Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

In the bustling streets of New York City, two of NYPD’s finest detectives sat in wait. Danny Reagan and Maria Baez were extremely close to breaking the case. A dominant drug gang, Los Lordes, had been associated with several recent homicides. The partners were able to recruit a low-level grunt in the gang, named Hector. He folded under pressure and reluctantly agreed to wear a wire. Hector managed to get the gang leaders to agree to a meeting.

“Alright Hector, all you gotta do is get them to talk about the product. The second we see the drugs; we’ll crash the party.” Danny said as he finished fitting the wire on Hector’s jacket.

“What about the murder weapon? Manuel killed my sister's friend. I can’t just let that go man.” Hector insisted. His hands fidgeted in his lap.

“Don’t worry about the gun. If we arrest Manuel on drug charges, we can implicate him in the murders. Just worry about the product. Remember- Manuel thinks you are here to buy his drugs. Don’t freak him out or we won’t ever find the gun.” Danny remarked. He sat back down next to Baez in the van and watched as Hector exited, walking towards the club where the meeting was being held.

Manuel Estevez had been running his gang from this club for many years. The DEA and NYPD had tried many times to implicate Estevez in drug smuggling but were never successful.

“Do you think he can actually pull it off? I mean he seemed way too jumpy today.” Baez questioned, worry evident on her face.

“I’m not sure. Just be ready to go if we need to crash early. ESU is on standby if this goes south.” Danny responded. If he was being honest, he didn’t fully trust Hector not to mess it up. Personal feelings for Manuel could overwhelm Hector. Danny turned his attention to the monitor feed. He watched as Hector walked past the bar and towards a staircase. A large man stood in front of the railing to the stairs. Hector gave the man a handshake, and without saying anything, was allowed to pass into an office. The office had a circular table with two chairs pulled up, and three other men stood off to the side of the room.

“Hector, long time no see mi amigo.” Manuel greeted Hector as he sat down at the table. “Can I offer you a drink?”

“Not today, Manuel, I have no time for pleasantries.” Hector asserted. Clearly not wanting to waste time. “I came here for the product. You got it, or no?”

Danny and Baez listened intently over the headset.

“Well, he didn’t waste any time.” Baez chimed in.

Danny sighed, hoping Hector would listen to his earpiece, “Cool it down kid, don’t scare him off.”

“Easy Hector don’t forget who is boss here. Do you have my money?” Manuel hissed back.

“Course I have your money, but I gotta see product first before you get the cash.” Hector stood his ground, but it was clear that his voice was shaking.

“If I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re working with the cops my friend. That wouldn’t happen to be true, would it?” Manuel said suspiciously, the other three men in the room began to inch closer to the table they were sitting at.

“No... hell no I would never work with cops' man.” Hector stuttered and fidgeted with his hands.

“Reagan, we need to go in there before he blows it.” Baez stood up, reaching for her gun. They could see Manuel getting more suspicious by the second.

Danny gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, “Wait, this might just be a test. Give him a second.”

Baez looked unsure, but she listened to her partner's words and continued watching.

“That’s strange because I heard rumors Hector. I’m not sure if you understand, but that’s not a light accusation my friend.” Manuel stood up from his chair and walked closer to Hector. “If I searched you, would I find a wire? Maybe a camera. Hmm- what do you think Hector?”

“I.. I don’t know what you are talking about Manuel. You wouldn’t find anything.” Hector continued backing up until he was against the wall. The monitor feed showed Manuel leering forward towards him.

“Oh yes, then what is this?” Manuel ripped Hector’s jacket off and the feed disconnected.

“Now do we go?” Baez snarked as she picked up her gun and vest.

“Yes, now we go.” Danny snarked as he grabbed his gun, slightly detesting his partner’s sarcastic comment.

The pair ran towards the club doors, shoving drunks out of the way and pushing past club security. ESU started to breach the club from behind.

“Police, move, get out of the way.” Danny yelled towards the club patrons. He sprinted towards the same staircase they saw earlier. The bouncer from earlier was nowhere to be seen, but Danny didn’t have time to worry about him.

Baez ran close behind Danny. Gunshots rang out from down the hall once the pair reached the top of the staircase.

“Reagan, this way.” Baez pointed towards the door at the end of the hall.

“NYPD, put your hands up.” Danny called out as he kicked down the door.

Hector was on the floor with a gunshot wound to the center of his head. Danny wasn’t sure if he was dead or not. Manuel and his bodyguards stood with guns pointed at the two detectives. Before Danny or Baez could say anything else, Manuel opened fire.

Having no time to react or pull the trigger on his own weapon, Danny felt his chest explode with pain. He suddenly felt the insatiable need to breathe, and his mouth started to taste like iron. He became acutely aware of his surroundings. The icy chill of the floor beneath him, the sound of gunshots around him, and then the sudden lack of noise.

Baez’s face promptly appeared in his line of vision, “Hey, hey Reagan. You’re ok. It’s ok, just breath. Help is on the way.” She pressed hard on his chest.

“B.. Baez, wha-what happened?” Danny stuttered out, still not being able to take a full breath. Blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth.

“Shh, try not to talk. It’ll be ok.” Baez continued putting pressure on his wounds, “What’s the ETA on that bus?” She yelled out to the ESU officer standing closest to her.

“At least 5 more minutes.” The officer replied.

Baez felt her heart squeeze with fear. She wasn’t so sure Danny had that much time. He was losing blood so fast; Baez was worried it would soon get to a point where it was irreversible.

“Well, you better make damn sure they can get up here without any trouble.” The fear for her partner’s life surpassed any sort of common courtesy Baez would normally give.

“L-Linda, k-kids...” Danny tried to force out before ultimately giving up his attempt to talk. His pain addled mind roamed as he thought of his wife and sons. He wanted to hold them close. Danny hoped that Linda could forgive him for getting hurt. He knew that it always freaked her out when other cops were injured on the job, and she even made him promise to stay safe before every shift.

“They are fine, Linda’s just gonna be upset you forgot to put on your vest.” Baez tried to joke, but it fell flat as she noticed that Danny’s eyes were starting to fall shut and his breath was coming in even shorter gasps. “Reagan, stay awake! Don’t close your eyes.”

Danny’s eyes didn’t completely close, but he stared back at her with half-lidded eyes. Maria prayed that the ambulance would get there soon, and that Danny could hold out long enough to get to the hospital.

Danny felt the world closing in on him. His vision wavered and he felt his chest tighten even more than he thought was possible. The urge to breathe was getting stronger and harder. He thought he heard sirens in the distance, but he had no idea whether his brain was playing tricks or not.

“Danny the ambulance is here, they’re gonna take good care of you.” Baez loomed into his line of sight again. He blinked in response, suddenly finding it hard to focus on anything. Danny fully trusted his partner to be able to judge a situation.

The paramedics wasted no time loading Danny on to a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. Baez hopped in beside them – promising to stay out of the way. She watched as they applied gauze to his chest and attached monitors to check his vitals. Baez didn’t have the mental capacity to fully listen to the conversation, she simply held her partner’s hand, hoping it would bring him some sense of comfort.

“Detective,” The paramedic broke Baez out of her thoughts, “I need you to move out of the way, I need to sedate him. His oxygen is way too low, and he needs to be intubated.”

For what felt like the billionth time in the last hour, Baez felt her heart sink. She knew that being intubated was necessary, but it seemed so invasive. Maria let go of his hand and backed away as much as she could, not sure if she could watch her partner be intubated.

Baez diverted her gaze from Danny and took several calming breaths. She thought about how she would tell Linda that her husband was in bad shape and once again prayed that Linda wasn’t working in the emergency room when Danny came in.

The ambulance pulled into the trauma bay. Seconds before the doors opened, a shrill sound pierced the air. Baez instantaneously realized that it was coming from the heart monitor.

“Oh shit,” She whispered to herself in fear.

Chapter Text

Linda had been working in the emergency room all night. To say it had been hell would be an understatement. Dealing with sick patients, traumas, and patients who were just difficult had damped her mood. All Linda wanted was to go home to her boys, snuggle up with her husband, and sleep for as long as she pleased. The paperwork in front of her seemed to be an endless stack, but she would gladly take it over an unruly patient.

“Incoming trauma, three GSW’s to the chest, possible collapsed lung, he coded in the ambulance.” One of the other nurses at the nurse's station recounted. “He’s a police officer.”

Linda sighed; she hated dealing with officer-involved shootings. It always made her think of how dangerous her husband's job could be. She would get through this patient and then call Danny to get her mind off things. “I’ll meet them at the trauma bay.” she said, getting up from her chair at the nurse's station.

Linda ran towards the doors; she saw a paramedic straddling the gurney while he attempted to give chest compressions. The second paramedic was pushing the gurney towards one of the trauma rooms. Out of the corner of her eye, Linda registered that her husband's partner was following behind the patient, and she stopped dead in her tracks. Her brain tried to tell her that it could just be a victim, or it was just a mistake.

She knew she was wrong when she saw the patient’s face, “Danny, no!” Linda cried out when she realized that it was her husband. It was her husband covered in blood. It was her husband who wasn’t breathing, nor was his heart beating. It was her husband who was dying.

Linda tried to push her way into the trauma room, only to be blocked by her fellow nurses. “Linda, honey, you can’t go in there. We’ll do everything we can and send someone out when we know something.”

Linda felt arms wrap around her as her breathing picked up. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes, but she couldn’t cry. Not right now. Not until she knew that Danny was going to be ok.

“He’s a fighter Linda, and they are gonna do everything they can to save him.” Linda then noticed that Baez was the one holding her. She pulled out of the embrace and looked her husband’s partner in the eye.

“Maria, what happened? I didn’t even know that you guys were on a raid tonight. How did this happen?” Linda babbled out, her voice shaking heavily.

Maria exhaled slowly, “We had an undercover operation going on, it went south so fast that we didn’t even have time to put our vests on. They were waiting to ambush us; Danny took three rounds to the chest.”

Linda’s face paled, “Oh my god.” She took a calming breath, “I- I have to call the family.”

“I can do that for you, you just sit down and wait for them to give us an update.” Maria offered, knowing that Linda could barely think straight at the moment.

Baez moved down the hallway enough to be out of earshot, and Linda sat down in one of the waiting room chairs. She dreaded the long night of waiting in front of them.

Thirty minutes later, Maria came back with two large coffees and the promise that she had notified the family. “Commissioner Reagan, Erin, Jamie, and Eddie are on their way.”

“Thank you, uh- who has the boys?” Linda asked- worried about her sons.

“They are with their grandpa. The Commissioner said it was probably better until we know something.” Baez answered.

Linda was slightly upset at her father-in-law but understood that he was just thinking about the wellbeing of his family. She rotated the cup of coffee in her hands, not taking a sip in fear that she wouldn’t be able to keep it down.

“Linda?” One of the top trauma doctors, Dr. Cross, stepped into the hall, “We stabilized Detective Reagan as best we can, and he is being prepped for surgery right now.”

Linda let a breath out that she didn’t know she was holding, “What’s his condition?”

“I won’t lie to you; he is in very bad shape. He has a pneumothorax in his left lung and hemothorax in his right lung. He’s coded twice so far and lost a lot of blood, but we are going to do everything we can to save his life.” Dr. Cross listed off.

Linda gasped and, once again, tears formed in her eyes, “O- ok Doctor, thank you.” She thought of how she had seen patients in better conditions die. Her heart broke as she thought of Danny lying somewhere on a cold, metal slate, fighting for his life.

Footsteps thundered behind her. Linda didn’t have to look to know that it was her family. Desperately trying to pull herself together, Linda turned to face them. She wished that they had arrived a few minutes earlier, just so she didn’t have to repeat what the Doctor had told her.

“How is he?” Erin was the first Reagan to speak up.

“T-They are taking him up to surgery now. He’s already coded twice and both bullets pierced his lungs.” Linda looked down at her feet, not wanting to see the desolate looks on the faces of her family.

“Oh my god,” She heard Erin say. Normally, the family would reprimand such obvious blasphemy, but today it seemed warranted.

Once again, Linda felt as she was wrapped into a tight hug. Jamie, the youngest of the Reagan siblings, took her in his arms and held her. Linda was thankful for the sense of physical grounding. She knew the hug was just as much for Jamie as it was for her.

“Come on, let’s sit down. We’re going to be here for a while,” Her father-in-law said, it was hard to judge his emotion on a normal day, but today he was virtually impossible to read. Linda could tell he was deep in his own thoughts. Ordinarily, she would stand before the family and be the calming presence. Today, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She worried about her husband too much to even calm herself.

The family gathered in the waiting room seats. Linda tried hard not to think about the last time they sat there. They had received the news that Joe had died, and the family hadn’t been the same since. She could only hope that they wouldn’t receive that news tonight. It would destroy her. Erin sat to her left, while Frank sat to her right. Yearning for something to ground her thoughts from roaming freely, she looked around the room. Frank and Jamie both had their eyes shut in prayer, Baez was staring at her lap, and Erin was glancing at Linda. Without saying a word, her sister-in-law reached for Linda’s hand and gave her a sad smile. Linda laid her head on Erin’s shoulder and began to softly weep.

“He’ll be ok, if I know my brother, I know that he won’t ever leave you if he doesn’t have to.” Erin whispered so that only Linda could hear.

Tears fell softly down her cheeks, “That’s what worries me... what if he has to?” Linda sorrowfully asked.

Erin wasn’t sure, and it scared her to death.

Chapter Text

Erin sat as still as possible. Her sister-in-law’s head laid on Erin’s shoulder, though she had no idea if Linda was sleeping or not. The clock neared 3 am. But given the circumstances, Erin guessed Linda was still wide awake.

“Hey, Linda, do you want to find somewhere to lay down? We’re still going to be here for a while.” Erin whispered calmly in Linda’s ear. It was almost as if she was talking to a small child instead of her adult sister-in-law. But Linda didn’t seem to notice or mind.

Linda shook her head against Erin’s shoulder, “I’m staying here until we know something.”

“Okay, I just thought that I would ask.”

Erin should have known that her sister-in-law was almost as stubborn as her older brother. Danny and Erin were the closest in age of all the Reagan siblings. The pair fought as children, but they still loved each other. Erin remembered the first time she had been asked out on a date. She had been a freshman in high school and Danny was a junior. The guy had stood her up, but one phone call later- and Danny was sitting with her at the restaurant, talking about how he was going to kick the guy’s ass. Danny made her childhood so much better, and even in adulthood- Erin still felt close to her brother.

Now, she was stuck in a hospital waiting room, holding her brother's wife, praying that she wouldn’t have to bury another brother. Erin wasn’t sure that her heart could hold that kind of weight again.

She took a glimpse around the room. It was late enough at night that the waiting room was practically empty- except for the Reagan family. Everyone but Pop, Jack, Sean, and Nicky were sitting in the waiting room. Pop was keeping an eye on the kids; it was too late at night to worry about wrangling several teenagers. But as soon as it was morning- they would be joining the wait. Erin could only pray that they had news by then.

“It’s been over three hours, when are we going to know something?” Jamie was the first Reagan to speak up since Danny went into surgery.

“These things take time, son. Maybe the fact that we haven’t heard anything is good. It means he’s still alive.” Her Dad wisely spoke.

Erin felt Linda tense next to her. The grip she had on Linda’s hand tightened. Erin hoped that her sister-in-law’s thoughts weren’t going to the worst- but she knew they probably were.

“Well have they at least caught the son-of-a-bitch.” Jamie’s temper started to flare – he was always considered the calm one of the family, but his temper could sometimes rival even that of Danny’s.

“ESU told me that Manuel Estevez died on scene.” Baez interjected; the detective trying to ease the tension across the room.

Erin hoped that would at least calm her youngest brother a little bit. Jamie’s shoulders relaxed a little. It was enough to settle him down for a little bit.

Erin always admired her youngest brother for his passion. Jamie loved and he loved fiercely. It was certainly a redeeming quality of his. Linda stirred on her shoulder. Erin shifted as her sister-in-law sat up – still holding her hand.

“I’m sorry, I just need to take a walk. Let me know if the doctors give an update.” Linda walked off briskly.

Erin looked quickly around the room. Making eye contact with her father – he gave a concerned expression. Not even ten minutes ago, Linda had said she didn’t want to leave until the Doctor came with news. Erin realized this meant that Linda had probably not wanted to cry in front of everyone.

Her father started to stand up, but Erin put her hand on his shoulder.

“I’ll go. I don’t really think she wants to broadcast her emotions to everyone.” Erin said, hoping her father would understand.

“I understand, I know she’s having a hard time tonight. Just go make sure she’s ok.” Frank responded.

Erin nodded and started in the direction that Linda ran off in. She hoped that Linda wasn’t too hard to find. She didn’t have to look too hard though. Erin found Linda standing next to a window. Linda stared absentmindedly at the night sky.

Erin knew that Linda’s thoughts were about her husband. Even though Linda was married to her brother, Erin thought of Linda as one of her closest friends. Hell- they were all kids together, Linda, Danny, Erin, Joe, and Jamie.

“You alright?” Erin asked gently, not wanting to spook Linda.

“Y-Yeah, just thinking. That’s all.” Linda wrapped her arms around herself, “How’d you know I’d be here.”

“Just a hunch, y’know... sometimes I think you forget that we’ve known each other for most of our lives.” Erin laughed slightly.

Linda smiled sadly, “Yeah, I guess it just doesn’t feel like it was long ago I would come to your house every afternoon once school got out.”

“Well, it’s not like you were there to spend time with just me.” Erin joked, trying to take Linda’s mind off things.

“No, but it was an added bonus. Your brother was the best part though.” Linda looked back out the window, “I don’t know what I’m going to do if he doesn’t make it. Erin- I can’t live without him.”

“Ok- first off, that’s not going to happen. Danny is fighting to come back to you as we speak. But on the horrible chance that it does happen, you won’t be alone. The family will be there for you and the boys. We have to believe that he is going to pull through.” Erin used a mix between her lawyer and sister voice.

Linda didn’t say anything back, she turned around. With tear streaks painted on her face, Linda hugged her sister-in-law as tight as she could. The pair both stood in the hall and cried.

“Linda, Erin,” Jamie shouted as he ran down the hall. “The doctor just came to talk; we told him to wait until we had both of you.”

The trio hastily walked back down the hall to the waiting room. Linda’s frame shook with anxiety. Erin reached for her hand again and prayed that the news wouldn’t be the unthinkable.

Chapter Text

Linda gripped on to her sister-in-laws hand as hard as she could. She hoped that Erin didn’t mind. It distracted Linda enough to try and calm down. Dr. Cross stood in the waiting room- his face was practically emotionless.

“How is he?” Linda asked, her body shook with fear.

Dr. Cross sighed, “I want to preface by saying that Detective Reagan is still alive, but his body has suffered an immense amount of trauma. We decided it would be best if we stopped the surgery for the time being. His body couldn’t handle finishing the surgery. He coded three times on the table.” The doctor paused to let the family process the information.

Linda knew that if they didn’t think he could handle finishing the surgery, it was very serious. She shook her head.

“We were able to repair the pneumothorax in his left lung and remove the bullet. But the bullet that pierced his right lung is a different story. It is imbedded deep in the tissue behind his lung. We can’t remove it without transferring his oxygen through a process called ECMO. Right now, it would be too taxing on his body.” Dr. Cross continued. “We are going to give him the rest of the night in the ICU to try and gain some strength back before we go back in.”

“Doctor, what are his chance?” Frank broke the silence. The rest of the family sat still, clearly trying to process everything. Linda’s nurse brain helped her to understand everything, though she wasn’t sure if that was truly helpful in this situation.

“I’m not going to lie to you, they are very slim. The chance of having lasting damage is possible too. He has been without oxygen several times tonight; we just won’t know anything concrete yet” The doctor recognized that it would be best to not sugarcoat the condition of his patient to a family full of law enforcement and medical professionals.

“Uh- can... can I see him please?” Linda pleaded with the Doctor.

“I’m not sure if that is a good idea, the Detective needs the least amount of disruptions as possible.”

Linda felt her blood boil, “Doctor, you just told me that my husband might not make it through the night... I-I don’t give a damn if you don’t think it is a good idea. I need to be with him if he is going to...” Linda paused, not daring to say the word. She didn’t want to think like that.

The doctor looked like a nurse had never spoken to him like that.

“If you know what’s good for you, I suggest that you let her in there,” Erin insisted, knowing that because her sister-in-law was so stubborn that Linda would find a way to be with Danny no matter what.

“Alright, I guess follow me.” Dr. Cross sighed dejectedly. Linda shook her head in agreement and went along with the Doctor. A quick thirty seconds later, they stopped in front of Danny’s ICU room. “I will warn you, he looks pretty rough, but I can tell he seems like a fighter.”

Linda paused in front of the door and wondered what she was going to see, “Thank you Doctor.” She took a deep breath and stepped into Danny’s room. Her husband was a mess of wires and tubes. Danny looked as pale as the white linen on the bed. His chest puffed up and down mechanically- courtesy of a ventilator.

“Oh, Danny,” Linda whispered sorrowfully. Her heart hurt. She pulled a chair next to the bed and grabbed his hand. She badly wished she could crawl in bed and hold him. Of course, being a nurse, she knew better. The heart monitor beeped steadily in the background. Her nursing instincts kicked in as she observed Danny’s vitals. His blood pressure was extremely low, and his heart rate seemed to be too slow. “Danny, you have to fight for us and for the boys. I can’t lose you babe.”

Danny didn’t respond or show any signs of him hearing her. Linda silently sobbed, her exhaustion and stress finally catching up to her. She had been up since well before her shift started. Linda didn’t know the time anymore. All she knew was that she wasn’t going to leave her husband’s side – even if that meant getting some sleep in a plastic hospital chair. Linda laid her head next to Danny’s head and closed her eyes.

Only a few short minutes later, Linda was abruptly woken up by the ear-splitting sound of a flatline. It was a sound she knew all too well, but she was frozen in place. The medical team rushed into the room. An older nurse, one that she couldn’t remember the name of, ushered her out of the room with the promise of giving her news when they had some. Linda stood in the hall, tears falling freely down her cheeks. Without even realizing, she backed into her father-in-law.

“Linda, what happened?” Frank asked gently.

“I-I don’t know, I remember falling asleep, but I don’t know for how long. Next thing I know, he’s coding again. They kicked me out.” Linda hyperventilated, not knowing what to do with herself.

Frank pulled his daughter-in-law into his grasp and firmly hugged her. Trying to calm himself as much as he was trying to calm her. His fears for his oldest son growing exponentially by the minute. They stood in the hallway for 20 minutes before the doctor came out to speak with them.

“Mrs. Reagan, your husband’s heart stopped because of the immense stress and trauma his body has endured tonight. It is going to continue to stop unless we remove the bullet still in his lung. I must ask you; do you want us to continue extreme lifesaving measures?” This time it was not Dr. Cross being the bearer of bad news. The new doctor’s name tag read ‘Dr. Wright’.

Linda gasped and put her hand over her mouth, “Oh-Oh my god.”

“We will be conducting some tests for brain activity. You don’t have to decide right this second, however, I do encourage you to decide soon.”

“So- you think he might be brain dead?” Linda choked out.

“We will continue to monitor Detective Reagan’s condition and conduct tests, but at the moment we have no concrete answer. When you have reached a decision, you can find me at the nurse's station.” Dr. Wright nodded at the two and swiftly walked away.

“Frank... I-I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to make this decision?” Linda panicked, “They are basically asking me to kill my husband.” She looked to the man she considered to be her father for guidance.

“Linda, that is not what he was asking,” Frank said calmly- as if he was talking to a child. “They just don’t want him to suffer if he has brain damage from the sheer amount of times his heart has stopped tonight. And I think you know that.”

Realistically, Linda knew that what the Doctors were asking was necessary. She was a nurse for God's sake. If the Doctors seriously thought that Danny had a fighting chance, they wouldn’t be asking her to sign a ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ order.

“I-I know, I don’t want him to suffer, but I don’t know if I can let him go.” Linda sobbed as her breathing fastened.

Frank reached out to pull Linda into his arms again and tried to calm her down, “It’s hard. Believe me, I know. Before Mary died, we had the discussion of her wanting a DNR. She had suffered for so long, and the cancer had ravaged her body. We got to make that decision together and it was single-handedly the hardest one I’ve ever made. I know that whatever choice you make, Danny would be supportive of you.”

“The Doctors said that they will be conducting tests, I want to know what they find out.” Linda sniffled and pulled herself together before she let go of her father-in-law's hand. She started down the hall towards the nurse's station, knowing that they wouldn’t be allowed back in to see Danny for a while longer still.

Linda and Frank sat down in the row of chairs next to the nurse's station and waited. The rest of the family had left for the morning, and Henry would presumably be bringing her sons soon. She took a deep breath and tried to tell herself that the boys would be fine. Jack and Sean were both teenagers now, but they would always be her children, and Linda would always have the need to protect them. She just prayed that they wouldn’t have deal with the unthinkable.

Chapter Text

About 45 minutes passed before her children showed up. Linda and Frank sat in the hallway by the waiting room. Her eyes had been closed in a slight attempt at sleep. Pounding footsteps jerked Linda awake. Jack, Sean, and Henry practically ran towards them. Beside her, Frank straightened himself out. Linda took a breath to pull herself together. Her boys did not need to see her falling apart.

“Mom, how’s Dad?” Jack asked as he pulled his mom into a hug. Her oldest seemed to be the one holding it together the most.

Linda removed her son's arms from around her, “Right now, we don’t know much. He’s still not strong enough to go in for a second surgery.” She paused, unsure if she should tell them the rest. It was the truth, just not all of it.

“But that’s not everything... is it, Mom?” Sean added timidly.

When did her boys become so smart? She thought to herself. They were both teenagers now, Jack was 16 and Sean was 13. She couldn’t hide things from them anymore. Especially with such a high possibility that they would have to say goodbye to their father. Linda sighed and looked to Frank for guidance. He nodded and put his arm around her shoulder.

“No, it’s not... Y-your dad his heart’s stopped a lot tonight. The doctors aren’t sure if he’s- if he’ll wake up.” Linda glanced between them and paused to give the two a second to process before continuing, “They are performing some tests to check his brain activity. Once they are done, I can ask if we can see him.”

Neither boy said a word, and it worried her. Linda couldn’t expect them to talk though- if it were up to her, she would be screaming and crying on the floor, but she had a family to be strong for. Linda gazed into both sets of tear-filled eyes, knowing that they were trying so hard not to cry. She was also at a loss for words. Thankfully Frank stepped in.

“C’mon boys, let's go sit in the waiting room. The rest of the family should be back soon.” He reasoned; a look of empathy showed on his face. Linda gave him a small smile as a sign of gratitude. The four of them made their way to the main waiting room and sat down. For the umpteenth time in the last few hours, more waiting was to be done. Not long after they sat down, Erin and Jamie arrived.

“Have you heard anything yet?” Jamie asked no one in particular.

“No, but we should be hearing something soon. They’ve been conducting tests for the last hour.” Linda heard Frank as he replied, but her mind was elsewhere. She glanced to her left and right, both of her boys sat on either side of her. Linda wanted to keep her thoughts positive, but all she could think about were the other cops' wives that she had sat with while their husbands were dying. She quickly shook those thoughts from her head and started thinking of the early days- how they met as children and started dating in high school, she thought of how they had married young and had their own kids young, and how close their family was. It gave her a small semblance of peace knowing they were there with her.

It would quickly be ruined. Linda saw as Dr. Cross walked towards the family. She stood up, and Sean and Jack followed suit. Being a nurse for so long, Linda quickly recognized the look on his face, and she sent a quick prayer that she was wrong. She felt her heart fall into her stomach once he got closer.

“Doctor, is he...?” She couldn’t bear to finish her sentence. Linda noticed that the rest of the family had stood up, her two sons firmly planted next to her.

“Mrs. Reagan, would you mind if we spoke in private?” The doctor said sympathetically. Linda knew what he was going to tell her.

“N-no, wh-whatever you have to say, say it here because I don’t think I can repeat it” She stifled a sob. Sean’s hand found hers and squeezed tightly.

Dr. Cross sighed deeply, “Detective Reagan was officially declared brain dead at 9:36 AM. He is still on a ventilator, but we have moved him from the ICU so that you can say goodbye. I am so sorry.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks, Linda felt her like her legs turned to jelly. Someone behind her gasped, but she couldn’t tell who.

“Whenever you’re ready to see him, Detective Reagan will be in room 322.” Dr. Cross finished and left the family to deal with the bomb that had just been dropped. Slight murmurs from the family were tuned out almost immediately as Linda retreated into the depths of her mind.

The nurse side of Linda knew that they would have to take Danny off the ventilator eventually. But the wife side of Linda wanted everything to be a nightmare. She knew that even though he would appear to still be in a coma, her husband was never going to wake up. She wanted to be with him, to hold his hand, as he officially passed.

“Someone else can go first,” Linda interjected quietly. She had no idea what the conversation pertained to though.

“What was that sweetheart?” Frank questioned way too softly for someone who just lost a second child.

“I said that someone else can go see Danny first. I want to be with him when he...” She stopped herself before she could say anything more. Linda only hoped that the rest of the family understood that she needed the most time with him, and she needed to be with him when he needed her the most.

The only response she received was several nods. She sat back down and leaned her head against the wall with her eyes shut. She wondered how something like this could happen. Or why it would happen. Someone got up from a chair close to her and walked down the hall. She couldn’t be bothered to see who it was; she just squeezed her eyes shut and tried to prepare herself for her turn.

Chapter Text

After the doctor had come out to tell them that his older brother was brain dead, Jamie swore he felt his heart stop. When Linda suggested that someone else be the first one to see him, Jamie felt horrible. His Dad and Pop gently pushed him in the direction of Danny and Erin nodded her approval. His older sister’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. His nephews and Linda didn’t even spare him a glance. Jamie didn’t take it to heart though, Linda was clearly trying to hold herself together long enough for everyone else to say their goodbyes.

Before he knew it, Jamie was standing outside the door to Danny’s room. He knew that the doctor said it was ok to just go in, Jamie couldn’t help but feel like he was invading his brother's privacy. Despite them both being adults, Danny still referred to Jamie as his ‘kid brother’. It used to annoy Jamie, but now he would give anything to hear it said one more time.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Jamie pushed the door open. The hiss of a ventilator filled the room. Danny’s skin was extremely pale, and bruises littered his face. He felt like the 10-year-old version of himself again- the same 10-year-old self that held his mother’s dying hand and said his goodbyes. Somehow... this felt worse. His mom’s death, while heartbreaking, had been expected. Danny’s wasn’t. Neither was Joe’s.

Jamie had already lost one brother, one best friend, and now another one was being ripped away from him again. It was too soon.

“Hey Danny,” Jamie started, his voice breaking. “It’s me, Jamie.”

He paused and swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, “You’ve always been the tough one. Looking out for us. Always having my back.”

Jamie’s eyes fell on Danny’s face. A face that he prayed to God would twitch and come to life. “I wish... I wish you could fight it, Danny. But I know it’s not in your hands anymore.”

Tears welled up in Jamie’s eyes, spilling over and trickling down his cheeks, “I want you to know, Danny, that you have taught me so much. You’re the best big brother I could have asked for. I know that after Joe died, we had our differences... but I still love you.”

Jamie squeezed Danny’s hand gently, “I’m gonna miss you, Danny. We all are. I promise that I will take care of Linda and the kids. I’ll look after them like you always did for me.”

With that, Jamie leaned in and gave his brother a gentle kiss to the forehead, “Goodbye, Danny.” His voice exposed his emotion, “I love you big brother.”

Jamie Reagan walked towards the door, he stopped and took one last look at his older brother and cried.

Chapter Text

Once Jamie was done, he returned to the waiting room. Jack and Sean had decided that they would go next. It was no sense in delaying the inevitable. The two teenagers begrudgingly made their way to the room their father was lying in.

Jack reached for the doorknob, but Sean quickly grabbed his hand.

“I’m scared Jack,” Sean admitted, “What if this is how I’ll remember him for the rest of my life?”

Jack sighed, as the older brother, he knew it was his job to comfort his 13-year-old brother. The trouble was- Jack was struggling to comfort himself as it was. He tried his best though, “We have plenty of good memories with Dad. Just think of those.”

Sean paused as if he were deep in thought, “Like the time when Mom got stuck late at work and Dad almost burned the house down cooking dinner.” He smiled slightly.

“Exactly,” Jack grinned. “Now just think about those happy memories when we go inside.” The 16-year-old reluctantly pushed the door open and led the way, he wanted to be strong for Sean.

The sound of a heart monitor slowly beeped in the background. Their Dad was covered with tubes and wires- each one seemed completely meaningless now. Bit by bit, they approached their dad’s bedside.

Jack was the first to speak, “Hey Dad,” He said quietly, “It’s Jack and Sean. We... we wanted to say goodbye. Mom’s outside waiting. She wants everyone else to have their chance before she comes to see you. Guess it was our turn...” Jack trailed off.

Sean, taking a step next to his brother, nodded, “Dad,” He began, his tiny voice barely audible, “You’ve always been our hero. Always protecting us, never shying away from giving a valuable lesson, but not afraid to show your humor.”

Jack reached over to grab Danny’s hand, “You’ve taught us both so much with so little time. Thanks to you- we can learn to be good, strong Reagan men. We’ll carry that with us forever.”

Sean nodded again before adding, “We’re going to make you proud Dad. We promise.”

Tears freely streamed down both boys' faces, “We love you Dad, and we are so proud of you.” Jack choked out.

“Goodbye Dad,” Sean sobbed. The two brothers shared a moment of silence before grabbing each other into a tight embrace.

Before they left their dad’s room, they vowed to be the best they could be in honor of him. They also vowed to make sure their mom would be ok, though they both knew that she was currently far from ok.

Chapter Text

Erin sat in the waiting room chair with her head hung towards her lap. She didn’t have the energy to keep sitting in this waiting room, with the same medical staff giving the same pitiful looks. Each of the family members were bidding time until it was their turn to say goodbye. Jamie had been first, though he left immediately after claiming that he needed fresh air. He still wasn’t back- that had been nearly an hour ago. Danny’s two sons were currently with him. Erin hoped that Jack and Sean knew it was ok to take as much time as they needed. She knew what it was like to lose a parent, though she wasn’t nearly as young as they were.

Linda was a completely different story. Her sister-in-law had gone practically catatonic. She had barely moved or said a word. Erin worried for her. She knew this was going to be hard.

A few more minutes passed before Jack and Sean emerged from Danny’s room. Both boys’ eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. Without saying a word, they retook their spots next to Linda.

Erin looked quizzingly at her father. She started to open her mouth to ask who would be next, but he shut her down.

“I’m going to check on Jamie, don’t worry about me for now.” Her father deflected. Erin knew that realistically he was avoiding it. Everyone knew that Frank Reagan hated hospitals. And she didn’t blame him.

“What about you, Pop?” Erin asked her grandfather.

Pop looked at Linda and the boys before answering, “You go ahead sweetheart, I’ll stay here for now.” He gave her a reassuring smile. She almost hated it. It reminded her of when he would look at her as a little girl. When she was a little girl with virtually no worries or cares in the world.

Erin pursed her lips and reluctantly made her way down the godforsaken hall. She had no idea what she was going to say to Danny, but she knew that she would forever hate herself if she said nothing.

When she finally reached the door, Erin didn’t hesitate to push it open. Hesitation wasn’t a word in Erin Reagan’s vocabulary, but today she wished it was. Danny looked even worse than she could have imagined. Tears, that she had worked so hard to keep at bay, instantly sprung to her eyes.

She inched closer to Danny’s bedside, “Hey Danny,” She murmured. “It’s Erin. I know that you can’t hear me, but I need to say this.” She reached for his hand and flinched when she felt how cool it was. “I’m sorry we fight so much. I guess it just comes with closeness in age, either that or it’s just how stubborn we both are.” She paused and chuckled as if she were waiting for some witty comeback he would throw in her face.

Danny laid still, completely unresponsive. She was stupid to think he would respond, “I wish it wasn’t like this Danny. We’ve been through so much together. Remember when mom used to get upset because I would be outside wearing your pants and digging in the dirt with you.” Erin smiled fondly at the memory. Despite the fights they could get in- they had a fantastic childhood together. Being the closest Reagan siblings in age, it worked out very well for them.

She closed her eyes and thought of decades worth of memories- good and bad. Erin’s lip twitched upward at a particular memory, “Remember the first time we caught fireflies together? We must have sat outside for 4 hours before Grandma Betty finally dragged us inside. I think I still have the jar we used.” Her voice trembled, “I wish we could go back to that.”

Erin shook her head away from the childhood memories. She thought of her daughter, Nicki, who despite trying her hardest to catch a flight home, would be unable to say her goodbyes to her uncle, “Nicki sends her love to Uncle Danny. She tried so hard to be here Danny. It just didn’t work out.”

Erin then thought of Linda, her sister-in-law, who was falling apart at the seams, “I’m worried about Linda, Danny. You are her rock, and she has just started plummeting to the ground. She’s strong, but Danny, this loss...” Her throat tightened, “How is she going to bear it? How are any of us going to do it?”

Erin leaned closer so that she was touching Danny’s hand with her forehead, “Promise me you’ll still look out for all of us. You don’t have to worry about the family, we have each other to lean on.”

An unwanted sob made its way past her lips as the heart monitor continued to drone on. Erin took a chesty sigh, “Goodbye big brother.” She whispered, “I love you.”

Erin stood up and made her way to the door, taking one last look at her brother. Danny’s face remained still, but she hoped that somewhere deep in his subconscious that Danny was able to hear her. She walked out of the room- leaving a piece of her heart with him.

As she returned to the miserable waiting room, she was surprised to find that her father and Jamie hadn’t returned from outside yet. Erin made eye contact with Pop. Some sort of non-verbal agreement was reached between the two. Pop got up from the chair he had been occupying. Still without a word, he embraced his only granddaughter and made his way towards Danny’s room.

Chapter Text

Henry sat at Danny’s bedside. Tubes and wires snaked from Danny’s still form. They connected him to machines that monitored his weakened heartbeat. The rhythmic beeping was a cruel reminder of what they couldn’t have.

His hands trembled as he reached out to touch Danny’s forehead. The younger man’s skin was cool to the touch. Henry’s eyes welled up with tears, and he cleared his throat, struggling to find the right words.

“Danny,” He whispered as his voice cracked. “You’re so much like your father, you know? Francis is just as stubborn as you. Never backing down from a fight his whole life. Just like you, my boy.”

He traced the bony outline of Danny’s knuckles, memories flooding back. Francis Reagan, his son, was the highly decorated police commissioner, but he was an even better father. Danny, Erin, Joe, and Jamie were all incredibly lucky to have him as their father. Danny had followed in his father’s footsteps and adjourned the family tradition of wearing an NYPD badge with pride.

“Remember when you were a boy, and you’d argue with your old man about everything? Francis would just shake his head, but secretly, I think he enjoyed your tenacity. One time, I remember he told me that he hoped Jack and Sean were as stubborn as you were with him.” Henry chuckled sadly.

Henry leaned slightly closer, “You were his heart, Danny. I’m not sure if he knows how he will move on. Of course, we’ll help each other, but he’s already avoiding it.”

The room seemed to be closing in on him, Henry’s chest tightened, “I’m sorry, my boy. Sorry that life dealt you this hand. But you’re not alone. I know that Betty and your mom are waiting for you. Say hello to them for me.” Henry gave Danny’s hand one last squeeze, “Rest now Danny. You’ve earned it.”

And in that quiet space, Henry whispered his final goodbye to his oldest grandson- holding the notion that Danny’s death was partially caused by the Reagan family’s blue legacy. He left the room in search of his son, knowing that this would tear Francis apart.

Chapter Text

When he saw Henry Reagan marching towards him, Frank knew that it was time to face his fear. Jamie had gone back inside about 10 minutes before, so he had to have told Henry where Frank was.

“Come on Francis, it’s your turn.” Pop chastised his son lightly, not wanting to go too hard on him.

Franked frowned slightly, “I know Pop.”

Henry nodded encouragingly at him. He understood the uneasiness of seeing your loved one in such a dire state. Frank attempted to smile back, but it came out as more of a grimace.

Eventually, he made it to Danny’s room and pushed the door open. The sterile hospital room was a vast contrast to the empty parking garage roof he and Jamie had stood on before. Danny looked pale and bruised as the others had said but seeing it with his own eyes hurt still.

His son lay there, eyes closed, mouth slightly ajar with a tube sticking out. Frank’s heart clenched as he traced the lines etched by years of duty – the same lines he’d seen on his own face in the mirror. Danny had inherited more than just his name; he’d inherited the Reagan legacy- the burden of honor, service, and sacrifice.

“Damn it, Danny.” He whispered, as a shell of a broken man. “I should have protected you better. Should’ve shielded you from the job. Maybe you would have learned that it was ok to go a different direction.” His fingers brushed along Danny’s forehead. “Life doesn’t always go as planned though, I guess.”

He remembered the day Danny was born – the joy, the fear, the excitement of new life. He remembered being in awe the first time he saw Danny being held by his mother. Mary had held their son, eyes filled with wonder and exhaustion. Yet she still comforted Frank, by telling him how good of a father he would become. Frank had vowed to keep them safe, to be the protector they needed. And now, he’d failed them both.

“You’re so much like your mother,” Frank murmured. “Stubborn, relentless. She always fought tooth and nail for what she believed in.” Mary had always been his rock. Her loss still haunted Frank. Though, his biggest relief at the time was his 4 kids. Not even 10 years later, a family of 6 was now down to just 3.

“And Joe...” Frank’s voice cracked. His late son, taken too soon, had always taken part in the Reagan sibling antics. Danny and Joe, at one point, had been inseparable. Joe’s death had shattered the family, leaving scars that even time couldn’t erase. “He’d be so proud of the cop – of the man you’ve become.”

Frank glanced at the wall, “I worry about the whole damn family,” he admitted. Erin, Jamie, Eddie, Linda, Jack, Sean, and Pop – they all carried the Reagan name, each with their own personal battles. “We’re fighters Danny, but sometimes even fighters get knocked down.”

He leaned closer and his breath hitched with emotion, “Mary, Joe,” he whispered, “Look after him. Guide him through it all. And tell- and tell him we’ll be ok. He doesn’t have to worry about us.”

The atmosphere in the room was tense, as if it were being decided by Danny’s heartbeat. Frank leaned down to kiss Danny’s forehead, “Rest now, my son.”

As he stepped away, Frank felt a heavy weight on his shoulders, “Be good, my boy. And tell you mother hello for me.”

He slipped back through the door and into the empty hallway. Frank knew that he was responsible for letting Linda know it was her turn. Slowly, he walked in the direction of his daughter-in-law.

Chapter Text

Linda had not said a word since before Jamie went to see Danny. She could feel the worried looks from her family as they bore down on her. They all probably thought she was catatonic, really, Linda was just deep in thought. She reflected on the last few days with her husband, before the...accident. How had they been so ignorant of what was to come? They had just barely started making anniversary plans... their wedding anniversary was in a week. Linda inhaled sharply- how could she forget that? Of course, she knew that the last 24 hours had wreaked havoc on her mental state.

One by one, she quietly watched as family members came and went. Each returned with a solemn look and tear-streaked faces. Linda, selfishly, wished they would hurry. Part of her, however, wanted them to take their time. It would let her sit in the false reality where Danny was still Danny. Not the shell of Danny.

Her medical training, that she had tried so hard to push into the depths of her brain, took over. As much as she wanted to believe that Danny would just wake up, she knew that brain death was not reversible.

Footsteps down the hall finally broke her out of her daze. Linda recognized the form of her father-in-law as he sauntered down the hall. He looked like a broken man. The thought of the strong police commissioner of the NYPD, shattered by family loss, was too hard to bear.

Still not saying a word, Frank took a seat in front of Linda. He squeezed her hand and attempted to give a comforting smile. Linda appreciated what he was trying to do and squeezed back.

She still hesitated, wishing desperately that this was a nightmare and that she would wake up soon.

“It’s ok. Go be with him.” Frank encouraged.

Linda nodded to acknowledge him and tried to pull herself together. She stood up from the chair she had occupied for the last several hours. Her legs threatened to give out on her. Jack reached his hand out to steady her. She pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. Sean joined the hug. A few seconds passed before Linda released her boys. She patted each of them on the cheek and made her way down the hall.

Slowly, she paced her way until she waited in front of the door. She had already seen Danny since he had been out of surgery, but she knew that what she would find behind this door was worse. She wasn’t going to be able to avoid going in for much longer. She needed to be strong. This was her worst fear, but she would have to face it.

Linda opened the door to the sterile room. She immediately noticed how small Danny looked. His face was littered with bruises, all more visible due to his pale complexion. She moved close to the bed and sat down.

She reached out, her fingers delicately brushing against his cheek, “Oh Danny,” Linda her voice barely recognizable. She cried so much that she wasn’t even sure how she could talk. “What am I going to do?”

Linda blinked back tears and lowered her head, “Do you remember when we first met? The way you took a chance on the little neighbor girl with an awful homelife? Always the big brave one looking out for me.” She continued.

“I spent a lot of time at the Reagan household. Got to know everyone, but you were my favorite. When you finally asked me out of a date, I think I cried the happiest tears of my life.” Linda swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Now here I am, unable to face the fact that I won’t go through life with you anymore.”

She mentally remembered their wedding day, they had been young, but they knew it was right. Danny and Linda would follow each other to the ends of the earth, “We were so young Danny, but we loved each other and that was all that mattered. We promised each other a lifetime, and I believe that promise.”

Linda struggled to compose herself, but she had to get the words out. She would forever hate herself if she didn’t. “Our boys... Jack and Sean, t-they are too young to lose their father. But you were so good to them. They adore you Danny, this won’t be easy for them. Or for any of us.”

She thought of what she was going to miss the most, “Danny, I’m gonna miss everything. I wish we could have celebrated our anniversary one more time. It’s next week, you know. I’m gonna miss the little things. I wish I could have told you everything I wanted to tell you when you could still hear me.”

Her tears flowed freely now; Linda had given up on keeping herself together. “I love you so much Danny, I wish more than anything we were together and safe. I wish we had more time. We were supposed to grow old together- it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”

Linda paused to catch her breath between sobs. She gripped Danny’s hand as if it were her lifeline. “It’s okay baby, I know that you have to go. I know that if you didn’t have to leave, you wouldn’t. You did so well. You fought so hard.”

Her chest constricted impossibly tighter, “Danny, I love you.”

Instinctively, Linda waited for Danny to respond with the second part of their catchphrase. When no response came, Linda added, “I love you the most.”

She sat there, holding his hand, reminiscing about their past and what her future was now going to look like. She was no longer a wife- her title was now widow. It absolutely disgusted her. Linda knew that she would have to go get the doctors soon. She couldn’t delay the inevitable forever. She knew what was coming, but she wasn’t ready to let go. Not yet.

So, she crawled into the tiny hospital bed and laid her head on Danny’s chest carefully. She softly whispered words of comfort, love, and encouragement. Their hands still entwined. Linda’s heart broke, but she felt a sense of relief as she said things she never had the chance to say. She couldn’t bring herself to say the word ‘goodbye’. But it was her chance to tell Danny what he meant to her. Even if he couldn’t hear her, she hoped, somewhere, somehow, he knew.

Chapter Text

Linda had no idea how much time had passed since she had laid down with Danny. A soft knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. The door cracked open slightly and Frank peaked his head through.

“Linda, honey, the doctors are asking if we are ready. I told them I needed to talk to you first.” he said somberly.

“I’m not ready,” She deadpanned, “But I’ll never be ready. It’s ok.”

Frank sighed, “I’ll go get Dr. Cross. Do you want me to come back?”

“I think that I need to do this alone, I’ll come tell you when it’s done.” Linda’s voice wavered. It felt selfish, but she wanted to be able to hold Danny by herself.

Frank nodded; Linda could tell that he wasn’t going to argue with her. Linda picked herself up from the bed and straightened herself out. It was then that she realized she was still wearing her scrubs from the night before.

A few minutes later, Dr. Cross tapped his knuckles against the door and entered the room. Linda stared at the sympathetic expression on his face. She hoped that the doctor didn’t think she looked too pathetic. She wrinkled her forehead and shook as she backed out of the way. Another nurse, one that Linda remembered working with a few times, stepped into the room. She handed Linda a form and quietly asked for a signature. Linda knew that it was necessary for legal purposes, but she hated how easily she was able to sign her husband's life away.

“I know that you know what is going to happen, Mrs. Reagan. And it may not be needed, but would you like me to walk you through it all?” He questioned delicately.

Linda felt anger building up inside her. She was quick to push it down. The doctor wasn’t trying to patronize her, he was merely trying to help a grieving wife.

“It’s ok. C-Can I just sit by him and hold his hand?” she asked, her voice timid.

“Of course, Mrs. Reagan. We will try to make the process as quick as possible. You may sit with him as long as it takes.” Dr. Cross explained. Linda sat down in the chair, pulling it as close to Danny as she could. She took his hand and held it up to her lips as she kissed it. She held back tears as she watched the doctor start. He inspected various monitors and turned each one off except for the heart monitor.

Slowly, Dr. Cross removed the ventilator. Linda had seen it done dozens of times, yet when it was her husband as the patient- it disturbed her. Danny didn’t react to the tube as it exited his mouth. She knew that Danny would never react to anything ever again. It hurt her soul. A few more minutes passed before the doctor finished.

“Since the ventilator is out, it should only be a few minutes. I will be just outside the door if you need anything.” Dr. Cross nodded and took his leave.

Linda stayed silent as she watched the slow rise and fall of Danny’s chest. The space between breaths became longer. His heart rate continued downward. Just seconds later, Danny Reagan’s chest stopped. Linda’s chest started to quicken as she started to sob. Her husband was dead.

Linda wailed as she held his hand. It felt like she had just lost her reason to live.

Down the hall, the rest of the Reagan family sat with their heads bowed in prayer. Each of them prayed that Danny would have a peaceful passing, and they all prayed that Joe, Mary, and Betty would be waiting with open arms for him.

A pained scream rang out from down the hall. The family looked up from the prayer. They knew. They knew that their son, brother, and father, had just left the world for good. The family cried.

----------------------------

Erin let out a sharp gasp when she heard her sister-in-law wail from down the hall. Erin knew. She knew that her older brother was gone. Some part of her wished that Erin was wrong, but she wasn’t.

Erin glanced around the room. Her father was still standing outside of Danny’s room – no doubt ready to step in and comfort Linda. Her father was always more worried about others than himself. Erin made a mental note to check on him later. She continued to look around the room; her grandfather had his head bowed in prayer, Eddie and Jamie were holding hands. Her vision finally landed on her nephews. Jack and Sean sat, emotionless, staring at the wall. The two brothers sat impossibly close and in complete silence. Erin knew she was the only one that could help the boys then.

“Jack, Sean,” Erin started, her voice steady despite her growing turmoil inside. “I know this is hard. It’s... It’s unimaginable.” Her voice continued to stay steady. She mentally thanked her lawyer training.

Jack blinked and sat up straighter, “Why... why did this have to happen Aunt Erin?” he asked, his voice trembling.

Erin reached out and grabbed Jack’s hand, “I wish I had an answer for you Jack, I really do... But sometimes life doesn’t give us the answers we need.”

In her mind, Erin thought of how this was the second time she had lost a brother to police violence, but she wasn’t going to bring that upon her teenage nephews. She turned to look at Sean, who had still not spoken a word.

Sean, usually so full of energy- just like his dad- sat quietly, his eyes wide and scared, “What’s going to happen now, Aunt Erin?” His voice was barely audible.

She offered him a sad smile, “Well... we’re going to stick together. We’re going to support each other as best as we can. And we’re going to remember your dad. We’re going to remember his strength, and his courage, and how much he loved you both.”

“And Mom?” Sean added, the 13-year-old's doe eyes shined with tears.

“Of course. Your dad loved your mom so much. She’s going to need a lot of help,” Erin shared a look between both boys.

They nodded in return, “Can we go see her?” Jack asked as he puffed his chest up- trying to pull himself together for his younger brother.

Once again, Erin smiled sadly, “I think she would like that. Do you guys remember where she is?”

The boys nodded again.

“Do you want me to walk you there?” She asked.

Before either of them could answer, Pop interjected, “I’ll go. Someone should check on Francis too.”

Erin agreed and watched as the three of them made their way back down the hall. She turned to make eye contact with Jamie. Jamie looked so broken- it killed Erin to see him like that. They needed to talk.

Eddie sensed this and cleared her throat, “Can I get anyone some coffee?”

“A cup of regular black coffee would be great... thanks” Erin felt her chest tighten, but she couldn’t break down yet. She was the oldest now. It was her job to take care of everyone. Jamie still stared at the wall silently. Eddie moved to find their coffee.

“It’s just us now Erin.” Jamie whispered. Erin had to strain her ears to hear him speak.

Erin moved to kneel in front of her youngest, now only, brother, and grabbed his hand, “Jamie...” Her voice trailed off. The days emotion getting the better of her.

Jamie continued, his voice distant, “First Joe, now Danny.” He murmured, his voice still barely above a whisper, “It’s like... it’s like we’re losing a piece of ourselves, Erin.”

Erin squeezed his hand even tighter, “I know... I know. I feel it too. I feel like our family is cursed every damn day. No matter what we do.”

“But it hurts Erin,” Jamie admitted, tears welling up. “It hurts so much.”

Erin hated to see her younger brother in so much pain. She was supposed to protect him from the horrors of the world. Danny was supposed to protect them all from the horrors of the world. She nodded- not trusting her voice to not break.

She gave up when she remembered what their mother used to say about holding back emotions... it was never healthy.

Tears streamed down her face as she finally responded, “I know Jamie, I know.” She took a shuddering breath, “We have each other, and we have the family.”

Erin didn’t expect her youngest brother to launch himself into her arms, but he did. She held him tightly, just like she had when they were kids, and cried against his shoulder. The two siblings stood together, locked in an embrace, and united in their grief. Both hoped and prayed that everything would be ok. In their shared sorrow, they knew they had each other, and in that moment, it was enough.

Chapter Text

In the immediate days after, the family decided it would be best for everyone to stay at Frank’s house. The house had more than enough bedrooms to accommodate everyone. Nicky had finally been able to make it home. Erin appreciated her daughter’s help with her cousins. Nicky had sat with Jack and Sean the past two nights and comforted them as best she could. Family dinner continued, the need for normalcy trumped the want to hide themselves away.

As they sat at the table, it was uncharacteristically dim. Her dad and Pop quietly conversed at the end of the table, Nicky, Jack, and Sean sat on one side, while Linda, Jamie, and Erin sat on the other. An empty chair was on the other side of Linda. No one dared to touch it. Erin watched as her brother slowly choked down his food- it was an improvement from the lack of a meal the night before. Linda, on the other hand, hadn’t touched her food at all.

Erin worried for her sister-in-law; Linda had refused to sleep the past two nights. Linda had dark circles under her eyes and her frame looked impossibly thin. It was clear that she wasn’t handling Danny’s death well. It was to be expected though. Erin could not remember a time that Linda and Danny weren’t together. Before they were married, the two had been best friends- so of course she would be devastated.

Erin had no idea how to help Linda, but she was going to do her best. She owed that much to Danny. Just like Jamie had been helping Jack and Sean.

Erin could hear that her dad and Pop had moved their conversation to funeral planning- something they had avoided talking about in front of Linda. Erin clocked the exact moment that Linda heard the word ‘funeral’. Linda dropped her fork and abruptly stood up from the table. Everyone stopped to look.

“Excuse me,” She mumbled faintly, taking her plate to the kitchen and making her way upstairs.

The rest of the family looked around at each other, Jack and Sean stared with scared expressions on their faces.

“Is Mom, ok?” Jack asked timidly as if he were afraid to even be speaking.

Frank, Henry, Jamie, and Erin shared a look of concern.

“She’s ok, she’s just having a rough time.” Jamie answered calmly, trying not to scare the boys.

In an unspoken agreement, Erin headed up the stairs to check on Linda, while Jamie, Frank, and Henry kept the boys distracted.

As she reached the top of the stairs, soft sobs echoed through the hall. Erin instinctively knew that Linda would be in Danny’s childhood bedroom. The door was shut, and Erin wasn’t sure if she should knock or just open it. She opted to give Linda a choice in the matter and knocked. “Linda, honey, can I come in?”

A few seconds passed before a muffled reply came, “Okay.”

Erin cracked the door open. In the dimly lit room, she found Linda lying on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her face was a mixture of grief, pain, and exhaustion. It was clear that she had been trying to stay strong for her sons, but the strain was evident.

“Linda,” Erin began gently, as she sat on the edge of the bed, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

Linda turned to look at Erin, her eyes filled with a pain deeper than words could express, “I want to be there for the boys,” Her voice shook with emotion, “But... but I don’t know how to do this without Danny.”

Erin moved closer to her and positioned herself against the headboard, “I know that it’s hard. But remember, you are not alone. We will be here for you the whole time. And Danny is watching over you and Jack and Sean from above.”

Linda pulled herself closer and rested her head on Erin’s shoulder. Her whole body shuddered, “I miss him so much already.” She tearfully admitted.

“Linda,” Erin’s voice a soft whisper in the room, “You are allowed to grieve too, you know. It’s ok to let the boys see that.”

Linda made eye contact with Erin, her eyes brimmed with unshed tears, “I know, but I need to be strong for them. They just lost their father... we haven’t even buried him yet.”

Erin put her hand on Linda’s leg, “Linda, being strong doesn’t mean you have to hide your feelings. It’s okay to miss him. And it’s okay to be scared of what comes next.”

“I’m terrified for the funeral. I- I've been an awful wife. I haven’t even started planning... and I- I start to panic whenever I hear anyone talking about it.” Linda confessed.

“Which is why it is ok to let us handle it. Dad and Pop will keep everything under control. You just have to focus on yourself and the boys.” Erin offered, hoping it would comfort Linda some.

“I’m their only parent now, Erin,” Linda took a deep breath, “What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t fill that void that Danny left?”

Erin squeezed Linda’s hands together, her own eyes welling with tears, “You are enough, Linda. You always have been, and you always will be. You are not alone- we will be here for you too. As shoulders to cry on...”

At Erin’s words, Linda finally broke. Her sobs filled the room with sorrow. Erin held Linda close to her chest, letting a few tears of her own slip. It was a raw moment of emotion. Erin just prayed that the future Linda was so uncertain of, turned out to be better than the grief and pain they were dealing with now.

-----------------------------

Hours later, the rest of the family had gone to bed- much to the dismay of Jack and Sean, who had wanted to stay up with their grandfather. Frank had sent them to bed, knowing that they needed as much rest as they could get. Now, he and Pop sat in the kitchen with only a small lamp lighting the space. He let out a deep sigh as he poured himself a glass of whiskey.

“I keep thinking Danny is going to walk through that door at any moment, Pop.” Frank broke the silence. “He’d come in saying some excuse about his case causing him to miss dinner, then he’d pour himself a drink, and want to talk about work.”

“Yeah, and then you would tell him to knock it off, he’d realize he was missing something, and then would be off again.” Henry mused.

A silence fell over them again. Frank pondered his thoughts and could tell that Pop was doing the same. Years of police work gave him the ability to read faces- even the ones of people closest to him.

“I’m worried about Linda, Dad. She’s not doing well. And the boys... they’re so young. I’m afraid they don’t fully understand it all.” Frank divulged, knowing his father possessed the same ability to read faces.

“I know son, Jamie and Erin are feeling it too. But you remember what it was like the first few days after we lost Mary.” Henry paused and Frank thought back to the hell that was losing his wife to cancer. “And you have to give Jack and Sean some credit. They are smarter than you think. They understand plenty.” He added.

Frank ran a hand through his hair and pursed his lips, he knew that his father was right, “What about the funeral? It’s too much for Linda right now. We can’t put that all on her.”

“Danny will get full NYPD honors; we will make sure of it. And I intend to make sure that none of the funeral planning lands on anyone else. We will do it together.” Henry said it in a way that sounded almost like an order.

Frank knew better than to argue with his father on anything, not that he was going to on this manor anyways, “I agree.” He let out another deep breath and took a swig of his whiskey, “I miss him already.”

“You’ll miss him forever. Just means he was loved.” Henry added as he grabbed a pen and notepad. “Now, let’s plan a funeral.” he said somberly.

Frank shook his head in agreement. He felt his eyes clouded with emotion, but he pushed it away. The weight of their loss hung in the air, but both men knew what Danny deserved. And they would both be damned if Danny Reagan didn’t get the funeral he deserved.

Chapter Text

The day was overcast. To Linda, it was a mirrored image of the heaviness in her heart. It was the day of Danny’s funeral. The day she would say goodbye to the love of her life. It had been eight days since he had been cruelly taken from her. Eight days since her world had crumbled.

“...Ok?”

Linda shook her head, realizing that someone had been talking to her. It was Erin. The door was still closed, but her sister-in-law was only checking on her.

“I’m fine, be ready soon.” Linda replied, hoping to get at least a few more minutes to herself. A few more minutes before she had to face reality. The wake had been the night before. It was a painful two hours of accepting condolences and talking to people she hadn't wanted to speak to. Eventually, she had been able to excuse herself for the night-but she had not gotten any sleep.

Linda stood in front of the mirror, her reflection a stranger. Her eyes, once bright and full of life, were dull and rimmed with tears. Her recent sleepless nights shown on her face- dark circles painted under her eyes. She glanced at the clock. They needed to leave soon. Taking a calming breath, Linda stepped out of the room and made her way down to the living room.

“You alright?” Jamie asked her quietly as she entered the room. He wore his dress blues, and Linda thought of all the times she had seen Danny wear the same ones. Of course, the time in front of Pizza Amore, but then there were all the funerals. It was always the damn funerals with dress blues and empty apologies.

Linda nodded, not trusting her voice yet. She looked around in search of her sons. She calmed down when she spotted them standing next to the coat rack with their grandfather. Both boys wore black suits with blue ties. As they stood there, Linda could only see Danny in the faces of his sons. The thought of them growing up without a father was a pain that cut deep into her soul. She knew that she had to step up. The past few days had been hell for her. Linda mentally noted that she should thank Frank, Henry, and Jamie for helping with the boys.

And of course, she would thank Erin too. Erin had been her saving grace. She had stayed with Linda every night, in a desperate attempt to make her sleep, to give her some sort of comfort in the face of unbearable grief.

Frank approached Linda and drew her into a hug, “You ready to go sweetheart?”

“Not really, but I’ll never truly be ready.” Linda said honestly. “D-Does it ever get any easier?”

Frank waited a moment before responding, “Not easier. Just more manageable. Helps when you let people in.” He added- almost as an afterthought.

Linda nodded and more tears came to her eyes. She wiped them furiously, not wanting to cry before they even got to the church. She followed everyone out to the cars. Jack and Sean were close behind her. They opened the car door for her, and the three of them filed into the back seat.

Linda was flanked by her two sons. Her chest was heavy with grief and her head pounded. The last eight nights had been hell for her. She had barely slept through the night- still expecting Danny to come home late and hold her in their bed. Somewhere deep in her mind, she wished that he was just working a case, and that Danny would be home soon. She glanced at both her boys – once again she thought of how much they looked like their father.

Summoning all her strength, Linda broke the silence, “Boys,” Her voice, surprisingly steady yet filled with emotion, “I know this is hard. It’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to miss your dad. I miss him so much already.”

Jack stared out the window, not saying a word. Sean tightened his hold on her hand.

“What if we forget him?” the thirteen-year-old asked apprehensively.

Linda’s heart formed another crack at the thought. The boys were so young. Jack was only 16- despite him thinking he was an adult. And Sean wasn’t even in high school yet. They were both too young to deserve the pain of losing a parent.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” Linda smothered her own emotions down, not knowing how to respond to her son. She took a deep breath, “We won’t forget him because the whole family will make sure we keep your dad’s memory alive.”

Neither boy answered, they only inched closer to their mother. Linda prayed that the day would go by fast. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do it. The only thing in the back of her mind was the notion that she needed to wait until she was behind closed doors to break down. Linda did not want everyone to see her soul ripped into a million tiny pieces.

She kissed the top of both boys' heads and looked out the window. The funeral was being held at the family church. Linda knew the drive like the back of her hand. Her and Danny had been married in that church. She swallowed down a wave of nausea at the thought of it being her final goodbye to Danny.

A few moments later, they turned into the parking lot. It was full of cars and people walking towards the entrance.

Linda tried her best to pull herself together and pushed back her tears. They stepped out of the car, and she spotted the rest of the family. Erin, Jamie, Frank, Henry, and Nicky stood together and waited for Danny’s family to join them. Without a sound, the remaining Reagan’s made their way into the church.

------------------------

Inside the church, it was a sea of black and blue. NYPD uniforms decorated the pews of the church. As they made their way to the front of the church, Linda noticed the casket. An American flag was draped over it. She stopped in her tracks as she felt her breath hitch. Unfortunately, and unintentionally, this was taken as a sign that she wanted to be approached.

People stopped her to offer their condolences, shake her hand, or give her a hug. Linda, numbly, went along with it all. Her breaths started to come at a quicker pace when they reached the middle of the church. Thankfully, Erin and Jamie noticed and began to push their way to the front. Linda silently thanked them and turned her attention to the walking forward.

The damn casket seemed to mock her every step. She had been to many funerals, but this would be the hardest one to suffer through. Taking her seat, Jack and Sean squeezed beside her. Henry, Erin and Jamie sat on her other side. Frank, as the police commissioner, sat with other police officials. His face was as unreadable as a brick wall, but Linda knew he was having just as hard of a time.

The Reagan family had been through enough misery to last several lifetimes, yet here they were again. Burying another spouse, brother, son, grandson.

The murmur of the congregation slowly faded into a distant hum as the ceremony began. Despite her trying efforts, Linda felt an overwhelming wave of emotion crash over her. It blurred the world around her; she could barely see her own hands. She tried to focus, to anchor herself to reality, but it was like trying to catch air with her bare hands.

She must have been trembling harder than she thought because Jamie reached out to grab her hand. His touch was helpful, but not enough to fully ground her. Not enough to bring her back from the precipice of her thoughts.

As the funeral dragged on, she could tell that someone was speaking. It could have been the eulogy, but she could not tell. Her mind wandered back to the life that her and Danny had built. All of it was now overshadowed by the finality of loss. There was so much that they couldn’t finish. The future was vast and uncertain. Everything was going to change, and the thought was as terrifying as it was heartbreaking.

Unbeknownst to her, time had slipped away, and before she knew it, the funeral was over. The final prayers had been said, the last respects paid. As if she were in a trance, Linda rose from her seat and followed the family towards the cemetery for the burial.

The one thing she had contributed to planning was for Danny to be buried next to his mother and Joe. For the time being, she had wanted it to be easier for the family to visit everyone at the same time. Eventually, when Linda passed on, she would also be buried next to Danny.

Frank rejoined the family for the walk to the cemetery behind the church. Linda still felt like she was in an out of body experience, she could tell Frank was feeling the same. Everyone was running on fumes.

When they reached the gravesite, Linda finally regained control of her body. She turned to see Danny’s casket slowly being carried down the grass. The pallbearers included some of the detectives from Danny’s precinct and Jamie. Linda could tell that Jamie was struggling to compose himself as they set the casket down. His hand lingered before he stepped away.

A formation of NYPD officers and detectives gathered around the open grave. Linda extended her arm to reach for Jack and Sean’s hands. Three shots rang out across the cemetery. Linda flinched, she knew it was an honor and a part of tradition, but it still hurt. Danny died in the line-of-duty, and it was cause for full police honors- even though Frank would have ensured full honors regardless.

Maria, Danny’s partner, gave out his final radio call. Linda felt awful for not realizing Baez had been there. She would reach out to her after everything was over. Linda was not in the right mindset to talk to anyone else, but she knew that Danny’s... death would be affecting his partner immensely.

Trying to regroup her emotions, Linda looked to see if she could find the family. Erin and Jamie stood shoulder to shoulder and Eddie was not far behind them. Henry stood off to the side with an old police friend of his. Frank was surrounded by his closest aids; Garrett, Gormley, and Baker. The group was the first to make a move towards the open grave. Frank laid a hand on the casket and said something that no one else could hear.

Linda recentered her focus on her sons. Feeling her grief pushing itself to the top, Linda attempted some quiet breathing exercises. It didn’t work too well though, the emotion and turmoil inside her continued to rise. The casket was slowly lowered to the ground and Linda’s tears broke free.

First, they were silent, but the lower Danny got, the more aggressive her sobs got. By the time he was completely lowered in the grave, Linda couldn’t contain herself anymore. A pair of strong arms grabbed her tight, another pair joined them. Jack and Sean, she thought. It was her job to comfort them, not the other way around.

“It’s ok mom.” Jack whispered in her ear, his voice breaking with emotion.

Linda felt tears on her shoulder and knew Sean was crying. Her voice was completely useless, so she tightened her hold on them. Keeping her gaze on the grave, she saw as a line formed and people began to toss handfuls of dirt. After a little while, it was only the family left. She felt another hand on her back, she glanced over her shoulder to see Henry standing behind her. He gently guided the boys away from her and Erin stepped in beside her.

Erin and Linda approached the grave. Erin moved first to grab a small handful of dirt, she gently let it fall from her hands, “I love you Danny, we’ll take care of them.” She whispered.

Taking the deepest breath she could muster, Linda picked up her own handful of dirt. She sprinkled it on top of Danny. Before she could stop them, body shaking sobs started to ring from her chest. Linda fell to her knees, not caring about ruining her dress.

“Why?” She sobbed, barely getting any air. “Why did you have to leave?” Linda tried to take another breath, she still had so much to say. Her lungs had different ideas though, she couldn’t draw in a breath big enough to form words. Her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest- maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, she thought.

A gust of wind broke her thoughts, her sobs died down to measly tears, she was somewhat convinced that this was Danny’s way of telling her he loved her and to be strong. She had to be strong. For herself. For the boys.

Linda, her heart heavy with grief, rose from the gravesite. Her eyes, red and swollen from tears, scanned the crowd until they landed on her two sons, Jack and Sean. They stood a little distance away, their young faces a mirror of her own sorrow. She took a deep, shuddering breath, steeling herself for the task ahead.

With each step she took towards them, she felt the weight of their shared loss pressing down on her. But she also felt a strange sense of resolve. She was their mother, their rock. Even in her own grief, she knew she had to be strong for them.

As she reached them, she extended her arms, pulling them into a tight embrace. Jack and Sean clung to her, their small bodies trembling. She could feel their hot tears soaking through her dress, but she didn’t mind.

“Your father loved you both very much,” she whispered into their ears, her voice choked with emotion. “And he still does. He’s watching over us.”

She pulled back, looking at them with tear-filled eyes. “We’re going to get through this together,” she said, her voice firm despite the tears. “Because that’s what we do. We’re Reagans.”

And with that, she took their hands, leading them away from the gravesite. Their steps were slow, hesitant, but they moved. Because they had each other. And even in the face of such immense loss, that was enough. They were a family, broken but unbowed, stepping into an uncertain future with the strength of their love and memories to guide them.

Chapter Text

Baez:

Maria Baez stood silently before Danny Reagan’s grave, the weight of the past year pressing heavily on her shoulders. Her mind roamed back to the day. She had run hundreds of scenarios through her mind. Each of them ending with her ability to save Danny. Maybe she could have gone first? Maybe she should have told him to put his vest on? Her therapist had told Baez numerous times that there was nothing she could have done, but guilt still suffocated her every damn day.

The cemetery was quiet, save for the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze. She knelt down, placing a small bouquet of flowers at the base of the headstone.

“Danny,” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “it’s been a year. I still can’t believe you’re gone. The precinct… it’s not the same without you.”

She paused, taking a deep breath. “I have a new partner now, Detective Jameson. He’s good, but… he’s not you. No one could ever replace you.”

Maria’s eyes filled with tears as she continued, “I’ve been helping Linda out as much as I can. She’s strong, but I know she’s struggling. The boys miss you terribly. We all do.”

Her phone buzzed, interrupting the moment. She glanced at the screen and saw it was her new partner calling. Wiping her tears, she answered, “Jackson, what’s up?”

“Baez, we got a lead on the case. I need you back at the precinct,” Jackson’s voice crackled through the phone.

“I’ll be there soon,” she replied, hanging up. She turned back to Danny’s grave, her heart heavy. “I have to go, Danny. Duty calls. But I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

With one last look at the headstone, Maria stood up and walked away, leaving the cemetery behind. The promise of her return lingered in the air.

Jamie:

Jamie Reagan stood before Danny’s grave, his heart heavy with grief. The wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it memories of a time when his brothers were still alive. He glanced to the side and saw Joe’s grave, wondering if Danny and Joe were together now.

“Eddie’s waiting in the car,” Jamie said softly, as if Danny could hear him. “I just needed a moment with you.”

Jamie was so happy that his partner, turned girlfriend, had been there for him the past year. He wasn’t sure if he could have made it through without her. He couldn’t keep track of how many times Eddie had sat and listened to Jamie’s rant or held his hand on rough days.

He bent over, tracing the letters of Danny’s name on the headstone. His finger’s lingered over the word ‘brother’. “It’s been a year, Danny. I can’t believe how fast it’s gone by. Life’s been… different without you.”

Jamie waited a second before continuing, as if he was expecting Danny to answer, “I’ve been thinking about asking Eddie to marry me. Erin thinks it’s a great idea. I know you and Joe would be excited too.”

Jamie took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. “Jack and Sean are doing well. Jack made the honor roll, and Sean scored the winning goal in his soccer game last week. You’d be so proud of them.”

He paused, his eyes filling with tears. “I’ve been thinking a lot about our childhood. Remember those nights we’d go out and have a drink by the river? I wish we could do that again, just one more time. I wish we could just have more time.”

Jamie stood up, wiping his eyes. “I have to get to work, but I’ll be back with the rest of the family later.”

He turned and walked back to the car, where Eddie was waiting. As he got in, he took another look at the graves of his brothers, feeling a mix of sorrow and gratitude for the memories they shared. As they drove off- Jamie wondered what life would be like if his brothers, his best friends, were still alive. He shook his head and tried to regain his focus.

“Thanks for waiting.” Jamie said softly.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted you to go alone.” Eddie smiled. Her compassion was only ever out done by her spunk and sass.

“That’s what I love about you.” Jamie squeezed Eddie’s hand. They continued to the precinct. Jamie’s thoughts ran wild, but he tried to keep them positive. All he had to do was get through the day.

Erin:

The morning sun cast a gentle glow over the cemetery, its rays filtering through the trees and illuminating the headstones. Erin Reagan stood before her brother Danny’s grave, her heart heavy with the weight of the past year. She sat down, placing a small bouquet of flowers at the base of the headstone.

“Hey, Danny,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “It’s been a year. Can you believe it?”

She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I hate being the oldest sibling now. It’s… it’s not something I ever wanted. I always looked up to you, you know? You were the strong one, the protector. Now, it’s like I have to fill those shoes, and I don’t know if I can. Jamie and I are doing better, but we still seem so lost.”

Erin’s eyes filled with tears as she continued. “The little things have changed so much. Sunday dinners aren’t the same without your loud laugh and terrible jokes. The kids miss you a lot. I try to be strong for them, but it’s hard, Danny. It’s really hard.”

She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. “I’ve struggled more than I thought I would. I thought I was strong but losing you… it broke something inside me. It broke something inside all of us. The Reagan family has suffered so much. I’ve spent so many nights thinking about the past, about how things would be different if our family wasn’t so cursed. I miss you so much.”

Erin looked up at the sky, her voice barely above a whisper. “Are you and Joe together? I hope so. It would make me feel so much better about it. I hope you’re both watching over us. We need you.”

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “Don’t worry about Linda. She’s strong, just like you always said. She’s doing her best to keep things together for the boys. They miss you, but she’s making sure they take things one step at a time. She’s amazing, Danny. You don’t have to worry about her.”

Erin stood up, brushing the dirt from her knees. “I have to go to work now, but I know I won’t be able to focus. Today is just… too much. But I’ll get through it, somehow. We all will.”

She placed a hand on the headstone, "I love you, Danny. Always.”

With one last look at her brother’s grave, Erin turned and walked away, her heart heavy but her resolve strong. She knew the day ahead would be difficult, but she also knew that her family would come together in the evening, finding strength in each other as they remembered the brother, husband, and father they had lost.

Frank:

The morning air was crisp as Frank Reagan walked through the cemetery, the weight of the past year pressing heavily on his shoulders. He had taken the day off work, knowing he needed this time alone to visit his sons, Danny and Joe, and his beloved wife, Mary. As he approached their graves, he felt a familiar ache in his chest, a pain that had become all too common.

Frank bent over, placing a hand on each headstone. “Hey, Mary. Hey, boys,” he began, his voice thick with emotion. “It’s been a year since we lost Danny. I still can’t believe it.”

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Losing you, Mary, was hard enough. But losing Joe and now Danny… it’s more than I can bear sometimes. I’ve tried to be strong for Erin and Jamie, but it’s not easy. I feel like I’ve become even more protective of them, like I’m afraid to lose them too.”

Frank’s eyes filled with tears as he continued. “Danny, your loss cracked my shell. I always thought I was strong, that I could handle anything. But losing you… it broke something inside me. I miss you so much, son. Your laughter, your courage, your love for your family. It’s all gone, and I don’t know how to fill that void.”

He looked at Joe’s grave, his heart aching. “Joe, I hope you’re looking out for your brother up there. You two were always so close. And Mary, my love, I miss you every single day. You were my rock, my anchor. Without you, I feel adrift.”

Frank wiped his tears away, his hand trembling. He appreciated his foresight to come alone. The rest of his family did not need to see him losing it.

He kissed his fingers and pressed them to each of the three graves. “I love you all so much. More than words can say. I promise I’ll keep looking out for Erin and Jamie. I’ll do my best to be the father they need, even if I’m struggling.”

Frank stood up, his legs feeling weak. He took one last look at the graves, his heart heavy but his resolve strong. “Goodbye for now. I’ll see you again soon.”

As he walked away, the weight of his grief still pressing down on him, Frank knew the day ahead would be difficult. But he also knew that his family would come together in the evening, finding strength in each other as they remembered the loved ones they had lost. And in that, he found a small measure of comfort.

Linda:

Linda Reagan woke up that morning with a heavy heart. The sun had barely risen, casting a soft glow through the bedroom window, but she felt none of its warmth. It was the one-year anniversary of Danny’s passing, and the weight of that reality pressed down on her like a physical burden. She laid in bed for a few moments, staring at the ceiling, before finally mustering the strength to get up.

Jack and Sean were already at school. She had made sure they were out the door before she allowed herself to fully confront the emotions of the day. She moved through the house like a ghost, her mind replaying memories of Danny at every turn. The laughter, the arguments, the quiet moments of love—they all felt like a lifetime ago.

Linda grabbed her keys and headed to the cemetery. At this point it had become muscle memory to her. She sat in the car for a moment, gripping the steering wheel tightly, trying to gather her thoughts. She hadn’t cried all morning, but she knew that would change the moment she saw Danny’s grave. Taking a deep breath, she stepped out of the car and walked slowly to the familiar spot.

As soon as she saw the flowers that other family members had left, the dam broke. Tears streamed down her face, and she fell to her knees beside the headstone. “Oh, Danny,” she sobbed, her voice breaking. “I miss you so much. I’m so tired. So, so tired.”

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, though they kept coming. “I’m trying my best to stay afloat, for Jack and Sean. They need me to be strong, but it’s so hard without you. I never regretted marrying you, not for a second. But I wish you had stayed safe. I wish you were still here with us.”

Linda took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. “I’ve been going through the stages of grief, you know? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression… but I’m still stuck. I can’t seem to move on. I’ve been doing grief counseling, and it’s helping, but it’s slow. So slow.” Linda knew that Danny would tease her for keeping track of her progress, but she could care less. She just wanted to let him know anyways.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a bottle of wine, the same kind they used to share on their date nights. “I didn’t bring flowers,” she said, her voice softening. “I brought this instead. I thought we could have one last date, just you and me. I’ll sit with you for a while, at least until the rest of the family comes.”

Linda sat down beside the grave, uncorking the bottle and taking a small sip. “Our wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It will be our second one apart. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it without you.”

She looked up at the sky, the tears still flowing freely. “I hope you’re watching over us, Danny. I hope you know how much we all love you. The boys miss you so much. They talk about you all the time.”

Linda sat there for what felt like hours, talking to Danny, sharing her thoughts and feelings, letting the tears flow. She knew the rest of the family would be arriving soon, and she needed this time alone with him. It was her way of coping, her way of pretending he was still there. Her way of pretending this was just them talking after a long day of work.

As the sun climbed higher in the sky, Linda realized that her boys would be arriving soon. She took in the last few moments of the day by herself. She kissed her fingers and pressed them to the headstone. “I love you the most.”

Jack / Sean:

The sun hung low in the sky, casting a golden hue over the cemetery as Jack and Sean Reagan walked through the gates. It had been a year since their father had been killed in the line of duty. The pain of his loss was still fresh, and the anniversary brought it all back to the surface.

Jack carried a bouquet of flowers. Sean, a few steps behind, clutched a small notebook. They had just gotten off school. Their backpacks slung over their shoulders, as they headed to visit their dad’s grave.

As they approached, they noticed their mom sitting on a blanket in front of the grave. Her shoulders were hunched, and it was clear she had been crying. Neither boy mentioned it as they walked up to her.

“Hey, Mom,” Jack said softly.

Linda looked up, her eyes red and puffy. She managed a small smile and stood up, pulling both boys into a tight hug. “Hi, boys,” she whispered. “I thought I’d come a little early.”

Jack and Sean hugged her back, feeling the weight of her grief mingling with their own. After a moment, Linda pulled away and brushed a tear from her cheek.

“I’m going to take a walk,” she said, her voice trembling slightly. “I want you two to have some time with your dad.”

Jack nodded. “Okay, Mom. We’ll be here.”

Linda gave them one last hug before walking away, her steps slow and heavy. Jack and Sean watched her go, then turned to face their father’s grave.

Jack placed the bouquet of flowers at the base of the headstone. “Hey, Dad,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s been a year. Feels like just yesterday we were all together.”

Sean knelt beside the grave, opening his notebook. “I miss you, Dad,” he said, his voice cracking. “A lot has happened this past year.”

Jack took a deep breath. “I’m going to start applying for college soon. Can you believe it? I know you always wanted me to go to a good school. I’m trying my best to make you proud.”

Sean looked up from his notebook. “And I have a presentation in class next week. It’s about my hero. I chose you, Dad. I want everyone to know how amazing you were.”

Jack smiled, though his eyes were filled with tears. “We’ve been taking care of Mom, just like you would have wanted. It’s been hard, but we’re doing our best.”

Sean nodded. “Yeah, we make sure she’s okay. She misses you a lot, Dad. We all do.”

The boys sat in silence for a few moments. The cemetery was quiet, the only sound was the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze.

After a while, Jack stood up and brushed the dirt from his knees. “We should go find Mom,” he said. “The rest of the family will be here soon.”

Sean nodded and closed his notebook. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They walked away from the grave, their steps slow and deliberate. As they made their way through the cemetery, they spotted Linda sitting on a bench under a large oak tree. She looked up as they approached, her eyes still red but filled with love for her boys.

“Hey, Mom,” Jack said, sitting down beside her.

Linda smiled and pulled both boys into another hug. “Hey, my loves. How was your time with Dad?”

“It was good,” Sean said. “We told him about everything that’s been going on.”

Linda nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. “He would be so proud of you both.”

Jack squeezed her hand. “We know, Mom. And we’re proud of him too.”

The three of them sat together in silence, drawing strength from each other.

Everyone:

The sun was beginning to set, casting long shadows over the cemetery as Linda Reagan sat on the blanket in front of Danny’s grave. Jack and Sean sat beside her, their faces a mix of sorrow and resilience. They had been there for hours, sharing memories and tears, trying to find solace in each other’s presence.

Linda looked at the headstone, her heart heavy with the weight of the past year. She glanced at her boys, who were growing up so fast, and felt a pang of sadness for all the milestones Danny would miss.

As the sun dipped lower, the rest of the Reagan family arrived. Frank walked slowly; his face etched with grief. Henry, the family patriarch, followed, his steps steady but heavy. Jamie and Erin came last, their expressions somber.

They gathered around the grave, forming a circle of support and love. Frank was the first to speak, his voice steady but filled with emotion. “Danny, we miss you every day. Your bravery and dedication to this family and your duty will never be forgotten.”

Henry cleared his throat, his voice gruff but tender. “You were a good man, Danny. We see you in your boys every day, and we know you’re watching over them.”

Jamie stepped forward, his eyes glistening. “I miss you, brother. It’s not the same without you.” Jamie paused to glance at Joe’s grave, “Either of you.”

Erin wiped a tear from her cheek. “Danny, you were my rock. I’d give anything to work another case with you. I hope you’re at peace.”

Linda felt a lump in her throat as she listened to each family member speak. She took a deep breath and found her voice. “Danny, we love you. We’re trying to be strong; to live the way you would have wanted us to. The boys are doing so well, and I know you’d be proud of them.”

They all joined hands and bowed their heads in prayer, each silently communicating with Danny in their own way. The moment was both heartbreaking and healing, a reminder of the love that bound them together even in the face of loss.

After a few minutes, Frank gently suggested, “Let’s head back to the house for dinner.”

The family slowly made their way back to the house, the atmosphere heavy but filled with a sense of unity. They settled around the dining table, the familiar setting offering a small comfort. The conversation was light, not as interesting as it had been before Danny’s death.

Linda listened, her heart swelling with pride and sorrow. She thought about all the milestones Danny would miss—Jack and Sean graduating, going to college, getting married, having kids. The future seemed daunting without him, but as she looked around the table, she felt a glimmer of hope.

The family was trying to survive, to find a new normal. They laughed at old stories, shared their daily lives, and leaned on each other for support. Linda realized that while the pain of losing Danny would never fully go away, life might be okay in the future. It was looking up, slowly but surely.

As the evening wore on, Linda found herself smiling more, the weight on her chest lifting just a little. She knew they had a long way to go, but with her family by her side, she believed they could make it through.

The night ended with hugs and promises to see each other the next day. Linda watched as Jack and Sean headed to their rooms, their laughter echoing down the hallway. She felt a sense of peace, knowing that Danny’s spirit was with them, guiding them through the darkness.

Life would never be the same, but it would go on. And in that, there was hope.