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Chapter Text

The grotesque yet dormant anger loomed over his head, bled into his shadow, and sneaked undetected like invisible smoke into the orifices of his body. 

Every quiet sound there was became all the louder: the gentle clinking of wine glasses and metal utensils on plates, the coy giggles and the deep timber of voices between exchanged words, the jazzy singing tune carried off amongst the soft thrumming of guitar of the live band performing that night, the rushing footsteps of handsome waiters and waitresses dashing from the tables to the kitchen, and even the ticking of clock overhead. A cacophony of noises that pricked into the pores of his skin and left goosebumps on his arms under the long sleeves of the starched white shirt.   

The message from his mother wouldn’t be erased from existence even if he wished for it, still clear in his mind’s eyes now, sitting in the inbox of his phone kept in the employees’ locker. 

“Pretty boy,” someone said, a mute and distant sound, then louder, “Hey, pretty boy.” 

Beomgyu stopped in his tracks to the kitchen and turned, one of his hands tucked neatly by his side while the other was holding an empty tray. He approached the table where a man in his forties wearing a white suit was seated by himself, limbs mechanical and on autopilot. That customer was an alpha—Beomgyu could immediately tell from the potent and oppressive pheromone barely concealed and seeping out of the scent blocker he was wearing.

“Yes, sir?” he asked, trying not to get too close. 

“There’s a toothpick in my dish,” the man stated in a distinctive drawl, a thick accent to his English that Beomgyu couldn’t identify, gesturing at his barely-touched plate. His lips formed into an ugly sneer that made his face resembled a mad dog. There was something very unpleasant about that man. “I want a replacement. A fresh steak.” 

There was not a single toothpick to be found in a fancy steakhouse at a high-end district such as this one where Beomgyu part-timed at. Not on the tables and not in the kitchen. 

Beomgyu felt the corner of his lips twitch in a barely contained snarl. He knew immediately what kind of customer he was dealing with at the moment: the proud, entitled and less-educated alpha who thought too highly of himself and his position within the sphere of social caste, his head stuck and not removed from the archaic construction of subgender conventions and politics. How this kind of alpha could end up in an expensive food joint like this one was always a wonder to Beomgyu. 

He replied, carefully maintaining a neutral tone, despite recognizing that he was going to be threading a fine line of what would be considered good customer service by his employer; “That’s not possible, sir. We have not one toothpick in this place.” 

The alpha cocked his head, possibly not expecting him to disagree so quickly and directly. His eyebrows were pinched and his severe gaze trailed over Beomgyu’s unyielding form from his head to his toes, sizing him up and down. “So, you’re saying that I’m lying. Is that it, little omega?”

A derisive snort almost escaped Beomgyu. There was nothing little about him—standing at 5’11” feet tall, he would argue that he was taller than most omegas and some alphas, perhaps even this one he was talking to right now. Oddly, it wasn’t the first time he was called small (or a variation of words with the same intended meaning), and he couldn’t understand where this obsession came from these male alphas. Or perhaps this man in white suit had meant little in a metaphorical way—which was honestly worse. 

Only ten more minutes before his shift ends, Beomgyu thought bitterly. If his day was already taking a 180 degree turn after he received that message from his mother, this encounter with an obnoxious stranger with too-small of a dick tucked between his legs was the cherry on top—the finishing touch to make him realize the true extent of shittiness that could happen to a human being in a single day. Oh, to be the chosen one. 

Beomgyu exhaled and bit his tongue, clenching his fist by his side. “I’m not saying that , sir. I was just trying to make clear that there’s no toothpick present at this establishment for this ‘mistake’ to be possible.” 

“Same thing, pretty thing. I don’t care what you have to say, I want my meal replaced with a new one,” the older man insisted arrogantly, staring at Beomgyu as if daring him to refuse him again. “You should listen to me while I’m still being nice.” 

“I can’t do that—I can’t replace your meal with a new one,” Beomgyu replied with finality. Life had been good enough to this man, granting him the luxury of material gains that could possibly last him an entire lifetime, and yet he chose to be a shitty person to a broke, humble waiter like Beomgyu. 

“Which part of what I said you don’t understand? You omegas are quite stupid, aren’t you? What, the only thing you’re good at is spreading your legs and begging for dick?” 

It was a combination of many things—the thing the alpha said to him and the condescending tone he was using, the annoying greasy hair and the crows’ feet and the rotten smell of the alpha’s pheromone wafting off of him, the ever-present anger Beomgyu had over the symbolic, pervasive man-made system of money money money for everything in life, the casual insult directed to Beomgyu and his identity as an omega like he chose to be one. But the final straw for Beomgyu was the moment he felt the older man’s thick and massive palm cupping the slight curve of his asscheek, giving it a light squeeze as if reprimanding him. 

Before he knew what he was doing, his fist had collided with the asshole’s cheek, sending him flying back in his chair a few feet away from him with blood dripping down his large nose. The dumbfounded expression of disbelief on the alpha’s face and the sting on Beomgyu’s knuckles caused a wave of satisfaction to ripple inside of him, lapping at his guts and soothing the burning rage there like a cooling balm. 

There was a gasp from a table nearby, and the silence that enveloped was deafening. 

It completely escaped him at the moment that he might lose his expensive and fancy waiting job, but dear god, had he needed that.

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“Wait, please wait,” Beomgyu heard the voice first before a hand was placed on his shoulder, effectively stopping him on his track. 

Beomgyu turned to face the person—a young man with wild and thick blond hair, a small hoop earring on one of his ears, towering over Beomgyu with his broad shoulders and bulky build. Beomgyu recognized him. It was the same face he sometimes saw on the small stage of the steakhouse, someone Beomgyu noticed because of his excellent skill with his instrument and because of his soft, attractive look. If his distinctive facial features were not already making him stand out among other faceless strangers Beomgyu encountered every day, the guitar case hanging at his back was a sure way to ascertain Beomgyu of his identity. 

“Uh, your slacks have a… People can see your, um, panty…” he stuttered out, voice small. A faint shade of red dusting his cheeks. 

“Sorry?” Beomgyu said, tilting his head in confusion. 

The young man cleared his throat awkwardly. “That man who bothered you just now, he took out a knife and made that cut when you didn’t look. Thank God you’re not injured? That was amazing, by the way—the way you handled a customer like him.”

Beomgyu reached to his back with his hand, finding the tear that ran vertically from the lower part of his buttock down to the middle of his thigh. No wonder it felt kind of breezy. 

The bastard . 

His jaw was clenched so hard his teeth and gum were starting to ache; the kind of ache that Beomgyu knew intimately would bloom upward and flared persistently behind his eyelids for possibly the next couple of days, made even worse when he had to sit in front of the laptop screen and work on his dissertation, and when the message from his mother had simmered for far too long for him to ignore and pretend to not exist. He would have a headache soon on top of everything else, as if the universe hadn’t had enough after chewing on him and spitting him out. 

It really made him wonder if he’d done anything untoward to anyone for him to deserve this. He was so tired. 

“Please… please don’t cry,” the blonde man squeaked, his voice cracking unflatteringly. The hands he kept at his sides began to flutter without direction, an obvious sign of nervousness. 

“I’m not crying, doofus! You think I’m gonna cry just because some alpha asshole thinks it’s a fantastic idea to make a rip on my pants so passerby can see the color of my panty just because I called out his stupidity and punched him in his fucking ugly face? Fuck, and this is my best slacks too!” exclaimed Beomgyu. His anger was so potent that the last part where he cursed was spoken in Korean, his native tongue. 

Despite what he said to the stranger, it immediately became clear that he was, in fact, about to cry . His throat closed up involuntarily, choking him in his next intake of breath. There was a sudden wet hotness in his eyes, blurring the view of the cobblestone pavement under his feet. And no, it wasn’t blurry because he forgot his glasses after he took out his contacts, like he sometimes did. 

“I’m really sorry about that. Just take this and cover up, please,” the other said in fluent Korean, frowning sympathetically as he fumbled out of his dark blue hoodie with abstract patterns at the bottom before thrusting it Beomgyu’s way. 

Perhaps it was the Korean—the sheer familiarity of the syllables and their utterance, the sore reminder that he was so far away in a foreign land by himself without anyone he could readily trust or depend on—that he felt a trickling sense of relief in him, despite the blond man not appearing to have been of Korean descent. But it was sufficient to startle Beomgyu awake from his emotional stupor, making him glaringly aware of his outburst in front of a kind stranger. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you. I’m just… going through a lot,” he finished lamely, using Korean too instead of English, sniffling and willing the tears to just magically go back inside his tear duct and dry this very instant please . This was enough humiliation he could handle. To scream at a douchebag who deserved it was at least justified in a way, but what had this guy even done besides telling him that he was walking with a hole in his pants that everyone could see? 

“It’s okay. Everyone has bad days,” the other replied, in such a kind tone, that it made Beomgyu even more ashamed for his earlier behavior. 

A chime signaling a message coming in was heard from the other man’s phone that he grasped in his hand. “Oh, I have to go. You can keep the hoodie. Please get home safe!” 

And the blond man was gone before Beomgyu could properly thank him. 

The hoodie was cozy and warm and smelled of orange and milk, with a hint of agave. An unusual mix, but the scent wasn’t unpleasant. It was refreshing and indulging and kind of sweet, something Beomgyu thought could only belong to a lovely omega. The weight of it settled comfortably on his hips as he wrapped it around himself and tied the sleeves on his stomach to cover the gaping cut on his pants. The quality of the hoodie seemed good, but it probably didn’t cost much for the stranger to be giving it away for free. 

When he arrived at his cheap three-room apartment that he shared with two other postgraduate students, it was fifteen minutes from eleven at night. There wasn’t much on his mind besides a shower, a light meal, and sleep. Tomorrow will be another tiring day, and he had little to none mental capacity to entertain anything beyond the basic physical needs. He shrugged off the hoodie and threw it carelessly on the neatly-made bed, and its brand label caught Beomgyu’s eyes under the dim yellow lighting of the apartment as he was in the middle of stripping off his ruined pants. He blinked twice, and took the hoodie back to make sure he was not seeing things.  

Nope, he wasn’t seeing things; it was a fucking Louis Vuitton hoodie. 

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Three days later, as he was spread naked in Liliana’s bed after a rather unproductive meeting with his research supervisor, he was still thinking about the hoodie that he hung with a hanger at the back of his door. Out of curiosity, he had googled the price online and found out that it was a whooping $2,690 per item—a total he would never have dreamed of having in his savings one moment at a time, let alone to spend to buy one hoodie. He hadn’t washed it too for fear his cheap detergent and softener would ruin the material. The scent of citrus and milk belonging to the blond young man still clung to the fabric, although its potency was slowly beginning to fade as more days passed. 

Should he sell it as a preloved item? That would be eating at his conscience, but he was tight on money! Surely the kind stranger would understand?

“Oi, you’re drifting,” she called out, spanking his pussy harshly and jolting him out of his reverie.

“Ouch, Lily, what the fuck? I—I was just thinking, okay.” 

“That’s so rude, dude. I was here tryna eat you out and you’re busy thinking about someone else?” 

“It’s important, and maybe you’re not trying hard enough,” he taunted.

She didn’t take the bait. 

“About your mom? She asking for money again?” Liliana tucked her dyed blue hair behind her ear and looked at him, all too familiar with his family situation.

He’d been sleeping with her quite regularly since he began his PhD program, not for a sentimental reason like attachment (he’d outgrown his tendency for romanticizing every aspect of his life—including and particularly of—his love life) but simply because she was easy and good laid, someone chill with plenty of issues like himself. They talked little of anything of substance, and when they did talk, they thred over the surface of their struggles lightly, glossing over any hardships and laughing about morbid stuff they said about people and the world.  

Stories about his family struggles were not something he aired out openly to everyone, but having been friends with her for nearly two years, some were bound to spill out.  

Speaking of his mother, he hadn’t come up with an adequate solution to scrap for the urgent money she was asking… 

“Yeah, though I’ve exhausted my TA salary, and the salary for my waiter job won’t come in until the end of the month. That, if I’m not fired.” 

“Fired? What did you do?”

“Punched a pervert in the face because he fucking groped me.” 

Liliana smirked and hummed in acknowledgement, seemingly deep in thought, but at least her fingers were back on him. They traced the outline of his exposed sex, feather light but purposeful, making him want to squirm. 

“Don’t think,” she commanded in that gentle but assured tone, “I’m here to make you forget, even if only for a while.” 

As she dived in to suck on his clit and finger-fucked him just right, as his lips loosened around the moans he let out and his head started to be submerged in that pleasant buzz of static sound, it occurred to Beomgyu again that female alphas were the best at sex. They were not knotted-heads like male alphas, and they were sensitive to the needs of their bed partners. They never cared to pay too much attention to the way he looked or the way he carried himself, about all his hard and sharp edges—his slight and bony structure, his boyish and delicate curves, his foul mouth, his scent that was less sweet and floral but cool like stream water. They just knew where to touch and what to say, knew how to make him feel worthy (not loved , but that was all the better) without the constant looming reminder of his subgender, like he wasn’t an omega more than he was just himself: a person, someone. 

Beomgyu probably had deeper, unresolved issues with his sexuality and body, as suggested by his first love and ex-boyfriend many years back. Even then the revelation hadn’t been a surprise to him, not exactly, but it remained a large part of his subconscious, buried underneath all the layers of his cloak of self-preservation. They had simmered within him for so long, taking a root and branching out from his flesh and blood, that it was more hurtful to actually do anything about it now. 

He could live with it, he decided. 

Sex was still an enjoyable activity to him, and the biological clock for his heat cycle was as normal as could be regardless of what his sound mind supplied—(his body would still ache and ache and ache against his will, recomposed into a tender vessel ripping apart at the seams for two to three days of rippling desire that was so strange yet so expected, sprung from the depth of his being and left him bruising with needs)—what was there to worry about? 

“You’re not gonna fuck me?” Beomgyu asked, after she had made him cum thrice. All the tension in his body seemed to have gathered at his nether region and left him earlier in the form of sticky, translucent wetness between his legs, leaving him a bit fuzzy and in a temporarily more relaxed headspace. 

“Aw, do you miss my cock, baby?” 

He scrunched his nose in distaste and threw a pillow at her. “Ew, gross.” 

“Gross is not really an answer, you know,” she teased. 

“No, I don’t miss it! I asked because—I don’t know— maybe because I was the only one who came?” 

“Your consideration for me is cute, but it’s fine.” She laughed, rising from the bed to trot over to her messy desk, where her laptop and notebook and all kinds of resources on her scientific study about recessive cells could be found. Library books, printed journal articles and printed textbooks she downloaded illegally, all the comments from her research supervisor that she jotted down on papers that she said since her first year she wanted to compile in a file but had yet to. The sight of her desk was hurting Beomgyu’s eyes, but somehow, she always knew where to find what she was looking for. 

Beomgyu was already half-dressed, moving slowly because his legs felt a bit like jelly, when she exclaimed, “Found it!”

She unceremoniously shoved a piece of flier to his face. 

“Surrogacy?” Beomgyu said a while later, still scanning the information written on the flier. He sat on the bed and pushed up his prescribed glasses that were dropping down the bridge of his nose, flinging his crumpled t-shirt on his bare shoulder as he crossed his legs. 

“Yup. I mean, if you really need money right now and are willing to give up your body for nine months,” she replied casually, and Beomgyu inwardly flinched at the implication. “You’ll get 100k first when you manage to conceive, and the remaining 200k after the baby is born. A total of 300k is a fuck ton of money if you ask me; bet the offer won’t be there for too long. Though I heard a rumor that the clients would so much prefer a Korean surrogate, so you’ll have an advantage if that’s true.” 

“Are they both alphas?” Beomgyu squinted his eyes, reading the bold line stating that the surrogate would also be the egg donor. “Where did you even get this info?”

“It’s spreading like a wildfire in my lab at the RUI. Partly because of the amount of money, and partly because it was Prof. Kang who filled in the clientele details, saying it was a favor for a good friend of his. Some people are speculating that it was simply a cover story, that he was actually the one looking for a surrogate.” 

Being in the Social Science and Humanity Department, Beomgyu didn’t know of a Prof. Kang or his influence, and he certainly knew very little of the science and technicality of surrogacy. But the amount of money offered was too immaculate to pass on. 

“This is not, like, a scam right? I mean, $300,000 ? That’s crazy,” he scoffed, in bewilderment that something this outrageous was possible. 

Liliana shrugged, dropping on the bed at his side like a starfish. “It could be a scam, if you find the offer with this amount of money outside. But Prof. Kang is an important figure within the RUI and is in association with the Health Center, so I doubt he’d do something that’ll put his reputation in jeopardy.” 

“This kind of thing requires approval from the Health Center before anything else, right? Why would they allow this much money as compensation in the first place, though? That’s really questionable.” 

“Don’t know for sure. Maybe they don’t really pay attention to that. Or maybe because there’s a rise of discussion about omega autonomy and livelihood in the current politics. Surrogacy has been traditionally considered an act of altruism, but there are many activists who are against this notion nowadays—arguing that pregnancy is a kind of a body horror, and that omegas participating should be compensated generously.” 

“Okay. But then, the subject of ethics has to be brought up. This is a discussion as old as time—just the same, repeated concept and arguments like, say, organ or blood donation and the red market. Oh well, I suppose surrogacy does fall under that umbrella,” Beomgyu mumbled mostly to himself, concluding the last part a bit later with a frown—the realization of how wrong it was from the perspective of social science studies was beginning to dawn on him. 

“Right. There’s still an ongoing debate about whether or not it’s ethical, but who cares if both parties involved are consenting?” Liliana stated in a matter-of-fact manner, poking at his upper left back side where Beomgyu knew a hideous white scar was present. His first love and ex-boyfriend used to kiss him there and call it his ‘battle scar’, although Beomgyu had never seen it as such. 

“You don’t have to do it, obviously,” she said after a moment passed, patting him on his butt reassuringly. “Your mom is always asking for too much money anyway.” 

“I know, but she’s a good mom. And I love her,” he replied, simply and without any hesitation, because it was the truth. 

That day, Beomgyu walked back home with the flier tucked inside the pocket of his jeans, burning a hole there and keeping his attention occupied. 

$300,000. That could last him for the entirety of his remaining three years of candidature period. In addition to his salary from being a Teaching Assistant, Beomgyu would have no problem sending his mom extra money monthly, and he’d still have enough to live comfortably. He wouldn’t need to squeeze time for part-timing in between the hours anymore, meaning he would have a much better use of his time, pouring a large portion of it on his research as any responsible student should. Basically, this could be the solution to the source of his every problem, if he managed to score it. 

The rushing thoughts that filled his mind came in a flurry, morphed into his blood streams and turned him warm with something akin to hope and excitement. In a fleeting moment, within that heightened state of mind, a small fear tugged at his heartstring and made itself known, but he tucked it away for the moment. 

It’s okay, he thought. He would be fine. 

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The Health Center of the university was not initially a place to seek medical care (they had the clinic for that). Its main purpose had been a research center, like RUI, but the focus was on developing medicine according to current subgender health concerns, while RUI was on creating a comprehensible link between the science of the body and the implementation of technology, particularly that of pheromones and other issues relating to subgender. 

Since a decade ago, however, it had adopted a new policy to meet the demand for students’ subgender healthcare, and now even known to non-students alike as a reliable place to resolve any concerns regarding subgender. 

The Health Center didn’t look any different from the hospitals outside—white walls and long hallways, with the smell of antiseptic and something bitter and decaying clouding the scents of other people present, the robotic voice announcing numbers through the speaker overhead, the blue of the workers’ uniforms.  

He had quite a number of memories about hospitals over the years, although the only time he was the one needing health care happened long ago. Back then he had been fifteen years old, freshly presented not a week before, with a deep gaping cut at his back from a broken glass. He was made to sit and waited for his turn to be attended after they deemed it not an urgent case. He was weeping and shaking the whole time, but not because of the pain. 

Back then he had been so angry (and so scared, although he didn’t like to admit this), bridled by a jolting, staggering realization of the true extent of his powerlessness. Growing up, he’d been taught that there were certain limitations and responsibilities that came with being born an alpha or an omega, but more than that, he’d been warned of his worth, about all the bad things that could happen to him because he was an omega. Of course he knew. Theoretically he knew, but the reality was far more bitter than what his young mind could fathom. 

“Beomgyu-ya, I’m so sorry. I’ll protect you, I promise,” his mom had told him then, hugging him tightly with the swell of her tummy pressed against his side. 

“How?” he inquired, feeling scared for her more than he could for himself. 

She was silent as she stared at Beomgyu, but it was less contemplative and more assertive, like it was something she had thought of before but never voiced. “I’m divorcing him.” 

That was nearly fifteen years ago, and sometimes Beomgyu wondered how his mother had remembered this event. Was it in a blur of gray or rose-tinted color? Was it something undoing or empowering? 

When his turn came, the health assistant at the counter handed him two forms, one for physical checkup and one for mental checkup. He was required to fill only the form for mental checkup by himself, which mostly comprised questions that he had to answer between a range of choice from ‘strongly agree’ to ‘strongly disagree’ and some questions with short answers. It was a surprisingly comprehensive form, evidently having been given a lot of thought. Beomgyu didn’t have the most stellar mental condition, but if life had taught him anything, it was that lying was not the most difficult thing nor was it the biggest sin. He breezed through the form, pausing intermittently to browse his earlier answers for consistency. There were some that were a bit tricky (like ‘what is happiness to you?’ or ‘what has happened recently that made you feel happy, worried, or sad?’—he wrote down both abstract and concrete answers for the former, and something realistic that made him both happy and worried for the latter).   

Not more than five minutes after he’d completed the form, he was called in for the physical checkup. He first had his blood taken and then made to lay on a bed in the scan room, where the omega specialist asked him to lift his hoodie before she applied gel at the area of his lower abdomen. His fists were clenched where his clothes bunched up on his stomach, palms clammy as he tried to slow down his breathing. 

“Nervous?” the omega specialist named Vila asked, calm and friendly, “This scan will only take a while. It’ll show the condition of your uterus and ovary. After this I have to prod you down there a bit, but it’s mostly painless.”  

Beomgyu nodded his head with a tight smile, keeping his gaze trained on the bright light overhead. He tried not to think too much of the prodding that would take place later, of the reminder of his place in this world and the purpose of his existence, of the greater implication that had and would encompass the history of his entire life—seeing that he was already teetering on the brink of a mild panic attack.

He took a deep breath and willed himself to let loose of the tension in his muscles.  

The tests he had to take took around thirty to forty minutes to finish, and another thirty minutes where he was seated in Dr. Vila’s room for an elaborate explanation of his omegan health after the physical report and the blood test came out. They talked extensively about many things, mostly with Dr. Vila questioning him and him answering her—about the frequency of his heat cycle and the suppressant he sometimes took when he was too busy to have three days off to ride it out, about the production of slick and his pheromone and scent glands, about whether he was on any contraceptive, and about a detailed history of other medical concerns in his family. That one particular topic about his past had to be brought up, of course, but thankfully it finished smoothly. Then they began discussing becoming an egg donor and a surrogate, including the possible methods of conception like artificial insemination and IVF, which was the real reason he was here in the first place.  

“You’re very healthy. I don’t see a problem for you to conceive,” she concluded the report, attaching the two forms together. “Although, I would reiterate that we usually don’t recommend surrogacy unless the person had gone through at least one successful pregnancy.”  

“Why? Is it likely that I won’t manage to carry it to term? Because of what I did when I got…” 

She smiled and tapped her feet, “Well, no, not because of that. It’s just that surrogacy is a lot of commitment. People commonly have a difficult time with their first pregnancy, and in your case especially, you’d feel the brunt of going through it without a partner. Real partner, I mean, not the intended parents.” 

“About that, any form of difficulty can be mitigated if we expect it, no?” 

“The thing is that one body can differ greatly from another. We can’t expect that you’ll have a specific allergy, or that your ailments will be the same with the next pregnant person—those issues will have to be solved as they come, and if they come at all,” she explained. “You have to remember too, that pregnancy is more than just a physical thing. It will affect the mind—your mental condition and consequently your emotions.”  

Logically he knew it wouldn’t be a walk in a park, that she could be right, but a stubborn part of him wanted to vehemently deny the statement. He’d been alone most of his life, and gone through some shit where he had to pick up the crumbled pieces of himself again and carry on with all the cracks. He had faith in his determination and strength. Plus, the clients may have asked for his complete medical report before their meeting this weekend, but Beomgyu honestly didn’t know if he’d legitimately be chosen, if this morning would not be a waste of his time. 

The last thing that Dr. Vila told him before he left the health center replayed in his mind: “The first pregnancy is often a special thing, something that you want to do for yourself and your partner, not for other people.” 

As he trudged through the sparse foyer of his faculty, making way to the postgraduate room at the second floor and found his designated seat, he wondered if what she said held any truth. And if so, would he be wrong to think that pregnancy was simply a means to an end for the continuation of human species, and he was just an irremovable part of the equation? Something ordinary, and perhaps undoing, instead of special? Something scary and life-changing, where your body would feel like it wasn’t your own anymore? Something that would carve itself a place within you and transform you permanently? 

He wondered: would this ever-present dissonance between the mind and the body and the instinct gnawing at his chest be a telltale sign of a crippling malfunction inside him, irreconcilable and irreparable forever?  

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It was ten-thirty sharp when he stepped foot in the underground cafe a few blocks from his workplace at the steakhouse. 

30 minutes early from the meeting time.

Beomgyu smoothed down the slight wrinkle on his shirt, frowning when it didn’t straighten out the way he desired. Perhaps he shouldn’t have worn this silk shirt. Perhaps he appeared overdressed for a meeting he’d been told was ‘casual’. But really, he had no clue what to wear, so he had asked for suggestions from his housemates. Although in the end it was reductive since none of them had a bone for a decent fashion taste, and Beomgyu had simply gone with the safest option he had in his wardrobe. 

His eyes searched for a table, and they settled upon the furthest one from the bar counter, under the warm lighting with a surrealist painting of absurd portrayal Beomgyu couldn’t begin to understand hung on the wall. It didn’t sit well in Beomgyu’s eyes—the painting—but it did suit the aesthetic and the ambience of the cafe: classy but had a somewhat dreamy, out-of-the-world quality to it. Just like the deep vermilion of the wooden table, the seemingly endless lines of sparkling glass bottles on the tall shelves behind the bar counter, the glossy finishing of the floor that caught his reflection on its surface. 

His fingers toyed with the glass of plain water the cafe served to everyone, gaze darting to the door from time to time to catch the sight of patrons coming in and going out. Beomgyu had no idea what they looked like—only the person he was in contact with would know Beomgyu from the softcopy of his personal profile he sent alongside his health report—but it didn’t stop him from looking. 

When they did arrive later, Beomgyu was surprised for a number of reasons. First, there weren’t two people as he’d expected, but three. Second, they were all very strikingly handsome and seemed to carry with them a glow that sparked for attention. From the moment they stepped foot into the cafe, people in there became aware of their presence, regardless of whether they actually meant to stare or steal a glance. Third, there was a familiar face among the three that Beomgyu could only wish his tired, sleep-deprived brain had mistaken for someone else. 

“Oh,” the blond man said quietly when they reached his table, and thankfully it went unnoticed to the rest. There was a flicker of recognition in his gaze; no doubt having retained his memory of their encounter. Beomgyu wanted to bury himself in the sand and never came out again. 

What were the odds that one of the clients was the same person who gave him the hoodie two weeks ago? Certainly not zero but what the fuck. 

In his need for a distraction from the fact, he diverted his attention to the other two men who he hadn’t seen before. If he wasn’t sure of the hoodie man’s ethnicity, these two men he could tell were Koreans at first glance. One of them stood almost eye-to-eye with Beomgyu, poised with a calm temperament. He had a very big pair of eyes behind his glasses; the burgundy of the frame matched the color of his dress shirt. The other man had a commanding and powerful presence to him, typical of old school alphas. He had sharp eyes and prominent pouty lips, dressed in an exquisite, well-tailored yet flamboyant magenta suit that was telling of his high status—someone made of old money. 

Immediately and unbidden, a seed of dislike was planted inside Beomgyu. He overlaid his grimace with a sweet smile. 

“Um,” Beomgyu began, clearing his throat and said in Korean, “Hi, my name is Choi Beomgyu. I was speaking to Mr. Choi in the messenger app?” 

“It’s me, I’m Mr. Choi. Choi Yeonjun,” the man in the tailored suit introduced himself as they all took a seat. He pointed first at the man with the glasses and then at the man with the blond hair, “These are my partners. Kang Taehyun and Kai Kamal Huening. There’s one more, but he’s not present today because he has another commitment.” 

A polycule, not with three but four people. Establishing a pack used to be the norm once upon a time but it was an archaic practice these days, one that didn’t bode very well in the modern time that valued individuality and independence. Now, Beomgyu had no prejudice against pack dynamics or polyamory (although he’d always considered himself monogamous if he were to be in a relationship), but four was quite a number to maintain. There must be at least one omega in the pack for balance and harmony, why would they even need a surrogate? 

“You must be wondering why we opt for surrogacy when there’s four of us,” Taehyun said, as if reading his mind. Very perceptive. Could this man be the same Prof. Kang that Liliana mentioned? Beomgyu wouldn’t be surprised if he was—he carried a certain presence to him. Not intimidating like Yeonjun, but one that screamed importance in a different way.

“Sorry, I do wonder. But it’s not my place to question that.” 

“Well, this meeting is arranged for discussion and questions. Including that one.” 

“I would question that too if I were you,” Yeonjun chimed in. “You see, Taehyun is a beta, and the rest of us are alphas. So, no omega to speak of. But we really want a child together.”  

“Oh,” Beomgyu replied, so eloquently, thinking back of the faint scent of orange and milk on the hoodie and how wrong he was to assume that Kai was an omega. “That sounds great. I mean, not everyone has children because they want children. You must be in a good place in your relationship to want one together.” 

“Thank you, and we are. I’m so happy I have them,” Yeonjun said, smiling with a fond look on his face. There was something else there too: pride. It wasn’t the kind of pride Beomgyu usually saw in alphas—the powerful, all-encompassing and self-centered pride—but instead one that was laced with genuine adoration and affection. That effectively lessened Yeonjun’s level of intimidation, although that gentleness in him seemed to be reserved exclusively for his partners the way his gaze hardened when it locked on Beomgyu again. 

As they placed their orders and waited for their drinks to be served, they unexpectedly started inquiring Beomgyu about his personal life instead of anything directly to do with the surrogacy. His studies, his part-time job, his dream and ambition, his thoughts on the most random things ever like favorite season and whether he preferred coffee or tea. Then they told him little tidbits about themselves: how long they had been together, what they do for a living, their favorite pastime activities. They prodded about him and exposed information about themselves, yet it was crystal clear to Beomgyu that these were of little importance to them—the surface knowledge, belonging to the safe public personas they paraded like suits that encased their true selves underneath. 

But still, somehow, each revelation came as a surprise not less than the next, particularly in regards to their career. Yeonjun was a chaebol (they didn’t use that exact wording, but alas, the implication was there) assigned as the branch leader for a high-tech computing system company operating in the States, Taehyun was indeed the same professor Liliana mentioned to be affiliated with the RUI, and Kai was a dual instrumentalist (the piano and the double bass) under the prestigious Bluebell Foundation Orchestra.

(It honestly made him wonder how Kai could end up taking not one but multiple commissions to play the guitar at a steakhouse on random weekday nights—no matter that it was a fancy steakhouse.)  

Twenty minutes into the conversation, the direction was finally shifting to the matter of importance, as he was handed a document with all the details of becoming an egg donor and a surrogate. It was a very comprehensive contract, with clear outlines of the process before, during, and after the surrogacy. Beomgyu skimmed through the first part of the contract that contained all the formal and legal stuff he imagined they pulled straight out of a template, barely making note of the list of mutual agreement between the intended parents and the surrogate. The second part of the contract, however, appeared to be customized according to the clients’ wants in terms of their involvement during the period of the pregnancy: a fortnightly meeting was required and a get together must be arranged at the end of every month, all doctor appointments must be attended by at least one of the intended parents, food intake and dietary of the surrogate must be noted and monitored, a friendly and harmonious relationship must be built and sustained throughout the contract period—to name a few. 

“It’s quite a long document. You can bring it back with you and take your time with it,” Taehyun stated, then continued again, effectively putting an end to Beomgyu’s preoccupation with the contract. “You said you’re a student, right? How would you plan to manage your study while you’re pregnant, if we proceed with the arrangement?” 

Beomgyu closed the document. He pressed the pads of his fingers against the glass of his iced tea as he contemplated, the coolness of it seeping into him and grounding him to the present. “I imagine it wouldn’t interfere much with my routine as a student, at least not beyond the point of it becoming a problem. Being pregnant is only a part of what my body will go through; it wouldn’t define me or reduce me. It may not be easy, yes, but I will survive it.” 

“Good answer,” Yeonjun commented vaguely, in an irritatingly neutral, almost dismissive tone. Perhaps it was partly disdain and partly astonishment for his prospect of business and wealth, but Beomgyu could perfectly imagine Yeonjun giving that same comment that he’d repeated a hundred times in meetings with his employees.  

“If I may ask, is the amount offered really $300,000? Because I find it difficult to believe…” Beomgyu trailed off, before he snapped his mouth shut, suddenly aware that he may have worded it wrong. 

Yeonjun’s brows shot up. “Oh, is it not enough? I told them that we should offer more.”  

“Oh, no! I mean it’s more than enough. It’s a very big amount for surrogacy; ten times more than the usual rate, I was told.”

“Yeonjun hyung has no sense of what’s too much or too little,” Kai butted in, speaking for the first time in a while, shaking his head. For now, he seemed keen to pretend that Beomgyu was a complete stranger he was seeing for the first time in his life. “Yes, Beomgyu-ssi. The amount of $300,000 compensation is correct—not counting the monthly allowances you will receive and other maternity expenses. But if you want more, that wouldn’t be a problem either.” 

Damn rich people, Beomgyu thought to himself, begrudgingly. 

It definitely wouldn’t make a dent on their finances should he ask for more, but Beomgyu had his pride and honor that he shall carry with him even at his lowest.  

“Thanks, but I believe the compensation is already very generous,” Beomgyu replied, turning his attention to Kai who smiled kindly at him. Strange it may be, but he found the smallest of comfort in the other’s presence, notwithstanding his moment of embarrassment in front of him prior to this meeting. Perhaps it was the way Kai presented himself—assured but slightly clumsy and awkward in his movements, not crisp and stuffy like Yeonjun and Taehyun but warm in his loose-fitting leather jacket. He wasn’t an open book, just like Taehyun and Yeonjun, and in fact was more likely than the two to harbor some contrasting thoughts behind the polite smile, but there was a hint of earnestness to him that sought to convince Beomgyu of his goodwill. 

The meeting went on for an hour—an amount of time in which Beomgyu tried and failed to feel at ease, not pertaining to the domineering presence of his companions that morning, certainly not —and ended with a concluding remark from Yeonjun that they should keep in touch. 

Once they were well on their way and only he remained at the table in the underground cafe, he returned to the document containing the contract, resolute to go over each word and not think about the way he remembered Yeonjun’s subtle habit of licking his pouty lips as he stared into Beomgyu’s eyes before he began his sentences, or Taehyun’s keen, inexplicable gaze pinning him in place throughout the meeting like he was a specimen in his lab, or even Kai’s preoccupation with the tiny moonstone crystal of Beomgyu’s necklace that nestled at the hollow of his throat—all gestures that would have sent him cowering, both in trepidation and excitement, should his heart still be so young it was as easily affected. 

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According to Yeonjun and Kai, they all should get on friendly terms before any decision for the surrogacy could be finalized. This had led to another meeting that came sooner than Beomgyu had expected. Although he supposed a meeting at an aquarium shall not be called a ‘meeting’ (with the serious implication). 

Why an aquarium? He had no fucking idea. 

This time, Beomgyu made sure to dress more casually and appropriately for the outing, choosing one of his better knitwears that he paired with a denim pants and the boots he wore twice a year so it retained its luster.  

He had a good feeling. It felt like he’d been preemptively chosen, only the words had yet to be spoken to him for it to be declared officially. Despite his fear of failure and aversion to keeping his hope high, he couldn’t help but imagine that he had passed the first phase and was well on his way to the second, if there was such a thing in place to begin with. 

“Do you take all your potential candidates for a date?” Beomgyu asked in a jest, when Yeonjun and him were left alone for Taehyun and Kai were away to buy them ice creams, his curiosity no longer containable. 

“Hm, what do you think?” replied he, in a question, instead. 

Yeonjun was also dressed more casually for the occasion, although his casual style still meant a set of luxurious, designer clothing that would possibly cost Beomgyu an arm and a leg to own. He was leaning onto the backrest of the bench near the aquarium entrance with his slender legs crossed, staring at the crowd of people walking past them behind the black shades he was wearing. It made him twice as attractive from the last time Beomgyu had seen him, but also twice as annoying. 

“I’m inclined to think that you do. I mean, I can’t be a special case, right?” Beomgyu shrugged. 

“So you think we’re generous people when it comes to time and money?” 

It took a while for Beomgyu to come up with a suitable answer. “I am not entirely sure if you’re generally generous people, but you certainly are with your time and money when it’s related to your desire for the acquisition of a child, which, by extension, involves me as your potential surrogate of the said child.”

“Acquisition?” Yeonjun parroted with an amused smile. “You have a funny way of speaking.”

“Oh, do I?”

“Hm, I didn’t take you as someone so…” he trailed off while nodding, seeming to ponder deeply for the right word, but instead of continuing he changed the trajectory of his utterance completely, deciding to finally give Beomgyu a proper reply to his very first question. “Actually no, you’re the only one. That we’ve invited to a ‘date’, as you put it.” 

Beomgyu felt his cheeks warmed significantly at the careless joke he’d made on baseless assumption, and at Yeonjun’s nonchalant manner at calling him out for referring to this meeting as a date. 

Kill him for jesting about it being a date, but what else would one have thought of first thing in this situation where one was invited out on a weekend to a fucking aquarium ? 

“There were only two before you, but both didn’t work out for us—one was a bit too young and ‘immature’, for the lack of a better word to describe her, while the other was too enthusiastic and crossed our boundaries. I think we’re lucky we found you early,” Yeonjun continued diplomatically, saving him from his embarrassment. 

“I see…”

“Sorry that we have to make you wait, though. My other partner has an emergency meeting with his manager this morning.” 

The sudden shift in conversation set Beomgyu tilting in his axis, trying to find the ground for this new topic. They were back to talking about things of little importance—the surface knowledge. “It’s fine. He seems very busy. What does he do for work?” 

“He’s an actor. But he didn’t actually start getting offers for big projects until last year,” Yeonjun replied, uncrossing his legs to stretch. 

“Oh, he’s an actor? That’s… interesting.” 

So, Choi Yeonjun was a chaebol with a twelve digit net worth, Kang Taehyun was a renowned professor within the RUI, and Huening Kai was a gifted instrumentalist who played the piano and the double bass for a world class orchestra. Now the last one among them was an actor?—and must have been a talented one to have a place in Hollywood. Just what kind of picture-perfect fiction these people came out from?

Yeonjun snorted softly at his expression. “He’s quite popular these days. Meaning he’s busier too, but I think it’s fine as long as he wants to do it. Believe it or not, he’s the most excited about this whole surrogacy business, but his work has been keeping him mostly away for now.” 

“What’s his name? Maybe I’ve heard of him.” There was no chance Beomgyu knew; he barely had enough time for himself, let alone to indulge in fanciful pleasure such as keeping up-to-date on anything related to the filming industry.

“Oh, we haven’t even told you his name?”

“I don’t think so. I can’t recall.”

“Choi Soobin. Ring any bell?” 

There was only one Choi Soobin that Beomgyu knew of, and that was his first love and ex-boyfriend back in Korea with whom he had started going out with when he was a second year undergraduate. They couldn’t possibly be the same person, right? 

Right? 

A rising actor, an alpha.

Choi Soobin—Beomgyu’s Choi Soobin, not their Choi Soobin—was an alpha, and had been a theater major in university when they first met. He was good of course, but he wasn’t particularly known to be so good that he could be a Hollywood star. The first year after they both graduated with their respective bachelor degrees and began living together scraping for money, Soobin hadn’t landed any leading roles in the plays and the indie movies he was participating in. This stayed true until they broke off their relationship and separated three months after their fourth anniversary. And Beomgyu’s Choi Soobin should be somewhere in Korea, not in the States. 

Still, his stomach was beginning to feel uneasy. Seeing that the patterns of luck and coincidence in his life had taken a turn and been rather surprisingly unpredictable these days. 

At least this uneasy feeling was interrupted and forgotten the moment Taehyun and Kai returned with ice creams for them to enjoy. They ate the ice creams and kept themselves occupied with small talks that were sufficiently uncomplicated to keep up with, and captivating enough for them to flow smoothly. This second meeting proved to be productive in terms of learning about each other and getting used to each other, notwithstanding the nagging feeling in Beomgyu that he remained an outsider with a perceived, controlled vision of only what they wished to show to him. 

It shouldn’t have bothered him to be an outsider. It wasn’t a choice to start with—it was a fact he couldn’t change—that he was an outsider and shall remain an outsider. Logically he knew he would have preferred this form of arrangement over anything else, and he might as well consider himself mad for wanting to demand something beyond what the other party could offer him, yet it felt inherently wrong for Beomgyu to not have known them beyond their crafted public personas. There was something about this unknowableness he attributed to them that unsettled him and intrigued him terribly. 

Someone approached them just a moment after Beomgyu finished his ice cream, and it became clear he was the one they were waiting for because Kai exclaimed ‘Soobin hyung’ cheerily, like he hadn’t seen him in a while. Beomgyu followed their gaze to find a tall man in a navy blue polo shirt and a pair of black slacks, with a hat and a mask covering the lower half of his face. He may be covered quite well, but Beomgyu wouldn’t mistake that face anywhere. 

Five years could be a long time or a short time, depending on perspective. For Beomgyu, personally, these past five years had been moving in a blur of colors and change of scenery, like he was in a train moving from his home to the next unknown destination. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, painful at first before it unfurled into something tender and beautiful, but that was because he willed that to happen (if he couldn’t assume control of what he was feeling inside, then he must assume control of his viewpoint). 

To part was already an enormous task, so Beomgyu hadn’t entertained the thought of meeting him again much, if at all, and due to that, he definitely hadn’t had it in him to expect that their reunion would be affecting him in this way. 

Five years should have been a period sufficient for his guilt to fizzle out, his grief to wane, and his wound to heal—as to not cause heartache at the reminder of the person he’d lost. But he was wrong. 

The dread that washed his insides was startling and cold like an ice bath that rendered him shivering in its wake. And he shivered , visibly, like the early summer heat shining down on him was instead a breezy wind of winter. He may not have had anything except ice cream for the day, but he felt it was not entirely impossible that he would crouch down the curbside and puke his guts out. 

The male alpha, who wasn’t simply resembling his Choi Soobin both in name and face but was the very same Choi Soobin he knew of, regarded him with a surprised expression that morphed into a mix of horrified and disbelief. “Choi Beomgyu?”

Chapter Text

There were things in life a person would only come to know if they had to experience and go through them. Thinking and imagining certain traumatic or life-changing situations were possible, but the scenarios would be sifted by one’s intellectual capacity at understanding them, by one’s viewpoint shaped through the limit of the mind, by one’s very inability to submerge  into the inaccessibles and discern the unknowns. 

This particular distinction was made by his lecturer during the opening lesson to the study of the mind he had to take for his minor in philosophy when he was an undergrad. In the tutorial class following the lecture, he was tasked with three other group members to outline and discuss some traumatic or life-changing events in life through which the inseparable relations between the mind and the body may be exemplified, as well as the theory that may supplement their understanding. 

The list was pretty simple and without much substance, for they were words in a blank piece of sheet. The substance, or rather the true scope pertaining the words, was instilled within the dialogue they partook about the nature of such traumas, 

1. Sexual assault
2. Abuse
3. Pregnancy, Miscarriage, and Birthing 
4. Depression 
5. Marriage, Divorce

Beomgyu remembered turning a blind eye on number 2 because it hit too close to home, and having focused instead on number 3 of the list, simply by association to his biology rather than a concrete interest on the topics, as each member contributed to the discussion. He listened to another omega in the group, a petite young girl with a sweet face, who had spoken bluntly about her own experience with miscarriage. They let her share about the anguish and the oddity of such anguish she learned belatedly to be very real and corporeal, although the conversation deviated from the intellectual discussion they had strived for. 

It wasn’t an isolated incident over the years, but in that moment, he felt strongly the transcending desire to separate his mind from his body, just so he would be spared of this intricate, complex intertwining between the omegan biology with the mental state, and the lack of logical explanation over these overpowering aspects that shall continue to shadow his life. 

Throughout history, this dissonance between the mind (and by extension the instinct) and the body had been explored and recorded in many areas of studies—social science, psychology, philosophy, literature, just to name a few. The novelists, the poets, the philosophers, the metaphysicians, the doctors, the psychoanalysts, the dream analysts, the thinkers. They had contemplated, branched out ideas about the nature of being and existing, and highlighted the discrepancies of the subgender’s traits and the rational mind with human autonomy. They offered their viewpoints, and required that their fellow thinkers to think and consider these ideas themselves.

Beomgyu thought, and he fell deeper into the abyss where his own confusing, overlapping thoughts echoed endlessly. 

It wasn’t that Beomgyu didn’t like being an omega or feel like he wasn’t an omega, in fact he couldn’t see himself as anything but, and still all the implications that this identity brought about was a sense of indigenousness and incongruity that lain dormant but ever-present in him. He was caught in the crossfire between the mind and the body at war with each other. Foolish it may be, but nothing could ever happen with the absence of one—his mind or his body, although he would much prefer to give up his body than anything else.   

The fact that he so willingly committed to being a surrogate after all this time was laughable—and he would have laughed, if only he could justify doing this for any other reasons besides money. Money. Of all things, for fuck’s sake. 

Beomgyu sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, wrapped his arms around his middle, and curled into a ball on his bed. The posture provided him with an illusion of comfort, like he was safe and blameless and without a solid sense of self—pure and empty and unfabricated of all the sordid things of the material world that came with consciousness. 

He saw the lights outside flickered through the window in dots of bright neon colors. It was a bit cool that night, and he had a fleeting thought to skip shower and go to sleep as he was right then, without shrugging off the knitwear and the denim he wore to the aquarium that morning. The regret of doing that would dawn on him in the morning, but he really didn’t have it in him to move even a single inch now—weighed by the insurmountable emotions he couldn’t begin to process or decipher one by one. 

The unexpected reunion with Soobin had conjured up an unpleasant feeling and sprouted out a bad memory like it was a flower blooming upon a fertile soil, although nothing about it was beautiful. A memory—one that he’d rather left buried in the deepest part of his psyche, encased in a glass casket where it lay asleep, cloistered but not entirely forgotten. It hadn’t fully resurfaced to his consciousness in a long while, suppressed by the frantic lifestyle he’d adopted for the last two years where time for anything else besides work and study was a luxury he couldn’t afford. The reappearance of Soobin was the single factor that shattered his fragile, carefully constructed peace. 

It sprung forth within Beomgyu again—those hateful, critical voices criticizing him for his short-sightedness that birthed and added to his sufferings. There was no one at fault but himself, no matter that he thought it was unfair that he was left alone by himself and without Soobin’s support. Because he made the decision five years ago, didn’t he? That he’d wipe clean of any trace that could lead back to that, and keep Soobin in the dark about it? Hadn’t their relationship grown bitter in the weeks leading to their breakup, crumbling like a sandcastle washed by the waves, because Beomgyu couldn’t bear the guilt of keeping such a secret from Soobin every time he had to face Soobin? Even before it could come to that point, it didn’t take much for him to reach to that decision, despite how cruel and dehumanizing—

His phone vibrated, startling him out of his spiraling thoughts. The digital clock at his bedside table glowed, showing that it was already past ten at night. How long had he been lying down on his bed, doing absolutely nothing? 

Beomgyu checked his phone to see that the call was from his mother. He doubted it’d be about money again. He had sent her his remaining salary as waiter at the steakhouse that came in last week—the last paycheck he would receive from that place for he’d been fired for his ‘misconduct’. According to his employer, Beomgyu had always been a bit hot-headed and headstrong for an omega, a sentiment which Beomgyu saw as a lapse of judgment made by his employer about his character. 

He considered rejecting the call, but he hadn’t answered any of her calls the past few days. She would be worried.

Her soft voice greeted him. “Beomgyu-ya. How are you? You haven’t been calling me these days.”

Beomgyu hummed half-heartedly, trying to gather but not finding the strength to respond with more enthusiasm. 

After his prolonged silence, his mother asked, “Darling, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, mom. Just tired, you know. The usual things,” he finally said. It came out a bit shaky. 

He didn’t know when exactly he started keeping secrets from his mother. They used to be so close—she was the cornerstone of his life, his pillar of emotional support. But the distance between them felt more palpable than ever, a gap he didn’t realize he’d created at one point but had now stretched far enough it couldn’t be bridged anymore. Sometimes he looked back at the time he couldn’t return, and mourned the losses of warmth from the people he loved and the people who loved him. Hearing her concerned voice asking about his well-being, knowing that it was prompted on the basis of her love for him, only served to make him feel more lonely. So lonely. 

Beomgyu exhaled and bit his lower lip to keep himself quiet, as he wiped the tears that started to pool in his eyes. 

“Have you had dinner? It’s evening over there, right?” his mother asked. 

He cleared his throat, and with great effort, rose from his crumpled position and started rearranging his pillow so he could lean over the headboard of the bed. “Hm, it’s past dinner time, mom. I’m in my bed now.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m rather old now, I keep forgetting your timezone. Were you sleeping?” 

“No, just lying down. You didn’t wake me.” 

There was a pregnant pause. Perhaps his mother was assessing him, guessing whether he was telling the truth or  spouting out a lie to appease her worries. 

“How’s Haneul? Is she doing well? How’s the new school?” Beomgyu began again, before she could question him about things he couldn’t give her answers for. 

“She’s well. The new school is great, much better than the last one. The facilities are disability-friendly, and her new friends seem like nice kids. She’s adjusting alright, but she’s been saying that she misses you.”

“Really? She was still a baby when I went to university, and I didn’t get to spend a lot of time at home after. Does she even remember me?” 

“Oh please. You know she takes great pride in you. Always going on and on about how smart and handsome her older brother is.” 

His lips formed into a smile. He knew Haneul did, and the reminder of her sheer innocence and faith in him was refreshing. He wished he could preserve that forever.

“What about you, mom? How are you?”

“Same old, my dear,” she said. He heard her sigh at the other end of the line, and before she could start again, he knew what she had to say, and felt an aching sort of emptiness that he so often experienced whenever she apologized to him about something she wasn’t responsible for. “I’m really sorry for asking too much of you. I had to pay double the usual amount because I skipped last month’s payment. The new school aside, Haneul’s hearing aids stopped working suddenly, so I used the money you sent to buy new ones and didn’t have enough to pay them on time last month.”

“It’s okay, mom. I know. It wasn’t your fault,” Beomgyu reassured her. Even this string of reply was something he so often repeated it had lost its meaning. 

Their conversation carried on for some time, containing dry exchanges of their daily life. Once the call ended, and after having ample strength returning to his limbs, Beomgyu opened the window and let the cool air caress his cheeks. The cacophony of sounds from outside penetrated the quietness he wished to retain, but the room stank too much of his sadness for him to be going to sleep peacefully. 

He checked his phone, knowing there was a notification of messages from Yeonjun. Around three hours ago. 

Choi Yeonjun

Beomgyu, did you get home safe?

Thanks for coming. It’s been a while since my partners and I have all gathered for a fun activity🙂

BTW, Kai bought a bamboo shark plushie for you

I suppose it’s kind of cute, but don’t be shy to turn him down if you don’t want it

He’d keep it himself—he’s a plushie connoisseur

Me

I did get home safe, thanks 

No, thanks for inviting me. I had fun😊😊😊

That’s very nice of him. It doesn’t matter; I’d keep it for sure

It’s the intention that counts 

Thanks for the head-up(?)

He didn’t expect a reply coming from Yeonjun, seeing that it was past the appropriate window of time for him to respond, especially since it was almost midnight and it would be Monday tomorrow. After a quick shower, he closed the window back, put on Kai’s hoodie on top of his own pajamas, and crashed into his bed ungracefully. 

The notion of sleeping in another person’s clothes, particularly an attractive alpha’s with whom he’d intent to keep at an arm’s length distance, was so contradictory and embarrassing that color filled his cheeks. Ignoring the way his cheeks heated up, he brought the sleeve to his nose and sniffed delicately, trying to pick up that note of citrus and milk and agave that belonged to the awkward, but kind and gentle alpha. 

But Beomgyu couldn’t smell Kai’s scent on the hoodie anymore, and the lack of warmth— presence —that could have made up for the absence of his scent, did nothing to lessen his emotional discomfort and the need to have someone holding him in his moment of weakness. It only became a sore reminder of his loneliness, of the entirety of his existential being. The realization was painful, but still, he drew the hoodie tighter, to bring the warmth of himself underneath closer. 

His phone buzzed. The screen lit up in the dark to show messages from Yeonjun.   

Choi Yeonjun

Oh, I ruined his surprise, didn’t I?

Please pretend I didn’t tell you any of this

Beomgyu intended to laugh, but all that came out of his mouth was a small puff of air. He had grown sluggish, and thinking of a proper reply seemed to take up much energy. So he simply typed a somewhat coherent reply just so he didn’t leave Yeonjun’s chat on read.  

Me

Iss kay

Night 

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.

The cheap apartment had a new tenant who Beomgyu was not particularly fond of. Ezra, the youngest among them, had completed his study about mushroom agriculture a month ago, so they had to welcome a new tenant. If the poor condition of the apartment would usually drive anyone away, the short walking distance from the apartment to the university and the drastically inexpensive rent were big attracter for students who were either saving money for future endeavors or liked to spend money somewhere else like branded clothes and luxurious food without caring too much about their living space.  

The new tenant was called Francesca, despite him being a male and clearly of Chinese descent. He was an alpha, and while they were not supposed to welcome alphas, the arrangement was made on the basis that Francesca was not into omegas. It wasn’t the fact that he was an alpha that didn’t endear him to Beomgyu (no, Beomgyu was not an alpha-hater), but rather the fact that he kept bringing different visitors into their shared space over the course of his stay (no, it didn’t matter that he brought them into his room and not the common area). The scents of his visitors would linger in the enclosed space of the apartment, regardless of their visit being short or how well Francesca tried to conceal them.

It mildly annoyed Beomgyu during his best days, and got him into a bad mood during his bad days. 

So, it was an unexpected occurrence that he found himself sitting crossed-legged in front of the couch, nursing his second can of beer that night, courtesy to the alpha who insisted that it was his treat for his long-overdue welcome party. 

Francesca was a surprisingly cool guy, but his coolness was not so overpowering that he couldn’t mix well with him. They could get by okay, once they actually started talking with each other beyond the hasty, casual greeting they often threw around. 

Beomgyu had gone out of his room to get a glass of water during his thesis-writing break when he was roped into the little gathering. Dewi and Mikhail, the omega lovebirds who shared one of the rooms together and had been tenants since before Beomgyu joined them, were also present. With the four of them in the cramped living room, drinking and eating and talking, it wasn’t difficult to fall into a temporary atmosphere of ease and familiarity. A bubble they encapsulated themselves in, one that would keep their conversation within this space and disperse what was spoken into nothingness once it was popped. 

Although he could be spending his time better, Beomgyu was grateful for the distraction, for his writing progress was very much stilted with the thought of Soobin and his three boyfriends still weighing heavy in his mind, like a boulder that refused to move no matter how much he pushed. Briefly he thought about contacting Yeonjun and calling off the surrogacy contract even before they could reach a formal agreement. Honestly, the fact that Yeonjun hadn’t called it off himself, made Beomgyu wonder if Soobin hadn’t told his partners anything about their past. Or if he had, whether his partners and him had decided to put off any decision at the moment. 

Something in him withered at the prospect of not only having to let go of such a huge amount of money, but also of possibly tarnishing his own image and disappointing them at the discovery of his identity as Soobin’s ex. It bothered him significantly should Yeonjun and Taehyun and Kai learn about his past with Soobin, not due to his prior association with Soobin himself but the nature in which their breakup had come about. They would come to dislike him, Beomgyu was certain of this. 

In that case, he would have to truly look for a new part-time job, one that would definitely pay less than his waiting job. He was lucky with his previous job, having been recommended by a senior of his in the faculty who quitted the position after he graduated. 

“What’s so great about alphas?” Dewi prodded, directing the question at Francesca. 

“I could ask you the same. What’s so great about omegas?” 

“Geez, fine. No prejudice, honest curiosity. Just answer the question.” 

Francesca was sharing, rather passionately, about his extensive dating experiences when he was in high school and still exploring. Inevitably, the topic of his interest in other alphas was brought up in the conversation. 

“Honestly, I don’t fucking know. There are more cons than pros. Rut, in particular, is a real pain in the ass,” he replied, shrugging. 

“Why, because you bottom?” Dewi smirked and laughed when Francesca glared at her. “Oh well, I suppose we’re not that different, except for your trash personality. I always hate it when people ask me the same thing about omegas. Can’t really explain it.” 

“How’s the dynamic in an alpha-alpha relationship?” Beomgyu inquired with Francesca out of pure curiosity. At the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but recall the four men he acquainted recently. He imagined Taehyun must have been having a rough time being the only beta in the group. 

“Hm, it depends, I guess. It can be pretty intense—all these clashing pheromones that just don’t work together will incite conflict of power between you and your partner, but it gets much easier once you can get past that though. It can also be pretty chill from the get-go, although this second instance happens rarely. In this case, one of the alphas definitely takes on a less dominant role, which poses no problem because of the absence of power struggle,” Francesca explained. 

Beomgyu wondered which of the two applied to the members of the pack. They all seemed relatively established at the moment, having gone past any hurdle that could come with being mated to other alphas. Before it came to this point, though, how did they deal with conflicts and keeping up harmony with only a beta in the group? Beomgyu may be biased but he couldn’t foresee a polyamorous relationship flourishing without the presence of an omega.  

“Alphas are so stupid…” Dewi remarked, shaking her head like the revelation was the disappointment of the century.

Francesca tutted. “As if omegas are any better.”

“We are better. We don’t have to deal with ‘power struggle’, we just cuddle and scent each other a lot. Don’t understand how omegas can even like alphas.” 

“Beomgyu is an omega who’s into alphas,” Mikhail scolded her gently—Dewi could be very passionate about her point of view, although it was often not out of malice. 

He knew it was an offhand statement without a need for an answer from him, but Beomgyu felt compelled to say something. “I’m not sure why… it just feels natural to me? I mean, many alphas are shitty so I have a soft spot for the good ones I know. Though I don’t mind being with an omega—it just hasn’t happened.” 

Beomgyu had never been with an omega, but he could see the appeal. In fact, when a female omega who shared the postgraduate room with him approached him and invited him for a date last year, he’d considered her invitation seriously. The reason he rejected her was because of how busy he’d been, in addition to the fact that he wasn’t in a good headspace for a new romantic relationship. 

After Soobin, he didn’t feel like he could belong to anyone or be in a relationship. Too much time and energy, too much of himself given away for something so precarious. It didn’t hurt as much anymore, but life had been so bleak for Beomgyu in the first year of their breakup. The heartache. The long, cold, and sleepless nights getting used to Soobin’s absence in his bed. The constant reminder of how intertwined their existence was to each other, of how the traces of Soobin can be found in the most mundane things he could be doing: eating late night snacks would remind Beomgyu that he used to do the same with Soobin after they both got off long-hours of work, browsing perfume would remind Beomgyu of the essential oil Soobin had bought for him when he was struggling with insomnia, seeing a maltese would remind Beomgyu that the alpha had endearingly referred to him as such ( “My maltese,” Soobin would always say when Beomgyu was being particularly playful and clingy). He was everywhere, in every waking hour. 

Dewi whistled and nudged him playfully. “So I’m free to hit on you?” 

“You have a boyfriend. I don’t wanna get strangled by Mikhail,” Beomgyu deflected, rolling his eyes at her. He wasn’t quite sure if he should ask, but a part of him was desperate for an outsider’s opinion. “Can I ask for you guys’ takes on something?”   

“Shoot,” Francesca said. 

“Say, hypothetically, if your ex shows up in your life again after years of separation, but in this situation, you can’t run away and are required to work together somehow, what would you do? The breakup was bad by the way, and they got off on a bad note.”

“ Hypothetical, ” Dewi snorted, immediately catching on to his lie. “Okay, let’s pretend that it’s really hypothetical. I would just pretend nothing happened between us and endure the interactions.”

“Easy for you to say. Not everyone can do that,” Mikhail commented, and turned to face him. “I’m guessing this ‘hypothetical’ situation requires more delicacy in how you could handle it. Well, if it were me, Beomgyu, the solution is to talk it out. Since I can’t run away and we have to be in somewhat civil terms with each other, I would make the first move and establish boundaries.”

“Talking has never worked for me, though,” Francesca blurted out.

Mikhail immediately retaliated. “That’s because you’re just like Dewi—indifferent and lacking sensitivity. Not saying you both are bad, but definitely not the kind of people who are good at confrontation.” 

“I’m not good at talking either…” Beomgyu said, frowning. 

Mikhail stared at him. “Bullshit, you’re good at talking. Remember that time when Ezra and Dewi fought about that stupid cactus and didn’t talk to each other for a week? You were the one who reached to both of them and fixed the situation.”

“That’s a one-time thing. Plus, the fight didn’t involve me .” 

“Okay, fair. But you seem like someone who’s good at talking.”

“Very helpful, Mikhail. Thank you for your input,” Beomgyu said sarcastically. “But seriously. Will talking it out really help?”

“Right. It’s gonna be awkward as hell… I don’t think it’s a bad idea, though I’d personally not do that,” Francesca added to the discussion. 

Beomgyu stared at his lap, considering the two options his roommates gave him. Neither of the two was favorable to him. With the way his brain had been burdened the past two days since their meeting, there was truly only one option left, one that he’d thought of but dismissed because he was looking for a way out. 

He sighed and dawned the rest of his beer. The liquid burned down his throat, melting off the doubts he had about the action he should take. Mikhail was right. He should get that first move so at least he had an upper hand, making a show that he had the situation completely under his control. 

.

.

.

“What are you gonna have?” Soobin asked from his side, his voice muffled under the face mask he was wearing. 

Beomgyu scanned the menu of the Korean snack stall. Everything was offensively pricey—how could a small serving of stir fry tteokbokki cost $7, or a cup of fish cake soup cost $8? The only redeeming quality about the stall was the fact that it was tended by a Korean aunty and her daughter, so at least they would be paying for authentic Korean food. There were other stalls in the night market of course, but he was certain that the price of the food wouldn’t be any better. 

“I don’t feel like having anything,” he finally said. 

As if Soobin didn’t hear him, the alpha continued on, “Hotteok? You still like it?” 

Hotteok was $5 per piece. Too expensive. He refused to pay for that. 

“One hotteok and one fish cake soup, please,” Soobin said to the aunty, without waiting for his reply. 

Beomgyu elbowed him, pouting at Soobin. The other simply raised one eyebrow and mouthed ‘what’ to him. 

When their orders were done and Soobin paid for both, they strolled along the stone path leading to the garden with a manmade lake in the middle in silence. The music grew fainter the further they strayed from the bustle of people and activities, only the muted footsteps of shoes against the pavement following them from behind that made the atmosphere slightly jarring than peaceful. Beomgyu knew they belonged to Taehyun, and Taehyun wouldn’t barge into their conversation, but he hadn’t expected the presence of another person when he contacted Soobin and arranged this meeting—it threw him off his balance a little. 

They sat at an empty bench under an orange overhead lamp side by side. Soobin’s scent of green forest and orchid leaked out of the scent patch that he’d probably been wearing since early that morning, having lost its full effectiveness and filling the air surrounding them with the trace of his scent. It was a pleasant scent for an alpha—not too in the face, but distinctive enough. It suited his image and personality. 

Soobin pushed the hotteok wrapped in a brown paper to him wordlessly, looking expectantly at him and muttering, “Just eat. It’s my treat.” 

Beomgyu held onto the wrapper, watching as Soobin pushed back his hair and took off his face mask. Under the orange glow, what emerged beneath the cover was a visage of someone Beomgyu had known intimately, someone whose nose and eyes and lips Beomgyu had felt upon his fingertips. Soobin hadn’t changed much, even the traces of exhaustion mirrored the same one he used to wear back then, only more intense. 

With how busy Soobin was, it had been difficult to agree to a time in which they were both free. Currently, it was around ten at night the Saturday following the meeting at the aquarium. Almost a week had passed by since. 

It was a suspiciously uneventful week, if Beomgyu had a say. On Tuesday that week, Yeonjun had created a group chat in KakaoTalk for him and the rest of the pack members in order to communicate their future arrangement easier, although the contract had yet to be signed by both parties involved for them to proceed with the next step. That was the main and original purpose of the group chat, but they conversed with him about other stuff unrelated to it, too. It functioned more like a group chat between friends. 

Beomgyu didn’t know what to take from this outcome. It confused him. Did they know about his and Soobin’s past relationship? If they did, why would they continue on with him as the surrogate and the egg donor? If they didn’t, how would Soobin explain that expression on his face that had come with the slip up of Beomgyu’s name, of him knowing Beomgyu before they were properly introduced? 

“So, what did you tell them about me?” Beomgyu began straight to the point. No point in beating around the bush. 

Soobin’s cool, collected expression that he maintained finally cracked somewhat. “Why would you assume I told them anything about you?”  

“Why wouldn’t you? I mean, Taehyun sure seems like he knows something.” 

Soobin sighed, glancing at Taehyun who was standing by the lake with his arms crossed, occasionally glancing their way but otherwise enjoying the scenery of the night lit up by artificial lights of the buildings in the distance, wanting to give them the privacy they needed. “I did mention to my partners I had an ex when we first got together, but they didn’t know that person was you. And I told them after the aquarium outing that you were an acquaintance from university, not my ex. Taehyun was a friend of my friend from back then—Yoona—if you remember her. So he knows because I’ve known him the longest and I can’t lie to him—he was already there in my life when you dumped me.” 

“I didn’t dump you.” 

Soobin narrowed his eyes on him. “Don’t even start. You left our apartment with all your belongings and never came back. You blocked my number, cut off all contact with me. What else was I supposed to think in that situation?” 

‘I didn’t dump you , I dumped me, ’ Beomgyu wanted to say, but it wouldn’t make sense. Nothing he could have said to Soobin would make sense as long as Soobin remained ignorant of that one piece of information Beomgyu had withheld from him all these years. And Beomgyu swore to guard that secret forever. He imagined his image was already unflattering the moment he dropped their relationship like those four years together didn’t mean anything, but it could plummet down to the deepest pit of hell if Soobin found out what he did. 

“Look, Beomgyu. You were the one who broke things off with me, and I’m sure as heck I have all the rights to be mad at you. But I can’t, and I won’t.” 

“Why can’t you? Why won’t you?” he asked, sullen and insistent. 

Soobin scoffed and shook his head, staring at Beomgyu in disbelief. “Huh? What, do you want me to be mad at you?” Soobin took a deep breath and let out a frustrated sigh when Beomgyu remained silent. His eyebrows were pinched and suddenly he appeared older, more mature in a way Beomgyu had once foolishly believed without a  doubt he’d be able to witness by his side. 

“So you’d feel better? Because you ‘deserve’ my anger? That’d only satisfy you , not me,” Soobin suggested boldly. 

“For god’s sake, I only meant that it’s a reasonable response for most people, okay. You don’t need to psychoanalyze me,” Beomgyu grumbled. He glared at nothing in the distance and took a big, angry bite of the hotteok as if chewing it aggressively would quell his annoyance.

Soobin looked at him pointedly, placing down the untouched cup of fish cake soup on the bench and changing the topic suddenly. “You won’t call off the arrangement, right? Just between you and me, my partners seem to have taken a liking to you and I don’t want to upset them. And honestly, I don’t really care that much anymore. What happened between us—it’s all in the past, and I’ve already moved on with different partners.” 

Fuck, that stung like a bitch. To know that Soobin was living his best life after their breakup was one thing, but to hear it directly from the man himself was another. There was something disconcerting about the knowledge that Beomgyu was a part of the bad things that ever happened to him, and yet despite the pain he caused him, Soobin could face him without a speckle of hostility.  

Hatred or anger would be a much better response than this passive indifference. Beomgyu would rather have Soobin screaming in his face, faulting him for his selfishness and inconsiderate action for leaving without a word. 

Although, deep down, he knew that Soobin wasn’t that kind of person. Hadn’t that been the very reason why Soobin was special and very dear to him—for his big heart, for his enduring patience and kindness for Beomgyu when Beomgyu loved in such an immature, childish way?

Beomgyu swallowed with difficulty, like his throat was lodged with a big chunk of stone that he was forced to consume. That was the first sign of him getting emotional, but he would rather die than cry in front of Soobin.

He pinched his thigh through the fabric of his black joggers with his thumb and forefinger. Pinch, hold, release. Pinch, hold, release. Pinch, hold, release. The prickling sensation coming from those repetitive motions grounded and comforted him, distracting him from the real ache inside his hollow chest that he couldn’t physically reach. 

“Don’t do that…” Soobin chided gently, his hand stretching in the direction of Beomgyu’s thigh, but stopped abruptly just before it could touch Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu’s hand jerked from his lap and balled into a fist at his side, embarrassed that Soobin picked up his distress habit. He cleared his throat and gazed at the still surface of the lake water, and said, “Even Taehyun? Does he like me still, when he knows…” 

The alpha hummed, regarding his beta partner in the distance with such a fondness Beomgyu felt even more an outsider. “Him, not so much anymore after he found out you’re my infamous ex. But really, that’s because he’s protective, and he saw me at my lowest when you and I broke up. He didn’t know you personally, only from some stories I shared with him. Taehyun’s trust can be won.” 

Soobin’s gaze softened a little when he looked at Beomgyu, as did his voice,“You’re not a bad person. He will come to like you.” 

“But I am a bad person,” he said, an echo of his own thought. A bad person—it had been a defining characteristic he saw within himself ever since his life went downhill five years ago. 

“You’re not, Beomgyu, and I will say only that much. It’s not my place to comfort you,” Soobin told him, refusing to meet his eyes. 

Oh, sweet jesus. Great. Now Soobin thought he was making a pity-party for himself, seeking for his sympathy like a shameless dog. He wanted to say something in retaliation, to fix the careless blunder he’d made, but he realized that whatever he said would only come across as attention-seeking. How pathetic . 

That word resounded in his mind, making him realize how lame he was being at the moment. It was a punch in the guts, hard enough to pull his head out of his own ass. What the fuck was wrong with him. So much for getting an ‘upper hand’, when he was still such a mess after all these years. 

“You’re not calling it off, right?” Soobin repeated his question, more calmly, when Beomgyu remained silent for a long while. 

Beomgyu considered. Despite the humiliation with his incoming admittance, he found no purpose to lie to Soobin. The alpha may as well be a complete stranger to him now, but he was someone who had not only seen Beomgyu struggling with making ends meet, but also someone who had been together with him through his thicks and thins. Out of the four, Soobin was the most likely to understand why he must do this for money without Beomgyu having to explain anything. 

“I need the money, so I’m not going to call it off. Unless, of course, you and your partners decide to find someone else,” he admitted sincerely. 

“I won’t tell them anything about you, and Taehyun won’t either. There’s no reason to complicate the situation.”

Beomgyu nodded his head, comforted by his promise because he knew Soobin would keep it. 

“How are you these days?” Soobin began again, after enough time had passed for them to finish their snacks. 

Beomgyu licked his lips and shrugged. “Fine. Thesis writing is still a massive pain, and I feel like I know less than I did when I was working on my master’s thesis. What about you?”

“Better. I’m starting to appreciate and enjoy acting much more recently. It’s strange how something I’ve known for a long time can evoke new emotions.”

The omega nodded his head, understanding that sentiment. “That’s great to hear. Yeonjun hyung mentioned that you’re in the middle of filming right now, that’s why you’re so busy.”

“Yeah. The filming here should be wrapping up soon though, so you’ll see more of me. A portion of it has to be filmed in Vienna, but that’d be some time later.”

There was a lot more that Beomgyu wanted to say about this, because he remembered the precarious phase when Soobin was doubting himself upon a series of failed auditions to the point that his passion for acting almost ran dry, and he remembered the frustration and the tears the alpha shed in his darkest days when that failure began to manifest itself into an ugly phantom hiding in his shadow. 

There were many things Beomgyu wanted to say, but all that he could offer was something simple, something not too overly-familiar: “I’m glad you’re enjoying acting again, Soobin hyung.” 

Soobin’s small smile he received in return was sufficient to tell him that Soobin had understood what he meant. 

This was the reality after all—that each of them had his own separate life to live now, and they just happened to coincide in this moment. 

As the clock was approaching midnight, they decided that it was time to go back. Taehyun and Soobin insisted that they drop him home, despite Beomgyu informing them that his apartment was only a twenty-minute walk from this place. 

He could rest his eyes easier that night. The talk with Soobin had lessened the burden in his heart he carried the past days. He felt lighter, more assured that things would be fine. 

However, with it, also came the heartache, the perpetual sadness and guilt he never quite fully healed from—no matter how much his rational mind provided, again and again, that he was not wrong in doing what he had done. Talking to Soobin and being in his presence again had opened Pandora’s box to all the intricate, complex emotions Beomgyu did not manage to work on and resolve in the past—ones that did not only concern Soobin and Beomgyu, but something more. 

An uneasiness spread inside him like spilled ink, painting him black with anxiety. He couldn’t help but feel like this was the beginning of something totally outside of his control. That his past and his present would cross paths and get tangled up in the process, and he would be caught in the middle of it all—lost, until he was found again.  

.

.

.

Once the contract was signed by all parties involved, it quite literally snowballed at a speed that left Beomgyu disoriented. 

Disoriented. That was exactly what he felt as he sat staring blankly at the white wall in front of him. 

Today would be their very first meeting together at the Health Center, where they would further discuss the details of the procedures that may take place, and what to expect at this stage. Only Taehyun and Kai were accompanying him, although both Soobin and Yeonjun had promised that they would be there for him too the day the procedure would be carried out. Kai was playing a game on his phone at his side, while Taehyun had gone to take care of the remaining paperwork, some legal documentation to be settled between the Health Center and the intended parents. 

It seemed that Yeonjun and Soobin placed a great trust in the two younger members. Although they never further divulged to Beomgyu about the nature of their personal relationship beyond the clear fact that they were polyamorous or a pack, Beomgyu surmised from the limited interaction he could observe that either Yeonjun or Soobin, or both, was the leader. It was pretty standard to have a leader in a pack—the one making important decisions and leading the situations when necessary. These four men were not traditional in the way that they followed this principle closely, but no matter how ‘equal’ members of a pack presented themselves, there would be at least a slight power imbalance in a situation where two or more people were concerned. Still, the fact that Yeonjun and Soobin let Taehyun and Kai accompany him without their presence may indicate and speak more of their true dynamics behind closed doors.  

Beomgyu pinched his thigh, but gave up this pursuit very soon upon realizing that he was wearing jeans today. He clenched his fists into balls instead, curling them on top of his lap. 

He had done some research on surrogacy, particularly on the procedure, or procedures (plural), he may have to undertake. Artificial insemination seemed to be the popular first option, and IVF the second option should the first not produce a result. He liked to be prepared for what he was getting himself into, and so he did have pretty clear ideas from his in-depth research about the topic. Perhaps it was better that he did not like to be prepared, because knowing what his body would have to go through created the opposite of the desired effect. It unsettled him more than calmed him down.

He knew they were only going to talk with the omega specialist today, not like they were actually starting anything yet. But this makes everything feel more real to him—that he was really doing it.

“Are you okay? You look pale,” Kai asked from beside him. 

“Yeah, just nervous,” he replied quietly. His palms were cold and clammy. His breathing patterns were getting short and shallow; it was starting to be a bit difficult for him to breathe properly. Okay, maybe he was descending down, tipping closer to the verge of a panic attack. 

“Hey, here,” Kai called out to him, taking a hold of both of his hands and slowly unfurling his clenched fists. He placed one hand on his chest, and the other one on his stomach. “Breathe in, until you feel it in your chest and your stomach, then breathe out.”

Beomgyu followed his instruction, feeling his chest and stomach rise and fall underneath his palm. In his head, he counted each breath he took and released, keeping his mind occupied with the simple task.

Once he felt more grounded to the present, Beomgyu said, “I’m sorry you have to be here witnessing my embarrassing moment. Again.”  

Kai chuckled. “So, you remember. I thought you would pretend to not recognize me forever.”  

“Please, I could have said the same thing about you.” 

Beomgyu casted his gaze downward where Kai’s hands were still cradling Beomgyu’s on his chest and stomach, big enough to have covered Beomgyu’s entire hands. The contact made his skin tingle; the warmth that belonged to the alpha was engulfing and electrifying, seeping into his bloodstreams. 

“Oh, sorry!” Kai exclaimed, taking his hands off of him hastily. 

“You’re good at handling this,” Beomgyu stated, referring to how Kai dealt with his mild panic attack. 

“We’re all good at this. Have to help Yeonjun hyung with his episodes.” 

“Yeonjun hyung?”  

“Oh shoot, I—I shouldn’t have said that. Please forget it, Beomgyu hyung.” 

“I can’t just erase it from my brain, you know. But I’ll pretend you didn’t say that.” 

“Thanks. Yeonjun hyung doesn’t like people meddling with his business.”

“...And I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that either.” 

Déjà vu. This exchange reminded Beomgyu of Yeonjun who was asking him to pretend ignorance after he leaked to Beomgyu about Kai’s surprise for him. It was funny how starkly different they were as individuals yet similar they were in their blunder. He wondered if this tendency to let their lips loose about their partners around him had come from a genuine place, and whether to take it as a sign of them letting their guards down slightly.   

“But no one likes people meddling with their business! It’s a universal thing, not exclusive to Yeonjun hyung,” Kai defended himself, laughing at his second slip up.

“Should I mention it to Yeonjun hyung, then?” 

Kai stared at him like he’d just been betrayed, lips forming into a slight pout. 

It was refreshing how different of an alpha Kai was. Beomgyu rarely, if ever, thought of an alpha he didn’t have a close relationship with as cute. But Kai was cute . It was a mix of many things that made Beomgyu think that way—from his clumsy speech and action, his awkward disposition, his good-hearted nature and his obvious effort in trying to get Beomgyu to feel comfortable. The contrast between his large build and him as a person was charming, and it endeared Beomgyu greatly. 

“I’m joking. I’m not a snitch,” Beomgyu reassured him. 

Taehyun returned before they could pursue the conversation further, with Dr. Vila on his heels. Just like the first time Beomgyu visited for his medical check up, they were ushered to Dr. Vila’s room where they were to further discuss the matter of their arrangement. The preplanning she outlined for them, and the same one most surrogate and intended parents adopted, was detailed yet easy to follow. 

The first stage was conceiving, which was self-explanatory. The preferred method of conception was artificial insemination (AI), carried out during a heat cycle of the surrogate. It was a relatively simple procedure, although pain and discomfort were commonly experienced during and after. It would require a minimum of three trial runs of AI before they could move on to the second method should all three runs fail. As if sensing Beomgyu’s anxiety, Dr. Vila told him that failure was near impossible to happen and the surrogate often managed to conceive during the first trial run of AI. 

Dr. Vila only briefed them a  bit about the second, the third, and the fourth stage—the pregnancy, the birth, and the recovery, respectively. These stages would involve a lot of communication and making adjustments accordingly, so it was best that the surrogate and the intended parents maintain close contact and good relationship. She informed them that they should take it stage by stage because the entire journey could be overwhelming to process right away, particularly the long and arduous second stage. As of now, she would like them to focus only on the first stage. She would provide more explanation and guidance as they entered the different stages.  

Once they left her room, and Kai had gone for a quick trip to the toilet, leaving only Taehyun with Beomgyu waiting outside of the Health Center, the omega felt compelled to say something. 

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu called, but when the beta looked him straight in the eyes, he was suddenly lost for words. He knew he wanted to address the matter of Soobin and that night, but the sight of Taehyun in the starched white shirt, the horn-rimmed glasses, and the polished dress shoes—he appeared more like a professor than he ever did in their previous meeting, and Beomgyu’s lack of interaction and knowledge of him made him so intimidating. 

“If you want to talk about Soobin hyung, I have nothing to say to you,” Taehyun cut him off before he could think of suitable words. “I should say that I don’t view you too kindly after I found out, but my personal opinion doesn’t matter, and I won’t let it influence our current relationship negatively. This is a business arrangement—both my partners and I, as well as you, get something out of this.” 

Business arrangement. Right. Taehyun just highlighted a very important fact. These people were not really his friends, even if they were treating him with such kindness and generosity. There were no personal feelings involved, and their treatment of him was founded on the basis of respect and courtesy, and most importantly mutual benefits. There was a clear line drawn in the middle that separated Beomgyu and them. It had been there since the beginning, and it shall continue to exist down the line, both to protect and maintain their good relationship throughout the period stated in the contract.

After the baby was born and the compensation was paid to him in its full amount, they would slowly drift apart to return to their own lives, no longer tied in any way that truly  mattered. 

Beomgyu knew that, and he wanted it. He just forgot, sometimes, when their presence had started to bleed into his life through the string of messages exchanged in the group chat—asking him about his day, and them telling him about their days in return. 

“I understand. Thank you,” Beomgyu said, nodding his head with a small smile. He could have said more, but this much was enough. 

.

.

.

Beomgyu stuffed his glasses case and contact lens case into a pocket in the backpack, and his phone charger and his skincare into the small suitcase, on top of the neatly folded soft blankets and plushies he owned.

His body was starting to feel a tad warmer, and the familiar tingle under his skin that signaled the beginning of a heat cycle caused him to shiver a little. 

Beomgyu had been taking his pills as instructed in the days leading up to today. As predicted, his body showed signs of entering pre-heat last night, and this morning, he woke up with a slight fever. It was still in the early stage. Usually, it’d take a day from here before he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. But he would be given a shot to speed up the process of sending his body into full heat once he got admitted to the Health Center. From his understanding, he would be monitored throughout the heat period, and the procedure of inserting sperm would take place a few times during when his heat was at its peaks. 

Thankfully, induced heat, according to Dr. Vila, would be less intense than the natural heat cycle. His head would probably still be foggy most of the time, but hopefully he’d felt less feverish and less horny. It’d be a pain to deal with that outside of the comfort of his own room. Although Dr. Vila had informed him that he’d have complete privacy outside of the hours when she made her rounds, and that he may deal with his heat however he saw fit, Beomgyu couldn’t stomach the thought of other people coming into his assigned room after he relieved himself. 

Me

I’m ready🫠

Beomgyu took a photo of his suitcase and backpack, and sent it to the group chat.  

Choi Soobin

Yeonjun hyung and Kai will pick you up soon.

Taehyun and I will come a bit later.

Don’t forget your scent patch and hot pack, Beomgyu 

Also I know that the hospital must have it, but bring your painkiller too just in case 

His fretting was kind of predictable. Well, Soobin knew how vicious his heat cycle could be. Many times in the past when they were together, the alpha had to make a trip to the pharmacy for some hot packs because Beomgyu always ran out for some reason, no matter how prepared he thought he was. 

Huening Kai

We’ll be there soon, Beomgyu hyung ^3^

Have you eaten breakfast? Can we get you anything? ^___^

Me

@Choi Soobin Thanks for reminding me. I’ve brought everything I need 

@Huening Kai No worries, I’ve had breakfast. My housemate made frittata😋

It wasn’t even ten minutes later that a notification from their group chat came in. 

Huening Kai

Beomgyu hyung, we’re here!! (๑>ᴗ<๑)

After he put on a fresh scent patch and was on his way out, he stopped by the kitchen to stick up a note on the fridge telling his housemates of his absence in the next three days. Those three must be back in bed after breakfast, catching on sleep since it was the weekend. Beomgyu hadn’t told anyone about the surrogacy, not even Liliana who shared the news with him or his mother. He supposed he shall keep it a secret a little longer—his friends would find out eventually, when his belly started showing and he couldn’t hide it anymore. As for his mother, he didn’t have the intention to let her know. 

When he reached downstairs, he immediately saw the car waiting for him—Kai had scrolled down the window of the passenger seat and was waving at him, beaming like an excitable puppy upon his approach. Yeonjun’s car was the color of rich burgundy, the opposite of Taehyun’s standard silver. Beomgyu was not certain about the model, but it totally seemed out of place in this neighborhood. Too expensive, too posh and regal. The thought that it had to grace this neighborhood was a shame. For Yeonjun who grew up with old money his entire life, Beomgyu felt it was possible that he might not have been anywhere like this neighborhood before.  

The journey to the Health Center was a very short distance by car. They didn’t get to talk much before they arrived at their destination. The check-in process was breezy as well, courtesy to Taehyun who had made all prior arrangements needed with the facility. 

The room assigned to him was much better than Beomgyu had imagined. It was spacious and looked comfy. There were succulent plants in small pots that lined up the windowsills, and there were paintings hanging on the walls so the room didn’t appear as sparse. Ample sunlight entered through the windows, and they gave a nice view that overlooked the university garden, where a huge ginkgo tree stood in the middle. There was a couch lined up against the wall on the right and a fridge on the left, near a set of small table with chairs. The bed smelled of clean, fresh linen, and it was queen size, perfect for nesting. 

“We don’t know your favorite snacks, so we just bought what we usually like to have,” Kai said when Beomgyu returned from the adjacent toilet, having put on the gown provided by the Health Center. Kai was organizing drinks in the fridge, but paused momentarily to point at the bag full of snacks placed on the table.  

“Oh wow. These are a lot. Aren’t you guys spoiling me too much?” he jested. 

Yeonjun, who was sitting in one of the chairs at the table, chuckled. “Well, don’t you like being spoiled?”

“Do I give you that impression?” Beomgyu inquired, eyes wide with surprise. 

The alpha gazed at him and hummed, tilting his head with an amused smile. “A little.”  

If Beomgyu didn’t know any better, he would consider that to be at least a bit flirtatious. He was at a loss how to respond to that. And thankfully he didn’t have to, because a medical assistant had entered the room to administer the drug that would trigger his full heat. 

Dr. Vila came in shortly after the medical assistant left. She asked how he was doing that day and what he had for breakfast, as she put on a bracelet that would track and monitor his temperature, heart rate and hormone level. It connected and sent his information directly to a machine by the bedside. The screen showed numbers and symbols from which she could predict the windows of time in which the procedure for artificial insemination may be carried out with the highest success rate of conceiving. 

Before she left, she told him that he should rest while he waited for the drug to kick in into his system. It wouldn’t take very long now before it would fully hit him. Of course, he could tell that. He had started cramping a while ago, and his fever had escalated rapidly. The first artificial insemination procedure would be carried out in the next few hours.  

It may have been due to desensitization, or other external factors that kept his attention occupied, but Beomgyu didn’t feel as nervous as he did during the medical check up and the first meeting he attended with Kai and Taehyun. Replacing it was a sense of determination, a quiet resignation of his impending future full of the unknowns that he had walked himself into by his own volition. 

The history of humankind had demonstrated that humans were not so easily broken, regardless of what the mind and the body went through. Notwithstanding the fear and the strangeness of being in his own body, what would a pregnancy and a birth even do to him, when countless others had gone through the same thing? 

“Oh, I also brought this for you, Beomgyu hyung!” Kai exclaimed, startling Beomgyu out of his musing. He gave him the rumored bamboo shark plushie Yeonjun told him about nearly a month ago that finally made its appearance. “It has my scent on it…” the blond alpha muttered, cheeks flushing a little. 

“And these are our clothes, also with our scents,” Yeonjun explained, handing him a shopping bag with neatly folded clothes that belonged to them. “Sorry if we’re being presumptuous, but we thought you might need them. For nesting.”  

It wasn’t obvious, but he thought that Choi Yeonjun seemed slightly awkward and shy. It was in the way he avoided Beomgyu’s eyes, and in the way he shifted his weight on his legs where he stood. 

Well, this was certainly something new. Beomgyu didn’t expect him to be skittish about any topics related to the opposite subgender. He’d always come across Beomgyu as someone confident and experienced, well-versed in the expectations of his social role as much as he gave the impression to adhere to them. Or perhaps it was not the issue of the topic itself, but rather the fact that they had taken the time to scent their clothes for him to find some relief during his heat. Alphas giving their clothes with their scent on them to their omega friends was not unheard of, but it did have an underlying implication, something that indicated trust and intimacy rather than thoughtless action shaping that action. 

At his prolonged silence, Yeonjun added, “It was Soobin’s idea. It’s okay if you don’t need them. I mean, you don’t even know what our scents are like…”

(Yes and no. Beomgyu did, in fact, know how two of the four smelled like.) 

“No—I mean, I appreciate it. These would help a lot,” Beomgyu said, touched by their thoughtful gesture. Yeonjun breathed a sigh of relief when he took the shopping bag from him and the plushie from Kai. “Thanks Yeonjun hyung. And Kai—the plushie is cute.” 

Beomgyu spread the soft blankets from his suitcase on the bed, taking his time rearranging all the materials he had until his nest felt right to him. If he wasn’t as groggy and in dire need to bury his hot and achy body in everything fluffy, he would have felt embarrassed at the idea of building a nest in the presence of the two alphas. He was glad that they were mindful about his privacy, and left him alone in his pursuit.

He hugged the bamboo shark plushie doused in Kai’s scent to his chest and curled on the bed under his blanket, his feet tucked neatly to ease the cramp in his middle somewhat. The clothes that they brought for him were bunched up at the upper side of the bed where he could get access to with ease, surrounding him like a fortress. He could guess which scents belonged to whom, even though they had mingled with one another. Besides the notes of green forest and orchid that belonged to Soobin as well as Kai’s milk and citrus and agave, there were also hints of sea salt and coffee, of aged wine and wet woods. 

It was the first time in his life that Beomgyu got to spend a heat with such a pleasant mix of scents in his bed. It made him feel dizzy, almost drunk and euphoric, that he purred in contentment. There was no doubt that his omega was enjoying this, having mistaken this undivided amount of attention as true affection from the alphas and the beta to whom the scents belong to. 

“I don’t want to speak out of turn, but really, you guys don’t need to stay with me. I’ll be fine on my own,” he said to Yeonjun and Kai who were lounging on the couch on their phones, blinking at them through half-lidded eyes to distract himself from the fact that he was purring from being soaked in their combined scents. 

“Don’t mention it, hyung. I wouldn’t want you to go through this alone.”

“Like Kai said. We know you’d be fine by yourself, but we chose to be here. All of us. We owe you that much,” Yeonjun replied. 

“You guys are really spoiling me…” Beomgyu complained half-heartedly, pouting as he ran his palm over the soft surface and fiddled with the fin of the bamboo shark plushie in his arm. He nuzzled his nose into the hoodie he laid by the side of his pillow and melted onto the sheet, having entered a pleasant and fuzzy headspace for him to care too much about what he said or how he was perceived.

“You do like being spoiled,” came Yeonjun’s response, like it was a statement of the century. Perhaps the heat (or his short-sightedness) was messing with his vision, but Beomgyu thought he saw a flicker of gentleness he’d never seen directed at him in Yeonjun’s expression. 

Beomgyu wondered if his heat had made him appear so different in their eyes at the moment, because even Kai was looking at him with a barely contained fondness. “Sleep, hyung. You need it. We’ll be here when you wake up.” 

That was all the reassurance he needed. His eyes fluttered close; the sleep that came with his heat this time had felt so gentle. 

The next time he was conscious, Taehyun and Soobin had already arrived. Kai was sticking to Soobin’s side on the couch, cheek squished against Soobin’s lap as Soobin played with his hair idly. Taehyun was looking out of one of the windows with Yeonjun who was leaning against the wall, pointing and commenting about something that they saw outside. Even heat-dazed, Beomgyu recognized the sight as mundane yet intimate, a simple quietness that felt special for the companionship they found in each other.   

God, he missed that feeling. 

Beomgyu blinked a few more times, taking note of how his body was feeling at the moment. He felt significantly hotter, and he was slicking quite badly. If they couldn’t smell him through his scent patch, they could and would definitely smell his slick, if not already then very soon. 

“Oh, you woke up. Something wrong?” Soobin asked. 

Beomgyu swore he wanted to answer the question with a hum because his tongue felt heavy, just to indicate that nothing was wrong and it was going as it should, but the thing that came out through his lips was a soft, breathy whine. 

It was a blessing that the heat was already making his face flushed pink.

Taehyun perked up at the sound he made. He walked over to the bed to check on him. The other three also rose from their seats to approach the bed although they maintained their distance, probably out of respect for his privacy and their own well-being. No alphas would take well being in the presence of an omega in the throes of their heat, even mated ones like them. Being mated to each other shielded them from his pheromone, affecting them to a much lesser extent than it would should they not be mated, but it didn’t make their senses immune. 

“Think it’s time?” the beta asked, eyes scanning the machine screen before they locked on Beomgyu’s hazy ones. 

Beomgyu swallowed the spit that was pooling in his mouth, and uttered a short, raspy reply, “Yes.” He wouldn’t make the same mistake of whining twice. 

There were shuffling footsteps he heard behind his closed eyelids, and when he opened his eyes again, there was only Taehyun left in the room with him.

“Dr. Vila will be here soon. Would you like me to stay with you?” 

Beomgyu contemplated, or tried his best at doing that in his present condition. In the end, he shook his head, “Is’ okay.”

Despite that, Taehyun did not leave his side until Dr. Vila emerged into the room with her equipment. After she had set everything up and Taehyun had left, she reminded him how the procedure would take place. It wasn’t like he didn’t know already or that he could focus on what she explained, but it was a part of the procedure. 

“This can hurt, depending on the individual. I will use a speculum to make access to your uterus easier, then I will insert this tube that’s connected to the vial with the sperm,” she paused, showing him the thin tube. “You’ll likely experience physical and mental discomfort—but the degree of it can vary. Tell me if it gets too much.” 

It wasn’t as painful, but it was quite frankly the worst sensation Beomgyu had ever experienced happening to his body. The feeling was so strange in a way he couldn’t explain with words. It made his skin crawl and his insides shriveled up. Even being in the throes of heat didn’t dampen the flurry of thoughts being fired off in his head— out, out, out, out, out.

Not like this, his mind supplied. He didn’t want to get pregnant like this . 

Beomgyu inhaled sharply and sunk his nails into his arm, fighting the urge to stop her that rose from the depth of his instinct. He held on, and coaxed himself into submission. It was an endeavor that called for great patience and self-control, that he was all the more grateful when it finally ended. 

“All done,” Dr. Vila said, smiling at him as she gathered the equipment. “You may experience side effects—headache, nausea, bloating, tenderness, light bleeding, pelvic pain. They are not often bad, but we can administer painkillers if you want.” 

“Thanks, Dr. Vila,” he replied as she was leaving, covering back his legs with the gown that’d ridden up his thighs for some modesty. 

Nothing too adverse. Beomgyu did feel a sharp twinge in his lower abdomen that made his face twisted with a grimace when he moved just now, and the cramp he’d been experiencing got slightly more intense, numbing the area with a dull ache that sometimes flared up in rippling waves. There was also a new pressure on his stomach that made him feel full and bloated, like he was about to burst.  

They were not pleasant, but manageable. 

He made a quick trip to the bathroom to pee, since he’d been holding back for the procedure. On his way back to bed, he grabbed a packet of jelly from the pile of snacks and a bottle of peach tea from the fridge. He placed them on the small bedside table, changed his scent patch as well as his hot pack with a new one since this cramp was really starting to get worse, and put on a loose cozy jacket he found in the pile in his bed. His fever was still high, but at least his brain no longer felt like it was melting out of his ears. 

Beomgyu was lying down in his nest, with his nose buried in the collar of the jacket while reading a chat from a student in one of the classes he was teaching about the materials in the next class, when the four men returned. 

This time, they all came to stand closer to his bed. Beomgyu could see that their pupils were dilated, and that their cheeks were a faint shade of pink. But otherwise, they seemed about as normal as a person could be.  

“How was it? All okay?” Yeonjun began. 

He nodded his head, still not feeling like talking much, so he gave a simple answer. “It was okay.”  

“You still look red though, Beomgyu. Is your temperature not getting better?” It was Soobin who asked, but it was Kai who touched his forehead to check his temperature. 

Kai’s palm was so cool and soft and pleasant on his heated skin, that an unmistakable moan slipped past his lips almost immediately upon contact. 

What the fuck. Why did this happen to him twice?   

“U-uh, sorry. Didn’t mean to do that,” Beomgyu mumbled, his words slurring slightly. He curled his hands to hide the lower part of his face, and casted his eyes downward. 

“It’s fine, Beomgyu. You’re in heat—it’s a natural response,” Taehyun beat Kai with his response. 

Beomgyu stole a glance at the beta. His expression seemed kinder. Perhaps he felt pity for Beomgyu’s present condition—sweaty and uncomfortable and smelling of slick. 

“Oh, don’t feel bad about it. I imagine you must be feeling awful,” Kai chimed in, brushing aside the awkwardness he caused. “And I’m sorry for touching you without your permission, hyung.” 

“We’re going to leave soon, so that you can rest by yourself. Make sure you stay hydrated, and oh—” Soobin stopped to rummage through his big duffle bag to produce a box of hot packs for him. “I bought hot packs. I thought you might run out.”

Oh. Oh. 

It was the stupid heat. It was the stupid heat. 

Beomgyu knew from experience that his heat could make him an emotional mess—he got irritated easier, he got mushy easier, he got angry easier, he got sad easier. 

Beomgyu breathed in shakily, feeling his chest tightened impossibly. There was an invisible weight pressing on his chest, and his heart kept aching and swelling like it wanted out of his body. He tried to hold his tears in, but still, water sprung to his eyes, trickling down one side of his face in a rivulet.  

“You make him cry, Soobin hyung!” Kai exclaimed at the older alpha, elbowing him with wide eyes. Soobin appeared dumbfounded at the accusation, his mouth opening and closing as he stared at Beomgyu.

“We’re coming back tomorrow! Don’t feel sad,” Yeonjun reassured, smiling at him albeit looking a bit panicked at Beomgyu’s sudden breakdown.   

“That’s right. We won’t be gone for long,” Taehyun added. “It’s already three in the afternoon now. You won’t even have to wait for more than 24 hours.”

At least they misunderstood his crying for another reason, no matter how embarrassing it was. At least he could use his heat as an excuse for this absurd and irrational behavior, without having to explain anything to them or to himself. 

After much convincing and they were gone from the room, Beomgyu spent the next fifteen minutes weeping in his nest. Their scents clinging to the clothes laid on the bed had started to rub off on him, and their presence did ebb the tide of turbulent emotions inside him, although they didn’t stop his tears from flowing. 

God fucking damn. He was a fucking mess.

Chapter Text

The remaining two days of his stay at the Health Center, fortunately, went by in a much less dramatic, humiliating fashion. After the first run of AI, Beomgyu’s heat hit four more peaks, all of which he endured with a cold resolution, knowing from experience how the procedure would feel and how it would affect him. Perhaps he was desensitized, or perhaps the first time was a particularly bad one, but he could say that despite the discomfort, the other runs were smoother in comparison. His cramps and fever and body aches were less severe and much more bearable. His mood swings were not as unforgiving, as if his brain chemistry had taken mercy on him after what had transpired on the first day. 

Regardless, that uncanny, nagging feeling still resurfaced in him every time he had to receive another vial of sperm, telling him that he was doing everything wrong—a condition of mental affliction Beomgyu realized to have come from the fact that he wasn’t trying to conceive the pregnancy naturally. His omega psyche was working against his decision, not only deeply disagreeing with him but also hurt from his ‘betrayal’. This manifestation being purely within him and not taking form in affecting him physically made it easier to ignore, although he did feel bad for his continuous neglect of his instinct.

On the second day, as promised, Taehyun and Yeonjun came, bringing even more fresh clothes with their scents to replace the ones that were starting to be saturated in Beomgyu’s own scent. They didn’t stay as long as they did the first day, but it was compensated greatly by their especially tender care of his well-being, possibly to avoid triggering another episode of emotional outburst when his physical circumstance was already compromised at the moment. Beomgyu couldn’t even recall the details, most of the time delirious from nursing his heat, but he remembered the feeling of having enjoyed their conversation.  

On the third day, when Soobin and Kai visited, he’d just finished his last AI procedure run. So, his head was much clearer than it ever did in the past days, as his heat had tipped off the last streak and left him lucid but also weakened from the exertion his body went through now that the adrenaline had worn off. They made a fuss when he almost face-planted onto the floor when he got off the bed too quickly, and it required ample convincing that he wouldn’t face-plant onto the bathroom floor and bleed himself to death for them to let him go alone. While he took a shower to clean himself off of the sweat and the slick, they helped him pack his belongings into the suitcase and get rid of the empty bottles and wrappers that had accumulated in the duration of his nesting. 

“Send us a message if you need anything. Or call, if it’s urgent,” Soobin reminded him as he got out of the car with his small suitcase and backpack. The alpha casted him a worried look, a frown that sat clear on his face. 

“I’ll be fine after a hearty meal and some more sleep,” Beomgyu said, stomping down on that warmth that morphed in his chest before his omega could misinterpret Soobin’s intention as something more. 

“Sure, but I’m telling you in case.” 

Kai pursed his lips and stared at him. His expression mirrored Soobin’s, although to a lesser extent. “If you say so. Take care, hyung,” the younger alpha told him before they parted their separate ways.   

Thankfully, his housemates were not present to receive him that Monday afternoon when the pair dropped him off back to his apartment, no doubt having burrowed themselves in their writing at the university library, or in their respective labs. Still, when they returned in the evening, they remarked about the strong foreign scents mixing in with his neutral scent, and his strangely pallid countenance that certainly did not tell the same story with the way he smelled. It was easy enough to dismiss their curiosity with a made-up story about how he was spending the heat with a group of alphas who squeezed him dry and exhausted him, although this outrageous lie did cost him his reputation—he wasn’t known to be the type to be sleeping around much, let alone the type to be spending heat with multiple partners at a time.  

In the days following the artificial insemination procedure, Beomgyu regained his footing and fell back into his boring but reliable routine. Within the period of five weeks since he came to know those four men until the arrangement was settled and carried out, his life had become hectic and disorderly. Not only was his time occupied with making trips to the Health Center and meeting with his polygamous clients, even his mind and emotion were burdened by the unexpected reunion with his first love. In addition, the perpetual dissonance he was experiencing about his secondary sex and body had been amplified in the days leading up to the AI appointment, leaving him low-spirited and depressed.  

It felt like he could finally breathe now that he’d passed the very first hurdle in the surrogacy agreement. With it, his face-to-face meetings with them ceased to a halt, and their communication became limited through chat messages in KakaoTalk. Beomgyu was more than glad to return to the normalcy that he was used to—allocating his time between the undergraduate classes he was teaching, the university library when he needed to find references, and the postgraduate room where he developed and wrote a large part of his dissertation. Although he shall say that he had more time in his hand at present than he did in the past when he was working his ass off part-timing at the steakhouse, the only absence from his past routine that he definitely did not miss.  

Slowly, with the quiet return of his old life, he managed to recenter his equilibrium. His mind focused on his daily tasks, his emotion less volatile with the absence of abrupt and unanticipated happenings. 

On one such day, after he finished his lecture about Jacques Lacan’s theory of the gaze in relation to Edward Said’s theory of Orientalism—something that Beomgyu had extensively done his research on—he found himself walking towards the cozy, dark gray building attached to the gymnasium where he could smell freshly brewed coffee, burnt sugar, and buttery pastries.  

The cafe was situated outside of the university, but was close enough to be considered a part of the university ground. It opened everyday except for Sunday, which made it an ideal place for students. It also had a selection of signature drinks, and students were granted a 10% discount off of them when they presented their student ID at the counter before paying. Beomgyu had taken advantage of this discount plenty of times. During days when he required a strong boost to uplift his mood, or when he wanted to reward himself for his hard work, he would find himself ordering the drink for the day with a serving of salted egg croissant or blueberry earl gray muffin or sugar-glazed donut. 

Today, he decided to order a slice of banana cream pie to go with his iced americano. 

Well, now, some may disagree, but eating a pie for lunch was a very responsible thing to do as an adult. It was one’s responsibility to ensure that one indulged in one’s fancy whenever permissible. Only adults could hone and appreciate the skill of taking pleasure in simple things such as eating pie for lunch, because for them, happiness was made of the small things in life, and they were not easy to come by. And who was he to question the divine if his happiness today had been decided to come in the form of sugary goodness?

He took a window seat and whipped out his phone from his pants pocket. Beomgyu snapped a picture of the pie and the coffee with a little finger heart at the bottom, and sent it to the group chat. He captioned it with a short ‘lunch :)’ . 

As he started digging into the pie, he turned on his laptop and accessed the word document of his dissertation. He still needed to sort out his old draft—copied and pasted the usable parts into the new document, and discarded the rest. Surprisingly, quite a hefty portion of his research proposal that he presented for his proposal defense had to either be reallocated or dismissed completely albeit having been given a pass. If he thought he had around 60% completed when he sent in the first draft, the percentage had slid down to 40%-45% after the proposal defense. Now, of course he did expect corrections, but he supposed his surprise was in the fact that it was a rather large gap. That wasn’t the case with his master dissertation. 

A soft ping resounded from his phone. 

Choi Yeonjun 

Look great

Choi Soobin would kill to have some of that right now

Choi Soobin

Wdym

I can have all the pastries and sweets I want whenever

Choi Yeonjun

You can’t do it right now though

What are you even doing here replying to me

Aren’t you in the middle of your magazine photoshoot

Kang Taehyun

@Choi Beomgyu

The appointment is today

Since the others are unable to make it, I’ll be the one accompanying you

Also, the pie looks good. Hope today is an exception, not a habitual choice for your dietary intake

Beomgyu stared at the half-eaten pie on his plate dumbly. He couldn’t recall having anything arranged today. 

Another string of messages flowed in.

Choi Yeonjun

Aren’t you too strict Prof. Kang

Let the man eat 

I’m sure it’s not something he does often

Beomgyu’s fingers hovered over the screen, contemplating whether to be honest that he’d forgotten or pretended to know what kind of appointment he was supposed to have today. After a while, he decided to go with the former. 

Me

What appointment? Remind me?

Kang Taehyun

Blood test and early ultrasound 

To check if you’re pregnant

Oh. Beomgyu checked the date, and noted that two weeks had passed since the AI procedure. Usually, pregnancy couldn’t be detected this early on, but blessed the high-spec technology invented and adopted in the first world countries that allowed such a thing to be possible nowadays.

Kang Taehyun

Can we make it after lunch hour?

Maybe around 3 pm?

I have a meeting with a student under my supervision at 2 pm

Before he could type in a reply, he was distracted by loud footsteps of someone approaching him. 

“I’ve been looking for you! I know you’d be here,” Liliana exclaimed, hooking an arm around his shoulder and smooching the side of his head.  

He put down his phone and pushed her off of him half-heartedly. “And you wonder why your labmates think we’re dating.” 

“They don’t know me! I’m just a physically affectionate alpha, especially to pretty omegas like you.” 

He rolled his eyes at her dramatically. “And that’s why you have a bad reputation.” 

“You know my bad reputation doesn’t do me justice.” 

Liliana set her sling bag on an empty seat and sat facing him, stealing a sip from his iced americano and grimacing at the taste. She didn’t like coffee at all, yet she always did this, as if the next coffee she tried drinking would suddenly suit her taste palette. 

“Why are you looking for me? What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the lab at this hour?” Beomgyu bombarded her with questions. 

“Don’t feel like working today…” she tutted, blowing off a stray lock of blue hair that fell in front of her face. “And what’s wrong with me looking for you? Since when is it stated that I can’t do that?” 

“Well, we don’t really meet each other besides for that purpose, don’t we?” 

“Yes! Which is why I—”

His phone vibrated on the table. The contact name ‘Kang Taehyun’ flashed on the screen, which he thankfully managed to hide from Liliana’s prying eyes before answering the call. 

Oh my God. Couldn’t Kang Taehyun wait for his reply?

Beomgyu raised his index finger and made a shushing motion so Liliana would shut up while he was taking the call. 

“Hello.” 

“Hi. I’m sorry for disturbing your lunch,” Taehyun greeted him at the other end of the line. He heard some rustling of papers before the beta continued, “I just need to confirm the time asap.” 

“Actually I was just about to reply. We can meet at 3,” Beomgyu answered politely, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve. It was ridiculous how he felt nervous from this phone call.  

“Oh great. Okay, so we’ll meet at the Health Center, yeah? At 3 pm?”

“Yup. That sounds right.”

“Alright. That’s all, then. Enjoy your sweet treat,” Taehyun enunciated the last parts of his utterance, followed by a small puff of air as if he found what he said slightly amusing. 

“You too. I mean, enjoy whatever you’re having for lunch.” 

The call ended, and when he faced her again, Liliana was squinting her eyes at him. The corner of her lips lifted up in a mischievous, teasing smile. “Eh, are you seeing someone right now? Who? Do I know them?” 

“What? No!” Beomgyu immediately denied. “You know I don’t date.” 

“Then what was that? You’re meeting someone,” Liliana took a dramatic pause to steal a glance at her watch, “in more or less three hours.” 

“It’s none of your business.” 

As if she couldn’t hear him, she continued on, “Ah, no wonder you’ve been radio silent for the past weeks. I thought you found someone new to replace me, but it turned out you were occupied with a new love interest. Now that’s something worth looking forward to.” 

“I’m telling you it’s not like that…” Beomgyu said, sighing exasperatedly. He shoved the rest of the pie into his mouth and took a mouthful of sip of his iced americano. 

“How do you explain that call, then? And the fact that you haven’t been looking for me to help you with your sexual needs?”

“Maybe I’m in celibate, or something. Who knows?” 

Liliana hummed, drumming her fingers on the table as if weighing her next move, whether to push him more until he spilled a satisfying answer or to let him go. As she usually did, though, she dropped the topic and started talking about the band concert she went to last weekend with an omega girl she met on a dating app. Just like that, their conversation returned to the safe territory, and Beomgyu was able to relax and even mocked her for her reckless slip-up about disliking band music that dimmed her chance for a potential follow-up of another date with that omega girl. 

She didn’t stay for too long, and Beomgyu managed to get some work done before it was time for the appointment. 

.

.

.

Beomgyu was pregnant. 

It really shouldn’t have come as a surprise—because him getting pregnant was the expected outcome, as it was the very first requirement in fulfilling the months-long contract—but the news still surprised him anyway.  

The image shown in the scan was incomprehensible to Beomgyu, and the moment Dr. Vila started explaining and trying to make sense to them what she was seeing, he just logged off completely. 

His brain decided to filter out everything else, and instead tunneled in on the singular fact about how his life would be changed within the next nine months, and how the experience would stay with him forever. From the corner of his eyes, he saw that Taehyun was listening to her attentively, and even asking a question about something that caught his eyes in the scan image. 

But all that echoed in his thought was: I’m pregnant. Oh my god, I’m pregnant. 

The news of his pregnancy was broken in the group chat by Taehyun after Beomgyu had arrived back home to his apartment. The beta was probably waiting for him to announce the news himself, and only took the initiative once a sufficient amount of time had passed and nothing was spoken from his side. Truthfully, he was thankful that Taehyun did the part for him. 

That night, the group chat was active with them congratulating him (as if Beomgyu was pregnant with his own child and not theirs) and discussing the matter of celebrating the good news. Beomgyu chipped in occasionally, when they asked for his opinions and about what he wanted, but otherwise he became a silent recipient, simply watching their conversation unfold. In the end, it was agreed upon by everyone that they should go for a private dinner cruise that weekend—sailing a boat along the coastline and watching the sunset bloomed into the night sky as they enjoyed their foods and drinks. 

The next day, Yeonjun had made time to pick him up in the afternoon to go shopping at a high-end mall that Beomgyu had only seen from a distance but never stepped foot in before. He certainly felt out of place there, surrounded by luxurious people and brand stores, so he stuck close to Yeonjun like a lost puppy. 

Yeonjun had insisted that Beomgyu must be made sufficiently presentable for the dinner cruise, although Yeonjun’s standard of ‘sufficiently presentable’ was definitely different from the common people. Granted, it was a subjective matter depending on one’s preference, but Beomgyu could only imagine what it meant from the standpoint of someone whose money came and went like a stream of flowing water. Bountiful and endless. Yeonjun had also insisted that Beomgyu’s spending on his new sufficiently presentable outfit was fully funded, despite him having already received the initial payment of $100,000 per stated in the contract shortly after the news of his pregnancy was broken. The alpha may be filthy rich, but this knowledge did little to appease Beomgyu’s uneasiness for being at the receiving end of his charity—he didn’t like feeling indebted to anyone. 

“You’re pregnant, and Soobin finished up his filming last week. It’s a great time for celebration,” Yeonjun said to him distractedly, as he was replying to someone’s message on his phone. He placed the phone back in his pocket once he was done, and added, “I wish we all could have gone somewhere further and taken a longer break together. Maybe to the beachfront home I own in Mexico since it’s the summer.”

Beomgyu couldn’t stop the huff coming from him, equally surprised and in disbelief. “You’d bring me along? To a beach vacation?” 

“You’re a part of what we’re celebrating. So, yes.”

“Shouldn’t it be something private between you and your partners? I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time together.” 

An odd silence encapsulated them as they took the escalator to the second floor. It stretched for a bit too long for it to be comfortable, so Beomgyu was forced to look at Yeonjun to see if he’d said anything wrong. 

“Are you sure about that? Because you seem like you want to intrude,” Yeonjun stated, each word spoken clearly in such a way that there was no mistaking them. A mysterious smile graced his lips as he crossed his arms on his chest, his gaze unmoving from Beomgyu’s face. The omega felt like a butterfly pinned in a display of Yeonjun’s personal collection, put in a place where he was to be watched under his gaze alone. 

Beomgyu, startled, felt his own smile dropping slowly at the sudden change of tone the conversation was taking. He blinked, and fiddled with his fingers nervously. “What do you mean?” 

The alpha shrugged carelessly, still giving him that mysterious smile Beomgyu couldn’t begin to decipher the meaning of. It wasn’t unkind, but it was also slightly unnerving—it reminded him of the version of Yeonjun he met for the very first time, impossible to read and intimidating. “It’s just you’re more transparent than you thought, Choi Beomgyu.” 

In the time that this exchange happened between them, the escalator had reached the upper floor. Yeonjun did not elaborate his answer, and Beomgyu was losing the nerve to pursue the topic, much too bewildered for being exposed to this side of Yeonjun. Distinctively different from the one he thought he’d come to know. 

The shop assistant of the store they visited, a young woman in her early twenties, led them to a section for male omega clothes, recommending some pieces that were popular choices among visitors. Yeonjun didn’t seem interested in them though, for he dismissed the shop assistant’s suggestions and went on to browse the section himself. Beomgyu tailed after him, although he maintained a distance and tried to find his own way around the row of suits, dress shirts and dress pants. Perhaps if he tried hard enough, he could find something at least a bit affordable amongst all these pricey clothes. 

Beomgyu stopped at the shirt section. Something just caught his eyes. 

An elegant white shirt, delicately designed with the thought to pleasure the eyes. The front was the common button-up, but the entire back of the shirt was made see-through with intricate lace patterns of flowers, with a lace ribbon to be tied at the back to accentuate the shape of the wearer’s waist. The sleeves were puffed, layered with lace underneath the material at the wrists. It was a beautiful shirt, he would admit. It wasn’t racy nor was it modest. It was tasteful and classy, teasing enough skin without it being too much that it became indecent. 

“You like that one?” Yeonjun asked, standing at his side and eyeing his choice critically. Beomgyu didn’t doubt he had an immaculate taste. He’d seen Yeonjun’s choice of outfits, and they were consistently demonstrating Yeonjun’s impeccable aesthetic judgment. “You can go and give it a try. Take one of the black dress pants with you too,” Yeonjun said. 

Once he put on everything, Beomgyu stood in front of the mirror in the fitting room to take a good look at himself. There wasn’t much to look for on the front, but the back was a different story. He loved the way the see-through lace material gave a glimpse of his skin and the way the ribbon highlighted his slim figure. And since he was rather tall, it felt to complement his build even more, giving him an air of grace and sharpness.  

“It looks great on you, sir. I’m sure your alpha finds it pleasing to the eyes,” the shop assistant commented when he emerged from the fitting room, beaming at him. He knew she meant well but why must she wrongly assume their relationship simply because they walked into this store together? 

“Ah…” Beomgyu started, glancing at Yeonjun’s direction and expecting him to correct her but he was rather occupied staring at the omega. Perhaps he didn’t even notice her remark, and was instead looking for something to dislike about Beomgyu’s choice. 

But Yeonjun nodded his head and hummed, seemingly pleased. “I do find it pleasing. It looks beautiful on you, Beomgyu.”  

The alpha approached him. His fingers landed on Beomgyu’s upper back, treading down so lightly from the shoulder to the scapula to the waist, careful but exploratory, as if he were touching something precious and his. “This, especially, leaves a lot to the imagination,” Yeonjun told him, voice close enough that Beomgyu felt it vibrate through him and reached to his core.   

He took his fingers off of Beomgyu, but the feeling of his touch lingered on throughout the duration of their shopping trip, until Yeonjun dropped him off back home and he took a shower that night. Only then, it vanished away along the suds from his shower gel that flowed down into the drain.  

.

.

.

The day of the dinner cruise, Beomgyu put on everything he’d bought with Yeonjun at the mall: the white shirt with see-through lace back, the black dress pants and the matching black loafers, and the new moonstone crystal necklace that was twice the price of the old one Beomgyu had had with him since he was a teenager. He foregone the usual scent patch and applied a layer of scent blocker instead, not wanting to ruin his look although blocker was less effective in masking his scent. His makeup was minimal, leaning more towards the natural color tones that brought colors to his face but not overtly so. And since he had money, he went to the salon to get his hair styled. The styling he chose to do was also not too over the top, with his hair slightly pushed back to expose his eyebrows and forehead—just a simple but elegant touchup to match the overall look he was aiming for.  

By the end of it all, he felt like a changed man. There was a flair of confidence that he could feel charging up under his skin, thrumming in his veins and filling him up with a sense of delight. His footsteps felt lighter, his smile came easier, and his mindset more positive. 

He hadn’t felt this beautiful in quite some time. 

That confidence was infectious, brimming and spilling out of him through his words and actions, observable even to the four men with whom he was meeting. Kai and Taehyun commented about how charming and high-spirited he seemed, and politely admired the lace shirt Beomgyu was wearing. Yeonjun and Soobin didn’t say anything in regards to his appearance, but their eyes lingered on him a lot. Beomgyu knew that he was attractive, alas, their attention had felt so special and validating. It wasn’t even about them being interested in him or anything like that, rather than about the fact that they acknowledged and appreciated the way he chose to dress and present himself that day. It was a bit foolish, maybe, but it made Beomgyu happy that they liked it. 

It was 5 pm sharp when they arrived at the jetty. The boat Yeonjun rented that evening was bigger than most boats he’d seen before, and while it didn’t seem like much from the outside, the inside was a different story. Whoever had been hired to work on the theme and the decoration did a splendid job at bringing out the ambience of an opulent comfort. 

Everything, from the cream-colored table clothing to the warm lighting used to the shimmering ornaments, was responsible for creating this scintilla. There was something in the air, something about the romantic atmosphere of the private dinner cruise attended by just the five of them, that veiled the humid evening with a mist of magic.

Within this space, Yeonjun and Soobin and Taehyun and Kai had appeared to him as more dashing, sharper in the sense in which they carried themselves. They have always been good-looking, of course, but there was a particular quality in them that day that painted them in a particularly flattering light, setting them apart from the usual that Beomgyu had encountered. When they were all gathered like this, it occurred to Beomgyu that they were truly an extraordinary set of people, made even stranger due to the very reason that they were together in a polyamorous pack. It still perplexed him that such outstanding individuals could coincidentally be in a committed relationship with each other, that the universe had arranged for them this destiny. 

But if that was so, then perhaps, Beomgyu meeting them was destiny too. 

Dinner was served as a buffet—a mix of traditional Korean cuisine and Western cuisine, and lots of different desserts. Although it was rather early, with the sky only beginning to take on the shade of orange, they had gone straight for the food and sat together at the window table with a full view of the sky and the coastline. 

The dinner was an easy, pleasant affair. As they enjoyed the food, they conversed about the upcoming premiere of the movie Soobin worked on last year, about the girl Kai was tutoring in a piano lesson who had recently won a competition, about the new sets of autumn clothes Yeonjun bought on impulse during one of the consecutive nights when he had to work overtime in his office.  

Surface knowledge, the safe things. They had been consistent with this—despite Beomgyu and them having grown closer individually (except with Soobin, for the obvious reason), there was an aspect that remained tightly guarded in the exchange of their blooming friendship. When one of them almost broached a sensitive topic that could indicate and give further insight into their relationship, like the one time Soobin made a slip up that was foretelling of their domestic living situation, someone would redirect the conversation into something much less personal. Their dedication at keeping that part of their lives separated, no matter how small, was admirable. But the fact that they were so secretive only incited Beomgyu’s curiosity further. 

He could understand not wanting to expose what should be private between them, but did it warrant such extreme cautiousness? Was Beomgyu finding out such a dreadful, irreconcilable thing?

Once they were full, Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Beomgyu moved on to the game room to play card games, while Soobin and Kai had remained in the dining area to splurge more food. Yeonjun actually wanted to eat more, but decided that he had the rest of the night to take time enjoying all kinds of food prepared. Beomgyu had joined them simply because he could no longer stomach anything heavy at the moment. 

“The pythagorean cult has many strict rules—put on the right shoe first, no picking up of what has fallen to the ground, no consuming beans because souls are said to reside in them,” Taehyun explained, when the topic of pythagoreanism was somehow brought up in the middle of their card game. Beomgyu knew Pythagoras of course, but this was the first time Beomgyu heard the story of a cult worshiping numbers that was formed by avid followers of Pythagoras’ teaching. The beta sure had knowledge about some fascinating things. 

“Oh, does that include coffee?” Beomgyu asked, holding a piece of churros that he dipped in vanilla ice cream gingerly into his mouth. He rather enjoyed sweet foods these days.  

“Coffee comes from beans, so yes.” 

“I won’t last in the cult then. I like my coffee,” Beomgyu said, watching as the game unfolded between Yeonjun and Taehyun because he’d won this round.  

Seasalt and coffee. Clean and fragrant. The omega was certain that the scent he’d come to know during the heat he spent at the Health Center belonged to Taehyun. 

“Neither will I. They believed that numbers are the essence of all things in the universe, meaning that the answers to everything one could possibly ask can be found in numbers, and I simply digress—Ah, Yeonjun hyung, you better look out. I think I’m winning this. One card.” 

“You think I have no idea what your card is?” Yeonjun countered.  

The game didn’t end as quickly as Taehyun had predicted. After Beomgyu had finished the churros and the vanilla ice cream, he pardoned himself from the game room to go to the deck. It wasn’t everyday that he could make time during the evening for something that was not in relation to his life as a student, let alone to do such an indulging and leisurely activity like watching the sunset from this viewpoint. Watching the glittering skyscrapers in the city from here could give a sort of a melancholic effect, like looking at something distant that he wasn’t a part of—it somehow made him want to appreciate life more.  

He passed the dining area that was washed orange with the tint of sunset filtering in through the window. Neither Soobin nor Kai was there. They must have gone outside to the deck to watch the sunset too. 

Beomgyu stopped in his tracks as Kai’s voice was heard when he approached the deck, clear in between the faint noise of waves. 

“—was so cute, hyung. I just want to squeeze him and let him scent me directly,” the blond alpha said.

“You’re speaking like you have never seen an omega in heat,” came Soobin’s reply. 

“Technically, I hadn’t. I mean, Lea and Hiyyih are my sisters. I don’t find them cute like that when they’re in heat.” 

“Fair. I’m just a bit surprised at how quickly you’re growing fond of him.” 

Beomgyu hid and peeked through the door leading to the deck outside. Both Soobin and Kai were leaning against the thin rail, figures hunched as they basked in the glow of the sunset. There was a cool shade of blue starting to descend down on them, mixing in with the last traces of reddish-orange, turning their visages softer and more vulnerable in the slowly fading twilight.   

“Speaking of that, you have to be more conscious of your boundaries with him. Don’t be overly familiar.” 

“I know… it’s just easy to forget because I’m used to Lea and Hiyyih. And it’s not like I have other omega friends, so I’m not really sure how to act around him.”

Soobin laughed. “It’s not like you know any other omega besides your siblings.” 

Beomgyu imagined Kai must have had that stilted, funny expression on his face—the sulking one he wore whenever he was being teased. The young alpha always insisted that he was rather good at concealing his feelings, and he was, although at the expense of appearing stiff at times. In Beomgyu’s opinion though, his evident kindness canceled out any of his shortcomings in this department. Kai wasn’t just nice, he was kind. And one couldn’t be so kind and not feel. 

“Don’t you like him, Soobin hyung?” Kai started again, as a gust of wind blew and ruffled their hair. 

“It’s not that I don’t like him…” Soobin replied, a bit hesitant, as he sighed in contemplation. “It’s just I’m not sure what Beomgyu thinks about us.”

Oh, so they were talking about him. 

“What do you mean?” the younger alpha inquired. 

“We’re not exactly ordinary . Our lifestyle can be frowned upon by society at large.” 

That response drew a chuckle from Kai, like the mention of the nature of their relationship was a repetitive topic he’d grown tired of addressing. “You’re saying that he might be turned off because we’re a pack? That he’s one of those uptight modernists who view codependency in pack dynamics negatively, like you once did? Even if he is one of them, that’s because he doesn’t know what being in a pack entails. It’s the best thing ever. Love will never run out when there are three, four people who can give it to you.” 

“It’s not only about that, you know. Don’t you think he’s already weirded out by the fact that our pack is a bunch of alphas and a beta? The mere proposition to include him now would seem like too much of a convenience.” 

“I’m sure there’s a way around that. I mean, we do have a solid reason why it’s been only the four of us all this time, with no omega to speak of.” 

“I, I don’t know—honestly, it’s too early to tell,” the older alpha said finally after a moment passed, skirting around the topic without contributing anything conclusive.

Was Beomgyu hearing this right; that they were discussing him behind his back? And about him in a manner that, perhaps, implicated his further involvement in their relationship beyond the contract they had signed? Or had he misunderstood the meaning of their conversation? Was this a solitary occurrence, or had his name come up in their conversations before? 

Beomgyu’s head was reeling from this unexpected discovery, and he wished to hear more, to confirm that his ears weren’t merely playing a trick on him and to solidify the actual point they were making, but Kai and Soobin had moved on to a different subject. Something about trying a new PS5 game that they bought later.   

The utter starkness between the way they maintained their relationship with Beomgyu on the basis of contract-based agreement and the things he heard from Kai and Soobin just now made him question the reliability of his hearing and memory. He hadn’t imagined the whole exchange, had he? 

After he’d gathered himself, Beomgyu went out of his hiding and greeted the two alphas. Soobin and Kai welcomed him warmly, as if they weren’t discussing him a moment ago, and Beomgyu had to reconsider the possibility that it was all a dream he made up and not a reality.  

Taehyun and Yeonjun joined them shortly after. The five men watched as the color saturating the sky changed from orange to pink to lilac and finally to blue that was indicating the coming night. Stars began to light up the darkening sky, scattering infinitely without clouds hiding their shines. The wind was gentle, occasionally ruffling their clothes and hair with its invisible hands. The slow jazz music that’d started playing in the background some time ago added to the relaxing atmosphere, and any prior concerns Beomgyu had was cast aside in favor of relishing the moment. It was a lovely evening. The smile that adorned his face had felt so effortless and so sincere.   

They stayed outside for as long as they could, until the coldness began to set in, and they were required to seek the warmth in the cabin. 

Time felt like it was passing quicker from that point onward, with each of them having loosened up enough to pay less attention to decorum. They ate and drank and talked about pointless things. Beomgyu had unwittingly told them about the time he got three ear-piercings because he was feeling stress, and about the time he impulsively registered his name for a free ballroom dance class only to dip before the first lesson even took place because he got cold feet. 

The topic of dancing initiated their interest to take the floor. There was a live band performing, and it did feel like a waste to not enjoy themselves to the fullest. Taehyun and Kai were the first to get on their feet, forcefully pulling along a reluctant Soobin with them. It didn’t work as well with three people—they were fumbling and nearly tripping over each other’s feet—but that wasn’t the point anyway. 

“May I ask for your hands in a dance?” Yeonjun asked, assuming the front of formality in a manner that was clearly exaggerated. 

Beomgyu took a sip from his tall glass of non-alcoholic drink and put it down to regard Yeonjun, who was already standing and extending a hand in his direction, completely expecting the omega to accept his offer. He didn’t have a reason to reject anyway, so he clasped their hands, and the alpha pulled him to his feet. 

“I may have accepted the dance, but I must admit that I don’t really know how to slow dance,” Beomgyu confessed. 

“Shouldn’t have dipped from your ballroom dance class, huh?” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes at him with a smile. “You’re not gonna let me live that down, don’t you? Is it that funny?” 

“Rather than funny, it’s a bit cute. That you got cold feet.”  

“Fine, it’s funny, or cute. Whatever,” he dismissed it, and asked instead, “So, what do I do?”   

“No worries, you just have to follow my lead. The gentleman’s way or the not-gentleman’s way?”  

Beomgyu shook his head and laughed. “What does that mean? What’s the difference?” 

“Well, the gentleman’s way is like this,” Yeonjun said, at the same time one of his hands came to wrap around Beomgyu’s upper back while the other one enveloped Beomgyu’s hand. 

“And the not-gentleman way is…” Yeonjun continued on, and this time, he kept the hand on Beomgyu’s upper back but placed the other hand on his waist, pulling him so much closer until they were in a nearly compromising position for two people who were more than strangers but less than friends. “Like this,” he finished.   

The heat of Yeonjun’s body radiated off of him and enveloped the omega in his arms. The distinct scent of aged wine and wet woods that belonged to the alpha engulfed Beomgyu within this close proximity, and he was certain that Yeonjun too could smell his scent of fresh spring water and mute peach. 

Beomgyu swallowed and took a small step back, successfully putting an acceptable distance between them. He glanced in the general direction of Taehyun and Kai and Soobin to see if they were aware of this taking place. They were occupied with each other though, swaying to the music and drinking from the glasses of wine, looking somewhat tipsy except for Taehyun. 

“The gentleman’s way it is, then,” Yeonjun said easily, resuming his original stance. “They won’t get mad, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

“How can you be so sure of that?” Beomgyu inquired skeptically. 

“They are my partners. We are privy of everything the others are thinking… and you are not a threat .”

“ Threat? Should I consider that an honor or…?” 

“Don’t concern yourself over that. It just means that we don’t harbor negative emotion when it comes to you,” Yeonjun explained, as if that was enough to answer anything. 

The beginning of their dancing was slightly stilted, with Beomgyu having a difficult time getting into the rhythm because he couldn’t relax and felt too self-conscious. He didn’t really know what to do with his other hand that wasn’t being held by Yeonjun’s, until Yeonjun instructed that he placed it on his shoulder. Once he got over the awkwardness, they flowed more seamlessly together, primarily due to Yeonjun’s lead and Beomgyu’s quick learning.  

As the second song came, they all had fallen into a comfortable tempo. The romantic air seemed to absorb into them, soaking their beings and undoing the tight stitches keeping them all proper and upright. Beomgyu could feel himself growing more lax and relaxed in the alpha’s arms, and Yeonjun’s hands would sometimes squeeze him, bringing him in a bit closer than the original position allowed them.  

In the middle of the second song, Soobin said something to Kai and Taehyun, before he separated from them and assumed his original seat. The alpha watched the pair as they continued slow dancing to the music, peaceful, whispering about something Beomgyu was not privy to. 

It had occurred to Beomgyu after that night when he met with Soobin that perhaps Taehyun was the closest with Soobin in the group, but this sight proved that it wasn’t the case. Or at least not entirely so. There was something so captivating in the way that Kai and Taehyun moved together like they were in their own little world. The twin flames of the same soul—delicate and strong and perfected when together—all that was indicative of their bond. Neither Soobin nor Yeonjun seemed particularly bothered by this display though. 

It made Beomgyu wonder.  

How did love work in this kind of relationship? What role did each of them play? How could love be shared among four people equally? Did ‘equal’ have to mean anything, or did each of them have a favorite? Were they happy, or happier, with this non-conforming version of their own love? 

Yeonjun’s hand traveled down from his upper back and tightened around him, his thumb digging into the dip of Beomgyu’s dainty waist, pulling his attention back to their dance. “Eyes on me, Beomgyu. It offends me that your mind is elsewhere.” 

“S-sorry. I got distracted,” the omega stuttered out, his body straightening automatically at the feeling of Yeonjun’s hand on his waist. 

“As I can see,” Yeonjun said. “Those two look great together, don’t they?” 

“They do…”  

From the corner of his eyes, Beomgyu noticed that Taehyun and Kai had already stopped dancing and were instead all over each other, hands grasping and running along each other’s body as they laughed into their kisses. The image that they created was innocent but intimate, playful but genuine—the embodiment of love in its purest form. 

Not the first time it occurred to Beomgyu, but he was kind of jealous.  Jealous of what they had, jealous of what he was missing from life. Jealous of that unadulterated joy and warmth he knew coming from being in love and being loved in return. 

Of course Beomgyu knew. He yearned for it because he had known what love felt like. 

Suddenly he was made all too aware of Yeonjun’s presence—of the heat of Yeonjun’s palm on his waist, of their hips nearly pressing against one another as they swayed along the slow rhythm of the jazz band music. 

Without him realizing it, his gaze slowly trailed down Yeonjun’s face, from his sharp piercing eyes to the gentle slope of his nose, and finally to his full, plush lips. They were a healthy shade of pink and had an interesting shape, and they looked soft. His were the kind of lips that attracted attention, from their shape to their thickness, making the onlookers wonder if they would actually feel as soft— 

“You’re not expecting a kiss from me, are you?” Yeonjun asked, huffing and smirking when Beomgyu’s fingers on his shoulder jumped like they were shocked by a wave of electricity at the question. 

Beomgyu secured his fingers back on him, and brought himself to look at the alpha in the eyes. “The fact that you think that, Mr. Choi, speaks more about you than me, wouldn’t you say?” 

“Hm, are you suggesting the opposite? That I want to kiss you?” Yeonjun raised an eyebrow, still smirking. Probably astonished at Beomgyu’s reckless suggestion. 

“Not exactly, but again, you gave yourself away by saying that,” the omega replied and titled his head with a coy smile, pleased that he had room to play with his words and tease Yeonjun. In a fleeting moment of boldness he hadn’t had for a long time, he said to the alpha, “From the way you’re looking at me tonight, I would assume that you do want to kiss me, Mr. Choi.” 

The music was slowing down to a stop to transition to the next song. Their movements slowed down with it.

The alpha spread his palm on Beomgyu’s waist so that his thumb extended upward to trace at his ribs while his other fingers caressed his back. The touch felt intrusive, sending sparks of hot tingle to his guts, pooling there like a molten lava. Every touch, every minute detail of his tentative action traversed the boundary of too much and too little , and Beomgyu was weak . So weak for this charged tension in the air between them, for this subtle attention in Yeonjun’s words and actions that drew him in as much as it screamed at him to run away. It made his heart pound with exhilaration. 

“I could have kissed you since you’re so pretty today, but the others wouldn’t like that I get to have you first without their permission,” Yeonjun murmured into his ear, as if it was a secret just between the two of them. A visible shudder traveled down Beomgyu’s spine at having the alpha’s low voice so close to him, at the sensation of his lips brushing against the pinkish tip of his ear. And he could see from Yeonjun’s expression that he relished in this response too, once Beomgyu distanced himself somewhat without pulling himself off of the alpha completely.  

“So sensitive,” Yeonjun muttered lightly, before letting go of his hold on the omega. 

Beomgyu gasped softly. The next exhale of breath coming out of his mouth was shaky, encapsulating the state of his feelings that was equal measure of shock and bewilderment. His thoughts were racing inside his head as he attempted to make sense of what he was just told. 

As his brain was still struggling to catch up to what happened, Yeonjun grasped his hand and gently placed a kiss on his knuckles. “You’re not a bad dancer. Thanks for the dance.”

After that, he was asked to dance by the others as well. Perhaps it was Yeonjun’s effect, but he couldn’t stop feeling much too aware of the warm hands on him and the gentle words spoken to him that night, hypersensitive to their presence near him as if he were an omega virgin meeting and mingling with alphas for the very first time. While it did feel queer to him, it also made him feel so young and so beautiful. Reminded him of that time when nothing in life was all that important than this flimsy, fleeting feeling of happiness, of desiring and being desired.  

That rest of the night felt more than anything a dangerous dance between him and them, of their boundaries somewhat blurring and overlapping, of them tipping into the territory of ‘the unknown’ they hadn’t crossed before without either of them falling to the point beyond salvation. 

The feeling scared and enraptured Beomgyu, and he wondered if they were feeling the same. 

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The morning of the next day, contrary to the mix of positive emotions and confusion he went to sleep with, he woke up with a cold, dreadful feeling. 

He was soaked in cold sweat, his hair sticking to his clammy forehead. His hands were shaking with tremor. A terrible, terrible sorrow gnawed in the pit of his stomach.  

The dream. It was coming back again. 

A part of him had expected it, but he’d thought he would be spared of it this early on in the pregnancy. 

Perhaps it had reemerged to him now as a warning, for him not to repeat what he had done in the past. 

After all, the decision had scarred him deeply in a manner he didn’t think possible or like to acknowledge. But the body remembered, as did the omega in him. 

This must have been the reason why he was advised strongly to meet a therapist back when it was still fresh in his mind. To work on it before it became dormant and entrenched in his already fragile psyche. 

It mattered not what he thought was right or wrong. There was no point in what he thought when the instinct couldn’t reconcile with the rational mind. This conflict inside him hadn’t died out with time, instead causing him continuous grief for something loss that he couldn’t even begin to understand properly. 

He was not even one month pregnant yet, but he could already foresee that these upcoming long months would be arduous and mentally challenging. Especially if he intended to keep the secret from Soobin—not coming clean to the alpha would continue to weigh on him tremendously. The guilt would tail him in his shadows, eating him alive from the inside every time his present pregnancy reminded him of what he had selfishly and willingly given up in the past, without Soobin knowing although he played a part in it too. 

Beomgyu wished it was that easy to confess, to free himself of the burden of this secret, and perhaps with that too, he could learn to forgive himself. But it had festered in him for too long, that any attempt at rooting it out would cause him an excruciating amount of pain. Beomgyu was positive that he wouldn’t survive it should the truth he’d buried so deep be unearthed to come to light. 

Everything must remain a secret, no matter how scared, how disconcerting, or how broken he would be in the face of his current pregnancy. 

He’d chosen it this time, like how he’d chosen to forsake the first one, and he must live with the consequences.

Chapter Text

The universe had a funny way of punishing him. 

When things in his life had started looking up, and his peace had been established, there would be a new variable that changed the tide against his favor. Or sometimes variables—a culmination of small things that built up and up and up, and then things would start to fall apart. 

In the aftermath of the dinner cruise, Beomgyu was left preoccupied with everything that had unfolded, replaying and analyzing each interaction that had taken place between them. As if doing so would provide him a clear and conclusive answer to the meaning of their words and actions. In contrast to what he was hoping for, though, the more he thought about that night, the more confused and uncertain he became. Besides the increased frequencies of text exchanges, the group chat was operating like usual following that night, like nothing out of ordinary had transpired. Not a hint of difference in their messages. Not a single clue leading up to the suggestion of including him in the pack as Kai and Soobin seemed to imply they were considering, or of them wanting him in that way like Yeonjun had discreetly told him. 

It was as if the entire night was only a figment of his imagination. A sweet, tantalizing dream he manifested into existence by his own willful desire. 

Even in the two weeks following the dinner cruise, when the four men had yet again invited him out for the first screening of the movie Soobin participated in as the second lead, there hadn’t been particular differences in their interaction in the way that Beomgyu had anticipated. Soobin, as usual, didn’t seem to bother to talk to him much besides what was necessary. Perhaps his quiet demeanor was also due to the very fact that they were seating for his movie, nervous as much as he was looking forward to showing himself off. Taehyun was by Soobin’s side most of that evening; his steady and solid character seemed to provide Soobin with ease of mind. Soobin did have that tendency to overthink, and despite his natural inclination to assume the role of a protector, he liked being spoiled and cared for too—Beomgyu remembered how soft and clingy he could get when he was truly in need of reassurance. 

It made his heart ache that it only lived in his memory now.  

Kai was cordial to him, perhaps even more than usual, as if to compensate for the others’ rather pensive and glum mood that evening. The omega stuck close to the younger alpha, finding warmth and familiarity in their pointless conversation amidst the atmosphere that didn’t feel so merry. The strangest of them all was probably Yeonjun, for he had been distant and cold to Beomgyu, especially in contrast to the person he had been two weeks before—someone who was all over Beomgyu’s personal space, making the boldest moves and saying the most curious and provocative things. Beomgyu was almost convinced that he’d done something that caused Yeonjun to be mad at him, but Kai had reassured him that it wasn’t his fault that the alpha was dealing with his own “complicated issues” at the moment.

“What do you mean ‘complicated issues’?” he asked discreetly as the credit for the movie was rolling on the big screen. Luckily, the story and Soobin’s acting were engaging enough for him to set aside the awkwardness he was feeling momentarily. 

Kai shrugged and sucked on his bottom lip. It took a bit for him to answer Beomgyu—perhaps reluctant to share, or perhaps cautious of what he could say. “It’s something that Yeonjun hyung has been dealing with for a long time. Though recently, it seems to be troubling him a great deal.”

“Okay… but what does that have to do with ignoring me? He seems to be talking with you and the others just fine?”

“Uh, right… Let’s just say it’s not something that I can tell you. Sorry, Beomgyu hyung.”

The omega pursed his lips, and then smiled at him. “It’s fine, Kai. Thanks for being honest with me.”    

The movie premiere night was one of the tensest meet-ups he’d ever had with them, although the reason for this was unclear to Beomgyu. It was like there was an undercurrent that built up underneath their passivity that evening, amassing sediments of unspoken feelings. A subtle moroseness to them that he wasn’t allowed to understand, contained in a space where he was not welcomed.  

Whatever the truth was, besides the obvious intimidation of their peculiarity, it didn’t help Beomgyu from feeling a slightest bit disappointed. Disappointed about their distance and close-offness. Disappointed about their lack of initiatives and misleading, unpredictable behaviors. Disappointed about his own capacity to allow for such a fancy delusion like belonging with them to linger in his mind. 

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he didn’t have the time to dwell too much on that feeling of disappointment. There was a more urgent matter that had resurfaced recently and continued to plague him, dug from the depth of his memory, assuming hideous and distorted, and oftentimes devastating forms, in his dreams. 

After the first time of its reoccurrence, the dream visited him often. A phantom of the past seeking full vengeance on him, vicious and wild and insistent. There were days where he just couldn’t bring himself to sleep, wide eyed in the complete darkness of his bedroom, in fear of being utterly overpowered with the feeling of helplessness and unfathomable grief he would be waking up with and sticking to him upon waking hours. During days when he could sleep, rarely would his slumber be peaceful and without a disturbance, more often would his slumber be restless and poignantly haunting. 

His lack of proper sleep was beginning to permeate his waking hours. Sometimes he caught himself dozing off in front of his laptop screen in the middle of typing a sentence, the words blurring and blending together, appearing like floating, wiggling lines against the white background of the document. Sometimes his brain experienced a lag in processing information in conversations. There was a time when he was giving a lesson like usual, and a student had interrupted him to ask a question about a previous statement he made, and he just blanked out—he remembered what he said, and he knew the answer to the question, yet his brain couldn’t bridge the connection fast enough, like he was trudging through the mud looking for an answer he already had. Beomgyu was left tongue-tied for a moment too long before he started addressing the student. It was baffling as it was concerning.  

In the midst of this exhausting period, his morning sickness had also started. The symptoms were not terrible, but a source of annoyance as good as any at the moment, in addition to the other stuff he was already dealing with. Beomgyu had begun making a habit of drinking a cup of herbal tea in the morning before he went out, and carrying peppermint candies in his pants pocket and backpack to help reduce his nausea throughout the day. He threw up rarely but the nausea was almost a constant thing he couldn’t get rid of. For some reason, the scent gland on his neck was also getting tender. He thought that perhaps it was an allergy reaction from the pregnancy to the specific brand of scent patch he was using, so he changed to a different brand. Other than that, dizzy spells happened occasionally, but he was inclined to think that this was a result of lack of sleep more than the morning sickness.

These stress factors outside of his control had caused him great physical and mental distress. 

Frankly, he didn’t have any ideas on how to deal with them for that very reason—because they were not something he could readily find a solution to—and this realization only agitated him further. It drove him to the corner and put him on edge. If his anger was already a familiar presence thrumming under his skin, its disruptive property was doubled, singing for his self-imposed destruction. These days, he was walking on thin ice, afraid that a moment of inattentiveness would cause him to slip and burst at the seams. Anger was an ugly thing, even uglier when it managed to spill through the tightly-sewn stitches of his being, dripping dark matter that would splatter upon the people around him if he wasn’t careful. Anger was also a hungry, lonesome beast; it’d eat and eat him up inside, leaving him feeling more empty in its supreme reign. 

Perhaps it was all the better that he should reject Taehyun’s invitation for a talk that afternoon due to that reason. Beomgyu could have easily said no, and he was certain Taehyun wouldn’t badger him anymore for the time being. But he was also deeply intrigued by the motive behind the invitation. The beta had personally contacted him outside of the group chat, which meant that he wished to retain privacy of this meeting from his other partners. 

Their meeting place was at the studio apartment Taehyun owned near the university. It was a tidy and sparse room, evidently not as lived-in the way a home should be. A single queen bed facing the balcony, a study table that was filled with textbooks and loose sheets and tools, even more reference books on the shelf and some weight bands, some decorative plants and minimalist paintings, and a marble kitchen bar separating the kitchen from the common area. There was a lack of personality to the studio apartment, but it felt cozy and secure. A safe haven for a wayfarer.   

“This is my secret base,” Taehyun told him as he ushered Beomgyu into the studio apartment, grinning like a gleeful kid who had just brought his very first friend to his secret hideout. 

The excitement and the shift in his demeanor made him appear younger, with a twinkle in his eyes that shed the intimidation that came with his persona. In the span of time that he knew them, Beomgyu had seen glimpses of Taehyun’s carefree and easy smiles, but they were never really directed his way. Being the one receiving one such smile was an experience. Taehyun could be kind of cute and youthful underneath those stubborn layers of professionalism. Beomgyu had always thought that the professor’s side of him was smart and sharp, but he was quickly endeared with this version of him more.  

“Not a secret now that I know it too, is it? And the others? I’m sure they must know too,” commented Beomgyu. 

“They do, but they know not to bother me when I’m here. Sit down and make yourself comfortable.” 

Beomgyu took a seat in one of the chairs at the kitchen bar, noting the collection of dry herbs and the protein powder and the boxes of flavored teas in one of the cabinets. 

“This is the place I go to when I’m busy with my research. Or when I need some alone time,” Taehyun said casually as he placed the baked goods he bought on the way from a French bakery on the kitchen bar. 

“You can’t have alone time at home?” 

“Well, I can, but it’s different. It can get tiring when you’re in a relationship with three alphas and living with them—easy to forget that you’re your own person too, outside of the relationship. I mean, Yeonjun hyung, Soobin hyung and Kai are great. They are not meatheads like most alphas, but they are still alphas, you know.” 

Beomgyu snorted and smiled, completely understanding that sentiment. “Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about.” 

Taehyun chuckled and looked at him, seemingly amused at the fact that they were bonding over the topic of alphas, some of the few things they both could wholeheartedly agree on. “Is tea okay with you? I don’t have much on my shelf,” said the beta. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Rose tea or ginger tea?” 

“Ginger.” 

It was still bright outside, but the studio apartment had a somber and dim quality to it. The late afternoon sun saturated their figures in a warm color, and casted a long shadow upon the marble. Taehyun shuffled around the small space, switching on the overhead light at the kitchen bar and the electricity, and opening a new box of tissues that he kept stacked on the kitchen counter.

They existed in silence as Taehyun put the kettle to boil and retrieved two mismatched mugs from the cabinet. He ripped two small packages and placed the tea bags into the mugs. Then he took a plate, and began unpacking and arranging sweets and the baked goods he bought—eclairs, lemon madeleines, and some variation of savory puff pastries. Once everything was ready, he carried the hot drinks and the plate of pastries on a tray to the kitchen bar where Beomgyu was waiting for him. 

“Have your morning sickness started?” the beta inquired, nodding at the mug of steaming ginger tea.  

Beomgyu hummed as he blew at the brown liquid, before he took a careful sip. “Symptoms are not so bad. Mostly just the common nausea you’d expect from a seven-weeks pregnancy. Still early.” 

“Your study? I hope it doesn’t bother your teaching and your dissertation writing process.”  

“No, I’m coping fine. Right now, at least. I read in a template from the Health Center that morning sickness is the worst from week nine until the end of the first trimester.”

“Oh yeah, I remember reading that too,” Taehyun stated. “That sounds tough. Don’t be shy to give us a call if you need something. Speaking of that, we’re gonna have another meet-up soon as per the contract. Something simple like dinner or lunch.”

The omega nodded his head, tracing the rim of the mug with his thumb. They hadn’t seen each other for two weeks, their contact limited to the chat group. “So… is there a specific reason that you want to meet me today?” Beomgyu asked. 

“Yes, actually. I have something important to discuss,” Taehyun answered, straight to the point. 

“Okay… What is it?” 

“About Soobin hyung and you. I thought it’d be fine, better, in fact, to just not acknowledge that you had a prior connection with Soobin hyung, but I was wrong.” 

“What do you mean?” Beomgyu said, hesitant. He felt he could predict the direction in which this talk would take, and he wanted to be wrong so badly. 

“Between us partners, we don’t really keep big secrets from each other. Everyone knows everything. That’s how we build and maintain trust,” Taehyun began, referring to the polycule, his pack members. He put down his half-eaten pastry to look at Beomgyu meaningfully. “Essentially, Soobin hyung and I have been… complicit in keeping this secret about you all this time from Yeonjun hyung and Kai.”  

“You mean about me being Soobin’s ex?” 

“Yes. I’m afraid that a prolonged period of secrecy will not end up well for Soobin and our relationship. Soobin hyung doesn’t say anything about it, but I know it’s burdening him—that he can’t be honest to Yeonjun hyung and Kai about you. I feel like I need to do something to help him,” the beta explained. 

Beomgyu’s stomach dropped. The eclair that he was eating turned hard and tasteless in his mouth. “Are you… Are you insinuating that you will tell Yeonjun hyung and Kai that I was in a relationship with Soobin before?” 

The beta frowned and shook his head immediately. “No, no. At least, I’m not going to be the one who will tell them.”  

“You want me to tell them?” Beomgyu breathed out these words like he couldn’t believe it, feeling even more anxious at the prospect of the future. This felt like the beginning of his losing grip of the things he could control, and it irked him as much as it scared him.  

Taehyun wiped his fingers on a tissue and leaned against the kitchen bar to regard the omega. He said, deliberately, like Beomgyu was a frightened animal. “I understand it’s not something easy, and it’s not my place to force you to do anything you don’t want. After all, this is your business with Soobin hyung. I can’t play a part in it because it’s simply not my place.” 

A puff of air escaped through Beomgyu’s teeth, like a laugh but not quite, laced with derision to evade the underlying fear and anger from seeping into his next words. Soobin had made Taehyun promise to keep it between the three of them. Involving the others was not something he wanted. It was difficult enough already, what would be in store for him if Yeonjun and Kai, too, knew? Ultimately, there was a likely possibility that the truth would have to come out, wouldn’t it? 

“You’re playing a part in it right now.” 

“Not directly . What I am doing right now is trying to persuade you to take part in an honest conversation with my other partners,” Taehyun replied, looking at him pointedly.  

Beomgyu had a terrible feeling that anything that would come out of his mouth would not be pretty, so he remained quiet, clenching his jaw as he stabilized his breathing so he wouldn’t plunge into that anger and other emotions too ugly to think of. 

Once it felt safe for him to speak, without the risk of that anger spilling from the seams of his being, the omega reasoned, “I thought we’re bound by contract. My past relationship with Soobin is a personal matter, and I don’t owe any explanation to anyone.” 

Besides Soobin. Soobin deserved an explanation, and an apology, although Beomgyu would rather not think about these. The more he thought, the more he felt—and the more his resolve was shaken, crumbling at the edges. 

Taehyun stared at the untouched liquid in his mug and curled his fingers around the mug, seeming to consider his words carefully. He was probably looking for a loophole in what Beomgyu had uttered, to create some room to wiggle in a seemingly logical counterargument to make Beomgyu agree.  

“I know it’s hypocritical of me to want this when I have emphasized the necessity of the contract when it comes to our relationship. I shall say it is a selfish request, something I am asking as a friend rather than a client to you,” Taehyun confessed, surprisingly earnestly. 

The honesty in his approach was admirable—it spoke of his dedication and loyalty to his partners—but Beomgyu was not in the right place to appreciate it. Instead, all that dawned on him was the fact that he was stuck in a place he didn’t want when he was already promised for an escape, about how unfair the situation was. Perhaps he had it coming—a repayment for the debt he had incurred in this lifetime for all the cowardly things he’d done and the heartache he caused to the people he loved and the people who loved him.  

“Soobin hyung promised to drop that topic, and that it’s something between only the three of us,” said Beomgyu, petulant. 

“And he’s keeping that promise. This request is out of my own volition; Soobin hyung doesn’t know anything about us meeting today.”  

Beomgyu shook his head, knowing that he would sound defensive and childish but unable to stop himself anyway. “I’m not telling them about that. You can’t make me.” 

“I’m not telling you to disclose all the details. Rather, just the simple fact that you and Soobin hyung used to be together. Telling that much will solve pretty much everything.” 

“What do you mean ‘solve everything’? It won’t solve anything on my side. Yeonjun and Kai will only come to think differently of me, because I was the one who left Soobin hanging.” 

Taehyun’s eyes settled on him. The depth of his dark gaze almost felt bottomless, observing Beomgyu in such a way that the omega wanted to cower. “Does it matter? If we’re bound by contract like you said, why would it matter so much what Yeonjun and Kai personally think of you?”

That was a damn good question. Yes, why would it matter? What was driving him to be so against the idea? But he could also ask the same of Taehyun: If they were bound by contract, why would it matter that Yeonjun and Kai knew about Soobin and him? If the contract was there to outline their boundary, what did this say about their professional, business relationship? What was the true purpose of the contract—to protect them or to work against them? 

“Beomgyu, I’m not trying to paint you as a bad person. I have thought about it—there must be a reason that you broke up with Soobin hyung, right?” 

“What makes you think so? I could just be a jerk, you know.”

“You have some issues, but you’re not bad . I don’t really see you as someone who would leave a relationship without a good reason.”  

“What did Soobin say about that?” Beomgyu prodded after he gulped down more ginger tea, trying to ease the increasing feeling of nausea at the mention of the reason for their breakup. The hotness of it burned down his throat satisfyingly painfully.  

The beta scoffed, a sudden exhale that encapsulated the mixed feelings of annoyance and disbelief. “He’s still protecting you after all these years. He didn’t say much, really,” Taehyun said, shrugging. “Just the fact that it happened around three months after your fourth year anniversary together, and that he wasn’t expecting the break up since you didn’t seem unhappy. He mentioned that you were in a bit of a low mood during the last week, but it wasn’t especially… concerning.”

That wasn’t the worst phase, yes. It was the weeks, months, following their separation that the distorted feelings following the aftermath of the abortion he went through truly settled in and impaired his sense of selfhood and self-worth, rewriting the very essence of his being in relation to the concept of the body and trauma. In hindsight, it almost felt theatrical at how a single decision could lead him here today, like a fallen domino creating this chain reaction of bad thing after bad thing happening.   

“Is… Is the reason for the break up something you cannot tell?” Taehyun continued on, watching closely as he waited for Beomgyu’s response. As if in doing so, he could decipher the reason Beomgyu was not ready to share. Not now, and probably not ever.  

Beomgyu remained silent, neither agreeing nor denying. 

“Like I said, we don’t need to get into the reason why. The point of it all is that we’re being transparent with them, that we’re not hiding things just among the three of us,” Taehyun added, finally.   

The omega shook his head, fidgeting with the hand he placed on his lap. “I—I don’t know how to tell them. I don’t want to tell them.”  

“I know I’m asking a lot from you. But think of it like you’re doing a favor for Soobin hyung. I’m worried for him, and for the others as well.”   

Beomgyu narrowed his eyes and asked, “What—? Is something happening between you guys right now? Is Soobin okay?” 

“Nothing is happening. Things are just a little strain right now, and I wish to bring back our equilibrium before it can cause real damage,” Taehyun replied calmly. 

Beomgyu opened his mouth and then closed it again, uncertain of what to say. It wasn’t his intention to be so narcissistic as to suggest that he played a part in their personal conflict, but he needed to make sure of it. “Did I… Does it have anything to do with me? Is keeping that a secret really affecting Soobin’s relationship with the others negatively?”  

There was a pregnant pause, and when Taehyun came back denying his suggestion, it wasn’t nearly as convincing nor did he appear particularly sure of himself, “No, not you. It’s us. Don’t worry. I thought that it might bring us ease of mind if we can have a deep long talk, but it’s not your fault. I promise.”  

A deep long talk. It felt like he was implying something more than just coming clean to Yeonjun and Kai about his past relationship with Soobin, but Beomgyu had no idea what Taehyun was referring to. There were too many things about the four men that remained so mysterious and so confusing to him, strengthened by his lack of insight into what they were truly thinking. Sometimes, Beomgyu felt like he was an unsuspecting insect caught in the spiderweb that they spun around him when he had his eyes closed, although this web wasn’t deadly. 

His meet-up with Taehyun that day ended in an unsatisfying note, with Beomgyu not giving in yet and Taehyun retreating for now although not yet defeated. Sooner or later, there would be a losing side, and Beomgyu prayed that it wouldn’t be him. 

The twenty-minute walk home was an enormous struggle of keeping down the pastries he’d eaten. Beomgyu barely made it back to the apartment before he stumbled to the toilet and kneeled in front of the toilet bowl, hurling the contents of his stomach. After he was done, he rose and pulled the flush, watching the contaminated water be replaced with a clear one. 

If only it was that easy to get rid of the intangible emotions in him. All of his feelings and anxiety—poured out of him into the toilet bowl and drained away with a single pull of the flush, leaving him new and clean and pretty like a blank slate. 

It would definitely be cathartic. 

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Beomgyu couldn’t sleep no matter how tired his body and mind were, and his neck was hurting a lot. He didn’t know what was wrong with the scent gland on his neck. The ones on his thighs and wrists were just fine, if not a bit red. He had tried changing the brand of scent patch, but that wasn’t working out as well as he’d thought. He had read about pregnancy causing a change in scent and itchiness on scent glands, but there was no solid information about swollen and inflamed scent glands. From the forum of expecting omegas, there were some obscure comment threads stating a similar symptom with his. And the reason for it, Beomgyu surmised from their input, had to do with increased stress and a lack of proper attention from the alpha partner. It appeared that the fastest solution was to scent and get scented. Mutual scenting. 

That may be true, but there was no real study to backup that claim. In addition, he couldn’t think of anyone he could ask of that, if it was true. Liliana liked his scent and he liked hers enough, but she and him didn’t get intimate like that—it just felt weird for them both. As for them , the mere suggestion of scenting and getting scented was not something Beomgyu could bring up without addressing the underlying desire present outside of the professional front they maintained—that maybe Beomgyu wanted them, that maybe Beomgyu wanted them to want him too. 

It was nearly two in the morning. There were unopened messages from the group chat asking him about what he had for dinner, but Beomgyu was inclined to ignore them right now. He already lied to them about what he had for lunch, he couldn’t do the same again about dinner. Beomgyu hadn’t been enthusiastic about eating since the nausea started, but today in particular—he’d only had a tangerine, some plain crackers, leftover yoghurt he had in the fridge and apple juice. Right now, he felt like he could only stomach congee, but that would require effort to make in the kitchen, and buying it would require some amount of effort too.    

Going out to the convenience store was the same, but he really thought he could die if he didn’t get some proper rest. What his body would need right now was effective painkillers and probably sleeping pills strong enough to knock out a horse, but considering his present condition, he couldn’t just carelessly do so. Still, he needed something, anything at all, to help him go to sleep and to stop the burning sensation in his scent gland that made his neck feel stiff. 

“Oh, you going out? At this hour?” Francesca asked. The alpha was seated at the dining table, working on his thesis on his laptop. After that belated welcome party, their relationship could be considered to be moving past the awkward phase into something more friendly. 

“Yeah, just for a bit. Need to buy something,” Beomgyu answered.

“Want me to go with you?” 

“No no, it’s okay. You’re working, right?”

“Well, my work is not going anywhere,” Francesca replied, shrugging.

Beomgyu shook his head. “It’s just a few minutes walk. Do you want me to get something for you from the convenience store?” 

“I don’t know if I should say this, but there’s something different about you,” the alpha commented instead, looking at him even more closely. 

“How so?” Beomgyu asked, trying not to feel intimidated.

It wasn’t possible that Francesca could tell anything about the state of his pregnancy. He made sure to diligently wear his scent patch all of the time outside of the comfort of his bedroom. Plus, it was still too early for the alpha to be able to detect it from his scent, especially for such a young alpha—they were not as receptive. Of course, that wasn’t the only way he could tell, but Beomgyu thought he’d be saved from having to do any explanation until he was perhaps three or four months pregnant, or until his housemates dared to ask any questions regarding that. 

“You look like a panda because of your eyebags,” Francesca said jokingly, laughing when Beomgyu rolled his eyes at him. “I want beer, please.” 

“You’re drinking while writing?” the omega said, not bothering to conceal his judgemental stare. 

“Why not?”

“Fine, whatever. Anything else?” 

“That’s all. You sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Francesca repeated his question. 

“Yes, for god’s sake. I didn’t know you’re obsessed with me.” 

“Geez, okay. You can go already. Be careful.” The alpha bid him goodbye and returned to his work. 

The 24/7 convenience store was located a few blocks away from the apartment, so the walk there took less than ten minutes. Beomgyu frequented this store often, but rarely at midnight, so he wasn’t prepared to see a rowdy group of three men at the curb, drinking alcohol and chattering loudly in vulgar language. He avoided making eye contact, keen to not acknowledge their presence, although it was made a bit difficult due to the fact that they were seated near the entrance door.  

Beomgyu browsed the isle once inside, reading through the labels and quickly finding what he was looking for. Paracetamol and Unisom. Then, he stopped in front of the refrigerator, his hand reaching out to take two cans of Asahi beer for Francesca. After a bit of consideration, he decided on a bottle of isotonic drink for himself. 

Once he made the payment and was about to return back to the apartment, he accidentally knocked an empty glass bottle when he pushed the entrance door of the convenience store. It rolled on the ground and hit the feet of one of the drunken men. 

“Sorry…” he muttered, holding his breath because these men reeked of alcohol. The smell of it and their appearance triggered the old memory of his stepdad. 

One of the drunken men—red-haired and a rather young-looking one—grabbed his arm, successfully stopping him from leaving. 

“Not so fast,” he said, clenching more so that his hold on Beomgyu hurt a little. 

“I have apologized. What more do you want?” Beomgyu turned to face him and hissed, baring his teeth in what he hoped was an imposing manner so that man would leave him the fuck alone. Deep down he knew he’d be in trouble the longer he stayed here, so he must leave before this interaction escalated into something he couldn’t escape from. 

Alcohol was not a good thing. Too much of it changed people, and never in a good way. It brought out the worst even in the kindest people. Beomgyu had seen it, and that experience made him all too wary of his chance of escaping the situation unscathed.

“You’re a resentful thing, ain’t you. Why you looking at me like that?” the red-haired man continued, as if he didn’t hear Beomgyu. 

“Like what?” 

“Like I’m a dirt under your shoe. You’ve had that look from the moment you arrived.”

“I’m not looking at you like that. I didn’t even look at you .” 

“Liar liar pants on fire,” he said, in a sing-a-song manner, and laughed boisterously. 

“Let me go,” the omega insisted, tugging his hand harshly but the man was not budging. In fact, his grip only tightened, nearly making Beomgyu wince. 

“Just leave him be. Don’t fuck around with the kid,” one of the other men present said, voice gruff. He was tipsy, not as drunk as this man, and was much older. Perhaps in his 50s, or even 60s. 

“Oh, Jim. Come on man, no one’s gonna give you a trophy for letting him off.” 

Jim laughed and nodded in Beomgyu’s direction. “I know you’re no gentleman but the kid’s pregnant. I think. Better stay away, huh? Don’t wanna be responsible if something happens, do ya? They have CCTV here.”  

The red-haired man regarded the said CCTV of the convenience store, not yet releasing his hold as he squinted his eyes while looking at Beomgyu. “Really, pregnant? Are you even twenty yet? What a fucking bitch.” He shook his head and smirked, as if disagreeing with the idea of it. As if he had any say when he was a jobless drunk. 

Beomgyu felt the awful profanities hanging at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be let loose and freely spill out. After all, he had much to say. Like the fact that it was none of the drunk man’s business that he was pregnant. Or that Beomgyu was not a teen kid, and the drunk man was more than likely a racist piece of shit. But the omega was more grateful that he was finally let go. 

“‘Supposed you’re in luck,” the red-haired man said, unceremoniously grabbing his drink and taking a swig as if he hadn’t been a total dickhead just now. 

This chance encounter already left a sour taste in Beomgyu’s mouth, but he knew better than to push his luck. He could have ended up with another scar like the one on his back if he wasn’t careful—that, if he was lucky. 

He made haste to leave the convenience store, turning a deaf ear to the mocking laugh of those drunk men as he rubbed at his wrist where the tight hold had turned his skin slightly red. More than the physical sensation though, all the possible outcomes of getting himself involved with a group of drunken men had almost terrified him. Beomgyu knew that the red-haired drunk man was riding the high of scaring him. What a fucking asshole. 

When Beomgyu arrived back at the apartment, he passed the beer cans to Francesca and locked himself in his room. He forced himself to eat a small pack of plain crackers that he had on his study table, then swallowed two tablets of paracetamol and one tablet of unisom that he bought with the isotonic drink. Unisom was a common and safe medication for treating insomnia and morning sickness, so it was like killing two birds with one stone. 

The omega gathered his pillow and blanket, and the bamboo shark plushie that he hadn’t touched since that time in the Health Center when he received it. He made himself comfortable on the bed and hugged the plushie. It still carried Kai’s scent. 

Beomgyu didn’t fall asleep soon enough, but once the drug had slithered into his system, there was a quietness to his previously loud thoughts. For the first time in a while, he was completely at peace in his sleep, without the memory of the past leaking out from his psyche and taking the form of a dream in his unconsciousness. There was no dream at all, just a darkness that lulled him in a vast sea of nothingness. 

.

.

.

His phone vibrated by his head, startled him out of his sleep, disoriented and in even more pain than the time he went to sleep. His head felt heavy and light simultaneously, like it couldn’t decide on the feeling of being weighed down by a rock or being stuffed full of cotton. His throat felt dry, and swallowing hurt. The t-shirt he was wearing to sleep was sticking to his body uncomfortably, drenched in sweat although he didn’t feel warm. He didn’t know how long he slept, and whether it was night or day since he didn’t draw the curtain. 

Without moving much, Beomgyu reached for his phone and squinted in the dark, seeing that it was Soobin before he pressed the answer button in a daze, without the realization of having done so fully settled in. 

“Hello, Beomgyu?” Soobin’s voice came, waking him up more. “Where were you? You haven’t been replying to any of our texts, and we’re getting worried that you might get in trouble or something. We actually planned a dinner tonight but you haven’t answered back.” 

Beomgyu tried to flip onto his back, to lay down in a more comfortable position. But he couldn’t. In a slight panic, he realized he couldn’t move his head no matter how hard he tried. The strain he put on his neck from that forceful action caused a blinding pain to bloom in his jugular, driving him to close his eyes and blink the fresh tears that sprung there at the shock of it. It wasn’t the kind of pain he was familiar with, and the unfamiliarity of it only increased his panic. 

“Beomgyu?” 

“H-help,” he croaked, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. 

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” 

Beomgyu inhaled and exhaled, reminding himself that at least he wasn’t completely alone. He tried again, speaking in a somewhat clearer voice, although clarity still seemed like a distant thing for him. His brain was just catching up to the fact that he was emerging out of his deep sleep. “Uh, room? In my room.” 

“Something happened? Are you okay?” 

He tried to move his neck again, as if this time he would magically be able to do so after having failed a few times already. Of course, it didn’t work, instead the deep ache in his scent gland that he felt only confirmed that something was terribly wrong with him. 

“Hurt, just hurt. Don’t know why,” Beomgyu replied. 

“Are you alone right now?” 

The omega hummed, feeling himself returning entirely, the pain having pervaded him and provided him with clarity of the mind. “I can’t move my neck.” 

“Okay, I’m coming. But don’t cut off the call,” Soobin said.   

He didn’t cut it off. Although it wasn’t like they were talking as he waited for Soobin to come. Occasionally, the receiver picked up static noise and rustling sounds, signs of movements. He supposed the simple knowledge of having another’s presence with him was a form of comfort in itself. 

Time passed like that, not fast enough for someone who couldn’t do anything but stay unmoved. Beomgyu kept his head and neck very still, to avoid causing unnecessary pain. The panic that struck him had mellowed down somewhat, overpowered by concern for his own well-being. 

In the meantime, he thought about how he would face Soobin in his current condition. Whilst Soobin’s dependable nature was a great source of relief, Beomgyu was aware that he was not someone who should be receiving that privilege. 

“Are you still there?” Soobin’s voice suddenly resurfaced. 

“Hm, yeah…” 

“What is your apartment number?” 

“1035. It’s on the third floor.” 

“Alright, I’ll be there shortly.” 

Beomgyu closed his eyes, letting the minutes flow, preparing his mind for Soobin’s arrival. No amount of time would be sufficient, but that didn’t stop him from trying. 

When Soobin finally found him curling on his side on the bed, funnily, they didn’t exchange a single word. The alpha simply stared at him for a moment after he drew the curtain and opened the window to get rid of the stale air (it was afternoon, though Beomgyu couldn’t be certain what day), observing the sorry state he was in. Then, Soobin went out of the room before Beomgyu could open his mouth, and returned with a bowl of ice from the kitchen. Beomgyu could hear faint voices from outside of his room, speaking amongst themselves before the door was closed again. 

That sounded like Dewi and Mikhail. Right, his housemates. Beomgyu would have some explanation to do. It was an incredible thing that they let Soobin in, since they were always wary of letting any strangers into the apartment. He wondered what Soobin could possibly have told them to be allowed in so easily. 

“Hi,” Beomgyu uttered, deciding that he should break the silence. 

“Hi. How are you doing?” 

“Been better.” 

“Your skin seems red, under your scent patch. I think your scent gland is inflamed,” Soobin said, putting the neatly folded cloth he found in Beomgyu’s wardrobe next to the bowl of ice at the bedside table. 

So, he forgot to take off the scent patch before he went to sleep. Perhaps it was adding to the cause of the irritation on his skin. How careless. 

The alpha settled on the bed, his brows made a slight downward turn as he took in the sight of Beomgyu. He made a move to remove the scent patch, and Beomgyu recoiled, pushing off Soobin’s hand with his own hand before it could reach his neck. Soobin looked at him pointedly and sighed. 

“I need to see, Beomgyu. I have to take off the scent patch.” 

He whined and tried to shake his head, but was unable to do so because his neck was so stiff and sore. “N-no. It hurts so bad.” 

“I know, but it’ll only take a while. I promise I’ll make it quick.”  

It wasn’t easy to console Beomgyu. Even the slightest touch on the area of his neck was enough to make him flinch, let alone ripping the scent patch off. To appease him, Soobin very delicately propped him up on the bed, supporting the back of his neck all the while. He positioned Beomgyu’s head on his shoulder near his scent gland, to let the omega sniff his faint scent that trickled out of his scent patch, finding solace from their physical closeness. It was moments like this that the intricate wiring of their biological instinct came in handy—for as much as the matter of their real feelings could get in the way, the omega in Beomgyu would still find a way to savor the ineffable happiness at the attention and the alpha in Soobin would still be inclined to do everything in its willpower to accommodate. 

It was cruel too, in a way. That their bodies and instincts remembered each other, and knew what each other needed. 

After a few more exchanges of reassuring words, Soobin’s fingers found the edge of the scent patch on Beomgyu’s neck. As promised, he made it quick—ripping it off Beomgyu’s skin with a single swift motion. 

Fuck, fuck . It fucking burned. Beomgyu bit the inside of his cheek and sucked in harsh breath, huffing and puffing like he was a fish thrown onto the dry land for the first time. 

His scent immediately overwhelmed the space of the room, having been released from its confinement. It didn’t smell as nice, warped with anxiety, hurt, and physical and mental fatigue. Beomgyu hated it—the fact that Soobin would be able to tell what he was feeling from the subtlest changes in his scent. Without the scent patch, he would be as transparent as a glass. 

“It’s swollen… quite badly,” Soobin said quietly, his voice entering Beomgyu’s head and dripping down inside him like honey. 

It must actually be worse than just ‘quite badly’. But Beomgyu didn’t comment on that. 

The alpha spread the cloth and placed some ice on it. He closed his hand around the cloth, forming a cold compress that he used to nurse the inflamed area. Beomgyu gasped upon initial contact, but soon enough the coldness from the ice began to sooth the burn of his scent gland. It numbed the pain, and caused a prickling and dull throbbing sensation to rise, but at least it returned the feeling in his neck a little. 

Beomgyu couldn’t be sure how long they stayed that way—Soobin patiently nursing him, and Beomgyu patiently waiting for the swelling of his scent gland to reduce slightly. Neither of them cared enough to fill the silence with a conversation. When the ice had melted, Soobin removed the cloth. As the alpha was replacing new ice for the compress, Beomgyu attempted to shift his head, but the pain apparently had lessened very little. In fact, in addition to the ache that shot up his neck, that small movement had triggered a sudden strong feeling of nausea, opposite of what he was hoping for. 

“Soobin…” he called urgently, tugging at the hem of Soobin’s shirt. 

“Hm?” Soobin regarded him, inclining his head to look at Beomgyu in the eyes. “Are you going to be sick?” 

Beomgyu whimpered and gagged, gripping Soobin’s shirt tighter, trying but failing to ease the wretched feeling of his insides contracting. Soobin barely managed to get the cloth he used as compress for his swollen scent gland earlier under his chin, before Beomgyu started heaving and coughing. The thing that spilled out of his mouth and onto the cloth was mostly clear translucent liquid, all stomach acid because he hadn’t eaten anything of substance since—yesterday? Maybe. He didn’t know how long he slept, although it felt like he slept for very long. 

His shoulders shook with effort. His stomach twisted unpleasantly, as if there was an invisible hand that wringed and squeezed dry all the content. He retched until his throat felt raw from use, until the bitter and sour taste of bile in his mouth overwhelmed his senses. 

Once he finished vomiting, leaving him even more drained of any energy he had left, Soobin wiped his chin and lips delicately, and pushed his damp hair that was sticking onto his sweaty forehead. Beomgyu was sweating like crazy, but he felt cold. So cold he could feel the goosebumps on his arms and the back of his neck, could feel the shivers that ran up and down his spine, could feel the minute trembling in his fingers that were still holding onto Soobin’s shirt like it was his last lifeline.  

“Are you done?” the alpha asked, putting away the dirty cloth. Soobin was still massaging his back with one hand and supporting his neck by letting him lean onto him.    

Beomgyu rasped out an affirmative and sniffled. The humiliation and embarrassment he felt about his current situation burned as hot as the tears that quickly gathered in his eyes. There was the bone-deep weariness and the physical strain that his body was forced to go through, heavy like an anchor pulling him down. And then there was the fact that he was so ill he had to ask for help from Soobin, someone he couldn’t even face with dignity but shamelessly relying on in his moment of weakness.  

He knew crying would not make him feel better, and neither would it lessen the overwhelming shame that soaked him at the moment. For fuck’s sake, he had cried more times in the past two months than he ever did in the past year. But he was in so much pain, and he was so tired of feelings . He wanted to gouge out his heart from his chest and lay it down on the mattress and let it bleed. He wanted to sleep and not dream of anything, to wake up and not be laden with guilt, to see Soobin with a clear heart and not be plunged into all these complex emotions.   

Soobin . Beomgyu had so many feelings when it came to him, most of which was guilt, but it couldn’t compare to the sheer humiliation that encompassed his entire being at the moment, intensified even more at the alpha’s handling of him. So gentle and careful were his touches like fragile petals brushing against Beomgyu’s cheeks in spring. So soft that they hurt. 

Beomgyu wanted to apologize, to be truthful towards him in the way that he couldn’t in the past. Because how could Beomgyu have been so selfish? Soobin deserved that much, didn’t he? He deserved to know the truth that Beomgyu had kept a secret from him. If only Beomgyu was strong enough to face the consequence of his action, to own his decision of having chosen abortion five years ago, regardless of the irreversible damage it had done to his sense of self-worth and identity. If only. 

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s just me, Beomgyu,” Soobin coaxed him when his quiet crying turned into sobbing, rattling his frame with tremor. He pressed the omega deeper into his neck, then he unraveled Beomgyu’s hold on his shirt, massaging the back of Beomgyu’s hand. With his other hand, he ran his palm up and down Beomgyu’s spine. “I’ve seen it all before. It’s just me.”

That was all the more reason for Beomgyu to be ashamed of himself. But he was tired of feeling ashamed, too. 

“Do you want me to help you?” he asked. 

Soobin was referring to the act of releasing pheromones for the purpose of forceful submission. It would fog Beomgyu’s brain, filling him with a woozy kind of tranquility, but it was the most effective and foolproof method in getting him to calm down. The shortcut to negate all kinds of mental discomfort, in exchange of total submission.  

“Yes,” the omega said, not hesitating. If he couldn’t run away from his feelings, then he might as well deny himself the capacity to feel. He was being extremely selfish, but he knew Soobin would take good care of him. 

The air infused with Soobin’s calming scent helped him relax considerably, a full blast of green forest and orchid now that he had taken off his scent patch. The alpha laid him down on the bed, and Beomgyu was pliant in the time that it took for him to do so, no longer having any fight left in him. 

His bubbling, rushing thoughts and emotions came to a halt. Their sharp, jagged edges digging into the most vulnerable parts of his mind and psyche disappeared, suppressed underneath the influence of the alpha’s pheromones. Beomgyu was aware of his existence, but nothing more. 

Blissfully empty. Even the pain in his scent gland seemed to soften, less intense. 

“What day is it?” Beomgyu asked, blinking blearily, after he was made comfortable on the bed. Soobin had covered him up with a blanket when he complained about being cold.  

“Sunday,” replied Soobin, going back to pressing a new and clean cold compress on his scent gland. The cloth with ice was wedged in the space between his shoulder and neck. “Your housemate said you’re in your room the whole day yesterday. You said to leave you alone because you wanted to catch up on some rest.” 

Beomgyu didn’t remember telling them that. It seemed there was a hole in his memory of what had transpired yesterday, spoken at the interval of his barely waking hour in between all the sleep he had. “Maybe I did… I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“What did you take and how much did you take? The sleeping pills?” 

“Not sleeping pills. Unisom, and painkillers. I took one unisom and two paracetamol before sleeping, but I don’t remember if I took more afterward…”  

“Oh god. How can you be so careless?” 

“I’m not... I’m trying to take care of myself, that’s why I took the medication to sleep. I’ll get better with enough sleep.” 

Soobin was silent for a moment, then he huffed and shook his head in disapproval. “You’re good at surviving, but never at taking care of yourself.” 

Beomgyu chuckled weakly and leaned into Soobin’s idle patting on his hair, weak against such a comforting gesture. Especially with that fog in his brain having not yet dissipated. “How is that different?” 

“Of course it’s different,” Soobin said, although he didn’t bother to elaborate. 

When the alpha stopped patting his hair and rose from the bed, Beomgyu’s eyes snapped open to find him. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I just need to make a phone call,” Soobin told him. 

He fished out his phone from his pocket, standing by the opened window and gazing outside as he waited for the call to connect. The room was small, but strangely, Beomgyu couldn’t make out Soobin’s conversation. 

Once the call had ended, Soobin scanned the room, as if looking for something. He grabbed the suitcase that Beomgyu placed on top of his wardrobe, opened the wardrobe, and started going through Beomgyu’s clothes. He chose some of the good ones with cozy materials and put them in the suitcase.  

“What are you doing?” Beomgyu asked groggily, making a move to sit up on the bed. He failed, and nearly cried out when a white-hot pain bloomed in his scent gland. The shock of it pierced through the foggy state he was in. 

Fuck, his neck was really killing him. It almost felt like no amount of cold compressing could fix it. 

“Packing up your stuff.” 

“What? Why? Are you sending me to the Health Center?”

Soobin stopped stuffing clean clothes into the suitcase when he found a dark blue hoodie among the other clothes hung in there. That was Kai’s hoodie that Beomgyu hadn’t returned. Great, now he had another explanation to do. 

Thankfully, Soobin put off interrogating him at the moment. He turned to regard him. “No, I was talking with my partners about you just now. I’m bringing you back home with me.”

Chapter Text

Their house was a massive, elegant structure, protected by high walls and situated at the outskirt of the city.

It was a mansion, with a large backyard that stretched along a lake. Not tacky and excessive, but a sophisticated one. The kind that could only be afforded by a staggering number of people; the riches, the high caliber entrepreneurs and the first-rate celebrities. The design was a mix of old-school and modern, although heavy on the modern, and the size of it was something close to the multipurpose art studio back in Beomgyu’s hometown where he used to attend his painting class, only with more floors. Like most modern structures, it was tall and square, and painted black and white on the outside—the very simple impressions that he could give, due to his limited knowledge about architecture. 

The inside had a warmer touch to it. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that it wasn’t as perfectly pristine, with traces of presence everywhere; two umbrellas in the holder at the entrance, a magazine stack and a book with two empty wine glasses on the rattan table in the living room, a fallen couch pillow on the floor, little trinkets scattered under the table lamp, an opened jar of chocolate candies on the kitchen bar. Perhaps it also had something to do with the smooth, polished woods taking up most space, making it feel more homey. There was even a minimalist indoor garden inside the mansion, filled with deep and lush green plants, with a white stone table in the middle. If he wasn’t feeling as unwell, he would have occupied himself with taking in the sight more, marveling at the unfamiliar environment he found himself in. 

Soobin led him to the bathroom on the first floor. Someone already drew the bath. The tub water was tinged a light pink, and it smelled floral. 

“Strip and get into the bath while I prepare your towel and clean clothes,” Soobin said as he made Beomgyu sit on a plush sofa in front of a tall glass separating the sinks area from the shower and the bathtub. It was unnecessarily big and lavish for a bathroom. Even the door knob was the fancy glass kind with a gold embellish. 

“Or perhaps you need my help with getting out of those clothes?” he continued when Beomgyu remained silent. 

“No. I can do it myself,” muttered the omega, blinking repeatedly as he adjusted to the white light that assaulted his sensitive eyes. 

Soobin squinted his eyes at him. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, and don’t look at me like that.” 

“Like what?”

“Like I’ll trip over the air and create a scene of bloodbath in your bathroom if you leave me alone for one minute.” 

The alpha hummed and crossed his arms on his chest. A hint of a smile was tugging at his lips. “You haven’t exactly done anything that would assure me of your competence.” 

“Fair enough. But I- I don’t want to be naked in front of you…” Beomgyu replied with a pout, his voice growing smaller and smaller towards the end of his utterance. 

“What’s that?” 

“I said I don’t want to be naked in front of you!”

There was a frown on his face, as if he was genuinely not expecting that response from Beomgyu. “I had seen you naked before.”

The omega resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah, of course. Very funny.” 

Soobin snorted and shook his head, but didn’t say anything more and finally left him alone.  

It was a challenging task to take off his clothes. The throbbing and stiffness in his neck caused by his inflamed scent gland may have lessened significantly from the time he woke up, but hadn’t diminished enough for him to move freely without the constant reminder of its pain. Occasionally, Beomgyu still had to grit his teeth and swallow down the whimper that threatened to escape his lips, all the while fruitlessly praying to God that he would feel better soon. Deep down, he had a strong inkling that it wouldn’t simply be gone from the cold compressing he’d had; it seemed to require a method of handling that Beomgyu was not yet ready to admit. 

Beomgyu dipped his toes into the water, ecstatic to discover that it was warm. He was feeling rather cold despite the weather; a warm bath sounded nice. He had just sunk his achy body into the warm water, relishing in the pleasant sensation that crawled on his skin and seeped into him, when Soobin suddenly emerged from the entrance door of the bathroom. 

“What are you doing here?” Beomgyu asked, trying not to sound as scandalized for having been intruded by Soobin. He wrapped his arms around his chest and backed against the wall. While all the bubbles and foams that had formed and gathered on the surface of the bath water somewhat provided a cover for his nudity, there was nothing modest in regard to the condition that they were in at the moment. 

“Your towel and clean clothes,” replied Soobin casually, placing them on the plush sofa where Beomgyu sat earlier.

“Okay… Then why are you not leaving?”  

“Let me wash your hair. And sponge your back,” the alpha offered. 

The omega eyed him warily. “That’s… improper. And—and what would your partners say about this?” 

“That isn’t an answer. Yes or no?” 

He pinched his fingers under the water and cursed Soobin in his head for his lack of tact. 

Of course it’d be nice to have someone washing his hair and his back. Soobin and him used to do that for each other all the time when they were together; an effective method at unwinding after a long week. Beomgyu wanted to say no, he really did, but the urge for wanting to be spoiled with comfort was much bigger than his pride. Him being sick also probably contributed a lot to this display of weakness for Soobin’s care. 

As Soobin took his place behind him with a resounding ‘pop’ of him tugging open the shampoo lid, Beomgyu relaxed and leaned his back against the bathtub, trying not to focus too much on the strange circumstance he found himself in. To think that only a few hours ago, he was rotting in his bed catching up on some sleep and nursing his sickness alone, and now he was at Soobin and his partners’ mansion, about to have his hair and back scrubbed by Soobin. 

“My partners are not going to misunderstand, if that’s your concern,” said Soobin after much time had passed. 

He had his fingers buried in Beomgyu’s hair, pressing circles onto his scalp. Sometimes, they would travel downward, his fingertips brushing against Beomgyu’s clavicles as he kneaded and loosened the knots in his shoulders delicately. The heat from Soobin’s hands stirred something in Beomgyu’s belly; his body paying no regard to the inappropriate timing. 

“How can you be so sure of that? All of you… always saying the same thing,” the omega mumbled.

“All of us?”

Beomgyu sighed, tired of being kept in the dark and no longer having much reservation in trying to get what he wanted. In all fairness though, what he wanted was an explanation to their confusing words and behaviors towards him, and he thought he deserved to be enlightened. His patience was running thin. 

“Not all I supposed, but Yeonjun had said the same thing before—something similar to your ‘my partners are not going to misunderstand’. How can you know that? Have you guys talked about me behind my back?” 

To his surprise, Soobin didn’t deny it. “We have talked about you. Many times, in fact.” 

Of course, Beomgyu should have expected that much. He did catch Soobin and Kai discussing him during the dinner cruise, after all. The more important question might be what about him were they talking about, particularly if Beomgyu was a common topic like Soobin had told him just now. 

“If I ask what about, you wouldn’t tell me, would you? You’d say something along the line of ‘sorry, it’s not something I can tell you’.” 

“I can tell you. We can tell you, we just haven’t.”

Another excuse. More excuses. No matter what Beomgyu did, he knew they would skirt around the subject and never be direct with him the way he wanted them to. Beomgyu felt drained already at the thought of it. All that gusto to uncover the reason for their treatment of him that sprung out of nowhere vanished as soon as it had come. 

“Screw that. I don’t care. I don’t want to think about that.” 

Beomgyu pushed his head back against the edge of the tub and closed his eyes, wincing a bit from the carelessness at which he moved. The fingers in his hair continued to rub his scalp, taking time to soothe the tension there; like an unverbalized apology.  

“Do you want to know?” asked the alpha—a bait that Beomgyu wouldn’t take. When the silence that ensued became tense, Soobin added, “Are you angry?” 

The omega let out a huff. A sudden, sharp sound that he wasn’t able to contain. “What do you think?”

“You are angry.” 

“Right…” said the omega sarcastically. 

“It’s not time yet.”

“When is the time then?” 

“When you’re ready for us, and when we’re ready for you.”

This time, Beomgyu couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. “What the fuck are you even talking about?” 

Soobin didn’t answer for a while. The alpha stopped massaging his head, took off the shower head from its holder, and started washing the shampoo off of his hair. He was careful and thorough as he washed off the suds. Once Beomgyu thought the conversation had ended prematurely, Soobin began again. 

“I take it you already have an idea what I’m talking about.”

It made Beomgyu want to laugh. The absurdity of the situation. The calmness in Soobin’s voice and demeanor. The anger bubbling in Beomgyu’s veins. He thought the fatigue he felt would render him completely docile and compliant, but there was a newfound strength surging in him that enabled that anger to be channeled.  

Beomgyu whipped his head back to look at Soobin, so fast that the fresh droplets of water from his hair flew and wet Soobin’s shirt. 

“How would I have any idea when all you and your partners do is egging me on, leading me on, then you turn your backs to me like I am simply an accommodation, telling me half-truth all the time and yet you expect the truth from me. You guys blow hot and cold. I don’t understand—what exactly do you guys want from me?” he exclaimed, pressing his forefinger onto Soobin’s clothed chest. 

Perhaps it wasn’t fair to pile all the blame on Soobin, but he couldn’t stop himself. He’d had enough of keeping quiet and letting himself be dragged to match their pace. 

The pain on his neck from the harsh movement was beginning to settle in; one that he masked in favor of staring at Soobin, challenging him for a clarification. But of course, it seemed Soobin was still fluent in his body language, recognizing immediately the signs of discomfort despite Beomgyu’s best attempt at pretending that the intense throbbing in his swollen scent gland was not affecting him. 

“No, don’t,” Beomgyu stopped him, warding Soobin off of his personal space before the alpha could reach for him. 

A wild shiver raked his body, causing his teeth to chatter. The omega cradled his neck and reclined his head, holding the position and waiting for the hurt to lessen. He flexed his fingers and breathed slowly and deeply, hoping that the coldness he was feeling would not make itself known more than it already was. Minutes passed in silence, safe from the small noises Beomgyu made, holding onto what little patience he had in him as the anger was wearing off of him.  

Soobin sighed as he looked at the stubborn omega. “I’m sorry I upset you. We will have a talk, Beomgyu. But I just want you to know that I… About you, I still have—”

There was a series of knocks on the bathroom door. Someone twisted the knob from outside, and Yeonjun’s head peek through the gap produced. 

“Not done yet?” asked the older alpha.

“We’re about to. Why, hyung?” Soobin said.

“Taehyun needs you in the kitchen, Soobin.”

Soobin gave Beomgyu one last look before he stood up and left, leaving Beomgyu with Yeonjun. 

Yeonjun’s nose twitched, seeming to pick up the omega’s scent that’d enveloped the bathroom, mixing in with the floral note of the bath. It was the first time that Yeonjun was fully exposed to Beomgyu’s scent without the scent patch or the scent blocker to minimize its potency—understandably it could be shocking, especially because it wasn’t very pleasant at the moment, considering that Beomgyu’s emotions were all over the place. The alpha covered his nose and coughed into his fist, clearing his throat before he spoke again. 

“So, Taehyun wants to know if there’s anything you want to eat,” Yeonjun began conversationally, eyeing him non-discreetly, though it was difficult to decipher where he was truly looking at or what he was truly thinking. Feeling self-conscious, the omega submerged his body deeper into the water, allowing only his head to stay above water. 

“Some of us are going out to get groceries after this. Taehyun’s cooking dinner this evening, so you can make any request.”  

“Chicken congee, with lots of chicken and ginger. And I want steak with mashed potatoes.”

“Steak with mashed potatoes? You sure are making the guy work,” teased Yeonjun, with that familiar tilt in his voice that reminded Beomgyu of the version of him that was before the disaster that was the movie premiere. 

“I’m quite hungry,” the omega answered curtly. 

“Of course. Is there anything else you want? Dessert?” 

“Hm, just fruit, I think. Shine muscat or strawberry.” 

The alpha nodded his head, still looking at him intently. Although now, it was clear that he was staring at the red patch of skin on his neck. “You can’t be using your scent patch, right? For that to heal?” 

“Yeah, I believe so.” 

Yeonjun opened and closed his mouth, appearing conflicted about something. In the end, he only smiled and said, “make yourself at home.” 

Then, he also left. The absence of Soobin and Yeonjun put his mind slightly at ease.

It didn’t take long for him to get out of the bathtub after that, as the water had already started cooling some time ago. He rinsed off the remaining soap on his body, patted himself dry with the towel, and put on the matching hoodie and sweatpants that Soobin had prepared. Those were among Beomgyu’s best clothes, a new pair that he bought with the compensation money he received from the pack recently. The material was thick and cozy, though the fact that it was wasn’t helping with the perpetual coldness that he felt deep from his core down to the tip of his fingers. 

After he finished dressing up, he sat down on the plush sofa, staring at nothing and waiting until he was ready to face them again. 

.

.

.

According to Dr. Vila, who Taehyun had phoned while he was taking the bath, the likely causes for the inflammation were more or less the same as what he’d read in the forum. 

Currently, they were gathered at the patio, shortly after they had shown Beomgyu his room for the duration of his stay. Soobin and Kai were sitting on the outdoor chairs opposite of him, Taehyun was the same but seated beside him, and Yeonjun was standing near the swimming pool, gazing at the water surface like it was the most fascinating thing ever. Beomgyu was curling sideways in the egg chair he was in, with a small pillow supporting his neck, hugging his knees to his chest as he was scrutinized by these men. 

It wasn’t an enjoyable experience to have the beta listed out each possible reason as Yeonjun, Kai, and Soobin were there in front of him, expression solemn and not giving much for Beomgyu to read—‘lack or complete absence of scenting between the pregnant omega and another person’, ‘external stressors’, ‘deficit of vitamin K’, ‘heightened skin and gland sensitivity in a pregnancy’. The trigger factors often overlapped for the scent gland to get to the point of such a bad case of inflammation, but it was primarily caused by absence of scenting. In order to appease the symptom, frequent mutual scenting and surrounding oneself in others’ scents were needed. Unless these proved to be ineffective in treating the ailment, then further intervention had to be carried out. This may include the use of medications, which Dr. Vila had emphasized should be the last resort.  

“So, how long has it been since the last time you were scented? Or you, scenting someone?” Taehyun asked. 

It had been years. Discounting the times he and his friends did it briefly as a joke, sometimes. Those were not proper scenting though; they hardly would mean anything in comparison. Scenting that counted should be deliberate and done with care, not a thoughtless or careless act that ended in less than a minute or two. 

“It’s been quite long. I don’t remember…” replied Beomgyu. Lying, obviously. The last time was when he was still with Soobin—it’d been that long, yes—the fact which annoyed him, because why did everything have to lead back to the soft-looking, dimpled alpha? 

“I have discussed with Yeonjun hyung, Soobin hyung, and Kai about the situation. If you’re fine with it, we can make an arrangement. It’s a bit vague in the contract, but we agree to provide for you during the entirety of your pregnancy—and this includes whatever you may need now or in the future. After all, you’re pregnant with our child; you are our responsibility. If mutual scenting is the solution to your present ailment, there is a way in which we can help.” 

“In other words, you’re suggesting that we do mutual scenting?” Beomgyu cut to the chase. 

“Yes, unless you have another way to deal with it,” Taehyun confirmed.

The beta knew what he was talking about. He was giving Beomgyu a chance to suggest another way not because he thought Beomgyu had another way, but to allow Beomgyu to see that this was their best bet. 

Beomgyu hesitated, but opted to let it out anyway. Fuck formality, fuck the contract. 

“But how do you all feel about this? And I’m not referring to what should and shouldn’t be done—that’s obvious. What I mean is whether you want to do mutual scenting with me.”  

There. The omega felt kind of proud that he was finally putting his feet down, becoming more proactive and confident about his involvement in their relationship. He should have done this sooner, should have ignored all pretenses of professionalism the moment his gut feeling was telling him to do so. His question didn’t put them off their rhythm as much as he’d wished it would, but Beomgyu savored the few moments of silence that came with it. 

Soobin was the first to say anything. “We do want to do it with you, of course. Mutual scenting is not to be taken lightly, we have to want it to even suggest it to you.” 

“You’re no stranger, Beomgyu hyung. We like you and we care about you. It isn’t such a farfetched idea that we’re doing this for you, isn’t it?” Kai said kindly. His words didn’t seem to hold a hidden meaning or motive. 

“You’re doing this for me..?” he parroted absentmindedly.

“That’s why we are asking you, about whether you want our help. Do you want to do mutual scenting with us?” Taehyun finished for them, throwing back the question to its original owner. 

Suddenly Beomgyu felt small again, being at the mercy of their hands again. He wasn’t exactly sure what to make of their responses. 

“I’m an unmated omega. I—” I’m not sure it’s a good idea. 

It wasn’t what they asked, but the premature reply was already out of his mouth before it could fully form. 

Mutual scenting was a highly intimate and vulnerable act, and may even be viewed as sacred. It wasn’t as prevalent because modern society had evolved in such a way that one may live their whole life without a need for mutual scenting. In its traditional sense, besides with family members, it was almost always done exclusively between lovers and sometimes, rarely, between very close friends. It felt ironic that they should be scenting each other when they couldn’t even be bothered to be honest with each other. Simple attraction alone—which Beomgyu could tell with certainty they felt about each other—was not enough reason for them to let down their guards, for them to trust wholly that they would be left in good hands. 

It would be a different story, if the attraction that they felt for each other was one that could escalate into something deeper, but even that would be risky. In any other situation, Beomgyu wouldn’t want it when it was unclear where their boundaries lied—because it could either undo everything they had, or it could elevate their dynamics—but they didn’t seem to present him with much choice at the moment, and neither did they seem particularly concerned about the outcome. The omega himself was aware that he didn’t have much of a choice—it was either this, or he would be in constant pain maybe for the rest of the pregnancy. 

But the most disarming thing about this whole idea of mutual scenting with them was that Beomgyu didn’t find it unpleasant or scary. Perhaps he should be more scared of the fact that he wasn’t scared. 

“The rest of us are mated to each other. Besides the aspect of intimacy, which we are clearly lacking right now, I don’t think mutual scenting between you and us will pose a problem,” Taehyun added, looking at the others. He was not meeting Beomgyu’s eyes when he said this, though. 

Soobin sighed softly, like it truly pained him. “I know this isn’t a very comfortable situation. I’m sorry that you have to go through this.” 

“No, thank you. We can try and see how it goes,” said the omega, having come to terms with the decision, and the possibility for a big shift coming in the dynamic of their relationship.

Everything was moving too fast suddenly, but hadn’t this been what Beomgyu anticipated back when Yeonjun, Taehyun, and Kai had entered his life, when Soobin reappeared in his life? That whatever normalcy and expectations in his life may be compromised when the contract was signed by both parties?

“Okay, great. You can have our clothes—this is no problem; we’ve done it before. As for the scenting, all of us will be taking turns, except for Yeonjun hyung,” Soobin explained. 

“Why?” Beomgyu asked, ignoring everyone else and looking at Yeonjun who was leaning against the pillar away from him. Yeonjun had been quiet, completely uninvolved throughout this whole exchange although it was clear that he was listening the entire time. The omega wasn’t angry though; he was genuinely curious, and a bit hurt. “You don’t want to do mutual scenting with me?” 

The alpha straightened his back and licked his lips, eyes casted downward momentarily before they looked at Beomgyu. It was a strangely submissive gesture coming from Yeonjun, who in the period of their relationship had never displayed anything less than an impeccable image of a confident and domineering alpha. It almost made Beomgyu feel bad about cornering him. 

“No, it’s not that I don’t want to. I can’t scent you.” 

“You can’t… Does my scent bother you?” 

“No,” Yeonjun answered while looking him in the eyes, neither too quickly nor too belatedly. He was telling the truth. 

That night at the cruise, when Yeonjun had caressed his waist and whispered the promise for a kiss, had it been nothing more than his whims to flatter Beomgyu? No, Beomgyu knew he couldn’t dismiss it as a fickle, fleeting interest. What happened during the dinner cruise was intentional. Yeonjun had built up that moment, he had chosen for it to happen. 

Because of that, Beomgyu couldn’t think of a logical explanation for Yeonjun’s aversion towards him now. There was a missing puzzle piece to this entire picture, and it was bugging Beomgyu that he couldn’t figure it out. 

The omega swallowed the questions he had and diverted his attention to the others. They didn’t state more details about the turn-taking. With his scent gland still swollen an angry red and his face still rather bloodless, he supposed making a demand was not out of the question. 

“Kai. I want to do it with Kai first,” Beomgyu said with finality. 

.

.

.

“What are you doing there? Come here, it’s more comfortable.” 

Kai had settled his butt on the single sofa at the far corner of the room the moment they stepped into Beomgyu’s room. The wide-eyed look he gave Beomgyu didn’t deter the omega; he patted the empty space beside him on the bed, urging the young alpha to join him. 

The room they prepared for him was neat and smartly decorated. Like the thing he’d noticed in other spaces in this mansion, the room was less tacky and extravagant, and more warm and cozy and sophisticated. Everything about the room felt new though, as if he was the first guest occupying the room. The furniture didn’t seem to come in a set, but each piece had a sort of a glossy finishing to it, so the combination didn’t look out of place. The room was on the first floor, with sliding doors leading to the backyard where the swimming pool and the patio were. 

Despite the warmness it seemed to radiate, the room didn’t feel homey and Beomgyu felt a bit cold inside at the reminder of the unfamiliarity. Not that his cramped apartment room was particularly homey, but two years of living there had filled the space with his own presence and his housemates’. This guest room just felt wrong. Untouched, empty, too big. 

“Are you nervous?” Beomgyu bumped his knee against Kai’s.  

“I guess I’m nervous because I was picked first,” Kai replied, rubbing his neck and shaking his legs. 

“You should be flattered.” 

Kai didn’t reply, but a hint of pink had colored the tip of his ears, spreading to his cheekbones. It was apparent because of how pale his skin was. 

Beomgyu bit his lips to hold in his fond giggle, definitely having a blast teasing him. “What, do you feel like I’m a siren luring you, an innocent and unsuspected victim, into the sea?”

“Quite an accurate comparison,” said the alpha, laughing bashfully. Good, he took the joke lightly. 

“How are we going to do this, Beomgyu hyung?” 

“You’re used to scenting your partners, I assume?” asked the omega. At Kai’s nodding, he continued on, “Then, just do what you usually do.”

“I want you to feel comfortable. I’m not sure what your limit is…” 

Seeing Kai so unassuming and so thoughtful despite being adorably awkward in the face of their current predicament awakened something primal in Beomgyu, something akin to a protective instinct. It was almost foolish how his mind saw in Kai a trace of omeganess, a lovely kind of gentleness and kinship, like the first time they met and Beomgyu had made the assumption that the alpha was just like him based on the sweet scent he left on his hoodie. 

“Do you trust me?” the omega asked, already inching closer.  

“I do, hyung. Do you know how easy it is to trust you?”

Beomgyu pouted, a bit offended in a lighthearted manner. “Really?”

“Really. I don’t know how you view yourself but I can say for sure that trust is never an issue that we have with you. You’re pretty reserved and also coy at times, but not calculating.”   

“Oh wow, sounds like an insult.”

“It isn’t though. That’s part of your charm.” 

“What if I say I have a hidden motive as to why I chose you first?”

The alpha only smiled like it was a cute, harmless question. “I don’t care if you have a hidden motive, Beomgyu hyung. It doesn’t make me trust you less.” 

There was a motive for his choice, but he wasn’t being so calculating that it worthed mentioning. 

He had chosen Kai for the simple fact that he had been more exposed to Kai’s scent. First the hoodie, then the bamboo shark plushie. It was always his scent that Beomgyu could find back in his apartment room when he needed it. Besides, Beomgyu didn’t feel all too enthused about choosing Soobin as the first, for the obvious reason due to what happened in the bathroom just now (and not wanting to initiate a form of dependency on Soobin, but he’d rather not get into that), let alone Taehyun whom he had maintained a relatively good but perhaps less than friendly relationship with, and Yeonjun was obviously not an option. Kai was the most comfortable and the safest person he could ask for at the moment. 

Beomgyu contemplated his next action. It was obvious that Kai was not entirely certain about making the first move. 

Perhaps it was better this way. Perhaps he was allowing Beomgyu this grace out of the kindness of his heart. 

He climbed onto the alpha’s lap, his legs secured at each side of Kai’s thigh as he settled in his lap. That action startled the younger man, but he was quick to adjust his expression back to something neutral. 

“This okay?” Beomgyu asked. 

“Yeah. Okay.” 

“I’m gonna scent you first, then you’ll scent me. Tell me if you want out.” 

Kai’s hands twitched on the bed, but they stayed put as Beomgyu made himself comfortable. A small laugh escaped him at the younger man’s hesitation. 

“You can touch me, you know. Hold me,” Beomgyu told him as he placed the alpha’s hands on the slight dips of his waist.

“Okay…” Kai said, voice airy like he couldn’t get enough air as he breathed the word out. 

He did hold him following that permission from Beomgyu, although his grip was so light and so careful, as if he were touching something fragile. 

Being seated on top of Kai made him realize that their subtle size difference was in fact not very subtle. Beomgyu was by no means small, but Kai was huge. His frame was noticeably wider, his arms and chest were thicker. His build was slightly on the heavier side where Beomgyu’s was dainty. It was unexpectedly easy to feel safe instead of intimidated in his hold, to be encapsulated in a kindness so fierce it infused the omega with a feeling of total security. 

The omega fixed his hold at the back of Kai’s neck and deliberately pressed his nose onto Kai’s scent gland, inhaling him like a thirsty man given a glass of cold water after days of tireless journey in the desert. That familiar scent of milk and citrus filled his nose like rich honey and trickled down his inside, pouring into his veins and morphing into a pleasing warmness in his guts. 

Beomgyu had forgotten this. This simple gratification of scenting someone. Of fulfilling the instinctual, animal part of his brain, that more than anything, desired closeness and intimacy beyond the reach of human reasoning. In a way, it was oddly liberating to allow himself this, to forsake what the mind had insisted to hold onto.  

It felt so good to give in, to leave behind any worries about what should and shouldn’t be, about what was right and wrong. They all felt terribly insignificant, like grains of sand in the fold of his clothes that he could wipe away with a mere flick of a hand.  

It became clear to Beomgyu that he’d been missing scenting another person. It came to him naturally—what to do, how to do it, where he should place his hands. He didn’t have to think. The only thoughts running through his head were how addicting and arousing it all was, how it put the omega in him feeling contented, at ease within the proximity they found themselves in. The fact that Kai was so willing, letting the omega do whatever pleased him, made Beomgyu even more happy and daring.  

He rubbed his cheek against Kai’s scent gland, like they were affectionate kittens instead of adult men, wishing that the scent of him would stick and stay with him, for their scent to blend into one, to belong together even when they were apart. 

For a while Beomgyu remained nose-deep in the alpha’s scent, body lax and soft in the other’s arms, taking from him until it wasn’t enough anymore. His teeth and tongue that were itching to bite and lick Kai since a while ago began to trace along the skin of the alpha’s neck, to have that intoxicated taste of milk and citrus closer, to have it bursting in his mouth. Fresh from the source, made sweeter by the receptiveness of Kai’s reaction to his scenting. 

Kai had already had his eyes closed since a minute ago. The blush that dusted his cheeks had bloomed into the prettiest shade of pink. Each breath he drew seemed to travel to every nook and cranny of his being, to cause his body to tremble in the wake of the omega’s keen attention. 

Both hands that he had originally wrapped loosely around Beomgyu’s waist tightened somewhat as the omega left kittenish licks on his scent gland, before one of them moved further down to seize the underside of Beomgyu’s thigh. That action prompted Beomgyu to shift on his lap, bringing their bodies flushed against each other, impossibly closer for two people who hadn’t been physically intimate at all before. 

In the midst of this all, something hard pressed against his ass, startling the omega out of his immersion. As soon as the knowledge of what it could possibly be dawned on him, he withdrew slightly to create some space between them. 

Kai opened his eyes, pupils dilated, and flushed darker when he realized that Beomgyu was staring at his hard-on. It appeared that he himself hadn’t even noticed it. “Sorry. I didn’t—Please… please ignore it. It’ll go down on its own.” 

As much as it made Beomgyu want to blush, it also made Beomgyu feel powerful and thrilled that he was responsible for this, that Kai was so affected from having Beomgyu scent him. Rarely would an alpha indulge him with this kind of pleasure, of letting him see this kind of vulnerability.  

“Do you want to stop for a bit?”  

“Hm. Can we cuddle?” Kai asked, showing him one of the most puppy-like expressions he’d seen.  

Beomgyu answered him by pulling him down onto the bed, smiling fondly at the younger man. They gravitated towards each other, lying face to face on their sides, with a somewhat appropriate distance without completely stopping Beomgyu from breathing in Kai’s scent. 

His eyelashes fluttered as he toyed with Kai’s slim and long fingers, snuggling the pillow under his head that smelled of fresh laundry. It was a nice smell, but he wished there was more of their presence he could find there. Not only Kai, but also Yeonjun, Soobin and Taehyun. They hadn’t given him their clothes as they promised yet, and the memory of the time he was drowned in their scents during the entirety of the artificial insemination procedure made him long for it to happen again. 

There was no denying that he was… greedy. Nothing was quite enough if he couldn’t have them all.

It humbled him, filled him with a mix of mortification and unexpected revelation about himself—this realization.  

“Does it hurt a lot?” Kai asked him in a whisper, his other hand that was unoccupied danced over the omega’s swollen scent gland lightly. 

“Not much now. It hurt like hell when I first woke up this afternoon though,” Beomgyu replied, voice equally quiet. 

“Why didn’t you ask us for help before?” 

“I didn’t expect it’d get this bad.”

Kai kept his fingers there, and looked at him, searching for something in his eyes. It was moments like this that Beomgyu found it difficult to have a glimpse of what he had in mind—Kai was awfully good at keeping his expression blank at unexpected timings. 

“I wish you would rely on us a bit more, hyung.”

“I am now, though. Isn’t this me relying on you and the others?” 

“Then from this day onward… You must let us know if something is wrong, no matter how small. Don’t keep it to yourself.” 

Coming from most other alphas, Beomgyu would have considered it an arrogant demand, perhaps even patronizing, but Kai was the last person he would associate with those words. Rather, all he could feel was endearment for him, for his less than elegant way of conveying his care. It was a breath of fresh air. Beomgyu had thought him someone hard to get warm with, lumping him up with the others, but he was so good and so sweet. It was no wonder that Yeonjun and Soobin and Taehyun seemed to have a particularly soft spot for him.  

“Look at you… speaking that way to your elder,” Beomgyu tutted, pouting and shaking his head in exaggerated disapproval. 

“Didn’t take you for someone uptight about the age stuff.”  

“There’s much you don’t know about me.” 

“Touché. It’s been more or less three months, right? Since we met. But we really don’t know much about each other.” 

“Well, there’s still time,” the omega said easily, tugging at Kai’s sweatshirt coyly. “You can start by scenting me.” 

The corner of Kai’s lips curled upward into a lopsided smile. The hand he had on Beomgyu’s neck traveled further back, spreading his fingers at his nape, firm and sure. 

“Gentle,” Beomgyu gasped, wrapping one arm around Kai’s neck as the alpha nuzzled at his scent gland. His breath was hot against Beomgyu’s sensitive skin, making goosebumps rise at the back of his neck. 

It still hurt when Kai’s nose bumped against the swollen part, but there was more to it now too. Something that was more than enough to compensate for that hurt. It hurt, but it hurt so good. 

It didn’t take long for the fluffy, fuzzy feeling to settle in. Being scented held certain similarities with scenting someone, but there were differences in the two acts. Scenting Kai was all about taking from him, about prompting Beomgyu into taking actions and getting something out of it. But being scented by Kai was allowing himself to receive, to lay himself bare to another person without any reservation.  

The reason mutual scenting was not widely practiced was because of this exchange of bond—the intensity of this form of intimacy and vulnerability. 

For some, mutual scenting served no purpose whatsoever; simply an archaic ritual that was no longer significant nor compatible with the ideology pushed by modern society. Its existence was acknowledged but made no difference in their lives. For some, mutual scenting served a more inherent purpose, a need that persisted despite the rapid evolution of their biological make-up since the dawn of the modern age. Its existence was essential and affected their lives. There was no logical explanation as to why some omegas or alphas or betas were more receptive to scenting, and vice versa. Beomgyu, unfortunately, fell in the former category; his omega senses heightened from mutual scenting no matter that he tried to downplay this truth. 

Scenting had never felt like this before. 

He felt light. Almost euphoric even. Like in heaven, or something close to it. 

He didn’t feel quite present in his own body. Only keenly aware of Kai’s touches on his skin, of Kai’s presence that swelled and surrounded him.  

Perhaps what he was feeling now was powerful and novel because he had denied himself this for so, so long. Because he had thought himself capable of living his life undeterred by his second gender, suppressing that part of him until it became forcefully dormant. Too prideful to admit the less appealing aspects of his biology that were also central in his life. Too humiliated and too scared to admit the helplessness he felt in regards to his own body. 

When Kai started planting soft kisses on his scent gland in between all the nosing at the expense of his neck, he felt himself slipping and turning limp, wedged between the bed and Kai’s solid body on top of him. Besides the act of baring his neck to give the alpha full access to one of the most vulnerable parts of his body, every conscious move he attempted to make would be followed by an enormous effort that required too much brain power than he was willing to commit himself to. 

The alpha saw that as an invitation to do more, using both his tongue and teeth to please him more. 

Beomgyu mewled weakly, his knees jerking and tightening around Kai involuntarily. The alpha was sucking the skin below his scent gland, not hard enough to leave a mark, but the tingle the action caused was felt on his spine. It frankly brought him to a new height, catching him off guard in the best way possible. The dopamine release that shot through his body was overwhelming in the face of its former absence, like water brimming in a glass cup and spilling over. 

If Beomgyu wasn’t so absorbed in the high of being scented for the first time in literal years, he was rather certain that his panty would have become wet with slick, along with an increased need to have Kai to do more than just what they were doing at the moment. The lingering fatigue had left him low energy and drowsy though, so the cottony feeling Beomgyu was experiencing remained more innocuous and chaste than anything lewd. 

“Am I doing good?” Kai asked, stopping to peer at him from under the long blond bangs.  

The omega swallowed the whine that threatened to escape him and ran his fingers through Kai’s thick hair, patting him on the top of his head to ground himself instead. A comforting warmth had spread through his entire body, dispelling any trace of coldness he’d experienced since earlier that afternoon. 

“Good. Very good,” replied Beomgyu after a while. Kai seemed the type who liked to hear positive affirmation from his partner. 

Beomgyu cupped his cheek with one hand, gazing at the face of the man who had been nothing but kind to him since the first time he came to know him. The almond shape of his eyes. The charming bump of his nose bridge. The little moles on his cheek and on the left upper side of his eyelids. The trembling corner of his lips that curled into a slightly nervous but happy smile. Kai was so beautiful. One of the loveliest and the most endearing alpha he had come to know. 

There was no big reason, no overthinking on his part when he connected their lips. Just a light, somewhat shy peck that lasted barely a few seconds. 

The flush on the alpha’s cheeks brightened impossibly when they parted. 

“I think… they would be livid if they knew, hyung,” said Kai, licking at his lips with an expression of a deer caught in the headlights. 

“That we kissed? That barely counts as a kiss.” Beomgyu tilted his head with eyes half-closed and a lazy smirk, rather confident now that the problem wasn’t them kissing, but that Beomgyu had kissed Kai first out of everyone else. If anything, this was his revenge for their decidedly inconsistent and frustrating behaviors. It was not his fault that Kai was the easiest to like among them all.

“And surely you jest. I mean, livid ? That’s a strong word,” Beomgyu added. 

“OK. Maybe not livid, but still...”   

“You guys should already anticipate this kind of occurrence when you suggest that we do mutual scenting. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it at all before agreeing?” Beomgyu searched for his eyes, and true enough, Kai didn’t appear to be surprised.  

A kiss was arguably less intimate than the amount of scenting they had been doing. And it seemed that Kai was very much aware of it too, although none of this had been mentioned in their prior discussion of the arrangement.  

Besides of the rashness of the kiss itself, there was no feeling of guilt he had expected to come from his surrender to something he’d feared happening since the beginning of their relationship. Just a quiet, peaceful acceptance. A piece that fell into place the way it had always intended to.

Somewhere inside, he could feel strongly that this was merely the first steps into the unknown territory, that Kai wouldn’t be the last among them he’d kissed. When the thought of polygamy and pack dynamics had once invoked a sort of indifference in Beomgyu before meeting them, it had slowly become a curious and fascinating concept that hadn’t left his mind these days, alongside these four men who had unwittingly changed the trajectory of his life. There was more to this than he was able to understand, more to this than he’d prepared himself for.  

Whatever this was, it wasn’t quite… love. No, Beomgyu didn’t think he could call it that. 

It was letting his guard down enough to not fight this losing battle anymore. To not rationalize the inevitable pull he’d felt from the moment he first met them. To take from them as much as they were willing to give him. 

It was easier to give in to his desire, but it was also harder to cling onto the part of him that wanted to believe this wouldn’t be the undoing he’d brought upon himself. To trust himself enough with his own heart. 

Once you learned to blame yourself for something that happened in your life, it only became infinitely easier to do the same again. To be clouded by the singular belief that you were entirely responsible for everything that went right or wrong, even knowing how detrimental it could be in the long run. Even knowing that he was no God, that there was a bigger force outside of himself. 

“You’re drifting,” Kai’s voice broke through the haze in his brain. He didn’t realize Kai had gone back to scenting him, that he was peppering kisses and drinking in his scent. 

It no longer hurt, and neither did the coldness he had been experiencing since waking up persist. The discomforts… all were gone just like that. How stupid and miraculous—that mutual scenting was the solution.  

Beomgyu felt less like himself—just someone, someone’s someone. But he felt so complete at the moment, that he thought it didn’t matter that he wouldn’t feel the same the next time he woke up. 

“I drift a lot,” Beomgyu replied quietly, feeling significantly warmer and sleepy after he was sated. 

“Yeah, I notice. You have this look on your face; your eyebrows are just slightly pinched and your cheeks puffed up. It’s cute.”  

“Have you been watching me…” 

“I have. We have.”

“Why, aren’t you guys a bunch of creeps?”

“Don’t lie. You don’t really think we’re creeps,” Kai stated, in a matter-of-fact manner. 

Beomgyu chuckled, snuggling with the alpha. God, they were soaked in each other’s scent. The thought of it pleased the omega in Beomgyu. 

“No. I have been watching too,” Beomgyu admitted.   

Kai’s hand pressed against his back, bringing him close so Beomgyu could bury his face in Kai’s scent gland. There was much less rigidity and uncertainty in his gestures, although it hadn’t totally diminished. But even that, too, was so Kai-like. 

They ceased speaking. Silence veiled the bedroom. Numerous thoughts sprung forth in Beomgyu’s head, although none had taken a solid form for him to focus on. 

Beomgyu took Soobin’s words to heart—that they all would have a talk soon. He just needed to be patient. 

In the meantime, he should relish in their care and in their kindness. Perhaps it was fine for him to be a bit more selfish, a bit more needy . He was pregnant with their child, after all.

.

.

.

The dinner was a solemn affair. 

It wasn’t tense nor was it comfortable, but everyone appeared to be in a contemplative mood. Taehyun, who had a habit of making conversations when they were sharing meals, had been listless the entire time. Even Kai who usually engaged in everyone’s interest and made an effort to lighten the mood was focused on his steak. Perhaps the time they shared during the mutual scenting still lingered in his mind, or perhaps he was simply hungry.

There was something wrong about Soobin and Yeonjun. It was more of a gut feeling though, so Beomgyu couldn’t be sure. The two oldest alphas were seated far from each other, and they hadn’t looked at each other once the whole dinner. The strangest things were Soobin’s particular attention on Taehyun, Taehyun’s atypical behavior of blanking out and Yeonjun’s despondency, if not a sign of bitterness. 

This situation wasn’t the same as that time during the movie premiere, though. Back then, there was a palpable tension in the air—one that Beomgyu thought he could taste on his tongue every time he opened his mouth. This time was much less severe. 

Still, it was killing Beomgyu that he had no clue what had happened between the three while he was in the bedroom with Kai. 

He stuffed himself with food to ignore his curiosity. Taehyun had prepared the food as Beomgyu had requested, so he made sure to finish his share as a sign of appreciation. It left him feeling very full at the end, but the proud smile and the brief exchange he had with Taehyun after the meal were worth it. 

That night, Beomgyu couldn’t sleep. Maybe because it was a new, unfamiliar place. Maybe because he’d slept too much. Not even the haphazard nest he’d put together with the clothes the others had lent him was able to lull him to the dreamland. As inviting as their mixed scents were, they only managed to give him ease of mind. 

Beomgyu went to the kitchen, planning to get himself a glass of water and perhaps stared at the moon and the stars until he began to feel sleepy.  

His plan was thwarted the moment he was walking past the living room to go to the kitchen. 

Yeonjun was in the living room, alone. The wide television screen was lit, the colors painting his visage in a cool shade. 

Yeonjun noticed him before he could decide what to do. 

“Can’t sleep?” asked the alpha. 

Beomgyu hummed non-committedly and trudged in the direction of the sofa. 

“Can’t sleep too?” 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun answered, shrugging. “There’s this medication I’m taking that’s messing up my sleep schedule.”  

He looked at the omega, nose twitching but not in disdain, and jutted his chin out. “I see that you’re making good use of our clothes.” 

Beomgyu’s cheeks colored at the notion of being drenched completely in their scents like he was a needy omega in the worst case of heat cycle in existence. Of course there was no way Yeonjun couldn’t tell that he was cuddling and rubbing himself all over their clothes. Especially since the alpha seemed to have a heightened sensitivity to scents. 

He took the furthest seat from the alpha, tucking one of his legs under his ass. Yeonjun was watching the famous 90s lesbian neo-noir movie, Bound . There was a closed file on the rattan table in front of him, probably containing paperworks, next to a half-emptied wine glass.  

They stayed in a companionable silence for a while. Only the sound of the characters speaking filtered in occasionally. 

“I have offended you,” Yeonjun said suddenly. 

Beomgyu honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. If he was talking about what happened earlier in the day, about his supposed ‘inability’ to do mutual scenting with Beomgyu for some unknown reasons, then there wasn’t much that Beomgyu could do. After all, he couldn’t possibly force Yeonjun to do something he didn’t prepare himself for. 

Neither had the others, but they had agreed because they wanted to. 

“Believe me when I say that I’d like to do it too, that I’m not doing this on purpose… There’s something I haven’t told you, but I promise I’ll work it out first,” the older man continued on. 

“Didn’t take you as someone who makes promises,” Beomgyu blurted out. 

“What do you take me as then?”

Beomgyu pretended to think deeply about it, although the answer to the question was already formed in his brain. 

“Someone who does things because they can. Someone hot and cold. Someone who changes their mind every once in a while. Someone who’s secretly into neo-noir and lesbian movies,” said the omega lightly, trying not to let his real feelings bleed out into his words.

“You’re quite a cheeky one, aren’t you?” the alpha huffed a chuckle, his sharp eyes observing him closely. 

“I thought you knew that about me already.”  

Yeonjun shrugged and dawned the rest of his wine. He traced the rim of the glass as if he was in deep contemplation. “I have a hunch, but you never really show it. Always appearing so put together and hard to break down, although you wear your heart on your sleeve.” 

“And now, you’re gonna say you’re a good reader of people. That you can read me like an open book,” Beomgyu scoffed, shaking his head. 

Yeonjun chuckled like what Beomgyu said amused him, his eyes returning to the screen. “I have many subordinates under me, and my work requires me to make judgments of people. I am a good reader of people.” 

“You’re lucky that your confidence doesn’t make you obnoxious.” 

“Oh, so you do find my confidence attractive then.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yeah. But I feel you implied that.” 

“You’re… infuriating,” Beomgyu muttered under his breath, daring to hold his gaze. 

Yeonjun had the gall to smirk like it was the biggest compliment he’d ever received from someone. The most annoying thing about this whole exchange was the fact that Beomgyu did find him attractive despite it all. 

Unfortunately, Yeonjun fell into that category of alphas who he thought were regal and powerful to the point that they were annoying, but also so incredibly irresistible. The kind that didn’t try to make themselves intimidating or domineering. The kind that exuded such effortless charm simply through their presence, simply by existing. They didn’t try because they knew they were the shit. Alphas like him were the worst kind of alpha for Beomgyu to like. 

“Why, thank you. I take great pride in that, you know,” Yeonjun said. 

“I can see that you must be a very popular boss,” replied the omega flatly.  

Yeonjun stared at him with an expression he couldn’t decipher. The feeling Beomgyu had at the moment was the same as that time when they went shopping together, like he was a butterfly pinned in a display for Yeonjun’s eyes to feast upon. It sent a wave of heat swirling in his belly. 

Yeonjun patted the empty space beside him. “Come here for a bit.”

Beomgyu eyed him warily, not making a move from where he was seated. 

“Are you going to hit me?” asked the omega.

“What? No!” Yeonjun exclaimed, laughing out loud until his entire body shook, his head thrown back to give Beomgyu an eyeful of his elegant neckline. It may be the loudest one yet he’d ever heard from the alpha. 

“What the fuck, Choi Beomgyu,” he wheezed, wiping at his eye as if he could find a tear there. Maybe he could, considering how hard he was laughing. “You think I’d hit a pregnant person? Just come here. I’m not gonna hit you.” 

Hesitantly, Beomgyu unfurled from his sitting position and scooted closer. The way Yeonjun was looking at him intently as he moved, not blinking even once, made his skin crawl. Yeonjun’s intensity and his immense presence was something Beomgyu had acknowledged since the beginning, but being the subject of his rapt attention was something else entirely. Since he couldn’t be certain what Yeonjun was thinking or feeling, there was much that he felt should be—

“Choi Beomgyu,” the alpha called, tilting his head as he gazed at Beomgyu’s eyes and his nose, and then finally at his lips. “Can I kiss you?”

Chapter Text

“Choi Beomgyu, what the fuck. Why didn’t you tell us you’re dating the Choi Soobin?” 

Beomgyu flinched out of his reverie, coming to the realization that he was pausing midway of stuffing the files containing printed materials for his research and some textbooks into his large backpack in favor of gaping at the wall in front of him. 

He faced Dewi who had her arms crossed, still in her pink pajamas at twelve in the afternoon. Unlike Mikhail, she had a habit of working at her research lab at night until early morning, so it wasn’t much of a surprise that she was at home right now, most likely having just woken up from sleep. 

“You’re a fan?” asked Beomgyu, resuming what he came here to do. It seemed his stay at the manor would be for some time, so he might as well bring all the things he needed for his research. All of this suddenness was throwing him off-kilter; he didn’t like change very much.

“Yeah.” 

“Is that why you excused him and let him in despite your intolerance of alpha strangers in our apartment?” the omega glanced at her and snickered. 

“That’s another matter altogether. Don’t change the topic,” she said, appearing rather flustered at the mention of her obvious bias for the actor.  

Beomgyu’s lips curled into an amused smile, before chuckling when she kept looking at him funny. 

“What? I’m not dating him,” he denied, without providing her the details she must be so desperately in need of. 

There was no way that Beomgyu could explain Soobin and his relationship without not making it sound scandalous. Soobin being his ex-boyfriend was already one thing, and Beomgyu being a willing surrogate to Soobin and his three other boyfriends who were currently in a polyamorous relationship together was another thing. But to explain their association with each other in any other manners would seem like a lie Beomgyu couldn’t find himself committing to. Whatever explanation he could come up with, none would appear to be more believable than the next.  

“You called him when you were very sick, and he came running to get you like a knight in shining armor. Must I remind you that you don’t even depend on us who are sharing this apartment with you. Choi Soobin can’t just be anyone to you,” Dewi tutted. 

Beomgyu shook his head with a scoff and replied, “You’re exaggerating.” 

A moment passed in silence. Dewi still lingered at the entrance door of his bedroom, watching him as he finished packing his study materials and then went to throw away empty bottles and cracker packages on the table into the trash can. He could do some cleaning since he was already there anyway. He ripped off the August page of the stand-on calendar even though there were a few days of August left, and the following September page was clean of any mark-up except for one red circle at the first week of September.  

He had an appointment in the Health Center soon. Week six, was it? The last time he had one? That one had been a very brief session he had, accompanied solely by Kai, where Dr. Vila had simply done a physical examination on him and asked questions if he’d experienced any significant changes. They didn’t even do ultrasound or take blood and urine samples. Back then he was advised to fix his habit of staying up late and working himself to the point of exhaustion, to cut caffeine intake and to exercise regularly (the latter which he obviously did not do—though he would say all the walking he did around the university ground count as exercising). 

How far along was he now? Eight, or nine weeks? The omega made a mental calculation—he was three weeks along during the dinner cruise, four weeks along during the movie premiere, six weeks along during the second appointment, and seven weeks along during that stressful meeting with Taehyun. 

Week nine. He was at week nine of his pregnancy. 

Beomgyu’s hand instinctively clutched his middle at the reminder, relieved to find that his belly was still flat as he was familiar with. Logically he knew he should not be showing yet, because otherwise he would have noticed such a change whenever he got himself ready for the day or for the night. Despite having acknowledged the pregnancy, he supposed he wouldn’t feel the reality settling in until observable changes on his body could be seen. He tried not to think about it now; he’d have all the time in the world to freak out later once a visible bump indicating his pregnancy started showing. 

For now, he was only glad that he’d been spared of the suffering he was put through the past weeks. Although it had only been five days since he started living with them, there had been a significant improvement on his health, both mentally and physically. After the mutual scenting with Kai, the swelling of his scent gland had slowly reduced. He hadn’t asked for anyone else afterwards, but he still nested with their clothes, which helped maintain a sense of belongingness. The morning sickness had gotten better too; a steaming cup of herbal tea in the morning managed to stave off the feeling of nausea for the whole day, unlike before when he had to drink a couple of cups a day at intervals. The nightmare occurred less too, though it hadn’t diminished completely. The quality of his sleep was better in return, and he’d been waking up feeling well-rested in the morning. 

It was truly unfair how most of his problems could be solved by surrounding himself in their presence. 

“So you were staying with him for the past days and will be staying with him for god knows how long, even though he’s not your boyfriend?” she added suddenly, reminding him of her presence. It appeared she was not giving up the subject. 

Before Beomgyu could think of a reasonable answer to the question without exposing the whole surrogacy arrangement he got himself into, Dewi gasped suddenly. Her eyes widened in such a comical and dramatic way that Beomgyu couldn’t take her seriously, despite how crass her next words were. 

“Don’t tell me he’s something like your fuck buddy? You’ve been his fuck buddy for how long? I can’t believe you’ve been doing that under our noses all this time… Or are you perhaps his secret lover? Oh my god, that’ll explain why Choi Soobin is very secretive about his personal life! Because you wouldn’t want that kind of attention on yourself!” 

Both possibilities were so absurd it almost made him laugh. If Soobin was as secretive about his personal life as Dewi claimed, there was a reason for it, although it had nothing to do with Beomgyu. Being outed for being in an established polyamorous relationship with two other alphas and a beta as a rising actor would not be very good publicity, Beomgyu imagined. 

“He’s neither of what you assumed him to be.” 

“Okay, fine. Then you could tell me what your relationship is with him, or else I’m gonna keep making assumptions. I’m set on you being his secret lover if you’re not being clear about your relationship with him.” 

“God’s sake, you like to stick your nose into people’s business, don’t you?” Beomgyu scolded and rolled his eyes, already used to her stubborn insistence of getting what she wanted when it came to something that intrigued her. 

As expected, Dewi didn’t seem the slightest bit offended by what he said as she pursed her lips.

“Hm, you know me so well. So tell me. I’ll keep it a secret, of course. I’m a big fan, so I’m not gonna air out what he wants to keep under wraps.”   

“You’re such a good friend, Dewi. You’d rather keep his privacy than mine,” Beomgyu remarked sarcastically, and he received a laugh that was borderline evil as a response from her. 

“Well, he’s a… good friend of mine. I’ve known him for many years, since back in Korea. I went to the same university with him,” he finally explained, choosing to tell some truth, despite it being severely glossed over to the point of nearly unbelievable even to his own ears. 

“What a crazy coincidence… And?” 

“There’s no and. I suppose I’m just… comfortable with him, that’s why I asked him to come. By the way I didn’t call him. He just happened to call me that time.” 

“Really, ‘comfortable’?” she smirked and scoffed, totally not buying into his lies. “You know, you’re not a very good liar.”

“Me being a bad liar doesn’t make what you said about Soobin and me the truth.” 

“Fine, maybe you’re not his lover or fuck buddy. But whatever it is, I don’t buy you being ‘just friends’—that’s the lamest excuse ever, and you know it.” 

“Sorry I guess, that my relationship with him does not turn up becoming the hot gossip you’re so looking forward to learning,” replied Beomgyu, snickering at her sulking expression, instinctively informed of Beomgyu’s reluctance to share more than what she was already told. 

Before she left him alone, Beomgyu let her know that he wouldn’t be back here for an indefinite amount of time, but he would pay the rent as usual. She almost made another joke about him being the secret lover of a Hollywood actor, so the money shouldn’t be a problem for him, but he shut her up before the joke could land. 

After he was done airing and cleaning up his room, he went to get his jewellery box from the drawer of the dressing table. Inside, there were earrings, necklaces and bracelets he’d collected over the years—barely worn outside of grand events that required him dolling up with accessories to preserve their luster. 

Carefully, he laid out the small collection he had on the flat surface, eyeing each piece with a critical eye. 

That alpha, making me do things for him as he pleases, thought Beomgyu heatedly, glaring at his own reflection in the mirror as he brought an earring to his ear. He imagined having it paired with a casual-formal wear, possibly something beige or white, suited for a soiree where the gathering of high-esteemed people would take place. 

No, too gaudy, thought he as he put it back down. Beomgyu took a different piece—a necklace this time—and hummed in contemplation. It was the one with the small moonstone pendant that Yeonjun bought for him for their dinner cruise the other day. 

It didn’t look bad at all. But somehow, he imagined Yeonjun would smile that irritating smile of his and say that it looked silly on him. 

Still, Beomgyu’s cheeks flushed a shade pinker as he remembered that one of Yeonjun’s favorite methods of flirting was teasing him and making him squirm, whether in annoyance or in excitement. 

“That alpha, making me do things for him as he pleases,” repeated the omega, this time out loud into his empty bedroom though it did not come out as hateful the way it had sounded in his head, with no one else to hear but himself. 

.

.

.

Yeonjun had kissed him in a vastly different manner than Kai had. 

If the kiss with Kai had been about shyness and hesitation laced with want and admiration, then the kiss with Yeonjun had been the complete opposite of that.  

For the lack of better words, Beomgyu would describe Yeonjun’s kisses as greedy and passionate, engulfing and consuming rather than gentle. It was such a contrast to his elegant and poised persona—this wholeheartedness and eagerness from him—that it immediately sent Beomgyu gasping in shock. Which was a mistake, because Yeonjun wasn’t at all shy to deepen the kiss, working his tongue to trace a broad lick over Beomgyu’s bottom lip before it prodded inside.

The skilled way he moved his tongue and lips left Beomgyu breathless, teetering on the brink of wanting to push the alpha off and wanting more from the alpha. Then there was the not-so-subtle way Yeonjun caressed his neck with one hand as if it belonged there to begin with, touching him lightly but surely, making his skin tingle.  

The action caused Beomgyu to whimper into the kiss they were sharing, clinging onto Yeonjun’s shoulders as the alpha wrapped his hand at his nape and reclined his head. Like this, he had an even lesser room for control, simply at the mercy of the alpha’s want. 

Everything Yeonjun surrounded Beomgyu, from the lingering taste of red wine in his mouth, the distinctive scent of aged wine and wet woods that belonged to him, and to the heat of his body radiating off of him and enveloping Beomgyu intimately. The omega was positively intoxicated, his head feeling light but not in the same way when he was eased into such a headspace. In fact, Yeonjun didn’t even do anything but kiss him. No emitting of pheromones, no forceful submission, no commanding or influencing at play.   

He wished he could have blamed Yeonjun in some ways, but he was more painfully aware of his own body betraying him. There was nothing innocent about what they were doing and Beomgyu felt weak at Yeonjun’s boldness and confidence, at his body’s receptiveness of the alpha’s initiation. 

When they finally separated with their lips pink and slick with spit, Beomgyu could only stare at the other man with a dazed look, his brain had yet to process the true proportion of their deed. But Yeonjun’s pupils were blown wide too. As if he himself were in disbelief of his action, of the way the entire thing had panned out. 

“It pleases me greatly that you smell like us,” whispered the alpha, voice slightly husky and stilted as he cupped the omega’s cheek. Like you belong to us —what Yeonjun actually meant to say went unspoken, though the implication was clear as day. The fact that he sounded like that after kissing Beomgyu, barely like himself—it stirred at his core, prompting a flow of a molten heat pooling in his guts that the omega was too shameful to admit. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for some time. It was driving me crazy… the thought of kissing you,” Yeonjun continued on, nipping lightly at Beomgyu’s pink, cool earlobe. A shiver, charged with the mixed feelings of embarrassment and desire—and strangely, of pride—ran through his body, and was felt down to the very tip of his fingers.   

He felt wanted. Desired .

“I didn’t say you could kiss me like that,” Beomgyu let out. It sounded weak even to his own ears. Simply an excuse for the sake of having an excuse. 

The alpha’s eyes searched his face. He snickered and smirked when Beomgyu’s eyelashes fluttered upon the smallest movement he made—a brush against the side of his head to smooth down the hair behind his ear. 

“Like what exactly?” asked Yeonjun, not once looking away. It was as if he were drinking the sight of the omega, a sweet nectar he couldn’t resist. He was still so close, still within Beomgyu’s personal space. Perhaps this was his cue to demand Yeonjun to stop acting so confusingly, but he was tongue-tied. 

“You can’t tell me you didn’t want it too. I see the way you look at me, Choi Beomgyu. I see the way you look at us. You’ve wanted this, and you want more .” 

“More,” Beomgyu parroted, not backing away even though his throat was constricted, even though it became significantly harder for him to breathe without choking on Yeonjun’s scent wafting off of him. “What is ‘more’?”

“Just more. Everything about us. Who we are, what we have, how we get here, why we are the way we are. You want all of these answered. You want all of these for yourself .” 

“I’m not that greedy,” responded Beomgyu swiftly, thoughtlessly. 

Yeonjun laughed, but it wasn’t the mean kind of laugh. In fact, he sounded as if he was genuinely fascinated by Beomgyu’s response. When the omega thought he had enough courage in him to make a comeback, to deny what Yeonjun had said not for the purpose of being right or wrong, the alpha beat him to it. 

It was honestly so rude of him to change the subject so suddenly, especially when the topic was not less surprising, though in an entirely different way, than the one they were having. 

“Will you go to an evening party with me? As my plus-one?” Yeonjun said. 

The invitation sat at the back of his mind since that night. Beomgyu hadn’t given him a reply yet, though he was certain he would say yes. Yeonjun wasn’t in a rush anyway—the soiree was to be held two months from now, the alpha told him—and Beomgyu liked to think he had an upper hand by making Yeonjun wait for his answer. He was not going to give the alpha an easy yes when he was already so cocky to start with, as if knowing with certainty that his invitation would be received with a warm welcome. 

“Yeonjun hyung’s friends are kind of assholes,” Kai told him when he shared the story about the invitation he received. 

A short puff of air escaped Taehyun—the beta had his head supported by Kai’s thighs, mumbling with his eyes closed, “And that speaks a lot coming from Kai. You wouldn’t catch him badmouthing anyone unless they are truly unredeemable.”

“Rich assholes?” 

“Yeah, rich rich assholes,” Kai replied to him. “There’s just something about them that irks me. Not saying that you shouldn’t go. Just telling so you wouldn’t be shocked when you meet them at the soiree.” 

Beomgyu repositioned himself more comfortably on the couch, lying on his side with a hot pack pressed at his lower belly where the source of his cramp seemed to originate from. Apparently, the mysterious cramping and bloating he’d been experiencing were signs that his uterus was doing its job in making proper adjustments to the growing life inside him. It felt no different than the cramp he experienced during heat cycles, only without the itchiness under his skin that made him warm with need to be fucked. 

At the other couch, Kai was massaging Taehyun’s head, who complained about a headache that he had claimed he incurred from marking his students’ horrendous essays. Putting aside the last time they were alone together bargaining, there hadn’t been any progress with Taehyun.

Perhaps he was laying off at the moment for what he may consider inappropriate timing. Perhaps he was planning his next step. Beomgyu honestly had no access to the way his brain worked, much less an ability to predict his actions. Yeonjun may have a penchant for deliberately nudging Beomgyu in a direction that he wanted, but he was forward and a man of action. Taehyun was a man of words—and only words that he allowed Beomgyu to hear. To Beomgyu, Taehyun was the most distant and different of them all. 

Kai being there definitely helped, because otherwise Beomgyu didn’t know how to talk to him without feeling like he was threading on an unknown land. 

“Bigots? The traditional people who mask their sexist and misogynistic views saying that they’re the norms?” the omega guessed.

“You got them figured out. Mostly. They still think what Yeonjun hyung has with us is ‘a phase’, like he’s some clueless teenager figuring out his homosexual tendency. It’s been more than four years since all of us got together. Though, on the plus side, they never take us seriously, which means a lot less scrutiny from outsiders,” Taehyun explained.

“We’ve given up going to functions with him,” said Kai. 

“Is that why he asked me to go with him?” Beomgyu inquired, frowning at the idea of it. He didn’t like the sound of it—of him being a convenient person Yeonjun turned to when others weren’t willing to be his plus-one. 

“Not necessarily. Maybe Yeonjun hyung wants to shut them up for good. You know, with him finally bringing an omega again as his plus-one instead of an alpha or a beta. Well, Taehyun often gets less of their shit but he can’t stand them most of the time.” 

“Again? There was an omega in your pack before?” Beomgyu blurted out. 

Kai appeared caught off guard at this question, his mouth closing and opening without a sound. 

“No, not in the pack. Before the pack. You can ask Yeonjun about that; it’s not our story to tell,” Taehyun replied for Kai, saving the poor guy. 

So there was an omega. Though one who wasn’t in the pack. In a way, due to the absence of one in the pack, Beomgyu had assumed there was no omega at all in the past—the likeliness that all four of them have had separate relationships individually, possibly with another omega, before entering the pack had escaped him completely. Ironic, since Beomgyu was in a relationship with Soobin prior to what the alpha had with them now. 

He wondered what kind of omega Yeonjun used to date.  Perhaps he or she was the son or the daughter of a CEO—another chaebol. A fitting partner, someone of equal social standing and interests.   

“So, why the fuck is he friend with assholes like them?” Beomgyu asked instead. As much as Yeonjun used to unnerve him in the beginning and continue to demonstrate certain mannerisms that indicated, to a degree, traditional values synonymous to traditional high-esteem families, he didn’t come across to him like the friends Taehyun and Kai had described. 

“The rich are more interconnected than you’d think; it’s important that Yeonjun hyung maintains a good relationship with them. If you have a fallout with one of your connections, that’s one less safety net you could fall into in your time of need,” Kai reasoned, having regained his composure after the slip up he made. 

“But… at your expense?” 

Kai shrugged, like it wasn’t at all significant. He said, “We don’t really see it like that. Of course, it’d be all the better if Yeonjun hyung doesn’t associate with any of them, but he has responsibilities that extend beyond his relationship with us. It barely means anything what his friends think of us, not when Yeonjun hyung himself never regards their opinions highly. It doesn’t mean he loves us less than his social standing.” 

“It’s never really black and white… our relationship. One thing being true doesn’t necessarily mean the opposite was less true. Faith and respect. Those are the baseline—what we consider the most important so we don’t lose sight of ourselves,” Taehyun added. 

Faith and respect. Were these enough to secure a strong bond, for it to stand tall even in wuthering days? They made it all sound easy and natural—to love and give yourself away, yet no doubts had slithered in, and their sense of self remained fully intact. 

“How do you measure faith and respect?” 

“You know there’s no way to properly measure that, due to their subjective quality,” Taehyun told him, half-smiling at him like the question he posed was humorous. 

Beomgyu thought his question was a valid concern. 

“Anyway, just stick close to Yeonjun hyung when you go to the soiree and you’ll be fine,” Kai reminded him. 

“I didn’t say I’d take his invitation.” 

“You’re not fooling anyone, Beomgyu hyung.”

“Must be tiring to be him…” Beomgyu ignored Kai’s remark and commented absent-mindedly, yawning and burrowing his head deeper into the couch pillow.  He napped a lot these days, regardless of these naps being free of disturbance. Even his fear of the recurring nightmares were defeated by this inexplicable need to rest his eyes—a pull stronger than any other. 

“He’s used to it. It’s the least of his concerns.”  

The omega blinked, and locked eyes with Taehyun who was now stretching like a cat and seemed considerably refreshed after the massage he received. Beomgyu asked, “What is his concern?” 

“Concerns,” Taehyun corrected him. 

“What are his concerns, then?” 

Taehyun stared at the chandelier in contemplation. It glinted orange, reflecting off the light of the sunset that sneaked in through the balcony. 

“Us, himself,” Taehyun finally said, before he gazed at Beomgyu meaningfully. “ You. ” 

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There was something about living with them that gave Beomgyu the impression that he was never alone. The weight of their presence was everywhere, and having built his nest using their clothes had certainly amplified his awareness of them. Beomgyu thought it would make him feel uncomfortable, stifling even to be constantly reminded of the others’ presence through their scents after having lived his life for the past years with only his own. But like many other things about them—the exceptions to the commonality of his person—Beomgyu found himself not only adapting to this change, but also seeking for the abundance of reassurance they provided. 

Being in their home, and with them, felt like he was returning home. Like he’d wandered off too far and was slowly being pulled back, slowly being made to belong the way he was supposed to. Like he’d been experiencing an episode of disassociation and shaken awake in the warmth of another body wrapped around him. 

It pleased his omega greatly, and by extension himself, but Beomgyu didn’t know how long this would last. The thought of the future scared him.

It didn’t help in the slightest that despite this, there was a distinct feeling of unknowingness that he felt so starkly in moments that called for it. Beomgyu had noticed it—the ever-present tension between Yeonjun and Soobin, and sometimes Taehyun in the mix, that continued to pervade the space in which they inhabited. They had been speaking to each other like normal, but the subtle jabs in their words and actions wouldn’t escape Beomgyu who was especially sensitive to such things. 

Once, he actually caught Soobin pouring his heart out to Taehyun. Or perhaps more accurately, telling Taehyun in an attempt to seek advice from him. Something about how Yeonjun was being reckless and inconsiderate, to which Taehyun had reasoned being done for a reason, and for Soobin to give Yeonjun the time to think it through by himself. There was an implication made that this wasn’t the first time they had been in disagreement. 

Beomgyu was made to wonder if the problem had to do with the fact that the two oldest men were the more dominant alphas in the pack, that the clashing they had was a byproduct of their stubborn insistence on the matter they personally believed was right. 

“What are you doing?” Beomgyu asked groggily the morning of the day of the check up, trudging slowly into the kitchen with a yawn.

The hunching figure in the kitchen jumped at his voice, which almost made Beomgyu himself jump at the other’s surprise. He squinted, trying to put a face on the person through blurry vision without his prescribed glasses. At first he thought it was Taehyun, but the tall build, the soft cheeks and the mop of dark, fluffy hair gave away the fact that it wasn’t the beta but Soobin. 

Right, Taehyun wasn’t home. He was currently away for a two-day conference outside of town. Sometimes, the beta would prepare a simple breakfast for everyone if his lecture started later in the day. Other times, they would all grab ready-made foods—cereal, oatmeal, fruit, yoghurt, or frozen mini pie or puff pastry that they heated in the oven, paired together with coffee or tea. 

It was odd to find Soobin in the kitchen this early in the morning. Beomgyu hadn’t really expected anyone. Yeonjun got off work late last night so he must still be sleeping, and while Kai woke up early, he routinely spent the morning doing light workout in his room and daily quests in the game he was playing before getting ready for the day. As for Soobin, even though he was on an indefinite break after the last filming he had, he rarely, if ever, made an effort to make a proper breakfast for himself. 

“Why are you up so early?” Soobin questioned him in an accusatory tone, like it was Beomgyu’s fault for having caught him red-handed. 

“It’s seven. I have a class to teach at nine. I told you yesterday, didn’t I? Because I need you to drop me off at the university.” 

“You still have two hours,” Soobin pointed out. 

“Yeah, whatever,” he said with a shrug. “So, what are you making?” 

“Spinach with egg. Something high in iron,” the other answered distractedly, letting him linger around as he grabbed a pan and turned on the stove, before he proceeded to spray some oil on the heating surface of the pan. 

Beomgyu grimaced as he peered at the handful of green spinach in the egg mixture in the bowl in Soobin’s hand. He didn’t like greens very much, much less in his breakfast. He didn’t remember Soobin liking them in his breakfast either—but perhaps he’d reached that phase where he enjoyed greens more than proteins. Age factor, or whatever people were calling it. 

“You don’t get enough iron?” 

“It’s not for me,” the alpha said with an amused glint in his eyes, lips curling in a playful smile. Then, he gave Beomgyu a pointed look, jerking his chin at him. 

Beomgyu pointed at himself. “For me ? But I got enough iron.”

“You’ve been looking paler than usual. I read somewhere that iron-deficiency is common in pregnant people, with your body working overtime to supply for both you and the baby.”  

“I’m feeling just fine though…” 

“It never hurts to be careful and prepared,” replied Soobin, 

Beomgyu bore his eyes at the side of his head, exhaled a puff of air from his nose, and laughed softly. “I see you’re still as cautious as ever when it comes to physical well-being. What next? You’re going to give me more supplements?”

“Well, since someone is not looking after themselves, I gotta do it in their stead.”

A scoff escaped Beomgyu’s lips, though it lacked any bite. He rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not doing that shit of a job. I’ve been eating well and taking my supplements diligently.”

They had been particular with the kind of food he was eating during his stay. They had even gotten him folic acid soon after he started staying with them. It wasn’t that he was in particular need of it, but it was common to take folic acid during pregnancy because it helped tremendously with the development of the baby. 

If there was anything he could complain about, it was the fact that they had been spoiling him so much. 

“Of course. Sit down and let me serve you,” Soobin appeased him, transferring the content in the pan onto a plate. 

The omega pouted but did as he was told. He watched Soobin move about the kitchen with practice ease. Taking the bread slices from the toaster and placing them on the plate, pouring the hot tea that he steeped while waiting for the egg to cook just now. It felt jarring to remember Soobin’s clumsiness that he knew of, and to see him so perfectly composed and confident now. 

This was really nice, though. To be waking up in the morning to spend a leisurely time making and having breakfast in the kitchen with someone. When they were together, Soobin and him were working at different hours, so their mornings rarely coincide with each other except during the weekends, if they were lucky. They didn’t use to have this kind of opportunity when they were younger; to have the luxury of time and company for something so mundane but so meaningful at the start of the day. 

A hand appeared in his line of sight, waving in front of his face to break his reverie. His share of breakfast was already served before him, alongside a mug of peppermint tea. 

“You sure you’re okay? You blank out.”

Beomgyu blinked and shook his head. “Yes, I’m just thinking about you,” he replied, vague but truthful.

“About me? What about?”

“About how funny you look in the kitchen.”

“I’m a natural. You can ask the others, but I’m telling you I’m a great cook. I’ve learned to cook over the years, so I’m not as hopeless as you’d wish me to be,” Soobin said, not offended in the slightest but proud. 

“That’s why it’s funny. To think you’d be so natural in the kitchen.”

“Got used to it.” Soobin shrugged, joining him at the table with his own plate of breakfast.  

“I know it’s late. But can I ask why you’re doing this? You know, this arrangement that you have with us,” Soobin started conversationally. 

“The surrogacy?” Beomgyu asked back. 

Soobin nodded his head and pursed his lips. “I mean, more than just about the money…” he trailed off, not quite finished but seemingly unable to continue with his line of thought. 

“And what if I told you that it is about the money?” 

The alpha put down his spoon and wiped his thumb over the surface of the table, as if there was a smudge there. “Back when we were together, I always felt that you have a strong avoidance of pregnancy and having your own kids. You didn’t even want to talk about it. I just find it hard to believe that you’d do this for money.” 

The omega inhaled sharply, feeling his defense mechanism kicking in at the mention of their past. Indeed it was true that they didn’t talk about things like that, mainly because Beomgyu shut them down before they could bloom into a real topic of conversation. But they were so young then, and broke too. They both had their hands full moulding and chasing after their own dreams. The talk of pregnancy and having kids was a privilege for people who were ready to have them, who had a stable life and were able to provide for them. None of them had that privilege, and Beomgyu was certain that Soobin wasn’t ignorant of that fact too. 

“What other reasons could I have if not for money? And it’s not really my baby; it’ll be yours and the others.” 

“I’m sure that’s true. It’s just… would money really make you do something that you’d been keen on avoiding before?” Soobin inquired further, his tone of voice still light and absent of any judgment. 

“I’m older now. Things change. I changed. I’ve come to accept that my body is biologically designed to carry a life—I can’t avoid it forever.”

Soobin stared deeply into his eyes. He couldn’t tell what the alpha was truly thinking at the moment, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d made a mistake with that answer. After all, Soobin was not stupid, especially when it concerned Beomgyu. The alpha told him before that he was not quite as hard to read once he’d opened up to someone, his emotions displayed clearly in his expression and bled into his words to showcase his true feelings.  

“Did you go to therapy? To talk about your sexuality and body issues. Well, not ‘issues’, but you know what I mean. All those… existential crises you have in regards to your identity as an omega.” 

Beomgyu held his tongue before he blurted out something rude and irreversible about how it was none of Soobin’s business. It was such a peaceful morning, and he didn’t want to ruin it by being a bitch when Soobin had been anything but kind to him. So, the omega simply sighed and worked his brain to think of an acceptable answer to that inquiry. 

“I did. I’m okay now,” Beomgyu said, biting through the lie with a determination to convince Soobin. 

He supposed it wasn’t fully a lie; he did go to two therapy sessions, though it was only in the aftermath of the abortion and not to address his already existing problem. With the abortion, although it affected him greatly, he was already an adult when it happened. He could manage, to a degree. But with his thoughts about his own body and sexuality—those were of different matters altogether. There was no way to begin dealing with something that had entrenched in him since as long as he could remember, something that had started at one point in his life when he wasn’t even aware of it.

“Oh wow, it’s actually good. You have a knack for this,” the omega praised him after having taken a bite. “When is your next project? The one about the dentist serial killer?”  

It was a poor attempt at changing the subject, but thankfully Soobin had chosen to indulge him, to let him take the reign of the conversation and lead it however he pleased. At least for now, Beomgyu was saved from discussing the topic further. If Soobin had any more queries, that would be the future Beomgyu problem. 

“That’s still far away. Remember, I told you I have a few scenes I need to film in Vienna for the previous project that recently wrapped up here.”

“When are you due to go to Vienna?”

“Two months from now.” 

“How long?” 

“Should be a week only if everything goes smoothly. But god knows. It may extend to a few weeks.”

The alpha wiped his mouth with a napkin and took a careful sip of the steaming tea. 

“Why all the questions? Are you missing me already?” Soobin teased him, smiling toothily, all-dimpled and crescent eyes. 

It was so adorable. This sight of him tugged at Beomgyu’s heartstrings. To see him being so simple and happy and carefree—it healed the deepest part of his soul that had ached and ached with the thought of Soobin hurting because of him. Beomgyu had left him heartbroken all those years ago, even though he wasn’t there to witness it; the fact itself was irrevocable. He knew how big Soobin’s heart was, how deep his love for Beomgyu was. 

He was relieved that Soobin had found his happiness again. 

He was jealous that he wasn’t the cause of Soobin’s happiness anymore. 

Both were true, but it was selfish of him to wish for more when this outcome was already so much better than what he could’ve hoped for. 

It was fine, he thought, to think of the fondest memories they had as good memories, not ones that were supposed to hurt anymore. Soobin was in a good place now, surrounded by the people who loved him. 

Still, Beomgyu felt a grievance for the lost time, for what could have been if the pregnancy and the abortion didn’t happen.  

“I’m afraid you will be missing me too much. Remember that time when I had to be away to Daegu for a week and you cried and begged to go with me? You video called me every single day saying that you missed me…” Beomgyu could have said this as a jab back, but he decided not to.

That would breach too deep. He shouldn’t make this weird. 

So, all he could offer Soobin was a smile and a weak “You wish”. 

“So when are you going to tell me about how Kai’s hoodie came into your possession?” Soobin picked another topic of conversation. 

Oh, right. Soobin did find it when he was packing all Beomgyu’s stuff. 

“Oh that. Have I told you about me working at a steakhouse…”

The omega wasn’t as mortified about sharing the story than he was when Soobin found the hoodie. His version of the event that he told Soobin may be theatrical and overdramatized, but the laughter he managed to pull out of Soobin was worth it. 

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Later that day, it was revealed from his physical check-up that he was indeed a bit low in iron. Not bad enough to be a source of concern, but something he should note in case it escalated into one. 

Unlike the first ultrasound, Beomgyu didn’t avert his eyes from the screen. He took in the sight, truly looking at it, in an attempt to rouse some kind of emotion as a response to it. But all he could think of was the last time he lied here five years ago, not in this same room but in a similar environment, staring at a screen just like this one, dread dawning on him at the confirmation of what he had suspected. 

It was around this time, wasn’t it? Back then when he had found out he was pregnant and got the abortion, the baby was around this size. It was the size of his thumb, appearing to him as small as a peanut or a grape in the black and white image. That was the reason why it hadn’t been difficult for him to get rid of it, to dehumanize it, for it hadn’t looked human. 

Beomgyu turned his gaze away from the screen after a while, swallowing the bile he could feel rising at the back of his throat. His eyes were starting to get wet and hot, and he had a feeling that if he stared any longer he would burst at the seams and let the stream of unspoken guilt flow out of him, giving himself away to Soobin and his prior relationship with Soobin away to Kai.   

“It’s so small…” Soobin said from beside him, sighing and smiling gently. His gaze was transfixed on the screen, full of wonders, as did Kai. 

Would he have that same look of wonder and happiness on his face five years ago if he had found out? Or would it be drenched in unspeakable worries, fearing for the life they weren’t ready to be responsible for? Would Soobin’s response have been as black and white? 

One thing being true doesn’t necessarily mean the opposite was less true. 

“Indeed. It measures around one inch right now, but it’ll only grow bigger,” Dr. Vila replied, smiling at both alphas as if it was the happiest news they could receive at the moment. It should be happy news, because they wanted it and were looking forward to it—Beomgyu’s side of the story was meaningless for he was simply a carrier, a vessel carrying the life he had promised them when he signed the contract. 

“Mama and baby are both healthy. But be sure to maintain good care of yourself, we don’t want a repeat of what happened,” she added, addressing Beomgyu in particular to remind him about the incident of the swollen scent glands due to neglect. 

Dr. Vila let them have the ultrasound pictures—a flimsy black and white film tucked in an envelope that Soobin carried in his coat pocket so he could show it to Yeonjun and Taehyun later. 

“Can we… Can we cuddle a bit? And maybe, maybe scent me?” Beomgyu asked, after they had arrived home and that awful, conflicted feeling didn’t ebb in the slightest. 

Faith and respect.   

What if he’d been wrong all this time? What if the reason he’d chosen the abortion and subsequently leaving Soobin had been entirely selfish, as opposed to what he believed? What if telling Soobin and discussing the matter of the pregnancy properly with him before coming to a decision by himself had been the right thing to do? What if what he thought was an act of kindness in sparing Soobin of the heartache had been his fear of rejection masked as altruism? 

“Hey baby,” Soobin said, the endearment slipped out of him like it was natural, sensing the vulnerability in his voice. “Of course, you can. Who do you want, me or Kai?” 

Beomgyu’s bottom lip trembled slightly, but he willed the next words coming out of his mouth to sound less shaky. “Both.” 

Half an hour later, after they washed up and had a light snack in anticipation for dinner, they gathered in Soobin’s room on the second floor. The room was quite bare and neat. The walls and the furniture were monochrome as opposed to Kai’s and Yeonjun’s, though the books and the plants he had on display brought sufficient colors to his room. His bed was placed at the center of the room and was so much bigger than the bed in the guestroom; it could fit all five of them together snugly.  

Beomgyu didn’t try to act tough as they fussed over him—fluffing his pillow, giving him a plushie to hug, and covering him with a blanket. The two alphas joined him after, once he was made sufficiently comfortable. The moment he nuzzled Soobin’s scent gland and Kai nuzzled his, any thoughts pertaining to his earlier concerns dispersed. He felt cottony, pleasant. That feeling spread all over, making his body relax and warm.

Too relaxed and warm in fact.  

They could probably smell the sweet tinge of his arousal that was beginning to bloom as a response to the mutual scenting, growing stronger alongside the wetness clinging to his panty. The throbbing at his sex was amplified with the presence of the two alphas, sticking close to him with their body warmth and scents surrounding him and overwhelming him. 

“You can touch yourself. Or would you prefer we help?” Soobin said in a whisper, his gaze darkened momentarily. Then, the next moment he was not looking at Beomgyu, but at Kai who was behind him. 

The omega’s face colored pink as he crossed his legs under the cover, as if by doing so he could hide the thick scent of fresh spring water and peaches that already pervaded the air.  

When was the last time he sought a release? A few weeks ago? Last month? Granted, he’d been rather occupied, but Beomgyu didn’t think he’d gone this long without having sex or touching himself. It probably wouldn’t take a lot for him to come. Two of his fingers would be enough. 

But his fingers were slender and shorter… Soobin and Kai’s fingers were thicker and longer—he’d observed how Soobin’s fingers ran through his locks of hair, how Kai’s fingers danced over the keyboard or the guitar he was strumming.   

Their fingers would feel good, his brain supplied helpfully.  

It was an enormous task to push aside all inappropriate thoughts he had at the moment. Beomgyu would probably regret this later, when the urge came back and he had to rely solely on his imagination about how Kai’s or Soobin’s fingers would have felt inside him. How they would stretch him and reach so deep— 

“No, it’s fine. Just hold me,” he finally replied. 

Soobin smiled meaningfully and said, “Okay, if that’s what you want.” 

And holding him they did. Kai snuggled close behind him, with one of his arms draped over the dip of Beomgyu’s waist. Soobin rearranged his messy bangs and caressed his jaw, before planting a kiss at the crown of his head. They kissed his neck and scented him, leaving gentle lingering touches, until the heat in his guts had dissipated and he was all pliant and cuddly. 

He felt Kai leaning his head at the back of his shoulder, snoring softly and purring. He felt and heard Soobin behind his closed eyelids; his breathing, the rises and falls of his chest. These rhythms lulled him. There was no pain, and everyone was safe.  

“Don’t leave,” he said urgently when Soobin shifted slightly, squinting his eyes and making an effort to wrap both of his hands around Soobin’s arm. 

“I’m not leaving,” Soobin murmured reassuringly, looking surprised. “I thought you were sleeping.”

“I was, until you’re about to leave,” Beomgyu mumbled with his eyes barely open, not letting the alpha out of his grasp. “Don’t leave me. Don’t leave us.”  

“I’m not leaving,” Soobin repeated, settling back and slipping under the cover beside Beomgyu. 

Kai muttered something unintelligible but made no other noise to indicate that his sleep was disturbed. All he did was tighten his hold on Beomgyu, though it didn’t hurt. 

Soobin’s thumb smoothed down the frown on Beomgyu’s brows, as their feet tangled and intertwined. The omega closed his eyes again and breathed them in. 

Green forest and orchids. Milk and citrus and agave. 

He was missing sea salt and coffee, aged wine and wet woods. 

But even simply at the thoughts of them, Beomgyu felt perfectly belonged.

Chapter Text

He was so warm and so comfortable and so safe, wedged between Kai and Soobin who were purring and snuggling him. Soobin’s palm was pressing lightly at his abdomen, as if feeling the baby up, though Beomgyu doubted there was any discernible difference in terms of his physical form. Still, that gesture indicated protectiveness and affection for the life he was growing inside him, which the omega in him was all too delightful to receive as signs of the alpha’s receptiveness of the mother’s own well-being too. In addition to that, there was a sense of pride swelling in him, pronouncing that he was a good omega for having given his alphas the baby they wanted. 

There shouldn’t be a thing in Beomgyu’s mind right now, being in the perfect physical and mental state to fall into a restful slumber. 

But there’s a nagging feeling he couldn’t ignore, and it took a bit of time for him to realize just what had prevented him from going back to sleep. 

He felt like having peanut butter. Badly. Like a whole jar of peanut butter. Creamy and rich and sweet and salty. Even thinking about it made his brain kickstart to action, turning him antsy with need. Which was funny, because Beomgyu didn’t remember ever being that fond of peanut butter. Usually, peanut butter would be amongst his last choices when he was restocking jams and spreads. 

When nothing he did to forget the peanut butter work, Beomgyu finally decided to do something about it. 

Very carefully, he untangled himself from the two alphas’ grip and got up from the bed. They seemed to be sleeping deeply from the look of it—they didn’t stir at all as the omega left the bed. 

He took his phone from the bedside table. 12.40 am. It should be around afternoon time in Korea right now. Padding over towards the indoor garden downstairs, Beomgyu searched for his mother’s contact information and pressed a call once he found it. 

It rang for a few seconds before her voice could be heard greeting him. She sounded chirpier these days. Beomgyu wondered if something good happened. Maybe the absence of financial difficulty has lessened her stress. Maybe because she was seeing someone. 

“Isn’t it midnight over there? Why are you awake?” his mother asked. 

“I slept early and just woke up,” Beomgyu said, “How are you and Haneul?”

They conversed about their respective lives and what they were up to. Beomgyu skirted around the topic of the four alphas and the present situation in which he was living under the same roof with them, and instead talked about the last time he hung out with Dewi, Mikhail and Francesca, the general update about his studies, and the recent trip to the ice rink he made with some ‘friends’ (he didn’t name Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun, and Kai). His mother told him about how the store was doing, about Haneul’s brass band performance last weekend, and about trying new recipes.

“I miss your cooking,” Beomgyu confessed. 

Suddenly the distance from home felt so palpable, so profound. Even if he wasn’t as close to his mother as he used to be, she embodied everything warm and safe to him. He wished he could be there with her right now—talking with her, doing chores with her; just spending time with her. 

“You should come home sometime. How long has it been since the last time?”

“Hm, nearly a year, I think.” Before she could say more, Beomgyu rushed on to continue, “Mom. When you were pregnant with me, did you have a lot of cravings?” 

“Sure did. I’d say I gave your father a hard time with all the strange things I requested of him at ungodly hour,” she said, laughing. 

“So… it’s something that will not get away until it’s fulfilled?” 

“Kind of. Well, it’s called craving because it’s difficult to resist,” she explained. “Why the sudden interest?” 

“Oh, no reason. I don’t think you’d mentioned your cravings when you told me stories from back in the day when you were pregnant with me.”   

“Yeah, that wasn’t the most interesting part about the pregnancy.” 

Beomgyu hummed and fiddled with the string of the hoodie he was wearing. Deep down he wanted to ask more, not only about the cravings, but about all the things she had gone through during her pregnancy. Was it normal to feel sleepy and tired all the time? Was there anything he should be looking out for? Were there ways to get through a pregnancy without feeling less himself, like he didn’t know what he was doing? What should he expect the further he got into the pregnancy? What was it like to become a mother?

Perhaps the last question bore less significance in the grand scheme of things. Because this baby wouldn’t truly be Beomgyu’s , wouldn’t it? 

While he could surmise that these four men were fond of him in some ways, they haven’t talked about the future and the contract. He didn’t know if they even wanted him as part of the pack, or whether he would be in the picture after he gave birth to the baby. They may have made a lot of exceptions for him during his pregnancy, but at the end of the day, the contract could very much still be in effect. Right?

“You’re quiet. Anything on your mind? You know, you can tell me if something’s burdening you, right?” his mother added. 

“It’s nothing… I just—just miss home, I guess. Miss you, and Haneul too.”

“Chuseok is in one month. Come home and I’ll cook all your favourite food.”

His mother could easily tell he was pregnant if she saw him. Beomgyu could only imagine how worried she would be for him, how her heart would ache should she learn everything about the arrangement he had with the pack as the surrogate mother to their child. She was a true romantic. She wouldn’t like it—the lack of genuine affection and commitment underlying the creation of the baby. 

It was easier to lie now than risk telling her the truth. “I don’t know… I’m really at a critical point in my thesis writing, mom. I’ll let you know if I’ll be able to make it home.” 

“Let me know if you’re coming home, okay. I gotta do all the shopping first. Also, I’ve been meaning to ask… You’re not doing anything illegal, do you?”

 “What? No, mom! What do you mean?” Beomgyu laughed.

“I mean you’ve been sending a lot of money back home. Makes me wonder… I shouldn’t be worried, should I?” 

“No, my new job just pays better. I’m working with… rich people. But it’s nothing you should be worried about.” 

After the call with his mother ended, Beomgyu made his way to the kitchen. If he wasn’t mistaken, they didn’t have peanut butter in the cupboard, but maybe he could find something else to fulfil the craving. He didn’t think he could fall back asleep until he had something resembling peanut butter.  

Something stopped him in his tracks. Beomgyu stilled, listening.  

“—went to see her again? So you took what Soobin said to heart.” 

It was Taehyun’s voice, coming from the living room. 

“I mean, how could I not? It wasn’t like he had a bad intention. I know there’s some truth to what he said, though he could have worded it more delicately,” replied Yeonjun. 

Beomgyu crouched down and peeked from behind the wall, watching the alpha and the beta lounging on the sofa. They were both wearing their work clothes. Taehyun must have just returned home from the conference, and Yeonjun, like usual, must have gotten off work late. 

Perhaps they were tired, since they didn’t seem to notice his presence at all. 

“My therapist had been discussing with my physiologist, and they seemed to have come to an agreement to get me off my medication completely. Not that I’ve been taking them diligently anyway, but we’re doing this officially , you know. They said something about wanting to see how my alpha will respond. Like, in the long-term.” 

“Oh, that’s good news. So they think Beomgyu is a good influence,” Taehyun stated.

“They think Beomgyu is a good influence,” affirmed Yeonjun, nodding his head. “They hypothesize that Beomgyu’s pheromone is helping in my recovery, seeing that my body is not experiencing adverse reactions to prolonged exposure to his pheromone, and even responding positively to him without mutual scenting.” 

Yeonjun started again, looking forlorn. “It honestly confuses and scares me. I can’t believe—” he paused, considering his next words, “It’s just been so long, you know. I don’t think I even remember the last time an omega’s pheromone made me… feel good. And safe. After Eunkyung, I find each and every omega I come across as repulsive no matter how hard I try to make myself like them.”

There was a pregnant silence, and Beomgyu stole another look at the pair to see that Taehyun had closed in the distance, letting the older man lean his head against his narrow shoulder. 

“I know, hyung. And I’m happy for you,” the beta murmured.

“Took me long enough, huh? I feel sorry that I keep you and the others waiting.” 

“We are happy though, aren’t we? We’ve been together for four years without an omega. It may have not been perfect, but I couldn’t have asked for anything better.” 

“Still, we’ve been holding back because of me. All this time, don’t tell me that you and Soobin and Kai have never imagined a pack with an omega in it.”

Taehyun shrugged, seeming to choose his words carefully. “Maybe, but what we have cultivated over the years cannot compare to anything like that. I’m proud of us.” 

“I know you are. No one takes pride in our pack more than you do,” Yeonjun said. One of his hands reached for the back of the beta’s neck, where his fingers curled there in a practiced intimacy. 

“Still, it’s a wonderful thing that Beomgyu came into our lives, huh? Bam! And now you’re healed from years of a fucking trauma,” Taehyun joked, the corner of his lips curling into a lazy smirk. 

As if guilty, Yeonjun quickly added, “Of course, it’s not like yours and the others’ pheromones are not helping me at all in my recovery. It’s just—I suppose I cannot escape what my biology demands, and Beomgyu is just the perfect fit for everything. It feels so natural to want him.” 

Yeonjun visibly cringed and immediately backtracked, “Ugh, I didn’t mean to make it sound so full of gender essentialism shit… You know what I meant, right?” 

“Geez, relaxed. We’re not jealous that you’re into Beomgyu. I mean who doesn’t? Even Kai who’s never really into omegas like him,” answered Taehyun, chuckling because Yeonjun was stressing out over something as insignificant. 

“Speaking of this, I still find Soobin’s obsession about the whole ‘we shouldn’t get Beomgyu into our relationship’ strange. All of us like Beomgyu including him, and from the look of it, Beomgyu likes us too. So why should we hold back?”

“Well, I don’t think Beomgyu likes me very much,” Taehyun remarked, with a tinge of hurt that he masked with a chuckle. That change of topic from Soobin to himself, though abrupt, managed to appear almost natural and changed the trajectory of the conversation. 

“Bullshit. I mean, maybe, but I would say it stems more from not knowing you, Taehyun,” Yeonjun replied easily. “Once he gets to know you, like the real you, and realizes how sexy your brain is and how cute you are as a person, he’ll fall for you just like the rest of us.”  

That compliment brought out a genuine smile to the beta’s lips. 

“I’m already your boyfriend, you don’t need to flirt with me by saying all that.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know I can’t flirt with my boyfriend,” Yeonjun teased, giggling as he ran his fingers in Taehyun’s hair.

They started making out on the couch, with Taehyun straddling him and kissing Yeonjun in earnest. Beomgyu thought it was his cue to leave, but a part of him was also enraptured, a part of him wanted to stay. The wet smacking noises they were making, the simple realization that he was sitting there like a pervert—they made Beomgyu’s ears burn. 

But putting that aside, the stream of information he learned in the span of the past five minutes had kept him paralyzed in place. His brain was picking apart all that he’d heard, trying to make sense of every piece of information. 

Was the reason Yeonjun was acting hot and cold with him because of whatever ‘trauma’ he had that Taehyun mentioned? Was Yeonjun himself unaware of the way he had treated Beomgyu—how he was mixing up his signals, wanting him one second and being distant with him the next? Yeonjun hadn’t struck him as someone who was dealing with sensitive issues about the opposite gender. Despite his hot and cold attitude, he had been so charming and so confident in the way that he continued to keep Beomgyu on his toes. There was an attractiveness to his demeanor that seemed to be built from experience. 

Beomgyu wanted to mull over that, but his attention was also drawn to another thing. About what Yeonjun had said about Soobin. About the fact that Soobin had insisted that their relationship with Beomgyu remained transactional, that he didn’t want Beomgyu in their relationship. Had he not forgiven Beomgyu after all? Had Beomgyu mistaken the subtle hints of what he thought was Soobin’s acceptance of having Beomgyu back in his life? Had the intense care and concerns he had shown for Beomgyu were merely his own initiatives to maintain the fragile association they currently had—the baby he would get at the end of all of this?  

The thought that Soobin didn’t want him made Beomgyu feel nauseous.   

It was in that moment when his phone chose to ding—right, the video of Haneul’s brass band that he asked from his mother—successfully alerting the two of his unwanted presence in their moment of intimacy. 

Beomgyu cursed his luck, but eventually chose to emerge from his hiding place. There was no use pretending he hadn’t been eavesdropping and watching them like a creep. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but he was tongue-tied. Yeonjun and Taehyun had stopped sucking each other’s face and were looking at him expectantly. 

“Want to join us? There’s more room for one,” said Yeonjun finally, with a teasing lilt in his voice. 

“You’ve been watching us?” Taehyun also followed, seeming amused. 

Yeah, Beomgyu was definitely flushing from his ears to his neck. As much as he knew of Yeonjun’s (and apparently of Taehyun’s) affection for him, everything between Beomgyu and each of them had remained almost entirely innocuous. With Soobin and Kai, though they were the only ones with whom he had done mutual scenting with, they had kept their boundaries as per Beomgyu’s request. With Yeonjun, since that night when he and Yeonjun were kissing on the same couch, they hadn’t done anything resembling such intimacy. With Taehyun, things had stayed more… conversational and tensioned , without much progress to speak of in terms of their supposed intimacy. 

It’d be easy to say yes, having known that his presence was bigger than he let himself believe, that they recognized him as someone more than just the surrogate mother to their child (not Soobin, maybe, but alas). As he stood there, contemplating the choices he could make, a realization dawned on him. 

The realization wasn’t sudden, nor was it earth-shattering. Hadn’t he known this already, back when he was slowly becoming entangled in the web of their relationship? This inevitability, this magnetic pull that led him to them, and them to him. 

Beomgyu truly wanted them so badly. 

Yeonjun had been right—he wanted more; to know everything there was to know about them and to be part of what they had. They set his nerves alight, his thoughts running and his breath catching in his throat. It was the curiosity of the pack that had started his need to get closer, then this insistent gnawing that he felt in his guts through watching and getting to know them. All the things he had missed, the things he could have had if he had opened his heart, the very attraction to them and belongingness that he hadn’t felt for anyone in the past five years. 

When Taehyun patted the space he made between himself and Yeonjun, Beomgyu stepped towards the couch and grabbed the hand stretching out for him, stunned from the clarity he arrived at.  

“I saw the ultrasound Soobin shared in the group chat,” Yeonjun began conversationally, his palm resting on Beomgyu’s thigh casually. From the corner of his eyes, he thought he saw Taehyun meeting Yeonjun’s gaze, a silent conversation taking place without a word being spoken. 

“Hm, there’s not much to see yet…”

“You’re amazing, Beomgyu. The last time I accompanied you for an ultrasound, I couldn’t see a thing. But I could see it now, clearly,” Taehyun said, as if Beomgyu had personally done anything deserving of such adoration. 

Wasn’t that what his body was supposed to do? Wasn’t it a given that the baby would grow with time? 

“You’ve been such a good omega, don’t you? Taking care of yourself and the baby.” It was Yeonjun who said it this time, peering at him with a playful smile tugging at his lips. 

The omega preened at the compliment, a deep sound reverberating in his throat that resembled a whine and a purr simultaneously. That unfiltered response startled both himself and the other two men. Only for a fraction of seconds though, for Yeonjun and Taehyun seemed rather amused and pleased afterwards. 

“You like that, don’t you?” Yeonjun said, grinning deviously. “You like being told that you’re a good omega, that you’re a good mother to our baby.”

“I can’t help it if you’re being so—” Beomgyu tried to come up with something, his lips pouting with concentration and effort. 

“Being what?” 

“Calling me good and all… Like I’m already—” Yours. Beomgyu rumbled instead, and used the long sleeves of the hoodie he was wearing to cup and cover both of his burning cheeks.

Very eloquent, Choi Beomgyu. 

“Cute,” the alpha mumbled. 

The hand he had on Beomgyu’s thigh deliberately moved upward, dangerously close to his private area. The heat from Yeonjun’s hand spread to his gut and made his spine tingle. The omega didn’t notice when Taehyun had started touching him, only becoming distinctly aware of him when his thumb nearly grazed Beomgyu’s sensitive scent gland. Almost instinctively, he bared his neck in submission, prompting the beta to put a gentle pressure there. 

Beomgyu could definitely get carried away like this. He would let them do anything to him with little persuasion. 

Panic, Beomgyu blurted out the first thing in his mind. “I—I’m craving peanut butter.” 

Yeonjun’s hand stilled as he processed the omega’s words, before he burst out laughing. Whatever tension there between them dissipated, replaced with a lighthearted tenderness.   

“Your craving has started,” Taehyun observed astutely, pulling away from his neck. The lingering sensation of his touch left Beomgyu’s scent gland tingling. 

“We don’t have peanut butter, do we?” Yeonjun pondered out loud. “Oh well, since our omega is pregnant with our child, we have to spoil him rotten, don’t we?” 

Obviously, the alpha was milking the response he could get out of Beomgyu by teasing him, possibly in delight at the power he had in the current situation. The asshole, thought Beomgyu, almost rolling his eyes in annoyance if not for the fact that Yeonjun’s tactic was actually working, much to his dismay. 

What could he do, lie and say he didn’t like it? He’d be digging a deeper pit for himself.  

Safe to say Beomgyu didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty of the fact that Yeonjun had to drive to the nearest convenience store to get him a jar of peanut butter at one in the morning. 

.

.

.

The dream always began with water. Lots of water. 

Sometimes the ocean. Sometimes the pool. Sometimes the bathtub. It didn’t matter where, because he would be drowning every time. 

There was the suffocation, the pressing sensation in his lungs that grew alongside the panic. 

There was the blood, coming out of him and tainting the clear water. A veil of red. He could taste blood in his mouth when he screamed, muffled and unheard underwater. 

There was the sinking feeling. The knowledge that something was lost. The knowledge that he let it happen. 

There was a coldness like no other that seeped into his bones as he descended further down into the bottomless depth.

He had gotten used to the dream now, after having reacquainted with it for two months now. It didn’t scare him as much anymore, rather it just left him feeling drained. A bruising, deep exhaustion that he felt as profoundly as the grief the dream evoked. At best, he could go about his day ignoring it, letting it sit at the back of his mind like a beast tamed. At worst, it would ruin his entire day before it could even begin. 

It was during one of the worst that they decided to have the talk with him. 

That morning, it had been one of those rare times where all five of them were at home and free of responsibility. Since it was the weekend, Beomgyu had planned to take it easy, especially since the unpleasantness of the dream had yet to leave him. He could still taste iron and saltwater in his mouth, so much so that vomiting suddenly sounded like a better option.  

Beomgyu was rinsing his mouth to wash off that disgusting taste with his eyes barely opening (he knew it was more or less psychological but he couldn’t help it), when Yeonjun and Soobin returned with brunch they bought from a Korean cafe outside. The smell of warm pastries and something mild but fragrant, though made his empty stomach growled, also almost made him gag.  

Yeah, he’d need a mug of peppermint tea to get through this morning more than anything else. 

“You guys made up?” the omega asked Soobin and Yeonjun as he poured hot water into his mug, watching the liquid turn brown. 

He thought it was strange when Taehyun and Kai informed him that the two alphas were going out to get them something to eat. But the sight the two of them made now, without the underlying animosity in their interaction that had seemed constant the past month, was such a surprise Beomgyu didn’t hold back questioning.

“I told you guys. He could tell you were not on good terms,” Kai’s voice was heard. 

Beomgyu hummed as he joined them. “Could tell since the day I was brought here.” 

“Shit, were we so bad at pretending?” Yeonjun elbowed Soobin as he took a bite of the spicy pancake. Both were looking sheepish but otherwise unbothered by Beomgyu’s observation. They seemed to be in a good mood, and that good mood seemed to spread. 

“Easy to tell when two alphas are fighting,” Beomgyu explained. 

Taehyun placed ceramic bowls containing the rice and the doenjang-jjigae they bought in front of him, while the rest were nibbling on different pastries. Beomgyu took a sip of the stew and shoved a few grains of rice into his mouth. He didn’t feel like eating much. 

“We have something to discuss with you,” Yeonjun started after he finished his spicy pancake, looking at Beomgyu with a serious expression.

“What about?” 

“Well, since we’re adults and all…” Yeonjun continued tentatively. Beomgyu could see Kai huffing and Taehyun rolling his eyes at the word ‘adults’. Certainly, the two oldest hadn’t shown the best examples. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush. We have talked, and we think it’s best to ask you directly: Would you like to be with us? As in becoming part of the pack?”

Beomgyu blinked, the words sinking into his still-sluggish brain. He looked at them one by one, and finally settled on Soobin. Soobin didn’t hold his gaze long enough to convince him of his doubts about Soobin’s true feelings regarding this matter, but he decided not to pursue it. 

“Does that mean you want me in your relationship?” Beomgyu asked. 

“Yes. All of us have agreed.” 

Including Soobin? The question couldn’t leave his mouth, even though he thought it was an important thing to ask. Beomgyu fiddled with the hem of Kai’s t-shirt that he borrowed to sleep with one hand and stared at the white rice in his bowl like it held the very answer he sought. 

Still, despite this uncertainty, he could feel his chest expanding, his insides rearranging itself to give room to something precious, something tender. He felt lighter and hopeful, like a weight having been released from his heart. The perpetual grief that loomed over his head upon waking was suppressed, forgotten in the moment.  

Finally. 

“What about the contract?” Beomgyu couldn’t help but ask. 

“We can say goodbye to the contract, no?” Kai replied immediately, like it was no brainer. 

“It’s only there to serve us from the legal perspective. It doesn’t have to mean anything more in our personal relationship,” Taehyun provided. 

“Wait, I’m confused. What about the money and the baby?” Beomgyu added as he put down his chopsticks, no longer intending to keep up the pretense of eating.

“You will still receive the remaining 200k. As for the baby, it will be yours too once it’s born—what is ours will be yours.”

“What do you say?” Yeonjun prodded. The alpha was looking at him expectantly, the only thing that could give away his nervousness was the slight twitch of his  lips. 

Despite having anticipated this moment in some way, Beomgyu only felt the true depth of the situation when it was actually happening. Being in a relationship with four men and having a baby with them sounded like the worst nightmare he could have had five years ago—no, not even that long—five months ago, before he got to know them. 

The future that he would walk into would be so different from the one he had imagined for his life: finishing his study, getting a high-paying job at a top university, helping his mother and Haneul so they would never worry about money anymore, buying a house in the suburb and spending his retirement tending a small cafe at a quiet corner with a dog, or dogs. It was easy to imagine all that because he had been alone, and he’d thought he’d be alone for a long, long time if not until he was old. 

As much as he was certain about his own feelings for them right now, there were uncertainties that would color the coming days. Saying yes would mean he had four more people to think about in every aspect of his life. Saying yes would mean he would have a child he was responsible for until they grew into someone capable of looking after themselves.  

It all sounded so heavy and immense, and Beomgyu didn’t know if he was made for this.

“I know you have never been in a pack before, but neither has our pack had an omega. There will be adjustments and things to learn, but all of us—we’ll do it together,” Soobin reassured him, as if knowing what he had in mind. 

“I promise I’ll take care of you, for as long as you want me to,” he continued, making a point to look at Beomgyu in the eyes to convey his sincerity. 

What the alpha said caused his heart to clench painfully. Even though he still wasn’t sure whether Soobin wanted him, he knew that Soobin had meant everything he just said—even the promise of taking care of him. He had promised the same to him once before, when they were younger, and it was Beomgyu who broke that trust by walking away. Yet Soobin still promised it now, knowing how weak and needy Beomgyu was, how afraid Beomgyu was of giving himself away to other people despite how strong and profound his feelings were for them.   

“Does being part of the pack mean I can have unlimited access to your gaming console and snack cupboard?” Beomgyu asked to lighten the mood. 

“As if you haven’t already. You spent all your free time gaming and snacking with Kai and Soobin—the resident’s unemployeds,” the oldest alpha said, pursing his lips in a mock displeasure. 

“I am employed!” Kai defended himself passionately. 

For both Kai and Soobin who worked in the art and creative fields, the nature of the jobs they were doing for a living were different from the common jobs. There would be periods in which they were so busy practicing and preparing for performances they wouldn’t have time for much else, then there would be periods in which they were too free. Besides some brand deals, Soobin was on a break and not shooting anything right now. As for Kai, despite his seeming unemployedness, he spent tons of hours on his instruments at home in preparation for the annual classical romance concert at the closing of the year. He would spend much less time at home once rehearsals for the concert started. He told Beomgyu before that rehearsals were not meant for practice—they were meant for weaving a musical piece into perfection together, each instrument finding its rhythm to support the others. It was called a symphony for a reason. 

“You’re just jealous you can’t join in,” Soobin bit back, which Yeonjun ignored. 

“So, you’re in, right hyung?” Kai said to him, going back to the topic of their discussion. 

The young alpha’s eyes were twinkling, so trusting of what the future held for them. He seemed to vibrate with excitement and energy. Cute, like a puppy. Perhaps Beomgyu could learn a thing or two from him, seeing that his love was so carefree and fearless and generous. 

Beomgyu felt himself smiling widely. His body felt so light he thought he could float away, or run on air.  

“Yes, I’d like to be in,” he replied.  

.

.

.

Beomgyu didn’t expect Taehyun to be the first, among others, to bring up the topic of sex with him (or ‘assisted masturbation’ as Taehyun called it).

It was Tuesday evening, just a few days after the talk between them took place. They were in Taehyun’s car, on their way home from the university. They all had planned for a dinner date that night at a quiet, quaint restaurant that was said to have a good view of the city skyline and a nice ambience. The orchestra Kai was a part of had held a celebration party at the restaurant before, and Kai had blabbered on about the fresh and succulent shrimps they served at the establishment that they must try. Knowing that Beomgyu wasn’t a fan of seafood, Kai had reassured him that the place was more known for their wide selection of desserts (Beomgyu had been craving sweet food more and more often these days). 

It was a dinner celebration to mark the milestone in their newly established relationship and the first ultrasound picture of their baby. Initially they had wanted to go bigger with the celebration, but it wasn’t a great time for everyone. Though Yeonjun and Taehyun had promised that they would take time off from work before Kai and Soobin started to become busy again, so that they could all go on a holiday together. It hadn’t been finalized yet, but there was a strong possibility that they would be taking a trip either to Cinque Terre or Zurich. 

“I’m proposing that I do this to make up for what I said to you last time,” replied Taehyun when he was asked about why. 

“And your idea of ‘making up’ to me is…” Beomgyu said, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular, dumb-founded at Taehyun’s directness in suggesting that they spent some quality time together that leaned more towards that direction. 

“Well, I mean why not? Don’t people get closer with physical intimacy? Plus, ejaculating is effective in lessening stress and improving your mood. You don’t have to worry about anything, I’ll do all the work. I may not be experienced with omega’s anatomy, but I’ve done quite extensive research. We can have the others in the room too if you’re not entirely comfortable being alone with me.”

As sudden as the idea was, Beomgyu admitted it was a bit awkward in a cute and endearing way. The way that Taehyun phrased this in such a technical manner as if it was an offer for a lunch or a walk at the park together, but at the same time, being very attentive about his comfort. He could think of many reasons why he should outright reject Taehyun’s idea, but he couldn’t. Not when Taehyun seemed so earnest about it. Not when they were in a relationship, no matter that it was a recent development. 

“Since when? You know—since when have you thought about this?” 

“Since that day Soobin hyung brought you back to our home,” Taehyun confessed. “I’m not sure how much you remember from that time, but you were very… stressed. Of course, you were sick then, but I could sense that you were not doing well mentally too. I feel bad, knowing that I might have contributed in some ways to your condition.”

That was something Beomgyu couldn’t deny. 

“You could’ve asked me for a walk or something if you want to get closer…”

“I tend to make conversation on walks with someone. After the last time, I don’t think having a conversation is really something you would want to do with me. Though now that we’re in a relationship, it’s not really something we can avoid forever.”

As if an afterthought, the beta added, “Maybe we should talk less about Soobin hyung, and more about ourselves.” 

“And that … you think I would want to do that with you?” Beomgyu asked, ignoring the mention of Soobin altogether.  

Taehyun simply raised his eyebrows, meeting his gaze through the rear mirror. “Don’t you? Isn’t it natural to want to do it with your partner?” 

Beomgyu’s mouth dropped open, but he was speechless to utter a reply. Of course, it wasn’t like he didn’t find Taehyun’s regal appearance and intelligence attractive, especially when placed in contrast to some of his endearing mannerisms that Beomgyu had learned to read in between the seriousness radiating off of the beta since he started living with them. 

It wasn’t that Beomgyu didn’t want it; he just hadn’t thought that far. Not with Taehyun, who unlike the rest, hadn’t shown much romantic interest in Beomgyu more so than a strong commitment to make the relationship work for all of them. But now that the idea had been presented to him and planted in his head… 

“Think about it. My offer will still be there whenever you feel like it,” Taehyun told him, once they arrived home. 

As it turned out, that offer didn’t stand for very long as it was soon fulfilled. 

Beomgyu didn’t know if they had planned for this to happen, if Taehyun’s prior offer to him had implied this outcome. Perhaps they hadn’t planned this at all, that it was simply a turn of event none of them had expected. 

All that Beomgyu knew was that they were all in such a jovial mood that night. It had been a while since the atmosphere was this welcoming and fuzzy—the last time had been during the dinner cruise. 

On their way home, Kai and Yeonjun had been kissing him and giggling about how Beomgyu tasted of strawberry shortcake in the backseat of the car, while Soobin was driving with Taehyun in the front passenger seat. Once home, Kai had lifted him up in his arms as they got off the car and made a point about how he wasn’t drunk like Yeonjun by carrying the omega. Beomgyu had laughed when Yeonjun scoffed at them—the older alpha’s cheeks flushed from all the drinks he had—but Beomgyu instinctively wrapped his legs tight around Kai when the younger alpha almost tripped over his own feet. 

Soobin, who had also laid off drinking that night, berated Kai for not being careful because Beomgyu should be handled with care since he was pregnant. It was stupid how the omega’s stomach fluttered from what he said since it was something so simple. 

“Relax, alpha . Beomgyu may be pregnant but he’s not that fragile,” Yeonjun said as if on his behalf, grinning mischievously.

“Ah. I told you not to call me that,” Soobin complained, though it didn’t seem like he truly meant it.   

Kai left the scene to go to Soobin’s room, and Taehyun made a joke along the way about how the two oldest were making up for lost time, having reconciled with each other after that cold period in their relationship. Beomgyu still had no clue what it was all about—only a vague idea that it had something to do with himself and Yeonjun’s apparent problem that required him making frequent visits to his psychologist and physiologist. 

As the alpha climbed the stairs, hands steady in supporting Beomgyu’s weight, the omega’s traitorous body began to get warmed and fidgety at the realization of Kai’s sheer strength. Beomgyu may still be considered somewhat petite but he wasn’t a particularly small omega, yet he was carried from the car to the bedroom like he weighed nothing. Kai, no doubt having noticed the subtle change in the way he smelled at such proximity, chuckled and gave a kittenish lick on his neck, turning him on even more at the promise of something more. 

“I want to kiss you. That’s okay?” Taehyun asked him, after Kai had placed him on the bed. 

Beomgyu nodded his head and wrapped his arms around the beta, pulling him into the bed on top of him. The way Taehyun kissed reflected the person he was—methodical and careful and curious. He was attentive to his partner, learning as he went along, and he didn’t slobber. They kissed until they had learned each other’s habits, until the kisses felt natural. 

When Yeonjun and Soobin joined them shortly later, Beomgyu was already melting on the sheet, drowned in the kisses and the touches they had showered him with to put him in a relaxed headspace.  

The two oldest didn’t waste any time to join them. Soobin, though had kept his distance, was watching them with rapt attention. Whereas Yeonjun, who had been adamant about not doing mutual scenting with him before, suddenly dived in to scent him when Kai gave him the room to do so. 

The fact that Yeonjun was tipsy—his movement less graceful and calculating—made his intention and eagerness shine through. He was noisy as he breathed the omega in, as if to show that he couldn’t get enough. Like Beomgyu’s cool and fresh scent was the best thing he’d ever smelled on someone. 

His naked desire for Beomgyu made the omega ache with want, throb with a carnal need.

“Touch me,” Beomgyu gasped out, pawing at Yeonjun’s arm who ignored this and continued nuzzling his scent gland, his hands splayed on Beomgyu’s stomach. 

“We are touching you. You have to be more specific, hyung,” Kai said from behind him, with a hint of feign confusion. 

Only then Beomgyu realized that he’d been leaning his back on Kai’s chest, with Kai’s hands on his waist supporting him. 

The younger man felt so big and so solid, both strong and pretty in a way no alphas he ever knew was. Beomgyu almost let out a needy whine when Kai’s teeth grazed his ear, playing with the sensitive tip. It was very lethal—this newly found confidence that Kai seemed to have developed in handling him over the course of time since they got intimate with each other. If before Beomgyu had thought his hesitation adorable, now his lack of hesitation made Beomgyu fluster, sent Beomgyu reeling with want. 

“Fuck, I can’t get enough of you. You smell heavenly, so fucking good,” Yeonjun groaned, biting his scent gland lightly as if to prove his point. 

The soft moan the omega let out as a response seemed to fill Yeonjun with delight. Even Kai, who played no direct relation to it, was grinning fondly. He cupped Beomgyu’s cheek and turned Beomgyu’s face sideways so he could close the gap between their mouths.

When Beomgyu kept squirming, overwhelmed by the attention yet not quite satisfied for not being given what he wanted, Taehyun started unbuttoning his pants as if taking pity. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, making sure again that Beomgyu wasn’t uncomfortable with his approach.  

What a gentleman. 

“Yes,” he replied, forcefully breaking off the kiss both to answer Taehyun and to draw in breath. 

Beomgyu waited with bated breath as one of Taehyun’s hands began to travel lower, disappearing from sight. The moment his fingers found his private part, Beomgyu jolted slightly, and Taehyun peered at him with a pair of wide eyes. 

“You’re so wet,” the beta said, surprised by the discovery. Unlike the others, a beta like him couldn’t really tell just how much this whole thing was affecting the omega.  

“Ha—it’s been a while,” Beomgyu admitted. The morning sickness and the cramping he was experiencing had kept him occupied, giving him less time to entertain anything remotely perverted. 

Perhaps that was the reason why he was so fucking horny right now. 

Taehyun put a gentle pressure on his clit, then dipped his fingers lower where the source of the wetness was from. He was first exploratory—touching him here and there but never committing to anything, before he slowly sank two of his fingers into the tight heat. He observed Beomgyu carefully, cataloguing Beomgyu’s response to each of his ministration. But once he had established what felt good and not good for Beomgyu, the amount of concentration he put into driving Beomgyu mad was truly admirable.  

For someone claiming he hadn’t had much experience with the omega anatomy, Taehyun sure had some serious skills. It didn’t take long at all for him to find the omega’s g-spot, for him to abuse it when he saw the way Beomgyu’s hip moved to meet his thrusts. His cunt pulsated helplessly from the stimulation, clenching around the beta’s fingers. 

Taehyun was precise and consistent, never making unnecessary movements to prolong or deny him of pleasure. He fucked Beomgyu like the sole purpose of it was making Beomgyu cum. And it worked, because Beomgyu was only getting wetter. The whimper and the moan that slipped past Beomgyu’s lips were only getting louder and higher. His hands fluttered from the onslaught of pleasure until Kai caught them, weaving their fingers together as he kissed Beomgyu on the mouth again. 

His scream when he cummed was muffled by the lips slotting against his own, all his ruined noises were swallowed by Kai.   

He was riding down the orgasm when someone pulled down his pants, leaving him completely exposed in his soiled lace panty. The cool-sweet scent of peach and fresh spring water intensified in the enclosed space of the room, evident of his arousal coming from the copious slick he expelled mixing with his cum.

It was Soobin, who had ceased watching them and finally decided to do something . He was now seated in front of Beomgyu, with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. The protruding veins in his arms appeared even more prominent under the warm glow of the room lighting. It would be a lie to say that the view didn’t stir Beomgyu at all, no matter that he just came.  

“I thought I felt a lace when I was fingering you… Are you secretly expecting this?” Taehyun teased him about the lace panty he was wearing, watching keenly as Soobin placed a pillow under his own chest on the bed. Beomgyu made a choke off noise as the alpha started nosing his soft belly and mouthing the damp material that was soaked with his slick.

“I didn’t! It’s just a coincidence…” Beomgyu retaliated belatedly, just to distract himself from how filthy this was.    

There was a low vibration that was coming from Soobin’s throat, like he was growling but also purring. His eyes were dark with something Beomgyu couldn’t read. The embarrassment that Beomgyu felt burned so hot it almost made tears sprung in his eyes. 

“Lift up your hip, puppy. I’m taking off your panty,” Soobin told him sparingly.  

He did as he was told and spread his legs obediently despite the burning in his cheeks that ran down to his chest, letting them watch him bare where he was most vulnerable, most desirable.  

Beomgyu felt so naked under their heavy gazes that he had to fight the urge to close his legs—he wasn’t a virgin to be so modest about his own body. He knew he looked good—been told such things by different people, been told that by Soobin . He knew that people could desire his body even if all he saw was hard and sharp edges covered with human skin. 

It didn’t make the idea of lying there bare for all to see any less daunting. Perhaps it was all the more daunting for the fact that Beomgyu cared about what they thought of him. 

“You’re lovely, hyung,” Beomgyu heard Kai say. The younger alpha nipped at the soft skin under his ear, warm breath brushing over his sensitive skin and making goosebump raised on his skin. 

“God, fuck, you’re so pretty, and so pink,” Yeonjun marveled, the red tint on his cheeks from the alcohol and the pouty lips made him look cute in contrast to his usual persona. 

The combination of god and fuck the alpha uttered in just a second pulled a small chuckle out of Beomgyu. He shivered when Yeonjun stopped scenting him for a moment, only for his fingers to wander and brush over his clothed nipple, toying with the hardness. Yeonjun’s attention seemed to have shifted somewhere else, for he began mapping the curves of Beomgyu’s body, the firm and the soft parts of him. He even snuck a hand under his clothes, touching Beomgyu’s warm skin directly.  

The omega jerked when he felt Soobin’s tongue making a broad stroke on his pussy, gathering the slick and drinking it up like a man starved. He kept at it diligently, sucking at Beomgyu’s clit as he inserted two, then three of his fingers inside. 

Beomgyu had to bite his lower lip to contain his gasp from the stretch—Soobin’s fingers were so much longer and thicker than Taehyun’s, quickly filling him up. 

Kai held him still while Yeonjun kept his thighs apart, caressing the flesh and making sure he wouldn’t be squeezing Soobin’s head as Soobin fingered him and ate him out. Apparently, Soobin still remembered how to make him cry and beg, how to please him until he was teetering at the edge. Beomgyu threw his head back against Kai’s shoulder as another string of moans and whines left his lips, feeling oversensitive and too full. It was too much after weeks without touching himself and having sex, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“S-stop. Let me go,” Beomgyu tried to push his head off with shaky hands, but Taehyun was swift at holding them back. The beta pressed his thumb on his wrist, chiding him for treating his alpha in that manner. 

The omega made a wounded noise, his body at war with his mind. It was a losing war, as he finally relented and submitted, leaving his fate at their hands. 

He would be cumming again, he knew it from the throbbing pressure he felt in his belly. This was different from the previous one, though—too fast, too intense, too numbing. The thought of cumming so quickly after the last one was mortifying, but it wasn’t enough to stop his body from surrendering to that fall. Especially not when Kai and Taehyun were muttering praises for his good behavior at receiving what he was given, and not when Yeonjun was fondling with his nipple and mouthing at his collarbone, leaving spots of red that would remind him of this night whenever he looked into the mirror. 

“Soobin hyung, hyung—I’m so close ah, fuck , ahhh,” he moaned, his eyes rolling back into his head as it all came crushing down. 

Beomgyu cried out as Soobin continued fingering and lapping at his pussy, disregarding the way the omega was gushing out so much slick around his fingers and mouth—too thin and watery to be just slick. His breath stuttered from the continuous pleasure, entirely powerless and pliant as he became the sole recipient of the pack members’ attention.   

His orgasms bled from one into the next, quick and explosive, that it felt like he just kept cumming. His toes curled on the bed sheet, and his thighs couldn’t stop twitching through it all. He could feel Kai holding him closer as his body shuddered, kissing his temple gently. He could feel Taehyun’s hand at his nape, fingers curling and lingering on his scent gland. He could hear the low rumbling in Yeonjun’s throat as he gripped Beomgyu’s thigh tighter, eyes never leaving Beomgyu’s swollen, leaking entrance.  

When Soobin emerged from between his legs, his face was glistening with Beomgyu’s slick and his pupils were dilated. He looked so damn good like that—a proof of a good alpha who’d get on his knees and did everything in his willpower to please his omega. 

Beomgyu’s eyelashes fluttered weakly as he swallowed the saliva he didn’t realize pooling in his mouth. His pussy felt a bit sore, but not sore enough to stop himself from thinking about the alphas and the beta in the room. He made a grabby hand to reach for the obvious bulge in Soobin’s pants. 

“No, puppy. It’s all about you tonight. You don’t have to do anything for us,” Soobin told him, wiping the wetness on his brows and cheeks with the sleeve of his expensive dress shirt. God, the fact that he didn’t appear the slightest bit bothered by having Beomgyu’s slick and cum all over his face was so hot.

“Another time. We’ll have to ask your doctor first if it’s okay for you to have penetrative sex at this stage of pregnancy,” Taehyun said.

“You and Soobin just had your fingers in him, you know,” Yeonjun said dryly. 

Taehyun shrugged. “And you know what I mean by penetrative sex—the dick-in-vagina stuff.” 

“Soobin wrung you dry, huh?” Yeonjun said to him with his signature lazy smirk instead, ignoring Taehyun’s words. The alpha was still slightly breathless, as if he was the one putting in the work. 

“I can still come,” answered Beomgyu petulantly. It was true, but he was also saying that just to be a brat.  

“Don’t push your luck,” Yeonjun clicked his tongue and flicked Beomgyu’s forehead.  

“How do you feel? Was it okay?” Taehyun asked, as if not knowing the answer already.

“Amazing. Both of you were so good,” Beomgyu replied, blinking sleepily. “Of course, Yeonjun hyung and Kai too… I liked that you kissed me and touched me so much.”

“Next time, I’m making sure you’ll have a better time. Can’t lose to these posers,” Yeonjun promised, though evidently, the alcohol in his system made anything he said sound less threatening and imposing.  

After they changed into their sleeping clothes, they all bundled up in Soobin’s bed, bodies pressing against each other. 

“So, puppy, huh?” Beomgyu mumbled, addressing Soobin in particular.

“You don’t like it?” Soobin asked back.

No. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was Soobin hadn’t called him that since forever. This felt too close to their past, and Beomgyu wasn’t sure how much of their past could bleed into their present without upsetting the precarious balance in their relationship. It wasn’t only Soobin—Beomgyu had three more people to think about now. 

“Puppy is cute,” Yeonjun remarked.

“Yeah, it’s cute. I’ll call you puppy too,” Kai also said, running his hand over Beomgyu’s abdomen.   

“Find your own nicknames for him,” Soobin grumbled, weirdly possessive about something others may consider insignificant.

He let himself be snuggled with as the room fell quiet once their bickering ceased. With the quietness, thoughts sprung forth in his mind—a mix of all the good and the bad. The bad were always more pronounced than the good though, always taking shape quicker and more severe. 

If I’m not pregnant with your baby, none of this would have happened, wouldn’t it? We are not being hasty about being in this relationship, are we? Do you love me? Do you love me for me? Beomgyu wanted to ask all of these. Desperately. Childishly. Just so he could douse the restlessness that never seemed to leave him, to soften the anxiety that he knew would come tomorrow and many more tomorrows. 

But as Beomgyu was kissed so softly on his mouth and on his eyelashes and on his neck, caressed so tenderly by the hands that belonged to his pack members, the worries in his mind were drowned like a static in the background. 

This peacefulness he felt so deeply was too perfect to be broken by such a vain emotion, too perfect to be spoiled by his own melancholic thoughts. 

.

.

.

It was Liliana, out of everyone, who first noticed his baby bump. 

In Beomgyu’s defense, Liliana was especially receptive and a walking mouth without a filter system, a deadly combination that often put Beomgyu to shame. Thankfully, the things that came out of her mouth more often than not flew over her head like a passing cloud. 

She never thought twice about what she had said, least of all dwelling on it for too long. With Beomgyu back to wearing scent patch after he’d healed from that little incident, there was little that could give away his pregnancy to people who weren’t sharing the same living space as him. The last time he hung out with Francesca, Dewi and Mikhail, they didn’t appear to have noticed anything strange about him. He had thought the same would apply to Liliana.  

But as it turned out, it was the first comment he received from her when they met again after weeks of him ignoring her text about hanging out together. All that Liliana asked him was whether he’d been having too much beer with steak because he seemed to be gaining weight around his stomach. She had laughed after she said it, but it set off the alarm in Beomgyu’s head. 

Honestly, he didn’t think he was showing. He was entering week twelve at the moment, and Dr. Vila did tell them that they should be expecting the baby bump to appear more prominently from week twelve onward, especially for a first pregnancy. But the reason he thought he wasn’t showing was because he could still wear his skinny jeans just fine, though perhaps , it did feel just a tiny bit tighter than usual. Even if he did show now, it shouldn’t have been obvious under the loose shirt he was wearing.

Still, when Beomgyu got home that day, he’d stripped off his pants and stood in front of the mirror in his panty and loose shirt. He pulled up the shirt he was wearing, searching for any changes in the way his stomach looked. It took him standing sideways to notice the gentle curve there, a slightly rounder lower abdomen that he could have probably brushed off as over-eating if not because of the fact that he was pregnant. 

He poked the area with his finger. The flesh was firm under his fingertip, not soft the way he knew it. He inspected it closer, exhaling a shaky chuckle at the realization that it was indeed a baby bump. 

Okay, fine. He was actually showing, like truly showing. Once he noticed the baby bump, he couldn’t unnotice it. It suddenly became so obvious, so clearly defined in his eyes.  

Beomgyu didn’t know how Liliana could tell—it was like a clairvoyance level of awareness. Nevermind that she dismissed it as him over-eating. How the fuck she noticed something he hadn’t realized himself?  

Though if he was honest with himself, he’d been avoiding looking at his stomach after that ultrasound scan visit. 

If then he’d been worried of how extremely taxing it’d be on his emotion once a physical proof of the pregnancy could be seen, now all that he could feel was the thrumming of excitement under his skin at the confirmation that the baby was real. That he wasn’t fucking this pregnancy up, even though he couldn’t tell if he was doing everything right. The baby was alive and growing inside of him. 

He immediately went to find Soobin and Taehyun, who he knew were in the kitchen. Soobin was reading a script at the dining table and Taehyun was preparing something light for dinner. 

They eyed him with raised eyebrows upon his entrance, taking in the sight of him with surprise. Admittedly, he wasn’t dressing modestly, but that had been the last thing on his mind until now. 

Suddenly Beomgyu felt silly and ridiculous. Standing there only in his panty and loose shirt, cradling his barely-showing baby bump that Soobin and Taehyun probably couldn’t see as clearly as Beomgyu did because they hadn’t known his body the way he had. 

“What’s wrong?” Soobin broke the silence. “Are you cramping again? Is it bad this time?” 

Feeling self-conscious, Beomgyu let go of his shirt, now crumpled up from his grip. “I… It’s just, I think I’m starting to show…” he stated, voice turning softer near the end of his utterance as his confidence slowly dwindled down.

But both the beta and the alpha lit up at his words, as if not sensing it. 

“Really? Can we see?” Taehyun asked, putting down the spatula and giving him his full attention. 

“You probably can’t tell the difference because I’m not like, big , yet. But sure...” 

The omega’s cheeks warmed up as he lifted up his shirt and waited for their response. He looked everywhere but at them. 

“What do you mean we can’t tell. You are showing, Beomgyu,” Soobin was the first to say something, his eyes darting from Beomgyu’s abdomen to Beomgyu’s face. 

Soobin’s eyes were shining with excitement and happiness and relief. 

It was the best feeling in the world, Beomgyu thought—to make someone he cared about beaming with such positive emotions because of him and their baby. 

Their baby. It had a nice ring to it. The reality that he was presently in a relationship with the four men, in a loving and supportive pack that cared about his well-being struck him again. He still couldn’t believe it whenever he was reminded of the fact. 

“Oh my god…” Taehyun uttered with a toothy grin, observing him more closely. “I can see it!” 

“What are you doing half-naked in the kitchen?” Yeonjun’s voice was heard suddenly.

He strode into the kitchen with Kai trailing behind him, both having just returned from work—Yeonjun from the office and Kai from the piano lesson with his student. 

“Beomgyu has a baby bump now,” Taehyun answered for him.

“What, really? Show me, hyung!” Kai exclaimed, beelining towards Beomgyu with sparkly eyes. 

The sudden appearance of the other two men startled him, enough to make him feel even more self-conscious. This was all really silly and ridiculous, but how could Beomgyu say no when they looked just as excited as he felt?

“Oh shit, the fish,” Taehyun cursed, leaving them marveling at the baby bump to go back and turn off the heat. 

“Hello, little one!” Kai said softly, as if speaking any louder would wake it up. He crouched down and waved a hand in front of Beomgyu’s belly, enraptured at the soft swelling forming there. 

“Isn’t it too early for that? Baby can’t even hear you…” Soobin butted in with his arms crossed.  

“Shut up, hyung. You’re ruining this for me—” Kai pouted and glared at the older alpha, before facing the baby bump again, “Sorry, little one, not talking to you!” 

Beomgyu felt Yeonjun sliding into the space next to him. He had been quiet, so the omega wasn’t sure what he was thinking.  

“You look cute with a baby bump,” Yeonjun told him, smiling brightly. 

There was a hint of pride and something gentle in his expression—something achingly tender that Beomgyu had never seen from him before. It filled Beomgyu with anticipation—the prospect of learning him , of learning them as their relationship blossomed with time. There was so much they had to look forward to. 

Beomgyu giggled shyly as they continued to fuss over him some more. He allowed himself this unexpected turn of happiness, this anxiety-free realization that he was truly, visibly, recognizably pregnant. 

Perhaps the pregnancy would feel less strange and disconcerting to him, now that he had these four men picking him up in times of need, soothing down the turbulent overflowing of his emotions into something softer, something bearable.

Chapter Text

Falling in love was not quite the way Beomgyu remembered it. 

When he was younger, it had been an all-consuming thing—a fire ignited within him, a smoldering heat that burned all the bad and cleansed him, making him into a new person. It was a passion, an answer to life’s biggest mystery, a happiness that filled his heart with spring. Falling in love made all the struggles less prominent, less significant. It was something that expanded and expanded, each day getting bigger that he thought it would burst and overflow, like liquid dripping from the seams of his body and pooling around, covering the land like the ocean did. 

He remembered falling in love with Soobin. He remembered falling in love with everything that made Soobin—from the softness of his cheeks and his gentle hands, from his hushed whispers to his booming laughter, from his big heart to his fear of uncertainties. He remembered being obsessively smitten, even after four years into the relationship. He had believed in fate and destiny, in the red of the universe’s threads weaving his and Soobin’s pinkies together. He had believed they had been granted a gift of falling in love rather than chosen for it to happen.

Beomgyu still thought that falling in love was a gift, but he had come to the realization that it was also a choice. They made it happen; the universe only provided the opportunity .  

Now older, falling in love felt more contained, more deliberate, more quiet . There was a sense of peacefulness and contentment; an underlying current that kept them fulfilled, though it was never stagnant. Something enveloping and all-encompassing. Slower, but much surer and gentler. Like the warmth a coat provided in the cold of winter. Like submerging oneself in a bathtub after a long day outside, the water soothing all the aches and the sore one had gathered. Like being held in a hug and waking up soft and unguarded in an embrace, vulnerable but safe, so safe. 

If Beomgyu was asked about what had changed since he had become a member of the pack, he couldn’t name everything in a way that was accessible for other people to understand but himself. Most things remained the same—the routine of waking up in the morning, having breakfast with one or two of them who were awake early before going to the university, returning home and spending time playing games or watching TV with Kai and Soobin (and sometimes Taehyun), having dinner with everyone (including Yeonjun if he got off work early). 

The difference bore in the rare, precious moments that slipped in between these mundane everyday things—a praise, a teasing jab, a fond smile, a carefree laughter, a hand that ran against his back patiently when he was throwing up in the morning, a hug that soothed down the tremble of his body after waking from the bad dreams, a brush of lips against his cheek or temple, a whispered ‘good night’ into the skin of his neck. 

And Beomgyu found falling in love with them was easy when he allowed himself to, when he looked at them and saw in them the same amount of faith that he hoped to receive in exchange for his heart.  

Being in a relationship with them made Beomgyu realize the essential things that he’d otherwise forgotten—the transparency, the vulnerability, the enduring quality of loving another person. If falling in love was both a fate and a choice, then wouldn’t the responsibility and the strength in which that love was nurtured fall in the hands of those who had made that choice? 

“Soobin was hard to convince. We courted him for months,” Yeonjun told him one afternoon when they were gathered outside for a picnic. It was a Tuesday where they had all decided to take the afternoon off of work and responsibilities, so there weren’t a lot of people around in the park.

“I was wary, and rightfully so. You especially, Yeonjun hyung, didn’t leave such a great first impression on me. Remember what you commented about my choice of cocktail mix? And also about how great you were in bed. Like, totally unprovoked?” 

Kai and Taehyun burst out laughing. The beta clutched at his stomach and curled his body, leaning his full upper body on Kai’s, like Kai’s presence was the only support he had. The simple happiness radiating off of them was infectious. Beomgyu found himself laughing alongside them, not because he found the story particularly funny, but because of how funny Taehyun and Kai seemed to think of Yeonjun and Soobin’s first encounter. 

“Oh my god… I didn’t expect you to be such a loser, Yeonjunnie,” Beomgyu said, faking a gasp as he covered his mouth. 

At this point in time, Beomgyu had come to learn that Yeonjun’s intimidating look and charming personality that came naturally to him were also a fool-proof distraction from the less flattering aspect of his person.

“He was desperate to get into Soobin’s pants,” Taehyun said after he had calmed down. “Yeonjun hyung acts all charming in front of omegas, to keep up appearances. But when it comes to alphas, he doesn’t know what to do with himself and starts blurting shit out of his ass.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widened comically as if it were the first time he heard such foul use of language coming out of the beta’s mouth. “Your language, Kang Taehyun! Where did you learn to speak like that?” 

“It’s Choi Beomgyu-ssi’s influence,” Kai answered. 

Feigning ignorance, Beomgyu continued nibbling on his sandwich and mixed nuts while Taehyun was beside him giggling. 

“Anyway, my point still stands—” the beta said, brushing the bread crumbs off his pants before looking and pointing at Yeonjun, “This guy was a mess, and he almost scared off Soobin.” 

Yeonjun scrunched his nose like the memory was still fresh in his mind. “Nah, it’s just because Soobin seemed so high-strung. I thought he’d loosen up a little if I talked bawdy, as most alphas usually do. I failed miserably, because of course, Soobin-ssi here is not like most alphas,” replied Yeonjun vehemently, raising his hands in a gesture of air quotation when he used the word ‘most’. 

Soobin shrugged coolly. “I was a bit nervous about our first meeting, and I just went through a tough breakup. Your approach didn’t help in making me feel comfortable.” 

“That was four months after your breakup,” Taehyun emphasized, looking at Beomgyu meaningfully, as if it mattered that Beomgyu knew when exactly this exchange took place. 

“That sounds disastrous. But then how did you guys convince him?” Beomgyu asked, genuinely intrigued knowing what kind of person Soobin was. 

“We exploited his weakness. Soobin hyung is very careful and has his guard up, so with people like him, we must be sincere and straightforward, no beating around the bush. But we couldn’t come too strong either. Took a bit for him to trust us and relent, but it was worth it.” 

“I mean, never in my entire life had I considered being in a polyamorous relationship. I admit I had a difficult time warming myself up to the idea of it. Especially because Taehyun had been my friend , you know.”

“It isn’t so bad, right? Much better than you imagine?” Taehyun smirked. Those were certainly not questions he needed answers to because he already knew. 

Yeonjun sprawled on the mat, facing the sun with his sunglasses on. The new caramel highlights of his hair appeared brighter under the sunlight. Beomgyu had an urge to run his hand through the silky strands. 

“Having a pack single-handedly solves most of our problems.”

The omega raised his eyebrows, regarding them with curiosity. “What kind of problems?”

“Well, we’re all… needy in our own ways, except maybe Taehyun. Having more than one partner definitely helps to appease it. But even putting that aside, being in a pack is similar to having a family, don’t you think? Family that you choose yourself. Isn’t that nice?” Yeonjun explained. 

Though Yeonjun had been quite vague, Beomgyu thought he understood what the alpha had meant, instinctively. There was a very common misconception about the second gender that had pervaded modern society—that being an alpha or an omega was simply a biological trait they couldn’t avoid but could take control of, with less repercussions of negligence than people like to admit. The truth was that the second gender was an integral part of one’s identity, and it sought to connect and build a community beyond what was seen and established as ‘normal’. People preached awareness and acceptance, but how often were heats and ruts being spoken about openly without shame? How often were pack dynamics, specifically, viewed positively without underlying dislike? 

“It’s nice. The nicest thing I have allowed for myself,” Kai affirmed the older alpha’s words. “I have my biological family, of course, but frankly my parents’ separation when I was young has taught me that nothing is ever certain. They are my family, but you guys are my family by choice. I think that’s very meaningful.” 

Beomgyu hummed and nodded his head, neither disagreeing or agreeing. Sometimes, hearing the way they talked about each other made everything he’d been seeing from them fall into places. More than romantic partners, they were each other’s life partners. What they had went beyond love in its most basic form. What they had was devotion, something that gave meaning to the simplicity and the childishness that love brought. 

Their love almost felt sacred. 

The fact that he was also a part of this now had Beomgyu wondering what they had seen in him. 

He finished the last bits of his sandwich before he reached out for some kimbap. His appetite had increased significantly in the past week as his morning sickness was gradually getting better. Some of his smaller clothes had started to feel snug around his waist. At least Dr. Vila wouldn’t have to be worried about him not gaining much weight in their next medical appointment. 

“What about you, Beomgyu hyung? Before us, I’m sure you’ve had someone,” Kai said. The mention of his name pulled his attention into the conversation again. 

“I’ve only ever dated seriously once. We were together for some time, but…” the omega replied, feeling guilty that he couldn’t share more. 

“Not long enough to leave a strong impression?” asked Yeonjun. 

“Something like that.” He almost bit his tongue as the lie passed through his teeth. He made a point not to look at Soobin or Taehyun. 

“You must have dated that person for such a short time,” Soobin’s voice was suddenly heard. It might have sounded innocent to the others, but Beomgyu could detect the sarcasm there. As if to hit the nail on the head, the alpha added, “And I bet they weren’t someone memorable?” 

It stung—this backhanded way of letting Beomgyu know that he was still hurting despite it all, of reminding Beomgyu that they couldn’t run away from their past forever. But what could Beomgyu possibly do in this situation? Drop the bomb on Kai and Yeonjun that his ex-boyfriend was actually Soobin who was also his current boyfriend? What next, telling them that he used to be pregnant with Soobin’s baby but decided to get an abortion, when he hadn’t even told Soobin anything about that? 

Of course, Beomgyu wasn’t delusional enough to believe that everything would be fine and dandy the longer he kept secrets. Previously, he had thought he could live forever without telling Soobin about the abortion seeing that their association should have ended with the contract, but now that he was in a relationship with Soobin again, it seemed only inevitable that the truth would have to be laid bare. Eventually.

It’d be like pulling out a thorn that’d embedded deep in his flesh, deeper still with the passing time. Maybe he would bleed, but ultimately, he would be liberated from the past that lingered and haunted him to this day.  

Soobin deserved this. Beomgyu deserved this. They both deserved this.  

He thought about it, more and more these days—though this time, despite the anxiety that filled his heart, there was also a determination that began to ripple out on the surface of his conscience. Steadfast in spite of the shakiness of his person. In a way, he was pushed by this waging rage that he felt in his gut, a kind of resentment for having let this fester for so long, for having run from the truth of it all. He’d been scared and traumatized, sure, but hadn’t he been wallowing in it a gesture of self-glorified suffering? 

He didn’t know how, but he had to come clean to the others too. Having this dragged on for too long wouldn’t be good. 

“Why are you anxious, sweetness?” Yeonjun asked with a concerned look, already sitting up from where he was sprawling previously. 

Since getting off his medication entirely, this was one of the side effects that had to be worn off gradually with time. Yeonjun had become particularly sensitive to the slightest change of scents in the air—like right now, when he could sense Beomgyu’s anxiety leaking through the scent patch, but not Soobin or Kai. The fact that Yeonjun had been scenting him a lot might have also contributed to this acute awareness of the omega’s emotional state. 

Beomgyu shook his head and bit his lower lip, contemplating though deep down he knew he had already arrived at the conclusion he was looking for. 

“I promise to tell you all about it later,” he promised, determined to give himself to them, to lay himself bare without any secrets. 

Falling in love with them was a gift, and Beomgyu had responsibilities towards them that came with the choice he made to be together with them. To be transparent, to be vulnerable, to give back to them the enduring quality of loving another person. He wanted to be worthy of their love, of their devotion. The first step was to unburden himself of what he had carried alone for years, to trust that their hearts could bear the weight of his past sin. 

He would have to talk with Soobin first, and then the others. Baby steps. It would be fine. They would be fine. 

.

.

.

It was Sunday morning, and it was raining heavily outside. 

It was such rare weather to have here, but it had been a full week of inconsistent and wildly unpredictable levels of humidity and temperature for the beginning of the autumn season. Kai and Yeonjun had each contracted a mild cold, while Beomgyu was beginning to experience stiffness and soreness in his muscles and joints. Just another discomfort to add to the ever-growing list of changes to his body that he’d been experiencing with the pregnancy. 

After a light breakfast and an uneventful morning, all of them gathered in one of the rooms on the first floor. It was the east room in particular, the one with the lakeside view and ample sunlight coming in through the glass sliding door. Compared to the other rooms, this room was smaller in size. Beomgyu was told that it used to be their reading room because Soobin had insisted on having one for himself, but it turned out that reading in his own room was more comfortable and convenient. The room had since been left unoccupied.  

It was a pretty sparse room, only having a shelf by the door that still housed some books, a couch, and a foldable desk positioned right next to the sliding door. Besides those, the other new additions to the room were made a week ago—a crib they had yet to assemble lying in the corner of the room, a few tins of paint they would make use of to give color to the white walls of the room, and other painting equipment like brushes and rollers and paint trays. They told Beomgyu that it would be the baby’s room once it was born. 

“Isn’t it too early for us to be doing all this?” Beomgyu said as he slipped on a pair of gloves. 

He had offered to draw and paint flowers and greens on the walls later, but for now he’d helped with overlaying a new coating to the walls. They had argued a great deal when they were deciding for the color—from navy blue to yellow to pink to gray. They finally settled on a medium-light, cool green shade. 

“It’s not that early. We have a lot of things to do. Plus, Soobin hyung and I will get busier at the end of the year,” Kai reasoned from the corner of the room, struggling to open a can of paint until Taehyun came and helped him. “And you’re already fourteen weeks pregnant.”

“I’m only fourteen weeks pregnant,” Beomgyu deflected, resting his hand on the slight curve of his stomach that was becoming more prominent. He did that a lot these days—subconsciously seeking for proof of the baby’s existence. He knew it would always be there, but the confirmation itself was comforting. 

“Isn’t it better to start early? We could make adjustments appropriately as we go along,” said Soobin. 

“Yeah, especially because these guys are so picky,” Kai said, sticking his chin out in the direction of the two oldest alphas. 

“I’m not as picky as Soobin though,” Yeonjun defended himself. 

“I’m not picky; I’m just particular about stuff.” 

“Same thing. Look at Taehyun—he didn’t even care about “dried thyme” or “evergreen fog” or “fieldstone” like you because they are the same colors!”

Taehyun, who had been quiet all this time and the only one who had started on his work some time ago, replied distractedly, “That’s because I’m colorblind.”

“And I think the two of you should kiss,” said Beomgyu suddenly, looking pointedly at Yeonjun and Soobin who seemed to still pick up the fight about who was more picky. 

They made a face to each other as if the suggestion disgusted them. Well, they had kissed all right. Beomgyu had seen it happening when they were sleepy and had their guard down. They would probably rather eat mud before admitting their affection for each other openly and sincerely, but they were very soft and accommodating of each other in the morning and at night when they all piled up on the bed and slept together. Beomgyu personally found that cute. 

Yeonjun grimaced but then broke into a grin, probably finding the situation funny and ridiculous. “Since our omega asked, I will kiss and forgive you this time.” 

He gave a peck on Soobin’s lips, smacked and squeezed Soobin’s butt, before he trotted off to begin his task. Soobin only glared at the back of Yeonjun’s head, not because he was angry but because he was the one at the receiving end of their teasing.   

For the next hour, they worked on cleaning the walls before coating them with the paint together. Since there were five of them, it progressed much faster than it would have. Kai and Yeonjun took a break shortly after they started and went on to browse for a carpet and a drawer for the room from an online shop. They asked for the others’ opinions, and went on another long debate about the pattern and the color for the carpet, about the size and the shape and the material of the drawer. Beomgyu had partaken in the conversation at first, but lay off from doing that seeing the other four were very enthusiastic and speaking over each other. His input didn’t feel needed at this point, and he admitted, bearing witness to this excited exchange between the alphas and the beta made him feel happy and assured. 

They were looking forward to meeting the baby, to welcoming the baby into their lives. 

Beomgyu caressed his pregnant tummy with his free hand, pressing his fingers on the swelling he found there with a smile. Still so small, yet so loved already. 

Once their heated debate ended, with no conclusive decision at the moment, Yeonjun left to make something light for them to eat and drink. It was already ten—they had been at it for more than one hour. Time passed so quickly when they were together.  

“Oh my god, my waist is killing me,” Beomgyu groaned as he slowly moved to stand on his feet after having worked on the lower part of the wall. He rubbed the back of his waist and shook his feet, trying to soothe the blooming soreness he was feeling. “Why is my body aching so much? I’m not even big yet.” 

“It’s probably the weather,” Taehyun provided—a logical answer from the most logical person in the room.

“Sit down for a bit. I’ll rub your back and legs,” Soobin offered, putting down his brush and signaling Kai who had been resting to take his place. 

Beomgyu lied down on the couch, sighing as he fluffed the couch pillow before putting it under his head. Yeonjun had also returned from the kitchen at that moment, holding a tray of steaming rose tea and packets of assorted macaroons and dark chocolate that he received in a gift box from a business partner during their meeting a few days ago.   

“Hyung, Yeonjun hyung,” Beomgyu said in a whiny voice, all pout and puppy eyes. “Can you get me a few packets of the spicy snack from the kitchen?” 

“Sure. Anything else you need?” asked the older man as he put the tray down on the foldable table. 

“Nah, I’m good. Thank you, hyung.” 

When Yeonjun left the room, his attention returned to Soobin who was staring at Beomgyu as he was taking off his work apron and gloves.  

“Hurry up, Soobinie hyung.” 

Soobin took a seat on the couch, placing Beomgyu’s legs on his lap. The omega immediately wiggled his legs in a silent command for Soobin to start massaging him. Soobin slapped his legs for his impatience, which Beomgyu responded by sticking his tongue out and pouting his lips. 

He had less qualm about being bratty, especially after realizing that both Soobin and Yeonjun rather enjoyed his playful defiance. Classic textbook alphas—finding omegas having some kind of “attitude” that challenged their supposed authority attractive. For two people who insisted they were very different, Soobin and Yeonjun shared some awfully similar personal values for alphas. In a sense they were traditional, but Beomgyu had found that about them to be particularly endearing and loveable. 

About how truly weak and malleable they were when it comes to him, underneath that hard exterior they pretended to maintain.  

Well, maybe Beomgyu was a classic textbook omega too. 

It was a win-win situation for all of them though, so it didn’t matter. 

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Soobin remarked, the corner of his lips lifting up in a teasing smile. 

“I’m not. Get pregnant yourself and tell me if you enjoy it,” Beomgyu replied, grumbling and glaring at Soobin like the alpha had faulted him terribly. 

“So prickly this early in the morning,” the alpha joked, suddenly pressing his thumb hard against the tight muscles of his calf. 

Beomgyu yelped, then moaned and melted completely onto the sofa as Soobin skillfully began putting pressure at all the right spots that had caused him much discomfort.

“How are you so good at this?” asked Beomgyu, not that he was complaining. 

“You’re just easy to please,” replied Soobin. 

“Are you insulting me?” 

Soobin furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. “No, it’s a good thing.”

After contemplating, Beomgyu started again, voice low so that their conversation remained discreet between only the two of them. “Do you think it’s strange? That we’re together again?”  

“Do you think it’s strange?”

“Oh come on, don’t hit me back with my own question.”

The alpha chuckled and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s strange, but it’s also not. You’re not new to me, but our relationship is. Though I supposed you did change a little from the last time we were together…” 

“It’s been five years. You have changed too. For one, you’re older,” Beomgyu teased him, before continuing coyly, “And hotter.” 

“Please, save me the dilf talk,” Soobin said, rolling his eyes with a smile.  

Beomgyu laughed and hit him playfully. “You’re not a dilf!”

“Now, that is an insult,” replied Soobin, which only made the omega giggled harder. 

After some time passed with silence, Beomgyu started fiddling with the hem of his sweater. A nervous habit. But when Soobin looked at him and noticed, Beomgyu stopped. 

“Tell me honestly. Do you want this? Do you want me?” Beomgyu finally asked. 

Soobin huffed and stared at him like the questions offended him. 

“I’m not going to be in a relationship with someone I don’t care about, or someone I don’t think can return my affection. I’m not that kind of person. You know it.” 

It didn’t seem that the alpha was lying, but then it begged the question of what exactly he had meant when Beomgyu had overheard Yeonjun and Taehyun speaking that night. About Soobin insisting that they shouldn’t get Beomgyu involved in their relationship. Had Soobin simply changed his mind about the matter, or had Soobin held back from telling them the truth?   

“Something has just arrived in the mailbox,” Yeonjun announced as he carried a box into the room, along with the spicy snack Beomgyu had asked for. 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and approached Yeonjun who had placed the box on the floor by the couch where Beomgyu and Soobin were resting. 

“Oh, are these where you invest your money for this month’s midnight splurging?” Taehyun asked. 

“Ah, this guy… He has such a bad habit of spending tons of money randomly at midnight,” Soobin complained about Yeonjun, though he leaned down to watch the content being unboxed. 

Inside, there were rattle toys and stuffed toys of different shapes and types. Kai picked one of the rattle toys and shook it, delighting at the noise it made like a little kid. Beomgyu took a rabbit stuff toy from the pile, testing out the softness of its material by rubbing his cheek on it. Once satisfied, he returned it to the pile and took up another, a teddy this time. Both were equally soft and cuddly.

“Hyung, why did you buy so many pink toys? What if the baby is a boy?” Kai asked. 

“The baby is a girl,” Yeonjun said confidently, at the same time that Soobin also said “it’s a girl”. 

“Finally one thing that the both of you wholeheartedly agree on,” Taehyun teased them. 

Since Beomgyu was currently on week fifteen, they had yet to check on the baby’s gender. In their last appointment, they had been told that they could do an ultrasound to find out about it on week eighteen and forward. Beomgyu had read somewhere that the mother could sometimes tell the gender of the baby even before having it revealed to them, but truthfully, he didn’t have an inkling on whether it’d be a boy or a girl. 

Yoenjun shrugged. “Well, if the baby is a boy, then he would have to like pink. Who said pink is a girl color anyway.” 

“We must throw a gender reveal party later! You should invite your friends, Beomgyu hyung,” Kai exclaimed, wiggling his body in excitement at the idea of the party. 

“...I haven’t told them yet that I’m pregnant,” answered Beomgyu. “I haven’t even told them that I’m in a relationship with four men. That’d be a shock.” 

“Then they’ll have more than one surprise to look forward to,” Taehyun said. 

Now that their relationship felt more stable and established, Beomgyu felt less reluctant to disclose to his friends the fact that he was in a pack relationship and currently pregnant with their child. All of his friends were pretty open-minded, so he had no worries about that. Honestly Beomgyu was more worried about the fact that his partners were some well-known and public figures. He trusted that his friends wouldn’t rat them out because it was a serious and private matter, but telling other people still felt like exposing themselves to public scrutiny. 

No matter that both Soobin and Yeonjun had managed to steer clear of coming out to the public about their polyamorous pack all this time, there were still rumors flying around. Adding Beomgyu—a pregnant omega —into this equation seemed like a bad idea. 

“Is it okay with you guys? Wouldn’t it be better if less people know since… you know,” the omega asked. 

“They’re your friends. It’s not like we’re telling the world,” Yeonjun said. 

“If it ever comes out to the public, Yeonjun hyung will have a contingency plan. Don’t worry.” Soobin reassured him. 

Oh well, his friends would be normal about it like the adults they were. Besides Dewi, maybe. She would have a field day coming soon. 

.

.

.

In a strange course of events, it had been decided that the destination for their first holiday break together was not Zurich or Cinque Terre but Korea. Specifically Beomgyu’s home in Daegu. 

As for how this happened, Beomgyu could only blame the pregnancy hormone that caused his mood fluctuations. He was already an emotional person to begin with, and the changes that his body was going through only contributed more to this. Perhaps it was also his fault for not having foreseen this outburst.  

They were holding a conversation at the dinner table after a peaceful and productive day in the nursery, enjoying their first hearty homemade Korean meal after a while, when everything came crashing down on him. 

It began with the familiar taste of the tteokbokki, the reminder of a time in the past when his mother would prepare this very same meal for him after school hours at the eatery that the family on his mother’s side owned. He was still in elementary school then, before he had an ounce of understanding of all these gender politics and their consequent effects on his life, before his biological father passed away and his mother remarried with that asshole of a stepdad. That was the simplest time of his life, where the innocence of his younger self had yet to be corrupted, where the good mother-son relationship was something that he used to have with his mother. 

It spiraled from there—his thoughts and feelings about the future and the past blending together. The memory of his childhood that he held dear. The memory that he would make with the pack and the child they had together in the future. The fear and the anticipation of what was to come. 

Wasn’t it strange that Beomgyu felt he needed his mother more than ever now when he was already pregnant, on the way of becoming a mother himself? 

The water that sprung forth from his tear duct was out of his control. He was in the middle of chewing a rice cake and the tears just burned his eyes suddenly, waiting to spill down his cheeks. 

Needless to say, the dinner was cut short. They piled up on the couch instead, wrapped him up with his fluffy blanket, and held him until his crying ceased. By the end of it, he was a mess of tears and snot, had all but nothing to be ashamed of. 

When he told them honestly about what was troubling him, Yeonjun had suggested immediately that they should fly back to Korea for their coming break in a week. He even went on to reassure Beomgyu that they hadn’t made reservations yet, so changing destination was not an issue. Despite Beomgyu’s previous refusal to go back and meet his mother, his resolve was crumbling quickly. 

“Do you not want her to know? About us and the baby?” Taehyun inquired. 

No, it wasn’t that he didn’t want her to know in particular, but more that he didn’t know what or how to tell her. Distance had created a certain amount of awkwardness in their dynamic, no matter that his love for her hadn’t worn out. 

Then there was Soobin. How could he explain to her about Soobin? 

“Do you think your mother might not…” Kai trailed off, leaving out the suggestion that she might not like them or accepting of a pack relationship. 

“My mom… she may have a bit of a difficult time understanding the whole picture, but I don’t think she would mind as long as I’m happy. It’s just—I have purposely left all of you out of my conversations with her because I don’t know how to tell her…” 

There was a pregnant pause. Everyone seemed to consider what he said and their next course of action. Soobin let Beomgyu twiddle with his fingers as seconds ticked by, unable to be completely at ease with the conflict waging inside him. 

“But do you want her to know?” Taehyun repeated. 

“Right, we should only do it if you want her to know. As for how, that’ll come after,” Kai said, which received nods and hums of agreement from the others. 

Before them, he had intended on keeping the surrogacy a secret. If it was only surrogacy, there would be no string attached—he would give birth and hand the baby away. But the circumstances had become different. The baby and this pack would stay. They would become a big part of his future. They were his. 

Until very recently, Beomgyu had thought it didn’t matter much that she knew or didn’t know—she would find out eventually, especially because there would be a child born out of their relationship, but she didn’t have to find out now. If he was looking at the bright side though, going back home simply meant speeding up the process of her knowing. And it would be a lie to say that Beomgyu didn’t want her to know them. They were wonderful people. He wished he could tell the world all about them. 

“I want to tell her. About all of you, about the baby.” 

.

.

.

They finished painting the room with the new green coating and assembling the baby crib a few days before they would be taking the flight to Daegu. 

His mother had been ecstatic about the news of his return. Her excitement didn’t negate the fact that he didn’t inform her of this earlier as she had reminded him to, which resulted in her nagging about having to do last-minute preparations. 

Coincidentally, Chuseok would be celebrated just a day after they arrived in Korea from the US. So, they had all decided to spend it with Beomgyu’s family, even Kai and Yeonjun who often went to visit their respective family during Chuseok. 

Beomgyu gave his mother quite a shock when he said that he would be bringing back four guests with him, alongside Soobin who he had reunited with abroad. Although he had been vague when telling the story, his mother seemed to pick up a hint that something was going on with his love life—even went on to tease him about it. He doubted that she had an inkling that he was going out with all four of them though, much less about him being pregnant with the child of the four men. 

Anyway, the chance of his mother acknowledging his previous relationship with Soobin in front of them all was high, so he told her the truth that the other guests didn’t know about Soobin being his ex-boyfriend and that he wished for her to keep it a secret until he told it to them himself. 

“You sure your mom will not accidentally out us?” Soobin asked him when they were alone outside on the porch.  

“Have some faith. I know her. She’ll respect my wish, knowing how important it is that I’m telling it to the others myself. Plus, it’s not like I brought you home to Daegu with me a lot of times when we were together—maybe she doesn’t even remember you all that well.”

“I used to talk to her on the phone a lot!” Soobin came into his own defence. 

Beomgyu shrugged, ignoring the alpha’s statement. 

“Are we ever going to let the others know? Kai and Yeonjun still think that you were an acquaintance that I talked to only a handful of times in university because we shared a class together,” Soobin changed the topic. 

Beomgyu furrowed his eyebrows, trying to remember. “Right, you told them I was an acquaintance. I forgot about that since they never mention it to me.”

“Because I made sure to make it sound like you’re almost a stranger to me, that I only remember you from my university days because you were beautiful and popular.” 

“Wow, thanks,” said Beomgyu, chuckling. “Did you also tell them you had a crush on me?”

Soobin shrugged and made a face, flicking the water with his toes idly. “I may have, or I may have not.” 

Beomgyu settled down on one of the seats near the swimming pool and opened the half-eaten strawberry ice cream tub he took out of the fridge just now. 

Yeonjun had last minute work to finish up at the office before his extended break, so he wasn’t at home. Kai and Taehyun were in Taehyun’s room at the moment, tired after a whole day doing tasks for the nursery and the chores around the house.  

Beomgyu also suspected that they wanted to have alone time, just the two of them. The only cons of being in a pack was probably the fact that there was less time and privacy for just you and another person, though the pack seemed to understand very well that sometimes three or four or five people in a room were too much.  

“We will have to tell the others, of course. I know it’s not going to look good the longer we keep it from them,” said the omega, returning to the topic. 

Soobin hummed, tracing his fingers against the cool tiles. “Yeonjun hyung will take it hard, maybe—that guy is sometimes unpredictable. But I think Kai will take it the hardest.” 

“That sounds scary…” Beomgyu replied, shoving a spoonful of the ice cream between his lips. He needed the coldness for what was to come.

“Kai rarely gets angry about something, but he’s quite scary when he does get angry,”  Soobin confirmed. 

Beomgyu nodded his head distractedly. 

There was still plenty of stuff to do about the baby room. Beomgyu hadn’t drawn and painted the flowers and the greens he said he would. They hadn’t bought a drawer and a carpet yet. They also talked about making a napping cum nesting area in the baby room for Beomgyu. That would mean adding more things to buy—a futon bed, new pillows and new blankets. It was still far too early, but Beomgyu thought it was this—the increasing awareness of the arrival of their baby in the foreseeable future—that was truly becoming the last push for him.  

“Before that, I have something to tell you, but can you promise not to be mad?” Beomgyu asked, finishing the last bits of his ice cream before it could melt. 

Soobin stopped frolicking with the water and turned to face him, expression open and even somewhat playful, though Beomgyu doubted it would stay that way for very long.  

“Oh, what is this?” Soobin said.

The omega left the empty ice cream tub on the chair he sat on earlier, and padded over where Soobin was sitting at the edge of the swimming pool. He joined the alpha, submerging parts of his legs into the cool water and watching the ripples his movement created on the water surface. His hands were splayed over the tiles, supporting his weight as he gathered his thoughts. 

Perhaps sensing his troubled mind, Soobin reached out for his hand, their pinkies touching, barely but intimately. It was their love language; subtle reassurance, careful but thoughtful gesture. 

“Do you remember the weeks before our ‘breakup’?” asked Beomgyu once he had the strength to broach the topic of their past. 

“Hm, I do. I come back to that a lot, you know…” 

Beomgyu did come back to that a lot of times too. Wondering how things could have ended the way it had. Wondering if he could have done anything differently. Sometimes he blamed the circumstance, sometimes he blamed Soobin. Most of the time though, he blamed himself. 

“I come back to that a lot but I can’t seem to find the answer to any of my questions,” Soobin continued.

“You think it happened out of the blue.”

“I mean, it’s not like you were behaving that strangely. You were moody and tired, but that always happened near your heat cycle, so I didn’t think much of it.” 

It was true that during his first pregnancy the symptoms were much less obvious than the current pregnancy. Beomgyu didn’t experience morning sickness, only mood swings and bouts of sleepiness. It wasn’t until he had blood spotting on his panty that he decided to visit the hospital where he found out he was pregnant. Soobin not realizing any changes in him wasn’t unexpected, especially considering their lifestyle back then. 

“Our fourth anniversary—do you have any recollection of that?” the omega started again, changing the time-frame to three months before their separation.  

“Yeah? We took a day off to spend time together. We had planned for an aquarium visit in the morning, but we slept in because we stayed up late the night before. So we went to the cinema instead, where we watched two movies back to back,” Soobin stopped just to recall the movies and what they were about. They were shitty movies alright, even by Beomgyu’s standards. 

“Then we went for a candlelight dinner, and walked back to our apartment watching the stars…”

The closer they got to the truth, the harder it was for Beomgyu to remain unaffected. His chest felt tight, every word that Soobin said settled like a heavy rock forced down his windpipe to his stomach, heavier still despite his preparation for the worst, pressing upon his insides as if he was about on the verge of a panic attack.  

His hand started searching, trying to find something to pinch to ground himself. There was nothing like that so he pinched himself at the side of his thigh, not caring if Soobin would take notice of his nervous habit. As it usually did, the pain and the repetitive motions from doing that gave him a somewhat clear mind. 

“And when we got home,” Beomgyu took over recalling the event, saying it carefully so that he wouldn’t stumble over his words or break down before they could get to the bottom of the matter. “You joked about how shrimps and cockroaches are basically the same because they belong in the same family of arthropods—after you just ate shrimp for dinner. I remember thinking that it was incredibly unsexy of you to say that—but one thing led to another, and then we had sex… without protection.”

“We did…” Soobin replied, acknowledging it with a weird, placid half-smile. 

The alpha looked at him expectantly, as if waiting for what he was about to say next. Beomgyu had hoped that the alpha would catch on, that he wouldn’t have to admit it with words. 

For a moment, they allowed the silence to swell, for the implication of what had resulted from their coupling that day to dawn in on them. 

Soobin’s pinky that was still on his curled up, hooking on Beomgyu’s. It almost felt like encouragement, a push that Beomgyu needed to keep going. 

When Soobin didn’t say anything more, Beomgyu finally relented and voiced out loud the secret he’d kept from the alpha all these years. The secret that’d been eating at him alive—all the guilt that came from it, the resulting sleepless nights, the displacement, the shame. Though once the truth was laid bare, he found it easier to say it with each breath.  

“I got pregnant that night. Two weeks before I broke up with you, I had an abortion.”

Beomgyu laughed suddenly, in a sharp, rattling sort of way that one wouldn’t be able to tell whether it was out of nervousness or mockery. It sounded strange and unlike anything he’d heard from himself. “I had thought that it was for the best, that we could go back to before the pregnancy even happened without any consequences. But I suppose I couldn’t live with the guilt of having done that.”

“Beomgyu…” he heard Soobin begin, but Beomgyu interrupted him, not wanting to stop now that the cat was out of the bag. 

Everything that he kept bottled up for so long spilled and overflowed, flooding over them and around them like an endless stream of water. “I had believed what I did was right—I knew I was right. We were broke, we hadn’t talked about having a family together, we weren’t even mated! We barely had time to take care of ourselves. I knew for a fact that I would be miserable if I hadn’t chosen abortion, I know —”

He stopped abruptly and drew a deep breath. His eyes were surprisingly dry, despite the unbearable ache in his chest like it was going to cave in, to deconstruct his mortal form into smaller particles. 

“—So why did it hurt me so that I did what I had to do?” 

The other hand that wasn’t in Soobin’s hold gripped the edge of the swimming pool, knuckles turning white with the effort of keeping himself in the conversation.

“Back then, every time you looked at me and smiled at me, unknowing of the sin I have committed, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. It kept eating away at me, so I had to leave… I’m sorry I had to leave you,” Beomgyu said, the last parts of his utterance spoken in a whisper. 

“I’m so sorry…” he repeated, and finally, with that, he felt brave enough to look at Soobin. To assess the alpha’s response to his revelation of the truth.

Beomgyu had expected a look of betrayal or disappointment or even anger, of finding the slight crease of his eyebrows that Soobin always wore whenever he was upset, but there was none of those on his face. What Beomgyu found there instead was an expression he couldn’t read. Perhaps he should be scared about how lukewarm Soobin’s response was to his confession, but another part of him was so grateful. With his current condition, he didn’t think he could receive negative emotions directed at him very well, particularly from someone he was intimate with. 

“Are you sure that’s the only reason that you chose abortion? Because we were unprepared and couldn’t provide for a baby?” Soobin asked.   

“I was scared…” the omega admitted after a while, finally letting himself be truly, fully vulnerable. “The thought of pregnancy scared me so much. It may sound silly but having something growing inside me made me feel like I was robbed of my agency, of my autonomy. Like I wasn’t myself anymore. I wanted it to stop, I wanted it gone.”

The truth of the matter was ugly. The truth about himself was ugly. Perhaps he was asking for too much, but he wished Soobin saw in him someone still worthy of love, someone who wanted so much but could only give so little, someone who loved so much but was also afraid. 

“I still feel the same way now, about this baby… Though I also feel happy about it. It’s a strange feeling. I’m scared but I’m also happy. So scared and so happy. It doesn’t make sense…”   

Soobin held his hand, thumb caressing his wrist, drawing comforting circles. It wasn’t until Soobin kissed his hand, gathered him gently with his arms, and enveloped him in a hug that he realized he was trembling terribly and crying. 

That tightness in his chest hadn’t ebbed; it only amplified until he was positive he couldn’t breathe. But he could , and he would . It wasn’t because he was upset about the past or the present that he weeped—it was the realization of his true feelings. The realization that he was actually as happy as he was scared. That unknowingly, the very thing that he had once thought of as unwanted had also become precious to him.  

Beomgyu wrapped his hands around Soobin and returned the hug, clinging to the alpha tightly as he burrowed his face in the crook of Soobin’s neck. The familiar warmth of his body heat and refreshing scent of green forest soothed Beomgyu like a cooling balm. The omega appreciated the quietness he was granted, the simple comfort he was offered without words being exchanged. 

Within that cocoon of safety, he cried and cried until his tears dried, until he felt he wasn’t a separate being but one with Soobin. 

“I also have a confession to make,” Soobin said after a long moment had passed and he had calmed down. 

Beomgyu sniffled and unfolded himself from where he was burrowing himself to look at the alpha. He knew he looked like a mess, an unflattering sight—eyes puffy, messy hair, with snot running down his nose. At least he’d stopped crying now.  

“A week after you left, a letter arrived in our mailbox,” Soobin began, pausing and looking at him as if making sure that his words didn’t escape Beomgyu. “It was a letter from a clinic, addressed to you. Inside, there’s a bill statement, a proof that you received treatment from the clinic. The letter contains all the details—your name, age, the expense, the kind of treatment you had…” 

Beomgyu’s mouth parted slightly as he processed Soobin’s words. 

“At first I wanted to believe that there was a mistake—that the bill statement was meant for someone else. But it had your name , your ID number …”

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu breathed out, voice faint in the silence of the night, feeling his heartbeat picking up again for an entirely different reason than before. “You knew .” 

Soobin’s stare, alongside the accompanying silence, only confirmed his suspicion that Soobin had known about the abortion all these years. Only because a damn letter from the clinic in which he received treatment for the abortion arrived in their mailbox. 

This had to be a joke, right? 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” the omega asked him, feeling his eyes pricked up with tears again. This time, though, he was resolute to not let his emotion overcome him. This wasn’t about him anymore; this was about Soobin who had been in the know since forever.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Beomgyu repeated, louder this time, his hand forming a fist that he used to hit Soobin everywhere he could reach. His shoulder, his chest, his arm. Soobin let him, receiving the assault with grace because of course—it was Beomgyu who was responsible for all the ugly and the bad in their relationship, while Soobin was always, always the one with the big heart who loved him for all his shortcomings.   

Beomgyu eventually stopped hitting him, once he realized that nothing he could have done right now would have erased the shame and the indignation. 

“I didn’t know how to mention it… And it was clear enough to me that you wanted to keep it a secret from me,” reasoned Soobin. 

“That’s because I thought you didn’t know!” 

“Do you think it’s fair that you never told me anything about it back then?” 

Soobin looked away from him for a moment, and when he faced Beomgyu again, the sheer hurt in his expression pierced at Beomgyu’s heart. His eyes were red, but they were dry. The corner of his lips twitched like he was holding himself back from snarling or screaming or crying. 

Surprisingly, the words coming out of Soobin’s mouth were sounding controlled, almost calm, despite the obvious turmoil he was battling with. Unlike the Soobin Beomgyu used to know from five years ago, who would incline to revert back into the recess of his mind to process his emotions, this Soobin seemed prepared to let them flow. It was as if he had had all the time in the world to mull them over, that he no longer felt any hesitation to voice them.  

“Was I such a bad boyfriend in your eyes? Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant? Did you think I would insist that you keep the baby? Did you think I would have chosen the baby over you ? Did you have such little faith in me?”   

When Beomgyu remained silent, he continued, “I’m not dumb. I may not know what exactly you were struggling with, but I had known from before that you have certain aversions about the things that come with the nature of your second sex. I would understand; I wish you’d been honest with me… I hated not knowing. I felt like we could have saved all the heartache.” 

Beomgyu forced down the lump in his throat and hastily wiped his eyes, before he cupped Soobin’s cheeks and brought his face to meet eyes. There, finally, he saw the look of betrayal and disappointment and anger mixing together, but most significantly, the look of hurt. 

Of course Soobin was hurt. Of course it was Beomgyu’s responsibility to bring a semblance of peace in his long years of believing that Beomgyu had decided on the abortion by himself because of his lack of trust in Soobin. 

“I had faith in you— that you would support my decision fully. I was just ashamed of the fact that I didn’t want the baby, no matter how much I rationalized it. I was afraid you’d come to think of me differently, that it would undo us,” Beomgyu paused and chuckled weakly. “But of course, I didn’t save anything in the end.” 

“I would never. Never would think of you differently just because you didn’t want a baby with me. I loved you ,” Soobin replied, voice thick and wavering, a tell-tale sign of all the emotions brewing inside him. 

“I’m sorry, truly,” the omega said sincerely. He reached for Soobin’s hands this time, curling his own hands on top of Soobin’s like a protective cocoon, though the sheer difference in their hand sizes created a funny contrast.  

It didn’t matter—Soobin had shielded him and provided him with the utmost care in the past and in the present, and he would do the same too, even if his strength couldn’t match Soobin’s, couldn’t match the rest of the pack members. He promised he would hold them with everything he had because they were his—by fate and by choice.  

Soobin did cry that night, and he did so quietly. Like he had done this a hundred times before and was used to it. Beomgyu didn’t let him go—would never let him go now that Soobin was his again, now that Soobin had known his deepest, darkest secrets and fears. There was nothing more Beomgyu could give that would turn Soobin away from him. All the ugly and the beauty had been laid bare for him to see. 

When Soobin turned his palms upside down, his long fingers slotting into the gaps and intertwining with Beomgyu’s, squeezing lightly, Beomgyu knew he had been forgiven. 

Chapter Text

Besides the two times he was shaken awake for meals and vitamins, and the few times he had to make trips to the bathroom, Beomgyu slept almost the entirety of the eighteen hours flight to Daegu, Korea. 

He needed all the sleep he could get after the disastrous meltdown he had the day before pertaining to the condition of his pregnancy. 

The day before they flew back to Korea, Beomgyu had attended his OB/GYN appointment at the Health Center with Taehyun and Yeonjun. At week sixteen, it was already his third appointment. He’d gotten used to the procedure—checking in at the counter, being called to meet Dr. Vila at her room, regular physical examination which involved taking his blood pressure and recording his height and weight, and then discussion about additional supplements he should take or some adjustment to the lifestyle choices he should make or abandon.

During the session, Dr. Vila had insisted that they do another ultrasound when Beomgyu complained about feeling bloated and fatigue and how his morning sickness felt like it was returning again despite having entered the second trimester, where symptoms of ailment should have lessened significantly. 

It made Beomgyu nervous that something might have gone wrong with the pregnancy. 

“Oh, you’ve got twins here. Congratulations!” announced Dr. Vila to the three men.

“What?” Yeonjun asked with a thick voice, having been the first one among them to voice anything. 

He was still slightly teary-eyed from seeing the ultrasound image for the first time in person (Beomgyu should have expected that Yeonjun was that type of guy—the one who would tear up at first ultrasound, and likely at all his baby’s firsts). 

Dr. Vila regarded Beomgyu who was still frozen, processing the unexpected revelation.  

“I had my suspicions when you mentioned you started showing as early as week twelve. Usually, with the first pregnancy, one doesn’t start showing until week sixteen or even twenty. Your morning sickness began early too, and I would say, quite intense. That’s common with twin pregnancy,” she said.  

“But how come? Surely not genetic?” Taehyun asked this time, wide eyes staring at the screen, appearing just as shocked. 

“Well, there’s a slightly higher chance of conceiving twins or more if you get pregnant through artificial insemination. The AI procedure simulates multiple eggs at once, so the rate of conceiving multiples goes up around 10% to 30%.” 

“Oh my god… I feel faint,” said Beomgyu in a high, shaky whisper, thankful for the fact that he was actually lying down and not standing. 

The news soon reached Huening Kai and Soobin as well, and it had put the whole pack in a strange mood for the rest of the day. Or maybe strange only for Soobin and Beomgyu. After that conversation at the pool about their past took place, they had grown closer under the shared loss of their first baby. Soobin knew how Beomgyu felt about that, and about being pregnant and having a baby in general. Perhaps being delighted was the appropriate reaction, but Beomgyu couldn’t bring himself to feel that way. Not yet.    

If Beomgyu recalled correctly, the pack and him had been briefed about the possibility even before they proceeded with the arrangement. Not emphasized in any way it should have been, Beomgyu thought, but still. It wasn’t that twin pregnancy was unthinkable at all, it just hadn’t crossed his mind that it would and could happen to him. He had prepared for one baby, not more. 

Besides Kai, Yeonjun and Taehyun who seemed all too happy or barely unaffected by the suddenness of it all, Soobin and Beomgyu were stuck in a state of shock—processing and accepting the news at their own pace. Kai and Yeonjun had taken to staying close to the omega, sticking at his side and rubbing their scents all over him, as if the news had awakened in them a sudden surge of overprotectiveness, while Taehyun had been especially attentive to his needs throughout the day. Beomgyu had remained quiet, thoughts astray, mirroring Soobin’s own reaction to the news of the twin pregnancy.  

That night when they made love to him, their touches and their kisses felt more tender, as if afraid he would get hurt, as if the presence of another baby in addition to the one they already knew had turned Beomgyu fragile. And perhaps it had, in a sense, because he had craved them more, needed them more. He wanted to burrow himself underneath their skin, to be brave and feel happy and nothing else.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Kai asked, getting ready for bed. He nuzzled into the crook of Beomgyu’s neck and wrapped his long arms around Beomgyu from behind after they had made him come four times, one for each of them, an endeavour they had partaken with enthusiastic tongues and fingers. 

Yeonjun and Soobin were sleeping in their respective rooms that night, leaving Beomgyu with Kai and Taehyun. Kai squeezed him lightly with his palm flat at the underside of the small baby bump. Beomgyu hummed and let the younger alpha draw comforting circles there.

“Two babies… It’s a good thing that there’s five of us,” Taehyun sighed as he pat Beomgyu’s head idly, his form relaxed. 

Beomgyu wished his and the others’ optimism could be as easily felt.

.

.

.

The greenery of the countryside where his home was located was a refreshing change from the usual bustle and modernity of the cityscape. For some reason, the countryside appeared more vibrant and lively than Beomgyu remembered—the sky clearer and bluer, the mountains lusher and greener. Even the air tasted fresher and sweeter. 

This sight of home that he had memorized at heart, in addition to the long sleep he had on the flight, put him in a good mood and filled him with anticipation for his reunion with his family.  

On the way to his house, in the car that they had rented for the duration of their stay, Beomgyu shared with the others brief background stories about his family situation—that his mother was a nurse before becoming a homemaker after she married, that his mother’s side of the family had a small eatery that she was looking after now, that he had a fourteen-year-old half-sister who was also bound to a wheelchair after an accident that happened earlier last year. He mentioned that his mother remarried, but purposefully left out the part about his step-father, not wishing to ruin his holiday by talking about him. 

Upon their arrival, his mother and sister received them with enthusiasm. Driven by the realization of how much he was actually missing home and his family, Beomgyu went on to hug his sister and his mother, though he avoided lingering for too long in case they could feel the small bump on his belly that was otherwise still appropriately hidden by his knitwear. 

His mother, in the typical fashion of a mother who hadn’t had her son visiting for a long time, started talking about how different Beomgyu looked now and how handsome Beomgyu’s friends were, and thanked them for looking after Beomgyu. As the pack members exchanged greetings and self-introductions with his mother, Haneul had pulled him down to the side to whisper in his ear, asking about which one among them was Beomgyu’s boyfriend. Beomgyu didn’t deny her assumption.

“Take a guess.”

“My bet is on the tall, foreign-looking one,” Haneul said quietly, eyeing Huening Kai who was handing his mother some of the lavish gifts they had prepared—red ginseng, Hanwoo beef and a bottle of liquor in a marvelously carved wooden case. 

“He’s more like your type than mine,” Beomgyu teased.  

Haneul elbowed him and exclaimed a quiet ‘oppa!’ before she returned to observing them. 

“They must be close with you since you’re bringing them home.”

“Yeah. I actually moved in with them recently,” Beomgyu told her. 

“You live with them? All of them? You guys are that close? Since when do you like alphas enough for you to stay with not one, but four of them?”

“ Three , not four. Taehyun’s a beta,” he corrected, as if that would change anything about what his sister said. “And… It’s actually quite nice. They are really kind and comfortable to be around.” 

“You haven’t told me which one you’re going out with,” she said.  

The omega just smiled and said that he would tell her more about that later. By then, they had been invited to come inside the eatery to sit down for a meal that his mother had prepared. Since it was late afternoon, there weren’t many customers aside from a couple and a small family of three. Yeonjun and Taehyun did most of the talking with his mother as she served them mandu, kimchi pancake, beef rib soup, ginseng chicken soup, stir-fry spicy pork, vegetarian japchae, and steamed rice. 

The sight of these high class, wealthy people in a run-down, homely place, sitting with their backs straight and speaking politely over their meal, tickled the right side of Beomgyu’s brain. It wasn’t that any of them was dressing particularly extravagantly—in fact they had chosen to wear simpler and more casual outfits. But perhaps it was ingrained in the way they carried themselves and in their presence, they looked out of place. This was amplified by their obvious carefulness underlying the friendliness they were showing in return to his mother’s accommodating welcome. 

When they were left alone by his mother and his sister to enjoy the meal, Beomgyu chuckled and nudged Taehyun’s knee who was sitting beside him. 

“My god, unclench your asses. You guys can relax a little,” the omega said with an amused laugh, addressing all of them. 

“My ass is very much unclenched, thank you,” Taehyun replied flatly, almost immediately. Which, honestly, was telling. Taehyun didn’t rush speaking unless he was somewhat affected. 

“Me too. I’m not nervous. Why would I be nervous?” Yeonjun said. 

Soobin smirked. “I’m sure you hardly realize it, but you’ve been talking more than usual, Yeonjun hyung.”

“Please. You can’t stop shaking your legs since we sat down,” bit Yeonjun back, huffing in mock indignation. 

Beomgyu had taken notice of that too, but he was rather certain that Soobin shaking his legs was a sign of anxiousness born out of a different concern. His mother might have not said anything to implicate her knowing Soobin, but she hadn’t been discreet with her looking at Soobin. To be fair, Beomgyu himself was nervous. At the prospect of this visit. At the truth his mother would come to learn soon. 

While they had reached a consensus that they would have a talk with his mother about the nature of their relationship and the babies that were on the way, none of them could have predicted the outcome of letting her know. 

In Beomgyu’s opinion, it wasn’t really the best timing to get this talking done. He had known the pack for only six months in total, been living together for a little more than two months, and been in an established relationship for around one month. He knew what his mother would think, because he had thought the same—that they were moving too fast. Putting the pregnancy and their polyamory aside, their relationship had developed in such a way that was both sudden and coincidental. From outsiders’ eyes, they would think Beomgyu hasty, or even foolish to have indulged in such love. 

But if time was the measurement for devotion and affection, then what would be the currency for intention ?  

Because the pack members had been so earnest and true to the omega, Beomgyu knew no other way to return their sincerity than to give them what they had wanted. They hadn’t asked much from him anyway. If they had decided that talking to his mother at present would convey their intention of looking after Beomgyu in the years to come, there was nothing more that Beomgyu could have wished for. 

There was a sort of… reverence to the way that they loved and cared for him, and for each other . Reverence. It was a big and heavy word, one that didn’t come to mind immediately but hidden in the pages of old books in the quiet recess of his mind, compartmentalized and far away from the understanding he’d built upon the modern conceptualization of love and relationship.

Beomgyu was certain that once, at one point in his younger days before his thoughts were forced to adapt to the confined structure of modern society, he’d believed love in its purest form was akin to something like this—reverence. Passion, of course, was a known defining quality of love. But reverence was a rare thing altogether; it extended beyond what anyone would usually be willing to give, beyond what love had taught us to desire. Reverence could be a dangerous thing, for how great and wholly profound its depth was. It took courage to love like that.  

Beomgyu told them just about this when they were gathered at Beomgyu’s childhood bedroom afterwards, after they had properly settled down in the guest rooms prepared for them and were conversing about the places they could go for a visit in his hometown.   

“Do you find it too intense?” Taehyun asked him in response. 

The beta was lounging on the bean bag at the small corner of the room, by the bookshelf designed to be inside the wall of his bedroom. Beomgyu couldn’t remember what books and comics he had there, only the memory of having sprawled in his bed reading them as a child remained. The books were arranged and organized neatly by their colors, alongside a few potted artificial succulents and mini car models. The artificial succulents were a later addition to the shelf as they were collectibles from a blind box series from when he was in his last year of high school, after his deadbeat of a stepdad was killed in a drunken accident and they returned back to the countryside to heal (though this seemed unproductive as they were given the responsibility to pay off his mounting debt as his immediate family—a source of stress as good as any). The mini car models, though, were precious gifts from his biological father when he was little. Overall, the room still gave off the rustic and nostalgic feel that Beomgyu had known and adored. 

“No, I suppose I just found it surprising. I didn’t take all of you to be so… serious about it.” 

“Because we’re a pack? Because if one of us leaves, it’ll be fine because there will be others we could turn to for love?” replied Taehyun, ever perceptive, but not unkindly. 

“And because with these faces, it’s pretty easy to recruit new people into joining our love cult?” joked Kai, wiggling his eyebrows like he’d just said something clever and wicked.

“I think it’s because of that exactly—the fact we’re polyamorous—that proving our ‘intention’, as you put it, becomes very important,” Yeonjun explained, putting down a framed picture of elementary school Beomgyu wearing a cap backward with a peace sign on the stand. “It’s a common assumption—for people to think us unfaithful and flighty. Not that we have to prove anything to them , but it bugs me that being polyamorous comes with a set of normalized standards. And usually, not flattering ones.” 

Beomgyu hummed, tracing the fading mating scars on the scent glands at Soobin’s neck idly. There were more than one, though Beomgyu couldn’t tell which belonged to whom. These scars were not permanent like the one that came from a union between an alpha and an omega—they had to be renewed once they had faded. 

“I must apologize because I have had that same thought before. Not consciously...” said Beomgyu. 

“Well, you don’t find a polyamorous pack every day. And whatever you may think, Beoms, believe me when I say Soobin was worse,” Yeonjun told him.

Kai burst out laughing, and Beomgyu followed suit. “I can imagine. He’s the type of guy who sticks on the idea of monopoly. The rest of you must have done a splendid job to make him change his mind.” 

A loud groan was heard from beside Beomgyu on the bed, where Soobin was lying. “Can you not bring that up again? It’s been nearly four years! I was wrong, okay? I didn’t know anything about pack relationships then.” 

“I’ve been meaning to talk about this,” began Beomgyu suddenly, sitting up on the bed so he could look at all of them without obstruction. “Besides with me, you guys do it with each other too, right?”

Taehyun’s lips twitched, having caught what he meant but still decided to wear his pretense. “Define it. ” 

“I mean sex,” answered Beomgyu flatly, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Of course we do, yes. Though these guys are not as needy as you,” teased Yeonjun.  

In the one month since Beomgyu joined the pack officially, there had been more times where he was only with one or two of them at a time in the bedroom than having all of them together. Logically, the same should happen with the rest. Perhaps they thought it mattered not what they did behind closed doors, but Beomgyu was very curious. Commonly, alphas are thought as these insatiable, somewhat deviant creatures dictated by their nature (this was not entirely true, of course, as there was more complexity at play when it came to their biology and instinct). Still, fulfilling that part of themselves without an omega didn’t seem sustainable in the long run. But these people—they had been doing it, and would have continued to do so if Beomgyu hadn’t come along.

Sometimes Beomgyu liked to imagine them together. He imagined the long, strong limbs tangled up in a passionate embrace that one couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. He imagined the soft grunt that Yeonjun made in contrast to Soobin’s breathy one, the particular way that Taehyun got bashful when someone called him cute or pretty but retained a coolness to him that almost seemed impossible to shed, the whiny giggle and the playful bite Kai liked to sprinkle in their intimate moment. 

The gentle way that they loved each other and kept each other safe. 

But sometimes. Sometimes, Beomgyu also imagined the not-so-gentle way they may have taken each other. Teeth sinking into skin until it broke, tearing a wound and making it bleed. Rough, strong hands pushing to take what they wanted. The fight for dominance, in between the red flashes of desire for one another. Bruises blooming on pale and smooth skins, afterwards hidden modestly underneath the soft cotton and fine wool of their clothes. 

These imaginings always left Beomgyu with a shameful feeling that made his skin crawl and his cheeks aflamed. And a soiled underwear—though this last part, they didn’t need to know. 

“I want to be there,” confessed Beomgyu. “Me in the room. Not as a subject of your affection. I want to watch you—all of you, loving each other as you do me.” 

Soobin’s mouth opened and closed, before he finally seemed to gain his wit. “Have we made you feel excluded?”

“A little,” Beomgyu answered, pouting. “I am part of the pack now. Of course I’d want to know what you do together before I was ever in the picture. I mean, before you have me in your bed, you have each other. I don’t mean just kissing, you know, I’ve watched plenty of that…” 

“Oh hyung, I had thought that you were not entirely comfortable with watching alphas doing it...” 

The omega frowned, offended now knowing the reason they were doing things behind his back because they had thought he harbored some prejudices about their bedroom preferences. It’d be a new experience for certain, but not an unpleasant one. 

“Why would I? You do realize that I won’t be in a relationship with all of you if I hold any prejudice about that, right? Plus, Taehyun is a beta.”

Kai suddenly snorted. The implication of Beomgyu’s utterance did not escape him. “So you’re assuming Taehyunnie is the one taking it up the ass?” 

The crassness of the language Kai was using, in addition to the curling of Taehyun’s lips into a lazy smirk, made Beomgyu flush pink. 

“I can’t help but assume things! It’s not like you guys are telling me anything about that kind of stuff.” 

“Rest assured. I do take it up the ass, but I also enjoy other methods of giving and receiving pleasure,” Taehyun explained unhelpfully.

“That’s a small matter. We can arrange for that after we get back home,” said Yeonjun easily, then paused for a dramatic effect before continuing, “The more important thing is, in my humble opinion, who gets to have Beomgyu first.” 

They all exchanged a look. Right, they hadn’t had this conversation yet. They had just been given the green light by Dr. Vila in their last appointment about the matter of having penetrative sex with Beomgyu as long as it was within the omega’s comfort, though it wasn’t a matter that they could have brought up easily to a stranger outside of their relationship. 

Beomgyu could see that Soobin had started shaking his legs again and biting his lower lip, in tell-tale signs of uneasiness. Yeonjun had his arms crossed as he stared at the rest of them, appearing far more serious than Beomgyu thought he ought to. The omega thought it was funny—how the both of them were clearly showing much more concern and interest in the topic than the two younger men. 

“Isn’t it more proper that Beomgyu chooses?” Taehyun suggested reasonably. 

“I’d say I agree with that but the thought of someone else that’s not me gets to have him first is… horrid,” Yeonjun said, not in desperation but in that manner that Beomgyu had first known him as—someone who was certain of his importance, someone who knew he didn’t deserve anything less. Not even in comparison with other people, Beomgyu thought, but simply in the fact of his own existence. In that moment, Yeonjun was darkly, dashingly handsome, and Beomgyu found himself feeling that pull of attraction inside him ignited.  

Taehyun whistled. “Wow, possessive. I’m sure Soobin hyung has something to say about that.”

“I don’t, not really,” the alpha replied in retaliation, though he hadn’t stopped shaking his legs. Fucking liar.

“I don’t really mind about the turn, honestly. I mean, I still get to have Beomgyu hyung all the same.” God bless Kai and his willingness to give him up for the others. Unlike Yeonjun’s and Soobin’s tendencies for possessiveness towards him, whether or not they would admit it out aloud.  

“Must we discuss this now, at my mom’s? Really?” Beomgyu finally put his feet down, somewhat scandalized but also amused at the turn the conversation was taking. 

“You brought up sex first!” Yeonjun said, pointing an accusing finger at Beomgyu. 

“What can you expect from these alphas,” Taehyun tsk-ed at the same time and shook his head, fondly, like he always did whenever he piled them up together for being alphas.  

Beomgyu wondered what Taehyun thought. About Beomgyu’s first. Which Yeonjun had claimed to be so important. The beta didn’t appear to be interested in it, if his avoidance to bring up his own involvement in the matter, unlike the rest, said anything at all. 

Taehyun raised his eyebrows and smiled at the omega when he noticed him staring. 

The words were at the tip of his tongue, but for some reason, Beomgyu couldn’t bring himself to ask.  

.

.

.

The day started early on the first day of Chuseok. Beomgyu had been forcefully woken up when the sun was barely showing in the sky, feeling warm and nauseous from the returning morning sickness that he shouldn’t expect to subside until whenever. His morning sickness had become unpredictable. Beomgyu hated unpredictability.   

Since sleeping in didn’t seem like an option, he opted to take a quick shower and come down to help his mother in the kitchen. Although she had done most of the heavy work, Beomgyu knew there was still some preparation left for the day itself. And sure enough, when he arrived in the kitchen, his mother was whisking the egg batter coating for kkaennip jeon.

“You’re early! Come help me chop the radish and the scallions,” she said. 

Beomgyu approached the counter where three radishes and a handful of scallions were being left to dry after washing. At first, they both went on to do their own tasks, only exchanging some words concerning the food they were preparing. She didn’t seem to realize that he was pregnant yet. Perhaps because she was busy yesterday and today too, and perhaps because Beomgyu had taken special care to douse his scent with both scent patch and scent blocker. 

“So… will you tell me what this is all about? You said they’re your friends, but Haneul told me a different story,” his mother began.

“What did she say to you?”

“That you’re actually living with all four of them in the same house… that you’re in a relationship with one of them?”

He snorted softly, and when his mother gave him a look, he merely flashed her a close-lipped grin. 

“Come on, you have to tell me. Is it true? That you’re dating again? Oh, don’t tell me you’re dating Soobin again! Why did you even break up with him in the first place, you never told me… Speaking of him, my, what a handsome man he has become! Honestly they’re all such good-looking people. I don’t mind you dating  any one of them as long as they’re treating you right.”

“Right…” muttered Beomgyu, his thoughts drifting to the others who were probably still sleeping peacefully in the guest rooms. 

“Mom, I have something I need to tell you.”  

“Yes?” 

Beomgyu opened and closed his mouth, regarding his mother who was doing the dishes while humming an old pop song that Beomgyu remembered from his younger years. She was not looking at him, though he knew she was listening. It soothed him a little that she was not giving him full attention. Breaking news to her didn’t feel as easy as it used to, and Beomgyu was under the assumption that it’d be harder should she be looking at him in the eyes.

“About them… I’m not in a relationship with any one of them in particular. Rather, I’m in a relationship with all of them.”

That confession from him caused his mother to pause. “What do you mean ‘all of them’?” 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of packs. So, I’m sort of in a pack… they are my pack members.”

His mother faced him. Her brows were drawn together as her eyes took him in—observing the general area of his neck where his scent glands were. The question that she raised next was surprising, as Beomgyu had thought she would be more focused on the fact that he had made what most would consider a nonsensical decision than anything else. “Then how come your neck is still clean of any markings?”

“We haven’t—They haven’t mated with me yet… But that’s because they couldn’t, at the moment. And I thought it’d be better if I talk to you first about them.”

She grew quiet. Her gaze was distant, like she was contemplating something she couldn’t quite understand. 

“I think they all have markings though…” she finally said, confused. 

Beomgyu exhaled, biting his lower lip as he prepared himself to explain. “I know it’s a bit difficult to imagine but they were already mated to each other when I got to know them. So basically I am a later addition in the pack.”

When she didn’t reply, Beomgyu took the chance to spill everything before he could back away into a corner. 

“I’m pregnant,” he said, dropping the bomb and hoping for the best now that he’d laid the truth bare for her. 

The response from his mother was immediate. At the mention of his pregnancy, whatever stupefied state he’d put her in previously was broken. 

“You’re pregnant?” she whispered like she couldn’t believe it, eyes wide as they traveled down to his belly, as if she could discern the changing shape of his body under the baggy clothes he was wearing. 

“Yeah, I’m four months along now,” replied Beomgyu, avoiding her eyes. 

He supposed he couldn’t know exactly how his mother would react to having this news broken to her, but he certainly did not expect the calm, almost relief expression that she was wearing at the moment. 

“Your mom is old, so I can’t say I really understand everything you’ve just told me, Beomgyu-ya. I mean you said they were all mated to each other, right?—alphas with other alphas—it’s… a bit unthinkable to me. But I’m glad for you. You know, I’ve always been worried about you… I know I’m not the best mom—”

“What are you talking about, mom? You’re—”

“Let me finish, will you?” she scolded him by giving him a light slap on his arm, before sighing and continuing. “You were exposed to situations you weren’t supposed to when you were little because I made bad choices. Especially by marrying that man after your father died. I can’t help but think that the reason you’ve developed aversion and apathy to the topic of your second gender is mostly my fault. With the way I taught you to behave, and with the way you saw how I was treated by your step-father. And eventually… with what he did to you too.”

Beomgyu pressed his lips together, his half-hearted attempt at smiling failed. 

“I realized too late just how much damage my choices had affected you. For that I am sorry, Beomgyu-ya.”    

The sincerity she expressed left him unable to formulate a response that would appease her of the regret she had about the past. Partly because he did think his mother was right—that she played a big role in how he viewed the world and his place in it. What she had believed must be done to protect him was the very thing that hurt him in the long run. But he knew she wasn’t to be blamed entirely. People made bad choices and mistakes all the time, himself included. He was older now to understand this—that life was difficult and most people were just trying their best.  

“Mom, it’s okay now. I’ve met people who love me. It’s true that I’m still learning to make peace with myself but I’m… content now. They have become important to me in ways that I never thought myself capable of. They make me happy.”  

“You’ve grown so much, Beomgyu-ya. I’m so proud of you.” 

She gave him a watery smile, before closing the distance between them and hugging him. This time, his mother held him close and tight, as if soaking him in and comforting him all at once, just like a warm hug he would receive when he was a child. Beomgyu wrapped his arms around her, feeling something inside him broke and healed itself. It had been so long since her embrace felt this way. Though she was so small and frail now, for he had long since outgrowing her. 

“Oh, am I interrupting?” Taehyun’s voice was heard from the kitchen entrance. 

“No no, not at all,” answered his mother hastily. 

“I thought you could use some help preparing?” The beta entered the kitchen, appearing well-dressed in his pale blue button-up shirt and black slacks. 

“Ah, yes, of course. Oh, I haven’t cleaned up the offering table,” his mother muttered distractedly as she let Beomgyu go, wiping the damp corner of her eyes. She wandered to the stove as if nothing happened. “The soup…”

“You can leave the soup with Taehyunnie, mom. He’s a natural in the kitchen,” Beomgyu said.

“Is it fine with you, dearie?” she asked Taehyun who was rolling up the sleeve of his shirt. 

“Of course, I can manage.” 

“Oh, can you please pan-fried the perilla leaves in between as well? The batter is in the brown bowl on the table. Thanks, dearie.”

With those last words from his mother, they were left alone on their own devices. Taehyun, despite no doubt having caught the mood he was in after that exchange with his mother, chose to talk about something else, much to Beomgyu’s luck. At first he conversed about the kinds of food that his own family often prepared for Chuseok, and about the fact that Chuseok was the only holiday that they all spent apart from each other for family visit. 

“Did something happen with you and Soobin hyung?” Taehyun suddenly asked after a while, changing the topic. 

“Hm, yes, I guess, but nothing much. Why do you ask?”

“I thought your chemistry with him is especially good these days.”

Beomgyu chuckled as he poured the chopped radishes and scallions into a container for later use of the radish soup Taehyun was making. He placed the chopping board aside and crossed his arms, watching Taehyun turn to sear the other side of the meat in the pot with tongs. 

“I could say the same about you and Kai.”

“I always have good chemistry with Kai,” the beta said, before continuing swiftly, “Though, not as good as you and Soobin hyung.”

“Didn’t you say we should talk about ourselves instead? No bringing up Soobin.”

“Ah right, our conversation usually seems to consist of Soobin hyung or some random facts about random topics of interest.”

“Why, I like your random facts. I don’t know much outside of my own field of study,” Beomgyu said.  

The omega sucked in a deep breath, thinking of ways to delicately broach the subject that had been on his mind for a long time, subconsciously hidden in plain sight due to how content Beomgyu had been these days and how little Taehyun himself made it known. 

“You know, I’ve been wondering…  Do you even like me?” 

Right, that was very subtle of you Choi Beomgyu.  

Taehyun didn’t reply right away, only looking at the omega owlishly for a moment, and Beomgyu couldn’t help the dry laugh that escaped him. It stung a little—this acknowledgement that he possibly meant little to Taehyun than he was to the pack, that he was someone to Taehyun simply under the chain effect of the arrangement they were in. Perhaps it was greedy of Beomgyu to wish for Taehyun to want him like the others did too.

“The fact that it’s taking this long for you to answer is telling, I feel,” said the omega. 

“I’m just not sure if you mean what I think you mean?”

“It is what you probably think I mean…”

“I do like you…” Taehyun trailed off.

“I sense a ‘but’...”

Taehyun smiled and nodded. “But I don’t think my ‘like’ can really compare to the others.”

Beomgyu huffed, uncrossing his arms to reach for the egg batter bowl that Taehyun passed to him, silently asking him to help with frying the rolled perilla leaves. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a beta. There are some pack dynamics that remain elusive and inaccessible to me. Like the whole stuff about scenting, or even mating. I don’t have ruts or heats. My senses are duller overall. Biology dictates that I don’t experience the world to the same extent that you and the others do…”  

The omega paused after dropping a piece of kkaennip jeon into the hot oil. His brows were drawn together into a frown, processing the beta’s words. 

“So you think the depth of your feeling is not equal to the rest of the pack members?” suggested Beomgyu. 

“No, not exactly like that. I mean I’m aware that what I feel is not proportionate to what I am. But I do think it’s true that there are some nuances I’m missing simply because I’m not an alpha or an omega. This difference is not something that I can ever make up for—that’s the truth. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing or anything—I take pride in looking out after you and the others, in ways that only I can.” 

“Is that really enough? What about you? What do you want?”

At this, Taehyun blinked and gathered his thoughts before he spoke again. “All I want is for us to stay together for a long time. It makes me happy that all of you are happy.”

Beomgyu placed his full attention on the beta, to really look at him and challenge him. “Is that the only thing that you want?”

With that question out, he was met with silence. Taehyun seemed like he wanted to say something, perhaps to prove Beomgyu wrong—that there wasn’t anything more to this than what he’d told him. Taehyun didn’t add anything more, though, and Beomgyu felt strangely frustrated at the way their conversation had panned out. 

Finally, when Taehyun did speak up, it wasn’t to answer Beomgyu, “I don’t think you understood what I actually meant.”

“Then make me understand.” 

“We are doing well, don’t we? The way we are and the way things are right now—everyone’s happy and everything’s peaceful,” Taehyun replied, being evasive yet again. The tone of his voice, though soft, was certain and conclusive, as if what he said was a truth that had no room for doubts. 

They were doing well, yes, so what was it that Taehyun was suggesting? That their current relationship was already at its pinnacle? That there wasn’t anything more that they could do because what they had at present was ‘perfect’? It left a bad taste in Beomgyu’s mouth—knowing that ‘everyone’s happy and everything’s peaceful’, though not wrong , couldn’t even begin to explain what they had left unspoken between them. The secrets they had yet to unrevealed, what each of them desired to give and receive—weren’t these important parts of what they were building together? Weren’t they slowly learning to weave their existence together—where one person was not less than the other?

What did Taehyun want, beyond protecting their well-being and happiness? 

“You’re terribly selfish, Kang Taehyun,” said Beomgyu with a placid smile. It was strange how he felt both closer and distant to Taehyun now than he ever did in the past, like a piece of him finally fell into place and everything was starting to make sense.

He could see Taehyun clearer now, and what he had foolishly thought was Taehyun’s unshaken sensibility and grounding presence that kept them all together as the mediator of the pack. There was another layer to this that Taehyun was aware of but didn’t address.

The beta didn’t appear surprised by this harsh conclusion Beomgyu was making. “I wonder about that…” he said, letting the topic stop there with an unsatisfying remark. 

.

.

.

Their holiday passed by quickly. With the end of the Chuseok celebration, they had taken the liberty to visit different places in Daegu—from the E-World Park to the Apsan hiking trail (Beomgyu could really use some exercising—it was said that exercising could reduce risk of complications, and by god, Beomgyu was terrified of the idea of any complications happening to himself in the period of his pregnancy). In the evenings, they would help his mother with the closing of the diner, then they would gather to play card games or board games as they conversed into the night.  

After that talk Beomgyu had with his mother, she didn’t mention or raise the topic of Beomgyu being in the pack, though she did start nagging him about not eating enough or how he was not taking care of himself well— now that she knew he was pregnant. It seemed that she received the news of his new relationship with much more grace than Beomgyu could have predicted. 

Despite this, he knew that his mother had been talking with the others. Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun and Kai had made good on their promise by having the talk with his mother. Beomgyu wasn’t privy to the conversations she had with them, and they didn’t disclose too much to him either. But from the day-to-day interaction they had in front of him, it didn’t appear that there was friction between his mother and his boyfriends. In fact, they only seemed to grow closer and more comfortable with each other. 

Whereas for Haneul, since the moment she found out that they were all together, had been pestering not only Beomgyu but also the rest for stories of how it could happen. Taehyun and Kai had been gracious enough to entertain her whims, though whatever stories they shared were always rewritten in one way or another. They couldn’t possibly tell her that Beomgyu had first been their surrogate. In addition, the news of his pregnancy had both excited her and made her more protective. Because Haneul had always been a darling little sister to him, he sometimes forgot that she was also an alpha. 

In the last days of their break, they had to cancel their plan of going out for sightseeing. Beomgyu had unfortunately fallen sick and bound to his bed, nesting with the clothes belonging to his pack members that he arranged into a pile with his own blankets and soft pillows. It wasn’t the prettiest nest he’d made—in fact it was lackluster in so many ways—but he had to make do. 

It was probably one of the worst he’d felt since he became pregnant, second only to that time when his scent glands got swollen and Soobin came to his rescue. If not for having the others there with him to ease his discomfort, Beomgyu was quite positive it’d be just as bad. This time it was less about nauseousness and feeling sick in his stomach, which was quite a blessing, though the dizziness that made his head felt light and the weakness in his limbs were not so much better. He could only flop in his bed uselessly, seeking for his partners’ care in the most based and foundational way that an omega’s instinct allowed him to. 

And it wasn’t pretty—these uncontrollable, insensible needs that clouded his judgment. Beomgyu almost felt bad for them for having to tend to him when he was like this, if only he had more mind awareness to care about how he was behaving at the moment. Every time one of them was trying to leave the nest, Beomgyu would become very upset and almost inconsolable that they’d given up trying. He must have constant access to their scent glands, constant bodily contact that allowed him to be made aware of their presence near him.  

It was a tight fit for adults like them to be in one bed—and this was already discounting Taehyun and Kai, who’d managed to leave the room just now (not without Beomgyu shedding tears and begging for them to stay) to get some over-the-counter medications and vitamins for him. Taehyun was convinced that in addition to the morning sickness, Beomgyu’s condition was also caused by iron deficiency—something that they’d been warned about in their last appointment, as anemia was two times more common in twin pregnancy.   

Soobin, who had to resume working almost as soon as they would return to the USA and hold the baby shower, had taken to reading his script in the nest—one of his hands holding the papers while the other was wrapped around the omega so that Beomgyu could doze off with his face tucked close to Soobin’s scent glands. Yeonjun was at Beomgyu’s other side after his turn of scenting Beomgyu ended, mostly on his phone as he patted Beomgyu’s back, although he did steal glances at the omega from time to time. It was a pitiful sight—him curling and making himself smaller against Soobin, drifting between the state of consciousness and unconsciousness, with tear-tracks drying on his face.  

“Doesn’t he look scent-drunk to you?” Soobin muttered, his breath tickling the crown of Beomgyu’s head. The omega breathed in slowly and steadily, the full exposure to Soobin’s scent in addition to the traces of his partners in his nest sending dopamine to his brain, turning him all mushy and floaty. 

“Hm, kind of,” answered Yeonjun, staring at the omega closer. “Is that a bad or a good thing…?”  

“Good, I guess. He trusts us. And at least he won’t feel much pain in this state.” 

There was a light knock on the door, before it was opened from outside to reveal Beomgyu’s mother. She was in her apron—no doubt making this short trip to Beomgyu’s room in the middle of her work—carrying a thermos that she placed at the bedside table. She didn’t bother to sit so as to not disrupt the safe space Beomgyu had created in his nest. 

“Herbal tea that I brew myself. Get him to drink some later,” she told them.

“Hm, thanks mom,” replied Beomgyu, blinking his eyes open and smiling weakly at her.  

“It’s no big deal, love. First pregnancy is always tough, and you’re with twins too. This herbal tea is foolproof, not like some of those stuff you can easily find in the market. I’ll have all of your boyfriends learn how to make it so you can still have it whenever you need it back in the US.”

Beomgyu snorted softly, barely keeping his eyes open as he thumped his fist on Soobin’s chest lightly. “The other three maybe, but not Soobin hyung. This guy can’t make anything else but scrambled eggs with toast and tea.” 

“In my defense, I make the best scrambled eggs.”

“Yeah yeah, sure,” Yeonjun chimed in, half-heartedly agreeing with Soobin. 

It wasn’t long after Beomgyu’s mother left the room that Taehyun and Kai returned. Already undeniably scent-drunk, Beomgyu simply let them coax him to drink the herbal tea and some pills they bought from the pharmacy. Now with Kai and Taehyun back, he felt well at ease to finally get some rest and sleep. He didn’t even have enough willpower in him to do or say anything—becoming a sweet and pliant omega in his defenselessness, purring in contentment at the care his alphas and beta showered him with. The last thought he had before he succumbed to sleep was how safe and lucky he was that he had them.  

.

.

.

When he woke up next, he still felt like his head was in the clouds, all pleasant and floaty to dampen the sickness he was experiencing. But he also felt incredibly, inhumanly horny. 

Beomgyu pressed his legs together, cheeks warmed either from embarrassment or the indescribable heat concentrated in lower abdomen—he couldn’t really tell. This animalistic desire was no different to the heats he had experienced—just as intense, perhaps arguably more intense. If before Beomgyu would be satisfied with cumming either by their tongues or fingers, this time he knew he wanted to be fucked hard by a cock, wanted to be filled and plugged with cum inside him. He wanted to be knotted so badly the idea of it almost made him tear up. 

The curtain of his room was drawn. His room was washed with the purple and orange tint of the late afternoon sun. It was usually the time for them to have dinner. Beomgyu didn’t want dinner though. He was hungry, but in a specifically debauched, carnal way—a hunger to be used and overwhelmed, accompanied by an itching underneath his skin that he knew he couldn’t get rid of by himself.  

There was only Soobin on the bed with him now, dozing off with his scripts on his chest. With the way Beomgyu laid half of his weight on him, he probably couldn’t have left even if he wanted to. While Beomgyu was rather upset to find that the others were not there, the tingling in his gut and the craving to have a cock filling him up was bigger than anything else. 

“Soobin, wake up.”

“Hm, Beomgyu… What?” 

“Can we have sex?” 

“What?” he asked again, sounding more awake upon hearing Beomgyu’s request. Soobin rubbed his eyes, frowning in concern. “No, baby. You’re not well enough for that.” 

Beomgyu whined, frustrated but not giving up. He lifted his face up from where it’d been tucked at the crook of Soobin’s neck for hours. It didn’t matter that his wish would sound nonsensical—knowing full well that it was almost impossible for an alpha to form a knot outside of their rut cycle or in situations where they were someone’s heat partner.  

“Please, I want your knot.”

Soobin ran his fingers through Beomgyu’s hair, massaging the back of his head—his hair was getting longer these days, long enough for it to be tied into a small ponytail—and asked gently, “How are you feeling?” 

“Good enough. Can we have sex, please?” Beomgyu asked again, totally not desperate. 

“Are you sure? Is it fine… to do it with me first?” 

“It’s fine… You won’t be here with me much longer anyway. I’ll have all the time in the world to make it up with them,” said Beomgyu. 

His attempt at being casual about Soobin’s upcoming absence failed. The pout, the downcast gaze, the slight disappointment in his tone of voice—all clear indicators of him sulking. He loved all of his boyfriends of course, and they all had their own special places in his heart. But Soobin fulfilled his immediate emotional needs, the one who understood his most vulnerable self. Beomgyu would miss him.  

“Don’t make it sound as if I’m dying,” Soobin said. 

“You might be dying for real if you don’t move your ass and fuck me.”

“Is that the tone of someone who wants me to fuck him?”

Beomgyu whined, weaponizing his puppy eyes to get Soobin to give him what he wanted. “Hurry up, Soobin hyung. Oh my god, I don’t know why I’m feeling so horny.” 

“Probably all the pregnancy hormones,” answered Soobin, and finally— finally, thank god —snuck one hand under the fabric of Beomgyu’s t-shirt and hooked his arm around Beomgyu’s waist to pull him in closer, as if their proximity wasn’t already sufficient. 

The alpha’s touch on his bare skin was relieving though, grounding in a way that heightened his senses. Whatever foggy state his mind was in as a result of the sickness and excessive scenting almost dispersed completely to give way to this sharp awareness of sensation.  

“Touch me more,” Beomgyu said at the same time as Soobin started nuzzling his neck, teeth grazing the sensitive glands there, biting but never deep enough to mark him. 

The omega sighed and bare his neck enticingly, letting Soobin take the lead. Although this decision proved to be one that he regretted soon after, as Soobin had insisted on making him squirm from the attention he was giving to all of Beomgyu’s body parts. On occasions when he needed reassurance and love, he would appreciate Soobin’s attentiveness. But he was feeling too hot and bothered at the moment to take it slow, and he knew that Soobin was being purposefully obtuse by doing this, even if he didn’t have proof of it.  

His insides burned and tingled every time their lips connected, every time Soobin caressed his waist and squeezed his thighs and sucked marks on his skin—like waves upon waves of electric shocks were being released sporadically to appease his hunger. Except it didn’t work wonders on his appetite—this push and pull game Soobin was playing only brought him closer to annoyance. So good but so unsatisfying. 

Beomgyu, having worn his patience thin with Soobin’s slow and teasing pace, grabbed Soobin’s hand to stop the alpha from touching him and climbed on top of the alpha, thighs spread around his hip to cage him. He stared down at Soobin who seemed slightly flushed and shocked, not expecting Beomgyu to take charge of the situation. 

Soobin quickly recovered though, much to Beomgyu’s annoyance. 

“Oh what do we have here?” he said, with a raised brow and a cocky smirk. 

“I’ve had enough of your teasing. If you’re going not going to fuck me now , then I’m fucking myself on your cock,” Beomgyu breathed out, and gasped as his clothed ass made contact with Soobin’s dick. Purposefully, he scooted his ass a bit lower, so that now his pussy was rubbing against the alpha’s semi-hardness. He knew Soobin was massive, but he hadn’t remembered it as vividly until this moment came.

Beomgyu closed his eyes and bit his lower lip, feeling himself getting impossibly wetter at the thought of having Soobin’s cock inside him, stretching him and plugging him with cum. The friction between the fabric was already so good and Soobin wasn’t even fucking him yet. With the way his stomach was clenching like crazy with anticipation, he was surprised that he wasn’t already leaking slick through his panties and jogger. 

He peered down at Soobin from behind his long bangs, watching the alpha closely as he leaned down and pinned Soobin’s wrists on the pillow on top of his head with both hands. The difference in the size of their hands only served to remind him of how big Soobin was, of how much Soobin used to like to weaponize his size and strength against Beomgyu before. As much as the alpha liked that, though, Beomgyu knew that Soobin liked this just as much. 

Having Beomgyu pinned him down. To be at Beomgyu’s mercy. Pretending that a smaller omega like Boemgyu could overpower him. 

“So big and so useless. What’s even the point of it being this big when you’re not using it to fuck me properly?” the omega said as he rutted on the bulge in Soobin’s pants, as if making a point. 

Soobin groaned and bucked up his hip pathetically. “Fuck, I haven’t had someone talked down to me like this in a while. That’s so hot— You’re so hot.”

“Aren’t you lucky?” muttered Beomgyu, letting go of Soobin to tap on Soobin’s cheek lightly, before planting a sweet kiss there. And then another kiss at the tip of his nose, at his eyelids, at the corner of his mouth. This time it was his turn to smirk because Soobin definitely made an involuntary pleased noise at the back of his throat—a sort of rumbling-purring that endeared Boemgyu endlessly.

“I thought you wanted to fuck yourself on my cock. I didn’t expect you’d be this sweet about it…”

Beomgyu chuckled and sprawled over Soobin’s chest, tracing and flicking his thumb on Soobin’s clothed nipple. “A little romance never hurts… What, a big strong alpha like you cannot handle a bit of coddling from an omega?” 

Not giving Soobin the chance to reply, Beomgyu lifted his hip and fumbled with his jogger, taking it off unceremoniously. Now only in his panties, his often subtle scent of peach and fresh spring water bloomed sweeter in the air. He witnessed the moment it hit Soobin’s receptive nose—the way his pupils dilated, his hands twitching as they clutched at Beomgyu’s bare hip possessively.  

This, in turn, caused Soobin to let his pheromone leak out. A small whiff of it was enough to make a shiver run down Beomgyu’s spine. 

“Off. Off,”he said, pawing at Soobin’s waistband. 

With the alpha’s cock free of its confinement, the omega wrapped his palm around the length, stroking it until it became stiff and hard. Beomgyu then pulled aside his panties to swipe the tip at his pussy lips, collecting the sticky wetness he produced before he slowly sank down on it. Soobin was trying to be composed, saying something about not preparing Beomgyu for his dick, but he was spluttering too much to make any sense.  

It did hurt—fuck, it burned so good—but it was nothing Beomgyu couldn’t handle. Plus, all the slick his body was producing helped tremendously, though Soobin’s size was definitely not making the slide easier. He’d taken Soobin in him a long time ago, so he had an idea of the sheer magnificence of his build, yet it still overwhelmed him like a first time. Perhaps it was the effect of having a cock in him after months without one—let alone one this big. Only when he’d sit on Soobin’s dick almost entirely did he notice the drool pooling in his mouth. 

“My god, shit, you feel so good Beomgyu,” Soobin moaned, almost knocking his head on the headboard. “So wet… Are you in heat or something?” 

“Not in heat, stupid. Just really, really want you,” replied the omega, gasping for breath.  

Beomgyu steadied himself, body tense as he waited to get used to the feeling of having Soobin inside him. It was thick and filling him to the brim, but it was everything he needed and wanted. Instantly, that hunger in him was tamed somewhat, knowing that he would get to have Soobin as he desired. 

When he had gotten used to the stretch, Beomgyu started moving slowly. He kept at it for a bit, simply enjoying the feeling of being filled. Soobin was making it difficult for him though—because his cock was reaching everywhere and so deep inside Beomgyu, quickly overwhelming him. 

“So good. Breed me. Wanna have your baby,” the omega said, realizing too late that he was slurring his words, let alone what he actually said in the heat of the moment.

Soobin curled his hand at the back of his neck, bringing his face down so he could lick Beomgyu’s lips and suck his tongue. He kissed Beomgyu hard and swallowed the whimpers he made, his hip snapping upward to reach inside the omega deeper. At this point, Beomgyu wasn’t even riding him anymore, just bouncing on top of him with the force of the alpha’s plunge. 

Soobin broke the kiss to tease and bite Beomgyu’s ear. “I wish I could knot you. If you aren’t already pregnant, I’d make sure to fuck babies into you. Pup you up. You’d be so beautiful when you’re swelling with our children.” 

“Oh my god—” Beomgyu whispered breathily, his thighs trembling wildly around Soobin as a wave of tremor shook his body.

“You like that? Fuck, you’re tight—” 

This kind of talk used to make Beomgyu feel small and uncomfortable, even if it happened in the throes of his own heat or his partner’s rut. People said that the unspeakable desire to be bred and to give birth came hand in hand with an omega’s instinct. It was primal and primitive and irrational—a base and unavoidable part of omega biology that never failed to make an appearance when they were weak and drunk with arousal. There was some truth to it, and because of that, he didn’t take too kindly to it. Too many times in the past, he’d emerged sober in the afterglow of sex feeling nauseated and ashamed of himself. More than anything, though, the momentary slip of control happening was what he feared most and the hardest thing for him to deal with. 

But Beomgyu found it didn’t land in him the same way anymore. He didn’t feel as small and uncomfortable at the suggestion of it. Slightly jarring, maybe, but it didn’t unsettle him. Perhaps because he was already pregnant so the possibility was out of the question. Perhaps because he was gradually healing from a scar of the past. Perhaps because he was warming up to the love that all of his pack members were showing him, and wanting to return their affection in equal measure. It didn’t matter which one—or if all were true. 

There was something so liberating in accepting that all these conflicting emotions were his—that the mind was a place for both instincts and conscious thoughts existing together, and that neither of the two was lesser than the other. That some days he was less equipped to face the fear of what he was, and some days that very fear was transformed so beautifully into something more hopeful and gentler and kinder. 

Soobin’s breath was hot against Beomgyu’s damp skin. He poured his energy into fucking Beomgyu, holding the omega down so his thrusts remained precise and spot-on, never missing the sensitive bundle of nerves that caused pleased moans and cries to tumble out of Beomgyu’s pink lips.  

The omega joined their fingers together and guided Soobin’s hand to his stomach, where the soft swell of his pregnant belly was. Soobin sighed appreciatively and pressed his palm there, making the omega in Beomgyu preened shyly but proudly. If before one may have to squint and look hard to notice the bump, now it was apparent that it was there. Small. Cute—as Yeonjun and Kai liked to call it. 

“Such a good omega, don’t you? You’d be a wonderful mother. Couldn’t have been better. So perfect for me. For us .”

The way that Soobin told him this—so tender and so sincere, like Beomgyu truly was a good omega, the only one they ever needed and wanted—caused tears to sprung in his eyes. It was absurd—this heat that filled his chest and spread like gentle fire to his stomach. Instead of destruction, all it brought was a kind of warmth that he didn’t know he longed for. He could grow addicted to this feeling. Of being owned yet so free, scared yet so happy. 

“Please. Inside. Come inside,” the omega barely able to get the words out, keening as his orgasm was approaching fast and intense. 

“You close? Gonna come for me?”

Beomgyu nodded his head vigorously, clutching Soobin’s hand that was still on his tummy tightly.  

Soobin told him reassuring words—about how good he felt around Soobin, about how beautiful he was, about how Beomgyu was perfectly breedable and would give birth to the healthiest and prettiest babies. But it was when Soobin pressed open-mouthed kisses at the corner of his lips and told him that he loved him that the knot of pleasure in his belly finally snapped, bringing forth a mind-numbing orgasm that made his back arched and his eyes rolled back. 

The alpha helped him ride his high, watching every crease that formed on Beomgyu’s pleasured face, like he wished to immortalize it into his memory. Beomgyu was clenching and twitching around his dick as Soobin kept going, and it took only a couple more thrusts into the omega before he came too. He didn’t manage to form a knot, but he was cumming so much that Beomgyu was all but purring. 

When Soobin’s cock almost slipped out of his cunt, Beomgyu quickly grabbed and pushed it back inside to keep it there. Beomgyu rocked his hip a little and sighed as he dropped his entire weight on top of Soobin, satisfied with being plugged with the alpha’s warm cum in his belly. At least he could pretend he was knotted.  

It’d be even better if he could have Yeonjun and Taehyun and Kai’s too, Beomgyu thought. He’d be so full then. Their cum would leak out and wet his thighs, and he’d be so fucked out by the end that nothing else mattered. His body probably couldn’t handle all of them together at the same time right now—not when he was pregnant and one round of sex with Soobin already tired him out more than it did before—but the thought of it was nice. He’d make sure to take them all in him one day, when he wasn’t as physically and mentally fragile.  

That was awfully greedy of him, wasn’t it? Was he allowed to be this needy? 

“Satisfied?” asked the alpha, poking him on the cheek. 

Beomgyu hummed and started patting Soobin’s head idly, chuckling when Soobin leaned into the touch like an affectionate cat.  

“You were amazing, but now I can’t help but think…”

“About the others?” suggested Soobin, as if reading his mind. 

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Beomgyu asked, nudging his head against Soobin’s temple. 

“A little. But jealousy does happen when you’re in a pack. Sometimes you favor one more than the others—like Taehyun does with Kai, or Yeonjun with Taehyun. It’s all harmless though, as long as everyone in the pack communicates well with each other.”  

“So you just admitted that you favor me…”

“Don’t be cheeky with me.”  

“You like my cheekiness,” said Beomgyu, to which Soobin didn’t deny. 

Soon, when the others returned and found them intertwining with the smell of sex and their pheromones mixing lingered in the air, they were more shocked and scandalized than anything else. Kai and Yeonjun had exaggeratedly complained about being excluded and not chosen, while Taehyun, whose nature as a beta was led to not find this ‘mixing’ between them as attractive, had commented about how nasty they were as he opened the window to let in fresh air. 

As promised, Beomgyu told them that he’d make it up to them later, and even joked that he was looking forward to Soobin’s impending absence so he could finally spend time with them without being deterred by Soobin’s obsessiveness with him.  

.

.

.

“He chucked it to my face, saying he doesn’t need it,” Beomgyu heard Yeonjun say from outside of his room where the door was left slightly ajar. 

He swallowed the saliva he could feel starting to pool in his mouth, in hope of reducing the nausea and stalling the need to throw up for now. He’d just returned from the toilet ten minutes ago, and he’d rather not make another trip so soon after he’d just gotten in his nest. 

“Your scent and the others’ are irritating him right now. It happens sometimes—that a pregnant omega gets territorial even towards their partner.”

“Will he be okay though? Usually when he’s feeling sick like this, he always needs scenting…” it was Soobin’s voice this time.

“Oh don’t worry. Like I said, it happens sometimes. Once it passes, he’ll want your attention again. I’ll look after him for now.” 

There were more muffled exchanges between his mother and Soobin and Yeonjun, though at this point, Beomgyu had stopped paying attention. A few moments later, his mother entered the room with a plate of strawberries and cut-up green apples. 

“My dear, you’re feeling poorly, aren’t you?” his mother began softly, careful not to touch anything on his bed or the clothes he’d thrown on the floor. 

In the past hours, Beomgyu had painstakingly built his nest anew. From changing the bedsheet and the blankets, to discarding all the clothes and plushies that carried the scents of his partners from the day before. He knew that he often liked having traces of them with him in his nest—reminding him that they were his—but at the moment, having Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun and Kai’s scents mixing together only overwhelmed him. Like standing in an enclosed room full of lights and echoing noises. Too bright, too loud. Too much.  

His body was at war with his desire. Beomgyu wished to be soothed of all his pain and discomfort, but even the thought of their scents that always used to give him a peace of mind induced in him the very opposite effect. His nest was absent of his pack members’ presence, which had felt so wrong after continuous exposure to their pheromones in the past months. Heck, he craved them so much just yesterday . He wanted them, but he was also aware that this would plunge his body into flurries of sensations that wouldn’t be so pleasant. 

“Was it like this too, when you were pregnant with me?” Beomgyu asked, sitting up on the bed to eat the fruits his mom brought for him. The sourness worked wonders on his queasiness. 

His mother laughed softly. “Indeed it was. People say that the first trimester is usually the worst, but I suffered almost throughout my entire pregnancy when I was with you. Haneul was a much gentler baby.”

“It’s probably what I deserve for making you go through a hard time…”

She smiled and pushed his bangs aside to look him in the eyes. “I wouldn’t wish that on you. Despite how bad you’re feeling right now, you’ll be fine. You’ll be amazed at what our bodies can withstand and are capable of—pregnancy and birth. The way we stretch and we bend.” 

“Well, that sounds lovely. ”  

“It is lovely as it is scary, but it’s worth fighting for.”

“This is gonna sound weird, but is there a reason why you had me, mom? Or Haneul?” 

His mother stopped patting his head to consider this question. 

“I used to think that it’s what was expected of me, that I was doing a favor to your dad and to you. I also used to think that having a family—my own spouse and children—is what life is all about. In a way it is, because I learned so much joy I didn’t get anywhere else by being a wife and a mother, you know,” she paused, but she didn’t seem done. 

“So, to answer your question, I suppose there are reasons, though none of them is selfless. You could ask any mother out there, and the reasons they would give you are something like ‘I want a mini version of me and my spouse’ , ‘I want to see my children grow up well and be successful’, ‘I want my children to live my dreams’, ‘I want my children to look after me when I’m older’, ‘Having children is making me happy and giving me a purpose in life’. These wishes—they are all selfish. I’m not even going to debate about what’s right or wrong, but I think it’s very important that parents know and understand that having children is never selfless. It will humble them, the same way it did when I had this realization. ”  

Beomgyu opened his mouth to say something, but found himself speechless. He didn’t know that his mother had all these thoughts. There was something precious about her vulnerability, about her admittance of what it meant to be a mother. Perhaps all his life, he didn’t know his mother at all. Perhaps all his life, he was led to believe that his mother had been someone simple, someone whose existence had been defined by her role and situation.   

“Children are wonderful because we want them. You and Haneul are my life’s greatest joy. Having both of you is a happiness that I chose for myself ,” she said. 

“Thank you, mom. I love you,” Beomgyu said softly, meaning every word he said. 

“I love you too. Your flight back is tomorrow, right? I will leave you to rest.” 

Once she had left, Beomgyu finished up the rest of the strawberries and the green apples, grateful that they were helpful in cleaning up the lingering aftertaste of vomit in his mouth. The light cramp was manageable and less annoying. At least he could just bundle up and nurse it, and not rush off to the toilet every half an hour to puke. 

“Beomgyu hyung, can I come in?”  

“Come in, Kai-ya.” 

“It’s really okay…?”

“Yes.”

“I heard from Soobin and Yeonjun hyung that you threw stuff at them,” Kai said as he entered the room, settling on the floor by the bed without entering his nest. 

“Were they mad?” asked Beomgyu, finding that he could withstand Kai’s presence better than he did Yeonjun and Soobin. His immediate response to Kai being not kicking him out of the room was good enough. 

“No. They were a bit surprised, that’s all.” 

There was a gentle whiff of coffee and sea salt on him—sharp and bitter and fresh. That reminded Beomgyu… he hadn’t seen Taehyun at all that day. But he hadn’t seen Kai either, not until just now.

Beomgyu leaned into the younger alpha’s touch as if it were an oasis in a desert, seeking for Taehyun’s scent he could find on Kai more, though shortly after he had to pull away when Kai’s citrus and milk became increasingly domineering, stifling the beta’s faint scent clinging on him. He whined softly, pressing his hand on his aching abdomen and curled into himself. 

Kai sighed and gave him room, sensing that his presence was causing the omega more distress than comfort.

“Sorry…” 

“It’s fine, hyung. Is there anything we can do to help at all?” the younger asked. 

Beomgyu wanted Taehyun. 

The conversation he had with Taehyun the other day resurfaced. Enough time had passed since for him to reflect on the exchange. Beomgyu couldn’t say that he thought himself was wrong or to be blamed, but he did regret some of the things he’d said to Taehyun. And Beomgyu thought it was true after all, once he put himself in Taehyun’s shoes—that being the only beta in a pack of alphas and an omega who were driven by their base instincts would have alienated him somehow, in ways that none of them could have understood. 

Perhaps that was the root of most of their disagreements and terse interactions—these differing perspectives of themselves, of their understanding and expectations of what it meant to be in the pack. Beomgyu wondered what he could do to be on the same wavelength as Taehyun, like Taehyun was at present with the rest. 

Now, Beomgyu wanted him, and the omega couldn’t tell whether the feeling came from the fact that his weak scent of coffee and sea salt was not overwhelming him like the alphas’ did, or if he was feeling guilty for being harsh about his judgment of his character. 

“Taehyun. Can you get Taehyun for me?”