Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Ed? Are you hungry, baby?”

The lump under the cover grunted. Stede sighed, and gently caressed what he assumed was Ed’s hair.

“Have you eaten anything since yesterday?”

A tired face appeared from under the duvet. Exhausted, glossy eyes looked at his guiltily.

“Tried. But ‘kept throwing up.”

“Oh, Ed…”

“S’fine, Stede… just… need to rest.”

“Can you let me take your temperature at least? Please? I’m getting worried.”

Ed shrugged, and accepted the thermometer into his mouth.

He’s been sick for a few days, and Stede was starting to think it won’t go away on his own. But knowing Ed’s stubbornness when it came to medical stuff, he didn’t know what to do about it.

He tried to call Izzy to come help take care of Ed, but he always kept his phone turned off while at work.

“Fuck… it went up. Ed, we can’t pretend it’s nothing now.”

“Let it go, Stede…”

“No, I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Stede expected reluctance, of course. But the look of panic into his lover’s eyes broke Stede’s heart.

“Please, no. No, no, no. I’m fine, I’m sorry, I’m gonna eat-”

“Ed, calm down-”

“I’ll be good, I promise, just- please don’t take me there!”

“Breathe, Ed, you’re panicking! You’re gonna be okay, listen to me-”

Ed was frantically trembling now. His feverish eyes were beginning to tear up. Stede tried his best to keep a calming voice, afraid to startle him.

“You’re very sick, baby. I’m very worried about you. I promise I will stay with you the whole time, okay? I won’t let anything bad happen to you. But I can’t let you get sicker. You understand?”

“No, no, no, I don’t need to! I- Please , I don’t wanna-”

Ed started to rock himself. Stede felt so bad to cause him so much stress, even if it was for his own good. He tentatively took the trembling man in his arms, hugging him close.

“What can I do to make it easier for you?”

“Don’t wanna go!”

“We can bring some comfort items if you want? To help you focus on something else?”

After a few seconds of silence, Ed answered.

“Wanna… wanna take Jeff.”

Suddenly, something clicked in Stede’s head. Ed was asking for his stuffed octopus.

He was regressing.

Stede tried not to show his anxiety at the idea of taking his sick, traumatized and now regressed boyfriend to the hospital, and quickly got into his caregiver mindset.

“Of course, Eddie. We can take Jeff. He’ll help you feel better, isn’t that right?”

“And- and Scarlet…”

“Jeff and Scarlet. Okay baby. I’m gonna go grab them, okay?”

Eddie nodded, sniffing and still crying but looking calmed down for now.

Stede prepared a backpack, helped Ed dress up, and then drove him to the hospital.

—

Arriving in front of the building revived Ed’s panic. He wouldn’t get out of the car, crying uncontrollably and hyperventilating.

“I’m here, Eddie. You’re safe. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”

Stede hoped by repeating it over and over, Ed would end up believing it. But for now, the fear was too strong.

“Big breath, Eddie. Do you remember how to do it? You inhale through your nose… and take a biiiig exhale through your mouth. Can you do that, baby?”

Ed shakily nodded, and tried a few time

“Good job! Let’s do it one more time, okay?”

Once his breathing was under control, Ed looked beyond tired. He chewed on the edge of Scarlet, his childhood toy that was basically just a square of red fabric.

“Can you tell Stede what is making you so scared, baby?”

Ed was staring at the hospital intensely, like it would attack him if he took his eyes off it.

“Doctors are gonna hurt me…”

“The doctors are here to heal you, baby. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“‘Don’t listen when I tell them it hurts… didn’t believe me…”

Stede knew vaguely about Ed’s medical trauma. He knew he was left with chronic pain in his knee, after an injury caused by his dad that didn’t heal properly and a failed surgery.

“They will listen now. I will be here, baby. Nobody will let you be in pain as long as I’m here.”

Ed squeezed Stede’s hand hard, and took a last shaky breath before opening the car door.

—

When registering for Ed at the ER, Stede insisted on the fact that Ed had medical phobia and severe anxiety. He hoped the doctor would be patient, but he was ready to go full mama-bear if he thought Ed didn’t feel safe.

He tried to call Izzy again, but it went straight to voicemail. Stede sighed. He knew that Ed would feel a lot better with both of his partners here with him…

Right now, Ed was holding his arms along with his toys. He could feel the heat from his fever, and gently brushed the hair off his clammy forehead to kiss it.

They never talked about how to act if Ed started regressing in public. Stede hoped Ed wouldn’t be embarrassed.

“Mister Teach?”

Ed whined, hiding his head in Stede’s chest.

“Come on baby, it’s our turn.”

“I’m scared…”

“I’m right here, you’ll be alright. I promise”.

Ed reluctantly followed Stede to the exam room.

The nurse told him to sit on the medical table, which Ed really didn’t want to. His heart was beating so fast. It was starting, and he really, really didn’t want to be here.

But Stede was right beside him, still holding his hand and rubbing his back. So he decided to be brave and to obey.

He sat on the table, not letting go of his toys or Stede’s hand. He needed all the support he could get.

“Good job, baby.”

The nurse asked Ed a lot of questions about his medical history. Luckily for him, Stede could answer almost everything for him. Right now, his brain felt like couscous and his heart was beating so loud in his ears that he couldn’t focus on her words very well.

She then informed them that the doctor was gonna be here very soon, which made Ed tense.

“Stede…”

“You’re okay, little one. He’ll just examine you…”

“I… I can’t do this… I wanna go home, I want Izzy…”

Stede felt heartbroken for his Eddie, but the door opened before he could answer.

“Hello Mister Teach.”

His eyes on the floor, Ed shily answered.

“Hi…”

“You can call me Roach, I’ll be the one taking care of you today.”

The doctor turned to Stede.

“And you are…?”

“Stede Bonnet, Edward’s partner! You must’ve been informed that he has really bad medical anxiety… I’m here for moral support.”

“Alright, nice to meet you both. So, you’re here for flu-like symptoms?”

“Yes, he had a fever for a couple of days and it went up this morning. He also can’t keep food or water down, I think he threw up everything he ate since yesterday…”

Roach nodded.

“That’s a good thing you came here. Sounds like it must feel awful.”

He turned to look at Ed.

“Alright Mister Teach… can I call you Edward?”

Ed wasn’t expecting to be addressed directly, and anxiously answered.

“Uh… I’m-I’m Ed.”

“Okay Ed. I’m gonna need to examine you now. Can you tell me what I can do to make things easier?”

Ed looked at Stede, panicked.

“He wants to know what scares you, baby. So he can make sure you’re more comfortable.”

This was a really hard question. What would make Ed more comfortable would be to be in his room, with Izzy and Stede by his side, and not stuck in here with this disgusting medicine smell-

He looked at Stede again, hoping he could help.

“Sorry, it’s hard for him to answer. Maybe try to go slow, and explain what you’re doing?”

Ed nodded, approving Stede’s answer.

“Of course. Let me know if anything is uncomfortable, okay?”

Everything was uncomfortable. Roach was really gentle, but even with the warning and with his approval, Ed still flinched every time Roach had to touch him.

Stede had to remind him to do his breathing thing, but it was hard to focus.

Roach squeezed his arm with one of his tools, checked his sore throat, and took his temperature.

Suddenly, loud music made Ed jump.

“Sorry! Sorry, it’s my phone- I need to answer that, it’s Izzy!”

Ed looked at Stede, worryingly. He wanted him to answer, so Izzy could come. But he wanted Stede to stay here with him, he didn’t want to be alone with the scary doctors…

“Be quick, I’ll wait before continuing the exam,” said Roach.

Stede kissed Ed’s forehead.

“It’ll be just a minute, I’m sorry. Jeff and Scarlet are here with you, okay?”

—

When Izzy turned his phone on and saw all the missed calls for Stede, the anxiety started to surface.

He didn’t acknowledge any of his coworkers telling him goodbye, too busy thinking about nightmare scenarios as he dialed Stede’s number and waited for him to pick up.

“Izzy! Oh thank god-“

“What happened?? Is Ed okay? Are you okay??”

“Izzy, calm down, it’s fine. We’re at the hospital-“

“WHAT?”

“Please, listen- his fever went up, I got worried. But he’ll be fine. Right now, he’s just really anxious, and he’s in his small headspace-“

“He’s WHAT?? Stede, what hospital are you at?”

“I’m sending you the address, but please, you’re getting worked up. I promise you it’s gonna be fine.”

Izzy didn’t believe it. How could it be fine?

He has known Ed for decades, he saw him getting sick and injured, sometimes really badly. He never let anyone take him to the hospital.

Izzy still remembers the sheer panic in Ed’s eyes if he mentions it. There’s no way Ed was fine right now.

He rushed to the bus, needing to get to his partners as quickly as he could.

—-

Stede was so fucking stupid.

How could he let Ed alone in a hospital, even for a few seconds?

As soon as his phone call was over, he came back to the exam room to Ed crying loudly.

He was curled up in a ball, chewing on Scarlet and hugging on Jeff.

“Oh, my baby!”

Stede rushed to hug him tight, he kissed his hair and caressed his back.

“I’m here, I’m so so sorry. I’m here, it’s okay…”

He didn’t even worry about what Roach must think of them right now. He felt so guilty for his poor Ed.

“Do you need a minute?” Asked Roach.

Stede looked at Ed, who seemed to have calmed down now that he was back in the room.

“I think we’re good. I’m sorry about that…”

“Don’t worry about it. So, I’m gonna tell you what’s gonna happen.”

Ed hid his face in Stede’s chest.

“Since he’s not keeping food and water down, we’ll need to keep on IV fluids for the night. I’ll also give an antibiotic injection for the fever. If everything goes well, he’ll be able to go home in the morning.”

Ed’s heart skipped a beat.

He felt foggy and weird, but he understood two things very clearly:

They are gonna give him shots, and he’s staying the night.

Before Stede could even say anything, Ed bolted out of the room.

Chapter Text

Izzy arrived at the right hospital entrance, and was about to call Stede when he saw Ed.

He was crying and running toward the exit. Well, running as well as he could, because he was limping quite heavily.

“Ed!”

He stopped, and turned to Izzy.

“Izzy!!”

Izzy hurried to his side, supporting him.

Everyone was looking at them, and he felt his heart racing.

“What are you doing, Eddie? Where’s Stede?”

“Iz, wanna go home now… please, I can’t- just-“

“Calm down love, you’re gonna be okay. Let’s find Stede, okay?”

Ed shook his head, panicked.

“Can’t. Can’t. He’s with the doctor… let’s just go home now please .”

“You’re gonna be okay Ed. Ok, let’s sit down, you’re trembling…”

He guided Ed to one of the benches in the waiting area.

“Ed! Oh- Izzy! You’re here, thank god -“

Ed tensed, but Izzy kept his hands on his shoulders. Both to reassure him, and also in case he decided to run again…

“Why the fuck was he trying to go home?”

Stede sighed.

“He panicked when the doctor talked about the treatment. Please Ed, come back, we’ll discuss it together, okay?”

Ed shook his head.

“Come on Eddie, we’re here with you. Nothing bad will happen.”

Ed still wasn’t convinced. Izzy kissed his head gently.

“I don’t like hospitals too, bud. I know it’s not fun. I wouldn’t make you do this if I didn’t think it would help you. You need to trust us, okay?”

That made Ed feel guilty. Izzy also had his share of medical baggage…

He took care of Izzy as he recovered from a leg amputation, a few years back. And there he was, Ed Teach, crying for a few needles…

Ed’s heart was racing. He didn’t want to go back, he was so scared… but Izzy helped him walk, and Stede took his hand.

—

Roach guided them to the room Ed will be staying that night.

He didn’t seem mad at him for running, but Ed still felt really embarrassed.

Izzy asked for a wheelchair to take him to the room, which Ed thought was silly. He could walk! It just hurts, but he could…

Stede and Izzy helped him to put on the hospital robe. It wasn’t comfortable and made him feel so much more vulnerable…

He laid on the bed, his anxiety still really high.

“Okay Ed, I’m gonna put this patch on your arm, okay? It’ll numb the zone, so you won’t feel the shot later.”

Ed didn’t like to be reminded about the shot, but he gave his arm to the doctor. He didn’t know they made patches to help the pain. Where were these things when he was younger and had panic attacks at every vaccines?

“Good job. We’ll let it work for an hour. In the meantime, let’s put the IV in so we won’t have to worry about it later.”

Ed curled closer to Stede and Izzy, whining. Stede took his hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb. Izzy brushed Ed’s hair with his fingers, scraping gently at his scalp.

“You’re okay, darling. It’ll be really quick.”

“You’ll feel better after that. You just need to be brave for a few seconds.”

Ed cried loudly. He didn’t want to be brave…

He closed his eyes, chewed on his favorite corner of Scarlet, and took a big shaky breath.

“Can you make a tight fist for me?”

He obeyed, shaking like a leaf.

“Good job, baby,” Praised Stede. He also kissed the hand he was holding.

“I’m putting the tourniquet on now.”

He felt something tight around his arm. No, no, no …

“Do you want me to tell you when I’m putting the needle in? Or just do it?”

That was such a big question. Ed felt overwhelmed and cried louder. He didn’t want any needles at all…

“Do you remember the pirate song, bud?” Asked Izzy.

Ed nodded.

“I forgot the lyrics. Can you help me?”

Something cold wiped the inside of Ed's elbow. He whined again.

“ One eyed Jack, the pirate chief… ” sung Izzy.

Ed tried to focus on Izzy’s voice, remembering the lyrics.

“Was- was a terrible, fearsome ocean thief. ”

“ He wore a peg upon one leg; ” continued Izzy.

“ He wore a hook and a dirty look! ”

Ed felt something sting in the crook of his elbow. He started to panic, but Izzy kept caressing his hair and sang the next part of the song.

“ One eyed Jack, the pirate chief… ”

Ed's cries calmed down, and the sting was gone. He felt Roach putting a bandage on.

“ ...Was a terrible, fearsome ocean thief…. ”

“Well done, Eddie.”

He looked at his arm. The tube has been placed into his vein… it felt weird. But it didn’t hurt now. Still, Ed shivered and covered the arm with the blanket so he didn’t have to see it. It grossed him out…

“The worst part is over. The IV is set, I’ll be back in an hour for the shot.”

Ed sighed as Roach left, glad to have a short break.

“You did amazing, my baby! I’m so proud!” Smiled Stede.

“Mmh… was scary.”

“My poor boy… just rest now, okay?”

Ed nodded, and closed his eyes. The hospital's lights were bright, and his head felt like cotton.

—

“You’re so good at this, Izzy.”

“Huh?”

“You calmed him down so well earlier! I was panicking, but you… you just knew instantly what to do!”

Izzy hummed, his hand playing with a sleeping Ed’s hair.

“...Izzy…?”

“Mh…?”

“Are- are you feeling alright?”

Stede was starting to worry.

“... Yeah…”

“... Ed is gonna be okay, you know that?”

Izzy didn’t shift his gaze from Ed. Slowly, he started to bite on his finger.

“Should… should’ve take care ‘f him better… ‘s my fault…”

“What? Izzy, of course it’s not your fault! People gets sick, it’s just life-”

“No, iss… iss my job, I shoulda… I shoulda…”

Izzy started to rock back in force in his chair. His anxious speech was starting to sound like…

“... Oh dear. Izzy? Are you feeling… small too?”

He looked at Stede, shocked.

“No! No, ‘m not. Hafta… hafta care for Eddie…”

“Okay, baby, breathe… you’re okay…”

Stede gently took Izzy in his arms. He tried his best not to let his anxiety show.

It was fine.

Nothing to worry about.

His two boys were feeling small, they were in a hospital, they were both freaking out, it was fine-

“Mmmh…”

Ed slowly opened his eyes.

“Iz? what’s wrong?”

Izzy sniffed and turned to face Ed.

“M fine…”

“You’re crying?”

“Juss… tired…”

There was a knock, and the door opened before Ed could ask anymore questions.

“Did I wake you up?” Asked Roach.

Ed’s heart was accelerating as he saw the doctor and remembered why he was here.

“No…”

“Okay, good. Are you feeling any better yet? Having some fluids in your system?”

It was hard to tell because of all the anxiety, so Ed shrugged.

“Alright. Let’s get this over with, okay? I’m gonna give you the shot and then you can go back to sleep.”

Ed whimpered, and looked at Stede and Izzy with pleading eyes.

“You’re numb, baby. You won’t feel it, and it’ll be really quick,” reassured Stede.

Roach sat beside him, gesturing to the patch.

“I'm gonna take it off, okay?”

“Don’t want the shot…”

“I know you don’t, baby, I’m sorry. It’s gonna be just for a second, I promise,” said Stede. “Let the doctor take off the patch first.”

Roach took off the patch, wiped Ed’s shoulder with something cold.

“M scared…” whispered Ed, looking at his partners.

Izzy kissed Ed’s hair.

“Iss okay, Eddie. Iss not gonna hu’t.”

Ed looked at Izzy, surprised.

“Iz…?”

Izzy blushed. Ed obviously noticed something was off…

“Wanna… uh, wanna sing?” he answered, looking embarrassed.

“Uh.. yes, please.”

Izzy looked at Stede, silently asking him to help.

“Oh! Uh… let’s see… okay, I have one. Sing with me, both of you, okay?”

They nodded. Izzy was relieved that Stede came to the rescue.

“I have a little sailboat and I'm going to sea,”

“I'll follow all the seagulls 'till there's no one there but me.”

Roach uncapped his syringe while they sang.

“ I'll sail into the sun 'till I run out of blue,”

Ed held his plushie closer.

“Then I'll turn my sailboat and I'll come home to you.”

Ed didn’t even react when Roach jabbed the needle in.

“Lullaby, lullaby, lullaby, lullaby. I'm going to be a sailor, the whole world I'll explore.”

“Good job, Ed,” said Roach.

Ed turned to the doctor, and looked at his arm. He now had a shark themed bandaid on.

“... That’s it…?”

“That’s it. You’re all done with the needles, buddy. You can go back to sleep.”

“Really?”

Ed was hesitant to celebrate. It felt like a trick. Needles were supposed to hurt, doctors who say it won’t hurt were always liars.

“Thank you so much, Roach.”

“No problem. Just press the button if you need anything. Now, take care of these guys, they look pretty tired.”

Stede looked at Izzy and Ed. They did look exhausted.

Roach left the room, but Ed was still tense.

“Are you okay, Ed?”

“Yeah…”

“It was scary, wasn’t it, my little love? But you were so, so brave. I’m proud of you.”

Ed sighed, and let himself relax on his pillow.

“What about you, Iz?”

“Mh?”

“If you’re feeling too tired, I can call Jack, tell him to get you home and take care of you. You don’t have to stay if -”

“ No! Stayin’ with Eddie.”

Stede kissed his head. Of course he expected that answer.

“Iz…”

Ed reached his arm and made a grabbing motion with his hand.

“Come cuddle with me, Iz…”

Izzy looked at Stede, silently asking for permission.

“You can go, little one. Just be mindful of his arm.”

Stede helped Izzy join him in the bed, and they hugged tightly. Izzy was very careful not to touch the IV.

“Love you, Iz. Love you, Stede. Thank you for being here.”

“I love you too, my bravest boy. Now, get some rest. You need to heal, baby.”

“Love you, Eddie…”

Stede smiled, and kissed both of his boys on the cheek.

Tomorrow, Ed’s fever will be down, and he’ll feel better.

They would take Ed’s prescription, and then go home.

Stede would probably let Ed and Izzy watch cartoons all day, and spoil them to whatever they want to eat.

But for now, he watched their sleeping faces slowly relax and hummed another song.