Archive of Our Own ^beta

Maya had never been one to stay. She was always the first to leave, it had been like that since childhood. Maybe it was because of her overwhelming need to run, or because she just couldn’t stand the idea of letting one in, but Maya was always the first to leave.

The idea of forever had never appealed to her. Everyone had someone they were ready to spend forever with or they always had the longing to have someone they could spend forever with, but Maya never wanted that, especially not after taking up firefighting.

Maya thought about forever, what forever really meant, but honestly, she couldn’t find anything more displeasing than the word ‘forever’. It made her want to curl in on herself and hide. Forever was a death sentence Maya hoped to never see.

Maya pushed her hair back into her ponytail and walked up the stairs, the smell of a great dinner calling her out of her office. Maya strolled into the kitchen, pausing when she saw Vic and Tavis clearly in a heated discussion. She sighed and debated turning around, but unfortunately, her curiosity got the better of her.

Maya put her hands in her pocket, “What are you making?” Maya asked.

Vic looked up, pausing the formation of her next sentence for Travis to instead answer Maya’s question. “We’re making chili,” Vic replied.

Maya nodded, “Without Dean?” Maya asked curiously.

Travis nodded curtly, “Couldn’t be bothered to sit and listen to us ‘argue’” Travis said, fingers lifting to show air quotes.

“We’re not arguing,” Vic retorted.

“Sure seemed like it,” Maya answered.

“Okay well, we’re not! We are talking strongly about Travis’ love life,” Vic replied and stirred the pot. “Taste,” Vic ordered.

Maya walked over, grabbed a spoon from the drawer, and scooped up some chili. She brought the spoon to her lips and hummed at the taste. “Good,” Maya nodded.

After a few moments of silence, Vic spoke up again. “I think that you should just go out with him again,”

“Oh my god,” Travis groaned.

Vic looked at him, her eyes wide as she went to defend herself. Soon, their words became undecipherable as they stumbled over their words, not allowing the other one to speak alone for more than a second.

Maya looked back and forth between the two of them before sighing, “Hey! Guys! You are at work. Either have a civil and quiet discussion or save it for when you’re off duty.”

Vic sighed, “Captain, Bishop, dear friend of mine,” Maya sighed knowing she was about to get roped into a discussion she did not want to be a part of. “Travis has a new person to date in his life. He went on one date and won’t go on another because he can’t see himself spending forever with him,”

Maya nodded along and Travis added to Vic’s sentence, “The whole point of dating is to find someone that you could spend the rest of your life with. There was nothing there, there was no spark. I mean, we got along fine but what is the point of going on another date if I can’t see forever with him?”

“And how can one date be enough for you to tell?” Vic asked.

Travis shrugged and Maya answered, “I don’t think there’s such a thing as forever.”

Vic raised an eyebrow and went to ask Maya what she meant until the rest of the firefighters came into the room, everyone ready to eat after the long day they had.

When everyone was seated at the table, Vic looked at Maya curiously. “What do you mean there’s no such thing as forever?”

Everyone was quickly silent as they all looked confused and intrigued to hear what Maya had to say. Maya shrugged, “I mean, despite it being a word there isn’t such a thing as forever. Everything ends at some point,” Maya shrugged and everyone stared at her. “What?”

“So have you ever had something you just wanted to be forever?” Vic asked.

Maya nodded, “Sure. But since I realized that nothing’s forever, I haven’t given much thought to something being forever.” Maya replied easily. They all blinked at Maya in silent shock before they switched the topic to something else more happy for the dinner table.

**** ***

Carina had been terrified of ending up alone. From the minute she was old enough to realize she was alone, she was terrified of being alone.

Carina spent a lot of her time traveling when she could, learning what made different places so different from each other and what made them the same. She spent time with her ‘forevers’, or the people that she wanted to have in her life forever, and they taught her new things every day. She spent a lot of time surrounded by her work but she never failed to make time for her friends and family who she loved more than words could say.

After a year of being at Grey-Sloan and then being offered a full-time position as an OB/GYN, Carina felt like almost all of her forevers were filled. She had her forever people, she had her almost forever job, but it felt like something was missing.

Carina walked the streets of Seattle, finding it slightly warmer than expected for the colder season of October. Carina shoved her hands in her pockets while the music playing from her headphones filled her ears.

It wasn’t often that Carina was able to walk around but after talking to Amelia about the benefits of being outside, she made a new personal goal to spend fifteen minutes outside a day which is what she was doing now. Instead of keeping herself cooped up in her quiet apartment looking at research and completing other tasks, she was going outside.

Soon enough on her walk, she found herself passing by Station 19, a beloved station to almost everyone in Seattle. Andrew was friends with some of the firefighters, and Carina missed working with Ben but was sure to donate when she could to any fundraisers they did.

She paused and watched as the fire engines were backed into the barn and when Ben hopped out of the engine and looked out to the street, his eyes met with Carina’s and he waved before jogging away.

Carina continued her walk until she found herself back to where she started, pausing she walked over to a bench and sat down, pausing her music and listening to the sounds around her. She watched the people around her and she quickly found her eyes landing on an old couple, they were each other’s forever and she could see that very clearly.

The one forever she was missing was the one who knew her better than anyone else. At one point, she thought Arizona could have been her forever but that was quickly ruined. Now, she found herself longing for that forever so that maybe she could finally be at peace.

She wanted someone to explore the edges of her soul the way that she had explored the edges of the earth. She wanted someone to feel inspired by her and she wanted to be consumed by the feeling of love in a way she hadn’t been before. Carina wanted her forever and she was tired of waiting.

A week later Carina found herself at the same park bench with a book in hand. Carina found a blonde approaching the same bench and she quickly put her finger in place while she gently closed the book.

Carina looked up at the blue eyes ahead of her, “This seat taken?” She asked.

Carina shook her head, “No, not taken at all,” Carina replied. The blonde sat down beside her and Carina smiled softly.

“What are you reading?”

Carina shrugged, showing her the title of the book. “It’s a gift from my dad, a new book he read that he found fascinating. It’s mostly just medical studies,” Carina replied.

The blonde nodded softly and for another hour, the two sat in silence. Carina read in silence while the blonde looked around, watching the people move around beside them.

For the next few weeks after that, every Friday they met at the same bench at 6:00 and would stay there until the sun would begin to set. They would part ways with a small goodbye and would walk home in the chilling evening.

On the fourth week of their silent agreed meet time, Maya walked up to that bench expecting the brunette to already be there. When she got there, nobody was there and she tilted her head slightly, but proceeded to sit on the bench anyway.

After waiting for an hour and a half and nobody showed up, Maya left with a heavy heart. When she arrived back at her apartment, she shut the door behind me and Andy ended up staring at her with confusion, wondering what happened to her friend that made her so sad.

Maya wondered if it was just a coincidence that they kept showing up to the bench, or if it was becoming an unspoken rule that they would meet up. She didn’t know, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know for fear of being let down.

The next week, Maya walked to the park with a slight nerve. She wanted that woman to show up, she wanted to get to know her but part of her was terrified of getting to know someone like that, so she didn’t ask for her name and she didn’t ask whether she would be interested in going on a date or even just hanging out.

When Maya arrived at the bench, she saw her and she felt a small sense of relief flow through her at the sight of her hair blowing softly with the wind.

Maya silently took her spot beside her and watched as she pulled out a book. After thirty minutes of silence, Maya spoke up. “I waited for you,”

The woman looked up, pausing her reading. “Pardon?”

Maya cleared her throat, “Last Friday, I waited for you to show up and you… you didn’t,” Maya didn’t make eye contact with her, she just stared at the scene ahead of them. Kids ran around with their parents and parents walked beside them, couples held hands and they laughed and even kissed.

“Oh,” The woman turned to her, “I’m sorry. I had something come up, I didn’t mean to not show up,”

“So this is like… our thing now? Coming here on Fridays? Officially?” Maya asked.

The woman nodded with a gentle grin, “Yeah. Every single Friday, no matter the weather.”

Even when it rained, they both still showed up and even when snow started to dust the ground, they would still meet at the park bench. Carina would bring them blankets to sit on and wrap themselves in while Maya would bring gloves, hats, and scarves.

Carina held her phone to her ear as she pulled on her boots over her thicker socks. “I can’t, Andrew. I’m busy,”

“Busy doing what? Half of the hospital is going to be there and you know some of those firefighters are going to show up too,”

Carina rolled her eyes, “Yes, you’ve said this before, and like I have already said, I am busy,”

“Doing what?” Andrew exclaimed.

“I have to meet somebody!”

“Who? Are you going on a date? With who?”

Carina groaned, rolling up the blankets and putting them in her bag. “I have to go,”

“Carina-”

“Goodbye Andrea! Have a great time!” Carina hung up and sighed deeply, grabbing a new book and placing it in the bag with the rest of her stuff. Carina pulled on her jacket and walked out of her apartment with her hands in her pockets.

Maya watched as Andy applied her makeup in the bathroom and Maya stepped in, grabbing a hair tie and pulling her hair back. “What are you going to do tonight since you’re not going out?” Andy asked.

“Oh, I’m going to go to the park,”

Andy rolled her eyes softly, “You’re always going to that park. What’s so special about it that you have to go every Friday?” Andy asked, genuinely curious.

Maya shrugged, a small grin crossing her face. “There’s just something about it, and it’s good to spend time outside,”

“It’s supposed to blizzard later, Maya,”

“And it’s not stopping you from going out,” Maya pointed out and Andy glared softly. “If it blizzards, I’ll find somewhere to go, I promise,” Maya chuckled and grabbed her hat, pulling it on over her head and covering the tips of her ears.

“Good. Text me when you get there and get home safely,”

“Text me when you get to the bar and back home,” Maya said and smiled at Andy before leaving her apartment with gloves, a spare hat in her coat pocket, and two thermos of hot chocolate in each of her hands.

When Maya arrived at the park bench, the brunette she had been meeting was there, dusting off the bench to carefully lay the blankets. “Hey,” Maya greeted warmly.

The brunette looked up and smiled, “Hey! How are you?” She asked.

Maya smiled, “I’m good. Brought hot chocolate since it’s so cold,” Maya explained. The woman hummed with a grin and laid the blankets over the bench, sitting down and letting Maya sit beside her. The woman placed blankets over their legs and Maya handed her one of the thermos’.

“Thank you,” The brunette said. Maya quickly took the gloves out of her pockets and handed them to her which she took with a thankful smile. “I really need to get my own, especially if we’re going to keep doing this,”

Maya laughed, “It’s okay. You can keep borrowing those for as long as you want. Though, I think we’ll need a new meeting space soon,” Maya replied.

For meeting so much for so long, they still hadn’t exchanged names or contact information. Some part of Maya enjoyed that, she liked the mysteriousness of it, the low commitment, but some part of her longed to put a name to her face and call her something other than “That brunette woman I meet at the park every week”.

“Most definitely. We’ll figure something out,” The woman shrugged and pulled out her latest book. “Want me to read aloud?” She asked.

Maya nodded and leaned her arm over the back of the bench, listening closely as the words flowed off her tongue with ease.

After 30 minutes of being together, the snow started to pick up and that was when the brunette closed her book and put it away, not wanting to ruin its pages. Both hot chocolates were gone and Maya looked around, “Guess we should get going, huh? The snow’s starting to pick up,” Maya said.

The brunette nodded, “Or… Maybe you should come back with me to my apartment. I don’t live far from here and it might be best for you to come back with me,”

Maya hesitated before looking at the weather, knowing how out of her way this park was, she agreed with a small nod of her head. Together the two women packed up the stuff and Maya walked alongside the brunette.

Maya looked at her and cleared her throat, “So, it’s been like four weeks now of this, the meeting up, and I still don’t know your name,”

The woman smiled, “Carina,”

“Carina,” Maya repeated softly and smiled. “That’s a nice name. I’m Maya,”

“Maya,” Carina repeated with a grin. “Suits you,” Maya chuckled.

Soon enough they arrived at Carina’s apartment and Carina pushed open the door, shaking the snow off of her coat before pulling the hat off of her head, flyaways sticking up. Maya smiled softly and did the same knowing her hair looked the same.

“So, this is my apartment. You can just leave your shoes at the door and you can bring your stuff wherever,” Carina shrugged. Carina kicked off her boots and both women slowly started taking their jackets off.

Maya smiled, “Your apartment’s nice,” Maya complimented and she caught sight of a Christmas tree, “You like Christmas?” Maya asked.

Carina nodded, “Yeah. I love all the lights and the snow,” Carina chuckled and walked into her kitchen. “Do you want coffee or tea or something?” Carina asked. Maya shook her head but followed Carina into the kitchen regardless.

Carina was quick to start making herself a cup of coffee, looking for something to help her warm up. “So, we don’t know much about each other,” Maya said, her nails gently tapping against the table.

Carina nodded, “Are we going to do small talk for hours while we wait for the blizzard to settle down?” Carina asked.

Maya laughed and shook her head, “No. Maybe just a little bit, I want to get to know you,” Maya leaned her head on her hand. “Where do you work?” Maya asked.

Carina grinned, holding her coffee in her hands. “I work at Grey-Sloan as an OB/GYN,”

Maya’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”

Carina nodded, expression leaning toward confusion. “Why is that so shocking?”

“I work as a firefighter at Station 19. I’m the captain. I mean, I used to go to Grey-Sloan on hospital runs all the time!” Maya exclaimed.

Carina laughed, “Really?” Maya nodded. “Wow, small world, huh?” Carina asked and Maya nodded. “What’s your favorite color?” Carina asked.

They continued to go back and forth with each other, talking about their favorite things and what they did in their free time. They laughed and they smiled and Carina felt like that missing piece in her life was finally starting to disappear. Maybe Maya would be her forever.

Carina looked up as the lights started flickering, “Oh god, please no,” Carina whispered out a small plea. But soon after the final word had left her mouth, the lights had gone out. “Dammit,” Carina groaned, grabbing her phone and turning on the flashlight.

Maya looked out the window, finding the snow had been piling up outside, “Well, we can’t leave,” Maya said.

“We’re just going to have to layer up and grab blankets. I have some candles, let me go get those and I can light them out here,” Carina got up, leaving Maya in the living room for the time being.

Maya had lit the candles, placing them on the coffee table before putting out the match. Carina returned with a few different sweatshirts and blankets, placing them all on the couch beside her and Maya.

As the night went on further and further, Maya and Carina blew out any candles and began to pile on some layers in the chilly apartment. They both kept their phones close in case of a work emergency, but they were placed to the side. Eventually, they found themselves dozing off, and even sooner they found themselves asleep and subconsciously shifting closer to each other to keep their warmth.

Early in the morning, Maya was awake when her phone began buzzing. She answered her phone, sitting up slowly, “Bishop.” She answered, her voice raspy and deep with sleep.

She heard a small chuckle before the voice began to speak, “Where are you?”

“Out. Why are you calling?” Maya asked, closing her eyes with the plans of allowing herself to be brought back to the sleep she was in merely minutes ago.

Andy rolled her eyes, “Works calling in. No one could get a hold of you, we’re being asked to keep doors open. How soon can you get to the station?”

Maya sighed deeply, rubbing her hand over her face. “I can get there in fifteen minutes. Any way you can bring me a fresh uniform?" Maya asked.

Andy weighed her options before nodding, "Yeah, I haven't left the apartment yet. See you there, Cap,"

Maya just rolled her eyes softly and hung up. Slowly pushing the accumulation of blankets off of her body. Carina stirred almost as soon as the blankets had been moved, groaning softly. “Where are you going?” Carina asked.

“Station called. We opened doors last night and people are starting to filter out. We're planning to keep doors open for the next couple of hours. I have to go," Maya responded. “You can go back to sleep,”

Carina shook her head, sitting up and rubbing her hand over her face. “No way, you can’t walk to work when it’s this bad outside. Let me drive you,”

Maya protested, “But I don’t want you driving all that way only to drive all that way back. The roads are probably terrible right now and it’s not worth the trip and back,”

Carina shrugged, swinging her legs off of the couch and stretching, her hands reaching toward the sky. “Then I can just stay at the station,” Carina shrugged.

Maya stared at her before shaking her head. Carina nodded hers and Maya sighed, “Carina,”

“Maya,” Carina said with the same tone. They stared at each other as Carina slowly began inching back toward her bedroom, “It’s better for me to drive you than for you to walk, it’s freezing outside. I can’t stay in this apartment, it’s freezing. I can help too, I’m a doctor who is also trained in trauma. I’m not taking no for an answer,” Carina smiled at her.

Maya sighed, “Fine. But if they ask you questions, don’t say anything in response,”

Carina grinned and gave her a two-finger salute before walking back to her bedroom. Carina quickly changed from pajamas to something more suitable for a work environment and packed a spare change of clothes. She grabbed her jacket off of her bed which was bare due to her missing duvet from the small sleepover in the living room.

Carina walked out to find Maya slowly but surely pulling on her snow boots and her jacket around a sweatshirt Carina had lent to her. Carina had to admit, Maya did look good in her clothes, it warmed a certain part of her heart to see Maya so comfortable in her clothing.

Carina grabbed her keys and together, the two left Carina’s apartment complex and to the parking garage where Carina climbed in the car, turning the heat up as high as it would go to get rid of the bite from the freezing air around them.

Maya sang along to the music playing in the car when she woke up. It was nice to wake up slowly instead of being go go go from the second she woke up. Carina drove slowly on the icy and snowy roads, and surely but slowly they made their way to the station.

Maya got out of the car and Carina followed her into the station, finding the firefighters cleaning up before their doors were officially opened.

Jack looked up from his place at the windows, head tilting when he saw Carina trailing behind Maya. “Captain… Captain’s friend,”

Maya sighed, “Don’t start. This is Carina DeLuca, Carina this is Gibson. DeLuca is a doctor, she’s here to help us out in case we have anyone searching for first aid. I’m going to go change,” Maya began walking and slowly grabbed Jack’s arm, pulling him close, “Do not bother her like you would anyone else please,” Maya let go and walked away.

Carina put her hands behind her back, looking around the entrance of the station and quickly making a small layout in her head. She looked at the man ahead of her, Gibson was his name.

“It’s nice to meet you,” He said with a warm smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Carina grinned.

Maya walked upstairs, straight into the locker rooms to change quickly, sighing when she realized the clothes were Carina’s. She folded them neatly and placed them in her locker before shutting the door, walking out, and shouting, “19! Line up!”

Maya walked down the stairs, finding her team filtering into the barn between the fire engines. Maya gave a small nod to Carina and Carina immediately started following her. Maya walked between the two lines formed and she watched as Carina stood beside one of the fire engines.

Maya gave a quick rundown about what their next shift was about to look like given the predicaments presented to them by the snowstorm. Maya out of the corner of her eye caught Vic’s slightly raised hand, “Yes Hughes?”

“Who’s this?” Vic motioned to Carina.

“Oh, right,” Maya made a motion to Carina, and Carina walked over, standing at the end of the line with her. “Want to give yourself a quick introduction?” Maya asked.

Carina nodded softly before clasping her hands together, “Hello. I’m Dr. Carina DeLuca and I’m an OB/GYN at Grey-Sloan Memorial. I’ve decided to just volunteer to help today where I can. I’ll just be around where I can to help,”

The team nodded and Maya looked at them all, “Dismissed. Get those doors re-open for stragglers and someone please set that sign up!"

The team started to trickle out and Maya looked at Carina, “Get ready for the questions, they’re all nosy and all very much my friends just as much as they are my subordinates,” Carina chucked and nodded her head, getting ready to go help Maya where she could.

The hours started to pass and Carina found herself busy helping Ben with any medical emergencies walking in through the door.

Maya was in the middle of walking around, checking on her team and the people who had filtered into the station when both Vic and Andy ended up at her sides. “So who’s the girl?”

“And how’d she end up here with you?”

“If I recall you both came out of the same car which means you were with her pre-storm,”

“Is this where you’ve been spending your Friday nights?”

Maya groaned playfully at their rapid-fire questions, “You know who she is unless you weren’t listening to her introduction. And, we’ve been meeting up on Fridays at 5 and just spending some time together, I got stuck in the snowstorm with her it was just too awful to walk home,”

Vic and Andy looked at each other with a small grin, “So, you guys are dating?”

Maya clicked her tongue, “Not dating,”

“But you want to be?”

Maya hesitated before shrugging, “Not important. Go do something,” Maya shooed them away and watched as the two walked away grinning widely.

By the end of the evening after a small bout of snow, the doors of station 19 had closed and it was just Maya, her team, and Carina around. Carina walked into the office, her coat hanging over her arm as she got ready to leave.

Maya looked up, “You heading out?” Maya asked.

Carina nodded, “I am. But I had a really good time here today,”

Maya grinned, “I’m glad. And thank you for taking me here and volunteering to help. You really made all the difference here today,” Maya stood up and put her hands in her pocket. “Your clothes are in my locker, I can grab them if you want,”

Carina shook her head, “No need. Keep them or take them home and clean them, I don’t mind. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again,” Carina winked gently.

Maya sputtered, a light blush coating her cheeks before she nodded. “Yeah, next Friday?” Maya asked.

Carina nodded with a small grin, backing up to grab the door handle. “Next Friday,” Carina confirmed.

Maya paused and cleared her throat before Carina was fully out of the door, “We should exchange numbers or something. Pick out a new spot to meet for the winter since it’s been so cold,”

Carina grinned, hand reaching for her pocket to pull out her phone. “Yeah, just to pick out a new spot,” Carina said.

“Or to text, and stuff,”

“And stuff,” Carina repeated with a small chuckle. The two exchanged numbers and then Carina was off on her way back to her apartment, leaving Maya alone with a terribly large smile on her face.

Two weeks went by and then they had their first official date planned. After that date went amazingly, perfect in ways they couldn’t imagine, they had planned their second date. After their second date, Maya had begun to shut Carina out which Carina was quick to call her out on and shut down. Soon after working through that, they planned their third date, and the third date was all Carina needed to know before making a final decision about Maya.

Their fourth date had been in the first week of February, most couples were waiting to have their date nights in the second week of the month on the fourteenth. Carina and Maya found themselves in a fancier restaurant, both of them dressed in their favorite dresses. After saving up for a special night on both parts, they were able to make their fourth date something special and worth remembering.

Carina laughed, leaning against the table, fork in her hands as she reached for her glass of water. She took a small sip as Maya grinned, “I’m going to say something, and I don’t want to scare you off when I say it,”

Maya nodded, “Alright. Say what you have to say,” Maya pushed around some of her food as she waited for what Carina had to say.

The entire time Carina spoke, their eyes never looked away from each other. “I have people in my life who are staying in my life forever. I call them my forevers and I’m missing one last forever that’s going to make my life better and entirely change the way I live my life. I think you’re my last forever,”

Maya chuckled, “You do?”

Carina nodded, “Definitely. I know you are. And I know we aren’t even girlfriends yet or anything special like that,”

Maya quickly interrupted, “I’d like to argue that we are something special,” Maya winked at her.

Carina laughed, “Okay, so we are something special, but we’re not girlfriends,”

“Not yet,”

“Not yet,” Carina repeated. “But I fully have the intention of marrying you,”

Maya laughed, not all too surprised by Carina’s confidence and fearlessness to speak her mind. “Is that so?”

“It is. I never really thought I would be the marrying type but then you showed up. I want you to be my forever. I want to have forever to learn as much as I can about you and I hope you’ll take forever to learn as much as you can about me,”

Maya paused, “We don’t get forever, Carina, as much as I wish we did,” Maya smiled at her sadly.

Carina fiddled with the edge of her napkin, “Well, I want a forever with you, even if it’s not really forever. So take forever to see where we end or we begin. Do what you need to do so that we can have forever together, because like I said, I’m going to marry you.”

“Okay,” Maya agreed. Carina began to grin and Maya laughed, lifting her glass. “To forever with you,” Maya said.

Carina lifted her glass, clinking the rim with Maya’s, “To forever with you,” Carina repeated her words and both girls lifted their glasses to their lips, grinning as they sipped their drink.

It was the night of their wedding night that Maya felt like she was finally okay with the idea of forever. That after marrying her, standing in a white dress with Carina across from her, she could finally grasp that her forever was right ahead of her and it wasn’t fighting fires, it was Carina. Carina was forever.

Maya wrapped her arms around Carina’s waist, lightly swaying with her to the soft music. “I’m glad I get forever with you,” Carina whispered.

Maya rested her forehead against Carina’s, “I’m glad I get forever to see where you end,” Maya whispered.

Carina gently echoed her words, “To see where you end.”