, killing people was technically a sin, but Jake didn't care, considering he hated his parents.

“TOMMY!! YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WOULDN’T DO THOSE KIND OF THING WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST!!” his sister continued yelling, moving forward to grab the ham of Tommy’s shirt.

What Tommy does next surprise him.

With a calm voice, deep frown, and cold gaze, Tommy replied to her, “Can we not talk about this in front of our younger brother?” Lizzie, with fury still painted on her features, turned back to face Jake.

Between Lizzie's face of fury and Tommy's cold gaze, Jake couldn’t decide which one scared him the most. However, if there was anything Jake learned that day, it was that the silent one is sometimes the most determined person. And he can find it in his brother, Tommy.

The death of his parents was caused by food poisoning. The poisoning can occur because Tommy mixes a mild poison into every item they consume, so even if it takes a long time, the poison will still be deadly if consumed every day.

The person who was responsible for everything that went into their parents' stomachs was Tommy, and Tommy was a very intelligent person. Taking advantage of the fact that they are drug addicts and alcoholics, he modifies the poisons he uses to have the same base as the alcohol and drugs they consume.

So, in the end, even if the police found their parents' bodies – that Lizzie buried herself – they wouldn’t think it was a murder.

So, what is the connection between Jake's past story and the story about Na'vi?

The anger of some people is like fire, burning everything without leaving anything, not even ashes. That type of anger is owned by her older sister, Lizzie. And for a small percentage of people, their anger is like a python. It is non-venomous, it cannot burn and destroy, but that type of anger is a much more deadly type of anger than the first type of anger.

That type of anger will wrap around the person they hate, giving hope to the person they are surrounded by the hope that they are okay. Before crushing their bones and devouring them all. If the first type of anger destroys the physical, but the second type of anger destroys both. Physically and mentally.

Jake is convinced that Pandora's anger is the second type of anger. Just as the earth punishes humans for damaging it, by making the place no longer livable, then Pandora will do the same. Although it took a long time to do all of that, in the end, the Earth succeeded in punishing humans. Jake believes Pandora is capable of doing the same with humans, sooner or later, the planet will punish humans in its way.

Anger, no matter what its type, is a dangerous poison. And poison, no matter how weak it may be – just like how his parents were killed – is deadly if consumed every day.

And humans, without realizing it, consume that poison every day.

Pandora's poison of rage.

Now, back to the current problem. “Then how’s this supposed to work?” he asked. “We have a new face.” Grace turns back to face both Jake and Norm. “Both of you are fluent – You still have to tell me how you’re fluent, Marine – you’re non-threatening.” She looks at Jake worriedly, sighing, realizing something that she didn’t want to do.

“The ones we know best – The Omaticaya clan – may give you a chance. Maybe you can get them back to the table before things go tits-up for good.”

“This is failing as a pep talk,” Norm whined, and Jake only laughed at it.

“How do we contact them?” he asked, hauling himself from a wheelchair into the link.

“We don’t. They contact us. If they see us taking our samples, treating the forest with respect- “

“Wait! Wait!! Do we need to stay in the forest for the full day?! Until night?!” Jake asked, terrified of the thought of it.

“Yes, it should have been- “

Jake can see a glimpse of realization flash in her eyes; he is pretty sure a sprout of redness can be seen on his cheek. Grace looks at him with horror in her eyes. “You!” she shouted, making some people – Norm included – flinched at her voice. “You never went into the forest, didn’t you?!”

Without much to deny, Jake could only nod. Pretty sure all the people in the link room have their gaze on him. “I mean, have you seen the earth? You can hardly see a single green on that planet.” Grace can only pinch her nose bridge in frustration, “So you’re telling me, both your sister and brother have entered a forest, but you haven’t despite being a marine?”

He shrugged in defeat, “I mean, I told you already, they’re more experienced in life than me.”

“This is the first time I see scientists having more experience than a marine, and I don’t know whether to be happy or frustrated.” She ruffled his hair and seemed to be more amused than frustrated. “Stay with me, I know that place is good enough.”

“The same as Lizzie's level?”

“Not as good as her, but good enough to protect you and Norm from getting lost.”

And with that, Jake gave her the biggest smile he ever gave to someone, “THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, MA’AM!!”

Chapter Text

Grace remembered the first time she saw two older Sully triplets for the first time. She remembered the uninterest frown that craved on Elizabeth Sully’s face and how Thomas Sully looked like he rather be anywhere instead in their meeting. Grace remembered being offended by their attitude. Now, it makes her wonder, is that how their youngest brother felt when she ignored and spat at him?

Grace wouldn’t blame the man if he hated her guts.

It will be easier if he does.

Sadly, to Grace's dismay, she cannot find anger in the man that day. Neither in his face nor his voice. But she did find something that day. Something worse than anger.

Instead of insulting or scolding Grace, he smiles at her.

She found compassion in the man she deemed useless.

Grace isn’t a religious person, but how much she prays so she can turn back time when she sees that smile. She should’ve known better. Didn’t she say it to every intern and scientist who works under her, “A scientist stays objective – we can't be ruled by emotion.” But she let that emotion rule her, she lashed out when Jake Sully came instead of Tom Sully, angry at a man who didn’t do anything except fill his brother's shoes.

Shoes that he seems uncomfortable to wear.

She lashed at someone who didn’t have a choice.

Someone who understood her pain more than anyone else, someone that she also should understand.

“You know he’s here because of his brother's death, right?” said a voice, waking Grace from her stupor. Max Patel standing in front of her, with a document in hand, before giving the said document to Grace. It was Tom Sully's death report, “Death from a gunshot,” she stated matter-of-factly when she skimmed through the document, “I already heard it.”

She can hear the other scientist sighing, “It’s not the cause of death that you should focus on.” She handed back the report before Max could finish his thought, Max didn’t comment on her behavior, only sighing, again, deeper this time. “Grace… I know you didn’t like having another marine in this project, but it doesn’t mean he likes the arrangement or has a choice in that matter.”

Grace didn’t want to look at the other scientist, didn’t want to answer his question. Because he’s right, a voice in her head said. As if sensing the red-haired scientist wouldn’t speak up, the man continued. “Grace, there is no one that understands your pain that day, even me.”

“Where does– “

“But he can understand it…”

There’s a sudden silence between them, making the sentence linger in the air for a while. As if knowing Grace wouldn’t speak up, Max decided to break the silence. “I didn’t ask you to be happy or to accept the arrangement Selfridge made, but I will ask you a favor.” His eyes linger into one of the link units before looking back at Grace with a melancholy expression.

“You don’t need to act nice or lie to yourself… but give that boy a chance would you.”

The man… The boy's smiles flashed through her eyes again and she could only laugh tiredly. “I doomed since I see that boy smile,” she whispers to herself, but she has feelings Max can hear it because there’s a joy in his eyes. “Whatever, it’s not like any of us have a choice,” she said, finalizing the agreement, something that she should’ve done since the beginning. Better late than never, she cannot find herself agreeing to that sentence more fiercely than today.

“We shouldn’t rule by our emotion, but somehow that boy makes me be ruled by mine,” Grace grunted affectionally, “seems like it runs in the family after all,” she added, smiling at the revelation. Max laughs, this time the laugh seems happier – lighter – than before. “I can back that fact up.”

The first time Grace met up with Elizabeth and Thomas Sully is back when the avatar's body is still in development. The avatars are fine, but some of them have trouble breathing oxygen while others become sickly after inhaling oxygen. Usually, they will ignore it, but somehow, the side effects are transferred to their human body. The avatar pilots – Grace included – will always be bedridden after being transferred back into their human body.

They tried to find a solution. Their long-running hypothesis is how the Na’vi DNA overridden human DNA. So, they started to increase the percentage of human DNA compared to Na'vi DNA. The body ended up unusable because they ended up just creating a blue human that was unable to breathe oxygen. So, they tried another method, DNA modification. They cut cells that they thought would override human DNA, they minimized the Na’vi DNA intensity.

Their effort ended up futile because the body could not breathe the pandora air. Another method they try is to do the same DNA modification but using Na’vi DNA on large presentence. Again, their method fails. Surprisingly, it ended up with two results. The first result is that despite being able to breathe oxygen, carbon dioxide, and hydrogen sulfide, the body ended up rejecting the drivers. The second result is the same as the first one, but the body ended up being too weak and sickly and wound up dead not long after the creation.

That day they found out that there’s a limit to DNA modification and combination.

That day was also the day when the two older Sully triplets won a science award for their essay and research on comparing human DNA and plant DNA and the hypothesis of how humans could breathe carbon dioxide like plants without being harmed.

Pandora researchers immediately contacted the twins, hoping they could help with the ongoing avatar project. Imagine Grace's surprise when she found out that instead of having a meeting with two 21-year-old young adults, she has a meeting with two 13-year-olds instead. "Isn't this a contest for those who are currently pursuing a master's degree?" she asked, confused by the situation she was facing. The girl's face, that originally painted neutrally, turned into a dissatisfied frown.

"That's right," the boy beside her replied curtly, Grace was sure she could hear the bitterness in his heart.

"And you two can follow it because?" she asked once more, starting to lose her patience. She wanted to meet scientists who were well-versed and understood what they were doing, not two snotty kids who were most likely plagiarizing and copying the content and writings of AI.

"There is no age limit," the boy replied once more, this time more tired than before.

"Come on Tommy, we're just wasting our breath here. The know-it-all seems rather to be anywhere than here. Plus, I have an assignment from Professor Patel that I haven't had time to do. And you have meetings with Professor Cooper tomorrow, don’t you remember what he does to his class?”

Suddenly she could understand why some people hated children so much.

“Listen here you little– “

“Oh please, as if you listen to us in the first place, you– “

“Do your parents never teach you manners?! This is why I hate rich people so damn much. They run their mouth and think that they run the world simply because of the money they possess.”

It takes a while for Grace to realize that the girl stopped talking. When she talks to both, she looks down because of how disappointed she was when she met with two children instead of two young adults. When she raises her head, she can see how both no longer look at the monitor. The girl has an uninterest frown on her face and the boy looks so uncomfortable that he rather be anywhere else than here.

However, before she can speak, the girl beats her to it.

“When performing DNA combination, there are several aspects that must be considered. One of them is the compatibility between the DNA. The more compatible the DNA, the greater the possibility that the DNA combination will be successful.”

The girl then brought up a picture – or rather two pictures put together. On the left was a picture of a human and his DNA and on the right was a picture of a Na'vi and his DNA.

“Na’vi DNA has animal DNA in them. If we learn closely, we can find that our DNA is similar to a monkey's. The same can go for them too, their DNA seems to be closer to the monkey on their planet. That’s why DNA combination can be done without any life-threatening side effects.”

Then it hits Grace, the missing key in their DNA combination.

“But somehow, their ability to breathe Pandora's air was lost when their DNA merged with our DNA. There's something in our DNA that burns away that ability.”

The girl nods her head.

"Or rather, there's something - or maybe, another animal than monkey - in their DNA that's considered dangerous, so dangerous that it's neutralized by our DNA."

“But what? What makes the ability to breathe Pandora's air dangerous?”

What happened next surprised Grace and she could not believe the guts of Elizabeth Sully that day. “That, you can find it yourself, Mrs. Scientist,” she said mockingly, with joy in her voice. Grace was sure that at that moment she froze with an expression of disbelief for a long time because she could see how Elizabeth Sully's grin grew as time went by.

“Not so snotty rich brats, right?” she mocks while winking.

Again, Grace can understand why there are some people out there who hate children. But seems like, this time she brought the misfortune to herself. “Fine, I’m sorry for doubting both of you in the first place. And yes, both of you are more than snotty rich brats,” she confessed, gritting through her teeth while sighing.

“Music to my ears~”

“Lizzie, I swear to God- “ Tom suddenly speaks, which reminds Grace that there are two of them instead of one. However, hearing the boy speak brings some sort of bad feelings to Grace.

Surely, they wouldn’t do it in front of her… right?

She puts too much faith in both of them.

“It’s not my fault she’s underestimated us- “

“That doesn't mean you should do what she has done to us- “

Suddenly, Grace could understand why some parents hire a babysitter to go on a vacation without their children.

“I didn’t do a single thing! I just prove to her that we shouldn’t be underestimated-“

“You could do it without- “

“Oh, screw off, you soft-heart jerk!!”

“What the fudge you say about me, you hot-headed arsehole?!”

Grace could feel the incoming migraine as those words left Tom Sully's mouth. And sure enough, compared to how they had defended each other earlier, now they seemed to be practicing for their next competition. If the said competition in question was a competition to see who could yell at their opponent the loudest.

Elizabeth and Tom Sully are in the middle of a heated debate. If you could count what they are doing – yelling remarks about how the other is dumber or insensitive – as a debate. “Feels like I’m raising two children on my own. I owe my parents a lot of things,” she sighs while messaging her nose-bridge.

But somehow, despite being annoyed, Grace could not help the warm feelings in her heart when she watched the two siblings argue with each other. She cannot explain why their arguments make her happy, but in those moments, she simply accepts it.

Accepted that the two of Sully's triplets made her happy.

Now back to her current problem. The youngest of the Sully triplets, Jake Sully. He’s watching with full interest the preparation of his and Norm’s avatar body. What’s the problem with that, you may ask, and that’s the problem! There’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing, which doubled Grace's guilt for yelling at him on his first day on Pandora.

She wanted to apologize.

The problem?

You guessed it, she didn’t know how to approach the boy.

Should she talk like how she usually talks? Or should she talk like a stern mother when her child is misbehaving? Should she act like how she usually is? Or should she act like when she teaches Na’vi children? Also, Grace is pretty sure this one is messed up in his head, how should she handle it then? Some wished to be treated normally and hated to be treated like glass, while others needed softer treatment.

There is no correct answer to it, but it doesn’t mean Grace didn’t stress herself out about how she should interact with Jake Sully.

Luckily, Jake Sully is distracted so he cannot see the hesitation in Grace's posture. Norm – the one she’s talking to – on the other hand realized her internal turmoil. “Just treated him like how you treated me and the other avatar drivers, he would appreciate you more that way,” Norm stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“If you forget yesterday's interaction, I spat at him for replacing his dead brother. I need more than acted like how I usually acted,” she replied, turning her gaze from the xenoanthropologist to the ex-marine. “I need to apologize to him.”

“I don’t see why you’re doubting yourself?” he asked softly, looking at Grace with softness in his eyes. “Even if your apology is insincere, he will forgive you…” he trailed while turning his gaze into the unsuspecting ex-marine, “But I will be happier if your apology is sincere,” he added while patting the older scientist on her shoulder.

“It doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be sincere, and to do that- “

“I need to speak from my heart.”

The xenoanthropologist smiles, “I’m going first. You can apologize while I’m transferring, also, it doesn’t need to be in words you know.” Grace watches as the other man walks into one of the link units and yells at the ex-marine, “Jake! I’m going in!”

“Okay! Be careful!” the ex-marine replied.

Better late than never.

It doesn’t need to be perfect.

It just needs to be sincere.

With that, Grace braves herself and walks towards the ex-marine.

The talk went more smoothly than Grace imagines, true to Norm’s words, Jake does forgive Grace. A little bit too easier if you asked her. So, she must improve her way and relationship with him before she can finally forgive herself. What? Just because Jake Sully forgives her, doesn’t mean she will do the same to herself.

Moving on from that, the boy is happier than he usually is, and it doesn’t take a genius to predict it. Seeing how he’s running in laps around the facility is enough sign to indicate that he’s happier. “Grace, that boy exhausted me, and it was him that running in a circle instead of me,” exhaled one of the avatar drivers.

“Look at the poor man that follows him from behind, he knows he can just sit by and let the boy run in a circle alone, right?” added another avatar driver when they saw an exhausted Norm following Jake around in ragged breath.

“He acted like he’s the boy bro- “

Before they can finish their word, another avatar driver stands beside them elbowing them to stop talking. “What the- Oh… fuck…”

“You are lucky that boy didn’t hear you, you fucking asshole! Think before you fucking speak!!”

“Sorry…”

Contrary to popular belief – or maybe just Jake’s belief – Grace is closer to his sister rather than his brother. Grace is not naive and would say that Elizabeth’s presence is more stable and enjoyable than Tom’s. Because the two of them - or maybe the three of them plus Jake - are the same. But still, Thomas Sully is not someone Grace would offend, even if her life is on the line. Dying by someone else's hand sounds more fun than dying by Tom Sully's hand.

Why?

With Elizabeth, Grace could at least guess or predict one or two of her trains of thought.

With Thomas?

It's easier to learn the Na'vi's way of thinking and language than it is to know what's inside Thomas Sully's head, and Grace prefers the former option to the latter.

And Grace didn't even want to wonder what Tom Sully would do if he heard someone say that to Jake's face.

What he would do if he knew what Grace said to Jake when she first met him.

However if there's something outside of Grace's - or even Elizabeth's - predictions, is that she - Grace - would earns Tom's respect and adoration. Grace never thought she would be able to achieve that, but hey, life has an ironic way of weaving their fate.

Being adored by the same boy that scared me, what a fucking joke.

Fear has no place in the realm of science, which is why she and many scientists who serve Pandora have gone through fear training. However, imagine her surprise when she realized that a child, much younger than her, was scaring her.

What's even more frustrating is the fact that Grace doesn't know the exact reason why she's afraid of Thomas Sully.

And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that Tom is completely unpredictable to her.

She is a scientist, uncertainty is part of the fun of her job.

Then? What is the real reason she is afraid of him?

Is it because of how empty and cold his gaze is?

It’s a lie. Jake had the same eyes as him. When she saw those eyes, Grace wanted to protect the boy from whatever disappointments life would bring to him.

Was it because of his calm nature - too calm for her - that kept her guessing what he would do next?

If that was the reason, Grace would be afraid of Max, and Grace only have respect for the said man.

Is it because he knows that Tom is a determined person, and he will do anything to make his wishes come true?

Grace and Elizabeth were similar to him in that aspect and Grace can confidentially say that she’s not afraid of herself or Elizabeth. If that’s the truth, then why does Thomas Sully scare her? Is it because of-

”GRACE! I’M GOING TO MAKE A LEAP!” a voice yelled before Grace could finish her thought. Imagine how surprised she was when she found Jake Sully, up on a tree – on his first day of controlling the avatar – wanting to jump and do a backflip into a pond – that Grace was sure was shallow, not deep.

“…I need a vacation…”

She’s pretty sure Jake had already done his leap when she was done uttering that words, she can only pinch her bridge-nose to that revelation. “This is why I will not have any children soon,”

“I’m pretty sure that the boy already ended up being one of yours, whether you like it or not,” laughs another avatar driver beside her. “Believe me, if he’s that energetic, the next one will be the calmer and easy child, I learn it the hard way,” added the said person.

“I’m not interested in having another child, one already enough, and I can already feel incoming migraine for the next six years.”

“That’s a child's purpose after all, no? They’ll give you headaches, countless migraines, and probably will give you a stroke too, but you cannot help yourself from loving them the way they are.” They paused for a while, seeming to be lost in thought. Grace recognizes the avatar driver, she was a mother of three, and joined the program because her children already grow up and she needed another distraction in ‘her old ages’.

It makes Grace wonder thought. How does it truly feel to be so far away from her children? Does she regret her choice? Does she ever feel a tinge of loneliness? Does she ever miss her children and wished could be closer to them?

The question seems to be out before she can comprehend them.

“Will it get easier?”

Huh??

The avatar driver – if she remembers correctly her name is Maria – smiles mournfully.

“No, it won't. But that's how life works. All wounds can be healed by time, but when will time heal them? Nobody knows." She gazes into the faraway, before turning back her gaze to the ex-marine that just successfully doing his leap. “That’s why we should live in the present, instead of mourning our past. Who knows what will happen if we do that.”

“That’s not going to- “

“Of course not. Grief isn’t something you can forget, instead, it’s something you grow with. For a while, you can’t feel it, but when you feel it again, it feels like the worst thing that could have happened to you.”

The avatar driver turns her head into Grace, Grace could see acceptance… and something else in her eyes.

“However, it’s not all bad. You can use it as inspiration, or as motivation to do something…”

“…But…?”

In a flash, the acceptance seems to disappear, and the other emotion engulfs her eyes. Grace suddenly realized what emotion it was.

Anger.

“It could destroy you even further if you’re not careful.”

Chapter Text

Sometimes Grace forgot how unpredictable marines genuinely are.

Grace likes to blame Quaritch for her prejudice against the Marines, if only he didn’t lead them like some stupid brainless baboon, then they would not get into this mess in the first place. If only he decided to heed her warning and decided not to do something to evoke the Na’vi anger then their mission – Grace’s not Selfridge, fuck that guy, he could die for all Grace care – can be completed.

But no, Quaritch and his impulsive brain decided to act against her, now look at the mess Grace needs to fix. Honestly, at this point, Grace wants to feed that man to one of the Pandoran plants she’s planted.

At least, impulsiveness is a common trait every marine shares – including the one who looks at nothing besides her.

“Since the Na’vi is blue, if they’re blushing would they turn purple instead of red? Or is it their blood different color from ours?” the marine – Jake – asks out of nowhere, “But they look like a mix between human and cat, humanoid cat, blue humanoid cat… Do you think they will like catnips? Also, do you think they taste like blueberries? While we talk about blueberries if hypothetically we wanted to dye some creatures as big as them blue, how many blueberries we would need?”

Grace also forgot the marine she got has ADHD.

Luckily Norm happily answers Jake’s questions for her.
“Well, based on my research, the scientist already conducted an experiment using the avatars and yes, their blood is the same color as ours and they turn purple when blushing- “

“That’s lame- “

“While I agree, I think I rather see red blood than blue blood… The second thing is, while they possess some canine features, it didn’t reflect their personal preferences at all, so no, they will not like catnips.”

“Boohoo.”

“Also agree, and for the last batch of questions, sadly their skin didn’t taste like blueberries, only sweat. And hypothetically it would take at least 10 billion blueberries, and sadly it will not turn them blue but purple instead, since blueberries are purple.”

Surprisingly, learning the fact that blueberries are not blue is enough to break a marine. His curious expression changed into a mortified one as if someone just told him something so groundbreaking and unbelievable it changed the trajectory of his life.

Grace likes the marine.

“What do you mean purple?! It was blueberry, not purpleberry?! Why name it Blueberry if it was purple?! Why don’t name it purple-berry in the first place? What purpose does it bring to name after something it was not?!” he ranted when awoken from his stupor.

“I mean, the outer skin is blue- “

“It’s a stupid reasoning! If that was the case, then I should’ve been able to call star fruit oval fruit since it was oval before being cuted. But no!! It was star-shaped despite being oval!! Screw people that use that terminology!”

I'm surprised he can say terminology correctly… but saying cuted instead of cut,” Max whispered amusedly in her ears.

“Agree with you on that one, the child is peculiarly amusing.”

In the end, they spent the day making plans and designing maps of Pandora's Forest - which was done by Grace, Max, and some scientists - and arguing about ridiculous questions - done by Jake and Norm - without much choice since he had faced Tom many times, so the other scientists let him face Jake.

You must be wondering, why are they suddenly in the lab fighting with each other when they should be preparing to explore Pandora's forest. The answer is that they already did, and because they did it without proper preparation and planning, their journey ended in disaster.

Let me tell you how all of this could end up like this.

Yesterday

There’s a little hitch in their plan, or rather, an unexpected hitch that Grace cannot determine whether it is or isn’t a problem. What’s the hitch she’s talking about? The revelation that the marine – Jake – that supposed to replace the dead scientist – Tom –the place isn’t familiar with a forest at all. Yup! A marine that isn’t familiar with a forest!

You learn and find new things every day.

And Grace never gets annoyed with that fact moreover than today.

Either life despised both her and Jake so they kept messing around, or it worked mysteriously, and Jake would end up helping her in ways no other scientist was able to do. Whatever it ended up being, Grace would rather the man ended up safely and sound. It would be a shame if his childlike wonder turned into a fear.

Grace sees it once.

She didn’t want to see it anymore.

Therefore, it’s not that Grace is annoyed it will hinder their – her – plan. It’s more of the fact that pandora forest is dangerous. No matter how much experience you get, it’s still unpredictable. Imagine stepping into an unpredictable alien forest when you haven’t even stepped into the unpredictable human’s forest.

People will argue with her that he was a marine, and unpredictability is something that he faced every day while he was still on duty. While it holds some truth, didn’t Quaritch get out unscathed from his missions back on earth but immediately got a new scar when stepped into the Pandora forest for the first time? So sorry if she was anxious for the fate waited her new son.

Now they're flying over a carpet of rainforest, past sheer cliffs and cloud-wreathed mesas. Trudy’s Samson Tiltrotor chases its shadow across the treetops. Though big as a Blackhawk, it is tiny in the vast primeval landscape. Angle through the open side doors of the Samson. Trooper Wainfleet, in exo-mask and body armor, leans on his door gun, scanning for aerial predators.

In Avatar form Grace, Jake, and Norm watch the forest unrolling beneath them, the wind blasting their clothes. Jake mans the other door gun, his feet propped on the skids. Grace can see how his tail tenses when he’s looking at the forest. She didn’t say anything, only patting the man's back, hoping it could at least calm the man a little.

She can see how the man's tail wrapped around her left arm without him knowing. She smiles at the man.

Trudy flies from a pressurized cockpit. She banks to follow a shallow river. “Sturmbeest herd, one o’clock,” Trudy said from the intercom. “Look at them, Jake!” Norm grinned at the ex-marine and pointed at something in the forest. Jake looks at Grace worriedly, but Grace only smiles and nods at him. With much contemplation on his face, he finally gathers up the courage he needs and investigates the way Norm pointed out. He looks in time to see a herd of Sturmbeest – massive six-legged creatures reminiscent of buffalo – thundering across the river.

Grace can see how a bright smile was immediately engraved on his face when he saw the six-legged animal. With the same enthusiasm as Norm – if not more – he pointed at the creatures, “Talioang!!”

Grace only shakes her head when she sees Norm and Jake's behavior, “I surrounded by children. Sturmbeest or as Jake said, Talioang, looks like a bull, six cows, and some juveniles.”

“The bull has the red on the dorsal armor?” Norm asked without tearing his gaze from the creature.

She nods approvingly, “Correct.”

“Why do you call it Talioang? What kind of weird name is that?” Wainfleet sneered seeming to be disinterested in the topic on hand – or in any topic that doesn’t include shooting something at all. Grace glared quickly and shut him up, “I didn’t remember asking your input in this matter.”

Wainfleet face now turns sour and seems to be angry for being scolded – despite being in the wrong. But it’s not like he can do anything about it, unlike Jake who has the right to be angry at Quaritch for mocking his twins’ legacy, Grace didn’t mock Wainfleet at all. On the other hand, it was Wainfleet who mocked Jake – her men – and the language he used - the same language used by the people she valued – first.

So, Wainfleet is faced with a dead end. She gives him a clear order this time, “I don’t need your input in this matter, your job only to escort us in the sky. Other than that, you shut your mouth.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, didn’t have much choice in this matter.

Norm and Jake who completely stopped looking at the Sturmbeest at this point watch the exchange in silence. The red-haired scientist could see how the ex-marine moved his head – without looking away from Grace and Wainfleet – whisper something in Norm's ears. She also can see how despite the grimace, Norm agrees with Jake.

It didn’t take much to know what they were saying.
Not only encountering Sturmbeest that day, but they’re also encountering Hundreds of purple-winged creatures that take flight from a lake. They seem to be startled by the Samson. “It was Tetrapterons,” Grace stated, “Can you guess what is their name in Na’vi?”

“Fkio!!"

The rest of their trip was uneventful, spent with Norm and Jake admiring Pandora's fauna and Grace giving them a few pop quizzes on Na’vi's names for the fauna. Without any surprise, Jake managed to answer all her questions. If something was weighing on her heart when it happened - and if she had not accidentally seen how Norm's – Wainfleet too, surprisingly – face changed rapidly when it happened - Grace said nothing.

Finally, they are settling into the ground, a small meadow among towering trees. The fern-like “grass” is beaten down in waves by the rotor wash as the Samson settles to the ground. Jake pulls the massive door gun off its pintle mount and hefts it like an assault rifle. He and Wainfleet leap out to secure the LZ, scanning the tree line warily, weapons aimed.

“Are all marines really that wary of the forest?” she heard Norm muttered as she walked towards the cockpit.

“Hey! I never went into one, I have rights! This jerk, however- “

The voice quieted down as she reached the cockpit, “Trudy, shut down the turbines, we didn’t want to attract unwanted attention from predators.”

“Whatever you said, boss.”

As the engine shut down, Grace walked towards the two avatars, witnessing how Jake was in the middle of a heated argument with Wainfleet while Norm trying his hardest to break them up. “Break up right now!” she orders, which is quickly being followed. Towering over Wainfleet, she orders him again, “Stay with the ship, we already have our armed man.” From the corner of her eyes, she can see how Jake already sticking his tongue out and how it angered Wainfleet.

“It’s an order!”

“…yes, ma’am…”

Turning her head towards the two avatars, she glared at Jake and she could see how the marine deflated slightly. “Don’t pick up a fight with anyone, that’s also an order.”

“…yes, ma’am…”

With that, they continued their journey on foot. The forest engulfs the three of them in cyan gloom. The shadows are alive with the chittering sounds of unseen alien wildlife. This place is a heaven for someone like both Grace and Norm, because of how unresearched the forest is. The amount of knowledge you can gain and teach other people with it, and how you can accidentally stumble into a high-quality traditional medicine that can heal cancer without even knowing makes it even more impressive.

On the other hand, for someone like Jake, a person who fought and almost lost their life in war, this place is no different than another hellhole. With how hyperactive and antsy he’s moving, how often he turns his head when hearing even the smallest sound, of how hyperalert he is, Grace cannot say she is surprised if this is a hell for him. “Calm down ma- “

Shuffle! Shuffle! Shuffle!

A shuffling sound of branches triggers the marine and quickly he turns his head towards the sound. A monkey-like prolemuris leaping from limb to limb overhead, flashing through the sunlight streaming down in shafts. Norm, the sweet child, sensing Jake’s discomfort immediately rushed beside him and lowered his weapon. “Jake, it’s just prolemuris, let’s take a- “

“Shouldn’t they be napping at this hour? And even if they’re moving… shouldn’t the branch they’re in be higher?”

“Maybe they just get disturbed by the Samson, the engines of that thing loud you know.”

A plant with swaying tendrils which reach toward Jake, as if trying to calm him down. “Maybe you’re right…” his gaze locked towards the tendrils that wrapped themselves in his arms. “What are they?”

“We don’t know just yet,” it was Grace who answered him.

“Hmmm~”

“Let’s continue, okay?” Norm asked once again.

“Yes… let’s do that.”

After the little hiccup, they continued their journey between the huge trees as the trail got steeper and tougher to go through. Finally, they reached a clearing with an overgrown building made of timbers cut from the local trees, with a thatch roof. It is covered with vines as the jungle reclaims it.

“The school?”

Maybe it's because of how both Jake and Norm are new people that’s why Grace is more defensive than she usually is, or maybe because there’s a marine between them and Grace still remembers when… But that question ticked Grace. An innocent question, there’s nothing wrong with it. But the asker is the thing that ticked Grace off.

If it was Norm, it would be more normal, Norm knows the history of their work and what happened in them. But it wasn’t Norm who asked, it was Jake. His voice filled with both sadness and grief… As if-

“How will they know we’re here?” it was Norm this time.

As if on cue, the forest felt like it had many eyes surrounding them. Watching their steps, judging all moves and choices they make. Grace could feel it and for a while, in the corner of her eyes, she could see them once again. Like how they used to be. Like nothing bad ever happened.

Before that incident.

“I’m sure they’re watching us right now.”

Norm gulps and Jake looks around warily them as they approach the school.

Grace has had many prides and joys throughout her life, but the greatest one of all of them is the school for Na’vi children. The way their eyes light up and how eager they are when there’s a new subject to learn, the happiness they feel when they bond closer with Grace, and how prideful they are about their own cultures. Teaching and learning from the kids are the greatest joy Grace ever felt.

However, happiness is nothing more than a fleeting moment. Because the next thing she knows, the school is nothing more than a part of overgrown grass.

Entering it always the hardest, the wave of nostalgia hits her and for a while, she can see how Neytiri is arguing with Tsu’tey while Sylwanin only laughs without trying to break their argument. She can see how they’re trying to compete who can earn the highest scores in her pop quiz.

But it was all gone once again when she opened her eyes.

She picks up a moldering copy of “The Lorax” by Dr. Seuss from the floor and puts it back on a shelf. “The stingbats knock them off. I guess I always hope somebody will come back and read them.”

“Why don’t they come back?”

Because one of them is killed here-

“The Na’vi learned as much about us as they needed to know.”

That we are the unforgivable monster that uses armored weapons and violence to settle down everything, to win favoritism, to win arguments.

That we’re bringing nothing but destruction into their home.

“Okay! Time to- “

Her words caught in her throat as she looked at Jake. The marine was caressing the bullet hole with tears streaming down his face. "Marine? Are you okay?"

She didn’t know what happened next or why she felt like that, but Grace felt like she was back to two years ago. When she saw Sylwanin's lifeless body lying there both Tsu'tey and Neytiri cried over her when she was helpless to do anything. Jake looks at her with a dead look in his eyes, those eyes filled with both regret, sadness, and grief.

"Poor kid... She forgave you, you know that?"

"What are you-"

"Oh, look at the time! We must hurry, or the day will end before we even do anything!" Norm said as he gathered the gears scattered on the floor. "Jake! Help me! I only have two hands!"

"Okay~"

From then on, everything seemed like it moved too fast for her liking. Why? They went from Grace grieving Sylwanin to her and Norm squatting to examine the plant's life to Jake being a face in face with Hammerhead Titanothere.

“Jake don’t shoot! You’ll piss it off- “

“First thing first! The 'angtsìk is he! The second thing is, I know! The armor is too thick! And the last thing is!! What should I do?! No one teaches me about this stuff! I want to run, but running in the forest when I don’t know where I am, and where should I go, while I never even enter or explore the human forest even once is a terrible idea! So terrible that it will resurrect Lizzie just so she can scold me!!”

“Just hold your ground! It’s a territorial threat display.”

The hammerhead slashes its head sideways, splintering saplings. It bellows again, lowers its head, and charges.

“Grace?!”

“Just hold your ground!”

He follows the order dutifully and the hammerhead stops abruptly in front of him. “What the…? Why are- “

Before Jake could finish his words the bull wheels around, trumpeting in fear, and crashes away through splintering undergrowth.

“That’s not the norm- “

A guttural snarl behind him cuts him off, now all of them know why the bull ran away in fear. Behind Jake stands a thanator, a terrifying land predator the universe has ever conceived. It could eat a T-rex and have the Alien for dessert. It’s a black six-limbed panther from hell, with an armored head and massive distensible jaws.

“Palulukan…”

The thanator launch over him, landing between him and the hammerhead. The ground shakes. The thanator emits an earsplitting roar, enraged that the hammerhead got away. It twists on itself, turning to face Jake, and bares its fangs with a lethal hiss.

“RUN JAKE!!”

And he bolts as the thanator leaps after him, leaving Grace and Norm alone in panic.

“Go back to Trudy!” she barked as both she and Norm ran away in fear. Adrenaline filled her blood, everything felt so quiet but loud at the same time. Suddenly, the fear and helplessness that she felt two years ago happened once again.

She will lose her child once again.

This time not from an armed weapon or people she despises.

But from the very same planet and creatures she holds dearly in her heart.

Chapter Text

Soooooo..... It's been a while.... More like it's been

*Checks Calenders*

7 MONTHS?! DAMN!!

Sorry for missing and not updating at all, life have been hectic and I've been busy with my college lmao xD

I just want to post this note just to say that the reason why it took me longer to updated chapter 7 is because I'm actually rewriting the story!! The first chapter rewriting is almost done, and I will continue chapter 2 either on Monday or Tuesday!! But yeah!! You can expect chapter 7 to be released once I finish the rewriting!

And when does that happened?? You will know once this chapter is down! Once this chapter is deleted that means I finished writing chapter 7!! So yeah! Looked out for that!! Oh yeah!! Once chapter 7 is out, you probably should read this fanfiction from the beginning, since I probably changed a lot of things about this story and it's direction lmao TwT

Also have you seen the new avatar 3 trailer?! I'm so excited about it!! I cannot wait to sees it in December!! And also some of my headcanon about Jake ended up being true and I've never been so happy before lmao xD

Okay then, I will end this note here before I get into 12 pages essay about how happy I am about the trailer and what my fear and hope is for the future of the story!! :D