Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I didn't think you'd understand me
How could you ever even try?
I don't wanna tiptoe, but I don't wanna hide

Buck considered himself a good friend. Was he perfect? Definitely not, but he tried. He was there for his friends whenever they needed him. He kept secrets for his sister; he would’ve taken a bullet for Eddie so Chris wouldn’t have to live without his father; he got on a ladder and took a lightning strike to the chest when it was meant to be Chimney up there; he was there for Eddie when things got messed up, and he tried to make Chris stay, but he was also there for Chris and, well, he couldn’t really blame the kid.

Bottom line: Buck was a good friend. He had his flaws, but more often than not, he thought the good outweighed the bad.

This is why, right now, he’s sitting at Eddie’s dinner table, eating take out food because no matter how much time passes, Eddie still can’t cook for shit, next to the person he started to see as his enemy number one: Tommy Kinard.

At first, he thought the guy was cool: he was in the army, he was a pilot, he flew them to the middle of a hurricane, landed on a capsized cruise ship and helped them save Bobby and Athena. He was nice, confident, funny, hot as fuck, and maybe he was the one who made Buck realize he is bisexual. Until he learned what a jerk the guy could be.

He never told this to Eddie, of course, how could he? When his best friend was so excited to finally have someone to share some of his hobbies: Muay Thai, old cars, MMA, army story. No, Eddie – and Chris – thought Tommy was cool, so Buck obviously wouldn’t be the one to break the fantasy and tell them how much the guy was a jerk to him in the past.

It's an awkward silence, as it always is whenever Buck and Tommy share a room. It has been this way for a year now and no matter how hard Eddie tries, neither of them think this is going to change anytime soon. They make polite conversation only if they are forced to, other than that, they have Eddie to be their buffer and fill in the silence they create. Sure enough, Buck always makes sure to find out if the pilot is going to be present whenever Eddie invites him for something, so he can think of an excuse to not go – and he’s pretty sure Tommy does the same sometimes. But today was different, today Eddie didn’t give them an option. He made it very clear that he had something important to tell them and wanted it to happen at the same time.

“So…” Buck cuts the silence, after finishing his serving, pondering if he’s going for more or if he’s sticking to this and wait until he’s home, where Anthony was baking a pretty nice cake. “Gonna share what this is all about?”

“You’re dying to leave, aren’t you?” Eddie asks, huffing a laugh. “Your boy waiting for you at home?”

“He was baking a cake that smelled deliciously when I left.” Buck confides, ignoring the way Tommy looks at him when Eddie mentions his new… situationship. They are not on dating terms yet, but they have been together for a couple of months now, so maybe in a couple of weeks things could become more official. Or so he hoped.

“Can’t stand in the way of you and your cakes,” Eddie says and Buck flushes a little. He still feels Tommy’s gaze on him and keeps on ignoring. The man probably didn’t know about Buck’s newfound sexuality status, especially because he didn’t owe the pilot anything, despite him being his bisexual awakening. He didn’t want to be a part of it, so obviously Buck never mentioned anything, and he doubted Eddie ever did either. “Ok!” Eddie tells, clapping his hands and looking at the both of them. “I know you’re both dying to get away from each other’s presence, so I’ll get right into it…”

“Hey, man, you know we’re here for you.” Tommy says, taking the words right out of Buck’s mouth.

“I know, it’s nothing serious,” Eddie assures both of them. Things had started to feel good for the past couple of months, with Chris back, Eddie taking therapy seriously and even feeling confident to start dating again. “But, outside Chris and Vanessa, you’re the most important people in my life. My best friends.” The man says. Buck tries really hard to ignore the little green monster. Eddie is allowed to have more than one friend, he thinks to himself, even though that other friend is Tommy Kinard. Eddie takes a deep breath and looks at the both of them. Buck and Tommy just wait. “I proposed to Vanessa. And she said yes.”

“Eddie, that’s great, man!” Buck tells him, standing up so he can pull his best friend to a tight hug before Tommy. It’s silly and childish, but he doesn’t care. “You two are so good for each other!”

“Congratulations, buddy,” Tommy says once Buck finally let go of him, and he watches as the pilot hugs his best friend, totally ignoring the way his stomach twists inside of him.

Buck remembers the first time Eddie mentioned Vanessa. She was sort of a blind date their tías had arranged for them. They both hated it, but went along and created a random story to explain to the women why they didn’t work out. But then, after the entire Marisol and Kim fiasco, Chris leaving, Eddie starting to focus on himself, during a call they ran into each other again. Both still very single, both still finding ways to escape their tías meddling, and this time more at ease with each other. Once their job was done, Eddie went back to check on her, and asked her out… And now there they were.

“You’ll never hear the end of it from your aunts,” Buck points it out, genuinely happy for his friend.

Vanessa was nice. Chris adored her, and she helped father and son reconnect in ways not even Buck managed to. She had a good sense of humor; she understood the job and his role as a father. And, more importantly, she loved Eddie like no one else ever did before. She cared for him. She wasn’t in it trying to be a new mom for Christopher, she came in for Eddie and stayed for the long haul. They were about to move in together, in a new place they found and bought together.

“Tell me about it,” Eddie agreed to him. “That’s not all, though.”

“She’s not pregnant, is she?” Buck asks, alarmed.

“No, of course not,” Eddie tells him. He takes a look at the both of them, and it’s the first time Buck notices how nervous he is. It’s the first time Buck worries if the hostility between him and Tommy is an issue – of course it is. He can’t remember the last time his best friend was so uncomfortable. “I…”

“What is it?” Buck asks, nudging him a little. Offering what he hopes is a comforting smile.

“I wanted to ask both of you to be my best men.” Eddie says it all at once and it takes a minute for both Buck and Tommy to process it.

For the second time since he got here, Buck looks at the pilot and notices him looking right back. Any other circumstance, he would be thrilled to be a best man – hell, he still is – but he hates that he has to share the title with Tommy. But, more than that, he hates the look Eddie has, of someone who’s already expecting to be rejected. Buck remembers himself this isn’t about him or Tommy, it’s about Eddie. His big day. His big step. He never had a moment like this before.

He and Shannon rushed to get married because she was pregnant. Eddie never had the whole engaged experience, planning for a ceremony, having friends to stay by his side at the altar, helping him through every step, putting sense into his head whenever he had any doubts. He looks at Tommy and figures the man is probably thinking the same thing. They both seem to have a silent conversation, and they both nod. The smile Buck offers his best friend is not fake, it’s open and honest as he tells him.

“Of course, man,” he pulls him in once again for a hug. “It’d be an honor.”

“Likewise,” Tommy agrees once they pull apart, resting his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Like I said, we’re here for you.”

“It’s going to be incredible!” Buck tells his best friend.

~ * ~

We can't be friends
But I'd like to just pretend

“It’s terrible.”

Buck says one night, after spending the entire day following Eddie and Vanessa, alongside Tommy and her maids of honor – her sister and her best friend – as they took care of some things for the wedding. They decided to rush a little, and to do it in Texas, where most of their family lived. Since they were quite old and the trip to Los Angeles would be tiring on them, it was easier for them to just travel there and have the wedding over where they grew up. It didn’t mean they didn’t have a lot to do.

They saw outfits, they looked at wedding invitations – weren’t everything online at this point already, Buck questioned himself as he stared at all different but equal types of fonts. They talked to bands and DJs, they looked at flower arrangements – apparently there was a flower shop from Texas who had recently opened a store in LA, and they could arrange for whatever it was decided here, to be passed on to the Texas store.

Buck really tried to be supportive, he had done his research, he had his to do list, the clipboard was left at home by the groom’s demand, but Buck was on business. He didn’t expect Tommy Kinard to be on as much business as he was. At this point, it was a wonder that Eddie hadn’t fired both of them of their duties, or just decided to make things easier for them and split their obligations. But no, his friend was adamant they should do everything together – even though splitting meant covering more ground and dealing with everything faster, considering the tight deadline they had.

“He questioned everything I said. He found a problem in every single one of my opinions and suggestions. Like he’s the big wedding expert.” Buck keeps going, waving his bottle of beer as he walks around his loft, venting it all to his now boyfriend, Anthony.

“Didn’t Chimney once said he was crazy for romantic comedies, maybe this is where he gets it from?” Anthony suggests, not aware that Buck doesn’t want explanations for Tommy’s behavior.

“He wants to make me look bad!” Buck adds, ignoring the man’s input. “He wants Eddie to see I’m awful at this and fire me from best man.”

“I don’t think you can be fired from best man.”

“He just got here; he shouldn’t be taking the lead. He should step back, I know Eddie for six years, I think I know what my best friend likes or doesn’t like.” It’s like Anthony is not even there, except he is and he’s doing a lot more damage than helping, despite his best intentions.

“You do know this isn’t a competition, right?” Anthony asks, still not getting the hint that he should just let Buck vent and eventually offer him a hug or something.

“Maybe you should tell that to him,” Buck snaps. “He’s the one undermining me and making me look bad in front of Eddie and Vanessa.”

“You could talk to Eddie,” his boyfriend suggests.

“I’m talking to you,” Buck points out. “Eddie has more important things to worry about. So, I’m talking to you… Not that it’s helping.” He adds under his breath, hoping the man doesn’t listen.

“I think I’m gonna go,” Anthony says, very much hearing all of it and deciding enough is enough. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I have a 24.”

“Text me when you’re off, and we can talk, then,” the man gives him a quick kiss and leaves before Buck can do or say anything.

It’s a surprise Anthony hasn’t ended things between them yet. Buck knows he’s been insufferable for the past couple of months, ever since Eddie invited him and Tommy to be his best men. Everyone has already said something to him about his constant complaining over the pilot. Anthony was the only one who hadn’t. Yet.

And it’s not like Buck hadn’t tried. He had. He tried to be the better man in this. The first time they went out to discuss wedding stuff, both him and Tommy arrived early, and Buck decide to be a grown up and establish some sort of truce between them. It was ridiculous that they were in his 30s and 40s and acting like complete kids, but neither of them could help themselves. Tommy initially had agreed, but as soon as they started to talk and Eddie asked their opinions on color scheme for the broom, the pilot took over and dismissed every single one of Buck’s ideas. And, the worst part, he did in this condescending way, as if apologizing to Eddie that his best friend of six years understood nothing of weddings and color palettes.

Eddie would look very hot in a clear beige suit, thank you very much.

After it, there was no truce anymore. Tommy fought him over dessert, the playlist, sitting arrangements, the color of their own suits, what they should gift Eddie and Vanessa, who should carry the rings, who should be there in the front to welcome the guests while Eddie finished getting ready, who should help Eddie getting ready… It was never ending bickering and disagreement and fighting. Buck hated it.

He saw how hurt and bothered Eddie looked every time they started another one of their arguments. He saw the looks Vanessa would give them, and then at Eddie as if questioning if this is what he really wants for his wedding day. He saw Eddie and Chimney talking at the firehouse after yet another disastrous meeting of the both of them fighting. He was sure Eddie eventually would give up on both of them and ask Chimney to step up. Buck couldn’t even blame the guy.

Buck is sure their last test will be the bachelor party, and he promises himself – and Anthony – to be on his best behavior. He can do this. He can be pleasant, he can be nice to Tommy, they can ignore each other all night and get heavenly drunk.

Until the Uber they are sharing takes a different turn instead of taking them to the place he had booked for them to enjoy their poker night, it turns to take them to fucking Harbor where there’s a chopper ready and fueled to take them to fucking Vegas.

“Oh, boy,” he hears Anthony saying next to them, because he probably sees the murderous look on Buck’s face as he stares at the chopper waiting for them.

“What the fuck are we doing here?” Buck asks, turning to Tommy, who just points to the machine ready to fly.

“You said Eddie would appreciate playing some poker on his bachelor night,” Tommy tells him, frowning.

“Yeah, in a fucking room I booked at this hotel downtown, where we can get to in a car and won’t take any risks of getting late before we have to hop on a plane and go to Texas.”

“We’re only flying to Texas on Tuesday,” Tommy reminds him. “I know a guy in Vegas.”

“Of course you do,” Buck tells him. “You always know a guy, or a girl, or fucking God. Always the perfect guy. God forbid we do something simple. No, it needs to be fucking tulips and roses instead of daisies and lilies or whatever. It has to be a grey suit instead of a nice, light beige one… A band is so much better than a DJ, more original too, right?”

“What is your point?”

“What are you trying to measure here?” Buck asks back. “Always trying to beat me, trying to be better, to show what a crap friend and best man I am. I’ve been here for six years!”

“Evan, this is not a competition.”

“Then why do you make one?” Buck points out. “Because you didn’t take any of my ideas. You fought every single one of them. You made Eddie change his mind every time, even though he liked my ideas. Why the fuck are we about to travel to fucking Vegas?”

“Because it’s Eddie! Don’t you think he deserves something nice?”

“He’s not up for sale for you to buy him with your stupid friends in high places and fancy helicopter.” Buck barks at the pilot.

He feels himself shaking, similar to how he felt when he was mad at Eddie for spending so much time with Tommy in the beginning. Back then, Buck had gone as far as to hurt Eddie because of how hurt he himself was feeling. Left out, like he didn’t belong to their small group, like he couldn’t fit in their dynamic. Now he sees red again, he would be willing to throw Tommy out of the helicopter in mid air if they didn’t need the pilot to take them to Vegas and back.

Tommy just stares at him in shock, almost pitying Buck for how he feels, like he’s throwing a tantrum – and maybe he is – and acting like a child. But he also seems surprised at the accusations, like he never intended to do any of what Buck was accusing him of. Like he never wanted to look like he was buying Eddie’s friendship and acceptance. They have been friends for a year and a half, he was already his best man, of course he didn’t need to buy his place in Eddie’s life.

“Evan…” Tommy starts, but they are interrupted by Eddie’s car arriving and the man celebrating the helicopter. Anthony buys them some time going over to welcome Eddie and taking his time chatting with the man.

“Forget it,” Buck tells him, taking a deep breath and rubbing his face to try and hide the stupid tears he was about to shed. “We’re here already, fuck it. Who cares, right?”

He misses the look that takes over Tommy’s face when he turns his back to the pilot, noticing the change but not paying much attention because he’s not interested in Tommy’s pity towards him and his stupid abandonment issues. Buck forces a smile on his face and hugs his best friend, welcoming him to the night that’s supposed to celebrate him and the new step in his life.

For so long, Buck thought he would get married before Eddie, that the man would probably never settle down, but, at last, he found someone to complement and accept him with all his flaws and qualities. Buck could be happy for him; he was happy for his best friend. He could swallow his pride and enter the stupid helicopter and fly to stupid Vegas and watch as his friend celebrated this new chapter.

Buck gets drunk enough to not find Tommy’s presence that annoying, and they also keep their distance from each other. He notices the pilot looking at him every now and then, but pointedly ignores in order to pepper kisses along his boyfriend’s skin. He gets snuggly with Anthony, more than he have ever been since they started hanging out, and eventually he convinces the man to take things upstairs to their hotel bedroom.

They kiss and it’s sloppy, and Buck is drunk and a bit dizzy, and maybe things are a bit blurry – he’ll always blame the alcohol for this night. They undress and they are in bed, Anthony on top of him, and Buck is having a good time, he’s feeling his thoughts sleeping through his fingers, his mind growing quieter. He’s letting out all of the frustrations from the night, and all he feels is bliss.

He has a cock buried inside of him and all he feels is a warm, strong, big body on top of him. All he sees are blue eyes, with a crooked smile that causes small crinkles around his eyes. All his fingers feel are soft curls, a hot, soft, mouth tracing patterns down his skin; calloused, rough hands caress his skin, causing goosebumps. Buck closes his eyes and drowns on all of the sensations he’s feeling now.

“Yeah…” He moans softly after a sharp thrust from the other man’s body. “Just like that… Tommy.”

Chapter Text

Me and my truth, we sit in silence
Baby girl, it's just me and you
'Cause I don't wanna argue, but I don't wanna bite
My tongue, yeah, I think I'd rather die

“I fucked up.”

It’s Monday morning, he has the entire week off due to Eddie’s wedding and they just arrived from Vegas late last night. He’s been anxious ever since Friday night, but he couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse to ditch Eddie and Tommy earlier. The entire weekend was about Eddie after all. He was quite relieved when Anthony left as soon as possible, before the other men could run into him, avoiding them from a very embarrassing moment.

He didn’t sleep at all since the last night he spent with the guy, tossing and turning in his bed, reliving every single moment, trying to find where it all went wrong – probably when he accepted to hop on that stupid helicopter with his best friend and his enemy, probably when Tommy decided to kiss him in the middle of his kitchen and showed him what he was missing in his life. Probably when his parents decided to have a third kid to save their first born.

From day one Buck’s life has been a disaster after another. The sole purpose of him being alive was a big one. How could he ever think that eventually things would change and become better? No, his life was a big joke, a disaster after another. He hoped the audience was very entertained by the twists and turns of events he provided for them.

Now, here he is, with the only person who seems to love him despite all of the idiot things he does and says.

“Good morning to you, too,” Maddie tells him, opening up the door of her house so he can walk in. Buck knows very well by now that this is the time Chim takes Jee to daycare – he actually waited until the clock hit eight in the morning to leave his house and drive to his sister’s – so they are safe. “What did you do now?” His sister asks once he’s in her kitchen pouring himself his second cup of coffee of the day. Not that he needs to feel more energetic, but he needs something to do.

“Uh… Remember when I came out to you?” Buck asks, fixing his coffee and refusing to meet her eyes for the time being.

“Yeah, how could I forget? Are you taking it back?”

“What? No… It’s not that… It’s…” Buck takes a sip of his coffee and sighs heavily as he feels the liquid taking over his veins. It’s not that calming, but he welcomes the distraction. “Maybe I didn’t tell you everything.”

Maddie nods, nursing her own cup of coffee, sitting by the table and looking at him. “Okay? What didn’t you tell me?”

Buck stares at the black liquid inside his cup and mulls over everything that happened. He knew, ever since he fucked up with Anthony that Maddie would be the only person he could open up with, but doing so demanded him opening up to more, to things he hadn’t told her when he decided to come out as a bisexual person after the disastrous date with Tommy. He never mentioned his existence, that the pilot was the one to open up his eyes. But now, for Maddie to understand his problem, he had to be honest.

He looks at her, finding the never-ending patience his sister always offered him, so much love. This woman never judged him for any stupidity he had done in his life. She loved him the same way she loved her own daughter. Unconditionally. She’s always fair and always has a nice thing to say to him, a good advice. He never once feared coming out to Maddie, he knew she would accept him no matter what. He never feared opening up to her, she was always the first one to know everything and more about him. He overshared, and she hated it, but always allowed because she knew he had no one else to do it. Because she loved him, and she was always there for him whenever Buck needed it.

So, he takes a deep breath, takes a sip from his coffee, and finally tells her everything he hid after the disastrous date. Back then, he was so embarrassed, and still quite pissed at Tommy and himself, that he chose to not tell her everything. He came up with a ridiculous story about going out with some buddies of him from the old days, ending up in a gay bar and staying there. Buck told her a guy had come up and kissed him and Buck liked it too much – quite literally like that Katy Perry song. He wanted to come out to his sister because it felt right and like she should be the first one to find out, but he didn’t want the story of his first time out with a guy to be such a disastrous one.

Maybe Maddie could’ve helped him figure out how and why things had gone so bad with him and Tommy, but Buck was so mad, and hurt, and pissed that he just couldn’t find in himself to open up to her that much. It felt like something he should work out alone, and eventually, one day maybe, he would feel confident to share with her. He never expected it would be after he fucked up epically with his boyfriend.

“Wa-Wait a second,” Maddie raises her hand. “Are you talking about the Tommy? Eddie’s friend Tommy? The pilot?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“You mean to tell me that all this time the whole basketball thing was about him?”

“Who did you think it was for?”

“Eddie!”

“What? Why would it be about Eddie?”

“How was I supposed to know it was about somebody else?” Maddie questions him, which is a fair point. “I thought you had a crush on Eddie… I was almost waiting for you to tell me you got drunk and kissed Eddie in Vegas, and that’s what you fucked up.”

“Ew, no!” Buck shakes himself at the idea of it. “Eddie is straight,” he remembers her. “And engaged. I’d never do that.”

“Well, considering you almost broke his ankle for a guy you barely talk anymore…”

“We don’t talk because he was a jerk.”

“It seems like you weren’t very nice, either,” Maddie points it out.

“I was my first time with a guy, of course I was nervous, and was bound to screw up at some point!” He defends himself, because he wasn’t given the opportunity to do it back then. “And he was the one who left me outside the restaurant all alone! He was supposed to show more maturity, don’t you think?”

“Why are you fighting me?”

“Because you started to criticize me.”

They stare at each other, Buck a little breathless from the exchange, cup of coffee forgotten since he started to tell Maddie everything. His sister worries her bottom lip between her teeth and sighs.

“Okay, fair,” Maddie gives in. “Is this what you came to tell me? That you fucked up, what, a year ago?”

“Year and a half.” But who’s counting? Definitely not Buck. “But that’s not it…”

“Ok… So, long story short to see if I got it right: Tommy was your big bi awakening, you both screwed up, you haven’t properly talked ever since.” She summarizes and Buck nods, it seems so silly when she puts it like that, but Buck is standing on his ground. “What’s the latest screwing up session? Oh, ew, no, I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Well… You’re not exactly too far here,” Buck admits, rubbing his face. “So… We went to fucking Vegas, right?” Buck remembers and Maddie rolls her eyes at his annoyance. “Anthony came along because Eddie wanted to spend more time with him, right? He also didn’t want to miss an opportunity on some poker night.”

“O… Oh, no… Do I really wanna know?” Maddie asks him, and Buck just stares at her, like saying she’s the only option available. “Go on.”

“You know all about the poker night, right? Vegas out of nowhere?” Maddie nods, because of course Buck had texted her extensively once they landed and were on an Uber to the hotel Tommy had gotten for them. “What you don’t know is that I was pissed once we go to Harbor, and maybe Tommy and I had yet another argument.”

“Maybe as in, definitely had an argument in the middle of Harbor?”

“Not in the middle, but yeah,” Buck shrugs. “So, I was rightfully pissed because he had just hijacked my plans for the bachelor party and took us to stupid Vegas. But Anthony is there, and he’s a nice guy, right? And he has put up with so much of my shit over the past couple of months regarding the wedding and stupid Tommy. We drink a little, I’m a lot more snuggly than usual, and we take it to our bedroom.” Rightfully so, Maddie makes a face at the implications but lets him keep going. “And I think Tommy was in my head still… And I’m not proud, but… Anthony and I were, you know, and I may have called him Tommy.”

“You what?” Maddie asks, eyes and mouth wide open in shock, voice going up a few octaves.

“They have similar nicknames!” Buck tries to defend himself, but even he knows it’s a weak excuse, especially considering Anthony was very against people calling him Tony. Maddie just stares for a moment, and Buck wants a whole to open under him and swallow him.

He still remembers the complete shock that took over his body once he realized, once he noticed Anthony was standing still on top of him. Buck would never forget the look of utter betrayal and anger he saw on his brown eyes. He could never forget how completely opposite Anthony felt against him in comparison to what Buck was imagining. Despite working as a baker, Anthony’s hands were softer, his body was slimmer, his eyes a dark chocolate brown, his hair straight. He didn’t have crinkles around his eyes whenever he smiled, and he didn’t have that deep, throaty laugh whenever he laughed at one of Buck’s jokes.

“What did you do after?” Maddie asks, bringing him back.

“I didn’t do anything, but he… Obviously, he broke up with me.”

Despite everything, Buck really felt sorry for what happened, but Anthony never gave him a choice to explain or apologize. He showered, he got dressed, he packed the few things he had taken out of his bag, and he got on the first plane back to LA. Buck tried to call and text him later, but the man probably had blocked him. Buck didn’t even blame him.

“Oh, Evan…”

Explaining why Anthony took off on the next day was the most embarrassing moment of his life – and that’s saying something. It was obvious that neither Eddie nor Tommy had bought that he had an emergency at the bakery that was so urgent no one else could take care of – he wasn’t that good of a baker to hold that much power. But Buck stood by it and Eddie didn’t push for more details. He would eventually have to explain why Anthony wasn’t going to be his plus one at the wedding anymore, but that was a problem for later.

“Now I’m supposed to hop on a plane to Texas with my best friend and his other best friend, without a plus one, how pathetic is that?”

“You’re more worried about not having a plus one to your friend’s wedding then saying another name during sex?” Maddie asks him, brows furrowed. “Don’t you think you should address this first?”

“What’s there to address? I told you, I was stressed, the dude stressed me up during the entire wedding planning with how perfect of a friend he is, and all of his freaking contacts to grant Eddie has the perfect wedding, and how unfit I am for the job apparently.”

“You don’t really believe that do you?” Maddie stands up to reach for his hand on top of the kitchen island. “Eddie loves you; he wouldn’t have picked you as his best man if he didn’t think you were fit for the job.”

“But Tommy is so much better at it,” Buck whines. Hating to admit it, but having t give in. Not that he didn’t give good ideas, but Tommy just had a naturality to it, and he had so many contacts all over the place to offer Eddie and Vanessa the best care possible. “He took us to fucking Vegas for the bachelor party, all I had planned was a stupid poker night at this hotel downtown. But not Tommy, he got a chopper, he knows people, he got us into an exclusive casino, he got tickes for this MMA fight…” He sighs. “All I have is a stupid clipboard I’m not even allowed to use.”

“You have seven years on him,” Maddie tells him, voice soft. “You don’t need to overdo it; Eddie already knows your value.”

“But he’s my best friend, I should be overdoing it,” Buck complains, stubborn as ever. “And this guy comes in and just takes over, and everyone is infatuated with him. He can’t do no wrong, ever. And I just can’t stop screwing everything up.”

~ * ~

You cling to your papers and pens
Wait until you like me again

For logistics purpose, Eddie and Vanessa decided to have the ceremony in Texas with their family, but once they get back, they’ll have some sort of reception party with everyone else they know in Los Angeles. For that reason, Buck and Tommy, alongside Vanessa’s maids of honor, are the only ones to go with them to Texas. Anthony was supposed to be here, and Eddie makes it very clear once Buck joins them at the gate.

“Aren’t you missing something? Or someone?” His best friend asks after Buck sits next to him, checking the time. Buck just looks at him, ignoring Tommy’s presence nearby, pretending to watch the planes, but pretty much paying attention from the looks of it. “Where’s Anthony?”

“He’s not coming,” Buck shrugs, checking once again if he has everything.

“Clearly…” Eddie keeps looking at him. “Dude, what happened?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Buck stares at him, hoping to be doing a good job at pretending to be confused, even though he knows pretty well where Eddie is trying to get to here.

“First he leaves Vegas out of the sudden and you come up with a lame excuse,” Eddie points out. “Now he’s not here? You said he was excited. You were excited.”

“Things change. People break up. Plans change. It’s not a big deal.” He knows he won’t get away with it just by the wide eyes Eddie directs to him. “Can we not? This isn’t about me now, it’s all about you and Vanessa.”

“Thank you,” the woman adds from where she’s sitting with her sister and best friend. They are checking some last items from their list, but Buck should’ve known she was paying attention.

“Are you good?” Eddie insists either way and Buck just sighs.

“Yeah, man, I’m good, it just wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know, guess he saw wedding and how excited I was that he got scared, who knows?” Buck looks away, now tired of this conversation. Is very brief, but he catches Tommy’s eyes on him before the pilot looks away. It’s almost like Tommy knows something happened, and what happened actually. “What’s the plan for the week again?”

It’s the perfect excuse for Vanessa and her sister, Veronica, to join them and start to tell what they had planned for the days ahead, all culminating in the wedding on Saturday. They are scheduled to get back to LA the next day. They have dinner with the families, rehearsal dinner, last fittings from their outfits, some photoshoot session Vanessa insisted on doing with them and their families, and then the wedding. Enough stuff to keep his mind occupied and away from a certain pilot that was put to sit right next to him.

It’s only a three-hour flight until El Paso, Buck figures he can distract himself to ignore the presence of the man. Or maybe he could use as practice, since they were about to share a room for five whole days.

Buck rests his head against his seat and closes his eyes as Tommy tries to fit his overly large – hot – figure on the tiny space. It’s inevitable that their arms touch, and part of their legs as well. Buck definitely doesn’t feel himself burning where they touch. He closes his eyes and tries to tune out every single thing around him. Despite his job, he really hates flying – hurricane adventure being an exception because it was an emergency, and he had adrenaline pumping freely through his veins – but now? He was nervous and anxious.

“Are you okay?” He hears Tommy asking next to him. So, maybe he wasn’t pretending all that well.

“Fine.” He mutters, refusing to open his eyes. Even with them closed, he can feel Tommy’s on him. He can almost hear the engines on the man’s head working to state the obvious.

“Are… Are you… You’re not scared, are you?” Tommy asks, but there’s no mocking in his tone, and when Buck opens his eyes to tell him to fuck off and leave him the hell alone, he’s met with soft, understanding eyes. “You flew into a hurricane, and you’re scared of a three-hour flight?”

“I was distracted during the hurricane thing,” Buck points out. “It was an emergency; I was in first-responder mode.”

“Hm…” Tommy studies him. “You do know airplanes are the safest way to travel, right?”

“I also know that the oxygen masks only have enough oxygen to last up to fifteen minutes,” Buck points out, automatically. It’s stronger than him, whenever someone drops a random fact, he has another one to counteract.

“What else?” Tommy asks him, seeming amused.

“What?”

“What else do you know about planes?” The pilot asks as they start to taxi down the tarmac, getting ready for takeoff.

“You’re a pilot, you probably know everything there is to know.”

“I know how to pilot them,” Tommy agrees. “I’m not really stuck on facts. Care to share a few and enlighten me?”

“The… Hm…” He feels something warm and soft touching his hand and looks down, finding those calloused fingers covering his. Any other day, he would retract his hand, but right now it helps him to concentrate. “The cabin pressure numbs our tastebuds and dries the food. But it only affects sweet and salty flavors, we can still feel spicy and bitter just as normal.”

“That’s interesting,” Tommy nods, considering the piece of information. It doesn’t seem like he’s mocking Buck. “What else?”

He feels them taking off and his stomach drops inside his belly. Buck closes his eyes and holds firmly the arm rests of their seats; Tommy squeezes his hand, and he feels himself relaxing a tiny bit. His touch, his warmth, his voice, it all helps to soothe Buck’s anxiety, and he partially hates that of all people, the pilot is the one helping him out.

“Most airplanes are white to reflect the sunlight,” Buck remembers. “It-It helps to keep it cooler and minimizes the damage to fuselage.”

“Fascinating,” Tommy tells him, his voice sounding a lot closer than before. Buck is almost sure he can feel the pilot’s breath hitting his skin, and shivers. “Anything else?” He feels the airplane more stable now, but still doesn’t venture to open his eyes.

“Th-The longest flight was from Singapore to New York, it covered 9,500 miles and lasted almost nineteen hours.”

He feels Tommy’s fingers caressing his arm, resting on the armrest of their shared seat, and focus on the touch, on how soothing it is. He feels the man’s breath near him and focuses on it, trying to match his with the pilot’s. He pictures calm blue eyes; he once saw so close when they first kissed on his kitchen. Buck felt everything changing back then. Like Tommy had taken his world of its axis and put it into a new position, showing him a new perspective, clearing his path.

He remembers the soft touch of Tommy’s lips against his, the touch on his hip after the kiss. The way Tommy kept his eyes closed for a second extra after they broke the kiss apart, while Buck just stared at him in awe and wonder. He remembers how fast and hard his heart was beating inside his chest, how his stomach fluttered when Tommy asked him out. He remembers feeling nervous as he chose what to wear, as he waited for Tommy to come and pick him up, as he wondered whether they should hold hands or not, which movie they would watch…

“Evan…” He hears the soft voice calling him and opens his eyes, blinking at the sudden bright light coming from the outside. “We’re here.”

“We… What?” He looks around, ignoring the soft look on Tommy’s eyes and stare at the view outside the window. And sure enough there’s a lot more orange and brown-sandy tones staring back at him than the sunny, bright and green Los Angeles he’s used to.

Next to him, Tommy is already getting up to grab his things and start to leave. The plane is a lot emptier, which shows they must have landed for a while now. Buck stretches and gets up, taking care not to hit his head. From the back of the plane, Eddie, Vanessa, her sister and her best friend are coming to join them. Bride and groom have the biggest smiles ever and look overly excited for two people who absolutely didn’t want to have their wedding here in Texas. Buck had heard them talking about it once, how they were only doing it for their tías and abuelas, out of respect they had for them.

“Ready?” Eddie asks them and Buck just nods as he takes his backpack, avoiding Tommy’s gaze. He should thank the guy, but at the same time he feels weird and vulnerable for what happened. So, he just ignores as they leave the airport and jump on a rental car – Tommy, Buck, Veronica and Sarah, Vanessas’s best friend share one, and bride and groom share another so they can fulfill their family duties.

For their stay in Texas, both families invited them to stay over, but Vanessa and Eddie were very against it, and Tommy mentioned he knew a guy, who could offer them good hotel rooms – including the presidential suite for the happy couple – for a good price. It was enough for them, and since they posed as a gift from Tommy to them, their families couldn’t fight against it.

“This is awesome, dude,” Eddie tells Tommy once they walk inside the hotel. It is really cool; Buck admits to himself. Tommy also arranged for the rehearsal dinner to also happen here, even though the wedding would happen at a country club, in the open. It’s going to be more a family dinner with both sides than a proper rehearsal as Vanessa and Veronica explained.

Tommy and Buck stay behind as Eddie and Vanessa, Veronica and Sarah check in their rooms and follow their path towards the elevators. He wasn’t happy to learn they would share a room, but it was logistically the better option, there was no reason for them to spend an absurd amount of money just because they disliked each other. Buck had agreed and Tommy made the arrangements.

“Good afternoon,” Tommy tells next to him as Buck takes a look around. “Kinard and Buckley.” The receptionist types the information on the keyboard, and it takes her long enough to give an answer that Buck turns to watch what is going on. The woman has a deep frown and starts to worry her bottom lip between her teeth. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry,” she smiles at both of them. “I have a reservation under Kinard,” she explains.

“Yeah, I made it,” Tommy confirms, offering him a smile.

“Well, for Mrs. García and Moore we had two separate beds,” she proceeds to explain. Buck understands before she finishes explaining and is already trying to stifle a laugh. “Since we only had one name for you, it seems there is only one bed.”

“What?” Tommy asks at the same time Buck starts to laugh. The pilot and the receptionist look at him, but Buck couldn’t care less. Of everything that could happen more during this entire wedding journey, of course this would also be added to the list.

“Of course,” he says, laughing at how stupid his life is. “Of course we would still have this.”

“Evan,” Tommy calls him. The receptionist tries to hide a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m sure there’s something we can do here,” he turns back to the lady. Buck laughs even more when something clicks inside of his head.

“Oh my God!” He says, looking at Tommy. “After all, Mr. Tommy ‘Perfection’ Kinard does have a flaw!”

“This is not my middle name,” Tommy corrects him.

“I’m sorry, but we are fully booked,” the woman, Tracie from the tag on her shirt, informs him. It is a small hotel after all, so he’s not that surprised.

“You messed up!” Buck points it out, with the biggest smile he has let out ever since he found out the pilot was the other best man. Maybe he shouldn’t be acting so smug after Tommy helped him out during the flight, but he can’t help himself.

“I made one mistake.”

“You messed up!” Buck repeats, too giddy in his satisfaction of seeing the man finally making a mistake. Not even caring that it was about them. “You had one job, and you didn’t do it properly.”

“I believe I had plenty of jobs,” Tommy corrects him. The receptionist is really trying not to laugh at their exchange. “Will you want another room or not?”

“She said they are fully booked,” Buck remembers. He should be insisting for another room, he’s sure they could press her and the manager for another room, but he’s enjoying this too much to think properly.

“We can find another hotel.”

He ponders at the idea but figures it would be too much of a hassle to divide the team between two hotels just for one honest mistake the pilot made – still funny, Buck will always remember and cherish this moment – besides taking the time to explain, he doesn’t want to stress Eddie even more, they did that enough already.

“Look,” Buck cools down for the time being. “I’m not happy to share either, but it’s just a couple of days. You heard Vanessa and Veronica at the airport, they have so much stuff planned that, by the end of the day, we’ll be exhausted, so it’s no big deal. I don’t mind if you don’t.” He does mind, but he needs to show some sort of maturity here. He finally has some leverage, after all. Perfect Pilot messed up; Buck is not letting it slide.

~ * ~

Know that you made me
I don't like how you paint me, yet I'm still here hanging

As predicted, they have some of the busiest week of their lives – and that’s saying something, considering Eddie, Buck and Tommy are all firefighters working the craziest shifts. They have brunches and lunches and dinners with both families. They walk around town checking the last details and, much to Buck’s surprise, he sees some of his own suggestions being part of the final choices of both groom and bride. He looks at Tommy, but the pilot is all stoic, just admiring one of the flower arrangements they made to show Eddie and Vanessa. He doesn’t think it was a last-minute change, because he’s well aware these things are expensive, but it feels weird. He considers asking Eddie about it, but he doesn’t want to stress him out a lot more. Despite their best attempts to be civil, Buck and Tommy still bicker here and there, much to Eddie and Vanessas’s annoyance.

On Thursday, they have the last fitting of their suits for the wedding. It’s hot as fuck in El Paso, and Buck wonders if Vanessa would be too mad if he decided to skip the jacket and go just with his white shirt and rolled up sleeves, he still has the suspenders to complete the look, that would count, right?

As he finishes the knot in his tie, and Tommy is blissfully elsewhere getting changed, Eddie comes out of his own cabin, dressed in a beautiful three-piece beige suit, much like the one Buck suggested he would look hot as hell if he wore it, and Tommy had dismissed it and suggested he wore the light grey. Eddie stands in front of him, doing a little twirl and opening up his arms.

“So, what you think?” He asks, biggest and goofiest smile on his face. Buck just stares, more confused than he probably should. But it’s the sum of everything he’s seen this week.

“What’s going on?” Buck asks his best friend, it’s Eddie’s turn to frown. “Is this some kind of pity party? Did Tommy say anything?”

“What are you talking about?” Eddie wonders, very confused from the looks of it. Buck points to the suit.

“It’s the suit I suggested, and the flower arrangements, and the playlist… All things Tommy had convinced you to dismiss, but it’s happening… Did he say anything?”

“Buck… Of course not.”

“’Cause I don’t need this pity party, Eddie. It’s your wedding, it should be the way you want, with all of his brilliant ideas that you all loved so much,” he says, incapable of keeping the jealousy from dripping out of his mouth. Eddie approaches him, hand resting on his shoulder as he normally does to ground Buck.

“What is this about? What are you talking? What brilliant ideas and pity party?” Eddie asks him. “I loved your ideas, Buck, so did Vanessa, from day one.”

“But… But Tommy…”

“Had good ones too, and we considered all of them, but at the end of the day we chose what felt better for us,” Eddie tells him. “Vanessa agreed with you that I would look hot in a beige suit, and it would fit me better than a grey one. She liked your taste for the flowers, and the color scheme for them. I have no clue about the playlists, though, that was all her and Veronica.” Buck feels so stupid, but at the same time he feels like he could cry.

“So… I didn’t do a terrible job?”

“What?” Eddie looks at him like he has just grown two heads. “I mean, you and Tommy could have tone it down on the fighting and bickering a little, not gonna lie to you, but everything else? You were exactly what I thought and hoped you would be, Buck.”

“Jesus, I’m so stupid,” Buck chuckles and looks down, because if he keeps meeting Eddie’s eyes and soft expression, he’s going to cry. He takes a deep breath and looks up. “You do look hot as fuck.” He says, pulling his friend in for a hug.

“Oh, wow, Eddie…” Tommy comes in at this moment, and Buck has to swallow hard to not say something stupid like how stupidly hot the pilot looks in his own suit. They are going to wear matching suits, a tone darker than Eddie’s from the looks of it, and the color just fits Tommy’s skin tone and eye color in a way that makes Buck want to climb all over him. He’s pathetic. “Evan, I owe you an apology, you were absolutely right. Eddie does look hot.”

“Don’t strain yourself,” Buck tells him, turning to the mirror to adjust his tie.

“You two don’t look so bad either,” Eddie tells, analyzing both his best friends and offering an approving smile. “Can I take a picture and send it to Ness? She wanted to see you two, but not me.” He motions for them to stay side by side and Buck goes grunting a little bit but smile to the camera either way. “Guys, thank you again for agreeing to this. I can’t believe I’m getting married in two days.”

“It was an honor, buddy,” Buck tells him, getting in position when the guy comes to make the final adjustments.

“Thank you for the invitation,” he hears Tommy saying, and watches through the mirror when they both hug. He doesn’t look at how tight Tommy’s suit gets when he hugs Eddie, how it defines his bicep and arms. He definitely doesn’t stare at the way his pants accentuates the pilot’s ass.

Buck feels lighter once they leave the shop and walk towards a restaurant nearby where they can grab something to eat, he is starving, and they have some time to kill until their next appointment – the final details of the cake and other dessert available. That was probably the only thing in the entire process that he and Tommy agreed on something, much to everyone’s surprise.

Eddie fills the usual silence during lunch sharing stories of his childhood there, his outings with Shannon and what they would be up to as teenagers. It’s a little bittersweet to hear him talking about his past wife when he’s about to marry someone new, but Buck understands the need to honor Shannon’s memory. Before they came to El Paso, Eddie took a moment to visit Shannon’s grave and practically ask for her permission to the next step. Buck was sure the woman would approve of Vanessa, both as Eddie’s wife and for a stepmom to Christopher.

“She’d be proud of you,” Buck offers once they are out, walking down the road towards the bakery. Eddie looks at him. “Shannon. Of the man you became. Definitely not that teenager who got his high school sweetheart pregnant and fled to the army to escape the responsibility.”

“I hope so,” Eddie agrees with him, watery eyes meeting his. “I… I’m doing the right thing here, right?” He stops all of the sudden and Buck exchange looks with Tommy. To say he wasn’t expecting Eddie to have a moment of doubt would be a lie, but he was expecting it to happen in the beginning or right before the wedding, not in the middle of a sidewalk after they just had lunch. “Like, it’s not too soon? Too rushed? It’s too rushed, right?”

“Eddie, what are you talking about?” Buck questions him.

“We’ve been together for a year, and we’re getting married already! We bought a house together, Buck! We were together for less than a year and we bought a house together already! Who does that?”

“Hey, hey! No, don’t do this, man,” Buck tells him, mirroring his gesture earlier and resting his own hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Look at me, stop it! Whatever you’re doing right now, you have to stop.”

“But… But… It’s too soon… I promised I wouldn’t do this again, that I wasn’t going to rush it and ruin everything…”

“Eddie, you’re not ruining anything!” Buck tells him, very close to physically shake him. “You love each other, I’ve never seen you like this with anyone before, dude. Dare I say, not even with Shannon once you tried to get together again.” He looks at Tommy, as if asking for help because he’s not sure of what to say beyond this.

“It’s not rushed, Eddie,” the pilot tells him, getting closer. “Sometimes you just know. And you have to take a leap of faith.”

“And what if we crash and burn?”

“That’s a risk, but you won’t know unless you do it,” Tommy shrugs. “You feel safe with her? Like she’s going to catch you if you fall? Then it’s not wrong, it means you have the right person next to you.”

“She’s not Shannon. And you’re not the past Eddie,” Buck complements. “You’re more mature. You made mistakes and you learned from them. You’re a whole new person. And you found someone to love present and past you without any judgement. Only acceptance.”

“You would tell me if this was a mistake, right?” Eddie asks them and Buck nods.

“Like I would willingly go to Vegas unless I believed this was the right thing for you.” Buck attempts a joke and Eddie laughs. “Come on, we have some cake to eat.”

He obviously avoids Tommy’s look at him at the mention of Vegas and just nudges his best friend forward to lead the way to the bakery. He’s not sure of what the pilot is looking for in him, but he also doesn’t want to find out. Buck is determined to be present for his best friend and ignore everything else. He can’t have Eddie and Vanessa more stressed than they already made them during the past few months.

That determination only last until the rehearsal dinner the next day, obviously. Buck tries really hard, but the bickering starts as they are still getting ready for dinner, with Tommy taking a long ass time on the shower knowing very well that Buck still needs to use it and get ready himself. They make it just in time, and from then on is just downhill.

Despite not being pressed to follow a specific itinerary, Vanessa still wants them to practice a few moments and for them to have some sweet moments. She asks them to oblige, and they go for it, but for every moment, there’s something Tommy or Buck does that annoys the other even more. The way one of them pose for picture – yes, Tommy, you are standing in front of me and blocking me –, the order of their speech – mine is shorter, Evan, I don’t ramble as much as you –, where they’ll seat by the bride and groom table – all I’m saying is that you’re bigger, so you should be in the last chair; and that has nothing to do with you wanting to be between me and Eddie all night to avoid us to talk and have a good moment? – he is aware they are causing a scene and not just Eddie and Vanessa are witnessing that. It is starting to spread, and everyone looks at them, but they just can’t stop.

Until enough is enough and one firm look from Vanessa tells both of them everything they need to know, including Eddie, who sighs heavily and literally drags them both to the outside of the room and into the lobby of the hotel, not an easy feature considering both Buck and Tommy are bigger than him, that’s to show just how pissed off the man is.

“What the fuck?” He asks once the doors are closed behind them.

“Now you got us into trouble,” Buck turns to Tommy immediately.

“I did… You…”

“Stop! Both of you!” Eddie cuts them both. He’s more pissed than either of them has ever seen before. “Look… I know you guys hate each other for whatever reason, and probably it was a mistake on my account to ask both of you to be my best men here, but you are my best friends, and I love both of you, and I was stupid enough to believe that you’d be able to put your feelings towards each other on hold for me for just a couple days, but clearly that’s not happening.”

“Eddie, man, we’re very sorry,” Tommy starts. Eddie just raises his hand, disappointment taking over his expression. Buck feels something inside of him twisting.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Eddie stares at both of them, pissed, sad and hurt. “I think you should leave for the night.”

“Come on, Eddie, we can talk, we can…”

“We will… Tomorrow. But right now, I need you both to not be here.”

“But tomorrow is the wedding.”

“Exactly.” Eddie looks at Buck, as if saying ‘see the position you’re putting me in, now’. “So, I either need you to take the rest of the night to figure your shit out or take a moment to yourselves and pretend the hell out of tomorrow for my sake. It’s just one more day. I promise I’ll never make the mistake of asking something like that to either of you ever again.”

The man goes back to the room before either of them can say anything. Buck feels heartbroken, mad at himself now for being such a dick to his best friend after he promised himself that he would be on his best behavior. Next to him, Tommy rubs one hand on his face and the other just rests on his hip.

“This is your fault,” Buck tells him.

“How the fuck is this my fault? You were fighting me just as much!”

“If you weren’t here, I would be inside, making sure this weekend was the happiest of my best friend’s life.”

“Well, I could say the same to you!” Tommy tells him.

“Gentlemen,” a receptionist comes to them, looking very uncomfortable, and for the first time both men notice how everyone’s looking at them. “Could you maybe take this somewhere else, please?”

“Of course, sorry,” Tommy tells her, offering a sympathetic smile.

“I’m going up,” Buck points to the elevator, and gets more pissed when he walks in, and Tommy is right after him. “Excuse me!”

“It’s my room as well,” the man points out, pressing the button to their floor. “Evan, we need to sort this out.”

“I was going to, until you decided to follow me.”

“So, your plan was going to ignore me? Pretend none of this is happening?”

“Pretty much,” Buck shrugs. He never pictured himself one day confronting Tommy about his feelings and what led them to have this kind of relationship, and on the rare occasion he did, it never included the night before Eddie’s wedding.

“How mature.”

“You’re one to talk,” Buck talks back, thanking heavens above when the door opens to their floor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy asks, following him through the hallway until they are inside their shared room.

“Not like you’re the poster boy of maturity here either, are you?” Buck tells him once the door is closed behind the pilot. He takes off his sweater and throws it on top of his suitcase with a lot more anger than he should, but he doesn’t care. It’s either that or punching Tommy.

“All I ever did was try to act like an adult here, you’re the one with the dry remarks, scoffing left and right and all the jokes.”

“All the time? Every day of your life?” Buck questions him, turning to face the man, both hands on his hips. Tommy has his arms crossed in front of his chest and just looks at him in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“Pizza and beer, followed by movies, great place with sixteen screens… Ring any bells?”

Buck watches carefully as Tommy makes the connection inside his head. He can already guess, before the pilot says or does anything, what his reaction is going to be: he’ll scoff, he’ll laugh, he’ll make it seem like Buck is exaggerating, that he’s blowing out of proportion, that it’s been too long to hold such a grudge and it doesn’t excuse his behavior, specially tonight.

None of this happens, though. Buck sees the exact moment Tommy remembers, and then his entire body language changes. He is more tense, more closed off, like that brings a different Tommy than the one he’s been seeing all this time.

“Eighteen screens, actually,” the pilot corrects him, like that is what really matters here. “And this is really what is all about?”

“What else?” Buck asks, pissed at the obvious question. “What other opportunity did I have to feel angry at you? Or disappointed? Or hurt?”

“Hurt? Disappointed?” Tommy asks. “You were the one who fucked it all up!”

“Oh, sure, Mr. Perfection never makes a mistake,” Buck points to their shared bed. “Of course I would be the only wrong here.”

“You tried to shove me back into the closet!” Tommy tells him, and it’s clear in that moment that that night has haunted him as much as it has Buck.

“I didn’t mean to!” Buck tells him, as honest as he can muster up in the middle of all the anger. “I told you it was my first time on a date with a guy… You even joked about how you made me nervous!”

“It’s no excuse…”

“So what? Now people have to come out to everybody five seconds after finding out they are queer?” Buck asks, looking at him, knowing very well how long it took Tommy to feel comfortable enough to come out.

“What? No, of course…”

“Then why did you expect me to act normal?”

“Because I told you nobody cared! That we were just two guys hanging out!” Tommy remembers him, and he wishes he were that confident back them to just throw caution to the wind the way Tommy expected him to.

“I was caught off guard! I wasn’t expecting Eddie of all people to show up!”

“So, anyone else would be fair game?” Tommy asks him, uncrossing his arm.

“Look, I’m not saying I’m proud of how I reacted that night, okay? But you’re not the only victim here either.”

“Do enlighten me, please, Evan.”

Buck takes a deep breath. He has thought a lot about this, how things could have gone differently. So many times, he thought about reaching out and asking Tommy for a coffee or something so they could talk and put this in the past. The only reason he never did was because of how hurt he was by how the pilot reacted towards him. No matter how bad a date had been in his life, Buck never left his partner alone on the sidewalk, leaving them to fend for themselves and assess the terrible night on their own.

“So, you think it was okay to leave me all alone outside the restaurant without having any idea of what I had done so wrong that made me fuck it all up before it even started?” The question causes something to change in Tommy, he seems surprised by the turn of events, by finally finding out what made Buck hate him so much.

“I said you weren’t ready.”

“Couldn’t you have said that before?” The man asks. “Couldn’t you have said something while we were still inside? Talked like the fucking adults we are supposed to be?”

“You hurt me!” Tommy points out, defensive.

“So, you felt entitled to hurt me back?” Buck questions him, not believing what he’s hearing. Sure, he was aware that he had offended the pilot somehow, but not to the extent of causing him to want to pay it back. “I thought we had a chance, that there was a way to save the night…” He admits, not minding how pathetically hurt, and broken, and sad he sounds right now. Vulnerable in a way not even his sister has seen in a while. “But then all of the sudden there’s a car stopping by and you’re just leaving, and what was I supposed to do with that?”

There’s silence. Tommy shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at him with a look that unsettles Buck. He’s sure the pilot doesn’t mean to, but there’s pity in there and Buck hates it. He doesn’t want that. He wants anger, understanding, forgiveness, anything but pity. He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. He should stop, he should shut up and leave, go out for a walk, but all of the sudden there’s all these emotions, these repressed thoughts he kept buried inside, vowing himself he would never talk about it.

“You made me feel confident,” he blurts out. “After you talked about your experience, I thought that you of all people would understand how terrifying it is to go out on your first date, whether people around you care or not… I cared, you cared. It was my first time, and I was nervous, but part of me was like ‘don’t worry, Tommy is here, he will take care of you’,” Buck paces a little, because he can’t help himself. Not noticing how closer it brings him to the pilot when he stops and faces him. “It’s stupid, I know, but that was how much I trusted you, how much I was sure I could pull that off. But instead, you… You just broke my heart and left me all alone to try and put it all back together.”

He looks at Tommy, there’s tears in the pilot’s eyes and that breaks something inside of Buck. This close, he can see how wrecked he is by this entire conversation, a mirror of Buck’s own feelings right now. They both hurt each other so much and neither had any idea. They just followed each other’s lead and let this feeling build up until it was unbearable, until they had no other option but act on it. He could never imagine how much his actions had caused so much pain in Tommy, and now he realizes the same is true for the pilot.

Maybe he should’ve reached out. Maybe he should’ve talked to Maddie about it, ask for her advice. Maybe he should’ve talked to Eddie, see what his friend’s opinion on the matter was. But all he did was bury it all in, swallow his feelings and let that sadness turn into anger and keep it simmering whenever he was around the pilot.

“I was really ready for something back then,” he adds a last thought that comes to him. Looking at Tommy. “And I thought that something could have been with you.”

“Evan…” Tommy calls his name so softly it tugs something at his heart. From the very start, he was always weak by the way the pilot would call his name. Normally, he hated whenever someone else used his given name, but the way Tommy said it was so different it made Buck wish to hear it all the time.

“It’s okay… It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“No, it does matter,” Tommy tells him, coming close to him. They stand face to face in a very similar way to when they were in Buck’s kitchen. Tommy has the same look, of someone entranced by whatever is happening, like he doesn’t see Buck as this annoying brat taking every opportunity to make his life miserable. But as this adorable mess he was before their first kiss – something Tommy had confided him in the beginning of their date. “Look, I…” Tommy sighs and looks up for a moment, as if trying to organize his thoughts. “Yes, I was hurt by the entire thing but… It really is no excuse, you’re right, I should have been honest.”

“We both should have,” Buck gives in, because he can see a bit clearly now that he finally opened up about the entire thing.

“I… I could see you were nervous, I kind of had an idea that that wasn’t the real you, even though I was hurt, I ended things early because of you,” Tommy tells him. “I didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Pr-Pressure me?” Buck asks, tilting his head to the side. Tommy offers him the sweetest, softest laugh to this date ever since everything derailed.

“I could see that maybe you weren’t ready, and I didn’t want to push you further, to make you more uncomfortable. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe I misread things, maybe things had turned out differently if I stayed and we talked… Guess we’ll never know.” Tommy concludes. “I just… Evan, I’m really sorry about all of it. I never meant to hurt you this bad. To make you hate me like this.”

“I… I don’t hate you, Tommy,” Buck admits, because he may feel a lot of things about the pilot but hate surely isn’t one of them. “I guess I just wanted to prove to you that I was ready, that you lost. Or maybe I just wanted you to keep paying attention to me.” He admits quietly and Tommy smiles.

“Sweetheart, I’d never stop paying attention to you,” Tommy tells him, and now they are really close, much like in his kitchen, like every dream he had after it, he feels all of Tommy.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, too,” Buck hears himself saying and he means it. He’d never guess he had caused such damage by one stupid thing he said under those circumstances, but if Tommy could admit to his mistakes, so could he. “Tommy…”

“Hm?” They are unbearably close; Buck can’t remember if they were this close in his kitchen. He can feel everything. Tommy’s closeness overrules everything else in his entire being. He can barely remember what they were supposed to be doing, what took them to this hotel room, how they got in here.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks in a whisper, his breath mingling with Tommy’s.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

The pilot dives in before Buck can think of anything to reply and it’s like fireworks explode inside of him. Unlike the kiss in his kitchen, this one goes deeper, has more power, more heat. It carries the weight of a kiss that has been waiting a year and a half to happen again, and this time it’s not taking survivors. It’s crushing, hot, wet, slop, more teeth than anything else. Tommy’s hands hold him like Buck belongs to him, bringing him impossibly closer to the pilot’s body, flushing their bodies against each other and causing both of them to moan into the kiss. Buck holds his neck and hopes Tommy never leaves again. Now that he has him where he’s been desiring to all those months, he hopes he stays.

“I said your name,” Buck hears himself confessing once Tommy starts to pepper kiss on his jaw, down his throat. “In Vegas, you got on my nerves so much, all I could think about was you…”

“You… what?” Tommy stops and looks at him, Buck feels his face heating up even more.

“Called for you as Anthony was on top of me,” he admits and the hunger that flashes in Tommy’s eyes make him shiver, the pilot kisses him again with a lot more power and force than before. Buck gives all he has and more.

Before he realizes, he’s falling into bed, Tommy covering his body the same way he imagined when he was with Anthony, and this time it feels right. He brings the pilot closer, legs opening to welcome him in. He licks into Tommy’s mouth and is allowed another kiss that makes his entire body tremble with heat, like his blood is boiling up inside of him, melting everything in its path. Tommy thrusts into him, over their clothes and he can feel how hard the man is, their cocks rubbing together through all their layers, Buck moans, shivering all over.

“Like that?” Tommy asks, leaving a trail of fire where his lips pass, going down Buck’s throat until he gets to the collar of his shirt. “That’s what you wanted, baby? What he could never give you?”

It’s hot as fuck how possessive Tommy turns just by the idea of Buck imagining him while being with someone else. He nods, he gives, he moans at the idea, at the power he seems to hold over the pilot for the time being. He follows his lead, helping him remove his shirt and writhing under Tommy’s lips and teeth, leaving marks whenever he can.

“He couldn’t even mark you?” The pilot tsks once he sees Buck’s clear and unmarked skin, disapproving how little care Anthony took of Buck, it was as if the man was never there. He always liked to be marked, to have teeth marks and fingertips all over his body. Anthony was a lot softer in that instance. “What a waste.”

“To… Tommy,” Buck pleads, no idea of what he really wants here, he just knows he wants.

“If I had you all to myself, Evan, I’d mark you up so good no one would even think about trying anything with you.”

“Please…” He begs, craving to be owned by the man on top of him. It’s been in the works for a year and a half, and Buck feels stupid for waiting that long to work things out between them, but now its quite worth it. “Ah…” He gasps when Tommy gives him a sharp bite on his hip bone, sucking and licking in succession. The pilot covers him again, blown up blue eyes find his, a hungry smile playing on his lips.

“Ever found anyone that would come close to what I can offer you?” He asks, sucking on his lip, sucking a bruise on his jaw that will force Buck to use fucking make up during the wedding next day to cover up.

“No… Never… I… I tried, no one ever compared,” he had no idea of what Tommy could actually offer him, but he had an idea. A man like him, he would never offer boring, vanilla sex. Tommy exhales hot, hard and rough sex. The one that would make you walk funny the next day. That would make every other experience a boring missionary one in comparison. “Only you.”

“That’s right,” he nods, licking Buck’s mouth, teasing him, offering something and taking away as soon as Buck gets closer to take it.

“Tommy, please…”

He’s a writhing mess, something he never did before, but he just doesn’t care. He pushes Tommy’s shirt up, trying to take it out of the way, he craves the skin to skin, to see the man’s muscles, the one he could only dream about after that stupid basketball game. He wants to leave scratches down his back, cause him to hiss under the shower when the water hits his skin and makes it sting. Tommy just smiles, not giving anything, and Buck gets impatient. Leveraging himself on the bed and turning them over, so he’s on top of Tommy’s body, straddling his lips.

The pilot stares up at him with poorly veiled lust and voracity. His hands grip Buck’s hips tight and the man smiles down at the other. Pushing his shirt up and removing the offensive piece of clothing, finally taking a good look at the man’s torso. Tommy is all muscles and definition, abs for days that make Buck’s mouth water. He never thought he would ever have a type when it came to men – he barely had one for women – but there was something about the way Tommy was build that made him shiver and crave, and salivate, wanting to take his time lavishing and tasting every inch of the man’s skin.

“Fuck,” Tommy breathes out and Buck smiles.

“That’s the idea.”

“You look like you’re going to eat me alive.”

“Maybe I will,” Buck agrees, before diving in.

Under him, Tommy shakes, shivers, moans and hisses. Buck takes his time savoring the man’s skin, learning every single scar, mole, line and ridge, where he’s softer, where he’s ticklish, where it makes him go crazy. Tommy just allows him to take his time, and Buck feels powerful like he never felt in a while. It’s thrilling to have a man this big, this buff, this strong to relent all the power to him, and Buck doesn’t take for granted. He doesn’t know what tomorrow holds for them, but right now they have some catching up to do.

“Evan…” Tommy calls as Buck takes his time following the happy trail down his navel, leaving soft bites, sucking bruises and licking it all up. He feels Tommy’s hard cock under his chest, twitching at the right movement of his lips and it sends sharp tugs at his own cock. He looks up, finding Tommy’s heated gaze on him and offers him a wicked smile, unbuttoning his pants.

“Can I suck you?” He asks, trailing down the zipper torturously slow.

“Don’t know if I’ll last that long,” Tommy admits and Buck’s dick twitches at the idea of leaving the man such a mess just by taking his time savoring his torso. “You still want me to fuck you, don’t you?”

“Fuck yeah,” he tells him, rubbing Tommy’s cock over the layers of fabric. The man tosses his head back, letting out a sharp moan that vibrates through Buck’s entire body.

He pulls down Tommy’s pants and underwear and his mouth waters once more at the sight of his cock. How long had Buck pictured that, and now he could finally have it. He shouldn’t tease, he can see how close the pilot is, but he can’t resist either, he traces kisses around his cock, licking the area, close enough to touch it, but not daring to go beyond. He pictures Tommy fucking his mouth, using him for his own pleasure and has to stifle his own moan.

“What are you thinking?” Tommy demands to know.

“You fucking my mouth,” Buck admits, without a shame. In his newfound sexuality, he also learned what a cock slut he is, and how proud he is of that. “Using me to chase your own pleasure.”

“Fuck, Evan…” Tommy looks up, one hand closes in fist resting on his forehead as he tries to breath. Like he’s trying to ease away some of his pleasure, trying to last more than a dirty talk.

He can’t predict the movement he does next, maybe it’s something he learned from Muay Thai. All Buck knows is that, all of the sudden, he has his back on the mattress again and Tommy is over him, his cock rubbing on his stomach, smearing it with pre-cum. He thrusts again, the pressure of his body on top of his cock causing Evan to whimper underneath him.

“Such a vivid imagination,” Tommy whispers on top of him, one arm bracing himself and the other wandering to reach Buck’s pants, undoing the button and the zipper. “Can’t wait to hear everything you thought over this past year.”

“So much…” Buck admits, smiling at the pilot. He sighs at the feeling of bare skin when Tommy removes his pants and underwear. “Had to keep myself busy.”

“Fucking all those boys just hoping it was me, huh?”

“They do say there’s a fine line between hate and love,” Buck admits before letting out a loud moan when Tommy grabs his cock. “Lube and condom on the suitcase.”

“You came prepared…”

“Wanted to get lucky one way or the other,” Buck admits, watching as Tommy searches for it inside his suitcase.

“Would you still try to find someone to fill the space you want me to fill so badly?” Tommy asks, getting back on top of him, coating his fingers with lube before reaching for his hole. Buck opens up to him once again, welcoming the familiar intrusion.

“Either that or get us hammered enough to hate-fuck,” Buck offers. “Oh, ri-right there…”

“You’re something else.” Tommy tells him, leaning in to take Buck’s mouth into him, swallowing a moan once he hits Buck’s prostate. “Just like that, baby, taking me so well.”

Buck tries to keep still, but suddenly he’s fucking himself on Tommy’s fingers, taking everything, he has to offer for now as he preps him. His fingers are thick, long, calloused, offering him extra roughness he didn’t think it was possible to like even more. He always liked it hard and rough, but there’s an extra degree to it when it comes to Tommy that he finds exhilarating.

“To-Tommy, please…” He begs, feeling himself coming closer to the edge too fast for his own liking.

“This is how you called me?” Tommy asks. “When he was deep inside of you, fucking you stupid… This was how you called for me?”

“Y-Yeah… Please,” Buck repeats.

“You beg so pretty, baby,” Tommy coos at him, kissing him deeply, like he wants to eat Buck inside out. “Can’t wait to take you apart once we get back home. See how much you can handle. How loud I can make you beg.”

Oh God, Buck is sure he can come just like that. Just with the scenarios Tommy is picturing and describing to him so vividly. The idea of having more of that once they are done with their obligations adds an extra spice to it, he didn’t think it was possible. It’s a promise that it doesn’t have to end it here. Sure, they are both too high on pleasure and lust and expectations, so nothing should be taken seriously, but, at the same time, maybe this is exactly why they should take it seriously. Just like a drunk person’s honesty. It’s a thing, right?

He barely feels the absence of Tommy’s finger before he feels his cock nudging his entrance. He is big, thicker than any other guy he ever hooked up with. And he doesn’t go easy on Evan as most of the others did, he thrusts deep and harder and Buck moans into the other man’s mouth, bringing him closer, sucking on his lips, nails holding on for dear life on his back, leaving half-moon marks on Tommy’s skin.

“This what you wanted?” Tommy asks, breathless on top of him. Buck wraps his legs around his hips, bringing them impossibly closer, flushing Tommy’s chest against his, trapping his own cock between them. It’s so hot. His entire being is being taken over by all things Tommy. All he can think of is the man, all he can feel, smell and taste is Tommy Kinard, the man he thought he hated and refused to acknowledge the presence of. The man he craved for so long it was almost embarrassingly painful.

“Harder,” Buck asks, and Tommy is quick to give.

They teased and they had their time with the other, but now they are both down to business, if the promises are true, they’ll have time to explore, to play around, to take more time to explore the other and learn more, to edge each other. But right now, they just give and take, and Buck feels like the time he was high on those brownies, except it feels a whole lot better, more freeing. He feels all of the anger and sadness and heartbreak disappear. Like drilling into him, Tommy finds a way to put his battered heart together, make him whole.

“Just… Just like that, yeah, Tommy…” He writhes under the pilot, and it takes two more thrusts and he’s coming hard between their bodies, fingernails digging deep on the pilot’s back. “Keep going,” he pleads, and Tommy takes it, using his body the way Buck loves to feel, hearing the man’s hard breath and moans on top of him, taking over his final senses. When Tommy comes, Buck feels sorry for the use of condom, he whishes he could be filled up by the pilot.

~ * ~

I'll wait for your love
Lo-love, I'll wait for your love

When Buck wakes up the next day, he’s alone in bed. As he stretches, he feels deliciously sored. The absence of Tommy is not weird to him, every day this week was like that, with the pilot waking up way before him and going out to exercise. If part of Buck expected he would open an exception today after last night, he’s quick to shove it down and bury it underneath it. He checks the time and sighs; he has time to take a longer shower and get ready before he needs to go to Eddie’s room and start his job as best man.

If all went according to plan, Vanessa went to her parent’s place last night, and they’ll only see each other again once the woman is walking down the aisle. Buck can’t help but smile at the thought that, despite everything, they finally made it to the finish line. His best friend is getting married, and he’ll be there to witness it. With a final stretch, he gets up, takes his towel, an underwear and his bag of toiletries and goes to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He wonders if he should leave it open, an invitation for Tommy to join him, but they are on a schedule here, they can’t take the risk of getting late. Both of them are already on a thin line with Eddie.

Once he’s out of the bathroom, Tommy is back in all his sweaty post work-out glory. He looks like a tall glass of water; Buck thinks as he watches a droplet of sweat coming down his neck and losing itself underneath the collar of his shirt. Tommy snickers at him.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” the pilot teases and Buck blushes a little. It’s a relief that there’s no awkwardness between them.

“Sorry if I like to appreciate the view,” the man replies and Tommy chuckles, coming closer to where Buck still is standing, in front of the door to the bathroom.

“Good morning,” Tommy tells him, taking him in from head to toe. He chose to put some sweatpants and a t-shirt, since they’ll be changing in Eddie’s suite in no time.

“Very good indeed,” Buck agrees, pulling Tommy in to give him a kiss. If he can’t take all of it, he’ll get a sip of it just as an appetizer until he can have the whole course meal again. “Come on, shower’s all yours.”

“Thought it would be ours.”

“What did you just say? Don’t start something you can’t finish,” Buck repeats and moves out of the way so Tommy can take his shower and get semi-ready for the wedding.

As he does so, Buck takes his time organizing his stuff, since they’ll be leaving early in the morning back to LA, and he knows he won’t be in the right mind space to care about his luggage. Hopefully Tommy will once again fuck his brains out, just like last night. Buck wants to spend their time enjoying what they now have instead of wasting it running around the room to make sure he doesn’t forget anything.

Tommy comes out of the bathroom in an outfit similar to his and goes packing his own stuff before they are ready to go to Eddie’s bedroom. As he’s picking his keycard, Tommy stops him. Buck is ready to chastise him when the man opens his mouth first.

“What are we telling him?” Tommy asks and Buck frowns in confusion. It takes him a moment to remember what caused everything that happened the night before.

“I don’t think he wants to hear about you being all possessive about me with another guy,” Buck teases and Tommy groans deep in his throat. “We can act like before minus the bickering and fighting? Once we’re back and he’s not having second thoughts about whether he wants to get married or not, we can tell him the truth.” He doesn’t like the idea to pretend anymore after spending a whole year wasting both of their times in this, but today is about Eddie and Vanessa, not them.

“Sounds like a plan,” Tommy agrees, but pulls Buck in for another kiss before he allows him to go.

He doesn’t think they have everything figured out yet, but for now they have this bubble of bliss and ignorance. Once they are back to their reality, they can sit down and have a more mature, grown-up, normal voices conversation about everything. But for now, they just go through the motions of getting their best friend ready and assured he’s making the right choice.

They welcome the guests; Buck helps Christopher to get ready so the boy can walk side by side with his dad down the aisle. And Tommy absolutely doesn’t cry when Vanessa walks in, looking as beautiful as ever. They don’t exchange teary-eyed looks when Eddie and Vanessa say their vows and Buck doesn’t shove Eddie’s face on the wedding cake as soon as they make their first cut.

There’s not a single dry eye when Buck finishes his speech, and there’s a silence filled with sniffing and blowing noses when Tommy says his. Newlyweds take the dance floor for their first dance, and Buck watches from the sideline as his best friend looks absolutely enamored by the woman he chose to spend the rest of his life with. He’s proud, he’s happy, he’s crying like a baby, and he doesn’t care.

Eddie and he exchange teary hugs, and Buck promises Eddie will be his best man whenever he finds the one – and it’s inevitable that his eyes find Tommy in a very engaging conversation with Eddie’s abuela once he promises that. It’s too soon, but is there such thing when one has been pining for someone for so long?

By the time they get back to their hotel room, Buck is not as drunk as he thought he would be. The day was incredible, everything working out the way it was planned, and Eddie and Vanessa were now ravaging their suite, the same way he plans to do with Tommy – who’s also not as drunk as he thought.

“I… I know we have so much to talk still,” Buck tells Tommy as the man unties both of their ties and starts to unbutton Buck’s shirt. The pilot looks at him, stopping his movements. “But… Once we’re back, we’re still doing this, right?”

“Fucking? Sure.”

“No… I mean, yeah, but…” Buck blushes and Tommy smiles softly at him, placing a kiss on his birthmark, trailing his lips down until they reach Buck’s, kissing him with so much softness Buck feels like crying.

“Do you wanna know if I’ll take you on another date and hope for a better outcome?” Tommy asks him quietly; Buck’s blush is enough of an answer. “I’m afraid you’re not getting rid of me that easily, sweetheart.”

“Good,” Buck nods, looking at Tommy and bringing him in for a kiss, finally having a taste of the tall glass of water he saw that morning. “Next time I’m fucking you as soon as you get back from your workout,” he promises and smiles as the pilot shiver underneath him.

“Whatever you want.”

I'll wait for your love
I'll wait for your love