Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What it means to be an Irene is to love. To give to others without needing payment in return. To be kind, and selfless, generous and sweet. To exhume tenderness with the grace and elegance that fuels your natural leadership, as everyone in all the realms is drawn to your sacred heart. In search of your aid, they will find themselves kneeling at your heels, devoting the rest of their lives to worshipping the woman that has given them so much for so little. You must be the Goddess, the Matron, the mother, that gives sight to the blind, life to the elderly, vitality to the ill and sickly, and a home to all who need shelter. You are life. You are the definition of pure of heart. You are… perfect.

…But Ava was the one in charge now, and Ava says that’s a big load of boring-ass bullshit. So fuck that noise, she’s gonna do whatever the hell she feels like, and if anyone else has a problem with it, they can kiss her ass.

Ava is a New Yorker with a fantastic life. She’s doing great. She doesn’t have any friends, but that’s because people are judgmental assholes who can’t keep their nose out of other peoples business, so Ava doesn’t need friends. She has herself, and that’s all she’s ever needed to get by in this world. She refuses to accept anything less or anything more. If she’s alone, then she can be herself, and if she can be herself, she can thrive.

That being said, “being herself,” has also led to being fired from most of the businesses she’s ever worked for. Retail was a disaster, she nearly took some old lady’s head off by throwing a stool at her face in the middle of a viciously heated argument, restaurants didn’t work either when the manager found her stuffing her face on customer’s orders in the back alley, and she got fired from the one singular desk job she’s ever had for “disrupting the work environment” with her “inappropriate clothing style” and her “singing explicit rock music about sex at the top of her lungs during work hours.” So, no, work was not going so hot, but Ava was sure that was just because these stuffy old dipshits couldn’t appreciate what real passion looked like.

At the moment, she had managed to find a job that was more her style. She was a freelance digital artist, devoid of any stuffy old boss making everything worse, because the only boss was herself. Which was both difficult to manage, but also a huge relief. Turns out, people on the internet will pay quite a hefty sum in order to see their favorite fictional characters passionately fornicating. Which was a market she fit right in with and was happy to exploit, though it did mean that it was harder to find friends that didn’t clutch their pearls and scoff at her once they found out what she did for a living. It also meant that her dads didn’t fully take her seriously. They kept insisting that art wasn’t a “stable enough job” and maybe if they kept recommending to her a thousand different new jobs she could try, they might find something that works! Like… a banker!

Ava did not want to be a fucking banker. Ava would rather die.

…but, she was thankful that her dads kept sending her small envelopes of money to help her get by and pay rent in the meantime. She hated depending on them still, even in her adulthood, but… Life was hard. It was hard to find where you fit in in a world that rejects you at every turn and expects you to be broken and molded down into some sort of obedient, plain, vanilla and lifeless cog.

How was she ever supposed to fit in, in this world? No one liked her, no one wanted her around. All her life, she’d been bullied and picked on by her peers for who she was. No friendship she made ever lasted long, regardless of whether or not she actually cared about them and wanted them to stay, because somehow she’d always end up knee-deep in stupid, petty drama that set everything aflame. Everything she touched withered away from her and burnt to a crisp. She wanted love, she wanted friends who supported her, who were like her and understood how she felt, but everywhere she turned, doors slammed in her face and the people she trusted spat on her name. Nothing stayed. Everything went away, eventually.

…Her phone buzzed in her pocket with a notification. She pulled it out, and saw it was a text message.

Everyone went away, but the thorn in her side, Lorelai. She huffed out an irritated sigh, and clicked her phone shut, ignoring the message.

Lorelai didn’t understand a damn thing. Lorelai needed to take a hint. I’m not your charity case, dumbass. I don’t need your help, I’m fine.

Life was fantastic, wasn’t it? She didn’t have a single regret in the world. Everything was doing great, and Ava was fine.

The last thing she needed was someone else trying to help her, like she needed help at all. She didn’t need anyone, she was fine being alone! She didn’t need friends, she didn’t need company or support, all she needed was— Oh my God, was that comet in the sky headed straight for her?

She had been deep in thought walking her daily commute from her house to the deli on the corner for lunch. She was taking the quiet back alleyway home, sandwiches and snacks now stuffed in her purse, when she finally looked up at the sky and had to do a double take. She had seen a brilliant white light against the vivid blue, shining as whatever glowing, indecipherable mass was burning up in the atmosphere, it’s trajectory set to collide with the ground directly underneath Ava’s feet, and it was getting close.

“Shit!” She hissed in a panic, turning and trying to sprint away as fast as she could before the speeding meteor, which was practically already on top of her, started to shake the ground and create this roaring whistling sound as it sliced through the air and crashed into the ground behind her. The knockback flung her off her feet and sent her skidding against the concrete, wind whipping past as smoke and dust billowed out of the ground in plumes.

The air settled. Ava slowly unfurled from a protective, curled-up fetal position, her hands over her head, until she craned her neck to look over at what had landed a few feet away from her.

Thankfully, it hadn’t hurt her other than some nasty scrapes on her arm and leg, and it didn’t cause much property damage aside from a cracked up dent in the concrete where it landed, but… as the smoke started to steadily dissipate, she pushed herself up and carefully approached the smog of the wreckage.

She really wanted to see what it was. Maybe a really cool, epic chunk of meteor that she could sell for millions of dollars? Maybe an alien craft beyond all human imagination that she could, once again, sell for a million dollars? Mainly she just wanted to see if she might have just become a millionaire. And quickly, before anyone else came along to investigate the sound and thought they could have a say on what was clearly her new prize.

She stepped to the edge of the wreckage, and the smoke cleared to reveal…

…fucking PEOPLE?

There were five humanoid looking people lying on the ground, groaning and rubbing their heads, one of them sitting up and trying to clear the dust out of…his eyes? His? It’s? Their? What pronouns do aliens have again? Because this was definitely some sort of case of “holy shit, aliens are actually real, Lorelai’s gonna be so insufferable about her actually being right, I can’t believe the universe itself actually proved me wrong for every stupid argument I’ve ever had with Lorelai about whether or not aliens are real where I tried to scoff and say, ‘aliens aren’t real, stupid!’ and now the universe is laughing in my fucking face with how stupidly wrong I was.” but like, without the space craft.

They were certainly dressed differently, wearing elaborate and vividly colorful robes with runes seemingly scorched into the fabric. It was a kind of fashion style that maybe only the most detailed of cosplayers would don for a ’fantasy anime’ convention. They each had horns, curling and vibrant upon their heads, hooves for feet, sharp claws, fangs, animalistic pointed eyes with oddly shaped pupils, and skin colored with patches of scales, like along their cheekbones and the bridge of their nose.

The first one, who was sitting up, seemed to be the second largest in the group. He had long, pronged ivory-white horns that jutted out and curled like a bull’s, decorated with elaborate jewelry and gold (alien gold!) on both his horns, his long, deer-like ears, his neck, and his hands, from what Ava could see. He was dressed in shades of black and orange with yellow highlights, like a flame, with piercing, golden eyes. He had a black devil’s tail that swirled and twisted in the air behind him—in fact, they all had devil tails.

The first largest, who seemed to snap alert the soonest and was doing a sharp, precursory scan of his environment, and was now fixated on her, seemed to be one massive truck of a man(?) at least twice her size and height. He was a pure, unfiltered muscle machine, and only half of all his glory was covered up by an ornate robe, that thankfully also wrapped around his waist. His horns were a massive rack of antlers that thrummed a shade of deep, dark blue, with eyes the same hue as his robes. He was covered in scars, one of which was a branded sigil burned deep into his skin, right over his heart, between his… admittedly plush pectoral muscles (that Ava did a double take at. Nice.)

The third largest had unfortunately gotten his horns stuck in the ground and was currently struggling to yank them out of the concrete. The gap between “second place” and “third place” in musculature and size was quite large, with this one surely only being about two inches taller than Ava herself, which, next to most of the human men she’d seen, would probably render this man as pretty short. He had white hair, green horns, and robes in fitting shades of black, white, and green, with some flashy gold jewelry to match.

Somewhere in the middle was a tall and slender man(???) in darker, navier blue robes than the lighter blue muscle man. This one had darker skin, with diamond-shaped glasses and dark brown hair. He was beginning to sit up as well, trying to clean off his glasses and look around to survey his surroundings. He seemed significantly less armed and ready-to-kill than the others in his party.

The last one, who was by far the tiniest, surely shorter than Ava herself (which was quite the feat), was a pale-skinned, red-headed boy(?????) covered in diamond-shaped freckles. He had some scars, including one on his face, and a little bit of muscle, but his physique was better described as “toned” than anything denser of description. He was dressed in robes that were colored orange, yellow, and white.

“Sir,” The largest one said, as he stared Ava down like a hawk. “We have company.”

Oh, good, they can speak English. Ava thought in a sarcastic tone. That might put a wrench in the whole “money making scheme” thing, if they can speak for themselves. Wait— how are they speaking English?

The ivory-horned man, who seemed to be the ringleader of the group, finally snapped his attention towards Ava, and with it, caused a chain reaction that led to the entire group realizing she was there. He bared his teeth at her with a guttural growl, and stood up, stomping towards her until he loomed over her with a nasty snarl. Ava did not budge.

“Who are you? Where are we? State the name of your planet, solar identification unit, and whatever Empire your kind are presently allied with.” He sneered, like he was something big and scary to be cowed to.

Haha, ‘cowed.’ Because he looks kinda like a cow. Ava snickered to herself, which she kept locked inside her internal dialogue, including the smile. “How are you speaking English?” She asked instead, squinting in curiosity.

“What?” He faltered.

“English. A human language? On Earth? Aren’t you an alien? How would you know it?”

“‘Earth’? Is that the name of your planet?”

She shrugged. “It is to us. I don’t know what the deal is with your ‘solar identification code’ or whatever the fuck it is you just said to me, but like-… that’s what we call it, so.”

“No solar identification code…?” He leaned back, lost in confusion.

The slender one with diamond-shaped glasses stepped to the forefront of the conversation. “It’s possible that wherever we were transported to, we were sent outside of the reach of any of the Empires. This planet must be wild territory, uncolonized.”

“Hm.“ Their leader smirked, as if proud of himself. “That sounds like an opportunity to me…”

“‘Opportunity’?” Ava scowled.

They both looked to her, thinking, then turned back, ignoring her. “This must be one of the feral residents, sir. Perhaps she might have a better idea of where we are…” The glasses man advised.

“Feral?!” Ava squawked, offended. “I am not feral, I am a human being! What do you think I am, some kind of raccoon?!”

“Rack…coon…?” Their leader squinted.

“Careful, sir.” The truck-of-a-man came closer, putting a foot between his leader and Ava. “She might be armed.”

She did indeed remember the mace she had in her purse. “Armed?! Of course I’m fucking armed! And you’re gonna find out exactly what this feral resident can do if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Their leader opened his mouth to speak, but the smartest one of the bunch stopped him with a gentle touch to his forearm, stepping forward with a ’I’ll take care of this’ nod. He addressed her with formal civility. “We are soldiers of The Daemos Empire, and we have been-…” He hesitated with a slight wince, trying to find a tactful way to explain this. “Stranded, on your planet. We no longer have access to our original home, and will need to find some way to survive here, on unfamiliar territory. My name is Rhys, and this is our Prince and Captain, Asch.” He directed his hand towards the truck-man, “This is Pierce,” then to the smaller, red-headed man trailing behind with a nervous and wary yet ready-to-fight expression on his face, “Noi,” and then to the man who was still fighting with the ground to get his horns out of the concrete, “and finally, Leif.”

He turned back to Ava. “The reason we are able to communicate is due to the magic of the device that transported us here. It allows our words to be seamlessly translated into the languages of the planets and civilizations we inhabit, from our mouths directly into your brains. Neat, huh?” He seemed to… smile at her.

“…Huh.” She huffed, still holding her hand over the pocket in her purse where the mace was buried. “Alright. So… you’re aliens from outer space that got stranded on my planet?”

“Unfortunately, yes. And I’m afraid we’ve never encountered your ‘Earth’ before, so-… we have no idea where and how we are supposed to find food or shelter, and-… well, if we want to survive in this new and undiscovered world, we would be in great need of a guide. Perhaps you could help us? Or at least, direct us towards someone who could function as a sufficient guide? At least so we can learn where we are and what we’re up against.”

…Well, shit.

She wasn’t expecting that. And something about the reactions of the other men told her they weren’t expecting that offer either, but…it was, unfortunately, true… so they were visibly backing down and allowing Rhys to take the lead on this angle, if a bit reluctantly. Clearly, asking for help wasn’t something most of them wanted to do, even if Rhys seemed fine with it.

Her first thought was to say ’No! Absolutely not, you fucking alien weirdos! I’m not gonna help you!’ and redirect them to another apartment building for them to try to beg some other idiot for help. But… that idea didn’t survive under its own weight for very long.

They were in Manhattan. The city where everyone minds their own fuckin business, including and especially the weirdos. Weirdos were commonplace here, you saw them in the subway going home from work every day, and if there’s anything the city’s taught her, it’s to turn a blind eye and keep moving forward. The city was a cold and ruthless place, where everyone was out to get their own cut of the scam. Maybe there had been some sort of camaraderie and kindness that would have helped out a few strange, amnesiac cosplayers out if they begged random strangers for help, but ever since the pandemic, that heart of the city had rotted and turned viciously self-centered. Ava knew from personal experience that…if she set them out on the streets to fend for themselves, these freaks wouldn’t make it very far. No one would help them. It was a dog-eat-dog world, and letting them loose without any supervision (especially since they also did not know a damn thing about Earth laws) would get them served on a silver platter for dinner.

She sighed.

She came into this scenario hoping to make a million bucks, and instead came out of it a fucking babysitter. How wonderful.

“Alright.” She caved. “Fine. Fine. You can come with me, I’ll take you home, I can be your guide. For now.” She held up a firm finger, pointing menacingly in their faces. “But all of you better fucking behave, and do exactly what I tell you to do, or else I’m going to throw you out and you’ll get fucking eaten alive by this city with no one to save you. Got it?”

Of course, they took that threat a bit more literally than how Ava meant it, but that was fine in her book. They seemed thoroughly spooked, and nodded along in silence.

“Good. Good. My name’s Ava. Welcome to Earth.” She turned and beckoned for them to start following her. “Now come on, I’ll take you all back to my apartment—“

“Wait! Leif’s still stuck in the ground, we gotta get him out first!” Noi, the tiny one, finally piped up. He was pointing at his furiously scrambling and cursing companion.

“Oh, dear…” Rhys held a hand to his lips. “It seems we’ve encountered a minor error in the transportation spell.”

“Yeesh.” Asch winced. “Hey, maybe we should leave him there overnight. Serves his obnoxious ass right for being such a prick.” He snickered meanly. Rhys didn’t seem to entirely disagree with him, either.

“Sir.” Pierce said, a mild, disapproving firmness present in his voice, deep and low with a bass that shuddered its way through Ava’s bones.

Asch looked up at him, indignant, stammering as he tried to insist and justify his proposal. Pierce only slightly raised an eyebrow, and did not blink. Asch trailed off to an exasperated silence. And then caved with an angry and bitter sigh, shaking his head and clenching his eyes shut. “Fine. Help him out.” He grumbled.

“Thank you, sir.” Pierce nodded.

Noi and Rhys came over to grab him by the waist and try to pull him out, grunting and scrabbling against the stone. He didn’t budge an inch, until Pierce came along, bent down to grab him with one hand clenching around the back of his neck (making him freeze up with a slight hitch), one hand clenching onto his back and side, and then yanked back at full force. He popped out with a yelp, his green, hooked horns breaking through the concrete. One of them snapped in half, the hooked tip left wedged in the cement.

Pierce let him go and Leif stood up with a wobble, regaining his bearings. He lifted a hand to rub the broken off, flat end of his horn with a tragic whine. Noi winced in sympathy.

“Alright, we’re free to go.” Asch declared with a nod, turning back around to face Ava, gesturing her to continue. “Go on, then.”

They all scurried to walk behind her like a gaggle of baby ducklings, obediently following her every step (with Leif trailing behind at the back). It honestly felt pretty good, leading a squadron of strange, attractive men that were too ignorantly naive to do anything but trust her every word. She could lead them off a cliff, and they’d (probably) be none the wiser. The power was quickly going to her head.

A few seconds later, Noi seemed struck by something. He started sniffing the air, catching up to the scent until he ended up right at Ava’s side, looking down into her purse. “Mistress Ava? Do you have something in your bag?” He asked, his voice small and polite.

“What? The mace—?” She looked down, and saw the sandwiches she’d stuffed in there earlier. “Oh. Just uh-…some sandwiches and snacks that I stole— I mean, that I respectably bought with my own money, haha…” She coughed. “Why, are you hungry?”

Noi avoided looking her in the eye, squirming nervously. “…Mmm… no?” He tried.

“When was the last time you ate.” Ava drilled her glare into his skull.

“What, like, a week ago?” Asch scoffed. “There was a lot of shit going on before the whole exile went down, I would be surprised if any of us got a bite to eat during that mess. Honestly, I thought we’d just continue to starve out here until we had to resort to cannibalism to survive. In which case, I vote Leif.”

“Oy!” Leif barked, speeding up to stomp by his side, glaring up at him. “…Buy me dinner first.”

“You are my dinner, dumbass.”

“A week ago?!” Her voice strained with a shrill. “Shit, alright, uhhh-… Wait, what do you guys eat? Meat? Plants? …Bugs?”

“Bugs, she says,” Asch laughed at her. “Bugs are for special occasions only, idiot. Duh.”

“We are an omnivorous species, if that’s what you’re asking.” Rhys clarified.

“Yes, actually, that is what I was asking.” She rifled through her purse, pulling out a large sandwich and breaking it in half. She presented it to Noi and Pierce, trusting them to distribute the pieces faithfully. “Uh… try to share this evenly amongst yourselves, alright? I’ll see if I can get you something more substantial while we’re inside. This was… sort of supposed to be my lunch, so… I don’t have much else on me right now. This’ll have to do for now.”

“What is it?” Noi held it in his palm the wrong way.

“A ham sandwich. Don’t overthink it.”

“Very well.” Pierce took a piece for himself and handed the next to his captain, and then Leif, while Noi handed half of his portion to Rhys.

“We’ll eat as we go. Come on.”

——

Hours later, a young woman walked the usual path to Ava’s apartment, and stumbled upon an unusual crater in the ground. “Oh, goodness…” She gasped, running over to the scene. “What on earth… happened here…?”

It seemed like something must have crash-landed into the ground from…space? If someone jumped off of the roof of the apartment building, it wouldn’t have left a crater this large. Usually craters like this were only left behind by meteors, as far as she knew. Thankfully, it hadn’t seemed to hit Ava’s building at all, which was a relief! Does Ava know about this…? She thought with a worried hum, tapping her chin.

As she investigated further, her eye caught on a flash of…bright green jutting out of the ground? She stepped closer, and realized it had the same rings, sheen, and texture of something akin to an ibex’s horn, with the ground thoroughly cracked almost to a fine dust all around it. A vacant hole was left perfectly perpendicular to its right, a hole about the same thickness as the other horn.

She reached out to poke it, and quickly realized it wasn’t anything plastic or fake. She curled her hand around the base, and with a hefty tug, she yanked it out of the crumbling cement, and held… a broken, curled, bright green horn in her hands.

How strange.

She looked back up at the sky. Did this… come from outer space? Could this be… alien proof?

She pulled out her phone and unlocked the screen. It immediately opened to what she had just checked a second prior—her messages with Ava. She had texted to ask if she could swing over to her apartment and hang out for the afternoon, but Ava never responded, so she figured she’d show up and ask in person. She’d even brought her the gift of take-out (free food) that she was certain she wouldn’t say no to, but… it seems that would have to wait.

Something much, much more interesting just materialized on her plate today.

Chapter Text

“Alright! I’m setting some ground rules.” Ava had announced, standing in the middle of the living room, where the five other alien men that crash-landed on her front door were now seated on her couch and two loveseats, surrounding a glass coffee table that they had somehow managed to not break yet. They were all snacking on extra sandwiches that she had made for them, experiencing brand new flavors they’d never known before. Which thankfully meant they wouldn’t judge how shitty Ava’s “cooking” actually was.

“Do you guys have like-…kitchens in your world? A room in your house where you cook food?”

Asch swallowed his bite and replied. “In the castle, there’s a large kitchen where the royal chefs cook the food.”

“You lived in a castle?” Ava swerved towards him.

“I’m a Prince, dumbass.”

“Are-… are any of you also royalty? Any other Princes I should know about?”

“No, silly!” Noi laughed at her. “Why would you think we’re royalty? We’re much more lower ranked than that!”

“Not that much…” Leif grumbled.

“There are only so many words we can use to describe our society’s social structure—which I’m certain is very different from yours—due to the limitations of your Earthly language. You don’t have exactly the right words to describe the kinds of-… rankings that we hold, but nonetheless I will try to explain.” Rhys began, setting his sandwich aside by sliding his plate onto the coffee table. She would have been fine if he placed it literally anywhere else, but the small show of manners was nice.

Working the magic of the translator to decipher into the most matching human words, he continued, “We are the… royal consorts of Prince Asch. A sort of squadron consisting of the best possible defenders, hunters, and advisors chosen specifically to aid in the day-to-day survival of our Prince. My rank is Advisor,” He pulled up one of his sleeves to reveal a black sigil etched onto his skin, different from the others. “I practice magic and mentor the Prince in learning said magic. I help run the royal library and archive of the castle, and give him advice on how to lead, how to be diplomatic, utilizing finances, strategy in war and combat, etcetera.”

He gestured towards Pierce and Leif. They both had a different mark branded into their chests, but for them, it was the same. “Pierce and Leif are-… as you say, Defenders. Knights. Bodyguards. They have been highly trained in combat for decades and now specialize in all things bloodshed and carnage. They are designed to be our Prince’s right-hand-men, they follow him everywhere and protect his life with their own. They are his executioners, the extension of his own blade.”

Then, directed to Noi, “Noi is our… hunter? Provider? Cook? Lesser defender? He fetches food and goods for the Prince. The Prince never has to enter the wilds to hunt and survive, because Noi will do it for him. Noi provides him with nourishment, with life, with sustenance and purpose. Noi takes care of him and his body, and gives him the energy and satisfaction that a Prince needs to fulfill his duties. Noi is the caretaker of the group, in a way. He can fight and kill just as well as Leif here could, but his talents are more specialized towards live game and fauna, tracking and poisons and flora, the natural world around him, as opposed to simple killing of other Daemos. There are many a unique and daunting creature on the planet of Daemos, it takes a specialized level of skill to be able to take one down without getting crushed or sliced to pieces in the process.”

“Aww, shucks, Rhys…” Noi beamed, waving him off with a bashful flush. “I’m not that cool…”

“Nonsense. We’d all starve without you.” Rhys looked at him fondly.

“Wait, so-… ’royal consorts’… Are you guys some sort of polycule, then?” Ava asked.

That word struck Rhys like a dart of unfamiliarity landing straight between his eyebrows. The spell over each of them worked it’s magic to try to translate it by dividing it up into various different, similar words that Rhys visibly had trouble churning around in his brain, trying to make the pieces fit together to form a cohesive concept, but… “…What?” He choked out with a chuckle. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.”

“Are you all fucking each other. Are you fucking. That’s what I’m asking.”

All five of them nearly choked on their food at once.

Leif and Noi started to crack up laughing. Rhys turned a few shades redder and covered his mouth with a quieter, “Oh.”

Asch faced her with his usual stern demeanor, though this time slightly askew. Thrown off balance by the slightly flustered cotton ball forming in his brain. Were his cheeks blushing…a brighter shade of orange? “Yes, of course we are. That’s quite literally the whole point of the job description. I am their Captain and they are my council, why wouldn’t we be fucking?”

Now that sounded like an idea Ava could get behind. Oh, how nice it would be to have a “council” of her own, with her at the head…

She eyed Asch closely.

She wondered if “captains” can be overthrown.

“Okay, I get it. I get it.” She nodded slyly, pulling aside the futon Noi wasn’t using to be placed right where she was standing, sitting down with her hands gripping her knees. “So you guys have some perspective of what kind of society you’re gonna be dealing with now: we don’t have any of that.”

“What?” Asch sneered at her, appalled. “Why not?”

“There was a whole-ass war about how monarchy in America is banned, or- something- it was a huge historical thing, and it cascaded out to the rest of the world, and now the monarchies we do have are small and scarce, from what very little I’ve heard. And most people on Earth are pretty monogamous.”

“Fascinating.” Rhys hummed.

“Are you monogamous, Mistress Ava?” Noi asked.

“I-… would like not to be!” She shrugged. “Relationships are a pain in the ass, so I don’t know how well having multiple of them at the same time would go for me given my ‘lucky track record,’ but I’d like to give it a try.”

Everyone took note of that.

“Anyway- Ground rules, this is the living room, that’s the kitchen, that’s the bathroom, do not break anything in there, and that’s my bedroom. Do not come in there without knocking. Or preferably ever. You live in New York City, this place is cutthroat as hell, but at least you won’t be questioned too much if you end up on the streets looking and acting like a fucking weirdo. And remember this- humans don’t know aliens exist. And if they realize you’re an alien, they will hunt you down and sell you to the government. Probably.” She coughed, then returned to laying on the sternness. “You cannot let them know you’re not human. For your own safety sake. Which will be a bit hard, considering you’ve got hooves and horns and tails and weird scales. But that’s fine, because humans have also advanced a lot in the art of costume making and cosplay. So if ever we go outside, say you’re going to a con, or a convention. Or a renaissance fair. Say you’re going to a fair. Some sort of event where dressing up in a costume is highly encouraged and recommended.”

It dawned on her that she might have to dress up, too, if she wanted to really sell the bit to some people. Perhaps she should look into buying medieval fantasy-esque clothing. Or at the very least, a really cool sword. You can never go wrong with a really cool sword.

“That way, most people will think ‘oh, cool costume!’ Instead of ‘aaah, alien invasion! Dissect them and pull out their innards, quick!’ Or at the very worst case, they’ll think you’re weird for being in costume all the damn time, but it’s better to be seen as a weird human than an alien. Got it?”

They nodded along.

Except for Leif. “I don’t get it. If the danger is that they’re gonna try to kill us, then we can just-… fight back, kill them, and move on with our lives. Can’t we?”

“NO! No you can’t just— kill someone! You can’t kill anyone on this planet! No killing! Absolutely zero killing!”

Everyone had varying, strong reactions to that.

“Awww… Why not?” Leif whined, as disheartened as if someone shot his favorite balloon.

“How do you get anything done on this stupid planet?” Asch sneered.

“I don’t know what kind of free-murder laws you had back on your planet, but here on Earth, killing another human is strictly forbidden. It is very very illegal and seen as horribly morally bad. You’ll face severe punishments, possibly even execution, if you kill someone on this planet. You can’t kill anyone’s pets, either. I don’t know if that’s-…illegal? It might be? I don’t know? But it would seriously upset someone, and they’d be very willing to take legal action against you for it, if they have the room to. All dogs or cats are off limits for murdering. You could-…probably get away with killing a pigeon, if no one saw you? I don’t know, that might be illegal too, actually. Also, no knives or swords in public. Or weapons in general, while we’re out in public. And if you want to steal something, don’t steal something too big, don’t get caught or seen, and by God, do not fight your way out of it. Just run. If you get your ass caught, they’re gonna go after me next.”

“‘They’?” Pierce raised an eyebrow. It was the most he’d said during this meeting so far.

“The cops. The authorities of this planet. The people who have the power to punish you for whatever crimes you commit, so-… don’t fucking get caught.”

“Aww man… Why’d they have to send us to one of the boring pacifist planets?” Leif complained, kicking his head back in a whining groan. “Couldn’t they have sent us somewhere more exciting…?”

“Oh trust me, I don’t like it here either.” Ava huffed. “But if you want to get anywhere on this planet, you need to know how to survive on this planet. And if any of you break any of those rules, you’re gonna wish the police found you first, because I’m gonna break you like a goddamn Twix bar if I find out any of you got caught.”

Asch gulped and felt the tips of his ears get a bit hot. Leif, Rhys, and Noi were all thoroughly spooked, but Leif was trying to be cocky and hide it. He was doing a bad job at it. Pierce seemed unphased, and only gave her a dutiful, respectful nod.

“Am I understood?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

This week was going to be the most interesting week of her life.

——

The boys settled in on the living room couch and floor with a few extra blankets and pillows. Not too many, though. Some of them had to share.

None of them were asleep.

“So…” Leif traced his finger along Asch’s sternum. The two of them were sharing a blanket on the couch. (Noi and Rhys were also sharing a blanket on the floor, and Pierce was sleeping alone, also on the floor. The blanket barely even covered his upper body.) “What’s the plan, boss?”

Asch was glaring daggers at the ceiling, lying on his back. “They were wrong about me.” He spat. “They were wrong. And they’ll sorely regret it.”

“Yeah!” Noi was trying to be very emotionally supportive.

“As soon as we’ve gathered all the information we need from our human guide, we’re leaving this stupid ‘cave’ and conquering this planet for ourselves.”

“The whole planet? With just the five of us?” Rhys sounded much more concerned, however.

“Yeah! We could do it, we’re tough! Pierce could probably wipe out this entire planet single-handedly! Right, Pierce?” Asch craned his neck and shoulderblades to look down in the direction of Pierce, who was sleeping with his back to the lot of them.

He was silent for a minute. “…It’s likely.” He muttered.

“See?! We could totally do this, no trouble. We’ll be fine.” He nodded to himself, resting his head back on his pillow and closing his eyes. “And once this planet has been thoroughly dominated, we’ll move on to all the other planets in the solar system, and then, this entire sector of the galaxy!” He held his claws up high in the air above his head, and clenched them shut into a fist.

“Right, well… I’m certain this planet is possible for conquering, but if we want to venture further out than that, we’re going to need some sort of space-travel vehicle if we want to visit other planets.” Rhys said, apprehensive.

“Then we’ll find one of the human’s spaceships and take it.”

Rhys squinted even further at that. “…Do we know if-… this species even has spaceships yet?”

Asch’s eyes shot back open. The confidence drained from his blanching expression.

“IiiiI’m sure we’ll be able to find one!” Noi butt in, anxiously grabbing onto Rhys’s shoulder and eyeing Asch with a severe warning in his eyes. “This looks like a pretty technologically advanced society to me, after all! I’m certain it’s only a matter of time, and hey, worst case scenario, we just grab one of the smarter machine-building locals and make them build one!”

“That works for me.” Leif chuckled under his breath.

Asch seemed to steadily relax. Uncertain, but… He chased it away from his mind in an instant. “Right. We’ll find a way back, I’m certain.”

“…Right.” Everyone else agreed, if… a bit hesitant to believe it.

“Then we’ll make them ever regret exiling me.” He growled through his teeth.

——

It took hours upon hours for Ava to fall asleep. She spent the night listening and waiting tensely for the sounds of movement, or crashes, or disasters, or whatever it would sound like when five bumbling, idiotic aliens accidentally tear off the faucet of her sink, or the door off her fridge, or-… something. Eventually, her body grew too tired to stay up, and she unintentionally drifted into a few brief hours of deep sleep, with not a hitch in sight.

She woke up a few hours later feeling like it was a brand new day. Sleepily dragging herself out of bed, her hair a mess, the sunlight shining pink through her curtains into her bedroom, she was thinking to herself about the wild dream she had. It was absolutely insane, a meteor had fallen from the sky and turned into five men, and they were all aliens that she was taking under her care. Absolutely ridiculous, right? Man, she couldn’t believe the kind of crazy, vivid stuff her brain could come up with overnight. Who comes up with that kind of stuff? Either way, she’s extremely happy that she’s woken up to reality now, and the dream is finally over. She opened her bedroom door—and oh god they were still here.

Uuuuuuuuuggghh. No.

“Ah, Mistress Ava! You’re finally awake!” Noi swerved towards her, beaming with all the chipper and cheer of an ordinary morning person.

“N-…no. No. No I’m not.” She strained, shaking her head with drooping, squinting eyes. “I’m-… going back to bed.”

“Wait wait wait! Mistress Ava!” Noi jumped after her and caught her forearm just before she closed the door. “Hold on!”

“Oh, God, what is it?” She winced.

“I promise I won’t be long, I just—… Is the water poisonous?”

“…What?” She blinked very slowly. “I mean- it better fucking not be, or else I’m gonna have to have a talk with my landlord.”

“It’s not like-… poisonous by default? It’s safe to drink from the water faucets?”

“Wh- Yes, did you think it wasn’t—“ Oh, no, wait, that probably means they’re going to drink from the bathtub directly or something. She’s going to have five attractive men lapping from her bathtub like dogs, isn’t she? That’s really fucking weird. Technically it works, but oh god that’s too weird for her to allow. “I- But use a cup first, alright? You drink water from cups.”

“Yes, right! Uh-… where are all your goblets again?”

Ava groaned. “Just- Come with me, let me show you.” She grumbled, reluctantly leaving her bedroom behind and leading Noi to the open kitchen, weaving past the other Daemos crowded around in various spots throughout the living space.

I should have bought dog bowls.

“Alright, listen up, all of you fuckers!” She pointed to the pantry. All five men were looking at her now. “This is the pantry! It holds all of the cups—but not snacks, don’t eat any of the snacks or I’ll kill you. But if you want a glass of water, you take one of the cups,” She demonstrated as she spoke, bringing a cheap, plastic cup to the sink, “You bring the cup to the sink, this is the kitchen sink, and you carefully turn the knobs for cold or hot water. You pour it in the cup, and now you have a glass of water you can sanely drink from. It will not poison you, I repeat, it will not poison you. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Only Noi said, but she got some sort of nod or affirmative from the others as well.

“Any more questions?”

She should not have asked that.

She spent the rest of her morning suffering through the Pandora’s box of curious and clueless alien questions she had opened. The Daemos men learned a lot about Earth, and Ava learned that she wanted to die.

Chapter Text

After both breakfast and lunch where she had to feed five more people than usual, her already pitiful supply of food in the fridge and pantry was beginning to look like a barren wasteland. She hissed a long, exhausted sigh through her teeth.

It was time to go shopping for groceries.

She’d probably have to start cooking, considering how much the price of a six-person-tall takeout order would increase. Problem is, she didn’t really know how to…cook… at all ever. She was actually kind of mortifyingly bad at it.

…but Noi was a chef, wasn’t he? His whole job was food. Maybe he could take care of all the cooking, if she was willing to try alien interpretations of earthly ingredients (which did sound interesting).

Also, she didn’t reeeally trust leaving these guys alone in the house for an hour or more. They could easily break shit while she was gone, which was a very high risk, but what scared her even more than the idea of them snapping her table in half was the idea of them escaping. Running loose into the wild industrial plains, like releasing a herd of bulls into open traffic.

She’d have to give them some sort of incentive to stick around while she was gone.

She grabbed Noi by the forearm. “Hello, Noi.” She said calmly.

“Oh-! Uh, hello, Mistress Ava!” His smile faltered. “Is something the matter?”

“I’m kidnapping you.”

“What?”

Off to the store!!

——

“Remember, you’re in costume, and you refuse to take it off or touch anyone because you’re extremely obsessed with it and love your costume. You’re a weird human who really, really loves his costume. Alright?” Ava told him as they rode down the elevator.

“Right.” Noi nodded, taking on his new task with his life.

She led him out of the vestibule of two doors locking non-residents out of the building. She slid her key into the last door, but kept the door closed. She turned to Noi with a stern glare. “Follow my lead. Don’t look at anyone, don’t talk to anyone, mind your own business and do not bump into anyone. And keep your tail limp on the ground. Pretend it’s made of fabric, not muscle. Your horns are a cool, durable, smooth kind of plastic, your hooves are specialized, fake, digitigrade legs, and your scales are makeup. If anyone asks, tell them you’re cosplaying an anime character from a niche video game they’ve never heard of, then make some elaborate, dramatic-sounding shit up if they ask for a name. You got that?”

“I don’t know what most of those words mean, but yes ma’am!”

…Oh, she could get used to this.

With a nod, she unlocked the door and stepped out first, leading Noi outside. His hooves stepped down the stairs onto the cracked concrete of the sidewalk below. Before him, cars piled up in the street between rows of brown and cream-bricked buildings, each varying in height, with a grid pattern of windows on each one. On the ground floor, most of the bases of the buildings were rectangular chunks of different colors, black and bright in marketed color, small stores advertising a variety of things written in a language that Noi could not read. Trees stood on the edge of the pavement between each building, though they were much smaller and differently colored than what Noi remembered of the trees on his own home planet.

Construction sites sectioned off small portions of the street with tarp and metal beams that covered half of the street like an umbrella’s overhang. Shade cast down upon him from a tree right outside the entrance of Ava’s home, and he held up his hand to block the glare of the sun as he looked up and saw clear, bright blue skies, with white clouds rolling past. The air was warm, humans so similar yet so different to Ava were crossing through the streets, everything around him was shades of browns, creams, blacks, dark grays, and greens.

He thought Earth looked beautiful.

Ava didn’t stop to sight-see, however. “Oy, you coming?” She called over her shoulder.

“Ah! Right, yes! Coming!” He jolted, scrambling to catch up with her and walk close behind her. With a nod beckoning him in the right direction, she led the way down the street.

They got a few looks. Not everyone had the time of day to notice, but a few people did, doing double-takes at Noi’s supposedly impressive costume, then for the most part, going about their day with a bit of a brighter smile on their faces.

With a twitch of his ear in the direction of the sound, Noi heard a significantly smaller human with a small pack of companions by his side, gasping at his appearance. He heard traces of, “Whoah! Holy shit, look!” Whispered behind hands in tiny voices. They seemed in awe. He saw them grin at him, and his heart gave a little flutter of mutual glee, sparking back and forth in this surprising connection of pure, unfiltered joy. He grinned and waved at the small creatures. They gasped more about “the fangs! Look, he’s even got fangs! Holy shit!”

“What did I say about waving?” Ava interrupted his thoughts, shooting him a look.

“Ah—!” He jumped, panicked adrenaline spiking. He’d disobeyed an order, outright. Surely, she’d have his head for that. “My sincerest apologies, Madam, it won’t happen again, I swear!” He held up his hands, frantic.

“Hey, easy. Just don’t start talking to anyone, alright? And don’t wave at the wrong person.” I have no way of predicting what kind of unsalvageable shit is gonna come out of your mouth and break our cover.

Noi thought Lady Ava was being so nice by not ripping his head off with her fangs right then and there.

The attention got worse when they went into the bodega.

“Whoa, nice cosplay, man!” The man at the cashier said to them when Ava approached. “This your new friend, Ava?”

“Indeed he is.” She seemed fatigued by the mere idea of having to speak to someone today.

“What’re you cosplaying, little guy? I can’t say I’ve seen your character before!”

Ava cut in before noise could leave his mouth. “He’s cosplaying an anime character, called Noi. It’s his own original character, he made it up himself!”

Noi did not know what those words meant. He nodded along nonetheless, and put on his most disarming, innocent grin.

“Wait, you made all of that yourself? Like your own story? Damn, man! Whatcha gonna do with it? You gonna like… turn it into a book?”

Oh, books! We have books! “Yes, a book!” He chimed in, certain that this was the right move.

“Mhm!” Ava gave him a strained smile, which seemed to be approval for what he was saying.

So he kept going. “I don’t have the royal authority to write my own literature, but maybe I’ll bring that up to my superior and he can write one for me! Then you can find my- well, his book in the royal archives! It’s gonna be real exciting!”

……Wait, why did the room feel different now?

Ava’s smile gritted into a scowl. “Pardon him, he literally never leaves character. If he’s got the costume on, he’s never going to drop the act until the clothes come off.”

“Is that so, eh? Hey, at least it sounds like he doesn’t bring it into the bedroom then!” The employee laughed, a hearty, cackling sound.

“God, I wish.”

“What?” Noi glanced back and forth between the two of them, completely lost.

The cashier slid the bagged goods over for Ava to take, an amused grin on his face. “You and your new boyfriend have a swell day now, Ava.”

“Yup. Thanks.”

The word ‘boyfriend’ finally clicked its way through the magical mental translator in his head, and thankfully Ava had pulled him out of view before the cashier could watch Noi’s face turn a bright shade of fiery orange.

“Ava? Did that man think I was your consort?” He fretted, catching up to her on the street.

“You’re gonna think you’d rather be dead if you pull that shit again.” She rounded on him, exasperated. “What do you mean, ‘I don’t have the right to write my own books’?? ‘My superior will do it for me??’ Is that real?! What superior?!”

“Why, Prince Asch, of course!” He wasn’t really sure what she was so concerned about. “Who else would I bring up my ideas to?”

Ava stood deadass still in the middle of the street and stared at him dead-on.

He looked about anxiously, his lamb-like ears slowly beginning to droop down against the sides of his face, pointed back. “…Do humans… not do it that way…?”

“Obviously not! I— What if Asch didn’t want to write your book? What if he wrote it wrong? Do you honestly look at that man and think ‘oh, yeah, that’s real writer material right there’?”

Noi shrugged. “That’s just the way the process goes, I guess. What else am I supposed to do?”

“Write it yourself!!”

“I’d only break the law if Asch told me to or needed me to, Lady Ava.”

Ava shoved her hands into her hair and nearly screamed out a furious groan. She ran her fingers down her face, dragging the muscles and skin down with them. “…We are undoing that while you are in my house.”

“Undoing my will to follow the law…?” He gave her quite the perplexed expression.

“That and more.” She beckoned him to follow, and returned to walking towards the house, a newfound fatigued, exasperated slump in her gait.

——

“We have returned with a bounty!” Noi declared, holding up the grocery bags in his hands, when he and Ava entered the apartment. “Of-…” He leaned over to her as she locked the door (the door with multiple locks, each stronger than the last). “What was it again?”

“Uh… groceries, I guess?”

“Groceries!” He exclaimed.

“There you are!” Asch was the first to scramble over to the two of them, each Daemos struck shocked from their unusual positions scattered throughout the house. He shot straight to addressing Ava, baring his fangs in a menacing display. “Where the hell did you take him?! We’ve been looking for him for hours! What did you do with him?!”

“My god, you make it sound like I took him to a sex basement.” She chuckled low and sinisterly smug. “Relax. We were just getting food.”

She did not miss the shift in expression both men made when she said that. Noi had completely turned back to face her, wide-eyed and flushed, with visibly many different thoughts running through his head. Asch had personally reeled back from the snarling-in-her-face ordeal, which was the intended result of the statement, which, in turn, only made her feel more proud of herself to see him recoil.

Leif, in the back, said what no one else had the balls to say out loud, as per usual. “Do you actually have one of those?” He was grinning.

“Oh good, I’m glad to see that concepts such as ‘free rights’ and ‘murder is bad’ are completely alien to your planet, and yet the concept of a sex basement happens to be universal! Glad to see where our priorities lie. And no.”

“Aww, damn it.” Leif pouted.

“Yes, yes, so sad. Cry about it. Now, who’s up for dinner?”

——

Turns out, trying to teach Noi how to make Earth food was a bit of a convoluted nightmare, especially when he had no idea what any of the appliances or tools of a 21st century New York kitchen were used for. Or had any reliable concept of what things on Earth tasted like.

This was going to be quite the adjustment period.

For now, she taught him how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. That was all. Nothing more for the day, nothing else she had to handle, just teaching him what a stove was, how to work it, how not to work it, what the frying pan was for, and what human bread was.

He already wanted to start getting…creative, despite his unfamiliarity with the human kitchen. Which was fine, in Ava’s book! She didn’t really want to force him to make meals exactly the way she did, because the way she made them was shit. She wasn’t a chef in the slightest and only knew the easiest, most bare-bones basics. She did have a cookbook or two her dads gifted her, that she passed off to Noi as helpful reading material, but, honestly…?

She wanted him to cook the way he knew how to cook. She wanted to taste his cooking, Daemos cooking, not her own. It wouldn’t be very similar to the real thing exactly, since he would be dealing with entirely different flora, fauna, spices and materials, with different flavors, textures, and consistencies from what he was used to, but… It would be a disappointment to elect an alien from outer space as your head chef if you only ever expected him to make common, run-of-the-mill human meals that tasted the exact same way they always did.

So if that meant allowing him to experiment with taste-testing random shit and putting it in the grilled cheese, then that meant eating the most…unique grilled cheese she’d ever had before in her life.

It didn’t taste…bad! It was definitely a good combination of ingredients, just… creatively distinct.

It would be a new culinary experience for them all.

When dinner was done (and Noi was given what little helpful feedback from Ava she knew how to give), she dismissed them and headed off to her bedroom. She stepped in, stretched with a yawn, then turned around with a hand on the door to push it shut—and Asch’s hand stopped her, resisting her pull and sliding in through the open crack like a snake.

He fully stepped inside, then shut the door behind them.

He didn’t look happy.
(But then again, when did he ever?)

“What the hell do you think you’re doing with Noi?” He leered.

She folded her arms, meeting him glare-to-glare. Two can play at that game. “Whatever I want, Your Majesty.” She teased, mocking. “What, was the sandwich that bad?”

“It’s not the sandwich I’m talking about.” He leaned down. He had an awfully persistent habit of getting in her face, and it was really starting to piss her off. “You’re not allowed to take him away without my permission. He’s mine, not yours.”

“Ooh, so it’s a power thing, then, is it?” Her grin spread cat-like and smug. “I’m not under your jurisdiction, dumbass. You don’t have any power or control over me. I’m from another planet, remember? Literally, legally speaking, I am not one of your citizens, you are on my turf, under my roof—I do not have to follow a damn thing you say.”

He ground his teeth with a stoking fury. “Even if you don’t belong to me, Noi does. Noi lives by my orders, they all do. His place is here, in our pack, not outside of it. He’s not your consort, he’s not your toy, he has no obligation to you, even if he gets all doe-eyed and fuzzy-wuzzy with you. Which he shouldn’t even be doing in the first place!”

“Noi is his own damn person!” She bit back, taking a stomp closer. “He can decide for himself where he wants to go and who he wants to hang out with. He’s free to do something as innocent as going on a goddamn errand run, and frankly, he’s free to do less innocent shit too! If he wants to fuck me, then he can! I’m not—“

That visibly struck a nerve. With a snarl, Asch extended out his talons and swung for Ava.

She stopped him dead in his tracks, grabbing his wrist and twisting it in her grip. He buckled closer with a wince as she contorted his arm. “Do you think you’re the first hotshot who’s thrown a hit my way?” She hissed through her teeth, gleaming mad, expression darkened and twisted into something vicious and ready to fight. “News flash, dickweed, you should be grateful I’ve been playing nice with you and your boys this whole time. You don’t own me. You can’t break me. Nothing can break me farther than what I’ve already fucking felt.“

With a flash of startled bewilderment in his eyes, he managed to slip free out of her grasp—only for her to seize his horns in her hands and yank him down to eye-level, nearly pulling him off his feet and catching him off guard with a stunted gasp. “I’ll break your fucking spine in, pretty boy.” She hissed a few inches away from his face. “I’ll pound your ass until you scream. I’ll make you forget your own damn name. I’ll toss all of you out and force you to rot. I’ll sell you and you alone to the government, or to whatever fucked up hack would happily buy and sell your parts on the black market, and I’ll keep the rest of your partners for myself! If you’re in my house, you go by my rules, and that means you better fucking follow them, if you want even a CHANCE at getting back to your pretty little home.”

He wasn’t fighting against her grasp anymore. Just staring into her eyes, stricken pale with some sort of unreadable hurricane of emotion. She let him go, and he flailed back and away from her, rubbing his head and trying to catch his breath.

“I own you, Your Majesty.” She spat. “Don’t forget it again.”

He swallowed. He looked down at her with a wide-eyed slurry of feeling, but to Ava, it was surely nothing more than fear, disgust, and resentment for a vile, angry, bitter woman. Nothing more, nothing less. As if it ever could be anything less.

He fled without another word.

Ava took a minute to gather her own breath, trying to settle her heartbeat back to a normal pace, before turning around and returning to her desk to continue her work.

Chapter Text

“Interesting… Very interesting!” Lorelai hummed.

Held up by small metal rods on a desk in her lab was the broken off top of a green, fish-hook-shaped horn. She had managed to scrape off a small piece of it, and using her shavings and multiple tests and experiments, had finally managed to gather data on the material composition of the horn.

And what was fascinating about that was, “There is no material on Earth that you are made of! It’s not keratin, though it does seem to share similarities to keratin, at least in function—it’s not chitin, it’s definitely not plastic or stone or metal, it’s like-…” She turned from her results to looking back towards the horn, reaching out a gloved hand and nearly caressing the air around it, delicate, wondrous, captivating. “You’re something brand new…”

What a lucky find this was!

…Or was it luck?

…Perhaps Ava would know more about this matter.

——

Ava was at her computer desk in her bedroom, the curtains drawn and the lights turned low, with only a few pink-colored lamps and the sunlight shining through the curtains keeping the room from complete darkness. Ava loved to keep her room in a low, bright pink lull, strengthened by the pink paint of her walls and the pink of her furniture… It was comfortable. It was relaxing. Bright lights were more… overwhelming, but pink? Pink was divine.

She worked away at her drawing tablet, tending to her commissions, all by herself, in the peace and quiet of her room, with no one to bother her and nothing to worry about except drawing hands and faces correctly. It was peaceful. It was blissful. It was—

“Whatcha drawin?” A voice whispered from directly behind her.

“AH!” She yelped, jumping in her seat, hitting her knees against the bottom of the desk and scrambling around to see who the FUCK was right next to her ear— Oh.

It was Leif.

“How the HELL did you— I gave you a rule specifically saying you had to KNOCK before entering my bedroom! O-or never enter my bedroom at all, even! How do you keep getting in here without me noticing?! I locked the door! How did you even—?!”

“Your locks are nothing in comparison to my wit and skill, darling.” He purred, holding up a pair of metal sticks that were definitely alien but also definitely lockpicks. With a grunt, Ava lurched to grab them, but he pulled them up high and unfortunately, just barely above where her short arms were capable of reaching. “Ah-ah! Too slow!” He teased.

“You dickhead—!” She clambered to sit on her knees, on her gamer chair, in order to make another attempt at grabbing them out of his hands. He ducked and evaded her with ease.

She gave up with an irritated huff. “Ugh. Fine. You’re in here because you want something, don’t you? What is it? What do you want?”

His cocky, self-absorbed grin… faltered. It seems that in all his cackling shenaniganery, he… didn’t actually think he’d get this far ahead.

His tail, previously held high and sharp like a scorpion’s, now drooped and slowly scraped the floor in back-and-forth swishes. “Uh…” He avoided eye contact for a moment, visibly scraping up something in his mind that would work well as a response, before bouncing back to life with a newfound certainty. “I wanted to get to know you, dear, sweet Ava.”

“…What.”

“It’s true!” Was it really? “I figured that if you’re going to be our gracious host for the next undetermined period of time, then you and I should be a little more well-acquainted with each other, don’t you think?”

She cocked an eyebrow at him, leaning over the head of her white and pink gamer chair. She wasn’t buying it one bit. “…Uh-huh. And how do you propose we ‘get to know’ each other, dickhole?”

“Hey now. Im sorry, darlin’, but I’m not going that fast. You’re gonna have to pay me first if you want a bite of this so soon!” He winked. “No ma’am, I mean a real, bonafide bonding experience! So, I return to my original question.” He put on the most annoying, nagging of mischievous, childish voices. “Whatcha doooiinnn’?”

She rolled her eyes, and reluctantly caved. She turned and dropped back down to a regular sitting position in her chair. “I’m drawing.” She answered, tone dead and cold.

He leaned over the side of the chair. “Whatcha drawing?”

She paused. Thought it over. Looked him dead in the eye. “Sex, you nitwit.” And zoomed out on the canvas, displaying the full unfinished image. “It’s sex. I’m drawing sex.”

“Oh!” His face lit up. Using the arm of the chair for balance, he leaned much closer to the desk, absolutely enthralled. “Is this what your human anatomy looks like?” His voice was hushed with fascinated awe. “I’ve never seen-…parts like this before! My, isn’t that fascinating?”

Well. If Ava ever heard a statement that was just as worth duly noting as a will, it was that. She was a little afraid to ask what the hell was the completely unfamiliar alternative was that Leif knew personally, so she decided to redirect to a more… easy to answer topic instead. For now.

“Yes, I uh-… This is for a commission of mine.”

“A commission? Is this your job?” He looked to her with curiosity and wonder, and for a moment, she braced herself for any of the disgusted, judgmental, or even just downright weird,responses she’d already received from friends and family upon hearing that news. But instead, he seemed to give her a nod of great respect. He gave her a pat on the shoulder. “You’re doing the work of the people, Lady Ava. We dutifully thank you in kind.”

“…Thanks?” She squinted at him. Was that a compliment? And a genuine show of impressed, mutual respect? “I enjoy drawing it and it makes me good money, so.” She shrugged. “It’s whatever.”

“…Have you ever drawn-… Anything outside of the human form?”

“Like- furries? On rare occasion. I’m not very good at it, though. Humans are more my specialty. Humans and monsters. Monsters are a blast.”

“Really? What kind?” He propped his elbow up on the arm of the chair, leaning his head against his fist. He really did seem genuinely interested in learning more about her and her career, all things considered.

“Here.” On her art tablet screen, she exited out of the drawing program and tapped to a folder containing a gallery of other images. “Like this.” She presented him the tablet and scrolled through.

He whistled. “…All things considered, the bodies themselves vary wildly, but the parts themselves… kinda don’t. I’m seeing a lot of pretty much the same shape of-… What is this called?”

“A dick.”

“Right, yes. Do you really not have much else on your planet, in terms of biological structure?”

Now that she thought about it… “No, not really.” She shook her head. She couldn’t really wrap her head around the idea of anything else… Of anything completely inhuman, besides possibly tentacles.

“Hm!” He replied.

And, unhelpfully (and a bit ominously), he did not say anything else on the matter. He handed the tablet back to her, and returned to laying himself across the arm of her chair. Every time he changed poses, he was getting closer. “Do you do anything else for a job, I wonder? What exactly are human jobs like?” His tail curled in intrigue.

She winced. “Well… I’m probably not the best person to ask what a-…stable, successful, maintained job is like? This is the best thing that’s worked out for me so far, if I’m being honest… But I don’t know. You get hired, you do what they tell you to do, you get paid, you go home. Restaurants, office buildings, banks, anywhere and everywhere.”

Leif sprawled out over her lap, sliding onto the seat in one, smooth motion, ending up with his back against her folded legs, staring up at her with a grin. She tensed, and was about to tell this weird and touchy brat to fuck off, before he asked— “What’s it like being human, Lady Ava?”

She froze, a bit caught off guard by the question. He was looking up at her with a glittering of inspiration in his eyes.

She…untensed, looking away to think about it and taking in a deep, unsteady breath. “…It-… Well…It’s hard. Painful. Never stops being challenging or difficult, nothing really goes right, and you spend it all alone. It feels like everyone’s an asshole out to get you, and you have to fight to survive just to not get trampled, and even if you manage to be hardass enough to rise out on top, no one will want to look at you anymore because of it, and they won’t understand. So in the end-… you never belong, and no one cares.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the chair, hissing out a sigh through her teeth. “…I could never fit in here. Whatever it means to be ‘human,’ I don’t want it.”

Leif’s smile had faded now. “…Damn. And here I thought you might be in a better boat than me.” He scoffed sadly.

“I-… I don’t know.” She shrugged, weak and disheartened. “I’m probably not summing it up correctly, this is just-… Me and mine, I suppose. There’s plenty of people out there who’ve had a fantastic time fitting in with the crowd and following the rules and becoming the ideal, usual, everyday human being, and they all look perfectly happy. I think they must be at least a little bit insane, personally, but I-… you know. I’m not good at-… this.”

He chewed on the interior of his cheek, hesitating to speak. He pulled himself up so his lower back could lean on the side of the arm of the chair, seated a bit more properly on her lap now, looking down to meet her gaze. “Can you keep a secret?” He purred.

“Do I look like a snitch to you?” The slightest of smirks curled at the edge of her lips.

“Good girl.” He chuckled. “In truth-… I’m not very good at fitting in with the Daemos standard, either. But don’t tell the others I said that.”

“What’s the Daemos standard like?”

“Brutal. Powerful. Tough and vicious to the core, not afraid to stomp on everyone that dares to be weaker than you and tearing apart to shreds the weakest links in the food chain. You kill to survive, or you die by somebody else’s hands. If you’re weak-… You’re nothing.”

“Yeesh.” She cringed. “No wonder you guys were so weird about Earth’s ‘no killing’ rule.”

“It’s true!” He folded his arms behind his head. “It’s certainly strange to live on a pacifist planet now. The Daemos Empire was most certainly not a pacifist one.”

“Hey, weren’t you the most disappointed by the no murder rule, though? You were like I was taking away your favorite puppy by saying you had to live by pacifist rules from now on. What gives?”

The level of old, worn-down, almost mournful fatigue in his eyes nearly knocked her off balance, seeing him look at her with a knowing smile, yet awfully raw and too far gone to be the same man as bright and excited as before. “…Not one word of this gets to Asch, alright?” He said.

“My lips are sealed, I ain’t telling him shit.” Especially since he’s a useless prick, but she kept that part to herself.

“The only reason why we ended up on Earth is because Asch, and by proxy his cluster, got exiled. The royal family got sick of us and threw us away to the edge of the galaxy, where they’d never have to deal with our ungrateful asses again. You wanna know what the definition of ‘failed to make the grade’ looks like? We’re what ‘failed to make the grade’ looks like. Every one of us.”

Ava paled, gaping at him. “…They kicked you out?” More specifically, “Asch’s family kicked him out…? What, because you guys are too…’weak’?”

“Pretty much.” He nodded. “Asch says he wants to go back in order to get together some kind of revenge scheme, but-… If I’m being honest? I never wanna see their faces again.”

“I wouldn’t either! What the fuck-… Maybe you guys should get revenge! Beat their asses into the ground for that shit!”

“If we could, we wouldn’t be here, now would we?” He huffed. “It’s a good sentiment, trust me, I want to just as much as the next guy. But Pierce is probably the only one amongst us with the capability to, sadly. He’s like-… one of the most infamous and terrifying soldiers in the Empire, and yet he ended up in exile right alongside the rest of us.” His voice trailed down to a mutter under his breath. “…I wonder if he regrets coming with us.”

Ava didn’t know what to say. Here she thought these people were nothing more than the most insufferable, incompetent invaders known to man, and it turns out, they were simply no better than her. They would be terrible together, in a shitty New York apartment, with no one and nowhere else to call home.

With a resetting breath, Leif shook off the funk, returning to a vivacious, cat-grinning version of self like nothing had taken him down at all. “Look at me, I came here to get away from all of that and yet I’m bringing it with me. That won’t do. Now, darling, if you don’t mind—do humor me in your company, I could use a bit of a more efficient distraction this time.”

“Oh, so is that what this was?”

“A thief never tells his secrets, dear.” He winked.

He nuzzled his side up closer to her, and she rested her free hand on his lower back for now. “Oh well, I suppose I’ll have to entertain you for now.” She purred with a small, coy smile, going along. “As long as you don’t have a problem with watching me draw dicks for the next few hours straight.”

“Mind?!” He guffawed, pressing a dramatic hand to his chest. “Darling, do you know who you’re speaking to? It’s an honor!”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Good. I’m glad.”

——

Ava couldn’t NOT know about the alien strike directly in the alleyway next to her house… Surely she must have seen or heard or noticed something… Lorelai thought, as her hand hesitated over the door to Ava’s apartment.

She knocked a few times, loud enough for her to hear from her bedroom.

Inside, five aliens snapped directly towards the sound, locked in, dead still, dead quiet, like a herd of deer holding their heads and tails up high to alert towards danger.

Rhys adjusted his glasses and began to whisper, “What was that?” Until he noticed a very specific flicking movement of Pierce’s tail—a military gesture, communicating ‘Silence,’ and he withdrew with a cautious, apprehensive nod. The five of them flowed in a silent formation, which mostly consisted of “everyone hide behind Pierce.” Asch stayed back at the base of it all, standing tall and ready to give orders, with Leif directly in front of him. Rhys’s eyes and fingertips flickered with the potential of magic just beginning to thread itself, Pierce’s eyes narrowed into slits as he began to prowl—

“Aww, look at the lot of you! All spooked and ready to bark at the mailman like a pack of dogs.” Ava teased, stepping outside of her bedroom. She was pulling a Barbie pink bathrobe overtop of her pajamas. All five of them turned to her, shocked and stunned. “Relax. It’s probably just a package that needs to be signed. You know, mail? Like-…letters?” She squinted at them. “Do you guys have mail on your planet…?”

“…What.” Asch spat in a low, deadpan tone.

“Just…relax, alright? Don’t-“ She couldn’t stop herself from snickering. “Don’t attack the mailman. He has a hard enough time with dogs already, I’m sure.”

She ambled over to the door at an unabashedly slow and casual pace, devoid of any stress or caution or fear. She went on her tippy-toes to peek through the eye-hole of the door.

Her entire body tensed rigidly stiff.

Uh oh.

With a silent but trembling breath, she turned around and walked back over to the gang with a much more morbidly haunted expression. “Okay,” She whispered. “Nobody panic.”

“Ha.” Leif snorted (quietly).

“Maybe, if we stay quiet, and we don’t make any sign that there’s anyone currently in the house…she’ll go away.”

“She?” Rhys asked, a nervous edge in his voice.

“Lorelai.”

Ten seconds passed. The clock ticked. Ava watched the door. Everyone listened.

“…Ava?” A feminine voice from behind the door called. She sounded sweet and innocent enough. “Are you home? It’s me! I- I hope I’m not intruding, but um-… I think something might’ve landed behind the building recently. From outer space? I was wondering if you knew anything about it? Totally crazy, I know, but-… I missed you! Can we talk? Please?”

“Oh God.” Ava hissed out in a whisper drunk with dread.

Pierce’s ears pinned back against his head. “She knows.” He growled, low and sure.

“No, no, uh— I’m certain that she’s just-…she probably just saw the crater. And got worried. She’s always such a worrywart, that girl, haha!” Ava was scrambling. “Maybe she saw there was like a flash of light or something on the news. She’s sooo obsessed with space, it’s insane. And incredibly annoying. Maybe if I tell her I don’t know anything, she’ll just… go away!”

She then promptly started shooing the demon boys away, much to their confusion. “But I’m going to need all of you to hide! None of you can be seen, so- shoo! Everyone in my bedroom, now! And don’t make any noise, not even a sneeze!”

“But I thought you instructed us never to enter your personal quarters?” Rhys fretted, backing up with the rest of them as they were awkwardly and reluctantly shuffled towards the open bedroom doors.

“Sometimes there are exceptions! This is one of them!”

“But, Lady Ava—“ Pierce tried, a hint of desperation in the edge of his tone.

“No buts! I know Lorelai, I can handle her! Now everyone in, and not one peep!”

The white double doors closed behind them, leaving only Ava alone to stand in the living room now.

Time to face the beast. (The beast that was awkward small talk with an acquaintance.)

She opened the door completely to find that Lorelai was, in fact, still waiting. “What do you want, Lorelai?” Ava scowled, leaning on the side of the threshold.

“Ah- Um- Hi Ava!” Lorelai faltered, startled and anxious under Ava’s cold and unforgiving glare. “It’s been a while since we talked… How have you been? Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine, Lorelai. What do you want?”

Lorelai hesitated, struggling in resistance against the tide of Ava’s pressuring direction, wishing she would just let her connect with her instead of shoving her away. Lorelai resisted, but Ava persisted, unbudging and stubborn as a bull.

Lorelai realized, in an act of cunning, that when faced with a boulder in your path—the best route is to go around it. Literally.

In a slick, speedy slide of motion, she slipped past Ava’s side and into her apartment, weaving to stand behind her. “Wh—!” Ava jumped, turning around to face her as Lorelai backed further in.

“Believe it or not, Ava, sometimes I have something important to say, and I need you to hear me out, just this once in your life. Can’t you manage that? I’m trying to look out for you, Ava, this is serious!”

Ava bristled, panic spiking in her system. She tried not to let her fear show her hand, gritting her teeth in hopes a display of anger would be more of a believable card to play (and, to be fair, she was actually angry). “I don’t need you to look after me, Lorelai.” She sneered, stepping closer. “I’m doing just fine on my own, actually! And, hey, didn’t I just say that? You want a lesson in listening? Follow your own damn advice.”

Lorelai huffed with an irritated pout. “Maybe I would if you actually meant it! Look at you! Your house is a mess, you look like a mess—When was the last time you even left your apartment? You can’t keep living like this, Ava.“ She softened, sympathetic. “You can’t keep pushing everyone away…”

“Watch me.” Ava glowered.

Lorelai stiffened, returning to a stern, determined glare, staring Ava in the eyes and refusing to back down. “…You can’t push me away. Maybe you can with everyone else, but I’m not going anywhere.” She sighed, shaking her head and trying to shift gears. “I need to ask you about something important.”

She led Ava further into the living room. Ava spared a nervous, brief glance towards the bedroom door while Lorelai’s back was turned, beyond relieved that no heinous and indubitably suspicious noises had come from the other room yet, and holding on hope that they stay that way.

The poker game began.

“…Do you know if anything…landed? By the building, recently? Anything that could leave behind a crater?”

“No.” Ava held her ground.

“You didn’t hear anything? See anything?”

“No. Is that why you came to bother me?” She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Lori, how long have you been living in the city? Weird shit happens here all the time. What do you think I could have heard? A little extra screaming past midnight than normal? Something blows up in the middle of the day and you think I’m gonna think it’s anything out of the ordinary? Get real. I go to sleep with gunshots as my nightly lullaby. I didn’t hear shit.”

“One would think if an explosive crash site occurred directly behind your own home you would have at least a little concern about it…” Lorelai frowned.

Ava shrugged with not a care in the world. “It’s New York. Who gives a shit? I’m a busy woman.”

“Busy with what?” She strained, exasperated. You don’t DO anything!!

That was an irrelevant card to play. But for the other side, a distraction was much appreciated to play into.

Ava grinned, sly and mischievous. “Fucking your mom, dumbass. Obviously.”

Leif’s snickering muffled out from behind the bedroom door. Something cut him off with a choked, hushed yelp, like someone had delivered a quick and painful hit to shut him up.

Lorelai’s head snapped towards the door.

Fuck.

“What was that?”

“The prostitute I have over right now.” Ava choked out. She was trying very, very hard to look perfectly normal and cool and casual. Nothing but cold-as-steel chill here, nothing else, no sir. Only chill.

“Prostitute?” Lorelai gaped.

Leif cracked a second time, but thankfully it was a bit harder to hear when Asch was currently wringing his neck with his bare fucking hands.

“Yes. Obviously.” Be totally normal and cool. “His name is-…Chad…Rick. Chadrick. He’s very hot.” She attempted a hefty whistle. “One real steak of a man, really. I’d have you meet him, maybe give you his number if you want a bite—“ Lorelai made a very uninterested expression. “But he’s like…wiped out. Completely exhausted. Because I put him through the wringer. I mean, really, we were- insane. Wild as hogs. He isn’t gonna be able to walk for a few hours. So it’s best if we don’t interrupt his rest, yknow?”

In the darkness of the bedroom, Rhys had his face buried into his hands, his face a bright, deep red and shoulders trembling with stifled laughter.

“…Right.” Lorelai’s polite smile was certainly fake and very much pushing it. “Okay. Chadrick. Sounds-…normal…”

It seemed that at least something was going on that Ava was desperate to cover up. There was the chance that it was something unrelated to the alien individual that landed right behind her house and Ava’s defensive caginess was nothing more than Ava being Ava. But there was also a sense she had that something wasn’t quite right here… And Ava knew it.

Either way, she had one last card to play that would prove whether or not Ava’s secret was related. If Ava wasn’t going to give her proper answers, then perhaps a more direct and unavoidable approach would be the key to getting her to talk.

Lorelai started rifling through her bag. “I found something at the crash site the other day… It’s probably nothing, but I was wondering if you had seen anything like…” She pulled out and held up a plastic bag, containing nothing but the broken half of Leif’s horn. “This?”

Every drop of color drained from Ava’s face. Purely reflexive, knowing fear flashed through her expression, unmistakably, and Lorelai caught it. Her poker face had shattered. Ava knew full well what this was. She knew more than Lorelai, even. Whatever happened to land on Earth the other day—Ava was involved in it.

Lorelai couldn’t help but grin.

“How-…how did you get that?” The jig was up. Ava switched gears, advancing, a fiery and now truly combative gleam in her eyes.

“You know what it is?! Oh, thank goodness! I had been running tests on it all day long yesterday, and by all means it’s some sort of organic material! I just—“

“Give it to me, Lorelai.” Ava extended out her hand. “Give it to me now.”

Lorelai’s smile dropped. She pulled it closer to her chest. She didn’t want to give this up. “Why? What are you going to do with it?”

“You don’t know what you’re dealing with, Lorelai.”

“And you do? What about you, then? If you’re involved in this, then let me help! This could be a scientific breakthrough! Or at the very least, something incredibly dangerous! Are you keeping it in your home?! Do you even know what it is you’re handling?! What if you get hurt? What if—“

“Lorelai, I’m being completely honest with you for once in my life when I tell you that if I could ask you for help, I would rather fucking die.” Ava spat through her gritted teeth, advancing on her with a dark and cruel glare. “You slow me down. You’re an incompetent, bumbling idiot that gets soooo caught up in her own imaginary ideas that you refuse to see anything else outside of your self-absorbed, arrogant, awkward, useless self. You embarrass me. You’re not my best friend, you don’t know me, you don’t know anything. I want nothing to do with you. So even if I did ask someone for help with my situation, whatever the hell you THINK is going on— I would sooner pick a half-dead skin-eating rat than YOU.”

She held out her hand one last time. “So by God, do the one good thing in your life, give me the horn, and get the fuck out of my apartment.”

Lorelai… Lorelai was struck speechless. Her hands and lower lip trembled as tears threatened to form in her eyes, her heart cracked and aching with humiliating pain. Ava had blown a bullet hole through the stained glass window that was her world, and oh, how each splinter of the glass hurt like hell.

She sniffled, desperately stringing together a wounded, angry, trembling glare to hold her ground with. “I’m not giving you the horn.” She clutched it tight against the skin of her chest, her hands wrapped over the plastic bag as much as she could cover.

“Don’t make me hurt you, Lorelai.” …because Ava didn’t know if she could.

Lorelai shook her head still, stumbling away from her.

Ava took a deep, stabilizing breath. “…I’m going to give you three seconds, before I wrench that horn from what little’s gonna be left of you.”

Her hands squeezed tight around the horn.

“One.”

She glanced at the door.

“Two.”

She gave one final, pleading, miserable, silently begging glance to Ava. Ava sucked in a breath through her teeth, and rolled her shaking hands into fists. She still, even now, did not budge.

In this moment, there truly wasn’t anything that could convince her to let her walls go. Lorelai couldn’t do anything. She really was going to hurt her, wasn’t she? Oh, God—

“Three—!”

Lorelai kicked her knee in as hard as she could, sending Ava crumpling to the floor with a yelping grunt, and sprinted past her and towards the exit, choking back a sob as she ran.

Before Ava could even finish picking herself up, the bedroom doors bulldozed open with the boys hissing and ready to strike, weapons drawn and raised to cut their mistress’s attacker into halves—but she was already gone.

They looked up and out the door, and saw no one there. Ava stared out into the vacant, empty space. She was gone.

“Lady Ava—!” Noi cried as he and Rhys rushed to Ava’s side, helping her up and holding on tight.

“Are you alright?” Rhys asked, visibly drenched in anxious concern. “I have healing spells at the ready if you—“

“Let me go after her!” Leif snarled. “Order me and I’ll hunt her down in seconds, I’ll have her head—!”

“Don’t.” Ava choked. “Don’t-…please. Just-… leave her. Leave her be.”

They had never seen her look like this before.

The five of them lowered their weapons, sheathing their blades and swords and softening. “…Is she going to be a threat?” Pierce asked.

“I don’t know.” Ava shook her head over and over again, bringing her hands up to press into her skin as she dragged herself back to the front door. “I don’t know. God— I-… I don’t know anything.“ She closed and locked the door, her hand lingering on the white-painted wood, the other falling limply to lay at her side. “I-… I need to be alone. I need to be alone for a while.”

The boys looked amongst themselves, worried and uncertain of what to do from here, as Ava turned and pulled herself back towards her bedroom like a broken slug. Noi stepped forward, opening his mouth to speak as he reached out to touch her arm, but Asch stopped him in his tracks. He gripped onto Noi’s shoulder and gave him a silent, knowing shake of his head. Give her space.

Noi withdrew, worried still, but trusting his judgment either way, as they watched Ava close the door behind her and disappear into the darkness of her room.

Chapter Text

“Is anyone else worried about Ava?” Rhys said, trying to raise his voice to be both louder than the television and still a polite level of quiet. “In the past three Earth sunrises, she’s only ever left her bedroom to use the bathroom and make the same paper pot of noodles in the microwave once or twice a day. Is that normal?”

The living room television was on and playing its usual random human entertainment media. Rhys had approached into the living room to address Pierce lounging on the couch, and Leif nuzzled up to his side, and Noi just behind them in the kitchen, brewing something up with a… “frying pan.”

In the hallway behind Rhys, Asch was pacing furiously over an entirely different matter. Or at least, partially different.

“I’m not particularly sure what constitutes as ‘average and functional human behavior,’ but I’m starting to worry that that’s exactly the opposite of what Ava is demonstrating. She seemed much more active before Lorelai’s visit, did she not? She hasn’t even been speaking to us since the incident…”

“She hasn’t been eating any of the meals I’ve been making for her, either…” Noi hummed from where he was tending to his cooking concoction, his back mostly turned to Rhys. “I’m worried, too. Do you think she’s sad?”

“Whatever the fuck she is, she needs to quit it right now!” Asch plowed into the conversation with a snarl. “With our only human guide out of commission, we’re burning time and losing valuable progress on finding a spaceship and getting home! Does she think she can just keep us here?! Forever?!”

“Give her time.” Pierce spoke in a low, sage murmur. “She’ll work through her issues in due—“

“She doesn’t HAVE time!” Asch sneered through gritted teeth. Rhys was pretty certain he was the only person in the galaxy who was capable of interrupting Pierce mid-sentence and coming out of it alive. “I don’t have time! We don’t have time! Especially not to just-… sit around waiting for her to cut it the fuck out! She needs to suck it up and get off her ass and start helping us, now!”

“But sir, if she’s feeling hurt, then we need to be—“

“Fuck how she feels! I have a kingdom I need to return to, and she’s not going to keep me from getting back home by being sad!” He swerved past Rhys and stormed straight towards Ava’s bedroom double-doors. “I’ll fix this fucking problem, I’ll make her suck it up and listen to me and then we’ll be right on track, just you wait!”

“Wait—!”

They couldn’t stop him in time. He opened the door to her bedroom and slammed it behind him.

…They could faintly hear the blossoming, fledgeling beginnings of a shouting match start.

And then they could hear yelling. Lots of yelling. From both voices.

Then quite a few crashes against various surfaces and objects.

…And then one final yell from Ava, the door swinging back open, and Asch being thrown out by his horns and falling flat on his face, with a very angry Ava slamming the door behind him.

“…Didn’t go well?” Pierce asked rather nonchalantly.

“No, it didn’t go well.” He grumbled into the carpet.

Noi strolled on up to stand right in front of him, as Asch wallowed in his face-down ass-up place of failure on the floor.

“Perhaps a better method is in order, if you don’t mind me suggesting, sir.”

“Oh yeah?” He scoffed as he pushed himself up with one arm, shoving himself up to sitting on the ground, looking up at Noi with a challenging smirk. “And what have you got in mind, wise guy?”

“Have you come back for seconds, you bovine piece of—? Oh, no, it’s just you, Noi.” Ava dialed back her anger by multiple notches. Though, not enough to seem completely unbothered. “Do you need something?”

“I wanted to ask, Madame… Is everything alright?” Noi spoke with a tender and sweetly caring tone, approaching with utter grace and gentle affection.

Ava sighed. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” He swept forward with as much doll-eyed smooth-talking as he could muster. “You’ve seemed a little off lately, and I was wondering if you needed anything I could…do for you? Or give to you, or…”

“No. I’m fine.”

“I just- you know I’m always at your disposal, right? I’m here to help. I could make you something nice, I could give you a massage, I could cuddle with you until everything felt aaaalright—“

“Maybe some other time. For now though, I’m fine. Really. I don’t need help right now.”

“…Are you sure? Because—“

He had been kicked out almost as fast as Asch was.

“…Huh.” His ears drooped, lifting a hand to his chin. “I could have sworn that would’ve worked…”

“Oh yeah?” Leif scoffed, snickering at him tauntingly as he stepped up beside him. “Maybe you just don’t know Ava as well as you think you do. But I know her. She and I are like,” He intertwined his pointer and middle fingers together, winking with a cocky click of his tongue. He garnered glares from everyone else in the room. “Let me talk to her. I’ll have her feeling so good, she won’t even think about hiding away from us again.” He purred with a roll of his tongue, and strode back inside soon enough to ignore Noi rolling his eyes.

“Why hello there, Mistress…” Leif slid inside the dimly lit room.

Ava looked up from the screen of her drawing tablet in her lap, sitting in bed still. “…Hello?”

He leaned against the bedpost. “You uh… come here often, darling?” He flashed an all-too-smug toothy grin.

She glanced at the room around her. “…You mean my bedroom? In my own apartment?” She squinted at him. “Are you stupid?”

Nope, that didn’t work. Dial it back, dial it back. “Ah— aha, well-…” He needed some other attempt, some other way to…speak her language, so to speak. He took a moment to think on it.

He returned with a grin, “How about an orgy?”

He got kicked out.

“Not one word, wiseass.” He shot a snickering Noi a look. “The orgy plan didn’t work. She says she’s ’not in the mood.’ I don’t understand! Orgies always make me feel better when I’m sad…” He pouted.

“I’m afraid not everyone is as rough-and-tumble as you are, dear.” Rhys gave a light, teasing scoff in his direction, stepping up to the stage himself.

“…Mmmno, I’m absolutely sure Ava is the same way. She’s been pretty clear the past many sunrises about her affinity for—“

“What she needs right now is a healthy distraction! Something new to think about, to take her away from her problems and enrich herself in the beauties of creativity and wonder.” He held up Ava’s laptop in his hands. “Never fear! I have the solution right here! An infinite archive of digital literature, ripe for the picking!”

He stepped inside Ava’s bedroom.

“…Can Ava even read?” A genuine question from Asch.

“I guess we’ll find out.” Leif muttered.

“Oh, Ava!” Rhys called.

“What is it now….” She groaned, her face buried into her pillow.

“I have a gift for you!”

She lifted her head up. “Ice cream?”

“…What’s ‘ice cream’?”

She groaned and planted her face back into the pillow.

“Sadly, I don’t have any iced cream, whatever that is, but I do have something else that is excellent and spectacular and sure to cheer you up!”

“And what’s that, Rhys…?” She strained.

“I remember what you told us about ‘the internet’ and ‘video’ and ‘television’ and I perused your internet websites until I found something truly enthralling! A human on this laptop vid-eo will tell you a story, just like they were in the room with you, reading a story out loud! Internet storytellers! Isn’t that wonderful?”

“I-… don’t think I’ve ever thought of it as something exciting, but… I guess it’s… a little cool?” She tried.

He sat on the bed beside her, placing the laptop down between the two of them.

“Would you like to take a listen? Perhaps a distraction could help you with your state!”

She thought about it. Then sighed, giving in. She sat up. “Alright. Maybe a distraction would do me some good… Let’s see what you have to show me.”

She took the laptop to see what was on the screen. “…Is this-…” She looked up. “Rhys, this is a three hour long video essay about ammonite fossils.”

“Doesn’t that sound fascinating?”

“It-… uh… Sure. Sure, yeah. But I guess dinosaur-…” She muttered, “Does this even count as a dinosaur—?” She shook her head. “Fossil type stuff isn’t really something I find interesting. It’s a nice thought, but I-… I don’t think I’m really feeling up to something like that right now. Maybe some other time we can watch YouTube video essays together, but for now I just-…I don’t know. Leave me be. I’ll be fine.”

“Oh…” He sunk, disheartened. “Very well, then.”

He left the bedroom with his tail dragging on the ground behind him, laptop in hand.

“I could’ve sworn that would’ve helped… Learning new and exciting things always cheers me up…” He sulked.

“Well, it looks like not everyone is as much of a know-it-all as you, dear.” Leif taunted.

Rhys grumbled something under his breath, decidedly keeping it to himself rather than starting a fight.

“Alright.” Pierce finally stood up from his place on the couch, stretching himself up high and barely scraping the ceiling with the edge of his claws. He strode past them to Ava’s door, placing his hand on the doorframe and leaning his horns low, to not hit the threshold when he entered. “Leave her to me.”

“Ava.”

“Uuuugh. Are you here to try to tell me weird shit, too?” She whined from where she was curled up under the covers, her face in her pillow. “I told you lot already, I’m fine!”

“No, in fact, I am not.” He huffed. “What’s your favorite place to go to for fun?”

Ava paused. “…what?” She whispered, caught off guard. “Uh-… the mall, I guess?”

“Good.” And in one swift swing, he had shoved his meaty talon-like hand under the edge of the covers to grip her neck and the back of the collar of her shirt, and hoisted her up into the air by the scruff of her neck.

She yelped, scrabbling and kicking in his grip, held aloft by at least a foot over the bed. “What the fuck are you—?!”

“We are going to the mall.”

“We’re what?! Pierce!! Put me down!!”

He turned and started walking out of the bedroom and back into the living room, Ava dangling in the air like a failing kitten from his hand. He addressed the at least slightly shocked and bewildered group before him, “Prepare your things. We are going out.”

——

Ava made sure to tell the rest of the boys—wait, did Daemos even have…’boys’? Leif said he was completely unfamiliar with what a human ‘dick’ was, did that mean-…? Ava genuinely didn’t know what that meant, and spent many minutes of her day processing the lengths(ha) of what that implied. She really did need to ask them about it sometime—all the rules of being out in public. Noi was already (mostly) an expert, so he took it upon himself to be the number one guide and perfect example of how to blend in with the humans, which in truth did not actually blend him in at all. The others did not appreciate his superior wisdom. Except for Rhys. Rhys appreciated it.

In a way, the crazy unique appearance of the Daemos crew worked in their favor. Because they happened to herald from a world that was juuust close enough to existing in a venn diagram between “medieval fantasy” and “Genshin Impact” that the entire public at large assumed they were dressed in a very elaborate “fantasy anime cosplay,” fitted with state-of-the-art prosthetic digitigrade legs and motorized tails and more than a pound of makeup.

As the group wandered through the mall, many people bid them compliments on their way past, and some even asked for photos, which Ava had to decline. She didn’t know if she wanted any photos of them being uploaded onto the internet where anyone could easily take a little too close of a look at the boys’ appearances and figure out it wasn’t fake. Regardless, she bit the bullet over the fact that there might already be photos and videos of them online from people recording them without her permission. If she was gonna take the boys out in public, it was a bit inevitable that they would draw a lot of attention.

…Perhaps she could look into buying them some proper masks, like animal masks, and other additional clothing pieces and accessories, just to really sell the cosplay facade. Maybe some lanyards with their real “human” names on them or usernames that tracked back to nothing at all, to further the bit. She kept an eye out for ways to get creative with their circumstances.

On the boys’ end of things, being here at the mall was a thing of splendor. It was their first real “tourism trip” on Earth, and shopping malls were most definitely not something that existed on Daemos soil. Most goods were harvested yourself or bought from traveling traders that kept to themselves in the wild, so you either stumbled upon them by chance, or you would have to find small coalitions of them on specific annual occasions and secret-ish meeting places late into the darkest side of eternal night. There were a few rare market squares, including one right underneath the castle, but the bustling streets could not compare to the multi-story, angel-white, glowing, decorated, pristine marble heavenly space they were in now, with some sort of…unspeakable intense glow that Ava described as “sunlight” filtering through the windows in the ceiling and making it all feel so magically open and healing.

They were marveling in awe the entire trip. Especially when they stumbled upon the occasional giant, decorative, artistic chandelier and nearly lost their shit about “all the lights in the sky.”

Ava showed them a pretzels stand that sold little cinnamon and sugar pretzel bites, and they lost their damn minds trying the food.

Seeing their boundless amazement and all the stupid faces they were making and the way they lit up when they tasted cinnamon and sugar for the first time… it brought a little light back into Ava’s life as well. It changed the way she looked at that stupid “art installment” that she’d started to ignore and completely overlook the past 8 times she’d visited. Maybe she really had been taking all the little things for granted, or maybe that chandelier would still stay stupid, but now it would remind her of the smiles on their faces every time she saw it next. She’d never see this supermall, or any supermall, the same way again, now that she’d seen it through their eyes. And what joyous, celebratory eyes they were.

The boys were right. Coming here with them really did make her feel better.

Ava stopped at a more…adult store on their way through the mall, a glittering store flashing with neon lights advertising for an expertly crafted array of toys, products, and above all else, lingerie. Curtains of photos shielding the storefront from outside view displayed lacy, frilly lingerie of varying colors and styles adorned by model women of varying body types, posed to radiate glitz and glamour galore.

Within eyeshot was a sitting area in the center of the aisle, filled with potted plants and woven, brown couches surrounding a table, with a few smaller chairs off to the side.

“Ooh! I should make a stop in there, but uh-…” Ava cast an apprehensive, squinting glance over the members of her party, in all their decorative, deranged, anime-adjacent splendor, with horns and tails that would most certainly bump into everything. “…No judgement guys, but maybe I should go in there alone this time.”

“What? Why?” Asch folded his arms, scoldingly accusatory. “Aren’t you supposed to be guarding us?”

“Oh please, you’re not babies.” She rolled her eyes. “You all know the drill by now. You can handle yourselves for five minutes.”

“Are you sure?” Noi asked, wary. “You know it’ll be safe?”

“Of course. Nothings gonna hurt you in a mall. Just-… stay here, in this place, and none of you are allowed to wander off.” She gestured towards the seating area, seeing as it’s currently empty, “Go have a seat over there, relax, and by God, don’t guard the door to this place like a bouncer. Just act cool. You can handle that, right?”

“You want us to act… like we’re experiencing colder temperatures?” Rhys cocked an eyebrow in his puzzlement.

“It is a bit chilly.” Leif hummed.

“No, no, it’s a saying, I—“ She lifted her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. “Urgh. Whatever. Just be casual. Remember the rules I taught you, remember the names and identities I gave you in case anyone comes up to you and starts asking about your costumes, and Pierce,” She snapped towards him. He stood up as straight as a soldier. “Keep them in line for me, will you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Now I’ll just be, uh-…” She glanced over her shoulder at the establishment, the gears in her head beginning to turn and piece themselves together as she thought. “…Actually-…” She chewed on the corner of her lip, mulling over an idea. “…I should… ask… What kind of-… you know, just- purely out of curiosity, of course— Does your guys’s junk, like-… is it more of an ‘innie’ or an ‘outie’ kinda deal, for you five?”

…They blinked.

None of them had any clue what she was talking about.

“Our… ‘junk’?” Rhys squinted. “Our-… items, you mean? The items on our person, right now?”

“What’s an ‘innie’…?” Noi’s head tilted to the side.

“You know! Your bits!” She began to sweat. “On your body? Like your di—“ A mother with an infant child crossed through her peripheral vision. “—iiiiiintimate body parts?”

Rhys blinked. Then it clicked. “Wait— Are you asking about our genitalia? Right now? In a public setting?” His face flushed a deep, dark, warm red, with almost shades of plum blossoming under his cheeks. The other four each wore their own variations of shock as well.

“Well, if we’re just gonna come out and say it like that, then yea, I am.” She shrugged.

“See? I told you.” Leif elbowed his side with a snicker. “She is interested. And you thought I was stupid. Hah!”

“What? No, I never said you were—“

“Wait, that’s what you meant by an ‘innie’ or an ‘outie?’ As in- whether it goes ‘in’ or ‘out’ on our bodies?” Noi questioned, raising his hand.

“Yeah, basically. If it… even does that?” She rubbed the back of her neck. “…Is it… anything like that?”

“…Uh…” Noi strained with an awkward wince, casting a look up to Asch and Rhys as if to silently plead for their aid.

Asch noted his plea and chose to bear his fangs instead. “What’s it to you, anyway? Why do you want to know?”

“I-I was just—“ She floundered, flushing a few shades pinker in her defensive spark, before shaking her head and giving up the fight entirely. “You know what? I’m just gonna take Leif inside with me.” She reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him over to her side. “You lot have your fun. Don’t break anything or I’ll end you.” She warned in a monotone leer.

Leif had only a moment to process his pleasant surprise and confusion before she started dragging him into the store with her, ditching the awkward conversation entirely.

The door closed behind them, and the four Daemos were left to their own devices.

Leif was filled with awe and curiosity as he wandered through the store. Ava led the way with not a single word spoken since she fled the group conversation. He assumed she felt embarrassed, and that was why.

He decided to drop the subject of what happened out there and start a new one in here. “…So. To what establishment have you brought me to, Mistress Ava?”

“Oh, God. Calling me ‘Mistress’ while we’re in here, hahaha—“ She waved it off with an amused grin. “This is a store for all things sex. Toys, lingerie, equipment, harnesses, you get the picture.” She then hummed, “Bringing you in here while you look like you’re dressed in the world’s most complex cosplay certainly brings a new meaning to why you’re dressed up, but…” She shrugged. “Meh. Kink and costuming have been intertwined cultures since the dawn of time. It’s fine.”

“Oooh, a sex store, is it?” He grinned, rubbing his hands together. “It’ll be fun to see what kind of shit you humans have…”

It didn’t take him very long to find something he wanted to ask about.

“Ava, what is this?” He pointed at a box, turning her attention towards him. “The translation spell isn’t processing the words on this box.”

“What, that?” She drew closer, reading the label and information on the box. It was one of their toys. “Oh, thats a bunny vibrator.”

He blinked at her. “…Didn’t quite catch that. Heard ‘rodent’ and then noises that didn’t get translated.”

“Do you not have vibrators on your home world?”

He shrugged. “That, or we don’t have an equivalent word for it in Daemos tongue.”

“Oh man, that sucks.” She winced. “What kind of sex toys do you guys even have?”

“I’d show you if we still had them, but the jackasses who exiled us didn’t exactly let us pack a bag of necessities.” He muttered in a grouchy, irritated sneer directed towards the void. “So now we don’t have any.”

“See, I figured.” She pointed at him in agreement. “I was wondering if I might need to buy anything for-…” She stopped herself, realizing what she was just about to admit and freezing up, as stiff as a flustered statue.

A sly, smirking grin spread across his face. “…For what, Ava?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. That’s none of your business.”

“Isn’t it?” He leaned in. “What have you got planned, darling?”

“We should stop talking about this now. It- it’s not- you don’t gotta worry about that, i-it was just- it’s nothing!”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m gonna go over there now!” She squeaked, jumping to change the subject again. She started sliding him over to another section of the store, rambling off, “You should explore! Go over there! Go have fun okay bye!!!” She zipped away in a cloud of smoke, and was gone.

Leif was left standing in the middle of the aisle, alone, surrounded by various boxes of products and lingerie hanging from racks in the dimly lit store of white tile flooring and black, striped wallpaper. He floundered for a moment, startled and processing, before shaking his head with a sigh. That girl reminds me far too much of Asch sometimes.

——

Pierce corralled the three others over to the seating area. Rhys and Pierce sat down on the woven, questionably comfortable couches, but Noi and Asch were still a bit too antsy to rest just yet. They stood close-by, with Asch perching his hands on his hips and grumbling to his peers, while Noi poked around the bushes and decorative displays of “artistic statues” that held tall and majestically strange by the seating.

“What right does she have to ask questions like that, huh?” Asch was fussing. “It’s not her right to know. It’s none of her business. And yet she thinks she can just waltz on in to our cluster and make her demands. She’s out of line. She needs to be put in her place.”

“Is it so bad if she joins us, though?” Noi piped up. “She’s done an awful lot for us since we arrived. And I mean… I wouldn’t mind…”

“She’s not giving us this because she likes us, Noi.” He scoffed. “She’s just holding us here because she has to, and the second she gets a chance to get rid of us, she’s gonna kick us out like a pack of garbage!”

“Pardon me, my Prince, but I disagree.” Rhys said. He sat leaned against Pierce’s side, as his companion wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

“What. What’s there to disagree with? I’m being realistic!”

“You’re being inaccurate. From the start, our presence has been costly for her. We are already a hefty inconvenience, on both a logistical and financial level. She’s not required to house us, it’s merely a matter of charity—“

“Well, maybe I don’t need her charity.”

“Sir, that’d be ridiculous. We don’t know anything about this planet or it’s…”

Noi tuned them out of his mind as they went on bickering. Rhys can take care of Asch today. He can handle him, he decided. Asch liked to buster a lot of big talk, but Noi knew he rarely meant the threats he spat. He had always been a man with a bristling, defensive exterior, since the very first day Noi had met the young Prince. He was full of spikes, sharp teeth, and even sharper words.

But… he’d gotten worse, since their exile. He was lashing out more, snapping and biting at every opportunity. He was bitter, angry, jumpy, and frantic. What had once been a casual constant was now evolving into a form of erraticism and paranoia.

It was starting to worry Noi.

But they were out on a nice, fancy trip today. It wasn’t time to linger in his concerns. Not when these… Earth flowers were so fascinating.

He found himself perched against another, scant seating area, consisting of a brick platform enclosing a mound of dirt and flower bushes. He’d wandered a few considerable feet away from the group by now, but he knew Pierce was always keeping an ear out to track him.

The bushes were short and close to the soil. Earth soil, fascinatingly enough, seemed to consist of shades of deep browns, with the occasional grey of pebbles and rocks. Daemos soil was usually purple in most lands, with a verdant, lapis hue to their grass. The flowers were short and vividly spotted in color, speckled and duo-colored with purples and whites and blues.

Noi loved to discover new things about Earth’s surface. The flora and fauna of an environment was what he was trained to study ever since he was young, and he’d fallen rather in love with all the colorful flora of home. He was sad to see it go, but, in a way, it was like falling in love all over again, seeing all the new and wondrous ways that Earth was beautiful, too. This trip to the “indoor mall” had been brilliantly enlightening already, exposing him to countless new “potted plants” and “plastic flowers,” whatever “plastic” was, and he was more than happy to take everything by the ropes of the silver lining and adore it for what it was.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Came a voice from across the bush.

He jumped, startled by the intrusion. It was a human woman, with pale skin, blue eyes, long, brown hair, denim jeans, and a blue and white striped long-sleeve sweater. A stranger, to Noi. She was perched over the same flower bush, across from him, leaned down to be barely visible through the leaves. Part of him felt humiliated that he hadn’t noticed her approach. Perhaps he’d gotten a bit too distracted focusing on the wildlife.

“I-it is. Very pretty.” He struggled out with a skittish smile. He never knew what the correct words were to say to a human. Ava’s cover story—and her total control over whatever conversations came their way—usually worked wonders to keep conversations brief and formal, but now… Ava wasn’t here to help him. He prayed the universe would be merciful upon him today.

“Do you know what kind of flower they are?” She asked. Her tone was not exactly one of genuine curiosity as if she didn’t know the answer. No, she spoke with a curiosity of someone who did know the answer, and was testing him to see if he knew what it was.

Shit. Is this common human knowledge? Is she gonna sniff me out if I tell the truth? But-… I-if she asks me to tell her what it is, and forces me to make something up on the spot… “…N-no, sadly. I don’t.” He shook his head, his shame visible through his smile.

She lit up with a studious sparkle. “That’s alright, that makes sense. I believe they’re pansies.”

“Oh!” That translated to a different word in his head. Humans call their flowers ‘cowards’…?

“Have you ever seen flowers like these before?” She propped her head on her hand, pressing him further.

“No, I-… I don’t think I have…”

“What kind of flowers have you seen before?”

That felt strange of her to ask. Or maybe this was normal human banter, and he was just being paranoid. Was he supposed to talk to strangers this much? Ava certainly wouldn’t allow it.

…Wait… come to think of it… didn’t her voice sound a bit…familiar…?

His floppy, lamb-like ears twitched and pointed back, pressed against his skull as he withdrew in wary discomfort. Her eyes shot wide open as he did, like she’d witnessed something groundbreaking.

Shit. Shit shit shit.

He started backing up, his tail tucking between his legs. “Uh-… I-I’m sorry, but I really should get back to my group, I don’t think I’m supposed to get too far away from them—“

She jumped over the brick to meet him, landing in front of him and reaching out, almost to grab him. She was a lot taller than he’d expected her to be. “Wait, wait! Don’t go, I- I just wanna ask you a few questions, I’m not gonna hurt you! A few questions are alright, right?”

He gulped, stepping back further. “Uh-… I-I don’t think—“

“What’s your name? Did you- did you come from a planet, or—? Wait, do you even know what a planet is?”

His panic spiked. He shot a fearful glance over his shoulder, retreating as best he could, but she only advanced further, pressed closer. He squeaked out, “Pierce—“

“Is that your name? Or the name of your planet? Wait- how do you know what I’m saying? Or English, for that matter? Do you speak English on your home world? Or do you—“

A hoof far larger than Noi’s slammed into the ground between them with a bellowing crack.

The impact of the stomp finally shattered her fixation, and she stumbled back, craning her neck to make eye contact with the mountainous bull glaring down at her now. His eyes were as sharp as vivid, blue icicles, stabbing into her skull and sending chills up her spine.

Pierce had come to Noi’s defense, and had now wedged himself fiercely between her and the smaller, unnerved Daemos. Asch and Rhys weren’t too far behind him, either, with Rhys being the only thing holding back a lividly fuming Prince.

“Oh.” She squeaked, her voice as small as a shrew’s. “Hello!”

“He does not wish to speak.” Pierce’s growl reverberated in her gut.

She swallowed her fear as best she could. “…You’re- you’re what Ava was trying to hide, aren’t you?” She managed to scrounge up enough bravery to put her foot down, standing her ground against him. “Why is she trying to hide you from me? Does she think I’m going to hurt you?”

The flame of recognition lashed within him. “…You’re Lorelai, aren’t you?” He advanced closer, looming over her. “You have a lot of nerve threatening our Madame Ava.” He muttered. “And a lot of gall as well, if you think we wouldn’t catch you following us.”

“Threatening her? Is that what you think I’m doing? Is that what she thinks I’m doing?” She lifted her hand to her chest, shocked and anguished. “I would never! I don’t want to hurt you, I only want to know the truth! Why on earth would you think me asking you a few questions would be threatening you?!”

“We do not want your questions.” His tail lashed, and nearly bowled over an innocent man trying to pass by without getting involved in the simmering dispute. “Leave us.”

She floundered, “Wh—! But I was just-! That’s not fair, I—“

“We are not giving you a choice.” He bore the full extent of his fangs, leaning down to draw close to her face. With such little distance between them, she could see clear as day that those sharply pointed canines were not only real, but deadly.

She wondered what the bite force was for their species. She wondered if she wanted to find that out the hard way.

“…You, uh-… you ever bite anyone with those before?” She asked in a strained, high voice.

“Would you like to find out?” He challenged, his breath hot upon her skin. It felt, and smelled, like staring straight into the open maw of a bear.

Maybe some research was better gathered through safer, alternative means. Best to work smarter, not harder.

“Nope! I-I think I can live without knowing what a, uh- a bite from you would be like, exactly.” She backed away with a nervous laugh, as sweat beaded down her forehead. “But, if you’re not going to let me talk to you guys, then just-… know this. Don’t believe everything Ava tells you. When her stubborn pride leaves you lot stranded by her refusal to accept any help, then-…remember I’m not your enemy. Answer my questions, and I’ll help you with anything you need. All of you.”

“That’s it!” Asch snapped, finally wrenching out from Rhys’s grip and bolting towards her.

Lorelai jumped with a yelp and quickly turned to flee, sprinting away as he jumped for her throat, shouting obscenities. Only about a fourth of the words he shouted after her managed to successfully be translated into English, and thankfully none of his claws reached her hide before Pierce grabbed onto the back of his neck and yanked him back by the scruff.

She fled out of sight, leaving the boys alone in the middle of the public scene they’d made.

They stood in silence, Pierce and Asch staring like hawks at the exit Lorelai left behind. Once a minute or so had passed and they knew she wasn’t coming back, they allowed themselves to relax. The dust settled, and the minor crowd of people that had formed shuffled away with awkward, disappointed murmurs.

Pierce let Asch go, and the Prince jumped to Noi’s side immediately. He clasped his face in his hands, pulling him close. “You! Are you hurt? Did she lay a hand on you? How do you feel? What did she say to you? Did she threaten you?” He bombarded him with questions, examining him with all the erratic fretting of a mother hen.

“I’m fine, really!” Noi muffled through his mushed cheeks.

“Oooh, I swear, I look away for one second— If I see her again, I’m gonna—“

Rhys stepped up to his side as well, placing a hand on Noi’s shoulder. “Are you unharmed? What did she say? Did she say anything particularly threatening to you?” He worried.

“You can’t ask him that! I already asked him!” Asch flared.

“Pardon me, but you don’t have a monopoly on questions, My Prince!” Rhys argued back. “I’m allowed to be concerned!”

Noi sighed.

——

Ava and Leif reunited at the cash register.

“…You know, guessing blindly is a great way to waste your coin.” Leif stood at her side with his hands in his pockets, speaking calmly and casually as he watched the employee bag up their goods.

“Oh, shut your trap.” She huffed.

“Did you buy something to help with that, too?”

She elbowed him in the gut, making him buckle forward with a winded grunt.

Ava and Leif walked out of the store, with her black, plastic bag of goods hung on his arm. He was holding it for her. They both came out to the aftermath of chaos unfolded before them.

“Whoa! What kinda party did I miss?” Leif rushed closer, briefly inspecting Noi as he found the others pawing and whimpering over him like he’d been shot.

“We had-… uh-… a problem, but we took care of it! And everything’s okay now!” Noi said as he batted away the last of Asch and Rhys’s gestures.

“A problem—?” Ava squawked. “What kind of problem?!”

“Oh, just uh- a little-…fight?”

“A fight?!”

Noi held up his hands, frantically trying to wave it off. “B-but Pierce fixed it! He saved us and everything’s okay now, so-… hooray??”

“…Wh- I- I left you alone for ten minutes!!”