Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Hey guys, I hope you’re excited this story I wanted to do and it’s definitely going to be exciting I know about the books I already have but I don’t know if what I’m really doing I get ideas all the time about new books but I’m want to focus and also try and make shorter parts so I can post more then once a week or 2 so I’m trying to sort that out at the moment but I do hope that you guys really understand about it.

Also thanks for the support guys I really appreciate it and really love you guys and I hope you have a great weekend and I’ll see you guys when the first chapter is uploaded.

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TW: Yelling/Drinking problems
Lando's POV:

Hey it's been awhile so let me catch you up on what's been going on it's now the summer break of the 2023 formula 1 season and it's been going good got a couple of podiums in British and Austria race so it's been a good races since we were last in ye first race of the season.

But the best thing is that I've got a boyfriend called Ethan we've been together for 3 months and it's been the happiest I have ever been and it's something new and he nice and calm and is also very sweet.

I came out as gay in 2022 but I have never really been In a relationship with a man so Ethan is my first one and is great and everything is great also I got diagnosed with Autism literally in 2021 but I always knew because I acted weird then other kids at a young age then me and my parents had all these meeting and then we went to the hospital to talk about autism and then we got on the waiting list and then went to the autism team and then got confirmed that I have autism in 2021.

I have a new teammate called Oscar he's really cool and polite and kind we talk a lot and get along and it's weird because I'm the older teammate and have to show him what to do and to see where he is the problem with that is Ethan doesn't like it when me and Oscar spend so much time together he gets jealous but I always tell him that he has nothing to be upset about me and Oscar are just friends and I love Ethan so much so it wouldn't mean anything to him.

The first week of summer break has been great me and Ethan we went on dates and went to the movies and had a great time and it's been fun we get back from the movies and we get back to the house and we walk into the house.

Ethan wraps his arms around my waist he says "I love you so much Lando Norris" I say "I love you to Ethan Blake" we kiss and then we keep going he was going to take of my shirt but I stoped him he says "why did you pull away for" I say "I'm not ready yet Ethan this is still new to me and it's complicated but I'm not ready" he unwraps his arms around me and says "what your still not ready Lando are you kidding me I've been waiting for ages and your still not ready" I say "yes do you have a problem with that Ethan I'm not ready and I need you to understand that why can't you understand!" he gets angry and says "because I've been waiting Lando and all I can do is hug and kiss you it's annoying and I've had enough I'm getting a drink you can sleep on the couch tonight!" I don't say anything.

He goes into the kitchen and gets alcoholic drink out of the fridge and goes upstairs I go onto the couch and lay there looking back on the first argument I'm in my thoughts and the only way it calm my thoughts down is listening to music on my noise cancelling headphones and listen to some Billie Eilish and then I fall asleep until I wake up 2 hours later because of someone walking downstairs which only means it's Ethan.

He comes and shakes me I get up and open my eyes and he looks at me and says "I'm sorry Lan I didn't mean to push you to doing anything sexual I promise I'll wait for you when your ready" I smile and say "it's okay Ethan I forgive you I know that it's hard work but you need to know that I am not ready but I accept your apology love" he smiles and we hug he says "how about we have a cup of tea and watch something before we go to bed” I laugh and say “yes let’s have a cup of tea and watch something before we go to bed” we go into the kitchen and Ethan puts on the kettle and we have a cup of tea.

we have a chat about what
happened today he says “I’m still sorry about today Lando you don’t deserve to be treated like that” I say “it’s okay Ethan I swear okay we’re okay but like I said one step of a time it took me 1 and half months to get used to kissing you and it was a big step for me but I just really need you to understand that I’m just not ready yet” he smiles and says “I totally understand Lando it’s a big ideal for you because you get overwhelmed and because your autistic it’s hard for you to understand your feelings so I’m here for you every step of the way no matter what happens I don’t mind waiting years for us to do any sexual things but I really love you Lan and really care for you so I’m always here” I smile and say “thank you Ethan I love you to and you’ll always be my number 1 supporter and lucky charm for me so I’m really glad that you’re here” we smile and we kiss and we watch something.

We watch our favourite hectic show which is obviously Dance moms we just love it and the drama in the episodes are so funny and because Abby is a moody cow like always anyway we watch a episode before it time for bed I say “come on let’s get to bed because I can’t lay here anymore my back kills”

we laugh and we head upstairs and go into the bedroom and get changed and then we lay in bed and I lay my head on Ethan chest he says "good night babe" he kisses my forehead I say "good night Love" and I fall asleep.

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Lando's POV:

This last week of summer break has been better me and Ethan haven't had any arguments but he's again acting weird like on Tuesday I was on a phone call with Oscar just checking in and Ethan was just standing there while I was talking to Oscar I mean I want privacy but I don't wanted to start a argument like what we had last week because I noticed more that Ethan drinks a lot of alcohol now and I know think that if I did something to hurt him or upset him because he's been acting different and like he's like distant from me.

I am now in the kitchen and I see Ethan go into the fridge to get another beer I say "Ethan isn't that enough it's not even noon yet and you've already drank a lot" he says "who do you think you are telling me what to do!" I say "excuse me don't you dare talk to me like that" I see Ethan rage in his eyes he steps towards me and I take a step back then he pushes me into the fridge and then yells "Don't you dare talk to me like that! I mean it or else Lando and also you might want to eat less because you're getting fatter and I don't want to be seen with someone who eats too much so please sort it out" then he goes back upstairs.

I am absolutely destroyed by Ethan's reaction I thought this is the guy I loved and stay together but I guess not I know I shouldn't take it to heart because he's drunk but it does affect me because I am very sensitive at the simplest things and it's hard and it makes cry but I won't and not make him seems like he is right and makes me feel weak I know I am not but his words cut deep like a knife twisting my heart and it hurts but what can I do I can't do anything.

I am outside just getting some fresh air while Ethan is still in the house drinking I know that he needs help but he isn't going to listen to me and we already have a fight today and if I start one I don't know what will happen if I did so I'm not saying anything yet but if hes going to keep this up i'm really tempted of just packing my bags and leave the house and stay somewhere else for a little while maybe back with my parents because haven't seem them for ages we normally go on a family vacation but Ethan didn't want to go so I couldn't just leave him here all summer break and because we only get 2 weeks off before going to Netherlands for the race so I stayed in Monaco for him just so we can have alone time but at the moment it like a disater were more apart then ever we been in this relationship and that hurts me to see that were falling out of love.

I head back inside and go into the living room to watch something on the TV I did find something to watch but half way through I see Ethan walking downstairs and heading into the kitchen again so I decided to step in and I head into the kitchen I say "your not having anymore Ethan" he looks at me and says "what did you say" I say "I said your not having anymore" that was the last thing I heard before he pushed me onto the floor and started to punch my stomach I groan in pain and then he says "don't you dare tell me what to do or it will be worse and you'll regret it!" I don't say anything just to not  make it worse.

My autistic brain is all over the pace a millions thoughts how could this happen I thought that this was my best thing that happens in my life and now it’s gone to shit anyway I get up from the floor and I make my way back to the living room I sit down and then lift up my shirt and I definitely got a bruise and it’s hurts so bad so I get up and get a glass of water and some painkillers and then I decide to get out of the house for a while and be by myself for a while.

I get in the car and just drive around until I calm down but I find a car park space and then I let the tears come out I’ve been holding them in for so long but I can’t do it anymore what is my life I failed how could I be so stupid and trusting in someone who is so mean and like doesn’t know what to do anymore but it hurts me but what can I do I love Ethan and I just can’t leave him I love him to much for me to leave him and there only 2 options number 1 leave him and try and find another home and new beginning or number 2 stay with him and hope that he can changed for the better and then he doesn’t do what he does and drinks all day because I can’t let that happen again.

I get back home and the first thing I see when I open the door is Ethan looking at me tears dripping from his face he says “where were you I thought you left me Lando forever I thought you left without saying anything” I go straight to him and pull him into a hug I say “oh baby i will never leave you without telling you I just needed some fresh air after what happened today” he looks at me and says “oh my god Lan I hit you I actually hit you the love of my life I hit you I’m so sorry Lan please forgive me” he kept repeating I’m sorry I say “hey a baby look at me” he looks I say “it’s not your fault okay I forgive you Eto you didn’t mean to do it but you need to sort out your drinking problems love because it’s not healthy for me and you and we can’t keep doing this” he says “I agree Lan I promise I’ll get better I’ll go therapy and do whatever it takes to prove to you that I love you soo much” I smile and I kiss him he kisses back and we hug.

We have dinner and then I make sure to throw out all the beers and the wine and champagne and chuck them away so Ethan can start his journey of not consuming alcohol and have a better life style I make us both a cup of tea we sit in silence because I like it and it calms my brain down for me and the Ethan washes up the plates and I go upstairs to have a shower and put on some PJ and then get into bed and then Ethan follows he says “I love you so much Lando Norris” I say “I love you to Ethan Blake” and we fall asleep.

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Lando's POV:

Summer break is finally over it's been a busy 2 weeks of the break which we're not going to talk about I've arrived at Zandvoort last night with Ethan of course and it's a Wednesday night I just got back from a meeting with the team and we talked about what we did over the summer and because media day is tomorrow but I'm not in the press conference I'm talking with the team and with Oscar and it will be a great time.

We have dinner and talk about anything we want then we watch a Netflix series and I lay my head on Ethan chest because it been stressful and overwhelming day so it's my way to like shut down and like make me feel calm and relaxed so I just sit and watch telly for like 40 minutes until it's time to go to bed.

It's Thursday morning in the hotel room I've woken up around 10 minutes ago and I started working out I've been doing that more because of the comments Ethan said to me last week and it hasn't gone out of my head so I'm working out and listening to music to put me in the zone so I've been doing that for like 40 minutes so now I decided to stop and get a shower while Ethan is still asleep.

Also Ethan is now seeing a therapist about his alcohol addiction so I'm glad about that because it means that he can think positive about what he drinks and he been told to stay off the alcohol which I hope will work and make him feel better in himself because that what I want for him and he means the world to me and I love him.

I start making breakfast when Ethan comes out and wraps his arms around me he says "good morning babe" I say "good morning Love how are you" he says "good how are you" I say "good breakfast is nearly ready so you can have a sit and I also made you a cup of coffee" I have my ear defenders on because the noise is to loud for my liking so yea it helps me and not get me distracted so I like it and I'm really glad but I put the breakfast on a plate and hand it to Ethan he says thanks and I'll eat as well but a smaller size because of my training what I do.

We finish up eating and we get dressed and make our way to the paddock and we make our way to the McLaren hospitality and I say hello to Zak and Andrea and then me and Ethan go into my driver room and I get changed into the team wear and me and Oscar do the press conference.

The press conference is over it was chill and like what we did over the summer what was like cool of course didn't tell them anything about anything that happened between me and Ethan because it's none of there business but we yea it was fun.

I was walking back until I see Max coming over me he says "hey Lando how are you doing" I say "I'm good thanks Max how are you" he says "I'm good I'm just wondering if you wanna like hang after the race on Sunday because it will be fun and there like all the drivers coming so you won't be bored" I say "yea I'll take you up on that offer thanks Max" we smile and I go up the stairs back to my drives room and Ethan says "what was that" I say "what was what" he says "with Max Lando what was that" I say "what we were just chatting" he says "sure" I say "are you jealous Ethan of my and Max friendship" he says "don't be so silly Lando of course I am what did I say about not seeing other people" I say "oh come on it's only Max your not going to stop make me see my friends" he just nods his head.

We get back to the hotel and we eat and then I head into the bathroom to brush my teeth and then I put my headphones on charge and then me and Ethan head to bed.

It's Friday morning which means it's practice day and means that it's some exciting thing and yea I talked to my engineer Will about the setup to run for the first practice session I'm awake first which I'm not surprised about and again we decided that we will have great breakfast at the McLaren Hospitality just to make it easier for us and me in the process.

We get ready and we leave the hotel I bring my headphones and ear defenders with me just in case and we made it there and we get to the McLaren Hospitality and we have breakfast and we chat and then make our way to the McLaren garage and get into my drivers room to get changed into the fireproofs and the suit and then the helmet and gloves and it's time for FP1.

FP1 is over and got P6 in the end which wasn't so bad after all so I go over the setup with Will and then we go out again for FP2.

FP2 is over and I topped the sessions which is surprising because our car didn't show that we had the pace to RedBull but we did have the pace with Mercedes and Ferrari but Alpine is looking strong to and Aston Martin.

I get changed back into normal clothes and then talk to the team and then we head back to the hotel and we eat and then I have a shower and then changed into PJ and then head into bed and we fall asleep.

It’s Saturday and it’s race day which is really exciting and means we find out where we are probably and yea we get up at the same time today and we have breakfast and get changed before we go to the paddock and then me and Ethan have a chat before making our way to the McLaren garage to get changed into fireproofs, suit gloves and helmet and then make my way to the car and FP3 starts.

FP3 is over and I get P10 and Oscar so in P7 so we do have the pace this weekend and it does show that we are in the fight this race and can fight for a podium at least I just chill in my drivers room shutting down with my head on Ethan chest then it was time for Qualifying.

That was great P2 for the race tomorrow which is amazing and great for the team even though the weather forecast was saying it was going to rain a lot and that going to be fun we talk about the possible strategy for tomorrow race.

Then me and Ethan have dinner and watch telly and then we decided to have a shower together with no sexual contact because I’m still not ready for the next step of this relationship yet we get changed and we head to bed.

We wake up late and had to get dressed and ready to go for today race which I hope is going to be good and we make our way to the McLaren Hospitality and have breakfast and then make it to the garage to get changed into team wear and then have the pre build up and then I get back into my driver room get changed into race wear and Ethan kisses me good luck and the race is starting.

The race is over and that was a shit race to be honest so much drama red flags crashes and DNF which is crazy in the end I got P7 and so yea not the greatest but the best we could do with the weather conditions we had.

I get changed into Normal clothes but when I enter the room Ethan wasn’t there but a note on my desk.

What the fuck was that Lando you started P2 and only finishing P7 I’m so disappointed in you better come to the hotel and say no to Max Lando or else.

I gulped at the end great I’m in for it I’m definitely in for it now fantastic I quickly grabbed my stuff and text Max saying that I can’t make it and I make it back to the hotel quickly as possible I open the hotel door and then I was pushed onto the floor I look up and see Ethan he says “oh Lando what happened I’m so disappointing in you I was expecting better your not the boyfriend I loved and saw pace with before the summer break maybe it’s because you ate to much so it slowed you down” before I could say anything he started punching my stomach and then he hit me in the face then he says “get a bad result like that again I’ll show you some real pain Lando also put some makeup on you face so people don’t see the bruise” Ethan walks away.

I sit and I go into the shower and sob I let my body took over and I’m full on sobbing but after like 20 minutes I pull myself together and get up and get dressed and then I make my way into the living room and Ethan looks up and then open his arms for me and I go into them he says “I’m so sorry Lan I didn’t mean it I just let my angry took over me I love you so much” I say “I love you to” we kiss and we stay like that and we eat and we go to sleep.

Chapter Text

Lando's POV:

It's officially race week again for the Italy Grand Prix hoping for a better weekend this week then last week so we'll see where that takes us but it's not been the greasiest weeks me and Ethan had a argument on the plane lucky it was on my private jet so there were hardly no one there and the pilots wouldn't of heard anything so yeah not been the greatest.

Flashback

We were literally chatting about the race weekend and I was like on about Oscar and Max and I think Ethan had enough so he hit his hand on the table and then says "Lando will you shut the fuck up for once I don't care alright and keep those names out your mouth" I say "No" he looks at me taken about then he slaps me around the face and then he says "get up come on" then he takes me to the back of the jet and then he pushes me onto the ground then he kicks my stomach again then he pulls me hair and says "don't you dare talk back to me or I'll kill you understood" I just nod then he lets go and I fall to the floor and he sits back in his seat.

I was struggling to breath I was having a panic attack I tried to breath in and out but it wasn't working until someone was holding my hand and it was Ethan he looked panicked and he says "hey Lan it's okay take in 5 and out for 5" I tired that but it wasn't working so he put my hand on his heart and I started to clam down Ethan then takes me back to my seat and then puts his hand in my hairs and stroke threw them and he says "I'm so sorry Lan please forgive me I didn't mean it I promise I will never want to kill you know that right" I just nod and I fell asleep.

Flashback end

It been weird since then my mind is taking me back to that same memory and it hurts every time and I'm getting like bad thoughts in my head because what if I'm not good enough for him and maybe that I do deserve to be hurt anyway possible but yea it's still not been great and Ethan is acting like nothing has happened and that's not true I mean what the hell is that I'm so confused because I don't think a relationship is really like that but what can I tell this is my first relationship with anyone so it's my first one so all I can do is trust the process of this relationship and hope it can turn out better for me.

Anyway it's Wednesday night and me and Ethan just finished dinner and we are now watching tv and then around 30 minutes after we go to bed and we fall asleep.

Thursdays is here and we're already at the paddock Ethan at the McLaren hospitality and I'm in the McLaren garage talking with Oscar and getting to know him more of course it's his first season so I do want to get to know him also that I do have makeup on to cover the bruise and hit mark on my face so it's easier for me to see that I am not hurting even though deep inside me I am and it's the hardest thing to do because I am really depressed inside but I'm not showing it because I am a formula 1 driver we're not meant to show emotions because that means we're weak that what Ethan told me so I'm not going to.

Anyway we talked and now I'm doing the team press conference and Oscar in the press conference room so it's just me which is great for that as well.

I'm done with the press conference and now I'm still talking with the team and then I decided I've want to get back to the hotel so me and Ethan both decided that we're going back to the hotel and we have dinner and we head to bed.

I wake up and it's officially practice today so I get up and listen to some music on my noise cancelling headphones and I started cleaning the hotel because it's a mess and I like all my stuff clean so it does annoy me but not anymore anyway I made breakfast and then me and now me and Ethan are getting changed and then we make our to the paddock.

We get there and we go into the McLaren garage and I go into my drivers room to put my stuff down and then go and talk to the team about the setup what we're trying first then I go back into my drivers room and put on my fireproofs and suit and then my gloves and before I put on my helmet I give Ethan a kiss and then put my helmet on and then I put my helmet on and get in the car for FP1.

FP1 is over and I got P7 which isn't too bad the car was all over the place so I know I can do better anyway I go back into my drivers room and chill and calm down and then it's time for FP2 again.

FP2 is over and I got P2 only 0.016 of Carlos my good friend anyway I get changed into team wear again and relax for 30 minutes then go and talk about setup changes we need to make and then me and Ethan head back to the hotel and have some dinner and then I have a shower and get into PJ then I have a cup of tea before bed and then I put my noise cancelling headphones and then I lay my head on Ethan chest and we fall asleep.

I wake up and it's Saturday morning and it's time to wake it's around 8:30AM in the morning so I get up and get changed and make breakfast and then we make our way to the paddock and we get to the McLaren garage and I go into my drivers room to put on my fireproofs, suit and gloves and helmet and we get in the car.

Qualifying is over and it was a disappointing result I've got P9 which is rubbish Oscar even did better then me he got P7 and I’m really happy for him that where we need to be not me being P9 anyway I get back to the drivers room Ethan just stare at me like rage I was going to get changed but Ethan is still in the room so I say “can you get out please love I’m getting change” he looks at me and says “why Lan we’ve been going out for 3 and a half months now surly I can see you get changed” I say “no Ethan not yet okay I’ll promise soon but not yet okay” he gives me a fake smile and says “of course Lando anything for you” before he left he put his hand on my chest and then before he went out The door he grips my ass and then he left and I get changed.

I still couldn’t get over what he just did like okay I get it but being all that I know I’m in trouble anyway from the qualifying and now when he showed the fake smile I was in trouble so it’s only getting worse so I open my drivers room and Ethan was no where to be seen so I guess he gone back to the hotel so before I go back I go talk to the team about tomorrow strategy and then I go back to the hotel.

I get back to the hotel I enter the door and Ethan is looking straight at me he comes up to me and just slaps me he says “DON’T YOU DARE GET A BAD RESULT AGAIN YOU HEAR ME LANDO AND I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU” he just left I get a shower and I let out a broken sob then I pull myself together and get my noise cancelling headphones and I fall asleep.

I wake up and have breakfast and then make my to the McLaren garage and get into my drivers room and get open the door and Ethan is there he looks up and he pulls me into a hug he says “I am truly sorry Lan I’m sorry I let my frustration out on you and I’m so sorry” I don’t say anything I just tighten the hug and then he gives me a kiss and then goes get changed for the race I get in the car and do the formation lap.

The race is over and it was quite boring I’ve got P8 I was stuck behind Albon for most of the race I go to the media pen and do some more interviews and then I get back to my drives room and Ethan is there he comes over and he pulls me in for a kiss and then he leaves so I can get changed and then we get back to the hotel I get a shower and then we have dinner then we lay in bed and put something on and put my head in on his chest and he strokes it and we fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Lando's POV:

When I tell you this after the Italy GP I don't know what happened with Ethan, but our relationship has gone wrong for a first his drinking problems have got worse and every time he says that he is going to get better that never happens, and it's like what do I do now, and I'm so disappointed in myself that I should've told him to stop, but that wasn't going to work at all because he will just get mad at me for it, and it wouldn't help no one in the situation and would only hurt me in the process and I don't want that as a person who has dealt with bad mental health in 2019 and when covid hit that affected me to, so I have been in a bad situation.

It's halfway through the week before the next race which is Singapore and that is a track for our car anyway I was just setting up the next video for Quadrant which is really fun because I get away from Ethan and the weird situation what going on, and I can think free and don't have any bad thoughts in my head, so I do enjoy that.

I'm just chilling on the sofa when I heard a smash of glass I flinch and then see Ethan drunk of his head, and it's not a good thing for me, he says "OI LANDO GET ME ANOTHER BEER BABE" I was not going to give Ethan another bottle of beer after what I just witness so he will not have another, and It's mine word against him.

I say "No Ethan I think that's enough for today babe it's time for bed" I look straight into his eyes, and it's full of devil and angry eyes, and it's quite terrifying he walks towards me, and he grabs me by my hair and pushes me against a wall and slaps me across the face and says "DON'T YOU DARE DISRESPECT ME LANDO YOUR A FUCKING SHIT BOYFRIEND AND A WORSE FORMULA 1 DRIVER AND YOU WILL GET NOWHERE IN LIFE YOU HEAR ME NOWHERE" then he slaps me again and the leaves the house and I just start sobbing and how my life has turned into a shit life and makes me feel like I'm worthless and useless so it's not the greatest thing in the world, and it just hurts me like hell.

I get up and have a shower and play some music to calm me down before having an overstimulated situation and just fidget with something I get my PJ on and make myself a cup of tea and enjoy it whiles it last, and I go into bed and I fall asleep.

It's been 2 days since that fight happened but where all good now, and it's a little better than before, but it's still a bit tense I'm filming a Quadrant video right now of course I'm wearing makeup to cover up the bruises what Ethan gave me, but I'm more relaxed than before and ready to go.

We filmed the video now I'm just having a chat with Max not Racing Max but my best friend Max who we know each other really well, and I find my best with him because he was so supportive when I told him I was Autistic, and he didn't care he said that I'm just unique, so I just really glad to have him on my side anyway it was time to go home now I say goodbye to everyone and I head home.

I get home and I open the door and I see that Ethan has made me food and there are candles lighten, and he comes over to me, and he kisses me and I say "What is all this" he says "it's my way of saying sorry to you about what happened 2 days ago, and I love you Lando Norris so much" I blush, and I hug him and say "I love you to babe come on let's eat" he laughs, and we have dinner.

We finish dinner and I go and take a shower and get some PJ on, and then I make a cup of tea and make one for Ethan, and then we watch our series, and then we decide that it was time for bed, and we get in bed and I lay my head on Ethan chest we kiss and we fall asleep.

The last day of the week off was a bit boring we decided that it was better to stay in and have a nice calm relaxing day so we have breakfast, and then I clean the house and clean the dishes from last night, and then we play some UNO and connect 4 and that was fun I won of course no surprises there then I made lunch, and then we watch our series for the rest of the day have dinner, and then it was time for some more TV shows we like to watch and then Ethan went to have a shower, and then I had a cup of tea before bed, and we lay in bed, and we kiss, and we eventually fall asleep.